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You're listening to the Loving BDSM podcast episode

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four seventy eight. Kayla Lords here with the

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one, the only,

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the man who likes change about as much

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as I do but still goes along with

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it because,

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sure, why not? John Brownstone.

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Change is inevitable.

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It is. It still sucks. Yep.

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Even when it's change we've asked for. So

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visually, obviously,

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y'all would not be able to tell the

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changes we have made That's true. To our

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podcast setup. But you might notice slight differences

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because,

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JB's got a keyboard in his lap

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now, and I'm

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doing stuff off of my phone instead of

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the,

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screen

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because we actually don't have any technology directly

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in front of us or in between us

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anymore. Yep.

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In a perfect world, once we get used

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to this Mhmm. This should be seamless.

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Correct. I think it will be simpler, cleaner.

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But until then, we're

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just,

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fumble around like drunk raccoons.

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That'd be great.

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Yeah. Yeah. I'm down with it.

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And while we're fumbling,

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like the drunk raccoons,

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this week, yes, we were not around last

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week. We will talk about that in a

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little bit. But this week we are gonna

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respond to a questions asked on the kinky

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side of Reddit.

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I picked one,

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maybe two, because they were infuriating.

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Mhmm. But also because there was not nuance,

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but there was a little thing and I

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went, let me poke at that little thing

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there. So I didn't just pick it on

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the off chance I would rant until,

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you know, my blood pressure spiked.

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But I kinda knew what I was looking

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at. Yeah. Yeah. Mhmm.

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Anyway,

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welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this

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your first time listening, glad to have you.

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If you're back for another week, welcome back.

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Loving BDSM is produced every Friday for your

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kinky pleasure in education and show notes are

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found at lovingbdsm.net.

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Come back often and feel free to add

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the podcast to your favorite podcast app,

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if you have not already and you are

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willing to do so, we would love it

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if you would

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rate, review whatever your podcast app allows.

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That does help other kinksters find us. And

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we have talked to a few kinksters who

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have found us recently

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through, the podcast. So it does work and

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it does help, and we appreciate you.

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You can also follow the show on FetLife

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at loving BDSM PC

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on Instagram and, technically, threads that handle I

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will forever

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fucking

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hate. It makes me so

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it's loving

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d s,

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not BDSM.

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Loving d s and the number one. So

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the the handle is at loving d s

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one. I hate it so much.

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On blue sky at loving BDSM,

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or on YouTube at youtube.com/lovingbdsm

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where you can watch us live stream the

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podcast every Wednesday. All links are in the

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show notes. A big thanks as always to

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our kinky patrons over on Patreon, including our

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newest peeps.

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We are

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grateful for every fucking body. Yes, ma'am. And

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we are able to keep being weirdos on

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the Internet in large part because of our

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kinky patrons.

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We wouldn't be here without them. I

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mean, very clear. I don't know if we

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would have made it this long without our

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patrons.

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If you'd like to join our kinky community

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and get access to extra content and a

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Discord server,

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and make sure we continue to be weirdos

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on the Internet for at least another decade,

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you could do that. Just join us at

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patreon.com/kaylalords.

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That's patreon.com/kaylalords,

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or use a link in the show notes.

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And away we go. Okay. Before we,

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get into potential ranting,

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real quick,

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where the hell were we last week?

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So for podcast listeners, this should not affect

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you, but it definitely did.

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Right after

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oh,

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two weeks ago, I guess. Yeah. That that

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Wednesday livestream Thursday

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morning,

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YouTube put us in the corner. Mhmm. It

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gave us a community strike. We should win

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it on appeal.

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We did not

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we you could still win an appeal ages

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after you submit it, but they did not

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get to an appeal

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in order to cut short our time out.

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Our time out was for a week.

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So we knew we couldn't do a live

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stream the following Wednesday. That was last week.

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And so we went,

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why don't why don't we just take a

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break? We'll just take a week off. So

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we didn't even record an audio podcast. Mhmm.

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YouTube gave us the strike also the day

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before that Friday night livestream.

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Yeah. So that sucked.

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And then JB had plans for the following

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Friday when YouTube would let us stream. But

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Mhmm. Yeah. I made plans prior to all

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He had plans. So we I was not

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going to, like, bat my eyelashes or do

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any guilty bullshit. Be like, can't we just

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do

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just go go have fun.

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I will sit on the couch in my

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comfy clothes and read my book. Yeah.

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So that's where the hell we were. Mhmm.

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And then once I we called it a

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break, I treated it like an actual break.

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I didn't send out a newsletter. I, you

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know, didn't do a whole lot online except

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to complain

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about not being out of the corner, you

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know, that kind of stuff. So if you

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were like, where's the episode? Where's the video?

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Where's where was the live stream? Blame YouTube.

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Blame YouTube. Just blame YouTube. I'm just what

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I'm gonna do is blame YouTube. Yeah.

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Okay. So

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let us get into

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the very first

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Reddit post. Okay.

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Are you fucking kidding me, Reddit?

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I had it pulled up and ready to

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go, and the Reddit app

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just relaunched and said, no. I don't wanna

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be here anymore. Okay. Here we go. Okay.

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This one is a long one. So

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pardon me on this one.

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Dom keeps pushing things too far, and I

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don't know what to do.

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I've been with my daddy since around November.

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It was a long distance relationship at first,

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but he recently moved to my city.

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Overall, it's been a great relationship. He treats

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me like a proper princess and has been

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a good communicator in general. But I'm really

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struggling with this one thing that keeps happening

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in the bedroom, and I don't know if

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it's enough of a red flag that I

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should bail.

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Daddy likes to spank me, and in general,

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I like spankings. But I have a couple

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of long term health conditions that impact my

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stamina for impact play. It can just exhaust

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me and overload my nervous system before we

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even finish. So I have a handful of

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rules for daddy when it comes to Spanx,

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and he has broken them. The rules are

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pretty minor. We have an agreed upon hardness

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level, and I don't want him to go

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over 20 spanx in a given session. 15

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to 20 is my sweet zone where I

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get what I need to, you know, out

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of it without being too tired to keep

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playing.

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The first time this happened, we hadn't really

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talked through specifics and he ended up giving

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me something like 50 Spanx.

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It was at the end of a long

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day and on a work night and I

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got pretty pissed at him for pushing things

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that far on a work night knowing my

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conditions.

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We talked it out and I laid down

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the ground rules above. We had a couple

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practice sessions,

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even to make sure he knew how hard

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I wanted him. Then last night, after we'd

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been out to dinner with friends, one of

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whom was a recovering alcoholic, so nobody was

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drinking,

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we came back to my place exhausted.

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I asked if he wanted to stay for

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some playtime, but figured he knew I wouldn't

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want anything too intense or drawn out. We

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made out for an agonizingly long time and

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then he took me upstairs and started spanking

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me. It was harder than what we've talked

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about and he just kept going well past

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twenty.

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I stopped him somewhere around twenty five to

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thirty. He told me I was a good

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girl for stopping him and I kind of

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lost my temper at that. Told him he

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was not being a good dom, that he

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should have remembered. He said he was sorry

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and that he hadn't been keeping count, and

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I told him he really should have been.

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He was apologetic and didn't really take but

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didn't really take ownership of what happened. He

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said he was still learning about me and

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my limits and that he wanted to learn

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and was trying to do better. I don't

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feel like that's good enough when I've been

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extremely clear about those limits and it's been

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a problem before.

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Once is a learning experience but twice feels

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egregious.

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I told him it wasn't fair to expect

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me to keep being his practice dummy for

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learning how to read people and respect their

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limits when it's my safety on the line.

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That if the expectation was just for him

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to quote try

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while this might still happen again,

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and then I'm just supposed to be patient

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while he abuses my body, that's unacceptable.

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I said he needed a concrete plan to

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ensure this never happens again for me to

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consider getting back into bed with him. He

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went home to think on things and I

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went to bed.

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I'm still processing how I feel about this,

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but I'm curious how other subs would handle

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the situation. Of course, I want to maintain

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the relationship.

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If I want to maintain the relationship, there's

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plenty we could do to avoid this situation

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in the future. I could count while he

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spanks. He could check-in more. We could sign

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a contract. But I don't know that I

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necessarily should cons be considering

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the dis okay. Hold on. Why can't I

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read?

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But I don't know that I necessarily should

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should considering the disregard he's shown my well-being

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in the bedroom. So what do you guys

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think? Should I give an inexperienced dom another

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chance knowing it might lead to more hurt

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in the future, or should I just close

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the book on this one, wish him well,

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and cut my losses? I'm feeling really conflicted.

270
00:09:36,554 --> 00:09:38,154
There is an update, but I'm not gonna

271
00:09:38,154 --> 00:09:39,115
read that until

272
00:09:39,514 --> 00:09:41,695
Until after? Yeah. Okay. So,

273
00:09:42,019 --> 00:09:44,100
I mean, we know the answer, but you

274
00:09:44,100 --> 00:09:46,820
made a grunting noise. So please Yeah. Go

275
00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:47,799
ahead. Well,

276
00:09:48,179 --> 00:09:48,919
you you

277
00:09:49,299 --> 00:09:50,919
know, just the fact that

278
00:09:53,059 --> 00:09:54,759
this person has this

279
00:09:55,394 --> 00:09:56,134
health condition,

280
00:09:56,754 --> 00:09:58,675
and they have to stay within those Right.

281
00:09:58,835 --> 00:10:00,995
Parameters. And they made those parameters clear. Quite

282
00:10:00,995 --> 00:10:02,915
clear in the beginning. Mhmm. You know, the

283
00:10:02,915 --> 00:10:05,475
the only thing I would say on on

284
00:10:05,475 --> 00:10:07,555
the other side of this and and it's

285
00:10:07,555 --> 00:10:10,215
such a minor thing. Mhmm. You know,

286
00:10:12,330 --> 00:10:13,470
When talked about,

287
00:10:13,850 --> 00:10:15,289
you know When they got home after When

288
00:10:15,289 --> 00:10:16,350
they got home afterwards

289
00:10:16,730 --> 00:10:18,269
and, you know, there were,

290
00:10:18,809 --> 00:10:22,029
in this person's mind, expectations. It was obvious.

291
00:10:22,090 --> 00:10:24,330
Air quote. Air quote that. Obvious. Right? Alright.

292
00:10:24,330 --> 00:10:25,034
Yeah. You know?

293
00:10:26,074 --> 00:10:27,674
No. You know, you should Right. You know,

294
00:10:27,674 --> 00:10:29,115
hey. You know, it's a work night, so

295
00:10:29,115 --> 00:10:30,875
let's not do anything too extreme. You gotta

296
00:10:30,875 --> 00:10:33,034
be really clear. Yeah. You caught the exact

297
00:10:33,034 --> 00:10:34,254
thing I caught because,

298
00:10:34,954 --> 00:10:37,514
no, this the sub should not have to

299
00:10:37,514 --> 00:10:40,789
expect to be their Dom's practice dummy like

300
00:10:40,789 --> 00:10:41,690
that. Right?

301
00:10:43,589 --> 00:10:44,089
So

302
00:10:44,629 --> 00:10:47,110
personally, by the second time when you've had

303
00:10:47,110 --> 00:10:47,929
the conversations

304
00:10:48,389 --> 00:10:51,110
along the way about here's the number we

305
00:10:51,110 --> 00:10:53,370
need to stay in and here's my threshold

306
00:10:53,509 --> 00:10:53,919
for intensity.

307
00:10:55,985 --> 00:10:58,884
You know, if this person was like,

308
00:10:59,745 --> 00:11:01,345
I don't trust you to, like I think

309
00:11:01,345 --> 00:11:03,345
that's fair. And a 100% would be like,

310
00:11:03,345 --> 00:11:04,784
yeah. I mean, there there might even be

311
00:11:04,784 --> 00:11:05,605
some incompatibility

312
00:11:06,065 --> 00:11:07,684
there too. True. You know?

313
00:11:09,299 --> 00:11:11,879
Again, because everything is on a spectrum. Mhmm.

314
00:11:11,940 --> 00:11:12,440
Right?

315
00:11:13,139 --> 00:11:15,000
He may need somebody that

316
00:11:15,620 --> 00:11:18,500
he can go harder on. Absolutely. Or somebody

317
00:11:18,740 --> 00:11:19,879
and here's the thing.

318
00:11:20,580 --> 00:11:22,600
It's possible that he needs a more

319
00:11:23,714 --> 00:11:24,695
experienced submissive.

320
00:11:26,434 --> 00:11:29,815
But that is, you know, conjecture because I

321
00:11:29,954 --> 00:11:31,254
don't know. Is he

322
00:11:31,875 --> 00:11:34,934
disregarding his sub completely? Is he truly

323
00:11:35,629 --> 00:11:36,450
just forgetting?

324
00:11:37,629 --> 00:11:39,870
The forget see the forgetting would bother me

325
00:11:39,870 --> 00:11:41,889
anyway because it means you are not

326
00:11:42,750 --> 00:11:45,330
paying enough attention before you even start

327
00:11:46,110 --> 00:11:46,850
a scene

328
00:11:47,149 --> 00:11:48,850
to like kind of run down the parameters.

329
00:11:48,990 --> 00:11:51,684
For future, right, or I guess if you

330
00:11:51,684 --> 00:11:54,084
wanted to stay with this person. But in

331
00:11:54,084 --> 00:11:57,304
the future, what I would probably suggest is

332
00:11:57,924 --> 00:12:00,024
before every scene there's clear conversation,

333
00:12:00,644 --> 00:12:01,464
clear communication.

334
00:12:02,245 --> 00:12:04,870
Yes. You're gonna remind, hey, 15 to 20.

335
00:12:04,870 --> 00:12:06,169
Hey. Don't forget my

336
00:12:06,950 --> 00:12:08,730
my intensity level. Right?

337
00:12:09,429 --> 00:12:12,230
Especially when you're you're new to to kink

338
00:12:12,230 --> 00:12:14,409
in general, but you're new to each other.

339
00:12:14,950 --> 00:12:17,450
There's not a damn thing wrong with

340
00:12:17,754 --> 00:12:19,694
kind of going over it

341
00:12:20,154 --> 00:12:21,214
multiple times

342
00:12:21,754 --> 00:12:23,595
until it does become a little bit of

343
00:12:23,595 --> 00:12:25,355
muscle memory. And and let's face it. They

344
00:12:25,434 --> 00:12:27,034
I think if I remember correctly, they were

345
00:12:27,034 --> 00:12:29,115
long distance. They started out, and then he

346
00:12:29,115 --> 00:12:31,799
moved to her city. Move. You know? And,

347
00:12:31,799 --> 00:12:33,419
you know, we know all too

348
00:12:34,440 --> 00:12:35,980
well a lot of times, you know,

349
00:12:36,440 --> 00:12:39,000
just because you erase that difference doesn't mean

350
00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:41,259
everything goes smoothly. Right. Exactly.

351
00:12:41,639 --> 00:12:44,000
Yeah. I'm I'm not impressed with him Mhmm.

352
00:12:44,120 --> 00:12:46,464
Because once it went wrong the first time

353
00:12:46,705 --> 00:12:48,725
Yeah. The then it was

354
00:12:49,105 --> 00:12:51,825
on him for sure as the dom, and

355
00:12:51,825 --> 00:12:54,225
I can understand an inexperienced dom not knowing

356
00:12:54,225 --> 00:12:56,144
this, but it was on him to make

357
00:12:56,144 --> 00:12:59,205
sure it didn't happen again. Right. Now the

358
00:12:59,420 --> 00:13:01,279
the life lesson for the submissive

359
00:13:01,740 --> 00:13:02,559
going forward

360
00:13:03,180 --> 00:13:05,360
is when you're playing with somebody new,

361
00:13:05,740 --> 00:13:07,820
you don't assume they know where you're at.

362
00:13:07,820 --> 00:13:10,620
You get it real freaking clear. And, you

363
00:13:10,620 --> 00:13:12,445
know, I I get it. I know there

364
00:13:12,445 --> 00:13:13,804
are some subs out there who'd be like,

365
00:13:13,804 --> 00:13:15,804
oh, well, it takes the spontaneity way. It

366
00:13:15,804 --> 00:13:17,184
takes the excitement away.

367
00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:19,345
I mean, yeah. But,

368
00:13:21,085 --> 00:13:22,384
having somebody, like,

369
00:13:23,164 --> 00:13:24,225
cross your boundaries,

370
00:13:24,919 --> 00:13:27,320
is a type of spontaneity and excitement that

371
00:13:27,320 --> 00:13:29,500
nobody asked for and wanted. So maybe

372
00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:31,980
stay on the side of caution,

373
00:13:32,360 --> 00:13:34,440
air on the side of caution, and just

374
00:13:34,440 --> 00:13:37,034
say it again and be very clear.

375
00:13:37,575 --> 00:13:39,654
Like, just so you know, yeah, I'm definitely

376
00:13:39,654 --> 00:13:42,934
down for whatever, but here's my here's my

377
00:13:42,934 --> 00:13:44,615
energy level. Here's what I think I can

378
00:13:44,615 --> 00:13:45,115
handle.

379
00:13:45,654 --> 00:13:46,475
Please remember

380
00:13:47,014 --> 00:13:49,674
15 to 20 blah blah blah. You know,

381
00:13:50,695 --> 00:13:51,754
you're you're

382
00:13:52,230 --> 00:13:53,929
you're not topping from the bottom

383
00:13:54,309 --> 00:13:56,169
to reiterate those limits.

384
00:13:57,350 --> 00:13:59,429
Dom's should not get, you know, their hurt

385
00:13:59,509 --> 00:14:01,190
their feelings hurt or their panties in a

386
00:14:01,190 --> 00:14:03,129
twist when their sub is like, hey.

387
00:14:03,509 --> 00:14:04,950
You might not be used to playing with

388
00:14:04,950 --> 00:14:06,914
somebody with health conditions. You I get it.

389
00:14:06,914 --> 00:14:08,914
This is not top of mind for you

390
00:14:08,914 --> 00:14:11,075
yet. Now then it is incumbent on that

391
00:14:11,075 --> 00:14:12,294
dominant to make

392
00:14:12,835 --> 00:14:15,254
it top of mind for themselves, you know.

393
00:14:15,554 --> 00:14:17,975
Does that maybe take time? Does that take

394
00:14:18,034 --> 00:14:20,600
tools like something on in your notes app

395
00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:23,000
or a reminder or a checklist or whatever?

396
00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:25,899
Yeah. Yeah. But that's part of it for

397
00:14:26,120 --> 00:14:28,839
anybody you're playing with, but especially somebody who's

398
00:14:28,839 --> 00:14:30,759
like, I got it. I got health issues,

399
00:14:30,759 --> 00:14:32,279
and we have to be careful because it

400
00:14:32,279 --> 00:14:34,654
absolutely will impact my health. I give this

401
00:14:34,654 --> 00:14:36,115
person credit Mhmm.

402
00:14:36,815 --> 00:14:38,815
For speaking up Yes. Once he got to

403
00:14:38,815 --> 00:14:40,894
the twenty five, thirty, you know, that was

404
00:14:40,894 --> 00:14:42,514
over and, you know, then, hey.

405
00:14:42,894 --> 00:14:45,455
Right. You gotta stop. Right. Exactly. I I

406
00:14:45,455 --> 00:14:47,535
give her credit to that, not just sitting

407
00:14:47,535 --> 00:14:50,269
there and taking it. A 100%. And I

408
00:14:50,269 --> 00:14:51,490
I think that,

409
00:14:52,590 --> 00:14:54,110
if I don't think I could play with

410
00:14:54,110 --> 00:14:56,509
somebody who fucked it up twice. Once once

411
00:14:56,509 --> 00:14:57,649
I'd be real leery.

412
00:14:58,430 --> 00:15:00,670
Once I would the trust would still have

413
00:15:00,670 --> 00:15:03,009
to be rebuilt, but, by the second time?

414
00:15:03,154 --> 00:15:04,995
And a oops, I'm just learning? I mean,

415
00:15:04,995 --> 00:15:06,674
that you know, here's what kills me. That

416
00:15:06,674 --> 00:15:09,394
can be factually true Mhmm. But that is

417
00:15:09,394 --> 00:15:10,375
not a reassurance

418
00:15:10,995 --> 00:15:13,475
that somebody who is whose own health and

419
00:15:13,475 --> 00:15:14,615
safety has been disregarded.

420
00:15:14,995 --> 00:15:17,154
It that doesn't do anything. It doesn't mean

421
00:15:17,154 --> 00:15:18,054
anything. Like,

422
00:15:18,959 --> 00:15:21,299
okay. Sure. I guess that's actually true,

423
00:15:21,679 --> 00:15:23,519
but what have you done to show you

424
00:15:23,519 --> 00:15:25,200
actually gave a crap about me as a

425
00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:26,879
human to make sure you did not fuck

426
00:15:26,879 --> 00:15:29,279
this up? Yeah. But for the sub for

427
00:15:29,279 --> 00:15:31,200
few you know, for the future, for anybody

428
00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:33,200
else, do not be afraid to go, okay.

429
00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:35,835
Let's check-in real quick. Just a reminder.

430
00:15:36,214 --> 00:15:38,634
Just, you know, don't forget. Because

431
00:15:39,014 --> 00:15:41,335
quite frankly, if you're giving those reminders and

432
00:15:41,335 --> 00:15:43,014
the first time they fuck it up after

433
00:15:43,014 --> 00:15:44,134
you've said it explicitly

434
00:15:44,455 --> 00:15:45,674
Mhmm. That'll be information

435
00:15:46,210 --> 00:15:48,210
to use and decide if you wanna stay

436
00:15:48,210 --> 00:15:49,110
there or not. Right.

437
00:15:49,649 --> 00:15:51,169
But that was the thing I noticed was

438
00:15:51,169 --> 00:15:53,490
the assumption. Oh, he would know. I didn't

439
00:15:53,730 --> 00:15:54,870
Yeah. Yeah. Sadly,

440
00:15:56,049 --> 00:15:56,549
clearly,

441
00:15:57,009 --> 00:15:58,549
no. He would not. Right.

442
00:15:59,169 --> 00:15:59,669
Yeah.

443
00:16:00,450 --> 00:16:02,534
It's in general just

444
00:16:02,995 --> 00:16:05,254
Mhmm. I mean, after all these years together,

445
00:16:05,634 --> 00:16:08,034
you can usually tell when I'm, like, exhausted

446
00:16:08,034 --> 00:16:09,875
or wiped or whatever. And even then, we're

447
00:16:09,875 --> 00:16:12,115
still gonna take, like, half a second to

448
00:16:12,115 --> 00:16:14,110
go, whoo. I'm tired. I don't know how

449
00:16:14,110 --> 00:16:15,389
much I can handle or, oh, I don't

450
00:16:15,389 --> 00:16:16,909
have a lot of energy for, and it's

451
00:16:16,909 --> 00:16:18,389
just sort of part of the conversation that

452
00:16:18,389 --> 00:16:19,169
we go on.

453
00:16:19,549 --> 00:16:21,089
Now, the update.

454
00:16:22,350 --> 00:16:24,589
Update. Thanks everyone for your kind advice and

455
00:16:24,589 --> 00:16:26,669
the sound reality checks dropped in the comments

456
00:16:26,669 --> 00:16:29,235
below. I have decided to block this person

457
00:16:29,235 --> 00:16:32,595
after receiving the following air quote apology text

458
00:16:32,595 --> 00:16:33,654
later this morning.

459
00:16:34,035 --> 00:16:36,035
Quote, I'm sorry for last night, baby. Truly,

460
00:16:36,035 --> 00:16:37,715
I didn't mean for a couple of spanks

461
00:16:37,715 --> 00:16:39,475
too many to ruin what was otherwise a

462
00:16:39,475 --> 00:16:41,715
really nice evening. I promise you there was

463
00:16:41,715 --> 00:16:44,019
no intent for a long scene. I hope

464
00:16:44,019 --> 00:16:44,839
we can talk

465
00:16:46,059 --> 00:16:46,559
soon.

466
00:16:47,779 --> 00:16:49,700
Well, good good on this person on the

467
00:16:49,700 --> 00:16:51,639
sub for being like, you gotta go.

468
00:16:52,740 --> 00:16:55,959
This could lead into the intent versus impact

469
00:16:56,019 --> 00:16:58,865
conversation. Like, you could have the best of

470
00:16:58,865 --> 00:17:00,565
intentions, but if your impact

471
00:17:01,105 --> 00:17:03,745
harms somebody who gives a fuck about your

472
00:17:03,745 --> 00:17:04,244
intentions.

473
00:17:05,265 --> 00:17:07,984
Well, I intended to drive to work safely,

474
00:17:07,984 --> 00:17:10,404
but I caused a 10 car pileup.

475
00:17:10,785 --> 00:17:13,184
That's not my fault. I was try I

476
00:17:13,184 --> 00:17:15,340
meant to go to work safely. Like,

477
00:17:15,720 --> 00:17:16,220
okay.

478
00:17:17,960 --> 00:17:19,180
Yeah. Anyway,

479
00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:21,720
so that was the update, which is nice.

480
00:17:21,720 --> 00:17:23,259
It's nice to see because

481
00:17:24,360 --> 00:17:26,440
too often, we we don't find out if

482
00:17:26,440 --> 00:17:28,134
they, like, did the

483
00:17:28,514 --> 00:17:30,855
thing that we thought they should do. Okay.

484
00:17:30,914 --> 00:17:32,694
Next one. Okay. K.

485
00:17:33,554 --> 00:17:35,255
Come on, Reddit. Load. Okay.

486
00:17:36,434 --> 00:17:37,575
Toy versus

487
00:17:37,875 --> 00:17:40,450
sub question mark. Hi, everyone. I'm new to

488
00:17:40,450 --> 00:17:41,750
this subreddit in particular.

489
00:17:42,130 --> 00:17:44,289
I'm kinda new still to this lifestyle as

490
00:17:44,289 --> 00:17:44,789
well.

491
00:17:45,090 --> 00:17:47,730
I, 30 female, just ended things with my

492
00:17:47,730 --> 00:17:51,090
long distance ish dom, 30 male. We are

493
00:17:51,090 --> 00:17:52,769
both poly and he has a wife and

494
00:17:52,769 --> 00:17:55,325
a girlfriend already. I had met them both.

495
00:17:55,325 --> 00:17:57,585
They're lovely. Now onto the issue.

496
00:17:58,125 --> 00:17:59,805
Sir and I had been talking and agreed

497
00:17:59,805 --> 00:18:01,505
on harm hard limits

498
00:18:01,805 --> 00:18:03,884
and had been discussing things around what we

499
00:18:03,884 --> 00:18:06,684
viewed our dynamics to be like and how

500
00:18:06,684 --> 00:18:08,460
we could make things work with each other.

501
00:18:08,859 --> 00:18:11,380
However, what he never sat down to talk

502
00:18:11,380 --> 00:18:13,279
to me with was rules and expectations.

503
00:18:13,899 --> 00:18:15,259
It got to the point where I felt

504
00:18:15,259 --> 00:18:17,339
like I was just I was becoming just

505
00:18:17,339 --> 00:18:18,559
a toy for him.

506
00:18:18,859 --> 00:18:20,460
And yes, I did fall in love with

507
00:18:20,460 --> 00:18:22,380
him. He never said we were platonic or

508
00:18:22,380 --> 00:18:23,759
anything romantic explicitly.

509
00:18:24,105 --> 00:18:26,105
So there was room for assumption and that's

510
00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:28,044
my fault for not clarifying beforehand.

511
00:18:28,904 --> 00:18:31,065
Well, two well, two nights ago now, I

512
00:18:31,065 --> 00:18:33,304
had asked for clarity on what we were

513
00:18:33,304 --> 00:18:35,544
outside of our dynamic. I was just wanting

514
00:18:35,544 --> 00:18:37,304
to know because of boundaries with his wife

515
00:18:37,304 --> 00:18:37,964
and girlfriend.

516
00:18:38,599 --> 00:18:40,840
So he told me really close friends and

517
00:18:40,840 --> 00:18:43,160
obviously it hurt me. Then he turned around

518
00:18:43,160 --> 00:18:45,160
and without thinking, said he was going to

519
00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:46,859
propose to said girlfriend.

520
00:18:47,240 --> 00:18:48,940
It felt like a slap in the face.

521
00:18:49,160 --> 00:18:51,000
So I do what I normally do and

522
00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:52,220
withdraw to internalize.

