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You're listening to the Loving BDSM podcast episode

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four eighty. Kayla Lords here with the one,

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the only,

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the The what? The what? Be careful with

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your words.

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I don't actually have a whole lot of

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words today, so I'm not sure

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what.

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Ah. John Brownstone. Okay.

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We've got your new little mic, and I

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can't decide what it makes you look like.

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You're sitting here shirtless, which is delightful, but

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I'm not I can't I don't have words

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for that. Okay.

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You tried to talk to me and my

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brain did not process words.

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Yep. And So it's gonna be interesting this

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afternoon. Right. Yeah. So I don't really have

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anything witty to,

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say about you. Okay. Right. Now, I mean,

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not even anything that could get me in

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trouble. It's not like I'm avoiding words. It's

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like I have

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like, you've rendered me speechless. That's what it

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is. Dang. Yeah. We know that's a lie,

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but still.

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Sounds good. Right? Yeah.

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That's not what we're here to talk about.

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Although we will be heavily leaning on your

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experience as a dom. Oh, shit. Thank goodness

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you got a mic right by your face

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for once.

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We're gonna need the people to hear you.

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Let's hope they can.

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This week, we're gonna talk about really a

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thing I have not stopped thinking about

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since the last,

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Reddit episode Mhmm. Where the dom was trying

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to figure out the best way to punish

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himself or themself. I'm assuming the narration.

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The dom is trying to figure out the

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best way to, punish themselves

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after not,

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air quote, following a rule within their relationship.

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And my brain just keeps going, but sometimes

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a dom says no or a dom

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just doesn't

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initiate or a dom just doesn't do a

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thing because

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they

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potentially have that kind of authority. And

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so we we gotta talk about it because

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I can't stop thinking about it.

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Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this

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is your first time listening, glad to have

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you. If you're back for another week, welcome

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back. Loving BDSM is produced every Friday, and

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show notes are found at lovingbdsm.net.

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Come back often and feel free to add

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the podcast to your favorite podcast app. And

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if your podcast app lets you leave a

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rating or review and you're actually enjoying yourself,

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we would love

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a five or a whatever whatever the top

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number is, star, rating or review. Please and

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thank you. Mhmm. You can also follow the

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show on FetLife at loving BDSM

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PC,

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on Instagram and technically threads at that handle

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I will forever fucking hate. It's loving d

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s and the number one, so at loving

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d s one, on blue sky at loving

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BDSM, or on YouTube at youtube.com/lovingbdsm,

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where you can watch us live stream the

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podcast every Wednesday. All links are in the

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show notes. A big thanks as always to

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our kinky patrons over on patreon putting our

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newest

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folk. We are grateful for every fuck I

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want of you. We are able to be

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weirdos on the internet because of our kinky

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community over on Patreon.

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If you'd like to join the community and

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get access to extra content and a Discord

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server with a group of super cool, super

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nice kinksters, you can. Join us at patreon.com/kaylalords.

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That's patreon.com/kaylalords

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or use the link in the show notes

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for a hot minute. Okay. And away we

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go. So

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before we get into the topic that I

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wanna talk about, I have to do a

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thing, and I don't have to. I'm choosing

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to. It feels important to me. When I

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told JB what happened, he thought it was

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important.

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Two things.

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I'm gonna give the content warning

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and then a a too long didn't read

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version. So for anybody who needs to heed

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the content warning, you can

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mute us, fast forward, however you're watching or

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listening.

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The content warning is this thing I'm about

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to say we are gonna have very brief

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mentions, but nothing detailed

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on sexual assault, sexual violence.

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So just know that when I tell you

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what

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briefly it will be mentioned.

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The TLDR, for people who need to skip

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because of that content warning, is we will

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no longer be

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mentioning

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or using content from or endorsing in any

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way

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therapy, Jeff. Yeah. Okay. So for me to

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skip out, you got the important, you got

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the highlight. Let let me get into it

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a little bit. I'm gonna be rambly. I've

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been thinking for two days about how I

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wanna say this

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because I, of course, I have to be

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awkward. So

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first of all, I'm not trying to tell

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anybody what they need to do. I don't

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like, it's none of my freaking business.

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And I'm also actually

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wanting to tell y'all this all publicly because

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we have done a few episodes where we

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used content created by Therapy Jeff.

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And I I don't remember what I said,

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but I'm sure I said all those times

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was yeah, he seems cool. Yeah, I like

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him. Yeah, he's got good advice. Yeah, you

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should follow him.

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And I have had to unfollow him.

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I've chosen to unfollow him.

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And so if you sought him out because

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we said you should,

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I want you to know that is no

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longer our opinion. I'm gonna give a kind

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of a top level of what I saw

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and my reasons for it.

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If you are interested in the saga,

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most of it, the discussion around it, screenshots,

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can probably still be found on threads.

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Do a search of therapy Jeff and don't

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go to his account, but go to all

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the conversations about him, and you'll probably see

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it.

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So it started with

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right after oh my god.

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Right after the CNN

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story on I can't believe I have to

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put these words together in a sentence. The

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CNN story on the online

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rape academy. If you don't know what that

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is, you should Google it. I'm not going

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into it here.

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That story has been out for several weeks,

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but it went viral,

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relatively recently.

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Therapy Jeff made a piece of content.

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My assumption is is it is in response

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to that story

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about

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men. I don't remember him saying anybody but

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men who,

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have

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what I think most of us who listen

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to it interpreted as intrusive thoughts about rape

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and how they need,

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a place to go for help and they

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need community because if they don't have it,

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that online space is what occurs.

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And when I

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I recognize I have I often recognize that

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I don't see the world the way most

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people see the world because I see it

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through a kink lens.

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So I don't always react to certain things

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as immediately as maybe others might.

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And so I thought, is that an intrusive

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thought? I don't know. I have intrusive thoughts

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and I desperately want don't want those to

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be real, so I can't imagine acting on

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it.

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Rape fantasy

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through the lens of kink is, like, a

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thing we have entire conversations on.

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So he had no nuance in that video.

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Very, like, flat info that did not did

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not even touch

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things, did not even acknowledge harm that can

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be created. Like, it was just like

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it was a little messy. It was a

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little like it could have been better. And

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then apparently he went on threads and it

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got worse because people started,

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like going, I don't think this is doing

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what you think this is doing. He did

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not have a good,

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response to that. He did not at the

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time have a great response to that. And

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I was seeing it on threads. I had

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somebody from our audience sent me an email.

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Shout out to that person. I did see

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your email to go, hey, have you seen

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this? I was like, okay. Let me keep

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looking. Let me keep looking. There are accusations

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being thrown around on threads. Not I'm a

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person who has been directly harmed by therapy,

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Jeff, but a lot of, well, I've heard

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and this is the vibe. And I was

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like, okay. Well, I need something more concrete.

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And then I saw the thing more concrete.

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And that is when I went, I

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cannot.

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Concrete. And then I saw the thing more

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concrete, and that is when I went, I

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cannot. I cannot follow this person anymore, and

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I cannot recommend this person anymore.

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And that thing that I saw, somebody posted

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on threads,

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a question for anybody who could possibly be

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and and has ever been on the receiving

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end of a hand job and

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what they like or what they need or

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something like that. Like, tell me about, you

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know, what you're looking for or what you

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like. I can't remember how they worded it.

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But Therapy Jeff's response

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under his account where he is a therapist,

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his professional account

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was a little

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I write about sex and I put all

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my bits on the Internet and I went,

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was that appropriate for a licensed mental

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health professional

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to say online? Because we all got to

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be in his sex fantasy

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in about 300 words or 300 characters. And

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I was like,

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okay. You were you are not helping

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yourself. I am now really unsure about you.

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I'm going to unfollow.

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Since all that, that's been in the past

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several days. Apparently, day of recording, I think,

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he has put out an apology video. He

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has deleted

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his the video that started all this and

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the arguments that happened on threads. My understanding

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is as of the time

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of this recording on April 22, video is

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still on TikTok, and I think the video

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is still on Facebook

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where it is presumed it's there because it's

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monetized. So

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think of that what you will.

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My whole point is

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when I

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am implicitly explicitly

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whatever seem to endorse somebody, tell somebody, hey.

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I think this person's probably okay if you

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wanna go check them out. And we hit

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a point where I can't even begin to

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imagine what you might see if you went

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to their account.

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I'm done. I'm out. I'm not putting my

271
00:09:44,714 --> 00:09:45,695
name on that anymore.

272
00:09:46,154 --> 00:09:47,995
So I'm not telling anybody what they need

273
00:09:47,995 --> 00:09:49,834
to do. You get to, you know, we

274
00:09:49,834 --> 00:09:51,995
all get to have our own feelings and

275
00:09:51,995 --> 00:09:55,034
opinions about that. I I think the video

276
00:09:55,034 --> 00:09:58,334
he made initially was probably not made in

277
00:09:59,209 --> 00:10:01,129
an attempt to cause harm, but it could

278
00:10:01,129 --> 00:10:04,250
have. It was very unnuanced. There was, like,

279
00:10:04,250 --> 00:10:06,809
there was no even accounting for the harm

280
00:10:06,809 --> 00:10:07,309
that

281
00:10:07,690 --> 00:10:09,789
has been done to women and other victims

282
00:10:09,850 --> 00:10:12,294
of rape. Like, it that was sloppy. And

283
00:10:12,294 --> 00:10:14,154
then I guess the arguments online

284
00:10:15,095 --> 00:10:15,835
didn't help.

285
00:10:16,294 --> 00:10:16,794
So

286
00:10:17,495 --> 00:10:20,634
if you're at all interested, the therapy side

287
00:10:20,695 --> 00:10:23,174
of both Instagram and threads still talking about

288
00:10:23,174 --> 00:10:23,674
it.

289
00:10:24,879 --> 00:10:27,940
Apparently, silent said it's also a Reddit post.

290
00:10:28,079 --> 00:10:29,839
Okay. Okay. So if you're on Reddit, you

291
00:10:29,839 --> 00:10:31,919
can probably see it there. There's details I

292
00:10:31,919 --> 00:10:34,399
don't even know. There's details I missed. What

293
00:10:34,399 --> 00:10:36,179
I saw was enough for me.

294
00:10:37,955 --> 00:10:40,195
So, yeah, I will be removing any links

295
00:10:40,195 --> 00:10:41,575
that we had to his account.

296
00:10:42,035 --> 00:10:43,475
We're not gonna take down the content we

297
00:10:43,475 --> 00:10:44,294
made. The content

298
00:10:44,754 --> 00:10:45,254
stands,

299
00:10:45,794 --> 00:10:47,735
but I we're yeah.

300
00:10:48,274 --> 00:10:51,299
Yeah. That's that's that's where where we are.

301
00:10:51,299 --> 00:10:54,360
I no longer have enough trust. I trust

302
00:10:54,659 --> 00:10:56,579
the dude with, like, my bank account number,

303
00:10:56,579 --> 00:10:58,839
but I trusted him to be a professional

304
00:10:59,620 --> 00:11:02,659
on the Internet talking about relationships and mental

305
00:11:02,659 --> 00:11:03,799
health. So

306
00:11:05,924 --> 00:11:06,664
if you

307
00:11:07,445 --> 00:11:10,725
followed him because we mentioned him and you

308
00:11:10,725 --> 00:11:12,565
have feelings about that, go check it out

309
00:11:12,565 --> 00:11:14,264
for yourself to the extent that you can.

310
00:11:14,565 --> 00:11:16,264
Do what you feel you need to do.

311
00:11:17,684 --> 00:11:20,250
I just since we talked about him

312
00:11:21,210 --> 00:11:22,570
him and talked about how we thought he

313
00:11:22,570 --> 00:11:24,250
was okay, I had to tell you that

314
00:11:24,250 --> 00:11:26,889
I don't think I don't necessarily think that

315
00:11:26,889 --> 00:11:29,929
anymore. I'm hoping the apology is sincere and

316
00:11:29,929 --> 00:11:31,850
he learns and grows from this, but I

317
00:11:31,850 --> 00:11:33,894
don't have to be there while he learns

318
00:11:33,894 --> 00:11:36,535
and grows from it. There are too many

319
00:11:36,535 --> 00:11:37,035
people

320
00:11:37,415 --> 00:11:39,514
I can follow online to get

321
00:11:39,975 --> 00:11:41,835
good advice from. So

322
00:11:42,615 --> 00:11:43,115
there.

323
00:11:43,975 --> 00:11:45,035
That's the thing.

324
00:11:45,654 --> 00:11:46,154
Tada.

325
00:11:47,940 --> 00:11:51,379
Now after all of that, I'd like to

326
00:11:51,379 --> 00:11:54,019
get into what I actually wanna talk about

327
00:11:54,019 --> 00:11:54,519
today.

328
00:11:57,139 --> 00:11:57,639
Okay.

329
00:11:58,500 --> 00:12:00,200
Said it before, I'm gonna say it again.

330
00:12:00,259 --> 00:12:02,440
This episode was a 100

331
00:12:03,245 --> 00:12:05,804
inspired by that Reddit post Mhmm. Where the

332
00:12:05,804 --> 00:12:07,725
rule in their relationship is they would have

333
00:12:07,725 --> 00:12:09,504
sex at least twice a week.

334
00:12:10,044 --> 00:12:11,804
The dom had a busy week, had a

335
00:12:11,804 --> 00:12:14,524
lot of stuff going on, had personal stuff

336
00:12:14,524 --> 00:12:15,985
to deal with. It did not

337
00:12:16,549 --> 00:12:18,789
make sure they had the sex twice in

338
00:12:18,789 --> 00:12:19,450
the week.

339
00:12:20,070 --> 00:12:22,149
And then the question was, how can I

340
00:12:22,309 --> 00:12:24,230
how can we do punishment? Shouldn't there be

341
00:12:24,230 --> 00:12:24,889
a consequence?

342
00:12:26,230 --> 00:12:28,549
And my brain was the record that kept

343
00:12:28,549 --> 00:12:29,610
skipping on, but

344
00:12:30,264 --> 00:12:33,084
depending on how you negotiated your power exchange,

345
00:12:34,264 --> 00:12:37,945
doms have authority over those things. True. And

346
00:12:37,945 --> 00:12:39,644
so they either

347
00:12:40,024 --> 00:12:42,205
initiate that or they don't.

348
00:12:43,705 --> 00:12:45,139
And so what?

349
00:12:47,519 --> 00:12:49,840
This is not this conversation I'd like to

350
00:12:49,840 --> 00:12:52,660
have is not about should doms have consequences

351
00:12:52,799 --> 00:12:54,799
when you don't do a thing. Like, that's

352
00:12:54,799 --> 00:12:57,220
a different conversation. You know, there's accountability.

353
00:12:58,115 --> 00:12:59,475
We've talked about it before. We can talk

354
00:12:59,475 --> 00:13:00,454
about it again later.

355
00:13:01,074 --> 00:13:03,495
I and I don't know if this conversation

356
00:13:03,954 --> 00:13:04,454
is

357
00:13:04,834 --> 00:13:05,334
about

358
00:13:06,034 --> 00:13:06,914
Adam's authority

359
00:13:07,394 --> 00:13:09,554
Mhmm. And how that works and whatever. I

360
00:13:09,554 --> 00:13:10,049
don't know

361
00:13:10,610 --> 00:13:13,429
if it's a conversation about the difference between

362
00:13:13,570 --> 00:13:14,709
what you need

363
00:13:15,169 --> 00:13:17,970
in your relationship versus what you want. I

364
00:13:17,970 --> 00:13:20,529
don't know if it's a conversation about a

365
00:13:20,529 --> 00:13:21,429
sub's responsibility

366
00:13:22,304 --> 00:13:24,705
to self advocate, to go, hey. There are

367
00:13:24,705 --> 00:13:26,644
things I need that I'm not receiving.

368
00:13:27,585 --> 00:13:29,684
What can we do about them? I don't

369
00:13:29,745 --> 00:13:32,404
I don't know where this conversation takes us,

370
00:13:33,105 --> 00:13:35,044
but I have to talk

371
00:13:35,669 --> 00:13:36,409
to you

372
00:13:37,110 --> 00:13:39,429
on my dump. Oh, dear. Obviously, JB does

373
00:13:39,429 --> 00:13:41,049
not speak for all of Domdom.

374
00:13:41,429 --> 00:13:41,929
Okay?

375
00:13:45,830 --> 00:13:47,509
But I just, like so this is one

376
00:13:47,509 --> 00:13:49,125
of those conversations. I'm not coming at it

377
00:13:49,125 --> 00:13:51,925
with too many, like, fixed ideas in my

378
00:13:51,925 --> 00:13:54,185
head. I I want to explore

379
00:13:54,644 --> 00:13:57,705
this and and go where it takes us.

380
00:13:58,404 --> 00:13:58,904
So

381
00:13:59,445 --> 00:14:01,649
let's start with the thing that I is

382
00:14:01,649 --> 00:14:03,649
what the thing I keep is one of

383
00:14:03,649 --> 00:14:05,190
the thoughts I keep thinking about, which is

384
00:14:05,330 --> 00:14:07,250
how much authority a dom has on the

385
00:14:07,250 --> 00:14:08,230
decision making

386
00:14:08,769 --> 00:14:10,370
when you were the dom. When something has

387
00:14:10,370 --> 00:14:12,870
been it's either negotiated explicitly

388
00:14:13,889 --> 00:14:15,269
or like in our relationship,

389
00:14:16,085 --> 00:14:17,705
we know you're the initiator,

390
00:14:18,325 --> 00:14:20,504
whether it's of sex, a kink scene,

391
00:14:21,125 --> 00:14:21,625
whatever.

392
00:14:22,004 --> 00:14:23,845
I can ask for something if I need

393
00:14:23,845 --> 00:14:25,125
it. And if we can do it and

394
00:14:25,125 --> 00:14:28,325
you're willing, we work that out. Mhmm. But,

395
00:14:28,325 --> 00:14:30,184
like, within our power exchange,

396
00:14:30,644 --> 00:14:32,830
you are going to be the initiator of

397
00:14:32,830 --> 00:14:34,370
a lot of things. True.

398
00:14:34,670 --> 00:14:37,250
And sometimes you just don't initiate

399
00:14:38,670 --> 00:14:40,830
for all kinds of reasons. Right. You're tired.

400
00:14:40,830 --> 00:14:43,389
You're sick. There's not enough time. There's so

401
00:14:43,389 --> 00:14:45,070
can can you talk to me a little

402
00:14:45,070 --> 00:14:47,309
bit about that side of things as a

403
00:14:47,309 --> 00:14:49,605
dom for for you? You know, this this

404
00:14:49,605 --> 00:14:51,684
is kind of one side of this that

405
00:14:51,684 --> 00:14:53,544
makes makes me think of something.

