1 00:00:01,120 --> 00:00:04,240 Finding that moment where you're in it and 2 00:00:04,240 --> 00:00:05,779 you're closing your eyes 3 00:00:06,160 --> 00:00:08,320 and you can hear the songs, you can 4 00:00:08,320 --> 00:00:09,300 hear the prayers, 5 00:00:09,839 --> 00:00:12,240 and then you start to connect. You start 6 00:00:12,240 --> 00:00:14,580 to remember. You start to heal. 7 00:00:14,964 --> 00:00:16,885 And then when the flaps of that sweat 8 00:00:16,885 --> 00:00:17,704 lodge open, 9 00:00:18,085 --> 00:00:19,785 you crawl out on your knees. 10 00:00:20,405 --> 00:00:22,265 And when you come out into the light, 11 00:00:22,804 --> 00:00:24,565 you feel like you're born again into the 12 00:00:24,565 --> 00:00:25,065 world. 13 00:00:25,685 --> 00:00:26,585 That was 14 00:00:27,045 --> 00:00:28,664 the experience of my process. 15 00:00:30,160 --> 00:00:33,119 Hello, and welcome to Love's Everyday Radius, a 16 00:00:33,119 --> 00:00:35,859 podcast brought to you by the Hoffman Institute. 17 00:00:36,079 --> 00:00:37,920 My name is Sadie Hanna, and in this 18 00:00:37,920 --> 00:00:41,219 podcast, you'll hear real conversations and stories 19 00:00:41,534 --> 00:00:44,655 with graduates about their courageous journey inward and 20 00:00:44,655 --> 00:00:47,375 how their love and light are living in 21 00:00:47,375 --> 00:00:50,195 the world around them. Love's everyday radius. 22 00:00:50,574 --> 00:00:52,195 Thank you for being here and welcome. 23 00:00:56,630 --> 00:00:59,770 Hey everyone, and welcome to the Hoffman podcast. 24 00:00:59,989 --> 00:01:02,710 I'm Sadie and I am a Hoffman teacher 25 00:01:02,710 --> 00:01:05,030 and your host. And I am here with 26 00:01:05,030 --> 00:01:07,849 Jessica Harjo. Hello, Jessica. Welcome. 27 00:01:08,229 --> 00:01:09,049 Hi, Sadie. 28 00:01:09,635 --> 00:01:12,034 So honored to be here. Thank you for 29 00:01:12,034 --> 00:01:13,635 being here. So let me tell you all 30 00:01:13,635 --> 00:01:15,094 a little bit about Jessica. 31 00:01:16,034 --> 00:01:18,295 And the thing I love most 32 00:01:18,915 --> 00:01:22,034 about what you sent over, like, the first 33 00:01:22,034 --> 00:01:23,814 line is you're a soul 34 00:01:24,709 --> 00:01:25,849 and a human 35 00:01:26,310 --> 00:01:27,290 and a learner 36 00:01:27,909 --> 00:01:28,890 and a mother. 37 00:01:29,750 --> 00:01:32,310 You've also done some amazing things in terms 38 00:01:32,310 --> 00:01:35,430 of your professional life, director of operations for 39 00:01:35,430 --> 00:01:37,129 the Tribal Law and Policy 40 00:01:37,430 --> 00:01:37,930 Institute 41 00:01:38,875 --> 00:01:39,935 for many years, 42 00:01:40,875 --> 00:01:42,974 volunteering on multiple boards, 43 00:01:43,354 --> 00:01:45,054 working with indigenous populations. 44 00:01:46,314 --> 00:01:47,134 You have 45 00:01:47,515 --> 00:01:49,935 an educational background that includes 46 00:01:50,554 --> 00:01:52,894 film and media, social justice, 47 00:01:54,480 --> 00:01:55,620 Master's in Business 48 00:01:56,159 --> 00:01:57,620 from Mount Saint Mary's, 49 00:01:58,400 --> 00:01:59,939 the only women's university 50 00:02:00,560 --> 00:02:01,299 in LA. 51 00:02:02,239 --> 00:02:06,340 You also are directly involved with the Hoffman 52 00:02:06,479 --> 00:02:08,819 Inner Work for Indigenous Leaders Advisory 53 00:02:09,199 --> 00:02:09,699 Circle. 54 00:02:10,534 --> 00:02:11,915 There's so many 55 00:02:12,455 --> 00:02:14,075 places that we could begin. 56 00:02:14,935 --> 00:02:17,014 Maybe we begin with what is the inner 57 00:02:17,014 --> 00:02:19,974 work for indigenous leaders advisory circle. Let's start 58 00:02:19,974 --> 00:02:22,055 with that because I think lots of people 59 00:02:22,055 --> 00:02:24,875 might have no idea what that is. 60 00:02:25,500 --> 00:02:27,120 Yes. So, thankfully, 61 00:02:28,060 --> 00:02:30,560 my husband had done the process back in 62 00:02:30,620 --> 00:02:31,680 2006. 63 00:02:32,540 --> 00:02:33,840 And him and Raz, 64 00:02:35,099 --> 00:02:36,639 they came together, 65 00:02:37,099 --> 00:02:37,599 and 66 00:02:39,435 --> 00:02:41,375 they dreamt up an indigenous 67 00:02:42,074 --> 00:02:43,775 killing initiative at Hoffman 68 00:02:44,155 --> 00:02:46,655 called the inner work for indigenous leaders. 69 00:02:47,354 --> 00:02:48,814 The aim is to really acknowledge 70 00:02:49,754 --> 00:02:50,895 the past harm 71 00:02:51,610 --> 00:02:53,950 inflicted on indigenous peoples and 72 00:02:54,330 --> 00:02:56,030 the deep ancestral wounds 73 00:02:56,730 --> 00:02:59,310 that need to be healed for all people. 74 00:03:00,490 --> 00:03:01,230 And so 75 00:03:01,930 --> 00:03:04,110 through this fellowship program, 76 00:03:04,810 --> 00:03:06,030 I have the privilege 77 00:03:07,014 --> 00:03:08,074 of doing the process 78 00:03:08,455 --> 00:03:09,584 in July 79 00:03:09,584 --> 00:03:10,394 2022. 80 00:03:11,014 --> 00:03:14,555 And since then, we're almost at 20 indigenous 81 00:03:14,614 --> 00:03:15,114 fellows, 82 00:03:15,894 --> 00:03:18,775 and it has just sparked a light in 83 00:03:18,775 --> 00:03:21,275 indigenous communities all across the country. 84 00:03:21,800 --> 00:03:23,419 So I'm just so honored 85 00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:24,780 to be part 86 00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:28,860 of this program at Hoffman and, 87 00:03:29,879 --> 00:03:30,860 so much gratitude 88 00:03:31,319 --> 00:03:33,479 for for RAS and the Hoffman Institute and 89 00:03:33,479 --> 00:03:34,540 everybody involved 90 00:03:35,224 --> 00:03:37,164 for taking a risk and really 91 00:03:37,784 --> 00:03:39,084 acknowledging the importance 92 00:03:39,784 --> 00:03:41,004 of this healing work. 93 00:03:41,384 --> 00:03:43,245 Really, this idea of 94 00:03:43,784 --> 00:03:44,284 ancestral 95 00:03:44,664 --> 00:03:45,164 hurt 96 00:03:45,784 --> 00:03:47,164 that is passed along 97 00:03:47,569 --> 00:03:49,830 as part of the human condition, but particularly 98 00:03:50,210 --> 00:03:51,270 in this case, 99 00:03:51,810 --> 00:03:52,310 acknowledging 100 00:03:53,250 --> 00:03:55,830 that there's real healing that needs to happen. 101 00:03:56,610 --> 00:03:59,669 And it sounds like through this program, 102 00:04:00,210 --> 00:04:01,189 there's a pathway 103 00:04:01,685 --> 00:04:04,564 for indigenous leaders who they themselves have quite 104 00:04:04,564 --> 00:04:05,224 a ripple. 105 00:04:06,245 --> 00:04:08,965 Let's speak a bit more about you because 106 00:04:08,965 --> 00:04:11,384 I'd really love to get to know you 107 00:04:11,444 --> 00:04:13,144 and your personal journey. 108 00:04:14,180 --> 00:04:16,419 This is so much fun. I'm I'm so 109 00:04:16,419 --> 00:04:18,579 excited. Like my feelings right now, I'm just 110 00:04:18,579 --> 00:04:19,399 like bubbling 111 00:04:20,019 --> 00:04:22,899 and I'm just I'm so thankful to you 112 00:04:22,899 --> 00:04:26,019 and Drew for this opportunity to actually have 113 00:04:26,019 --> 00:04:27,779 a voice and to share my story and 114 00:04:27,779 --> 00:04:28,519 my experience. 115 00:04:29,485 --> 00:04:31,664 I think up until my thirties, 116 00:04:32,764 --> 00:04:34,064 I was feeling golden. 117 00:04:34,604 --> 00:04:37,345 I grew up in a loving family. 118 00:04:37,805 --> 00:04:40,604 I had the privilege of being raised by 119 00:04:40,604 --> 00:04:41,745 both of my parents. 120 00:04:42,169 --> 00:04:44,250 I grew up in the Bay Area, so 121 00:04:44,250 --> 00:04:46,430 there was diversity all around me. 122 00:04:46,730 --> 00:04:48,889 I got to travel all across The US 123 00:04:48,889 --> 00:04:50,910 and the world as a dancer and performer. 124 00:04:51,930 --> 00:04:54,009 I was living in LA and met the 125 00:04:54,009 --> 00:04:56,410 love of my life, my husband, Tim, and 126 00:04:56,410 --> 00:04:59,605 hey, life was good. I was coasting along 127 00:04:59,665 --> 00:05:01,685 in what I call my ignorant bliss. 128 00:05:04,384 --> 00:05:05,045 And then 129 00:05:06,144 --> 00:05:07,205 motherhood hit, 130 00:05:07,584 --> 00:05:09,365 being a wife hit, 131 00:05:09,665 --> 00:05:12,964 the weight of that full time career and 132 00:05:13,560 --> 00:05:14,300 the responsibilities, 133 00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:16,600 the pressure. I mean, I was in LA, 134 00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:18,680 I was commuting two hours one way, two 135 00:05:18,680 --> 00:05:19,580 hours back, 136 00:05:20,520 --> 00:05:23,580 and I couldn't just worry about myself. 