You're listening to the Loving BDSM podcast episode
four eighty. Kayla Lords here with the one,
the only,
the The what? The what? Be careful with
your words.
I don't actually have a whole lot of
words today, so I'm not sure
what.
Ah. John Brownstone. Okay.
We've got your new little mic, and I
can't decide what it makes you look like.
You're sitting here shirtless, which is delightful, but
I'm not I can't I don't have words
for that. Okay.
You tried to talk to me and my
brain did not process words.
Yep. And So it's gonna be interesting this
afternoon. Right. Yeah. So I don't really have
anything witty to,
say about you. Okay. Right. Now, I mean,
not even anything that could get me in
trouble. It's not like I'm avoiding words. It's
like I have
like, you've rendered me speechless. That's what it
is. Dang. Yeah. We know that's a lie,
but still.
Sounds good. Right? Yeah.
That's not what we're here to talk about.
Although we will be heavily leaning on your
experience as a dom. Oh, shit. Thank goodness
you got a mic right by your face
for once.
We're gonna need the people to hear you.
Let's hope they can.
This week, we're gonna talk about really a
thing I have not stopped thinking about
since the last,
Reddit episode Mhmm. Where the dom was trying
to figure out the best way to punish
himself or themself. I'm assuming the narration.
The dom is trying to figure out the
best way to, punish themselves
after not,
air quote, following a rule within their relationship.
And my brain just keeps going, but sometimes
a dom says no or a dom
just doesn't
initiate or a dom just doesn't do a
thing because
they
potentially have that kind of authority. And
so we we gotta talk about it because
I can't stop thinking about it.
Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this
is your first time listening, glad to have
you. If you're back for another week, welcome
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PC,
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That's patreon.com/kaylalords
or use the link in the show notes
for a hot minute. Okay. And away we
go. So
before we get into the topic that I
wanna talk about, I have to do a
thing, and I don't have to. I'm choosing
to. It feels important to me. When I
told JB what happened, he thought it was
important.
Two things.
I'm gonna give the content warning
and then a a too long didn't read
version. So for anybody who needs to heed
the content warning, you can
mute us, fast forward, however you're watching or
listening.
The content warning is this thing I'm about
to say we are gonna have very brief
mentions, but nothing detailed
on sexual assault, sexual violence.
So just know that when I tell you
what
briefly it will be mentioned.
The TLDR, for people who need to skip
because of that content warning, is we will
no longer be
mentioning
or using content from or endorsing in any
way
therapy, Jeff. Yeah. Okay. So for me to
skip out, you got the important, you got
the highlight. Let let me get into it
a little bit. I'm gonna be rambly. I've
been thinking for two days about how I
wanna say this
because I, of course, I have to be
awkward. So
first of all, I'm not trying to tell
anybody what they need to do. I don't
like, it's none of my freaking business.
And I'm also actually
wanting to tell y'all this all publicly because
we have done a few episodes where we
used content created by Therapy Jeff.
And I I don't remember what I said,
but I'm sure I said all those times
was yeah, he seems cool. Yeah, I like
him. Yeah, he's got good advice. Yeah, you
should follow him.
And I have had to unfollow him.
I've chosen to unfollow him.
And so if you sought him out because
we said you should,
I want you to know that is no
longer our opinion. I'm gonna give a kind
of a top level of what I saw
and my reasons for it.
If you are interested in the saga,
most of it, the discussion around it, screenshots,
can probably still be found on threads.
Do a search of therapy Jeff and don't
go to his account, but go to all
the conversations about him, and you'll probably see
it.
So it started with
right after oh my god.
Right after the CNN
story on I can't believe I have to
put these words together in a sentence. The
CNN story on the online
rape academy. If you don't know what that
is, you should Google it. I'm not going
into it here.
That story has been out for several weeks,
but it went viral,
relatively recently.
Therapy Jeff made a piece of content.
My assumption is is it is in response
to that story
about
men. I don't remember him saying anybody but
men who,
have
what I think most of us who listen
to it interpreted as intrusive thoughts about rape
and how they need,
a place to go for help and they
need community because if they don't have it,
that online space is what occurs.
And when I
I recognize I have I often recognize that
I don't see the world the way most
people see the world because I see it
through a kink lens.
So I don't always react to certain things
as immediately as maybe others might.
And so I thought, is that an intrusive
thought? I don't know. I have intrusive thoughts
and I desperately want don't want those to
be real, so I can't imagine acting on
it.
Rape fantasy
through the lens of kink is, like, a
thing we have entire conversations on.
So he had no nuance in that video.
Very, like, flat info that did not did
not even touch
things, did not even acknowledge harm that can
be created. Like, it was just like
it was a little messy. It was a
little like it could have been better. And
then apparently he went on threads and it
got worse because people started,
like going, I don't think this is doing
what you think this is doing. He did
not have a good,
response to that. He did not at the
time have a great response to that. And
I was seeing it on threads. I had
somebody from our audience sent me an email.
Shout out to that person. I did see
your email to go, hey, have you seen
this? I was like, okay. Let me keep
looking. Let me keep looking. There are accusations
being thrown around on threads. Not I'm a
person who has been directly harmed by therapy,
Jeff, but a lot of, well, I've heard
and this is the vibe. And I was
like, okay. Well, I need something more concrete.
And then I saw the thing more concrete.
And that is when I went, I
cannot.
Concrete. And then I saw the thing more
concrete, and that is when I went, I
cannot. I cannot follow this person anymore, and
I cannot recommend this person anymore.
And that thing that I saw, somebody posted
on threads,
a question for anybody who could possibly be
and and has ever been on the receiving
end of a hand job and
what they like or what they need or
something like that. Like, tell me about, you
know, what you're looking for or what you
like. I can't remember how they worded it.
But Therapy Jeff's response
under his account where he is a therapist,
his professional account
was a little
I write about sex and I put all
my bits on the Internet and I went,
was that appropriate for a licensed mental
health professional
to say online? Because we all got to
be in his sex fantasy
in about 300 words or 300 characters. And
I was like,
okay. You were you are not helping
yourself. I am now really unsure about you.
I'm going to unfollow.
Since all that, that's been in the past
several days. Apparently, day of recording, I think,
he has put out an apology video. He
has deleted
his the video that started all this and
the arguments that happened on threads. My understanding
is as of the time
of this recording on April 22, video is
still on TikTok, and I think the video
is still on Facebook
where it is presumed it's there because it's
monetized. So
think of that what you will.
My whole point is
when I
am implicitly explicitly
whatever seem to endorse somebody, tell somebody, hey.
I think this person's probably okay if you
wanna go check them out. And we hit
a point where I can't even begin to
imagine what you might see if you went
to their account.
I'm done. I'm out. I'm not putting my
name on that anymore.
So I'm not telling anybody what they need
to do. You get to, you know, we
all get to have our own feelings and
opinions about that. I I think the video
he made initially was probably not made in
an attempt to cause harm, but it could
have. It was very unnuanced. There was, like,
there was no even accounting for the harm
that
has been done to women and other victims
of rape. Like, it that was sloppy. And
then I guess the arguments online
didn't help.
