1 00:00:01,280 --> 00:00:03,220 I had picked up, unfortunately, 2 00:00:03,759 --> 00:00:05,779 from my upbringing patterns of 3 00:00:06,080 --> 00:00:07,940 negativity, judgment, critique. 4 00:00:08,960 --> 00:00:09,460 Somehow, 5 00:00:09,759 --> 00:00:12,880 some part of me recognized that that had 6 00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:13,539 to change 7 00:00:13,994 --> 00:00:16,554 and I had to fall madly in love 8 00:00:16,554 --> 00:00:17,375 with myself. 9 00:00:17,835 --> 00:00:20,554 It wasn't about anybody else seeing me or 10 00:00:20,554 --> 00:00:24,175 validating me. I had to be the one 11 00:00:24,394 --> 00:00:27,755 for me. And when I got that, everything 12 00:00:27,755 --> 00:00:28,255 changed. 13 00:00:29,620 --> 00:00:32,340 Welcome, everybody. My name is Drew Horning, and 14 00:00:32,340 --> 00:00:35,399 this podcast is called Love's Everyday Radius. 15 00:00:36,100 --> 00:00:38,200 It's brought to you by the Hoffman Institute, 16 00:00:38,420 --> 00:00:41,079 and it's stories and anecdotes 17 00:00:41,895 --> 00:00:43,274 and people we interview 18 00:00:43,734 --> 00:00:46,375 about their life post process and how it 19 00:00:46,375 --> 00:00:49,034 lives in the world radiating love. 20 00:00:50,454 --> 00:00:54,549 This podcast contains discussion of sensitive topics, including 21 00:00:55,009 --> 00:00:57,750 disordered eating. Please use your discretion. 22 00:01:06,930 --> 00:01:09,349 Hey, everybody. Welcome to the Hoffman podcast. 23 00:01:09,915 --> 00:01:10,415 Tamsen 24 00:01:10,795 --> 00:01:12,495 is with us. Welcome, Tamsen. 25 00:01:12,875 --> 00:01:14,475 Thank you, Drew. It's a joy to be 26 00:01:14,475 --> 00:01:16,814 here. I am super excited 27 00:01:17,115 --> 00:01:18,094 for this conversation. 28 00:01:19,034 --> 00:01:19,534 And 29 00:01:19,915 --> 00:01:23,135 in trying to figure out where it starts, 30 00:01:23,780 --> 00:01:25,400 maybe let's go to 31 00:01:26,019 --> 00:01:26,519 you 32 00:01:26,819 --> 00:01:27,719 post process. 33 00:01:28,500 --> 00:01:30,340 You come out of the process. You had 34 00:01:30,340 --> 00:01:31,239 a good experience. 35 00:01:32,340 --> 00:01:33,239 You're enjoying 36 00:01:33,859 --> 00:01:34,359 life. 37 00:01:35,219 --> 00:01:35,959 And then 38 00:01:36,659 --> 00:01:37,479 soon thereafter, 39 00:01:38,255 --> 00:01:40,335 you go into pattern. Take us to that 40 00:01:40,335 --> 00:01:43,055 moment. What happens? You know, you've you hear 41 00:01:43,055 --> 00:01:44,115 this saying, 42 00:01:44,655 --> 00:01:47,075 everywhere you go, there you are. 43 00:01:47,694 --> 00:01:49,875 That's exactly what happened. I 44 00:01:50,659 --> 00:01:53,959 had a few days of that Hoffman high 45 00:01:54,099 --> 00:01:56,119 post process, feel incredible, 46 00:01:56,819 --> 00:01:57,879 fly back home, 47 00:01:58,340 --> 00:01:59,399 get back into 48 00:01:59,859 --> 00:02:00,359 routine, 49 00:02:00,739 --> 00:02:01,879 familiar environment, 50 00:02:02,899 --> 00:02:03,399 habits, 51 00:02:04,355 --> 00:02:04,855 and 52 00:02:05,475 --> 00:02:08,275 it took me back to where I was 53 00:02:08,275 --> 00:02:11,474 before I left for the process, which was 54 00:02:11,474 --> 00:02:12,775 that feeling of dread, 55 00:02:13,235 --> 00:02:14,375 that difficulty 56 00:02:14,754 --> 00:02:17,699 getting out of bed, that, oh, no. 57 00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:20,659 It's another thing that didn't work for me. 58 00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:22,180 And it was devastating 59 00:02:22,719 --> 00:02:24,419 because I think we lose 60 00:02:24,879 --> 00:02:25,379 perspective 61 00:02:26,240 --> 00:02:29,379 when it feels that big and that heavy. 62 00:02:29,439 --> 00:02:31,460 And after trying for so 63 00:02:31,844 --> 00:02:33,625 long to move past it, 64 00:02:33,925 --> 00:02:35,544 it seemed to be a temporary 65 00:02:36,884 --> 00:02:40,025 relief. And, oh, no, my old friend again. 66 00:02:40,644 --> 00:02:43,544 I'm thinking about you post process, and 67 00:02:43,924 --> 00:02:46,344 maybe you almost feel worse because 68 00:02:47,159 --> 00:02:49,959 it's like I thought I had it, and 69 00:02:49,959 --> 00:02:51,259 yet it was elusive. 70 00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:52,939 Here I am again, 71 00:02:53,400 --> 00:02:56,139 and now maybe you're more discouraged 72 00:02:56,439 --> 00:02:58,219 about the possibility of change. 73 00:02:58,599 --> 00:03:00,939 I think there was a deep shame 74 00:03:01,800 --> 00:03:02,300 because 75 00:03:03,135 --> 00:03:05,314 I was shouting from the rooftops 76 00:03:06,014 --> 00:03:09,455 how I'm a new me. I feel brand 77 00:03:09,455 --> 00:03:11,314 new. I feel so refreshed. 78 00:03:12,415 --> 00:03:12,915 And 79 00:03:13,375 --> 00:03:15,074 it felt so fleeting. 80 00:03:15,455 --> 00:03:16,115 And then 81 00:03:16,574 --> 00:03:18,355 I didn't wanna tell anybody 82 00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:21,500 I'm back to the old me. I feel 83 00:03:21,879 --> 00:03:25,180 awful. I can't function. There was so much 84 00:03:25,239 --> 00:03:26,699 shame with that. 85 00:03:27,319 --> 00:03:29,080 And so I did what I always do. 86 00:03:29,080 --> 00:03:29,739 I isolated. 87 00:03:30,919 --> 00:03:31,419 Honestly, 88 00:03:31,719 --> 00:03:34,574 when it feels that dark, it can be 89 00:03:34,574 --> 00:03:36,194 difficult to get up, 90 00:03:36,495 --> 00:03:37,555 put on something, 91 00:03:38,174 --> 00:03:39,394 get out of the house, 92 00:03:39,854 --> 00:03:40,354 and 93 00:03:40,734 --> 00:03:43,375 all of the simple little things became a 94 00:03:43,375 --> 00:03:46,014 struggle again even to take a walk around 95 00:03:46,014 --> 00:03:48,389 the block. And there was really so much 96 00:03:48,789 --> 00:03:49,289 shame 97 00:03:49,750 --> 00:03:50,250 because 98 00:03:51,189 --> 00:03:53,930 the feeling when you're going through that is, 99 00:03:54,870 --> 00:03:57,270 why can I not get this right? Why 100 00:03:57,270 --> 00:04:00,310 is this easy for everybody else? And here 101 00:04:00,310 --> 00:04:01,209 I am again. 