WEBVTT 00:00:19.000 --> 00:00:19.500 But we're a community. 00:00:19.500 --> 00:00:22.500 We're a group of people coming together. 00:00:22.500 --> 00:00:26.500 This is a gathering of human beings. 00:00:26.500 --> 00:00:31.500 And what we're doing right now, we've started this series of stories. 00:00:31.500 --> 00:00:39.500 And the reason we're doing this is because they're people that come to this church frequently, 00:00:39.500 --> 00:00:44.500 that you see, and you know who they are. 00:00:44.500 --> 00:00:53.500 Like, that's the lady with two kids that sits on the right side of the church. 00:00:53.500 --> 00:00:57.500 Or, you know, that's the guy that sits in the back row, 00:00:57.500 --> 00:00:59.500 and every Sunday it leaves a little early. 00:00:59.500 --> 00:01:07.500 We know, or, like, that's the, that's the woman who has, like, crazy good fashion. 00:01:07.500 --> 00:01:08.500 Right? 00:01:08.500 --> 00:01:10.500 Like, we know people buy back. 00:01:10.500 --> 00:01:14.500 We may not know their name, we may not know what they do or who they are. 00:01:14.500 --> 00:01:16.500 And it's easy. 00:01:16.500 --> 00:01:18.500 Are you guys trying to figure out who the woman is? 00:01:18.500 --> 00:01:21.500 (all laughing) 00:01:21.500 --> 00:01:23.500 You're about to read her. 00:01:23.500 --> 00:01:30.500 So, we've done this thing where we want you to get to know each other. 00:01:30.500 --> 00:01:38.500 And sometimes, knowing the arsenal can feel like, well, what is chat? 00:01:38.500 --> 00:01:39.500 What is chat? 00:01:39.500 --> 00:01:40.500 What is chat will be? 00:01:40.500 --> 00:01:42.500 And I hate that. 00:01:42.500 --> 00:01:44.500 I don't want this to be me. 00:01:44.500 --> 00:01:46.500 This is a community of people. 00:01:46.500 --> 00:01:53.500 So, in this stories series, we're bringing people up and ask people to share their story. 00:01:53.500 --> 00:01:55.500 Tell you where they are. 00:01:55.500 --> 00:01:56.500 Where they come from. 00:01:56.500 --> 00:01:58.500 Maybe their faith journey a little bit. 00:01:58.500 --> 00:01:59.500 Why they saved arsenal? 00:01:59.500 --> 00:02:01.500 What the community has meant? 00:02:01.500 --> 00:02:02.500 All of these things. 00:02:02.500 --> 00:02:04.500 And so, they get to talk about that. 00:02:04.500 --> 00:02:07.500 Or, the other prompt I gave was, like, if you don't want to talk about your story, 00:02:07.500 --> 00:02:10.500 you can just talk about, like, a characteristic of God 00:02:10.500 --> 00:02:13.500 that has maybe changed for you over the years, 00:02:13.500 --> 00:02:17.500 the way that you look at God and what you experience at. 00:02:17.500 --> 00:02:21.500 So far, everyone has picked to tell their story, so I don't get involved. 00:02:21.500 --> 00:02:26.500 So, you get to hear from people in this community to learn who they are. 00:02:26.500 --> 00:02:31.500 And I said last week, nobody in this room isn't it. 00:02:31.500 --> 00:02:38.500 And what I mean by that is, about a hundred years ago, there was a Jewish philosopher, 00:02:38.500 --> 00:02:40.500 his name is Martin Boomer. 00:02:40.500 --> 00:02:44.500 And he wrote a little book, and I know that I got told last week 00:02:44.500 --> 00:02:46.500 that people were, like, laughing about that. 00:02:46.500 --> 00:02:47.500 That's his name. 00:02:47.500 --> 00:02:50.500 There's just my 12 girls, and my 11-year-old cake was left. 00:02:50.500 --> 00:02:58.500 A hundred years ago, this guy Martin Boomer was born. 00:02:58.500 --> 00:03:02.500 He talked about a theory. 00:03:02.500 --> 00:03:04.500 He wrote this little book. 00:03:04.500 --> 00:03:09.500 And he was just translated "I" and "Now". 00:03:09.500 --> 00:03:14.500 And Boomer said that there's really only two ways to meet anything in life. 00:03:14.500 --> 00:03:20.500 A person, a tree, God, this table, anything. 00:03:20.500 --> 00:03:25.500 You meet that thing in two different ways. 00:03:25.500 --> 00:03:27.500 You can meet it as an "it". 00:03:27.500 --> 00:03:31.500 Something you use, something you categorize, something you file, 00:03:31.500 --> 00:03:37.500 your mental filing cabinet, or you can meet it as a "that", a presence. 00:03:37.500 --> 00:03:43.500 Someone you actually encounter and understand, you get to see them. 00:03:43.500 --> 00:03:46.500 So others will be there, and you're fully there. 00:03:46.500 --> 00:03:50.500 And for a second, nothing is being used for anything. 00:03:50.500 --> 00:03:51.500 It's a relationship. 00:03:51.500 --> 00:03:53.500 It's a "that", moment. 00:03:53.500 --> 00:03:56.500 A member's definition of "that", just like this. 00:03:56.500 --> 00:03:59.500 The "I" in "that" moment is what he calls it. 00:03:59.500 --> 00:04:00.500 Two ways of meeting. 00:04:00.500 --> 00:04:01.500 "I" is. 00:04:01.500 --> 00:04:06.500 You're the person that's an object by the useful, or "I" in "that" moment. 00:04:06.500 --> 00:04:09.500 A person that's present is actually encountering them. 00:04:09.500 --> 00:04:12.500 And most of us live in the "I" get loaded all the time. 00:04:12.500 --> 00:04:13.500 It's normal. 00:04:13.500 --> 00:04:16.500 It's the barista that serves you coffee every day. 00:04:16.500 --> 00:04:22.500 It's the dry other drivers on the road that you are super blind to all the time. 00:04:22.500 --> 00:04:24.500 It's a guy who runs sound. 00:04:24.500 --> 00:04:26.500 It's not evil. 00:04:26.500 --> 00:04:29.500 It's just our autopilot, how our minds work. 00:04:29.500 --> 00:04:35.500 But Boomer believed, and I'll paraphrase you, that every time you truly meet another person as a "that", 00:04:35.500 --> 00:04:41.500 you rush up against the eternal. 00:04:41.500 --> 00:04:49.500 And that face across from you is one of the places God most reliably shows up. 00:04:49.500 --> 00:04:55.500 And I think a lot of times we have potentially turned this Christian life 00:04:55.500 --> 00:05:00.500 and the faith in the process into an "I" thing. 00:05:00.500 --> 00:05:07.500 Guys, in our minds of how we operate, the Christian faith is an "it". 00:05:07.500 --> 00:05:10.500 It is a... we heard it this morning. 00:05:10.500 --> 00:05:17.500 It is... you say a prayer, transaction done, you go to heaven. 00:05:17.500 --> 00:05:20.500 And it misses the "that". 00:05:20.500 --> 00:05:22.500 It misses the relationship. 00:05:22.500 --> 00:05:28.500 It misses the eternal "that" because you don't get to experience and encounter the presence of a person 00:05:28.500 --> 00:05:32.500 who is the image of God, who is embodying the Spirit of God, 00:05:32.500 --> 00:05:38.500 and who is the most unique expression of God that they can be, because no one else can be that expression. 00:05:38.500 --> 00:05:46.500 And so, when we think about this idea that there are eight billion expressions of who God is in this world, 00:05:46.500 --> 00:05:54.500 then every single day we get the moment to have a "I" the "I" moment to rush up against the eternal "that" moment. 00:05:54.500 --> 00:06:04.500 And I believe that as we've talked through this last year on the experience of all, 00:06:04.500 --> 00:06:09.500 it's not a coincidence that Dr. Kellen, the psychologist who studied this emotion of all, 00:06:09.500 --> 00:06:14.500 that he came to define it that, out of eight things that he says that we find all in, 00:06:14.500 --> 00:06:23.500 one of those main things is moral kindness, seeing another human being be kind to another human being. 00:06:23.500 --> 00:06:25.500 You've seen it, you know. 00:06:25.500 --> 00:06:30.500 I cry on Instagram every day about people that I don't know. 00:06:30.500 --> 00:06:34.500 I'm like, "I'm crying. This is so sweet. Look at this kid." 00:06:34.500 --> 00:06:40.500 There was a kid last night, the body and I were supposed to go to bed early, or Zoom scrolling. 00:06:40.500 --> 00:06:42.500 And now I was. 00:06:42.500 --> 00:06:44.500 She was just watching my feet. 00:06:46.500 --> 00:06:53.500 And I came across this kid who was making bird sex. You see this guy? 00:06:53.500 --> 00:06:54.500 Yeah. 00:06:54.500 --> 00:07:00.500 What the heck? Like, he's like, "This is a grey horned owl, and then he does it." 00:07:00.500 --> 00:07:03.500 You're like, "Is that, is this AI? Like..." 00:07:03.500 --> 00:07:04.500 Right. 00:07:05.500 --> 00:07:08.500 But it was just so... I don't know how to get tear. I'm like, "Well, I'm like tears." 00:07:08.500 --> 00:07:10.500 And it hurts. 