Hi. I'm Emily Ladau.
And I'm Kyle Kachidorian.
And you're listening to another episode of the
Accessible Stall. We're gonna talk about how we
found our partners. Right, Emily?
Okay. So what are we gonna talk about
today, Emily?
Well, first of all, wait. Okay.
Before we get to
relationships
and such, let's talk about,
Super Bowl recap real quick.
Go Hawks.
I
do not care about football.
I only care about the Seahawks. I'm so
happy that they won. It was the most
boring game of football I've ever watched in
my life. They eked out those points,
but it was it was fun to watch
the Patriots lose.
I
enjoyed the halftime show. I watched it for
the halftime show.
That was all I cared about. I don't
understand sports ball.
I don't know how
Bad Bunny managed to transform that stadium into
the sugarcane fields of Puerto Rico. That was,
I think, the most impressive part of what
he what he did. I also really thought
the symbolism of him literally crashing into the
into the living room of white America was
so on the nose.
Like, it was,
yeah, it was great.
I really think about it was on the
nose.
The audio on on the feed we were
watching was so bad, but they fixed it
on the YouTube version.
So I Again We were watching
on,
like,
a television channel, you know, like the old
school people do. We were we were streaming
it, but it was I mean, it's fine.
It's fine. It was just, like, notably bad,
but I love Bad Bunny.
DCMF was a great album,
and he deserves every bit of praise he
gets.
I also
think we would be remiss if we didn't
mention the fact that that couple got married
for real. Real marriage
at the Super Bowl halftime show. What then
do you know the story?
I think I read that, like, they invited
him to their wedding,
and he was like, nah. How much do
you get in it?
Yeah. Which is, like, come on, man.
You
that's, like, aura
that shouldn't exist. That's, like, powerful.
Honestly,
so cool. My absolute favorite part just because
I felt like,
how can you argue with that happiness? Like,
what a miserable person you must be.
Did you see the sports hoping that it
make you happy. Did you see the sports
center Instagram story? So No. Bad Bunny at
the end of the Super Bowl. He had
a large,
digital sign that said, the only thing greater
than hate is love, or the only thing
more powerful than hate is love. But the
sports SportsCenter official account wrote,
the only thing more powerful than love is
hate. Like, it was just an unfortunate typo.
Like, the guy the person who was doing
it just clearly it was not on purpose.
It was just, like, a mistake, but people
caught it. It was an I'm just saying,
if you ever think you have a bad
day at work, you didn't.
You know,
that's as long as it's a typo, it's
fine. But I also feel like that is
what You couldn't,
maybe.
MAGA would say. So
Yeah. But anyway,
the reason that the wedding, I think, resonates
for me in particular is just because,
I guess, we've got love on the brain
because that's what we're talking about today. So
I love baby. Let's go.
Okay.
So
why did we say we were returning this
episode? I know there was a reason. Oh,
because in the last ten minutes of her
last one, we started to talk about, like,
how people came up to you or how
people were asking you now that you've gotten
married,
how you found your husband.
And
how you just had never really
like, that was a type of information you
didn't know that you could give to people.
Well,
I'm thinking of one instance in particular where
this
guy that I met who works for
a major corporation,
really
lovely human being,
pulled me aside
at some kind of, like, happy hour event
and was like, can you give me advice
on how I can find someone? I've been
looking and I just can't find anyone.
And
I think in that moment, I was like,
you're like
a good looking guy with a nice job,
and
you're, you know,
seemingly kind,
and you're coming to
me at a work happy hour to ask
me how to find
the love of your life
because I happen to be
an engaged lady. And I'm just like,
I
I actually am not sure I have tips
for you, but, you know
I have one. Maybe not do maybe don't
do that. For starters, maybe
maybe you don't do that at functions.
A good way to
be very off putting to anyone you come
across. That's the vibe you bring to the
function.
Yes. Not me. But that is No. Not
you. Not you.
No. But I think I think I think
people can sense I don't wanna say desperation,
but, like, you know when someone is, like,
single and you can you can just tell
that they just wanna meet a human being?