137 00:05:24,439 --> 00:05:26,379 I had children counting on me. 138 00:05:27,154 --> 00:05:29,414 So, you know, I dug in deep. 139 00:05:30,514 --> 00:05:31,334 My my intellect 140 00:05:31,794 --> 00:05:33,014 took over and 141 00:05:34,115 --> 00:05:38,035 I went into full blown caregiving mode and 142 00:05:38,035 --> 00:05:39,814 put myself on autopilot. 143 00:05:40,675 --> 00:05:41,175 And 144 00:05:42,259 --> 00:05:45,060 this is what I felt like for over 145 00:05:45,060 --> 00:05:45,639 a decade. 146 00:05:46,180 --> 00:05:49,560 And yes, while I'm very proud of myself 147 00:05:49,779 --> 00:05:52,180 for the different things that I was able 148 00:05:52,180 --> 00:05:54,500 to achieve in these different labels I was 149 00:05:54,500 --> 00:05:55,560 able to earn, 150 00:05:56,284 --> 00:05:58,284 I got to the point in my life 151 00:05:58,284 --> 00:05:59,745 where I couldn't remember 152 00:06:01,084 --> 00:06:03,024 things that happened in my life. 153 00:06:04,204 --> 00:06:06,685 And my husband actually pointed this out to 154 00:06:06,685 --> 00:06:08,144 me one day and was like, 155 00:06:08,550 --> 00:06:11,129 you know, I've told you so many stories 156 00:06:11,269 --> 00:06:12,250 about my life, 157 00:06:13,029 --> 00:06:14,970 but you've shared very little 158 00:06:15,750 --> 00:06:17,290 about your past. 159 00:06:18,870 --> 00:06:21,209 And I sort of looked at him blankly 160 00:06:22,235 --> 00:06:24,175 and realized that I 161 00:06:24,555 --> 00:06:25,855 had almost completely 162 00:06:26,314 --> 00:06:27,855 shut off my past self. 163 00:06:28,795 --> 00:06:30,095 And even my ambitions 164 00:06:30,395 --> 00:06:32,014 and the visions for myself 165 00:06:32,555 --> 00:06:34,254 have been to that point and 166 00:06:35,199 --> 00:06:35,699 I'd 167 00:06:37,279 --> 00:06:39,379 really come to the point in my 168 00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:42,720 early 40s where I didn't recognize myself in 169 00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:43,300 the mirror. 170 00:06:43,680 --> 00:06:45,139 I had stopped dancing. 171 00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:47,220 I was ashamed 172 00:06:47,520 --> 00:06:49,379 for letting myself go. 173 00:06:50,794 --> 00:06:51,294 And 174 00:06:51,834 --> 00:06:53,694 then comes my third child, 175 00:06:55,194 --> 00:06:58,175 and she's a fireside and incredibly intense, 176 00:06:58,954 --> 00:07:01,274 and she's so cute. So it makes it 177 00:07:01,274 --> 00:07:02,735 real hard sometimes. But, 178 00:07:03,514 --> 00:07:04,654 you know, her 179 00:07:05,509 --> 00:07:06,569 emotional dysregulation 180 00:07:07,110 --> 00:07:10,149 would just like explode my nervous system and 181 00:07:10,149 --> 00:07:12,569 bring out this temper in me and 182 00:07:13,110 --> 00:07:15,610 patterns that I was not proud of. 183 00:07:16,629 --> 00:07:19,430 And as I mentioned earlier, my husband thankfully 184 00:07:19,430 --> 00:07:21,935 had done the process back in 2006. 185 00:07:21,935 --> 00:07:22,435 And 186 00:07:23,055 --> 00:07:25,375 up until that point, he was like, you're 187 00:07:25,375 --> 00:07:26,354 the one person 188 00:07:26,735 --> 00:07:28,654 that I've ever met that I don't think 189 00:07:28,654 --> 00:07:31,134 you actually need the Hoffman process. Like you 190 00:07:31,134 --> 00:07:32,754 have a loving family, like 191 00:07:33,055 --> 00:07:33,954 you don't need this. 192 00:07:34,879 --> 00:07:36,019 No, something 193 00:07:36,639 --> 00:07:39,039 cracked in me and I was so desperate 194 00:07:39,039 --> 00:07:39,860 for change. 195 00:07:40,879 --> 00:07:41,379 And 196 00:07:41,839 --> 00:07:43,779 this is when the inner work for indigenous 197 00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:47,599 leaders program had just launched and I was 198 00:07:47,599 --> 00:07:49,860 like, Oh my God, please sign me up. 199 00:07:50,175 --> 00:07:52,814 I really need help. I need help getting 200 00:07:52,814 --> 00:07:55,235 unstuck. I need help to learn 201 00:07:55,855 --> 00:07:57,154 how to be a parent. 202 00:07:58,334 --> 00:08:00,035 That's sort of the quick 203 00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:04,115 storyline for what brought me to the Hoffman 204 00:08:04,175 --> 00:08:04,675 process. 205 00:08:05,290 --> 00:08:07,870 So you learned about it originally through him, 206 00:08:07,930 --> 00:08:10,430 but it sounds like the process of 207 00:08:10,730 --> 00:08:14,089 feeling the weight of motherhood and your career, 208 00:08:14,089 --> 00:08:16,410 and maybe even a bit of loss of 209 00:08:16,410 --> 00:08:17,470 who you are 210 00:08:17,850 --> 00:08:19,149 really brought you there. 211 00:08:19,615 --> 00:08:21,694 And what you just described really sounds kind 212 00:08:21,694 --> 00:08:23,875 of like a slow moving 213 00:08:24,495 --> 00:08:27,235 into certain roles, expectations, responsibilities, 214 00:08:28,254 --> 00:08:30,175 and one day waking up and realizing I 215 00:08:30,175 --> 00:08:30,995 don't remember. 216 00:08:31,935 --> 00:08:32,995 I don't remember. 217 00:08:34,110 --> 00:08:35,950 What was that like for you? That moment 218 00:08:35,950 --> 00:08:36,769 of realizing 219 00:08:37,710 --> 00:08:39,889 how far away you had had gone? 220 00:08:40,509 --> 00:08:41,809 I would sit there 221 00:08:42,350 --> 00:08:44,129 almost in a state of amnesia. 222 00:08:44,669 --> 00:08:46,830 I would try so hard to think back, 223 00:08:46,830 --> 00:08:49,934 like, what was it like to be on 224 00:08:49,934 --> 00:08:52,334 tour with a Broadway show? Like, I couldn't 225 00:08:52,334 --> 00:08:54,434 even remember all those years. 226 00:08:54,975 --> 00:08:56,595 It was locked away somewhere. 227 00:08:57,294 --> 00:09:00,674 Thanks for reminding me about this Sadie, because 228 00:09:02,559 --> 00:09:03,299 I purposefully 229 00:09:04,080 --> 00:09:06,960 will put that I am a soul and 230 00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:08,100 a spirit first 231 00:09:08,639 --> 00:09:09,940 and a human being 232 00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:12,960 before my work, because that was something that 233 00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:13,620 I definitely 234 00:09:15,039 --> 00:09:15,539 reclaimed 235 00:09:15,840 --> 00:09:16,740 with the process 236 00:09:17,894 --> 00:09:19,115 is the right order. 237 00:09:19,574 --> 00:09:21,254 And you're gonna have to help me with 238 00:09:21,254 --> 00:09:23,735 this expression, but it's, you know, there was 239 00:09:23,735 --> 00:09:26,875 the be, do you have? It's this interesting 240 00:09:27,254 --> 00:09:29,174 way that we move about the world, which 241 00:09:29,174 --> 00:09:30,855 is the belief that we have to do 242 00:09:30,855 --> 00:09:31,355 things 243 00:09:33,029 --> 00:09:36,330 through worthiness or love or connection or success. 244 00:09:37,350 --> 00:09:38,889 So what did you learn differently 245 00:09:39,509 --> 00:09:42,070 in that? Well, with this whole story up 246 00:09:42,070 --> 00:09:44,889 until the process, it was absolutely in reverse. 247 00:09:45,190 --> 00:09:47,290 I was doing and doing and doing, 248 00:09:47,644 --> 00:09:49,504 and then hoping that I'd have, 249 00:09:50,125 --> 00:09:50,865 and then 250 00:09:51,325 --> 00:09:53,585 somewhere along the lines I was being. 251 00:09:55,085 --> 00:09:56,705 And post process 252 00:09:57,085 --> 00:09:59,825 for me, it's so important to remind myself 253 00:09:59,884 --> 00:10:00,625 every day 254 00:10:01,004 --> 00:10:01,745 to be 255 00:10:02,350 --> 00:10:04,370 and to anchor in my spirit, 256 00:10:05,149 --> 00:10:06,610 anchor in who I am, 257 00:10:07,549 --> 00:10:08,610 ground myself. 258 00:10:10,190 --> 00:10:12,990 And I'm really at this incredible place of 259 00:10:12,990 --> 00:10:13,490 visioning 260 00:10:14,350 --> 00:10:14,850 where 261 00:10:15,464 --> 00:10:17,644 I want to be spirit and aligned 262 00:10:18,024 --> 00:10:19,964 with what I'm doing in my life. 263 00:10:20,424 --> 00:10:22,204 That's what's gonna guide me 264 00:10:22,904 --> 00:10:23,404 into 265 00:10:24,184 --> 00:10:25,404 the future. And 266 00:10:26,345 --> 00:10:28,444 it's such an incredible shift 267 00:10:29,409 --> 00:10:32,210 in just perspective and approach that is so 268 00:10:32,210 --> 00:10:32,710 powerful. 269 00:10:33,169 --> 00:10:35,090 I wonder if you'd be willing to speak 270 00:10:35,090 --> 00:10:37,669 a little bit more about this concept of 271 00:10:38,210 --> 00:10:38,710 spirit 272 00:10:39,330 --> 00:10:39,830 embodied. 