00:07:12.500 --> 00:07:17.500 But it's just, I don't know, just, humans are grey. 00:07:17.500 --> 00:07:21.500 You get to experience a moment when you cut yourself off from the bow, 00:07:21.500 --> 00:07:26.500 then you cut yourself off from a version of that piece of eternal bow. 00:07:26.500 --> 00:07:35.500 So, we're going to meet, and I invite you into a moment of the iPad. 00:07:35.500 --> 00:07:41.500 For you to meet the eternal bow through another expression. 00:07:42.500 --> 00:07:47.500 And so, we did that last week, marked an incredible job. 00:07:47.500 --> 00:07:59.500 And this week, I mentioned, she might be someone that you've seen here that you're like, 00:07:59.500 --> 00:08:01.500 "That one's got some fashion." 00:08:01.500 --> 00:08:03.500 She dresses. 00:08:03.500 --> 00:08:06.500 She finished. She saw that she's fitted. 00:08:06.500 --> 00:08:11.500 Like, she was in a, in just this dope outfit, and I feel like I've used fashion. 00:08:11.500 --> 00:08:13.500 I've come down with a language. 00:08:15.500 --> 00:08:19.500 I even knew that she was going to talk today, so I won my bag of pants. 00:08:23.500 --> 00:08:30.500 But it's been incredible getting to know her, and I think you get the opportunity now to hear her screams. 00:08:30.500 --> 00:08:34.500 It would be an incredible moment of that, that I, that moment. 00:08:34.500 --> 00:08:39.500 So, I want to invite a link to this, up to stage. 00:08:42.500 --> 00:08:47.500 [Applause] 00:08:47.500 --> 00:08:49.500 Alexis, can you hear her? 00:08:49.500 --> 00:08:51.500 Alexis, can you hear her? 00:08:51.500 --> 00:08:54.500 That's what we call Alex. Alex, can you hear me? 00:08:54.500 --> 00:08:58.500 Alex and Alexis, will be good here? That's messed up. 00:08:58.500 --> 00:09:01.500 Because I don't have any same stuff for us at all. 00:09:01.500 --> 00:09:03.500 Thanks for doing this. 00:09:03.500 --> 00:09:04.500 Appreciate it. 00:09:04.500 --> 00:09:06.500 Yes, we'll meet Alexis. 00:09:06.500 --> 00:09:07.500 Yeah, let's up. 00:09:07.500 --> 00:09:10.500 [Applause] 00:09:10.500 --> 00:09:13.500 Do you have any other questions? 00:09:13.500 --> 00:09:14.500 Yeah. 00:09:14.500 --> 00:09:19.500 I shall take a moment. This is really surreal for me. 00:09:19.500 --> 00:09:28.500 I've always been, I guess, like, I've been in school when I've done presentations, and I always see the group presentations, right? 00:09:28.500 --> 00:09:38.500 And I was always like, can I just go first, and I got to talk about over with, and luckily the group would always, you know, accommodate me. 00:09:38.500 --> 00:09:39.500 Let me speak first. 00:09:39.500 --> 00:09:46.500 So, today is kind of hard because I don't have a co-host, we're not doing a piano, and I can't kind of bounce off of someone else's idea. 00:09:46.500 --> 00:09:49.500 It's surely all of my own. 00:09:49.500 --> 00:09:56.500 And at the same time, it makes it so special that this thing tonight also makes it really difficult and uncomfortable for me. 00:09:56.500 --> 00:10:04.500 So, if you see me kind of, thank you for that, if you see me, just kind of pause with me. 00:10:04.500 --> 00:10:11.500 You know, I think a lot of times in our work, we are so caught up in the non-pauling and the non-pauling and the non-pauling and the non-pauling and the non-pauling and the non-pauling and the non-pauling and the non-pauling. 00:10:11.500 --> 00:10:14.500 That means that it's kind of just pause and kick back. 00:10:14.500 --> 00:10:17.500 So, anyway, I was not expecting to say all of that, but here we go. 00:10:17.500 --> 00:10:19.500 So, who am I? 00:10:19.500 --> 00:10:22.500 Well, Chad, you should use me, and thank you for that. 00:10:22.500 --> 00:10:26.500 That was really doable. I wasn't expecting any of those words at all. 00:10:26.500 --> 00:10:34.500 He mentioned my fashion, and yeah, I don't think it's that big of a deal. It really is just Pinterest, guys. 00:10:34.500 --> 00:10:40.500 It's sort of Pinterest. And just say, I want to wear a white polo, and it will give you all these ideas. 00:10:40.500 --> 00:10:43.500 That's the truth. It's going to be tricks that I promise. 00:10:43.500 --> 00:10:45.500 So, I come this little bit. 00:10:45.500 --> 00:10:51.500 But a single in mind, a little bit about me is, my name is Alexis. 00:10:51.500 --> 00:10:54.500 If you haven't already met me, I hope to meet you. 00:10:54.500 --> 00:10:57.500 If you haven't already met you already. I'm 28 years old. 00:10:57.500 --> 00:11:00.500 I was soon the 29. I'm just crazy. 00:11:00.500 --> 00:11:04.500 I can't believe I've already lived through a lot of 20s. 00:11:04.500 --> 00:11:06.500 I feel like, oh, they're kind of horrible. 00:11:06.500 --> 00:11:10.500 The 20s, if I'm being honest, I still feel like I'm 22. 00:11:10.500 --> 00:11:17.500 But at the same time, I also feel like I'm technically a Gen Z, right? 00:11:17.500 --> 00:11:20.500 At the same time, I still feel like I'm a millennial. 00:11:20.500 --> 00:11:25.500 My siblings are millennials. I have a lot of friends who are in their 30s and 40s 00:11:25.500 --> 00:11:28.500 that are also in that millennial category. 00:11:28.500 --> 00:11:32.500 And then you'd be surprised to have some others as well, more than older category. 00:11:32.500 --> 00:11:37.500 But anyway, the story is impoverished, and it's not anywhere near perfect. 00:11:37.500 --> 00:11:41.500 It's not the most exciting, so if you tend to do as old or fall asleep, that's okay. 00:11:41.500 --> 00:11:46.500 I won't be happy for that. Rest, you know. 00:11:46.500 --> 00:11:51.500 I'm more friends with people, yes, older, of course, I already said that. 00:11:51.500 --> 00:11:55.500 But so where was I from? Technically, I'm not from San Antonio. 00:11:55.500 --> 00:12:00.500 I was born in college teaching Texas. Does anyone know what that is? 00:12:00.500 --> 00:12:05.500 C-stat, okay. C-stat in the house. I'm not an IT fan, so don't mind excited. 00:12:05.500 --> 00:12:08.500 Anybody guess what we go for? 00:12:08.500 --> 00:12:14.500 There we go. Chat is not going to believe I go up here, because you can't get the horns out of the bike. 00:12:14.500 --> 00:12:17.500 And they're actually right at number six, University. 00:12:17.500 --> 00:12:18.500 Wow. 00:12:18.500 --> 00:12:22.500 It's all right, but I'm from Ivy Land. I've been there since I was about 10 years old. 00:12:22.500 --> 00:12:29.500 And I moved to Houston a little bit after that, and kind of spent another decade there. 00:12:29.500 --> 00:12:33.500 Guys, I'm not that old, so I have a lot of story, but I have some. 00:12:33.500 --> 00:12:39.500 So I spent a lot of my three teens, and a lot of my teenage years at Houston, I graduated there. 00:12:39.500 --> 00:12:48.500 And then last four to 2018, I moved to the good old San Antonio, home of the beat and she tacos. 00:12:48.500 --> 00:12:51.500 Wait, so the new thing for me was a big culture shock. 00:12:51.500 --> 00:12:56.500 Like, so I put me out grown up eating that since I was like two years old, not me. 00:12:56.500 --> 00:13:01.500 I got to come to go to San Antonio, the culture here, the people, the music, 00:13:01.500 --> 00:13:05.500 and of course my personal favorite, the San Antonio Spurs. 00:13:05.500 --> 00:13:11.500 And since I've been in this city, I've done nothing but all of it. 00:13:11.500 --> 00:13:14.500 I've fallen in love with the people and the culture. 00:13:14.500 --> 00:13:17.500 I've fallen in love, I think, with the unity. 00:13:17.500 --> 00:13:19.500 San Antonio has compared to a lot of other cities. 00:13:19.500 --> 00:13:22.500 You come from a big city like me, like Houston. 00:13:22.500 --> 00:13:28.500 And there wasn't that much unity with the Rockets, and I'm being honest, there wasn't much unity with the Texans. 00:13:28.500 --> 00:13:32.500 We weren't that great either, so it doesn't help. 00:13:32.500 --> 00:13:35.500 Being a Cowboys man also doesn't help. 00:13:35.500 --> 00:13:41.500 And yeah, something with San Antonio is just so special. 00:13:41.500 --> 00:13:47.500 And I hope that whether you're from here, that you take pride in being from San Antonio, not just dogging on the city. 00:13:47.500 --> 00:13:52.500 There's so many people that just hold the city down and I have so many questions as to why. 00:13:52.500 --> 00:13:55.500 And maybe that's for their own personal reason. 