And there's nothing wrong with that. But, like,
they give off a vibe. And I think
that vibe is off putting in their own
context.
I think that
we have to talk about this specifically in
the context of disability
because
I think there's
a layer of it where
because disability makes it more challenging to meet
someone.
I understand
where that sense of desperation comes from.
I feel like I have felt it at
certain points in my life, but
you're absolutely right that when you start to
give off that vibe,
that's when
I think
you run into problems
because
you seem like you just wanna
date anyone with a pulse.
And, like, I completely understand
the desire for companionship,
but
when you give off the vibe that you're
just looking for anyone and you're not looking
for someone
do you know what I mean? Mhmm. Yes,
I do.
There's
a real
chance that that's going to backfire.
And, like, I say this from personal experience
quite honestly because I would go to a
lot of
events and conferences and things for work and,
you know,
especially in the moments when I was single,
like, I'd be looking around and I'd just
be like, oh, he's cute. He's cute. Whatever.
Like, I'll talk to him. Like, I could
have a crush on him. Sure. You know?
But
that is
not the same as, like,
forging
human connection.
No. But I think there is
to that point.
That is kinda how it starts
if you're meeting a stranger.
But
you're not on a level playing field
at a work event in the same way
that you might be on a dating app
where, like, you know that you're both
potentially looking for someone, and you know that
you're both at least
surface level compatible.
So,
yeah. I don't know. It it's a weird
spot to be in when you're
I don't know. When you see a cute
stranger and you're like, oh, I wanna talk
to them. It's not something that I've really
ever done
without some kind of no. No. Without some
kind of, like, either reason or someone I
know knew them or something like that.
So I don't yeah.
I have done that,
but it's been a while.
Unkind of I'm a married lady.
But if I think back to
my first serious relationship,
who, as it happens, I met him the
same day I met you.
Oh, it's so good.
So good.
But let me tell you, that was my
day of being
brave and talking to a cute boy.
And,
then I dated him for two years. Yeah.
But even in that case, you knew people
who knew him. He wasn't he was a
stranger to you, but he wasn't like a
cold call kind of thing.
Totally. No. That's true. That's true.
Also, there was less of, like, sliding into
your DMs because this was, like, well over
a decade ago. So that was
Dude, it's
it's
weird how, like,
what it means to not I guess, not
being a relationship, but, like, what, how broadly
the word relationship has come to mean
what it means. Like, it it is umbrellaed
into, like, this enormous
term that can mean so many types of
things that, like some of which I would
never call a relationship.
Yeah. Totally. Like, if you unironically use situationship,
you're not ready to date, seriously.
It's funny because that's the word that popped
into my head.
But in terms of, like, actual
concrete tips,
I mean, I think that for me,
especially
in the context of dating apps,
my biggest tip is to be straightforward
and to not
hide aspects of yourself and then drop them
on people
like a bomb, because
that was my original approach where I would
be like,
oh, and by the way, now that we've
been talking and seem like we're hitting it
off, I should tell you that I'm a
wheelchair user.
And then
they'd be like,
what?
So you stole my
next question, but go ahead. Go ahead. That's
a you problem, not a me problem.
Like, you're reacting like that. But, also, I
kind of get it because
it's like,
if I felt this need to hide something
about myself,
I'm not starting off
the right way anyway.
I don't know about that.
I don't know about that. To me, it
would be like, you know the world's enablers
place, and you're, like,
presenting yourself in a in a way that,
like, yes, is not authentic. Yes. It's a
little white lie, but you are you're doing
it in the context of a world that
doesn't like people like us. I don't think
that counts. But
I have a question for you. Okay. Everything
you just said, did you disclose? Because I
can see a world where you didn't, like,
spell it out, but you have pictures of
yourself
that
have you in a wheelchair because that's just
how you navigate the world, and you didn't,
like, say it.
I could also see a world where you
did spell it out and also have pictures
of your in your wheelchair.
Because I think you in pictures is a
disclosure, but I don't know if men on
dating apps would would find that to be
true. You'd be surprised how much men miss
on dating apps. But Well, they don't really
I mean
so at first, I, like, left it out
entirely
and cropped it out of my photos. No
mention on my profile.
