1 00:00:01,599 --> 00:00:03,299 Now you've seen the sun. 2 00:00:03,679 --> 00:00:06,799 Now you have connected to your authentic self, 3 00:00:06,799 --> 00:00:08,580 your true self, your essence. 4 00:00:08,880 --> 00:00:11,279 And the clouds will come, and you won't 5 00:00:11,279 --> 00:00:13,855 see the sun again. But you know the 6 00:00:13,855 --> 00:00:16,015 sun is there, and now you have the 7 00:00:16,015 --> 00:00:18,994 tools and practices to help clear those clouds 8 00:00:19,054 --> 00:00:19,875 to reconnect. 9 00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:24,654 Welcome, everybody. My name is Drew Horning, and 10 00:00:24,654 --> 00:00:27,634 this podcast is called Love's Everyday Radius. 11 00:00:28,390 --> 00:00:30,410 It's brought to you by the Hoffman Institute 12 00:00:30,629 --> 00:00:33,369 and its stories and anecdotes 13 00:00:34,070 --> 00:00:35,450 and people we interview 14 00:00:35,989 --> 00:00:38,630 about their life post process and how it 15 00:00:38,630 --> 00:00:41,289 lives in the world radiating love. 16 00:00:52,125 --> 00:00:55,564 Hey, everybody. Welcome to the Hoffman podcast and 17 00:00:55,564 --> 00:00:57,344 our panel on life 18 00:00:57,750 --> 00:00:58,329 post process, 19 00:00:59,670 --> 00:01:01,609 including the integration weekend. 20 00:01:02,070 --> 00:01:04,390 Maybe you're listening to this before you've taken 21 00:01:04,390 --> 00:01:06,729 the process, or maybe you've just graduated, 22 00:01:07,509 --> 00:01:09,689 or maybe you're trying to get some help 23 00:01:09,829 --> 00:01:11,769 couple weeks after the process. 24 00:01:12,435 --> 00:01:14,834 Either way, we're glad you're here. We got 25 00:01:14,834 --> 00:01:17,015 a star studded panel, Steve, 26 00:01:17,954 --> 00:01:19,254 Zena, Kevin, 27 00:01:19,635 --> 00:01:20,534 all Hoffman 28 00:01:20,834 --> 00:01:22,055 teachers experienced 29 00:01:22,834 --> 00:01:23,814 in this journey 30 00:01:24,354 --> 00:01:25,814 in life post process. 31 00:01:26,719 --> 00:01:27,620 Welcome, everybody. 32 00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:31,040 Hey. Thanks, Drew. Good to be here. Glad 33 00:01:31,040 --> 00:01:33,680 to have you all here. Steve, I wanna 34 00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:36,400 just check-in with you first. Why are we 35 00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:38,260 having this conversation? What's 36 00:01:38,655 --> 00:01:39,875 what's so important 37 00:01:40,655 --> 00:01:43,454 about this post process weekend? Really, what this 38 00:01:43,454 --> 00:01:46,094 question speaks to, Drew, is the reality of 39 00:01:46,094 --> 00:01:48,355 the process is that it is a journey, 40 00:01:48,734 --> 00:01:50,575 a journey that you go on during the 41 00:01:50,575 --> 00:01:52,810 course of the week, but the a journey 42 00:01:52,810 --> 00:01:55,129 that you get to continue for the rest 43 00:01:55,129 --> 00:01:55,869 of your life. 44 00:01:56,170 --> 00:01:58,969 You know, the really important way of looking 45 00:01:58,969 --> 00:01:59,469 at 46 00:01:59,929 --> 00:02:03,289 personal growth, transformation, healing is that it's not 47 00:02:03,289 --> 00:02:04,429 a one time event. 48 00:02:04,915 --> 00:02:07,314 So the idea that you finished your seven 49 00:02:07,314 --> 00:02:08,055 day process 50 00:02:08,594 --> 00:02:10,194 and, therefore, you get to go back into 51 00:02:10,194 --> 00:02:11,094 your life and 52 00:02:11,474 --> 00:02:13,414 do the same things you've been doing forever 53 00:02:14,034 --> 00:02:15,735 is a really bad idea 54 00:02:16,275 --> 00:02:19,395 because that's not the way we're designed to 55 00:02:19,395 --> 00:02:22,080 evolve, grow, heal, all those things I mentioned. 56 00:02:22,080 --> 00:02:24,659 So we call the weekend after the process 57 00:02:24,719 --> 00:02:26,819 the integration weekend because your 58 00:02:27,520 --> 00:02:29,139 body, your mind, 59 00:02:29,439 --> 00:02:32,000 your emotions, and your spirit have been through 60 00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:33,780 a lot in the course of that week. 61 00:02:33,955 --> 00:02:36,615 And there is a coming home into yourself 62 00:02:36,834 --> 00:02:37,574 that can 63 00:02:38,114 --> 00:02:39,094 really be 64 00:02:39,395 --> 00:02:42,614 important to happen during the weekend. And so 65 00:02:42,754 --> 00:02:44,375 we have a whole set of instructions 66 00:02:45,074 --> 00:02:45,814 and best 67 00:02:46,379 --> 00:02:48,800 that you do during the weekend. But primarily, 68 00:02:48,860 --> 00:02:51,120 we want you to spend it by yourself 69 00:02:51,419 --> 00:02:52,159 in nature, 70 00:02:52,539 --> 00:02:56,300 eating nourishing things, not taking any substances unless 71 00:02:56,300 --> 00:02:59,180 they're currently prescribed, but no recreational drugs or 72 00:02:59,180 --> 00:03:02,745 anything like that. And allow yourself to reflect 73 00:03:02,745 --> 00:03:03,965 on, to contemplate, 74 00:03:04,264 --> 00:03:05,245 and to integrate 75 00:03:05,544 --> 00:03:07,805 these changes that have happened at a cellular 76 00:03:07,864 --> 00:03:09,164 level. And so 77 00:03:09,625 --> 00:03:10,764 jumping back into 78 00:03:11,064 --> 00:03:12,125 going to a concert 79 00:03:12,629 --> 00:03:15,189 Saturday after a process ends on Friday or 80 00:03:15,189 --> 00:03:17,129 going Friday night is not a good idea 81 00:03:17,509 --> 00:03:20,469 because it can impact your integration. That said, 82 00:03:20,469 --> 00:03:22,229 things happen. We'll talk a little bit later 83 00:03:22,229 --> 00:03:24,389 in the podcast about how to navigate when 84 00:03:24,389 --> 00:03:26,889 the unexpected or life just happens. 85 00:03:27,189 --> 00:03:28,365 But just holding it 86 00:03:28,844 --> 00:03:31,165 in the process as a journey that actually 87 00:03:31,165 --> 00:03:34,125 really begins that weekend, and it's this huge 88 00:03:34,125 --> 00:03:35,105 opportunity to 89 00:03:35,645 --> 00:03:38,444 change the way you move through life, you 90 00:03:38,444 --> 00:03:40,605 relate to yourself, and relate to the world. 91 00:03:40,605 --> 00:03:43,680 Beautiful. Zena, I wanna bring you in. Maybe 92 00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:46,259 you wanna reflect on your post process weekend 93 00:03:46,479 --> 00:03:46,979 or 94 00:03:47,280 --> 00:03:49,699 things you share with your students. But 95 00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:53,199 what's so important, and why are we even 96 00:03:53,199 --> 00:03:55,860 having this podcast? And what do you suggest 97 00:03:55,919 --> 00:03:56,580 in this 98 00:03:57,174 --> 00:03:58,634 life post process? 99 00:03:59,174 --> 00:04:01,495 So we oftentimes say that each step of 100 00:04:01,495 --> 00:04:03,995 the process builds on the step before it. 101 00:04:04,215 --> 00:04:06,775 And the integration weekend is very much a 102 00:04:06,775 --> 00:04:08,694 part of the process. It's just not critical 103 00:04:08,694 --> 00:04:09,914 a step in the process. 