00:13:55.500 --> 00:13:58.500 But, okay. 00:13:58.500 --> 00:14:01.500 So, being here in San Antonio, it's been a lot of my time here. 00:14:01.500 --> 00:14:05.500 I'm a recent graduate from Texas A in San Antonio. 00:14:05.500 --> 00:14:10.500 Go Jaguars, Chad is a student there, he's almost done. 00:14:10.500 --> 00:14:12.500 He's seen him a little bit on campus, which is kind of cool. 00:14:12.500 --> 00:14:15.500 You see your classroom at the same campus as you have. 00:14:15.500 --> 00:14:18.500 And then on top of that, you're studying the same degree. 00:14:18.500 --> 00:14:24.500 I also am a psych major, and I'm a minor in sociology, which is something he's really familiar with as well. 00:14:24.500 --> 00:14:27.500 And then I always get the question, why psych? 00:14:27.500 --> 00:14:28.500 Why psychology? 00:14:28.500 --> 00:14:29.500 Why not business? 00:14:29.500 --> 00:14:30.500 Why not finance? 00:14:30.500 --> 00:14:33.500 Why not something that you can just make a lot of money in? 00:14:33.500 --> 00:14:36.500 Well, it says, why don't you just go on to wildlife? 00:14:36.500 --> 00:14:39.500 No, it's just not my thing. 00:14:39.500 --> 00:14:42.500 You know, looks, don't laughs, knowledge does. 00:14:42.500 --> 00:14:47.500 But, aside of the story, yeah, I graduated inside. 00:14:47.500 --> 00:14:49.500 I can't honestly, it wasn't my first choice. 00:14:49.500 --> 00:14:53.500 I, as a kid, it's funny, I remember telling my mom I wanted to be a pediatrician. 00:14:53.500 --> 00:14:56.500 Which is, as a kid, who wants to be a pediatrician? 00:14:56.500 --> 00:15:05.500 And I don't know, I think I just like the idea of just caring for people and kids and just wanting to help them in their journey. 00:15:05.500 --> 00:15:12.500 And then I obviously realized I was like, okay, maybe a pediatrician is not for sure. 00:15:12.500 --> 00:15:15.500 So then I was like, okay, well, what's one of the next best things, right? 00:15:15.500 --> 00:15:17.500 Which is like, go to be a nurse. 00:15:17.500 --> 00:15:28.500 So I tried to, or actually did everything to become a nurse and I was about to actually take my test to hopefully get into nursing school. 00:15:28.500 --> 00:15:35.500 And then there was like a little pause in my mid-20s and something shifted for me. 00:15:35.500 --> 00:15:42.500 And it was something in the sense of I had a family member who was diagnosed with schizophrenia. 00:15:42.500 --> 00:15:46.500 And if you don't know what schizophrenia is, 00:15:46.500 --> 00:15:50.500 it's a chronic brain disorder that alters how someone interprets their reality. 00:15:50.500 --> 00:15:55.500 So it literally shifts everything in their everyday living. 00:15:55.500 --> 00:16:02.500 And it's so easy to say those words, but we need to see someone who loves so deeply, changed everything overnight. 00:16:02.500 --> 00:16:08.500 And it explains why, after we do, we're talking what we do, and just kind of move the reality. 00:16:08.500 --> 00:16:10.500 It makes it really difficult. 00:16:10.500 --> 00:16:16.500 And schizophrenia makes it really difficult to differentiate what's real and what's imagined. 00:16:16.500 --> 00:16:19.500 And unfortunately, there is no cure for that. 00:16:19.500 --> 00:16:21.500 It's just a way to manage it. 00:16:21.500 --> 00:16:23.500 And it's just like a lot of medication. 00:16:23.500 --> 00:16:24.500 It's still a good life. 00:16:24.500 --> 00:16:25.500 It's just manageable. 00:16:25.500 --> 00:16:29.500 But sometimes it's hard to even do that and accept that reality. 00:16:29.500 --> 00:16:32.500 So that's when I knew I wanted to study psych. 00:16:32.500 --> 00:16:35.500 I wanted to know what schizophrenia was. 00:16:35.500 --> 00:16:40.500 And I thought it was a good idea to have a doctorate in the hospital. 00:16:40.500 --> 00:16:45.500 And I thought it was a good idea to have a doctorate in the hospital. 00:16:45.500 --> 00:16:50.500 And I thought it was a good idea to have a doctorate in the hospital. 00:16:50.500 --> 00:16:55.500 And I thought it was a good idea to have a doctorate in the hospital. 00:16:55.500 --> 00:17:00.500 And I thought it was a good idea to have a doctorate in the hospital. 00:17:00.500 --> 00:17:06.500 And I thought it was a good idea to have a doctorate in the hospital. 00:17:06.500 --> 00:17:10.500 And I thought it was a good idea to have a doctorate in the hospital. 00:17:10.500 --> 00:17:15.500 And I thought it was a good idea to have a doctorate in the hospital. 00:17:15.500 --> 00:17:19.500 And I thought it was a good idea to have a doctorate in the hospital. 00:17:19.500 --> 00:17:23.500 And I thought it was a good idea to have a doctorate in the hospital. 00:17:23.500 --> 00:17:28.500 And I thought it was a good idea to have a doctorate in the hospital. 00:17:28.500 --> 00:17:33.500 And I thought it was a good idea to have a doctorate in the hospital. 00:17:33.500 --> 00:17:38.500 And I thought it was a good idea to have a doctorate in the hospital. 00:17:38.500 --> 00:17:43.500 And I thought it was a good idea to have a doctorate in the hospital. 00:17:43.500 --> 00:17:47.500 And I thought it was a good idea to have a doctorate in the hospital. 00:17:47.500 --> 00:17:52.500 And I thought it was a good idea to have a doctorate in the hospital. 00:17:52.500 --> 00:17:57.500 And I thought it was a good idea to have a doctorate in the hospital. 00:17:57.500 --> 00:18:00.500 And I thought it was a good idea to have a doctorate in the hospital. 00:18:00.500 --> 00:18:03.500 And I thought it was a good idea to have a doctorate in the hospital. 00:18:03.500 --> 00:18:08.500 And I thought it was a good idea to have a doctorate in the hospital. 00:18:08.500 --> 00:18:12.500 And I thought it was a good idea to have a doctorate in the hospital. 00:18:12.500 --> 00:18:15.500 And I thought it was a good idea to have a doctorate in the hospital. 00:18:15.500 --> 00:18:18.500 And I thought it was a good idea to have a doctorate in the hospital. 00:18:18.500 --> 00:18:21.500 And I thought it was a good idea to have a doctorate in the hospital. 00:18:21.500 --> 00:18:24.500 And I thought it was a good idea to have a doctorate in the hospital. 00:18:24.500 --> 00:18:29.500 So we didn't come from a lot of money financially. 00:18:29.500 --> 00:18:34.500 My mom had a workable job just to keep his needs to take care of all of us. 00:18:34.500 --> 00:18:39.500 And I love that woman so much. 00:18:39.500 --> 00:18:42.500 She's not here today, but I just, she's here. 00:18:42.500 --> 00:18:45.500 Oh my God, physically she's here. 00:18:45.500 --> 00:18:54.500 (Laughter) 00:18:54.500 --> 00:18:56.500 No, she is here. 00:18:56.500 --> 00:18:58.500 Oh my gosh. 00:18:58.500 --> 00:19:01.500 (Laughter) 00:19:01.500 --> 00:19:03.500 She's just not in the room. 00:19:03.500 --> 00:19:04.500 Okay, okay. 00:19:04.500 --> 00:19:07.500 She just stepped back to Dallas. 00:19:07.500 --> 00:19:09.500 She had fun. 00:19:09.500 --> 00:19:11.500 I'll see her sometime this week. 00:19:11.500 --> 00:19:16.500 (Laughter) 00:19:16.500 --> 00:19:20.500 So we did grow up on a lot of the financial things. 00:19:20.500 --> 00:19:25.500 We probably bought a share, like, on restroom in 2003. 00:19:25.500 --> 00:19:26.500 That's the most. 00:19:26.500 --> 00:19:29.500 But being with my kids altogether, I was the baby. 00:19:29.500 --> 00:19:32.500 So I came later. 00:19:32.500 --> 00:19:35.500 My mom had the two boys, and they're two years apart. 00:19:35.500 --> 00:19:38.500 And then my mom had the two girls, and they're also two years apart. 00:19:38.500 --> 00:19:40.500 And so they kind of got to have each other pretty much growing up. 00:19:40.500 --> 00:19:43.500 And then my mom called and I was the blessing, right? 00:19:43.500 --> 00:19:44.500 I don't know. 00:19:44.500 --> 00:19:48.500 The oopsie, really what it was. 00:19:48.500 --> 00:19:51.500 And every time I say it, she'd be like, "It's bad." 00:19:51.500 --> 00:19:54.500 (Laughter) 00:19:54.500 --> 00:19:56.500 But yeah, so I was the baby. 00:19:56.500 --> 00:19:58.500 I came eight years later. 00:19:58.500 --> 00:20:04.500 And growing up at the 2000s, and so it's looking back. 00:20:04.500 --> 00:20:06.500 And so we'll see that like this. 00:20:06.500 --> 00:20:10.500 And then I got someone to kind of grow apart. 