WEBVTT 00:00:19.000 --> 00:00:24.480 Hey, it is good to be back home. 00:00:24.480 --> 00:00:32.440 We spent, well I spent almost two weeks in Costa Rica, last couple of weeks, yeah. 00:00:32.440 --> 00:00:39.160 The first week I was there by myself, when I was myself, I was on a retreat with like 00:00:39.160 --> 00:00:45.200 50 other veterans, working through some PTSD healing together. 00:00:45.200 --> 00:00:50.640 It was beautiful and I've got stories and we'll talk about that later. 00:00:50.640 --> 00:00:57.720 Not today, but the second, so I was there from a flat Sunday, so Sunday the 6th, I flew 00:00:57.720 --> 00:01:03.720 out that morning, missed you guys, her Brittany did a great job though. 00:01:03.720 --> 00:01:09.520 Flew out, got to Costa Rica, I was there Sunday to Saturday was the plan and I was going to 00:01:09.520 --> 00:01:10.520 fly back. 00:01:10.520 --> 00:01:16.000 Friday morning, so I've been on this retreat and I hadn't like, we were like in a facility, 00:01:16.000 --> 00:01:20.000 it couldn't like leave and like explore the country and I was like, I haven't got to see 00:01:20.000 --> 00:01:23.040 Costa Rica, I don't want to leave yet. 00:01:23.040 --> 00:01:25.800 The pineapple here is incredible. 00:01:25.800 --> 00:01:30.460 So Friday morning I texted Mottie and I was like, hey, so I'm booking flights for you 00:01:30.460 --> 00:01:33.480 and the kids and you're going to come meet me tomorrow and she was like, no, I have to 00:01:33.480 --> 00:01:39.480 work, the kids have school and I was like, I don't care, Yolo, right? 00:01:39.480 --> 00:01:40.480 I was like, isn't it expensive? 00:01:40.480 --> 00:01:42.680 I was like, it is that we don't have the money but I'm still doing it. 00:01:42.680 --> 00:01:51.760 So I did, I booked to them flights, Mottie being the champ that she is, packed the kids 00:01:51.760 --> 00:01:54.240 and didn't tell them where they were going. 00:01:54.240 --> 00:02:01.960 They were flying into Liberty Costa Rica, but it looks like Liberia and so they were like 00:02:01.960 --> 00:02:07.520 Liberia when they got to the airport and finally saw it on the thing, but they had to fly to 00:02:07.520 --> 00:02:09.520 Costa Rica. 00:02:09.520 --> 00:02:10.520 I think Dallas first, right? 00:02:10.520 --> 00:02:12.520 So they flew to Dallas and they were trying to guess where they were going. 00:02:12.520 --> 00:02:17.240 Mottie sent me a video and she finally told them and she's like Costa Rica, we're going 00:02:17.240 --> 00:02:24.380 to Wanna Caste, we're going to Costa Rica and Jett was like, so wait, dad's coming home 00:02:24.380 --> 00:02:31.720 and we're flying there and she's like, no, we're going to meet him, he's like, oh, okay. 00:02:31.720 --> 00:02:36.360 But they flew down, they met me down there and we spent five days. 00:02:36.360 --> 00:02:46.920 Part of it in, the rain forest, volcanoes, got to see our spirit animal, the sloth, Pepe, 00:02:46.920 --> 00:02:49.760 the sloth, Jett's favorite. 00:02:49.760 --> 00:02:56.940 I didn't really, I know they moved slow, but I have a video where the sloth is just like, 00:02:56.940 --> 00:02:57.940 that's pretty fast. 00:02:57.940 --> 00:03:02.840 Moved his head, smiled at us and we took some photos. 00:03:02.840 --> 00:03:06.560 We did that and then we went down to the coast for a few days. 00:03:06.560 --> 00:03:14.120 My kids surfed for the first time, all of them and Jaden didn't get to go in my oldest. 00:03:14.120 --> 00:03:17.280 I told him to quit, I was just, quit your job. 00:03:17.280 --> 00:03:20.800 This is where I was at in my, this is where my heart was, just quit. 00:03:20.800 --> 00:03:23.640 Come down to Costa Rica, we'll figure it out. 00:03:23.640 --> 00:03:28.480 He was like, dad, I can't, I'm trying to be responsible and stuff. 00:03:28.480 --> 00:03:34.320 He just moved out, so he was like, I got to pay rent. 00:03:34.320 --> 00:03:38.600 And the good, good dad I am, lack of financial responsibility. 00:03:38.600 --> 00:03:43.360 I was like, you have savings, just quit, he didn't. 00:03:43.360 --> 00:03:49.400 So he missed out, but all the kids went surfing and we were showing Jaden videos and he was 00:03:49.400 --> 00:03:52.520 like, I love the part where like, they were obviously taught like what to do with their 00:03:52.520 --> 00:03:58.840 hands because like, and everyone like, they catch a wave and they're like, just, it was 00:03:58.840 --> 00:03:59.840 awesome. 00:03:59.840 --> 00:04:01.640 Anyway, we had a blast. 00:04:01.640 --> 00:04:05.400 Thanks for allowing us to do that, thanks for the team for taking care of it. 00:04:05.400 --> 00:04:08.280 Eric, thanks so much, man, for telling your story. 00:04:08.280 --> 00:04:13.640 I lied to you until I was going to be here when we first talked about it and that was 00:04:13.640 --> 00:04:14.640 the plan. 00:04:14.640 --> 00:04:18.560 I was supposed to be back Saturday, Eric's like, hey, where do I give you the slides 00:04:18.560 --> 00:04:23.520 to make, he's texting me and I'm in Costa Rica, ignoring my phone. 00:04:23.520 --> 00:04:28.480 Finally, I was like, I'm so sorry, let me make them. 00:04:28.480 --> 00:04:29.480 But thanks, man. 00:04:29.480 --> 00:04:30.480 Thanks for telling your story. 00:04:30.480 --> 00:04:31.480 This is beautiful. 00:04:31.480 --> 00:04:34.600 Actually, I got some text afterwards. 00:04:34.600 --> 00:04:36.600 I was like, hey, that dude should be our youth pastor. 00:04:36.600 --> 00:04:43.120 So we'll have a conversation later, but I've got more stories. 00:04:43.120 --> 00:04:47.400 The biggest one I'll tell is probably next Sunday as we kind of wrap this series up. 00:04:47.400 --> 00:04:53.320 I'll tell you what two weeks away does, and it does this every time for us. 00:04:53.320 --> 00:04:59.240 You come back and you see this place, like see you, this room. 00:04:59.240 --> 00:05:02.520 As Brittany said, every time we go somewhere, we're like, we're moving there. 00:05:02.520 --> 00:05:06.240 We're like, when we went to Portugal a few years ago, we're like, we're going to Portugal. 00:05:06.240 --> 00:05:07.240 We're moving. 00:05:07.240 --> 00:05:08.240 That's it. 00:05:08.240 --> 00:05:10.560 And every time we come back, we're like, yeah, we're moving. 00:05:10.560 --> 00:05:11.560 And then we don't. 00:05:11.560 --> 00:05:12.560 So don't freak out. 00:05:12.560 --> 00:05:13.560 We'll let you know. 00:05:13.560 --> 00:05:17.840 Maybe some people were like, I think they left, like that was it, but I'll tell you. 00:05:17.840 --> 00:05:19.640 I won't just pack up and leave. 00:05:19.640 --> 00:05:26.320 I'll tell you if and when we ever do, but yeah, when you come back two weeks after being 00:05:26.320 --> 00:05:27.840 away and come back, I see this room. 00:05:27.840 --> 00:05:28.840 I see you. 00:05:28.840 --> 00:05:32.120 I can remember somewhere in the jungles of Costa Rica. 00:05:32.120 --> 00:05:36.040 I started thinking about what we've been actually doing here. 00:05:36.040 --> 00:05:40.760 And the last six weeks, the practices that we've been talking about, the idea of like 00:05:40.760 --> 00:05:48.720 noticing things, being present or lament, actually allowing ourselves to process through 00:05:48.720 --> 00:05:54.240 lament and grief and a couple weeks ago, I talked about the table, like sitting across 00:05:54.240 --> 00:05:56.520 from someone and having those conversations. 00:05:56.520 --> 00:06:02.440 And then Brittany talked about rest or Sabbath, how it's a hard practice for all of us. 00:06:02.440 --> 00:06:04.960 But it's built like we're built for it. 00:06:04.960 --> 00:06:08.640 It's made as a healing process for us. 00:06:08.640 --> 00:06:15.600 And it hit me that underneath every single one of these practices, really there's one 00:06:15.600 --> 00:06:21.680 practice that's happening and that practice is coming out of hiding. 