1 00:00:10,719 --> 00:00:13,359 You're listening to the Loving BDSM podcast. Kayla 2 00:00:13,359 --> 00:00:15,139 Lords here with the one, the only, 3 00:00:15,599 --> 00:00:15,974 the 4 00:00:17,255 --> 00:00:19,495 I can't find anything snarky to say about 5 00:00:19,495 --> 00:00:19,995 you. 6 00:00:20,454 --> 00:00:22,234 Must be your lucky day, John Brownstone. 7 00:00:24,295 --> 00:00:26,695 The snarky things I could say, I'm not 8 00:00:26,695 --> 00:00:28,855 gonna say because I'm not I mean, I'm 9 00:00:28,855 --> 00:00:30,234 a bitch, but I'm not 10 00:00:30,649 --> 00:00:32,170 that kind of a bitch. And I'm not 11 00:00:32,170 --> 00:00:34,009 gonna tease you about things that I know 12 00:00:34,009 --> 00:00:36,670 you would not wanna be teased about. 13 00:00:38,489 --> 00:00:39,789 I'm not gonna do it. 14 00:00:40,170 --> 00:00:42,009 Well, I appreciate that. Will I make sure 15 00:00:42,009 --> 00:00:43,789 that you know that I could have 16 00:00:44,365 --> 00:00:45,804 Oh, I do. Not to? Of course. Of 17 00:00:45,804 --> 00:00:46,545 course. Absolutely. 18 00:00:47,005 --> 00:00:49,984 And and probably, you know, knowing you, when 19 00:00:50,204 --> 00:00:52,064 the lights go off and the microphones 20 00:00:52,924 --> 00:00:54,364 dim, you know, or the lights dim and 21 00:00:54,364 --> 00:00:55,825 the microphone's off What? 22 00:00:57,405 --> 00:00:58,604 You know, then you'll, 23 00:00:59,630 --> 00:01:02,030 regale me with your I won't tease you, 24 00:01:02,030 --> 00:01:04,349 but I'll tell you what I'm not choosing 25 00:01:04,349 --> 00:01:06,430 not to tease you about. And you'll be 26 00:01:06,430 --> 00:01:08,670 proud of me for having that much self 27 00:01:08,670 --> 00:01:09,810 control. Okay? 28 00:01:10,670 --> 00:01:11,890 Okay. Anyway, 29 00:01:13,454 --> 00:01:15,314 you know, in a, in a weird way, 30 00:01:15,935 --> 00:01:17,234 that, that conversation 31 00:01:17,614 --> 00:01:20,354 kind of, sort of maybe relates to today's 32 00:01:21,375 --> 00:01:21,875 question. 33 00:01:23,134 --> 00:01:25,314 A baby girl is struggling to let herself 34 00:01:25,375 --> 00:01:27,349 embrace her caregiver little, 35 00:01:28,209 --> 00:01:29,909 power exchange with her partner 36 00:01:30,450 --> 00:01:32,950 as a parent to teenagers and is, like, 37 00:01:33,010 --> 00:01:34,310 looking for a little guidance. 38 00:01:35,010 --> 00:01:36,549 As a parent to 39 00:01:37,010 --> 00:01:39,134 a teenager and a 20 year old, I 40 00:01:39,134 --> 00:01:41,854 feel like we've we've run that gauntlet, so 41 00:01:41,854 --> 00:01:43,474 hopefully we can help. Yeah. 42 00:01:43,854 --> 00:01:45,774 Welcome to the Living BDSM podcast. If you're 43 00:01:45,774 --> 00:01:47,375 new here, we help kinksters like you have 44 00:01:47,375 --> 00:01:49,854 happy, healthy power exchange relationships. Add the podcast 45 00:01:49,854 --> 00:01:51,375 to your favorite podcast app so you never 46 00:01:51,375 --> 00:01:52,194 miss an episode. 47 00:01:53,519 --> 00:01:54,019 Also, 48 00:01:54,319 --> 00:01:56,560 whatever podcast app you're using, if you could 49 00:01:56,560 --> 00:01:58,719 leave a rating, a review, whatever it's called, 50 00:01:58,879 --> 00:02:00,159 if you enjoy this, we would love it. 51 00:02:00,159 --> 00:02:02,640 That helps other kinksters find us. And if 52 00:02:02,640 --> 00:02:05,119 you have a, question that you'd like us 53 00:02:05,119 --> 00:02:05,859 to answer, 54 00:02:06,814 --> 00:02:09,694 I did indeed get the page working again. 55 00:02:09,694 --> 00:02:11,794 I have checked it on multiple browsers. 56 00:02:12,574 --> 00:02:14,895 There should be a box on the contact 57 00:02:14,895 --> 00:02:17,134 page, the ask your questions page, where you 58 00:02:17,134 --> 00:02:19,055 put in your information, and you put in 59 00:02:19,055 --> 00:02:21,055 your question. And it's supposed to come to 60 00:02:21,055 --> 00:02:21,555 me. 61 00:02:22,129 --> 00:02:24,370 Now that still remains to be seen. I'm 62 00:02:24,370 --> 00:02:26,530 figuring it out. But there is a box 63 00:02:26,530 --> 00:02:28,950 now. You've you've been quite the web 64 00:02:29,330 --> 00:02:32,050 guru lately. So freaking exhausted. Oh, let's talk 65 00:02:32,050 --> 00:02:33,189 about something else. 66 00:02:33,969 --> 00:02:35,730 Anyway, you can find that link in the 67 00:02:35,730 --> 00:02:39,125 show notes or at lovingbdsm.net. 68 00:02:39,125 --> 00:02:41,204 Okay. Here we go. I grew up in 69 00:02:41,204 --> 00:02:43,364 a religious family. And while I fully enjoy 70 00:02:43,364 --> 00:02:45,044 being a baby girl, I'm having a hard 71 00:02:45,044 --> 00:02:47,465 time doing it full time. I want to 72 00:02:47,525 --> 00:02:49,409 because of the stigma of the life style. 73 00:02:49,409 --> 00:02:51,009 My daddy and I have teenagers at home, 74 00:02:51,009 --> 00:02:52,370 and I pull away from my daddy when 75 00:02:52,370 --> 00:02:54,449 they're home for fear of judgment. I'm using 76 00:02:54,449 --> 00:02:56,129 your podcast as homework to learn. Daddy and 77 00:02:56,129 --> 00:02:57,969 I then have conversations about what I heard 78 00:02:57,969 --> 00:02:59,349 and how it affects our relationship. 79 00:02:59,650 --> 00:03:00,930 I was wondering if you guys had an 80 00:03:00,930 --> 00:03:03,669 episode where you addressed how having children around 81 00:03:03,944 --> 00:03:04,764 plays into 82 00:03:05,305 --> 00:03:08,044 a DDLG relationship that's twenty four seven. 83 00:03:09,544 --> 00:03:10,844 Yes. We do. Yep. 84 00:03:11,544 --> 00:03:13,145 Most of what we've talked about in the 85 00:03:13,145 --> 00:03:15,064 past and probably what we'll talk about today 86 00:03:15,064 --> 00:03:15,724 is about 87 00:03:16,810 --> 00:03:19,930 DS relationships in general. Mhmm. And we will 88 00:03:19,930 --> 00:03:23,129 link to everything we've ever recorded, whether on 89 00:03:23,129 --> 00:03:23,629 YouTube, 90 00:03:24,330 --> 00:03:26,489 or for the podcast in the places so 91 00:03:26,489 --> 00:03:28,650 you can go listen to those. Some are 92 00:03:28,650 --> 00:03:31,704 very old episodes. Yeah. I think the first 93 00:03:31,704 --> 00:03:33,465 time we ever talked Kids were young. Yeah. 94 00:03:33,465 --> 00:03:35,004 The first time we ever talked about 95 00:03:35,544 --> 00:03:38,125 being parents while being kinky, 96 00:03:38,504 --> 00:03:40,104 I wanna say we were still in double 97 00:03:40,104 --> 00:03:41,805 digit, episode numbers. 98 00:03:42,104 --> 00:03:44,104 I believe so. And for anybody who doesn't 99 00:03:44,104 --> 00:03:46,104 know, for the podcast, we are up to 100 00:03:46,104 --> 00:03:48,699 460 101 00:03:48,699 --> 00:03:51,019 something. And I wanna say Word. And I 102 00:03:51,019 --> 00:03:52,939 wanna say So that was a long time 103 00:03:52,939 --> 00:03:54,780 ago. We might have done an one of 104 00:03:54,780 --> 00:03:55,439 the updates, 105 00:03:57,019 --> 00:03:58,719 when when we were in, 106 00:04:00,544 --> 00:04:01,685 around 2019. 