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You're listening to the Loving BDSM podcast, episode

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episode four eighty one. Kayla Lords here with

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the one, the only,

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the,

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you do look like you should be, head

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of a boy band with that mic. John

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Brownstone.

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I haven't gotten used to it yet. Yeah.

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You know?

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Okay.

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This week, we're gonna start a new series

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based on,

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the session we did for this year's Dom

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Sub Dynamics virtual summit that is on conflict

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in power exchange. And we're starting

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with what, conflict can look like and feel

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like and what can cause it in your

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power exchange. Yikes. I know. I know. It's

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a fun one. It's a fun one. Mhmm.

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And it'll be fun reliving our old conflicts.

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I can't wait. Oh,

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boy.

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We

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Welcome to Loving BDSM podcast. If this is

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your first time listening, glad to have you.

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If you're back for another week, welcome back.

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Loving BDSM is produced every Friday, and show

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notes are found at lovingbdsm.net.

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Come back often, and feel free to add

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the podcast to your favorite podcast app. And

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if your podcast app allows you to leave

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a rating or review and you like what

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you hear, we would love

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a positive rating or review. Yes, please, and

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thank you. Mhmm. You can also follow the

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show on FetLife at loving BDSM PC

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on Instagram and technically threads at that handle

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I will forever fucking hate. It's loving d

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s and the number one, so at loving

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d s one. On blue sky at loving

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BDSM or on YouTube at youtube.com/lovingbdsm,

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where you can watch us live stream the

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podcast every Wednesday. All links are in the

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show notes.

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Okay. Before we get into this week's,

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topic, got some announcements.

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Next week,

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a week from the day of this recording,

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May 6, the first Wednesday in May. I

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don't know how other ways to, like Help

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it. Like, stick for anybody who's like me

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and is like, what date and how does

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time work?

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We are going to our summer

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livestream time for anybody who has not been

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around for very long.

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It's Florida hot, and we're already getting to

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Florida hot. And the room we record in

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is the hottest in the summer, the coldest

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in the winter.

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And so for the summer months, which is

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more than just like two months, it's Florida,

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y'all,

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and climate change is real. But,

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we stream later in the day because this

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room

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becomes unbearable.

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Mhmm.

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So

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that starts next week,

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May

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at 8PM eastern.

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For folks in, like, across the world time

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zones, I am so sorry. I am so

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sorry. We do this every summer now, and

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I am so sorry. I know for folks

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who are like, oh, I kind of, like,

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could do this after my dinner and you're

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here at a time or I could I

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know. I know. We will miss you. And

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when the weather changes,

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we'll be back to an earlier time. I

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I don't see us

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ever staying with a late time of day

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because we hit a point usually about three

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or four weeks before we go back to

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our old time where we're both like, oh

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my god. Can I have my Wednesday nights

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back?

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So it's just until it's not hot as

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blue blazes outside.

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So that's the first thing. 8PM

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eastern. Live stream starts

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May 6, May.

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And hopefully that means for folks who can't

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usually catch a live stream, we'll be at

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a good time where you can.

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The second announcement is that the very next

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week

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after

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we switch time, we won't have a livestream

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or a podcast episode at all that week

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because we're traveling.

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We will remind you of this. Don't worry.

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Again. And we're traveling for more than thirty

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six hours, so I'm very proud of us.

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That same week,

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which will

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be the week we'll be taking off is

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May 13. Look at me knowing dates. Yeah.

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I wrote them down and quadruple checked them.

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We won't have a livestream. We won't have

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a podcast episode that Friday, but we will

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have a livestream that Friday, May 15. So

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we will remind you of all of this,

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but it just means that we're gonna, like,

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switch our schedule up and then switch it

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up again temporarily and then come back to

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a new time. And everybody's gonna be confused.

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And if you are confused, don't worry. You're

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not alone. Hell, I'm confused. I will be

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confused. Will I remember what time we're streaming?

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No. I won't. Will I remember that we're

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not streaming on a certain week? Probably not.

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So don't feel bad. Okay. So those are

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the announcements.

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Now as for this new series, and we're

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starting the topic for today, all that good

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stuff.

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The series was inspired, I said this earlier,

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by the session we did for the twenty

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twenty six Dom sub dynamics virtual summit. That

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is a mouthful,

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on

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repairing your power exchange after conflict. Because conflict

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is inevitable, it a 100% happens.

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And much like I think definitely last year

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and I think the year before,

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the time constraint we're given for those sessions,

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I was like, there's so much more to

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say,

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more than even what I edited out of

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what we did say. So we're gonna start

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a series that's based around that topic. Now

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if you would like to see our session

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and every other session,

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from the twenty twenty six summit,

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Replays are available for purchase. I wanna say

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it's $99 and then you get everything

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that every session that was part of the

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summit if you're so,

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if you're interested in that. This will be

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the long windy conversation

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over a few weeks

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of what we managed to condense into thirty

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minutes for the summit. So,

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and that was from, like, the hour recording

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we did. So that was a lot a

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lot that got left on the editing room

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floor, so to speak. So for anybody interested

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in that, the link is in the places.

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The other thing that we created specifically for

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the session, but it lives on our website

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and will will be great, especially for this

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week's episode on the topic of conflict.

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We have a page on our website, lovingbdsm.net/conflict,

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link in the places, where

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we're gonna touch on a lot of topics

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that we've done entire episodes on, where where

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we just deep dived into the minutia of

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that specific topic,

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because they're all parts of where conflict comes

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from and what causes it and what you're

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gonna do about it when it happens and

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how to handle it and all that. So

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there's that page. It's now on our website.

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It's been on our website, and it links

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to different episodes where

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when we talk about being angry, we've got

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episodes about dealing with your anger as a

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dom or a sub. When we talk about

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decision fatigue, we got an episode on it.

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So you can use that page to go

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find all of those previous episodes for any

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of these subtopics that you want to hear

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more about or know more about.

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So

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there's all that. Now we can actually talk.

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So I broke this up into

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two sections for this first,

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episode in the series Okay. Which is what

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conflict can look and feel like.

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Mhmm. And then as many of I could

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think of, and I'm sure you'll add to

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whatever I've missed, and then y'all will have

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your own,

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sources of conflict,

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which many of them are sources of conflict

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in any relationship and some are specific to

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power exchange.

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But we're gonna we're breaking it down like

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this.

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We're this I feel like the series is

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important. I I felt like the session was

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necessary for the summit because

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one of the biggest lies people tell themselves

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when they get into power exchanges,

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if I just do everything my dom wants,

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this will be perfect. Or if my sub

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just does everything I ask them to do

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and I can control every single moment of

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this relationship,

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nothing bad will ever happen and we will

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never be miserable. We will never be mad.

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We will never be hurt.

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Lies. Those are lies.

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We are people. We are humans with our

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own wants, needs, feelings,

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traumas, stuff we gotta deal with, and conflict

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is

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inevitable.

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You have not done power exchange wrong if

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you are a submissive who is pissed off

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at your dom because why did they do

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that stupid thing they know they shouldn't do?

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I don't know why either

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to is human. Okay?

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You are not failing a power exchange. If

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you as a dom, look at your sub

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and go, I thought they were an intelligent

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human being. What has happened to them? Right?

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Like,

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you don't say those things to them. We're

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not talking about being harmful, but

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we all get to have those thoughts in

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our head about people we care about

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because

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conflict happens. Because? Because.

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It will happen. Now in a in an

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ideal world, you go through the conflict, you

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learn from it, you work hopefully, you work

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through it together and you don't have to

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deal with that kind of conflict

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over and over again.

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Certain

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forms of, like, going at one another, if

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it's happening all the time, that's a sign.

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Like, what are we doing here? Something's not

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working.

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But just to have

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a moment where you are upset with your

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partner or they are upset with you

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does not mean that you are doomed and

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that this is all failed. This is part

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of it because it's a relationship.

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People interacting with one another no matter how

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much they might care about one another will

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a 100% get on each other's nerves. Okay.

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And that can cause conflict. So

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that's my lecture that I I feel is

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necessary for all kinksters to be reminded of,

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especially newbies. So let's talk about what it

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can look and feel like and I'm just

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going to name what I listed and then

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okay. So there's anger. I think that's the

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one most people think of. You think of

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conflict, you're pissed off. You are mad at

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the other person.

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There is sadness

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00:09:44,865 --> 00:09:46,164
to feel hurt

271
00:09:46,690 --> 00:09:50,110
or and hurt feelings. Those those sort of

272
00:09:50,210 --> 00:09:52,129
not it's not anger, but it's still a

273
00:09:52,129 --> 00:09:56,129
negative emotion that that can be it's very

274
00:09:56,129 --> 00:09:57,970
rare that JB hurts my feelings, but when

275
00:09:57,970 --> 00:09:59,110
he hurts my feelings,

276
00:09:59,570 --> 00:10:02,164
it's always unintentional. But I'm gonna have some

277
00:10:02,164 --> 00:10:03,384
deep sorrowful

278
00:10:03,764 --> 00:10:05,944
feelings before we can have a conversation

279
00:10:06,404 --> 00:10:06,904
about

280
00:10:09,284 --> 00:10:11,444
it. Guilt or shame? Guilt is usually about

281
00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:12,504
something you did,

282
00:10:13,204 --> 00:10:14,504
and in that case,

283
00:10:14,840 --> 00:10:16,519
the other person might be the one with

284
00:10:16,519 --> 00:10:18,040
big feelings that it Or didn't do. Or

285
00:10:18,040 --> 00:10:20,360
didn't do. And shame is usually about how

286
00:10:20,360 --> 00:10:23,100
you're internalizing your feelings. That those are very

287
00:10:24,120 --> 00:10:27,164
broad definitions for nuanced topics, but in general

288
00:10:27,324 --> 00:10:28,144
the, you know,

289
00:10:29,164 --> 00:10:31,725
as simple explanations. And shame is one we

290
00:10:31,725 --> 00:10:33,725
don't really like, shame's not a good one

291
00:10:33,725 --> 00:10:35,804
because it's like it's internalized now. It's about

292
00:10:35,804 --> 00:10:38,464
your viewing yourself and your self worth, but

293
00:10:38,684 --> 00:10:40,304
when you have those feelings,

294
00:10:41,750 --> 00:10:43,750
it's either happening it's happening for all kinds

295
00:10:43,750 --> 00:10:45,429
of reasons. One of those reasons can be

296
00:10:45,429 --> 00:10:46,950
something that was said to you by a

297
00:10:46,950 --> 00:10:48,970
partner, something that they did that

298
00:10:49,509 --> 00:10:51,690
triggered this feeling, brought it out, whatever.

299
00:10:52,070 --> 00:10:54,309
And sometimes you are having these feelings and

300
00:10:54,309 --> 00:10:55,450
then you react

301
00:10:56,044 --> 00:10:58,044
upon those feelings, which might not be your

302
00:10:58,044 --> 00:11:00,065
actual reality. You are feeling

303
00:11:00,445 --> 00:11:02,365
shame about something you did or did not

304
00:11:02,365 --> 00:11:03,184
do and

305
00:11:03,964 --> 00:11:05,804
you are lashing out at your partner. Guess

306
00:11:05,804 --> 00:11:08,570
what? Guess what? We now have conflict. Right?

307
00:11:08,970 --> 00:11:10,529
But lashing out at your partner is one

308
00:11:10,529 --> 00:11:12,330
of those. You don't, you know, you don't

309
00:11:12,330 --> 00:11:15,230
take criticism well or you feel like

310
00:11:15,769 --> 00:11:18,009
you interpreted a question that was asked as

311
00:11:18,009 --> 00:11:20,889
criticism or as an accusation instead of the

312
00:11:20,889 --> 00:11:22,190
question that it was.

313
00:11:22,595 --> 00:11:25,715
Or you just haven't your communication skills are

314
00:11:25,715 --> 00:11:27,795
real rusty or real new or just real

315
00:11:27,795 --> 00:11:29,175
damn bad and that's

316
00:11:29,715 --> 00:11:31,415
what comes out of your mouth. Right?

317
00:11:32,035 --> 00:11:33,654
Withdrawing from your partner.

318
00:11:34,195 --> 00:11:36,210
I am the queen of this one. If

319
00:11:36,210 --> 00:11:37,970
I am in if I am upset by

320
00:11:37,970 --> 00:11:40,629
something or I interpret something going wrong,

321
00:11:41,169 --> 00:11:43,410
it is I'm real quick to get real

322
00:11:43,410 --> 00:11:45,730
fucking quiet. I know nobody ever believes it

323
00:11:45,730 --> 00:11:47,330
when I say that I can get quiet.

324
00:11:47,330 --> 00:11:49,090
It's true. But it's actually a source of

325
00:11:49,090 --> 00:11:51,977
what the hell is wrong most often. And

326
00:11:51,977 --> 00:11:54,825
that's not good either to withdraw because now

327
00:11:54,825 --> 00:11:57,673
we've got a lack of communication, and that's

328
00:11:57,673 --> 00:12:00,521
not gonna help. No. What say you about

329
00:12:00,521 --> 00:12:03,070
the what conflict looks and feels like regard

330
00:12:03,190 --> 00:12:04,710
we hadn't gotten to what causes it, but,

331
00:12:04,710 --> 00:12:04,790
like

332
00:12:05,830 --> 00:12:07,670
what it looks and feels like. A lasher

333
00:12:07,670 --> 00:12:10,410
outer. Yes. I am. I'm a withdrawer. Correct.

334
00:12:10,790 --> 00:12:12,389
That's not good when you're both pissed off

335
00:12:12,389 --> 00:12:13,370
by it. No.

336
00:12:14,230 --> 00:12:14,970
No. No.

337
00:12:15,845 --> 00:12:18,245
No. It's it's a bad combination in that,

338
00:12:19,125 --> 00:12:20,585
in that aspect. Yeah.

339
00:12:21,045 --> 00:12:21,545
Yeah.

340
00:12:22,325 --> 00:12:24,404
Not But, you know, like I was gonna

341
00:12:24,404 --> 00:12:26,745
say earlier, when this one goes quiet,

342
00:12:27,970 --> 00:12:30,210
there's some serious cock happening. Like, I have

343
00:12:30,210 --> 00:12:31,570
all kinds of reasons I might go quiet,

344
00:12:31,570 --> 00:12:33,830
but one is usually I am I'm feeling

345
00:12:34,450 --> 00:12:37,490
big negative feelings Mhmm. That I don't feel

346
00:12:37,490 --> 00:12:39,590
safe to express, I don't want to express.

347
00:12:39,889 --> 00:12:41,429
I know that if I express them,

348
00:12:42,210 --> 00:12:44,225
she will not do it submissively.

349
00:12:44,845 --> 00:12:47,964
I have my own, you know, childhood traumas

350
00:12:47,964 --> 00:12:48,464
of,

351
00:12:48,845 --> 00:12:51,085
you know, that go with that of why

352
00:12:51,085 --> 00:12:52,605
I would not feel like I could express

353
00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:54,445
myself or that it's not safe to express

354
00:12:54,445 --> 00:12:56,580
myself. Those are things that I'm working

355
00:13:00,580 --> 00:13:02,179
I don't I don't think there's a better

356
00:13:02,179 --> 00:13:04,420
or worse, but as a person who does

357
00:13:04,420 --> 00:13:06,820
withdraw and who is triggered by being by

358
00:13:06,820 --> 00:13:09,774
loud voices and yelling, the fact that JB

359
00:13:09,774 --> 00:13:11,855
is a lasher outer and we are still

360
00:13:11,855 --> 00:13:15,054
together just proves you can get through things

361
00:13:15,054 --> 00:13:17,695
and you can learn how to navigate these

362
00:13:17,695 --> 00:13:20,335
things because Yeah. He will raise his voice

363
00:13:20,335 --> 00:13:22,240
and he's not even mad at anybody. And

364
00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:24,320
I'm over here having, like, a full body

365
00:13:24,320 --> 00:13:25,139
jolt of

366
00:13:25,519 --> 00:13:27,620
what is happening. But when we're

367
00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:30,019
going back and forth with one another,

368
00:13:30,399 --> 00:13:30,899
it

369
00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:33,379
it is very easy to misinterpret

370
00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:35,379
what the other person

371
00:13:36,065 --> 00:13:38,144
means by what they're doing or saying or

372
00:13:38,144 --> 00:13:39,904
the tone of their voice or the lack

373
00:13:39,904 --> 00:13:40,404
of

374
00:13:40,705 --> 00:13:41,205
communication

375
00:13:41,664 --> 00:13:43,585
and then we just sort of add our

376
00:13:43,585 --> 00:13:46,225
own personal stuff onto what we think that

377
00:13:46,225 --> 00:13:49,080
means and now this moment where we literally

378
00:13:49,080 --> 00:13:51,320
just didn't understand what the other person was

379
00:13:51,320 --> 00:13:51,820
saying

380
00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:53,179
becomes this,

381
00:13:53,720 --> 00:13:56,539
like, gnashing of teeth, go to separate corners,

382
00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:59,080
having whatever feelings you're gonna like, when I

383
00:13:59,320 --> 00:14:00,059
when he

384
00:14:00,914 --> 00:14:03,315
gets loud and it sounds to my ears

385
00:14:03,315 --> 00:14:04,294
as aggression,

386
00:14:04,995 --> 00:14:06,595
I have one of two responses. When I'm

387
00:14:06,595 --> 00:14:08,434
feeling real safe and real with it, I'm

388
00:14:08,434 --> 00:14:10,914
loud back. Mhmm. You don't no. Well, I'm

389
00:14:10,914 --> 00:14:12,995
not doing that. But when I'm not feeling

390
00:14:12,995 --> 00:14:15,179
that way, and that will have nothing to

391
00:14:15,179 --> 00:14:16,539
do with what we're going through, what the

392
00:14:16,539 --> 00:14:18,379
topic is. It might just be whatever is

393
00:14:18,379 --> 00:14:20,320
going on in my weird head today.

394
00:14:21,019 --> 00:14:23,440
When I withdraw, it there's a fear element

395
00:14:23,820 --> 00:14:24,720
that is

396
00:14:25,754 --> 00:14:28,315
not anything about what JB just said or

397
00:14:28,315 --> 00:14:30,475
did. He didn't cause it. It's my own

398
00:14:30,475 --> 00:14:32,174
stuff, but I'm still

399
00:14:32,554 --> 00:14:34,095
reacting from that place.

400
00:14:34,634 --> 00:14:36,475
And now this very simple thing happened today,

401
00:14:36,475 --> 00:14:37,754
and it was very small. It was over

402
00:14:37,754 --> 00:14:40,070
in a blip. It's not a a conflict

403
00:14:40,210 --> 00:14:42,529
in the long drawn out way I think

404
00:14:42,529 --> 00:14:43,590
people think of it.

405
00:14:44,370 --> 00:14:44,870
JD

406
00:14:45,649 --> 00:14:46,470
came in

407
00:14:47,410 --> 00:14:48,470
to tell me something,

408
00:14:49,009 --> 00:14:51,009
didn't use words. He was pointing at a

409
00:14:51,009 --> 00:14:51,509
thing

410
00:14:52,129 --> 00:14:53,809
while he had earbuds in so he couldn't

411
00:14:53,809 --> 00:14:55,615
have heard me anyway. My I had not

412
00:14:55,615 --> 00:14:57,214
been focusing. I did not even know he

413
00:14:57,214 --> 00:14:59,875
was there until he started making noise.

414
00:15:00,254 --> 00:15:02,414
I was so unaware that there's anybody in

415
00:15:02,414 --> 00:15:04,914
my space that when I turned to him,

416
00:15:06,174 --> 00:15:08,860
I didn't immediately, like, my focus didn't immediately

417
00:15:08,860 --> 00:15:10,700
switch to him to understand what I was

418
00:15:10,700 --> 00:15:11,519
looking at.

419
00:15:12,059 --> 00:15:14,940
And so we're both getting annoyed with one

420
00:15:14,940 --> 00:15:17,919
another because not I can't understand what he's

421
00:15:17,980 --> 00:15:20,799
saying. He can't understand why I can't understand.

422
00:15:21,980 --> 00:15:23,954
It was thirty seconds. By the time it

423
00:15:23,954 --> 00:15:25,315
was done, I knew what the hell he

424
00:15:25,315 --> 00:15:26,674
was trying to tell me, and we were

425
00:15:26,674 --> 00:15:28,294
both like, well, whatever.

426
00:15:29,394 --> 00:15:31,815
We went up to our separate corners.

427
00:15:32,514 --> 00:15:34,934
And see, I came I came at it

428
00:15:35,730 --> 00:15:37,429
and and this was my fault

429
00:15:38,370 --> 00:15:40,450
under the assumption that this was something we

430
00:15:40,450 --> 00:15:42,389
had talked about a while back

431
00:15:43,809 --> 00:15:45,649
and that you should just know what it

432
00:15:45,649 --> 00:15:47,809
is that I I meant. You pulled a

433
00:15:47,809 --> 00:15:50,210
me. You started that conversation in your head

434
00:15:50,210 --> 00:15:51,935
and you only looped me in at the

435
00:15:51,975 --> 00:15:53,335
At the very end. Back end of it.

436
00:15:53,335 --> 00:15:54,774
I do that to him all the time.

437
00:15:54,774 --> 00:15:56,875
I mean, truly, I have started a conversation

438
00:15:57,014 --> 00:15:59,735
from my brain to my voice in mid

439
00:15:59,735 --> 00:16:00,795
sentence before,

440
00:16:01,575 --> 00:16:03,495
and that's why we need to buy lactose

441
00:16:03,495 --> 00:16:05,575
free milk was I still remember that. We're

442
00:16:05,575 --> 00:16:06,210
in a parking

443
00:16:07,809 --> 00:16:09,730
lot in Walmart. Can I can barely remember

444
00:16:09,730 --> 00:16:11,170
what it was on the front side that

445
00:16:11,170 --> 00:16:12,610
I was thinking about, but I because you

446
00:16:12,610 --> 00:16:13,730
looked at me like I was a crazy

447
00:16:13,730 --> 00:16:15,730
person because I just randomly said that? So

448
00:16:15,730 --> 00:16:16,230
communications

449
00:16:16,690 --> 00:16:17,190
problems

450
00:16:18,290 --> 00:16:21,095
are are big source of why there's conflict,

451
00:16:21,095 --> 00:16:22,394
and we will get to that.

452
00:16:23,254 --> 00:16:24,535
But, you know, I think a lot of

453
00:16:24,535 --> 00:16:26,535
times we think of conflict and we talk

454
00:16:26,535 --> 00:16:27,434
about conflict

455
00:16:28,054 --> 00:16:28,794
as some

456
00:16:29,415 --> 00:16:31,735
long, drawn out thing. Maybe it's hours or

457
00:16:31,735 --> 00:16:33,809
days or weeks before you resolve it. And

458
00:16:33,809 --> 00:16:34,709
some sometimes

459
00:16:35,089 --> 00:16:36,949
and sometimes it's these blips

460
00:16:37,970 --> 00:16:40,789
in the day where one of you misunderstands

461
00:16:41,009 --> 00:16:42,769
the other. One of you is in your

462
00:16:42,769 --> 00:16:44,949
feelings about something completely separate,

463
00:16:45,409 --> 00:16:46,929
but a thing has triggered you or a

464
00:16:46,929 --> 00:16:49,534
thing reminds you of that or, you know,

465
00:16:49,534 --> 00:16:51,214
your partner doesn't come at you in a

466
00:16:51,214 --> 00:16:52,355
way that your

467
00:16:52,975 --> 00:16:54,894
mind and body can handle in a moment,

468
00:16:54,894 --> 00:16:57,634
and you have feelings. And those feelings,

469
00:16:58,014 --> 00:17:01,075
if they are not understood and or resolved,

470
00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:04,299
you know, then we we

471
00:17:05,160 --> 00:17:07,320
get the long term conflicts that will fuck

472
00:17:07,320 --> 00:17:09,240
up the power exchange, will fuck up the

473
00:17:09,240 --> 00:17:09,740
relationship.

474
00:17:10,440 --> 00:17:13,180
One way conflict can feel like resentment too.

475
00:17:13,880 --> 00:17:14,779
And resentment

476
00:17:15,559 --> 00:17:16,920
comes we've done I think we've done an

477
00:17:16,920 --> 00:17:17,900
episode on resentment.

478
00:17:18,315 --> 00:17:20,075
I have been feeling my own little twinges

479
00:17:20,075 --> 00:17:20,734
of resentment.

480
00:17:21,514 --> 00:17:22,014
I

481
00:17:22,554 --> 00:17:23,994
I guess sometimes it's a good thing that

482
00:17:23,994 --> 00:17:25,835
I'm super introspective to the point that it's,

483
00:17:25,835 --> 00:17:27,615
like, probably unhealthy, but whatever.

484
00:17:28,474 --> 00:17:30,654
Because I will feel resentful

485
00:17:31,274 --> 00:17:32,255
over a thing

486
00:17:32,634 --> 00:17:32,970
that

487
00:17:33,690 --> 00:17:35,609
my brain is lying to me about and

488
00:17:35,609 --> 00:17:37,529
saying, well, JB doesn't have to book, and

489
00:17:37,529 --> 00:17:39,369
JB doesn't go through it, and you do

490
00:17:39,369 --> 00:17:40,890
all these things. And it's a big fat

491
00:17:40,890 --> 00:17:42,970
fucking lie because if I could step outside

492
00:17:42,970 --> 00:17:44,029
of my own, like,

493
00:17:45,049 --> 00:17:45,549
resentfulness

494
00:17:45,929 --> 00:17:48,654
and look at the world, like, clearly, I'm

495
00:17:48,654 --> 00:17:50,575
like, okay. Yes. There are things I I

496
00:17:50,734 --> 00:17:52,095
that need to be fixed or need to

497
00:17:52,095 --> 00:17:53,694
get a little bit better so I can

498
00:17:53,694 --> 00:17:55,134
let go of some of what I'm carrying,

499
00:17:55,134 --> 00:17:57,134
but it's not because JB is a super

500
00:17:57,134 --> 00:17:59,474
bad person and made me feel resentful,

501
00:18:00,335 --> 00:18:03,134
thankfully. Are there those types of interactions? Are

502
00:18:03,134 --> 00:18:04,410
there those types of relationships?

503
00:18:04,809 --> 00:18:05,549
Of course.

504
00:18:06,250 --> 00:18:08,090
But in that case, I'm walking around with

505
00:18:08,090 --> 00:18:08,590
resent

506
00:18:08,970 --> 00:18:09,470
resentment.

507
00:18:09,930 --> 00:18:11,070
He says, like,

508
00:18:11,529 --> 00:18:13,710
a perfectly innocent thing. And now

509
00:18:14,330 --> 00:18:16,730
I'm clenching my jaw because I'm trying to

510
00:18:16,730 --> 00:18:19,414
remember that the first rule of power exchange

511
00:18:19,414 --> 00:18:21,974
is I will speak with respect and what

512
00:18:21,974 --> 00:18:24,075
I am thinking and what I am feeling

513
00:18:24,134 --> 00:18:25,194
are not respectful.

514
00:18:27,174 --> 00:18:29,734
And it comes from a this misplaced resentment

515
00:18:29,734 --> 00:18:32,220
or this not even misplaced. The the resentment

516
00:18:32,279 --> 00:18:34,919
is real, but the reason for it, I'm

517
00:18:34,919 --> 00:18:37,799
projecting. I'm not actually dealing with what the

518
00:18:37,799 --> 00:18:40,359
problem is. Right? And resentment can be a

519
00:18:40,359 --> 00:18:42,200
feeling you have because of conflict and it

520
00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:43,720
can cause conflict. There will be a few

521
00:18:43,720 --> 00:18:45,659
things when we get to what causes conflict

522
00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:47,295
that are both feelings and,

523
00:18:48,414 --> 00:18:49,075
you know,

524
00:18:49,855 --> 00:18:53,075
actions and things that happen to create conflict.

