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Welcome back to my friends today a recovery

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interviews. I'm your host, Howard,

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and I'm an alcoholic. Sober since 01/01/1988,

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1 day at a time. I'm grateful you've

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joined us.

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Aa recovery interviews is the podcast where alcoholic

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and members from around the world share their

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extraordinary stories of experience, strength and hope.

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There are over 150

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unique interviews in this podcast series that you

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can listen to on all podcast apps or

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at aa recovery interviews dot com.

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Today, I'm pleased to welcome to the show

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marc p that whom I've gotten to know

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first by Zoom and then in live meetings

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at 1 of my favorite Aa clubs. Her

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first exposure to alcoholic Synonymous was at age

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12,

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when she witnessed her father receiving his 1

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year anniversary chip, but though her father maintained

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his sobriety for the rest of his life.

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Little was spoken of alcoholism in her home

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growing up.

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Like many Aa members who were raised in

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or around the program,

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Marcy decisions to drink were largely unaffected by

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her family of origin. By the time she

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started drinking in high school and increased her

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alcohol consumption in college.

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Marcy enjoyed the pleasant aspects of drinking, though

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she often blacked out and was once hospitalized

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for alcohol poisoning.

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With few consequences along the way, she embarked

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on a career talk full of travel and

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drinking.

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Married at 26,

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The issue of her excessive bus was raised

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and delayed many times as her functional alcoholism

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provided plenty of excuses for continuing to drink.

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By her early forties, the frank fabric of

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Marcy life was being torn apart by her

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drinking. Countless Vain attempts to stop. Were fueled

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by her desire to please others, But her

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own desire to quit drinking did not occur

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until after she had lost her job in

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marriage,

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Thoroughly beaten by the disease, Marcy

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desperation turned into a willingness to do whatever

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she was told to stay sober.

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For the first time she became accountable to

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her sponsor, who methodically worked her through the

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12 steps.

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Combined with studying the big book, praying daily,

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and being of service to her Aa fellows.

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Marcy efforts to embrace Aa for herself finally

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paid off with a sobriety date that hasn't

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changed since May of 20 21.

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Marcy willingness to share her story has been

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a gift to me, I'm pleased to share

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it with you

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It's a story with sufficient similarities to be

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a value to Aa novice and old timers

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alike.

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Yet with enough differences to assure even the

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most skeptical listeners. That alcoholic anonymous really works

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for those who do it. So please enjoy

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the next 60 minutes of aa recovery interviews

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with my friend and a sister

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Marcy p.

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My name is Marcy, and I'm an alcoholic.

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Hi, Marcy. Hi. Howard? Correct answer. Good. You

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win a duck.

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Awesome. Thanks for being here, and thanks for

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participating with me on the Aa recovery interviews

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podcast. Oh Thank you for having me. You

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and I are sitting in 1 of our

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favorite clubs, Aa clubs in the city of

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Houston,

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and we just came out of a meeting.

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Which was... The room was pretty full today

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too.

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It was. And I've gotten to know you

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in this meeting over the last

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3 plus years that we think we originally

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met during Covid.

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We did. Yes. So I came to the

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club.

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In 20 20 right before it shut down,

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trying to

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stay sober.

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20 20. 20 20. Yeah. It was in,

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gosh probably February

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when I when I showed up here again.

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Well, Had never been to this

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location. I I finally was able to come

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to the noon meeting. I had... Had lost

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my job, had a lot more time on

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my hands, and Was not going well. Why

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was not going well. And I came here

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at noon

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have been coming ever since. I'm glad to

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see you on such a regular basis because

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you and I were talking before the interview,

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I go to different meetings in different places,

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but this particular club, I come to maybe

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2 3 times a week. Yeah. And what's

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cool about is I get to see you

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and in at least at least 1 time

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a week since you first got sober. And

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and

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so your sobriety date, By Friday it's 05/23/2021.

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Many 20 third... So it took me Yeah.

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Took me a little wild. To stick around

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and stay. It's I'm glad you chose to

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stay. Me too. Me too. And you try

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to 8 before that? Absolutely. The When was

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that? So in my twenties, when I had

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first moved to Houston,

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just gotten married,

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I...

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Was out drinking and I got a D.

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Mh. And it scared me into the rooms.

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That was my first time in an Aa

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meeting for myself. I grew up knowing about

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Aa. My dad is in was in recovery.

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Oh, yeah. Yeah. So in East Texas where

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I grew up in Marshall,

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my first day Meeting. I was 12 years

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old. He was celebrating a 1 year birthday.

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And I went to his meeting as kid

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and watch him get his 1 year chipped

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and and

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and

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did never wanted to go into another Aa

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meeting again. So, obviously, you you grew up

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with your dad while he was still actively

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drinking.

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I did. As a child, but I didn't

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know he was an alcoholic,

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Meeting he would come home from work and

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sleep. And he would take a nap. And

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I just knew it as he was coming

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home from work to nap, and then he'd

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eat dinner with us, and I'd... That was

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it. I was the busy child, but,

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gymnastics was kind of my life back then,

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and so I wasn't at home a lot.

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I was training a lot, and

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and he...

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So that was it. It I never knew

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him

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as a drunk or,

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you know, drinking too much. He hit it

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very well

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My mom probably had a lot to do

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with that, protecting the girls. I have an

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older sister.

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So I knew him sober. I really did.

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When I turned... When I was 12 years

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old, and he

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had a 1 year chip. I...

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Our relationship changed forever, and we've been close

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ever since. No. Prior to that. You weren't

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necessarily that close. I mean, we were we

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were a close family, but he... Like I

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said, he was at work. He came home

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and nap. We dinner together every night Yeah.

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And that was it. But we never

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probably, you know, talked and connected, like, but

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I also a kid and Yeah. I don't

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remember a lot of that. I really don't.

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He went to treatment, and and he had

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always had bad knees and multiple.

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Knee surgeries

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since he was in high school, like,

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14 knee surgeries by the time he it

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was 40. So pills were a lot of

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his problem too. But,

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they... He went to a 30 day treatment

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center

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when... You know, I guess, I was probably

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11. And

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and they told me, my mom, told me

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it was for his niece. They... They didn't

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tell me. He was going for alcoholism. Wow.

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I found that out later. Told Did did

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you notice when you were a kid, any

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difficulties that your parents had between them as...

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What you might know now would have been

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his alcoholism?

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I I do now... Mean, my my older

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sister was...

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She was 3 years older than me, So

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fifth teen at a at a moore

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a wear age, I think and so she...

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I remember her coming to my room, a

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couple of times and crying because mom and

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dad were fighting.

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And I I didn't understand why she was

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so upset about it because I always thought

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no deal.

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They'll be fine. What did she what did

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she tell you about it? Did she did

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she give you any ideas that made you

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think maybe it was... Because your to head

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drinking of Yep. Just domestic wobble. Right. I

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never knew. They... They... They must have tried

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to protect me from the whole drinking thing.

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I I didn't know about alcoholism at all

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until I went to that Aa meeting,

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and saw a bunch of men smoking and

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clapping first for sobriety date. Did I thought,

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what is this? So you're 12 you're 12

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years old, and you're going to your very

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first date. Meeting. Right. Was that went to

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and until? That was I was done with.

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What what did you think about it? Well,

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I thought it was a bench of old

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men who couldn't stop drinking. I remember even

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feeling so almost feeling sorry for my dad.

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Like, always, he's gotta go to this...

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Meetings. That's so sad and never drink again

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that that that must be awful.

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That's what I kinda thought about it. And

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and then he would say

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I'm an alcoholic.

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And I and I thought that you you

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don't drink anymore. Why do you call yourself

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an alcoholic? That's not right. And I would

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argue a little bit of about about that

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with him? Like, why do you why do

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you tell yourself that? Because that's not true.

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That's an interesting perspective to have as a

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kid as a an adolescent. And going into

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your teenage years to know that your dad

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is in aa, but you don't understand why

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he's there, and we're only expose exposure to

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it is this meeting of old man. Any

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Texas small town, you know, it's it

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not a lot of... Meeting options

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for for the people there. So that was

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his for his first A birthday. Yeah. Yeah.

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And. He's been sober...

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He passed away last year, but he died

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us sober man.

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He was over, gosh, 30 something years sober.

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I don't I don't remember

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the exact date. Well I mean, I don't

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know it was in March, but I don't

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remember these year, I guess. So what sort

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of things did you see going on when

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you were a kid and your dad was

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sober?

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That would have involved other silver people and

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parties where they weren't serving alcohol and that

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sort of thing. Did you notice any of

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that? I did. What I would notice is

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my dad helped he was big into the

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service part of the program. Mh. And had

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a great sponsor.

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And I got to know his font. I

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mean, this... His sponsor and other men from

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the program came to the house a lot.

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We we had a lot of activities with

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people from A, and I never knew how

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my parents were very... They they grew up

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in Marshall, Texas. They were high school sweetheart.

268
00:09:59,413 --> 00:10:00,771
Everybody knew who they were, and they were

269
00:10:00,771 --> 00:10:01,411
very social.

270
00:10:02,863 --> 00:10:04,851
So I didn't know who these people were.

271
00:10:05,010 --> 00:10:06,839
All a sudden all these new people were

272
00:10:06,839 --> 00:10:07,793
were calling the house,

273
00:10:09,065 --> 00:10:10,656
you know, and my dad's meeting up with

274
00:10:10,656 --> 00:10:13,294
these men, and and I and it it

275
00:10:13,294 --> 00:10:16,154
did open my eyes to, like, how he

276
00:10:16,154 --> 00:10:18,855
was helping people. Like, oh, that's really that's

277
00:10:18,855 --> 00:10:21,317
really great. And then the other thing, and

278
00:10:21,397 --> 00:10:22,404
I remember this, it

279
00:10:23,161 --> 00:10:23,638
vividly.

280
00:10:24,275 --> 00:10:26,344
He had quiet time every morning. He'd get

281
00:10:26,344 --> 00:10:28,174
up before anybody in the house. And my

282
00:10:28,174 --> 00:10:29,925
dad and I had that early morning thing

283
00:10:29,925 --> 00:10:31,437
in common. I was a morning person.

284
00:10:32,168 --> 00:10:35,271
And I would go up to where, you

285
00:10:35,271 --> 00:10:37,498
know, the Mark kitchen area and he'd be

286
00:10:37,498 --> 00:10:38,135
on his knees.

287
00:10:38,771 --> 00:10:41,514
With his bible with the big book and

288
00:10:41,730 --> 00:10:44,198
his he had terrible knees, and I used

289
00:10:44,198 --> 00:10:46,347
to get like, I I would read until

290
00:10:46,347 --> 00:10:48,895
my mom, dad's in pain. He's hurt.

291
00:10:49,467 --> 00:10:51,217
Like something's wrong with him. And he's on

292
00:10:51,217 --> 00:10:52,967
his knees and he's, you know, his eyes

293
00:10:52,967 --> 00:10:54,875
are closed and she'd say, no, Marcy, he's

294
00:10:54,875 --> 00:10:57,341
having his quiet time. Oh, with God. And

295
00:10:57,341 --> 00:10:59,508
so, and and I am, I was curious

296
00:10:59,508 --> 00:11:01,501
about that. We grew up going to church

297
00:11:01,501 --> 00:11:03,574
every Sunday, and I just knew him as

298
00:11:03,574 --> 00:11:06,125
a religious man. Not a... Not necessarily, like...

299
00:11:06,299 --> 00:11:09,010
This 1 on 1 relationship with with God.

300
00:11:09,249 --> 00:11:11,801
And I I was curious about that as

301
00:11:11,801 --> 00:11:13,156
a kid in high school, and I would

302
00:11:13,156 --> 00:11:14,990
ask my dad about that, and he said

303
00:11:14,990 --> 00:11:17,396
it's part of the program I'm in is

304
00:11:17,555 --> 00:11:20,127
I I start my day with gratitude.

305
00:11:21,141 --> 00:11:22,789
And and he told me and shared else

306
00:11:22,989 --> 00:11:24,348
a lot about it with me, what he

307
00:11:24,348 --> 00:11:25,707
did in the mornings and what he would

308
00:11:25,707 --> 00:11:26,526
read. And

309
00:11:26,985 --> 00:11:29,563
and, so that it was special we always

310
00:11:30,022 --> 00:11:32,340
because of Aa always had. Even way before

311
00:11:32,500 --> 00:11:32,715
I was

312
00:11:33,871 --> 00:11:34,350
drinking.

313
00:11:34,988 --> 00:11:37,882
Mh. I was always curious about how his

314
00:11:39,377 --> 00:11:42,416
relationship with god That's interesting. Yeah. So knowing

315
00:11:42,416 --> 00:11:44,268
what you know now about Aa

316
00:11:44,801 --> 00:11:47,108
looking back at that time, were there are

317
00:11:47,108 --> 00:11:49,016
other things in addition to the service work

318
00:11:49,016 --> 00:11:49,993
that he was doing

319
00:11:50,384 --> 00:11:53,014
that demonstrated to you what Aa was about

320
00:11:53,014 --> 00:11:55,486
without you actually knowing it until you came

321
00:11:55,486 --> 00:11:57,399
into the program you yourself. Gosh. Yes. Like

322
00:11:57,399 --> 00:11:58,037
what? Like,

323
00:11:59,088 --> 00:12:00,674
the kind of... Oh, he made a amend.

324
00:12:00,912 --> 00:12:02,180
He made a amend to me and my

325
00:12:02,180 --> 00:12:04,877
sister with our minister from the methodist of

326
00:12:04,877 --> 00:12:05,115
church.

327
00:12:05,908 --> 00:12:06,066
He,

328
00:12:07,033 --> 00:12:10,397
So so, like, that process, he he had

329
00:12:10,613 --> 00:12:13,079
us after school in a room at the

330
00:12:13,079 --> 00:12:15,167
church with... With the minister who... We were

331
00:12:15,167 --> 00:12:15,885
very close to.

332
00:12:17,402 --> 00:12:20,115
He was the family friend. And and we,

333
00:12:21,233 --> 00:12:23,323
we were there and my dad share to

334
00:12:23,323 --> 00:12:24,840
this that he didn't feel like he had

335
00:12:24,840 --> 00:12:25,558
been the father,

336
00:12:26,596 --> 00:12:28,751
he wanted to be and that it was

337
00:12:28,751 --> 00:12:30,587
gonna be different going forward. And if we

338
00:12:30,587 --> 00:12:32,990
had any questions, and I just was baffled.

339
00:12:33,149 --> 00:12:35,055
I just remember being so baffled then, like,

340
00:12:35,373 --> 00:12:37,200
he's been a great dad. Like, he's thought

341
00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:39,027
of everything I need. But why is he

342
00:12:39,027 --> 00:12:40,948
being so hard on himself. How long had

343
00:12:40,948 --> 00:12:42,059
you been sober by that point?

344
00:12:43,170 --> 00:12:45,393
Probably 6 months. I mean, like, I didn't

345
00:12:45,393 --> 00:12:47,615
even know this first year. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

346
00:12:47,948 --> 00:12:49,782
And my sister was a lot more emotional

347
00:12:49,782 --> 00:12:52,731
about it and and probably had a lot

348
00:12:52,731 --> 00:12:54,086
more to say about it. But I was

349
00:12:54,086 --> 00:12:55,975
like, great, dad. How far. This is awesome

350
00:12:57,133 --> 00:12:59,610
Mh. So so there's things like that, like,

351
00:12:59,689 --> 00:13:00,808
he was making amend.

352
00:13:01,367 --> 00:13:03,125
He was doing the service work.

353
00:13:03,936 --> 00:13:06,879
His morning meditations, like, all of these things

354
00:13:06,879 --> 00:13:09,424
that I started to notice and do and

355
00:13:09,424 --> 00:13:10,274
or and see

356
00:13:10,871 --> 00:13:11,109
were,

357
00:13:12,381 --> 00:13:14,210
of course, evident to me now. Like, these

358
00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:16,596
are the steps. These he lived the steps.

359
00:13:16,834 --> 00:13:19,474
Yeah. Yeah. That's... Amazing. And it really is.

360
00:13:19,634 --> 00:13:21,226
And to and to see it now and

361
00:13:21,226 --> 00:13:24,252
to know looking back what he was doing

362
00:13:24,252 --> 00:13:26,242
back then that you didn't understand back then.

363
00:13:26,481 --> 00:13:28,639
Right. Right. But it had its impact nonetheless

364
00:13:28,639 --> 00:13:29,036
the.

365
00:13:29,988 --> 00:13:32,764
Totally. It totally did. And it obviously did

366
00:13:32,764 --> 00:13:34,430
as, you know, my son,

367
00:13:35,318 --> 00:13:37,863
was 11 when I got sober were. And

368
00:13:37,863 --> 00:13:38,977
amazing. And that's something

369
00:13:39,454 --> 00:13:41,522
history repeating it So... Well, a little bit.

370
00:13:41,681 --> 00:13:44,165
Yeah. I I think my struggle know, my

371
00:13:44,165 --> 00:13:45,705
dad was a 1 and done

372
00:13:46,485 --> 00:13:46,725
type,

373
00:13:47,445 --> 00:13:49,045
he went to treatment and hand had to

374
00:13:49,045 --> 00:13:50,965
drink sense, and that was not my story.

375
00:13:51,205 --> 00:13:52,807
You So that hasn't been my story.

