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You're listening to the Loving BDSM podcast, episode

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four seventy five. K. The Lord's here with

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the one, the only,

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the you hurt yourself as often as I

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hurt myself. Who is the klutz among us?

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John Brownstone.

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I know.

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I yeah.

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Every time I turn around, there's something There's

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a new wrong with a finger. A new

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scratch. Yeah. Yeah.

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You're a bleeder. So,

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I'm glad you're okay, but also, what the

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hell, man? You're just scratches.

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That's too bloody to me to be just

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a scratch, but okay. It's too soon when

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I had my lawn business. No. Thank you.

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No. Thank you.

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That has nothing to do with anything for

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us. That's just

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our chaotic randomness.

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This week, we're answering

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the questions that we received from y'all over

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on Instagram and maybe YouTube that we're time

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traveling now. So I'm not a 100% sure

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about YouTube, but we'll all find out together.

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Welcome to the Living BDSM podcast. If this

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is your first time listening, glad to have

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you. If you're back for another week, welcome

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back. Loving BDSM is produced every Monday and

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Friday for your kinky pleasure in education, and

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show notes are found at lovingbdsm.net.

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Come back often and feel free to add

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the podcast to your favorite podcast app.

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And if you really like us,

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we'd love a rating, a review, whatever your

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podcast app does. We would love one of

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those. Thank you so much.

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You can also follow the show on FetLife

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at loving BDSMPC,

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on Instagram and technically threads at that handle

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I will forever fucking hate. Loving d s

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and the number one. So at loving d

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s one.

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I hate it.

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Blue sky at loving BDSM dot whatever the

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hell else the Blue Sky handle has. Or

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on YouTube at youtube.com/lovingbdsm,

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where you can watch us live stream the

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podcast every Wednesday. All links are in the

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show notes.

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Okay.

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Before

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we,

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get into these questions,

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I have a fun little announcement to make.

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I am so

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excited to actually make this and that's not

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what I meant to do. I hit the

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wrong button.

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Okay. Cool.

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The announcement is is that all of our

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fundraisers,

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we had two going on simultaneously in case

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you were uncertain, for the Campaign for Southern

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Equality,

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an organization that helps southern LGBTQ plus,

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folk

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because we happen to live in hellscapes where

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our states are just continuously trying to take

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away the rights of trans folks and all

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other LGBTQ

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folks.

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We did fundraisers for them. So

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one was when we ran through the month

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of February. How the fuck is it March

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now? I don't even know.

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And that ended

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through YouTube.

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And then we ran a fundraiser where we

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donated 5% of the

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gross revenue

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from our kinky Valentine's Day sale through the

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kinkery.

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And so I finally gathered everything the fuck

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together for the past, like, twenty four hours.

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And through YouTube,

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$401

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was donated to the Campaign for Southern Equality.

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Thank you to everybody on YouTube who donated.

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We really appreciate it. Yeah. And through Kinkery

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sales,

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it was a $134,

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and then we paid the card processing fee.

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So it came out to, like, 138 and

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some change or whatever.

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So, yeah, over $500

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went to Nice. Campaign for Southern Equality. That

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is the amount $500

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is one of the travel grants that they

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will give to

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trans people and or their family if they're

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a minor

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to help them leave their state to get,

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medical care.

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So we have been the, recipients

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of those grants. We're very appreciative.

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Life would look a little different if we

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had not found out about that and had

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not received that.

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And so we are happy to be able

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to give back.

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Other fundraisers will come up through the year.

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We've already JB and I have already talked

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about that between the two of us. There

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are other organizations we wanna support, but I'm

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pretty sure we're gonna keep coming back to

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Campaign for Southern Equality as well. So

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thank you to everybody. Whether you purchased something

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through the kinkery or you donated through,

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YouTube or you just, like, gave us your

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time, attention, and told somebody we exist so

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that maybe they were the ones who, like,

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found us and did the thing, we appreciate

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you completely, completely.

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So yay.

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Okay.

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Questions. I just double checked YouTube. There's no

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questions on I put a post up on

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the community tab in YouTube,

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which my experience I know this is not

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true for every YouTuber.

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That is the most useless fucking thing that

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YouTube lets us do.

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If our videos are barely seen by our

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own audience, the community posts,

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even less so. Yeah. So all of the

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questions that we have are,

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through Instagram

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depending on how quickly we get through these.

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And a couple of these, I picked them,

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said, yeah. We'll go ahead and answer, knowing

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that the answer is we cannot help you.

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But here, maybe we can point you to

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where you can get some help. Right.

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If we feel like we have time or

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feel like we still have energy, we may

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turn to the YouTube live chat to take

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questions. Do not count on that, but we

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might do it. Okay. Okay. Okay.

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Okay. First question.

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Mhmm.

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I'm a soft dom. My wife wants a

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hard dom. Any tips?

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Oh. Not sure on that. That's

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Would you like my immediate thoughts? Yeah. Let's

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see. Yeah.

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Have you defined for your self what soft

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dom means, and has your wife defined for

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herself

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what she means by a hard dom? Is

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it specific kinks?

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Is it specific actions?

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Is it a tone of voice? Is it

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a type

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of rule making or task setting or accountability

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that your sub maybe wants to have to

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you?

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Whatever those things are,

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have y'all discuss them in detail

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specifics, instead of hard dom, soft dom?

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And of any of those things, are those

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things you, as the dom, are you willing

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to do? Are you curious about? Does it

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interest you? Would you do it just to

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make your, you know, wife happy, which is

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a perfectly acceptable reason to do something?

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I do see this is a time

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where I think

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sometimes the general terms are a little unhelpful.

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We already know I don't love these general

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terms, although I do know they are helpful

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to folks and labels are personal. You get

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to use whatever you want. But what what

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do you mean by soft dom and hard

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dom? What does she mean by soft dom,

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hard dom?

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And then kinda screw that. What are the

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specific Drill drill down into it. Right. What

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are the details? Because it's very possible. She

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doesn't want a hard dom, you know,

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air quote that with big title. She wants

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you to do

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a thing or a couple of things

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very specific.

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Or and once you know what the specifics

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are, then you get to decide,

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am I even willing to do that? And

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then you can negotiate back and forth or

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you can go learn about a thing together

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or you can try it out in a

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scene or, you know, plan a role play

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or whatever,

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and then you're making decisions and without having

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to change the core of who you are.

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Because the tip is

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if you are a soft dom and your

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partner wants something that you inherently

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are not,

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everybody's about to be unhappy. Mhmm. But let's

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that's not a useful conversation.

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Let's talk about exactly what she wants, the

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actions, the details. She's going to have to

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say, I want this. I want to experience

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this. I saw this thing and it intrigued

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me.

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And then you then there's a conversation. Right.

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Yeah. Yeah. Because when you say, well, I'm

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this and and she wants that,

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how do we reconcile that? You kind of

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don't.

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But

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get down to the nitty gritty, and now

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you're talking about actions that may or may

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not be able to be negotiated within your

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existing power exchange. Mhmm. Within your existing power

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exchange.

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Mhmm. Good point. Do you have any other

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thoughts? Nope.

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I know. I know. I told you I

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woke up grumpy from my not a nap.

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I wish it had been a nap. Could

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I get a REM cycle? Believe me. I

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I I felt so bad

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having to disturb your nap. You didn't disturb

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me. I promise. But I did had to

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know one way or the other. No. You

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did not. You actually

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I was already drifting in and out, out,

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and I kept my head kept jolting because

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my I kept turning my head kept falling,

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so my neck was hurting, and then my

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neck would hurt, and I jolt up. So

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it was not you. It's fine. It's fine.

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And the whole time you're doing that, I'm

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running around doing stuff. You were doing all

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kinds. I had done my things already. Yeah.

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I hadn't done mine.

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Next question.

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How do I initiate play as a sub

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slash flirt with my dom without topping from

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the bottom?

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I think that's probably easier than they think.

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Right. Because I'm I'm gonna go back to

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define your term. What do you think? What

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do y'all think topping from the bottom is?

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Because letting your partner know that you're interested

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in something is not topping from the bottom.

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No. Making your desires clear, not topping from

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the bottom. As long as

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desires clear, not topping from the bottom. As

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long as the dom still gets to make

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the choice Right. You have not topped from

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the bottom.

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That's right.

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But that being said, what are things that

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what are

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what are things that what are approaches you,

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JV,

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appreciate, like, or have noticed that

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help for you?

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I know for me, a lot of times,

273
00:09:35,240 --> 00:09:35,740
it's

274
00:09:38,914 --> 00:09:39,894
how you touch.

275
00:09:40,355 --> 00:09:41,575
Mhmm. Mhmm. Okay?

276
00:09:41,955 --> 00:09:44,054
There there are certain ways you touch

277
00:09:44,674 --> 00:09:45,735
that, indicate.

278
00:09:46,914 --> 00:09:48,834
Like, not when I smack them up against

279
00:09:48,834 --> 00:09:49,200
the back

280
00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:54,007
of the head, which I would never actually

281
00:09:54,007 --> 00:09:55,600
do. Never actually do. Not unless what I

282
00:09:55,600 --> 00:09:57,519
really want is for it to be a

283
00:09:57,519 --> 00:10:00,240
miserable time for both of them. Yeah. Would

284
00:10:00,240 --> 00:10:01,220
never do that.

285
00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:02,980
Yeah. I mean,

286
00:10:03,615 --> 00:10:06,335
what else? What else? Wait. What else? God,

287
00:10:06,335 --> 00:10:08,115
I don't know. Tends to be with tones.

288
00:10:08,335 --> 00:10:10,095
You know the tone of my voice very

289
00:10:10,095 --> 00:10:12,575
well. The tone I'm using now, you would

290
00:10:12,575 --> 00:10:14,575
not No. Think that I was being playful

291
00:10:14,575 --> 00:10:15,875
or flirty. No.

292
00:10:16,575 --> 00:10:17,075
No.

293
00:10:18,009 --> 00:10:20,330
No. But there are other ways that I

294
00:10:20,410 --> 00:10:21,929
but and part of that is we know

295
00:10:21,929 --> 00:10:24,250
one another. Mhmm. You know, so we know

296
00:10:24,250 --> 00:10:26,169
each other's habits. We know how each other

297
00:10:26,169 --> 00:10:27,309
responds to stuff.

298
00:10:29,049 --> 00:10:30,830
You you also become very,

299
00:10:32,924 --> 00:10:36,204
lighthearted, very playful Yes. At times. Yes. And

300
00:10:36,204 --> 00:10:37,184
I I think

301
00:10:38,605 --> 00:10:40,605
with you, I I can do that, will

302
00:10:40,605 --> 00:10:42,444
do that without really thinking about it. It

303
00:10:42,444 --> 00:10:43,964
took a hot minute to get there because

304
00:10:43,964 --> 00:10:45,584
it's a trust and safety thing.

305
00:10:46,524 --> 00:10:50,120
So for a submissive who wants to initiate

306
00:10:50,120 --> 00:10:50,940
play flirt,

307
00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:54,200
if if it is receptive from your dom,

308
00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:55,420
lean into the playfulness.

309
00:10:55,800 --> 00:10:58,120
Now that all being said, I only asked

310
00:10:58,120 --> 00:10:59,705
JB to share what works on him to

311
00:10:59,705 --> 00:11:02,184
just give a couple of ideas. Truly, I'm

312
00:11:02,184 --> 00:11:04,845
gonna give you the most boring answer.

313
00:11:05,705 --> 00:11:07,544
What I want you to do is to

314
00:11:07,544 --> 00:11:08,605
say, hey, Dom.

315
00:11:08,904 --> 00:11:09,644
Can we

316
00:11:10,504 --> 00:11:13,784
have a not, like, super serious our relationship

317
00:11:13,784 --> 00:11:15,559
is in trouble kind of conversation, but, like,

318
00:11:15,559 --> 00:11:17,960
can we have a conversation about something I

319
00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:20,679
would like to know what you'd like me

320
00:11:20,679 --> 00:11:23,399
to do. Right? It could be, maybe y'all

321
00:11:23,399 --> 00:11:25,399
do check ins at some regular time. Cool.

322
00:11:25,399 --> 00:11:27,240
Maybe y'all just talk about the state of

323
00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:27,740
your,

324
00:11:28,475 --> 00:11:31,134
power exchange as you need. Whatever. But

325
00:11:31,435 --> 00:11:32,955
make sure that you are talking to them

326
00:11:32,955 --> 00:11:35,514
when everything is calm, when they are in

327
00:11:35,514 --> 00:11:37,435
a headspace to be able to focus on

328
00:11:37,435 --> 00:11:39,675
you. Might not even be that long of

329
00:11:39,675 --> 00:11:42,735
a conversation. It might be forty five seconds.

330
00:11:42,875 --> 00:11:43,375
Okay?

331
00:11:43,919 --> 00:11:46,480
But I want you to ask your dom

332
00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:48,879
this question. Mhmm. I wanna be able to

333
00:11:48,879 --> 00:11:50,480
flirt with you. I wanna let you know

334
00:11:50,480 --> 00:11:51,779
that I'm into it.

335
00:11:52,399 --> 00:11:54,320
Mhmm. What are some things I can do?

336
00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:56,080
Or here are some things I thought of.

337
00:11:56,080 --> 00:11:58,284
How would you take those? Because our, our

338
00:11:58,445 --> 00:12:01,004
that's not topping from the bottom. Could even

339
00:12:01,004 --> 00:12:02,684
if I would disagree with them, could be

340
00:12:02,684 --> 00:12:04,924
somebody else's topping from the bottom. And for

341
00:12:04,924 --> 00:12:07,164
a while, if you remember correctly, we haven't

342
00:12:07,164 --> 00:12:08,865
used it in a in a hot minute,

343
00:12:09,085 --> 00:12:09,404
but,

344
00:12:10,044 --> 00:12:11,485
there we used to have a code phrase

345
00:12:11,485 --> 00:12:12,144
for you

346
00:12:13,004 --> 00:12:15,379
when you wanted a or needed a spanking.

347
00:12:15,839 --> 00:12:17,759
Oh, sure. That was a that was a,

348
00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:19,839
I was anxious spanking. That was not a

349
00:12:19,839 --> 00:12:20,980
I want a scene spanking.

350
00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:23,759
What I the thing I I'm what I'm

351
00:12:23,759 --> 00:12:26,434
trying to get across here is instead of

352
00:12:26,575 --> 00:12:27,075
guess

353
00:12:27,855 --> 00:12:29,121
guessing and hoping that you do it right

354
00:12:29,121 --> 00:12:31,475
and that it lands, just ask your partner,

355
00:12:32,095 --> 00:12:32,835
you know, or

356
00:12:34,174 --> 00:12:36,174
say I had this thought. How would how

357
00:12:36,174 --> 00:12:37,695
would you take that if I did this

358
00:12:37,695 --> 00:12:39,820
thing? Like whatever behavior. And somebody in the

359
00:12:39,820 --> 00:12:42,139
live chat mentioned, don't underestimate the power of

360
00:12:42,139 --> 00:12:43,679
going, hey. Can we have a scene?

361
00:12:44,379 --> 00:12:46,879
Mhmm. Yeah. Plain and simple.

362
00:12:47,580 --> 00:12:49,360
Over the years as I've gotten

363
00:12:50,299 --> 00:12:51,360
way more comfortable,

364
00:12:51,714 --> 00:12:54,274
clearly Mhmm. I just go, can you just

365
00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:56,115
spank me? Can, like, can you just beat

366
00:12:56,115 --> 00:12:57,335
my ass, please?

367
00:12:59,075 --> 00:13:00,855
I do think that's the,

368
00:13:02,914 --> 00:13:04,779
air quote flirting of

369
00:13:05,480 --> 00:13:07,720
a relationship that's got some longevity to it.

370
00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:09,639
Sometimes you just don't fuck around and you

371
00:13:09,639 --> 00:13:11,240
go, what can we do this fucking thing?

372
00:13:11,240 --> 00:13:13,240
I've got ten minutes. Do you have ten

373
00:13:13,240 --> 00:13:14,539
minutes? We're not exhausted.

374
00:13:14,919 --> 00:13:17,284
Nobody's in pain. Can we? Can we can

375
00:13:17,585 --> 00:13:18,085
we?

376
00:13:19,184 --> 00:13:21,345
But, you know, there's no reason this is

377
00:13:21,424 --> 00:13:23,664
there's no reason to walk around guessing if

378
00:13:23,664 --> 00:13:25,105
you try to do a thing. Will it

379
00:13:25,105 --> 00:13:27,424
upset your partner or will they get you

380
00:13:27,424 --> 00:13:28,809
know, will they pick up what you're putting

381
00:13:28,809 --> 00:13:29,850
down? Right?

382
00:13:30,730 --> 00:13:34,350
So talk about what flirting or being playful

383
00:13:35,129 --> 00:13:36,669
feels like from your perspective

384
00:13:37,370 --> 00:13:39,769
and find out if your partner is receptive

385
00:13:39,769 --> 00:13:41,209
to that. There are dogs out there who

386
00:13:41,209 --> 00:13:43,294
are not. They they want to initiate.

387
00:13:43,834 --> 00:13:47,034
They don't you know, it it they have

388
00:13:47,034 --> 00:13:48,095
feelings about

389
00:13:48,714 --> 00:13:49,615
their sub

390
00:13:49,995 --> 00:13:52,074
making it clear what they want. That's not

391
00:13:52,074 --> 00:13:53,754
a dynamic I could be in. I don't

392
00:13:53,754 --> 00:13:55,934
think it's a dynamic that the majority

393
00:13:56,370 --> 00:13:58,529
of kinksters can be in, but that is

394
00:13:58,529 --> 00:14:00,129
a thing and those are there are dynamics

395
00:14:00,129 --> 00:14:02,049
out there like that. But most of the

396
00:14:02,049 --> 00:14:04,049
time, I think I think any partner is

397
00:14:04,049 --> 00:14:05,250
gonna be like, oh, you have a way

398
00:14:05,250 --> 00:14:06,850
of letting me know that you're down for

399
00:14:06,850 --> 00:14:08,690
whatever we could do and that you're in

400
00:14:08,690 --> 00:14:10,705
the mood and you're like, we could have

401
00:14:10,705 --> 00:14:12,164
a good time. I I

402
00:14:13,504 --> 00:14:15,184
just if you're not if you don't feel

403
00:14:15,184 --> 00:14:16,784
confident that you could just do it and

404
00:14:16,784 --> 00:14:18,404
it it would be well received,

405
00:14:19,024 --> 00:14:20,784
then have a conversation about it. And yeah,

406
00:14:20,784 --> 00:14:21,924
it's gonna feel awkward.

407
00:14:23,024 --> 00:14:24,929
That's all of this feels awkward

408
00:14:25,789 --> 00:14:28,190
for the first time. But this is to

409
00:14:28,190 --> 00:14:29,169
me a very,

410
00:14:31,950 --> 00:14:32,450
nonthreatening

411
00:14:32,830 --> 00:14:35,549
way to get some communication practice in because

412
00:14:35,549 --> 00:14:38,235
you're literally saying, how can I as a

413
00:14:38,235 --> 00:14:39,774
submissive approach you

414
00:14:40,794 --> 00:14:41,774
as your submissive

415
00:14:42,075 --> 00:14:43,054
to let you know

416
00:14:43,595 --> 00:14:46,634
that I'm down for whatever? Right? Or that

417
00:14:46,634 --> 00:14:49,034
I want a specific scene or, hey. Let's

418
00:14:49,034 --> 00:14:51,399
play. I mean, god. Just, hey. Can we

419
00:14:51,399 --> 00:14:54,440
play this truly? I've not maybe play, but

420
00:14:54,440 --> 00:14:55,799
that's not usually a word I use with

421
00:14:55,799 --> 00:14:56,299
JB,

422
00:14:56,679 --> 00:14:59,000
but something to the effect of, daddy, can

423
00:14:59,000 --> 00:14:59,980
we play tonight?

424
00:15:00,919 --> 00:15:03,095
It is always still his decision. I can

425
00:15:03,095 --> 00:15:05,334
say it in a less grumpy tone than

426
00:15:05,334 --> 00:15:06,774
I just used. I could say it in

427
00:15:06,774 --> 00:15:07,914
a playful way,

428
00:15:08,375 --> 00:15:10,855
but I'm I'm not the decision maker he

429
00:15:10,855 --> 00:15:13,195
is, and then we go from there. So

430
00:15:14,054 --> 00:15:15,195
don't overthink it.

431
00:15:15,750 --> 00:15:16,649
Ask questions

432
00:15:17,429 --> 00:15:20,070
Mhmm. That give your dom the ability to

433
00:15:20,070 --> 00:15:22,250
make the decision and or have a conversation

434
00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:25,750
about it, about these thoughts you're having in

435
00:15:25,750 --> 00:15:26,809
your head. Mhmm.

436
00:15:27,269 --> 00:15:29,190
Just saying. It's the boring answer, but, you

437
00:15:29,190 --> 00:15:29,690
know.

438
00:15:31,514 --> 00:15:32,014
Yep.

439
00:15:33,675 --> 00:15:34,175
Okay.

440
00:15:34,715 --> 00:15:36,095
Next one. Alright.

441
00:15:37,115 --> 00:15:39,195
Of course, this question is not specific to

442
00:15:39,195 --> 00:15:40,014
kink, but,

443
00:15:40,795 --> 00:15:43,049
nonmonogamy is very not very common, but it

444
00:15:43,049 --> 00:15:45,049
is a thing that happens within kink. So

445
00:15:45,049 --> 00:15:47,370
here we go. What are the best ways

446
00:15:47,370 --> 00:15:49,769
to find additional partners when trying to start

447
00:15:49,769 --> 00:15:50,509
in polyamory?

448
00:15:51,370 --> 00:15:53,690
I would say probably get involved with your

449
00:15:53,690 --> 00:15:56,089
community. See what's out in your community with

450
00:15:56,089 --> 00:15:56,589
groups.

451
00:15:57,825 --> 00:15:58,485
You know,

452
00:15:59,745 --> 00:16:02,865
they may not have polyamorous specific groups, but

453
00:16:02,865 --> 00:16:04,705
even at munches there could be people who

454
00:16:04,865 --> 00:16:06,705
There are often people who are Right. Who

455
00:16:06,705 --> 00:16:07,845
are also poly.

456
00:16:08,705 --> 00:16:10,705
So, you know, look look for your your

457
00:16:10,705 --> 00:16:11,605
local community

458
00:16:12,129 --> 00:16:14,549
and and see if there is a poly

459
00:16:15,089 --> 00:16:17,329
community, you know, that that has any kind

460
00:16:17,329 --> 00:16:19,570
of get togethers. Yeah. In large enough areas,

461
00:16:19,570 --> 00:16:22,149
you can often find the poly and kinky.