102 00:04:01,685 --> 00:04:04,485 It's like, what's wrong with me? It's what's 103 00:04:04,485 --> 00:04:05,625 wrong with me, 104 00:04:06,324 --> 00:04:08,245 and I'll never get out of this. I'm 105 00:04:08,245 --> 00:04:10,884 the only one that's broken, and there's no 106 00:04:10,884 --> 00:04:13,384 solution for me. You feel so isolated 107 00:04:13,844 --> 00:04:16,564 in that moment. I felt so isolated in 108 00:04:16,564 --> 00:04:17,225 that moment, 109 00:04:17,819 --> 00:04:20,479 And I had been to so many 110 00:04:20,779 --> 00:04:21,839 personal development 111 00:04:22,300 --> 00:04:25,419 seminars, read every book. I had devoted so 112 00:04:25,419 --> 00:04:26,879 many years to 113 00:04:27,339 --> 00:04:28,879 figuring this out. 114 00:04:29,339 --> 00:04:30,105 And that 115 00:04:30,665 --> 00:04:34,025 excitement and joy of finally this was the 116 00:04:34,025 --> 00:04:34,525 one 117 00:04:35,305 --> 00:04:36,205 was not. 118 00:04:36,904 --> 00:04:38,285 Oh my gosh. 119 00:04:39,064 --> 00:04:40,904 I get the struggle to get out of 120 00:04:40,904 --> 00:04:42,925 bed, but what old patterns 121 00:04:43,670 --> 00:04:44,170 reemerged 122 00:04:44,790 --> 00:04:47,290 in that here we go again? 123 00:04:48,149 --> 00:04:48,810 You know, 124 00:04:49,509 --> 00:04:51,129 I had been struggling 125 00:04:51,589 --> 00:04:53,129 with that specifically 126 00:04:53,509 --> 00:04:55,370 since I was a very young girl. 127 00:04:56,230 --> 00:04:57,129 I remember 128 00:04:58,365 --> 00:05:00,705 a very large part of my childhood 129 00:05:01,085 --> 00:05:01,904 was spent 130 00:05:02,205 --> 00:05:02,705 sleeping 131 00:05:03,564 --> 00:05:04,064 excessively, 132 00:05:04,925 --> 00:05:05,425 which 133 00:05:06,285 --> 00:05:07,904 was normal to me. 134 00:05:08,525 --> 00:05:09,904 It was only really 135 00:05:10,205 --> 00:05:12,605 much later in life looking back that I 136 00:05:12,605 --> 00:05:13,105 realized, 137 00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:14,420 hang on. 138 00:05:14,959 --> 00:05:18,420 That's signs of depression. That's not normal. That's 139 00:05:18,480 --> 00:05:21,060 not something that a child should be doing. 140 00:05:21,439 --> 00:05:22,580 It just became 141 00:05:22,959 --> 00:05:26,660 so familiar and followed me through life 142 00:05:27,199 --> 00:05:27,699 that 143 00:05:28,604 --> 00:05:30,944 it was just the way that I adapted 144 00:05:31,004 --> 00:05:33,024 and functioned and lived. 145 00:05:34,365 --> 00:05:35,584 Besides that, 146 00:05:36,125 --> 00:05:38,524 I think you stack on all the other 147 00:05:38,524 --> 00:05:40,064 patterns, all the other habits. 148 00:05:41,099 --> 00:05:44,800 I had such a terrible relationship with food. 149 00:05:45,579 --> 00:05:48,079 From that same young age, 150 00:05:48,620 --> 00:05:50,379 there's no other word for it other than 151 00:05:50,379 --> 00:05:51,120 I binged, 152 00:05:51,659 --> 00:05:54,539 but it wasn't apparent to anybody else because 153 00:05:54,539 --> 00:05:56,079 I never gained weight. 154 00:05:56,665 --> 00:05:58,024 I feel like I should have been a 155 00:05:58,024 --> 00:06:00,925 few hundred pounds with the amount of emotional 156 00:06:01,145 --> 00:06:03,785 eating I did throughout my lifetime. Now it 157 00:06:03,785 --> 00:06:06,605 was never consistent, but it was always recurring. 158 00:06:07,145 --> 00:06:09,884 That's an interesting distinction you made there. It's 159 00:06:10,220 --> 00:06:11,040 never consistent 160 00:06:11,740 --> 00:06:12,560 but always 161 00:06:13,019 --> 00:06:13,519 recurring. 162 00:06:14,220 --> 00:06:15,680 It was a feast 163 00:06:16,060 --> 00:06:16,560 famine 164 00:06:16,939 --> 00:06:17,439 situation 165 00:06:17,819 --> 00:06:19,279 and that followed 166 00:06:20,539 --> 00:06:21,680 my money 167 00:06:22,154 --> 00:06:24,714 and it created the same pattern. So it 168 00:06:24,714 --> 00:06:27,355 was weight and it was finances, and those 169 00:06:27,355 --> 00:06:29,995 were the two areas of life that I 170 00:06:29,995 --> 00:06:34,014 ran that same pattern, extreme highs, extreme lows. 171 00:06:34,154 --> 00:06:36,975 It manifests in different areas of your life. 172 00:06:37,650 --> 00:06:38,629 What was happening 173 00:06:39,009 --> 00:06:40,790 in those moments post process 174 00:06:41,170 --> 00:06:42,949 where you really thought you had failed 175 00:06:43,569 --> 00:06:46,069 the process, and here we go again back 176 00:06:46,449 --> 00:06:47,750 in this struggle 177 00:06:48,050 --> 00:06:48,550 place 178 00:06:49,090 --> 00:06:50,790 after yet another workshop, 179 00:06:51,555 --> 00:06:54,295 also was what was happening in your childhood 180 00:06:54,355 --> 00:06:56,915 where you went into those patterns of eating 181 00:06:56,915 --> 00:06:57,415 and, 182 00:06:57,875 --> 00:06:58,935 sleeping long 183 00:06:59,475 --> 00:07:01,475 periods of time, a struggle to get out 184 00:07:01,475 --> 00:07:02,055 of bed. 185 00:07:02,435 --> 00:07:04,774 This is not a success story, 186 00:07:05,555 --> 00:07:06,935 but there's something 187 00:07:07,600 --> 00:07:08,660 in your story 188 00:07:09,120 --> 00:07:12,100 which is familiar to some of our grads, 189 00:07:12,400 --> 00:07:14,660 which is they have that wonderful feeling, 190 00:07:15,120 --> 00:07:17,379 and then they go back into pattern. 191 00:07:17,759 --> 00:07:18,740 I'm fascinated 192 00:07:19,279 --> 00:07:20,580 to interview you 193 00:07:21,095 --> 00:07:22,555 because something shifts. 194 00:07:23,014 --> 00:07:25,035 Something happens differently. So 195 00:07:25,415 --> 00:07:26,954 take us to the 196 00:07:27,415 --> 00:07:30,055 struggle bus that you're on post process. How 197 00:07:30,055 --> 00:07:32,074 does the narrative shift? What happens? 198 00:07:32,935 --> 00:07:36,229 I think at the stage of my life 199 00:07:36,229 --> 00:07:37,769 that I did the process, 200 00:07:38,229 --> 00:07:41,209 there was so much added pressure, 201 00:07:42,149 --> 00:07:44,889 which was the greatest gift ever because I 202 00:07:45,349 --> 00:07:46,889 had to figure it out. 203 00:07:47,414 --> 00:07:49,354 I could not continue 204 00:07:49,735 --> 00:07:52,694 living like that. I found myself in a 205 00:07:52,694 --> 00:07:53,435 new country 206 00:07:54,294 --> 00:07:54,794 reestablishing 207 00:07:55,334 --> 00:07:56,875 myself, my business. 208 00:07:57,495 --> 00:07:59,894 I had no safety net. I had no 209 00:07:59,894 --> 00:08:00,394 familiarity. 210 00:08:01,574 --> 00:08:02,235 I felt 211 00:08:03,160 --> 00:08:03,660 completely 212 00:08:03,960 --> 00:08:04,460 exposed, 213 00:08:05,240 --> 00:08:08,300 and it was, I think, amplified. 214 00:08:08,759 --> 00:08:10,300 It amplified everything 215 00:08:10,759 --> 00:08:12,759 that had been going on through all the 216 00:08:12,759 --> 00:08:14,540 decades leading up to that 217 00:08:15,084 --> 00:08:15,584 Because 218 00:08:16,204 --> 00:08:18,044 where do I go now? If I don't 219 00:08:18,044 --> 00:08:20,144 figure this out, if I don't 220 00:08:20,685 --> 00:08:22,925 get my business back up and running in 221 00:08:22,925 --> 00:08:23,985 this new country. 222 00:08:24,524 --> 00:08:27,004 And my thoughts started spiraling. How do I 223 00:08:27,004 --> 00:08:29,504 keep a roof over my head? What happens? 