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Okay.

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Years ago, 2 2 buildings ago.

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Portland Was located in

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in the industrial

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district

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of Northwest,

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Portland.

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And

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We

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we had,

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you know, wonderful, been asking visitors and live

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visitors and

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talks and

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there was a small space and

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in a busy area,

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and I can't remember who was

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visiting,

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but,

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I'm distracted by noise,

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you know.

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And it was getting really stuffy in there

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and somebody

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opened all the windows.

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I wonder who that was.

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Could've have been anybody.

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But of course, I went around and shut

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them all

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so I could hear.

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I wasn't in a very big space. I

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probably could have heard anyway.

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And then I looked in somebody had pretty

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soon to open all the windows again.

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And then 1 of us gave up.

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I think it was probably me.

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And, you know, so we sat through the

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meditation with the windows open, and we don't

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normally do that. It was pretty loud,

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or there's was a lot going on and

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We got up and school went downstairs. Now

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I got up and shut all the windows.

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Some things never changed. That was 20 years

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ago.

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Some habits die hard,

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and I got downstairs and course, you're like,

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oh, those noises were so nice.

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What?

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But, you know,

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They are useful.

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They are useful.

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And, you know, when it's noisy

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like that,

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I'm reminded of how much noise it is

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even in my mind.

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Even when it's absolutely silent in a room,

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my mind will do. It does all of

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that. No.

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All of that, talking, all of that singing,

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all of that.

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Disc,

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and the sounds outside aren't any different than

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the sounds inside.

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And

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according to the buddhist

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teachings.

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And what we do is

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we grab them.

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You know? Oh, I want this to stop.

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I want this to start.

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I prefer the Tracy Chapman version of

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fast car.

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Oh, now. He's singing. That's really sweet.

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That's wholesome.

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And the mind does this. You know And

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then if the thinking that, you know, the

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noises are inside like, oh, I don't like

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that. I like this. So I don't like

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him. I like, her. I have things to

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do this afternoon.

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Know, so the thoughts come up, the noises

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come up and we grab them. We try

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to turn them into something else.

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Or hang on to them.

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Make a story.

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Aj Amr says we love our stories.

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And I think that's, you know, really true.

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That's true for me.

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And it's not, like,

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you know, a skill for love.

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It's not like I want the best for

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my stories.

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It's like they're there for it to entertain

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me and to keep me busy and to

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make me feel right and to rationalize my

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opinions and to

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fix my past and

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organize my future and

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so when a story comes up, you know,

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It's natural to,

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let it spin. You know, let it keep

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going. Let it get bigger.

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Just got the image of

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cotton candy

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in my head. You know, I just kind

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of...

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It will just collect.

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If we let it spin.

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And it's delicious

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We love our stories.

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But, you know, meditation is an opportunity.

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To gently

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and

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with skill effort,

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cut a stop to the stories

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as they arise as we notice summarizing.

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If we have a meditation object like the

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breath or the body or a mantra, then

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we have something to come back to.

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Now, oh, okay. Well, that's

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That'll be there. I know that 1. I

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see you.

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We've been hanging out a long time, but

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now,

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I'm doing this.

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Know we can be very gentle,

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but

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serious

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in our redirecting.

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Yes. I know. But right now. I'm doing

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this.

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I'm doing this

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What is the point of this though?

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I think sometimes,

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people ask or think or wonder,

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maybe beginning medi or people been doing it

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for a long time.

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Still feel like beginners? What is what am

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I doing? Why am I coming back to

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the breath? What is the point of this?

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And the point of this as I understand

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it,

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is to build the habit

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of redirecting the mind toward what is wholesome.

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Toward what is useful

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toward what is beautiful.

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And away from

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the spinning away from the stories.

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So really, you know, we love our stories.

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Just like we love

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anything.

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Sort of a

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ice cream or a comfy couch or a

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beautiful family or a day outside.

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But

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we want to

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build the habit

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of

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control.

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You know? Oh, now's is not the time.

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I can put this down

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and have some peace.

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And it's not just some meditation. And we

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wanna be able to put that stuff down

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and have some peace off the cushion.

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That's the whole point. That's why everybody's here.

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Did you know?

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It's to have some peace, you know, to

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build the skill of

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quiet

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and

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balance and settled and

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1 of the ways to do that is

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to sit a meditation

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and remind

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the

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mind

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to come back

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to the breath, or come back to the

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body.

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It's,

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you know,

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useful

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boring.

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It doesn't grab the attention. The breath doesn't

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grab the attention unless there's something wrong with

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it.

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So we're using this really subtle

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tool

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to train the mind.

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To train the heart.

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And it's good. It's good that it's subtle.

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Because we have to put in some effort

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to keep it there.

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And putting in the effort is what grows

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the muscle is what grows the habit.