462
00:16:22,850 --> 00:16:24,769
That Venn diagram being a circle, you can

463
00:16:24,769 --> 00:16:26,934
find those folks. Mhmm. And they'll be meeting

464
00:16:26,934 --> 00:16:28,855
up. Yeah. I know. When lived in Bay

465
00:16:28,855 --> 00:16:30,554
Area, they had Mhmm.

466
00:16:31,095 --> 00:16:33,575
You know, regular munchers. They had poly meet

467
00:16:33,575 --> 00:16:35,415
and greets and all kinds of different things

468
00:16:35,415 --> 00:16:37,495
that went on. The thing that comes to

469
00:16:37,495 --> 00:16:39,110
my mind, I would not know what to

470
00:16:39,110 --> 00:16:41,269
do myself, so I cannot offer any, like,

471
00:16:41,269 --> 00:16:43,610
practical advice, but I know what's out there.

472
00:16:43,830 --> 00:16:47,029
I believe the app is Field, f e

473
00:16:47,029 --> 00:16:48,009
e l d.

474
00:16:48,389 --> 00:16:50,695
It's kink. It's nonmonogamy.

475
00:16:51,154 --> 00:16:52,294
It's kind of, like,

476
00:16:52,914 --> 00:16:55,095
in a way, everybody is sort of welcome.

477
00:16:56,595 --> 00:16:58,534
What I would do on

478
00:16:59,154 --> 00:17:01,714
on a bio or on any place where

479
00:17:01,714 --> 00:17:02,129
you get to

480
00:17:03,169 --> 00:17:04,549
kinda let people know

481
00:17:05,009 --> 00:17:07,410
who you are and where you you know,

482
00:17:07,410 --> 00:17:08,869
what you're looking for and

483
00:17:09,250 --> 00:17:11,410
also make it clear you're you're new to

484
00:17:11,410 --> 00:17:11,910
nonmonogamy.

485
00:17:12,369 --> 00:17:14,609
You know? You say I'm seeking a partner.

486
00:17:14,609 --> 00:17:16,602
I'm try I'm learning about this as we

487
00:17:16,602 --> 00:17:19,204
go. Because some people will a 100% avoid

488
00:17:19,204 --> 00:17:21,517
a newbie. They don't want to train. Kinksters

489
00:17:21,517 --> 00:17:23,830
are like that too. Some people avoid a

490
00:17:23,830 --> 00:17:26,143
brand new dom or a brand new sub.

491
00:17:26,143 --> 00:17:28,456
That's not what they want to do. Others,

492
00:17:28,456 --> 00:17:30,880
the non creepy ones, ideally, they're like, okay.

493
00:17:30,880 --> 00:17:32,559
Cool. I'm, you know, I'm okay with that.

494
00:17:32,559 --> 00:17:34,240
I don't mind somebody being new to it

495
00:17:34,240 --> 00:17:36,400
because, you know, then they don't come in

496
00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:37,940
with too many preconceived notions,

497
00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:40,339
ideally, in a perfect world.

498
00:17:40,720 --> 00:17:41,839
But that would be the thing I would

499
00:17:41,839 --> 00:17:43,325
say is wherever you're going to meet meet

500
00:17:43,325 --> 00:17:44,765
people, if you're doing a dating app, if

501
00:17:44,765 --> 00:17:46,625
you're online, if you're

502
00:17:47,644 --> 00:17:49,825
you find you're in a a large enough,

503
00:17:50,125 --> 00:17:51,265
you know, metropolitan

504
00:17:51,644 --> 00:17:53,805
area or regional area with those kinds of

505
00:17:53,805 --> 00:17:56,279
groups, just be open about, you know, your

506
00:17:56,279 --> 00:17:58,680
experience level. Do not pretend to be somebody

507
00:17:58,680 --> 00:17:59,500
you are not.

508
00:18:02,039 --> 00:18:03,340
Yeah. I would also

509
00:18:03,799 --> 00:18:06,299
go if you are already in a relationship

510
00:18:06,360 --> 00:18:09,275
with somebody else and, you know, you're opening

511
00:18:09,275 --> 00:18:10,634
up in this way, like, you're going to

512
00:18:10,634 --> 00:18:13,275
seek an additional partner hope hoping to meet

513
00:18:13,275 --> 00:18:13,775
somebody,

514
00:18:14,234 --> 00:18:16,494
I would be having conversations with your existing

515
00:18:16,555 --> 00:18:17,694
partner about,

516
00:18:19,595 --> 00:18:21,275
what you think it's going to look like.

517
00:18:21,275 --> 00:18:22,329
I say what you think it's going to

518
00:18:22,329 --> 00:18:24,409
look like because once you're in it, you're

519
00:18:24,409 --> 00:18:27,129
gonna realize for yourself what it actually will

520
00:18:27,129 --> 00:18:29,129
be like. And sometimes it doesn't match what

521
00:18:29,129 --> 00:18:30,730
you thought. But the more you can start

522
00:18:30,730 --> 00:18:33,849
having these conversations now with an existing partner,

523
00:18:33,849 --> 00:18:36,214
ideally, they will they will be easier to

524
00:18:36,214 --> 00:18:36,714
have

525
00:18:37,015 --> 00:18:38,554
as things come up.

526
00:18:39,575 --> 00:18:41,595
If you are new into nonmonogamy,

527
00:18:42,294 --> 00:18:45,255
please please go learn as much as you

528
00:18:45,255 --> 00:18:45,755
can.

529
00:18:47,255 --> 00:18:47,914
Oh gosh.

530
00:18:48,620 --> 00:18:50,400
Is the account polyphilia?

531
00:18:51,900 --> 00:18:53,820
Poly? I can see it in my head.

532
00:18:53,820 --> 00:18:55,279
The their logo is yellow.

533
00:18:56,380 --> 00:18:58,860
On social media, I'm on Instagram, but I

534
00:18:58,860 --> 00:19:01,035
promise you they're on TikTok. They're on

535
00:19:01,674 --> 00:19:03,055
Blue Sky, they're on wherever.

536
00:19:03,755 --> 00:19:04,494
There are

537
00:19:04,795 --> 00:19:07,275
creators who are poly and who educate on

538
00:19:07,275 --> 00:19:07,775
it.

539
00:19:08,315 --> 00:19:10,654
I would be looking up by like,

540
00:19:12,555 --> 00:19:13,535
what? Hashtags.

541
00:19:14,795 --> 00:19:15,535
Non monogamy,

542
00:19:15,835 --> 00:19:16,654
open relationships,

543
00:19:17,410 --> 00:19:19,410
polyamory, see who's out there talking about it,

544
00:19:19,410 --> 00:19:21,890
and I would try to find resources that

545
00:19:21,890 --> 00:19:23,589
are credible Mhmm.

546
00:19:25,009 --> 00:19:27,650
And learn from them. The credible ones are

547
00:19:27,650 --> 00:19:29,329
the ones who are not blowing smoke up

548
00:19:29,329 --> 00:19:30,769
your ass that this will be the easiest

549
00:19:30,769 --> 00:19:32,230
thing you've ever done. Mhmm.

550
00:19:32,674 --> 00:19:35,875
Those are full of fucking shit probably selling

551
00:19:35,875 --> 00:19:36,535
you something.

552
00:19:37,154 --> 00:19:39,154
The best creators I've seen who talk about

553
00:19:39,154 --> 00:19:39,654
nonmonogamy

554
00:19:40,035 --> 00:19:42,275
will tell you how fucking hard it can

555
00:19:42,275 --> 00:19:44,595
be and how much you're about to learn

556
00:19:44,595 --> 00:19:46,434
about yourself, and they're gonna tell you, hey.

557
00:19:46,434 --> 00:19:48,259
You're about about to feel jealousy or insecurity

558
00:19:48,259 --> 00:19:50,019
or some negative shit you didn't mean to

559
00:19:50,019 --> 00:19:52,019
feel, and that is normal, and here's how

560
00:19:52,019 --> 00:19:53,480
to get through it. So

561
00:19:54,579 --> 00:19:57,460
yeah. While you're looking for additional partners, please

562
00:19:57,460 --> 00:19:59,720
be educating yourself as much as possible.

563
00:20:00,019 --> 00:20:01,365
But Yeah. That's

564
00:20:02,565 --> 00:20:04,644
that's what I would say. There you go.

565
00:20:04,644 --> 00:20:06,404
I do think field is probably not the

566
00:20:06,404 --> 00:20:09,684
only if I'm remembering correct correctly, that field

567
00:20:09,924 --> 00:20:10,964
Yeah. Is,

568
00:20:11,444 --> 00:20:13,605
an I know there used to be a

569
00:20:13,605 --> 00:20:16,190
lot of different There were. And I we

570
00:20:16,190 --> 00:20:18,029
worked with a couple of them and I've

571
00:20:18,029 --> 00:20:19,390
I've not kept up with any of them

572
00:20:19,390 --> 00:20:21,069
anymore. Some of those apps kinda come and

573
00:20:21,069 --> 00:20:23,309
go. So if you are seek you're looking

574
00:20:23,309 --> 00:20:24,049
at apps,

575
00:20:24,990 --> 00:20:26,529
see who's out there. Mhmm.

576
00:20:26,910 --> 00:20:27,410
Okay.

577
00:20:28,430 --> 00:20:30,404
This one, I did not know how to

578
00:20:30,404 --> 00:20:32,325
answer. Okay. Like, I don't have an answer

579
00:20:32,325 --> 00:20:34,325
for this person's question, but I still put

580
00:20:34,325 --> 00:20:35,365
it in because I wanted to be able

581
00:20:35,365 --> 00:20:36,805
to go, I don't have an answer for

582
00:20:36,805 --> 00:20:37,305
you.

583
00:20:37,924 --> 00:20:38,744
Bless you.

584
00:20:40,565 --> 00:20:41,465
Bless you.

585
00:20:43,890 --> 00:20:45,029
Okay. Alright.

586
00:20:45,730 --> 00:20:47,829
It's out of the system. The question is,

587
00:20:48,210 --> 00:20:51,029
do you think the kink community would benefit

588
00:20:51,089 --> 00:20:53,669
from, I think I'm saying it correctly, Reiki

589
00:20:54,210 --> 00:20:57,375
Mhmm. Healing privately and at events. Would the

590
00:20:57,375 --> 00:20:58,115
kink community,

591
00:20:58,815 --> 00:20:59,875
benefit from that?

592
00:21:00,494 --> 00:21:02,755
I'm I'm not quite sure. I've heard

593
00:21:03,214 --> 00:21:03,714
of

594
00:21:04,414 --> 00:21:05,394
I think Reiki?

595
00:21:05,775 --> 00:21:07,214
I've never said it out loud. I've only

596
00:21:07,214 --> 00:21:08,974
ever read it, so I don't know. I

597
00:21:08,974 --> 00:21:11,090
have heard of it, but I am not

598
00:21:11,090 --> 00:21:12,710
familiar with what it is.

599
00:21:15,250 --> 00:21:17,509
I'm gonna be very derivative, and I apologize

600
00:21:17,730 --> 00:21:18,930
for that. But I just want to

601
00:21:19,650 --> 00:21:21,509
this is how it has

602
00:21:22,450 --> 00:21:24,049
people who are not who do not do

603
00:21:24,049 --> 00:21:25,184
it, how they

604
00:21:25,825 --> 00:21:27,684
how I it has been described

605
00:21:28,065 --> 00:21:28,884
in a way

606
00:21:30,144 --> 00:21:31,585
no. I won't do that. I'll do that

607
00:21:31,585 --> 00:21:33,184
off. I'm not gonna I'm not trying to

608
00:21:33,184 --> 00:21:35,045
offend anybody. I'll tell you how

609
00:21:35,904 --> 00:21:38,065
somebody has described it to me. It's kinda

610
00:21:38,065 --> 00:21:38,805
a little pejorative,

611
00:21:39,664 --> 00:21:41,130
so that you would understand what the hell

612
00:21:41,130 --> 00:21:42,890
it is. Here's the reason I put that

613
00:21:42,890 --> 00:21:44,650
in. I don't have a fucking opinion about

614
00:21:44,650 --> 00:21:46,569
that. I don't know anything about it. I've

615
00:21:46,569 --> 00:21:48,809
never participated in it. I don't I don't

616
00:21:48,809 --> 00:21:50,890
have an opinion other than I have a

617
00:21:50,890 --> 00:21:51,789
very loose

618
00:21:52,250 --> 00:21:53,144
idea of what it

619
00:21:53,945 --> 00:21:56,105
looks like from the little bit I might

620
00:21:56,105 --> 00:21:57,964
have accidentally seen online.

621
00:21:58,265 --> 00:22:00,265
What I will tell a person who's thinking

622
00:22:00,265 --> 00:22:01,005
about this

623
00:22:01,464 --> 00:22:01,964
is

624
00:22:04,505 --> 00:22:06,825
offer it to your kink community as a

625
00:22:06,825 --> 00:22:09,170
service or bring somebody in that you know.

626
00:22:09,170 --> 00:22:11,250
Maybe you've benefited from it and you're like,

627
00:22:11,250 --> 00:22:13,330
man, I think kinksters could really use this.

628
00:22:13,330 --> 00:22:13,830
Okay,

629
00:22:14,289 --> 00:22:14,789
so

630
00:22:15,250 --> 00:22:16,789
start talking about it online.

631
00:22:17,330 --> 00:22:19,090
Whether you do it through social media or

632
00:22:19,090 --> 00:22:21,109
a YouTube channel or whatever, a podcast,

633
00:22:21,490 --> 00:22:22,230
start creating

634
00:22:22,724 --> 00:22:24,984
content about why you think it matters.

635
00:22:25,765 --> 00:22:26,565
If you,

636
00:22:27,125 --> 00:22:29,045
are in an area where you have access

637
00:22:29,045 --> 00:22:31,285
to a local community, go talk to the

638
00:22:31,285 --> 00:22:33,444
people who host munches or who who put

639
00:22:33,444 --> 00:22:36,109
together workshops and where and I say put

640
00:22:36,109 --> 00:22:37,869
together, they're usually people who host a workshop

641
00:22:37,869 --> 00:22:39,309
and they'll be like, hey. We brought such

642
00:22:39,309 --> 00:22:42,109
and such person in today, and go suggest

643
00:22:42,109 --> 00:22:43,009
it to them.

644
00:22:43,470 --> 00:22:47,089
Right? If you are attached to anybody or

645
00:22:47,470 --> 00:22:49,150
attached not to a person, but attached to

646
00:22:49,150 --> 00:22:51,924
a community that has community events, parties, there's

647
00:22:51,924 --> 00:22:53,384
a dungeon, there's a something,

648
00:22:54,404 --> 00:22:56,825
go talk to that organizer and go, hey.

649
00:22:57,204 --> 00:22:59,924
I think the community might benefit from this.

650
00:22:59,924 --> 00:23:02,804
This has worked for me or I practice

651
00:23:02,804 --> 00:23:05,799
it or I'm a purse and, you know,

652
00:23:05,859 --> 00:23:08,920
a professional, whatever whatever whatever the terminology is.

653
00:23:11,220 --> 00:23:13,940
Can can we do something? Can we partner

654
00:23:13,940 --> 00:23:16,180
up? Can can I come can I offer

655
00:23:16,180 --> 00:23:16,755
this at

656
00:23:17,234 --> 00:23:19,474
blah blah event? Now when you're talking to

657
00:23:19,474 --> 00:23:21,875
the kink community and you want to sell

658
00:23:21,875 --> 00:23:23,714
the idea that this could be beneficial for

659
00:23:23,954 --> 00:23:26,115
specifically for kinksters, you need to come with

660
00:23:26,115 --> 00:23:26,615
information.

661
00:23:27,394 --> 00:23:29,075
How did it help you? How has it

662
00:23:29,075 --> 00:23:29,894
helped others?

663
00:23:30,275 --> 00:23:31,829
What exactly is it,

664
00:23:32,869 --> 00:23:35,049
and how you think it could be beneficial?

665
00:23:35,349 --> 00:23:36,869
I don't have an opinion on anything I

666
00:23:36,869 --> 00:23:39,049
haven't fucking done and that I don't understand.

667
00:23:41,509 --> 00:23:44,490
But if you feel strongly enough about it,

668
00:23:44,865 --> 00:23:46,085
you need to go

669
00:23:46,464 --> 00:23:48,944
start making connections, talking about it online, talking

670
00:23:48,944 --> 00:23:50,005
to people in person.

671
00:23:50,464 --> 00:23:53,105
And and whatever your connection to it is,

672
00:23:53,105 --> 00:23:54,164
whether you've just,

673
00:23:54,545 --> 00:23:57,345
you know, participated in it and benefited from

674
00:23:57,345 --> 00:23:59,184
it personally or you are a professional and

675
00:23:59,184 --> 00:24:00,565
this is what you do,

676
00:24:01,640 --> 00:24:03,400
that's what you do. I can't tell you

677
00:24:03,400 --> 00:24:05,259
if it's gonna be beneficial or not.

678
00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:08,200
My I don't even have an understanding of

679
00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:09,960
exactly what it is, but I I know

680
00:24:09,960 --> 00:24:10,460
the

681
00:24:11,480 --> 00:24:13,319
the way it is talked about by people

682
00:24:13,319 --> 00:24:14,644
who are not into it,

683
00:24:14,945 --> 00:24:16,625
I would not I would not do much

684
00:24:16,625 --> 00:24:17,904
for me as far as I know. I

685
00:24:17,904 --> 00:24:20,164
wouldn't be interested in it. So

686
00:24:20,625 --> 00:24:21,765
it's not like

687
00:24:22,065 --> 00:24:23,424
then that doesn't mean it's not a good

688
00:24:23,424 --> 00:24:25,505
thing and other people wouldn't be interested in

689
00:24:25,505 --> 00:24:26,005
it.

690
00:24:26,579 --> 00:24:28,419
But that that's the thing. If it's a

691
00:24:28,419 --> 00:24:31,460
thing you like, it's made something about your

692
00:24:31,460 --> 00:24:32,839
kink life better,

693
00:24:33,460 --> 00:24:33,960
then

694
00:24:34,419 --> 00:24:36,500
start telling the the world about it. And

695
00:24:36,500 --> 00:24:38,900
then maybe other people will find the same

696
00:24:38,900 --> 00:24:39,880
thing to be true.

697
00:24:42,315 --> 00:24:43,835
Yeah. I'm not gonna make a joke about

698
00:24:43,835 --> 00:24:45,934
somebody's, like, practice, but I do.

699
00:24:46,634 --> 00:24:48,714
I I do. I I do know the

700
00:24:48,714 --> 00:24:50,815
descriptions that have been used about it. Okay.

701
00:24:51,994 --> 00:24:52,494
Okay.

702
00:24:53,195 --> 00:24:53,695
Okay.

703
00:24:55,674 --> 00:24:56,880
This isn't a question,

704
00:24:57,339 --> 00:24:58,859
but I felt like this person was trying

705
00:24:58,859 --> 00:25:00,299
to shout into the void and I wanted

706
00:25:00,299 --> 00:25:01,759
them to know they were not alone.

707
00:25:04,380 --> 00:25:06,559
I'm struggling to find good BDSM

708
00:25:07,500 --> 00:25:08,720
dom sub books,

709
00:25:09,045 --> 00:25:11,305
actual realistic ones with plot.

710
00:25:11,924 --> 00:25:12,424
Same.

711
00:25:13,045 --> 00:25:13,545
Same.

712
00:25:14,164 --> 00:25:14,664
Same.

713
00:25:16,725 --> 00:25:18,184
I do still have

714
00:25:19,605 --> 00:25:21,924
a one series that is still my all

715
00:25:21,924 --> 00:25:23,144
time favorite series.

716
00:25:23,849 --> 00:25:26,410
I read it twice because the final book

717
00:25:26,410 --> 00:25:27,529
took forever to come out. And I was

718
00:25:27,529 --> 00:25:29,049
like, I don't I remember the first two

719
00:25:29,049 --> 00:25:30,269
books, but I don't remember.

720
00:25:30,890 --> 00:25:33,710
And it's, the series is Brutes

721
00:25:34,009 --> 00:25:35,069
of Bristlebrook.

722
00:25:36,154 --> 00:25:39,274
The author is Rebecca Quinn. I believe I'm

723
00:25:39,274 --> 00:25:40,714
on I'm right on that. I'd have to

724
00:25:40,714 --> 00:25:41,615
go look it up.

725
00:25:43,835 --> 00:25:46,894
That was some of the best power exchange

726
00:25:47,914 --> 00:25:48,734
I've read

727
00:25:49,759 --> 00:25:51,759
ever. Now I know they're not the only

728
00:25:51,759 --> 00:25:53,059
ones out there.

729
00:25:54,399 --> 00:25:56,640
I've tried to read some authors like there's

730
00:25:56,640 --> 00:25:58,079
an author whose name I cannot think of

731
00:25:58,079 --> 00:26:01,605
right now. They write a lot of daddy

732
00:26:01,605 --> 00:26:02,664
dom little,

733
00:26:04,484 --> 00:26:08,005
books. They do cowboys and they do motorcycle

734
00:26:08,005 --> 00:26:10,025
clubs and I think something else.

735
00:26:10,964 --> 00:26:11,464
And

736
00:26:13,429 --> 00:26:15,369
it was not poorly written.

737
00:26:15,750 --> 00:26:17,429
Those were I wish I could think of

738
00:26:17,429 --> 00:26:18,390
the author's name.

739
00:26:21,190 --> 00:26:22,710
I'll my I'll have to go grab my

740
00:26:22,710 --> 00:26:24,490
phone and see if I can find them.

741
00:26:26,390 --> 00:26:28,934
They those are not poorly written. It's just

742
00:26:29,735 --> 00:26:31,335
the one it was one of those times

743
00:26:31,335 --> 00:26:33,434
the formula used for the series.

744
00:26:34,535 --> 00:26:36,855
I was done with it. I really like

745
00:26:36,855 --> 00:26:37,355
when

746
00:26:37,894 --> 00:26:40,055
in a series we're talking like, especially it's

747
00:26:40,055 --> 00:26:41,250
in in series. We've got

748
00:26:46,130 --> 00:26:47,190
kink varies. Right?

749
00:26:47,890 --> 00:26:48,869
The type of,

750
00:26:49,569 --> 00:26:50,069
partnerships

751
00:26:50,450 --> 00:26:52,529
and or the the kinks that get used

752
00:26:52,529 --> 00:26:53,744
or the types of power exchange

753
00:26:54,944 --> 00:26:57,345
dynamics. I like when there's variety and some

754
00:26:57,345 --> 00:26:57,984
of the authors I found who've been very

755
00:26:57,984 --> 00:26:58,484
good

756
00:26:58,785 --> 00:27:00,085
only write about a

757
00:27:01,105 --> 00:27:01,605
singular

758
00:27:02,224 --> 00:27:02,724
type.

