1 00:00:01,520 --> 00:00:04,240 And then there's also this centering practice that 2 00:00:04,240 --> 00:00:06,500 helped me feel like my ancestors, 3 00:00:07,519 --> 00:00:10,400 in spirit, have my back. It reminds me 4 00:00:10,400 --> 00:00:13,359 of this lineage of courageous women. If I'm 5 00:00:13,359 --> 00:00:13,859 nervous 6 00:00:14,320 --> 00:00:14,820 about 7 00:00:15,585 --> 00:00:17,905 whatever in the day, I can think about 8 00:00:17,905 --> 00:00:20,864 what they did and just right size the 9 00:00:20,864 --> 00:00:23,585 situation I'm facing and realize that I have 10 00:00:23,585 --> 00:00:24,964 that courage in me too. 11 00:00:26,144 --> 00:00:29,289 Hello and welcome to Love's Everyday Radius, a 12 00:00:29,289 --> 00:00:31,949 podcast brought to you by the Hoffman Institute. 13 00:00:32,170 --> 00:00:34,009 My name is Sadie Hanna, and in this 14 00:00:34,009 --> 00:00:37,770 podcast, you'll hear real conversations and stories with 15 00:00:37,770 --> 00:00:40,969 graduates about their courageous journey inward, and how 16 00:00:40,969 --> 00:00:43,609 their love and light are living in the 17 00:00:43,609 --> 00:00:46,304 world around them. Love's everyday radius. 18 00:00:46,685 --> 00:00:48,304 Thank you for being here and welcome. 19 00:00:49,245 --> 00:00:52,545 Please note that this episode references genocide 20 00:00:52,925 --> 00:00:54,625 and the child's experience. 21 00:00:55,325 --> 00:00:57,825 Please use your discretion as you listen. 22 00:01:06,519 --> 00:01:09,400 Hey, everyone, and welcome to the show today. 23 00:01:09,400 --> 00:01:11,180 I'm here with Nicole Olivier. 24 00:01:11,974 --> 00:01:15,494 Nicole is a Hoffman graduate. Nicole, welcome. Thank 25 00:01:15,494 --> 00:01:17,734 you for being here. Thank you. It's always 26 00:01:17,734 --> 00:01:19,674 a gift to connect with you. 27 00:01:20,134 --> 00:01:22,075 Nicole and I first met 28 00:01:22,375 --> 00:01:23,994 at a q two. 29 00:01:24,490 --> 00:01:26,670 A q two is one of our graduate 30 00:01:26,810 --> 00:01:29,069 programs. It's a three day on-site 31 00:01:29,930 --> 00:01:30,909 program where 32 00:01:31,530 --> 00:01:33,849 you can come to deepen the work and 33 00:01:33,849 --> 00:01:34,909 past childhood 34 00:01:35,290 --> 00:01:35,790 into 35 00:01:36,329 --> 00:01:36,829 your 36 00:01:37,290 --> 00:01:38,270 current life. 37 00:01:38,884 --> 00:01:40,584 Nicole, maybe we begin there. 38 00:01:41,204 --> 00:01:44,744 What is something you'd like to share or 39 00:01:45,125 --> 00:01:47,765 a highlight from your recent q two? I 40 00:01:47,765 --> 00:01:50,185 think that the grounds that Hoffman 41 00:01:50,644 --> 00:01:51,144 selects 42 00:01:51,524 --> 00:01:52,024 is 43 00:01:52,689 --> 00:01:54,469 just an example of every 44 00:01:55,010 --> 00:01:55,510 choice 45 00:01:55,969 --> 00:01:59,430 made to design the process is so 46 00:01:59,969 --> 00:02:00,469 amazingly 47 00:02:01,329 --> 00:02:01,829 perfected. 48 00:02:02,770 --> 00:02:04,469 The site was 49 00:02:05,204 --> 00:02:08,164 really ideal in regards to just having this 50 00:02:08,164 --> 00:02:09,944 amazing setting for the work. And 51 00:02:10,805 --> 00:02:12,745 I had been at the initial 52 00:02:13,125 --> 00:02:14,745 site, White Sulfur Springs 53 00:02:15,125 --> 00:02:15,625 before 54 00:02:16,324 --> 00:02:17,465 a wildfire 55 00:02:18,300 --> 00:02:20,699 destroyed it. And I would say the same 56 00:02:20,699 --> 00:02:23,360 about that one. And I chose to go 57 00:02:23,900 --> 00:02:25,039 a few months after 58 00:02:25,500 --> 00:02:28,219 my dynamic French mother passed away. It was 59 00:02:28,219 --> 00:02:29,599 a great thing to do 60 00:02:30,074 --> 00:02:32,074 at the start of a new chapter. Okay. 61 00:02:32,074 --> 00:02:33,775 So you were coming 62 00:02:34,314 --> 00:02:36,555 after a process of saying goodbye to your 63 00:02:36,555 --> 00:02:37,055 mother. 64 00:02:37,514 --> 00:02:39,995 After a process of saying goodbye to her 65 00:02:39,995 --> 00:02:42,474 in physical, but it's been amazing the signs 66 00:02:42,474 --> 00:02:45,134 and connection I've continued to have since 67 00:02:45,439 --> 00:02:47,759 she moved on to spirit. When did she 68 00:02:47,759 --> 00:02:48,419 pass away? 69 00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:51,300 07/07/2025. 70 00:02:51,759 --> 00:02:54,159 Did you come into the Q2 knowing that 71 00:02:54,159 --> 00:02:55,699 was some of what you were carrying? 72 00:02:56,560 --> 00:02:57,860 I came into the Q2 73 00:02:58,319 --> 00:03:00,340 just feeling like it was a new chapter 74 00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:00,900 and 75 00:03:01,415 --> 00:03:02,235 I did 76 00:03:02,615 --> 00:03:04,854 feel like it was a great space to 77 00:03:04,854 --> 00:03:05,594 tap into 78 00:03:06,615 --> 00:03:07,594 some feelings 79 00:03:07,895 --> 00:03:10,455 that as a person who is wired to 80 00:03:10,455 --> 00:03:12,235 be pretty positive and optimistic, 81 00:03:13,175 --> 00:03:14,955 seeing the bright side and everything, 82 00:03:15,659 --> 00:03:17,900 It offered me the space to really tap 83 00:03:17,900 --> 00:03:18,400 into 84 00:03:19,419 --> 00:03:21,919 a part of missing her physically being here. 85 00:03:22,219 --> 00:03:23,599 It's part of the process. 86 00:03:24,300 --> 00:03:26,780 Yeah, I could see that. And how being 87 00:03:26,780 --> 00:03:28,080 in a group setting 88 00:03:28,539 --> 00:03:29,039 might 89 00:03:29,525 --> 00:03:31,925 help create a container to really drop into 90 00:03:31,925 --> 00:03:34,405 some of the grief or the loss of 91 00:03:34,405 --> 00:03:34,905 her? 92 00:03:35,365 --> 00:03:37,865 Well, every exercise is so brilliantly 93 00:03:38,165 --> 00:03:40,585 designed to tap into different parts. 94 00:03:41,205 --> 00:03:45,129 And so, yeah, there's definitely room for everything 95 00:03:45,189 --> 00:03:46,650 to come up and it just 96 00:03:47,110 --> 00:03:47,930 was so supportive. 97 00:03:48,790 --> 00:03:51,750 So speaking of what you're carrying as you 98 00:03:51,750 --> 00:03:54,569 come in, I know that you have 99 00:03:54,885 --> 00:03:55,625 an interesting 100 00:03:56,485 --> 00:03:56,985 history 101 00:03:57,365 --> 00:03:58,985 and sense of 102 00:03:59,284 --> 00:04:00,985 lineage and ancestry. 