1 00:00:07,524 --> 00:00:09,602 With Marriage podcast. My name is Jd, and 2 00:00:09,761 --> 00:00:12,078 I blog over at uncovering intimacy dot com. 3 00:00:12,478 --> 00:00:15,609 And today, we've got a short episode. Frankly, 4 00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:17,690 we had a big emergency at work that 5 00:00:17,690 --> 00:00:19,769 kept be working long hours on multiple days 6 00:00:19,769 --> 00:00:22,010 this week. I was also sick. I've got 7 00:00:22,010 --> 00:00:23,529 this headache. I can't see him to shake 8 00:00:23,529 --> 00:00:24,170 for the last week. 9 00:00:24,901 --> 00:00:27,282 And my boss is going on leave for 10 00:00:27,282 --> 00:00:28,314 a month in August. 11 00:00:28,869 --> 00:00:31,036 So we've been scrambling to close off projects 12 00:00:31,092 --> 00:00:33,170 so that I can step in as acting 13 00:00:33,249 --> 00:00:35,946 Cto of our family of 3 companies while 14 00:00:35,946 --> 00:00:36,342 he's gone. 15 00:00:37,374 --> 00:00:39,595 Given that we had few questions coming in 16 00:00:39,595 --> 00:00:39,991 in June, 17 00:00:40,643 --> 00:00:42,159 and they seem pretty straightforward. 18 00:00:43,116 --> 00:00:45,110 I did look like a good time to 19 00:00:45,110 --> 00:00:45,349 answer them. 20 00:00:46,226 --> 00:00:48,858 Now that said, clearly, I answered these not 21 00:00:48,858 --> 00:00:49,997 under my best circumstances. 22 00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:52,373 If you have differing opinions or even more 23 00:00:52,373 --> 00:00:52,929 thoughts to share, 24 00:00:53,802 --> 00:00:55,788 please feel free to do so in the 25 00:00:55,788 --> 00:00:57,455 comments on the blog post, there's a link 26 00:00:57,455 --> 00:00:58,090 in the show notes. 27 00:00:58,984 --> 00:01:00,582 And for those who don't know who are 28 00:01:00,582 --> 00:01:03,538 new here, these questions come from our anonymous 29 00:01:03,618 --> 00:01:06,335 Have a question page over at covering intimacy 30 00:01:06,335 --> 00:01:06,655 dot com. 31 00:01:07,467 --> 00:01:09,300 There's no contact or, there's no way to 32 00:01:09,300 --> 00:01:11,372 follow up these questions unless they come back 33 00:01:11,372 --> 00:01:13,045 and read the post or listen to the 34 00:01:13,045 --> 00:01:13,364 podcast. 35 00:01:14,813 --> 00:01:16,882 So what I've got is what I've got. 36 00:01:17,279 --> 00:01:19,189 And if you get frustrated by not having 37 00:01:19,189 --> 00:01:19,905 more context, 38 00:01:20,382 --> 00:01:21,257 what it is what it is. 39 00:01:22,068 --> 00:01:23,658 And lastly, if you're listening to this in 40 00:01:23,658 --> 00:01:25,486 the next couple of weeks, we are still 41 00:01:25,486 --> 00:01:26,917 running our latest survey. 42 00:01:27,712 --> 00:01:29,563 There's a link to it in the podcast 43 00:01:29,699 --> 00:01:31,265 episode notes as well, and 44 00:01:31,702 --> 00:01:33,928 there's a banner on the web that you 45 00:01:33,928 --> 00:01:35,676 can easily get to the survey from there 46 00:01:35,676 --> 00:01:37,743 as well. And I know sometimes it's really 47 00:01:37,743 --> 00:01:39,038 hard to go from a podcast 48 00:01:39,508 --> 00:01:41,342 answering a survey, especially if you're driving or 49 00:01:41,342 --> 00:01:41,900 something like that. 50 00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:43,436 But 51 00:01:43,972 --> 00:01:46,045 if you happen to remember, we really appreciate 52 00:01:46,045 --> 00:01:47,262 your data because 53 00:01:47,733 --> 00:01:49,878 Frankly, I'm not doing the analysis until we 54 00:01:49,878 --> 00:01:51,706 get at least a thousand people responding to 55 00:01:51,706 --> 00:01:53,772 it. So if you're curious about what kind 56 00:01:53,772 --> 00:01:54,566 of answers are in there, 57 00:01:55,377 --> 00:01:57,527 then you're gonna have to contribute. Don't wait 58 00:01:57,527 --> 00:01:58,244 for everybody else. 59 00:01:59,598 --> 00:02:02,327 Now, on to the questions. Question 1 is 60 00:02:02,624 --> 00:02:04,631 my wife feels like unless she is mean 61 00:02:04,631 --> 00:02:06,545 to our children, they will take advantage of 62 00:02:06,545 --> 00:02:07,103 her kindness. 63 00:02:08,220 --> 00:02:10,634 This results in calling her names and giving 64 00:02:11,091 --> 00:02:13,497 retribution punishments to them that evo the fear 65 00:02:13,497 --> 00:02:15,644 of her raw anger instead of correcting them 66 00:02:15,644 --> 00:02:16,041 in love. 67 00:02:17,234 --> 00:02:18,983 How do I be a protecting force for 68 00:02:18,983 --> 00:02:21,448 my children while balancing helping my wife grow 69 00:02:21,448 --> 00:02:21,607 up? 70 00:02:23,213 --> 00:02:25,046 My basic answer is family counseling. 71 00:02:25,684 --> 00:02:28,235 Honestly, it's likely that nothing you tell her 72 00:02:28,235 --> 00:02:29,351 will change this behavior. 73 00:02:29,988 --> 00:02:31,915 It's likely going to have come from someone 74 00:02:31,915 --> 00:02:34,482 who is both a subject matter ex expert 75 00:02:34,777 --> 00:02:37,663 and also has the authority and state requirement 76 00:02:37,799 --> 00:02:40,040 to report her if they deem it is 77 00:02:40,040 --> 00:02:42,819 at a level of abuse needing to them 78 00:02:42,819 --> 00:02:44,725 to be protected from her. I don't know 79 00:02:44,725 --> 00:02:46,075 how bad it is. You haven't given a 80 00:02:46,075 --> 00:02:47,028 lot of information here. 81 00:02:47,678 --> 00:02:49,502 So I don't know how serious it is. 82 00:02:50,613 --> 00:02:52,596 And I mean, you know, don't threaten that, 83 00:02:52,913 --> 00:02:55,073 but I would definitely invite her to family 84 00:02:55,073 --> 00:02:57,785 counseling. And then if she refuses, then I'd 85 00:02:57,785 --> 00:02:59,779 book an appointment myself and go with a 86 00:02:59,779 --> 00:03:01,236 kid so that you can learn 87 00:03:01,613 --> 00:03:03,687 how to put up healthy boundaries and protect 88 00:03:03,687 --> 00:03:04,166 your children. 89 00:03:05,538 --> 00:03:07,456 Question 2 is I saw you respond to 90 00:03:07,456 --> 00:03:09,773 a question about golden showers before saying that 91 00:03:09,773 --> 00:03:10,673 the driver for 92 00:03:11,451 --> 00:03:13,620 humiliation would be sin. I agree with that. 93 00:03:13,859 --> 00:03:15,689 However, some people say that there are other 94 00:03:15,689 --> 00:03:16,189 reasons 95 00:03:16,883 --> 00:03:18,792 they might want to as well, such as 96 00:03:18,792 --> 00:03:21,100 breaking a taboo or feeling physically closer to 97 00:03:21,100 --> 00:03:23,267 your partner via something coming out of their 98 00:03:23,267 --> 00:03:23,506 body. 99 00:03:24,224 --> 00:03:27,097 Do these reasons more specifically the Taboo 1 100 00:03:27,097 --> 00:03:28,533 make golden showers sinful? 101 00:03:30,541 --> 00:03:32,074 No. I I can't 102 00:03:32,449 --> 00:03:35,469 think of reason that it would be. And 103 00:03:35,787 --> 00:03:37,376 I'm not sure what else to say about 104 00:03:37,376 --> 00:03:39,065 that. If you're curious about the other 2 105 00:03:39,065 --> 00:03:40,661 posts where I talk about these, there'll be 106 00:03:40,661 --> 00:03:42,176 a link to them in the show notes. 