525
00:18:53,535 --> 00:18:55,455
And so, yeah, sometimes they're over in thirty

526
00:18:55,455 --> 00:18:57,455
seconds and sometimes you're still thinking about them

527
00:18:57,455 --> 00:18:59,295
ten years after you've been together and it's

528
00:18:59,295 --> 00:19:01,134
been over and done. I was in a

529
00:19:01,134 --> 00:19:02,519
marriage like that where a

530
00:19:04,039 --> 00:19:06,359
thing sounded like it was being resolved. We

531
00:19:06,359 --> 00:19:08,359
kind of made the motions and said the

532
00:19:08,359 --> 00:19:10,119
right words of a thing being resolved, the

533
00:19:10,119 --> 00:19:12,759
conflict being resolved, and yet I was the

534
00:19:12,759 --> 00:19:13,259
absolute

535
00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:16,200
bitch that was a 100% bringing it up

536
00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:17,875
again. Now I was bringing it up again

537
00:19:17,875 --> 00:19:19,234
because it was a pattern of behavior, and

538
00:19:19,234 --> 00:19:20,375
that's a whole other conversation.

539
00:19:22,434 --> 00:19:23,414
But, you know,

540
00:19:23,795 --> 00:19:24,775
so that that's

541
00:19:25,234 --> 00:19:27,555
that's what comp conflict can oh, and I

542
00:19:27,555 --> 00:19:29,394
I can't even describe all the ways conflict

543
00:19:29,394 --> 00:19:31,315
can feel. Oh, yeah. Because it's gonna be

544
00:19:31,315 --> 00:19:33,269
personal to you and what bothers you and

545
00:19:33,269 --> 00:19:35,509
what triggers you and what your partner does

546
00:19:35,509 --> 00:19:38,230
or doesn't do and, you know, how that

547
00:19:38,230 --> 00:19:40,230
relates to what you do or don't do

548
00:19:40,230 --> 00:19:42,070
and how you handle things and what you

549
00:19:42,070 --> 00:19:43,930
say and what you don't say.

550
00:19:44,884 --> 00:19:46,105
So it's very personal.

551
00:19:46,964 --> 00:19:48,684
You're watching your cat Yeah.

552
00:19:49,125 --> 00:19:51,044
Scoot through here. Yeah. I don't know what

553
00:19:51,044 --> 00:19:53,204
onyx it's onyx. She probably will not jump

554
00:19:53,204 --> 00:19:54,804
up any any laps, so there'll be no

555
00:19:54,804 --> 00:19:56,024
onyx sightings today.

556
00:19:56,565 --> 00:19:57,839
Anything you would add to what

557
00:19:58,299 --> 00:20:00,139
conflict looks and feels like on the internal

558
00:20:00,139 --> 00:20:01,579
side? Okay. Now let me get to my

559
00:20:01,579 --> 00:20:04,539
really long list. Oh, boy. Sources of conflict

560
00:20:04,539 --> 00:20:07,359
and power exchange. Now let's be clear.

561
00:20:07,980 --> 00:20:09,899
All of these thing most of these things

562
00:20:09,899 --> 00:20:12,835
are any and all relationships. Doesn't matter the

563
00:20:12,835 --> 00:20:13,335
flavor.

564
00:20:13,714 --> 00:20:14,615
Some are

565
00:20:15,714 --> 00:20:17,795
very specific to power exchange. I'm gonna start

566
00:20:17,875 --> 00:20:19,075
I'm gonna go out of order of my

567
00:20:19,075 --> 00:20:20,914
own freaking list. I'm gonna start with the

568
00:20:20,914 --> 00:20:21,815
stuff that is,

569
00:20:22,674 --> 00:20:24,295
specific to power exchange

570
00:20:24,914 --> 00:20:25,315
because

571
00:20:25,840 --> 00:20:26,880
k. You go ahead. I'm gonna see if

572
00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:28,320
I can get her You're gonna go. Pacing

573
00:20:28,320 --> 00:20:29,380
around. Yeah.

574
00:20:30,799 --> 00:20:32,480
And there was kind of a sighting of

575
00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:34,960
JB's kilt. Podcast listeners, you should come to

576
00:20:34,960 --> 00:20:36,740
the YouTube channel to maybe

577
00:20:37,279 --> 00:20:39,519
see JB's kilt. Not at a good camera

578
00:20:39,519 --> 00:20:40,019
angle.

579
00:20:42,085 --> 00:20:43,525
But here we go. I don't wanna start

580
00:20:43,525 --> 00:20:44,804
because I want you to be here to

581
00:20:44,804 --> 00:20:46,644
be listening to me. K. So you can,

582
00:20:46,964 --> 00:20:48,404
I was right? She bolted for the door

583
00:20:48,404 --> 00:20:49,684
as soon as I opened it. She wanted

584
00:20:49,684 --> 00:20:50,345
out. Okay.

585
00:20:50,884 --> 00:20:52,825
So I called this disagreements.

586
00:20:53,149 --> 00:20:55,309
Any relationship kind of disagreements is not about

587
00:20:55,309 --> 00:20:57,710
what but let's be specific to to power

588
00:20:57,710 --> 00:20:58,210
exchange.

589
00:20:58,990 --> 00:21:01,230
The disagreement that a sub has with the

590
00:21:01,230 --> 00:21:02,769
decision their dom makes,

591
00:21:03,549 --> 00:21:05,389
that I don't think any new sub is

592
00:21:05,389 --> 00:21:07,169
prepared for the first time. You're like,

593
00:21:07,549 --> 00:21:09,525
what the hell are they thinking? Why are

594
00:21:09,525 --> 00:21:10,184
we doing

595
00:21:10,965 --> 00:21:13,144
this? I wouldn't do it this way.

596
00:21:13,924 --> 00:21:16,244
And then the flip side of, you know,

597
00:21:16,244 --> 00:21:18,744
doms who are not happy with,

598
00:21:19,125 --> 00:21:20,184
disagree with

599
00:21:20,644 --> 00:21:22,484
what a sub did or didn't do, what

600
00:21:22,484 --> 00:21:24,690
they think their sub should or shouldn't do,

601
00:21:25,470 --> 00:21:27,170
whether that is about negotiated

602
00:21:27,950 --> 00:21:30,529
rules and expectations, or it's just like,

603
00:21:31,470 --> 00:21:33,230
what are you over there doing? Like, it's

604
00:21:33,230 --> 00:21:34,830
something you couldn't even think, oh, we should

605
00:21:34,830 --> 00:21:37,115
probably have this conversation. Don't do that or,

606
00:21:37,115 --> 00:21:38,714
you know, please do this or whatever it

607
00:21:38,714 --> 00:21:39,214
is.

608
00:21:39,994 --> 00:21:43,035
Generic disagreements, yes, exist in power exchange. And

609
00:21:43,035 --> 00:21:43,934
then there are

610
00:21:44,315 --> 00:21:47,835
the disagreements where it's specific to your power

611
00:21:47,835 --> 00:21:48,335
exchange.

612
00:21:48,940 --> 00:21:51,440
It's been a long time since I haven't

613
00:21:51,660 --> 00:21:53,680
agreed with a decision you've made.

614
00:21:54,859 --> 00:21:56,619
And and I I don't remember what it

615
00:21:56,619 --> 00:21:57,759
was. It's been

616
00:21:58,619 --> 00:21:59,519
literal years.

617
00:22:00,299 --> 00:22:01,924
I do remember how how you resolved it

618
00:22:01,924 --> 00:22:04,005
or how we resolved it. You I was

619
00:22:04,005 --> 00:22:05,845
honest with you and said, I do not

620
00:22:05,845 --> 00:22:07,704
agree with the decision you're making.

621
00:22:08,005 --> 00:22:10,325
And the conversation we went back to, which

622
00:22:10,325 --> 00:22:10,825
is,

623
00:22:11,365 --> 00:22:11,865
what

624
00:22:12,964 --> 00:22:14,664
what's the outcome if you're wrong?

625
00:22:15,204 --> 00:22:17,019
And the way you did did was not

626
00:22:17,019 --> 00:22:18,380
like a life or death thing, it was

627
00:22:18,380 --> 00:22:19,980
not like we're going to waste thousands of

628
00:22:19,980 --> 00:22:22,240
dollars, it was a low stakes thing,

629
00:22:22,539 --> 00:22:23,039
but

630
00:22:23,900 --> 00:22:26,059
prior to being in a power exchange, prior

631
00:22:26,059 --> 00:22:28,394
to being a 20 fourseven power exchange, prior

632
00:22:28,875 --> 00:22:30,714
to actually attempting to share my life with

633
00:22:30,714 --> 00:22:32,174
another adult, right,

634
00:22:32,795 --> 00:22:33,994
I had had a few years where I

635
00:22:33,994 --> 00:22:35,595
was making my own damn decisions. I had

636
00:22:35,595 --> 00:22:36,795
a whole marriage where I was making my

637
00:22:36,795 --> 00:22:38,255
own damn decisions, but whatever.

638
00:22:39,195 --> 00:22:41,275
So I had I we had been in

639
00:22:41,275 --> 00:22:43,500
agreement on so much that I never really

640
00:22:43,500 --> 00:22:44,619
had to think about it. And then there

641
00:22:44,619 --> 00:22:46,220
came this time where it was that is

642
00:22:46,220 --> 00:22:47,740
not a decision I would have made. That's

643
00:22:47,740 --> 00:22:49,500
not the way I would have gone. The

644
00:22:49,500 --> 00:22:51,039
way we resolved it was

645
00:22:51,900 --> 00:22:53,660
you, I think, asked and you or you

646
00:22:53,660 --> 00:22:55,340
said, let's talk about what happens if I'm

647
00:22:55,340 --> 00:22:55,840
wrong.

648
00:22:56,460 --> 00:22:58,434
What happens? Like, what's the worst thing that

649
00:22:58,434 --> 00:22:59,974
could happen? And, also,

650
00:23:00,514 --> 00:23:03,075
the other suggestion that I'm not taking, the

651
00:23:03,075 --> 00:23:05,075
thing I'm not doing, we can just do.

652
00:23:05,075 --> 00:23:06,914
Like, it was it was a low stakes

653
00:23:06,914 --> 00:23:08,934
thing. This was not like Right.

654
00:23:09,234 --> 00:23:11,369
You know? Right. Well, there was no children

655
00:23:11,369 --> 00:23:14,250
from burning buildings. Yeah. I know. Or or,

656
00:23:14,250 --> 00:23:14,910
you know,

657
00:23:15,529 --> 00:23:17,609
hinging on financial disaster or anything like that.

658
00:23:17,609 --> 00:23:19,529
Right. There's nothing like that. So And that

659
00:23:19,529 --> 00:23:21,529
that was how we ended up resolving it.

660
00:23:21,529 --> 00:23:23,690
Right. What that taught me I don't think

661
00:23:24,734 --> 00:23:26,255
I can't think of a time since then

662
00:23:26,255 --> 00:23:28,355
where I've outright disagreed

663
00:23:28,815 --> 00:23:30,575
or just did not like a decision you

664
00:23:30,575 --> 00:23:31,075
made.

665
00:23:31,694 --> 00:23:33,535
Beyond the whiny baby girl version of me

666
00:23:33,535 --> 00:23:34,974
who's not ready to go to sleep, I

667
00:23:34,974 --> 00:23:36,894
don't care if my eyelids are half closed.

668
00:23:36,894 --> 00:23:38,194
I'm not ready to go to bed.

669
00:23:38,630 --> 00:23:40,549
Beyond that. Beyond the playful stuff. Time to

670
00:23:40,549 --> 00:23:41,850
roll over, baby. Right.

671
00:23:43,110 --> 00:23:45,190
Right. What we learned from that was when

672
00:23:45,190 --> 00:23:48,410
we are talking about a decision being made,

673
00:23:49,110 --> 00:23:50,410
that is part of the conversation.

674
00:23:51,190 --> 00:23:52,950
JB will say, this is the direction I'm

675
00:23:52,950 --> 00:23:55,494
thinking of. Here's the outcome of that. Here's

676
00:23:55,494 --> 00:23:57,335
the worst case scenario. Here's what we can

677
00:23:57,335 --> 00:23:59,654
do if it doesn't work. And sometimes I've

678
00:23:59,654 --> 00:24:01,015
been the one to say that he's making

679
00:24:01,015 --> 00:24:03,494
a decision, but he's concerned with making the

680
00:24:03,494 --> 00:24:05,974
right decisions. A lot of responsibility to put

681
00:24:05,974 --> 00:24:08,400
on somebody's shoulders, and I'll say, okay. Here's

682
00:24:08,400 --> 00:24:10,320
what would happen if it goes wrong. Here's

683
00:24:10,320 --> 00:24:11,140
what we can do

684
00:24:11,600 --> 00:24:13,440
if we need to pivot. And that just

685
00:24:13,440 --> 00:24:15,759
became part of our negotiation process so that

686
00:24:15,759 --> 00:24:17,460
by the time he makes a decision,

687
00:24:18,559 --> 00:24:20,384
I'm in the loop. I don't feel like

688
00:24:20,384 --> 00:24:22,785
I've been blindsided with anything, and we both

689
00:24:22,785 --> 00:24:25,825
know what the alternative is, you know? I

690
00:24:25,825 --> 00:24:27,505
mean, I think we've been fortunate that when

691
00:24:27,505 --> 00:24:29,424
we have decisions like that, they've mostly worked

692
00:24:29,424 --> 00:24:31,265
out. Yeah. But as with all parts of

693
00:24:31,265 --> 00:24:33,210
life, we've just gotten through whatever it was.

694
00:24:33,210 --> 00:24:35,089
You know, whatever we thought it would go

695
00:24:35,089 --> 00:24:36,450
this way, and then it went off the

696
00:24:36,450 --> 00:24:37,970
fucking rails. Well, we just went off the

697
00:24:37,970 --> 00:24:39,029
rails with it and

698
00:24:39,410 --> 00:24:40,710
figured it out. Right?

699
00:24:41,169 --> 00:24:42,450
But that is a that is a real

700
00:24:42,450 --> 00:24:44,210
source of conflict. And I think I think

701
00:24:44,210 --> 00:24:46,544
it shocks the shit out of folks in

702
00:24:46,544 --> 00:24:48,625
a new power exchange or who are new

703
00:24:48,625 --> 00:24:50,005
to dominance or submission

704
00:24:50,384 --> 00:24:52,384
because there's this fantasy we have in our

705
00:24:52,384 --> 00:24:54,224
head of if there's somebody else just making

706
00:24:54,224 --> 00:24:54,804
the decision,

707
00:24:55,105 --> 00:24:57,184
all will be well and there I trust

708
00:24:57,184 --> 00:24:59,024
them so I can just let them. Or

709
00:24:59,024 --> 00:25:00,065
for a dom, it'd be like, if I

710
00:25:00,065 --> 00:25:01,505
have all the control and we can just

711
00:25:01,505 --> 00:25:03,640
do everything I want, it will all be

712
00:25:03,640 --> 00:25:04,539
okay and

713
00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:05,420
sometimes.

714
00:25:06,200 --> 00:25:07,960
You know? And I think that there's also

715
00:25:08,119 --> 00:25:09,880
because this isn't about rules. It's about, I

716
00:25:09,880 --> 00:25:10,619
think, behavior.

717
00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:12,519
I go back to the when a dom

718
00:25:12,519 --> 00:25:14,440
is like, what is my sub doing or

719
00:25:14,440 --> 00:25:16,360
not doing? Right? That I I think they

720
00:25:16,360 --> 00:25:18,414
should I think they should behave this way.

721
00:25:18,414 --> 00:25:20,335
I think they should their demeanor should be

722
00:25:20,335 --> 00:25:22,654
this way. Those are conversations to have to

723
00:25:22,654 --> 00:25:23,714
be negotiated.

724
00:25:24,254 --> 00:25:26,174
If it upsets you or bothers you to

725
00:25:26,174 --> 00:25:27,234
see your submissive

726
00:25:27,774 --> 00:25:30,174
do a thing or behave in a way

727
00:25:30,174 --> 00:25:30,674
or

728
00:25:31,134 --> 00:25:31,634
whatever,

729
00:25:33,039 --> 00:25:33,539
that's

730
00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:36,640
it don't hold on to whatever feeling it

731
00:25:36,640 --> 00:25:39,519
is that it creates for you. That's a

732
00:25:39,519 --> 00:25:40,019
conversation

733
00:25:40,640 --> 00:25:43,279
because it's either you'll negotiate a path through

734
00:25:43,279 --> 00:25:45,575
or you'll find out there's an incompatibility incompatibility

735
00:25:46,274 --> 00:25:48,355
or whatever. But, yeah, it can it can

736
00:25:48,355 --> 00:25:50,214
be jarring. Yeah.

737
00:25:50,674 --> 00:25:53,014
You know, and I think it's often

738
00:25:54,755 --> 00:25:57,075
I think it probably happens most often that

739
00:25:57,075 --> 00:25:59,880
that jarringness, that jar ness, that draw whatever

740
00:25:59,960 --> 00:26:01,259
however I say that feeling,

741
00:26:02,440 --> 00:26:04,380
when you're coming out on to the

742
00:26:04,839 --> 00:26:07,880
downhill slide of new relationship energy. Because when

743
00:26:07,880 --> 00:26:10,759
everything is pretty and shiny and perfect and

744
00:26:10,759 --> 00:26:11,259
new,

745
00:26:11,720 --> 00:26:13,904
first of all, it doesn't mean conflict doesn't

746
00:26:13,904 --> 00:26:14,404
happen.

747
00:26:14,865 --> 00:26:16,785
It means that it gets waved away or

748
00:26:16,785 --> 00:26:18,785
gone, oh, it doesn't matter or oh, maybe

749
00:26:18,785 --> 00:26:19,684
I'm just misinterpreting.

750
00:26:20,144 --> 00:26:22,005
And people are like, this feels so good.

751
00:26:22,144 --> 00:26:23,984
Nothing can make it feel bad. And that's

752
00:26:23,984 --> 00:26:26,224
not true. So I do think some conflict

753
00:26:26,224 --> 00:26:26,724
gets,

754
00:26:27,355 --> 00:26:27,855
ignored

755
00:26:28,279 --> 00:26:31,159
or or disregarded in new relationship energy that

756
00:26:31,159 --> 00:26:33,640
probably shouldn't. Not that there's necessarily awful stuff,

757
00:26:33,640 --> 00:26:35,640
but sometimes it's these little nagging things that

758
00:26:35,640 --> 00:26:37,480
once you are not in the honeymoon stage,

759
00:26:37,480 --> 00:26:39,000
you're gonna be like, oh my god. This

760
00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:41,319
is really fucking annoying. Why does this keep

761
00:26:41,319 --> 00:26:41,819
happening?

762
00:26:42,599 --> 00:26:43,904
But for for you to feel it that

763
00:26:43,904 --> 00:26:46,304
first time, it means you're out of new

764
00:26:46,304 --> 00:26:48,644
relationship energy or you're coming out of it.

765
00:26:48,944 --> 00:26:50,484
And if you have, you know,

766
00:26:50,865 --> 00:26:53,264
thought had nothing but hearts in your eyes

767
00:26:53,264 --> 00:26:56,224
for six months or however long, and now

768
00:26:56,224 --> 00:26:56,964
you're like,

769
00:26:58,440 --> 00:26:59,579
are are they

770
00:27:00,279 --> 00:27:01,960
is one of us an idiot? Like, what

771
00:27:01,960 --> 00:27:04,679
is happening here? And you will somebody you

772
00:27:04,679 --> 00:27:08,039
love and cherish and respect with every fiber

773
00:27:08,039 --> 00:27:09,799
of your being will do something, and you'll

774
00:27:09,799 --> 00:27:10,299
go,

775
00:27:11,224 --> 00:27:11,884
what is

776
00:27:12,224 --> 00:27:12,724
wrong

777
00:27:13,065 --> 00:27:13,565
with

778
00:27:13,904 --> 00:27:14,404
that?

779
00:27:14,744 --> 00:27:16,765
The key is not to maybe say that.

780
00:27:17,144 --> 00:27:19,625
That's a thought to be inside thoughts. Ask

781
00:27:19,625 --> 00:27:20,684
me how I know.

782
00:27:21,785 --> 00:27:23,464
But they'll do something and you won't understand

783
00:27:23,464 --> 00:27:25,065
why they're doing it or you'll think it's

784
00:27:25,065 --> 00:27:26,639
new and it was just you never had

785
00:27:26,639 --> 00:27:28,819
the opportunity to see them do that before.

786
00:27:29,039 --> 00:27:31,440
So you could develop an opinion on why

787
00:27:31,440 --> 00:27:33,279
did they do that? Why did they act

788
00:27:33,279 --> 00:27:34,960
that way? Why did they react that way?

789
00:27:34,960 --> 00:27:37,119
Why did they behave that way? I don't

790
00:27:37,119 --> 00:27:37,940
like that.

791
00:27:38,960 --> 00:27:41,595
That's a that's a place to to start

792
00:27:41,595 --> 00:27:42,174
the conversation.

793
00:27:42,634 --> 00:27:44,634
Mhmm. I'm sure I do things you don't

794
00:27:44,634 --> 00:27:46,474
like, and you have questioned Well, you know,

795
00:27:46,474 --> 00:27:48,315
one of the one of the things I

796
00:27:48,315 --> 00:27:49,674
think I believe that,

797
00:27:51,515 --> 00:27:53,835
in the beginning Mhmm. Was a bit of

798
00:27:53,835 --> 00:27:56,894
a source of of conflict for us Mhmm.

799
00:27:58,200 --> 00:27:59,019
Was someone

800
00:27:59,640 --> 00:28:01,559
who was like, oh no that's not the

801
00:28:01,559 --> 00:28:02,759
way you do that. You have to do

802
00:28:02,759 --> 00:28:03,579
it this way.

803
00:28:07,240 --> 00:28:09,480
Yeah. And, and and it took me a

804
00:28:09,480 --> 00:28:10,220
hot minute

805
00:28:11,234 --> 00:28:12,674
to get you to realize there's,

806
00:28:14,434 --> 00:28:16,355
I'd had to have I'd had to have

807
00:28:16,355 --> 00:28:17,414
iron control

808
00:28:17,795 --> 00:28:19,494
over a life to keep it

809
00:28:19,875 --> 00:28:22,355
afloat. Yeah. And if it didn't get if

810
00:28:22,355 --> 00:28:23,394
I didn't do it the way I did

811
00:28:23,394 --> 00:28:25,441
it, it didn't get done at all. And

812
00:28:25,441 --> 00:28:27,963
that was that's real fucking hard to let

813
00:28:27,963 --> 00:28:30,205
go of. That's real fucking hard to let

814
00:28:30,205 --> 00:28:32,728
go of. It you know? Yeah. I I

815
00:28:32,728 --> 00:28:34,970
remember the first time I didn't say anything

816
00:28:34,970 --> 00:28:37,212
when you were loading a dishwasher, and then

817
00:28:37,212 --> 00:28:39,454
the dishes came out clean. And I went,

818
00:28:39,454 --> 00:28:40,234
it's fine.

819
00:28:40,694 --> 00:28:42,714
It's fine. Yeah. When I am

820
00:28:43,174 --> 00:28:45,115
All roads lead to Rome. You know?

821
00:28:47,734 --> 00:28:49,494
When I am having what I would call

822
00:28:49,494 --> 00:28:51,095
a good brain day, the mental health is

823
00:28:51,095 --> 00:28:53,069
doing mostly okay. The

824
00:28:53,470 --> 00:28:53,970
whatever

825
00:28:54,349 --> 00:28:56,529
I however I'm wired is, like,

826
00:28:56,829 --> 00:28:59,549
you know, all synapses are firing. I am

827
00:28:59,630 --> 00:29:01,549
I'm actually very laid back about that kind

828
00:29:01,549 --> 00:29:03,069
of stuff because I I see that, and

829
00:29:03,069 --> 00:29:04,509
I understand I have the the maturity to

830
00:29:04,509 --> 00:29:06,529
go, yeah. Okay. It doesn't matter that you

831
00:29:06,615 --> 00:29:08,454
do it differently than that. On a bad

832
00:29:08,454 --> 00:29:09,194
grain day,

833
00:29:10,134 --> 00:29:12,134
you would think the way the dishwasher gets

834
00:29:12,134 --> 00:29:12,634
loaded

835
00:29:13,095 --> 00:29:13,595
is

836
00:29:14,134 --> 00:29:16,535
necessary to make sure Is rocket science. To

837
00:29:16,535 --> 00:29:17,994
diffuse a bomb. Okay?

838
00:29:18,694 --> 00:29:19,500
I'm up there.

839
00:29:21,500 --> 00:29:22,000
And

840
00:29:22,460 --> 00:29:25,180
for me not to constantly feel annoyed for

841
00:29:25,180 --> 00:29:26,240
no fucking reason

842
00:29:26,619 --> 00:29:29,420
or to start an argument for no fucking

843
00:29:29,420 --> 00:29:31,019
reason because then I'm gonna be in trouble

844
00:29:31,019 --> 00:29:32,700
because I probably wasn't very respectful and I'm

845
00:29:32,700 --> 00:29:34,380
trying to be a good girl. I really

846
00:29:34,380 --> 00:29:34,845
truly

847
00:29:35,724 --> 00:29:36,944
am. I have to sometimes

848
00:29:37,244 --> 00:29:38,865
do override my own

849
00:29:39,644 --> 00:29:42,304
initial responses to stuff. I have to have

850
00:29:42,525 --> 00:29:43,025
the

851
00:29:44,044 --> 00:29:45,884
the thing in my head, the recording that

852
00:29:45,884 --> 00:29:48,660
goes, It's okay. This doesn't actually matter.

853
00:29:49,220 --> 00:29:50,359
Or, It's okay.

854
00:29:50,820 --> 00:29:53,000
It's fine. It's fine. It's

855
00:29:53,299 --> 00:29:55,700
fine. And I don't FEEL fine. The jaw

856
00:29:55,700 --> 00:29:58,099
is clenched. But I'm like, I'm literally saying,

857
00:29:58,099 --> 00:29:59,539
THIS is not a thing worthy of an

858
00:29:59,539 --> 00:30:01,964
argument that won't even matter five minutes from

859
00:30:01,964 --> 00:30:04,125
now. It literally won't matter. But did it

860
00:30:04,125 --> 00:30:05,804
take me a minute to get there? Sure

861
00:30:05,804 --> 00:30:07,404
shit took me a minute to get there.

862
00:30:07,404 --> 00:30:09,505
And of course there I am questioning,

863
00:30:09,964 --> 00:30:11,585
let's say it's the dishwasher,

864
00:30:12,204 --> 00:30:13,744
and I that point I'm questioning

865
00:30:14,525 --> 00:30:16,220
JB as a person,

866
00:30:16,759 --> 00:30:18,519
but now at because of the nature of

867
00:30:18,519 --> 00:30:20,200
our relationship, I am questioning who has a

868
00:30:20,200 --> 00:30:22,380
dom who is making decisions to do things.

869
00:30:23,160 --> 00:30:24,140
That's its own.

870
00:30:24,759 --> 00:30:27,740
That's his own conflict source. That's his, like,

871
00:30:28,119 --> 00:30:30,059
whoop. Nope. Nope. Nope.

