Hello, kitties. It's your old pal, John Kucir,
the voice of
the cryptkeeper,
and you're listening to
the bottom shelf.
Dallas?
What? What the heck is this?
I don't know. What what are what are
these? What what are these? Those are VHSs.
No.
Bro, I just I no no no no
no no. You don't understand. I just pulled
I just
I just pulled these out of the dumpster.
What is what is Bloodsport and Kickboxer doing
in the dumpster?
Bro, these were fantastic. I was Were they?
Hello, bro.
You know, you remember in the Chronicles of
Narnia
when Aslan's like, don't quote the ancient magics
to me, which I was there when the
ancient magics were formed, you know? Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, like, that's me when
it comes to, like, these eighties action films.
Like, I was there. Like, this is my
child. What
dude,
they had temple they had temple of doom
down there. What?
No way. Seriously.
I don't know Last Dragon, I guess.
Prepare yourself to discover a world of terrible
movies.
High above the planet Geekeri, a group of
intrepid explorers
hover over the dangerous planet in their fabulous
super orbital spacecraft.
Their mission, to conduct a complete analysis of
movies known throughout the universe as terrible.
So grab your space popcorn, grab your freeze
dried ice cream, and join us for today's
mission of discovery and wonder.
Are these movies better than the galaxy thinks?
Or do they really belong
on the bottom shelf?
Hello, movie lovers and movie haters, and welcome
to the bottom shelf,
the place where every movie has a place.
I'm Dallas. And with me joining me on
this adventure is
John.
That's me.
He was very upset today.
Fortunately, John, this is a show that lets
people know they love and they're cared for.
So, John, you're loved. You care for. Calm
down. Relax. Oh. Woofsa.
I I feel like I honestly feel like
somebody
is mocking me
or, like, insulting me. Like, bro, this these
were
like, this defines night these movies define
1988,
1989
for me. Like,
seriously, that's Wow.
I can't I not only not only can
I not, but I won't? I will not.
Wow. Cannot and I will not, sir. This
this
needs to be addressed. We need to show
the world that these movies do not belong
in the dumpster.
That is our that is my mission this
month, maybe,
please.
Okay. I mean, sure. Why not? They're here.
You've already pulled them out of the dumpster.
You you've knocked off the grease.
Let's fire up the VHS player.
Do what what do we do? Do we
have a VHS player? What do you think
we've been watching these on? I thought these
were on film.
Well, that explains the resolution.
No, man. Come on. You and I both
know fatal deviation was on no film anywhere.
Alright? I'm not near how to pull out
a Betamax for that thing. Sir, I'd Kevin
had it on some
weird Irish format. So I just
This is true. I I thought he threw
a gold coin at a rainbow,
and that was how they did their movies
back there.
Oh, oh my gosh. Well, let's let's let's
let's do this. I'll tell you what. Let
me pull out when we flip the database,
what does it say about Bloodsport here? It
says,
in 1988,
Sheldon
Litchi
felt the wind of Frank Duke's bag of
farts and decided to make a movie out
of it.
After partnering with,
Newt Arnold, whose directing career could be described
as always the bridesmaid but never the bride,
they reached out to a young, mostly sober
Jean Claude Van Damme to act out the
fictional world of Frank Duke.
I'm sorry. The fictional Frank Duke created and
inspired the greatest martial arts character of all
time, Johnny Cage.
Bro. Okay. I have always wondered if Frank
Dukes was the was the
inspiration for Johnny Cage and Bloodsport because there
Yeah. There's no way he's not. Yeah. I
think Jean Claude Van Damme period is a
is the inspiration for it. You know, he
inspired,
he inspired,
flawless victory. What was it called? Fatal deviation.
That's that's that's
it. So wrong.
You know, good art inspires good art. That's
all I'm gonna say.
Oh my gosh. I went to a big,
Mortal Kombat phase for a little bit, and
I played
several games.
And Johnny Cage was questionable at times,
but he was always Jean Claude Van Damme.
Uh-huh.
Except without the French accent.
Yeah. Exactly.
Alright. Well, let me read the back of
the box you got here. Alright. Let's see
here.
Bloodsport
takes you where few have ever gone,
inside the hidden Konkong arena where elite combatants
clash
in the Kumite,
a little known, but hotly contested world championship
of full contact fighting.
So Joe Rogan's here. No rest, Westerner
had ever won this Titanic tournament until the
arrival of iron wheeled American Frank Dukes, who
was sport.
Who was the
who was the iceberg to this Titanic tournament?
Bloodsport. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I I need
to pause you for a second here, Dallas.
Everybody
okay. Here's here's the thing I need I
need I need to tell you.
I
love reading about what a lot of people
will call fake martial arts
and watching stuff on that. And the first
the first thing you will ever learn in
fake martial arts 101 is who Frank Dukes
is.
This guy is a charlatan
in the first degree,
and and,
and, like like, for real, he is to
the martial arts world what who what Ed
and Lorraine Warren is. Makes for great storytelling.
Don't get me wrong. Charlatan through and through.
So,
go ahead, Dallas. I you're I I just
wanted to throw it out there. You're gonna
get you're gonna get a lot of sarcastic
comments from me about Frank Dukes. A lot
of shade. Alright. Picking back up. Blood sport
is his story. A true life triumph of
bedrock courage, uncanny skill, and steadfast loyalty.
As Duke
as Duke, Jean Claude Van Damme
also enjoyable,
also enjoyed a true life triumph.
This role perfectly suited his appealing mix of
physique, charm, and martial arts expertise, and kickbox
his career as a commanding box office action
favorite into overdrive.
