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Hey. Welcome to Oasis Singles.

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My name is pastor Dave, and I'm so

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excited you're here. By the way, this site

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is not just about Christian dating service reviews

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and so forth, but it's also about life

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advice,

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all things Christian Single.

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We have articles.

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We have interactive ways that you could get

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in touch with each other, and we also

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have podcasts

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that are all about the Christian life. I

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hope you enjoy our site, and I hope

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you enjoy the podcast you're about to visit

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right now. God bless.

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Hey, everybody. How are you? This is baby

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boomer Dave at Oasis Singles. And today, we're

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gonna be talking about the fears that keep

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women and men single.

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I mean, think about it. It's crazy. The

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very things most of us desire in life

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are the very things we're afraid of, like

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a long term relationship, a marriage relationship. We

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desire those things, but certain fears, certain relationship

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anxieties keep us away from those.

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I think most of us would agree that

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fear is one of the greatest joy stealers

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in life. It just saps the energy out

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of us. It robs us of the joy

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and the intimacy

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that Jesus wants us to enjoy in our

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lives. I think that's why God mentions do

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not fear

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71 times in the bible, and many more

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times he alludes to it because he doesn't

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want us living in fear. He doesn't want

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us living in bondage. He doesn't want us

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living in relationship anxiety with others or definitely

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with him. So check it out. We interview

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dozens of people from our website at oasisdashsingles.com,

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and we ask them one question.

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What are the fears that hold you back

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from enjoying

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a relationship to the full, from finding that

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special someone, that soulmate that you want to

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spend the rest of your life with? What

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came back are many different varieties of fears.

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I mean, there's fear of everything. Right? There's

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so many phobias out there. It kinda reminded

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me of Charlie Brown Christmas, if you saw

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it, where Lucy says to Charlie Brown Or

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maybe you have pantophobia.

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Do you think you have pantophobia?

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What's pantophobia? The fear of everything.

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That's it.

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There's so many fears out there and so

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many phobias.

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I'd probably have a dozen or 2 myself.

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But what we've done is we put them

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basically in 3

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major silos because they all flow from those

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3, And we're gonna talk about that. And

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then we're gonna talk about what God says

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about fear and how we can overcome fear

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to enjoy our lives to the full, to

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enjoy our relationships

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to the full, to enjoy the Lord to

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the full. So that's where we are. So

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let's get started. The very first fear we

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wanna talk about is the fear of rejection.

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I think most of us can identify with

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this, and it really comes down to when

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you think about it, it comes down to

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an insecurity issue within ourselves,

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a lack of self esteem within ourselves. For

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whatever reason, we may feel I'm not good

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enough,

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I'm not rich enough,

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I'm not attractive enough,

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my nose is too big.

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And actually, that was one of my fears

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of a projection growing up. All my friends

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picked on me for having a big schloss.

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They would call me toucan sam, like in

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Froot Loops.

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True story. But that actually kept me away

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from asking any girl out because I thought,

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what girl would wanna go out with me?

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Because my nose is too big. And so

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I felt that way inside of me. So

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I felt I was transferring

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my insecurity to them thinking, well, they're just

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gonna reject me. And that kept me back

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for so many years. I know it sounds

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dumb and silly now,

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but that's one of the fears.

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So what is your insecurity?

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What where in your life do you feel

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they'll just gonna reject you? Where do you

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feel like no guy would ever want me

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or no girl would ever want me? So

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that's our first fear, fear of rejection.

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The second fear we wanna tackle, somewhat related

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to rejection,

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is the fear of making yourself vulnerable to

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someone else.

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Look. There's no way you can experience true

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love in a relationship

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if you're not vulnerable to that person.

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If you don't share your heart with that

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person, if you close your heart up to

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that person,

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how in the world are you going to

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experience a true love relationship?

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How are you going to experience the intimacy

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that comes in a marriage if you're afraid

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of giving yourself away? I have met so

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many people through our website and in life

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that want this relationship and this intimacy, but

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they're afraid

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to open up their heart. They're afraid to

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take that face filled risk and tell someone,

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hey. You know what?