523
00:18:52,884 --> 00:18:54,565
I didn't talk to him for about fourteen

524
00:18:54,565 --> 00:18:56,964
hours. Spoke with him the next morning. He

525
00:18:56,964 --> 00:18:59,144
knew something was up because I was quiet

526
00:18:59,285 --> 00:19:01,684
and I exploded on him. I didn't yell

527
00:19:01,684 --> 00:19:04,505
though, just let everything out. He looked horrified

528
00:19:04,970 --> 00:19:07,130
but then tried to cop out. I instantly

529
00:19:07,130 --> 00:19:08,490
knew I was going to fight with him

530
00:19:08,490 --> 00:19:10,730
because he never took accountability for any of

531
00:19:10,730 --> 00:19:12,650
it and tried to say I knew what

532
00:19:12,650 --> 00:19:14,329
I was getting into, that we were just

533
00:19:14,329 --> 00:19:16,490
friends in a dynamic. And I told him

534
00:19:16,490 --> 00:19:18,329
that we had no prior discussion, that he

535
00:19:18,329 --> 00:19:19,985
said he wanted me and he loved me.

536
00:19:19,985 --> 00:19:21,845
We had been talking for a while prior

537
00:19:22,545 --> 00:19:24,085
to getting this into this relationship.

538
00:19:24,625 --> 00:19:26,705
I got so upset and he goes, you've

539
00:19:26,705 --> 00:19:29,424
broken off with me. And I never said

540
00:19:29,424 --> 00:19:30,805
those words. He assumed.

541
00:19:31,345 --> 00:19:33,345
So it ended then and he goes, why

542
00:19:33,345 --> 00:19:35,630
would my commitment change because of a label?

543
00:19:36,089 --> 00:19:38,269
I said, because I need to know precisely

544
00:19:38,410 --> 00:19:40,569
where I stand due to old trauma and

545
00:19:40,569 --> 00:19:42,970
wounds I'm working through. And I said, your

546
00:19:42,970 --> 00:19:44,970
girlfriend already made it clear that no one

547
00:19:44,970 --> 00:19:47,529
else can be your girlfriend but her. So

548
00:19:47,529 --> 00:19:49,690
I will not overstep. He goes, but I

549
00:19:49,690 --> 00:19:52,494
want you. What we're called is irrelevant to

550
00:19:52,494 --> 00:19:54,975
me. I said, but it matters to me

551
00:19:54,975 --> 00:19:56,275
and that's where the conversation

552
00:19:56,575 --> 00:19:57,075
ended.

553
00:19:57,775 --> 00:19:59,695
Another dominant friend of mine said he got

554
00:19:59,695 --> 00:20:01,615
the ick from my ex Dom's behavior with

555
00:20:01,615 --> 00:20:03,375
all this and was angry on my behalf.

556
00:20:03,375 --> 00:20:05,535
So I guess I'm asking, was I too

557
00:20:05,535 --> 00:20:06,035
naive

558
00:20:06,470 --> 00:20:08,230
and sir picked up on it and used

559
00:20:08,230 --> 00:20:08,730
me?

560
00:20:09,029 --> 00:20:10,710
Is this a bad example of a air

561
00:20:10,710 --> 00:20:13,269
quote Dom wanting a toy, not an actual

562
00:20:13,269 --> 00:20:15,670
person to care for? I'm confused and hurt,

563
00:20:15,670 --> 00:20:17,109
but I know I won't go back. My

564
00:20:17,109 --> 00:20:19,244
position in his world was made clear.

565
00:20:20,845 --> 00:20:22,065
I think this is a clusterfuck.

566
00:20:22,365 --> 00:20:25,164
Yeah. I think nobody was they everybody was

567
00:20:25,164 --> 00:20:27,085
talking at each other, and nobody was talking

568
00:20:27,085 --> 00:20:28,065
to each other.

569
00:20:29,484 --> 00:20:31,724
That's what I think. Yeah. Yeah. It is.

570
00:20:31,724 --> 00:20:33,644
You made sounds over there. What's on your

571
00:20:33,644 --> 00:20:35,869
mind? I I just listening to it. It

572
00:20:35,869 --> 00:20:36,609
was like

573
00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:38,130
Oh, another one.

574
00:20:39,230 --> 00:20:40,450
Yeah. Another one.

575
00:20:41,309 --> 00:20:42,450
There they go again.

576
00:20:43,230 --> 00:20:43,730
Yeah.

577
00:20:45,549 --> 00:20:47,950
So, you know, yeah, I I I think

578
00:20:47,950 --> 00:20:48,690
there is

579
00:20:51,884 --> 00:20:54,125
you know, I I can't blame this person

580
00:20:54,125 --> 00:20:57,184
for wanting some people need labels. Right. Exactly.

581
00:20:57,884 --> 00:20:58,945
You know? And,

582
00:21:00,845 --> 00:21:01,825
I mean, I

583
00:21:04,259 --> 00:21:05,779
labels were very important to me in the

584
00:21:05,779 --> 00:21:07,940
beginning Mhmm. Because it gave me something to

585
00:21:07,940 --> 00:21:10,579
gauge by Sure. You know, now not so

586
00:21:10,579 --> 00:21:11,720
much. Mhmm.

587
00:21:12,099 --> 00:21:14,259
But, you know, for somebody really, it's like

588
00:21:14,259 --> 00:21:15,859
kinda yeah. Well, I mean, what what are

589
00:21:15,859 --> 00:21:18,954
we? What you know? But, you know, I

590
00:21:18,954 --> 00:21:20,815
I get I agree. I think it

591
00:21:21,355 --> 00:21:22,875
so that's what some people want. And even

592
00:21:22,875 --> 00:21:24,794
there's nothing wrong with that. But I do

593
00:21:24,794 --> 00:21:26,394
think what you do is you go, hey.

594
00:21:26,394 --> 00:21:28,234
Can we have a conversation? Hey. We never

595
00:21:28,234 --> 00:21:30,315
really did talk about this. The lesson going

596
00:21:30,315 --> 00:21:33,059
forward for this person is have the conversation

597
00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:36,500
at the beginning as you start negotiating this

598
00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:38,480
relationship and what the hell you're gonna be

599
00:21:38,480 --> 00:21:40,320
doing. What does it mean to you? What

600
00:21:40,320 --> 00:21:41,840
do you want out of it? What are

601
00:21:41,840 --> 00:21:43,279
you looking for? Are you looking for a

602
00:21:43,279 --> 00:21:45,039
play partner? Are you looking for, you know

603
00:21:45,440 --> 00:21:47,414
Right. Like, what kind of what are you

604
00:21:47,414 --> 00:21:48,855
hoping to get out of this? Now, of

605
00:21:48,855 --> 00:21:50,634
course, people being people,

606
00:21:51,095 --> 00:21:53,275
it can evolve and feelings

607
00:21:53,734 --> 00:21:55,494
can change. And, you know, in a perfect

608
00:21:55,494 --> 00:21:57,815
world, sure, it changes in the same way

609
00:21:57,815 --> 00:21:59,815
on both sides and ta da, you know,

610
00:21:59,815 --> 00:22:02,639
now we're happy for now, happy ever, ever,

611
00:22:02,639 --> 00:22:03,139
whatever.

612
00:22:03,599 --> 00:22:04,099
But

613
00:22:05,119 --> 00:22:07,279
one, that's not always gonna happen. And two,

614
00:22:07,279 --> 00:22:08,819
I think this person,

615
00:22:09,359 --> 00:22:10,740
this missive in this,

616
00:22:11,279 --> 00:22:12,980
would have benefited from

617
00:22:13,694 --> 00:22:15,875
expectation management from the start.

618
00:22:16,575 --> 00:22:18,274
So they've learned

619
00:22:18,575 --> 00:22:21,154
a pretty painful lesson, I would imagine, that

620
00:22:21,214 --> 00:22:23,214
do not make assumptions, do not let the

621
00:22:23,214 --> 00:22:23,714
conversation

622
00:22:24,335 --> 00:22:25,315
go unsaid.

623
00:22:26,669 --> 00:22:28,529
You know, the moment you're like, wait,

624
00:22:28,909 --> 00:22:30,349
what are we? What do we wanna be?

625
00:22:30,349 --> 00:22:31,809
What are we working towards here?

626
00:22:32,829 --> 00:22:34,369
Just talk about it.

627
00:22:36,190 --> 00:22:38,269
There was something else. I did find this

628
00:22:38,269 --> 00:22:40,130
a little maybe I'm reading into it.

629
00:22:40,589 --> 00:22:43,605
So the very first thing she says is

630
00:22:43,605 --> 00:22:45,365
he has a wife and a girlfriend. I'd

631
00:22:45,365 --> 00:22:48,164
met them both. They're lovely. Right? Mhmm. And

632
00:22:48,164 --> 00:22:49,944
then later, we get down

633
00:22:50,644 --> 00:22:52,424
and let's see if I can find it.

634
00:22:55,390 --> 00:22:57,390
Him proposing to his girlfriend felt like a

635
00:22:57,390 --> 00:22:59,470
slap in the face. Well, one, that's a

636
00:22:59,470 --> 00:23:02,509
separate relationship from you. So the feelings he

637
00:23:02,509 --> 00:23:03,569
has for the girlfriend

638
00:23:03,950 --> 00:23:06,349
have nothing to do with you and don't

639
00:23:06,429 --> 00:23:08,349
are not an indicator of anything going on

640
00:23:08,349 --> 00:23:10,690
in your relationship. That is the,

641
00:23:11,444 --> 00:23:13,065
you know, the next level

642
00:23:13,444 --> 00:23:16,005
Mhmm. Which I have questions because he's married

643
00:23:16,005 --> 00:23:16,505
or

644
00:23:18,085 --> 00:23:19,464
depending on where you're located.

645
00:23:20,484 --> 00:23:22,724
That's not as far as I know, legal

646
00:23:22,724 --> 00:23:24,585
to have more than one spouse, but

647
00:23:25,044 --> 00:23:27,240
maybe something's changed. But it could also be

648
00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:29,000
symbolic. Like, let me show you how close

649
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:30,700
we are. Maybe it's gonna be like a

650
00:23:30,840 --> 00:23:32,220
a nonlegal ceremony.

651
00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:34,519
So that was one thing. Could be like

652
00:23:34,519 --> 00:23:36,440
a collaring ceremony or something like that. Could

653
00:23:36,440 --> 00:23:38,359
could be a hand fasting that Right. Something

654
00:23:38,359 --> 00:23:40,539
that does not require an actual marriage certificate.

655
00:23:42,295 --> 00:23:44,235
So that was my first thing is, okay,

656
00:23:44,295 --> 00:23:45,894
that relationship has nothing to do with y'all's

657
00:23:45,894 --> 00:23:46,394
relationship.

658
00:23:46,775 --> 00:23:48,855
So that sounds a bit like some envy

659
00:23:48,855 --> 00:23:50,615
going on that somehow the girlfriend, who was

660
00:23:50,615 --> 00:23:52,823
already there and established and had a Right.

661
00:23:53,015 --> 00:23:53,835
Had a history,

662
00:23:54,295 --> 00:23:57,400
was air quote, getting something that this submissive

663
00:23:57,700 --> 00:23:58,440
was not.

664
00:23:58,900 --> 00:24:00,340
And I wonder if there was some envy

665
00:24:00,340 --> 00:24:03,619
there because, remember, top paragraph, they're lovely. Then

666
00:24:03,619 --> 00:24:05,220
we get the, oh my gosh, she's proposing

667
00:24:05,220 --> 00:24:06,704
the girlfriend, and that feels like a slap

668
00:24:06,704 --> 00:24:07,684
in the face. Yeah.

669
00:24:07,984 --> 00:24:08,625
Which was

670
00:24:09,105 --> 00:24:10,625
that I'm gonna say, that was not the

671
00:24:10,704 --> 00:24:12,384
what that man was intending. He was like,

672
00:24:12,384 --> 00:24:13,825
this is my girlfriend. I'm gonna do this.

673
00:24:13,825 --> 00:24:16,484
Yeah. And then we get to, I want

674
00:24:16,544 --> 00:24:17,444
to find it,

675
00:24:18,625 --> 00:24:19,125
of

676
00:24:21,825 --> 00:24:22,325
that

677
00:24:23,420 --> 00:24:25,819
his girlfriend had said that he nobody else

678
00:24:25,819 --> 00:24:27,200
could be his girlfriend.

679
00:24:27,819 --> 00:24:28,880
Yeah. And

680
00:24:29,180 --> 00:24:31,519
look, I know non monogamous

681
00:24:32,460 --> 00:24:32,960
relationships

682
00:24:33,339 --> 00:24:35,740
come in all flavors and styles and that

683
00:24:35,740 --> 00:24:37,984
there are times that that's how things get

684
00:24:37,984 --> 00:24:38,484
negotiated.

685
00:24:39,825 --> 00:24:40,325
And

686
00:24:40,944 --> 00:24:42,625
if you can make it work and everybody's

687
00:24:42,625 --> 00:24:43,444
actually happy,

688
00:24:44,544 --> 00:24:45,044
great.

689
00:24:46,944 --> 00:24:47,444
But

690
00:24:49,210 --> 00:24:51,789
what? So then the girlfriend was dictating

691
00:24:52,809 --> 00:24:53,950
the other relationship

692
00:24:54,490 --> 00:24:55,789
as well? Yeah.

693
00:24:57,130 --> 00:24:59,690
I'm wondering if the the person who submitted

694
00:24:59,690 --> 00:25:02,570
this really thinks the girlfriend is lovely, air

695
00:25:02,570 --> 00:25:04,595
quote, at the end of all of this.

696
00:25:04,815 --> 00:25:05,315
Because

697
00:25:06,095 --> 00:25:08,815
just with two examples, I'm like, there's there's

698
00:25:08,815 --> 00:25:11,855
some there was some friction there. Yeah. And

699
00:25:11,855 --> 00:25:12,595
is it

700
00:25:13,454 --> 00:25:15,535
is it because maybe the this guy does

701
00:25:15,535 --> 00:25:18,015
not communicate clearly with any of his fucking

702
00:25:18,015 --> 00:25:18,515
partners?

703
00:25:20,049 --> 00:25:22,289
That wouldn't surprise me if that was the

704
00:25:22,289 --> 00:25:24,690
case. That really would not surprise me at

705
00:25:24,690 --> 00:25:26,470
all. And yet at the same time,

706
00:25:27,009 --> 00:25:29,430
you know, if if this person is looking

707
00:25:29,650 --> 00:25:32,369
on this girlfriend with envy, with jealousy Right.

708
00:25:32,450 --> 00:25:33,974
You know, that's a little self

709
00:25:35,734 --> 00:25:37,734
work that person needs to do in regards

710
00:25:37,734 --> 00:25:40,535
to Polly. Well, you know, jealousy and envy

711
00:25:40,535 --> 00:25:42,615
are are part and parcel because we're humans,

712
00:25:42,615 --> 00:25:44,694
and you will see somebody having something that

713
00:25:44,694 --> 00:25:46,535
you wish you yourself had, and you will

714
00:25:46,535 --> 00:25:49,355
have your feelings about it. I think the

715
00:25:50,220 --> 00:25:52,480
what it sounds like is that this person

716
00:25:53,019 --> 00:25:55,980
wanted more than their dominant partner was willing

717
00:25:55,980 --> 00:25:57,920
to, wanted to, and could give them.

718
00:25:59,660 --> 00:26:01,500
I think it's I find it so strange

719
00:26:01,500 --> 00:26:02,000
that

720
00:26:03,339 --> 00:26:05,515
they didn't speak to their partner for fourteen

721
00:26:05,515 --> 00:26:08,154
hours. I do not recommend that in general.

722
00:26:08,154 --> 00:26:09,835
I mean, even a quick text to go

723
00:26:09,835 --> 00:26:12,075
look, I am I got some stuff on

724
00:26:12,075 --> 00:26:13,835
my mind. I need to think through it.

725
00:26:13,835 --> 00:26:14,894
I need to, like,

726
00:26:15,275 --> 00:26:17,855
just so you know, I highly recommend that.

727
00:26:18,875 --> 00:26:19,375
So

728
00:26:19,755 --> 00:26:21,329
I don't love that they didn't speak to

729
00:26:21,329 --> 00:26:23,250
the person for fourteen hours, but I really

730
00:26:23,250 --> 00:26:25,250
don't love that the the Dom was like,

731
00:26:25,250 --> 00:26:26,930
oh, this means we're broken up now, I

732
00:26:26,930 --> 00:26:27,430
guess.

733
00:26:29,250 --> 00:26:30,069
Like, what?

734
00:26:31,970 --> 00:26:34,289
What? It it sounds like they all have

735
00:26:34,289 --> 00:26:37,034
their own things going on. Hot mess express

736
00:26:37,034 --> 00:26:38,894
is what we are looking at right here.

737
00:26:39,274 --> 00:26:41,914
Yep. Yeah. That's just there's there's too much

738
00:26:41,914 --> 00:26:44,554
going on. Mhmm. Would love to know, like,

739
00:26:44,554 --> 00:26:46,394
what's going on with the wife. Is all

740
00:26:46,394 --> 00:26:49,115
well there? Like, I don't know. You know,

741
00:26:49,115 --> 00:26:49,615
ultimately,

742
00:26:50,609 --> 00:26:51,430
this person

743
00:26:51,890 --> 00:26:53,269
needed to have the conversation.

744
00:26:54,369 --> 00:26:56,049
What what are we? Where are we going?

745
00:26:56,049 --> 00:26:57,250
What are we trying to do? I think

746
00:26:57,250 --> 00:26:59,170
they should have been honest if maybe they

747
00:26:59,170 --> 00:27:00,930
were. I don't I did not read it

748
00:27:00,930 --> 00:27:03,670
here. When they developed feelings for their dom,

749
00:27:04,184 --> 00:27:04,585
and start

750
00:27:05,304 --> 00:27:07,144
I'm reading this as and it could just

751
00:27:07,144 --> 00:27:09,404
be this person not explaining it well.

752
00:27:09,704 --> 00:27:12,345
As they develop feelings and instead of going,

753
00:27:12,345 --> 00:27:15,085
hey, I'm having some feelings, they were like,

754
00:27:15,224 --> 00:27:17,384
so what are we? And then they didn't

755
00:27:17,384 --> 00:27:19,730
get the answer that they wanted, which

756
00:27:22,349 --> 00:27:25,470
yeah. That's devastating. That hurts. That sucks. That

757
00:27:25,470 --> 00:27:26,910
makes you have to go, is this where

758
00:27:26,910 --> 00:27:28,690
I wanna be? Is this the right relationship

759
00:27:28,750 --> 00:27:29,410
for me?

760
00:27:30,029 --> 00:27:31,934
I see it's valid to need time to

761
00:27:31,934 --> 00:27:33,774
think about that, but it does not feel

762
00:27:33,774 --> 00:27:36,174
like at any point leading up to that

763
00:27:36,174 --> 00:27:37,954
there was any clear communication. I know.

764
00:27:39,694 --> 00:27:41,534
Apparently, from the girlfriend because she was like,

765
00:27:41,534 --> 00:27:43,615
nobody else gets to be your girlfriend. I

766
00:27:43,615 --> 00:27:44,115
think

767
00:27:44,505 --> 00:27:45,005
and

768
00:27:45,930 --> 00:27:47,850
I know I'm sure there's some poly people

769
00:27:47,850 --> 00:27:49,690
who make that kind of thing work. And

770
00:27:49,690 --> 00:27:51,769
I have made statements. We've had these conversations

771
00:27:51,769 --> 00:27:53,769
that I don't I hate I don't like

772
00:27:53,850 --> 00:27:55,529
I'm better now, but I don't like the

773
00:27:55,529 --> 00:27:57,369
idea of somebody else calling you daddy because

774
00:27:57,369 --> 00:27:59,274
that feels very say that. Yeah. Special to

775
00:27:59,274 --> 00:28:00,795
me. But I would not say you could

776
00:28:00,795 --> 00:28:03,934
not have a daddy dom relationship with anybody.

777
00:28:03,994 --> 00:28:05,994
And we did have this conversation ages ago.

778
00:28:05,994 --> 00:28:08,075
If it was important enough to somebody else

779
00:28:08,075 --> 00:28:09,134
to use that title,

780
00:28:09,994 --> 00:28:12,109
I'd I mean, I'd have to, like, sit

781
00:28:12,109 --> 00:28:13,470
with it. I'd have well, there have to

782
00:28:13,470 --> 00:28:14,130
be conversation.

783
00:28:14,830 --> 00:28:15,970
I'm you know,

784
00:28:16,509 --> 00:28:17,950
I think at this point in my life,

785
00:28:17,950 --> 00:28:19,170
I don't think I would gatekeep

786
00:28:19,630 --> 00:28:20,369
a a title.

787
00:28:21,309 --> 00:28:23,869
I think I think I'm confident enough in

788
00:28:23,869 --> 00:28:25,630
myself and in us that I'd be like,

789
00:28:25,630 --> 00:28:26,529
okay. Fine.

790
00:28:27,150 --> 00:28:28,644
Would there be a little tiny part of

791
00:28:28,644 --> 00:28:30,884
me on the inside that was for me

792
00:28:30,884 --> 00:28:33,144
personally that went, I don't like that. Sure.

793
00:28:33,285 --> 00:28:33,785
Sure.

794
00:28:35,845 --> 00:28:37,605
You know? So I, you know, I get

795
00:28:37,605 --> 00:28:40,005
people having, like, things they don't want to

796
00:28:40,005 --> 00:28:40,904
have happen,

797
00:28:41,349 --> 00:28:42,970
but I do not understand

798
00:28:43,669 --> 00:28:46,069
if you if you are the girlfriend of

799
00:28:46,069 --> 00:28:47,990
a person and that person is now seeing

800
00:28:47,990 --> 00:28:48,889
somebody else,

801
00:28:50,389 --> 00:28:52,230
how you can dictate that that person could

802
00:28:52,230 --> 00:28:55,125
not be your girlfriend as well. Mhmm. Like,

803
00:28:55,125 --> 00:28:57,445
that for for me, personally, that feels like

804
00:28:57,445 --> 00:28:58,424
a step too far.

805
00:28:59,205 --> 00:29:01,384
But I I'm sure people make that work,

806
00:29:01,684 --> 00:29:04,404
and that's great for you. That's great for

807
00:29:04,404 --> 00:29:05,384
you. Okay.

808
00:29:08,769 --> 00:29:10,070
Can can you

809
00:29:13,090 --> 00:29:13,590
believe

810
00:29:13,970 --> 00:29:15,410
that I actually wish I could put my

811
00:29:15,410 --> 00:29:17,809
damn phone down? I'm like, ugh. This doing

812
00:29:17,809 --> 00:29:19,330
this from the phone thing, I don't know

813
00:29:19,330 --> 00:29:22,230
how I feel about it. Okay. Next one.

814
00:29:22,835 --> 00:29:25,335
Punishment or play? Question mark.

815
00:29:25,875 --> 00:29:27,875
So I'm in a d s dynamic where

816
00:29:27,875 --> 00:29:28,914
I'm 100%

817
00:29:28,914 --> 00:29:32,055
his good girl and submissive. Think princess submissive.

818
00:29:32,595 --> 00:29:34,434
He's the first dom I have been so

819
00:29:34,434 --> 00:29:35,414
naturally submissive

820
00:29:36,289 --> 00:29:37,890
with. In the past, I have dabbled with

821
00:29:37,890 --> 00:29:40,230
d s, but I always lean towards bratting.

822
00:29:40,529 --> 00:29:42,529
With him, I just want to obey and

823
00:29:42,529 --> 00:29:44,690
give him all the control. The feeling is

824
00:29:44,690 --> 00:29:47,170
very new for me. However, the other day,

825
00:29:47,170 --> 00:29:48,929
we were playing around and I started to

826
00:29:48,929 --> 00:29:51,134
tease him about something. I wouldn't let up

827
00:29:51,134 --> 00:29:52,735
and he said that I was begging for

828
00:29:52,735 --> 00:29:53,315
a spanking.

829
00:29:53,775 --> 00:29:56,255
We don't generally do hard, stingy impact as

830
00:29:56,255 --> 00:29:58,335
I prefer a deep thud, so a hard

831
00:29:58,335 --> 00:30:00,275
spanking would definitely be a punishment.

832
00:30:00,815 --> 00:30:02,654
I loved it. It was still hard to

833
00:30:02,654 --> 00:30:03,154
withstand

834
00:30:03,529 --> 00:30:05,769
and definitely felt like a punishment, but I

835
00:30:05,769 --> 00:30:06,509
want more.

836
00:30:06,970 --> 00:30:08,890
He loved seeing me that red and loved

837
00:30:08,890 --> 00:30:11,369
watching me squirm as well. I asked him

838
00:30:11,369 --> 00:30:13,369
afterward if that meant he wanted the brat

839
00:30:13,369 --> 00:30:15,450
back. He said he loved it, but if

840
00:30:15,450 --> 00:30:17,130
I liked it that much, is it really

841
00:30:17,130 --> 00:30:17,630
punishment?

842
00:30:18,404 --> 00:30:20,244
I assured him it was, and he said

843
00:30:20,244 --> 00:30:22,105
he wants it in his back pocket

844
00:30:22,404 --> 00:30:24,805
for a punishment if needed, but that he

845
00:30:24,805 --> 00:30:26,884
doesn't want me to brat. He wants me

846
00:30:26,884 --> 00:30:28,725
as his good girl. So where do we

847
00:30:28,725 --> 00:30:30,325
go from here? Just wait for me to

848
00:30:30,325 --> 00:30:32,130
mess up before we can go there again?

849
00:30:32,210 --> 00:30:34,849
Or possibly talk about incorporating into play and

850
00:30:34,849 --> 00:30:35,829
not just punishment?

851
00:30:36,210 --> 00:30:38,049
I'm torn. But it was so hot and

852
00:30:38,049 --> 00:30:41,089
exhilarating. The adrenaline was intense. But did that

853
00:30:41,089 --> 00:30:42,789
come from the fact that it was punishment

854
00:30:42,930 --> 00:30:45,089
or just the feeling of being spanked like

855
00:30:45,089 --> 00:30:45,750
he did?

856
00:30:49,585 --> 00:30:50,085
Okay.

857
00:30:52,305 --> 00:30:53,985
I I don't even know where to go.

858
00:30:53,985 --> 00:30:56,144
I I don't even So the first thing

859
00:30:56,144 --> 00:30:57,924
that comes to my mind is

860
00:30:58,465 --> 00:31:01,184
instead of twisting ourselves into knots about how

861
00:31:01,184 --> 00:31:03,799
do I get this experience again,

862
00:31:04,259 --> 00:31:07,000
just say, hey, I'd like this experience again.

863
00:31:07,779 --> 00:31:09,299
You don't have to be as abrasive as

864
00:31:09,299 --> 00:31:11,539
I am. Be a cutesy princess as of

865
00:31:11,619 --> 00:31:13,319
it's fine. It's fine.

866
00:31:15,535 --> 00:31:16,974
So that would be the first thing I

867
00:31:16,974 --> 00:31:19,055
would say. Stop trying to, like, go, how

868
00:31:19,055 --> 00:31:21,055
am I gonna have this experience I want?

869
00:31:21,055 --> 00:31:23,455
How do I make this happen? Nope. Nope.

870
00:31:23,455 --> 00:31:26,355
Nope. Nope. Nope. Say, hey. Can we incorporate

871
00:31:26,414 --> 00:31:26,914
this?

872
00:31:27,240 --> 00:31:29,079
And and have the conversation about what that

873
00:31:29,079 --> 00:31:31,740
looks like when that happens, blah blah blah.

874
00:31:33,480 --> 00:31:35,160
And then I say and then the part

875
00:31:35,319 --> 00:31:36,599
the other part of that conversation has to

876
00:31:36,599 --> 00:31:38,220
be, okay. I don't want that to necessarily

877
00:31:38,759 --> 00:31:40,680
be a just only in the back pocket

878
00:31:40,680 --> 00:31:41,339
as punishment.

879
00:31:42,304 --> 00:31:44,804
Yes. Maybe. If it can you know? Because

880
00:31:45,904 --> 00:31:49,105
sensation does make a a a big difference

881
00:31:49,105 --> 00:31:50,464
between what you like and what you don't

882
00:31:50,464 --> 00:31:52,625
like. Yeah. As somebody who does not like

883
00:31:52,625 --> 00:31:53,125
stingy,

884
00:31:53,585 --> 00:31:55,525
that certainly gets it a lot.

885
00:31:57,079 --> 00:31:59,000
And so I think that could be a

886
00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:01,980
punishment he pulls out when it feels appropriate.

887
00:32:02,359 --> 00:32:02,859
Mhmm.

888
00:32:03,640 --> 00:32:04,460
But also,

889
00:32:05,319 --> 00:32:07,400
if it's done as a punishment, he could

890
00:32:07,400 --> 00:32:09,865
change that up with just the tone of

891
00:32:09,865 --> 00:32:11,704
his voice, the expression on his face, the

892
00:32:11,704 --> 00:32:13,704
words he uses so that it is clearly

893
00:32:13,704 --> 00:32:15,565
more of a punishment, and you could then

894
00:32:15,625 --> 00:32:16,765
separately negotiate,

895
00:32:17,544 --> 00:32:19,384
hey. I wanna seem like that. I wanna

896
00:32:19,384 --> 00:32:21,384
do that. Now is it a thing you

897
00:32:21,384 --> 00:32:22,690
want it to come from out of nowhere?