107 00:04:02,224 --> 00:04:04,144 Yes. And we have we have to has 108 00:04:04,144 --> 00:04:06,245 multiple conversations because this comes up 109 00:04:06,544 --> 00:04:08,884 a lot. Yeah. A lot a lot. So 110 00:04:09,504 --> 00:04:11,025 while we will try to gear what we're 111 00:04:11,025 --> 00:04:13,344 talking about specific to caregiver little, and I 112 00:04:13,344 --> 00:04:13,830 can 113 00:04:14,150 --> 00:04:15,370 certainly think of 114 00:04:15,750 --> 00:04:17,670 some things that might be specific to that 115 00:04:17,670 --> 00:04:19,529 that might come up for parents of teenagers. 116 00:04:20,310 --> 00:04:23,110 We'll also sort of talk more generally about 117 00:04:23,110 --> 00:04:23,850 some things. 118 00:04:24,470 --> 00:04:26,470 What are some thoughts that come to mind 119 00:04:26,470 --> 00:04:27,129 for you? 120 00:04:30,675 --> 00:04:32,274 Well, you know, one of I think one 121 00:04:32,274 --> 00:04:33,954 of the first things that come to mind 122 00:04:33,954 --> 00:04:36,294 is if you can plan an escape. 123 00:04:37,875 --> 00:04:38,535 You know, 124 00:04:38,915 --> 00:04:40,535 if you can get away for a weekend 125 00:04:40,595 --> 00:04:41,095 overnight, 126 00:04:41,555 --> 00:04:42,615 something like that. 127 00:04:43,794 --> 00:04:44,115 But, 128 00:04:45,490 --> 00:04:47,649 that's just short term. Yeah. That doesn't help 129 00:04:47,649 --> 00:04:49,329 the day to day for sure. No. But, 130 00:04:49,490 --> 00:04:51,669 you know, long term for day to day, 131 00:04:53,089 --> 00:04:55,269 you're gonna have to look for ways that 132 00:04:55,569 --> 00:04:56,310 are subtle. 133 00:04:57,089 --> 00:04:59,589 That means something between two of you. 134 00:05:02,314 --> 00:05:04,314 You know, it it could be even something 135 00:05:04,314 --> 00:05:06,235 like in the evening if you're sitting on 136 00:05:06,235 --> 00:05:06,894 the sofa 137 00:05:07,355 --> 00:05:08,814 and, you know, you're snuggling. 138 00:05:10,074 --> 00:05:11,694 Alright. I mean, that's just a 139 00:05:12,235 --> 00:05:14,074 would seem a normal thing, but to you 140 00:05:14,074 --> 00:05:16,350 it would have more meaning. Especially if there's 141 00:05:16,350 --> 00:05:19,069 a certain way you're sitting together, if there's 142 00:05:19,069 --> 00:05:22,670 something that your daddy dom does or says 143 00:05:22,670 --> 00:05:25,089 to initiate Mhmm. If there are expectations 144 00:05:25,629 --> 00:05:27,790 that your partner has of you as the 145 00:05:27,790 --> 00:05:29,629 submissive of how you're supposed to behave during 146 00:05:29,629 --> 00:05:31,649 that time. All of those things are 147 00:05:31,995 --> 00:05:33,214 discussed and planned 148 00:05:33,754 --> 00:05:35,514 outside of the hearing of children of any 149 00:05:35,514 --> 00:05:37,694 age. Yeah. And then when you're doing them, 150 00:05:37,995 --> 00:05:40,654 it looks like snuggling on the couch. Mhmm. 151 00:05:41,274 --> 00:05:43,514 But it it has meaning to you that 152 00:05:43,514 --> 00:05:45,930 you're not talking about. You've already had the 153 00:05:45,930 --> 00:05:46,430 meaning 154 00:05:47,769 --> 00:05:49,610 when you're behind closed doors again and the 155 00:05:49,610 --> 00:05:51,709 kids aren't around, but you're doing this 156 00:05:52,089 --> 00:05:52,649 thing together 157 00:05:52,970 --> 00:05:55,209 What that nobody's gonna look at funny. What 158 00:05:55,209 --> 00:05:56,269 are the little things 159 00:05:57,050 --> 00:05:59,069 that y'all do day to day 160 00:05:59,524 --> 00:06:01,225 that maybe you don't even think about, 161 00:06:02,085 --> 00:06:04,105 but have some sort of meaning 162 00:06:05,285 --> 00:06:07,125 to your power exchange. Or could have some 163 00:06:07,125 --> 00:06:08,544 sort of meaning to your power exchange. Or 164 00:06:08,544 --> 00:06:09,305 could. Exactly. 165 00:06:09,764 --> 00:06:12,324 And and, you know, build from those. Build 166 00:06:12,324 --> 00:06:13,064 from there. 167 00:06:13,365 --> 00:06:15,279 Mhmm. I mean, it's, you know, anytime we 168 00:06:15,279 --> 00:06:15,779 talk 169 00:06:16,639 --> 00:06:17,139 to 170 00:06:17,839 --> 00:06:20,000 parents who are just trying to have any 171 00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:22,399 kind of power exchange while they have children 172 00:06:22,399 --> 00:06:24,500 running around their house and needing their attention, 173 00:06:25,759 --> 00:06:27,279 that is the thing we say is you're 174 00:06:27,279 --> 00:06:29,175 gonna find things that work with the dynamic 175 00:06:29,175 --> 00:06:30,475 you have 176 00:06:31,254 --> 00:06:33,355 that don't look like anything suspicious 177 00:06:34,295 --> 00:06:37,415 to your children or family visiting or vanilla 178 00:06:37,415 --> 00:06:38,475 friends or whoever. 179 00:06:38,935 --> 00:06:39,435 And 180 00:06:39,975 --> 00:06:41,850 you're gonna do what look like normal things 181 00:06:41,850 --> 00:06:43,850 but you are going to add the layer 182 00:06:43,850 --> 00:06:46,410 of meaning on top of it so that 183 00:06:46,410 --> 00:06:48,569 you know and your partner knows that while 184 00:06:48,569 --> 00:06:50,410 you're doing these things this is because of 185 00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:53,050 your power exchange and but nobody's gonna question 186 00:06:53,050 --> 00:06:53,550 anything. 187 00:06:54,105 --> 00:06:57,225 Now let's talk about the fact that you 188 00:06:57,225 --> 00:06:58,685 call your partner daddy, 189 00:06:59,144 --> 00:07:02,345 and I'm having a moment of, oh, is 190 00:07:02,345 --> 00:07:04,824 this part of the problem with teenagers? Because 191 00:07:04,824 --> 00:07:07,644 see Mhmm. When you've got little kids, babies, 192 00:07:07,704 --> 00:07:09,004 and little little ones, 193 00:07:09,539 --> 00:07:11,159 it is very common 194 00:07:11,860 --> 00:07:14,259 for one parent to refer to the other 195 00:07:14,259 --> 00:07:14,759 parent 196 00:07:15,220 --> 00:07:16,740 in the way that their child refers to 197 00:07:16,740 --> 00:07:18,180 them when you're talking to them or about 198 00:07:18,180 --> 00:07:19,479 them. So, you know, 199 00:07:20,339 --> 00:07:21,560 you might say, oh, 200 00:07:21,904 --> 00:07:24,305 daddy said blah blah blah. And the the 201 00:07:24,465 --> 00:07:26,305 your kid's like, yeah. That's my daddy. And 202 00:07:26,305 --> 00:07:27,985 you're like, that's my daddy too. And it 203 00:07:27,985 --> 00:07:29,105 it doesn't 204 00:07:29,824 --> 00:07:32,725 nobody knows. But there might come a point 205 00:07:32,785 --> 00:07:33,285 where 206 00:07:33,745 --> 00:07:36,439 they don't refer to your partner as daddy. 