1 00:00:10,480 --> 00:00:13,039 You're listening to the Loving BDSM podcast episode 2 00:00:13,039 --> 00:00:15,095 four seventy nine. Kayla Lourdes here with the 3 00:00:15,095 --> 00:00:16,614 one, the only, the guy who got sick 4 00:00:16,614 --> 00:00:18,934 twice with unusual symptoms that don't not a 5 00:00:18,934 --> 00:00:20,535 cold, and then just gave me a really 6 00:00:20,535 --> 00:00:21,734 weird count in. So I was like, do 7 00:00:21,734 --> 00:00:23,175 you want me to talk? I don't know. 8 00:00:23,175 --> 00:00:24,954 Very confusing. John Brownstone. 9 00:00:26,695 --> 00:00:28,074 Okay. She said submissively. 10 00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:36,799 Sure. Yeah. You're here. Yeah. Very grateful for 11 00:00:36,799 --> 00:00:39,439 that. Me too. I'm sure we'll without going 12 00:00:39,439 --> 00:00:41,835 into details because, you know, personal medical records. 13 00:00:42,715 --> 00:00:43,835 I'm sure we'll talk about it later. Sure. 14 00:00:43,835 --> 00:00:45,434 Right. But that's not what we're doing today. 15 00:00:45,434 --> 00:00:45,934 No. 16 00:00:46,715 --> 00:00:48,475 Did I set this entire episode up just 17 00:00:48,475 --> 00:00:49,835 so I can bitch for, like, an hour 18 00:00:49,835 --> 00:00:51,674 to an hour and a half? Yes. I 19 00:00:51,674 --> 00:00:54,074 did. Yes. I did. Because this week, we're 20 00:00:54,074 --> 00:00:56,549 gonna talk about kinky pet peeves. Oh. I'm 21 00:00:56,549 --> 00:00:58,549 gonna share a couple that had me just 22 00:00:58,549 --> 00:00:59,989 ready to rip my hair out a couple 23 00:00:59,989 --> 00:01:02,710 weeks ago. Mhmm. And then some folks actually 24 00:01:02,710 --> 00:01:04,549 read the email newsletter. Thanks, y'all. 25 00:01:04,950 --> 00:01:06,810 And emailed with their own, 26 00:01:07,465 --> 00:01:09,144 Kinky Pet Peas, and we will react to 27 00:01:09,144 --> 00:01:11,625 those. Okay. Yeah. Alright. So an hour hour 28 00:01:11,625 --> 00:01:12,984 to an hour and a half of just 29 00:01:12,984 --> 00:01:14,825 complaining. Sounds cool to me. I know. I'm 30 00:01:14,825 --> 00:01:15,325 excited. 31 00:01:16,185 --> 00:01:18,265 Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this 32 00:01:18,265 --> 00:01:19,704 is your first time listening, glad to have 33 00:01:19,704 --> 00:01:21,224 you. If you're back for another week, welcome 34 00:01:21,224 --> 00:01:24,450 back. Loving BDSM is produced every Friday, and 35 00:01:24,450 --> 00:01:26,930 show notes are found at lovingbdsm.net. 36 00:01:26,930 --> 00:01:28,370 Come back often and feel free to add 37 00:01:28,370 --> 00:01:31,189 the podcast to your favorite podcast app. Also, 38 00:01:31,250 --> 00:01:33,329 if your podcast app lets you, 39 00:01:34,129 --> 00:01:36,209 actually leave a rating or review and do 40 00:01:36,209 --> 00:01:38,924 you enjoy this, We would love a positive 41 00:01:39,465 --> 00:01:40,685 rating or review. 42 00:01:41,305 --> 00:01:43,724 It really does help other kinksters find us. 43 00:01:44,905 --> 00:01:46,504 Come back often and nope. I already said 44 00:01:46,504 --> 00:01:48,844 that. How do scripts work? I don't know. 45 00:01:50,265 --> 00:01:52,329 I'm also watching JB because somehow 46 00:01:52,709 --> 00:01:54,310 I'm not able to talk loud enough, but 47 00:01:54,310 --> 00:01:55,290 we'll keep going. 48 00:01:56,230 --> 00:01:57,989 You can follow the show on FetLife at 49 00:01:57,989 --> 00:02:01,530 loving BDSM PC, on Instagram and technically threads 50 00:02:01,590 --> 00:02:03,989 at loving d s and the number one. 51 00:02:03,989 --> 00:02:06,215 It's at loving d s one. Yes. The 52 00:02:06,215 --> 00:02:08,775 handle I will forever fucking hate. On Blue 53 00:02:08,775 --> 00:02:09,995 Sky at loving BDSM 54 00:02:10,294 --> 00:02:13,275 or on YouTube at youtube.com/lovingbdsm 55 00:02:13,335 --> 00:02:14,534 where you can watch us live, stream the 56 00:02:14,534 --> 00:02:16,615 podcast every Wednesday. All links are in the 57 00:02:16,615 --> 00:02:17,275 show notes. 58 00:02:18,375 --> 00:02:19,275 There we go. 59 00:02:20,590 --> 00:02:21,569 No. What happened 60 00:02:22,030 --> 00:02:24,669 there? Oh my gosh. Everything is a hot 61 00:02:24,669 --> 00:02:26,530 mess express today. Yeah. It is. 62 00:02:26,909 --> 00:02:28,989 Nothing seems to be working right. Mm-mm. Nothing 63 00:02:28,989 --> 00:02:31,229 wants to play nice. No. I hope whatever 64 00:02:31,229 --> 00:02:32,509 you had to do so that we didn't 65 00:02:32,509 --> 00:02:34,769 sound like we were echoey, did not compromise 66 00:02:36,715 --> 00:02:37,215 podcast 67 00:02:37,594 --> 00:02:39,008 audio. Hope not not not not not not 68 00:02:39,008 --> 00:02:40,170 not not not not not not not not 69 00:02:40,170 --> 00:02:42,235 not. God. Hey. We have one of those 70 00:02:42,235 --> 00:02:43,514 days where you're like, maybe I should just 71 00:02:43,514 --> 00:02:45,115 go back to bed. We'll try this again 72 00:02:45,115 --> 00:02:46,735 tomorrow. I'm okay with that. 73 00:02:50,010 --> 00:02:50,590 But so, 74 00:02:51,770 --> 00:02:52,990 before we get into, 75 00:02:54,250 --> 00:02:56,490 this week's episode, a couple of things. 76 00:02:56,889 --> 00:02:58,330 Actually, yeah. More than a couple of things. 77 00:02:58,330 --> 00:03:00,330 Where were we last week? JB got sick. 78 00:03:00,330 --> 00:03:01,454 And then he got better and then he 79 00:03:01,454 --> 00:03:03,394 got sick again. Mhmm. We're we're here. 80 00:03:04,174 --> 00:03:06,414 You feeling better? Yeah. Okay. That's all that 81 00:03:06,414 --> 00:03:07,215 matters. Oh, then I'm 82 00:03:08,014 --> 00:03:09,694 Well, you're hot and sweaty because you're just 83 00:03:09,694 --> 00:03:12,995 having to fix sound quality on live stream. 84 00:03:14,254 --> 00:03:16,439 Not at the privacy. On the fly. Not 85 00:03:16,520 --> 00:03:19,000 the privacy of our own office with nobody 86 00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:19,500 watching. 87 00:03:20,439 --> 00:03:23,180 We had, like, a dozen people watching. 88 00:03:23,560 --> 00:03:24,060 Mhmm. 89 00:03:24,439 --> 00:03:24,939 Impression. 90 00:03:26,439 --> 00:03:27,580 The next thing, 91 00:03:28,919 --> 00:03:30,875 I'm sorry, YouTube. I could not link to 92 00:03:30,875 --> 00:03:33,754 this in the description box. It's linked in 93 00:03:33,754 --> 00:03:35,215 our link tree if you're interested. 94 00:03:35,915 --> 00:03:38,715 The Cage, which is a kinky community, they've 95 00:03:38,715 --> 00:03:40,575 got a bunch of stuff. They've got forums. 96 00:03:40,715 --> 00:03:43,290 They've got, like, they do people do blogs, 97 00:03:43,290 --> 00:03:44,270 all kinds of stuff. 98 00:03:44,969 --> 00:03:47,469 Now has a podcast feed 99 00:03:47,930 --> 00:03:50,730 where a bunch of kinky podcasts that they 100 00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:52,490 have sort of found and they know about 101 00:03:52,650 --> 00:03:55,050 They're curating it. They've put in one page. 102 00:03:55,050 --> 00:03:57,745 So for everybody who is like, hey. Wait. 103 00:03:57,745 --> 00:03:59,924 Where can I find more kinky podcasts? 104 00:04:00,944 --> 00:04:02,544 At the cage. The cage. I let me 105 00:04:02,544 --> 00:04:04,465 see. Let me for podcast folks, it's the 106 00:04:04,625 --> 00:04:06,704 not podcast folks. Podcast folks, it's linked in 107 00:04:06,704 --> 00:04:12,469 the show notes. For YouTube folks, it's thecage.co,coco./podcasts 108 00:04:12,689 --> 00:04:13,989 with an s on the end, 109 00:04:14,289 --> 00:04:15,830 or the link is in our Linktree. 110 00:04:16,529 --> 00:04:18,229 After YouTube has, like, 111 00:04:18,529 --> 00:04:21,169 dicked around and fucked around and put me 112 00:04:21,169 --> 00:04:22,769 in the corner one too many times, I'm 113 00:04:22,769 --> 00:04:25,089 terrified about what I can actually link to. 114 00:04:25,089 --> 00:04:27,115 I know. Lola sounds like she would like 115 00:04:27,115 --> 00:04:28,654 to come back in. K. 116 00:04:29,355 --> 00:04:33,435 Friday night, this Friday April, 117 00:04:33,435 --> 00:04:34,975 I think that's how dates were, 118 00:04:35,595 --> 00:04:37,935 is supposed to be our Friday night livestream. 119 00:04:38,475 --> 00:04:40,470 I say supposed to because I don't trust 120 00:04:40,470 --> 00:04:41,449 YouTube anymore. 121 00:04:41,910 --> 00:04:43,769 We plan on being there, 122 00:04:44,629 --> 00:04:45,129 but 123 00:04:46,949 --> 00:04:49,449 will YouTube let us? I don't know. 124 00:04:49,910 --> 00:04:50,410 So 125 00:04:53,055 --> 00:04:55,395 Friday, April 17, 8PM 126 00:04:55,615 --> 00:04:56,115 eastern. 127 00:04:57,055 --> 00:04:59,074 We're here till 10PM eastern, 128 00:04:59,535 --> 00:05:00,035 assuming 129 00:05:00,335 --> 00:05:02,254 we get to stream at all. I don't 130 00:05:02,254 --> 00:05:03,074 trust YouTube, 131 00:05:03,694 --> 00:05:05,819 even though I'm being much more careful than 132 00:05:05,819 --> 00:05:06,719 I used to be. 133 00:05:07,419 --> 00:05:07,919 So 134 00:05:08,300 --> 00:05:11,039 those are the things. Okay. You were sick. 135 00:05:11,180 --> 00:05:13,519 Yep. The cage.co/podcast. 136 00:05:13,659 --> 00:05:15,759 Yep. Friday night livestream. Yep. 137 00:05:16,860 --> 00:05:18,479 Woo. All the above. Okay. 138 00:05:19,979 --> 00:05:20,479 So, 139 00:05:21,644 --> 00:05:22,704 oh, there's Ella. 140 00:05:23,084 --> 00:05:23,584 Yeah. 141 00:05:24,925 --> 00:05:25,425 Okay. 142 00:05:27,004 --> 00:05:29,504 Now let's get into some pet peeves. Okay. 143 00:05:29,564 --> 00:05:31,644 The first two are mine because I really 144 00:05:31,644 --> 00:05:33,584 did need an outlet to complain 145 00:05:34,285 --> 00:05:36,079 about this. Oh my god. So the first 146 00:05:36,079 --> 00:05:39,279 one is not one I see in kink 147 00:05:39,279 --> 00:05:42,019 spaces a lot. I do see it, 148 00:05:43,039 --> 00:05:45,839 with people who are trying to talk about 149 00:05:45,839 --> 00:05:48,079 BDSM and kink. I am actually seeing it 150 00:05:48,079 --> 00:05:51,545 more on the romance reader side of, the 151 00:05:51,545 --> 00:05:52,045 algorithm. 152 00:05:52,585 --> 00:05:53,085 Okay. 153 00:05:53,545 --> 00:05:54,285 And it 154 00:05:54,585 --> 00:05:56,125 is treating BDSM, 155 00:05:56,824 --> 00:05:58,444 like the whole umbrella BDSM, 156 00:05:58,905 --> 00:06:01,645 as if it is somehow separate from kink. 157 00:06:02,105 --> 00:06:04,824 So one of the examples I saw that 158 00:06:04,824 --> 00:06:05,965 made me twitch 159 00:06:07,810 --> 00:06:10,449 Clenched my jaw, I twitch. I think my 160 00:06:10,449 --> 00:06:12,610 eyebrow might have, like, gotten a spasm. I 161 00:06:12,610 --> 00:06:14,709 don't know. They were going through 162 00:06:15,089 --> 00:06:16,689 kinks that are in some of these books, 163 00:06:16,689 --> 00:06:18,050 like the tropes or the kinks you can 164 00:06:18,050 --> 00:06:19,970 find. If you're into reading this kink, read 165 00:06:19,970 --> 00:06:21,764 these books. Right? So we had things that 166 00:06:21,764 --> 00:06:24,404 were legitimate kinks. We had breeding kink. We 167 00:06:24,404 --> 00:06:24,904 had 168 00:06:25,444 --> 00:06:26,884 hair pulling. We had and I was like, 169 00:06:26,884 --> 00:06:28,404 oh, I'll be like, okay. Yeah. I guess. 170 00:06:28,404 --> 00:06:30,644 Sure. Like, okay. We can do it. And 171 00:06:30,644 --> 00:06:32,964 then and then we got to if you 172 00:06:32,964 --> 00:06:33,865 have a BDSM 173 00:06:34,324 --> 00:06:34,644 kink 174 00:06:35,539 --> 00:06:37,240 and I was like a what now? 175 00:06:38,500 --> 00:06:40,339 A a what now? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You 176 00:06:40,339 --> 00:06:41,479 should yeah. BDSM 177 00:06:41,860 --> 00:06:42,360 kink? 178 00:06:43,300 --> 00:06:43,800 What? 179 00:06:45,139 --> 00:06:47,060 So for anybody who's like, yeah. That sounds 180 00:06:47,060 --> 00:06:48,579 right. Look. We can all we all get 181 00:06:48,579 --> 00:06:50,115 to think what we wanna think about these 182 00:06:50,115 --> 00:06:52,055 things. I'm gonna tell you how I 183 00:06:53,154 --> 00:06:54,595 Yeah. You would View it. You would actually 184 00:06:54,595 --> 00:06:56,634 sent me that and, when I watched it, 185 00:06:56,634 --> 00:06:58,435 I kinda just I I kinda did yeah. 186 00:06:58,435 --> 00:07:00,435 Did a double take of like, what'd they 187 00:07:00,435 --> 00:07:02,995 say? No. So if for anybody who's like, 188 00:07:02,995 --> 00:07:05,759 okay. But how do you aren't they separate? 189 00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:08,159 I don't think so. To me, kink is 190 00:07:08,159 --> 00:07:12,319 the umbrella term that encompasses both BDSM and 191 00:07:12,319 --> 00:07:12,819 fetish. 192 00:07:13,519 --> 00:07:16,800 Fetish is things that are within BDSM can 193 00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:19,064 be fetishes, but literally anything on the planet 194 00:07:19,064 --> 00:07:21,225 can be a fetish. A fetish is something 195 00:07:21,225 --> 00:07:22,125 that is either 196 00:07:22,425 --> 00:07:25,085 the item, the act, the whatever is sexually 197 00:07:25,145 --> 00:07:26,285 arousing for somebody 198 00:07:26,585 --> 00:07:28,205 or it is needed 199 00:07:28,585 --> 00:07:30,504 to be present or part of a sexual 200 00:07:30,504 --> 00:07:32,449 experience for that person to 201 00:07:32,750 --> 00:07:34,209 be aroused, have an orgasm, 202 00:07:34,669 --> 00:07:36,449 want to do the thing at all. Okay? 203 00:07:37,149 --> 00:07:40,110 That is a very very simplified definition of 204 00:07:40,110 --> 00:07:43,069 fetish. There is nuance. There's a whole I 205 00:07:43,069 --> 00:07:44,535 think we may have done an episode ages 206 00:07:44,835 --> 00:07:46,855 ago where we talked about what's the difference. 207 00:07:47,154 --> 00:07:47,654 BDSM 208 00:07:48,194 --> 00:07:48,694 is 209 00:07:49,714 --> 00:07:52,275 a huge umbrella term on its own. Bondage, 210 00:07:52,275 --> 00:07:54,775 discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, masochism, 211 00:07:55,154 --> 00:07:57,415 and a lot of shit falls within BDSM. 212 00:07:57,714 --> 00:08:00,509 Yeah. To me, kink is the 213 00:08:00,810 --> 00:08:03,310 complete like, I just wanna be I'm simplifying 214 00:08:03,529 --> 00:08:06,250 both of those things down. Fine. Kink. Mhmm. 215 00:08:06,250 --> 00:08:08,269 But BDSM is not a kink. 216 00:08:09,209 --> 00:08:11,209 No. Not in in and of itself. No. 217 00:08:11,209 --> 00:08:13,689 Like, what? Like, what? Yeah. I was very 218 00:08:13,689 --> 00:08:15,194 annoyed by that. I'm 219 00:08:15,995 --> 00:08:17,675 sure that the folks who would be watching 220 00:08:17,675 --> 00:08:19,115 or listening to us would be like, yeah. 221 00:08:19,115 --> 00:08:20,975 I know. I'm just saying. 222 00:08:21,995 --> 00:08:23,915 I'm just saying. It and it was not 223 00:08:23,915 --> 00:08:25,595 the only time I saw that. It was 224 00:08:25,595 --> 00:08:27,194 just, like, the one that stuck in my 225 00:08:27,194 --> 00:08:30,250 mind. I just saw different people talking about 226 00:08:30,709 --> 00:08:31,209 BDSM, 227 00:08:32,070 --> 00:08:33,990 and and they treated it like it was 228 00:08:33,990 --> 00:08:36,149 somehow something separate from being kinky. I know 229 00:08:36,149 --> 00:08:37,830 what it was. I read an article or 230 00:08:37,830 --> 00:08:39,190 I read a blog post. I read a 231 00:08:39,190 --> 00:08:41,054 caption. I read some words. I know I 232 00:08:41,054 --> 00:08:43,855 read it. And somebody said, well, you can 233 00:08:43,855 --> 00:08:44,834 be into BDSM 234 00:08:45,855 --> 00:08:47,615 and not be kinky. And I went, no 235 00:08:47,615 --> 00:08:48,754 the fuck you can't. 236 00:08:49,294 --> 00:08:51,934 Now you can consider yourself kinky and not 237 00:08:51,934 --> 00:08:52,529 consider yourself 238 00:09:00,610 --> 00:09:03,649 fetish. But if you were doing anything that 239 00:09:03,649 --> 00:09:07,455 could possibly come under the massive umbrella that 240 00:09:07,455 --> 00:09:08,115 is BDSM, 241 00:09:08,815 --> 00:09:10,035 honey, that's kinky. 242 00:09:10,495 --> 00:09:12,894 You're you don't have to call yourself that. 243 00:09:12,894 --> 00:09:14,815 You don't have to say you're into BDSM. 244 00:09:14,815 --> 00:09:16,254 You could just say you're kinky. You don't 245 00:09:16,254 --> 00:09:17,875 have to use labels or terminology 246 00:09:18,735 --> 00:09:20,975 at all. But let us not fucking pretend 247 00:09:20,975 --> 00:09:23,590 that they are two separate things that you 248 00:09:23,590 --> 00:09:24,090 can 249 00:09:24,470 --> 00:09:27,509 just say you're kinky, do the BDSM things, 250 00:09:27,509 --> 00:09:29,429 and not at least fucking admit that it's 251 00:09:29,429 --> 00:09:31,269 BDSM. Now I know why some people might 252 00:09:31,269 --> 00:09:33,110 not want to admit that it's BDSM. That 253 00:09:33,110 --> 00:09:34,629 is the big scary thing and you are 254 00:09:34,629 --> 00:09:35,129 somehow, 255 00:09:35,590 --> 00:09:37,750 you know, gonna go to hell for it 256 00:09:37,750 --> 00:09:40,365 or you're, you know, a pervert or you're 257 00:09:40,365 --> 00:09:43,324 whatever whatever. Like, whatever negative connotation somebody might 258 00:09:43,324 --> 00:09:45,985 think about BDSM. And so to say kinky 259 00:09:46,445 --> 00:09:48,065 is the safer term. 260 00:09:48,845 --> 00:09:52,144 But I'm a bitch who will, like, 261 00:09:52,605 --> 00:09:53,745 fight about semantics. 262 00:09:54,590 --> 00:09:56,509 And if we're gonna talk about this shit, 263 00:09:56,509 --> 00:09:59,009 let us at least be fucking accurate and 264 00:10:00,269 --> 00:10:00,669 honest. 265 00:10:01,230 --> 00:10:03,149 On a personal level, a person can choose 266 00:10:03,149 --> 00:10:04,669 to say, I'm just gonna say that I'm 267 00:10:04,669 --> 00:10:07,149 kinky. I'm not gonna, like, actually identify with 268 00:10:07,149 --> 00:10:09,465 the different things that will fall under BDSM. 269 00:10:09,705 --> 00:10:10,205 That's 270 00:10:10,665 --> 00:10:12,504 fair. But anybody who wants to talk to 271 00:10:12,504 --> 00:10:15,404 the world about BDSM and kink and fed, 272 00:10:15,465 --> 00:10:17,305 we are not going to pretend like they 273 00:10:17,305 --> 00:10:19,725 are somehow two separate fucking things. 274 00:10:20,184 --> 00:10:21,325 They are not. 275 00:10:21,865 --> 00:10:23,580 They are not. They are 276 00:10:24,460 --> 00:10:26,860 not. The VIN diagram is actually between BDSM 277 00:10:26,860 --> 00:10:29,100 and Fetish because there's crossover there. Mhmm. The 278 00:10:29,100 --> 00:10:31,899 whole fucking circle though is kink. It's all 279 00:10:31,899 --> 00:10:34,320 kink. It's all kink. It's all kink. 280 00:10:34,940 --> 00:10:36,379 It's like people who tell me that they're 281 00:10:36,379 --> 00:10:38,445 into spanking but they're not into BDSM. And 282 00:10:38,605 --> 00:10:40,524 as a lifestyle thing, I would agree with 283 00:10:40,524 --> 00:10:42,125 that. Yeah. You can be into spanking and 284 00:10:42,125 --> 00:10:44,764 not be into BDSM. But you are doing 285 00:10:44,764 --> 00:10:45,264 impact 286 00:10:46,205 --> 00:10:49,404 and you are doing sensation and you are 287 00:10:49,404 --> 00:10:50,865 possibly doing pain 288 00:10:51,485 --> 00:10:52,945 and you are probably doing 289 00:10:53,910 --> 00:10:55,638 dominance depending on how you feel about that 290 00:10:55,638 --> 00:10:57,990 spanking. And depending on where where you fall 291 00:10:57,990 --> 00:10:59,590 within what it is about the spanking that 292 00:10:59,590 --> 00:11:01,350 you're down for. I promise you it falls 293 00:11:01,350 --> 00:11:03,049 under the classification of BDSM 294 00:11:03,509 --> 00:11:04,009 somewhere. 295 00:11:04,870 --> 00:11:07,664 You don't personally have to say, I'm into 296 00:11:07,664 --> 00:11:09,904 impact play. That's this part of BDSM for 297 00:11:09,904 --> 00:11:11,184 me, you don't have to do that. But 298 00:11:11,184 --> 00:11:12,725 let's at least be honest. 299 00:11:13,264 --> 00:11:14,404 Let's be accurate. 300 00:11:14,945 --> 00:11:16,004 I'm just saying. 