00:06:21.680 --> 00:06:28.400 Like think about it, noticing is coming out of hiding from the world that's like right 00:06:28.400 --> 00:06:34.440 in front of you or lament is coming out of hiding from what you actually feel and allowing 00:06:34.440 --> 00:06:40.520 yourself that process, the table sitting across from someone is coming out of hiding from 00:06:40.520 --> 00:06:43.880 each other and then rest. 00:06:43.880 --> 00:06:47.560 Brittany said it two weeks ago, it is coming out of hiding from the lie that you are what 00:06:47.560 --> 00:06:51.360 you produce. 00:06:51.360 --> 00:06:57.720 I heard somebody talk recently about what it actually takes to like fly a spacecraft, 00:06:57.720 --> 00:07:05.660 like the Apollo missions to fly to another planet or to the moon. 00:07:05.660 --> 00:07:10.760 And they said something I haven't really stopped thinking about, this idea that the ship as 00:07:10.760 --> 00:07:14.880 it's flying in space is off course most of the way. 00:07:15.590 --> 00:07:19.150 Somebody told them that the shuttle was like off course, 00:07:19.150 --> 00:07:20.910 something like 80% of the time. 00:07:20.910 --> 00:07:22.870 And I don't know if the numbers accurate, honestly, 00:07:22.870 --> 00:07:25.190 and I don't know that the number matters. 00:07:25.190 --> 00:07:30.030 What I do know, and I think what is the part that matters, 00:07:31.710 --> 00:07:34.430 is how NASA handles this. 00:07:35.470 --> 00:07:40.310 NASA, who actually plans this trip, 00:07:40.310 --> 00:07:43.670 they plan the Apollo missions, they plan it, 00:07:43.670 --> 00:07:46.390 schedule in course corrections. 00:07:46.390 --> 00:07:48.230 They schedule in the fuel that is needed 00:07:48.230 --> 00:07:50.030 to course correct the ship. 00:07:52.230 --> 00:07:54.310 Before the launch, before it leaves, 00:07:54.310 --> 00:07:56.190 before the rocket ever leaves the ground, 00:07:56.190 --> 00:08:01.190 the flight plan already says you're gonna drift off course, 00:08:01.590 --> 00:08:04.870 and here's when we'll correct it and how we'll get you back. 00:08:04.870 --> 00:08:07.910 The pilot of, it was actually this guy I was talking about 00:08:07.910 --> 00:08:11.550 having a conversation with someone who pilots a ship 00:08:11.550 --> 00:08:13.510 for NASA and was asking about, he was like, 00:08:13.510 --> 00:08:16.030 oh yeah, it's constant just like my job 00:08:16.030 --> 00:08:19.110 is just to course correct us constantly. 00:08:20.750 --> 00:08:24.670 Like sit with that, the most precise 00:08:24.670 --> 00:08:27.590 engineering operation in human history 00:08:28.550 --> 00:08:31.350 doesn't expect to stay on course. 00:08:31.350 --> 00:08:33.910 Like drifting off course wasn't failure for them. 00:08:33.910 --> 00:08:38.910 Drifting was assumed and correcting was the plan. 00:08:39.190 --> 00:08:42.270 Nobody on that crew called a correction, 00:08:42.270 --> 00:08:44.630 like a burn of fuel, the correction burn, 00:08:44.630 --> 00:08:46.230 they didn't call it an emergency. 00:08:48.070 --> 00:08:49.990 Nobody called it a moral failure. 00:08:49.990 --> 00:08:53.790 Nobody called the pilot like bad. 00:08:55.110 --> 00:08:57.590 They just called it flying the ship. 00:08:57.590 --> 00:08:58.590 It was the journey. 00:09:00.070 --> 00:09:02.230 And I think most of us were handed a faith 00:09:02.230 --> 00:09:04.730 that got this exactly backwards. 00:09:06.390 --> 00:09:09.590 We were taught that being off course was a crisis. 00:09:10.630 --> 00:09:13.030 The thing to hide, the thing that proved something 00:09:13.030 --> 00:09:14.310 about us was wrong. 00:09:14.310 --> 00:09:17.550 Nobody told us that the drift is just what happens 00:09:17.550 --> 00:09:19.830 when anything is actually moving. 00:09:22.430 --> 00:09:23.990 The people who never drift, I think, 00:09:23.990 --> 00:09:25.710 are the people who never launch. 00:09:28.830 --> 00:09:32.390 This idea that drifting isn't failing. 00:09:32.390 --> 00:09:34.990 That's what moving things do. 00:09:34.990 --> 00:09:37.550 Tells us that correcting is the practice. 00:09:39.150 --> 00:09:43.830 So today is the practice of course correction. 00:09:45.190 --> 00:09:47.590 The practice that says the quiet part out loud, 00:09:47.590 --> 00:09:48.750 literally out loud. 00:09:48.750 --> 00:09:50.710 Today we're gonna talk about confession. 00:09:53.110 --> 00:09:55.950 And I saw some of you. 00:09:57.230 --> 00:09:59.190 So the word half the room shoulders were like, 00:10:01.190 --> 00:10:03.430 which is exactly why I think we need to talk about it. 00:10:04.870 --> 00:10:09.030 Before we do, I think we need to make a confession 00:10:09.030 --> 00:10:10.790 or I need to make a confession on my own. 00:10:12.310 --> 00:10:16.070 Like in this idea, this concept, 00:10:17.070 --> 00:10:18.990 I'm not preaching from the far side of it. 00:10:18.990 --> 00:10:20.270 Like I've got this figured out. 00:10:20.270 --> 00:10:22.510 And I think you guys know that by now about me. 00:10:23.790 --> 00:10:25.590 But can I be honest, like pastoring 00:10:27.030 --> 00:10:30.150 is a fantastic place to hide. 00:10:32.510 --> 00:10:34.430 Nobody expects the guy with the microphone 00:10:34.430 --> 00:10:36.430 to have like one true thing he's sitting on. 00:10:36.430 --> 00:10:38.350 I think some of us are starting to figure that out. 00:10:38.350 --> 00:10:39.670 Like we've got Instagram. 00:10:43.670 --> 00:10:45.790 You all get a version of me every week. 00:10:46.630 --> 00:10:51.550 And I'll say it this way, like a curated version, right? 00:10:51.550 --> 00:10:52.870 Not fake. 00:10:52.870 --> 00:10:54.830 I mean, everything I say up here, 00:10:54.830 --> 00:10:58.870 "I tried my hardest to be real, raw, to be authentic." 00:11:00.710 --> 00:11:01.750 But it's curated. 00:11:05.070 --> 00:11:09.670 I don't want to just trauma dump on you every week, right? 00:11:09.670 --> 00:11:12.430 You would be like, "All right, this is too much." 00:11:13.550 --> 00:11:15.310 So there's a curated version. 00:11:15.310 --> 00:11:16.990 Again, it's not fake, it's real, it's raw, 00:11:16.990 --> 00:11:18.590 but like I'm not just gonna get up here 00:11:18.590 --> 00:11:20.350 and tell you everything every week. 00:11:22.270 --> 00:11:26.430 But I can curate himself right back into hiding 00:11:26.430 --> 00:11:30.550 in the bushes like Adam did and then call it leadership. 00:11:31.910 --> 00:11:33.470 And I don't want to do that. 00:11:33.470 --> 00:11:36.830 So this morning isn't me handing you a practice 00:11:36.830 --> 00:11:38.630 that I've mastered or that I can tell you, 00:11:38.630 --> 00:11:40.070 like this is exactly how you do it 00:11:40.070 --> 00:11:41.430 'cause I've done it well. 00:11:41.430 --> 00:11:43.030 This is me working on the same assignment 00:11:43.030 --> 00:11:45.270 that you're about to get, okay? 00:11:45.270 --> 00:11:47.350 We're in this together, all right? 00:11:47.350 --> 00:11:48.350 So confession. 00:11:50.270 --> 00:11:51.510 So turn to your neighbor and tell them 00:11:51.510 --> 00:11:53.630 the worst thing you did this week. 00:11:54.830 --> 00:11:56.110 I'm just kidding, I'm totally joking. 00:11:56.110 --> 00:11:57.110 I don't do that. 00:11:57.110 --> 00:11:59.470 Some of you are like, all right, okay. 00:11:59.470 --> 00:12:01.470 Those are the people that have done the work. 00:12:03.870 --> 00:12:05.530 Now this word, this word confession, 00:12:05.530 --> 00:12:10.110 like it got ruined for most of us, right? 00:12:11.150 --> 00:12:15.950 I'm gonna name Hal because you can't just pick up a practice. 