Van Damme has dazzled audiences
ever since playing heroes who, simply refuse to
lose.
And when Van Damme
and when Van Damme's,
Dukes steps into the mat, blood sport isn't
just a sport. It's a war.
I like how this went from, like,
tell me about the movie to, hey. Jean
Claude Van Damme is amazing.
I I I like I I like how
it says heroes that refuse to lose, my
mind goes, and refuse to go on stage
unless they've downed their 8 ball of Coke.
In the meantime, the far better actor is
dying of cancer.
Oh,
terrible. Rip. Raul Julia, you are a legend.
Word.
Alright. Why don't you do some trivia for
us there, John? Oh, can I really?
Okay.
Well, I wanna I wanna first start out,
and I need to see if I can
find an exact number for it here.
But
in this
movie,
I need to find an exact number here.
But there is a martial arts, like, a
literal martial arts legend in this movie. Can
you tell? And it's not
it isn't
Jean Claude Van Damme.
Apparently, the the guy who plays the villain
in this movie, his name is Bolo Ewan,
and he is a martial arts cinema legend.
Yeah. Go ahead and look him up on
IMD IMDB, Fermidales.
Got him. Well, hold on.
It's not listening. There he is. Bolo Jong.
Go ahead and,
go ahead and tell me how many movies
do you see on there that you recognize?
Oh, goodness gracious.
This might backfire because it just occurred to
me that I know more about kung fu
movies than the average bear. Let me scroll
through scroll through his 110 movies listed as
an actor, not stunts, but an actor.
The the papa.
Ironheart,
I know that one. Double impact, know that
one.
So it's 2.
Loading more. Bloodsport, 3.
Bruce Lee's, dragon fights back, 4.
A few moments later.
Okay.
Okay. I gotta tone down my excitement a
little bit on this fact now. The dragon,
the hero, 5.
But
you get the point. Bro has been in
some stuff, right? Enter the dragon. 6. Yes.
Enter the I forgot he was an enter
the dragon. That's right.
So
when I say legend, homeboy was in enter
the freaking dragon
with with Bruce Lee. Okay.
Do you know how old he was in
this movie?
I don't know. How old was he? Bro
was 42 years old. Wow. He was in
Bloodsport
versus,
like, 20. I think what was JCVD
I think was like 22 when he did
blood sport. Something like that. I thought maybe
it was 28.
I mean, I've heard the phrase. I've heard
the phrase black don't crack. But I mean,
this guy looked like
props to BOLO. I mean, that man is
legendary,
and he was phenomenal
Oh, yeah. In this movie.
And in this movie, though, Jean Claude Van
Damme actually knocked out Bernard,
Mariano with his elbow, and the scene made
it into the movie.
Wow. So kudos to you, JCVD,
for not caring about your, co actors.
To be fair, I've heard I mean, in
in even the best controlled environments where you
have martial arts movies, somebody's gonna get smacked
around. Oh, for sure. And it's gonna happen.
I mean, look at Jackie Chan movies. You
look at Bruce Lee's movies. Oh, Oh, 100%
movies. You know you know who's notorious for
that? Who? Steven Seagal.
Oh, yeah. He's he's actually known to speaking
of, fake martial artists, check him out.
He, is has been known to, like, just
go full contact on his costars just because
he needs to feel,
masculine, I guess. I don't know. Lord.
Also another fact about this movie. This is
one of the very few films that are
featuring scenes that were filled inside the Kowloon
walled city before its destruction. Oh, wow.
So the Kowloon walled city that you see
in this movie is the real thing.
The.
This is gonna say something that you won't
understand until you watch this movie, Dallas. Mhmm.
Frank Duck, Frank Dukes
was the actual fight coordinator for this film.
When JCVD
was cast, Dukes announced that Van Dam wasn't
nearly good and in good enough shape to
put him through this and,
put him through a 3 month training program.
And Van Damme, a world championship martial artist
in his own right, called it the hardest
thing of his life. Wow. Yeah. So,
schlock, meet schlock, I guess. I don't Right.
To be fair, he was legitimately military. And
so our mill our our our our men
and women who serve the military,
the training they go through is legitimately
hard. And he was a marine corps, and
so that's legitimately
Mhmm. Marine corps training is is pretty rough.
So,
I mean, I'm not saying that he was
top notch, but I could see him pushing
though through more in core training. I'm I'm
gonna I'm gonna cry foul where
all
all initial
armed service training is tough because that's what
boot camp is designed to be. Mhmm.
The information I've seen on Frank Dukes is
none of his actual
career training
that is on his publicly listed record
has anything to do with combat of any
sort. Right.
So
liar liar, pants on fire to him. Yes.
But we're not we're not here we're not
here to
I I I'm we need to back this
up because my biases are pointing jumping in
because this movie was legitimately, like, one of
the greatest movies in my childhood. So I
we need to figure out why is this
on here. Well, let's
let's hit the community outreach. Let's go ahead
and do that. We'll we'll tag team it.
Alright? Alright. 1st person agreeing with you, homie
of mine, Robbie.
Blake, he says,
just the all time best martial arts movie.
Okay. Well,
buddy of mine,
Carlos Renfield
says classic
Renfro? Renfro.
I said Renfro.
Okay. So that's a word for Dracula.
Carlos. I am so sorry.
Right before the show, we were talking about
Josh Berkey. Berkey likes
Nicholas cage, and he was recently in a
Dracula movie called Renfield.
And I was trying to think of
a Nicholas Cage movie to watch with Josh
it's it's it's sorry, my dude. I am
so sorry.