376
00:13:53,680 --> 00:13:56,538
But but so when, you know, when I

377
00:13:56,538 --> 00:13:58,815
went to my next day a meeting. So

378
00:13:59,014 --> 00:14:01,167
I had gotten a D living in a

379
00:14:01,167 --> 00:14:02,204
new city in Houston,

380
00:14:02,921 --> 00:14:05,473
newly married. And So there's a lot of

381
00:14:05,473 --> 00:14:07,785
time between that very first. Yeah. I exposed

382
00:14:08,199 --> 00:14:11,063
Girl. Then. Now when you were younger than

383
00:14:11,063 --> 00:14:13,951
that, and you you mentioned that you really

384
00:14:14,246 --> 00:14:16,474
didn't see any alcoholic behavior.

385
00:14:17,350 --> 00:14:19,762
Earl exhibited by your father? He'd come home

386
00:14:19,762 --> 00:14:21,600
and take a nap. Were there any other

387
00:14:21,600 --> 00:14:24,556
things that looking back now that would have

388
00:14:24,556 --> 00:14:27,370
predicted that he would end up in a.

389
00:14:28,169 --> 00:14:29,929
Not that I I was noticing.

390
00:14:31,289 --> 00:14:33,210
You know, I think that to, as a

391
00:14:33,210 --> 00:14:35,698
kid, I was I was in my own

392
00:14:35,698 --> 00:14:37,446
world. Like, I I've know this now. Like,

393
00:14:37,685 --> 00:14:38,638
I was the very

394
00:14:39,989 --> 00:14:40,625
day dream.

395
00:14:41,102 --> 00:14:43,565
You know, people please are and day dream.

396
00:14:43,898 --> 00:14:45,645
And so, like, I know this about me.

397
00:14:45,883 --> 00:14:47,574
And maybe I wasn't

398
00:14:48,186 --> 00:14:49,933
living in the reality of what my home

399
00:14:49,933 --> 00:14:51,918
life what? You know, I I didn't... I

400
00:14:51,918 --> 00:14:52,792
had great parents.

401
00:14:53,204 --> 00:14:55,903
I had nothing to complain about. They provided.

402
00:14:56,935 --> 00:14:59,475
You know, I was I was really into

403
00:14:59,475 --> 00:15:00,507
gymnastics we trained.

404
00:15:01,078 --> 00:15:04,411
All the time, 4 hours. Mh. After school,

405
00:15:04,888 --> 00:15:06,554
4 days a week on the weekend.

406
00:15:07,189 --> 00:15:08,872
And my dad played a golf So he

407
00:15:08,872 --> 00:15:10,779
was at the golf course on Saturday and

408
00:15:10,938 --> 00:15:13,640
Sunday, and that was our life. Like, I

409
00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:16,262
didn't see that. I really didn't... You know,

410
00:15:16,501 --> 00:15:17,216
I wasn't home much.

411
00:15:17,869 --> 00:15:19,946
And that went on until I was about

412
00:15:19,946 --> 00:15:22,583
12, and and I got to middle school

413
00:15:22,583 --> 00:15:22,902
and,

414
00:15:23,781 --> 00:15:27,457
you know, stopped. Pursuing gymnastics and... Was there

415
00:15:27,457 --> 00:15:30,396
any alcoholism on either side of the families

416
00:15:30,396 --> 00:15:33,041
that you're aware of? Yes. My dad's

417
00:15:34,209 --> 00:15:34,709
dad

418
00:15:35,099 --> 00:15:37,893
was also alcoholic. Yeah. And and I don't

419
00:15:37,893 --> 00:15:40,846
know his story very much. I... I never

420
00:15:40,846 --> 00:15:43,560
got to really learn that whole, but he

421
00:15:43,560 --> 00:15:44,768
he died sober as well.

422
00:15:46,037 --> 00:15:47,624
But my dad's at upbringing was not an

423
00:15:47,624 --> 00:15:50,401
easy 1. And because of his alcohol, he

424
00:15:50,401 --> 00:15:52,268
was adopted right. And

425
00:15:53,921 --> 00:15:57,271
his alcoholic father was very very tough on

426
00:15:57,271 --> 00:15:58,069
him. Yeah.

427
00:15:58,707 --> 00:16:01,833
So on that side, and, of course, through

428
00:16:01,833 --> 00:16:04,227
the years, we've discovered who the biological parents

429
00:16:04,227 --> 00:16:07,020
are, but there was not... I don't believe

430
00:16:07,020 --> 00:16:09,587
there was alcoholism from... Oh, there was maybe

431
00:16:09,587 --> 00:16:11,975
from the biological mother. I really don't. I

432
00:16:11,975 --> 00:16:14,784
don't know. And on my mom's side, my

433
00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:16,353
grand ad never,

434
00:16:17,563 --> 00:16:19,740
wasn't an admitted alcoholic, but drank

435
00:16:20,198 --> 00:16:21,017
a lot

436
00:16:21,554 --> 00:16:24,268
and never got... Never said did not die

437
00:16:24,268 --> 00:16:25,567
drunk. I mean, it

438
00:16:26,199 --> 00:16:28,190
it would have never dawned on him. And

439
00:16:28,190 --> 00:16:29,704
in fact, I saw him 1 time at

440
00:16:29,704 --> 00:16:31,855
a wedding. He was gu a glass of

441
00:16:31,855 --> 00:16:33,847
wine, and I had remembered him telling me

442
00:16:33,847 --> 00:16:36,013
he didn't drink anymore and I said, Da,

443
00:16:36,172 --> 00:16:37,524
if you don't drink anymore. And he said,

444
00:16:37,683 --> 00:16:38,399
I'm not drinking,

445
00:16:39,035 --> 00:16:41,660
and he met whiskey. Like, he didn't see

446
00:16:41,660 --> 00:16:42,535
wine as alcohol.

447
00:16:43,186 --> 00:16:45,568
Yeah. But he wasn't... He he wasn't in

448
00:16:45,568 --> 00:16:46,680
the program or nothing.

449
00:16:47,316 --> 00:16:49,460
And my dad and his dad that raised

450
00:16:49,460 --> 00:16:50,278
him were

451
00:16:51,064 --> 00:16:53,699
in the program. That's... That is lit... All

452
00:16:53,859 --> 00:16:54,577
I know about...

453
00:16:55,455 --> 00:16:57,052
And my mom never drink. Like, I never...

454
00:16:57,212 --> 00:16:58,569
They never even had alcohol at the house.

455
00:16:58,729 --> 00:17:00,725
I never saw alcohol. She's not a drinker.

456
00:17:01,297 --> 00:17:03,126
Yeah. Did she ever sit down and have

457
00:17:03,126 --> 00:17:05,115
1 of those discussions with you as a

458
00:17:05,115 --> 00:17:06,331
kid and about

459
00:17:06,706 --> 00:17:08,951
about drinking or about drugs or any of

460
00:17:08,951 --> 00:17:11,025
that sort of thing that you can recall.

461
00:17:11,344 --> 00:17:13,099
Not that I can recall at all. That's

462
00:17:13,099 --> 00:17:14,534
not unusual for this generation.

463
00:17:15,412 --> 00:17:17,779
Mh. When I got to high school, we

464
00:17:17,899 --> 00:17:20,696
talked about it because, People started drinking. Yeah.

465
00:17:21,015 --> 00:17:22,773
And I would get in trouble, you know,

466
00:17:22,933 --> 00:17:24,930
if I I'd drank. And I knew that

467
00:17:25,090 --> 00:17:27,249
I'd be trouble if I drink. Like, like,

468
00:17:27,407 --> 00:17:29,470
somehow I knew that. Yeah. That wasn't gonna

469
00:17:29,470 --> 00:17:30,898
be accept accepted. But...

470
00:17:32,089 --> 00:17:33,934
Yeah. It's the I I hid every... You

471
00:17:33,934 --> 00:17:34,013
know,

472
00:17:34,890 --> 00:17:36,563
I hit everything from my parents. So I

473
00:17:36,643 --> 00:17:38,236
I wanted to... I was a very big

474
00:17:38,236 --> 00:17:40,874
people leader. I wanted them to to be

475
00:17:40,874 --> 00:17:43,332
very pleased about my behavior. So so when

476
00:17:43,332 --> 00:17:45,393
when did you take your first strain? I

477
00:17:45,393 --> 00:17:47,137
was a freshman in high school. I was

478
00:17:47,137 --> 00:17:50,422
at a towels, girls, slumber party, and we

479
00:17:50,422 --> 00:17:51,720
drank some purple fashion,

480
00:17:52,416 --> 00:17:54,730
and that's... I remember that being my first

481
00:17:54,730 --> 00:17:54,890
drink,

482
00:17:55,701 --> 00:17:57,214
could have taken it or or leave it.

483
00:17:57,453 --> 00:17:58,431
I mean, I remember

484
00:17:59,364 --> 00:18:01,673
the warm fuzzy feeling? Yeah.

485
00:18:02,389 --> 00:18:04,720
The light headed, the laughing. I remember all

486
00:18:04,720 --> 00:18:07,200
of that, but did... It it was not

487
00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:09,119
an immediate love of my life. So it

488
00:18:09,119 --> 00:18:10,559
didn't make you wanna repeat it

489
00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:14,161
Anytime soon? No. I also was afraid of

490
00:18:14,161 --> 00:18:16,384
getting in trouble too. Getting caught. Mh.

491
00:18:16,939 --> 00:18:20,035
Oh, I... That freshman year sophomore year. Yeah.

492
00:18:20,449 --> 00:18:22,045
I mean, it wasn't a big thing for

493
00:18:22,045 --> 00:18:24,758
me early on. So you went through high

494
00:18:24,758 --> 00:18:28,124
school without drinking or... No. Watch your drink.

495
00:18:28,283 --> 00:18:31,316
I drink at parties. Weed was around.

496
00:18:32,034 --> 00:18:34,588
I I probably tried weed, and I I

497
00:18:34,588 --> 00:18:36,913
did. I didn't care for it. I definitely

498
00:18:36,913 --> 00:18:39,217
like drinking better than we'd... We had, you

499
00:18:39,217 --> 00:18:39,376
know,

500
00:18:40,170 --> 00:18:41,759
I think about it Now. I really didn't

501
00:18:41,759 --> 00:18:44,323
like beer. I didn't what we were drinking.

502
00:18:44,483 --> 00:18:47,220
So, you, when we'd go get maybe da

503
00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:48,718
from S port, you know, we... I lived

504
00:18:48,718 --> 00:18:50,716
on the Louisiana border. So the drinking age

505
00:18:50,716 --> 00:18:53,289
was 18, like when I was 16 over

506
00:18:53,289 --> 00:18:55,130
there. And so we would go get da

507
00:18:55,130 --> 00:18:58,509
from Louisiana and that I liked. That was

508
00:18:58,570 --> 00:18:59,369
good. But

509
00:19:00,022 --> 00:19:02,326
my drinking took off definitely when I got

510
00:19:02,326 --> 00:19:04,232
to college. I got in trouble too much

511
00:19:04,232 --> 00:19:06,797
in high school for drinking. I... It was

512
00:19:06,853 --> 00:19:07,750
it was not

513
00:19:08,138 --> 00:19:09,647
What what kind of trouble did you get

514
00:19:09,647 --> 00:19:11,631
into? I came home drunk 1 night and

515
00:19:11,631 --> 00:19:12,369
got grounded

516
00:19:12,821 --> 00:19:14,353
and couldn't drive my car

517
00:19:14,964 --> 00:19:15,464
and

518
00:19:16,014 --> 00:19:18,095
And that I was miserable. And this is

519
00:19:18,095 --> 00:19:20,815
after your dad's already in a. Right? Oh,

520
00:19:20,974 --> 00:19:22,894
yeah. Yeah. I I did. I came home.

521
00:19:23,134 --> 00:19:26,176
I... And and I been drinking, and and

522
00:19:26,335 --> 00:19:27,605
I came home and my mom could tell.

523
00:19:27,843 --> 00:19:29,828
I I lied to my parents a lot

524
00:19:29,828 --> 00:19:31,336
about, like, where I was going and who

525
00:19:31,416 --> 00:19:32,527
I was going with if there was gonna

526
00:19:32,527 --> 00:19:34,763
be drinking involved, she'd... If they didn't like

527
00:19:34,763 --> 00:19:36,031
the people I was hanging out with, and

528
00:19:36,110 --> 00:19:38,250
I didn't tell him. I would tell him

529
00:19:38,409 --> 00:19:40,390
I'm going here. So I would get caught

530
00:19:40,390 --> 00:19:43,197
in these locks... Eyes for no reason, like

531
00:19:43,197 --> 00:19:45,355
just silliness. So I was never a very

532
00:19:45,355 --> 00:19:45,855
honest

533
00:19:47,033 --> 00:19:48,152
kid. And

534
00:19:48,951 --> 00:19:51,119
it... But drinking with it was not a

535
00:19:51,119 --> 00:19:53,028
problem in high school. I I was not

536
00:19:53,028 --> 00:19:54,699
at... I was even... I would say in

537
00:19:54,699 --> 00:19:57,006
every weekend drinker at all. So you were

538
00:19:57,006 --> 00:19:59,175
the. Occasional drinker, you enjoyed it when you

539
00:19:59,175 --> 00:20:00,132
did it? Yeah.

540
00:20:01,010 --> 00:20:03,165
And and the times that you got in

541
00:20:03,165 --> 00:20:05,240
trouble that your folks found out about it.

542
00:20:05,652 --> 00:20:07,239
We're talking about a time that's,

543
00:20:08,112 --> 00:20:08,588
let's say,

544
00:20:09,382 --> 00:20:11,683
5 to 8 or 9 years past your...

545
00:20:11,922 --> 00:20:13,747
The first time you ever experienced.

546
00:20:14,319 --> 00:20:14,819
Aa.

547
00:20:15,196 --> 00:20:17,748
Oh, yeah. Okay see your day. Yeah. Did

548
00:20:17,748 --> 00:20:19,583
did your dad ever say anything to you

549
00:20:19,583 --> 00:20:21,816
during that time about drinking? No. He didn't.

550
00:20:22,055 --> 00:20:24,783
Mh. That's good. That's good. The reason I'm

551
00:20:24,783 --> 00:20:26,858
saying that's good is because a parent. Yeah.

552
00:20:27,178 --> 00:20:28,615
I know that there's nothing that I could

553
00:20:28,615 --> 00:20:29,673
say to my children

554
00:20:31,249 --> 00:20:33,655
to dis them except to get... Share my

555
00:20:33,655 --> 00:20:36,194
own experience about being an alcoholic, and I

556
00:20:36,194 --> 00:20:38,042
had to do that with my own kids

557
00:20:38,097 --> 00:20:39,867
at some point and

558
00:20:40,732 --> 00:20:41,926
I think it I think it made a

559
00:20:41,926 --> 00:20:43,779
big difference in their lives, but

560
00:20:44,154 --> 00:20:46,724
I also know that it's very difficult for

561
00:20:46,861 --> 00:20:48,236
people who are in na

562
00:20:48,612 --> 00:20:51,037
to influence their own kids stay sober

563
00:20:51,491 --> 00:20:52,764
beyond their own experience.

564
00:20:53,719 --> 00:20:55,629
So your your dad was... I guess he

565
00:20:55,629 --> 00:20:57,697
was pretty cool about that with you. Yeah.

566
00:20:58,016 --> 00:21:01,298
I... Maybe he'd he didn't see... I... You

567
00:21:01,298 --> 00:21:03,212
know, I was definitely more

568
00:21:03,611 --> 00:21:04,887
monitored by my mother.

569
00:21:06,322 --> 00:21:07,758
She wanted to know what was going on

570
00:21:07,758 --> 00:21:09,048
who Was going with where I was go

571
00:21:09,048 --> 00:21:11,196
in to call the check. I didn't see

572
00:21:11,196 --> 00:21:12,707
that as much for my dad probably because

573
00:21:12,707 --> 00:21:14,060
my mom has already taken care of it.

574
00:21:14,298 --> 00:21:15,753
Yeah. And so

575
00:21:16,544 --> 00:21:19,499
I think they both understood that people in

576
00:21:19,499 --> 00:21:20,698
in high school are gonna...

577
00:21:21,497 --> 00:21:23,666
There's gonna be alcohol around So... But they

578
00:21:23,666 --> 00:21:25,736
had to punish us. I mean, we couldn't

579
00:21:25,736 --> 00:21:26,236
just

580
00:21:26,692 --> 00:21:27,966
just drink. And,

581
00:21:28,921 --> 00:21:30,195
oh, this is 1 thing I haven't told

582
00:21:30,195 --> 00:21:31,723
you My dad owned a liquor, store.

583
00:21:32,521 --> 00:21:34,217
So 1 of our family businesses

584
00:21:34,595 --> 00:21:36,110
is a liquor store. And

585
00:21:37,067 --> 00:21:38,902
and, you know, it's it's a good business.