273 00:10:40,529 --> 00:10:42,370 And I'd love to hear about it if 274 00:10:42,370 --> 00:10:43,110 you have 275 00:10:43,625 --> 00:10:45,644 something to share from your 276 00:10:46,345 --> 00:10:47,485 indigenous lens 277 00:10:47,865 --> 00:10:50,024 about what it means to be both of 278 00:10:50,024 --> 00:10:51,164 the spirit world 279 00:10:51,544 --> 00:10:52,044 and 280 00:10:52,745 --> 00:10:54,044 incredibly human, 281 00:10:54,504 --> 00:10:55,004 vulnerable 282 00:10:55,889 --> 00:10:57,110 at the same time. 283 00:10:57,730 --> 00:10:58,389 I reconnected 284 00:10:58,769 --> 00:11:00,930 with a dream that I had in my 285 00:11:00,930 --> 00:11:03,750 twenties to do my yoga teacher training. 286 00:11:04,370 --> 00:11:06,470 And for this whole time, 287 00:11:06,850 --> 00:11:08,850 I didn't do it. I neglected to do 288 00:11:08,850 --> 00:11:12,134 it. And when I reconnected with my 289 00:11:12,595 --> 00:11:15,075 spirit and the visioning for myself and being 290 00:11:15,075 --> 00:11:15,975 spirit aligned, 291 00:11:16,355 --> 00:11:18,355 that was something that just called out to 292 00:11:18,355 --> 00:11:19,554 me. You know what? You need to do 293 00:11:19,554 --> 00:11:21,634 this for yourself. This is what your spirit 294 00:11:21,634 --> 00:11:23,414 needs. This is what your body needs. 295 00:11:23,899 --> 00:11:26,460 And I said, heck yeah, I'm ready. I'm 296 00:11:26,460 --> 00:11:28,860 gonna do it. And so here I am 297 00:11:28,860 --> 00:11:31,019 almost three years later after the process and 298 00:11:31,019 --> 00:11:32,080 I'm now 299 00:11:32,700 --> 00:11:35,100 finding what that is and finding what that 300 00:11:35,100 --> 00:11:37,279 means to align with my spirit 301 00:11:37,944 --> 00:11:39,485 and do the things that 302 00:11:39,944 --> 00:11:40,444 nourish 303 00:11:41,384 --> 00:11:42,204 my being. 304 00:11:42,664 --> 00:11:44,284 And in learning about 305 00:11:44,745 --> 00:11:45,725 yoga philosophy, 306 00:11:46,105 --> 00:11:48,444 it was mind blowing to learn that 307 00:11:48,904 --> 00:11:51,404 the asanas that we know in Western yoga, 308 00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:53,164 the positions and the postures, 309 00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:54,940 like that's just one 310 00:11:55,399 --> 00:11:55,899 step. 311 00:11:57,000 --> 00:11:59,820 And what is really like eight different branches, 312 00:11:59,879 --> 00:12:01,019 eight different limbs 313 00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:03,180 of yoga and 314 00:12:03,639 --> 00:12:05,100 the asanas, the postures, 315 00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:07,180 it's all aimed 316 00:12:07,894 --> 00:12:09,754 to get us ready to sit 317 00:12:10,615 --> 00:12:11,915 so that we can finally 318 00:12:12,774 --> 00:12:15,195 meditate and finally be aligned. 319 00:12:16,054 --> 00:12:18,695 And this was really revolutionary for me and 320 00:12:18,695 --> 00:12:19,995 I bring this up because 321 00:12:20,695 --> 00:12:22,394 this deep, deep work 322 00:12:22,950 --> 00:12:23,450 that 323 00:12:23,830 --> 00:12:24,809 we've done 324 00:12:25,269 --> 00:12:26,889 through the Hoffman process, 325 00:12:27,830 --> 00:12:30,629 that's the asanas, that's the work that needs 326 00:12:30,629 --> 00:12:32,870 to be done so that we can find 327 00:12:32,870 --> 00:12:33,690 our spirit 328 00:12:34,389 --> 00:12:35,929 and really align ourselves 329 00:12:37,445 --> 00:12:38,264 and find 330 00:12:38,725 --> 00:12:39,225 the 331 00:12:39,684 --> 00:12:40,825 way to be 332 00:12:41,684 --> 00:12:42,904 do and have 333 00:12:43,445 --> 00:12:45,705 that's part of my journey. 334 00:12:46,325 --> 00:12:46,825 Home 335 00:12:47,285 --> 00:12:49,225 is discovering this for myself. 336 00:12:50,509 --> 00:12:52,370 That's beautifully said. 337 00:12:53,230 --> 00:12:54,129 And maybe 338 00:12:55,389 --> 00:12:59,409 somewhat revolutionary in the world of self help. 339 00:13:00,110 --> 00:13:02,590 Fix, fix, fix, do more, do more, learn 340 00:13:02,590 --> 00:13:07,115 more podcasts, podcasts, like books, books, workshops, workshops, 341 00:13:07,174 --> 00:13:08,475 workshops, and it's like, 342 00:13:09,174 --> 00:13:09,914 is actually 343 00:13:10,615 --> 00:13:12,714 on the other side of this deep work, 344 00:13:13,334 --> 00:13:14,074 the opportunity 345 00:13:14,534 --> 00:13:15,274 to simply 346 00:13:16,054 --> 00:13:16,554 sit 347 00:13:17,014 --> 00:13:18,954 and be and know 348 00:13:19,629 --> 00:13:21,250 that you're guided by that. 349 00:13:22,029 --> 00:13:22,929 And from there, 350 00:13:23,549 --> 00:13:24,529 come what may. 351 00:13:25,149 --> 00:13:27,409 Maybe you can take us to a moment 352 00:13:28,110 --> 00:13:30,129 where you felt this connection 353 00:13:30,669 --> 00:13:32,750 or that was a really relevant place for 354 00:13:32,750 --> 00:13:33,649 you in the process. 355 00:13:34,235 --> 00:13:36,875 So I did the process July 2022. So 356 00:13:36,875 --> 00:13:39,034 for me, it's like seems like a long 357 00:13:39,034 --> 00:13:39,774 time ago. 358 00:13:40,554 --> 00:13:42,634 And I really I had no idea what 359 00:13:42,634 --> 00:13:45,115 to expect. My husband told me very little 360 00:13:45,115 --> 00:13:45,929 about it. 361 00:13:46,330 --> 00:13:47,850 I remember the first couple of days I 362 00:13:47,850 --> 00:13:50,169 was cursing him out because I was like, 363 00:13:50,169 --> 00:13:52,730 okay, I had no idea I was going 364 00:13:52,730 --> 00:13:55,289 to dive in this deep. And it was 365 00:13:55,289 --> 00:13:56,509 the best gift 366 00:13:57,210 --> 00:13:59,870 I've ever received or done for myself. 367 00:14:00,674 --> 00:14:01,975 And I'm trying to 368 00:14:02,674 --> 00:14:04,294 find a way to 369 00:14:05,554 --> 00:14:06,054 communicate 370 00:14:07,394 --> 00:14:10,054 what my experience was from like an indigenous 371 00:14:10,195 --> 00:14:11,495 perspective. So 372 00:14:12,035 --> 00:14:13,014 I grew up 373 00:14:13,679 --> 00:14:15,779 going to indigenous ceremonies and 374 00:14:16,720 --> 00:14:18,179 my process experience 375 00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:20,820 was absolutely ceremony. 376 00:14:21,600 --> 00:14:22,340 It was 377 00:14:22,960 --> 00:14:23,940 akin to 378 00:14:25,040 --> 00:14:26,259 a sweat lodge ceremony, 379 00:14:27,144 --> 00:14:29,404 feeling like I'm going into this lodge, 380 00:14:30,184 --> 00:14:33,304 feeling the heat turned all the way up 381 00:14:33,304 --> 00:14:35,144 to the point where you just you wanna 382 00:14:35,144 --> 00:14:35,804 give up. 383 00:14:36,264 --> 00:14:37,004 And then 384 00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:40,664 finding that moment where you're in it, and 385 00:14:40,664 --> 00:14:42,204 you're closing your eyes, 386 00:14:43,240 --> 00:14:45,399 and you can hear the songs, you can 387 00:14:45,399 --> 00:14:46,300 hear the prayers, 388 00:14:47,160 --> 00:14:49,559 and then you start to connect, you start 389 00:14:49,559 --> 00:14:51,899 to remember, you start to heal. 390 00:14:52,920 --> 00:14:54,759 And then when the flaps of that sweat 391 00:14:54,759 --> 00:14:55,660 lodge open, 392 00:14:56,384 --> 00:14:58,004 you crawl out on your knees. 393 00:14:58,705 --> 00:15:00,565 And when you come out into the light, 394 00:15:01,024 --> 00:15:02,785 you feel like you're born again into the 395 00:15:02,785 --> 00:15:03,285 world. 396 00:15:04,144 --> 00:15:05,125 That was 397 00:15:05,585 --> 00:15:07,205 the experience of my process. 398 00:15:07,904 --> 00:15:10,384 It reconnected me to my spirit in that 399 00:15:10,384 --> 00:15:13,730 way, it lit my inner fire, it invigorated 400 00:15:13,870 --> 00:15:14,370 me, 401 00:15:14,830 --> 00:15:16,210 it gave me that hope 402 00:15:16,590 --> 00:15:18,210 back in human beings 403 00:15:18,990 --> 00:15:21,409 that I still desperately needed at that time. 404 00:15:22,029 --> 00:15:23,490 And it gave me consciousness, 405 00:15:25,024 --> 00:15:25,524 awareness 406 00:15:26,465 --> 00:15:28,805 to carry this work forward in my life 407 00:15:29,425 --> 00:15:30,965 so that I can, again, 408 00:15:31,504 --> 00:15:33,745 be, do, have, so I could come back 409 00:15:33,745 --> 00:15:35,504 to myself so I could come back to 410 00:15:35,504 --> 00:15:36,004 home. 411 00:15:36,384 --> 00:15:38,879 I can only describe the process in poetry 412 00:15:39,100 --> 00:15:42,320 because that's spiritual for me, but I hope 413 00:15:42,379 --> 00:15:44,320 that conveys a little bit of 414 00:15:44,779 --> 00:15:46,639 my experience with the process. 