My friend Carlos
Renfro,
whose last name I did know, I promise,
says classic,
loosely based on a real tournament, mindless violent
fun. This I would agree with. Yes. Yes.
Why don't Dale? No. No. Why don't you
go ahead and read number 4? Because that's
just going to be weird if I have
to read. Oh, okay.
John,
are you?
Says, surely not everyone was kung fu fighting.
Dale.
Excuse me.
Dale. I'm sorry. I didn't mean
to cough all over your name, my dude.
Says best Street Fighter movie ever.
You know, I would not I would not
be surprised if this also inspired that video
game series as well.
Oh, Bobby s, who is my father-in-law, says,
good action.
Acting is,
good action, bad acting.
The only good Van Damme movie is time
cop because I had the actual plot. It
had an actual plot plot in, depended
and did depend
on the muscles of Brussels to carry
it.
And so good good action, bad acting is
what his thoughts were. You know, I
feel you could say that's just any
action movie from this time period, though. Right.
I mean,
you know?
Anyway, let's go ahead and get to our
expectations then.
Dallas, being as I'm the one who pulled
this up in outrage and disgust,
why don't you go ahead and set your
expectations
while I
try to sift through my,
feelings
my complex feelings about the situation we're in.
Complex feelings about it.
Okay. So my expectations, I watched this as
a kid years ago.
And I remember enjoying it.
So
I, however, have grown to learn that the
'80s were rough in their storytelling.
And
and power ballads are not my favorite thing.
So I expect to see,
awkward walking around with music playing,
senseless violence
that's gonna be fun to watch. And I
think I'll end up enjoying the movie as
a whole.
Yeah. I'm kind of on the same thing.
Like,
I haven't seen this movie in a long
time.
But from what I remember of it, what
I'm expecting to see is a lot of
really awesome kung fu scenes,
intense action,
a lot of training,
a lot of really
a lot a lot of style over substance
in that 80 fat eighties fashion. You know
what I mean? Yeah.
But done in very tongue and cheek sort
of way.
Mhmm. So that is my expectation. I'm I'm
expecting to love every minute of it. Sort
of like did you ever see Expendables 2?
Yeah.
The second one's my favorite one because they
really lean into that cheeky 19 eighties action.
And,
that that's what I'm expecting from this. Speaking
of The Expendables 2.
Okay.
JCVD
was the bad guy in that movie. He
was, wasn't he? He was. And he was
fantastic in that movie.
I was asking myself earlier this week, was
there any movie he was ever good in?
That was it. I loved him in that
movie.
Alright. Anyway, let's,
now that we've got the expectations in, are
you ready to see a piece of cinematic
art?
I am. Let's do it.
Alright.
Let's go.
Dear listeners,
this is your opportunity to escape.
Our crew has just entered into the media
projection chamber.
What horrors and madness that they consume are
unknown?
Their mental state upon their return is
unknown.
You have been warned.
Look, John. All I'm saying
is that you don't have to try to
do the splits every time you see a
Jean Claude Van Damme movie. It's not good
for you, man. You can't bend that way.
Dude, it works for the guy in Fatal
Deviation.
Yeah. But right now, you're you have, like,
a 6 pound bag of, like, crushed ice
on your thigh.
Are are you calling me fat, Dallas?
Yes. Oh, we're rolling.
Alright. So we're done watching the movie. And,
and, it was a movie.
And, at this point in the show, we're
gonna share our thoughts. And we're gonna try
to spoiler free thoughts. We're just gonna give
general thoughts about the film,
and just in case you want to watch
it. Now I want those out there for
you viewers.
John and I are watching it on this,
lovely VHS they pulled out of the dumpster,
But you can watch this for free and
legally
on Tubi,
right now. So,
John,
what are your
spoil
free thoughts
My
spoilery
thoughts.
My spoiler
free thoughts on this movie that I can
sum up this movie.
I can I can sum up this movie
without spoiling a single thing in it with
one sentence?
Okay. Alice, I can. Are are you ready?
I'm ready. You are about to be amazed
by how much I'm about to sum up
this movie with a single sentence that you're
gonna be like, wow,
this episode's over.
By how much I'm going about to sum
up this movie with a single sentence and
how much it does not spoil anything in
this movie.
Okay.
My childhood is a lie, Dallas.
Okay. Well, join us next week as we
talk about kickboxer.
And,
see what happens in,
John's life there.
When you say your childhood is a lie,
are you what what are we talking about
here, buddy? Are we talking about the fact
that you were you you you had the
Easter biting,
still in your in your life up until
last month? Or, like, what's happening here? Yo.
Like, I remember watching this movie and just
being awestruck by every
capacity of this movie. Like, you remember how
I
talked up best of the best to you
and Bam when we watched that movie? And
you remember how
horse crap Best of the Best was
when we finally watched that movie?
I do recall this.
Do you remember how much
Branson talked
up Guy Ver too
before we watched the movie?
Yep.
Do you see a pattern here?
Oh, I see it. I see it all
coming together here.
What happened to my childhood, Dallas? Was it
all a lie?
Well, first off,
John,
you were a child.
You still thought Play Doh tasted good. Dude,
Play Doh still does taste good.
We got deeper issues to talk about today,
ladies and gentlemen.
Why is your sister walking in?
Just sit on that big, long couch over
there, John.
Oh my gosh. No. I I feel you.
Definitely,
how do I put this?
It's not a movie that aged well, and
I don't know if that's a a matter
of we've seen better
or if it's a matter of we were
just young. Although I know other people we
we heard other people say how much they
love this movie. Right.