301 00:11:17,745 --> 00:11:18,245 Okay. 302 00:11:20,065 --> 00:11:22,865 And somebody said, yeah. It's, awkwardness panda said, 303 00:11:22,865 --> 00:11:24,679 yeah. It's all kink. And it kinda all 304 00:11:24,679 --> 00:11:26,360 is. That's why I think kink is the 305 00:11:26,360 --> 00:11:28,679 umbrella term. Use that for whatever you mean. 306 00:11:28,679 --> 00:11:31,240 Right. But I'm no. We're not gonna pretend 307 00:11:31,240 --> 00:11:33,480 it's separate from BDSM. We're just not. We're 308 00:11:33,480 --> 00:11:36,600 just not. Okay. Here's one that once I 309 00:11:36,600 --> 00:11:38,205 saw it once, I swear to you, I 310 00:11:38,205 --> 00:11:39,904 saw it a dozen separate times. 311 00:11:40,284 --> 00:11:42,044 I read it in at least one book, 312 00:11:42,044 --> 00:11:44,705 maybe two. I saw it in two separate, 313 00:11:46,764 --> 00:11:47,985 posts on Instagram, 314 00:11:51,320 --> 00:11:53,980 from different people who talk about I've gotten 315 00:11:54,360 --> 00:11:56,120 on I don't usually have this in my 316 00:11:56,120 --> 00:11:57,879 algorithm when I'm on Instagram, but I'm on 317 00:11:57,879 --> 00:11:59,960 the kinks side. And and people I've never 318 00:11:59,960 --> 00:12:01,160 heard of are coming up. And some of 319 00:12:01,160 --> 00:12:02,705 them are are smart. I'm saving their posts 320 00:12:02,705 --> 00:12:04,464 because I'm like, oh, I'm gonna reference us 321 00:12:04,464 --> 00:12:05,985 back later. Yeah. And some of them, I'm 322 00:12:05,985 --> 00:12:07,745 like, oh, somebody needs to take your Internet 323 00:12:07,745 --> 00:12:09,664 away from you. Why? Yeah. You made a 324 00:12:09,664 --> 00:12:12,164 graphic. You made 10 graphics. You posted them 325 00:12:12,225 --> 00:12:14,480 with pride, and half of this is wrong. 326 00:12:14,620 --> 00:12:16,059 I don't say that to them, but I 327 00:12:16,059 --> 00:12:17,279 did think that. Anyway 328 00:12:17,580 --> 00:12:19,019 and then I read it in an article. 329 00:12:19,019 --> 00:12:21,580 So I saw this several times. Goodness. I 330 00:12:21,580 --> 00:12:24,240 ground my teeth every time. Full disclosure, 331 00:12:24,700 --> 00:12:27,100 I used to say this. JB used to 332 00:12:27,100 --> 00:12:28,235 kind of say this. 333 00:12:29,095 --> 00:12:30,794 We don't say it like this anymore. 334 00:12:31,735 --> 00:12:33,735 But I think everybody's heard it at least 335 00:12:33,735 --> 00:12:34,235 once. 336 00:12:35,254 --> 00:12:37,595 Submissives have all the power. 337 00:12:39,174 --> 00:12:40,235 All the power. 338 00:12:40,774 --> 00:12:41,274 Dump. 339 00:12:41,815 --> 00:12:43,670 Shh. You We're power. You ain't got shit. 340 00:12:43,670 --> 00:12:46,070 We ain't nothing. Yeah. We ain't nothing. So 341 00:12:46,070 --> 00:12:46,970 here's the thing. 342 00:12:47,350 --> 00:12:49,350 I understand and I think I saw somebody 343 00:12:49,350 --> 00:12:51,910 on Instagram talking about this. Why people say 344 00:12:51,910 --> 00:12:54,389 that? It's a comfort. Mhmm. It reminds the 345 00:12:54,389 --> 00:12:56,790 submissive that you're not, you know, ideally, if 346 00:12:56,790 --> 00:12:58,828 everything is going the way it's supposed to, 347 00:12:58,828 --> 00:13:01,074 you're not being abused. You are not being 348 00:13:01,074 --> 00:13:03,600 subjugated. You you know, this is not only 349 00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:05,847 is this a choice, you have the ability 350 00:13:05,847 --> 00:13:08,373 to stop things if you need to. And 351 00:13:08,373 --> 00:13:10,620 I think there's nothing wrong with reminding submissives 352 00:13:10,940 --> 00:13:13,899 of their personal power, but they do not 353 00:13:13,899 --> 00:13:17,200 have all of the power. No. Everybody's 354 00:13:17,580 --> 00:13:19,500 supposed to have power here. Mhmm. And you 355 00:13:19,500 --> 00:13:22,100 use it however you need to use it 356 00:13:22,460 --> 00:13:24,995 Right. Including being able to withdraw consent. But 357 00:13:24,995 --> 00:13:27,794 submissive that I think I've complained about this 358 00:13:27,794 --> 00:13:29,815 before. If submissives have all the power, 359 00:13:31,075 --> 00:13:31,575 because 360 00:13:32,914 --> 00:13:35,460 I'm, you know, a pedantic bitch, 361 00:13:36,019 --> 00:13:37,940 You're saying doms have none of the power, 362 00:13:37,940 --> 00:13:40,600 and that just doesn't make any fucking sense. 363 00:13:41,379 --> 00:13:42,279 It just doesn't. 364 00:13:43,300 --> 00:13:44,980 Well, let me say again. I used to 365 00:13:44,980 --> 00:13:46,340 say it. I used to it is a 366 00:13:46,340 --> 00:13:48,740 very comforting thought. If you're about to go 367 00:13:48,740 --> 00:13:50,865 in and do something scary Mhmm. Mhmm. Or 368 00:13:50,865 --> 00:13:52,945 something that goes against everything you've been taught. 369 00:13:52,945 --> 00:13:54,785 Or everything you thought you believed. Or everything 370 00:13:54,785 --> 00:13:56,245 you think you know about relationships. 371 00:13:57,585 --> 00:13:59,745 Saying something like that to yourself can feel 372 00:13:59,745 --> 00:14:00,245 empowering. 373 00:14:01,024 --> 00:14:02,625 But we just need to take the all 374 00:14:02,625 --> 00:14:05,309 out of it. Yeah. Submissions have power. Because 375 00:14:05,309 --> 00:14:05,970 the Muslims 376 00:14:06,429 --> 00:14:08,429 are are also supposed to have agency and 377 00:14:08,429 --> 00:14:10,110 be able to advocate for themselves. And they 378 00:14:10,110 --> 00:14:12,590 have wants and needs. And you get to 379 00:14:12,590 --> 00:14:14,429 consent that power. They don't get walked over 380 00:14:14,429 --> 00:14:16,830 walked on. Unless you just negotiated them so 381 00:14:16,830 --> 00:14:18,404 you have more power to you. But that's 382 00:14:18,404 --> 00:14:20,184 something separate. Right? 383 00:14:21,524 --> 00:14:22,964 I did I mean, it was a thing 384 00:14:22,964 --> 00:14:24,804 that once I saw it once, I saw 385 00:14:24,804 --> 00:14:27,205 it every fucking way. Yeah. Yeah. I saw 386 00:14:27,205 --> 00:14:27,705 it 387 00:14:28,164 --> 00:14:29,865 everywhere. Everywhere. Everywhere. 388 00:14:35,549 --> 00:14:36,049 So 389 00:14:38,269 --> 00:14:40,269 yeah. I'm I need us to, like, take 390 00:14:40,269 --> 00:14:41,649 that out of our vocabulary. 391 00:14:42,029 --> 00:14:43,410 I mean, I could look. 392 00:14:44,110 --> 00:14:46,190 I am a bitch in places and spaces 393 00:14:46,190 --> 00:14:47,950 and with people that I'm uncomfortable with. Hi. 394 00:14:47,950 --> 00:14:50,325 I'm comfortable with y'all. I would never go 395 00:14:50,325 --> 00:14:52,404 into somebody's comment section and be like, please 396 00:14:52,404 --> 00:14:54,245 stop saying this. I know some people who 397 00:14:54,245 --> 00:14:56,485 would. I'm not that girl. Will I complain 398 00:14:56,485 --> 00:14:58,485 to y'all though? Yes. Yeah. Fuck I will. 399 00:14:58,485 --> 00:15:00,404 Because somebody out there is that type of 400 00:15:00,404 --> 00:15:02,165 person and you will come across it and 401 00:15:02,165 --> 00:15:03,764 you will say the thing that I can't 402 00:15:03,764 --> 00:15:06,409 say. So I'll tell you in one day 403 00:15:06,470 --> 00:15:08,470 when it makes you grind your teeth. You'll 404 00:15:08,470 --> 00:15:11,350 tell somebody. Stop saying that shit. Stop saying 405 00:15:11,350 --> 00:15:13,990 that shit. It's you know, it is meant 406 00:15:13,990 --> 00:15:16,789 well. I think most people don't mean it 407 00:15:16,789 --> 00:15:18,545 to be, well, my Dom is just my 408 00:15:18,545 --> 00:15:20,465 kink dispenser and they're just gonna do what 409 00:15:20,465 --> 00:15:21,904 I wanna do want them to do or 410 00:15:21,904 --> 00:15:24,705 whatever whatever. And quite frankly, many of the 411 00:15:24,705 --> 00:15:26,945 newer submissives I tend to come across, that's 412 00:15:27,024 --> 00:15:28,705 they're not worried about that. They're very worried 413 00:15:28,705 --> 00:15:30,625 about, you know, even asking for what they 414 00:15:30,625 --> 00:15:32,305 want. Yeah. It doesn't even necessarily occur to 415 00:15:32,305 --> 00:15:34,190 them that they have any amount of power, 416 00:15:34,250 --> 00:15:34,750 sadly. 417 00:15:35,209 --> 00:15:38,029 But it is such just this false view 418 00:15:38,089 --> 00:15:38,589 of 419 00:15:40,329 --> 00:15:43,070 it takes everybody's autonomy away. Like, it just 420 00:15:43,209 --> 00:15:44,509 no. No. No. 421 00:15:45,289 --> 00:15:46,669 Even though we negotiate 422 00:15:48,565 --> 00:15:50,345 come to this as equals. 423 00:15:51,044 --> 00:15:52,024 What you choose 424 00:15:52,404 --> 00:15:54,004 to do with that and how that looks, 425 00:15:54,004 --> 00:15:57,125 fine. Fine. Fine. But if everybody is truly 426 00:15:57,125 --> 00:15:59,944 equal Mhmm. Then that means everybody has power. 427 00:16:00,570 --> 00:16:02,490 How do it's been a while since I've 428 00:16:02,490 --> 00:16:03,210 said this, but, 429 00:16:04,170 --> 00:16:05,230 it's a 430 00:16:06,970 --> 00:16:10,590 it's two equals negotiating a power imbalance. Yes. 431 00:16:11,370 --> 00:16:11,870 Yes. 432 00:16:13,210 --> 00:16:15,014 Okay. So I complained. Do you wanna add 433 00:16:15,014 --> 00:16:17,014 anything to that? You feel good about that? 434 00:16:17,014 --> 00:16:18,455 I just needed to get that off my 435 00:16:18,455 --> 00:16:19,995 chest. I needed to complain 436 00:16:20,455 --> 00:16:21,514 to somebody. 437 00:16:22,294 --> 00:16:22,794 Alright. 438 00:16:23,815 --> 00:16:26,455 Carry on. The next ones Mhmm. Are ones 439 00:16:26,455 --> 00:16:28,075 that were sent to us. So I'm gonna 440 00:16:28,134 --> 00:16:29,559 read it, explain it as I understand it. 441 00:16:29,559 --> 00:16:31,240 A couple Okay. A couple of them I've 442 00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:33,879 combined because they were similar enough. And then 443 00:16:33,879 --> 00:16:35,879 we will say what we think about this. 444 00:16:35,879 --> 00:16:37,579 Alright. Now, for these, 445 00:16:38,120 --> 00:16:40,039 some of these, at least one of them, 446 00:16:40,039 --> 00:16:42,120 I think reasonable people might disagree on it 447 00:16:42,120 --> 00:16:43,095 and I think it's okay. 448 00:16:43,574 --> 00:16:45,334 My my pet peeve or your pet peeve 449 00:16:45,334 --> 00:16:46,855 might not be somebody else's pet peeve and 450 00:16:46,855 --> 00:16:49,894 that is fine. I specifically asked for things 451 00:16:49,894 --> 00:16:51,674 that are not inherently harmful, 452 00:16:52,375 --> 00:16:54,074 you know, extra risky, 453 00:16:55,654 --> 00:16:57,975 like, we're like, yeah. We we know those 454 00:16:57,975 --> 00:16:59,379 should be more than pet peeves. These are 455 00:16:59,379 --> 00:17:00,199 things that 456 00:17:00,980 --> 00:17:02,980 aren't the aren't the end of the fucking 457 00:17:02,980 --> 00:17:04,980 world, but can we make some of these 458 00:17:04,980 --> 00:17:07,140 go away? Because they're not helpful either. At 459 00:17:07,140 --> 00:17:08,740 least the the first few. The last one? 460 00:17:08,740 --> 00:17:10,179 I think the last one's gonna divide the 461 00:17:10,179 --> 00:17:12,279 Internet. Okay. The first one. 462 00:17:12,794 --> 00:17:13,294 So 463 00:17:13,674 --> 00:17:16,014 it goes, it's not the the 464 00:17:16,315 --> 00:17:18,815 thing people believe or say. It's not BDSM 465 00:17:18,954 --> 00:17:19,934 unless it's 466 00:17:20,394 --> 00:17:23,034 then insert a preconceived limitation. So it's not 467 00:17:23,034 --> 00:17:25,835 BDSM unless it's high protocol. It's not BDSM 468 00:17:25,835 --> 00:17:28,230 unless you have impact play. Unless you have 469 00:17:28,230 --> 00:17:29,849 a collar, unless you have a contract. 470 00:17:30,230 --> 00:17:31,910 The other way somebody kind of said it 471 00:17:31,910 --> 00:17:33,990 is if you aren't doing DS like everyone 472 00:17:33,990 --> 00:17:36,410 else, it's wrong and not the true way. 473 00:17:36,470 --> 00:17:36,970 Boom. 474 00:17:38,549 --> 00:17:40,549 So on one side of that peeve, it's 475 00:17:40,549 --> 00:17:42,549 very specific. Somebody's like, well, if you don't 476 00:17:42,549 --> 00:17:44,654 have this thing, then it's not actually BDSM. 477 00:17:44,654 --> 00:17:46,735 Yeah. And then we also have the other 478 00:17:46,735 --> 00:17:49,215 thing where there's the Venn diagram crosses of 479 00:17:49,215 --> 00:17:50,654 there's a one true way to do power 480 00:17:50,654 --> 00:17:53,394 exchange, which, of course, there's not. Yeah. 481 00:17:53,695 --> 00:17:55,075 Of course, there's not. 482 00:17:56,279 --> 00:17:56,779 Agree 483 00:18:03,442 --> 00:18:03,942 that 484 00:18:10,605 --> 00:18:12,365 that this is I agree with this pet 485 00:18:12,365 --> 00:18:14,765 peeve. I I do wish people would stop 486 00:18:14,765 --> 00:18:16,384 doing it because it is limiting. 487 00:18:16,924 --> 00:18:18,924 It, you know, makes people think they're somehow 488 00:18:18,924 --> 00:18:21,085 doing something wrong because they're not following a 489 00:18:21,085 --> 00:18:22,924 script or they're not following scripts. It gives 490 00:18:22,924 --> 00:18:26,430 people a very narrow focus. Very narrow. BDSM 491 00:18:27,230 --> 00:18:28,769 in general and and 492 00:18:29,150 --> 00:18:32,029 relationships within BDSM, power exchange, whatever, however you 493 00:18:32,029 --> 00:18:33,890 do it, is one of the most customizable 494 00:18:34,190 --> 00:18:36,269 things I've ever fucking come across in my 495 00:18:36,269 --> 00:18:36,769 life. 496 00:18:37,150 --> 00:18:39,789 Because every element of what is in this 497 00:18:39,789 --> 00:18:40,289 lifestyle 498 00:18:40,804 --> 00:18:41,704 is not just 499 00:18:42,565 --> 00:18:44,424 a set in stone. It's a spectrum. 500 00:18:44,724 --> 00:18:46,404 Yes. It is a spectrum from one end 501 00:18:46,404 --> 00:18:48,345 to another, and you can 502 00:18:48,644 --> 00:18:50,025 curate it to be anything 503 00:18:50,404 --> 00:18:52,244 you want it to be. And that's the 504 00:18:52,244 --> 00:18:54,244 thing we spend a lot of time telling 505 00:18:54,244 --> 00:18:55,410 folks, newer folks, which 506 00:18:56,210 --> 00:18:58,450 is you do not twist yourself into knots 507 00:18:58,450 --> 00:19:00,769 to fit some preconceived notion of what power 508 00:19:00,769 --> 00:19:03,250 exchanges or what kink is. Mhmm. You make 509 00:19:03,250 --> 00:19:04,150 it fit you. 510 00:19:04,609 --> 00:19:07,109 You work with your real life, your 511 00:19:08,795 --> 00:19:09,855 personal desires, needs, 512 00:19:10,394 --> 00:19:13,275 things you wanna try, curiosities, the Venn diagram 513 00:19:13,275 --> 00:19:15,115 with a partner of what they want and 514 00:19:15,115 --> 00:19:16,894 need and are into, and then you see 515 00:19:17,115 --> 00:19:18,654 where do we combine and crossover 516 00:19:19,035 --> 00:19:21,089 and and you make it your own. And 517 00:19:21,089 --> 00:19:24,210 it will not necessarily look like anybody else's 518 00:19:24,210 --> 00:19:26,769 kink life, and that is a 100% 519 00:19:26,769 --> 00:19:27,669 fucking okay. 520 00:19:28,049 --> 00:19:30,069 If it does start to look like everybody, 521 00:19:30,210 --> 00:19:30,789 you know, 522 00:19:31,089 --> 00:19:33,410 everybody else's kink life, one, that's boring. And 523 00:19:33,410 --> 00:19:34,575 two, I promise you, 524 00:19:37,054 --> 00:19:39,134 Somebody is unhappy because people just are not 525 00:19:39,134 --> 00:19:41,855 built that way. We are all very individual. 526 00:19:41,855 --> 00:19:42,674 There will be, 527 00:19:42,974 --> 00:19:44,194 you know, commonalities 528 00:19:44,734 --> 00:19:45,875 amongst some 529 00:19:46,255 --> 00:19:48,994 subsections of people, but no two 530 00:19:49,534 --> 00:19:52,109 power exchanges are identical. You could have somebody 531 00:19:52,109 --> 00:19:53,950 who on paper probably sounds like our power 532 00:19:53,950 --> 00:19:55,710 exchange, and all it takes is one element 533 00:19:55,710 --> 00:19:56,990 of their life to be a little bit 534 00:19:56,990 --> 00:19:59,089 different. And it's a completely different experience. 535 00:20:00,589 --> 00:20:02,369 So Mhmm. Yeah. 536 00:20:02,909 --> 00:20:04,664 Or as JB said, boo. 537 00:20:13,045 --> 00:20:14,825 You're welcome. Oh, god. 538 00:20:15,684 --> 00:20:18,130 Okay. This next one is another kind of 539 00:20:18,130 --> 00:20:19,029 fill in the blank. 540 00:20:19,410 --> 00:20:22,630 You can't be submissive because you're too old. 541 00:20:23,089 --> 00:20:23,990 You're too heavy. 542 00:20:24,289 --> 00:20:26,369 You're a man. Yeah. Oh, my God. The 543 00:20:26,369 --> 00:20:29,089 whole all dogs are men, all subs are 544 00:20:29,089 --> 00:20:29,589 female 545 00:20:30,144 --> 00:20:32,224 bullshit. And and, you know, I I was 546 00:20:32,224 --> 00:20:34,065 just I was just thinking when you were 547 00:20:34,065 --> 00:20:35,365 talking about that how, 548 00:20:35,664 --> 00:20:37,025 you know, one of the things I hear 549 00:20:37,025 --> 00:20:37,924 so much about 550 00:20:38,944 --> 00:20:39,444 and, 551 00:20:40,224 --> 00:20:41,525 god, it makes me just 552 00:20:42,704 --> 00:20:43,204 Mhmm. 553 00:20:43,559 --> 00:20:45,000 You can't be a baby girl because you're 554 00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:46,840 too old. You can't be a little because 555 00:20:46,840 --> 00:20:49,400 you're too old. The amount of people who 556 00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:50,920 are like, I I'm a little. I'm I 557 00:20:50,920 --> 00:20:52,200 wanna be a baby girl. I wanna be 558 00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:53,799 not. But I'm 60, so I can't be 559 00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:55,820 yeah. The fuck you can. You can. 560 00:20:56,279 --> 00:20:57,740 Fuck you can, baby. Yeah. 561 00:20:58,279 --> 00:21:00,734 Be who you want. Whatever, like, speaks to 562 00:21:00,734 --> 00:21:02,035 you, whatever feels right. 563 00:21:02,335 --> 00:21:04,494 If the language of all that doesn't feel 564 00:21:04,494 --> 00:21:06,494 right to you, not because you think you're 565 00:21:06,494 --> 00:21:07,934 not supposed to, not because you think you're 566 00:21:07,934 --> 00:21:09,775 gonna be rejected or you think there's some 567 00:21:09,775 --> 00:21:12,755 sort of age limit, up upper age limit, 568 00:21:14,630 --> 00:21:16,630 No. You can use those terms. If the 569 00:21:16,630 --> 00:21:19,190 terms kinda make you squidgy, but the the 570 00:21:19,190 --> 00:21:20,789 vibe is there, then you find your own 571 00:21:20,789 --> 00:21:23,850 term. Yeah. But, yeah, there's there's no age 572 00:21:24,309 --> 00:21:26,710 upper age limit. No. There is a lower 573 00:21:26,710 --> 00:21:28,674 age limit. There's no upper age limit on 574 00:21:28,674 --> 00:21:30,674 any part of kink. There is no gender 575 00:21:30,674 --> 00:21:33,474 requirement for any part of kink. Nope. I 576 00:21:33,474 --> 00:21:37,075 mean, every every time somebody bitches, usually, it's 577 00:21:37,075 --> 00:21:38,855 a non in a non kink space. 578 00:21:39,315 --> 00:21:40,214 And it somehow, 579 00:21:40,674 --> 00:21:42,214 the the not the kink 580 00:21:42,529 --> 00:21:45,409 crept into a vanilla space and somebody complains 581 00:21:45,409 --> 00:21:48,049 about how it's just BDSM power change, whatever 582 00:21:48,049 --> 00:21:50,130 term they use, kink is just another way 583 00:21:50,130 --> 00:21:52,289 for men to abuse women. I'm like, because 584 00:21:52,289 --> 00:21:54,470 you're assuming all of the men are doms. 585 00:21:54,609 --> 00:21:57,015 Like, yes. There are men who are doms. 586 00:21:57,494 --> 00:21:59,174 There are women who are doms. Right. There 587 00:21:59,174 --> 00:22:01,894 are gender fluid, non binary don't have a 588 00:22:01,894 --> 00:22:02,394 definition 589 00:22:02,695 --> 00:22:03,595 to their gender 590 00:22:04,055 --> 00:22:06,295 folks who are doms because it's not your 591 00:22:06,295 --> 00:22:07,835 gender doesn't fucking determine 592 00:22:08,375 --> 00:22:10,315 what side of the slash you're on. 593 00:22:11,109 --> 00:22:13,269 Absolutely. And that's just the that's just the 594 00:22:13,269 --> 00:22:15,190 gender thing or, like, the age thing. There 595 00:22:15,190 --> 00:22:17,669 is, you know, there is you could people 596 00:22:17,669 --> 00:22:19,429 think you're too old for this. Look. The 597 00:22:19,429 --> 00:22:21,029 only thing I'm too old for is to 598 00:22:21,029 --> 00:22:22,490 get as, like, 599 00:22:23,144 --> 00:22:25,545 freaky kinky as we used to ten years 600 00:22:25,545 --> 00:22:27,545 ago. Yeah. This body don't move like that. 601 00:22:27,545 --> 00:22:29,065 I may not be able to flog as 602 00:22:29,065 --> 00:22:30,744 long as I used to, but That's the 603 00:22:30,744 --> 00:22:32,525 only limitation of the age. 604 00:22:33,065 --> 00:22:34,505 But but it goes back to and it 605 00:22:34,505 --> 00:22:37,065 goes back to the overarching one true way 606 00:22:37,065 --> 00:22:39,119 or it's not like if you if you 607 00:22:39,119 --> 00:22:40,640 don't do this thing or you are not 608 00:22:40,640 --> 00:22:43,059 that person, which is just putting limitations 609 00:22:43,519 --> 00:22:45,700 Right. On who can do the thing, 610 00:22:46,559 --> 00:22:49,220 who is considered, you know, acceptable or 611 00:22:49,599 --> 00:22:51,119 it's okay for them to do it or 612 00:22:51,119 --> 00:22:53,039 it makes sense. Like, none none of that 613 00:22:53,039 --> 00:22:54,000 fucking matters. I swear 614 00:22:54,640 --> 00:22:56,255 I'm I know most of the people who 615 00:22:56,255 --> 00:22:57,855 say shit like this have never been to 616 00:22:57,855 --> 00:22:59,855 a munch in their fucking lives. Just not 617 00:22:59,855 --> 00:23:01,454 even the dungeon, not even a party, not 618 00:23:01,454 --> 00:23:02,894 even a workshop. You just walk into a 619 00:23:02,894 --> 00:23:04,414 munch and you're like, oh my god. That 620 00:23:04,414 --> 00:23:06,275 person could be my accountant. 