759
00:27:03,105 --> 00:27:05,025
And I'm like, okay that was fun the

760
00:27:05,025 --> 00:27:06,464
first time, even though there were some kinks

761
00:27:06,464 --> 00:27:08,144
in it that were not my kinks. By

762
00:27:08,144 --> 00:27:09,809
the eighth time I'm done. I don't want

763
00:27:09,809 --> 00:27:11,450
to do this anymore. Let me go grab

764
00:27:11,569 --> 00:27:13,169
because I'm thinking of an author right now

765
00:27:13,169 --> 00:27:15,490
that it was really good power exchange, and

766
00:27:15,490 --> 00:27:17,589
it wasn't all supernaturally. Hold that.

767
00:27:18,849 --> 00:27:20,309
Oh my god. I'm so hot.

768
00:27:20,849 --> 00:27:22,210
It is it is a little warm in

769
00:27:22,210 --> 00:27:23,029
here. Yes.

770
00:27:23,890 --> 00:27:26,085
At some point, I should probably

771
00:27:26,865 --> 00:27:27,605
put together

772
00:27:28,544 --> 00:27:30,704
a list of kink books that I have

773
00:27:30,784 --> 00:27:32,704
or kink authors you read about kink that

774
00:27:32,704 --> 00:27:33,525
I have enjoyed.

775
00:27:36,304 --> 00:27:38,144
That's Wait. You don't have that yet? I

776
00:27:38,144 --> 00:27:40,450
do not have that yet. Oh my god.

777
00:27:40,450 --> 00:27:41,750
No. I don't actually.

778
00:27:43,169 --> 00:27:43,730
Is it

779
00:27:44,210 --> 00:27:46,609
no. It's not that one. Oh, that one.

780
00:27:46,609 --> 00:27:49,190
Okay. There's this series. Oh, this author,

781
00:27:50,609 --> 00:27:53,649
KiKi Clark, k I k I, KiKi Clark,

782
00:27:55,825 --> 00:27:56,325
has

783
00:27:56,865 --> 00:27:59,045
a series called Leather and Chrome.

784
00:28:01,025 --> 00:28:01,525
It's,

785
00:28:02,945 --> 00:28:03,765
gay romance.

786
00:28:04,785 --> 00:28:06,465
A lot of it is very power exchange

787
00:28:06,465 --> 00:28:08,465
y and kinky just in general. Oh, now

788
00:28:08,465 --> 00:28:09,505
it looks like I tried to read it

789
00:28:09,505 --> 00:28:11,125
and I was not trying to read it.

790
00:28:12,569 --> 00:28:13,690
Who else have I got? I thought I

791
00:28:13,690 --> 00:28:14,829
had somebody else.

792
00:28:16,009 --> 00:28:17,849
Who I really do need to, like, just

793
00:28:17,849 --> 00:28:19,630
put together a damn, like,

794
00:28:20,569 --> 00:28:22,329
here's who I've read, who's here's who I've

795
00:28:22,329 --> 00:28:24,589
liked. Had had something come up in

796
00:28:24,904 --> 00:28:27,484
chat. Sure. Alexi Bunn said,

797
00:28:27,784 --> 00:28:30,744
also, can we recommend your own books, Kayla?

798
00:28:30,744 --> 00:28:31,944
I love them when I read them a

799
00:28:31,944 --> 00:28:34,345
few years ago. Oh, thank you. I do

800
00:28:34,345 --> 00:28:36,204
not recommend my own books

801
00:28:36,505 --> 00:28:37,005
because,

802
00:28:37,384 --> 00:28:39,244
those were not professionally edited.

803
00:28:42,750 --> 00:28:45,230
I enjoyed writing them. Oh, man. Yeah. I

804
00:28:45,230 --> 00:28:46,990
should really put together like a list of

805
00:28:46,990 --> 00:28:49,390
authors I've personally read. Another place to get

806
00:28:49,390 --> 00:28:50,210
great recommendations

807
00:28:50,509 --> 00:28:53,150
is from Rara of the Pink, Pink podcast.

808
00:28:53,150 --> 00:28:55,055
She reads a lot of kink books,

809
00:28:55,515 --> 00:28:57,055
has been a book reviewer for

810
00:28:57,674 --> 00:28:58,174
ages,

811
00:28:59,035 --> 00:29:00,795
and usually has some really good,

812
00:29:01,115 --> 00:29:01,615
recommendations.

813
00:29:01,994 --> 00:29:04,715
So Princess Rara on social media, Pink King

814
00:29:04,715 --> 00:29:06,315
podcast, whichever one. If you reach out and

815
00:29:06,315 --> 00:29:08,475
go, hey, Rara, can you recommend some books

816
00:29:08,475 --> 00:29:08,910
or some

817
00:29:09,470 --> 00:29:11,410
authors? She can do that. Yeah.

818
00:29:11,710 --> 00:29:12,990
And I and I can't help with this

819
00:29:12,990 --> 00:29:14,289
because I don't read

820
00:29:15,630 --> 00:29:18,590
anything that BDSM related anymore. Do you know

821
00:29:18,590 --> 00:29:20,190
for all and I read a lot because

822
00:29:20,190 --> 00:29:22,750
it's my coping mechanism while the the, you

823
00:29:22,750 --> 00:29:24,865
know, world's on fire right now.

824
00:29:27,025 --> 00:29:30,384
I read very little kink. I will go

825
00:29:30,384 --> 00:29:32,704
looking specifically for kink books from time to

826
00:29:32,704 --> 00:29:34,704
time. Or if I happen to come across

827
00:29:34,704 --> 00:29:36,545
a thing where, like, Rara has recommended an

828
00:29:36,545 --> 00:29:38,144
author or something, I don't seek it out

829
00:29:38,144 --> 00:29:40,140
but it just, like, comes across.

830
00:29:40,839 --> 00:29:42,220
You know, I will read them.

831
00:29:42,599 --> 00:29:43,980
But I've been so disappointed

832
00:29:44,839 --> 00:29:46,440
in some of what I could find. I'm

833
00:29:46,440 --> 00:29:46,940
sorry.

834
00:29:47,240 --> 00:29:47,740
Or

835
00:29:48,519 --> 00:29:49,980
this is the hardest part.

836
00:29:50,759 --> 00:29:52,785
There are authors who'll go, oh, it's light

837
00:29:53,025 --> 00:29:53,525
BDSM.

838
00:29:53,984 --> 00:29:55,605
It's dumb sub

839
00:29:56,465 --> 00:29:56,965
vibes.

840
00:29:57,664 --> 00:29:58,565
And I'm like,

841
00:29:59,424 --> 00:30:00,404
no. It's not.

842
00:30:02,144 --> 00:30:04,085
That the male partner smacked

843
00:30:04,705 --> 00:30:07,025
her ass, like, once and called her good

844
00:30:07,025 --> 00:30:09,880
girl, like, 87 times. Like, by the eighty

845
00:30:09,880 --> 00:30:12,279
seventh good girl. It does not pack the

846
00:30:12,279 --> 00:30:14,539
punch that it once did. Right? Yeah.

847
00:30:15,000 --> 00:30:17,079
So I've been disappointed there. But also, I'm

848
00:30:17,079 --> 00:30:20,599
currently in a I I mostly only wanna

849
00:30:20,599 --> 00:30:22,700
read Why Chews. Like, that's just Mhmm.

850
00:30:23,215 --> 00:30:26,335
And I don't usually love contemporary Why Choose.

851
00:30:26,335 --> 00:30:28,275
I want it to be a little fantastical

852
00:30:28,494 --> 00:30:29,555
or whatever whatever.

853
00:30:30,735 --> 00:30:31,795
And there,

854
00:30:32,335 --> 00:30:33,315
to my knowledge,

855
00:30:34,174 --> 00:30:35,934
do not seem to be a lot of

856
00:30:35,934 --> 00:30:36,434
authors

857
00:30:36,735 --> 00:30:38,595
other than, like, a Rebecca Quinn,

858
00:30:39,380 --> 00:30:40,200
who write

859
00:30:40,500 --> 00:30:44,019
really good Why Chews. Keke Clark is probably

860
00:30:44,019 --> 00:30:44,919
up there too.

861
00:30:46,980 --> 00:30:48,740
Even though I would say Rebecca Quinn is

862
00:30:48,740 --> 00:30:49,240
better,

863
00:30:49,779 --> 00:30:50,919
from that perspective.

864
00:30:51,785 --> 00:30:54,024
Keke Clark's just a good auth author. But,

865
00:30:54,505 --> 00:30:56,345
they don't seem to write a lot of

866
00:30:56,345 --> 00:30:58,684
why choose but hear also some kink dynamics.

867
00:30:58,825 --> 00:30:59,325
Mhmm.

868
00:31:00,105 --> 00:31:01,865
And if they're out there, I just literally

869
00:31:01,865 --> 00:31:03,865
have not found them. I've not come across

870
00:31:03,865 --> 00:31:04,365
them.

871
00:31:05,704 --> 00:31:07,089
But yeah. Like, I just

872
00:31:07,950 --> 00:31:09,950
I don't right now. I'm I'm very much

873
00:31:09,950 --> 00:31:12,029
a mood reader. If it's not if I'm

874
00:31:12,029 --> 00:31:13,549
not vibing with it, I just can't read

875
00:31:13,549 --> 00:31:15,630
it. So I'm not doing a lot of,

876
00:31:15,630 --> 00:31:17,250
like, male, female,

877
00:31:17,710 --> 00:31:20,744
typical, air quote, that typical romance. That's also

878
00:31:20,744 --> 00:31:23,305
kinky. I'm just like, well, that's not interesting

879
00:31:23,305 --> 00:31:25,545
to me. Like, can can there be somebody

880
00:31:25,545 --> 00:31:27,464
else or can we do this differently or,

881
00:31:27,464 --> 00:31:28,904
like, just do it?

882
00:31:29,705 --> 00:31:30,205
So

883
00:31:31,785 --> 00:31:33,420
but, yeah, one day I probably should try

884
00:31:33,500 --> 00:31:36,059
to I not by memory, just through my

885
00:31:36,059 --> 00:31:37,039
Fable app.

886
00:31:37,580 --> 00:31:39,019
Go through what I've read and see if

887
00:31:39,019 --> 00:31:39,920
I can pull

888
00:31:40,460 --> 00:31:43,100
out some names of, some books or some

889
00:31:43,100 --> 00:31:44,400
authors I've really enjoyed.

890
00:31:48,964 --> 00:31:49,464
Okay.

891
00:31:53,684 --> 00:31:54,585
Here's one.

892
00:31:55,204 --> 00:31:57,544
First time pegger tips.

893
00:31:58,005 --> 00:31:59,524
I do not know if they were asking

894
00:31:59,524 --> 00:32:00,424
as the pegger

895
00:32:00,839 --> 00:32:01,579
Or the peggy.

896
00:32:02,039 --> 00:32:04,380
Yeah. Well, then I'm just gonna give some,

897
00:32:04,519 --> 00:32:05,259
you know,

898
00:32:07,160 --> 00:32:07,980
go slow.

899
00:32:08,440 --> 00:32:10,440
Just like with anything else, don't just jump

900
00:32:10,440 --> 00:32:12,619
in and lots of lube.

901
00:32:13,400 --> 00:32:15,974
And if we're talking about pegging with, like,

902
00:32:16,054 --> 00:32:18,934
the stereotypical pegging of dildo pegging Mhmm. Not

903
00:32:18,934 --> 00:32:19,914
just anal sex,

904
00:32:20,214 --> 00:32:21,974
start with a small dildo. Yeah. Start with

905
00:32:21,974 --> 00:32:24,134
something hell. You know yeah. Start with fingers

906
00:32:24,134 --> 00:32:26,634
before we even get into silicone. Like,

907
00:32:27,174 --> 00:32:29,335
start small. Start small. Start small. Start small.

908
00:32:29,335 --> 00:32:31,174
If you've never had anything up your ass,

909
00:32:31,174 --> 00:32:32,750
no matter how much you may or may

910
00:32:32,750 --> 00:32:34,289
not end up enjoying it,

911
00:32:34,589 --> 00:32:37,230
that's a weird feeling the first time. And

912
00:32:37,230 --> 00:32:39,649
people don't talk about how that's a weird

913
00:32:39,869 --> 00:32:41,809
feeling the first time.

914
00:32:44,429 --> 00:32:47,169
First time I experienced anal, I was like,

915
00:32:47,455 --> 00:32:49,855
I didn't it it made sense the moment

916
00:32:49,855 --> 00:32:51,375
I felt it. The moment I felt it,

917
00:32:51,375 --> 00:32:52,654
it made sense, but I was like, I

918
00:32:52,654 --> 00:32:54,095
did not know this felt like taking a

919
00:32:54,095 --> 00:32:54,914
shit in reverse.

920
00:32:55,535 --> 00:32:57,535
It made once I once I had that

921
00:32:57,535 --> 00:32:58,894
moment, I was like, no. Of course. Of

922
00:32:58,894 --> 00:33:00,414
course. That's what it would probably feel like

923
00:33:00,414 --> 00:33:00,654
because

924
00:33:04,190 --> 00:33:06,289
but that for me was unsettling.

925
00:33:06,909 --> 00:33:09,149
It's like, I I don't that I don't

926
00:33:09,149 --> 00:33:09,889
want that

927
00:33:10,190 --> 00:33:10,690
feeling.

928
00:33:12,669 --> 00:33:15,149
So just if you've if you've never had

929
00:33:15,149 --> 00:33:16,595
anything up there, just

930
00:33:16,974 --> 00:33:19,375
be prepared for any amount of, oh, I

931
00:33:19,375 --> 00:33:20,494
did not know that's what it would feel

932
00:33:20,494 --> 00:33:21,694
like, but that's what I'm telling you. That's

933
00:33:21,694 --> 00:33:22,595
what it feels like.

934
00:33:24,255 --> 00:33:26,194
But, yeah, it's always a go slow.

935
00:33:26,815 --> 00:33:28,680
You do not have to take the biggest

936
00:33:28,759 --> 00:33:30,840
fucking dildo on the first try. That is

937
00:33:30,840 --> 00:33:32,759
how you get hurt. Yeah. People there are

938
00:33:32,759 --> 00:33:34,119
people who work up to shit like that,

939
00:33:34,119 --> 00:33:36,279
and that's cool. That's great. I love that

940
00:33:36,279 --> 00:33:37,259
for you. Mhmm.

941
00:33:37,640 --> 00:33:39,420
If we're talking from the pegger

942
00:33:39,799 --> 00:33:42,464
standpoint, I've never pegged anybody, never worn a

943
00:33:42,464 --> 00:33:44,144
a strap on. It's not something that I'm

944
00:33:44,144 --> 00:33:46,865
really interested in. Right. So I've never thrust

945
00:33:46,865 --> 00:33:49,845
into anybody, but you have thrust into people.

946
00:33:50,224 --> 00:33:52,464
Are there any tips you would give a

947
00:33:52,464 --> 00:33:53,525
first time thruster?

948
00:33:55,279 --> 00:33:56,740
Maybe do some core work.

949
00:33:57,039 --> 00:33:58,579
Some core work. Yeah. You know,

950
00:33:59,279 --> 00:34:00,079
core and,

951
00:34:00,480 --> 00:34:01,859
probably some legs.

952
00:34:03,519 --> 00:34:05,200
Mhmm. A a thing that I am learning

953
00:34:05,200 --> 00:34:06,880
mostly from the gay romance that I've been

954
00:34:06,880 --> 00:34:08,719
reading, not from anywhere else, so take this

955
00:34:08,719 --> 00:34:09,859
with a grain of salt.

956
00:34:10,474 --> 00:34:12,795
But I'm I'm seeing a lot of we

957
00:34:12,795 --> 00:34:14,635
always think of sort of doggy position as,

958
00:34:14,635 --> 00:34:15,135
like,

959
00:34:15,515 --> 00:34:17,994
the anal position, but it doesn't have to

960
00:34:17,994 --> 00:34:19,914
be. You could be missionary. You could be

961
00:34:19,914 --> 00:34:22,474
on your back, pull those knees back, spread

962
00:34:22,474 --> 00:34:22,800
it.

963
00:34:23,360 --> 00:34:25,039
For those of us who just never thought

964
00:34:25,039 --> 00:34:26,239
about it because it was never a thing

965
00:34:26,239 --> 00:34:27,599
we had to think about, I was like,

966
00:34:27,599 --> 00:34:29,380
oh, that oh, okay. Okay.

967
00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:31,619
Okay. So that I'm telling

968
00:34:31,920 --> 00:34:33,360
those who are like me who never would

969
00:34:33,360 --> 00:34:34,719
have thought about it because you didn't need

970
00:34:34,719 --> 00:34:36,559
to know that information, and it just wouldn't

971
00:34:36,559 --> 00:34:38,364
have occurred to you. Yeah. That one's for

972
00:34:38,364 --> 00:34:38,864
y'all.

973
00:34:39,244 --> 00:34:41,244
The folk who've been doing it already already

974
00:34:41,244 --> 00:34:42,144
damn well knew.

975
00:34:42,684 --> 00:34:44,065
And and and relax.

976
00:34:45,405 --> 00:34:46,765
To the best of your ability. Yeah. To

977
00:34:46,765 --> 00:34:47,825
the best of your abilities,

978
00:34:49,244 --> 00:34:49,744
relax.

979
00:34:50,605 --> 00:34:52,269
On the lube thing, thing, we used to

980
00:34:52,269 --> 00:34:53,469
say this a lot when we talked about

981
00:34:53,469 --> 00:34:55,069
all kinds of stuff with lube. Mhmm. But

982
00:34:55,069 --> 00:34:55,650
it was

983
00:34:56,109 --> 00:34:56,609
use

984
00:34:57,469 --> 00:34:58,449
a lot of lube

985
00:34:58,829 --> 00:35:01,469
Mhmm. And then put some more on it.

986
00:35:01,469 --> 00:35:04,190
Those first times until you know yourself, until

987
00:35:04,190 --> 00:35:06,824
you're comfortable, until whatever like,

988
00:35:07,304 --> 00:35:08,125
if you

989
00:35:08,505 --> 00:35:09,885
are slipping and sliding

990
00:35:10,585 --> 00:35:11,405
on the bed,

991
00:35:12,744 --> 00:35:14,744
I know it probably feels like excessive lube,

992
00:35:14,744 --> 00:35:15,964
but I promise you

993
00:35:16,505 --> 00:35:18,664
Mhmm. It's probably the right amount of lube.

994
00:35:18,664 --> 00:35:19,885
It should I mean,

995
00:35:20,184 --> 00:35:22,284
it should be like, are we sure?

996
00:35:22,650 --> 00:35:24,409
Are we sure this is how much we

997
00:35:24,409 --> 00:35:26,969
should have? For those first few times, yeah.

998
00:35:26,969 --> 00:35:29,130
Yeah. The more the better. The more the

999
00:35:29,130 --> 00:35:29,630
better.

1000
00:35:29,929 --> 00:35:30,989
The more the better.

1001
00:35:31,609 --> 00:35:33,449
As you get more experience, you can find

1002
00:35:33,449 --> 00:35:36,010
your preferred amount of lube. But those early

1003
00:35:36,010 --> 00:35:36,510
days,

1004
00:35:37,715 --> 00:35:38,695
they are the better.

1005
00:35:40,594 --> 00:35:41,094
Okay.

1006
00:35:48,034 --> 00:35:51,110
Okay. How to vet teachers when looking for

1007
00:35:51,110 --> 00:35:51,610
kink

1008
00:35:52,950 --> 00:35:53,450
classes?

1009
00:35:54,789 --> 00:35:56,630
I think the best way probably to do

1010
00:35:56,630 --> 00:35:58,890
that would be to speak with past,

1011
00:36:02,230 --> 00:36:02,730
Attendees?

1012
00:36:03,429 --> 00:36:04,969
Either attendees or,

1013
00:36:05,694 --> 00:36:07,614
geez, I can't think of the Organizers? The

1014
00:36:07,614 --> 00:36:09,454
hosts. Yeah. The organizers. Thank you. Yeah. It

1015
00:36:09,454 --> 00:36:10,974
depends on are you looking to see is

1016
00:36:10,974 --> 00:36:12,255
this a class I wanna go to? Will

1017
00:36:12,255 --> 00:36:13,534
they know what the hell they're talking about?

1018
00:36:13,534 --> 00:36:14,974
Or I would like to bring a person

1019
00:36:14,974 --> 00:36:16,355
in for my own community.

1020
00:36:16,974 --> 00:36:19,074
The other thing is a lot, not all,

1021
00:36:19,214 --> 00:36:20,594
but a lot of,

1022
00:36:21,599 --> 00:36:22,099
educators,

1023
00:36:22,639 --> 00:36:23,779
whether they are demoing

1024
00:36:24,079 --> 00:36:27,059
kink skills or they are talking about concepts,

1025
00:36:27,599 --> 00:36:30,239
they're gonna have, like, a lot of fucking

1026
00:36:30,239 --> 00:36:31,380
content out there.

1027
00:36:31,760 --> 00:36:33,359
You're gonna you should be able to find

1028
00:36:33,359 --> 00:36:34,339
them online,

1029
00:36:36,324 --> 00:36:36,824
and,

1030
00:36:38,485 --> 00:36:40,885
take consume their content. Listen to their podcast,

1031
00:36:40,885 --> 00:36:42,644
watch their videos, read their book, or at

1032
00:36:42,644 --> 00:36:44,105
least excerpts of their book.

1033
00:36:44,804 --> 00:36:46,324
That will let you that will give you

1034
00:36:46,324 --> 00:36:48,005
an idea of do I think this person

1035
00:36:48,005 --> 00:36:49,224
is peddling bullshit.

1036
00:36:49,525 --> 00:36:50,025
Okay?

1037
00:36:50,750 --> 00:36:51,969
If they're a demonstrator,

1038
00:36:52,349 --> 00:36:54,989
they typically will have some kind of content

1039
00:36:54,989 --> 00:36:57,730
either on FetLife or maybe on, you know,

1040
00:36:58,349 --> 00:36:59,170
non kink

1041
00:36:59,630 --> 00:37:01,730
social media platforms of them

1042
00:37:02,269 --> 00:37:04,269
showing what they can do. If they have

1043
00:37:04,269 --> 00:37:05,650
that, consume that content.

1044
00:37:07,335 --> 00:37:09,574
I know a lot of educators will often

1045
00:37:09,574 --> 00:37:11,994
have somewhere, like, on a website or on

1046
00:37:12,454 --> 00:37:15,434
FetLife, like, places they have done classes,

1047
00:37:15,974 --> 00:37:18,394
events they've been invited to. Mhmm.

1048
00:37:19,369 --> 00:37:21,610
Track those down. Right. Reach out and go,

1049
00:37:21,610 --> 00:37:23,690
what was your experience like with this person?

