1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:02,819 What does gaslighting mean in a Christian relationship? 2 00:00:03,759 --> 00:00:06,160 Gaslighting is a term that has steadily garnered 3 00:00:06,160 --> 00:00:08,259 attention over the past few years, 4 00:00:08,639 --> 00:00:09,139 particularly 5 00:00:09,439 --> 00:00:10,900 in the context of relationships. 6 00:00:12,095 --> 00:00:13,935 Derived from the 1944 7 00:00:13,935 --> 00:00:14,835 movie Gaslight, 8 00:00:15,294 --> 00:00:16,595 it denotes a manipulative 9 00:00:16,975 --> 00:00:19,614 tactic where one person makes another doubt their 10 00:00:19,614 --> 00:00:20,114 perception, 11 00:00:20,815 --> 00:00:22,035 memory, or reality. 12 00:00:23,054 --> 00:00:25,320 As opposed to bread crumbing in a dating 13 00:00:25,320 --> 00:00:27,660 setting, gaslighting can be particularly 14 00:00:28,039 --> 00:00:31,240 harmful, leading to mental distress and an erosion 15 00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:32,300 of self trust. 16 00:00:33,159 --> 00:00:35,320 But what does gaslighting mean in the context 17 00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:36,859 of a Christian dating relationship? 18 00:00:37,994 --> 00:00:41,534 Given the foundational Christian values of love, respect, 19 00:00:41,594 --> 00:00:42,335 and truthfulness, 20 00:00:43,034 --> 00:00:44,575 the presence of such manipulation 21 00:00:45,034 --> 00:00:46,094 might seem contradictory. 22 00:00:47,195 --> 00:00:49,994 Yet it's crucial to understand that gaslighters can 23 00:00:49,994 --> 00:00:53,109 exist in any environment, and no community is 24 00:00:53,109 --> 00:00:53,609 immune. 25 00:00:54,630 --> 00:00:57,270 Below, we'll delve into five ways someone can 26 00:00:57,270 --> 00:00:59,850 be gaslighted in a Christian dating relationship. 27 00:01:00,870 --> 00:01:01,370 One, 28 00:01:01,829 --> 00:01:03,195 twisting biblical teachings. 29 00:01:04,394 --> 00:01:07,034 One unique aspect of gaslighting in a Christian 30 00:01:07,034 --> 00:01:08,814 setting is the misuse of scripture. 31 00:01:09,354 --> 00:01:12,015 A partner might twist bible verses or teachings 32 00:01:12,075 --> 00:01:13,295 to control or manipulate. 33 00:01:14,075 --> 00:01:16,814 For instance, they may claim that by challenging 34 00:01:16,875 --> 00:01:20,129 them, you're failing to submit or obey as 35 00:01:20,129 --> 00:01:21,189 the Bible instructs 36 00:01:21,489 --> 00:01:23,189 even if your concerns are valid. 37 00:01:23,890 --> 00:01:26,629 By making you question your understanding of scripture, 38 00:01:26,930 --> 00:01:29,909 they undermine your confidence and keep you submissive. 39 00:01:31,604 --> 00:01:34,104 Two, questioning your spiritual discernment. 40 00:01:34,884 --> 00:01:36,584 In a Christian dating relationship, 41 00:01:37,125 --> 00:01:38,984 spiritual discernment is crucial. 42 00:01:39,604 --> 00:01:42,185 A gaslighter might make you doubt your spiritual 43 00:01:42,325 --> 00:01:42,825 experiences 44 00:01:43,125 --> 00:01:44,744 or relationship with god. 45 00:01:45,260 --> 00:01:47,500 They may say things like, are you sure 46 00:01:47,500 --> 00:01:50,299 God told you that? Or I prayed about 47 00:01:50,299 --> 00:01:52,319 it and God showed me something different. 48 00:01:53,099 --> 00:01:54,959 By doing this, they prioritize 49 00:01:55,340 --> 00:01:57,145 their spiritual insights over yours, making you feel 50 00:01:57,145 --> 00:01:57,930 inferior or disconnected from God. 51 00:01:59,155 --> 00:02:01,334 Inferior or disconnected from God. 52 00:02:02,594 --> 00:02:03,094 Three, 53 00:02:03,395 --> 00:02:05,015 minimizing hurtful actions. 54 00:02:06,034 --> 00:02:06,534 Minimization 55 00:02:06,915 --> 00:02:09,014 is a classic gaslighting tactic. 56 00:02:09,635 --> 00:02:12,115 If you express hurt or concern over something 57 00:02:12,115 --> 00:02:13,655 your partner did or said, 58 00:02:13,955 --> 00:02:16,710 they might respond with, you're being too sensitive, 59 00:02:16,770 --> 00:02:17,270 or 60 00:02:17,569 --> 00:02:19,590 a good Christian would forgive and forget. 