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You're listening to the Living BDSM podcast, episode

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four sixty nine.

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69.

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Nice.

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No really word at all. Still four sixty

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nine. I'm sorry. Okay.

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Kayla Lawrence here with the one, the only,

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the guy who's just as childish as I

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am, John Brownstone.

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I've embraced my inner 13 year old. Oh,

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yeah. I mean, once I had to raise

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12 and 13 year olds, I realized I

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wasn't that far off. Right. Fine. Exactly.

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In a way,

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weirdly, us laughing about this, kind of, sort

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of, if you squint, actually relates to, this

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week's topic,

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and that is,

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friendship is

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very important to the health of a long

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term power exchange relationship. And, quite frankly, JB

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and I do more

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giggling over

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things that, crack us up mutually like silly

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little friends then we do getting kinky. I

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mean, if you're gonna, like, map out the

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time spent on each activity

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Yeah. Yeah. The silly laughter,

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far outweighs

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any and and all other activities. Especially right

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before going to sleep. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

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I'm, yeah.

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We've talked about my Zoomies before.

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Also, you think I'm hilarious and that is

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one reason why I love you.

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Welcome to the Loving PD BD what are

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words?

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Welcome to the Loving BDSM

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podcast. If this is your first time listening,

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glad to have you. And, yes, it's like

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this all the time. If you're back for

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another week, welcome back. Loving BDSM is produced

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every Monday and Friday for your kinky pleasure

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in education, and show notes are found at

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lovingbdsm.net.

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Come back often and feel free to add

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the podcast to your favorite podcast app. And

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if you like what you hear and your

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podcast app allows it, please, please, please leave

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whatever the top number five, ten, I don't

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know, star review rating is available to you

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on your preferred podcast app.

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You could also follow the show on FetLife

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at loving BDSM PC

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on Instagram and technically threads at that handle

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I will fucking forever hate.

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Even when I'm

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like just in the wind,

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the molecules

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of my previous being will still

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hate

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this damn handle.

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On Instagram and technically threads. That is loving

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d s and the number one.

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So at loving d s one. On blue

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sky at loving BDSM dot blah blah blah.

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Or on YouTube at youtube.com/lovingbdsm

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where you can watch us live stream the

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podcast every Wednesday. All links are in the

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show notes.

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Away we go. I feel like somebody has

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his sassy pants on today. Maybe just a

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little bit. And I'm not sure there's room

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for two pairs of sassy pants

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at this table.

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When sassy collides.

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When sassy pants collide. Yeah.

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Okay.

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So before we get into the actual,

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episode,

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it is time for the annual let's talk

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about this for several minutes because I don't

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know how to be concise.

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Finally, finally,

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our 2026

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Patreon membership drive

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is open. It is happening.

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You are, of course, always welcome to join

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our Patreon at any point during the year.

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But if you join and or maintain

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membership

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through the membership drive, which ends February 28

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at 11:59PM

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Eastern,

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you will get sent stuff in the mail

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around April, probably late April this year, because

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because we're a little bit later starting. Mhmm.

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So we have three tiers.

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We have $2 tier. That's our lowest tier.

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It's where you get kinda like the basics,

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which is, I think, a lot for $2

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a month. We have the $5 tier, and

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we have the $10 tier. So every paid

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member of our Patreon,

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gets access to our Discord server,

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can join us for either game night or

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movie night. We alternate each month. Movie night

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is this Sunday,

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don't know what we're watching yet. We're still

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working on that part. But we'll watch a

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movie.

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And then next month in February we'll play

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an online version of Cards Against Humanity. It's

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a fun time. It is. And you also

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get,

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access

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to our behind the scenes,

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podcast. It's a monthly episode where we started

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this last year in 2025, we're continuing it

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in 2026, where we talk specifically about our

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relationship and like what's going on, sort of

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behind the scenes stuff that we,

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for different reasons, might not talk about,

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in our regular episodes. So that's what everybody

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gets. $2 a month minimum, you get all

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that. If you join as a $5

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a month member, then you get access to,

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JB who is reading, we call it Bedtime

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Stories with JB. Last year,

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he read different fairy tales from Grimm's fairy

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tales. Like like the

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the traumatic ones, not the cutesy Disney ones.

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Some of them were like what is happening

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here? I had to put content warnings on

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some of the stories. I was like, you

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need to be prepared for what you might

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be about to listen to.

