1 00:00:01,439 --> 00:00:03,359 When I stopped performing for the world and 2 00:00:03,359 --> 00:00:05,839 I learned to trust my own light, my 3 00:00:05,839 --> 00:00:06,660 own power, 4 00:00:07,120 --> 00:00:08,339 my own knowing, 5 00:00:09,439 --> 00:00:11,859 my life changed, my art changed, and 6 00:00:12,404 --> 00:00:13,785 I feel very connected. 7 00:00:14,324 --> 00:00:16,824 Feel very connected to all of it now. 8 00:00:17,125 --> 00:00:19,605 Yeah. And it's not outside of me. It's 9 00:00:19,605 --> 00:00:20,105 inside. 10 00:00:21,765 --> 00:00:24,724 Hello and welcome to Love's Everyday Radius, a 11 00:00:24,724 --> 00:00:25,224 podcast 12 00:00:25,524 --> 00:00:27,949 brought to you by the Hoffman Institute. My 13 00:00:27,949 --> 00:00:30,129 name is Sadie Hanna, and in this podcast, 14 00:00:30,349 --> 00:00:31,809 you'll hear real conversations 15 00:00:32,109 --> 00:00:33,809 and stories with graduates 16 00:00:34,109 --> 00:00:36,909 about their courageous journey inward and how their 17 00:00:36,909 --> 00:00:39,549 love and light are living in the world 18 00:00:39,549 --> 00:00:41,864 around them. Love's everyday radius. 19 00:00:42,244 --> 00:00:43,945 Thank you for being here and welcome. 20 00:00:50,484 --> 00:00:53,765 Hey, everyone, and welcome. I'm Sadie. I'm here 21 00:00:53,765 --> 00:00:56,740 with Veda McFall. McFall. Veda is a Hoffman 22 00:00:56,740 --> 00:00:57,960 grad. She's also 23 00:00:58,340 --> 00:00:59,240 an incredible 24 00:01:00,020 --> 00:01:01,320 artist of, 25 00:01:01,780 --> 00:01:03,000 for sure, paint. 26 00:01:03,620 --> 00:01:05,700 But I think more than that is I've 27 00:01:05,700 --> 00:01:08,040 gotten to know you just in our preparation 28 00:01:08,180 --> 00:01:09,079 for this conversation. 29 00:01:09,700 --> 00:01:10,200 You 30 00:01:10,634 --> 00:01:11,614 have art 31 00:01:12,234 --> 00:01:15,375 and creativity, like pulsing through your veins. 32 00:01:15,914 --> 00:01:17,674 And so we're gonna get into some of 33 00:01:17,674 --> 00:01:18,575 that today. 34 00:01:19,194 --> 00:01:22,015 Why don't we start by you just introducing 35 00:01:22,155 --> 00:01:24,075 yourself? Tell us a bit about who you 36 00:01:24,075 --> 00:01:24,575 are 37 00:01:25,240 --> 00:01:26,780 and what's important to you. 38 00:01:27,079 --> 00:01:29,240 Thank you so much, Sadie. I think you're 39 00:01:29,240 --> 00:01:31,079 right, and I'm really honored that you noticed 40 00:01:31,079 --> 00:01:33,799 that. My world is my art and my 41 00:01:33,799 --> 00:01:35,980 creativity, and my day is my canvas. 42 00:01:36,599 --> 00:01:38,359 I am just so honored to be having 43 00:01:38,359 --> 00:01:40,804 this conversation with you. You know, this past 44 00:01:40,804 --> 00:01:42,524 year and a half and year of my 45 00:01:42,524 --> 00:01:44,304 life has been so 46 00:01:44,604 --> 00:01:46,924 big for me in my lifetime, and Hoffman 47 00:01:46,924 --> 00:01:49,344 Process is such a significant part of that. 48 00:01:49,644 --> 00:01:52,284 To feel like people see that, people feel 49 00:01:52,284 --> 00:01:54,284 that, they feel that change in me, and 50 00:01:54,284 --> 00:01:56,770 the fact that you wanna have this conversation 51 00:01:56,829 --> 00:01:57,969 with me is, like, 52 00:01:58,270 --> 00:01:59,810 just the greatest honor, 53 00:02:00,430 --> 00:02:00,930 really. 54 00:02:01,310 --> 00:02:02,049 Thank you. 55 00:02:02,750 --> 00:02:05,310 Oh, it's a pleasure, and I'm excited to 56 00:02:05,310 --> 00:02:06,850 learn more about you. 57 00:02:07,465 --> 00:02:09,465 I mean, your art is a story of 58 00:02:09,465 --> 00:02:12,444 transformation that speaks for itself with no words. 59 00:02:13,145 --> 00:02:15,784 When did you actually take the process and 60 00:02:15,784 --> 00:02:17,884 what brought you there initially? 61 00:02:18,425 --> 00:02:20,580 Oh, those are two big questions. Well, I 62 00:02:20,580 --> 00:02:23,379 have been a professional artist my entire life. 63 00:02:23,379 --> 00:02:25,699 It's the work that I've done and been 64 00:02:25,699 --> 00:02:27,319 paid for since I was a teenager. 65 00:02:27,699 --> 00:02:29,459 About a year and a half ago, I 66 00:02:29,459 --> 00:02:31,959 felt a really deep calling to 67 00:02:32,259 --> 00:02:34,680 change my direction of my art. 68 00:02:35,025 --> 00:02:36,724 I had specialized in 69 00:02:37,025 --> 00:02:38,944 black and white portraits for the last twelve 70 00:02:38,944 --> 00:02:39,764 years with 71 00:02:40,305 --> 00:02:43,504 commission portraits and clients, and they were very 72 00:02:43,504 --> 00:02:46,145 dramatic, very large scale, like four or five 73 00:02:46,145 --> 00:02:46,645 feet 74 00:02:47,099 --> 00:02:47,599 and 75 00:02:47,979 --> 00:02:48,800 very meticulous, 76 00:02:49,099 --> 00:02:51,599 black and white, dramatic, you know, every eyelash. 77 00:02:52,699 --> 00:02:54,479 I just felt the spontaneous 78 00:02:55,020 --> 00:02:57,740 need to do something very different. And one 79 00:02:57,740 --> 00:02:58,800 night I did that. 80 00:02:59,175 --> 00:03:01,974 I started, like, painting with full spectrum of 81 00:03:01,974 --> 00:03:04,614 color with my hands, sometimes with my eyes 82 00:03:04,614 --> 00:03:05,114 closed. 83 00:03:05,414 --> 00:03:07,194 It was such a different experience 84 00:03:07,974 --> 00:03:10,694 than the professional work I had done. That 85 00:03:10,694 --> 00:03:12,395 started about a year and a half ago, 86 00:03:12,620 --> 00:03:14,219 and I just kinda kept going with it 87 00:03:14,219 --> 00:03:16,159 and I wasn't sure why it was happening 88 00:03:16,620 --> 00:03:18,780 and I quickly decided I was going to 89 00:03:18,780 --> 00:03:21,739 be making a collection of 100 pieces which 90 00:03:21,739 --> 00:03:24,219 is sort of unheard of. And again, these 91 00:03:24,219 --> 00:03:26,319 were all very large scale paintings 92 00:03:27,014 --> 00:03:27,514 and 93 00:03:28,375 --> 00:03:31,674 my life started having really big shifts 94 00:03:32,055 --> 00:03:34,715 as I continued with these paintings. 