So
if you're at all interested, the therapy side
of both Instagram and threads still talking about
it.
Apparently, silent said it's also a Reddit post.
Okay. Okay. So if you're on Reddit, you
can probably see it there. There's details I
don't even know. There's details I missed. What
I saw was enough for me.
So, yeah, I will be removing any links
that we had to his account.
We're not gonna take down the content we
made. The content
stands,
but I we're yeah.
Yeah. That's that's that's where where we are.
I no longer have enough trust. I trust
the dude with, like, my bank account number,
but I trusted him to be a professional
on the Internet talking about relationships and mental
health. So
if you
followed him because we mentioned him and you
have feelings about that, go check it out
for yourself to the extent that you can.
Do what you feel you need to do.
I just since we talked about him
him and talked about how we thought he
was okay, I had to tell you that
I don't think I don't necessarily think that
anymore. I'm hoping the apology is sincere and
he learns and grows from this, but I
don't have to be there while he learns
and grows from it. There are too many
people
I can follow online to get
good advice from. So
there.
That's the thing.
Tada.
Now after all of that, I'd like to
get into what I actually wanna talk about
today.
Okay.
Said it before, I'm gonna say it again.
This episode was a 100
inspired by that Reddit post Mhmm. Where the
rule in their relationship is they would have
sex at least twice a week.
The dom had a busy week, had a
lot of stuff going on, had personal stuff
to deal with. It did not
make sure they had the sex twice in
the week.
And then the question was, how can I
how can we do punishment? Shouldn't there be
a consequence?
And my brain was the record that kept
skipping on, but
depending on how you negotiated your power exchange,
doms have authority over those things. True. And
so they either
initiate that or they don't.
And so what?
This is not this conversation I'd like to
have is not about should doms have consequences
when you don't do a thing. Like, that's
a different conversation. You know, there's accountability.
We've talked about it before. We can talk
about it again later.
I and I don't know if this conversation
is
about
Adam's authority
Mhmm. And how that works and whatever. I
don't know
if it's a conversation about the difference between
what you need
in your relationship versus what you want. I
don't know if it's a conversation about a
sub's responsibility
to self advocate, to go, hey. There are
things I need that I'm not receiving.
What can we do about them? I don't
I don't know where this conversation takes us,
but I have to talk
to you
on my dump. Oh, dear. Obviously, JB does
not speak for all of Domdom.
Okay?
But I just, like so this is one
of those conversations. I'm not coming at it
with too many, like, fixed ideas in my
head. I I want to explore
this and and go where it takes us.
So
let's start with the thing that I is
what the thing I keep is one of
the thoughts I keep thinking about, which is
how much authority a dom has on the
decision making
when you were the dom. When something has
been it's either negotiated explicitly
or like in our relationship,
we know you're the initiator,
whether it's of sex, a kink scene,
whatever.
I can ask for something if I need
it. And if we can do it and
you're willing, we work that out. Mhmm. But,
like, within our power exchange,
you are going to be the initiator of
a lot of things. True.
And sometimes you just don't initiate
for all kinds of reasons. Right. You're tired.
You're sick. There's not enough time. There's so
can can you talk to me a little
bit about that side of things as a
dom for for you? You know, this this
is kind of one side of this that
makes makes me think of something.
You know, I've I've often
said you don't want to break your toys.
Right?
Mhmm.
And, you know, there there are times say
no for a lot of different reasons
just because, you know, no. You're not getting
a treat. You've already had how many treats
this week. Right. Yeah. Okay?
You know?
You know, the other thing is I there
are times I say no just because I'm
a damn sadist.
That does not surprise me at all.
I see the gleam in your eye when
you do.
You know, because I'm I'm I'm looking for
a reaction.
Right. You know, and I I then I
feed off that reaction.
So,
you know, then then another time I would
say no,
You're prone to headaches. Mhmm.
You know, you get a migraine.
Sure. Oh, I'm not gonna initiate a scene
or or sex or anything with, you know,
when you're in that Right. Yeah. And you're
not gonna Even though we have, you know,
open access Right. You know, I'm I'm not
going to do it. And also, at the
same time,
because of that, I'm not going to punish
you Right. Right. Yeah. For that.
Mhmm. Alright?
So,
you know, I I think it kind of
also
works in reverse Mhmm. Or should. Mhmm.
You know,
again, don't know
exactly how they had this.
I go back to, I don't think you
should have a rule based on how many
times you're gonna be intimate in a given
time period. Yeah. I don't think that's a
good rule.
Even though
regardless
that works for if that's something they want
and they negotiate and that's that's part of
it.
But
nothing is ever
just black and white. Oh, of course.
Shades of gray everywhere. Yeah.
So,
you know, to
to say,
you know, this person had a a busy
week. We both know what a busy week
Sure. Can be like and what it can
do.
Is that grounds for punishment?
I mean,
that part that part,
we did that conversation. I'm talking about you
okay.
We let's pretend we are those people. We
have set an expectation of Right.
A certain level of, let's say, a kink
scene. Not maybe how many, maybe it's a
type, maybe it's
a whatever. And for any reason, throughout a
given time period, you do not initiate them.
Okay. Because because you are the initiator. Right.
In a thing where
you and I know that I have the
freedom to come ask to
I don't initiate, but I can, like, wave
the flag that's, like, clearly there's some interest
here. Right? Yeah.
You know,
regardless of we have this agreement of what
we'll try to do
of anything
or
the, you know, things that we want to
happen in our power exchange
regardless outside of sex or scenes or anything.
If
you were the one left to be the
one to
make that happen, start that, give me the
signal,
do the thing,
that means you then have the authority of
when and how that happens. Correct. So that
means that sometimes it won't happen.
Correct. Regardless of what it is. Now if
it's a thing where
it's, you know, it's been negotiated and or
it's just been discussed and it's an understanding
between people in a relationship that the
hitting mics now. The submissive partner can initiate,
can request, can
whatever.
Now we're talking about an explicit ask where
you it's not that you Mhmm. Did not
initiate, you are able to give a yes
or no. That is another form of your
authority. Mhmm. And And as we've already established,
sometimes you'll say no because you're a fucking
sadist. Mhmm. And he is, and he will.
But, you know,
everybody's different. I know. So I'm asking you,
JB,
from your perspective
as a dom, is that just a other
than anything that's not part of the negotiations
to the agreement or the power exchange, is
that not just an inherent part of your
authority as being the one in charge, being
the decider, having the power, having the control.
Yes.
And that's just now
go back to the very beginning. Can you
negotiate something different in your own power change?
Of course, the fuck you can.
Yeah. I I mean, we we have talked
about it in in the past about how,
you know,
life is insane at times. Sure. Okay.
And,
you know while people say oh they want
you know the spontaneity.
Yeah. Okay,
you know sometimes you have to plan things.