872
00:30:31,144 --> 00:30:32,684
Nope. Okay. I've got back to my list.

873
00:30:32,825 --> 00:30:33,644
Okay. Then

874
00:30:34,585 --> 00:30:36,284
another one, two,

875
00:30:36,825 --> 00:30:38,684
that are specific to power exchange.

876
00:30:39,224 --> 00:30:40,605
There's breaking the rules.

877
00:30:41,784 --> 00:30:44,105
Typically, that's a submissive who has rules that

878
00:30:44,105 --> 00:30:46,119
they've agreed to, tasks they said they've done,

879
00:30:46,119 --> 00:30:47,880
whatever, and they don't do the thing they

880
00:30:47,880 --> 00:30:49,160
said they would do or they do the

881
00:30:49,160 --> 00:30:51,079
thing they said they wouldn't do. And your

882
00:30:51,079 --> 00:30:52,920
dog gets to have feelings about that. They

883
00:30:52,920 --> 00:30:55,559
will have feelings about that. Sometimes those feelings

884
00:30:55,559 --> 00:30:57,720
are like, okay, this is a learning opportunity.

885
00:30:57,720 --> 00:30:59,695
Let's talk about it. And sometimes it'll be

886
00:30:59,695 --> 00:31:01,375
the fifth time you've done it in some

887
00:31:01,375 --> 00:31:03,134
given amount of time, and they're like, what

888
00:31:03,134 --> 00:31:04,195
the actual fuck?

889
00:31:05,055 --> 00:31:06,355
Ask JB. He knows.

890
00:31:07,375 --> 00:31:09,555
I'm not I'm really not anymore

891
00:31:10,255 --> 00:31:12,015
bad at that. When I forget to do

892
00:31:12,015 --> 00:31:13,795
a thing or don't do a thing properly,

893
00:31:14,095 --> 00:31:15,910
you can actually see why that has happened.

894
00:31:15,910 --> 00:31:17,269
You can see everything going on around me.

895
00:31:17,269 --> 00:31:18,390
And, like, oh, there was no way her

896
00:31:18,390 --> 00:31:20,170
brain was gonna keep up with that information.

897
00:31:20,230 --> 00:31:20,730
No.

898
00:31:21,750 --> 00:31:24,309
But in the beginning, I've never purposely broken

899
00:31:24,309 --> 00:31:26,070
a rule. Like, that's not my vibe at

900
00:31:26,070 --> 00:31:28,070
all. No. But I have I have had

901
00:31:28,070 --> 00:31:30,309
my moments. How how did they they make

902
00:31:30,309 --> 00:31:31,894
you feel? How what went on in your

903
00:31:32,054 --> 00:31:33,654
what goes on in your mind when I,

904
00:31:33,654 --> 00:31:35,034
like, am the fuck up?

905
00:31:36,774 --> 00:31:39,255
I think for me, the the depending on

906
00:31:39,255 --> 00:31:40,154
what it is,

907
00:31:42,214 --> 00:31:43,355
there's the

908
00:31:44,454 --> 00:31:45,434
feeling of disappointment.

909
00:31:47,039 --> 00:31:49,140
Oh, God. I fucking hate that feel.

910
00:31:49,440 --> 00:31:50,980
I hate that. I hate it.

911
00:31:53,360 --> 00:31:56,559
Yeah. Okay. That that's that's the biggie. That's

912
00:31:56,559 --> 00:31:59,140
the biggie. Mhmm. I I would imagine

913
00:31:59,519 --> 00:32:00,615
I I have not put you in a

914
00:32:00,615 --> 00:32:01,815
situation that I know of, and I don't

915
00:32:01,815 --> 00:32:03,015
know if you've ever had a partner who

916
00:32:03,015 --> 00:32:03,515
does.

917
00:32:03,894 --> 00:32:06,855
But when it happens those first time or

918
00:32:06,855 --> 00:32:09,255
two, it's disappointment. Mhmm. But there would come

919
00:32:09,255 --> 00:32:10,455
a point where you'd be like, what the

920
00:32:10,455 --> 00:32:12,720
actual fuck? Right? Yeah. Yeah. But I I

921
00:32:12,720 --> 00:32:14,720
have not thankfully, I've not ever been in

922
00:32:14,720 --> 00:32:16,799
that situation with anybody. Mhmm.

923
00:32:17,519 --> 00:32:18,579
So I really can't

924
00:32:19,440 --> 00:32:22,079
Yeah. I think for anybody out there who's

925
00:32:22,079 --> 00:32:24,404
like, I I skipped past disappointment and I'm

926
00:32:24,404 --> 00:32:25,065
I'm just pissed

927
00:32:25,445 --> 00:32:27,924
off. That's valid. Yeah. What you do with

928
00:32:27,924 --> 00:32:30,244
that anger is what matters most. Right? Like,

929
00:32:30,244 --> 00:32:32,244
are you berating a person? Are you are

930
00:32:32,244 --> 00:32:32,744
you

931
00:32:33,285 --> 00:32:34,105
making them,

932
00:32:34,644 --> 00:32:37,045
feel bad? Are you causing shame? Or are

933
00:32:37,045 --> 00:32:37,705
you using

934
00:32:38,410 --> 00:32:39,150
your adult

935
00:32:39,529 --> 00:32:41,309
self to have an adult conversation

936
00:32:42,170 --> 00:32:44,269
about what the hell is going on? Right?

937
00:32:44,410 --> 00:32:46,570
The other half, this can be either dom

938
00:32:46,570 --> 00:32:48,250
or sub, but it happens

939
00:32:49,529 --> 00:32:51,325
I see it more often with doms, and

940
00:32:51,325 --> 00:32:52,465
that's breaking promises.

941
00:32:53,485 --> 00:32:55,404
I'll text you. I'll call you. We'll do

942
00:32:55,404 --> 00:32:57,164
this. Now subs can be that way too

943
00:32:57,164 --> 00:32:58,605
where they say they do a thing, and

944
00:32:58,605 --> 00:32:59,825
then they don't do it.

945
00:33:00,445 --> 00:33:02,065
In the course of Power Exchange,

946
00:33:02,765 --> 00:33:04,605
it tends to be from what I've seen

947
00:33:04,605 --> 00:33:06,545
from the outside looking in for other folks.

948
00:33:06,970 --> 00:33:08,649
It's with a rule or a task, whereas

949
00:33:08,649 --> 00:33:10,169
for a dom, it's a thing I said

950
00:33:10,169 --> 00:33:10,990
I would do,

951
00:33:11,369 --> 00:33:12,970
I'll be your fucking dom. I'll be the

952
00:33:12,970 --> 00:33:14,970
dominant. And then you just fucking don't. Guess

953
00:33:14,970 --> 00:33:16,649
what? You keep saying you're gonna do a

954
00:33:16,649 --> 00:33:17,929
thing and then you don't fucking do a

955
00:33:17,929 --> 00:33:20,490
thing first, you're losing the person's losing trust

956
00:33:20,490 --> 00:33:21,470
and faith in you.

957
00:33:23,025 --> 00:33:24,005
Big. Huge.

958
00:33:24,384 --> 00:33:24,884
Second,

959
00:33:25,825 --> 00:33:27,744
now they're having their feelings about it. And

960
00:33:27,744 --> 00:33:29,585
I don't know. Will those feelings be sad?

961
00:33:29,585 --> 00:33:31,424
Will they be disappointment? Will they be anger?

962
00:33:31,424 --> 00:33:32,404
Will they be frustration?

963
00:33:33,664 --> 00:33:34,720
I don't know what they'll feel, feel, but

964
00:33:34,720 --> 00:33:37,200
they're gonna feel something. Sure. Because you you

965
00:33:37,200 --> 00:33:39,680
know, there's there's expectations that haven't been met.

966
00:33:39,680 --> 00:33:41,940
Mhmm. Mhmm. K. Yep.

967
00:33:42,320 --> 00:33:44,640
You know, and there's yeah. Yeah. I mean,

968
00:33:44,640 --> 00:33:46,720
you you are whether you mean to or

969
00:33:46,720 --> 00:33:47,039
not

970
00:33:47,680 --> 00:33:48,180
and

971
00:33:48,640 --> 00:33:50,585
there are solutions to this. Right? Like, Like,

972
00:33:50,585 --> 00:33:52,585
everybody's human. It happens to people. Right? Like,

973
00:33:52,585 --> 00:33:53,704
you say you'll do a thing and then

974
00:33:53,704 --> 00:33:54,765
something comes up.

975
00:33:55,144 --> 00:33:57,164
But do it often enough and

976
00:33:58,184 --> 00:34:00,424
they lost faith in you. Right. You're eroding

977
00:34:00,424 --> 00:34:02,765
that. Yeah. There's there's the thing, you know.

978
00:34:03,190 --> 00:34:05,769
Life does happen. There are times things

979
00:34:06,470 --> 00:34:08,730
happen that are out of your control. Yep.

980
00:34:08,869 --> 00:34:10,489
But when it becomes

981
00:34:10,789 --> 00:34:14,489
a constant thing Mhmm. Then then there's problems

982
00:34:14,550 --> 00:34:16,809
because yeah. Then then you're eroding that trust

983
00:34:17,045 --> 00:34:17,945
that you built,

984
00:34:19,605 --> 00:34:20,344
you know,

985
00:34:20,965 --> 00:34:22,025
the the responsibility

986
00:34:23,045 --> 00:34:25,285
of being big d. Mhmm. You know? So

987
00:34:25,285 --> 00:34:26,724
so there's a lot of things that are

988
00:34:27,204 --> 00:34:27,704
Yeah.

989
00:34:28,244 --> 00:34:30,965
You are wrapped up in all that. You

990
00:34:30,965 --> 00:34:32,184
are eroding somebody's

991
00:34:32,940 --> 00:34:34,900
ability to believe you are who you say

992
00:34:34,900 --> 00:34:36,159
you are. Mhmm. Now

993
00:34:36,699 --> 00:34:38,780
the key to that, if something's happening that

994
00:34:38,780 --> 00:34:41,339
is beyond your control, and is the most

995
00:34:41,339 --> 00:34:42,859
boring answer and the one we give every

996
00:34:42,859 --> 00:34:43,679
time, it's communication.

997
00:34:43,980 --> 00:34:46,635
It's communication as soon as possible before, during,

998
00:34:46,635 --> 00:34:47,135
after.

999
00:34:47,515 --> 00:34:49,994
It is being upfront with there are times

1000
00:34:49,994 --> 00:34:52,094
in my life that my job

1001
00:34:52,954 --> 00:34:54,394
I I got I got custody of a

1002
00:34:54,394 --> 00:34:56,315
kid and I gotta be a parent. My

1003
00:34:56,315 --> 00:34:58,175
health, my whatever whatever.

1004
00:35:00,235 --> 00:35:01,980
This could get in the way and here's

1005
00:35:01,980 --> 00:35:03,500
here's what I'd like us to do about

1006
00:35:03,500 --> 00:35:05,340
it. And this is now it's a problem

1007
00:35:05,340 --> 00:35:07,739
solving thing between the two of you. How

1008
00:35:07,739 --> 00:35:08,320
do you

1009
00:35:08,940 --> 00:35:11,820
maintain the responsibilities that you have agreed to

1010
00:35:11,820 --> 00:35:12,639
take on

1011
00:35:13,260 --> 00:35:15,019
while allowing yourself to be the full fucking

1012
00:35:15,019 --> 00:35:16,960
human you are, which means that sometimes

1013
00:35:17,324 --> 00:35:19,085
other things have to take some level of

1014
00:35:19,085 --> 00:35:19,585
priority

1015
00:35:20,204 --> 00:35:21,025
while also,

1016
00:35:21,885 --> 00:35:23,585
you know, not letting down

1017
00:35:24,525 --> 00:35:26,925
your partner. And it's a tough balancing act

1018
00:35:26,925 --> 00:35:29,744
when there's like shit going on. Quite frankly,

1019
00:35:30,844 --> 00:35:33,230
reasonable people just wanna fucking know what's going

1020
00:35:33,230 --> 00:35:33,730
on.

1021
00:35:34,190 --> 00:35:36,449
Reasonable people can be very understanding

1022
00:35:36,909 --> 00:35:38,829
if in all other ways you're mostly doing

1023
00:35:38,829 --> 00:35:40,190
the things you say you'll do and there's

1024
00:35:40,190 --> 00:35:42,109
this one thing where there's a problem. So

1025
00:35:42,109 --> 00:35:44,109
sometimes you find out it's an incompatibility. This

1026
00:35:44,109 --> 00:35:45,949
is like, I need this thing that you

1027
00:35:45,949 --> 00:35:46,929
cannot do consistently.

1028
00:35:47,445 --> 00:35:47,945
That

1029
00:35:48,405 --> 00:35:50,485
happens. Sometimes they're like, oh, well, maybe we

1030
00:35:50,485 --> 00:35:51,844
can get creative together and there are other

1031
00:35:51,844 --> 00:35:52,744
ways to

1032
00:35:53,045 --> 00:35:55,045
do this thing or there's other things that

1033
00:35:55,045 --> 00:35:56,485
we can do instead of this thing you

1034
00:35:56,485 --> 00:35:58,565
can't but if you were just saying you'll

1035
00:35:58,565 --> 00:36:00,210
do a thing and not doing it over

1036
00:36:00,210 --> 00:36:02,610
over, there's everybody has their own personal breaking

1037
00:36:02,610 --> 00:36:03,110
point.

1038
00:36:03,570 --> 00:36:04,050
I'm,

1039
00:36:04,369 --> 00:36:05,969
you get one or two chances with me.

1040
00:36:05,969 --> 00:36:07,809
You really do. Because I just don't trust

1041
00:36:07,809 --> 00:36:09,409
easily. And once I don't feel like I

1042
00:36:09,409 --> 00:36:10,769
can trust you to do the thing you

1043
00:36:10,769 --> 00:36:11,684
said you would do,

1044
00:36:12,244 --> 00:36:14,344
what am I here for? Like, there's nothing

1045
00:36:15,285 --> 00:36:16,965
nuh. It's real hard to get my trust

1046
00:36:16,965 --> 00:36:19,125
back once it's gone. Other people have a

1047
00:36:19,125 --> 00:36:21,525
longer a bigger threshold than that. They can

1048
00:36:21,525 --> 00:36:22,025
handle

1049
00:36:22,405 --> 00:36:24,724
are are willing to handle multiple times or

1050
00:36:24,724 --> 00:36:26,460
whatever whatever. Cool. Cool.

1051
00:36:26,940 --> 00:36:27,440
But

1052
00:36:27,980 --> 00:36:29,980
yeah. That you know? And I think when

1053
00:36:29,980 --> 00:36:32,059
you break your promise, somebody's gonna somebody might

1054
00:36:32,139 --> 00:36:33,820
their response might be to be very sad.

1055
00:36:33,820 --> 00:36:36,139
Somebody's gonna be pissed off. Somebody's gonna just

1056
00:36:36,139 --> 00:36:38,699
be disappointed. Somebody's gonna be resentful because they're

1057
00:36:38,699 --> 00:36:40,059
keeping up with the stuff they said they

1058
00:36:40,059 --> 00:36:41,625
would do. Right? There's lots of things

1059
00:36:42,505 --> 00:36:44,684
that are felt in conflict. Right?

1060
00:36:45,704 --> 00:36:46,985
Let me see on my list. Did I

1061
00:36:46,985 --> 00:36:49,485
have anything else that I felt was specific

1062
00:36:50,105 --> 00:36:52,264
to power exchange? No. All these other things

1063
00:36:52,264 --> 00:36:53,005
can happen

1064
00:36:53,465 --> 00:36:54,844
in so many ways in

1065
00:36:55,784 --> 00:36:58,449
in relationships. So let's start with not listening

1066
00:36:58,449 --> 00:37:00,230
to your partner. And I don't mean

1067
00:37:00,769 --> 00:37:03,010
for subs, this could be your Dom told

1068
00:37:03,010 --> 00:37:04,869
you to do something and you just didn't.

1069
00:37:05,090 --> 00:37:07,090
I put that kind of under the what

1070
00:37:07,090 --> 00:37:08,449
a sub does or doesn't do that they're

1071
00:37:08,449 --> 00:37:10,284
kind of not supposed to because I told

1072
00:37:10,284 --> 00:37:11,644
you to do something. The agreement was you'll

1073
00:37:11,644 --> 00:37:13,085
do what I tell you to do. Now

1074
00:37:13,485 --> 00:37:15,244
but, like, sometimes there's just not the not

1075
00:37:15,244 --> 00:37:17,324
listening because you're so stuck in your own

1076
00:37:17,324 --> 00:37:19,965
fucking head about what you're thinking about and

1077
00:37:19,965 --> 00:37:22,605
what what you're mad about and what you

1078
00:37:22,605 --> 00:37:24,650
wanna bring to this discussion and what's got

1079
00:37:24,650 --> 00:37:27,050
you kinda pissed off that you just you

1080
00:37:27,050 --> 00:37:29,450
aren't listening. Or your partner is trying to

1081
00:37:29,450 --> 00:37:31,610
tell you something deep and meaningful and you're

1082
00:37:31,769 --> 00:37:33,210
you will not focus on them. You will

1083
00:37:33,210 --> 00:37:35,390
not give them that care and attention.

1084
00:37:35,769 --> 00:37:37,284
I would tell oh, my mic. I would

1085
00:37:37,284 --> 00:37:39,125
tell a person who just who they're trying

1086
00:37:39,125 --> 00:37:40,644
to tell their partner something to be meaningful

1087
00:37:40,644 --> 00:37:42,244
and they don't have their partner's full fucking

1088
00:37:42,244 --> 00:37:44,105
attention to save the time for that conversation.

1089
00:37:44,405 --> 00:37:46,265
And or you're gonna have to say to

1090
00:37:46,644 --> 00:37:47,258
make it clear that this is serious. And

1091
00:37:47,258 --> 00:37:47,329
if they cannot give you their focus and

1092
00:37:47,329 --> 00:37:48,114
attention, you you are gonna go,

1093
00:37:48,420 --> 00:37:50,917
serious. And if they cannot give you their

1094
00:37:50,917 --> 00:37:53,159
focus and attention, you you're gonna go that's

1095
00:37:53,380 --> 00:37:55,460
like this this moment is over. Maybe not

1096
00:37:55,460 --> 00:37:57,940
the relationship, but the moment's over. But if

1097
00:37:57,940 --> 00:37:59,559
you agreed to have this deep

1098
00:37:59,859 --> 00:38:01,855
conversation and this person is trying to to

1099
00:38:01,855 --> 00:38:03,375
tell you something that they feel like you

1100
00:38:03,375 --> 00:38:04,275
need to know,

1101
00:38:04,815 --> 00:38:07,375
and you're just clocked out, and you're not

1102
00:38:07,375 --> 00:38:10,094
admitting you're clocked out, or you're pretending to

1103
00:38:10,094 --> 00:38:10,594
listen,

1104
00:38:11,135 --> 00:38:13,454
whoo. So they're gonna find out. They're always

1105
00:38:13,454 --> 00:38:14,739
gonna find out. Do not not think you

1106
00:38:14,739 --> 00:38:16,760
can fake your way out of there

1107
00:38:17,300 --> 00:38:17,800
because,

1108
00:38:18,099 --> 00:38:20,099
you know, you're gonna repeat the behavior that

1109
00:38:20,099 --> 00:38:21,219
they were trying to talk to you about

1110
00:38:21,219 --> 00:38:22,739
before or you're not gonna do the thing

1111
00:38:22,739 --> 00:38:25,860
that they you, without listening to, agreed to

1112
00:38:25,860 --> 00:38:26,360
do

1113
00:38:26,739 --> 00:38:29,114
or, you know, something's gonna be repeated that

1114
00:38:29,114 --> 00:38:31,695
shouldn't have been repeat. Something's gonna fucking happen

1115
00:38:31,755 --> 00:38:33,835
that shows you did not listen. So in

1116
00:38:33,835 --> 00:38:35,434
the moment, if they can't tell you're not

1117
00:38:35,434 --> 00:38:36,875
listening, it might not be a source of

1118
00:38:36,875 --> 00:38:39,195
conflict. But later, when they fucking figure it

1119
00:38:39,195 --> 00:38:40,255
out Mhmm.

1120
00:38:40,875 --> 00:38:42,389
Oh my god. How many of us have

1121
00:38:42,389 --> 00:38:43,130
had relationships,

1122
00:38:43,510 --> 00:38:45,670
kinky and non kinky, where we're like, did

1123
00:38:45,670 --> 00:38:47,190
you did you hear a word of what

1124
00:38:47,190 --> 00:38:48,789
I said? Did you even care? Because when

1125
00:38:48,789 --> 00:38:51,030
you're not listening, it's just this is what

1126
00:38:51,030 --> 00:38:52,710
sucks for those of us who struggle to

1127
00:38:52,710 --> 00:38:54,949
maintain focus. I did not always used to

1128
00:38:54,949 --> 00:38:56,309
be like this. I'm very much like this

1129
00:38:56,309 --> 00:38:59,054
now. Your lack of focus because your brain's

1130
00:38:59,054 --> 00:39:00,255
just like, I can't do it. I can't

1131
00:39:00,255 --> 00:39:00,914
do it.

1132
00:39:01,215 --> 00:39:03,375
Looks like not caring to a partner if,

1133
00:39:03,375 --> 00:39:05,934
and again, you're not communicating what the fuck

1134
00:39:05,934 --> 00:39:07,215
is going on with you. Do you wanna

1135
00:39:07,215 --> 00:39:09,215
know how much conflict can be resolved before

1136
00:39:09,215 --> 00:39:11,250
it happens with a little bit of, like,

1137
00:39:11,809 --> 00:39:13,329
let me just be clear with you and

1138
00:39:13,329 --> 00:39:15,030
honest with you and tell you a thing.

1139
00:39:17,650 --> 00:39:20,050
It's usually we don't have the conversations till

1140
00:39:20,050 --> 00:39:21,989
after we have pissed each other up

1141
00:39:22,769 --> 00:39:24,610
because I I mean, JB has had to

1142
00:39:24,610 --> 00:39:25,750
relearn. We've been together

1143
00:39:26,050 --> 00:39:28,094
we've known each other fourteen years now almost.

1144
00:39:28,094 --> 00:39:29,635
Yeah. Been together thirteen.

1145
00:39:30,335 --> 00:39:32,175
He's had to relearn me. I don't always

1146
00:39:32,255 --> 00:39:33,614
he has to know that he has my

1147
00:39:33,614 --> 00:39:34,114
focus

1148
00:39:34,494 --> 00:39:35,934
because it will look like I don't give

1149
00:39:35,934 --> 00:39:38,014
a fuck and actually my brain is playing

1150
00:39:38,014 --> 00:39:39,614
a song in the background and that's all

1151
00:39:39,614 --> 00:39:40,440
I can fucking hear.

1152
00:39:41,159 --> 00:39:42,679
I wasn't always like that. I used to

1153
00:39:42,679 --> 00:39:44,199
hang on every fucking word he said to

1154
00:39:44,199 --> 00:39:45,960
the point he was like, okay. That's a

1155
00:39:45,960 --> 00:39:46,699
little intense.

1156
00:39:47,159 --> 00:39:49,260
Could you back off? And now I'm like,

1157
00:39:49,319 --> 00:39:51,319
oh, I'm sorry. And yet I've become the

1158
00:39:51,319 --> 00:39:53,559
same way too Mhmm. To a certain extent

1159
00:39:53,559 --> 00:39:56,144
because I can get so wrapped up in

1160
00:39:56,144 --> 00:39:58,704
what I'm doing, and I'm maybe even five

1161
00:39:58,704 --> 00:39:59,844
or six steps ahead.

1162
00:40:00,224 --> 00:40:02,565
So We created a sick a sim

1163
00:40:03,824 --> 00:40:05,664
a key word Mhmm. For him so that

1164
00:40:05,664 --> 00:40:06,625
I knew that I could talk to him

1165
00:40:06,625 --> 00:40:08,144
when he was focused. Because we did have

1166
00:40:08,144 --> 00:40:10,250
points of of contention between us because I

1167
00:40:10,250 --> 00:40:11,690
would start talking and I thought I had

1168
00:40:11,690 --> 00:40:13,849
his attention and he clearly was not listening

1169
00:40:13,849 --> 00:40:15,289
to me. And if if I go It

1170
00:40:15,289 --> 00:40:16,269
was not good.

1171
00:40:17,369 --> 00:40:18,269
If I focus,

1172
00:40:18,809 --> 00:40:20,730
you I mean, you know, if I focus

1173
00:40:20,730 --> 00:40:21,389
on something,

1174
00:40:21,690 --> 00:40:24,349
nothing else is it exists around me anymore.

1175
00:40:24,409 --> 00:40:25,744
Yeah. And I can, you know, I can

1176
00:40:25,744 --> 00:40:27,905
sometimes have that, but mostly, it's whatever tab

1177
00:40:27,905 --> 00:40:30,224
on my brain have is playing music as

1178
00:40:30,224 --> 00:40:32,224
well. So what we did was if I

1179
00:40:32,224 --> 00:40:33,344
needed to talk to him and I was

1180
00:40:33,344 --> 00:40:35,105
like, this is not a passing thing. This

1181
00:40:35,105 --> 00:40:36,545
is this is the thing I'm I meet

1182
00:40:36,625 --> 00:40:38,244
I need your focus for.

1183
00:40:38,545 --> 00:40:39,364
I would go

1184
00:40:40,089 --> 00:40:42,010
green light, and then the question, is your

1185
00:40:42,010 --> 00:40:43,609
green light on? Which would be go, which

1186
00:40:43,609 --> 00:40:45,530
would be Mhmm. You have my focus. And

1187
00:40:45,530 --> 00:40:47,690
sometimes and, look, the baby girl in me

1188
00:40:47,690 --> 00:40:49,130
did not like to hear that, no. His

1189
00:40:49,130 --> 00:40:50,569
green light was not on. I needed to

1190
00:40:50,569 --> 00:40:52,569
wait a minute. Okay? But it was on

1191
00:40:52,569 --> 00:40:54,329
us. She would go, not yet. Give me

1192
00:40:54,329 --> 00:40:56,565
a few minutes. Now it was on both

1193
00:40:56,565 --> 00:40:58,744
of us to actually make sure that that

1194
00:40:58,885 --> 00:41:00,265
give me a few minutes happened.

1195
00:41:00,885 --> 00:41:02,804
You know, I didn't I had to remember

1196
00:41:02,804 --> 00:41:04,164
that there was a thing I wanted to

1197
00:41:04,164 --> 00:41:06,405
tell him, which it's very dangerous now. I

1198
00:41:06,405 --> 00:41:08,644
might forget the very important thing I wanted

1199
00:41:08,644 --> 00:41:09,545
to tell him,

1200
00:41:09,925 --> 00:41:11,869
which does fucking suck.

1201
00:41:12,250 --> 00:41:14,489
Back then, if he had just wandered off

1202
00:41:14,489 --> 00:41:16,809
after those few minutes and forgotten that I

1203
00:41:16,809 --> 00:41:18,170
was sitting over here waiting to talk to

1204
00:41:18,170 --> 00:41:19,929
him, it would have hurt my feelings. Mhmm.