104 00:04:10,360 --> 00:04:12,439 You oftentimes get to a point by that 105 00:04:12,439 --> 00:04:13,979 Friday where you have 106 00:04:14,360 --> 00:04:17,959 gone deep, you have had quite a journey. 107 00:04:17,959 --> 00:04:19,899 You have uncovered a lot 108 00:04:20,439 --> 00:04:21,579 and it's oftentimes 109 00:04:22,040 --> 00:04:25,500 a tender space. It's oftentimes a vulnerable space. 110 00:04:25,975 --> 00:04:27,895 So to take those couple of days to 111 00:04:27,895 --> 00:04:30,455 just integrate and let all of that land 112 00:04:30,455 --> 00:04:33,415 and percolate is just so critical. A part 113 00:04:33,415 --> 00:04:34,235 of the process. 114 00:04:34,775 --> 00:04:36,694 I oftentimes tell students it's like trying to 115 00:04:36,694 --> 00:04:38,694 speed up a pregnancy. You just have to 116 00:04:38,694 --> 00:04:40,154 go through the actual 117 00:04:40,759 --> 00:04:43,800 steps. It's just a natural development. You can't 118 00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:45,100 get there faster. 119 00:04:45,560 --> 00:04:47,660 So those couple of days are so important. 120 00:04:47,720 --> 00:04:49,959 Like Steve said, yes, practice the tools and 121 00:04:49,959 --> 00:04:52,439 practices that you're given that weekend, but really 122 00:04:52,439 --> 00:04:54,540 much more so just to land 123 00:04:55,254 --> 00:04:56,555 and catch your breath 124 00:04:56,935 --> 00:04:58,694 and just be in this new space that 125 00:04:58,694 --> 00:04:59,435 you're in. 126 00:04:59,814 --> 00:05:01,655 I oftentimes tell my students that I what 127 00:05:01,655 --> 00:05:03,495 I wish somebody told me is that tender 128 00:05:03,495 --> 00:05:05,975 space actually lasts longer than just those couple 129 00:05:05,975 --> 00:05:08,214 of days. And that I wish somebody told 130 00:05:08,214 --> 00:05:09,529 me, you know, do not get on a 131 00:05:09,529 --> 00:05:11,129 party bus with 10 of your closest friends 132 00:05:11,129 --> 00:05:12,810 from abroad and go to a YouTube concert 133 00:05:12,810 --> 00:05:14,589 in New York all week because 134 00:05:15,050 --> 00:05:17,050 it was just an overload and attack on 135 00:05:17,050 --> 00:05:19,610 the senses. And just to give yourself space 136 00:05:19,610 --> 00:05:21,870 even those couple of weeks after the process 137 00:05:21,930 --> 00:05:22,750 to just 138 00:05:23,395 --> 00:05:25,634 land and cocoon if you need to and 139 00:05:25,634 --> 00:05:27,555 just have options in terms of give yourself 140 00:05:27,555 --> 00:05:28,535 what you need most. 141 00:05:28,915 --> 00:05:29,415 Fantastic. 142 00:05:29,795 --> 00:05:30,295 Certainly, 143 00:05:30,754 --> 00:05:33,074 fatigue is one of those things as well. 144 00:05:33,074 --> 00:05:33,574 Sleep 145 00:05:34,194 --> 00:05:35,495 will be a needed 146 00:05:35,875 --> 00:05:36,375 activity 147 00:05:36,675 --> 00:05:37,574 post process. 148 00:05:37,959 --> 00:05:39,959 But I wanna bring Kevin in here as 149 00:05:39,959 --> 00:05:40,459 the 150 00:05:40,919 --> 00:05:45,000 app czar. This conversation is being spread across 151 00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:46,459 two platforms, both 152 00:05:46,839 --> 00:05:47,579 the podcast 153 00:05:48,039 --> 00:05:48,539 and 154 00:05:48,839 --> 00:05:51,259 on the app. Kevin, what do you wanna 155 00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:53,419 add here on this important 156 00:05:53,935 --> 00:05:55,475 post process discussion? 157 00:05:56,095 --> 00:05:58,574 Just to echo everything that everyone has said 158 00:05:58,574 --> 00:06:00,595 is it is a the journey continues, 159 00:06:01,134 --> 00:06:02,654 and that's one of the reasons why we 160 00:06:02,654 --> 00:06:03,954 created the app is 161 00:06:04,254 --> 00:06:06,574 to help people remember all the tools and 162 00:06:06,574 --> 00:06:09,235 practices and give them a lot more access 163 00:06:10,209 --> 00:06:11,909 to over a 50 recordings 164 00:06:12,370 --> 00:06:14,849 and, you know, continuing to grow. The one 165 00:06:14,849 --> 00:06:16,930 thing I really wanna draw attention to is 166 00:06:16,930 --> 00:06:18,930 we have something we call our thirty day 167 00:06:18,930 --> 00:06:19,430 integration, 168 00:06:20,129 --> 00:06:21,729 and it starts on day zero. You know, 169 00:06:21,729 --> 00:06:23,509 the Friday you get out of the process, 170 00:06:24,214 --> 00:06:26,875 then there's different teachers that have done this. 171 00:06:26,935 --> 00:06:29,175 Over thirty days, we have a three to 172 00:06:29,175 --> 00:06:30,634 five minute little video 173 00:06:31,414 --> 00:06:32,154 that just 174 00:06:32,534 --> 00:06:35,595 reminding you about different aspects of the process 175 00:06:36,209 --> 00:06:38,550 and also have a quad check 176 00:06:38,850 --> 00:06:41,089 along with an appreciation and gratitude in the 177 00:06:41,089 --> 00:06:41,589 evening 178 00:06:41,970 --> 00:06:44,529 as a way to remember. It's like, oh, 179 00:06:44,529 --> 00:06:46,290 we get good at what we practice. And 180 00:06:46,290 --> 00:06:49,250 so let's practice being in that tender space. 181 00:06:49,250 --> 00:06:52,545 Let's practice being connected into spirit. Let's practice 182 00:06:53,085 --> 00:06:56,125 remembering that you're loved, loving, and lovable by 183 00:06:56,125 --> 00:06:57,425 having a little snippet 184 00:06:57,805 --> 00:07:00,045 each and every day. You know, we've got 185 00:07:00,045 --> 00:07:02,865 over 4,000 people on the app right now 186 00:07:03,004 --> 00:07:05,324 and, you know, continuing to grow. And what 187 00:07:05,324 --> 00:07:07,245 I know from talking to people after the 188 00:07:07,245 --> 00:07:07,745 process 189 00:07:08,259 --> 00:07:10,579 is that the ones who continue to follow-up 190 00:07:10,579 --> 00:07:11,959 with the tools and practices 191 00:07:12,339 --> 00:07:14,819 have a far better landing. Doesn't mean that 192 00:07:14,819 --> 00:07:17,219 life is perfect, but they can remember it's 193 00:07:17,219 --> 00:07:18,039 like, oh, 194 00:07:18,659 --> 00:07:21,399 I forgot about what happened on day five. 195 00:07:21,654 --> 00:07:22,935 You know? And so you get a chance 196 00:07:22,935 --> 00:07:25,654 to remember that twenty five days later and 197 00:07:25,654 --> 00:07:26,774 to be able to have just a little 198 00:07:26,774 --> 00:07:28,935 snippet each and every day. Yeah. You know, 199 00:07:29,095 --> 00:07:31,814 we don't wanna toot our own horns, but 200 00:07:31,814 --> 00:07:33,975 I'll say this. Grads don't know what they 201 00:07:33,975 --> 00:07:34,794 don't know. 202 00:07:36,210 --> 00:07:38,930 And as teachers, we know something. And part 203 00:07:38,930 --> 00:07:40,310 of what we've formulated 204 00:07:41,089 --> 00:07:43,189 is based on experience and feedback 205 00:07:43,650 --> 00:07:45,430 that we've gotten from students. 206 00:07:45,970 --> 00:07:48,610 What else would you add here, Steve, about 207 00:07:48,610 --> 00:07:49,750 this? You mentioned 208 00:07:50,474 --> 00:07:52,414 some other stuff you were gonna bring in. 209 00:07:52,954 --> 00:07:53,774 Not doing 210 00:07:54,954 --> 00:07:57,834 well, going against our recommendations. They're not rules. 