1050
00:37:23,690 --> 00:37:26,329
Mhmm. That is probably more helpful for,

1051
00:37:26,809 --> 00:37:29,130
somebody inviting somebody in. Right. And a lot

1052
00:37:29,130 --> 00:37:31,469
of times too with that, you will see

1053
00:37:31,545 --> 00:37:33,464
other people, you know, talking about, oh, I

1054
00:37:33,464 --> 00:37:34,744
had a great time. This was a great

1055
00:37:34,744 --> 00:37:37,065
class or or, you know Mhmm. How they

1056
00:37:37,304 --> 00:37:37,804
Mhmm.

1057
00:37:38,105 --> 00:37:38,605
Yeah.

1058
00:37:39,065 --> 00:37:40,264
A 100%. Like, just

1059
00:37:41,704 --> 00:37:43,065
you maybe don't vet them the way you

1060
00:37:43,065 --> 00:37:44,344
do a partner, but you vet them. You

1061
00:37:44,344 --> 00:37:45,704
know, go see what the hell they're putting

1062
00:37:45,704 --> 00:37:46,019
out

1063
00:37:47,380 --> 00:37:49,860
there, do a search on whatever social media

1064
00:37:49,860 --> 00:37:51,940
platform for their name or other people talking

1065
00:37:51,940 --> 00:37:54,340
about them. And what are they saying when

1066
00:37:54,340 --> 00:37:55,079
they do?

1067
00:37:56,739 --> 00:37:59,400
But, yeah, the question is a little imprecise

1068
00:37:59,460 --> 00:38:00,360
because it's like,

1069
00:38:01,140 --> 00:38:01,640
which

1070
00:38:02,075 --> 00:38:04,095
direction are you coming at it from? Right?

1071
00:38:04,474 --> 00:38:06,474
If you're going to a class, do the

1072
00:38:06,474 --> 00:38:08,474
search of is anybody's talking about them in

1073
00:38:08,474 --> 00:38:09,535
a negative way,

1074
00:38:10,155 --> 00:38:11,755
and go check out their content and go,

1075
00:38:11,755 --> 00:38:13,195
do I feel like this person is blowing

1076
00:38:13,195 --> 00:38:14,255
smoke up my ass?

1077
00:38:14,555 --> 00:38:16,409
You're probably fine most of the time.

1078
00:38:16,969 --> 00:38:19,130
But to invite somebody to your own event,

1079
00:38:19,130 --> 00:38:19,630
yeah,

1080
00:38:19,929 --> 00:38:22,909
dig deep. Yeah. Definitely talk to fellow organizers

1081
00:38:23,289 --> 00:38:24,750
and ask questions because

1082
00:38:25,289 --> 00:38:28,170
they somebody can be fucking brilliant and know

1083
00:38:28,170 --> 00:38:30,489
exactly what they're talking about or doing in

1084
00:38:30,489 --> 00:38:31,230
kink and

1085
00:38:31,805 --> 00:38:34,845
be a fucking menace who should not be

1086
00:38:34,845 --> 00:38:37,885
allowed around people. In the chat, Katie Rose

1087
00:38:37,885 --> 00:38:39,325
brought up a good thing. Read the negative

1088
00:38:39,325 --> 00:38:41,085
reviews as well as the positive ones. Yes.

1089
00:38:41,085 --> 00:38:43,244
And that and that's very important. And not

1090
00:38:43,244 --> 00:38:44,785
only read the the

1091
00:38:45,085 --> 00:38:48,259
negative reviews, see if anything was how how

1092
00:38:48,259 --> 00:38:50,119
it was handled. Mhmm.

1093
00:38:50,420 --> 00:38:50,920
Mhmm.

1094
00:38:51,300 --> 00:38:52,199
And, you know,

1095
00:38:52,980 --> 00:38:54,199
we all have our own

1096
00:38:55,219 --> 00:38:57,480
sense of what we can tolerate for somebody

1097
00:38:57,619 --> 00:38:59,619
or how much we will forgive somebody. People

1098
00:38:59,619 --> 00:39:01,239
can make mistakes and,

1099
00:39:01,674 --> 00:39:02,815
you know, for me,

1100
00:39:03,275 --> 00:39:04,795
if I'm host let's pretend I'm hosting an

1101
00:39:04,795 --> 00:39:06,654
event, and I gotta bring people in.

1102
00:39:07,275 --> 00:39:07,775
If

1103
00:39:08,234 --> 00:39:11,914
I see your name come up more than

1104
00:39:11,914 --> 00:39:12,654
one time

1105
00:39:13,034 --> 00:39:15,034
in a negative way, like separate events, I

1106
00:39:15,034 --> 00:39:16,920
mean, you're not coming to my fucking event.

1107
00:39:17,079 --> 00:39:19,079
I don't care how many times you apologize,

1108
00:39:19,079 --> 00:39:20,440
how many classes you went to, and how

1109
00:39:20,440 --> 00:39:22,299
many people vouch for you.

1110
00:39:23,000 --> 00:39:24,059
A single time?

1111
00:39:25,960 --> 00:39:28,460
I don't know. I'm a be, like, digging

1112
00:39:28,519 --> 00:39:29,980
fucking deep because

1113
00:39:30,440 --> 00:39:31,260
was it

1114
00:39:33,204 --> 00:39:33,864
a misunderstanding

1115
00:39:34,405 --> 00:39:36,964
human error, or was this just the one

1116
00:39:36,964 --> 00:39:39,764
fucking time you got caught? Right? Like, the

1117
00:39:39,764 --> 00:39:42,405
the trust factor Mhmm. Of and that still

1118
00:39:42,405 --> 00:39:44,984
is not foolproof. Like, people can, like,

1119
00:39:45,284 --> 00:39:46,905
go under the radar for

1120
00:39:48,880 --> 00:39:51,599
decades before something comes to the surface and

1121
00:39:51,599 --> 00:39:52,900
more people know about it.

1122
00:39:53,920 --> 00:39:56,880
But yeah. Like, that's my tolerance for that

1123
00:39:56,880 --> 00:39:58,320
kind of thing is gonna be very fucking

1124
00:39:58,320 --> 00:40:00,079
low. Nobody I don't want people to come

1125
00:40:00,079 --> 00:40:01,840
into my house, let alone go, hey. I'm

1126
00:40:01,840 --> 00:40:03,894
gonna invite all these kinksters who believe I

1127
00:40:03,894 --> 00:40:05,194
know what the fuck I'm doing.

1128
00:40:05,815 --> 00:40:08,295
Oops. I accidentally let in a predator? Like,

1129
00:40:08,295 --> 00:40:10,614
fuck that shit. Fuck that shit. No. No.

1130
00:40:10,614 --> 00:40:11,114
No.

1131
00:40:11,574 --> 00:40:12,795
So I'm just saying.

1132
00:40:14,534 --> 00:40:15,034
Okay.

1133
00:40:15,414 --> 00:40:16,775
I don't know how helpful any of this

1134
00:40:16,775 --> 00:40:18,489
is, but I am having a good time

1135
00:40:18,869 --> 00:40:20,089
even though

1136
00:40:20,549 --> 00:40:23,429
I still feel a little grouchy. Mhmm. Sorry

1137
00:40:23,429 --> 00:40:25,909
about that, y'all. Okay, Oscar. The the last

1138
00:40:25,909 --> 00:40:27,449
question from Instagram.

1139
00:40:28,230 --> 00:40:30,069
And part of this, I don't think either

1140
00:40:30,069 --> 00:40:32,664
of us can answer. No. I But that's

1141
00:40:32,664 --> 00:40:34,605
okay. We're not meant to answer all questions.

1142
00:40:35,704 --> 00:40:37,164
How to internally

1143
00:40:37,945 --> 00:40:38,445
deshame

1144
00:40:39,065 --> 00:40:39,565
dark

1145
00:40:39,945 --> 00:40:41,005
consensual nonconsent

1146
00:40:41,304 --> 00:40:41,804
desires

1147
00:40:42,425 --> 00:40:44,284
as a sexual assault survivor

1148
00:40:44,984 --> 00:40:47,690
and share those desires with my daddy, Tom.

1149
00:40:50,949 --> 00:40:52,389
Yeah. I I do not think I am

1150
00:40:52,389 --> 00:40:54,329
in any way, shape, or form. Way qualified.

1151
00:40:54,389 --> 00:40:55,829
No. What I can tell you if you

1152
00:40:55,829 --> 00:40:57,670
do not already have this kind of person

1153
00:40:57,670 --> 00:40:59,670
in your life is I would beg you

1154
00:40:59,670 --> 00:41:01,815
to seek out a Kinko ware therapist. Yeah.

1155
00:41:04,135 --> 00:41:06,054
Because you might be you might have a

1156
00:41:06,054 --> 00:41:08,554
therapist that's helped you through maybe, you know,

1157
00:41:08,775 --> 00:41:11,255
surviving the sexual assault. Maybe it's something else.

1158
00:41:11,255 --> 00:41:13,014
Maybe it's whatever. But if they don't know

1159
00:41:13,014 --> 00:41:14,694
anything about kink and you start trying to

1160
00:41:14,694 --> 00:41:16,340
talk about dark CNC

1161
00:41:17,200 --> 00:41:17,700
desires,

1162
00:41:18,640 --> 00:41:20,480
I hope they handle it well, but they

1163
00:41:20,480 --> 00:41:22,480
might not. If you can find a kink

1164
00:41:22,480 --> 00:41:23,539
aware therapist

1165
00:41:23,920 --> 00:41:24,579
who will

1166
00:41:25,519 --> 00:41:27,059
work with you on

1167
00:41:27,954 --> 00:41:30,034
the feelings you have, how to communicate them,

1168
00:41:30,034 --> 00:41:30,775
how to

1169
00:41:31,394 --> 00:41:33,714
how to, you know, not feel shame about

1170
00:41:33,714 --> 00:41:34,454
your own

1171
00:41:34,835 --> 00:41:35,335
desires

1172
00:41:35,714 --> 00:41:38,114
because the stuff we desire on the inside,

1173
00:41:38,114 --> 00:41:40,054
the stuff we fantasize about

1174
00:41:40,994 --> 00:41:42,214
is not inherently

1175
00:41:43,679 --> 00:41:46,000
outside of a few very specific examples, and

1176
00:41:46,000 --> 00:41:47,219
y'all know what I mean,

1177
00:41:48,079 --> 00:41:49,139
is not inherently

1178
00:41:49,440 --> 00:41:49,940
automatically

1179
00:41:50,400 --> 00:41:52,960
bad. It comes from a place There are

1180
00:41:52,960 --> 00:41:55,780
studies out there, like actual scientific studies,

1181
00:41:56,159 --> 00:41:56,980
that show

1182
00:41:57,485 --> 00:41:58,304
where kinksters

1183
00:41:58,605 --> 00:42:01,085
will sometimes use parts of kink to help

1184
00:42:01,085 --> 00:42:03,644
them work through their own trauma successfully. Right.

1185
00:42:03,644 --> 00:42:05,164
But that's not something that I think too

1186
00:42:05,164 --> 00:42:06,605
many people need to be just doing. Like,

1187
00:42:06,605 --> 00:42:08,625
you don't raw dog it on your own.

1188
00:42:09,085 --> 00:42:11,485
Hopefully, you've got some guidance. You've got some

1189
00:42:11,485 --> 00:42:13,309
help. And, yeah, I I have heard of

1190
00:42:13,309 --> 00:42:15,650
people doing that as well. Yes. So

1191
00:42:16,269 --> 00:42:18,110
I neither of us can answer the first

1192
00:42:18,110 --> 00:42:19,489
part of the question. Okay?

1193
00:42:20,269 --> 00:42:22,269
We and when we're done recording, I will

1194
00:42:22,269 --> 00:42:24,130
go pop in the links in the places

1195
00:42:24,510 --> 00:42:26,269
for the place where you can find a

1196
00:42:26,269 --> 00:42:27,409
kink aware therapist.

1197
00:42:28,934 --> 00:42:32,394
So many do online stuff these days that,

1198
00:42:32,934 --> 00:42:34,775
you know, you don't have to go to

1199
00:42:34,775 --> 00:42:36,235
anybody to have these conversations,

1200
00:42:36,535 --> 00:42:38,235
especially if you wanna have them in private.

1201
00:42:38,535 --> 00:42:39,035
Now

1202
00:42:39,414 --> 00:42:41,675
once you get to the point where you

1203
00:42:41,735 --> 00:42:43,519
can share those desires

1204
00:42:43,820 --> 00:42:45,660
with a partner, and you're willing, and you're

1205
00:42:45,660 --> 00:42:47,420
like, okay. Let's I would like to talk

1206
00:42:47,420 --> 00:42:49,500
about this. Mhmm. That we might be able

1207
00:42:49,500 --> 00:42:50,880
to offer some

1208
00:42:51,579 --> 00:42:54,539
advice for. So to share those desires with

1209
00:42:54,539 --> 00:42:55,679
your daddy dom.

1210
00:42:55,980 --> 00:42:57,842
What are your thoughts on that part of

1211
00:42:57,842 --> 00:42:58,445
the the

1212
00:43:00,505 --> 00:43:01,005
question?

1213
00:43:01,385 --> 00:43:03,005
I think that's going to be

1214
00:43:03,305 --> 00:43:04,045
one of those,

1215
00:43:06,664 --> 00:43:09,144
and maybe maybe not. But it that could

1216
00:43:09,144 --> 00:43:10,605
be one of those tough conversations

1217
00:43:10,985 --> 00:43:11,724
to have.

1218
00:43:12,425 --> 00:43:12,925
But,

1219
00:43:14,420 --> 00:43:16,500
you know, you you it's at that point,

1220
00:43:16,500 --> 00:43:17,940
you have to sit down and talk about

1221
00:43:17,940 --> 00:43:19,539
it. But I think it's one of those

1222
00:43:19,539 --> 00:43:20,980
you set up a time. You don't Oh,

1223
00:43:20,980 --> 00:43:22,500
yeah. You really don't spring in on a

1224
00:43:22,500 --> 00:43:24,420
partner. No. No. No. No. No. No. This

1225
00:43:24,420 --> 00:43:27,425
is not you know, hey. Right. Obviously, you

1226
00:43:27,425 --> 00:43:28,945
would wanna have that conversation where you could

1227
00:43:28,945 --> 00:43:30,465
be private, so you would not you could

1228
00:43:30,465 --> 00:43:32,945
be very clear and distinct with what you're

1229
00:43:32,945 --> 00:43:33,844
trying to explain.

1230
00:43:34,144 --> 00:43:36,465
That those sharing those kinds of desires is

1231
00:43:36,465 --> 00:43:37,925
not a time to speak an innuendo.

1232
00:43:38,390 --> 00:43:40,309
Plain fucking language. And you need to be

1233
00:43:40,309 --> 00:43:42,230
in a place where you can safely use

1234
00:43:42,230 --> 00:43:44,390
that plain language. Mhmm. One thing we've talked

1235
00:43:44,390 --> 00:43:46,230
about in the past when we when people

1236
00:43:46,230 --> 00:43:48,070
have asked us about bringing up new kinks

1237
00:43:48,070 --> 00:43:49,750
or kink in general to a partner that

1238
00:43:49,750 --> 00:43:51,369
they don't know how they will,

1239
00:43:52,655 --> 00:43:55,474
respond to it Mhmm. Is asking questions

1240
00:43:55,855 --> 00:43:57,614
about, do you know about this? What do

1241
00:43:57,614 --> 00:43:59,375
you think about this? Hey. Have you have

1242
00:43:59,375 --> 00:44:00,974
you heard about this? What you know, do

1243
00:44:00,974 --> 00:44:03,054
you have any thoughts about this? Have you

1244
00:44:03,054 --> 00:44:03,954
ever had

1245
00:44:04,980 --> 00:44:05,640
a fantasy

1246
00:44:06,579 --> 00:44:07,940
like this in this realm? It doesn't have

1247
00:44:07,940 --> 00:44:08,940
to be your you know, you don't have

1248
00:44:08,940 --> 00:44:10,659
to be like the hypothetical doesn't have to

1249
00:44:10,659 --> 00:44:12,739
be your exact situation. But, like, have you

1250
00:44:12,739 --> 00:44:14,500
ever had some dark, like or what do

1251
00:44:14,500 --> 00:44:17,219
you think of consensual nonconsent? Is that would

1252
00:44:17,219 --> 00:44:18,679
you be interested? Right?

1253
00:44:20,585 --> 00:44:22,664
And give them the space to think about

1254
00:44:22,664 --> 00:44:24,284
it at that level

1255
00:44:25,304 --> 00:44:27,644
before you dive in with here is

1256
00:44:28,344 --> 00:44:31,144
my three act play that I would like

1257
00:44:31,144 --> 00:44:32,204
us to put on.

1258
00:44:33,400 --> 00:44:34,860
Can we do this? Right? Like,

1259
00:44:36,440 --> 00:44:37,659
in any kink,

1260
00:44:38,119 --> 00:44:40,760
but certainly the ones where they are considered

1261
00:44:40,760 --> 00:44:42,360
more edge. I don't like to use the

1262
00:44:42,360 --> 00:44:44,280
word extreme because that's subjective, but I think

1263
00:44:44,280 --> 00:44:45,704
most people would know what I mean by

1264
00:44:46,184 --> 00:44:48,025
that. If you don't know how your partner

1265
00:44:48,025 --> 00:44:49,565
feels about those things yet,

1266
00:44:50,744 --> 00:44:53,485
easing them in slowly is not a horrible

1267
00:44:54,184 --> 00:44:56,025
thing to do. That being said, depending on

1268
00:44:56,025 --> 00:44:57,164
how long you've been together,

1269
00:44:57,465 --> 00:44:59,545
you know what kind of commune hopefully, you

1270
00:44:59,545 --> 00:45:00,844
know what kind of communication

1271
00:45:01,800 --> 00:45:02,940
strategies your partner,

1272
00:45:03,719 --> 00:45:05,260
responds to best. Some people

1273
00:45:05,559 --> 00:45:08,680
want just clear, plain, direct language. Just tell

1274
00:45:08,680 --> 00:45:10,440
me the fucking thing, and we'll we'll figure

1275
00:45:10,440 --> 00:45:12,539
it out together. And some people,

1276
00:45:13,000 --> 00:45:15,085
you just know you can't come at them

1277
00:45:15,085 --> 00:45:15,905
all at once.

1278
00:45:16,445 --> 00:45:18,765
My experience, not even about this situation, but

1279
00:45:18,765 --> 00:45:19,905
communicating things.

1280
00:45:20,525 --> 00:45:23,164
I'm checking JB's mood before I tell him

1281
00:45:23,164 --> 00:45:23,664
anything.

1282
00:45:24,285 --> 00:45:26,364
I'm making sure if I'm asking for something

1283
00:45:26,364 --> 00:45:27,885
that maybe he's never done before, so I

1284
00:45:27,885 --> 00:45:29,769
know one, he's gonna have to decide, do

1285
00:45:29,769 --> 00:45:30,990
I even wanna do that?

1286
00:45:31,610 --> 00:45:32,809
Do I have it in me to go

1287
00:45:32,809 --> 00:45:34,570
learn? Is there a place I can? Like,

1288
00:45:34,570 --> 00:45:36,349
all those factors. Right?

1289
00:45:36,650 --> 00:45:39,690
I'm a make sure we're relaxed. We're chill.

1290
00:45:39,690 --> 00:45:42,170
Mhmm. He's not grumpy. He didn't have a

1291
00:45:42,170 --> 00:45:44,785
bad night. He's, like, in a headspace. Like,

1292
00:45:44,785 --> 00:45:46,885
I'm I'm clocking for those things.

1293
00:45:47,664 --> 00:45:49,664
Use that information that hopefully you have learned

1294
00:45:49,664 --> 00:45:51,105
about your partner. Hey. Let's go have a

1295
00:45:51,105 --> 00:45:52,644
cup of coffee and sit. Right.

1296
00:45:52,945 --> 00:45:55,105
If you do start seeing a Kinkaware therapist,

1297
00:45:55,105 --> 00:45:56,625
if you're not already, if you are seeing

1298
00:45:56,625 --> 00:45:58,670
a Kinkaware therapist, I highly recommend

1299
00:45:59,530 --> 00:46:01,609
just finding oh, I hit the microphone. Sorry.

1300
00:46:01,609 --> 00:46:02,889
Finding a time and a place and a

1301
00:46:02,889 --> 00:46:04,670
way to bring this up to them. Right?

1302
00:46:04,730 --> 00:46:06,589
But if if they're not kink aware,

1303
00:46:07,130 --> 00:46:09,050
I highly recommend kink aware for this. Yeah.

1304
00:46:09,050 --> 00:46:09,550
But

1305
00:46:10,055 --> 00:46:11,655
if you are comfortable with it, if you're

1306
00:46:11,655 --> 00:46:13,434
at that point in your relationship,

1307
00:46:15,175 --> 00:46:16,614
you don't have to go into the details

1308
00:46:16,614 --> 00:46:18,454
of why you're seeing a kink aware therapist,

1309
00:46:18,454 --> 00:46:20,855
but maybe you can give a broad overview

1310
00:46:20,855 --> 00:46:22,855
assuming you're comfortable. You don't have to. You're

1311
00:46:22,855 --> 00:46:24,775
not required to tell a partner or anything

1312
00:46:24,775 --> 00:46:26,380
like that. But if you know it's a

1313
00:46:26,380 --> 00:46:28,400
thing that you're probably gonna bring to them,

1314
00:46:29,179 --> 00:46:30,860
maybe that's where you start. And then there's

1315
00:46:30,860 --> 00:46:32,320
like time between

1316
00:46:32,780 --> 00:46:34,619
you find this therapist to help you with

1317
00:46:34,619 --> 00:46:36,940
this thing to, you know, so you can

1318
00:46:36,940 --> 00:46:38,619
work through it in whatever way that's gonna

1319
00:46:38,619 --> 00:46:40,835
look like, and And if you're comfortable enough

1320
00:46:40,835 --> 00:46:42,534
and the trust is there and the relationship's

1321
00:46:42,594 --> 00:46:44,594
long term enough and they've they've earned this

1322
00:46:44,594 --> 00:46:46,994
level of intimacy from you and you mention,

1323
00:46:46,994 --> 00:46:49,815
hey. I'm gonna go see this therapist for

1324
00:46:49,875 --> 00:46:52,514
this give be vague, this vague reason, you've

1325
00:46:52,514 --> 00:46:54,349
kind of already started the conversation because now

1326
00:46:54,349 --> 00:46:55,329
you've got the opening.

1327
00:46:55,710 --> 00:46:57,809
Over time, if you feel comfortable,

1328
00:46:58,110 --> 00:46:59,890
you can start talking about it more.

1329
00:47:00,670 --> 00:47:01,170
But

1330
00:47:01,710 --> 00:47:03,250
yeah. No. I don't

1331
00:47:04,269 --> 00:47:05,969
I cannot imagine

1332
00:47:06,829 --> 00:47:07,329
that

1333
00:47:08,554 --> 00:47:10,634
dealing with any internal shame you have over

1334
00:47:10,634 --> 00:47:13,534
your own desires is easy in general.

