0: Do you ever walk out of a conversation and then think of what you wish you had
said or are sitting in a meeting feeling like you're in the middle of a game of
pinball, trying to keep up slow processing speed,
which many A DHD adults have? Maybe one of the reasons for this,
you've tuned into re-imagining productivity with A DHD,
A podcast for A DHD,
adults like you who want to learn how to adopt the best strategies, tools,
and skills to be able to get your essential work done in a way that works with
the way your brain is wired. I'm Marla Cummins,
an A DHD coach and executive function coach,
and I'm glad you decided to join me today on this journey toward finding your
way to doing what matters most to you without trying to do it like
everyone else. When most people think about processing speed,
they think it simply means how fast you respond, but as you may know,
it's more than that. Processing speed refers to both the speed
and the accuracy with which you take in the information,
whether verbal or written, make sense of it,
decide what aspects of the information matter to you,
then figure out how you wanna respond and then organize that
response quickly enough to say it in real time. Yes,
that's a lot and for many adults with A DHD who struggle
to do this,
those processes are harder and take more time under pressure,
like in a high stakes meeting or a social setting where the consequences for
not showing up the way you want can feel especially heavy.
There are also, I'm sure, no surprise to you,
several executive function challenges common in A DHD that can affect
how quickly and effectively you process information in real time.
One is that, as you know, adults with A DHD have less working memory capacity,
which means you are able to hold less information to then be able to
manipulate it and decide what to do with it. Obviously,
this will affect your processing speed.
Another common challenge for A DHD adults is being able to regulate
emotions in the moment.
So if you're feeling your emotions more intensely and they last longer as
they do for A DHD adults, it's just gonna be harder to process information.
In addition,
because many A DHD adults have difficulties with consistently
regulating attention and effort, you may just misinformation.
Maybe it's because of an internal thought or something external. Yes,
there goes the squirrel a distraction,
which of course makes it hard to respond when you're just not fully engaged in
the conversation.
And if two or more of these challenges are happening at the same time, well,
you know what happens then It can make it exponentially harder.
As you try to follow the conversation, filter distractions,
regulate your emotions,
remember even what the heck it was that they were saying,
and then decide how to respond. And you might decide to check out,
but you don't have to. Let's see what you can do and set.
If you struggle with slow processing speed,
there is a good chance you also carry some amount of shame about it.
And if that's true for you,
it's important to address this part before you consider other tactics that
might help you to con compensate for your slow processing speed.
Because right now you may be thinking,
why do I feel so stupid in conversations? Why can't I think faster?
Why do I always think of things later? This is so embarrassing, I'm so dumb.
And when you're constantly judging yourself for not thinking or responding fast
enough, it becomes that much harder to stay regulated,
pay attention,
and then persist in experimenting with strategies that might actually help,
which is why self-compassion is not optional when you're trying to figure out
how to address your challenges with slow processing speed or actually any other
A DHD related challenge. According to self-compassion
researcher, Kristin Neff, self-compassion has three elements.
One is learning to respond to yourself with more understanding when you're
struggling, rather than attacking yourself for not doing better,
that inner support can help you feel safer and more emotionally
regulated,
which then puts you in a better position to cope with challenges like slow
processing speed and experiment with change.
Another part, the second element is recognizing that you're not alone.
A lot of people struggle with this,
even if it's not their exact challenge and it may not look like yours
and maybe they don't even openly talk about it.
You just never know what is behind that stoic facade on zoom. Right?
And the third element is being able to acknowledge and be with your feelings,
whether that's embarrassment, frustration, sadness,
or some other feeling without getting completely consumed
by it. In other words,
notice and stay with your feelings,
but just don't let them define you or collapse and check out.
Then with self-compassion as your anchor,
you'll be in a much better position to experiment with some of the following
strategies.
But last before moving on as I share various strategies,
think not only about whether they might suit your needs,
but whether they suit your preferences as well.
