I can't judge you for the Lord.
Dallas? Yeah.
Get it. I need you to help me
clear out Bam's old room. He left all
his stuff here when he transubstantiated
out of our reality.
Hold on one second. Bro, he's he's got
the secret closet.
There's so much nylon.
Secret closet.
No. Wait. Secret closet.
Why? Pam's bedroom. Why are there so many
leg holes? Oh, right. He was is that
a logo for an octopus, man? Captain Octopus.
Captain Octo, I think, is what it was
saying.
Oh, right. Captain Octo. Maybe maybe, maybe if
he went back
to seminary
and became, like, a doctor, he could be
he could be doctor
octopus.
Oh, that would be funny. What what are
what are these? What? Did he pull movies
out of the dumpster? What is this? Here's
a private journal entry right here.
Should we be reading his private journal? He's
not here. Technically, he doesn't exist anymore. So
Well, that's reality.
Yep.
Okay. So here we
go. Dear diary,
I was right. I truly do enjoy the
smell of pansies and frolicking and if no.
That we don't wanna read that.
Here we go.
I have made a great discovery
in
the dumpster.
There seems to be an entire section of
Christian movies about people
who are
becoming more than what they are
to rise above and become heroes.
And, oh, this is all, like, uber bam
schlock.
Was Branson trying to become a superhero?
Prepare yourself to discover a world of terrible
movies.
High above the planet Geekery, a group of
intrepid explorers hover over the dangerous planet in
their fabulous super orbital spacecraft.
Their mission, to conduct a complete analysis of
movies known throughout the universe as terrible.
So grab your space popcorn, grab your freeze
dried ice cream, and join us for today's
mission of discovery
and wonder.
Are these movies better than the galaxy thinks?
Or do they really belong
on the bottom shelf?
What is
happening?
All you glorious Geek Devotions
family out there.
It's your boy,
John,
and I'm here with Captain Dallas. We are
on this mysterious
space station above the planet Geekery,
watching these terrible movies so you don't have
to, or
if at the very least,
you're not alone in doing so.
You know, I think I just ran through
all of that without even hitting a bumper,
and then once I hit that last wall,
it's just like, I can't think.
Dallas, what are we watching this week?
Well, we're sifting through Branson's,
private collection of movies here.
For those of you guys who don't know
Branson,
who used to be part of the show
until we got separated from this reality into
another one,
he was an octopus. Apparently, he was playing
a career as a
superhero. And so I you know, I Doc
Ock. Because apparently,
auto auto Octavius became Spider Man in some
I'm just finding this out. And do you
know what I found out? Do you know
where I found out? Where did you find
out? I found out on the Geek Devotions
Discord
Oh. Under the friendly neighborhood spider fan podcast
section of the Discord.
Bam, bam, bam. That's how I learned, and
I learned that this week. Yes. So check
out the Discord, guys. You'll learn all kinds
of crazy things.
That being said, we're gonna look at the
couple of these movies that Branson left behind
here in his room when he got ripped
out of reality.
The first one looks like it's called
Beyond
the
Mask.
Beyond the Mask. Yeah. Yeah. I've seen that.
Really? I have. Wow. Is that the one
with the, like, the green mask? It's like
the like, it was Jim Carrey's baby? No.
That was that was the mask. Oh. Oh.
Okay.
Was it the one about,
the, the serial killer? And he was he
was running around wild and No. That was
that was behind the mask. Oh, man. I
don't know what this one is. No. This
is beyond
the mask.
Oh, okay.
So we're
apparently, there's a lot of movies that have
perspective on
the mask. The mask.
So let's dive. I wonder if we have
to watch all these movies to make this
make sense.
I don't know. Like, where is this and
where is this in the in the timeline?
Because I'm uncertain.
Oh my gosh. I'm not sure. Let me
pull up this thing. Intro
of the movie
says,
coming from the same company that brought you
War Room. Oh, written by Paul
McCusker,
writ writer of the podcast series, The Victories
of Joan the Arc, and Stephen Kendrick,
not related to the guy putting out, diss
tracks at John's in love with. No.
Writer of Fireproof.
I remember that one. Beyond the mask is
the assassin's creed movie that you wish you
had gotten. Oh, interesting.
Star starring a borderland
scavenger, Andrew Cheney,
and the mightiest dwarf of them all, Gimli.
Peter Dinklage, please don't come for us.
And the woman who's been on every single
Chicago PD fire and everything else TV show
ever, Kara Kilmer. So that's that's that's my
intro to the movie that we have here
in the database, John. It looked like there
was a second paragraph there. I just didn't
know if you were
going to read that or not. So,
okay.
Well,
with that, why don't you go ahead,
and read that back of the box.
Alright. Back of the box says,
the leading mercenary of the British East India
Company, Will Randalls,
has just been double crossed and now
is on the run-in the American colonies. I
feel like we need, like, colonial music playing.
Working to redeem his name and win back
the affections of the woman with whom he's
never been fully truthful,
Will now hides behind a new mask in
hopes of thwarting
his former employer.
Interesting.
Interesting. So you've seen this?
I have seen this. So I'm assuming you
have some fantastic trivia for us based on
it.
Trivia. Mhmm.
Actors Andrew Chaney and Kara Kilmer actually got
married in real life
on May 14, 2016.
That's cool. So the romance there is real.
Nice.
The vote to declare
independence was actually taken on July 2nd,
17/76.
The text of the declaration of independence was
approved
on July 4th, 17/76.
The only person to sign the document on
July 4th, 17/76
was John Hancock as president of congress,
and it was read publicly
on July 8th
17 1776
by city sheriff John Nixon. Alright. Cool beans.