Interesting.
Something like that. Yeah. No. There's like a
progression for sure.
Then
finally,
I
started to, like, hint at it in my
profile. I think that OkCupid
used to have something
that was like, oh,
what six things can't you live without? And
so I was like, the invention of the
wheel.
You know?
And then,
finally,
I started
putting it in pictures.
And then I, like, wrote a whole thing
out about it in my profile
where
I was trying to, like,
convince people that they should get to know
me for me and not let my disability
be something that stopped them.
And then How do you feel about that
now?
What? How do you feel about that statement
now?
That was, like, me doing the most. That
was so extra. Like
Okay. At this point. But also, it was
a product of the time too because on
OkCupid,
the point was to be verbose.
Like,
God, I know it's so different now. Have
more.
Then I started using Hinge
and on Hinge,
it's like use less, like say less, don't
say very much. You know, in your profile.
Like, it's very straightforward
what the questions were.
And
so I think at that point, it was
like, on my
profile in the sense of, like,
you can see it in the picture,
and I say that I live life on
wheels.
I just feel like it's a literacy test,
which I think which I disagree with as,
like, a policy position, but I do agree
with as a dating app position.
Wait. It's different for you than for me
because no picture Yeah. Disclose
that you have a disability. So what did
you do?
Oh, that's a great question.
I didn't.
I I didn't disclose.
I didn't disclose at all.
It's funny though. I
Katie, she I told her immediately, and and
it was partially because I I there was
something about her that I was like, oh,
this is a cool person.
But the more true at the time answer
is that I had a bad pain day
on the day that was supposed to be
our first date. So I was like, hey.
Look. I know this is I know how
this is gonna sound,
but I need to reschedule for the exact
same time tomorrow.
Please don't look in don't think too hard
about this. I promise I'm still gonna be
there. And she was like, yep. Cool. See
you then.
And that
I obviously didn't know it at the time,
but that was like, oh,
okay. Like, I didn't need to really disclose
anything, but bad pain day is pretty
you don't need to know what I got
to know that I got something.
And
the fact that she was just like, whatever,
was, like,
really nice.
That is such a green flag.
I know.
So sick.
Yeah. See,
that's so interesting
to me
because
my disclosure
came out in, like,
bits and pieces sometimes. Like, I'd have to
actively, if I was planning a date with
someone, be like, and by the way, it
needs to be wheelchair accessible. You know? Like
Is that a bit and piece to you
if someone says
Because I feel like people really do not
think about this. They, like, see the wheelchair
and, like, don't make the connection.
Alright. Okay.
Seriously. I believe you. I believe you. It's
just that's
wild is all.
Yeah. So but for you, I feel like
that was yeah. Maybe a disclosure of something,
but you weren't like and I have CP
and, like so so you didn't
did you ever tell your dates beforehand,
like, you will notice when I walk?
No.
Yeah. No.
Because, like, my litmus test is if you
can't figure it out
on the date,
then you're kinda
dumb.
Because, like, I
I look disabled, like, when I walk. I'm
like, if you can't if you if you
don't have if you don't have it in
you to ask me,
then I'm like, you gotta believe in yourself.
You gotta you gotta know it's okay
to Did Katie ask you? Like, how No.
No. But but because she was so cool
about it, I was like, I can tell
her.
Like, because she was cool about the pain
day thing, I knew I had a I
I knew I had at least one thing
to talk about. She's gonna wanna know what
that meant, so I, like, brought it up
during our first date. I did that. But
for other matches, I didn't say anything, and
it came up. Like, they would see you
walk and they go, why do you walk
like that? So one of them even said,
why do you or do you have cerebral
palsy? Which I was like,
I'm a lot more interested in how you
saw that and why you called it by
its government name.
Who do you know that I know? And
it turned out, there was someone that we
both knew. It was really weird. We all
do know each other. Of course.
Yeah. It was I didn't like that.
But
but,
but, yeah,
it was I didn't need to disclose too
much. There was one person who,
you know, we we just were instantly kinda
like friends. You you know, you meet someone,
it was flirty, and then we met, and
we're just, like, hitting it off as friends.
