1 00:00:11,510 --> 00:00:15,520 You're listening to the living BDSM podcast, episode 3 23. Okay. 2 00:00:15,520 --> 00:00:16,480 The Lord's here with the one, 3 00:00:16,480 --> 00:00:21,440 the only the sadist who beat my ass while giggling 4 00:00:21,440 --> 00:00:22,680 John brownstone and. 5 00:00:22,680 --> 00:00:23,640 Enjoyed every bit of it. 6 00:00:23,860 --> 00:00:25,000 Yes. I noticed, 7 00:00:25,190 --> 00:00:29,480 I noticed I'm begging and pleading for my life and you're like, 8 00:00:31,790 --> 00:00:35,160 yeah, yeah. As it, as it goes around here, mm-hmm , 9 00:00:35,160 --> 00:00:38,520 mm-hmm this week. Uh, we're not talking about that. 10 00:00:38,920 --> 00:00:42,560 Although I will be thinking about it for a while just saying can I keep 11 00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:45,960 my eyes fully open? No, too relaxed. Anyway, uh, 12 00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:49,800 before we take a break next week, this week, we're gonna do, uh, 13 00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:53,800 an episode that y'all seem to really enjoy and certainly gets my blood pumping. 14 00:00:54,080 --> 00:00:57,400 We're responding to the BDSM side of Reddit. 15 00:00:57,400 --> 00:01:00,760 Welcome to the loving BDSM podcast. This is your first time listening. 16 00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:02,840 Glad to have you. If you're back for another week. Welcome back. 17 00:01:02,840 --> 00:01:06,640 Loving BDSM is produced every Friday for your kinky pleasure in education and 18 00:01:06,640 --> 00:01:08,960 show notes are found@lovingbdsm.net. 19 00:01:09,110 --> 00:01:12,680 Come back often and feel free to add the podcast to your favorite podcast app. 20 00:01:12,780 --> 00:01:17,040 You can also follow the show on Twitter at loving BDSM on fat life at loving 21 00:01:17,350 --> 00:01:20,000 BDSM PC on Instagram. At that handle, 22 00:01:20,030 --> 00:01:25,000 I will forever fucking hate loving DS in the number one it's at loving DS 23 00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:28,640 one or on YouTube at youtube.com/loving BDSM, 24 00:01:28,640 --> 00:01:31,160 where you can watch us live stream the podcast every Wednesday, 25 00:01:31,340 --> 00:01:32,640 all links during the show notes. 26 00:01:32,820 --> 00:01:35,440 Big thanks as always to our kinky patrons over on Patreon, 27 00:01:35,440 --> 00:01:36,520 including our newest peeps. 28 00:01:36,520 --> 00:01:39,680 We're able to keep doing this weird thing on the internet in large part because 29 00:01:39,680 --> 00:01:43,400 of our kinky community. And we are grateful for every fucking one of you. 30 00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:47,360 If you'd like to join our king community and get access to extra content and a 31 00:01:47,360 --> 00:01:50,200 discord server with a group of super cool, super nice gangsters, 32 00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:53,920 you can just join us at patreon.com/kayla Lords. 33 00:01:53,920 --> 00:01:58,720 That's patreon.com/kayla Lords, or use of link in the show notes. Okay. 34 00:01:58,720 --> 00:02:02,160 Before we get into this week's episode, 35 00:02:02,320 --> 00:02:05,680 I do have a couple of legit actual announcements. Wow. 36 00:02:06,150 --> 00:02:09,400 I know one is that this Friday, September 16th, 37 00:02:09,400 --> 00:02:12,360 I checked a calendar before we actually started recording, uh, 38 00:02:12,370 --> 00:02:15,880 is our Friday night YouTube hang out 9:30 PM. Eastern. 39 00:02:15,890 --> 00:02:19,240 We go until about midnight hour time. Uh, 40 00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:22,960 the first 30 minutes is just us like unwinding a little bit. 41 00:02:23,020 --> 00:02:27,760 And then at around 10 o'clock we will take questions and turn it into a Q and a. 42 00:02:27,760 --> 00:02:30,920 And when there are no questions, cuz lulls happen, we'll chit chat. 43 00:02:30,990 --> 00:02:35,680 What do we chit chat about? Basically everything we have had, uh, 44 00:02:35,710 --> 00:02:38,920 hard hitting debates on pie. Uh, 45 00:02:39,450 --> 00:02:44,040 we have a geeked out over whatever TV shows, uh, 46 00:02:44,100 --> 00:02:48,960 hit our, you know, geeky self, um, music has come up. 47 00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:50,800 What else? Everything bacon, everything bacon, 48 00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:55,800 there was a poll last time about bacon and the correct answer, 49 00:02:55,800 --> 00:03:00,720 which is that crispy bacon is the correct way to eat and cook and consume your 50 00:03:00,720 --> 00:03:05,200 bacon one. Uh, did I have to like 51 00:03:07,050 --> 00:03:10,280 be a little underhanded? Sure. But it won and that's all that matters. 52 00:03:10,280 --> 00:03:14,440 Cause it was the correct answer. We were house divided on our bacon, uh, 53 00:03:14,440 --> 00:03:16,040 this Friday, uh, 54 00:03:16,040 --> 00:03:20,000 siloing and X sent us a literal bag of, uh, 55 00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:23,960 dicks candy gummies. They will be consumed, uh, on the street. 56 00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:25,720 Mm-hmm mm-hmm I've been holding them since they 57 00:03:25,720 --> 00:03:28,600 arrived. Uh, the 17 year old is like, 58 00:03:28,600 --> 00:03:32,320 will you save me one of your gummy dicks? I would like to eat one too. 59 00:03:32,600 --> 00:03:36,240 and I was like, I've either done this parenting thing, 60 00:03:36,410 --> 00:03:41,280 so right or so wrong. And I don't know which so, uh, 61 00:03:41,330 --> 00:03:44,280 is it chaotic on the, the third, Friday night? 62 00:03:44,280 --> 00:03:49,080 This coming Friday for the month of September? Yes. Yes. Uh, is it also fun? 63 00:03:49,090 --> 00:03:52,440 Uh, for those of us who stick around it sure is. I'm sure we, 64 00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:54,320 we scare off some folks. That's okay. 65 00:03:54,320 --> 00:03:57,280 We like it when people self select out and go, no, 66 00:03:57,620 --> 00:04:00,760 not this is not for me. It's fine. We're not offended. Um, 67 00:04:00,760 --> 00:04:02,240 and also we try to help, uh, 68 00:04:02,240 --> 00:04:06,960 folks as best we can while having a good time that is this Friday. Uh, 69 00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:09,720 if you're subscribed to the YouTube channel, hopefully notifications work, 70 00:04:09,720 --> 00:04:11,520 but you know, let, let us not hold our breath. 71 00:04:11,650 --> 00:04:14,680 If you're subscribed to the newsletter, email newsletter, I put the link there, 72 00:04:15,330 --> 00:04:18,160 uh, podcast listeners. I put the link in the show notes. 73 00:04:18,160 --> 00:04:22,800 I try to make it as easy as I can to find it for those who want 74 00:04:23,130 --> 00:04:27,320 to be part. There we go. The next announcement we're on a break next week. Uh, 75 00:04:27,320 --> 00:04:30,920 we're not actually not working. You will be in your shop. Yeah. 76 00:04:31,110 --> 00:04:35,480 Left right and center. We're just not streaming that recording. I'm not writing. 77 00:04:35,480 --> 00:04:39,040 I have no dead deadlines for any Lance writing. Mm-hmm that, 78 00:04:39,040 --> 00:04:43,000 that part of it is a week off. Um, so yeah, 79 00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:46,960 we will not be around next week, but we'll be back the following week. 80 00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:49,480 So there you go. Okay. Okay. 81 00:04:49,650 --> 00:04:53,400 So now you are gonna do your part. I'm gonna put the fan back on. 82 00:04:53,450 --> 00:04:57,960 So we don't melt in here cuz uh, you can have autumn vibes all you want. 83 00:04:58,030 --> 00:05:00,960 I support you if, uh, I don't care what your temperature is. 84 00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:04,080 If you need to wear a cozy sweater and drink a hot drink, I think you should, 85 00:05:04,220 --> 00:05:08,040 but it's Florida and we're still very hot. um, 86 00:05:08,370 --> 00:05:11,200 so we are, uh, 87 00:05:11,240 --> 00:05:15,640 doing a BDSM Reddit response reaction. I'm still never sure what to call it. 88 00:05:15,930 --> 00:05:19,480 Um, from the BDSM side of Reddit, uh, 89 00:05:19,480 --> 00:05:23,800 all these questions came from the subreddit called BDSM advice. 90 00:05:23,840 --> 00:05:27,800 Links will be in the places, um, for YouTube. It's just a link to the, 91 00:05:27,820 --> 00:05:30,080 the subreddit for podcast listeners. 92 00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:33,040 I'll link to the different posts if you'd like, but I might just, 93 00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:34,840 maybe I'll just do the subreddit. I don't know. 94 00:05:35,230 --> 00:05:37,520 I'll make up my mind and it'll be a surprise for all of us. 95 00:05:37,530 --> 00:05:39,800 By the time this episode is out. Um, 96 00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:44,120 a big thing to both silent wing and delicate to wine for sending, uh, 97 00:05:44,120 --> 00:05:48,200 posts in basically going you tell me what you think 98 00:05:49,100 --> 00:05:50,640 and I'm, I am good with that. 99 00:05:50,640 --> 00:05:55,640 That saves me from having to comb through weeks and months of the subreddit. 100 00:05:55,640 --> 00:05:57,600 When I, when we're ready to do these, these episodes. 101 00:05:57,600 --> 00:06:02,600 So if you spend time on the BDSM side of Reddit and you come across one and 102 00:06:02,600 --> 00:06:06,240 you're like, oh, Kayla we'll have thoughts and opinions on this one. 103 00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:10,200 You are welcome to, uh, email them links to those to us. 104 00:06:10,200 --> 00:06:13,040 And I try not to lose them in my inbox, delicate. 105 00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:17,520 Twines got lost from the last I received it before the last BDSM 106 00:06:17,520 --> 00:06:22,040 Reddit episode, it got lost in the inbox. We finished that episode. 107 00:06:22,040 --> 00:06:23,760 I was going through the inbox and I went, oh shit, 108 00:06:23,910 --> 00:06:28,200 that is how I have it this time. So, uh, what we do is I'm gonna read 'em uh, 109 00:06:28,250 --> 00:06:32,680 JB has no clue cuz I'm the one that organizes this and then we will 110 00:06:33,830 --> 00:06:36,160 talk through them. Two of them are very similar, 111 00:06:36,160 --> 00:06:38,360 but I still did them both anyway, 112 00:06:38,360 --> 00:06:42,800 because they touch on different parts of a similar topic. So when that happens, 113 00:06:42,990 --> 00:06:46,480 you'll you'll know. And also we're very chaotic today and what are words? 114 00:06:46,480 --> 00:06:48,080 And I can't seem to get them out in the right order. 115 00:06:48,080 --> 00:06:51,810 So this will be interesting. Mm-hmm okay. 116 00:06:51,810 --> 00:06:55,770 Mm-hmm here we go. 117 00:06:57,200 --> 00:07:02,050 Okay. Okay. This one, uh, is called angry that my, the Dom, 118 00:07:02,050 --> 00:07:05,090 this person's the Dom angry that my limits weren't respected. 119 00:07:05,750 --> 00:07:08,010 Say can't work out. If I'm overreacting here. 120 00:07:08,010 --> 00:07:11,410 I had a session with a new sub a week ago. He was keen to rush and meet. 121 00:07:11,440 --> 00:07:14,570 I took some time to gauge his interests and limits and planned accordingly. 122 00:07:14,740 --> 00:07:16,810 He had the place to himself unexpectedly. 123 00:07:16,810 --> 00:07:19,010 So he had a spontaneous meet at his place. 124 00:07:19,200 --> 00:07:22,770 Things went pretty well for our first time. I thought we both enjoyed ourselves. 125 00:07:22,770 --> 00:07:24,530 I got a bit creative within his limits, 126 00:07:24,530 --> 00:07:26,770 made him work for what he wanted and felt comfortable, 127 00:07:26,770 --> 00:07:29,210 bossing him around and verbally abusing him. 128 00:07:29,310 --> 00:07:32,610 I'm not very experienced as a dumb or a sub. I switch by the way. 129 00:07:32,830 --> 00:07:37,330 One of my limits is that I only play sober with sober partners. I'd hate myself. 130 00:07:37,330 --> 00:07:40,490 If I accidentally hurt someone because I'd had a drink. For example, 131 00:07:40,520 --> 00:07:43,770 this is on the profile he saw before contacting me. 132 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:48,410 I turned down guys who want chem sessions over coffee. Afterwards, 133 00:07:48,410 --> 00:07:50,810 this guy tells me he was high during our session. 134 00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:54,330 He'd taken something before I arrived. I wasn't sure how to feel at the time. 135 00:07:54,470 --> 00:07:58,050 Now I feel pissed off with him and pretty angry on the one hand, 136 00:07:58,130 --> 00:08:01,210 I didn't notice he was on something. So I'm not sure it made any difference. 137 00:08:01,380 --> 00:08:04,730 On the other hand, not respecting the limit is a pretty big red flag for me. 138 00:08:04,840 --> 00:08:07,250 I don't intend to play with this guy again, for this reason. 139 00:08:07,310 --> 00:08:11,690 I'm weighing up whether to tell him why it feels a bit dramatic, but if I don't, 140 00:08:11,690 --> 00:08:15,930 how will he ever learn to respect a Dom's limits? Am I overreacting? 141 00:08:15,930 --> 00:08:19,410 There is an edit. Okay. That I will read later. 142 00:08:19,770 --> 00:08:22,450 Let's pretend we don't know what the edit is. 143 00:08:22,480 --> 00:08:23,313 Okay. 144 00:08:23,450 --> 00:08:27,370 Based on the initial thing, what do you think? 145 00:08:27,740 --> 00:08:30,890 Um, on the initial thing, I think, um, 146 00:08:31,080 --> 00:08:35,450 that's definitely a big red flag. Um, anytime somebody, 147 00:08:36,420 --> 00:08:41,010 um, even, even over the, over the counter medication or prescription medication, 148 00:08:41,460 --> 00:08:45,170 uh, you know, you, as the dominant, you should know. 149 00:08:45,690 --> 00:08:50,170 Right. If thingss going to affect their, their demeanor, their right focus, 150 00:08:50,170 --> 00:08:52,050 their concentration, their, or even. 151 00:08:52,050 --> 00:08:54,730 Their, even their, their pain level. Right. You know, 152 00:08:54,730 --> 00:08:58,440 different things like that. Um, you know, 153 00:08:58,610 --> 00:09:02,800 so many different things that that can be affected. Um, 154 00:09:03,660 --> 00:09:06,800 you know, it, it's something we've talked about before, you know, 155 00:09:07,190 --> 00:09:11,240 regardless of what, what you do, there is a risk in, 156 00:09:11,240 --> 00:09:13,520 in this play mm-hmm , you know, 157 00:09:14,060 --> 00:09:18,200 and you throw something into the mix that 158 00:09:19,310 --> 00:09:24,160 sure. You know, can, can change that risk factor. Um, 159 00:09:25,890 --> 00:09:28,080 it, it, it's definitely something that, 160 00:09:28,080 --> 00:09:31,440 that needs to be brought up before any kind of play. 161 00:09:31,570 --> 00:09:33,200 Do. And I agree. I agree completely. 162 00:09:33,290 --> 00:09:37,920 Do you think knowing that this person had no clue, 163 00:09:38,070 --> 00:09:39,280 like the, 164 00:09:39,280 --> 00:09:43,520 their interaction with the person during the scene did not tip them off and they 165 00:09:43,520 --> 00:09:45,720 only knew afterwards? Yes. 166 00:09:45,720 --> 00:09:47,760 It's still a limit mm-hmm it still needs to be respected. 167 00:09:47,760 --> 00:09:50,720 I have a thought on a little bit of that in a second. Yeah. Um, 168 00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:55,720 but do you think that it's, is it a, 169 00:09:55,830 --> 00:09:59,080 a mistake or is it crossing a boundary? Meaning. 170 00:09:59,390 --> 00:10:00,223 Mm-hmm . 171 00:10:01,650 --> 00:10:04,240 Is it, is it overcomable I think is what I mean. 172 00:10:04,240 --> 00:10:06,520 Um, okay. 173 00:10:06,520 --> 00:10:09,360 Like, don't do it again, like you did it. Okay. Don't do it again. 174 00:10:09,390 --> 00:10:12,320 I mean, I I've got a couple of it. Thoughts on this mm-hmm um, 175 00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:14,360 you know, one of the things, you know, 176 00:10:14,360 --> 00:10:18,760 he mentioned he did not notice anything during the scene mm-hmm , 177 00:10:18,760 --> 00:10:21,920 you know, that there was, there was any difference. Um, 178 00:10:23,870 --> 00:10:28,080 I, I think this was the first time they played together. Yes. You know? 179 00:10:28,130 --> 00:10:32,480 So how would he notice any difference cuz he has no baseline true to, 180 00:10:32,530 --> 00:10:33,520 to go by? We. 181 00:10:33,520 --> 00:10:34,680 Don't know their gender go. 182 00:10:34,680 --> 00:10:38,880 With they. Yeah. Okay. Um, so yeah, they, 183 00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:41,680 they have no baseline to go by. Sure. 184 00:10:42,340 --> 00:10:46,840 And you know, um, the fact that nothing happened, 185 00:10:47,510 --> 00:10:51,480 I consider that lucky. Gotcha. Okay. Now, 186 00:10:51,650 --> 00:10:55,760 as for this, um, you know, being 187 00:10:57,420 --> 00:11:01,360 unforgivable so to speak, um, 188 00:11:03,130 --> 00:11:07,800 it depends on the person. Sure. Okay. Uh, 189 00:11:07,900 --> 00:11:11,680 you know, they said they were gonna talk to them, 190 00:11:11,680 --> 00:11:16,200 bring it up and, and you know, and I think it's be, 191 00:11:17,090 --> 00:11:22,000 um, what the response is sure. On this, 192 00:11:22,700 --> 00:11:24,200 you know? Um, 193 00:11:25,590 --> 00:11:29,520 that that's definitely kind of disrespecting somebody's boundaries. 194 00:11:30,230 --> 00:11:34,400 I agree. But here and this, I let's just be honest I'll right ahead. 195 00:11:34,400 --> 00:11:36,960 Y'all cuz I'll, put these together after they were sent to me, 196 00:11:37,460 --> 00:11:39,320 but also let, let me point something out. 197 00:11:39,420 --> 00:11:44,200 The only way that this Dom says that that limit was communicated was 198 00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:45,360 written in their bio. 199 00:11:45,820 --> 00:11:49,320 Now I think personally that yes, 200 00:11:49,320 --> 00:11:51,720 you should read a person's bio . 