406
00:14:54,485 --> 00:14:56,424
You know, I've I've often

407
00:14:56,804 --> 00:14:58,985
said you don't want to break your toys.

408
00:14:59,365 --> 00:14:59,865
Right?

409
00:15:00,990 --> 00:15:01,490
Mhmm.

410
00:15:01,790 --> 00:15:04,590
And, you know, there there are times say

411
00:15:04,590 --> 00:15:06,450
no for a lot of different reasons

412
00:15:07,710 --> 00:15:10,110
just because, you know, no. You're not getting

413
00:15:10,110 --> 00:15:11,950
a treat. You've already had how many treats

414
00:15:11,950 --> 00:15:13,490
this week. Right. Yeah. Okay?

415
00:15:13,934 --> 00:15:14,595
You know?

416
00:15:17,455 --> 00:15:19,294
You know, the other thing is I there

417
00:15:19,294 --> 00:15:20,975
are times I say no just because I'm

418
00:15:20,975 --> 00:15:21,875
a damn sadist.

419
00:15:24,174 --> 00:15:26,195
That does not surprise me at all.

420
00:15:26,575 --> 00:15:28,660
I see the gleam in your eye when

421
00:15:28,660 --> 00:15:29,240
you do.

422
00:15:30,179 --> 00:15:32,019
You know, because I'm I'm I'm looking for

423
00:15:32,019 --> 00:15:32,679
a reaction.

424
00:15:33,139 --> 00:15:35,139
Right. You know, and I I then I

425
00:15:35,139 --> 00:15:36,360
feed off that reaction.

426
00:15:37,540 --> 00:15:38,040
So,

427
00:15:39,620 --> 00:15:41,700
you know, then then another time I would

428
00:15:41,700 --> 00:15:42,519
say no,

429
00:15:44,654 --> 00:15:46,595
You're prone to headaches. Mhmm.

430
00:15:47,535 --> 00:15:48,915
You know, you get a migraine.

431
00:15:49,695 --> 00:15:51,774
Sure. Oh, I'm not gonna initiate a scene

432
00:15:51,774 --> 00:15:53,375
or or sex or anything with, you know,

433
00:15:53,375 --> 00:15:55,215
when you're in that Right. Yeah. And you're

434
00:15:55,215 --> 00:15:57,634
not gonna Even though we have, you know,

435
00:15:57,774 --> 00:16:00,389
open access Right. You know, I'm I'm not

436
00:16:00,389 --> 00:16:03,429
going to do it. And also, at the

437
00:16:03,429 --> 00:16:04,169
same time,

438
00:16:04,710 --> 00:16:06,870
because of that, I'm not going to punish

439
00:16:06,870 --> 00:16:08,970
you Right. Right. Yeah. For that.

440
00:16:09,429 --> 00:16:10,490
Mhmm. Alright?

441
00:16:10,950 --> 00:16:11,450
So,

442
00:16:11,894 --> 00:16:13,735
you know, I I think it kind of

443
00:16:13,735 --> 00:16:14,235
also

444
00:16:15,254 --> 00:16:17,995
works in reverse Mhmm. Or should. Mhmm.

445
00:16:18,934 --> 00:16:19,595
You know,

446
00:16:21,335 --> 00:16:22,394
again, don't know

447
00:16:23,254 --> 00:16:24,955
exactly how they had this.

448
00:16:25,654 --> 00:16:26,850
I go back to, I don't think you

449
00:16:26,850 --> 00:16:28,209
should have a rule based on how many

450
00:16:28,209 --> 00:16:30,209
times you're gonna be intimate in a given

451
00:16:30,209 --> 00:16:31,490
time period. Yeah. I don't think that's a

452
00:16:31,490 --> 00:16:32,149
good rule.

453
00:16:34,289 --> 00:16:35,029
Even though

454
00:16:35,409 --> 00:16:35,909
regardless

455
00:16:37,169 --> 00:16:38,929
that works for if that's something they want

456
00:16:38,929 --> 00:16:41,009
and they negotiate and that's that's part of

457
00:16:41,009 --> 00:16:41,509
it.

458
00:16:42,095 --> 00:16:42,595
But

459
00:16:46,414 --> 00:16:47,554
nothing is ever

460
00:16:50,095 --> 00:16:51,875
just black and white. Oh, of course.

461
00:16:52,894 --> 00:16:54,834
Shades of gray everywhere. Yeah.

462
00:16:56,389 --> 00:16:56,889
So,

463
00:16:58,070 --> 00:16:59,049
you know, to

464
00:16:59,590 --> 00:17:00,330
to say,

465
00:17:00,789 --> 00:17:03,190
you know, this person had a a busy

466
00:17:03,190 --> 00:17:04,950
week. We both know what a busy week

467
00:17:05,349 --> 00:17:06,789
Sure. Can be like and what it can

468
00:17:06,789 --> 00:17:07,289
do.

469
00:17:07,750 --> 00:17:09,450
Is that grounds for punishment?

470
00:17:10,825 --> 00:17:11,484
I mean,

471
00:17:11,865 --> 00:17:13,164
that part that part,

472
00:17:13,545 --> 00:17:15,945
we did that conversation. I'm talking about you

473
00:17:16,025 --> 00:17:16,525
okay.

474
00:17:16,825 --> 00:17:18,585
We let's pretend we are those people. We

475
00:17:18,585 --> 00:17:20,525
have set an expectation of Right.

476
00:17:20,904 --> 00:17:22,744
A certain level of, let's say, a kink

477
00:17:22,744 --> 00:17:25,319
scene. Not maybe how many, maybe it's a

478
00:17:25,319 --> 00:17:26,299
type, maybe it's

479
00:17:26,599 --> 00:17:29,000
a whatever. And for any reason, throughout a

480
00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:32,220
given time period, you do not initiate them.

481
00:17:32,599 --> 00:17:36,200
Okay. Because because you are the initiator. Right.

482
00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:37,419
In a thing where

483
00:17:38,119 --> 00:17:39,585
you and I know that I have the

484
00:17:39,585 --> 00:17:41,765
freedom to come ask to

485
00:17:42,944 --> 00:17:45,265
I don't initiate, but I can, like, wave

486
00:17:45,265 --> 00:17:47,904
the flag that's, like, clearly there's some interest

487
00:17:47,904 --> 00:17:48,964
here. Right? Yeah.

488
00:17:50,384 --> 00:17:51,045
You know,

489
00:17:51,424 --> 00:17:53,825
regardless of we have this agreement of what

490
00:17:53,825 --> 00:17:55,009
we'll try to do

491
00:17:55,950 --> 00:17:56,690
of anything

492
00:17:57,230 --> 00:17:57,730
or

493
00:17:58,029 --> 00:18:00,670
the, you know, things that we want to

494
00:18:00,670 --> 00:18:02,210
happen in our power exchange

495
00:18:02,830 --> 00:18:05,250
regardless outside of sex or scenes or anything.

496
00:18:05,710 --> 00:18:06,210
If

497
00:18:07,024 --> 00:18:08,784
you were the one left to be the

498
00:18:08,784 --> 00:18:09,605
one to

499
00:18:10,065 --> 00:18:12,704
make that happen, start that, give me the

500
00:18:12,704 --> 00:18:13,204
signal,

501
00:18:13,664 --> 00:18:14,724
do the thing,

502
00:18:15,264 --> 00:18:17,904
that means you then have the authority of

503
00:18:17,904 --> 00:18:20,704
when and how that happens. Correct. So that

504
00:18:20,704 --> 00:18:23,509
means that sometimes it won't happen.

505
00:18:24,049 --> 00:18:26,690
Correct. Regardless of what it is. Now if

506
00:18:26,690 --> 00:18:28,069
it's a thing where

507
00:18:28,690 --> 00:18:30,849
it's, you know, it's been negotiated and or

508
00:18:30,849 --> 00:18:32,789
it's just been discussed and it's an understanding

509
00:18:32,849 --> 00:18:35,349
between people in a relationship that the

510
00:18:36,625 --> 00:18:39,365
hitting mics now. The submissive partner can initiate,

511
00:18:39,585 --> 00:18:40,964
can request, can

512
00:18:41,265 --> 00:18:41,765
whatever.

513
00:18:42,384 --> 00:18:44,984
Now we're talking about an explicit ask where

514
00:18:44,984 --> 00:18:46,704
you it's not that you Mhmm. Did not

515
00:18:46,704 --> 00:18:48,464
initiate, you are able to give a yes

516
00:18:48,464 --> 00:18:50,144
or no. That is another form of your

517
00:18:50,144 --> 00:18:52,640
authority. Mhmm. And And as we've already established,

518
00:18:52,860 --> 00:18:54,779
sometimes you'll say no because you're a fucking

519
00:18:54,779 --> 00:18:59,259
sadist. Mhmm. And he is, and he will.

520
00:18:59,500 --> 00:19:00,480
But, you know,

521
00:19:02,860 --> 00:19:05,500
everybody's different. I know. So I'm asking you,

522
00:19:05,500 --> 00:19:05,954
JB,

523
00:19:07,234 --> 00:19:08,375
from your perspective

524
00:19:08,835 --> 00:19:11,394
as a dom, is that just a other

525
00:19:11,394 --> 00:19:13,234
than anything that's not part of the negotiations

526
00:19:13,234 --> 00:19:15,075
to the agreement or the power exchange, is

527
00:19:15,075 --> 00:19:17,794
that not just an inherent part of your

528
00:19:17,794 --> 00:19:20,359
authority as being the one in charge, being

529
00:19:20,359 --> 00:19:23,099
the decider, having the power, having the control.

530
00:19:23,319 --> 00:19:23,819
Yes.

531
00:19:24,839 --> 00:19:26,220
And that's just now

532
00:19:26,759 --> 00:19:28,279
go back to the very beginning. Can you

533
00:19:28,279 --> 00:19:30,599
negotiate something different in your own power change?

534
00:19:30,599 --> 00:19:32,115
Of course, the fuck you can.

535
00:19:32,674 --> 00:19:35,075
Yeah. I I mean, we we have talked

536
00:19:35,075 --> 00:19:37,654
about it in in the past about how,

537
00:19:37,954 --> 00:19:38,615
you know,

538
00:19:38,994 --> 00:19:42,535
life is insane at times. Sure. Okay.

539
00:19:43,315 --> 00:19:43,815
And,

540
00:19:45,259 --> 00:19:47,059
you know while people say oh they want

541
00:19:47,059 --> 00:19:48,079
you know the spontaneity.

542
00:19:49,339 --> 00:19:50,240
Yeah. Okay,

543
00:19:50,940 --> 00:19:53,259
you know sometimes you have to plan things.

544
00:19:53,259 --> 00:19:56,159
You go, Yes. Alright, you know this weekend

545
00:19:56,380 --> 00:19:58,305
let's do a scene that you know, Sure.

546
00:19:58,545 --> 00:19:59,825
Middle of the week. Hey. We got nothing

547
00:19:59,825 --> 00:20:02,305
going on. Let's Mhmm. Let's do this. And

548
00:20:02,305 --> 00:20:04,865
and you you plan. You have to. Now

549
00:20:05,025 --> 00:20:06,805
To a certain extent. Do you feel like

550
00:20:06,865 --> 00:20:08,545
it's when you say you plan, are you

551
00:20:08,545 --> 00:20:10,705
thinking of yourself as the Dom who's thinking

552
00:20:10,705 --> 00:20:12,144
ahead to what does this week look like

553
00:20:12,144 --> 00:20:13,345
and what do I want? Are you talking

554
00:20:13,345 --> 00:20:15,660
about a mutual decision in the between the

555
00:20:15,660 --> 00:20:16,160
people?

556
00:20:16,779 --> 00:20:17,279
Well,

557
00:20:17,980 --> 00:20:19,900
I think when you plan something out like

558
00:20:19,900 --> 00:20:21,359
that that far out,

559
00:20:22,380 --> 00:20:23,359
you can say,

560
00:20:23,980 --> 00:20:25,359
you know, hey, look. I'm

561
00:20:26,619 --> 00:20:28,755
thinking about us doing something

562
00:20:29,775 --> 00:20:31,634
this weekend. Mhmm. Alright.

563
00:20:32,894 --> 00:20:34,674
Are you open to it? Sure.

564
00:20:35,134 --> 00:20:37,474
You know and then discussing it. How

565
00:20:37,775 --> 00:20:39,694
how much I tell you what is going

566
00:20:39,694 --> 00:20:40,720
to be Right.

567
00:20:41,139 --> 00:20:43,180
Is Right. You know, my prerogative at that

568
00:20:43,180 --> 00:20:44,160
point. Yes.

569
00:20:45,740 --> 00:20:46,799
So Yes.

570
00:20:48,940 --> 00:20:49,440
But

571
00:20:51,019 --> 00:20:51,519
yeah.

572
00:20:51,900 --> 00:20:53,359
I mean, I think you

573
00:20:54,134 --> 00:20:56,474
people in a power exchange can negotiate

574
00:20:56,855 --> 00:20:58,075
the level of authority

575
00:20:59,174 --> 00:21:01,414
the Dom is comfortable having, the sub is

576
00:21:01,414 --> 00:21:01,914
comfortable

577
00:21:02,775 --> 00:21:04,795
allowing the Dom to have over them.

578
00:21:05,174 --> 00:21:07,255
But I and I think that should be

579
00:21:07,255 --> 00:21:09,414
a topic of the discussion when you're figuring

580
00:21:09,414 --> 00:21:11,569
out your power exchange. Because

581
00:21:12,029 --> 00:21:14,029
I don't know how we've gone four eighty

582
00:21:14,029 --> 00:21:15,630
episodes, and I don't know that I've ever

583
00:21:15,630 --> 00:21:17,009
used the word authority

584
00:21:17,549 --> 00:21:18,210
to describe

585
00:21:19,470 --> 00:21:21,470
your dawmliness. You know what I mean? Like

586
00:21:21,470 --> 00:21:22,929
power control decide

587
00:21:23,549 --> 00:21:25,654
in charge, but it is a level of

588
00:21:25,654 --> 00:21:26,714
authority that you

589
00:21:27,815 --> 00:21:30,695
have I've given you, you've accepted, you want,

590
00:21:30,695 --> 00:21:32,055
you don't, you know what I mean? And

591
00:21:32,055 --> 00:21:34,075
that those things fluctuate

592
00:21:34,615 --> 00:21:36,795
over time. You know, we we've talked about

593
00:21:37,255 --> 00:21:39,089
our four or five years of just, like,

594
00:21:39,970 --> 00:21:42,210
skating by on bare minimum, and you did

595
00:21:42,210 --> 00:21:44,210
not have a lot of authority at the

596
00:21:44,210 --> 00:21:46,230
time. You could not handle that much authority.

597
00:21:47,970 --> 00:21:48,950
And now we're

598
00:21:49,329 --> 00:21:51,250
working on getting back into where we want

599
00:21:51,250 --> 00:21:53,365
to be. And I made a comment to

600
00:21:53,365 --> 00:21:55,205
you the other day, and I didn't say

601
00:21:55,205 --> 00:21:57,525
authority, but we were talking about parts of

602
00:21:57,525 --> 00:21:58,505
our power. Authority.

603
00:22:01,205 --> 00:22:02,964
I used to have to do a great

604
00:22:02,964 --> 00:22:05,445
Eric Hartman impression. I'm not gonna do it

605
00:22:05,445 --> 00:22:07,380
and have it live on the Internet, though.

606
00:22:10,420 --> 00:22:12,259
And what I said to you, I didn't

607
00:22:12,259 --> 00:22:13,619
say the word authority, but I will now,

608
00:22:13,619 --> 00:22:15,059
is that on some levels, I think you

609
00:22:15,059 --> 00:22:16,119
are out of practice

610
00:22:16,660 --> 00:22:18,680
of asserting your authority. Mhmm.

611
00:22:19,059 --> 00:22:19,559
Because

612
00:22:20,099 --> 00:22:21,079
you have not

613
00:22:21,944 --> 00:22:23,464
been in a position to be able to

614
00:22:23,464 --> 00:22:25,784
or to want to or have the energy

615
00:22:25,784 --> 00:22:28,265
or the whatever to make certain kinds of

616
00:22:28,265 --> 00:22:28,765
decisions.

617
00:22:29,464 --> 00:22:31,784
Like anything else, it's a muscle. Right. You

618
00:22:31,784 --> 00:22:33,565
know, muscle memory. When you

619
00:22:34,450 --> 00:22:36,309
don't use it, you kind of

620
00:22:36,650 --> 00:22:37,150
lose

621
00:22:37,490 --> 00:22:37,990
it.

622
00:22:41,570 --> 00:22:44,049
And we've had small little conversations about how

623
00:22:44,049 --> 00:22:45,730
I'm like, I I would like you to

624
00:22:45,730 --> 00:22:48,664
have some more control, please. I need to

625
00:22:48,664 --> 00:22:50,285
turn my brain off, please.

626
00:22:51,065 --> 00:22:53,305
We haven't done anything with it. But that

627
00:22:53,305 --> 00:22:54,744
takes me to my next point on this,

628
00:22:54,744 --> 00:22:55,725
which is the

629
00:22:57,945 --> 00:23:00,105
the control and power of of having that

630
00:23:00,105 --> 00:23:01,085
decision making

631
00:23:02,490 --> 00:23:03,409
power Right.

632
00:23:03,849 --> 00:23:05,549
Means it's a a big responsibility,

633
00:23:06,330 --> 00:23:07,849
of course. It's you know, add that to

634
00:23:07,849 --> 00:23:10,349
the list of both privilege and responsibility. Mhmm.

635
00:23:11,210 --> 00:23:12,809
But it also means that because you're not

636
00:23:12,809 --> 00:23:14,590
a mind reader, no dom is,

637
00:23:15,505 --> 00:23:17,744
that's news to you. You heard it here

638
00:23:17,744 --> 00:23:18,244
first.

639
00:23:22,065 --> 00:23:22,804
I think

640
00:23:23,345 --> 00:23:24,865
I can speak for myself on this, if

641
00:23:24,865 --> 00:23:27,265
you go too long as a as a

642
00:23:27,265 --> 00:23:29,265
submissive, if I go too long without something

643
00:23:29,265 --> 00:23:29,670
I

644
00:23:30,230 --> 00:23:32,410
really feel like I need to

645
00:23:32,710 --> 00:23:35,190
feel complete as a submissive to, like, be

646
00:23:35,190 --> 00:23:36,890
part of my submissive experience,

647
00:23:37,350 --> 00:23:38,250
whatever whatever,

648
00:23:39,029 --> 00:23:40,009
then I think,

649
00:23:40,309 --> 00:23:42,869
you know, now we've got upset and hurt

650
00:23:42,869 --> 00:23:45,130
feelings and resentment and worry and,

651
00:23:45,644 --> 00:23:47,505
you know, trying to

652
00:23:47,805 --> 00:23:49,644
not I don't think I'm doing this, but

653
00:23:49,644 --> 00:23:51,325
maybe I am. But I, you know, it

654
00:23:51,325 --> 00:23:53,805
would not be inconceivable for a submissive partner

655
00:23:53,805 --> 00:23:55,664
to try to make that happen

656
00:23:56,684 --> 00:23:59,244
without explicitly going to their dom and going,

657
00:23:59,244 --> 00:24:01,259
hey, Dom. I need this thing.