224 00:08:29,724 --> 00:08:31,449 And so there was a quiet, 225 00:08:31,750 --> 00:08:32,250 desperate 226 00:08:32,629 --> 00:08:33,129 urgency 227 00:08:34,070 --> 00:08:36,629 to figure it out. And I think what 228 00:08:36,629 --> 00:08:37,370 I recognized 229 00:08:38,629 --> 00:08:40,250 was because this was 230 00:08:41,029 --> 00:08:41,690 the fourth 231 00:08:42,149 --> 00:08:42,649 really 232 00:08:43,125 --> 00:08:45,924 traumatic time in my life in different decades 233 00:08:45,924 --> 00:08:47,065 and different seasons 234 00:08:47,684 --> 00:08:48,184 where 235 00:08:48,804 --> 00:08:51,065 I reached a moment of 236 00:08:51,445 --> 00:08:51,945 surrender. 237 00:08:53,205 --> 00:08:54,504 It was an allowing, 238 00:08:55,830 --> 00:08:58,970 almost a welcoming of that enemy, that darkness 239 00:08:59,190 --> 00:09:01,690 to the table to sit down with me, 240 00:09:02,470 --> 00:09:03,450 and I recognized 241 00:09:04,950 --> 00:09:06,950 some of the work that we had done 242 00:09:06,950 --> 00:09:07,850 in the process 243 00:09:08,345 --> 00:09:10,585 allowed me to get to that point to 244 00:09:10,585 --> 00:09:13,225 not be so afraid and to not keep 245 00:09:13,225 --> 00:09:15,404 running from that darkness. 246 00:09:15,785 --> 00:09:18,105 The more you run from it, the more 247 00:09:18,105 --> 00:09:19,245 you fear it, 248 00:09:19,625 --> 00:09:22,524 it tightens its grip. It's it feels 249 00:09:23,019 --> 00:09:23,759 almost like 250 00:09:24,700 --> 00:09:27,200 hands around your throat and you can't breathe. 251 00:09:27,980 --> 00:09:28,639 Do you remember 252 00:09:29,100 --> 00:09:30,079 where you were 253 00:09:30,860 --> 00:09:33,279 when you had that kind of, 254 00:09:33,820 --> 00:09:34,320 I 255 00:09:35,115 --> 00:09:37,835 am surrendering to this. I will not run 256 00:09:37,835 --> 00:09:38,975 from this anymore. 257 00:09:39,514 --> 00:09:42,335 That lesson you took from the process where 258 00:09:42,634 --> 00:09:44,975 I don't wanna be afraid of this darkness. 259 00:09:45,754 --> 00:09:47,455 Where are you when that's happening? 260 00:09:47,879 --> 00:09:50,840 There were really two parts to it. One 261 00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:53,799 was just before the process, I was introduced 262 00:09:53,799 --> 00:09:55,660 to the concept of willingness. 263 00:09:56,679 --> 00:09:59,559 Just saying I am willing to change because 264 00:09:59,559 --> 00:10:00,860 I did not know 265 00:10:01,320 --> 00:10:02,540 how to change, 266 00:10:03,204 --> 00:10:06,485 and just being willing allowed an opening. And 267 00:10:06,485 --> 00:10:08,804 so I came into the process with that 268 00:10:08,804 --> 00:10:09,304 mindset. 269 00:10:10,245 --> 00:10:10,745 And 270 00:10:11,524 --> 00:10:12,424 in the process, 271 00:10:13,044 --> 00:10:13,544 facing 272 00:10:14,004 --> 00:10:14,504 everything 273 00:10:15,605 --> 00:10:16,985 without running away 274 00:10:17,429 --> 00:10:17,929 because 275 00:10:18,389 --> 00:10:20,629 that's the process. There is no way to 276 00:10:20,629 --> 00:10:22,389 run. There is no way to hide. Sure. 277 00:10:22,389 --> 00:10:24,629 You're not tied in there against your will. 278 00:10:24,629 --> 00:10:26,809 You can leave if you really want to. 279 00:10:27,029 --> 00:10:29,429 But I knew I was there for a 280 00:10:29,429 --> 00:10:29,929 reason. 281 00:10:30,789 --> 00:10:31,850 And I knew 282 00:10:32,225 --> 00:10:34,004 if I don't confront this now, 283 00:10:34,785 --> 00:10:37,764 what's next? There is nothing else after this. 284 00:10:37,904 --> 00:10:38,725 And I think 285 00:10:39,264 --> 00:10:40,725 getting back home, 286 00:10:41,425 --> 00:10:42,404 it didn't happen 287 00:10:43,184 --> 00:10:46,004 in a single moment that I can pinpoint 288 00:10:46,545 --> 00:10:49,100 that was the day, that was the time. 289 00:10:49,240 --> 00:10:52,860 It was something that happened over many 290 00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:56,519 individual single miracle moments is what I would 291 00:10:56,519 --> 00:10:57,179 call it. 292 00:10:57,559 --> 00:11:01,159 And just leaning in one little step forward, 293 00:11:01,159 --> 00:11:04,384 maybe two steps back the next day, but 294 00:11:04,384 --> 00:11:06,725 it was a renewed faith. 295 00:11:07,665 --> 00:11:10,225 It really was a decision. I know there 296 00:11:10,225 --> 00:11:12,705 was a distinct time that decision happened. I 297 00:11:12,705 --> 00:11:14,325 couldn't pinpoint it now, 298 00:11:14,865 --> 00:11:17,345 but I knew I was done suffering. I 299 00:11:17,345 --> 00:11:18,325 knew I was, 300 00:11:18,980 --> 00:11:21,139 it was a decision that I am not 301 00:11:21,139 --> 00:11:21,799 a victim. 302 00:11:22,820 --> 00:11:25,620 So why am I allowing this to overcome 303 00:11:25,620 --> 00:11:28,600 me? There's no physical danger. There's no actual 304 00:11:28,899 --> 00:11:29,399 threat. 305 00:11:30,179 --> 00:11:31,879 It gave me the perspective, 306 00:11:32,259 --> 00:11:35,575 and I somehow found another level within me 307 00:11:35,875 --> 00:11:37,654 of strength, of courage, 308 00:11:38,115 --> 00:11:38,615 and 309 00:11:39,715 --> 00:11:42,595 nobody's coming to save you. I had to 310 00:11:42,595 --> 00:11:46,019 pick myself up. Looking back, it was one 311 00:11:46,019 --> 00:11:47,779 of the hardest things I've ever had to 312 00:11:47,779 --> 00:11:48,840 do. These enormous 313 00:11:49,539 --> 00:11:50,039 fears 314 00:11:50,580 --> 00:11:51,080 that 315 00:11:51,620 --> 00:11:54,519 get in the way of progress. It felt 316 00:11:54,899 --> 00:11:55,399 like 317 00:11:56,179 --> 00:11:57,240 one of the most 318 00:11:58,805 --> 00:11:59,305 terrifying 319 00:11:59,684 --> 00:12:00,184 battles, 320 00:12:00,644 --> 00:12:02,805 and yet I was able to take that 321 00:12:02,805 --> 00:12:03,705 first step. 322 00:12:04,325 --> 00:12:05,625 I'm really moved 323 00:12:06,165 --> 00:12:06,665 by 324 00:12:07,125 --> 00:12:08,825 your story here because 325 00:12:09,524 --> 00:12:11,065 I think in it 326 00:12:11,820 --> 00:12:13,360 is a really important 327 00:12:14,139 --> 00:12:16,080 sort of lesson, if you will. 328 00:12:17,340 --> 00:12:17,840 Change 329 00:12:19,019 --> 00:12:20,000 really happens 330 00:12:21,019 --> 00:12:21,920 when we 331 00:12:22,540 --> 00:12:23,040 respond 332 00:12:23,500 --> 00:12:24,000 differently 333 00:12:24,894 --> 00:12:25,794 to the struggle 334 00:12:26,334 --> 00:12:27,075 we're having, 335 00:12:27,615 --> 00:12:28,914 when we react 336 00:12:29,855 --> 00:12:32,815 from a place of courage. I hear so 337 00:12:32,815 --> 00:12:33,634 much courage. 338 00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:36,815 No one is coming to rescue me. What 339 00:12:36,815 --> 00:12:38,514 is next if I don't 340 00:12:39,080 --> 00:12:40,299 navigate this differently? 