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I used to

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teach

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or, you know, hold a meditation

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in a prison, in North Portland. I did

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that for years every week and did it

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4 years every week before I did.

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But they didn't... When I was teaching there,

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they didn't have a really a room for

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it. They didn't have a dedicated

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space.

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So they're moving us all over the place

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and

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sometimes we were sitting in it, like a

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computer

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room.

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So, like, we'd literally be, like, under these

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desks.

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There is no space.

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And

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but you know, we did it. We were

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there. We were on the floor. We were

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under the computers.

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But a lot of time at that room

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was nice you know, because it was quiet.

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It was out of the way.

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But most often, they had us in a

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room right next to the

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like the dining hall,

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which was also a wreck, like a wreck

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room.

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And so we would meet for meditation and,

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usually, there'd would be some kind of, like,

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bingo

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going on or

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some kind of other, like, games, you know,

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happening, Wholesome,

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wholesome things, but not quiet.

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Very busy.

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Very busy out in this huge haul. It'd

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be like, sitting in a meditation next to

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a school cafeteria kind of that's what It

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was like.

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And

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and so really, the the practice

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was,

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you know, holding the space to be with

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those conditions.

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And I would think

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that the conditions that we were in kind

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of this

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this

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very peaceful closed door

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room even with all the noise,

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we're much more favorable

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than outside of that room.

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You know, it it's noisy,

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but the noise

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I suspect was going

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20 hours a day. You know.

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And so then, what we practiced

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was we practiced

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how to be with the conditions.

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That's what we're doing.

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You know, and in a place like a

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like a prison,

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you really get a sense of how difficult

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it is to be with the conditions.

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Because they're noisy. They're unfavorable. They're frightening in

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some ways. You know, there are some

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uplift. There are some friendship as well. There's

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some care.

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But

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you know that the conditions that we were

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in anyway in this kind of circle.

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Were loud.

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And they were busy.

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They were

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you know, living their own life.

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And you could really see how important

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it was

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to

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learn to be with those conditions because when

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we left the room, those are the conditions,

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the participants were gonna be left with.

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Just like when we leave here,

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the conditions that we're going to encounter

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are, you know, everything that we sat with

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today

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and meditation.

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We are

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in the world.

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No. And we can't go around sort of

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changing it, cha dies and we could change

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it, you know. But

289
00:12:25,595 --> 00:12:27,266
if we get caught up in every little

290
00:12:27,266 --> 00:12:27,584
thing,

291
00:12:28,554 --> 00:12:30,784
that pulls us 1 direction or the other,

292
00:12:31,501 --> 00:12:32,479
it's exhausting.

293
00:12:34,289 --> 00:12:37,252
So, you know, something that we're doing, what

294
00:12:37,252 --> 00:12:39,563
we're doing in meditation to a degree is

295
00:12:39,563 --> 00:12:41,714
learning how to notice the conditions.

296
00:12:43,482 --> 00:12:44,222
Without getting

297
00:12:44,679 --> 00:12:48,268
caught in them, caught in our stories about

298
00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:48,507
them.

299
00:12:49,943 --> 00:12:52,017
Because the point then is to move through

300
00:12:52,017 --> 00:12:52,756
the world

301
00:12:53,147 --> 00:12:55,772
with a little bit more balance and ease.

302
00:13:08,774 --> 00:13:11,641
Pivot a little bit here to mother's say.

303
00:13:14,428 --> 00:13:15,463
It's I'm a mom.

304
00:13:16,592 --> 00:13:17,808
And I have a

305
00:13:18,262 --> 00:13:18,762
teenagers,

306
00:13:19,932 --> 00:13:23,112
twin twin and a twain and 18.

307
00:13:24,479 --> 00:13:26,957
And have a mother, who's alive and have

308
00:13:26,957 --> 00:13:28,395
a grandmother who's alive,

309
00:13:29,833 --> 00:13:30,333
and

310
00:13:31,192 --> 00:13:31,911
have a daughter.

311
00:13:33,602 --> 00:13:35,749
So it's a mother's day as comes a

312
00:13:35,749 --> 00:13:36,067
sweet,

313
00:13:36,942 --> 00:13:38,056
sweet day for me.

314
00:13:40,459 --> 00:13:41,977
And I'm usually here.

315
00:13:44,134 --> 00:13:45,113
This is my

316
00:13:45,652 --> 00:13:47,090
trait on mother's day.

317
00:13:47,743 --> 00:13:49,572
I think I've probably spent every mother's day

318
00:13:49,572 --> 00:13:49,811
here.

319
00:13:51,640 --> 00:13:53,572
Where it's close to it maybe

320
00:13:57,955 --> 00:14:00,193
my kids are, I had practice before I

321
00:14:00,193 --> 00:14:02,930
had kids, which I highly recommend

322
00:14:04,680 --> 00:14:06,036
If I went ever started.