95 00:03:35,094 --> 00:03:37,174 On an artistic level, you know, we have 96 00:03:37,174 --> 00:03:38,634 a story here and 97 00:03:39,319 --> 00:03:40,699 my personal life 98 00:03:41,080 --> 00:03:41,580 truly 99 00:03:42,120 --> 00:03:44,620 emerged and developed alongside the artwork 100 00:03:44,919 --> 00:03:46,860 over this last year and a half. 101 00:03:47,319 --> 00:03:50,060 So about midway through this 100 102 00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:51,180 piece collection 103 00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:52,060 was 104 00:03:52,544 --> 00:03:53,384 April 105 00:03:53,384 --> 00:03:54,224 2025, 106 00:03:54,224 --> 00:03:57,044 and that's when I had my Hoffman process. 107 00:03:57,185 --> 00:03:58,564 It was in Calgary, 108 00:03:59,104 --> 00:04:01,185 in Alberta, in the woods of Canada, I 109 00:04:01,185 --> 00:04:01,685 say. 110 00:04:02,144 --> 00:04:04,484 And it was interesting. It just happened accidentally 111 00:04:04,544 --> 00:04:05,525 that I had completed 112 00:04:05,824 --> 00:04:06,965 painting 50, 113 00:04:07,264 --> 00:04:07,764 and 114 00:04:08,430 --> 00:04:11,229 I was titling each painting just by the 115 00:04:11,229 --> 00:04:13,789 number. So I have painting one, two, three, 116 00:04:13,789 --> 00:04:14,289 right, 117 00:04:14,669 --> 00:04:15,889 49, 50 118 00:04:16,189 --> 00:04:18,350 and that was very intentional that I didn't 119 00:04:18,350 --> 00:04:21,310 want to give any predetermined meaning to any 120 00:04:21,310 --> 00:04:24,165 piece. I really wanted the meaning to be 121 00:04:24,165 --> 00:04:26,884 from the viewer, and that was their power. 122 00:04:26,884 --> 00:04:28,185 Right? It wasn't mine. 123 00:04:28,564 --> 00:04:32,165 So painting titled 50 was completed, and I 124 00:04:32,165 --> 00:04:33,305 went off to Hoffman. 125 00:04:34,259 --> 00:04:36,040 Before this shift, 126 00:04:36,420 --> 00:04:37,240 full color, 127 00:04:37,939 --> 00:04:39,399 some degree of 128 00:04:39,779 --> 00:04:41,160 abandon of these, 129 00:04:41,699 --> 00:04:45,079 your words here, dramatic, controlled, and exceptionally 130 00:04:46,019 --> 00:04:46,519 detailed 131 00:04:46,980 --> 00:04:47,480 artwork. 132 00:04:48,224 --> 00:04:49,844 Tell me more about what 133 00:04:50,305 --> 00:04:53,764 was being expressed through you in that artwork. 134 00:04:55,024 --> 00:04:58,164 Well, my clients were primarily children and animals, 135 00:04:58,305 --> 00:05:01,125 so my subject matter was always very loved 136 00:05:01,185 --> 00:05:01,925 by someone. 137 00:05:02,509 --> 00:05:04,910 It was always very gratifying to have this 138 00:05:04,910 --> 00:05:05,810 grand unveiling 139 00:05:06,189 --> 00:05:08,509 in front of the client and they were 140 00:05:08,509 --> 00:05:11,169 deeply moved and I made them so happy. 141 00:05:11,310 --> 00:05:11,810 And 142 00:05:12,350 --> 00:05:14,829 I started to realize that the experience very 143 00:05:14,829 --> 00:05:17,229 much was about them and making someone else 144 00:05:17,229 --> 00:05:17,729 happy. 145 00:05:18,185 --> 00:05:19,485 And, also, 146 00:05:20,425 --> 00:05:22,904 so much of my identity was wrapped up 147 00:05:22,904 --> 00:05:24,925 in showing off my skill 148 00:05:25,305 --> 00:05:27,305 and look how skilled I am. Look what 149 00:05:27,305 --> 00:05:30,104 a good artist I am. Look how trained 150 00:05:30,104 --> 00:05:30,764 I am. 151 00:05:31,410 --> 00:05:33,569 I wanted to sort of challenge my ego 152 00:05:33,569 --> 00:05:35,410 to not need to always show that off 153 00:05:35,410 --> 00:05:35,910 because 154 00:05:36,769 --> 00:05:37,269 my 155 00:05:37,569 --> 00:05:39,750 even greater talent really is the creativity. 156 00:05:40,449 --> 00:05:42,529 What if I shifted my art to show 157 00:05:42,529 --> 00:05:43,350 off my creativity 158 00:05:43,729 --> 00:05:45,269 more than showing off my 159 00:05:45,794 --> 00:05:49,235 artistic skill per se. We will include a 160 00:05:49,235 --> 00:05:50,375 link to 161 00:05:50,754 --> 00:05:54,035 your work in our show notes. I'm looking 162 00:05:54,035 --> 00:05:55,414 at some of these images, 163 00:05:56,194 --> 00:05:57,495 and they are incredible. 164 00:05:59,620 --> 00:06:02,259 And I can see how someone would have 165 00:06:02,259 --> 00:06:04,979 a very clear expectation of what they want 166 00:06:04,979 --> 00:06:06,680 if they've commissioned you to 167 00:06:07,060 --> 00:06:10,279 paint the likeness of their most beloved being. 168 00:06:10,899 --> 00:06:12,279 Yeah. It's a great honor. 169 00:06:12,735 --> 00:06:14,995 As I would begin with a blank canvas, 170 00:06:15,055 --> 00:06:17,535 I certainly knew what the outcome needed to 171 00:06:17,535 --> 00:06:21,055 look like, right? There wasn't mystery there. I 172 00:06:21,055 --> 00:06:23,074 knew what the painting needed to look like 173 00:06:23,134 --> 00:06:25,854 and I always exceeded expectations and it I 174 00:06:25,854 --> 00:06:28,169 mean, people really were deeply moved. I mean, 175 00:06:28,169 --> 00:06:30,810 I would really interview the client about the 176 00:06:30,810 --> 00:06:31,310 personality, 177 00:06:31,769 --> 00:06:33,689 even if it was a dog, you know, 178 00:06:33,689 --> 00:06:35,529 tell me about their personality. What are they 179 00:06:35,529 --> 00:06:38,589 like? People often felt like I really captured 180 00:06:38,970 --> 00:06:41,370 the character in the eyes with the glisten 181 00:06:41,370 --> 00:06:44,144 and the eyelashes, you know, with the abstract 182 00:06:44,144 --> 00:06:46,944 work that I started doing, it was like, 183 00:06:46,944 --> 00:06:48,544 I didn't know what it would turn out 184 00:06:48,544 --> 00:06:50,805 like. It would start to emerge. 