201 00:11:52,110 --> 00:11:56,280 I think that that alone can weed out 202 00:11:56,630 --> 00:12:00,680 people who are not paying attention to the details that are important to you. 203 00:12:00,680 --> 00:12:04,280 Right. I think that is a valid way to go. Are you worth my time? 204 00:12:04,280 --> 00:12:06,920 Did you read my bio? Right? Sure. Okay. I think that's fine. However, 205 00:12:06,920 --> 00:12:09,680 when we're talking limits personally, 206 00:12:10,550 --> 00:12:14,680 I think there should have been, been a reiteration of the limits, 207 00:12:15,530 --> 00:12:20,120 writing it for somebody to read before they've had a conversation with you. 208 00:12:20,120 --> 00:12:24,480 Mm-hmm does not necessarily mean that 209 00:12:24,610 --> 00:12:27,720 they're gonna remember it. If you never discuss it. 210 00:12:27,720 --> 00:12:30,280 Now that being said my, uh, 211 00:12:30,470 --> 00:12:32,960 advice to somebody who's gonna sing for, 212 00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:35,880 with somebody for the first time is before you get high, 213 00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:40,040 maybe check in with a partner and go, I, I was gonna do this. Yeah. 214 00:12:40,130 --> 00:12:43,320 Is this an issue? Mm. But if you don't know, well, okay. You don't know. 215 00:12:43,890 --> 00:12:48,760 So I still think that it's fine for that person to be upset 216 00:12:48,760 --> 00:12:51,920 because they don't wanna play with somebody who is not sober. Sure. 217 00:12:51,920 --> 00:12:56,840 And they did state their limit somewhere mm-hmm but I think 218 00:12:58,700 --> 00:12:59,500 any limit, 219 00:12:59,500 --> 00:13:04,480 but certainly some limits may be important enough that maybe we, 220 00:13:04,490 --> 00:13:05,440 we mentioned them. 221 00:13:05,510 --> 00:13:07,800 Well AB absolutely. Um, and, 222 00:13:07,800 --> 00:13:10,880 and this was something I picked up from when I used to attend the rope group, 223 00:13:11,650 --> 00:13:16,240 um, before play, you know, 224 00:13:16,460 --> 00:13:20,440 ask them, have you eaten, have you gone to the bathroom? Right? 225 00:13:20,440 --> 00:13:20,720 Are you. 226 00:13:20,720 --> 00:13:24,000 Hydrated? You know, was the last time you had water? Are, are, are you hydrated? 227 00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:27,360 Right? Um, have you taken anything? Sure. 228 00:13:27,360 --> 00:13:29,200 And I think you, this person says they're new. 229 00:13:29,220 --> 00:13:31,040 The other person's new mm-hmm , there's, 230 00:13:31,040 --> 00:13:35,840 there's a lot of honest mistakes that just happen when you new things that you 231 00:13:35,840 --> 00:13:39,280 go through and then go, okay, next time I'll handle this differently. 232 00:13:39,280 --> 00:13:43,640 Differently. Now there was an edit. Okay. Some more renounces edited to add. 233 00:13:43,690 --> 00:13:47,840 We spoke and cleared it up. He hadn't read my profile that carefully, 234 00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:50,320 but acknowledged he should have told me before, not after. 235 00:13:50,460 --> 00:13:54,560 And now I know I need to be clear about my limits and interests up front, 236 00:13:54,560 --> 00:13:58,200 everything they say about communication and BDSM is right. Eh, um, 237 00:13:58,450 --> 00:14:00,480 so one yes, of course. I had read that, 238 00:14:00,480 --> 00:14:04,080 but also I'd read the comments and people were pointing out, wait, this, 239 00:14:04,080 --> 00:14:07,000 you only wrote, write this. You don't actually have this conversation. 240 00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:09,280 Mm-hmm I think it's fine to have both again. 241 00:14:09,280 --> 00:14:12,840 I think it's quite frankly, me. I'd be like, wait, 242 00:14:12,840 --> 00:14:17,000 you barely read my profile. There's some important information in there. 243 00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:17,740 Yeah. Um. 244 00:14:17,740 --> 00:14:22,240 But not everybody will be that much of a stickler for those kinds of details. 245 00:14:22,240 --> 00:14:22,840 And that's. 246 00:14:22,840 --> 00:14:27,360 You know, valid. I mean, I, I hate to say it, you know, reading a, a profile is, 247 00:14:27,360 --> 00:14:31,440 is right up akin to reading an email. Yeah. You know, 248 00:14:31,460 --> 00:14:32,960 and gonna glance through it. 249 00:14:33,030 --> 00:14:35,840 I know I don't have a lot of patience for people who don't read emails closely 250 00:14:35,840 --> 00:14:40,840 either, but that's the communications person in me. So I mean, how, 251 00:14:40,840 --> 00:14:44,840 how many times have you out there, uh, 252 00:14:44,840 --> 00:14:48,400 written something down, sent it to the person and then it was clear. 253 00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:51,560 They didn't read it cuz you then had to repeat yourself in a follow up that that 254 00:14:51,560 --> 00:14:54,160 happens to all of us. so yeah. 255 00:14:54,230 --> 00:14:57,880 It's one of those things where I don't think it's a problem to put your limits 256 00:14:57,880 --> 00:15:01,520 and expectations in a, a written format on Fe life, 257 00:15:01,520 --> 00:15:03,160 on your dating profile on wherever. 258 00:15:03,460 --> 00:15:08,400 But I would say just beginner mistake here from the doms perspective that still 259 00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:10,280 weres being a conversation. Yeah. 260 00:15:10,280 --> 00:15:14,440 Because you wanna make sure certain things are clear. Sure. So, okay. 261 00:15:14,690 --> 00:15:17,240 So not ran worthy, but certainly interesting. Mm-hmm okay. 262 00:15:18,270 --> 00:15:22,320 Next one. Okay. This one is, um, a little like, 263 00:15:23,230 --> 00:15:27,840 like it's, it's got depth to it, so. Okay. Um, 264 00:15:27,940 --> 00:15:30,000 and yeah. Okay. Here we go. 265 00:15:30,180 --> 00:15:35,000 Reevaluating my kinks as a woman in my relationship and feeling many things 266 00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:36,920 need advice. Okay. Okay. 267 00:15:36,920 --> 00:15:39,160 I know that I should be talking with my partner about this, 268 00:15:39,160 --> 00:15:41,880 but I truly don't know how to express what I'm feeling correctly. 269 00:15:41,930 --> 00:15:43,920 So I was wondering if I could have some advice. 270 00:15:44,210 --> 00:15:47,040 My partner and I have been together for six months he's act, 271 00:15:47,040 --> 00:15:48,960 he's usually an amazing partner, 272 00:15:49,540 --> 00:15:53,600 but some time ago I found out that he was masturbating to nudes of other women. 273 00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:56,600 I was extremely hurt by this, but I tried to move past it. 274 00:15:56,600 --> 00:16:00,440 Something he said to me that really scares me is that he didn't see those women 275 00:16:00,440 --> 00:16:03,280 as people. I don't know what it is about what he said, 276 00:16:03,280 --> 00:16:06,560 but I feel deeply afraid when I remember that later, 277 00:16:06,560 --> 00:16:08,680 this is a technically small, 278 00:16:08,680 --> 00:16:11,800 but we were watching a movie that he said he really enjoyed. 279 00:16:12,190 --> 00:16:17,160 I noticed some pretty sexist undertones and I pointed it out and he was already 280 00:16:17,160 --> 00:16:21,360 in a really bad mood that day from things unrelated to the relationship when I 281 00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:23,960 pointed them out, he said, can't I just enjoy the movie. 282 00:16:24,030 --> 00:16:28,600 Like he didn't wanna notice the sexist aspects of the movie. I don't know why, 283 00:16:28,600 --> 00:16:31,880 but that sort of triggered me to remember what he said previously. 284 00:16:32,020 --> 00:16:36,040 And I've been just feeling a mix of disgusted fear and confusion. 285 00:16:36,300 --> 00:16:39,520 I'm usually pretty kinky and I'm super into submission being choked, 286 00:16:39,520 --> 00:16:41,120 being a slave objectification. 287 00:16:41,140 --> 00:16:43,880 But I feel like it's suddenly come to a screeching halt. 288 00:16:43,880 --> 00:16:48,600 It's almost like I don't want being submissive to be a de default forced 289 00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:53,160 onto me. And I don't actually want to be not a real person during sex. 290 00:16:53,260 --> 00:16:55,520 And I feel like I sign up for all my kinks, 291 00:16:55,520 --> 00:16:59,000 hoping that there're a special bond between me and my partner. Uh, 292 00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:02,960 and not just the way he ascribes the role of women categorically to be, 293 00:17:03,230 --> 00:17:06,440 I feel horrible thinking about my kinks. Has anyone gone through this? 294 00:17:06,480 --> 00:17:07,920 There is um, 295 00:17:09,010 --> 00:17:12,520 an edit mm-hmm I will read that. I don't remember it now. 296 00:17:12,520 --> 00:17:16,000 So I don't know if it's like a spoiler and or anything, but here we go edit. 297 00:17:16,120 --> 00:17:19,360 There was some really great comments that helped me process what exactly I was 298 00:17:19,360 --> 00:17:22,000 feeling. And you all were right. It wasn't that I'm not into my kinks. 299 00:17:22,150 --> 00:17:23,520 I felt a lack of trust. 300 00:17:23,590 --> 00:17:26,520 I spoke to him about this and he has fully acknowledged how the things he said 301 00:17:26,580 --> 00:17:29,960 had some sexist thinking and he wants to become more educated regarding the 302 00:17:29,960 --> 00:17:30,520 movie incident. 303 00:17:30,520 --> 00:17:34,600 He did say he was having a really bad day and just wanted to thoughtlessly watch 304 00:17:34,600 --> 00:17:34,960 the movie, 305 00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:39,320 but he did realize how he could enjoy it without noticing how noticing due to 306 00:17:39,320 --> 00:17:41,640 his privilege. I really appreciated everyone commenting, blah, blah, blah. 307 00:17:41,770 --> 00:17:43,240 So I think, yeah, the, 308 00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:47,520 the very first thing that comes to mind is to hear the things coming from your 309 00:17:47,520 --> 00:17:50,400 partner's mouth and to immediately have that kind of reaction. 310 00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:52,080 My first thing is, Ooh, there, 311 00:17:52,080 --> 00:17:56,920 the trust something has happened to either not build that trust or 312 00:17:56,920 --> 00:18:00,640 break that trust somewhere because that's a very real valid reaction, 313 00:18:00,640 --> 00:18:03,400 but it's a very visceral one and you kind of have to go what, 314 00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:07,520 what has happened for that to be where your mind went. And it's a, it's a, 315 00:18:07,830 --> 00:18:09,360 it's a problem of trust, 316 00:18:09,680 --> 00:18:14,040 which to me is like slow down your relationship either. Mm-hmm, 317 00:18:14,080 --> 00:18:17,840 keep working on it to build don't do anything kinky until you feel 318 00:18:17,840 --> 00:18:22,360 comfortable or use this as a way to go. Are we really compatible? 319 00:18:23,050 --> 00:18:26,960 Um, since there was a spoiler and I'd forgotten it about the trust angle, 320 00:18:27,190 --> 00:18:30,360 I would like to dig into a little bit, 321 00:18:31,300 --> 00:18:35,120 not the fact that, that she was bothered. I think that's a, a valid thing. 322 00:18:35,120 --> 00:18:38,800 There's, you know, stuff she's gone through stuff she worries about. 323 00:18:38,800 --> 00:18:42,080 I'm not gonna try to argue those points. 324 00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:46,160 Mm-hmm the things that she pointed out that bothered her though. 325 00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:49,400 Right? Those specific things. Not whether she should have been bothered or not, 326 00:18:49,500 --> 00:18:52,480 not even going there. That's kind of the thing I'd like to talk about. 327 00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:55,240 So masturbating to nudes of other women, 328 00:18:55,320 --> 00:19:00,200 which is one part of it and then saying they're not even like real 329 00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:01,960 people to me and. 330 00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:04,120 Where. 331 00:19:04,120 --> 00:19:06,480 Yeah. Where let's start there. Mm-hmm. 332 00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:06,830 . 333 00:19:06,830 --> 00:19:07,680 What do you think? 334 00:19:08,030 --> 00:19:12,640 I, I mean the whole thing of saying they're not real people. Wow. 335 00:19:12,870 --> 00:19:14,080 I know. Wow. 336 00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:15,360 I know it's. 337 00:19:15,360 --> 00:19:16,193 Like, woo. 338 00:19:16,230 --> 00:19:21,000 I mean, I get that. There can be, it's kind of, for some people, uh, 339 00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:22,840 part of the problem with porn, there's a, 340 00:19:23,390 --> 00:19:27,440 a disconnect between understanding that those are real live breathing people 341 00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:29,960 with their own feelings and wants and needs and whatever, 342 00:19:30,190 --> 00:19:34,960 versus a two dimensional fantasy that you can just, they, 343 00:19:34,960 --> 00:19:35,660 you know, 344 00:19:35,660 --> 00:19:40,480 and there's nothing wrong with having the fantasy aspect of it. 345 00:19:41,220 --> 00:19:42,920 But there, I, 346 00:19:43,070 --> 00:19:47,120 I think that it's probably important to understand that your fantasy is also not 347 00:19:47,120 --> 00:19:50,720 the reality and to be able to mm-hmm see the difference between 348 00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:55,480 the two and be able to articulate that is gonna be important when you're talking 349 00:19:55,480 --> 00:19:57,160 to other people about the things you desire. 350 00:19:57,160 --> 00:20:01,640 Because I think otherwise you're gonna come across as a misogynistic Douch yeah. 351 00:20:01,640 --> 00:20:02,473 Even if you're not. 352 00:20:02,880 --> 00:20:04,280 yeah. You're. 353 00:20:04,280 --> 00:20:05,280 Certainly gonna come across. 354 00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:09,880 That way. Yeah. I, I mean that, I, I can't think of the word, 355 00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:14,080 but I mean, that is, you know, 356 00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:20,200 everybody, regardless of, of gender, how they identify, 357 00:20:20,580 --> 00:20:23,880 who take pictures and, and, you know, 358 00:20:23,880 --> 00:20:28,720 post them in places like Fe life or only fans, um, you know, 359 00:20:28,720 --> 00:20:33,520 they do it for their own reasons. Right. Okay. Um, 360 00:20:33,570 --> 00:20:37,200 doesn't make them less sure. Of, of a real person. 361 00:20:37,290 --> 00:20:40,960 On the flip side, people masturbate to those images or videos or whatever, 362 00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:42,200 mm-hmm for their own reason. 363 00:20:42,300 --> 00:20:47,080 And their reason doesn't have to be tasteful. 364 00:20:47,240 --> 00:20:49,800 It doesn't have to be something anybody else agrees with. 365 00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:54,400 It gets to kind of be their own reason. I do think that the, the, 366 00:20:55,660 --> 00:20:59,400 the thing that has to be remembered is when you're gonna communicate that to 367 00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:03,680 somebody like they're gonna, like, I don't know, it's, 368 00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:08,640 it's maybe a more nuanced conversation than I don't even see them as human 369 00:21:08,640 --> 00:21:09,080 beings. 370 00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:11,680 Right. right. Oh my gosh. Oh. 371 00:21:11,680 --> 00:21:15,520 My gosh. Now I do think it's people, uh, from what I've seen on the, 372 00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:20,000 on the internet discourse, people fall on all kinds of line sides of this, of, 373 00:21:20,540 --> 00:21:25,080 you know, masturbating to other images or to videos or to whatever. 374 00:21:25,180 --> 00:21:30,080 And my thing is, is that while I personally don't give two fucks, 375 00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:30,920 if that's what you do, 376 00:21:31,140 --> 00:21:34,720 the reason I don't give two fuck is cuz we are open and we talk about it. 377 00:21:34,720 --> 00:21:39,240 Mm-hmm if this was a thing that bothered her and she never said 378 00:21:39,240 --> 00:21:41,680 it, she needed to say it right. 379 00:21:42,210 --> 00:21:46,240 If she had said it and said, I, I don't like this, like, 380 00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:49,160 I don't care if you masturbate or, or whatever that conversation is, 381 00:21:49,160 --> 00:21:53,080 but you know, this bothers me in some way. Um, 382 00:21:53,430 --> 00:21:57,480 then I feel like, well, are we in you just violated a limit? 383 00:21:57,500 --> 00:22:00,520 You just did a thing. You said you would not do now. 384 00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:04,520 There's definitely a separate conversation to be had about policing your 385 00:22:04,520 --> 00:22:08,280 partners, masturbation habits. Yeah. That's a different conversation. 