621 00:23:06,815 --> 00:23:07,714 That person 622 00:23:08,414 --> 00:23:10,099 looks like my plumber. Like, 623 00:23:10,480 --> 00:23:13,920 we're just real fucking people. Mhmm. And quite 624 00:23:13,920 --> 00:23:16,240 frankly, I got them back in the day 625 00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:17,700 when I was first, like, 626 00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:20,420 new to actual in person community. 627 00:23:21,119 --> 00:23:22,880 The munch was like, wow. These just look 628 00:23:22,880 --> 00:23:24,224 like people I'd see in the grocery store 629 00:23:24,224 --> 00:23:26,384 because they are. Must be real. And then 630 00:23:26,384 --> 00:23:28,625 that same night, I think, it I think 631 00:23:28,625 --> 00:23:30,065 it was the first time we went to 632 00:23:30,065 --> 00:23:31,684 the munch, but maybe it was another time. 633 00:23:31,825 --> 00:23:33,744 We go to the dungeon afterwards and I'm 634 00:23:33,744 --> 00:23:35,265 like, oh, all these people who look like 635 00:23:35,265 --> 00:23:37,250 they could be like, at the company picnic 636 00:23:37,250 --> 00:23:37,990 on the weekend, 637 00:23:38,369 --> 00:23:40,130 I didn't know that was their kink. I 638 00:23:40,130 --> 00:23:42,210 didn't know that's how they identified. I didn't 639 00:23:42,210 --> 00:23:43,650 know that's what they would put on their 640 00:23:43,650 --> 00:23:45,109 body or do with their body. 641 00:23:46,049 --> 00:23:47,589 And it's even in 642 00:23:47,890 --> 00:23:50,525 small communities that are, like, a little too 643 00:23:50,525 --> 00:23:54,045 homogeneous, like, overly white or overly, like, 45 644 00:23:54,045 --> 00:23:55,585 plus or whatever whatever, 645 00:23:57,005 --> 00:23:59,404 you know, you will still see things you 646 00:23:59,404 --> 00:24:01,664 did not expect to see. People will absolutely 647 00:24:02,285 --> 00:24:04,545 blow your mind and blow all of your 648 00:24:04,765 --> 00:24:05,265 preconceptions 649 00:24:05,759 --> 00:24:08,080 and your cliches and your stereotypes out of 650 00:24:08,080 --> 00:24:10,640 the fucking water because somebody's gonna be a 651 00:24:10,640 --> 00:24:12,720 freak that you did not know existed. In 652 00:24:12,720 --> 00:24:13,759 a I say that in a good way. 653 00:24:13,759 --> 00:24:15,039 I do not say that majorly. And you're 654 00:24:15,039 --> 00:24:16,480 gonna be like Yeah. Not only did I 655 00:24:16,480 --> 00:24:17,619 not know that existed, 656 00:24:18,240 --> 00:24:19,914 you are not who I would picture in 657 00:24:19,914 --> 00:24:21,914 my mind for any of this. But and 658 00:24:21,914 --> 00:24:23,914 and yet it's, you know, completely valid and 659 00:24:23,914 --> 00:24:25,375 true to who they are. True. 660 00:24:26,875 --> 00:24:27,375 BDSM, 661 00:24:27,755 --> 00:24:29,835 kink. If we should use the word kink, 662 00:24:29,835 --> 00:24:30,975 is the most fucking 663 00:24:35,919 --> 00:24:36,899 individuals who are participating in it. 664 00:24:38,319 --> 00:24:40,079 That's okay. What they're into and how they 665 00:24:40,079 --> 00:24:43,139 express themselves. I mean, quite frankly, we've met, 666 00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:45,359 you know, in one very small kind of 667 00:24:45,359 --> 00:24:47,465 community, we met a couple of cross dressers 668 00:24:47,465 --> 00:24:49,065 and that was their thing, cross dressers. They 669 00:24:49,065 --> 00:24:50,825 did not identify at least at that time 670 00:24:50,825 --> 00:24:52,605 as trans or anything else. They just 671 00:24:52,985 --> 00:24:54,985 they were cis men who liked to dress 672 00:24:54,985 --> 00:24:56,825 as women and even they had two of 673 00:24:56,825 --> 00:24:59,069 the the most different styles. I was like, 674 00:24:59,069 --> 00:25:00,509 you look like you should be at the 675 00:25:00,509 --> 00:25:01,409 PTA meeting, 676 00:25:01,789 --> 00:25:03,269 and you look like you should be on 677 00:25:03,269 --> 00:25:05,390 a pole. And both are valid, and it's 678 00:25:05,390 --> 00:25:07,730 all fascinating. It's all fucking fascinating. 679 00:25:08,669 --> 00:25:09,169 Yeah. 680 00:25:10,109 --> 00:25:11,869 So does that pet peeve also get a 681 00:25:11,869 --> 00:25:12,369 boo? 682 00:25:12,855 --> 00:25:13,355 Boo. 683 00:25:15,335 --> 00:25:17,355 That's our rating system now y'all. 684 00:25:17,734 --> 00:25:19,434 That is our rating system. 685 00:25:20,134 --> 00:25:21,835 This JB booing. 686 00:25:24,214 --> 00:25:24,714 Okay. 687 00:25:25,015 --> 00:25:26,055 Now this one 688 00:25:27,339 --> 00:25:29,339 Okay. This is the one I think could 689 00:25:29,339 --> 00:25:31,339 divide the Internet because I know some people 690 00:25:31,339 --> 00:25:32,559 who feel very strongly 691 00:25:32,859 --> 00:25:35,279 in both directions. Okay? Okay. Okay. 692 00:25:35,899 --> 00:25:37,039 It's the, 693 00:25:37,740 --> 00:25:40,153 the way this person worded it, the killing 694 00:25:40,153 --> 00:25:42,639 of grammatical conventions in the name of power 695 00:25:43,075 --> 00:25:45,654 conventions in the name of power exchange. So 696 00:25:45,875 --> 00:25:49,234 the excessive capitalization of anything dominant, which I 697 00:25:49,234 --> 00:25:51,075 do. I if I am in in a 698 00:25:51,075 --> 00:25:53,154 kink space talking about kink, I capitalize that 699 00:25:53,154 --> 00:25:54,375 fucking d in Dom. 700 00:25:54,994 --> 00:25:57,795 It's lowercase for submissive names. Now I always 701 00:25:57,795 --> 00:25:58,295 lowercase 702 00:25:58,970 --> 00:26:01,210 sub or submissive, but I have absolutely seen 703 00:26:01,210 --> 00:26:03,049 people who are talking about themselves. They're writing 704 00:26:03,049 --> 00:26:04,970 their names Oh, yeah. Like in a in 705 00:26:04,970 --> 00:26:06,910 a chat or into this or that. 706 00:26:07,289 --> 00:26:09,769 And the dog's name is capitalized. The sub's 707 00:26:09,769 --> 00:26:11,865 name is lowercase. You know, like, if they 708 00:26:11,865 --> 00:26:14,184 say, you know, start I, it would be 709 00:26:14,184 --> 00:26:16,664 a lowercase I. Right. And then the other 710 00:26:16,664 --> 00:26:18,424 example and I haven't seen this in ages, 711 00:26:18,424 --> 00:26:19,944 but I know it happens. It's the people 712 00:26:19,944 --> 00:26:21,724 who use and the example they gave us, 713 00:26:21,944 --> 00:26:23,005 the word you 714 00:26:23,625 --> 00:26:25,644 Mhmm. Capital y slash 715 00:26:27,039 --> 00:26:29,839 little y Yes. Where your slash when you're 716 00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:31,759 and it's usually like we. Right? That's where 717 00:26:31,759 --> 00:26:33,359 I see it the most. We, blah de 718 00:26:33,359 --> 00:26:35,779 blah. And the we represents the power exchange. 719 00:26:35,839 --> 00:26:37,519 And the way the we would be written 720 00:26:37,519 --> 00:26:38,019 is 721 00:26:38,480 --> 00:26:39,525 upper case w 722 00:26:40,085 --> 00:26:42,744 slash lower case w to show 723 00:26:43,445 --> 00:26:46,505 the differentiation between this. Between the two. Right. 724 00:26:46,565 --> 00:26:48,644 So that is that person's pet peeve. Mhmm. 725 00:26:48,644 --> 00:26:49,144 I'm 726 00:26:49,765 --> 00:26:52,085 intimately familiar with those Oh, yeah. Those ways 727 00:26:52,085 --> 00:26:54,085 of writing it out. Mhmm. How do you 728 00:26:54,085 --> 00:26:55,259 feel about it? Yeah. You know, 729 00:26:57,019 --> 00:26:59,119 I I remember when I first came into 730 00:27:00,140 --> 00:27:00,880 the lifestyle, 731 00:27:01,740 --> 00:27:04,320 and again, like, you know, at that time, 732 00:27:04,619 --> 00:27:07,339 high protocol Mhmm. Was a was a big 733 00:27:07,339 --> 00:27:07,839 thing. 734 00:27:09,794 --> 00:27:11,414 And I saw it used 735 00:27:12,274 --> 00:27:13,174 quite a bit. 736 00:27:14,434 --> 00:27:14,934 Mhmm. 737 00:27:16,034 --> 00:27:16,534 And 738 00:27:17,554 --> 00:27:19,634 I have not seen it as much. I 739 00:27:19,634 --> 00:27:21,154 don't I think I don't think it's as 740 00:27:21,154 --> 00:27:22,829 common as it once was. In the kink 741 00:27:22,829 --> 00:27:25,069 spaces. Oh, sure. Lola, walk across all of 742 00:27:25,069 --> 00:27:27,170 the cores to the camera. This is fine. 743 00:27:28,990 --> 00:27:29,490 So, 744 00:27:30,109 --> 00:27:32,529 you know, yeah. I I did see that. 745 00:27:32,750 --> 00:27:32,910 I 746 00:27:33,630 --> 00:27:35,804 and for a while, I did I tried. 747 00:27:35,804 --> 00:27:37,244 I did try to do that. It didn't 748 00:27:37,325 --> 00:27:38,764 it did not feel right for me. No. 749 00:27:38,764 --> 00:27:40,284 It it did not feel right for me 750 00:27:40,284 --> 00:27:40,784 either. 751 00:27:41,244 --> 00:27:43,724 But what I noted, at least in the 752 00:27:43,724 --> 00:27:46,625 circles that I ran in Mhmm. You know, 753 00:27:46,924 --> 00:27:48,524 yeah. It's okay if you do it. It's 754 00:27:48,524 --> 00:27:50,789 okay if you don't. Yeah. You know, it's 755 00:27:50,789 --> 00:27:51,529 not a 756 00:27:53,669 --> 00:27:55,849 For some and yet for some people, 757 00:27:56,630 --> 00:27:57,369 it is 758 00:27:58,230 --> 00:27:59,529 a thing that they require. 759 00:27:59,829 --> 00:28:00,890 Yeah, it's part of their 760 00:28:01,750 --> 00:28:03,450 dynamic, but it's not a, 761 00:28:04,795 --> 00:28:05,595 I don't know how you would say it, 762 00:28:05,595 --> 00:28:08,075 you know, blanket. Because right. Because there's nothing 763 00:28:08,075 --> 00:28:11,515 that's required Right. Under in BDSM Mhmm. Beyond 764 00:28:11,674 --> 00:28:14,734 Yeah. Risk management and awareness and Mhmm. Communication. 765 00:28:15,195 --> 00:28:17,775 Yeah. Yeah. I I think if somebody 766 00:28:25,470 --> 00:28:26,210 many customizations. 767 00:28:27,309 --> 00:28:29,549 There and there are ways that I do 768 00:28:29,549 --> 00:28:30,049 it 769 00:28:30,509 --> 00:28:33,664 when I'm specifically writing about kink in kink 770 00:28:33,664 --> 00:28:34,164 spaces 771 00:28:35,265 --> 00:28:37,664 that I have always kept. The dom is 772 00:28:37,664 --> 00:28:39,825 gonna be a capital d, submissive is gonna 773 00:28:39,825 --> 00:28:40,884 be a little s. 774 00:28:41,265 --> 00:28:41,765 It's 775 00:28:42,305 --> 00:28:45,359 like, my eyes kinda do a a a 776 00:28:45,359 --> 00:28:47,299 what? When I'm reading, like, 777 00:28:47,679 --> 00:28:50,000 a an article, like, in Cosmo or whatever. 778 00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:51,940 Right? And they're talking about dominance and submission. 779 00:28:52,319 --> 00:28:54,319 And the d in dominance is lowercase. I'm 780 00:28:54,319 --> 00:28:55,214 like, what? 781 00:28:55,775 --> 00:28:57,075 That doesn't look right. 782 00:28:57,615 --> 00:28:59,714 Even though it's technically true. 783 00:29:00,974 --> 00:29:04,414 But I also know as a reader, as 784 00:29:04,414 --> 00:29:06,095 a person who's trying to read words on 785 00:29:06,095 --> 00:29:06,755 a screen, 786 00:29:07,134 --> 00:29:09,589 it can be distracting once we start adding 787 00:29:09,589 --> 00:29:11,690 in a bunch of slashes. Yeah. You know? 788 00:29:13,109 --> 00:29:14,950 Quite frankly, if I were if somebody were 789 00:29:14,950 --> 00:29:16,869 to ask and actually wanted my opinion in 790 00:29:16,869 --> 00:29:19,109 the sense that they planned on, like, following 791 00:29:19,109 --> 00:29:21,429 my opinion and nobody has to. We all 792 00:29:21,429 --> 00:29:23,865 fucking know that. I would say that if 793 00:29:23,865 --> 00:29:26,345 you just if you want to represent the 794 00:29:26,345 --> 00:29:26,845 relationship 795 00:29:27,224 --> 00:29:29,465 because you it is most common in words 796 00:29:29,465 --> 00:29:30,505 like we. Right? Because it's 797 00:29:31,224 --> 00:29:33,865 it is talking about both people in some 798 00:29:33,865 --> 00:29:37,224 way. Just fucking capitalize w. Because if the 799 00:29:37,224 --> 00:29:39,539 dom is the dom, the powerful one, the 800 00:29:39,539 --> 00:29:42,420 one in charge, the then we're gonna know 801 00:29:42,420 --> 00:29:43,720 we means y'all. 802 00:29:44,179 --> 00:29:45,779 But even that would still be weird to 803 00:29:45,779 --> 00:29:47,940 read, I think. I think, you know, for 804 00:29:48,019 --> 00:29:50,099 I think I'm not the only person like 805 00:29:50,099 --> 00:29:51,480 this. I think I handle it. 806 00:29:52,099 --> 00:29:53,849 Like, I'm okay with it most the time. 807 00:29:53,849 --> 00:29:55,586 But for many readers, anything that kinda breaks 808 00:29:55,586 --> 00:29:57,322 your concentration as you're going or breaks your 809 00:29:57,322 --> 00:29:59,493 flow as you're reading Mhmm. And you have 810 00:29:59,493 --> 00:30:01,230 to go back over and go, what the 811 00:30:01,230 --> 00:30:03,401 hell did I just I can see that 812 00:30:03,401 --> 00:30:05,138 is a pet peeve. I mean, it's not 813 00:30:05,138 --> 00:30:07,630 a pet peeve of mine because I've gotten 814 00:30:07,630 --> 00:30:09,009 to a point where I kinda 815 00:30:09,869 --> 00:30:11,470 I would I would not do it. I 816 00:30:11,470 --> 00:30:13,789 don't think it's necessary, but other people do 817 00:30:13,789 --> 00:30:15,710 feel like it's necessary. And it's a personal 818 00:30:15,710 --> 00:30:17,884 choice, but I do a 100% understand why 819 00:30:17,884 --> 00:30:19,744 it would be a pet peeve. Yeah. 820 00:30:20,285 --> 00:30:20,785 Because 821 00:30:21,085 --> 00:30:23,244 as a reader, anything that breaks that flow 822 00:30:23,244 --> 00:30:24,465 of me reading something, 823 00:30:25,085 --> 00:30:27,265 and I it's a little bit like having, 824 00:30:27,325 --> 00:30:29,404 you know, a rock in your shoe. Right? 825 00:30:29,404 --> 00:30:30,845 Like, it's now the only thing you can 826 00:30:30,845 --> 00:30:33,140 fucking notice and feel. It's so I I 827 00:30:33,140 --> 00:30:35,539 get I a 100% get it. Okay. But 828 00:30:35,539 --> 00:30:37,299 I do think it goes back to being 829 00:30:37,299 --> 00:30:39,080 personal choice. Yes. Absolutely. 830 00:30:40,420 --> 00:30:43,140 And I also think people can be like 831 00:30:43,140 --> 00:30:45,620 like me and find your your personal happy 832 00:30:45,620 --> 00:30:47,434 medium where you don't have to follow. First 833 00:30:47,434 --> 00:30:49,295 of all, none of these conventions are required. 834 00:30:49,595 --> 00:30:51,434 But if they speak to you and you're 835 00:30:51,434 --> 00:30:53,194 like, yes. I would like to to use 836 00:30:53,194 --> 00:30:54,634 them in some way, you don't have to 837 00:30:54,634 --> 00:30:56,954 use all of them either. Like, I'm not 838 00:30:56,954 --> 00:30:59,214 gonna not capitalize my own name. 839 00:30:59,690 --> 00:31:02,190 That part of my brain that, you know, 840 00:31:02,250 --> 00:31:03,710 still remembers some grammar 841 00:31:04,650 --> 00:31:05,150 lessons, 842 00:31:06,009 --> 00:31:08,089 does not like that to be lowercase. Like, 843 00:31:08,089 --> 00:31:10,029 it just I don't nope. 844 00:31:12,234 --> 00:31:12,734 But, 845 00:31:13,514 --> 00:31:15,994 again, anybody can make their own personal choice 846 00:31:15,994 --> 00:31:17,694 about what they wanna do. Mhmm. 847 00:31:19,674 --> 00:31:20,174 So 848 00:31:20,634 --> 00:31:21,134 okay. 849 00:31:22,394 --> 00:31:24,154 Oh, lord. Somebody in the live chat mentioned 850 00:31:24,154 --> 00:31:25,375 being born in the nineteen 851 00:31:28,140 --> 00:31:29,819 hundreds. I don't wanna think about it. I 852 00:31:29,819 --> 00:31:32,000 already feel ancient. Okay. Here is 853 00:31:35,500 --> 00:31:37,339 another pet peeve somebody has. And it I 854 00:31:37,500 --> 00:31:38,700 you know what? I think it's a pet 855 00:31:38,700 --> 00:31:40,140 peeve of ours because we have a whole 856 00:31:40,140 --> 00:31:42,194 podcast dedicated to it. So I think they 857 00:31:42,194 --> 00:31:43,494 might agree with this one. 858 00:31:44,115 --> 00:31:46,595 And that is that when when people forget 859 00:31:46,674 --> 00:31:48,214 people in a power change forget 860 00:31:49,075 --> 00:31:51,794 that life happens and your dynamic or your 861 00:31:51,794 --> 00:31:52,294 kink 862 00:31:52,674 --> 00:31:55,575 might have to, like, adjust and shift. Whether 863 00:31:55,794 --> 00:31:57,750 you can't do that thing right at that 864 00:31:57,750 --> 00:31:58,250 moment 865 00:31:58,630 --> 00:31:59,130 or 866 00:31:59,750 --> 00:32:01,029 you kinda have to put that on the 867 00:32:01,029 --> 00:32:03,269 back burner to deal with the thing. I 868 00:32:03,509 --> 00:32:05,350 the example that came to my mind that 869 00:32:05,350 --> 00:32:06,950 is gonna get its own episode because I 870 00:32:06,950 --> 00:32:08,730 literally cannot stop thinking about it 871 00:32:09,029 --> 00:32:11,910 was that post that Reddit post where the 872 00:32:11,910 --> 00:32:13,184 dom was trying to figure out how he 873 00:32:13,184 --> 00:32:15,204 was going to they were gonna punish themselves 874 00:32:15,585 --> 00:32:17,904 for not maintaining the we're gonna fuck twice 875 00:32:17,904 --> 00:32:19,744 a week rule. Yeah. And I just kept 876 00:32:19,744 --> 00:32:22,325 going, but but doms get to say, like, 877 00:32:22,625 --> 00:32:24,164 there was a reason you didn't 878 00:32:24,784 --> 00:32:26,910 fuck. And they even said in that post, 879 00:32:26,910 --> 00:32:28,670 like, life got crazy, you know, this is 880 00:32:28,670 --> 00:32:30,750 not a thing I could do. And Life 881 00:32:30,750 --> 00:32:32,910 happens. And somebody in the dynamic wanted there 882 00:32:32,910 --> 00:32:33,890 to be consequences 883 00:32:34,190 --> 00:32:37,309 for that because life happens, the consequence and 884 00:32:37,309 --> 00:32:39,549 this is another personal choice. The consequence would 885 00:32:39,549 --> 00:32:42,029 be you do not communicate it. You know, 886 00:32:42,029 --> 00:32:44,894 you didn't manage with expectations are not managed. 887 00:32:44,894 --> 00:32:46,914 Something something. May maybe. Maybe. 888 00:32:47,375 --> 00:32:49,535 But the fact that your actual life that 889 00:32:49,535 --> 00:32:51,855 is not governed by your power exchange happened 890 00:32:51,855 --> 00:32:53,795 and fucked over your power exchange. 891 00:32:55,670 --> 00:32:58,150 What? Like, that that yeah. That is going 892 00:32:58,150 --> 00:33:00,329 to happen. We Mhmm. You know, 893 00:33:00,630 --> 00:33:01,130 if 894 00:33:01,990 --> 00:33:04,710 I think it's completely normal and natural and 895 00:33:04,710 --> 00:33:06,329 valid to be disappointed 896 00:33:07,269 --> 00:33:08,730 Sure. A 100%. 897 00:33:08,789 --> 00:33:09,930 A 100%. 