185 00:06:51,105 --> 00:06:53,904 Sometimes I would even close my eyes to 186 00:06:53,904 --> 00:06:56,144 sort of put that first initial paint on 187 00:06:56,144 --> 00:06:57,125 the blank canvas 188 00:06:57,745 --> 00:06:58,245 and 189 00:06:59,019 --> 00:06:59,839 it started 190 00:07:00,300 --> 00:07:02,379 sort of becoming like it was born in 191 00:07:02,379 --> 00:07:05,339 front of me. It felt very much birth 192 00:07:05,339 --> 00:07:07,579 like and I have four children that were 193 00:07:07,579 --> 00:07:09,259 all born at home. So, you know, you 194 00:07:09,259 --> 00:07:11,040 don't know who they're going to be. 195 00:07:11,794 --> 00:07:13,175 And so that was a very 196 00:07:13,555 --> 00:07:14,055 contrasting 197 00:07:14,435 --> 00:07:16,514 experience of my artwork. When I did the 198 00:07:16,514 --> 00:07:17,014 portraits, 199 00:07:17,394 --> 00:07:20,834 I mean, literally black and white dramatic, stark, 200 00:07:20,834 --> 00:07:23,555 meticulous detail and I knew what it needed 201 00:07:23,555 --> 00:07:25,094 to look like in the end. 202 00:07:25,810 --> 00:07:28,209 When I started doing the abstract work, which 203 00:07:28,209 --> 00:07:30,930 I sort of call, I don't know, intuitive 204 00:07:30,930 --> 00:07:32,470 painting, expressive painting, 205 00:07:32,930 --> 00:07:34,449 I didn't know what it would turn out 206 00:07:34,449 --> 00:07:36,529 like. I didn't know what colors were going 207 00:07:36,529 --> 00:07:38,689 to happen. I allowed my body to make 208 00:07:38,689 --> 00:07:40,610 it and I allowed it to be born 209 00:07:40,610 --> 00:07:42,495 in front of me. And then 210 00:07:42,795 --> 00:07:43,375 I intentionally 211 00:07:43,754 --> 00:07:46,334 did not put meaning on what this abstract 212 00:07:46,475 --> 00:07:49,035 piece was. I could see how there could 213 00:07:49,035 --> 00:07:51,375 be a bit of courage required 214 00:07:51,915 --> 00:07:54,394 to do that. If you're being commissioned, you 215 00:07:54,394 --> 00:07:56,819 already have someone who wants to buy the 216 00:07:56,819 --> 00:07:59,060 painting. And this is like, I'm gonna birth 217 00:07:59,060 --> 00:08:01,480 this painting and who knows 218 00:08:02,020 --> 00:08:03,080 how it's received. 219 00:08:03,779 --> 00:08:04,839 And I don't care. 220 00:08:05,379 --> 00:08:07,779 Yeah. When I first started painting these, it 221 00:08:07,779 --> 00:08:10,180 wasn't even for a client. I never had 222 00:08:10,180 --> 00:08:13,175 the intention of even necessarily selling them. I 223 00:08:13,175 --> 00:08:15,334 needed a gift for my husband whose birthday 224 00:08:15,334 --> 00:08:16,474 was in a couple days. 225 00:08:17,334 --> 00:08:19,654 And so I always turned to artwork. I 226 00:08:19,654 --> 00:08:21,894 made this painting, and I used my hands. 227 00:08:21,894 --> 00:08:23,754 I didn't use any tools or brushes. 228 00:08:24,069 --> 00:08:26,230 And I made three that night. I stayed 229 00:08:26,230 --> 00:08:28,389 up until one in the morning painting like 230 00:08:28,389 --> 00:08:30,649 a crazy person. I couldn't stop 231 00:08:31,110 --> 00:08:31,610 and 232 00:08:32,070 --> 00:08:34,309 I did three more the next day and 233 00:08:34,309 --> 00:08:36,970 it felt so good in my body 234 00:08:37,684 --> 00:08:40,164 that without any client without needing to show 235 00:08:40,164 --> 00:08:42,325 them off, it was starting to feel so 236 00:08:42,325 --> 00:08:45,065 good. I noticed that I was really procrastinating 237 00:08:45,365 --> 00:08:47,605 when it came to my previous professional work 238 00:08:47,605 --> 00:08:49,524 like I would have the orders, but I'd 239 00:08:49,524 --> 00:08:51,365 really take my time getting to them. And 240 00:08:51,365 --> 00:08:53,579 I kind of started to question like as 241 00:08:53,579 --> 00:08:55,899 an artist, you're supposed to really love this 242 00:08:55,899 --> 00:08:58,860 whole process and experience. And I was really 243 00:08:58,860 --> 00:09:00,000 loving the unveiling, 244 00:09:00,620 --> 00:09:02,879 but I procrastinated the actual process. 245 00:09:03,339 --> 00:09:06,539 So I kinda just inquired within myself about 246 00:09:06,539 --> 00:09:06,945 that. 247 00:09:07,345 --> 00:09:09,904 And when I started painting with my hands, 248 00:09:09,904 --> 00:09:12,785 I was like, this feels amazing. And my 249 00:09:12,785 --> 00:09:14,945 my manicure would get all messed up and 250 00:09:14,945 --> 00:09:17,024 I was getting paint all over. And I 251 00:09:17,024 --> 00:09:17,684 was just 252 00:09:18,225 --> 00:09:20,325 I was acting about as opposite 253 00:09:20,705 --> 00:09:22,740 as I could from what I had been 254 00:09:22,740 --> 00:09:23,240 doing. 255 00:09:23,940 --> 00:09:26,019 Yeah. And it, you know, it felt brave, 256 00:09:26,019 --> 00:09:28,500 sure, but it's just because it felt so 257 00:09:28,500 --> 00:09:31,320 good. Part of me that wonders what 258 00:09:31,620 --> 00:09:32,120 shifted 259 00:09:32,580 --> 00:09:33,399 in you 260 00:09:33,779 --> 00:09:34,279 between 261 00:09:34,820 --> 00:09:35,320 that 262 00:09:35,954 --> 00:09:37,174 controlled, detailed, 263 00:09:37,954 --> 00:09:38,454 very 264 00:09:39,074 --> 00:09:39,574 specific 265 00:09:40,514 --> 00:09:41,654 type of expression 266 00:09:42,194 --> 00:09:44,214 to waking up and saying, 267 00:09:44,754 --> 00:09:46,054 I'm doing this differently. 268 00:09:46,995 --> 00:09:49,654 You mentioned some personal upheaval 269 00:09:50,440 --> 00:09:52,620 in your life, and we know you ultimately 270 00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:53,500 landed 271 00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:56,759 at the Hoffman process, this place where you're 272 00:09:56,759 --> 00:09:58,759 like, something's gotta change and I'm here to 273 00:09:58,759 --> 00:10:01,639 do the work. So what was brewing in 274 00:10:01,639 --> 00:10:02,700 you personally 275 00:10:04,455 --> 00:10:05,674 that was underneath 276 00:10:06,054 --> 00:10:08,534 this shift in your artwork and ultimately you 277 00:10:08,534 --> 00:10:10,154 showing up to take the process? 