It was fine. But she was also very
cool about it. She was like, oh, do
you do you need help? You look like
you need help. And I was like, you
know what? I do. I do need help.
Thank you so much for helping me.
Yeah. I feel like it's
it's true that it is a litmus test
to see, like, how chill somebody is, but,
I can't
imagine
for me
showing Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. With a big
honking piece of mobility equipment attached to my
butt that I had never said anything about
and being like, hello.
Notice I think Oh, this I just got
it yesterday. Yeah. Uh-oh. This thing?
Yeah. Turns out I'm in this for a
while.
It's a lot of getting used to for
both of us.
So
I mean, my but my tip here, like,
if we're going for actual tips
is do what feels right for you in
terms of disclosure.
But quite frankly, like,
if you are
hiding something
and
not willing to be honest at a certain
point,
then
I do think it's going to make it
more challenging in the long run.
I agree, but, like, it depends on what
it is. And and I'm not I'm not
saying don't
be honest, obviously, but, like, I just it's
an ableist world, man. I can totally see
why somebody wouldn't do that. Of course. Of
course. Like, protect your peace first.
But you're still right.
Yeah. I don't know. There is no right
answer here because also my right answer, like,
changed dramatically.
Yeah. I went from, like,
hide every instance
of it to, like,
if you don't see this tank that I'm
sitting in, then,
you know Well, then you have a disability
too, my brother. That's,
that is,
we're we're both gonna learn something about ourselves
today.
But yeah. I mean, what other, like,
practical
advice is there for finding someone? Because people
really do come to me and ask to
be honest.
I have one.
Yeah? You you gotta be funny.
You gotta be funny? You have to be
funny. You have to be funny. It's it's
disarming. People are intimidated by disability. They're a
little bit threatened or not threatened, but, like,
they're scared of it. You have to I
know you shouldn't I know you shouldn't. Everyone
knows you shouldn't have to. This is the
world we live in. You gotta be funny.
You gotta
make them feel comfortable around you even though
you should not have to do that. But,
also, I'm gonna say something.
On a date,
you you should. You should. Just forget, like,
what you should and should not have to
do as a salesperson in society. If you're
dating somebody or trying to date somebody,
you should try to make them feel comfortable
with you fast.
It'll go better if you do.
I mean, that's a meet people
halfway kinda thing. Like,
you know, I can,
for sure,
do what I do to disarm you,
but if you're not responding
what a choice of words.
Yeah. Well
If you're not responding
to
my
efforts
at humor
or if, like, you don't vibe with the
jokes, then I
don't know what to tell you because I
tried.
You're not for me.
I'm a goofball.
Right.
Like, I
am the first person
who will make jokes about my disability.
So if you're not Oh. Up with that,
then,
like,
Anken, I would
have a question for you. Okay.
So you've been with Brandon for how long
ish?
Three years.
Great.
When was the first time he made a
disability joke at your expense first before you
did? Because that's, like, that's a big, like,
let's see how far I could push this.
I mean, I wish I could, like, pinpoint
exactly what it was. No. Yeah. Yeah. Obviously.
Now it is every day. Yeah. Of course.
Unfortunately.
And just in case anybody thinks that, like,
that's a problem, I do not think into
the problem. I think it is so funny.
I think it's a mark of trust if
you can do that.
You know, I think
early on in the relationship,
he figured out that my excuse for when
I don't wanna do something
is I'm disabled
and
that will get him to do something or
another person in my vicinity to do the
thing for me. And so I think that
was one of the earliest jokes that he
made and it was definitely before the year
mark where Did he say you're disabled?
Or No. I think he was mocking me.
He was like, oh, wait. I'm so disabled.
I can't do it.
Oh, that's
I am.
Yeah.
And I mean, now, like, the jokes fly.
And also,
I love that for me
because
humor is how I cope with pretty much
everything that my body does.
So,
yeah, I think that's actually a really, really
good tip.
I don't think that it's your job to,
like, force someone to feel comfortable with you,
but I think that No forcing anything. But,
like, you gotta
let them in. You gotta, you know Yeah.