586
00:21:40,497 --> 00:21:43,218
And it always bothered my dad once he

587
00:21:43,218 --> 00:21:45,626
was in the program, but he had aa

588
00:21:45,683 --> 00:21:47,830
people working there. It was... It was kind

589
00:21:47,830 --> 00:21:48,625
of baffling, but,

590
00:21:49,420 --> 00:21:52,072
bothered It started to bother him later, you

591
00:21:52,072 --> 00:21:54,949
know, as he was so longer. He was

592
00:21:54,949 --> 00:21:57,346
like, just... It doesn't feel right or something,

593
00:21:57,506 --> 00:22:00,075
but it supported a lot of things, and

594
00:22:00,075 --> 00:22:02,934
so it it was not sold until much

595
00:22:02,934 --> 00:22:05,397
later in his life. So I had... My

596
00:22:05,397 --> 00:22:07,622
family was involved in a liquor store when

597
00:22:07,701 --> 00:22:09,942
I was 18, and I was, you know,

598
00:22:10,022 --> 00:22:12,566
a senior in high school. I we try

599
00:22:12,566 --> 00:22:14,076
to get the booze from there. You know,

600
00:22:14,156 --> 00:22:14,974
it was just

601
00:22:15,826 --> 00:22:17,200
out call was around, but,

602
00:22:19,119 --> 00:22:21,119
it wasn't... I don't know. I I never

603
00:22:21,119 --> 00:22:22,480
would go in the liquor... You know, I

604
00:22:22,480 --> 00:22:23,140
would never

605
00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:26,330
get in trouble trying to... A so your

606
00:22:26,330 --> 00:22:27,682
friends were trying to get you to go

607
00:22:27,682 --> 00:22:29,512
in and get them liquor. They really weren't.

608
00:22:29,671 --> 00:22:31,899
Like, we we were scared of that liquor

609
00:22:31,899 --> 00:22:34,308
store. Like, we've even avoided it because

610
00:22:34,778 --> 00:22:36,688
because it was... You get in trouble but.

611
00:22:36,927 --> 00:22:40,111
We'd know. Yeah. Yeah. Like, somebody everybody knew

612
00:22:40,111 --> 00:22:40,770
who we

613
00:22:41,304 --> 00:22:43,931
were. So wasn't gonna... We couldn't get alcohol

614
00:22:43,931 --> 00:22:44,663
that way. But

615
00:22:45,939 --> 00:22:48,092
it it was it was in the family.

616
00:22:48,491 --> 00:22:49,527
Put it that way. It was a business.

617
00:22:49,687 --> 00:22:51,840
My grand dad started. So I I went

618
00:22:51,840 --> 00:22:54,562
off to college. I I left. 08:18

619
00:22:54,562 --> 00:22:54,721
and,

620
00:22:55,515 --> 00:22:56,707
never wanted to go, but I, you know,

621
00:22:56,866 --> 00:22:58,534
being from a small town and everybody knows

622
00:22:58,534 --> 00:23:00,654
you. I I really wanted to leave in

623
00:23:00,853 --> 00:23:02,601
and never lived there again. That was my

624
00:23:02,601 --> 00:23:04,427
goal when I left. I loved my parents,

625
00:23:04,586 --> 00:23:05,880
but did not wanna

626
00:23:06,254 --> 00:23:08,716
gold in a small town. I really wanted...

627
00:23:09,049 --> 00:23:10,563
To live a big city life. So I

628
00:23:10,563 --> 00:23:12,555
left when I was 18. We grew up,

629
00:23:12,714 --> 00:23:14,626
kinda going into Dallas as the big city,

630
00:23:14,945 --> 00:23:17,256
and I just loved Dallas. That's so. I

631
00:23:17,256 --> 00:23:18,825
went to the college, really close to Dallas

632
00:23:18,864 --> 00:23:21,561
was Tc. In Fort worth, that is when

633
00:23:21,720 --> 00:23:23,861
I fell in love with drinking. Is that

634
00:23:23,861 --> 00:23:25,606
a party school? Would you say? I would

635
00:23:25,606 --> 00:23:27,684
say it is. And was I would say

636
00:23:27,684 --> 00:23:29,827
it even shifted to the party school in

637
00:23:29,827 --> 00:23:31,574
the nineties. So I was there at 96.

638
00:23:31,732 --> 00:23:33,558
That was my freshman year. I was a

639
00:23:33,558 --> 00:23:36,274
big cheerleader. I mean, I did it. All

640
00:23:36,274 --> 00:23:38,271
through high school and taught it in the

641
00:23:38,271 --> 00:23:39,869
summer. And I did it for a job.

642
00:23:40,508 --> 00:23:41,786
I knew I wanted to be a cheerleader

643
00:23:41,786 --> 00:23:42,585
leader in college.

644
00:23:43,159 --> 00:23:45,634
Get to Tc my freshman year. I find

645
00:23:45,634 --> 00:23:47,789
that that, you know, the TTI

646
00:23:47,789 --> 00:23:48,768
make the team

647
00:23:49,386 --> 00:23:51,642
within a month, I went to 2 practices

648
00:23:51,941 --> 00:23:53,951
and quit. It was the love of my

649
00:23:53,951 --> 00:23:56,185
life for since I was 12, and I

650
00:23:56,185 --> 00:23:57,542
thought I would do it all 4 years

651
00:23:57,542 --> 00:23:59,159
in college and I discovered

652
00:23:59,776 --> 00:24:02,109
alcohol and and partying with so much more

653
00:24:02,109 --> 00:24:03,390
fun than getting up at 8 in the

654
00:24:03,390 --> 00:24:05,470
morning to go to cheer. So you just

655
00:24:05,470 --> 00:24:07,150
just decided to quit it up. I gave

656
00:24:07,150 --> 00:24:09,549
it up. That was the first time, my

657
00:24:09,549 --> 00:24:12,033
dad and said, well, why are you doing

658
00:24:12,033 --> 00:24:13,646
that? Is that because you wanna

659
00:24:14,339 --> 00:24:16,509
drink and hang out, You know, and and

660
00:24:17,123 --> 00:24:19,208
party more and us and I was like,

661
00:24:19,288 --> 00:24:21,521
no. That's not it. It's just... I don't

662
00:24:21,601 --> 00:24:23,435
I don't wanna do it. In college. She

663
00:24:23,435 --> 00:24:25,110
told him a story, but you... You what

664
00:24:25,110 --> 00:24:25,769
you knew

665
00:24:26,944 --> 00:24:28,873
totally new that I did not wanna put

666
00:24:28,873 --> 00:24:31,204
in the work. It's too hard. When.

667
00:24:31,739 --> 00:24:34,287
Yeah. Yeah. No. That I got in the

668
00:24:34,287 --> 00:24:35,799
way. That would have gotten in the way.

669
00:24:36,038 --> 00:24:38,610
Big time to I chose pledge Short, and

670
00:24:38,610 --> 00:24:40,930
and I really was meeting all these new

671
00:24:40,930 --> 00:24:42,230
fun girls, and

672
00:24:42,610 --> 00:24:45,009
and we were all in on Thursday, Friday

673
00:24:45,009 --> 00:24:47,345
and Saturday night. Didn't miss a Thursday Friday

674
00:24:47,345 --> 00:24:49,265
or Saturday night by freshman here.

675
00:24:49,984 --> 00:24:52,464
I I'd I really... What kind of drink

676
00:24:52,464 --> 00:24:54,636
were you? Were you a blackout? Drinker or

677
00:24:54,636 --> 00:24:57,505
worse... Yes. You were. Not always. U. It

678
00:24:57,505 --> 00:24:59,179
wasn't every night. But

679
00:24:59,896 --> 00:25:02,779
yes, I would drink until... I I drank

680
00:25:02,779 --> 00:25:04,689
until I couldn't, you know, until the bar

681
00:25:04,689 --> 00:25:07,315
closed. And then if we were going somewhere

682
00:25:07,315 --> 00:25:09,225
afterwards, I was there. So you had no

683
00:25:09,225 --> 00:25:12,100
self regulation. No. Mh. What did you think

684
00:25:12,100 --> 00:25:14,714
about that at the time? During college, I...

685
00:25:15,031 --> 00:25:16,933
During that freshman year, I didn't really think

686
00:25:16,933 --> 00:25:18,335
about it as much because I felt like

687
00:25:18,615 --> 00:25:20,934
everybody was doing that. Sure. I felt like

688
00:25:20,934 --> 00:25:23,095
we were all, you know, drinking like I

689
00:25:23,095 --> 00:25:25,414
drink, but I don't know that they were.

690
00:25:25,654 --> 00:25:27,494
But when I went home to Marshall for

691
00:25:27,494 --> 00:25:29,817
this summer, that summer after the freshman year,

692
00:25:29,976 --> 00:25:32,302
and I found myself wanting to drink

693
00:25:32,675 --> 00:25:34,581
every day. It was a... It was I

694
00:25:34,581 --> 00:25:37,201
was missing drinking because, you, Was home with

695
00:25:37,201 --> 00:25:39,287
my... Mom and dad and not doing much,

696
00:25:39,526 --> 00:25:41,518
and I got a summer job, but I

697
00:25:41,757 --> 00:25:42,814
I found myself

698
00:25:43,190 --> 00:25:46,229
go wanting to go get you know, whiskey

699
00:25:46,229 --> 00:25:47,660
to put in my diet coke at night.

700
00:25:48,375 --> 00:25:50,442
While it it's home. Oh you own? Not

701
00:25:50,442 --> 00:25:52,923
drinking with anybody else. And that that was,

702
00:25:53,003 --> 00:25:55,238
like, well, that's not... That's probably not normal.

703
00:25:55,478 --> 00:25:57,633
So you were pretty habit to alcohol by

704
00:25:57,633 --> 00:26:00,267
that point. Yeah. I mean, all through college

705
00:26:00,267 --> 00:26:00,985
drinking was...

706
00:26:01,640 --> 00:26:04,039
Was important to me. Mh. It it was...

707
00:26:04,279 --> 00:26:06,359
If it wasn't around, I didn't wanna go.

708
00:26:07,640 --> 00:26:09,331
So what were the consequence is from all

709
00:26:09,331 --> 00:26:11,638
that drinking and college. The content which has

710
00:26:11,638 --> 00:26:14,047
started in college. So I was hospitalized.

711
00:26:14,820 --> 00:26:16,899
Junior year. I was probably 20 21.

712
00:26:17,454 --> 00:26:18,350
I was drinking

713
00:26:19,039 --> 00:26:19,515
heavily.

714
00:26:20,149 --> 00:26:22,686
I was dating who became my husband. We're

715
00:26:22,686 --> 00:26:23,424
we're out

716
00:26:23,894 --> 00:26:25,974
and and I'm passed out. And it's, like,

717
00:26:26,134 --> 00:26:29,015
08:00. And he's concerned and and he's like,

718
00:26:29,174 --> 00:26:31,434
how did she drink so much already? And

719
00:26:31,748 --> 00:26:34,055
and there was a bartender that he was

720
00:26:34,055 --> 00:26:36,203
concerned had slipped something in my drink. It's

721
00:26:36,203 --> 00:26:38,112
kind of the time when the... When...

722
00:26:38,845 --> 00:26:40,605
People were getting slipped, you know.

723
00:26:41,404 --> 00:26:43,964
Roof. Yes. So... And this bartender had kind

724
00:26:43,964 --> 00:26:44,464
of

725
00:26:44,845 --> 00:26:47,404
rev reputation for possibly doing this to girls,

726
00:26:47,740 --> 00:26:49,900
So that was his immediate thought. I don't

727
00:26:49,900 --> 00:26:52,220
remember the night at all, but he called

728
00:26:52,220 --> 00:26:52,880
my sister

729
00:26:53,259 --> 00:26:53,759
and

730
00:26:54,140 --> 00:26:56,380
said something's wrong with Marcy. I think she's

731
00:26:56,380 --> 00:26:58,546
been drugged. She can't walk. She can't talk.

732
00:26:58,785 --> 00:26:59,820
It's 09:00.

733
00:27:00,059 --> 00:27:01,253
What what do we do and he's told...

734
00:27:01,492 --> 00:27:02,845
She's said, well, we've probably got take her

735
00:27:02,845 --> 00:27:04,357
to the hospital, said they did.

736
00:27:05,247 --> 00:27:07,867
Was no drugs found in my body, and

737
00:27:07,867 --> 00:27:11,202
my alcohol level is neuro coma. So my

738
00:27:11,202 --> 00:27:13,505
parents were called, and they came up to

739
00:27:13,585 --> 00:27:15,768
Fort worth, and that was the first time

740
00:27:15,983 --> 00:27:19,400
they were concerned. That that incident started

741
00:27:20,671 --> 00:27:20,989
their...

742
00:27:21,625 --> 00:27:22,299
And questioning

743
00:27:22,756 --> 00:27:25,545
my drinking behavior, and me starting to hide

744
00:27:25,545 --> 00:27:27,299
it. What was that feeling like when they

745
00:27:27,299 --> 00:27:29,211
came in the room and saw you? Oh,

746
00:27:29,451 --> 00:27:31,944
I'm I thought this is all a mistake.

747
00:27:33,144 --> 00:27:35,325
You guys have labor over reacted.

748
00:27:36,505 --> 00:27:38,345
I... You know, I hadn't eaten all day.

749
00:27:38,664 --> 00:27:38,904
Yeah.

750
00:27:39,559 --> 00:27:42,680
The alcohol, I really, you know, I really

751
00:27:42,680 --> 00:27:44,519
still think something was put in my drink,

752
00:27:45,160 --> 00:27:46,894
you know, all the otherwise, you're you're telling

753
00:27:47,094 --> 00:27:47,834
and and

754
00:27:48,213 --> 00:27:49,572
and they were like, well,

755
00:27:50,211 --> 00:27:51,490
I don't see any of your other friends.

756
00:27:51,650 --> 00:27:54,606
You know, everybody drinks Yeah. Shot and... So

757
00:27:54,606 --> 00:27:56,579
they weren't buying the lie where they. Oh

758
00:27:57,176 --> 00:27:57,494
No.

759
00:27:58,368 --> 00:28:00,436
No. Your dad probably saw right through it

760
00:28:00,436 --> 00:28:01,628
to sydney me. Yeah.

761
00:28:02,503 --> 00:28:04,650
Yeah. They asked me if I was drinking

762
00:28:04,650 --> 00:28:06,730
daily, Marcy did, do you black out every

763
00:28:06,730 --> 00:28:09,267
time you drink. Of course, I'm no. No.

764
00:28:09,504 --> 00:28:11,406
This never up. This is never happened.

765
00:28:12,516 --> 00:28:15,634
Yeah. So the lies got started. They continued,

766
00:28:15,873 --> 00:28:17,787
and and I really did start to try

767
00:28:17,787 --> 00:28:20,579
to control this thing. Like, okay. I can't

768
00:28:20,579 --> 00:28:23,211
get sloppy. This is not working out. I

769
00:28:23,211 --> 00:28:24,980
gotta that's tough. Slow.

770
00:28:25,936 --> 00:28:26,892
We'll be right back.

771
00:28:27,689 --> 00:28:30,637
My friends, if you're enjoying Aa recovery interviews,

772
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791
00:29:16,161 --> 00:29:17,040
And we're back.

792
00:29:18,572 --> 00:29:19,630
The question is

793
00:29:20,006 --> 00:29:22,237
about your your boyfriend at the time who

794
00:29:22,237 --> 00:29:23,353
eventually became your husband.

795
00:29:24,548 --> 00:29:26,640
How did your drinking change as a result

796
00:29:26,640 --> 00:29:27,700
of that real

797
00:29:28,079 --> 00:29:29,440
relationship or did it stay the same, and

798
00:29:29,440 --> 00:29:31,359
he was just added to the party? We

799
00:29:31,359 --> 00:29:32,960
did party together. I always...

800
00:29:33,519 --> 00:29:35,039
My drinking was always...

801
00:29:35,453 --> 00:29:37,836
An issue with him. My relationship with my

802
00:29:37,836 --> 00:29:39,662
girlfriends changed. I spent a lot more time

803
00:29:39,662 --> 00:29:42,283
with him. Yeah. I understandable. Yeah. And so...

804
00:29:42,442 --> 00:29:44,531
And we drank together, and I always

805
00:29:45,079 --> 00:29:47,972
drink him every time. So he wanted to

806
00:29:48,030 --> 00:29:49,386
slow down or stop at some point.

807
00:29:50,184 --> 00:29:53,076
I don't wouldn't say that, but he couldn't

808
00:29:53,214 --> 00:29:55,484
understand why I would have to get so

809
00:29:55,861 --> 00:29:58,330
drunk. And and it would... It was a

810
00:29:58,330 --> 00:30:00,481
question that that carried through? Like, why do

811
00:30:00,481 --> 00:30:01,517
you have to drink so much?

812
00:30:02,408 --> 00:30:04,633
I drink before I saw him and and

813
00:30:04,633 --> 00:30:05,133
then,

814
00:30:05,507 --> 00:30:07,414
you know, he would think my fur my

815
00:30:07,414 --> 00:30:09,003
first drink with him was my first drink.

816
00:30:09,893 --> 00:30:11,484
Yeah. He didn't like to drink his much

817
00:30:11,484 --> 00:30:13,950
as I did. It was always more important

818
00:30:13,950 --> 00:30:14,609
for me

819
00:30:15,302 --> 00:30:17,228
whenever we were together. Like Well, let's get

820
00:30:17,228 --> 00:30:18,585
a bottle of wine, or we're gonna watch

821
00:30:18,585 --> 00:30:19,863
a movie at your house. Let's get a

822
00:30:19,863 --> 00:30:21,460
bottle of wine. I always had to have

823
00:30:21,460 --> 00:30:23,695
alcohol. So you mentioned that there were some...

