1 00:00:04,879 --> 00:00:06,819 Hi. I'm Emily Ladau. 2 00:00:07,200 --> 00:00:08,660 And I'm Kyle Kachidorian. 3 00:00:09,359 --> 00:00:11,359 And you're listening to another episode of the 4 00:00:11,359 --> 00:00:14,315 Accessible Stall. We're gonna talk about how we 5 00:00:14,315 --> 00:00:16,015 found our partners. Right, Emily? 6 00:00:17,435 --> 00:00:18,875 Okay. So what are we gonna talk about 7 00:00:18,875 --> 00:00:19,614 today, Emily? 8 00:00:22,635 --> 00:00:24,414 Well, first of all, wait. Okay. 9 00:00:24,969 --> 00:00:26,750 Before we get to 10 00:00:27,289 --> 00:00:27,789 relationships 11 00:00:28,089 --> 00:00:29,629 and such, let's talk about, 12 00:00:31,449 --> 00:00:33,390 Super Bowl recap real quick. 13 00:00:33,850 --> 00:00:34,670 Go Hawks. 14 00:00:36,009 --> 00:00:36,509 I 15 00:00:37,524 --> 00:00:39,545 do not care about football. 16 00:00:40,804 --> 00:00:42,725 I only care about the Seahawks. I'm so 17 00:00:42,725 --> 00:00:44,645 happy that they won. It was the most 18 00:00:44,645 --> 00:00:46,804 boring game of football I've ever watched in 19 00:00:46,804 --> 00:00:48,664 my life. They eked out those points, 20 00:00:49,365 --> 00:00:51,204 but it was it was fun to watch 21 00:00:51,204 --> 00:00:52,344 the Patriots lose. 22 00:00:53,500 --> 00:00:54,000 I 23 00:00:55,100 --> 00:00:57,500 enjoyed the halftime show. I watched it for 24 00:00:57,500 --> 00:00:58,799 the halftime show. 25 00:00:59,340 --> 00:01:01,820 That was all I cared about. I don't 26 00:01:01,820 --> 00:01:03,200 understand sports ball. 27 00:01:04,219 --> 00:01:05,280 I don't know how 28 00:01:05,984 --> 00:01:08,625 Bad Bunny managed to transform that stadium into 29 00:01:08,625 --> 00:01:11,105 the sugarcane fields of Puerto Rico. That was, 30 00:01:11,105 --> 00:01:12,704 I think, the most impressive part of what 31 00:01:12,704 --> 00:01:14,625 he what he did. I also really thought 32 00:01:14,625 --> 00:01:17,045 the symbolism of him literally crashing into the 33 00:01:17,185 --> 00:01:19,105 into the living room of white America was 34 00:01:19,105 --> 00:01:20,165 so on the nose. 35 00:01:20,704 --> 00:01:21,605 Like, it was, 36 00:01:22,439 --> 00:01:23,500 yeah, it was great. 37 00:01:23,880 --> 00:01:25,719 I really think about it was on the 38 00:01:25,719 --> 00:01:26,219 nose. 39 00:01:26,680 --> 00:01:28,359 The audio on on the feed we were 40 00:01:28,359 --> 00:01:30,040 watching was so bad, but they fixed it 41 00:01:30,040 --> 00:01:31,180 on the YouTube version. 42 00:01:33,239 --> 00:01:35,260 So I Again We were watching 43 00:01:36,200 --> 00:01:36,700 on, 44 00:01:37,079 --> 00:01:37,579 like, 45 00:01:37,984 --> 00:01:40,784 a television channel, you know, like the old 46 00:01:40,784 --> 00:01:43,265 school people do. We were we were streaming 47 00:01:43,265 --> 00:01:44,864 it, but it was I mean, it's fine. 48 00:01:44,864 --> 00:01:47,525 It's fine. It was just, like, notably bad, 49 00:01:47,905 --> 00:01:49,444 but I love Bad Bunny. 50 00:01:51,170 --> 00:01:52,629 DCMF was a great album, 51 00:01:53,170 --> 00:01:55,170 and he deserves every bit of praise he 52 00:01:55,170 --> 00:01:55,670 gets. 53 00:01:56,689 --> 00:01:57,509 I also 54 00:01:57,969 --> 00:01:59,810 think we would be remiss if we didn't 55 00:01:59,810 --> 00:02:02,390 mention the fact that that couple got married 56 00:02:02,609 --> 00:02:04,709 for real. Real marriage 57 00:02:05,250 --> 00:02:07,605 at the Super Bowl halftime show. What then 58 00:02:07,605 --> 00:02:08,504 do you know the story? 59 00:02:09,685 --> 00:02:11,944 I think I read that, like, they invited 60 00:02:12,004 --> 00:02:13,145 him to their wedding, 61 00:02:13,525 --> 00:02:15,044 and he was like, nah. How much do 62 00:02:15,044 --> 00:02:15,865 you get in it? 63 00:02:17,125 --> 00:02:19,544 Yeah. Which is, like, come on, man. 64 00:02:20,479 --> 00:02:20,979 You 65 00:02:21,359 --> 00:02:22,579 that's, like, aura 66 00:02:22,959 --> 00:02:25,299 that shouldn't exist. That's, like, powerful. 67 00:02:26,639 --> 00:02:27,139 Honestly, 68 00:02:27,599 --> 00:02:31,219 so cool. My absolute favorite part just because 69 00:02:31,439 --> 00:02:32,340 I felt like, 70 00:02:33,115 --> 00:02:35,514 how can you argue with that happiness? Like, 71 00:02:35,514 --> 00:02:38,254 what a miserable person you must be. 72 00:02:38,555 --> 00:02:40,155 Did you see the sports hoping that it 73 00:02:40,155 --> 00:02:42,155 make you happy. Did you see the sports 74 00:02:42,155 --> 00:02:45,115 center Instagram story? So No. Bad Bunny at 75 00:02:45,115 --> 00:02:46,395 the end of the Super Bowl. He had 76 00:02:46,395 --> 00:02:47,215 a large, 77 00:02:49,330 --> 00:02:51,169 digital sign that said, the only thing greater 78 00:02:51,169 --> 00:02:52,610 than hate is love, or the only thing 79 00:02:52,610 --> 00:02:54,930 more powerful than hate is love. But the 80 00:02:54,930 --> 00:02:57,590 sports SportsCenter official account wrote, 81 00:02:57,889 --> 00:02:59,569 the only thing more powerful than love is 82 00:02:59,569 --> 00:03:02,290 hate. Like, it was just an unfortunate typo. 83 00:03:02,290 --> 00:03:03,810 Like, the guy the person who was doing 84 00:03:03,810 --> 00:03:06,014 it just clearly it was not on purpose. 85 00:03:06,014 --> 00:03:07,935 It was just, like, a mistake, but people 86 00:03:07,935 --> 00:03:09,935 caught it. It was an I'm just saying, 87 00:03:09,935 --> 00:03:10,974 if you ever think you have a bad 88 00:03:10,974 --> 00:03:12,194 day at work, you didn't. 89 00:03:14,254 --> 00:03:14,915 You know, 90 00:03:15,854 --> 00:03:17,669 that's as long as it's a typo, it's 91 00:03:17,669 --> 00:03:20,330 fine. But I also feel like that is 92 00:03:20,709 --> 00:03:21,610 what You couldn't, 93 00:03:21,989 --> 00:03:22,469 maybe. 94 00:03:22,949 --> 00:03:24,569 MAGA would say. So 95 00:03:25,989 --> 00:03:27,049 Yeah. But anyway, 96 00:03:27,349 --> 00:03:30,474 the reason that the wedding, I think, resonates 97 00:03:30,474 --> 00:03:32,895 for me in particular is just because, 98 00:03:33,435 --> 00:03:35,115 I guess, we've got love on the brain 99 00:03:35,115 --> 00:03:37,754 because that's what we're talking about today. So 100 00:03:37,754 --> 00:03:39,375 I love baby. Let's go. 101 00:03:39,915 --> 00:03:40,415 Okay. 102 00:03:40,795 --> 00:03:41,295 So 103 00:03:42,250 --> 00:03:43,689 why did we say we were returning this 104 00:03:43,689 --> 00:03:45,610 episode? I know there was a reason. Oh, 105 00:03:45,610 --> 00:03:47,530 because in the last ten minutes of her 106 00:03:47,530 --> 00:03:50,110 last one, we started to talk about, like, 107 00:03:50,169 --> 00:03:51,610 how people came up to you or how 108 00:03:51,610 --> 00:03:53,370 people were asking you now that you've gotten 109 00:03:53,370 --> 00:03:53,870 married, 110 00:03:54,330 --> 00:03:55,709 how you found your husband. 111 00:03:57,745 --> 00:03:58,245 And 112 00:03:59,185 --> 00:04:00,965 how you just had never really 113 00:04:01,905 --> 00:04:03,824 like, that was a type of information you 114 00:04:03,824 --> 00:04:05,525 didn't know that you could give to people. 115 00:04:07,105 --> 00:04:07,605 Well, 116 00:04:07,985 --> 00:04:11,044 I'm thinking of one instance in particular where 117 00:04:11,185 --> 00:04:11,520 this 118 00:04:12,480 --> 00:04:15,139 guy that I met who works for 119 00:04:15,760 --> 00:04:17,300 a major corporation, 120 00:04:19,759 --> 00:04:20,259 really 121 00:04:20,879 --> 00:04:22,420 lovely human being, 122 00:04:23,199 --> 00:04:24,259 pulled me aside 123 00:04:24,639 --> 00:04:27,220 at some kind of, like, happy hour event 124 00:04:27,279 --> 00:04:29,334 and was like, can you give me advice 125 00:04:29,334 --> 00:04:31,574 on how I can find someone? I've been 126 00:04:31,574 --> 00:04:34,074 looking and I just can't find anyone. 127 00:04:34,774 --> 00:04:35,274 And 128 00:04:36,535 --> 00:04:39,834 I think in that moment, I was like, 129 00:04:40,774 --> 00:04:41,595 you're like 130 00:04:42,259 --> 00:04:45,000 a good looking guy with a nice job, 131 00:04:45,699 --> 00:04:46,199 and 132 00:04:46,580 --> 00:04:48,120 you're, you know, 133 00:04:48,500 --> 00:04:49,560 seemingly kind, 134 00:04:50,900 --> 00:04:53,000 and you're coming to 135 00:04:53,540 --> 00:04:56,024 me at a work happy hour to ask 136 00:04:56,024 --> 00:04:57,564 me how to find 137 00:04:58,264 --> 00:04:59,485 the love of your life 138 00:05:00,024 --> 00:05:02,044 because I happen to be 139 00:05:02,504 --> 00:05:04,925 an engaged lady. And I'm just like, 140 00:05:05,544 --> 00:05:06,044 I 141 00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:09,399 I actually am not sure I have tips 142 00:05:09,399 --> 00:05:10,839 for you, but, you know 143 00:05:11,720 --> 00:05:14,120 I have one. Maybe not do maybe don't 144 00:05:14,120 --> 00:05:16,300 do that. For starters, maybe 145 00:05:16,680 --> 00:05:18,379 maybe you don't do that at functions. 146 00:05:19,639 --> 00:05:20,699 A good way to 147 00:05:21,314 --> 00:05:23,074 be very off putting to anyone you come 148 00:05:23,074 --> 00:05:25,235 across. That's the vibe you bring to the 149 00:05:25,235 --> 00:05:25,735 function. 150 00:05:26,354 --> 00:05:29,074 Yes. Not me. But that is No. Not 151 00:05:29,074 --> 00:05:29,974 you. Not you. 152 00:05:31,154 --> 00:05:33,154 No. But I think I think I think 153 00:05:33,154 --> 00:05:35,639 people can sense I don't wanna say desperation, 154 00:05:35,639 --> 00:05:37,899 but, like, you know when someone is, like, 155 00:05:37,959 --> 00:05:40,199 single and you can you can just tell 156 00:05:40,199 --> 00:05:42,040 that they just wanna meet a human being? 157 00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:43,399 And there's nothing wrong with that. But, like, 158 00:05:43,399 --> 00:05:45,319 they give off a vibe. And I think 159 00:05:45,319 --> 00:05:47,000 that vibe is off putting in their own 160 00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:47,500 context. 