00:12:15.950 --> 00:12:18.710 You can't pick it back up until you know why you dropped it. 00:12:18.710 --> 00:12:20.830 So we're gonna talk about this. 00:12:20.830 --> 00:12:23.550 If I say this word confession, watch what happens. 00:12:23.550 --> 00:12:25.810 Like some of you grew up Catholic. 00:12:27.630 --> 00:12:29.710 So when you think confession, you think a booth, 00:12:29.710 --> 00:12:32.510 a screen in it, someone on the other side. 00:12:32.510 --> 00:12:34.830 Some of you grew up, like I did where like, 00:12:34.830 --> 00:12:37.070 you think of confession, it's like a kid at a church camp 00:12:37.070 --> 00:12:39.230 getting pressured to stand up and admit the things 00:12:39.230 --> 00:12:41.350 that he's done wrong in front of, 00:12:41.350 --> 00:12:43.670 like the people he's got algebra with on Monday. 00:12:46.350 --> 00:12:48.910 Or it's an altar call that felt less like an invitation 00:12:48.910 --> 00:12:50.350 and more like an extraction. 00:12:51.950 --> 00:12:53.750 For a lot of us, confession was something 00:12:53.750 --> 00:12:56.890 an authority figure pulled out of you. 00:12:58.510 --> 00:13:02.030 And the part that made it dangerous is that same authority 00:13:02.030 --> 00:13:05.550 that heard your confession also held your standing. 00:13:07.150 --> 00:13:10.070 Your membership, you're in or out. 00:13:10.070 --> 00:13:13.070 So confessing, handing someone the evidence. 00:13:14.670 --> 00:13:16.270 So no wonder we stopped, right? 00:13:17.550 --> 00:13:18.630 No wonder it felt weird. 00:13:19.590 --> 00:13:21.550 So I ask you a question and I think it's a question 00:13:21.550 --> 00:13:23.030 that we've been asking all year. 00:13:24.470 --> 00:13:27.270 It's a question I ask in a series not too long ago. 00:13:27.270 --> 00:13:29.990 Like who told you that that's the way this works? 00:13:29.990 --> 00:13:30.890 Who told you that? 00:13:32.030 --> 00:13:34.550 Who told you confession was like a security checkpoint 00:13:34.550 --> 00:13:37.270 that you must do before you can move on to the next step? 00:13:38.910 --> 00:13:40.550 Because it didn't start that way. 00:13:41.790 --> 00:13:43.830 In the early church, confession was something 00:13:43.830 --> 00:13:45.470 the community did together. 00:13:46.590 --> 00:13:49.070 Like out loud, among the people, 00:13:49.910 --> 00:13:52.030 part of how a family stays honest. 00:13:53.070 --> 00:13:56.710 It took centuries, but a church, 00:13:56.710 --> 00:13:59.830 they got more and more interested in managing people. 00:13:59.790 --> 00:14:08.650 And it migrated into a booth, became private, mandatory, transactional. 00:14:08.650 --> 00:14:12.850 Somebody took a healing practice and they turned it into a background check. 00:14:12.850 --> 00:14:15.290 So here's the original. 00:14:15.290 --> 00:14:17.050 It's tucked into James. 00:14:17.050 --> 00:14:20.850 That's probably one of the most practical, get to the point books in the whole New Testament. 00:14:20.850 --> 00:14:28.370 And I want you to hear how James says this, James 5/16 says, "Therefore, confess your sins 00:14:28.370 --> 00:14:32.690 to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed." 00:14:32.690 --> 00:14:42.890 Now, catch the direction of this, therefore, confess your sins to each other. 00:14:42.890 --> 00:14:47.050 That's not up the chain to a man in the booth. 00:14:47.050 --> 00:14:52.170 It's not to whoever decides if you're in or not, it's to each other. 00:14:52.170 --> 00:14:56.730 Which means I confess to you and you confess to me and neither one of us is like holding 00:14:56.730 --> 00:15:02.070 a file on the other one and is ready to throw it at us or to decide if we're good or not. 00:15:02.070 --> 00:15:05.290 There's no leverage anywhere in this verse. 00:15:05.290 --> 00:15:09.250 There's no priest in it, there's no wrath in it. 00:15:09.250 --> 00:15:15.130 And then, so it says, "Confessure sins to each other and pray for each other so that 00:15:15.130 --> 00:15:16.130 what? 00:15:16.130 --> 00:15:17.130 For what? 00:15:17.130 --> 00:15:19.770 So that you may be healed." 00:15:19.770 --> 00:15:25.530 It doesn't say confess that you may be forgiven because your standing was never the open 00:15:25.530 --> 00:15:31.730 question, like God and forgiveness was already a thing, already is. 00:15:31.730 --> 00:15:36.450 You know this by now, but it's been this whole year, like God's not mad at you. 00:15:36.450 --> 00:15:39.250 You are loved no matter what period. 00:15:39.250 --> 00:15:41.930 So what's left? 00:15:41.930 --> 00:15:46.650 Read the end of the verse again, all right, the middle of it I guess, that you may be 00:15:46.650 --> 00:15:49.610 healed. 00:15:49.610 --> 00:15:53.450 And I love how the passion translation opens this verse up. 00:15:53.450 --> 00:15:58.090 If you look at the way it's translated, it says, "Confess and acknowledge how you have 00:15:58.090 --> 00:16:04.050 offended one another and then pray for one another to be instantly healed for tremendous 00:16:04.050 --> 00:16:08.130 power is released through the passionate heartfelt prayer of a godly believer." 00:16:08.130 --> 00:16:15.050 You see how it adds, how you have offended one another? 00:16:15.050 --> 00:16:19.850 Some of the truth we're carrying isn't a private struggle, it's maybe a debt between 00:16:19.850 --> 00:16:20.850 two people. 00:16:20.850 --> 00:16:22.650 It's relational. 00:16:22.650 --> 00:16:23.930 I hurt you. 00:16:23.930 --> 00:16:27.450 I've been pretending I didn't. 00:16:27.450 --> 00:16:28.450 That's confession. 00:16:28.450 --> 00:16:35.490 Maybe the hardest thing and James puts the healing and the power on the far side of naming 00:16:35.490 --> 00:16:36.490 it, right? 00:16:36.490 --> 00:16:39.170 Not managing it, not waiting it out, but naming it. 00:16:39.170 --> 00:16:45.370 Like confession was never how you get back in, like I said, you never left. 00:16:45.370 --> 00:16:50.010 Confession is how you get well. 00:16:50.010 --> 00:16:56.330 Now, if this is good, if it's this good, like it's about getting well, it's about healing, 00:16:56.330 --> 00:17:01.370 then why is it this hard for us? 00:17:01.370 --> 00:17:10.810 Why do people's shoulders raise up defensiveness happens when I say a word like confession? 00:17:10.810 --> 00:17:15.570 Because we are taught it in a harmful way, I think. 00:17:15.570 --> 00:17:19.170 Brene Brown, you guys know I love Brene. 00:17:19.170 --> 00:17:23.290 I spent her whole career on this and she gives us maybe the cleanest tool I know and kind 00:17:23.290 --> 00:17:30.090 of a definition, and I'll paraphrase her here, but that guilt says I did something bad, right? 00:17:30.090 --> 00:17:33.650 If we talk about guilt and shame, there's two different feelings. 00:17:33.650 --> 00:17:34.850 Guilt says I did something bad. 00:17:34.850 --> 00:17:38.050 Shame says I am bad. 00:17:38.050 --> 00:17:44.610 Like guilt is about a behavior while shame is about just the whole self. 00:17:44.610 --> 00:17:51.530 But these two things do completely different things inside of our body, inside of a person. 00:17:51.530 --> 00:17:55.770 Healthy guilt can actually move you somewhere. 00:17:55.770 --> 00:17:59.290 Like you did a thing, the thing hurts somebody. 00:17:59.290 --> 00:18:05.090 You can name it, own it, repair it, do differently the next time. 00:18:05.090 --> 00:18:07.410 Like this is the thing we're trying to teach our kids, right? 00:18:07.410 --> 00:18:08.930 Okay, you messed up. 00:18:08.930 --> 00:18:14.170 That doesn't make you bad, it's just a step that we have to work on. 00:18:14.170 --> 00:18:17.490 It's okay to apologize and say you did something wrong. 00:18:17.490 --> 00:18:19.990 Tell somebody you're sorry. 