211 00:07:57,834 --> 00:07:59,274 We want you to hold it lightly. These 212 00:07:59,274 --> 00:08:00,014 are guidelines. 213 00:08:00,474 --> 00:08:01,375 But for instance, 214 00:08:01,914 --> 00:08:03,914 not knowing when I did the process of 215 00:08:03,914 --> 00:08:04,654 how important, 216 00:08:05,189 --> 00:08:08,569 fruitful the integration weekend can be, I agreed 217 00:08:08,870 --> 00:08:10,470 after the process on Friday to go pick 218 00:08:10,470 --> 00:08:12,710 my kids up at school. That was okay. 219 00:08:12,710 --> 00:08:15,270 So I went and which is really sweet 220 00:08:15,270 --> 00:08:17,925 and awesome. And then we were scheduled to 221 00:08:17,925 --> 00:08:21,204 go to a 10 family campout nearby, which 222 00:08:21,204 --> 00:08:23,125 I went to and about an hour into 223 00:08:23,125 --> 00:08:25,604 it realized, oh my gosh, this is not 224 00:08:25,604 --> 00:08:28,245 the place for me. And so was able 225 00:08:28,245 --> 00:08:30,819 to course correct and go home and spend 226 00:08:30,819 --> 00:08:32,660 time by myself and do the tools and 227 00:08:32,660 --> 00:08:34,759 practices and do a bunch of recycling. 228 00:08:35,139 --> 00:08:37,700 So I was able to fix it. But, 229 00:08:37,700 --> 00:08:39,299 you know, I do know stories of people 230 00:08:39,299 --> 00:08:41,620 that do go to YouTube concerts or end 231 00:08:41,620 --> 00:08:43,720 up in big congregant settings. 232 00:08:44,095 --> 00:08:46,495 And it just slows down the pace of 233 00:08:46,495 --> 00:08:49,695 change that people have fought so hard and 234 00:08:49,695 --> 00:08:51,774 earned so deeply over the course of the 235 00:08:51,774 --> 00:08:52,274 week. 236 00:08:52,735 --> 00:08:53,634 Really holding 237 00:08:54,335 --> 00:08:56,595 that it is a journey, not a destination. 238 00:08:57,129 --> 00:08:59,049 We can set ourselves up as humans to 239 00:08:59,049 --> 00:09:00,970 think I did this big piece of work. 240 00:09:00,970 --> 00:09:02,350 Ah, the work is done. 241 00:09:02,730 --> 00:09:04,649 I can just go and forget about it. 242 00:09:04,649 --> 00:09:06,809 And so I really appreciate Kev talking about 243 00:09:06,809 --> 00:09:07,629 the little reminders 244 00:09:08,250 --> 00:09:10,409 because so much happens during the course of 245 00:09:10,409 --> 00:09:10,990 the process. 246 00:09:11,345 --> 00:09:12,165 It's impossible 247 00:09:12,545 --> 00:09:13,605 to hold it all 248 00:09:13,985 --> 00:09:16,144 in a coherent way, and that's why this 249 00:09:16,144 --> 00:09:19,264 time to reflect, journal, work on a vision 250 00:09:19,264 --> 00:09:21,445 for what you want with these new awarenesses 251 00:09:21,665 --> 00:09:23,585 and a new sense of being is really, 252 00:09:23,585 --> 00:09:24,965 it's a fruitful time 253 00:09:25,345 --> 00:09:26,165 to engage 254 00:09:26,889 --> 00:09:27,949 in what's next 255 00:09:28,409 --> 00:09:30,829 rather than just falling back into old ways. 256 00:09:31,049 --> 00:09:31,949 And we do 257 00:09:32,490 --> 00:09:35,529 give grabs a book, so pulling out that 258 00:09:35,529 --> 00:09:36,669 book might be 259 00:09:37,049 --> 00:09:39,144 something that can help you. We also have 260 00:09:39,144 --> 00:09:41,464 a segment on it on Friday where we 261 00:09:41,464 --> 00:09:44,264 talk about going home and mention all those 262 00:09:44,264 --> 00:09:46,044 things. What do you think 263 00:09:46,424 --> 00:09:50,044 students forget, Zaina? You know, what's important 264 00:09:50,504 --> 00:09:51,725 to bring in here 265 00:09:52,089 --> 00:09:54,730 and maybe from your experience as well? What 266 00:09:54,730 --> 00:09:56,889 I often say about my experience is that 267 00:09:56,889 --> 00:09:58,990 when I did Hoffman fifteen years ago, 268 00:09:59,450 --> 00:10:03,789 it was very much a jump start to, 269 00:10:04,404 --> 00:10:06,725 you know, living life on this right road 270 00:10:06,725 --> 00:10:08,964 with my spiritual self leading the way, but 271 00:10:08,964 --> 00:10:10,504 it was just a start. 272 00:10:11,044 --> 00:10:13,524 It's such a work in progress. One of 273 00:10:13,524 --> 00:10:15,524 the biggest gifts I got from Hoffman is 274 00:10:15,524 --> 00:10:17,605 this lightness of being that I didn't even 275 00:10:17,605 --> 00:10:19,740 know was missing in my life. The other 276 00:10:19,740 --> 00:10:21,500 big gift I got from Hoffman is a 277 00:10:21,500 --> 00:10:23,660 whole set of tools and practices that I 278 00:10:23,660 --> 00:10:25,040 use till this day 279 00:10:25,500 --> 00:10:27,519 because it is such a work in progress. 280 00:10:27,899 --> 00:10:29,660 You know, I often get the feedback from 281 00:10:29,660 --> 00:10:31,660 students that, oh, you have such snow white 282 00:10:31,660 --> 00:10:34,720 energy. You are so calming and grounded, etcetera. 283 00:10:34,975 --> 00:10:36,174 And I make it a point to stand 284 00:10:36,174 --> 00:10:37,455 up in front of the classroom and say, 285 00:10:37,455 --> 00:10:40,115 yes. And I also have incredible health energy. 286 00:10:40,575 --> 00:10:42,835 And now I know what tools and practices 287 00:10:43,294 --> 00:10:46,195 help support me in coming back to center. 288 00:10:46,654 --> 00:10:48,894 And I oftentimes say it's in those moments 289 00:10:48,894 --> 00:10:50,240 where I kind of 290 00:10:50,700 --> 00:10:53,580 lose sight most of that best self, that 291 00:10:53,580 --> 00:10:56,299 spiritual self that I am. I've learned to 292 00:10:56,299 --> 00:10:59,500 have my three go to practices, and I 293 00:10:59,500 --> 00:11:02,059 often tell students have those three when you're 294 00:11:02,059 --> 00:11:03,120 not seeing straight. 295 00:11:03,500 --> 00:11:05,120 This is what gets me back. 296 00:11:05,485 --> 00:11:07,644 And just know ahead of time, this is 297 00:11:07,644 --> 00:11:09,245 what I'm gonna go to when I'm not 298 00:11:09,245 --> 00:11:10,845 seeing straight and I have lost sight of 299 00:11:10,845 --> 00:11:11,345 myself 300 00:11:11,804 --> 00:11:13,884 most. You know, I'll never forget my teacher 301 00:11:13,884 --> 00:11:16,684 telling actually the whole class fifteen years ago 302 00:11:16,684 --> 00:11:19,085 when I did this. Now you've seen the 303 00:11:19,085 --> 00:11:19,585 sun. 304 00:11:20,220 --> 00:11:23,179 Now you have connected to your authentic self, 305 00:11:23,179 --> 00:11:24,959 your true self, your essence, 306 00:11:25,500 --> 00:11:28,059 and the clouds will come. And you won't 307 00:11:28,059 --> 00:11:30,620 see the sun again, but you know the 308 00:11:30,620 --> 00:11:31,679 sun is there. 309 00:11:32,004 --> 00:11:34,024 And now you have the tools and practices 310 00:11:34,164 --> 00:11:36,904 to help clear those clouds to reconnect. 311 00:11:37,924 --> 00:11:40,985 So like Kevin was saying, repetition and practice 312 00:11:41,204 --> 00:11:44,004 is so critical on this journey. You're not 313 00:11:44,004 --> 00:11:46,644 you're not done after this week. You're just 314 00:11:46,644 --> 00:11:47,144 beginning. 