107 00:03:42,894 --> 00:03:45,047 It's not something I've ever engaged in, but 108 00:03:45,047 --> 00:03:46,403 people seem to have a lot of questions 109 00:03:46,403 --> 00:03:46,722 about this. 110 00:03:47,773 --> 00:03:50,627 And moving along quick. Question number 3 is 111 00:03:50,627 --> 00:03:52,609 depending on the day and her mood. My 112 00:03:52,609 --> 00:03:54,195 wife will say things like she's not sure 113 00:03:54,195 --> 00:03:56,593 she really loves me. Or speaks of regrets 114 00:03:56,593 --> 00:03:59,220 of missed past loves. But if she is 115 00:03:59,220 --> 00:04:00,733 in a good mood, she says she loves 116 00:04:00,733 --> 00:04:02,802 me and says how amazing I am. 117 00:04:03,773 --> 00:04:06,565 It feels confusing for me. I think marriage 118 00:04:06,565 --> 00:04:08,479 love and staying away from a divorce is 119 00:04:08,479 --> 00:04:10,872 a choice and a promise we made when 120 00:04:10,872 --> 00:04:12,946 we got married in the hard or easy 121 00:04:12,946 --> 00:04:13,105 times. 122 00:04:13,758 --> 00:04:16,309 Do we need help? And do I just 123 00:04:16,309 --> 00:04:18,461 push through the valleys and ignore the things 124 00:04:18,461 --> 00:04:19,099 that she says? 125 00:04:20,135 --> 00:04:23,098 So this might be stress or mood swings 126 00:04:23,098 --> 00:04:25,327 due to hormones or could be an indicator 127 00:04:25,327 --> 00:04:26,602 of something more serious. 128 00:04:27,398 --> 00:04:29,628 I'm not qualified to diagnose if it's something 129 00:04:29,628 --> 00:04:32,114 more serious. And even if I was, certainly 130 00:04:32,114 --> 00:04:33,469 not with a small paragraph. 131 00:04:33,947 --> 00:04:37,477 I would suggest seeking a psychiatrist or clinical 132 00:04:38,094 --> 00:04:38,492 psychologist. 133 00:04:39,544 --> 00:04:40,923 And lastly, I 134 00:04:41,622 --> 00:04:44,739 got this question. We are both 80. We've 135 00:04:44,739 --> 00:04:45,479 been married 136 00:04:46,018 --> 00:04:49,787 since 19 65 high school sweetheart, We continue 137 00:04:49,787 --> 00:04:53,057 to enjoy an active sex life, never less 138 00:04:53,057 --> 00:04:56,647 than adventurous. We'd be interested in, contributing to 139 00:04:56,647 --> 00:04:58,481 a post on sex in the and the 140 00:04:58,481 --> 00:04:58,800 elderly. 141 00:04:59,293 --> 00:05:01,040 We even had a wonderful threes sum in 142 00:05:01,040 --> 00:05:03,184 our seventies, and it continued on from there, 143 00:05:03,423 --> 00:05:04,693 but that's where they lost me. 144 00:05:05,726 --> 00:05:07,290 If you had a threes sum in your 145 00:05:07,409 --> 00:05:10,583 seventies and consider that wonderful, the nope, Certainly 146 00:05:10,583 --> 00:05:10,742 not. 147 00:05:12,012 --> 00:05:13,599 That is not aligned with what I see 148 00:05:13,599 --> 00:05:16,713 in scripture at all. And that is the 149 00:05:16,713 --> 00:05:18,780 ruler that we should use to measure those 150 00:05:18,780 --> 00:05:19,575 who seek to lead. 151 00:05:21,325 --> 00:05:22,756 What example are they setting. 152 00:05:23,327 --> 00:05:25,077 And that doesn't mean they need to be 153 00:05:25,077 --> 00:05:28,100 perfect. God knows I'm not. But like David 154 00:05:28,100 --> 00:05:29,771 being a man after God's own the heart, 155 00:05:30,184 --> 00:05:31,860 it does mean that we need to repent 156 00:05:31,860 --> 00:05:33,536 of the things that do not align with 157 00:05:33,536 --> 00:05:33,935 his will. 158 00:05:34,653 --> 00:05:36,967 I don't believe threes sums align with god's 159 00:05:36,967 --> 00:05:37,606 will in marriage. 