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This year we're gonna find a book and

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he's gonna read different chapters. We do try

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to read or have read mostly things and

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will continue to read

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things that are in public domain, so we're

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not violating copyright.

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We're not we're not trying to, like, get

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in trouble. But I did ask her to

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find me something without old English. Yeah. That

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was oh, poor JB. Anyway, so that is

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a once a month,

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episode thing that comes out. If you find

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JB's voice particularly soothing,

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then feel free to use his voice to

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fall asleep.

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And then if you are in the $10

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level, that's our top level,

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you get access to all of that. Bedtime

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story, everything else. Plus you have,

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unlimited constant access to every digital

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product I have ever made. That's every workbook.

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That's every planner sheet, dom or sub. That's

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every coloring book. There are more coloring books

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in the digital,

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thing for $10 members than are actually on

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the Etsy shop.

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There's a couple of other documents that have

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not made it to public

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consumption but are available through Patreon.

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So that's the tiers.

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If you join during the membership drive, which

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again is, as of the time I'm speaking,

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through 02/28/2026,

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You will then, in April, get sent something

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in the mail. Yes. Even if you do

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not live in The United States, yes. We

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do ship internationally.

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For the 2 and the $5 tiers, it's

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a little sticker pack and, it's like loving

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BDSM specific stickers. So there's our logo. Sure.

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There's a Proud

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Cricut. I created one late last year. I'm

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gonna

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update it. Literally says Lola agrees.

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It'll probably be a just do what daddy

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says sticker.

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So you will get that in the mail.

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If you are the $10

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tier, you'll get the sticker pack and this

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year's enamel

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pin, p I n pin. I know the

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southern accent. Pin and pin. Two different things

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to me. Sound the same to y'all. This

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one is the one with the pokey thing

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and you can stick it on your pin

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board or your jacket or your this or

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your that or your whatever.

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I'm not exactly sure what the design will

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be, but I will be posting that in

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Patreon.

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For anybody who's like, oh, I really want

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that pin, but I don't want to spend

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$10 a month every freaking month, just do

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a $10 tier while you're in the membership

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drive. After the membership

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drive is over, go down to another tier.

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If you join

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during the membership drive and you decide to

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be an annual member, which means you only

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pay once, it's out of your bank account

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and done, you don't have to think about

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it again for another year, you get two

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months free. So you pay for ten months

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of access,

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you get twelve months of access.

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Using

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US dollars because there is, you know, international

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currencies will not be a one to one

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here. Let's say you do the $2 and

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you decide you'll pay for the year

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join during the membership drive, it's $20 plus

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the sales tax that Patreon is required by

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law to charge. And that's because Patreon almost

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got in trouble

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a few years ago. We're not charging sales

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tax.

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Do the I know. Right?

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Do the $5 tier. You will pay $50

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instead of 60 plus tax.

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The $10 tier, you do annual. It's a

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$100 instead of what is it?

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Do I know how things work Instead of

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120? I don't know how math works, but

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it's two months off the total price in

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US dollars.

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So that is also a thing we do,

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during our membership drive to incentivize

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becoming a member.

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So, yeah,

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that is what's happening.

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If you are a monthly member, not an

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annual monthly, you can switch your tier at

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any point. So if you start out

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at 10, like, because you want that enamel

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pin, p I n pin, and you're like,

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yeah, yeah, I can't do this every month,

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then you can drop it down. $2, whatever.

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If you're an annual member, you can't go

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down. You can only ever go up. That's

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a quirk of Patreon. We don't control that.

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So patreon.com/kaylalords

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is a link. It's an old link from

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before the podcast existed that I just never

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changed.

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So that's why it's just my name on

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it.

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Link is in the places. If you're like,

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what is what? Just click tap the link

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in the show notes or the description box

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depending on where you're listening slash watching.

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But it is patreon.com/kaylalords.

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In order to get the thing in the

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mail, you do have to give me your

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mailing address and it needs to be the

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correct one.

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Every year, mail, comes back. I try to

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seek people out. And some years, people never

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respond to my message with a correct mailing

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address.

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So

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we would love to have you. I think

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we're, like, pretty cool, pretty chill folk, especially

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00:09:58,919 --> 00:09:59,740
in the Discord.

271
00:10:01,480 --> 00:10:03,980
So, yeah, please join our

272
00:10:04,679 --> 00:10:07,334
Patreon community. Yay. Okay.

273
00:10:08,514 --> 00:10:10,294
Please and thank you. There we go.