61 00:02:20,370 --> 00:02:22,229 By making it seem like you're overreacting, 62 00:02:22,849 --> 00:02:25,090 they divert the blame from their actions to 63 00:02:25,090 --> 00:02:26,229 your reactions. 64 00:02:27,650 --> 00:02:28,150 Four, 65 00:02:28,555 --> 00:02:30,574 isolating from spiritual support. 66 00:02:31,594 --> 00:02:34,254 Community plays a vital role in Christian life. 67 00:02:34,555 --> 00:02:36,955 A gaslighter might attempt to isolate you from 68 00:02:36,955 --> 00:02:39,915 church members, friends, or family who could support 69 00:02:39,915 --> 00:02:40,415 you. 70 00:02:40,955 --> 00:02:41,926 They might drop subtle hints that these individuals 71 00:02:41,926 --> 00:02:43,215 are bad influences or 72 00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:46,939 are envious of your relationship. 73 00:02:47,719 --> 00:02:48,460 The aim? 74 00:02:48,840 --> 00:02:50,599 To cut you off from those who might 75 00:02:50,599 --> 00:02:51,659 notice the manipulation 76 00:02:52,280 --> 00:02:53,740 and provide you with perspective. 77 00:02:55,640 --> 00:02:58,264 Five, constantly shifting goal posts. 78 00:02:59,045 --> 00:03:01,305 You may find that your partner sets spiritual 79 00:03:01,365 --> 00:03:04,245 or relational goals, and once you meet them, 80 00:03:04,245 --> 00:03:05,705 they move the bar higher. 81 00:03:06,564 --> 00:03:09,045 Whether it's about how often you pray, attend 82 00:03:09,045 --> 00:03:11,224 church, or participate in group activities, 83 00:03:11,930 --> 00:03:13,949 they always find something to critique. 84 00:03:15,129 --> 00:03:17,610 Over time, this erodes your self worth and 85 00:03:17,610 --> 00:03:19,930 makes you strive endlessly to meet their ever 86 00:03:19,930 --> 00:03:21,069 changing standards. 87 00:03:23,129 --> 00:03:25,365 Recognizing and responding to gaslighting. 88 00:03:26,645 --> 00:03:29,844 Gaslighting can be subtle, especially when intertwined with 89 00:03:29,844 --> 00:03:30,985 religious beliefs. 90 00:03:31,605 --> 00:03:34,504 However, it's essential to remember that any relationship, 91 00:03:34,885 --> 00:03:37,784 including Christian ones, should be built on mutual 92 00:03:37,925 --> 00:03:39,625 respect, love, and understanding. 93 00:03:40,990 --> 00:03:43,710 Gaslighting is not a reflection of true Christ 94 00:03:43,710 --> 00:03:44,610 centered love. 95 00:03:45,229 --> 00:03:47,090 If you suspect you're being gaslighted, 96 00:03:47,710 --> 00:03:48,610 seek perspective. 97 00:03:49,310 --> 00:03:52,110 Talk to trusted friends, family, or church members 98 00:03:52,110 --> 00:03:53,650 about your feelings and experiences. 99 00:03:55,064 --> 00:03:56,125 Trust your instincts. 100 00:03:56,585 --> 00:03:59,324 Remember, God has given you intuition and discernment. 101 00:03:59,944 --> 00:04:00,764 Trust yourself. 102 00:04:02,185 --> 00:04:03,004 Seek counseling. 103 00:04:03,384 --> 00:04:06,264 Consider Christian based counseling to help you navigate 104 00:04:06,264 --> 00:04:07,004 your emotions 105 00:04:07,465 --> 00:04:09,004 and make informed decisions. 106 00:04:10,330 --> 00:04:12,110 Strengthen your relationship with 107 00:04:12,650 --> 00:04:15,310 God. Delve deeper into scriptures and prayer. 108 00:04:15,689 --> 00:04:18,910 God's word will always provide clarity and truth. 109 00:04:20,250 --> 00:04:23,290 In conclusion, while the concept of gaslighting may 110 00:04:23,290 --> 00:04:25,504 seem out of place in a Christian relationship, 111 00:04:26,285 --> 00:04:27,985 it's a reality for some. 112 00:04:29,004 --> 00:04:31,805 Recognizing the signs and arming oneself with knowledge 113 00:04:31,805 --> 00:04:34,204 and faith is crucial to ensuring that love 114 00:04:34,204 --> 00:04:35,185 remains genuine, 115 00:04:35,805 --> 00:04:36,305 pure, 116 00:04:36,845 --> 00:04:37,985 and Christ centered.