207 00:07:36,439 --> 00:07:38,779 Or Mhmm. In our case, 208 00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:42,540 JB is the stepparent. So my the children 209 00:07:42,680 --> 00:07:44,439 never called him daddy. So if I had 210 00:07:44,439 --> 00:07:45,819 started calling him daddy 211 00:07:46,199 --> 00:07:47,879 to them in front of them, there would 212 00:07:47,879 --> 00:07:51,095 have been questions. Mhmm. So whether it's a 213 00:07:51,254 --> 00:07:52,475 it's sort of the 214 00:07:52,775 --> 00:07:56,214 the they've never seen your partner as that 215 00:07:56,214 --> 00:07:56,714 figure 216 00:07:57,095 --> 00:07:59,014 or they only use that term and you 217 00:07:59,014 --> 00:08:00,615 only felt safe to use that term when 218 00:08:00,615 --> 00:08:01,814 they were very young and now here they're 219 00:08:01,814 --> 00:08:03,660 teenagers and you got questions and how am 220 00:08:03,660 --> 00:08:04,560 I supposed to do 221 00:08:04,860 --> 00:08:05,360 this, 222 00:08:06,060 --> 00:08:08,060 this is when you're probably gonna get creative 223 00:08:08,060 --> 00:08:09,120 as well. Mhmm. 224 00:08:09,740 --> 00:08:10,240 So 225 00:08:10,540 --> 00:08:11,439 I got lucky 226 00:08:12,779 --> 00:08:13,920 in that it was 227 00:08:14,459 --> 00:08:15,680 never an issue 228 00:08:16,540 --> 00:08:19,524 of, oh, darn. I can't call JB daddy 229 00:08:19,524 --> 00:08:21,444 or I won't. It's not can't. I choose 230 00:08:21,444 --> 00:08:23,285 not to in front of the kids. What 231 00:08:23,285 --> 00:08:25,285 will I do? We have this, and I 232 00:08:25,285 --> 00:08:27,204 think it's a southern thing, but maybe it's 233 00:08:27,204 --> 00:08:28,884 something people do in other parts of the 234 00:08:28,884 --> 00:08:31,865 country and the world, where if you are 235 00:08:32,059 --> 00:08:34,460 an adult in a child's life and there's 236 00:08:34,460 --> 00:08:35,679 a there's some kind 237 00:08:36,059 --> 00:08:37,919 of family connection or relationship 238 00:08:38,379 --> 00:08:38,879 connection, 239 00:08:39,340 --> 00:08:42,320 it's very common to use Mr. Miss whatever 240 00:08:42,620 --> 00:08:44,714 and then their first name to not go 241 00:08:44,714 --> 00:08:46,154 so formal as to be like a last 242 00:08:46,154 --> 00:08:48,075 name like you would with a teacher. So 243 00:08:48,075 --> 00:08:50,975 the kids met JB as Mr. Zhang, 244 00:08:51,274 --> 00:08:53,434 and they have only ever called him Mr. 245 00:08:53,434 --> 00:08:56,075 Zhang. And so I got to call him 246 00:08:56,075 --> 00:08:58,139 Mr. Zhang because I did that parent thing 247 00:08:58,139 --> 00:08:59,740 of calling him by the name that the 248 00:08:59,740 --> 00:09:02,059 kids would call him and talking about him 249 00:09:02,059 --> 00:09:03,580 like that and talking to him like that. 250 00:09:03,580 --> 00:09:05,679 That's true. And it became an honorific 251 00:09:06,220 --> 00:09:07,899 because it's got mister at the front, and 252 00:09:07,899 --> 00:09:09,920 it's a little bit more formal. Plus, also, 253 00:09:10,299 --> 00:09:12,779 I hate saying his actual name. That makes 254 00:09:12,779 --> 00:09:13,754 me wanna gag. 255 00:09:15,274 --> 00:09:16,735 Over time, as I 256 00:09:17,274 --> 00:09:19,674 helped him develop the online persona that is 257 00:09:19,674 --> 00:09:21,674 John Brownstone, and I got teased by my 258 00:09:21,674 --> 00:09:23,934 online friends for always calling him John Brownstone 259 00:09:24,315 --> 00:09:25,995 because that was like another title because I 260 00:09:26,075 --> 00:09:27,355 then I didn't have to say his first 261 00:09:27,355 --> 00:09:29,659 name all by itself. Hate that. 262 00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:31,659 I've now shortened it to JB. 263 00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:32,620 JB, 264 00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:35,079 I can comfortably call him that in front 265 00:09:35,079 --> 00:09:36,299 of anybody, 266 00:09:36,839 --> 00:09:38,700 and they can tell it's a nickname 267 00:09:39,079 --> 00:09:41,000 even if they don't know why or how. 268 00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:42,919 Or what it is. Yeah. Right. So this 269 00:09:42,919 --> 00:09:45,225 is another place you're gonna wanna get creative. 270 00:09:45,225 --> 00:09:48,024 What are some things that you could refer 271 00:09:48,024 --> 00:09:49,485 to your partner as 272 00:09:50,184 --> 00:09:53,384 that the kids might look. Teenagers are gonna 273 00:09:53,384 --> 00:09:54,904 look at you funny no matter what. I 274 00:09:54,904 --> 00:09:57,465 think that's just what they do. They're gonna 275 00:09:57,465 --> 00:10:00,419 question everything you do. I think it's fair 276 00:10:00,419 --> 00:10:02,179 to be like, I don't wanna call my 277 00:10:02,179 --> 00:10:04,679 partner daddy. I don't wanna necessarily 278 00:10:05,139 --> 00:10:06,200 be my full 279 00:10:06,659 --> 00:10:08,440 baby girl slash little 280 00:10:08,980 --> 00:10:09,480 self 281 00:10:09,860 --> 00:10:11,940 around the kids. I think that's okay regardless 282 00:10:11,940 --> 00:10:13,539 of the stigma and regardless of the other 283 00:10:13,539 --> 00:10:15,639 things you're overcoming, to be comfortable 284 00:10:16,154 --> 00:10:17,055 with yourself 285 00:10:17,435 --> 00:10:18,254 as a kinkster, 286 00:10:18,955 --> 00:10:20,795 there's a layer that you got to decide 287 00:10:20,795 --> 00:10:22,715 for yourself of what's okay and what's not 288 00:10:22,715 --> 00:10:24,394 that you're gonna do in front or not 289 00:10:24,394 --> 00:10:26,254 do in front of your own children. Right? 290 00:10:26,555 --> 00:10:28,475 And so this is where it's like, okay 291 00:10:28,475 --> 00:10:28,975 do 292 00:10:29,279 --> 00:10:31,039 do you have a nickname that maybe you 293 00:10:31,039 --> 00:10:33,039 don't use all the time, but the kids 294 00:10:33,039 --> 00:10:35,279 wouldn't clock? Or is there a nickname you 295 00:10:35,279 --> 00:10:37,839 can start using that the kids might think 296 00:10:37,839 --> 00:10:39,220 it's funny or, 297 00:10:40,399 --> 00:10:42,159 silly or why is mom doing that? And 298 00:10:42,159 --> 00:10:43,514 and when they ask, you go, 299 00:10:44,075 --> 00:10:45,915 it's just a private joke between us. You 300 00:10:45,915 --> 00:10:47,535 know? Don't worry about it. 301 00:10:48,315 --> 00:10:49,934 If you make it a big deal, they'll 302 00:10:50,634 --> 00:10:51,855 definitely wanna know. 303 00:10:52,715 --> 00:10:54,575 Oh. Depending on how your kids are, 304 00:10:55,274 --> 00:10:58,779 I was I'm grateful that our kids are 305 00:10:58,779 --> 00:11:02,059 the type who the moment you even mentioned 306 00:11:02,059 --> 00:11:04,779 that we might be fully formed human