898
00:32:22,690 --> 00:32:24,289
Do you want, you know, maybe look into

899
00:32:24,289 --> 00:32:26,529
funishment where you get a little playful and

900
00:32:26,529 --> 00:32:28,150
you know both of you

901
00:32:28,529 --> 00:32:31,029
know that the point is to end up

902
00:32:31,090 --> 00:32:31,590
there?

903
00:32:32,130 --> 00:32:34,150
Sure. Sure. Go for it.

904
00:32:37,115 --> 00:32:38,634
But the part that I get a little

905
00:32:38,634 --> 00:32:40,315
stuck on because I think the how do

906
00:32:40,315 --> 00:32:42,875
I get a sensation and and a and

907
00:32:42,875 --> 00:32:44,795
a scene that I want? Ta da. Talk

908
00:32:44,795 --> 00:32:45,535
about it.

909
00:32:45,835 --> 00:32:48,315
Okay. Here's the thing. She kinda wants to

910
00:32:48,315 --> 00:32:50,799
brat. And he kinda doesn't want a brat.

911
00:32:50,799 --> 00:32:52,559
He just wants he's a good girl. Yeah.

912
00:32:52,559 --> 00:32:54,319
First of all, that's valid. That is a

913
00:32:54,319 --> 00:32:55,779
100% valid. Mhmm.

914
00:32:56,240 --> 00:32:57,140
But I'm

915
00:32:58,159 --> 00:33:00,319
I'm in I'm injecting myself in this one

916
00:33:00,319 --> 00:33:00,819
because

917
00:33:01,294 --> 00:33:03,214
I see myself in this one just a

918
00:33:03,214 --> 00:33:05,214
little bit. Mhmm. Because it's the reason I

919
00:33:05,214 --> 00:33:07,694
refuse the brat label. Because at at my

920
00:33:07,694 --> 00:33:09,694
core, I am a good girl. At my

921
00:33:09,694 --> 00:33:11,535
core, I wanna do what you tell me

922
00:33:11,535 --> 00:33:12,674
to do. I mean,

923
00:33:13,570 --> 00:33:15,410
do I have opinions and things to say

924
00:33:15,410 --> 00:33:17,490
and do I think I'm hilarious? Of course,

925
00:33:17,490 --> 00:33:18,150
I do.

926
00:33:18,529 --> 00:33:20,789
Am I playful? Of course, I am.

927
00:33:21,330 --> 00:33:24,210
And so since the way she talks about

928
00:33:24,210 --> 00:33:25,815
this is that she wants

929
00:33:26,294 --> 00:33:28,474
to be a good girl, ultimately,

930
00:33:29,815 --> 00:33:31,815
I think it's more of a conversation about

931
00:33:31,815 --> 00:33:32,554
the playfulness

932
00:33:33,335 --> 00:33:35,734
because there are levels to bratting. And if

933
00:33:35,734 --> 00:33:37,674
she already doesn't have the

934
00:33:38,054 --> 00:33:40,615
desire necessary she wants this if what she

935
00:33:40,615 --> 00:33:42,009
wants is to really at the end of

936
00:33:42,009 --> 00:33:44,269
the day be the good girl. Mhmm. Then

937
00:33:44,809 --> 00:33:45,869
there's a playfulness

938
00:33:46,170 --> 00:33:48,509
that can come out. Sure. A sassiness

939
00:33:50,329 --> 00:33:51,470
Yeah. If you will.

940
00:33:52,490 --> 00:33:54,029
And to me, the conversation

941
00:33:54,544 --> 00:33:56,464
really would be, what do you to him,

942
00:33:56,464 --> 00:33:58,224
what do you think bratting is? Like, what

943
00:33:58,224 --> 00:34:00,625
is it? Right? And, hey, what if it's

944
00:34:00,625 --> 00:34:02,565
not I don't go to that level, but

945
00:34:02,865 --> 00:34:04,304
what about this? And I think it's an

946
00:34:04,304 --> 00:34:07,025
awkward conversations. If if this person is even

947
00:34:07,025 --> 00:34:08,724
a little bit like I am with it,

948
00:34:08,960 --> 00:34:11,359
I cannot predict what is gonna come out

949
00:34:11,359 --> 00:34:12,019
of my mouth

950
00:34:12,319 --> 00:34:13,679
or what I'm gonna try and make a

951
00:34:13,679 --> 00:34:15,359
joke about or when I'm gonna be playful

952
00:34:15,359 --> 00:34:17,679
or how I'm gonna be playful. So I'm

953
00:34:17,679 --> 00:34:19,440
not a 100% sure how I would air

954
00:34:19,440 --> 00:34:21,219
quote negotiate that one.

955
00:34:21,679 --> 00:34:22,639
But I think we all

956
00:34:23,375 --> 00:34:25,054
ideally, if you know you have this in

957
00:34:25,054 --> 00:34:26,255
you, maybe you have a sense of who

958
00:34:26,255 --> 00:34:27,875
you are. I think if I was negotiating

959
00:34:28,174 --> 00:34:30,014
it, air quote, that from scratch with you,

960
00:34:30,014 --> 00:34:32,494
I'd say, okay. Look. I'm kinda snarky. I'm

961
00:34:32,494 --> 00:34:33,234
kinda sarcastic.

962
00:34:34,014 --> 00:34:35,155
I think I'm hilarious.

963
00:34:36,570 --> 00:34:38,030
I find this fun.

964
00:34:38,410 --> 00:34:40,809
Can we try this? Have you seen have

965
00:34:40,809 --> 00:34:43,050
you seen me like this yet in other

966
00:34:43,050 --> 00:34:43,550
aspects?

967
00:34:44,170 --> 00:34:46,349
Could I direct it at you? You know?

968
00:34:46,969 --> 00:34:48,969
Ultimately, she has to respect if he's like,

969
00:34:48,969 --> 00:34:50,890
yeah. I don't want any of that. But

970
00:34:50,890 --> 00:34:51,869
I I think

971
00:34:52,625 --> 00:34:54,704
think it's worth a conversation because

972
00:34:55,105 --> 00:34:55,605
Mhmm.

973
00:34:56,144 --> 00:34:58,964
They were playing around. She started to tease.

974
00:35:00,304 --> 00:35:00,804
He

975
00:35:02,304 --> 00:35:04,244
leaned into it. Right.

976
00:35:04,625 --> 00:35:05,764
And so maybe

977
00:35:08,920 --> 00:35:10,360
and I don't want I don't wanna make

978
00:35:10,360 --> 00:35:11,800
it sound like I think you should push

979
00:35:11,800 --> 00:35:12,300
or

980
00:35:12,679 --> 00:35:14,679
air quote convince a partner to do something

981
00:35:14,679 --> 00:35:16,119
they said they don't wanna do. Mhmm. But

982
00:35:16,119 --> 00:35:17,800
I do think if you get more nuance

983
00:35:17,800 --> 00:35:19,340
to it and you have a deeper conversation,

984
00:35:20,280 --> 00:35:22,574
you know, would he be comfortable with every

985
00:35:22,574 --> 00:35:25,054
so often leaning into it, you know? Yeah.

986
00:35:25,054 --> 00:35:26,835
And that every so often is

987
00:35:27,614 --> 00:35:29,534
probably gonna be hard to predict. I I

988
00:35:29,534 --> 00:35:30,514
love a code word

989
00:35:31,054 --> 00:35:32,974
or a sign of some sort to go,

990
00:35:32,974 --> 00:35:34,335
hey, this is a good time or this

991
00:35:34,335 --> 00:35:37,130
is a bad time kinda deal. Sorry. When

992
00:35:37,130 --> 00:35:39,530
JB gives me the sign signal that it's

993
00:35:39,530 --> 00:35:40,349
a bad time,

994
00:35:41,130 --> 00:35:43,610
are my feelings hurt? Of course, they are.

995
00:35:43,610 --> 00:35:45,849
I don't like it because I was having

996
00:35:45,849 --> 00:35:48,010
a good time. And JB has now literally

997
00:35:48,010 --> 00:35:49,550
done a time out signal,

998
00:35:50,090 --> 00:35:51,445
and I'm like, oh,

999
00:35:51,824 --> 00:35:52,324
okay.

1000
00:35:52,945 --> 00:35:55,744
I hate this. But also I fucking do

1001
00:35:55,744 --> 00:35:57,364
it because consent matters.

1002
00:35:57,664 --> 00:35:59,844
So I I don't I'm curious

1003
00:36:00,144 --> 00:36:02,385
if he had fun with that moment Mhmm.

1004
00:36:02,704 --> 00:36:05,125
If it's not really all or nothing.

1005
00:36:06,260 --> 00:36:08,119
Because it's possible that he has a

1006
00:36:09,619 --> 00:36:10,900
a definition in his mind of what he

1007
00:36:10,900 --> 00:36:13,480
thinks bratting is. Mhmm. And is that really

1008
00:36:13,619 --> 00:36:15,219
her style of bratting? Is that really what

1009
00:36:15,219 --> 00:36:17,139
she's even talking about? It could be along

1010
00:36:17,139 --> 00:36:19,059
the lines same way as when a certain

1011
00:36:19,059 --> 00:36:21,059
person number of years ago asked me if

1012
00:36:21,059 --> 00:36:22,125
I was a daddy dom.

1013
00:36:23,005 --> 00:36:24,684
I said no fucking way. I was like

1014
00:36:24,764 --> 00:36:25,824
And Okay.

1015
00:36:26,605 --> 00:36:28,704
Where are we now? Where are we now?

1016
00:36:30,204 --> 00:36:32,764
Mhmm. Mhmm. And so and here's the thing.

1017
00:36:32,764 --> 00:36:35,565
That was there's a delicate balance there because

1018
00:36:35,565 --> 00:36:38,150
I asked the question. JB said, hell no.

1019
00:36:38,530 --> 00:36:41,570
In my head, I went, sure, Jan. But

1020
00:36:41,570 --> 00:36:43,170
hours in it, I was like, okay. And

1021
00:36:43,170 --> 00:36:45,010
I respected it. Right? Like, I didn't push

1022
00:36:45,010 --> 00:36:47,090
you. No. I didn't drop hints. I didn't

1023
00:36:47,489 --> 00:36:49,329
and I left it alone until there came

1024
00:36:49,329 --> 00:36:51,065
a point where I, like, let me go

1025
00:36:51,065 --> 00:36:52,204
out on a limb here.

1026
00:36:53,065 --> 00:36:54,905
And we both discovered how bright I was,

1027
00:36:54,905 --> 00:36:57,144
but that's, you know, that part's neither here

1028
00:36:57,144 --> 00:36:57,805
nor there.

1029
00:37:01,625 --> 00:37:03,485
So the the respecting,

1030
00:37:04,070 --> 00:37:06,230
you know, his boundaries is important. Like Yeah.

1031
00:37:06,309 --> 00:37:08,710
Even if you suspect, hey. Wait. I I

1032
00:37:08,710 --> 00:37:10,469
really think, you know, as I learned you,

1033
00:37:10,469 --> 00:37:11,989
you might actually enjoy this more you than

1034
00:37:11,989 --> 00:37:13,289
you think you do,

1035
00:37:13,750 --> 00:37:15,590
but you have to kinda let somebody come

1036
00:37:15,590 --> 00:37:17,335
to that on their own. You you can't

1037
00:37:17,335 --> 00:37:19,335
be, you know, pushing them. But I do

1038
00:37:19,335 --> 00:37:21,175
think it's worth the conversation of what he

1039
00:37:21,175 --> 00:37:23,355
envisions as bratting that he wants to avoid

1040
00:37:23,494 --> 00:37:26,074
and what she envisions as being being playful

1041
00:37:26,135 --> 00:37:26,635
and

1042
00:37:27,015 --> 00:37:29,255
the the conversation about, okay, you wanna be

1043
00:37:29,255 --> 00:37:31,094
my good girl. How would this play into

1044
00:37:31,094 --> 00:37:31,914
that? Right.

1045
00:37:32,550 --> 00:37:34,710
Maybe that's my next TED Talk of how

1046
00:37:34,710 --> 00:37:36,010
you could be a good girl,

1047
00:37:36,469 --> 00:37:37,449
but also

1048
00:37:39,190 --> 00:37:40,730
kind of a little shit sometimes.

1049
00:37:42,230 --> 00:37:42,730
Respectfully.

1050
00:37:43,989 --> 00:37:44,489
Submissively.

1051
00:37:46,309 --> 00:37:46,809
So,

1052
00:37:49,094 --> 00:37:49,594
okay.

1053
00:37:50,054 --> 00:37:51,275
I'm gonna go into

1054
00:37:52,295 --> 00:37:53,434
the next one.

1055
00:37:54,775 --> 00:37:58,074
Is everything working okay over there? Yeah. Okay.

1056
00:37:59,015 --> 00:37:59,515
Okay.

1057
00:38:00,590 --> 00:38:01,869
This is a long one. Oh my god.

1058
00:38:01,869 --> 00:38:03,390
I'm sorry y'all. I've just picked a lot

1059
00:38:03,390 --> 00:38:05,630
of long ones today. This one is called

1060
00:38:05,630 --> 00:38:06,769
A Very One-sided

1061
00:38:07,070 --> 00:38:07,570
Dynamic.

1062
00:38:08,349 --> 00:38:10,050
My story is rather unusual.

1063
00:38:10,829 --> 00:38:11,329
Introduction.

1064
00:38:12,364 --> 00:38:15,085
I, 24 female, met my dom, 28 male,

1065
00:38:15,085 --> 00:38:17,664
on a sex chat website two years ago.

1066
00:38:17,964 --> 00:38:19,484
I was fresh out of college, about to

1067
00:38:19,484 --> 00:38:20,545
start my first job.

1068
00:38:20,924 --> 00:38:23,324
He travels constantly because of work, so it's

1069
00:38:23,324 --> 00:38:26,510
been long distance for the most part. Backstory.

1070
00:38:27,769 --> 00:38:29,849
Let me stop here. There's not gonna be

1071
00:38:29,849 --> 00:38:31,230
details but there will

1072
00:38:31,530 --> 00:38:32,429
content warning.

1073
00:38:32,890 --> 00:38:34,030
There will be mentions

1074
00:38:34,329 --> 00:38:37,530
of brief mentions of drug use and, sexual

1075
00:38:37,530 --> 00:38:38,030
trauma.

1076
00:38:38,410 --> 00:38:41,014
No d details that I'm recalling after I've

1077
00:38:41,014 --> 00:38:42,534
already read through it. But if you wanna

1078
00:38:42,534 --> 00:38:43,974
just not even think about it, go ahead

1079
00:38:43,974 --> 00:38:46,375
and nope on out. Okay. Back story. I

1080
00:38:46,375 --> 00:38:48,295
was deep into the world of drugs when

1081
00:38:48,295 --> 00:38:50,454
we met, had some sexual trauma from the

1082
00:38:50,454 --> 00:38:52,135
past as I was groomed when I was

1083
00:38:52,135 --> 00:38:53,355
16 to 18.

1084
00:38:53,799 --> 00:38:55,559
And then I'd spent most of my college

1085
00:38:55,559 --> 00:38:57,400
years being tossed around like a rag doll

1086
00:38:57,400 --> 00:38:58,699
from man to man.

1087
00:38:59,480 --> 00:39:00,219
The dynamic.

1088
00:39:00,679 --> 00:39:02,760
It was entirely focused on me and my

1089
00:39:02,760 --> 00:39:05,000
growth. He made me start working out and

1090
00:39:05,000 --> 00:39:06,724
eating right. He told me to go out

1091
00:39:06,724 --> 00:39:08,485
and meet people so that I'd learn social

1092
00:39:08,485 --> 00:39:10,965
skills and understand that not everyone was out

1093
00:39:10,965 --> 00:39:12,965
to get me. Trauma makes you feel like

1094
00:39:12,965 --> 00:39:15,045
the whole world is on fire. He told

1095
00:39:15,045 --> 00:39:16,405
me to get on dating apps and find

1096
00:39:16,405 --> 00:39:18,244
women like me so that I'd realize that

1097
00:39:18,244 --> 00:39:20,485
other women have the same fantasies and that

1098
00:39:20,485 --> 00:39:22,079
I'm not sick in the head. He built

1099
00:39:22,079 --> 00:39:23,839
my confidence so that I could dress slutty

1100
00:39:23,839 --> 00:39:25,380
and be comfortable in my skin.

1101
00:39:25,759 --> 00:39:27,699
Even my friends noticed the transformation.

1102
00:39:28,400 --> 00:39:31,039
I was dealing with complex office politics and

1103
00:39:31,039 --> 00:39:33,519
a perverted boss, and he helped me navigate

1104
00:39:33,519 --> 00:39:35,219
it. I got saved from a layoff.

1105
00:39:35,534 --> 00:39:37,375
Because he was bringing the light back into

1106
00:39:37,375 --> 00:39:39,694
my life, I was gradually able to leave

1107
00:39:39,694 --> 00:39:42,174
drugs on my own, and the list goes

1108
00:39:42,174 --> 00:39:42,674
on.

1109
00:39:43,454 --> 00:39:44,275
The sex

1110
00:39:44,574 --> 00:39:46,574
couldn't be any better. He taught me how

1111
00:39:46,574 --> 00:39:48,255
to squirt. I couldn't even come without a

1112
00:39:48,255 --> 00:39:50,429
vibrator before him. He brought out the slut

1113
00:39:50,429 --> 00:39:52,670
in me. The problem I really like how

1114
00:39:52,670 --> 00:39:55,309
they've laid this out. The problem. I'm not

1115
00:39:55,309 --> 00:39:58,030
progressing the way he wants me to. I

1116
00:39:58,030 --> 00:40:00,590
still get triggered by certain things. I still

1117
00:40:00,590 --> 00:40:03,070
suck at dealing with people. I still panic

1118
00:40:03,070 --> 00:40:05,824
easily and fuck up. Not progressing much at

1119
00:40:05,824 --> 00:40:08,065
work either since AI is eating all the

1120
00:40:08,065 --> 00:40:10,864
entry level tech jobs. He's not happy with

1121
00:40:10,864 --> 00:40:13,744
me, and I hate seeing him disappointed after

1122
00:40:13,744 --> 00:40:15,585
all the time and effort he's put into

1123
00:40:15,585 --> 00:40:16,724
building me up.

1124
00:40:17,039 --> 00:40:18,579
And now the strange part,

1125
00:40:20,239 --> 00:40:22,160
I don't know his name. I don't know

1126
00:40:22,160 --> 00:40:24,079
what he does for a living. I don't

1127
00:40:24,079 --> 00:40:26,400
even know what he looks like. He's been

1128
00:40:26,400 --> 00:40:28,260
masked every time we've met.

1129
00:40:28,559 --> 00:40:30,734
I don't know anything about him. He won't

1130
00:40:30,734 --> 00:40:32,654
tell me because he doesn't want me to

1131
00:40:32,654 --> 00:40:33,554
get attached.

1132
00:40:34,654 --> 00:40:36,734
I know everyone's gonna think that I'm crazy

1133
00:40:36,734 --> 00:40:38,894
for trusting a man I don't know, but

1134
00:40:38,894 --> 00:40:41,394
every single task he's given me has benefited

1135
00:40:41,694 --> 00:40:43,769
me. He's not around most of the time,

1136
00:40:43,769 --> 00:40:45,289
so it's not like he's using me for

1137
00:40:45,289 --> 00:40:47,690
sex either. I wish he would. He makes

1138
00:40:47,690 --> 00:40:49,930
me use an anonymous app for sending photos

1139
00:40:49,930 --> 00:40:51,710
and even those are without face.

1140
00:40:52,010 --> 00:40:54,170
I'm the one asking to do crazy kinky

1141
00:40:54,170 --> 00:40:55,849
things, and he is the one dialing it

1142
00:40:55,849 --> 00:40:58,105
back because he says I'm not ready. He's

1143
00:40:58,105 --> 00:41:00,105
right. There's no way in hell he would

1144
00:41:00,105 --> 00:41:02,184
ever hurt me. And now I feel like

1145
00:41:02,184 --> 00:41:03,885
all his efforts are backfiring.

1146
00:41:04,505 --> 00:41:06,184
Now if I fail at something, not only

1147
00:41:06,184 --> 00:41:08,105
have I failed, but I have also let

1148
00:41:08,105 --> 00:41:10,425
him down. So I'm terrified to make mistakes.

1149
00:41:10,425 --> 00:41:12,510
I fucked up enough already. I don't just

1150
00:41:12,510 --> 00:41:14,190
feel like a bad sub, but a bad

1151
00:41:14,190 --> 00:41:16,349
human. But if I tell him this, then

1152
00:41:16,349 --> 00:41:18,829
the dynamic comes to an end because he's

1153
00:41:18,829 --> 00:41:20,670
made it clear that he's there to empower

1154
00:41:20,670 --> 00:41:22,289
me and not just fool around.

1155
00:41:22,590 --> 00:41:23,329
I'm trying.

1156
00:41:23,630 --> 00:41:26,989
Meditation, can't afford therapy, running, meeting people, giving

1157
00:41:26,989 --> 00:41:29,605
interviews, working really hard at the office, picking

1158
00:41:29,605 --> 00:41:32,404
up lost hobbies, staying clean. I'm trying so

1159
00:41:32,404 --> 00:41:34,484
hard to please him, but I just don't

1160
00:41:34,484 --> 00:41:35,545
know what to do.

1161
00:41:38,244 --> 00:41:40,164
And that I know understand not being able

1162
00:41:40,164 --> 00:41:42,484
to afford therapy. Mhmm. I get God knows

1163
00:41:42,484 --> 00:41:43,385
I get that.

1164
00:41:43,739 --> 00:41:46,619
Yeah. But I don't think for all the

1165
00:41:46,619 --> 00:41:49,420
air quote good that this person has done

1166
00:41:49,420 --> 00:41:50,159
for her,

1167
00:41:50,460 --> 00:41:52,619
it feels like we have replaced therapy with

1168
00:41:52,619 --> 00:41:54,400
kink and that kink is now the therapy.

1169
00:41:55,179 --> 00:41:56,235
And that is not sustainable. No.

1170
00:41:57,434 --> 00:41:59,675
Good for anybody. That is not healthy. No.

1171
00:41:59,675 --> 00:42:01,535
Because That is not healthy. Because

1172
00:42:01,914 --> 00:42:04,494
the kink is therapy cannot actually help you,

1173
00:42:05,114 --> 00:42:07,295
you know, deal with, look at, investigate

1174
00:42:07,914 --> 00:42:10,320
the internal stuff, the trauma that you've gone

1175
00:42:10,320 --> 00:42:12,720
through, how you see yourself, how you see

1176
00:42:12,720 --> 00:42:13,380
the world.

1177
00:42:13,920 --> 00:42:17,039
There's no professional expertise behind it to help.

1178
00:42:17,039 --> 00:42:19,280
It's just, hey, be the perfect sub. Do

1179
00:42:19,280 --> 00:42:20,800
the things I tell you to and somehow

1180
00:42:20,800 --> 00:42:23,140
magically your life is gonna be better and

1181
00:42:23,360 --> 00:42:25,235
clearly that is not the case.

1182
00:42:25,695 --> 00:42:27,474
No. So I would say to this person,

1183
00:42:29,215 --> 00:42:29,715
please

1184
00:42:30,095 --> 00:42:31,855
please look for a therapist and if you

1185
00:42:31,855 --> 00:42:33,775
don't have insurance, you don't have ask about

1186
00:42:33,775 --> 00:42:35,695
a sliding scale. See if you can get

1187
00:42:35,695 --> 00:42:38,035
something like discount or their group

1188
00:42:38,494 --> 00:42:41,250
therapy sessions that you know, somebody offers?

1189
00:42:41,789 --> 00:42:43,710
Those are not always great for, like, the

1190
00:42:43,710 --> 00:42:45,890
in-depth, like, private stuff you wanna talk about.

1191
00:42:46,750 --> 00:42:48,829
But my you know, then my understanding is

1192
00:42:48,829 --> 00:42:51,170
those are typically less expensive per person

1193
00:42:51,789 --> 00:42:54,295
than a private session. I mean, I just

1194
00:42:54,454 --> 00:42:57,094
but I'm why would this person go looking

1195
00:42:57,094 --> 00:42:58,954
for that when they think they have

1196
00:42:59,815 --> 00:43:02,695
the dom who can help quote fix them?

1197
00:43:02,695 --> 00:43:04,775
Yeah. You have no impetus to go look

1198
00:43:04,775 --> 00:43:06,775
for a therapist or get creative about how

1199
00:43:06,775 --> 00:43:08,309
we pay for this. What do I what

1200
00:43:08,309 --> 00:43:10,429
do I go without to whatever. How do

1201
00:43:10,429 --> 00:43:12,190
I handle this? You know? And I don't

1202
00:43:12,190 --> 00:43:13,550
want people to go without just to get

1203
00:43:13,550 --> 00:43:14,690
some sort of care. But

1204
00:43:15,070 --> 00:43:16,510
assuming they're in The US, this is The

1205
00:43:16,510 --> 00:43:18,510
US. That's what you do sometimes. Yeah. I

1206
00:43:18,510 --> 00:43:18,989
know.

1207
00:43:19,710 --> 00:43:21,434
Because I feel like this is

1208
00:43:22,235 --> 00:43:24,954
the for all of the other details, don't

1209
00:43:24,954 --> 00:43:27,055
worry. We're getting into that too.

1210
00:43:27,515 --> 00:43:29,914
For all of the other weirdness in this

1211
00:43:29,914 --> 00:43:30,414
situation,

1212
00:43:31,675 --> 00:43:33,454
the fact that it has,

1213
00:43:34,369 --> 00:43:36,289
air quote, been air quote so well, gone

1214
00:43:36,289 --> 00:43:38,789
so well, is the fucking miracle.

1215
00:43:39,170 --> 00:43:39,670
Because

1216
00:43:40,530 --> 00:43:42,789
if you had told me about this person,

1217
00:43:43,329 --> 00:43:45,410
we're getting there. We're gonna talk about that

1218
00:43:45,410 --> 00:43:47,175
fucking mask. What the fuck? Yeah.

1219
00:43:49,094 --> 00:43:50,375
But if you had told me the details

1220
00:43:50,375 --> 00:43:51,894
of who this person was and what they

1221
00:43:51,894 --> 00:43:53,974
were doing, I would never have said that

1222
00:43:53,974 --> 00:43:56,295
this person would have felt empowered or felt

1223
00:43:56,295 --> 00:43:58,054
like they had gotten, air quote, better in

1224
00:43:58,054 --> 00:43:59,335
any way. I'd have been like, oh my

1225
00:43:59,335 --> 00:44:01,369
god. That what is happening? What was it

1226
00:44:01,369 --> 00:44:03,210
years ago? I had the masked comedian and

1227
00:44:03,210 --> 00:44:04,910
now got the masked dom.

1228
00:44:05,769 --> 00:44:06,510
My god.

1229
00:44:10,010 --> 00:44:11,690
There's a lot there's a lot going on

1230
00:44:11,690 --> 00:44:12,190
here.

1231
00:44:12,635 --> 00:44:15,114
For her sake, I desperately want her to

1232
00:44:15,114 --> 00:44:15,855
find therapy.

1233
00:44:16,394 --> 00:44:16,974
Yes. Because

1234
00:44:17,514 --> 00:44:19,835
what is happening is and I read through

1235
00:44:19,835 --> 00:44:22,234
the comments on this one Mhmm. Because my

1236
00:44:22,234 --> 00:44:24,474
supposition and several people said it, and then

1237
00:44:24,474 --> 00:44:27,030
the the OP responded was, wait. Did he

1238
00:44:27,030 --> 00:44:29,030
say he'd be disappointed, or is this your

1239
00:44:29,030 --> 00:44:30,869
trauma talking and you assume it? No. No.

1240
00:44:30,869 --> 00:44:32,010
No. He indicated.

1241
00:44:32,390 --> 00:44:33,769
He would find it very disappointing.

1242
00:44:34,950 --> 00:44:37,050
He'd be very disappointed in her.

1243
00:44:38,470 --> 00:44:38,894
This

1244
00:44:39,695 --> 00:44:41,235
woman has gone through,

1245
00:44:42,255 --> 00:44:42,755
like

1246
00:44:43,614 --> 00:44:46,175
I can only imagine deep trauma to be

1247
00:44:46,175 --> 00:44:49,155
addicted to drugs and have gotten yourself clean,

1248
00:44:50,175 --> 00:44:51,775
kind of on your own. I I don't

1249
00:44:51,775 --> 00:44:54,400
care what the masked man is doing

1250
00:44:54,780 --> 00:44:56,559
behind the fucking curtain. Right.