315 00:11:47,789 --> 00:11:49,889 Part of what you're doing there is normalizing 316 00:11:50,429 --> 00:11:50,929 the 317 00:11:51,470 --> 00:11:55,549 struggles, normalizing cloud cover. It's not a rare 318 00:11:55,549 --> 00:11:56,049 event. 319 00:11:56,909 --> 00:11:59,389 Skies are blue and skies are gray with 320 00:11:59,389 --> 00:12:00,690 clouds. And, 321 00:12:01,074 --> 00:12:03,954 Kevin, often students blame themselves or think they 322 00:12:03,954 --> 00:12:05,894 failed the process when patterns 323 00:12:06,434 --> 00:12:10,034 or dark side messages come in, dark side 324 00:12:10,034 --> 00:12:10,534 attacks. 325 00:12:11,315 --> 00:12:13,315 It's all very much a part of living, 326 00:12:13,315 --> 00:12:14,134 isn't it? 327 00:12:14,440 --> 00:12:17,080 It's very much part of living. And I 328 00:12:17,080 --> 00:12:19,399 guess you we'd really try to normalize it, 329 00:12:19,399 --> 00:12:21,160 not just within, you know, this thirty day 330 00:12:21,160 --> 00:12:24,040 integration on the app, but also especially on 331 00:12:24,040 --> 00:12:25,500 the Friday of the process 332 00:12:26,040 --> 00:12:26,540 is 333 00:12:27,160 --> 00:12:29,019 it is going to be rough. 334 00:12:29,404 --> 00:12:31,004 You know, Liz, one of our teachers, I've 335 00:12:31,004 --> 00:12:32,605 heard her say this many times, like, to 336 00:12:32,605 --> 00:12:33,825 integrate is to pendulate. 337 00:12:34,445 --> 00:12:36,044 Coming into the process, we're on our left 338 00:12:36,044 --> 00:12:37,644 road, you swing way over to the right 339 00:12:37,644 --> 00:12:38,144 road, 340 00:12:38,924 --> 00:12:39,424 beautiful, 341 00:12:39,725 --> 00:12:42,044 connected to our authentic being in this nice 342 00:12:42,044 --> 00:12:43,424 little love bubble cocoon. 343 00:12:43,940 --> 00:12:46,120 You go out into your default world 344 00:12:46,500 --> 00:12:48,759 and life hits you in the face sometimes, 345 00:12:49,620 --> 00:12:52,019 and you're going to pendulate over to the 346 00:12:52,019 --> 00:12:52,919 left road. 347 00:12:53,539 --> 00:12:57,639 And it's like, that's normal. That is absolutely 348 00:12:58,100 --> 00:13:01,014 normal. It's about how do I meet that. 349 00:13:01,014 --> 00:13:02,934 You know, I know for me doing the 350 00:13:02,934 --> 00:13:03,434 process, 351 00:13:03,975 --> 00:13:05,334 I did a tricky thing. I thought, you 352 00:13:05,334 --> 00:13:06,774 know, I need to test to make sure 353 00:13:06,774 --> 00:13:08,615 this really is going to work. I did 354 00:13:08,615 --> 00:13:10,714 everything that was prescribed except for 355 00:13:11,014 --> 00:13:13,629 I didn't recycle any of the patterns about 356 00:13:13,629 --> 00:13:15,309 going home because if it really worked, I 357 00:13:15,309 --> 00:13:17,709 shouldn't need to. And as soon as I 358 00:13:17,709 --> 00:13:19,870 step through the door, there is this vicious 359 00:13:19,870 --> 00:13:21,089 cycle that just 360 00:13:21,709 --> 00:13:24,110 hit me right in the face, and it 361 00:13:24,110 --> 00:13:24,769 was like, 362 00:13:25,149 --> 00:13:26,754 oh, nothing worked, and it just went into 363 00:13:26,754 --> 00:13:29,414 this big shame spiral. And I actually left. 364 00:13:29,794 --> 00:13:31,894 I turned around, walked out of the house 365 00:13:32,034 --> 00:13:32,774 in tears, 366 00:13:33,714 --> 00:13:36,834 drove off, and then okay. What are some 367 00:13:36,834 --> 00:13:38,434 of those tools that I remember? And I 368 00:13:38,434 --> 00:13:40,100 was like, oh, yeah. I didn't do any 369 00:13:40,100 --> 00:13:41,899 of the recycling because I wanted to test 370 00:13:41,899 --> 00:13:43,659 to make sure that it works. So sometimes 371 00:13:43,659 --> 00:13:45,580 our intellect can get in the way, at 372 00:13:45,580 --> 00:13:46,799 least for me it did. 373 00:13:47,259 --> 00:13:48,940 Do I really have to do this? If 374 00:13:48,940 --> 00:13:51,740 this really was so transformed, I shouldn't have 375 00:13:51,740 --> 00:13:53,355 to do any of this stuff. And the 376 00:13:53,355 --> 00:13:55,434 fact is is seven days is a short 377 00:13:55,434 --> 00:13:56,495 period of time. 378 00:13:56,875 --> 00:13:58,235 We do get to see the sun in 379 00:13:58,235 --> 00:13:59,695 our own light and our authenticity, 380 00:14:00,794 --> 00:14:03,294 and we still have to do the work. 381 00:14:03,434 --> 00:14:05,195 And that was a huge wake up call 382 00:14:05,195 --> 00:14:07,034 for me. I tell a few classes about 383 00:14:07,034 --> 00:14:08,254 that as well. But, 384 00:14:08,570 --> 00:14:10,889 yeah, sometimes you think we fail just because 385 00:14:10,889 --> 00:14:12,269 we fall down, and 386 00:14:12,730 --> 00:14:14,750 we learn by getting back up. 387 00:14:15,129 --> 00:14:17,690 Yeah. I love that point, Kevin. And and 388 00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:20,029 building on the cloudy day from you, Zena, 389 00:14:20,570 --> 00:14:23,389 one thing the process did for me was 390 00:14:24,654 --> 00:14:27,315 it helped me to organize and heal 391 00:14:27,615 --> 00:14:30,115 all of these belief systems and truths, 392 00:14:30,575 --> 00:14:32,495 quote, unquote, that I had about who I 393 00:14:32,495 --> 00:14:34,654 am and the way the world works. And 394 00:14:34,654 --> 00:14:36,654 so now when there's a cloudy day, I'm 395 00:14:36,654 --> 00:14:38,595 in a place to look for the gift 396 00:14:38,639 --> 00:14:41,440 in the cloudy day, to look for and 397 00:14:41,440 --> 00:14:43,600 see, hey, is there something else that needs 398 00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:45,440 healing that is out of my awareness that 399 00:14:45,440 --> 00:14:47,700 I get to now move through? 400 00:14:48,080 --> 00:14:50,559 And so that speaks to this idea that 401 00:14:50,559 --> 00:14:52,960 the work's not done even for Hoffman teachers. 402 00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:53,620 We're continually 403 00:14:54,424 --> 00:14:56,044 seeing what needs attendance. 404 00:14:56,824 --> 00:14:59,964 The process provided me with the permission 405 00:15:00,345 --> 00:15:01,084 to actually 406 00:15:01,544 --> 00:15:02,445 get on the journey. 407 00:15:02,824 --> 00:15:04,764 Such a gift that continues to unfold 408 00:15:05,225 --> 00:15:07,784 even if my integration weekend didn't go as 409 00:15:07,784 --> 00:15:08,284 prescribed. 410 00:15:09,299 --> 00:15:12,259 Yeah. Kevin and you all, Steve, are talking 411 00:15:12,259 --> 00:15:15,159 about part of this is that grads feel 412 00:15:15,460 --> 00:15:16,200 so good. 413 00:15:16,740 --> 00:15:18,039 Yes. There's some anxiety, 414 00:15:18,340 --> 00:15:21,559 but there's a real high that can happen, 415 00:15:22,100 --> 00:15:22,600 and 416 00:15:22,899 --> 00:15:24,360 that can be wonderful 417 00:15:25,334 --> 00:15:26,315 and problematic 418 00:15:27,334 --> 00:15:29,815 because it can give you the illusion of 419 00:15:29,815 --> 00:15:30,315 invincibility, 420 00:15:31,735 --> 00:15:34,315 when in fact, you're actually deeply 421 00:15:34,774 --> 00:15:35,274 vulnerable. 