You go, Yes. Alright, you know this weekend
let's do a scene that you know, Sure.
Middle of the week. Hey. We got nothing
going on. Let's Mhmm. Let's do this. And
and you you plan. You have to. Now
To a certain extent. Do you feel like
it's when you say you plan, are you
thinking of yourself as the Dom who's thinking
ahead to what does this week look like
and what do I want? Are you talking
about a mutual decision in the between the
people?
Well,
I think when you plan something out like
that that far out,
you can say,
you know, hey, look. I'm
thinking about us doing something
this weekend. Mhmm. Alright.
Are you open to it? Sure.
You know and then discussing it. How
how much I tell you what is going
to be Right.
Is Right. You know, my prerogative at that
point. Yes.
So Yes.
But
yeah.
I mean, I think you
people in a power exchange can negotiate
the level of authority
the Dom is comfortable having, the sub is
comfortable
allowing the Dom to have over them.
But I and I think that should be
a topic of the discussion when you're figuring
out your power exchange. Because
I don't know how we've gone four eighty
episodes, and I don't know that I've ever
used the word authority
to describe
your dawmliness. You know what I mean? Like
power control decide
in charge, but it is a level of
authority that you
have I've given you, you've accepted, you want,
you don't, you know what I mean? And
that those things fluctuate
over time. You know, we we've talked about
our four or five years of just, like,
skating by on bare minimum, and you did
not have a lot of authority at the
time. You could not handle that much authority.
And now we're
working on getting back into where we want
to be. And I made a comment to
you the other day, and I didn't say
authority, but we were talking about parts of
our power. Authority.
I used to have to do a great
Eric Hartman impression. I'm not gonna do it
and have it live on the Internet, though.
And what I said to you, I didn't
say the word authority, but I will now,
is that on some levels, I think you
are out of practice
of asserting your authority. Mhmm.
Because
you have not
been in a position to be able to
or to want to or have the energy
or the whatever to make certain kinds of
decisions.
Like anything else, it's a muscle. Right. You
know, muscle memory. When you
don't use it, you kind of
lose
it.
And we've had small little conversations about how
I'm like, I I would like you to
have some more control, please. I need to
turn my brain off, please.
We haven't done anything with it. But that
takes me to my next point on this,
which is the
the control and power of of having that
decision making
power Right.
Means it's a a big responsibility,
of course. It's you know, add that to
the list of both privilege and responsibility. Mhmm.
But it also means that because you're not
a mind reader, no dom is,
that's news to you. You heard it here
first.
I think
I can speak for myself on this, if
you go too long as a as a
submissive, if I go too long without something
I
really feel like I need to
feel complete as a submissive to, like, be
part of my submissive experience,
whatever whatever,
then I think,
you know, now we've got upset and hurt
feelings and resentment and worry and,
you know, trying to
not I don't think I'm doing this, but
maybe I am. But I, you know, it
would not be inconceivable for a submissive partner
to try to make that happen
without explicitly going to their dom and going,
hey, Dom. I need this thing.
So now we're dealing in the part where,
okay, you have the authority, you granted that
authority, I'm happy to have you keep that
authority and be able to say yes or
no, or tonight we'll do the thing tomorrow,
whatever whatever it is.
But
sometimes that is dissatisfying
from a submissive perspective to not get the
thing I would like to have. True.
I mean, I don't like it when you
say no. I can't have a treat or,
you know,
no. We actually need to go to bed,
and I can't just stand here and rub
your butt for the next, like, forty five
minutes.
Gotta sleep sometime.
Excuse me. I think that gets a little
bit into
figuring out for yourself as an individual your
what you need in your kink relationship out
of your power of training versus what you
want.
Like and everybody's gonna have some different
variations. I I mean, quite frankly, over a
get a single day, I can waver between
what I feel like I want and what
I feel like I need. Like, I want
you to be the indulgent daddy dom who
lets me do what I want
and thinks I'm the bestest girl ever. It
also gives me exactly the sensations
I love.
And and an unlimited
supply of Diet Coke. Right? Of course. Yeah.
What I but you are
with my input through the years of our
relationship, through all the negotiations and the communication
we've had, you are also interpreting what I
need
and trying to give me what I need
instead of just what I want. Just what
you want. Right. Right. Which means that's a
part of the fact that sometimes, not just
sadistically, sometimes you're just not gonna initiate. We're
not gonna do the thing. You're gonna say
no because in your estimation,
that is not a need. That's a want.
At this point. And it's not the right
time for that want. Correct.
So that is then where I think folks
have to get real clear with themselves
about their wants versus their needs.
I am a sassy baby girl. I want
what I want when I want it. That
does not mean that's the right thing
I need for you to be in control
to the extent that you want to be
in control. Right. But what that means is
by allowing that control, I'm giving up the
ability to,
as long as I consent to it, to
make those decisions. Those decisions then are on
you. True. Which goes back to you are
gonna say no sometimes.
Right.
Yeah. Sometimes
I am gonna say no.
What
I think crosses the line the other way
is alright well you know what not today.
Mhmm. Okay.
That's not my favorite either. There.
Today. And then and then tomorrow rolls around.
You know what? Not today. Mhmm.
You know? And it's just an endless
run of nose.
Yeah. And that I think isn't the problem.
I think that's where power exchange folks in
power exchange can go wrong. Because if you
are constantly saying not today, not today, not
today,
now I'm not only I'm
I don't need as a submissive to always
be denied. Right. But that's not been a
satisfying
part of the power exchange for me because
those
those wants can absolutely turn into needs if
you don't get them ever.
Right? Yep.
But also there are some needs that
will not and cannot be fulfilled
every day, every moment of every day, all
the time, however you want to define that.
There's some needs that
real life is going to intervene.
How are each how do either of us
feel on a given day? What do we
have the energy for? What do we have
the capacity for? Is this the right time
for it? Can we find the right time
for it? And so even the things that
you really need, like, I need
impact. Right. I need roughness as part of
sexual intimacy. I need certain types of pain.
I need to be controlled in certain ways
at in certain times.
I can go a long time without that
because there's usually a good reason. It's very
understandable. Mhmm. We're busy. We're tired. We're this.
There's stress. There's illness. There's whatever.
But after so long, then it's like, okay.
Now I'm Enough is enough. Enough is enough.
Yeah. Exactly. And I, you know, I think,
oh, sure. Lola, just be right by the
box. Yeah. I know. That's why I kept
looking over there. She was laying right next
to the power strip
for everything.
But
so then you then have the sort of
the additional
responsibility or maybe it's just part of the
responsibility
that you have to
make sure
that I get some of what I need
often enough
that I'm happy.
We're all happy. Everybody's doing good. The relationship
is, like,
progressing in a way that it needs to
or it's, you know, we're functioning in a
way that's good for both of us.
It's a balancing act. Mhmm.
That's, you know,
don't wanna go too far one way or
too far the other way. Right. You know,
you don't wanna be overindulgent.
I mean, I think you could be.