278 00:10:10,534 --> 00:10:11,514 When I first 279 00:10:11,894 --> 00:10:14,455 started these paintings, I didn't know what it 280 00:10:14,455 --> 00:10:16,695 would mean, and I didn't know that it 281 00:10:16,695 --> 00:10:17,355 would be 282 00:10:17,690 --> 00:10:19,549 literally a visual representation 283 00:10:20,649 --> 00:10:22,830 of my personal inner transformation. 284 00:10:23,690 --> 00:10:25,610 That's what makes it so interesting is that 285 00:10:25,610 --> 00:10:27,149 it is like it's an illustration 286 00:10:27,529 --> 00:10:30,089 of me changing as a human being. So 287 00:10:30,089 --> 00:10:31,769 this was the year leading up to me 288 00:10:31,769 --> 00:10:32,669 turning 40, 289 00:10:33,455 --> 00:10:33,955 and 290 00:10:34,495 --> 00:10:36,575 this was the time for me. I think 291 00:10:36,575 --> 00:10:38,915 it was time for me in this lifetime 292 00:10:39,054 --> 00:10:40,115 to learn lessons 293 00:10:40,894 --> 00:10:42,894 and make shifts that I had maybe tried 294 00:10:42,894 --> 00:10:44,909 to in the past, but I didn't. 295 00:10:45,549 --> 00:10:46,049 And 296 00:10:46,829 --> 00:10:48,429 I wanted to do it in this lifetime. 297 00:10:48,429 --> 00:10:50,350 I wanted to do the work. I wanted 298 00:10:50,350 --> 00:10:51,730 to challenge my ego 299 00:10:52,429 --> 00:10:54,829 to not need to show off skill and 300 00:10:54,829 --> 00:10:56,370 get that outside affirmation. 301 00:10:57,389 --> 00:10:59,569 With this art, I was able to 302 00:11:00,375 --> 00:11:02,475 start to challenge my ego in that way. 303 00:11:02,934 --> 00:11:04,554 Your art as an illustration 304 00:11:05,254 --> 00:11:05,754 of 305 00:11:06,294 --> 00:11:08,315 change and maybe a permission 306 00:11:08,855 --> 00:11:10,794 to do something differently. 307 00:11:11,495 --> 00:11:13,415 We know you ultimately ended up at the 308 00:11:13,415 --> 00:11:13,915 process. 309 00:11:14,899 --> 00:11:16,200 Leading up to it, 310 00:11:16,980 --> 00:11:18,920 what was happening for you personally 311 00:11:19,460 --> 00:11:22,420 in your life? You mentioned some upheaval and 312 00:11:22,420 --> 00:11:25,139 some change. Tell us more about that. Well, 313 00:11:25,139 --> 00:11:27,240 in my most significant and primary 314 00:11:27,540 --> 00:11:29,080 relationship with my husband, 315 00:11:29,460 --> 00:11:32,684 we'd spent twelve years together at that point, 316 00:11:32,684 --> 00:11:33,184 and 317 00:11:33,884 --> 00:11:35,824 we really were in a cycle 318 00:11:36,125 --> 00:11:37,985 of behavior and 319 00:11:39,004 --> 00:11:42,444 upheaval within the relationship, and I needed to 320 00:11:42,444 --> 00:11:44,524 make a dramatic move to cut us out 321 00:11:44,524 --> 00:11:45,745 of that cycle. 322 00:11:46,420 --> 00:11:46,920 Unfortunately, 323 00:11:47,300 --> 00:11:49,480 the way that I thought I needed 324 00:11:50,100 --> 00:11:52,259 to change that cycle we are in was 325 00:11:52,259 --> 00:11:52,759 to 326 00:11:53,139 --> 00:11:54,840 end that part of our relationship. 327 00:11:55,620 --> 00:11:58,679 And it certainly was the most difficult winter 328 00:11:59,220 --> 00:12:01,800 of our in our whole family's life. 329 00:12:02,554 --> 00:12:05,034 I will always be sorry for the pain 330 00:12:05,034 --> 00:12:06,975 that it caused all of the people 331 00:12:07,355 --> 00:12:08,254 in our life, 332 00:12:08,714 --> 00:12:10,894 but I don't regret it at all 333 00:12:11,355 --> 00:12:11,855 because 334 00:12:13,115 --> 00:12:14,254 it has absolutely 335 00:12:14,634 --> 00:12:17,274 brought us to the new relationship that we 336 00:12:17,274 --> 00:12:17,970 have now. 337 00:12:18,449 --> 00:12:21,429 It's brought me to my own inner spirituality. 338 00:12:22,529 --> 00:12:24,389 It's brought me to 339 00:12:24,929 --> 00:12:27,269 being just a powerful, content, 340 00:12:27,730 --> 00:12:28,709 loving person. 341 00:12:29,409 --> 00:12:31,409 I think every single person in our life, 342 00:12:31,409 --> 00:12:33,669 in our family, in our friend circles, 343 00:12:34,504 --> 00:12:36,445 I think they're actually all grateful 344 00:12:36,904 --> 00:12:39,004 for who I've become because of this. 345 00:12:39,544 --> 00:12:40,044 And, 346 00:12:40,345 --> 00:12:42,184 you know, if I had been able to 347 00:12:42,184 --> 00:12:44,605 do it any other way, I would have. 348 00:12:44,745 --> 00:12:47,065 But I guess I needed to hit that 349 00:12:47,065 --> 00:12:47,804 rock bottom 350 00:12:48,629 --> 00:12:51,769 where I really realized how alone I was 351 00:12:51,990 --> 00:12:53,370 in order to make a decision 352 00:12:53,910 --> 00:12:54,410 that 353 00:12:54,790 --> 00:12:56,710 this is the type of relationship I wanted 354 00:12:56,710 --> 00:12:57,610 with my partner. 355 00:12:58,230 --> 00:13:00,710 We really only were separated for a very 356 00:13:00,710 --> 00:13:01,529 brief moment, 357 00:13:02,095 --> 00:13:03,394 you know, maybe weeks. 358 00:13:03,855 --> 00:13:04,355 But 359 00:13:04,894 --> 00:13:07,294 it was months leading up to that of 360 00:13:07,294 --> 00:13:07,794 this 361 00:13:08,654 --> 00:13:09,154 tumultuous 362 00:13:09,695 --> 00:13:11,934 back and forth about what we were going 363 00:13:11,934 --> 00:13:14,914 to do, but I couldn't refer inward. 364 00:13:15,455 --> 00:13:17,475 I wasn't sure why this was happening. 365 00:13:18,789 --> 00:13:20,789 And I know that we couldn't continue living 366 00:13:20,789 --> 00:13:23,029 the way we had been living, but I 367 00:13:23,029 --> 00:13:24,629 didn't know what was on the other side 368 00:13:24,629 --> 00:13:26,549 of it. And I guess at that moment, 369 00:13:26,549 --> 00:13:28,250 you know, life could have gone 370 00:13:28,629 --> 00:13:29,610 in any direction. 371 00:13:30,625 --> 00:13:33,504 But we decided to start over and build 372 00:13:33,504 --> 00:13:34,964 a completely new relationship. 