898 00:33:10,964 --> 00:33:13,444 But if you let that disappointment rule you, 899 00:33:13,444 --> 00:33:16,085 you're going to be miserable because there are 900 00:33:16,085 --> 00:33:18,484 moments and times in life. There are eras 901 00:33:18,484 --> 00:33:19,464 in your life. 902 00:33:20,085 --> 00:33:22,325 Yeah. And you can't always predict them. Some 903 00:33:22,325 --> 00:33:24,140 you can. I promise you, any anybody who's 904 00:33:24,140 --> 00:33:24,153 pregnant and in a power exchange right now, 905 00:33:24,153 --> 00:33:24,404 that that baby comes, it's gonna be different 906 00:33:24,404 --> 00:33:24,904 for 907 00:33:30,289 --> 00:33:32,930 fucking is. That's just that's just life. That's 908 00:33:32,930 --> 00:33:36,690 just life. Somebody who's moving house, moving across 909 00:33:36,690 --> 00:33:39,585 the country, moving across an ocean, moving across 910 00:33:39,984 --> 00:33:42,005 continent. Even across the state. 911 00:33:42,704 --> 00:33:45,105 There's gonna be some stretch of time where 912 00:33:45,105 --> 00:33:47,105 what you think of as your normal for 913 00:33:47,105 --> 00:33:48,944 your kink life Mhmm. Will not be fucking 914 00:33:48,944 --> 00:33:52,384 happening. And there is nothing wrong with being 915 00:33:52,384 --> 00:33:53,825 like, oh, fuck. I hate that. Or I 916 00:33:53,825 --> 00:33:55,049 wish this was different. Or what do I 917 00:33:55,049 --> 00:33:56,330 have to do to make this not be 918 00:33:56,330 --> 00:33:57,870 this way? Or I feel 919 00:33:58,490 --> 00:33:58,990 negatively 920 00:33:59,370 --> 00:34:00,190 about this. 921 00:34:00,490 --> 00:34:02,430 But, man, if that's like 922 00:34:02,970 --> 00:34:05,450 if you either twist yourself in a notch 923 00:34:05,450 --> 00:34:07,454 to try to prevent that from ever happening, 924 00:34:08,335 --> 00:34:10,994 setting yourself up for disappointment and failure, 925 00:34:11,534 --> 00:34:12,434 or you 926 00:34:13,135 --> 00:34:14,894 let that weigh on you to the point 927 00:34:14,894 --> 00:34:15,875 that now 928 00:34:16,175 --> 00:34:16,914 you're just 929 00:34:17,855 --> 00:34:19,695 kind of a grumpy bitch all day every 930 00:34:19,695 --> 00:34:21,400 day until you get whatever you need in 931 00:34:21,400 --> 00:34:23,800 your kink life. Like, then everybody's miserable. And 932 00:34:23,800 --> 00:34:25,320 what are we doing? What are we doing? 933 00:34:25,320 --> 00:34:27,099 I think some level of acceptance 934 00:34:27,800 --> 00:34:29,800 that the other parts of your life will 935 00:34:29,800 --> 00:34:31,179 interfere with your kink life. 936 00:34:31,559 --> 00:34:31,800 We 937 00:34:32,440 --> 00:34:34,875 it's just it's just true. And it's one 938 00:34:34,875 --> 00:34:38,075 of the very few universals in kink. There's 939 00:34:38,235 --> 00:34:39,594 I don't think a lot of things are 940 00:34:39,594 --> 00:34:41,355 universal, but that is one I think that's 941 00:34:41,355 --> 00:34:44,155 universal. We know all too well Oh my 942 00:34:44,155 --> 00:34:46,554 god. Life be like, hold my beer. Right? 943 00:34:46,554 --> 00:34:48,394 Right? And you'd be thinking, oh, I'll get 944 00:34:48,394 --> 00:34:50,130 through this thing, and then we can go 945 00:34:50,130 --> 00:34:51,989 back to normal. And then life goes, 946 00:34:52,769 --> 00:34:54,150 hold on. You are too eager. 947 00:34:54,529 --> 00:34:56,369 Slow your fucking roll over there. I got 948 00:34:56,369 --> 00:34:57,589 something else for you. 949 00:34:58,289 --> 00:35:00,049 You know? And it on the other side, 950 00:35:00,049 --> 00:35:01,029 the people who 951 00:35:01,329 --> 00:35:04,385 have navigated hard times in their lives and 952 00:35:04,385 --> 00:35:06,545 maintained power change their kinklet Mhmm. Don't get 953 00:35:06,545 --> 00:35:08,244 too fucking smug. Okay? 954 00:35:08,704 --> 00:35:09,204 Because 955 00:35:10,224 --> 00:35:13,105 I I just I'm I'm I'm not a 956 00:35:13,105 --> 00:35:15,119 100% sure of a lot of things. I'm 957 00:35:15,200 --> 00:35:17,599 a 100% sure your time will come. There 958 00:35:17,599 --> 00:35:20,079 will be something that you cannot just power 959 00:35:20,240 --> 00:35:22,740 your your kink life, your power exchange can't 960 00:35:23,280 --> 00:35:25,280 swim along like, go along with it and 961 00:35:25,280 --> 00:35:26,960 be on top of it. Something will have 962 00:35:26,960 --> 00:35:29,200 to give. There will be some disappointment somewhere. 963 00:35:29,200 --> 00:35:30,180 There will be some 964 00:35:30,704 --> 00:35:32,864 compromise to what you normally do versus what 965 00:35:32,864 --> 00:35:34,385 you're gonna attempt to do to get through 966 00:35:34,385 --> 00:35:35,684 this moment in life. 967 00:35:36,385 --> 00:35:38,945 Quite frankly, those times are usually the some 968 00:35:38,945 --> 00:35:41,925 of the hardest times in life. Somebody's sick. 969 00:35:42,144 --> 00:35:45,285 Somebody dies. Right? Like, those kinds of moments 970 00:35:46,190 --> 00:35:48,670 are where I think most dynamics and key 971 00:35:48,670 --> 00:35:50,510 clients will kind of fall apart the most. 972 00:35:50,510 --> 00:35:52,829 At least temporarily until you get your bearings 973 00:35:52,829 --> 00:35:54,510 and go, okay. The thing this is my 974 00:35:54,510 --> 00:35:56,030 new normal. Mhmm. And then you adjust to 975 00:35:56,030 --> 00:35:57,250 your new normal. Right. 976 00:36:03,175 --> 00:36:05,914 Kink life to look exactly the same 977 00:36:06,454 --> 00:36:08,614 for your whole entire life. From the moment 978 00:36:08,614 --> 00:36:10,184 you figured out what works best for you 979 00:36:10,184 --> 00:36:10,385 for the next, what, fifty years of your 980 00:36:10,385 --> 00:36:10,860 life? I hope everybody lives to be over 981 00:36:12,860 --> 00:36:13,358 for the next, what, fifty years of your 982 00:36:13,358 --> 00:36:14,780 life. I hope everybody lives to be over 983 00:36:14,780 --> 00:36:15,760 a 100. Thanks. 984 00:36:16,220 --> 00:36:17,900 Unless I don't like you and then I 985 00:36:17,900 --> 00:36:19,280 don't hope that for you. But, 986 00:36:20,460 --> 00:36:22,300 your power exchange, your kink life, the things 987 00:36:22,300 --> 00:36:23,660 you do, the things you're capable of, the 988 00:36:23,660 --> 00:36:25,019 things you like, the things that fit with 989 00:36:25,019 --> 00:36:26,640 your life, they are going to 990 00:36:27,335 --> 00:36:28,635 adjust in some ways. 991 00:36:29,094 --> 00:36:31,094 It's not gonna be the exact same. It 992 00:36:31,094 --> 00:36:32,454 can't be. It just 993 00:36:33,414 --> 00:36:35,014 I don't say a lot of things with 994 00:36:35,014 --> 00:36:37,174 certainty, but that is just a thing I 995 00:36:37,174 --> 00:36:37,674 just 996 00:36:38,214 --> 00:36:39,989 fucking believe. Alright. 997 00:36:41,010 --> 00:36:42,769 So yeah. Just fucking accept the fact that 998 00:36:42,769 --> 00:36:44,070 life's gonna happen. Mhmm. 999 00:36:44,690 --> 00:36:46,710 I I have Life's gone to life. 1000 00:36:47,090 --> 00:36:48,930 I do have a lot of empathy for 1001 00:36:49,090 --> 00:36:51,329 they're typically newer folks. Either it's either a 1002 00:36:51,329 --> 00:36:53,090 brand new a newer power changer or they're 1003 00:36:53,090 --> 00:36:55,065 just new to kink who discover it the 1004 00:36:55,065 --> 00:36:57,164 hard way the first time. Yeah. Because 1005 00:36:57,945 --> 00:36:58,844 there's not 1006 00:36:59,385 --> 00:37:01,784 a lot out there in the bite sized 1007 00:37:01,784 --> 00:37:04,025 kind of pieces, the the TikToks of the 1008 00:37:04,025 --> 00:37:05,864 world and the tweets of the world Mhmm. 1009 00:37:05,945 --> 00:37:07,784 That will give you that nuance. And so 1010 00:37:07,784 --> 00:37:09,389 if you're trying to figure out your kink 1011 00:37:10,190 --> 00:37:12,269 life, you know, in quick easy ways or 1012 00:37:12,269 --> 00:37:13,809 you just get a surface level 1013 00:37:14,269 --> 00:37:17,389 understanding as you're diving in, you know, no. 1014 00:37:17,389 --> 00:37:19,469 Probably nobody is telling you that. I mean, 1015 00:37:19,469 --> 00:37:22,190 most newbies do are not necessarily willing to 1016 00:37:22,190 --> 00:37:24,635 listen up to ninety minutes of me Mhmm. 1017 00:37:24,795 --> 00:37:26,315 On the odd chance that one of the 1018 00:37:26,315 --> 00:37:26,815 sentences 1019 00:37:27,114 --> 00:37:28,175 will be no. No. No. 1020 00:37:28,474 --> 00:37:30,974 You didn't fail at Power Exchange. I promise. 1021 00:37:31,114 --> 00:37:31,594 Right. 1022 00:37:32,235 --> 00:37:33,914 And so I do have empathy for those 1023 00:37:33,914 --> 00:37:35,295 folks. Yeah. Because 1024 00:37:36,059 --> 00:37:38,059 if the if the kink world is not 1025 00:37:38,059 --> 00:37:40,140 giving you that message, and especially if you 1026 00:37:40,140 --> 00:37:41,820 were taking in those messages of there's a 1027 00:37:41,820 --> 00:37:44,460 true way or a real way Mhmm. And 1028 00:37:44,460 --> 00:37:44,960 now, 1029 00:37:45,420 --> 00:37:46,079 you know, 1030 00:37:46,460 --> 00:37:48,140 life is not letting you do the thing. 1031 00:37:48,140 --> 00:37:49,954 I see how people internalize that as Sure. 1032 00:37:50,035 --> 00:37:52,195 They're failing and not just a natural state 1033 00:37:52,195 --> 00:37:54,195 of being Oh, yeah. We all go through 1034 00:37:54,195 --> 00:37:55,094 in some way. 1035 00:37:56,275 --> 00:37:56,775 So 1036 00:37:57,715 --> 00:37:59,335 yeah. So I get it. 1037 00:38:00,275 --> 00:38:00,775 Okay. 1038 00:38:02,930 --> 00:38:05,030 I would say this falls under not healthy, 1039 00:38:05,809 --> 00:38:06,869 but I also 1040 00:38:07,170 --> 00:38:09,250 I I think it can classify as a 1041 00:38:09,250 --> 00:38:11,170 pet peeve because I think the definition of 1042 00:38:11,170 --> 00:38:13,430 this is a can be a little subjective. 1043 00:38:13,730 --> 00:38:15,890 K. Their pet peeve is treating people like 1044 00:38:15,890 --> 00:38:16,875 a kink dispenser. 1045 00:38:17,815 --> 00:38:19,015 I think it's a poor way to treat 1046 00:38:19,015 --> 00:38:20,535 people. Yeah. I don't think you you build 1047 00:38:20,535 --> 00:38:22,934 healthy relationships. Whether they are casual, they're long 1048 00:38:22,934 --> 00:38:25,255 term, they're romantic, they're sexual, or whatever kind 1049 00:38:25,414 --> 00:38:28,535 you don't build good solid relationships treating somebody 1050 00:38:28,535 --> 00:38:29,434 as a kink dispenser. 1051 00:38:30,215 --> 00:38:30,715 But 1052 00:38:31,260 --> 00:38:32,460 I think I could see it being a 1053 00:38:32,460 --> 00:38:34,140 pet peeve because people will fall into it. 1054 00:38:34,140 --> 00:38:36,300 Even well meaning people Sure. Who are like, 1055 00:38:36,300 --> 00:38:37,659 I, you know, I love and adore you 1056 00:38:37,659 --> 00:38:39,260 and we're gonna have this long relationship and 1057 00:38:39,260 --> 00:38:41,280 I, you know, whatever. But also can 1058 00:38:41,659 --> 00:38:43,280 hello. I'm gonna put in 1059 00:38:43,739 --> 00:38:46,775 the yes, daddy quarter. Can I please get 1060 00:38:46,775 --> 00:38:48,795 the give me the spanking I want 1061 00:38:49,094 --> 00:38:51,275 in the little plastic bubble? You know? 1062 00:38:51,815 --> 00:38:53,835 I wish it worked that way. Right? 1063 00:38:57,719 --> 00:38:59,559 So what do you think about that? No. 1064 00:38:59,559 --> 00:39:01,739 I I I I agree with that, 1065 00:39:02,199 --> 00:39:02,940 you know, 1066 00:39:03,400 --> 00:39:03,900 wholeheartedly. 1067 00:39:04,599 --> 00:39:06,940 And and that is something that 1068 00:39:07,559 --> 00:39:09,880 can happen on either side Mhmm. Of the 1069 00:39:09,880 --> 00:39:11,480 slash. Doesn't matter if you're the big d 1070 00:39:11,480 --> 00:39:12,380 or little s. 1071 00:39:12,764 --> 00:39:14,844 Either one can come across like that if 1072 00:39:15,085 --> 00:39:16,144 you know? So 1073 00:39:17,164 --> 00:39:18,844 I agree. And I think that I think 1074 00:39:18,844 --> 00:39:19,984 sometimes it's 1075 00:39:20,605 --> 00:39:21,424 it's selfishness 1076 00:39:21,724 --> 00:39:23,484 on a person's part. They don't actually care 1077 00:39:23,484 --> 00:39:25,244 about the other person. They're just trying to 1078 00:39:25,244 --> 00:39:26,489 get whatever they want, 1079 00:39:28,570 --> 00:39:28,754 and they'll Right. Treat a person however, treat 1080 00:39:28,754 --> 00:39:30,170 them like a kink dispenser to get their 1081 00:39:30,170 --> 00:39:30,670 wants. 1082 00:39:31,369 --> 00:39:32,889 And I you know, I think that's what 1083 00:39:32,889 --> 00:39:34,190 we see most often. 1084 00:39:34,489 --> 00:39:35,789 I can a 100% 1085 00:39:35,849 --> 00:39:36,750 see where 1086 00:39:37,130 --> 00:39:40,010 somebody is well meaning. They're not actually trying 1087 00:39:40,010 --> 00:39:41,574 to be an asshole asshole and will feel 1088 00:39:41,574 --> 00:39:43,675 bad once it's pointed out. Mhmm. 1089 00:39:44,375 --> 00:39:46,295 And they start maybe taking their partner for 1090 00:39:46,295 --> 00:39:46,795 granted. 1091 00:39:47,175 --> 00:39:48,695 And I can see this on both sides 1092 00:39:48,695 --> 00:39:50,454 of the slash because I think when we 1093 00:39:50,454 --> 00:39:53,015 say kink dispenser, most people think about doms 1094 00:39:53,015 --> 00:39:53,994 and tops who 1095 00:39:54,375 --> 00:39:57,320 often perform the kink thing. Mhmm. Give the 1096 00:39:57,320 --> 00:39:57,820 spanking, 1097 00:39:58,280 --> 00:39:59,660 tie the rope. Right? 1098 00:40:00,440 --> 00:40:03,079 And yeah. And or be the one in 1099 00:40:03,079 --> 00:40:03,980 control and 1100 00:40:04,599 --> 00:40:06,300 do the power and blah blah blah, whatever. 1101 00:40:06,519 --> 00:40:08,519 But I think that if we think about 1102 00:40:08,519 --> 00:40:10,855 kink as that big ass umbrella term, 1103 00:40:11,234 --> 00:40:12,994 I think submissives can be treated like kink 1104 00:40:12,994 --> 00:40:15,635 dispensers. Not just in the you're going to 1105 00:40:15,635 --> 00:40:17,155 do what I say because I'm the dom 1106 00:40:17,155 --> 00:40:18,114 and I get to do what I want. 1107 00:40:18,114 --> 00:40:20,594 Like, the the what can very well lead 1108 00:40:20,594 --> 00:40:21,094 to 1109 00:40:22,050 --> 00:40:24,289 abuse if it's not just automatically abusing. Like, 1110 00:40:24,289 --> 00:40:26,690 it yeah. That's nope. That can that can 1111 00:40:26,690 --> 00:40:28,930 happen, and that's not good. But I also 1112 00:40:28,930 --> 00:40:32,050 see where from a the submissive side being 1113 00:40:32,050 --> 00:40:34,304 treated like a kink dispenser, I think about 1114 00:40:34,304 --> 00:40:36,244 service subs, and I think about, 1115 00:40:38,144 --> 00:40:38,964 subs who 1116 00:40:39,264 --> 00:40:40,945 do what they're told, whether it's through an 1117 00:40:40,945 --> 00:40:42,385 act of service or it's just that's part 1118 00:40:42,385 --> 00:40:44,085 of the power exchange and they 1119 00:40:44,385 --> 00:40:45,664 Dom tells them to do a thing and 1120 00:40:45,664 --> 00:40:46,724 they do the thing. 1121 00:40:47,025 --> 00:40:47,525 And 1122 00:40:48,065 --> 00:40:50,010 when those types of subs get taken for 1123 00:40:50,010 --> 00:40:50,510 granted, 1124 00:40:52,250 --> 00:40:54,170 it's not the way we typically think of 1125 00:40:54,170 --> 00:40:56,170 treating somebody like a kink dispenser, but you 1126 00:40:56,170 --> 00:40:58,570 are. If you are utilizing their service and 1127 00:40:58,570 --> 00:41:00,190 their submission to your benefit 1128 00:41:00,489 --> 00:41:03,530 and you're not appreciating them, you're not thinking 1129 00:41:03,530 --> 00:41:05,655 about their needs, you have forgotten that, you 1130 00:41:05,655 --> 00:41:06,155 know, 1131 00:41:06,535 --> 00:41:08,135 maybe I need to back off, maybe, you 1132 00:41:08,135 --> 00:41:10,215 know, like, whatever. Let me check-in with this 1133 00:41:10,215 --> 00:41:11,655 person, make sure they're still good with all 1134 00:41:11,655 --> 00:41:13,574 these things, blah blah blah blah. I think 1135 00:41:13,574 --> 00:41:15,175 that is another way that people can be 1136 00:41:15,175 --> 00:41:17,275 treated like kink dispensers now. So missus, 1137 00:41:17,815 --> 00:41:19,974 if this is you, I will remind you, 1138 00:41:19,974 --> 00:41:22,109 you have agency and you get to self 1139 00:41:22,109 --> 00:41:23,630 advocate and you get to go, hey. I 1140 00:41:23,630 --> 00:41:25,230 feel like I'm being taken for granted over 1141 00:41:25,230 --> 00:41:26,989 here and something needs to be a little 1142 00:41:26,989 --> 00:41:28,909 different. And you get to have that conversation. 1143 00:41:28,909 --> 00:41:30,289 You get to bring it up. 1144 00:41:31,069 --> 00:41:33,150 But, yeah, I I when I hear people 1145 00:41:33,150 --> 00:41:33,889 talking about 1146 00:41:34,909 --> 00:41:36,664 being treated as a kink most 1147 00:41:37,125 --> 00:41:39,605 of the things I I personally see, obviously, 1148 00:41:39,605 --> 00:41:41,465 it's not all the conversations of the planet. 1149 00:41:42,164 --> 00:41:43,224 It's typically 1150 00:41:43,844 --> 00:41:45,765 the submissives who and that's 1151 00:41:46,485 --> 00:41:48,505 I I see it in femdom spaces 1152 00:41:48,885 --> 00:41:49,385 where, 1153 00:41:50,565 --> 00:41:52,440 doms are talking about male submissives who just 1154 00:41:52,440 --> 00:41:54,280 send them their laundry list of things. This 1155 00:41:54,280 --> 00:41:55,559 is what I'll do for you. This is 1156 00:41:55,559 --> 00:41:57,400 how I'll submit. There's been no conversation. They're 1157 00:41:57,400 --> 00:41:57,900 like, 1158 00:41:58,519 --> 00:42:00,280 you're treating me like a king dispenser. I'm 1159 00:42:00,280 --> 00:42:01,880 just supposed to check this off your list 1160 00:42:01,880 --> 00:42:03,639 and that makes that doesn't make me your 1161 00:42:03,639 --> 00:42:04,380 dom. Right? 1162 00:42:06,280 --> 00:42:08,255 So I would say it's actually an unhealthy 1163 00:42:08,635 --> 00:42:11,194 thing that can become abusive even if that's 1164 00:42:11,194 --> 00:42:12,014 not the intention. 1165 00:42:12,875 --> 00:42:15,594 But that attitude of treating people that way 1166 00:42:15,594 --> 00:42:17,375 is yeah. Of course, it's a pet peeve. 1167 00:42:17,514 --> 00:42:20,315 Because it's it's, you know, it's in some 1168 00:42:20,315 --> 00:42:21,295 ways, it's nonconsensual. 1169 00:42:22,219 --> 00:42:24,219 Sure. I think on a maybe not in 1170 00:42:24,219 --> 00:42:24,719 the 1171 00:42:25,659 --> 00:42:27,819 scary abusive way we think about non you 1172 00:42:27,819 --> 00:42:29,119 know, somebody not 1173 00:42:30,699 --> 00:42:33,119 respecting consent. What are words? I don't know. 1174 00:42:34,864 --> 00:42:35,364 But 1175 00:42:36,144 --> 00:42:36,644 so 1176 00:42:37,505 --> 00:42:39,025 on that side, it would not make a 1177 00:42:39,025 --> 00:42:41,184 pet it's not just a pet peeve, but 1178 00:42:41,184 --> 00:42:42,464 just the fact that there are people out 1179 00:42:42,464 --> 00:42:44,385 there who think so much about what they 1180 00:42:44,385 --> 00:42:44,885 want 1181 00:42:45,344 --> 00:42:45,844 Mhmm. 1182 00:42:46,304 --> 00:42:48,650 To the to the exclusion of thinking about 1183 00:42:48,650 --> 00:42:50,509 what their partner needs. Right. 1184 00:42:52,889 --> 00:42:54,809 Yes. Yes. And I I think it happens 1185 00:42:54,809 --> 00:42:57,289 in more subtle ways than people realize. True. 1186 00:42:57,289 --> 00:42:59,449 And we see those big flashy, like, here's 1187 00:42:59,449 --> 00:43:01,364 my laundry list of ways I'll submit, 1188 00:43:02,324 --> 00:43:03,704 check yes or no. Right? 1189 00:43:05,125 --> 00:43:07,204 Versus the more quiet. You wanna you wanna 1190 00:43:07,204 --> 00:43:08,565 see some of that, read some of the 1191 00:43:08,565 --> 00:43:09,284 comments in, 1192 00:43:09,844 --> 00:43:10,164 FET 1193 00:43:10,885 --> 00:43:13,385 pictures and writings and stuff. Oh my god. 1194 00:43:13,445 --> 00:43:14,264 Yeah. The 1195 00:43:16,809 --> 00:43:18,889 the DMs. Thankfully, I don't get them a 1196 00:43:18,889 --> 00:43:20,989 lot anymore. I'm very quiet on FetLife. 