1205
00:41:19,929 --> 00:41:21,210
The first time, I probably would have laughed

1206
00:41:21,210 --> 00:41:22,569
it off. Second or third time, I'd have

1207
00:41:22,569 --> 00:41:24,250
been like, what the fuck? So we both

1208
00:41:24,250 --> 00:41:26,144
had our responsibilities in that to make sure

1209
00:41:26,144 --> 00:41:28,804
we came back to it. But creating

1210
00:41:29,265 --> 00:41:31,284
that system so that I knew

1211
00:41:32,065 --> 00:41:33,905
I had his full attention, I could tell

1212
00:41:33,905 --> 00:41:35,824
him whatever I needed to tell him, and

1213
00:41:35,824 --> 00:41:38,065
we went from there. But any even now,

1214
00:41:38,065 --> 00:41:39,505
anytime I've ever tried to talk to him

1215
00:41:39,505 --> 00:41:40,650
without his full attention,

1216
00:41:41,529 --> 00:41:43,869
I get very fresh I get very frustrated.

1217
00:41:45,769 --> 00:41:48,969
Probably in an outsized manner. It's probably too

1218
00:41:48,969 --> 00:41:50,650
big of a reaction for what it is.

1219
00:41:50,650 --> 00:41:51,789
That's on me.

1220
00:41:52,650 --> 00:41:53,150
But,

1221
00:41:53,555 --> 00:41:54,215
you know,

1222
00:41:54,755 --> 00:41:56,355
we haven't had to use the green light

1223
00:41:56,355 --> 00:41:57,795
thing in a while, but I've become more

1224
00:41:57,795 --> 00:41:58,295
observant.

1225
00:41:58,595 --> 00:42:00,114
Now that he's got hearing aids, that's been

1226
00:42:00,114 --> 00:42:02,215
the hardest part with the listening thing.

1227
00:42:03,315 --> 00:42:04,914
Now that he's got his hearing aids, I

1228
00:42:04,914 --> 00:42:05,250
have to be

1229
00:42:07,250 --> 00:42:07,380
able to read is is there something on

1230
00:42:07,380 --> 00:42:08,929
his phone playing directly into his ears? Because

1231
00:42:08,929 --> 00:42:10,369
he can't he's not hearing me. He's hearing

1232
00:42:10,369 --> 00:42:11,969
what's ever in his ears. Then I also

1233
00:42:11,969 --> 00:42:13,329
have to be aware. Did he just take

1234
00:42:13,329 --> 00:42:15,090
his hearing aids out? He can't hear anything,

1235
00:42:15,090 --> 00:42:17,030
especially if I'm on the bad ear side.

1236
00:42:17,650 --> 00:42:19,650
Right? And so I have to be more

1237
00:42:19,650 --> 00:42:22,625
patient with myself and with him Mhmm. Because

1238
00:42:22,844 --> 00:42:24,925
those are those are things that are are

1239
00:42:24,925 --> 00:42:26,545
gonna make it harder to,

1240
00:42:27,085 --> 00:42:28,925
for him to even hear me let alone

1241
00:42:28,925 --> 00:42:31,025
listen. Right? And I I know for me,

1242
00:42:31,324 --> 00:42:31,985
you know,

1243
00:42:32,525 --> 00:42:35,405
I know for me, you know, having hearing

1244
00:42:35,405 --> 00:42:36,465
aids has been

1245
00:42:37,460 --> 00:42:39,059
amazing. I'm so we went into debt for

1246
00:42:39,059 --> 00:42:40,279
it and I have no

1247
00:42:40,739 --> 00:42:42,500
I'm not upset about that debt. And and

1248
00:42:42,500 --> 00:42:44,739
and Worth every penny. And nor am I.

1249
00:42:44,739 --> 00:42:47,219
Right. Okay. Because it it brought things back

1250
00:42:47,219 --> 00:42:48,980
to me that I didn't even realize had

1251
00:42:48,980 --> 00:42:49,480
been

1252
00:42:50,179 --> 00:42:51,079
slipping away.

1253
00:42:51,380 --> 00:42:53,714
It it has been a double edged sword

1254
00:42:53,714 --> 00:42:54,295
though because

1255
00:42:54,994 --> 00:42:56,614
the the new hearing

1256
00:42:57,074 --> 00:42:57,734
aids connect

1257
00:42:58,275 --> 00:42:58,775
to

1258
00:42:59,074 --> 00:43:00,694
a lot of them to the phones. Mhmm.

1259
00:43:01,074 --> 00:43:01,574
And

1260
00:43:01,954 --> 00:43:03,894
if there's something on the phone playing

1261
00:43:04,275 --> 00:43:06,929
Right. You're not gonna you're not gonna hear

1262
00:43:07,089 --> 00:43:08,849
anything coming out of my phone anymore because

1263
00:43:08,849 --> 00:43:11,329
it's all piping into my ears directly. Right.

1264
00:43:11,329 --> 00:43:13,250
And so that that's it's both a good

1265
00:43:13,250 --> 00:43:15,409
thing and a bad thing. Mhmm. And I

1266
00:43:15,409 --> 00:43:17,829
I found myself getting so frustrated,

1267
00:43:19,425 --> 00:43:21,364
unfairly because you weren't doing anything wrong.

1268
00:43:21,664 --> 00:43:23,425
It it's just a limitation of the fact

1269
00:43:23,425 --> 00:43:26,324
that your ears are artificial at this point.

1270
00:43:27,025 --> 00:43:28,164
Bionic. Bionic.

1271
00:43:29,184 --> 00:43:30,485
That I felt

1272
00:43:30,785 --> 00:43:32,519
my response was I'm not saying anybody else

1273
00:43:32,519 --> 00:43:33,960
has to respond the way I responded, but

1274
00:43:33,960 --> 00:43:35,480
my response was to be the one to

1275
00:43:35,480 --> 00:43:36,860
pay attention. Right?

1276
00:43:37,640 --> 00:43:39,179
I am getting annoyed at JB

1277
00:43:39,480 --> 00:43:41,640
for a thing that is through no fault

1278
00:43:41,640 --> 00:43:42,539
of his own.

1279
00:43:42,840 --> 00:43:45,344
So I could keep getting angry or annoyed

1280
00:43:45,344 --> 00:43:47,844
or cranky about a thing he can't control,

1281
00:43:48,465 --> 00:43:51,264
or I could just pay closer attention and

1282
00:43:51,264 --> 00:43:52,625
try to have a sense of humor about

1283
00:43:52,625 --> 00:43:54,385
it when it doesn't matter. Yeah, I still

1284
00:43:54,385 --> 00:43:56,304
misread and I still don't see it. On

1285
00:43:56,304 --> 00:43:58,224
the flip side, I don't have the ability

1286
00:43:58,224 --> 00:43:59,869
to focus the way I used to. I've

1287
00:43:59,869 --> 00:44:02,510
gotten better at admitting when I lost focus

1288
00:44:02,510 --> 00:44:03,950
and I have to go, I'm so sorry.

1289
00:44:03,950 --> 00:44:05,469
I need you to rewind that back. Can

1290
00:44:05,469 --> 00:44:06,530
you tell me again?

1291
00:44:06,829 --> 00:44:07,329
Because

1292
00:44:08,590 --> 00:44:09,090
typically,

1293
00:44:09,469 --> 00:44:11,550
if I am locked eyes with JB, I

1294
00:44:11,710 --> 00:44:13,410
I'm I'm listening. I'm focusing.

1295
00:44:14,494 --> 00:44:15,315
But not always.

1296
00:44:15,695 --> 00:44:17,775
Not always. Because sometimes you get caught up

1297
00:44:17,775 --> 00:44:19,375
in okay. Am I am I staring at

1298
00:44:19,375 --> 00:44:21,454
the person correctly? Or, oh, look. There's this

1299
00:44:21,454 --> 00:44:23,074
thing over his head. We should probably

1300
00:44:23,695 --> 00:44:25,135
I didn't I used to be able to,

1301
00:44:25,135 --> 00:44:25,635
like,

1302
00:44:25,934 --> 00:44:27,795
hold on to control of my focus.

1303
00:44:28,559 --> 00:44:30,880
My mind was a steel trap. Like, I

1304
00:44:30,880 --> 00:44:32,400
was there was also the

1305
00:44:32,800 --> 00:44:34,960
I'm so desperately loving JB, and I'm gonna

1306
00:44:34,960 --> 00:44:36,320
try to be the best ever, and this

1307
00:44:36,320 --> 00:44:37,680
is the best relationship I've ever been. And

1308
00:44:37,680 --> 00:44:39,599
he gets all of my attention. And he

1309
00:44:39,599 --> 00:44:41,280
is the best relationship I've ever been in.

1310
00:44:41,280 --> 00:44:43,039
And I do love JB so much, but

1311
00:44:43,039 --> 00:44:45,335
also there comes a time, I think, when

1312
00:44:45,335 --> 00:44:45,835
sometimes

1313
00:44:46,214 --> 00:44:46,954
you just

1314
00:44:47,255 --> 00:44:47,994
I don't know.

1315
00:44:48,614 --> 00:44:51,335
Like, that starry eyed version of me, she

1316
00:44:51,335 --> 00:44:52,554
is tired. She

1317
00:44:53,734 --> 00:44:55,734
she's trying to take a nap. This version

1318
00:44:55,734 --> 00:44:56,394
of me,

1319
00:44:57,719 --> 00:44:59,340
the the very unmasked,

1320
00:44:59,800 --> 00:45:02,380
feels very safe Mhmm. Is

1321
00:45:02,920 --> 00:45:03,659
a gremlin.

1322
00:45:04,599 --> 00:45:05,099
Version

1323
00:45:06,679 --> 00:45:08,699
does not is not having that.

1324
00:45:09,159 --> 00:45:12,234
And so I allow myself to feel annoyance,

1325
00:45:12,234 --> 00:45:14,715
but I also my point is Mhmm. I'm

1326
00:45:14,715 --> 00:45:16,494
not always listening like I should be.

1327
00:45:17,514 --> 00:45:19,594
I've had to apologize for that before. I've

1328
00:45:19,755 --> 00:45:22,234
it's it it I feel shitty when I'm

1329
00:45:22,234 --> 00:45:24,150
like, this man was just, like, baring his

1330
00:45:24,150 --> 00:45:26,549
fucking soul, and I couldn't tell you the

1331
00:45:26,549 --> 00:45:29,030
last three sentences he just said because my

1332
00:45:29,030 --> 00:45:29,849
mind wandered.

1333
00:45:30,549 --> 00:45:32,230
That's been on me to have to sort

1334
00:45:32,230 --> 00:45:32,809
of relearn

1335
00:45:33,670 --> 00:45:35,369
how to maintain my own focus.

1336
00:45:36,114 --> 00:45:38,114
But whether it's a you don't give a

1337
00:45:38,114 --> 00:45:39,635
fuck, and if you don't give a fuck

1338
00:45:39,635 --> 00:45:41,075
enough to listen to your partner, what are

1339
00:45:41,075 --> 00:45:43,075
we doing here? Or if there is a

1340
00:45:43,075 --> 00:45:45,315
thing that is impeding you from being able

1341
00:45:45,315 --> 00:45:47,155
to listen at the drop of a hat,

1342
00:45:47,155 --> 00:45:47,974
like, you need

1343
00:45:48,355 --> 00:45:50,275
you need a a signal to let you

1344
00:45:50,275 --> 00:45:53,219
know, okay. Focus here, or you know that

1345
00:45:53,219 --> 00:45:55,300
your mind can wander. Those things are not

1346
00:45:55,300 --> 00:45:57,539
your fault. You're not a bad person because

1347
00:45:57,539 --> 00:45:59,219
there's a thing that makes it harder for

1348
00:45:59,219 --> 00:46:00,840
you to listen. But if you know

1349
00:46:01,219 --> 00:46:02,840
that is a source of conflict

1350
00:46:03,795 --> 00:46:05,714
and you know you struggle with it, it

1351
00:46:05,714 --> 00:46:08,434
is ideally between you and your partner to

1352
00:46:08,434 --> 00:46:10,434
figure out how do we work around this.

1353
00:46:10,434 --> 00:46:12,034
How do we make sure that this isn't

1354
00:46:12,034 --> 00:46:15,094
a source of conflict and contention between us.

1355
00:46:15,394 --> 00:46:17,860
I am learning that very late in life.

1356
00:46:18,160 --> 00:46:19,840
I mean, I don't know. Maybe I just

1357
00:46:19,840 --> 00:46:20,900
spent a lot of time

1358
00:46:21,280 --> 00:46:23,219
pretending I listened and I got lucky,

1359
00:46:23,599 --> 00:46:25,140
or maybe I just

1360
00:46:25,599 --> 00:46:26,900
was, like, weirdly

1361
00:46:27,440 --> 00:46:29,519
hyper focused when I knew I needed to

1362
00:46:29,519 --> 00:46:31,215
be paying attention. I don't know what it

1363
00:46:31,215 --> 00:46:32,894
was. I just don't have it the same

1364
00:46:32,894 --> 00:46:34,114
way I used to.

1365
00:46:34,414 --> 00:46:36,414
I just don't. And I don't like how

1366
00:46:36,414 --> 00:46:37,715
it feels. It sucks.

1367
00:46:38,655 --> 00:46:40,914
Especially if JB looks disappointed

1368
00:46:41,295 --> 00:46:43,855
in me because that's what he's feeling if

1369
00:46:43,855 --> 00:46:45,775
he realizes I did not listen to him

1370
00:46:45,775 --> 00:46:47,420
and I didn't take in what he was

1371
00:46:47,420 --> 00:46:48,940
trying to tell me and I didn't give

1372
00:46:48,940 --> 00:46:50,720
him as my attention and

1373
00:46:51,260 --> 00:46:52,780
I don't want him to feel disappointed in

1374
00:46:52,780 --> 00:46:54,559
me. I don't like how that feels.

1375
00:46:55,099 --> 00:46:56,700
So that is a source of there's so

1376
00:46:56,700 --> 00:46:59,280
many y'all. That's a source of conflict. Stress.

1377
00:46:59,579 --> 00:47:01,925
We've We've done entire episodes, so many episodes

1378
00:47:01,925 --> 00:47:04,425
on stress. Stress will fuck up. Oh, yeah.

1379
00:47:05,285 --> 00:47:06,025
Your life,

1380
00:47:06,965 --> 00:47:07,465
including

1381
00:47:08,885 --> 00:47:09,785
how you handle

1382
00:47:10,565 --> 00:47:13,525
any sort of, like, small small or big

1383
00:47:13,525 --> 00:47:14,025
discomfort

1384
00:47:14,405 --> 00:47:15,859
or bone of

1385
00:47:16,239 --> 00:47:17,380
contention or misunderstanding.

1386
00:47:17,839 --> 00:47:19,679
That, you know, that's and and that's the

1387
00:47:19,679 --> 00:47:22,659
thing with stress. Oh. Okay. You know stress

1388
00:47:23,440 --> 00:47:25,940
stress in and of itself is is horrible.

1389
00:47:26,000 --> 00:47:29,219
So bad. But stress has this magic ability

1390
00:47:29,679 --> 00:47:30,179
to

1391
00:47:31,175 --> 00:47:32,394
take a molehill

1392
00:47:33,655 --> 00:47:35,655
and turn it into a mountain. Yes. Everything

1393
00:47:35,655 --> 00:47:38,855
feels bigger. Yeah. Mhmm. Mhmm. Because what stress

1394
00:47:38,855 --> 00:47:40,715
does to your body and your mind. Right.

1395
00:47:41,014 --> 00:47:42,394
You know, and it'll be

1396
00:47:43,175 --> 00:47:45,175
it'll be whatever stress you're going through. You

1397
00:47:45,175 --> 00:47:47,920
know, we have we are still kind of

1398
00:47:47,920 --> 00:47:50,579
finishing up running the gauntlet of financial stress.

1399
00:47:50,960 --> 00:47:53,280
You know, worrying about keeping a roof over

1400
00:47:53,280 --> 00:47:55,119
your head, that's a biggie. And in Mhmm.

1401
00:47:55,280 --> 00:47:57,440
In the year of our lord 2026

1402
00:47:57,440 --> 00:47:59,519
when gas prices are what they are and

1403
00:47:59,519 --> 00:48:02,355
tariffs haven't fully gone away And what is

1404
00:48:02,355 --> 00:48:05,094
happening in the world and everything's more expensive

1405
00:48:05,394 --> 00:48:08,035
and rent is higher and home insurance is

1406
00:48:08,035 --> 00:48:10,195
higher and car insurance is higher and property

1407
00:48:10,195 --> 00:48:11,635
taxes are going up. It doesn't matter what

1408
00:48:11,635 --> 00:48:13,074
kind of home you have, you pay more

1409
00:48:13,074 --> 00:48:15,074
for it. Financial stress is huge and it

1410
00:48:15,074 --> 00:48:17,039
will fuck you up and nobody's immune to

1411
00:48:17,039 --> 00:48:18,640
it. Yeah. And I, you know, I'm just

1412
00:48:18,640 --> 00:48:19,699
I'm just gonna say

1413
00:48:20,239 --> 00:48:23,300
the financial stress, you know, while we have

1414
00:48:23,679 --> 00:48:24,179
come

1415
00:48:24,880 --> 00:48:25,860
miles ahead.

1416
00:48:26,160 --> 00:48:28,880
Mhmm. Okay. You know, there there are times

1417
00:48:28,880 --> 00:48:30,640
we still sit and look at us all,

1418
00:48:30,640 --> 00:48:32,925
you know, we're we're working harder, we're we're

1419
00:48:32,925 --> 00:48:33,425
doing

1420
00:48:34,285 --> 00:48:36,605
better, but yet it doesn't feel so. Yeah.

1421
00:48:36,605 --> 00:48:38,204
You know? And then and then you have

1422
00:48:38,204 --> 00:48:39,965
the the people coming on and saying, you

1423
00:48:39,965 --> 00:48:41,824
know, Florida's in a housing crisis.

1424
00:48:42,125 --> 00:48:44,625
Property taxes are out of control. Insurance is

1425
00:48:44,925 --> 00:48:46,765
through the roof. We live in Florida where

1426
00:48:46,765 --> 00:48:48,659
all of that is times 10. Right.

1427
00:48:48,960 --> 00:48:51,599
So, you know, that that all adds on.

1428
00:48:51,599 --> 00:48:53,679
It's it's, you know, there are times you

1429
00:48:53,679 --> 00:48:55,440
feel like you're on a a freaking hamster

1430
00:48:55,440 --> 00:48:57,920
wheel. Oh, for sure. And that's financial stress.

1431
00:48:57,920 --> 00:49:00,400
There's stress about health. There's stress about your

1432
00:49:00,400 --> 00:49:02,605
kids. When we were dealing financial stress, I

1433
00:49:02,605 --> 00:49:05,164
was dealing with this we we together, but

1434
00:49:05,164 --> 00:49:06,684
I know how I am about these things.

1435
00:49:06,684 --> 00:49:07,664
I was internalizing

1436
00:49:07,965 --> 00:49:09,885
very deeply the stress of having,

1437
00:49:10,605 --> 00:49:12,684
The youngest. The young he was not healthy

1438
00:49:12,684 --> 00:49:15,005
mentally or physical. She was not healthy mentally

1439
00:49:15,005 --> 00:49:15,659
or physically

1440
00:49:16,059 --> 00:49:18,319
for years. Mhmm. For years.

1441
00:49:18,859 --> 00:49:19,359
So

1442
00:49:19,980 --> 00:49:22,219
that was a stress. Yep. And we all

1443
00:49:22,219 --> 00:49:23,839
respond to stress in our own ways.

1444
00:49:24,619 --> 00:49:26,159
Mine is I either withdraw

1445
00:49:26,539 --> 00:49:28,780
and I get very into my head or

1446
00:49:28,780 --> 00:49:29,760
I get snappy

1447
00:49:30,105 --> 00:49:32,344
and I'm very short and I'm short-tempered and

1448
00:49:32,344 --> 00:49:33,704
I don't have patience for a lot of

1449
00:49:33,704 --> 00:49:34,445
things. Snarky.

1450
00:49:35,704 --> 00:49:37,784
Snarky. Yes. And do I have a bad

1451
00:49:37,784 --> 00:49:39,085
habit when I get snarky?

1452
00:49:39,465 --> 00:49:39,965
Unintentionally

1453
00:49:40,905 --> 00:49:42,449
talking to people. I only talk to, like,

1454
00:49:42,449 --> 00:49:43,730
two or three people in my life, but

1455
00:49:43,730 --> 00:49:45,090
talking to people like they're kind of a

1456
00:49:45,090 --> 00:49:47,250
dumbass if they say something I think is

1457
00:49:47,250 --> 00:49:48,929
wrong. Yeah. It's not a good trade. I'm

1458
00:49:48,929 --> 00:49:50,769
not fucking proud of it. I have I

1459
00:49:50,769 --> 00:49:51,909
spend a lot of time

1460
00:49:52,609 --> 00:49:55,295
with apologies when it gets bad. I have

1461
00:49:55,295 --> 00:49:56,835
to be aware of that.

1462
00:49:57,535 --> 00:50:00,175
But, you know, that's my response. JB's response?

1463
00:50:00,175 --> 00:50:00,675
Short-tempered.

1464
00:50:00,974 --> 00:50:03,775
No no patience. Zero tolerance for anything that

1465
00:50:03,775 --> 00:50:05,934
he could find annoying. Small things that he

1466
00:50:05,934 --> 00:50:07,795
would laugh off, can't laugh him off.

1467
00:50:08,494 --> 00:50:10,389
I referred to him as a a lasher

1468
00:50:10,389 --> 00:50:11,130
outer earlier,

1469
00:50:12,309 --> 00:50:13,829
and I think it was Silent who said,

1470
00:50:13,829 --> 00:50:15,670
Oh, you're not describing JB as the lasher

1471
00:50:15,670 --> 00:50:17,670
outer. I know. I'm not actually describing No.

1472
00:50:17,670 --> 00:50:19,750
He is not a lasher outer and, like,

1473
00:50:19,750 --> 00:50:22,250
the guy who raised me, that was trauma.

1474
00:50:22,630 --> 00:50:24,795
JB just happens to be a person who

1475
00:50:24,795 --> 00:50:25,775
uses a very

1476
00:50:26,474 --> 00:50:26,974
sharp

1477
00:50:27,434 --> 00:50:27,934
tone

1478
00:50:28,714 --> 00:50:31,194
even with mild annoyance. It's a little funny

1479
00:50:31,194 --> 00:50:32,734
to listen when that eighteenth,

1480
00:50:35,275 --> 00:50:37,434
robocall comes through and it's actually a person

1481
00:50:37,434 --> 00:50:38,494
on the other end.

1482
00:50:39,369 --> 00:50:42,010
Right? Like, he's calm and decent and not

1483
00:50:42,010 --> 00:50:45,130
trying to traumatize anybody, but his first response

1484
00:50:45,130 --> 00:50:48,170
at stress is everything he says is probably

1485
00:50:48,170 --> 00:50:50,090
coming out angrier than, you know, than it

1486
00:50:50,090 --> 00:50:50,829
would otherwise.

1487
00:50:52,364 --> 00:50:53,184
And that

1488
00:50:54,684 --> 00:50:55,664
That that unfortunately

1489
00:50:56,045 --> 00:50:56,545
is

1490
00:50:58,125 --> 00:50:59,744
a bad trait I carried

1491
00:51:00,445 --> 00:51:02,844
from Probably from your own trauma. Yeah. Like

1492
00:51:03,005 --> 00:51:05,324
and so here's the thing. We both know

1493
00:51:05,324 --> 00:51:06,224
how we are.

1494
00:51:06,639 --> 00:51:08,719
And so, yes, it is our responsibility to

1495
00:51:08,719 --> 00:51:10,639
try to, like, be mindful of that, but

1496
00:51:10,639 --> 00:51:12,820
especially stress will fuck you up.

1497
00:51:13,280 --> 00:51:15,280
And so we are very good at I

1498
00:51:15,280 --> 00:51:16,960
I am quick to do it because I'm

1499
00:51:16,960 --> 00:51:18,579
trying to manage my own, like,

1500
00:51:19,244 --> 00:51:22,045
physical and emotional response to what I'm perceiving

1501
00:51:22,045 --> 00:51:23,724
as danger. It's not. I'm not in danger.

1502
00:51:23,724 --> 00:51:25,085
I know I'm safe, but tell that to

1503
00:51:25,085 --> 00:51:26,144
my lizard brain.

1504
00:51:26,444 --> 00:51:27,804
I'm real quick to go, Woah. Woah. Woah.

1505
00:51:27,804 --> 00:51:29,724
That was a real sharp tone. Right? And

1506
00:51:29,724 --> 00:51:31,964
when I'm in control of myself, I can

1507
00:51:31,964 --> 00:51:33,085
say it in a way that he can

1508
00:51:33,085 --> 00:51:33,744
hear me.

1509
00:51:34,050 --> 00:51:37,010
When I'm not, when I'm also, like, having

1510
00:51:37,010 --> 00:51:38,530
a moment and I'm coming out snarky and

1511
00:51:38,530 --> 00:51:40,449
sharp, now now we're probably in an argument

1512
00:51:40,449 --> 00:51:41,969
because I said a thing he would normally

1513
00:51:41,969 --> 00:51:43,329
be able to handle just fine, but I

1514
00:51:43,329 --> 00:51:44,690
said it in a tone that he did

1515
00:51:44,690 --> 00:51:45,349
not like.

1516
00:51:45,809 --> 00:51:47,250
And now we've got a conflict on top

1517
00:51:47,250 --> 00:51:48,885
of a conflict, and it all what's what's

1518
00:51:48,885 --> 00:51:51,204
it all coming back to? Whatever is stressing

1519
00:51:51,204 --> 00:51:51,864
us out.

1520
00:51:52,164 --> 00:51:54,804
The thing we got really good at in

1521
00:51:54,804 --> 00:51:56,485
the midst of all the turmoil we went

1522
00:51:56,485 --> 00:51:57,864
through for a few years there

1523
00:51:58,324 --> 00:52:00,025
was saying out loud.

1524
00:52:00,565 --> 00:52:02,344
One of us would say to the other,

1525
00:52:02,530 --> 00:52:05,250
we are on the same team. Yeah. We

1526
00:52:05,250 --> 00:52:07,410
are we want the same thing. What are

1527
00:52:07,410 --> 00:52:11,010
we arguing about? Because, Frank, fortunately for us,

1528
00:52:11,010 --> 00:52:13,030
we very rarely argued about

1529
00:52:13,410 --> 00:52:15,410
how we were gonna try and resolve a

1530
00:52:15,410 --> 00:52:17,250
thing. We were usually in agreement on that,

1531
00:52:17,250 --> 00:52:19,224
but something else would set one or both

1532
00:52:19,224 --> 00:52:20,045
of us off.

1533
00:52:20,905 --> 00:52:22,364
And now we're in some, like,

1534
00:52:22,984 --> 00:52:25,144
argument that doesn't even make sense when we

1535
00:52:25,144 --> 00:52:26,824
- I mean, I remember sitting in a

1536
00:52:26,824 --> 00:52:27,945
vehicle with you. I think it was about

1537
00:52:27,945 --> 00:52:29,545
money. I don't remember what it was. We

1538
00:52:29,545 --> 00:52:30,905
were - and I - I'm gonna -

1539
00:52:30,905 --> 00:52:32,844
I'm saying yelling, but not screaming.

1540
00:52:33,304 --> 00:52:34,320
Voices were raised.

1541
00:52:35,280 --> 00:52:37,119
I was I was stern. He was stern,

1542
00:52:37,119 --> 00:52:38,960
but we were both loud. And it and

1543
00:52:38,960 --> 00:52:40,500
we were going back and forth

1544
00:52:40,800 --> 00:52:43,519
with the exact same solution just using different

1545
00:52:43,519 --> 00:52:45,059
words. And finally,

1546
00:52:45,599 --> 00:52:47,840
I pulled back and went, what the hell

1547
00:52:47,840 --> 00:52:50,125
are we yelling about? Right. We are saying

1548
00:52:50,425 --> 00:52:52,525
literally the exact same thing. Mhmm.