161 00:05:48,855 --> 00:05:49,915 I think that 162 00:05:50,295 --> 00:05:52,214 we have to talk about this specifically in 163 00:05:52,214 --> 00:05:53,435 the context of disability 164 00:05:53,894 --> 00:05:54,394 because 165 00:05:55,014 --> 00:05:56,154 I think there's 166 00:05:57,014 --> 00:05:58,794 a layer of it where 167 00:05:59,254 --> 00:06:02,949 because disability makes it more challenging to meet 168 00:06:02,949 --> 00:06:03,449 someone. 169 00:06:04,709 --> 00:06:05,689 I understand 170 00:06:06,310 --> 00:06:09,050 where that sense of desperation comes from. 171 00:06:09,430 --> 00:06:11,269 I feel like I have felt it at 172 00:06:11,269 --> 00:06:13,449 certain points in my life, but 173 00:06:13,855 --> 00:06:16,014 you're absolutely right that when you start to 174 00:06:16,014 --> 00:06:17,634 give off that vibe, 175 00:06:18,254 --> 00:06:19,074 that's when 176 00:06:19,455 --> 00:06:20,115 I think 177 00:06:21,134 --> 00:06:22,754 you run into problems 178 00:06:23,295 --> 00:06:23,795 because 179 00:06:24,495 --> 00:06:26,720 you seem like you just wanna 180 00:06:27,020 --> 00:06:29,279 date anyone with a pulse. 181 00:06:30,300 --> 00:06:32,480 And, like, I completely understand 182 00:06:33,420 --> 00:06:34,960 the desire for companionship, 183 00:06:35,980 --> 00:06:36,480 but 184 00:06:37,259 --> 00:06:39,420 when you give off the vibe that you're 185 00:06:39,420 --> 00:06:42,014 just looking for anyone and you're not looking 186 00:06:42,014 --> 00:06:42,834 for someone 187 00:06:43,535 --> 00:06:45,134 do you know what I mean? Mhmm. Yes, 188 00:06:45,134 --> 00:06:45,794 I do. 189 00:06:46,414 --> 00:06:46,914 There's 190 00:06:48,334 --> 00:06:48,995 a real 191 00:06:50,654 --> 00:06:52,354 chance that that's going to backfire. 192 00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:54,839 And, like, I say this from personal experience 193 00:06:54,839 --> 00:06:58,120 quite honestly because I would go to a 194 00:06:58,120 --> 00:06:59,019 lot of 195 00:06:59,399 --> 00:07:02,220 events and conferences and things for work and, 196 00:07:02,360 --> 00:07:03,019 you know, 197 00:07:03,399 --> 00:07:05,800 especially in the moments when I was single, 198 00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:07,959 like, I'd be looking around and I'd just 199 00:07:07,959 --> 00:07:11,074 be like, oh, he's cute. He's cute. Whatever. 200 00:07:11,074 --> 00:07:12,834 Like, I'll talk to him. Like, I could 201 00:07:12,834 --> 00:07:15,095 have a crush on him. Sure. You know? 202 00:07:15,394 --> 00:07:15,894 But 203 00:07:16,675 --> 00:07:17,814 that is 204 00:07:18,274 --> 00:07:20,295 not the same as, like, 205 00:07:21,235 --> 00:07:21,735 forging 206 00:07:22,115 --> 00:07:22,935 human connection. 207 00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:26,180 No. But I think there is 208 00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:27,699 to that point. 209 00:07:28,720 --> 00:07:30,259 That is kinda how it starts 210 00:07:30,639 --> 00:07:32,100 if you're meeting a stranger. 211 00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:34,020 But 212 00:07:35,040 --> 00:07:36,819 you're not on a level playing field 213 00:07:37,225 --> 00:07:39,064 at a work event in the same way 214 00:07:39,064 --> 00:07:41,064 that you might be on a dating app 215 00:07:41,064 --> 00:07:43,165 where, like, you know that you're both 216 00:07:43,545 --> 00:07:46,185 potentially looking for someone, and you know that 217 00:07:46,185 --> 00:07:47,324 you're both at least 218 00:07:48,105 --> 00:07:49,404 surface level compatible. 219 00:07:50,345 --> 00:07:50,845 So, 220 00:07:51,930 --> 00:07:53,449 yeah. I don't know. It it's a weird 221 00:07:53,449 --> 00:07:55,050 spot to be in when you're 222 00:07:57,610 --> 00:07:58,810 I don't know. When you see a cute 223 00:07:58,810 --> 00:08:00,250 stranger and you're like, oh, I wanna talk 224 00:08:00,250 --> 00:08:02,490 to them. It's not something that I've really 225 00:08:02,490 --> 00:08:03,230 ever done 226 00:08:03,944 --> 00:08:06,104 without some kind of no. No. Without some 227 00:08:06,104 --> 00:08:08,425 kind of, like, either reason or someone I 228 00:08:08,425 --> 00:08:10,764 know knew them or something like that. 229 00:08:11,704 --> 00:08:13,004 So I don't yeah. 230 00:08:13,464 --> 00:08:15,245 I have done that, 231 00:08:15,704 --> 00:08:17,404 but it's been a while. 232 00:08:17,784 --> 00:08:19,485 Unkind of I'm a married lady. 233 00:08:20,459 --> 00:08:22,959 But if I think back to 234 00:08:23,740 --> 00:08:25,600 my first serious relationship, 235 00:08:26,379 --> 00:08:28,540 who, as it happens, I met him the 236 00:08:28,540 --> 00:08:29,920 same day I met you. 237 00:08:30,300 --> 00:08:31,600 Oh, it's so good. 238 00:08:33,179 --> 00:08:34,000 So good. 239 00:08:36,184 --> 00:08:38,745 But let me tell you, that was my 240 00:08:38,745 --> 00:08:39,644 day of being 241 00:08:39,945 --> 00:08:42,605 brave and talking to a cute boy. 242 00:08:43,304 --> 00:08:43,784 And, 243 00:08:44,345 --> 00:08:46,105 then I dated him for two years. Yeah. 244 00:08:46,105 --> 00:08:47,705 But even in that case, you knew people 245 00:08:47,705 --> 00:08:49,539 who knew him. He wasn't he was a 246 00:08:49,539 --> 00:08:51,139 stranger to you, but he wasn't like a 247 00:08:51,139 --> 00:08:52,519 cold call kind of thing. 248 00:08:53,220 --> 00:08:55,799 Totally. No. That's true. That's true. 249 00:08:56,339 --> 00:08:59,139 Also, there was less of, like, sliding into 250 00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:01,220 your DMs because this was, like, well over 251 00:09:01,220 --> 00:09:02,820 a decade ago. So that was 252 00:09:03,620 --> 00:09:04,815 Dude, it's 253 00:09:06,235 --> 00:09:06,735 it's 254 00:09:07,355 --> 00:09:08,975 weird how, like, 255 00:09:10,315 --> 00:09:12,394 what it means to not I guess, not 256 00:09:12,394 --> 00:09:14,894 being a relationship, but, like, what, how broadly 257 00:09:15,035 --> 00:09:17,375 the word relationship has come to mean 258 00:09:18,529 --> 00:09:21,089 what it means. Like, it it is umbrellaed 259 00:09:21,089 --> 00:09:22,389 into, like, this enormous 260 00:09:23,169 --> 00:09:24,769 term that can mean so many types of 261 00:09:24,769 --> 00:09:26,209 things that, like some of which I would 262 00:09:26,209 --> 00:09:27,269 never call a relationship. 263 00:09:27,970 --> 00:09:30,470 Yeah. Totally. Like, if you unironically use situationship, 264 00:09:30,769 --> 00:09:32,470 you're not ready to date, seriously. 265 00:09:33,174 --> 00:09:34,695 It's funny because that's the word that popped 266 00:09:34,695 --> 00:09:35,514 into my head. 267 00:09:37,495 --> 00:09:39,434 But in terms of, like, actual 268 00:09:39,815 --> 00:09:41,035 concrete tips, 269 00:09:41,495 --> 00:09:43,674 I mean, I think that for me, 270 00:09:44,615 --> 00:09:45,115 especially 271 00:09:45,415 --> 00:09:48,315 in the context of dating apps, 272 00:09:49,470 --> 00:09:52,129 my biggest tip is to be straightforward 273 00:09:52,750 --> 00:09:53,730 and to not 274 00:09:54,429 --> 00:09:57,870 hide aspects of yourself and then drop them 275 00:09:57,870 --> 00:09:58,610 on people 276 00:09:58,990 --> 00:10:00,610 like a bomb, because 277 00:10:01,634 --> 00:10:04,675 that was my original approach where I would 278 00:10:04,675 --> 00:10:05,415 be like, 279 00:10:06,035 --> 00:10:07,715 oh, and by the way, now that we've 280 00:10:07,715 --> 00:10:10,115 been talking and seem like we're hitting it 281 00:10:10,115 --> 00:10:11,795 off, I should tell you that I'm a 282 00:10:11,795 --> 00:10:12,774 wheelchair user. 283 00:10:13,154 --> 00:10:13,894 And then 284 00:10:14,274 --> 00:10:15,254 they'd be like, 285 00:10:16,274 --> 00:10:16,774 what? 286 00:10:17,500 --> 00:10:18,720 So you stole my 287 00:10:19,259 --> 00:10:21,180 next question, but go ahead. Go ahead. That's 288 00:10:21,180 --> 00:10:23,440 a you problem, not a me problem. 289 00:10:24,139 --> 00:10:27,019 Like, you're reacting like that. But, also, I 290 00:10:27,019 --> 00:10:28,320 kind of get it because 291 00:10:28,700 --> 00:10:29,519 it's like, 292 00:10:31,184 --> 00:10:34,164 if I felt this need to hide something 293 00:10:35,024 --> 00:10:35,924 about myself, 294 00:10:37,105 --> 00:10:38,964 I'm not starting off 295 00:10:39,424 --> 00:10:40,565 the right way anyway. 296 00:10:41,264 --> 00:10:42,804 I don't know about that. 297 00:10:43,259 --> 00:10:44,700 I don't know about that. To me, it 298 00:10:44,700 --> 00:10:46,399 would be like, you know the world's enablers 299 00:10:46,779 --> 00:10:48,080 place, and you're, like, 300 00:10:48,460 --> 00:10:50,220 presenting yourself in a in a way that, 301 00:10:50,220 --> 00:10:51,899 like, yes, is not authentic. Yes. It's a 302 00:10:51,899 --> 00:10:53,740 little white lie, but you are you're doing 303 00:10:53,740 --> 00:10:55,019 it in the context of a world that 304 00:10:55,019 --> 00:10:56,779 doesn't like people like us. I don't think 305 00:10:56,779 --> 00:10:58,000 that counts. But 306 00:10:58,304 --> 00:11:00,225 I have a question for you. Okay. Everything 307 00:11:00,225 --> 00:11:02,225 you just said, did you disclose? Because I 308 00:11:02,225 --> 00:11:04,065 can see a world where you didn't, like, 309 00:11:04,065 --> 00:11:05,985 spell it out, but you have pictures of 310 00:11:05,985 --> 00:11:06,485 yourself 311 00:11:06,945 --> 00:11:07,445 that 312 00:11:07,985 --> 00:11:10,245 have you in a wheelchair because that's just 313 00:11:10,544 --> 00:11:12,384 how you navigate the world, and you didn't, 314 00:11:12,384 --> 00:11:13,320 like, say it. 315 00:11:13,799 --> 00:11:15,160 I could also see a world where you 316 00:11:15,160 --> 00:11:17,399 did spell it out and also have pictures 317 00:11:17,399 --> 00:11:18,539 of your in your wheelchair. 