If you're not comfortable with yourself
and if you can't laugh at yourself That's
it.
Then
I think trying to be in a relationship
is going to be more challenging.
Because
I also think people look to
relationships
as, like, a form of,
like, you're not a whole person until you're
in a relationship.
God. That's that's such a wrong thing, man.
Like And also, like Gotta be a old
person first.
I know disabled people specifically, and I I
know this is true for everybody, but I
think I it wouldn't surprise me if this
was somehow more common with us where, like,
people are afraid to be vulnerable. And so
they're like, well, I don't really know what
I want, but I like the idea of
having someone. And it's
like, you gotta
be okay with being vulnerable.
And I know that's hard for us. That's
why I'm making this point. It's really, really
extra hard for us because
of all the other things we've said in
the hundreds of episodes we've done. But
you gotta do it, man. You gotta do
it. It's the only way.
Yeah. I think if you're not being honest
with yourself,
you're not gonna be able to be honest
with another person.
Yeah. Exactly.
Also,
I think another thing that comes to mind
is like,
I this is more like how to keep
someone than how to find someone.
But, like, in terms of the keeping someone,
like,
let that person in.
I think and this goes along with what
you were saying about being vulnerable, but,
you know, pretty quickly,
I think Brandon
came to understand
things about
my needs and how my body and how
my mind functions.
And
if something wasn't working for me, I told
him
as opposed to, like, letting
it slide
and trying to, like, push through it because
you don't want someone in the early days
to develop expectations of you that you cannot
sustain
because that's God, I know. How you usually
show up in the world.
I know. That's that's that you know what?
That's a lesson you learn.
A hard one for sure.
Mhmm.
Man, I don't know. How else do you
keep a person?
I don't know how to do this. I
mean, I'm doing it, but I don't know
how I'm doing it.
I don't know. Was it I I can't
even remember anything that was in my Bumble
profile. Like, truly.
I can't. Yeah. I mean, enough of how
I think I said professional yapper, which I
will say did get the kind of attention
I wanted,
and it is also true.
Like, that's not just me saying I talk
a lot. Like, I'm a professional. Like, I'm
you know, we're doing it right now. Like
Professional yapper. Yeah. I think I do remember
you telling me that.
Do you
remember
the first things that you and Katie said
to each other?
Yeah.
I mean, I have a screenshot of what
I said. I I don't. But after hello,
it was,
I can tell that you're holding a cake,
but I can't tell what it was because
it was just like a gray blob.
And then she said,
it's an astronaut it's a it's an asteroid
cake or an asteroid pie.
And I
I sat up
in my bed at, like, what must have
been 11:30 or, like yeah. I now know.
I I used to say it was 01:30AM.
I now know that she would be very
asleep at that hour.
And
I sent a voice note, which is not
something I would which is not something I
do immediately,
but I was like, hey.
Hey. I I think I found out some
information about you just now.
And I was right.
And we just started talking from there. It
was it was cool.
Oh, okay. Here's my best actual life hack.
Get Kyle to record your first voice note
because the man has a voice for radio.
I I really, like, didn't use it as,
like, a move.
It was just like Oh, no. Of course.
I know. I think I figured it out.
And I was like, I'm I'm excited that
I think I
found out something this early. And and which
is by the way, like, looking back on
that, very weird. Like, in retrospect, I shouldn't
have been that excited.
But she entertained it. And, crucially, I was
right. So
that that that was a nice icebreaker.
The fact that, like,
it was not there was nothing it was
not a secret. It was just, like, not
something you'd immediately put on your profile.
And
Well, also,
this kind of points to another thing that
I think about a lot which is, like,
put some effort in. Well, that's the thing,
man. The The intention.
Plenty of people
who I know
who are trying to find a partner are
like, it's so hard.
Like, yeah, actually, it is.
It is challenging.
Like,
I worked
really hard at
figuring out how to communicate with people
on the dating apps. And
I got fed up with it after a
while, but I tried to
write, like, thoughtful
messages
and engage thoughtfully.
It'll work?