824
00:30:23,855 --> 00:30:25,850
That that was an issue between you.

825
00:30:26,502 --> 00:30:28,801
And him... We're talking about the years between,

826
00:30:28,960 --> 00:30:29,356
let's say,

827
00:30:30,862 --> 00:30:33,820
22 23, and whenever it was you guys

828
00:30:34,049 --> 00:30:37,341
got married, and then that pre proceeds Aa

829
00:30:37,399 --> 00:30:39,872
by how many years. Let's see. So I

830
00:30:39,872 --> 00:30:42,903
was 26 when I got my first seat...

831
00:30:43,221 --> 00:30:46,101
My only for and only D and went

832
00:30:46,101 --> 00:30:47,771
to Aa, and then we got married at

833
00:30:47,771 --> 00:30:50,020
25. So... But we were together

834
00:30:50,474 --> 00:30:54,230
since I was 19. So 19 to 25

835
00:30:54,230 --> 00:30:56,230
years old, and then my first Day a

836
00:30:56,230 --> 00:30:58,630
meeting here was 26. Okay. So you were

837
00:30:58,630 --> 00:30:59,190
26.

838
00:30:59,430 --> 00:31:01,349
Mh. When you went to that first. Yeah.

839
00:31:01,589 --> 00:31:03,682
Aa meeting. Yeah. And he was he was

840
00:31:03,682 --> 00:31:04,398
not with me.

841
00:31:05,195 --> 00:31:06,628
When I got arrested,

842
00:31:07,185 --> 00:31:09,335
He was already home that night, I stayed

843
00:31:09,335 --> 00:31:11,899
at the bars to keep drinking. Mh. And...

844
00:31:12,219 --> 00:31:13,977
With other friends or by yourself? No. With

845
00:31:13,977 --> 00:31:15,975
other friends, and I took a friend home

846
00:31:15,975 --> 00:31:17,573
and then got pulled over on the way

847
00:31:17,573 --> 00:31:18,633
home by myself

848
00:31:19,172 --> 00:31:21,090
to... Then they arrested me as they should

849
00:31:21,090 --> 00:31:23,259
have. I was driving in a blackout. Did

850
00:31:23,259 --> 00:31:25,354
they do a breath at the scene? I'd

851
00:31:25,412 --> 00:31:27,725
refused the breath fertilizer, but they did a

852
00:31:27,725 --> 00:31:28,943
roadside test and

853
00:31:29,320 --> 00:31:32,208
and that is sufficient? That was efficient. They

854
00:31:32,208 --> 00:31:34,124
took me in. What did that situation look

855
00:31:34,124 --> 00:31:36,518
like when you got to the police station

856
00:31:36,518 --> 00:31:38,354
and and everything else What were you thinking

857
00:31:38,354 --> 00:31:38,753
at the time?

858
00:31:39,871 --> 00:31:42,224
It was terrible bowl. I was horrified

859
00:31:43,164 --> 00:31:44,525
in more fear than I've ever been in

860
00:31:44,525 --> 00:31:46,605
in my life at that moment. Yeah. Not

861
00:31:46,605 --> 00:31:48,845
knowing what's gonna happen. Right. Not knowing what's

862
00:31:48,845 --> 00:31:51,340
gonna happen, just awful Who was the first

863
00:31:51,340 --> 00:31:53,740
person you called? My husband. Your husband. I

864
00:31:53,740 --> 00:31:54,619
called my husband first.

865
00:31:55,180 --> 00:31:56,539
And you guys been married a year.

866
00:31:57,180 --> 00:31:59,109
Not even problem even a year and you're

867
00:31:59,109 --> 00:32:00,404
getting arrested for D?

868
00:32:00,858 --> 00:32:02,686
Yeah. When you went to the police station,

869
00:32:02,925 --> 00:32:04,435
did they put you in jail for the

870
00:32:04,435 --> 00:32:06,343
night? Yes. That will they take you out

871
00:32:06,343 --> 00:32:08,586
to a women's holding facility Facility. Yeah.

872
00:32:09,701 --> 00:32:10,599
The the

873
00:32:10,975 --> 00:32:13,785
transportation from downtown because they take you downtown

874
00:32:14,081 --> 00:32:15,754
as a woman to book you, but then

875
00:32:15,754 --> 00:32:18,073
they take you out to this other facility

876
00:32:18,073 --> 00:32:20,850
that's not anywhere near downtown, It's a women's

877
00:32:20,850 --> 00:32:21,723
holding facility.

878
00:32:22,278 --> 00:32:24,103
And then if you're there for 24 hours,

879
00:32:24,261 --> 00:32:26,845
then they take you to back downtown and

880
00:32:26,903 --> 00:32:28,896
to county or something. So I was downtown,

881
00:32:29,055 --> 00:32:30,193
and this officer

882
00:32:31,925 --> 00:32:33,414
tells me that I can make a call

883
00:32:33,695 --> 00:32:35,875
before I go, and I called my husband

884
00:32:36,174 --> 00:32:37,695
and told him what was happening.

885
00:32:38,174 --> 00:32:39,855
I don't remember how that call went, but

886
00:32:39,934 --> 00:32:41,455
I do believe you woke up, I, it

887
00:32:41,455 --> 00:32:42,575
was like, 2 or 3 in the morning.

888
00:32:42,988 --> 00:32:44,104
And he's the 1 that came to get

889
00:32:44,104 --> 00:32:46,574
me out the next day. What happened on

890
00:32:46,574 --> 00:32:49,840
the way to the women's holding facility I

891
00:32:49,840 --> 00:32:50,055
got

892
00:32:50,888 --> 00:32:53,452
I was in so much fear and

893
00:32:53,826 --> 00:32:56,231
in an alcoholic haze and

894
00:32:57,557 --> 00:32:58,057
craziness

895
00:32:58,510 --> 00:32:59,010
that

896
00:32:59,875 --> 00:33:01,488
I... Okay. So

897
00:33:01,942 --> 00:33:02,180
so,

898
00:33:02,975 --> 00:33:05,041
I was handcuffed in the back seat, and

899
00:33:05,121 --> 00:33:07,520
I'm asking the police off sir who's telling

900
00:33:07,520 --> 00:33:09,824
me... Because I didn't recognize anywhere I was

901
00:33:09,824 --> 00:33:10,618
going and

902
00:33:11,253 --> 00:33:12,842
and I'm asking him where you taking me?

903
00:33:13,160 --> 00:33:14,908
You said 8 miles. It's been longer.

904
00:33:15,638 --> 00:33:15,876
And,

905
00:33:17,465 --> 00:33:17,965
the

906
00:33:18,498 --> 00:33:20,802
the officer wouldn't answer me. And so I

907
00:33:20,802 --> 00:33:23,186
shi and started kicking my way out of

908
00:33:23,186 --> 00:33:25,510
the cup car. Window. I did all the

909
00:33:25,510 --> 00:33:27,504
way. I didn't know that. Yeah. I did.

910
00:33:27,664 --> 00:33:29,578
It's okay. I don't... You know, my parent,

911
00:33:29,738 --> 00:33:30,774
my mom might hear this.

912
00:33:31,971 --> 00:33:34,457
So she she was not like me just

913
00:33:34,457 --> 00:33:36,525
sharing that everywhere. Oh, okay. Well, I didn't

914
00:33:36,525 --> 00:33:38,672
realize that that but No It's fine. The

915
00:33:38,672 --> 00:33:40,501
thing about that story that gets me is

916
00:33:40,501 --> 00:33:42,489
that you... They had to switch you to

917
00:33:42,489 --> 00:33:44,813
another cop car. Because I because I did

918
00:33:44,813 --> 00:33:46,647
kick it all the way out. Yeah. And

919
00:33:46,647 --> 00:33:48,163
that yank the cop who you or in

920
00:33:48,163 --> 00:33:51,608
the? Yeah. Yeah. Did they kinda go? He

921
00:33:51,608 --> 00:33:51,768
went.

922
00:33:52,725 --> 00:33:54,719
Pulled all over and wrestled me to the...

923
00:33:55,277 --> 00:33:58,068
Oh, no. Yeah was terrible and I had

924
00:33:58,068 --> 00:34:00,780
have handcuffs on, and, yeah. Was he's like,

925
00:34:01,114 --> 00:34:02,864
kicked it out and was trying... I mean,

926
00:34:03,102 --> 00:34:03,262
I kept...

927
00:34:04,057 --> 00:34:05,887
After this whole thing, I kept waiting to

928
00:34:05,887 --> 00:34:08,369
see myself on the Tv show kicked box.

929
00:34:09,007 --> 00:34:10,684
You know? I was... And and I was

930
00:34:10,684 --> 00:34:12,680
horrible that really did. That was the beginning

931
00:34:12,680 --> 00:34:15,575
of, like, I'm not drinking anymore that terrible

932
00:34:15,953 --> 00:34:18,679
And yeah. So I I barely made it,

933
00:34:18,838 --> 00:34:21,143
like, my legs were cut up and because

934
00:34:21,302 --> 00:34:23,686
I saved the window out the car. Yes.

935
00:34:23,925 --> 00:34:26,786
That's wild. That's how my bad. I want

936
00:34:26,786 --> 00:34:28,415
out of there. Well, I can

937
00:34:28,869 --> 00:34:30,699
determined that. I imagine if you were doing

938
00:34:30,699 --> 00:34:32,847
that you weren't buckled in. Right? I didn't...

939
00:34:33,085 --> 00:34:34,930
I don't think On there I was not

940
00:34:34,930 --> 00:34:36,601
back I was paycheck that. So I was

941
00:34:36,601 --> 00:34:38,114
trying to shi me my way out of

942
00:34:38,114 --> 00:34:39,149
a moving car car.

943
00:34:40,342 --> 00:34:42,333
It makes sense the the jump doesn't it.

944
00:34:42,571 --> 00:34:45,212
I mean, yeah. That's how messed up I

945
00:34:45,212 --> 00:34:46,961
was. And this is at 26 years old,

946
00:34:47,518 --> 00:34:48,018
and

947
00:34:48,631 --> 00:34:51,494
they pull over and and another officer arrives,

948
00:34:51,653 --> 00:34:53,737
and they took... Me to the Macau holding

949
00:34:53,737 --> 00:34:54,635
facility where

950
00:34:55,089 --> 00:34:55,806
hours later,

951
00:34:56,601 --> 00:34:57,954
from my husband came to get me. So

952
00:34:57,954 --> 00:34:59,760
you were freaking out I was out... Take

953
00:34:59,958 --> 00:35:01,806
Must made that must have freaked the cop

954
00:35:01,860 --> 00:35:04,001
too. It did. Wild woman in the back

955
00:35:04,001 --> 00:35:05,586
backseat seat. Wild the woman. And

956
00:35:06,855 --> 00:35:08,856
you know... Still to this stay. It's a

957
00:35:08,856 --> 00:35:10,844
it's a haze of what was going on,

958
00:35:11,082 --> 00:35:11,321
but

959
00:35:12,434 --> 00:35:13,967
I was charged with the D.

960
00:35:14,422 --> 00:35:16,768
Yeah. And that was it. And Court was

961
00:35:16,907 --> 00:35:18,903
awful. I... You know, you go for almost

962
00:35:18,903 --> 00:35:20,340
a year and you have to do the

963
00:35:20,340 --> 00:35:22,016
community service and they take your license then.

964
00:35:22,176 --> 00:35:23,235
I mean, all the things

965
00:35:23,693 --> 00:35:25,130
after the probation,

966
00:35:25,623 --> 00:35:28,162
it comes off your record and it got

967
00:35:28,162 --> 00:35:30,304
me into my first day Meeting. So you

968
00:35:30,304 --> 00:35:32,209
were sentenced, like, a lot of people off

969
00:35:32,209 --> 00:35:34,234
in Rf. Or Dui wise or D,

970
00:35:34,769 --> 00:35:37,577
or Pi i's. You were sentenced to Aa

971
00:35:37,793 --> 00:35:39,942
to x number of meetings. Did you have

972
00:35:39,942 --> 00:35:41,953
to get a paper signed. I believe I

973
00:35:41,953 --> 00:35:44,191
did. Mh. A paper sign. I had to

974
00:35:44,191 --> 00:35:47,068
take some sort of drunk driving course. Yeah.

975
00:35:47,467 --> 00:35:49,226
That was 6 weeks long. I... You know,

976
00:35:49,385 --> 00:35:50,755
I had to do a lot of things

977
00:35:50,755 --> 00:35:52,105
to check a lot of boxes.

978
00:35:52,503 --> 00:35:54,829
But but I don't remember having to get

979
00:35:54,885 --> 00:35:58,085
an Aa paper signed very long or very

980
00:35:58,793 --> 00:36:01,759
very much Pretty short term yeah punishment

981
00:36:02,372 --> 00:36:04,122
Yeah. What were you thinking when you were

982
00:36:04,122 --> 00:36:05,315
sitting in those Aa meeting?

983
00:36:05,886 --> 00:36:07,632
Well, I went to the first 1, so

984
00:36:07,632 --> 00:36:09,537
you you remember of my my first day,

985
00:36:09,855 --> 00:36:11,442
meaning, when you were 12. When I was

986
00:36:11,442 --> 00:36:12,712
12, And so I go...

987
00:36:13,203 --> 00:36:14,474
I find the club,

988
00:36:15,349 --> 00:36:18,051
and I walk in there, and I was

989
00:36:18,051 --> 00:36:18,948
almost relieved

990
00:36:19,561 --> 00:36:21,786
because I saw girls there, my age.

991
00:36:22,518 --> 00:36:22,997
I saw...

992
00:36:23,874 --> 00:36:25,231
You know, it was just like a mixed

993
00:36:25,231 --> 00:36:27,225
crap, there were tons of people there. And

994
00:36:27,305 --> 00:36:29,060
I was like, well, oh, wow.

995
00:36:29,555 --> 00:36:29,795
Okay.

996
00:36:30,434 --> 00:36:30,934
And

997
00:36:31,235 --> 00:36:32,675
a friend of mine, it was kind of

998
00:36:32,675 --> 00:36:34,594
a god thing, a friend of mine that

999
00:36:34,675 --> 00:36:36,434
I had been in college with, who I

1000
00:36:36,434 --> 00:36:37,795
knew, but we didn't hang out a lot.

1001
00:36:38,128 --> 00:36:39,634
Was in the rooms and 2 years sober.

1002
00:36:39,872 --> 00:36:42,725
Oh, wow. So she pulls me aside,

1003
00:36:43,438 --> 00:36:45,340
you know, tells me... Erin he's gonna be

1004
00:36:45,675 --> 00:36:46,075
k.

1005
00:36:46,715 --> 00:36:49,114
And I was geared sober at that time

1006
00:36:49,114 --> 00:36:51,195
in my life because I have a going

1007
00:36:51,195 --> 00:36:52,575
to court and

1008
00:36:52,888 --> 00:36:54,719
I never wanted to go to Jail again.

1009
00:36:55,514 --> 00:36:58,300
Houston texas was like, I was I was

1010
00:36:58,300 --> 00:37:00,130
scared. And then when I saw her at

1011
00:37:00,130 --> 00:37:02,063
that first meeting, and she was

1012
00:37:02,532 --> 00:37:06,425
So happy and cute and fun, still without

1013
00:37:06,425 --> 00:37:08,093
alcohol. And I was like, well, she's fun.

1014
00:37:08,649 --> 00:37:09,149
So

1015
00:37:09,699 --> 00:37:12,811
I I clicked to her and followed her

1016
00:37:12,811 --> 00:37:14,647
around, like, a little puppy dog. And she

1017
00:37:14,647 --> 00:37:16,643
said, well, this isn't the meeting in town.

1018
00:37:16,882 --> 00:37:17,974
I wanna take you to other

1019
00:37:18,492 --> 00:37:20,957
meetings if you wanna go and she, and

1020
00:37:21,116 --> 00:37:22,706
I met her at various meetings,

1021
00:37:23,422 --> 00:37:25,274
oliver her town and she kind of

1022
00:37:25,887 --> 00:37:26,340
broke

1023
00:37:27,257 --> 00:37:28,235
the Aa

1024
00:37:28,772 --> 00:37:31,165
for me, if you will. And and I

1025
00:37:31,165 --> 00:37:31,665
really,

1026
00:37:32,441 --> 00:37:34,515
you know, I really appreciate that. When you

1027
00:37:34,515 --> 00:37:36,030
were still pretty young at this point. Yeah.

1028
00:37:36,444 --> 00:37:38,358
26. In 26, and you go into your

1029
00:37:38,358 --> 00:37:40,750
first a a meeting? Mh. How long did

1030
00:37:40,750 --> 00:37:41,228
that last?

1031
00:37:42,025 --> 00:37:44,577
Well, I stayed sober longer than I stayed

1032
00:37:44,577 --> 00:37:47,864
going to Aa. 20 Really? Yeah. III

1033
00:37:47,864 --> 00:37:50,577
was having really good results, not drinking. I

1034
00:37:50,577 --> 00:37:52,333
got a better... I got a job. Mh.

1035
00:37:52,492 --> 00:37:53,370
A job I let.

1036
00:37:54,021 --> 00:37:56,166
I felt better. I slept better. I looked

1037
00:37:56,166 --> 00:37:56,404
better.