beings 307 00:11:04,779 --> 00:11:07,019 who can be intimate with one another, with 308 00:11:07,019 --> 00:11:08,779 no details, just the fact that we could, 309 00:11:08,779 --> 00:11:11,580 they they nope out. They don't Mhmm. If 310 00:11:11,580 --> 00:11:13,100 your kids are like that, then all you 311 00:11:13,100 --> 00:11:14,355 have to do is go, oh, it's like 312 00:11:14,355 --> 00:11:16,115 it's a private thing. I do, you know, 313 00:11:16,115 --> 00:11:16,855 with Yeah. 314 00:11:18,514 --> 00:11:20,434 Now you gotta know your kids' personalities and 315 00:11:20,434 --> 00:11:21,894 what they're gonna react to. 316 00:11:22,514 --> 00:11:24,674 So, you know, are they a coach? Are 317 00:11:24,674 --> 00:11:26,434 they a doctor? Are they do they have 318 00:11:26,434 --> 00:11:27,480 a title outside of your relationship that there's 319 00:11:28,919 --> 00:11:29,419 relationship 320 00:11:30,039 --> 00:11:31,019 that there's context 321 00:11:31,480 --> 00:11:32,419 for why your kids might hear it and 322 00:11:32,419 --> 00:11:33,179 not clock 323 00:11:33,799 --> 00:11:36,699 it that you can start referring to your 324 00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:37,579 partner as, and it becomes 325 00:11:38,120 --> 00:11:38,860 this honorific. 326 00:11:39,559 --> 00:11:40,919 Now I'm trying to think of other because 327 00:11:40,919 --> 00:11:41,659 you were not 328 00:11:41,985 --> 00:11:44,085 specific about what it is that you're uncomfortable, 329 00:11:46,384 --> 00:11:48,544 doing or saying or portraying yourself as in 330 00:11:48,544 --> 00:11:49,524 front of your teenagers. 331 00:11:50,065 --> 00:11:52,464 And so, one, I have to ask you 332 00:11:52,464 --> 00:11:53,524 to think to yourself, 333 00:11:53,840 --> 00:11:55,679 is it the idea that you know that 334 00:11:55,679 --> 00:11:57,519 everything you're doing is now kinky because it's 335 00:11:57,519 --> 00:12:00,000 now a power exchange? And so there's this 336 00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:01,379 feeling that shouldn't everybody 337 00:12:01,759 --> 00:12:04,580 on the outside looking in notice it too, 338 00:12:04,639 --> 00:12:06,799 and won't they have questions? Most of the 339 00:12:06,799 --> 00:12:09,585 time, even our nosy kids, not really, 340 00:12:10,065 --> 00:12:13,825 nosy kids will usually be satisfied with I'm 341 00:12:13,825 --> 00:12:16,065 really happy with your dad, your mom, your 342 00:12:16,065 --> 00:12:16,884 whoever. Right? 343 00:12:17,585 --> 00:12:18,804 We're, you know, 344 00:12:19,504 --> 00:12:21,365 we're making time for another. Especially 345 00:12:21,745 --> 00:12:24,325 with teenagers, it's not hard to have conversations 346 00:12:24,785 --> 00:12:25,285 like, 347 00:12:25,639 --> 00:12:28,120 hey. Me and mister John, we need to 348 00:12:28,120 --> 00:12:30,860 have time to just be together and and 349 00:12:31,240 --> 00:12:33,480 sustain our relationship. We love one another, and 350 00:12:33,480 --> 00:12:35,320 so part of that is doing things together 351 00:12:35,320 --> 00:12:37,960 and having these moments that are child free. 352 00:12:37,960 --> 00:12:39,720 And we just kinda lay it out for 353 00:12:39,720 --> 00:12:42,345 them, and they've always gone, okay. Okay. Stop 354 00:12:42,345 --> 00:12:44,504 making me think about you two as, like, 355 00:12:44,504 --> 00:12:45,884 actual people who do 356 00:12:46,424 --> 00:12:47,404 things that 357 00:12:48,345 --> 00:12:52,264 yeah. Yeah. You. Right. The more you tense 358 00:12:52,264 --> 00:12:54,985 up and assume that, you know, people in 359 00:12:54,985 --> 00:12:57,210 your life are noticing things and questioning things, 360 00:12:57,210 --> 00:12:59,210 the more they will notice and and question 361 00:12:59,210 --> 00:13:00,350 because now you're uncomfortable. 362 00:13:01,529 --> 00:13:03,290 If it's because I went through this a 363 00:13:03,290 --> 00:13:05,690 little bit. If any part of your discomfort 364 00:13:05,690 --> 00:13:08,330 is, okay. Before we found this lifestyle, before 365 00:13:08,330 --> 00:13:10,754 we figured out caregiver little, and you as, 366 00:13:10,754 --> 00:13:12,514 in this case, the baby girl, you know, 367 00:13:12,514 --> 00:13:14,834 I I behaved a certain way because that's 368 00:13:14,834 --> 00:13:16,434 just what I how I was and what 369 00:13:16,434 --> 00:13:17,875 I thought I was supposed to do. And 370 00:13:17,875 --> 00:13:19,394 now here I am and there are times 371 00:13:19,394 --> 00:13:21,014 when my baby girl's side 372 00:13:21,954 --> 00:13:22,934 comes out. 373 00:13:23,509 --> 00:13:25,669 I- if there's any discomfort to that, I 374 00:13:25,669 --> 00:13:27,049 recognize that because 375 00:13:27,509 --> 00:13:28,490 my kids 376 00:13:29,269 --> 00:13:30,649 saw me as 377 00:13:32,470 --> 00:13:33,289 the very 378 00:13:35,029 --> 00:13:35,529 stressed, 379 00:13:36,389 --> 00:13:36,889 rushed, 380 00:13:38,264 --> 00:13:40,345 trying to keep it together, didn't know what 381 00:13:40,345 --> 00:13:41,945 the hell she was doing, but I didn't 382 00:13:41,945 --> 00:13:44,585 laugh a lot. I wasn't being silly. I 383 00:13:44,585 --> 00:13:45,085 didn't 384 00:13:46,024 --> 00:13:48,184 I didn't behave in what I consider sort 385 00:13:48,184 --> 00:13:50,184 of my more baby girl way because life 386 00:13:50,184 --> 00:13:52,424 didn't allow that. So once I was in 387 00:13:52,424 --> 00:13:55,230 a relationship where the baby girl side was 388 00:13:55,610 --> 00:13:57,309 free to just be there, 389 00:13:57,610 --> 00:13:58,670 good and bad, 390 00:13:59,769 --> 00:14:00,670 did the kids 391 00:14:01,129 --> 00:14:02,730 look at me funny at first? Sure. Because 392 00:14:02,730 --> 00:14:04,664 they never seen their mom just act like 393 00:14:04,904 --> 00:14:06,824 something other than a mom, something other than 394 00:14:06,824 --> 00:14:09,644 a stressed out freaked out mom. And so 395 00:14:09,945 --> 00:14:12,184 on the rare occasions, they finally kinda went, 396 00:14:12,184 --> 00:14:14,024 what what's what's up with you? What the 397 00:14:14,024 --> 00:14:15,384 hell is wrong with you? I was like, 398 00:14:15,384 --> 00:14:17,144 if that was my silly baby girl side, 399 00:14:17,144 --> 00:14:18,904 I'd go, I'm just happy. I'm just having 400 00:14:18,904 --> 00:14:19,409 a good time. 401 00:14:19,970 --> 00:14:21,970 Time. There's no need to tell them about 402 00:14:21,970 --> 00:14:23,649 the relationship that brought this side out of 403 00:14:23,649 --> 00:14:24,449 me, and now I get to be a 404 00:14:24,449 --> 00:14:25,889 baby girl to my daddy dom who loves 405 00:14:25,889 --> 00:14:27,250 me. Like, they don't need all that. They 406 00:14:27,250 --> 00:14:29,569 just need to know I'm happy. I'm I'm 407 00:14:29,569 --> 00:14:30,629 having a good time. 408 00:14:30,929 --> 00:14:31,424 The 409 00:14:31,745 --> 00:14:33,684 whining, pouting side of me, 410 00:14:35,584 --> 00:14:37,345 they were older before I let them see 411 00:14:37,345 --> 00:14:39,105 that because I was not trying to instill 412 00:14:39,105 --> 00:14:40,404 bad habits in my children 413 00:14:41,745 --> 00:14:43,664 by behaving in ways I didn't want them 414 00:14:43,664 --> 00:14:44,245 to behave. 