I think it's okay. I think, you know,
special moments. Mhmm.
Mother's Day. Mhmm. Birthday.
Wow. Because I look cute that day. Whatever.
Whatever.
So What that means then though is
as a submissive,
if it feels like it's been too long
or I am missing something Right. That I'm
it's now
creating some level of negative
feelings or
resentment
or worry or I just feel off.
Like, some kink is not therapy, but it
is therapeutic. Mhmm. And there are parts of
it that we can experience
as individuals that make us feel good. And
you go too long without it, and you're
like, well, I don't feel good. I don't
feel like I'm functioning right. So at that
point, it would be nice if you sort
of noticed. Or Yeah. If you were like,
wait, it has been a while. I we
should really do something. But
even if you do
eventually get there,
it is still my responsibility as a submissive
to,
you know, in the way that is dictated
by our power changer. We've negotiated for how
we communicate
these things. It is my job to go,
hey.
Right.
There's some stuff missing here. Can we talk
about that? Absolutely.
You know
you know I am notorious I can get
wrapped up in my head.
I know. And and just hyper focus on
something and
you know.
Mhmm. What? There's a world? There's other people?
Right.
There's something outside of the thing that I
have.
So, you know that that is all too
easy for me to do.
So,
you know, yeah. If if you there comes
a point you have to say,
hi.
Remember me over here?
Yes. Now here's the thing and
this
I don't it will not apply to all
people
all the time, but I think this is
something that
can happen to anyone at any time.
Depends on how you're wired, I'm sure. I
am extremely understanding of the fact that you
were tired. Your mental health is
was not good as, you know, could be
better, but what? You're sick. You're busy. You're
this. You're that. Blah, blah, blah. And so
I do
have the problem sometimes
of
telling myself, oh, this is not a good
time to bring it up. Oh, this is
not a good time to bring up. And
then what I'll do is push myself back
into making myself wait even longer. Not good
either. Yeah. Knock it out. No. Because there's
there's never the perfect
time. No. And even and this is
this is the part that sometimes I have
to remind myself about. So maybe I'm also
reminding somebody out there.
I can tell JB explicitly
exactly what I want, exactly what I need,
what I'm missing, what I'm craving, what would
help me feel,
you know, better,
more,
you know, what are words, like more grounded,
more submissive, give, you know, give me some
of what I want need. And it is
still his decision
on how that happens, when that happens,
if that happens.
Which that goes back to being a big
responsibility because It is. If you let it
go too long especially after I've communicated my
needs, well, now we're in resentment territory. Now
we're in the what am I what are
we doing here? You know? Because now it's
it's one-sided.
Correct. I in a in a way, one
person is essentially maybe getting what they need.
Now if you're in a situation, we've been
in this, where nobody is getting what they
need because the dom does not have the
capacity
to do that,
then there can still be some resentment. I
I felt that over the years when we
were we were coasting. Mhmm.
Because you still got to make the decisions.
Yeah. You didn't wanna make as many of
them. I didn't That's true. You know, try
to push you through. But I still knew
there was no just me making that decision
and not coming to you, you know? So
even in times where you're like, I don't
have the capacity for as much,
could I have negotiated
not doing the things I do? I could
have. Mhmm. I think I don't think that
would have been good for me in the
long term. But I could have. That was
always an option.
But, you know, that's where
even when both of you don't have the
capacity
to do everything you you would like to
do,
in my case it's the submissive who was
still providing service, who was still doing the
things willingly.
Again, I could have negotiated
a pause if I felt like I needed
to. I was still doing all those things.
But because you're
you had less capacity for
the big D stuff.
You weren't doing the big D D stuff,
so I wasn't receiving
the big D stuff, but while I was
still doing the submissive stuff.
And that can create an imbalance. Sure. Which
and I can go the other way. It
depends on how what the you know, how
much a Dom does. JB
is the decider, so I might initiate a
conversation. I might initiate that there's a decision
that needs to be made, but that's part
of my service. Some Dom's are the are
the ones doing all that thinking about stuff
and deciding about stuff. There there are a
lot of times I will say to you,
okay.
Decision needs to be made about something. I
want you to go
look into a few things and then let
me know. Right. And then I'll and then
I'll base my decision from there. Right. And
that's how we divide the labor. That's how
we do our power exchange. And there are
some doms who who take on a lot
more a lot more of the work part
and the submissive is just waiting to be
told what needs to be done. And then
of course there's a million other varieties other
than that. And so I think that imbalance
can occur on either side of the slash.
But I think that's an in, you know,
an issue that has to be considered
by the person who has
that responsibility by the dominant with that amount
of authority
that,
you know, that authority allows you to decide
you're not going to do the thing.
You're gonna say no. It's not an option,
whatever, whatever. But for how long? And what
does that mean that Mhmm. The submissive
partner is still doing?
And that's to me, that's you know, ideally,
you wouldn't recognize it. You would see that.
You'd tally it in your head and go,
oh, shit. It's been a while.
That's that's that would be great.
I don't think that's a bad thing to
try to work towards being more aware.
But as the submissive partner, I'm the one
living it. I'm the one feeling it. I'm
the one
recognizing that something is off. I like, it
for
me, realizing I needed more time as
the precious baby girl that I am,
who was taken care of by her daddy
dom, it took me a hot minute to
realize what the hell was off. What was
missing? I just knew something, like, service just
it wasn't doing what
it does. It normally does. Right. And so
it took me a minute to figure out
what I needed.
And if you didn't figure out what I
needed in that same time frame, that makes
sense. I wouldn't expect you to. But once
you know is this is once you're like,
wait, I'm I'm looking around and there's some
things that we have not been doing for
too long.
Then it's the responsibility of the submissive. You
got it. You've got to speak up.
It you know, it could be an oversight.
It could be that whatever your dom is
going through that's keeping them from
initiating as much as they once did or
whatever it is, is big enough. And that
maybe there's a renegotiation
that needs to take place.
Maybe because doms are human, they need a
little bit of a push sometimes.
And that's not topping from the bottom. That's
just like Yeah. Going, Hey,
remember me over here? There's some stuff I'm
missing and what and it, you know, I
Avoid just throwing out accusations.
You clearly don't want this anymore because you're
not doing this.
That might be true, but maybe maybe just
start with, Hey,
this is a thing I'm
I'm missing. Is, you know, can we talk
about this? Is there anything going on? Is,
you know, does something
quick how do we achieve this thing? Do
you want this thing?
If we can start from a place of
curiosity
and not
of, Of judgment?
Yeah. Mhmm.
That would that's that's ideal. Right.
That's ideal. Absolutely.
I I know that, you know, shit happens
and
Sometimes, you know,
you don't say it in the best possible
way. Like,
fair. That happens.
But if you want the conversation to go
anywhere
as you're trying to have the conversation,
start with curiosity, start with respect, mutual
respect.
Mhmm.