1251
00:44:57,180 --> 00:44:57,680
Like

1252
00:44:58,460 --> 00:45:00,619
and that kills me because they are capable

1253
00:45:00,619 --> 00:45:02,460
of doing things. They had somebody kind of

1254
00:45:02,460 --> 00:45:03,840
in the back pushing them

1255
00:45:04,140 --> 00:45:05,894
or giving them the nudge or whatever, but

1256
00:45:05,894 --> 00:45:07,494
they're the ones that did it. So they're

1257
00:45:07,494 --> 00:45:09,675
the ones that are stronger than they realize.

1258
00:45:10,375 --> 00:45:12,215
But now they think they need this guy

1259
00:45:12,215 --> 00:45:13,515
and his fucking approval,

1260
00:45:14,454 --> 00:45:16,775
and the real world is still crashing down

1261
00:45:16,775 --> 00:45:18,179
around their ears. The trauma

1262
00:45:19,380 --> 00:45:21,779
is still fucking veiled. It it it's almost

1263
00:45:21,779 --> 00:45:22,839
in a sense,

1264
00:45:23,219 --> 00:45:23,719
like,

1265
00:45:24,019 --> 00:45:26,199
she's using this Dom as a crutch.

1266
00:45:28,019 --> 00:45:29,559
And he's allowing it? Yeah.

1267
00:45:30,019 --> 00:45:31,304
And he's allowing it.

1268
00:45:32,505 --> 00:45:33,244
And okay.

1269
00:45:33,625 --> 00:45:35,565
Okay. So we want her to okay.

1270
00:45:37,144 --> 00:45:38,844
We we want her to go to therapy.

1271
00:45:39,065 --> 00:45:39,565
Mhmm.

1272
00:45:40,184 --> 00:45:42,585
I certainly understand the idea of if I

1273
00:45:42,585 --> 00:45:44,710
just from a submissive perspective, I just do

1274
00:45:44,710 --> 00:45:47,349
what this person tells me to do and

1275
00:45:47,349 --> 00:45:49,130
I do it right and look at works.

1276
00:45:49,269 --> 00:45:50,789
And as long as I keep doing it,

1277
00:45:50,789 --> 00:45:53,110
clearly, I can get better. That no. No.

1278
00:45:53,110 --> 00:45:55,190
Clearly there. But I see where the the

1279
00:45:55,190 --> 00:45:56,565
connections are made. Okay.

1280
00:45:58,324 --> 00:45:58,984
So let's

1281
00:45:59,284 --> 00:46:01,304
I think I think this kind of thing

1282
00:46:01,925 --> 00:46:04,644
probably would a person in their her situation

1283
00:46:04,644 --> 00:46:06,565
is probably more susceptible to a thing like

1284
00:46:06,565 --> 00:46:07,864
this. But I would not

1285
00:46:08,164 --> 00:46:10,664
be so arrogant as to say only somebody

1286
00:46:11,260 --> 00:46:14,640
dealing with serious trauma and who needs help

1287
00:46:14,860 --> 00:46:16,800
could fall for this. So let's just

1288
00:46:17,739 --> 00:46:18,559
set aside

1289
00:46:18,940 --> 00:46:21,059
her needs and her trauma, and my god,

1290
00:46:21,059 --> 00:46:22,400
I hope she finds a therapist.

1291
00:46:24,554 --> 00:46:25,775
He's a masked

1292
00:46:27,275 --> 00:46:28,335
dumb. Mhmm.

1293
00:46:28,875 --> 00:46:29,614
She doesn't

1294
00:46:29,914 --> 00:46:32,795
know his he's not giving his name. When

1295
00:46:32,795 --> 00:46:34,175
they meet up in person,

1296
00:46:34,795 --> 00:46:37,194
he's wearing a mask. The moment I got

1297
00:46:37,194 --> 00:46:38,875
to that line, I went, wait. Is this

1298
00:46:38,875 --> 00:46:40,010
fucking fiction?

1299
00:46:40,430 --> 00:46:40,930
Is

1300
00:46:41,349 --> 00:46:41,849
this,

1301
00:46:42,230 --> 00:46:42,730
like,

1302
00:46:43,110 --> 00:46:44,090
what? What?

1303
00:46:45,989 --> 00:46:47,130
Can we can we

1304
00:46:47,590 --> 00:46:49,849
just set a rule that maybe,

1305
00:46:50,309 --> 00:46:50,809
maybe,

1306
00:46:51,590 --> 00:46:52,949
if they will not show their face and

1307
00:46:52,949 --> 00:46:54,710
they will not tell you their their legal

1308
00:46:54,710 --> 00:46:55,210
name,

1309
00:46:56,015 --> 00:46:58,655
Maybe we should not negotiate a power exchange

1310
00:46:58,655 --> 00:47:01,215
where we give them that much control over

1311
00:47:01,215 --> 00:47:03,614
who the fuck we are. I don't care

1312
00:47:03,614 --> 00:47:06,094
if in the beginning it's air quote it's

1313
00:47:06,094 --> 00:47:08,655
air quote worked out well. Because here's the

1314
00:47:08,655 --> 00:47:10,960
thing. This person, I imagine, is not a

1315
00:47:10,960 --> 00:47:13,119
trained professional. A trained professional who cares about

1316
00:47:13,119 --> 00:47:14,720
their license would not do shit like this.

1317
00:47:14,720 --> 00:47:15,220
No.

1318
00:47:17,200 --> 00:47:18,180
But because

1319
00:47:19,440 --> 00:47:21,200
anybody with trauma is gonna hit a wall

1320
00:47:21,200 --> 00:47:23,965
at some point, and there's been no therapeutic

1321
00:47:24,184 --> 00:47:26,505
care. Mm-mm. He's now I think I said

1322
00:47:26,505 --> 00:47:29,144
it. Putting a deadline on self improvement. And

1323
00:47:29,144 --> 00:47:31,785
so now her sense of self worth is

1324
00:47:31,785 --> 00:47:33,405
wrapped up in a masked,

1325
00:47:33,945 --> 00:47:35,164
nameless guy.

1326
00:47:38,570 --> 00:47:40,650
And I get why she would because it

1327
00:47:40,650 --> 00:47:43,449
worked until it didn't. Except did it really

1328
00:47:43,449 --> 00:47:46,250
work, or did that put, like, a a

1329
00:47:46,250 --> 00:47:47,309
sheen over

1330
00:47:47,769 --> 00:47:48,750
all the hard,

1331
00:47:49,369 --> 00:47:49,635
yucky,

1332
00:47:50,275 --> 00:47:51,795
dark stuff that A Band Aid on an

1333
00:47:51,795 --> 00:47:53,735
open wound. Right. Right.

1334
00:47:56,514 --> 00:47:57,014
Masked

1335
00:47:57,554 --> 00:47:58,695
and no name.

1336
00:48:00,514 --> 00:48:02,534
And I bumped my mic. I'm sorry, y'all.

1337
00:48:02,675 --> 00:48:04,800
Oh my god. Oh my god. I mean,

1338
00:48:04,800 --> 00:48:06,099
I can see it for a scene.

1339
00:48:06,400 --> 00:48:08,640
For a scene? Sure. Yeah. I could even

1340
00:48:08,640 --> 00:48:09,380
see it

1341
00:48:10,000 --> 00:48:11,920
when you meet somebody, and that's like their

1342
00:48:11,920 --> 00:48:13,840
shtick. I could see it if the guy

1343
00:48:13,840 --> 00:48:14,340
is,

1344
00:48:15,599 --> 00:48:16,739
some kind of, like,

1345
00:48:18,505 --> 00:48:20,445
pro dom of some sort, and that's

1346
00:48:21,065 --> 00:48:22,045
the act.

1347
00:48:22,505 --> 00:48:23,005
Mhmm.

1348
00:48:24,105 --> 00:48:26,184
I wouldn't like it. I would give it

1349
00:48:26,184 --> 00:48:28,264
side eye. I don't think it would be

1350
00:48:28,264 --> 00:48:29,085
risk aware

1351
00:48:29,625 --> 00:48:31,784
because we want to be able to point

1352
00:48:31,784 --> 00:48:32,764
out a criminal

1353
00:48:33,480 --> 00:48:34,219
in a lineup.

1354
00:48:34,679 --> 00:48:36,920
Right. So maybe we know what the fuck

1355
00:48:36,920 --> 00:48:37,739
they look

1356
00:48:38,360 --> 00:48:39,340
like. Oh my god.

1357
00:48:40,119 --> 00:48:42,280
Oh my god. And I'm I'm not I

1358
00:48:42,280 --> 00:48:44,539
do not say any of that to

1359
00:48:45,320 --> 00:48:45,820
criticize

1360
00:48:46,734 --> 00:48:47,954
our submissive in this.

1361
00:48:48,255 --> 00:48:50,434
I think they were a vulnerable person.

1362
00:48:50,815 --> 00:48:53,635
Mhmm. And this air quote dom went,

1363
00:48:54,014 --> 00:48:54,675
ah, perfect.

1364
00:48:56,655 --> 00:48:58,755
I would love to know, did she question

1365
00:48:58,974 --> 00:48:59,714
the mask?

1366
00:49:00,659 --> 00:49:01,159
Or

1367
00:49:02,099 --> 00:49:03,319
Right. You know?

1368
00:49:07,539 --> 00:49:09,319
Yes. Who is that masked man?

1369
00:49:12,420 --> 00:49:13,300
Who is now

1370
00:49:16,514 --> 00:49:18,755
this is this is where the control that

1371
00:49:18,755 --> 00:49:20,054
a Dom gets

1372
00:49:20,914 --> 00:49:22,054
is so precarious

1373
00:49:22,594 --> 00:49:23,655
Mhmm. Because

1374
00:49:24,194 --> 00:49:24,694
he

1375
00:49:25,234 --> 00:49:27,635
gave her things to do. He gave her

1376
00:49:27,635 --> 00:49:28,135
expectations

1377
00:49:28,690 --> 00:49:30,690
that worked for her or seemed to work

1378
00:49:30,690 --> 00:49:33,570
for her. So she found some level of

1379
00:49:33,570 --> 00:49:34,949
self improvement, and she's

1380
00:49:35,570 --> 00:49:36,469
feeling better

1381
00:49:37,010 --> 00:49:39,829
to some extent about some things. Clearly,

1382
00:49:41,224 --> 00:49:42,985
Trauma never really goes away. I mean, even

1383
00:49:42,985 --> 00:49:44,105
when you do learn how to do it,

1384
00:49:44,105 --> 00:49:45,784
there are still triggers. There's still panic from

1385
00:49:45,784 --> 00:49:46,605
time to time.

1386
00:49:47,784 --> 00:49:48,284
But

1387
00:49:48,585 --> 00:49:49,804
now there's a dependence

1388
00:49:50,505 --> 00:49:53,005
on this person helps me be better.

1389
00:49:54,320 --> 00:49:56,260
I'm not better, and they're

1390
00:49:56,719 --> 00:49:58,820
telling her they're gonna be disappointed.

1391
00:49:59,440 --> 00:49:59,940
Yeah.

1392
00:50:00,480 --> 00:50:02,559
Are you are you fucking kidding me? Are

1393
00:50:02,559 --> 00:50:03,780
you fucking kidding me?

1394
00:50:05,440 --> 00:50:07,300
Rip the mask off. Mhmm.

1395
00:50:08,135 --> 00:50:09,755
Give me his legal

1396
00:50:10,054 --> 00:50:13,094
government legal name. Let us do a background

1397
00:50:13,094 --> 00:50:14,135
search. I don't know how to do that.

1398
00:50:14,135 --> 00:50:15,675
I'd have a friend do that. But still,

1399
00:50:17,414 --> 00:50:18,394
oh my god.

1400
00:50:20,054 --> 00:50:21,989
I I would I would love to know

1401
00:50:22,150 --> 00:50:24,389
what he said to sell that to her.

1402
00:50:24,389 --> 00:50:26,150
Because all what I'm thinking right now I

1403
00:50:26,150 --> 00:50:27,590
don't wanna take away her agency or say

1404
00:50:27,590 --> 00:50:29,190
that, you know, she was too vulnerable to

1405
00:50:29,190 --> 00:50:30,869
be able to whatever. But how what kind

1406
00:50:30,869 --> 00:50:33,289
of vulnerable position was she in? Mhmm.

1407
00:50:33,670 --> 00:50:35,829
And how how much had he, air quote,

1408
00:50:35,829 --> 00:50:36,329
helped?

1409
00:50:36,894 --> 00:50:38,095
The the by the time they got to

1410
00:50:38,095 --> 00:50:39,954
that point, she went, okay.

1411
00:50:40,414 --> 00:50:42,335
Or was there a discussion? And then how

1412
00:50:42,335 --> 00:50:44,655
manipulative was he Right. To like

1413
00:50:49,230 --> 00:50:50,909
But somebody who has gone through just a

1414
00:50:50,909 --> 00:50:52,590
tiny little bit of what you described and

1415
00:50:52,590 --> 00:50:54,750
was still on drugs apparently at the time

1416
00:50:55,070 --> 00:50:55,570
Mhmm.

1417
00:50:56,190 --> 00:50:57,329
That's a vulnerable

1418
00:50:57,710 --> 00:50:58,210
person.

1419
00:50:59,389 --> 00:51:01,070
That is a person who might not be

1420
00:51:01,070 --> 00:51:03,250
making the best choices for themselves.

1421
00:51:06,755 --> 00:51:08,375
And what what is the long

1422
00:51:08,994 --> 00:51:11,255
term game for him? Is it as long

1423
00:51:11,875 --> 00:51:14,034
as she's responding in the way that he

1424
00:51:14,034 --> 00:51:15,734
wants, he'll stay around forever?

1425
00:51:16,194 --> 00:51:18,610
Or was there a point he was gonna

1426
00:51:18,750 --> 00:51:19,969
toss her to the side?

1427
00:51:21,390 --> 00:51:23,550
And she's got this dependence on him on

1428
00:51:23,550 --> 00:51:25,710
that? That would, yeah, that would send that

1429
00:51:25,789 --> 00:51:28,590
send him into a spiral. Right. Yeah. Right.

1430
00:51:28,590 --> 00:51:30,829
So even if he thinks he's doing, air

1431
00:51:30,829 --> 00:51:32,590
quote, good work here and he thinks that

1432
00:51:32,590 --> 00:51:35,625
this is like, it clearly is not. Right.

1433
00:51:35,684 --> 00:51:37,464
Oh my god. Oh my god.

1434
00:51:44,724 --> 00:51:46,025
Look. I am

1435
00:51:46,324 --> 00:51:46,824
impressed

1436
00:51:47,125 --> 00:51:48,184
with this person

1437
00:51:54,710 --> 00:51:55,369
if they

1438
00:51:55,989 --> 00:51:58,230
pulled themselves up to the point that they're

1439
00:51:58,230 --> 00:52:01,509
at essentially on their own. Mhmm. Fuck a

1440
00:52:01,509 --> 00:52:03,074
Dom who tells you what to do or

1441
00:52:04,275 --> 00:52:06,355
whatever. I'm impressed with a person like that.

1442
00:52:06,355 --> 00:52:07,494
That is that is

1443
00:52:08,434 --> 00:52:09,255
that's amazing.

1444
00:52:09,554 --> 00:52:11,954
It shows strength. It shows that you can

1445
00:52:11,954 --> 00:52:13,554
do it, and what you actually need is

1446
00:52:13,554 --> 00:52:16,034
professional help to to get you to next

1447
00:52:16,034 --> 00:52:16,534
levels.

1448
00:52:18,199 --> 00:52:20,859
Not a masked, nameless dog. Now,

1449
00:52:21,159 --> 00:52:22,219
silent said,

1450
00:52:24,039 --> 00:52:26,359
the thing that made me think it you

1451
00:52:26,359 --> 00:52:26,859
know,

1452
00:52:27,319 --> 00:52:28,619
is this one real?

1453
00:52:29,079 --> 00:52:31,215
And for me, that line was, I don't

1454
00:52:31,215 --> 00:52:32,894
know his name, and I've never seen his

1455
00:52:32,894 --> 00:52:33,394
face.

1456
00:52:33,934 --> 00:52:35,695
Where the fuck would you meet

1457
00:52:36,175 --> 00:52:36,675
Yeah.

1458
00:52:37,055 --> 00:52:39,375
Unless it's in the privacy of somebody's home,

1459
00:52:39,375 --> 00:52:41,375
where there just be some guy with a

1460
00:52:41,375 --> 00:52:42,195
mask on,

1461
00:52:42,575 --> 00:52:44,969
just chilling at the coffee shop? I feel

1462
00:52:45,050 --> 00:52:47,130
feel like people would notice that. Or

1463
00:52:47,769 --> 00:52:49,690
I I guess the only thing that Like,

1464
00:52:49,690 --> 00:52:51,050
what kind of mask? So, of course, I'm

1465
00:52:51,050 --> 00:52:53,449
thinking, like, Zora or something. Yeah. I'm I'm

1466
00:52:53,449 --> 00:52:56,250
thinking masker and I'm thinking, like, Jason. I

1467
00:52:56,250 --> 00:52:56,750
know.

1468
00:52:57,050 --> 00:52:58,030
Was it just,

1469
00:52:58,409 --> 00:52:59,434
n 90 '5?

1470
00:53:00,135 --> 00:53:00,875
I don't

1471
00:53:01,974 --> 00:53:03,735
know. If it's re if it's real that's

1472
00:53:03,735 --> 00:53:05,094
where to me, I start going, wait. Is

1473
00:53:05,094 --> 00:53:07,414
this even fucking real? Right. I mean, yeah.

1474
00:53:07,414 --> 00:53:08,235
Yeah. I mean,

1475
00:53:09,015 --> 00:53:10,934
did they meet at a dungeon and he

1476
00:53:10,934 --> 00:53:12,695
was there? He had the mask on? You

1477
00:53:12,695 --> 00:53:14,610
know? And it's, like, part of the the

1478
00:53:14,610 --> 00:53:16,789
shtick. Right. You're right. I yeah.

1479
00:53:19,809 --> 00:53:23,090
The overarching lesson for anybody else, let's assume

1480
00:53:23,170 --> 00:53:25,430
let whether this is real or not is

1481
00:53:25,650 --> 00:53:28,130
can't cannot be your fucking therapy. No. Because

1482
00:53:28,130 --> 00:53:29,945
even if it looks like it's working in

1483
00:53:29,945 --> 00:53:31,965
the short term, it is not actually working.

1484
00:53:32,505 --> 00:53:34,025
And it could end up doing more harm

1485
00:53:34,025 --> 00:53:36,664
than good. Exactly. Exactly. Because you're not actually

1486
00:53:36,664 --> 00:53:37,164
working

1487
00:53:37,545 --> 00:53:40,025
through the trauma in the way that a

1488
00:53:40,025 --> 00:53:42,664
professional In the healthy way. The right person,

1489
00:53:42,664 --> 00:53:44,619
the the right professional could help you do.

1490
00:53:48,119 --> 00:53:50,619
So even if it's fake, let's everybody take

1491
00:53:50,680 --> 00:53:53,000
two lessons. Kink is not fair kink does

1492
00:53:53,000 --> 00:53:55,675
not replace therapy. Mhmm. Kink can be therapeutic.

1493
00:53:55,815 --> 00:53:58,775
Yes. Abso fucking lutely. There are definitely people

1494
00:53:58,775 --> 00:53:59,434
who have,

1495
00:54:00,295 --> 00:54:01,114
in conjunction

1496
00:54:01,414 --> 00:54:04,454
with therapy and other things, worked through trauma

1497
00:54:04,454 --> 00:54:05,594
in kink scenes,

1498
00:54:05,974 --> 00:54:08,394
took back the control or got to, like,

1499
00:54:08,534 --> 00:54:11,170
almost Yeah. Rewire the brain a little bit

1500
00:54:11,170 --> 00:54:13,970
and associate a thing with something positive instead

1501
00:54:13,970 --> 00:54:16,309
of something negative. That's a thing that happens.

1502
00:54:17,010 --> 00:54:18,710
Please only under professional,

1503
00:54:19,969 --> 00:54:20,869
like, guidance.

1504
00:54:21,250 --> 00:54:23,635
Please, my god. But kink itself is not

1505
00:54:23,635 --> 00:54:26,355
therapy and cannot replace that. It cannot just

1506
00:54:26,355 --> 00:54:27,174
fix you.

1507
00:54:27,795 --> 00:54:29,635
And also, the second lesson is if they

1508
00:54:29,635 --> 00:54:30,914
won't tell you their name and they won't

1509
00:54:30,914 --> 00:54:31,894
show you their face,

1510
00:54:32,275 --> 00:54:32,775
run.

1511
00:54:33,635 --> 00:54:35,234
It's fine in the beginning when you don't

1512
00:54:35,234 --> 00:54:37,414
know each other. Yeah. Okay. Like,

1513
00:54:37,839 --> 00:54:40,719
I was we were faceless. Mhmm. You know,

1514
00:54:40,719 --> 00:54:41,119
we went

1515
00:54:41,679 --> 00:54:43,359
you didn't know my legal name for a

1516
00:54:43,359 --> 00:54:44,739
hot minute. Right?

1517
00:54:45,599 --> 00:54:46,099
But

1518
00:54:46,800 --> 00:54:49,440
once you're you're down to negotiating a dynamic

1519
00:54:49,440 --> 00:54:50,579
and there's a relationship

1520
00:54:51,039 --> 00:54:53,965
Then there you know? Yeah. Nameless and faceless,

1521
00:54:54,585 --> 00:54:55,324
ain't it?

1522
00:54:56,425 --> 00:55:00,184
Yeah. That is just like a bouquet of

1523
00:55:00,184 --> 00:55:00,925
red flags

1524
00:55:01,785 --> 00:55:02,605
being presented

1525
00:55:03,304 --> 00:55:05,485
to another red flag holding

1526
00:55:06,210 --> 00:55:08,929
a bouquet of like, it's just red flag

1527
00:55:08,929 --> 00:55:09,829
fucking city

1528
00:55:10,289 --> 00:55:12,210
where everything is a red flag. The red

1529
00:55:12,210 --> 00:55:14,230
flag parade? Oh my fucking god.

1530
00:55:14,929 --> 00:55:15,429
So

1531
00:55:15,969 --> 00:55:18,289
yeah. It oh god. I hope it's fake.

1532
00:55:18,289 --> 00:55:19,425
I hope it's fake. I hope it's fake.

1533
00:55:19,425 --> 00:55:20,070
I hope it's fake.

1534
00:55:21,329 --> 00:55:22,355
I hope it's fake.

1535
00:55:23,295 --> 00:55:23,795
Okay.

1536
00:55:25,855 --> 00:55:26,914
Next one.

1537
00:55:27,614 --> 00:55:29,614
This one, I think, is interesting because I'm

1538
00:55:29,614 --> 00:55:30,434
not sure

1539
00:55:30,974 --> 00:55:32,815
there's an easy answer, but it is

1540
00:55:34,380 --> 00:55:35,900
I think it's something that people must think

1541
00:55:35,900 --> 00:55:37,359
about. So here we go.

1542
00:55:37,980 --> 00:55:39,500
Like more than just this one person who's

1543
00:55:39,500 --> 00:55:42,799
asking. It's fairness in rules and consequences.

1544
00:55:44,139 --> 00:55:45,760
Context, me, Dom,

1545
00:55:46,139 --> 00:55:47,579
set a list of rules that my wife,

1546
00:55:47,579 --> 00:55:50,085
the submissive, must follow around our scenes and

1547
00:55:50,164 --> 00:55:53,065
some outside which have consequences if not followed.

1548
00:55:53,525 --> 00:55:55,364
My side of the dynamic is easy, but

1549
00:55:55,364 --> 00:55:57,264
recently one of the rules which,

1550
00:55:58,484 --> 00:55:59,304
has commitment,

1551
00:55:59,925 --> 00:56:01,784
from, you know, one side was broken.

1552
00:56:02,324 --> 00:56:04,964
I didn't uphold our sex at least twice

1553
00:56:04,964 --> 00:56:07,410
a week rule because of some personal stuff.

1554
00:56:07,550 --> 00:56:09,710
I'm not making excuses. And she feels it

1555
00:56:09,710 --> 00:56:12,030
isn't fair that I'm not held accountable in

1556
00:56:12,030 --> 00:56:14,130
this dynamic, which I totally get.

1557
00:56:14,510 --> 00:56:15,949
Now we had a little chat with the

1558
00:56:15,949 --> 00:56:18,110
view of getting some ideas together and discussing

1559
00:56:18,110 --> 00:56:20,429
again. Now we're exclusively Dom and Sub, but

1560
00:56:20,429 --> 00:56:22,565
I'm pretty open to experimenting with being a

1561
00:56:22,565 --> 00:56:24,244
switch. So I'm gonna bring that to the

1562
00:56:24,244 --> 00:56:26,264
table with ideas that we somehow incorporate

1563
00:56:26,565 --> 00:56:27,704
a a bit of,

1564
00:56:28,724 --> 00:56:29,045
in

1565
00:56:29,844 --> 00:56:30,344
okay.

1566
00:56:32,644 --> 00:56:34,804
I the the words aren't all making sense

1567
00:56:34,804 --> 00:56:35,699
and it's not me.

1568
00:56:36,179 --> 00:56:38,599
I'm gonna read it as it's written

1569
00:56:39,300 --> 00:56:42,199
that we somehow incorporate a bit of story

1570
00:56:42,420 --> 00:56:43,559
into the idea

1571
00:56:44,579 --> 00:56:47,239
that I'm bound to the commitment of dominating

1572
00:56:47,380 --> 00:56:49,859
her and failure to do that results in

1573
00:56:49,859 --> 00:56:51,945
her having to punish me. So I guess

1574
00:56:51,945 --> 00:56:55,305
he would switch and be submissive Mhmm. If

1575
00:56:55,305 --> 00:56:57,005
punishment was needed. I

1576
00:56:57,465 --> 00:56:59,224
I guess my question is, how would you

1577
00:56:59,224 --> 00:57:01,065
guys handle this or have handled this in

1578
00:57:01,065 --> 00:57:03,065
the past? I want her to feel even

1579
00:57:03,065 --> 00:57:04,905
and the rules really help take the guesswork

1580
00:57:04,905 --> 00:57:07,319
out of our dynamic. Any other ideas, also

1581
00:57:07,319 --> 00:57:07,819
welcome.

1582
00:57:08,359 --> 00:57:09,960
We have had this conversation before. We did

1583
00:57:09,960 --> 00:57:11,079
a whole episode on accountability

1584
00:57:11,480 --> 00:57:13,480
Mhmm. Because the question does come up. Well,

1585
00:57:13,480 --> 00:57:15,239
I, as a submissive, have agreed to follow

1586
00:57:15,239 --> 00:57:16,599
the rules. And if I don't follow the

1587
00:57:16,599 --> 00:57:18,940
rules, there's consequences. There's punishment.

1588
00:57:19,364 --> 00:57:21,045
So what happens if the dom does not

1589
00:57:21,045 --> 00:57:22,405
follow the rules? Well, this is easy. They

1590
00:57:22,405 --> 00:57:24,565
don't get to be your dom. Right? That

1591
00:57:24,644 --> 00:57:26,184
that's the ultimate accountability.

1592
00:57:26,485 --> 00:57:28,985
Right. But in this sense of

1593
00:57:30,485 --> 00:57:32,085
there was a rule we had in our

1594
00:57:32,085 --> 00:57:32,585
relationship,

1595
00:57:32,885 --> 00:57:34,849
and I did not follow through

1596
00:57:35,630 --> 00:57:37,069
how am I held as the dom, how

1597
00:57:37,069 --> 00:57:38,529
am I held accountable? Now

1598
00:57:38,829 --> 00:57:40,849
I wanna do that, but I I can't

1599
00:57:40,909 --> 00:57:43,250
gloss over the rule that got broken.

1600
00:57:43,710 --> 00:57:46,029
We're supposed to have sex twice a week.

1601
00:57:46,029 --> 00:57:46,529
Yeah.

1602
00:57:46,885 --> 00:57:49,605
And personal stuff came up. First first of

1603
00:57:49,605 --> 00:57:50,105
all,

1604
00:57:51,845 --> 00:57:53,525
am I gonna be am I gonna be

1605
00:57:53,525 --> 00:57:53,845
kind of

1606
00:57:54,885 --> 00:57:56,325
I don't know if I'm gonna be, like,

1607
00:57:56,325 --> 00:57:57,385
an old lady

1608
00:57:57,684 --> 00:57:59,625
or a bitch or crotchety.

1609
00:58:00,360 --> 00:58:02,760
Uh-oh. Or old fashioned. I don't know. I

1610
00:58:02,760 --> 00:58:03,420
don't know.

1611
00:58:05,240 --> 00:58:08,119
There are expectations in our relationship. There are

1612
00:58:08,119 --> 00:58:10,119
things we agree to. There are agreements that

1613
00:58:10,119 --> 00:58:11,800
we have of how what we would like

1614
00:58:11,800 --> 00:58:12,700
to have happen.