00:18:19.990 --> 00:18:24.570 And then don't just say you're sorry just to get out of trouble, but use that to fuel 00:18:24.570 --> 00:18:27.570 you to act differently the next time. 00:18:27.570 --> 00:18:28.570 This is what guilt can do. 00:18:28.570 --> 00:18:29.570 It's good for us. 00:18:29.570 --> 00:18:32.330 Guilt has the next step. 00:18:32.330 --> 00:18:38.290 Shame doesn't have the next step because if the problem isn't what you did but who you 00:18:38.290 --> 00:18:41.610 are or what you are, there's nothing to fix. 00:18:41.610 --> 00:18:44.290 There's only something to cover up. 00:18:44.290 --> 00:18:46.890 I can't change that, I have to cover it. 00:18:46.890 --> 00:18:49.730 So shame only ever gives one instruction. 00:18:49.730 --> 00:18:53.970 And we've seen it throughout scripture, we've seen it throughout these series. 00:18:53.970 --> 00:18:57.050 You've watched me kind of trace it through the whole Bible. 00:18:57.050 --> 00:19:00.250 Adam and Eve hear God in the garden and what do they do? 00:19:00.250 --> 00:19:02.050 They hide. 00:19:02.050 --> 00:19:07.650 Nicodemus came to Jesus in the middle of the night because he was hiding. 00:19:07.650 --> 00:19:15.170 A couple weeks ago we talked about she wants to be healed and she reaches for the hymn 00:19:15.170 --> 00:19:22.130 of Jesus' garment from behind him in a crowd where nobody will see her. 00:19:22.130 --> 00:19:27.730 Let me hide and as long as I can touch the hymn of his garment, maybe I'll be healed. 00:19:27.730 --> 00:19:30.930 Shame says to hide every time. 00:19:30.930 --> 00:19:34.730 It's the oldest thing in our mind that tells us what to do. 00:19:34.730 --> 00:19:38.850 It's this instruction that says you're bad, hide it. 00:19:38.850 --> 00:19:43.010 Nobody will love you if you let them know. 00:19:43.010 --> 00:19:48.050 And your body knows it without being taught this. 00:19:48.050 --> 00:19:53.090 Shame is one of those emotions that's got built-in posture, actually as like researchers have 00:19:53.090 --> 00:19:58.130 studied this, they find it everywhere on earth. 00:19:58.130 --> 00:20:05.330 When someone feels shame, the head drops, the shoulders kind of curl in, eyes go to the 00:20:05.330 --> 00:20:06.530 floor. 00:20:06.530 --> 00:20:07.970 You know this posture, right? 00:20:07.970 --> 00:20:10.330 We've all done this. 00:20:10.330 --> 00:20:11.570 It's universal. 00:20:11.570 --> 00:20:16.530 You don't have to raise your hand if you know what I'm talking about. 00:20:16.530 --> 00:20:19.130 I know you do because we all do it. 00:20:19.130 --> 00:20:21.210 The body hides. 00:20:21.210 --> 00:20:25.290 The body creates like Adam and Eve go hide in the bushes. 00:20:25.290 --> 00:20:30.730 The physical aspect of bushes and us hiding is our shoulders, our head, our eye, everything 00:20:30.730 --> 00:20:33.530 closes in. 00:20:33.530 --> 00:20:45.730 Which means confession, un-hiding on purpose, out loud, isn't just a spiritual discipline. 00:20:45.730 --> 00:20:49.410 It's the direct counter move to the oldest reflex that our bodies have. 00:20:49.610 --> 00:20:56.210 I feel like a lot of the practices we've been talking about throughout this series, what 00:20:56.210 --> 00:21:01.330 I've been trying to point out is these aren't just spiritual disciplines. 00:21:01.330 --> 00:21:04.250 They're literally things that are built for us. 00:21:04.250 --> 00:21:06.810 Like our bodies respond to this. 00:21:06.810 --> 00:21:11.450 One of the things while I was in Costa Rica, the week that I was doing the retreat, one 00:21:11.450 --> 00:21:17.530 of the things that I don't do a lot, it's a practice that I want to do more now, is we 00:21:17.530 --> 00:21:18.890 did a lot of breath work. 00:21:18.890 --> 00:21:20.690 Anybody do breath work? 00:21:20.690 --> 00:21:26.090 Okay, good, yeah, nobody. 00:21:26.090 --> 00:21:29.890 It's this, they would like put a song on there like, all right, we're going to do breath 00:21:29.890 --> 00:21:30.890 work. 00:21:30.890 --> 00:21:33.890 And they taught us like different, different breathing techniques. 00:21:33.890 --> 00:21:42.970 It'd be like, all right, breathe in for four seconds, so out for four, right? 00:21:42.970 --> 00:21:48.490 I'm not going to make us all do it right now. 00:21:48.490 --> 00:21:53.730 And we would do it for like five minutes. 00:21:53.730 --> 00:21:59.090 And what they were talking about was like, this is a physical thing that happens in your 00:21:59.090 --> 00:22:06.930 body that helps to activate parts of your nervous system. 00:22:06.930 --> 00:22:09.330 It slows down your nervous system. 00:22:09.330 --> 00:22:11.770 It slows down your default mode network. 00:22:11.770 --> 00:22:13.930 It activates the vagus nerve. 00:22:13.930 --> 00:22:19.570 So all the things that as I've talked about with awe, that it does for our bodies, breath 00:22:19.570 --> 00:22:20.570 work does. 00:22:20.570 --> 00:22:25.770 And it's one of those things where it's like, oh, we're actually built for this. 00:22:25.770 --> 00:22:28.810 Like, this is actually good for us. 00:22:28.810 --> 00:22:34.250 And I think a lot of the practices that we've been talking about while spiritual disciplines 00:22:34.250 --> 00:22:38.370 could be put on them as a word, they're also just good for us. 00:22:38.370 --> 00:22:43.010 Like, when you do something that's good for your body, it's like, oh, the creator made 00:22:43.010 --> 00:22:44.010 me this way. 00:22:44.010 --> 00:22:49.730 Maybe this is what I'm supposed to be doing, Sabbath to rest. 00:22:49.730 --> 00:22:51.290 It's good for us. 00:22:51.290 --> 00:22:54.530 It's not a discipline that says if you don't do this, you don't get to heaven, or if you 00:22:54.530 --> 00:22:56.370 don't do this, you're not a good Christian. 00:22:56.370 --> 00:22:58.370 It's, hey, your body was made for this. 00:22:58.370 --> 00:23:01.010 Maybe we should do it. 00:23:01.010 --> 00:23:02.010 Breathing. 00:23:02.010 --> 00:23:03.010 Who knew? 00:23:03.010 --> 00:23:06.330 It's good for you. 00:23:06.330 --> 00:23:08.850 But the intention of it, like, I wanted to do it. 00:23:08.850 --> 00:23:09.850 I wanted to be like, we're going to do breath work. 00:23:09.850 --> 00:23:15.570 But then I was like, nah, they're going to be like, Chad came back, he's like, woo-woo. 00:23:15.570 --> 00:23:23.450 Which I am, but we'll work into that. 00:23:23.450 --> 00:23:24.450 Where was I? 00:23:24.450 --> 00:23:26.850 I've got way off notes here. 00:23:26.850 --> 00:23:28.650 The idea was, it's an imagine. 00:23:28.650 --> 00:23:31.450 It's a direct counter move to the oldest reflex in us. 00:23:31.450 --> 00:23:32.450 That was the point. 00:23:32.450 --> 00:23:37.650 Like, to confess, to come out of hiding, to speak out loud, is the direct counter move 00:23:37.650 --> 00:23:40.650 to shame, and what shame tells us to do is hide. 00:23:40.650 --> 00:23:43.250 And I remember we've talked about this a lot. 00:23:43.250 --> 00:23:46.010 I've said this word a lot, metanoia. 00:23:46.010 --> 00:23:49.130 It's a word that was given to us as repentance. 00:23:49.130 --> 00:23:52.970 And it was given to us as like this, like, oh, we got to go up, we have, like, confession 00:23:52.970 --> 00:23:54.130 got tied into this. 00:23:54.130 --> 00:24:00.370 What it actually means is a whole new way of seeing a change of mind. 00:24:00.370 --> 00:24:06.970 When Jesus, in John 8, we see Jesus clears a room of accusers away from the woman that 00:24:06.970 --> 00:24:07.970 was caught in adultery. 00:24:07.970 --> 00:24:08.970 Remember, she's there. 00:24:08.970 --> 00:24:14.050 He says, whoever is not sinned, cast the first stone, and they all one by one drop their 00:24:14.050 --> 00:24:15.050 stones. 00:24:15.050 --> 00:24:16.530 And the accusers leave. 