386 00:22:08,280 --> 00:22:12,400 And I have strong opinions about that, but so a part of me is like, okay, 387 00:22:12,860 --> 00:22:17,720 was the upset because it's a thing that before he said that these 388 00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:22,160 women were not even people to him, which yeah. Okay. Just no, no, we, 389 00:22:22,160 --> 00:22:26,000 we don't. No, that's probably not the best thing to say. Um, 390 00:22:26,500 --> 00:22:30,760 had it ever been communicated, um, about 391 00:22:33,080 --> 00:22:35,360 masturbatory habits mm-hmm um, 392 00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:39,400 could this person have known that they were going to do something that upset 393 00:22:39,480 --> 00:22:42,080 their partner? If it was never said them? I'm not. 394 00:22:43,870 --> 00:22:46,040 I understand if somebody's like, 395 00:22:46,040 --> 00:22:48,520 but a lot of people are automatically upset about that. 396 00:22:48,520 --> 00:22:51,520 It's you probably should just assume, but I'm also like, no, 397 00:22:51,520 --> 00:22:54,400 we're all grownups here. If you're grown up enough to play with kink, 398 00:22:54,400 --> 00:22:57,240 you're grown up enough to have a fucking conversation about do you that's true 399 00:22:57,640 --> 00:23:02,360 masturbate. And here's how I feel. And here's the thing that I think, you know, 400 00:23:02,360 --> 00:23:05,040 maybe would bother me or here, you know, how do you, 401 00:23:05,040 --> 00:23:08,720 like you can have those conversations, right? So I, again, 402 00:23:08,840 --> 00:23:13,840 there's no right or wrong here on her being upset about what she saw and 403 00:23:13,840 --> 00:23:17,120 what he said. But I do think it's like, mm, that should have, 404 00:23:17,120 --> 00:23:19,080 that needs to be a conversation, but also, mm, 405 00:23:19,230 --> 00:23:23,160 deeper conversation about let's not police, our partners masturbation habits, 406 00:23:23,160 --> 00:23:25,280 right. Masturbation is not cheating. I think, 407 00:23:25,550 --> 00:23:28,200 I think the living BSM audience would know that, 408 00:23:28,380 --> 00:23:32,600 but there are way too many people who think that 409 00:23:32,880 --> 00:23:37,800 masturbating and even halfway thinking of another human being that is 410 00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:40,280 not your partner is air quote cheating. Like, yes. 411 00:23:40,670 --> 00:23:44,880 I have strong opinions that it's not, it's not at all. okay. So then, 412 00:23:45,330 --> 00:23:50,280 um, the next part was the movie and it having sexist 413 00:23:50,280 --> 00:23:53,320 undertones and him being like, I just wanna enjoy this movie. 414 00:23:53,660 --> 00:23:56,040 Can I say as somebody who yes, 415 00:23:56,710 --> 00:24:00,440 absolutely can pick apart a movie sometimes and be like, oh my God, 416 00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:02,040 this is ridiculous. 417 00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:07,480 Sometimes I just wanna watch a movie too. kinda, 418 00:24:07,790 --> 00:24:12,160 I feel like it was one of those things where there's already something going on 419 00:24:12,160 --> 00:24:16,400 for her, where her trust is drastically diminished. Just not even there, maybe, 420 00:24:16,460 --> 00:24:18,120 you know, broken completely mm-hmm . 421 00:24:18,120 --> 00:24:21,440 And so then it becomes everything takes on deeper, 422 00:24:21,440 --> 00:24:25,760 meaning then maybe it would in a diff you know, if things were different. Right. 423 00:24:25,820 --> 00:24:28,960 But I can't be mad at him that in the moment he was like, 424 00:24:28,960 --> 00:24:33,400 I don't really wanna talk about the sexist this movie. Can we, 425 00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:37,240 can we talk about that later? Yeah. Can I just enjoy, I mean, 426 00:24:37,240 --> 00:24:39,360 some of us just enjoy trash media, 427 00:24:39,860 --> 00:24:44,720 I'm not gonna tell you secretary was the best representation 428 00:24:44,880 --> 00:24:48,520 of BSM. I will never say that. I'm gonna say, 429 00:24:48,520 --> 00:24:51,440 can I please sit here and watch it? We can debate it later, 430 00:24:51,440 --> 00:24:56,440 but right now I'm feeling a way about what's happening on this screen. Right? 431 00:24:56,440 --> 00:25:01,200 Because your fantasies can be completely different from how you feel about 432 00:25:01,200 --> 00:25:05,240 reality, because true. My fantasy has, 433 00:25:06,070 --> 00:25:10,480 I don't fantasize often, but when I do there's so much degradation, 434 00:25:10,480 --> 00:25:14,920 like there's so, and in the fantasy, it's not even consensual, like it's, 435 00:25:15,390 --> 00:25:18,360 it's, it's dark up in the brain. 436 00:25:18,360 --> 00:25:21,440 Sometimes I would never want that in real life. 437 00:25:21,440 --> 00:25:25,360 I might not even wanna see that portrayed in media in some way in a movie or a 438 00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:27,600 TV show. Mm-hmm like, I might not even be comfortable with that. 439 00:25:27,600 --> 00:25:31,280 Yeah. But what I fantasize about and what gets me hot and turned on 440 00:25:32,790 --> 00:25:36,720 a hope does not like somehow represent who I am as a person. 441 00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:40,400 And how I think that, you know, people in general should be treated either. 442 00:25:40,400 --> 00:25:40,880 Yeah. Again, 443 00:25:40,880 --> 00:25:45,120 this goes back to something has happened either in her past or between them. 444 00:25:45,120 --> 00:25:49,760 And trust is just crumbling because everything takes on deeper meaning. 445 00:25:49,760 --> 00:25:52,040 Yeah. But also outside of this, 446 00:25:52,040 --> 00:25:55,040 when you're not kind of going through something and maybe you're with another 447 00:25:55,040 --> 00:25:58,040 partner where the trust is established, let's be clear. 448 00:25:58,140 --> 00:26:03,000 The things that turn us on excited us are mindless media are not always 449 00:26:03,100 --> 00:26:05,600 representative of who we are as a person. 450 00:26:05,860 --> 00:26:10,600 You can like trash movies and still be an 451 00:26:10,600 --> 00:26:13,520 open inclusive, and, you know, uh, 452 00:26:13,520 --> 00:26:17,360 welcoming human being to other human beings. You know what I mean? Like I just, 453 00:26:18,550 --> 00:26:21,640 yeah. I, I, I sympathized with him there. 454 00:26:21,640 --> 00:26:23,440 Yeah. I, you know, I mean, 455 00:26:24,140 --> 00:26:29,000 you can pretty much watch almost anything mm-hmm 456 00:26:29,020 --> 00:26:33,560 and find something to pick apart about it. Okay. 457 00:26:33,560 --> 00:26:35,400 Mm-hmm um, you know, 458 00:26:35,400 --> 00:26:38,520 that doesn't mean to say that there are things out there that are so blatant, 459 00:26:38,520 --> 00:26:43,080 you're like, whoa, this, you know sure. Kind of, but you know, if, 460 00:26:43,280 --> 00:26:46,880 if you look hard enough, you can find something in almost anything. 461 00:26:47,370 --> 00:26:48,130 Oh sure. 462 00:26:48,130 --> 00:26:52,920 Because the media that is made is made by human beings who are out there 463 00:26:53,240 --> 00:26:54,920 existing. And we, even, 464 00:26:54,920 --> 00:26:58,920 those of us who are trying very hard will definitely have some beliefs, 465 00:26:58,920 --> 00:26:59,600 some opinions, 466 00:26:59,600 --> 00:27:04,360 some ways of looking at the world that are not as open and inclusive as we even 467 00:27:04,360 --> 00:27:08,400 would like them to be. Mm-hmm um, yeah, I think I, I, 468 00:27:08,420 --> 00:27:10,880 the thing I'm curious about in this whole situation is, 469 00:27:11,940 --> 00:27:16,880 was he aware before she finally talked to him that something 470 00:27:16,880 --> 00:27:17,600 wasn't right. Mm-hmm, 471 00:27:17,600 --> 00:27:20,600 not the extent to what was going on for her and how she was 472 00:27:20,600 --> 00:27:23,600 feeling like he wouldn't have known that till she said something. Sure. 473 00:27:23,620 --> 00:27:26,480 But had something happened where he might, 474 00:27:26,480 --> 00:27:31,160 if he was kind of paying attention and I I'm all for both 475 00:27:31,160 --> 00:27:34,080 partners paying some fucking attention in our relationship mm-hmm , 476 00:27:34,330 --> 00:27:36,440 um, that something wasn't quite right, 477 00:27:36,440 --> 00:27:39,640 because it's one of those things of, 478 00:27:39,640 --> 00:27:44,600 are you so oblivious to your partner that she's clearly going through something 479 00:27:44,600 --> 00:27:45,840 and you're like, I'm just having a bad day. 480 00:27:45,840 --> 00:27:48,920 I wanna watch a movie and never once go is everything okay. Right. 481 00:27:49,260 --> 00:27:52,000 And I know not everybody knows how to read other people like that. 482 00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:54,520 And if you haven't been together long enough, it's even harder. 483 00:27:54,520 --> 00:27:59,040 Cuz you don't quite know your partner's typical baseline of behavior and mood. 484 00:27:59,040 --> 00:28:00,760 And like I get all that. Yeah. 485 00:28:00,760 --> 00:28:04,680 But was this something that was just sort of being completely hidden 486 00:28:05,460 --> 00:28:10,280 and he's clueless and just trying to live his life imperfectly, uh, clearly, um, 487 00:28:10,930 --> 00:28:14,200 or was he just completely oblivious and obtuse and just let, 488 00:28:14,380 --> 00:28:19,120 let her clear be somehow kind of level of upset and never questioned it. 489 00:28:19,610 --> 00:28:24,440 If it's that I'm less impressed cause then it 490 00:28:24,440 --> 00:28:27,600 becomes all these things that start adding up together to create a, 491 00:28:27,650 --> 00:28:31,520 an idea of the character of this person. Like we can all have trash opinions. 492 00:28:31,520 --> 00:28:36,520 We can all not care about a thing in a moment we can all in artfully word 493 00:28:36,520 --> 00:28:40,080 something and it upset the other person mm-hmm that can happen to 494 00:28:40,080 --> 00:28:40,620 all of us. 495 00:28:40,620 --> 00:28:45,120 But also if this is happening over and over again and it's 496 00:28:45,120 --> 00:28:49,800 upsetting your mood at some point I need to be, oh, we are just enough to go. 497 00:28:49,800 --> 00:28:50,600 Is everything okay? 498 00:28:50,600 --> 00:28:52,440 Yeah. I mean, you know, it, it, 499 00:28:52,440 --> 00:28:56,520 it does say and know that they had been together for just six months mm-hmm 500 00:28:56,560 --> 00:28:59,080 , which is not a long time mm-hmm you know, 501 00:28:59,130 --> 00:29:03,760 so they are still in the, in the learning yeah. Phase. 502 00:29:04,020 --> 00:29:06,720 And, and not that you don't learn throughout, I mean, 503 00:29:06,720 --> 00:29:09,640 hell we we're together now, you know, 504 00:29:09,640 --> 00:29:12,200 feels like forever and we're. 505 00:29:13,440 --> 00:29:16,680 didn't sail again. We're still didn't say it like no. 506 00:29:19,350 --> 00:29:23,560 Saying that we've been together forever should be followed by birds, uh, 507 00:29:23,560 --> 00:29:28,360 Twittering and the harp playing and the light brightening up and probably butter. 508 00:29:28,360 --> 00:29:31,200 Rainbow don't don't forget the butterflies sliding. Yes. Yes. Okay. 509 00:29:31,620 --> 00:29:34,640 And glitter somehow glitters in the air. I don't know how, but it's there. Yeah. 510 00:29:34,640 --> 00:29:37,920 That, that's how you should say that in reference to us but yes, 511 00:29:38,030 --> 00:29:41,000 like I get it there's they are still learning a lot and quite frankly, 512 00:29:41,300 --> 00:29:45,080 I'm I I'm the edit. 513 00:29:45,080 --> 00:29:48,800 I'm glad they talked mm-hmm I'm glad that he was willing to talk. 514 00:29:48,800 --> 00:29:49,800 Sure. And it took some of that in, 515 00:29:49,800 --> 00:29:53,000 because that to me is an indicator that maybe that they can, 516 00:29:53,110 --> 00:29:54,360 they can move past this. 517 00:29:54,880 --> 00:29:55,840 Together. They, they can work through it. Yeah. 518 00:29:55,840 --> 00:30:00,720 Because if the end result is she tried to have a conversation 519 00:30:00,720 --> 00:30:01,720 and he blew her off, 520 00:30:01,720 --> 00:30:05,480 then that tells you what you need to know about this relationship. Now, 521 00:30:05,480 --> 00:30:10,280 before we move on, there is a third part about her concerns about, 522 00:30:11,170 --> 00:30:13,520 um, being submissive and wanting that, 523 00:30:13,520 --> 00:30:18,400 but also seeing him through this lens of all this misogyny and sexism, 524 00:30:18,400 --> 00:30:22,800 mm-hmm, how to rethinking her submission and you and I, I think, 525 00:30:23,300 --> 00:30:27,240 and experienced gangsters, I think will already understand the difference here. 526 00:30:27,240 --> 00:30:31,640 The difference is she was fearful of something that was clearly, uh, 527 00:30:31,640 --> 00:30:35,800 lacking consent. And what she is turned on by is the stuff she consents to. 528 00:30:36,020 --> 00:30:39,320 And that's a big part of it. If she's not trusting him, 529 00:30:39,320 --> 00:30:43,800 maybe she is now maybe not. Yeah. But at the time of writing this, 530 00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:47,400 there was clearly a breakdown of trust. There was a breakdown of communication. 531 00:30:47,400 --> 00:30:47,820 Correct. 532 00:30:47,820 --> 00:30:52,560 And she was imagining him to be a certain type of 533 00:30:52,560 --> 00:30:56,280 person. And that certain type of person does not respect consent. You know what? 534 00:30:56,530 --> 00:31:01,080 My little subby feels would've dried the fuck up to it is , 535 00:31:01,730 --> 00:31:06,000 uh, being in that kind of environment with a person that you don't trust and you 536 00:31:06,000 --> 00:31:07,280 don't think will respect consent. 537 00:31:07,490 --> 00:31:11,080 Mm it's hard to let go of control and let them do yeah. 538 00:31:11,150 --> 00:31:15,320 Some things to you. So that makes sense to me that you felt that way. Well. 539 00:31:15,620 --> 00:31:17,480 Yes and no. I mean, you, 540 00:31:17,580 --> 00:31:22,080 you said the word assumptions mm-hmm , you know, and, 541 00:31:22,080 --> 00:31:26,680 and assumptions come from, not knowing. Sure. And right. And not, 542 00:31:26,680 --> 00:31:28,600 and they're not, and not communicating. Right. 543 00:31:28,820 --> 00:31:31,480 But I also understand if you have built this, 544 00:31:31,480 --> 00:31:33,000 you're having these feelings in your head, 545 00:31:33,000 --> 00:31:37,280 you're seeing all these little details come together and you're crafting this 546 00:31:38,000 --> 00:31:40,720 story in your head of who this person is. 547 00:31:40,720 --> 00:31:43,680 Mm-hmm and what they think and what this means. 548 00:31:44,620 --> 00:31:47,360 And that's a person you're trying to have a relationship with where you are 549 00:31:47,360 --> 00:31:51,520 submissive to them. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. That, that, uh, 550 00:31:51,610 --> 00:31:55,880 river's going dry, right? The fuck up. It's not even a, a for, 551 00:31:55,880 --> 00:31:59,640 I can relate to that because for me, it's not just a, a fear of it, 552 00:31:59,640 --> 00:32:02,080 of what might happen. It's a, I don't even want to, 553 00:32:02,730 --> 00:32:07,160 because the picture she's painting in her mind of this person and it might be a 554 00:32:07,160 --> 00:32:08,560 very accurate picture. I don't know. 555 00:32:08,560 --> 00:32:11,000 Mm-hmm is somebody who's not gonna respect her, 556 00:32:11,000 --> 00:32:14,360 not gonna respect her submission. Not gonna respect her as a human being, 557 00:32:15,280 --> 00:32:19,480 somebody she can't trust. Yeah. And that's, I, I, 558 00:32:19,480 --> 00:32:23,800 it's sad that in that moment she was like, what's wrong with me? 559 00:32:24,000 --> 00:32:26,880 Maybe I'm not as kinky as I think I am when it's, 560 00:32:27,130 --> 00:32:29,640 instead of understanding that that was a, 561 00:32:30,350 --> 00:32:34,880 a direct response to who she perceived this person to be. 562 00:32:35,580 --> 00:32:39,120 And it's, it goes back a little bit to the, 563 00:32:40,030 --> 00:32:43,000 when people ask the question of how can you be a feminist and a, 564 00:32:43,000 --> 00:32:47,760 and a submissive and you know, with a male partner, well, 565 00:32:47,760 --> 00:32:52,080 it's about choice and consent. Like submission's not being forced on me. 566 00:32:52,080 --> 00:32:54,520 It's not subjugation. It's not an expectation. 567 00:32:55,030 --> 00:32:59,080 That is because of the fact that I'm a woman it's, 568 00:32:59,850 --> 00:33:03,880 there's mutual respect we're equals in this and there's trust. 569 00:33:03,880 --> 00:33:06,120 And I get to choose it of my own free will. 570 00:33:06,120 --> 00:33:09,480 And the Mo and clearly the moment she was like, am I am, 571 00:33:09,480 --> 00:33:11,280 do I get to choose this of my own free will? 572 00:33:11,280 --> 00:33:13,920 Or is this what he thinks relationships are like, mm-hmm, 573 00:33:13,960 --> 00:33:16,680 that desire was just no longer there. 574 00:33:17,060 --> 00:33:19,400 And I don't fucking blame you. And I think that that's, 575 00:33:19,400 --> 00:33:23,240 there's nothing wrong with using that as a sign y'all is this a person I 576 00:33:23,240 --> 00:33:23,920 should be with? Well, 577 00:33:23,920 --> 00:33:27,800 if you are dreading the act of submission or domination with that person, 578 00:33:27,800 --> 00:33:30,680 because of who you think that person is. Yeah. I think that's a sign. 579 00:33:31,890 --> 00:33:34,400 Do they work it out? Does, is it a miscommunication? 580 00:33:34,400 --> 00:33:38,160 Is it her previous bad tapes for her? Who knows? Who knows? 581 00:33:38,280 --> 00:33:41,840 But yeah. I mean, sometimes just let me watch the trash movie. 582 00:33:41,840 --> 00:33:46,080 We'll debate it later. Okay. Yeah. Mm. Okay. Next question. 583 00:33:47,060 --> 00:33:51,920 Ooh. This one sounds like one thing, but let us get through to it. Okay. 584 00:33:51,920 --> 00:33:53,720 Cause its something else. Okay. 585 00:33:54,330 --> 00:33:57,720 My husband just told me he's a Dom and I'm seeking answers. 586 00:33:58,650 --> 00:34:03,440 My husband together seven years married three and a half just 587 00:34:03,440 --> 00:34:07,800 told me he's been in a dumb sub relationship for 10 years. 