Yes. Because
I actually
read people's profiles
and
I saw that, you know, Brandon said that
he loves books, movies, and policy.
And it was right around
Christmas time, and so he was having himself
a little Jewish Christmas.
And everyone should know that Kyle is showing
me his girlfriend's cat right now.
He would want you to see him.
This has absolutely
nothing to do with the show,
but just to marry a black cat.
He's running around.
I got distracted because I liked the cat.
Oh, so, like, I sent a thoughtful message
to Brandon being like, hey. You know, assuming
I can ask how your, you know, Jewish
Christmas was,
did you, you know, see a movie and
eat Chinese food? And, like, that hit the
nail on the head for him. And granted,
like, that was very specific.
But don't just say hello
and expect that it's always gonna work out.
I think I did just say hello, but
I definitely
immediately was like, what is that thing that
you like, I can tell you put effort
into it. What is it? I mean, hello
is fine, but it should be like,
hello and then maybe put a little effort
into it.
The first match I ever had on any
app was Bumble, and I matched with somebody
whose favorite hobby was sleeping. And I thought,
oh, what a quirky person
to to say that. And then, like, the
only thing she talked to me about was
sleeping. And I was like, this is not
real. This is like, I'm being punked. This
is someone I know.
And I was like, oh, this is gonna
be how it is.
And for the most part, it was.
I also love sleeping. But Yeah. I know.
But it can't be your only hobby.
It's not the most interesting thing about me.
It is, I found,
incredibly difficult for me to,
like, write about myself, period. Do it in
a way that is,
like,
kind of braggy, but also charming, but also
not boring, but also, like, not off putting,
but also attractive
in in in in with these, like, pithy
one liner things and, like, it it's so
weird.
It's so weird.
Yeah. I I don't
I'm the people who have to do it,
but I also really don't want people
listening to take a defeatist attitude towards it
either because
I mean,
both of us had to work at it.
Yeah.
It was worth it though. Yeah. Of course.
And I'm not just saying that because she's
gonna listen to this. I like, it it
really, like
I and it was funny because, like, I'd
done it so little that I was, like,
not entirely burnt out on the concept of
a dating app yet. Although, I was
very rapidly approaching.
But it was still kind of fun a
little bit to to do that.
So yeah.
Yeah. That's the other thing. Don't take it
so seriously.
Oh, god. You can't.
You can take your pursuit like, if you
really wanna find a person, that's what you
take seriously in the same way that you
can take finding a job seriously, although it's
not the same thing. Like, the concept is
something you can take seriously, but, like,
you yourself
on the apps is just, like, you're not
just relax. Just chill out.
And also,
if somebody is being
awful to you or if somebody is not
giving
you anything to work with,
don't keep wasting your time on that person.
God, I know. I it's so dude. Yeah.
Yeah.
But also, I really feel like there are
gonna be people who are listening to this
and they're gonna be like, yeah. Well, you
both have your people, so
stop talking to me. No. I'm not gonna
sound talking to you. I'm we're proof that
it works.
You open your listening ears.
Also
though, like,
proof that it's not that simple either. Like
I don't, I think when people come to
me and they're like, okay, how do you
find someone?
You know,
I tried really hard.
And I and I and I then I
did it. One thing one mystery that I
never figured out was that,
I matched with a lot of poly women,
and I don't I don't know what it
is. One of them told me I had
a poly face.
I'll I'll never forget that. I What?
I don't know. I think about that maybe
once a week. Nope. You are. Like, it's
a curse.
Sure. I'm monogamous. But No. I am. But,
like, that's the thing. I'm like, I what
did you look at how can I change
my appearance so that I don't
Oh my god? Okay.
So my
dear sweet husband
is a therapist as I've probably mentioned
on this show.
And,
he is
someone he works with,
queer people,
and he's very, like, polyamory
affirming.
So, like, if you find his profile
for, like, his therapy
work,
online, which I did because I Googled him
pretty early on.
And
it says that one of his, like, specialties
in therapy is working with polyamorous couples.
Or will it get polyamorous
people in relationships because you wouldn't just be
a couple.
So working with polyamorous people.