1197 00:43:21,609 --> 00:43:23,049 But when I was a little bit more 1198 00:43:23,049 --> 00:43:24,969 active and a little bit more round and 1199 00:43:25,049 --> 00:43:26,650 oh my god. And I was like, look, 1200 00:43:26,650 --> 00:43:28,569 you didn't even read the bio because I'm 1201 00:43:28,569 --> 00:43:30,589 the wrong one to be sending this to 1202 00:43:30,969 --> 00:43:33,234 to begin with. And yet the, 1203 00:43:33,635 --> 00:43:35,795 so called doms, the air quote doms that 1204 00:43:35,795 --> 00:43:37,795 send the, I am your master now. You 1205 00:43:37,795 --> 00:43:39,394 will kneel for me. I am not your 1206 00:43:39,394 --> 00:43:41,894 king dispenser either. You know what I mean? 1207 00:43:41,954 --> 00:43:44,034 Not any sub, not your sub. Mhmm. And 1208 00:43:44,034 --> 00:43:46,180 I think that goes along with that concept 1209 00:43:46,180 --> 00:43:46,840 as well. 1210 00:43:48,019 --> 00:43:50,340 Okay. This one I added at the end 1211 00:43:50,340 --> 00:43:52,599 because there might be an episode in this 1212 00:43:52,820 --> 00:43:54,980 and I've seen a couple, like, back and 1213 00:43:54,980 --> 00:43:55,480 forths 1214 00:43:56,180 --> 00:43:58,760 on the Internet and people talking in comments 1215 00:43:58,894 --> 00:44:00,275 and so it came to mind. 1216 00:44:00,734 --> 00:44:03,394 And that's treating your kinky wants 1217 00:44:04,255 --> 00:44:06,815 the same as your kinky needs. You're nice 1218 00:44:06,815 --> 00:44:08,894 to haves. You're this would this would make 1219 00:44:08,894 --> 00:44:10,194 me feel good, but I don't 1220 00:44:10,494 --> 00:44:13,679 need it. Yeah. Now I think somebody can 1221 00:44:13,679 --> 00:44:14,339 make an 1222 00:44:14,800 --> 00:44:16,900 argument that we don't none of us actually 1223 00:44:16,960 --> 00:44:18,019 need kink. 1224 00:44:19,199 --> 00:44:21,300 Like, it's not it's not what, you know, 1225 00:44:21,440 --> 00:44:23,380 food, shelter, water, 1226 00:44:24,239 --> 00:44:24,980 air conditioning. 1227 00:44:25,835 --> 00:44:27,835 Right. Or you eat depending where you live. 1228 00:44:27,835 --> 00:44:28,974 Those are needs. 1229 00:44:29,355 --> 00:44:32,154 And I, you know, a reasonable person would 1230 00:44:32,154 --> 00:44:34,074 say kink is not a need. Those of 1231 00:44:34,074 --> 00:44:36,255 us who know that we are hap happier 1232 00:44:36,554 --> 00:44:38,789 and we function better Mhmm. And life 1233 00:44:40,469 --> 00:44:43,110 is better on some levels, relationships are better 1234 00:44:43,110 --> 00:44:45,030 on some levels, who would say, no. No. 1235 00:44:45,030 --> 00:44:47,590 I know I need kink. That's that's who 1236 00:44:47,590 --> 00:44:48,949 I'm talking to and who will get this. 1237 00:44:48,949 --> 00:44:51,510 Okay? So yes. Yes. Yes. I understand. No. 1238 00:44:51,510 --> 00:44:53,670 It's not a a thing that you need 1239 00:44:53,670 --> 00:44:55,804 to, you know, continue to breathe and move 1240 00:44:55,804 --> 00:44:57,105 through the world. However, 1241 00:44:57,804 --> 00:45:00,065 for happiness and wholeness and 1242 00:45:00,444 --> 00:45:02,684 satisfaction of life, there are those of us 1243 00:45:02,684 --> 00:45:04,784 who would say we need it. Right? I 1244 00:45:04,844 --> 00:45:06,844 do better in a relationship when I am 1245 00:45:06,844 --> 00:45:07,344 the 1246 00:45:20,304 --> 00:45:22,485 see I have seen a few times recently 1247 00:45:23,105 --> 00:45:25,284 where people are talking about their wants and 1248 00:45:25,425 --> 00:45:27,585 how we define our wants and our needs 1249 00:45:27,585 --> 00:45:28,405 are, again, 1250 00:45:28,704 --> 00:45:29,605 very individual, 1251 00:45:29,905 --> 00:45:31,284 very unique to the person. 1252 00:45:32,224 --> 00:45:34,309 But it I think it goes back to 1253 00:45:34,309 --> 00:45:35,449 that damn post 1254 00:45:35,909 --> 00:45:38,710 about punishing a dom for not fucking them 1255 00:45:38,710 --> 00:45:39,769 twice in a week. 1256 00:45:40,309 --> 00:45:42,650 You wanted to have sex twice a week. 1257 00:45:42,789 --> 00:45:45,289 Yeah. That's not the same as 1258 00:45:45,750 --> 00:45:46,155 the need 1259 00:45:47,355 --> 00:45:50,015 to get enough sleep at night to maintain 1260 00:45:50,394 --> 00:45:52,335 some kind of order so you can function, 1261 00:45:52,635 --> 00:45:54,795 keep yourself, you know, your mental health in, 1262 00:45:54,795 --> 00:45:57,295 hopefully, a stable place. Right? 1263 00:45:58,829 --> 00:46:00,829 And I do think people conflate their kink 1264 00:46:00,829 --> 00:46:03,010 wants with their kink needs, you know. 1265 00:46:04,110 --> 00:46:06,670 Or they think everything they want is a 1266 00:46:06,670 --> 00:46:08,510 need. And Mhmm. I go back to when 1267 00:46:08,510 --> 00:46:09,489 we did the, 1268 00:46:10,989 --> 00:46:13,869 the take on hierarchy Hierarchy needs. Yes. Kink 1269 00:46:13,869 --> 00:46:16,144 needs. Like, what I need to 1270 00:46:17,325 --> 00:46:19,724 be settled and comfortable and willing to do 1271 00:46:19,724 --> 00:46:21,025 the hard work of a relationship 1272 00:46:21,485 --> 00:46:22,785 is the power exchange. 1273 00:46:23,965 --> 00:46:26,125 I'm you know, I could maybe I'm a 1274 00:46:26,125 --> 00:46:27,885 little flexible on the flavor of the power 1275 00:46:27,885 --> 00:46:29,369 exchange because it's unique to the individual. Right? 1276 00:46:30,970 --> 00:46:32,590 The other things, the spankings, 1277 00:46:33,050 --> 00:46:35,150 the thuddy impact, the 1278 00:46:35,769 --> 00:46:38,030 wax play, the this, the that. 1279 00:46:38,650 --> 00:46:41,050 Those are things I I want them. I 1280 00:46:41,050 --> 00:46:42,675 want them. I miss them when I don't 1281 00:46:42,755 --> 00:46:43,414 have them. 1282 00:46:44,035 --> 00:46:47,015 But I don't those aren't I don't personally 1283 00:46:47,235 --> 00:46:49,574 need those things in order to 1284 00:46:50,515 --> 00:46:51,015 feel 1285 00:46:51,715 --> 00:46:53,655 comfortable and confident in my relationship. 1286 00:46:54,035 --> 00:46:56,440 To feel like I'm living now let's be 1287 00:46:56,440 --> 00:46:59,160 clear. Everybody gets to define their needs and 1288 00:46:59,160 --> 00:47:00,300 their wants. Yeah. 1289 00:47:00,679 --> 00:47:03,079 It's it's gonna be different for everybody. Else 1290 00:47:03,079 --> 00:47:05,420 is like, no. But I have to have 1291 00:47:05,480 --> 00:47:07,239 impact play or it is not a good 1292 00:47:07,239 --> 00:47:08,460 relationship to me, 1293 00:47:09,085 --> 00:47:10,684 then I'm a sure. That you get to 1294 00:47:10,684 --> 00:47:12,625 label that in need. Yeah. But 1295 00:47:13,005 --> 00:47:15,164 I just the way I've seen people talking 1296 00:47:15,164 --> 00:47:17,025 about it, I'm like, no. 1297 00:47:18,445 --> 00:47:19,344 It's either 1298 00:47:20,045 --> 00:47:22,285 and you're conflating an, 1299 00:47:22,605 --> 00:47:24,909 a want with a need or we've got 1300 00:47:24,909 --> 00:47:27,230 a major incompatibility and your needs are not 1301 00:47:27,230 --> 00:47:30,510 matching your partner's needs. And your your partner 1302 00:47:30,510 --> 00:47:32,130 can't give you what you need 1303 00:47:32,429 --> 00:47:33,489 can't give you what 1304 00:47:34,269 --> 00:47:36,610 you need when it comes to them across 1305 00:47:36,844 --> 00:47:38,924 them as a want. Yeah. You know? Well, 1306 00:47:38,924 --> 00:47:40,304 you you have to be able 1307 00:47:41,005 --> 00:47:43,565 to meet Mhmm. Somewhere in the middle. And 1308 00:47:43,565 --> 00:47:45,344 I I also think there's a lot 1309 00:47:46,684 --> 00:47:49,105 of nuance there because I think that 1310 00:47:51,070 --> 00:47:53,150 people could you know, the definition between want 1311 00:47:53,150 --> 00:47:55,010 and need can be very narrow, 1312 00:47:55,389 --> 00:47:58,289 you know. Mhmm. And I don't think people 1313 00:47:58,429 --> 00:47:59,809 are should be required 1314 00:48:01,710 --> 00:48:03,505 to sit around and, like, try to drop 1315 00:48:03,505 --> 00:48:05,025 their list of what what are my needs, 1316 00:48:05,025 --> 00:48:06,945 what are my wants. But I would recommend 1317 00:48:06,945 --> 00:48:10,465 thinking about what you, you your basic needs 1318 00:48:10,465 --> 00:48:12,385 for your kink life Mhmm. That are gonna 1319 00:48:12,385 --> 00:48:14,224 help you feel like you can, like you're 1320 00:48:14,224 --> 00:48:16,289 living the life you wanna live and life's 1321 00:48:16,289 --> 00:48:18,610 not all terrible. I think it's important to 1322 00:48:18,610 --> 00:48:20,450 maybe know those to have an idea of 1323 00:48:20,450 --> 00:48:21,829 what those are. Mhmm. 1324 00:48:22,369 --> 00:48:22,869 But, 1325 00:48:23,170 --> 00:48:23,829 you know, 1326 00:48:24,769 --> 00:48:27,269 I just I see some folks and I 1327 00:48:29,184 --> 00:48:30,704 this is me being a bitch. And I 1328 00:48:30,704 --> 00:48:32,144 know it's me being a bitch because I 1329 00:48:32,144 --> 00:48:34,244 cannot possibly know their individual 1330 00:48:35,505 --> 00:48:37,744 feelings on how deeply they feel like they 1331 00:48:37,744 --> 00:48:39,585 need these things. But I have seen some 1332 00:48:39,585 --> 00:48:42,519 folks talking about some very superficial things 1333 00:48:43,219 --> 00:48:43,719 that 1334 00:48:44,340 --> 00:48:46,199 and they were speaking about it superficially. 1335 00:48:46,659 --> 00:48:48,659 So that got to be my assumption that 1336 00:48:48,659 --> 00:48:50,440 it was a a superficial thing 1337 00:48:52,099 --> 00:48:52,840 that were, 1338 00:48:53,219 --> 00:48:53,960 you know, 1339 00:48:54,934 --> 00:48:56,795 more important than a partner's 1340 00:48:57,974 --> 00:49:00,315 individual needs. And I think that I 1341 00:49:00,855 --> 00:49:02,614 I think it goes back to sometimes your 1342 00:49:02,614 --> 00:49:04,135 power exchange or your kink life will take 1343 00:49:04,135 --> 00:49:06,454 a back seat to something else going on 1344 00:49:06,454 --> 00:49:07,514 in your life. Right? 1345 00:49:09,800 --> 00:49:12,039 So and maybe it's, you know, not a 1346 00:49:12,039 --> 00:49:14,519 kink need versus a kink want, but your 1347 00:49:14,519 --> 00:49:15,500 kink wants 1348 00:49:15,800 --> 00:49:16,300 versus 1349 00:49:16,679 --> 00:49:18,599 what you need as a human being. Like, 1350 00:49:18,599 --> 00:49:19,340 there are 1351 00:49:20,199 --> 00:49:21,820 there are times when 1352 00:49:22,635 --> 00:49:24,954 I want a spanking. I would kill for 1353 00:49:24,954 --> 00:49:26,894 a spanking. JB is, like, 1354 00:49:28,875 --> 00:49:30,815 has broken out in a cold sweat 1355 00:49:31,114 --> 00:49:33,675 and can't hold food down. I don't think 1356 00:49:33,675 --> 00:49:35,454 I should be over there fucking demanding 1357 00:49:36,410 --> 00:49:37,070 a spanking 1358 00:49:37,369 --> 00:49:38,590 that I can definitely 1359 00:49:38,970 --> 00:49:39,789 live without. 1360 00:49:40,090 --> 00:49:40,910 Say what? 1361 00:49:41,769 --> 00:49:43,369 Those kinds of things. Thank you. You know, 1362 00:49:43,369 --> 00:49:44,970 and I think there's I think there's a 1363 00:49:44,970 --> 00:49:46,110 certain amount of selfishness 1364 00:49:46,410 --> 00:49:48,010 on the part of a person who will 1365 00:49:48,010 --> 00:49:48,510 ignore 1366 00:49:50,170 --> 00:49:51,965 something to that level. Like, I was Mhmm. 1367 00:49:52,045 --> 00:49:53,025 Probably an extreme, 1368 00:49:53,405 --> 00:49:55,644 you know, example, but I think that those 1369 00:49:55,644 --> 00:49:57,485 kinds of things happen. Somebody's like, I'm I 1370 00:49:57,485 --> 00:49:59,885 just got fired at my job, and my 1371 00:49:59,885 --> 00:50:00,385 dog 1372 00:50:00,844 --> 00:50:02,445 ran away. I won't say what I almost 1373 00:50:02,445 --> 00:50:02,945 said. 1374 00:50:03,885 --> 00:50:06,224 And, you know, my rent went up. 1375 00:50:06,719 --> 00:50:08,079 So I'm not really in the mood to 1376 00:50:08,079 --> 00:50:10,159 do that scene tonight. Right? And the other 1377 00:50:10,159 --> 00:50:12,480 person's like, but I need this scene and 1378 00:50:12,480 --> 00:50:15,119 you are awful for not giving me because 1379 00:50:15,119 --> 00:50:16,559 that was kind of the conversations I was 1380 00:50:16,559 --> 00:50:18,000 saying is people are awful for not giving 1381 00:50:18,000 --> 00:50:20,494 me into my kinky needs. They're not meeting 1382 00:50:20,494 --> 00:50:22,175 my kinky needs. But then part of the 1383 00:50:22,175 --> 00:50:24,655 conversation is like, yeah. But they couldn't fucking 1384 00:50:24,655 --> 00:50:25,155 possibly. 1385 00:50:25,775 --> 00:50:28,655 Like, what are we doing? You know? Why 1386 00:50:28,655 --> 00:50:29,155 not? 1387 00:50:30,414 --> 00:50:31,650 I think I need to stop, 1388 00:50:32,049 --> 00:50:33,730 reading certain parts of the Internet is what 1389 00:50:33,730 --> 00:50:36,309 I really think needs to happen. Yeah. 1390 00:50:37,250 --> 00:50:38,309 So Yeah. 1391 00:50:39,809 --> 00:50:41,029 Oh my gosh. 1392 00:50:43,809 --> 00:50:45,329 So I'm I'd like to throw one in. 1393 00:50:45,329 --> 00:50:46,869 Oh, please do. Okay. 1394 00:50:47,635 --> 00:50:49,015 I'm gonna break you. 1395 00:50:49,635 --> 00:50:51,474 I don't like that one either. I don't 1396 00:50:51,474 --> 00:50:53,315 like that one. I'm gonna break you and 1397 00:50:53,315 --> 00:50:55,555 build you up into what I want. You 1398 00:50:55,555 --> 00:50:57,715 know, and they're early Why I didn't I 1399 00:50:57,715 --> 00:50:58,515 don't know. I don't know why you did 1400 00:50:58,515 --> 00:50:59,815 the voice either, but it's fine. 1401 00:51:00,275 --> 00:51:03,170 Early days in my kink journey. Yeah. And 1402 00:51:03,170 --> 00:51:04,789 some shit I've read 1403 00:51:05,170 --> 00:51:06,630 where that's kind of the vibe. 1404 00:51:07,409 --> 00:51:10,049 Sexy as hell thought, yeah. And now that 1405 00:51:10,049 --> 00:51:11,809 I know some shit and I know myself 1406 00:51:11,809 --> 00:51:12,309 better, 1407 00:51:12,929 --> 00:51:14,449 the thing I see people say I'm gonna 1408 00:51:14,449 --> 00:51:16,125 break you down. I'm always like, what does 1409 00:51:16,125 --> 00:51:17,804 that mean? What are you going to do? 1410 00:51:17,804 --> 00:51:21,085 And I actually DNF'd a book for for 1411 00:51:21,085 --> 00:51:23,184 several reasons. They're kink stuff. 1412 00:51:23,485 --> 00:51:26,445 I'll complain about that maybe in maybe later. 1413 00:51:26,445 --> 00:51:27,900 I don't know. Because I need to bitch 1414 00:51:27,980 --> 00:51:29,739 I need to bitch to somebody other than 1415 00:51:29,739 --> 00:51:31,599 JB about that. Thank you. 1416 00:51:33,819 --> 00:51:35,679 But he already went through it. So, 1417 00:51:38,699 --> 00:51:38,859 they 1418 00:51:39,659 --> 00:51:41,039 you know, my my nowadays, 1419 00:51:41,420 --> 00:51:43,244 my next question is what do you mean 1420 00:51:43,244 --> 00:51:45,505 by that? And the book that I DNF'd 1421 00:51:45,724 --> 00:51:47,744 that should have been a great power exchange 1422 00:51:47,885 --> 00:51:50,144 kink book. Like, I was excited for it. 1423 00:51:50,844 --> 00:51:52,545 The way it was presented 1424 00:51:52,925 --> 00:51:55,425 from the perspective of this Dom 1425 00:51:56,364 --> 00:51:59,539 sounded like and looked like abuse. And I 1426 00:51:59,539 --> 00:52:00,039 went, 1427 00:52:00,739 --> 00:52:02,519 nope. Yep. Nope. 1428 00:52:02,900 --> 00:52:04,260 First of all, why do we have to 1429 00:52:04,260 --> 00:52:07,480 reduce somebody to their lowest point 1430 00:52:08,099 --> 00:52:09,795 Right. To think we're gonna 1431 00:52:10,434 --> 00:52:12,514 create build them back up to be healthier. 1432 00:52:12,514 --> 00:52:15,174 What you fucking done is maybe traumatize somebody. 1433 00:52:15,635 --> 00:52:18,214 Yeah. I you know, somebody somebody I knew 1434 00:52:18,275 --> 00:52:19,414 early early on, 1435 00:52:20,034 --> 00:52:21,974 had been talking with with Adom, 1436 00:52:23,880 --> 00:52:26,699 and they were actually going along 1437 00:52:27,159 --> 00:52:28,539 fairly well. Mhmm. 1438 00:52:29,079 --> 00:52:30,539 And then he 1439 00:52:31,079 --> 00:52:32,299 told this person, 1440 00:52:32,920 --> 00:52:35,744 well, I I'm gonna break you, and you 1441 00:52:35,744 --> 00:52:37,424 will not have contact with your family. You 1442 00:52:37,424 --> 00:52:39,184 won't have contact with your friends. I'm gonna 1443 00:52:39,184 --> 00:52:40,704 break you down and and build you back 1444 00:52:40,704 --> 00:52:42,864 up into what I want. And the thing 1445 00:52:42,864 --> 00:52:44,804 that the thing that gets me about that 1446 00:52:45,025 --> 00:52:45,764 is that 1447 00:52:46,065 --> 00:52:46,565 sounds 1448 00:52:48,784 --> 00:52:50,324 just as similar as saying, 1449 00:52:52,199 --> 00:52:53,179 I love you, 1450 00:52:54,199 --> 00:52:56,039 but I want you to change. Right. I 1451 00:52:56,039 --> 00:52:57,079 don't like you the way you are right 1452 00:52:57,079 --> 00:52:57,900 now. Yeah. Mhmm. 1453 00:52:58,199 --> 00:52:58,699 Okay. 1454 00:52:59,000 --> 00:52:59,900 You know, that 1455 00:53:00,440 --> 00:53:01,980 I know. Because, you know, 1456 00:53:02,519 --> 00:53:03,420 the sentiment 1457 00:53:03,880 --> 00:53:05,639 if we're not talking about, like, the actual, 1458 00:53:05,639 --> 00:53:06,655 like, what the fuck do you mean and 1459 00:53:06,655 --> 00:53:08,894 here's what it sounds like. The sentiment would 1460 00:53:08,894 --> 00:53:10,974 make sense to me if they if, Dom 1461 00:53:10,974 --> 00:53:13,135 is telling me I'm gonna challenge you. Right? 1462 00:53:13,135 --> 00:53:15,934 I'm gonna I'm go we're gonna, like We're 1463 00:53:15,934 --> 00:53:18,595 gonna push boundaries. We're we're gonna your preconceived 1464 00:53:18,655 --> 00:53:21,615 notion. Yeah. I'm gonna because this this topic 1465 00:53:21,615 --> 00:53:22,079 is coming. 1466 00:53:22,960 --> 00:53:24,160 And we've kinda talked about it in the 1467 00:53:24,160 --> 00:53:25,460 past, like, years ago. 1468 00:53:26,239 --> 00:53:27,219 The discomfort 1469 00:53:27,680 --> 00:53:29,619 of being a person who you know 1470 00:53:30,079 --> 00:53:31,760 you can make your own fucking decisions, but 1471 00:53:31,760 --> 00:53:33,599 here you are in this submissive role and 1472 00:53:33,599 --> 00:53:35,840 you're done telling you no, not letting you 1473 00:53:35,840 --> 00:53:37,704 do what's in. Telling, you know, telling you 1474 00:53:37,704 --> 00:53:39,464 that and you're agreeing to it. Like, you're 1475 00:53:39,464 --> 00:53:41,704 consenting. Like, there's a rule that goes against 1476 00:53:41,704 --> 00:53:43,464 how what you used to do or what 1477 00:53:43,464 --> 00:53:45,545 you would normally do. And there is an 1478 00:53:45,545 --> 00:53:46,045 inherent 1479 00:53:46,585 --> 00:53:49,065 discomfort in that, and only you as the 1480 00:53:49,065 --> 00:53:51,704 individual get to decide, do I wanna see 1481 00:53:51,704 --> 00:53:53,849 this? Is this discomfort at a level where 1482 00:53:53,849 --> 00:53:55,530 I'm willing to see it through and see 1483 00:53:55,530 --> 00:53:56,809 what it feels like on the other side 1484 00:53:56,809 --> 00:53:58,089 of it? Or is this too much and 1485 00:53:58,089 --> 00:53:59,949 I can't? I gotta nope out. 1486 00:54:00,969 --> 00:54:02,109 Challenging somebody, 1487 00:54:03,130 --> 00:54:05,050 especially on their preconceived notions of what they 1488 00:54:05,050 --> 00:54:06,695 think it means to be a 1489 00:54:07,115 --> 00:54:07,615 submissive 1490 00:54:08,035 --> 00:54:09,574 or challenging them to try 1491 00:54:09,875 --> 00:54:11,155 to make them, you know, be a better 1492 00:54:11,155 --> 00:54:13,394 submissive. That's so subjective. What do we even 1493 00:54:13,394 --> 00:54:14,454 fucking mean by that? 1494 00:54:15,394 --> 00:54:16,215 Okay. But 1495 00:54:17,715 --> 00:54:19,494 everybody I've ever heard 1496 00:54:19,795 --> 00:54:22,170 outside of some, like, fuckery fantasy 1497 00:54:22,789 --> 00:54:24,469 that the vibes were right and so I 1498 00:54:24,469 --> 00:54:25,289 didn't cringe. 