341 00:12:41,080 --> 00:12:43,740 But I also hear a ton of compassion. 342 00:12:44,519 --> 00:12:47,179 I don't wanna be afraid of this anymore. 343 00:12:48,440 --> 00:12:49,419 Your experience 344 00:12:49,960 --> 00:12:52,620 that you allowed yourself to have post process 345 00:12:53,195 --> 00:12:55,835 where you went back into the same patterns 346 00:12:55,835 --> 00:12:57,375 you had pre process, 347 00:12:58,235 --> 00:13:01,294 but what was different was how you navigated, 348 00:13:01,514 --> 00:13:02,894 how you met yourself 349 00:13:03,835 --> 00:13:05,615 in those pattern places 350 00:13:06,235 --> 00:13:07,695 was very, very different. 351 00:13:08,370 --> 00:13:11,169 I think the you've touched on something so 352 00:13:11,169 --> 00:13:12,549 important. The compassion 353 00:13:13,490 --> 00:13:14,549 is the difference 354 00:13:15,009 --> 00:13:18,529 between staying in it and breaking free from 355 00:13:18,529 --> 00:13:21,190 it. And I'll give you an example. The 356 00:13:21,554 --> 00:13:22,054 little, 357 00:13:22,674 --> 00:13:24,375 toddler who's trying to walk, 358 00:13:24,754 --> 00:13:27,394 who takes a few steps, falls on their 359 00:13:27,394 --> 00:13:27,894 butt, 360 00:13:28,514 --> 00:13:30,595 we're not gonna go and kick the three 361 00:13:30,595 --> 00:13:32,195 year old, two year old in the ribs 362 00:13:32,195 --> 00:13:34,274 and say, you suck. You should just never 363 00:13:34,274 --> 00:13:36,375 walk. You can't do this. Yet 364 00:13:36,779 --> 00:13:40,000 that's how we treat ourselves. So much judgment, 365 00:13:40,059 --> 00:13:43,019 so much critique, so much negativity. It's never 366 00:13:43,019 --> 00:13:43,759 good enough. 367 00:13:44,699 --> 00:13:46,559 And I see it as, 368 00:13:46,940 --> 00:13:49,579 well, when this kid takes a few steps 369 00:13:49,579 --> 00:13:51,199 and then falls down, 370 00:13:51,735 --> 00:13:54,214 you are excited. You're cheering them on. Oh 371 00:13:54,214 --> 00:13:57,414 my goodness. You took two steps. And, you 372 00:13:57,414 --> 00:13:59,654 know, this is exciting. This is thrilling. And 373 00:13:59,654 --> 00:14:01,995 I had to be that person for myself. 374 00:14:03,254 --> 00:14:05,139 I had picked up, unfortunately, 375 00:14:05,679 --> 00:14:09,860 from my upbringing patterns of negativity, judgment, critique. 376 00:14:10,559 --> 00:14:11,059 And 377 00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:12,500 somehow, 378 00:14:12,879 --> 00:14:15,920 some part of me recognized that that had 379 00:14:15,920 --> 00:14:16,660 to change, 380 00:14:17,075 --> 00:14:19,714 and I had to fall madly in love 381 00:14:19,714 --> 00:14:20,534 with myself. 382 00:14:20,835 --> 00:14:23,634 It wasn't about anybody else seeing me or 383 00:14:23,634 --> 00:14:27,254 validating me. I had to be the one 384 00:14:27,554 --> 00:14:30,855 for me. And when I got that, everything 385 00:14:30,914 --> 00:14:31,414 changed. 386 00:14:32,570 --> 00:14:33,870 What was it like 387 00:14:34,570 --> 00:14:35,950 to be in pain, 388 00:14:36,490 --> 00:14:37,950 but to meet yourself 389 00:14:38,649 --> 00:14:41,210 and fall in love with yourself in those 390 00:14:41,210 --> 00:14:44,090 moments? What was that experience, and how was 391 00:14:44,090 --> 00:14:44,830 it different 392 00:14:45,504 --> 00:14:47,904 as opposed to being in pain and meeting 393 00:14:47,904 --> 00:14:50,725 yourself with so much self judgment and criticism 394 00:14:51,745 --> 00:14:52,564 and abandonment, 395 00:14:52,865 --> 00:14:55,924 if you will? How were those early experiences 396 00:14:56,944 --> 00:14:59,365 of loving yourself in that pain? 397 00:15:00,089 --> 00:15:00,750 It was 398 00:15:01,370 --> 00:15:04,009 such an interesting experience, and it's one that 399 00:15:04,009 --> 00:15:06,669 everybody has to go through. It's almost like 400 00:15:06,730 --> 00:15:08,750 meeting somebody new and 401 00:15:09,129 --> 00:15:11,949 going through the different stages of awkwardness. 402 00:15:12,634 --> 00:15:14,475 You know, it started with a little bit 403 00:15:14,475 --> 00:15:17,195 of eye contact and looking at myself in 404 00:15:17,195 --> 00:15:17,855 the mirror. 405 00:15:18,235 --> 00:15:19,914 I don't know that I had ever done 406 00:15:19,914 --> 00:15:22,014 that. I don't know that I'd ever truly 407 00:15:22,315 --> 00:15:23,134 seen myself 408 00:15:23,754 --> 00:15:25,054 other than to 409 00:15:25,769 --> 00:15:28,649 critique, oh, you've got a wrinkle. Oh, I'd 410 00:15:28,730 --> 00:15:30,430 you know, your hair looks terrible. 411 00:15:31,210 --> 00:15:31,710 Something 412 00:15:32,410 --> 00:15:35,870 emerged as I was able to really connect, 413 00:15:36,009 --> 00:15:36,750 be truthful, 414 00:15:37,050 --> 00:15:39,629 be honest. The tears would flow. 415 00:15:40,214 --> 00:15:43,995 There's something so special. It's unfamiliar. It's uncomfortable. 416 00:15:44,294 --> 00:15:47,495 It's as confronting as sitting eyeball to eyeball 417 00:15:47,495 --> 00:15:48,315 with a stranger. 418 00:15:48,855 --> 00:15:51,834 So it takes time. It's not as if 419 00:15:52,149 --> 00:15:54,389 in the moment that I decided to do 420 00:15:54,389 --> 00:15:57,029 this, everything was roses. It took time. I 421 00:15:57,029 --> 00:15:59,429 had to develop that relationship. I had to 422 00:15:59,429 --> 00:16:00,250 be committed 423 00:16:00,950 --> 00:16:03,370 to really connect with myself daily 424 00:16:03,909 --> 00:16:04,409 and 425 00:16:04,789 --> 00:16:05,610 make it 426 00:16:06,105 --> 00:16:08,684 the most important thing in my life because 427 00:16:08,825 --> 00:16:09,485 I am. 428 00:16:10,105 --> 00:16:12,985 Yeah. You are the most important thing in 429 00:16:12,985 --> 00:16:15,084 your life. Wow. And 430 00:16:15,384 --> 00:16:18,365 would you say in that getting to know 431 00:16:18,424 --> 00:16:21,350 yourself again, I love the idea that it's 432 00:16:21,350 --> 00:16:23,910 like meeting a stranger, and it's awkward at 433 00:16:23,910 --> 00:16:24,730 times and 434 00:16:25,350 --> 00:16:26,970 uncomfortable, deeply uncomfortable. 