373 00:13:35,745 --> 00:13:38,065 And shortly after that was when I was 374 00:13:38,065 --> 00:13:41,345 scheduled for the Hoffman process. So already arriving 375 00:13:41,345 --> 00:13:44,000 to the Hoffman process, I knew that I 376 00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:46,419 wanted this life with him, with my children, 377 00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:47,379 with my family. 378 00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:50,820 But the depth of our relationship now 379 00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:53,700 is just so different, and 380 00:13:54,320 --> 00:13:57,120 it wouldn't have gotten there. We would have 381 00:13:57,120 --> 00:14:00,324 continued on in this, I don't know, every 382 00:14:00,324 --> 00:14:02,725 four to six month turmoil that we were 383 00:14:02,725 --> 00:14:03,225 in 384 00:14:03,605 --> 00:14:05,464 for twelve, thirteen years. 385 00:14:06,164 --> 00:14:08,565 I mean, it's just gone. It's just not 386 00:14:08,565 --> 00:14:09,625 who we are anymore. 387 00:14:10,004 --> 00:14:12,664 And so he actually did the Hoffman process 388 00:14:12,850 --> 00:14:14,870 seven months after I did. 389 00:14:15,570 --> 00:14:18,850 And to have that shared experience now, we 390 00:14:18,850 --> 00:14:22,549 have an actual spiritual connection within our relationship 391 00:14:22,690 --> 00:14:24,789 now. And so interesting, because 392 00:14:25,169 --> 00:14:27,029 when I came back from the process, 393 00:14:27,365 --> 00:14:29,284 I couldn't talk about any of it. I 394 00:14:29,284 --> 00:14:30,504 couldn't share anything. 395 00:14:31,044 --> 00:14:33,524 And when he came back, we were finally 396 00:14:33,524 --> 00:14:35,284 able to be like, hey, you remember when 397 00:14:35,284 --> 00:14:36,884 we did this? And how did you feel 398 00:14:36,884 --> 00:14:39,865 about that? And really, truly binding, 399 00:14:40,370 --> 00:14:42,529 you know, and many, many months later, we'll 400 00:14:42,529 --> 00:14:45,589 still refer to something about some discovery that 401 00:14:45,649 --> 00:14:47,909 either of us had during the process. 402 00:14:48,690 --> 00:14:52,149 It's like the artwork started and the artwork 403 00:14:52,370 --> 00:14:53,350 had to, 404 00:14:53,955 --> 00:14:56,375 it had to be this catalyst for change 405 00:14:56,675 --> 00:14:58,835 for me. And I thought it was just 406 00:14:58,835 --> 00:15:01,475 in the artwork, but it led to change 407 00:15:01,475 --> 00:15:03,634 within me as a person. It led to 408 00:15:03,634 --> 00:15:05,175 change within my relationship. 409 00:15:06,149 --> 00:15:06,649 It's 410 00:15:07,110 --> 00:15:08,089 like, I understand 411 00:15:08,549 --> 00:15:10,809 all of it now. I understand the why. 412 00:15:11,269 --> 00:15:12,169 And, ultimately, 413 00:15:12,629 --> 00:15:15,209 the art started teaching me the lessons. 414 00:15:16,389 --> 00:15:19,875 That happened post Hoffman. So when I came 415 00:15:19,875 --> 00:15:22,455 back from Hoffman, that's when the artwork actually 416 00:15:22,514 --> 00:15:24,055 started speaking to me 417 00:15:24,595 --> 00:15:27,154 and giving me the lessons. And I'd love 418 00:15:27,154 --> 00:15:28,855 to give you examples of those. 419 00:15:29,315 --> 00:15:31,634 Yeah. Give us some examples of the lessons 420 00:15:31,634 --> 00:15:32,535 you've learned. 421 00:15:32,929 --> 00:15:34,690 I hear you saying it's not only about 422 00:15:34,690 --> 00:15:36,629 the art. That was a representation 423 00:15:37,730 --> 00:15:39,990 of change that was happening in other ways. 424 00:15:40,289 --> 00:15:42,069 Tell us a bit about what you learned. 425 00:15:42,690 --> 00:15:44,709 The powerful lesson came 426 00:15:45,089 --> 00:15:47,110 when I started painting after Hoffman. 427 00:15:47,569 --> 00:15:48,069 So 428 00:15:48,985 --> 00:15:51,404 during my process, it was a particularly 429 00:15:51,945 --> 00:15:54,345 quiet moment perhaps, and I just took the 430 00:15:54,345 --> 00:15:55,804 back of one of my papers 431 00:15:56,345 --> 00:15:58,264 and a regular pen, and I sort of 432 00:15:58,264 --> 00:16:00,184 just closed my eyes, and I started making 433 00:16:00,184 --> 00:16:01,325 some lines and 434 00:16:01,839 --> 00:16:04,240 drawing some shapes on the paper. And then 435 00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:06,480 I opened my eyes, and I took another 436 00:16:06,480 --> 00:16:08,559 piece of paper, and I just did several 437 00:16:08,559 --> 00:16:09,220 of those. 438 00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:12,000 And it was kind of interesting how there 439 00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:13,059 was kinda similarity 440 00:16:13,519 --> 00:16:15,299 between four pieces of paper 441 00:16:15,644 --> 00:16:17,805 and similar shape. And I didn't think much 442 00:16:17,805 --> 00:16:19,245 of it, and I tucked it behind in 443 00:16:19,245 --> 00:16:19,904 my binder. 444 00:16:20,285 --> 00:16:22,785 So when I came home after the process, 445 00:16:23,325 --> 00:16:25,004 maybe took me another week to get back 446 00:16:25,004 --> 00:16:25,985 into my studio. 447 00:16:26,605 --> 00:16:28,685 And even though all of the paintings were 448 00:16:28,685 --> 00:16:30,144 coming from a place of intuition, 449 00:16:30,730 --> 00:16:32,730 prior to that, I really took an extra 450 00:16:32,730 --> 00:16:33,950 moment to sort of, 451 00:16:34,410 --> 00:16:36,410 I don't know, hold my hands on my 452 00:16:36,410 --> 00:16:39,149 heart and take a moment before I started 453 00:16:39,529 --> 00:16:42,250 painting or drawing. I closed my eyes, and 454 00:16:42,250 --> 00:16:44,009 I just reached my arm out. I had 455 00:16:44,009 --> 00:16:45,774 a piece of charcoal in my hand, And 456 00:16:45,774 --> 00:16:48,014 I just started making a shape with my 457 00:16:48,014 --> 00:16:49,534 arm. And it wasn't just my hand, it 458 00:16:49,534 --> 00:16:52,095 was like a full arm projection, right. And, 459 00:16:52,334 --> 00:16:53,955 this was four by four feet 460 00:16:54,414 --> 00:16:56,414 piece that I was working with. And I 461 00:16:56,414 --> 00:16:58,860 just repeated the shape with my arm over 462 00:16:58,860 --> 00:17:00,539 and over, and I opened my eyes and 463 00:17:00,539 --> 00:17:02,699 I loved it. And I rotated the canvas 464 00:17:02,699 --> 00:17:05,440 and I continued this sort of these patterns. 