1499 00:54:25,909 --> 00:54:27,510 Every time I've ever heard that, it I 1500 00:54:27,590 --> 00:54:29,050 my question is what what 1501 00:54:29,750 --> 00:54:31,750 why does that sound like you are about 1502 00:54:31,750 --> 00:54:34,070 to just bully and abuse another human being 1503 00:54:34,389 --> 00:54:36,170 Yeah. To then what? 1504 00:54:36,605 --> 00:54:39,324 Have them so dependent on you. Of course, 1505 00:54:39,324 --> 00:54:41,085 they're gonna be a great submissive because they're 1506 00:54:41,085 --> 00:54:44,385 fucking traumatized and scared and Yeah. You know? 1507 00:54:44,684 --> 00:54:47,324 Mhmm. No. I'm with you. I don't like 1508 00:54:47,324 --> 00:54:49,380 that. I don't like that at 1509 00:54:49,940 --> 00:54:50,440 all. 1510 00:54:51,940 --> 00:54:53,779 A caveat being, yes. There was a time 1511 00:54:53,779 --> 00:54:56,579 I found that sexy. And I would love 1512 00:54:56,579 --> 00:54:57,480 to come across 1513 00:54:58,579 --> 00:54:59,079 content, 1514 00:55:00,339 --> 00:55:01,799 real life or fiction, 1515 00:55:02,500 --> 00:55:03,799 where that was presented 1516 00:55:04,099 --> 00:55:06,385 and we were shown what the fuck that 1517 00:55:06,385 --> 00:55:08,484 meant Mhmm. And it didn't 1518 00:55:09,344 --> 00:55:11,344 didn't didn't come across as abusive. And it 1519 00:55:11,344 --> 00:55:13,844 was challenging. It was, you know, 1520 00:55:14,944 --> 00:55:16,864 whatever. I will go ahead and bitch about 1521 00:55:16,864 --> 00:55:18,804 this because it does relate Okay. 1522 00:55:19,235 --> 00:55:22,339 To that. There's this kink book. I DNF'd 1523 00:55:22,339 --> 00:55:23,780 it. I was like, well, she DNF'd it. 1524 00:55:23,780 --> 00:55:25,079 Did not finish. I 1525 00:55:25,619 --> 00:55:27,619 went, nope. I'm done. And I was like 1526 00:55:27,619 --> 00:55:29,780 30% through the book. And I already had 1527 00:55:29,780 --> 00:55:31,639 a wild premise. What was this woman 1528 00:55:32,105 --> 00:55:34,984 going to a strange man's house in the 1529 00:55:34,984 --> 00:55:35,484 mountains 1530 00:55:36,105 --> 00:55:38,924 because of a an insulting 1531 00:55:39,704 --> 00:55:42,025 ad. Where the fuck was this ad posted? 1532 00:55:42,025 --> 00:55:44,025 I don't know. To say, hey. If you 1533 00:55:44,025 --> 00:55:45,724 want to be dominated and mistreated, 1534 00:55:46,744 --> 00:55:48,639 as a woman, you should fill out this 1535 00:55:48,639 --> 00:55:49,619 form and go 1536 00:55:50,000 --> 00:55:52,079 visit this guy up in the mountains. Everybody 1537 00:55:52,079 --> 00:55:54,099 else had used it to harass this man. 1538 00:55:54,320 --> 00:55:56,340 The premise being an an angry ex 1539 00:55:56,800 --> 00:55:58,320 did that. I'm still like, where did you 1540 00:55:58,320 --> 00:56:00,559 put this ad that anybody fucking saw it? 1541 00:56:00,559 --> 00:56:02,320 Whatever. I was going with it even if 1542 00:56:02,320 --> 00:56:04,664 that part didn't make any sense. I was 1543 00:56:04,664 --> 00:56:07,644 going with it when this woman 1544 00:56:08,585 --> 00:56:11,144 fills out the form, does not verify that 1545 00:56:11,144 --> 00:56:13,164 the man saw the form, know she's coming, 1546 00:56:13,305 --> 00:56:15,085 drives up to a strange man's 1547 00:56:15,545 --> 00:56:16,605 mountain home, 1548 00:56:17,465 --> 00:56:19,320 presents herself, and within 1549 00:56:19,960 --> 00:56:22,599 thirty minutes, if I could understand the time 1550 00:56:22,599 --> 00:56:25,579 flow here, they are somehow kind of negotiating 1551 00:56:25,880 --> 00:56:27,340 that they will try power exchange. 1552 00:56:27,640 --> 00:56:29,900 He hasn't gotten to be his dom self 1553 00:56:29,960 --> 00:56:32,694 and he tried the vanilla life. This partner 1554 00:56:32,694 --> 00:56:34,054 who's pissed off at him and is like 1555 00:56:34,054 --> 00:56:36,074 humiliating him on the Internet. 1556 00:56:37,815 --> 00:56:39,275 So he's been missing it. 1557 00:56:39,574 --> 00:56:42,474 She has been dumped by four fiances. 1558 00:56:42,855 --> 00:56:44,775 Oh my gosh. And she's at the point 1559 00:56:44,775 --> 00:56:47,034 where she's like, maybe I'm the problem. 1560 00:56:48,300 --> 00:56:50,400 And so she's like, well, maybe I will 1561 00:56:50,700 --> 00:56:52,700 have this experience and see if I can 1562 00:56:52,700 --> 00:56:53,920 be made into, 1563 00:56:54,380 --> 00:56:56,380 you know, a better woman, have a better 1564 00:56:56,380 --> 00:56:58,860 type of relationship. Just try this thing. Something's 1565 00:56:58,860 --> 00:57:01,045 gotta change because I think I'm failing. 1566 00:57:01,425 --> 00:57:03,765 And I am going with it. I am 1567 00:57:03,825 --> 00:57:06,785 side eyeing. I am sure. Lola Lola, don't 1568 00:57:06,785 --> 00:57:08,085 knock the camera over. 1569 00:57:08,625 --> 00:57:09,445 I am 1570 00:57:10,144 --> 00:57:11,364 raising an eyebrow. 1571 00:57:11,905 --> 00:57:12,405 I 1572 00:57:13,019 --> 00:57:14,940 I am confused, but I'm going with it 1573 00:57:14,940 --> 00:57:16,780 because I'm here for the kink. I want 1574 00:57:16,780 --> 00:57:17,760 to read the kink, 1575 00:57:18,780 --> 00:57:19,280 and 1576 00:57:19,579 --> 00:57:21,199 I'll I'll just put up with it. 1577 00:57:21,739 --> 00:57:22,480 And then 1578 00:57:23,099 --> 00:57:25,119 in the space of like two pages, 1579 00:57:26,394 --> 00:57:27,934 And the title, by the way, 1580 00:57:28,474 --> 00:57:30,394 ironically enough, the title of the book was 1581 00:57:30,394 --> 00:57:31,295 Break Me. 1582 00:57:32,875 --> 00:57:33,375 So 1583 00:57:33,994 --> 00:57:36,315 they did, like, a five minute kind of 1584 00:57:36,315 --> 00:57:36,815 negotiation 1585 00:57:37,434 --> 00:57:37,934 where 1586 00:57:40,429 --> 00:57:41,949 they agreed they would try this thing, but 1587 00:57:41,949 --> 00:57:42,929 there were no details. 1588 00:57:43,789 --> 00:57:44,529 And then 1589 00:57:45,549 --> 00:57:47,549 she she was the her her premise, she 1590 00:57:47,549 --> 00:57:49,150 was gonna be like a bratty sub, and 1591 00:57:49,150 --> 00:57:50,829 she had a mouth on her. Right? So 1592 00:57:50,829 --> 00:57:52,215 she mouthed off. You know 1593 00:57:53,255 --> 00:57:53,755 Shush. 1594 00:57:54,375 --> 00:57:55,355 She said submissively. 1595 00:57:57,094 --> 00:57:58,875 So she mouthed off, and he 1596 00:57:59,974 --> 00:58:01,035 forces her 1597 00:58:01,894 --> 00:58:04,380 into a bedroom, what will be her bedroom 1598 00:58:04,380 --> 00:58:06,559 for this time, but locks her in 1599 00:58:06,940 --> 00:58:08,940 and does not speak to her, does not 1600 00:58:08,940 --> 00:58:10,460 tell her how long she will be there, 1601 00:58:10,460 --> 00:58:13,019 does not whatever. And his inner monologue is 1602 00:58:13,019 --> 00:58:15,679 I will I will break her down Yeah. 1603 00:58:15,819 --> 00:58:17,179 To build her back up. And I kinda 1604 00:58:17,259 --> 00:58:18,719 and I started going, 1605 00:58:19,339 --> 00:58:20,735 because I was kinda curious. I was like, 1606 00:58:20,735 --> 00:58:21,875 am I finally gonna 1607 00:58:22,255 --> 00:58:24,015 get an example of what the fuck breaking 1608 00:58:24,015 --> 00:58:26,175 somebody means? And is it gonna be sexy 1609 00:58:26,175 --> 00:58:27,315 or is it gonna be 1610 00:58:27,614 --> 00:58:29,315 abusive? Let's find out. Right. 1611 00:58:29,614 --> 00:58:30,355 And then 1612 00:58:31,295 --> 00:58:32,974 we get to a point, he's got a 1613 00:58:32,974 --> 00:58:33,474 contract. 1614 00:58:34,640 --> 00:58:36,640 Both, like, he's a billionaire that was part 1615 00:58:36,640 --> 00:58:38,320 of the premise too. Where he when he's 1616 00:58:38,320 --> 00:58:40,000 in a relationship or he's doing this dumb 1617 00:58:40,000 --> 00:58:41,360 thing, he has, like, a boiler plate kind 1618 00:58:41,360 --> 00:58:43,280 of contract that he always uses. And I'm 1619 00:58:43,280 --> 00:58:45,440 sure there's probably an NDA in there. There's 1620 00:58:45,440 --> 00:58:47,940 probably something. Mhmm. But he had 1621 00:58:48,239 --> 00:58:50,875 in his contract that his attorney that was 1622 00:58:50,875 --> 00:58:52,235 the other thing. The premise was I have 1623 00:58:52,235 --> 00:58:53,755 to have this contract to protect myself. I'm 1624 00:58:53,755 --> 00:58:56,894 like, no contract will protect you from BDSM 1625 00:58:57,675 --> 00:58:59,675 stuff. Like, that's the how the law works. 1626 00:58:59,675 --> 00:59:00,894 It's not legally binding. 1627 00:59:01,275 --> 00:59:03,195 Okay. Okay. So you see how things are 1628 00:59:03,195 --> 00:59:04,815 starting to add up for me. Right? 1629 00:59:05,434 --> 00:59:07,589 And then he's talking about this contract. 1630 00:59:08,210 --> 00:59:09,190 And this contract 1631 00:59:10,130 --> 00:59:11,750 has his hard limits, 1632 00:59:12,690 --> 00:59:13,989 his safe word, 1633 00:59:14,769 --> 00:59:15,269 his, 1634 00:59:16,050 --> 00:59:18,210 things he will not do, blah blah blah. 1635 00:59:18,210 --> 00:59:19,889 Things he's not that's not type of dom 1636 00:59:19,889 --> 00:59:22,125 he is. And there was no space 1637 00:59:22,985 --> 00:59:24,925 for her wants and 1638 00:59:25,305 --> 00:59:27,305 needs. He literally was that was not the 1639 00:59:27,305 --> 00:59:29,465 point because he had also said at some 1640 00:59:29,465 --> 00:59:31,224 point in this first third of the book 1641 00:59:31,224 --> 00:59:33,485 I made it through that it's a dom's 1642 00:59:33,545 --> 00:59:34,045 job 1643 00:59:34,345 --> 00:59:35,405 to just know. 1644 00:59:36,239 --> 00:59:38,079 You get to know your submissive so well 1645 00:59:38,079 --> 00:59:40,079 that you know what they mean. You can 1646 00:59:40,079 --> 00:59:42,000 you can see it in the expression on 1647 00:59:42,000 --> 00:59:44,079 their face. You can you can tell by 1648 00:59:44,079 --> 00:59:45,199 the tone of their voice. You can tell 1649 00:59:45,199 --> 00:59:47,440 by their acting. And your job as a 1650 00:59:47,440 --> 00:59:47,940 dom 1651 00:59:48,719 --> 00:59:50,900 is to give them what they need, 1652 00:59:52,094 --> 00:59:53,795 not necessarily what they want. 1653 00:59:54,175 --> 00:59:55,855 And once we got to the part where 1654 00:59:55,855 --> 00:59:57,934 the contract literally was just waiting on her 1655 00:59:57,934 --> 00:59:58,434 signature 1656 00:59:58,815 --> 01:00:00,815 and there had been no negotiation, there was 1657 01:00:00,815 --> 01:00:02,594 no room in the contract for her negotiation, 1658 01:00:02,894 --> 01:00:04,574 he had just talked about breaking her and 1659 01:00:04,574 --> 01:00:06,700 had shoved her crying in her room. She 1660 01:00:06,700 --> 01:00:09,180 screamed for literal hours until she lost her 1661 01:00:09,180 --> 01:00:10,239 voice. I went, 1662 01:00:10,700 --> 01:00:12,539 what the fuck am I reading? What the 1663 01:00:12,539 --> 01:00:13,039 hell? 1664 01:00:13,579 --> 01:00:15,980 What the fuck up? Wow. What the fuck 1665 01:00:15,980 --> 01:00:16,480 up? 1666 01:00:17,660 --> 01:00:18,559 I went, nope. 1667 01:00:18,894 --> 01:00:21,295 I will go on journeys with authors. I 1668 01:00:21,295 --> 01:00:21,795 will 1669 01:00:23,454 --> 01:00:25,215 forgive might be too kind of a word, 1670 01:00:25,215 --> 01:00:27,695 but I will overlook some some things. I'm 1671 01:00:27,695 --> 01:00:30,275 like, that's not best practices. That's not ideal. 1672 01:00:30,894 --> 01:00:33,339 If everything else is mostly okay. Right? If 1673 01:00:33,339 --> 01:00:35,019 it's and especially if it's not a dangerous 1674 01:00:35,019 --> 01:00:36,319 thing. I can be like, 1675 01:00:36,619 --> 01:00:39,099 that conversation probably should have been a little 1676 01:00:39,099 --> 01:00:39,599 longer. 1677 01:00:39,980 --> 01:00:41,760 You probably should've whatever. Okay. 1678 01:00:42,139 --> 01:00:42,639 This, 1679 01:00:43,819 --> 01:00:45,659 she was a red flag. Who the fuck 1680 01:00:45,659 --> 01:00:47,739 just drives up to somebody's mountain home Yeah. 1681 01:00:47,819 --> 01:00:49,335 And goes, I'm here for you to dominate 1682 01:00:49,335 --> 01:00:50,554 me. What? 1683 01:00:50,934 --> 01:00:51,434 What? 1684 01:00:53,175 --> 01:00:53,914 He became 1685 01:00:54,215 --> 01:00:56,614 a whole set of red flags. He's gonna 1686 01:00:56,614 --> 01:00:57,514 break her down. 1687 01:00:58,534 --> 01:00:59,034 Contract 1688 01:00:59,414 --> 01:01:01,355 no no discussions about 1689 01:01:01,889 --> 01:01:02,469 her limits. 1690 01:01:02,769 --> 01:01:04,690 She didn't get a safe word. She and 1691 01:01:04,690 --> 01:01:05,809 he did the whole that was the other 1692 01:01:05,809 --> 01:01:07,250 thing. He did the whole, you won't need 1693 01:01:07,250 --> 01:01:09,329 a safe word with me because I'll know. 1694 01:01:09,329 --> 01:01:10,230 And I was like, 1695 01:01:10,609 --> 01:01:12,849 nope. I can't do it. I can't do 1696 01:01:12,849 --> 01:01:13,909 it. I can't 1697 01:01:14,289 --> 01:01:15,030 do it. 1698 01:01:15,489 --> 01:01:18,464 I I I closed that book. I I 1699 01:01:18,464 --> 01:01:19,125 said that 1700 01:01:19,425 --> 01:01:21,664 back. I said I don't blame you. No. 1701 01:01:21,664 --> 01:01:23,525 No. I can I cannot do this? 1702 01:01:24,304 --> 01:01:25,605 I cannot do this. 1703 01:01:29,184 --> 01:01:31,650 Excuse me. So yeah. And I think that 1704 01:01:31,889 --> 01:01:33,969 happened right before I started seeing these other 1705 01:01:33,969 --> 01:01:34,769 pet peeves. I was just 1706 01:01:35,809 --> 01:01:37,589 things were annoying me. Okay? 1707 01:01:38,529 --> 01:01:40,069 I was very annoyed 1708 01:01:40,369 --> 01:01:41,909 for a few weeks there. 1709 01:01:43,885 --> 01:01:45,724 Oh my god. It was awful. It was 1710 01:01:45,724 --> 01:01:47,664 awful. And I was like, man, 1711 01:01:47,965 --> 01:01:49,965 I because I will even I will even 1712 01:01:49,965 --> 01:01:51,744 accept some pushing of boundaries 1713 01:01:52,445 --> 01:01:53,585 in some fiction 1714 01:01:54,525 --> 01:01:55,825 if, you know, 1715 01:01:56,364 --> 01:01:57,510 especially if it's like 1716 01:01:58,070 --> 01:01:59,989 we already know they're not the best person. 1717 01:01:59,989 --> 01:02:02,469 Like, the dark romance where the the person 1718 01:02:02,469 --> 01:02:03,130 is, like, 1719 01:02:03,670 --> 01:02:05,130 a shitty human being. 1720 01:02:06,949 --> 01:02:09,429 I have moments where I'm like, okay. I'm 1721 01:02:09,429 --> 01:02:10,409 here for the vibes. 1722 01:02:10,844 --> 01:02:12,844 Will the sex be good? Is the kink 1723 01:02:12,925 --> 01:02:14,364 like, is some of the power exchange stuff 1724 01:02:14,364 --> 01:02:16,545 gonna be good? And I have a 100% 1725 01:02:16,684 --> 01:02:17,824 overlooked and forgiven 1726 01:02:18,125 --> 01:02:20,545 some shit that would never be okay 1727 01:02:21,005 --> 01:02:22,625 in power exchange and in kink 1728 01:02:22,925 --> 01:02:25,005 for the story because it actually fits the 1729 01:02:25,005 --> 01:02:25,505 characters. 1730 01:02:26,449 --> 01:02:28,949 But this one was just I just couldn't. 1731 01:02:29,089 --> 01:02:31,089 I just couldn't. It was like, if we 1732 01:02:31,089 --> 01:02:33,190 could have a lot a list of everything, 1733 01:02:33,250 --> 01:02:35,329 don't do that. We just went down the 1734 01:02:35,329 --> 01:02:36,949 fucking list. Mhmm. Like 1735 01:02:39,569 --> 01:02:40,069 no. 1736 01:02:40,375 --> 01:02:43,094 No. I do not like that. Yeah. So, 1737 01:02:43,094 --> 01:02:45,015 yeah, the break me, the I'm gonna break 1738 01:02:45,015 --> 01:02:47,275 you thing, I'm very skeptical. 1739 01:02:47,575 --> 01:02:48,474 I nope. 1740 01:02:48,775 --> 01:02:49,275 Nope. 1741 01:02:49,815 --> 01:02:50,315 Nope. 1742 01:02:51,175 --> 01:02:53,335 You're welcome, dear darling. I don't know why 1743 01:02:53,335 --> 01:02:55,035 somebody feels the need to bring 1744 01:02:55,335 --> 01:02:56,549 another human human 1745 01:02:57,170 --> 01:02:58,469 being mentally and emotionally, 1746 01:02:59,089 --> 01:03:00,789 not physically, because that's kinda 1747 01:03:01,250 --> 01:03:01,750 lower 1748 01:03:02,449 --> 01:03:04,469 in the point to the point of 1749 01:03:05,250 --> 01:03:07,250 you don't even kind of know who you 1750 01:03:07,250 --> 01:03:09,409 are anymore. Everything you thought you knew about 1751 01:03:09,409 --> 01:03:09,909 yourself, 1752 01:03:10,369 --> 01:03:12,014 you're now being maybe told as a lie 1753 01:03:12,014 --> 01:03:13,635 or you're doing things out of character. 1754 01:03:15,135 --> 01:03:17,214 Build them up. Don't break them down. Right. 1755 01:03:17,214 --> 01:03:19,234 The break like, the building up part 1756 01:03:19,534 --> 01:03:21,315 is the part that matters most. 1757 01:03:21,614 --> 01:03:23,375 Yeah. But what are you doing to quote 1758 01:03:23,375 --> 01:03:25,855 break a person now? If what we're saying 1759 01:03:25,855 --> 01:03:26,929 is you're challenging 1760 01:03:27,389 --> 01:03:28,690 them within their own 1761 01:03:29,069 --> 01:03:31,550 boundaries, you are pushing them in a way 1762 01:03:31,550 --> 01:03:33,409 that they are consenting to. 1763 01:03:34,269 --> 01:03:36,190 It might be something I would never personally 1764 01:03:36,190 --> 01:03:37,710 allow, but I can respect it because I'm 1765 01:03:37,710 --> 01:03:39,550 like, okay. They've consented. They know what they're 1766 01:03:39,550 --> 01:03:41,550 saying. We're challenging them that we are not 1767 01:03:41,550 --> 01:03:43,885 trying to, like, have them be a crying 1768 01:03:44,425 --> 01:03:46,264 mess on the floor who doesn't think they're 1769 01:03:46,264 --> 01:03:48,045 worthy of anything. Yeah. 1770 01:03:48,505 --> 01:03:50,425 Outside of role play in a scene, that's 1771 01:03:50,425 --> 01:03:52,985 a diff like, that's different. Mhmm. And I 1772 01:03:52,985 --> 01:03:54,900 and I think that there are probably very 1773 01:03:55,380 --> 01:03:58,099 few people who could do something like that 1774 01:03:58,099 --> 01:03:59,400 with the care 1775 01:04:00,099 --> 01:04:00,599 and 1776 01:04:01,139 --> 01:04:01,639 the, 1777 01:04:02,900 --> 01:04:05,159 focus on protecting mental health, 1778 01:04:06,260 --> 01:04:08,819 and emotional well-being. I don't I think most 1779 01:04:08,819 --> 01:04:10,985 people are not really capable of that and 1780 01:04:10,985 --> 01:04:13,164 should not be playing in shit like that. 1781 01:04:13,465 --> 01:04:15,144 I think a person who could air quote 1782 01:04:15,144 --> 01:04:16,905 break a person down in a way that 1783 01:04:16,905 --> 01:04:17,405 they 1784 01:04:17,704 --> 01:04:18,844 are not traumatized 1785 01:04:19,305 --> 01:04:20,765 by the breaking down, 1786 01:04:21,144 --> 01:04:22,505 I think those people are few and far 1787 01:04:22,505 --> 01:04:24,300 between and are an exception to the rule. 1788 01:04:24,300 --> 01:04:25,820 And I think most people need to stay 1789 01:04:25,820 --> 01:04:27,660 the fuck away from that break me shit. 1790 01:04:27,660 --> 01:04:29,500 Yeah. Now as part of dirty talk, as 1791 01:04:29,500 --> 01:04:31,920 part of a Hey. You know, a fantasy, 1792 01:04:31,980 --> 01:04:34,219 I'm here. Look. I accept a lot of 1793 01:04:34,219 --> 01:04:35,760 crazy shit for fantasy. 1794 01:04:36,934 --> 01:04:39,815 Okay? Some some non consent stuff that would 1795 01:04:39,815 --> 01:04:41,675 never be okay anywhere else. 1796 01:04:42,054 --> 01:04:43,515 I have read it and gone, 1797 01:04:44,695 --> 01:04:47,015 why was that kinda hot? I feel feel 1798 01:04:47,015 --> 01:04:48,695 like I should feel guilty that that was 1799 01:04:48,695 --> 01:04:49,515 kinda hot. 1800 01:04:50,054 --> 01:04:52,269 I know that was wrong. It was kinda 1801 01:04:52,269 --> 01:04:52,769 hot. 1802 01:04:53,549 --> 01:04:56,269 But no. No. I don't think most people 1803 01:04:56,269 --> 01:04:57,010 are equipped 1804 01:04:57,549 --> 01:04:59,730 for the breaking down. Yeah. I know. And 1805 01:05:00,349 --> 01:05:02,670 this is just my limited experience. But the 1806 01:05:02,670 --> 01:05:05,069 people I have come across who claim that 1807 01:05:05,069 --> 01:05:07,184 they're going to break down their submissive 1808 01:05:08,045 --> 01:05:10,625 are also the people who think that everybody 1809 01:05:10,684 --> 01:05:13,005 should call them Munster, and that they are 1810 01:05:13,005 --> 01:05:14,864 the domliest domed who ever domed 1811 01:05:15,244 --> 01:05:16,625 in every kink space. 1812 01:05:17,164 --> 01:05:20,625 And it's not confidence. It's arrogance. And Yeah. 1813 01:05:21,349 --> 01:05:23,849 It's dangerous, and I'm not impressed. 1814 01:05:26,390 --> 01:05:28,230 So I'm just saying I'm with you on 1815 01:05:28,230 --> 01:05:29,210 that one. Okay. 1816 01:05:29,510 --> 01:05:30,730 What is our official 1817 01:05:31,030 --> 01:05:33,344 word on I Will Break You? What what 1818 01:05:42,465 --> 01:05:43,284 Boo. So, yeah, 1819 01:05:44,385 --> 01:05:47,105 those have been some kinky pet peeves and 1820 01:05:47,105 --> 01:05:48,405 a rant about a book. 1821 01:05:50,429 --> 01:05:51,329 Imagine that. 1822 01:05:53,389 --> 01:05:55,710 One thing I will say I've seen somebody 1823 01:05:55,710 --> 01:05:57,730 mentioned not pushing somebody past their boundaries. 