1335
00:47:14,474 --> 00:47:15,694
And then add

1336
00:47:16,234 --> 00:47:18,414
a trauma like that on top of it.

1337
00:47:18,554 --> 00:47:21,480
Oh, nope. Two weirdos with microphones and an

1338
00:47:21,480 --> 00:47:22,219
Internet connection.

1339
00:47:22,920 --> 00:47:25,480
We nobody. I'm not gonna I would cause

1340
00:47:25,480 --> 00:47:27,320
more harm by whatever flipping thing I would

1341
00:47:27,320 --> 00:47:29,480
say. That is for professionals. And I you

1342
00:47:29,480 --> 00:47:30,840
know, there are other people out there on

1343
00:47:30,840 --> 00:47:32,840
FetLife, I think somebody mentioned in live chat,

1344
00:47:32,840 --> 00:47:34,539
who are sharing their

1345
00:47:35,275 --> 00:47:37,454
stories and their journeys to

1346
00:47:38,155 --> 00:47:40,715
in similar you for similar situations. Yeah. If

1347
00:47:40,715 --> 00:47:42,235
you can find those folks, seek them out,

1348
00:47:42,235 --> 00:47:43,215
read their stuff,

1349
00:47:44,074 --> 00:47:46,155
or consume their content, however Yeah. You're putting

1350
00:47:46,155 --> 00:47:49,219
out there, for sure. But that I don't

1351
00:47:49,219 --> 00:47:51,460
think you get to do that in place

1352
00:47:51,460 --> 00:47:51,960
of

1353
00:47:53,380 --> 00:47:54,359
working on

1354
00:47:54,900 --> 00:47:57,960
what's going on with you specifically with ideally

1355
00:47:58,179 --> 00:47:58,839
a professional

1356
00:48:00,579 --> 00:48:02,039
is what I would say there.

1357
00:48:05,195 --> 00:48:07,454
K. Good. So that was the last question

1358
00:48:07,515 --> 00:48:08,015
from,

1359
00:48:10,474 --> 00:48:10,974
Instagram.

1360
00:48:11,355 --> 00:48:11,855
K.

1361
00:48:13,434 --> 00:48:15,595
Freckled Awesomeness, says in the live chat, it's

1362
00:48:15,595 --> 00:48:16,949
so hard to find a kink or poly

1363
00:48:16,949 --> 00:48:19,134
therapist that takes your insurance. Very true. Yeah.

1364
00:48:19,407 --> 00:48:21,590
What I have seen, it's been a it's

1365
00:48:21,590 --> 00:48:23,775
been a hot minute since I went and

1366
00:48:23,775 --> 00:48:25,958
looked. But the last time I went and

1367
00:48:25,958 --> 00:48:28,143
looked, and that's been in the past twenty

1368
00:48:28,143 --> 00:48:30,327
four months, a lot of them will talk

1369
00:48:30,327 --> 00:48:32,525
about how they offer sliding scales. Mhmm.

1370
00:48:33,405 --> 00:48:35,105
So that you're not necessarily

1371
00:48:35,565 --> 00:48:38,204
paying their top end. Hell, we got the

1372
00:48:38,204 --> 00:48:40,224
youngest, the 16 year old, into therapy,

1373
00:48:40,525 --> 00:48:43,325
what, three years ago? Yeah. Because the therapist

1374
00:48:43,325 --> 00:48:45,300
who their office didn't take insurance at all,

1375
00:48:45,380 --> 00:48:47,460
they offered sliding scales. I got her lowest

1376
00:48:47,460 --> 00:48:49,539
fee. Over over the years, it's kinda gradually

1377
00:48:49,539 --> 00:48:50,199
bumped up.

1378
00:48:51,699 --> 00:48:53,460
I found it easier to ask on behalf

1379
00:48:53,460 --> 00:48:54,280
of my child.

1380
00:48:54,579 --> 00:48:56,260
I could ask for almost anything on behalf

1381
00:48:56,260 --> 00:48:59,320
of a child. That's mine. Not myself. But

1382
00:49:00,304 --> 00:49:01,984
if you don't ask, the answer is always

1383
00:49:01,984 --> 00:49:02,484
no.

1384
00:49:02,784 --> 00:49:04,884
And unless you were blessed

1385
00:49:05,184 --> 00:49:06,864
with insurance that doesn't make you pay a

1386
00:49:06,864 --> 00:49:07,525
co pay,

1387
00:49:07,984 --> 00:49:09,424
it's few and far between, but I know

1388
00:49:09,424 --> 00:49:10,244
they're out there.

1389
00:49:10,704 --> 00:49:12,929
What I found with the insurance we have,

1390
00:49:13,089 --> 00:49:15,569
it was cheaper to ask for a sliding

1391
00:49:15,569 --> 00:49:16,069
scale

1392
00:49:16,609 --> 00:49:18,530
Mhmm. Than it would would have been to

1393
00:49:18,530 --> 00:49:19,969
pay any co pay that we would have

1394
00:49:19,969 --> 00:49:21,650
been charged for insurance. I know for a

1395
00:49:21,650 --> 00:49:23,349
while when I was in therapy,

1396
00:49:25,010 --> 00:49:25,909
if you do,

1397
00:49:26,769 --> 00:49:27,250
virtual

1398
00:49:28,215 --> 00:49:30,855
Right. There was no Right. Through our insurance.

1399
00:49:30,855 --> 00:49:32,695
Through the through that insurance. Which is the

1400
00:49:32,695 --> 00:49:35,414
problem that not all Everybody right. Right. I

1401
00:49:35,414 --> 00:49:37,494
know. But I know. If you have a

1402
00:49:37,494 --> 00:49:39,015
little bit that you can afford, but maybe

1403
00:49:39,015 --> 00:49:40,454
you can't afford. All of it. That's what

1404
00:49:40,454 --> 00:49:41,735
I would say is if you find a

1405
00:49:41,735 --> 00:49:42,235
therapist

1406
00:49:42,855 --> 00:49:43,355
that

1407
00:49:44,670 --> 00:49:47,230
offers what you need, that's the question I

1408
00:49:47,230 --> 00:49:47,969
would ask.

1409
00:49:48,429 --> 00:49:50,429
You know? Can do you offer a sliding

1410
00:49:50,429 --> 00:49:51,329
scale? Mhmm.

1411
00:49:53,150 --> 00:49:55,150
Yeah. Would I ever have asked for myself?

1412
00:49:55,150 --> 00:49:55,650
No.

1413
00:49:56,750 --> 00:49:57,570
I would not.

1414
00:49:57,945 --> 00:49:59,724
For my kid, yeah. I'll ask.

1415
00:50:00,025 --> 00:50:02,125
I'll I get uncomfortable with it.

1416
00:50:04,105 --> 00:50:04,605
So

1417
00:50:04,985 --> 00:50:05,485
yeah.

1418
00:50:06,105 --> 00:50:08,605
Do we wanna take questions from live chat?

1419
00:50:09,945 --> 00:50:11,305
It's up to you. You're the one in

1420
00:50:11,305 --> 00:50:11,805
charge.

1421
00:50:13,359 --> 00:50:14,880
I guess I could take one or two.

1422
00:50:14,880 --> 00:50:17,519
Okay. So sorry, podcast listeners. We're I told

1423
00:50:17,519 --> 00:50:18,719
you at the top of the intro we

1424
00:50:18,719 --> 00:50:20,019
were time traveling here.

1425
00:50:20,400 --> 00:50:22,800
If you're watching on YouTube during the live

1426
00:50:22,800 --> 00:50:24,800
stream and you have a question you would

1427
00:50:24,800 --> 00:50:26,320
like us to answer, feel free. We'll give

1428
00:50:26,320 --> 00:50:27,679
it a couple minutes. Y'all know us, we

1429
00:50:27,679 --> 00:50:30,594
can chit chat. Please tag us at loving

1430
00:50:30,594 --> 00:50:33,094
BDSM. Our name shows up bright orange,

1431
00:50:35,554 --> 00:50:37,474
so we can see it. The question should

1432
00:50:37,635 --> 00:50:39,635
needs to be short enough to be within

1433
00:50:39,635 --> 00:50:42,140
the character limit of a single live chat

1434
00:50:42,140 --> 00:50:42,640
message,

1435
00:50:43,500 --> 00:50:45,900
and don't spam the channel. Kitty says the

1436
00:50:45,900 --> 00:50:48,059
Kinkwear Professional website is that's the one I'm

1437
00:50:48,059 --> 00:50:50,140
gonna link to is the Kinkwear Professional website.

1438
00:50:50,140 --> 00:50:50,640
Mhmm.

1439
00:50:50,940 --> 00:50:52,539
I should I saw the I put the

1440
00:50:52,539 --> 00:50:54,320
question in the notes. I should have

1441
00:50:54,700 --> 00:50:56,755
grabbed that link and I forgot. It was

1442
00:50:56,755 --> 00:50:58,875
the damn weird nap that was not supposed

1443
00:50:58,875 --> 00:51:01,315
to occur. I wasn't I never meant to

1444
00:51:01,315 --> 00:51:02,375
take a nap today.

1445
00:51:02,675 --> 00:51:04,614
I gave myself an hour

1446
00:51:05,315 --> 00:51:05,815
to

1447
00:51:06,355 --> 00:51:07,954
I've got a stack of books where I'm

1448
00:51:07,954 --> 00:51:08,775
doing research,

1449
00:51:09,500 --> 00:51:11,119
and I give myself an hour

1450
00:51:11,579 --> 00:51:12,079
to

1451
00:51:12,460 --> 00:51:15,179
read the book. Thirty five minutes in, I

1452
00:51:15,179 --> 00:51:16,639
was like, oh, done.

1453
00:51:18,699 --> 00:51:20,639
We got a question from Freckled Awesomeness.

1454
00:51:21,179 --> 00:51:23,099
I can't flirt to save my life. Any

1455
00:51:23,099 --> 00:51:24,960
suggestions on how to learn,

1456
00:51:25,954 --> 00:51:26,614
to flirt?

1457
00:51:27,235 --> 00:51:28,054
Oh, shit.

1458
00:51:28,675 --> 00:51:30,215
I neither me.

1459
00:51:31,635 --> 00:51:33,715
No. You're not I mostly just make sarcastic

1460
00:51:33,715 --> 00:51:35,394
comments. I I hate to admit it. I

1461
00:51:35,394 --> 00:51:36,135
used to

1462
00:51:37,315 --> 00:51:39,815
love to flirt. You are a very charming

1463
00:51:39,875 --> 00:51:40,375
human.

1464
00:51:41,460 --> 00:51:43,059
But it's been so long. You're out of

1465
00:51:43,059 --> 00:51:43,559
practice.

1466
00:51:43,940 --> 00:51:46,339
Okay. So let's imagine a situation where you

1467
00:51:46,420 --> 00:51:47,960
Oh, that's not gonna No.

1468
00:51:48,420 --> 00:51:49,320
Can't may I?

1469
00:51:50,340 --> 00:51:52,199
Imagine a situation where you

1470
00:51:52,739 --> 00:51:54,974
were feeling as as playful as you used

1471
00:51:54,974 --> 00:51:57,214
to feel that would allow you to flirt

1472
00:51:57,454 --> 00:51:57,934
Mhmm.

1473
00:51:58,335 --> 00:51:58,835
If

1474
00:51:59,135 --> 00:52:00,914
you were to try it

1475
00:52:01,454 --> 00:52:03,315
on me, on a whoever, whatever.

1476
00:52:03,614 --> 00:52:05,534
What do you think you would do, or

1477
00:52:05,534 --> 00:52:07,214
what do you think you would say? Like,

1478
00:52:07,214 --> 00:52:08,815
what what do you think might be going

1479
00:52:08,815 --> 00:52:09,630
through your mind

1480
00:52:10,190 --> 00:52:11,969
if you were to attempt it again?

1481
00:52:14,269 --> 00:52:16,750
I mean, for me, flirting was always trying

1482
00:52:16,750 --> 00:52:19,089
to find out something about the other person.

1483
00:52:19,309 --> 00:52:20,449
Mhmm. Okay.

1484
00:52:24,204 --> 00:52:25,264
And then kind

1485
00:52:25,724 --> 00:52:26,864
of turning that into

1486
00:52:28,844 --> 00:52:31,344
Did A flirt. Well Yeah.

1487
00:52:32,204 --> 00:52:33,484
See, people it's one of those things that

1488
00:52:33,484 --> 00:52:34,525
people who know how to do it. They

1489
00:52:34,525 --> 00:52:36,784
just know how to do it, apparently. So

1490
00:52:37,005 --> 00:52:39,500
back in the day because I'm oblivious to

1491
00:52:39,500 --> 00:52:41,280
flirting. If you flirt with me,

1492
00:52:41,820 --> 00:52:43,820
I don't JB can flirt with me and

1493
00:52:43,820 --> 00:52:45,019
I will turn to him and go, what

1494
00:52:45,019 --> 00:52:46,320
are you doing? Yeah.

1495
00:52:46,940 --> 00:52:48,800
That's because I'm comfortable with them.

1496
00:52:49,340 --> 00:52:51,579
I don't know I'm being flirted with. I

1497
00:52:51,579 --> 00:52:53,244
have done things that people have claimed were

1498
00:52:53,244 --> 00:52:54,684
flirting. I was like, no. I was just

1499
00:52:54,684 --> 00:52:56,284
being kind of a bitch and wondering if

1500
00:52:56,284 --> 00:52:58,204
you would laugh about it. I guess that's

1501
00:52:58,204 --> 00:52:58,864
my flirting.

1502
00:52:59,965 --> 00:53:02,204
So when you start asking questions and you

1503
00:53:02,204 --> 00:53:03,425
get playful with it,

1504
00:53:05,565 --> 00:53:06,125
do you

1505
00:53:07,280 --> 00:53:09,219
are you asking questions about

1506
00:53:09,920 --> 00:53:11,539
them? Like, are you

1507
00:53:12,159 --> 00:53:14,639
is it such an for the moment where

1508
00:53:14,639 --> 00:53:15,460
you're like,

1509
00:53:18,239 --> 00:53:20,695
you see them doing something or you you're

1510
00:53:20,695 --> 00:53:22,135
in a moment together and it's a sheer

1511
00:53:22,135 --> 00:53:23,914
moment. Like, you're standing in line at Starbucks,

1512
00:53:24,375 --> 00:53:26,614
and that's the It it's Right. It's a

1513
00:53:26,614 --> 00:53:28,054
it's a thing of the moment. It's a

1514
00:53:28,054 --> 00:53:30,375
thing of the Right. You know? And so

1515
00:53:30,375 --> 00:53:32,635
then when you try to

1516
00:53:36,539 --> 00:53:38,239
be playful with it

1517
00:53:42,539 --> 00:53:44,880
I thought you usually just turned the camera

1518
00:53:45,019 --> 00:53:46,539
off and back on. I saw that it

1519
00:53:46,539 --> 00:53:48,239
had said the stream ended.

1520
00:53:49,074 --> 00:53:51,235
Oh, well. Okay. Mhmm. So

1521
00:53:54,114 --> 00:53:55,394
so is it do you make, like, a

1522
00:53:55,394 --> 00:53:57,715
joke at your own expense? Do you turn

1523
00:53:57,715 --> 00:54:00,594
something in playful into the moment? Like, I

1524
00:54:00,594 --> 00:54:01,335
I know

1525
00:54:02,035 --> 00:54:03,015
how you are

1526
00:54:04,030 --> 00:54:04,849
when, like,

1527
00:54:05,390 --> 00:54:07,070
the line is long. We're waiting forever at

1528
00:54:07,070 --> 00:54:09,309
Starbucks. You can make that into a playful

1529
00:54:09,309 --> 00:54:12,289
moment. Is that the playful moment you're having?

1530
00:54:12,670 --> 00:54:14,690
Yeah. It's not It can be. Yes.

1531
00:54:15,150 --> 00:54:17,890
Is it oh, I feel like an archaeologist

1532
00:54:18,349 --> 00:54:20,785
or a anthropologist. What are the words I

1533
00:54:20,785 --> 00:54:22,224
want? I don't know. Y'all know what I

1534
00:54:22,224 --> 00:54:25,585
mean, though. Right? Okay. I'm studying human behavior

1535
00:54:25,585 --> 00:54:27,525
here. Okay. So

1536
00:54:31,344 --> 00:54:33,360
let's say it's situational. You're in line at

1537
00:54:33,360 --> 00:54:34,019
a coffee

1538
00:54:34,320 --> 00:54:37,539
shop. You're flirting by making a playful comment,

1539
00:54:38,320 --> 00:54:40,820
not about the person, but about the situation.

1540
00:54:40,880 --> 00:54:41,380
Right?

1541
00:54:42,400 --> 00:54:43,640
Because you don't know the person. Right? Right.

1542
00:54:43,640 --> 00:54:44,510
Okay. So if they respond positively Mhmm.

1543
00:54:51,974 --> 00:54:53,494
Playfulness and now it's like, oh, we're in

1544
00:54:53,494 --> 00:54:54,075
a conversation?

1545
00:54:56,614 --> 00:54:58,855
It depends on the person. Depends on how

1546
00:54:58,855 --> 00:55:00,539
they receive how they respond. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha.

1547
00:55:01,099 --> 00:55:02,539
Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Okay?

1548
00:55:03,260 --> 00:55:03,920
You know,

1549
00:55:05,179 --> 00:55:07,179
sometimes if it's a person that that feeds

1550
00:55:07,179 --> 00:55:08,800
off you, you know, you can keep going.

1551
00:55:09,099 --> 00:55:10,619
Sure. Oh, yeah. If if you get ban

1552
00:55:10,699 --> 00:55:12,300
banter Yeah. Oh, yeah. Once you have that,

1553
00:55:12,300 --> 00:55:13,660
it's back and forth. Right. Right. Yeah. So

1554
00:55:14,219 --> 00:55:14,719
but,

1555
00:55:15,684 --> 00:55:17,364
you know, yeah. It it depends on a

1556
00:55:17,364 --> 00:55:18,105
lot of things.

1557
00:55:19,125 --> 00:55:22,505
So But it comes from observational stuff mostly

1558
00:55:22,964 --> 00:55:23,464
and

1559
00:55:24,324 --> 00:55:26,804
Yeah. A vibe check. Mhmm. Is the initial

1560
00:55:26,804 --> 00:55:28,484
flirting the vibe check, or have you checked

1561
00:55:28,484 --> 00:55:29,144
the vibe

1562
00:55:29,684 --> 00:55:30,184
prior?

1563
00:55:30,900 --> 00:55:32,420
Is there, like, an air that you're looking

1564
00:55:32,420 --> 00:55:34,519
for in that person before you'll even start?

1565
00:55:35,059 --> 00:55:37,380
Or is the first playful question the vibe

1566
00:55:37,380 --> 00:55:37,880
check?

1567
00:55:40,500 --> 00:55:41,159
You know,

1568
00:55:41,460 --> 00:55:43,299
I couldn't tell you anymore at this point.

1569
00:55:43,299 --> 00:55:44,760
Why were you not memorizing

1570
00:55:57,364 --> 00:55:58,910
Silence is too much like small talk but

1571
00:55:58,910 --> 00:55:59,809
with expectations.

1572
00:56:00,110 --> 00:56:02,110
Yeah. Yeah. So here's the thing. I would

1573
00:56:02,110 --> 00:56:03,630
never tell you that I can flirt because

1574
00:56:03,630 --> 00:56:05,570
I don't think I can, but I do

1575
00:56:06,430 --> 00:56:06,930
understand

1576
00:56:07,470 --> 00:56:09,950
the vibe check playful question. Now I don't

1577
00:56:09,950 --> 00:56:11,489
do playful, I do sarcastic.

1578
00:56:13,065 --> 00:56:14,684
Sometimes dry humor, but

1579
00:56:15,304 --> 00:56:17,005
it depends. It depends. It depends.

1580
00:56:17,304 --> 00:56:20,184
And I don't do it for flirting reasons.

1581
00:56:20,184 --> 00:56:21,704
I don't know how to flirt. Mhmm. But

1582
00:56:21,704 --> 00:56:22,985
I do that kind of same thing when

1583
00:56:22,985 --> 00:56:24,264
I'm trying to do the vibe check of

1584
00:56:24,264 --> 00:56:26,650
the person I'm with. Like, a doctor. Like,

1585
00:56:26,650 --> 00:56:28,170
I was so we've I think I just

1586
00:56:28,170 --> 00:56:29,530
complained about this last week, and I was

1587
00:56:29,530 --> 00:56:31,210
like, I don't like my gynecologist because she

1588
00:56:31,210 --> 00:56:33,289
does not pass the vibe check. Because if

1589
00:56:33,289 --> 00:56:35,630
you're gonna be elbow deep

1590
00:56:36,010 --> 00:56:37,610
inside of me, I should be able to

1591
00:56:37,610 --> 00:56:38,510
crack a joke,

1592
00:56:39,155 --> 00:56:41,175
and you should think I'm at least mildly

1593
00:56:41,554 --> 00:56:42,054
amusing.

1594
00:56:42,434 --> 00:56:45,155
Right? Not be confused by me. I think

1595
00:56:45,155 --> 00:56:48,775
that the principle might apply. It's just the

1596
00:56:50,675 --> 00:56:53,010
the focus and the intention is different.

1597
00:56:53,809 --> 00:56:55,010
So I would say to anybody who maybe

1598
00:56:55,010 --> 00:56:56,849
doesn't think I they can flirt but maybe

1599
00:56:56,849 --> 00:56:58,949
you will throw out a sarcastic

1600
00:56:59,570 --> 00:57:00,869
comment or an observation

1601
00:57:01,489 --> 00:57:03,030
that other people laugh at

1602
00:57:03,969 --> 00:57:06,315
as vibe checks, I think maybe that translates

1603
00:57:06,375 --> 00:57:08,375
a little bit. I don't know. I don't

1604
00:57:08,375 --> 00:57:08,875
know.

1605
00:57:10,135 --> 00:57:10,954
When I

1606
00:57:11,494 --> 00:57:14,614
have pretended I knew what flirting was many,

1607
00:57:14,614 --> 00:57:15,894
many, many years ago

1608
00:57:16,775 --> 00:57:18,215
at this point, since I've known you as

1609
00:57:18,215 --> 00:57:20,489
long as I have, we're talking almost, but

1610
00:57:20,489 --> 00:57:22,349
not quite fifteen years ago. Mhmm.

1611
00:57:23,369 --> 00:57:26,269
I found flirting and maybe this is because

1612
00:57:27,449 --> 00:57:29,690
I'm a cis woman, air quote, flirting with

1613
00:57:29,690 --> 00:57:31,545
cis men. Like, let's be real about the

1614
00:57:31,625 --> 00:57:32,684
target audience here.