274
00:10:14,195 --> 00:10:15,654
I will endeavor

275
00:10:16,274 --> 00:10:17,414
in future episodes

276
00:10:18,115 --> 00:10:20,460
while the membership drive is going on to

277
00:10:20,860 --> 00:10:23,259
be quicker about it than that. But the

278
00:10:23,259 --> 00:10:25,259
first one's always the long one. I gotta

279
00:10:25,259 --> 00:10:27,200
talk about all the things we do.

280
00:10:28,779 --> 00:10:29,279
So

281
00:10:30,700 --> 00:10:31,200
the

282
00:10:31,899 --> 00:10:34,800
episode that we are doing today is technically

283
00:10:35,214 --> 00:10:36,995
not a redo but a revisit.

284
00:10:37,534 --> 00:10:38,034
Mhmm.

285
00:10:39,134 --> 00:10:41,534
We have for years talked about how we

286
00:10:41,534 --> 00:10:42,674
believe friendship

287
00:10:43,054 --> 00:10:45,294
needs to be the basis of any dynamic

288
00:10:45,294 --> 00:10:47,054
you have, even if it's not long term.

289
00:10:47,054 --> 00:10:48,290
You're not trying to live the rest of

290
00:10:48,290 --> 00:10:49,970
your life together. Because at the end of

291
00:10:49,970 --> 00:10:51,990
the day, I think you should actually actively

292
00:10:52,610 --> 00:10:55,330
like slash respect the human being you're doing

293
00:10:55,330 --> 00:10:56,389
kink things with.

294
00:11:00,335 --> 00:11:01,475
Look. You can consensually

295
00:11:01,855 --> 00:11:04,095
disrespect one another. That's a whole thing you

296
00:11:04,095 --> 00:11:04,995
get to negotiate.

297
00:11:06,495 --> 00:11:07,715
But outside of that,

298
00:11:08,254 --> 00:11:09,394
I do think it's

299
00:11:09,774 --> 00:11:12,174
helpful if you think the person you're doing

300
00:11:12,174 --> 00:11:14,254
the kink things with is a cool person

301
00:11:14,254 --> 00:11:15,559
you like to be around.

302
00:11:16,100 --> 00:11:16,600
But,

303
00:11:18,019 --> 00:11:21,460
the other night, we were in bed laughing

304
00:11:21,460 --> 00:11:24,040
about I don't even know. Couldn't tell you.

305
00:11:24,500 --> 00:11:25,940
It was it was not last night, which

306
00:11:25,940 --> 00:11:27,379
I now can't remember. Well, you were saying

307
00:11:27,379 --> 00:11:29,665
that before. And I don't remember. You you

308
00:11:29,665 --> 00:11:31,825
said you made a comment. I'm not And

309
00:11:31,825 --> 00:11:33,745
I don't remember the comment. All of these

310
00:11:33,745 --> 00:11:36,165
stories started. But my but my answer was,

311
00:11:36,785 --> 00:11:37,925
that's what he said.

312
00:11:40,299 --> 00:11:41,820
Don't make me spit water off of my

313
00:11:41,820 --> 00:11:42,320
desk.

314
00:11:43,100 --> 00:11:44,860
And you just clacked up and then it

315
00:11:44,860 --> 00:11:47,500
just snowballed. We I well, cap so we

316
00:11:47,500 --> 00:11:49,600
start laughing. I'm laughing. He's laughing.

317
00:11:49,980 --> 00:11:52,460
We are giggling like little kids, and I

318
00:11:52,460 --> 00:11:54,220
am thinking, oh my god. This man is

319
00:11:54,220 --> 00:11:55,679
my best friend. I there's

320
00:11:56,144 --> 00:11:58,144
very few people in the world I've ever

321
00:11:58,144 --> 00:12:00,644
laughed like this with. And then, of course,

322
00:12:00,865 --> 00:12:02,884
because the semibrain operates, it's like,

323
00:12:03,345 --> 00:12:05,605
oh, we need to talk about friendship

324
00:12:06,625 --> 00:12:08,065
within power exchange. And I was like, yeah.

325
00:12:08,065 --> 00:12:09,480
But have we already talked about it? We

326
00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:11,259
did. 2020,

327
00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:14,199
like, right on the cusp of COVID, like,

328
00:12:14,199 --> 00:12:15,579
kicking all of our asses.

329
00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:17,899
March,

330
00:12:17,959 --> 00:12:19,799
I think, for the for YouTube and the

331
00:12:19,799 --> 00:12:21,495
thirteenth through the audio podcast.