318 00:11:19,160 --> 00:11:20,919 Because I think you in pictures is a 319 00:11:20,919 --> 00:11:23,080 disclosure, but I don't know if men on 320 00:11:23,080 --> 00:11:24,679 dating apps would would find that to be 321 00:11:24,679 --> 00:11:27,320 true. You'd be surprised how much men miss 322 00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:29,184 on dating apps. But Well, they don't really 323 00:11:30,865 --> 00:11:31,605 I mean 324 00:11:32,065 --> 00:11:35,105 so at first, I, like, left it out 325 00:11:35,105 --> 00:11:35,605 entirely 326 00:11:36,304 --> 00:11:38,544 and cropped it out of my photos. No 327 00:11:38,544 --> 00:11:39,764 mention on my profile. 328 00:11:40,384 --> 00:11:40,884 Interesting. 329 00:11:41,570 --> 00:11:43,570 Something like that. Yeah. No. There's like a 330 00:11:43,570 --> 00:11:44,950 progression for sure. 331 00:11:45,330 --> 00:11:45,830 Then 332 00:11:48,450 --> 00:11:48,950 finally, 333 00:11:49,570 --> 00:11:50,070 I 334 00:11:50,529 --> 00:11:53,409 started to, like, hint at it in my 335 00:11:53,409 --> 00:11:55,110 profile. I think that OkCupid 336 00:11:55,490 --> 00:11:56,789 used to have something 337 00:11:57,154 --> 00:11:58,855 that was like, oh, 338 00:11:59,315 --> 00:12:02,035 what six things can't you live without? And 339 00:12:02,035 --> 00:12:03,715 so I was like, the invention of the 340 00:12:03,715 --> 00:12:04,215 wheel. 341 00:12:06,674 --> 00:12:07,335 You know? 342 00:12:07,715 --> 00:12:08,455 And then, 343 00:12:10,274 --> 00:12:10,774 finally, 344 00:12:11,475 --> 00:12:12,294 I started 345 00:12:13,179 --> 00:12:14,320 putting it in pictures. 346 00:12:15,740 --> 00:12:18,220 And then I, like, wrote a whole thing 347 00:12:18,220 --> 00:12:20,559 out about it in my profile 348 00:12:21,500 --> 00:12:22,000 where 349 00:12:22,379 --> 00:12:24,000 I was trying to, like, 350 00:12:24,860 --> 00:12:27,205 convince people that they should get to know 351 00:12:27,205 --> 00:12:29,225 me for me and not let my disability 352 00:12:29,684 --> 00:12:31,544 be something that stopped them. 353 00:12:32,084 --> 00:12:34,325 And then How do you feel about that 354 00:12:34,325 --> 00:12:34,825 now? 355 00:12:35,284 --> 00:12:37,945 What? How do you feel about that statement 356 00:12:38,004 --> 00:12:38,504 now? 357 00:12:39,830 --> 00:12:41,909 That was, like, me doing the most. That 358 00:12:41,909 --> 00:12:43,350 was so extra. Like 359 00:12:44,149 --> 00:12:47,190 Okay. At this point. But also, it was 360 00:12:47,190 --> 00:12:49,110 a product of the time too because on 361 00:12:49,110 --> 00:12:49,610 OkCupid, 362 00:12:50,629 --> 00:12:52,330 the point was to be verbose. 363 00:12:53,110 --> 00:12:53,610 Like, 364 00:12:54,204 --> 00:12:56,365 God, I know it's so different now. Have 365 00:12:56,365 --> 00:12:56,865 more. 366 00:12:58,284 --> 00:13:00,065 Then I started using Hinge 367 00:13:00,684 --> 00:13:01,745 and on Hinge, 368 00:13:02,204 --> 00:13:05,404 it's like use less, like say less, don't 369 00:13:05,404 --> 00:13:07,860 say very much. You know, in your profile. 370 00:13:07,860 --> 00:13:09,159 Like, it's very straightforward 371 00:13:09,860 --> 00:13:11,320 what the questions were. 372 00:13:11,779 --> 00:13:12,279 And 373 00:13:12,820 --> 00:13:14,259 so I think at that point, it was 374 00:13:14,259 --> 00:13:15,799 like, on my 375 00:13:16,419 --> 00:13:18,120 profile in the sense of, like, 376 00:13:18,595 --> 00:13:19,975 you can see it in the picture, 377 00:13:20,514 --> 00:13:22,195 and I say that I live life on 378 00:13:22,195 --> 00:13:22,695 wheels. 379 00:13:24,355 --> 00:13:26,375 I just feel like it's a literacy test, 380 00:13:26,835 --> 00:13:29,475 which I think which I disagree with as, 381 00:13:29,475 --> 00:13:31,554 like, a policy position, but I do agree 382 00:13:31,554 --> 00:13:33,174 with as a dating app position. 383 00:13:36,009 --> 00:13:38,089 Wait. It's different for you than for me 384 00:13:38,089 --> 00:13:40,190 because no picture Yeah. Disclose 385 00:13:40,649 --> 00:13:42,490 that you have a disability. So what did 386 00:13:42,490 --> 00:13:43,149 you do? 387 00:13:43,769 --> 00:13:45,069 Oh, that's a great question. 388 00:13:46,490 --> 00:13:47,205 I didn't. 389 00:13:48,245 --> 00:13:49,465 I I didn't disclose. 390 00:13:49,845 --> 00:13:51,384 I didn't disclose at all. 391 00:13:52,404 --> 00:13:53,865 It's funny though. I 392 00:13:55,764 --> 00:13:58,804 Katie, she I told her immediately, and and 393 00:13:58,804 --> 00:14:00,644 it was partially because I I there was 394 00:14:00,644 --> 00:14:01,684 something about her that I was like, oh, 395 00:14:01,684 --> 00:14:02,730 this is a cool person. 396 00:14:03,850 --> 00:14:06,589 But the more true at the time answer 397 00:14:07,049 --> 00:14:08,490 is that I had a bad pain day 398 00:14:08,490 --> 00:14:09,529 on the day that was supposed to be 399 00:14:09,529 --> 00:14:10,570 our first date. So I was like, hey. 400 00:14:10,570 --> 00:14:11,850 Look. I know this is I know how 401 00:14:11,850 --> 00:14:12,750 this is gonna sound, 402 00:14:13,449 --> 00:14:15,370 but I need to reschedule for the exact 403 00:14:15,370 --> 00:14:16,509 same time tomorrow. 404 00:14:17,324 --> 00:14:19,245 Please don't look in don't think too hard 405 00:14:19,245 --> 00:14:21,804 about this. I promise I'm still gonna be 406 00:14:21,804 --> 00:14:23,644 there. And she was like, yep. Cool. See 407 00:14:23,644 --> 00:14:24,225 you then. 408 00:14:25,084 --> 00:14:26,225 And that 409 00:14:27,164 --> 00:14:28,764 I obviously didn't know it at the time, 410 00:14:28,764 --> 00:14:30,179 but that was like, oh, 411 00:14:30,740 --> 00:14:33,059 okay. Like, I didn't need to really disclose 412 00:14:33,059 --> 00:14:34,980 anything, but bad pain day is pretty 413 00:14:35,539 --> 00:14:36,899 you don't need to know what I got 414 00:14:36,899 --> 00:14:38,200 to know that I got something. 415 00:14:38,899 --> 00:14:39,399 And 416 00:14:39,860 --> 00:14:41,480 the fact that she was just like, whatever, 417 00:14:41,539 --> 00:14:42,360 was, like, 418 00:14:42,884 --> 00:14:43,625 really nice. 419 00:14:45,045 --> 00:14:46,665 That is such a green flag. 420 00:14:47,285 --> 00:14:47,945 I know. 421 00:14:48,485 --> 00:14:49,304 So sick. 422 00:14:50,004 --> 00:14:51,144 Yeah. See, 423 00:14:51,764 --> 00:14:53,065 that's so interesting 424 00:14:53,524 --> 00:14:54,264 to me 425 00:14:54,725 --> 00:14:55,225 because 426 00:14:57,620 --> 00:14:58,360 my disclosure 427 00:14:59,059 --> 00:15:00,600 came out in, like, 428 00:15:01,139 --> 00:15:04,340 bits and pieces sometimes. Like, I'd have to 429 00:15:04,340 --> 00:15:06,100 actively, if I was planning a date with 430 00:15:06,100 --> 00:15:07,940 someone, be like, and by the way, it 431 00:15:07,940 --> 00:15:10,264 needs to be wheelchair accessible. You know? Like 432 00:15:10,545 --> 00:15:12,384 Is that a bit and piece to you 433 00:15:12,384 --> 00:15:13,264 if someone says 434 00:15:13,985 --> 00:15:15,904 Because I feel like people really do not 435 00:15:15,904 --> 00:15:17,985 think about this. They, like, see the wheelchair 436 00:15:17,985 --> 00:15:19,365 and, like, don't make the connection. 437 00:15:20,144 --> 00:15:21,125 Alright. Okay. 438 00:15:21,425 --> 00:15:23,345 Seriously. I believe you. I believe you. It's 439 00:15:23,345 --> 00:15:24,085 just that's 440 00:15:24,785 --> 00:15:26,159 wild is all. 441 00:15:26,539 --> 00:15:29,419 Yeah. So but for you, I feel like 442 00:15:29,419 --> 00:15:31,659 that was yeah. Maybe a disclosure of something, 443 00:15:31,659 --> 00:15:33,500 but you weren't like and I have CP 444 00:15:33,500 --> 00:15:35,360 and, like so so you didn't 445 00:15:35,980 --> 00:15:38,960 did you ever tell your dates beforehand, 446 00:15:39,340 --> 00:15:41,475 like, you will notice when I walk? 447 00:15:42,434 --> 00:15:42,934 No. 448 00:15:45,954 --> 00:15:46,694 Yeah. No. 449 00:15:47,315 --> 00:15:49,634 Because, like, my litmus test is if you 450 00:15:49,634 --> 00:15:51,254 can't figure it out 451 00:15:51,794 --> 00:15:52,694 on the date, 452 00:15:53,074 --> 00:15:54,054 then you're kinda 453 00:15:54,674 --> 00:15:55,174 dumb. 454 00:15:55,799 --> 00:15:56,779 Because, like, I 455 00:15:57,639 --> 00:15:59,799 I look disabled, like, when I walk. I'm 456 00:15:59,799 --> 00:16:01,720 like, if you can't if you if you 457 00:16:01,720 --> 00:16:03,320 don't have if you don't have it in 458 00:16:03,320 --> 00:16:04,700 you to ask me, 459 00:16:05,320 --> 00:16:08,039 then I'm like, you gotta believe in yourself. 460 00:16:08,039 --> 00:16:10,059 You gotta you gotta know it's okay 461 00:16:10,605 --> 00:16:14,205 to Did Katie ask you? Like, how No. 462 00:16:14,205 --> 00:16:15,565 No. But but because she was so cool 463 00:16:15,565 --> 00:16:16,764 about it, I was like, I can tell 464 00:16:16,764 --> 00:16:17,264 her. 465 00:16:18,524 --> 00:16:20,605 Like, because she was cool about the pain 466 00:16:20,605 --> 00:16:22,445 day thing, I knew I had a I 467 00:16:22,445 --> 00:16:23,565 I knew I had at least one thing 468 00:16:23,565 --> 00:16:25,085 to talk about. She's gonna wanna know what 469 00:16:25,085 --> 00:16:26,399 that meant, so I, like, brought it up 470 00:16:26,399 --> 00:16:29,139 during our first date. I did that. But 471 00:16:29,279 --> 00:16:31,519 for other matches, I didn't say anything, and 472 00:16:31,519 --> 00:16:33,279 it came up. Like, they would see you 473 00:16:33,279 --> 00:16:34,480 walk and they go, why do you walk 474 00:16:34,480 --> 00:16:36,480 like that? So one of them even said, 475 00:16:36,480 --> 00:16:37,919 why do you or do you have cerebral 476 00:16:37,919 --> 00:16:38,955 palsy? Which I was like, 477 00:16:39,514 --> 00:16:41,774 I'm a lot more interested in how you 478 00:16:41,835 --> 00:16:43,754 saw that and why you called it by 479 00:16:43,754 --> 00:16:44,975 its government name. 480 00:16:47,115 --> 00:16:49,274 Who do you know that I know? And 481 00:16:49,274 --> 00:16:51,355 it turned out, there was someone that we 482 00:16:51,355 --> 00:16:52,715 both knew. It was really weird. We all 483 00:16:52,715 --> 00:16:54,495 do know each other. Of course. 