1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:01,599 Need advice on how to break up a 2 00:00:01,599 --> 00:00:02,899 Christian dating relationship? 3 00:00:03,359 --> 00:00:05,919 A famous fifties breakup song gives us this 4 00:00:05,919 --> 00:00:07,599 little bit of dating advice on how to 5 00:00:07,599 --> 00:00:08,339 break up. 6 00:00:08,720 --> 00:00:10,500 Breaking up is hard to do. 7 00:00:10,880 --> 00:00:11,939 No. You think? 8 00:00:12,815 --> 00:00:14,815 Whether you are a Christian single couple in 9 00:00:14,815 --> 00:00:17,074 a courtship or an online dating relationship, 10 00:00:17,535 --> 00:00:19,535 how you break up a relationship will be 11 00:00:19,535 --> 00:00:22,335 emotionally painful for both of you. If you 12 00:00:22,335 --> 00:00:24,994 are contemplating a breakup of your dating relationship, 13 00:00:25,839 --> 00:00:28,240 considering the following dating advice may help you 14 00:00:28,240 --> 00:00:30,720 avoid a wrong decision while making it as 15 00:00:30,720 --> 00:00:32,340 easy and painless as possible. 16 00:00:33,440 --> 00:00:35,840 Six Christian dating advice tips on how to 17 00:00:35,840 --> 00:00:37,299 break up and ending a relationship. 18 00:00:38,505 --> 00:00:41,304 Ask the Lord for wisdom, see James one 19 00:00:41,304 --> 00:00:41,804 five. 20 00:00:42,664 --> 00:00:44,984 As a single Christian, praying for guidance and 21 00:00:44,984 --> 00:00:47,225 wisdom in the matter of a breakup should 22 00:00:47,225 --> 00:00:49,385 be the very first course of action before 23 00:00:49,385 --> 00:00:51,085 making any dating decisions. 24 00:00:51,920 --> 00:00:53,439 You will be less likely to make a 25 00:00:53,439 --> 00:00:54,820 mistake if you do so. 26 00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:58,960 Discuss the dating breakup possibility with family and 27 00:00:58,960 --> 00:00:59,460 friends. 28 00:01:00,559 --> 00:01:03,219 God often leads through our parents' dating advice 29 00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:04,659 even if they are not Christians. 30 00:01:05,594 --> 00:01:07,755 Proverbs teach that there is wisdom in using 31 00:01:07,755 --> 00:01:09,375 a multiplicity of counselors. 32 00:01:10,234 --> 00:01:13,114 So also discuss the possibility of a breakup 33 00:01:13,114 --> 00:01:14,814 with trusted Christian friends. 34 00:01:15,515 --> 00:01:17,194 They may very well give you some much 35 00:01:17,194 --> 00:01:19,630 needed advice that helps you make a decision 36 00:01:20,010 --> 00:01:22,409 or puts the relationship in a completely different 37 00:01:22,409 --> 00:01:22,909 light. 38 00:01:23,609 --> 00:01:25,710 Be sure to use these valuable resources. 39 00:01:26,250 --> 00:01:28,909 Be honest, but speak the truth in love. 40 00:01:29,130 --> 00:01:30,510 Ephesians four fifteen. 41 00:01:31,935 --> 00:01:34,734 Never bash your dating partner personally, which will 42 00:01:34,734 --> 00:01:37,215 only hurt them even more and affect their 43 00:01:37,215 --> 00:01:39,075 self worth for quite some time. 44 00:01:39,375 --> 00:01:40,914 Do you really wanna do that? 45 00:01:41,534 --> 00:01:44,750 Instead, tenderly explain why you feel God's leading 46 00:01:44,750 --> 00:01:46,049 you to end the relationship. 47 00:01:47,069 --> 00:01:49,409 As you do this, remember the golden rule 48 00:01:49,549 --> 00:01:51,469 and how it would feel if someone was 49 00:01:51,469 --> 00:01:52,609 breaking up with you. 50 00:01:53,710 --> 00:01:56,350 While face to face conversation allows for far 51 00:01:56,350 --> 00:01:58,450 better closure, if that is not possible, 52 00:01:59,034 --> 00:02:01,534 a handwritten letter is the next best thing. 53 00:02:02,234 --> 00:02:04,555 A typed or emailed dear John letter is 54 00:02:04,555 --> 00:02:06,174 seen as cold and mean. 55 00:02:06,954 --> 00:02:08,334 Don't delay the inevitable. 56 00:02:09,675 --> 00:02:12,409 Okay. You've prayed over the breakup. You've discussed 57 00:02:12,409 --> 00:02:15,150 the issues with family, minister, and friends. 58 00:02:15,770 --> 00:02:17,389 You know what you need to do. 59 00:02:18,009 --> 00:02:20,330 Delaying the obvious now will not only cause 60 00:02:20,330 --> 00:02:22,650 more pain for both of you, but will 61 00:02:22,650 --> 00:02:24,189 delay the healing process. 