1549
00:52:52,905 --> 00:52:55,704
And and I I don't your power exchange

1550
00:52:55,704 --> 00:52:56,344
is not,

1551
00:52:57,385 --> 00:52:58,605
protection from that.

1552
00:52:58,905 --> 00:53:01,704
Some people, maybe. Maybe you handle stress better.

1553
00:53:01,704 --> 00:53:03,592
Maybe it's a lower level stress. Maybe it's

1554
00:53:03,592 --> 00:53:04,800
not triggering. Maybe it's not triggering, maybe it's

1555
00:53:04,800 --> 00:53:07,199
not like, whatever. I don't know. Everybody handles

1556
00:53:07,199 --> 00:53:08,019
things differently.

1557
00:53:08,559 --> 00:53:10,579
And I think there can be

1558
00:53:11,519 --> 00:53:13,840
a desire for some people to use their

1559
00:53:13,840 --> 00:53:14,660
power exchange

1560
00:53:15,039 --> 00:53:17,775
to prevent that back and forth, that snark,

1561
00:53:18,255 --> 00:53:20,574
that sharp voices, that whatever. And it's like,

1562
00:53:20,574 --> 00:53:23,214
okay, if if, Dom just stays completely in

1563
00:53:23,214 --> 00:53:25,214
control of their emotions and the submissive just

1564
00:53:25,214 --> 00:53:26,114
does what they're trying

1565
00:53:27,054 --> 00:53:29,295
we're human. Like, I think some of us

1566
00:53:29,295 --> 00:53:31,054
can maybe do that for a short amount

1567
00:53:31,054 --> 00:53:32,820
of time. I think if you are forcing

1568
00:53:32,820 --> 00:53:34,820
yourself to be that way through every conflict

1569
00:53:34,820 --> 00:53:37,219
with each other, at times when emotions are

1570
00:53:37,219 --> 00:53:40,260
running high and, like, shit is raining down

1571
00:53:40,260 --> 00:53:41,079
around you,

1572
00:53:41,780 --> 00:53:43,940
I would I would have questions about, at

1573
00:53:43,940 --> 00:53:46,065
the end of it, your mental health. Because

1574
00:53:46,364 --> 00:53:47,985
if you are not allowing yourself

1575
00:53:48,445 --> 00:53:50,844
to feel what you feel and hopefully not

1576
00:53:50,844 --> 00:53:53,105
in an unhealthy way, to respond authentically,

1577
00:53:53,724 --> 00:53:55,905
I don't know how that's healthy for anybody.

1578
00:53:56,285 --> 00:53:58,224
I really don't. Not long term.

1579
00:53:58,684 --> 00:53:59,184
So,

1580
00:53:59,719 --> 00:54:01,880
you know, my personal opinion is is that

1581
00:54:01,880 --> 00:54:03,579
the vast majority of us,

1582
00:54:04,199 --> 00:54:06,119
our power exchange will not save us from

1583
00:54:06,119 --> 00:54:07,719
any of this. It might make it so

1584
00:54:07,719 --> 00:54:10,039
you you learn how to argue better. Right?

1585
00:54:10,039 --> 00:54:12,039
If you're real good at remembering that always

1586
00:54:12,039 --> 00:54:13,420
speak with respect rule,

1587
00:54:13,880 --> 00:54:16,195
I've never cussed JBL. I have

1588
00:54:16,494 --> 00:54:18,094
I have never said some of the worst

1589
00:54:18,094 --> 00:54:20,275
shit I could or would. Like,

1590
00:54:20,735 --> 00:54:22,675
I'm I'm very nonconfrontational

1591
00:54:23,375 --> 00:54:26,034
to begin with. I'm very nonconfrontational

1592
00:54:26,494 --> 00:54:28,655
to begin with. I just I'm terrified. Thank

1593
00:54:28,655 --> 00:54:29,795
you, childhood trauma.

1594
00:54:31,320 --> 00:54:31,820
But

1595
00:54:32,280 --> 00:54:34,039
it's not that I don't have thoughts. It's

1596
00:54:34,039 --> 00:54:36,619
not that I've never had an unkind thought.

1597
00:54:38,200 --> 00:54:40,700
My way of maintaining respect is

1598
00:54:41,079 --> 00:54:43,260
I'm going to talk to JB

1599
00:54:43,800 --> 00:54:45,559
like an adult. I'm gonna let my voice

1600
00:54:45,559 --> 00:54:48,184
get sharp. I'm gonna let myself be stern.

1601
00:54:48,184 --> 00:54:49,405
I'm not gonna be shrieking.

1602
00:54:49,704 --> 00:54:51,385
I'm not gonna be name calling. I'm not

1603
00:54:51,385 --> 00:54:53,005
gonna be doing any of that shit.

1604
00:54:53,305 --> 00:54:54,505
I had to learn that it was I

1605
00:54:54,505 --> 00:54:56,905
could still be respectful and be firm. That

1606
00:54:56,905 --> 00:54:58,585
was that was a thing I personally had

1607
00:54:58,585 --> 00:55:00,210
to learn. Some people do have to learn

1608
00:55:00,369 --> 00:55:02,210
that. Other people have to learn to tone

1609
00:55:02,210 --> 00:55:03,730
it the fuck down, and you don't need

1610
00:55:03,730 --> 00:55:05,250
to say the first fucking thing that comes

1611
00:55:05,250 --> 00:55:07,089
to your head that once you're calm, you're

1612
00:55:07,089 --> 00:55:08,849
like, I would never I I didn't actually

1613
00:55:08,849 --> 00:55:09,589
mean that.

1614
00:55:09,969 --> 00:55:11,730
Guess what? Some things can't be unsaid because

1615
00:55:11,730 --> 00:55:12,789
they can't be unheard.

1616
00:55:13,250 --> 00:55:15,585
So but stress will stress will fuck you

1617
00:55:15,585 --> 00:55:17,105
up. I'm telling you stress will you up.

1618
00:55:17,105 --> 00:55:17,684
Oh, yeah.

1619
00:55:19,344 --> 00:55:21,264
Let's see. Let me get back to my

1620
00:55:21,264 --> 00:55:21,764
list.

1621
00:55:22,065 --> 00:55:23,664
So having to use my phone is kind

1622
00:55:23,664 --> 00:55:24,885
of a pain in the ass

1623
00:55:25,264 --> 00:55:25,764
because

1624
00:55:26,224 --> 00:55:27,599
now my my phone

1625
00:55:28,000 --> 00:55:28,500
is

1626
00:55:29,360 --> 00:55:30,579
No! Okay, there we go.

1627
00:55:31,039 --> 00:55:33,140
My phone was trying not to whatever.

1628
00:55:33,519 --> 00:55:34,019
Burnout

1629
00:55:34,480 --> 00:55:35,920
we've got an episode on burnout. A lot

1630
00:55:35,920 --> 00:55:37,440
of these topics we're talking about is in

1631
00:55:37,440 --> 00:55:38,720
that page I was telling you about at

1632
00:55:38,720 --> 00:55:41,215
the top, my loving bdsm.net/conflict

1633
00:55:41,275 --> 00:55:42,255
linked in the places.

1634
00:55:42,715 --> 00:55:43,215
Burnout

1635
00:55:44,155 --> 00:55:45,914
will make it so you don't have the

1636
00:55:45,914 --> 00:55:47,275
energy to do the things you said you

1637
00:55:47,275 --> 00:55:49,135
would do. So now you are unintentionally

1638
00:55:50,315 --> 00:55:50,815
disappointing

1639
00:55:51,114 --> 00:55:51,855
your partner

1640
00:55:52,789 --> 00:55:54,630
as a partner, as a dom or a

1641
00:55:54,630 --> 00:55:57,190
sub, within your power exchange, outside of your

1642
00:55:57,190 --> 00:55:58,650
power exchange because you've just

1643
00:55:59,030 --> 00:56:01,109
literally run run out of steam. You got

1644
00:56:01,109 --> 00:56:03,050
nothing, and you're going through the motions.

1645
00:56:03,349 --> 00:56:05,244
And even if you're doing the things, the

1646
00:56:05,244 --> 00:56:07,644
tasks, whatever, the going through the motions part,

1647
00:56:07,644 --> 00:56:09,644
people can people can feel that after a

1648
00:56:09,644 --> 00:56:11,405
while. Some people are gonna feel it immediately

1649
00:56:11,405 --> 00:56:12,605
and some people are it's gonna take them

1650
00:56:12,605 --> 00:56:14,704
a minute. But you can feel when somebody's

1651
00:56:14,925 --> 00:56:16,525
not into what you're trying to do when

1652
00:56:16,525 --> 00:56:17,824
they're going through the motions.

1653
00:56:18,204 --> 00:56:20,579
And that will make you feel things. It

1654
00:56:20,579 --> 00:56:22,819
might make you angry, but it might make

1655
00:56:22,819 --> 00:56:24,659
you wonder, does this person wanna be in

1656
00:56:24,659 --> 00:56:26,659
this relationship with me? It might make you

1657
00:56:26,659 --> 00:56:28,500
resentful because you might be picking up the

1658
00:56:28,500 --> 00:56:30,679
slack, whether it's the emotional labor

1659
00:56:30,980 --> 00:56:31,480
or

1660
00:56:31,859 --> 00:56:34,175
the actual physical aspects of what a person

1661
00:56:34,175 --> 00:56:35,954
in burnout can't do.

1662
00:56:38,255 --> 00:56:40,594
It's not the person in burnout's fault.

1663
00:56:41,454 --> 00:56:43,295
Again, it's a thing you have to work

1664
00:56:43,295 --> 00:56:44,434
with and around

1665
00:56:44,735 --> 00:56:47,155
and find the way to keep,

1666
00:56:47,454 --> 00:56:49,349
you know, assuming you wanna both continue to

1667
00:56:49,349 --> 00:56:50,410
be in the relationship,

1668
00:56:51,190 --> 00:56:52,869
how how both of you manage to get

1669
00:56:52,869 --> 00:56:54,789
through that for with them. You know, you're

1670
00:56:54,789 --> 00:56:56,869
kind of going through it together. The person

1671
00:56:56,869 --> 00:56:59,289
in burnout is go and fucking throw it,

1672
00:56:59,349 --> 00:57:01,750
but the partner in that relationship is having

1673
00:57:01,750 --> 00:57:04,010
their own experience with it. You know?

1674
00:57:04,635 --> 00:57:05,934
Jealousy and envy.

1675
00:57:06,474 --> 00:57:09,375
Because so conflict will create you'll feel jealous.

1676
00:57:09,594 --> 00:57:10,894
You'll feel envious,

1677
00:57:11,594 --> 00:57:14,635
but feeling jealous or envious will also create

1678
00:57:14,635 --> 00:57:15,695
its own conflict.

1679
00:57:19,755 --> 00:57:20,190
So one

1680
00:57:20,829 --> 00:57:22,190
of the first times I realized I was

1681
00:57:22,190 --> 00:57:24,050
feeling resentful in our relationship,

1682
00:57:25,789 --> 00:57:27,550
it was I was feeling resentful because I

1683
00:57:27,550 --> 00:57:29,309
was envious. I was jealous. I was pick

1684
00:57:29,309 --> 00:57:30,670
a word, right. I do think they're two

1685
00:57:30,670 --> 00:57:32,449
separate terms, but they get used interchangeably.

1686
00:57:33,150 --> 00:57:35,125
And here's why. This was

1687
00:57:35,565 --> 00:57:37,885
we'd we were living in the condo when

1688
00:57:37,885 --> 00:57:39,264
I realized what I was feeling.

1689
00:57:40,445 --> 00:57:41,824
And I was

1690
00:57:42,125 --> 00:57:42,605
I was,

1691
00:57:43,244 --> 00:57:45,425
I was putting in twelve, fourteen hour days,

1692
00:57:46,364 --> 00:57:47,804
and I would be working. I had this

1693
00:57:47,804 --> 00:57:49,570
little little corner of the living room in

1694
00:57:49,570 --> 00:57:51,570
our condo with this teeny tiny little desk.

1695
00:57:51,570 --> 00:57:52,769
Cut my back to the wall because that's

1696
00:57:52,769 --> 00:57:53,809
what I like. I could look out into

1697
00:57:53,809 --> 00:57:55,349
the whole living room. I could see everything.

1698
00:57:55,409 --> 00:57:56,769
It was when I moved away from working

1699
00:57:56,769 --> 00:57:58,130
at the kitchen table. Yes. And I was

1700
00:57:58,130 --> 00:57:59,650
working at my very first little teen tiny

1701
00:57:59,730 --> 00:58:01,445
it was like a student desk, and I

1702
00:58:01,445 --> 00:58:03,353
have my little laptop. And I would be

1703
00:58:03,353 --> 00:58:05,260
working, and Jimmy would be on the couch,

1704
00:58:05,260 --> 00:58:07,168
and he would be playing solitaire, or he

1705
00:58:07,168 --> 00:58:09,075
would be, you know, looking at us on

1706
00:58:09,075 --> 00:58:10,983
TV. We didn't watch a lot of TV

1707
00:58:10,983 --> 00:58:12,890
without one another, especially if I was working.

1708
00:58:12,890 --> 00:58:14,797
But he would be resting. He would be

1709
00:58:14,797 --> 00:58:15,989
taking a nap. And I

1710
00:58:16,630 --> 00:58:18,489
would get so upset,

1711
00:58:19,030 --> 00:58:20,469
and it took me a minute. And I'm

1712
00:58:20,469 --> 00:58:21,670
glad I didn't take it out on you

1713
00:58:21,670 --> 00:58:23,110
because it would not have been fair once

1714
00:58:23,110 --> 00:58:24,809
I figured out what the fuck the problem

1715
00:58:24,869 --> 00:58:25,369
was.

1716
00:58:26,070 --> 00:58:28,695
JB has never had a problem, at least

1717
00:58:28,695 --> 00:58:29,894
outwardly. I don't know what you go through

1718
00:58:29,894 --> 00:58:31,035
mentally in internally.

1719
00:58:31,414 --> 00:58:33,094
If he needs to rest, he sits his

1720
00:58:33,094 --> 00:58:34,954
ass down and he rests. If he's sick,

1721
00:58:35,015 --> 00:58:37,175
he takes a sick day. If he is

1722
00:58:37,175 --> 00:58:39,414
done working, he he sets a time and

1723
00:58:39,414 --> 00:58:41,335
he's fucking done working, and then he goes

1724
00:58:41,335 --> 00:58:43,590
off and he has leisure time. I for

1725
00:58:43,590 --> 00:58:44,570
different reasons,

1726
00:58:45,349 --> 00:58:46,869
some of which were some of my own

1727
00:58:46,869 --> 00:58:47,610
fucking fault,

1728
00:58:48,070 --> 00:58:50,630
I had not ever allowed there was never

1729
00:58:50,630 --> 00:58:52,309
time for that. There was never I didn't

1730
00:58:52,309 --> 00:58:54,150
allow myself to do that. No. There were

1731
00:58:54,150 --> 00:58:55,750
times in life that I could not allow

1732
00:58:55,750 --> 00:58:57,945
myself to do that or small children would

1733
00:58:57,945 --> 00:58:59,565
not survive or whatever, but

1734
00:59:00,025 --> 00:59:02,344
and I realized I was pissed at him

1735
00:59:02,344 --> 00:59:03,704
because he was doing a thing that I

1736
00:59:03,704 --> 00:59:05,405
did not allow myself to do.

1737
00:59:05,785 --> 00:59:07,864
Oh, the realization of that because he want

1738
00:59:08,105 --> 00:59:09,965
I kinda liked having my, like,

1739
00:59:11,760 --> 00:59:12,739
justif you

1740
00:59:13,039 --> 00:59:15,280
know, justifiably pissed. Like, I I felt righteous

1741
00:59:15,280 --> 00:59:17,280
in my annoyance and my, oh, this isn't

1742
00:59:17,280 --> 00:59:19,840
fair. And then I went, fucking hell. It's

1743
00:59:19,840 --> 00:59:20,980
not his fault.

1744
00:59:21,760 --> 00:59:24,045
Jimmy wasn't doing anything wrong. Wrong. He was

1745
00:59:24,045 --> 00:59:25,644
doing exactly what I should have been fucking

1746
00:59:25,644 --> 00:59:27,405
doing and didn't have the skills to do,

1747
00:59:27,405 --> 00:59:29,484
didn't think I could, didn't have the faith

1748
00:59:29,484 --> 00:59:31,164
that he would pick up slack. And so

1749
00:59:31,164 --> 00:59:32,844
that had nothing to do with power exchange.

1750
00:59:32,844 --> 00:59:34,144
I'm in a happy relationship.

1751
00:59:34,445 --> 00:59:37,005
I was pissed. I was so pissed because

1752
00:59:37,005 --> 00:59:38,950
I was fucking jealous of something I wasn't

1753
00:59:38,950 --> 00:59:41,269
allowing myself to do and I just don't

1754
00:59:41,269 --> 00:59:42,869
think I'm alone in that. I don't think

1755
00:59:42,869 --> 00:59:44,950
it'll be the same reasons other people have

1756
00:59:44,950 --> 00:59:46,789
it, but I think other people will have

1757
00:59:46,789 --> 00:59:47,289
that.

1758
00:59:47,670 --> 00:59:50,469
Being able to do that, alright, like even

1759
00:59:50,469 --> 00:59:50,969
today.

1760
00:59:51,494 --> 00:59:53,574
Okay you know I did all my work

1761
00:59:53,574 --> 00:59:54,074
outside

1762
00:59:54,775 --> 00:59:56,154
this morning in the shop

1763
00:59:58,295 --> 00:59:59,034
came in

1764
00:59:59,494 --> 01:00:02,054
started getting something set up for this ate

1765
01:00:02,054 --> 01:00:03,734
lunch and I was like you know what

1766
01:00:03,734 --> 01:00:05,194
I'm gonna lay down for a few minutes

1767
01:00:06,130 --> 01:00:06,630
Okay.

1768
01:00:08,050 --> 01:00:10,210
You know you talk about how I now

1769
01:00:10,210 --> 01:00:12,609
when I get sick. Mhmm. You know I

1770
01:00:12,609 --> 01:00:14,230
rest I take care of myself.

1771
01:00:14,929 --> 01:00:16,530
Mhmm. Which is what we should all have.

1772
01:00:16,530 --> 01:00:17,809
We should all be able to. Yeah. We

1773
01:00:17,809 --> 01:00:19,010
can't all do but we should all be

1774
01:00:19,010 --> 01:00:20,550
able to do. But

1775
01:00:20,914 --> 01:00:23,255
that was not something I've always done. Sure.

1776
01:00:23,635 --> 01:00:26,054
Okay because I was always you know

1777
01:00:26,434 --> 01:00:28,835
no you you push through. Right. You know

1778
01:00:28,835 --> 01:00:31,234
you you you don't feel good you keep

1779
01:00:31,234 --> 01:00:32,614
going anyway. Mhmm.

1780
01:00:33,234 --> 01:00:33,734
And

1781
01:00:34,034 --> 01:00:36,054
it took me many years to realize

1782
01:00:37,139 --> 01:00:38,980
no wait, I don't really have to. The

1783
01:00:38,980 --> 01:00:40,819
world is not going to come to an

1784
01:00:40,819 --> 01:00:41,319
end

1785
01:00:42,739 --> 01:00:44,500
if I stop and sit down for a

1786
01:00:44,500 --> 01:00:45,159
few minutes.

1787
01:00:46,339 --> 01:00:48,099
Mhmm. Now here's what's funny about that. That

1788
01:00:48,099 --> 01:00:50,420
makes complete sense to me. And here's why

1789
01:00:50,420 --> 01:00:51,400
I think it's important

1790
01:00:51,945 --> 01:00:54,344
it was important for me to realize what

1791
01:00:54,505 --> 01:00:55,945
why I felt the way I felt. And

1792
01:00:55,945 --> 01:00:57,144
that had nothing to do with you. It

1793
01:00:57,144 --> 01:00:58,824
had everything to do with me because in

1794
01:00:58,824 --> 01:01:01,224
that moment of those ugly feelings, I didn't

1795
01:01:01,224 --> 01:01:03,465
know your fucking history. I didn't it makes

1796
01:01:03,465 --> 01:01:05,769
sense I'm knowing what I know about you.

1797
01:01:05,989 --> 01:01:08,070
That is that is obvious to me that

1798
01:01:08,070 --> 01:01:09,989
you would have gone through decades of life

1799
01:01:09,989 --> 01:01:11,610
where you just pushed through

1800
01:01:11,989 --> 01:01:12,489
because

1801
01:01:13,989 --> 01:01:15,210
I know stuff. But

1802
01:01:16,635 --> 01:01:19,195
that is the the lie that resentment and

1803
01:01:19,195 --> 01:01:21,054
jealousy and envy can tell us

1804
01:01:21,355 --> 01:01:23,514
is that we are alone in this thing,

1805
01:01:23,514 --> 01:01:25,434
and that person has it good. And they

1806
01:01:25,434 --> 01:01:26,795
don't know what it's like to feel this

1807
01:01:26,795 --> 01:01:28,554
way. And it is a lie most

1808
01:01:29,034 --> 01:01:30,635
much of the time, especially if you're like

1809
01:01:31,434 --> 01:01:33,369
if your your envy of somebody that you

1810
01:01:33,369 --> 01:01:35,550
care about is making you feel negatively

1811
01:01:36,170 --> 01:01:37,849
in a way towards them you would not

1812
01:01:37,849 --> 01:01:40,409
normally feel. It's your brain's lying to you

1813
01:01:40,409 --> 01:01:43,389
on on some level, probably. Right?

1814
01:01:45,405 --> 01:01:48,065
I still use that self talk now when,

1815
01:01:49,085 --> 01:01:49,585
I'm

1816
01:01:49,965 --> 01:01:51,965
I'm working longer hours than I wanna be

1817
01:01:51,965 --> 01:01:52,704
or I

1818
01:01:53,085 --> 01:01:54,844
I I truly cannot stop in that moment.

1819
01:01:54,844 --> 01:01:56,285
I gotta get through what I'm getting through.

1820
01:01:56,285 --> 01:01:57,644
And you were taking it easy, and I

1821
01:01:57,644 --> 01:01:59,985
tell myself, these are choices I'm making.

1822
01:02:00,285 --> 01:02:02,329
Right? The The choices I'm making have me

1823
01:02:02,329 --> 01:02:05,050
here at 08:00 at night because my ass

1824
01:02:05,050 --> 01:02:06,969
procrastinated for two hours in the middle of

1825
01:02:06,969 --> 01:02:07,869
the day. Well,

1826
01:02:08,570 --> 01:02:10,010
I could have been done. I could have

1827
01:02:10,010 --> 01:02:12,430
been doing what you're doing. Right? And and

1828
01:02:12,570 --> 01:02:14,684
the thing is is until we can have

1829
01:02:14,684 --> 01:02:16,925
those realizations within ourselves, what happens when you're

1830
01:02:16,925 --> 01:02:18,385
feeling jealous or envious

1831
01:02:18,765 --> 01:02:20,925
or go back to resentful. You're lashing out.

1832
01:02:20,925 --> 01:02:23,325
You're saying shit. You're you're behaving in a

1833
01:02:23,325 --> 01:02:25,005
way that makes it clear to a partner

1834
01:02:25,005 --> 01:02:26,445
that you are unhappy even if you are

1835
01:02:26,445 --> 01:02:28,530
not telling them why you're unhappy. These become

1836
01:02:28,530 --> 01:02:29,670
sources of conflict.

1837
01:02:30,130 --> 01:02:30,789
You know?

1838
01:02:31,890 --> 01:02:35,170
I I know I'm weirdly introspective, but a

1839
01:02:35,170 --> 01:02:37,269
lot of people are weirdly introspective.

1840
01:02:38,769 --> 01:02:40,289
I don't know how to tell somebody to

1841
01:02:40,289 --> 01:02:42,210
be introspective. I don't know I don't know

1842
01:02:42,210 --> 01:02:43,734
where it comes from. I don't know how

1843
01:02:43,734 --> 01:02:45,034
to educate on that.

1844
01:02:45,335 --> 01:02:47,574
But, you know, taking a few moments to

1845
01:02:47,574 --> 01:02:50,135
just try to see something from another perspective

1846
01:02:50,135 --> 01:02:51,974
or to think about why do I feel

1847
01:02:51,974 --> 01:02:52,535
this way

1848
01:02:52,934 --> 01:02:55,734
Mhmm. Won't maybe stop the feeling, but maybe

1849
01:02:55,734 --> 01:02:56,760
you're you're not

1850
01:02:58,199 --> 01:03:00,280
being a bitch to your daddy, Dom, who

1851
01:03:00,280 --> 01:03:02,280
just he had a cold, and he just

1852
01:03:02,280 --> 01:03:03,980
wanted to lay down on the couch.

1853
01:03:05,239 --> 01:03:07,320
And you're the one nearing burnout because you

1854
01:03:07,320 --> 01:03:09,000
don't know how to take a break, and

1855
01:03:09,000 --> 01:03:10,594
that's a you you problem.

1856
01:03:11,614 --> 01:03:13,375
You know, here's the source of conflict. How

1857
01:03:13,375 --> 01:03:15,454
many problems are a you problem that you

1858
01:03:15,454 --> 01:03:17,855
have made your partner's problem? And not because

1859
01:03:17,855 --> 01:03:18,675
they will work

1860
01:03:18,974 --> 01:03:20,655
through those things with you and they will

1861
01:03:20,655 --> 01:03:22,594
support you, but because you are feeling

1862
01:03:23,614 --> 01:03:26,059
a feeling. You are feeling big negative feelings

1863
01:03:26,119 --> 01:03:27,559
about a thing that is a you problem,

1864
01:03:27,559 --> 01:03:29,660
and you now just made it your partner's

1865
01:03:29,720 --> 01:03:32,380
problem, but not in a collaborative way.

1866
01:03:33,160 --> 01:03:34,760
In a, oh, I'm here to argue with

1867
01:03:34,760 --> 01:03:36,140
somebody kinda way. Yeah.

1868
01:03:36,440 --> 01:03:36,940
Mhmm.

1869
01:03:37,944 --> 01:03:39,944
Decision fatigue and mental load. We have done

1870
01:03:39,944 --> 01:03:41,565
those episodes as well. Yes.

1871
01:03:42,264 --> 01:03:44,764
My first experience with you with decision fatigue,

1872
01:03:44,824 --> 01:03:46,344
we've talked about this several times over the

1873
01:03:46,344 --> 01:03:48,424
years, when your sister was sick, and I

1874
01:03:48,424 --> 01:03:50,280
just asked what you wanted to drink with

1875
01:03:50,280 --> 01:03:52,360
your dinner, and you went, I can't. I

1876
01:03:52,360 --> 01:03:53,340
can't do it.

1877
01:03:53,640 --> 01:03:55,980
I can't do I can't make another decision.

1878
01:03:56,199 --> 01:03:57,820
Yeah. Dom's get it. Subs get it. Subs

1879
01:03:57,820 --> 01:03:58,460
get it. Submissives

1880
01:03:58,920 --> 01:04:02,065
who have some level of autonomy to decide

1881
01:04:02,065 --> 01:04:03,425
how they're gonna do the thing or when

1882
01:04:03,425 --> 01:04:04,704
they're gonna do the thing. I know for

1883
01:04:04,704 --> 01:04:07,045
myself as a service sub, I am serving

1884
01:04:07,265 --> 01:04:09,045
my partner and my family

1885
01:04:09,664 --> 01:04:11,844
on many, many levels, and that requires

1886
01:04:12,385 --> 01:04:14,704
carrying a mental load. That requires making decisions.