Yeah. Coming off with judgment or, you know,
accusing that that's gonna shut everything down before
it even starts. Yeah. And you know, I
have plenty of memories
from my non kink relationships of the that's
how the conversations were. It was you're you're
not doing this thing you're supposed to be
doing, and he wasn't.
But I didn't ask, is there a problem?
Is there something I need to know? I
just went, what the
fuck? And now
I'm trying to be better now. I'm trying
to, like, grow and improve and have better
communication skills. Because here's the thing,
that
asking in the quote right way or, you
know, speaking in a respectful tone or being
the best, in this case, submissive you can
be
does not mean that the your dominant partner
is going to say it right, is going
to do the thing, is going to follow
through. Sometimes
that relationship has run its course. Sometimes
there's an
dom you need.
But
let's like
if you're trying to make this be something
you want it you want it to last
and you want it to work and you're
you have some level of good faith that
there's there's something here,
then maybe, you know, I'm just saying. Let
us not go back to our pre kink
days when Yeah. We didn't communicate well
because it didn't work then. It's not gonna
work now. It's not gonna work now.
I think it's it's completely fair. I know
that some people do this. When they need
to have a serious conversation, they,
you know, have a signal, have a cue,
have a word, and they step outside of
their dynamic. I think it's fair to have
the if you were that type,
even this conversation can be outside of your
dynamic. I had a dynamic
set up like that before. Yeah.
My brain can't I can't compartmentalize that way.
I think I've got there's just too many
neural pathways between all the parts of my
skin.
Okay. And so I'm grateful we don't try
to do that.
Because the me who is not submissive
will call somebody that I feel safe with
on their shit
very quickly.
The me that is submissive
will do it but in a polite way.
And it should should I use that skill
outside
of submission? Sure I should. But,
you know, for me having the the headspace
of I am your submissive, you're the decider.
Because I know I'm safe to say what
I need to fucking say. Yeah. I can
find a way to say it in the
manner that we
want within our power exchange. Yeah.
I
mean, you you have to be,
I think,
you know, understandable
when somebody says no.
You know, let's be honest, the
times I have had
shop accidents
is when I'm tired. Right.
Okay? Right. Do you want me
doing things to you when I am tired
and
could very easily make a mistake?
Well, here's the thing. In this moment where
we're speaking rationally about it, I can easily
go,
of course not. Of course not.
I can imagine
if it's been what feels like air quote
forever, it's been a long time,
and two things are happening or not happening
or or or happening. There's not clear communication
about why
there's been no initiation. It's all been no.
We're not doing the thing.
And
somebody within the dynamic just does not feel
like they're getting what they need out of
the power exchange. Yep. It is very easy
to go, I have every faith that you
won't. I think it'll be okay.
Go ahead anyway.
And for doms out there who are like,
Well, what do I say to that?
You're the dom!
Depending on how you negotiated your Power Exchange,
you
are the decider in that.
Now I I know there are doms out
there who think they should just be able
to say no
and we're done. And sometimes I you know,
sure.
But when we are talking about especially if
you've got a partner coming to you going,
I have there's something lacking here. There's something
I have not gotten to experience. It's not
happening.
That is not a time to say no
when you're done. There you need to explain
why.
Tell the why. Then again, there that comes
down to knowing how to read the room.
One person
could accept the note.
Okay?
You, you're the type of personality that you
are,
you need that explanation.
I need that explanation the first
time. By the sixth week, we have still
not done the thing, and I have communicated
my needs, and I have been told that
my needs are important, and that you want
to do this thing with me. But every
time the opportunity arises, it's a no or
nothing happens. Right. When we hit,
and it's an amorphous
time frame
based on the individual. For me, I wanna
know why immediately.
Other people can accept a Well, no point.
I said so. That's my point. There will
come a certain point you've said no too
many times and you're not telling me why.
And as, I'm saying submissive because that's my
perspective. But the partner on that receiving end,
they're gonna be like, do they not want
this relationship? Is it me? Have I done
something wrong?
You know what I mean? Like, if we
are talking
more than a couple of times or for
any amount of time that feels long to
the person who is being denied a thing
or can't have a thing or can't do
a thing and they have expressed themselves and
they have communicated their need for this
in whatever, like, whatever it is and in
whatever way,
you keep not doing the thing for too
long,
you better come with a fucking reason because
what you are doing and I I'm
the potential for resentment and the potential for
what's wrong and what it what are they
not telling me?
I'm not saying it can kill a relationship.
Maybe it can. I guess it depends on
a lot of other factors going on. But
it can harm
that
sense of trust that I've given you this
authority and you're gonna wield it in a
way that I will benefit from it.
See what I'm saying? Yes, there are definitely
people out there who can just be told
no, and they will accept it. Cool. But
I think everybody has a breaking point.
Sure.
Your breaking point will be different than my
breaking point will be different than their breaking
point. Right. But at a certain point and
and as a dom, I would say my
advice
as somebody who you don't want me to
be the whiny baby girl in your fucking
ear.
If you can see long term
that you can't do this thing Mhmm. Or
there there are only specific circumstances that will
allow you to do this thing.
And it's either been happening long term or
you can see that this might be a
long term thing. This might be a thing
you have
to say no to more often than not.
I think it's, like, it's a good idea
to be upfront with that. Once you can
see it for yourself, once you can articulate
why this can't happen as often as they
want it to be. Are you working long
hours? Are you ill? Do you have, you
know, chronic chronic issues, pain, whatever?
Like, what goes on that can prevent this?
And the more we can communicate upfront and
manage expectations,
the less opportunity for resentment and
and, you know, worry and,
you know, self recrimination to creep in. Mhmm.
And especially on the submissive side. Submissives in
general, whatever way you submit and whatever that
looks like and however you negotiated,
in general,
we want something from that, but we want
to do something for our doms. Right? And
if our dom is not initiating
the things that we have been like, hey,
we would like, this would be great. This
makes me feel good. I feel more specific.
Whatever. Whatever. And they're just not.
Then you've left room for interpretation of why
that is. And I don't think that's healthy
for your power today. No. It's not. Then,
you know,
you start doing that enough then you're,
yeah, then then you're in dangerous
dangerous relationship territory. Mhmm.
Okay.
Exactly.
So
that's my whole thing. Yes. A dom has
the authority
Right. Based on how you what you've negotiated.
They're going to decide whether to do something,
to initiate something. They're going to say no.
They're going to give permission. They're going whatever,
whatever, whatever.
Mhmm. And if it's not happening enough and
a submissive is like, wait, I'm missing things.
I feel like there's things I'm not getting,
Then it's the submissive responsibility to speak up.
Advocate for yourself. Express yourself. Go, hey,
I would like this. I need this. You
then do, you know, you're abiding by whatever
decision that your dom makes.
But I think for the kind of relationship
to
maintain trust between you for open communication,
doms need to be prepared to explain.
Even if that's not what you normally do
in your power exchange. Because if you've got
a partner coming to you and saying, I
I would like this or I need this,
and you're not providing
Mhmm. Ever or rarely or whatever,
To me, they are owed a reason why.