Alright. So this is a
period piece that is almost factual.
It is. Yeah. It's,
sorry. I thanks for covering for me, Dallas,
while I was trying to destroy my lungs.
Yeah. It is it is a period piece
that takes place during colonial
times. Final piece of trivia I have for
this here is rubber rubber
tongue twister. Rubber covered copper cables,
were not in use before 18 eighties.
Particularly odd that they figure in the bombing
plot of 1776.
No. There's a bombing plot in this.
You know,
are we watching V for Vendetta?
Maybe.
I I I will say I will say
that there is,
there is definitely some references to Guy Fawkes
in this movie.
Cool.
Cool. Alright. Well, let's check out the community
outreach through the magic of podcasting. We have
a few comments based on this movie.
So,
from Dale,
made me feel at times like I was
watching a stunt show at 6 flags
or a a play at BPCC Local Community
College rather than a movie. That doesn't sound
good.
So savage.
Oh,
Branson chimed in from the alternate universe.
Okay. Great concept. Lots of great actors, but
the Christian part feels very forced.
Enjoyable to see once, but I would
I but not when I would revisit unless
I needed to. Oh. Wait. What what's what
what do you mean needed to? Like, when
do you have when do you need to
revisit a movie?
When you do a podcast about movies that
you've watched before. Bro.
Y'all are breaking my heart. Alright. Alright. Alright.
Last one is from Drew. First thought when
I saw,
the poster was, is that AI art? No.
Can't be. The hands are too good.
Oh.
My favorite my favorite part of that is
I having worked with AI art before that
is the worst,
is the hands. Mhmm. Hands are terrible to
begin with the draw.
Alright. Well,
let's get into expectations. I'm gonna tell you
this right now, John. Hearing our community outreach,
I don't have high hopes for this film,
but the art looks cool. And,
and the the vocabulary from our intro of
the movie about the Assassin's Creed movie that
you wish you had gotten, I'm kinda looking
forward to that. So,
my expectations are go are we'll find out.
We'll find out.
Alright.
As far as my expectations, I've seen this
movie before, so
I I'm going into it, like, there were
this this this movie came out at a
weird period of time in my life Mhmm.
Where
my
anxiety was at an all time high, and
I wasn't I wasn't being treated for it.
Mhmm.
And so one thing that people who deal
with extreme anxiety will tell you is that
they have a tendency to jump to conclusions
about a lot of stupid things.
And one thing that I did at the
time was, like, I need to get I
need to stop focusing so much on worldly
entertainment.
I need to focus in on Christian entertainment.
So that was when I discovered this movie.
So,
cool.
Yeah. I watched it, and I'm like, you
know, this isn't as trash as all the
other Christian movies are. So,
and and that's kind of the impact that's
left for me. So it's a comparative statement,
but I remember enjoying it quite a bit.
I'm expecting it, albeit
I medicated now, so anxiety can cover many
a mistake.
I understand.
I understand. Alright. Cool beans. Alright. Well, let's
get into that viewing chamber, and hopefully, we
got something good in this pot.
Dear listeners,
this is your opportunity to escape. Our crew
has just entered into the media projection chamber.
What horrors and madness that they consume are
unknown.
Their mental state upon their return is unknown.
You have been
warned.
I mean, seriously, if they would have if
they would have put that in the movie
theater and
with the with the poster outside for the
Assassin's Creed movie,
Tell me, like, you would think that was
the Assassin's Creed movie. Right?
Yeah. Yeah. The like, Assassin's Creed 3. Right?
It it's totally like the Connor arc. Yeah.
Like, Hollywood.
Welcome back, everybody. We just got done watching
the movie,
and it's some people might say, hey, that's
a bit of a spoiler, but oh, nay
nay, dear listener.
I'm I must tell you that it's obvious
from the art that this movie wanted to
be assassin's creed, and boy, did they shoot
for it in this movie. Ain't that the
truth?
So let's get into the
non spoiler
e section of the podcast.
Do you have any thoughts on this, Captain
Mora? Yeah. Well, we've already made the the
the the the thought process. This was, like,
a Assassin's 3 or Assassin's Creed clone. Mhmm.
Which, by the way, it came out the
year before Assassin's Creed the movie. Oh, for
real. So this was, like, original IP.
Yeah. Wow. And so now, they probably were
looking at the show I mean, the the
games, and,
Assassin's Creed had a bigger budget, so it
was probably in production longer than this one.
But, but yeah. Now, visually,
it wasn't terrible for Christian films. And, again,
we're gonna put this out there. John and
I are both Christians. We're both believers in
Jesus Christ, and we're gonna do our best
not to just slam Christian, media. But there
is a stigma about it. And, visually,
production wise, it's not it it's not the
low bar that is set there for it's
a bit above it. Although, it did feel
like, at times, like I was watching 1
big, Highlander flashback scene. I could see that.
Just the way that they they especially when
they were doing, like, the fast movement and
then there was the fog at times Mhmm.
And, and there was, like, the period pieces,
and you're like, something just doesn't seem right
at the same time.
So, it kinda made me nostalgic to go
back and watch the Highlander TV series. Nice.
Yeah.
I mean, I could see that. I think
for me, every time I watch this movie,
I I get caught up in just the
awe of it being a Christian film that
has that much attention and attention to the
to its production. Mhmm. Because whereas, like, I
wouldn't necessarily put this on par with, like,
the Avengers or something like that. No.
If I put it above Dungeons and Dragons.