I think we can go spoiler free with
this comment.
Some of it is,
and you and I had a conversation about
this earlier about
the the fighting some of the fighting
a lot of was
super off.
And,
like, like, the they were not filming
punches and kicks well, and so it was
clear they were fake. And then there were
thing there were people who were like, I'm
a martial artist. And and now I get
I'm gonna put this out there, guys.
I am not an expert martial artist whatsoever.
I have did some classes when I was
a kid. As a teenager, did some stuff.
I've kept up You hear that Frank Dukes?
That he he actually has
training.
He I I my money's on Dallas. If
you Dallas, if you fight here, I'm gonna
put it out there right now. Frank Dukes,
the bottom shelf challenges you to a Kumite.
What?
What is happening here?
How about no? Okay.
The man's 68 years old. We don't need
No, Dallas. I think we can take him.
Call up the Paul brother. He'll love to
do that. He likes fighting old people.
So
That's that that's it. We're gonna do Tyson
versus Frank Dukes.
Oh, my gosh. But anyways,
I know enough to know
that some of these cats were just they
were they were not good actors. And
they did not know what they're doing. There
are some people who are legitimately are I
could sell they have a training, they know
what they're doing. But there are some people
like, what are you doing in this in
this scene?
And I think that lends itself. You you
mentioned how you've you've really gotten into watching
UFC right now. Mhmm. Once you see, like,
the real thing and certain stuff, when you
see people acting it out and doing it
poorly, it's hard to do it. I I
mentioned it to you, like,
people who are musicians. I know people who
are who are talented, talented musicians. You're you
included. And watching
movies and shows where somebody's playing an instrument,
it drives people like you nuts because you're
like, your fingers aren't even in the right
spot, you know, or you're you're not even
in the right beat with your with your
drumming. Or like when I when I hear
or see people talk about guns in a
way that's like, no, that's not how that
works.
Why do we keep coming back to fatal
deviations conversation?
What's happening?
Because, again, it's the same
movie.
The same movie.
Oh, gosh.
Bro, like, for real, though, it's like
never mind. I just train of thought gone.
It's alright. I'll say this. It's like what
Bobby said is that
good action, but the the acting was bad,
throughout
a lot of this movie.
It's like I I feel like I have,
like, some kind of Mandela effect going on
when it comes to this movie because
it's so bad.
Yeah. But it's like
everything's there. I remember,
you know, I mean, like, it's not like
I misremembered the movie. And it's and like,
it's not like it was in like, in
Branson's case where,
you know, I'm I'm remembering it with rose
colored glasses, and it just wasn't how I
remembered it. Like, it's it's how I remembered
it, but I remembered
it being
good.
I don't know how to put it outside
of that.
And and part of it is, yes, I
I I in the past
2 years, I've really gotten into UFC.
And while we were watching this movie, I
was telling Dallas
that once you see what real violence
looks like
Mhmm.
Unless someone's an actual
technician
to understand
not only how to fight,
but the angles that you need to see
things in order to make not fighting look
real.
Right. You have to have some real technique
in order to do that. And that's just
not
Frank Dukes,
when you're Frank Dukes is the a fight
choreographer.
Well, again, that that speaks to how bad
he was. Right. Right. And and that's and
that's that's that's partly what I'm saying. But
on the other end of it, though, like,
I remember the action being
better.
You understand?
And it reminds me of, you know,
for some of you have been along the
been along on the ride with me this
year. This year has been the year I've
really gotten back into hip hop. Yeah. Thank
thanks to the Kendrick and Drake beef, and
you're gonna hear
you're gonna hear a lot about that on
the next loft episode that I've been teasing
forever. But I I've got l j,
previously of the Geeks Under Grace podcast. I
don't remember the name of the group that
he's with now.
I think that's Comets of the Cross.
Okay. But he's gonna hop on with me.
We're gonna talk about the state of hip
hop as a total,
because 2024 was wild.
But I have it. My new favorite rapper
of all time is Kendrick Lamar.
And
on his song Euphoria,
he made a statement where he said, send
them send them to America to imitate heritage.
They can't imitate this violence.
And I'm like, yeah, that that pretty much
describes
this movie. The action scenes in this movie
is just like like
it's sort of like watching
did you ever watch WWF, Dallas?
A little bit. Yeah. Do you remember back
in the did you watch it back in
the classic WWF with the roided out giants
of, like, Hulk Hogan
and This is back when Hogan was wearing,
like, yellow tights. Yeah. And Macho Man
Mhmm. Shortsmith
shower curtain. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
So classic era. It's like
if you were to go
back to that era of WWF
now and actually watch it.
Mhmm. Oh, it's so bad.
Yeah.
But it but you're
everything's there as you remember it. But now
that you watch it, and you're an adult
now, and you have a certain, you have
a certain grasp on what reality is.
Right. It's just like, you're like, no, that's
not how that works. No, if you did
that, that's not how you would react.
Right. And then you you see how the
punches are missing or you're seeing how that
slam wouldn't even hurt or do any damage,
and
your brain starts may you start seeing the
cracks.
And I think that's what happened to me
in this movie. It's like I started seeing
all the cracks in it because I had
a firmer grasp on reality.
Right. Which which but this movie did bomb
at the box office. You know, like, everybody
was into it. So it makes me wonder
exactly
how much cocaine were they doing in the
eighties?
I think it was a matter of that
it was such a new and novel thing.
We the the martial arts boom was was
taking place back in the eighties nineties,
And,
everyone was excited about it. We're on the
back end of of Bruce Lee.
We're on the back end of all like,
Jackie Chan was starting to come into into
play a little bit. Mhmm.