658
00:24:03,660 --> 00:24:05,820
So now we're dealing in the part where,

659
00:24:05,820 --> 00:24:07,820
okay, you have the authority, you granted that

660
00:24:07,820 --> 00:24:10,460
authority, I'm happy to have you keep that

661
00:24:10,460 --> 00:24:12,299
authority and be able to say yes or

662
00:24:12,299 --> 00:24:14,974
no, or tonight we'll do the thing tomorrow,

663
00:24:14,974 --> 00:24:16,835
whatever whatever it is.

664
00:24:18,255 --> 00:24:18,755
But

665
00:24:20,494 --> 00:24:22,355
sometimes that is dissatisfying

666
00:24:23,774 --> 00:24:26,174
from a submissive perspective to not get the

667
00:24:26,174 --> 00:24:28,674
thing I would like to have. True.

668
00:24:29,410 --> 00:24:30,769
I mean, I don't like it when you

669
00:24:30,769 --> 00:24:32,849
say no. I can't have a treat or,

670
00:24:32,849 --> 00:24:33,509
you know,

671
00:24:33,890 --> 00:24:35,410
no. We actually need to go to bed,

672
00:24:35,410 --> 00:24:36,690
and I can't just stand here and rub

673
00:24:36,690 --> 00:24:38,289
your butt for the next, like, forty five

674
00:24:38,289 --> 00:24:38,789
minutes.

675
00:24:41,410 --> 00:24:42,630
Gotta sleep sometime.

676
00:24:45,464 --> 00:24:47,785
Excuse me. I think that gets a little

677
00:24:47,785 --> 00:24:48,605
bit into

678
00:24:49,865 --> 00:24:52,684
figuring out for yourself as an individual your

679
00:24:52,904 --> 00:24:54,744
what you need in your kink relationship out

680
00:24:54,744 --> 00:24:56,424
of your power of training versus what you

681
00:24:56,424 --> 00:24:56,924
want.

682
00:24:57,304 --> 00:24:59,644
Like and everybody's gonna have some different

683
00:25:00,119 --> 00:25:02,279
variations. I I mean, quite frankly, over a

684
00:25:02,279 --> 00:25:04,359
get a single day, I can waver between

685
00:25:04,359 --> 00:25:05,559
what I feel like I want and what

686
00:25:05,559 --> 00:25:07,960
I feel like I need. Like, I want

687
00:25:07,960 --> 00:25:11,079
you to be the indulgent daddy dom who

688
00:25:11,079 --> 00:25:12,434
lets me do what I want

689
00:25:12,914 --> 00:25:15,235
and thinks I'm the bestest girl ever. It

690
00:25:15,235 --> 00:25:17,575
also gives me exactly the sensations

691
00:25:18,035 --> 00:25:18,934
I love.

692
00:25:19,394 --> 00:25:20,455
And and an unlimited

693
00:25:21,394 --> 00:25:24,115
supply of Diet Coke. Right? Of course. Yeah.

694
00:25:24,115 --> 00:25:26,275
What I but you are

695
00:25:26,595 --> 00:25:28,759
with my input through the years of our

696
00:25:28,759 --> 00:25:31,079
relationship, through all the negotiations and the communication

697
00:25:31,079 --> 00:25:33,640
we've had, you are also interpreting what I

698
00:25:33,640 --> 00:25:34,140
need

699
00:25:34,679 --> 00:25:36,700
and trying to give me what I need

700
00:25:37,159 --> 00:25:38,839
instead of just what I want. Just what

701
00:25:38,839 --> 00:25:41,365
you want. Right. Right. Which means that's a

702
00:25:41,365 --> 00:25:42,964
part of the fact that sometimes, not just

703
00:25:42,964 --> 00:25:45,605
sadistically, sometimes you're just not gonna initiate. We're

704
00:25:45,605 --> 00:25:47,365
not gonna do the thing. You're gonna say

705
00:25:47,365 --> 00:25:49,304
no because in your estimation,

706
00:25:49,605 --> 00:25:51,524
that is not a need. That's a want.

707
00:25:51,524 --> 00:25:53,204
At this point. And it's not the right

708
00:25:53,204 --> 00:25:54,664
time for that want. Correct.

709
00:25:55,524 --> 00:25:57,529
So that is then where I think folks

710
00:25:57,529 --> 00:25:59,630
have to get real clear with themselves

711
00:26:00,490 --> 00:26:02,910
about their wants versus their needs.

712
00:26:03,849 --> 00:26:06,009
I am a sassy baby girl. I want

713
00:26:06,009 --> 00:26:08,009
what I want when I want it. That

714
00:26:08,009 --> 00:26:09,674
does not mean that's the right thing

715
00:26:22,980 --> 00:26:24,759
I need for you to be in control

716
00:26:24,820 --> 00:26:26,500
to the extent that you want to be

717
00:26:26,500 --> 00:26:28,820
in control. Right. But what that means is

718
00:26:28,820 --> 00:26:32,339
by allowing that control, I'm giving up the

719
00:26:32,339 --> 00:26:33,240
ability to,

720
00:26:33,539 --> 00:26:34,740
as long as I consent to it, to

721
00:26:34,740 --> 00:26:36,794
make those decisions. Those decisions then are on

722
00:26:36,794 --> 00:26:39,115
you. True. Which goes back to you are

723
00:26:39,115 --> 00:26:40,575
gonna say no sometimes.

724
00:26:40,954 --> 00:26:41,454
Right.

725
00:26:41,835 --> 00:26:42,654
Yeah. Sometimes

726
00:26:43,515 --> 00:26:44,815
I am gonna say no.

727
00:26:47,034 --> 00:26:47,534
What

728
00:26:48,419 --> 00:26:50,759
I think crosses the line the other way

729
00:26:53,220 --> 00:26:55,319
is alright well you know what not today.

730
00:26:55,779 --> 00:26:56,839
Mhmm. Okay.

731
00:26:57,460 --> 00:26:59,240
That's not my favorite either. There.

732
00:27:00,295 --> 00:27:01,974
Today. And then and then tomorrow rolls around.

733
00:27:01,974 --> 00:27:04,075
You know what? Not today. Mhmm.

734
00:27:04,535 --> 00:27:06,234
You know? And it's just an endless

735
00:27:08,295 --> 00:27:09,275
run of nose.

736
00:27:11,335 --> 00:27:13,255
Yeah. And that I think isn't the problem.

737
00:27:13,255 --> 00:27:15,109
I think that's where power exchange folks in

738
00:27:15,109 --> 00:27:17,029
power exchange can go wrong. Because if you

739
00:27:17,029 --> 00:27:18,950
are constantly saying not today, not today, not

740
00:27:18,950 --> 00:27:19,450
today,

741
00:27:19,829 --> 00:27:21,369
now I'm not only I'm

742
00:27:22,069 --> 00:27:25,029
I don't need as a submissive to always

743
00:27:25,029 --> 00:27:27,109
be denied. Right. But that's not been a

744
00:27:27,109 --> 00:27:27,609
satisfying

745
00:27:28,065 --> 00:27:30,325
part of the power exchange for me because

746
00:27:30,544 --> 00:27:31,044
those

747
00:27:32,224 --> 00:27:35,105
those wants can absolutely turn into needs if

748
00:27:35,105 --> 00:27:36,644
you don't get them ever.

749
00:27:37,024 --> 00:27:38,085
Right? Yep.

750
00:27:38,464 --> 00:27:40,804
But also there are some needs that

751
00:27:41,630 --> 00:27:43,650
will not and cannot be fulfilled

752
00:27:44,190 --> 00:27:46,190
every day, every moment of every day, all

753
00:27:46,190 --> 00:27:48,269
the time, however you want to define that.

754
00:27:48,269 --> 00:27:50,130
There's some needs that

755
00:27:51,309 --> 00:27:52,690
real life is going to intervene.

756
00:27:53,070 --> 00:27:55,455
How are each how do either of us

757
00:27:55,455 --> 00:27:56,815
feel on a given day? What do we

758
00:27:56,815 --> 00:27:58,174
have the energy for? What do we have

759
00:27:58,174 --> 00:28:00,654
the capacity for? Is this the right time

760
00:28:00,654 --> 00:28:02,335
for it? Can we find the right time

761
00:28:02,335 --> 00:28:04,654
for it? And so even the things that

762
00:28:04,654 --> 00:28:06,150
you really need, like, I need

763
00:28:07,109 --> 00:28:10,150
impact. Right. I need roughness as part of

764
00:28:10,150 --> 00:28:13,369
sexual intimacy. I need certain types of pain.

765
00:28:13,509 --> 00:28:16,410
I need to be controlled in certain ways

766
00:28:16,549 --> 00:28:18,009
at in certain times.

767
00:28:18,309 --> 00:28:19,830
I can go a long time without that

768
00:28:19,830 --> 00:28:22,044
because there's usually a good reason. It's very

769
00:28:22,044 --> 00:28:24,684
understandable. Mhmm. We're busy. We're tired. We're this.

770
00:28:24,684 --> 00:28:26,704
There's stress. There's illness. There's whatever.

771
00:28:27,325 --> 00:28:29,884
But after so long, then it's like, okay.

772
00:28:29,884 --> 00:28:31,884
Now I'm Enough is enough. Enough is enough.

773
00:28:31,884 --> 00:28:34,619
Yeah. Exactly. And I, you know, I think,

774
00:28:34,700 --> 00:28:37,339
oh, sure. Lola, just be right by the

775
00:28:37,339 --> 00:28:39,019
box. Yeah. I know. That's why I kept

776
00:28:39,019 --> 00:28:41,099
looking over there. She was laying right next

777
00:28:41,099 --> 00:28:42,240
to the power strip

778
00:28:42,539 --> 00:28:43,119
for everything.

779
00:28:44,779 --> 00:28:45,279
But

780
00:28:45,980 --> 00:28:48,304
so then you then have the sort of

781
00:28:49,085 --> 00:28:49,664
the additional

782
00:28:49,964 --> 00:28:52,044
responsibility or maybe it's just part of the

783
00:28:52,044 --> 00:28:52,544
responsibility

784
00:28:53,484 --> 00:28:55,505
that you have to

785
00:28:57,164 --> 00:28:57,984
make sure

786
00:28:59,085 --> 00:29:01,105
that I get some of what I need

787
00:29:02,210 --> 00:29:03,109
often enough

788
00:29:04,850 --> 00:29:06,070
that I'm happy.

789
00:29:06,529 --> 00:29:09,269
We're all happy. Everybody's doing good. The relationship

790
00:29:09,330 --> 00:29:10,070
is, like,

791
00:29:10,529 --> 00:29:12,210
progressing in a way that it needs to

792
00:29:12,210 --> 00:29:14,690
or it's, you know, we're functioning in a

793
00:29:14,690 --> 00:29:16,390
way that's good for both of us.

794
00:29:17,325 --> 00:29:19,345
It's a balancing act. Mhmm.

795
00:29:19,644 --> 00:29:21,105
That's, you know,

796
00:29:24,204 --> 00:29:25,964
don't wanna go too far one way or

797
00:29:25,964 --> 00:29:28,365
too far the other way. Right. You know,

798
00:29:28,365 --> 00:29:29,744
you don't wanna be overindulgent.

799
00:29:31,330 --> 00:29:32,869
I mean, I think you could be.

800
00:29:33,809 --> 00:29:35,910
I think it's okay. I think, you know,

801
00:29:36,130 --> 00:29:37,670
special moments. Mhmm.

802
00:29:37,970 --> 00:29:39,590
Mother's Day. Mhmm. Birthday.

803
00:29:40,769 --> 00:29:42,630
Wow. Because I look cute that day. Whatever.

804
00:29:42,850 --> 00:29:43,350
Whatever.

805
00:29:49,714 --> 00:29:52,454
So What that means then though is

806
00:29:53,075 --> 00:29:53,974
as a submissive,

807
00:29:54,835 --> 00:29:56,914
if it feels like it's been too long

808
00:29:56,914 --> 00:30:00,119
or I am missing something Right. That I'm

809
00:30:00,200 --> 00:30:00,940
it's now

810
00:30:02,200 --> 00:30:04,140
creating some level of negative

811
00:30:04,519 --> 00:30:05,740
feelings or

812
00:30:06,119 --> 00:30:06,619
resentment

813
00:30:07,000 --> 00:30:09,944
or worry or I just feel off.

814
00:30:10,424 --> 00:30:12,105
Like, some kink is not therapy, but it

815
00:30:12,105 --> 00:30:14,744
is therapeutic. Mhmm. And there are parts of

816
00:30:14,744 --> 00:30:16,204
it that we can experience

817
00:30:16,505 --> 00:30:19,704
as individuals that make us feel good. And

818
00:30:19,704 --> 00:30:21,224
you go too long without it, and you're

819
00:30:21,224 --> 00:30:23,144
like, well, I don't feel good. I don't

820
00:30:23,144 --> 00:30:25,920
feel like I'm functioning right. So at that

821
00:30:26,400 --> 00:30:28,000
point, it would be nice if you sort

822
00:30:28,000 --> 00:30:30,080
of noticed. Or Yeah. If you were like,

823
00:30:30,080 --> 00:30:31,440
wait, it has been a while. I we

824
00:30:31,440 --> 00:30:33,059
should really do something. But

825
00:30:34,400 --> 00:30:35,619
even if you do

826
00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:37,140
eventually get there,

827
00:30:37,440 --> 00:30:39,940
it is still my responsibility as a submissive

828
00:30:40,080 --> 00:30:40,575
to,

829
00:30:40,894 --> 00:30:42,654
you know, in the way that is dictated

830
00:30:42,654 --> 00:30:44,894
by our power changer. We've negotiated for how

831
00:30:44,894 --> 00:30:45,554
we communicate

832
00:30:45,934 --> 00:30:48,194
these things. It is my job to go,

833
00:30:48,335 --> 00:30:48,835
hey.

834
00:30:49,134 --> 00:30:49,634
Right.

835
00:30:50,255 --> 00:30:52,174
There's some stuff missing here. Can we talk

836
00:30:52,174 --> 00:30:53,315
about that? Absolutely.

837
00:30:54,500 --> 00:30:55,159
You know

838
00:30:55,779 --> 00:30:58,259
you know I am notorious I can get

839
00:30:58,259 --> 00:30:59,960
wrapped up in my head.

840
00:31:00,259 --> 00:31:03,220
I know. And and just hyper focus on

841
00:31:03,220 --> 00:31:04,279
something and

842
00:31:05,714 --> 00:31:06,534
you know.

843
00:31:07,474 --> 00:31:09,734
Mhmm. What? There's a world? There's other people?

844
00:31:10,355 --> 00:31:10,855
Right.

845
00:31:11,554 --> 00:31:13,394
There's something outside of the thing that I

846
00:31:13,394 --> 00:31:13,894
have.

847
00:31:14,674 --> 00:31:17,654
So, you know that that is all too

848
00:31:17,794 --> 00:31:19,140
easy for me to do.

849
00:31:19,619 --> 00:31:20,119
So,

850
00:31:20,420 --> 00:31:22,500
you know, yeah. If if you there comes

851
00:31:22,500 --> 00:31:23,539
a point you have to say,

852
00:31:24,259 --> 00:31:24,759
hi.

853
00:31:25,220 --> 00:31:26,680
Remember me over here?

854
00:31:27,140 --> 00:31:29,720
Yes. Now here's the thing and

855
00:31:30,180 --> 00:31:30,680
this

856
00:31:31,634 --> 00:31:33,474
I don't it will not apply to all

857
00:31:33,474 --> 00:31:33,974
people

858
00:31:34,275 --> 00:31:35,714
all the time, but I think this is

859
00:31:35,714 --> 00:31:36,535
something that

860
00:31:37,875 --> 00:31:39,974
can happen to anyone at any time.

861
00:31:41,154 --> 00:31:43,650
Depends on how you're wired, I'm sure. I

862
00:31:43,650 --> 00:31:45,730
am extremely understanding of the fact that you

863
00:31:45,730 --> 00:31:47,809
were tired. Your mental health is

864
00:31:48,210 --> 00:31:49,809
was not good as, you know, could be

865
00:31:49,809 --> 00:31:52,369
better, but what? You're sick. You're busy. You're

866
00:31:52,369 --> 00:31:54,609
this. You're that. Blah, blah, blah. And so

867
00:31:54,609 --> 00:31:55,830
I do

868
00:31:56,769 --> 00:31:58,309
have the problem sometimes

869
00:31:59,014 --> 00:31:59,514
of

870
00:32:00,134 --> 00:32:02,375
telling myself, oh, this is not a good

871
00:32:02,375 --> 00:32:03,654
time to bring it up. Oh, this is

872
00:32:03,654 --> 00:32:04,694
not a good time to bring up. And

873
00:32:04,694 --> 00:32:07,014
then what I'll do is push myself back

874
00:32:07,014 --> 00:32:09,414
into making myself wait even longer. Not good

875
00:32:09,414 --> 00:32:11,575
either. Yeah. Knock it out. No. Because there's

876
00:32:11,575 --> 00:32:12,875
there's never the perfect

877
00:32:13,414 --> 00:32:16,579
time. No. And even and this is

878
00:32:17,440 --> 00:32:19,279
this is the part that sometimes I have

879
00:32:19,279 --> 00:32:21,519
to remind myself about. So maybe I'm also

880
00:32:21,519 --> 00:32:23,059
reminding somebody out there.

881
00:32:23,839 --> 00:32:25,619
I can tell JB explicitly

882
00:32:26,320 --> 00:32:28,355
exactly what I want, exactly what I need,

883
00:32:28,355 --> 00:32:30,595
what I'm missing, what I'm craving, what would

884
00:32:30,595 --> 00:32:31,575
help me feel,

885
00:32:32,674 --> 00:32:33,815
you know, better,

886
00:32:34,434 --> 00:32:34,934
more,

887
00:32:35,315 --> 00:32:38,034
you know, what are words, like more grounded,

888
00:32:38,034 --> 00:32:39,954
more submissive, give, you know, give me some

889
00:32:39,954 --> 00:32:41,809
of what I want need. And it is

890
00:32:41,809 --> 00:32:43,430
still his decision

891
00:32:44,210 --> 00:32:46,549
on how that happens, when that happens,

892
00:32:47,089 --> 00:32:48,070
if that happens.