160 00:05:38,498 --> 00:05:40,169 So I I will not give people like 161 00:05:40,169 --> 00:05:43,751 this an authoritative a voice to teach those 162 00:05:43,751 --> 00:05:45,263 things in a space where I have the 163 00:05:45,263 --> 00:05:47,571 ability to protect those that might be deceived. 164 00:05:48,544 --> 00:05:50,302 Now, does this mean I don't think they 165 00:05:50,302 --> 00:05:52,620 should have a voice anywhere? No. I believe 166 00:05:52,620 --> 00:05:54,378 in free speech? I think everyone should be 167 00:05:54,378 --> 00:05:56,056 able to say all the things right or 168 00:05:56,056 --> 00:05:57,275 wrong that they believe 169 00:05:58,067 --> 00:06:00,297 and then be challenged by others saying all 170 00:06:00,297 --> 00:06:02,049 the things right or wrong that they believe. 171 00:06:02,765 --> 00:06:04,278 And the place to do that is in 172 00:06:04,278 --> 00:06:05,791 the comments below each blog post. 173 00:06:06,764 --> 00:06:07,802 That is an open forum, 174 00:06:09,001 --> 00:06:10,279 and you can say whatever you want. 175 00:06:11,318 --> 00:06:13,235 Now, I do have some limits and some 176 00:06:13,235 --> 00:06:15,889 rules if you're simply rude, I see no 177 00:06:15,889 --> 00:06:17,969 reason to honor that, you can go be 178 00:06:17,969 --> 00:06:20,050 rude elsewhere if you like. If you're going 179 00:06:20,050 --> 00:06:22,449 to be deceptive, same thing. Find another venue. 180 00:06:22,864 --> 00:06:24,536 If we're just going in circles and bringing 181 00:06:24,536 --> 00:06:26,686 nothing new forward, then I simply don't have 182 00:06:26,686 --> 00:06:28,916 the time for that. But if you are 183 00:06:28,916 --> 00:06:29,315 respectful, 184 00:06:29,872 --> 00:06:31,226 engaged in civil discourse, 185 00:06:32,354 --> 00:06:34,420 operating good faith and move the discussion forward, 186 00:06:34,499 --> 00:06:36,247 then I'm more than willing to talk with 187 00:06:36,247 --> 00:06:39,424 someone who disagrees with me on every single 188 00:06:39,424 --> 00:06:39,583 point. 189 00:06:40,313 --> 00:06:42,560 And as I write this, we are mid 190 00:06:42,616 --> 00:06:45,316 conversation in our supporter form about parenting styles, 191 00:06:46,586 --> 00:06:47,857 specifically about spanking. 192 00:06:48,587 --> 00:06:51,373 And it's pointed, we're not pulling any punches, 193 00:06:51,612 --> 00:06:54,477 but I believe it's respectful and certainly entertaining 194 00:06:54,477 --> 00:06:56,626 at least for me and the other primary 195 00:06:56,626 --> 00:06:57,343 members involved. 196 00:06:59,187 --> 00:07:01,335 Others are, of course, willing to participate or 197 00:07:01,335 --> 00:07:03,403 not as they choose, but I love a 198 00:07:03,403 --> 00:07:04,597 good theology discussion. 199 00:07:05,249 --> 00:07:08,916 And we are pulling versus Greek, stats, everything. 200 00:07:09,713 --> 00:07:12,105 And often people will accuse me of deleting 201 00:07:12,105 --> 00:07:14,987 comments or editing that, and it's true in 202 00:07:14,987 --> 00:07:17,532 some instances, I do. For example, I will 203 00:07:17,532 --> 00:07:20,076 edit out any links to porn. And I 204 00:07:20,076 --> 00:07:21,667 don't care if you think it's porn or 205 00:07:21,667 --> 00:07:23,575 not. I'm not allowing it on my site. 206 00:07:24,466 --> 00:07:27,734 Likewise, all new comment are automatically not approved 207 00:07:27,734 --> 00:07:29,566 by default. I have to go read their 208 00:07:29,566 --> 00:07:31,970 comment and then approve it because the amount 209 