103 00:04:02,085 --> 00:04:03,544 Where would you like to begin? 104 00:04:04,805 --> 00:04:07,205 I think a good starting point is to 105 00:04:07,205 --> 00:04:08,504 share a bit of background 106 00:04:08,885 --> 00:04:09,784 that both 107 00:04:10,230 --> 00:04:12,010 my mother and father's 108 00:04:12,469 --> 00:04:14,490 families were part of the resistance 109 00:04:14,790 --> 00:04:16,169 during World War two, 110 00:04:16,790 --> 00:04:19,129 and my maternal grandparents 111 00:04:19,670 --> 00:04:21,449 escaped the Bolshevik revolution. 112 00:04:21,990 --> 00:04:22,490 So 113 00:04:22,855 --> 00:04:24,154 I grew up with stories 114 00:04:24,615 --> 00:04:26,875 about extraordinary moral courage 115 00:04:27,654 --> 00:04:29,754 and the value of being service oriented. 116 00:04:30,455 --> 00:04:31,194 And also 117 00:04:31,735 --> 00:04:33,035 there's intergenerational 118 00:04:33,574 --> 00:04:35,754 trauma from those wars. And they say 119 00:04:36,449 --> 00:04:38,930 your issues are in your tissues, but the 120 00:04:38,930 --> 00:04:40,310 issues from your ancestors 121 00:04:40,850 --> 00:04:43,430 due to epigenetics are in your tissues too. 122 00:04:44,449 --> 00:04:45,430 So you feel 123 00:04:45,730 --> 00:04:46,550 a physical 124 00:04:46,850 --> 00:04:48,769 sense of this living on in your life 125 00:04:48,769 --> 00:04:49,269 now. 126 00:04:49,569 --> 00:04:51,269 It's something that I've worked on 127 00:04:51,805 --> 00:04:52,704 and somatics 128 00:04:53,324 --> 00:04:56,064 and the physical part of the process 129 00:04:56,845 --> 00:04:59,345 were really extremely helpful in this. 130 00:04:59,805 --> 00:05:02,144 Yeah. But my father, he was 131 00:05:03,165 --> 00:05:03,665 in 132 00:05:04,125 --> 00:05:06,225 Norway during world war two. 133 00:05:06,910 --> 00:05:07,650 He was 134 00:05:08,029 --> 00:05:10,990 experiencing trauma from his father being away for 135 00:05:10,990 --> 00:05:12,370 the duration of the war. 136 00:05:12,830 --> 00:05:14,129 And his 137 00:05:14,830 --> 00:05:17,230 mother passed away from scarlet fever when he 138 00:05:17,230 --> 00:05:17,970 was seven, 139 00:05:18,350 --> 00:05:20,370 his grandfather then passed away 140 00:05:20,750 --> 00:05:22,824 from a heart attack. This is all while 141 00:05:22,824 --> 00:05:25,545 his father's away. So at this really young 142 00:05:25,545 --> 00:05:27,645 age, he experienced a lot of loss 143 00:05:28,264 --> 00:05:29,805 and also a lot of scarcity. 144 00:05:30,665 --> 00:05:31,404 So then 145 00:05:31,944 --> 00:05:33,865 in my mother's case, she was born in 146 00:05:33,865 --> 00:05:35,964 Nice and she was really 147 00:05:36,500 --> 00:05:39,379 vivacious and dynamic out of the gates. But 148 00:05:39,379 --> 00:05:41,319 she had two parents that 149 00:05:42,100 --> 00:05:42,600 were 150 00:05:43,220 --> 00:05:44,759 part of the 151 00:05:45,220 --> 00:05:48,019 wave of people who escaped Russia during the 152 00:05:48,019 --> 00:05:49,959 Bolshevik revolution. I learned 153 00:05:50,704 --> 00:05:51,764 when I was 13, 154 00:05:52,064 --> 00:05:53,664 when I asked my mother if she had 155 00:05:53,664 --> 00:05:54,485 any secrets, 156 00:05:55,345 --> 00:05:57,685 she finally told me that her father was 157 00:05:58,064 --> 00:05:58,724 a count. 158 00:05:59,584 --> 00:06:00,644 And his experience 159 00:06:01,584 --> 00:06:02,404 passed on 160 00:06:03,020 --> 00:06:06,319 through her nervous system as well. His terror 161 00:06:06,939 --> 00:06:07,840 of basically 162 00:06:08,379 --> 00:06:10,960 nearly escaping the Bolshevik revolution 163 00:06:11,500 --> 00:06:12,000 by 164 00:06:12,540 --> 00:06:14,080 running through the countryside, 165 00:06:15,420 --> 00:06:16,560 hiding in ditches, 166 00:06:17,454 --> 00:06:19,714 seeing thousands of people being killed 167 00:06:20,254 --> 00:06:21,634 right before his eyes 168 00:06:21,935 --> 00:06:23,714 as he's fleeing to safety. 169 00:06:24,095 --> 00:06:27,154 And then her mother was also from nobility 170 00:06:27,694 --> 00:06:28,995 and sent to 171 00:06:29,454 --> 00:06:29,954 France 172 00:06:30,580 --> 00:06:31,639 to a boarding school 173 00:06:32,020 --> 00:06:33,800 so that her life would be stared 174 00:06:35,220 --> 00:06:37,939 and ended up being orphaned because her family 175 00:06:37,939 --> 00:06:39,160 was killed in Russia. 176 00:06:39,699 --> 00:06:41,620 So she's got this mother and father that 177 00:06:41,620 --> 00:06:44,340 have their trauma. They get married. They're not 178 00:06:44,340 --> 00:06:45,560 together for long. 179 00:06:45,894 --> 00:06:46,394 And 180 00:06:46,935 --> 00:06:49,594 then there was world war two brewing. 181 00:06:50,055 --> 00:06:53,194 So she was a niece during that time 182 00:06:53,574 --> 00:06:55,974 and was staying with her aunts and uncle 183 00:06:55,974 --> 00:06:58,694 who was this really kindhearted preacher while her 184 00:06:58,694 --> 00:07:01,649 mom was in Paris writing for this French 185 00:07:01,649 --> 00:07:02,149 resistance 186 00:07:02,610 --> 00:07:03,110 newspaper. 187 00:07:03,810 --> 00:07:05,269 She had the positive influence 188 00:07:05,730 --> 00:07:06,470 of her 189 00:07:06,850 --> 00:07:08,709 uncle and the faith 190 00:07:09,250 --> 00:07:12,370 and their lives that were really focused on 191 00:07:12,370 --> 00:07:15,355 service, but they're at risk daily because they 192 00:07:15,355 --> 00:07:16,735 were hiding 12 193 00:07:17,194 --> 00:07:17,694 Jews 194 00:07:18,154 --> 00:07:20,235 for the duration of the war. And Nice 195 00:07:20,235 --> 00:07:22,175 was one of the most dangerous places 196 00:07:22,795 --> 00:07:25,035 in France to hide Jews because one of 197 00:07:25,035 --> 00:07:28,254 the most violent SS officers was stationed there 198 00:07:28,449 --> 00:07:30,850 three minutes away from their home. And they 199 00:07:30,850 --> 00:07:33,029 also had traders that live next door 200 00:07:33,330 --> 00:07:34,069 and kids 201 00:07:34,850 --> 00:07:35,910 who were in families 202 00:07:36,210 --> 00:07:38,149 that were part of the resistance 203 00:07:38,529 --> 00:07:39,270 were recruited 204 00:07:39,649 --> 00:07:42,610 for secret assignments because nobody would expect a 205 00:07:42,610 --> 00:07:44,314 kid to be part of the resistance. 