415 00:14:46,304 --> 00:14:46,804 I 416 00:14:47,350 --> 00:14:49,129 I the first couple times 417 00:14:49,590 --> 00:14:50,649 they saw me 418 00:14:51,029 --> 00:14:52,629 be a baby girl in that way without 419 00:14:52,629 --> 00:14:54,629 knowing it. They don't know who and what 420 00:14:54,629 --> 00:14:56,090 I am in that way. 421 00:14:56,790 --> 00:14:58,790 It was appropriate to the moment, so they 422 00:14:58,790 --> 00:15:00,805 were having the same reaction, and we they 423 00:15:00,805 --> 00:15:03,144 just all thought we were all disappointed together. 424 00:15:04,725 --> 00:15:07,045 And that's kind of the thing. You know, 425 00:15:07,045 --> 00:15:08,644 if part of it is how you behave 426 00:15:08,644 --> 00:15:09,625 as a baby girl 427 00:15:10,085 --> 00:15:12,884 outside of, like, the kink aspect. Right? But 428 00:15:12,884 --> 00:15:13,865 just like your 429 00:15:14,269 --> 00:15:15,809 your behavior and your personality, 430 00:15:17,230 --> 00:15:19,629 I I believe most of the time, if 431 00:15:19,629 --> 00:15:21,710 your kids know because you've told them or 432 00:15:21,710 --> 00:15:24,029 can sense that you're happy and you're you're 433 00:15:24,029 --> 00:15:25,009 just being yourself, 434 00:15:26,205 --> 00:15:29,004 I mean, they might ask snarky questions, but 435 00:15:29,004 --> 00:15:30,945 that's just what teenagers do. 436 00:15:31,404 --> 00:15:34,445 And you are will never be under any 437 00:15:34,445 --> 00:15:37,245 obligation to tell them why you're doing things 438 00:15:37,245 --> 00:15:38,865 differently or behaving differently. 439 00:15:40,524 --> 00:15:41,024 Hell, 440 00:15:41,759 --> 00:15:43,519 Let's say, as a baby girl, maybe there 441 00:15:43,519 --> 00:15:44,960 are things that you like to do that 442 00:15:44,960 --> 00:15:47,519 would come under, air quote, childlike activities, little 443 00:15:47,519 --> 00:15:49,860 activities, things that littles stereotypically 444 00:15:50,240 --> 00:15:50,740 do. 445 00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:53,840 I promise you the I mean, I'm not 446 00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:55,934 one much for coloring, but when I get 447 00:15:56,095 --> 00:15:58,894 the, you know, the desire to do it, 448 00:15:58,894 --> 00:16:00,514 I'll be doing it sitting on the, 449 00:16:01,774 --> 00:16:04,254 couch in the living room. And inwardly, I'm 450 00:16:04,254 --> 00:16:05,455 like, do do do do do. Look at 451 00:16:05,455 --> 00:16:07,475 me. This is great. Mhmm. Outwardly, 452 00:16:07,855 --> 00:16:09,534 I'm just their mom sitting on the couch 453 00:16:09,534 --> 00:16:11,129 coloring. And if one of the kids asked, 454 00:16:11,129 --> 00:16:12,570 what are you doing? I just go, I'm 455 00:16:12,570 --> 00:16:16,170 coloring. They don't need a description of why 456 00:16:16,170 --> 00:16:18,970 I'm doing anything or what the context is. 457 00:16:18,970 --> 00:16:20,570 And most of the time, they don't freaking 458 00:16:20,570 --> 00:16:21,389 care anyway. 459 00:16:22,009 --> 00:16:23,850 The other thing I would say is if 460 00:16:23,850 --> 00:16:24,509 it is 461 00:16:25,095 --> 00:16:27,834 the fact that your teenagers might catch you 462 00:16:28,214 --> 00:16:30,615 doing activities that have meaning to you but 463 00:16:30,615 --> 00:16:32,475 are seem outside of your character, 464 00:16:33,014 --> 00:16:35,815 can your partner run interference? Hey. Leave mom 465 00:16:35,815 --> 00:16:36,315 alone. 466 00:16:36,774 --> 00:16:38,340 She needs some time to do a thing. 467 00:16:38,399 --> 00:16:40,799 Hey. She's she's relaxing right now and she's 468 00:16:40,799 --> 00:16:43,039 unwinding. It's been real stressful. It doesn't have 469 00:16:43,039 --> 00:16:44,419 to even be fucking true, 470 00:16:44,879 --> 00:16:47,519 except we live in this world in the 471 00:16:47,519 --> 00:16:49,120 year of our lord 2026. 472 00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:51,485 What are any of us doing to unwind 473 00:16:51,485 --> 00:16:53,644 and relax. Right? And who cares what that 474 00:16:53,644 --> 00:16:55,164 looks like as long as it's not harming 475 00:16:55,164 --> 00:16:57,725 others? So, you know, part of it as 476 00:16:57,725 --> 00:16:59,644 a parent is thinking in your head, how 477 00:16:59,644 --> 00:17:01,565 will I explain this in ways that are 478 00:17:01,565 --> 00:17:04,365 child appropriate. Right? That do not cross boundaries 479 00:17:04,365 --> 00:17:05,960 that don't need to be crossed. 480 00:17:06,819 --> 00:17:07,799 The other thing 481 00:17:08,179 --> 00:17:08,679 is, 482 00:17:10,419 --> 00:17:12,259 doing things that are subtle. And yes. They 483 00:17:12,259 --> 00:17:14,200 might be out of character and I truly 484 00:17:14,419 --> 00:17:16,900 if your kids have the capacity to understand 485 00:17:16,900 --> 00:17:19,134 and most most children have the capacity at 486 00:17:19,134 --> 00:17:22,335 fairly young ages, simple explanations are fine. I'm 487 00:17:22,335 --> 00:17:24,734 doing this because I'm happy. I'm trying something 488 00:17:24,734 --> 00:17:25,234 new. 489 00:17:25,695 --> 00:17:26,275 You know, 490 00:17:26,734 --> 00:17:28,414 me and your dad, your stepdad. Me and 491 00:17:28,414 --> 00:17:30,095 mister John decided we wanted to do something 492 00:17:30,095 --> 00:17:32,480 different in our relationship and that is has 493 00:17:32,480 --> 00:17:34,000 nothing to do with power exchange, but maybe 494 00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:36,400 it's why you're happy or why why you 495 00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:38,580 call him a new nickname now or 496 00:17:39,119 --> 00:17:41,440 and look. I'm not one who'll usually tell 497 00:17:41,440 --> 00:17:43,279 you to lie to your children, but, hell, 498 00:17:43,279 --> 00:17:44,799 for those of us who raised our children 499 00:17:44,799 --> 00:17:47,095 on Santa, we've been lying since day one. 500 00:17:47,095 --> 00:17:47,595 Right? 