893
00:32:49,410 --> 00:32:50,930
Which that goes back to being a big

894
00:32:50,930 --> 00:32:53,730
responsibility because It is. If you let it

895
00:32:53,730 --> 00:32:56,325
go too long especially after I've communicated my

896
00:32:56,325 --> 00:32:59,045
needs, well, now we're in resentment territory. Now

897
00:32:59,045 --> 00:33:00,964
we're in the what am I what are

898
00:33:00,964 --> 00:33:03,445
we doing here? You know? Because now it's

899
00:33:03,445 --> 00:33:04,664
it's one-sided.

900
00:33:05,445 --> 00:33:07,285
Correct. I in a in a way, one

901
00:33:07,285 --> 00:33:09,470
person is essentially maybe getting what they need.

902
00:33:09,470 --> 00:33:10,909
Now if you're in a situation, we've been

903
00:33:10,909 --> 00:33:13,230
in this, where nobody is getting what they

904
00:33:13,230 --> 00:33:15,309
need because the dom does not have the

905
00:33:15,309 --> 00:33:15,809
capacity

906
00:33:16,190 --> 00:33:17,250
to do that,

907
00:33:17,710 --> 00:33:19,950
then there can still be some resentment. I

908
00:33:19,950 --> 00:33:21,549
I felt that over the years when we

909
00:33:21,549 --> 00:33:23,384
were we were coasting. Mhmm.

910
00:33:24,105 --> 00:33:26,125
Because you still got to make the decisions.

911
00:33:26,424 --> 00:33:28,024
Yeah. You didn't wanna make as many of

912
00:33:28,024 --> 00:33:29,464
them. I didn't That's true. You know, try

913
00:33:29,464 --> 00:33:31,384
to push you through. But I still knew

914
00:33:31,384 --> 00:33:33,544
there was no just me making that decision

915
00:33:33,544 --> 00:33:36,284
and not coming to you, you know? So

916
00:33:36,585 --> 00:33:38,150
even in times where you're like, I don't

917
00:33:38,150 --> 00:33:40,490
have the capacity for as much,

918
00:33:41,430 --> 00:33:42,569
could I have negotiated

919
00:33:43,109 --> 00:33:44,950
not doing the things I do? I could

920
00:33:44,950 --> 00:33:46,549
have. Mhmm. I think I don't think that

921
00:33:46,549 --> 00:33:47,670
would have been good for me in the

922
00:33:47,670 --> 00:33:49,349
long term. But I could have. That was

923
00:33:49,349 --> 00:33:50,329
always an option.

924
00:33:51,190 --> 00:33:52,730
But, you know, that's where

925
00:33:53,404 --> 00:33:55,484
even when both of you don't have the

926
00:33:55,484 --> 00:33:55,984
capacity

927
00:33:56,845 --> 00:33:58,765
to do everything you you would like to

928
00:33:58,765 --> 00:33:59,265
do,

929
00:33:59,884 --> 00:34:02,044
in my case it's the submissive who was

930
00:34:02,044 --> 00:34:04,845
still providing service, who was still doing the

931
00:34:04,845 --> 00:34:05,664
things willingly.

932
00:34:06,284 --> 00:34:08,385
Again, I could have negotiated

933
00:34:08,684 --> 00:34:10,340
a pause if I felt like I needed

934
00:34:10,340 --> 00:34:12,599
to. I was still doing all those things.

935
00:34:13,219 --> 00:34:14,760
But because you're

936
00:34:15,059 --> 00:34:17,320
you had less capacity for

937
00:34:18,019 --> 00:34:19,320
the big D stuff.

938
00:34:20,739 --> 00:34:22,655
You weren't doing the big D D stuff,

939
00:34:22,655 --> 00:34:23,875
so I wasn't receiving

940
00:34:24,175 --> 00:34:26,014
the big D stuff, but while I was

941
00:34:26,014 --> 00:34:27,795
still doing the submissive stuff.

942
00:34:28,094 --> 00:34:31,454
And that can create an imbalance. Sure. Which

943
00:34:31,534 --> 00:34:32,894
and I can go the other way. It

944
00:34:32,894 --> 00:34:35,375
depends on how what the you know, how

945
00:34:35,375 --> 00:34:36,994
much a Dom does. JB

946
00:34:38,000 --> 00:34:40,559
is the decider, so I might initiate a

947
00:34:40,559 --> 00:34:43,280
conversation. I might initiate that there's a decision

948
00:34:43,280 --> 00:34:45,280
that needs to be made, but that's part

949
00:34:45,280 --> 00:34:47,359
of my service. Some Dom's are the are

950
00:34:47,359 --> 00:34:49,440
the ones doing all that thinking about stuff

951
00:34:49,440 --> 00:34:51,599
and deciding about stuff. There there are a

952
00:34:51,599 --> 00:34:52,880
lot of times I will say to you,

953
00:34:52,880 --> 00:34:53,380
okay.

954
00:34:53,744 --> 00:34:55,744
Decision needs to be made about something. I

955
00:34:55,744 --> 00:34:56,644
want you to go

956
00:34:57,505 --> 00:34:59,105
look into a few things and then let

957
00:34:59,105 --> 00:35:00,784
me know. Right. And then I'll and then

958
00:35:00,784 --> 00:35:02,464
I'll base my decision from there. Right. And

959
00:35:02,464 --> 00:35:04,144
that's how we divide the labor. That's how

960
00:35:04,144 --> 00:35:05,585
we do our power exchange. And there are

961
00:35:05,585 --> 00:35:07,160
some doms who who take on a lot

962
00:35:07,160 --> 00:35:09,260
more a lot more of the work part

963
00:35:09,559 --> 00:35:11,400
and the submissive is just waiting to be

964
00:35:11,400 --> 00:35:13,320
told what needs to be done. And then

965
00:35:13,320 --> 00:35:15,160
of course there's a million other varieties other

966
00:35:15,160 --> 00:35:17,320
than that. And so I think that imbalance

967
00:35:17,320 --> 00:35:19,180
can occur on either side of the slash.

968
00:35:19,720 --> 00:35:21,900
But I think that's an in, you know,

969
00:35:22,394 --> 00:35:24,255
an issue that has to be considered

970
00:35:25,195 --> 00:35:26,574
by the person who has

971
00:35:27,114 --> 00:35:29,434
that responsibility by the dominant with that amount

972
00:35:29,434 --> 00:35:30,175
of authority

973
00:35:30,795 --> 00:35:31,295
that,

974
00:35:32,155 --> 00:35:34,635
you know, that authority allows you to decide

975
00:35:34,635 --> 00:35:36,255
you're not going to do the thing.

976
00:35:37,219 --> 00:35:39,139
You're gonna say no. It's not an option,

977
00:35:39,139 --> 00:35:41,139
whatever, whatever. But for how long? And what

978
00:35:41,139 --> 00:35:43,159
does that mean that Mhmm. The submissive

979
00:35:43,460 --> 00:35:45,079
partner is still doing?

980
00:35:45,699 --> 00:35:47,799
And that's to me, that's you know, ideally,

981
00:35:47,940 --> 00:35:49,699
you wouldn't recognize it. You would see that.

982
00:35:49,699 --> 00:35:50,889
You'd tally it in your head and go,

983
00:35:50,889 --> 00:35:52,434
oh, shit. It's been a while.

984
00:35:52,815 --> 00:35:54,675
That's that's that would be great.

985
00:35:55,534 --> 00:35:56,815
I don't think that's a bad thing to

986
00:35:56,815 --> 00:35:59,315
try to work towards being more aware.

987
00:36:00,014 --> 00:36:03,054
But as the submissive partner, I'm the one

988
00:36:03,054 --> 00:36:04,974
living it. I'm the one feeling it. I'm

989
00:36:04,974 --> 00:36:05,635
the one

990
00:36:06,099 --> 00:36:08,900
recognizing that something is off. I like, it

991
00:36:09,139 --> 00:36:09,639
for

992
00:36:10,099 --> 00:36:12,199
me, realizing I needed more time as

993
00:36:12,579 --> 00:36:14,519
the precious baby girl that I am,

994
00:36:15,380 --> 00:36:17,059
who was taken care of by her daddy

995
00:36:17,059 --> 00:36:18,820
dom, it took me a hot minute to

996
00:36:18,820 --> 00:36:20,974
realize what the hell was off. What was

997
00:36:20,974 --> 00:36:23,875
missing? I just knew something, like, service just

998
00:36:24,655 --> 00:36:26,195
it wasn't doing what

999
00:36:26,575 --> 00:36:28,974
it does. It normally does. Right. And so

1000
00:36:28,974 --> 00:36:30,914
it took me a minute to figure out

1001
00:36:31,135 --> 00:36:31,954
what I needed.

1002
00:36:32,575 --> 00:36:34,760
And if you didn't figure out what I

1003
00:36:34,760 --> 00:36:36,760
needed in that same time frame, that makes

1004
00:36:36,760 --> 00:36:38,920
sense. I wouldn't expect you to. But once

1005
00:36:38,920 --> 00:36:40,519
you know is this is once you're like,

1006
00:36:40,519 --> 00:36:42,440
wait, I'm I'm looking around and there's some

1007
00:36:42,440 --> 00:36:44,760
things that we have not been doing for

1008
00:36:44,760 --> 00:36:45,500
too long.

1009
00:36:46,280 --> 00:36:48,355
Then it's the responsibility of the submissive. You

1010
00:36:48,355 --> 00:36:50,055
got it. You've got to speak up.

1011
00:36:50,994 --> 00:36:52,755
It you know, it could be an oversight.

1012
00:36:52,755 --> 00:36:55,474
It could be that whatever your dom is

1013
00:36:55,474 --> 00:36:57,255
going through that's keeping them from

1014
00:36:57,635 --> 00:36:59,394
initiating as much as they once did or

1015
00:36:59,394 --> 00:37:01,539
whatever it is, is big enough. And that

1016
00:37:01,539 --> 00:37:02,679
maybe there's a renegotiation

1017
00:37:02,980 --> 00:37:04,039
that needs to take place.

1018
00:37:04,339 --> 00:37:06,900
Maybe because doms are human, they need a

1019
00:37:06,900 --> 00:37:08,760
little bit of a push sometimes.

1020
00:37:09,779 --> 00:37:11,619
And that's not topping from the bottom. That's

1021
00:37:11,619 --> 00:37:13,639
just like Yeah. Going, Hey,

1022
00:37:13,974 --> 00:37:16,614
remember me over here? There's some stuff I'm

1023
00:37:16,614 --> 00:37:19,114
missing and what and it, you know, I

1024
00:37:20,054 --> 00:37:22,074
Avoid just throwing out accusations.

1025
00:37:22,454 --> 00:37:24,295
You clearly don't want this anymore because you're

1026
00:37:24,295 --> 00:37:25,275
not doing this.

1027
00:37:26,375 --> 00:37:28,775
That might be true, but maybe maybe just

1028
00:37:28,775 --> 00:37:30,219
start with, Hey,

1029
00:37:30,839 --> 00:37:32,059
this is a thing I'm

1030
00:37:32,359 --> 00:37:34,280
I'm missing. Is, you know, can we talk

1031
00:37:34,280 --> 00:37:36,440
about this? Is there anything going on? Is,

1032
00:37:36,440 --> 00:37:37,420
you know, does something

1033
00:37:38,280 --> 00:37:40,679
quick how do we achieve this thing? Do

1034
00:37:40,679 --> 00:37:41,980
you want this thing?

1035
00:37:42,864 --> 00:37:44,864
If we can start from a place of

1036
00:37:44,864 --> 00:37:45,364
curiosity

1037
00:37:45,825 --> 00:37:46,565
and not

1038
00:37:47,265 --> 00:37:48,485
of, Of judgment?

1039
00:37:48,785 --> 00:37:49,765
Yeah. Mhmm.

1040
00:37:50,144 --> 00:37:52,885
That would that's that's ideal. Right.

1041
00:37:53,905 --> 00:37:55,445
That's ideal. Absolutely.

1042
00:37:56,065 --> 00:37:58,065
I I know that, you know, shit happens

1043
00:37:58,065 --> 00:37:58,565
and

1044
00:37:59,000 --> 00:38:00,139
Sometimes, you know,

1045
00:38:00,760 --> 00:38:02,839
you don't say it in the best possible

1046
00:38:02,839 --> 00:38:03,500
way. Like,

1047
00:38:03,960 --> 00:38:05,019
fair. That happens.

1048
00:38:05,719 --> 00:38:08,119
But if you want the conversation to go

1049
00:38:08,119 --> 00:38:08,619
anywhere

1050
00:38:09,319 --> 00:38:11,260
as you're trying to have the conversation,

1051
00:38:12,675 --> 00:38:15,494
start with curiosity, start with respect, mutual

1052
00:38:16,114 --> 00:38:16,614
respect.

1053
00:38:17,074 --> 00:38:17,574
Mhmm.

1054
00:38:19,155 --> 00:38:21,715
Yeah. Coming off with judgment or, you know,

1055
00:38:21,715 --> 00:38:24,275
accusing that that's gonna shut everything down before

1056
00:38:24,275 --> 00:38:26,855
it even starts. Yeah. And you know, I

1057
00:38:27,074 --> 00:38:28,199
have plenty of memories

1058
00:38:28,679 --> 00:38:30,839
from my non kink relationships of the that's

1059
00:38:30,839 --> 00:38:33,960
how the conversations were. It was you're you're

1060
00:38:33,960 --> 00:38:35,480
not doing this thing you're supposed to be

1061
00:38:35,480 --> 00:38:36,940
doing, and he wasn't.

1062
00:38:37,320 --> 00:38:39,079
But I didn't ask, is there a problem?

1063
00:38:39,079 --> 00:38:40,599
Is there something I need to know? I

1064
00:38:40,599 --> 00:38:41,715
just went, what the

1065
00:38:42,755 --> 00:38:43,815
fuck? And now

1066
00:38:44,594 --> 00:38:46,195
I'm trying to be better now. I'm trying

1067
00:38:46,195 --> 00:38:48,114
to, like, grow and improve and have better

1068
00:38:48,114 --> 00:38:50,135
communication skills. Because here's the thing,

1069
00:38:51,235 --> 00:38:51,735
that

1070
00:38:52,114 --> 00:38:54,609
asking in the quote right way or, you

1071
00:38:54,609 --> 00:38:56,849
know, speaking in a respectful tone or being

1072
00:38:56,849 --> 00:38:58,609
the best, in this case, submissive you can

1073
00:38:58,609 --> 00:38:59,109
be

1074
00:38:59,570 --> 00:39:02,289
does not mean that the your dominant partner

1075
00:39:02,289 --> 00:39:03,489
is going to say it right, is going

1076
00:39:03,489 --> 00:39:04,849
to do the thing, is going to follow

1077
00:39:04,849 --> 00:39:05,670
through. Sometimes

1078
00:39:06,530 --> 00:39:08,630
that relationship has run its course. Sometimes

1079
00:39:09,089 --> 00:39:09,750
there's an

1080
00:39:12,215 --> 00:39:13,114
dom you need.

1081
00:39:13,974 --> 00:39:14,474
But

1082
00:39:15,015 --> 00:39:15,914
let's like

1083
00:39:16,375 --> 00:39:18,454
if you're trying to make this be something

1084
00:39:18,454 --> 00:39:19,974
you want it you want it to last

1085
00:39:19,974 --> 00:39:21,414
and you want it to work and you're

1086
00:39:21,414 --> 00:39:23,039
you have some level of good faith that

1087
00:39:23,039 --> 00:39:25,380
there's there's something here,

1088
00:39:26,719 --> 00:39:28,880
then maybe, you know, I'm just saying. Let

1089
00:39:28,880 --> 00:39:30,640
us not go back to our pre kink

1090
00:39:30,640 --> 00:39:33,539
days when Yeah. We didn't communicate well

1091
00:39:34,079 --> 00:39:36,160
because it didn't work then. It's not gonna

1092
00:39:36,160 --> 00:39:38,324
work now. It's not gonna work now.

1093
00:39:39,744 --> 00:39:41,425
I think it's it's completely fair. I know

1094
00:39:41,425 --> 00:39:42,864
that some people do this. When they need

1095
00:39:42,864 --> 00:39:44,485
to have a serious conversation, they,

1096
00:39:44,864 --> 00:39:46,704
you know, have a signal, have a cue,

1097
00:39:46,704 --> 00:39:48,625
have a word, and they step outside of

1098
00:39:48,625 --> 00:39:50,305
their dynamic. I think it's fair to have

1099
00:39:50,305 --> 00:39:51,844
the if you were that type,

1100
00:39:53,119 --> 00:39:55,200
even this conversation can be outside of your

1101
00:39:55,200 --> 00:39:56,340
dynamic. I had a dynamic

1102
00:39:56,640 --> 00:39:58,980
set up like that before. Yeah.

1103
00:39:59,920 --> 00:40:02,660
My brain can't I can't compartmentalize that way.

1104
00:40:02,960 --> 00:40:04,719
I think I've got there's just too many

1105
00:40:04,719 --> 00:40:07,200
neural pathways between all the parts of my

1106
00:40:07,200 --> 00:40:07,700
skin.

1107
00:40:08,125 --> 00:40:09,965
Okay. And so I'm grateful we don't try

1108
00:40:09,965 --> 00:40:10,785
to do that.

1109
00:40:11,164 --> 00:40:13,425
Because the me who is not submissive

1110
00:40:13,965 --> 00:40:16,684
will call somebody that I feel safe with

1111
00:40:16,684 --> 00:40:17,744
on their shit

1112
00:40:18,125 --> 00:40:19,105
very quickly.

1113
00:40:19,644 --> 00:40:21,105
The me that is submissive

1114
00:40:22,219 --> 00:40:24,559
will do it but in a polite way.

1115
00:40:27,420 --> 00:40:29,679
And it should should I use that skill

1116
00:40:29,900 --> 00:40:30,400
outside

1117
00:40:31,500 --> 00:40:33,599
of submission? Sure I should. But,

1118
00:40:34,585 --> 00:40:36,505
you know, for me having the the headspace

1119
00:40:36,505 --> 00:40:38,445
of I am your submissive, you're the decider.

1120
00:40:38,744 --> 00:40:40,425
Because I know I'm safe to say what

1121
00:40:40,425 --> 00:40:42,505
I need to fucking say. Yeah. I can

1122
00:40:42,505 --> 00:40:44,825
find a way to say it in the

1123
00:40:44,825 --> 00:40:45,869
manner that we

1124
00:40:46,190 --> 00:40:47,470
want within our power exchange. Yeah.