206 00:07:44,694 --> 00:07:45,194 So 207 00:07:45,654 --> 00:07:48,214 at this incredible risk of being stopped by 208 00:07:48,214 --> 00:07:48,875 the Nazi, 209 00:07:49,254 --> 00:07:51,334 my mom, as a little child in her 210 00:07:51,334 --> 00:07:52,954 little child size shoes, 211 00:07:53,334 --> 00:07:55,035 would deliver messages 212 00:07:55,495 --> 00:07:58,634 across the countryside to other French resistance members. 213 00:07:58,860 --> 00:08:01,039 So she's passing these stern 214 00:08:01,339 --> 00:08:02,719 grown men in uniform 215 00:08:03,259 --> 00:08:04,079 with rifles. 216 00:08:05,500 --> 00:08:07,659 One of her friends was taken to a 217 00:08:07,659 --> 00:08:08,159 concentration 218 00:08:08,459 --> 00:08:10,719 camp. So, you know, the fear was real. 219 00:08:10,985 --> 00:08:13,785 Here she has these shoes with messages to 220 00:08:13,785 --> 00:08:14,925 resistance members. 221 00:08:15,225 --> 00:08:17,305 So all of this is registering in her 222 00:08:17,305 --> 00:08:18,204 nervous system. 223 00:08:18,665 --> 00:08:20,345 How old was she at this time? Do 224 00:08:20,345 --> 00:08:21,404 you have any idea? 225 00:08:21,785 --> 00:08:24,345 Yeah. She was around eight. And again, she 226 00:08:24,345 --> 00:08:26,879 was such an optimist and she created this 227 00:08:26,879 --> 00:08:29,279 club with her cousins called Le Club de 228 00:08:29,279 --> 00:08:31,620 Triomphe, which is the club of the triumphants. 229 00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:34,399 And I really feel like child members of 230 00:08:34,399 --> 00:08:36,740 the French resistance are unsung heroes 231 00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:39,840 and her family. They had rationed food, you 232 00:08:39,840 --> 00:08:41,985 know, the small amount they had with these 233 00:08:41,985 --> 00:08:44,865 12 people that they were hiding without thinking 234 00:08:44,865 --> 00:08:46,625 twice. And by the end of the war, 235 00:08:46,625 --> 00:08:48,705 they were almost too weak to get out 236 00:08:48,705 --> 00:08:50,485 of bed because they were starving. 237 00:08:50,945 --> 00:08:51,445 Wow. 238 00:08:52,065 --> 00:08:53,845 For many graduates, there's 239 00:08:54,225 --> 00:08:54,965 a sense 240 00:08:55,399 --> 00:08:56,059 of something 241 00:08:56,519 --> 00:08:57,019 being 242 00:08:57,639 --> 00:09:00,460 inherited, but it's not always quite so 243 00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:03,660 explicit where you actually have stories. 244 00:09:04,360 --> 00:09:06,540 What's that been like for you now? 245 00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:09,799 How do those issues and those stories blend 246 00:09:09,799 --> 00:09:10,540 for you? 247 00:09:11,144 --> 00:09:14,125 Well, it's helpful, very helpful to have backstory 248 00:09:14,425 --> 00:09:15,725 and we all have backstory 249 00:09:16,264 --> 00:09:18,125 and we all have some kind of intergenerational 250 00:09:18,585 --> 00:09:21,325 trauma too, but I definitely 251 00:09:21,785 --> 00:09:22,285 noticed 252 00:09:22,665 --> 00:09:25,360 that my nervous system would be more apt 253 00:09:25,360 --> 00:09:27,460 to be jumpy if I was startled 254 00:09:27,920 --> 00:09:30,560 and sort of you're, like, wired a little 255 00:09:30,560 --> 00:09:31,540 bit more 256 00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:33,139 nervously, really. 257 00:09:33,519 --> 00:09:35,620 So I found that 258 00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:39,514 I would need ways to just calm myself 259 00:09:40,214 --> 00:09:41,514 and ground myself, 260 00:09:41,894 --> 00:09:44,375 but it allows for a lot of context 261 00:09:44,375 --> 00:09:46,634 and understanding and also self compassion. 262 00:09:47,174 --> 00:09:49,414 Not only is there the nervous system part, 263 00:09:49,414 --> 00:09:51,800 people who went through the history that my 264 00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:54,279 parents had, they also are more apt to 265 00:09:54,279 --> 00:09:54,940 be worried, 266 00:09:55,399 --> 00:09:57,340 you know? So you have these people 267 00:09:57,720 --> 00:09:59,340 that are both potentially 268 00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:03,259 worrying about certain things that may be just 269 00:10:03,560 --> 00:10:06,554 anticipated risk rather than real risk. But with 270 00:10:06,554 --> 00:10:09,035 my mother as well, if you're running across 271 00:10:09,035 --> 00:10:11,915 the countryside with messages in your shoes, when 272 00:10:11,915 --> 00:10:14,095 you're eight years old during World War II, 273 00:10:14,235 --> 00:10:16,475 when your child is eight, you're not too 274 00:10:16,475 --> 00:10:18,715 worried about them going out to play and 275 00:10:18,715 --> 00:10:20,940 just coming back when it's dark, like kids 276 00:10:20,940 --> 00:10:22,480 were told to do in the seventies. 277 00:10:23,100 --> 00:10:25,279 So it's an interesting combination of things. 278 00:10:25,899 --> 00:10:28,940 And there are so many stories that would 279 00:10:28,940 --> 00:10:29,440 just 280 00:10:30,139 --> 00:10:31,360 make your jaw drop. 281 00:10:31,740 --> 00:10:33,040 To me, that's also 282 00:10:33,965 --> 00:10:35,665 what was normal. You 283 00:10:36,205 --> 00:10:37,024 do things 284 00:10:37,485 --> 00:10:38,545 to help others 285 00:10:39,565 --> 00:10:41,345 when it is not easy 286 00:10:41,884 --> 00:10:42,384 because 287 00:10:43,004 --> 00:10:44,065 that's a value. 