Rumble in the Bronx had dropped just yet,
but, I mean, he's starting to come up
with a couple of them. Rumble in the
Bronx came out either 91 or 93. I
forget which. Yeah. And which was his which
was his American smash hit, but,
you know, it was starting to take place,
and we were so hungry for it because
it was a new type of genre. It
was a new type of thing we wanted
to watch and see. And so I think
that's what it was is it was just
it was
fun.
Well,
let's go ahead and get into the spoil
section of this,
and,
and let's let's talk specifics
about what we liked and didn't like about,
about John's,
smoldering childhood.
Ladies and gentlemen,
the spoiler section.
I'd like to welcome everybody to the,
smoldering remains of my innocence.
And, we're gonna go ahead and dig through
it and try to figure out why child
John's childhood is a complete farce.
I wanna start off by Joining me right
now, I have my panda spirit guide.
Hey, Vi. Why don't you go ahead and
help me,
sort through the wreckage
of why my entire life is a lie?
Well, I don't know if we can go
that deep into things, so let's call them
era. But I wanna point this out. I'm
gonna shout out to Dale for his comment
because, literally,
the first
thing in my notes about this movie is
this is a great intro to street fighter.
Like, it's panning through, and you see all
these martial artists in their, like, in their
their native country fighting, preparing,
and
then they're preparing for the tournament. Like, this
is Streetfighter.
The only way it would have been Mortal
Kombat is if it was in another world.
Right. Well and I think that's I think
that's the thing. Like, despite the fact that
this movie was
not good,
I think
it it was very unique
for its time just because it was an
all like, you you gotta understand at the
time, MMA wasn't a thing.
You know, like, if you wanted if you
wanted
to see people
doing
having some kind of combat sports, you're gonna
watch boxing,
you're gonna watch wrestling,
or go to a karate tournament that is
heavily
legislated.
Right.
And usually and it's not mixed martial arts.
It's one specific martial art only. And so
Right. It's you're not really comparing the martial
arts.
So in the eighties when this movie came
out, you didn't have any of that. And
and I think and I've watched enough documentaries
about the beginning of the UFC and the
beginnings of MMA through the nineties to know
that Bloodsport the movie Bloodsport was kind of
what inspired
the Gracies
and the original owners of the UFC to
have to have the original
ultimate fighting championship.
And and really, it was kind of
a mixture of, hey, wouldn't it be cool
if that was an actual thing on top
of the Gracies who invented
Brazilian jujitsu?
Right. They were kind of,
they were kind of trying to show the
world that, hey, you know what? We're superior.
You know? So it was kind of like
their dojo showing off on top of the
investors be kind of nerding out on cons,
the concepts that are being presented in these
movies with a kumite
or something to that effect.
So
there was a lot of unique ideas in
there that I think sparked the imagination.
Mhmm. And I think it was that
it was the it and that was the
kind of the cool thing about the cinema
in the eighties is
there was a lot that people had to
read into the stories and bring their imagination
to the table a bit to make the
movies work.
Whereas we're used to more modern
cinematic sensibilities
in that
you don't have to bring a whole lot
of imagination.
A lot of what you need to see
or think is being spoon fed to you
by what's being presented on the screen. You
know what I mean? Yeah.
So I did a quick little Google search.
And
interesting fact,
talk about just how
big it was in the '80s.
This came out in 1988.
And we know the martial arts boom ending
probably about 91, 92,
maybe? Maybe in
93.
It it it started to fizzle out in
the yeah. Around around that time period. I
mean,
really how these fads happen is they start
with the adults and they they kinda start
to push down towards the kids.
And as the kid as the kids grab
onto it, the adults let go. So during
that during the early nineties, it was more
being pushed down to, like, surf ninjas and
Hey. That's a fantastic movie. It is a
fantastic yo. Yo. Ernie Ernie Ernie Reyes.
I know I know that you're aware of
us now because you got the link you
got linked on the article, bro.
Get us up, my dude. Like, for real.
I I will hawk any movie that you're
doing. 100.
I don't I don't I am for sale.
My my my I am for sale. What?
I I will be your shill. I I
will I will be your DJ ac I
will be the DJ academics to your Drake.
So anyways Anyways, sorry. I'd I'd I'd what
happened? I lost consciousness. We were just talking
about Akumatay and Right. Well, we're talking about
how, like, this whole thing like, it was
just a portion of our our psyche and
everything like that. The what I from my
quick research, it looks like the first,
really American martial arts film.
And I I'm gonna separate that from traditional
martial arts films from the greats of, like,
Bruce Lee and all that Okay. Was a
movie called,
Enter the Ninja,
which came out in
1981.
And, it appears to be, like, the first
American Ninja movie. And then on the back
end of it also not back end of
it. There was a movie there's a video
game called Karate Champ, which we see featured
in this game. Yes.
And so,
all these elements again, we we're going, man,
this is a great Streetfighter game. But, like,
these are all elements that were just kind
of leading into the era of Streetfighter, which
Street Fighter itself, I I I think that
it did influence us to a degree Mhmm.
Because Street Fighter came out August 12,
1987.
Nice.
Very well could be.
Now, as I say influences, it influenced Frank
Duke's storytelling.
Yes. That we made a movie based off
of.
Yes.
Fair enough.
So I don't know.
I think
I mean, really,
I think in it with this movie, we're
in the same situation
that we were in for Best of the
Best where
there really wasn't
much of a story
to it. It was a confusing story. Like,
I was, like, I was I was so
confused to why
they didn't want him to go. Like, why
is a young force Whitaker after him? First
off, the force Whitaker is after you. You've
done something wrong, but I don't know what
he did wrong.