00:20:10.500 --> 00:20:12.500 And then my sisters, they had each other to kind of grow up with. 00:20:12.500 --> 00:20:14.500 And like, go through that time. 00:20:14.500 --> 00:20:16.500 And then I'm just kind of like me. 00:20:16.500 --> 00:20:19.500 You know, I didn't really have a wife, I guess, to grow with. 00:20:19.500 --> 00:20:23.500 And I kind of led me to be like just, I felt like an only child. 00:20:23.500 --> 00:20:26.500 I wasn't a only child kind of thing. 00:20:26.500 --> 00:20:32.500 So I didn't necessarily have a buddy, but I had my group. 00:20:32.500 --> 00:20:38.500 And I had the bedroom again, and I had my little Disney Princess TV 00:20:38.500 --> 00:20:41.500 younger girl that says, "That'll be a champion." 00:20:41.500 --> 00:20:44.500 So I told you I had to keep up with the conversation. 00:20:44.500 --> 00:20:47.500 So we had that little TV. 00:20:47.500 --> 00:20:48.500 And I had the bed. 00:20:48.500 --> 00:20:50.500 I had my toys and free space. 00:20:50.500 --> 00:20:52.500 I looked to color. 00:20:52.500 --> 00:20:57.500 And I just had my whole girl like my little comfort, like my space. 00:20:57.500 --> 00:21:01.500 So I think another part of it was less you. 00:21:01.500 --> 00:21:07.500 I think another part of me looking back at live with likes is that she honestly liked her piece. 00:21:07.500 --> 00:21:14.500 Something about closing the door to the bedroom felt safe and calmer than the chaos that was coming in and coming out of the home. 00:21:14.500 --> 00:21:20.500 After a lot of thought in their possessions, it became clear to me as when I called myself a bedroom kid. 00:21:20.500 --> 00:21:25.500 So within this scenario, specifically, I like to describe kids in cheap categories. 00:21:25.500 --> 00:21:31.500 Not because it's scientific, but because it explains an example of my experience. 00:21:31.500 --> 00:21:33.500 This could be different for you, but this is just for me today. 00:21:33.500 --> 00:21:38.500 But there are living for the kids, and there are bedroom kids. 00:21:38.500 --> 00:21:42.500 So living for the kids feel more comfortable in their home. 00:21:42.500 --> 00:21:49.500 They can relax, they can color, they can play games, they can jump around, and simply exist out in the open. 00:21:49.500 --> 00:21:55.500 And so if money was thinking about this when I got here, it would be a return to that one time when the woman was named by them. 00:21:55.500 --> 00:21:58.500 We invited me and my partner to their house. 00:21:58.500 --> 00:22:03.500 And we were just trying to live in her name now, conversating, and here comes little york. 00:22:03.500 --> 00:22:08.500 And she was running through the house, and she jumped in, and she was playing, and you know she's been doing that. 00:22:08.500 --> 00:22:12.500 So she's like, oh, she plays, and she's back flipping in. 00:22:12.500 --> 00:22:21.500 And I'm in awe of this child, because she's just being yourself, you know. She doesn't have to feel like she has to be someone else in her home home. 00:22:21.500 --> 00:22:27.500 And so that's what I see as a living room kid for me, but I became a bedroom kid. 00:22:27.500 --> 00:22:31.500 And my bedroom was a safest place in my home. 00:22:31.500 --> 00:22:34.500 It was quiet, it was predictable, it was peaceful, and safe. 00:22:34.500 --> 00:22:39.500 So I stayed there, and I came through the commotion of the rest of the house around me. 00:22:39.500 --> 00:22:47.500 A little did I know that I would get so comfortable in my bedroom hiding, that I would take on the identity of hiding. 00:22:47.500 --> 00:22:54.500 So what an adventure being coming up that you can't do for me. 00:22:54.500 --> 00:23:03.500 So today's talk we're going to be simply talking about hiding, masking, pretending, looking perfect, having the things that want that nature. 00:23:03.500 --> 00:23:06.500 It's something that I don't know if you'll do, it's okay. 00:23:06.500 --> 00:23:12.500 So my talk today is titled "You're Safe Enough" to stop hiding. 00:23:12.500 --> 00:23:20.500 Hiding in my bedroom as a child felt like I was just avoiding conflict, but over time I realized it really became my identity. 00:23:20.500 --> 00:23:29.500 I learned that if I stayed quiet, if I didn't mean much, if I didn't cause problems, if I didn't ask questions, life just automatically felt safer. 00:23:29.500 --> 00:23:39.500 Being that problematic child became something I was proud of. Being the bedroom kid created me the peacemaker, created me being visible. 00:23:39.500 --> 00:23:47.500 It turned me into someone who was skillfully learning to be polished and perfect instead of just a vulnerable and authentic. 00:23:47.500 --> 00:23:56.500 So as I got to my teenagers and to my religion, I figured out what I was pretty much good at. 00:23:56.500 --> 00:24:04.500 To fast forward, you know, being a bedroom kid, going into middle school to high school, whatever you want to learn in there, I got the good grades. 00:24:04.500 --> 00:24:09.500 I finally got to play sports in middle school, so when I got the okay, I didn't at all believe it or not. 00:24:09.500 --> 00:24:17.500 I got to high school, I danced all four years, and I made captain face in the middle year, of course, I got to push myself to be more. 00:24:17.500 --> 00:24:27.500 And from the outside looking in, everything looked like it was going exactly how it shifted. 00:24:27.500 --> 00:24:36.500 If I am, if you have a child or if you are, let me just say, if you have a child who is an unproblematic child, my therapist likes to say you can check on that child's voice. 00:24:36.500 --> 00:24:42.500 And let them know that you can drop it all and just leave themselves if that was the case. 00:24:42.500 --> 00:24:55.500 But as a child or a teenager, I love hearing my homesick things like, "I never have to worry about you. You're so mature. You're such a good kid. You give me no issues. You have such a good head on your shoulders." 00:24:55.500 --> 00:25:03.500 And while those words were genuine for her, they meant everything to me, her approval, over time I realized I wasn't just trying to do the right thing. 00:25:03.500 --> 00:25:09.500 I was trying to become someone who also never disappointed anyone. 00:25:09.500 --> 00:25:14.500 So without realizing it, I started building an identity around always having it together. 00:25:14.500 --> 00:25:19.500 I felt like I had to present the best version of myself all the time. 00:25:19.500 --> 00:25:24.500 More people complimented me for being the good kid. 00:25:24.500 --> 00:25:32.500 A harder became to let anyone see me when I wasn't okay, or when I was just tired and overwhelmed for now. 00:25:32.500 --> 00:25:38.500 So by the time I got to my early twenties, I had spent years trying to do everything the right way. 00:25:38.500 --> 00:25:43.500 But even though I think I looked like I was put together, I still feel like something was busy. 00:25:43.500 --> 00:25:51.500 Something wasn't right there. I was still looking for something to just kind of feel like I guess a boy that I had hurt myself. 00:25:51.500 --> 00:25:55.500 So I started to think that I could make it out of places. 00:25:55.500 --> 00:26:02.500 I was going out with friends at the time, spending a lot more time in the night life seeing, not probably. 00:26:02.500 --> 00:26:11.500 Drinking more than I had ever had. Chasing the bottom of the ball over a glass that made me feel accepted in a moment. 00:26:11.500 --> 00:26:15.500 I think looking back with people, I was surrounded with them at that time. 00:26:15.500 --> 00:26:19.500 We were all looking for the same approval in some sort of fashion. 00:26:19.500 --> 00:26:27.500 But for me personally, I got so fed up with the pretending and the hiding that I just finally wanted to take the mask off. 00:26:27.500 --> 00:26:37.500 I was searching. I was one in belonging. At the same time, I was one in approval, but at the same time, I also wanted purpose. 00:26:37.500 --> 00:26:44.500 I was just looking for things deep down that I knew really couldn't satisfy me. 00:26:44.500 --> 00:26:48.500 So then you're asking, "Okay, well, what did you do?" "What changed?" 00:26:48.500 --> 00:26:58.500 "Oh my God, this is something to say." "I know, but I got in my church." "I got in my church for the first time." 00:26:58.500 --> 00:27:03.500 And the other thing about that, because I never really grown up in church. 00:27:03.500 --> 00:27:08.500 I didn't maybe want to try it since late to get a speckation box for me. 00:27:08.500 --> 00:27:15.500 But I didn't grow up in church. I wasn't an officer or I wasn't there serving. 