'cause these really do matter too. First,
preparing in advance when you can is perhaps the best place to
make it easier to process information in real time. For example,
if you're going to a scheduled meeting where you already know the topic,
take some time beforehand to review whatever relevant information you have
available.
That might include the agenda notes from previous meetings,
related emails, or other supporting information.
You may also wanna jot down some notes beforehand,
which might include relevant questions or just your ideas about the topic.
That way your brain isn't simultaneously trying to retrieve old
information from memory while also processing in real time the new
information from the discussion. While you may not prepare
as much for more casual, professional, or social events,
even preparing a little ahead of time can help.
So if you're going to a dinner party or a networking event or other
gathering,
you might think ahead about a few topics you'd feel comfortable talking about.
The benefit of this is, for one,
it's something that you know and are interested in,
which might help you stay engaged in the conversation.
Maybe that's something you're reading, a hobby,
travel or something else that genuinely interests you right now. Of course,
you'll also wanna ask the other person or people about their take on the topic
or related interests,
and the goal isn't to sound polished or rehearsed,
it's simply to give yourself a few familiar starting points so
you don't have to do so much thinking on the fly.
Another strategy is to build in support when possible
so you feel more grounded,
which might help you process better. So if you're attending an event,
whether social or professional,
maybe you go with somebody you know and trust and then let them know that these
kind of events can sometimes feel difficult for you. Well,
you may not be glued to each other.
Periodic check-ins can help you feel more regulated and grounded,
making it easier to process as you do the circuit, so to speak.
And if you attend alone,
you might take a moment to text or connect with someone supportive during a
break to help reset your nervous system.
Another thing that you could try is leveraging your interest
and curiosity to stay engaged and improve your chances of
taking in information accurately so you can respond the way you want
to do this.
You can come up with questions related to what the other person or people are
saying, and depending on the context,
you might decide to ask these questions of the speaker or group in real time
or just take note of them whether or not you decide to follow up later to get
answers. For example,
you might be curious about whether the speaker has considered X about a project
or how long do they think it's gonna take.
You might even reflect back as a way of staying engaged and also clarify,
find the information. So you might say to the person that's speaking,
I just wanna make sure I'm understanding this correctly,
are you saying and then reflect back what you heard,
and on the occasion that you miss something 'cause it's gonna happen,
you might ask them to repeat themselves. So you might say to them,
I'm not sure if I fully got that. Can you say that again?
Because the more you stay engaged,
the better the chance you won't misinformation that you need to process
meetings, whether they're one-on-one group meetings,
formal work meetings, or even informal conversations at home about schedules,
finances or house stuff can be especially challenging for A
DHD adults with slow processing speed.
Another way to make it easier to process this information
is to take notes. Yes, even at home,
whether or not you are able to prepare ahead of time.
Taking notes can not only help you stay more engaged and minimize
distractions,
but you can also capture what is being said for use after the meeting as well
as during the meeting.
And taking notes can help you during the meeting because it allows you to both
take in the information and then take note of your thoughts,
perhaps even capturing a few bullet points to help you contribute.
Taking notes can also reduce the load on your working memory,
and while you wanna make sure you can understand your notes later,
you also don't need to write complete sentences, keywords,
symbols,
short phrases may be effective because they allow you to also
continue listening.
If you're interested in learning more about how to take and process notes,
I've included a link with the show notes on my website to post. You can look at
in addition to note taking,
thinking aloud with a supportive thought partner is another way to
externalize your thoughts and when done intentionally can be
useful to help you process more effectively. The challenge,
however,
sometimes for A DHD adults is when you unintentionally start
processing out loud in situations where you'd actually rather sound
more organized and concise in the moment. For example,
in a meeting or a conversation,
you may start talking when you don't yet have enough clarity about what you
wanna say. So you end up processing as you're speaking.
But what this can end up sounding like to the other people is that you're
talking in circles, adding tangents,
overexplaining because you're not sure if they're understanding you and just
really struggling to land your point.