62 00:02:25,085 --> 00:02:27,504 By acting now, you give the lord opportunity 63 00:02:27,645 --> 00:02:29,324 to begin leading both of you to the 64 00:02:29,324 --> 00:02:31,025 soulmates he has in mind. 65 00:02:32,525 --> 00:02:34,925 Many delay breakups because they may be using 66 00:02:34,925 --> 00:02:37,110 the other person until something better comes 67 00:02:38,150 --> 00:02:40,710 along. Another reason for delayed breakups is that 68 00:02:40,710 --> 00:02:43,110 the other person is manipulating by putting the 69 00:02:43,110 --> 00:02:45,349 person who wants the breakup on a guilt 70 00:02:45,349 --> 00:02:45,849 trip 71 00:02:46,229 --> 00:02:48,490 to remain in an unhealthy dating situation. 72 00:02:49,365 --> 00:02:50,824 Make a clean break. 73 00:02:51,764 --> 00:02:53,525 Right. This is going to be hard, but 74 00:02:53,525 --> 00:02:55,365 you must be strong here because it is 75 00:02:55,365 --> 00:02:57,365 in the best interest of both to move 76 00:02:57,365 --> 00:02:57,865 forward. 77 00:02:58,405 --> 00:03:00,485 This means after the breakup, there should be 78 00:03:00,485 --> 00:03:02,745 no face to face meetings if possible, 79 00:03:03,360 --> 00:03:06,340 no emails, telephone calls, letters, etcetera. 80 00:03:07,199 --> 00:03:09,699 While some couples may agree to remain friends, 81 00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:12,400 the data suggests that in over ninety percent 82 00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:13,139 of breakups, 83 00:03:13,680 --> 00:03:15,060 this fails miserably 84 00:03:15,439 --> 00:03:17,705 and only lengthens the healing process. 85 00:03:19,764 --> 00:03:21,305 Learn from the dating experience. 86 00:03:22,645 --> 00:03:24,965 Use this dating experience to learn from your 87 00:03:24,965 --> 00:03:26,665 mistakes and build on the future. 88 00:03:27,444 --> 00:03:29,545 What has the lord taught you about yourself? 89 00:03:30,170 --> 00:03:31,849 What has he taught you about what you 90 00:03:31,849 --> 00:03:33,790 need in a husband or a wife? 91 00:03:34,569 --> 00:03:36,750 If you've sexually sinned in this relationship, 92 00:03:37,450 --> 00:03:40,889 remember Jesus forgives and cleanses, first John one 93 00:03:40,889 --> 00:03:41,389 nine. 94 00:03:42,250 --> 00:03:44,324 Finally, thank him for the bright plans he 95 00:03:44,405 --> 00:03:47,224 has for you, Jeremiah twenty nine eleven. 96 00:03:48,564 --> 00:03:51,064 Dating after a breakup of a serious relationship 97 00:03:51,125 --> 00:03:53,604 can be a tricky experience for any single 98 00:03:53,604 --> 00:03:54,745 Christian or not. 99 00:03:55,444 --> 00:03:56,264 Self esteem 100 00:03:56,769 --> 00:03:57,509 issues, rejection, 101 00:03:57,969 --> 00:04:01,030 and the ever lurking possibility of rebound relationships 102 00:04:01,169 --> 00:04:03,830 are things singles need to be cognizant of 103 00:04:04,129 --> 00:04:06,709 after reentering the dating world after a breakup. 104 00:04:08,129 --> 00:04:10,724 Dating a friend's ex is a particularly dangerous 105 00:04:14,805 --> 00:04:15,305 breakup? 106 00:04:16,645 --> 00:04:19,285 Most experts in the field suggest daters wait 107 00:04:19,285 --> 00:04:21,464 at least a year after they break up. 108 00:04:21,845 --> 00:04:24,399 Whether you're thinking about dating after a divorce 109 00:04:24,620 --> 00:04:26,860 or coming out of a dating relationship that 110 00:04:26,860 --> 00:04:28,480 lasted for more than one year. 111 00:04:29,259 --> 00:04:31,819 Consider the following questions as you ponder if 112 00:04:31,819 --> 00:04:34,319 you are ready for dating after a breakup. 113 00:04:36,485 --> 00:04:38,345 Dating after a breakup tips. 114 00:04:39,845 --> 00:04:42,485 Do you hold bitterness or an unforgiving spirit 115 00:04:42,485 --> 00:04:44,024 toward your ex dating partner? 116 00:04:45,204 --> 00:04:47,704 Were you sexually active during your relationship? 117 00:04:49,204 --> 00:04:50,884 Do you have dreams of getting back with 118 00:04:50,884 --> 00:04:51,269 him or 119 00:04:52,949 --> 00:04:55,189 her? Answering yes to any of the above 120 00:04:55,189 --> 00:04:57,189 means you are definitely not ready to get 121 00:04:57,189 --> 00:04:58,729 back into the dating market. 122 00:04:59,589 --> 00:05:01,509 If you feel you passed the test and 123 00:05:01,509 --> 00:05:03,269 are ready to date again, here are some 124 00:05:03,269 --> 00:05:03,769 tips. 125 00:05:05,225 --> 00:05:07,384 First of all, now that you are single, 126 00:05:07,384 --> 00:05:09,404 take some time to enjoy your freedom. 