Was he was he with AWOL? And then
why was it just 2 cops who were
all of a sudden
very chill? Like, oh, okay. Cool. Well, let's
have a little roundabout here. Mhmm.
I don't know.
And, bro, like, Forest Whitaker is such a
chill, bro, to begin with. Like, if you've
done something to get Forest Whitaker to go
agro on you, man, you
you deserve to lose. I like I know.
Right? Like, it like, there's people, like, I
look at. I'm like, I bet they're really
super cool to hang out with. Not not
like just spaz out and go fanboy on,
but just, like, hang out in their house
and watch MTV and crack jokes. You know
what I'm talking about? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like,
I'd watch Yo! MTV Raps with Forest Whitaker.
Is is Yo! MTV rap still is still
a thing? Like I don't know. Isn't TV
still a thing? Well, I think they changed
it from music television to mediocre.
That was back in the 2000.
Oh my gosh.
But anyways,
but yeah. Like I said, like, the the
storytelling,
it was confusing. It's like,
why were we chasing him? Why was he
and, like, the whole thing about the Kumite
itself was so far fetched.
And
just and it was like it was all
like nobody knows about it, but we all
know about it.
Like,
it's a top secret.
It's a top secret illegal kung fu fight
that everybody knows about, and there's a news
article. And the police only stop Frank Dukes
about it because he's a he's an American.
So it just and and we're we're using
American with quotation marks. Let's just be real
about that.
Facts.
And I think I believe it was in
this movie where we heard the classic 1980
phrase. You can't do this to me. I'm
an American.
Yeah.
Oh my gosh.
And I got a question. Everyone had their
own martial arts style for the movie.
What was Jackson's martial arts? Was it was
it was it you? Was it wrestling? Was
it supposed to be WWE?
It's it's the American version of,
of drunken master.
It's
it's called I was so confused by this
character. It's called Ultimate Trailer Park. Oh, like,
how did he get there? Like, they made
a big deal about Jean Claude's because you
had to be invited
to be present there. Right? That was a
whole thing.
Maybe maybe the fighters are invited
by,
the predators. Like, they know who are the
dangerous people.
You know what I mean? Like, they just
kinda like weed them out so we know
who the target. I mean, honestly, like, they
they knew something about Homeboy in that third
Predator movie.
Right. The guy from That 70 Show. I
can't remember his name all of a sudden,
but you know what I'm talking about. I
gotcha. Like, the whole entire time, he's, like,
the gentle guy, and then all of a
sudden, he pulls out the scalpel. He's like,
oh, Homeboy's a serial killer. I just spoiled
that movie for you. I'm sorry.
But, you know, it's been out for over
a decade, sucking the buttercup.
But, like, the invitation process, legitimately, it was
so weird. It's like like, where did the
invitation come from? It's not like the brother,
the the kid had them to They don't
explain it. They don't explain it, like, at
all. Like Right.
And and they're like
and, of course, for those of you out
there who are into, like, again, reading about
this,
fake martial arts stuff,
The the fact that they they had to
just talk about the dimmock
once just to throw it out there, like,
hey. Hey. Be sure to talk about the
dimmock so people know what the dimmock is.
I mean, it was it was totally the
anti,
what's it, shotgun. I can't remember the dude's
name. The but it's
the writing theory that if a shotgun's introduced
in the first act of a play, it
needs to be fired before the 3rd act.
Yeah. Is over. It's I thought this was
the same sort of thing. Like, if you
mentioned the dim mock at the beginning, it
needs to be used somewhere else. And then
when you use it, it does nothing
in a fight.
Like Did you did you see that? He
used it in a fight, and it did
nothing.
Thing. Right? Not, you
know, and his face is all, like, consorted
and everything like that. And then the guy's
just like,
my belly rippled.
You know what? The
you know you know what the best part
Oh, normally. You know what the best part
about that is?
Is that it completely mocks Frank Dukes.
And the reason the reason is is because
the dim mock
that is advertised,
that count Dante
originally first made up and Frank Dukes ran
with,
was
was supposed to be a death touch that
was just a series of pressure points that
you hit that it was like the 5
finger palm of death from Killamore, basically.
The death touch
scene
in Batman the animated series was more intense
than this. But the point the point I'm
making though is the fact that the guy
was just like, ow, instead of, like, I'm
dead. Just Right. Bro, it was was just
kinda like a subtle, hey, Frank Dukes is
full of crap. Like, I was sitting there
waiting. I was like, okay. Is his, like,
is his bladder gonna explode all of a
sudden like that? Like, I was waiting for
it to happen, and I was like,
okay. We're doing nothing.
Okay. Cool.
Oh my gosh.
Why did we need a Kumite song?
You know, I think musician. Why do we
need that?
You know? Okay. So
these types of movies, these
these martial arts or combat sports tournament style
movies,
they all need to
for some reason in the eighties, these types
of movies needed to have a soundtrack that
was full of power ballads
and full of training montage music.
And if they were in most cases, it
was all just studio musicians that were writing
music that was tailored specifically for this movie.
And you're gonna see it happen again in
Kickboxer. Or you're gonna notice that the music
is very similar
across both movies.
It it literally sounds like Peter Cetera,
from
from Chicago
is singing over a hair metal band about,
you were born a fighter.
You were born to rise to the top.
Nobody else can stop you.
You've gotta show them
you can't be stopped.
So is this, like, a thing for you?
Like, this genre?
No. It's just I have
clear memories.