484 00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:56,700 Yeah. It was I didn't like that. 485 00:16:57,879 --> 00:16:58,379 But 486 00:16:59,160 --> 00:16:59,480 but, 487 00:17:00,759 --> 00:17:01,580 but, yeah, 488 00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:03,879 it was I didn't need to disclose too 489 00:17:03,879 --> 00:17:05,980 much. There was one person who, 490 00:17:06,279 --> 00:17:08,755 you know, we we just were instantly kinda 491 00:17:08,755 --> 00:17:10,994 like friends. You you know, you meet someone, 492 00:17:10,994 --> 00:17:12,515 it was flirty, and then we met, and 493 00:17:12,515 --> 00:17:13,875 we're just, like, hitting it off as friends. 494 00:17:13,875 --> 00:17:16,035 It was fine. But she was also very 495 00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:17,154 cool about it. She was like, oh, do 496 00:17:17,154 --> 00:17:18,115 you do you need help? You look like 497 00:17:18,115 --> 00:17:19,075 you need help. And I was like, you 498 00:17:19,075 --> 00:17:21,154 know what? I do. I do need help. 499 00:17:21,154 --> 00:17:22,980 Thank you so much for helping me. 500 00:17:25,460 --> 00:17:27,400 Yeah. I feel like it's 501 00:17:28,419 --> 00:17:30,259 it's true that it is a litmus test 502 00:17:30,259 --> 00:17:32,759 to see, like, how chill somebody is, but, 503 00:17:34,179 --> 00:17:34,919 I can't 504 00:17:35,460 --> 00:17:35,960 imagine 505 00:17:36,900 --> 00:17:37,640 for me 506 00:17:38,384 --> 00:17:40,384 showing Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. With a big 507 00:17:40,384 --> 00:17:43,184 honking piece of mobility equipment attached to my 508 00:17:43,184 --> 00:17:46,144 butt that I had never said anything about 509 00:17:46,144 --> 00:17:47,365 and being like, hello. 510 00:17:48,305 --> 00:17:49,585 Notice I think Oh, this I just got 511 00:17:49,585 --> 00:17:52,164 it yesterday. Yeah. Uh-oh. This thing? 512 00:17:52,799 --> 00:17:54,240 Yeah. Turns out I'm in this for a 513 00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:54,740 while. 514 00:17:55,759 --> 00:17:57,200 It's a lot of getting used to for 515 00:17:57,200 --> 00:17:58,099 both of us. 516 00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:00,359 So 517 00:18:01,759 --> 00:18:05,839 I mean, my but my tip here, like, 518 00:18:05,839 --> 00:18:07,859 if we're going for actual tips 519 00:18:09,174 --> 00:18:11,494 is do what feels right for you in 520 00:18:11,494 --> 00:18:12,475 terms of disclosure. 521 00:18:13,095 --> 00:18:15,115 But quite frankly, like, 522 00:18:15,494 --> 00:18:17,115 if you are 523 00:18:17,975 --> 00:18:19,115 hiding something 524 00:18:20,880 --> 00:18:21,380 and 525 00:18:21,920 --> 00:18:24,320 not willing to be honest at a certain 526 00:18:24,320 --> 00:18:24,820 point, 527 00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:25,940 then 528 00:18:26,640 --> 00:18:28,320 I do think it's going to make it 529 00:18:28,320 --> 00:18:30,339 more challenging in the long run. 530 00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:34,244 I agree, but, like, it depends on what 531 00:18:34,244 --> 00:18:36,244 it is. And and I'm not I'm not 532 00:18:36,244 --> 00:18:37,065 saying don't 533 00:18:37,684 --> 00:18:40,644 be honest, obviously, but, like, I just it's 534 00:18:40,644 --> 00:18:42,244 an ableist world, man. I can totally see 535 00:18:42,244 --> 00:18:44,164 why somebody wouldn't do that. Of course. Of 536 00:18:44,164 --> 00:18:46,184 course. Like, protect your peace first. 537 00:18:47,365 --> 00:18:48,480 But you're still right. 538 00:18:49,919 --> 00:18:51,759 Yeah. I don't know. There is no right 539 00:18:51,759 --> 00:18:54,960 answer here because also my right answer, like, 540 00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:56,179 changed dramatically. 541 00:18:57,039 --> 00:18:59,220 Yeah. I went from, like, 542 00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:01,460 hide every instance 543 00:19:01,759 --> 00:19:03,220 of it to, like, 544 00:19:04,134 --> 00:19:05,894 if you don't see this tank that I'm 545 00:19:05,894 --> 00:19:06,954 sitting in, then, 546 00:19:07,255 --> 00:19:09,434 you know Well, then you have a disability 547 00:19:09,494 --> 00:19:10,775 too, my brother. That's, 548 00:19:13,255 --> 00:19:13,815 that is, 549 00:19:14,454 --> 00:19:16,375 we're we're both gonna learn something about ourselves 550 00:19:16,375 --> 00:19:16,859 today. 551 00:19:18,220 --> 00:19:20,240 But yeah. I mean, what other, like, 552 00:19:20,539 --> 00:19:21,039 practical 553 00:19:22,140 --> 00:19:24,779 advice is there for finding someone? Because people 554 00:19:24,779 --> 00:19:26,779 really do come to me and ask to 555 00:19:26,779 --> 00:19:27,440 be honest. 556 00:19:27,980 --> 00:19:28,799 I have one. 557 00:19:29,259 --> 00:19:31,039 Yeah? You you gotta be funny. 558 00:19:31,974 --> 00:19:33,894 You gotta be funny? You have to be 559 00:19:33,894 --> 00:19:36,855 funny. You have to be funny. It's it's 560 00:19:36,855 --> 00:19:39,494 disarming. People are intimidated by disability. They're a 561 00:19:39,494 --> 00:19:41,095 little bit threatened or not threatened, but, like, 562 00:19:41,095 --> 00:19:43,575 they're scared of it. You have to I 563 00:19:43,575 --> 00:19:46,130 know you shouldn't I know you shouldn't. Everyone 564 00:19:46,130 --> 00:19:48,049 knows you shouldn't have to. This is the 565 00:19:48,049 --> 00:19:50,289 world we live in. You gotta be funny. 566 00:19:50,289 --> 00:19:50,950 You gotta 567 00:19:51,250 --> 00:19:54,069 make them feel comfortable around you even though 568 00:19:54,289 --> 00:19:56,369 you should not have to do that. But, 569 00:19:56,369 --> 00:19:58,309 also, I'm gonna say something. 570 00:19:59,154 --> 00:20:00,214 On a date, 571 00:20:00,994 --> 00:20:03,954 you you should. You should. Just forget, like, 572 00:20:03,954 --> 00:20:05,154 what you should and should not have to 573 00:20:05,154 --> 00:20:06,914 do as a salesperson in society. If you're 574 00:20:06,914 --> 00:20:08,934 dating somebody or trying to date somebody, 575 00:20:09,394 --> 00:20:11,154 you should try to make them feel comfortable 576 00:20:11,154 --> 00:20:12,535 with you fast. 577 00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:14,500 It'll go better if you do. 578 00:20:16,240 --> 00:20:18,259 I mean, that's a meet people 579 00:20:19,119 --> 00:20:21,059 halfway kinda thing. Like, 580 00:20:21,839 --> 00:20:23,140 you know, I can, 581 00:20:23,599 --> 00:20:24,339 for sure, 582 00:20:24,720 --> 00:20:27,505 do what I do to disarm you, 583 00:20:27,884 --> 00:20:29,424 but if you're not responding 584 00:20:31,244 --> 00:20:32,704 what a choice of words. 585 00:20:34,525 --> 00:20:35,164 Yeah. Well 586 00:20:37,484 --> 00:20:38,865 If you're not responding 587 00:20:39,404 --> 00:20:39,904 to 588 00:20:41,069 --> 00:20:41,569 my 589 00:20:41,950 --> 00:20:42,450 efforts 590 00:20:42,750 --> 00:20:43,490 at humor 591 00:20:43,869 --> 00:20:46,750 or if, like, you don't vibe with the 592 00:20:46,750 --> 00:20:48,289 jokes, then I 593 00:20:48,589 --> 00:20:50,109 don't know what to tell you because I 594 00:20:50,109 --> 00:20:50,609 tried. 595 00:20:50,990 --> 00:20:52,130 You're not for me. 596 00:20:53,309 --> 00:20:54,210 I'm a goofball. 597 00:20:55,575 --> 00:20:56,075 Right. 598 00:20:57,015 --> 00:20:58,315 Like, I 599 00:20:58,855 --> 00:20:59,994 am the first person 600 00:21:00,454 --> 00:21:02,714 who will make jokes about my disability. 601 00:21:03,174 --> 00:21:05,755 So if you're not Oh. Up with that, 602 00:21:06,054 --> 00:21:06,554 then, 603 00:21:07,734 --> 00:21:08,234 like, 604 00:21:08,980 --> 00:21:10,039 Anken, I would 605 00:21:10,419 --> 00:21:12,359 have a question for you. Okay. 606 00:21:12,819 --> 00:21:15,319 So you've been with Brandon for how long 607 00:21:15,380 --> 00:21:15,880 ish? 608 00:21:17,140 --> 00:21:17,960 Three years. 609 00:21:18,259 --> 00:21:18,759 Great. 610 00:21:19,619 --> 00:21:21,859 When was the first time he made a 611 00:21:21,859 --> 00:21:24,744 disability joke at your expense first before you 612 00:21:24,744 --> 00:21:27,625 did? Because that's, like, that's a big, like, 613 00:21:27,625 --> 00:21:29,644 let's see how far I could push this. 614 00:21:31,785 --> 00:21:34,125 I mean, I wish I could, like, pinpoint 615 00:21:34,184 --> 00:21:36,845 exactly what it was. No. Yeah. Yeah. Obviously. 616 00:21:37,065 --> 00:21:40,099 Now it is every day. Yeah. Of course. 617 00:21:40,099 --> 00:21:40,599 Unfortunately. 618 00:21:42,659 --> 00:21:45,220 And just in case anybody thinks that, like, 619 00:21:45,220 --> 00:21:46,899 that's a problem, I do not think into 620 00:21:46,899 --> 00:21:48,839 the problem. I think it is so funny. 621 00:21:49,220 --> 00:21:51,380 I think it's a mark of trust if 622 00:21:51,380 --> 00:21:52,440 you can do that. 623 00:21:53,795 --> 00:21:55,255 You know, I think 624 00:21:56,515 --> 00:21:57,894 early on in the relationship, 625 00:21:58,755 --> 00:22:02,275 he figured out that my excuse for when 626 00:22:02,275 --> 00:22:03,734 I don't wanna do something 627 00:22:04,035 --> 00:22:05,095 is I'm disabled 628 00:22:06,035 --> 00:22:06,535 and 629 00:22:07,859 --> 00:22:10,660 that will get him to do something or 630 00:22:10,660 --> 00:22:13,059 another person in my vicinity to do the 631 00:22:13,059 --> 00:22:15,059 thing for me. And so I think that 632 00:22:15,059 --> 00:22:16,900 was one of the earliest jokes that he 633 00:22:16,900 --> 00:22:19,059 made and it was definitely before the year 634 00:22:19,059 --> 00:22:21,480 mark where Did he say you're disabled? 635 00:22:21,934 --> 00:22:23,694 Or No. I think he was mocking me. 636 00:22:23,694 --> 00:22:26,115 He was like, oh, wait. I'm so disabled. 