The new one or the old one? The
old one. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, I would, too.
I mean, to be fair, like, if this
would have came out in
the early to mid 2000, I would have
been happy with this. Like, this would have
been a blockbuster in the movie theater to
watch.
So the visuals really aren't
that terrible. I mean, it's definitely better than
the visuals that were in the second mummy
movie, to be sure.
Yeah. I'll give you that. And that was,
like, what, 2002?
Yeah. Yeah. Dwayne, the the Scorpion King. And
that looked like a video game character. Like,
for real? For real.
You're not wrong about that.
Whereas
the CG in this, like, only because I
was looking for it, I could see where
the CG was. Right.
There were a few green screen moments. I
was like, oh. And a lot of that
was just lighting differentials. And to be to
be fair, like, the first time I watched
this movie, I watched it on my old
TV, which was 10:80.
Right. And then I watched it this time
on my current TV, which is a 4
k.
This movie was not made to be seen
in 4
k because the first the first time I
watched it, I didn't notice the lighting differentials
when they were on the green screen, so
it blended a lot better. Yeah. Exactly. But
because of the higher resolution, I was able
to be I was able to see the,
basically, the seams of where the effects ended
and the actual capture began.
Right. Right.
The storytelling,
the pacing of it was awkward at times.
There were times where it was moving so
fast. Like, it felt like it was doing
major time jumps, and then all of a
sudden, it was just very slow at times.
Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Captain Gundam, are you
seriously gonna pass that judgment?
I mean, for real. I'm not I'm not
saying
I'm not saying it's a bad thing. I'm
just pointing out that there was a storytelling,
and that's how it was. It was like
felt like it was, like, massive time jumps
and then boom. Now you're for those who
are wondering what John specifically is referenced to,
he's talking about our our journey through,
f 91,
which, to be fair, there's a difference between
the way f 91 did because it was
originally a script for a series
versus a movie, and they crammed it into
it. No, sir. I'm just talking about Gundam
series in general. They all have that problem
where
they'll go they have whiplash
tempo changes throughout them just like, and we're
jumping 3 months, and here's a spot, and
then we're gonna pad this out, and then
we're gonna hit a massive action section, and
then we're gonna jump another year.
I'll say this, though. It held my attention
better than another movie that came out in
2015, which was Chappie.
Chappie was boring as all get out. Bro,
I remember that. That was the that was,
like, the
It was, like, an AI robot. Robot. Yeah.
It was,
it was, police robots and everything like that.
That movie bored the mess out of me.
And so,
but similar time frame. So I'm I'm pointing
out the fact that it the because, again,
Chappy had some weird pacing issues also even
though I think it was all within, like,
a certain time period. Mhmm. This one, though,
it was, like, things felt like they moved
fast, but at the same time, they weren't
happening fast, and it was just really awkward
at points.
So just that's just the way the storytelling
was coming out. Yeah.
I can dig that, but I'll say this
Mhmm. And you're gonna find this amusing.
Think about the storytelling
in Assassin's Creed games. Mhmm.
Yeah. Right? Were they just aiming to mimic
Assassin's Creed? What's happening here?
Seriously.
Like, was, like were the company the guys
who wrote this, there's, like, hey. Y'all remember
the Assassin's Creed game we played in college?
Let's do that.
But at Jesus.
Oh, my gosh. So what you're saying
is that you want us to go around
and kill the bad guys
and requiem ex Pache,
stuff like that,
and then
Jesus,
and then that's it. I mean, and and
to be fair, you know, getting out of
that fake boardroom
bit I was trying to do when Dallas
was looking at me like you didn't understand
what was going on. No. I got you.
I'm I'm looking up. I'm trying to figure
out,
the release date
of Assassin's Creed games.
Oh, that would that goes back to the
PS 3, my man. It does. So
2012
Yeah. Is Assassin's Creed
3.
Uh-huh. And this was, 2015.
Yeah. 2015. So,
quite possibly,
the guys watched played Assassin's Creed 3, loved
the idea of
it, it stuck in there, and then they
created the,
this movie with this in the background
of their head.
Because Black Flag was 2013,
Rogue and Unity was 2014,
Syndicate, which is the best of the games,
came out in 2015,
and then just all goes downhill from there.
Mhmm. Yeah. Just looking at it, like, I
I really think
these guys played
a c 3, and it was just in
the background while they were script writing. You
know, it it wouldn't surprise me, and I'm
fine with it. No. No. To be perfectly
honest with you, it's like because I remember
this came out about the same time that
the Assassin's Creed movie came out. Mhmm.
And when I when I I
actually, like we said, this came out 1
year before the the AC movie came out.
Mhmm.
But I I didn't see this until after
the AC movie came out. And
the thing about it is that
I watched it, and I didn't watch all
of the Assassin's Creed movie, but I already
knew that this was just the more entertaining
movie between the 2 because there was less
exposition and more actual action,
which is weird to say about a Christian
movie. You know what I mean? Yeah. That
was one thing I I I did notice
is, like again, we're we're comparing this to
other Christian movies, instead of just a film
and period.
But it is a
it it felt less preachy than other Christian
films that we've watched, that I've watched over
the years.
And I'm gonna go with Branson. It the
the moment where it was like, this is
the presentation of the gospel,
it did feel so kind of hamstring in
there, which is a problem within most Christian
cinema.
And,
we can get to a conversation about Christian
cinema later if you want to about some
of the issues,
that they run into. But it it felt
more actiony. It did have that and, again,
this is a legitimate issue.
Christian cinema markets itself towards,
stay at home moms. That is the that's
legitimately
like, it's a it's a known thing that
that's how they build their stories.