I'm just curious if this is something that,
like, just inspires you.
You know, this is what fueled me back
in the day because, like,
eighties cinema was 100%
a matter
of style over substance.
Yeah. And I think I think that's what
I'm I'm missing that mindset from this movie.
And that's the reason why it feels like
my childhood is a lie is because I
was in that style over substance mindset in
the eighties because it was the eighties.
Right. And now that we've grown past that
as a society,
it feels so outdated to go try to
get back into that mindset.
If you if you if you look at
any kind of documentary
about the eighties, it's often referred to as
the me decade because it was a very
self centered decade. It was all about style
and panache and how can I be flashy
and be cool? Right.
And so that's what a lot of media
centered around.
So It's fair.
So and I I think that's where the
disconnect is in this because we've already talked
about the entire movie.
Yeah.
There's there's a tournament.
There's a tournament.
Jean Claude Van Damme goes into it. There's
a bad guy or a big boss man
at the end of the tournament that he
needs to beat. He does. He wins. America's
great. It's the eighties. Yea Reagan.
Yep. Am I right? Yep. That's it.
And everything
I don't know. Again, the storyteller's weird.
It's not weird. It's just there isn't a
story.
I
like, just everything of it. Like, the
and, like, there are so many ridiculous parts.
Like, when he's in the court like, he's
in the alleyway, and they pull up the
tasers.
And he's like, let me materialize a trash
can lid and ricochet it and and tase
out
these foreign police officers,
which should, by the way, in in his
butt up in a in a jail somewhere.
Oh, 100%.
100%.
Which would have been a better movie. And
then like, she's like, no, don't fight. And
then she's like, go fight. You got this.
Like, she was, like, complete, like, reversal everything.
Like,
my childhood is a lie, Dallas.
It happens.
Alright. So,
I mean Should we rate it?
Yeah, dude. I like this. I think we
ran into the same problem with Best of
the Best where we just start we started
talking about concepts that we thought about during
the movie because there wasn't a story to
keep us occupied.
I'm gonna point this out here. I was
reading the back of the box, and you
and I went on a tangent in the
middle of me reading the back of the
box about other things. And that's basically we've
done this entire podcast is we're talking about
this movie,
but we're
not. Right. We're talking
when we say we're talking about this movie,
we're talking about it like you walk about
a forest.
We're talking around it.
It's like nobody wants to touch it. It's
like, oh, there's a thing right there.
Oh, don't pick it up.
What kind of poop is this? Alien poop.
What? No. Don't touch it. You don't know
where it's been.
Alright. Well, let's get into our rating system.
If you're new to our show,
sorry.
Because some of you genuinely clicked on it
going, oh, I love this movie. And,
Yeah. So here's our ratings. We have a
4 system to a rating system here,
top shelf. I need to own this
middle shelf. Maybe if it's streaming, I'll watch
it bottom shelf. I probably will never watch
this again.
And then dumpster fire. I will actively try
to keep people from watching this movie. We
are erasing it from history. And to our
knowledge, no movie has ever made it into
the dumpster.
So, John, since your childhood is smoldering right
now,
where are you gonna put this?
So,
yeah, this movie isn't a good movie. And
it's it's
it's not even as good of a movie
as I remember it being.
And for and for people out there who
were, like,
saying it's the best action movie ever,
I'm willing to bet that they're probably say
making that statement based off of memory instead
of recent exposure. I would say before you
judge how Dallas and I are about to
rate this movie, because I have a feeling
he and I are gonna be on the
same level with this.
So before you get upset about it, do
me a favor.
Before you start sending any angry tweets
and angry
messages
or whatnot,
go watch the movie again. It's for free
on it's for free on Tubi. Go watch
that movie again, and then come back and
then tell me if tell me tell us
if our ratings are correct after you've watched
this movie
recently.
Right.
And if you disagree with us, by all
mean after you do that, by all means,
send us that message. I would be more
than happy to talk to talk about your
message on the air, and we would discuss
that happily. I'll create a new bumper for
a mailbag section for that for those comments.
Like, I I I welcome that smoke as
long as you're
willing to sit down and watch this travesty
again.
So That's fair. With with that being said,
this movie is a bad movie, but I
don't hate this movie.
This is an entertaining
bad movie
because
it is bad in a way that entertains
me because
does that make sense? Yeah. It's sort of
it's sort of that
crawl.
Yeah.
Sort of
bad where, yeah, it's not good.
But it's not I wanna turn it off
either. So
with with that being said, it didn't live
up to my
my nostalgic memories. However,
this movie was important.
It inspired a lot of things that I
enjoy
today.
I don't think Jean Claude Van Damme can
act his way out of a paper bag.
And I think he would. And I think,
like, if given the command to play dead,
he would still have issues with it and
making it believable, and all you have to
do is lay on the ground with your
eyes closed.
So that being said, I'm gonna give it
a super low middle shelf.
Like, if it's if it's on streaming, I've
got nothing to do, and my wife isn't
home, and I've I don't really feel like
playing video games,
and I'm caught up on Ultimate Fighter.
And
I'm caught up on my backlog,
and
I'm caught up on my Audible,
and
I'm caught up on my books, and I
don't have any podcasts that I have to
edit, and I don't have any prep I
have to do for,
playing games with strangers,
and I don't have
to do any of my Japanese,
or I don't have to do any any
continuing education
for my certification for work 1 hour later.
Then I might consider,
watching it again. And you I've lost track.
Did you say middle shelf or not? I
I said middle. I said a very low
middle shelf.
Alright.
Good, too.