415 00:15:47,419 --> 00:15:50,059 Did you have an experience of right when 416 00:15:50,059 --> 00:15:51,839 it felt like it was difficult, 417 00:15:52,214 --> 00:15:54,954 you called upon some focus 418 00:15:55,815 --> 00:15:56,794 or tenacity. 419 00:15:57,975 --> 00:16:00,375 Absolutely. I mean, I remember the first couple 420 00:16:00,375 --> 00:16:01,995 of days, like walking into 421 00:16:02,615 --> 00:16:04,375 the room and looking around and you kind 422 00:16:04,375 --> 00:16:06,054 of see the tissue boxes on the floor. 423 00:16:06,054 --> 00:16:09,269 And I'm thinking, I can't possibly cry anymore. 424 00:16:09,889 --> 00:16:11,570 I can't do this. Like, oh my gosh, 425 00:16:11,570 --> 00:16:12,470 you know, and 426 00:16:12,769 --> 00:16:14,309 there's different people. It's like 427 00:16:15,089 --> 00:16:16,850 it was so intense for all of us. 428 00:16:16,850 --> 00:16:19,915 And I remember my inner child was so 429 00:16:19,915 --> 00:16:22,315 scared, Sadie. Oh, my gosh. I had to 430 00:16:22,315 --> 00:16:23,855 really deal with 431 00:16:24,795 --> 00:16:25,774 holding space 432 00:16:26,715 --> 00:16:29,434 for other people's pain. Like it scared me. 433 00:16:29,434 --> 00:16:31,615 And that was such an exercise 434 00:16:32,610 --> 00:16:35,909 for me to find courage, to find strength, 435 00:16:36,049 --> 00:16:36,870 even though 436 00:16:37,889 --> 00:16:39,889 that heat was turned all the way up 437 00:16:39,889 --> 00:16:41,110 and in not a 438 00:16:41,889 --> 00:16:44,955 hurtful way or scary way, just like, you 439 00:16:44,955 --> 00:16:47,355 know, sweat lodges for indigenous people. It was 440 00:16:47,355 --> 00:16:50,235 like, no, we're in this to heal. We've 441 00:16:50,235 --> 00:16:51,934 come in here to purify 442 00:16:52,795 --> 00:16:55,434 and it's just hot. It's okay to go 443 00:16:55,434 --> 00:16:56,575 through this pain. 444 00:16:57,355 --> 00:16:59,535 And on the other side of it, oh, 445 00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:00,620 freedom, 446 00:17:01,240 --> 00:17:01,740 peace. 447 00:17:02,519 --> 00:17:05,500 There's part of me that is actually cheering 448 00:17:05,640 --> 00:17:08,119 for that little girl. The one that you 449 00:17:08,119 --> 00:17:11,240 said coming in, you felt like you were 450 00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:12,539 in a very intellectual 451 00:17:13,275 --> 00:17:15,134 space and a very caregiving 452 00:17:15,595 --> 00:17:16,095 space, 453 00:17:16,715 --> 00:17:18,414 and almost that you didn't remember 454 00:17:18,715 --> 00:17:21,775 her. So for you to say that you 455 00:17:21,835 --> 00:17:23,535 could feel her scared 456 00:17:24,234 --> 00:17:25,535 at times and 457 00:17:26,075 --> 00:17:28,095 not sure that she could handle 458 00:17:28,880 --> 00:17:29,779 tears anymore. 459 00:17:30,640 --> 00:17:32,799 Even you knowing that means you were you 460 00:17:32,799 --> 00:17:35,039 were right there with her. And that in 461 00:17:35,039 --> 00:17:35,539 itself 462 00:17:35,920 --> 00:17:36,660 is change. 463 00:17:37,519 --> 00:17:38,740 That has been 464 00:17:39,120 --> 00:17:41,700 so empowering for my spirit to 465 00:17:42,414 --> 00:17:43,075 be able 466 00:17:43,775 --> 00:17:44,994 to, like my whole being, 467 00:17:45,615 --> 00:17:48,494 my spirit, my intellect, my body, be able 468 00:17:48,494 --> 00:17:50,974 to bring love to my inner child. And 469 00:17:50,974 --> 00:17:53,954 so even now, when there's moments where 470 00:17:54,910 --> 00:17:57,230 I'm feeling really emotional, my feelings are giving 471 00:17:57,230 --> 00:17:58,130 me that information, 472 00:17:59,230 --> 00:18:00,609 I'm able to really 473 00:18:01,630 --> 00:18:02,769 visualize myself 474 00:18:03,309 --> 00:18:03,809 hugging 475 00:18:04,269 --> 00:18:06,190 that little girl when she is feeling that 476 00:18:06,190 --> 00:18:07,570 way, letting her cry, 477 00:18:08,190 --> 00:18:09,490 giving her a hug, 478 00:18:10,664 --> 00:18:12,904 that has brought me so much strength. Oh 479 00:18:12,904 --> 00:18:14,044 my goodness, so much 480 00:18:14,345 --> 00:18:15,724 strength in so many different 481 00:18:16,105 --> 00:18:18,044 scenarios since I did the process. 482 00:18:18,585 --> 00:18:21,065 I'm just so thankful that I was given 483 00:18:21,065 --> 00:18:23,005 those tools and that 484 00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:26,039 awareness of how all these parts of myself 485 00:18:26,039 --> 00:18:26,859 fit together. 486 00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:29,900 So you described your work in the process 487 00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:30,460 as 488 00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:31,340 finding 489 00:18:31,880 --> 00:18:32,380 yourself, 490 00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:35,080 and I love the image of you crawling 491 00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:36,920 out of a sweat lodge on your knees. 492 00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:37,365 Like, 493 00:18:37,845 --> 00:18:39,144 here I am 494 00:18:40,484 --> 00:18:41,865 and meeting the world. 495 00:18:42,484 --> 00:18:44,105 Can you tell us a bit about 496 00:18:44,724 --> 00:18:46,345 going home to meet your life? 497 00:18:46,804 --> 00:18:49,704 So probably the most beautiful moment 498 00:18:50,244 --> 00:18:51,144 that I experienced 499 00:18:51,525 --> 00:18:52,025 was 500 00:18:52,930 --> 00:18:53,670 just nature, 501 00:18:54,369 --> 00:18:55,990 all of a sudden flowing 502 00:18:57,170 --> 00:18:59,410 and being so vibrant. I mean, the colors 503 00:18:59,410 --> 00:19:02,609 that I experienced after the process were just 504 00:19:02,609 --> 00:19:03,109 incredible. 505 00:19:04,210 --> 00:19:05,109 I was clear. 506 00:19:06,134 --> 00:19:08,315 I described to someone that 507 00:19:09,494 --> 00:19:12,055 I received, like, new eyes when I came 508 00:19:12,055 --> 00:19:13,595 home to my daughter who's 509 00:19:13,894 --> 00:19:16,075 just given me hell before. 510 00:19:17,095 --> 00:19:19,359 All of a sudden, I I went down 511 00:19:19,359 --> 00:19:21,519 to her level and I, I looked at 512 00:19:21,519 --> 00:19:23,839 her in her eyes and I could see 513 00:19:23,839 --> 00:19:25,539 her as a spiritual being. 514 00:19:26,640 --> 00:19:28,559 I came home to my husband and I 515 00:19:28,559 --> 00:19:31,119 could see him as a spiritual being. And 516 00:19:31,119 --> 00:19:32,500 I had so much 517 00:19:33,115 --> 00:19:36,255 admiration for his courage to do the process. 518 00:19:37,194 --> 00:19:39,294 I just remember the shift 519 00:19:40,315 --> 00:19:41,615 in seeing everybody 520 00:19:42,634 --> 00:19:43,134 as 521 00:19:43,914 --> 00:19:46,174 spiritual beings first and foremost. 522 00:19:46,714 --> 00:19:47,855 And that was beautiful. 523 00:19:48,549 --> 00:19:50,730 I wonder how much of that reflects 524 00:19:51,509 --> 00:19:54,650 you knowing yourself first, that way you're 525 00:19:54,950 --> 00:19:56,950 a soul first and then a human. I 526 00:19:56,950 --> 00:19:58,089 really love that. 527 00:19:59,190 --> 00:20:00,650 What do you think is happening 528 00:20:01,634 --> 00:20:04,115 in your daughter's world when you come and 529 00:20:04,115 --> 00:20:06,295 look into her eyes and see her? 530 00:20:07,075 --> 00:20:09,095 It's really inspired me to 531 00:20:09,634 --> 00:20:12,055 become a learner again, to grow, 532 00:20:12,994 --> 00:20:14,375 to search out 533 00:20:15,460 --> 00:20:17,720 information if I don't have it. So 534 00:20:18,180 --> 00:20:20,820 I started reading this incredible book called The 535 00:20:20,820 --> 00:20:22,440 Conscious Parent, and 536 00:20:22,740 --> 00:20:24,980 it makes so much sense now. It makes 537 00:20:24,980 --> 00:20:26,680 so much sense to just 538 00:20:27,539 --> 00:20:28,039 shed 539 00:20:29,225 --> 00:20:30,045 all these 540 00:20:30,345 --> 00:20:33,545 labels and this idea of how parenting should 541 00:20:33,545 --> 00:20:34,365 even look 542 00:20:34,825 --> 00:20:36,765 and be able to just first and foremost 543 00:20:37,065 --> 00:20:38,045 come back to 544 00:20:38,505 --> 00:20:40,205 who's in front of me as a spiritual 545 00:20:40,265 --> 00:20:42,759 being. And I just, I always love coming 546 00:20:42,759 --> 00:20:44,460 back to that place of grounding, 547 00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:46,220 that place of home. 548 00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:49,400 As much as I can go on and 549 00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:51,740 on about the process, I will tell you 550 00:20:52,279 --> 00:20:54,460 that two years after the process, 551 00:20:54,904 --> 00:20:57,484 I did feel a noticeable slowdown 552 00:20:58,184 --> 00:20:58,684 because 553 00:20:58,984 --> 00:21:00,284 I do so much 554 00:21:00,825 --> 00:21:03,005 going and going, the waves kept crashing. 