465 00:17:05,579 --> 00:17:07,740 And I did that for the next several 466 00:17:07,740 --> 00:17:08,240 paintings. 467 00:17:08,940 --> 00:17:11,679 And as I'm making number 55, 468 00:17:12,684 --> 00:17:13,585 I realize 469 00:17:14,205 --> 00:17:15,744 that there's this correlation 470 00:17:17,164 --> 00:17:17,664 between 471 00:17:17,965 --> 00:17:20,525 this repetitive line pattern I'm creating on the 472 00:17:20,525 --> 00:17:21,025 canvas 473 00:17:21,484 --> 00:17:22,465 and the repetitive 474 00:17:23,164 --> 00:17:23,664 patterns 475 00:17:24,205 --> 00:17:26,684 of behavior in life, in my life, in 476 00:17:26,684 --> 00:17:27,744 anyone's life. 477 00:17:28,200 --> 00:17:31,079 And just like I can choose to stop 478 00:17:31,079 --> 00:17:33,019 making that line on that canvas. 479 00:17:34,119 --> 00:17:34,619 I 480 00:17:35,079 --> 00:17:37,480 have choice to stop making that pattern in 481 00:17:37,480 --> 00:17:37,980 life. 482 00:17:38,359 --> 00:17:40,299 And I looked back at these paintings. 483 00:17:40,759 --> 00:17:41,659 And I'm like, 484 00:17:42,119 --> 00:17:42,619 Wow, 485 00:17:43,105 --> 00:17:44,325 This is the lesson. 486 00:17:44,784 --> 00:17:47,105 This is me. Just like I have chosen 487 00:17:47,105 --> 00:17:48,164 to end patterns 488 00:17:48,865 --> 00:17:51,365 and live in my authentic self, 489 00:17:51,904 --> 00:17:53,684 I'm choosing to stop this line. 490 00:17:54,384 --> 00:17:56,865 Days later, I pull my binder out and 491 00:17:56,865 --> 00:17:59,309 I pull those pieces of paper out, and 492 00:17:59,309 --> 00:18:01,169 it's the same shape. 493 00:18:01,869 --> 00:18:03,710 I mean, I was blown away. Like, that 494 00:18:03,710 --> 00:18:06,049 came from my body without looking, 495 00:18:06,429 --> 00:18:08,589 and it repeated in my paintings for the 496 00:18:08,589 --> 00:18:11,069 next, I don't know, 12 paintings. And it's 497 00:18:11,069 --> 00:18:11,890 not about 498 00:18:12,845 --> 00:18:13,744 being perfect 499 00:18:14,045 --> 00:18:15,904 in any way from this point forward. 500 00:18:16,684 --> 00:18:18,625 But I have daily awareness 501 00:18:18,924 --> 00:18:21,404 when these type of patterns pop up for 502 00:18:21,404 --> 00:18:24,765 me of, you know, this outside validation, outside 503 00:18:24,765 --> 00:18:25,265 affirmation. 504 00:18:26,285 --> 00:18:27,424 Like, very often, 505 00:18:28,299 --> 00:18:30,299 I might share with someone I'm an artist 506 00:18:30,299 --> 00:18:32,380 and I shut start showing them my artwork, 507 00:18:32,380 --> 00:18:35,019 which is, you know, the colorful abstracts, the 508 00:18:35,019 --> 00:18:35,839 finger painting. 509 00:18:36,140 --> 00:18:36,640 And 510 00:18:36,940 --> 00:18:39,099 I catch myself having the urge to be 511 00:18:39,099 --> 00:18:40,619 like, oh, well, this is what I do 512 00:18:40,619 --> 00:18:42,539 now, but but look at what I used 513 00:18:42,539 --> 00:18:45,505 to do. Look at my skill. Look what 514 00:18:45,505 --> 00:18:47,985 a good artist I am. And I would 515 00:18:47,985 --> 00:18:49,445 catch myself. Right? 516 00:18:49,825 --> 00:18:51,985 And I'm like, why am I doing that? 517 00:18:51,985 --> 00:18:53,684 Why do I need to do that? 518 00:18:54,384 --> 00:18:55,125 And so 519 00:18:55,690 --> 00:18:58,250 beyond that initial lesson, I would say that 520 00:18:58,250 --> 00:19:01,289 that lesson of repetitive line and pattern was 521 00:19:01,289 --> 00:19:02,750 the first time that I noticed, 522 00:19:03,049 --> 00:19:05,529 wow, there's actual lessons in here. And from 523 00:19:05,529 --> 00:19:07,789 that point forward, there were many, many more. 524 00:19:07,930 --> 00:19:08,830 As an example, 525 00:19:09,924 --> 00:19:11,445 I sort of have a rule that I 526 00:19:11,445 --> 00:19:13,924 don't throw away a canvas. I just let 527 00:19:13,924 --> 00:19:15,945 it dry, and I keep painting over it. 528 00:19:16,164 --> 00:19:18,325 And sometimes I talk to myself, and I 529 00:19:18,325 --> 00:19:20,724 record videos of all of the paintings I 530 00:19:20,724 --> 00:19:23,125 make. And so I would maybe talk to 531 00:19:23,125 --> 00:19:26,140 myself, and you don't stop. It's just the 532 00:19:26,140 --> 00:19:28,319 journey, and all of the layers underneath 533 00:19:28,700 --> 00:19:31,519 are all important to the overall finished work. 534 00:19:32,059 --> 00:19:34,460 Don't stop. Don't throw it away. Don't give 535 00:19:34,460 --> 00:19:35,759 up. That's not a mistake. 536 00:19:36,220 --> 00:19:38,640 Just layer. Just keep painting over it. 537 00:19:39,034 --> 00:19:40,554 The paintings that I had the most struggle 538 00:19:40,554 --> 00:19:41,934 with or the most layers 539 00:19:42,234 --> 00:19:44,255 ultimately ended up some of my favorites. 540 00:19:44,875 --> 00:19:47,755 Or a really great funny lesson was I 541 00:19:47,755 --> 00:19:49,054 was filming some professional 542 00:19:49,355 --> 00:19:49,855 commercials 543 00:19:50,234 --> 00:19:52,654 for, for promotion of my upcoming exhibit. 