00:27:15.500 --> 00:27:19.500 I wasn't with the other kids. I wasn't learning scripture. I wasn't learning theology. 00:27:19.500 --> 00:27:24.500 I wasn't seeing my character in prayer. I wasn't listening to worship music. I wasn't doing the things. 00:27:24.500 --> 00:27:32.500 And looking back now, even though despite any of that, because whether you have that back or where you don't, it doesn't matter. 00:27:32.500 --> 00:27:39.500 I realized that God wasn't just leading me to one destination or just one church that I invited to you. 00:27:39.500 --> 00:27:44.500 But God was walking me through Jesus's existence. 00:27:44.500 --> 00:27:50.500 So American Franciscan trees, older and spiritual teachers, that we all know of Richard Rohr. 00:27:50.500 --> 00:28:02.500 He shares his paradigm for the transformative process of spiritual which you're being three different stages consisting of, we have order, we have the disordered, and then we have the reorder. 00:28:02.500 --> 00:28:11.500 He set us in quotes, "Order is the first stage. If we are granted it, and not all of us are, we feel innocent and we feel safe. 00:28:11.500 --> 00:28:24.500 Everything is pretty much good. Those who try to stay in the first satisfying explanation of how they should be, tend to refuse and avoid any confusion, conflict, inconsistencies, or even suffering. 00:28:24.500 --> 00:28:37.500 Disorder or change is always to be avoided. The ego believes. So let's just hunker down and pretend that my status quo is entirely good, should be good for everybody, and it's always true." 00:28:37.500 --> 00:28:44.500 Looking back at my first church experience, that was my first season of liquor. 00:28:44.500 --> 00:28:51.500 That's where I started thinking of when I started thinking a little bit more. You don't go new Sunday fun, they get as much more. 00:28:51.500 --> 00:29:01.500 He started creating a little bit more, you start reading one of the more scriptures, you start figuring out ways to try to manage your sin, or another way to try to find your sin, right? 00:29:01.500 --> 00:29:11.500 And that's just a place where I'm just like, "Okay, we have to do this thing, and then we've got to do that thing, but if we continue this thing, then God will grant us this thing." 00:29:11.500 --> 00:29:24.500 And marriage is, you know, transactional, very just, I don't know, trying to just do what you think is right, because the church says so, and the Lord is says so. 00:29:24.500 --> 00:29:38.500 So yeah, I started sending more Sunday services, I started getting involved, I even started serving guys, I started serving with kids, and that's a blast for me, so I love the kids in the back. 00:29:38.500 --> 00:29:41.500 And those of you who have them, they are great. 00:29:41.500 --> 00:29:51.500 And then I started to be free, and I just really just remember that experience being within this church that I'm just very raw, but not raw in the good way. 00:29:51.500 --> 00:30:01.500 Like, we're just bringing off the band aid, because we have to, you know, we have to do this for God, and you need to turn from your ways because of X, Y, and Z. 00:30:01.500 --> 00:30:12.500 And I just became really happy, it became really happy for the people I invited, oh my God, I invited people, and they would talk about something, and I was like, "Oh God, I don't want to go to my church." 00:30:12.500 --> 00:30:18.500 And we're just in the same boat, and it just felt so horrible, like, there's no way I can bounce back from that. 00:30:18.500 --> 00:30:28.500 And that's like my season at a border, and then this is when I transitioned out of the church, that one, that went to another one. 00:30:28.500 --> 00:30:33.500 So then Richard Raw goes and talks about what he says is disordered. 00:30:33.500 --> 00:30:34.500 He goes. 00:30:34.500 --> 00:30:40.500 At some point in our lives, we'll be deeply disappointed in it, but what we were originally taught. 00:30:40.500 --> 00:30:46.500 By aware our choices have led us, or by seemingly random tragedies that take place in all of our lives. 00:30:46.500 --> 00:30:53.500 There will be a death, maybe a disease, a disruption to a normal way of thinking, or being in the world. 00:30:53.500 --> 00:30:56.500 It isn't necessary that any real growth is to occur. 00:30:56.500 --> 00:31:00.500 The disorder stages will be called from Adam and Eve, still reading the fall. 00:31:00.500 --> 00:31:04.500 Some people try to go back to the original box, the order. 00:31:04.500 --> 00:31:08.500 And they don't accept reality, which prevents them from losing further growth. 00:31:08.500 --> 00:31:15.500 Permanent residence in the disorder stage tends to make people negative and cynical, maybe angry, 00:31:15.500 --> 00:31:19.500 and quite dogmatic, as we search for solidarity. 00:31:19.500 --> 00:31:27.500 So, transition down to the first church, which is what I call my border church, moving into disorder. 00:31:27.500 --> 00:31:35.500 In the second church, I was like, "Oh, people, you know, they have lots of information, but it's like more on the back burner." 00:31:35.500 --> 00:31:40.500 So I was like, "That's scary, everyone will live. I think it's cool that they're really talking about it, right?" 00:31:40.500 --> 00:31:46.500 So, they have sincere people. I've met a lot of good people who are still kind of keeping contact with today, 00:31:46.500 --> 00:31:49.500 and they love Jesus, and they have such good intentions. 00:31:49.500 --> 00:31:54.500 So, I just want to say first that I don't think they were trying to create an age-run performance or being polished, 00:31:54.500 --> 00:31:58.500 but for me, it just felt like everyone just had this together. 00:31:58.500 --> 00:32:03.500 Like, if you think I'm on stage right now, wearing whatever it is, I'm talking to you guys, and like I have it together, 00:32:03.500 --> 00:32:08.500 just imagine a whole room full of people that just like this, right? 00:32:08.500 --> 00:32:13.500 You know, you don't want to come in and be with your body, and your leg is going to be in a lot of place. 00:32:13.500 --> 00:32:18.500 But just imagine that first, like it's a whole room of people who just look like me. 00:32:18.500 --> 00:32:24.500 You know what I mean? And I just felt like everyone had it together, and you know, you would ask someone, 00:32:24.500 --> 00:32:27.500 "Oh, how are you going? How are you going? How are you going? How are you going? How are you going?" 00:32:27.500 --> 00:32:34.500 But there was never a wrong answer. It was always, "Oh, good. The kids are good. Oh, my husband just said this, 00:32:34.500 --> 00:32:40.500 and the business is moving, and, you know, we're fine, and his mom's fine, and, oh, we're believing for this. 00:32:40.500 --> 00:32:42.500 It's God's going to do this, and we're just fine." 00:32:42.500 --> 00:32:44.500 We're just fine. 00:32:44.500 --> 00:32:45.500 We're just fine. 00:32:45.500 --> 00:32:46.500 We're just fine. 00:32:46.500 --> 00:32:47.500 I don't know. 00:32:47.500 --> 00:32:48.500 You know? 00:32:48.500 --> 00:32:55.500 And, you know, they were just starting boards for a few things, and you all have a policeman for God, 00:32:55.500 --> 00:32:57.500 and just being in the presence of God. 00:32:57.500 --> 00:33:02.500 And the message was always calm as you are, because that was our perfect, 00:33:02.500 --> 00:33:06.500 but when I looked around, everyone just happened to see him early. 00:33:06.500 --> 00:33:10.500 So whether that was a reality or just simply my perception, 00:33:10.500 --> 00:33:14.500 it reinforced some ache that had been inside of me since I was a little girl. 00:33:14.500 --> 00:33:18.500 I had to bet my whole life learned to be the good kid and problematic kid, 00:33:18.500 --> 00:33:25.500 the one who had it together, so I thought, "Oh, man, okay, so this is what Christianity must look like, too." 00:33:25.500 --> 00:33:28.500 I read a book a couple months ago from John Lynch. 00:33:28.500 --> 00:33:35.500 His book, The Cure, and Chad has talked about this book, and later that I come to know that he's really close with this family, 00:33:35.500 --> 00:33:36.500 which is really cool. 00:33:36.500 --> 00:33:43.500 But we might be able to read this book, and in the book, he talks about him approaching a fort in the road, 00:33:43.500 --> 00:33:47.500 and there being a huge pole, and there is two signs. 