1615
00:58:13,635 --> 00:58:14,934
I cannot imagine

1616
00:58:16,034 --> 00:58:19,074
there being a rule that we both follow.

1617
00:58:19,074 --> 00:58:21,235
And so if the dom, air quote, breaks

1618
00:58:21,235 --> 00:58:21,894
the rule,

1619
00:58:22,434 --> 00:58:24,434
the dom needs to be held accountable for

1620
00:58:24,434 --> 00:58:26,614
it. You make the ultimate decisions.

1621
00:58:27,329 --> 00:58:28,710
You set we negotiate.

1622
00:58:29,090 --> 00:58:31,010
You set rules. I agree to whether I

1623
00:58:31,010 --> 00:58:32,930
can abide by them. You're like, this is

1624
00:58:32,930 --> 00:58:34,469
how we're gonna live our life.

1625
00:58:35,410 --> 00:58:37,250
But ultimately, you're the one in charge of

1626
00:58:37,250 --> 00:58:39,590
the fucking rules. So if a thing

1627
00:58:40,385 --> 00:58:42,864
does not happen according to the agreement that

1628
00:58:42,864 --> 00:58:44,164
we've set in our relationship,

1629
00:58:46,385 --> 00:58:48,545
to me, that's not a broken rule. That

1630
00:58:48,545 --> 00:58:50,224
is you had to make a decision. Now

1631
00:58:50,224 --> 00:58:52,864
should there be communication about that? Oh, yeah.

1632
00:58:52,864 --> 00:58:55,510
Absolutely. Of course. Communicate about it. I mean,

1633
00:58:55,510 --> 00:58:56,890
that that's just like a,

1634
00:58:57,269 --> 00:58:59,430
you know, one of those things. Life's gonna

1635
00:58:59,430 --> 00:59:01,110
rear its head. That's the other thing. I

1636
00:59:01,110 --> 00:59:02,309
don't think you should have a rule about

1637
00:59:02,309 --> 00:59:03,590
how much fucking sex you're having in a

1638
00:59:03,590 --> 00:59:05,989
week because life is gonna rear its head.

1639
00:59:05,989 --> 00:59:08,489
Right. I mean, what if what if

1640
00:59:08,795 --> 00:59:10,635
one of them was not, like, had a

1641
00:59:10,635 --> 00:59:12,715
physical ailment and was or was just simply

1642
00:59:12,715 --> 00:59:14,235
not in the mood for a week? You're

1643
00:59:14,235 --> 00:59:14,875
supposed to go,

1644
00:59:15,515 --> 00:59:17,614
doesn't fucking matter. I guess I'm curious.

1645
00:59:17,914 --> 00:59:18,894
That rule,

1646
00:59:21,035 --> 00:59:22,414
is it set days?

1647
00:59:23,519 --> 00:59:25,000
Or is it just twice within a week?

1648
00:59:25,119 --> 00:59:26,719
You know, twice within the week at at

1649
00:59:26,719 --> 00:59:28,960
some point? And he and see here and,

1650
00:59:28,960 --> 00:59:30,980
again, I might I might be

1651
00:59:32,160 --> 00:59:35,460
an old lady submissive who is, you know,

1652
00:59:35,599 --> 00:59:37,440
still in the two thousands. I don't know.

1653
00:59:37,440 --> 00:59:38,945
I don't know. The world does move on

1654
00:59:38,945 --> 00:59:41,105
from you, and I can't follow every conversation

1655
00:59:41,105 --> 00:59:42,324
kinksters are having.

1656
00:59:43,265 --> 00:59:45,204
But all I can think is,

1657
00:59:46,304 --> 00:59:47,285
I can understand

1658
00:59:47,664 --> 00:59:48,164
wanting,

1659
00:59:48,704 --> 00:59:52,170
hoping for, looking forward to, in this case,

1660
00:59:52,170 --> 00:59:53,389
sex twice a week.

1661
00:59:59,210 --> 01:00:00,349
I but

1662
01:00:01,530 --> 01:00:03,755
the dom is in charge of that. Yeah?

1663
01:00:04,375 --> 01:00:06,375
I mean, ultimately, the submissive you could agree

1664
01:00:06,375 --> 01:00:08,534
that submissive can, like, be like, hey. Tonight,

1665
01:00:08,534 --> 01:00:09,275
can we?

1666
01:00:10,934 --> 01:00:13,255
Or that who the initiation of sex is

1667
01:00:13,255 --> 01:00:14,934
outside of your power dynamic. You can you

1668
01:00:14,934 --> 01:00:16,795
can certainly negotiate that.

1669
01:00:20,579 --> 01:00:23,139
But I'm I think I'm deeply uncomfortable with

1670
01:00:23,139 --> 01:00:24,980
these kinds of air quote rules being set

1671
01:00:24,980 --> 01:00:26,199
for Dom. Expectations

1672
01:00:26,579 --> 01:00:29,059
and understandings that the rule of being allowed

1673
01:00:29,059 --> 01:00:31,619
to be a Dom is respecting boundaries and,

1674
01:00:31,619 --> 01:00:32,280
you know,

1675
01:00:32,594 --> 01:00:35,795
being risk aware and taking the responsibility on

1676
01:00:35,795 --> 01:00:37,155
of the control and the power and the

1677
01:00:37,155 --> 01:00:38,295
whatever whatever whatever.

1678
01:00:38,594 --> 01:00:40,195
Those are I guess we could call those

1679
01:00:40,195 --> 01:00:41,255
rules. Mhmm.

1680
01:00:42,684 --> 01:00:43,184
But

1681
01:00:45,250 --> 01:00:47,410
there's a rule that everybody has to follow,

1682
01:00:47,410 --> 01:00:49,250
but the guy the the person that in

1683
01:00:49,250 --> 01:00:51,110
this case, the dom that's in charge

1684
01:00:52,050 --> 01:00:53,730
I mean, my brain says the dom gets

1685
01:00:53,730 --> 01:00:55,809
to decide if that's happening or not because

1686
01:00:55,809 --> 01:00:58,769
that's the dom. Unless you negotiated outside. Right.

1687
01:00:58,769 --> 01:01:00,469
Right. A specific conversation.

1688
01:01:01,454 --> 01:01:03,075
I mean go ahead. No.

1689
01:01:04,095 --> 01:01:04,595
No.

1690
01:01:05,614 --> 01:01:07,454
I'm struggling over here. Yeah. And I it

1691
01:01:07,454 --> 01:01:07,954
could

1692
01:01:09,295 --> 01:01:10,914
I know. I mean, I'm you know,

1693
01:01:12,335 --> 01:01:13,855
to say, you know, well, we're gonna do

1694
01:01:13,855 --> 01:01:15,300
this twice a week like that. You know,

1695
01:01:15,300 --> 01:01:16,680
there's so many things,

1696
01:01:17,140 --> 01:01:19,059
you know. I mean, come on. We both

1697
01:01:19,059 --> 01:01:19,559
know

1698
01:01:20,420 --> 01:01:22,500
when you and I, there are times you

1699
01:01:22,500 --> 01:01:23,559
may have a migraine.

1700
01:01:23,860 --> 01:01:26,340
Sure. You know, my back acts up. So,

1701
01:01:26,340 --> 01:01:26,660
you know

1702
01:01:27,539 --> 01:01:29,864
Right. I I'm gonna say in general, I

1703
01:01:29,864 --> 01:01:31,085
don't think a

1704
01:01:31,385 --> 01:01:33,465
a rule that would have consequences, let's put

1705
01:01:33,465 --> 01:01:36,425
it that way Yeah. Of sex or scenes

1706
01:01:36,425 --> 01:01:38,125
or anything physical

1707
01:01:38,985 --> 01:01:40,844
is gonna happen a minimum

1708
01:01:41,304 --> 01:01:43,545
of a cert you know? Mhmm. I understand

1709
01:01:43,545 --> 01:01:46,469
wanting to have to to create structure around

1710
01:01:46,469 --> 01:01:47,910
that if you haven't been getting enough and

1711
01:01:47,910 --> 01:01:50,410
you're like, okay. Then we've we've gotta, like,

1712
01:01:50,949 --> 01:01:52,390
we've gotta set something in place so we

1713
01:01:52,390 --> 01:01:54,150
have a better chance of succeeding at what

1714
01:01:54,150 --> 01:01:55,449
we'd like to have happen.

1715
01:01:56,070 --> 01:01:58,230
Mhmm. But that would be like let's say

1716
01:01:58,230 --> 01:01:59,210
let's just say

1717
01:01:59,664 --> 01:02:02,464
our submissive, the wife, she's on her period,

1718
01:02:02,464 --> 01:02:04,065
and it's, like, the worst period of her

1719
01:02:04,065 --> 01:02:06,385
fucking life, and she does not like period

1720
01:02:06,385 --> 01:02:08,864
sex. Should she still have to have had

1721
01:02:08,864 --> 01:02:09,364
sex

1722
01:02:09,744 --> 01:02:11,664
the two times in the week and then

1723
01:02:11,664 --> 01:02:13,105
be punished if she went, I'm on my

1724
01:02:13,105 --> 01:02:14,789
fucking period and I'm miserable. Get the fuck

1725
01:02:14,789 --> 01:02:16,869
away from me. No. We we all know

1726
01:02:16,869 --> 01:02:18,550
that the answer to that is no. Right?

1727
01:02:18,550 --> 01:02:20,150
Like, I don't I don't I try not

1728
01:02:20,150 --> 01:02:21,210
to think in universality.

1729
01:02:21,510 --> 01:02:24,329
Like, there's nuance and there's exceptions to everything.

1730
01:02:24,789 --> 01:02:27,269
But if if she was in a situation

1731
01:02:27,269 --> 01:02:27,769
where

1732
01:02:29,605 --> 01:02:32,325
she could not physically or would not physically,

1733
01:02:32,325 --> 01:02:34,405
like, for whatever and that's just a single

1734
01:02:34,405 --> 01:02:36,565
example. It doesn't say no was enough. I

1735
01:02:36,565 --> 01:02:39,125
mean, y'all. And it doesn't sound like they're

1736
01:02:39,285 --> 01:02:41,445
there's no detail here. Did they negotiate free

1737
01:02:41,445 --> 01:02:43,925
use? And so he just initiates when I

1738
01:02:43,925 --> 01:02:45,920
say he. I don't know. The dom initiates

1739
01:02:46,300 --> 01:02:46,800
whenever.

1740
01:02:47,179 --> 01:02:48,880
It just needs to be twice a week.

1741
01:02:49,579 --> 01:02:51,519
But that's still his decision then.

1742
01:02:52,059 --> 01:02:53,039
Because he's the

1743
01:02:53,420 --> 01:02:55,199
the person is the dom. Mhmm.

1744
01:02:55,739 --> 01:02:57,885
So the the the breakdown is

1745
01:02:58,684 --> 01:03:00,525
there should have been communication of there's stuff

1746
01:03:00,605 --> 01:03:02,204
I've got stuff going on. There's this is

1747
01:03:02,204 --> 01:03:03,744
not gonna happen this week.

1748
01:03:07,244 --> 01:03:07,744
I

1749
01:03:09,485 --> 01:03:11,824
like, yeah. Dom's have to be held accountable.

1750
01:03:12,925 --> 01:03:13,425
But

1751
01:03:13,980 --> 01:03:15,920
accountability for Dom looks

1752
01:03:16,539 --> 01:03:19,760
different if a submissive has agreed to punishment,

1753
01:03:19,900 --> 01:03:22,639
consequences, because the the accountability for the submissive

1754
01:03:23,420 --> 01:03:26,699
is the consequence. Right? Right. And we've we

1755
01:03:26,699 --> 01:03:29,179
did this episode ages ago. I have to

1756
01:03:29,179 --> 01:03:31,614
go, like, find the link to this ages

1757
01:03:31,614 --> 01:03:32,114
ago.

1758
01:03:32,815 --> 01:03:35,775
And it is a tricky thing because once

1759
01:03:35,775 --> 01:03:38,514
the Dom has the control and the power,

1760
01:03:38,815 --> 01:03:40,275
the accountability is

1761
01:03:40,974 --> 01:03:42,255
they don't get to have the control and

1762
01:03:42,255 --> 01:03:43,775
the power. That can that can be taken

1763
01:03:43,775 --> 01:03:45,549
away. And it could be that you, if

1764
01:03:45,549 --> 01:03:48,130
that's the accountability that needs to happen,

1765
01:03:48,589 --> 01:03:50,750
you might just take you might renegotiate and

1766
01:03:50,750 --> 01:03:52,510
go, okay. You don't have control over this

1767
01:03:52,510 --> 01:03:55,150
thing. Mhmm. Because right? Or you renegotiate and

1768
01:03:55,150 --> 01:03:56,909
go, we're not doing this anymore or whatever

1769
01:03:56,909 --> 01:03:57,569
it is.

1770
01:03:59,704 --> 01:04:01,644
Because that that's it ultimately.

1771
01:04:02,585 --> 01:04:04,585
Now if we're talking about folks who are

1772
01:04:04,585 --> 01:04:07,324
switches and they something about that they like

1773
01:04:07,545 --> 01:04:09,565
or it's a turn on or

1774
01:04:09,864 --> 01:04:11,785
it feels right to both of them to

1775
01:04:11,785 --> 01:04:12,269
kinda

1776
01:04:12,829 --> 01:04:13,329
okay.

1777
01:04:14,190 --> 01:04:16,210
I'm I don't have an opinion about that.

1778
01:04:16,750 --> 01:04:17,250
But

1779
01:04:17,789 --> 01:04:19,489
I would not set a rule

1780
01:04:20,110 --> 01:04:21,969
around sex or or fuckery

1781
01:04:22,590 --> 01:04:24,110
because the body will do what the body

1782
01:04:24,110 --> 01:04:25,344
will do. The life will do what the

1783
01:04:25,344 --> 01:04:27,525
life will do, and it will not cooperate

1784
01:04:27,664 --> 01:04:28,965
with your sex schedule.

1785
01:04:29,505 --> 01:04:30,805
Sometimes it just won't.

1786
01:04:32,465 --> 01:04:33,844
If a dom cannot

1787
01:04:34,144 --> 01:04:35,925
do what they've agreed to do,

1788
01:04:36,639 --> 01:04:38,639
what they need to do is communicate, over

1789
01:04:38,639 --> 01:04:39,139
communicate.

1790
01:04:39,599 --> 01:04:41,679
The moment you know there's things going on.

1791
01:04:41,679 --> 01:04:44,079
And and quite frankly, if this was a

1792
01:04:44,079 --> 01:04:46,239
submissive who was saying this of, we're supposed

1793
01:04:46,239 --> 01:04:47,280
to have sex twice a week and I

1794
01:04:47,280 --> 01:04:48,559
didn't do it because I have personal stuff,

1795
01:04:48,559 --> 01:04:50,340
I'd be like, there should be no consequence

1796
01:04:50,480 --> 01:04:51,139
for that.

1797
01:04:51,515 --> 01:04:52,494
If there were consequence

1798
01:04:52,954 --> 01:04:54,954
at all, it would be you didn't speak

1799
01:04:54,954 --> 01:04:56,715
up soon enough so we could you know,

1800
01:04:56,715 --> 01:04:58,715
I knew what was going on. Right. But

1801
01:04:58,715 --> 01:05:00,335
that is not the same as

1802
01:05:00,635 --> 01:05:02,875
you your personal life or your work life

1803
01:05:02,875 --> 01:05:04,574
or your physical health

1804
01:05:05,119 --> 01:05:07,440
prevented you from doing this, there's no

1805
01:05:09,039 --> 01:05:09,940
what? What?

1806
01:05:10,960 --> 01:05:13,059
This isn't like, you know, speaking a respectful

1807
01:05:13,119 --> 01:05:14,260
tone. Mhmm.

1808
01:05:14,559 --> 01:05:16,640
Have my coffee ready by. Do this to

1809
01:05:16,800 --> 01:05:18,719
like, there's Yeah. I think you have to

1810
01:05:18,719 --> 01:05:20,239
be you have to walk a very fine

1811
01:05:20,239 --> 01:05:22,634
line when we're talking about sex or fuckery

1812
01:05:22,634 --> 01:05:25,693
or kink of any kind that's we're talking

1813
01:05:25,693 --> 01:05:28,412
physical acts because life will intervene. Sure. The

1814
01:05:28,412 --> 01:05:31,131
the whole person needs to want to consent

1815
01:05:31,131 --> 01:05:33,850
to that. You know? And there are all

1816
01:05:33,850 --> 01:05:36,570
kinds of reasons why that's not gonna work.

1817
01:05:37,849 --> 01:05:40,030
But I just I'm stuck on

1818
01:05:41,369 --> 01:05:42,590
why would the dom,

1819
01:05:43,050 --> 01:05:44,510
air quote, get in trouble

1820
01:05:44,809 --> 01:05:45,949
for not initiating

1821
01:05:46,489 --> 01:05:48,809
sex if the dom has control over the

1822
01:05:48,809 --> 01:05:50,110
initiation of sex?

1823
01:05:51,465 --> 01:05:54,184
Yeah. No. It doesn't. If it assuming that's

1824
01:05:54,184 --> 01:05:56,585
been negotiated, if it's Mhmm. A thing that's

1825
01:05:56,585 --> 01:05:58,825
with outside of their power exchange, then nobody

1826
01:05:58,825 --> 01:06:00,425
gets punished for that because it's outside the

1827
01:06:00,425 --> 01:06:01,644
power exchange. Exactly.

1828
01:06:02,985 --> 01:06:05,625
Maybe the what the course correction is you

1829
01:06:05,625 --> 01:06:08,059
renegotiate. How do you make this easier? Do

1830
01:06:08,059 --> 01:06:08,960
you negotiate

1831
01:06:09,820 --> 01:06:11,280
that the submissive initiates?

1832
01:06:12,059 --> 01:06:13,900
Or may or does things that make it

1833
01:06:13,900 --> 01:06:15,900
a little bit easier to you know? And

1834
01:06:15,900 --> 01:06:17,420
I don't when I say does things make

1835
01:06:17,420 --> 01:06:19,280
it easier to do, I mean things like,

1836
01:06:19,815 --> 01:06:22,214
hey. Can you take care of this chore?

1837
01:06:22,214 --> 01:06:23,815
I usually do because if I have to

1838
01:06:23,815 --> 01:06:24,474
do that,

1839
01:06:25,014 --> 01:06:26,695
I'm not gonna have time or energy for

1840
01:06:26,695 --> 01:06:28,714
this. Can you handle a couple of things

1841
01:06:28,934 --> 01:06:30,155
in the life department?

1842
01:06:30,855 --> 01:06:32,635
So to to sort of

1843
01:06:33,880 --> 01:06:35,179
make the path easier

1844
01:06:35,880 --> 01:06:37,980
Yeah. To getting fucked. Right?

1845
01:06:38,440 --> 01:06:40,139
Maybe you negotiate that.

1846
01:06:42,359 --> 01:06:44,300
I don't know. I'm I'm just I'm

1847
01:06:46,519 --> 01:06:47,019
Flummoxed.

1848
01:06:47,565 --> 01:06:49,085
I feel like a fuddy duddy. I'm sure

1849
01:06:49,085 --> 01:06:50,684
there is somebody out there that is like,

1850
01:06:50,684 --> 01:06:52,625
this is not how we do this anymore.

1851
01:06:53,484 --> 01:06:54,304
Okay. Cool.

1852
01:06:56,284 --> 01:06:56,784
I

1853
01:06:59,085 --> 01:07:00,065
I just think

1854
01:07:00,819 --> 01:07:02,579
I don't I do not set a rule

1855
01:07:02,579 --> 01:07:04,339
around what your the physical things you're gonna

1856
01:07:04,339 --> 01:07:06,039
do, how often you're gonna do them.

1857
01:07:06,900 --> 01:07:08,760
If you know you cannot meet the expectation

1858
01:07:08,980 --> 01:07:10,900
or the this would be nice to have

1859
01:07:10,900 --> 01:07:12,819
for the time frame, you talk as much

1860
01:07:12,819 --> 01:07:13,480
as possible.

1861
01:07:14,054 --> 01:07:16,855
Doms get held accountable. Their accountability is if

1862
01:07:16,855 --> 01:07:18,534
they fuck it up, they don't get to

1863
01:07:18,534 --> 01:07:19,894
Dom anymore. They don't get to be in

1864
01:07:19,894 --> 01:07:21,494
charge of that thing or you as a

1865
01:07:21,494 --> 01:07:22,795
person or the relationship.

1866
01:07:23,494 --> 01:07:25,255
But the what you're looking for from a

1867
01:07:25,255 --> 01:07:27,494
Dom who fucks up is a sincere apology

1868
01:07:27,494 --> 01:07:30,510
and change behavior. Yeah. And change behavior sometimes

1869
01:07:30,510 --> 01:07:32,510
they just need to just not do that

1870
01:07:32,510 --> 01:07:34,289
anymore or do that thing or whatever.

1871
01:07:34,590 --> 01:07:36,769
But it is also and can also be

1872
01:07:36,989 --> 01:07:38,050
how do we renegotiate

1873
01:07:38,910 --> 01:07:41,390
things within our life and our relationship so

1874
01:07:41,390 --> 01:07:42,910
this is easier to do? What do we

1875
01:07:42,910 --> 01:07:45,474
change so this doesn't happen again? How do

1876
01:07:45,474 --> 01:07:47,574
we adjust for whatever whatever?

1877
01:07:49,155 --> 01:07:50,295
But if

1878
01:07:51,954 --> 01:07:52,855
the agreement

1879
01:07:53,875 --> 01:07:55,574
is that you'd have sex and

1880
01:07:55,875 --> 01:07:58,034
and there's no anybody can initiate, it's the

1881
01:07:58,034 --> 01:07:59,014
dom who's initiating,

1882
01:07:59,480 --> 01:08:01,719
then the dom is in control of that.

1883
01:08:01,719 --> 01:08:04,119
The dom has some level of power and

1884
01:08:04,119 --> 01:08:06,920
authority over that. So then the dom gets

1885
01:08:06,920 --> 01:08:07,659
to decide

1886
01:08:08,679 --> 01:08:11,579
when it's happening and if it's happening.

1887
01:08:12,119 --> 01:08:13,019
And sometimes,

1888
01:08:14,914 --> 01:08:15,414
the

1889
01:08:16,354 --> 01:08:19,154
kind of sucky part of submission sometimes is

1890
01:08:19,154 --> 01:08:20,755
you want a thing to happen and your

1891
01:08:20,755 --> 01:08:22,534
Dom goes, it's not happening.

1892
01:08:23,475 --> 01:08:25,635
I have control over this. You've given me

1893
01:08:25,635 --> 01:08:26,694
control over this.

1894
01:08:26,994 --> 01:08:28,390
If you you don't want me to have

1895
01:08:28,390 --> 01:08:30,329
control over this, then let's renegotiate

1896
01:08:30,789 --> 01:08:33,369
and maybe do something different. But not

1897
01:08:33,909 --> 01:08:35,449
you there would be punishment.

1898
01:08:36,149 --> 01:08:38,329
Like, maybe I just need more details about

1899
01:08:38,630 --> 01:08:41,270
how this how this rule works Yeah. Within

1900
01:08:41,270 --> 01:08:42,104
the power exchange.

1901
01:08:43,225 --> 01:08:44,765
Because what? What?

1902
01:08:45,225 --> 01:08:45,725
Yeah.

1903
01:08:47,465 --> 01:08:47,965
It's

1904
01:08:48,425 --> 01:08:48,925
Wow.

1905
01:08:49,864 --> 01:08:52,364
It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. Okay.

1906
01:08:53,225 --> 01:08:55,289
I'll here's that's what I would say though.

1907
01:08:55,530 --> 01:08:56,970
No. If it's something that the dom is

1908
01:08:56,970 --> 01:08:57,949
in charge of,

1909
01:08:58,810 --> 01:09:00,970
that means sometimes you get denied a thing

1910
01:09:00,970 --> 01:09:01,630
you want.

1911
01:09:02,250 --> 01:09:05,289
But also don't make rules about specific amounts

1912
01:09:05,289 --> 01:09:06,890
of time or time of the week or

1913
01:09:06,890 --> 01:09:08,409
whatever that you're gonna do a thing that

1914
01:09:08,409 --> 01:09:09,789
requires your physical body.

1915
01:09:10,155 --> 01:09:11,914
Because the physical body will not like sex

1916
01:09:11,914 --> 01:09:13,774
or scenes or whatever. Mm-mm. Mm-mm.

1917
01:09:14,074 --> 01:09:16,095
Set a nice to have. Set a goal.

1918
01:09:16,555 --> 01:09:18,335
This is what we would like to achieve.

1919
01:09:18,555 --> 01:09:21,454
But then be really fucking realistic about life.

1920
01:09:23,059 --> 01:09:24,260
That is what I would say on that.

1921
01:09:24,260 --> 01:09:26,519
Anything you wanna add on that one? No.

1922
01:09:27,619 --> 01:09:28,819
Kim says, so the only way to hold

1923
01:09:28,819 --> 01:09:30,599
the dom accountable is to leave the relationship.

1924
01:09:31,059 --> 01:09:32,679
If they won't apologize

1925
01:09:33,219 --> 01:09:34,840
and change their behavior,

1926
01:09:35,755 --> 01:09:37,034
sometimes, yeah. What are you gonna do? Put

1927
01:09:37,034 --> 01:09:38,795
your dom in the corner? I mean, you

1928
01:09:38,795 --> 01:09:40,875
could negotiate it. Look. In a package range,

1929
01:09:40,875 --> 01:09:42,875
you can negotiate anything you want. And if

1930
01:09:42,875 --> 01:09:44,335
a dom is willing to, like,

1931
01:09:45,194 --> 01:09:45,854
do that,

1932
01:09:46,475 --> 01:09:48,395
I'm not gonna tell somebody they can't do

1933
01:09:48,395 --> 01:09:48,895
that.

1934
01:09:49,435 --> 01:09:49,935
But

1935
01:09:50,369 --> 01:09:53,170
that is there's a a level of authority

1936
01:09:53,170 --> 01:09:55,170
depending on how you negotiate your power exchange

1937
01:09:55,170 --> 01:09:57,189
that you grant a dom. So

1938
01:09:57,969 --> 01:10:00,609
if they violate boundaries, they should not be

1939
01:10:00,609 --> 01:10:03,969
doming you anytime soon, maybe ever again. Right?

1940
01:10:03,969 --> 01:10:06,064
That's a that's a a broken rule that

1941
01:10:06,064 --> 01:10:08,564
a dom needs to follow. If they consistently

1942
01:10:08,864 --> 01:10:10,804
won't do a thing they agreed to do,

1943
01:10:11,425 --> 01:10:13,204
or why are we in this power exchange?

1944
01:10:13,265 --> 01:10:15,425
Something needs to be renegotiated or maybe this

1945
01:10:15,425 --> 01:10:16,324
is not working.

1946
01:10:16,625 --> 01:10:18,244
You see what I'm saying? Like,

1947
01:10:18,550 --> 01:10:20,470
the rule air quote rules that a domino

1948
01:10:20,470 --> 01:10:22,470
break are the kind that will fuck up

1949
01:10:22,470 --> 01:10:23,130
a relationship.

1950
01:10:24,070 --> 01:10:27,270
Right? They ignore the safe word. They didn't

1951
01:10:27,350 --> 01:10:29,670
they're not checking in consistently. You're having the

1952
01:10:29,670 --> 01:10:30,170
conversation.

1953
01:10:30,789 --> 01:10:30,825
They're not apologizing when they do fuck up.

1954
01:10:30,825 --> 01:10:30,869
They're not following through. They're not being consistent.

1955
01:10:30,869 --> 01:10:31,484
They're not

1956
01:10:33,725 --> 01:10:35,725
being consistent. They're not admitting that they they've

1957
01:10:35,725 --> 01:10:36,545
made a mistake.

1958
01:10:37,085 --> 01:10:39,005
Right? They're trying to gaslight you into, I

1959
01:10:39,005 --> 01:10:40,944
didn't fuck this up. You misunderstood.

1960
01:10:41,564 --> 01:10:43,324
The kinds of things doms can do that

1961
01:10:43,324 --> 01:10:44,944
would, air quote, break a rule

1962
01:10:45,420 --> 01:10:47,659
are the kinds of things that will harm

1963
01:10:47,659 --> 01:10:49,739
a relationship or a power dynamic or a

1964
01:10:49,739 --> 01:10:50,239
person.

1965
01:10:51,579 --> 01:10:53,520
So when something goes wrong,

1966
01:10:54,300 --> 01:10:55,360
we have a conversation,

1967
01:10:56,060 --> 01:10:58,720
we figure out what the hell happened,

1968
01:11:00,614 --> 01:11:01,434
The dom

1969
01:11:02,774 --> 01:11:04,454
tells you what they tell you. They say

1970
01:11:04,454 --> 01:11:06,135
I won't do that again. I will put

1971
01:11:06,135 --> 01:11:07,914
some things in place so that doesn't happen.