1125
00:40:48,990 --> 00:40:49,490
I

1126
00:40:50,430 --> 00:40:52,210
mean, you you have to be,

1127
00:40:53,869 --> 00:40:54,530
I think,

1128
00:40:56,030 --> 00:40:57,250
you know, understandable

1129
00:40:58,464 --> 00:41:00,405
when somebody says no.

1130
00:41:02,385 --> 00:41:04,244
You know, let's be honest, the

1131
00:41:05,025 --> 00:41:06,405
times I have had

1132
00:41:07,344 --> 00:41:08,164
shop accidents

1133
00:41:09,184 --> 00:41:11,364
is when I'm tired. Right.

1134
00:41:11,780 --> 00:41:13,559
Okay? Right. Do you want me

1135
00:41:15,139 --> 00:41:17,380
doing things to you when I am tired

1136
00:41:17,380 --> 00:41:17,880
and

1137
00:41:18,659 --> 00:41:20,679
could very easily make a mistake?

1138
00:41:21,699 --> 00:41:23,940
Well, here's the thing. In this moment where

1139
00:41:23,940 --> 00:41:26,039
we're speaking rationally about it, I can easily

1140
00:41:26,099 --> 00:41:26,599
go,

1141
00:41:27,059 --> 00:41:28,655
of course not. Of course not.

1142
00:41:29,515 --> 00:41:30,574
I can imagine

1143
00:41:30,954 --> 00:41:33,114
if it's been what feels like air quote

1144
00:41:33,114 --> 00:41:35,055
forever, it's been a long time,

1145
00:41:36,795 --> 00:41:38,795
and two things are happening or not happening

1146
00:41:38,795 --> 00:41:41,055
or or or happening. There's not clear communication

1147
00:41:41,275 --> 00:41:42,255
about why

1148
00:41:43,050 --> 00:41:45,530
there's been no initiation. It's all been no.

1149
00:41:45,530 --> 00:41:46,750
We're not doing the thing.

1150
00:41:47,369 --> 00:41:47,869
And

1151
00:41:49,130 --> 00:41:51,130
somebody within the dynamic just does not feel

1152
00:41:51,130 --> 00:41:53,130
like they're getting what they need out of

1153
00:41:53,130 --> 00:41:55,690
the power exchange. Yep. It is very easy

1154
00:41:55,690 --> 00:41:57,675
to go, I have every faith that you

1155
00:41:57,675 --> 00:41:59,295
won't. I think it'll be okay.

1156
00:41:59,755 --> 00:42:00,974
Go ahead anyway.

1157
00:42:02,155 --> 00:42:03,914
And for doms out there who are like,

1158
00:42:03,914 --> 00:42:05,375
Well, what do I say to that?

1159
00:42:06,315 --> 00:42:07,614
You're the dom!

1160
00:42:08,954 --> 00:42:11,355
Depending on how you negotiated your Power Exchange,

1161
00:42:11,355 --> 00:42:11,855
you

1162
00:42:12,170 --> 00:42:13,950
are the decider in that.

1163
00:42:14,489 --> 00:42:16,489
Now I I know there are doms out

1164
00:42:16,489 --> 00:42:17,769
there who think they should just be able

1165
00:42:17,769 --> 00:42:18,590
to say no

1166
00:42:19,050 --> 00:42:21,930
and we're done. And sometimes I you know,

1167
00:42:21,930 --> 00:42:22,430
sure.

1168
00:42:22,809 --> 00:42:25,130
But when we are talking about especially if

1169
00:42:25,130 --> 00:42:27,014
you've got a partner coming to you going,

1170
00:42:27,094 --> 00:42:28,934
I have there's something lacking here. There's something

1171
00:42:28,934 --> 00:42:30,855
I have not gotten to experience. It's not

1172
00:42:30,855 --> 00:42:31,355
happening.

1173
00:42:32,135 --> 00:42:33,734
That is not a time to say no

1174
00:42:33,734 --> 00:42:36,234
when you're done. There you need to explain

1175
00:42:36,534 --> 00:42:37,034
why.

1176
00:42:37,734 --> 00:42:40,469
Tell the why. Then again, there that comes

1177
00:42:40,469 --> 00:42:43,050
down to knowing how to read the room.

1178
00:42:43,429 --> 00:42:44,170
One person

1179
00:42:45,030 --> 00:42:46,250
could accept the note.

1180
00:42:46,869 --> 00:42:47,369
Okay?

1181
00:42:47,750 --> 00:42:50,390
You, you're the type of personality that you

1182
00:42:50,390 --> 00:42:50,890
are,

1183
00:42:51,349 --> 00:42:52,570
you need that explanation.

1184
00:42:52,869 --> 00:42:54,195
I need that explanation the first

1185
00:42:54,994 --> 00:42:56,994
time. By the sixth week, we have still

1186
00:42:56,994 --> 00:42:59,655
not done the thing, and I have communicated

1187
00:42:59,795 --> 00:43:01,555
my needs, and I have been told that

1188
00:43:01,555 --> 00:43:03,474
my needs are important, and that you want

1189
00:43:03,474 --> 00:43:05,635
to do this thing with me. But every

1190
00:43:05,635 --> 00:43:08,340
time the opportunity arises, it's a no or

1191
00:43:08,340 --> 00:43:10,760
nothing happens. Right. When we hit,

1192
00:43:11,059 --> 00:43:12,119
and it's an amorphous

1193
00:43:12,420 --> 00:43:13,160
time frame

1194
00:43:13,700 --> 00:43:16,099
based on the individual. For me, I wanna

1195
00:43:16,099 --> 00:43:17,079
know why immediately.

1196
00:43:17,539 --> 00:43:19,780
Other people can accept a Well, no point.

1197
00:43:19,860 --> 00:43:21,700
I said so. That's my point. There will

1198
00:43:21,700 --> 00:43:23,565
come a certain point you've said no too

1199
00:43:23,565 --> 00:43:25,644
many times and you're not telling me why.

1200
00:43:25,644 --> 00:43:27,885
And as, I'm saying submissive because that's my

1201
00:43:27,885 --> 00:43:30,144
perspective. But the partner on that receiving end,

1202
00:43:30,364 --> 00:43:31,885
they're gonna be like, do they not want

1203
00:43:31,885 --> 00:43:34,364
this relationship? Is it me? Have I done

1204
00:43:34,364 --> 00:43:35,264
something wrong?

1205
00:43:35,789 --> 00:43:37,070
You know what I mean? Like, if we

1206
00:43:37,070 --> 00:43:37,730
are talking

1207
00:43:38,670 --> 00:43:40,989
more than a couple of times or for

1208
00:43:40,989 --> 00:43:43,949
any amount of time that feels long to

1209
00:43:43,949 --> 00:43:46,289
the person who is being denied a thing

1210
00:43:46,349 --> 00:43:48,269
or can't have a thing or can't do

1211
00:43:48,269 --> 00:43:50,684
a thing and they have expressed themselves and

1212
00:43:50,684 --> 00:43:52,864
they have communicated their need for this

1213
00:43:53,404 --> 00:43:55,244
in whatever, like, whatever it is and in

1214
00:43:55,244 --> 00:43:56,144
whatever way,

1215
00:43:56,444 --> 00:43:58,525
you keep not doing the thing for too

1216
00:43:58,525 --> 00:43:59,025
long,

1217
00:43:59,324 --> 00:44:01,324
you better come with a fucking reason because

1218
00:44:01,324 --> 00:44:03,344
what you are doing and I I'm

1219
00:44:04,204 --> 00:44:07,469
the potential for resentment and the potential for

1220
00:44:08,089 --> 00:44:10,170
what's wrong and what it what are they

1221
00:44:10,170 --> 00:44:11,069
not telling me?

1222
00:44:12,250 --> 00:44:14,170
I'm not saying it can kill a relationship.

1223
00:44:14,170 --> 00:44:15,609
Maybe it can. I guess it depends on

1224
00:44:15,609 --> 00:44:17,769
a lot of other factors going on. But

1225
00:44:17,769 --> 00:44:19,069
it can harm

1226
00:44:19,530 --> 00:44:20,030
that

1227
00:44:21,025 --> 00:44:23,505
sense of trust that I've given you this

1228
00:44:23,505 --> 00:44:25,105
authority and you're gonna wield it in a

1229
00:44:25,105 --> 00:44:27,684
way that I will benefit from it.

1230
00:44:28,304 --> 00:44:30,864
See what I'm saying? Yes, there are definitely

1231
00:44:30,864 --> 00:44:32,465
people out there who can just be told

1232
00:44:32,465 --> 00:44:35,049
no, and they will accept it. Cool. But

1233
00:44:35,049 --> 00:44:37,150
I think everybody has a breaking point.

1234
00:44:37,929 --> 00:44:38,429
Sure.

1235
00:44:39,049 --> 00:44:40,809
Your breaking point will be different than my

1236
00:44:40,809 --> 00:44:42,889
breaking point will be different than their breaking

1237
00:44:42,889 --> 00:44:45,210
point. Right. But at a certain point and

1238
00:44:45,210 --> 00:44:47,289
and as a dom, I would say my

1239
00:44:47,289 --> 00:44:47,789
advice

1240
00:44:48,775 --> 00:44:50,855
as somebody who you don't want me to

1241
00:44:50,855 --> 00:44:52,775
be the whiny baby girl in your fucking

1242
00:44:52,775 --> 00:44:53,275
ear.

1243
00:44:54,054 --> 00:44:55,835
If you can see long term

1244
00:44:56,855 --> 00:44:58,934
that you can't do this thing Mhmm. Or

1245
00:44:58,934 --> 00:45:01,894
there there are only specific circumstances that will

1246
00:45:01,894 --> 00:45:03,434
allow you to do this thing.

1247
00:45:03,735 --> 00:45:06,219
And it's either been happening long term or

1248
00:45:06,219 --> 00:45:07,420
you can see that this might be a

1249
00:45:07,420 --> 00:45:08,619
long term thing. This might be a thing

1250
00:45:08,619 --> 00:45:09,279
you have

1251
00:45:09,900 --> 00:45:12,400
to say no to more often than not.

1252
00:45:12,859 --> 00:45:15,440
I think it's, like, it's a good idea

1253
00:45:15,659 --> 00:45:17,900
to be upfront with that. Once you can

1254
00:45:17,900 --> 00:45:20,034
see it for yourself, once you can articulate

1255
00:45:20,494 --> 00:45:22,335
why this can't happen as often as they

1256
00:45:22,335 --> 00:45:24,094
want it to be. Are you working long

1257
00:45:24,094 --> 00:45:26,574
hours? Are you ill? Do you have, you

1258
00:45:26,574 --> 00:45:29,315
know, chronic chronic issues, pain, whatever?

1259
00:45:29,614 --> 00:45:32,755
Like, what goes on that can prevent this?

1260
00:45:33,214 --> 00:45:35,739
And the more we can communicate upfront and

1261
00:45:35,739 --> 00:45:36,719
manage expectations,

1262
00:45:38,539 --> 00:45:41,279
the less opportunity for resentment and

1263
00:45:41,659 --> 00:45:43,920
and, you know, worry and,

1264
00:45:44,299 --> 00:45:47,019
you know, self recrimination to creep in. Mhmm.

1265
00:45:47,019 --> 00:45:49,659
And especially on the submissive side. Submissives in

1266
00:45:49,659 --> 00:45:51,715
general, whatever way you submit and whatever that

1267
00:45:51,715 --> 00:45:53,335
looks like and however you negotiated,

1268
00:45:53,795 --> 00:45:54,534
in general,

1269
00:45:55,315 --> 00:45:57,155
we want something from that, but we want

1270
00:45:57,155 --> 00:45:59,795
to do something for our doms. Right? And

1271
00:45:59,795 --> 00:46:01,655
if our dom is not initiating

1272
00:46:01,954 --> 00:46:03,235
the things that we have been like, hey,

1273
00:46:03,235 --> 00:46:04,675
we would like, this would be great. This

1274
00:46:04,675 --> 00:46:06,670
makes me feel good. I feel more specific.

1275
00:46:06,809 --> 00:46:08,510
Whatever. Whatever. And they're just not.

1276
00:46:09,369 --> 00:46:11,610
Then you've left room for interpretation of why

1277
00:46:11,610 --> 00:46:13,769
that is. And I don't think that's healthy

1278
00:46:13,769 --> 00:46:15,849
for your power today. No. It's not. Then,

1279
00:46:15,849 --> 00:46:16,510
you know,

1280
00:46:17,050 --> 00:46:19,150
you start doing that enough then you're,

1281
00:46:20,505 --> 00:46:22,204
yeah, then then you're in dangerous

1282
00:46:22,505 --> 00:46:24,924
dangerous relationship territory. Mhmm.

1283
00:46:25,385 --> 00:46:25,885
Okay.

1284
00:46:27,464 --> 00:46:27,964
Exactly.

1285
00:46:28,264 --> 00:46:28,764
So

1286
00:46:29,144 --> 00:46:31,625
that's my whole thing. Yes. A dom has

1287
00:46:31,625 --> 00:46:32,364
the authority

1288
00:46:32,904 --> 00:46:34,924
Right. Based on how you what you've negotiated.

1289
00:46:35,170 --> 00:46:37,110
They're going to decide whether to do something,

1290
00:46:37,250 --> 00:46:39,170
to initiate something. They're going to say no.

1291
00:46:39,170 --> 00:46:41,170
They're going to give permission. They're going whatever,

1292
00:46:41,170 --> 00:46:41,989
whatever, whatever.

1293
00:46:42,289 --> 00:46:44,369
Mhmm. And if it's not happening enough and

1294
00:46:44,369 --> 00:46:46,289
a submissive is like, wait, I'm missing things.

1295
00:46:46,289 --> 00:46:48,150
I feel like there's things I'm not getting,

1296
00:46:49,144 --> 00:46:51,784
Then it's the submissive responsibility to speak up.

1297
00:46:51,784 --> 00:46:54,605
Advocate for yourself. Express yourself. Go, hey,

1298
00:46:54,984 --> 00:46:57,065
I would like this. I need this. You

1299
00:46:57,065 --> 00:46:59,484
then do, you know, you're abiding by whatever

1300
00:46:59,545 --> 00:47:01,405
decision that your dom makes.

1301
00:47:02,025 --> 00:47:04,650
But I think for the kind of relationship

1302
00:47:05,590 --> 00:47:06,090
to

1303
00:47:06,390 --> 00:47:09,690
maintain trust between you for open communication,

1304
00:47:11,429 --> 00:47:13,449
doms need to be prepared to explain.

1305
00:47:15,204 --> 00:47:16,885
Even if that's not what you normally do

1306
00:47:16,885 --> 00:47:18,804
in your power exchange. Because if you've got

1307
00:47:18,804 --> 00:47:20,724
a partner coming to you and saying, I

1308
00:47:20,724 --> 00:47:22,585
I would like this or I need this,

1309
00:47:22,644 --> 00:47:23,944
and you're not providing

1310
00:47:25,204 --> 00:47:27,144
Mhmm. Ever or rarely or whatever,

1311
00:47:28,369 --> 00:47:31,269
To me, they are owed a reason why.

1312
00:47:31,650 --> 00:47:32,469
Yeah. And

1313
00:47:33,890 --> 00:47:36,050
you know, I think it's very easy both

1314
00:47:36,050 --> 00:47:37,329
sides of the slash will do this to

1315
00:47:37,329 --> 00:47:39,410
avoid hard conversations. You don't want to disappoint

1316
00:47:39,410 --> 00:47:41,730
your partner. You think they might not accept

1317
00:47:41,730 --> 00:47:42,469
your reason.

1318
00:47:42,844 --> 00:47:45,105
You kind of can't even fully explain yourself.

1319
00:47:46,204 --> 00:47:47,025
Mhmm. Me personally,

1320
00:47:47,484 --> 00:47:49,244
I'd rather hear you go, I can't fully

1321
00:47:49,244 --> 00:47:51,085
explain it. I I haven't wrapped my mind

1322
00:47:51,085 --> 00:47:53,484
around it, but there's something preventing me. It

1323
00:47:53,484 --> 00:47:55,739
is me, not you. That I would still

1324
00:47:55,739 --> 00:47:57,340
want to know more. I would be dying

1325
00:47:57,340 --> 00:47:58,079
of curiosity.

1326
00:47:58,539 --> 00:48:00,380
I would also want to problem solve with

1327
00:48:00,380 --> 00:48:01,579
you. But you wanna know what I would

1328
00:48:01,579 --> 00:48:02,400
also know?

1329
00:48:02,780 --> 00:48:05,420
It's not me, and maybe we can, you

1330
00:48:05,420 --> 00:48:07,579
know That is information too. I don't know

1331
00:48:07,579 --> 00:48:08,699
why I feel this way. I don't know

1332
00:48:08,699 --> 00:48:11,394
why I'm not doing this. Quite frankly, it's

1333
00:48:11,394 --> 00:48:13,474
probably because there's something about it that doesn't

1334
00:48:13,474 --> 00:48:15,235
feel right for you. Maybe it's a thing

1335
00:48:15,235 --> 00:48:16,835
you should not have negotiated. Maybe it's not

1336
00:48:16,835 --> 00:48:18,515
a thing you wanna have control over. Maybe

1337
00:48:18,515 --> 00:48:19,875
it's not a thing you wanna do at

1338
00:48:19,875 --> 00:48:20,375
all.

1339
00:48:22,035 --> 00:48:22,535
But

1340
00:48:22,914 --> 00:48:23,575
I think,

1341
00:48:24,380 --> 00:48:26,619
you know, I would me, I feel would

1342
00:48:26,619 --> 00:48:28,559
feel like I'm owed at least that.

1343
00:48:28,860 --> 00:48:31,280
Help me understand why you are not

1344
00:48:32,460 --> 00:48:35,019
doing the thing that you have said you're

1345
00:48:35,019 --> 00:48:35,835
willing to do

1346
00:48:36,315 --> 00:48:38,795
consistently. A one off, that's you being the

1347
00:48:38,795 --> 00:48:40,815
dummy. You're making a decision. We just Yeah.

1348
00:48:41,195 --> 00:48:43,835
Submissives, part of submission, depending on what you've

1349
00:48:43,835 --> 00:48:46,335
negotiated, is being told no.

1350
00:48:46,635 --> 00:48:48,875
Right. To me, the hardest part of being

1351
00:48:48,875 --> 00:48:49,454
a submissive

1352
00:48:49,994 --> 00:48:50,494
was

1353
00:48:50,820 --> 00:48:53,059
accepting that and accepting that I could tell

1354
00:48:53,059 --> 00:48:54,660
you, hey daddy I want this kind of

1355
00:48:54,660 --> 00:48:57,059
spanking tonight and I might not get that

1356
00:48:57,059 --> 00:48:59,059
kind of spanking. Right? I might not get

1357
00:48:59,059 --> 00:49:00,200
a spanking at all.