And
I was like, no.
Not because I think anything wrong like, anything
wrong with that. No. It's just that for
you. Yeah. And I was, like, automatically assuming
that because he was affirming also meant that
he was poly.
So I just nipped that in the bud
real quick, and I was like, are you
poly? And he was like, no.
Is that the first question you sat down
at the table?
No. But I I asked him pretty soon
after because I was like, I cannot do
that.
I think the way that
her mom found out that I was disabled
was that she
Googled. No. No. No. I'm gonna get the
story. She's gonna hear this, and she would
be like, that's not what it was.
I think how she her mom found her
podcast because she Googled my name and cerebral
palsy. No. No. She Googled Kyle and then
cerebral palsy. That's it. And then she found
this
show, and
that was a that was so
that just the fact that you could do
that was so weird.
I mean, that would be like if I
googled Emily wheelchair and found our podcast. And
you know what? I've never done that. Maybe
you can. Hold on. I'm googling Emily wheelchair.
Nope. Not me.
Thank god. Not yet. Emily Emily wheelchair,
but it does bring up an Emily that
I know.
Well, some of us can't be so lucky.
Yeah.
Not me oh, I'm I'm a little I'm
a little
You're down there? Yeah. I'm on the first
page of Google results.
That's, that's
unsettling.
Wait. I wanna Google Kyle's cerebral palsy. What's
what's a piece of advice you'd give to
a disabled person on the apps?
Throw your phone into the ocean?
Yeah. No. That's a good one.
Okay. Was
Google AI a thing
back when
Yeah. Maybe. My mom Googled this? Because the
first person who comes up is Kyle Pease,
an inspirational
athlete born with spastic quadriplegic
cerebral palsy. Thank god. I'm so that's thrilling.
He It's not me. He's in Ironman
triathlon
and endurance races along with his brother, Brent.
Quit bragging. Okay.
Oh,
of the amazing story of Kyle Miller overcoming
cerebral palsy.
Great.
You love to see it. How do you
do that?
It I would really love to know how
you overcome cerebral palsy.
Yeah.
My advice for people on apps would be,
be funny. I know I said that already,
but it's very important.
Would you call that your final takeaway?
Yeah. I would.
I really would. And I would say that
my other final takeaway is, if you keep
getting rejected on dating apps and you have
date money burning a hole in your pocket,
subscribe to us on Patreon. Just $1 a
month of interest in all current future episodes
of the accessible still remain acceptable.
Right. But you know what? You won't get
you won't keep getting rejected because you're worthy,
and you know you're worth king queen
and, royalty for R and B pals.
I
thought
you were gonna say,
if you have money to burn,
maybe invest it in, like, a subscription to
a dating app or, like,
I did subscribe to Bumble, and I didn't
want to. I had this irrational fear that
I would swipe the incorrect direction on someone
who I thought was very pretty or funny.
And you know what? I did that a
couple times. So I'm I I gotta be
honest. I'm glad I'm glad I,
did that,
but I did not do that with with
Katie. So it was all for nothing in
the end.
Oh, see, I paid for my,
subscription
to Hinge, and Brandon paid for his subscription
to Hinge. And I think that they,
like,
show you the better people when you pay,
which is infuriating.
So
yeah.
Well, they do. They showed me her. So
The
buy you a subscription? But she did not
pay for me. I paid for her. Wow.
You were a bargain.
I know.
Did we say one
useful thing?
Yeah. I don't know what it is, but
we definitely had a useful thing in there
somewhere.
I'm only asking because, like,
I'm thinking of
me listening to this when I'm looking for
someone being like, help me. Okay. But it
dude, honestly, if that if that's you and
you really thought we were gonna provide you
a five step plan, that's kind of the
problem. Like, it's it's honestly not easy.
It's not easy. You have to work on
yourself, and what what that looks like is
different per person. If that's,
you know, making sure
that you look nice or making sure that
your PCA leaves you alone during a date
or, you know, making sure that you if
you're not good with social cues, you learn
a couple that are commonly associated with dates
or, you know, practicing your type five that
you tell it your date on your, don't
do that,
you know, in the mirror and and, you
know, learning how to do stuff like that.