1887
01:04:14,704 --> 01:04:17,010
Not every decision is made by JB.

1888
01:04:17,390 --> 01:04:20,130
So doms and subs can can feel

1889
01:04:21,470 --> 01:04:24,590
the the exhaustion of both decision fatigue and

1890
01:04:24,590 --> 01:04:26,930
carrying a mental load for too long. And

1891
01:04:27,710 --> 01:04:30,349
it's like anything else. When you are exhausted,

1892
01:04:30,349 --> 01:04:32,605
when you cannot be be your best self,

1893
01:04:32,605 --> 01:04:35,005
when you cannot, you know, you can't just

1894
01:04:35,005 --> 01:04:36,204
think your way out of it and get

1895
01:04:36,204 --> 01:04:38,364
back to, like, good humor. It's gonna come

1896
01:04:38,364 --> 01:04:40,125
out in different ways, and it's gonna be

1897
01:04:40,204 --> 01:04:42,605
become a source of conflict typically because you

1898
01:04:42,605 --> 01:04:44,204
haven't talked about it, typically because you're not

1899
01:04:44,204 --> 01:04:46,799
sharing the load, typically because, you know, you're

1900
01:04:46,799 --> 01:04:49,199
putting pressure on yourself that your partner may

1901
01:04:49,199 --> 01:04:49,699
not

1902
01:04:50,319 --> 01:04:52,239
never want you to be under. You know,

1903
01:04:52,239 --> 01:04:53,679
there are many of us who will walk

1904
01:04:53,679 --> 01:04:55,839
around carrying the weight of our whole lives

1905
01:04:56,079 --> 01:04:57,864
Mhmm. And our partners' lives and our family's

1906
01:04:57,864 --> 01:04:59,704
lives on our shoulder and never fucking say

1907
01:04:59,704 --> 01:05:01,405
a thing, but, man, we will be

1908
01:05:02,265 --> 01:05:04,025
she she will I will be a bitch

1909
01:05:04,025 --> 01:05:06,445
from fucking hell about it. And now

1910
01:05:07,545 --> 01:05:10,844
now nobody's happy and I'm fucking exhausted. Right?

1911
01:05:11,305 --> 01:05:12,659
We've got that episode for

1912
01:05:13,539 --> 01:05:14,039
Exhaustion.

1913
01:05:14,420 --> 01:05:17,239
Oh. It's a little bit like stress. Mhmm.

1914
01:05:17,780 --> 01:05:20,339
Everybody responds differently to things like exhaustion or

1915
01:05:20,339 --> 01:05:22,519
stress. But in with us,

1916
01:05:23,619 --> 01:05:26,359
some of our dumbest fucking I know.

1917
01:05:26,914 --> 01:05:29,155
Like, mini meltdowns have been well, we are

1918
01:05:29,155 --> 01:05:31,094
at the the end of our ability

1919
01:05:31,474 --> 01:05:33,155
to function because we're so exhausted. I am

1920
01:05:33,155 --> 01:05:34,614
thinking of sitting in

1921
01:05:34,994 --> 01:05:35,734
the Orlando

1922
01:05:36,114 --> 01:05:36,614
Airport

1923
01:05:36,914 --> 01:05:38,594
budget rental parking lot

1924
01:05:39,155 --> 01:05:41,094
Yes. At almost 1AM

1925
01:05:41,474 --> 01:05:43,460
trying to find our way out of the

1926
01:05:43,460 --> 01:05:45,639
airport and back to the turnbuck.

1927
01:05:46,659 --> 01:05:49,219
We made the youngest cry. She was so

1928
01:05:49,219 --> 01:05:51,859
stressed about how we were behaving. She just

1929
01:05:51,859 --> 01:05:54,099
burst into tears. Oh my god. I felt

1930
01:05:54,099 --> 01:05:54,920
so awful.

1931
01:05:55,614 --> 01:05:56,894
Yeah. That was a very long day. That

1932
01:05:56,894 --> 01:05:58,815
that was that was a a very long

1933
01:05:58,815 --> 01:06:01,855
day between getting out of Virginia

1934
01:06:02,175 --> 01:06:04,035
Mhmm. And then getting back.

1935
01:06:04,735 --> 01:06:05,235
And,

1936
01:06:05,695 --> 01:06:06,355
you know,

1937
01:06:07,889 --> 01:06:09,409
I had the thought in my head, you

1938
01:06:09,409 --> 01:06:11,809
know, it's it's freaking 01:00 in the morning.

1939
01:06:11,809 --> 01:06:13,650
We're gonna, you know, get our rental car

1940
01:06:13,650 --> 01:06:15,429
and we're gonna get out of here.

1941
01:06:15,969 --> 01:06:18,530
No. The half mile long line and only

1942
01:06:18,530 --> 01:06:19,815
one person working the

1943
01:06:20,454 --> 01:06:21,974
desk. Yeah. It was it was a rough

1944
01:06:21,974 --> 01:06:23,755
night. And so I don't

1945
01:06:24,295 --> 01:06:26,954
we were not genuinely upset with each other.

1946
01:06:27,014 --> 01:06:28,694
We were we were at we were at

1947
01:06:28,694 --> 01:06:30,855
our our breaking point, and we lashed out

1948
01:06:30,855 --> 01:06:31,829
at each other. Right.

1949
01:06:32,550 --> 01:06:34,309
Had we not been so exhausted, we would

1950
01:06:34,309 --> 01:06:35,829
have laughed through that. We would have joked

1951
01:06:35,829 --> 01:06:37,849
through that because that's sort of our normal

1952
01:06:38,309 --> 01:06:40,710
demeanor. Right? It was, again, like the,

1953
01:06:41,670 --> 01:06:42,950
what do you call it? Like, almost the

1954
01:06:42,950 --> 01:06:45,450
perfect storm that everything just kind of

1955
01:06:46,215 --> 01:06:47,855
dealt together. Those are times when we're gonna

1956
01:06:48,055 --> 01:06:49,974
the wrong way. We're gonna be in it

1957
01:06:49,974 --> 01:06:51,655
together and that we're gonna have a moment

1958
01:06:51,655 --> 01:06:53,575
together where we kinda go at one another.

1959
01:06:53,575 --> 01:06:54,775
Mhmm. And when I say go at one

1960
01:06:54,775 --> 01:06:56,535
another, we are not insulting each other. We

1961
01:06:56,535 --> 01:06:59,015
are not screaming at one another. We typically

1962
01:06:59,015 --> 01:07:01,114
are just not speaking to one another

1963
01:07:01,489 --> 01:07:03,010
in the way we normally would. We do

1964
01:07:03,010 --> 01:07:04,630
not we're not there's no sense of humor.

1965
01:07:05,010 --> 01:07:05,989
It's very sharp,

1966
01:07:07,170 --> 01:07:09,589
things that you could normally just say calmly

1967
01:07:09,889 --> 01:07:12,049
and it would mean nothing. You just use

1968
01:07:12,049 --> 01:07:14,289
a tone. My whole lot my whole childhood

1969
01:07:14,289 --> 01:07:15,569
I heard. It's not what you say, it's

1970
01:07:15,569 --> 01:07:16,630
how you say it.

1971
01:07:18,954 --> 01:07:20,655
So that that happens, right?

1972
01:07:20,954 --> 01:07:22,175
I have noticed

1973
01:07:22,954 --> 01:07:24,875
you're pretty good at this too. If I

1974
01:07:24,875 --> 01:07:26,815
know you're the exhausted one,

1975
01:07:27,514 --> 01:07:28,014
I

1976
01:07:28,635 --> 01:07:30,960
try to keep that in mind and step

1977
01:07:30,960 --> 01:07:33,119
carefully. Right? Like, if you get if you

1978
01:07:33,119 --> 01:07:34,960
are clearly annoyed, but I know it's because

1979
01:07:34,960 --> 01:07:37,039
you're tired, I don't take that personally because

1980
01:07:37,039 --> 01:07:38,320
I'm like, oh, he's fucked. Now if he

1981
01:07:38,320 --> 01:07:39,920
did it all the time, then I'd be

1982
01:07:39,920 --> 01:07:41,139
like, wait. Woah. Woah. Woah. Woah.

1983
01:07:41,840 --> 01:07:43,724
Woah. I'm not I didn't do this. I'm

1984
01:07:43,724 --> 01:07:44,465
not at fault

1985
01:07:45,005 --> 01:07:46,224
here. You know? What are we doing?

1986
01:07:46,605 --> 01:07:48,204
You're kind of the same way when when

1987
01:07:48,204 --> 01:07:49,265
you can tell I'm

1988
01:07:49,644 --> 01:07:52,785
exhausted and especially if I'm losing my filter.

1989
01:07:53,005 --> 01:07:53,505
Yeah.

1990
01:07:54,285 --> 01:07:55,965
You know? You just sort of treat me

1991
01:07:55,965 --> 01:07:56,864
in a way that's

1992
01:07:57,329 --> 01:07:57,989
not, what's

1993
01:07:58,530 --> 01:08:00,610
there's which word I want? I hate it.

1994
01:08:00,610 --> 01:08:02,369
Not in a oh, I can't think of

1995
01:08:02,369 --> 01:08:04,610
the word I want. Excuse me. In a

1996
01:08:04,610 --> 01:08:06,809
gentle way, like you're you

1997
01:08:07,250 --> 01:08:09,750
you know that I could snap, so

1998
01:08:10,289 --> 01:08:12,558
you keep your humor little bit better. You

1999
01:08:12,558 --> 01:08:14,546
tend to have more patience because you know

2000
01:08:14,546 --> 01:08:16,533
I'm not gonna have it. There's a there's

2001
01:08:16,533 --> 01:08:18,521
a term I can't think of. But, you

2002
01:08:18,521 --> 01:08:20,510
know, and we do that for one another

2003
01:08:20,510 --> 01:08:22,994
when we are aware Mhmm. Or we think

2004
01:08:22,994 --> 01:08:24,982
we're aware of what the other one's going.

2005
01:08:24,982 --> 01:08:26,970
Right. And that, I think, has been the,

2006
01:08:27,130 --> 01:08:29,289
you know communication is always the way. You

2007
01:08:29,289 --> 01:08:30,810
know, just say, I'm so fucking tired. I

2008
01:08:30,810 --> 01:08:32,789
can't think straight. Right? Or,

2009
01:08:33,770 --> 01:08:35,530
you know, oh, that I was not my

2010
01:08:35,530 --> 01:08:37,210
best self. That was you know, I apologize

2011
01:08:37,210 --> 01:08:39,930
for that. I'm exhausted. And this is this

2012
01:08:39,930 --> 01:08:41,685
sometimes happens when I'm tired. I'll try to

2013
01:08:41,685 --> 01:08:43,604
be better. Blah blah blah. Yes. Of course.

2014
01:08:43,604 --> 01:08:45,524
But just like the more you learn your

2015
01:08:45,524 --> 01:08:47,064
partner and you learn their moods

2016
01:08:47,764 --> 01:08:49,045
and I I wanna be careful when I

2017
01:08:49,045 --> 01:08:50,724
say that because there's this toxic thing of

2018
01:08:50,724 --> 01:08:53,045
you learn a partner's mood because you're trying

2019
01:08:53,045 --> 01:08:55,199
to prevent further trauma from having that's not

2020
01:08:55,199 --> 01:08:56,420
what I'm talking about.

2021
01:08:56,880 --> 01:08:58,659
And that's a whole separate thing and that's

2022
01:08:59,199 --> 01:09:01,520
that's no good. But in that, we are

2023
01:09:01,520 --> 01:09:03,619
collaborative and sometimes I have a good day

2024
01:09:03,920 --> 01:09:04,979
and I can carry

2025
01:09:05,600 --> 01:09:07,280
some of the load because he's not having

2026
01:09:07,280 --> 01:09:08,880
a good day. And and we go back

2027
01:09:08,880 --> 01:09:10,935
and forth, that typical give and take of

2028
01:09:10,935 --> 01:09:11,435
relationships.

2029
01:09:12,215 --> 01:09:14,475
Sometimes you're just both fucking in it.

2030
01:09:14,935 --> 01:09:15,435
Yeah.

2031
01:09:15,895 --> 01:09:18,774
We have have been very fortunate that once

2032
01:09:18,774 --> 01:09:20,135
we get out of that moment, we can

2033
01:09:20,135 --> 01:09:21,975
laugh about it. And I think that helps

2034
01:09:21,975 --> 01:09:22,875
us Yeah.

2035
01:09:23,975 --> 01:09:25,619
Not stay stuck in the conflict,

2036
01:09:26,180 --> 01:09:28,760
but also remember for the future, you know.

2037
01:09:29,860 --> 01:09:31,479
I think I have one more

2038
01:09:31,780 --> 01:09:32,600
on my list,

2039
01:09:33,140 --> 01:09:34,280
and it's miscommunication

2040
01:09:34,820 --> 01:09:35,800
and or misunderstandings.

2041
01:09:36,899 --> 01:09:38,985
You didn't hear the other person right. You

2042
01:09:38,985 --> 01:09:40,905
thought they meant that, oh, this one gets

2043
01:09:40,905 --> 01:09:42,824
us all the fucking time. One of us

2044
01:09:42,824 --> 01:09:43,324
thinks

2045
01:09:43,784 --> 01:09:45,784
the I meant blah blah blah or I

2046
01:09:45,784 --> 01:09:47,704
thought he meant blah blah blah. And we

2047
01:09:47,704 --> 01:09:50,425
didn't ask clarifying questions, and we just went

2048
01:09:50,425 --> 01:09:52,985
with our assumptions. Yep. And then Use those

2049
01:09:52,985 --> 01:09:54,780
damn damn assumptions to get you. And see

2050
01:09:54,859 --> 01:09:56,699
and I you know, I can tell you

2051
01:09:56,699 --> 01:09:58,699
ask clarifying questions. But if you think you

2052
01:09:58,699 --> 01:10:00,539
understood what the person was telling you, why

2053
01:10:00,539 --> 01:10:02,699
would you ask a clarifying question? I'm only

2054
01:10:02,699 --> 01:10:05,340
asking clarifying questions if I'm paranoid that I

2055
01:10:05,340 --> 01:10:06,539
don't know what's going on or if I

2056
01:10:06,539 --> 01:10:08,060
figured out I really don't know what's going

2057
01:10:08,060 --> 01:10:10,875
on. Now that's been a new thing because

2058
01:10:11,015 --> 01:10:12,215
I used to have a mind like a

2059
01:10:12,215 --> 01:10:14,454
steel trap, y'all. And now I don't. And

2060
01:10:14,454 --> 01:10:17,015
so I ask way more clarifying questions and

2061
01:10:17,015 --> 01:10:18,935
here's what happens. JB will get a little

2062
01:10:18,935 --> 01:10:21,255
bit aggravated because he thinks I don't know

2063
01:10:21,255 --> 01:10:23,310
exactly what she thinks happening, that I'm, like,

2064
01:10:23,470 --> 01:10:23,970
purposefully,

2065
01:10:24,750 --> 01:10:26,829
like, trying to, like, ask dumb quest I

2066
01:10:26,829 --> 01:10:28,590
don't know what the thought is, but I

2067
01:10:28,590 --> 01:10:30,449
know the annoyance. There there are

2068
01:10:31,229 --> 01:10:33,390
when I'm when I kinda get like that,

2069
01:10:33,390 --> 01:10:34,130
I'm like,

2070
01:10:34,670 --> 01:10:36,270
well, what do you mean you don't understand?

2071
01:10:36,270 --> 01:10:37,310
You should understand. You should

2072
01:10:38,824 --> 01:10:40,265
Yeah. We have had a couple times I've

2073
01:10:40,265 --> 01:10:42,585
gone, well, if I understood, I wouldn't ask

2074
01:10:42,585 --> 01:10:43,085
questions.

2075
01:10:45,465 --> 01:10:47,164
Right. Funny how that works, isn't it?

2076
01:10:49,545 --> 01:10:50,045
So

2077
01:10:51,250 --> 01:10:53,649
those and I I think people will recognize

2078
01:10:53,649 --> 01:10:55,969
the miscommunication, the misunderstanding. I mean, we all

2079
01:10:55,969 --> 01:10:57,810
have been there where you thought somebody said

2080
01:10:57,810 --> 01:10:59,989
a thing or you misheard or they misheard

2081
01:11:00,050 --> 01:11:02,369
you, and now things did not go as

2082
01:11:02,369 --> 01:11:05,109
planned or things went absolutely wrong or

2083
01:11:05,554 --> 01:11:08,274
right, like, whatever. And however we feel about

2084
01:11:08,274 --> 01:11:09,175
that in the conflict,

2085
01:11:09,635 --> 01:11:11,395
the thing that brings up some kind of

2086
01:11:11,395 --> 01:11:13,234
negative emotion for us is based on who

2087
01:11:13,234 --> 01:11:14,914
we are as a person, what we're going

2088
01:11:14,914 --> 01:11:15,975
through at that moment,

2089
01:11:16,354 --> 01:11:18,295
how that thing that happened,

2090
01:11:19,060 --> 01:11:21,539
you know, is part of a overall pattern

2091
01:11:21,539 --> 01:11:23,300
of other things that have happened. There's a

2092
01:11:23,300 --> 01:11:25,219
lot that goes into why we feel the

2093
01:11:25,219 --> 01:11:26,199
way we do

2094
01:11:26,500 --> 01:11:29,140
when something doesn't quite go right or we're,

2095
01:11:29,140 --> 01:11:29,880
you know,

2096
01:11:30,420 --> 01:11:32,420
we're in a source of conflict. Something is

2097
01:11:32,420 --> 01:11:34,260
happening. Every time I say conflict, I always

2098
01:11:34,260 --> 01:11:36,505
feel like anger, but that's just not the

2099
01:11:36,505 --> 01:11:39,005
only thing you feel in conflict, you know?

2100
01:11:39,545 --> 01:11:41,864
It's the it's probably the most common, but

2101
01:11:41,864 --> 01:11:43,545
there are so many other things you can

2102
01:11:43,545 --> 01:11:46,024
feel. Just even just aggravation. Like anger is

2103
01:11:46,024 --> 01:11:47,944
not aggravation to me. I can get to

2104
01:11:47,944 --> 01:11:51,479
angry from aggravation real fucking quick, real fucking

2105
01:11:51,479 --> 01:11:51,979
quick.

2106
01:11:52,359 --> 01:11:53,179
But I think

2107
01:11:53,880 --> 01:11:55,560
that talking about a broader view of what

2108
01:11:55,560 --> 01:11:57,560
conflict is is important in any relationship, but

2109
01:11:57,560 --> 01:11:59,479
especially in power exchange where there's a lot

2110
01:11:59,479 --> 01:12:02,814
of doms or calm, cool, collected, and in

2111
01:12:02,814 --> 01:12:05,314
control and in charge. And submissives are,

2112
01:12:05,694 --> 01:12:07,935
you know, don't have to be meek. God

2113
01:12:07,935 --> 01:12:10,755
knows. None around here. But you might be,

2114
01:12:11,215 --> 01:12:11,875
you know,

2115
01:12:12,574 --> 01:12:16,014
milder toned or respectful toner. A little bit

2116
01:12:16,014 --> 01:12:18,239
more soft spoken. Not around here, but, you

2117
01:12:18,239 --> 01:12:20,880
know, in other relationships, I hear that this

2118
01:12:20,880 --> 01:12:22,260
could be soft spoken.

2119
01:12:23,119 --> 01:12:23,619
And

2120
01:12:24,000 --> 01:12:25,539
to think about conflict

2121
01:12:26,559 --> 01:12:28,260
goes against the grain

2122
01:12:28,880 --> 01:12:31,679
of that stereotype many of us have in

2123
01:12:31,679 --> 01:12:33,215
our head of who we think we're supposed

2124
01:12:33,215 --> 01:12:34,595
to be within our role.

2125
01:12:35,534 --> 01:12:38,574
Yes. And and on good days, JB is

2126
01:12:38,574 --> 01:12:39,795
calm, cool, and collected.

2127
01:12:40,095 --> 01:12:42,494
God knows he needs to be. If I'm

2128
01:12:42,494 --> 01:12:44,175
calm, cool, and collected, let me tell you

2129
01:12:44,175 --> 01:12:46,560
the apocalypse must be outside. And I'm like,

2130
01:12:46,560 --> 01:12:48,000
okay. I've been planning for this my whole

2131
01:12:48,000 --> 01:12:50,179
life. I can handle this. Right?

2132
01:12:51,520 --> 01:12:53,460
If I am not calm, cool, and collected,

2133
01:12:54,000 --> 01:12:56,079
everything's okay in the world. I'm just the

2134
01:12:56,079 --> 01:12:58,795
hot mess. Right? So, like, yeah. He can

2135
01:12:58,795 --> 01:13:00,875
be that, but he's human. So he can

2136
01:13:00,875 --> 01:13:01,375
be,

2137
01:13:02,155 --> 01:13:04,715
you know, aggravated, and he can be sharp,

2138
01:13:04,715 --> 01:13:06,635
and he can be stern in a way

2139
01:13:06,635 --> 01:13:08,555
that I don't find fun or sexy or

2140
01:13:08,555 --> 01:13:11,300
kinky. Or, you know, he we all get

2141
01:13:11,300 --> 01:13:12,279
to have the full

2142
01:13:13,060 --> 01:13:14,840
depth and breadth of human emotion.

2143
01:13:16,020 --> 01:13:17,800
I think the part where power

2144
01:13:18,100 --> 01:13:20,680
folks in power exchange relationships get it wrong

2145
01:13:20,819 --> 01:13:21,560
is not

2146
01:13:21,939 --> 01:13:23,880
figuring out how to try to resolve it

2147
01:13:24,340 --> 01:13:25,720
as quickly as possible,

2148
01:13:26,235 --> 01:13:28,875
although not always right away. That will probably

2149
01:13:28,875 --> 01:13:30,395
be in the next episode. When we did

2150
01:13:30,395 --> 01:13:32,795
the the session for the summit, we spent

2151
01:13:32,795 --> 01:13:34,795
a whole lot of time on the very

2152
01:13:34,795 --> 01:13:37,595
first step of resolving conflict. Get the fuck

2153
01:13:37,595 --> 01:13:39,774
away from one another till you calm down.

2154
01:13:40,074 --> 01:13:40,574
Mhmm.

2155
01:13:40,970 --> 01:13:43,130
That'll be next time. Like, okay. I'm feeling

2156
01:13:43,130 --> 01:13:44,489
away. What the fuck do I do with

2157
01:13:44,489 --> 01:13:46,489
it? We will talk about that. But, you

2158
01:13:46,489 --> 01:13:48,409
know and even the things I've listed as

2159
01:13:48,409 --> 01:13:50,670
things that could cause conflict, sources of conflict,

2160
01:13:50,890 --> 01:13:52,970
things that'll make you feel something negative, and

2161
01:13:52,970 --> 01:13:55,854
now you're in some level of conflict either

2162
01:13:55,854 --> 01:13:57,314
with the person

2163
01:13:57,774 --> 01:13:59,695
or with who you think you're supposed to

2164
01:13:59,695 --> 01:14:01,774
be within your role. Like, that up in

2165
01:14:01,774 --> 01:14:04,574
and of itself is a thing. How many

2166
01:14:04,574 --> 01:14:06,335
submissives out there, I cannot be the only

2167
01:14:06,335 --> 01:14:09,199
one, have gone, oh, am I actually submissive?

2168
01:14:09,260 --> 01:14:11,579
Because I was a real fucking bitch right

2169
01:14:11,579 --> 01:14:14,300
now. I I certainly did not speak to

2170
01:14:14,300 --> 01:14:15,820
my dom the way I would prefer to

2171
01:14:15,820 --> 01:14:18,539
speak to my dom. I've questioned myself after

2172
01:14:18,539 --> 01:14:20,300
that. I've wondered, should I have gotten in

2173
01:14:20,300 --> 01:14:21,280
trouble for that?

2174
01:14:21,820 --> 01:14:23,975
We don't tend to there doesn't tend

2175
01:14:24,595 --> 01:14:25,095
to

2176
01:14:25,715 --> 01:14:27,015
be, oh my, consequences

2177
01:14:28,195 --> 01:14:30,034
for an argument like that, for that kind

2178
01:14:30,034 --> 01:14:32,055
of conflict. If I was disrespectful,

2179
01:14:33,155 --> 01:14:35,395
once we dealt with the conflict, then we

2180
01:14:35,395 --> 01:14:37,895
can deal with the behavior. But just me

2181
01:14:38,640 --> 01:14:41,039
showing that I am unhappy about something or

2182
01:14:41,039 --> 01:14:42,340
having my own feelings,

2183
01:14:42,800 --> 01:14:44,260
as long as I stay respectful,

2184
01:14:44,560 --> 01:14:47,920
that's No. That no. I'm I'm having a

2185
01:14:47,920 --> 01:14:50,319
human response. Right. And as long as I,

2186
01:14:50,319 --> 01:14:52,744
like, can contain myself myself enough not to

2187
01:14:52,744 --> 01:14:54,364
say something I'll regret later,

2188
01:14:56,024 --> 01:14:57,244
we're probably fine.

2189
01:14:58,984 --> 01:15:00,505
And the other part of that is for

2190
01:15:00,505 --> 01:15:02,344
subs out there for realizing that your doms

2191
01:15:02,344 --> 01:15:04,024
are not perfect, get them off that fucking

2192
01:15:04,024 --> 01:15:06,319
pedestal because they are gonna disappoint you in

2193
01:15:06,319 --> 01:15:07,840
small ways, in big ways, in ways that

2194
01:15:07,840 --> 01:15:09,600
you're like, but I thought you were always

2195
01:15:09,600 --> 01:15:11,439
the calm, cool, collected, bla bla bla bla

2196
01:15:11,439 --> 01:15:12,479
bla bla bla bla. I told this one

2197
01:15:12,479 --> 01:15:14,399
right from the beginning. Don't do it. And

2198
01:15:14,399 --> 01:15:15,840
I still did it. Because I'm gonna fuck

2199
01:15:15,840 --> 01:15:17,920
up. I still did it. And the day

2200
01:15:17,920 --> 01:15:18,659
it happened,

2201
01:15:19,345 --> 01:15:21,505
he actually did not do the worst possible

2202
01:15:21,505 --> 01:15:24,225
thing ever. He worried he had because he

2203
01:15:24,225 --> 01:15:25,984
had not told me the truth about something

2204
01:15:25,984 --> 01:15:26,725
and that

2205
01:15:27,104 --> 01:15:28,704
not telling me the truth was a big

2206
01:15:28,704 --> 01:15:31,125
fucking thing. And even though I knew logically

2207
01:15:31,664 --> 01:15:32,944
that I should not put him on a

2208
01:15:32,944 --> 01:15:35,045
pedestal, I had still done it,

2209
01:15:35,640 --> 01:15:36,539
not purposefully.

2210
01:15:37,159 --> 01:15:40,039
And so the actual big conflict was not

2211
01:15:40,039 --> 01:15:42,380
that he told he told me an untruth,

2212
01:15:42,680 --> 01:15:44,600
which he didn't, you know, confessed the moment

2213
01:15:44,600 --> 01:15:45,659
I figured it out.