332
00:12:21,975 --> 00:12:24,455
Like, right as people start to go, I

333
00:12:24,455 --> 00:12:26,375
think we're gonna have to close schools down

334
00:12:26,375 --> 00:12:28,714
for a minute. Something's wrong here.

335
00:12:29,254 --> 00:12:31,434
And we were talking then about how

336
00:12:31,815 --> 00:12:33,815
our personal experience, how we started off as

337
00:12:33,815 --> 00:12:35,735
friends, why that mattered, what that did for

338
00:12:35,735 --> 00:12:36,235
us.

339
00:12:36,629 --> 00:12:38,110
And when I realized we'd done the episode,

340
00:12:38,110 --> 00:12:39,029
I was like, we have to do the

341
00:12:39,029 --> 00:12:40,950
episode again. It's been almost six years. And

342
00:12:40,950 --> 00:12:41,450
also

343
00:12:42,549 --> 00:12:45,750
the friendship getting us through shit, we thought

344
00:12:45,750 --> 00:12:48,629
it had done it pre prior to 2020.

345
00:12:48,629 --> 00:12:49,450
And it did.

346
00:12:50,870 --> 00:12:51,855
The past six

347
00:12:52,334 --> 00:12:54,334
years, if we were not each other's best

348
00:12:54,334 --> 00:12:56,495
friends, I don't know where we would be

349
00:12:56,495 --> 00:12:57,315
right now.

350
00:12:58,095 --> 00:13:00,654
Probably not sitting here like this. It's not

351
00:13:00,654 --> 00:13:02,195
sitting here like this.

352
00:13:04,894 --> 00:13:07,500
So two things, if you've never listened to

353
00:13:07,500 --> 00:13:09,659
slash watched that episode, it is linked in

354
00:13:09,659 --> 00:13:11,419
the places. Feel free. If you look at

355
00:13:11,419 --> 00:13:12,639
the YouTube video,

356
00:13:13,659 --> 00:13:15,039
do I look different.

357
00:13:16,139 --> 00:13:17,980
I don't like to look at those old

358
00:13:17,980 --> 00:13:20,654
YouTube videos. It makes me sad.

359
00:13:22,714 --> 00:13:23,214
Anyway,

360
00:13:24,075 --> 00:13:26,575
this one is gonna be very notes heavy

361
00:13:27,034 --> 00:13:27,534
because

362
00:13:28,475 --> 00:13:31,434
2020 to now, I we've always believed that.

363
00:13:31,434 --> 00:13:33,455
We've always known for ourselves

364
00:13:34,259 --> 00:13:35,860
it is a good thing to be friends.

365
00:13:35,860 --> 00:13:37,720
It is what gets you through

366
00:13:38,100 --> 00:13:39,700
all the times you can't be kinky, all

367
00:13:39,700 --> 00:13:41,139
the times your dynamic has to take a

368
00:13:41,139 --> 00:13:42,980
break, all the times life tries to kick

369
00:13:42,980 --> 00:13:43,960
your fucking ass.

370
00:13:44,340 --> 00:13:45,399
But this time,

371
00:13:45,875 --> 00:13:47,014
I came with resources.

372
00:13:47,394 --> 00:13:48,454
I came with notes.

373
00:13:48,834 --> 00:13:50,595
So this one will be very note heavy.

374
00:13:50,595 --> 00:13:52,274
I'm gonna try and go section by section.

375
00:13:52,274 --> 00:13:54,115
We'll talk about our dynamic and how this

376
00:13:54,115 --> 00:13:56,454
works for us while going through what other

377
00:13:56,514 --> 00:13:59,235
seemingly intelligent people have said. Yeah. All of

378
00:13:59,235 --> 00:14:01,174
the links to the things I used

379
00:14:01,580 --> 00:14:02,320
are also

380
00:14:02,860 --> 00:14:03,840
linked in the places.