288 00:10:44,925 --> 00:10:45,425 And 289 00:10:45,959 --> 00:10:46,459 also 290 00:10:46,919 --> 00:10:49,500 you're not always going with your plan a. 291 00:10:49,879 --> 00:10:51,959 And I think sometimes we have an idea 292 00:10:51,959 --> 00:10:53,639 of what our plan a is, but then 293 00:10:53,639 --> 00:10:54,459 life circumstances 294 00:10:54,919 --> 00:10:57,559 cause a reason to revise it. When my 295 00:10:57,559 --> 00:10:58,620 plan a changes 296 00:10:58,965 --> 00:11:00,805 so I can be of service, I noticed 297 00:11:00,805 --> 00:11:03,384 that miracles and grace happen afterwards, 298 00:11:04,325 --> 00:11:06,644 and it makes up for the time that 299 00:11:06,644 --> 00:11:07,545 I was actually 300 00:11:08,245 --> 00:11:10,644 setting aside to be of service. And aside 301 00:11:10,644 --> 00:11:12,105 that, I really do. 302 00:11:12,459 --> 00:11:13,980 When I put my hand on my heart 303 00:11:13,980 --> 00:11:15,820 and I tap into my spirit self, that's 304 00:11:15,820 --> 00:11:17,259 what I want my life to be about 305 00:11:17,259 --> 00:11:17,919 as well. 306 00:11:18,379 --> 00:11:21,179 You mentioned the need to come. When did 307 00:11:21,179 --> 00:11:23,259 you know you needed that? What did you 308 00:11:23,259 --> 00:11:23,759 do? 309 00:11:24,379 --> 00:11:24,879 So 310 00:11:25,554 --> 00:11:27,715 I guess that would probably take us to 311 00:11:27,715 --> 00:11:29,014 the formative years 312 00:11:29,634 --> 00:11:31,335 when I was growing up as a kid. 313 00:11:31,875 --> 00:11:33,495 I was born in Palo Alto, 314 00:11:34,675 --> 00:11:37,575 the first year the term Silicon Valley was 315 00:11:37,795 --> 00:11:39,575 used as a nickname for the area. 316 00:11:40,370 --> 00:11:40,870 And 317 00:11:41,250 --> 00:11:43,029 I grew up in this very 318 00:11:43,570 --> 00:11:46,870 French environment. My mom who knows six languages 319 00:11:47,009 --> 00:11:47,509 herself 320 00:11:48,529 --> 00:11:51,169 really valued knowing different languages. She taught me 321 00:11:51,169 --> 00:11:54,209 French before English. Her accent remained just as 322 00:11:54,209 --> 00:11:57,125 strong throughout her life. My dad wasn't home 323 00:11:57,125 --> 00:11:59,684 much. He was working at IBM on their 324 00:11:59,684 --> 00:12:01,144 first few things of AI, 325 00:12:01,524 --> 00:12:03,384 though it didn't catch on at that point. 326 00:12:03,445 --> 00:12:04,985 He worked a lot and 327 00:12:05,684 --> 00:12:07,524 they separated when I was three and a 328 00:12:07,524 --> 00:12:09,865 half. So that's when I started feeling 329 00:12:10,379 --> 00:12:11,120 the freeze 330 00:12:11,500 --> 00:12:12,720 and flight mode. 331 00:12:13,340 --> 00:12:14,160 Those responses 332 00:12:14,620 --> 00:12:15,120 to 333 00:12:15,500 --> 00:12:18,559 a lot of fight mode, I saw in 334 00:12:18,620 --> 00:12:21,519 my immediate environment just due to the circumstances. 335 00:12:22,884 --> 00:12:23,704 It did 336 00:12:24,004 --> 00:12:26,804 cause some fear of authority as well. So 337 00:12:26,804 --> 00:12:28,504 if you look up the YouTube 338 00:12:28,964 --> 00:12:31,065 videos of fainting goats, 339 00:12:31,605 --> 00:12:33,524 even if they get excited about what they're 340 00:12:33,524 --> 00:12:35,684 going to eat, if their nervous system feels 341 00:12:35,684 --> 00:12:36,184 startled, 342 00:12:36,819 --> 00:12:39,720 they freeze and they pretty much topple over. 343 00:12:42,019 --> 00:12:43,079 They're pretty hilarious, 344 00:12:43,459 --> 00:12:45,699 but I have compassion for the goats. So, 345 00:12:45,699 --> 00:12:48,019 yeah, during the divorce process, there was a 346 00:12:48,019 --> 00:12:48,759 lot of 347 00:12:49,059 --> 00:12:51,079 change and uncertainty. 348 00:12:51,825 --> 00:12:52,325 My 349 00:12:52,785 --> 00:12:55,345 mom moved us to Seattle with our pet 350 00:12:55,345 --> 00:12:56,965 rabbit, Peter, in the car, 351 00:12:57,585 --> 00:12:59,585 and she was up against a lot of 352 00:12:59,585 --> 00:13:00,085 challenges 353 00:13:00,865 --> 00:13:03,045 in that time in the seventies. It was, 354 00:13:03,425 --> 00:13:05,740 I guess, when we moved two years after 355 00:13:05,879 --> 00:13:08,200 one woman could apply for credit and she 356 00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:10,200 was trying to buy a house without credit 357 00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:13,340 history and it wasn't until 1994, 358 00:13:13,559 --> 00:13:16,200 that woman could legally get a mortgage without 359 00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:17,965 a man in The US. So women were 360 00:13:17,965 --> 00:13:20,365 up against a lot and she was the 361 00:13:20,365 --> 00:13:23,024 single mother. And then my father had visitation 362 00:13:23,085 --> 00:13:24,925 rights and they were going through this custody 363 00:13:24,925 --> 00:13:25,425 battle. 364 00:13:26,045 --> 00:13:29,264 And in the interim, during that nineteen seventies 365 00:13:29,940 --> 00:13:32,340 era, young kids were put on planes alone 366 00:13:32,340 --> 00:13:33,320 as unaccompanied 367 00:13:33,700 --> 00:13:34,200 minors. 368 00:13:34,580 --> 00:13:37,860 And I was sent from Seattle to San 369 00:13:37,860 --> 00:13:40,179 Francisco at roughly five or six years old 370 00:13:40,179 --> 00:13:41,559 with knots in my stomach. 371 00:13:42,095 --> 00:13:44,335 You know, there's a reason that's not allowed 372 00:13:44,335 --> 00:13:44,835 anymore. 373 00:13:46,254 --> 00:13:47,235 It's not appropriate 374 00:13:47,535 --> 00:13:49,795 for a kid to travel on a plane 375 00:13:49,855 --> 00:13:51,795 at that age by themselves. 376 00:13:52,654 --> 00:13:54,254 And then in the first full year in 377 00:13:54,254 --> 00:13:57,299 Seattle, my mom who was amazing was looking 378 00:13:57,379 --> 00:13:59,720 for a job as a French teacher 379 00:14:00,580 --> 00:14:02,580 and it took a while and it challenged 380 00:14:02,580 --> 00:14:04,679 her faith and it strengthened it. 381 00:14:05,299 --> 00:14:07,559 What did it feel like to be 382 00:14:08,580 --> 00:14:11,399 five years old and afraid on an airplane? 383 00:14:11,985 --> 00:14:14,245 It felt really lonely. 384 00:14:14,784 --> 00:14:15,924 And also 385 00:14:16,865 --> 00:14:18,404 on a cellular level, 386 00:14:19,105 --> 00:14:20,325 I felt 387 00:14:20,705 --> 00:14:21,205 numb. 388 00:14:21,904 --> 00:14:22,404 I 389 00:14:22,865 --> 00:14:23,605 pretty much 390 00:14:24,459 --> 00:14:26,000 had no feeling in my body. 391 00:14:26,539 --> 00:14:27,279 I was 392 00:14:27,580 --> 00:14:28,879 pretty much petrified. 393 00:14:30,620 --> 00:14:32,779 And that is a feeling that when I 394 00:14:32,779 --> 00:14:33,919 get into that 395 00:14:34,379 --> 00:14:35,360 freeze mode, 396 00:14:35,899 --> 00:14:38,639 flight mode, whatever might trigger it, 397 00:14:39,335 --> 00:14:41,595 That's really the feeling that 398 00:14:42,295 --> 00:14:43,115 comes back. 399 00:14:43,575 --> 00:14:46,615 I could see how you and your mom 400 00:14:46,615 --> 00:14:49,415 might have a similar experience, even though being 401 00:14:49,415 --> 00:14:51,495 on a plane on your own at five 402 00:14:51,495 --> 00:14:52,555 is very different. 