It still had a bit of that in
there, but a lot more action to cover
up for for for dudes.
Yeah.
Yeah. I could see that.
And I I remember at the time when
I bought the movie, because I bought it
sight unseen because, you know,
paranoid
anxiety.
One of the things that I read from
the production people or the company that made
this movie
was that that, yeah, they were they were
specifically
trying to make movies that people wanted to
watch
rather than
something that was designed for the
specific Christian cinema crowd. Which I really appreciate
that that they were just trying to do
art. Mhmm.
And I I will agree with you that
the part where they
put the message in felt like it was
shoehorned in,
typically in the in the way where you'd
have a shoehorned romance
crew card in,
which I I felt was kind of sad
because I felt like the whole message that
they were trying to convey was throughout the
entire movie fairly well. Yeah.
In in a very,
Lewis, what's his face,
Sort of.
No.
The guy who wrote art in the bible,
Louis Schafer. Oh, yeah.
A very Louis Schafer sort of way where
it wasn't ham fisted, and the the theme
felt natural.
But to me, I would almost be willing
to bet that there was probably some,
church investor
or some spiritually
based investor,
that was like,
there isn't
as strong enough of a message
of,
of a call to repentance, so to speak.
That because it showed the repentance, but it
didn't have a call to repentance. Mhmm. And
as a result, I could see,
somebody who is less focused on making some
less less aligned with
the mission of the production company of making
Christian movies people wanna watch
Mhmm.
To making
movies that Christians
will
feel like they have to watch, if that
makes sense. I guess that. I don't know.
It's just sad that people feel like they
need to crowbar that in there because the
best pieces of Christian are are the ones
that don't feel,
that don't use
proselytization
as a chore or a checkpoint.
Right. Yeah. So,
I'm trying to think of what else we
can say without giving away too much.
Can we talk about costuming?
Yeah. Let's do that.
Because again and we're again, we're gonna be
trying a lot of comparisons.
And to give to give,
a kind of a peek as to why
what we did this month,
basically,
I didn't want to do Christmas movies for
the month month of December because I hate
Christmas movies.
And
I said, hey, let's let's give each other
a gift and pick movies that we like.
And something that we've we said when we
started this podcast was we didn't
wanna when it came to Christian media, we
didn't wanna pick low hanging fruit and just
bash
give people a reason not to watch or
consume Christian art Right. Especially when there's enough
stereotypes that is bad
already.
And so I said, let's do this. Let's
pick Christian movies that
we both enjoy,
and that will be our gift to each
other. We're being like, hey, I dig this
movie. I think you will too. Let's watch
this and review it. Right. Right. The whole
thing on the front about Bryson becoming a
superhero was a joke for those of you
guys who missed that, although
Bryson has sung songs about reading about wearing
tight tights. I'm just saying.
I've heard it.
He's also has swung a sword around and
tried to cut Dallas's throat. Well, not cut
it. Just puncture it. No. You can't puncture
without cutting, my man. Yeah. Depends on how
you look at it. But yeah.
Anyway, the point is, is that Branson tried
to kill Dallas. That's all we're trying to
say.
But, anyway, god, now you made me forget
the point I was actually trying to engage.
Well, this is these are movies that we
liked, and we're trying to avoid the the
low hanging fruit. Right. Right. Right. So,
basically, you know,
this
for me coming into this,
all the all the production points here
are fantastic. And and and we're going to
make we're going to make a lot of
comparisons to other Christian cinema. And it's not
necessarily to say, hey,
Christian cinema is terrible because let's face it,
there's a lot of indie secular,
cinema that's just as terrible. Right. But we
want we're simply doing it to accent.
This is growth. This is progress, and it's
something that should be pointed out that this
is something that should be celebrated
because we're demonstrating that in previous
whatever Christian cinema, it wasn't this good. And
this needs to be pointed out because this
needs to be this is this needs to
be the new standard, not the new Yeah.
Exceptional.
So with that said, the costuming in this
movie
so far above the normal Christian cinema standard.
I know I took the long route to
get there, but I didn't want to drop.
I didn't. I didn't want to violate our
own rules about taking a dump on Christian
cinema because I don't you know, there are
some good Christian movies out there. It's just
their production is poor because the money isn't
there. Right. And when the money is there,
you're not gonna make it back. Right. Because,
like, this probably should have been something that
was said in the
beginning,
and I gotta pull it up again. But
if I
recall correctly,
beyond the mask
did not even make its budget back.
Oh, I'm sure it probably didn't. Alright. So
it had a gross, well I can beat
you to it. I'm not seeing a budget.
I see gross,
worldwide, which was,
1,236,
94.
Opening weekend in the US, 18,000. 18,000.
Mhmm. I'm not seeing a budget for this
film, though.
I don't remember where I saw the information.
I don't know. But even still, or maybe
it was the other movie we did, The
Masked Saint, that didn't make its budget back.
Alright, so the budget for Beyond the Mask
was $4,000,000
Okay, there we go.
So the problem and so the problem is
is that people don't show out to Christian
cinema because
Christian cinema has a tendency
to be poor in quality. So we are
trying to point out that it can be
done. So let's do that. More of that,
please. Yeah. Definitely. But it it's only gonna
happen where the money's at, so we're gonna
point that stuff out. Yeah. Definitely. Definitely. So
cool. Well, let's go into spoilers, man.
Let's go into the spoiler
boo.
Ladies and gentlemen,
the spoiler section.