381
00:14:04,700 --> 00:14:06,720
The thing that is a little frustrating

382
00:14:07,019 --> 00:14:08,940
is when you wanna find out about the

383
00:14:08,940 --> 00:14:10,000
importance of friendship,

384
00:14:10,860 --> 00:14:13,544
with long term, relationships, they all talk about

385
00:14:13,625 --> 00:14:16,825
marriage and many, not all, but many assume

386
00:14:16,825 --> 00:14:18,445
we are talking a cis heterosexual

387
00:14:18,985 --> 00:14:19,485
marriage,

388
00:14:19,945 --> 00:14:20,684
which is

389
00:14:21,225 --> 00:14:23,404
not true for like, that's just not

390
00:14:23,784 --> 00:14:26,504
the reality for plenty of people. So it

391
00:14:26,504 --> 00:14:28,584
won't be like always the resources won't always

392
00:14:28,584 --> 00:14:29,860
be a one to one, oh, this always

393
00:14:29,860 --> 00:14:32,259
applies to kink relationships or just, you know,

394
00:14:32,259 --> 00:14:34,899
air quote this awful term non traditional or

395
00:14:34,899 --> 00:14:35,399
whatever.

396
00:14:36,019 --> 00:14:36,519
But

397
00:14:36,980 --> 00:14:38,279
I tried to pull out the points

398
00:14:38,740 --> 00:14:39,240
that

399
00:14:40,259 --> 00:14:41,000
I liked.

400
00:14:41,985 --> 00:14:44,304
Just name my bio Caesar in there. I

401
00:14:44,304 --> 00:14:45,044
liked them.

402
00:14:45,825 --> 00:14:46,325
So,

403
00:14:47,105 --> 00:14:48,245
at the very top,

404
00:14:48,945 --> 00:14:51,504
the Gottman Institute, Doctor. Gottman, I have been

405
00:14:51,504 --> 00:14:53,825
relying more on their site, even though most

406
00:14:53,825 --> 00:14:55,445
of the good stuff is behind a paywall.

407
00:14:55,709 --> 00:14:57,789
So that doesn't help me. I'm not paying

408
00:14:57,789 --> 00:14:58,370
for it.

409
00:14:59,309 --> 00:15:02,189
Because the Gottmans as a married couple have

410
00:15:02,189 --> 00:15:03,889
been researching marriage specifically

411
00:15:04,350 --> 00:15:07,629
for apparently like decades. So they've got some

412
00:15:07,629 --> 00:15:09,584
hard numbers to sort of back them up.

413
00:15:09,584 --> 00:15:11,824
So I feel like they're they're reputable. So

414
00:15:11,824 --> 00:15:12,625
the first thing,

415
00:15:14,464 --> 00:15:15,684
when talking about

416
00:15:16,065 --> 00:15:19,264
friendship in long term relationships, regardless of the

417
00:15:19,264 --> 00:15:19,764
flavor:

418
00:15:20,065 --> 00:15:21,524
kinky, vanilla, whatever.

419
00:15:22,049 --> 00:15:23,669
Intimate committed relationships

420
00:15:24,129 --> 00:15:27,269
invariably require a certain level of dedication,

421
00:15:27,970 --> 00:15:31,269
loyalty, mutual support, patience, and persistence.

422
00:15:31,970 --> 00:15:32,870
That's a lot.

423
00:15:33,330 --> 00:15:35,485
I mean, it sounds exhausting. When you're looking

424
00:15:35,485 --> 00:15:36,524
at it from the outside, you're not in

425
00:15:36,524 --> 00:15:38,365
a relationship, you're like, shit. That's a lot

426
00:15:38,365 --> 00:15:41,324
of work. When you like the person you're

427
00:15:41,324 --> 00:15:41,824
with,

428
00:15:42,125 --> 00:15:45,564
it doesn't feel like work. Yeah. Yeah. I

429
00:15:45,564 --> 00:15:46,940
mean, we have all of those things. We

430
00:15:46,940 --> 00:15:48,620
are dedicated. We are loyal. We do support

431
00:15:48,620 --> 00:15:51,120
one another. We are both working on patience.

432
00:15:51,339 --> 00:15:52,959
Ain't nobody perfect. Okay?

433
00:15:53,659 --> 00:15:55,659
And persistence, I am I used to be

434
00:15:55,659 --> 00:15:57,179
a very patient person. You used to be.

435
00:15:57,179 --> 00:15:58,620
I used to Before I met you. Almost

436
00:15:58,620 --> 00:16:00,459
just like What happened? I used to be

437
00:16:00,459 --> 00:16:01,605
very annoyed at you for

438
00:16:01,985 --> 00:16:02,485
your

439
00:16:03,424 --> 00:16:03,924
patience.

440
00:16:04,865 --> 00:16:06,304
I think life kicked you in the teeth

441
00:16:06,304 --> 00:16:07,825
a little bit and you're like, fuck this

442
00:16:07,825 --> 00:16:08,804
patient shit.