1038
00:37:57,436 --> 00:37:59,502
My... The home life was better. You know,

1039
00:37:59,581 --> 00:38:03,092
everything was better. So I just but meetings,

1040
00:38:03,410 --> 00:38:04,442
I did not love.

1041
00:38:05,157 --> 00:38:07,381
The woman that was helping me, like, she

1042
00:38:07,381 --> 00:38:10,185
was really involved in A, and I just

1043
00:38:10,320 --> 00:38:11,751
didn't ever find myself.

1044
00:38:12,804 --> 00:38:15,284
Really involved or working the steps. And what

1045
00:38:15,284 --> 00:38:17,364
was your relationship with your dad like... Oh,

1046
00:38:17,684 --> 00:38:18,005
exciting.

1047
00:38:18,724 --> 00:38:20,918
It got exciting. You got it exciting. While

1048
00:38:20,976 --> 00:38:22,412
you were... You were in the program. He's

1049
00:38:22,412 --> 00:38:24,246
in the program. Yes. The 2 of you

1050
00:38:24,246 --> 00:38:26,241
could speak the same language? Yes. What was

1051
00:38:26,241 --> 00:38:28,155
that like? Well, I think for him, it

1052
00:38:28,155 --> 00:38:30,564
was probably like, working with a Po or

1053
00:38:30,564 --> 00:38:33,040
something. Pretty hopeful in it. Yes. Like the

1054
00:38:33,040 --> 00:38:34,478
energy behind it was very

1055
00:38:34,958 --> 00:38:36,954
hopeful, exciting, you know, just

1056
00:38:38,951 --> 00:38:39,902
I think there was relief.

1057
00:38:41,091 --> 00:38:43,944
So... But he wanted for you what he

1058
00:38:43,944 --> 00:38:46,337
had. But you didn't want from him what

1059
00:38:46,337 --> 00:38:48,635
you had. Well, yeah. He wanted for me

1060
00:38:48,635 --> 00:38:51,251
what what he had, but I didn't I

1061
00:38:51,251 --> 00:38:53,256
didn't want. How he got it. Like, you

1062
00:38:53,256 --> 00:38:55,731
know, like that, I really didn't understand like,

1063
00:38:55,970 --> 00:38:56,470
why

1064
00:38:57,247 --> 00:38:59,242
I had to do Aa. When I was

1065
00:38:59,402 --> 00:39:01,726
I was doing just fine. Not drinking. So

1066
00:39:01,726 --> 00:39:03,635
you did just fine You did just fine

1067
00:39:03,635 --> 00:39:04,453
for a while

1068
00:39:04,828 --> 00:39:06,578
8. Yeah. How long did you stay sober

1069
00:39:06,578 --> 00:39:08,726
that kind. I I don't remember but it

1070
00:39:08,726 --> 00:39:11,446
was at least until the coordinates were over,

1071
00:39:11,844 --> 00:39:13,356
and and I had this new job. So

1072
00:39:13,356 --> 00:39:15,186
it was probably about a year, and I

1073
00:39:15,186 --> 00:39:16,084
started drinking

1074
00:39:16,459 --> 00:39:19,021
again. I started drinking again and did not

1075
00:39:19,021 --> 00:39:19,840
have the consequences

1076
00:39:20,376 --> 00:39:23,005
like, before right away. So so it was

1077
00:39:23,005 --> 00:39:25,474
working out. Yeah. So you became a functional

1078
00:39:25,474 --> 00:39:27,705
alcoholic. Right. Right. Yeah. What was that like?

1079
00:39:28,119 --> 00:39:29,813
Not as much fun, but I definitely

1080
00:39:30,268 --> 00:39:32,339
wanted to be drinking again. We were in

1081
00:39:32,339 --> 00:39:33,932
the time in our life where a lot

1082
00:39:33,932 --> 00:39:35,684
of our friends were getting married, so we

1083
00:39:35,684 --> 00:39:39,043
were going to fun places, and and I

1084
00:39:39,043 --> 00:39:41,034
wanted to be drinking at every place I

1085
00:39:41,034 --> 00:39:44,537
went. And even work required me to travel

1086
00:39:44,537 --> 00:39:47,173
all the time. To really fun places and

1087
00:39:47,173 --> 00:39:50,508
nice dinners and and I wanted to drink

1088
00:39:50,508 --> 00:39:52,572
at those places. So you could drink on

1089
00:39:52,572 --> 00:39:54,001
the company dime. Right.

1090
00:39:54,810 --> 00:39:56,714
And you were traveling, so you could drink

1091
00:39:56,714 --> 00:39:57,214
in

1092
00:39:58,063 --> 00:40:01,475
airplanes, hotels Hotels? Yes. Wow, that's an ideal.

1093
00:40:01,649 --> 00:40:02,682
Set up for an alcoholic in?

1094
00:40:03,477 --> 00:40:05,146
It was. Did you ever get out of

1095
00:40:05,146 --> 00:40:08,009
hand? Oh, yeah. In what ways. Unable to

1096
00:40:08,009 --> 00:40:09,757
go to work the next day because I'm

1097
00:40:09,757 --> 00:40:10,496
so hung.

1098
00:40:10,950 --> 00:40:13,597
Set so missing work. I didn't ever have

1099
00:40:13,597 --> 00:40:16,707
another consequence like a D, so it was

1100
00:40:16,707 --> 00:40:18,861
all manageable. But but I was lying. I

1101
00:40:18,861 --> 00:40:20,376
was lying to people. I was telling my

1102
00:40:20,376 --> 00:40:22,949
mom and dad I wasn't drinking still. So

1103
00:40:22,949 --> 00:40:25,429
so the lie was getting tough. And people

1104
00:40:25,429 --> 00:40:27,750
who aren't problem drinking don't have to tell

1105
00:40:27,750 --> 00:40:29,910
people that they're not drinking. Right? They don't.

1106
00:40:30,306 --> 00:40:33,480
No. They don't. It's so it's so obvious

1107
00:40:33,480 --> 00:40:36,019
and right. No. Yeah. So so your husband

1108
00:40:36,019 --> 00:40:37,862
knew that they're you were drinking, even though

1109
00:40:37,862 --> 00:40:39,852
you were denying it, The folks knew that

1110
00:40:39,852 --> 00:40:41,466
you were probably drinking,

1111
00:40:42,398 --> 00:40:44,641
everybody knew except to the... Extent that you

1112
00:40:44,641 --> 00:40:47,027
didn't wanna admit it. Right. So how long

1113
00:40:47,027 --> 00:40:49,573
did that get why? Well, I I had

1114
00:40:49,573 --> 00:40:52,052
my son during all that... To so I

1115
00:40:52,052 --> 00:40:55,150
got pregnant with my son in 2009.

1116
00:40:55,467 --> 00:40:57,850
And so so it it lasted for a

1117
00:40:57,850 --> 00:40:58,350
good

1118
00:40:58,724 --> 00:40:59,224
5

1119
00:40:59,851 --> 00:41:02,499
07:10 years. This often on

1120
00:41:03,431 --> 00:41:03,931
drinking.

1121
00:41:04,465 --> 00:41:06,215
Did you stop drinking while you were pregnant?

1122
00:41:06,865 --> 00:41:09,007
Mostly. I was very sick when I was

1123
00:41:09,007 --> 00:41:09,325
pregnant.

1124
00:41:09,880 --> 00:41:12,102
But I did have wine. The what I

1125
00:41:12,102 --> 00:41:14,402
would tell myself is that that... That's okay.

1126
00:41:16,172 --> 00:41:18,650
People used to drink when when they were

1127
00:41:18,650 --> 00:41:19,449
pregnant, you know,

1128
00:41:20,727 --> 00:41:22,325
before they knew that it was bad.

1129
00:41:22,818 --> 00:41:24,327
And so that was the lie I would

1130
00:41:24,327 --> 00:41:26,711
tell myself. I I was I was too

1131
00:41:26,711 --> 00:41:28,936
sick pregnant. So I really didn't wanna drink.

1132
00:41:29,094 --> 00:41:31,240
Yeah. It wasn't a... It wasn't until after.

1133
00:41:31,494 --> 00:41:33,808
I had him that that I started drinking

1134
00:41:33,808 --> 00:41:35,405
daily. It was the first time I really

1135
00:41:35,405 --> 00:41:38,358
started drinking daily in my life. So here

1136
00:41:38,358 --> 00:41:41,250
you you'd you started Drinking after that aa,

1137
00:41:41,489 --> 00:41:42,230
court mandated

1138
00:41:42,849 --> 00:41:45,569
sentence yeah expired. You went all way through

1139
00:41:45,569 --> 00:41:47,409
having the kid. Yeah. So I'm in my

1140
00:41:47,409 --> 00:41:49,337
early thirties. Was about 2011.

1141
00:41:49,496 --> 00:41:52,201
He's 2 or 3 that I'm drinking daily.

1142
00:41:52,757 --> 00:41:54,826
I'm back to work. I only took, you

1143
00:41:54,826 --> 00:41:56,988
know, 2 months off. Yeah. When I had

1144
00:41:56,988 --> 00:41:59,079
my son. So I'm I'm back in this

1145
00:41:59,136 --> 00:42:01,840
cycle of of drinking again, and it started

1146
00:42:01,840 --> 00:42:04,324
to become daily every night, to So I'd

1147
00:42:04,324 --> 00:42:06,481
put my son to bed and, you know,

1148
00:42:06,721 --> 00:42:09,119
I... Just counting down the minutes to to

1149
00:42:09,119 --> 00:42:11,756
have my wine and and I drank until

1150
00:42:11,836 --> 00:42:13,768
I passed out every night. What was your

1151
00:42:13,768 --> 00:42:15,364
husband saying about it at the time?

1152
00:42:16,242 --> 00:42:17,679
You drink too much. Why do you have

1153
00:42:17,679 --> 00:42:19,355
to drink every night? This is a problem?

1154
00:42:19,594 --> 00:42:21,292
You should stop. To the childcare?

1155
00:42:22,404 --> 00:42:23,203
Default to him?

1156
00:42:23,842 --> 00:42:25,601
No. We had a full time nanny. We

1157
00:42:25,601 --> 00:42:28,078
were both in very high demand jobs and

1158
00:42:28,078 --> 00:42:30,156
we had... She didn't live with us, but

1159
00:42:30,315 --> 00:42:31,688
I would get home from work. And then

1160
00:42:31,688 --> 00:42:33,923
my Nanny would leave, and I would, you

1161
00:42:33,923 --> 00:42:36,397
know, have my wine and take care of

1162
00:42:36,397 --> 00:42:37,834
our son, and he would to bed 08:00.

1163
00:42:38,074 --> 00:42:40,802
Yeah. You know? So I a whole few

1164
00:42:40,802 --> 00:42:43,595
more hours. So to drink and my husband

1165
00:42:43,595 --> 00:42:44,653
can understand

1166
00:42:45,111 --> 00:42:47,719
why I was having to drink every... Out

1167
00:42:47,839 --> 00:42:50,624
night. Mh. And most of those nights get

1168
00:42:50,624 --> 00:42:50,942
drunk.

1169
00:42:52,215 --> 00:42:54,682
He and my parents because they knew it

1170
00:42:54,682 --> 00:42:57,007
by this time I was drinking again, encourage

1171
00:42:57,007 --> 00:42:58,920
me to go back to Aa. And I...

1172
00:42:59,159 --> 00:43:00,513
I did go back to Aa again in

1173
00:43:00,513 --> 00:43:02,346
my thirties. In your thirties. Mh.

1174
00:43:02,916 --> 00:43:04,921
So was that at the end of people's

1175
00:43:05,056 --> 00:43:06,640
urging you to do so? Or did you

1176
00:43:06,640 --> 00:43:09,175
make that decision for yourself? No. My... I

1177
00:43:09,175 --> 00:43:09,413
went.

1178
00:43:10,143 --> 00:43:11,418
Because of people urging me to do so?

1179
00:43:11,658 --> 00:43:13,252
Okay. So everybody wants you to go to

1180
00:43:13,331 --> 00:43:14,071
A, but.

1181
00:43:14,527 --> 00:43:16,600
But me. But yeah. So how long did

1182
00:43:16,600 --> 00:43:18,526
you go back? About 6 months Chase months.

1183
00:43:18,685 --> 00:43:20,351
And what was that like? Well, I got

1184
00:43:20,351 --> 00:43:20,827
a sponsor.

1185
00:43:21,542 --> 00:43:22,756
She was wonderful.

1186
00:43:23,446 --> 00:43:24,954
Now, this was at the same club that

1187
00:43:24,954 --> 00:43:27,588
you came in at? No. No. Found another

1188
00:43:27,588 --> 00:43:30,287
meeting. We had moved to this neighborhood.

1189
00:43:31,081 --> 00:43:34,177
I found the Thursday night meeting. I walked

1190
00:43:34,177 --> 00:43:35,900
into there 1 Thursday night to make... I

1191
00:43:36,336 --> 00:43:38,001
everybody happy at home. Yeah. And that's a

1192
00:43:38,001 --> 00:43:40,064
good meeting dot. It's a great meeting. Yeah.

1193
00:43:40,461 --> 00:43:40,778
And

1194
00:43:41,651 --> 00:43:44,533
I I've found, I mean, I called a

1195
00:43:44,533 --> 00:43:46,851
lady, the she gave me her card. I

1196
00:43:46,851 --> 00:43:48,129
called her the next day.

1197
00:43:49,408 --> 00:43:51,406
Because I had prop pretty sure I'd left

1198
00:43:51,406 --> 00:43:54,387
the meeting that night. And drank, and

1199
00:43:55,552 --> 00:43:57,138
she told me to call her, so I

1200
00:43:57,138 --> 00:43:59,279
did, and I asked her to sponsor me.

1201
00:43:59,596 --> 00:44:01,676
And I think I was torn. I I

1202
00:44:01,676 --> 00:44:04,164
think I wanted to want to be sober

1203
00:44:04,221 --> 00:44:06,288
at that point. I really did, and I

1204
00:44:06,288 --> 00:44:08,037
really fell in love with this woman, and

1205
00:44:08,037 --> 00:44:10,079
she was willing to help me and

1206
00:44:10,518 --> 00:44:12,111
everything she was saying made sense.

1207
00:44:13,147 --> 00:44:15,059
I knew... Like, it was, like, everything started

1208
00:44:15,059 --> 00:44:16,891
clicking this time. Like I'm willing to do

1209
00:44:16,891 --> 00:44:18,578
the work work I was not willing to

1210
00:44:18,578 --> 00:44:19,932
be honest with her or do the work.

1211
00:44:20,411 --> 00:44:22,641
That makes it tough. That's it. It's... Yeah.

1212
00:44:22,880 --> 00:44:25,508
It makes it very unsuccessful. I'm sad. I

1213
00:44:25,508 --> 00:44:27,756
got the result. The same result I've been

1214
00:44:27,756 --> 00:44:28,793
getting. In 6 months.

1215
00:44:29,751 --> 00:44:30,947
It III

1216
00:44:30,947 --> 00:44:33,022
was sober for about 3 of those 6

1217
00:44:33,022 --> 00:44:33,740
months. That's it.

1218
00:44:34,945 --> 00:44:35,445
Mh.

1219
00:44:36,373 --> 00:44:38,436
Yeah. And... Tell you the task on that

1220
00:44:38,436 --> 00:44:40,261
that she know that you were. Yes. Yeah.

1221
00:44:40,579 --> 00:44:42,825
Yeah. But and I felt really bad. And

1222
00:44:42,825 --> 00:44:45,299
and even to this day, when I worked

1223
00:44:45,299 --> 00:44:47,134
the steps this time, she was in amend

1224
00:44:47,134 --> 00:44:49,223
that I made. Because I felt like, I

1225
00:44:49,223 --> 00:44:50,494
had lied to her and

1226
00:44:51,369 --> 00:44:53,435
Manipulated her, just like I was doing to

1227
00:44:53,435 --> 00:44:54,730
my parents and

1228
00:44:55,422 --> 00:44:55,819
my

1229
00:44:56,932 --> 00:44:59,571
family, I was... Telling them 1 thing, I

1230
00:44:59,571 --> 00:45:01,480
was not being honest with myself.

1231
00:45:02,912 --> 00:45:04,901
And so... And I felt like she had,

1232
00:45:05,059 --> 00:45:06,333
you know, put in this time,

1233
00:45:07,223 --> 00:45:09,079
because I was telling her 1 thing and

1234
00:45:09,377 --> 00:45:10,653
thinking something else. And so,

1235
00:45:12,487 --> 00:45:14,163
I still haven't been back to that meeting.

1236
00:45:14,721 --> 00:45:16,635
Yeah. And here I... You know, over 3

1237
00:45:16,635 --> 00:45:18,724
years over, and it's a great... There's... I

1238
00:45:18,724 --> 00:45:19,920
know, you know, a lot of people that

1239
00:45:19,920 --> 00:45:21,516
go there, but it's still a good meaning.

1240
00:45:21,835 --> 00:45:23,510
Still a great meeting. And I... And and

1241
00:45:23,669 --> 00:45:25,663
I called her and made amend, and, I

1242
00:45:25,663 --> 00:45:28,148
mean, couldn't have couldn't have gone better. She

1243
00:45:28,148 --> 00:45:28,386
knew.