Can I talk about my the funniest light
moment for me? Go ahead. It's when,
home dude has just, like, jumped out the
windows of wherever he was at because,
they're after him. And the the crowd who
thinks he's so many time in this movie,
apparently, you have to be a little bit
more specific. It was right it was right
after the dude from Sliders is about to
get him. And,
and, and they just revealed the fact that
he is the,
the the the terror of India of any
of India. And Yeah. He's he's jumped out
there. He just knocks out a bunch of
guards. He's holding a gun, and the entire
population is standing there going, why does the
pastor have a gun?
Like, this is awkward. It's like, why does
the vicar have a gun? This is interesting.
The thing about it is
like the story of this movie is pretty
forgettable.
Yeah,
I'm I'm I'm a be honest. Like, everything
that I love about this movie could easily
be communicated
in the beginning, in the non spoiler part.
Like, it looks good.
The, you know, the story
was
intentional.
It was intentionally
trying to be a story rather than
a sermon with a narrative wrapped around it,
you know, stuff like that.
But I mean, the actual story in this
movie, it's it's
it's just a revision,
history revision,
a revisionist
history fiction.
Right.
Yeah. But I mean, you know, it's Assassin's
Creed, man. What are you going to do?
It's all like
that. I mean, you got it. You got
to you're turning a windmill into a band
of graph generator so you can blow up
the city of Philadelphia.
Right.
That's really like, that's what the story was.
You know, you have a guy who was,
again, the terror of the East India Trading
Company, and,
he's betrayed.
And,
and his escape, he takes on identity of
a vicar, falls in love with a chick,
finds out the chick is the niece to
the guy who was trying to kill him.
And so he runs off to America, and
he's trying to redeem his name. That's the
running theme of the whole thing is redeeming
his name. I
this movie is 100%
Connor from Assassin's Creed versus,
a Bond villain. Yeah. Yeah. So Oh, can
we can we talk about Jonathan Rice Davies?
I'm I I am shocked that his name
has not come up since we hit record
so far. Like, we were talking about him
all before we were recording, and all of
a sudden we hit record and we forgot
Gimli was in this movie. To be fair,
I did say the dude from Slider showed
up, so I did talk about him a
little bit. But holy cow, people.
Okay. So you are He may be the
biggest actor in this film. He is. And
boy did boy was that evident.
Like, he are you're not supposed to root
for the bad guy, but when the bad
guy's turning in the best performance, it's hard
not to. His acting was on point the
entire time. But he again, he he is
a he is a professional,
he does this well,
and,
like, he commands a scene when he walks
in. It's like watching people, like, it's like
watching people on screen with Anthony Hopkins.
Anthony Hopkins does this too. Like, he will
chew scenery like no one's business Mhmm. Or
or it's like when people get Eminem to
feature on one of their tracks. It's like
you gotta come with your a game, or
he'll body you on your own track.
Right. So and this isn't his first like,
he's been in a lot of Christian movies.
But I would say this. What was your
what's your earliest memory of him? Well, here's
the problem with John with him as an
actor Mhmm. Is he's one of those actors
who are chameleons.
Mhmm. Like, I don't recognize him from movie
to movie. I only basically, I recognize his
eyes and his nose, and everything else changes
in everything. Right. And so, like, you look
at him in this movie, and then you
can kinda see that he's Gimli or vice
versa.
And so it's just like
so,
you know, the earliest one I can remember
is Lord of the Rings. Oh.
However,
I know he's been in in a whole
lot more than that, and I also know
that as a one of those type of
chameleon
stylized character actors
Right. I've probably seen him in places prior
to that and not realized it.
Sort of like Ralph Fiennes. He's like in
everything. Yeah. But you don't ever recognize him
in anything. Like, no one ever goes like,
Hey, let's go check out that Ralph Fiennes
new joint. What's wrong?
Yeah. No. Most people most people would be
like, who's Ralph Fiennes?
I think my earliest I remember seeing him
is it has to be Indiana Jones in
The Last Crusade. Oh, yeah. He was in
that, too, wasn't he? Yeah.
That or Bloodsport
3.
But the the part that sticks out the
most to me visually is his part in
sliders
and,
vocally, it's his part in,
gargoyles.
You and your gargoyles, man. What does that
mean me by gargoyles? What does that mean?
Bro, it's, like, okay.
So we're we're we're we're stepping outside of
the bottom shelf for a little bit here.
Let me me my Gargoyles.
We're we're we're we're we're going into hey,
let's take a look at John and Dallas's
friendship for a second.
Like, 100%.
Like, Dallas and I didn't really know each
other until about 2,001.
Right.
And
prior to 2,001, all Gargoyles was to me
was an afterthought
from my childhood.
A minor blip, a failed toy production.
Failed toy production. I have heard more about
Gargoyle's
history
and cartoons
and comics
since being friends with Dallas that I even
knew existed
from experiencing
it in my own life.
Oh my gosh. So, yes, you and your
gargoyles,
sir, because I certainly did not bring them
to this relationship.
Look, man. It was a great show. We
had 3 seasons.
It had a video game that was hard
as heck to beat.
I didn't even know about the comics until
later.
Oh my gosh. Gargoyles
and,
mighty ducks and the mortal kombat cartoon live
in the same time frame in my head.
It's cool, man. I get it. I mean,
I I dig that. There's things like that
with me too, but it's just like, wow.
But, you know, you go back a few
more years and I'm gonna be pulling out
some one hit wonder cartoons myself or I'm
or I'm about that, like, Jason, the wheeled
warriors.
If you don't know, go look it up.
I'm telling you.
Oh my gosh. Well, back to this. Yes.