501 00:17:47,894 --> 00:17:49,755 And I think it's okay to go, 502 00:17:50,214 --> 00:17:51,195 oh, I call 503 00:17:52,134 --> 00:17:55,095 your dad this nickname because we think it's 504 00:17:55,095 --> 00:17:57,174 funny. That might not be it. That's not 505 00:17:57,174 --> 00:17:58,615 why you're doing it. You're doing it because 506 00:17:58,615 --> 00:17:59,894 you're like, I need to be connected to 507 00:17:59,894 --> 00:18:02,109 my most basic kink self, and this makes 508 00:18:02,109 --> 00:18:03,309 me feel my baby girl self, and I'm 509 00:18:03,309 --> 00:18:04,049 in my headset 510 00:18:04,429 --> 00:18:06,029 mindset, and we can do things. It makes 511 00:18:06,029 --> 00:18:07,789 him feel like the daddy, and that's really 512 00:18:07,789 --> 00:18:08,029 all we 513 00:18:08,990 --> 00:18:10,690 yeah. We know that's the internal 514 00:18:11,230 --> 00:18:13,549 thing going on. The words you say to 515 00:18:13,549 --> 00:18:15,230 your children are, because it's like a per 516 00:18:15,309 --> 00:18:17,525 an inside joke. Yeah. That's not the outside 517 00:18:17,525 --> 00:18:18,025 voice. 518 00:18:18,805 --> 00:18:20,884 You know? I mean, come on. That's the 519 00:18:20,884 --> 00:18:22,345 other thing. I think many of us 520 00:18:22,644 --> 00:18:23,144 overcomplicate 521 00:18:23,525 --> 00:18:24,984 explanations to our kids. 522 00:18:26,325 --> 00:18:28,005 There are so many concepts we've had to 523 00:18:28,005 --> 00:18:30,350 explain to our children over their life that 524 00:18:30,350 --> 00:18:32,830 we've kept simple because they were kids. Right? 525 00:18:32,830 --> 00:18:34,350 And maybe we waited till they were old 526 00:18:34,350 --> 00:18:36,590 enough to ask follow-up questions. You can keep 527 00:18:36,590 --> 00:18:37,570 these things simple 528 00:18:38,110 --> 00:18:38,610 too. 529 00:18:38,990 --> 00:18:40,769 Truly, truly, truly. Mhmm. 530 00:18:42,029 --> 00:18:43,710 But the big thing is, you know, you 531 00:18:43,710 --> 00:18:46,345 talk about growing up religious. You're talking about 532 00:18:46,345 --> 00:18:47,085 the stigma. 533 00:18:47,545 --> 00:18:49,945 That makes me think that you are waiting 534 00:18:49,945 --> 00:18:52,045 for the people around you, especially your children, 535 00:18:52,265 --> 00:18:54,984 to clock the meaning of something even if 536 00:18:54,984 --> 00:18:55,805 your actions 537 00:18:56,825 --> 00:18:57,884 are, you know, 538 00:18:58,585 --> 00:18:59,085 aren't 539 00:18:59,880 --> 00:19:02,200 overt, aren't you know, you're doing things appropriately, 540 00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:03,720 keeping kink away from your kids and behind 541 00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:05,799 closed doors, and the stuff you're doing in 542 00:19:05,799 --> 00:19:07,079 front of them or saying in front of 543 00:19:07,079 --> 00:19:09,240 them has meaning, but they don't know that 544 00:19:09,240 --> 00:19:11,799 meaning. And are you just waiting for them 545 00:19:11,799 --> 00:19:12,380 to go, 546 00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:15,734 I bet this means something, or please tell 547 00:19:15,734 --> 00:19:18,535 me in great detail, mom, what this means. 548 00:19:18,535 --> 00:19:19,035 Right? 549 00:19:19,575 --> 00:19:21,355 That's another thing is you get to practice 550 00:19:21,414 --> 00:19:23,734 having boundaries with your children. There are some 551 00:19:23,734 --> 00:19:24,454 things we just 552 00:19:25,174 --> 00:19:26,855 I told my kids straight up. I was 553 00:19:26,855 --> 00:19:29,990 like, when we were doing the, sex conversations 554 00:19:30,210 --> 00:19:32,529 and the and absolutely the lesson on we 555 00:19:32,529 --> 00:19:34,130 do not kink shame, we're not yucking on 556 00:19:34,130 --> 00:19:36,690 anybody's yum. Right. And I we did an 557 00:19:36,690 --> 00:19:38,610 episode on this, how we explained kink to 558 00:19:38,610 --> 00:19:40,289 kids without ever using the word kink or 559 00:19:40,289 --> 00:19:40,789 BDSM. 560 00:19:44,065 --> 00:19:45,765 I just lost my thought. Uh-oh. 561 00:19:47,265 --> 00:19:47,765 Oh, 562 00:19:48,065 --> 00:19:48,565 no. 563 00:19:49,105 --> 00:19:50,005 Oh, shit. 564 00:19:51,105 --> 00:19:52,884 I was going somewhere with that. 565 00:19:54,225 --> 00:19:56,039 I was going somewhere with that. Oh. About 566 00:19:56,039 --> 00:19:58,600 having talking about boundaries. You. I got there. 567 00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:00,680 So when we're having those conversations and I'm 568 00:20:00,680 --> 00:20:03,500 explaining things to them, they would jokingly 569 00:20:03,880 --> 00:20:06,920 ask personal questions, and I would seriously go, 570 00:20:06,920 --> 00:20:08,460 no. I'm not telling you that. 571 00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:10,804 You're not old enough to know that. That. 572 00:20:10,804 --> 00:20:12,244 That's a thing I don't wanna share with 573 00:20:12,244 --> 00:20:14,424 you. Mhmm. They might push a little bit 574 00:20:15,045 --> 00:20:17,285 because that's how our kids operate. They don't 575 00:20:17,365 --> 00:20:18,904 if they can push, they don't push. 576 00:20:20,325 --> 00:20:21,845 But, you know, once I said, no. I'm 577 00:20:21,845 --> 00:20:24,244 serious. This is my boundary. They backed off. 578 00:20:24,244 --> 00:20:26,669 They left it alone. And that's okay to 579 00:20:26,669 --> 00:20:29,470 say that to your kids. Absolutely. And, you 580 00:20:29,470 --> 00:20:31,150 know, really, in a way, it's kinda good 581 00:20:31,150 --> 00:20:33,309 that they're asking. If they're asking, yes. You 582 00:20:33,309 --> 00:20:35,309 know, if they're if they're asking like that 583 00:20:35,309 --> 00:20:37,549 anything, you know, that's a good thing because 584 00:20:37,549 --> 00:20:40,234 then they're they're, you know, feel safe enough 585 00:20:40,234 --> 00:20:42,414 with you to say anything like that. Mhmm. 586 00:20:42,794 --> 00:20:44,234 Yeah. And that really is a good sign. 587 00:20:44,234 --> 00:20:46,494 Yeah. It it really truly is. It's uncomfortable 588 00:20:46,875 --> 00:20:49,994 as shit. Yeah. But Oh my god. Sitting 589 00:20:49,994 --> 00:20:52,575 around the dining room table, we're eating dinner. 590 00:20:52,859 --> 00:20:54,160 Somebody thinks they're gonna 591 00:20:54,700 --> 00:20:57,339 fluster mom by asking me a question about 592 00:20:57,339 --> 00:20:59,500 sex. And I'm like, honey. I've been writing 593 00:20:59,500 --> 00:21:01,579 about sex for a long time. So and 594 00:21:01,579 --> 00:21:03,759 I then give them the age appropriate response. 595 00:21:03,819 --> 00:21:04,319 They 596 00:21:04,700 --> 00:21:06,825 could not decide if they wanted the earth 597 00:21:06,825 --> 00:21:08,984 to swallow them up or if it was 598 00:21:08,984 --> 00:21:09,484 hilarious. 