1244
00:45:29,023 --> 00:45:30,217
Is there a reason why you don't wanna

1245
00:45:30,217 --> 00:45:31,013
go back to that too.

1246
00:45:31,729 --> 00:45:34,117
No. You just... I'm haven't. You just said...

1247
00:45:34,355 --> 00:45:36,026
I just have it. It's 08:00 at night,

1248
00:45:36,186 --> 00:45:38,117
and I usually doing other things on a

1249
00:45:38,197 --> 00:45:39,955
Thursday night. I get that. Yeah get that.

1250
00:45:40,115 --> 00:45:41,015
Yeah. So

1251
00:45:41,633 --> 00:45:43,631
where are we at time frame wise? So

1252
00:45:43,631 --> 00:45:44,110
that's

1253
00:45:44,670 --> 00:45:47,229
my mid thirties. Mid thirties. We're talking about

1254
00:45:47,229 --> 00:45:47,729
the

1255
00:45:48,102 --> 00:45:49,293
2000 tens...

1256
00:45:50,167 --> 00:45:53,159
Yes. Yeah. Yeah. My son's pretty little still

1257
00:45:53,678 --> 00:45:56,150
the hit 4 or 5. Okay. So so

1258
00:45:56,230 --> 00:45:57,746
I did the Aac thing again,

1259
00:45:58,942 --> 00:46:00,298
just for that brief time.

1260
00:46:01,016 --> 00:46:03,144
Had you convince yourself by that time that

1261
00:46:03,740 --> 00:46:06,441
that a wasn't for you. You you had

1262
00:46:06,441 --> 00:46:08,029
your own ways of wanting to do things.

1263
00:46:08,347 --> 00:46:10,730
Yeah. Well, I had convinced myself that I

1264
00:46:10,730 --> 00:46:11,206
did not...

1265
00:46:11,858 --> 00:46:14,172
That with the job I had. Yeah. That

1266
00:46:14,332 --> 00:46:15,290
I was not gonna be able to do

1267
00:46:15,369 --> 00:46:17,604
A aa. What the people in Were telling

1268
00:46:17,604 --> 00:46:19,121
me to do? Because you were so busy.

1269
00:46:19,280 --> 00:46:20,965
I was was busy, I was traveling all

1270
00:46:20,965 --> 00:46:21,465
over,

1271
00:46:21,840 --> 00:46:24,384
you know, the country. And drinking was just

1272
00:46:24,384 --> 00:46:26,554
all part of the scenery and Yeah,

1273
00:46:27,087 --> 00:46:28,041
I couldn't get a meeting. I was like,

1274
00:46:28,200 --> 00:46:29,963
I can't get a meeting. So Wow. So

1275
00:46:30,122 --> 00:46:32,108
I'm never here. And I wasn't it. I

1276
00:46:32,108 --> 00:46:34,014
really wasn't it, but there were meetings all

1277
00:46:34,014 --> 00:46:36,239
heard the place. Not could've have gone to

1278
00:46:36,239 --> 00:46:38,956
meeting. Well so... Take us from that point

1279
00:46:38,956 --> 00:46:40,786
up to the point when the bottom fell

1280
00:46:40,786 --> 00:46:43,172
out, and and you got into aa...

1281
00:46:43,729 --> 00:46:46,529
Everything fell Howard. When I had gotten into

1282
00:46:46,529 --> 00:46:49,554
aa again in my thirties and messed up

1283
00:46:49,554 --> 00:46:52,521
up relationship with the sponsor who I really

1284
00:46:52,578 --> 00:46:54,905
respected. Oh, yeah. I art I didn't wanna

1285
00:46:54,905 --> 00:46:55,704
go back to Aa.

1286
00:46:56,265 --> 00:46:58,284
I wanted to drink 1 of the consequences

1287
00:46:58,425 --> 00:47:00,824
to go away, but they didn't. They got

1288
00:47:00,824 --> 00:47:03,379
worse. I ended up losing everything. So I

1289
00:47:03,379 --> 00:47:04,726
lost the job that I loved.

1290
00:47:06,786 --> 00:47:08,212
I lost the marriage.

1291
00:47:08,943 --> 00:47:09,443
That,

1292
00:47:10,616 --> 00:47:12,210
you know, was the love of my life

1293
00:47:12,210 --> 00:47:13,087
since I was 19.

1294
00:47:14,601 --> 00:47:17,981
My son... You know, I that my family

1295
00:47:18,990 --> 00:47:21,134
for the first time, split apart because of

1296
00:47:21,134 --> 00:47:21,610
my drinking.

1297
00:47:23,039 --> 00:47:24,786
In 2018,

1298
00:47:27,666 --> 00:47:30,077
it was a... That was a a year

1299
00:47:30,135 --> 00:47:32,046
where everything changed in my home life.

1300
00:47:33,400 --> 00:47:34,117
My husband,

1301
00:47:35,484 --> 00:47:38,186
was told at 1 of the treatment centers

1302
00:47:38,266 --> 00:47:39,481
I went to that

1303
00:47:40,333 --> 00:47:41,922
drinking had been such a big part of

1304
00:47:41,922 --> 00:47:42,422
our

1305
00:47:43,432 --> 00:47:45,061
life that that

1306
00:47:45,594 --> 00:47:47,264
it was gonna have to be removed from

1307
00:47:47,264 --> 00:47:47,741
the house.

1308
00:47:48,536 --> 00:47:49,036
And

1309
00:47:50,047 --> 00:47:51,399
and and and not that I wanna tell

1310
00:47:51,399 --> 00:47:52,694
his story, but

1311
00:47:53,149 --> 00:47:53,649
he

1312
00:47:53,959 --> 00:47:55,628
heard that, it has not had a drink

1313
00:47:55,628 --> 00:47:55,867
since.

1314
00:47:56,503 --> 00:47:58,275
And he wanted

1315
00:47:59,682 --> 00:48:01,352
that for me. Like, when I was in

1316
00:48:01,352 --> 00:48:02,942
that treatment center in 20018,

1317
00:48:03,594 --> 00:48:07,102
we decided our family's gonna say together, we're

1318
00:48:07,102 --> 00:48:09,494
gonna be sober. This is a sober home.

1319
00:48:10,052 --> 00:48:11,727
We're gonna raise our son in a sober

1320
00:48:11,727 --> 00:48:12,126
environment.

1321
00:48:12,699 --> 00:48:14,608
When you come home, that's it. No more.

1322
00:48:14,926 --> 00:48:17,096
Drinking. And I went home

1323
00:48:17,789 --> 00:48:18,187
and drank.

1324
00:48:19,062 --> 00:48:21,184
And he has never drank sent. And so

1325
00:48:21,861 --> 00:48:23,317
so the relationship ended

1326
00:48:23,693 --> 00:48:25,922
shortly after... But he's down a, is he?

1327
00:48:26,241 --> 00:48:27,037
No. Okay.

1328
00:48:27,753 --> 00:48:30,157
No. A? Did A on for a while.

1329
00:48:30,396 --> 00:48:30,635
Yeah.

1330
00:48:31,273 --> 00:48:33,026
And would probably go back.

1331
00:48:33,902 --> 00:48:36,373
Yeah. I love that program. Yeah. Love that

1332
00:48:36,373 --> 00:48:36,873
program

1333
00:48:37,344 --> 00:48:38,617
1 of those things that kinda led up

1334
00:48:38,617 --> 00:48:40,526
to the deb divorce too, because

1335
00:48:41,162 --> 00:48:43,151
Does give people a different perspective on their

1336
00:48:43,151 --> 00:48:46,432
lives. Oh, yeah. And boundaries and and, you

1337
00:48:46,432 --> 00:48:49,564
know, detached with love. He worked that program

1338
00:48:49,782 --> 00:48:52,434
and detached with love and gave boundaries

1339
00:48:52,891 --> 00:48:53,391
and

1340
00:48:53,862 --> 00:48:54,894
was very,

1341
00:48:57,356 --> 00:48:59,421
I mean, stern with the... This is not

1342
00:48:59,421 --> 00:49:00,136
a drinking home.

1343
00:49:00,851 --> 00:49:01,010
So,

1344
00:49:01,978 --> 00:49:03,010
when I would drink,

1345
00:49:03,804 --> 00:49:06,980
he asked me to leave. So anytime a

1346
00:49:06,980 --> 00:49:08,750
relapse or a drink was

1347
00:49:09,203 --> 00:49:10,473
happening or he and he knew,

1348
00:49:11,282 --> 00:49:14,059
every time. So Where did you go when

1349
00:49:14,059 --> 00:49:16,043
you left? A hotel. A hotel. Was a

1350
00:49:16,043 --> 00:49:18,662
very sad existence for a while. That's where

1351
00:49:18,662 --> 00:49:20,667
my alcohol is a took me. I was

1352
00:49:20,667 --> 00:49:21,805
not working. I was.

1353
00:49:23,459 --> 00:49:25,055
My family didn't want me around if I'm

1354
00:49:25,055 --> 00:49:28,260
drinking, but yet, it's the obsession, and it's

1355
00:49:28,260 --> 00:49:29,775
all I could think about. It's all... You

1356
00:49:29,775 --> 00:49:31,529
know, I would wake up every morning. I'm

1357
00:49:31,529 --> 00:49:32,805
not gonna drink, and then I would be

1358
00:49:32,805 --> 00:49:33,305
drinking

1359
00:49:33,762 --> 00:49:36,487
by noon. Mh. But he's like, you can't

1360
00:49:36,487 --> 00:49:37,841
be around our kid. You're not gonna be

1361
00:49:37,841 --> 00:49:38,718
around our son.

1362
00:49:39,435 --> 00:49:41,608
So I would go to a hotel and,

1363
00:49:42,382 --> 00:49:43,155
you know, it's

1364
00:49:44,308 --> 00:49:46,797
just for 2 days and drink and then

1365
00:49:47,490 --> 00:49:49,160
try to guess somewhere. And I would end

1366
00:49:49,160 --> 00:49:50,925
up in it, like, a sober living or

1367
00:49:50,925 --> 00:49:54,108
a... Another recovery center? I'm curious about the

1368
00:49:54,108 --> 00:49:56,177
frame of mind that you had during that

1369
00:49:56,177 --> 00:49:56,416
time.

1370
00:49:57,053 --> 00:49:59,780
Were you going to the halfway houses or

1371
00:49:59,780 --> 00:50:01,956
treatment to change the consequences

1372
00:50:02,573 --> 00:50:04,329
or were you going because you really wanted

1373
00:50:04,329 --> 00:50:05,925
to get sober? I really wanted to get

1374
00:50:05,925 --> 00:50:07,618
sober. You felt that way deep down.

1375
00:50:08,736 --> 00:50:11,313
Yes. Yeah. You know, we

1376
00:50:11,851 --> 00:50:14,658
when we did split up... And then I

1377
00:50:14,817 --> 00:50:15,931
I came back in here.

1378
00:50:17,603 --> 00:50:20,070
I came back to Aa. Last resort. Right?

1379
00:50:20,627 --> 00:50:22,617
Nothing else is working. I've been to treatment,

1380
00:50:23,669 --> 00:50:26,945
everybody around me can get sober, but I'm

1381
00:50:26,945 --> 00:50:29,262
still drinking, which something's wrong with me. Oh,

1382
00:50:29,342 --> 00:50:31,180
gosh. There's that Aa. Gotta go back to

1383
00:50:31,180 --> 00:50:33,817
aa. So I'm go... I come back here,

1384
00:50:34,055 --> 00:50:37,230
and and this was the a meeting and

1385
00:50:37,230 --> 00:50:38,579
a group of people that told me.

1386
00:50:39,548 --> 00:50:41,778
To come back. Like, come back if you

1387
00:50:41,778 --> 00:50:41,938
drink.

1388
00:50:42,734 --> 00:50:45,362
So I did that, and it saved me.

1389
00:50:45,840 --> 00:50:48,150
I didn't feel like I couldn't come back,

1390
00:50:49,279 --> 00:50:50,870
how long did you do that for? I

1391
00:50:50,870 --> 00:50:54,052
mean, a a year 20 20 to 05/23/2021.

1392
00:50:54,290 --> 00:50:56,755
Okay with months of sobriety here and there.

1393
00:50:57,169 --> 00:51:00,122
Because I remember you on the Zoom. Yeah.

1394
00:51:00,361 --> 00:51:02,936
When you had slipped and then you you

1395
00:51:03,713 --> 00:51:04,591
surprisingly said,

1396
00:51:05,403 --> 00:51:07,159
I need to get a desired chip or

1397
00:51:07,318 --> 00:51:09,152
I drank. Yeah. And you had a couple

1398
00:51:09,152 --> 00:51:11,386
months or something. 30 days, I think days.

1399
00:51:11,784 --> 00:51:13,460
Like first time you get a 30 day

1400
00:51:13,460 --> 00:51:15,708
chip. And how many times you get a

1401
00:51:15,708 --> 00:51:18,338
decade shipped during that time. At least at

1402
00:51:18,338 --> 00:51:20,730
least 3. 3 times. Yeah. But I even

1403
00:51:20,730 --> 00:51:22,484
got a 90 day chip twice. Yeah. And

1404
00:51:22,563 --> 00:51:24,889
I remember that too. Did You know, it

1405
00:51:24,889 --> 00:51:27,859
talks about the insanity. I'd never felt insane

1406
00:51:28,077 --> 00:51:30,307
until I look back and realize how insane

1407
00:51:30,387 --> 00:51:33,032
I was. Couldn't shake that obsession, and then

1408
00:51:33,192 --> 00:51:35,424
I wasn't doing everything I was being told

1409
00:51:35,424 --> 00:51:38,236
to do. Mh. I wasn't calling. I wasn't

1410
00:51:38,533 --> 00:51:40,702
really opening up to my sponsor yet. I

1411
00:51:40,702 --> 00:51:42,936
was I was still trying to do this

1412
00:51:42,936 --> 00:51:45,032
on my own and trying to figure out

1413
00:51:45,809 --> 00:51:48,456
everything, You know, instead of just following instructions.

1414
00:51:48,854 --> 00:51:51,083
I remember I remember the early days when

1415
00:51:51,083 --> 00:51:51,583
you

1416
00:51:52,356 --> 00:51:54,107
when we came off of Covid, and we

1417
00:51:54,107 --> 00:51:55,675
went back to the live meetings was having

1418
00:51:55,714 --> 00:51:56,750
the first time you had go on the

1419
00:51:56,750 --> 00:51:59,619
live meetings here at this particular club. I

1420
00:51:59,778 --> 00:52:01,769
I had started coming about a month before

1421
00:52:01,769 --> 00:52:03,858
it shut down. Okay. So So you you

1422
00:52:03,858 --> 00:52:05,456
came, and then we went to the Zoom,

1423
00:52:05,856 --> 00:52:06,516
and then

1424
00:52:06,894 --> 00:52:08,812
how how much time passed until you were

1425
00:52:08,812 --> 00:52:09,531
back live.

1426
00:52:10,250 --> 00:52:11,541
I came back to wouldn't it open back

1427
00:52:11,541 --> 00:52:13,612
up Okay. So very quickly. It was a

1428
00:52:13,612 --> 00:52:15,284
small group of us. Yeah. But I was

1429
00:52:15,284 --> 00:52:16,718
here every everyday. And we were meeting on

1430
00:52:16,718 --> 00:52:18,390
the parking lot out. We did that too.

1431
00:52:18,629 --> 00:52:21,662
Yeah. Yep is to be away from confined

1432
00:52:21,662 --> 00:52:24,200
space. Yes. And masks, we wore masks here

1433
00:52:24,200 --> 00:52:25,865
for a lot more masks here as well.

1434
00:52:26,103 --> 00:52:27,213
Yeah. When we came back in.

1435
00:52:28,340 --> 00:52:29,769
It was the highlight of my data to

1436
00:52:29,769 --> 00:52:31,597
come here every day. And,

1437
00:52:32,152 --> 00:52:34,877
there Covid was unique in itself. It was

1438
00:52:35,012 --> 00:52:36,227
being an unemployed,

1439
00:52:36,681 --> 00:52:37,078
you know,

1440
00:52:38,920 --> 00:52:40,746
trying to get... My families let me back

1441
00:52:40,746 --> 00:52:42,890
in the house. I'm walking on egg shells.

1442
00:52:43,129 --> 00:52:45,273
I couldn't wait to come out to any

1443
00:52:45,273 --> 00:52:47,155
meaning. It was... It was the first time

1444
00:52:47,353 --> 00:52:50,315
in my life, in all of my history

1445
00:52:50,371 --> 00:52:53,469
with with the program that I was really

1446
00:52:53,469 --> 00:52:55,534
seeking it. So you really wanted it by

1447
00:52:55,534 --> 00:52:58,090
this. I I'm... Was starting to believe what

1448
00:52:58,090 --> 00:52:59,916
y'all were saying that y'all were actually happy.

1449
00:53:00,313 --> 00:53:02,536
This is the first time that Marcy is

1450
00:53:02,536 --> 00:53:04,703
doing this for Marcy, not for the folks

1451
00:53:05,076 --> 00:53:07,563
percent family. Hundred percent. Your kid not for

1452
00:53:07,563 --> 00:53:07,722
your...

1453
00:53:08,442 --> 00:53:09,880
I guess your ads. They're all a part

1454
00:53:09,880 --> 00:53:12,197
of it, but a hundred percent. I have...