403 00:14:53,299 --> 00:14:54,440 That total 404 00:14:54,820 --> 00:14:55,320 fear. 405 00:14:56,659 --> 00:14:59,220 How did you come to manage that at 406 00:14:59,220 --> 00:15:01,299 such a young age? How did you learn 407 00:15:01,299 --> 00:15:02,199 to calm yourself? 408 00:15:03,779 --> 00:15:07,000 Oh, okay. So with all the 409 00:15:07,495 --> 00:15:09,514 upheaval and everything in the family 410 00:15:10,215 --> 00:15:11,915 and my mother also, 411 00:15:12,615 --> 00:15:15,014 because she was trying to accomplish so much, 412 00:15:15,014 --> 00:15:17,335 she was getting her masters. She was working 413 00:15:17,335 --> 00:15:19,335 full time. She was even writing a book 414 00:15:19,335 --> 00:15:21,754 about being positive during a divorce. 415 00:15:22,580 --> 00:15:23,960 I was left 416 00:15:24,419 --> 00:15:25,480 to my own devices 417 00:15:25,940 --> 00:15:27,879 a lot. And I was also 418 00:15:28,419 --> 00:15:31,460 really overwhelmed with this idea since my mother 419 00:15:31,460 --> 00:15:31,960 was 420 00:15:32,419 --> 00:15:34,660 a single parent and a public school teacher. 421 00:15:34,660 --> 00:15:37,240 I knew I had to pay for college 422 00:15:37,575 --> 00:15:39,415 myself. So there was like this weight of 423 00:15:39,415 --> 00:15:41,975 the world. And I started working when I 424 00:15:41,975 --> 00:15:42,875 was really young 425 00:15:43,254 --> 00:15:44,875 as a latchkey kid. Also, 426 00:15:45,654 --> 00:15:49,254 I would sit by the stereo speaker with 427 00:15:49,254 --> 00:15:50,955 the record player on, 428 00:15:51,269 --> 00:15:53,670 And I always had this passion, this love 429 00:15:53,670 --> 00:15:57,190 for writing. So I would have my face 430 00:15:57,190 --> 00:15:59,590 so close to the journal that I would 431 00:15:59,590 --> 00:16:00,889 see the blue 432 00:16:01,350 --> 00:16:01,850 ink 433 00:16:02,710 --> 00:16:05,784 just bleed into the paper through the crisscrosses 434 00:16:06,084 --> 00:16:08,184 of the fiber of the paper and this 435 00:16:08,404 --> 00:16:10,745 blue line that I'd be writing on. 436 00:16:11,284 --> 00:16:13,304 And I would, in my imagination, 437 00:16:13,764 --> 00:16:16,325 basically dive into this blue line as if 438 00:16:16,325 --> 00:16:18,690 it was the horizon of the sea. And 439 00:16:18,690 --> 00:16:21,029 then I would be in this other world 440 00:16:21,809 --> 00:16:25,009 and these stories would just channel through me 441 00:16:25,009 --> 00:16:27,250 and I would write them down. And so 442 00:16:27,250 --> 00:16:30,290 that really offered me so much calm and 443 00:16:30,290 --> 00:16:31,669 it was actually, 444 00:16:32,129 --> 00:16:33,669 I think, a really positive 445 00:16:34,664 --> 00:16:36,664 form of escape for a bit. And it 446 00:16:36,664 --> 00:16:37,884 brought me a lot of peace. 447 00:16:39,144 --> 00:16:41,964 So here you are holding presence, 448 00:16:42,584 --> 00:16:43,084 holding 449 00:16:43,705 --> 00:16:44,205 service 450 00:16:44,584 --> 00:16:46,365 and heroic bravery, 451 00:16:46,985 --> 00:16:47,804 and also 452 00:16:48,264 --> 00:16:49,004 an overwhelm 453 00:16:49,384 --> 00:16:49,884 response 454 00:16:50,230 --> 00:16:51,529 in your adult life. 455 00:16:51,990 --> 00:16:53,289 What happened for you 456 00:16:54,070 --> 00:16:56,730 carrying that into your process week? 457 00:16:57,429 --> 00:16:59,350 I guess maybe I also wanna cover a 458 00:16:59,350 --> 00:17:01,910 little bit that the first time I had 459 00:17:01,910 --> 00:17:03,049 terror without, 460 00:17:03,714 --> 00:17:04,455 you know, this colossal 461 00:17:04,835 --> 00:17:07,174 level in in regards to family 462 00:17:07,554 --> 00:17:10,535 was when I was a junior in college. 463 00:17:11,234 --> 00:17:13,095 And I recontacted 464 00:17:14,275 --> 00:17:17,234 my father after twelve years of not knowing 465 00:17:17,234 --> 00:17:17,734 him. 466 00:17:18,160 --> 00:17:19,619 And I had no 467 00:17:19,920 --> 00:17:22,640 tools really at that point, except maybe for 468 00:17:22,640 --> 00:17:23,299 the writing. 469 00:17:23,920 --> 00:17:26,180 That was probably one of the most 470 00:17:26,559 --> 00:17:28,559 frightening things I've ever done in my life 471 00:17:28,559 --> 00:17:29,539 to this day. 472 00:17:30,375 --> 00:17:32,535 I just wanted to know who this man 473 00:17:32,535 --> 00:17:34,055 was on my own instead of what I 474 00:17:34,055 --> 00:17:36,154 was guessing about him. 475 00:17:36,535 --> 00:17:38,934 He had his own emotional history and he 476 00:17:38,934 --> 00:17:39,994 was quite guarded. 477 00:17:40,375 --> 00:17:42,950 I would say that I see that love 478 00:17:42,950 --> 00:17:45,029 is mainly a verb and that everyone is 479 00:17:45,029 --> 00:17:46,950 doing their best at any given point in 480 00:17:46,950 --> 00:17:47,849 time. But 481 00:17:48,230 --> 00:17:49,990 to me, he was this, you know, very 482 00:17:49,990 --> 00:17:52,170 scary person in my mind. So 483 00:17:52,789 --> 00:17:54,890 I forgot he had a Norwegian accent. 484 00:17:55,384 --> 00:17:56,904 He was this man who left when I 485 00:17:56,904 --> 00:17:58,125 was three and a half. 486 00:17:59,225 --> 00:18:01,305 So I share that because this is also 487 00:18:01,305 --> 00:18:02,525 part of my process 488 00:18:02,904 --> 00:18:05,384 about, again, goes back to this fear of 489 00:18:05,384 --> 00:18:05,884 authority. 490 00:18:06,505 --> 00:18:08,845 When I went into the process week, 491 00:18:09,839 --> 00:18:12,319 I had these touch points, including when I 492 00:18:12,319 --> 00:18:13,539 was in 493 00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:14,500 advertising 494 00:18:15,119 --> 00:18:16,900 and my career life. 495 00:18:17,279 --> 00:18:19,920 I was there during a transition period where 496 00:18:19,920 --> 00:18:22,575 the industry still had the glass ceiling and 497 00:18:22,654 --> 00:18:26,815 it was 3% female creative directors to 97% 498 00:18:26,815 --> 00:18:27,315 men. 499 00:18:27,694 --> 00:18:29,315 And I really wanted 500 00:18:29,934 --> 00:18:32,355 in my personal life to 501 00:18:33,855 --> 00:18:36,414 get more strength and more courage. I had 502 00:18:36,414 --> 00:18:37,234 some great 503 00:18:37,859 --> 00:18:40,980 mentors along the way that showed me a 504 00:18:40,980 --> 00:18:41,480 contrast. 