Yeah. And
you know, I think it's very easy both
sides of the slash will do this to
avoid hard conversations. You don't want to disappoint
your partner. You think they might not accept
your reason.
You kind of can't even fully explain yourself.
Mhmm. Me personally,
I'd rather hear you go, I can't fully
explain it. I I haven't wrapped my mind
around it, but there's something preventing me. It
is me, not you. That I would still
want to know more. I would be dying
of curiosity.
I would also want to problem solve with
you. But you wanna know what I would
also know?
It's not me, and maybe we can, you
know That is information too. I don't know
why I feel this way. I don't know
why I'm not doing this. Quite frankly, it's
probably because there's something about it that doesn't
feel right for you. Maybe it's a thing
you should not have negotiated. Maybe it's not
a thing you wanna have control over. Maybe
it's not a thing you wanna do at
all.
But
I think,
you know, I would me, I feel would
feel like I'm owed at least that.
Help me understand why you are not
doing the thing that you have said you're
willing to do
consistently. A one off, that's you being the
dummy. You're making a decision. We just Yeah.
Submissives, part of submission, depending on what you've
negotiated, is being told no.
Right. To me, the hardest part of being
a submissive
was
accepting that and accepting that I could tell
you, hey daddy I want this kind of
spanking tonight and I might not get that
kind of spanking. Right? I might not get
a spanking at all.
Something entirely different might happen. Right?
And that, you know, that can be that
can be a little weird
to experience for the the first time.
But if you are a person who wants
submissive person, who wants only what you want,
the way you want it, when you want
it,
honey, you're probably a bottom.
Because
submission is you are submitting to somebody else's
will to the extent that you've negotiated. You
don't have to negotiate away all of your
control and power and whatever. But whatever you
said,
yes, dumb, you can be in charge of
that.
That means they're in charge of that until
you're like, no. I don't want you to
be in charge of that anymore. You know
what I mean? And that means they're gonna
tell you no. Yeah. But you say no
too often? I mean,
now we need we need a conversation. True.
True. And I I think that the the
the dom that relies on because I said
so, like, they want to be and negotiated
this hopefully, and you just say no and
you expect your submissive to,
accept that. I
I think you gotta tread real fucking carefully
because there I know there are power exchange
relationships where that's kind of the vibe.
And that works until it doesn't. So
if you were that type of dumb, you
need to get real clear with yourself
that there will be times you will explain
yourself. Maybe not always. Maybe that's not like
a dynamic you have. But
when we're talking about,
you know, a submissive not feeling seen, not
feeling like their needs are being met, not
understanding
why this is always a no, but it's
still on the list of things that could
happen.
Why you said, Yeah, we'll do that thing,
and then you never initiate it.
Even when your partner is saying, Hey, I
would I would love to have this experience.
Alright?
You can't just hide behind no because I
said so for everything all of the time
and I just don't I there are two
there are exceptions to that and I just
think a dom like that needs to be
prepared for there to be exceptions to that
rule. Mhmm. I'm not saying every dom should,
you know, give a thirty minute lecture on
why you said no. I wouldn't want that.
I'd be bored after minute five. But there
are times where you should be able to
explain yourself. And I think your submissive has
every right to want more than just the
because I said so,
even if that's what you normally do.
That's that's my lecture
on that.
I, you know, it's nuanced.
It's, you know. It is. There's no single
right way to do any of it.
It's all communication.
Yes.
And yes, sometimes you just get told no
or you don't get the thing. That's why
I'm first of all, I don't think it's
a good idea
to set a rule
or a mandatory we will do this physical
thing this many times when we got sex,
kink scene, doesn't matter. Simply because real life
will fuck you up. Okay?
Yeah.
But
you can have a goal of that. You
can have a this would be great. This
is what we're striving towards.
And, you know,
if it doesn't happen,
have a conversation maybe about why that might
be. I think sometimes it'll be obvious to
both of you. Oh, somebody was sickening in
the hospital. Clearly,
I was not getting my ass beat twice
this week or whatever it is. Right? Like,
sometimes it's obvious. But
I
think if you have never had the conversation
in the negotiation of your power exchange over
what kind of authority the dom has and
when they will say be the decider of
a thing and how that will work.
Have that conversation before you're like, what do
you mean you said no? We've never you
know what I mean?
Why? Why?
That that level of authority is a huge
responsibility, but it's a huge
That that level of authority is a huge
responsibility, but it is a huge privilege. Yeah.
And Yeah. You know, when you're careful with
it, when you're
conscientious about it, I think you'll do good
more often than you'll fuck up.
But you'll fuck up, Dom's. It will happen.
You won't mean to necessarily, but
you'll get busy or you'll have you'll be
in your own head about shit or, you
know,
your sub won't be explicit. You're gonna make
you're gonna fuck up because you're human. Right.
But
just saying.
So, yeah. That's I probably could keep going.
I'll just as I'll be repeating myself.
Is there maybe other ways to look at
this, you know, part of dominance? Of course
there is.
Feel free Mhmm. To comment or
whatever. However we are connected and you want
to share
a
a perspective
that we didn't consider here.
But,
yeah. Doms get to say no, but it
is a it's a it's a power that
has to be wielded properly. Mhmm.
That's true.
So That's true. Let me double check my
notes to make sure I didn't forget anything.
Yeah. I think we got it. Okay.
Alright. So,
are we good?
I don't know.
That's not for me to know.
Keep it kinky y'all. And we'll see you
next week.
Dottie.
Yes, baby girl. Can we talk to the
crickets? Sure. Okay. What do you wanna talk
about?
I got nothing.
You were your boy band, Mike. I saw
I saw the live chat. Yeah. I thought
you could be a member of boy band.
I know. I know. When we were testing
it last night on live and he was
wearing it, I was thinking I knew he
looked like something, and I could not, and
it was yeah. Well, you know, I I
had mentioned this last night too.
When I was watching
the videos
that the company had for setting all this
up and hooking everything up, they called this
the Madonna mic.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I couldn't remember what I
knew you called the Madonna mic, but I
couldn't remember the context. Yep.
So
Well, apparently, she was out on stage with
Sabrina Carpenter rocking like a purple corset. So
Really?
You know, get your Madonna on. I'm, you
know,
put the kilt on.
I bet you might be able to wear
that kilt again. You know, I was thinking
about that today. I I I need to,
try it and see where I'm at with
that.
I will be an embarrassment, but in, like,
the most chaotic way if you can wear
that damn kilt again. I know. I don't
think you'll want to take me out in
public, but, you know,
I will not behave myself.
Well, you know, I meant I meant I
meant to tell you,
I went I went to that that little
munch Mhmm. Last month. There was, someone there
wearing a kilt.
Did they look sexy as well?
You know, I do feel like
just wearing the kilt no matter what
what a person looks like,
their body type, their whatever.
I think whatever you look like, whatever level
of attractiveness somebody perceives you to be, you
put the kilt on times times by 10,
whatever it is. Automatically,
none of the rest matters. Just, you know,
let me look at your knees, apparently. I
don't know.