2214
01:15:46,760 --> 01:15:48,119
And it was not a deal breaker. It

2215
01:15:48,119 --> 01:15:49,880
was not a trust breaker. It was a

2216
01:15:50,405 --> 01:15:51,784
I get why you didn't tell

2217
01:15:52,164 --> 01:15:54,085
me. I love you. You're a dumbass. You

2218
01:15:54,085 --> 01:15:55,305
should have fucking told me.

2219
01:15:55,845 --> 01:15:58,324
The the the conflict I had to contend

2220
01:15:58,324 --> 01:16:00,104
with was him not being on the pedestal

2221
01:16:00,164 --> 01:16:00,664
anymore,

2222
01:16:00,965 --> 01:16:03,125
and that's my own internal struggle. I could

2223
01:16:03,125 --> 01:16:04,485
have taken that out on him, and I

2224
01:16:04,485 --> 01:16:06,699
think sometimes that that happens to folks. You

2225
01:16:06,699 --> 01:16:08,699
thought your dom was perfect. They just proved

2226
01:16:08,699 --> 01:16:11,500
they are human and will do things you

2227
01:16:11,500 --> 01:16:13,599
don't like or they will do dumb things.

2228
01:16:13,659 --> 01:16:14,159
Mhmm.

2229
01:16:14,539 --> 01:16:17,020
And they then bear the brunt of your

2230
01:16:17,020 --> 01:16:19,199
disappointment that they're not on the pedestal anymore.

2231
01:16:20,355 --> 01:16:22,515
That was a hard moment. I could've bashed

2232
01:16:22,515 --> 01:16:23,875
out at him. He was ready to take

2233
01:16:23,875 --> 01:16:25,475
it. He felt like shit because he was

2234
01:16:25,475 --> 01:16:27,555
like, I should've fucking told you. I knew

2235
01:16:27,635 --> 01:16:28,375
you know?

2236
01:16:28,755 --> 01:16:30,595
And I didn't. And I had opportunity, and

2237
01:16:30,595 --> 01:16:31,735
I didn't tell you.

2238
01:16:32,755 --> 01:16:34,034
You know? I guess it was a good

2239
01:16:34,034 --> 01:16:35,735
brain day because I was like, oh,

2240
01:16:36,140 --> 01:16:38,060
I don't like that. But it's not I'm

2241
01:16:38,060 --> 01:16:40,220
not throwing a whole relationship away over that.

2242
01:16:40,220 --> 01:16:41,979
But, oh, I I do feel like shit

2243
01:16:41,979 --> 01:16:44,220
because I did have that I think you're

2244
01:16:44,220 --> 01:16:45,600
kind of perfect feeling

2245
01:16:46,060 --> 01:16:47,199
in my head. And

2246
01:16:48,155 --> 01:16:50,235
none of us are. None of us are.

2247
01:16:50,235 --> 01:16:53,114
So I could keep lecturing everybody about how

2248
01:16:53,114 --> 01:16:55,755
conflict is inevitable. Don't treat your partner like

2249
01:16:55,755 --> 01:16:57,354
they're perfect just because they're doing great in

2250
01:16:57,354 --> 01:16:59,295
a role that you need in your relationship

2251
01:16:59,354 --> 01:17:00,895
to feel fulfilled or whatever.

2252
01:17:01,994 --> 01:17:03,690
Also, there's no way we listed all sources

2253
01:17:03,690 --> 01:17:05,530
of conflict. You will a 100% have thought

2254
01:17:05,530 --> 01:17:07,210
of something that we did not list Right.

2255
01:17:07,369 --> 01:17:09,390
Is valid is valid. Mhmm.

2256
01:17:09,770 --> 01:17:10,270
So

2257
01:17:10,570 --> 01:17:11,930
you can see why I'm making this a

2258
01:17:11,930 --> 01:17:14,890
several episode series. Right, y'all? There's a lot

2259
01:17:14,890 --> 01:17:16,409
to say, and, of course, I can repeat

2260
01:17:16,409 --> 01:17:19,195
myself 85 times. And we have I know.

2261
01:17:19,195 --> 01:17:20,875
And when it comes to conflict, for as

2262
01:17:20,875 --> 01:17:22,235
happy as we are and as strong as

2263
01:17:22,235 --> 01:17:24,074
our relationship is, man, we could talk for

2264
01:17:24,074 --> 01:17:24,895
hours because

2265
01:17:27,435 --> 01:17:29,275
we've never had anything big and bad enough

2266
01:17:29,275 --> 01:17:30,630
for us to question our relationship.

2267
01:17:37,989 --> 01:17:40,310
Fucking percent. We're too strong personnel. Very strong

2268
01:17:40,310 --> 01:17:42,789
personnel. I know I'm not the only sub

2269
01:17:42,789 --> 01:17:44,250
in the world with control issues.

2270
01:17:44,789 --> 01:17:46,734
Part of part of what I've enjoyed about

2271
01:17:46,734 --> 01:17:48,015
being a submissive is letting go of all

2272
01:17:48,015 --> 01:17:49,895
this fucking control I usually have. And part

2273
01:17:49,895 --> 01:17:51,694
of the struggle I'm currently having as a

2274
01:17:51,694 --> 01:17:54,994
submissive is in my autonomy as a submissive

2275
01:17:55,295 --> 01:17:56,895
and being part of a bit part business

2276
01:17:56,895 --> 01:17:58,734
owner and being a parent, I have a

2277
01:17:58,734 --> 01:18:00,239
lot of control, and I'd really like to

2278
01:18:00,239 --> 01:18:01,539
hand it off to somebody.

2279
01:18:02,319 --> 01:18:03,220
I'm tired.

2280
01:18:03,920 --> 01:18:06,479
So, yeah, of course, I'm we butt heads.

2281
01:18:06,479 --> 01:18:06,979
Yeah.

2282
01:18:07,280 --> 01:18:09,119
And I you know, that doesn't make me

2283
01:18:09,119 --> 01:18:11,460
any less submissive or him any less dominant.

2284
01:18:11,555 --> 01:18:13,395
Doesn't mean there's anything wrong with our relationship.

2285
01:18:13,395 --> 01:18:15,074
It's not that we have conflict. It's how

2286
01:18:15,074 --> 01:18:16,454
the fuck we handle it.

2287
01:18:17,314 --> 01:18:19,314
Mhmm. And if we had certain kinds of

2288
01:18:19,314 --> 01:18:20,994
conflict, we would be incompatible, and we we

2289
01:18:20,994 --> 01:18:23,494
would not be sitting here today. Correct. Thankfully

2290
01:18:23,715 --> 01:18:25,314
thankfully, we do not have that kind of

2291
01:18:25,314 --> 01:18:25,619
conflict.

2292
01:18:26,579 --> 01:18:28,899
And quite frankly, yes. Sometimes the only answer

2293
01:18:28,899 --> 01:18:30,420
to how do you handle the conflict you've

2294
01:18:30,420 --> 01:18:32,739
got in your power exchange, you're not together

2295
01:18:32,739 --> 01:18:34,659
anymore or you're not in a power exchange

2296
01:18:34,659 --> 01:18:36,180
anymore. I don't want that for anybody. I

2297
01:18:36,180 --> 01:18:38,500
want everybody to have the fairy tale happy

2298
01:18:38,500 --> 01:18:40,119
ending that they want.

2299
01:18:41,274 --> 01:18:43,514
Yeah. But that's not always the answer. Not

2300
01:18:43,514 --> 01:18:44,335
with that person.

2301
01:18:45,194 --> 01:18:46,795
But we at least have to before we

2302
01:18:46,795 --> 01:18:48,074
can start figuring out what do we do

2303
01:18:48,074 --> 01:18:49,434
with the conflict, we gotta at least be

2304
01:18:49,434 --> 01:18:50,814
able to fucking name it

2305
01:18:51,194 --> 01:18:53,194
and know, you know, what it is and

2306
01:18:53,194 --> 01:18:54,554
what it looks like and what it feels

2307
01:18:54,554 --> 01:18:56,609
like and what's causing it. Because how can

2308
01:18:56,609 --> 01:18:58,369
you even talk about something until you can

2309
01:18:58,369 --> 01:18:59,029
do that?

2310
01:19:01,250 --> 01:19:02,630
And I'm done lecturing.

2311
01:19:03,170 --> 01:19:05,090
Okay. What would you say? I

2312
01:19:05,810 --> 01:19:07,010
I said it all. You said it all.

2313
01:19:07,090 --> 01:19:08,864
One of those episodes where my throat hurts

2314
01:19:08,864 --> 01:19:10,005
at the end. Yeah.

2315
01:19:13,984 --> 01:19:15,904
I could go on, but I won't. We

2316
01:19:15,904 --> 01:19:18,465
can do a bonus section. Yay. Okay. I

2317
01:19:18,465 --> 01:19:19,824
need to drink more of my Diet Coke.

2318
01:19:19,824 --> 01:19:20,944
I got so caught up I was not

2319
01:19:20,944 --> 01:19:22,784
drinking as much as it's my one Diet

2320
01:19:22,784 --> 01:19:24,119
Coke of the day. Mhmm.

2321
01:19:24,760 --> 01:19:26,760
So we're, like, living in a budget and

2322
01:19:26,760 --> 01:19:29,180
being responsible with our money. Oh.

2323
01:19:31,479 --> 01:19:34,600
Imagine that. I hate it. So, are we

2324
01:19:34,600 --> 01:19:36,060
good? I don't know.

2325
01:19:37,284 --> 01:19:39,125
Keep it kinky y'all. And we'll see you

2326
01:19:39,125 --> 01:19:40,805
next week at a new time for the

2327
01:19:40,805 --> 01:19:41,305
livestream.

2328
01:19:51,810 --> 01:19:53,649
Got it. Yes? Can we talk to the

2329
01:19:53,649 --> 01:19:55,729
crickets, please? What have you been doing all

2330
01:19:55,729 --> 01:19:57,590
this time? I've been yelling at them.

2331
01:19:58,530 --> 01:20:00,210
Let's not let's not say I've been having

2332
01:20:00,210 --> 01:20:02,369
a conversation with them. I've been lecturing and

2333
01:20:02,369 --> 01:20:02,869
waiting.

2334
01:20:04,835 --> 01:20:06,354
Do you know in my head, I always

2335
01:20:06,354 --> 01:20:07,795
sound sharper than I am, and then I'll

2336
01:20:07,795 --> 01:20:09,574
go back and listen. I'm like, oh.

2337
01:20:10,354 --> 01:20:12,994
Oh, I I sound kinda nice. Okay. In

2338
01:20:12,994 --> 01:20:13,735
my head,

2339
01:20:14,354 --> 01:20:15,954
no. In my head, I'm a bitch. I

2340
01:20:15,954 --> 01:20:17,659
mean, I am a bitch. That that's

2341
01:20:19,100 --> 01:20:20,859
it's all internal. I don't wanna talk to

2342
01:20:20,859 --> 01:20:22,060
people I don't know. I could talk to

2343
01:20:22,060 --> 01:20:23,420
y'all. I feel like I know you, and

2344
01:20:23,420 --> 01:20:25,659
also, it's my Internet connection, my camera, and

2345
01:20:25,659 --> 01:20:27,659
my mic, so I don't mind. But, like,

2346
01:20:27,659 --> 01:20:28,875
out in the real world,

2347
01:20:29,435 --> 01:20:30,954
I'm only a bitch in my head because

2348
01:20:30,954 --> 01:20:33,135
I'm not talking to strangers. What the fuck?

2349
01:20:34,234 --> 01:20:35,835
Which, speaking of that, I go to a

2350
01:20:35,835 --> 01:20:38,875
new dentist on Friday, and in five months,

2351
01:20:38,875 --> 01:20:40,654
I get a new, gynecologist

2352
01:20:41,010 --> 01:20:43,329
to talk to. That'll be fun. I'm already

2353
01:20:43,329 --> 01:20:45,569
I'm already in my head mentally preparing the

2354
01:20:45,569 --> 01:20:47,989
conversations for an appointment that is in September.

2355
01:20:49,090 --> 01:20:50,389
I'm not proud of that.

2356
01:20:50,849 --> 01:20:52,529
It just it is what it is. I've

2357
01:20:52,529 --> 01:20:55,784
been anxiously awaiting an appointment since, what, February?

2358
01:20:57,045 --> 01:20:59,764
Yeah. And it's in October. October. Yeah. I

2359
01:20:59,764 --> 01:21:02,005
think it's right at or right before our

2360
01:21:02,005 --> 01:21:03,465
wedding anniversary. Yeah.

2361
01:21:04,484 --> 01:21:05,385
Happy anniversary.

2362
01:21:05,844 --> 01:21:08,399
Let somebody go poke your hand. Yeah.

2363
01:21:10,079 --> 01:21:11,679
So everybody helping me with a word that

2364
01:21:11,679 --> 01:21:13,119
I could not find. It was actually sort

2365
01:21:13,119 --> 01:21:15,199
of the opposite of empathetic. Empathetic, yeah. You

2366
01:21:15,199 --> 01:21:16,800
want your partners to be empathetic. Try to

2367
01:21:16,800 --> 01:21:18,560
be empathetic with one another. But there's this

2368
01:21:18,560 --> 01:21:21,005
kind of condescending thing that some people do

2369
01:21:21,005 --> 01:21:23,405
when they're taking, air quote, taking care of

2370
01:21:23,405 --> 01:21:24,925
their partner or they're trying to help their

2371
01:21:24,925 --> 01:21:26,465
partner. And condescending

2372
01:21:27,324 --> 01:21:28,685
is not quite the word I want, but

2373
01:21:28,685 --> 01:21:31,164
there's a word that goes with condescending that's

2374
01:21:31,164 --> 01:21:32,925
sort of the opposite of empathetic, and I

2375
01:21:32,925 --> 01:21:34,524
could not think of that word because there

2376
01:21:34,524 --> 01:21:36,125
are people who will do that. Oh, you

2377
01:21:36,125 --> 01:21:38,539
are you are, you know, hurting or you

2378
01:21:38,539 --> 01:21:39,280
need help.

2379
01:21:39,899 --> 01:21:41,899
I'm gonna, you know, act like I'm better

2380
01:21:41,899 --> 01:21:43,439
than you and know more than you

2381
01:21:44,460 --> 01:21:45,659
to tell you what I think you ought

2382
01:21:45,659 --> 01:21:47,180
to do. And it's not the empathetic thing

2383
01:21:47,180 --> 01:21:48,859
and it is not the the kind thing.

2384
01:21:48,859 --> 01:21:50,239
It's not a helpful thing.

2385
01:21:55,994 --> 01:21:56,494
We've

2386
01:21:56,954 --> 01:21:59,675
recently finished watching the second season of The

2387
01:21:59,675 --> 01:22:00,175
Pit.

2388
01:22:00,635 --> 01:22:02,635
Fucking love that show. So far, it is

2389
01:22:02,635 --> 01:22:03,994
the only show I have found where I

2390
01:22:03,994 --> 01:22:05,994
do not pick up my phone. I'm glued

2391
01:22:05,994 --> 01:22:07,135
to the fucking screen.

2392
01:22:07,819 --> 01:22:08,800
Anyway, so,

2393
01:22:09,500 --> 01:22:10,479
bonus section.

2394
01:22:13,819 --> 01:22:16,539
Well, I'm I'm I'm stoked. I'm I'm sitting

2395
01:22:16,539 --> 01:22:19,019
here in my kilt. I know. I'm glad

2396
01:22:19,019 --> 01:22:20,774
that and you look good in it. You

2397
01:22:20,774 --> 01:22:22,935
just you look. I think you look sexy

2398
01:22:22,935 --> 01:22:24,614
in your dusty work clothes, but, I mean,

2399
01:22:24,614 --> 01:22:25,435
in a kilt,

2400
01:22:26,454 --> 01:22:28,854
I mean, a girl could remember just how

2401
01:22:28,854 --> 01:22:30,854
submissive she can fucking get is all I'm

2402
01:22:30,854 --> 01:22:32,935
saying. I I will say I I am

2403
01:22:32,935 --> 01:22:35,274
very glad to be back in the gym.

2404
01:22:35,574 --> 01:22:37,489
Yeah. I think it's been good for you.

2405
01:22:37,489 --> 01:22:38,470
And Not just physically.

2406
01:22:38,930 --> 01:22:42,210
Being, you know, being able to exercise in

2407
01:22:42,210 --> 01:22:44,609
the pool Mhmm. Has been great. Hell, just

2408
01:22:44,609 --> 01:22:47,029
getting the weight off your back. Yeah. Mhmm.

2409
01:22:48,484 --> 01:22:51,304
I am not taking doing the class

2410
01:22:51,764 --> 01:22:52,965
that they offer. No.

2411
01:22:54,885 --> 01:22:55,385
No.

2412
01:22:56,085 --> 01:22:56,585
No.

2413
01:22:57,125 --> 01:22:58,824
They do aqua aerobics,

2414
01:22:59,125 --> 01:23:01,444
aqua whatever. At this gym, they offer classes

2415
01:23:01,444 --> 01:23:03,239
throughout the week. JB did take the class

2416
01:23:03,400 --> 01:23:04,280
classes last time you were part of that

2417
01:23:04,280 --> 01:23:05,960
gym. It's been a couple years. Mhmm.

2418
01:23:06,440 --> 01:23:09,000
He he became a favorite of of because

2419
01:23:09,000 --> 01:23:10,760
it's a lot of older people. Yeah. Right?

2420
01:23:10,760 --> 01:23:12,039
And you were usually, like, one of the

2421
01:23:12,039 --> 01:23:15,260
youngest. Right? Mhmm. He was 60 then too.

2422
01:23:16,119 --> 01:23:17,965
From what I remember of what you would

2423
01:23:17,965 --> 01:23:19,265
describe of your situations,

2424
01:23:19,805 --> 01:23:20,784
several of the

2425
01:23:21,164 --> 01:23:23,324
women felt like there was fresh meat in

2426
01:23:23,324 --> 01:23:24,385
that pool. Yes.

2427
01:23:25,405 --> 01:23:27,805
Look. You can't help it because you're, like,

2428
01:23:27,805 --> 01:23:31,085
handsome and charming and, you know, respectful, and

2429
01:23:31,085 --> 01:23:33,789
people are drawn to your quiet, like, calmness.

2430
01:23:34,010 --> 01:23:36,890
I and also some look. I better be

2431
01:23:36,890 --> 01:23:38,029
a horny old lady

2432
01:23:38,810 --> 01:23:40,409
when I hit a certain point in life.

2433
01:23:40,409 --> 01:23:42,750
Okay? And have an outlet for it. Okay?

2434
01:23:43,289 --> 01:23:45,210
Just But it no. It's it's been nice

2435
01:23:45,210 --> 01:23:47,145
because doing it on my own, I've been

2436
01:23:47,145 --> 01:23:49,465
able to to target the things I need

2437
01:23:49,465 --> 01:23:50,524
to target myself.

2438
01:23:51,465 --> 01:23:51,965
And,

2439
01:23:52,345 --> 01:23:54,585
you know, I had a hard time. I

2440
01:23:54,585 --> 01:23:55,885
wasn't really seeing

2441
01:23:56,425 --> 01:23:58,744
the difference even though you kept telling me

2442
01:23:58,744 --> 01:24:00,829
there. Oh, yeah. He's like, there's no difference.

2443
01:24:00,829 --> 01:24:04,369
And I'm watching him hike up his shorts

2444
01:24:04,750 --> 01:24:06,510
because he'd either forget to wear a belt,

2445
01:24:06,510 --> 01:24:07,869
and I'm like, that's not good. You're gonna

2446
01:24:08,189 --> 01:24:10,449
Yeah. Gonna show everybody London and France.

2447
01:24:11,614 --> 01:24:13,215
Or he'd have the belt on. He was

2448
01:24:13,215 --> 01:24:15,775
still hiking. I'm like, honey, your pants falling

2449
01:24:15,775 --> 01:24:17,775
off your ass. I promise you, you have

2450
01:24:17,775 --> 01:24:18,275
lost

2451
01:24:18,735 --> 01:24:20,835
you are shrinking, my friend. You are shrinking.

2452
01:24:21,375 --> 01:24:21,695
And,

2453
01:24:22,255 --> 01:24:24,335
so, yeah, it it's been it's been working

2454
01:24:24,335 --> 01:24:26,699
out it's been working out really,

2455
01:24:27,079 --> 01:24:29,000
really well for me as far as that

2456
01:24:29,000 --> 01:24:30,780
goes. I feel like you've

2457
01:24:32,439 --> 01:24:34,859
gotten the benefits, not just the physical benefits,

2458
01:24:34,920 --> 01:24:35,399
but the,

2459
01:24:36,680 --> 01:24:39,479
the mental health benefits. Yes. You've been sort

2460
01:24:39,479 --> 01:24:40,220
of calmer.

2461
01:24:40,574 --> 01:24:42,574
Just like you take your mental health walks.

2462
01:24:42,574 --> 01:24:44,574
I know. It's become I mean, it it

2463
01:24:44,574 --> 01:24:47,375
was funny when we were talking about switching

2464
01:24:47,375 --> 01:24:48,114
the time,

2465
01:24:49,135 --> 01:24:51,135
you know, on on Wednesdays Yeah. For the

2466
01:24:51,135 --> 01:24:51,614
livestream.

2467
01:24:52,094 --> 01:24:52,835
For the livestream,

2468
01:24:54,319 --> 01:24:55,439
one of the first things I said, you

2469
01:24:55,439 --> 01:24:57,119
know, Wednesday night, my one of my gym

2470
01:24:57,119 --> 01:24:58,719
nights. I was like, so what time do

2471
01:24:58,719 --> 01:25:00,159
you want? We will work around your gym

2472
01:25:00,159 --> 01:25:02,639
night because, yes, he could he change his

2473
01:25:02,639 --> 01:25:04,159
day? Sure. But we're not gonna do that.

2474
01:25:04,159 --> 01:25:06,000
This is the routine, and we're gonna maintain

2475
01:25:06,239 --> 01:25:07,840
There's a reason for the routine. I know.

2476
01:25:07,840 --> 01:25:09,435
Because you're avoiding the old ladies at the

2477
01:25:09,435 --> 01:25:10,734
pool class. I know.

2478
01:25:12,635 --> 01:25:15,514
They're sharks. Yeah. They're sharks. Tuesdays and Thursdays

2479
01:25:15,514 --> 01:25:17,675
is when they have the the classes there

2480
01:25:17,675 --> 01:25:19,514
in the evening. So I I actually go

2481
01:25:19,514 --> 01:25:22,554
Monday, Wednesday, Friday. Mhmm. Mhmm. And you do

2482
01:25:22,554 --> 01:25:25,600
get cranky if you can't go. Yeah. Yeah.

2483
01:25:25,899 --> 01:25:26,399
I

2484
01:25:26,939 --> 01:25:27,920
it was funny.

2485
01:25:29,420 --> 01:25:31,199
I had a hard time getting started.

2486
01:25:31,899 --> 01:25:34,960
Mhmm. It's usually the hardest part. After after

2487
01:25:35,020 --> 01:25:37,114
I got signed up, it was it was

2488
01:25:37,114 --> 01:25:38,954
tough taking that first step to go. Once

2489
01:25:38,954 --> 01:25:41,215
I got past that Mhmm.

2490
01:25:41,675 --> 01:25:44,095
It got easier and easier. And now I

2491
01:25:44,235 --> 01:25:46,574
am upset when I can't go. Yeah.

2492
01:25:47,354 --> 01:25:48,875
Yeah. Yeah. I'd like to get to that

2493
01:25:48,875 --> 01:25:50,039
kind of point. I'm not to that

2494
01:25:52,039 --> 01:25:53,319
kind of point yet. So, yeah, it's it's

2495
01:25:53,319 --> 01:25:55,079
been it's been doing good for me, and

2496
01:25:55,079 --> 01:25:57,420
I I've been enjoying it. Mhmm.

2497
01:25:58,039 --> 01:26:00,060
I'm very happy for you. I'm I,

2498
01:26:01,000 --> 01:26:03,685
I was talking about about envy and jealousy.

2499
01:26:04,064 --> 01:26:05,585
I am very happy for him. This man

2500
01:26:05,585 --> 01:26:07,265
better live to be 150

2501
01:26:07,265 --> 01:26:09,345
for all I fucking care. We're going out

2502
01:26:09,345 --> 01:26:11,664
together like fucking Thelma and Louise. I do

2503
01:26:11,664 --> 01:26:13,585
not care. I will prop him up on

2504
01:26:13,585 --> 01:26:14,324
the mantle.

2505
01:26:14,704 --> 01:26:16,920
If I need to, he's not leaving me.

2506
01:26:17,800 --> 01:26:19,560
All of that is true. I want him

2507
01:26:19,560 --> 01:26:21,000
to be as physically healthy as he is

2508
01:26:21,000 --> 01:26:23,159
capable of. Will be leaning against each other

2509
01:26:23,159 --> 01:26:25,159
holding one another up. I might I might

2510
01:26:25,159 --> 01:26:26,840
get her stuffed. Just I don't think you

2511
01:26:26,840 --> 01:26:28,359
could live without her. We need them

2512
01:26:29,000 --> 01:26:33,175
anyway. Mhmm. So I am always grateful that

2513
01:26:33,175 --> 01:26:35,975
if he changes a food habit, works out

2514
01:26:35,975 --> 01:26:38,715
more, he becomes healthier. He becomes physically fitter.

2515
01:26:38,775 --> 01:26:40,635
I fucking love that for him.

2516
01:26:41,015 --> 01:26:43,195
But I will cry very real tears.

2517
01:26:44,159 --> 01:26:44,659
There's

2518
01:26:45,119 --> 01:26:47,360
so far been not a fucking thing I

2519
01:26:47,360 --> 01:26:48,180
have done.

2520
01:26:49,440 --> 01:26:51,539
Yielded the same results. This man

2521
01:26:52,320 --> 01:26:53,380
stopped eating

2522
01:26:54,000 --> 01:26:57,175
Swiss Rolls, essentially, other things. But that's basically

2523
01:26:57,234 --> 01:26:59,074
what he did, and he dropped 10 pounds

2524
01:26:59,074 --> 01:27:00,994
before he started going to the gym. I

2525
01:27:00,994 --> 01:27:03,394
was like, I am so happy for you

2526
01:27:03,635 --> 01:27:06,354
Yeah. Also. I hate this for me. I've

2527
01:27:06,354 --> 01:27:08,994
I've put pretty much about 75%

2528
01:27:08,994 --> 01:27:09,734
ball sugar.

2529
01:27:10,039 --> 01:27:12,279
Yeah. Without and you still, like, you still

2530
01:27:12,279 --> 01:27:14,760
have indulgences. We don't completely go without. Not

2531
01:27:14,760 --> 01:27:17,000
at all. You just you had yeah. You

2532
01:27:17,000 --> 01:27:19,319
kinda gotten on an emotional eating thing, and

2533
01:27:19,479 --> 01:27:21,159
I did. It got a little out of

2534
01:27:21,159 --> 01:27:22,140
control. Mhmm.

2535
01:27:22,520 --> 01:27:24,119
And now you got it back under control.

2536
01:27:24,119 --> 01:27:24,619
Yep.

2537
01:27:25,895 --> 01:27:27,835
I want him to have good brain health.

2538
01:27:27,975 --> 01:27:29,414
I want him to be as physically fit

2539
01:27:29,414 --> 01:27:31,895
as he is capable of being, which that's

2540
01:27:31,895 --> 01:27:33,574
a that's a range for everybody. Right?