443
00:16:09,184 --> 00:16:10,965
But you're still more patient than I am,

444
00:16:11,184 --> 00:16:12,865
which is not true. When your emotions get

445
00:16:12,865 --> 00:16:14,644
high, I am the more patient one. Yeah.

446
00:16:14,705 --> 00:16:16,330
And thank God thank God he taught me

447
00:16:16,330 --> 00:16:18,250
something about patience. It rubbed off on me,

448
00:16:18,250 --> 00:16:19,610
and then we needed me to be more

449
00:16:19,610 --> 00:16:20,509
patient. Right.

450
00:16:21,129 --> 00:16:21,929
And I

451
00:16:22,490 --> 00:16:24,409
I am a dog with a bone in

452
00:16:24,409 --> 00:16:25,309
terms of persistence.

453
00:16:25,690 --> 00:16:28,830
To my detriment sometimes, to your annoyance sometimes.

454
00:16:28,970 --> 00:16:31,784
Oh, because, oh, we're going to persist. Okay.

455
00:16:31,784 --> 00:16:34,345
Nevertheless, she persisted. Oh, the fuck. Yes. She

456
00:16:34,345 --> 00:16:35,245
did. Okay.

457
00:16:35,784 --> 00:16:38,345
You are with me until the end. You

458
00:16:38,345 --> 00:16:39,245
know, folks,

459
00:16:39,784 --> 00:16:42,745
just just to show you how dogged she

460
00:16:42,745 --> 00:16:45,279
is and can be. Dog with a bone

461
00:16:45,279 --> 00:16:47,120
is a very fair assumption. What just happened

462
00:16:47,120 --> 00:16:47,779
this morning,

463
00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:50,000
when I was working on the on the

464
00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:51,620
lathe replacing the

465
00:16:52,160 --> 00:16:54,480
bearings. This was the old lathe by the

466
00:16:54,480 --> 00:16:56,660
way, not the new one. And,

467
00:16:57,945 --> 00:16:59,805
I had just found out that I had

468
00:17:00,264 --> 00:17:01,644
put the part in wrong

469
00:17:03,384 --> 00:17:05,224
and getting ready to refit the magnet in

470
00:17:05,224 --> 00:17:06,924
there after I did all that.

471
00:17:08,105 --> 00:17:09,085
She came out

472
00:17:10,440 --> 00:17:11,980
to the garage where I was working

473
00:17:13,559 --> 00:17:15,400
and I was in that in this mode.

474
00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:17,480
I was pissed at that machine and I

475
00:17:17,480 --> 00:17:18,619
was pissed at myself

476
00:17:19,079 --> 00:17:21,000
for having taken apart a part that didn't

477
00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:23,160
need to be taken apart. But, anyway, she

478
00:17:23,160 --> 00:17:24,884
comes out there and she's standing there

479
00:17:26,244 --> 00:17:27,765
and I'm this was it. I wanted this

480
00:17:27,765 --> 00:17:28,505
thing together.

481
00:17:30,484 --> 00:17:32,025
And, she just stood there

482
00:17:32,404 --> 00:17:33,224
and watched

483
00:17:33,605 --> 00:17:34,904
and followed me around.

484
00:17:37,204 --> 00:17:39,865
And, once I had that final

485
00:17:40,470 --> 00:17:42,069
screw in place and I took out my

486
00:17:42,069 --> 00:17:42,569
earbuds,

487
00:17:44,789 --> 00:17:46,710
that's when the talking started. Look, I am

488
00:17:46,710 --> 00:17:48,569
trainable. Okay? I mean,

489
00:17:49,910 --> 00:17:53,190
bigger, better carrots work than bigger, better sticks,

490
00:17:53,190 --> 00:17:54,329
but I am trainable.

491
00:17:56,204 --> 00:17:58,125
So yeah. So that is like, this is

492
00:17:58,125 --> 00:17:58,625
what

493
00:17:59,404 --> 00:18:00,704
intimate committed relationships

494
00:18:01,164 --> 00:18:02,944
require according to the Gottmans.