I don't know. You rock that fucking kilt.
You still have the black boots. Right? Mhmm.
You still have the black boots. Boots. Right?
Yeah. They they need to
be cleaned up.
They're I'm just saying I might have a
lot more needs that need to be seen
to.
Okay?
Just saying.
But, yeah. I I do need to,
to give it a to give it a
try and see. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Mhmm. Oh.
Just saying.
Maybe we don't need,
dollars for demos on a Friday night livestream.
Maybe we need
I don't know somebody be creative with words,
but it's you in a kilt on camera.
I'm just saying.
I'm just saying. Well, I did say if
I you know, once I get back into
it, I would wear it on the stream
one day. So
I know. Maybe That's still that's still open.
Maybe what we do is for every,
Super Chat, you raise it up another little
inch above it. You know? See how high
we can go.
You will have to wear something underneath it
if we do that. I would like to
still have a YouTube channel. Yeah. Really?
But we've already established I will
sell some version of you to whomever has
willing to pay. So Yeah. You take Tayce,
you said find a good boot
black. Coins for kilt. Coins for kilt.
Thank you, kitty. Coins for kilt.
I am dangerous with this little pack that
Yeah. You I know. Make me nervous grabbing
it like that. Well,
I walked away and I'm like, Lola out
earlier. I was like, because I forgot it
existed.
That's why you got a clip back. I
tried and then I couldn't sit comfortably.
So
I don't know if I'm if I'm made
for this lavalier mic life. That's all I
say.
I'm I'm liking it.
I'm sure everybody who can now hear you
no matter which way you move your head
is liking it too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
And that that's why that's another reason why
I
am sticking with this. When I tried the
Lavalier, I moved too much. Yeah. You do.
I I mean, I'm a mover. We know
that. I'm too, like
Yeah. But your voice you got a voice
that carries.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We established that, during the
test day before we record we're doing this
Yeah. On Tuesday.
But I think y'all already knew that. There
was no place before the old mic. There
was no place you couldn't could put that
mic. You could not pick up my voice.
Yeah.
Hell, I noticed when, we were doing
the test or whatever Mhmm. And I was
we were trying to talk into the
mics to test to make sure we were
being picked up. I had forgotten to turn
this damn thing on, but You were bleeding
into my mic. Exactly.
Yep.
Don't you worry. Worry. I'll make
sure
I'm
heard.
Oh, there's an there's an idea, Tasey. It
said find a, fitness armband
for them.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Oh, Andre asks if your mic box is
still dead or has the display started working?
No. You didn't get a chance to call?
No. Yeah. No. That's gonna be a I
have to do it tomorrow.
Yeah. This day kinda got away from us
a little bit. I I was just
happy to have my sander back today.
I was so happy the little things the
little things. This is DeWalt sander. My DeWalt
sander which is my
my premier sander it's it's the best sander
of the three that I have. And yes,
he does have three. Yeah.
The Harbor Freight, well that's
for
extreme backups.
But, anyway the DeWalt because I do use
it so much. One, I wore out the
Velcro on the bottom pad
and I did get the part to replace
that.
And then, after
I started,
I got that and replaced that,
Turning it on would
surge and come to surge and
and,
come to find out that when I opened
it up
Mhmm. The
brushes
in the motor were
worn down to nubs,
so I ordered
some new brushes for it.
Four and a half weeks later,
still waiting
for said
for us just to arrive. Mhmm.
And it was the, restaurant rule.
If you don't know the restaurant rule, if
you're waiting on your food, if one of
you gets up and goes to the bathroom,
invariably your food will arrive. So if you
feel like you've been waiting for a while,
one of you just try to go bathroom?
Mhmm. That's that's what we call the restaurant
rule. Yep. Okay. Go ahead. Restaurant rule. So,
you know,
I had been telling her I'm I'm really
frustrated because, you know, while the the harbor
freight thing is
a okay for backup, it's not Right. Right?
It's not by DeWalt. Not DeWalt. And the
other one, the the other one, it's a
little palm sander.
And,
I was like,
I I think I would really like to
get
another
sander. You're right. I'm tired of waiting. Tired
of tired of waiting. This You know? Yeah.
And,
you finally gave me
the go ahead. Mhmm.
What was it? Monday? Tuesday. Tuesday Tuesday morning.
Because Monday, you came in with a wild
look on your face, covered in sawdust Oh,
yeah. Going,
I can't handle this.
I think I'm gonna go get another DeWalt.
And I was like, look. Yeah. Our deposits
come in on Tuesday. Can you just wait
till Tuesday? We'll talk about it Tuesday. And
I thought I was, like,
hoping that they would call on Monday. I
mean, we we needed to wait till Tuesday,
but I was also thinking maybe they'll call
today.
So, she, you know, she comes out
to the shop On Tuesday. On Tuesday morning
and says, you know, go ahead and and
and do it.
And, I was almost tempted to run right
off then.
And, I'm like, no, let me, you know,
I'll I'll go
later this afternoon.
So, she leaves the shop and I go
back and my phone rings.
The part was in.
Restaurant rules.
Yep. I told him I was like, if
you had gone out and gotten it and
then gotten a call, that would have gone
back. Returned it. Yeah. Could have returned. That's
a $100, Xander. Yeah.
That's why we tried to fix this so
you didn't have to buy another $100, Xander.
But I mean,
$29
for a pair of brushes
compared to
99 plus for a new one. Right. Yeah.
And that 99, we're not even sure if
that's what they're selling it for right now.
Right now anymore. Right. Yeah. And,
you know, you use that sander for all
kinds of things, but we're in the middle
of a major paddle restocking
to have a sander that worked right. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yep.
I did. How many
how many paddles did I hand off to
you this morning? Well, this morning, that was
thirteen, fourteen.
Yeah. And yesterday it was, to him I'm
looking at him over there, 10.
And I'm gonna hand you Those those 10
Mhmm. Took me all day. Yeah. Which they
shouldn't have because of the sander problem. Because
of the sander. The
like an hour and a half. Mhmm. And
I had that big stack and I was
like here. Yep. And I'm gonna hand you
16 thick sticks in
a day or so. Bring it. I know.
And I'll get them very quickly. So,
yeah, it was
it was no good for you to not
have that sander. No. That but that you
know, when you showed me, like, the new
replacement part versus the one you're replacing Yeah.
They're worn down,
like, almost to, like, a nub, you know?
Yeah. So it clearly is well used. Mhmm.
Oh, yeah. But now you also, like,
know where you can go for parts Parts
and stuff. Right. If a thing can be
replaced or whatever. Correct.
Across from the
transphobic,
hardware store that I will never walk in
again. Right.
And then I don't know that the whole
place is. I just know that that one
guy was. That particular person. Yeah. Fucker.
So
I know.
Anyway.