00:24:16.530 --> 00:24:21.130 I told you back then, when I taught him this, he didn't clear them out so that she could 00:24:21.130 --> 00:24:23.890 walk away unchanged. 00:24:23.890 --> 00:24:28.650 He cleared them so that she could finally see herself the way that he saw her. 00:24:28.650 --> 00:24:31.890 Like, at the end of it, this is the one that gets thrown back at me all the time. 00:24:31.890 --> 00:24:36.330 Like, well, Jesus told her to go and send no more. 00:24:36.330 --> 00:24:40.570 My argument is always like, yeah, absolutely, because I believe that sin is to think less 00:24:40.570 --> 00:24:44.370 of yourself than God thinks of you and to act from that. 00:24:44.370 --> 00:24:48.690 And Metanoia is to change your mind to actually believe what God says about you and believe 00:24:48.690 --> 00:24:50.730 that you are who God says you are. 00:24:50.730 --> 00:24:53.650 So yes, when God says, do go and send no more. 00:24:53.650 --> 00:24:57.330 He's saying, go and believe you are who I say you are. 00:24:57.330 --> 00:25:00.770 Not who you've been told that you are. 00:25:00.770 --> 00:25:05.130 And I think a beautiful part of the stories, if you catch the order of it, the accusers 00:25:05.130 --> 00:25:08.370 all leave first. 00:25:08.370 --> 00:25:10.810 Accusation leaves the room. 00:25:10.810 --> 00:25:18.130 Then the truth becomes possible because accusation was never part of finding the truth. 00:25:18.130 --> 00:25:22.330 It brings us to this place now. 00:25:22.330 --> 00:25:26.210 When we think about it, if Jesus says, okay, the accusers are gone, no one's here to accuse 00:25:26.210 --> 00:25:27.410 you anymore. 00:25:27.410 --> 00:25:30.650 I want you to believe you are who I say you are. 00:25:30.650 --> 00:25:36.210 I love you, go and believe that. 00:25:36.210 --> 00:25:40.810 Now, there's an accuser that's really hard to get out of the room. 00:25:40.810 --> 00:25:45.370 It's the hardest for all of us, and it's the accuser that's in all of our heads. 00:25:45.370 --> 00:25:46.650 It's the one that sounds like you. 00:25:46.650 --> 00:25:48.450 Do you have this accuser? 00:25:48.450 --> 00:25:49.650 Mine sounds just like me. 00:25:49.650 --> 00:25:50.650 He's a jerk. 00:25:50.650 --> 00:25:58.570 One of the pieces of research that I've read about and really it's been fascinating for 00:25:58.570 --> 00:25:59.570 me this year. 00:25:59.570 --> 00:26:00.570 There's a psychologist. 00:26:00.570 --> 00:26:03.010 Her name's Kristen Neff. 00:26:03.010 --> 00:26:07.610 She spent her career studying self-compassion. 00:26:07.610 --> 00:26:11.210 This is an interesting concept in theory, especially for me. 00:26:11.210 --> 00:26:17.610 This last week I'm in a room full of 50 veterans, all dudes, all military veterans working through 00:26:17.610 --> 00:26:21.170 healing of PTSD and trauma. 00:26:21.170 --> 00:26:28.890 To think about this phrase, self-compassion, this is not a word we talk about. 00:26:28.890 --> 00:26:30.490 It's not an idea that we have. 00:26:30.490 --> 00:26:32.090 That's how you go soft. 00:26:32.090 --> 00:26:35.930 If I'm not hard on myself, I'll never change. 00:26:35.930 --> 00:26:39.890 The inner drill sergeant is the only thing keeping me in line. 00:26:39.890 --> 00:26:44.250 I know a lot of you know what I'm talking about, right? 00:26:44.250 --> 00:26:50.890 I've talked to myself inside my head in ways I would physically confront another man if 00:26:50.890 --> 00:26:53.050 he said those things to my wife. 00:26:53.050 --> 00:26:54.050 You know what I mean? 00:26:54.050 --> 00:26:55.050 What do you know? 00:26:55.050 --> 00:26:57.810 You don't get to say that, or if they said it to my kids. 00:26:57.810 --> 00:26:58.810 They said, "You don't get to tell them. 00:26:58.810 --> 00:26:59.810 What are you talking about?" 00:26:59.810 --> 00:27:02.650 I'm not nice to myself all the time. 00:27:02.650 --> 00:27:03.650 Anybody else? 00:27:03.650 --> 00:27:05.730 We call it discipline, right? 00:27:05.730 --> 00:27:06.730 I'm working. 00:27:06.730 --> 00:27:08.250 I'm just disciplined. 00:27:08.250 --> 00:27:09.730 Here's what the research actually shows. 00:27:09.730 --> 00:27:11.250 Kristen Neff talks about this. 00:27:11.250 --> 00:27:14.530 Self-criticism isn't like a moral engine. 00:27:14.530 --> 00:27:17.210 It's not something that's really making you run. 00:27:17.210 --> 00:27:19.930 It's a threat response. 00:27:19.930 --> 00:27:26.370 When you attack yourself, your body runs the same alarm we've talked about all year. 00:27:26.370 --> 00:27:32.130 It can't tell the difference between an attacker outside of your body and the one that's using 00:27:32.130 --> 00:27:33.130 your own voice. 00:27:33.130 --> 00:27:38.410 No matter what your body responds in the same way, it's an attack. 00:27:38.410 --> 00:27:39.810 What does the body do under an attack? 00:27:40.060 --> 00:27:44.740 It defends, it minimizes, it hides evidence, it lies. 00:27:44.740 --> 00:27:47.200 Even to itself, especially to itself. 00:27:48.700 --> 00:27:53.400 You cannot do an honest inventory during an ambush. 00:27:53.400 --> 00:27:58.000 Right, you can't do it while you're attacking yourself. 00:27:59.380 --> 00:28:02.560 The part that seals it is this, like when researchers 00:28:02.560 --> 00:28:05.260 had people respond to their own failures 00:28:05.260 --> 00:28:08.740 with compassion instead of criticism, 00:28:08.740 --> 00:28:11.740 those people actually took more responsibility. 00:28:12.820 --> 00:28:13.740 Not less. 00:28:13.740 --> 00:28:16.060 They were more willing to face what they did, 00:28:16.060 --> 00:28:20.340 more motivated to repair it, less defensive about all of it. 00:28:20.340 --> 00:28:23.180 The people who were gentlest with themselves 00:28:23.180 --> 00:28:25.260 turned out to be the ones most capable 00:28:25.260 --> 00:28:27.900 of telling the truth to themselves. 00:28:27.900 --> 00:28:32.300 Compassion allowed them to inventory what was happening 00:28:32.300 --> 00:28:34.140 and find ways of change. 00:28:36.340 --> 00:28:40.980 Two weeks ago, I talked about when we were at the table, 00:28:40.980 --> 00:28:43.820 that you can't see a person you're being graded in front of, 00:28:43.820 --> 00:28:46.180 like it's really hard to make that connection. 00:28:47.340 --> 00:28:50.220 You can't tell the truth about yourself 00:28:50.220 --> 00:28:51.880 while you're attacking yourself. 00:28:53.140 --> 00:28:54.860 If the criticism is happening, 00:28:54.860 --> 00:28:57.460 you will never tell the truth, you have to hide, 00:28:57.460 --> 00:28:59.780 and the evidence is in the research. 00:29:01.260 --> 00:29:04.740 So before we move, let me close the loop on this, 00:29:04.740 --> 00:29:07.780 'cause I know someone is asking this question. 00:29:07.780 --> 00:29:08.620 Some of you are thinking this, 00:29:08.620 --> 00:29:12.020 like sure, compassion for people who got dealt a bad hand, 00:29:12.020 --> 00:29:15.300 but like I get it, but like my mess? 00:29:15.300 --> 00:29:16.680 My mess is my own fault. 00:29:18.660 --> 00:29:19.820 Like I don't qualify. 00:29:21.660 --> 00:29:23.180 I messed it up myself like that. 00:29:23.180 --> 00:29:25.100 That's why I'm so hard on myself. 00:29:25.100 --> 00:29:28.300 And Dr. Neff already saw this coming. 00:29:28.300 --> 00:29:29.860 She says it this way. 00:29:29.860 --> 00:29:33.100 Compassion is not only relevant to those 00:29:33.100 --> 00:29:34.980 who are blameless victims, 00:29:34.980 --> 00:29:37.580 but also to those who suffering stems 00:29:37.580 --> 00:29:40.860 from failures, personal weakness, or bad decisions. 00:29:41.900 --> 00:29:43.180 Read that middle part again. 00:29:43.180 --> 00:29:45.860 Failures, personal weakness, bad decisions. 00:29:45.860 --> 00:29:48.980 The compassion is for the guilt. 