435 00:16:27,669 --> 00:16:30,809 Would you say that the process helped you 436 00:16:31,350 --> 00:16:32,570 in those moments 437 00:16:33,110 --> 00:16:35,610 of meeting yourself in that 438 00:16:35,945 --> 00:16:38,825 pain, getting to know yourself again, that it 439 00:16:38,825 --> 00:16:40,845 was the process that helped you? 440 00:16:41,465 --> 00:16:45,085 Without a doubt, the process helped me in 441 00:16:45,144 --> 00:16:48,205 so many ways. And with that specifically, 442 00:16:50,350 --> 00:16:54,050 there's no shame, there's no judgment. The process 443 00:16:54,269 --> 00:16:56,290 allows you to put everything 444 00:16:56,910 --> 00:16:59,870 on the table. Sometimes things you haven't thought 445 00:16:59,870 --> 00:17:03,584 about for a very long time, sometimes things 446 00:17:03,725 --> 00:17:07,565 that you've blocked out even. It reconnects you 447 00:17:07,565 --> 00:17:09,424 to every part of yourself 448 00:17:10,044 --> 00:17:11,025 and illuminates 449 00:17:11,404 --> 00:17:14,304 it in a way that it just is. 450 00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:18,220 There's no good. There's no bad. There's just 451 00:17:18,599 --> 00:17:20,220 my life experience. 452 00:17:20,839 --> 00:17:22,220 And once you're okay 453 00:17:22,680 --> 00:17:26,039 with all parts of yourself, it frees you. 454 00:17:26,039 --> 00:17:28,519 It loosens that grip that I was talking 455 00:17:28,519 --> 00:17:31,475 about of shame and not enoughness. 456 00:17:32,575 --> 00:17:33,634 And that 457 00:17:34,335 --> 00:17:34,835 expansion 458 00:17:35,455 --> 00:17:38,515 opens up capacity and it frees energy 459 00:17:39,215 --> 00:17:42,674 for a focus on where I'm moving to 460 00:17:43,109 --> 00:17:45,269 rather than all of the baggage and the 461 00:17:45,269 --> 00:17:47,589 weight and the burden that I'd been holding 462 00:17:47,589 --> 00:17:50,569 on to from my painful past that 463 00:17:50,869 --> 00:17:53,509 had never been dealt with or processed. And 464 00:17:53,509 --> 00:17:54,970 so it was incredibly 465 00:17:55,349 --> 00:17:55,849 helpful 466 00:17:56,390 --> 00:17:59,544 for sure. Tamsen, you're talking about something that 467 00:17:59,544 --> 00:18:00,044 is 468 00:18:00,345 --> 00:18:01,404 slightly counterintuitive. 469 00:18:02,664 --> 00:18:04,984 But so I just wanna name it because 470 00:18:04,984 --> 00:18:06,365 I think many people 471 00:18:06,825 --> 00:18:10,490 get stuck in this idea that to run 472 00:18:10,490 --> 00:18:11,389 from struggle 473 00:18:11,769 --> 00:18:13,230 is to lock yourself 474 00:18:13,769 --> 00:18:14,909 into struggle. 475 00:18:15,450 --> 00:18:18,829 But you said when you accept all parts 476 00:18:18,970 --> 00:18:21,129 of who you are, when you embrace it 477 00:18:21,129 --> 00:18:21,629 all, 478 00:18:22,265 --> 00:18:24,365 then there's something that gets loosened, 479 00:18:24,744 --> 00:18:26,924 and you can begin to generate 480 00:18:27,384 --> 00:18:28,284 good energy 481 00:18:28,984 --> 00:18:31,625 as a result of, embracing all of who 482 00:18:31,625 --> 00:18:33,804 you are. Does that feel counterintuitive 483 00:18:34,184 --> 00:18:34,744 to you? Or 484 00:18:35,539 --> 00:18:38,440 I'm so glad you have raised this because 485 00:18:38,819 --> 00:18:40,759 it is completely counterintuitive. 486 00:18:41,619 --> 00:18:44,019 It is the opposite of anything we would 487 00:18:44,019 --> 00:18:45,960 imagine, and it's the most difficult 488 00:18:46,339 --> 00:18:46,839 concept 489 00:18:47,299 --> 00:18:50,125 to describe to somebody who hasn't been to 490 00:18:50,125 --> 00:18:51,984 the other side of this. 491 00:18:52,845 --> 00:18:53,744 It feels 492 00:18:54,045 --> 00:18:54,865 as if 493 00:18:55,484 --> 00:18:58,125 you want to run away. If I can 494 00:18:58,125 --> 00:18:59,345 tell you in my experience, 495 00:19:00,125 --> 00:19:02,144 anything that feels uncomfortable, 496 00:19:02,765 --> 00:19:03,265 messy, 497 00:19:03,565 --> 00:19:04,019 dark, 498 00:19:04,500 --> 00:19:05,000 scary, 499 00:19:05,779 --> 00:19:08,180 it made me want to run-in the other 500 00:19:08,180 --> 00:19:11,400 direction. You've heard the saying, what you resist 501 00:19:11,700 --> 00:19:12,200 persists. 502 00:19:13,220 --> 00:19:15,880 And so this is exactly what's happening. 503 00:19:16,484 --> 00:19:19,204 The more I feared it, the more I 504 00:19:19,204 --> 00:19:20,984 ran away from it, the 505 00:19:21,285 --> 00:19:21,785 tighter 506 00:19:22,565 --> 00:19:24,265 it held on to me. 507 00:19:24,644 --> 00:19:26,884 And interestingly, and this is why I always 508 00:19:26,884 --> 00:19:28,184 say welcome your 509 00:19:28,500 --> 00:19:31,299 enemy, welcome the darkness, let everybody come and 510 00:19:31,299 --> 00:19:32,759 sit with you at the table, 511 00:19:33,539 --> 00:19:36,339 welcome with open arms, with love, with light. 512 00:19:36,339 --> 00:19:38,900 That's like standing up to the bully in 513 00:19:38,900 --> 00:19:39,400 school. 514 00:19:40,019 --> 00:19:43,674 That is when everything dissolves and you are 515 00:19:43,674 --> 00:19:44,174 free. 516 00:19:44,634 --> 00:19:46,474 You know, you and I talked earlier about 517 00:19:46,474 --> 00:19:46,974 moments 518 00:19:47,355 --> 00:19:49,134 in time in your process. 519 00:19:49,674 --> 00:19:52,154 Like many people, you don't remember a lot, 520 00:19:52,154 --> 00:19:53,914 do you? It's not as if you can 521 00:19:53,914 --> 00:19:58,100 pinpoint specific moments, can you? There's a few 522 00:19:58,320 --> 00:20:00,980 highlights, I would say, where I can remember 523 00:20:01,039 --> 00:20:04,080 being in a specific venue, going through a 524 00:20:04,080 --> 00:20:06,720 specific exercise. You know, a lot of the 525 00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:07,220 specifics 526 00:20:07,934 --> 00:20:10,434 in terms of language and terminology 527 00:20:11,134 --> 00:20:11,634 and 528 00:20:12,255 --> 00:20:12,755 curriculum, 529 00:20:13,294 --> 00:20:16,174 I would say I don't remember everything in 530 00:20:16,174 --> 00:20:16,674 detail. 531 00:20:16,974 --> 00:20:18,595 I do remember the transformation. 532 00:20:18,974 --> 00:20:21,450 I do remember how I felt. And isn't 533 00:20:21,450 --> 00:20:24,009 that so true? That's what we always remember. 534 00:20:24,009 --> 00:20:26,809 We are these thinking, feeling human beings having 535 00:20:26,809 --> 00:20:27,710 this experience. 536 00:20:28,329 --> 00:20:31,450 And so I couldn't recite back the entire 537 00:20:31,450 --> 00:20:34,750 process. It's just so complex and so incredible 538 00:20:34,890 --> 00:20:36,275 and so thoughtfully 539 00:20:36,974 --> 00:20:40,035 crafted and put together. It's it's absolutely genius. 540 00:20:40,654 --> 00:20:43,154 That's why there are incredible facilitators 541 00:20:43,615 --> 00:20:44,515 to do that, 542 00:20:44,974 --> 00:20:45,474 and 543 00:20:45,775 --> 00:20:46,835 I get to 544 00:20:47,215 --> 00:20:48,835 be a part of that ride. 545 00:20:49,420 --> 00:20:51,440 Why does it feel important 546 00:20:51,900 --> 00:20:55,259 to note that while you don't remember the 547 00:20:55,259 --> 00:20:55,759 curricula 548 00:20:56,059 --> 00:20:57,279 and specific 549 00:20:57,980 --> 00:21:00,320 moments and lessons and teachings, 550 00:21:00,859 --> 00:21:03,660 it actually doesn't matter because the felt sense 551 00:21:03,660 --> 00:21:04,559 of the experience 552 00:21:05,095 --> 00:21:07,095 is what you do remember. Why is that 553 00:21:07,095 --> 00:21:08,315 an important distinction? 