637 00:22:26,335 --> 00:22:27,474 I can't do it. 638 00:22:27,775 --> 00:22:28,434 Oh, that's 639 00:22:29,775 --> 00:22:30,355 I am. 640 00:22:31,134 --> 00:22:31,535 Yeah. 641 00:22:32,174 --> 00:22:35,554 And I mean, now, like, the jokes fly. 642 00:22:35,694 --> 00:22:36,515 And also, 643 00:22:37,740 --> 00:22:39,759 I love that for me 644 00:22:40,140 --> 00:22:40,640 because 645 00:22:41,500 --> 00:22:45,099 humor is how I cope with pretty much 646 00:22:45,099 --> 00:22:46,640 everything that my body does. 647 00:22:47,099 --> 00:22:47,599 So, 648 00:22:47,980 --> 00:22:50,059 yeah, I think that's actually a really, really 649 00:22:50,059 --> 00:22:50,880 good tip. 650 00:22:52,195 --> 00:22:54,674 I don't think that it's your job to, 651 00:22:54,674 --> 00:22:57,394 like, force someone to feel comfortable with you, 652 00:22:57,394 --> 00:22:59,634 but I think that No forcing anything. But, 653 00:22:59,634 --> 00:23:00,535 like, you gotta 654 00:23:01,075 --> 00:23:03,974 let them in. You gotta, you know Yeah. 655 00:23:04,549 --> 00:23:06,730 If you're not comfortable with yourself 656 00:23:07,029 --> 00:23:09,190 and if you can't laugh at yourself That's 657 00:23:09,190 --> 00:23:09,690 it. 658 00:23:10,630 --> 00:23:11,130 Then 659 00:23:13,029 --> 00:23:15,289 I think trying to be in a relationship 660 00:23:15,509 --> 00:23:17,130 is going to be more challenging. 661 00:23:17,750 --> 00:23:18,250 Because 662 00:23:18,704 --> 00:23:20,724 I also think people look to 663 00:23:21,505 --> 00:23:22,005 relationships 664 00:23:22,544 --> 00:23:24,565 as, like, a form of, 665 00:23:25,904 --> 00:23:28,625 like, you're not a whole person until you're 666 00:23:28,625 --> 00:23:29,365 in a relationship. 667 00:23:30,065 --> 00:23:32,884 God. That's that's such a wrong thing, man. 668 00:23:33,630 --> 00:23:35,630 Like And also, like Gotta be a old 669 00:23:35,630 --> 00:23:36,450 person first. 670 00:23:36,829 --> 00:23:38,990 I know disabled people specifically, and I I 671 00:23:38,990 --> 00:23:40,509 know this is true for everybody, but I 672 00:23:40,509 --> 00:23:42,190 think I it wouldn't surprise me if this 673 00:23:42,190 --> 00:23:44,670 was somehow more common with us where, like, 674 00:23:44,670 --> 00:23:46,269 people are afraid to be vulnerable. And so 675 00:23:46,269 --> 00:23:47,549 they're like, well, I don't really know what 676 00:23:47,549 --> 00:23:49,045 I want, but I like the idea of 677 00:23:49,045 --> 00:23:50,105 having someone. And it's 678 00:23:50,484 --> 00:23:51,464 like, you gotta 679 00:23:51,924 --> 00:23:53,785 be okay with being vulnerable. 680 00:23:54,404 --> 00:23:56,005 And I know that's hard for us. That's 681 00:23:56,005 --> 00:23:58,005 why I'm making this point. It's really, really 682 00:23:58,005 --> 00:23:59,464 extra hard for us because 683 00:24:00,085 --> 00:24:01,285 of all the other things we've said in 684 00:24:01,285 --> 00:24:03,625 the hundreds of episodes we've done. But 685 00:24:04,539 --> 00:24:06,619 you gotta do it, man. You gotta do 686 00:24:06,619 --> 00:24:08,000 it. It's the only way. 687 00:24:09,980 --> 00:24:13,180 Yeah. I think if you're not being honest 688 00:24:13,180 --> 00:24:14,079 with yourself, 689 00:24:14,940 --> 00:24:16,779 you're not gonna be able to be honest 690 00:24:16,779 --> 00:24:17,839 with another person. 691 00:24:18,539 --> 00:24:19,440 Yeah. Exactly. 692 00:24:20,744 --> 00:24:21,244 Also, 693 00:24:22,184 --> 00:24:25,325 I think another thing that comes to mind 694 00:24:25,384 --> 00:24:26,125 is like, 695 00:24:27,785 --> 00:24:30,904 I this is more like how to keep 696 00:24:30,904 --> 00:24:33,085 someone than how to find someone. 697 00:24:33,529 --> 00:24:36,269 But, like, in terms of the keeping someone, 698 00:24:36,730 --> 00:24:37,230 like, 699 00:24:38,009 --> 00:24:39,789 let that person in. 700 00:24:40,089 --> 00:24:41,690 I think and this goes along with what 701 00:24:41,690 --> 00:24:43,529 you were saying about being vulnerable, but, 702 00:24:45,049 --> 00:24:46,525 you know, pretty quickly, 703 00:24:47,384 --> 00:24:48,365 I think Brandon 704 00:24:48,744 --> 00:24:49,964 came to understand 705 00:24:51,144 --> 00:24:51,964 things about 706 00:24:52,265 --> 00:24:54,904 my needs and how my body and how 707 00:24:54,904 --> 00:24:56,044 my mind functions. 708 00:24:56,825 --> 00:24:57,325 And 709 00:24:58,440 --> 00:25:01,559 if something wasn't working for me, I told 710 00:25:01,559 --> 00:25:02,059 him 711 00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:04,859 as opposed to, like, letting 712 00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:06,940 it slide 713 00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:10,299 and trying to, like, push through it because 714 00:25:10,644 --> 00:25:12,964 you don't want someone in the early days 715 00:25:12,964 --> 00:25:16,025 to develop expectations of you that you cannot 716 00:25:16,164 --> 00:25:16,664 sustain 717 00:25:17,125 --> 00:25:18,964 because that's God, I know. How you usually 718 00:25:18,964 --> 00:25:20,105 show up in the world. 719 00:25:20,404 --> 00:25:23,160 I know. That's that's that you know what? 720 00:25:23,400 --> 00:25:24,700 That's a lesson you learn. 721 00:25:26,759 --> 00:25:28,460 A hard one for sure. 722 00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:29,340 Mhmm. 723 00:25:30,920 --> 00:25:32,759 Man, I don't know. How else do you 724 00:25:32,759 --> 00:25:33,660 keep a person? 725 00:25:34,440 --> 00:25:35,720 I don't know how to do this. I 726 00:25:35,720 --> 00:25:37,080 mean, I'm doing it, but I don't know 727 00:25:37,080 --> 00:25:37,964 how I'm doing it. 728 00:25:38,525 --> 00:25:40,605 I don't know. Was it I I can't 729 00:25:40,605 --> 00:25:42,444 even remember anything that was in my Bumble 730 00:25:42,444 --> 00:25:43,744 profile. Like, truly. 731 00:25:44,444 --> 00:25:46,444 I can't. Yeah. I mean, enough of how 732 00:25:46,484 --> 00:25:48,525 I think I said professional yapper, which I 733 00:25:48,525 --> 00:25:50,365 will say did get the kind of attention 734 00:25:50,365 --> 00:25:51,105 I wanted, 735 00:25:51,450 --> 00:25:52,909 and it is also true. 736 00:25:54,009 --> 00:25:55,529 Like, that's not just me saying I talk 737 00:25:55,529 --> 00:25:57,289 a lot. Like, I'm a professional. Like, I'm 738 00:25:57,450 --> 00:25:59,049 you know, we're doing it right now. Like 739 00:26:00,569 --> 00:26:02,890 Professional yapper. Yeah. I think I do remember 740 00:26:02,890 --> 00:26:04,029 you telling me that. 741 00:26:05,664 --> 00:26:06,404 Do you 742 00:26:07,184 --> 00:26:07,684 remember 743 00:26:09,345 --> 00:26:11,825 the first things that you and Katie said 744 00:26:11,825 --> 00:26:12,724 to each other? 745 00:26:13,184 --> 00:26:13,684 Yeah. 746 00:26:15,345 --> 00:26:17,184 I mean, I have a screenshot of what 747 00:26:17,184 --> 00:26:20,559 I said. I I don't. But after hello, 748 00:26:20,619 --> 00:26:21,180 it was, 749 00:26:22,779 --> 00:26:24,619 I can tell that you're holding a cake, 750 00:26:24,619 --> 00:26:26,220 but I can't tell what it was because 751 00:26:26,220 --> 00:26:28,240 it was just like a gray blob. 752 00:26:29,019 --> 00:26:30,799 And then she said, 753 00:26:31,420 --> 00:26:33,579 it's an astronaut it's a it's an asteroid 754 00:26:33,579 --> 00:26:35,279 cake or an asteroid pie. 755 00:26:35,775 --> 00:26:36,434 And I 756 00:26:37,134 --> 00:26:38,195 I sat up 757 00:26:38,734 --> 00:26:40,815 in my bed at, like, what must have 758 00:26:40,815 --> 00:26:43,855 been 11:30 or, like yeah. I now know. 759 00:26:43,855 --> 00:26:45,535 I I used to say it was 01:30AM. 760 00:26:45,535 --> 00:26:47,295 I now know that she would be very 761 00:26:47,295 --> 00:26:48,434 asleep at that hour. 762 00:26:49,529 --> 00:26:50,029 And 763 00:26:51,450 --> 00:26:52,970 I sent a voice note, which is not 764 00:26:52,970 --> 00:26:54,490 something I would which is not something I 765 00:26:54,490 --> 00:26:55,230 do immediately, 766 00:26:55,529 --> 00:26:57,070 but I was like, hey. 767 00:26:59,210 --> 00:27:00,890 Hey. I I think I found out some 768 00:27:00,890 --> 00:27:02,509 information about you just now. 769 00:27:02,890 --> 00:27:03,869 And I was right. 770 00:27:04,275 --> 00:27:06,674 And we just started talking from there. It 771 00:27:06,674 --> 00:27:07,894 was it was cool. 772 00:27:08,595 --> 00:27:11,974 Oh, okay. Here's my best actual life hack. 773 00:27:14,275 --> 00:27:17,009 Get Kyle to record your first voice note 774 00:27:17,250 --> 00:27:20,309 because the man has a voice for radio. 775 00:27:21,250 --> 00:27:23,570 I I really, like, didn't use it as, 776 00:27:23,570 --> 00:27:24,470 like, a move. 777 00:27:24,930 --> 00:27:26,450 It was just like Oh, no. Of course. 778 00:27:26,450 --> 00:27:27,809 I know. I think I figured it out. 779 00:27:27,809 --> 00:27:29,650 And I was like, I'm I'm excited that 780 00:27:29,650 --> 00:27:30,549 I think I 781 00:27:31,015 --> 00:27:33,335 found out something this early. And and which 782 00:27:33,335 --> 00:27:34,855 is by the way, like, looking back on 783 00:27:34,855 --> 00:27:38,054 that, very weird. Like, in retrospect, I shouldn't 784 00:27:38,054 --> 00:27:39,115 have been that excited. 785 00:27:40,694 --> 00:27:43,015 But she entertained it. And, crucially, I was 786 00:27:43,015 --> 00:27:43,994 right. So 787 00:27:44,700 --> 00:27:46,319 that that that was a nice icebreaker. 788 00:27:47,019 --> 00:27:48,079 The fact that, like, 789 00:27:49,259 --> 00:27:51,019 it was not there was nothing it was 790 00:27:51,019 --> 00:27:52,299 not a secret. It was just, like, not 791 00:27:52,299 --> 00:27:54,159 something you'd immediately put on your profile. 792 00:27:54,619 --> 00:27:55,019 And 793 00:27:56,539 --> 00:27:57,679 Well, also, 794 00:27:58,375 --> 00:28:00,134 this kind of points to another thing that 795 00:28:00,134 --> 00:28:01,835 I think about a lot which is, like, 796 00:28:01,894 --> 00:28:04,294 put some effort in. Well, that's the thing, 797 00:28:04,294 --> 00:28:05,994 man. The The intention. 