588 00:34:08,360 --> 00:34:11,360 Initially I was very upset and thought he was just cheating, 589 00:34:11,360 --> 00:34:12,760 which I have past trauma with. 590 00:34:12,850 --> 00:34:16,920 We had a healthy open conversation so I could get more info as I'm unfamiliar 591 00:34:16,920 --> 00:34:19,440 with all of it. And I'm feeling more understanding, but curious, 592 00:34:20,050 --> 00:34:21,720 he said it's not intimate or sexual. 593 00:34:21,720 --> 00:34:24,200 And they have boundaries and are respectful of sticking to them. 594 00:34:24,330 --> 00:34:26,120 He explained it in a way I understood, 595 00:34:26,120 --> 00:34:30,840 but I still want more info as someone who is not into this lifestyle lifestyle, 596 00:34:30,840 --> 00:34:33,920 will we be able to maintain a happy relationship and make this work? 597 00:34:34,010 --> 00:34:37,840 Is anyone else in our relationship with one in the lifestyle and one not how can 598 00:34:37,840 --> 00:34:40,480 I support 'em and also make sure I feel secure and comfortable. 599 00:34:40,670 --> 00:34:43,480 I don't wanna lay down the hammer, but I'd like to understand more. 600 00:34:44,900 --> 00:34:49,360 Let me just say something. Y'all known one another for seven years, 601 00:34:49,360 --> 00:34:52,800 you've been married for three and a half and he's been in a power exchange 602 00:34:52,800 --> 00:34:54,480 relationship with another human being for 10 years. 603 00:34:54,480 --> 00:34:55,560 10 Years. And you're. 604 00:34:55,560 --> 00:35:00,240 Just now finding out, look, kick the whole motherfucker out. 605 00:35:00,360 --> 00:35:04,520 Okay. Just because here's the thing, the question is not, 606 00:35:04,740 --> 00:35:08,720 can I be in a vanilla relationship with somebody who is in a power exchange and 607 00:35:08,720 --> 00:35:10,760 make that work? The answer is yeah, you could, 608 00:35:10,980 --> 00:35:13,120 but how the fuck do you trust him? 609 00:35:13,120 --> 00:35:14,520 Right. Seven. 610 00:35:14,520 --> 00:35:16,840 Years. Right. And never mentioned it. Mm-hmm. 611 00:35:16,880 --> 00:35:17,350 . 612 00:35:17,350 --> 00:35:20,240 Like been hiding a big ass secret. 613 00:35:20,480 --> 00:35:24,840 Right. And that, that is seven fucking years. That is a big secret. And cause. 614 00:35:24,840 --> 00:35:28,080 It's not about having the relationship. It's about hiding it. Yeah. 615 00:35:28,080 --> 00:35:30,880 And lying about it. Right. What the actual. 616 00:35:30,910 --> 00:35:34,360 Fuck. I mean, you know it it's um, 617 00:35:37,190 --> 00:35:39,520 yeah. Wow. Um, are you fucking. 618 00:35:39,520 --> 00:35:41,760 Kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me? 619 00:35:42,270 --> 00:35:46,720 Yeah. Um, wow. That blows my mind. 620 00:35:47,250 --> 00:35:52,000 It, it really does. Um, yeah, that, 621 00:35:52,000 --> 00:35:56,080 that should have been a conversation way before. 622 00:35:56,310 --> 00:35:59,560 I've decided that maybe we can, I can see something and I've, 623 00:35:59,560 --> 00:36:03,560 I'm feeling a connection to you. I have to tell you this thing about me. Right? 624 00:36:03,560 --> 00:36:06,520 So that you get to make fully informed choices for yourself. Right? 625 00:36:06,520 --> 00:36:07,960 That's what this motherfucker did. 626 00:36:08,050 --> 00:36:12,320 He took away his now I don't know spouses 627 00:36:12,810 --> 00:36:14,840 ability to choose this life, 628 00:36:14,890 --> 00:36:19,600 to learn for themselves before committing in a very legal 629 00:36:19,620 --> 00:36:23,400 way. A very civil government, red tape kind of way. 630 00:36:26,330 --> 00:36:27,480 He took that choice away. 631 00:36:27,480 --> 00:36:28,560 From her rumor. Yeah. So. 632 00:36:28,560 --> 00:36:33,230 It doesn't matter if yeah. In other circumstances you could make a work. Yeah. 633 00:36:33,230 --> 00:36:38,070 I think if we're not looking at the fact that lie or liar pants on fucking fire, 634 00:36:38,500 --> 00:36:43,310 take that out. And we just look at the question. Yeah. Is it difficult as fuck? 635 00:36:43,380 --> 00:36:47,230 Absolutely. Right. Is it gonna be the right choice for everybody? Hell the fuck. 636 00:36:47,230 --> 00:36:50,990 No. Mm-hmm just because open relationships NoMy whatever, 637 00:36:51,230 --> 00:36:56,190 whatever are finally kind of getting more attention still does not make the 638 00:36:56,190 --> 00:36:59,470 mainstream. It should not be an automatic expectation. 639 00:36:59,470 --> 00:37:01,230 Mm-hmm whether you're kinky or not, 640 00:37:01,230 --> 00:37:05,030 everybody should have the right to go. That is not for me. Let me yeah. 641 00:37:05,030 --> 00:37:07,510 Uh, move myself. I, I find it. He. 642 00:37:07,510 --> 00:37:08,230 Took away her fucking. 643 00:37:08,230 --> 00:37:12,790 Choice. I, I found it kind of, I ironic that, you know, he, 644 00:37:13,240 --> 00:37:17,670 he tells his partner that, well, 645 00:37:17,670 --> 00:37:21,350 you know, we, we were, it's not sexual. It's not intimate. 646 00:37:21,350 --> 00:37:24,710 And we respect boundaries, but not theirs. It's not theirs. 647 00:37:25,220 --> 00:37:30,190 I respect the boundaries of my submissive, but not my legally married spouse. 648 00:37:30,580 --> 00:37:33,190 Yeah. Yeah. 649 00:37:33,340 --> 00:37:37,190 Make that make fucking sense. Oh God. 650 00:37:37,190 --> 00:37:39,710 Why is this person not more pissed off? Right. 651 00:37:39,740 --> 00:37:41,310 I would like them to please be more pissed. 652 00:37:41,310 --> 00:37:45,110 Off mm-hmm mm-hmm because it's like the, the trust, 653 00:37:45,110 --> 00:37:49,630 the respect and the honesty seems to be okay in the 654 00:37:49,630 --> 00:37:52,750 relationship with the submissive, but not with his wife. 655 00:37:52,750 --> 00:37:54,510 But see, now I have questions. Does. 656 00:37:54,510 --> 00:37:56,230 This dismiss him know? Right. 657 00:37:56,400 --> 00:37:59,510 Is this motherfucker in the middle going? I'll just have whatever I want. 658 00:37:59,510 --> 00:38:00,710 And I won't tell no damn body. 659 00:38:00,710 --> 00:38:03,830 And I wanna know what kind of person you are that you can lie with a straight 660 00:38:03,830 --> 00:38:08,150 ass face for a minimum of seven years, but maybe 10 years, maybe the, 661 00:38:08,150 --> 00:38:11,110 maybe the SIM just level. I can't, 662 00:38:11,110 --> 00:38:15,510 I can't automatically assume that now because you literally been lying to the 663 00:38:15,510 --> 00:38:19,390 person you are now married to mm-hmm the entire, 664 00:38:19,510 --> 00:38:23,990 the entirety of the relationship knew it when you met him 665 00:38:26,420 --> 00:38:30,720 and didn't think you should say anything. That's a, 666 00:38:30,720 --> 00:38:32,240 I want my fucking cake and eat it too. 667 00:38:32,240 --> 00:38:34,800 I don't have to care what you think I'm gonna get what I want. 668 00:38:34,800 --> 00:38:38,040 Want the best of both worlds without the hassle. Yeah. 669 00:38:38,100 --> 00:38:39,720 And also I've now got questions. 670 00:38:39,720 --> 00:38:44,640 A person who can have that big of a secret and have apparently a relationship 671 00:38:44,640 --> 00:38:47,920 that could survive 10 years, seven of these, this, with this other person, 672 00:38:47,920 --> 00:38:50,400 having a partner. I wanna know, uh, 673 00:38:50,540 --> 00:38:54,320 how the hell you lie with such a straight face. Yeah. Because you've, 674 00:38:54,470 --> 00:38:58,360 most of the time when somebody starts cheating and lying or, or has been, 675 00:38:58,360 --> 00:39:02,760 or whatever it crumbles because they fuck up. They, you know, 676 00:39:02,760 --> 00:39:05,960 they get a detail wrong. They crumble under the pressure. 677 00:39:05,960 --> 00:39:07,640 Like whatever something happens 678 00:39:09,190 --> 00:39:14,140 that that doesn't seem necessarily to have been how 679 00:39:14,140 --> 00:39:14,780 this went down. 680 00:39:14,780 --> 00:39:19,460 So this person is a stone cold liar. 681 00:39:19,460 --> 00:39:23,380 Yeah. How could I ever believe another word that came outta that person's mouth 682 00:39:24,480 --> 00:39:28,420 and I'm sorry from this, this is perspective. I like, I get it. 683 00:39:28,420 --> 00:39:31,620 And this is tricky cuz I know plenty of people who have found kink while they 684 00:39:31,620 --> 00:39:35,180 were married and started a relationships with other people and they were, 685 00:39:35,210 --> 00:39:38,460 they were cheating on their, their partner and it was, you know, 686 00:39:38,460 --> 00:39:40,060 there were all these factors and it's, 687 00:39:41,890 --> 00:39:45,660 it's nuanced and it's difficult and it's not a black and white, 688 00:39:45,660 --> 00:39:49,420 like you're all bad. All good. Like it's, it's not that I get it. I get it. 689 00:39:49,420 --> 00:39:50,253 I get it. 690 00:39:53,480 --> 00:39:57,020 But as a, as a submissive with trust issues, 691 00:39:57,020 --> 00:39:59,220 cuz I can only speak from my perspective. Yeah. 692 00:39:59,310 --> 00:40:04,260 If I get to watch you lie to another 693 00:40:04,260 --> 00:40:07,380 partner for the entirety of the relationship about me. 694 00:40:07,410 --> 00:40:11,700 Mm-hmm how the fuck do I ever think you're not lying to me at some 695 00:40:11,700 --> 00:40:13,500 point. Cause you're too goddamn good at it. 696 00:40:16,810 --> 00:40:20,940 Took this person seven years to find out you're too fucking good of a liar now. 697 00:40:20,940 --> 00:40:24,380 Mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm Nope. On the other side of that, 698 00:40:24,380 --> 00:40:28,420 mm-hmm from my perspective, I know not everybody sees the world the way I do. 699 00:40:28,420 --> 00:40:31,460 Yeah. But I just are, are you fucking getting me 700 00:40:33,380 --> 00:40:36,060 throw the whole person out with trash? Just. 701 00:40:37,940 --> 00:40:38,500 Clean. 702 00:40:38,500 --> 00:40:43,100 House. Oh yeah. And the reality is to the actual question being asked. 703 00:40:43,570 --> 00:40:46,820 Yeah. You can cause power exchange. Isn't always sexual. 704 00:40:46,890 --> 00:40:49,700 Mm-hmm it's very intimate, but it's not always sexual. 705 00:40:49,850 --> 00:40:52,860 It's gonna require just like any other, no monogamy situation, 706 00:40:52,890 --> 00:40:56,660 a shit ton of communication. Being honest about your feelings, 707 00:40:56,660 --> 00:41:00,900 working through your own feelings, figuring out your boundaries as you go. 708 00:41:01,710 --> 00:41:03,700 Um, cuz the thing you thought you were okay with, 709 00:41:03,700 --> 00:41:05,820 you might not be okay with when it actually happens. 710 00:41:05,820 --> 00:41:07,460 Like all those things are true. 711 00:41:07,640 --> 00:41:11,820 But if we are not starting from the baseline of total fucking 712 00:41:12,070 --> 00:41:15,900 honesty, Nope. Throw the whole motherfucker out. 713 00:41:17,380 --> 00:41:21,940 Anything you'd like to add to that one. There was, there was the Kayla rant. 714 00:41:22,610 --> 00:41:24,820 Okay. Uh, this question, 715 00:41:24,820 --> 00:41:28,060 this one is gonna be similar to one in a couple like towards the end, 716 00:41:28,060 --> 00:41:29,500 but we're gonna do 'em separate anyway. 717 00:41:29,500 --> 00:41:32,620 Mm-hmm cause they hit on different parts of this kind of 718 00:41:32,620 --> 00:41:33,410 conversation. 719 00:41:33,410 --> 00:41:38,040 So here's this one afraid about being older when starting out there are 33 720 00:41:38,040 --> 00:41:42,560 female, first of all, 33 is not older. Okay. I still remember 33. 721 00:41:42,560 --> 00:41:46,760 I was a great God year. Nothing about it. I was not old at all. 722 00:41:46,760 --> 00:41:49,720 Nothing about that. Made me older. Nothing. Just, 723 00:41:49,720 --> 00:41:52,720 I just wanna put that out there thirties. You hold onto them. 724 00:41:52,720 --> 00:41:56,600 You cherish your fucking thirties. They're gone too soon. Okay. Here we go. 725 00:41:57,030 --> 00:42:01,520 Afraid about being older when starting out 33 female. Hi. 726 00:42:01,520 --> 00:42:03,600 Does anybody have some reassurance to give me? 727 00:42:03,830 --> 00:42:07,800 I've probably been interested in kink slash BDSM for as long as I can honestly 728 00:42:08,080 --> 00:42:09,680 remember. Although I've always loved sex. 729 00:42:09,680 --> 00:42:11,520 I do find talking about it very difficult. 730 00:42:11,790 --> 00:42:14,880 I was never in an environment where sex was acknowledged as something that 731 00:42:14,880 --> 00:42:19,040 exists, uh, even let alone BDSM fast forward quite a lot of years. 732 00:42:19,040 --> 00:42:20,280 And I married an utterly, 733 00:42:20,440 --> 00:42:24,600 utterly unsatisfied with my sex life and I seemed to lost all sexual connection 734 00:42:24,600 --> 00:42:25,200 with myself. 735 00:42:25,200 --> 00:42:28,600 I've worked at myself and my communication skills a lot throughout the years and 736 00:42:28,960 --> 00:42:32,560 realized what I really feel I need is sex, including BDSM. 737 00:42:32,950 --> 00:42:36,040 I love my husband very much, but he's not going to be able to help me with this. 738 00:42:36,040 --> 00:42:38,880 I have his full blessing to explore this on my own though. 739 00:42:39,370 --> 00:42:43,640 So I'm going to my first munch this week. I'm so excited, but also afraid, 740 00:42:43,640 --> 00:42:44,310 which is normal. 741 00:42:44,310 --> 00:42:48,280 I suppose I feel like an absolute beginner and an age where I feel I'm supposed 742 00:42:48,280 --> 00:42:49,113 to be more experienced. 743 00:42:49,470 --> 00:42:52,960 I don't even really know what I'm looking for either and will be short to 744 00:42:52,960 --> 00:42:53,760 express that. 745 00:42:53,760 --> 00:42:57,000 Honestly I'm afraid people will look down at me for being closeted for this long 746 00:42:57,000 --> 00:42:58,560 because that's honestly what it feels like. 747 00:42:58,950 --> 00:43:01,120 I also know I'm probably overthinking this a lot, 748 00:43:01,120 --> 00:43:04,800 but I didn't get to wait this long before exploring this part of myself without 749 00:43:04,800 --> 00:43:07,240 the help of my anxiety. All nice. 750 00:43:07,240 --> 00:43:09,960 But also all honest words would be much appreciated. 751 00:43:10,010 --> 00:43:13,920 So when did I figure out any part about my sexual stuff? 32, 752 00:43:14,470 --> 00:43:18,760 I had to kick the previous husband to the fucking curb and then went well, 753 00:43:18,760 --> 00:43:21,600 let's go do something about this. uh, 754 00:43:21,800 --> 00:43:26,240 while it is not everybody who turns 30 something that goes, oh, 755 00:43:26,240 --> 00:43:30,640 I'm gonna figure out my sex life. I have met a shit ton of people. Yeah. 756 00:43:30,640 --> 00:43:33,840 Since the age of 32, uh, who have gone through something similar, 757 00:43:33,920 --> 00:43:36,720 they were either in their thirties, sometimes their forties, fifties, 758 00:43:36,720 --> 00:43:40,360 sixties beyond mm-hmm because life fucking happens and we live. 759 00:43:40,650 --> 00:43:43,040 If you are in Western society and culture at all, 760 00:43:43,040 --> 00:43:46,000 we live in a society that demonizes sex, 761 00:43:46,270 --> 00:43:50,640 hardly anybody gets good sex education. We certainly don't talk as a, 762 00:43:50,690 --> 00:43:54,680 as a general rule openly and honestly about sex. And so, you know what, 763 00:43:54,690 --> 00:43:58,160 if you're in your thirties and you're just now figuring out what you're into and 764 00:43:58,160 --> 00:44:00,320 going, you know what I'd like to have better sex than I'm having. 765 00:44:00,820 --> 00:44:02,800 You are not alone. Quite frankly, 766 00:44:02,800 --> 00:44:07,680 anybody who can come into like start from their teenage years into 767 00:44:07,680 --> 00:44:12,280 adulthood with a sense of who they are sexually and kink and bism whatever, 768 00:44:12,440 --> 00:44:15,840 whatever, whatever you are more fortunate than, you know? Uh, 769 00:44:15,840 --> 00:44:17,480 and we are all very happy for you, 770 00:44:17,480 --> 00:44:19,800 but we don't understand you because most of us . 771 00:44:19,800 --> 00:44:22,960 How old were you when you kind of finally went? Oh. 772 00:44:23,270 --> 00:44:26,080 Well, I mean, for me it was a little different. I was, 773 00:44:26,590 --> 00:44:29,600 I was doing kinky things in my twenties. Mm-hmm 774 00:44:31,140 --> 00:44:35,800 had no understanding of what I was doing and why I liked it. Right. Okay. 775 00:44:36,540 --> 00:44:39,440 And it wasn't until let's see, 776 00:44:43,360 --> 00:44:45,920 probably wasn't until my mid to late thirties. Mm-hmm. 777 00:44:45,960 --> 00:44:48,880 there's something about those thirties. Yeah. It's not universal. 778 00:44:48,880 --> 00:44:50,280 I know that mm-hmm my hand. 779 00:44:50,280 --> 00:44:53,840 There's a lot of us that in our thirties we went wait and. 780 00:44:54,700 --> 00:44:58,200 You know, um, I, I either, I mean, yeah, 33. 781 00:44:58,200 --> 00:45:02,640 I'm like what you are that, that person is not old. No. 782 00:45:03,090 --> 00:45:03,923 No. 783 00:45:04,070 --> 00:45:05,200 I, I have seen 784 00:45:06,720 --> 00:45:11,560 recently a number of people coming into the lifestyle in 785 00:45:11,560 --> 00:45:12,370 their sixties. 786 00:45:12,370 --> 00:45:13,280 Oh God. Yeah. 787 00:45:13,820 --> 00:45:18,560 All right. And, and starting to explore this. So, you know, no, 788 00:45:18,560 --> 00:45:21,800 there's no age limit. You don't have to be a certain age to ride the ride. 789 00:45:21,900 --> 00:45:24,000 And nobody is, first of all, 790 00:45:24,000 --> 00:45:26,920 if anybody is judging you for how old you are, 791 00:45:26,920 --> 00:45:31,640 because figuring out your kinky that they have just shown themselves to be a 792 00:45:31,990 --> 00:45:34,560 raging asshole. Mm-hmm because the reality is, 793 00:45:34,560 --> 00:45:37,000 is the vast majority of people that you're gonna come across, 794 00:45:37,000 --> 00:45:40,360 especially like a month, regardless of what their age is now, 795 00:45:40,360 --> 00:45:45,240 they probably did not start exploring on some level until 796 00:45:45,240 --> 00:45:47,920 they were older. Yeah. Sometimes it's post divorce. 