555 00:21:03,384 --> 00:21:04,125 And so 556 00:21:04,664 --> 00:21:05,164 I 557 00:21:05,625 --> 00:21:08,505 stopped tending to my inner fire and tapping 558 00:21:08,505 --> 00:21:09,964 into those regular practices and my 559 00:21:11,190 --> 00:21:13,769 Hoffman tools as much as I wanted to. 560 00:21:14,309 --> 00:21:18,089 I noticed that whenever I encountered stress, especially 561 00:21:18,470 --> 00:21:20,970 triggered by my kids, I would find myself 562 00:21:21,349 --> 00:21:22,410 reverting back 563 00:21:22,714 --> 00:21:24,234 to some of my old patterns that I 564 00:21:24,234 --> 00:21:25,214 thought I addressed 565 00:21:25,515 --> 00:21:27,275 during the process. I thought I got rid 566 00:21:27,275 --> 00:21:28,815 of those. Where are you back? 567 00:21:31,035 --> 00:21:32,654 In 2024, 568 00:21:33,275 --> 00:21:36,315 I lost my younger brother to cancer and 569 00:21:36,315 --> 00:21:39,190 the grief, oh, it took me out, Sadie. 570 00:21:39,730 --> 00:21:42,950 It was like nothing I've ever felt before. 571 00:21:44,130 --> 00:21:46,150 And around the same time, 572 00:21:46,769 --> 00:21:47,670 the Hoffman 573 00:21:48,849 --> 00:21:51,730 Institute had launched the first ever Black Indigenous 574 00:21:51,730 --> 00:21:54,684 People of Color BIPOC Q2 program. And 575 00:21:55,465 --> 00:21:56,684 I rolled immediately 576 00:21:57,545 --> 00:22:00,664 with the hope that I could work through 577 00:22:00,664 --> 00:22:02,365 my grief and refresh 578 00:22:03,225 --> 00:22:05,945 my Hoffman tools. And I bring this up 579 00:22:05,945 --> 00:22:06,445 because 580 00:22:06,880 --> 00:22:08,259 as much as the process 581 00:22:09,279 --> 00:22:10,339 is this incredible 582 00:22:11,519 --> 00:22:13,700 experience and I gained so much 583 00:22:14,159 --> 00:22:14,900 from it, 584 00:22:15,839 --> 00:22:17,619 and I connected to spirit, 585 00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:20,444 the reality is that it's a practice and 586 00:22:20,444 --> 00:22:23,164 it's something that for myself, I have to 587 00:22:23,164 --> 00:22:23,984 tap into 588 00:22:25,005 --> 00:22:26,464 all the time regularly 589 00:22:27,244 --> 00:22:28,065 as different 590 00:22:28,924 --> 00:22:30,704 things get thrown my way. 591 00:22:31,244 --> 00:22:34,525 I did the BIPOC Q2 February 2025. I 592 00:22:34,525 --> 00:22:35,720 was part of the inaugural 593 00:22:36,500 --> 00:22:38,440 BIPOC q two class. And, 594 00:22:38,980 --> 00:22:40,579 I mean, I just thought, hey, I'm gonna 595 00:22:40,579 --> 00:22:41,940 go here and I'm gonna work on my 596 00:22:41,940 --> 00:22:43,859 on my grief. I'm I'm gonna get a 597 00:22:43,859 --> 00:22:44,679 tool refresher. 598 00:22:46,259 --> 00:22:48,200 I am still in shock 599 00:22:48,914 --> 00:22:50,615 with what I excavated 600 00:22:51,555 --> 00:22:53,735 with the help of the BIPOC q two 601 00:22:54,355 --> 00:22:55,255 and the 602 00:22:55,715 --> 00:22:56,615 fierce community 603 00:22:56,914 --> 00:22:57,975 that came together. 604 00:22:58,674 --> 00:22:59,174 I'm 605 00:22:59,475 --> 00:23:00,695 from a multicultural 606 00:23:01,475 --> 00:23:02,615 ancestral lineage. 607 00:23:03,039 --> 00:23:06,579 I'm part indigenous San Carlos Apache, Chicana, 608 00:23:07,519 --> 00:23:08,019 Mexican, 609 00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:08,900 Filipina, 610 00:23:09,279 --> 00:23:10,819 Japanese, and European. 611 00:23:11,519 --> 00:23:12,900 And my whole life, 612 00:23:13,279 --> 00:23:15,220 I always felt like my cultures 613 00:23:15,599 --> 00:23:16,099 were 614 00:23:16,924 --> 00:23:18,464 a source of strengths 615 00:23:18,924 --> 00:23:20,684 in my life and I was very proud 616 00:23:20,684 --> 00:23:22,605 to be mixed, especially living in the Bay 617 00:23:22,605 --> 00:23:23,105 Area. 618 00:23:23,884 --> 00:23:25,804 There were not a lot of people like 619 00:23:25,804 --> 00:23:28,144 me or my family growing up. 620 00:23:28,765 --> 00:23:29,744 So I often 621 00:23:30,049 --> 00:23:32,309 did feel like I was on the margins 622 00:23:32,609 --> 00:23:34,789 and always having to explain myself. 623 00:23:35,490 --> 00:23:36,230 And so 624 00:23:36,849 --> 00:23:37,750 you can imagine 625 00:23:38,929 --> 00:23:41,269 when I walk into the Hoffman Retreat site 626 00:23:41,409 --> 00:23:42,549 and I look around 627 00:23:43,654 --> 00:23:44,474 and there's 628 00:23:44,855 --> 00:23:47,434 every beautiful shade of human being 629 00:23:47,734 --> 00:23:50,134 I could have ever wished for all in 630 00:23:50,134 --> 00:23:50,875 one room. 631 00:23:51,734 --> 00:23:53,255 I mean, we had to all sort of 632 00:23:53,255 --> 00:23:54,154 take a collective 633 00:23:54,534 --> 00:23:55,034 moment 634 00:23:55,335 --> 00:23:57,835 to gather ourselves and what that meant, 635 00:23:58,214 --> 00:23:58,714 because 636 00:23:59,309 --> 00:24:01,889 it might seem normal or insignificant, 637 00:24:03,149 --> 00:24:04,769 but knowing what we know 638 00:24:05,149 --> 00:24:06,690 about the Hoffman work 639 00:24:06,990 --> 00:24:09,889 and seeing all these courageous human beings 640 00:24:10,829 --> 00:24:11,295 with 641 00:24:11,855 --> 00:24:14,355 incredible stories and these ancestral 642 00:24:14,734 --> 00:24:16,914 roots doing this deep work, 643 00:24:17,455 --> 00:24:19,315 breaking cycles of intergenerational 644 00:24:19,695 --> 00:24:20,195 trauma 645 00:24:20,575 --> 00:24:21,154 and pain, 646 00:24:22,095 --> 00:24:23,795 it it was truly breathtaking. 647 00:24:24,174 --> 00:24:25,394 And I 648 00:24:26,049 --> 00:24:28,210 will have to say for the past six 649 00:24:28,210 --> 00:24:30,390 months since doing the BIPOC YouTube, 650 00:24:30,769 --> 00:24:32,690 I have been lit up like a Christmas 651 00:24:32,690 --> 00:24:35,089 tree. I mean, it has set me all 652 00:24:35,089 --> 00:24:37,650 the way free and I would love to 653 00:24:37,650 --> 00:24:39,589 just share some of my 654 00:24:40,195 --> 00:24:42,595 revelations from that because I think there's so 655 00:24:42,595 --> 00:24:43,494 much to 656 00:24:43,795 --> 00:24:44,775 reflect on 657 00:24:45,555 --> 00:24:47,174 from what I experienced. 658 00:24:48,355 --> 00:24:51,555 Yes. And what a wonderful beginning, this moment 659 00:24:51,555 --> 00:24:54,195 of just walking in and taking a collective 660 00:24:54,195 --> 00:24:57,190 moment of what it took for each one 661 00:24:57,190 --> 00:24:58,569 of them to be there. 662 00:24:58,950 --> 00:25:00,089 So what did you 663 00:25:00,549 --> 00:25:02,809 find? What were some of your big 664 00:25:03,269 --> 00:25:03,769 takeaways, 665 00:25:04,150 --> 00:25:04,650 insights, 666 00:25:05,190 --> 00:25:05,690 experiences? 667 00:25:06,630 --> 00:25:08,890 So there were two exercises in 668 00:25:12,845 --> 00:25:13,744 elevator exercise. 669 00:25:14,684 --> 00:25:15,184 And 670 00:25:15,565 --> 00:25:16,625 in this exercise, 671 00:25:17,005 --> 00:25:18,384 I had asked the question, 672 00:25:19,565 --> 00:25:20,465 why am I 673 00:25:20,924 --> 00:25:22,945 still not taking care of my health? 674 00:25:23,569 --> 00:25:25,329 So again, you know, go back two years 675 00:25:25,329 --> 00:25:26,549 to when I did the process, 676 00:25:27,569 --> 00:25:29,410 feeling great and I thought I had it 677 00:25:29,410 --> 00:25:30,470 all figured out, 678 00:25:31,009 --> 00:25:33,650 but I'm still thirty pounds overweight, I'm not 679 00:25:33,650 --> 00:25:35,970 exercising, I'm not dancing, I'm not taking care 680 00:25:35,970 --> 00:25:38,069 of myself, like what is going on? 681 00:25:38,585 --> 00:25:40,265 And so I asked the question, why am 682 00:25:40,265 --> 00:25:41,964 I not taking care of my health? 683 00:25:42,265 --> 00:25:44,765 And so I closed my eyes, and 684 00:25:45,144 --> 00:25:46,605 here I go one level, 685 00:25:47,704 --> 00:25:48,845 then two levels. 686 00:25:50,345 --> 00:25:51,805 Then the third level, 687 00:25:52,345 --> 00:25:53,565 the doors open, 688 00:25:54,190 --> 00:25:55,730 and it's an empty basement. 689 00:25:56,029 --> 00:25:57,490 And I I look around 690 00:25:57,789 --> 00:25:59,009 and there's concrete, 691 00:25:59,789 --> 00:26:02,349 there's some hidden areas over there off in 692 00:26:02,349 --> 00:26:04,509 the distance, and I'm like, nope. I'm not 693 00:26:04,509 --> 00:26:06,049 getting out of this elevator. 