So,
but, yeah. It's been it's
Yeah. Yeah. Mostly just working. Mhmm. You got
some, like, sinus thing going on. Oh, that's
the spring
sinus
crap. Did the meds I get for you
or do you feel any difference? Are they
doing something? Okay. Good. Yeah. Especially the, the
Flonase helped a lot. Yeah. Because the
the question JB has to ask himself every
time he gets the sinus crud is,
is this a sinus infection or are my
allergies trying to kill me? Right. So, I
was like, here's some Flonase
and some Sudafed.
Yeah.
So, you know, between
the,
trees all doing their thing here
and all the fur babies shedding their
winter coats. Yeah.
Yeah. I I try to brush them
best I can, but Yeah. Can't keep up
with it. So I made this joke. It's
not really it's not really funny.
So Ella is just,
like it's all it looks like puffs of
smoke, but it's like her fur is just
flying off of her. Look at her cross
eyed and more fur comes off. Yeah.
Onyx apparently is licking all of hers off
off because I've been cleaning up more hairballs.
Yeah. Great. This is great. Thanks, Onyx. And
Onyx is the one I
try to brush
the most because of that.
Mhmm. Yeah. No. Yeah.
And poor,
Lola,
you pet her just a little bit. Yeah.
And you come up with short haired dog,
I cannot imagine. Yeah. Those of y'all who
have long haired dogs, double coat dye, cannot
imagine.
I'll keep my short haired dog. Mhmm.
Mhmm.
Yeah. So there, you know, there's there's all
that. So, yeah, there
my allergies kick in and if I don't
catch the allergy quick enough then it does
become a sinus infection. Yeah.
And that's misery.
Yeah. I mean,
you've had it bad enough. They had to
give you a shot in the butt at
least a couple of times. Yeah. We try
not to let it get to that point
if we can help it. No. That's no
brainer. I'm just I I am just grateful
for things like TeleMed nowadays.
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You've had a couple of
sinus infections.
We use,
Florida Blue Cross Blue Shield. Mhmm.
And I'm sure other this is a thing
all insurance can come back to, but they
have a telemed service. They don't you don't
pay a co pay if you use theirs.
Right. And,
yeah. We've done that. There's been a couple
of times, like, six, seven in the morning.
You're on the phone with somebody, and you're
like, oh, I'm miserable.
Yeah.
Yep.
Yes. Indeed.
Yeah.
But I sort of gauge how bad are
you feeling based on where are you in
time
and space. If it's a work day and
the sun is out, but you were, like,
at the computer
playing Terraria,
I know he feels like shit because he's
not working. The,
the other
indicator is when I get really bad with
sinus pain, I don't even want my coffee
in the morning. Yeah. You want nothing. Nothing.
And you are
a growly,
growly, grumpy polar bear. Without the coffee.
Oh, and with the sinus affection. Yeah. Some
people get real quiet and keep to themselves.
And Jamie's like, let me tell you all
the things I hate right now.
Like,
would you like to take a nap? Can
I can I get you some medicine that
makes you sleepy? Simon said, do you remember
how bad my eye was last year? Oh,
yeah. You had,
something close to that not as bad as
last spring, but
a few weeks ago. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
With allergens
or mystery woods or Yeah.
Yeah.
Yep.
Mhmm. And you're just a hot mess when
there's allergens in the air.
Yeah.
Mhmm.
And that's all we have to say about
JB's sinuses.
Riveting stuff. Right?
No. I
just the wood glue. That's my my whole
thing right now is wood glue. I have
oh my gosh.
FedEx guy came by Monday,
and,
I'm out. I'm in the garage. I'm gluing
up wooden knives.
I'm covered in glue. I have my noise
canceling,
headphones on, not because I'm trying to cancel
noise. I'm trying to listen to my podcast
and only my podcast. And most people see
them because they're like the kind you would
see on a job site. This kind of,
like, headphones. And most people know that means
I can't hear you. I don't wanna talk
to you. FedEx guy did not give a
fuck.
So I had to take off my headphones
and remember to be a polite human,
took a little package, and he was like,
what are what are you is that a
frame? And I was like, what angle are
you seeing? These are these are knives. And
I was like, no. It's a wooden knife.
Oh, that's cool. Can I get one?
I just looked at them. Like, I don't
even know what I'm supposed to say in
response, but I guess my face said it
for me. He went, you have a good
day. I was just joking. Like, yeah. You
better be just joking.
It's not even finished. What the fuck would
you do with it?
It's dripping glue, my friend.
Yeah. I don't
our FedEx guys are nice. It was not
it was not our FedEx guy who comes
late at night. Ah. It's not our evening
FedEx guy. Alright. It was another FedEx guy
that I do recognize, but he doesn't come
as often. Maybe because we don't
we don't usually have deliveries
usually have night time. They're they're usually after
four or 05:00. Yeah. Yeah.
Yep. That is true. Mhmm.
That is very true. And you know what?
I just remembered talking about the garage. I
had there's a,
handle pour in the car. Oh, wow! I
need to get those out of the pressure
pot.
I don't know what I'll be doing when
I
finish here.
Yeah, because I should probably drill holes in
them for you. Yeah. So you can turn
them into diabolical stick candles. Mhmm. Yep. Mhmm.
Mhmm. Yeah.
I think the energy just
bottomed out
between us. Yeah.
I just keep staring at you when no
words come out. No, mine. It's gotta be
great for folks on the other side.
Well, here at least we're we're getting close
to,
time to feed the fur babies. Mhmm.
And then, feed us.
Mhmm.
Yep.
So, I guess, are we?
We are beyond done. We could have been
done ten minutes ago. Probably.
We just
I don't know.
But then Sunday, we have game night. We
do. Mhmm. If you're
a member of our Patreon, you are invited
to game night. Mhmm. I'm gonna try something
a little bit different
this time.
I'm afraid. I'm gonna sit in the other
room on the other computer.
We're not gonna be in the same room.
But, then you won't bleed over into my
mic and Well, maybe I like bleeding over
into your mic. It's a special thing we
share.
It's fine. Whatever you want to do.
Whatever you want to do. You're the daddy.
So I wanna ask if it's too hot
for 3PM yet. It is getting there. Today
is very mild. Today, but we've been overcast.
So Yeah. That that has helped. But,
yeah. We're we're starting to get there, and
we do need to sit down and talk
about that. I know. I forgot to
do that last week after I said we
needed to do that last night. I know.
I forgot about it too until
today I remembered and then yeah. So we
do need to talk about that. Mhmm. Yeah.
So alright. Yep. We, time's sake blind.
Yes. I'm sure this has been fascinating for
everybody. Look. Look. If we're just background noise
for you while you do other things, that's
cool. That's wonderful. Whatever whatever we can do
Mhmm. To help.
Especially if we're not gonna be entertaining. Oh
my god. We should at least be helpful.
Lord.
So yeah. Thank god for being here. Yeah.
Especially to the bitter end. Mhmm. Especially through
whatever the hell the last ten minutes has
been. I don't know.
And we will hopefully see you in the
next one. Uh-huh. Okay. Bye. Bye.