797 00:45:47,920 --> 00:45:51,320 Sometimes it's after some like wild thing in life happens. 798 00:45:51,320 --> 00:45:53,960 Sometimes it's after a milestone birthday and they go, fuck this shit. 799 00:45:53,960 --> 00:45:56,040 I'm gonna go live my life. Right. You know, 800 00:45:56,040 --> 00:46:00,520 all kinds of things happen to us in life, from childhood folk going forward. 801 00:46:00,990 --> 00:46:03,920 That inhibit us in some way. 802 00:46:03,920 --> 00:46:07,800 And for plenty of people that involves our sex life, 803 00:46:07,800 --> 00:46:12,520 our kink life exploring things that the world has been telling you in 804 00:46:13,080 --> 00:46:16,760 overt and very subtle ways is deviate and wrong. 805 00:46:16,760 --> 00:46:19,360 And what the hell's wrong with you for wanting this? Like, 806 00:46:19,930 --> 00:46:23,760 it takes a pretty strong person to overcome that and go, you know what, 807 00:46:23,830 --> 00:46:26,920 fuck what everybody's been telling me and teaching me and showing me I'm gonna 808 00:46:27,200 --> 00:46:30,720 forge my own path. And for many of us that comes after, 809 00:46:30,720 --> 00:46:35,360 certainly after our twenties, like I, I hear people go, I would love to be, 810 00:46:35,360 --> 00:46:36,600 to do my twenties again. 811 00:46:36,600 --> 00:46:40,400 Mm-hmm mm-hmm would the wisdom of my forties and more money. 812 00:46:40,720 --> 00:46:41,600 Maybe, maybe. 813 00:46:42,060 --> 00:46:44,840 But to do a re be that no, no, 814 00:46:44,870 --> 00:46:49,160 I was no mm-hmm I probably, if I had known, 815 00:46:49,160 --> 00:46:51,600 then what I know now could have had better sex, 816 00:46:51,660 --> 00:46:56,560 but I don't wanna be that uncertain desperately trying to 817 00:46:56,560 --> 00:47:00,400 figure out my way in life, but definitely sure. 818 00:47:00,400 --> 00:47:04,160 I was not quite getting it right. Ball of fucking nerves. 819 00:47:04,160 --> 00:47:06,120 Like I'm still a ball of nerves. We know this, but 820 00:47:08,790 --> 00:47:11,040 32 year old me could go, you know what? 821 00:47:11,040 --> 00:47:15,000 I'm gonna write about my sex life on the internet 22 year old may have been 822 00:47:15,000 --> 00:47:17,800 like, we can't even write that down in a private journal. 823 00:47:17,800 --> 00:47:19,920 What are you talking about? Like, what are you gonna think? 824 00:47:19,920 --> 00:47:24,760 Those thoughts let alone communicate them to however 825 00:47:24,760 --> 00:47:26,440 many people might find it on the internet. Yeah. 826 00:47:26,440 --> 00:47:30,760 Like it's it's and I know again, that's not, not universally true. Everybody, 827 00:47:31,980 --> 00:47:36,240 you know, goes through life and their own path and their own time. 828 00:47:36,240 --> 00:47:39,240 But I just have met so many people. 829 00:47:39,890 --> 00:47:43,800 So about those early thirties, whether it's 30 or 32 or 35, 830 00:47:43,800 --> 00:47:44,880 something about the thirties, 831 00:47:44,880 --> 00:47:48,760 that's where a lot of people kind of go let's do something different. What, 832 00:47:48,760 --> 00:47:50,960 what I've been doing, hunting and working mm-hmm . And so the, 833 00:47:50,960 --> 00:47:52,800 the reality is, is when you go to a bunch, 834 00:47:52,800 --> 00:47:57,440 unless you happen to be in a community where the vast majority of the community 835 00:47:57,440 --> 00:48:00,200 just happens to be younger. I'm thinking of Gainesville. 836 00:48:00,200 --> 00:48:02,000 When we go to a community of, in Gainesville, 837 00:48:02,660 --> 00:48:06,680 I'm the grandma in the room sometimes. Like it's been a while since I've been, 838 00:48:06,680 --> 00:48:11,400 but it was, it's now a strange feeling to go. You could be my child I'm, 839 00:48:11,400 --> 00:48:13,120 you know, I'm officially at that age. Right? Yeah. 840 00:48:13,680 --> 00:48:18,560 Those communities might have a different that might skew a little different 841 00:48:18,560 --> 00:48:22,080 because they are younger. Cause it's a, a town with lots of younger people, 842 00:48:22,260 --> 00:48:25,880 but in other communities where you're walking in and you're like, oh shit, 843 00:48:25,880 --> 00:48:28,720 that person could be my dad. Okay. 844 00:48:29,040 --> 00:48:33,880 it's a good chance that most of the people in that room were yeah. 845 00:48:33,950 --> 00:48:36,320 Thirties, forties later before they figured it out. 846 00:48:36,320 --> 00:48:38,640 Nobody's judging you for that. And if they are judging you for that, 847 00:48:38,640 --> 00:48:42,360 they're the asshole. Right. So yeah. And please let, 848 00:48:42,360 --> 00:48:46,840 can we stop call it thirties older? As far as King's concerned, 849 00:48:46,910 --> 00:48:48,560 I just need y'all to stop. Okay. 850 00:48:48,830 --> 00:48:52,720 I plan to still be doing this shit when I'm in my seventies and eighties, 851 00:48:52,720 --> 00:48:56,480 like I might be rolling up there Maack or nudging you in your wheelchair or 852 00:48:56,640 --> 00:48:59,560 whatever we're doing. I don't know. But like I plan to, like, 853 00:48:59,560 --> 00:49:01,720 I still don't want to, okay. If I, my eighties, 854 00:49:01,720 --> 00:49:04,000 I am feeling compelled to go to a munch. 855 00:49:04,000 --> 00:49:08,640 I'm gonna be a little cranky but like, 856 00:49:09,630 --> 00:49:12,560 I wanna do this until I just physically, mentally, 857 00:49:12,560 --> 00:49:14,320 emotionally can I like when I'm dead, 858 00:49:14,320 --> 00:49:18,640 I wanna stop doing mm-hmm whatever we're doing. Yeah. So yeah, 859 00:49:19,280 --> 00:49:23,880 let's, let's fuck off with that notion that there's too old for this. 860 00:49:24,220 --> 00:49:26,000 And please, for the love of God, 861 00:49:26,000 --> 00:49:28,760 if you're in your 30 stop calling yourself an elder king star. 862 00:49:29,330 --> 00:49:31,760 If you wanna call yourself an elder ster, I mean, 863 00:49:31,760 --> 00:49:32,960 you can call yourself whatever the fuck you want. 864 00:49:32,960 --> 00:49:37,080 But those of us who are older than you, we are giving you side. 865 00:49:37,640 --> 00:49:38,473 . . 866 00:49:40,670 --> 00:49:44,440 Like, what are you doing? I don't even like, I'm not even, 867 00:49:45,070 --> 00:49:47,600 I think it's okay. Like I would call you an elder king star, 868 00:49:47,600 --> 00:49:48,720 not because you're in your sixties, 869 00:49:48,720 --> 00:49:53,120 but because you've been a part of your community and lifestyle and been actively 870 00:49:53,120 --> 00:49:56,240 trying to figure out this kink thing for yourself for about 20 years now, 871 00:49:56,240 --> 00:50:00,120 little now. Right. I think in that, in that vein, 872 00:50:00,120 --> 00:50:01,360 you're an elder king star. 873 00:50:01,360 --> 00:50:05,800 Like you remember a time before 50 shades and you remember a time 874 00:50:06,510 --> 00:50:10,040 before you, there was fat life and before the internet, 875 00:50:10,310 --> 00:50:11,560 well . 876 00:50:12,080 --> 00:50:13,240 Right. So. 877 00:50:14,830 --> 00:50:17,040 I don't even, I feel weird. I have to, I, 878 00:50:17,230 --> 00:50:22,080 I just realized like the past few months that I've understood myself to 879 00:50:22,080 --> 00:50:25,080 be a king star and started exploring kink for 10 years now. 880 00:50:25,080 --> 00:50:28,920 Mm-hmm and yet I don't, I understand I'm experienced in, 881 00:50:29,250 --> 00:50:31,240 on that level 10 years. Yeah. It's not nothing, 882 00:50:31,240 --> 00:50:35,360 but I still feel like I've got so much to fucking learn. Yeah. You know, 883 00:50:35,360 --> 00:50:37,880 so I wouldn't call myself an elder king star. 884 00:50:37,880 --> 00:50:42,040 I'm still, I'm still learning. Um, you know, I thought it was funny. Um, 885 00:50:42,310 --> 00:50:46,760 number of months back, somebody, the first time at the month, 886 00:50:46,760 --> 00:50:51,200 they were in their early twenties, um, called me a veteran . 887 00:50:52,170 --> 00:50:53,480 Oh God. How'd that feel? 888 00:50:53,610 --> 00:50:57,200 Uh, it was weird. It, it was a weird feeling . 889 00:51:00,330 --> 00:51:03,200 So yeah, just 30 threes. Not too old. 890 00:51:03,270 --> 00:51:04,400 Yeah. No, not at all. 891 00:51:04,400 --> 00:51:07,720 You shouldn't get any judgment at all if you do, they're the asshole. Right. 892 00:51:07,720 --> 00:51:08,720 And also, yeah, 893 00:51:08,750 --> 00:51:12,800 I like there's something about those thirties where you go fuck it. 894 00:51:12,870 --> 00:51:14,600 Mm-hmm and then forties, 895 00:51:14,850 --> 00:51:18,400 if you are the type of person to have that personality shift a little bit where 896 00:51:18,400 --> 00:51:21,120 you finally go fuck it. If you did it in your thirties, 897 00:51:21,120 --> 00:51:25,560 forties becomes even easier. Like, I, I still had lots of fucks in my thirties. 898 00:51:25,710 --> 00:51:29,000 I have fewer fucks to give in my forties. Excuse me. So I'm hoping for, 899 00:51:29,000 --> 00:51:32,800 for even maybe no fucks in my fifties. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. 900 00:51:33,090 --> 00:51:36,560 So next one. Uh, oh God, this one, 901 00:51:36,560 --> 00:51:39,880 this is technically really quick and simple. Okay. Uh, 902 00:51:39,880 --> 00:51:42,440 it also like made my eye Twitch. So, uh. 903 00:51:42,440 --> 00:51:43,273 Oh. 904 00:51:43,440 --> 00:51:48,320 Using a purse considered to be air quote, not submissive, 905 00:51:48,740 --> 00:51:52,920 huh? Okay. So I've been in the DS lifestyle for 20 years now, 906 00:51:52,920 --> 00:51:55,880 while I understand that over time things within the lifestyle can change. 907 00:51:56,110 --> 00:51:59,920 I have never heard of this being a thing. So I wanted to get some input on it. 908 00:52:00,140 --> 00:52:03,280 The other day I was talking to a friend of mine who used to be in the lifestyle 909 00:52:03,280 --> 00:52:04,113 for many years. 910 00:52:04,230 --> 00:52:07,640 I was telling him how excited I was to get the new purse that I ordered from 911 00:52:07,640 --> 00:52:11,560 Amazon. His reply was your Dom is letting you have a purse. 912 00:52:11,820 --> 00:52:13,280 Why would she let you have a purse? 913 00:52:13,280 --> 00:52:16,520 All that's going to do is distract you from your tasks slash duties. 914 00:52:16,670 --> 00:52:18,480 When you're with her out in the community, 915 00:52:18,480 --> 00:52:22,360 having a purse also makes you not appear very submissive as it should be your 916 00:52:22,360 --> 00:52:25,040 dominance responsibility to carry any financial things you need, 917 00:52:25,040 --> 00:52:28,560 like cash cards, IDs, et cetera. Your focus should be on her. 918 00:52:28,780 --> 00:52:32,520 Not fumbling around with things in a purse. Fuck right. 919 00:52:32,520 --> 00:52:34,800 All the way off . 920 00:52:35,950 --> 00:52:39,680 This is giving one true way. Energy. Yeah. That it's, 921 00:52:39,680 --> 00:52:42,680 it's the same level of, there's only one right way. 922 00:52:43,790 --> 00:52:46,040 MRSS not allowed to carry a fucking purse. First of all, 923 00:52:46,040 --> 00:52:47,320 if I don't carry the purse, 924 00:52:47,560 --> 00:52:51,760 where is JP going to put all the things he wants me to carry? 925 00:52:52,120 --> 00:52:56,120 There you go. Quite frankly, I, I was gonna say, um, as, 926 00:52:56,120 --> 00:52:58,720 as my submissive, when she has a person like, oh, 927 00:52:58,720 --> 00:53:01,320 Hey baby girl here carry this for me. I. 928 00:53:01,520 --> 00:53:03,840 Actually got you carrying a leather bag of your own, cuz I was like, 929 00:53:03,840 --> 00:53:06,680 I love you so much. I'm really tired of carrying your shit. But. 930 00:53:07,250 --> 00:53:10,800 No, my my stuff was heavy too. So I'm, can't deny that. 931 00:53:11,100 --> 00:53:13,000 I'm per you wanna know what El, 932 00:53:13,630 --> 00:53:17,320 this is the same energy also as dominance, 933 00:53:17,320 --> 00:53:20,920 can't perform oral sex on their partner. That makes them not. 934 00:53:21,280 --> 00:53:21,840 Dominant. Yeah. 935 00:53:21,840 --> 00:53:24,400 You're a dumbass. If you think that I'm so sorry. You know, 936 00:53:24,400 --> 00:53:28,920 I don't usually say things like that, but I'm gonna say it. Okay. 937 00:53:30,250 --> 00:53:34,560 If nobody's told you you're a dumb ass, let me be the one. Uh, 938 00:53:34,560 --> 00:53:36,880 I would like you to go sit with your dumb ass self. 939 00:53:36,880 --> 00:53:40,160 Why you think these kinds of things would ever be true? 940 00:53:40,660 --> 00:53:45,400 Why you would then spout them off to anybody else as if what you 941 00:53:45,400 --> 00:53:46,000 believe in, 942 00:53:46,000 --> 00:53:50,160 what you might do in your dynamic is what anybody else is supposed to fucking do 943 00:53:50,160 --> 00:53:54,080 in theirs. Yeah. And then I'd like you to fuck all the right way off. Just go, 944 00:53:54,080 --> 00:53:58,080 just go and come back when you're less of a fucking dumb ass. 945 00:53:58,150 --> 00:54:00,560 That is what I'm gonna say to that. 946 00:54:02,990 --> 00:54:03,823 What. 947 00:54:04,110 --> 00:54:05,200 Yeah, what. 948 00:54:05,710 --> 00:54:06,543 What. 949 00:54:06,590 --> 00:54:11,000 I know. I mean, that, that, that was pretty much my first reaction. Um, 950 00:54:11,020 --> 00:54:12,400 you know, what the fuck. 951 00:54:14,180 --> 00:54:15,013 Wow. 952 00:54:18,800 --> 00:54:22,960 Anything can be turned into a submissive item or a submissive task or a dominant 953 00:54:22,960 --> 00:54:26,840 item mm-hmm or a dominant like form of control, any fucking thing. 954 00:54:26,840 --> 00:54:31,160 So if in your dynamic you don't want your submissive or your submissive is 955 00:54:31,160 --> 00:54:35,840 willing to not carry a bag or carry their own wallet so that 956 00:54:35,840 --> 00:54:37,760 you, the dominant can be in charge of that. 957 00:54:37,760 --> 00:54:39,480 And you negotiate that and they can send to it. 958 00:54:39,480 --> 00:54:43,160 And you're realistic about it because sometimes you're really gonna want them to 959 00:54:43,160 --> 00:54:47,800 have be able to like pull out their own goddamn ID. Um, fine. 960 00:54:48,810 --> 00:54:51,480 On the other hand, if you're like, actually it's an act of service. 961 00:54:51,480 --> 00:54:53,560 If you carry this big ass bag, baby girl, 962 00:54:53,560 --> 00:54:55,560 and I'm gonna hand you all my fucking shit. 963 00:54:55,880 --> 00:55:00,480 y'all before he got his own very noise leather bag. 964 00:55:00,480 --> 00:55:04,840 It's gorgeous. I don't have a bag. That's as worth, as much as his leather bag. 965 00:55:04,840 --> 00:55:09,080 Okay. You've had it five years. It still smells like leather. 966 00:55:09,080 --> 00:55:11,680 Mm-hmm it's mm-hmm beautiful. Anyway, 967 00:55:12,270 --> 00:55:16,480 before he got the bag, baby girl, can you hold my wallet? Can you hold my vape? 968 00:55:16,540 --> 00:55:19,840 Can you hold my phone? Can you hold my sunglasses? 969 00:55:19,840 --> 00:55:21,560 Cause maybe we weren't in the car anymore. Oh, 970 00:55:21,560 --> 00:55:26,480 can you hold the little bottles of vape juice? Cause I'll need to refill. Oh, 971 00:55:26,820 --> 00:55:28,840 I'm carrying this little multi tool. Cause we're 972 00:55:30,450 --> 00:55:34,760 my per I don't carry a lot of shit. My perks it's my wallet is my phone. 973 00:55:34,880 --> 00:55:36,440 Maybe a couple little things like I. 974 00:55:36,440 --> 00:55:37,440 The rest of it was mine. 975 00:55:37,440 --> 00:55:38,880 Okay. The, and it, 976 00:55:39,170 --> 00:55:42,800 if you want to negotiate that as an active service and you do that, 977 00:55:42,820 --> 00:55:44,920 you get to fucking do that. And you know what, if, 978 00:55:45,090 --> 00:55:48,560 if you wanna do neither of those things and be like, carry your goddamn bag, 979 00:55:48,630 --> 00:55:53,480 I'll carry my own bag. We're too adult ask people who can carry your own shit. 980 00:55:53,480 --> 00:55:54,440 You get to do that too. 981 00:55:55,320 --> 00:55:56,680 We're fucking kidding. 982 00:55:56,680 --> 00:55:59,760 Me. I know. I know. I mean, yeah. You know, I, 983 00:55:59,760 --> 00:56:03,080 I can see it if that's something they want in their relationships, but. 984 00:56:03,080 --> 00:56:04,160 Then to just say that everybody. 985 00:56:04,160 --> 00:56:08,560 Has to, but that everybody has to yeah. Is, is ridiculous. Ridiculous. 986 00:56:09,830 --> 00:56:13,280 Just no, just fuck you. 987 00:56:13,280 --> 00:56:16,480 Of course you wrote in on just put your own goddamn bag. 988 00:56:16,480 --> 00:56:19,920 Just move the fuck on. Right, right. That was easy. Okay. This is our last one. 989 00:56:19,920 --> 00:56:24,040 Okay. And it's very similar to the it's similar vibes to a previous one. Okay. 990 00:56:24,040 --> 00:56:24,430 Okay. All right. 991 00:56:24,430 --> 00:56:28,920 Middle aged little mm-hmm in the past six months or so I've 992 00:56:28,920 --> 00:56:30,400 unlocked a daddy kink welcome. 993 00:56:30,900 --> 00:56:34,600 I'm 43 year old woman leaving a toxic and emotionally abusive marriage. 994 00:56:34,600 --> 00:56:37,920 I don't age regress, but I enjoy the tender dominance, uh, of, 995 00:56:37,970 --> 00:56:40,800 or a daddy in and outta the bedroom. Rest assured not my husband. 996 00:56:40,820 --> 00:56:44,160 Why rest assured I don't man. Anyway, uh, 997 00:56:44,160 --> 00:56:47,680 I guess my issue is looking for a daddy and coming out for a caregiver little 998 00:56:47,680 --> 00:56:50,200 relationship. It seems that everyone is so young. 999 00:56:50,200 --> 00:56:54,520 Either the daddys are young 25 to 30, or they're looking for young under 25. 