505 00:18:42,420 --> 00:18:44,339 So you you're saying you came to the 506 00:18:44,339 --> 00:18:46,740 process wanting more strength and courage and knowing 507 00:18:46,740 --> 00:18:48,440 you had this fear of authority. 508 00:18:49,700 --> 00:18:52,660 Yeah, it really, it really could affect, you 509 00:18:52,660 --> 00:18:53,160 know, 510 00:18:53,795 --> 00:18:55,795 every area of my life. And so I 511 00:18:55,795 --> 00:18:57,815 wanted to step into more strength. 512 00:18:58,515 --> 00:18:59,255 The writing 513 00:18:59,714 --> 00:19:01,414 showed up again when 514 00:19:02,355 --> 00:19:03,494 I had this 515 00:19:04,275 --> 00:19:05,174 feature script 516 00:19:05,490 --> 00:19:08,049 that just channeled through me one day in 517 00:19:08,049 --> 00:19:09,430 the course of seven days. 518 00:19:09,890 --> 00:19:12,849 And I felt again like this was the 519 00:19:12,849 --> 00:19:14,630 work that I was meant to do. 520 00:19:15,170 --> 00:19:18,930 I submitted it to this competition of sorts 521 00:19:18,930 --> 00:19:22,484 that Sundance has. I submitted twice projects and 522 00:19:22,484 --> 00:19:24,804 it made it to the second round twice, 523 00:19:24,804 --> 00:19:27,065 which is roughly a 150 524 00:19:27,764 --> 00:19:28,264 submissions 525 00:19:28,565 --> 00:19:30,184 out of 3,000. 526 00:19:30,244 --> 00:19:33,029 And that gave me the sense of belief 527 00:19:33,569 --> 00:19:35,430 that what I was doing was good, 528 00:19:36,130 --> 00:19:37,589 but I wanted to have 529 00:19:38,130 --> 00:19:38,630 the 530 00:19:39,250 --> 00:19:39,750 courage 531 00:19:40,210 --> 00:19:40,710 to 532 00:19:41,250 --> 00:19:41,750 face 533 00:19:42,210 --> 00:19:42,710 the 534 00:19:43,730 --> 00:19:47,190 challenges that come ahead with making any project 535 00:19:47,865 --> 00:19:48,845 come to life 536 00:19:49,384 --> 00:19:51,724 and just in any area of life facing 537 00:19:52,025 --> 00:19:53,325 authority. So 538 00:19:53,625 --> 00:19:56,285 I came into the process because the universe 539 00:19:56,345 --> 00:19:58,684 kind of hands you exactly the situations 540 00:19:59,224 --> 00:20:01,224 you need to grow. At least it did 541 00:20:01,224 --> 00:20:02,599 for me. And 542 00:20:02,900 --> 00:20:05,140 I would just get really overwhelmed by strong 543 00:20:05,140 --> 00:20:05,640 personalities. 544 00:20:06,259 --> 00:20:08,420 I also needed to recognize that I was 545 00:20:08,420 --> 00:20:09,960 being a willing participant 546 00:20:10,660 --> 00:20:13,059 and that I needed to create better boundaries 547 00:20:13,059 --> 00:20:14,740 and I could choose the people that I 548 00:20:14,740 --> 00:20:17,225 was interacting with. And I do wanna say 549 00:20:17,225 --> 00:20:19,225 that at the same time, I have a 550 00:20:19,225 --> 00:20:21,225 lot of compassion for what people call the 551 00:20:21,225 --> 00:20:23,144 bully, and I wish you know, that I 552 00:20:23,144 --> 00:20:24,045 know that shorthand, 553 00:20:24,505 --> 00:20:26,505 but it's really just a person in fight 554 00:20:26,505 --> 00:20:28,980 mode that stems from trauma too. I love 555 00:20:28,980 --> 00:20:30,920 this quote from A Course in Miracles. 556 00:20:31,299 --> 00:20:31,799 Anything 557 00:20:33,220 --> 00:20:35,240 is either love or a call for love. 558 00:20:35,619 --> 00:20:37,700 But a few respected people that I know 559 00:20:37,700 --> 00:20:38,359 in psychology 560 00:20:39,220 --> 00:20:40,920 had recommended the process. 561 00:20:41,494 --> 00:20:43,414 Dave Rico, who wrote this book, When the 562 00:20:43,414 --> 00:20:45,654 Past is the Present, along with some other 563 00:20:45,654 --> 00:20:46,154 books. 564 00:20:46,535 --> 00:20:47,835 My somatic therapist, 565 00:20:48,215 --> 00:20:49,115 Pawan Baresha, 566 00:20:49,654 --> 00:20:52,075 she helped me with this nervous forest animal 567 00:20:52,134 --> 00:20:52,634 feeling 568 00:20:53,174 --> 00:20:54,315 and panic attacks. 569 00:20:55,255 --> 00:20:55,755 So 570 00:20:56,259 --> 00:20:56,759 if 571 00:20:57,140 --> 00:21:00,099 you are nervous about authority, you tend to 572 00:21:00,099 --> 00:21:01,859 also want to make sure you're in good 573 00:21:01,859 --> 00:21:04,679 hands. So then I landed at the process. 574 00:21:04,900 --> 00:21:07,779 So take us to your process week. What 575 00:21:07,779 --> 00:21:09,720 happened for you there? What did you learn? 576 00:21:10,095 --> 00:21:12,095 Gosh so much, but I wanna start off 577 00:21:12,095 --> 00:21:13,855 sharing that one of the first things you 578 00:21:13,855 --> 00:21:15,775 do with the process is to pick a 579 00:21:15,775 --> 00:21:16,674 spirit guide. 580 00:21:16,974 --> 00:21:18,835 I thought mine would be something 581 00:21:19,535 --> 00:21:22,575 more angelic looking, but when I closed my 582 00:21:22,575 --> 00:21:25,230 eyes, when I was tapping in seeing what 583 00:21:25,230 --> 00:21:26,049 would come, 584 00:21:26,750 --> 00:21:27,569 what came 585 00:21:28,029 --> 00:21:29,890 was out of this mist 586 00:21:30,430 --> 00:21:33,710 with these bushes that looked like I was 587 00:21:33,710 --> 00:21:36,430 at white sulfur springs. And then I hear 588 00:21:36,430 --> 00:21:37,250 these hooves 589 00:21:37,630 --> 00:21:39,170 clopping on cobblestone. 590 00:21:40,184 --> 00:21:41,704 And then all of a sudden I see 591 00:21:41,704 --> 00:21:42,524 this goat, 592 00:21:43,944 --> 00:21:46,125 it's a goat and his name is Louis. 593 00:21:46,424 --> 00:21:49,484 And my spirit guide was Louis, the talking 594 00:21:49,544 --> 00:21:53,159 goat. And whenever Louis would give me wise 595 00:21:53,159 --> 00:21:55,880 guidance, it would be in the sound of 596 00:21:55,880 --> 00:21:57,980 a goat, like, well, Nicole. 597 00:22:00,359 --> 00:22:03,240 Like it was blind. So it offered some 598 00:22:03,240 --> 00:22:03,740 levity. 