Like, it's all very individual, and having a
disability makes it harder. So you need to
unfortunately, you do need to, like, practice and
be the best you can be, and it's
not fair. And I don't like it, and
Emily doesn't like it, but that is the
way it is.
Yeah. I'm glad you said we don't like
it because I was thinking about the thing
with, like, the social cues, and that's so
frustrating.
It is, man. It's not it's look. It's
not
I hate it, but it is the world
we live in.
And if they've ever listened to anything we've
ever said, they know that we know we
wouldn't like that.
Yeah.
I
wanna be, like,
f conforming, but
I don't know, man. Yeah. But but not
for dating. You can't
I mean, yes for dating, but, like
I just feel like sometimes it's unavoidable.
Yes. Because we live in this is gonna
be this is making me sound like a
conservative. I'm not a conservative, but, like, but
you, like, it's yeah. Sometimes you just gotta
be a person.
Don't change who you are, though.
Yes. Exactly. Need to be inauthentic.
I think there's a difference there.
Like,
understanding how to navigate the dating world, I
think,
is different than, like,
pretending to be someone you're not. Don't pretend
to be someone you're not.
Yeah. In fact, sometimes I pretend to be
Emile Laddow, and it just doesn't work out.
Sometimes I try to be Kyle, but then
when I stand up, I fall down because
I can't walk.
See what I said? You have to be
funny. That's what I was talking about. Do
that.
And on, that note, my final takeaway is
if this left you feeling hopeless, I'm so
sorry,
because that's not how you should feel at
all.
This is done this whole episode of my
Obama impression.
Fired up. Ready to go. Ready to go.
Look, I
know how obnoxious this is going to sound,
but I have been the hopeless person so
many times,
and I understand it deeply.
And
I really want people listening to understand
that
no matter how much you want a relationship,
that is not a symbol of your worthiness
as a human being.
And
if you focus on your own
self worth first,
that's more important than finding someone to validate
it for you. And I know it sounds
easier to say that on the other side
of a relationship, but I really mean it.
No. But I do think that's the most
important piece of advice because you the person
can't fill a hole that you need to
fill for yourself.
Yeah. Like, you can compliment somebody. You can,
you know,
be someone's other half if that's the kind
of person you wanna be, but, like, you
can't
plug a hole in a boat with your
body because then you're suffering.
You know?
And it just Yeah. Of course you're suffering.
The boat is sinking, and you're the one
in the boat. The other person
in this analogy.
The boat is sinking.
What if you can't swim? What if the
boat isn't wheelchair accessible?
How did you get there in the first
place?
It had a ramp.
Could the boat My real
my real question
is,
why would you use a human to plug
a hole on a boat?
I it was an analogy that was not
perfect and is bad.
It was terrible. I love you though. It
was so bad.
Also,
because I'm I'm
I don't love boats very much. Me neither.
Boats are not a desail person's friend, and
that's okay. There are certain things that are
not for us. Boats are one of them.
Because, like,
if that boat goes down, like, my wheelchair
don't float. I mean
That's the title of my memoir.
Wow. Okay. This got this turned really quick.
So
happy Valentine's Day, everyone.
Hell, yeah.
Might we say you look good today in
your heart shaped red dress.
They don't make those. It's not a real
thing. How
is the dress heart shaped?
They're dressed like a Russell Sower's box.
This sounds really good SNL skit.
I saw an I saw a Russell Sower's
box in the store the other day that
said you're the goat.
And I pointed it out to her, and
I was really upset because I really was
like, I shouldn't have done that. I should
have just got that for her because it's
this most it's the dumbest box of chocolate
I've ever seen. Does it have a goat
on it? Yeah. It did. Oh,
that's kind of cute.
Yeah. I don't really do Valentine's day, to
be honest with you.
I don't know. We did it last year
and then,
then I don't know what we're gonna do
this year because,
because
stuff happened.
Okay. Well, you can tell me that offline,
but, did we already compliment everyone because you
do look good today?
Yeah.
Thanks so much for listening.
See you next time. Bye.
See you.