599 00:21:10,984 --> 00:21:13,304 Usually they went to the this is hilarious 600 00:21:13,304 --> 00:21:15,065 side and they would ask they were trying 601 00:21:15,065 --> 00:21:16,664 to get me uncomfortable, so they were actually 602 00:21:16,664 --> 00:21:19,224 asking deeper questions for that reason. But the 603 00:21:19,224 --> 00:21:21,190 moment I got serious and mom like with 604 00:21:21,190 --> 00:21:22,789 them about my own boundaries or what I 605 00:21:22,789 --> 00:21:24,330 would and would not share with them, 606 00:21:25,509 --> 00:21:28,150 they they were fine. Because thankfully, not gonna 607 00:21:28,150 --> 00:21:31,210 wanna raise some respectful fucking kids who understand 608 00:21:31,269 --> 00:21:31,769 consent. 609 00:21:32,070 --> 00:21:34,230 And assuming that your kids are, you know, 610 00:21:34,230 --> 00:21:35,850 respectful and it's a 611 00:21:36,845 --> 00:21:40,065 happy, loving, mostly great relationship that you have, 612 00:21:40,525 --> 00:21:42,684 you know, you saying, we're not gonna talk 613 00:21:42,684 --> 00:21:44,125 about this. I'm this is not a conversation 614 00:21:44,125 --> 00:21:46,125 I'm having with you. It's not appropriate. They 615 00:21:46,125 --> 00:21:47,744 might not like it, but they'll be okay. 616 00:21:47,805 --> 00:21:48,924 But that's the thing I want you to 617 00:21:48,924 --> 00:21:51,265 clock. Is it the calling your partner daddy 618 00:21:51,490 --> 00:21:53,329 and not wanting your kids to hear? I 619 00:21:53,329 --> 00:21:55,649 think that's fair. There are workarounds. You just 620 00:21:55,649 --> 00:21:57,169 have to be real creative, and you'll have 621 00:21:57,169 --> 00:21:58,069 to train yourself 622 00:21:58,529 --> 00:22:00,130 to use a different word and think of 623 00:22:00,130 --> 00:22:01,109 that different word 624 00:22:01,970 --> 00:22:03,809 in the way that may it's like to 625 00:22:03,809 --> 00:22:05,904 me, it's second best to daddy. Daddy is 626 00:22:05,904 --> 00:22:06,644 for when 627 00:22:07,025 --> 00:22:09,605 I'm crazy comfortable in an adult only setting 628 00:22:09,904 --> 00:22:11,664 and or when we are a 100% by 629 00:22:11,664 --> 00:22:14,144 ourself and Yeah. And all of the, oh, 630 00:22:14,144 --> 00:22:15,125 we have to behave 631 00:22:15,424 --> 00:22:17,845 like, you know, parents right now. All that's 632 00:22:18,065 --> 00:22:20,340 gone and and we're free to be exactly 633 00:22:20,340 --> 00:22:22,019 who we are. All the adulting. Right. So 634 00:22:22,019 --> 00:22:23,400 think about that. Is it the term? 635 00:22:24,259 --> 00:22:27,000 Is it that the only thing y'all have 636 00:22:27,140 --> 00:22:29,220 that y'all have negotiated in your power exchange, 637 00:22:29,220 --> 00:22:31,140 specifically this kind of dynamic but any power 638 00:22:31,140 --> 00:22:31,545 exchange, 639 00:22:31,945 --> 00:22:34,105 is very overtly kinky. Well, now it's time 640 00:22:34,105 --> 00:22:36,045 to think about what can you do 641 00:22:36,664 --> 00:22:38,184 that looks like, and I air quote this 642 00:22:38,184 --> 00:22:40,525 term, I hate this term, normal behavior, 643 00:22:41,225 --> 00:22:43,225 but it's meaningful to you. The kids don't 644 00:22:43,225 --> 00:22:44,904 question when I make JB's coffee every day. 645 00:22:44,904 --> 00:22:46,744 They assume I just make coffee better than 646 00:22:46,744 --> 00:22:47,490 him. They're right, 647 00:22:48,609 --> 00:22:50,289 but they don't they don't ask. The one 648 00:22:50,289 --> 00:22:52,049 time they asked, you know, mom, why are 649 00:22:52,049 --> 00:22:54,230 you doing that for mister John? I said, 650 00:22:54,289 --> 00:22:55,809 because it makes me happy to do it 651 00:22:55,809 --> 00:22:57,809 for him. That is actually a true answer, 652 00:22:57,809 --> 00:22:59,829 has nothing to do with our power exchange. 653 00:22:59,890 --> 00:23:02,265 And they went, oh, okay, and moved on. 654 00:23:02,505 --> 00:23:03,005 Right? 655 00:23:03,305 --> 00:23:05,404 So think about the activities. 656 00:23:06,025 --> 00:23:07,325 And then also think about 657 00:23:07,785 --> 00:23:10,265 are you walking around nervous because you know 658 00:23:10,265 --> 00:23:12,765 what something means and it's that feeling of 659 00:23:12,825 --> 00:23:15,085 everybody knows I'm doing something different and everybody 660 00:23:15,089 --> 00:23:16,769 is gonna wonder why I'm doing most of 661 00:23:16,769 --> 00:23:18,369 the time they're not. Unless it is so 662 00:23:18,369 --> 00:23:21,669 far outside of your personality that everybody's like, 663 00:23:22,210 --> 00:23:24,130 is this a body snatcher situation? What has 664 00:23:24,130 --> 00:23:25,190 happened to you? 665 00:23:25,730 --> 00:23:27,650 You might have to have some conversations, but 666 00:23:27,650 --> 00:23:29,625 keep it to, you know, this is I'm 667 00:23:29,625 --> 00:23:31,144 I'm happy and I do these things because 668 00:23:31,144 --> 00:23:31,884 I'm happy. 669 00:23:32,184 --> 00:23:32,684 Or, 670 00:23:33,545 --> 00:23:35,404 like, in the case of maybe you do 671 00:23:36,184 --> 00:23:38,505 little air quote that little activities that the 672 00:23:38,505 --> 00:23:40,505 stereotypical stuff are not, it's because it makes 673 00:23:40,505 --> 00:23:42,509 you happy. It's because it relaxes you. Right? 674 00:23:43,049 --> 00:23:45,369 How much interference can your partner run when 675 00:23:45,369 --> 00:23:47,289 you're maybe when you're doing those activities? And 676 00:23:47,289 --> 00:23:49,710 it does look weird. Think about those things 677 00:23:49,849 --> 00:23:50,349 and 678 00:23:50,650 --> 00:23:51,470 prep for 679 00:23:51,769 --> 00:23:54,170 the questions your kids might ask. Prep for 680 00:23:54,170 --> 00:23:55,095 them ahead of time, 681 00:23:55,734 --> 00:23:58,214 Basic answers that don't go into detail that 682 00:23:58,214 --> 00:24:00,454 they don't need would be inappropriate for them 683 00:24:00,454 --> 00:24:01,275 to have, whatever. 684 00:24:01,734 --> 00:24:04,315 And I you know, it's it is easier 685 00:24:04,694 --> 00:24:06,934 than most people realize to have a power 686 00:24:06,934 --> 00:24:09,734 change twenty four seven even in front of 687 00:24:09,734 --> 00:24:10,554 other people. 688 00:24:11,849 --> 00:24:13,690 The thing I tell all parents, you have 689 00:24:13,690 --> 00:24:16,250 teenagers, so one, you've already run that gauntlet, 690 00:24:16,250 --> 00:24:17,529 and you know what I'm talking about. But 691 00:24:17,529 --> 00:24:19,210 for other parents out there or soon to 692 00:24:19,210 --> 00:24:19,869 be parents, 693 00:24:22,170 --> 00:24:24,190 your power exchange kink life 694 00:24:24,765 --> 00:24:26,525 is like every other fucking part of your 695 00:24:26,525 --> 00:24:29,664 life once small children come into your life. 696 00:24:29,805 --> 00:24:32,045 All of that slows to a fucking crawl 697 00:24:32,045 --> 00:24:33,265 and you don't get 698 00:24:33,565 --> 00:24:35,585 nearly enough of it that you want. 699 00:24:36,205 --> 00:24:38,929 I I didn't read an actual full length 700 00:24:38,929 --> 00:24:39,429 novel 701 00:24:39,730 --> 00:24:42,289 for ten fucking years after I became a 702 00:24:42,289 --> 00:24:44,169 parent. Who the fuck had time and and 703 00:24:44,369 --> 00:24:46,549 Mhmm. Brainpower for that. Right? 