422 00:15:36,134 --> 00:15:38,315 There's a porous nature to 423 00:15:38,929 --> 00:15:41,169 what you've been. And when you come off 424 00:15:41,169 --> 00:15:41,990 of the process, 425 00:15:42,690 --> 00:15:45,589 life can feel loud, can it? Life can 426 00:15:45,809 --> 00:15:49,089 feel busy, like everybody's talking loudly and moving 427 00:15:49,089 --> 00:15:52,289 fast, and it's surprising. Wouldn't you all say 428 00:15:52,289 --> 00:15:54,975 there's a surprise nature to it? It's very 429 00:15:54,975 --> 00:15:57,215 much a surprise. And even now as a 430 00:15:57,215 --> 00:15:57,715 teacher, 431 00:15:58,414 --> 00:16:00,894 you know, going on eight years, I still 432 00:16:00,894 --> 00:16:02,995 take time in the integration weekend 433 00:16:03,774 --> 00:16:05,154 coming out of teaching. 434 00:16:05,535 --> 00:16:07,315 I still do a dark side bash 435 00:16:07,774 --> 00:16:09,315 each time that I teach. 436 00:16:09,940 --> 00:16:12,180 You know, I still use the same tools 437 00:16:12,180 --> 00:16:15,540 and practices and take time to integrate back 438 00:16:15,540 --> 00:16:17,940 because I'm operating at a different speed. My 439 00:16:17,940 --> 00:16:19,320 heart is so open 440 00:16:19,700 --> 00:16:22,600 in a different, very vulnerable, tender way. 441 00:16:22,995 --> 00:16:23,495 That 442 00:16:23,955 --> 00:16:25,955 is different speed of the rest of the 443 00:16:25,955 --> 00:16:27,495 world. Even driving, 444 00:16:27,955 --> 00:16:31,154 be extra careful driving as I leave the 445 00:16:31,154 --> 00:16:32,375 process. It just, 446 00:16:33,634 --> 00:16:36,434 I just I remember each time I teach, 447 00:16:36,434 --> 00:16:37,495 it's like, oh, 448 00:16:37,889 --> 00:16:40,389 I need to be really easy with myself. 449 00:16:41,170 --> 00:16:43,410 So even eight years in, you're not immune 450 00:16:43,410 --> 00:16:45,350 from some of the dynamics that 451 00:16:45,970 --> 00:16:46,950 students face? 452 00:16:47,410 --> 00:16:48,690 Not at all. But I also find it's 453 00:16:48,690 --> 00:16:50,370 one of my most creative times as well. 454 00:16:50,370 --> 00:16:51,649 That's one of the reasons why I take 455 00:16:51,649 --> 00:16:52,470 more space 456 00:16:52,804 --> 00:16:54,404 is I tend to write, I tend to 457 00:16:54,404 --> 00:16:55,704 journal, I tend to have 458 00:16:56,004 --> 00:16:57,704 many more creative ideas 459 00:16:58,245 --> 00:17:01,524 afterwards because I've unplugged from the world and 460 00:17:01,524 --> 00:17:03,365 all of the other work, anything else that 461 00:17:03,365 --> 00:17:05,924 I have in my life, connected deeply to 462 00:17:05,924 --> 00:17:08,700 spirit. And from there, I find my creativity 463 00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:11,500 is just on a completely different level. 464 00:17:11,880 --> 00:17:14,599 So I savor that time over the over 465 00:17:14,599 --> 00:17:15,900 that integration weekend. 466 00:17:16,359 --> 00:17:18,599 Zena, you wanna jump in here? Yeah. I 467 00:17:18,599 --> 00:17:19,819 just wanted to 468 00:17:20,474 --> 00:17:22,154 underline a little bit of what we're saying 469 00:17:22,154 --> 00:17:24,954 that, yes, using the tools and practices and 470 00:17:24,954 --> 00:17:26,494 the thirty day app, etcetera. 471 00:17:26,875 --> 00:17:28,414 For me, the key ingredient 472 00:17:28,795 --> 00:17:30,494 that I want people to 473 00:17:30,875 --> 00:17:33,934 take away from this is having self compassion. 474 00:17:34,639 --> 00:17:37,839 It is such a critical part of using 475 00:17:37,839 --> 00:17:38,980 the tools and practices 476 00:17:39,759 --> 00:17:42,179 of life after Hoffman of life. Generally, 477 00:17:42,559 --> 00:17:45,359 I'll be honest. I left my process and 478 00:17:45,359 --> 00:17:47,039 did not jump into using the tools and 479 00:17:47,039 --> 00:17:48,019 practices immediately, 480 00:17:48,365 --> 00:17:50,605 Partly because I was doing EMDR therapy that 481 00:17:50,605 --> 00:17:52,605 I'd never kind of delved into before, but 482 00:17:52,605 --> 00:17:54,605 partly because of my patterns, my all or 483 00:17:54,605 --> 00:17:56,684 nothing pattern and my, I don't need anybody. 484 00:17:56,684 --> 00:17:58,365 I can take care of this pattern. And 485 00:17:58,365 --> 00:17:59,984 here I am fifteen years later 486 00:18:00,285 --> 00:18:02,205 as a Hoffman teacher. And I say that 487 00:18:02,205 --> 00:18:04,250 not to follow my example, 488 00:18:05,109 --> 00:18:07,109 but I feel like so often I talk 489 00:18:07,109 --> 00:18:09,609 to students who really beat themselves up for 490 00:18:09,830 --> 00:18:12,150 not using the tools and practices so often 491 00:18:12,150 --> 00:18:14,089 or not doing them the right way or 492 00:18:14,789 --> 00:18:17,609 self compassion is such a key ingredient 493 00:18:17,990 --> 00:18:18,490 in 494 00:18:18,805 --> 00:18:22,244 how you integrate Hoffman into your life. To 495 00:18:22,244 --> 00:18:25,285 just love yourself through the ups and downs, 496 00:18:25,285 --> 00:18:27,125 whether you're you're using the tools, when you 497 00:18:27,125 --> 00:18:29,125 decide to use the tools and practices to 498 00:18:29,125 --> 00:18:30,724 not do it in a way that you're 499 00:18:30,724 --> 00:18:33,130 beating yourself up. The last thing we want 500 00:18:33,130 --> 00:18:34,970 for you is to have hundreds of new 501 00:18:34,970 --> 00:18:36,589 ways to beat yourself up, 502 00:18:36,970 --> 00:18:38,970 hundreds of new words to use, hundreds of 503 00:18:38,970 --> 00:18:41,849 new patterns rather than just coming to this 504 00:18:41,849 --> 00:18:44,250 from a place of self love and ease 505 00:18:44,250 --> 00:18:45,470 and grace for yourself. 506 00:18:45,930 --> 00:18:48,384 Yeah. That self compassion is critical. 507 00:18:48,765 --> 00:18:52,285 Steve. Yeah. And that self compassion, which is 508 00:18:52,285 --> 00:18:54,545 so key, is a way to 509 00:18:55,005 --> 00:18:55,505 feel 510 00:18:56,684 --> 00:18:59,005 what I'm not willing to acknowledge typically that 511 00:18:59,005 --> 00:19:00,065 I'm in some pain 512 00:19:00,460 --> 00:19:01,759 or there's some suffering. 513 00:19:02,140 --> 00:19:03,500 But what that can do is it can 514 00:19:03,500 --> 00:19:04,480 help metabolize 515 00:19:04,860 --> 00:19:05,600 the emotions 516 00:19:06,299 --> 00:19:08,539 and give you information about what you might 517 00:19:08,539 --> 00:19:10,720 need, but it helps us to become embodied. 518 00:19:10,860 --> 00:19:13,420 That's such a huge part of the process 519 00:19:13,420 --> 00:19:15,200 is becoming spirit embodied. 520 00:19:15,654 --> 00:19:16,714 I love the saying, 521 00:19:17,095 --> 00:19:19,035 wisdom is knowledge embodied. 