1615
00:57:33,304 --> 00:57:36,204
Flirting, air quote that, was a lot of

1616
00:57:36,424 --> 00:57:38,364
laughing and going, oh,

1617
00:57:38,664 --> 00:57:41,224
you're that's that's oh my gosh. Oh my

1618
00:57:41,224 --> 00:57:41,784
gosh. That's

1619
00:57:42,824 --> 00:57:44,585
really? It was a lot of that, and

1620
00:57:44,585 --> 00:57:46,664
I didn't like it because it feels very

1621
00:57:46,664 --> 00:57:47,164
disingenuous.

1622
00:57:47,920 --> 00:57:50,640
If I can't make a snarky smart ass

1623
00:57:50,640 --> 00:57:53,460
comment to you about the bullshit of life

1624
00:57:53,679 --> 00:57:54,260
and you

1625
00:57:54,960 --> 00:57:56,800
don't laugh, I don't know what the fuck

1626
00:57:56,800 --> 00:57:58,159
to do after that. If I have to

1627
00:57:58,159 --> 00:58:00,019
spend the whole time going, oh my gosh.

1628
00:58:00,079 --> 00:58:02,640
Oh my gosh. That's amazing. And doing the

1629
00:58:02,640 --> 00:58:04,545
touch on the arm and depending on how

1630
00:58:04,545 --> 00:58:07,204
receptive the squeeze of the buzz. Again,

1631
00:58:07,984 --> 00:58:11,344
my whole experience has been flirting with cis

1632
00:58:11,344 --> 00:58:13,844
men and is if you know, you know.

1633
00:58:14,545 --> 00:58:16,644
Not the best ones. Let's just say that.

1634
00:58:17,585 --> 00:58:18,780
That's a little bit of, like, I would

1635
00:58:18,780 --> 00:58:19,760
call it fawning.

1636
00:58:20,619 --> 00:58:22,860
Mhmm. Mhmm. Yeah. Because it's really more about

1637
00:58:22,860 --> 00:58:24,619
stroking their ego. That's why I don't know

1638
00:58:24,619 --> 00:58:26,780
how to actually flirt because that's not to

1639
00:58:26,780 --> 00:58:29,900
me flirting. That is batting my eyelashes at

1640
00:58:29,900 --> 00:58:32,000
a man who expects that kind of treatment

1641
00:58:32,244 --> 00:58:33,784
from a woman he's attracted

1642
00:58:35,364 --> 00:58:38,324
to, who he assumes is also attracted back.

1643
00:58:38,324 --> 00:58:40,565
Right? Like, I mostly just wanted to fuck

1644
00:58:40,565 --> 00:58:42,425
y'all. I wasn't it wasn't that deep.

1645
00:58:43,284 --> 00:58:44,025
So yeah.

1646
00:58:45,045 --> 00:58:46,699
I don't I don't know. I don't know

1647
00:58:46,699 --> 00:58:47,440
how to flirt.

1648
00:58:49,980 --> 00:58:52,059
Well, silent. You're right. It it I mean,

1649
00:58:52,059 --> 00:58:54,139
I didn't do quite that much. Those are

1650
00:58:54,139 --> 00:58:56,079
just multiple examples in a row.

1651
00:58:56,780 --> 00:58:57,920
But if you if

1652
00:58:58,464 --> 00:59:00,565
if the vibe was that we were heading

1653
00:59:00,784 --> 00:59:03,585
towards getting naked, there would be a lot

1654
00:59:03,585 --> 00:59:04,565
more of that.

1655
00:59:11,880 --> 00:59:12,940
Yeah. I,

1656
00:59:16,039 --> 00:59:17,339
I don't know. I find

1657
00:59:17,799 --> 00:59:20,139
JB and I are flirtatious with one another,

1658
00:59:21,079 --> 00:59:23,480
but it's we're teasing each other. And it's

1659
00:59:23,480 --> 00:59:26,005
it's based on a deep knowledge of each

1660
00:59:26,005 --> 00:59:27,445
other and of knowing what we can and

1661
00:59:27,445 --> 00:59:29,045
can't say to one another. That's why I

1662
00:59:29,045 --> 00:59:31,285
don't I could not even imagine actually flirting

1663
00:59:31,285 --> 00:59:33,445
with actual strangers or people I've just met.

1664
00:59:33,445 --> 00:59:35,605
I don't know anything about you. I don't

1665
00:59:35,605 --> 00:59:37,304
I don't know what you're gonna find funny.

1666
00:59:37,525 --> 00:59:39,045
Mhmm. I don't know what's gonna make me

1667
00:59:39,045 --> 00:59:39,449
just look

1668
00:59:40,010 --> 00:59:42,409
like a weirdo and what's gonna be like,

1669
00:59:42,409 --> 00:59:44,570
okay. Yeah. We're on we're on the same

1670
00:59:44,570 --> 00:59:46,589
wavelength here. At this point,

1671
00:59:47,130 --> 00:59:50,329
yeah. Yeah. Quite frankly, we make jokes about

1672
00:59:50,329 --> 00:59:51,389
air quote flirting.

1673
00:59:52,164 --> 00:59:54,105
Somebody's body will make a noise.

1674
00:59:54,644 --> 00:59:56,404
And the other one, I was whoever it

1675
00:59:56,404 --> 00:59:57,844
is, the other one I was to go,

1676
00:59:57,844 --> 00:59:59,605
ugh, you do know how to turn me

1677
00:59:59,605 --> 01:00:01,284
on and seduce me. I want you now.

1678
01:00:01,284 --> 01:00:02,744
I've never wanted you more.

1679
01:00:08,650 --> 01:00:11,230
So yeah. Asking us about flirting these days.

1680
01:00:11,369 --> 01:00:14,670
Be careful. JB I I remember JB's flirtatious

1681
01:00:14,809 --> 01:00:15,630
days because

1682
01:00:16,090 --> 01:00:18,409
we could be out anywhere. We went out

1683
01:00:18,409 --> 01:00:20,010
so often back in the day. Why did

1684
01:00:20,010 --> 01:00:22,364
we do that? Anyway, we would be out

1685
01:00:22,364 --> 01:00:24,684
and about and he would just casually flirt.

1686
01:00:24,684 --> 01:00:26,704
It never bothered me. I mostly

1687
01:00:27,324 --> 01:00:28,704
was a little bit like,

1688
01:00:29,885 --> 01:00:32,125
an observer at the zoo, what trying to

1689
01:00:32,125 --> 01:00:34,625
watch animals in their habitat. Like,

1690
01:00:35,085 --> 01:00:37,500
what is that, and how does that work?

1691
01:00:38,839 --> 01:00:39,339
Nope.

1692
01:00:42,679 --> 01:00:43,079
So

1693
01:00:43,639 --> 01:00:44,139
Anywho.

1694
01:00:44,839 --> 01:00:46,519
Yeah. Tayce, you said in the live chat,

1695
01:00:46,519 --> 01:00:48,039
expecting the fawning type of flirting is the

1696
01:00:48,039 --> 01:00:49,480
reason why guys at my church wonder why

1697
01:00:49,480 --> 01:00:51,525
independent women don't want to date them. And,

1698
01:00:51,525 --> 01:00:53,724
you know, once I found I hit my

1699
01:00:53,724 --> 01:00:56,525
stride of my independence and my, like, take

1700
01:00:56,525 --> 01:00:57,265
no shit,

1701
01:00:57,804 --> 01:00:59,184
you know, kind of

1702
01:00:59,565 --> 01:01:02,364
way of being uncomfortable in that, yeah, I

1703
01:01:02,364 --> 01:01:03,905
mostly heard that I was intimidating

1704
01:01:04,204 --> 01:01:04,525
from,

1705
01:01:05,300 --> 01:01:06,920
a lot of men. I was like,

1706
01:01:07,619 --> 01:01:09,000
no. You are intimidated.

1707
01:01:09,539 --> 01:01:10,840
Yeah. That's the difference.

1708
01:01:11,780 --> 01:01:13,699
I wish I had gotten that sooner in

1709
01:01:13,699 --> 01:01:16,099
life. See? That you know? Yeah. Yeah. But

1710
01:01:16,099 --> 01:01:17,800
here we are. Here we are.

1711
01:01:19,835 --> 01:01:20,335
So

1712
01:01:22,795 --> 01:01:24,474
Andre has a good point on flirting. You

1713
01:01:24,474 --> 01:01:25,674
know, I think the goal will have a

1714
01:01:25,674 --> 01:01:26,635
lot to do with it also. Are you

1715
01:01:26,635 --> 01:01:28,394
trying to get to know someone new, or

1716
01:01:28,394 --> 01:01:30,795
are you long a long term partner? Yeah.

1717
01:01:30,795 --> 01:01:32,474
You know, give your long term partner a

1718
01:01:32,474 --> 01:01:33,690
hint. Yeah. I think

1719
01:01:34,889 --> 01:01:37,210
we just mostly you know, I think we

1720
01:01:37,210 --> 01:01:38,809
do it for the vibe check more than

1721
01:01:38,809 --> 01:01:40,409
anything because we are at a point in

1722
01:01:40,409 --> 01:01:40,909
life

1723
01:01:41,210 --> 01:01:42,349
there's no seduction

1724
01:01:42,730 --> 01:01:43,550
going on.

1725
01:01:44,730 --> 01:01:45,230
Like,

1726
01:01:45,530 --> 01:01:47,389
it's not that we can't, like,

1727
01:01:48,585 --> 01:01:50,525
warm each other up sexually

1728
01:01:50,905 --> 01:01:52,744
speaking, but and we will and we do,

1729
01:01:52,744 --> 01:01:54,824
but we don't have to preempt that with

1730
01:01:54,824 --> 01:01:55,324
anything.

1731
01:01:57,304 --> 01:01:59,465
Quite frankly, one of the best things in

1732
01:01:59,465 --> 01:02:01,864
life was ever was at the negotiation where

1733
01:02:01,864 --> 01:02:02,909
I was like, look.

1734
01:02:03,869 --> 01:02:05,309
If you just wake me up and fuck

1735
01:02:05,309 --> 01:02:06,049
me, it's

1736
01:02:06,589 --> 01:02:07,089
fine.

1737
01:02:07,549 --> 01:02:10,190
Whatever. Don't make me think about it. We

1738
01:02:10,190 --> 01:02:12,510
did have to set parameters on, like, not

1739
01:02:12,510 --> 01:02:13,630
in the middle of the night a certain

1740
01:02:13,630 --> 01:02:14,829
point in life, not in the middle of

1741
01:02:14,829 --> 01:02:15,409
the night,

1742
01:02:16,269 --> 01:02:17,170
we will be exhausted.

1743
01:02:17,755 --> 01:02:19,994
Certain times throughout the week, we're not great

1744
01:02:19,994 --> 01:02:21,434
for that. Like, keep that to, like, a

1745
01:02:21,434 --> 01:02:22,894
fucking weekend, whatever.

1746
01:02:23,514 --> 01:02:24,255
We negotiated

1747
01:02:24,635 --> 01:02:26,635
it. But I just I don't I'm not

1748
01:02:26,875 --> 01:02:28,554
if I'm flirting with you, it's because I

1749
01:02:28,554 --> 01:02:29,914
like you and I love you and I

1750
01:02:29,914 --> 01:02:31,809
wanna be playful with with you. There's no

1751
01:02:31,809 --> 01:02:33,250
goal to it. You know what I mean?

1752
01:02:33,250 --> 01:02:35,269
It's more of Okay. At this point,

1753
01:02:35,730 --> 01:02:37,349
our weird, snarky,

1754
01:02:38,050 --> 01:02:38,550
sarcastic

1755
01:02:39,010 --> 01:02:41,190
flirting is a point of connection.

1756
01:02:41,489 --> 01:02:43,809
Mhmm. It's almost a form of communication. Like,

1757
01:02:43,809 --> 01:02:45,989
hey, I'm feeling playful. Are you feeling playful,

1758
01:02:46,005 --> 01:02:47,924
man? When it don't land though, when one

1759
01:02:47,924 --> 01:02:50,344
of you is feeling playful and you, like,

1760
01:02:50,404 --> 01:02:52,344
send your shot across the bow,

1761
01:02:53,125 --> 01:02:55,364
bow, you know, and it doesn't it doesn't

1762
01:02:55,364 --> 01:02:57,864
land? Oh, that's oh,

1763
01:02:58,644 --> 01:02:59,130
that's

1764
01:03:01,690 --> 01:03:03,309
not fun. So,

1765
01:03:04,009 --> 01:03:05,130
you know, I,

1766
01:03:10,089 --> 01:03:11,789
I don't know. Yeah. I

1767
01:03:12,250 --> 01:03:13,230
I was told

1768
01:03:13,594 --> 01:03:15,674
always after the fact that somebody thought I

1769
01:03:15,674 --> 01:03:17,514
was flirting, and I was like, by being

1770
01:03:17,514 --> 01:03:19,835
a bitch to you? If I had known

1771
01:03:19,835 --> 01:03:21,755
then what I know now, I would have

1772
01:03:21,755 --> 01:03:22,255
asked,

1773
01:03:22,795 --> 01:03:24,074
do you do you want me to step

1774
01:03:24,074 --> 01:03:24,894
on you? Like,

1775
01:03:25,449 --> 01:03:27,050
Do you wanna be domed? Is that what

1776
01:03:27,130 --> 01:03:28,989
I didn't know. I didn't know.

1777
01:03:29,530 --> 01:03:31,070
Man, if I had

1778
01:03:31,369 --> 01:03:31,869
some

1779
01:03:32,289 --> 01:03:32,789
of

1780
01:03:33,210 --> 01:03:35,369
the ways about me that I did twenty

1781
01:03:35,369 --> 01:03:36,809
years ago, not a lot, but a little

1782
01:03:36,809 --> 01:03:39,050
bit. It was an inkling. With the knowledge

1783
01:03:39,050 --> 01:03:39,949
I have now?

1784
01:03:40,985 --> 01:03:43,164
Oh, yeah. I'd, they'd be intimidated.

1785
01:03:47,945 --> 01:03:50,125
Yeah. Like, I don't thankfully,

1786
01:03:50,905 --> 01:03:52,204
within our audience,

1787
01:03:52,905 --> 01:03:53,644
on socials,

1788
01:03:54,090 --> 01:03:55,309
YouTube, podcast,

1789
01:03:55,690 --> 01:03:57,130
I don't deal with a lot of, like,

1790
01:03:57,130 --> 01:04:00,090
bullshit misogyny that that crap. I it's very

1791
01:04:00,090 --> 01:04:01,390
rare. It's usually a brando.

1792
01:04:03,210 --> 01:04:05,210
But so but I see it, right, all

1793
01:04:05,210 --> 01:04:05,789
the time.

1794
01:04:07,289 --> 01:04:08,875
I don't have to deal with it, but

1795
01:04:08,875 --> 01:04:10,875
I also won't deal with it in the

1796
01:04:10,875 --> 01:04:12,074
fact that I don't even wanna do the

1797
01:04:12,074 --> 01:04:12,815
clap back.

1798
01:04:13,194 --> 01:04:15,434
I don't have the energy to deal with

1799
01:04:15,434 --> 01:04:15,934
somebody's

1800
01:04:16,234 --> 01:04:17,375
dumbass self

1801
01:04:17,994 --> 01:04:20,234
with bull like, I'm just like, I no.

1802
01:04:20,234 --> 01:04:22,610
I have so many more important things. So

1803
01:04:22,610 --> 01:04:24,769
even though the me of now knows what

1804
01:04:24,769 --> 01:04:26,849
she could've and should've and would've said twenty

1805
01:04:26,849 --> 01:04:28,690
years ago, even if I had the opportunity

1806
01:04:28,690 --> 01:04:30,690
now, I'm like, no. I don't I don't

1807
01:04:30,690 --> 01:04:31,910
have time for you.

1808
01:04:33,170 --> 01:04:34,849
No. There's so many things,

1809
01:04:35,250 --> 01:04:37,005
better things I could be doing with my

1810
01:04:37,164 --> 01:04:39,964
precious limited time on this earth. It will

1811
01:04:39,964 --> 01:04:40,864
not be

1812
01:04:41,404 --> 01:04:42,384
clapping back

1813
01:04:42,684 --> 01:04:45,264
at dumbasses on the Internet. It

1814
01:04:46,045 --> 01:04:48,144
it won't. It won't. It won't.

1815
01:04:50,125 --> 01:04:50,880
Oh my gosh.

1816
01:04:52,799 --> 01:04:53,299
Oh,

1817
01:04:53,599 --> 01:04:54,579
thank you, Kim.

1818
01:04:56,159 --> 01:04:58,239
How long should I wait to meet my,

1819
01:04:58,639 --> 01:05:00,819
long distance relationship with daddy?

1820
01:05:02,239 --> 01:05:04,259
I think there is no set

1821
01:05:04,605 --> 01:05:06,684
time period. I think it is when you

1822
01:05:06,684 --> 01:05:07,505
feel comfortable

1823
01:05:07,804 --> 01:05:09,085
to do that. And when you feel like

1824
01:05:09,085 --> 01:05:10,844
you can meet in a safe way. Yeah.

1825
01:05:10,844 --> 01:05:12,385
And that they you know

1826
01:05:12,684 --> 01:05:14,684
and or just believe that they will respect

1827
01:05:14,684 --> 01:05:16,844
whatever your boundaries are. So meet in a

1828
01:05:17,005 --> 01:05:18,869
oh, there with the camera again. Meet in

1829
01:05:18,869 --> 01:05:20,010
a public place,

1830
01:05:21,670 --> 01:05:22,489
have a

1831
01:05:23,589 --> 01:05:25,529
a safe person that

1832
01:05:25,909 --> 01:05:26,409
knows

1833
01:05:27,109 --> 01:05:29,349
where you are and is and a safe

1834
01:05:29,349 --> 01:05:30,569
person is a check-in.

1835
01:05:30,869 --> 01:05:32,549
So they know you're going to meet up

1836
01:05:32,549 --> 01:05:34,184
with somebody that maybe you only know from

1837
01:05:34,664 --> 01:05:36,664
online. They know they don't have to know

1838
01:05:36,664 --> 01:05:38,265
the nature of it if they're not kinky

1839
01:05:38,265 --> 01:05:38,765
themselves.

1840
01:05:39,545 --> 01:05:42,125
They know where you're gonna be, the location.

1841
01:05:42,425 --> 01:05:43,785
Hell, these days, like, it used to be,

1842
01:05:43,785 --> 01:05:45,305
you just had to give somebody an address.

1843
01:05:45,305 --> 01:05:47,625
These days, you can do, like, the Life

1844
01:05:47,625 --> 01:05:49,739
three sixty thing. Right? You can share your

1845
01:05:49,739 --> 01:05:50,800
location, right?

1846
01:05:51,099 --> 01:05:52,880
They but that person knows

1847
01:05:53,660 --> 01:05:56,079
where you're going, how long you anticipate

1848
01:05:57,179 --> 01:05:58,480
being with this person,

1849
01:06:00,140 --> 01:06:02,160
who they are, legal name ideal.

1850
01:06:03,260 --> 01:06:04,219
I would not meet up with anybody who

1851
01:06:04,219 --> 01:06:06,085
is not not willing to give me their

1852
01:06:06,085 --> 01:06:08,485
legal name if you want like a hard

1853
01:06:08,485 --> 01:06:09,305
fast rule.

1854
01:06:10,485 --> 01:06:12,965
And then they are expecting you to I

1855
01:06:12,965 --> 01:06:15,125
would say call because anybody can send a

1856
01:06:15,125 --> 01:06:16,825
text from your phone call

1857
01:06:17,690 --> 01:06:20,250
and say, hey. Yeah. We're here. I did

1858
01:06:20,250 --> 01:06:21,789
the thing. All is well.

1859
01:06:22,250 --> 01:06:24,010
But if they don't get that call from

1860
01:06:24,010 --> 01:06:24,510
you,

1861
01:06:25,930 --> 01:06:28,090
they're like, they're calling 911. They're calling the

1862
01:06:28,090 --> 01:06:29,230
police. They're doing something.

1863
01:06:30,890 --> 01:06:31,390
And

1864
01:06:32,094 --> 01:06:34,835
a potential partner should have not one single

1865
01:06:34,894 --> 01:06:37,295
problem with you having that set up. JB

1866
01:06:37,295 --> 01:06:38,974
made sure I had one set up before

1867
01:06:38,974 --> 01:06:40,914
he would even agree to come visit.

1868
01:06:43,775 --> 01:06:45,869
So that is a thing to think of.

1869
01:06:47,150 --> 01:06:47,650
If

1870
01:06:48,430 --> 01:06:49,329
you are

1871
01:06:52,030 --> 01:06:53,869
if there is even a little bit of

1872
01:06:53,869 --> 01:06:55,570
doubt about their trustworthiness,

1873
01:06:58,494 --> 01:07:01,054
that the things they tell you are real,

1874
01:07:01,054 --> 01:07:03,054
even a little bit of doubt, it's probably

1875
01:07:03,054 --> 01:07:04,255
not the right time to meet them for

1876
01:07:04,255 --> 01:07:05,155
your own safety.

1877
01:07:08,255 --> 01:07:10,414
And, Andre said in live chat, start with

1878
01:07:10,414 --> 01:07:12,494
video chats if you haven't already. Yeah. For

1879
01:07:12,494 --> 01:07:14,269
sure. For sure. For sure.

1880
01:07:15,530 --> 01:07:16,590
But yeah. It's

1881
01:07:17,369 --> 01:07:19,130
it's you only you get to decide when

1882
01:07:19,130 --> 01:07:19,869
you're ready.

1883
01:07:20,890 --> 01:07:23,769
I do think it's a there's a a

1884
01:07:23,769 --> 01:07:25,769
bit of paying attention to the other person's

1885
01:07:25,769 --> 01:07:28,215
signals, especially once you start putting some, like,

1886
01:07:28,295 --> 01:07:29,755
firm boundaries in place,

1887
01:07:30,454 --> 01:07:31,894
about that visit. Right?

1888
01:07:32,215 --> 01:07:33,275
They're you know,

1889
01:07:34,215 --> 01:07:36,715
if you have no desire or you're not

1890
01:07:36,855 --> 01:07:39,414
comfortable enough to get intimate with them on

1891
01:07:39,414 --> 01:07:41,215
that first meeting, you know, that's not even

1892
01:07:41,215 --> 01:07:42,869
a thing we recommend. We did it, but

1893
01:07:42,950 --> 01:07:45,190
we don't recommend it. Mhmm. They should be

1894
01:07:45,190 --> 01:07:47,590
okay with that. They should, like, they should

1895
01:07:47,590 --> 01:07:49,530
be chill with, you know,

1896
01:07:49,910 --> 01:07:50,410
whatever

1897
01:07:51,190 --> 01:07:52,570
you need to do to feel

1898
01:07:52,869 --> 01:07:54,970
as safe and secure as as you can.