694 00:26:08,054 --> 00:26:08,554 And 695 00:26:08,855 --> 00:26:11,974 what happens next is I I look down 696 00:26:11,974 --> 00:26:14,234 and I lift my two hands up 697 00:26:14,535 --> 00:26:15,674 in front of my face, 698 00:26:17,654 --> 00:26:20,130 and then poof, we're done with the exercise. 699 00:26:20,910 --> 00:26:23,309 And and, of course, I'm puzzled because I'm 700 00:26:23,309 --> 00:26:26,130 like, what in the hell was that about? 701 00:26:26,190 --> 00:26:28,130 Like, what what does this mean? 702 00:26:28,589 --> 00:26:30,589 For those that might be listening and not 703 00:26:30,589 --> 00:26:32,769 know what an elevator is, it's a guided 704 00:26:33,184 --> 00:26:35,984 visualization that goes with a particular question in 705 00:26:35,984 --> 00:26:37,825 your case around taking care of your health 706 00:26:37,825 --> 00:26:38,804 and finding 707 00:26:39,585 --> 00:26:40,085 enlightening 708 00:26:40,704 --> 00:26:42,865 information about what's standing in your way or 709 00:26:42,865 --> 00:26:45,585 what hurts or patterns there. So take us 710 00:26:45,585 --> 00:26:46,404 to the next. 711 00:26:47,099 --> 00:26:50,000 So the next exercise was a transference exercise. 712 00:26:51,019 --> 00:26:52,400 We were doing one 713 00:26:53,019 --> 00:26:54,559 on the colonizer, 714 00:26:55,579 --> 00:26:58,779 and I'm coming up with all these words 715 00:26:58,779 --> 00:27:00,005 to to describe 716 00:27:00,464 --> 00:27:02,705 my feelings and what I thought about the 717 00:27:02,705 --> 00:27:04,404 colonizer, and I'm yelling out, 718 00:27:04,705 --> 00:27:05,205 please 719 00:27:06,144 --> 00:27:06,644 murderer, 720 00:27:07,424 --> 00:27:07,924 taker. 721 00:27:08,384 --> 00:27:10,224 You know, I was really getting into it 722 00:27:10,224 --> 00:27:11,205 at this point. 723 00:27:11,910 --> 00:27:12,410 Then 724 00:27:12,950 --> 00:27:15,930 the coach proceeds to remind us that 725 00:27:16,309 --> 00:27:17,610 if you spot it, 726 00:27:18,230 --> 00:27:19,210 you got it. 727 00:27:21,590 --> 00:27:23,350 I'm gonna take a deep breath right there. 728 00:27:23,350 --> 00:27:25,954 So, you know, at this point, I'm, like, 729 00:27:25,954 --> 00:27:27,414 real upset because 730 00:27:27,714 --> 00:27:30,115 I'm like, what in the gaslight is this? 731 00:27:30,115 --> 00:27:31,714 How dare you do this to people of 732 00:27:31,714 --> 00:27:32,214 color? 733 00:27:32,755 --> 00:27:35,015 I'm not these things. I'm not the colonizer. 734 00:27:35,554 --> 00:27:37,394 I mean, I was really upset, and we 735 00:27:37,394 --> 00:27:38,375 went to eat. 736 00:27:39,070 --> 00:27:40,830 And I'm still trying to figure this out. 737 00:27:40,830 --> 00:27:42,130 Why would they do that? 738 00:27:42,910 --> 00:27:45,549 Thank goodness for the people that were there 739 00:27:45,549 --> 00:27:47,490 with me during the BIPOC Q2. 740 00:27:47,950 --> 00:27:49,650 Every single person 741 00:27:49,950 --> 00:27:52,850 was a reflection that really helped me. 742 00:27:53,524 --> 00:27:54,984 So I asked my sister 743 00:27:55,444 --> 00:27:57,704 about what she thought about this exercise. 744 00:27:59,044 --> 00:28:01,464 And you know what? She didn't even flinch. 745 00:28:01,765 --> 00:28:03,544 She was like, oh, yeah, 746 00:28:04,005 --> 00:28:05,625 I've acted like the colonizer. 747 00:28:06,565 --> 00:28:07,065 Woah. 748 00:28:08,120 --> 00:28:10,200 I had to really take that in. And 749 00:28:10,200 --> 00:28:10,860 it was 750 00:28:11,880 --> 00:28:12,779 this honest 751 00:28:14,440 --> 00:28:14,940 recognition 752 00:28:15,240 --> 00:28:15,980 and awareness 753 00:28:17,320 --> 00:28:19,880 that she had, and it suddenly put me 754 00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:23,294 in check, and it pulled it all together. 755 00:28:24,154 --> 00:28:26,734 And I'm gonna share something that's very vulnerable 756 00:28:26,794 --> 00:28:29,054 for me. It made me acknowledge, 757 00:28:30,075 --> 00:28:31,214 wait a minute, Jessica, 758 00:28:31,755 --> 00:28:34,559 you're part white, English to be specific, 759 00:28:35,179 --> 00:28:36,319 you're part Japanese. 760 00:28:37,259 --> 00:28:38,559 I do have colonizer 761 00:28:38,940 --> 00:28:39,440 ancestors 762 00:28:39,980 --> 00:28:41,899 that I need to acknowledge and I also 763 00:28:41,899 --> 00:28:44,240 need to acknowledge some of the colonizing behavior 764 00:28:44,940 --> 00:28:46,639 that is present in my life. 765 00:28:48,194 --> 00:28:48,694 Woah. 766 00:28:49,394 --> 00:28:52,134 What's interesting is my whole life, 767 00:28:52,515 --> 00:28:53,174 my family, 768 00:28:53,474 --> 00:28:56,534 and even myself would play being part white 769 00:28:56,595 --> 00:28:57,414 real small. 770 00:28:58,274 --> 00:28:59,575 It was a, 771 00:29:00,210 --> 00:29:03,009 we don't talk about Bruno from Encanto type 772 00:29:03,009 --> 00:29:03,669 of situation. 773 00:29:05,009 --> 00:29:06,710 And so this was a 774 00:29:07,089 --> 00:29:07,589 huge 775 00:29:08,289 --> 00:29:09,349 moment for me. 776 00:29:09,970 --> 00:29:11,750 Going back to that elevator exercise, 777 00:29:12,130 --> 00:29:13,109 what I discovered 778 00:29:13,730 --> 00:29:14,789 was that basement, 779 00:29:15,815 --> 00:29:18,315 it symbolized a lot of those suppressed emotions, 780 00:29:19,015 --> 00:29:19,515 untapped, 781 00:29:20,775 --> 00:29:21,275 unknown, 782 00:29:22,214 --> 00:29:22,714 unacknowledged 783 00:29:23,414 --> 00:29:25,194 aspects of my subconscious 784 00:29:26,375 --> 00:29:27,914 that was deep down there. 785 00:29:28,950 --> 00:29:31,750 And so going back to my process, that 786 00:29:31,750 --> 00:29:34,309 first layer of healing for me was my 787 00:29:34,309 --> 00:29:35,769 parental pattern work. 788 00:29:36,309 --> 00:29:37,929 But what the BIPOC Q2 789 00:29:38,869 --> 00:29:41,589 revealed was that there was a deeper layer 790 00:29:41,589 --> 00:29:43,929 that I needed to address, and there were 791 00:29:44,194 --> 00:29:46,355 aspects that I needed to heal that were 792 00:29:46,355 --> 00:29:48,214 buried down deep. They were ancestral, 793 00:29:49,394 --> 00:29:51,494 they were cultural, they were subconsciously 794 00:29:52,115 --> 00:29:52,934 and energetically 795 00:29:53,394 --> 00:29:54,615 holding me back. 796 00:29:55,154 --> 00:29:56,855 This was the first time 797 00:29:57,315 --> 00:29:58,214 in my life 798 00:29:58,914 --> 00:29:59,414 where 799 00:30:00,089 --> 00:30:00,909 I'm acknowledging 800 00:30:01,210 --> 00:30:01,710 that 801 00:30:02,250 --> 00:30:04,490 you really are a part European, you're part 802 00:30:04,490 --> 00:30:06,109 white, that's part of your lineage. 803 00:30:06,970 --> 00:30:08,890 And what that showed me was that I 804 00:30:08,890 --> 00:30:10,190 had some suppressed 805 00:30:10,730 --> 00:30:11,549 self hate 806 00:30:12,250 --> 00:30:14,349 hidden that I needed to release. 807 00:30:15,234 --> 00:30:18,054 What happened for you as you acknowledged 808 00:30:18,595 --> 00:30:19,815 and moved through? 809 00:30:20,835 --> 00:30:21,815 Tell us about 810 00:30:22,515 --> 00:30:23,575 how you integrated 811 00:30:24,194 --> 00:30:25,414 that realization. 812 00:30:26,914 --> 00:30:28,615 So you can imagine 813 00:30:29,819 --> 00:30:30,559 the generational 814 00:30:31,659 --> 00:30:34,799 ancestral conflict, someone like me and my family 815 00:30:35,579 --> 00:30:36,559 has endured 816 00:30:36,859 --> 00:30:39,099 by not being brown enough, not being white 817 00:30:39,099 --> 00:30:42,000 enough, not being indigenous enough and so on. 818 00:30:42,615 --> 00:30:43,115 Each 819 00:30:43,654 --> 00:30:46,535 side hating on the other side and worse 820 00:30:46,535 --> 00:30:47,035 yet, 821 00:30:47,494 --> 00:30:48,875 us hating on each other 822 00:30:49,414 --> 00:30:50,555 and the controversial 823 00:30:51,015 --> 00:30:51,515 realization 824 00:30:52,295 --> 00:30:52,795 that 825 00:30:53,654 --> 00:30:55,894 even as people of color, yeah, we carry 826 00:30:55,894 --> 00:30:58,559 these patterns from our colonizers and that also 827 00:30:58,559 --> 00:30:59,059 culture 828 00:31:00,160 --> 00:31:02,720 brings with it patterns that can cause damage. 829 00:31:02,720 --> 00:31:03,859 So like for me, 830 00:31:04,799 --> 00:31:06,900 food has always been this incredible 831 00:31:07,840 --> 00:31:10,065 connection with culture. Oh, I love food so 832 00:31:10,065 --> 00:31:11,664 much. I love to cook food. I love 833 00:31:11,664 --> 00:31:12,404 to eat food. 834 00:31:13,505 --> 00:31:15,605 But guess what? Too much of it 835 00:31:16,384 --> 00:31:19,125 was hurting my health. I was going overboard 836 00:31:19,345 --> 00:31:20,244 because culturally, 837 00:31:21,025 --> 00:31:22,325 here, eat, eat, eat. 838 00:31:22,950 --> 00:31:23,929 Come sit down. 839 00:31:24,630 --> 00:31:27,609 Culturally food always meant comfort and meant safety. 