Back to the thing we actually watched. Yeah.
So but, yeah, he that dude, he, man,
he commands scenes like nobody's business, and I
kinda felt bad for the other actors at
times because he's
he's so
controlling of a scene in a good way.
And, like, even the main actor, like, he's
trying. Like, you can tell, like, he's he's
put work into it. They're not phoning in
the stuff. No. But no. No. Then that's
just it. Nobody, like, he he made everybody
rise to his standard, not the other way
around. So I think his presence there definitely
would help. You could definitely tell he was
the person there who knew the most about
what they were doing. Right.
But I don't necessarily think that anybody else
was what I would think was
terrible with the exception of one person. Right.
There's a scene in this movie.
I have to talk about it because you
just reminded me. Because I was trying to
remember there was one one scene in particular
I wanted to talk about
where
the people who work for the East India
Trading Company
attack the house of this family of Patriot
sympathizers. Right? Right. And they bring them all
out in the front.
And the guy the lead guy from not
the lead guy, but the guy who's heading
up this band of,
of,
loyalists
to the East India Trading Company
has a mask over his face, and he's
just like, we're and they're about getting ready
to tar and feather this guy in the
street. Right. And then the main character who
also has a mask on comes in and
is like, no. Blah blah blah blah. And
then
action happens. The guy gets his mask ripped
off, and he's refusing to be caught. So
he's just like, I'll not be caught. Give
me the baby.
And he he
he says it in
the most hilarious,
worst acted way ever. Like the guy who
played this guy. And seriously, if you go
back to watch it, if you watch all
his scenes in this movie, it's like they
got everybody who could cut, who could mostly
hold up to a scene with Jonathan Rhys
Davies. Right? Right. And then they got this
guy
who I can only assume was on set
because he was, like, a huge contributor to
the production funds. Like, he was, like, the
head pastor of some church somewhere that was
backing the production. So he's, I think, in
the movie, give me the baby.
It felt like he felt like,
like the ADR was bad. Like, they're like,
oh, we gotta reschedule that. He went to
the studio. And did you did you catch
that part too then when I went and
talked to him? Like, he's so bad. He
was so bad. I won't get caught. Give
me the baby.
Was it
I'm trying to figure out what character he
was because he was a he was a
main character sort of in the back row.
He he was a mid character like he
was. Doctor. Harrow? No. The doctor. The doctor
was the scientist. Yeah.
Man. Doctor. Harrow sounds like it would be
the name of a Final Fantasy character.
Does that mean? Oh,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
It sounds like a character from, Mobile Suit
Gundam. Yeah. Well, Harrow is the little robot
thing. Yeah.
Harrow.
So which
we're not that sure. Never mind. So
here's the problem we're running into right now.
Like, we we're both we're talking about the
movie, and you're, like, this is a good
movie, but we spent a lot of time
talking about everything else.
Well, here here's here's the thing, and and
this is the reason
I I don't think I'm projecting. I don't
think I'm revealing too much to say that
I enjoyed this movie.
And for me, that's kinda what a good
movie is is you're entertained,
you know? You know, it doesn't necessarily have
to be life moving, but you walk away
with a smile on your face and you're
chatting with your friends and poking fun. You
know, it's like that moment when you walk
out of the theater. Not everything's gonna be
Schindler's List, you know? Sometimes you sometimes you
just need a Joe Dirt in your life.
Alright. So I found the actor, and his
name is Steve Blackwood.
So bad.
And,
like, every scene he was in, he was
so bad.
He was in he was in he's been
in several shorts.
He was in a video called Family Game
Night.
That sounds like it's gonna be, like, one
of those DVD
games, you know what I'm talking about? Yeah.
It's basically a glorified DVD menu that has,
like, trivia on it.
He's gonna be he's going he's in something
called P Brain, a former soap opera actor,
contends with his father
and assisted,
living resident with alcoholic
dementia and reflects on his earlier relationship with
him. So, basically, a soap opera actor whose
life becomes a soap opera.
Yeah. Sounds sounds like a meta comedy.
Yeah. So that's that's just a I mean,
his his his acting was soap opera level.
So Yeah. Well, again, I'm looking at the
actors. Like, the various actors and, again, there's
some people that they've done they've done some
good stuff here. But a lot of the
actors,
it's all very much this.
We've done some small things
and,
and and that's just it. Like, I don't
have an issue with small actors because everybody
starts somewhere. You know what I mean? Like,
George we saw George Clooney in attack of
the killer tomatoes part 2. Right. And he's
done great movies.
So I don't have an issue with small
actors. It's just when people
can't act, like, they can't deliver a line
in a believable way. Right. Or a serious
line in a non comedic way. That's all
I'm saying. But it it was it was
just a thought because I remember when I
remember watching it this time, like, oh, no.
So
the,
I don't know his last name. I don't
I don't know how to pronounce this man's
name. But,
the man who played,
Joshua Brand.
Okay. In in the movie, the black guy.
Yeah.
So
he was the voice of Apocalypse
in X men from the, 97.
Oh, hey. Cool.
He was,
the voice of Isaac in Castlevania,
the TV series.
Okay.
He's done this guy's actually done quite a
bit. He was also in The Chosen, apparently.
He did voice work for Call of Duty
Modern Warfare.
So he's done a few things. Alright.
Has some some weight to it.
But then again, it's also a lot of
small stuff too. So
Now I will say this about this movie
as well, and that it's something else that
I noticed because I having seen this movie
before, I really wanted to dissect it because
I wanted to make sure I wasn't just
looking at it through rose colored
glasses. Sure.