1824 01:05:58,269 --> 01:06:00,289 I have seen recently some people, 1825 01:06:00,605 --> 01:06:03,164 kink folks online, talking about how and I 1826 01:06:03,164 --> 01:06:04,704 don't necessarily disagree 1827 01:06:05,484 --> 01:06:07,565 that we should not be you know, doms 1828 01:06:07,565 --> 01:06:09,105 and tops should not push, 1829 01:06:10,284 --> 01:06:11,025 their partner. 1830 01:06:11,565 --> 01:06:12,764 Like, the goal should not be to get 1831 01:06:12,764 --> 01:06:13,664 them to safe work. 1832 01:06:14,045 --> 01:06:15,719 Yeah. Now here's what I will say about 1833 01:06:15,719 --> 01:06:17,099 that. I think that 1834 01:06:17,480 --> 01:06:19,340 in large part, I think that's true. 1835 01:06:19,880 --> 01:06:21,719 I think we stay within our our boundaries 1836 01:06:21,719 --> 01:06:23,480 and we don't whatever. But you and I 1837 01:06:23,480 --> 01:06:25,019 have a 100% negotiated 1838 01:06:25,559 --> 01:06:27,400 one off scenes where I was like, let's 1839 01:06:27,400 --> 01:06:29,755 see how far I can actually go. And 1840 01:06:29,755 --> 01:06:31,755 I was willing to be pushed to that 1841 01:06:31,755 --> 01:06:34,655 point Yes. As a choice I was making 1842 01:06:34,715 --> 01:06:36,715 on my own that you were consenting to 1843 01:06:36,954 --> 01:06:40,094 Mhmm. With a lot of experience and understanding 1844 01:06:40,474 --> 01:06:42,300 about the thing we were doing. 1845 01:06:43,019 --> 01:06:45,739 Yes. And it was a one off, like, 1846 01:06:45,739 --> 01:06:46,960 we were this was not 1847 01:06:47,660 --> 01:06:49,840 this was not every encounter we had 1848 01:06:50,300 --> 01:06:52,539 of me being pushed to a breaking point. 1849 01:06:52,539 --> 01:06:54,380 Right. Because that goes back to that breaking 1850 01:06:54,380 --> 01:06:56,734 thing. Mhmm. We're not trying to traumatize you 1851 01:06:56,815 --> 01:06:59,135 No. Around here. You don't wanna break your 1852 01:06:59,135 --> 01:07:01,375 toys. But apparently, some people do because they 1853 01:07:01,375 --> 01:07:03,215 think they can super glue them back together 1854 01:07:03,215 --> 01:07:04,675 and they'll somehow be bad. 1855 01:07:07,054 --> 01:07:08,414 And I just don't trust some of those 1856 01:07:08,414 --> 01:07:10,420 fucker fucking people to even be able to 1857 01:07:10,420 --> 01:07:11,800 super glue somebody back together. Yeah. 1858 01:07:14,179 --> 01:07:14,840 Just a sec. 1859 01:07:15,940 --> 01:07:16,440 So 1860 01:07:19,140 --> 01:07:19,640 okay. 1861 01:07:20,019 --> 01:07:22,179 I I I can I keep going? We 1862 01:07:22,179 --> 01:07:23,617 know I can. Of course you could. We 1863 01:07:23,617 --> 01:07:24,755 know I can. But 1864 01:07:25,614 --> 01:07:27,315 Mhmm. There there I go. 1865 01:07:28,014 --> 01:07:29,154 And here we are. 1866 01:07:31,135 --> 01:07:31,534 So, 1867 01:07:32,494 --> 01:07:34,194 are we good? I don't know. 1868 01:07:35,694 --> 01:07:37,534 Keep it kinky, y'all. And we'll see you 1869 01:07:37,534 --> 01:07:40,079 next week. We think. We hope. We'll try. 1870 01:07:49,819 --> 01:07:52,480 I am very concerned about the podcast audio. 1871 01:07:52,619 --> 01:07:54,855 Yeah. I have a feeling I am quite 1872 01:07:55,175 --> 01:07:55,675 muted. 1873 01:07:58,054 --> 01:08:00,375 Well, it's not doing me much great either, 1874 01:08:00,375 --> 01:08:02,934 but I know in editing, I can go 1875 01:08:02,934 --> 01:08:06,295 in and Okay. Boost. So poor podcast listeners. 1876 01:08:06,295 --> 01:08:08,775 If it sounds weird Yeah. It's it's been 1877 01:08:08,775 --> 01:08:10,269 a hot mess over here with the sound 1878 01:08:10,510 --> 01:08:12,190 It has. This week. It has. I'm gonna 1879 01:08:12,190 --> 01:08:14,190 keep blaming Onyx. That's all I'm saying. Can 1880 01:08:14,190 --> 01:08:16,189 we talk to the cricket's daddy? We can. 1881 01:08:16,189 --> 01:08:17,170 Okay. Thank you. 1882 01:08:17,869 --> 01:08:19,010 One week off. 1883 01:08:19,310 --> 01:08:20,989 I know. I forget everything. And everything goes 1884 01:08:20,989 --> 01:08:21,810 to Mhmm. 1885 01:08:22,454 --> 01:08:24,155 C t double hockey hockey sticks. 1886 01:08:24,695 --> 01:08:25,195 What? 1887 01:08:28,854 --> 01:08:31,354 We're not gonna start spelling out or 1888 01:08:32,774 --> 01:08:34,715 I I did say FUBARED 1889 01:08:35,095 --> 01:08:36,510 while we were, like, two minutes into 1890 01:08:37,469 --> 01:08:39,149 oh, let's give it ten minutes before it. 1891 01:08:39,349 --> 01:08:40,989 Is valid. Come on. That's it. Well, it 1892 01:08:40,989 --> 01:08:42,989 was. But, no, I could've said fucked up 1893 01:08:42,989 --> 01:08:44,989 beyond all reason, and I didn't know. We 1894 01:08:44,989 --> 01:08:47,149 were, like, two minutes into the livestream. I 1895 01:08:47,149 --> 01:08:48,369 was, like, let's not lose 1896 01:08:48,829 --> 01:08:50,054 5ยข of monetization 1897 01:08:50,354 --> 01:08:52,594 this soon. We'll lose it. Give me a 1898 01:08:52,594 --> 01:08:53,094 minute, 1899 01:08:53,395 --> 01:08:54,215 you know. 1900 01:08:55,715 --> 01:08:58,034 But no, we're not HE double hockey sticking 1901 01:08:58,034 --> 01:08:59,414 it anywhere. Okay. 1902 01:09:06,309 --> 01:09:06,809 Anyhoo. 1903 01:09:07,189 --> 01:09:07,689 Anyhoo. 1904 01:09:08,069 --> 01:09:10,250 So to the extent that you were comfortable 1905 01:09:10,309 --> 01:09:11,829 with it Mhmm. What would you like to 1906 01:09:11,829 --> 01:09:13,210 say about being sick? 1907 01:09:14,630 --> 01:09:16,710 Yeah. I was sick. You were sick twice. 1908 01:09:16,710 --> 01:09:17,895 You got got better and then you were 1909 01:09:17,895 --> 01:09:18,795 sick. I did. 1910 01:09:19,895 --> 01:09:22,055 I'm I'm kind of on a little bit 1911 01:09:22,055 --> 01:09:22,555 of 1912 01:09:23,095 --> 01:09:25,114 a roller coaster ride at the moment 1913 01:09:25,734 --> 01:09:26,875 with things and, 1914 01:09:28,854 --> 01:09:30,074 working very diligently 1915 01:09:30,774 --> 01:09:31,274 to 1916 01:09:33,369 --> 01:09:34,989 turn things around. Mhmm. 1917 01:09:35,449 --> 01:09:37,949 But, it's not something that's gonna happen overnight 1918 01:09:38,090 --> 01:09:40,010 either. No. A part of it some of 1919 01:09:40,010 --> 01:09:41,689 what you're going through, we kind of understand 1920 01:09:41,689 --> 01:09:43,389 it, but it's still a little unexplained 1921 01:09:43,769 --> 01:09:45,704 and Well, you know, and that's that's something 1922 01:09:45,704 --> 01:09:47,064 I was thinking about. And I know it's 1923 01:09:47,064 --> 01:09:48,904 partially my fault too. I don't I don't 1924 01:09:48,904 --> 01:09:51,545 know the questions to ask. Sure. And I'm 1925 01:09:51,545 --> 01:09:53,625 not sure which doctor to ask them to. 1926 01:09:53,625 --> 01:09:54,125 Right. 1927 01:09:55,304 --> 01:09:57,465 I had the one doctor that, you know, 1928 01:09:57,465 --> 01:09:59,510 went through a lot of this stuff looking 1929 01:09:59,510 --> 01:10:00,010 into. 1930 01:10:00,869 --> 01:10:02,010 And they 1931 01:10:03,510 --> 01:10:06,170 I got a phone call. And they said, 1932 01:10:06,949 --> 01:10:09,189 yeah. This is this is happening. And you 1933 01:10:09,189 --> 01:10:10,789 need to do this, this, and this. Okay. 1934 01:10:10,789 --> 01:10:11,289 Goodbye. 1935 01:10:11,750 --> 01:10:12,250 Right. 1936 01:10:12,789 --> 01:10:14,250 And that's what I got. 1937 01:10:14,875 --> 01:10:17,274 And kind of finding out on our own, 1938 01:10:17,274 --> 01:10:18,175 little by little, 1939 01:10:18,555 --> 01:10:19,114 the things that, 1940 01:10:20,875 --> 01:10:21,515 kind of all 1941 01:10:22,234 --> 01:10:24,734 Yeah. Quite frankly, it's been some Google searches. 1942 01:10:24,795 --> 01:10:27,449 Yeah. Minus the AI. Oh, yeah. Fuck. Because 1943 01:10:27,449 --> 01:10:28,810 I don't trust that at all. Yeah. Yeah. 1944 01:10:28,810 --> 01:10:29,210 Yeah. 1945 01:10:30,010 --> 01:10:30,510 So, 1946 01:10:31,610 --> 01:10:33,390 you know, it's it's nothing 1947 01:10:34,810 --> 01:10:35,310 serious. 1948 01:10:35,690 --> 01:10:36,829 I'm not going anywhere. 1949 01:10:37,369 --> 01:10:38,750 No. The fuck he's not. 1950 01:10:40,409 --> 01:10:40,810 But, 1951 01:10:42,045 --> 01:10:42,784 it it's, 1952 01:10:43,725 --> 01:10:46,045 something that I'm I'm dealing with and trying 1953 01:10:46,045 --> 01:10:47,564 to work through. I know. And what I'm 1954 01:10:47,564 --> 01:10:49,265 curious about because the 1955 01:10:49,725 --> 01:10:51,885 first, when you were sick last week Mhmm. 1956 01:10:51,965 --> 01:10:54,060 I thought that was maybe a flare up 1957 01:10:55,020 --> 01:10:56,539 of the health issue you have. Right. And 1958 01:10:56,539 --> 01:10:58,140 I was like, okay. We need to learn 1959 01:10:58,140 --> 01:11:00,319 if this is a flare up Mhmm. And 1960 01:11:00,619 --> 01:11:02,539 what should we expect? And is there anything 1961 01:11:02,539 --> 01:11:04,319 that can mitigate it? Are there medications? 1962 01:11:04,859 --> 01:11:07,260 Certainly, the the Google search wanted I was, 1963 01:11:07,260 --> 01:11:07,760 like, 1964 01:11:08,954 --> 01:11:10,895 looking up specific symptoms related 1965 01:11:11,515 --> 01:11:13,595 to the health issue. Mhmm. And, like, the 1966 01:11:13,595 --> 01:11:15,755 first three or four after the AI, the 1967 01:11:15,755 --> 01:11:17,354 first three or four links were all links 1968 01:11:17,354 --> 01:11:18,954 to medication for it. And I'm like, okay. 1969 01:11:18,954 --> 01:11:20,954 Yeah. So one, that's kind of annoying. Two, 1970 01:11:20,954 --> 01:11:22,920 that tells me there's medication. Should you be 1971 01:11:23,000 --> 01:11:24,840 be on medication? Is that what will happen? 1972 01:11:24,840 --> 01:11:26,859 And we just don't have that information. Right. 1973 01:11:27,479 --> 01:11:30,039 But then you started getting better. You worked. 1974 01:11:30,039 --> 01:11:31,319 You had, like, a whole day where you're 1975 01:11:31,319 --> 01:11:32,760 like, I can do shit. Oh, yeah. And 1976 01:11:32,760 --> 01:11:34,359 you didn't overdo it. You were you were 1977 01:11:34,359 --> 01:11:36,119 sensible about it. And then the next day, 1978 01:11:36,119 --> 01:11:37,840 you're, like, sick in a different way. And 1979 01:11:37,840 --> 01:11:39,527 I was like, nope. I don't don't know 1980 01:11:39,527 --> 01:11:43,005 where why these symptoms. I don't Mhmm. I 1981 01:11:43,005 --> 01:11:45,534 don't even know what we're supposed to do 1982 01:11:45,534 --> 01:11:48,381 with these symptoms. Yeah. We did eventually kind 1983 01:11:48,381 --> 01:11:50,909 of get it sorted out. Right. Hello, Lola. 1984 01:11:51,229 --> 01:11:52,270 But I didn't even know if we were 1985 01:11:52,270 --> 01:11:53,829 gonna stream this week because of it. I 1986 01:11:53,829 --> 01:11:55,390 know. We were, like, just watching them, you 1987 01:11:55,390 --> 01:11:56,369 know. Mhmm. 1988 01:11:56,750 --> 01:11:58,850 Lola, you have walked over 1989 01:11:59,310 --> 01:12:02,689 these boards And around. On this camera multiple 1990 01:12:02,829 --> 01:12:04,930 times today, and you are stressing 1991 01:12:05,595 --> 01:12:06,175 me out. 1992 01:12:06,875 --> 01:12:08,395 Why don't you go back just laying next 1993 01:12:08,395 --> 01:12:10,155 to my desk and take a nap? She 1994 01:12:10,155 --> 01:12:12,735 was snoring so hard. Yeah. We started 1995 01:12:13,195 --> 01:12:15,755 with our bad audio stream. Mhmm. Oh, yep. 1996 01:12:15,755 --> 01:12:17,835 Just just step on that cord. It's it's 1997 01:12:17,835 --> 01:12:20,529 fine, Lola. It's fine. It's fine. 1998 01:12:21,310 --> 01:12:23,090 Do you wanna go out again? Again. 1999 01:12:23,949 --> 01:12:25,550 You get her this time. My turn? Okay. 2000 01:12:25,550 --> 01:12:27,470 I'm on. You don't I don't you don't 2001 01:12:27,470 --> 01:12:28,689 have to put anything down. 2002 01:12:29,630 --> 01:12:30,770 True. True. True. 2003 01:12:36,225 --> 01:12:38,805 Watch Ella. She's usually good. 2004 01:12:41,904 --> 01:12:44,279 I once had Ella in a sun patch 2005 01:12:44,279 --> 01:12:46,039 right here. Mhmm. I opened that door. That 2006 01:12:46,039 --> 01:12:47,719 girl didn't move. She walked right up to 2007 01:12:47,719 --> 01:12:49,639 the door yesterday on me. She only does 2008 01:12:49,639 --> 01:12:51,559 it to you then. Because to me, she 2009 01:12:51,559 --> 01:12:53,559 just, like, rolls and, like, looks at me 2010 01:12:53,559 --> 01:12:55,559 like, I'm not going anywhere. I don't need 2011 01:12:55,559 --> 01:12:58,199 to follow Lola out. I'll just sniff Lola's 2012 01:12:58,199 --> 01:12:59,814 feet when she comes back in. Well, she 2013 01:12:59,814 --> 01:13:00,795 does that. Yeah. 2014 01:13:04,215 --> 01:13:04,695 So 2015 01:13:05,255 --> 01:13:07,215 but anyway, I I did talk about it 2016 01:13:07,215 --> 01:13:09,095 a little bit more in detail in the 2017 01:13:09,095 --> 01:13:12,229 Patreon. Yeah. We'd probably share more those. Yeah. 2018 01:13:12,229 --> 01:13:13,989 For anybody who's really nosy, you can join 2019 01:13:13,989 --> 01:13:15,050 as a paid Patreon. 2020 01:13:15,670 --> 01:13:17,310 Right. And you get a little you get 2021 01:13:17,310 --> 01:13:18,729 a few more details. Yeah. 2022 01:13:19,030 --> 01:13:19,530 Yeah. 2023 01:13:20,150 --> 01:13:20,650 And, 2024 01:13:22,390 --> 01:13:23,530 you know, on the 2025 01:13:24,789 --> 01:13:26,755 Oh, yeah. The mic mic side. The audio 2026 01:13:26,755 --> 01:13:29,234 side. We have I I have been doing 2027 01:13:29,234 --> 01:13:30,054 some research, 2028 01:13:30,434 --> 01:13:32,054 and I did find, 2029 01:13:32,994 --> 01:13:34,534 some lavalier mics 2030 01:13:34,914 --> 01:13:37,734 that can be integrated with with our soundboard. 2031 01:13:38,114 --> 01:13:39,875 Except our soundboard seems to be the issue. 2032 01:13:39,875 --> 01:13:41,810 But I guess if you're hooking something up 2033 01:13:41,810 --> 01:13:43,510 new, you know, we test everything. 2034 01:13:44,050 --> 01:13:44,789 And I, 2035 01:13:45,409 --> 01:13:46,770 I am good. I think you were gonna 2036 01:13:46,770 --> 01:13:48,470 do a little bit more research. Mhmm. 2037 01:13:49,090 --> 01:13:50,789 But you could tell me, like, 2038 01:13:51,170 --> 01:13:53,170 tonight and I'll get them ordered. Okay. And 2039 01:13:53,170 --> 01:13:54,954 we'll see how quickly we can get them. 2040 01:13:55,015 --> 01:13:56,635 Sweet. Yeah. Sweet. 2041 01:13:56,935 --> 01:13:59,175 So, you know, yeah. We're we're looking into 2042 01:13:59,175 --> 01:14:01,194 to making some changes with that now. 2043 01:14:01,494 --> 01:14:01,994 Mhmm. 2044 01:14:03,574 --> 01:14:04,635 You know, it, 2045 01:14:05,975 --> 01:14:07,835 I think I think it'll work out well. 2046 01:14:08,439 --> 01:14:10,039 Hope so. I mean, we've had a sound 2047 01:14:10,039 --> 01:14:11,880 issue for a hot minute where there's, like, 2048 01:14:11,880 --> 01:14:14,520 a clicky, staticky noise or it kinda Yeah. 2049 01:14:14,520 --> 01:14:16,840 We've never found it. No. What cord is 2050 01:14:16,840 --> 01:14:17,899 it? I don't know. 2051 01:14:19,399 --> 01:14:20,119 So getting 2052 01:14:21,399 --> 01:14:23,399 when we bought the sound equipment we have 2053 01:14:23,399 --> 01:14:25,275 now, we I mean, we went to a 2054 01:14:25,275 --> 01:14:27,835 place that sells professional sound equipment, and we 2055 01:14:27,835 --> 01:14:29,034 didn't get top of the line. We didn't 2056 01:14:29,034 --> 01:14:30,795 have that kind of budget. But we got 2057 01:14:30,795 --> 01:14:34,395 better than the, like, beginner stuff. Oh, yeah. 2058 01:14:34,395 --> 01:14:34,795 And, 2059 01:14:36,235 --> 01:14:39,189 you know, these mics are, like, $100 mics. 2060 01:14:40,850 --> 01:14:41,350 The 2061 01:14:41,729 --> 01:14:44,469 the what we got was, like, it's supposed 2062 01:14:44,529 --> 01:14:46,630 to last, but that's also been 2063 01:14:47,010 --> 01:14:49,109 since before we moved here. 2064 01:14:50,289 --> 01:14:51,574 I'd have to go back, but it might 2065 01:14:51,574 --> 01:14:54,375 be close to eight or nine years. Yeah. 2066 01:14:54,375 --> 01:14:56,055 Because we We've had this stuff. We still 2067 01:14:56,055 --> 01:14:57,814 lived in Tarpon. Yeah. We were in the 2068 01:14:57,814 --> 01:14:58,875 car. Time. Mhmm. 2069 01:14:59,574 --> 01:15:01,095 So it could be that some of it's 2070 01:15:01,095 --> 01:15:02,695 aging as well. I don't want to buy 2071 01:15:02,695 --> 01:15:03,515 it. That's entirely. 2072 01:15:04,630 --> 01:15:06,630 True. Yeah. No. No. Not the sound board. 2073 01:15:06,630 --> 01:15:08,409 I no. Things things got, 2074 01:15:10,149 --> 01:15:12,229 shoveled around with the sound board. I'm just 2075 01:15:12,229 --> 01:15:13,510 gonna have to take a hot minute to 2076 01:15:13,510 --> 01:15:14,869 get it back to where it needs to 2077 01:15:14,869 --> 01:15:16,810 be. I'm still I'm just gonna blame models. 2078 01:15:18,395 --> 01:15:20,175 Yeah. I just Yeah. I know before 2079 01:15:21,114 --> 01:15:23,755 I I complained before because the soundboard was 2080 01:15:23,755 --> 01:15:26,875 sitting on two milk crates. Right. Yeah. That 2081 01:15:26,875 --> 01:15:30,015 that was our fancy professional setup plan. 2082 01:15:30,875 --> 01:15:32,789 And and now since we've shuffled 2083 01:15:44,069 --> 01:15:44,569 access. 2084 01:15:45,135 --> 01:15:47,314 But, yeah, we we have, 2085 01:15:47,694 --> 01:15:49,215 Onyx and she, you know 2086 01:15:50,015 --> 01:15:51,795 Bless you. Bless you, Lola. 2087 01:15:52,895 --> 01:15:54,814 Onyx has never found a flat surface she 2088 01:15:54,814 --> 01:15:55,875 didn't like. Right. 2089 01:15:57,055 --> 01:15:58,895 One was it last week? She got up 2090 01:15:58,895 --> 01:16:00,869 on top of the, kitchen cabinets? 2091 01:16:01,350 --> 01:16:03,829 Yes. And Very, very top. And she started 2092 01:16:03,829 --> 01:16:06,090 knocking stuff down up there. 2093 01:16:08,070 --> 01:16:09,989 We have a, what do you call it? 2094 01:16:09,989 --> 01:16:11,829 Like a china cabinet? Oh, it's like a 2095 01:16:11,829 --> 01:16:14,390 hutch thing. Yeah. In the, in our dining 2096 01:16:14,390 --> 01:16:14,890 area. 2097 01:16:15,685 --> 01:16:16,185 And 2098 01:16:16,485 --> 01:16:16,985 my 2099 01:16:17,364 --> 01:16:18,744 god, she gets up there. 2100 01:16:19,364 --> 01:16:21,364 She'll go with gargoyle. Yeah. She and and 2101 01:16:21,364 --> 01:16:22,985 she'll perch right on the 2102 01:16:23,364 --> 01:16:25,045 corner and she'll just And in the dark, 2103 01:16:25,045 --> 01:16:27,125 all you might see Are her eyes if 2104 01:16:27,125 --> 01:16:28,885 they're open. Yep. Just lay on the cords 2105 01:16:28,885 --> 01:16:30,989 now, Lola. That's great. That's that's not gonna 2106 01:16:30,989 --> 01:16:32,689 be a problem. It's gonna be fine. 2107 01:16:33,149 --> 01:16:35,149 I trust this. This is Yeah. It's gonna 2108 01:16:35,149 --> 01:16:37,649 work out because it usually does. Right? Yeah. 2109 01:16:37,869 --> 01:16:40,529 Something like that. Something like that. Yeah. 2110 01:16:40,989 --> 01:16:43,069 So yeah. You know yeah. If there's if 2111 01:16:43,069 --> 01:16:44,289 there's a flat surface, 2112 01:16:45,145 --> 01:16:45,645 Onyx 2113 01:16:46,104 --> 01:16:48,185 will be on it. She's even figure out 2114 01:16:48,185 --> 01:16:49,324 how to get into the, 2115 01:16:50,104 --> 01:16:50,764 light box. 2116 01:16:51,064 --> 01:16:51,804 Yeah. Yeah. 2117 01:16:53,304 --> 01:16:55,784 Yeah. There have there are I I need 2118 01:16:55,784 --> 01:16:57,385 to dust it out. I need to clean 2119 01:16:57,385 --> 01:16:58,604 out the light box periodically. 2120 01:16:59,039 --> 01:17:00,880 I kinda leave it open so it's very 2121 01:17:00,880 --> 01:17:02,399 easy for me to just put something down 2122 01:17:02,399 --> 01:17:04,079 and take a picture. Yeah. So dust gets 2123 01:17:04,079 --> 01:17:05,939 in there. So I'm constantly dusting it. 2124 01:17:06,640 --> 01:17:08,880 But Onyx gets in, and I'll know she's 2125 01:17:08,880 --> 01:17:12,185 been in because there's little toe bean 2126 01:17:12,805 --> 01:17:13,305 prints 2127 01:17:13,845 --> 01:17:15,845 on the background thing, which is like a 2128 01:17:15,845 --> 01:17:18,005 plastic thing. And those don't just wipe out 2129 01:17:18,005 --> 01:17:19,045 with a duster. I have to get the 2130 01:17:19,045 --> 01:17:20,645 Clorox wipe and I have to, like, scrub 2131 01:17:20,645 --> 01:17:23,064 it out. It's a whole production. Mhmm. 2132 01:17:23,765 --> 01:17:24,984 Yeah. But I've also 2133 01:17:25,445 --> 01:17:27,659 how many how many days have we seen 2134 01:17:27,659 --> 01:17:29,199 those same toe bean prints 2135 01:17:29,659 --> 01:17:32,220 on the top of our stove? Yep. Because 2136 01:17:32,220 --> 01:17:34,000 she's a counter surfer. Mhmm. 2137 01:17:34,619 --> 01:17:35,520 Yeah. Yep. 2138 01:17:36,460 --> 01:17:38,320 Thank god she's pretty. I know. 2139 01:17:41,180 --> 01:17:43,635 So we got to see the, oldest in 2140 01:17:43,635 --> 01:17:45,895 his final concert of the semester. Yeah. 2141 01:17:46,514 --> 01:17:48,274 And it was a good one. You didn't 2142 01:17:48,274 --> 01:17:49,395 get to see. I didn't. You had to 2143 01:17:49,395 --> 01:17:51,335 stay home. I I got hearsay. 