00:33:47.500 --> 00:33:51.500 There's the pleasing God path that you can go on, you can walk this road, 00:33:51.500 --> 00:33:54.500 and do everything you can to please God. 00:33:54.500 --> 00:33:56.500 And then there's the trust in God. 00:33:56.500 --> 00:34:00.500 I can't get into all the details of this book, but if you can read it, please do. 00:34:00.500 --> 00:34:02.500 It's so freeing. 00:34:02.500 --> 00:34:07.500 But as the book continues, it mentioned that the pleasing God path flees into this room, 00:34:07.500 --> 00:34:10.500 and it leads to the room of good intentions. 00:34:10.500 --> 00:34:17.500 It's a room where people are sincerely trying to please God when their works manage their sin, 00:34:17.500 --> 00:34:20.500 and the goal is just to become overall better Christians, right? 00:34:20.500 --> 00:34:25.500 Become more and better be Christ-like. 00:34:25.500 --> 00:34:31.500 It's not a room that you can take off the mask, but it's really a room where you just keep it off. 00:34:31.500 --> 00:34:36.500 And if you haven't had a mask walking in, thank you. 00:34:36.500 --> 00:34:43.500 Often we wear masks because we're afraid that if people in the room are less, we'd be less. 00:34:43.500 --> 00:34:47.500 Walking into the room of good intentions, I realized that having stopped wearing a mask, 00:34:47.500 --> 00:34:51.500 I just couldn't walk in front of the other room. 00:34:51.500 --> 00:34:58.500 So then, I felt harshness, which is what I call my reorder stage. 00:34:58.500 --> 00:35:02.500 Richard Horriss says it's about reorder. 00:35:02.500 --> 00:35:06.500 Only in the final reorder stage can darkness and land coexist. 00:35:06.500 --> 00:35:10.500 Can paradox be okay? 00:35:10.500 --> 00:35:15.500 We are finally at home in the world, and the only world that ever existed. 00:35:15.500 --> 00:35:18.500 This is true and contemplative knowing. 00:35:18.500 --> 00:35:23.500 Here, death is a part of life, and failure is a part of the victory. 00:35:23.500 --> 00:35:28.500 Opposites collide, and they unite, and everything belongs. 00:35:28.500 --> 00:35:33.500 At the reorder stage we come to the true inner authority, where I know something, 00:35:33.500 --> 00:35:39.500 and the only nature of knowing, is that it's okay because God is in every moment no matter what happens. 00:35:39.500 --> 00:35:45.500 So it's taking the tension from not knowing and knowing and part of it together. 00:35:45.500 --> 00:35:52.500 Nothing needs to be excluded. I can live and work with all of it because apparently God can't do it. 00:35:52.500 --> 00:35:59.500 For some, unbelievable reason, contrary to logic and common sense, everything does belong. 00:35:59.500 --> 00:36:03.500 It's so funny, God works, not just for me, but for every person in this room. 00:36:03.500 --> 00:36:07.500 God is so intentional to all the bits and pieces of our lives. 00:36:07.500 --> 00:36:18.500 When I hear stories of just people in this room, it blows my mind, you know. 00:36:18.500 --> 00:36:24.500 This story I always think is a lot because I'm going to say my first story come first, right? 00:36:24.500 --> 00:36:27.500 It's about the whole thing. 00:36:27.500 --> 00:36:34.500 So, coming from my previous church, right, it's very organized and organized. 00:36:34.500 --> 00:36:39.500 [Laughter] 00:36:39.500 --> 00:36:42.500 It's not fair to me. 00:36:42.500 --> 00:36:43.500 [Laughter] 00:36:43.500 --> 00:36:45.500 Okay, everyone watch that. 00:36:45.500 --> 00:36:48.500 [Laughter] 00:36:48.500 --> 00:36:51.500 God is I'm putting my foot in my mouth. 00:36:51.500 --> 00:36:53.500 [Laughter] 00:36:53.500 --> 00:36:57.500 No, this is okay. It's like working on you. 00:36:57.500 --> 00:37:01.500 [Laughter] 00:37:01.500 --> 00:37:04.500 It wasn't organized, right? 00:37:04.500 --> 00:37:07.500 But I meant, like, we brought it, like, organization, right? 00:37:07.500 --> 00:37:10.500 Let's think business, like, we're running at, like, a business show. 00:37:10.500 --> 00:37:15.500 We have to perform this many, you know, people coming in and they have to give us lunch and, you know, 00:37:15.500 --> 00:37:20.500 worship has to be three songs and it has to be this prayer and it has to be only two minutes 00:37:20.500 --> 00:37:25.500 that you can, you know, XYZ told to your neighbor, so you hide by five people, whatever you call it, right? 00:37:25.500 --> 00:37:28.500 So, anyway, first something to arsenal and I got to write with my partner. 00:37:28.500 --> 00:37:33.500 She sent home care, one of her patients actually invited her to Arsenal, which is why I say, 00:37:33.500 --> 00:37:39.500 "God, it's just so intentional," and everything, and every conversation, being a battle to someone else, 00:37:39.500 --> 00:37:42.500 in a clinic room, just inviting, right? 00:37:42.500 --> 00:37:47.500 So, we come and just, like, we're going to have this tournament and we're going to be like, 00:37:47.500 --> 00:37:49.500 "I'm hoping to get like this." 00:37:49.500 --> 00:37:51.500 "Oh, I mean, what are we going to do?" 00:37:51.500 --> 00:37:57.500 So, we go check it out and she's like, "Pay what starts at 11, so, you know, we got to get there a little early." 00:37:57.500 --> 00:38:00.500 And I'm like, "Okay, I can't have a bunch of sets today, I don't have any." 00:38:00.500 --> 00:38:04.500 You know, "I don't want to be late, I'm coming for a minute, I'm late." 00:38:04.500 --> 00:38:09.500 And then I'm ticked off because of late, when I made myself late, and I'm like, "You know what, no." 00:38:09.500 --> 00:38:12.500 So, she's like, "All right, let's get to like 10.45, all right?" 00:38:12.500 --> 00:38:19.500 So, we did my parking, all right, my parking, we did our seat, where anybody gets their seats, right? 00:38:19.500 --> 00:38:26.500 And we did the thing, so we got here and I remember I came with her in my mom, and I'm doing the long, 00:38:26.500 --> 00:38:33.500 and we got here and no free here at the door, and I had to open my own cupboard. 00:38:33.500 --> 00:38:36.500 [laughter] 00:38:36.500 --> 00:38:41.500 And I broke my own cupboard, and it was tough. 00:38:41.500 --> 00:38:45.500 But anyway, we got in, and there's two people in here. 00:38:45.500 --> 00:38:49.500 It was working on me, working on me. 00:38:49.500 --> 00:38:57.500 And they were in the bag, and they were just sitting on this table, and talking, and coffee, and she said, "No, whatever." 00:38:57.500 --> 00:39:01.500 And they were like, "Okay, like, make the marker for us." 00:39:01.500 --> 00:39:03.500 "Oh, are you new?" "What are you doing?" 00:39:03.500 --> 00:39:04.500 [laughter] 00:39:04.500 --> 00:39:05.500 And we were like, "Oh, yeah." 00:39:05.500 --> 00:39:07.500 And he said, "Okay, no worries, we'll call this here." 00:39:07.500 --> 00:39:11.500 And he said, "The rest of the day are convenient, and we'll get started like 11-ish." 00:39:11.500 --> 00:39:14.500 [laughter] 00:39:14.500 --> 00:39:24.500 And we were like, "Okay, no one's in here, guys." 00:39:24.500 --> 00:39:32.500 And we come to like, I don't like a couple rows up, and we get situated, and it's 11.05. 00:39:32.500 --> 00:39:35.500 And I'm like, "Oh, the plan is going to count down to you." 00:39:35.500 --> 00:39:37.500 [laughter] 00:39:37.500 --> 00:39:41.500 So then, finally, we're going to go where she's starting. 00:39:41.500 --> 00:39:46.500 And it was very, I think they were just smaller. 00:39:46.500 --> 00:39:49.500 I was like, "You know what can happen?" I was very impressed. 00:39:49.500 --> 00:39:52.500 And so it's really good, you know? 00:39:52.500 --> 00:39:57.500 And no, I guess, should I say, border? 00:39:57.500 --> 00:39:58.500 [laughter] 00:39:58.500 --> 00:40:00.500 It's a hard, simple, right? 00:40:00.500 --> 00:40:06.500 And just, Ron is in the way that it felt okay. 00:40:06.500 --> 00:40:13.500 So take away those patterns that I had that church had to be like this, and had to be like this, 00:40:13.500 --> 00:40:15.500 and you have to look like this. 00:40:15.500 --> 00:40:19.500 And it was just so comforting. 00:40:19.500 --> 00:40:26.500 And, um... 00:40:26.500 --> 00:40:29.500 So I want to go back for a second to John Lynch's book. 00:40:29.500 --> 00:40:34.500 The two paths were like a head mention, were pleasing God and trusting God. 00:40:34.500 --> 00:40:40.500 And the trusting God, I don't know, it just sounded like too easy, like too simple. 