704 00:24:46,929 --> 00:24:48,704 So it sucks, and you'll have to be 705 00:24:48,704 --> 00:24:50,464 creative and you'll have to be really intentional 706 00:24:50,464 --> 00:24:51,904 and mindful about how you get your time 707 00:24:51,904 --> 00:24:52,964 and your power exchange. 708 00:24:53,345 --> 00:24:55,424 But it is you're not failing at power 709 00:24:55,424 --> 00:24:58,144 exchange if the stage that your child is 710 00:24:58,144 --> 00:24:58,644 at 711 00:24:59,105 --> 00:25:01,289 or the needs of your child, because 712 00:25:01,690 --> 00:25:02,750 not every child 713 00:25:03,210 --> 00:25:05,769 is on the air quote typical developmental path. 714 00:25:05,769 --> 00:25:06,509 Some children 715 00:25:07,049 --> 00:25:08,910 need you as their parent and caregiver 716 00:25:09,529 --> 00:25:11,930 their whole life or extra at certain parts 717 00:25:11,930 --> 00:25:12,590 like whatever. 718 00:25:13,930 --> 00:25:14,910 It you know, 719 00:25:16,255 --> 00:25:17,474 you it is not 720 00:25:17,934 --> 00:25:18,835 it's not 721 00:25:19,214 --> 00:25:21,394 weird to not have the time for it, 722 00:25:21,535 --> 00:25:22,595 and it is difficult 723 00:25:23,214 --> 00:25:24,914 to find and make the time. 724 00:25:25,535 --> 00:25:27,855 But it is also normal to be like, 725 00:25:27,855 --> 00:25:29,615 I can't do anything that I like to 726 00:25:29,615 --> 00:25:31,380 do at this stage of life with 727 00:25:31,779 --> 00:25:34,279 this child, whether they're a screaming infant 728 00:25:34,900 --> 00:25:37,460 or they're a pouting, I hate everything eight 729 00:25:37,460 --> 00:25:39,299 year old. Oh, I hated the I hate 730 00:25:39,299 --> 00:25:41,480 eights. That was a those were bad years. 731 00:25:41,539 --> 00:25:43,000 I hate it. I hate it. 732 00:25:43,505 --> 00:25:44,884 I hate this too, child. 733 00:25:45,265 --> 00:25:48,945 Anyway, so those, you know, those different stages 734 00:25:48,945 --> 00:25:50,625 and parts of your life, you have to 735 00:25:50,625 --> 00:25:51,125 negotiate 736 00:25:52,625 --> 00:25:55,365 the raising a child and keeping them alive 737 00:25:56,930 --> 00:25:58,529 and every other part of your life. This 738 00:25:58,529 --> 00:25:59,970 is not any different. You're not failing at 739 00:25:59,970 --> 00:26:02,529 power exchange if the different stages of childhood 740 00:26:02,529 --> 00:26:03,890 get in your way, of parenting get in 741 00:26:03,890 --> 00:26:04,470 your way. 742 00:26:05,890 --> 00:26:07,269 So, yeah, just 743 00:26:08,289 --> 00:26:10,049 keep that in mind. It's tough when you're 744 00:26:10,049 --> 00:26:11,125 a parent and you're trying to do this, 745 00:26:11,125 --> 00:26:12,724 but it is possible. You you have to 746 00:26:12,724 --> 00:26:14,265 be real freaking creative. 747 00:26:14,724 --> 00:26:16,664 Look. We have to be creative as parents. 748 00:26:16,804 --> 00:26:17,044 The 749 00:26:17,845 --> 00:26:20,105 Yeah. The random shit I've said 750 00:26:20,804 --> 00:26:21,625 and done 751 00:26:22,484 --> 00:26:23,544 as a parent. 752 00:26:23,910 --> 00:26:26,710 Things like nobody prepares you. Nobody prepares you 753 00:26:26,710 --> 00:26:28,630 to be like, actually, no. We're not gonna 754 00:26:28,630 --> 00:26:31,190 put every single Hot Wheel you own into 755 00:26:31,190 --> 00:26:33,750 your backpack and schlep that to school today. 756 00:26:33,750 --> 00:26:35,830 That's not what we're doing today. No. We're 757 00:26:35,830 --> 00:26:37,910 not gonna hide our DS under our shirt, 758 00:26:37,910 --> 00:26:39,764 also kind of in our pants, and think 759 00:26:39,764 --> 00:26:41,384 I didn't notice the big rectangular 760 00:26:42,244 --> 00:26:43,704 torso you now have. 761 00:26:45,204 --> 00:26:46,644 Other things that I will not put on 762 00:26:46,644 --> 00:26:47,865 this podcast that 763 00:26:48,484 --> 00:26:50,404 our hilarious parents would get it, but, you 764 00:26:50,404 --> 00:26:50,904 know, 765 00:26:52,404 --> 00:26:54,609 not gonna say that publicly. But y'all know. 766 00:26:54,609 --> 00:26:57,089 Anybody who's a parent, y'all know. Y'all know 767 00:26:57,089 --> 00:26:58,710 the weird shit. Right? 768 00:26:59,089 --> 00:27:00,789 This is just another thing to navigate. 769 00:27:01,569 --> 00:27:03,990 Those moments that will live in infamy. Mhmm. 770 00:27:04,210 --> 00:27:05,890 And as y'all can tell from the length 771 00:27:05,890 --> 00:27:08,224 of this episode, I can wax rhapsodic 772 00:27:08,525 --> 00:27:09,424 about this. 773 00:27:13,805 --> 00:27:16,204 But, yeah, those are the things specific to 774 00:27:16,204 --> 00:27:18,785 caregiver, little dynamic. Yeah. You know, just 775 00:27:19,980 --> 00:27:21,420 go through all those things I've already said 776 00:27:21,420 --> 00:27:23,820 five times. And as a parent of in 777 00:27:23,820 --> 00:27:24,799 any dynamic, 778 00:27:25,259 --> 00:27:27,259 if it's tough and you don't have enough 779 00:27:27,259 --> 00:27:28,559 time for it and you're like, 780 00:27:29,259 --> 00:27:31,359 when do I get to be my best 781 00:27:31,894 --> 00:27:33,595 dumb, sub, switchy self? 782 00:27:34,134 --> 00:27:36,375 That that is the eternal question we're all 783 00:27:36,375 --> 00:27:38,154 asking ourselves as parents, 784 00:27:39,255 --> 00:27:40,474 which all are. 785 00:27:41,014 --> 00:27:43,994 So Yeah. Anything you wanna add? Nope. 786 00:27:44,855 --> 00:27:45,994 So there you go. 787 00:27:47,710 --> 00:27:49,150 Thanks for listening to this week's q and 788 00:27:49,150 --> 00:27:50,590 a episode. If you want us to answer 789 00:27:50,590 --> 00:27:52,509 one of your questions, just use the contact 790 00:27:52,509 --> 00:27:54,830 page on our website at lovingbdsm.net, 791 00:27:54,830 --> 00:27:56,029 or you can find the link in the 792 00:27:56,029 --> 00:27:57,869 show notes. Big thanks as always to our 793 00:27:57,869 --> 00:28:00,190 kinky community over on Patreon. We're able to 794 00:28:00,190 --> 00:28:01,950 do this podcast and keep it going and 795 00:28:01,950 --> 00:28:03,525 help kinksters due to your 796 00:28:03,924 --> 00:28:05,205 support. If you'd like to be part of 797 00:28:05,205 --> 00:28:07,125 our community and get access to extra content 798 00:28:07,125 --> 00:28:08,724 and a Discord server with a group of 799 00:28:08,724 --> 00:28:10,724 super cool, super nice kinksters, you can do 800 00:28:10,724 --> 00:28:13,605 that. Just join us at patreon.com/kaylalords. 801 00:28:13,605 --> 00:28:16,244 That's patreon.com/kaylalords, 802 00:28:16,244 --> 00:28:17,705 or use the link in the show.