2541
01:27:35,494 --> 01:27:38,199
I the I really did not regret whatever

2542
01:27:38,199 --> 01:27:39,880
we spent on your hearing aids when I

2543
01:27:39,880 --> 01:27:41,340
read an article that said,

2544
01:27:42,680 --> 01:27:44,600
folks who lose their hearing, they were hearing

2545
01:27:44,600 --> 01:27:45,720
and then they slowly lose it and they

2546
01:27:45,720 --> 01:27:48,520
have hearing loss. Higher chance for Alzheimer's. I

2547
01:27:48,520 --> 01:27:50,460
was like, oh, and that's for

2548
01:27:50,814 --> 01:27:52,335
different senses, and it's not just hearing. I

2549
01:27:52,335 --> 01:27:53,135
think it's

2550
01:27:53,534 --> 01:27:55,534
there's, like, your sense of smell too, which

2551
01:27:55,534 --> 01:27:56,654
makes me a little nervous for you because

2552
01:27:56,654 --> 01:27:58,175
you don't have a sense of smell, but

2553
01:27:58,175 --> 01:28:01,054
you got your hearing back. Yeah. I'll whatever

2554
01:28:01,054 --> 01:28:02,909
we gotta do to keep this man going

2555
01:28:03,150 --> 01:28:05,710
until I'm ready to leave this earthly plane.

2556
01:28:05,710 --> 01:28:06,210
Okay?

2557
01:28:08,189 --> 01:28:08,689
But

2558
01:28:09,470 --> 01:28:09,970
yeah.

2559
01:28:10,750 --> 01:28:12,750
I the the thing with my own envy,

2560
01:28:12,750 --> 01:28:12,829
I

2561
01:28:13,550 --> 01:28:15,630
we are I can express that. I didn't

2562
01:28:15,630 --> 01:28:16,989
have to sit and fester. I could just

2563
01:28:16,989 --> 01:28:18,435
be like, I'm so happy for for you,

2564
01:28:18,435 --> 01:28:20,534
and I'm really sad for me.

2565
01:28:22,274 --> 01:28:22,774
It's

2566
01:28:23,314 --> 01:28:25,895
fine. So It's fine. It's fine. But,

2567
01:28:26,514 --> 01:28:28,514
yeah, it it's it's gone very well for

2568
01:28:28,514 --> 01:28:30,774
me. I'm very Mhmm. Very happy.

2569
01:28:31,154 --> 01:28:31,654
Mhmm.

2570
01:28:32,179 --> 01:28:33,539
Hopefully, when I go back to see the

2571
01:28:33,539 --> 01:28:34,760
doctor, they'll be

2572
01:28:35,300 --> 01:28:38,039
Well, our our our primary care will be

2573
01:28:38,260 --> 01:28:40,420
ecstatic. Yeah. She will give me side eye,

2574
01:28:40,420 --> 01:28:42,659
but she'll be ecstatic for you. I kind

2575
01:28:42,659 --> 01:28:44,179
of wish you had a follow-up with the

2576
01:28:44,179 --> 01:28:46,179
GI doctor because you did all these changes

2577
01:28:46,179 --> 01:28:48,024
because the GI doctor was like, your liver.

2578
01:28:48,024 --> 01:28:49,944
Your liver. Right. And so it's like, okay.

2579
01:28:49,944 --> 01:28:51,545
Well, can we get a follow-up? Is it,

2580
01:28:51,545 --> 01:28:52,764
like, anything better?

2581
01:28:53,304 --> 01:28:55,864
And and, you know, that's yeah. That's something

2582
01:28:55,864 --> 01:28:57,784
I have to talk with because, like, you

2583
01:28:57,784 --> 01:28:59,719
know, I'm doing all these things. How do

2584
01:28:59,719 --> 01:29:00,760
I know if I'm heading in the right

2585
01:29:00,760 --> 01:29:03,100
direction? Right. Is anything improving? Right.

2586
01:29:03,800 --> 01:29:04,840
Yeah. So

2587
01:29:05,319 --> 01:29:06,539
yep. Mhmm.

2588
01:29:08,279 --> 01:29:10,279
And, other than that, I've been working my

2589
01:29:10,279 --> 01:29:11,659
butt off in the shop.

2590
01:29:11,960 --> 01:29:12,460
Mhmm.

2591
01:29:13,000 --> 01:29:14,140
I gave you a big

2592
01:29:15,145 --> 01:29:17,305
We've been restocking left, right, and center. I

2593
01:29:17,305 --> 01:29:19,305
got some thick sticks in the back. Just

2594
01:29:19,305 --> 01:29:21,385
for free wood butter. Big restock on on,

2595
01:29:21,784 --> 01:29:23,465
roughriders. Thekingcree.com.

2596
01:29:23,465 --> 01:29:25,064
We are gonna have a sale. I'm not

2597
01:29:25,064 --> 01:29:27,784
trying to diminish our our revenue right now,

2598
01:29:27,784 --> 01:29:30,069
but I think if you are here to

2599
01:29:30,069 --> 01:29:31,670
a bitter end and you're still listening to

2600
01:29:31,670 --> 01:29:33,590
us Mhmm. You should know there's a discount

2601
01:29:33,590 --> 01:29:34,869
coming. I just don't know when it'll start.

2602
01:29:34,869 --> 01:29:36,390
I'm waiting for one more product to be

2603
01:29:36,390 --> 01:29:37,909
restocked. And I am in the process of

2604
01:29:37,909 --> 01:29:40,010
making that. That would be the infamous

2605
01:29:40,310 --> 01:29:42,170
Thumpers. Yep. And

2606
01:29:42,550 --> 01:29:43,930
can I t can I

2607
01:29:44,235 --> 01:29:46,635
mention the thing, or do you wanna Go

2608
01:29:46,635 --> 01:29:47,854
ahead? So

2609
01:29:48,235 --> 01:29:50,555
the original Thumper, the Thumper is very quiet.

2610
01:29:50,555 --> 01:29:53,435
It's very thuddy. Mhmm. We literally sold out,

2611
01:29:53,435 --> 01:29:55,515
like, within hours the first day. We did

2612
01:29:55,515 --> 01:29:57,195
not have enough. We will not have enough

2613
01:29:57,195 --> 01:29:58,555
the next time because we just don't have

2614
01:29:58,555 --> 01:30:00,420
enough wood. But we thought it was going

2615
01:30:00,420 --> 01:30:02,979
to be an even more limited restock because

2616
01:30:02,979 --> 01:30:04,359
Jamie's working on them now,

2617
01:30:04,739 --> 01:30:05,239
because

2618
01:30:05,539 --> 01:30:08,279
he uses two inches by two inches

2619
01:30:08,739 --> 01:30:09,880
thick wood,

2620
01:30:10,260 --> 01:30:11,619
and he had some of that wood. Two

2621
01:30:11,619 --> 01:30:13,704
by two squares. Right. He had some of

2622
01:30:13,704 --> 01:30:15,885
that wood, but he also had smaller wood.

2623
01:30:16,104 --> 01:30:17,545
And we don't like wood to go to

2624
01:30:17,545 --> 01:30:18,744
waste. I was like, can that wood be

2625
01:30:18,744 --> 01:30:21,065
used for anything else? Probably not. Maybe not.

2626
01:30:21,065 --> 01:30:22,824
Blah blah blah. So I threw out the

2627
01:30:22,824 --> 01:30:25,145
suggestion of what if we had our standard

2628
01:30:25,145 --> 01:30:27,545
size thumper, which by the time it's turned

2629
01:30:27,545 --> 01:30:28,284
it's like

2630
01:30:28,770 --> 01:30:30,149
one and three quarter inch

2631
01:30:30,770 --> 01:30:32,929
wide thick, however you want it. And it's

2632
01:30:32,929 --> 01:30:34,770
round. It's a it looks it looks like

2633
01:30:34,770 --> 01:30:36,630
a Billy Club is what it looks like.

2634
01:30:37,250 --> 01:30:38,770
I was like, well, for the smaller wood,

2635
01:30:38,770 --> 01:30:41,010
could we not just do a smaller version

2636
01:30:41,010 --> 01:30:43,489
and have two sizes? Maybe not always. Maybe

2637
01:30:43,489 --> 01:30:45,525
not as a constant restock. And at first,

2638
01:30:45,525 --> 01:30:46,805
it was like, no. No. No. And I

2639
01:30:46,805 --> 01:30:49,204
went, okay. Because I'm not the toymaker, y'all.

2640
01:30:49,204 --> 01:30:50,744
I throw out the ideas,

2641
01:30:51,204 --> 01:30:52,485
but that's because I don't have to stand

2642
01:30:52,485 --> 01:30:53,784
there and make them. Mhmm.

2643
01:30:54,324 --> 01:30:55,925
And somebody came back and went, I've thought

2644
01:30:55,925 --> 01:30:58,880
about it. At least every so often, yes.

2645
01:30:58,880 --> 01:31:00,640
Because we do not we do not wood

2646
01:31:00,640 --> 01:31:02,479
is expensive, y'all. We do not let wood

2647
01:31:02,479 --> 01:31:04,479
go to waste around here. And we've been

2648
01:31:04,479 --> 01:31:06,880
gifted wood from some of, you know, friends

2649
01:31:06,880 --> 01:31:09,520
you had, and it's like, we're not letting

2650
01:31:09,520 --> 01:31:11,385
that go to waste. No. If we can

2651
01:31:11,385 --> 01:31:13,545
make it into some kinky fuckery shit, we

2652
01:31:13,545 --> 01:31:14,925
will. Yeah. I mean,

2653
01:31:15,305 --> 01:31:17,305
I I did not think I had that

2654
01:31:17,305 --> 01:31:20,104
many shorts. Yeah. You know, I thought I

2655
01:31:20,104 --> 01:31:22,104
really had much more than that. But then

2656
01:31:22,104 --> 01:31:25,270
when I really went through the pile and

2657
01:31:25,270 --> 01:31:26,650
saw the amount of shorts,

2658
01:31:27,430 --> 01:31:29,829
like, gotta do something. So all I'm waiting

2659
01:31:29,829 --> 01:31:31,869
on the what is left to be restocked

2660
01:31:32,150 --> 01:31:34,390
Mhmm. That will be restocked before sale starts

2661
01:31:34,390 --> 01:31:36,385
is the thumpers. Yeah. I've actually had to

2662
01:31:36,385 --> 01:31:37,425
take them off the site because we were

2663
01:31:37,425 --> 01:31:40,145
getting so many sign ups for when they're

2664
01:31:40,145 --> 01:31:41,525
back at the restock notice

2665
01:31:42,145 --> 01:31:43,824
that not everybody would purchase from it. There

2666
01:31:43,824 --> 01:31:45,345
would be so many, we wouldn't even have

2667
01:31:45,345 --> 01:31:47,505
any for a sale. So What what held

2668
01:31:47,505 --> 01:31:49,170
me back a little bit with those,

2669
01:31:50,130 --> 01:31:51,590
when I had the old lathe

2670
01:31:52,609 --> 01:31:53,590
I had bought

2671
01:31:54,210 --> 01:31:55,909
what they called a steady rest

2672
01:31:56,449 --> 01:31:58,369
it's used for spindle work when you have

2673
01:31:58,369 --> 01:32:00,369
long when you're doing longer spindle work on

2674
01:32:00,369 --> 01:32:02,609
the lathe this gives center support so you

2675
01:32:02,609 --> 01:32:03,510
don't get any

2676
01:32:03,969 --> 01:32:06,104
flex or bowing in what you're working on.

2677
01:32:06,104 --> 01:32:08,024
So it turns right. So, yeah. Lay people

2678
01:32:08,024 --> 01:32:10,444
like me. Mhmm. So it's round. And,

2679
01:32:11,465 --> 01:32:12,984
did not think about it at the time

2680
01:32:12,984 --> 01:32:14,824
when I upgraded to the new lay last

2681
01:32:14,824 --> 01:32:15,324
year.

2682
01:32:15,944 --> 01:32:17,965
Which is almost paid off. Yep.

2683
01:32:18,824 --> 01:32:20,284
When upgraded to that,

2684
01:32:21,439 --> 01:32:23,619
did not catch right away that it would

2685
01:32:24,320 --> 01:32:25,939
not fit right

2686
01:32:26,720 --> 01:32:27,860
on the new lathe.

2687
01:32:29,199 --> 01:32:29,699
And,

2688
01:32:30,800 --> 01:32:32,260
luckily I was able

2689
01:32:33,360 --> 01:32:34,820
to re engineer it,

2690
01:32:35,505 --> 01:32:37,744
So now it does fit on the new

2691
01:32:37,744 --> 01:32:39,265
lathe and and, man, I can just push

2692
01:32:39,265 --> 01:32:40,645
forward with this stuff now.

2693
01:32:40,985 --> 01:32:41,485
Mhmm.

2694
01:32:41,824 --> 01:32:42,324
Yep.

2695
01:32:42,784 --> 01:32:44,945
So, yeah, that's Never happen. I won't I

2696
01:32:44,945 --> 01:32:46,545
don't wanna start the sale until we get

2697
01:32:46,545 --> 01:32:48,005
some more thumpers. Mhmm.

2698
01:32:49,505 --> 01:32:50,965
We won't be doing a

2699
01:32:51,420 --> 01:32:54,380
diabolical stick restock until the May because that's

2700
01:32:54,380 --> 01:32:56,380
on our schedule. Those get restocked every couple

2701
01:32:56,380 --> 01:32:57,039
of months.

2702
01:32:58,140 --> 01:33:00,220
Hopefully, like evil sticks and other things might

2703
01:33:00,220 --> 01:33:02,140
get restocked Yeah. For the sale. But though

2704
01:33:02,300 --> 01:33:04,340
he can make those relatively quickly. So Right.

2705
01:33:04,460 --> 01:33:06,694
I don't worry about that. But thumpers were

2706
01:33:06,694 --> 01:33:08,954
so popular last time we put them out,

2707
01:33:09,015 --> 01:33:11,515
and people I'm getting when I get DMs

2708
01:33:11,574 --> 01:33:13,895
on social media for, like, where is this

2709
01:33:13,895 --> 01:33:16,055
product, I know it's one like, we have

2710
01:33:16,055 --> 01:33:17,994
to bust ass to get it back out.

2711
01:33:19,255 --> 01:33:19,755
So,

2712
01:33:20,770 --> 01:33:22,130
yeah, when we do a sale, I like

2713
01:33:22,130 --> 01:33:23,909
to be as stocked as we can.

2714
01:33:24,289 --> 01:33:25,810
Yeah. So that's what we're waiting on. And

2715
01:33:25,810 --> 01:33:27,250
with all this stuff I've been doing in

2716
01:33:27,250 --> 01:33:28,689
the shop, I've been getting to feel like

2717
01:33:28,689 --> 01:33:31,029
I'm a poster child for a liquid bandage.

2718
01:33:31,489 --> 01:33:32,469
Yeah. But

2719
01:33:33,185 --> 01:33:35,744
Came outside to the shop yesterday or you

2720
01:33:35,744 --> 01:33:37,265
came in something. I saw your hand. You

2721
01:33:37,265 --> 01:33:37,925
were pointing,

2722
01:33:38,225 --> 01:33:40,484
and there was a smudge where clearly

2723
01:33:40,944 --> 01:33:42,965
he had hurt himself. And then I saw

2724
01:33:43,265 --> 01:33:44,164
the glossy

2725
01:33:45,000 --> 01:33:46,599
overlay on the skin. I was like, oh,

2726
01:33:46,599 --> 01:33:47,819
he sprayed himself

2727
01:33:48,359 --> 01:33:50,840
with the fire that is liquid bandage. He

2728
01:33:50,840 --> 01:33:52,599
has offered when I've cut myself, I'm like,

2729
01:33:52,599 --> 01:33:54,359
you're not coming near me with that. I

2730
01:33:54,359 --> 01:33:56,359
mean, are are you trying to burn the

2731
01:33:56,359 --> 01:33:58,139
flesh off my bones? I'm

2732
01:33:58,774 --> 01:34:00,774
I'd rather you just pour straight fucking alcohol

2733
01:34:00,774 --> 01:34:02,474
on it. No. No.

2734
01:34:02,854 --> 01:34:04,234
No. I'll just bleed.

2735
01:34:04,774 --> 01:34:06,694
Just give me a bandage. I'll just bleed.

2736
01:34:06,694 --> 01:34:07,594
It'll be fine.

2737
01:34:08,135 --> 01:34:10,614
I'm a good clotter. Okay? So I don't

2738
01:34:10,614 --> 01:34:11,354
have to worry.

2739
01:34:13,449 --> 01:34:14,750
It's fine. Okay.

2740
01:34:16,489 --> 01:34:18,890
That liquid, baby. That is from the fiery

2741
01:34:18,890 --> 01:34:21,210
pits of fucking hell. Okay? No. I don't

2742
01:34:21,210 --> 01:34:23,069
care how good it is. I nope.

2743
01:34:23,449 --> 01:34:25,149
Nope. Get that shit away from me.

2744
01:34:26,685 --> 01:34:28,685
Thankfully, he has not been letting me do

2745
01:34:28,685 --> 01:34:30,364
things in the shop where I could cut

2746
01:34:30,364 --> 01:34:33,085
myself. Mm-mm. I don't know if that's a

2747
01:34:33,085 --> 01:34:35,185
happy accident. That's on purpose.

2748
01:34:37,989 --> 01:34:40,470
Because even though the rule is Kayla doesn't

2749
01:34:40,630 --> 01:34:43,270
does not work with, like, spinning blades, like,

2750
01:34:43,270 --> 01:34:45,590
I'm not doing the saws. Things now. No.

2751
01:34:45,590 --> 01:34:47,109
I do I am allowed to use a

2752
01:34:47,109 --> 01:34:49,829
putty knife, and I have cut myself multiple

2753
01:34:49,829 --> 01:34:52,070
times with a rogue putty knife. So

2754
01:34:52,564 --> 01:34:54,264
Yep. You do have to watch me.

2755
01:34:55,045 --> 01:34:56,725
I promise none of our DNA is on

2756
01:34:56,725 --> 01:34:58,264
the product, please. So

2757
01:34:58,564 --> 01:35:00,904
I get me an alcohol wipe real quick.

2758
01:35:01,364 --> 01:35:03,125
It looks like our DNA is gonna be

2759
01:35:03,125 --> 01:35:03,784
on something.

2760
01:35:10,560 --> 01:35:12,800
Okay. Yeah. It's it Yeah. This one this

2761
01:35:12,800 --> 01:35:14,399
one ran long. Oh, I wanna go back

2762
01:35:14,399 --> 01:35:16,479
to the live chat because thanks to the

2763
01:35:16,479 --> 01:35:18,560
folks who try to find my words for

2764
01:35:18,560 --> 01:35:19,060
me.

2765
01:35:19,920 --> 01:35:22,574
It was stupidly obvious. The silent patronizing

2766
01:35:23,114 --> 01:35:24,554
was the word I was looking for. I

2767
01:35:24,554 --> 01:35:26,414
think I was thinking of another word adjacent

2768
01:35:26,715 --> 01:35:29,114
to being patronizing, but patronizing was is essentially

2769
01:35:29,114 --> 01:35:31,194
what I was looking for. Yeah. Yeah. Thank

2770
01:35:31,194 --> 01:35:33,435
you. That word that word I could not

2771
01:35:33,435 --> 01:35:34,255
think of.

2772
01:35:35,194 --> 01:35:35,694
So,

2773
01:35:36,989 --> 01:35:39,069
yeah, I guess we can go Yeah.

2774
01:35:39,390 --> 01:35:40,369
And be done.

2775
01:35:40,829 --> 01:35:42,750
I'm gonna just move the camera back a

2776
01:35:42,750 --> 01:35:44,189
little bit. So just show your kilt. Okay.

2777
01:35:44,189 --> 01:35:46,109
My customer's name very end of the If

2778
01:35:46,109 --> 01:35:47,229
you would like to see JB in a

2779
01:35:47,229 --> 01:35:48,670
kilt, you have to come to this particular

2780
01:35:48,670 --> 01:35:50,430
video, which is linked in the show notes

2781
01:35:50,430 --> 01:35:52,240
when this episode was live for you. And

2782
01:35:52,240 --> 01:35:53,832
just fast forward to the very end, and

2783
01:35:53,832 --> 01:35:55,422
you'll get to see JB in a a

2784
01:35:55,422 --> 01:35:57,012
kilt. But he does have to move the

2785
01:35:57,012 --> 01:35:58,603
camera for it. Yep. I can move the

2786
01:35:58,603 --> 01:36:00,391
camera for it. Okay. Why don't you You

2787
01:36:00,391 --> 01:36:02,180
trust me with Yeah. Go ahead. Now could

2788
01:36:02,180 --> 01:36:03,970
I just we do the lens? Sure. But

2789
01:36:03,970 --> 01:36:05,560
I'm not allowed to do the lens. No.

2790
01:36:05,560 --> 01:36:08,000
No. Because we'll never get it back the

2791
01:36:08,000 --> 01:36:09,920
way that it should have been if I

2792
01:36:09,920 --> 01:36:10,579
do that.

2793
01:36:11,199 --> 01:36:13,760
Now hopefully, I don't drop everything as the

2794
01:36:13,760 --> 01:36:14,260
camera

2795
01:36:14,639 --> 01:36:17,119
travels back. Oh, I see your knees. That

2796
01:36:17,119 --> 01:36:20,099
should don't flash anybody. Trying not to.

2797
01:36:20,664 --> 01:36:22,024
Yeah. It's you in a kilt. I am

2798
01:36:22,104 --> 01:36:23,304
Back up a little bit more so we

2799
01:36:23,304 --> 01:36:24,744
could see more of your knee. I am

2800
01:36:24,744 --> 01:36:27,304
I am so stoked to be able to

2801
01:36:27,304 --> 01:36:29,145
wear this thing again. And man, when you

2802
01:36:29,145 --> 01:36:30,984
pair it with your and you got a

2803
01:36:30,984 --> 01:36:32,425
little butt so you like you got that

2804
01:36:32,425 --> 01:36:33,804
skirt coming up in the back.

2805
01:36:34,344 --> 01:36:35,864
As somebody with a butt, I know that

2806
01:36:35,864 --> 01:36:36,329
feeling.

2807
01:36:36,810 --> 01:36:38,909
Just saying. Okay. I'll bring it back forward.

2808
01:36:39,050 --> 01:36:40,329
Look at me with the camera. I can't

2809
01:36:40,329 --> 01:36:42,250
believe you trust me with the tripod and

2810
01:36:42,250 --> 01:36:44,109
the camera. The very expensive camera.

2811
01:36:44,570 --> 01:36:45,770
Hey. You got it right on the mark

2812
01:36:45,770 --> 01:36:47,369
there. That's why the mark is there. So

2813
01:36:47,369 --> 01:36:49,289
I could get it right there. And, yes.

2814
01:36:49,289 --> 01:36:50,270
Silent. Yes.

2815
01:36:51,274 --> 01:36:53,274
Sir Richard is in the corner over there

2816
01:36:53,274 --> 01:36:55,194
on the south side of the corner. Yeah.

2817
01:36:55,194 --> 01:36:55,694
Yeah.

2818
01:36:56,074 --> 01:36:56,395
So

2819
01:36:56,954 --> 01:36:59,034
that would be Sir Richard of Aubergine. Aubergine.

2820
01:36:59,034 --> 01:37:01,614
Yeah. A giant purple penis.

2821
01:37:03,289 --> 01:37:04,829
Yeah. Oh, there I am.

2822
01:37:05,289 --> 01:37:06,890
The delay caught up. The delay caught up.

2823
01:37:06,890 --> 01:37:09,069
Yeah. You look so good.

2824
01:37:09,689 --> 01:37:12,670
Yeah. Anybody with a booty knows the, the

2825
01:37:13,130 --> 01:37:15,130
skirt that goes up in the back. Yeah.

2826
01:37:15,130 --> 01:37:17,050
Yeah. Me too. There's back in the day

2827
01:37:17,050 --> 01:37:19,234
when I would wear, like, stuff like that,

2828
01:37:19,395 --> 01:37:20,914
there were certain things I would not wear

2829
01:37:20,914 --> 01:37:23,314
because Ah. It didn't matter if it was,

2830
01:37:23,555 --> 01:37:25,414
reasonable to me in the front,

2831
01:37:25,954 --> 01:37:27,715
ass cheeks to be hanging out. So what

2832
01:37:27,715 --> 01:37:30,274
happens when you got curves back there? There's

2833
01:37:30,274 --> 01:37:31,050
plenty of junk

2834
01:37:31,770 --> 01:37:33,130
in this trunk. And, apparently, you've got a

2835
01:37:33,130 --> 01:37:35,309
little junk in your trunk too. Apparently so.

2836
01:37:35,849 --> 01:37:37,609
Apparently so. Well, guys think your butt's cute,

2837
01:37:37,609 --> 01:37:39,449
but, you know, I'm sort of You're a

2838
01:37:39,449 --> 01:37:41,770
little biased, maybe? Maybe a little bit. Maybe

2839
01:37:41,770 --> 01:37:43,369
a little bit. Yeah. I also think you

2840
01:37:43,369 --> 01:37:45,289
have sexy legs, but I think that is,

2841
01:37:45,289 --> 01:37:47,405
like, legit. Like, I think

2842
01:37:48,185 --> 01:37:50,824
people who would think a body part is

2843
01:37:50,824 --> 01:37:51,324
sexy

2844
01:37:51,704 --> 01:37:53,225
and are into legs, I think they would

2845
01:37:53,225 --> 01:37:54,585
look at your legs and be like, yeah.

2846
01:37:54,585 --> 01:37:56,585
Now when you're riding your motorcycle full time

2847
01:37:56,744 --> 01:37:58,824
Mhmm. You had, like, soccer player legs. Like,

2848
01:37:58,824 --> 01:37:59,324
you

2849
01:37:59,719 --> 01:38:02,279
could crush a watermelon with those thighs. I

2850
01:38:02,279 --> 01:38:03,020
was like,

2851
01:38:03,479 --> 01:38:05,340
I volunteer to tribute. Like,

2852
01:38:07,159 --> 01:38:08,699
there's some I mean, that's

2853
01:38:09,079 --> 01:38:09,579
shit.

2854
01:38:10,600 --> 01:38:11,739
Anyway Anyhoo.

2855
01:38:12,925 --> 01:38:13,905
Sorry. Anyhoo.

2856
01:38:14,685 --> 01:38:17,265
I'm being inappropriate on live streaming this podcast.

2857
01:38:18,045 --> 01:38:18,545
Sorry.

2858
01:38:18,925 --> 01:38:20,284
Okay. So now that you have,

2859
01:38:20,845 --> 01:38:22,925
let everybody see you and your kilt Mhmm.

2860
01:38:23,085 --> 01:38:25,485
We're gonna we're gonna go. Go. Thank you

2861
01:38:25,485 --> 01:38:27,164
all for being here. Yep. Appreciate each and

2862
01:38:27,164 --> 01:38:29,532
every one of you. Especially for staying to

2863
01:38:29,532 --> 01:38:31,980
the bitter end where the real weird shit

2864
01:38:31,980 --> 01:38:34,429
happens. We will see y'all next week for

2865
01:38:34,429 --> 01:38:36,877
the live stream at a different time. Podcast

2866
01:38:36,877 --> 01:38:39,326
listeners, you will not notice the difference. The

2867
01:38:39,326 --> 01:38:41,774
podcast will come out at the same time

2868
01:38:42,015 --> 01:38:42,755
as usual.

2869
01:38:43,135 --> 01:38:45,475
Okay. Okay. Bye. Bye.