495
00:18:04,204 --> 00:18:05,884
Those things I don't think are gonna be

496
00:18:05,884 --> 00:18:08,160
unfamiliar to anybody who's in a long wants

497
00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:09,779
to be or is in a long term

498
00:18:10,240 --> 00:18:13,039
relationship of any kind. But the thing that

499
00:18:13,039 --> 00:18:13,539
I

500
00:18:13,840 --> 00:18:16,099
noticed was but those are also the things

501
00:18:16,320 --> 00:18:16,820
that

502
00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:20,240
a good friend provides. Right? So it's not

503
00:18:20,240 --> 00:18:21,779
that it is unique to

504
00:18:22,184 --> 00:18:24,444
romantic relationships, sexual relationships,

505
00:18:25,144 --> 00:18:25,644
platonic

506
00:18:26,024 --> 00:18:26,345
what

507
00:18:27,304 --> 00:18:29,384
Friends do these things for one another just

508
00:18:29,384 --> 00:18:31,244
as much as other types of relationships.

509
00:18:32,024 --> 00:18:32,524
Now,

510
00:18:33,065 --> 00:18:35,600
also from Doctor. Gottman specifically, it was a

511
00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:36,000
quote,

512
00:18:37,360 --> 00:18:39,519
in an article or a book. I've linked

513
00:18:39,519 --> 00:18:40,259
to the thing.

514
00:18:40,799 --> 00:18:43,220
He said: Couples with deep friendships have

515
00:18:43,840 --> 00:18:46,420
mutual respect and enjoyment of each other's company.

516
00:18:46,559 --> 00:18:48,674
They tend to know each other intimately. They

517
00:18:48,674 --> 00:18:50,994
are well versed in each other's likes, dislikes,

518
00:18:50,994 --> 00:18:53,234
personality quirks, hopes, and dreams. They have an

519
00:18:53,234 --> 00:18:55,474
abiding regard for each other and express this

520
00:18:55,474 --> 00:18:57,714
fondness not just in the big ways but

521
00:18:57,714 --> 00:19:00,454
in little ways day in and day out.

522
00:19:01,555 --> 00:19:02,055
Every

523
00:19:04,230 --> 00:19:06,009
When I say good that's a very subjective

524
00:19:06,309 --> 00:19:08,009
term, of course, and any

525
00:19:08,309 --> 00:19:10,630
air quote good relationship can turn bad for

526
00:19:10,630 --> 00:19:12,230
things you don't know about if you're on

527
00:19:12,230 --> 00:19:15,029
the outside looking in. But every relationship I

528
00:19:15,029 --> 00:19:17,964
would have considered good and healthy and, like,

529
00:19:18,184 --> 00:19:20,105
able to go for the long term. Even

530
00:19:20,105 --> 00:19:21,944
from the outside looking in, you could see

531
00:19:21,944 --> 00:19:24,904
it. Those people know each other and like

532
00:19:24,904 --> 00:19:27,304
each other and want to be in each

533
00:19:27,304 --> 00:19:28,924
other's company and

534
00:19:29,279 --> 00:19:31,460
and can also be apart from one another,

535
00:19:31,519 --> 00:19:33,359
but then are happy to come back together

536
00:19:33,359 --> 00:19:36,180
again. The way I have known every relationship,

537
00:19:36,799 --> 00:19:38,500
friendship, romantic, whatever

538
00:19:38,799 --> 00:19:40,960
needed to fucking end was when I did

539
00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:42,720
not want to be in a room with

540
00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:45,815
them ever. When I was happier when they

541
00:19:45,815 --> 00:19:46,474
were gone.

542
00:19:47,174 --> 00:19:48,214
Now Dang. It

543
00:19:49,015 --> 00:19:49,515
Yeah.

544
00:19:50,855 --> 00:19:52,615
Did it always take me a while to

545
00:19:52,615 --> 00:19:55,015
realize that? Did did my brain, like, filter

546
00:19:55,015 --> 00:19:56,535
in all these other reasons I must be

547
00:19:56,535 --> 00:19:59,174
feeling a sense of relief or happiness or

548
00:19:59,174 --> 00:20:02,349
whatever? Sure. I mean it wasn't always obvious,

549
00:20:02,410 --> 00:20:04,410
but looking back I could always go oh

550
00:20:04,410 --> 00:20:06,329
yeah. That's all I knew. That wasn't gonna

551
00:20:06,329 --> 00:20:08,250
work. Because I didn't like them. Let me

552
00:20:08,250 --> 00:20:10,990
say it again. As an actual human

553
00:20:12,569 --> 00:20:13,950
on top of anything else.

554
00:20:15,345 --> 00:20:18,164
And I mean, you know, I'm gonna, like,

555
00:20:18,625 --> 00:20:20,644
toot my own horn over here except

556
00:20:21,025 --> 00:20:21,924
toot toot, motherfucker.