00:29:49.860 --> 00:29:51.940 Like that's the whole point of it. 00:29:51.940 --> 00:29:55.980 If it only applied to the blameless, 00:29:55.980 --> 00:29:58.940 like none of us would qualify for any of it, right? 00:30:00.340 --> 00:30:02.780 Confession would be impossible for everybody. 00:30:04.100 --> 00:30:07.300 So the kindness isn't the enemy of the honesty 00:30:07.300 --> 00:30:08.740 that we're asking you to do. 00:30:09.580 --> 00:30:12.780 The kindness is what makes the honesty, I think, survivable. 00:30:14.700 --> 00:30:17.740 A good friend of mine, a mentor, Bill Thrall, 00:30:17.740 --> 00:30:22.500 used to say that when I tell you the worst of me, 00:30:23.460 --> 00:30:26.460 real love moves closer, not away. 00:30:27.460 --> 00:30:30.460 And this is what confession is. 00:30:30.460 --> 00:30:32.900 This is what understanding compassion is. 00:30:32.900 --> 00:30:34.220 This is what relationship is. 00:30:34.220 --> 00:30:35.900 This is what we were asked to do 00:30:35.900 --> 00:30:38.860 because it's in the sharing of my struggle. 00:30:38.860 --> 00:30:41.820 And when I experience the love moving closer, 00:30:41.820 --> 00:30:43.000 that I can heal. 00:30:43.900 --> 00:30:45.900 And I think that's the whole point of this, 00:30:45.900 --> 00:30:47.740 is for us to heal and to be whole 00:30:47.740 --> 00:30:49.140 and to operate as whole beings 00:30:49.140 --> 00:30:51.700 so that we can be the best versions of ourself 00:30:51.700 --> 00:30:54.020 for everyone around us and for ourselves. 00:30:57.260 --> 00:30:58.180 And there's a fair question, 00:30:58.180 --> 00:31:00.660 I think that some of you might ask, 00:31:00.660 --> 00:31:03.340 but why do I have to share this out loud? 00:31:04.940 --> 00:31:06.180 Why to a person? 00:31:06.180 --> 00:31:09.380 Didn't we literally like in the week of lament, 00:31:09.380 --> 00:31:11.060 I asked you to just write a prayer 00:31:11.060 --> 00:31:14.140 that nobody's ever gonna hear or read? 00:31:14.140 --> 00:31:16.100 And I did, and that's a good first step. 00:31:17.020 --> 00:31:21.760 But lament was saying like the true thing in private. 00:31:23.460 --> 00:31:27.260 The next step, James knew what he was doing 00:31:27.260 --> 00:31:30.300 when he made this, I think, person to person. 00:31:30.300 --> 00:31:32.780 It is a big next step for us 00:31:32.780 --> 00:31:35.220 because life is so relational. 00:31:37.660 --> 00:31:41.980 Dr. Gary Green, he's a friend of mine, 00:31:41.980 --> 00:31:44.620 he's a professor of pastoral theology, 00:31:44.620 --> 00:31:46.700 literally like this is his field of study. 00:31:46.700 --> 00:31:50.100 It's interesting, I met Dr. Green in Boston 00:31:50.100 --> 00:31:51.740 at the post-event joke of gathering. 00:31:51.740 --> 00:31:52.860 We started talking and found out 00:31:52.860 --> 00:31:54.380 that he's from San Antonio, 00:31:54.380 --> 00:31:59.380 we went to rival high schools, he went to Madison. 00:31:59.380 --> 00:32:03.260 And so it was fun for us to have a conversation about it, 00:32:03.260 --> 00:32:06.940 but Dr. Green and I have connected, he's incredible. 00:32:06.940 --> 00:32:08.860 He's in Minnesota now. 00:32:08.860 --> 00:32:13.860 But he saw a clip from week one of the series on Instagram, 00:32:13.940 --> 00:32:16.260 and he left a comment, and he named the thing 00:32:16.260 --> 00:32:18.300 that I think I've been circling for a month 00:32:18.300 --> 00:32:19.900 without finding a word for it. 00:32:19.900 --> 00:32:22.180 He said, sounds like you're talking 00:32:22.180 --> 00:32:24.660 about the practice of attunement. 00:32:26.220 --> 00:32:27.060 Attunement. 00:32:28.180 --> 00:32:31.380 He likes to contrast attunement with attunement, 00:32:31.380 --> 00:32:33.220 and I love it, it's what happens 00:32:33.220 --> 00:32:35.140 when another human being actually tunes in 00:32:35.140 --> 00:32:36.780 to what's happening inside of you, 00:32:36.780 --> 00:32:40.060 or when you tune in to what's happening inside of you. 00:32:40.060 --> 00:32:42.860 When your inner world gets received 00:32:42.860 --> 00:32:45.420 by a nervous system that isn't yours, 00:32:45.420 --> 00:32:46.740 is that attunement? 00:32:48.580 --> 00:32:52.660 It's what a good mama does when a crying baby, 00:32:52.660 --> 00:32:56.700 when she grabs a crying baby, it's what I think this room did 00:32:56.700 --> 00:32:59.060 when we had the four different storytellers 00:32:59.060 --> 00:33:01.980 telling their story of their life and their journeys. 00:33:02.980 --> 00:33:04.740 It's attuning. 00:33:04.740 --> 00:33:05.580 I went looking for more, 00:33:05.580 --> 00:33:08.860 I found Dr. Green on a podcast a few weeks ago, 00:33:08.860 --> 00:33:12.380 saying something that I haven't been able to improve on. 00:33:12.380 --> 00:33:14.380 Listen to what he does with this word. 00:33:15.460 --> 00:33:19.540 He says, ways in which you can become present to a moment, 00:33:19.540 --> 00:33:23.220 fully attuned, which is what I hear when I think about Jesus. 00:33:23.220 --> 00:33:27.380 It's not attunement, it's deep attunement to what is true. 00:33:27.380 --> 00:33:30.100 What am I feeling right now in this moment? 00:33:30.100 --> 00:33:33.260 What is the most true thing in this moment? 00:33:33.260 --> 00:33:36.160 Like, it's not attunement, it's attunement. 00:33:37.340 --> 00:33:39.860 All these years we were handed a transaction, 00:33:39.860 --> 00:33:42.300 a payment process on our behalf, sign here, 00:33:42.300 --> 00:33:44.700 get salvation, and Gary looks at Jesus 00:33:44.700 --> 00:33:47.660 and sees something else, a man fully present, 00:33:47.660 --> 00:33:50.660 fully tuned to God, to the person in front of him, 00:33:50.660 --> 00:33:52.560 to what is true in that moment. 00:33:53.500 --> 00:33:56.400 That's the Jesus that we've been talking about. 00:33:57.620 --> 00:34:00.540 And then Dr. Green asked a question that, 00:34:00.540 --> 00:34:03.140 and I didn't plan this, but literally it's today's assignment, 00:34:03.140 --> 00:34:06.900 like, what is the most true thing in this moment? 00:34:06.900 --> 00:34:08.700 What are you feeling? 00:34:08.700 --> 00:34:10.780 How do you walk into that? 00:34:10.780 --> 00:34:11.920 That's confession. 00:34:13.380 --> 00:34:15.300 The whole practice, I think, in one question, 00:34:15.300 --> 00:34:18.820 like, what is the most true thing in this moment? 00:34:18.820 --> 00:34:21.940 Like, really true, and how do we share that, 00:34:21.940 --> 00:34:23.620 how do we walk through it? 00:34:23.620 --> 00:34:25.580 I want you to hear what this word means, 00:34:25.580 --> 00:34:27.900 not just think it, so I'm gonna do something 00:34:27.900 --> 00:34:30.060 that he doesn't, he's gonna kill me, 00:34:30.060 --> 00:34:31.420 but Vin, can you help me? 00:34:33.500 --> 00:34:36.380 Is the guitar audio, can you send the guitar audio on? 00:34:36.620 --> 00:34:46.060 All right, I was going to do this, but I don't play guitar, so you just sounded terrible. 00:34:46.060 --> 00:34:49.020 Can you, like, strum just a chord real quick? 00:34:49.020 --> 00:34:50.660 Are we on? 00:34:50.660 --> 00:34:51.660 We good? 00:34:51.660 --> 00:34:52.660 You hear that? 00:34:52.660 --> 00:34:53.660 It's beautiful. 00:34:53.660 --> 00:34:54.660 All right. 00:34:54.660 --> 00:34:56.380 Go, like, there you go. 00:34:56.380 --> 00:34:58.860 Go string by string. 00:34:58.860 --> 00:35:00.780 Beautiful. 00:35:00.780 --> 00:35:05.620 Now, detune one of the strings for me. 00:35:05.620 --> 00:35:12.820 And just go string by string again. 00:35:12.820 --> 00:35:18.940 And you can kind of hear it when you go string by string, right? 00:35:18.940 --> 00:35:23.980 But if you just play, just play the one detune string. 00:35:23.980 --> 00:35:24.980 It's not terrible. 