1358
00:49:00,579 --> 00:49:03,480
Something entirely different might happen. Right?

1359
00:49:04,805 --> 00:49:06,565
And that, you know, that can be that

1360
00:49:06,565 --> 00:49:07,704
can be a little weird

1361
00:49:08,405 --> 00:49:11,305
to experience for the the first time.

1362
00:49:13,045 --> 00:49:15,364
But if you are a person who wants

1363
00:49:15,525 --> 00:49:18,485
submissive person, who wants only what you want,

1364
00:49:18,485 --> 00:49:20,085
the way you want it, when you want

1365
00:49:20,085 --> 00:49:20,585
it,

1366
00:49:21,099 --> 00:49:22,880
honey, you're probably a bottom.

1367
00:49:23,900 --> 00:49:24,400
Because

1368
00:49:25,420 --> 00:49:27,820
submission is you are submitting to somebody else's

1369
00:49:27,820 --> 00:49:29,900
will to the extent that you've negotiated. You

1370
00:49:29,900 --> 00:49:32,320
don't have to negotiate away all of your

1371
00:49:32,619 --> 00:49:35,105
control and power and whatever. But whatever you

1372
00:49:35,244 --> 00:49:35,744
said,

1373
00:49:36,204 --> 00:49:38,765
yes, dumb, you can be in charge of

1374
00:49:38,765 --> 00:49:39,265
that.

1375
00:49:39,804 --> 00:49:42,364
That means they're in charge of that until

1376
00:49:42,364 --> 00:49:43,644
you're like, no. I don't want you to

1377
00:49:43,644 --> 00:49:44,925
be in charge of that anymore. You know

1378
00:49:44,925 --> 00:49:46,925
what I mean? And that means they're gonna

1379
00:49:46,925 --> 00:49:48,929
tell you no. Yeah. But you say no

1380
00:49:48,929 --> 00:49:50,710
too often? I mean,

1381
00:49:51,010 --> 00:49:53,589
now we need we need a conversation. True.

1382
00:49:54,289 --> 00:49:57,570
True. And I I think that the the

1383
00:49:57,570 --> 00:50:00,130
the dom that relies on because I said

1384
00:50:00,130 --> 00:50:02,204
so, like, they want to be and negotiated

1385
00:50:02,204 --> 00:50:04,444
this hopefully, and you just say no and

1386
00:50:04,444 --> 00:50:06,144
you expect your submissive to,

1387
00:50:06,764 --> 00:50:07,664
accept that. I

1388
00:50:10,045 --> 00:50:12,545
I think you gotta tread real fucking carefully

1389
00:50:12,844 --> 00:50:15,710
because there I know there are power exchange

1390
00:50:15,710 --> 00:50:17,809
relationships where that's kind of the vibe.

1391
00:50:19,230 --> 00:50:21,489
And that works until it doesn't. So

1392
00:50:22,510 --> 00:50:24,269
if you were that type of dumb, you

1393
00:50:24,269 --> 00:50:25,969
need to get real clear with yourself

1394
00:50:26,349 --> 00:50:28,275
that there will be times you will explain

1395
00:50:28,514 --> 00:50:30,434
yourself. Maybe not always. Maybe that's not like

1396
00:50:30,434 --> 00:50:32,054
a dynamic you have. But

1397
00:50:32,594 --> 00:50:34,054
when we're talking about,

1398
00:50:35,394 --> 00:50:38,514
you know, a submissive not feeling seen, not

1399
00:50:38,514 --> 00:50:40,994
feeling like their needs are being met, not

1400
00:50:40,994 --> 00:50:41,494
understanding

1401
00:50:42,114 --> 00:50:44,280
why this is always a no, but it's

1402
00:50:44,280 --> 00:50:45,960
still on the list of things that could

1403
00:50:45,960 --> 00:50:46,460
happen.

1404
00:50:46,840 --> 00:50:48,519
Why you said, Yeah, we'll do that thing,

1405
00:50:48,519 --> 00:50:50,699
and then you never initiate it.

1406
00:50:51,239 --> 00:50:53,800
Even when your partner is saying, Hey, I

1407
00:50:53,800 --> 00:50:55,559
would I would love to have this experience.

1408
00:50:55,559 --> 00:50:56,059
Alright?

1409
00:50:58,425 --> 00:51:00,744
You can't just hide behind no because I

1410
00:51:00,744 --> 00:51:03,644
said so for everything all of the time

1411
00:51:04,505 --> 00:51:06,824
and I just don't I there are two

1412
00:51:06,905 --> 00:51:08,824
there are exceptions to that and I just

1413
00:51:08,824 --> 00:51:10,844
think a dom like that needs to be

1414
00:51:10,844 --> 00:51:13,425
prepared for there to be exceptions to that

1415
00:51:13,425 --> 00:51:16,005
rule. Mhmm. I'm not saying every dom should,

1416
00:51:16,005 --> 00:51:18,585
you know, give a thirty minute lecture on

1417
00:51:18,585 --> 00:51:21,164
why you said no. I wouldn't want that.

1418
00:51:21,164 --> 00:51:23,744
I'd be bored after minute five. But there

1419
00:51:23,744 --> 00:51:25,674
are times where you should be able to

1420
00:51:25,674 --> 00:51:28,074
explain yourself. And I think your submissive has

1421
00:51:28,074 --> 00:51:29,914
every right to want more than just the

1422
00:51:29,914 --> 00:51:31,214
because I said so,

1423
00:51:31,674 --> 00:51:33,534
even if that's what you normally do.

1424
00:51:35,674 --> 00:51:37,054
That's that's my lecture

1425
00:51:38,074 --> 00:51:38,894
on that.

1426
00:51:40,710 --> 00:51:42,250
I, you know, it's nuanced.

1427
00:51:42,630 --> 00:51:46,170
It's, you know. It is. There's no single

1428
00:51:46,390 --> 00:51:48,250
right way to do any of it.

1429
00:51:48,949 --> 00:51:50,250
It's all communication.

1430
00:51:52,309 --> 00:51:52,809
Yes.

1431
00:51:53,989 --> 00:51:56,355
And yes, sometimes you just get told no

1432
00:51:56,355 --> 00:51:58,114
or you don't get the thing. That's why

1433
00:51:58,114 --> 00:51:59,795
I'm first of all, I don't think it's

1434
00:51:59,795 --> 00:52:00,695
a good idea

1435
00:52:01,315 --> 00:52:02,375
to set a rule

1436
00:52:02,914 --> 00:52:05,635
or a mandatory we will do this physical

1437
00:52:05,635 --> 00:52:07,715
thing this many times when we got sex,

1438
00:52:07,715 --> 00:52:10,170
kink scene, doesn't matter. Simply because real life

1439
00:52:10,170 --> 00:52:11,630
will fuck you up. Okay?

1440
00:52:12,969 --> 00:52:13,469
Yeah.

1441
00:52:13,929 --> 00:52:14,429
But

1442
00:52:14,730 --> 00:52:16,329
you can have a goal of that. You

1443
00:52:16,329 --> 00:52:17,609
can have a this would be great. This

1444
00:52:17,609 --> 00:52:19,150
is what we're striving towards.

1445
00:52:19,530 --> 00:52:20,670
And, you know,

1446
00:52:21,684 --> 00:52:22,984
if it doesn't happen,

1447
00:52:23,844 --> 00:52:25,764
have a conversation maybe about why that might

1448
00:52:25,764 --> 00:52:27,204
be. I think sometimes it'll be obvious to

1449
00:52:27,204 --> 00:52:29,364
both of you. Oh, somebody was sickening in

1450
00:52:29,364 --> 00:52:30,664
the hospital. Clearly,

1451
00:52:31,284 --> 00:52:33,045
I was not getting my ass beat twice

1452
00:52:33,045 --> 00:52:34,824
this week or whatever it is. Right? Like,

1453
00:52:35,764 --> 00:52:37,679
sometimes it's obvious. But

1454
00:52:38,460 --> 00:52:38,960
I

1455
00:52:41,820 --> 00:52:44,239
think if you have never had the conversation

1456
00:52:45,099 --> 00:52:47,099
in the negotiation of your power exchange over

1457
00:52:47,099 --> 00:52:49,260
what kind of authority the dom has and

1458
00:52:49,260 --> 00:52:52,125
when they will say be the decider of

1459
00:52:52,125 --> 00:52:53,985
a thing and how that will work.

1460
00:52:54,684 --> 00:52:56,765
Have that conversation before you're like, what do

1461
00:52:56,765 --> 00:52:58,364
you mean you said no? We've never you

1462
00:52:58,364 --> 00:52:59,184
know what I mean?

1463
00:52:59,644 --> 00:53:00,864
Why? Why?

1464
00:53:03,244 --> 00:53:04,805
That that level of authority is a huge

1465
00:53:04,805 --> 00:53:05,505
responsibility, but it's a huge

1466
00:53:06,090 --> 00:53:07,130
That that level of authority is a huge

1467
00:53:07,130 --> 00:53:08,410
responsibility, but it is a huge privilege. Yeah.

1468
00:53:08,410 --> 00:53:10,730
And Yeah. You know, when you're careful with

1469
00:53:10,730 --> 00:53:11,630
it, when you're

1470
00:53:11,930 --> 00:53:14,730
conscientious about it, I think you'll do good

1471
00:53:14,730 --> 00:53:16,349
more often than you'll fuck up.

1472
00:53:16,730 --> 00:53:18,910
But you'll fuck up, Dom's. It will happen.

1473
00:53:19,210 --> 00:53:21,014
You won't mean to necessarily, but

1474
00:53:21,574 --> 00:53:23,414
you'll get busy or you'll have you'll be

1475
00:53:23,414 --> 00:53:25,494
in your own head about shit or, you

1476
00:53:25,494 --> 00:53:25,994
know,

1477
00:53:26,454 --> 00:53:28,454
your sub won't be explicit. You're gonna make

1478
00:53:28,534 --> 00:53:30,954
you're gonna fuck up because you're human. Right.

1479
00:53:32,214 --> 00:53:32,714
But

1480
00:53:34,809 --> 00:53:35,630
just saying.

1481
00:53:38,250 --> 00:53:41,150
So, yeah. That's I probably could keep going.

1482
00:53:42,409 --> 00:53:44,829
I'll just as I'll be repeating myself.

1483
00:53:45,289 --> 00:53:48,170
Is there maybe other ways to look at

1484
00:53:48,170 --> 00:53:51,414
this, you know, part of dominance? Of course

1485
00:53:51,414 --> 00:53:52,155
there is.

1486
00:53:52,534 --> 00:53:55,275
Feel free Mhmm. To comment or

1487
00:53:55,734 --> 00:53:58,454
whatever. However we are connected and you want

1488
00:53:58,454 --> 00:53:59,034
to share

1489
00:54:00,135 --> 00:54:00,635
a

1490
00:54:02,135 --> 00:54:02,795
a perspective

1491
00:54:03,840 --> 00:54:05,280
that we didn't consider here.

1492
00:54:07,119 --> 00:54:07,619
But,

1493
00:54:09,119 --> 00:54:11,200
yeah. Doms get to say no, but it

1494
00:54:11,200 --> 00:54:13,360
is a it's a it's a power that

1495
00:54:13,360 --> 00:54:15,780
has to be wielded properly. Mhmm.

1496
00:54:16,514 --> 00:54:17,255
That's true.

1497
00:54:17,714 --> 00:54:20,034
So That's true. Let me double check my

1498
00:54:20,034 --> 00:54:21,654
notes to make sure I didn't forget anything.

1499
00:54:26,114 --> 00:54:27,815
Yeah. I think we got it. Okay.

1500
00:54:28,769 --> 00:54:29,989
Alright. So,

1501
00:54:31,730 --> 00:54:32,630
are we good?

1502
00:54:33,250 --> 00:54:34,070
I don't know.

1503
00:54:34,369 --> 00:54:35,989
That's not for me to know.

1504
00:54:37,730 --> 00:54:39,410
Keep it kinky y'all. And we'll see you

1505
00:54:39,410 --> 00:54:40,150
next week.

1506
00:54:49,894 --> 00:54:50,394
Dottie.

1507
00:54:50,775 --> 00:54:52,135
Yes, baby girl. Can we talk to the

1508
00:54:52,135 --> 00:54:54,375
crickets? Sure. Okay. What do you wanna talk

1509
00:54:54,375 --> 00:54:54,875
about?

1510
00:54:55,519 --> 00:54:56,420
I got nothing.

1511
00:54:56,880 --> 00:54:59,920
You were your boy band, Mike. I saw

1512
00:54:59,920 --> 00:55:01,440
I saw the live chat. Yeah. I thought

1513
00:55:01,440 --> 00:55:02,960
you could be a member of boy band.

1514
00:55:02,960 --> 00:55:04,800
I know. I know. When we were testing

1515
00:55:04,800 --> 00:55:06,319
it last night on live and he was

1516
00:55:06,319 --> 00:55:08,400
wearing it, I was thinking I knew he

1517
00:55:08,400 --> 00:55:10,319
looked like something, and I could not, and

1518
00:55:10,319 --> 00:55:12,494
it was yeah. Well, you know, I I

1519
00:55:12,494 --> 00:55:14,194
had mentioned this last night too.

1520
00:55:15,214 --> 00:55:16,275
When I was watching

1521
00:55:17,135 --> 00:55:17,875
the videos

1522
00:55:18,255 --> 00:55:20,734
that the company had for setting all this

1523
00:55:20,734 --> 00:55:22,815
up and hooking everything up, they called this

1524
00:55:22,815 --> 00:55:23,954
the Madonna mic.

1525
00:55:24,255 --> 00:55:26,050
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I couldn't remember what I

1526
00:55:26,050 --> 00:55:27,250
knew you called the Madonna mic, but I

1527
00:55:27,250 --> 00:55:29,030
couldn't remember the context. Yep.

1528
00:55:29,569 --> 00:55:30,069
So

1529
00:55:31,089 --> 00:55:32,849
Well, apparently, she was out on stage with

1530
00:55:32,849 --> 00:55:35,569
Sabrina Carpenter rocking like a purple corset. So

1531
00:55:35,809 --> 00:55:36,309
Really?

1532
00:55:36,849 --> 00:55:38,715
You know, get your Madonna on. I'm, you

1533
00:55:38,715 --> 00:55:39,215
know,

1534
00:55:40,155 --> 00:55:41,295
put the kilt on.

1535
00:55:41,835 --> 00:55:43,035
I bet you might be able to wear

1536
00:55:43,035 --> 00:55:44,394
that kilt again. You know, I was thinking

1537
00:55:44,394 --> 00:55:46,635
about that today. I I I need to,

1538
00:55:47,114 --> 00:55:48,315
try it and see where I'm at with

1539
00:55:48,315 --> 00:55:48,635
that.

1540
00:55:50,155 --> 00:55:52,500
I will be an embarrassment, but in, like,

1541
00:55:52,960 --> 00:55:54,400
the most chaotic way if you can wear

1542
00:55:54,400 --> 00:55:56,480
that damn kilt again. I know. I don't

1543
00:55:56,480 --> 00:55:57,840
think you'll want to take me out in

1544
00:55:57,840 --> 00:55:59,380
public, but, you know,

1545
00:56:00,079 --> 00:56:01,619
I will not behave myself.

1546
00:56:05,545 --> 00:56:07,065
Well, you know, I meant I meant I

1547
00:56:07,065 --> 00:56:08,125
meant to tell you,

1548
00:56:09,304 --> 00:56:11,065
I went I went to that that little

1549
00:56:11,065 --> 00:56:14,344
munch Mhmm. Last month. There was, someone there

1550
00:56:14,344 --> 00:56:15,244
wearing a kilt.

1551
00:56:15,625 --> 00:56:17,565
Did they look sexy as well?

1552
00:56:19,864 --> 00:56:21,369
You know, I do feel like

1553
00:56:21,750 --> 00:56:23,769
just wearing the kilt no matter what

1554
00:56:24,150 --> 00:56:25,769
what a person looks like,

1555
00:56:26,710 --> 00:56:28,650
their body type, their whatever.

1556
00:56:29,030 --> 00:56:31,510
I think whatever you look like, whatever level

1557
00:56:31,510 --> 00:56:33,829
of attractiveness somebody perceives you to be, you

1558
00:56:33,829 --> 00:56:35,994
put the kilt on times times by 10,

1559
00:56:35,994 --> 00:56:37,454
whatever it is. Automatically,

1560
00:56:38,954 --> 00:56:41,054
none of the rest matters. Just, you know,

1561
00:56:41,195 --> 00:56:43,114
let me look at your knees, apparently. I

1562
00:56:43,114 --> 00:56:43,934
don't know.

1563
00:56:44,635 --> 00:56:47,375
I don't know. You rock that fucking kilt.

1564
00:56:48,394 --> 00:56:50,315
You still have the black boots. Right? Mhmm.

1565
00:56:50,315 --> 00:56:52,070
You still have the black boots. Boots. Right?

1566
00:56:52,210 --> 00:56:53,750
Yeah. They they need to

1567
00:56:54,050 --> 00:56:55,190
be cleaned up.

1568
00:56:55,570 --> 00:56:57,010
They're I'm just saying I might have a

1569
00:56:57,010 --> 00:56:59,030
lot more needs that need to be seen

1570
00:56:59,250 --> 00:56:59,750
to.

1571
00:57:00,530 --> 00:57:01,030
Okay?

1572
00:57:01,650 --> 00:57:02,390
Just saying.

1573
00:57:03,650 --> 00:57:05,670
But, yeah. I I do need to,

1574
00:57:07,545 --> 00:57:08,824
to give it a to give it a

1575
00:57:08,824 --> 00:57:10,605
try and see. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

1576
00:57:11,704 --> 00:57:12,684
Mhmm. Oh.

1577
00:57:13,304 --> 00:57:14,125
Just saying.

1578
00:57:15,704 --> 00:57:17,005
Maybe we don't need,

1579
00:57:17,945 --> 00:57:20,425
dollars for demos on a Friday night livestream.

1580
00:57:20,425 --> 00:57:21,224
Maybe we need

1581
00:57:22,400 --> 00:57:24,239
I don't know somebody be creative with words,

1582
00:57:24,239 --> 00:57:26,160
but it's you in a kilt on camera.

1583
00:57:26,160 --> 00:57:27,059
I'm just saying.

1584
00:57:27,519 --> 00:57:29,119
I'm just saying. Well, I did say if

1585
00:57:29,119 --> 00:57:31,280
I you know, once I get back into

1586
00:57:31,280 --> 00:57:33,599
it, I would wear it on the stream

1587
00:57:33,599 --> 00:57:34,579
one day. So

1588
00:57:36,264 --> 00:57:38,445
I know. Maybe That's still that's still open.