323
00:14:08,269 --> 00:14:09,726
They kept me pretty busy.

324
00:14:11,140 --> 00:14:12,417
That keep me pretty busy.

325
00:14:13,705 --> 00:14:15,371
Oh, but I had, you know, had to

326
00:14:15,371 --> 00:14:17,378
practice at a community. I had

327
00:14:18,544 --> 00:14:20,052
me a support of monastic.

328
00:14:22,853 --> 00:14:23,353
And

329
00:14:24,451 --> 00:14:25,350
when I was

330
00:14:26,768 --> 00:14:28,605
when I was pregnant with my daughter,

331
00:14:29,419 --> 00:14:30,534
She's my second Kid.

332
00:14:32,128 --> 00:14:33,164
I went to see

333
00:14:37,403 --> 00:14:39,159
Piece pacific a hermit out in a white

334
00:14:39,159 --> 00:14:40,356
salmon, which is a

335
00:14:40,915 --> 00:14:43,629
monastery that we found a small monastery that

336
00:14:43,629 --> 00:14:45,326
we founded, and that exists

337
00:14:45,639 --> 00:14:46,752
about an hour from here.

338
00:14:49,059 --> 00:14:49,377
And

339
00:14:49,934 --> 00:14:51,206
I asked him to bless,

340
00:14:51,843 --> 00:14:52,820
plus the pregnancy.

341
00:14:54,404 --> 00:14:55,223
And he

342
00:14:55,760 --> 00:14:56,319
did the,

343
00:14:57,196 --> 00:14:59,191
kind of the traditional blessing in this,

344
00:15:01,027 --> 00:15:03,930
in this in this tradition, which is

345
00:15:04,862 --> 00:15:06,237
a blessing for

346
00:15:07,169 --> 00:15:08,442
a a good birth.

347
00:15:09,013 --> 00:15:10,604
So having a good birth,

348
00:15:11,399 --> 00:15:14,500
blessing for safety and good conditions and all

349
00:15:14,500 --> 00:15:14,898
of that.

350
00:15:18,649 --> 00:15:19,149
And

351
00:15:21,748 --> 00:15:22,304
my daughter,

352
00:15:24,767 --> 00:15:25,165
you know,

353
00:15:26,375 --> 00:15:29,254
She was 1 of these pregnancies or toward

354
00:15:29,254 --> 00:15:31,174
the end, she got all tangled up in

355
00:15:31,174 --> 00:15:32,534
her umbilical cord.

356
00:15:33,748 --> 00:15:34,145
And

357
00:15:34,701 --> 00:15:36,369
we were meant to have a home that

358
00:15:36,369 --> 00:15:37,084
was the plan.

359
00:15:38,832 --> 00:15:39,070
But,

360
00:15:40,182 --> 00:15:41,612
instead, you know, I went in for my

361
00:15:41,612 --> 00:15:42,589
checkup, and

362
00:15:43,615 --> 00:15:45,534
and the mid midwest took me and then

363
00:15:45,534 --> 00:15:47,315
let me go and then called me back

364
00:15:47,534 --> 00:15:48,914
and said, you know

365
00:15:50,334 --> 00:15:51,615
you should go to the hospital.

366
00:15:52,349 --> 00:15:53,069
And I said.

367
00:15:53,948 --> 00:15:56,665
Okay. They're all very calm. You know. Okay.

368
00:15:56,904 --> 00:15:57,224
When?

369
00:15:58,503 --> 00:15:59,003
Now

370
00:16:00,021 --> 00:16:00,341
now.

371
00:16:01,871 --> 00:16:03,617
So I went in and everybody was calm,

372
00:16:03,775 --> 00:16:05,283
and they were checking me out. We did

373
00:16:05,283 --> 00:16:07,505
all the things, and I said, okay. Well,

374
00:16:08,949 --> 00:16:11,262
When can I go home? You know, when

375
00:16:11,262 --> 00:16:13,495
very naive, even after having a kid or...

376
00:16:13,894 --> 00:16:14,692
When can I go home?

377
00:16:15,649 --> 00:16:17,244
After you have this baby?

378
00:16:20,123 --> 00:16:22,107
She was 3 weeks. This is 3 weeks

379
00:16:22,107 --> 00:16:22,821
before her date.

380
00:16:26,248 --> 00:16:28,630
But you know, it's I'll spray the details,

381
00:16:28,868 --> 00:16:29,368
but

382
00:16:30,932 --> 00:16:31,567
but it went.

383
00:16:32,281 --> 00:16:33,234
It was a good birth.