00:35:24.980 --> 00:35:29.060 Now, play the chord. 00:35:29.060 --> 00:35:30.060 Something's wrong. 00:35:30.060 --> 00:35:31.060 Right? 00:35:31.060 --> 00:35:35.100 Your body was like, ah, like, you can hear it. 00:35:35.100 --> 00:35:41.740 And the important question, like, right now, is there something broken with the guitar? 00:35:41.740 --> 00:35:44.780 No, it's not broken. 00:35:44.780 --> 00:35:47.460 The string's just out of tune. 00:35:47.460 --> 00:35:49.180 It's not broken. 00:35:49.180 --> 00:35:50.660 Every string is still doing its job. 00:35:50.660 --> 00:35:54.340 It's still playing a note, right? 00:35:54.340 --> 00:35:57.940 If it's played by itself, I think the strings can kind of just be fine, like even if they're 00:35:57.940 --> 00:35:58.940 out of tune. 00:35:58.940 --> 00:36:01.180 It's still hitting a note. 00:36:01.180 --> 00:36:05.820 But it's not broken. 00:36:05.820 --> 00:36:06.980 It's just been played. 00:36:06.980 --> 00:36:13.220 Like, do you retune your guitar quite a bit or does it not go out? 00:36:13.220 --> 00:36:14.220 Yeah. 00:36:14.220 --> 00:36:15.220 When he gets here. 00:36:15.220 --> 00:36:16.780 When he gets here to play, he retunes it. 00:36:16.780 --> 00:36:17.780 Why? 00:36:17.780 --> 00:36:18.780 Because it's been played. 00:36:18.780 --> 00:36:19.780 It's just been sitting here. 00:36:19.780 --> 00:36:22.020 Like, it's not broken. 00:36:22.020 --> 00:36:25.900 He doesn't get rid of it every week because it's out of tune. 00:36:25.900 --> 00:36:27.180 That gets expensive. 00:36:27.180 --> 00:36:33.820 Now, like, whether time, life, a guitar doesn't go out of tune because it's a bad guitar. 00:36:33.820 --> 00:36:38.420 It just goes out of tune because somebody's been living on it, right? 00:36:38.420 --> 00:36:41.180 But you put the strings together. 00:36:41.180 --> 00:36:45.380 You ask them to be in relationship in a chord and your ears new in a half second. 00:36:45.380 --> 00:36:46.660 Like, something's wrong. 00:36:46.660 --> 00:36:51.980 A string can fake it alone, but a chord, when you play it together, you can tell it's off. 00:36:51.980 --> 00:36:56.660 Now, you already retuned it. 00:36:56.660 --> 00:36:58.860 Play the strings again. 00:36:58.860 --> 00:36:59.860 Yeah. 00:36:59.860 --> 00:37:05.340 All right, it's back and I'll play the chord. 00:37:05.340 --> 00:37:07.460 You can breathe again, right? 00:37:07.460 --> 00:37:09.340 It feels better. 00:37:09.340 --> 00:37:15.140 Now, catch everything that just happened because it's like this whole story, this whole morning. 00:37:15.140 --> 00:37:18.140 I think we're good. 00:37:18.140 --> 00:37:19.700 I think so. 00:37:19.700 --> 00:37:22.340 The string went out of tune. 00:37:22.340 --> 00:37:25.020 Well, he turned it out of tune, right? 00:37:25.020 --> 00:37:27.620 And the string didn't get punished, right? 00:37:27.620 --> 00:37:31.060 We didn't beat it back into submission. 00:37:31.060 --> 00:37:35.300 Nobody made a payment on its behalf. 00:37:35.300 --> 00:37:38.460 It got listened to. 00:37:38.460 --> 00:37:39.460 Something sounded off. 00:37:39.460 --> 00:37:41.380 We heard it. 00:37:41.380 --> 00:37:45.100 And you can really hear it when it's next to a note that didn't move, right? 00:37:45.100 --> 00:37:48.140 When you play the chord and you can tell, hey, one of these is off. 00:37:48.140 --> 00:37:51.380 Something else stayed in line and one of them drifted. 00:37:51.380 --> 00:37:55.500 You can really tell when it's played next to one that didn't move and then we bring it 00:37:55.500 --> 00:37:57.780 back. 00:37:57.780 --> 00:38:03.700 The reference note, the one that you'll play, like if you were, he's just good. 00:38:03.700 --> 00:38:08.220 But if you were tuning it, if you ever heard somebody tune a guitar, we're like ding, ding, 00:38:08.220 --> 00:38:11.220 ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, right? 00:38:11.220 --> 00:38:12.220 Like ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. 00:38:12.220 --> 00:38:13.220 They're just playing. 00:38:13.220 --> 00:38:14.940 He probably was like, I've twisted it a half turn. 00:38:14.940 --> 00:38:16.340 I'm gonna have to turn it back. 00:38:16.340 --> 00:38:17.340 Like, he knew. 00:38:17.340 --> 00:38:26.220 So, the reference note, the one you play to check to see if you're in, it doesn't drift. 00:38:26.220 --> 00:38:28.220 We drift. 00:38:28.220 --> 00:38:30.260 God doesn't. 00:38:30.260 --> 00:38:39.780 And tuning isn't finding your way back to the note just through guilt and shame and 00:38:39.780 --> 00:38:41.980 punishment. 00:38:41.980 --> 00:38:47.420 It's coming back to a note that was always sounding and always on. 00:38:47.420 --> 00:38:51.740 That's why I love where Dr. Green says attunement, not attunement. 00:38:51.740 --> 00:38:54.300 We're getting back in tune. 00:38:54.300 --> 00:38:56.500 And tuning isn't a one-time miracle. 00:38:56.500 --> 00:39:00.820 Like he said, every week he comes in, he adjusts just to make sure. 00:39:00.820 --> 00:39:04.860 Anybody that the guitar knows, like, you do it every time you pick the thing up, it's 00:39:04.860 --> 00:39:05.860 just a practice. 00:39:05.860 --> 00:39:08.980 It might be the practice, right? 00:39:08.980 --> 00:39:10.740 Make sure it's there. 00:39:10.740 --> 00:39:11.740 And attunement. 00:39:11.740 --> 00:39:12.740 It's not broken. 00:39:12.740 --> 00:39:15.140 It's just been played. 00:39:15.140 --> 00:39:17.340 It's on the journey. 00:39:17.340 --> 00:39:18.340 It doesn't need payment. 00:39:18.340 --> 00:39:25.500 It just needs a good tuning. 00:39:25.500 --> 00:39:28.020 Here's the thing about attunement. 00:39:28.020 --> 00:39:32.060 It can't happen in a hidden person. 00:39:32.060 --> 00:39:35.300 This is why confession matters. 00:39:35.300 --> 00:39:42.620 It can attune to the version of you that you're not showing, which means every secret you're 00:39:42.620 --> 00:39:47.660 managing is a place where you cannot be loved. 00:39:47.660 --> 00:39:52.300 Not because people won't, but because they can't. 00:39:52.300 --> 00:39:54.220 They can't reach it. 00:39:54.220 --> 00:39:58.660 I can only love you to the level that you trust me, no matter how much love I have for 00:39:58.660 --> 00:40:03.580 you. 00:40:03.580 --> 00:40:10.780 The hide makes it to where I can't reach that space of healing. 00:40:10.780 --> 00:40:16.140 The armor, the protection, the hiding doesn't keep out like arrows and protects you, friends. 00:40:16.140 --> 00:40:23.940 It keeps out the medicine, the healing, and it's body level. 00:40:23.940 --> 00:40:28.860 I've talked about Dr. Steven Porgesault, like before, he has a theory, it's called the 00:40:28.860 --> 00:40:34.820 polyvagal theory that our nervous systems don't calm down alone. 00:40:34.820 --> 00:40:39.100 They calm down together, that we are attuned to each other. 00:40:39.100 --> 00:40:40.100 You've seen this. 00:40:40.100 --> 00:40:45.260 If you're in a room where there's anxiety, like you can feel it, but if someone in that 00:40:45.260 --> 00:40:53.100 room is calm and you're next to them, the polyvagal theory is their nervous system and 00:40:53.100 --> 00:40:57.140 the calmness of their nervous system allows your nervous system to feel it and begin to 00:40:57.140 --> 00:41:00.580 calm too. 00:41:00.580 --> 00:41:07.700 A settled body settles the body next to it. 00:41:07.700 --> 00:41:12.460 That's why I think the true thing written in your journal, it helps. 00:41:12.460 --> 00:41:17.380 It helps you to address those things, but the same true thing can be received by a safe 00:41:17.380 --> 00:41:21.220 human and it helps the healing happen differently. 