1899
01:07:55,750 --> 01:07:57,545
They should have have their own boundaries. Like,

1900
01:07:57,545 --> 01:07:58,204
if they're

1901
01:07:58,824 --> 01:08:00,984
acting like you can do anything and what

1902
01:08:01,144 --> 01:08:01,804
and nothing,

1903
01:08:02,264 --> 01:08:03,964
you know, it none of it matters.

1904
01:08:05,065 --> 01:08:07,065
To me, that's a little questionable. That's because

1905
01:08:07,065 --> 01:08:08,444
I don't trust no damn body.

1906
01:08:09,539 --> 01:08:11,539
But, yeah, those that to me, that's the

1907
01:08:11,539 --> 01:08:13,320
win. There's no time limit.

1908
01:08:13,619 --> 01:08:15,619
It's if it's been a year and you

1909
01:08:15,619 --> 01:08:17,140
haven't laid eyes on each other in a

1910
01:08:17,140 --> 01:08:18,039
physical space,

1911
01:08:18,659 --> 01:08:20,119
you're not doing it wrong.

1912
01:08:20,500 --> 01:08:21,079
You know?

1913
01:08:21,460 --> 01:08:22,359
If it's been

1914
01:08:23,275 --> 01:08:24,095
two weeks,

1915
01:08:25,835 --> 01:08:26,494
I mean,

1916
01:08:26,875 --> 01:08:27,614
from the

1917
01:08:27,994 --> 01:08:28,494
mom,

1918
01:08:28,795 --> 01:08:31,275
big sister, aunt vibe, I'll be like, oh,

1919
01:08:31,275 --> 01:08:32,574
that seems a little fast.

1920
01:08:33,195 --> 01:08:35,775
Seems a little fast. That's not best practices.

1921
01:08:35,914 --> 01:08:37,135
But I also know

1922
01:08:38,579 --> 01:08:40,280
shit happens and sometimes opportunities

1923
01:08:40,659 --> 01:08:42,579
arise. But at that point, then you're gonna

1924
01:08:42,579 --> 01:08:44,359
take your risk assessment

1925
01:08:45,060 --> 01:08:47,939
even more seriously than you might six months

1926
01:08:47,939 --> 01:08:49,780
down the line. You should always take it

1927
01:08:49,780 --> 01:08:51,800
seriously, but there's just, like, a level

1928
01:08:52,525 --> 01:08:54,845
of, like, have somebody with you or have

1929
01:08:54,845 --> 01:08:56,845
that safe person or only meet in a

1930
01:08:56,845 --> 01:08:59,805
public space or whatever, like, what rules. Lay

1931
01:08:59,805 --> 01:09:01,425
out rules if it's a fast meeting.

1932
01:09:01,805 --> 01:09:03,744
Fast meetings make me nervous, but

1933
01:09:04,045 --> 01:09:05,585
I don't trust anybody.

1934
01:09:09,710 --> 01:09:10,770
I just don't.

1935
01:09:12,829 --> 01:09:14,829
I mean, when we decided to see one

1936
01:09:14,829 --> 01:09:17,569
another was when it finally became too unbearable

1937
01:09:17,789 --> 01:09:20,114
to to not see each other. Right. And

1938
01:09:20,114 --> 01:09:21,875
we could make it work with our very

1939
01:09:21,875 --> 01:09:24,195
adult lives. Like, he had work, I had

1940
01:09:24,195 --> 01:09:24,695
work,

1941
01:09:25,155 --> 01:09:26,854
I had the kids. Like,

1942
01:09:27,475 --> 01:09:29,555
if for me to be feel comfortable meeting

1943
01:09:29,555 --> 01:09:31,074
him in person, I had to have a

1944
01:09:31,074 --> 01:09:32,609
place where my kids could go and they

1945
01:09:32,609 --> 01:09:34,149
were not going to be part of this

1946
01:09:34,369 --> 01:09:34,869
because

1947
01:09:35,170 --> 01:09:37,109
I had set a rule for myself that

1948
01:09:37,250 --> 01:09:38,929
my the kids were not going to meet

1949
01:09:38,929 --> 01:09:40,069
a partner of mine

1950
01:09:40,449 --> 01:09:43,909
until I was convinced it was genuinely serious

1951
01:09:44,289 --> 01:09:45,889
and this would have longevity. I was not

1952
01:09:45,889 --> 01:09:47,090
going to bring people in and out of

1953
01:09:47,090 --> 01:09:48,735
their lives. It was just a personal rule

1954
01:09:48,735 --> 01:09:49,475
I set.

1955
01:09:50,095 --> 01:09:52,175
So a lot of stars had to align

1956
01:09:52,175 --> 01:09:53,935
for us to even decide to, but by

1957
01:09:53,935 --> 01:09:55,854
the time we were having those conversations, we

1958
01:09:55,854 --> 01:09:58,175
were, like, chomping at the pit. We're like,

1959
01:09:58,175 --> 01:09:59,454
oh my god. When can we see each

1960
01:09:59,454 --> 01:10:01,295
other? And I think that makes a difference

1961
01:10:01,295 --> 01:10:02,195
too. Yeah.

1962
01:10:04,440 --> 01:10:05,900
I know we're going to

1963
01:10:06,680 --> 01:10:07,820
attempt to do

1964
01:10:08,600 --> 01:10:10,360
a bonus section, but I also know the

1965
01:10:10,360 --> 01:10:13,159
camera is giving you fits. Mhmm. So we

1966
01:10:13,159 --> 01:10:13,820
will be

1967
01:10:14,280 --> 01:10:16,380
done with taking questions. Yep.

1968
01:10:17,795 --> 01:10:20,054
And we will have a bonus section, but

1969
01:10:20,514 --> 01:10:22,354
I will try real hard not to string

1970
01:10:22,354 --> 01:10:24,534
it out. How does that does that work?

1971
01:10:24,755 --> 01:10:25,814
Perfect. Okay.

1972
01:10:26,274 --> 01:10:26,675
So,

1973
01:10:27,234 --> 01:10:29,554
on that note, are we good? I have

1974
01:10:29,554 --> 01:10:30,215
no idea.

1975
01:10:32,229 --> 01:10:33,750
Keep it kinky, y'all. I will see you

1976
01:10:33,750 --> 01:10:34,489
next week.

1977
01:10:43,670 --> 01:10:44,170
Dottie.

1978
01:10:45,635 --> 01:10:47,875
Dottie. Yeah? I know you're a little stressed

1979
01:10:47,875 --> 01:10:49,395
out and with good reason. I don't know

1980
01:10:49,395 --> 01:10:50,994
what the fuck's happening with our camera, but

1981
01:10:50,994 --> 01:10:53,094
can I talk to the crickets? Yeah. Okay.

1982
01:10:55,555 --> 01:10:57,975
Do I have anything other than being fucking

1983
01:10:58,194 --> 01:11:00,569
cranky because of a a not

1984
01:11:00,869 --> 01:11:01,850
nap nap.

1985
01:11:04,630 --> 01:11:06,329
I am working on the neurodivergent

1986
01:11:06,789 --> 01:11:07,289
series.

1987
01:11:09,109 --> 01:11:11,510
I realized a lot of my understanding of

1988
01:11:11,510 --> 01:11:13,909
neurodivergence came from the Internet, not just social

1989
01:11:13,909 --> 01:11:16,055
media, but, like, articles I was reading online.

1990
01:11:16,055 --> 01:11:17,814
I was like, I would like to, like,

1991
01:11:17,814 --> 01:11:20,555
put my hands on top recommended books.

1992
01:11:21,095 --> 01:11:22,935
And I meant to do that through the

1993
01:11:22,935 --> 01:11:26,215
Libby app, but then my library does not

1994
01:11:26,215 --> 01:11:27,435
have the ebooks

1995
01:11:28,135 --> 01:11:30,135
for the books I wanted. That was very

1996
01:11:30,135 --> 01:11:30,539
frustrating.

1997
01:11:32,859 --> 01:11:33,359
So

1998
01:11:34,220 --> 01:11:36,159
I went to check out the physical books,

1999
01:11:36,380 --> 01:11:37,840
and I read a lot slower.

2000
01:11:38,539 --> 01:11:40,619
A lot slower with the physical book because

2001
01:11:40,619 --> 01:11:41,979
I have to take my glasses off. I

2002
01:11:41,979 --> 01:11:43,979
have to have a very bright light over

2003
01:11:43,979 --> 01:11:46,114
me, and I have to angle the book

2004
01:11:46,814 --> 01:11:47,635
close enough

2005
01:11:48,015 --> 01:11:49,314
so I can see it,

2006
01:11:49,614 --> 01:11:50,975
but not too far down so I get

2007
01:11:50,975 --> 01:11:52,734
a crick in my neck because oh, my

2008
01:11:53,055 --> 01:11:55,375
nope, nope, my neck does and so this

2009
01:11:55,375 --> 01:11:56,114
is me

2010
01:11:57,135 --> 01:11:59,680
in my a weird head angle, a weird

2011
01:11:59,680 --> 01:12:01,260
book angle, a

2012
01:12:02,680 --> 01:12:06,280
glaring light over my head. It's a fun

2013
01:12:06,280 --> 01:12:07,979
time. It's a fun time.

2014
01:12:10,039 --> 01:12:11,800
These damn eyes. I don't know. I don't

2015
01:12:11,800 --> 01:12:12,300
know.

2016
01:12:12,680 --> 01:12:13,180
So

2017
01:12:15,164 --> 01:12:16,625
but I am working on it.

2018
01:12:18,204 --> 01:12:18,704
I

2019
01:12:19,324 --> 01:12:21,164
realized we've done this a couple years in

2020
01:12:21,164 --> 01:12:22,224
a row. Mhmm.

2021
01:12:22,604 --> 01:12:24,444
So all I can tell you is the

2022
01:12:24,444 --> 01:12:26,125
virtual summit of which we have been a

2023
01:12:26,125 --> 01:12:27,724
part of for the past two years is

2024
01:12:27,724 --> 01:12:29,320
coming back. We will be talking more about

2025
01:12:29,320 --> 01:12:29,900
it next

2026
01:12:31,320 --> 01:12:33,159
week. And, yes, of course, we did. We

2027
01:12:33,159 --> 01:12:33,979
did a presentation

2028
01:12:34,280 --> 01:12:35,100
as we do.

2029
01:12:35,880 --> 01:12:37,800
Past couple at least one of the years

2030
01:12:37,800 --> 01:12:39,100
we did it, it

2031
01:12:41,000 --> 01:12:42,380
inspired a series

2032
01:12:42,855 --> 01:12:44,395
Mhmm. For the podcast.

2033
01:12:45,095 --> 01:12:47,655
Yeah. This one in my in my brain

2034
01:12:47,655 --> 01:12:49,515
hole has also inspired

2035
01:12:50,775 --> 01:12:53,414
a series. Yeah. It'll be a companion. So

2036
01:12:53,414 --> 01:12:53,914
the

2037
01:12:54,534 --> 01:12:55,114
the presentational

2038
01:12:55,574 --> 01:12:56,074
happen

2039
01:12:56,399 --> 01:12:59,520
on our scheduled day and time. And then

2040
01:12:59,520 --> 01:13:00,020
probably

2041
01:13:00,560 --> 01:13:02,020
the week after that,

2042
01:13:02,560 --> 01:13:03,300
I'll I'll

2043
01:13:04,079 --> 01:13:04,479
My,

2044
01:13:04,960 --> 01:13:07,199
start the series. I I know after recording

2045
01:13:07,199 --> 01:13:08,479
it and what you had to do to

2046
01:13:08,479 --> 01:13:09,699
edit it, you were like

2047
01:13:10,719 --> 01:13:11,779
Oh my god.

2048
01:13:12,079 --> 01:13:12,375
Oh my

2049
01:13:13,895 --> 01:13:14,635
Oh my

2050
01:13:14,935 --> 01:13:16,154
god. Yes.

2051
01:13:17,095 --> 01:13:20,135
Yeah. Yeah. I learned that the video editing

2052
01:13:20,135 --> 01:13:22,135
software that I've been using for about three

2053
01:13:22,135 --> 01:13:22,954
years now,

2054
01:13:24,215 --> 01:13:27,489
went completely obsolete. The webs was no longer

2055
01:13:27,489 --> 01:13:30,050
supported by the creator. The website where you

2056
01:13:30,050 --> 01:13:32,449
would go for blah blah blah Mhmm. Like,

2057
01:13:32,449 --> 01:13:35,350
died on 01/01/2025.

2058
01:13:35,569 --> 01:13:36,310
Oh, gosh.

2059
01:13:37,409 --> 01:13:38,789
It's 2026.

2060
01:13:39,090 --> 01:13:40,274
In case somebody's keeping

2061
01:13:40,755 --> 01:13:43,875
up. And that it was that editing that

2062
01:13:43,875 --> 01:13:44,375
video

2063
01:13:45,154 --> 01:13:46,135
for that presentation

2064
01:13:46,435 --> 01:13:46,935
where

2065
01:13:47,715 --> 01:13:50,994
my app finally decided to stop working properly.

2066
01:13:50,994 --> 01:13:52,594
And, of course, there's no support for it

2067
01:13:52,594 --> 01:13:53,094
thing.

2068
01:13:53,715 --> 01:13:54,375
You know?

2069
01:13:54,760 --> 01:13:56,619
It does not live on my computer anymore.

2070
01:13:56,760 --> 01:13:57,579
I did get

2071
01:13:57,960 --> 01:13:59,820
something new, which I have not used yet.

2072
01:14:00,039 --> 01:14:00,539
But,

2073
01:14:02,520 --> 01:14:03,659
yeah, I've got plans.

2074
01:14:04,680 --> 01:14:07,500
So for Dom Sub Virtual Summit,

2075
01:14:08,199 --> 01:14:09,340
we get thirty minutes

2076
01:14:10,414 --> 01:14:12,335
max. I always tell myself, man, maybe we

2077
01:14:12,335 --> 01:14:14,414
can keep it to, like, twenty minutes. We

2078
01:14:14,414 --> 01:14:16,734
cannot keep it to twenty minutes. We always

2079
01:14:16,734 --> 01:14:17,234
record

2080
01:14:17,694 --> 01:14:19,715
at least forty five minutes of content.

2081
01:14:20,335 --> 01:14:23,154
I will be doing something with the raw

2082
01:14:23,215 --> 01:14:23,715
content

2083
01:14:24,250 --> 01:14:26,010
from all of our different presentations in the

2084
01:14:26,010 --> 01:14:27,949
future. I have a very big long list

2085
01:14:28,329 --> 01:14:29,949
written out sitting on my desk.

2086
01:14:33,050 --> 01:14:33,550
But

2087
01:14:36,729 --> 01:14:39,574
yeah. Yeah. So I've got two series

2088
01:14:39,954 --> 01:14:40,855
in my mind.

2089
01:14:41,395 --> 01:14:43,635
The one series from the presentation we did,

2090
01:14:43,635 --> 01:14:46,135
there goes a camera again, will be easier.

2091
01:14:47,315 --> 01:14:48,055
The neurodivergent

2092
01:14:48,435 --> 01:14:50,435
series, I'm trying to be very careful about

2093
01:14:50,435 --> 01:14:51,810
because I wanna do it right.

2094
01:14:55,729 --> 01:14:56,229
So

2095
01:14:57,970 --> 01:14:58,869
that is coming.

2096
01:15:01,649 --> 01:15:02,390
What else?

2097
01:15:04,375 --> 01:15:05,594
The kids are good.

2098
01:15:05,974 --> 01:15:07,274
The animals are good.

2099
01:15:09,814 --> 01:15:10,314
JB

2100
01:15:11,014 --> 01:15:12,774
JB is frustrated with the camera for a

2101
01:15:12,774 --> 01:15:13,514
good reason.

2102
01:15:14,534 --> 01:15:16,474
I honestly don't know if it is the

2103
01:15:17,409 --> 01:15:19,590
Software? Or the camera at this point

2104
01:15:20,449 --> 01:15:23,170
because it keeps saying it it it's not

2105
01:15:23,170 --> 01:15:24,469
communicating with the camera.

2106
01:15:29,864 --> 01:15:31,005
Yeah. So

2107
01:15:32,184 --> 01:15:34,824
We have picture again. Mhmm. Yay. For the

2108
01:15:34,824 --> 01:15:36,604
time being. For the time being.

2109
01:15:37,784 --> 01:15:39,164
Yeah. I've been in a

2110
01:15:40,425 --> 01:15:42,444
kind of creative is the right word.

2111
01:15:43,145 --> 01:15:46,149
But because maybe a little creativity, but I've

2112
01:15:46,149 --> 01:15:48,389
been in a, headspace where I can plan

2113
01:15:48,389 --> 01:15:50,069
shit again. I don't know how long it's

2114
01:15:50,069 --> 01:15:51,750
gonna last. I have had to come to

2115
01:15:51,750 --> 01:15:54,329
terms and make peace of the fact that,

2116
01:15:55,109 --> 01:15:57,125
just because I am capable of doing something

2117
01:15:57,125 --> 01:15:58,885
today and want to do something and can

2118
01:15:58,885 --> 01:16:01,045
plan for shit and can keep it up

2119
01:16:01,045 --> 01:16:02,024
maybe even for

2120
01:16:02,885 --> 01:16:05,145
days or even a couple weeks, few weeks,

2121
01:16:06,164 --> 01:16:07,765
straight, does not mean it will always be

2122
01:16:07,765 --> 01:16:10,187
this way. So we make, hey. Well, the

2123
01:16:10,187 --> 01:16:11,109
sun sun is fucking

2124
01:16:11,689 --> 01:16:12,189
shining.

2125
01:16:12,770 --> 01:16:14,289
Because I have found that if I can

2126
01:16:14,289 --> 01:16:16,069
make the plan while I'm in the headset

2127
01:16:16,210 --> 01:16:18,229
headspace where I can make the plan,

2128
01:16:19,090 --> 01:16:21,890
even when I'm kinda struggling with focus and

2129
01:16:21,890 --> 01:16:23,510
attention and whatever,

2130
01:16:23,994 --> 01:16:25,835
I can still work on a plan as

2131
01:16:25,835 --> 01:16:27,274
long as the plan is already there, as

2132
01:16:27,274 --> 01:16:28,875
long as I know what the steps are.

2133
01:16:28,875 --> 01:16:32,074
Yeah. Yeah. I I can slowly work on

2134
01:16:32,074 --> 01:16:33,295
it. So

2135
01:16:38,279 --> 01:16:39,159
So, yeah. That,

2136
01:16:40,119 --> 01:16:41,099
that's all happening.

2137
01:16:41,479 --> 01:16:42,699
Yeah. Is there anything

2138
01:16:43,319 --> 01:16:46,119
I I have been working my tail off

2139
01:16:46,119 --> 01:16:48,520
in the shop. Mhmm. You're gonna get an

2140
01:16:48,520 --> 01:16:49,020
AC,

2141
01:16:49,399 --> 01:16:51,800
window AC unit for your shop this summer.

2142
01:16:51,880 --> 01:16:52,779
Getting yes.

2143
01:16:53,114 --> 01:16:56,074
Mhmm. Yep. Because we there we will just

2144
01:16:56,074 --> 01:16:58,235
be sold out of everything for the six

2145
01:16:58,235 --> 01:17:00,155
to eight business months that is a Florida

2146
01:17:00,155 --> 01:17:01,855
summer if he doesn't get one.

2147
01:17:02,635 --> 01:17:04,975
Yeah. I think I'm gonna have to start

2148
01:17:05,034 --> 01:17:07,935
putting up, reminders for candle sales

2149
01:17:09,210 --> 01:17:11,210
that so folks will understand that if you

2150
01:17:11,210 --> 01:17:13,130
order a can a wax plate candle from

2151
01:17:13,130 --> 01:17:15,309
us in the middle of the fucking summer,

2152
01:17:15,369 --> 01:17:17,210
it will probably be soft when it arrives.

2153
01:17:17,210 --> 01:17:19,210
They've I've never had a report that it's

2154
01:17:19,210 --> 01:17:19,710
melted.

2155
01:17:20,170 --> 01:17:22,170
Yeah. But they will be fucking soft in

2156
01:17:22,170 --> 01:17:22,909
there. Mhmm.

2157
01:17:28,225 --> 01:17:29,125
So yeah.

2158
01:17:29,984 --> 01:17:30,484
Everything's

2159
01:17:31,425 --> 01:17:33,264
I'm not trying to rock the fucking boat.

2160
01:17:33,264 --> 01:17:35,204
I'm not gonna jinx myself and

2161
01:17:35,744 --> 01:17:38,869
say things are away, but they are the

2162
01:17:38,869 --> 01:17:40,310
way that they are, and I am not

2163
01:17:40,310 --> 01:17:42,869
unhappy with that. So there you go. Mhmm.

2164
01:17:43,750 --> 01:17:45,270
I mean, other than that too, I've been

2165
01:17:45,270 --> 01:17:45,770
spending,

2166
01:17:46,310 --> 01:17:48,229
very happy with getting my little,

2167
01:17:49,270 --> 01:17:49,770
computer

2168
01:17:51,349 --> 01:17:52,569
set up in the

2169
01:17:53,314 --> 01:17:55,954
in this now spare ish room. Okay. I

2170
01:17:55,954 --> 01:17:57,475
don't usually go to the hive mind for

2171
01:17:57,475 --> 01:17:59,795
things because I have this really weird reaction

2172
01:17:59,795 --> 01:18:01,795
when people give me their advice unsolicited, but

2173
01:18:01,795 --> 01:18:03,574
this is not unsolicited advice.

2174
01:18:04,594 --> 01:18:05,094
Ella

2175
01:18:05,929 --> 01:18:09,289
keeps peeing in places, but the place is

2176
01:18:09,289 --> 01:18:11,369
this now spare bedroom used to be the

2177
01:18:11,369 --> 01:18:12,510
20 year old's bedroom.

2178
01:18:13,050 --> 01:18:14,810
And I have done things to get the

2179
01:18:14,810 --> 01:18:16,250
smell out, and it is not getting the

2180
01:18:16,250 --> 01:18:17,529
smell out. Now I do think there's a

2181
01:18:17,529 --> 01:18:18,829
corner I have not found

2182
01:18:19,295 --> 01:18:20,514
that needs to be cleaned there.

2183
01:18:20,895 --> 01:18:21,554
If you

2184
01:18:22,654 --> 01:18:24,654
have loved a cat that is pissed all

2185
01:18:24,654 --> 01:18:27,715
over carpet and you have some actual

2186
01:18:28,175 --> 01:18:30,814
things that actually work, even if they're out

2187
01:18:30,814 --> 01:18:32,494
of the box, please Yeah. Please let me

2188
01:18:32,494 --> 01:18:34,560
know. You can DM. You can email. You

2189
01:18:34,560 --> 01:18:35,380
can do whatever.

2190
01:18:35,760 --> 01:18:38,020
Are are you part of our Patreon Discord?