384
00:16:34,123 --> 00:16:34,521
You know,

385
00:16:35,238 --> 00:16:36,512
it was the right birth.

386
00:16:37,786 --> 00:16:38,980
I didn't pick it.

387
00:16:40,174 --> 00:16:41,289
I didn't plan for it.

388
00:16:43,373 --> 00:16:45,122
But it was good. It was the right

389
00:16:45,122 --> 00:16:45,361
birth.

390
00:16:46,236 --> 00:16:48,701
And you know, I'm not... I I like

391
00:16:48,701 --> 00:16:50,632
to say that I'm not I'm not super.

392
00:16:51,007 --> 00:16:51,961
I'm a little stitches.

393
00:16:53,572 --> 00:16:54,072
But

394
00:16:55,408 --> 00:16:56,467
I don't think

395
00:16:57,084 --> 00:16:59,958
necessarily this the blessing caused the at birth.

396
00:17:00,597 --> 00:17:00,836
Right?

397
00:17:02,128 --> 00:17:02,628
But

398
00:17:03,005 --> 00:17:05,976
the blessing helped me reflect on it

399
00:17:06,513 --> 00:17:07,390
as a good,

400
00:17:08,187 --> 00:17:10,101
you know, instead of being wrong.

401
00:17:10,674 --> 00:17:11,894
Instead of being some other

402
00:17:12,512 --> 00:17:14,590
set of conditions that I didn't want that

403
00:17:14,670 --> 00:17:15,549
I didn't planned for.

404
00:17:17,707 --> 00:17:19,785
Actually was just exactly the right birth.

405
00:17:20,759 --> 00:17:21,159
Her hurt.

406
00:17:24,755 --> 00:17:26,833
So it's interesting, you know, when we look

407
00:17:26,833 --> 00:17:28,451
back on our

408
00:17:28,911 --> 00:17:29,150
conditions,

409
00:17:30,124 --> 00:17:32,141
We look forward to our

410
00:17:33,157 --> 00:17:35,732
anticipation and plans and worries and fears and,

411
00:17:36,669 --> 00:17:39,980
you know, can start to see these things

412
00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:40,700
as

413
00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:45,019
a flow of conditions

414
00:17:45,320 --> 00:17:46,460
that we're just

415
00:17:48,850 --> 00:17:51,242
watching that we're sort of a part of,

416
00:17:51,402 --> 00:17:52,997
but we don't need to grab. We don't

417
00:17:52,997 --> 00:17:55,013
need to strangle them. We don't need to,

418
00:17:55,549 --> 00:17:55,948
you know,

419
00:17:57,558 --> 00:18:00,213
get stuck in fear and a aversion and

420
00:18:00,271 --> 00:18:00,750
greed,

421
00:18:03,223 --> 00:18:06,515
but watching like, It was interesting, listening. I

422
00:18:06,515 --> 00:18:09,075
will can say that I was interesting, listening

423
00:18:09,075 --> 00:18:11,174
to the noise this this morning.

424
00:18:12,528 --> 00:18:14,358
You know, because it was it was a

425
00:18:14,358 --> 00:18:16,267
car and then it was a plane, and

426
00:18:16,267 --> 00:18:17,404
then it was a bird,

427
00:18:17,779 --> 00:18:19,529
and then it was talking, and then I

428
00:18:19,529 --> 00:18:22,492
was singing, and then it was whatever, you

429
00:18:22,492 --> 00:18:22,731
know,

430
00:18:23,690 --> 00:18:24,727
lawn, care.

431
00:18:26,723 --> 00:18:28,240
But, you know, sort of in my mind,

432
00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:29,597
it was this visual,

433
00:18:31,129 --> 00:18:32,723
of what happens anyway.

434
00:18:33,361 --> 00:18:34,956
So what happens in the mind It's what

435
00:18:34,956 --> 00:18:37,029
happens on the planet. It's what happens,

436
00:18:37,906 --> 00:18:39,442
you know, between people

437
00:18:39,913 --> 00:18:43,352
and our conditions keep kind of flowing.

438
00:18:44,519 --> 00:18:46,664
And you know the degree to which we

439
00:18:46,664 --> 00:18:47,164
can

440
00:18:48,109 --> 00:18:49,170
sort of gain some

441
00:18:49,549 --> 00:18:52,190
objectivity in the midst of them is the

442
00:18:52,190 --> 00:18:53,809
degree to which we will feel

443
00:18:54,269 --> 00:18:54,769
balance.

444
00:18:57,001 --> 00:18:58,460
And and e.

445
00:19:05,636 --> 00:19:06,136
So

446
00:19:06,671 --> 00:19:07,649
that's maybe

447
00:19:08,821 --> 00:19:11,448
enough enough for now. Thank you for your

448
00:19:11,448 --> 00:19:12,164
kind attention.