1455
00:53:12,517 --> 00:53:14,515
I mean, I cannot live like this anymore.

1456
00:53:15,007 --> 00:53:16,675
I'm going to die. So you hit your

1457
00:53:16,675 --> 00:53:18,502
bottom? Yeah. Sounds like you might have hit

1458
00:53:18,502 --> 00:53:21,044
it a few times? I did. Yeah. Well

1459
00:53:21,044 --> 00:53:22,395
what was that like? Did you think you'd

1460
00:53:22,395 --> 00:53:24,637
get back? I thought each bottom would be

1461
00:53:24,637 --> 00:53:26,786
done would be the last 1. It can't

1462
00:53:26,786 --> 00:53:29,173
get cannot get worse than this. It can't,

1463
00:53:29,333 --> 00:53:31,418
and it believe me it can. Had you

1464
00:53:31,418 --> 00:53:33,252
ever gotten to the point that you felt

1465
00:53:33,252 --> 00:53:35,326
like giving up on Aa and just giving

1466
00:53:35,326 --> 00:53:37,478
up in general? No. So you had a

1467
00:53:37,478 --> 00:53:40,190
sense of hope. Mh. While you were wanting...

1468
00:53:40,603 --> 00:53:42,828
Yes. This program to work. Yes.

1469
00:53:44,735 --> 00:53:47,809
Big time. I never lost hope. I think

1470
00:53:47,929 --> 00:53:49,445
the people trying to support me did.

1471
00:53:50,162 --> 00:53:52,156
I don't think my dad did. He he

1472
00:53:52,156 --> 00:53:53,990
helped my mom a lot through that process.

1473
00:53:54,629 --> 00:53:56,963
You know, she's gotta want this. We cannot

1474
00:53:57,021 --> 00:53:58,944
control it. A blessing for your dad to

1475
00:53:58,944 --> 00:54:01,406
bring that perspective to the family. And to

1476
00:54:01,406 --> 00:54:03,867
my husband and everybody, you know, you wanna

1477
00:54:03,867 --> 00:54:05,932
control it. You wanna fix it. You wanna

1478
00:54:05,932 --> 00:54:07,614
make it better or... What Or you wanna

1479
00:54:07,614 --> 00:54:09,918
give up on it? Thank goodness that my

1480
00:54:09,918 --> 00:54:10,815
family was

1481
00:54:11,427 --> 00:54:14,762
involved in either Ale or Aa program and

1482
00:54:14,762 --> 00:54:17,557
new other Aa members. Or Allen I members

1483
00:54:17,557 --> 00:54:20,017
to talk to. Because the reason we're together

1484
00:54:20,017 --> 00:54:22,715
today. My family's together today, and this is...

1485
00:54:22,954 --> 00:54:23,771
It's a miracle

1486
00:54:24,559 --> 00:54:26,400
We've been through it all. At what point

1487
00:54:26,400 --> 00:54:27,599
did you get the sense that this was

1488
00:54:27,599 --> 00:54:30,400
gonna work long long term for you? Mh,

1489
00:54:30,960 --> 00:54:32,887
or could work. Long term for you. As

1490
00:54:32,887 --> 00:54:34,238
long as you continue to do what you

1491
00:54:34,238 --> 00:54:35,827
needed to do. Did you get the sense

1492
00:54:35,827 --> 00:54:37,496
of the... The other shoe gonna drop and

1493
00:54:37,496 --> 00:54:39,139
you go back out to drinking or

1494
00:54:39,497 --> 00:54:41,166
did you hang on in such a way

1495
00:54:41,166 --> 00:54:42,302
that you kind of

1496
00:54:42,756 --> 00:54:43,869
protected yourself from that?

1497
00:54:44,505 --> 00:54:47,129
I I think this last sober living house

1498
00:54:47,129 --> 00:54:49,847
that I went to was that was... There

1499
00:54:49,847 --> 00:54:51,301
was a moment when

1500
00:54:52,550 --> 00:54:54,777
I been doing the same thing over... The

1501
00:54:54,777 --> 00:54:57,176
the bottoms were were now, like, I'm I

1502
00:54:57,176 --> 00:54:59,320
can't be with my family. I'm have to

1503
00:54:59,320 --> 00:55:01,385
go to a hotel room to drink. This

1504
00:55:01,385 --> 00:55:03,608
there's no way to live. Right. Like, they're

1505
00:55:03,608 --> 00:55:05,673
consequently, I'm not in jail. I'm not... You

1506
00:55:05,673 --> 00:55:08,068
know, I I'm not sick. I'm not having

1507
00:55:08,068 --> 00:55:10,766
seizures. It was all like this is just

1508
00:55:10,766 --> 00:55:11,559
sad. Like it...

1509
00:55:12,987 --> 00:55:15,070
So there was a moment when I called

1510
00:55:15,070 --> 00:55:15,969
in my sponsor,

1511
00:55:17,230 --> 00:55:20,030
currently, who was my sponsor and that I

1512
00:55:20,030 --> 00:55:21,949
asked to sponsor me in 20 20. Yeah.

1513
00:55:22,510 --> 00:55:23,469
Has stuck with me,

1514
00:55:24,278 --> 00:55:27,053
while I... All... These relapse happened, and I

1515
00:55:27,053 --> 00:55:29,828
called her from the last hotel room, told

1516
00:55:29,828 --> 00:55:30,541
her my plan,

1517
00:55:31,747 --> 00:55:33,418
I'm going to go to this Sober living

1518
00:55:33,418 --> 00:55:34,930
house that he told me I could come

1519
00:55:34,930 --> 00:55:37,396
to. The the owner told me I could

1520
00:55:37,396 --> 00:55:39,067
come to if I if I blew a

1521
00:55:39,067 --> 00:55:41,229
0 in the breath l. And he said

1522
00:55:41,229 --> 00:55:42,525
you can come and

1523
00:55:43,137 --> 00:55:46,159
we'll get in and my sponsor said, you

1524
00:55:46,159 --> 00:55:48,067
know, how are you gonna do that? You're

1525
00:55:48,067 --> 00:55:49,657
in a hotel room? You can't stop drinking,

1526
00:55:49,816 --> 00:55:51,901
and And I said, I'm gonna lock myself

1527
00:55:51,901 --> 00:55:54,550
in. I'm and I'm gonna show up there

1528
00:55:54,607 --> 00:55:56,438
tomorrow. And and I did that,

1529
00:55:57,075 --> 00:56:00,034
and I had... A deep breath, and and

1530
00:56:00,114 --> 00:56:00,853
I remember

1531
00:56:01,865 --> 00:56:04,332
her telling me that she would continue.

1532
00:56:04,969 --> 00:56:06,560
She would start the steps over with me.

1533
00:56:07,849 --> 00:56:08,349
But

1534
00:56:09,046 --> 00:56:11,120
I had to be willing not to drink.

1535
00:56:11,679 --> 00:56:14,232
Like, it was that simple. Like jen... You

1536
00:56:14,232 --> 00:56:16,000
have to be willing not to drink. No

1537
00:56:16,000 --> 00:56:17,032
see you guys who who's was just not

1538
00:56:17,191 --> 00:56:19,336
No matter what. Yeah. And I was it

1539
00:56:19,336 --> 00:56:21,957
was that no matter what, and and I

1540
00:56:21,957 --> 00:56:24,023
agreed to that. And I told her, I

1541
00:56:24,023 --> 00:56:25,190
said the car rides to

1542
00:56:26,022 --> 00:56:28,878
our... My head is crazy. Oh, it's telling

1543
00:56:28,878 --> 00:56:30,623
me 1 thing, can I call you every

1544
00:56:30,623 --> 00:56:31,123
night

1545
00:56:31,654 --> 00:56:32,765
on the way there? And,

1546
00:56:33,494 --> 00:56:34,769
because it was, you know, a little bit

1547
00:56:34,769 --> 00:56:35,964
of a drive, and

1548
00:56:36,761 --> 00:56:38,673
and so she answered the phone every night,

1549
00:56:39,072 --> 00:56:40,665
and we talked for 30 minutes while I

1550
00:56:40,665 --> 00:56:41,165
drove

1551
00:56:41,541 --> 00:56:43,269
out to this sober living house every night

1552
00:56:43,468 --> 00:56:46,091
I started doing something different than I had

1553
00:56:46,091 --> 00:56:47,919
done before. Yeah. What were you doing during

1554
00:56:47,919 --> 00:56:49,668
the today? Were you working at this point?

1555
00:56:50,463 --> 00:56:50,914
I was... So

1556
00:56:51,675 --> 00:56:52,954
coming to meetings and,

1557
00:56:54,235 --> 00:56:55,454
trying to help

1558
00:56:56,074 --> 00:56:58,474
my family business. So so my husband has

1559
00:56:58,474 --> 00:57:00,807
a family business. He's started, and I had

1560
00:57:00,807 --> 00:57:03,840
helped him during my bout of sobriety, and

1561
00:57:03,840 --> 00:57:04,878
so I was doing that.

1562
00:57:05,755 --> 00:57:07,192
Okay. So how long did you live out

1563
00:57:07,192 --> 00:57:09,912
in this sober living? 42 days. I think...

1564
00:57:10,150 --> 00:57:11,896
I think it was exactly 42.

1565
00:57:12,134 --> 00:57:14,197
Would you consider that an integral part of

1566
00:57:14,197 --> 00:57:17,864
your sobriety or or getting sober. Staying so

1567
00:57:17,864 --> 00:57:20,432
than those days. Yeah. Because

1568
00:57:21,125 --> 00:57:22,977
because I needed a safe place

1569
00:57:23,590 --> 00:57:24,783
to to stay.

1570
00:57:25,755 --> 00:57:28,795
And this environment at this particular sober living

1571
00:57:28,795 --> 00:57:31,594
was safe. The women there wanted to be

1572
00:57:31,594 --> 00:57:33,607
sober. That was the first time I I'd

1573
00:57:33,607 --> 00:57:36,318
experienced that. It was smaller. There were not

1574
00:57:36,318 --> 00:57:37,994
a lot of people there, and,

1575
00:57:39,030 --> 00:57:41,285
the women were serious. And so

1576
00:57:42,141 --> 00:57:44,859
that first was helpful. But then I also

1577
00:57:44,859 --> 00:57:46,925
had the time in my day to meet

1578
00:57:46,925 --> 00:57:49,389
with my sponsor. We met once or twice

1579
00:57:49,389 --> 00:57:49,787
a week,

1580
00:57:50,359 --> 00:57:52,839
work the steps. We started doing other things

1581
00:57:52,839 --> 00:57:54,460
like listening to Joe and Charlie

1582
00:57:54,760 --> 00:57:56,599
tape. Yeah. With the steps, and,

1583
00:57:57,480 --> 00:57:59,500
that was how we work the steps and

1584
00:58:00,454 --> 00:58:02,695
we... You know, within 42

1585
00:58:02,695 --> 00:58:05,675
days, I'm making him amend to my

1586
00:58:06,055 --> 00:58:06,535
husband,

1587
00:58:06,934 --> 00:58:09,094
my son, with my with my therapist,

1588
00:58:09,746 --> 00:58:10,858
I was also seeing a therapist.

1589
00:58:11,971 --> 00:58:13,560
I I put it all in. At all

1590
00:58:13,560 --> 00:58:15,308
the work. Every day, I woke up this

1591
00:58:15,308 --> 00:58:17,612
program. So you went in. All in.

1592
00:58:18,264 --> 00:58:20,103
Tell me about your spiritual life at this

1593
00:58:20,103 --> 00:58:20,342
point.

1594
00:58:21,301 --> 00:58:24,098
I I prayed all the time. My spiritual

1595
00:58:24,098 --> 00:58:26,016
life is very different today. I like, I

1596
00:58:26,016 --> 00:58:28,108
just feel like there's been so much shift,

1597
00:58:28,425 --> 00:58:29,242
I was praying

1598
00:58:30,170 --> 00:58:31,201
praying with such

1599
00:58:33,659 --> 00:58:35,641
intent to be sober. Like, please take the

1600
00:58:35,641 --> 00:58:37,890
obsessed shift like, just. And then, you know,

1601
00:58:38,050 --> 00:58:40,067
I was told to give thanks

1602
00:58:40,525 --> 00:58:42,680
to god at night when I had us

1603
00:58:42,680 --> 00:58:45,210
sober day. So I practiced that and

1604
00:58:46,123 --> 00:58:48,109
I practiced the third step prayer daily.

1605
00:58:48,585 --> 00:58:50,015
So my prayer life was there,

1606
00:58:51,207 --> 00:58:52,183
was it as meaningful

1607
00:58:52,796 --> 00:58:55,074
as it is now no. But

1608
00:58:55,594 --> 00:58:57,591
because I was it was stressed. I was

1609
00:58:57,591 --> 00:59:00,148
just like I can imagine. Stressed out. Yeah.

1610
00:59:01,027 --> 00:59:03,752
Trying to fix everything but but knowing... And

1611
00:59:03,752 --> 00:59:06,137
my therapist too help me, I mean, there

1612
00:59:06,137 --> 00:59:08,600
was a time when I... I really believe

1613
00:59:08,600 --> 00:59:10,602
that God could fix the drinking problem. But

1614
00:59:10,760 --> 00:59:13,006
I didn't know if God could fix

1615
00:59:13,697 --> 00:59:14,331
the home life.

1616
00:59:15,125 --> 00:59:16,871
Because there was a lot of trust broken.

1617
00:59:17,109 --> 00:59:18,458
Oh, yeah. And damage done.

1618
00:59:19,108 --> 00:59:21,171
And my therapist is, like, well doubt you

1619
00:59:21,171 --> 00:59:21,909
believe that

1620
00:59:22,361 --> 00:59:24,662
got it power bigger than yourself. I mean,

1621
00:59:25,138 --> 00:59:26,090
if he can fix that,

1622
00:59:26,744 --> 00:59:28,744
Sounds like the part of a spiritual awakening

1623
00:59:28,744 --> 00:59:31,625
to me. It was. My spiritual awakening was

1624
00:59:31,625 --> 00:59:32,105
gradual.

1625
00:59:32,585 --> 00:59:33,945
This program, the steps.

1626
00:59:34,838 --> 00:59:37,316
My spiritual life, it... I'm a different person.

1627
00:59:37,556 --> 00:59:40,752
Yeah. I can validate that and verify that

1628
00:59:40,752 --> 00:59:42,350
because I was in the berry rooms that

1629
00:59:42,350 --> 00:59:45,164
you were getting sober and staying sober here

1630
00:59:45,164 --> 00:59:46,284
at this particular club,

1631
00:59:46,924 --> 00:59:49,085
and I happen to know your sponsor.

1632
00:59:49,484 --> 00:59:51,439
Yes. Right? Yeah. And

1633
00:59:51,817 --> 00:59:54,609
to straight. And and seeing the quality of

1634
00:59:54,609 --> 00:59:55,486
her sobriety.

1635
00:59:56,045 --> 00:59:58,373
Oh, yeah. As part of a reflect action

1636
00:59:58,373 --> 01:00:01,100
on you, I think is very cool because

1637
01:00:01,635 --> 01:00:04,578
you you see somebody sponsoring somebody and they

1638
01:00:04,578 --> 01:00:07,458
start to change. The sponsor starts to change.

1639
01:00:07,777 --> 01:00:10,409
Oh, yeah. And and what what I noticed

1640
01:00:10,409 --> 01:00:11,945
about it was that

1641
01:00:12,482 --> 01:00:13,540
it seemed like

1642
01:00:13,997 --> 01:00:15,215
her program was

1643
01:00:15,672 --> 01:00:16,172
becoming

1644
01:00:16,804 --> 01:00:17,543
more vital

1645
01:00:18,161 --> 01:00:20,077
as a part... As a as a, you

1646
01:00:20,077 --> 01:00:22,153
know, by sponsoring it, we are talking about

1647
01:00:22,153 --> 01:00:24,229
the same person. Yes. Absolutely.

1648
01:00:24,867 --> 01:00:26,718
Sit behind her every day, and Mean, thing

1649
01:00:26,878 --> 01:00:28,313
Well, I mean, I think she's the first

1650
01:00:28,313 --> 01:00:29,689
person in my life

1651
01:00:30,146 --> 01:00:32,538
that I've really been a hundred percent honest

1652
01:00:32,538 --> 01:00:33,414
with. Yeah.

1653
01:00:33,893 --> 01:00:36,704
Besides my husband. You know, like, it it

1654
01:00:36,704 --> 01:00:38,704
opened me I, like, it broke something inside

1655
01:00:38,704 --> 01:00:40,945
of me. And it it was like freedom.

1656
01:00:41,425 --> 01:00:44,237
Yeah. There's another member in here that

1657
01:00:45,193 --> 01:00:47,023
he and I talk about the freedom. Yeah.

1658
01:00:47,262 --> 01:00:50,206
The freedom that that we find is I

1659
01:00:50,206 --> 01:00:52,594
don't take it for granted 1 single day,

1660
01:00:52,753 --> 01:00:55,078
Howard, that I talk a lot about gratitude

1661
01:00:55,078 --> 01:00:56,034
when I share. It's...

1662
01:00:56,989 --> 01:00:58,822
I I wouldn't be here. Like, I wouldn't

1663
01:00:58,822 --> 01:01:00,017
have any of the things.