1000 00:56:54,750 --> 00:56:57,840 I read that BDSM, especially caregiver little is the state of mind. 1001 00:56:57,840 --> 00:57:02,040 But if that's the case, what's this geriatric little supposed to do, 1002 00:57:02,200 --> 00:57:03,840 not to shock anyone, but at 43, 1003 00:57:03,840 --> 00:57:06,240 things are not as firm or as per perky as it used to be. 1004 00:57:06,240 --> 00:57:08,560 But why should that exclude me from the kink? I crave it. 1005 00:57:08,560 --> 00:57:12,160 Doesn't I want to know where you've been finding these people cuz yes, 1006 00:57:12,160 --> 00:57:16,000 they exist. I have, I have been on the internet before. 1007 00:57:16,190 --> 00:57:20,280 I have definitely seen 19 year old dads. And while that won't do it for me, 1008 00:57:20,560 --> 00:57:25,200 it'll do it for somebody else. And so no judgment, even though I, 1009 00:57:25,200 --> 00:57:29,000 I got questions, but da daddy is a vibe. Caregiver is a vibe. 1010 00:57:29,210 --> 00:57:33,520 It doesn't age doesn't mean things. Little can be a vibe too. Okay. 1011 00:57:34,130 --> 00:57:35,880 So, but yes, 1012 00:57:35,880 --> 00:57:39,280 there will be younger people looking for even younger partners. 1013 00:57:39,280 --> 00:57:41,360 Mm-hmm that's always gonna be true. Okay. 1014 00:57:43,620 --> 00:57:46,160 But I need to know where this person's hanging out. That they have, 1015 00:57:46,670 --> 00:57:51,120 they have believed that they're geriatric. I know little honey, 1016 00:57:51,120 --> 00:57:53,160 you are a, I'm almost 43. 1017 00:57:53,250 --> 00:57:56,680 So you're less than a year older than me. 1018 00:57:57,700 --> 00:58:00,160 I'm not a fucking geriatric. Well I'm, 1019 00:58:00,340 --> 00:58:03,800 I'm still fighting off the idea of middle aged. Even though when I do the math, 1020 00:58:03,800 --> 00:58:06,080 I'm definitely middle aged, but I don't fucking like it. 1021 00:58:06,080 --> 00:58:10,440 Progressive lenses and high blood pressure and all. Okay. 1022 00:58:12,560 --> 00:58:13,393 oh, okay. 1023 00:58:14,140 --> 00:58:18,680 But I know that a lot of people in the caregiver little space, 1024 00:58:18,680 --> 00:58:22,200 especially who are on the little side mm-hmm when they're new will 1025 00:58:22,200 --> 00:58:25,960 be like, but I'm older. You're right. 1026 00:58:25,960 --> 00:58:30,400 But if daddy's a vibe, then Little's a vibe doesn't mean squat. That means shit. 1027 00:58:30,400 --> 00:58:34,200 Okay. Right. Because whether you even, whether you age your grass or not, 1028 00:58:34,230 --> 00:58:38,120 does not matter, it's it's exactly what this person. 1029 00:58:38,330 --> 00:58:42,920 So I identify very strongly with what this person is looking for because it's 1030 00:58:42,920 --> 00:58:46,560 the kind of thing that I unknowingly was looking for. 1031 00:58:46,620 --> 00:58:50,640 And I think that there are plenty of people, uh, regardless of age, 1032 00:58:50,940 --> 00:58:54,760 who would identify with this and there will be little to age aggress and they 1033 00:58:54,870 --> 00:58:58,760 will have slightly different parameters they're looking for, but this, you know, 1034 00:58:59,100 --> 00:59:01,320 the Tinder dominance. Yes. 1035 00:59:01,350 --> 00:59:05,760 Please guess what those people exist 1036 00:59:06,090 --> 00:59:07,400 of all age ranges. 1037 00:59:07,400 --> 00:59:11,400 Mm-hmm all sure they do all age ranges and all genders cuz daddy's 1038 00:59:11,400 --> 00:59:16,000 alive. Okay. So of course, if 33 is not too old for fucking kink, 1039 00:59:16,000 --> 00:59:20,640 then 43 is sure shit. Not too old. Yeah. To figure out your little side. 1040 00:59:21,100 --> 00:59:24,320 But sometimes we gotta expand our horizons about where we're looking for folks. 1041 00:59:24,510 --> 00:59:26,800 True. You know, if you're like, 1042 00:59:26,800 --> 00:59:29,760 I don't have experience with dating apps and I am so fucking grateful. 1043 00:59:29,760 --> 00:59:31,600 I don't cuz it sounds from. 1044 00:59:31,600 --> 00:59:35,880 Every, from everything I've heard about dating apps, it's, it's a, it's a scary. 1045 00:59:36,010 --> 00:59:39,160 It sounds like my worst nightmare but I, 1046 00:59:39,590 --> 00:59:42,080 I understand that if you get into spaces, 1047 00:59:42,330 --> 00:59:47,200 whether that's an app or it's a certain part of the internet or a certain side 1048 00:59:47,250 --> 00:59:52,040 of a platform and you feel like you're surrounded by all the same type of 1049 00:59:52,040 --> 00:59:55,920 person, it's easy to believe that that's all that's out there. Um, 1050 00:59:55,920 --> 01:00:00,200 it might be that older people are going to the lunch or they're going to a club 1051 01:00:00,200 --> 01:00:04,840 or they're just not where you're currently hanging out online to find 1052 01:00:04,840 --> 01:00:05,760 potential partners. 1053 01:00:05,810 --> 01:00:10,480 Or they're not in the groups that you're in online. 1054 01:00:10,480 --> 01:00:15,320 Like if, if you don't, if, 1055 01:00:15,320 --> 01:00:18,200 if the place you're in, doesn't have the people you're looking for, 1056 01:00:18,200 --> 01:00:20,400 then it's time to go find a new place to be. Right. 1057 01:00:20,400 --> 01:00:25,280 And that's easier said than done. I get it, get it. Okay. 1058 01:00:25,600 --> 01:00:28,520 um, but, but we're out, 1059 01:00:28,520 --> 01:00:32,440 we're out here and you're not fucking geriatric at age 43. No, 1060 01:00:32,440 --> 01:00:36,480 I cannot allow myself to believe that because I'm about to be 43 . 1061 01:00:36,810 --> 01:00:38,960 There's, there's nothing, 1062 01:00:39,090 --> 01:00:43,800 nothing on the clubhouse door BDSM that says you have to be a certain age to 1063 01:00:43,800 --> 01:00:44,000 join. 1064 01:00:44,000 --> 01:00:47,120 Right. You don't have to be a certain height to ride the ride or a certain age, 1065 01:00:47,210 --> 01:00:48,800 uh, legal. 1066 01:00:49,070 --> 01:00:50,080 Well legal adult. 1067 01:00:50,080 --> 01:00:51,840 That's that's the minimum. Right. 1068 01:00:51,920 --> 01:00:52,753 Right. 1069 01:00:52,810 --> 01:00:54,240 So yeah. And I think, 1070 01:00:54,310 --> 01:00:58,840 I think part of it is recognizing two things at the same time, 1071 01:00:58,860 --> 01:01:02,800 one that all of it's kind of a vibe like there's, 1072 01:01:02,800 --> 01:01:06,800 mm-hmm there are specific activities you can engage in, 1073 01:01:07,170 --> 01:01:10,880 in any part of power dynamics and you know sure, sure. 1074 01:01:10,910 --> 01:01:13,120 That's what a master does. That's what a daddy does. 1075 01:01:13,120 --> 01:01:16,360 That's what a like whatever, but it's also the vibe of a person. 1076 01:01:16,370 --> 01:01:18,520 So absolutely somebody in their twenties, 1077 01:01:18,540 --> 01:01:22,440 technically even somebody 19 can give off daddy vibes. 1078 01:01:22,440 --> 01:01:25,540 And at the same time you could be like, yes, 1079 01:01:25,720 --> 01:01:28,580 but also I, at whatever age, 1080 01:01:28,580 --> 01:01:31,780 I am want a partner in a different age range. 1081 01:01:31,780 --> 01:01:36,740 And that can also be true at the same time. Um, we have a, a very dear friend. 1082 01:01:36,740 --> 01:01:38,660 I don't, haven't talked to her in a very long time, 1083 01:01:38,880 --> 01:01:42,980 but the last time she and I talked about finding a partner, 1084 01:01:43,380 --> 01:01:47,660 she'd gone out looking specifically for people who called themselves daddy and 1085 01:01:47,660 --> 01:01:52,180 was for several years, very disappointed. And I finally said, 1086 01:01:52,550 --> 01:01:54,180 there's no guarantee this will work. 1087 01:01:54,180 --> 01:01:57,380 But how about you go for the type of person who's given off the vibe, 1088 01:01:57,570 --> 01:01:58,980 fuck what they call themselves. 1089 01:01:59,720 --> 01:02:04,060 You can talk to them about whether they would be okay with being called daddy 1090 01:02:04,060 --> 01:02:08,660 later or it like point them in the direction of here's here's what caregiver 1091 01:02:08,660 --> 01:02:10,940 will is and let them, you know, gauge their own interest. 1092 01:02:10,940 --> 01:02:13,220 But you really want the vibe, right? 1093 01:02:13,220 --> 01:02:17,180 Like I know plenty of people who call themselves daddy that, Ooh, no, thank you. 1094 01:02:17,750 --> 01:02:18,320 Uh, 1095 01:02:18,320 --> 01:02:22,880 you are not as good as the gross shoe gum on the bottom of my shoe. 1096 01:02:23,030 --> 01:02:26,160 Thanks. Like you can call yourself any fucking thing you want. Yeah. 1097 01:02:26,160 --> 01:02:27,400 Can you actually be it? 1098 01:02:27,540 --> 01:02:30,520 And she was running into a lot of people who like to title, 1099 01:02:30,520 --> 01:02:32,960 but didn't like any of the responsibility mm-hmm mm-hmm no, 1100 01:02:32,960 --> 01:02:34,200 thank you. So when. 1101 01:02:34,200 --> 01:02:36,480 You walk the walk and not just talk to talk. Yeah, exactly. 1102 01:02:37,530 --> 01:02:39,040 So, yeah, 1103 01:02:40,100 --> 01:02:42,840 but I need these people to stop calling themselves too damn old for kink. 1104 01:02:42,840 --> 01:02:43,120 I know. 1105 01:02:43,120 --> 01:02:44,520 Like I just, I know, I. 1106 01:02:44,520 --> 01:02:49,080 Know like we, we got to stop this shit. I understand. And this is, uh, 1107 01:02:49,080 --> 01:02:53,000 not scientific. There's no actual, I'm sure there is data behind it, 1108 01:02:53,000 --> 01:02:55,720 but I've never like, I don't have the real like hardcore data. 1109 01:02:56,150 --> 01:02:59,680 I know that our audience skews a little bit older, 1110 01:02:59,990 --> 01:03:04,200 like I know younger people listen and watch and I I'm, I think that's great. 1111 01:03:04,200 --> 01:03:08,720 If I can help you avoid having to be 32 before you fucking knew how to have an 1112 01:03:08,720 --> 01:03:11,880 orgasm and call yourself a, I want to help you do that. 1113 01:03:12,280 --> 01:03:17,080 but anecdotally I know our audience skews a little bit 1114 01:03:17,080 --> 01:03:17,913 older 1115 01:03:19,160 --> 01:03:24,120 and so I'm kind of hoping that some of these older people who just 1116 01:03:24,650 --> 01:03:27,080 they're in spaces where everybody's younger than them will, 1117 01:03:27,080 --> 01:03:31,120 like whether it's us or somebody else whose audience skews a little bit older 1118 01:03:31,120 --> 01:03:35,120 and the kink space's like, come, come to our pool party. Okay. 1119 01:03:35,200 --> 01:03:36,560 We're cool kids too. 1120 01:03:36,960 --> 01:03:41,080 and we will also commiserate with you when, you know, 1121 01:03:41,850 --> 01:03:46,640 uh, body parts start not working quite right anymore. Yeah. Due to age and wait, 1122 01:03:46,640 --> 01:03:49,200 that thing you could do in your, your twenties, you cannot do anymore. 1123 01:03:49,480 --> 01:03:51,000 Let's learn how to do new things. 1124 01:03:51,000 --> 01:03:55,400 And also I don't have fucking time for games because apparently I'm a geriatric 1125 01:03:55,400 --> 01:03:56,233 baby girl. 1126 01:03:56,320 --> 01:04:00,040 just has to run out of fucking time in patience for this shit. 1127 01:04:00,040 --> 01:04:01,040 Like again, 1128 01:04:01,040 --> 01:04:05,240 the shit I would've put up with in my twenties will never fly in my forties. 1129 01:04:05,240 --> 01:04:07,760 Mm-hmm like, you're fucking kidding me. True. True. Uh, 1130 01:04:07,760 --> 01:04:10,360 and I think that's a little bit of the benefit of getting older. 1131 01:04:10,360 --> 01:04:14,640 Thank you very much. So yeah. Uh, if you come across yourself, 1132 01:04:14,640 --> 01:04:19,200 anybody who online in the spaces you're inhabiting and they're complaining that 1133 01:04:19,200 --> 01:04:22,320 they feel like the oldest person in the room, let them know there, 1134 01:04:22,560 --> 01:04:25,720 there are spaces out there for them. We're we're here. Okay. 1135 01:04:26,000 --> 01:04:26,833 . 1136 01:04:31,330 --> 01:04:34,640 So, uh, those were the, uh, 1137 01:04:35,110 --> 01:04:39,880 Reddit post that were sent and one or two that I found myself. 1138 01:04:40,410 --> 01:04:43,360 Um, thank you. Silent wing. Thank you, Dewan. Thank you. Those, 1139 01:04:43,370 --> 01:04:46,080 if you frequent the BDSM side of Reddit, uh, 1140 01:04:46,080 --> 01:04:48,320 there's a contact page on the loving BDSM website. 1141 01:04:48,340 --> 01:04:52,400 You can just send us a link and I will try not to lose it and save it over. 1142 01:04:52,680 --> 01:04:55,440 next time we do these, um, 1143 01:04:55,630 --> 01:05:00,480 that is it. Okay. Um, 1144 01:05:02,150 --> 01:05:05,840 a short little bonus section. Yeah. I've already lost what words are . 1145 01:05:06,630 --> 01:05:07,600 Okay. All. 1146 01:05:07,600 --> 01:05:10,360 Right. So are, are we, are we good? I don't know. 1147 01:05:11,430 --> 01:05:12,263 I dunno. 1148 01:05:12,550 --> 01:05:13,240 I don't know either, 1149 01:05:13,240 --> 01:05:16,280 but was some interesting questions and I know some conversations. 1150 01:05:16,280 --> 01:05:17,040 I'm pretty sure there were about, 1151 01:05:17,040 --> 01:05:19,280 about 10 million things I meant to say or should be saying and of not. 1152 01:05:19,280 --> 01:05:21,080 And it's one of those days. I know. 1153 01:05:21,080 --> 01:05:23,960 Uh, I know. Okay. Okay. Keep, keep the. 1154 01:05:23,960 --> 01:05:27,280 Kinky Al we will not see you next week, but we will see you the 1155 01:05:37,450 --> 01:05:38,283 do. 1156 01:05:38,700 --> 01:05:39,640 Yes, baby girl. 1157 01:05:39,640 --> 01:05:40,880 I talk to the crickets please. 1158 01:05:42,360 --> 01:05:44,280 Hmm. An interesting question. 1159 01:05:45,750 --> 01:05:47,440 I think I should be put up for debate. 1160 01:05:50,200 --> 01:05:52,080 do you really wanna debate me. 1161 01:05:53,280 --> 01:05:55,920 Right now at this point in time? No. Right. 1162 01:05:56,170 --> 01:05:59,120 So, I mean, there are times when nobody wants to debate me. 1163 01:05:59,120 --> 01:06:01,920 Not because I'm the smartest in the room or even the best debater, 1164 01:06:01,920 --> 01:06:05,560 but because I can keep talking, even when everybody else has run out of words, 1165 01:06:05,560 --> 01:06:08,760 that's true. I'm not making any fucking sense while I'm doing it. . 1166 01:06:08,760 --> 01:06:11,960 I can keep, but you, but the words are still spewing. Yes. 1167 01:06:12,350 --> 01:06:14,240 I will know that all too. Well. 1168 01:06:14,270 --> 01:06:19,240 I will let everybody ride my train of thought around the track a few 1169 01:06:19,240 --> 01:06:23,400 times and I'll win by default. didn't make the strongest. 1170 01:06:23,560 --> 01:06:26,640 Argument just by all right. All right. Enough already enough. 1171 01:06:32,250 --> 01:06:34,520 Go ahead and talk to the crickets girl. Thank. 1172 01:06:34,520 --> 01:06:35,353 You, daddy. 1173 01:06:38,610 --> 01:06:41,960 So let me do a quick check in cuz somebody was low energy and not feeling well, 1174 01:06:41,960 --> 01:06:45,360 even though I think what he does used the last ounce of his energy to beat my 1175 01:06:45,360 --> 01:06:47,480 ass and I'm here for it. Mm-hmm uh, how are you feeling? 1176 01:06:48,130 --> 01:06:50,440 Um, like I could go take a nap. Well. 1177 01:06:50,440 --> 01:06:52,400 Maybe you should cuz somebody was a nice, 1178 01:06:52,550 --> 01:06:56,120 nice lady and offer to go get the 13 year old from school today. 1179 01:06:56,120 --> 01:06:59,240 I have work to do. And I'm I'm gonna miss a day tomorrow too. And. 1180 01:06:59,660 --> 01:07:03,560 Yes, cuz what are we doing tomorrow? We're pampering ourselves. Yes. 1181 01:07:03,620 --> 01:07:05,400 For the first time in literal years. 1182 01:07:05,400 --> 01:07:06,233 Years. 1183 01:07:06,450 --> 01:07:07,560 We, uh, it, yeah, 1184 01:07:07,560 --> 01:07:10,560 we had hoped to have done this and I think we were trying to do it in August 1185 01:07:10,560 --> 01:07:14,160 before school started back, but they were booked solid for several weeks. 1186 01:07:14,160 --> 01:07:15,760 So we are getting a couple's massage. 1187 01:07:16,290 --> 01:07:19,760 We have not had one of those since before we moved in together. 1188 01:07:19,760 --> 01:07:24,040 Mm-hmm pre 2014 was the last time we got a couple's massage and 1189 01:07:24,040 --> 01:07:26,200 we're getting like super deluxe ultimate. 1190 01:07:26,200 --> 01:07:30,080 Like they're pulling out all the stops we're paying for the very expensive, uh, 1191 01:07:30,320 --> 01:07:34,280 pedicures together. We have not gotten those since pre pandemic. 1192 01:07:34,700 --> 01:07:38,640 Cuz the last time we tried to go get pedicures together, the um, 1193 01:07:38,720 --> 01:07:42,280 one of the men who worked at the nail salon shamed you or. 1194 01:07:42,280 --> 01:07:44,360 Attempted to shame, you attempted to shame me. Yeah. Yeah. 1195 01:07:44,360 --> 01:07:46,160 You were like, you can't fucking shame me, 1196 01:07:46,160 --> 01:07:48,800 but you can't annoy the shit out of me. Mm-hmm . 1197 01:07:48,940 --> 01:07:52,760 And I'll never give you business again and I'll be sure to tell others yeah. 1198 01:07:52,760 --> 01:07:53,260 About it. 1199 01:07:53,260 --> 01:07:56,280 And then the pandemic hit and everything kind of closed down and we didn't have 1200 01:07:56,280 --> 01:07:58,760 any money. Right. Then either cuz things were happening and blah, blah, blah. 1201 01:07:58,880 --> 01:07:59,040 Yeah. 1202 01:07:59,040 --> 01:08:02,480 And so I didn't worry about trying to find someone and even after everything 1203 01:08:02,480 --> 01:08:05,600 opened up and then I was like, uh, I would like a pedicure, 1204 01:08:05,600 --> 01:08:07,760 would you like a pedicure? And it was somebody cause you were like, 1205 01:08:07,780 --> 01:08:10,600 not at that fucking place. I'm like, no, no, no. Yeah. 1206 01:08:10,670 --> 01:08:13,480 I stopped going there after that as well. 1207 01:08:13,480 --> 01:08:14,040 You, you. 1208 01:08:14,040 --> 01:08:15,040 Yourself stopped. There were other issues, 1209 01:08:15,240 --> 01:08:19,320 but mostly I couldn't even stand to look at that particular person's little 1210 01:08:19,400 --> 01:08:24,360 Beaty face anyway. Um, so yeah, 1211 01:08:24,360 --> 01:08:27,800 we found a place that kind of does it all and they even advertising their site 1212 01:08:27,800 --> 01:08:30,920 that they do couples things mm-hmm so like is not unusual for, 1213 01:08:30,920 --> 01:08:34,320 you know, somebody to call up and be like, I'm can I bring my husband? You know? 1214 01:08:34,770 --> 01:08:36,720 So we uh, 1215 01:08:36,850 --> 01:08:41,160 we scheduled that weeks ago. Yeah. Um, 1216 01:08:41,190 --> 01:08:45,440 paid the deposit now the appointment's on Thursday, all we, 1217 01:08:45,450 --> 01:08:47,120 we accidentally double booked ourselves. 