1972
01:11:08,534 --> 01:11:09,034
Whatever.

1973
01:11:09,734 --> 01:11:12,474
Can you, within your unique power exchange,

1974
01:11:12,774 --> 01:11:14,154
negotiate that maybe

1975
01:11:15,014 --> 01:11:15,514
a

1976
01:11:16,590 --> 01:11:18,829
consequence? You let me say it again. You

1977
01:11:18,829 --> 01:11:19,329
can.

1978
01:11:19,789 --> 01:11:21,710
My brain cannot wrap around that, but that

1979
01:11:21,710 --> 01:11:24,270
doesn't mean it's not possible. It just means

1980
01:11:24,270 --> 01:11:26,189
it no. I couldn't. I don't I don't

1981
01:11:26,189 --> 01:11:28,510
know how that would work. Because the air

1982
01:11:28,510 --> 01:11:29,329
quote rules

1983
01:11:29,824 --> 01:11:31,984
JB has are to be my dom and

1984
01:11:31,984 --> 01:11:32,564
to be

1985
01:11:33,505 --> 01:11:34,005
responsible

1986
01:11:34,944 --> 01:11:36,244
for me, for the relationship,

1987
01:11:36,704 --> 01:11:38,885
to do the things he agreed to do.

1988
01:11:39,185 --> 01:11:41,585
Those are his rules. My rules are to

1989
01:11:41,585 --> 01:11:42,784
do the things I agreed to do, but

1990
01:11:42,784 --> 01:11:44,244
my rules are very specific.

1991
01:11:44,670 --> 01:11:46,670
I make the coffee. I do the bed.

1992
01:11:46,670 --> 01:11:48,449
I do the this. I do the that.

1993
01:11:48,909 --> 01:11:51,949
His rules are keep me fucking safe. Mhmm.

1994
01:11:51,949 --> 01:11:54,750
Respect my boundaries. Yep. You know what I

1995
01:11:54,750 --> 01:11:57,630
mean? So the accountability part is, yeah, maybe

1996
01:11:57,630 --> 01:11:59,405
they don't they're not your dom anymore.

1997
01:12:00,664 --> 01:12:01,164
That's

1998
01:12:01,625 --> 01:12:02,444
that's what,

1999
01:12:04,104 --> 01:12:04,925
I would say.

2000
01:12:07,145 --> 01:12:09,145
I'm not yelling at you, Kim. You I

2001
01:12:09,145 --> 01:12:10,604
got ranty. I'm sorry.

2002
01:12:14,529 --> 01:12:16,289
And, again, I think that there

2003
01:12:16,770 --> 01:12:18,449
it is reasonable for somebody to have a

2004
01:12:18,449 --> 01:12:20,850
completely different, perspective of what a rule is

2005
01:12:20,850 --> 01:12:22,449
for a DOM and then to define that

2006
01:12:22,449 --> 01:12:22,949
differently.

2007
01:12:24,289 --> 01:12:26,050
At this moment in time, my brain is

2008
01:12:26,050 --> 01:12:26,550
not

2009
01:12:26,850 --> 01:12:27,909
not seeing it.

2010
01:12:28,449 --> 01:12:30,534
By the way, maybe because of how our

2011
01:12:30,534 --> 01:12:32,375
power exchange works. By the way, I understand

2012
01:12:32,375 --> 01:12:33,994
power exchange to be.

2013
01:12:34,854 --> 01:12:36,694
Because now when we're talking power exchange, we're

2014
01:12:36,694 --> 01:12:38,395
talking a dom versus a top.

2015
01:12:39,175 --> 01:12:42,055
A top who's not been given any necessarily

2016
01:12:42,055 --> 01:12:44,939
any general authority over anything, but they're the

2017
01:12:44,939 --> 01:12:47,119
the doer or the giver or the whatever

2018
01:12:47,179 --> 01:12:48,619
in the scene, well, then we just don't

2019
01:12:48,619 --> 01:12:50,559
do that same. There's your accountability.

2020
01:12:50,859 --> 01:12:53,579
Nope. We're not doing that right now or

2021
01:12:53,579 --> 01:12:54,079
again.

2022
01:12:55,020 --> 01:12:56,559
Whatever. But yeah.

2023
01:12:57,405 --> 01:12:59,005
I mean, it it does depend on how

2024
01:12:59,005 --> 01:13:00,625
you negotiated your power exchange.

2025
01:13:01,005 --> 01:13:01,505
But

2026
01:13:02,524 --> 01:13:04,125
if what the power exchange is for the

2027
01:13:04,125 --> 01:13:06,305
dom is broad authority over something

2028
01:13:07,484 --> 01:13:10,125
Yeah. Then their rules are kind of high

2029
01:13:10,125 --> 01:13:10,590
level

2030
01:13:11,069 --> 01:13:14,210
specific, but they're about safety and care mostly.

2031
01:13:15,149 --> 01:13:16,989
It's not usually, the rule is you'll give

2032
01:13:16,989 --> 01:13:17,489
me

2033
01:13:17,949 --> 01:13:20,109
10 Spanx with a wooden paddle, and if

2034
01:13:20,109 --> 01:13:20,770
you don't,

2035
01:13:21,229 --> 01:13:23,389
I give you 10 like, I I take

2036
01:13:23,389 --> 01:13:25,005
your paddle away. That doesn't

2037
01:13:25,324 --> 01:13:26,704
I just don't that doesn't

2038
01:13:27,085 --> 01:13:29,264
work in my brain. Even a bad dom.

2039
01:13:29,564 --> 01:13:30,465
Yeah. No.

2040
01:13:30,925 --> 01:13:32,604
Yeah. Because when a dom is a bad

2041
01:13:32,604 --> 01:13:35,104
dom, they are then an unsafe and irresponsible

2042
01:13:35,645 --> 01:13:36,704
dom. Like,

2043
01:13:37,244 --> 01:13:39,390
I don't know. That's that's where I'm at

2044
01:13:39,390 --> 01:13:41,390
on that one. Okay. Good. Kim knew I

2045
01:13:41,390 --> 01:13:43,310
wasn't yelling at her. You're good. I did

2046
01:13:43,310 --> 01:13:45,329
raise my own blood pressure. Okay.

2047
01:13:46,829 --> 01:13:49,469
Okay. We have one more. Okay. And I

2048
01:13:49,469 --> 01:13:51,409
think this will be lighter hearted.

2049
01:13:52,989 --> 01:13:55,354
I think so. It is shorter if that

2050
01:13:55,354 --> 01:13:55,854
counts.

2051
01:13:57,755 --> 01:14:01,354
How to keep praise and verbal affirmation feeling

2052
01:14:01,354 --> 01:14:03,375
meaningful in long term dynamics.

2053
01:14:04,154 --> 01:14:05,594
I wanna start off by saying that I

2054
01:14:05,594 --> 01:14:07,800
haven't been in a DS dynamic yet, but

2055
01:14:07,800 --> 01:14:09,960
I got a little bit into overthinking mode

2056
01:14:09,960 --> 01:14:10,460
yesterday.

2057
01:14:10,840 --> 01:14:12,359
And I was wondering how those of you

2058
01:14:12,359 --> 01:14:14,359
that have been in long term dynamics keep

2059
01:14:14,359 --> 01:14:17,000
things new and exciting in terms of praise

2060
01:14:17,000 --> 01:14:18,139
slash being verbal.

2061
01:14:18,679 --> 01:14:20,840
I imagine that after a year or so

2062
01:14:20,840 --> 01:14:22,784
of hearing the same phrases like you feel

2063
01:14:22,784 --> 01:14:24,625
so good, good girl, you take me so

2064
01:14:24,625 --> 01:14:27,025
well, etcetera, over and over again, they might

2065
01:14:27,025 --> 01:14:28,704
lose some of their impact. Like, you hear

2066
01:14:28,704 --> 01:14:30,305
the words, but they don't hit the same

2067
01:14:30,305 --> 01:14:32,565
way or feel as meaningful anymore.

2068
01:14:32,945 --> 01:14:34,945
Does that actually happen? If so, how do

2069
01:14:34,945 --> 01:14:35,970
you avoid that?

2070
01:14:36,369 --> 01:14:38,610
As I said, maybe I'm just overthinking, but

2071
01:14:38,610 --> 01:14:40,930
I'd really appreciate some insight from more experienced

2072
01:14:40,930 --> 01:14:43,250
people. Look. Look. Over thinkers of the world

2073
01:14:43,250 --> 01:14:45,729
unite. Okay. I can I can see how

2074
01:14:45,729 --> 01:14:48,630
you go down that that mental rabbit hole?

2075
01:14:49,774 --> 01:14:50,755
So as as,

2076
01:14:51,854 --> 01:14:53,854
as a dom who does lots of talking,

2077
01:14:53,854 --> 01:14:56,354
both praise and dirty talk and degradation,

2078
01:14:57,295 --> 01:14:59,614
and as a sub who likes to hear

2079
01:14:59,614 --> 01:15:00,755
at least some of it,

2080
01:15:03,219 --> 01:15:05,239
what say you? How do you how do

2081
01:15:05,380 --> 01:15:06,520
you change it up?

2082
01:15:06,979 --> 01:15:08,039
Get it to Tharas.

2083
01:15:08,420 --> 01:15:09,479
Here's the thing.

2084
01:15:10,739 --> 01:15:12,739
Here's what I would say. If you were

2085
01:15:12,739 --> 01:15:15,139
just saying good girl all the time over

2086
01:15:15,139 --> 01:15:17,465
every little thing, yes. It will absolutely lose

2087
01:15:17,465 --> 01:15:19,224
its impact. Just just like somebody who's, you

2088
01:15:19,224 --> 01:15:21,224
know, constantly says I love you. I was

2089
01:15:21,224 --> 01:15:23,224
married to that. I got heard I love

2090
01:15:23,224 --> 01:15:24,585
you all the time. Saw no action, but

2091
01:15:24,585 --> 01:15:25,625
I heard it all the time. And it

2092
01:15:25,625 --> 01:15:28,364
does lose something. It it it loses something

2093
01:15:28,425 --> 01:15:30,664
when you hear it too much. Absolutely. Mhmm.

2094
01:15:31,064 --> 01:15:31,619
You know,

2095
01:15:33,539 --> 01:15:35,800
and I I can't help to think sometimes,

2096
01:15:37,220 --> 01:15:39,560
you know, with with us, I think actions

2097
01:15:39,860 --> 01:15:40,840
speak more than

2098
01:15:41,539 --> 01:15:42,840
the words. Mhmm.

2099
01:15:43,780 --> 01:15:44,280
Okay.

2100
01:15:47,284 --> 01:15:48,425
I'm trying to you know?

2101
01:15:51,364 --> 01:15:52,265
But then again,

2102
01:15:55,045 --> 01:15:56,324
you know, one of the things that I

2103
01:15:56,324 --> 01:15:58,425
do with with this one,

2104
01:16:01,060 --> 01:16:02,680
I thank her. Mhmm.

2105
01:16:03,380 --> 01:16:05,060
And I give you a weird look. That's

2106
01:16:05,060 --> 01:16:06,439
what You do. You do.

2107
01:16:07,699 --> 01:16:10,119
Might be my own trauma sneaking in there.

2108
01:16:10,500 --> 01:16:11,159
You know,

2109
01:16:12,545 --> 01:16:13,045
she

2110
01:16:14,225 --> 01:16:16,064
when when she helps me with stuff around

2111
01:16:16,064 --> 01:16:17,585
the house Mhmm. I always tell her, thank

2112
01:16:17,585 --> 01:16:18,965
you for helping me. I appreciate

2113
01:16:20,145 --> 01:16:22,385
the help. Mhmm. You don't have to tell

2114
01:16:22,385 --> 01:16:22,784
me. I

2115
01:16:23,425 --> 01:16:24,324
yeah. I do.

2116
01:16:25,024 --> 01:16:26,244
Yeah. I do. Mhmm.

2117
01:16:27,060 --> 01:16:28,260
Because you need to know it. If you

2118
01:16:28,260 --> 01:16:30,679
don't know it Right. You know?

2119
01:16:31,139 --> 01:16:33,000
But I'm not constantly

2120
01:16:34,579 --> 01:16:36,260
It's not every little thing. It's not every

2121
01:16:36,260 --> 01:16:38,340
day, all day. No. It's like, good girl.

2122
01:16:38,340 --> 01:16:40,284
I actually I love a good girl. Mhmm.

2123
01:16:40,284 --> 01:16:42,684
In the obedience app, when I finally remember

2124
01:16:42,684 --> 01:16:44,764
to check something, I do everything I'm supposed

2125
01:16:44,764 --> 01:16:46,204
to. I forget to go into the app

2126
01:16:46,204 --> 01:16:47,965
and check things off. But I get a

2127
01:16:47,965 --> 01:16:49,724
good girl. Like, there's this little thing that

2128
01:16:49,724 --> 01:16:51,005
pops up and it says good girl. Right?

2129
01:16:51,005 --> 01:16:52,444
And that's a thing he could set. You

2130
01:16:52,524 --> 01:16:53,885
if you decide to use the obedience app,

2131
01:16:53,885 --> 01:16:55,335
that's a thing he could set. So technically,

2132
01:16:55,335 --> 01:16:57,139
every day, I actually remember to go with

2133
01:16:57,139 --> 01:16:59,399
the obedience app and get a good girl.

2134
01:17:01,139 --> 01:17:04,340
But life happens. And so Right. Clearly, we

2135
01:17:04,340 --> 01:17:07,060
are not the only way of doing something,

2136
01:17:07,060 --> 01:17:08,679
but I think we're probably

2137
01:17:09,699 --> 01:17:12,564
typical in in this way. Life happens, and

2138
01:17:12,564 --> 01:17:15,364
so he's not always saying good girl. Right?

2139
01:17:15,364 --> 01:17:18,564
He's not during sex, he's not always saying

2140
01:17:18,564 --> 01:17:21,625
something. This man is a talker during fuckery.

2141
01:17:21,685 --> 01:17:22,824
Okay? He is.

2142
01:17:26,640 --> 01:17:28,880
And I have very mixed feelings about it,

2143
01:17:28,880 --> 01:17:30,800
but he's in control and I go with

2144
01:17:30,800 --> 01:17:32,640
it because I'm about to either get dick

2145
01:17:32,640 --> 01:17:34,479
down or have my ass beat in the

2146
01:17:34,479 --> 01:17:37,699
most delightful way. It's fine. Okay?

2147
01:17:38,079 --> 01:17:40,020
But just because that's a thing

2148
01:17:40,494 --> 01:17:42,435
JB likes and enjoys

2149
01:17:43,295 --> 01:17:45,454
and can get really into and does and

2150
01:17:45,454 --> 01:17:48,335
can be kind of air sort of consistent

2151
01:17:48,335 --> 01:17:50,654
about it, that doesn't still doesn't mean every

2152
01:17:50,654 --> 01:17:51,795
time. Yeah. Right?

2153
01:17:55,110 --> 01:17:57,270
He is very good at praise in general

2154
01:17:57,270 --> 01:17:59,189
because he's very good at gratitude. He knows

2155
01:17:59,189 --> 01:18:00,010
that I, like

2156
01:18:00,949 --> 01:18:04,390
even though I'm usually deeply uncomfortable with praise

2157
01:18:04,390 --> 01:18:06,310
because for some odd reason, I'm like, what

2158
01:18:06,310 --> 01:18:06,734
is

2159
01:18:07,774 --> 01:18:10,274
happening? I also like it. It's a bit

2160
01:18:10,274 --> 01:18:11,475
of a kink of mine. But he's

2161
01:18:11,854 --> 01:18:12,514
found a

2162
01:18:12,975 --> 01:18:13,475
rhythm

2163
01:18:13,854 --> 01:18:16,770
within the way he conducts himself so that

2164
01:18:16,770 --> 01:18:18,728
when it is said, it

2165
01:18:19,135 --> 01:18:19,795
is meaningful.

2166
01:18:20,734 --> 01:18:22,435
And in a way that's

2167
01:18:22,920 --> 01:18:25,400
very subjective, because it could be he said,

2168
01:18:25,400 --> 01:18:26,539
let's say, good girl,

2169
01:18:26,920 --> 01:18:28,140
yesterday and today,

2170
01:18:28,920 --> 01:18:30,699
and they it hits both times.

2171
01:18:31,159 --> 01:18:32,460
But yesterday was

2172
01:18:32,760 --> 01:18:33,500
for something

2173
01:18:34,280 --> 01:18:37,159
that was not fuckery or seen ish or

2174
01:18:37,159 --> 01:18:39,494
or dicking down, And it was, you know,

2175
01:18:39,494 --> 01:18:41,975
a thing I did. And so there's that

2176
01:18:41,975 --> 01:18:43,755
context, and that has that meaning.

2177
01:18:44,295 --> 01:18:47,015
And then now he's, like, growling in my

2178
01:18:47,015 --> 01:18:49,515
ear while he's holding me down. I'm

2179
01:18:49,975 --> 01:18:51,895
I'm living for it, and he's saying it

2180
01:18:51,895 --> 01:18:52,395
then

2181
01:18:53,130 --> 01:18:56,010
within that context. And so even though there's

2182
01:18:56,010 --> 01:18:57,149
been now a repeat,

2183
01:18:57,850 --> 01:19:00,090
it means something completely different. It has Right.

2184
01:19:00,090 --> 01:19:02,409
It has a a different slightly different impact

2185
01:19:02,409 --> 01:19:04,109
and so I'm not getting tired of it.

2186
01:19:04,250 --> 01:19:04,750
So

2187
01:19:05,244 --> 01:19:08,604
I think many people are probably like that

2188
01:19:08,604 --> 01:19:10,765
where you kinda find rhythms. You don't say

2189
01:19:10,765 --> 01:19:13,085
the same thing all the time. Look. I

2190
01:19:13,085 --> 01:19:13,585
got

2191
01:19:14,045 --> 01:19:16,305
I got impact kink. I got praise kink.

2192
01:19:16,685 --> 01:19:18,284
I got my kinks. You've got your kinks.

2193
01:19:18,284 --> 01:19:20,070
None of us get to indulge those kinks

2194
01:19:20,130 --> 01:19:21,510
every single day.

2195
01:19:21,970 --> 01:19:23,250
Or if we do get to do it

2196
01:19:23,250 --> 01:19:24,229
consistently, it's

2197
01:19:24,610 --> 01:19:27,189
rarely the same exact way every time.

2198
01:19:27,729 --> 01:19:28,229
So

2199
01:19:29,010 --> 01:19:31,729
that kind of praise is not happening every

2200
01:19:31,729 --> 01:19:33,734
day, and it's not happening in the same

2201
01:19:33,734 --> 01:19:35,814
way most of the time. And the context

2202
01:19:35,814 --> 01:19:37,895
around it is different. And I have a

2203
01:19:37,895 --> 01:19:40,554
feeling that is probably much more typical.

2204
01:19:41,175 --> 01:19:43,094
Are there people who have to, like, help

2205
01:19:43,094 --> 01:19:45,094
themselves remember, oh, yeah. I'm supposed to say

2206
01:19:45,094 --> 01:19:47,889
these things. And can they go a little

2207
01:19:47,889 --> 01:19:49,750
overboard and do it a little too often

2208
01:19:50,210 --> 01:19:52,789
or only do it within a specific

2209
01:19:53,170 --> 01:19:54,929
context because that's what they can remember? A

2210
01:19:54,929 --> 01:19:55,750
100%.

2211
01:19:55,889 --> 01:19:57,729
And they're gonna have to find tricks and

2212
01:19:57,729 --> 01:19:59,809
ways to work around that to kind of

2213
01:19:59,809 --> 01:20:02,244
vary it up, and it's gonna be important

2214
01:20:02,465 --> 01:20:02,965
for

2215
01:20:03,345 --> 01:20:07,125
the submissive partner who or whoever is receiving

2216
01:20:07,265 --> 01:20:07,765
that

2217
01:20:08,305 --> 01:20:10,064
to have the conversation of I love it

2218
01:20:10,064 --> 01:20:11,505
when you say this or I like this

2219
01:20:11,505 --> 01:20:13,024
kind of thing, but it

2220
01:20:14,090 --> 01:20:15,769
here's how it's happening and it's losing some

2221
01:20:15,769 --> 01:20:17,789
meaning for me. Can we try something different?

2222
01:20:18,170 --> 01:20:20,250
You know? Right. I have a feeling many

2223
01:20:20,250 --> 01:20:22,729
people might be a little uncomfortable saying, what

2224
01:20:22,729 --> 01:20:24,170
do you mean I have to negotiate my

2225
01:20:24,170 --> 01:20:26,895
praise? Uh-huh. It's your fucking kink.

2226
01:20:27,375 --> 01:20:29,135
It's the thing you want to hear and

2227
01:20:29,135 --> 01:20:31,375
you or you like hearing it. Mhmm. If

2228
01:20:31,375 --> 01:20:33,395
your partner is not giving you something

2229
01:20:33,935 --> 01:20:35,614
in a way that they're trying to do

2230
01:20:35,614 --> 01:20:37,854
something you like and it's not hitting for

2231
01:20:37,854 --> 01:20:38,675
you consistently,

2232
01:20:39,935 --> 01:20:42,255
have a conversation about it. You don't have

2233
01:20:42,255 --> 01:20:43,320
to be you don't have to be a

2234
01:20:43,320 --> 01:20:45,020
shit about it. Like, be

2235
01:20:45,320 --> 01:20:47,340
respectful and kind. Sure.

2236
01:20:47,880 --> 01:20:50,359
But you get to say, hey, you keep

2237
01:20:50,359 --> 01:20:52,680
saying it this way and it's it's something.

2238
01:20:52,680 --> 01:20:55,180
It's just, it's not doing it for me.

2239
01:20:55,320 --> 01:20:57,640
Can we can we try something different, you

2240
01:20:57,640 --> 01:20:58,140
know?

2241
01:20:58,755 --> 01:21:00,194
I would say if you're gonna bring up

2242
01:21:00,194 --> 01:21:02,114
that conversation, maybe do a little research or

2243
01:21:02,114 --> 01:21:03,954
there's some other phrases that might work for

2244
01:21:03,954 --> 01:21:05,635
you or there's some other context in which

2245
01:21:05,635 --> 01:21:06,994
you'd like to hear it that you're not

2246
01:21:06,994 --> 01:21:08,854
hearing it, whatever it is.

2247
01:21:09,314 --> 01:21:11,335
But I have a feeling that

2248
01:21:12,050 --> 01:21:14,130
if people are using that naturally and they're

2249
01:21:14,130 --> 01:21:15,590
not forcing the praise

2250
01:21:16,130 --> 01:21:18,770
every chance they think they're supposed to, I

2251
01:21:18,770 --> 01:21:20,530
don't think it does get old. I also

2252
01:21:20,530 --> 01:21:22,550
think that, you know, as long as

2253
01:21:23,409 --> 01:21:25,329
at least one of you is open to

2254
01:21:25,329 --> 01:21:27,494
learning new things and, you know,

2255
01:21:28,114 --> 01:21:31,154
whether that's reading or listening to podcasts or

2256
01:21:31,154 --> 01:21:33,314
watching videos and hearing how other people do

2257
01:21:33,314 --> 01:21:35,314
things, you take in ideas from the world

2258
01:21:35,314 --> 01:21:37,175
around you. This is like a little sponge.

2259
01:21:37,395 --> 01:21:39,635
And so over time, you come up with

2260
01:21:39,635 --> 01:21:41,590
different things because maybe you heard something or

2261
01:21:41,590 --> 01:21:43,189
you read something you went, oh, okay. I

2262
01:21:43,189 --> 01:21:45,210
kinda like that. I'll try that, you know.

2263
01:21:46,710 --> 01:21:49,829
But yeah. I'm I'm somebody who has a

2264
01:21:49,829 --> 01:21:51,210
deep praise kink.

2265
01:21:52,149 --> 01:21:54,170
I probably need to talk to a therapist

2266
01:21:54,229 --> 01:21:57,055
about the value I put on myself to

2267
01:21:57,055 --> 01:21:59,954
be a good girl. There's some stuff there.

2268
01:22:01,055 --> 01:22:02,675
I don't hear it every day,

2269
01:22:03,055 --> 01:22:04,895
and I'm there's no lack I don't feel

2270
01:22:04,895 --> 01:22:07,375
like I'm lacking anything. When I hear it,

2271
01:22:07,375 --> 01:22:08,850
it is meaningful. And And I think for

2272
01:22:08,850 --> 01:22:11,090
anybody who worries that they might say it

2273
01:22:11,090 --> 01:22:12,530
too much or they might not say it

2274
01:22:12,530 --> 01:22:13,670
enough, it

2275
01:22:16,210 --> 01:22:17,970
I don't know. How do you for you,

2276
01:22:17,970 --> 01:22:19,430
is it just a thing that

2277
01:22:20,654 --> 01:22:22,335
you don't have to think about? You just

2278
01:22:22,335 --> 01:22:24,014
say? Or is it a thing you kind

2279
01:22:24,014 --> 01:22:26,014
of have to No. It's it's a thing

2280
01:22:26,014 --> 01:22:28,274
I think about. Okay. Okay?

2281
01:22:30,014 --> 01:22:32,434
Because I don't wanna overuse it.

2282
01:22:34,479 --> 01:22:35,220
For example,

2283
01:22:36,000 --> 01:22:37,539
here's here's an example. Mhmm.

2284
01:22:38,720 --> 01:22:41,300
I wash the laundry. Mhmm. K?

2285
01:22:44,239 --> 01:22:46,420
And from whatever day I wash the laundry,

2286
01:22:47,119 --> 01:22:47,860
you have

2287
01:22:48,664 --> 01:22:50,305
till the middle of the week Mhmm.

2288
01:22:50,744 --> 01:22:52,525
To put it away and fold it. Mhmm.

2289
01:22:52,585 --> 01:22:53,085
K?

2290
01:22:54,104 --> 01:22:55,725
If you wait till

2291
01:22:57,385 --> 01:23:00,025
Wednesday at 04:55? Right. Because the deadline's Wednesday

2292
01:23:00,025 --> 01:23:00,685
at five.

2293
01:23:01,704 --> 01:23:03,465
You did it. You came in under the

2294
01:23:03,465 --> 01:23:05,420
wire. You ain't getting a fucking good girl.

2295
01:23:05,420 --> 01:23:06,859
And that you know? And here's the thing.

2296
01:23:06,859 --> 01:23:08,300
If that because for a while, that was

2297
01:23:08,300 --> 01:23:09,979
my thing, and no. I did not. But

2298
01:23:09,979 --> 01:23:12,060
you once watched me have a hellacious week,

2299
01:23:12,060 --> 01:23:14,460
and I still managed somehow to get it

2300
01:23:14,460 --> 01:23:15,979
done under the wire. And I did get

2301
01:23:15,979 --> 01:23:18,965
a good girl because context circumstance. Right. Right.

2302
01:23:18,965 --> 01:23:20,744
Exactly. Now But yeah. Now, again,

2303
01:23:23,125 --> 01:23:24,645
if you fold the clothes and put it

2304
01:23:24,645 --> 01:23:26,824
away on the same day I wash,

2305
01:23:27,925 --> 01:23:30,100
yeah, that's a good girl. If you notice

2306
01:23:30,180 --> 01:23:32,119
and see, that's that's the thing about

2307
01:23:32,979 --> 01:23:34,819
that kind of the the praise and and

2308
01:23:34,819 --> 01:23:36,579
why it's being said and when it's being

2309
01:23:36,579 --> 01:23:37,560
said. Because

2310
01:23:38,340 --> 01:23:40,340
we're all human and we're not always a

2311
01:23:40,340 --> 01:23:43,380
100% observant. Your dom is not gonna be

2312
01:23:43,380 --> 01:23:44,774
observant a 100%

2313
01:23:45,574 --> 01:23:47,094
the time. Maybe in the beginning when it's

2314
01:23:47,094 --> 01:23:49,654
new relationship energy, but, like, conventionally, you kinda

2315
01:23:49,654 --> 01:23:51,594
calm the fuck down and people are people.

2316
01:23:51,654 --> 01:23:52,954
Right? And so

2317
01:23:53,734 --> 01:23:55,814
there was a long time. I didn't like

2318
01:23:55,814 --> 01:23:57,494
JB to know when I was folding laundry,

2319
01:23:57,494 --> 01:23:59,335
whether I was ahead of my deadline or

2320
01:23:59,335 --> 01:24:01,800
I was I just don't perceive me.