00:41:21.400 --> 00:41:29.320 Because a journal can hold your words and your mind can address that, but it can't hand 00:41:29.320 --> 00:41:36.840 you back a steady face, a smile, a love, experience that you realize that, "Oh, I can 00:41:36.840 --> 00:41:49.080 still be loved, even in the sharing of something that I think is terrible." 00:41:49.080 --> 00:41:55.400 So here's the practice this week, it's the last one of the series because the next 00:41:55.400 --> 00:42:01.160 week we're going to talk about, kind of wrap this whole thing up, but it's, as I've asked 00:42:01.160 --> 00:42:07.480 you to do practices throughout this Unforced Rhythm series, I've always been small, right? 00:42:07.480 --> 00:42:11.120 Try to, "Hey, this is not a Czech boy, this isn't a scoreboard, we're not trying to make 00:42:11.120 --> 00:42:16.560 sure you're doing things right in order to be a good Christian, these are small steps." 00:42:16.560 --> 00:42:21.740 And this week I think it matters just the same, stay with me. 00:42:21.740 --> 00:42:30.780 This week the practice is tell one person one true thing, like something that, I don't 00:42:30.780 --> 00:42:35.000 do a whole inventory, don't trauma dump on somebody, like unless it's your therapist 00:42:35.000 --> 00:42:38.600 you can have that conversation, but nobody, I don't want anybody like doing archeology 00:42:38.600 --> 00:42:45.460 this week going back into your history and your family, like not your deepest secret, 00:42:45.460 --> 00:42:48.100 like we'll do that later. 00:42:48.100 --> 00:42:51.960 You don't know anyone your deepest secrets right now. 00:42:51.960 --> 00:42:55.600 Week one of this practice is that's not where this goes, right? 00:42:55.600 --> 00:43:01.160 One true thing, you'd normally manage on your own, like, I've been struggling lately 00:43:01.160 --> 00:43:10.720 and pretending like I'm not, or that thing I said I was fine about, I'm really not. 00:43:10.720 --> 00:43:19.240 Or maybe it's everybody thinks I'm confident about this, but really I'm scared. 00:43:19.240 --> 00:43:26.000 It's a small door, it's a small truth, it's on purpose though. 00:43:26.000 --> 00:43:29.880 And you should know the rule by now in this series, like if you can't do it, there's 00:43:29.880 --> 00:43:37.120 no failure, like it's not failing, it's just try to get next time. 00:43:37.120 --> 00:43:41.640 And I want you to pick the person on purpose, because this is a moment of sharing with each 00:43:41.640 --> 00:43:45.760 other. 00:43:45.760 --> 00:43:48.600 Somebody's safe. 00:43:48.600 --> 00:43:51.440 Safe doesn't mean like whoever asked the most, like, "Hey, how are you doing?" 00:43:51.440 --> 00:43:55.440 Like, it doesn't have to be that person. 00:43:55.440 --> 00:43:59.440 Some of the people allowed us about wanting your honesty have earned it the least, so 00:43:59.440 --> 00:44:01.840 they don't get that. 00:44:01.840 --> 00:44:05.960 Safe means they've already shown you how they handle tender things. 00:44:05.960 --> 00:44:08.040 You know this person's safe. 00:44:08.040 --> 00:44:17.320 And listen, if you run through your list of people and you come up empty, if the honest 00:44:17.320 --> 00:44:22.360 sentence in your chest right now is, "I don't have a safe person," then that's your one 00:44:22.360 --> 00:44:25.680 true thing. 00:44:25.680 --> 00:44:26.680 Bring it to me. 00:44:26.680 --> 00:44:30.920 I'm not saying to your other things, "Tell me, hey, I don't have a safe person." 00:44:30.920 --> 00:44:38.540 Or, "Mani," or, "Britany," or someone on a leadership, like, "Say those five words 00:44:38.540 --> 00:44:39.540 to somebody. 00:44:39.540 --> 00:44:40.540 That counts. 00:44:40.540 --> 00:44:46.440 I don't have a safe person to talk to." 00:44:46.440 --> 00:44:49.720 That might be the bravest version, I think, of this assignment in the whole room. 00:44:49.720 --> 00:44:53.960 Like, I'm not asking you to share your struggle with me, but if you come to me and say, "I 00:44:53.960 --> 00:44:58.080 just don't have a safe person," that's the sharing, that's the truth. 00:44:58.080 --> 00:45:06.480 So, same rules as every week, nobody's reporting back next week, there's not a test. 00:45:06.480 --> 00:45:08.560 If you don't do it, nothing happens, there's no board. 00:45:08.560 --> 00:45:13.240 If it comes out clumsy and clumsy counts, you'd be like, "Britany's always like, 'I don't 00:45:13.240 --> 00:45:15.960 know what to do with my hands.'" 00:45:15.960 --> 00:45:17.440 Sorry. 00:45:17.440 --> 00:45:22.360 Sorry, that was her confession. 00:45:22.360 --> 00:45:27.920 There's a second half to this, and it might matter, I think, maybe even more. 00:45:27.920 --> 00:45:32.420 Some of you aren't going to be the teller of the truth this week. 00:45:32.420 --> 00:45:35.760 You're going to be the chosen one, the safe person. 00:45:35.760 --> 00:45:40.120 Somebody's going to hand you their own true thing, and now you know exactly what it costs 00:45:40.120 --> 00:45:41.960 them to say it. 00:45:41.960 --> 00:45:45.480 So, here's the whole job. 00:45:45.480 --> 00:45:48.080 Don't fix it. 00:45:48.080 --> 00:45:49.200 Don't try to fix it. 00:45:49.200 --> 00:45:50.700 Don't flinch. 00:45:50.700 --> 00:45:54.400 Don't quote a verse at it. 00:45:54.400 --> 00:45:57.940 Just receive it, steady face. 00:45:57.940 --> 00:46:04.520 Just be that person and say, "Thank you for telling me that." 00:46:04.520 --> 00:46:06.760 That's it. 00:46:06.760 --> 00:46:10.920 James said, "Confess to each other," which means half of this practice is becoming the 00:46:10.920 --> 00:46:18.800 kind of person the truth can be told to. 00:46:18.800 --> 00:46:24.120 One true thing, one safe person, that's the whole practice this week, because I think 00:46:24.120 --> 00:46:27.640 that's what confession is, it's relational. 00:46:27.640 --> 00:46:31.440 It's not trying to get back and right, standing with God, "You're already there, God already 00:46:31.440 --> 00:46:34.680 loves you no matter what." 00:46:34.680 --> 00:46:41.040 It's a movement towards healing of the whole person for you. 00:46:41.040 --> 00:46:44.840 This whole year has been going in one direction. 00:46:44.840 --> 00:46:52.360 Back in June, I sit up here and I told you, "You can come out now, like it's safe." 00:46:52.360 --> 00:46:58.920 Maybe some of you heard that in the moment and you're like, "All right, I can do that." 00:46:58.920 --> 00:47:03.440 Some of you have been waiting, and I think we've been asking you into a practice. 00:47:03.440 --> 00:47:11.080 It happens one true thing at a time, to one safe person at a time, and it's happening 00:47:11.080 --> 00:47:13.400 for the rest of our beautiful lives. 00:47:13.400 --> 00:47:14.560 It's the journey. 00:47:14.560 --> 00:47:19.080 It's the flying of the ship course correcting. 00:47:19.080 --> 00:47:22.240 It's how hiding actually ends. 00:47:22.240 --> 00:47:27.760 Not all at once, but sentence by sentence by sentence, person by person by person, but 00:47:27.760 --> 00:47:31.160 go practice confession. 00:47:31.160 --> 00:47:37.560 Find that safe person, share your one truth, and experience that healing, and then a couple 00:47:37.560 --> 00:47:42.560 weeks we'll start doing breath work and we'll get real woo-woo. 00:47:42.560 --> 00:47:50.160 Remember, if you are the chosen person, to be a person that listens, I think that's 00:47:50.160 --> 00:47:55.160 the moment where we get to be a conduit of love, which is what we're asked to be. 00:47:55.160 --> 00:48:00.080 It's in those moments so we get to love well, so ours don't go do that. 00:48:00.080 --> 00:48:01.080 Go love each other well. 00:48:01.080 --> 00:48:02.080 It's who you're made to be. 00:48:02.080 --> 00:48:03.080 I love you guys. 00:48:03.080 --> 00:48:04.080 Glad to be back. 00:48:04.080 --> 00:48:05.080 We'll see you next week.