798 00:28:07,095 --> 00:28:08,634 Plenty of people 799 00:28:09,255 --> 00:28:10,554 who I know 800 00:28:11,119 --> 00:28:13,359 who are trying to find a partner are 801 00:28:13,359 --> 00:28:15,220 like, it's so hard. 802 00:28:15,759 --> 00:28:17,700 Like, yeah, actually, it is. 803 00:28:18,720 --> 00:28:19,859 It is challenging. 804 00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:20,740 Like, 805 00:28:22,160 --> 00:28:22,900 I worked 806 00:28:23,200 --> 00:28:24,820 really hard at 807 00:28:26,634 --> 00:28:28,974 figuring out how to communicate with people 808 00:28:29,674 --> 00:28:32,255 on the dating apps. And 809 00:28:33,115 --> 00:28:34,954 I got fed up with it after a 810 00:28:34,954 --> 00:28:37,615 while, but I tried to 811 00:28:38,880 --> 00:28:40,420 write, like, thoughtful 812 00:28:42,080 --> 00:28:42,580 messages 813 00:28:43,200 --> 00:28:44,900 and engage thoughtfully. 814 00:28:46,799 --> 00:28:47,539 It'll work? 815 00:28:49,279 --> 00:28:50,339 Yes. Because 816 00:28:51,355 --> 00:28:52,014 I actually 817 00:28:52,474 --> 00:28:53,855 read people's profiles 818 00:28:54,394 --> 00:28:54,894 and 819 00:28:55,194 --> 00:28:58,734 I saw that, you know, Brandon said that 820 00:28:59,355 --> 00:29:01,774 he loves books, movies, and policy. 821 00:29:02,315 --> 00:29:03,855 And it was right around 822 00:29:05,150 --> 00:29:08,109 Christmas time, and so he was having himself 823 00:29:08,109 --> 00:29:09,490 a little Jewish Christmas. 824 00:29:10,349 --> 00:29:12,669 And everyone should know that Kyle is showing 825 00:29:12,669 --> 00:29:14,690 me his girlfriend's cat right now. 826 00:29:15,950 --> 00:29:17,355 He would want you to see him. 827 00:29:17,914 --> 00:29:19,214 This has absolutely 828 00:29:19,914 --> 00:29:21,615 nothing to do with the show, 829 00:29:22,154 --> 00:29:24,734 but just to marry a black cat. 830 00:29:26,075 --> 00:29:27,134 He's running around. 831 00:29:30,490 --> 00:29:32,509 I got distracted because I liked the cat. 832 00:29:32,970 --> 00:29:35,630 Oh, so, like, I sent a thoughtful message 833 00:29:35,769 --> 00:29:39,470 to Brandon being like, hey. You know, assuming 834 00:29:39,529 --> 00:29:41,849 I can ask how your, you know, Jewish 835 00:29:41,849 --> 00:29:42,990 Christmas was, 836 00:29:43,609 --> 00:29:45,644 did you, you know, see a movie and 837 00:29:45,644 --> 00:29:47,884 eat Chinese food? And, like, that hit the 838 00:29:47,884 --> 00:29:49,725 nail on the head for him. And granted, 839 00:29:49,725 --> 00:29:51,745 like, that was very specific. 840 00:29:52,125 --> 00:29:54,785 But don't just say hello 841 00:29:55,404 --> 00:29:58,465 and expect that it's always gonna work out. 842 00:29:59,149 --> 00:30:00,750 I think I did just say hello, but 843 00:30:00,750 --> 00:30:01,409 I definitely 844 00:30:01,710 --> 00:30:03,829 immediately was like, what is that thing that 845 00:30:03,829 --> 00:30:05,149 you like, I can tell you put effort 846 00:30:05,149 --> 00:30:07,069 into it. What is it? I mean, hello 847 00:30:07,069 --> 00:30:08,929 is fine, but it should be like, 848 00:30:09,309 --> 00:30:11,149 hello and then maybe put a little effort 849 00:30:11,149 --> 00:30:11,889 into it. 850 00:30:13,674 --> 00:30:15,755 The first match I ever had on any 851 00:30:15,755 --> 00:30:17,595 app was Bumble, and I matched with somebody 852 00:30:17,595 --> 00:30:20,315 whose favorite hobby was sleeping. And I thought, 853 00:30:20,315 --> 00:30:21,694 oh, what a quirky person 854 00:30:22,394 --> 00:30:24,599 to to say that. And then, like, the 855 00:30:24,599 --> 00:30:26,039 only thing she talked to me about was 856 00:30:26,039 --> 00:30:27,880 sleeping. And I was like, this is not 857 00:30:27,880 --> 00:30:29,799 real. This is like, I'm being punked. This 858 00:30:29,799 --> 00:30:30,940 is someone I know. 859 00:30:34,279 --> 00:30:35,880 And I was like, oh, this is gonna 860 00:30:35,880 --> 00:30:36,940 be how it is. 861 00:30:37,734 --> 00:30:39,674 And for the most part, it was. 862 00:30:41,654 --> 00:30:44,294 I also love sleeping. But Yeah. I know. 863 00:30:44,294 --> 00:30:45,515 But it can't be your only hobby. 864 00:30:47,414 --> 00:30:49,835 It's not the most interesting thing about me. 865 00:30:51,819 --> 00:30:53,119 It is, I found, 866 00:30:53,579 --> 00:30:55,519 incredibly difficult for me to, 867 00:30:58,220 --> 00:31:00,380 like, write about myself, period. Do it in 868 00:31:00,380 --> 00:31:01,359 a way that is, 869 00:31:02,299 --> 00:31:02,799 like, 870 00:31:03,205 --> 00:31:06,805 kind of braggy, but also charming, but also 871 00:31:06,805 --> 00:31:10,265 not boring, but also, like, not off putting, 872 00:31:11,205 --> 00:31:12,585 but also attractive 873 00:31:13,684 --> 00:31:15,605 in in in in with these, like, pithy 874 00:31:15,605 --> 00:31:18,619 one liner things and, like, it it's so 875 00:31:18,619 --> 00:31:19,119 weird. 876 00:31:20,539 --> 00:31:21,519 It's so weird. 877 00:31:22,140 --> 00:31:23,759 Yeah. I I don't 878 00:31:24,140 --> 00:31:25,740 I'm the people who have to do it, 879 00:31:25,740 --> 00:31:28,559 but I also really don't want people 880 00:31:29,099 --> 00:31:31,740 listening to take a defeatist attitude towards it 881 00:31:31,740 --> 00:31:32,539 either because 882 00:31:33,315 --> 00:31:34,054 I mean, 883 00:31:34,355 --> 00:31:36,134 both of us had to work at it. 884 00:31:36,835 --> 00:31:37,335 Yeah. 885 00:31:37,875 --> 00:31:39,875 It was worth it though. Yeah. Of course. 886 00:31:39,875 --> 00:31:41,075 And I'm not just saying that because she's 887 00:31:41,075 --> 00:31:43,315 gonna listen to this. I like, it it 888 00:31:43,315 --> 00:31:44,294 really, like 889 00:31:45,569 --> 00:31:47,009 I and it was funny because, like, I'd 890 00:31:47,009 --> 00:31:48,529 done it so little that I was, like, 891 00:31:48,529 --> 00:31:50,450 not entirely burnt out on the concept of 892 00:31:50,450 --> 00:31:52,230 a dating app yet. Although, I was 893 00:31:52,609 --> 00:31:53,909 very rapidly approaching. 894 00:31:56,450 --> 00:31:58,289 But it was still kind of fun a 895 00:31:58,289 --> 00:32:00,230 little bit to to do that. 896 00:32:01,994 --> 00:32:02,734 So yeah. 897 00:32:03,515 --> 00:32:05,195 Yeah. That's the other thing. Don't take it 898 00:32:05,195 --> 00:32:06,015 so seriously. 899 00:32:06,555 --> 00:32:08,015 Oh, god. You can't. 900 00:32:08,795 --> 00:32:10,474 You can take your pursuit like, if you 901 00:32:10,474 --> 00:32:12,555 really wanna find a person, that's what you 902 00:32:12,555 --> 00:32:13,914 take seriously in the same way that you 903 00:32:13,914 --> 00:32:16,099 can take finding a job seriously, although it's 904 00:32:16,099 --> 00:32:17,940 not the same thing. Like, the concept is 905 00:32:17,940 --> 00:32:19,559 something you can take seriously, but, like, 906 00:32:20,099 --> 00:32:20,839 you yourself 907 00:32:21,380 --> 00:32:23,640 on the apps is just, like, you're not 908 00:32:24,500 --> 00:32:26,279 just relax. Just chill out. 909 00:32:27,464 --> 00:32:28,204 And also, 910 00:32:28,744 --> 00:32:30,125 if somebody is being 911 00:32:30,505 --> 00:32:33,244 awful to you or if somebody is not 912 00:32:33,384 --> 00:32:33,884 giving 913 00:32:34,904 --> 00:32:36,845 you anything to work with, 914 00:32:37,144 --> 00:32:39,224 don't keep wasting your time on that person. 915 00:32:39,224 --> 00:32:42,279 God, I know. I it's so dude. Yeah. 916 00:32:42,279 --> 00:32:42,779 Yeah. 917 00:32:43,880 --> 00:32:45,559 But also, I really feel like there are 918 00:32:45,559 --> 00:32:47,400 gonna be people who are listening to this 919 00:32:47,400 --> 00:32:48,759 and they're gonna be like, yeah. Well, you 920 00:32:48,759 --> 00:32:50,380 both have your people, so 921 00:32:50,839 --> 00:32:53,160 stop talking to me. No. I'm not gonna 922 00:32:53,160 --> 00:32:54,680 sound talking to you. I'm we're proof that 923 00:32:54,680 --> 00:32:55,339 it works. 924 00:32:56,244 --> 00:32:57,464 You open your listening ears. 925 00:32:58,565 --> 00:32:59,065 Also 926 00:32:59,605 --> 00:33:00,865 though, like, 927 00:33:01,924 --> 00:33:04,325 proof that it's not that simple either. Like 928 00:33:04,325 --> 00:33:06,724 I don't, I think when people come to 929 00:33:06,724 --> 00:33:08,244 me and they're like, okay, how do you 930 00:33:08,244 --> 00:33:09,065 find someone? 931 00:33:09,525 --> 00:33:10,265 You know, 932 00:33:12,859 --> 00:33:14,079 I tried really hard. 933 00:33:14,380 --> 00:33:15,740 And I and I and I then I 934 00:33:15,740 --> 00:33:17,980 did it. One thing one mystery that I 935 00:33:17,980 --> 00:33:19,440 never figured out was that, 936 00:33:22,299 --> 00:33:24,400 I matched with a lot of poly women, 937 00:33:25,634 --> 00:33:26,994 and I don't I don't know what it 938 00:33:26,994 --> 00:33:28,355 is. One of them told me I had 939 00:33:28,355 --> 00:33:29,414 a poly face. 940 00:33:29,715 --> 00:33:31,975 I'll I'll never forget that. I What? 941 00:33:32,355 --> 00:33:34,914 I don't know. I think about that maybe 942 00:33:34,914 --> 00:33:36,914 once a week. Nope. You are. Like, it's 943 00:33:36,914 --> 00:33:37,494 a curse. 944 00:33:38,039 --> 00:33:40,519 Sure. I'm monogamous. But No. I am. But, 945 00:33:40,519 --> 00:33:41,880 like, that's the thing. I'm like, I what 946 00:33:41,880 --> 00:33:43,640 did you look at how can I change 947 00:33:43,640 --> 00:33:45,100 my appearance so that I don't 948 00:33:46,600 --> 00:33:47,820 Oh my god? Okay. 949 00:33:48,440 --> 00:33:49,740 So my 950 00:33:50,275 --> 00:33:51,255 dear sweet husband 951 00:33:51,714 --> 00:33:54,535 is a therapist as I've probably mentioned 952 00:33:55,154 --> 00:33:56,134 on this show. 953 00:33:56,515 --> 00:33:56,994 And, 954 00:33:58,674 --> 00:33:59,815 he is 955 00:34:00,515 --> 00:34:02,375 someone he works with, 956 00:34:04,200 --> 00:34:05,019 queer people, 957 00:34:05,799 --> 00:34:08,219 and he's very, like, polyamory 958 00:34:08,679 --> 00:34:09,179 affirming. 