Alright. So
alright. So middle shelf for you. So for
me, ladies and gentlemen,
Ralph's Johnson, it's not a good movie
at all.
It is it is
terrible.
But I had fun watching it.
You guys,
I'm hoping that this energy that Dallas and
I have right now is Trent is transmitting
through the recording because,
like, this is this this stupid energy should
be telling you what this movie is.
This movie is a junk food and fart
jokes style movie, like 100%.
Yeah. So for me here at the bottom
shelf,
it's a middle shelf film, ladies and gentlemen.
This movie,
across the board, just
mid.
Like, this is this this movie is like,
when it comes to action movies, this movie
is like a mayonnaise on white bread sandwich.
Like, I don't I don't hate it. I'm
not gonna be like, god, just kill it
all. If it's on TV, like and that's
the thing is, like, Celeste, we're we're watching
it, and we're going,
like, we're we're both having vague memories of
watch, and it helped to watch it on
Tubi, actually. Because there are commercials on Tubi.
It felt like watching it on Sunday afternoon
on TBS. Didn't
mom's cooking a roast in the background. We're
just chilling. You
know,
we may go up and get eat dinner
or miss like 30 minutes of it. Not
know we didn't miss anything. It's a story
doesn't matter. It just move on with our
lives.
So I wanna say this. If you're going
to watch it, you have to watch it
on TBS or something with commercials
to order, to get the true experience of
this film. If you can get one of
those novelty candles that has like that make
it smell like Sunday dinners cooking in the
background, it will enhance the experience to a
level you won't even understand. I promise you
Wear a pair of corduroys while you're at
it.
Oh, yeah. The texture of the good ladies
with you.
Oh, Jesus.
Alright. Ladies and gentlemen, we wanna hear from
you.
Here here here's the thing here's the thing.
This movie, you won't have a good time
watching this movie,
but you'll have a good time talking about
it afterwards.
That's fair. That's definitely fair.
As so many movies we watch are.
Oh my gosh. Oh, jeez. Alright. Well, let's
go ahead and get on over to the
weak connection area before we die.
This is a We Connection.
Welcome to the We Connection portion of our
podcast where we talk about these movies and
try to find something redeemable about them. And
good luck, Dallas, because I've got nothing.
I got something for you, buddy. So at
one point, there's a portion where Jean Claude
Van Damme is talking to the girlfriend of
the week, and he is,
working through it's right after,
the, the wrestler
is
in the hospital room,
injured.
And
there she's arguing with him about why he
needs to go back into this. And he's
he's talking to her. He's like, look. We
I have to do it because I I
need to show that I'm the best at
what I am. Because, like, you wanna be
a good reporter. You got this your your
effort into it because there's something to prove.
There's something to show I I am doing
my very best to be the very best.
And that's kind of a I underline of
most martial art movies. Right? Where the I
gotta be the best I can be.
Even Pokemon did it. So
but my the whole aspect of just doing
your best
in whatever situation you're in, that's something we
need to do,
for multiple reasons. 1, it's a sign of
integrity. 2,
it's it's something for yourself. But also,
for for John and I as Christians,
there's a there's a scripture out there, Colossians
chapter 3 verse 23. And whatever you do,
do it heartily as, as to the Lord
and not to men.
Our motivation as as Christ followers to do
what we do
is
to glorify Christ. And it's in every situation
of our lives.
I do the best that I can in
in the mundane things because it gives glory
to God. It points back to him. It's
a reflection of who of who he is.
In the movie, Jean Claude, he is pushing
this because it's a reflection of Tanaka.
He needs to show
if he doesn't do well, it's a reflection
on on Tanaka's hard work and what Tanaka
poured into him. For us, with everything we
do as Christians,
if we're not giving our best,
then it's reflecting back to the Lord in
a poor way, and that's a poor testament
of who God is and his grace for
the world. So that is my weak connection.
Sweet.
Alright.
Well, with all that being said, how about
you, everybody out there? Do you agree with
our assessment of this movie? Do you think
it was better? Do you think it's worse?
Tell us why. Hit us up on the
socials in the,
I think we're on x. We're on,
the face. We're on we're on Instagram, and
we're on,
Facebook.
Alright. We're on all the meta platforms then.
And just
what's that? Discord and YouTube. Oh, yeah. And
hit us up on the Discord. That's where
we're that's where I'm mostly active. Sometimes I'll
pop in over on the Facebase group, but
really, Discord owns me at this juncture. So,
go ahead and hit up the hit up
our Discord and give us a chat.
And Dallas can verify. I like to play
I like to pull people out of our
Discords to do stuff on podcasts with me.
So,
if you hang out and get to know
us, I might tap you to do stuff.
So
if that's any incentive, I will buy your
affection.
So
so that being said,
you got anything you wanna plug, Dallas, before
we switch off?
Just make sure you guys check out the
rest of the podcast network we have We
Read Allegedly, where John and, Squid and Celeste
are doing a great job talking about different
books that they bring to the table.
They're not requesting books. This is books they
are reading, they're bringing to the table. Just
wanna put, put that out there for you.
Check out,
the Gundam watch. Brents and I, we're going
through,
the 8th MS team,
right now. Check out,
the Spyro fan podcast, which Brent is gonna
have some view. New episodes come out with
his father, actually, pretty soon, so that's gonna
be pretty exciting. And just check out the
rest of Geek Devotions, geekdevotions.com.
Alright. Well, with that being said, thanks so
much for hanging out,
Dallas and I sincerely
appreciate your continued
listening.
And until next time,
stay
fresh, devoted
cheese
bags. Peace and love, y'all.
Yeah.