2191
01:18:38,479 --> 01:18:41,119
Let me know because I lit they I

2192
01:18:41,199 --> 01:18:42,560
I've always hated the fact that you do

2193
01:18:42,560 --> 01:18:44,159
not have a good sense of smell because

2194
01:18:44,159 --> 01:18:46,719
of all the sinus stuff of Yeah. But

2195
01:18:46,719 --> 01:18:48,719
I you can spend time in that room,

2196
01:18:48,719 --> 01:18:50,774
and I literally cannot walk in. Yeah. I

2197
01:18:50,774 --> 01:18:52,454
can't. Smells so strong to me. I don't

2198
01:18:52,454 --> 01:18:54,295
smell anything. I am a little sensitive to

2199
01:18:54,295 --> 01:18:56,774
smells in general, but I have to Now

2200
01:18:56,774 --> 01:18:58,694
when I'm I'm in there too, especially right

2201
01:18:58,694 --> 01:19:01,755
now, both windows are It's still not enough.

2202
01:19:01,814 --> 01:19:03,335
You have that fan going the windows open.

2203
01:19:03,335 --> 01:19:03,835
Yeah.

2204
01:19:04,295 --> 01:19:06,289
I spent I spent a long time cleaning

2205
01:19:06,289 --> 01:19:07,269
that carpet out

2206
01:19:07,569 --> 01:19:09,969
with the pet odor kind of cleaner, blah

2207
01:19:09,969 --> 01:19:10,869
de blah de blah.

2208
01:19:11,649 --> 01:19:15,489
Nothing is working. I mean, right now, if

2209
01:19:15,489 --> 01:19:18,050
I don't find the thing that works without

2210
01:19:18,050 --> 01:19:20,704
ruining the carpet, I'm ready to rip carpet

2211
01:19:20,704 --> 01:19:21,925
up and put down Yeah.

2212
01:19:22,305 --> 01:19:25,024
The vinyl stuff that just locks together. It's

2213
01:19:25,024 --> 01:19:27,345
imperfect. I that's not what I want for

2214
01:19:27,345 --> 01:19:28,704
any of the bedrooms. I like that the

2215
01:19:28,704 --> 01:19:31,265
bedrooms are carpeted, but I can't do it.

2216
01:19:31,265 --> 01:19:32,324
I can't do it.

2217
01:19:33,010 --> 01:19:34,469
And it's really mainly that

2218
01:19:35,170 --> 01:19:37,429
room. It is just that room. Yeah.

2219
01:19:38,770 --> 01:19:39,909
Oh god. It's miserable.

2220
01:19:40,850 --> 01:19:43,729
It's miserable. Sometimes I wonder if she's,

2221
01:19:44,929 --> 01:19:46,949
not upset because her real

2222
01:19:47,314 --> 01:19:49,555
person isn't here anymore. No. She would've been

2223
01:19:49,555 --> 01:19:51,074
doing it for a lot longer. I think

2224
01:19:51,074 --> 01:19:52,295
she don't feel good.

2225
01:19:53,155 --> 01:19:53,655
And

2226
01:19:54,034 --> 01:19:54,854
she is

2227
01:19:55,235 --> 01:19:57,155
oh, I love Ella, but she's a bitch

2228
01:19:57,155 --> 01:19:58,295
from fucking hell.

2229
01:19:58,835 --> 01:20:00,435
Girl after my own heart, but I don't

2230
01:20:00,435 --> 01:20:02,909
pee on everything. Mhmm. And with her not

2231
01:20:02,909 --> 01:20:03,890
feeling good

2232
01:20:07,350 --> 01:20:07,970
Yeah. Yeah.

2233
01:20:11,470 --> 01:20:13,470
Everybody in the live chat is is saying

2234
01:20:13,550 --> 01:20:15,630
thank you, silent for the enzyme cleaner. I

2235
01:20:15,630 --> 01:20:17,630
always forget those exist. I like I've heard

2236
01:20:17,630 --> 01:20:19,366
of them, but I don't ever think of

2237
01:20:19,366 --> 01:20:22,272
them. So okay. I will look for an

2238
01:20:22,272 --> 01:20:24,855
enzyme cleaner to try that next. Yeah. But,

2239
01:20:24,855 --> 01:20:27,761
yeah, the carpet If it's soaked way in,

2240
01:20:27,761 --> 01:20:29,052
yeah, it's not gonna

2241
01:20:29,698 --> 01:20:32,210
coming out. Oh my god. Yeah.

2242
01:20:32,590 --> 01:20:34,030
We know we're not staying here forever. We

2243
01:20:34,030 --> 01:20:35,390
know it's gonna go up on the market

2244
01:20:35,390 --> 01:20:37,970
at some point. Yeah. There's no way I'm

2245
01:20:38,270 --> 01:20:40,850
I'm not letting the smell of cat pee

2246
01:20:40,909 --> 01:20:42,850
take down the value of our fucking house.

2247
01:20:43,150 --> 01:20:46,344
So myself will rip out carpet. Yeah.

2248
01:20:47,444 --> 01:20:49,045
Yeah. And I don't know if it did

2249
01:20:49,284 --> 01:20:51,784
you know, Sean was talking about the subfloor.

2250
01:20:52,005 --> 01:20:52,404
Mhmm.

2251
01:20:52,885 --> 01:20:55,524
It's just concrete. Yeah. Thankfully, for us, it

2252
01:20:55,524 --> 01:20:57,284
is. Yeah. But if it's the carpet pad

2253
01:20:58,310 --> 01:20:59,750
Well, no. There is a carpet pad. What

2254
01:20:59,750 --> 01:21:01,030
I'm saying is if it's soaked into the

2255
01:21:01,030 --> 01:21:03,750
carpet pad Right. Yes. Yes. Yes. It's gonna

2256
01:21:03,750 --> 01:21:04,250
be

2257
01:21:04,710 --> 01:21:06,310
damn near impossible to get out. Okay. Kim

2258
01:21:06,310 --> 01:21:08,390
has said vinegar. Okay. I got vinegar. I

2259
01:21:08,390 --> 01:21:09,850
got vinegar. I got.

2260
01:21:11,350 --> 01:21:12,055
Oh, lord.

2261
01:21:12,435 --> 01:21:14,914
Yeah. It's unbearable because we that was the

2262
01:21:14,914 --> 01:21:17,715
room, one that's got a workspace for JB

2263
01:21:17,715 --> 01:21:19,875
for one of the tools that's we're still

2264
01:21:19,875 --> 01:21:21,795
working on. Mhmm. But even once that's finished,

2265
01:21:21,795 --> 01:21:23,155
I want that room to be we have

2266
01:21:23,155 --> 01:21:24,675
a walking pad, and I wanna use that

2267
01:21:24,675 --> 01:21:26,295
when it's too hot to go outside.

2268
01:21:27,050 --> 01:21:28,729
But I can't I can't stand being in

2269
01:21:28,729 --> 01:21:28,970
there. Just

2270
01:21:32,890 --> 01:21:34,970
Okay. Can soak into the concrete too. But

2271
01:21:34,970 --> 01:21:36,729
soaking it in, Zonklay. Thank you to the

2272
01:21:36,729 --> 01:21:39,470
live chat. Sorry, podcast listeners are like,

2273
01:21:40,175 --> 01:21:42,015
y'all are just y'all are just rambling now.

2274
01:21:42,015 --> 01:21:44,414
I well, more so than usual. Yeah.

2275
01:21:45,295 --> 01:21:46,835
So yeah. Thank you. Mhmm.

2276
01:21:47,375 --> 01:21:49,854
I do I I can foresee a future

2277
01:21:49,854 --> 01:21:51,635
where I'm ripping up carpet, but Yeah.

2278
01:21:52,220 --> 01:21:54,880
I'll try these other things first. Mhmm.

2279
01:21:55,500 --> 01:21:56,399
Just Yeah.

2280
01:21:57,100 --> 01:21:59,340
God. I know. No. That's true. She hadn't

2281
01:21:59,340 --> 01:22:00,079
been doing

2282
01:22:01,100 --> 01:22:03,600
it prior, but now can't like, okay. So

2283
01:22:03,820 --> 01:22:04,619
buy the

2284
01:22:05,125 --> 01:22:07,045
I out all of our litter boxes, we

2285
01:22:07,045 --> 01:22:09,284
now have these, like, rubber silicone, I don't

2286
01:22:09,284 --> 01:22:11,125
know what they're made of, mats. Mhmm. So

2287
01:22:11,125 --> 01:22:12,804
that when she pees outside of the litter

2288
01:22:12,804 --> 01:22:14,564
box, which she was doing and is still

2289
01:22:14,564 --> 01:22:16,404
doing but differently now, I am gonna have

2290
01:22:16,404 --> 01:22:17,844
to keep cleaning up the floor. And one

2291
01:22:17,844 --> 01:22:19,364
of the floors is hardwood floor, and so

2292
01:22:19,364 --> 01:22:20,824
we didn't want that to soak in.

2293
01:22:21,170 --> 01:22:23,570
So that has made life easier for cleanup,

2294
01:22:23,570 --> 01:22:25,670
but what I have noticed is the sheer

2295
01:22:25,810 --> 01:22:28,070
volume of pee outside

2296
01:22:28,449 --> 01:22:29,270
the litter box.

2297
01:22:29,810 --> 01:22:31,729
It's healthy pee. We're not peeing the wrong

2298
01:22:31,729 --> 01:22:33,829
colors anymore, so that's working.

2299
01:22:34,369 --> 01:22:37,304
And I, like, I cannot figure out,

2300
01:22:37,764 --> 01:22:39,704
is it that she can't hold it anymore

2301
01:22:39,764 --> 01:22:41,284
at a certain point? Like, it's not all

2302
01:22:41,284 --> 01:22:42,505
the time, but, like,

2303
01:22:43,444 --> 01:22:45,045
is it she does not like the state

2304
01:22:45,045 --> 01:22:46,965
of her litter box that I have made

2305
01:22:46,965 --> 01:22:48,984
my part time job to keep clean?

2306
01:22:49,604 --> 01:22:52,079
I I don't know. Is she

2307
01:22:53,020 --> 01:22:55,199
I don't know. I don't know. Yeah.

2308
01:22:55,819 --> 01:22:57,979
At this point, we probably pretty much have

2309
01:22:57,979 --> 01:23:00,619
her closed off from every room Mhmm. In

2310
01:23:00,619 --> 01:23:01,680
the house. Mhmm.

2311
01:23:02,060 --> 01:23:02,560
Yeah.

2312
01:23:03,364 --> 01:23:05,204
Yeah. So her new place was to, a

2313
01:23:05,204 --> 01:23:07,685
couple times, go into low onto Lola's car

2314
01:23:07,685 --> 01:23:09,364
or into her crate Into her bed, ma'am.

2315
01:23:09,445 --> 01:23:10,824
Not to make big messes,

2316
01:23:11,604 --> 01:23:13,284
but enough that Lola was like, I'm not

2317
01:23:13,284 --> 01:23:15,204
getting in there. Mhmm. And we were washing

2318
01:23:15,204 --> 01:23:16,885
all of her bedding. All her bedding had

2319
01:23:16,885 --> 01:23:17,625
to be washed.

2320
01:23:19,420 --> 01:23:19,920
Yep.

2321
01:23:24,139 --> 01:23:26,059
Andre asked if we've tried different cat litters.

2322
01:23:26,059 --> 01:23:27,679
That is what started

2323
01:23:28,219 --> 01:23:30,479
us realizing she had a problem with urination

2324
01:23:30,539 --> 01:23:33,819
because we did switch litter boxes Mhmm. Or

2325
01:23:33,819 --> 01:23:35,085
switch litters, and we went

2326
01:23:37,085 --> 01:23:37,244
through a very slow process. And then one

2327
01:23:37,244 --> 01:23:40,364
day, I went I just made the shift

2328
01:23:40,364 --> 01:23:42,604
over, and she hated it. So I made

2329
01:23:42,604 --> 01:23:44,444
the shift back, and we took her to

2330
01:23:44,444 --> 01:23:45,024
the vet.

2331
01:23:45,645 --> 01:23:47,940
And then after a while, she hated the

2332
01:23:47,940 --> 01:23:49,539
combo of the old litter that she did

2333
01:23:49,539 --> 01:23:51,220
love and the new litter that she tolerated.

2334
01:23:51,220 --> 01:23:52,340
And I the only way I could get

2335
01:23:52,340 --> 01:23:53,539
her to pee in a litter box was

2336
01:23:53,539 --> 01:23:55,460
to give her all of the current kind

2337
01:23:55,460 --> 01:23:56,680
of litter we're using.

2338
01:23:57,220 --> 01:23:59,220
And so because she she goes in the

2339
01:23:59,220 --> 01:24:01,140
litter boxes. We have three litter boxes for

2340
01:24:01,140 --> 01:24:03,140
two cats because that's what cat daddy said

2341
01:24:03,140 --> 01:24:05,024
to do. And I hate having to clean

2342
01:24:05,024 --> 01:24:06,005
all those litter boxes,

2343
01:24:06,545 --> 01:24:08,305
but it does work. It the house is

2344
01:24:08,305 --> 01:24:09,844
not stinky because it's

2345
01:24:10,305 --> 01:24:12,145
it's not just all one and clumping in

2346
01:24:12,145 --> 01:24:12,725
the hood.

2347
01:24:13,984 --> 01:24:14,484
But,

2348
01:24:15,739 --> 01:24:17,579
she uses them. She pees in them. Oh,

2349
01:24:17,579 --> 01:24:19,100
yeah. She shits in them, but there are

2350
01:24:19,100 --> 01:24:20,000
just times

2351
01:24:20,939 --> 01:24:21,680
she doesn't.

2352
01:24:27,180 --> 01:24:27,680
Yeah.

2353
01:24:28,140 --> 01:24:29,340
So yeah. It's a

2354
01:24:30,885 --> 01:24:32,404
a It's a mystery. And I'm keeping my

2355
01:24:32,404 --> 01:24:34,564
calm with her. Nobody else is. Everybody else

2356
01:24:34,564 --> 01:24:36,564
is pissed that she's peeing everywhere. I'm keeping

2357
01:24:36,564 --> 01:24:38,425
my calm about that. But I also want

2358
01:24:38,484 --> 01:24:41,045
to fix I under I understand she hadn't

2359
01:24:41,045 --> 01:24:42,185
been feeling well.

2360
01:24:42,564 --> 01:24:44,739
But it's still frustrating. It is frustrating. I

2361
01:24:44,739 --> 01:24:46,500
just don't, you know, I don't get angry

2362
01:24:46,500 --> 01:24:48,340
at a cat that can't speak English to

2363
01:24:48,340 --> 01:24:48,840
me.

2364
01:24:50,579 --> 01:24:51,939
Like, if she could just tell me and

2365
01:24:51,939 --> 01:24:53,539
talk to me, what the if if she

2366
01:24:53,539 --> 01:24:55,619
could speak and she said, oh, it's because

2367
01:24:55,619 --> 01:24:57,694
I hate you motherfuckers. Well, then I'd be

2368
01:24:57,694 --> 01:24:58,755
pissed. Okay?

2369
01:25:00,094 --> 01:25:02,014
But I'm running off the assumption that she

2370
01:25:02,014 --> 01:25:04,414
is not completely well. I mean, they'd even

2371
01:25:04,414 --> 01:25:06,734
said if the bladder stones Ella has bladder

2372
01:25:06,734 --> 01:25:08,514
stones if you had not heard. If,

2373
01:25:09,220 --> 01:25:11,539
Ella's bladder stones were gonna shrink, it was,

2374
01:25:11,539 --> 01:25:14,340
like, three months Yeah. On the special diet

2375
01:25:14,340 --> 01:25:16,180
before we'd seen it. And it's been only

2376
01:25:16,180 --> 01:25:17,479
a few weeks. So

2377
01:25:20,420 --> 01:25:22,340
oh, silent. Thank you. I did not know

2378
01:25:22,340 --> 01:25:24,465
that cat daddy had a stain and odor

2379
01:25:24,465 --> 01:25:26,085
remover. I will check that out.

2380
01:25:27,505 --> 01:25:30,405
Yeah. Onyx? Onyx is like a champ. Okay?

2381
01:25:30,625 --> 01:25:32,625
Onyx thinks she is still in the wild,

2382
01:25:32,625 --> 01:25:34,465
so she covers everything that comes out of

2383
01:25:34,465 --> 01:25:36,539
her body Mhmm. So predators will not find

2384
01:25:36,539 --> 01:25:38,319
it. Okay? She will cover,

2385
01:25:38,859 --> 01:25:40,039
Ella's messes

2386
01:25:40,460 --> 01:25:42,619
And you're to keep predators away. Yes. She

2387
01:25:42,619 --> 01:25:44,220
has. She has covered. Onyx don't play with

2388
01:25:44,220 --> 01:25:46,880
that shit. No. Onyx Onyx is very fastidious.

2389
01:25:47,979 --> 01:25:49,899
If though, if you notice, there are two

2390
01:25:49,899 --> 01:25:50,800
eating spots.

2391
01:25:51,965 --> 01:25:54,125
Onyx is a very neat eater. She is.

2392
01:25:54,125 --> 01:25:56,604
Ella is. She's very delicate. Ella is it

2393
01:25:56,604 --> 01:25:58,524
it goes everywhere. Puts her face in her

2394
01:25:58,524 --> 01:25:59,164
food and goes

2395
01:25:59,765 --> 01:26:00,864
Yeah. Okay.

2396
01:26:01,324 --> 01:26:01,824
Yeah.

2397
01:26:02,444 --> 01:26:05,024
Yeah. That's what the hell she does. Yeah.

2398
01:26:05,085 --> 01:26:06,064
And, you know,

2399
01:26:07,090 --> 01:26:08,869
I I get it. I get it.

2400
01:26:09,569 --> 01:26:09,810
But

2401
01:26:10,529 --> 01:26:13,109
Mhmm. Yeah. She's just it's frustrating. Yeah.

2402
01:26:13,489 --> 01:26:15,969
We will try the things. Mhmm. We'll try

2403
01:26:15,969 --> 01:26:16,930
the things. See what,

2404
01:26:17,649 --> 01:26:18,710
what we can do.

2405
01:26:20,185 --> 01:26:22,985
Alright. On that note Mhmm. We've been fortunate.

2406
01:26:22,985 --> 01:26:24,505
So far, the camera hasn't turned off. So

2407
01:26:24,505 --> 01:26:26,425
let's get going while the getting's good or

2408
01:26:26,425 --> 01:26:28,905
something like that. Otherwise, yeah. I've been enjoying

2409
01:26:28,905 --> 01:26:31,145
the computer in there. I've got Terraria set

2410
01:26:31,145 --> 01:26:32,604
up there on it now.

2411
01:26:33,710 --> 01:26:34,449
Have a,

2412
01:26:34,829 --> 01:26:36,449
k patient, a card game.

2413
01:26:37,630 --> 01:26:38,850
And what else?

2414
01:26:39,469 --> 01:26:41,189
Puzzle. We did decide you need to put

2415
01:26:41,189 --> 01:26:43,550
a baby monitor between the office and the

2416
01:26:43,550 --> 01:26:46,189
spare bedroom. Yeah. Because Lola will be crying

2417
01:26:46,189 --> 01:26:47,564
to go out, and I will not I'll

2418
01:26:47,564 --> 01:26:48,765
be in the shower, I'll be in the

2419
01:26:48,765 --> 01:26:51,265
bathroom, I'll be doing something and nobody knows

2420
01:26:51,404 --> 01:26:52,844
but me and I can't get to her.

2421
01:26:52,844 --> 01:26:53,824
True true true.

2422
01:26:54,125 --> 01:26:54,444
And,

2423
01:26:55,564 --> 01:26:57,404
Jim, I moved all my m p threes

2424
01:26:57,404 --> 01:26:58,145
over there.

2425
01:26:59,484 --> 01:27:01,885
And then got, like, offended when I accidentally

2426
01:27:01,885 --> 01:27:03,510
called it an office. I was like, it's

2427
01:27:03,510 --> 01:27:05,189
a room with a computer and you're doing

2428
01:27:05,189 --> 01:27:07,029
stuff on it. It's it's Not like that

2429
01:27:07,029 --> 01:27:08,649
I accidentally called it the office.

2430
01:27:09,109 --> 01:27:11,689
No. It this this has become a separation

2431
01:27:11,750 --> 01:27:13,909
for me. Yes. Yes. I did not even

2432
01:27:13,909 --> 01:27:14,729
put email

2433
01:27:15,109 --> 01:27:17,055
on that computer. I agree. Yeah. You needed

2434
01:27:17,055 --> 01:27:19,295
a place. Your work your the office in

2435
01:27:19,295 --> 01:27:22,095
here was where is work. That is play.

2436
01:27:22,095 --> 01:27:22,595
Right.

2437
01:27:22,975 --> 01:27:25,135
So I I I needed the separation and

2438
01:27:25,135 --> 01:27:26,914
that has been a marvelous

2439
01:27:27,454 --> 01:27:28,435
thing for me.

2440
01:27:30,409 --> 01:27:31,850
And now you have it. I know it.

2441
01:27:31,850 --> 01:27:33,609
This smells like cat pee and I can't

2442
01:27:33,609 --> 01:27:34,810
figure out how to fix it yet. I

2443
01:27:34,810 --> 01:27:36,570
know. But I will. We'll figure it out.

2444
01:27:36,570 --> 01:27:37,470
It's my new mission.

2445
01:27:38,090 --> 01:27:39,530
Okay. It's now very hot in the sun.

2446
01:27:39,530 --> 01:27:41,530
It is. It's warm because the doors are

2447
01:27:41,530 --> 01:27:44,090
closed when you Yeah. Yeah. So we're gonna

2448
01:27:44,090 --> 01:27:46,564
go. Mhmm. Thanks for being here. Yeah. For

2449
01:27:46,564 --> 01:27:48,404
everybody who sent To the bitter end. Right?

2450
01:27:48,404 --> 01:27:49,925
For everybody who sent in a question, gave

2451
01:27:49,925 --> 01:27:51,685
us a question that was the appropriate one

2452
01:27:51,685 --> 01:27:53,284
that I could read out would was willing

2453
01:27:53,284 --> 01:27:54,324
to be out loud. There were a few

2454
01:27:54,324 --> 01:27:56,664
that got rejected. You know who you are.

2455
01:27:57,284 --> 01:27:58,344
Thank you for your questions.

2456
01:27:59,960 --> 01:28:01,239
I guess we'll see you next week. Do

2457
01:28:01,239 --> 01:28:02,600
I know what the fuck we're talking about

2458
01:28:02,600 --> 01:28:04,119
next week? Not a fucking clue. Not a

2459
01:28:04,119 --> 01:28:06,600
clue. No. But we'll get there. Mhmm. Okay.

2460
01:28:06,600 --> 01:28:08,220
Alright. Bye. Bye.