959 00:34:10,440 --> 00:34:13,339 So, like, if you find his profile 960 00:34:13,639 --> 00:34:15,500 for, like, his therapy 961 00:34:16,215 --> 00:34:16,715 work, 962 00:34:17,414 --> 00:34:20,235 online, which I did because I Googled him 963 00:34:20,535 --> 00:34:21,755 pretty early on. 964 00:34:22,375 --> 00:34:22,875 And 965 00:34:23,175 --> 00:34:25,914 it says that one of his, like, specialties 966 00:34:26,215 --> 00:34:29,114 in therapy is working with polyamorous couples. 967 00:34:29,494 --> 00:34:30,954 Or will it get polyamorous 968 00:34:32,269 --> 00:34:34,309 people in relationships because you wouldn't just be 969 00:34:34,309 --> 00:34:34,929 a couple. 970 00:34:37,309 --> 00:34:39,329 So working with polyamorous people. 971 00:34:39,789 --> 00:34:40,289 And 972 00:34:41,230 --> 00:34:42,609 I was like, no. 973 00:34:44,030 --> 00:34:46,289 Not because I think anything wrong like, anything 974 00:34:46,349 --> 00:34:47,150 wrong with that. No. It's just that for 975 00:34:47,150 --> 00:34:50,494 you. Yeah. And I was, like, automatically assuming 976 00:34:50,494 --> 00:34:52,494 that because he was affirming also meant that 977 00:34:52,494 --> 00:34:53,315 he was poly. 978 00:34:54,014 --> 00:34:56,094 So I just nipped that in the bud 979 00:34:56,094 --> 00:34:57,454 real quick, and I was like, are you 980 00:34:57,454 --> 00:34:58,914 poly? And he was like, no. 981 00:34:59,295 --> 00:35:00,815 Is that the first question you sat down 982 00:35:00,815 --> 00:35:01,530 at the table? 983 00:35:02,489 --> 00:35:04,570 No. But I I asked him pretty soon 984 00:35:04,570 --> 00:35:06,489 after because I was like, I cannot do 985 00:35:06,489 --> 00:35:06,989 that. 986 00:35:07,530 --> 00:35:08,829 I think the way that 987 00:35:09,130 --> 00:35:11,789 her mom found out that I was disabled 988 00:35:11,849 --> 00:35:12,829 was that she 989 00:35:13,864 --> 00:35:15,784 Googled. No. No. No. I'm gonna get the 990 00:35:15,784 --> 00:35:17,545 story. She's gonna hear this, and she would 991 00:35:17,545 --> 00:35:19,085 be like, that's not what it was. 992 00:35:19,545 --> 00:35:21,224 I think how she her mom found her 993 00:35:21,224 --> 00:35:23,704 podcast because she Googled my name and cerebral 994 00:35:23,704 --> 00:35:25,944 palsy. No. No. She Googled Kyle and then 995 00:35:25,944 --> 00:35:28,364 cerebral palsy. That's it. And then she found 996 00:35:29,210 --> 00:35:29,710 this 997 00:35:30,089 --> 00:35:30,989 show, and 998 00:35:32,969 --> 00:35:34,829 that was a that was so 999 00:35:35,210 --> 00:35:37,210 that just the fact that you could do 1000 00:35:37,210 --> 00:35:38,190 that was so weird. 1001 00:35:39,210 --> 00:35:40,329 I mean, that would be like if I 1002 00:35:40,329 --> 00:35:42,474 googled Emily wheelchair and found our podcast. And 1003 00:35:42,474 --> 00:35:44,234 you know what? I've never done that. Maybe 1004 00:35:44,234 --> 00:35:46,974 you can. Hold on. I'm googling Emily wheelchair. 1005 00:35:47,675 --> 00:35:48,974 Nope. Not me. 1006 00:35:50,074 --> 00:35:53,054 Thank god. Not yet. Emily Emily wheelchair, 1007 00:35:53,355 --> 00:35:55,194 but it does bring up an Emily that 1008 00:35:55,194 --> 00:35:55,855 I know. 1009 00:35:58,150 --> 00:35:59,769 Well, some of us can't be so lucky. 1010 00:36:00,150 --> 00:36:00,469 Yeah. 1011 00:36:01,510 --> 00:36:03,589 Not me oh, I'm I'm a little I'm 1012 00:36:03,589 --> 00:36:04,150 a little 1013 00:36:04,550 --> 00:36:06,869 You're down there? Yeah. I'm on the first 1014 00:36:06,869 --> 00:36:08,170 page of Google results. 1015 00:36:08,550 --> 00:36:09,769 That's, that's 1016 00:36:10,684 --> 00:36:11,184 unsettling. 1017 00:36:12,844 --> 00:36:16,204 Wait. I wanna Google Kyle's cerebral palsy. What's 1018 00:36:16,204 --> 00:36:18,125 what's a piece of advice you'd give to 1019 00:36:18,125 --> 00:36:20,065 a disabled person on the apps? 1020 00:36:24,320 --> 00:36:25,860 Throw your phone into the ocean? 1021 00:36:26,719 --> 00:36:28,260 Yeah. No. That's a good one. 1022 00:36:28,559 --> 00:36:29,619 Okay. Was 1023 00:36:30,079 --> 00:36:31,860 Google AI a thing 1024 00:36:32,239 --> 00:36:33,140 back when 1025 00:36:33,840 --> 00:36:37,194 Yeah. Maybe. My mom Googled this? Because the 1026 00:36:37,194 --> 00:36:39,775 first person who comes up is Kyle Pease, 1027 00:36:40,315 --> 00:36:41,214 an inspirational 1028 00:36:41,674 --> 00:36:44,174 athlete born with spastic quadriplegic 1029 00:36:44,875 --> 00:36:48,174 cerebral palsy. Thank god. I'm so that's thrilling. 1030 00:36:48,875 --> 00:36:51,019 He It's not me. He's in Ironman 1031 00:36:51,559 --> 00:36:52,059 triathlon 1032 00:36:52,440 --> 00:36:55,579 and endurance races along with his brother, Brent. 1033 00:36:56,119 --> 00:36:57,579 Quit bragging. Okay. 1034 00:36:58,840 --> 00:36:59,340 Oh, 1035 00:36:59,640 --> 00:37:03,660 of the amazing story of Kyle Miller overcoming 1036 00:37:03,960 --> 00:37:05,099 cerebral palsy. 1037 00:37:05,640 --> 00:37:06,014 Great. 1038 00:37:07,534 --> 00:37:09,054 You love to see it. How do you 1039 00:37:09,054 --> 00:37:09,714 do that? 1040 00:37:10,574 --> 00:37:12,014 It I would really love to know how 1041 00:37:12,014 --> 00:37:13,474 you overcome cerebral palsy. 1042 00:37:13,934 --> 00:37:14,434 Yeah. 1043 00:37:15,375 --> 00:37:17,454 My advice for people on apps would be, 1044 00:37:18,329 --> 00:37:19,849 be funny. I know I said that already, 1045 00:37:19,849 --> 00:37:21,150 but it's very important. 1046 00:37:22,010 --> 00:37:23,789 Would you call that your final takeaway? 1047 00:37:24,329 --> 00:37:25,309 Yeah. I would. 1048 00:37:26,090 --> 00:37:27,530 I really would. And I would say that 1049 00:37:27,530 --> 00:37:29,210 my other final takeaway is, if you keep 1050 00:37:29,210 --> 00:37:31,710 getting rejected on dating apps and you have 1051 00:37:31,835 --> 00:37:33,514 date money burning a hole in your pocket, 1052 00:37:33,514 --> 00:37:35,114 subscribe to us on Patreon. Just $1 a 1053 00:37:35,114 --> 00:37:36,875 month of interest in all current future episodes 1054 00:37:36,875 --> 00:37:38,414 of the accessible still remain acceptable. 1055 00:37:40,234 --> 00:37:41,914 Right. But you know what? You won't get 1056 00:37:42,074 --> 00:37:44,394 you won't keep getting rejected because you're worthy, 1057 00:37:44,394 --> 00:37:46,894 and you know you're worth king queen 1058 00:37:47,260 --> 00:37:49,440 and, royalty for R and B pals. 1059 00:37:50,300 --> 00:37:50,800 I 1060 00:37:51,500 --> 00:37:52,000 thought 1061 00:37:52,300 --> 00:37:53,519 you were gonna say, 1062 00:37:53,820 --> 00:37:55,280 if you have money to burn, 1063 00:37:55,660 --> 00:37:58,860 maybe invest it in, like, a subscription to 1064 00:37:58,860 --> 00:38:00,720 a dating app or, like, 1065 00:38:01,164 --> 00:38:03,484 I did subscribe to Bumble, and I didn't 1066 00:38:03,484 --> 00:38:05,885 want to. I had this irrational fear that 1067 00:38:05,885 --> 00:38:08,605 I would swipe the incorrect direction on someone 1068 00:38:08,605 --> 00:38:10,304 who I thought was very pretty or funny. 1069 00:38:10,364 --> 00:38:12,125 And you know what? I did that a 1070 00:38:12,125 --> 00:38:13,644 couple times. So I'm I I gotta be 1071 00:38:13,644 --> 00:38:15,005 honest. I'm glad I'm glad I, 1072 00:38:15,940 --> 00:38:16,760 did that, 1073 00:38:17,059 --> 00:38:19,140 but I did not do that with with 1074 00:38:19,140 --> 00:38:21,219 Katie. So it was all for nothing in 1075 00:38:21,219 --> 00:38:21,880 the end. 1076 00:38:22,260 --> 00:38:23,940 Oh, see, I paid for my, 1077 00:38:24,420 --> 00:38:24,920 subscription 1078 00:38:25,619 --> 00:38:28,599 to Hinge, and Brandon paid for his subscription 1079 00:38:28,739 --> 00:38:30,760 to Hinge. And I think that they, 1080 00:38:31,275 --> 00:38:31,775 like, 1081 00:38:32,155 --> 00:38:34,074 show you the better people when you pay, 1082 00:38:34,074 --> 00:38:35,135 which is infuriating. 1083 00:38:36,155 --> 00:38:36,655 So 1084 00:38:38,074 --> 00:38:38,574 yeah. 1085 00:38:39,674 --> 00:38:41,275 Well, they do. They showed me her. So 1086 00:38:41,594 --> 00:38:42,094 The 1087 00:38:42,795 --> 00:38:44,795 buy you a subscription? But she did not 1088 00:38:44,795 --> 00:38:47,250 pay for me. I paid for her. Wow. 1089 00:38:47,250 --> 00:38:48,390 You were a bargain. 1090 00:38:48,769 --> 00:38:49,429 I know. 1091 00:38:53,650 --> 00:38:54,869 Did we say one 1092 00:38:55,329 --> 00:38:56,469 useful thing? 1093 00:38:57,890 --> 00:38:59,824 Yeah. I don't know what it is, but 1094 00:38:59,824 --> 00:39:01,105 we definitely had a useful thing in there 1095 00:39:01,105 --> 00:39:01,605 somewhere. 1096 00:39:02,464 --> 00:39:04,484 I'm only asking because, like, 1097 00:39:04,864 --> 00:39:06,005 I'm thinking of 1098 00:39:07,264 --> 00:39:09,585 me listening to this when I'm looking for 1099 00:39:09,585 --> 00:39:12,385 someone being like, help me. Okay. But it 1100 00:39:12,464 --> 00:39:14,610 dude, honestly, if that if that's you and 1101 00:39:14,610 --> 00:39:16,369 you really thought we were gonna provide you 1102 00:39:16,369 --> 00:39:17,970 a five step plan, that's kind of the 1103 00:39:17,970 --> 00:39:21,030 problem. Like, it's it's honestly not easy. 1104 00:39:22,130 --> 00:39:23,890 It's not easy. You have to work on 1105 00:39:23,890 --> 00:39:25,650 yourself, and what what that looks like is 1106 00:39:25,650 --> 00:39:27,750 different per person. If that's, 1107 00:39:28,494 --> 00:39:29,234 you know, making sure 1108 00:39:29,534 --> 00:39:31,695 that you look nice or making sure that 1109 00:39:31,695 --> 00:39:34,094 your PCA leaves you alone during a date 1110 00:39:34,094 --> 00:39:36,574 or, you know, making sure that you if 1111 00:39:36,574 --> 00:39:38,094 you're not good with social cues, you learn 1112 00:39:38,094 --> 00:39:40,335 a couple that are commonly associated with dates 1113 00:39:40,335 --> 00:39:42,655 or, you know, practicing your type five that 1114 00:39:42,655 --> 00:39:44,400 you tell it your date on your, don't 1115 00:39:44,400 --> 00:39:45,059 do that, 1116 00:39:46,079 --> 00:39:47,440 you know, in the mirror and and, you 1117 00:39:47,440 --> 00:39:49,280 know, learning how to do stuff like that. 1118 00:39:49,280 --> 00:39:51,519 Like, it's all very individual, and having a 1119 00:39:51,519 --> 00:39:53,539 disability makes it harder. So you need to 1120 00:39:54,400 --> 00:39:56,480 unfortunately, you do need to, like, practice and 1121 00:39:56,480 --> 00:39:57,760 be the best you can be, and it's 1122 00:39:57,760 --> 00:39:59,664 not fair. And I don't like it, and 1123 00:39:59,664 --> 00:40:01,184 Emily doesn't like it, but that is the 1124 00:40:01,184 --> 00:40:01,924 way it is. 1125 00:40:02,625 --> 00:40:03,905 Yeah. I'm glad you said we don't like 1126 00:40:03,905 --> 00:40:05,344 it because I was thinking about the thing 1127 00:40:05,344 --> 00:40:07,105 with, like, the social cues, and that's so 1128 00:40:07,105 --> 00:40:07,605 frustrating. 