2144 01:17:52,114 --> 01:17:54,354 I know. I mean, if I had thought 2145 01:17:54,354 --> 01:17:56,534 about it, even though I stopped recording 2146 01:17:56,994 --> 01:17:59,770 his concerts when he started college. I should 2147 01:17:59,770 --> 01:18:01,289 have recorded it because it was very interesting 2148 01:18:01,289 --> 01:18:01,789 music. 2149 01:18:02,649 --> 01:18:04,170 Mhmm. But it was Oh, is that the 2150 01:18:04,170 --> 01:18:06,029 one last week? Yeah. That's true. 2151 01:18:06,489 --> 01:18:08,810 Different music, though. That's true. He was at 2152 01:18:08,890 --> 01:18:10,090 this is when he was like, no. No. 2153 01:18:10,090 --> 01:18:11,524 I I would like y'all to come to 2154 01:18:11,524 --> 01:18:13,125 this one. This one will actually be good 2155 01:18:13,125 --> 01:18:15,145 in my opinion. And I was like, okay. 2156 01:18:15,764 --> 01:18:17,125 And it was, but it was just me 2157 01:18:17,125 --> 01:18:18,724 and the 16 year old. So I did 2158 01:18:18,724 --> 01:18:20,824 the drive out and back last night, 2159 01:18:22,085 --> 01:18:24,579 and I was very slow moving this morning 2160 01:18:24,579 --> 01:18:25,479 as a result. 2161 01:18:26,579 --> 01:18:29,060 Slower than me even. Yeah. I've normally, I 2162 01:18:29,060 --> 01:18:32,199 I have a a new current routine where 2163 01:18:32,739 --> 01:18:33,239 I 2164 01:18:33,699 --> 01:18:35,779 wake up earlier than I used to. 6AM. 2165 01:18:35,779 --> 01:18:37,460 That's too fucking early, but here we are. 2166 01:18:37,460 --> 01:18:40,435 And I, I look. This engine needs a 2167 01:18:40,435 --> 01:18:42,114 lot of warming up before Mhmm. I can 2168 01:18:42,114 --> 01:18:43,715 move for the day. So I spend, like, 2169 01:18:43,715 --> 01:18:45,555 the first hour in bed. I'm I check 2170 01:18:45,555 --> 01:18:47,155 my email. I make sure nothing is on 2171 01:18:47,155 --> 01:18:49,395 fire in Discord. There usually isn't. It's very 2172 01:18:49,555 --> 01:18:51,494 our Discord is very chill. Yeah. 2173 01:18:52,619 --> 01:18:54,219 And then I read my book. Whatever book 2174 01:18:54,219 --> 01:18:55,979 I'm working on, I'm reading it. And I 2175 01:18:55,979 --> 01:18:58,380 read until, like, right before seven usually. And 2176 01:18:58,380 --> 01:18:59,819 by seven, I'm like, I'm out of the 2177 01:18:59,819 --> 01:19:01,420 bed. And I'm Yeah. I start my morning 2178 01:19:01,420 --> 01:19:03,899 routine Mhmm. My tasks for you. I go 2179 01:19:03,899 --> 01:19:05,979 for a walk. I do today was not 2180 01:19:05,979 --> 01:19:08,635 that day. No. Today 08:00, 2181 01:19:08,694 --> 01:19:10,534 I think, is when I finally got out 2182 01:19:10,534 --> 01:19:12,854 to bed. And I went, you know what? 2183 01:19:12,854 --> 01:19:14,795 I drove out and back 2184 01:19:15,654 --> 01:19:17,814 last night, at night. And, you know, I 2185 01:19:19,175 --> 01:19:21,494 I'm becoming my mother more and more every 2186 01:19:21,494 --> 01:19:23,780 year and not her best qualities. 2187 01:19:25,199 --> 01:19:27,119 Right. Right. So I don't I can drive 2188 01:19:27,119 --> 01:19:28,979 at night. I don't love it 2189 01:19:29,439 --> 01:19:29,939 because 2190 01:19:30,479 --> 01:19:31,920 I don't know if it's my glasses or 2191 01:19:31,920 --> 01:19:33,539 just my vision in general, but 2192 01:19:34,175 --> 01:19:37,135 things don't look quite right. And the the 2193 01:19:37,135 --> 01:19:39,295 road that we travel to get to the 2194 01:19:39,295 --> 01:19:41,135 20 year old, I fucking love it because 2195 01:19:41,135 --> 01:19:43,534 there's no fucking traffic on it. And it's 2196 01:19:43,534 --> 01:19:45,215 a very quiet road and It is. You 2197 01:19:45,215 --> 01:19:48,030 completely bypass the interstate. And I I love 2198 01:19:48,030 --> 01:19:50,350 driving that Oh, yeah. On that section. However, 2199 01:19:50,350 --> 01:19:52,350 at night, that means there's not a single 2200 01:19:52,350 --> 01:19:53,250 light out there 2201 01:19:53,630 --> 01:19:55,710 except for the flashing signs that tell you 2202 01:19:55,710 --> 01:19:58,030 this is where deer cross the road and 2203 01:19:58,030 --> 01:20:00,449 be watch out for deer crossing the road. 2204 01:20:00,829 --> 01:20:02,864 So I'm I'm I'm driving. 2205 01:20:03,405 --> 01:20:06,284 I'm not going like grandma slow, but I 2206 01:20:06,284 --> 01:20:08,524 am doing the actual just the speed limit, 2207 01:20:08,524 --> 01:20:10,305 which is not usually how I drive. 2208 01:20:11,164 --> 01:20:13,405 And I kept coming across the flashing little 2209 01:20:13,405 --> 01:20:15,484 signs that were like, deer crossing. I was 2210 01:20:15,484 --> 01:20:17,324 like, okay. We could do it. So that 2211 01:20:17,324 --> 01:20:19,380 time I drove into town where there's tons 2212 01:20:19,380 --> 01:20:20,979 of lights, like, my shoulders are up by 2213 01:20:20,979 --> 01:20:22,659 my ears, and I'm going to the steering 2214 01:20:22,659 --> 01:20:24,180 wheel. I was tired from that. I don't 2215 01:20:24,180 --> 01:20:25,780 think I was tired from the drive. The 2216 01:20:25,780 --> 01:20:28,260 drive was mostly fine. I apparently will be 2217 01:20:28,260 --> 01:20:30,840 making that drive again this weekend to take 2218 01:20:30,900 --> 01:20:33,220 the 20 year old, his prescription when it 2219 01:20:33,220 --> 01:20:33,675 comes through, 2220 01:20:34,314 --> 01:20:35,994 which means I will also be bringing him 2221 01:20:35,994 --> 01:20:38,974 McDonald's because that's how that always works. Whatever. 2222 01:20:41,354 --> 01:20:41,854 Yeah. 2223 01:20:42,795 --> 01:20:45,114 I don't buy his groceries anymore. So That's 2224 01:20:45,114 --> 01:20:47,135 true. That's true. I spend, like, 2225 01:20:47,675 --> 01:20:50,210 $30 a month to go see him. 2226 01:20:50,750 --> 01:20:52,750 I get ten whole minutes for her. He's 2227 01:20:52,750 --> 01:20:54,529 like, okay. I'm done now, mom. 2228 01:20:55,229 --> 01:20:56,449 I hear you. Thanks. 2229 01:21:01,390 --> 01:21:02,435 It's fine. It's 2230 01:21:02,814 --> 01:21:04,114 fine. It's fine. 2231 01:21:06,734 --> 01:21:08,975 So yeah. Oh my goodness. Can't talk about 2232 01:21:08,975 --> 01:21:10,414 too much. Hopefully, we have the Friday night 2233 01:21:10,414 --> 01:21:11,854 stream. Yeah. If I don't piss off the 2234 01:21:11,854 --> 01:21:12,755 YouTube gods. 2235 01:21:13,295 --> 01:21:16,010 Hope not. It takes so little these days. 2236 01:21:16,069 --> 01:21:16,889 Yeah. I know. 2237 01:21:17,270 --> 01:21:18,489 But I know. 2238 01:21:19,109 --> 01:21:22,309 Yeah. 8PM eastern, Friday, April, if I'm doing 2239 01:21:22,309 --> 01:21:23,449 the math right, seventeenth. 2240 01:21:23,829 --> 01:21:26,809 If today is the fifteenth, happy tax day, 2241 01:21:27,270 --> 01:21:28,569 everybody who's American. 2242 01:21:30,074 --> 01:21:30,815 Our tax 2243 01:21:31,195 --> 01:21:32,875 we do not file our own taxes. They 2244 01:21:32,875 --> 01:21:35,195 got really complicated a few years ago. We 2245 01:21:35,195 --> 01:21:37,034 pay way too much money for somebody else 2246 01:21:37,034 --> 01:21:37,695 to do it. 2247 01:21:39,195 --> 01:21:41,454 We get every year for, like, the past 2248 01:21:41,595 --> 01:21:44,250 three or four years, we've gotten an extension 2249 01:21:44,250 --> 01:21:45,310 to file them. 2250 01:21:46,010 --> 01:21:46,510 Mhmm. 2251 01:21:47,210 --> 01:21:49,050 Like, look. Well, part of that too was 2252 01:21:49,050 --> 01:21:50,489 on their end a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. 2253 01:21:50,489 --> 01:21:52,569 Yeah. She's she's was a very small shop 2254 01:21:52,569 --> 01:21:54,889 for a while. I'm just expanding again. But 2255 01:21:54,889 --> 01:21:56,409 I don't I'm fine with it. I'm like, 2256 01:21:56,409 --> 01:21:58,864 let's let's delay this. Let's delay this. 2257 01:21:59,585 --> 01:22:00,965 There hadn't been a year 2258 01:22:01,984 --> 01:22:02,885 in a decade 2259 01:22:03,505 --> 01:22:06,484 where we hadn't paid something. Right. So 2260 01:22:07,024 --> 01:22:08,625 I'm not in a rush. I'm not in 2261 01:22:08,625 --> 01:22:11,079 a a rush. Mhmm. But happy 2262 01:22:11,380 --> 01:22:13,159 tax day. Yeah. 2263 01:22:14,420 --> 01:22:16,659 I wonder with all of the craziness of 2264 01:22:16,659 --> 01:22:19,159 this country, which is just embarrassing 2265 01:22:19,460 --> 01:22:20,359 on many levels, 2266 01:22:20,979 --> 01:22:21,800 and infuriating, 2267 01:22:23,135 --> 01:22:24,735 will the post office still be open till 2268 01:22:24,735 --> 01:22:27,295 midnight to do the postmark for folks? Because 2269 01:22:27,295 --> 01:22:29,235 I know there were some changes to, like, 2270 01:22:29,375 --> 01:22:31,695 regulations and laws, but I don't know when 2271 01:22:31,695 --> 01:22:33,494 those go into effect or if they actually 2272 01:22:33,775 --> 01:22:36,095 or it gets very confusing because of that. 2273 01:22:36,095 --> 01:22:36,595 Yeah. 2274 01:22:39,319 --> 01:22:41,159 But yeah. I don't know. For for non 2275 01:22:41,159 --> 01:22:43,000 Americans who do not have to file US 2276 01:22:43,000 --> 01:22:43,500 taxes, 2277 01:22:44,439 --> 01:22:45,579 previously, historically, 2278 01:22:46,920 --> 01:22:48,760 you could if you did, like, file your 2279 01:22:48,760 --> 01:22:51,175 taxes, like, paper and you mail it in, 2280 01:22:51,175 --> 01:22:52,854 because that's what we all did pre fucking 2281 01:22:52,854 --> 01:22:53,994 Internet. Right? Mhmm. 2282 01:22:55,335 --> 01:22:57,614 As long as it was postmarked on April 2283 01:22:57,614 --> 01:22:59,975 15 or April 16 if the fifteenth fell 2284 01:22:59,975 --> 01:23:01,734 on a weekend Right. They would accept it. 2285 01:23:01,734 --> 01:23:03,594 It wouldn't be considered late. Mhmm. 2286 01:23:04,949 --> 01:23:06,310 Yeah. They they But I know they were 2287 01:23:06,310 --> 01:23:08,229 talking about changes. They they made they were 2288 01:23:08,229 --> 01:23:09,449 trying to make some changes. 2289 01:23:09,989 --> 01:23:12,470 Yeah. Not not in the taxpayer's favor. Let's 2290 01:23:12,550 --> 01:23:15,510 Yeah. No. Really. No. Well, that the changes 2291 01:23:15,510 --> 01:23:17,635 had to do with the mail in voting. 2292 01:23:17,635 --> 01:23:19,395 But That's what they're trying to affect, but 2293 01:23:19,395 --> 01:23:20,675 what it means is that they're trying to 2294 01:23:20,675 --> 01:23:21,335 affect everything. 2295 01:23:21,715 --> 01:23:23,314 Right? Because they don't think through these things 2296 01:23:23,314 --> 01:23:25,154 through. Yeah. Because why would we do that? 2297 01:23:25,154 --> 01:23:26,435 I'm not we don't we're not getting on 2298 01:23:26,435 --> 01:23:28,295 that soapbox at this point. We could 2299 01:23:28,755 --> 01:23:31,234 we can't handle it now. Yeah. Not at 2300 01:23:31,234 --> 01:23:31,895 the end. 2301 01:23:32,560 --> 01:23:34,159 Not at the end. I don't want my, 2302 01:23:34,400 --> 01:23:37,119 the my eyebrow to twitch. Well, you know, 2303 01:23:37,119 --> 01:23:39,300 it was funny. I eyelid. I was kinda 2304 01:23:39,439 --> 01:23:40,900 looking at the, chat 2305 01:23:41,920 --> 01:23:42,420 throughout, 2306 01:23:42,720 --> 01:23:44,720 and, I think it was Tayce who made 2307 01:23:44,720 --> 01:23:45,255 a comment that, 2308 01:23:45,895 --> 01:23:47,895 giving off a little bit of comedic vibes 2309 01:23:47,895 --> 01:23:50,534 with the, lap desk and holding the mic 2310 01:23:50,534 --> 01:23:51,034 and 2311 01:23:52,854 --> 01:23:53,595 You're adorable. 2312 01:23:55,895 --> 01:23:56,715 I'm something. 2313 01:23:58,609 --> 01:24:00,289 Aren't we all? Yeah. I got I got 2314 01:24:00,289 --> 01:24:01,889 nothing for that. Oh, I saw was it 2315 01:24:01,889 --> 01:24:02,389 silent 2316 01:24:02,689 --> 01:24:04,369 who said this, still need to do the 2317 01:24:04,369 --> 01:24:05,189 kids' taxes? 2318 01:24:05,969 --> 01:24:08,289 I'm sure it's probably different between Canada and, 2319 01:24:08,449 --> 01:24:10,064 The US. I do the 20 year old's 2320 01:24:10,145 --> 01:24:11,925 taxes for him, but he is a simple 2321 01:24:11,984 --> 01:24:15,344 ten forty easy. Yeah. I'm like, I go 2322 01:24:15,344 --> 01:24:17,344 to TurboTax and I click a few buttons. 2323 01:24:17,344 --> 01:24:19,425 Did they try to charge me $60 this 2324 01:24:19,425 --> 01:24:21,265 year for a form I did not use 2325 01:24:21,265 --> 01:24:22,470 and never filled out the information for? Uh-huh. 2326 01:24:22,949 --> 01:24:25,110 Uh-huh. Did they make it hard to find 2327 01:24:25,110 --> 01:24:27,110 the link to to get the free version? 2328 01:24:27,110 --> 01:24:29,190 Because it was very simple. But yes. They 2329 01:24:29,190 --> 01:24:30,869 did. But Yeah. Did I get that child's 2330 01:24:30,869 --> 01:24:33,050 taxes done for free? Yes. Fuck. I did. 2331 01:24:34,550 --> 01:24:35,050 Yeah. 2332 01:24:36,725 --> 01:24:38,905 For tax purposes, he's still a dependent. 2333 01:24:39,284 --> 01:24:39,925 And that's, 2334 01:24:40,405 --> 01:24:42,164 so he he's able to stay on our 2335 01:24:42,164 --> 01:24:43,225 insurance and, 2336 01:24:44,885 --> 01:24:48,005 blah blah blah. So his his taxes are 2337 01:24:48,005 --> 01:24:50,324 very simple. Yeah. So I while he's in 2338 01:24:50,324 --> 01:24:51,845 college, I said, I will do these for 2339 01:24:51,845 --> 01:24:53,340 you while you're in college because, 2340 01:24:55,020 --> 01:24:56,699 this is not a thing I care about 2341 01:24:56,699 --> 01:25:00,060 you focusing on or forget or forgetting about 2342 01:25:00,220 --> 01:25:00,720 Mhmm. 2343 01:25:01,579 --> 01:25:03,680 While you're in school. But when you graduate, 2344 01:25:04,539 --> 01:25:06,015 I will I will teach you how it's 2345 01:25:06,015 --> 01:25:07,375 not hard. You can do it as long 2346 01:25:07,375 --> 01:25:09,314 as you're a w two employee. 2347 01:25:09,694 --> 01:25:11,614 Taxes are fairly easy. You you know me 2348 01:25:11,614 --> 01:25:14,094 in numbers. When I was, younger, H and 2349 01:25:14,094 --> 01:25:16,654 R Block was my friend. Oh, my mine 2350 01:25:16,654 --> 01:25:17,154 too. 2351 01:25:17,694 --> 01:25:18,515 Mine too. 2352 01:25:20,149 --> 01:25:22,310 For a while to save money. Oh, no. 2353 01:25:22,310 --> 01:25:24,469 Ella, do not climb the tripod. Do not 2354 01:25:24,469 --> 01:25:26,409 climb the tripod. Oh my god. 2355 01:25:28,389 --> 01:25:30,069 To save money for a couple years before 2356 01:25:30,069 --> 01:25:31,050 I was self employed, 2357 01:25:31,429 --> 01:25:33,109 I would use TurboTax to do my own 2358 01:25:33,109 --> 01:25:33,609 taxes. 2359 01:25:34,295 --> 01:25:35,654 And then a few years after I was 2360 01:25:35,654 --> 01:25:37,034 self employed, I used TurboTax 2361 01:25:37,494 --> 01:25:38,474 to save money. 2362 01:25:38,854 --> 01:25:40,694 Shaking every time I hit submit. I was 2363 01:25:40,694 --> 01:25:41,974 like, I'm sure I fucked this up. I'm 2364 01:25:41,974 --> 01:25:43,654 sure I fucked this up. And then I 2365 01:25:43,654 --> 01:25:45,895 I, you know, over time you learn that 2366 01:25:45,895 --> 01:25:48,420 in other countries, your government keeps up with 2367 01:25:48,420 --> 01:25:50,659 it for you and just tells you what 2368 01:25:50,659 --> 01:25:52,119 you owe if you owe 2369 01:25:52,659 --> 01:25:53,159 anything. 2370 01:25:55,619 --> 01:25:56,920 It could be that easy. 2371 01:25:57,699 --> 01:25:59,960 Now our taxes are complicated because 2372 01:26:00,420 --> 01:26:03,074 self employed, we're a business, we're an LLC, 2373 01:26:03,074 --> 01:26:05,314 and we're an s corp. Yeah. 2374 01:26:05,715 --> 01:26:08,135 And that has been the s corp. 2375 01:26:08,675 --> 01:26:10,594 Anybody who is a business, feel free to 2376 01:26:10,594 --> 01:26:11,635 look into it to see if it's a 2377 01:26:11,635 --> 01:26:13,314 good thing for you. I would not know, 2378 01:26:13,314 --> 01:26:14,295 could not give advice. 2379 01:26:14,755 --> 01:26:17,489 That has made paying taxes much less painful. 2380 01:26:17,489 --> 01:26:19,349 Yeah. Much less painful. 2381 01:26:19,889 --> 01:26:21,729 The year I pay I had to stroke 2382 01:26:21,729 --> 01:26:24,130 a check for, like, $12,000, 2383 01:26:24,130 --> 01:26:26,609 I was like, so which which 10 foot 2384 01:26:26,609 --> 01:26:28,529 portion of the highway is mine? What did 2385 01:26:28,529 --> 01:26:29,505 I just pay 2386 01:26:30,545 --> 01:26:31,045 for? 2387 01:26:31,425 --> 01:26:33,364 Oh my god. Woah. The tripod. 2388 01:26:33,744 --> 01:26:35,045 Sure, Lola. Just 2389 01:26:35,824 --> 01:26:37,844 just nearly knocked the tripod over. 2390 01:26:38,625 --> 01:26:40,304 We might I don't know what the solution 2391 01:26:40,304 --> 01:26:42,145 is. We might need to get another solution. 2392 01:26:42,145 --> 01:26:43,610 I I have no ideas. 2393 01:26:44,229 --> 01:26:46,149 But I we need to get some of 2394 01:26:46,149 --> 01:26:46,630 those, 2395 01:26:47,030 --> 01:26:49,050 strips that go across to hide the cables. 2396 01:26:49,110 --> 01:26:50,729 Maybe that's it. Yeah. I don't know. 2397 01:26:51,270 --> 01:26:51,770 Yep. 2398 01:26:52,470 --> 01:26:54,710 Yep. Yeah. But yeah. If you work for 2399 01:26:54,710 --> 01:26:55,210 yourself, 2400 01:26:56,390 --> 01:26:58,525 and you just do self employed tax, Yeah. 2401 01:26:58,525 --> 01:27:00,685 It's pain it's fucking painful Yeah. In The 2402 01:27:00,685 --> 01:27:01,185 US. 2403 01:27:02,204 --> 01:27:02,864 S corp 2404 01:27:03,324 --> 01:27:03,824 saved 2405 01:27:04,445 --> 01:27:07,645 our ass up to that. Mhmm. So Yeah. 2406 01:27:07,645 --> 01:27:09,185 In a big way. Mhmm. 2407 01:27:11,260 --> 01:27:13,520 And that is my tax advice for today. 2408 01:27:14,140 --> 01:27:14,640 Google 2409 01:27:15,100 --> 01:27:17,659 an s corp, the letter s, c o 2410 01:27:17,659 --> 01:27:18,399 r p. 2411 01:27:18,780 --> 01:27:20,539 I don't remember what it stands for. It's 2412 01:27:20,539 --> 01:27:22,619 a tax something something. It did make doing 2413 01:27:22,619 --> 01:27:25,145 my taxes more complicated and expensive, so I 2414 01:27:25,145 --> 01:27:27,225 hire a very nice lady to do that 2415 01:27:27,225 --> 01:27:28,984 for her. Mhmm. And she does a fine 2416 01:27:28,984 --> 01:27:30,744 job. And she does not blink at the 2417 01:27:30,744 --> 01:27:32,185 fact that all this stuff comes through that 2418 01:27:32,185 --> 01:27:33,085 says the kinkery. 2419 01:27:33,704 --> 01:27:35,784 Nothing says loving BDSM. I do all of 2420 01:27:35,784 --> 01:27:39,130 that under our, like, LLC name. But, like, 2421 01:27:39,590 --> 01:27:41,470 there's there's shit that comes through and I 2422 01:27:41,510 --> 01:27:43,430 she doesn't even question. She's like, it's just 2423 01:27:43,430 --> 01:27:45,130 numbers, whatever. And I'm like, 2424 01:27:45,909 --> 01:27:47,670 thank you very much. I'll give you all 2425 01:27:47,670 --> 01:27:49,395 my money to not have to do this. 2426 01:27:50,835 --> 01:27:51,335 So 2427 01:27:52,034 --> 01:27:53,095 anyway. Anyhoo. 2428 01:27:53,795 --> 01:27:55,795 I guess we should be done. Yeah. Still 2429 01:27:55,795 --> 01:27:58,375 have things to ramble about on Friday. Mhmm. 2430 01:27:58,435 --> 01:27:59,954 And there it will be rambly and it 2431 01:27:59,954 --> 01:28:01,795 will be chaotic because, of course, it will 2432 01:28:01,795 --> 01:28:04,380 be. What else? Hopefully, the audio will be 2433 01:28:04,380 --> 01:28:07,199 fine. Yeah. We'll find out together. Mhmm. 2434 01:28:08,060 --> 01:28:08,539 So 2435 01:28:08,939 --> 01:28:11,679 So Alright. I guess we're gonna go. Yeah. 2436 01:28:13,260 --> 01:28:15,020 Hopefully, we'll see you Friday. Mhmm. Thanks for 2437 01:28:15,020 --> 01:28:16,960 being here, especially to the bitter end. Yeah. 2438 01:28:17,020 --> 01:28:17,520 And, 2439 01:28:18,539 --> 01:28:21,015 we're gonna go. Okay. Bye. Bye.