554 00:21:08,855 --> 00:21:11,195 I think like anything in life, 555 00:21:11,654 --> 00:21:13,914 what I am meant to retain, 556 00:21:14,455 --> 00:21:15,115 I will. 557 00:21:15,894 --> 00:21:18,154 There will be other things at a subconscious 558 00:21:18,535 --> 00:21:21,700 level that will serve me, And it's not 559 00:21:21,700 --> 00:21:24,579 about obsessing over I mean, I've got the 560 00:21:24,579 --> 00:21:27,240 workbooks and I do review and revisit, 561 00:21:27,779 --> 00:21:31,220 but I took away exactly what I needed. 562 00:21:31,220 --> 00:21:32,819 It would not be the same for every 563 00:21:32,819 --> 00:21:35,264 person in the room, but it altered me 564 00:21:35,264 --> 00:21:37,504 in a way that I just allowed and 565 00:21:37,504 --> 00:21:40,144 trusted and knew that this is not for 566 00:21:40,144 --> 00:21:43,264 me to control. The universe is so big 567 00:21:43,264 --> 00:21:46,004 and expansive, and I cannot control everything. 568 00:21:46,589 --> 00:21:47,329 There's definitely 569 00:21:47,630 --> 00:21:48,609 an allowing 570 00:21:49,390 --> 00:21:52,269 of whatever needs to move through me. I'm 571 00:21:52,269 --> 00:21:55,009 open. I'm ready. I love you. I'm here. 572 00:21:55,549 --> 00:21:58,589 Beautiful. I hear so much surrender in that 573 00:21:58,589 --> 00:22:00,049 you talk about allowing. 574 00:22:00,875 --> 00:22:01,535 And earlier, 575 00:22:02,315 --> 00:22:04,735 you shared a concept that you 576 00:22:05,115 --> 00:22:06,975 had just learned. What was that? 577 00:22:07,434 --> 00:22:09,295 Prior to my process, 578 00:22:09,835 --> 00:22:12,174 as I mentioned, I have studied 579 00:22:12,634 --> 00:22:15,359 every thought leader, every teacher. It's been my 580 00:22:15,519 --> 00:22:17,700 obsession. It's why I do what I do. 581 00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:18,420 And 582 00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:20,660 the concept of willingness 583 00:22:21,839 --> 00:22:22,339 was 584 00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:25,679 one of the most pivotal things. And I've 585 00:22:25,679 --> 00:22:28,179 found for many people, it shifts 586 00:22:28,884 --> 00:22:29,464 a person 587 00:22:29,845 --> 00:22:30,664 so quickly 588 00:22:31,845 --> 00:22:34,325 because this is what gets us stuck. I 589 00:22:34,325 --> 00:22:37,204 don't know what the end looks like. I 590 00:22:37,204 --> 00:22:39,525 don't know how to get from here in 591 00:22:39,525 --> 00:22:41,224 this mountain of pain 592 00:22:42,139 --> 00:22:44,299 to the other side where I'm free and 593 00:22:44,299 --> 00:22:45,440 things are easy. 594 00:22:45,819 --> 00:22:47,440 And so that willingness, 595 00:22:47,819 --> 00:22:50,079 just being willing to change, 596 00:22:50,859 --> 00:22:53,679 frees up some energy to 597 00:22:53,980 --> 00:22:56,434 take that first step. And I always say 598 00:22:56,434 --> 00:22:59,555 you just need five seconds of courage. There's 599 00:22:59,555 --> 00:23:00,535 no actual 600 00:23:00,835 --> 00:23:04,934 physical threat, yet it feels terrifying. It feels 601 00:23:05,234 --> 00:23:08,615 as though there's an invisible seatbelt or something 602 00:23:08,835 --> 00:23:10,055 holding you back. 603 00:23:10,559 --> 00:23:12,259 And that willingness 604 00:23:12,640 --> 00:23:13,940 seems to be such 605 00:23:14,880 --> 00:23:15,619 a dissolver 606 00:23:16,159 --> 00:23:18,640 of a percentage of that fear that gives 607 00:23:18,640 --> 00:23:20,640 you that little bit of momentum to take 608 00:23:20,640 --> 00:23:21,700 the first step. 609 00:23:22,325 --> 00:23:24,585 As I'm sitting here reflecting 610 00:23:24,884 --> 00:23:26,904 on your struggle post process, 611 00:23:27,605 --> 00:23:30,184 I keep saying struggle, but, you know, pattern, 612 00:23:30,404 --> 00:23:31,944 dark side, suffering, 613 00:23:32,325 --> 00:23:33,305 you name it, 614 00:23:33,684 --> 00:23:35,704 I think that your spirit, 615 00:23:36,359 --> 00:23:37,099 your essence, 616 00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:38,859 your authenticity, 617 00:23:39,160 --> 00:23:40,619 your innate goodness 618 00:23:41,480 --> 00:23:42,539 allowed you 619 00:23:43,240 --> 00:23:45,420 to really go into pattern, 620 00:23:46,119 --> 00:23:48,140 actually gave you the experience. 621 00:23:49,005 --> 00:23:51,904 It actually gifted you. I'm going to help 622 00:23:52,365 --> 00:23:53,184 you heal 623 00:23:54,045 --> 00:23:55,664 by giving you an experience 624 00:23:56,204 --> 00:23:58,785 of your dark side and your patterns 625 00:23:59,404 --> 00:24:00,305 post process 626 00:24:01,710 --> 00:24:04,130 so that you can meet yourself 627 00:24:04,990 --> 00:24:06,210 and have the experience 628 00:24:06,509 --> 00:24:07,809 of loving yourself 629 00:24:08,190 --> 00:24:10,690 in the very depth of your pain. 630 00:24:11,309 --> 00:24:14,990 There was a very deep knowing, and and 631 00:24:14,990 --> 00:24:16,450 you're correct, that 632 00:24:17,444 --> 00:24:19,865 once I figure this out for myself, 633 00:24:20,964 --> 00:24:23,525 there are so many other people who I 634 00:24:23,525 --> 00:24:25,144 can help with this. 635 00:24:25,605 --> 00:24:26,585 I had been 636 00:24:27,204 --> 00:24:27,704 bypassing 637 00:24:28,005 --> 00:24:29,845 it, I think, for a very long time. 638 00:24:29,845 --> 00:24:32,390 I'd figured out the basics of how I 639 00:24:32,390 --> 00:24:34,890 can function and have just enough capacity 640 00:24:35,349 --> 00:24:37,849 to help my clients, to help everybody else, 641 00:24:37,990 --> 00:24:41,450 but I was struggling with my own stuff 642 00:24:41,589 --> 00:24:42,890 behind the scenes. 643 00:24:43,430 --> 00:24:44,330 And somehow, 644 00:24:45,445 --> 00:24:47,525 I knew I don't know how I knew 645 00:24:47,525 --> 00:24:49,144 it was just an internal 646 00:24:49,605 --> 00:24:50,744 knowing and intuitive 647 00:24:51,045 --> 00:24:51,545 knowing 648 00:24:51,845 --> 00:24:53,945 that this is bigger than me, 649 00:24:54,565 --> 00:24:57,205 that the answers are not going to be 650 00:24:57,205 --> 00:24:57,705 logical, 651 00:24:58,500 --> 00:25:00,740 And that if I just keep going and 652 00:25:00,740 --> 00:25:03,779 just be willing to take that one more 653 00:25:03,779 --> 00:25:06,180 step, I'm going to figure this out and 654 00:25:06,180 --> 00:25:08,099 see it in a way that nobody else 655 00:25:08,099 --> 00:25:10,599 is able to see it and reflect 656 00:25:10,980 --> 00:25:11,960 that back 657 00:25:12,259 --> 00:25:13,480 to anybody else 658 00:25:13,815 --> 00:25:16,214 who is going through that same struggle. Because 659 00:25:16,214 --> 00:25:18,714 you're right, most people aren't able to 660 00:25:19,414 --> 00:25:20,394 join the dots 661 00:25:21,014 --> 00:25:22,234 and have the perspective 662 00:25:22,615 --> 00:25:25,194 and look back. I think something incredible 663 00:25:25,575 --> 00:25:28,134 happens when you're on the other side of 664 00:25:28,134 --> 00:25:29,960 that pain, when that 665 00:25:30,339 --> 00:25:30,839 emotional 666 00:25:31,220 --> 00:25:32,920 charge is removed. 