Because the other thing I had remembered about
it was the action scenes, which were
more than what you would expect again from
a typical Christian
cinema.
I was watching the action scenes in it.
And to be fair, the action scenes in
this movie weren't that spectacular if you break
them down on what's being seen. Mhmm. What
really made the action scenes pop in this
was the cinematography
that they applied to the action scenes.
Mhmm. Because
the scenes themselves didn't have a whole lot
of choreography
to them.
And
to be fair, I mean, let's face it,
Andrew Rice Davies isn't exactly known as an
action star.
Like, the most action we've seen him do
was Gimli. And even then, all he did
was swing an ax
around. Right.
So and I was watching that. What they
did was they had,
slow they basically slowed down the shutter speed
on the camera
to give
a little bit more disjointed effect to the
action scenes. Right. They did a whole lot
of smash
angle editing
to increase the tempo of the scene in
and of itself. So you didn't have a
whole lot of time to focus necessarily
on the shortcomings
of the choreography.
Yeah. But sometimes that was kind of the
that was the style of of action scenes
back then. Oh, yeah, for sure. Like, cuts
in and out. For sure. Like, if you
watch like the Bourne Ultimatum,
you see it a lot in there, too.
But what I'm saying is in this instance,
taking that taking that technique
work towards towards their benefit instead of being
distracting from the action scene because I was
paying more attention to what the actors were
doing and less flashbang
like normal people would the first time they
see it. Right. And the actors weren't really
doing
that much that any
Joe Blow wouldn't be able to do on
their own. Yeah. Definitely.
Definitely.
Trying to think if there's anything else I
have on my notes here that are worth
worth mentioning.
I did appreciate the fact that the romance
that happened between
the guy and the girl, I mean, I
let's let's face it. Nobody knows their characters
names and nobody really cares.
I I you know, there's times I wanna
call him the Dread Pirate Roberts,
you know.
Did you get princess vibes,
princess bride vibes from us a little bit?
A little bit. A little bit.
Especially on the rooftop scene,
when he goes to visit her. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. That that specifically gave me princess
bride vibes.
Anyway, the what I'm what I'm saying though
is what I appreciated about the the romance
in there is that they didn't try to
force it. Like, they weren't automatically,
oh,
we're so in love and lovers and,
like, they they I don't think they even
kissed at any point in this movie. There's
times where they got close, but I don't
think they actually showed them kissing in this
movie. No. They did not.
But at the same time, like, this is
an interesting top cover, topic about Christian cinema
is the, like, how far do you go
with certain things and
whatnot. And I appreciate that there was romance
to it, but it wasn't to the point
where things got inappropriate.
Like, again, I have zero qualms just seeing
a couple of kiss on screen. I'm not
not in that that camp of things.
But there is a level of people think,
oh, well, you gotta have, you know, this
and that. Like, you really don't. Like, you
can tell good stories.
You know, a classic classic movies, they they
projected
so much,
that whole romance and even sensuality,
And you would see, like, the man scoop
up the woman and walk off screen into
a dark room, and, you know, the kids
are like, what's going on? And the adults
would be like, I know what's happening there.
And it was a way of storytelling. It
was without
showing you everything.
Mhmm. You know? And here here's the thing.
Like, even in this movie where it's not
even implied, like, nothing happens, you know, like,
nothing actually happens on or off screen. Right.
Even to the point where they don't kiss.
Right. I didn't feel like this movie was
lacking anything. Mhmm. Like, because the the whole
romance vibes were still there even without it.
Mhmm. So they were able so that I
don't know. For me, it just shows that
you can convey that emotion without necessarily having
to titillate.
Right. Yeah. I don't know. You got anything
else, Dallas?
No. I think we've mentioned everything. Again, it's
it it was a fun story.
There are a couple of things, like, time
shifting happened. Like like, it's clearly noontime when
William first shows up at,
Franklin's,
establishment, and he goes a street cross street
to the pub. And, like, within 5 minutes,
it's, like, night out outside all of a
sudden. Mhmm. And there are several of those
scenes right there where all of a sudden
it was, like, daytime,
nighttime, daytime, nighttime like that meme.
You know what I'm saying? I'm suddenly having
flashbacks to plan 9 from outer space.
So there were several times where it was
like that, but, like,
overall, man,
it it worked. Everything flowed together. And, like
I said, the action scenes, they weren't, like,
spectacular.
But, you know, the it was more than
what I've seen in other in other stuff
of not just Christian cinema, but budget wise.
Mhmm. Mhmm. And so, yeah, that's those were
my those were my my final thoughts before
we get into the the final rating.
Alright. Well, let's get into the final rating.
And here on the bottom shelf, we have
a 4,
shelf rating system, a 4 level rating system.
We'll put it like that. We have the
top shelf, which basically translates
to I need to own this movie. I
must I must have it. So should I
ever have the urge, it will always be
available to me. And specifically, I have it
in physical media.
So if the producers ever take it down
or turn the
handguns into walkie talkies,
I can have the original and they can't
take it away from me. Middle shelf,
I'd watch if a screen streaming and,
you know, the walkie talkies aren't bad.
Bottom shelf, I don't watch I don't wanna
watch it again. I don't wanna watch it
ever again. I mean, you can watch it
if you want, if walkie talkies are your
thing.
But, for me in my house,
this movie is crap. And then finally,
we have the dumpster fire, which is I'm
gonna try to keep you from watching this
movie, and I want it to never have
exist.
So with that being said, captain Mora, how
do you feel about this movie?
I'm trying to do this objectively.