840 00:31:28,149 --> 00:31:29,829 And so I had to grapple with some 841 00:31:29,829 --> 00:31:32,569 of that, those cultural patterns and those ancestral 842 00:31:33,349 --> 00:31:36,009 patterns that were still bringing damage. And 843 00:31:36,565 --> 00:31:39,845 it wasn't until like I could really resolve 844 00:31:39,845 --> 00:31:43,945 that energetic tension for myself that I could 845 00:31:44,325 --> 00:31:46,664 input love on all of my ancestors 846 00:31:47,125 --> 00:31:47,865 and really 847 00:31:48,565 --> 00:31:50,585 imagine what their experience was, 848 00:31:51,369 --> 00:31:52,750 what their stories were, 849 00:31:53,369 --> 00:31:54,990 even the colonizer ancestors. 850 00:31:55,929 --> 00:31:57,230 And that exercise 851 00:31:58,089 --> 00:31:59,390 brought me whole 852 00:31:59,929 --> 00:32:01,869 because it brought me belonging 853 00:32:02,730 --> 00:32:04,589 and truth and authenticity 854 00:32:05,625 --> 00:32:06,845 that I wasn't denying 855 00:32:07,785 --> 00:32:10,204 a part of myself anymore. I wasn't ashamed 856 00:32:11,625 --> 00:32:13,644 of that particular part of meaning. 857 00:32:14,184 --> 00:32:15,805 I just brought love to it. 858 00:32:16,184 --> 00:32:18,505 And that love is what's been so important 859 00:32:18,505 --> 00:32:21,589 in integrating and coming back to wholeness 860 00:32:21,890 --> 00:32:22,710 is that 861 00:32:23,170 --> 00:32:23,670 incredible 862 00:32:24,769 --> 00:32:25,269 energy 863 00:32:25,890 --> 00:32:27,750 of love and knowing that 864 00:32:28,210 --> 00:32:28,710 somehow 865 00:32:29,809 --> 00:32:30,630 my ancestors 866 00:32:31,009 --> 00:32:32,069 found each other 867 00:32:32,369 --> 00:32:34,309 and I'm gonna hope it was through love 868 00:32:34,994 --> 00:32:35,654 and that 869 00:32:36,275 --> 00:32:38,195 I'm here because of love. And I had 870 00:32:38,195 --> 00:32:39,734 to come back to that. 871 00:32:40,115 --> 00:32:43,015 Giving a little context on the transference 872 00:32:43,474 --> 00:32:45,015 experience that you shared, 873 00:32:45,474 --> 00:32:48,375 it's really about recognizing where our buttons 874 00:32:48,674 --> 00:32:51,710 might be pushed, that that's actually a spotlight 875 00:32:52,490 --> 00:32:53,950 on something to be healed. 876 00:32:54,650 --> 00:32:56,170 One of the things I love the most 877 00:32:56,170 --> 00:32:59,130 about your story is you didn't even know 878 00:32:59,130 --> 00:33:00,509 you went there for that. 879 00:33:01,450 --> 00:33:04,125 On some level, you trust it. This is 880 00:33:04,125 --> 00:33:05,805 where you said, like, it's it's out of 881 00:33:05,805 --> 00:33:09,005 love. Like love brought you to exactly what 882 00:33:09,005 --> 00:33:12,125 you needed. And I'm just wondering what happens 883 00:33:12,125 --> 00:33:14,045 next for you. You said you've spent six 884 00:33:14,045 --> 00:33:15,904 months feeling lit up. 885 00:33:16,309 --> 00:33:18,950 What happens in your life from this place 886 00:33:18,950 --> 00:33:19,690 of belonging 887 00:33:19,990 --> 00:33:20,730 and wholeness? 888 00:33:21,910 --> 00:33:24,309 Before I answer that question, I think I 889 00:33:24,309 --> 00:33:27,349 just want to go back to the grief 890 00:33:27,349 --> 00:33:29,849 work that brought me to the BIPOC Q2. 891 00:33:29,990 --> 00:33:31,130 One of the other 892 00:33:31,434 --> 00:33:33,134 realizations that I had 893 00:33:33,595 --> 00:33:34,335 was that 894 00:33:34,714 --> 00:33:36,654 there was some deep rooted 895 00:33:37,035 --> 00:33:37,535 feelings 896 00:33:37,835 --> 00:33:38,654 of grief 897 00:33:39,275 --> 00:33:40,414 over the cultural 898 00:33:41,035 --> 00:33:42,174 theft, the loss, 899 00:33:42,714 --> 00:33:43,775 the not knowing 900 00:33:45,029 --> 00:33:47,769 on both sides of my ancestral lineage, 901 00:33:48,390 --> 00:33:49,130 and that 902 00:33:49,590 --> 00:33:51,430 I had to somehow use my own two 903 00:33:51,430 --> 00:33:53,450 hands to figure this out for me. 904 00:33:54,390 --> 00:33:56,410 And so day in and day out, 905 00:33:57,430 --> 00:34:00,090 that's what I'm challenging myself to do 906 00:34:01,325 --> 00:34:03,805 is figure it out. I'm no longer a 907 00:34:03,805 --> 00:34:04,305 victim. 908 00:34:04,924 --> 00:34:07,164 In this generation, I have been given the 909 00:34:07,164 --> 00:34:08,704 privilege, I have shed 910 00:34:09,244 --> 00:34:10,304 what my ancestors 911 00:34:10,765 --> 00:34:11,265 couldn't. 912 00:34:11,644 --> 00:34:13,585 So I have the privilege now 913 00:34:15,079 --> 00:34:18,699 to figure this out for myself. I can 914 00:34:19,079 --> 00:34:21,340 learn a language, I can return 915 00:34:21,640 --> 00:34:23,980 to ceremonies that were taken away. 916 00:34:24,599 --> 00:34:25,340 I can 917 00:34:25,640 --> 00:34:26,140 go 918 00:34:26,954 --> 00:34:27,454 travel, 919 00:34:27,994 --> 00:34:30,575 taste food, embrace my cultures. 920 00:34:31,275 --> 00:34:32,795 There's a show, I don't know if you've 921 00:34:32,795 --> 00:34:34,635 seen it, it's called Finding Your Roots on 922 00:34:34,635 --> 00:34:35,135 PBS. 923 00:34:35,835 --> 00:34:38,735 They take a whole team to uncover people's 924 00:34:38,795 --> 00:34:42,139 ancestral lineage and it's always so cool to 925 00:34:42,139 --> 00:34:44,639 find like who your great, great, great ancestor 926 00:34:44,779 --> 00:34:48,000 was and their story. And like, I wish 927 00:34:48,380 --> 00:34:50,719 we could all get this type of information 928 00:34:51,179 --> 00:34:51,679 because 929 00:34:52,299 --> 00:34:53,599 it would really help 930 00:34:54,035 --> 00:34:56,454 in clearing out some of this ancestral 931 00:34:57,075 --> 00:34:58,835 pattern works that we need to do for 932 00:34:58,835 --> 00:34:59,335 ourselves. 933 00:34:59,795 --> 00:35:00,535 But unfortunately 934 00:35:01,075 --> 00:35:04,454 we don't always have that privilege of information. 935 00:35:05,394 --> 00:35:06,695 Even our own parents, 936 00:35:07,559 --> 00:35:08,300 my parents, 937 00:35:08,840 --> 00:35:10,300 there's certain aspects 938 00:35:11,079 --> 00:35:13,019 of ancestral lineage where it's like, 939 00:35:13,480 --> 00:35:15,260 Nope, we don't go there. 940 00:35:15,559 --> 00:35:17,739 And so it's those blind spots 941 00:35:18,440 --> 00:35:21,160 that I've had to say, No, I get 942 00:35:21,160 --> 00:35:23,180 to figure this out now as 943 00:35:23,694 --> 00:35:24,355 a privileged 944 00:35:24,894 --> 00:35:26,434 person in this life, 945 00:35:27,214 --> 00:35:29,474 I have the power to search this information. 946 00:35:29,614 --> 00:35:30,835 I have the power 947 00:35:31,614 --> 00:35:33,934 to learn about my cultures and I also 948 00:35:33,934 --> 00:35:34,835 have the responsibility 949 00:35:35,295 --> 00:35:37,315 now to share this with my children. 950 00:35:37,829 --> 00:35:39,510 I can do this. I have this sense 951 00:35:39,510 --> 00:35:41,829 of belonging that that no one can take 952 00:35:41,829 --> 00:35:42,969 away from me now. 953 00:35:43,349 --> 00:35:46,329 I'm thinking back to your words around ceremony. 954 00:35:47,110 --> 00:35:49,110 And as I sit here, I'm looking at 955 00:35:49,110 --> 00:35:50,010 this photo 956 00:35:51,105 --> 00:35:53,105 with you and your husband and your daughter 957 00:35:53,105 --> 00:35:54,005 between you 958 00:35:54,545 --> 00:35:55,525 in a beautiful 959 00:35:56,545 --> 00:35:57,045 ceremony. 960 00:35:57,744 --> 00:35:59,605 Thank you so much for recognizing 961 00:36:00,224 --> 00:36:01,045 that picture. 962 00:36:01,664 --> 00:36:02,485 It represents 963 00:36:03,264 --> 00:36:04,485 a visioning milestone 964 00:36:05,025 --> 00:36:05,925 for my family. 965 00:36:06,670 --> 00:36:09,869 The picture was taken last October during my 966 00:36:09,869 --> 00:36:10,769 daughter's Apache 967 00:36:11,150 --> 00:36:12,449 coming of age ceremony. 968 00:36:13,309 --> 00:36:14,610 This is a 969 00:36:15,070 --> 00:36:15,570 monumental 970 00:36:16,190 --> 00:36:17,889 ceremony for Apache women, 971 00:36:18,429 --> 00:36:19,090 our family 972 00:36:20,255 --> 00:36:23,074 and all of the community, really. It's 973 00:36:23,454 --> 00:36:26,494 a ceremony that ties Apache people back to 974 00:36:26,494 --> 00:36:27,795 our creation story 975 00:36:28,494 --> 00:36:32,114 and connects us with everything around us 976 00:36:32,735 --> 00:36:34,355 to bring healing forward. 