00:40:40.500 --> 00:40:44.500 Like, you just got to trust, and you don't really have all the questions, 00:40:44.500 --> 00:40:47.500 like the answers, but it's like, I don't know, I guess. 00:40:47.500 --> 00:40:50.500 The other option was the thinking God really thought for me. 00:40:50.500 --> 00:40:52.500 Everybody couldn't live the same. 00:40:52.500 --> 00:40:56.500 And it didn't feel right in my soul, which is very surface-level. 00:40:56.500 --> 00:40:58.500 It was just like, "Okay, we're doing this again." 00:40:58.500 --> 00:41:00.500 And how many souls do we see this weekend? 00:41:00.500 --> 00:41:08.500 A pain grave, and then we have this path, a trusting God, and it leads to a room, 00:41:08.500 --> 00:41:13.500 which is not the room of intentions, but the room of grace. 00:41:13.500 --> 00:41:17.500 And when it comes to arsenal, that's an intuitive experience. 00:41:17.500 --> 00:41:21.500 It's not a place where I have to prove that I'm certainly good enough, 00:41:21.500 --> 00:41:24.500 but a place where I can actually be honest. 00:41:24.500 --> 00:41:28.500 The room of grace isn't a place where people pretend they have it all together. 00:41:28.500 --> 00:41:31.500 It's just a place where people can admit that they don't. 00:41:31.500 --> 00:41:35.500 There are some communities who still pursue this holiness, 00:41:35.500 --> 00:41:38.500 despite maybe looking for a dream. 00:41:38.500 --> 00:41:41.500 [laughter] 00:41:41.500 --> 00:41:43.500 That's not a place you want to be. 00:41:43.500 --> 00:41:45.500 [laughter] 00:41:45.500 --> 00:41:48.500 There are some other communities who still love Jesus. 00:41:48.500 --> 00:41:51.500 They're not pretending that they've arrived, 00:41:51.500 --> 00:41:54.500 and they have all the answers to your wrong questions. 00:41:54.500 --> 00:41:57.500 I finally started to be honest with others. 00:41:57.500 --> 00:42:02.500 But the most lovely thing I ever did was I had to work to be honest with others. 00:42:02.500 --> 00:42:03.500 [laughter] 00:42:03.500 --> 00:42:08.500 I realized I didn't have to earn love by me before they remember things. 00:42:08.500 --> 00:42:12.500 I didn't have to keep proving that I was a good kid at 28 years old. 00:42:12.500 --> 00:42:15.500 For someone who had spent years at hiding, 00:42:15.500 --> 00:42:18.500 I had achievements and titles and affection. 00:42:18.500 --> 00:42:23.500 I didn't think grace was something I didn't know I could do. 00:42:23.500 --> 00:42:27.500 But I think God would just bring me to a different church. 00:42:27.500 --> 00:42:32.500 He brought me to a place where I firmly believed I could be the only thing I loved. 00:42:32.500 --> 00:42:37.500 [laughter] 00:42:37.500 --> 00:42:40.500 So, I'm going to wrap it up here. 00:42:40.500 --> 00:42:42.500 I'll invite saying this, 00:42:42.500 --> 00:42:46.500 that I'm not here to convince you to believe exactly as I am fighting for storms. 00:42:46.500 --> 00:42:50.500 I'm not here to convince you that you need to stay here at our school. 00:42:50.500 --> 00:42:53.500 This isn't the point of my story, it's not the right view. 00:42:53.500 --> 00:42:55.500 It's the invitation to accept us. 00:42:55.500 --> 00:42:57.500 To your heart, you always say what the heaven is. 00:42:57.500 --> 00:42:58.500 This isn't a good one. 00:42:58.500 --> 00:43:00.500 It's interesting to have it with you. 00:43:00.500 --> 00:43:02.500 My story is that I spent most of my life just fighting, 00:43:02.500 --> 00:43:04.500 and even fighting the numbers, 00:43:04.500 --> 00:43:06.500 and your open share needs that I've gotten in the least, 00:43:06.500 --> 00:43:08.500 just happening together. 00:43:08.500 --> 00:43:10.500 So, when I found here, it was completely different. 00:43:10.500 --> 00:43:15.500 I found a community that believes honesty is more important than just pretending. 00:43:15.500 --> 00:43:18.500 A place where I can say, you know, struggling or I have doubts, 00:43:18.500 --> 00:43:21.500 I know I have stuff, I have bugs, 00:43:21.500 --> 00:43:23.500 and I'm just so loved. 00:43:23.500 --> 00:43:26.500 Sometimes that's really uncomfortable. 00:43:26.500 --> 00:43:29.500 To do that, to ask people for help. 00:43:29.500 --> 00:43:31.500 I'm going to go out and ask people for help. 00:43:31.500 --> 00:43:33.500 I'm going to do everything in my heart, 00:43:33.500 --> 00:43:35.500 to wear myself out before I ask people for help. 00:43:35.500 --> 00:43:36.500 I'm working on it. 00:43:36.500 --> 00:43:37.500 [laughter] 00:43:37.500 --> 00:43:40.500 But I know that comfort is so overrated, 00:43:40.500 --> 00:43:43.500 where growth always, almost always begins on the other side. 00:43:43.500 --> 00:43:47.500 I hope that when you walked in today, 00:43:47.500 --> 00:43:50.500 that you felt that there's a lot in this room 00:43:50.500 --> 00:43:53.500 that maybe you haven't seen ever experienced before, 00:43:53.500 --> 00:43:56.500 or maybe haven't experienced it in a really long time. 00:43:56.500 --> 00:43:58.500 Not because that people care for perfect, 00:43:58.500 --> 00:44:01.500 but because they're willing to admit that they're not. 00:44:01.500 --> 00:44:04.500 So, whether you're all in on this same journey, 00:44:04.500 --> 00:44:06.500 whether you're full of question, 00:44:06.500 --> 00:44:08.500 or whether you've constructed it, 00:44:08.500 --> 00:44:10.500 or whether you don't believe at all, 00:44:10.500 --> 00:44:14.500 because I know someone in this room has deconstructed so much 00:44:14.500 --> 00:44:17.500 that they don't even know what they would need if they weren't, 00:44:17.500 --> 00:44:18.500 and that's okay. 00:44:18.500 --> 00:44:20.500 I just want you to know, 00:44:20.500 --> 00:44:22.500 and I want you to take this with you as you go out today, 00:44:22.500 --> 00:44:24.500 because you're safe here. 00:44:24.500 --> 00:44:26.500 I think during worship, 00:44:26.500 --> 00:44:28.500 I had really touched my heart and didn't just say, 00:44:28.500 --> 00:44:30.500 like, "I'm safe here." 00:44:30.500 --> 00:44:32.500 You don't have to have all the answers. 00:44:32.500 --> 00:44:33.500 You have to pretend. 00:44:33.500 --> 00:44:35.500 You can take the mask off. 00:44:35.500 --> 00:44:37.500 You can ask questions. 00:44:37.500 --> 00:44:38.500 You can be honest. 00:44:38.500 --> 00:44:40.500 You can eat you. 00:44:40.500 --> 00:44:42.500 And I think that's what the horse told me about. 00:44:42.500 --> 00:44:47.500 So, I just want to say thank you for allowing me to share my story today. 00:44:47.500 --> 00:44:49.500 I have all the great two covers, 00:44:49.500 --> 00:44:53.500 and hope and joy that I'm out of where you are in your faith, 00:44:53.500 --> 00:44:55.500 but it's okay to be just here, 00:44:55.500 --> 00:44:58.500 and just be with us, and we'll let you just figure out. 00:44:58.500 --> 00:45:00.500 And I love you guys so much. 00:45:00.500 --> 00:45:02.500 Thank you for allowing me to be here. 00:45:02.500 --> 00:45:10.500 [applause] 00:45:10.500 --> 00:45:26.500 There's an intention behind her to squirking the sage. 00:45:26.500 --> 00:45:31.500 [laughter] 00:45:31.500 --> 00:45:45.500 [laughter] 00:45:45.500 --> 00:45:48.500 So, Alexis and I sat down Friday to talk. 00:45:48.500 --> 00:45:51.500 And I heard a story growing up. 00:45:51.500 --> 00:45:56.500 I didn't know what she was going to talk about today until this morning. 00:45:56.500 --> 00:45:59.500 I said, "Hey, I need to do my slides." 00:45:59.500 --> 00:46:01.500 Oh, really? 00:46:01.500 --> 00:46:04.500 And the cure wasn't there. 00:46:04.500 --> 00:46:06.500 John Lynch's book. 00:46:06.500 --> 00:46:19.500 John was such a pivotal person in the transition for me in understanding the plan of Christ. 00:46:19.500 --> 00:46:22.500 That book was life-changing. 00:46:22.500 --> 00:46:28.500 And John would say that when you wear a mask, 00:46:28.500 --> 00:46:31.500 when you're in the world, you can do these accomplishments. 00:46:31.500 --> 00:46:33.500 If you're perfect, you can do that mask. 00:46:33.500 --> 00:46:37.500 That version, if you can slowly go home, you can take a mask up the window. 00:46:37.500 --> 00:46:39.500 I love that they use your mask. 00:46:39.500 --> 00:46:43.500 And you, too, are still not accepted for love. 00:46:43.500 --> 00:46:44.500 But love. 00:46:44.500 --> 00:46:48.500 [laughter] 00:46:48.500 --> 00:46:54.500 So, as Alexis is talking, she came here, she felt safer. 00:46:54.500 --> 00:46:58.500 [laughter] 00:46:58.500 --> 00:47:00.500 I just, too surprised. 