599 00:22:04,234 --> 00:22:06,474 I think people arrived to the process kind 600 00:22:06,474 --> 00:22:08,255 of nervous. They're not sure what's 601 00:22:08,555 --> 00:22:11,674 ahead. So that gave you some comfort. And 602 00:22:11,674 --> 00:22:12,974 it sounds like also 603 00:22:13,434 --> 00:22:14,095 a symmetry 604 00:22:14,634 --> 00:22:15,134 to 605 00:22:15,674 --> 00:22:17,930 that experience of the freezing goat when you 606 00:22:17,930 --> 00:22:19,930 felt the sense of overwhelm and here's this 607 00:22:19,930 --> 00:22:21,630 like talking goat of wisdom. 608 00:22:22,970 --> 00:22:24,029 Yeah. Unexpected. 609 00:22:24,410 --> 00:22:27,470 I was not expecting that, but for me 610 00:22:28,650 --> 00:22:29,390 with basically 611 00:22:30,090 --> 00:22:31,789 my wife's work 612 00:22:32,355 --> 00:22:34,934 emotionally being about building courage. 613 00:22:36,115 --> 00:22:37,494 Hoffman helped me 614 00:22:37,795 --> 00:22:39,795 with so much. It's really hard to pick 615 00:22:39,795 --> 00:22:42,994 one favorite thing because each exercise was so 616 00:22:42,994 --> 00:22:43,494 helpful, 617 00:22:44,309 --> 00:22:47,190 but the expression piece for what I needed 618 00:22:47,190 --> 00:22:48,169 to work on, 619 00:22:48,950 --> 00:22:51,589 it helped me to create better boundaries and 620 00:22:51,589 --> 00:22:53,929 to tap into my strength. And 621 00:22:54,389 --> 00:22:56,009 I also learned about bioenergetics, 622 00:22:56,549 --> 00:22:58,869 how, if you have an intention, something you're 623 00:22:58,869 --> 00:23:01,955 working on while you're doing a certain exercise 624 00:23:02,095 --> 00:23:04,035 and bodied work to change it, 625 00:23:04,734 --> 00:23:05,474 it really 626 00:23:05,775 --> 00:23:07,634 has a more lasting effect. 627 00:23:07,934 --> 00:23:10,275 And I also have these really viscerally 628 00:23:11,134 --> 00:23:11,634 powerful 629 00:23:12,174 --> 00:23:12,674 experiences 630 00:23:13,295 --> 00:23:14,515 to look back on 631 00:23:14,929 --> 00:23:17,170 that in a moment, if I'm feeling like 632 00:23:17,170 --> 00:23:18,470 I'm facing challenge, 633 00:23:19,250 --> 00:23:21,329 I just have this vision of the strength 634 00:23:21,329 --> 00:23:23,329 that I tapped into. And so that really 635 00:23:23,329 --> 00:23:26,069 helped me. And then there's also the centering 636 00:23:26,130 --> 00:23:29,134 practice that helped me feel like my 637 00:23:29,595 --> 00:23:30,095 ancestors 638 00:23:30,555 --> 00:23:33,355 in spirit have my back. It reminds me 639 00:23:33,355 --> 00:23:35,615 of this lineage of courageous women. 640 00:23:36,154 --> 00:23:37,775 You know, if I'm nervous 641 00:23:38,315 --> 00:23:38,815 about 642 00:23:39,674 --> 00:23:42,075 whatever in the day, I can think about 643 00:23:42,075 --> 00:23:43,740 what they did and just 644 00:23:44,220 --> 00:23:46,559 right size the situation I'm facing 645 00:23:47,019 --> 00:23:48,859 and realize that I have that courage in 646 00:23:48,859 --> 00:23:50,559 me too. It helps a lot. 647 00:23:51,420 --> 00:23:51,920 So 648 00:23:52,859 --> 00:23:54,079 would you say 649 00:23:54,700 --> 00:23:56,079 that you've found 650 00:23:56,619 --> 00:23:57,839 a level of courage 651 00:23:58,164 --> 00:24:00,345 that you didn't know before? What did you 652 00:24:00,724 --> 00:24:01,224 discover? 653 00:24:02,325 --> 00:24:03,464 A certain situation 654 00:24:03,765 --> 00:24:05,625 that I faced post process 655 00:24:06,644 --> 00:24:07,144 was 656 00:24:08,244 --> 00:24:08,984 to me, 657 00:24:09,444 --> 00:24:11,464 such a great personal triumph 658 00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:15,099 and given my old patterns 659 00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:17,559 that I had around fear and standing up 660 00:24:17,559 --> 00:24:18,299 for myself. 661 00:24:19,079 --> 00:24:20,299 And this situation 662 00:24:20,759 --> 00:24:23,799 took an extraordinary level of challenge. I'd say 663 00:24:23,799 --> 00:24:25,720 if I rated it from zero to 10, 664 00:24:25,720 --> 00:24:27,019 it felt like a 20, 665 00:24:27,734 --> 00:24:30,474 and it truly took all my courage. And 666 00:24:30,615 --> 00:24:31,355 I connected 667 00:24:31,734 --> 00:24:32,555 to my power 668 00:24:33,095 --> 00:24:34,474 and my spirit guide 669 00:24:34,775 --> 00:24:35,674 and prevailed. 670 00:24:36,295 --> 00:24:36,795 And 671 00:24:37,174 --> 00:24:38,075 that was 672 00:24:39,255 --> 00:24:39,914 to me 673 00:24:41,309 --> 00:24:43,950 really I'm speechless in a way, because I 674 00:24:43,950 --> 00:24:45,809 would not have been able to do that 675 00:24:45,950 --> 00:24:46,769 pre process 676 00:24:48,509 --> 00:24:51,490 again. You know, it goes back to just 677 00:24:51,789 --> 00:24:52,289 recognizing 678 00:24:53,444 --> 00:24:54,184 from those 679 00:24:54,884 --> 00:24:57,544 expression exercises, the strength I had 680 00:24:57,845 --> 00:24:58,585 in myself. 681 00:24:58,884 --> 00:24:59,865 And then also 682 00:25:00,565 --> 00:25:02,984 in the process, there were exercises 683 00:25:03,524 --> 00:25:04,825 that were about worth 684 00:25:05,619 --> 00:25:06,359 and about 685 00:25:06,819 --> 00:25:09,240 deserving your space on this planet. 686 00:25:10,740 --> 00:25:12,599 And that just really underlined, 687 00:25:12,900 --> 00:25:15,079 like I need to stand up for myself. 688 00:25:15,700 --> 00:25:18,279 And since I was setting these 689 00:25:18,755 --> 00:25:21,174 new courageous ways into being 690 00:25:21,475 --> 00:25:23,715 the extra support of the coaching calls were 691 00:25:23,715 --> 00:25:24,215 really 692 00:25:24,674 --> 00:25:25,174 wonderful. 693 00:25:25,715 --> 00:25:27,394 I mean, these are things that I'm trying 694 00:25:27,394 --> 00:25:29,095 to change after a lifetime. 695 00:25:30,275 --> 00:25:31,654 So that was really 696 00:25:32,289 --> 00:25:32,789 so 697 00:25:33,170 --> 00:25:33,670 reinforcing. 698 00:25:34,450 --> 00:25:37,570 So fast forward now, as we begin to 699 00:25:37,570 --> 00:25:38,549 wrap up 700 00:25:39,329 --> 00:25:41,750 your with your mother, as she's 701 00:25:42,289 --> 00:25:44,545 nearing the end of her life, We know 702 00:25:44,545 --> 00:25:46,865 ultimately you end up at the q two. 703 00:25:46,865 --> 00:25:48,884 Is there anything that you wanna share 704 00:25:49,265 --> 00:25:49,765 around 705 00:25:50,224 --> 00:25:50,724 integration, 706 00:25:51,345 --> 00:25:51,845 around 707 00:25:52,144 --> 00:25:53,365 your power 708 00:25:53,664 --> 00:25:54,484 post process? 