544 00:19:53,049 --> 00:19:54,650 And I had the film crew coming to 545 00:19:54,650 --> 00:19:56,890 my art studio the next day, and I 546 00:19:56,890 --> 00:19:59,450 had spent the whole day rather than painting, 547 00:19:59,450 --> 00:20:01,289 I spent the whole day cleaning the art 548 00:20:01,289 --> 00:20:03,609 studio and picking it up and staging it. 549 00:20:03,609 --> 00:20:04,670 And around midnight, 550 00:20:05,184 --> 00:20:07,045 I stop and I look in the mirror 551 00:20:07,424 --> 00:20:09,184 and I'm like, what am I doing right 552 00:20:09,184 --> 00:20:09,684 now? 553 00:20:10,144 --> 00:20:12,565 What am I staging? For who? 554 00:20:13,424 --> 00:20:15,585 The whole point is people wanna see my 555 00:20:15,585 --> 00:20:17,609 authentic art studio where I have 556 00:20:18,009 --> 00:20:22,269 multiple used mugs and trash and candy wrappers. 557 00:20:22,809 --> 00:20:23,309 And, 558 00:20:23,690 --> 00:20:25,869 you know, things are kind of in disarray 559 00:20:26,170 --> 00:20:28,329 because that's how I work. There's a pile 560 00:20:28,329 --> 00:20:30,569 of latex gloves with paint on them. That's 561 00:20:30,569 --> 00:20:31,470 who I am. 562 00:20:31,929 --> 00:20:32,429 So, 563 00:20:32,785 --> 00:20:34,625 you know, that was a profound and wonderful 564 00:20:34,625 --> 00:20:37,765 lesson that all of my life, it's like, 565 00:20:37,825 --> 00:20:39,845 what am I staging for? For who? 566 00:20:40,384 --> 00:20:43,664 Like, that's actual meaning of authenticity is living 567 00:20:43,664 --> 00:20:44,565 who I am 568 00:20:45,179 --> 00:20:47,819 and not staging anything for anyone else. And 569 00:20:47,819 --> 00:20:50,399 the world actually wants the authentic. 570 00:20:51,019 --> 00:20:53,759 From Hoffman onward, I actually listened 571 00:20:54,619 --> 00:20:55,119 to 572 00:20:55,659 --> 00:20:58,079 the lessons that I got from each painting. 573 00:20:59,105 --> 00:20:59,605 And 574 00:20:59,904 --> 00:21:00,884 a lot of it 575 00:21:01,184 --> 00:21:04,065 was that without the mistake, you know, I'm 576 00:21:04,065 --> 00:21:05,924 putting in quotation marks mistakes, 577 00:21:06,465 --> 00:21:08,164 I wouldn't have this ultimate 578 00:21:08,625 --> 00:21:09,924 beauty of the piece. 579 00:21:10,545 --> 00:21:12,384 I used to have guilt or shame around 580 00:21:12,384 --> 00:21:15,250 the fact that I have learned so much 581 00:21:15,250 --> 00:21:17,109 and maybe I didn't have it before, 582 00:21:17,650 --> 00:21:19,890 but I think that that's the point. The 583 00:21:19,890 --> 00:21:20,710 point is 584 00:21:21,170 --> 00:21:23,269 to choose to learn and grow 585 00:21:23,650 --> 00:21:24,549 in your lifetime. 586 00:21:25,855 --> 00:21:28,095 If I had continued on the path that 587 00:21:28,095 --> 00:21:28,914 I was on, 588 00:21:29,855 --> 00:21:31,855 that would be the failure. That would be 589 00:21:31,855 --> 00:21:33,714 the pain is that I 590 00:21:34,335 --> 00:21:36,514 chose not to grow, but I did. 591 00:21:36,815 --> 00:21:39,794 And so that's add it's it's really admirable. 592 00:21:40,014 --> 00:21:41,075 There's no shame, 593 00:21:41,569 --> 00:21:43,970 And I don't have shame over the paintings 594 00:21:43,970 --> 00:21:46,130 and the many layers they have there. They're 595 00:21:46,130 --> 00:21:47,109 not wrong colors. 596 00:21:47,569 --> 00:21:49,329 And that's really allowed me to sort of 597 00:21:49,329 --> 00:21:51,670 accept my own flaws or growth. 598 00:21:52,450 --> 00:21:54,049 It all had to be there for me 599 00:21:54,049 --> 00:21:56,835 to be this person moving forward, and I'm 600 00:21:56,835 --> 00:21:59,475 very proud of that. I am very proud 601 00:21:59,475 --> 00:22:01,795 of myself. I'm proud of going through this 602 00:22:01,795 --> 00:22:03,955 past year in my life. It breaks the 603 00:22:03,955 --> 00:22:05,095 myth of perfection 604 00:22:05,715 --> 00:22:06,535 to recognize 605 00:22:06,835 --> 00:22:08,450 that you've had an evolution 606 00:22:08,750 --> 00:22:11,150 and that the painting wouldn't be what it 607 00:22:11,150 --> 00:22:14,909 was without those past layers or those past 608 00:22:14,909 --> 00:22:15,409 attempts, 609 00:22:16,109 --> 00:22:16,849 the choice 610 00:22:17,150 --> 00:22:17,890 to grow. 611 00:22:18,990 --> 00:22:19,730 I think 612 00:22:20,029 --> 00:22:23,585 grads leave the process wondering if the change 613 00:22:23,585 --> 00:22:25,445 they've experienced will last. 614 00:22:25,904 --> 00:22:28,384 Can you speak to how that's been for 615 00:22:28,384 --> 00:22:29,684 you post process? 616 00:22:30,785 --> 00:22:34,005 I have done other life type courses before, 617 00:22:34,880 --> 00:22:36,559 and what I would learn in them, I 618 00:22:36,559 --> 00:22:37,619 understood intellectually, 619 00:22:38,559 --> 00:22:40,420 but that only lives 620 00:22:40,720 --> 00:22:41,619 in the brain. 621 00:22:42,080 --> 00:22:42,580 And, 622 00:22:43,360 --> 00:22:45,440 you know, it only lasts for so long, 623 00:22:45,440 --> 00:22:48,980 truly. But what I gained at the process 624 00:22:49,565 --> 00:22:50,625 is like embodied. 625 00:22:51,005 --> 00:22:52,224 It wasn't intellectualized. 626 00:22:52,605 --> 00:22:53,265 It was 627 00:22:53,644 --> 00:22:55,505 integrated into me fully. 628 00:22:56,045 --> 00:22:59,505 My body, my emotions, my intellect, my spiritual 629 00:22:59,565 --> 00:23:00,065 self. 630 00:23:00,365 --> 00:23:02,944 And so it's not something I can forget. 631 00:23:03,519 --> 00:23:05,679 It's something that's embodied, and it's the way 632 00:23:05,679 --> 00:23:06,339 I live. 633 00:23:06,880 --> 00:23:08,900 My husband would say it 634 00:23:09,279 --> 00:23:12,079 regularly, you know, as I moved further and 635 00:23:12,079 --> 00:23:14,259 further away from completing the process, 636 00:23:14,799 --> 00:23:16,974 he would just say to people, like, it's 637 00:23:16,974 --> 00:23:19,794 amazing. It's just been incredible to observe 638 00:23:20,255 --> 00:23:22,355 how positive this has been for her. 639 00:23:22,974 --> 00:23:25,394 I want whatever she did because 640 00:23:26,095 --> 00:23:28,894 she's living in this way now, and it's 641 00:23:28,894 --> 00:23:31,134 powerful, and it's been powerful for our whole 642 00:23:31,134 --> 00:23:31,634 family. 643 00:23:32,250 --> 00:23:33,630 I love how your 644 00:23:34,009 --> 00:23:36,190 body has been your guide. 