522 00:19:19,734 --> 00:19:22,775 And so during that integration weekend, this ability 523 00:19:22,775 --> 00:19:24,775 to settle in, to allow the work to 524 00:19:24,775 --> 00:19:27,275 percolate down where the spirit meets the bones 525 00:19:27,575 --> 00:19:30,375 is the opportunity to become more embodied rather 526 00:19:30,375 --> 00:19:32,740 than jumping out and going back into life. 527 00:19:32,740 --> 00:19:34,740 And so that's one of the other big 528 00:19:34,740 --> 00:19:36,200 through lines of the process 529 00:19:36,740 --> 00:19:38,660 is how can I become more embodied and 530 00:19:38,660 --> 00:19:40,819 tap into my wisdom, tap into my pain 531 00:19:40,819 --> 00:19:42,819 to Zana's point? How can I recognize the 532 00:19:42,819 --> 00:19:45,924 suffering when my intellect just wants to come 533 00:19:45,924 --> 00:19:48,105 up with some excuse to avoid 534 00:19:48,644 --> 00:19:50,105 it? Yeah. And the process 535 00:19:50,565 --> 00:19:52,984 goes so quickly, speaking of intellect, 536 00:19:53,285 --> 00:19:54,744 is sometimes the weekend 537 00:19:55,365 --> 00:19:58,265 is that in a way helping the intellect 538 00:19:58,644 --> 00:19:59,144 understand 539 00:20:00,079 --> 00:20:01,779 what the heck just happened. 540 00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:05,440 It lets the body, the spirit, the intellect, 541 00:20:05,440 --> 00:20:06,660 and the emotional self 542 00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:07,940 catch up 543 00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:09,779 and make sense of 544 00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:11,220 the intense 545 00:20:11,519 --> 00:20:13,380 seven days that that quadrinity 546 00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:14,500 just experienced. 547 00:20:15,424 --> 00:20:17,904 Yeah, absolutely. You know, something else that I 548 00:20:17,904 --> 00:20:19,525 found it very, very helpful 549 00:20:20,224 --> 00:20:22,484 is my life is my responsibility. 550 00:20:23,105 --> 00:20:23,845 That is 551 00:20:24,144 --> 00:20:27,265 the most rich four pages, I think, in 552 00:20:27,265 --> 00:20:28,484 that entire booklet. 553 00:20:29,130 --> 00:20:31,609 I've reread that several different times. I was 554 00:20:31,609 --> 00:20:33,369 blown away. I remember sitting down in the 555 00:20:33,369 --> 00:20:35,230 back deck just reading that, 556 00:20:35,769 --> 00:20:37,390 and I had never considered 557 00:20:38,410 --> 00:20:41,230 probably three quarters of what was in there. 558 00:20:41,474 --> 00:20:43,474 And, you know, talk about intellect catching up. 559 00:20:43,474 --> 00:20:45,095 It's like, oh, yeah. 560 00:20:45,795 --> 00:20:48,434 And there's also it's like, intellect, this is 561 00:20:48,434 --> 00:20:49,654 not all your responsibility. 562 00:20:50,914 --> 00:20:52,914 You know, it's spirit so much in their 563 00:20:52,914 --> 00:20:55,015 bodies in there. You know, the whole quadrinity, 564 00:20:55,640 --> 00:20:57,240 you know, is in there. It's like, oh, 565 00:20:57,240 --> 00:20:57,980 and from 566 00:20:58,440 --> 00:20:59,580 reading it after 567 00:21:00,039 --> 00:21:00,539 embodying 568 00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:01,340 spirit, 569 00:21:01,880 --> 00:21:04,140 I just found that just incredibly 570 00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:06,759 helpful. And I know at different times when 571 00:21:06,759 --> 00:21:08,840 I've struggled, I've gone back and read some 572 00:21:08,840 --> 00:21:11,000 of those pages again. My life is my 573 00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:12,035 responsibility. The 574 00:21:13,215 --> 00:21:14,855 other big tool that I continue to use 575 00:21:14,855 --> 00:21:16,195 out of that or a practice 576 00:21:16,894 --> 00:21:20,174 is the self love, self forgiveness walk, you 577 00:21:20,174 --> 00:21:21,795 know, going through challenging times. 578 00:21:22,174 --> 00:21:22,674 And 579 00:21:23,855 --> 00:21:25,855 it's an embody and more embodied way of 580 00:21:25,855 --> 00:21:26,835 self compassion, 581 00:21:27,409 --> 00:21:29,349 I find it's like, you know, just physically 582 00:21:29,409 --> 00:21:32,309 writing things down, getting it out of me, 583 00:21:32,369 --> 00:21:33,109 seeing it, 584 00:21:33,649 --> 00:21:35,669 and then taking her a walk 585 00:21:36,049 --> 00:21:38,289 and then being able to let go of 586 00:21:38,289 --> 00:21:40,609 it, you know, in a much more embodied 587 00:21:40,609 --> 00:21:42,049 way. I'm glad you brought that in there, 588 00:21:42,049 --> 00:21:44,235 Steve. So those are two big things that 589 00:21:44,235 --> 00:21:46,715 I remember. And we'll put in the show 590 00:21:46,715 --> 00:21:47,215 notes 591 00:21:47,674 --> 00:21:49,994 some links to part of what we're talking 592 00:21:49,994 --> 00:21:52,735 about here so that if people have questions, 593 00:21:52,795 --> 00:21:54,975 what was the self love and self forgiveness 594 00:21:55,115 --> 00:21:56,255 walk? What was 595 00:21:56,630 --> 00:21:58,410 that my life is my responsibility? 596 00:21:59,110 --> 00:22:01,850 But, Zena, you mentioned something about don't do 597 00:22:01,910 --> 00:22:04,789 it because you have to. I was thinking 598 00:22:04,789 --> 00:22:07,210 about the first day. We talk about surrender 599 00:22:07,269 --> 00:22:08,090 and submission 600 00:22:08,884 --> 00:22:11,284 and live your life post process from a 601 00:22:11,284 --> 00:22:13,684 place of surrender. All the things you learned 602 00:22:13,684 --> 00:22:16,264 during the week, not because you had to, 603 00:22:16,724 --> 00:22:18,804 but because this is what you wanted for 604 00:22:18,804 --> 00:22:19,544 your life. 605 00:22:20,004 --> 00:22:22,504 What else would we bring into the world 606 00:22:22,565 --> 00:22:23,304 for grads? 607 00:22:23,950 --> 00:22:25,309 You know, one thing that you touched on, 608 00:22:25,309 --> 00:22:27,390 Drew, at the very beginning about catching up 609 00:22:27,390 --> 00:22:28,910 on sleep in the integration week, and I 610 00:22:28,910 --> 00:22:31,230 almost wish we had this part of our 611 00:22:31,230 --> 00:22:33,789 official list of tools and practices, just how 612 00:22:33,789 --> 00:22:36,430 important sleep is. In one sleep seminar, I 613 00:22:36,430 --> 00:22:37,730 attended our amygdala 614 00:22:38,029 --> 00:22:40,164 responsible for that fight, flight, freeze. You know, 615 00:22:40,164 --> 00:22:43,205 the four f's mode is up to 60% 616 00:22:43,205 --> 00:22:44,025 more activated 617 00:22:44,565 --> 00:22:46,325 when we don't get enough sleep. You know, 618 00:22:46,325 --> 00:22:47,445 I make it a point to share it 619 00:22:47,445 --> 00:22:49,045 with the students that I work with, but 620 00:22:49,045 --> 00:22:52,005 just how important sleep is in supporting us 621 00:22:52,005 --> 00:22:53,279 in using the tools and 622 00:22:53,759 --> 00:22:56,720 supporting us in staying connected to our authentic 623 00:22:56,720 --> 00:22:58,420 self and the place that's embodied 624 00:22:58,960 --> 00:23:01,279 and calm and grounded. That's something that I 625 00:23:01,279 --> 00:23:02,960 would love to kind of put out there 626 00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:04,099 right now, to be honest. 627 00:23:04,400 --> 00:23:06,480 We ask for a reason how many hours 628 00:23:06,480 --> 00:23:09,275 you got during the week. It's important. It's 629 00:23:09,275 --> 00:23:10,095 that important. 