1129 00:40:07,905 --> 00:40:09,585 It is, man. It's not it's look. It's 1130 00:40:09,585 --> 00:40:09,824 not 1131 00:40:10,464 --> 00:40:12,784 I hate it, but it is the world 1132 00:40:12,784 --> 00:40:13,605 we live in. 1133 00:40:14,469 --> 00:40:16,630 And if they've ever listened to anything we've 1134 00:40:16,630 --> 00:40:17,910 ever said, they know that we know we 1135 00:40:17,910 --> 00:40:18,890 wouldn't like that. 1136 00:40:19,430 --> 00:40:19,930 Yeah. 1137 00:40:23,829 --> 00:40:24,329 I 1138 00:40:25,269 --> 00:40:26,329 wanna be, like, 1139 00:40:27,110 --> 00:40:28,969 f conforming, but 1140 00:40:29,894 --> 00:40:31,494 I don't know, man. Yeah. But but not 1141 00:40:31,494 --> 00:40:32,954 for dating. You can't 1142 00:40:33,655 --> 00:40:35,434 I mean, yes for dating, but, like 1143 00:40:37,175 --> 00:40:39,035 I just feel like sometimes it's unavoidable. 1144 00:40:39,974 --> 00:40:42,210 Yes. Because we live in this is gonna 1145 00:40:42,210 --> 00:40:43,409 be this is making me sound like a 1146 00:40:43,409 --> 00:40:45,170 conservative. I'm not a conservative, but, like, but 1147 00:40:45,170 --> 00:40:47,489 you, like, it's yeah. Sometimes you just gotta 1148 00:40:47,489 --> 00:40:48,550 be a person. 1149 00:40:49,090 --> 00:40:51,429 Don't change who you are, though. 1150 00:40:51,809 --> 00:40:53,670 Yes. Exactly. Need to be inauthentic. 1151 00:40:56,135 --> 00:40:57,835 I think there's a difference there. 1152 00:40:58,215 --> 00:40:58,715 Like, 1153 00:40:59,175 --> 00:41:01,574 understanding how to navigate the dating world, I 1154 00:41:01,574 --> 00:41:02,074 think, 1155 00:41:03,175 --> 00:41:05,114 is different than, like, 1156 00:41:05,894 --> 00:41:08,054 pretending to be someone you're not. Don't pretend 1157 00:41:08,054 --> 00:41:09,355 to be someone you're not. 1158 00:41:09,710 --> 00:41:11,630 Yeah. In fact, sometimes I pretend to be 1159 00:41:11,630 --> 00:41:14,210 Emile Laddow, and it just doesn't work out. 1160 00:41:14,589 --> 00:41:16,269 Sometimes I try to be Kyle, but then 1161 00:41:16,269 --> 00:41:18,109 when I stand up, I fall down because 1162 00:41:18,109 --> 00:41:19,009 I can't walk. 1163 00:41:20,190 --> 00:41:21,869 See what I said? You have to be 1164 00:41:21,869 --> 00:41:23,869 funny. That's what I was talking about. Do 1165 00:41:23,869 --> 00:41:24,369 that. 1166 00:41:28,034 --> 00:41:31,414 And on, that note, my final takeaway is 1167 00:41:31,474 --> 00:41:34,195 if this left you feeling hopeless, I'm so 1168 00:41:34,195 --> 00:41:34,695 sorry, 1169 00:41:36,195 --> 00:41:38,515 because that's not how you should feel at 1170 00:41:38,515 --> 00:41:39,015 all. 1171 00:41:39,489 --> 00:41:40,530 This is done this whole episode of my 1172 00:41:40,530 --> 00:41:41,430 Obama impression. 1173 00:41:45,489 --> 00:41:47,829 Fired up. Ready to go. Ready to go. 1174 00:41:49,809 --> 00:41:50,710 Look, I 1175 00:41:52,315 --> 00:41:54,394 know how obnoxious this is going to sound, 1176 00:41:54,394 --> 00:41:56,474 but I have been the hopeless person so 1177 00:41:56,474 --> 00:41:57,295 many times, 1178 00:41:58,715 --> 00:42:01,614 and I understand it deeply. 1179 00:42:02,394 --> 00:42:02,894 And 1180 00:42:04,349 --> 00:42:06,529 I really want people listening to understand 1181 00:42:06,829 --> 00:42:07,329 that 1182 00:42:08,429 --> 00:42:10,289 no matter how much you want a relationship, 1183 00:42:10,909 --> 00:42:13,250 that is not a symbol of your worthiness 1184 00:42:13,309 --> 00:42:14,449 as a human being. 1185 00:42:14,829 --> 00:42:15,329 And 1186 00:42:16,855 --> 00:42:18,954 if you focus on your own 1187 00:42:19,335 --> 00:42:20,795 self worth first, 1188 00:42:21,894 --> 00:42:24,215 that's more important than finding someone to validate 1189 00:42:24,215 --> 00:42:25,894 it for you. And I know it sounds 1190 00:42:25,894 --> 00:42:27,335 easier to say that on the other side 1191 00:42:27,335 --> 00:42:28,775 of a relationship, but I really mean it. 1192 00:42:28,775 --> 00:42:29,974 No. But I do think that's the most 1193 00:42:29,974 --> 00:42:33,170 important piece of advice because you the person 1194 00:42:33,170 --> 00:42:35,010 can't fill a hole that you need to 1195 00:42:35,010 --> 00:42:35,829 fill for yourself. 1196 00:42:37,010 --> 00:42:39,989 Yeah. Like, you can compliment somebody. You can, 1197 00:42:40,690 --> 00:42:41,349 you know, 1198 00:42:41,730 --> 00:42:43,329 be someone's other half if that's the kind 1199 00:42:43,329 --> 00:42:45,089 of person you wanna be, but, like, you 1200 00:42:45,089 --> 00:42:45,589 can't 1201 00:42:47,454 --> 00:42:48,734 plug a hole in a boat with your 1202 00:42:48,734 --> 00:42:50,034 body because then you're suffering. 1203 00:42:50,414 --> 00:42:51,074 You know? 1204 00:42:51,934 --> 00:42:54,114 And it just Yeah. Of course you're suffering. 1205 00:42:54,175 --> 00:42:56,414 The boat is sinking, and you're the one 1206 00:42:56,414 --> 00:42:58,114 in the boat. The other person 1207 00:42:58,734 --> 00:42:59,714 in this analogy. 1208 00:43:00,175 --> 00:43:01,234 The boat is sinking. 1209 00:43:02,820 --> 00:43:05,140 What if you can't swim? What if the 1210 00:43:05,140 --> 00:43:06,440 boat isn't wheelchair accessible? 1211 00:43:07,780 --> 00:43:09,300 How did you get there in the first 1212 00:43:09,300 --> 00:43:09,800 place? 1213 00:43:11,619 --> 00:43:12,680 It had a ramp. 1214 00:43:13,460 --> 00:43:14,680 Could the boat My real 1215 00:43:14,980 --> 00:43:16,119 my real question 1216 00:43:16,420 --> 00:43:16,920 is, 1217 00:43:19,114 --> 00:43:20,635 why would you use a human to plug 1218 00:43:20,635 --> 00:43:21,695 a hole on a boat? 1219 00:43:22,474 --> 00:43:24,394 I it was an analogy that was not 1220 00:43:24,394 --> 00:43:25,775 perfect and is bad. 1221 00:43:28,714 --> 00:43:30,760 It was terrible. I love you though. It 1222 00:43:30,760 --> 00:43:32,220 was so bad. 1223 00:43:33,000 --> 00:43:33,500 Also, 1224 00:43:33,800 --> 00:43:35,019 because I'm I'm 1225 00:43:35,480 --> 00:43:38,059 I don't love boats very much. Me neither. 1226 00:43:38,360 --> 00:43:40,760 Boats are not a desail person's friend, and 1227 00:43:40,760 --> 00:43:42,360 that's okay. There are certain things that are 1228 00:43:42,360 --> 00:43:44,380 not for us. Boats are one of them. 1229 00:43:45,400 --> 00:43:46,220 Because, like, 1230 00:43:46,815 --> 00:43:50,094 if that boat goes down, like, my wheelchair 1231 00:43:50,094 --> 00:43:51,454 don't float. I mean 1232 00:43:53,214 --> 00:43:54,994 That's the title of my memoir. 1233 00:43:56,815 --> 00:44:00,300 Wow. Okay. This got this turned really quick. 1234 00:44:00,300 --> 00:44:00,800 So 1235 00:44:01,340 --> 00:44:03,440 happy Valentine's Day, everyone. 1236 00:44:04,780 --> 00:44:05,599 Hell, yeah. 1237 00:44:05,900 --> 00:44:07,579 Might we say you look good today in 1238 00:44:07,579 --> 00:44:09,360 your heart shaped red dress. 1239 00:44:09,820 --> 00:44:11,180 They don't make those. It's not a real 1240 00:44:11,180 --> 00:44:12,400 thing. How 1241 00:44:12,860 --> 00:44:14,775 is the dress heart shaped? 1242 00:44:15,174 --> 00:44:17,034 They're dressed like a Russell Sower's box. 1243 00:44:18,775 --> 00:44:20,795 This sounds really good SNL skit. 1244 00:44:21,654 --> 00:44:23,414 I saw an I saw a Russell Sower's 1245 00:44:23,414 --> 00:44:24,855 box in the store the other day that 1246 00:44:24,855 --> 00:44:25,914 said you're the goat. 1247 00:44:27,110 --> 00:44:28,710 And I pointed it out to her, and 1248 00:44:28,710 --> 00:44:30,789 I was really upset because I really was 1249 00:44:30,789 --> 00:44:31,989 like, I shouldn't have done that. I should 1250 00:44:31,989 --> 00:44:33,590 have just got that for her because it's 1251 00:44:33,590 --> 00:44:35,829 this most it's the dumbest box of chocolate 1252 00:44:35,829 --> 00:44:38,070 I've ever seen. Does it have a goat 1253 00:44:38,070 --> 00:44:40,514 on it? Yeah. It did. Oh, 1254 00:44:41,534 --> 00:44:42,594 that's kind of cute. 1255 00:44:43,295 --> 00:44:45,534 Yeah. I don't really do Valentine's day, to 1256 00:44:45,534 --> 00:44:46,675 be honest with you. 1257 00:44:47,295 --> 00:44:48,574 I don't know. We did it last year 1258 00:44:48,574 --> 00:44:49,135 and then, 1259 00:44:49,775 --> 00:44:51,454 then I don't know what we're gonna do 1260 00:44:51,454 --> 00:44:52,434 this year because, 1261 00:44:53,109 --> 00:44:53,609 because 1262 00:44:54,630 --> 00:44:55,449 stuff happened. 1263 00:44:56,869 --> 00:44:58,969 Okay. Well, you can tell me that offline, 1264 00:44:59,349 --> 00:45:02,230 but, did we already compliment everyone because you 1265 00:45:02,230 --> 00:45:03,449 do look good today? 1266 00:45:03,750 --> 00:45:04,250 Yeah. 1267 00:45:05,389 --> 00:45:06,689 Thanks so much for listening. 1268 00:45:07,229 --> 00:45:08,849 See you next time. Bye. 1269 00:45:09,389 --> 00:45:10,049 See you.