00:07:31,970 --> 00:07:34,352 of absolute garbage I get from first time 210 00:07:34,352 --> 00:07:34,852 come 211 00:07:35,226 --> 00:07:38,085 who are just spam is appalling, and I'm 212 00:07:38,085 --> 00:07:40,483 just not willing to let that be on 213 00:07:40,483 --> 00:07:41,913 my site until the next time I can 214 00:07:41,913 --> 00:07:43,898 get to it. So if you comment and 215 00:07:43,898 --> 00:07:45,963 it's not showing right away, that's because I 216 00:07:45,963 --> 00:07:46,837 haven't gotten to it yet. 217 00:07:48,125 --> 00:07:51,165 Now sometimes people disagree with my assessment of 218 00:07:51,165 --> 00:07:53,245 the situation, you know, what I think is 219 00:07:53,245 --> 00:07:55,004 appropriate or not, whether they're being rude or 220 00:07:55,004 --> 00:07:58,057 not, But while, it's my quote unquote house. 221 00:07:58,536 --> 00:08:00,214 I can choose what I allowed to enter 222 00:08:00,214 --> 00:08:00,694 into my house. 223 00:08:01,413 --> 00:08:03,251 And it's not that I'm trying to silence 224 00:08:03,251 --> 00:08:04,370 them were their ideas, 225 00:08:05,340 --> 00:08:07,429 it's just that I can't be bothered to 226 00:08:07,486 --> 00:08:09,949 entertain them if they can't be at least 227 00:08:09,949 --> 00:08:10,347 respectful. 228 00:08:10,982 --> 00:08:13,287 So please engage with the questions in the 229 00:08:13,287 --> 00:08:15,710 comments if you agree or if you disagree 230 00:08:15,925 --> 00:08:16,482 either way. 231 00:08:17,436 --> 00:08:18,311 I welcome it. 232 00:08:19,106 --> 00:08:21,094 Most people know about me that I actually 233 00:08:21,094 --> 00:08:23,081 quite enjoy it when people disagree with me. 234 00:08:23,573 --> 00:08:25,244 It's 1 of the reasons I hang out 235 00:08:25,244 --> 00:08:27,153 in bible study groups that are not from 236 00:08:27,153 --> 00:08:30,389 my denomination. And I don't find disagreement 237 00:08:30,908 --> 00:08:33,224 disrespectful. So long as you are respectful in 238 00:08:33,224 --> 00:08:35,140 your discourse. I think 1 of the things 239 00:08:35,140 --> 00:08:37,875 the world needs more of is civil disagreements 240 00:08:38,014 --> 00:08:38,514 between 241 00:08:38,972 --> 00:08:39,871 opposing signs 242 00:08:40,422 --> 00:08:44,265 without resort to disrespect, demon immunization and threats 243 00:08:44,322 --> 00:08:45,834 or worse of violence. 244 00:08:46,311 --> 00:08:49,119 Sadly, all of which I've witnessed from Christians 245 00:08:49,906 --> 00:08:50,858 on my blog, 246 00:08:51,572 --> 00:08:52,365 including pastors. 247 00:08:53,634 --> 00:08:54,134 And 248 00:08:54,666 --> 00:08:56,728 that is it for today. Now, if you 249 00:08:56,728 --> 00:08:57,363 have a question, 250 00:08:58,093 --> 00:08:59,286 feel free to ask it on or have 251 00:08:59,286 --> 00:09:00,718 a question page. There's a link in the 252 00:09:00,718 --> 00:09:02,947 show notes. If you'd like to tackle something 253 00:09:02,947 --> 00:09:04,379 that's a little bit harder, and it can't 254 00:09:04,379 --> 00:09:06,607 be solved by a simple question, consider booking, 255 00:09:06,766 --> 00:09:08,850 It could discovery call to see if coaching 256 00:09:08,850 --> 00:09:11,557 is right for you. And, yeah, if you've 257 00:09:11,557 --> 00:09:14,024 got time, please check out the survey, it 258 00:09:14,024 --> 00:09:15,297 won't take you that long to answer it. 259 00:09:15,695 --> 00:09:16,412 It's pretty simple. 260 00:09:17,224 --> 00:09:18,980 And we'd really appreciate your voice. 261 00:09:20,018 --> 00:09:20,816 Talk to you next time.