630 00:23:10,474 --> 00:23:13,195 So keep up that sleep practice as we 631 00:23:13,195 --> 00:23:15,855 go. Yeah. I think sleep is key and 632 00:23:16,315 --> 00:23:18,414 setting up a realistic expectation 633 00:23:18,955 --> 00:23:19,455 that 634 00:23:19,829 --> 00:23:22,089 you might be a little emotionally dysregulated 635 00:23:22,470 --> 00:23:24,789 that weekend. I like to tell students you 636 00:23:24,789 --> 00:23:26,009 might giggle whimper. 637 00:23:26,470 --> 00:23:27,849 Did you say giggle whimper? 638 00:23:28,150 --> 00:23:31,849 Giggle whimper. Yeah. Where you are just dysregulated. 639 00:23:32,394 --> 00:23:34,795 All the feels are flowing through you. And 640 00:23:34,795 --> 00:23:36,954 that's not a sign that you're failing the 641 00:23:36,954 --> 00:23:37,454 process. 642 00:23:38,315 --> 00:23:41,194 The process is a master class in healthy 643 00:23:41,194 --> 00:23:41,694 intimacy 644 00:23:42,394 --> 00:23:45,054 with yourself, with the human condition, with others, 645 00:23:45,730 --> 00:23:46,549 you name it. 646 00:23:46,849 --> 00:23:49,669 And so there can be some withdrawal 647 00:23:50,289 --> 00:23:52,069 coming out of that. And so 648 00:23:52,609 --> 00:23:55,169 being ready to come back into yourself and 649 00:23:55,169 --> 00:23:57,409 being fine with that and recognizing you now 650 00:23:57,409 --> 00:24:00,914 know how to self disclose and self advocate 651 00:24:00,974 --> 00:24:02,654 and all of these things that we didn't 652 00:24:02,654 --> 00:24:05,214 learn as kids and had to relearn in 653 00:24:05,214 --> 00:24:05,875 the process 654 00:24:06,654 --> 00:24:07,315 can then 655 00:24:08,015 --> 00:24:09,634 set you on the course to 656 00:24:10,335 --> 00:24:11,954 create the life that you want. 657 00:24:12,660 --> 00:24:14,519 Working on a vision for your life. 658 00:24:14,900 --> 00:24:17,400 My wife and I, we revisit our visions 659 00:24:17,940 --> 00:24:20,740 for our lives every new moon. So 12 660 00:24:20,740 --> 00:24:23,380 times a year, we do that. And we 661 00:24:23,380 --> 00:24:25,299 marvel at, oh my god. Blah blah blah 662 00:24:25,299 --> 00:24:26,360 blah. It all happened. 663 00:24:26,684 --> 00:24:29,085 How can we come more deeply into love 664 00:24:29,085 --> 00:24:31,565 for ourselves and each other? So you're in 665 00:24:31,565 --> 00:24:33,404 a very fertile space coming out of the 666 00:24:33,404 --> 00:24:35,724 process, so use it. I wanna bring in 667 00:24:35,724 --> 00:24:38,924 and ask you all. We say, remember when 668 00:24:38,924 --> 00:24:40,704 you go out into the world, 669 00:24:41,130 --> 00:24:42,910 it's you who has changed. 670 00:24:43,369 --> 00:24:45,930 And so what are we saying there? Why 671 00:24:45,930 --> 00:24:46,509 do we 672 00:24:46,890 --> 00:24:49,289 tell students that? What do we mean by 673 00:24:49,289 --> 00:24:51,950 that? Well, not expecting other people to 674 00:24:52,570 --> 00:24:55,205 change for us or that we are going 675 00:24:55,205 --> 00:24:57,205 to change them. One of the things that 676 00:24:57,205 --> 00:24:58,904 I I use around this is 677 00:24:59,285 --> 00:25:00,984 seeing the little one in me 678 00:25:01,525 --> 00:25:04,244 and seeing the little one in somebody else. 679 00:25:04,244 --> 00:25:05,865 When I see somebody acting 680 00:25:06,164 --> 00:25:06,664 uncharacteristically 681 00:25:07,525 --> 00:25:09,869 or, oh, that reminds me of a five 682 00:25:09,869 --> 00:25:13,309 year old is remembering that within everyone, there's 683 00:25:13,309 --> 00:25:14,690 a little kid that's hurt. 684 00:25:15,309 --> 00:25:16,990 We're reminding that it's like, how can I 685 00:25:16,990 --> 00:25:18,829 give somebody else some grace and at the 686 00:25:18,829 --> 00:25:20,849 same time, set up some good healthy boundaries 687 00:25:21,230 --> 00:25:22,750 the same way we need to do with 688 00:25:22,750 --> 00:25:23,490 young kids? 689 00:25:23,934 --> 00:25:26,095 When somebody else is dysregulated, how do we 690 00:25:26,095 --> 00:25:28,335 set a good healthy boundary versus shaming and 691 00:25:28,335 --> 00:25:30,494 scolding them? So that's one of the things. 692 00:25:30,494 --> 00:25:32,275 And I have my 693 00:25:32,575 --> 00:25:33,875 younger self pictures 694 00:25:34,654 --> 00:25:37,134 still actually taped to my monitor to remind 695 00:25:37,134 --> 00:25:39,640 myself. One is a six month old and 696 00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:41,420 one is a eight year old. 697 00:25:41,880 --> 00:25:43,179 When I get dysregulated, 698 00:25:44,119 --> 00:25:46,279 I try to just ask myself, how old 699 00:25:46,279 --> 00:25:48,839 do I feel? And then just give love 700 00:25:48,839 --> 00:25:50,220 to that little one. 701 00:25:50,519 --> 00:25:52,539 Because sometimes I find it hard to give 702 00:25:52,679 --> 00:25:55,019 love and compassion to myself as an adult. 703 00:25:55,715 --> 00:25:57,394 But when I look at that little six 704 00:25:57,394 --> 00:26:01,255 month old chubby smiley face, it's like, oh, 705 00:26:02,035 --> 00:26:04,035 I can give that little guy a lot 706 00:26:04,035 --> 00:26:06,035 of love. And for the eight year old, 707 00:26:06,035 --> 00:26:07,795 I can remember a lot of the pain 708 00:26:07,795 --> 00:26:08,695 that was there, 709 00:26:09,099 --> 00:26:11,259 and I can just love that guy. And 710 00:26:11,259 --> 00:26:11,759 so 711 00:26:12,059 --> 00:26:13,500 if I can do that for myself, I 712 00:26:13,500 --> 00:26:15,919 can certainly do that for others 713 00:26:16,379 --> 00:26:18,619 while also keeping a good healthy boundary with 714 00:26:18,619 --> 00:26:19,119 them. 715 00:26:19,579 --> 00:26:21,119 Nice. That emotional 716 00:26:22,255 --> 00:26:24,674 child photo. Steve, what were you gonna add? 717 00:26:25,054 --> 00:26:25,554 Yeah. 718 00:26:25,855 --> 00:26:28,515 People don't change because you did the process. 719 00:26:28,894 --> 00:26:29,394 Your 720 00:26:29,855 --> 00:26:32,194 posture towards them might change. Your 721 00:26:32,494 --> 00:26:34,974 insights, your wishes for ways in which they 722 00:26:34,974 --> 00:26:37,710 might change probably become pretty apparent. 723 00:26:38,109 --> 00:26:39,789 But I think it's really important that we 724 00:26:39,789 --> 00:26:40,529 say sometimes 725 00:26:41,390 --> 00:26:43,950 people or events happen while you're at the 726 00:26:43,950 --> 00:26:44,450 process 727 00:26:45,149 --> 00:26:47,789 that are challenging when you come out of 728 00:26:47,789 --> 00:26:48,369 the process. 729 00:26:48,909 --> 00:26:51,470 I've had students run into all sorts of 730 00:26:51,470 --> 00:26:52,369 life circumstances 731 00:26:53,154 --> 00:26:55,875 and weren't able to engage in the integration 732 00:26:55,875 --> 00:26:58,115 weekend at all. And yet we're able to 733 00:26:58,115 --> 00:27:00,275 carve out some time a little bit after 734 00:27:00,275 --> 00:27:00,775 that 735 00:27:01,154 --> 00:27:03,075 to dive into the work. So I think 736 00:27:03,075 --> 00:27:05,875 it's important that everyone listening realize there's not 737 00:27:05,875 --> 00:27:07,174 a formula here. 738 00:27:07,639 --> 00:27:10,519 And if things do go pear shaped, as 739 00:27:10,519 --> 00:27:13,500 the Brits say, and people get sick or 740 00:27:13,720 --> 00:27:15,819 arrested or these things that happen, 741 00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:19,259 you can put your integration weekend on pause 742 00:27:19,720 --> 00:27:20,940 and actually still 743 00:27:21,325 --> 00:27:22,625 have an incredible journey. 