1664
01:01:00,748 --> 01:01:02,600
Any of the things that I have today

1665
01:01:02,816 --> 01:01:06,076
without alcoholic anonymous, the 12 steps and the

1666
01:01:06,076 --> 01:01:08,064
people in the room... The support has been.

1667
01:01:08,701 --> 01:01:11,023
Well, and the support is there because year

1668
01:01:11,023 --> 01:01:12,698
because you're part of it. When you come

1669
01:01:12,698 --> 01:01:13,336
into Aa,

1670
01:01:14,134 --> 01:01:15,808
to get the support, you have to be

1671
01:01:15,808 --> 01:01:17,266
support a, which means,

1672
01:01:18,361 --> 01:01:20,489
you know, so that people can approach you

1673
01:01:20,688 --> 01:01:23,391
without feeling rep repulsive or repelled or we

1674
01:01:23,391 --> 01:01:26,014
happen to know when when when somebody is

1675
01:01:26,014 --> 01:01:28,160
struggling and when they're not, you know, when

1676
01:01:28,160 --> 01:01:30,162
to say something and when to not It's

1677
01:01:30,162 --> 01:01:32,390
not always perfect. Sometimes we say something when

1678
01:01:32,390 --> 01:01:34,140
we shouldn't or don't say when we should,

1679
01:01:34,697 --> 01:01:36,925
but I've seen the change in you. I've

1680
01:01:36,925 --> 01:01:38,119
seen the change in her.

1681
01:01:39,408 --> 01:01:41,721
Cool. And I... No. I can notice it,

1682
01:01:41,960 --> 01:01:44,432
and and maybe maybe you have to some

1683
01:01:44,432 --> 01:01:46,267
extent, but I've... I've definitely seen it in

1684
01:01:46,267 --> 01:01:47,405
her. I've seen the

1685
01:01:47,862 --> 01:01:50,107
in her of sponsoring you. Now the next

1686
01:01:50,107 --> 01:01:50,744
question is,

1687
01:01:51,460 --> 01:01:52,494
you're working the steps.

1688
01:01:53,289 --> 01:01:55,517
He got through all 12 steps. You made

1689
01:01:55,517 --> 01:01:57,586
your amend. Mh. You're were able to come

1690
01:01:57,586 --> 01:02:00,157
back home at a certain point? Yes.

1691
01:02:00,876 --> 01:02:01,275
Now.

1692
01:02:01,914 --> 01:02:04,012
Did you say you guys had gotten divorced

1693
01:02:04,311 --> 01:02:06,243
and. Mh. So you went through all the

1694
01:02:06,243 --> 01:02:08,414
paperwork and stuff. So Mh you got

1695
01:02:08,790 --> 01:02:11,975
back together. Mh. Un divorced. How does that

1696
01:02:11,975 --> 01:02:12,692
process work?

1697
01:02:14,858 --> 01:02:19,009
We're together and and plan to make an

1698
01:02:19,009 --> 01:02:21,165
official this year. Good for you. Yeah. God.

1699
01:02:21,324 --> 01:02:23,695
What a blessing. What of blessing in our

1700
01:02:23,814 --> 01:02:24,370
son is,

1701
01:02:25,483 --> 01:02:27,231
you know, he was at the age where

1702
01:02:27,231 --> 01:02:28,026
he saw a lot.

1703
01:02:28,661 --> 01:02:30,887
He's 11. Right? When I sober up. And

1704
01:02:30,887 --> 01:02:33,445
so I don't know how that affected him

1705
01:02:33,445 --> 01:02:35,115
yet. We don't know yet. And I don't

1706
01:02:35,115 --> 01:02:37,262
have to know because 1 day at a

1707
01:02:37,262 --> 01:02:39,091
time. Well, people in these rooms have never

1708
01:02:39,091 --> 01:02:41,079
been able to figure out what what keeps

1709
01:02:41,079 --> 01:02:43,803
somebody from drinking or makes them want to

1710
01:02:43,803 --> 01:02:46,840
drink, you know? Yeah. So I I don't

1711
01:02:46,840 --> 01:02:50,277
know about him yet. But I I do

1712
01:02:50,277 --> 01:02:52,848
know that we... The 3 of us family

1713
01:02:52,848 --> 01:02:53,966
unit is the closest.

1714
01:02:55,164 --> 01:02:57,979
We've ever been. That's great. The most respectful

1715
01:02:58,676 --> 01:03:01,071
we've ever been to each... It's like, it's

1716
01:03:01,071 --> 01:03:03,958
just... We... Our we bring these steps and

1717
01:03:03,958 --> 01:03:06,349
principals into our home life. Yeah. And my

1718
01:03:06,349 --> 01:03:08,842
sponsor is a big part of that. So

1719
01:03:09,459 --> 01:03:12,510
she does that... To with her family.

1720
01:03:13,070 --> 01:03:14,670
You know, I think we seek out people

1721
01:03:14,670 --> 01:03:16,349
that we want what they have. And and

1722
01:03:16,429 --> 01:03:17,650
I really always

1723
01:03:18,030 --> 01:03:19,869
listen to her share, You know, when she

1724
01:03:19,869 --> 01:03:20,760
talked I listen.

1725
01:03:21,238 --> 01:03:24,204
The way she puts her family and

1726
01:03:24,818 --> 01:03:27,445
kids and husband and talks about them and

1727
01:03:27,445 --> 01:03:29,872
stuff speaks to them and engages with them

1728
01:03:30,169 --> 01:03:31,921
is how I wanna be at. So at

1729
01:03:31,921 --> 01:03:33,833
what point were you ready to start sponsoring

1730
01:03:33,833 --> 01:03:34,471
other people?

1731
01:03:35,123 --> 01:03:36,399
Well, I didn't really know.

1732
01:03:37,275 --> 01:03:38,790
I knew that I had worked the 12

1733
01:03:38,790 --> 01:03:41,579
steps. I was coming to meetings regularly. Mh.

1734
01:03:41,739 --> 01:03:43,744
So I knew I was available. I also

1735
01:03:43,744 --> 01:03:45,015
know the part in the big book that

1736
01:03:45,015 --> 01:03:47,264
says working with other alcoholic is our

1737
01:03:47,717 --> 01:03:48,035
insurance.

1738
01:03:48,989 --> 01:03:51,373
Gets the next slip or drink. So

1739
01:03:51,849 --> 01:03:54,499
well I wanna... I wanted to. I wanted

1740
01:03:54,499 --> 01:03:55,856
another women to feel like they could call

1741
01:03:55,856 --> 01:03:58,431
me. And my my sponsor had also

1742
01:03:59,129 --> 01:04:01,780
made me in the beginning get... Other women's

1743
01:04:01,780 --> 01:04:04,260
phone numbers and actually called them. Actually called.

1744
01:04:04,820 --> 01:04:07,059
So I felt awkward, but I did it.

1745
01:04:07,619 --> 01:04:09,539
I have a handful of women that I'm

1746
01:04:09,539 --> 01:04:10,039
now,

1747
01:04:10,420 --> 01:04:13,070
you know, pretty easy to talk to and

1748
01:04:13,070 --> 01:04:15,545
that's calling. So in my in my own

1749
01:04:15,545 --> 01:04:17,620
way, I guess, or in that way,

1750
01:04:18,259 --> 01:04:20,389
just reaching out to them, like, that was

1751
01:04:20,588 --> 01:04:23,372
an initial way of me getting to help...

1752
01:04:23,611 --> 01:04:25,440
Maybe I was helping somebody, maybe I wasn't,

1753
01:04:25,679 --> 01:04:26,793
but it was it was

1754
01:04:27,603 --> 01:04:28,420
just an active

1755
01:04:28,793 --> 01:04:30,460
service just reaching out to other people in

1756
01:04:30,460 --> 01:04:32,205
the program. So that's how I started talking

1757
01:04:32,205 --> 01:04:34,998
to other women. Well, availability is 09:10. Of

1758
01:04:34,998 --> 01:04:37,225
the game though. Yeah. You know Yeah. Being

1759
01:04:37,225 --> 01:04:39,692
here. And being there and being available. I

1760
01:04:39,692 --> 01:04:42,078
had 2 women asked me pretty soon after

1761
01:04:42,237 --> 01:04:43,565
I had worked the 12 steps. It's

1762
01:04:44,563 --> 01:04:47,037
to sponsor them, and I still sponsor those

1763
01:04:47,037 --> 01:04:49,033
2 women today. 1 of them,

1764
01:04:50,151 --> 01:04:52,706
celebrated a year in March, and the other

1765
01:04:52,706 --> 01:04:55,194
1 celebrate 7 years. She has more sobriety

1766
01:04:55,194 --> 01:04:57,907
than night. This month. She had been so

1767
01:04:57,907 --> 01:04:59,742
longer than me, but she had gotten away

1768
01:04:59,742 --> 01:05:01,589
or never really worked the step she said.

1769
01:05:01,748 --> 01:05:04,237
So she wanted to work the steps, and

1770
01:05:04,691 --> 01:05:05,964
so we we did that. So I took

1771
01:05:05,964 --> 01:05:07,396
her through the steps, and so those were

1772
01:05:07,396 --> 01:05:09,188
my responsibilities. I've had other women

1773
01:05:09,648 --> 01:05:12,285
asked me, and we've started and I haven't

1774
01:05:12,285 --> 01:05:13,963
heard from them. Well, when I notice about

1775
01:05:13,963 --> 01:05:15,482
you when I see you in meetings is

1776
01:05:15,482 --> 01:05:16,920
that the women all come over and say,

1777
01:05:17,080 --> 01:05:19,407
hi you've made a big effect on their

1778
01:05:19,407 --> 01:05:22,752
lives, and certainly on other people in the

1779
01:05:22,752 --> 01:05:24,983
rooms. I felt it. I felt the love

1780
01:05:24,983 --> 01:05:27,309
that people have for you. It's very... Strong

1781
01:05:27,309 --> 01:05:30,840
in this particular club. Seeing them stay sober

1782
01:05:31,218 --> 01:05:33,851
means that you're probably saying sober on top

1783
01:05:33,851 --> 01:05:36,099
of it. Right? I can see that ernest

1784
01:05:36,099 --> 01:05:39,528
desire in your face Yeah. To stay planted

1785
01:05:39,528 --> 01:05:42,001
in the middle of this absolutely. And that

1786
01:05:42,001 --> 01:05:44,329
where we have to live. Have to. I

1787
01:05:44,329 --> 01:05:47,369
have to. Yeah. It's changed my life. And

1788
01:05:47,449 --> 01:05:48,329
I want... You know, like,

1789
01:05:49,690 --> 01:05:50,010
I was...

1790
01:05:50,809 --> 01:05:52,903
There was a meeting last week that the

1791
01:05:52,903 --> 01:05:54,976
leader was talking about wanting more and and

1792
01:05:54,976 --> 01:05:56,194
were people who

1793
01:05:56,651 --> 01:05:59,363
more more is more is better, and and

1794
01:05:59,522 --> 01:06:01,755
I want more of this. Like, I want

1795
01:06:01,755 --> 01:06:04,074
more of what I'm getting. And it's...

1796
01:06:04,869 --> 01:06:06,775
That's why I keep showing up and doing

1797
01:06:06,775 --> 01:06:09,475
what I'm what what suggested. You see how

1798
01:06:09,475 --> 01:06:11,594
well you did in this interview today or

1799
01:06:12,830 --> 01:06:14,744
Thank you. Well you're easy to talk to.

1800
01:06:14,903 --> 01:06:17,454
I mean, I like talking to to other

1801
01:06:17,454 --> 01:06:20,085
alcoholic. Yeah. I enjoy it. And we understand

1802
01:06:20,085 --> 01:06:22,481
each there's a level of understanding that even

1803
01:06:22,481 --> 01:06:24,782
though we don't have a deep relationship based

1804
01:06:24,782 --> 01:06:27,454
on a lot of time Right interaction, whether

1805
01:06:27,574 --> 01:06:29,326
There's certain things that we know about each

1806
01:06:29,326 --> 01:06:32,215
other deep down without even having to outward

1807
01:06:32,273 --> 01:06:33,786
know it. You know. It's like, if you're

1808
01:06:33,786 --> 01:06:35,697
here and you're doing this and you're helping

1809
01:06:35,697 --> 01:06:35,936
others,

1810
01:06:36,982 --> 01:06:38,805
you're my kind of people. Right? That's right.

1811
01:06:39,043 --> 01:06:41,342
Give get that sense. Absolutely. Yeah. I do

1812
01:06:41,342 --> 01:06:43,166
too. I do too. Well, this has just

1813
01:06:43,166 --> 01:06:45,333
been marvelous. And I wanna thank you for

1814
01:06:45,333 --> 01:06:47,490
doing this. You're a beautiful person I love

1815
01:06:47,490 --> 01:06:48,769
you, and you're just

1816
01:06:49,328 --> 01:06:51,725
an amazing member of this particular club. Thank

1817
01:06:51,725 --> 01:06:52,285
you, Howard.

1818
01:06:52,937 --> 01:06:53,731
You do a great job.

1819
01:06:54,445 --> 01:06:56,509
I've told you I've I've loved listening to

1820
01:06:56,509 --> 01:06:59,525
these. It's right. It's help me with with

1821
01:06:59,525 --> 01:07:02,164
my program. I mean, and know there's people

1822
01:07:02,244 --> 01:07:04,345
I look up to that that I knew

1823
01:07:04,485 --> 01:07:06,805
from here and other meetings that I couldn't

1824
01:07:06,805 --> 01:07:09,285
weigh. Oh, gosh can't power interviewed them. I

1825
01:07:09,285 --> 01:07:10,898
can't wait to listen. Well, it's been... A

1826
01:07:10,898 --> 01:07:13,119
lot of fun. It's been really helped. Helped

1827
01:07:13,119 --> 01:07:14,626
with a lot of people and that's far

1828
01:07:14,626 --> 01:07:16,689
we're here. Well, thank you, Yeah. Appreciate that.

1829
01:07:16,927 --> 01:07:19,164
Thank you. Well, again, many things a for

1830
01:07:19,164 --> 01:07:21,320
doing this interview with me today, Marcy.

1831
01:07:22,277 --> 01:07:24,193
Thanks so much. Forward to many, many more

1832
01:07:24,193 --> 01:07:26,748
meetings with you and Me too. Our friendship

1833
01:07:26,748 --> 01:07:28,838
growing in the future. Me too, Howard. Thanks

1834
01:07:28,838 --> 01:07:30,350
so much. It was a pleasure you bet.

1835
01:07:31,545 --> 01:07:33,295
1 my friends, that's it for this episode

1836
01:07:33,295 --> 01:07:35,763
of aa recovery interviews. I want to thank

1837
01:07:35,763 --> 01:07:37,753
my guests to Marcy p for sharing her

1838
01:07:37,753 --> 01:07:37,992
story.

1839
01:07:38,565 --> 01:07:39,925
And thank you for tuning in.

1840
01:07:40,644 --> 01:07:42,724
If you enjoyed Aa recovery interviews, will you

1841
01:07:42,724 --> 01:07:44,244
please tell others how to listen to it,

1842
01:07:44,965 --> 01:07:46,724
and please leave a rating or review for

1843
01:07:46,724 --> 01:07:49,857
the show, on Apple podcasts. That'll help others

1844
01:07:49,857 --> 01:07:50,336
find us.

1845
01:07:51,376 --> 01:07:52,974
Of course, you can listen to the podcast

1846
01:07:52,974 --> 01:07:56,251
on Apple podcasts, I heart radio, Spotify Pandora,

1847
01:07:56,330 --> 01:07:58,764
or Youtube music other podcast apps

1848
01:07:59,065 --> 01:08:00,664
or tell Siri or Alexa,

1849
01:08:01,224 --> 01:08:03,324
play a recovery interviews podcast,

1850
01:08:03,945 --> 01:08:06,505
or visit our website, aa recovery interviews dot

1851
01:08:06,505 --> 01:08:08,588
com and To hear every show, share your

1852
01:08:08,588 --> 01:08:11,210
comments and also contact us. If you want

1853
01:08:11,210 --> 01:08:13,514
to email me directly, it's howard at a

1854
01:08:13,514 --> 01:08:15,023
a recovery interviews dot com.

1855
01:08:16,234 --> 01:08:18,234
By the way, this podcast strictly adhere to

1856
01:08:18,314 --> 01:08:21,435
Aac 12 traditions, and all general service office

1857
01:08:21,435 --> 01:08:23,755
guidelines for safeguard anonymity online.

1858
01:08:24,328 --> 01:08:26,559
I pay all production costs, and no 1

1859
01:08:26,559 --> 01:08:28,153
receives financial gain from the show.

1860
01:08:28,869 --> 01:08:31,260
Aa recovery interviews and my guests do not

1861
01:08:31,260 --> 01:08:33,331
speak for or represent Aa large.

1862
01:08:34,143 --> 01:08:36,137
This podcast is simply my way of giving

1863
01:08:36,137 --> 01:08:38,212
back to Aa that which has been so

1864
01:08:38,212 --> 01:08:39,328
freely given to me.

1865
01:08:40,445 --> 01:08:42,697
The next episode of a aa recovery interview

1866
01:08:42,697 --> 01:08:44,854
on the way, so keep coming back. It'll

1867
01:08:44,854 --> 01:08:45,573
be here soon.

1868
01:08:48,609 --> 01:08:48,740
This