127 00:05:10,185 --> 00:05:12,425 Whatever you do, don't rush to get into 128 00:05:12,425 --> 00:05:15,064 another relationship just because you wanna be in 129 00:05:15,064 --> 00:05:15,564 one. 130 00:05:16,185 --> 00:05:18,585 It will only cause hurt feelings and broken 131 00:05:18,585 --> 00:05:19,085 hearts. 132 00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:21,560 Take some time to move on and think 133 00:05:21,560 --> 00:05:23,240 about what you are looking for in a 134 00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:23,740 relationship. 135 00:05:25,080 --> 00:05:27,319 Remember to accept other people that you date 136 00:05:27,319 --> 00:05:28,460 for who they are. 137 00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:31,560 Some people look for somebody exactly like their 138 00:05:31,560 --> 00:05:33,819 ex and reject everyone who is different. 139 00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:36,975 Other people people try to avoid anybody who 140 00:05:36,975 --> 00:05:38,194 reminds them of their 141 00:05:38,735 --> 00:05:41,134 ex. Just accept people for who they are, 142 00:05:41,134 --> 00:05:43,215 and if you feel a connection, don't be 143 00:05:43,215 --> 00:05:44,835 scared to enter a relationship 144 00:05:45,615 --> 00:05:48,115 and do not compare people to your ex. 145 00:05:48,895 --> 00:05:50,495 Don't expect a date to end up in 146 00:05:50,495 --> 00:05:51,860 a long term relationship. 147 00:05:52,639 --> 00:05:54,240 If you do this, you will be setting 148 00:05:54,240 --> 00:05:56,180 yourself up for another fall. 149 00:05:57,199 --> 00:05:59,120 Remember that you cannot act the same way 150 00:05:59,120 --> 00:06:00,800 with a new person as you did with 151 00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:01,459 your ex, 152 00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:04,319 but don't hesitate to enjoy yourself and do 153 00:06:04,319 --> 00:06:06,319 the same activities that you did with your 154 00:06:06,319 --> 00:06:06,819 ex 155 00:06:07,225 --> 00:06:09,644 before the relationship became very serious. 156 00:06:10,824 --> 00:06:12,285 Above all, have fun. 157 00:06:12,904 --> 00:06:14,904 If you cannot enjoy yourself because you are 158 00:06:14,904 --> 00:06:17,144 still too hurt, then you should hold off 159 00:06:17,144 --> 00:06:18,845 on dating for a while more. 160 00:06:19,705 --> 00:06:21,865 Believe it or not, instead of dating issues, 161 00:06:21,865 --> 00:06:24,779 the topic of relationship breakups takes up most 162 00:06:24,779 --> 00:06:26,080 of the mail we receive 163 00:06:26,459 --> 00:06:28,560 at Christian Dating Service Plus. 164 00:06:29,580 --> 00:06:31,420 I guess the reason for this is that 165 00:06:31,420 --> 00:06:33,920 relationship breakups are one of the most painful 166 00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:35,520 experiences to endure 167 00:06:36,220 --> 00:06:38,319 right up there with unrequited love. 168 00:06:39,365 --> 00:06:42,085 The fact is relationship breakups cause lots of 169 00:06:42,085 --> 00:06:42,585 heartbreak 170 00:06:42,965 --> 00:06:44,805 even when we know it wasn't a healthy 171 00:06:44,805 --> 00:06:45,305 relationship 172 00:06:45,925 --> 00:06:47,845 and we probably should have dumped it a 173 00:06:47,845 --> 00:06:48,745 while back. 174 00:06:50,165 --> 00:06:52,889 Why do relationship breakups cause so much pain? 175 00:06:53,370 --> 00:06:54,189 It's simple. 176 00:06:54,889 --> 00:06:56,750 Whenever we invest our time, 177 00:06:57,290 --> 00:06:59,770 money, and heart into someone, it turns into 178 00:06:59,770 --> 00:07:00,830 major disappointment 179 00:07:01,370 --> 00:07:03,310 if a relationship breakup occurs. 180 00:07:04,730 --> 00:07:07,850 Relationship breakups cause singles to grieve the loss 181 00:07:07,850 --> 00:07:09,464 in a number of ways. 182 00:07:11,044 --> 00:07:13,544 A relationship breakup means loss of friendship. 183 00:07:14,964 --> 00:07:17,444 A relationship breakup involves the loss of a 184 00:07:17,444 --> 00:07:19,625 vision of things that could have been. 185 00:07:21,347 --> 00:07:23,987 A relationship breakup could entail loss of self 186 00:07:23,987 --> 00:07:24,487 esteem. 187 00:07:26,307 --> 00:07:28,387 Overall, no one should go through the breakup 188 00:07:28,387 --> 00:07:30,887 of a serious relationship without help.