1218 01:08:47,120 --> 01:08:50,120 Our ice maker in the refrigerator is finally getting fixed. 1219 01:08:50,630 --> 01:08:54,480 Yeah. We, we finally broke down and called the repairman out to look at it. 1220 01:08:54,480 --> 01:08:55,920 Mm-hmm and uh, 1221 01:08:57,360 --> 01:09:02,280 after I went online and scoured numerous YouTube videos 1222 01:09:02,280 --> 01:09:07,000 about icemaker and what you can do to troubleshoot and everything I did to 1223 01:09:07,000 --> 01:09:11,760 troubleshoot came into a veil. So I got tired of hauling bags of ice. Yeah. 1224 01:09:11,760 --> 01:09:15,160 We, well I think we said last, did we talk about this last week? 1225 01:09:15,160 --> 01:09:19,200 We're basically all of the life annoyances that we kept putting off were doing 1226 01:09:19,200 --> 01:09:21,640 them all at once. Yeah. This is one of them. Um, 1227 01:09:22,740 --> 01:09:26,040 and when they came out and diagnosed the problem, uh, 1228 01:09:26,040 --> 01:09:30,160 there's a heating element in icemaker it's what allows the ice to melt just 1229 01:09:30,160 --> 01:09:33,080 enough to come off of the thing that makes the ice mm-hmm that 1230 01:09:33,080 --> 01:09:33,800 doesn't work comes. 1231 01:09:33,800 --> 01:09:34,760 Out of the ice trays. Yeah. 1232 01:09:34,840 --> 01:09:38,880 Where, um, in technical terms insert them here. I don't know. Anyway. 1233 01:09:39,370 --> 01:09:43,160 So they were like, oh, we have to order the part. We'll come back in a week, 1234 01:09:43,160 --> 01:09:44,120 blah blah. Set the schedule. 1235 01:09:44,120 --> 01:09:48,560 We're both standing there when the person goes Thursday between 11 and one, 1236 01:09:48,560 --> 01:09:51,200 we both go, okay, now grant, I was scrolling on my phone, 1237 01:09:51,200 --> 01:09:54,320 so I probably was not listening that closely and then it was like, 1238 01:09:54,320 --> 01:09:58,120 we got through the whole damn weekend and into Monday and I'm looking at the 1239 01:09:58,120 --> 01:10:01,640 family calendar that someone assigned me the task of making. 1240 01:10:01,730 --> 01:10:06,280 So we could keep up with everybody's fucking schedules. And I went, 1241 01:10:06,370 --> 01:10:10,640 oh shit, no between 11 and one, we'll be doing something else. 1242 01:10:10,640 --> 01:10:12,480 And I'm not rescheduling. 1243 01:10:12,480 --> 01:10:14,000 That no, it took. 1244 01:10:14,380 --> 01:10:17,480 Six or eight weeks, seven weeks to get it like something. 1245 01:10:17,480 --> 01:10:19,360 Crazy as well. Yeah. Something like that. You told me. Yeah. 1246 01:10:19,500 --> 01:10:22,240 And so, yeah, cuz I was calling at the end of July, 1247 01:10:22,310 --> 01:10:26,720 hoping to get in in August and not until September anyway. Um, 1248 01:10:27,740 --> 01:10:31,560 and so we called and so now they're coming tomorrow between three and five, 1249 01:10:31,600 --> 01:10:33,080 which gives us plenty of time. 1250 01:10:33,080 --> 01:10:36,520 Our appointment for massage is at 11 or pedicures are at noon. 1251 01:10:36,520 --> 01:10:41,120 Please feed me at one. Then we'll come home and it'll be fine. Yeah. Um, 1252 01:10:41,610 --> 01:10:42,640 so yeah, we're. 1253 01:10:42,800 --> 01:10:46,280 Since I'm taking down, I'm kind of looking forward to it. Um, 1254 01:10:48,210 --> 01:10:53,020 everything from the past year has finally been catching up to me. 1255 01:10:53,030 --> 01:10:53,380 Oh. 1256 01:10:53,380 --> 01:10:54,213 God. Yeah. 1257 01:10:54,680 --> 01:10:58,780 And not in a good way. Mm-hmm so yeah, I'm, 1258 01:10:58,780 --> 01:11:00,420 I'm kind of looking forward to this. 1259 01:11:00,420 --> 01:11:04,380 Mm-hmm I am looking forward to it and yet my anxiety is like 1260 01:11:04,950 --> 01:11:06,140 ramping up a little bit. 1261 01:11:06,140 --> 01:11:09,580 Cause it's been so many years since I got a massage mm-hmm and I'm 1262 01:11:09,580 --> 01:11:12,420 like, well I know what to do. Will I know what to say? 1263 01:11:12,420 --> 01:11:14,800 What if like what will this be? Like, 1264 01:11:14,800 --> 01:11:17,360 what do you mean I'm gonna let a stranger touch me? Like , 1265 01:11:18,150 --> 01:11:22,320 I'll be fine cuz you'll be there, but it's still a thing. Yeah. Yeah. Um, 1266 01:11:22,330 --> 01:11:25,280 so yeah, that's coming. Um, but yeah, 1267 01:11:25,280 --> 01:11:27,840 we're looking forward to that and then we're busted ass on Friday. 1268 01:11:28,520 --> 01:11:32,240 to make up for, for not working on Thursday. Yep. Um, 1269 01:11:32,240 --> 01:11:35,480 I'm getting my hair done next week while we're off. True. So when we come back, 1270 01:11:35,480 --> 01:11:36,240 it will be the, 1271 01:11:36,240 --> 01:11:40,000 hopefully a better length than the correct shade of purple . Um, 1272 01:11:40,000 --> 01:11:41,600 I'm gonna do purple this one next time. 1273 01:11:41,600 --> 01:11:44,680 And then I think I'm gonna change up the color. 1274 01:11:44,750 --> 01:11:49,520 I cannot decide if I want to go to blue or if I wanna go to like 1275 01:11:49,520 --> 01:11:54,120 a magenta E hot pink kind of color, I haven't decided, 1276 01:11:55,050 --> 01:11:55,883 um, 1277 01:11:56,690 --> 01:12:01,360 we did also decide assuming we enjoy ourselves at this 1278 01:12:01,360 --> 01:12:05,960 massage and we like the vibe of the place and the people we will schedule to the 1279 01:12:05,960 --> 01:12:08,200 best of our abilities based on their availability, 1280 01:12:08,610 --> 01:12:13,480 another massage after the holiday season, when we take that two week break, 1281 01:12:13,480 --> 01:12:16,040 because mm-hmm, , it's a great problem to have, 1282 01:12:16,040 --> 01:12:18,200 we are going to be balls to the wall, 1283 01:12:18,200 --> 01:12:22,360 busy for the holiday season because somebody makes really good fucking 1284 01:12:22,880 --> 01:12:27,320 kinky toys and people seem to like them and I am a goofball on the 1285 01:12:27,320 --> 01:12:31,240 fucking internet and people seem to like that and we find the people who think 1286 01:12:31,240 --> 01:12:34,960 the toys are good and that we're hilarious and they yeah go, sure. 1287 01:12:34,960 --> 01:12:37,960 I'll buy a thing and they're buying things and we're about to be very fucking 1288 01:12:37,960 --> 01:12:39,760 busy. It's I'm so excited. 1289 01:12:39,760 --> 01:12:44,560 Like I have to put a supply order in today for boxes that might get us through 1290 01:12:44,560 --> 01:12:47,840 the holiday season. Yeah. And my geeky ass self is like, yes, 1291 01:12:47,990 --> 01:12:51,080 I get to order boxes. I'm so excited. 1292 01:12:51,530 --> 01:12:53,800 We ordered a tape dispenser. 1293 01:12:54,480 --> 01:12:59,360 like an actual investment and a tape dispenser. And I'm like, I, I, 1294 01:12:59,470 --> 01:13:03,240 I love this thing and I would marry it if you could marry Anani animat object 1295 01:13:03,240 --> 01:13:05,120 and I was not remarried. Uh, 1296 01:13:05,120 --> 01:13:09,560 I'm happy to be in an monogamous relationship with you and my tape dispenser, 1297 01:13:13,730 --> 01:13:14,350 so. 1298 01:13:14,350 --> 01:13:15,520 Okay. Okay. 1299 01:13:15,990 --> 01:13:19,600 Anyway. so yeah, we got stuff going on. . 1300 01:13:19,630 --> 01:13:22,760 Yeah. So you have a hair appointment next week. I have a doctor's appointment. 1301 01:13:22,760 --> 01:13:24,880 Next week. Well, I have lab work, but yeah, 1302 01:13:24,880 --> 01:13:26,360 I sort of have a doctor's appointment. 1303 01:13:26,360 --> 01:13:30,840 Next week. Thanks. Thanks to this person here. Um, finally switch doctors. 1304 01:13:31,270 --> 01:13:31,760 Well, 1305 01:13:31,760 --> 01:13:36,080 you had done the thing that I do and I recognize it when other people do it. 1306 01:13:36,080 --> 01:13:36,800 Cuz I do it. 1307 01:13:36,800 --> 01:13:40,520 You had built it up in your head that it was gonna be harder and more and made 1308 01:13:40,520 --> 01:13:45,400 you more anxious. Cuz the doctor he had was just didn't listen, 1309 01:13:45,630 --> 01:13:47,600 didn't actually explain anything to him. 1310 01:13:47,600 --> 01:13:50,680 Like just the vibe was off and I went to one of your appointments and went, 1311 01:13:50,680 --> 01:13:52,600 oh God, I can't wait to leave. It's not even my. 1312 01:13:52,600 --> 01:13:53,360 Doctor. I, I, 1313 01:13:53,360 --> 01:13:58,080 I specifically wanted her to come with me because I want, you know, 1314 01:13:58,080 --> 01:14:01,320 am I overreacting with this? Am I knowing. 1315 01:14:01,460 --> 01:14:03,160 You the way I do? No, you're not. 1316 01:14:03,610 --> 01:14:08,040 So we needed to transfer care and we go to a doctor's office that has multiple 1317 01:14:08,040 --> 01:14:11,200 doctors. It's really, really easy to do it, but you just have to do it. It, 1318 01:14:11,700 --> 01:14:16,160 and you had gotten kind of in your head about calling to say, 1319 01:14:16,230 --> 01:14:18,720 I wanna make an appointment, but I wanna transfer care. Yeah. 1320 01:14:18,720 --> 01:14:23,640 And then I used their online portal messaging system cuz I knew I 1321 01:14:23,640 --> 01:14:25,720 needed to set an appointment as long I was having all the headaches, 1322 01:14:26,260 --> 01:14:31,160 but I did not have the battery power to 1323 01:14:31,160 --> 01:14:33,120 make a phone call. It was like, I just can't. 1324 01:14:33,870 --> 01:14:36,920 I just don't have it in me to make this phone call and talk about this. 1325 01:14:37,050 --> 01:14:40,520 So I went on the online portal and saw that you could message to request an 1326 01:14:40,520 --> 01:14:40,940 appointment. 1327 01:14:40,940 --> 01:14:44,280 And I did it and it was seamless like within a day I had it scheduled. 1328 01:14:44,280 --> 01:14:47,760 It was fine. So I was like, wait one, uh, JB, 1329 01:14:47,760 --> 01:14:49,480 I have your login for your online. 1330 01:14:49,480 --> 01:14:51,680 Portal. Mm-hmm too. 1331 01:14:51,920 --> 01:14:56,040 Let's see if we can do this. And so it took a little bit more back and forth, 1332 01:14:56,040 --> 01:15:00,480 which was so funny because I'm in his online appointment portal, 1333 01:15:00,480 --> 01:15:04,800 patient portal thing for this office. But he's getting the email notification. 1334 01:15:04,800 --> 01:15:08,840 So I was like, I'll handle it, but you gotta let me know if and he would go, 1335 01:15:08,840 --> 01:15:13,240 I got an email from him. Nothing. Wouldn't go click. I'd go. Okay. 1336 01:15:13,240 --> 01:15:16,720 And I'd go in and they'd have a follow up question. And so, uh, 1337 01:15:16,720 --> 01:15:20,120 we tried to transfer you to one doctor she's no longer at the office. Right. 1338 01:15:20,330 --> 01:15:22,160 So then got you into the, 1339 01:15:22,160 --> 01:15:25,760 and it even says on the appointment transfer of care appointment, you know, 1340 01:15:25,760 --> 01:15:28,560 here's like basic whatever. And didn't have to speak to a, 1341 01:15:28,560 --> 01:15:33,520 so took essentially the equivalent a five minutes because of the time it took 1342 01:15:33,520 --> 01:15:37,040 to actually send the message done and the moment it was done and I could say it 1343 01:15:37,040 --> 01:15:37,430 was done. 1344 01:15:37,430 --> 01:15:41,120 Like I could see your shoulders go from around your ears to like back to where 1345 01:15:41,120 --> 01:15:43,600 they're supposed to be. Yeah. It was like, but I get it. 1346 01:15:43,600 --> 01:15:47,440 Like it's so easy to build up what you think it's gonna be like in your head 1347 01:15:47,440 --> 01:15:49,640 that you then don't wanna do it at all. 1348 01:15:49,640 --> 01:15:53,040 Cuz you want to avoid mm-hmm whatever you think it's gonna be 1349 01:15:53,040 --> 01:15:54,840 like. And I was like, there's gotta be an easier. 1350 01:15:54,840 --> 01:15:58,880 Way. I mean I've, I've had experiences with doctors where, you know, 1351 01:15:58,970 --> 01:16:03,000 so you kind of have to advocate for yourself. Yeah. Oh yeah, for sure. Okay. 1352 01:16:03,420 --> 01:16:06,520 But this guy was just like. 1353 01:16:07,670 --> 01:16:12,520 I right or wrong from this person's multi-decade 1354 01:16:12,520 --> 01:16:16,920 experie working with patients when we called to make the initial appointment for 1355 01:16:16,920 --> 01:16:19,560 E for ourselves at this doctor's office. And I said, 1356 01:16:19,560 --> 01:16:21,080 I need to make an appointment for my husband, blah, 1357 01:16:21,080 --> 01:16:24,480 blah mm-hmm they did what I think that they do a lot of times he 1358 01:16:24,480 --> 01:16:28,120 went, oh, we'll put him with this doctor. This doctor sees a lot of men. 1359 01:16:28,120 --> 01:16:30,120 Like it was, oh man, man here. 1360 01:16:31,820 --> 01:16:33,560 And so I, 1361 01:16:33,570 --> 01:16:37,600 if that is how at this practice they have done that to him. 1362 01:16:37,600 --> 01:16:42,240 Mm-hmm then I think that he based on his experience with 1363 01:16:42,240 --> 01:16:45,400 lots of men, expects men to behave a certain way, 1364 01:16:45,400 --> 01:16:48,280 which that's not fair to everybody else. Cause we're all individuals. Right. 1365 01:16:48,280 --> 01:16:52,000 And like stop treating everybody like a stereotype or a cliche, first of all. 1366 01:16:52,420 --> 01:16:53,520 But second of all, 1367 01:16:54,250 --> 01:16:58,160 he strikes me as one of those doctors who has the been there, done that. 1368 01:16:58,160 --> 01:17:01,040 I've done this so long. I already know what the answer is. 1369 01:17:01,040 --> 01:17:02,920 I don't even have to ask a lot of questions. 1370 01:17:03,010 --> 01:17:04,880 So I already know how you're gonna react. 1371 01:17:04,880 --> 01:17:06,320 And I'm gonna talk to you a certain way. 1372 01:17:06,320 --> 01:17:09,040 This is how I get through to my male patients. Yeah. 1373 01:17:09,420 --> 01:17:11,520 And maybe that works with some of 'em. 1374 01:17:11,710 --> 01:17:15,440 I would bet it does not work with as many as he thinks it is. Right. But it, 1375 01:17:15,450 --> 01:17:16,920 it not only didn't work with you, 1376 01:17:16,920 --> 01:17:21,310 it made you not wanna go get yourself, checked out. 1377 01:17:21,610 --> 01:17:26,270 You prior to this doctor, you're the reason I was getting, 1378 01:17:26,480 --> 01:17:30,070 um, annual like lab work and, and well checks. 1379 01:17:30,070 --> 01:17:33,310 Not for like gynecology, like I've done that, but like everything else, 1380 01:17:33,310 --> 01:17:37,710 I'd never gotten my cholesterol tested until I met JB. And he was like, 1381 01:17:37,710 --> 01:17:42,510 but I go every year to the same doctor and this guy put you off so 1382 01:17:42,510 --> 01:17:47,310 badly that you're like two years overdue. I think I know. Yeah. I mean, 1383 01:17:47,310 --> 01:17:49,390 he even was like, you might need to take, you know, 1384 01:17:49,390 --> 01:17:51,230 you seem to have slightly high cholesterol. 1385 01:17:51,230 --> 01:17:53,830 You maybe you need to go on high cholesterol medicine. 1386 01:17:54,020 --> 01:17:57,110 That's not how the guy said it. No, but I think that was his intent. 1387 01:17:57,110 --> 01:17:59,790 But he said it in such a way you were like, I no, no. 1388 01:18:00,040 --> 01:18:03,350 He basically told me I'd be dead before I walk outta the office. Right. 1389 01:18:03,830 --> 01:18:07,430 like, so you had all of that. 1390 01:18:07,430 --> 01:18:11,510 And it has meant that at a time when taking care of our health to the best of 1391 01:18:11,510 --> 01:18:14,030 our ability and accessibility is extremely important. 1392 01:18:14,030 --> 01:18:17,630 You've not wanted to do that for the first time in your adult fucking life. 1393 01:18:17,630 --> 01:18:20,550 Mm-hmm mm-hmm that's bad healthcare yes. 1394 01:18:21,050 --> 01:18:22,350 Yes. Yeah. 1395 01:18:22,760 --> 01:18:26,350 So you're going to see my doctor who, um, 1396 01:18:26,860 --> 01:18:31,830 I like her a lot because she listens, right. 1397 01:18:31,830 --> 01:18:35,630 She, we, I was in there for all my headaches, 1398 01:18:35,630 --> 01:18:40,070 which are partly related to needing the new glasses cuz I needed progressives, 1399 01:18:40,230 --> 01:18:42,510 whatever, whatever, but also, huh, high blood pressure. 1400 01:18:42,510 --> 01:18:44,430 And I'm finally had high blood pressure medicine, 1401 01:18:44,430 --> 01:18:46,950 even though I have fought that shit but, 1402 01:18:46,950 --> 01:18:49,270 and it seems to be working in the headaches are going away and, 1403 01:18:49,270 --> 01:18:51,430 or I'm not having those frequently. Let's put it that way. 1404 01:18:51,430 --> 01:18:55,550 But while in there I talked about a whole host of other symptoms and 1405 01:18:55,550 --> 01:18:57,550 perimenopause and I'm my OB, 1406 01:18:57,880 --> 01:19:01,830 my gynecologist is no longer at the office I had been seeing her at. 1407 01:19:01,830 --> 01:19:04,590 So I either have to find a new one or try to follow her around the state. 1408 01:19:05,230 --> 01:19:08,150 I don't know where she's going into practice. Uh, next. 1409 01:19:08,280 --> 01:19:13,230 So I was talking to my primary care about this and about my 1410 01:19:13,230 --> 01:19:15,950 symptoms. And she's like, I really want you to see your gynecologist about this. 1411 01:19:15,950 --> 01:19:20,310 I don't feel comfortable doing all this. Um, and then we were, 1412 01:19:20,310 --> 01:19:25,150 we were going into that and we're talking about all of these things and never 1413 01:19:25,150 --> 01:19:28,710 once did she say, you know, if you lost a few pounds, 1414 01:19:29,430 --> 01:19:32,990 these symptoms might go away. They wouldn't it's per menopause. Okay. 1415 01:19:33,190 --> 01:19:38,150 but like she talked to me about the thing I was in there to talk to her 1416 01:19:38,150 --> 01:19:42,150 about and she sat and she listened and she made eye contact. 