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I love you, and I'm opening my heart

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to you. You're afraid of doing that. I'm

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telling you, fear of making yourself vulnerable, closing

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yourself off to the world will inevitably

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cause you to have regrets in life. I

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meet so many people who are going through

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life and they have these regrets. They wish

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they could have opened their heart to this

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other person

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and instead didn't. And so now they're alone.

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It's all about relationship, guys. And God wants

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us to be vulnerable

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with other people and definitely with Him to

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enjoy this amazing intimacy

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that He offers.

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He didn't create us to be alone. He

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created us to enjoy

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intimate relationship,

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and that means making yourselves vulnerable to each

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other at the right time. Now there are

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many fears like I mentioned, but the third

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and final area we're gonna be talking about

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is the fear of change.

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Yeah, I know it's hard. I'm a I'm

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a creature of habit, but many of us

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just like to be stuck in our mess,

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don't we? We're so used to being alone

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that we get used to it. And then

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when we have an opportunity to get into

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a relationship,

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we fear the changes that go along with

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that. But many of us are so used

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to the same old, same old that we

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don't realize there's a whole world out there

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that we could experience

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if we just open ourselves up to the

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possibilities

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of change. Someone once told me, and I

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think it's definitely true. He says, when the

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pain of being alone exceeds

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your fear of change,

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you'll make that change. So I wanna ask

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you, where are you in your life right

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now? Are you going through pain and loneliness?

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Does that pain exceed your fear of change?

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Well, it's time to make a change. God

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has a wonderful plan for your life. So

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what we wanna do now is share some

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scriptures of encouragement

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about how God tells us we should feel

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about our fears. The Lord has an awful

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lot to say about fear. One of the

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main things that jumps out at us as

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we read the scriptures is that God is

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continually

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admonishing us not to fear. For example, in

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a New Testament passage in Mark 536,

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Jesus encourages

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a father whose daughter was ill. He says,

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do not be fearful,

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just believe.

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How interesting.

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You could apply this to your relationship anxiety

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as well.

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On the one hand, we have fearfulness.

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On the other hand, we have belief and

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trust.

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And if you really think about it, fear

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and faith do not coexist.

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One will have to give way to the

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other. Overall, if you're a single Christian woman

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or man struggling with these spirit issues, and

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they're holding you back from meeting that special

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someone,

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take care. You're definitely not alone in your

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fears, and there's help for you.

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We suggest you pray over the following suggestions.

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Number 1,

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talk about your fears with a reputable Christian

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counselor,

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a Christian singles group person, or a trusted

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friend. Oftentimes,

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speaking about our fears with someone else brings

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us back to reality and gives us hope

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for the future.

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The advice they offer could also be very

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liberating.

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Number 2, let God's word and spirit soothe

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your heart and fears

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as you look up and meditate on what

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he actually says in the past. Here are

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a few paraphrase verses to get you started.

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I love this verse. It's one of my

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favorites. It helped me get through a lot

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of fear in my life. It's found in

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Psalm 344.

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It says, the Lord is able to deliver

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you from, check that, all your fears.

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Isaiah 51:7

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says this, do not fear the reproach of

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others or be terrified

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of their insults.

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That kind of comes back to fear of

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rejection.

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Proverbs

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2925 says, fear of men, whether they be

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single or not, is a snare.

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Again, very related to what we were talking

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about.

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Joshua 1:8. I love, love, love this.

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Don't be afraid or discouraged because

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God is with you. You know your God

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is with you every step of the way.

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He's not gonna abandon you just because you

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fear. He's with you. Hey. Thanks for popping

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in on our podcast at oasis dashsingles.com.

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If you like what you heard, if you

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got something out of it, please subscribe to

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us. Please like us. Comment on our articles,

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but also in the YouTube channel itself.

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We love you guys. We're here for you.

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Remember,

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perfect love casts out fear.

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God loves you. He has a wonderful plan

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for you. He doesn't want you living in

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the bondage of fear, but he wants you

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to enjoy life to the full. Let's go

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for it.