And at some point you might notice people looking at you, a little bewildered,
sound familiar. As you know,
generating lots of thoughts and making surprising associations can
absolutely be an A DHD related strength.
The question though is one of context that is,
do you feel comfortable processing aloud in the context with the people that
you're with? And if not,
you may want to intentionally slow the pace of the interactions so you have more
time to synthesize and organize your thoughts before speaking.
One strategy is what I think of as a three sentences and check-in approach.
So instead of trying to communicate every related thought all at once,
try sharing a few key ideas,
put a period at the end of your sentences and then pause to check in with the
other person or group. For example, you might say,
what are your thoughts about that?
Do you think there's a better way to approach this?
Does this make sense to you? Another strategy,
as I mentioned earlier,
is to ask a follow-up question reflecting what you heard,
to check your understanding or briefly pausing before responding.
And though you might not feel comfortable doing this in a group conversation,
in a one-on-one conversation, you might say,
let me think about that for a second,
and then literally take a few seconds to think.
I do this all the time when I'm working one-on-one with clients.
The goal is to ground your nervous system and slow the interaction down so
you can collect your thoughts and decide what you want to say next.
Whether it's sharing a thought or asking a question.
Slower and clearer communication is of course,
more effective than rushing to respond immediately.
It's also important to give yourself permission to take breaks if that's
possible.
Whether at personal community or professional events in
situations where you're interacting in groups,
because you know that when you become overloaded, either socially, emotionally,
or cognitively processing information in real time just becomes harder.
And stepping away even briefly is one strategy you can use to help yourself
regroup and then reengage so you can process the conversations more effectively.
Excuse me, I have to use the restroom is always a winner.
And because it's harder to track and process information in large groups,
another strategy is to focus on one person or a smaller group.
In a situation where larger group conversations start feeling overwhelming,
you may find it much easier to stay engaged and process information in
one-on-one interactions rather than in a loud group where everyone seems
to be talking over each other.
And I know as is true for many A DHD adults,
you may put pressure on yourself to respond immediately in conversations
even when you don't feel ready.
But really not every response has to happen in real time.
Of course, it always depends on the context,
but sometimes it can be possible and even better to say, you know,
I'd like to think about that a little more and get back to you.
That way you can give yourself the time you need to organize your thoughts,
regulate your emotions,
and then respond in a way that more accurately reflects what you really think
eventually.
And sometimes it may help to let the person know when you'll follow up.
You might say, lemme get back to you tomorrow, or, you know,
I'll follow up before our next meeting,
or whatever timeframe makes sense given the situation.
And of course, there are times when you get to choose the environment.
So when you do have a choice,
you might decide you'd rather connect with people during a small dinner party,
a walk or a coffee with one person or any other quieter
gathering instead of a large noisy event.
And that's not about avoidance or failure,
it's about accepting that you may simply prefer certain kinds of social
environments over others. And when you do have a choice,
it's okay to take your preferences into account
and finally
try to focus less on performing and more on just being present.
You do not need to impress everyone in the room often the goal is simply to
connect, be curious, and have a few meaningful interactions.
You don't have to master each event,
you just need enough support instructor to show up more comfortably
as yourself.
What I hope you're taking away from this episode is that slow processing speed
is not a character flaw or a sign that you're not smart. It may simply
mean that you need more time, more structure,
or other strategies to help you process and respond in conversations
the way you want. Also,
I hope that you remember that it's okay to take your preferences into account,
and it's also really important to experiment to find out what will work best for
you. That's it for now,
and I'm really glad you joined me.
If this resonated with you and you want to hear more strategies for working with
your A DHD,
hit like and follow so you don't miss future episodes about re-imagining
what productivity might be with A DHD on. Until next time,
this has been reimagining productivity with A DHD.
I'm Marla Cummins reminding you that A DHD doesn't define you,
but how you work with it can shape what's possible.