1589
00:57:38,505 --> 00:57:40,125
Maybe what we do is for every,

1590
00:57:41,625 --> 00:57:43,465
Super Chat, you raise it up another little

1591
00:57:43,465 --> 00:57:45,224
inch above it. You know? See how high

1592
00:57:45,224 --> 00:57:46,045
we can go.

1593
00:57:47,385 --> 00:57:49,480
You will have to wear something underneath it

1594
00:57:49,480 --> 00:57:51,400
if we do that. I would like to

1595
00:57:51,400 --> 00:57:53,340
still have a YouTube channel. Yeah. Really?

1596
00:57:53,960 --> 00:57:55,980
But we've already established I will

1597
00:57:56,680 --> 00:57:59,240
sell some version of you to whomever has

1598
00:57:59,240 --> 00:58:01,960
willing to pay. So Yeah. You take Tayce,

1599
00:58:01,960 --> 00:58:03,364
you said find a good boot

1600
00:58:03,905 --> 00:58:06,405
black. Coins for kilt. Coins for kilt.

1601
00:58:07,184 --> 00:58:09,284
Thank you, kitty. Coins for kilt.

1602
00:58:10,625 --> 00:58:12,545
I am dangerous with this little pack that

1603
00:58:12,704 --> 00:58:14,784
Yeah. You I know. Make me nervous grabbing

1604
00:58:14,784 --> 00:58:16,005
it like that. Well,

1605
00:58:17,264 --> 00:58:19,530
I walked away and I'm like, Lola out

1606
00:58:19,530 --> 00:58:21,610
earlier. I was like, because I forgot it

1607
00:58:21,610 --> 00:58:22,110
existed.

1608
00:58:22,969 --> 00:58:24,489
That's why you got a clip back. I

1609
00:58:24,489 --> 00:58:26,030
tried and then I couldn't sit comfortably.

1610
00:58:28,489 --> 00:58:28,989
So

1611
00:58:30,010 --> 00:58:31,769
I don't know if I'm if I'm made

1612
00:58:31,769 --> 00:58:34,974
for this lavalier mic life. That's all I

1613
00:58:35,115 --> 00:58:35,615
say.

1614
00:58:35,994 --> 00:58:37,454
I'm I'm liking it.

1615
00:58:37,835 --> 00:58:39,515
I'm sure everybody who can now hear you

1616
00:58:39,515 --> 00:58:40,795
no matter which way you move your head

1617
00:58:40,795 --> 00:58:43,115
is liking it too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

1618
00:58:43,115 --> 00:58:45,615
And that that's why that's another reason why

1619
00:58:45,914 --> 00:58:46,414
I

1620
00:58:47,550 --> 00:58:49,630
am sticking with this. When I tried the

1621
00:58:49,630 --> 00:58:53,150
Lavalier, I moved too much. Yeah. You do.

1622
00:58:53,150 --> 00:58:55,550
I I mean, I'm a mover. We know

1623
00:58:55,550 --> 00:58:56,670
that. I'm too, like

1624
00:58:57,070 --> 00:58:59,570
Yeah. But your voice you got a voice

1625
00:58:59,630 --> 00:59:00,289
that carries.

1626
00:59:00,994 --> 00:59:03,315
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We established that, during the

1627
00:59:03,315 --> 00:59:05,715
test day before we record we're doing this

1628
00:59:05,795 --> 00:59:06,775
Yeah. On Tuesday.

1629
00:59:08,035 --> 00:59:09,795
But I think y'all already knew that. There

1630
00:59:09,795 --> 00:59:12,035
was no place before the old mic. There

1631
00:59:12,035 --> 00:59:13,554
was no place you couldn't could put that

1632
00:59:13,554 --> 00:59:15,315
mic. You could not pick up my voice.

1633
00:59:15,315 --> 00:59:15,815
Yeah.

1634
00:59:16,710 --> 00:59:19,050
Hell, I noticed when, we were doing

1635
00:59:19,510 --> 00:59:21,510
the test or whatever Mhmm. And I was

1636
00:59:21,590 --> 00:59:23,449
we were trying to talk into the

1637
00:59:23,750 --> 00:59:25,109
mics to test to make sure we were

1638
00:59:25,109 --> 00:59:26,389
being picked up. I had forgotten to turn

1639
00:59:26,389 --> 00:59:28,230
this damn thing on, but You were bleeding

1640
00:59:28,230 --> 00:59:29,449
into my mic. Exactly.

1641
00:59:29,829 --> 00:59:30,329
Yep.

1642
00:59:30,789 --> 00:59:32,324
Don't you worry. Worry. I'll make

1643
00:59:33,184 --> 00:59:33,684
sure

1644
00:59:34,545 --> 00:59:35,045
I'm

1645
00:59:35,905 --> 00:59:36,405
heard.

1646
00:59:37,265 --> 00:59:39,664
Oh, there's an there's an idea, Tasey. It

1647
00:59:39,664 --> 00:59:41,525
said find a, fitness armband

1648
00:59:42,465 --> 00:59:43,125
for them.

1649
00:59:43,425 --> 00:59:44,485
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

1650
00:59:46,139 --> 00:59:48,219
Oh, Andre asks if your mic box is

1651
00:59:48,219 --> 00:59:50,239
still dead or has the display started working?

1652
00:59:51,260 --> 00:59:52,859
No. You didn't get a chance to call?

1653
00:59:52,859 --> 00:59:54,699
No. Yeah. No. That's gonna be a I

1654
00:59:54,699 --> 00:59:55,760
have to do it tomorrow.

1655
00:59:56,219 --> 00:59:57,779
Yeah. This day kinda got away from us

1656
00:59:57,779 --> 01:00:00,319
a little bit. I I was just

1657
01:00:02,065 --> 01:00:04,005
happy to have my sander back today.

1658
01:00:05,664 --> 01:00:07,985
I was so happy the little things the

1659
01:00:07,985 --> 01:00:10,545
little things. This is DeWalt sander. My DeWalt

1660
01:00:10,545 --> 01:00:11,925
sander which is my

1661
01:00:12,224 --> 01:00:14,864
my premier sander it's it's the best sander

1662
01:00:14,864 --> 01:00:16,969
of the three that I have. And yes,

1663
01:00:16,969 --> 01:00:18,589
he does have three. Yeah.

1664
01:00:20,489 --> 01:00:22,190
The Harbor Freight, well that's

1665
01:00:23,529 --> 01:00:24,029
for

1666
01:00:24,489 --> 01:00:25,469
extreme backups.

1667
01:00:27,690 --> 01:00:30,250
But, anyway the DeWalt because I do use

1668
01:00:30,250 --> 01:00:32,485
it so much. One, I wore out the

1669
01:00:32,485 --> 01:00:34,824
Velcro on the bottom pad

1670
01:00:35,764 --> 01:00:38,244
and I did get the part to replace

1671
01:00:38,244 --> 01:00:38,744
that.

1672
01:00:39,684 --> 01:00:40,744
And then, after

1673
01:00:43,445 --> 01:00:44,105
I started,

1674
01:00:44,804 --> 01:00:46,744
I got that and replaced that,

1675
01:00:47,420 --> 01:00:48,640
Turning it on would

1676
01:00:49,180 --> 01:00:51,599
surge and come to surge and

1677
01:00:51,900 --> 01:00:52,400
and,

1678
01:00:53,980 --> 01:00:56,220
come to find out that when I opened

1679
01:00:56,220 --> 01:00:56,700
it up

1680
01:00:57,180 --> 01:00:58,320
Mhmm. The

1681
01:00:59,275 --> 01:00:59,775
brushes

1682
01:01:00,715 --> 01:01:01,855
in the motor were

1683
01:01:03,275 --> 01:01:04,655
worn down to nubs,

1684
01:01:05,355 --> 01:01:06,255
so I ordered

1685
01:01:06,875 --> 01:01:08,574
some new brushes for it.

1686
01:01:11,594 --> 01:01:13,054
Four and a half weeks later,

1687
01:01:13,994 --> 01:01:14,735
still waiting

1688
01:01:15,069 --> 01:01:15,730
for said

1689
01:01:16,429 --> 01:01:18,449
for us just to arrive. Mhmm.

1690
01:01:19,309 --> 01:01:21,809
And it was the, restaurant rule.

1691
01:01:22,269 --> 01:01:23,949
If you don't know the restaurant rule, if

1692
01:01:23,949 --> 01:01:25,150
you're waiting on your food, if one of

1693
01:01:25,150 --> 01:01:26,589
you gets up and goes to the bathroom,

1694
01:01:26,589 --> 01:01:28,349
invariably your food will arrive. So if you

1695
01:01:28,349 --> 01:01:29,549
feel like you've been waiting for a while,

1696
01:01:29,549 --> 01:01:30,824
one of you just try to go bathroom?

1697
01:01:30,824 --> 01:01:32,585
Mhmm. That's that's what we call the restaurant

1698
01:01:32,585 --> 01:01:34,605
rule. Yep. Okay. Go ahead. Restaurant rule. So,

1699
01:01:35,224 --> 01:01:35,885
you know,

1700
01:01:37,065 --> 01:01:38,664
I had been telling her I'm I'm really

1701
01:01:38,664 --> 01:01:41,545
frustrated because, you know, while the the harbor

1702
01:01:41,545 --> 01:01:42,445
freight thing is

1703
01:01:42,824 --> 01:01:45,464
a okay for backup, it's not Right. Right?

1704
01:01:45,464 --> 01:01:47,579
It's not by DeWalt. Not DeWalt. And the

1705
01:01:47,579 --> 01:01:49,579
other one, the the other one, it's a

1706
01:01:49,579 --> 01:01:50,719
little palm sander.

1707
01:01:51,980 --> 01:01:52,380
And,

1708
01:01:55,099 --> 01:01:56,079
I was like,

1709
01:01:56,380 --> 01:01:58,380
I I think I would really like to

1710
01:01:58,380 --> 01:01:58,880
get

1711
01:01:59,819 --> 01:02:00,319
another

1712
01:02:00,779 --> 01:02:02,565
sander. You're right. I'm tired of waiting. Tired

1713
01:02:02,565 --> 01:02:04,984
of tired of waiting. This You know? Yeah.

1714
01:02:05,364 --> 01:02:05,684
And,

1715
01:02:06,484 --> 01:02:07,864
you finally gave me

1716
01:02:08,164 --> 01:02:09,464
the go ahead. Mhmm.

1717
01:02:10,085 --> 01:02:13,204
What was it? Monday? Tuesday. Tuesday Tuesday morning.

1718
01:02:13,204 --> 01:02:15,045
Because Monday, you came in with a wild

1719
01:02:15,045 --> 01:02:18,029
look on your face, covered in sawdust Oh,

1720
01:02:18,029 --> 01:02:18,769
yeah. Going,

1721
01:02:19,069 --> 01:02:20,449
I can't handle this.

1722
01:02:20,829 --> 01:02:22,509
I think I'm gonna go get another DeWalt.

1723
01:02:22,509 --> 01:02:23,949
And I was like, look. Yeah. Our deposits

1724
01:02:23,949 --> 01:02:25,309
come in on Tuesday. Can you just wait

1725
01:02:25,309 --> 01:02:27,150
till Tuesday? We'll talk about it Tuesday. And

1726
01:02:27,150 --> 01:02:28,769
I thought I was, like,

1727
01:02:29,315 --> 01:02:30,914
hoping that they would call on Monday. I

1728
01:02:30,914 --> 01:02:32,195
mean, we we needed to wait till Tuesday,

1729
01:02:32,195 --> 01:02:33,474
but I was also thinking maybe they'll call

1730
01:02:33,474 --> 01:02:33,974
today.

1731
01:02:34,434 --> 01:02:36,375
So, she, you know, she comes out

1732
01:02:36,835 --> 01:02:39,235
to the shop On Tuesday. On Tuesday morning

1733
01:02:39,235 --> 01:02:41,735
and says, you know, go ahead and and

1734
01:02:42,595 --> 01:02:43,575
and do it.

1735
01:02:44,670 --> 01:02:46,510
And, I was almost tempted to run right

1736
01:02:46,510 --> 01:02:47,250
off then.

1737
01:02:48,109 --> 01:02:49,789
And, I'm like, no, let me, you know,

1738
01:02:49,789 --> 01:02:50,530
I'll I'll go

1739
01:02:51,069 --> 01:02:52,210
later this afternoon.

1740
01:02:52,909 --> 01:02:54,510
So, she leaves the shop and I go

1741
01:02:54,510 --> 01:02:55,730
back and my phone rings.

1742
01:02:57,630 --> 01:02:58,690
The part was in.

1743
01:02:58,989 --> 01:03:00,265
Restaurant rules.

1744
01:03:00,644 --> 01:03:02,085
Yep. I told him I was like, if

1745
01:03:02,085 --> 01:03:03,525
you had gone out and gotten it and

1746
01:03:03,525 --> 01:03:05,364
then gotten a call, that would have gone

1747
01:03:05,364 --> 01:03:07,364
back. Returned it. Yeah. Could have returned. That's

1748
01:03:07,364 --> 01:03:09,224
a $100, Xander. Yeah.

1749
01:03:09,525 --> 01:03:11,045
That's why we tried to fix this so

1750
01:03:11,045 --> 01:03:13,305
you didn't have to buy another $100, Xander.

1751
01:03:13,525 --> 01:03:14,425
But I mean,

1752
01:03:14,989 --> 01:03:16,130
$29

1753
01:03:16,589 --> 01:03:18,849
for a pair of brushes

1754
01:03:19,710 --> 01:03:20,530
compared to

1755
01:03:21,469 --> 01:03:23,949
99 plus for a new one. Right. Yeah.

1756
01:03:23,949 --> 01:03:25,469
And that 99, we're not even sure if

1757
01:03:25,469 --> 01:03:26,829
that's what they're selling it for right now.

1758
01:03:26,909 --> 01:03:28,849
Right now anymore. Right. Yeah. And,

1759
01:03:29,150 --> 01:03:30,804
you know, you use that sander for all

1760
01:03:30,804 --> 01:03:32,324
kinds of things, but we're in the middle

1761
01:03:32,324 --> 01:03:34,105
of a major paddle restocking

1762
01:03:34,405 --> 01:03:37,784
to have a sander that worked right. Yeah.

1763
01:03:38,565 --> 01:03:39,945
Yeah. Yeah. Yep.

1764
01:03:40,485 --> 01:03:41,704
I did. How many

1765
01:03:42,005 --> 01:03:43,525
how many paddles did I hand off to

1766
01:03:43,525 --> 01:03:45,945
you this morning? Well, this morning, that was

1767
01:03:47,420 --> 01:03:48,400
thirteen, fourteen.

1768
01:03:48,700 --> 01:03:51,260
Yeah. And yesterday it was, to him I'm

1769
01:03:51,260 --> 01:03:52,720
looking at him over there, 10.

1770
01:03:53,660 --> 01:03:56,300
And I'm gonna hand you Those those 10

1771
01:03:56,700 --> 01:03:58,860
Mhmm. Took me all day. Yeah. Which they

1772
01:03:58,860 --> 01:04:00,460
shouldn't have because of the sander problem. Because

1773
01:04:00,460 --> 01:04:01,840
of the sander. The

1774
01:04:03,335 --> 01:04:05,335
like an hour and a half. Mhmm. And

1775
01:04:05,335 --> 01:04:06,855
I had that big stack and I was

1776
01:04:06,855 --> 01:04:09,014
like here. Yep. And I'm gonna hand you

1777
01:04:09,014 --> 01:04:11,034
16 thick sticks in

1778
01:04:11,335 --> 01:04:13,255
a day or so. Bring it. I know.

1779
01:04:13,255 --> 01:04:15,355
And I'll get them very quickly. So,

1780
01:04:16,070 --> 01:04:17,050
yeah, it was

1781
01:04:17,349 --> 01:04:18,869
it was no good for you to not

1782
01:04:18,869 --> 01:04:20,869
have that sander. No. That but that you

1783
01:04:20,869 --> 01:04:23,030
know, when you showed me, like, the new

1784
01:04:23,030 --> 01:04:25,309
replacement part versus the one you're replacing Yeah.

1785
01:04:25,429 --> 01:04:26,730
They're worn down,

1786
01:04:27,030 --> 01:04:29,074
like, almost to, like, a nub, you know?

1787
01:04:29,074 --> 01:04:32,135
Yeah. So it clearly is well used. Mhmm.

1788
01:04:33,234 --> 01:04:35,414
Oh, yeah. But now you also, like,

1789
01:04:35,954 --> 01:04:37,635
know where you can go for parts Parts

1790
01:04:37,635 --> 01:04:39,394
and stuff. Right. If a thing can be

1791
01:04:39,394 --> 01:04:41,255
replaced or whatever. Correct.

1792
01:04:42,034 --> 01:04:43,414
Across from the

1793
01:04:44,650 --> 01:04:45,150
transphobic,

1794
01:04:46,010 --> 01:04:47,849
hardware store that I will never walk in

1795
01:04:47,849 --> 01:04:48,829
again. Right.

1796
01:04:50,170 --> 01:04:51,849
And then I don't know that the whole

1797
01:04:51,849 --> 01:04:53,849
place is. I just know that that one

1798
01:04:53,849 --> 01:04:56,510
guy was. That particular person. Yeah. Fucker.

1799
01:04:57,449 --> 01:04:57,929
So

1800
01:04:58,409 --> 01:04:59,150
I know.

1801
01:05:00,675 --> 01:05:01,175
Anyway.

1802
01:05:04,434 --> 01:05:04,934
So,

1803
01:05:06,515 --> 01:05:08,434
but, yeah. It's been it's

1804
01:05:11,155 --> 01:05:13,930
Yeah. Yeah. Mostly just working. Mhmm. You got

1805
01:05:13,930 --> 01:05:16,010
some, like, sinus thing going on. Oh, that's

1806
01:05:16,010 --> 01:05:16,829
the spring

1807
01:05:17,289 --> 01:05:17,789
sinus

1808
01:05:18,250 --> 01:05:20,410
crap. Did the meds I get for you

1809
01:05:20,570 --> 01:05:22,650
or do you feel any difference? Are they

1810
01:05:22,650 --> 01:05:25,610
doing something? Okay. Good. Yeah. Especially the, the

1811
01:05:25,610 --> 01:05:28,335
Flonase helped a lot. Yeah. Because the

1812
01:05:29,214 --> 01:05:31,614
the question JB has to ask himself every

1813
01:05:31,614 --> 01:05:33,714
time he gets the sinus crud is,

1814
01:05:34,014 --> 01:05:36,894
is this a sinus infection or are my

1815
01:05:36,894 --> 01:05:39,054
allergies trying to kill me? Right. So, I

1816
01:05:39,054 --> 01:05:40,275
was like, here's some Flonase

1817
01:05:40,894 --> 01:05:41,795
and some Sudafed.