667 00:25:33,460 --> 00:25:35,079 When the pain is removed, 668 00:25:35,940 --> 00:25:37,319 you have the wisdom 669 00:25:37,779 --> 00:25:40,839 of knowing how you got to the point. 670 00:25:41,325 --> 00:25:43,904 And it's such a deeply painful, 671 00:25:44,204 --> 00:25:44,704 profound 672 00:25:45,644 --> 00:25:47,964 way of learning something that will stay with 673 00:25:47,964 --> 00:25:50,204 you forever and that you will never take 674 00:25:50,204 --> 00:25:50,944 for granted 675 00:25:51,644 --> 00:25:54,180 and be able to fully let go. It's 676 00:25:54,340 --> 00:25:57,080 it feels like an absolute privilege 677 00:25:57,619 --> 00:26:00,100 and gift that why would I not want 678 00:26:00,100 --> 00:26:02,180 to help? I I don't want anybody to 679 00:26:02,180 --> 00:26:04,039 spend a moment longer 680 00:26:04,420 --> 00:26:07,480 than they need to feeling that way because 681 00:26:08,100 --> 00:26:10,615 I've spent a few decades feeling that way 682 00:26:10,615 --> 00:26:11,115 myself. 683 00:26:11,734 --> 00:26:13,894 Having gone through that, what do you notice 684 00:26:13,894 --> 00:26:16,075 on this side of those experiences? 685 00:26:16,775 --> 00:26:18,315 I've noticed that 686 00:26:19,255 --> 00:26:19,755 feelings 687 00:26:20,950 --> 00:26:23,910 are not good, they're not bad, they're all 688 00:26:23,910 --> 00:26:26,309 going to come, but I see them so 689 00:26:26,309 --> 00:26:29,130 differently now. We have this full 690 00:26:29,670 --> 00:26:31,049 range of emotions, 691 00:26:31,910 --> 00:26:33,369 and we're here to experience 692 00:26:33,830 --> 00:26:34,809 all of them. 693 00:26:35,494 --> 00:26:37,835 I think I had such a limited perspective 694 00:26:38,134 --> 00:26:38,634 before 695 00:26:38,934 --> 00:26:42,555 because everything felt so heavy. Whereas now, 696 00:26:42,855 --> 00:26:45,515 I welcome and I allow all of it, 697 00:26:45,654 --> 00:26:46,715 and it's incredibly 698 00:26:47,174 --> 00:26:47,674 freeing. 699 00:26:48,269 --> 00:26:49,009 It's allowed 700 00:26:49,390 --> 00:26:53,150 me to focus on so much more, to 701 00:26:53,150 --> 00:26:55,710 build so much more, to give back so 702 00:26:55,710 --> 00:26:58,670 much more. And it's not coming from a 703 00:26:58,670 --> 00:27:00,369 place of being 704 00:27:00,830 --> 00:27:01,330 desperate 705 00:27:02,109 --> 00:27:05,045 to get from point a to point b. 706 00:27:05,265 --> 00:27:06,884 Things just flow. 707 00:27:07,345 --> 00:27:09,684 I work on projects that feel good. 708 00:27:10,144 --> 00:27:13,105 I pause when I feel that my body 709 00:27:13,105 --> 00:27:15,720 needs time to pause. There's no shame. There's 710 00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:19,339 no over analyzing. There's no explaining, apologizing, 711 00:27:19,799 --> 00:27:21,720 feeling like I'm, you know, in the way. 712 00:27:21,720 --> 00:27:23,900 I think something you said to me, Drew, 713 00:27:24,200 --> 00:27:24,700 rarely 714 00:27:25,079 --> 00:27:27,259 stood with me during the process 715 00:27:27,835 --> 00:27:29,674 because you could see I was struggling. And 716 00:27:29,674 --> 00:27:30,815 you said, Tamzin, 717 00:27:31,355 --> 00:27:31,855 take 718 00:27:32,235 --> 00:27:33,455 up your space 719 00:27:33,994 --> 00:27:34,894 in this world. 720 00:27:35,515 --> 00:27:37,615 And so I think, you know, pre process, 721 00:27:37,755 --> 00:27:39,434 I felt like I was a burden. I 722 00:27:39,434 --> 00:27:40,654 felt like I was always 723 00:27:41,019 --> 00:27:43,019 in the way. Whether I was in traffic, 724 00:27:43,019 --> 00:27:44,940 whether I was standing in a line, I 725 00:27:44,940 --> 00:27:46,460 would get out of the way and make 726 00:27:46,460 --> 00:27:48,380 space for everybody else. And now I feel 727 00:27:48,380 --> 00:27:50,559 like I belong and I have my place 728 00:27:50,859 --> 00:27:52,480 in this world, and that is 729 00:27:53,019 --> 00:27:54,319 a gift and 730 00:27:54,855 --> 00:27:57,414 something that I could never possibly forget. It's 731 00:27:57,414 --> 00:27:58,875 it's such a life changer. 732 00:27:59,494 --> 00:28:01,414 So what's next for you? What does the 733 00:28:01,414 --> 00:28:04,315 future hold as you step into this 734 00:28:04,775 --> 00:28:07,115 taking up your space more and more fully? 735 00:28:07,750 --> 00:28:10,009 So much has changed. I think 736 00:28:10,390 --> 00:28:10,890 professionally, 737 00:28:11,429 --> 00:28:14,329 I've really found my voice and my confidence 738 00:28:14,390 --> 00:28:17,509 and really leaned back into all the parts 739 00:28:17,509 --> 00:28:19,609 of me that are here to serve 740 00:28:20,105 --> 00:28:22,684 and here to shout it from the rooftops 741 00:28:22,904 --> 00:28:24,205 because what I do matters. 742 00:28:24,904 --> 00:28:25,884 I have 743 00:28:26,345 --> 00:28:26,845 cofounded 744 00:28:27,545 --> 00:28:30,664 with some really powerful women a new business 745 00:28:30,664 --> 00:28:32,825 in addition to what I am doing that's 746 00:28:32,825 --> 00:28:35,085 really gonna help a lot of people. And 747 00:28:35,380 --> 00:28:36,839 I'm just incredibly 748 00:28:37,380 --> 00:28:40,359 grateful for a lot of new exciting projects 749 00:28:40,579 --> 00:28:41,400 and ventures 750 00:28:42,099 --> 00:28:44,919 and a clean slate, if you will, 751 00:28:45,299 --> 00:28:47,319 to really expand 752 00:28:48,019 --> 00:28:50,704 what's possible. And I've got a lot of 753 00:28:50,704 --> 00:28:53,265 dreams and very big goals, and I'm sure 754 00:28:53,265 --> 00:28:54,964 we'll have another conversation 755 00:28:55,585 --> 00:28:57,265 when I get to the other side of 756 00:28:57,265 --> 00:29:00,384 everything that is in motion right now. And 757 00:29:00,384 --> 00:29:02,404 I love this idea of generative 758 00:29:02,704 --> 00:29:03,204 energy 759 00:29:04,259 --> 00:29:04,759 flowing. 760 00:29:05,539 --> 00:29:06,599 It sounds like 761 00:29:06,900 --> 00:29:09,059 you're not in your own way, and you're 762 00:29:09,059 --> 00:29:10,279 allowing the 763 00:29:10,660 --> 00:29:12,680 energy inside you to emerge. 