977 00:36:35,090 --> 00:36:38,449 There was a time when these ceremonies were 978 00:36:38,449 --> 00:36:39,269 taken away. 979 00:36:40,369 --> 00:36:41,269 It's been 980 00:36:41,969 --> 00:36:42,469 generations 981 00:36:42,929 --> 00:36:43,429 since 982 00:36:43,890 --> 00:36:46,230 our family was able to bring the ceremony 983 00:36:46,289 --> 00:36:46,789 back. 984 00:36:47,489 --> 00:36:48,789 Getting to that point 985 00:36:49,184 --> 00:36:50,485 to take that picture 986 00:36:51,184 --> 00:36:54,085 was fourteen years in the making and 987 00:36:54,625 --> 00:36:56,324 really an illustration of 988 00:36:56,864 --> 00:36:57,605 my family's 989 00:36:57,905 --> 00:37:00,724 tenacity to break the cycles and to 990 00:37:01,425 --> 00:37:02,644 reclaim culture, 991 00:37:03,480 --> 00:37:05,420 even when the odds are against us 992 00:37:05,800 --> 00:37:08,219 and to honor the best parts 993 00:37:09,159 --> 00:37:10,139 of our culture 994 00:37:10,440 --> 00:37:11,500 and our ancestors. 995 00:37:12,599 --> 00:37:15,159 So I'm really glad that you acknowledge that 996 00:37:15,159 --> 00:37:17,019 and I can share that with you today. 997 00:37:17,565 --> 00:37:19,025 Bringing that light forward, 998 00:37:19,484 --> 00:37:19,984 my 999 00:37:20,284 --> 00:37:21,184 multi generational, 1000 00:37:22,844 --> 00:37:23,344 multicultural 1001 00:37:24,364 --> 00:37:24,864 ancestry, 1002 00:37:25,724 --> 00:37:27,264 it makes up my soil, 1003 00:37:27,644 --> 00:37:28,704 my foundation. 1004 00:37:29,164 --> 00:37:32,284 And as you've heard, it's complex, it's multi 1005 00:37:32,284 --> 00:37:33,184 layered. And 1006 00:37:33,690 --> 00:37:35,949 ever since that elevator exercise, 1007 00:37:36,809 --> 00:37:40,030 it's been a journey for me to work 1008 00:37:40,170 --> 00:37:41,869 through my blind spots 1009 00:37:42,409 --> 00:37:43,150 and to 1010 00:37:43,929 --> 00:37:44,429 uncover 1011 00:37:44,969 --> 00:37:47,655 the seen and the unseen blocks I was 1012 00:37:47,655 --> 00:37:48,155 carrying 1013 00:37:48,454 --> 00:37:49,355 quite literally 1014 00:37:50,054 --> 00:37:50,554 weight. 1015 00:37:51,255 --> 00:37:54,855 And this deeper pain was the root of 1016 00:37:54,855 --> 00:37:56,394 what was keeping me stuck. 1017 00:37:57,094 --> 00:37:57,594 So 1018 00:37:58,614 --> 00:38:00,715 I feel so proud of myself. 1019 00:38:01,440 --> 00:38:03,059 I'm so proud of 1020 00:38:03,519 --> 00:38:05,940 the courage to sit with my feelings 1021 00:38:06,480 --> 00:38:09,440 and really be curious about them. It's been 1022 00:38:09,440 --> 00:38:11,460 magic for me to follow my curiosity 1023 00:38:12,800 --> 00:38:14,099 straight to these realizations. 1024 00:38:15,835 --> 00:38:18,815 It's been my courage that activated my voice 1025 00:38:19,994 --> 00:38:22,255 and my inner child found her voice. 1026 00:38:23,114 --> 00:38:25,135 My body has a voice 1027 00:38:25,755 --> 00:38:27,454 and my spirit has a voice 1028 00:38:28,130 --> 00:38:30,070 and I can finally give my intellect 1029 00:38:30,369 --> 00:38:30,869 permission 1030 00:38:31,410 --> 00:38:32,230 to rest. 1031 00:38:33,329 --> 00:38:34,869 What this is all translated 1032 00:38:35,250 --> 00:38:35,750 to 1033 00:38:36,530 --> 00:38:38,610 is me being able to be in my 1034 00:38:38,610 --> 00:38:39,670 full embodied 1035 00:38:40,369 --> 00:38:40,869 self. 1036 00:38:41,715 --> 00:38:43,414 And after ten years, 1037 00:38:44,195 --> 00:38:45,095 I'm finally 1038 00:38:45,555 --> 00:38:47,655 losing weight. I've lost 10 pounds 1039 00:38:48,195 --> 00:38:50,454 since the bike caught Q2 in February, 1040 00:38:51,155 --> 00:38:53,394 and that's huge for me. And I was 1041 00:38:53,394 --> 00:38:55,635 just realizing that I was carrying all of 1042 00:38:55,635 --> 00:38:56,454 this weight 1043 00:38:56,869 --> 00:38:59,050 that I thought was keeping me safe 1044 00:38:59,670 --> 00:39:00,170 and 1045 00:39:00,550 --> 00:39:03,349 giving myself permission to let it go and 1046 00:39:03,349 --> 00:39:05,429 let go of what's no longer safe for 1047 00:39:05,429 --> 00:39:05,929 me. 1048 00:39:06,309 --> 00:39:08,150 I'm at a point where I've taken agency 1049 00:39:08,150 --> 00:39:09,449 over myself and 1050 00:39:09,910 --> 00:39:10,410 exercising, 1051 00:39:10,869 --> 00:39:11,610 I'm remembering 1052 00:39:11,989 --> 00:39:12,489 again. 1053 00:39:13,404 --> 00:39:15,585 I'm reading and learning, and 1054 00:39:16,045 --> 00:39:17,824 I'm just in this very tender 1055 00:39:18,444 --> 00:39:18,944 transition 1056 00:39:19,724 --> 00:39:20,704 while I rediscover 1057 00:39:21,164 --> 00:39:21,664 myself. 1058 00:39:22,364 --> 00:39:24,844 I'm truly loving this new way of being 1059 00:39:24,844 --> 00:39:27,424 and and feeling the love for myself finally. 1060 00:39:28,210 --> 00:39:31,190 Thank you for sharing. Is there any last 1061 00:39:31,730 --> 00:39:33,809 thing you'd like to share? Anything I haven't 1062 00:39:33,809 --> 00:39:35,510 asked you about that you think 1063 00:39:36,849 --> 00:39:37,590 would be 1064 00:39:38,289 --> 00:39:39,829 something you'd like to share? 1065 00:39:40,385 --> 00:39:41,525 As I think about 1066 00:39:42,144 --> 00:39:44,944 the process and this ancestral work through the 1067 00:39:44,944 --> 00:39:45,925 BIPOC Q2, 1068 00:39:47,184 --> 00:39:48,324 I'm just so, 1069 00:39:48,625 --> 00:39:50,964 so thankful and filled with gratitude 1070 00:39:51,264 --> 00:39:51,764 and 1071 00:39:52,144 --> 00:39:52,644 coming 1072 00:39:53,369 --> 00:39:54,829 and finding home 1073 00:39:55,210 --> 00:39:55,949 and belonging 1074 00:39:56,250 --> 00:39:56,750 and 1075 00:39:57,609 --> 00:39:58,109 truly 1076 00:39:59,049 --> 00:40:01,469 feeling that we are the living legacies 1077 00:40:02,009 --> 00:40:02,909 of our ancestors 1078 00:40:03,449 --> 00:40:03,949 and 1079 00:40:05,655 --> 00:40:08,954 replacing all that hate with love is really 1080 00:40:09,414 --> 00:40:09,914 what 1081 00:40:10,295 --> 00:40:13,574 I have found to bring healing to myself 1082 00:40:13,574 --> 00:40:15,195 and my family. And 1083 00:40:15,815 --> 00:40:16,554 the Hoffman 1084 00:40:16,855 --> 00:40:19,175 process in this practice has been like the 1085 00:40:19,175 --> 00:40:20,235 journey of a lifetime. 1086 00:40:21,110 --> 00:40:23,690 I'm so grateful to you and Drew 1087 00:40:23,989 --> 00:40:26,170 and so thankful to Raz and Liza 1088 00:40:26,469 --> 00:40:27,210 and to 1089 00:40:27,750 --> 00:40:30,150 Regina and Ian and Inejna and Alyssa, all 1090 00:40:30,150 --> 00:40:31,369 the BIPOC Q2 1091 00:40:31,829 --> 00:40:32,329 teachers 1092 00:40:33,030 --> 00:40:33,530 that 1093 00:40:34,255 --> 00:40:36,574 are doing the light work day in and 1094 00:40:36,574 --> 00:40:37,234 day out. 1095 00:40:37,934 --> 00:40:39,155 And I'm also 1096 00:40:39,614 --> 00:40:42,815 so thankful for anybody who's ever contributed to 1097 00:40:42,815 --> 00:40:44,434 Hoffman Scholarship Fund. 1098 00:40:44,894 --> 00:40:45,474 I think 1099 00:40:45,855 --> 00:40:47,394 it's important to recognize 1100 00:40:47,695 --> 00:40:48,195 that 1101 00:40:49,190 --> 00:40:50,089 those donations 1102 00:40:51,109 --> 00:40:51,929 are absolutely 1103 00:40:52,469 --> 00:40:55,289 making a difference in people's lives and 1104 00:40:56,230 --> 00:40:57,369 we're paying it forward 1105 00:40:58,389 --> 00:41:00,489 each and every day. I know I am. 1106 00:41:00,630 --> 00:41:02,869 And so with that, I'm just, I'm so 1107 00:41:02,869 --> 00:41:03,369 grateful 1108 00:41:04,585 --> 00:41:05,485 and appreciative 1109 00:41:06,105 --> 00:41:08,045 to to everyone. And 1110 00:41:08,425 --> 00:41:10,824 thank you so much for letting me share 1111 00:41:10,824 --> 00:41:12,045 my story with you. 1112 00:41:12,664 --> 00:41:14,125 It's been such an honor. 1113 00:41:14,425 --> 00:41:16,985 Really thank you so much for being with 1114 00:41:16,985 --> 00:41:18,525 us and for sharing. 1115 00:41:26,070 --> 00:41:28,230 Thank you for listening to our podcast. My 1116 00:41:28,230 --> 00:41:30,550 name is Liza Ingrassi. I'm the CEO and 1117 00:41:30,550 --> 00:41:32,650 president of Hoffman Institute Foundation. 1118 00:41:33,174 --> 00:41:34,554 And I'm Razzi Grassi, 1119 00:41:35,094 --> 00:41:38,135 Hoffman teacher and founder of the Hoffman Institute 1120 00:41:38,135 --> 00:41:38,635 Foundation. 1121 00:41:39,255 --> 00:41:42,154 Our mission is to provide people greater access 1122 00:41:42,214 --> 00:41:44,534 to the wisdom and power of love. In 1123 00:41:44,534 --> 00:41:45,034 themselves, 1124 00:41:45,335 --> 00:41:47,559 in each other, and in the world. To 1125 00:41:47,559 --> 00:41:51,099 find out more, please go to hompaninstitute.org.