And,
again, as a Christian, I rem I I'm
trying to remove myself that that aspect from
it because
I think that's that has been the downside
to Christian cinema is people give things a
pass simply because it's presenting
our worldview of things, and that's not always
appropriate either. Art is art. Is it good
art?
It's not great. This is not a a
blockbuster film at all.
It did make me wanna go back and
play Assassin's Creed pretty badly,
but I'm in the middle of playing Medgar's
soul 2 right now.
So
I was My my wife got me the
Assassin's Creed mega bundle for for the Switch.
Yo. I'm excited for you, brother.
I surely did almost pull out Syndicate, though,
the other day, right, for watching this.
I'd probably watch if it was streaming. Like,
if it was on, you know, and we're
just we're chilling. I was like, oh, okay.
Cool. It's on the background. So I'm gonna
go middle shelf. Alright. That's that's acceptable.
This movie,
for me, it it it transcends you know,
we we've said it a few times
in the show. It transcends
typical Christian cinema on
a lot of levels.
And for me, in particular, it's in all
the ways that
hit me in the right way. Right.
I enjoy watching this movie every time I've
watched it.
Is it a perfect film? No.
In fact, there are definite flaws in this
movie,
and if you're looking
specifically, if you're looking to find them with
a critical eye, you're gonna see them. But
if you're just gonna sit back and watch
a movie for entertainment, you could do a
lot worse than this. Yeah.
I own it.
The and as such, the temptation is for
me to put it on the top shelf.
But the fact of the matter is is
I haven't watched this movie for a couple
of years, and,
you know, that that that says something about
it, but I did enjoy watching it again.
And if somebody was saying, hey, you know,
can you point me
in the direction of some decent Christian movies?
This would be one of the movies I
would point them towards to give them a
better taste than say, for instance,
left behind.
So with that being said, I, you know,
I'm gonna put this on a very high
middle shelf. Alright. So I I will I
will agree with you. I I my temptation
was to put it on the top shelf,
but I I think that you did convince
me that, yeah, middle shelf is where this
where this goes. So That's fair. But that
being said, we have consensus. This is a
middle shelf certified film.
Go out and check it out should you
feel so inclined or if anything in this
review has
caught your attention. And with that, we move
on to the weak connections.
This is a weak connection.
Here on the bottom shelf, we
like to celebrate what we watch by trying
to find something
productive,
something
edifying,
something
redemptive from the movies we watch here.
We call it the weak connection
as inspired by an idea from friend of
the show, Ben Ben
Avery.
Salute to you, good sir.
That being said, captain Mora, do you have
a weak connection for us? I do, actually.
For my weak connection, I'm looking at the
main character played by Andrew Chaney, who played
William.
And,
William's whole thing his whole story arc is
that he's trying to redeem his name. He
feels like he's done too much,
to be redeemed, and,
he's trying to prove himself to homegirl even
to the point of, like, not doing the
right thing for the sake of trying to
make himself the right thing, basically. And he's
just trying to work this whole thing out
on his own to redeem himself, and that
becomes a a major downfall and pitfall of
this ordeal.
And,
I wanna kinda this has been a running
theme for us here at Geeked Devotions actually
for the last couple of weeks, on our
main on our main show, Geeked Devotions,
about redemption, where or not people can be
redeemed and people who feel like they can't
be redeemed. And there's a passage I wanna
point out. Romans chapter 3, starting in verse
23, it says this, for all have sinned
and fall short of the glory of God
and are justified
by his grace
as a gift through the redemption
that is in Christ Jesus.
And what this is saying is that every
one of us is messed up. Every person
is is flawed. Every person is away from
God, but salvation, that's God's gift to us.
We can't do anything to earn it. We
can't do anything to to to appease him,
to to get that from him. He's offering
it to us. Now it does require us
to submit our lives to Jesus, to walk
in that identity to be saved, but it's
given to us freely. And there's a lot
of people out there that,
you know, I'm gonna hit 2 camps of
people. You got the people who are all
like,
you,
have done too much, which is what Home
Dude was feeling like. Well, I'm sorry. You
were screwed up too, yet God redeemed you.
And at the same time, on the back
end of that thing,
there's a lot of people, again, they're they're
trying to earn their salvation. They're trying, like,
well, I gotta do the right thing. I
gotta do this. I gotta do this. I
you know? And that's just not how this
works. I know a lot of people who,
have literally said to me, I've done too
much for God to love me, and that's
just not the case.
You submit your lives to him. Boom. It's
done. You're redeemed. Period. End of discussion. And
so that's my my
weak connection for you guys is we've we've
all screwed up. Don't don't hold that over
your head and and make that your identity.
Walk in that any Christ has for you.
Cool.
I have
a single week connection
for both episodes that we're doing
this month because
we didn't we didn't actually plan it this
way because, like I said, we just picked
Christian movies that we liked.
Right. And it turns out that apparently both
Dallas and I,
where our Venn diagrams
overlap is we like Christian movies
about
masked Christian vigilantes.
Are we the ones trying to be superheroes,
not Branson?
I don't know. I'm try the point I'm
trying to make,
is that
there's there's a common thing between the 2
movies, so I'm going to save mine for
the next episode. So stay tuned, everybody, because
now you have a to be continued to
listen for.
Do do do do do do do. All
right. So with that being said, we want
to thank everybody for showing up and showing
out for the show. It's been a great
year,
as we are starting to wind down to
the end of 2025.
Next year, we have big plans,
both on the mic and elsewhere.
We'll talk about it on the next
riveting episode of
the bottom shelf.
Until next time, stay devoted. Peace and