1417 01:19:42,600 --> 01:19:47,270 As I spoke, I was like, I like you. I like you. Yeah. 1418 01:19:47,270 --> 01:19:50,510 She explained what the high blood pressure medicine would do for me other than 1419 01:19:50,510 --> 01:19:54,190 just reduce my blood pressure. Because in practically speaking, 1420 01:19:54,190 --> 01:19:54,750 I don't give a shit. 1421 01:19:54,750 --> 01:19:57,230 I don't know my blood pressure for moment to moment mm-hmm but I know my 1422 01:19:57,230 --> 01:20:00,790 symptoms. I know I have excruciating eggs. I know I have this. I have that. 1423 01:20:01,620 --> 01:20:05,630 I just that's. We all deserve doctors like that, 1424 01:20:05,650 --> 01:20:07,560 but we don't all get them. Right. 1425 01:20:07,560 --> 01:20:08,393 So right. 1426 01:20:09,140 --> 01:20:11,840 You, you are getting one. 1427 01:20:11,840 --> 01:20:15,400 Yeah. Yep. Set. So that's what we're doing. 1428 01:20:15,400 --> 01:20:15,840 Over the. 1429 01:20:15,840 --> 01:20:19,280 Course of the next couple weeks. I'll I'll be off to the doctor next week. Um, 1430 01:20:21,810 --> 01:20:25,560 we went to Barnes and noble 1431 01:20:26,350 --> 01:20:27,360 past weekend. 1432 01:20:27,490 --> 01:20:30,760 We know how a spending problem at Barnes and noble it's the second time we've 1433 01:20:30,760 --> 01:20:33,720 gone and, and not a long span of time. 1434 01:20:33,720 --> 01:20:35,640 And we've spent over a hundred dollars each time. 1435 01:20:35,640 --> 01:20:40,360 That's we went from never buying books that weren't 99 cents and only getting 1436 01:20:40,360 --> 01:20:41,360 them from the library. Right. 1437 01:20:41,360 --> 01:20:46,000 Or buying them for 99 cents to going to Barnes and noble 1438 01:20:46,960 --> 01:20:48,080 . I don't lot. 1439 01:20:48,080 --> 01:20:51,040 Of books, we, we have, we have discovered a, 1440 01:20:51,070 --> 01:20:55,920 a good number of books that, you know, we wanna own, 1441 01:20:55,930 --> 01:20:58,840 we, we wanna own and have, um, 1442 01:20:59,500 --> 01:21:03,600 one of the books that I got was the new Stephen King fairytale. 1443 01:21:04,340 --> 01:21:09,120 Yes. And you tend to eBooks, you fly through oh yeah. 1444 01:21:09,680 --> 01:21:11,880 Physical books tend to take you longer a. 1445 01:21:11,880 --> 01:21:12,550 Little bit. Yeah. 1446 01:21:12,550 --> 01:21:15,080 This well, cuz you follow asleep while you're reading this true. 1447 01:21:15,270 --> 01:21:18,760 This one I'm like by the weekend I might get to actually read it. 1448 01:21:18,760 --> 01:21:22,480 Yeah. This, this book has, I mean, I'm a fan of Stephen King. 1449 01:21:22,750 --> 01:21:27,480 I've read most of his writing and, and I, 1450 01:21:27,480 --> 01:21:27,830 I, 1451 01:21:27,830 --> 01:21:32,520 I love his writing and this book 1452 01:21:32,520 --> 01:21:35,600 has totally engrossed me. Oh. 1453 01:21:35,600 --> 01:21:38,360 My God. You're like, we're not watching star Trek tonight. I'm. 1454 01:21:38,360 --> 01:21:41,200 Sitting here reading. I, I mean, prior, prior to getting these books, I, 1455 01:21:41,200 --> 01:21:45,400 I had been, uh, binging, uh, star Trek, 1456 01:21:45,400 --> 01:21:47,120 strange new worlds. 1457 01:21:47,120 --> 01:21:50,800 Mm-hmm and while it is formulaic in the, 1458 01:21:50,800 --> 01:21:53,720 in the star Trek genre, I've been enjoying. 1459 01:21:53,720 --> 01:21:55,640 It. He only said that because I said, 1460 01:21:56,110 --> 01:21:58,920 I only wanna watch a little bit at a time because it's formulaic. 1461 01:21:58,920 --> 01:22:03,120 And so I get bored with the formula and his face went. I mean, it is, but, 1462 01:22:03,340 --> 01:22:04,920 but that's what I like about. 1463 01:22:04,920 --> 01:22:07,960 Right, right. I mean the one, 1464 01:22:08,020 --> 01:22:12,080 the one difference I've noticed in it. Mm. The red shirts don't die. 1465 01:22:12,390 --> 01:22:15,240 It's true. Yeah. Not a lot of people. Well, people die, 1466 01:22:15,240 --> 01:22:16,400 but it's usually the other people. 1467 01:22:16,430 --> 01:22:17,840 Yeah. It's not the red. 1468 01:22:17,840 --> 01:22:20,160 Shirts or now wait. There was, 1469 01:22:20,600 --> 01:22:24,760 there was the guy who had been helping to fly 1470 01:22:26,340 --> 01:22:31,080 the enterprise and he got left behind when they had to 1471 01:22:31,080 --> 01:22:35,320 cut off access to part of the ship when they powered it down. 1472 01:22:35,460 --> 01:22:38,760 And I can't remember who the fight was with the Gorn. Yeah. 1473 01:22:38,760 --> 01:22:42,360 Was he wearing a red shirt? Cause he was the only one to. 1474 01:22:42,360 --> 01:22:45,200 Die. I don't know. I don't remember. Now he was wearing a red shirt. Don't know. 1475 01:22:45,200 --> 01:22:45,800 Don't remember now. 1476 01:22:45,800 --> 01:22:46,960 I think a red shirt died. 1477 01:22:46,960 --> 01:22:51,040 Yeah. But, um, I, I have been really, 1478 01:22:51,040 --> 01:22:55,320 really enjoying fairytale. Um, you know, I, 1479 01:22:55,460 --> 01:22:58,680 one of the things I really love about Stephen King and, 1480 01:22:58,680 --> 01:23:03,080 and one of the things he has done extremely well in this book 1481 01:23:03,730 --> 01:23:07,160 is he, he is an excellent world builder. 1482 01:23:09,610 --> 01:23:11,950 And as, as a reader, 1483 01:23:14,480 --> 01:23:19,270 um, I, I become invested in the characters. Mm-hmm, 1484 01:23:19,310 --> 01:23:22,510 in the book and, and that's something that I really, 1485 01:23:23,650 --> 01:23:27,750 you know, look for in a book. And, and I, 1486 01:23:27,750 --> 01:23:28,990 I have founded in this. 1487 01:23:29,300 --> 01:23:32,110 Well, that makes me feel good because when we, we went to the, 1488 01:23:32,610 --> 01:23:34,670 the store and bought so many books, 1489 01:23:34,670 --> 01:23:37,670 mm-hmm I finally joined the Barnes and noble club membership club. 1490 01:23:37,910 --> 01:23:38,700 and. 1491 01:23:38,700 --> 01:23:40,990 It's paid for itself already. So it's worth it, 1492 01:23:40,990 --> 01:23:42,350 except we were never going before. 1493 01:23:42,350 --> 01:23:45,830 So hasn't really paid for itself or are we spending more money than usual? 1494 01:23:46,500 --> 01:23:50,070 Anyway, I've justified it, it paid for itself. Anyway. Um, 1495 01:23:50,280 --> 01:23:53,430 we actually also bought, um, is it 11? 1496 01:23:54,040 --> 01:23:57,350 Is it 11 20, 2, 63 or 11 23, 62. 1497 01:23:57,820 --> 01:24:00,310 I can't remember the full name of the Stephen King book, 1498 01:24:00,310 --> 01:24:02,310 but we read it years ago. We got it in the library. 1499 01:24:02,410 --> 01:24:06,070 And even though I don't remember all the details of that book anymore. 1500 01:24:06,070 --> 01:24:07,510 Well, I, I have it in ebook. 1501 01:24:07,520 --> 01:24:09,430 Oh, I, no, I read it. I got it from the library, 1502 01:24:09,430 --> 01:24:12,070 physically read it and I wanted a physical copy of the book. Yeah. 1503 01:24:12,070 --> 01:24:14,430 And we now have it and I, I will. 1504 01:24:14,430 --> 01:24:17,470 Reread, I mean, that, that's another book I would reread in heart read. I'm. 1505 01:24:17,470 --> 01:24:18,430 Not a reread either, 1506 01:24:18,430 --> 01:24:22,230 but about half the books we've purchased lately have been books. 1507 01:24:22,230 --> 01:24:25,150 We read from the library or an ebook format. And I went, 1508 01:24:25,270 --> 01:24:28,150 but we have bookshelves now I would like to own these books. Right. 1509 01:24:28,150 --> 01:24:32,710 And so I'm becoming a reread. Um, like we bought the Deborah hark, 1510 01:24:33,000 --> 01:24:37,870 uh, uh, series whose name now escapes me, but it's about witches. 1511 01:24:37,870 --> 01:24:39,390 And I love, like, I know there are people who. 1512 01:24:39,390 --> 01:24:39,950 Discovery of. 1513 01:24:39,950 --> 01:24:42,550 Witches. Yeah. I know there are people who really hate those books. I'm like, 1514 01:24:42,550 --> 01:24:44,270 maybe it's trash, but I love it. Give, 1515 01:24:44,270 --> 01:24:47,150 give me more trash mm-hmm mm-hmm um, but I, 1516 01:24:47,170 --> 01:24:48,550 and I have not watched the show. 1517 01:24:48,550 --> 01:24:52,750 They did an adaptation and I've not seen it don't even care to. Um, 1518 01:24:53,530 --> 01:24:55,710 but yeah, we pulled that book off the shelf, 1519 01:24:55,710 --> 01:24:59,630 like there's that whole Stephen King section in Barnes and noble. And, um, 1520 01:24:59,860 --> 01:25:02,710 I don't care about the horror stuff. It doesn't like, I've tried to read it. 1521 01:25:02,710 --> 01:25:03,070 I don't. 1522 01:25:03,070 --> 01:25:04,790 Really care, whatever, whatever I've read most of it. 1523 01:25:04,790 --> 01:25:05,190 Yeah. 1524 01:25:05,190 --> 01:25:09,430 But we pull this book off and there is a woman on a couple of shelves down and 1525 01:25:09,430 --> 01:25:11,550 it's big honking book. Yeah. 1526 01:25:11,550 --> 01:25:12,380 She goes. 1527 01:25:12,380 --> 01:25:16,750 That's a big book. I'm like, holy shit. It is. I'm like, but it's so good. 1528 01:25:16,750 --> 01:25:18,270 It's worth it. And I was like, 1529 01:25:18,270 --> 01:25:22,070 and did I just become a person in a bookstore who talks to strangers and gushes 1530 01:25:22,070 --> 01:25:25,670 about books and encourages people to read them. 1531 01:25:26,460 --> 01:25:30,750 Also though, I'm being reminded. The bookstore is like my happy place, 1532 01:25:30,750 --> 01:25:32,310 because we walked in that time. 1533 01:25:32,650 --> 01:25:36,830 And the first person who happened to just look up and be like a human being in 1534 01:25:36,830 --> 01:25:39,390 the bookstore with me immediately went, oh my God, I love your hair. 1535 01:25:39,540 --> 01:25:41,510 That purple is so cute. And I was like, thank you. 1536 01:25:41,970 --> 01:25:45,430 And then the next person we happened, they weren't, 1537 01:25:45,430 --> 01:25:48,830 they didn't come up to us to talk to us. They were just in the vicinity. 1538 01:25:48,830 --> 01:25:52,870 I'm showing, uh, you that book a call, uh, by Jeanette. Mckerty, 1539 01:25:52,870 --> 01:25:55,670 I'm glad my mother died. Yes. And I'm gonna get that from the library, 1540 01:25:55,770 --> 01:25:58,550 but I would like to read it and I'm like, I've heard, this is really good. 1541 01:25:58,550 --> 01:26:00,350 And I'm talking about all the reviewers that have said. 1542 01:26:00,350 --> 01:26:01,630 It was really good. And somebody, some. 1543 01:26:01,630 --> 01:26:05,160 Rando ladies, like it's so good. Yeah. yeah. 1544 01:26:05,620 --> 01:26:10,510 And then I'm telling that woman about this Stephen King and I'm like, who, 1545 01:26:11,050 --> 01:26:13,990 who am I? And who am I becoming? I don't know. 1546 01:26:14,340 --> 01:26:16,270 I know introverts United the bookstore. 1547 01:26:16,270 --> 01:26:19,830 I only at the bookstore the last time I went to the bookstore and spent a lot of 1548 01:26:19,830 --> 01:26:21,190 money there too. um, 1549 01:26:21,780 --> 01:26:25,830 I got into a conversation in the line with a lady who, 1550 01:26:25,830 --> 01:26:30,110 before we got into a conversation, her resting bitch face game is strong. 1551 01:26:30,110 --> 01:26:33,230 Cause I was standing there going, oh my God, this woman's a bitch from hell. 1552 01:26:33,230 --> 01:26:36,190 Which makes me wonder what she was thinking a while, 1553 01:26:36,190 --> 01:26:39,190 looking upon my resting bitch face. And next thing I know, 1554 01:26:39,190 --> 01:26:43,310 cuz we're each holding these like major stacks of books and she's talking about 1555 01:26:43,310 --> 01:26:46,790 an author she loves. And I'm like, oh, well I like, um, 1556 01:26:46,890 --> 01:26:50,870 who was I telling her about Diana Gaden in the Outlander series. And I'm like, 1557 01:26:50,870 --> 01:26:54,350 I I've owned it. And then I gave it away. And then my mom bought me the, 1558 01:26:54,350 --> 01:26:56,230 and I'm telling her how bought again. And I own 'em again, 1559 01:26:56,230 --> 01:26:58,430 I'm gonna reread 'em and she goes, oh, I've had to do that before. 1560 01:26:58,430 --> 01:27:03,390 And we're like just basking in each other's bullishness 1561 01:27:03,950 --> 01:27:05,230 well, I, 1562 01:27:05,230 --> 01:27:09,910 at that time I was profusely sweating because it was very heavy books that I was 1563 01:27:09,910 --> 01:27:12,230 carrying around. um, and I just, 1564 01:27:12,230 --> 01:27:16,310 both times I walk out of the barns and noble going, who am I? 1565 01:27:16,850 --> 01:27:21,750 Who am I becoming? What is happening here? So 1566 01:27:23,300 --> 01:27:27,950 yeah. Okay. Um, oh, I see a question from selling. Thank you. 1567 01:27:27,950 --> 01:27:30,990 11 22 63 is name of the book. It's an excellent read. 1568 01:27:30,990 --> 01:27:34,270 It will be a reread for me. And so that says for all the books, you guys push, 1569 01:27:34,270 --> 01:27:36,950 have you set up an Amazon affiliates page on your site yet? Uh, 1570 01:27:36,950 --> 01:27:41,630 Amazon affiliates kicked us out of their program a few years ago. Yeah. Um, 1571 01:27:41,680 --> 01:27:46,070 we are affiliates with bookshop.org and I put books that we 1572 01:27:46,070 --> 01:27:50,030 recommend, but I never, I don't promote those links. 1573 01:27:50,220 --> 01:27:53,350 Mm-hmm and I have not updated the books we recommend in a very 1574 01:27:53,350 --> 01:27:55,590 long time. Yeah. But yeah, uh, 1575 01:27:55,590 --> 01:27:59,510 we tried to be an Amazon affiliate and they kicked us out of the program because 1576 01:27:59,510 --> 01:28:04,470 they didn't like us. We were too explicit even though loving PSM. 1577 01:28:04,470 --> 01:28:08,830 Clearly we talk about kink and we get into the details and the weeds is not, 1578 01:28:09,360 --> 01:28:13,750 we were pornographic and I'm like, what? We don't, we don't do that here. Yeah. 1579 01:28:13,750 --> 01:28:17,310 No. So, but bookshop.org. Yeah. Mm-hmm that's if, 1580 01:28:17,310 --> 01:28:20,710 especially if you're trying to get away from like buying from Amazon and you'd 1581 01:28:20,710 --> 01:28:21,630 prefer not to and whatever, 1582 01:28:21,830 --> 01:28:24,510 whatever bookshop.org I've purchased from them before, too. 1583 01:28:24,510 --> 01:28:27,630 Mm-hmm so, okay. Well we're gonna stop. 1584 01:28:27,660 --> 01:28:31,630 I know for folks who are not readers, you're like, oh God, I'm so bored. Sorry. 1585 01:28:32,440 --> 01:28:37,230 Uh if you're curious, what do we read? I love historical fiction. 1586 01:28:37,230 --> 01:28:41,390 Mm-hmm um, fantasy, some young adult, but not a lot. 1587 01:28:41,450 --> 01:28:46,030 I'm currently finishing up a sci-fi fantasy series by Valerie Valdez. 1588 01:28:46,030 --> 01:28:48,110 Mm-hmm , which is so much fun. 1589 01:28:48,160 --> 01:28:50,470 Uh it's like reading an action movie, 1590 01:28:50,470 --> 01:28:54,190 like it's so fast paced and there's like shit happening and I fucking love it. 1591 01:28:54,800 --> 01:28:58,310 Um, and then like the odd, like, 1592 01:28:58,460 --> 01:29:02,520 I don't really do contemporary much. It's rare. Um, 1593 01:29:02,520 --> 01:29:06,560 I like some Stephen King, like there's some authors that I like. Um, 1594 01:29:06,560 --> 01:29:10,480 I like paranormal stuff to a certain extent. Mm-hmm what's. 1595 01:29:10,480 --> 01:29:14,560 Your I'm I'm I'm a big sci-fi mm-hmm reader. Uh, 1596 01:29:14,560 --> 01:29:18,320 love most sci-fi books, uh, fantasy mm-hmm uh, 1597 01:29:18,320 --> 01:29:21,840 some young adult mm-hmm and um, 1598 01:29:21,840 --> 01:29:26,600 not a whole lot of horror genre, but definitely, uh, 1599 01:29:26,690 --> 01:29:30,240 uh, Stephen King and Dean KO's fan mm-hmm. 1600 01:29:30,280 --> 01:29:33,460 yep. Oh, and I'm a romance reader, 1601 01:29:33,460 --> 01:29:35,980 but I don't really like contemporary romance historical. 1602 01:29:37,010 --> 01:29:39,540 I like to feel like I'm learning something while I'm being entertained. 1603 01:29:39,570 --> 01:29:42,500 I now you're not really learning anything it's fiction, 1604 01:29:42,560 --> 01:29:46,540 but it makes me feel like I'm learning something also I've realized I enjoy 1605 01:29:46,540 --> 01:29:50,260 reading historical fiction because it's not anxiety producing those people are 1606 01:29:50,260 --> 01:29:52,380 already dead. I know what the ultimate outcome. 1607 01:29:52,380 --> 01:29:53,160 Is. Right. 1608 01:29:53,160 --> 01:29:56,460 How we get there is the interesting bit. Yeah. Um, yeah. 1609 01:29:56,460 --> 01:29:58,660 I had to learn that the hard way, but why I like historical, 1610 01:29:58,840 --> 01:30:02,140 why I'm drawn to historical fiction mm-hmm but I'm really tired of 1611 01:30:02,140 --> 01:30:04,820 reading world war II, historical fiction. I won't even touch 'em right now. 1612 01:30:04,820 --> 01:30:06,860 I'm like burned out anyway. 1613 01:30:06,860 --> 01:30:09,980 We've gone completely off track and as asylum rightly points out, 1614 01:30:09,980 --> 01:30:12,060 we get into books during the Friday night Hangouts. Yeah. 1615 01:30:12,060 --> 01:30:15,300 And maybe we'll do a bit of a show and tell of some of the books we've purchased 1616 01:30:15,460 --> 01:30:19,460 recently. Mm-hmm if anybody is interested, um, we should go. Yeah. 1617 01:30:19,490 --> 01:30:19,980 Okay. 1618 01:30:19,980 --> 01:30:22,300 Okay. Thanks for being here to the better end. Thanks for joining us. 1619 01:30:22,300 --> 01:30:26,020 Hopefully we'll see here. Talk to you. How does that work? Uh, 1620 01:30:26,020 --> 01:30:28,100 for the Friday night hangout mm-hmm um, 1621 01:30:28,270 --> 01:30:31,300 if you miss the September 20, 22 Friday night hangout, 1622 01:30:31,300 --> 01:30:34,940 we do these on or try to on the third, Friday of every month, 1623 01:30:34,940 --> 01:30:36,940 every once in a while we have to shift a schedule. 1624 01:30:36,940 --> 01:30:41,380 But for the most part we're pretty consistent. We should go now. Yeah. Okay. 1625 01:30:41,840 --> 01:30:42,660 Bye. Bye.