709 00:25:55,184 --> 00:25:57,819 Well, it kinda circles back to a personal 710 00:25:57,819 --> 00:25:58,319 example 711 00:25:58,619 --> 00:26:00,159 of when plan a changes 712 00:26:00,700 --> 00:26:03,359 and being service oriented when it isn't easy, 713 00:26:03,579 --> 00:26:05,179 it can be a right road choice. I 714 00:26:05,179 --> 00:26:07,519 mean, sometimes I think people feel like 715 00:26:08,139 --> 00:26:10,539 being of service, if it's really a big 716 00:26:10,539 --> 00:26:11,440 ask is 717 00:26:11,865 --> 00:26:15,005 losing yourself, but not always for sure. 718 00:26:15,464 --> 00:26:17,305 So not too long after I did the 719 00:26:17,305 --> 00:26:20,184 process, first there was COVID. And then on 720 00:26:20,184 --> 00:26:21,644 the coattails of that, 721 00:26:22,105 --> 00:26:23,565 at the age of 89, 722 00:26:23,704 --> 00:26:24,204 my 723 00:26:24,690 --> 00:26:27,649 vibrant French mom had a stroke that impacted 724 00:26:27,649 --> 00:26:28,309 her balance. 725 00:26:29,009 --> 00:26:30,769 She was really lucky. You know, she had 726 00:26:30,769 --> 00:26:33,250 this outlook that how lucky to have one's 727 00:26:33,250 --> 00:26:36,230 balance affected instead of one's thinking, but 728 00:26:36,704 --> 00:26:38,784 because of her high fall risk and the 729 00:26:38,784 --> 00:26:40,704 blood thinner, she needed 247 730 00:26:40,704 --> 00:26:41,204 assistance. 731 00:26:41,825 --> 00:26:42,964 So I chose 732 00:26:43,664 --> 00:26:45,984 to put my career on pause to help 733 00:26:45,984 --> 00:26:48,005 her for another three and a half years 734 00:26:48,559 --> 00:26:50,640 So she could stay in the comfort of 735 00:26:50,640 --> 00:26:52,799 her own home. And she did until she 736 00:26:52,799 --> 00:26:55,460 passed away peacefully at almost 93. 737 00:26:56,400 --> 00:26:59,519 The daily wisdom she shared in her final 738 00:26:59,519 --> 00:27:02,559 years that could only be developed after nine 739 00:27:02,559 --> 00:27:03,059 decades 740 00:27:03,434 --> 00:27:03,934 of 741 00:27:04,315 --> 00:27:06,715 a life we'll live. They were such golden 742 00:27:06,715 --> 00:27:09,195 nuggets and I jotted down at least four 743 00:27:09,195 --> 00:27:11,855 quotes and anecdotes each day about faith, 744 00:27:12,555 --> 00:27:14,894 courage, and a lot of dry humor. 745 00:27:15,355 --> 00:27:17,375 So this time that I 746 00:27:17,830 --> 00:27:19,850 put aside to help my mother, 747 00:27:20,309 --> 00:27:22,789 it also is inspiring a film about her 748 00:27:22,789 --> 00:27:23,289 life. 749 00:27:23,990 --> 00:27:26,630 One example of her wisdom is when I 750 00:27:26,630 --> 00:27:29,210 shared concern about current politics, 751 00:27:29,750 --> 00:27:30,970 she said that 752 00:27:31,294 --> 00:27:32,194 in her lifetime, 753 00:27:32,575 --> 00:27:35,214 Europe was being overtaken by the Nazi, but 754 00:27:35,214 --> 00:27:36,115 they were defeated. 755 00:27:36,815 --> 00:27:39,294 Germany also went on to take down the 756 00:27:39,294 --> 00:27:40,994 wall between east and west 757 00:27:41,375 --> 00:27:43,534 and that so much can change in a 758 00:27:43,534 --> 00:27:45,554 relatively short period of time. 759 00:27:46,140 --> 00:27:47,279 Very, very comforting. 760 00:27:47,820 --> 00:27:50,559 That's so comforting, especially given all that's happening 761 00:27:50,940 --> 00:27:51,440 now. 762 00:27:52,140 --> 00:27:55,820 Let's end on this. If there were a 763 00:27:55,820 --> 00:27:58,859 message you were carrying in your shoes, as 764 00:27:58,859 --> 00:28:00,559 you cared for your mother, 765 00:28:01,184 --> 00:28:02,085 what would it 766 00:28:02,944 --> 00:28:04,565 be? Trust in your inner knowing. 767 00:28:05,744 --> 00:28:06,244 Absolutely. 768 00:28:07,264 --> 00:28:09,345 And know that your angels do have your 769 00:28:09,345 --> 00:28:09,845 back. 770 00:28:10,384 --> 00:28:12,704 There was this one time since my mother 771 00:28:12,704 --> 00:28:13,524 passed where 772 00:28:14,269 --> 00:28:15,809 I get messages daily, 773 00:28:16,269 --> 00:28:17,329 but during 774 00:28:17,710 --> 00:28:19,490 the pandemic, we would go 775 00:28:19,950 --> 00:28:21,409 walk up to Coit Tower. 776 00:28:21,950 --> 00:28:24,210 So one of these days after her passing, 777 00:28:24,509 --> 00:28:26,634 I'm going up to Coit 778 00:28:27,014 --> 00:28:30,054 Tower and I see written in the cement 779 00:28:30,054 --> 00:28:31,654 for the first time ever that I've done 780 00:28:31,654 --> 00:28:33,514 this path so many times, 781 00:28:33,974 --> 00:28:37,095 my mother's name, Tanya in cement on a 782 00:28:37,095 --> 00:28:37,595 staircase. 783 00:28:38,220 --> 00:28:39,599 And on the way down, 784 00:28:39,980 --> 00:28:42,220 I said in my thoughts to her, I 785 00:28:42,220 --> 00:28:42,960 love you. 786 00:28:43,259 --> 00:28:43,759 And 787 00:28:44,299 --> 00:28:46,380 not a moment later, I looked to the 788 00:28:46,380 --> 00:28:48,160 pavement and in chalk 789 00:28:48,539 --> 00:28:51,884 written out in all caps is love lips. 790 00:28:52,765 --> 00:28:54,144 Oh, that's beautiful. 791 00:28:54,605 --> 00:28:57,244 Nicole, thank you so much for sharing your 792 00:28:57,244 --> 00:28:57,744 story 793 00:28:58,045 --> 00:28:59,105 with listeners, 794 00:28:59,644 --> 00:29:00,464 with me 795 00:29:01,005 --> 00:29:02,384 speaking it out loud. 796 00:29:02,924 --> 00:29:04,224 I appreciate you. 797 00:29:04,639 --> 00:29:07,700 I appreciate you all so much. Every teacher, 798 00:29:07,839 --> 00:29:10,259 really. You're all so amazing. Thank you. 799 00:29:17,914 --> 00:29:19,994 Thank you for listening to our podcast. My 800 00:29:19,994 --> 00:29:22,394 name is Liza Ingrassi. I'm the CEO and 801 00:29:22,394 --> 00:29:24,494 president of Hoffman Institute Foundation. 802 00:29:24,954 --> 00:29:26,174 And I'm Razi Ingrassi, 803 00:29:26,875 --> 00:29:29,914 Hoffman teacher and founder of the Hoffman Institute 804 00:29:29,914 --> 00:29:30,414 Foundation. 805 00:29:31,140 --> 00:29:34,019 Our mission is to provide people greater access 806 00:29:34,019 --> 00:29:36,340 to the wisdom and power of love. In 807 00:29:36,340 --> 00:29:38,920 themselves, in each other and in the world. 808 00:29:39,140 --> 00:29:42,920 To find out more, please go to hoffmaninstitute.org.