764 00:29:13,460 --> 00:29:14,200 It feels 765 00:29:14,900 --> 00:29:17,460 like I've come home to me. You know, 766 00:29:17,460 --> 00:29:20,054 Drew, I've moved around the world a lot, 767 00:29:20,515 --> 00:29:22,914 and there have been so many different seasons. 768 00:29:22,914 --> 00:29:26,694 And I've realized that home is a feeling. 769 00:29:27,234 --> 00:29:28,934 Home is within me. 770 00:29:29,315 --> 00:29:30,534 And I can say 771 00:29:31,309 --> 00:29:34,190 at, you know, this stage and decade of 772 00:29:34,190 --> 00:29:37,390 life, I finally feel like I am home. 773 00:29:37,390 --> 00:29:39,170 I do belong. I love myself. 774 00:29:39,630 --> 00:29:42,049 And I think it's been a lifelong quest 775 00:29:42,190 --> 00:29:44,269 of what is my purpose? Why are we 776 00:29:44,269 --> 00:29:47,005 here? What is self love even? And these 777 00:29:47,005 --> 00:29:47,984 are very difficult 778 00:29:48,285 --> 00:29:49,825 concepts to explain. 779 00:29:50,445 --> 00:29:53,484 And I have such a deep understanding and 780 00:29:53,484 --> 00:29:53,984 appreciation 781 00:29:54,684 --> 00:29:56,705 for how complex this is, 782 00:29:57,164 --> 00:29:58,384 as well as how important 783 00:29:58,684 --> 00:30:00,144 it it really is a must. 784 00:30:00,569 --> 00:30:01,630 One of the things 785 00:30:02,089 --> 00:30:04,909 that's emerging for me is your persistence. 786 00:30:06,329 --> 00:30:06,829 You 787 00:30:07,369 --> 00:30:09,230 have not given up 788 00:30:09,690 --> 00:30:10,829 year after year 789 00:30:11,210 --> 00:30:11,710 on 790 00:30:12,250 --> 00:30:12,750 finding 791 00:30:13,369 --> 00:30:15,950 your purpose, finding joy, finding 792 00:30:16,625 --> 00:30:19,424 that flow state. This is important to you 793 00:30:19,424 --> 00:30:20,244 and you haven't 794 00:30:20,545 --> 00:30:21,924 let it go, have you? 795 00:30:22,305 --> 00:30:23,285 I really haven't. 796 00:30:23,664 --> 00:30:26,465 My first trauma tragedy, if you will, happened 797 00:30:26,465 --> 00:30:28,384 at the age of four. And I think 798 00:30:28,384 --> 00:30:32,380 that really shaped my outlook and the way 799 00:30:32,380 --> 00:30:34,000 I approached the world. 800 00:30:34,619 --> 00:30:36,240 And I think I've spent 801 00:30:36,779 --> 00:30:40,319 every moment since then trying to move away 802 00:30:40,380 --> 00:30:42,720 from the pain of feeling insignificant, 803 00:30:43,179 --> 00:30:46,355 of struggling to make eye contact. It was 804 00:30:46,355 --> 00:30:48,914 something so deeply important to me. I've lived 805 00:30:48,914 --> 00:30:50,775 a very interesting life. I've 806 00:30:51,154 --> 00:30:53,414 moved around the world. I've had conversations 807 00:30:53,715 --> 00:30:54,615 with monks 808 00:30:54,994 --> 00:30:59,059 and shamans, and I've really tried every modality, 809 00:30:59,359 --> 00:30:59,859 everything 810 00:31:00,480 --> 00:31:03,359 out there. And it just feels like a 811 00:31:03,359 --> 00:31:05,440 natural part of why I'm here, and I 812 00:31:05,440 --> 00:31:07,140 wouldn't have it any other way. 813 00:31:07,519 --> 00:31:09,919 I'm so grateful for this conversation. What's it 814 00:31:09,919 --> 00:31:10,980 like to reflect 815 00:31:11,345 --> 00:31:14,565 on your story, your journey over the decades? 816 00:31:15,265 --> 00:31:16,884 It's something that I'm incredibly 817 00:31:18,065 --> 00:31:18,964 proud of 818 00:31:19,265 --> 00:31:22,484 because to your point, you said you've persisted. 819 00:31:22,545 --> 00:31:24,625 You've kept going. You've never given up. I 820 00:31:24,625 --> 00:31:27,630 think many people would. I think that 821 00:31:28,410 --> 00:31:30,829 it would be okay if I had, honestly. 822 00:31:31,609 --> 00:31:32,269 I think 823 00:31:32,730 --> 00:31:36,730 looking back now, taking stock, there is such 824 00:31:36,730 --> 00:31:37,789 an appreciation 825 00:31:39,224 --> 00:31:42,184 for everything I get to experience, the places 826 00:31:42,184 --> 00:31:44,204 I've been able to visit, the teachers 827 00:31:44,664 --> 00:31:47,144 I've been able to learn from. And I 828 00:31:47,144 --> 00:31:47,644 think 829 00:31:48,505 --> 00:31:50,924 that is available to all of us. 830 00:31:51,430 --> 00:31:53,509 Again, back to that word willing. If you're 831 00:31:53,509 --> 00:31:55,590 just willing, the right book will land up 832 00:31:55,590 --> 00:31:58,549 on your lap. The right conversation will happen. 833 00:31:58,549 --> 00:32:00,869 You'll overhear something while you're standing in a 834 00:32:00,869 --> 00:32:01,369 queue. 835 00:32:01,750 --> 00:32:02,890 So I'm just 836 00:32:03,424 --> 00:32:03,924 incredibly 837 00:32:04,304 --> 00:32:04,804 grateful 838 00:32:05,105 --> 00:32:07,664 for every moment that has brought me to 839 00:32:07,664 --> 00:32:09,365 this point here, every painful 840 00:32:09,984 --> 00:32:11,285 thing that has happened, 841 00:32:11,664 --> 00:32:12,964 every situation, 842 00:32:13,265 --> 00:32:16,065 every circumstance, every mistake I've made because there've 843 00:32:16,065 --> 00:32:18,085 been so many of those, 844 00:32:18,400 --> 00:32:21,039 and every single one of them has given 845 00:32:21,039 --> 00:32:23,619 me the life that I have today. 846 00:32:24,240 --> 00:32:26,480 And I never would have been here if 847 00:32:26,480 --> 00:32:27,940 I had just stayed 848 00:32:28,400 --> 00:32:30,500 in bed as that little girl 849 00:32:30,799 --> 00:32:33,039 and not been brave enough to venture out 850 00:32:33,039 --> 00:32:34,694 in the world. So I have a lot 851 00:32:34,694 --> 00:32:37,174 of love and appreciation for that version of 852 00:32:37,174 --> 00:32:37,674 me. 853 00:32:38,134 --> 00:32:40,154 Timpson, thank you for this conversation. 854 00:32:41,095 --> 00:32:44,214 I am so grateful to sit down and 855 00:32:44,214 --> 00:32:47,190 have this conversation. You know how much love 856 00:32:47,190 --> 00:32:49,910 I have for all things Hoffman. So it's 857 00:32:49,910 --> 00:32:52,069 been an absolute joy and a privilege. Thank 858 00:32:52,069 --> 00:32:52,569 you. 859 00:33:04,065 --> 00:33:06,244 Thank you for listening to the Hoffman podcast. 860 00:33:06,625 --> 00:33:08,705 My name is Matt Brannigan. I'm the CEO 861 00:33:08,705 --> 00:33:11,585 of the Hoffman Institute Foundation and a Hoffman 862 00:33:11,585 --> 00:33:14,380 teacher. Our mission is to provide greater access 863 00:33:14,380 --> 00:33:16,779 to the wisdom and power of love within 864 00:33:16,779 --> 00:33:18,480 ourselves, in our relationships, 865 00:33:18,940 --> 00:33:21,420 and in the world. To learn more or 866 00:33:21,420 --> 00:33:23,420 to support our mission, we invite you to 867 00:33:23,420 --> 00:33:25,920 visit hoffmaninstitute.org.