2321
01:24:02,340 --> 01:24:04,659
And then I finally got into the habit

2322
01:24:04,659 --> 01:24:07,060
where I was doing it earlier. And then

2323
01:24:07,060 --> 01:24:07,640
I was

2324
01:24:08,100 --> 01:24:10,100
I am like a little kid. I would

2325
01:24:10,100 --> 01:24:12,979
be like, daddy, did you notice anything? And

2326
01:24:12,979 --> 01:24:15,479
poor man, he's looking around like, oh, god.

2327
01:24:15,715 --> 01:24:17,074
It's not her hair. I didn't know she

2328
01:24:17,074 --> 01:24:17,735
didn't know.

2329
01:24:18,195 --> 01:24:20,275
What has changed? Right? And that's that's not

2330
01:24:20,275 --> 01:24:22,675
really fair, but it we're it's playful between

2331
01:24:22,675 --> 01:24:23,175
us.

2332
01:24:23,875 --> 01:24:25,954
And I I would point out. And so

2333
01:24:25,954 --> 01:24:27,715
once I started pointing out, then he started

2334
01:24:27,715 --> 01:24:30,034
looking. Now it it it's a point now

2335
01:24:30,034 --> 01:24:31,639
that I know enough to look and see

2336
01:24:31,639 --> 01:24:33,560
if the laundry basket is back where it

2337
01:24:33,560 --> 01:24:35,239
says And yeah. And and when I say

2338
01:24:35,239 --> 01:24:36,939
this, I'm not saying this as a criticism.

2339
01:24:37,000 --> 01:24:38,840
I'm fine with this because I think this

2340
01:24:38,840 --> 01:24:39,420
is how

2341
01:24:40,520 --> 01:24:43,800
a long term dynamic can use similar praise

2342
01:24:43,800 --> 01:24:45,500
over the years and it still be effective.

2343
01:24:46,684 --> 01:24:47,744
The past few weeks,

2344
01:24:48,045 --> 01:24:49,024
Saturday or Sunday,

2345
01:24:49,885 --> 01:24:52,524
excuse me, I've gotten that laundry done. He

2346
01:24:52,524 --> 01:24:54,704
has not said good girl every single time.

2347
01:24:55,005 --> 01:24:56,764
I have not pointed it out every single

2348
01:24:56,764 --> 01:24:59,904
time. I don't care. I don't mind because

2349
01:25:00,329 --> 01:25:01,069
I understand

2350
01:25:01,689 --> 01:25:02,909
if he says it

2351
01:25:03,609 --> 01:25:06,969
every time the same way, the eventually, it

2352
01:25:06,969 --> 01:25:09,210
will lose its meaning. Right? And I and

2353
01:25:09,210 --> 01:25:10,729
what when I say it'll lose its meaning,

2354
01:25:10,729 --> 01:25:12,744
I won't even clock that it's happening. Right.

2355
01:25:12,744 --> 01:25:15,984
I'll be like, uh-huh. Okay. And that's that

2356
01:25:15,984 --> 01:25:17,984
happens. Nothing it's not the worst thing in

2357
01:25:17,984 --> 01:25:20,224
the world if you get like that, but

2358
01:25:20,224 --> 01:25:22,005
that does mean that it's not

2359
01:25:22,545 --> 01:25:23,045
necessarily

2360
01:25:23,585 --> 01:25:24,085
meaningful.

2361
01:25:24,960 --> 01:25:27,680
Now there's a opposite ish problem. If it

2362
01:25:27,680 --> 01:25:31,220
goes too long without being said, you're either

2363
01:25:31,439 --> 01:25:34,340
gonna miss it or you're not gonna realize

2364
01:25:34,479 --> 01:25:36,659
you've been missing it until something

2365
01:25:37,275 --> 01:25:39,195
happens. Maybe you finally get a good girl

2366
01:25:39,195 --> 01:25:41,515
or you hear somebody else get one. You're

2367
01:25:41,515 --> 01:25:42,795
like, oh, shit. I haven't been told that.

2368
01:25:42,795 --> 01:25:43,835
I haven't heard heard of that in a

2369
01:25:43,835 --> 01:25:46,635
hot minute. Years. Right. Right. So I think

2370
01:25:46,635 --> 01:25:49,354
for many people, maybe even most, there's kind

2371
01:25:49,354 --> 01:25:50,655
of a natural flow

2372
01:25:51,569 --> 01:25:52,869
with that kind of stuff,

2373
01:25:53,729 --> 01:25:55,329
that yeah. There will be times it's not

2374
01:25:55,329 --> 01:25:57,250
the praise or the the sexy words or

2375
01:25:57,250 --> 01:25:59,489
the whatever aren't said very often. And so

2376
01:25:59,489 --> 01:26:01,109
then when they are said again, you're like,

2377
01:26:01,170 --> 01:26:01,909
hot damn.

2378
01:26:02,609 --> 01:26:04,210
And then there will be times where it's

2379
01:26:04,210 --> 01:26:04,710
inconsistent.

2380
01:26:05,250 --> 01:26:06,149
And I think

2381
01:26:06,609 --> 01:26:07,005
to

2382
01:26:07,804 --> 01:26:08,304
after

2383
01:26:09,164 --> 01:26:10,364
I think it depends on who you are

2384
01:26:10,364 --> 01:26:11,645
and how much you need to hear those

2385
01:26:11,645 --> 01:26:12,145
things.

2386
01:26:12,844 --> 01:26:15,404
We're at a point where I'm fine with

2387
01:26:15,404 --> 01:26:17,185
it being inconsistent because

2388
01:26:17,725 --> 01:26:19,984
for me that means when it does happen,

2389
01:26:20,939 --> 01:26:23,260
I notice it. I know he always thinks

2390
01:26:23,420 --> 01:26:26,219
I think that's the other thing too. The

2391
01:26:26,219 --> 01:26:27,979
the praise or the sexy thing. I know

2392
01:26:27,979 --> 01:26:29,819
he's thinking it because we've been together long

2393
01:26:29,819 --> 01:26:30,640
enough. I know

2394
01:26:31,020 --> 01:26:32,380
if I don't hear it, I don't feel

2395
01:26:32,380 --> 01:26:33,899
like I'm missing anything. I don't I don't

2396
01:26:33,899 --> 01:26:35,420
take it as a, oh, he doesn't think

2397
01:26:35,420 --> 01:26:37,465
I'm a good girl or, uh-oh, he doesn't

2398
01:26:37,465 --> 01:26:39,784
wanna growl that sexy thing in my ear.

2399
01:26:39,784 --> 01:26:41,944
You know? I don't take it that way

2400
01:26:41,944 --> 01:26:44,045
because his actions and everything else

2401
01:26:44,824 --> 01:26:47,225
expresses that. So I think if you have

2402
01:26:47,225 --> 01:26:49,564
that as well, some form of that,

2403
01:26:50,310 --> 01:26:51,050
it does

2404
01:26:51,630 --> 01:26:52,969
it it'll it's

2405
01:26:54,310 --> 01:26:56,389
fine. But, yeah, the real the real concern

2406
01:26:56,389 --> 01:26:57,989
is if you were just saying the same

2407
01:26:57,989 --> 01:27:00,069
thing over and over again all day, every

2408
01:27:00,069 --> 01:27:02,149
day, yes, it loses its meaning. But I

2409
01:27:02,149 --> 01:27:03,369
think the the,

2410
01:27:05,025 --> 01:27:06,945
what are the words I want? The flow

2411
01:27:06,945 --> 01:27:08,945
of life, because there's ups and downs. There's

2412
01:27:08,945 --> 01:27:10,305
times that your head is not even on

2413
01:27:10,305 --> 01:27:11,985
your fucking power exchange no matter how hard

2414
01:27:11,985 --> 01:27:13,905
you're trying to have it be. And life

2415
01:27:13,905 --> 01:27:15,104
is coming at you and all this other

2416
01:27:15,104 --> 01:27:16,560
stuff. You're not even thinking about that shit

2417
01:27:16,560 --> 01:27:18,800
because you're not getting do that shit. Which

2418
01:27:18,800 --> 01:27:20,560
means that when you're back to saying it

2419
01:27:20,560 --> 01:27:23,380
again, you're like, oh, this means good things.

2420
01:27:23,479 --> 01:27:26,579
This means fuckery. This means whatever it means.

2421
01:27:26,640 --> 01:27:29,280
Mhmm. And, you know, since life sort of

2422
01:27:29,280 --> 01:27:30,500
flows that way, I think

2423
01:27:31,335 --> 01:27:31,734
some of that

2424
01:27:32,534 --> 01:27:34,234
I think it is

2425
01:27:34,614 --> 01:27:35,114
not

2426
01:27:36,055 --> 01:27:37,994
I think it's an issue that an overthinker,

2427
01:27:38,055 --> 01:27:40,314
and that's not a criticism, I'm an overthinker,

2428
01:27:40,454 --> 01:27:42,295
would be thinking about. The what if, the

2429
01:27:42,295 --> 01:27:44,295
oh my god. This is I think in

2430
01:27:44,295 --> 01:27:46,795
the natural course of just living your life,

2431
01:27:47,630 --> 01:27:49,729
most of the time, it's not really an

2432
01:27:51,470 --> 01:27:53,090
issue. That's what I would say.

2433
01:27:54,350 --> 01:27:56,609
But I've said so much today Yeah.

2434
01:27:58,350 --> 01:28:01,176
In, kind of a hot sticky room Yeah.

2435
01:28:01,470 --> 01:28:04,129
Where the fan is not it's doing something,

2436
01:28:04,129 --> 01:28:06,204
but not enough. Not not enough. Not enough.

2437
01:28:06,664 --> 01:28:09,324
No. That was my last one. Okay.

2438
01:28:10,185 --> 01:28:11,725
We can do a bonus section.

2439
01:28:12,104 --> 01:28:12,604
Alright.

2440
01:28:14,449 --> 01:28:15,350
So yeah.

2441
01:28:16,770 --> 01:28:17,270
You

2442
01:28:18,689 --> 01:28:19,590
got this

2443
01:28:20,210 --> 01:28:22,449
the setup is so new and weird and

2444
01:28:22,449 --> 01:28:22,949
different.

2445
01:28:23,890 --> 01:28:24,390
So,

2446
01:28:25,329 --> 01:28:26,229
are we good?

2447
01:28:27,090 --> 01:28:29,030
I have no fucking clue.

2448
01:28:30,105 --> 01:28:30,605
Don't

2449
01:28:31,065 --> 01:28:31,565
know.

2450
01:28:32,824 --> 01:28:34,905
Keep it kinky, y'all. And we'll see you

2451
01:28:34,905 --> 01:28:36,664
next week as long as YouTube doesn't put

2452
01:28:36,664 --> 01:28:38,204
us in the fucking corner again.

2453
01:28:49,529 --> 01:28:50,029
Daughter.

2454
01:28:50,329 --> 01:28:52,569
Yes. Can we talk to the crickets? Sure.

2455
01:28:52,569 --> 01:28:54,189
Okay. Go right ahead.

2456
01:28:54,649 --> 01:28:56,329
I did a lot of talking. You did.

2457
01:28:56,329 --> 01:28:57,310
My throat hurts.

2458
01:29:01,130 --> 01:29:03,345
Oh, and, silent in the live chat said

2459
01:29:03,345 --> 01:29:04,005
the accountability.

2460
01:29:04,385 --> 01:29:06,305
Mhmm. How to hold your dominant accountable was

2461
01:29:06,305 --> 01:29:07,765
episode 57.

2462
01:29:07,984 --> 01:29:10,944
That's a long time ago. That's a long

2463
01:29:10,944 --> 01:29:12,784
time ago. I'm gonna go grab my water.

2464
01:29:12,784 --> 01:29:13,765
I'm gonna park.

2465
01:29:14,319 --> 01:29:15,920
You didn't oh, no. You didn't have it.

2466
01:29:15,920 --> 01:29:17,359
I forgot. Oh, look at you. You got

2467
01:29:17,359 --> 01:29:18,979
up and you didn't bang your own mic.

2468
01:29:20,319 --> 01:29:21,920
Now the pressure's on. Yeah. I know. Now

2469
01:29:21,920 --> 01:29:23,520
I gotta sit back down. Yep. You gotta

2470
01:29:23,520 --> 01:29:24,340
sit back down.

2471
01:29:24,640 --> 01:29:25,699
Can you do it?

2472
01:29:26,715 --> 01:29:28,574
Dun dun dun. I have faith in you.

2473
01:29:34,635 --> 01:29:35,694
Oh, podcast listeners,

2474
01:29:36,795 --> 01:29:38,175
you can't see it, but

2475
01:29:38,909 --> 01:29:40,529
JB silly JB.

2476
01:29:41,710 --> 01:29:43,469
I don't know if that if you shrank

2477
01:29:43,469 --> 01:29:46,270
in fear. I don't know. I don't know

2478
01:29:46,270 --> 01:29:47,550
what that was. I don't know if that

2479
01:29:47,550 --> 01:29:49,390
was a little, like, excitement that look. I

2480
01:29:49,390 --> 01:29:51,229
didn't I don't know what that was, but

2481
01:29:51,229 --> 01:29:53,069
that was something. It was something. That was

2482
01:29:53,069 --> 01:29:54,975
something. I don't even know what it was,

2483
01:29:54,975 --> 01:29:55,875
but, you know,

2484
01:29:56,255 --> 01:29:57,775
I didn't hit the mic. That's all I

2485
01:29:57,775 --> 01:29:58,275
know.

2486
01:30:00,095 --> 01:30:01,475
I'm very proud of you.

2487
01:30:02,095 --> 01:30:04,015
Silent in the live chat says, episode two

2488
01:30:04,015 --> 01:30:05,775
zero five was how to hold each other

2489
01:30:05,775 --> 01:30:06,275
accountable.

2490
01:30:07,100 --> 01:30:09,260
It is possible and she says, but that's

2491
01:30:09,260 --> 01:30:11,180
entirely the same thing. It is possible. I'd

2492
01:30:11,180 --> 01:30:12,479
have to go back to that episode.

2493
01:30:12,780 --> 01:30:15,500
We talked about accountability for a submissive, which

2494
01:30:15,500 --> 01:30:17,340
can be consequences, but doesn't have to be

2495
01:30:17,340 --> 01:30:19,420
versus accountability for a dominant. So we might

2496
01:30:19,579 --> 01:30:20,319
that's still

2497
01:30:20,699 --> 01:30:23,015
episode two zero five, we are on episode

2498
01:30:23,154 --> 01:30:26,694
four. Hold on. I know this. Four seventy

2499
01:30:26,755 --> 01:30:29,635
eight. Yeah. Four seventy eight. So episode two

2500
01:30:29,635 --> 01:30:32,454
zero five was still several years ago.

2501
01:30:32,914 --> 01:30:33,414
Account.

2502
01:30:34,850 --> 01:30:37,409
On one level, accountability to me is very

2503
01:30:37,409 --> 01:30:39,649
simple in my head for how I see

2504
01:30:39,649 --> 01:30:40,149
it,

2505
01:30:42,449 --> 01:30:44,449
but it also feels like a very squishy

2506
01:30:44,449 --> 01:30:45,590
topic. Mhmm.

2507
01:30:46,130 --> 01:30:47,030
So I don't know.

2508
01:30:49,425 --> 01:30:49,925
Yeah.

2509
01:30:50,385 --> 01:30:52,385
Now that you've had an episode to be

2510
01:30:52,385 --> 01:30:54,645
in this new setup Uh-huh.

2511
01:30:56,625 --> 01:30:58,864
Are there are you noticing things you would

2512
01:30:58,864 --> 01:31:01,585
adjust, or are we thinking this for the

2513
01:31:01,585 --> 01:31:03,284
most part, other than needing new mics,

2514
01:31:03,744 --> 01:31:05,045
this is going well?

2515
01:31:05,880 --> 01:31:07,640
I think it's gonna be okay. Yeah. It

2516
01:31:07,640 --> 01:31:09,479
it needs some tweaking along the way. But

2517
01:31:09,720 --> 01:31:11,739
Mhmm. And we're we're clearly not comfortable

2518
01:31:12,600 --> 01:31:13,100
with,

2519
01:31:14,039 --> 01:31:14,539
like

2520
01:31:15,239 --> 01:31:17,640
it's not our normal way, and we have

2521
01:31:17,640 --> 01:31:19,820
to, like, create the normal way.

2522
01:31:20,244 --> 01:31:22,104
We have to get used to it. Well,

2523
01:31:22,244 --> 01:31:24,244
there's that. There is getting used to it,

2524
01:31:24,244 --> 01:31:26,265
but there's also figuring out what

2525
01:31:26,645 --> 01:31:28,405
will work. Right. And this is the first

2526
01:31:28,405 --> 01:31:30,005
time, so we haven't figured out what will

2527
01:31:30,005 --> 01:31:31,525
work. So we'll do things different for a

2528
01:31:31,525 --> 01:31:32,025
while.

2529
01:31:32,420 --> 01:31:34,340
And the part of my brain that just

2530
01:31:34,340 --> 01:31:36,100
wants to know what's supposed to happen next

2531
01:31:36,100 --> 01:31:37,720
will not love that.

2532
01:31:38,100 --> 01:31:40,340
I understand the process. I know why it

2533
01:31:40,340 --> 01:31:42,760
has to happen, but I won't love that.

2534
01:31:43,220 --> 01:31:44,359
I won't love that.

2535
01:31:48,805 --> 01:31:50,664
Silent says I'm noticing things.

2536
01:31:55,524 --> 01:31:57,145
Let me know what those things are.

2537
01:31:58,005 --> 01:31:59,765
What have I got for the nope. Not

2538
01:31:59,765 --> 01:32:00,744
the bar. The bonus

2539
01:32:01,550 --> 01:32:04,670
section. Lowell's good. Mhmm. Lowell's doing good. Ella's

2540
01:32:04,670 --> 01:32:05,170
good.

2541
01:32:06,109 --> 01:32:07,250
Onyx is good.

2542
01:32:07,630 --> 01:32:08,130
Mhmm.

2543
01:32:09,310 --> 01:32:10,989
Oh, we we did have a little bit

2544
01:32:10,989 --> 01:32:13,729
of neighborhood cat drama. Oh, yeah.

2545
01:32:14,854 --> 01:32:15,354
Yeah.

2546
01:32:15,975 --> 01:32:17,435
Would you like to tell the story?

2547
01:32:19,494 --> 01:32:19,994
So

2548
01:32:20,854 --> 01:32:22,715
our our neighbors, they moved.

2549
01:32:23,094 --> 01:32:24,234
Mhmm. And

2550
01:32:28,720 --> 01:32:30,800
their cat, they wanna One of their cats.

2551
01:32:30,800 --> 01:32:32,180
One of their cats. Yeah.

2552
01:32:33,280 --> 01:32:33,780
And

2553
01:32:39,439 --> 01:32:41,060
well, I'm not getting long. Anyway

2554
01:32:42,034 --> 01:32:44,755
They moved. They moved, and before they moved,

2555
01:32:44,755 --> 01:32:46,435
they were not able to get this cat.

2556
01:32:46,435 --> 01:32:47,494
This cat's an outside

2557
01:32:47,954 --> 01:32:48,935
cat. Yeah.

2558
01:32:49,715 --> 01:32:50,215
And,

2559
01:32:53,074 --> 01:32:55,335
so what it looks like is possibly

2560
01:32:56,210 --> 01:32:58,050
going to well, what was said at first

2561
01:32:58,050 --> 01:32:58,550
was,

2562
01:32:59,010 --> 01:32:59,750
you know,

2563
01:33:00,289 --> 01:33:02,449
somebody needs to put food out, you know,

2564
01:33:02,449 --> 01:33:03,270
feed the cat.

2565
01:33:03,570 --> 01:33:05,170
Because they have the people have moved. The

2566
01:33:05,170 --> 01:33:06,850
neighbors have moved. The cat is still in

2567
01:33:06,850 --> 01:33:08,470
the neighborhood. Right. Right. Right.

2568
01:33:09,034 --> 01:33:10,094
So between

2569
01:33:10,635 --> 01:33:14,074
me and bestie neighbor, we've been managing that,

2570
01:33:14,074 --> 01:33:14,574
and

2571
01:33:15,114 --> 01:33:16,954
she was telling me that the real estate

2572
01:33:16,954 --> 01:33:17,454
agent

2573
01:33:18,074 --> 01:33:19,534
was going to set a trap

2574
01:33:20,234 --> 01:33:21,215
for the cat

2575
01:33:22,074 --> 01:33:23,375
and then, you know,

2576
01:33:24,090 --> 01:33:26,489
send it where it needs to be. That's

2577
01:33:26,489 --> 01:33:28,090
been my question this whole time. Was it

2578
01:33:28,090 --> 01:33:30,649
going Yeah. Up north with the neighbors? No.

2579
01:33:30,649 --> 01:33:32,769
Yes. Okay. Yeah. It's very confusing. Yeah. That

2580
01:33:32,889 --> 01:33:34,270
that's what I was understanding.

2581
01:33:35,050 --> 01:33:36,109
Then this morning,

2582
01:33:36,784 --> 01:33:39,265
I got a text that, no, the cat

2583
01:33:39,265 --> 01:33:42,145
has been adopted by somebody here, and they're

2584
01:33:42,145 --> 01:33:44,625
gonna take care of it. And then twenty

2585
01:33:44,625 --> 01:33:46,784
minutes later, I got a message, oh, nope.

2586
01:33:46,784 --> 01:33:47,604
Wrong cat.

2587
01:33:48,770 --> 01:33:50,689
And see the person who was adopting if

2588
01:33:50,689 --> 01:33:52,210
I under if this is the same thing

2589
01:33:52,210 --> 01:33:53,569
you were telling me, the person who was,

2590
01:33:53,569 --> 01:33:56,149
air quote, adopting the cat, wrong cat Mhmm.

2591
01:33:56,449 --> 01:33:56,949
They

2592
01:33:57,649 --> 01:34:01,170
do they trap and neuter slash fix or

2593
01:34:01,170 --> 01:34:03,649
whatever, release the strays in the neighborhood so

2594
01:34:03,649 --> 01:34:04,905
that we can have fewer strays. Strays. But

2595
01:34:04,905 --> 01:34:06,685
they feed those strays as well.

2596
01:34:07,145 --> 01:34:09,784
So the understanding that we have, I guess,

2597
01:34:09,784 --> 01:34:10,284
until

2598
01:34:10,664 --> 01:34:12,585
oops. No. Not that one. Was they were

2599
01:34:12,585 --> 01:34:15,145
just gonna lump them in with their strays

2600
01:34:15,145 --> 01:34:17,324
and take care of them, get them neutered,

2601
01:34:17,864 --> 01:34:19,479
feed them, let them live on the street

2602
01:34:19,479 --> 01:34:21,159
with the other strays that live on the

2603
01:34:21,159 --> 01:34:22,840
street. I was and all I can We

2604
01:34:22,840 --> 01:34:24,439
have so many cats in this neighborhood. We

2605
01:34:24,439 --> 01:34:27,159
do. So many cats. Lots of orange cats.

2606
01:34:27,159 --> 01:34:30,280
Yes. Somebody didn't get fixed fast enough. That's

2607
01:34:30,280 --> 01:34:31,880
all I'm saying because there are a lot

2608
01:34:31,880 --> 01:34:32,859
of orange cats

2609
01:34:33,725 --> 01:34:36,364
in this neighborhood. Mhmm. Some are very sweet

2610
01:34:36,364 --> 01:34:38,225
and friendly, and some are not.

2611
01:34:40,524 --> 01:34:42,444
So I guess that's not happening. It was

2612
01:34:42,444 --> 01:34:44,685
a different cat. So we still are under

2613
01:34:44,685 --> 01:34:47,324
watch for the cat. Cat. That was, like

2614
01:34:47,484 --> 01:34:48,869
so here's the thing. It was an outdoor

2615
01:34:48,869 --> 01:34:50,310
cat, but it was an outdoor cat that

2616
01:34:50,310 --> 01:34:52,710
would go home from time to time Mhmm.

2617
01:34:52,869 --> 01:34:54,250
And would come inside.

2618
01:34:54,869 --> 01:34:55,529
But, apparently,

2619
01:34:55,909 --> 01:34:58,310
we learned after the fact that the reason

2620
01:34:58,310 --> 01:35:00,310
they were letting it outside was because it

2621
01:35:00,310 --> 01:35:02,595
was spraying all over the inside of the

2622
01:35:02,595 --> 01:35:04,595
house that they've moved out of. Cat's a

2623
01:35:04,595 --> 01:35:06,055
male, but had never been

2624
01:35:06,755 --> 01:35:09,314
fixed. And Big boy too. Yeah. Big old

2625
01:35:09,314 --> 01:35:12,835
cat. Mhmm. Big old tabby. So And, yeah.

2626
01:35:12,835 --> 01:35:13,574
So they

2627
01:35:14,435 --> 01:35:16,109
they have all that to deal with too.

2628
01:35:16,909 --> 01:35:19,069
So, yeah, I guess we're still on a

2629
01:35:19,069 --> 01:35:20,449
little bit of feeding duty.

2630
01:35:20,909 --> 01:35:23,710
Mhmm. And I guess the agent is gonna

2631
01:35:23,710 --> 01:35:26,050
try and come so. To try out? I

2632
01:35:26,909 --> 01:35:27,649
I guess.

2633
01:35:28,590 --> 01:35:29,329
I hope.

2634
01:35:30,935 --> 01:35:32,935
I don't know. I'm not gonna go into

2635
01:35:32,935 --> 01:35:35,095
detail about the next door neighbor's stuff, but

2636
01:35:35,095 --> 01:35:37,015
they were going through some stuff. Yeah. So

2637
01:35:37,015 --> 01:35:38,854
I kind of understand it, but I kind

2638
01:35:38,854 --> 01:35:41,655
of they were supposed to have family in

2639
01:35:41,655 --> 01:35:43,460
town who's been helping them.

2640
01:35:44,159 --> 01:35:46,640
So I don't really hold the person who

2641
01:35:46,640 --> 01:35:48,399
lived there, the people who lived there because

2642
01:35:48,399 --> 01:35:49,380
of their situation,

2643
01:35:49,840 --> 01:35:50,899
like, responsible.

2644
01:35:51,680 --> 01:35:53,779
They there were some precarious things.

2645
01:35:54,239 --> 01:35:56,079
The family that was supposed to have been

2646
01:35:56,079 --> 01:35:58,454
helping them, supposedly, to me, they're the ones

2647
01:35:58,454 --> 01:36:00,475
who have done fucked up. Because

2648
01:36:01,175 --> 01:36:03,514
what do you mean you didn't, you know

2649
01:36:05,335 --> 01:36:07,494
Well take the cat or pay attention to

2650
01:36:07,494 --> 01:36:09,175
the cat? I I will I will I

2651
01:36:09,175 --> 01:36:10,154
will say this.

2652
01:36:10,454 --> 01:36:10,954
Okay?

2653
01:36:12,030 --> 01:36:14,770
In in many in in in some cases,

2654
01:36:16,670 --> 01:36:17,890
you know, cats,

2655
01:36:18,510 --> 01:36:20,210
when they see a lot of activity,

2656
01:36:20,590 --> 01:36:22,050
you know, the the

2657
01:36:22,750 --> 01:36:24,989
the pod was brought in, furniture is being

2658
01:36:24,989 --> 01:36:26,744
moved, people are in and out. I know.

2659
01:36:26,744 --> 01:36:29,804
And I That in itself can stress.

2660
01:36:30,264 --> 01:36:32,425
I know. I know. I'm and I but

2661
01:36:32,425 --> 01:36:33,965
I'm also thinking of

2662
01:36:34,425 --> 01:36:36,185
the family that had been living here and

2663
01:36:36,185 --> 01:36:38,520
coming by every so often and helping out.

2664
01:36:38,760 --> 01:36:40,680
And Yeah. They just left a cat that

2665
01:36:40,680 --> 01:36:42,600
was spraying all over this house and did

2666
01:36:42,600 --> 01:36:44,539
not try to find some solutions.

2667
01:36:47,720 --> 01:36:50,039
What we will not be doing is telling

2668
01:36:50,039 --> 01:36:52,185
our previous neighbor who used to own that

2669
01:36:52,185 --> 01:36:54,744
house Yeah. The state that her old house

2670
01:36:54,744 --> 01:36:56,045
is in my town. I know.

2671
01:36:56,505 --> 01:36:57,164
Oh, no.

2672
01:36:57,465 --> 01:36:59,704
Well, we see her every so often, and,

2673
01:36:59,704 --> 01:37:01,965
oh, nope. We won't talk about that. Mm-mm.

2674
01:37:02,104 --> 01:37:04,345
No. The the people who live there, their

2675
01:37:04,345 --> 01:37:06,720
situation, it was a sad situation. There's, like,

2676
01:37:06,800 --> 01:37:08,960
lots of bad stuff going on for them.

2677
01:37:08,960 --> 01:37:09,460
Mhmm.