1818
01:05:42,494 --> 01:05:42,994
Yeah.

1819
01:05:45,190 --> 01:05:46,250
So, you know, between

1820
01:05:46,869 --> 01:05:47,269
the,

1821
01:05:49,430 --> 01:05:51,610
trees all doing their thing here

1822
01:05:52,550 --> 01:05:55,210
and all the fur babies shedding their

1823
01:05:56,550 --> 01:05:58,090
winter coats. Yeah.

1824
01:05:58,835 --> 01:06:01,335
Yeah. I I try to brush them

1825
01:06:02,355 --> 01:06:04,434
best I can, but Yeah. Can't keep up

1826
01:06:04,434 --> 01:06:06,914
with it. So I made this joke. It's

1827
01:06:06,914 --> 01:06:08,775
not really it's not really funny.

1828
01:06:09,234 --> 01:06:11,174
So Ella is just,

1829
01:06:12,110 --> 01:06:13,710
like it's all it looks like puffs of

1830
01:06:13,710 --> 01:06:15,869
smoke, but it's like her fur is just

1831
01:06:15,869 --> 01:06:18,030
flying off of her. Look at her cross

1832
01:06:18,030 --> 01:06:19,650
eyed and more fur comes off. Yeah.

1833
01:06:21,230 --> 01:06:23,385
Onyx apparently is licking all of hers off

1834
01:06:23,465 --> 01:06:25,724
off because I've been cleaning up more hairballs.

1835
01:06:26,105 --> 01:06:28,824
Yeah. Great. This is great. Thanks, Onyx. And

1836
01:06:28,824 --> 01:06:30,204
Onyx is the one I

1837
01:06:31,385 --> 01:06:32,445
try to brush

1838
01:06:32,905 --> 01:06:34,445
the most because of that.

1839
01:06:35,385 --> 01:06:37,085
Mhmm. Yeah. No. Yeah.

1840
01:06:37,880 --> 01:06:38,680
And poor,

1841
01:06:39,160 --> 01:06:39,660
Lola,

1842
01:06:40,039 --> 01:06:42,460
you pet her just a little bit. Yeah.

1843
01:06:42,920 --> 01:06:44,440
And you come up with short haired dog,

1844
01:06:44,440 --> 01:06:46,280
I cannot imagine. Yeah. Those of y'all who

1845
01:06:46,280 --> 01:06:48,840
have long haired dogs, double coat dye, cannot

1846
01:06:48,840 --> 01:06:49,340
imagine.

1847
01:06:49,640 --> 01:06:52,059
I'll keep my short haired dog. Mhmm.

1848
01:06:53,264 --> 01:06:53,764
Mhmm.

1849
01:06:56,545 --> 01:06:57,045
Mhmm.

1850
01:06:59,904 --> 01:07:02,144
Yeah. So there, you know, there's there's all

1851
01:07:02,144 --> 01:07:03,105
that. So, yeah, there

1852
01:07:05,505 --> 01:07:07,409
my allergies kick in and if I don't

1853
01:07:07,569 --> 01:07:09,409
catch the allergy quick enough then it does

1854
01:07:09,409 --> 01:07:11,429
become a sinus infection. Yeah.

1855
01:07:11,809 --> 01:07:12,949
And that's misery.

1856
01:07:14,929 --> 01:07:16,150
Yeah. I mean,

1857
01:07:16,530 --> 01:07:17,889
you've had it bad enough. They had to

1858
01:07:17,889 --> 01:07:19,250
give you a shot in the butt at

1859
01:07:19,250 --> 01:07:20,929
least a couple of times. Yeah. We try

1860
01:07:20,929 --> 01:07:22,049
not to let it get to that point

1861
01:07:22,049 --> 01:07:24,494
if we can help it. No. That's no

1862
01:07:24,494 --> 01:07:26,454
brainer. I'm just I I am just grateful

1863
01:07:26,515 --> 01:07:28,375
for things like TeleMed nowadays.

1864
01:07:28,755 --> 01:07:29,255
Yeah.

1865
01:07:29,555 --> 01:07:30,835
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You've had a couple of

1866
01:07:30,835 --> 01:07:31,655
sinus infections.

1867
01:07:33,235 --> 01:07:33,875
We use,

1868
01:07:34,675 --> 01:07:37,175
Florida Blue Cross Blue Shield. Mhmm.

1869
01:07:38,199 --> 01:07:40,360
And I'm sure other this is a thing

1870
01:07:40,360 --> 01:07:41,800
all insurance can come back to, but they

1871
01:07:41,800 --> 01:07:44,280
have a telemed service. They don't you don't

1872
01:07:44,280 --> 01:07:45,800
pay a co pay if you use theirs.

1873
01:07:45,800 --> 01:07:46,940
Right. And,

1874
01:07:47,320 --> 01:07:49,640
yeah. We've done that. There's been a couple

1875
01:07:49,640 --> 01:07:51,554
of times, like, six, seven in the morning.

1876
01:07:51,554 --> 01:07:52,994
You're on the phone with somebody, and you're

1877
01:07:52,994 --> 01:07:54,375
like, oh, I'm miserable.

1878
01:07:54,835 --> 01:07:55,335
Yeah.

1879
01:07:55,875 --> 01:07:56,375
Yep.

1880
01:07:56,914 --> 01:07:57,734
Yes. Indeed.

1881
01:07:59,875 --> 01:08:00,375
Yeah.

1882
01:08:01,474 --> 01:08:03,315
But I sort of gauge how bad are

1883
01:08:03,315 --> 01:08:05,635
you feeling based on where are you in

1884
01:08:05,635 --> 01:08:05,940
time

1885
01:08:06,659 --> 01:08:08,579
and space. If it's a work day and

1886
01:08:08,579 --> 01:08:10,900
the sun is out, but you were, like,

1887
01:08:10,900 --> 01:08:12,039
at the computer

1888
01:08:12,420 --> 01:08:13,480
playing Terraria,

1889
01:08:14,260 --> 01:08:16,899
I know he feels like shit because he's

1890
01:08:16,899 --> 01:08:17,939
not working. The,

1891
01:08:19,460 --> 01:08:20,119
the other

1892
01:08:22,864 --> 01:08:25,265
indicator is when I get really bad with

1893
01:08:25,265 --> 01:08:27,025
sinus pain, I don't even want my coffee

1894
01:08:27,025 --> 01:08:29,765
in the morning. Yeah. You want nothing. Nothing.

1895
01:08:30,145 --> 01:08:31,284
And you are

1896
01:08:31,744 --> 01:08:32,565
a growly,

1897
01:08:33,025 --> 01:08:36,085
growly, grumpy polar bear. Without the coffee.

1898
01:08:36,385 --> 01:08:39,159
Oh, and with the sinus affection. Yeah. Some

1899
01:08:39,159 --> 01:08:41,579
people get real quiet and keep to themselves.

1900
01:08:42,679 --> 01:08:44,279
And Jamie's like, let me tell you all

1901
01:08:44,279 --> 01:08:45,979
the things I hate right now.

1902
01:08:46,679 --> 01:08:47,079
Like,

1903
01:08:47,719 --> 01:08:49,559
would you like to take a nap? Can

1904
01:08:49,559 --> 01:08:51,045
I can I get you some medicine that

1905
01:08:51,045 --> 01:08:53,204
makes you sleepy? Simon said, do you remember

1906
01:08:53,204 --> 01:08:55,125
how bad my eye was last year? Oh,

1907
01:08:55,125 --> 01:08:55,765
yeah. You had,

1908
01:08:57,045 --> 01:08:58,965
something close to that not as bad as

1909
01:08:58,965 --> 01:08:59,945
last spring, but

1910
01:09:00,324 --> 01:09:01,704
a few weeks ago. Yeah.

1911
01:09:02,005 --> 01:09:03,064
Yeah. Yeah.

1912
01:09:03,550 --> 01:09:04,130
With allergens

1913
01:09:04,829 --> 01:09:07,170
or mystery woods or Yeah.

1914
01:09:07,710 --> 01:09:08,210
Yeah.

1915
01:09:09,469 --> 01:09:09,969
Yep.

1916
01:09:11,229 --> 01:09:12,670
Mhmm. And you're just a hot mess when

1917
01:09:12,670 --> 01:09:15,090
there's allergens in the air.

1918
01:09:16,270 --> 01:09:16,770
Yeah.

1919
01:09:18,135 --> 01:09:18,635
Mhmm.

1920
01:09:22,375 --> 01:09:24,135
And that's all we have to say about

1921
01:09:24,135 --> 01:09:25,194
JB's sinuses.

1922
01:09:27,094 --> 01:09:28,875
Riveting stuff. Right?

1923
01:09:33,090 --> 01:09:33,829
No. I

1924
01:09:35,489 --> 01:09:37,570
just the wood glue. That's my my whole

1925
01:09:37,570 --> 01:09:39,570
thing right now is wood glue. I have

1926
01:09:39,729 --> 01:09:40,710
oh my gosh.

1927
01:09:41,489 --> 01:09:44,310
FedEx guy came by Monday,

1928
01:09:45,475 --> 01:09:45,975
and,

1929
01:09:47,475 --> 01:09:49,235
I'm out. I'm in the garage. I'm gluing

1930
01:09:49,235 --> 01:09:50,614
up wooden knives.

1931
01:09:51,315 --> 01:09:53,795
I'm covered in glue. I have my noise

1932
01:09:53,795 --> 01:09:54,295
canceling,

1933
01:09:55,475 --> 01:09:57,689
headphones on, not because I'm trying to cancel

1934
01:09:57,770 --> 01:09:59,529
noise. I'm trying to listen to my podcast

1935
01:09:59,529 --> 01:10:01,770
and only my podcast. And most people see

1936
01:10:01,770 --> 01:10:03,130
them because they're like the kind you would

1937
01:10:03,130 --> 01:10:05,050
see on a job site. This kind of,

1938
01:10:05,050 --> 01:10:07,710
like, headphones. And most people know that means

1939
01:10:07,930 --> 01:10:09,930
I can't hear you. I don't wanna talk

1940
01:10:09,930 --> 01:10:11,835
to you. FedEx guy did not give a

1941
01:10:11,835 --> 01:10:12,335
fuck.

1942
01:10:12,795 --> 01:10:14,975
So I had to take off my headphones

1943
01:10:15,435 --> 01:10:17,135
and remember to be a polite human,

1944
01:10:17,755 --> 01:10:19,675
took a little package, and he was like,

1945
01:10:19,675 --> 01:10:21,595
what are what are you is that a

1946
01:10:21,595 --> 01:10:23,194
frame? And I was like, what angle are

1947
01:10:23,194 --> 01:10:24,635
you seeing? These are these are knives. And

1948
01:10:24,635 --> 01:10:25,994
I was like, no. It's a wooden knife.

1949
01:10:25,994 --> 01:10:28,139
Oh, that's cool. Can I get one?

1950
01:10:28,520 --> 01:10:29,880
I just looked at them. Like, I don't

1951
01:10:29,880 --> 01:10:31,479
even know what I'm supposed to say in

1952
01:10:31,479 --> 01:10:33,239
response, but I guess my face said it

1953
01:10:33,239 --> 01:10:34,920
for me. He went, you have a good

1954
01:10:34,920 --> 01:10:36,920
day. I was just joking. Like, yeah. You

1955
01:10:36,920 --> 01:10:38,059
better be just joking.

1956
01:10:40,185 --> 01:10:41,784
It's not even finished. What the fuck would

1957
01:10:41,784 --> 01:10:42,925
you do with it?

1958
01:10:43,545 --> 01:10:45,564
It's dripping glue, my friend.

1959
01:10:46,505 --> 01:10:47,564
Yeah. I don't

1960
01:10:48,905 --> 01:10:51,005
our FedEx guys are nice. It was not

1961
01:10:51,800 --> 01:10:53,720
it was not our FedEx guy who comes

1962
01:10:53,720 --> 01:10:55,880
late at night. Ah. It's not our evening

1963
01:10:55,880 --> 01:10:58,119
FedEx guy. Alright. It was another FedEx guy

1964
01:10:58,119 --> 01:11:00,039
that I do recognize, but he doesn't come

1965
01:11:00,039 --> 01:11:01,899
as often. Maybe because we don't

1966
01:11:02,279 --> 01:11:03,645
we don't usually have deliveries

1967
01:11:05,244 --> 01:11:07,725
usually have night time. They're they're usually after

1968
01:11:07,725 --> 01:11:09,425
four or 05:00. Yeah. Yeah.

1969
01:11:10,685 --> 01:11:12,225
Yep. That is true. Mhmm.

1970
01:11:12,685 --> 01:11:14,765
That is very true. And you know what?

1971
01:11:14,765 --> 01:11:16,765
I just remembered talking about the garage. I

1972
01:11:16,765 --> 01:11:17,824
had there's a,

1973
01:11:19,699 --> 01:11:22,659
handle pour in the car. Oh, wow! I

1974
01:11:22,659 --> 01:11:24,100
need to get those out of the pressure

1975
01:11:24,100 --> 01:11:24,600
pot.

1976
01:11:26,739 --> 01:11:28,020
I don't know what I'll be doing when

1977
01:11:28,020 --> 01:11:28,520
I

1978
01:11:30,420 --> 01:11:31,239
finish here.

1979
01:11:31,859 --> 01:11:33,675
Yeah, because I should probably drill holes in

1980
01:11:33,675 --> 01:11:34,954
them for you. Yeah. So you can turn

1981
01:11:34,954 --> 01:11:38,655
them into diabolical stick candles. Mhmm. Yep. Mhmm.

1982
01:11:40,475 --> 01:11:41,375
Mhmm. Yeah.

1983
01:11:43,194 --> 01:11:44,975
I think the energy just

1984
01:11:46,159 --> 01:11:46,979
bottomed out

1985
01:11:47,840 --> 01:11:49,300
between us. Yeah.

1986
01:11:50,159 --> 01:11:52,560
I just keep staring at you when no

1987
01:11:52,560 --> 01:11:54,159
words come out. No, mine. It's gotta be

1988
01:11:54,159 --> 01:11:56,180
great for folks on the other side.

1989
01:11:57,199 --> 01:11:59,359
Well, here at least we're we're getting close

1990
01:11:59,359 --> 01:11:59,600
to,

1991
01:12:00,824 --> 01:12:02,925
time to feed the fur babies. Mhmm.

1992
01:12:03,545 --> 01:12:04,844
And then, feed us.

1993
01:12:05,225 --> 01:12:05,725
Mhmm.

1994
01:12:08,265 --> 01:12:08,765
Yep.

1995
01:12:10,824 --> 01:12:12,125
So, I guess, are we?

1996
01:12:12,820 --> 01:12:14,500
We are beyond done. We could have been

1997
01:12:14,500 --> 01:12:16,039
done ten minutes ago. Probably.

1998
01:12:16,820 --> 01:12:17,479
We just

1999
01:12:18,900 --> 01:12:19,800
I don't know.

2000
01:12:21,380 --> 01:12:23,780
But then Sunday, we have game night. We

2001
01:12:23,780 --> 01:12:25,079
do. Mhmm. If you're

2002
01:12:26,475 --> 01:12:28,975
a member of our Patreon, you are invited

2003
01:12:29,034 --> 01:12:31,435
to game night. Mhmm. I'm gonna try something

2004
01:12:31,435 --> 01:12:32,414
a little bit different

2005
01:12:32,875 --> 01:12:33,614
this time.

2006
01:12:33,994 --> 01:12:35,755
I'm afraid. I'm gonna sit in the other

2007
01:12:35,755 --> 01:12:37,055
room on the other computer.

2008
01:12:37,515 --> 01:12:39,534
We're not gonna be in the same room.

2009
01:12:40,399 --> 01:12:42,159
But, then you won't bleed over into my

2010
01:12:42,159 --> 01:12:44,640
mic and Well, maybe I like bleeding over

2011
01:12:44,640 --> 01:12:47,119
into your mic. It's a special thing we

2012
01:12:47,119 --> 01:12:47,619
share.

2013
01:12:48,000 --> 01:12:49,699
It's fine. Whatever you want to do.

2014
01:12:50,239 --> 01:12:52,154
Whatever you want to do. You're the daddy.

2015
01:12:53,835 --> 01:12:55,594
So I wanna ask if it's too hot

2016
01:12:55,594 --> 01:12:58,234
for 3PM yet. It is getting there. Today

2017
01:12:58,234 --> 01:13:00,414
is very mild. Today, but we've been overcast.

2018
01:13:00,554 --> 01:13:02,795
So Yeah. That that has helped. But,

2019
01:13:03,274 --> 01:13:05,274
yeah. We're we're starting to get there, and

2020
01:13:05,274 --> 01:13:06,635
we do need to sit down and talk

2021
01:13:06,635 --> 01:13:09,590
about that. I know. I forgot to

2022
01:13:10,369 --> 01:13:11,969
do that last week after I said we

2023
01:13:11,969 --> 01:13:13,590
needed to do that last night. I know.

2024
01:13:14,130 --> 01:13:15,590
I forgot about it too until

2025
01:13:16,609 --> 01:13:19,729
today I remembered and then yeah. So we

2026
01:13:19,729 --> 01:13:22,229
do need to talk about that. Mhmm. Yeah.

2027
01:13:23,795 --> 01:13:27,175
So alright. Yep. We, time's sake blind.

2028
01:13:27,715 --> 01:13:29,795
Yes. I'm sure this has been fascinating for

2029
01:13:29,795 --> 01:13:32,515
everybody. Look. Look. If we're just background noise

2030
01:13:32,515 --> 01:13:34,195
for you while you do other things, that's

2031
01:13:34,195 --> 01:13:37,314
cool. That's wonderful. Whatever whatever we can do

2032
01:13:37,390 --> 01:13:38,220
Mhmm. To help.

2033
01:13:39,180 --> 01:13:40,860
Especially if we're not gonna be entertaining. Oh

2034
01:13:40,860 --> 01:13:43,039
my god. We should at least be helpful.

2035
01:13:43,579 --> 01:13:44,079
Lord.

2036
01:13:45,260 --> 01:13:47,579
So yeah. Thank god for being here. Yeah.

2037
01:13:47,579 --> 01:13:49,260
Especially to the bitter end. Mhmm. Especially through

2038
01:13:49,260 --> 01:13:50,860
whatever the hell the last ten minutes has

2039
01:13:50,860 --> 01:13:51,999
been. I don't know.

2040
01:13:52,879 --> 01:13:54,959
And we will hopefully see you in the

2041
01:13:54,959 --> 01:13:57,459
next one. Uh-huh. Okay. Bye. Bye.