744 00:27:23,005 --> 00:27:25,805 And so it has to work for life 745 00:27:25,805 --> 00:27:28,125 and not be not being rigid about this, 746 00:27:28,125 --> 00:27:29,585 being fluid and surrendering 747 00:27:30,365 --> 00:27:32,125 to the reality and meeting it in a 748 00:27:32,125 --> 00:27:34,285 different way as you meet yourself in the 749 00:27:34,285 --> 00:27:36,400 world in a different way. I'm glad you 750 00:27:36,400 --> 00:27:37,380 brought that in because 751 00:27:37,680 --> 00:27:40,660 there are events that happen that interrupt 752 00:27:41,519 --> 00:27:44,099 what we would have wanted for our integration 753 00:27:44,320 --> 00:27:46,580 weekend, for our integration life. 754 00:27:47,039 --> 00:27:49,440 And we can roll with the punches. We 755 00:27:49,440 --> 00:27:50,500 can adjust 756 00:27:51,144 --> 00:27:51,964 and still 757 00:27:52,345 --> 00:27:55,325 meet it from a spirit led place. 758 00:27:56,184 --> 00:27:57,005 That's great. 759 00:27:57,545 --> 00:27:59,625 I just wanted to add, yes. My life 760 00:27:59,625 --> 00:28:00,684 is my responsibility, 761 00:28:01,224 --> 00:28:02,444 and it's my responsibility 762 00:28:02,825 --> 00:28:04,684 to clean up my side of the street. 763 00:28:05,349 --> 00:28:07,589 That's all I can do. I can only 764 00:28:07,589 --> 00:28:09,269 clean up my side of the street. I 765 00:28:09,269 --> 00:28:11,429 can't cross over into other people's side of 766 00:28:11,429 --> 00:28:13,129 the street and clean it up for them. 767 00:28:13,429 --> 00:28:15,129 And, yes, it's my responsibility 768 00:28:15,509 --> 00:28:17,129 to take a % 769 00:28:17,429 --> 00:28:17,929 ownership 770 00:28:18,230 --> 00:28:19,690 of my 50%, 771 00:28:20,325 --> 00:28:21,304 but that's it. 772 00:28:21,684 --> 00:28:24,484 You know, no less and no more. And 773 00:28:24,484 --> 00:28:26,404 that that's also, you know, you were talking 774 00:28:26,404 --> 00:28:29,284 about you've changed, but everyone else hasn't. It's 775 00:28:29,284 --> 00:28:30,184 really about 776 00:28:30,804 --> 00:28:31,304 anchoring 777 00:28:32,269 --> 00:28:34,589 the people around you and your community where 778 00:28:34,589 --> 00:28:36,609 you are, and that's all you can do. 779 00:28:36,829 --> 00:28:38,829 Yeah. I was thinking about that quote around 780 00:28:38,829 --> 00:28:41,089 boundaries. Boundaries are the distance 781 00:28:41,789 --> 00:28:43,730 at which I can both love you 782 00:28:44,234 --> 00:28:45,454 and love me. 783 00:28:45,914 --> 00:28:47,755 Boundaries are the distance at which I can 784 00:28:47,755 --> 00:28:49,615 both love you and love me. 785 00:28:50,154 --> 00:28:51,914 Yeah. And that you gotta stay in your 786 00:28:51,914 --> 00:28:52,414 lane. 787 00:28:53,194 --> 00:28:54,174 Thank you, Zena. 788 00:28:54,954 --> 00:28:57,355 Last minute things to add in here before 789 00:28:57,355 --> 00:28:58,414 we wrap. 790 00:28:59,109 --> 00:29:00,569 I'd say from an app standpoint, 791 00:29:01,029 --> 00:29:03,990 let us know if you want anything. That 792 00:29:03,990 --> 00:29:04,970 thirty day integration 793 00:29:05,669 --> 00:29:07,849 was built from feedback from students. 794 00:29:08,230 --> 00:29:09,509 You know, basically, it's like, what were you 795 00:29:09,509 --> 00:29:11,929 struggling with? What did you find helpful? 796 00:29:12,355 --> 00:29:14,034 Then we made sure that we put that 797 00:29:14,034 --> 00:29:16,355 in there, and we're always continuing to try 798 00:29:16,355 --> 00:29:17,494 to meet the needs 799 00:29:17,954 --> 00:29:20,934 and the wants of our students, our graduates. 800 00:29:21,154 --> 00:29:21,894 And so 801 00:29:22,355 --> 00:29:24,994 less feature feedback and more, it's like, this 802 00:29:24,994 --> 00:29:26,294 I found really helpful. 803 00:29:26,789 --> 00:29:28,950 This is something that I struggled with. And 804 00:29:28,950 --> 00:29:30,630 so we can really try to meet that 805 00:29:30,630 --> 00:29:33,830 within the app and other types of programs 806 00:29:33,830 --> 00:29:36,309 that we have to follow on because as 807 00:29:36,309 --> 00:29:38,390 we've said, this seven day is a journey 808 00:29:38,390 --> 00:29:40,410 into your heart and is just the beginning. 809 00:29:40,974 --> 00:29:43,615 Well said. And, you know, maybe there's something 810 00:29:43,615 --> 00:29:45,794 as simple as reaching out to a classmate 811 00:29:46,414 --> 00:29:46,914 because 812 00:29:47,615 --> 00:29:50,434 you can almost guarantee that common humanity 813 00:29:51,214 --> 00:29:52,654 will be an issue here and that if 814 00:29:52,654 --> 00:29:54,894 you're going through it on some level, other 815 00:29:54,894 --> 00:29:56,355 people are too. Don't 816 00:29:56,759 --> 00:29:57,820 suffer in silence. 817 00:29:58,519 --> 00:30:00,680 Reach out for coaching. Reach out for your 818 00:30:00,680 --> 00:30:02,299 post process call. 819 00:30:03,080 --> 00:30:05,019 Do the quad checks on Instagram. 820 00:30:06,039 --> 00:30:07,980 There's so many ways to integrate 821 00:30:08,359 --> 00:30:09,740 the for grads 822 00:30:10,440 --> 00:30:11,660 link on the website 823 00:30:12,234 --> 00:30:13,694 and the app as well, 824 00:30:14,394 --> 00:30:16,255 and listen to other conversations 825 00:30:16,794 --> 00:30:19,514 people have had on this app about their 826 00:30:19,514 --> 00:30:21,214 life post process. Sometimes 827 00:30:21,595 --> 00:30:23,914 just listening to the podcast actually can be 828 00:30:23,914 --> 00:30:24,654 really helpful. 829 00:30:25,109 --> 00:30:26,569 I wanna thank you, Steve, 830 00:30:26,869 --> 00:30:27,369 Zena, 831 00:30:27,750 --> 00:30:28,250 Kevin. 832 00:30:28,630 --> 00:30:29,130 Grateful, 833 00:30:29,589 --> 00:30:30,250 you guys. 834 00:30:30,630 --> 00:30:32,410 Thank you. This is awesome. 835 00:30:32,789 --> 00:30:33,769 Great to be here. 836 00:30:34,150 --> 00:30:35,130 Thank you, Drew. 837 00:30:43,765 --> 00:30:45,845 Thank you for listening to our podcast. My 838 00:30:45,845 --> 00:30:48,164 name is Liza Ingrassi. I'm the CEO and 839 00:30:48,164 --> 00:30:50,265 president of Hoffman Institute Foundation. 840 00:30:50,830 --> 00:30:52,210 And I'm Razzi Grassi, 841 00:30:52,750 --> 00:30:55,789 Hoffman teacher and founder of the Hoffman Institute 842 00:30:55,789 --> 00:30:56,289 Foundation. 843 00:30:56,910 --> 00:30:59,809 Our mission is to provide people greater access 844 00:30:59,869 --> 00:31:02,190 to the wisdom and power of love. In 845 00:31:02,190 --> 00:31:04,769 themselves, in each other, and in the world. 846 00:31:04,984 --> 00:31:08,765 To find out more, please go to hompaninstitute.org.