2678
01:37:10,159 --> 01:37:12,880
So I'm I don't judge them for anything

2679
01:37:12,880 --> 01:37:13,619
at all.

2680
01:37:13,920 --> 01:37:14,579
I'm just

2681
01:37:14,880 --> 01:37:16,820
thinking about the family members who apparently

2682
01:37:17,199 --> 01:37:19,039
part of the reason they moved into this

2683
01:37:19,039 --> 01:37:21,175
house where they did was so their family

2684
01:37:21,175 --> 01:37:23,414
would help them, and then their family was

2685
01:37:23,414 --> 01:37:25,914
not helping them. No. No. No. No. They

2686
01:37:27,735 --> 01:37:28,555
they lived

2687
01:37:30,935 --> 01:37:33,800
way out in the forest. Right. They came

2688
01:37:33,800 --> 01:37:35,819
in because came in She was because

2689
01:37:36,199 --> 01:37:38,840
both of them Right. Her and her husband

2690
01:37:38,840 --> 01:37:40,279
had poor health, and they wanted to be

2691
01:37:40,279 --> 01:37:41,899
closer to doctors. Right.

2692
01:37:43,239 --> 01:37:44,779
The one relative that

2693
01:37:45,559 --> 01:37:47,500
was the one that came to help him,

2694
01:37:48,564 --> 01:37:50,405
they didn't want the help from that.

2695
01:37:50,885 --> 01:37:53,784
But that was the only Person. Person who

2696
01:37:54,244 --> 01:37:56,725
Could help. Could help. Or would help. Would

2697
01:37:56,725 --> 01:37:59,765
help or whatever. Yeah. Right. So And yet

2698
01:37:59,765 --> 01:38:02,070
and yet, once it started being the pack

2699
01:38:02,070 --> 01:38:03,989
up thing, I I know the one vehicle

2700
01:38:03,989 --> 01:38:05,189
that came down that was driving them up

2701
01:38:05,189 --> 01:38:06,789
to where they're I got that. There were

2702
01:38:06,789 --> 01:38:09,350
a lot more vehicles that finally started showing

2703
01:38:09,350 --> 01:38:10,789
up Right. Right as they were about to

2704
01:38:10,789 --> 01:38:11,930
leave. That one vehicle,

2705
01:38:14,149 --> 01:38:15,050
excuse me,

2706
01:38:15,755 --> 01:38:17,515
was never was not there for any of

2707
01:38:17,515 --> 01:38:19,515
that. Notice that too. I did notice that

2708
01:38:19,515 --> 01:38:21,835
too. Yeah. Those those people were not there

2709
01:38:21,835 --> 01:38:22,895
for any of that.

2710
01:38:25,435 --> 01:38:27,595
Mm-mm. Yeah. It was it's a tough situation.

2711
01:38:27,595 --> 01:38:28,895
It is. It is.

2712
01:38:30,439 --> 01:38:33,320
But yeah. So now we apparently potentially just

2713
01:38:33,320 --> 01:38:34,939
have a new stray in the Mhmm.

2714
01:38:35,479 --> 01:38:37,579
So We have so many strays.

2715
01:38:38,520 --> 01:38:38,920
I

2716
01:38:39,320 --> 01:38:39,820
And,

2717
01:38:40,840 --> 01:38:42,360
you know, there were there were a few

2718
01:38:42,360 --> 01:38:44,060
cats. When we first moved here,

2719
01:38:44,375 --> 01:38:45,914
there were a few cats.

2720
01:38:46,694 --> 01:38:47,494
Now it's like

2721
01:38:48,774 --> 01:38:50,935
We it's gone in cycles since we've moved

2722
01:38:50,935 --> 01:38:52,935
here because there were a few and then

2723
01:38:52,935 --> 01:38:53,435
it

2724
01:38:53,814 --> 01:38:54,314
exploded.

2725
01:38:54,774 --> 01:38:57,335
Mhmm. And then it dropped back down. Right.

2726
01:38:57,335 --> 01:38:59,560
Currently, when I'm going on my morning walks,

2727
01:38:59,560 --> 01:39:00,680
it used to be I saw four or

2728
01:39:00,680 --> 01:39:03,079
five cats every day. Mhmm. Their days, I

2729
01:39:03,079 --> 01:39:05,020
don't see a single cat up there. Yeah.

2730
01:39:05,320 --> 01:39:07,079
So I don't know if they're Wow.

2731
01:39:07,560 --> 01:39:09,479
Running off. I don't know if they're dying

2732
01:39:09,479 --> 01:39:11,175
off. I don't know if they've gone deeper

2733
01:39:11,175 --> 01:39:13,114
into the woods. A coy we've got coyotes.

2734
01:39:13,175 --> 01:39:15,255
Yeah. Who knows what's happening to us? I,

2735
01:39:17,335 --> 01:39:17,994
I thought

2736
01:39:19,095 --> 01:39:21,255
that was a a cat this morning. Remember

2737
01:39:21,255 --> 01:39:22,534
I said it was a mane? I thought

2738
01:39:22,534 --> 01:39:23,994
I saw a mane. Yeah. Yeah.

2739
01:39:24,640 --> 01:39:26,319
I'm wondering if it might have been a

2740
01:39:26,319 --> 01:39:26,819
fox.

2741
01:39:27,760 --> 01:39:30,079
Could've been. Yeah. Because there's tons of construction

2742
01:39:30,079 --> 01:39:31,840
going on around here and a lot of,

2743
01:39:31,840 --> 01:39:33,760
like Oh my god. Trees coming down. And

2744
01:39:33,760 --> 01:39:36,319
so the the wildlife that that that was

2745
01:39:36,319 --> 01:39:38,164
their home, and now they're trying to to

2746
01:39:40,225 --> 01:39:41,905
They they just come in here, and they

2747
01:39:41,905 --> 01:39:45,284
just dose everything down. We're a we're

2748
01:39:45,664 --> 01:39:48,704
fortunate we're near a national forest, so that

2749
01:39:48,704 --> 01:39:50,625
part at least is not. Right. But anything

2750
01:39:50,625 --> 01:39:53,010
that is not national forest is fair game.

2751
01:39:53,250 --> 01:39:53,750
Yeah.

2752
01:39:54,210 --> 01:39:56,609
So yeah. Yeah. It's upset the the local

2753
01:39:56,609 --> 01:39:58,289
wildlife for sure. Oh, yeah. Because then people

2754
01:39:58,289 --> 01:39:59,729
are like, oh, no. There's coyotes. I'm like,

2755
01:39:59,729 --> 01:40:01,729
yeah. Because you took their fucking habitat from

2756
01:40:01,729 --> 01:40:03,090
them. And now they're trying to find a

2757
01:40:03,090 --> 01:40:05,429
place to go, and they're hungry. Yeah.

2758
01:40:06,369 --> 01:40:06,869
Yep.

2759
01:40:08,354 --> 01:40:10,774
So, yeah, our I heard on the radio,

2760
01:40:11,074 --> 01:40:11,895
and I'd seen,

2761
01:40:12,434 --> 01:40:15,474
something about this online. The specific city we

2762
01:40:15,474 --> 01:40:17,654
live in, percentage wise,

2763
01:40:18,994 --> 01:40:20,295
has had had

2764
01:40:21,840 --> 01:40:25,520
Last year was the fastest growing city in

2765
01:40:25,520 --> 01:40:26,340
The US.

2766
01:40:26,720 --> 01:40:27,380
I know.

2767
01:40:30,320 --> 01:40:32,000
But, you know, in sheer numbers, because it

2768
01:40:32,000 --> 01:40:33,600
is a small area, it's not like millions

2769
01:40:33,600 --> 01:40:35,359
of people. We had 15,000

2770
01:40:35,359 --> 01:40:36,579
people move in,

2771
01:40:37,024 --> 01:40:39,204
but percentage wise, it was the top.

2772
01:40:39,704 --> 01:40:40,204
Yeah.

2773
01:40:40,704 --> 01:40:42,545
So, yeah, in other cities, they had 50,000.

2774
01:40:42,545 --> 01:40:43,824
They had a 100,000, but they were already

2775
01:40:43,824 --> 01:40:45,984
real big. Right. But 15,000

2776
01:40:45,984 --> 01:40:46,885
to our area,

2777
01:40:48,800 --> 01:40:49,619
traffic has

2778
01:40:49,920 --> 01:40:52,420
gotten really bad. It's really noticeable.

2779
01:40:52,880 --> 01:40:55,300
Oh, yeah. And we've got more car washes

2780
01:40:55,360 --> 01:40:56,180
and storage,

2781
01:40:56,960 --> 01:40:59,520
unit companies, which is actually a sign that

2782
01:40:59,520 --> 01:41:00,579
a city is growing,

2783
01:41:01,840 --> 01:41:03,680
which is so strange. You know, you you're

2784
01:41:03,680 --> 01:41:05,944
gonna get me started. I know. You're you're

2785
01:41:05,944 --> 01:41:07,704
gonna get me started. You're gonna get fired

2786
01:41:07,704 --> 01:41:09,944
up. He goes full old man yelling at

2787
01:41:09,944 --> 01:41:11,864
clouds or yelling at kids to get off

2788
01:41:11,864 --> 01:41:14,284
his lawn over it. It's I don't disagree

2789
01:41:14,344 --> 01:41:15,864
with you. I think it's fine. I mean,

2790
01:41:15,864 --> 01:41:17,724
no. That's you know, I

2791
01:41:18,824 --> 01:41:19,804
watch the way

2792
01:41:20,229 --> 01:41:20,969
they are

2793
01:41:21,429 --> 01:41:22,810
building like this.

2794
01:41:23,429 --> 01:41:23,929
And

2795
01:41:24,869 --> 01:41:27,130
back in the year 1999

2796
01:41:27,829 --> 01:41:30,550
Mhmm. We had such severe drought in the

2797
01:41:30,550 --> 01:41:33,349
state of Florida. Mhmm. K? That is what

2798
01:41:33,349 --> 01:41:35,529
helped run me out of my lawn business.

2799
01:41:35,590 --> 01:41:37,645
Yep. K. Tell me that. Because they were

2800
01:41:37,645 --> 01:41:40,465
so strict on the water restrictions. Mhmm.

2801
01:41:41,804 --> 01:41:42,304
K?

2802
01:41:44,045 --> 01:41:46,864
Nothing has changed. Mhmm. We still don't have

2803
01:41:47,164 --> 01:41:50,145
more water. We haven't Less. More water. Exactly

2804
01:41:50,204 --> 01:41:51,429
less. Tampa.

2805
01:41:51,889 --> 01:41:53,969
And more and more people are moving here.

2806
01:41:53,969 --> 01:41:54,630
I know.

2807
01:41:55,250 --> 01:41:57,329
I don't disagree with you. Yeah. There's been

2808
01:41:57,329 --> 01:41:59,409
a whole thing. My algorithm has showed me

2809
01:41:59,409 --> 01:42:01,409
a lot more Florida content because I've been

2810
01:42:01,409 --> 01:42:03,750
following more Florida content. In Tampa, Hillsborough,

2811
01:42:04,449 --> 01:42:04,949
massive,

2812
01:42:06,364 --> 01:42:08,525
restrictions on water right now. They're back to

2813
01:42:08,525 --> 01:42:10,305
what they've done in the past. Yeah.

2814
01:42:10,685 --> 01:42:13,405
We're we are we are in a point

2815
01:42:13,405 --> 01:42:15,744
where we are experiencing another drought. Mhmm.

2816
01:42:16,125 --> 01:42:16,784
We never

2817
01:42:17,805 --> 01:42:20,640
really fixed anything from the last drought. Sure.

2818
01:42:21,199 --> 01:42:22,739
You know? And now we're overpopulating.

2819
01:42:23,199 --> 01:42:25,680
We have one community here is bragging. They

2820
01:42:25,680 --> 01:42:27,539
wanna sorry, folks. Didn't

2821
01:42:28,159 --> 01:42:31,199
they they want they want to stretch from

2822
01:42:31,199 --> 01:42:33,435
the East Coast to the West Coast. Yeah.

2823
01:42:33,435 --> 01:42:34,414
The villages. Right?

2824
01:42:35,274 --> 01:42:37,194
Yeah. They they wanna be so big. They

2825
01:42:37,194 --> 01:42:39,194
wanna go coast to coast to coast. And

2826
01:42:39,194 --> 01:42:40,635
I promise you if somebody can figure out

2827
01:42:40,635 --> 01:42:41,994
how to let them do it, they will.

2828
01:42:41,994 --> 01:42:42,494
Yeah.

2829
01:42:43,194 --> 01:42:45,994
Yeah. It's it's it's getting ridiculous. I know

2830
01:42:45,994 --> 01:42:47,135
it's not just here.

2831
01:42:47,760 --> 01:42:49,199
I know they're not just doing it here.

2832
01:42:49,199 --> 01:42:51,119
I heard the same thing about Puerto Rico

2833
01:42:51,119 --> 01:42:51,619
now.

2834
01:42:51,920 --> 01:42:53,920
Oh, yeah. They they know. Coastal place, of

2835
01:42:53,920 --> 01:42:55,679
course. Yeah. They're they're they're tearing down the

2836
01:42:55,679 --> 01:42:56,179
rainforest

2837
01:42:56,479 --> 01:42:57,779
and and, you know,

2838
01:42:59,840 --> 01:43:01,619
building all along the beaches.

2839
01:43:02,454 --> 01:43:04,694
So They paved paradise to put up a

2840
01:43:04,694 --> 01:43:07,175
parking lot. We're literally watching parking lots go

2841
01:43:07,175 --> 01:43:10,135
up in our downtown area. Yeah. That's made

2842
01:43:10,135 --> 01:43:11,435
the streets narrower.

2843
01:43:12,375 --> 01:43:14,635
There's parking lots, and they're all paid.

2844
01:43:14,960 --> 01:43:17,199
You and and not a human works in

2845
01:43:17,199 --> 01:43:19,000
them. You better have that app or that

2846
01:43:19,119 --> 01:43:21,219
scan that QR code or whatever it is.

2847
01:43:21,840 --> 01:43:23,779
Yeah. I I am not against

2848
01:43:24,479 --> 01:43:26,719
progress. You need progress. You have to have

2849
01:43:26,719 --> 01:43:29,125
progress, But it's gotta be done sensibly, and

2850
01:43:29,125 --> 01:43:30,905
nothing is done has been

2851
01:43:31,284 --> 01:43:32,185
that way here.

2852
01:43:32,725 --> 01:43:33,225
Mhmm.

2853
01:43:33,525 --> 01:43:35,604
So We still somehow live on the quiet

2854
01:43:35,604 --> 01:43:37,525
side of town True. For now. For now.

2855
01:43:37,525 --> 01:43:39,864
And I'm I'm very grateful for that because,

2856
01:43:40,390 --> 01:43:40,970
you know,

2857
01:43:41,350 --> 01:43:44,630
we left the Tampa Bay area because it

2858
01:43:44,630 --> 01:43:47,529
was so overcrowded. It was And unaffordable. Unaffordable.

2859
01:43:48,310 --> 01:43:49,369
Mhmm. You know?

2860
01:43:49,750 --> 01:43:52,755
And and we we came up here, and

2861
01:43:52,755 --> 01:43:55,154
we did, you know, the the area I'm

2862
01:43:55,154 --> 01:43:56,774
gonna out around 200

2863
01:43:56,835 --> 01:43:57,654
was busy.

2864
01:43:58,594 --> 01:43:59,094
Yeah.

2865
01:43:59,475 --> 01:44:01,015
But now Mhmm.

2866
01:44:01,554 --> 01:44:03,795
Now it is it's like a parking lot.

2867
01:44:03,795 --> 01:44:05,635
Oh, I hit my mic that time. You

2868
01:44:05,635 --> 01:44:07,119
know, it's it's like a a parking lot

2869
01:44:07,119 --> 01:44:08,399
out there. But the thing is you gotta

2870
01:44:08,399 --> 01:44:08,899
remember,

2871
01:44:09,359 --> 01:44:09,859
we

2872
01:44:10,479 --> 01:44:11,460
move for affordability.

2873
01:44:11,920 --> 01:44:13,920
So do a lot of people. Yeah. They

2874
01:44:13,920 --> 01:44:16,000
either come from up north, down. They're coming

2875
01:44:16,000 --> 01:44:18,479
for the sunshine. Mhmm. We are a fast

2876
01:44:18,479 --> 01:44:20,414
growing area, so you still kinda get the

2877
01:44:20,494 --> 01:44:22,114
feel of country. Mhmm. But

2878
01:44:22,895 --> 01:44:23,534
yeah. So

2879
01:44:24,335 --> 01:44:26,835
Yeah. Yeah. I know. A a starter home

2880
01:44:27,055 --> 01:44:29,694
here now is priced at $300,000.

2881
01:44:29,694 --> 01:44:32,574
Starts at 300. When we were looking we

2882
01:44:32,574 --> 01:44:35,109
look started looking in 2018, 2019,

2883
01:44:35,329 --> 01:44:37,329
starter home was still, like, a 150,

2884
01:44:37,329 --> 01:44:38,630
175,000.

2885
01:44:39,090 --> 01:44:40,529
Yeah. A lot has changed in the past

2886
01:44:40,529 --> 01:44:43,189
few years for everyone everywhere. Right.

2887
01:44:43,569 --> 01:44:46,210
So Oh. But yeah. Yeah. I mean, other

2888
01:44:46,210 --> 01:44:47,649
other than that, you know, we've been we've

2889
01:44:47,649 --> 01:44:49,090
been doing good. I've been doing a lot

2890
01:44:49,090 --> 01:44:50,064
of yard work.

2891
01:44:51,005 --> 01:44:52,524
When you're not doing a lot of making

2892
01:44:52,524 --> 01:44:55,324
shit for Making sure. Cancery. Yeah. Cancery.com.

2893
01:44:55,324 --> 01:44:57,005
And then handing it off to me. I

2894
01:44:57,005 --> 01:44:59,244
have stacks and stacks of things. We we

2895
01:44:59,244 --> 01:45:01,485
got the, front yard cleaned up from all

2896
01:45:01,485 --> 01:45:02,864
the, winter detritus.

2897
01:45:03,324 --> 01:45:03,810
Mhmm.

2898
01:45:05,090 --> 01:45:07,030
And this afternoon, I did the backyard.

2899
01:45:08,050 --> 01:45:09,810
Yesterday afternoon. Or did you do the hard

2900
01:45:09,810 --> 01:45:10,710
today? I mowed

2901
01:45:11,409 --> 01:45:13,329
backyard yesterday. Right. Oh, you did the other

2902
01:45:13,329 --> 01:45:15,090
side today? I wasn't able to go all

2903
01:45:15,090 --> 01:45:17,489
the way to the back because with our

2904
01:45:17,489 --> 01:45:18,310
tree line,

2905
01:45:19,234 --> 01:45:20,375
there was so many

2906
01:45:21,875 --> 01:45:24,835
branches and twigs and stuff. Didn't wanna run

2907
01:45:24,835 --> 01:45:26,994
over with the mower and tear it up.

2908
01:45:26,994 --> 01:45:27,395
But,

2909
01:45:29,875 --> 01:45:30,534
you know,

2910
01:45:31,234 --> 01:45:33,060
so I went got all that cleaned up

2911
01:45:33,060 --> 01:45:35,000
today after I finished out in the shop.

2912
01:45:35,619 --> 01:45:37,780
Gotcha. And Lola was helping again. She was

2913
01:45:37,780 --> 01:45:39,380
out there. She's a very good helper. She

2914
01:45:39,380 --> 01:45:41,619
she was, you know, supervising the lawn, you

2915
01:45:41,619 --> 01:45:43,780
know Mhmm. Sitting there on the porch watching

2916
01:45:43,780 --> 01:45:45,539
me. Making sure you didn't screw it up.

2917
01:45:45,539 --> 01:45:46,600
Exactly. Mhmm.

2918
01:45:47,204 --> 01:45:47,704
Mhmm.

2919
01:45:48,085 --> 01:45:50,185
She's she's become quite a good supervisor.

2920
01:45:54,805 --> 01:45:57,305
Yes. JB was on the floor in here

2921
01:45:57,445 --> 01:45:59,145
and here in the office where we record.

2922
01:46:01,930 --> 01:46:02,250
And,

2923
01:46:03,130 --> 01:46:04,170
he had to get on the floor to

2924
01:46:04,170 --> 01:46:06,489
unhook some stuff, and Lola just got right

2925
01:46:06,489 --> 01:46:08,250
next to him. Mhmm. Let me make sure

2926
01:46:08,250 --> 01:46:10,569
you're doing this right now. Yeah. Silence out

2927
01:46:10,569 --> 01:46:12,270
here trying to hurt everybody's feelings.

2928
01:46:12,649 --> 01:46:13,930
In live chat, she says, I don't wanna

2929
01:46:13,930 --> 01:46:16,074
hurt anyone, but 2018 was almost ten years

2930
01:46:16,074 --> 01:46:18,635
ago. Almost, but not actually. Come on now.

2931
01:46:18,635 --> 01:46:19,614
Come on now.

2932
01:46:20,715 --> 01:46:22,094
Almost, but not quite.

2933
01:46:22,795 --> 01:46:23,614
My brain

2934
01:46:23,994 --> 01:46:25,835
still thinks every time I think, oh, COVID.

2935
01:46:25,835 --> 01:46:27,354
COVID was a few years ago. We're at

2936
01:46:27,514 --> 01:46:29,359
COVID was six years ago ago now. Yeah.

2937
01:46:29,359 --> 01:46:31,439
There's the start of COVID, let's say. Mhmm.

2938
01:46:31,439 --> 01:46:33,279
Yeah. Like, what? Like, what do you what

2939
01:46:33,279 --> 01:46:35,039
do you mean? What do you mean six

2940
01:46:35,039 --> 01:46:36,500
years ago? Yeah.

2941
01:46:37,520 --> 01:46:39,380
Time has no meaning. No.

2942
01:46:40,719 --> 01:46:41,219
So

2943
01:46:41,760 --> 01:46:43,460
yeah. That's us. New setup.

2944
01:46:44,015 --> 01:46:44,515
Same

2945
01:46:45,295 --> 01:46:47,295
chaos. New chaos because now we're it used

2946
01:46:47,295 --> 01:46:48,494
to be I was the one that banged

2947
01:46:48,494 --> 01:46:50,175
the microphone. Now you get to do it

2948
01:46:50,175 --> 01:46:52,494
too. Somehow I have a feeling that, within

2949
01:46:52,494 --> 01:46:53,475
the next probably

2950
01:46:54,095 --> 01:46:55,854
twenty four to forty eight hours, I will

2951
01:46:55,854 --> 01:46:58,060
be given a link of the appropriate mics

2952
01:46:58,060 --> 01:47:00,140
to purchase and be told, make this happen

2953
01:47:00,140 --> 01:47:01,199
as soon as possible.

2954
01:47:01,739 --> 01:47:03,739
Yeah. Yeah. Feel like that's coming. This is

2955
01:47:03,739 --> 01:47:05,600
not working as good as I had

2956
01:47:05,900 --> 01:47:08,320
envisioned it. No. Yeah. Yeah.

2957
01:47:09,100 --> 01:47:10,914
I mean, I know mentioned maybe the, you

2958
01:47:10,914 --> 01:47:12,755
know, just the the one mic in the

2959
01:47:12,755 --> 01:47:13,255
center.

2960
01:47:13,875 --> 01:47:15,875
Yeah. But you have us on two separate

2961
01:47:15,875 --> 01:47:17,414
volume Volume. Yeah. Volleys

2962
01:47:17,875 --> 01:47:20,594
because I'd be shocked. I'm I'm louder. Yeah.

2963
01:47:20,594 --> 01:47:22,755
So Jamie turns himself up, and he turns

2964
01:47:22,755 --> 01:47:24,215
me down. I did I did try

2965
01:47:24,594 --> 01:47:26,289
That you yeah. It was worse. You That

2966
01:47:26,289 --> 01:47:29,090
was worse. We were really Podcast listeners is

2967
01:47:29,090 --> 01:47:30,770
moving the mic from one side of them

2968
01:47:30,770 --> 01:47:32,130
to the other side of them. We were

2969
01:47:32,130 --> 01:47:34,050
we were really bonking into everything when we

2970
01:47:34,050 --> 01:47:36,210
had them both in the center. So, yeah,

2971
01:47:36,210 --> 01:47:38,369
I think the, the lavaliers are gonna be

2972
01:47:38,369 --> 01:47:39,189
the way to go.

2973
01:47:39,729 --> 01:47:42,184
Yeah. And I've been need to figure out

2974
01:47:42,184 --> 01:47:42,684
everything

2975
01:47:44,344 --> 01:47:45,724
to get for it. Sure.

2976
01:47:46,024 --> 01:47:49,224
Yeah. I started researching those sometime last year.

2977
01:47:49,224 --> 01:47:51,864
Maybe maybe year before. Time has no meaning.

2978
01:47:51,864 --> 01:47:55,029
I don't know. Because, yeah, this changing things

2979
01:47:55,029 --> 01:47:56,630
up has been on my list for a

2980
01:47:56,630 --> 01:47:58,250
hot estimate. I know it has.

2981
01:47:58,630 --> 01:48:00,630
And here we are Mhmm. Changing things up,

2982
01:48:00,630 --> 01:48:02,310
hopefully, for the better. That Right. That is

2983
01:48:02,310 --> 01:48:03,989
the plan. Right. So

2984
01:48:04,310 --> 01:48:06,885
Yeah. We should probably go. I know. It's

2985
01:48:06,885 --> 01:48:08,645
almost time for me to feed fur babies.

2986
01:48:08,645 --> 01:48:10,585
I can hear them in in the kitchen.

2987
01:48:10,645 --> 01:48:12,805
Yeah. Also, as comfortable as these chairs are

2988
01:48:13,045 --> 01:48:13,364
Mhmm.

2989
01:48:13,925 --> 01:48:16,585
After almost two hours, a little less comfortable.

2990
01:48:17,925 --> 01:48:20,005
And see, I don't I'm You're feeling good?

2991
01:48:20,005 --> 01:48:20,984
I feel okay.

2992
01:48:21,364 --> 01:48:23,750
Look. I your back and the pain that

2993
01:48:23,750 --> 01:48:26,150
you experience is way more important than, like,

2994
01:48:26,150 --> 01:48:28,310
one of my butt cheeks being asleep. So

2995
01:48:28,310 --> 01:48:28,810
it's

2996
01:48:29,270 --> 01:48:32,550
fine. It's fine. It's fine. Yeah. This is

2997
01:48:32,550 --> 01:48:34,570
still better than the chair we had before.

2998
01:48:34,789 --> 01:48:35,930
Yes. Absolutely.

2999
01:48:36,925 --> 01:48:37,585
And, ultimately,

3000
01:48:38,524 --> 01:48:41,405
that's what matters. No. It's better than we

3001
01:48:41,405 --> 01:48:43,965
had before. Mhmm. But, yes, we you know,

3002
01:48:43,965 --> 01:48:45,965
this was bound to happen. We didn't stream

3003
01:48:45,965 --> 01:48:48,204
or record last week. Right. Our Friday night

3004
01:48:48,204 --> 01:48:50,765
livestream got so y'all know I take a

3005
01:48:50,765 --> 01:48:52,409
break, and then I can't shut up.

3006
01:48:52,970 --> 01:48:55,210
And I didn't wanna I I narrowed down

3007
01:48:55,210 --> 01:48:57,449
the Reddit post. Like, I pulled up oh

3008
01:48:57,449 --> 01:48:59,210
my god. I had, like, 15 pulled up,

3009
01:48:59,210 --> 01:49:01,210
and then I weeded it out. Oh my

3010
01:49:01,210 --> 01:49:03,449
god. Could've, you know, got us down the

3011
01:49:03,449 --> 01:49:04,729
last one. I was like, nope. I don't

3012
01:49:04,729 --> 01:49:06,670
want to. So I didn't.

3013
01:49:07,395 --> 01:49:09,175
And here we are. Here we are.

3014
01:49:10,114 --> 01:49:11,954
No. But, yes, we are gonna go. Mhmm.

3015
01:49:12,114 --> 01:49:14,194
Thank you all for being here. Yep. Especially

3016
01:49:14,194 --> 01:49:15,734
to the bitter end. Mhmm.

3017
01:49:16,194 --> 01:49:19,255
And, appreciate y'all putting up with our Amptics.

3018
01:49:19,954 --> 01:49:22,649
New insanity around here Mhmm. Till we kinda

3019
01:49:22,810 --> 01:49:24,270
iron things out? Yep. And,

3020
01:49:25,050 --> 01:49:25,550
hopefully,

3021
01:49:26,090 --> 01:49:28,489
YouTube's not an asshole. Yeah. And we're we'll

3022
01:49:28,489 --> 01:49:30,989
be back like normal next week. Mhmm. Okay.

3023
01:49:31,050 --> 01:49:32,670
Alright. Bye. Bye.