645 00:23:36,570 --> 00:23:39,369 We speak about on that first day, you 646 00:23:39,369 --> 00:23:41,150 don't have to have a lot of explicit 647 00:23:41,289 --> 00:23:43,549 memories from childhood, but your body 648 00:23:43,930 --> 00:23:45,869 remembers. It has stored 649 00:23:46,174 --> 00:23:47,554 some of what you've learned, 650 00:23:47,934 --> 00:23:49,234 and it's the path 651 00:23:49,775 --> 00:23:50,835 toward healing. 652 00:23:51,454 --> 00:23:51,954 Well, 653 00:23:52,414 --> 00:23:54,115 it was amazing to me 654 00:23:54,974 --> 00:23:56,194 how many people 655 00:23:56,494 --> 00:23:57,954 told me I look different. 656 00:23:58,890 --> 00:23:59,869 Several children, 657 00:24:00,330 --> 00:24:03,549 you know, because children are naturally more intuitive, 658 00:24:04,170 --> 00:24:06,750 and I think they feel the change on 659 00:24:07,049 --> 00:24:08,190 a different level. 660 00:24:09,049 --> 00:24:11,049 But to have people tell me that I 661 00:24:11,049 --> 00:24:13,710 look different and I'm like, I know. Right? 662 00:24:13,984 --> 00:24:16,325 It's really funny. One of my girlfriends complimented 663 00:24:16,465 --> 00:24:18,305 me and was like, what did you do 664 00:24:18,305 --> 00:24:20,644 to your skin? You have that extra glow. 665 00:24:20,705 --> 00:24:22,945 And I'm like, it's Hoffman. She's like, yeah, 666 00:24:22,945 --> 00:24:24,965 I was hoping it'd be something easier. 667 00:24:25,505 --> 00:24:27,045 They're like, it's light, baby. 668 00:24:27,585 --> 00:24:30,519 Light. It's my light. So we laugh about 669 00:24:30,519 --> 00:24:32,059 that. It's called Soulshine. 670 00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:36,299 As you've distilled 671 00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:39,240 all of what's happened for you, in some 672 00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:40,920 way, it's been expressed in your art, but 673 00:24:40,920 --> 00:24:41,820 you've also 674 00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:43,820 spoken about it beautifully. 675 00:24:44,444 --> 00:24:46,845 What else would you like to share that 676 00:24:46,845 --> 00:24:47,904 you haven't already? 677 00:24:48,605 --> 00:24:50,765 I think what I used to search for 678 00:24:50,765 --> 00:24:51,265 outwardly 679 00:24:53,005 --> 00:24:53,744 was actually 680 00:24:55,005 --> 00:24:55,904 within me. 681 00:24:56,365 --> 00:24:58,444 And when I stopped performing for the world 682 00:24:58,444 --> 00:25:01,009 and I learned to trust my own light, 683 00:25:01,009 --> 00:25:01,990 my own power, 684 00:25:02,369 --> 00:25:03,750 my own knowing, 685 00:25:04,609 --> 00:25:07,269 my life changed, my art changed, and 686 00:25:08,210 --> 00:25:09,509 I feel very connected. 687 00:25:10,369 --> 00:25:12,950 Feel very connected to all of it now. 688 00:25:13,674 --> 00:25:16,154 Yeah. And it's not outside of me. It's 689 00:25:16,154 --> 00:25:16,654 inside. 690 00:25:17,434 --> 00:25:18,414 What a gift 691 00:25:18,795 --> 00:25:21,195 for you to hold in your heart. What 692 00:25:21,195 --> 00:25:24,174 a gift for your children, for your husband. 693 00:25:24,875 --> 00:25:27,630 What's next? What's next for you? I have 694 00:25:27,630 --> 00:25:30,750 big artistic plans, and most importantly, I'm going 695 00:25:30,750 --> 00:25:32,509 to do work that I love, and that 696 00:25:32,509 --> 00:25:33,890 feels good in my body. 697 00:25:34,589 --> 00:25:36,670 Thank you so much for being here. You 698 00:25:36,670 --> 00:25:37,410 are sharing 699 00:25:37,789 --> 00:25:38,289 something 700 00:25:38,670 --> 00:25:39,730 that is meaningful 701 00:25:40,509 --> 00:25:41,650 way beyond 702 00:25:42,109 --> 00:25:44,525 just you. It's such a like you said, 703 00:25:44,525 --> 00:25:45,345 an illustration 704 00:25:46,684 --> 00:25:49,184 for others to see and be inspired by, 705 00:25:49,325 --> 00:25:51,184 and I'm grateful for you. 706 00:25:51,565 --> 00:25:52,384 Thank you. 707 00:25:52,684 --> 00:25:55,085 The filmographer that I worked with to film 708 00:25:55,085 --> 00:25:55,825 these commercials, 709 00:25:56,210 --> 00:25:58,049 he was inspired. He wants to do like 710 00:25:58,049 --> 00:26:00,289 a documentary about this, and I'm like, let's 711 00:26:00,289 --> 00:26:01,670 do it. Let's do it. 712 00:26:02,130 --> 00:26:03,490 You know, if I were gonna sum up 713 00:26:03,490 --> 00:26:06,529 what you've just shared, it's you surrendering to 714 00:26:06,529 --> 00:26:08,950 the unknown and letting it create 715 00:26:09,410 --> 00:26:11,589 for you art and 716 00:26:12,045 --> 00:26:14,865 the courage that it's taken to say yes. 717 00:26:15,325 --> 00:26:17,345 I am so honored, and I'm so grateful. 718 00:26:17,404 --> 00:26:19,424 I'm so inspired to have had this conversation 719 00:26:19,565 --> 00:26:22,525 with you. Thank you. And this beautiful beam 720 00:26:22,525 --> 00:26:25,440 of light that's behind my head is just 721 00:26:25,519 --> 00:26:26,659 they're not coincidences. 722 00:26:27,519 --> 00:26:28,019 They're 723 00:26:28,559 --> 00:26:31,619 sprinkles of reminders. They're like a little joke. 724 00:26:32,640 --> 00:26:33,380 Thank you. 725 00:26:43,605 --> 00:26:45,865 Thank you for listening to the Hoffman podcast. 726 00:26:46,244 --> 00:26:48,404 My name is Matt Brannigan. I'm the CEO 727 00:26:48,404 --> 00:26:50,105 of the Hoffman Institute Foundation 728 00:26:50,404 --> 00:26:52,644 and a Hoffman teacher. Our mission is to 729 00:26:52,644 --> 00:26:55,285 provide greater access to the wisdom and power 730 00:26:55,285 --> 00:26:58,140 of love within ourselves, in our relationships, 731 00:26:58,600 --> 00:27:01,000 and in the world. To learn more or 732 00:27:01,000 --> 00:27:03,000 to support our mission, we invite you to 733 00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:05,580 visit hoffmaninstitute.org.