00:47:00.500 --> 00:47:02.500 That's what we do. 00:47:02.500 --> 00:47:05.500 [laughter] 00:47:05.500 --> 00:47:09.500 We don't have freeers at the door on purpose. 00:47:09.500 --> 00:47:12.500 I remember, in a Saturday years ago, 00:47:12.500 --> 00:47:15.500 I'm like, "Where else do you go as an adult?" 00:47:15.500 --> 00:47:17.500 "Another adult reach other than Walmart." 00:47:17.500 --> 00:47:18.500 It's okay. 00:47:18.500 --> 00:47:21.500 [laughter] 00:47:21.500 --> 00:47:23.500 It's just weird. 00:47:23.500 --> 00:47:24.500 [laughter] 00:47:24.500 --> 00:47:25.500 A lot of people come in. 00:47:25.500 --> 00:47:28.500 The whole back area was supposed to have, like, couch seats 00:47:28.500 --> 00:47:30.500 and living from set up. 00:47:30.500 --> 00:47:32.500 Be where you could come in, because that's when people come in 00:47:32.500 --> 00:47:34.500 and sit in the back row. 00:47:34.500 --> 00:47:35.500 Where you sit, John? 00:47:35.500 --> 00:47:37.500 The back corner of your back. 00:47:37.500 --> 00:47:38.500 The spot right there. 00:47:38.500 --> 00:47:40.500 Or the back corner of your back. 00:47:40.500 --> 00:47:42.500 But they could slip out. 00:47:42.500 --> 00:47:45.500 The moment they heard, they'd always heard in church. 00:47:45.500 --> 00:47:48.500 The moment they felt not loved. 00:47:48.500 --> 00:47:50.500 And so I was like, "We'll just put some couch back here. 00:47:50.500 --> 00:47:51.500 People can hang out. 00:47:51.500 --> 00:47:53.500 We have to be in church. 00:47:53.500 --> 00:47:55.500 We're going to get the couch together." 00:47:55.500 --> 00:47:57.500 [laughter] 00:47:57.500 --> 00:48:00.500 But... 00:48:00.500 --> 00:48:04.500 That's who we want to be. 00:48:04.500 --> 00:48:06.500 Place people up. 00:48:06.500 --> 00:48:11.500 You walk in here to accept it, look along. 00:48:11.500 --> 00:48:14.500 You can't take the mask off. 00:48:14.500 --> 00:48:17.500 But your behavior is not what you find as your country. 00:48:17.500 --> 00:48:22.500 It's Christ, the love he has. 00:48:22.500 --> 00:48:26.500 Even this morning, standing outside, 00:48:26.500 --> 00:48:28.500 talking with my buddy Henry. 00:48:28.500 --> 00:48:36.500 [laughter] 00:48:36.500 --> 00:48:40.500 My heart burns for him. 00:48:40.500 --> 00:48:43.500 At one point, he's like, "Well, the Bible says you can't do this. 00:48:43.500 --> 00:48:44.500 This is wrong. 00:48:44.500 --> 00:48:45.500 This is wrong. 00:48:45.500 --> 00:48:48.500 You're teaching lies. 00:48:48.500 --> 00:48:51.500 He's sending people to hell. 00:48:51.500 --> 00:48:53.500 They're not saved. 00:48:53.500 --> 00:48:56.500 You're not saved." 00:48:56.500 --> 00:49:00.500 So, how do you know of someone's? 00:49:00.500 --> 00:49:03.500 Jesus. 00:49:03.500 --> 00:49:06.500 Well, their righteousness, their holiness, their blood. 00:49:06.500 --> 00:49:07.500 So, no, no. 00:49:07.500 --> 00:49:11.500 There's a word in Scripture that says how you can figure out 00:49:11.500 --> 00:49:16.500 this one as Jesus. 00:49:16.500 --> 00:49:19.500 I don't know. 00:49:19.500 --> 00:49:21.500 That's the word. 00:49:21.500 --> 00:49:23.500 You judge your mother through. 00:49:23.500 --> 00:49:25.500 I said, "Well, what is that through? 00:49:25.500 --> 00:49:28.500 Can you quote me in the relations file? 00:49:28.500 --> 00:49:31.500 What is the through?" 00:49:31.500 --> 00:49:36.500 Well, you can't quote that. 00:49:36.500 --> 00:49:41.500 Oh, Duncan's sitting at a real dispute with this girl, 00:49:41.500 --> 00:49:46.500 a TikTok, or Twitch, or streaming. 00:49:46.500 --> 00:49:47.500 I don't know. 00:49:47.500 --> 00:49:50.500 Her name was like 80 is something. 00:49:50.500 --> 00:49:52.500 Some guy was walking around talking about like, 00:49:52.500 --> 00:49:53.500 "Oh, this is a sin. 00:49:53.500 --> 00:49:55.500 This Bible says you can't do this. 00:49:55.500 --> 00:49:56.500 You can't do that." 00:49:56.500 --> 00:49:57.500 She's like, "All right. 00:49:57.500 --> 00:49:58.500 Tell me the scripture of Word. 00:49:58.500 --> 00:50:01.500 It says how to get saved." 00:50:01.500 --> 00:50:03.500 I just kind of broke. 00:50:03.500 --> 00:50:05.500 What about the one that tells you, like, 00:50:05.500 --> 00:50:08.500 about your love by Jesus? 00:50:08.500 --> 00:50:10.500 Tell me the one that I feel would be like, 00:50:10.500 --> 00:50:11.500 basically this, like, "All right, 00:50:11.500 --> 00:50:13.500 quote the fruit to me." 00:50:13.500 --> 00:50:15.500 She's like, "Do you quote all the bad ones? 00:50:15.500 --> 00:50:18.500 What can't you just quote how you're loved?" 00:50:18.500 --> 00:50:21.500 Then I told her to speak. 00:50:21.500 --> 00:50:26.500 How do you know if any of us are in Christ 00:50:26.500 --> 00:50:30.500 if you don't even know what the fruit looks like? 00:50:30.500 --> 00:50:34.500 What the fruit is of joy. 00:50:34.500 --> 00:50:36.500 Thanks. 00:50:36.500 --> 00:50:38.500 Love, suffering. 00:50:38.500 --> 00:50:41.500 Like, "Do you even know what it is?" 00:50:41.500 --> 00:50:43.500 See, I'm knowing that many of these people are doing that. 00:50:43.500 --> 00:50:45.500 But if you'd like to come in and experience some love, 00:50:45.500 --> 00:50:47.500 some joy, some things, some kindness, 00:50:47.500 --> 00:50:51.500 I'd like you to find it. 00:50:51.500 --> 00:50:54.500 'Cause that's... 00:50:54.500 --> 00:50:56.500 Amen. 00:50:56.500 --> 00:51:00.500 And I think this is a place where I get to experience it myself. 00:51:00.500 --> 00:51:05.500 And hearing stories where other people experience it. 00:51:05.500 --> 00:51:08.500 We're okay. 00:51:08.500 --> 00:51:10.500 We're right there. 00:51:10.500 --> 00:51:13.500 I'm just kidding. 00:51:13.500 --> 00:51:15.500 Yeah. 00:51:15.500 --> 00:51:17.500 He said, "You know, if you teach the truth, 00:51:17.500 --> 00:51:19.500 I mean, you're not going to be popular. 00:51:19.500 --> 00:51:21.500 You're not going to have a ton of people." 00:51:21.500 --> 00:51:24.500 And I said, "You haven't walked into the church yet." 00:51:24.500 --> 00:51:26.500 I'm not very popular. 00:51:26.500 --> 00:51:28.500 We don't have a lot of people. 00:51:28.500 --> 00:51:31.500 I love you for the truth. 00:51:31.500 --> 00:51:36.500 [laughter] 00:51:36.500 --> 00:51:43.500 [indistinct chatter] 00:51:43.500 --> 00:51:45.500 I love this place. 00:51:45.500 --> 00:51:47.500 I love this community. 00:51:47.500 --> 00:51:51.500 Hearing stories just warms my heart. 00:51:51.500 --> 00:51:54.500 I love being like, "I talked to Les and she's like, 00:51:54.500 --> 00:51:56.500 "How else can we run?" 00:51:56.500 --> 00:51:59.500 I'm like, "I've done, like, PowerPoint stuff in school, 00:51:59.500 --> 00:52:01.500 but are you kidding? 00:52:01.500 --> 00:52:05.500 What the heck?" 00:52:05.500 --> 00:52:10.500 Should you preach every week? 00:52:10.500 --> 00:52:11.500 You're lucky. 00:52:11.500 --> 00:52:13.500 That's sorry. 00:52:13.500 --> 00:52:15.500 You still don't know all. 00:52:15.500 --> 00:52:16.500 You're lovely. 00:52:16.500 --> 00:52:17.500 Here. 00:52:17.500 --> 00:52:21.500 [indistinct chatter] 00:52:21.500 --> 00:52:22.500 She mentioned it. 00:52:22.500 --> 00:52:24.500 John Lynch says, 00:52:24.500 --> 00:52:26.500 you're going to be like tweaked a little bit. 00:52:26.500 --> 00:52:29.500 We'd like to say that you want to be a place where 00:52:29.500 --> 00:52:31.500 you're going to have to hide. 00:52:31.500 --> 00:52:33.500 You can share the worst of you. 00:52:33.500 --> 00:52:39.500 You'll be a little more, not less, than sharing that. 00:52:39.500 --> 00:52:42.500 I think that's what real love is. 00:52:42.500 --> 00:52:45.500 Real love moves closer. 00:52:45.500 --> 00:52:49.500 So, the invitation of this old thing is stories. 00:52:49.500 --> 00:52:52.500 It's a experience that it's called now. 00:52:52.500 --> 00:52:56.500 It moves closer to love each other well. 00:52:56.500 --> 00:52:57.500 Every single week. 00:52:57.500 --> 00:53:02.500 The close of this is, I think it is what the fruit looks like 00:53:02.500 --> 00:53:04.500 through us. 00:53:04.500 --> 00:53:08.500 It's going to look well because it's who you're making me. 00:53:08.500 --> 00:53:11.500 It's going to do that to our local love people. 00:53:11.500 --> 00:53:14.500 It's going to experience eternal love. 00:53:14.500 --> 00:53:16.500 We'll see you next week. 00:53:16.500 --> 00:53:17.500 [applause]