557
00:20:22,704 --> 00:20:24,404
This to me describes

558
00:20:25,105 --> 00:20:25,605
us.

559
00:20:26,464 --> 00:20:28,289
I know I don't know every like or

560
00:20:28,369 --> 00:20:30,450
dislike. We are constantly learning about one another.

561
00:20:30,450 --> 00:20:33,250
Mhmm. You know my personality, of course, because

562
00:20:33,250 --> 00:20:35,809
I've just stopped hiding them quite frankly. And

563
00:20:35,809 --> 00:20:36,950
that's another thing.

564
00:20:37,410 --> 00:20:40,150
You know, the level of trust and intimacy

565
00:20:40,289 --> 00:20:41,974
you get to where you can just show

566
00:20:41,974 --> 00:20:44,714
your full true self to a a partner

567
00:20:45,174 --> 00:20:47,255
is then where they can learn all of

568
00:20:47,255 --> 00:20:49,575
those little quirks that it's possible that your

569
00:20:49,575 --> 00:20:50,634
own, like,

570
00:20:50,934 --> 00:20:51,674
you know,

571
00:20:52,294 --> 00:20:54,920
family that you were raised with, born into,

572
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:56,859
whatever doesn't know anything about. Right?

573
00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:02,220
Well, doing that also, you know, gives,

574
00:21:02,839 --> 00:21:04,059
opens you up to vulnerability.

575
00:21:04,599 --> 00:21:07,660
Yes. And you and power exchange requires vulnerability

576
00:21:07,720 --> 00:21:08,795
and intimacy.

577
00:21:09,975 --> 00:21:12,075
Mhmm. But there's there are

578
00:21:12,535 --> 00:21:13,035
overlaps.

579
00:21:13,494 --> 00:21:13,994
Yes.

580
00:21:14,455 --> 00:21:14,955
Yes.

581
00:21:15,894 --> 00:21:17,815
So the thing I want to point out

582
00:21:17,815 --> 00:21:19,494
as we start talking about this, I don't

583
00:21:19,494 --> 00:21:21,509
think the way I've framed any of this,

584
00:21:21,509 --> 00:21:22,549
and I hope the way we talk about

585
00:21:22,549 --> 00:21:24,549
this does not come across this way. There

586
00:21:24,549 --> 00:21:27,430
are infinite ways to experience friendship. Even the

587
00:21:27,430 --> 00:21:28,650
Gottman say that. So

588
00:21:29,430 --> 00:21:31,509
the way we define our friendship or how

589
00:21:31,509 --> 00:21:33,430
how we know that we're friends might not

590
00:21:33,430 --> 00:21:33,930
be

591
00:21:34,605 --> 00:21:36,125
the way that you know you're friends with

592
00:21:36,125 --> 00:21:38,065
somebody else. There might be, like, other circumstances.

593
00:21:38,204 --> 00:21:39,585
I'm gonna get into stuff

594
00:21:40,045 --> 00:21:42,144
where they talk about this is, you know,

595
00:21:42,525 --> 00:21:44,125
what friendship could do for you, what friendship

596
00:21:44,125 --> 00:21:45,345
looks like, blah blah blah.

597
00:21:45,884 --> 00:21:47,450
And it's you know, every once in a

598
00:21:47,450 --> 00:21:49,029
while, I think it's in here. It's like,

599
00:21:49,250 --> 00:21:51,430
you know, enjoying some of the same things.

600
00:21:52,289 --> 00:21:53,990
Yes and no? Like,

601
00:21:54,289 --> 00:21:55,890
we do enjoy some of the same things.

602
00:21:55,890 --> 00:21:58,289
Hello, power exchange. That's usually, like, the common

603
00:21:58,289 --> 00:22:00,210
factor. Right? You're like, oh, yeah. We both

604
00:22:00,210 --> 00:22:01,535
enjoy the kink. Right?

605
00:22:02,154 --> 00:22:04,715
But it's not a requirement to always like

606
00:22:04,715 --> 00:22:06,955
all of the same things or always agree

607
00:22:06,955 --> 00:22:08,475
on all of the same things and all

608
00:22:08,475 --> 00:22:10,475
that good stuff. So just keep that in

609
00:22:10,475 --> 00:22:12,955
mind. Like, however we're talking about friendship as

610
00:22:12,955 --> 00:22:13,890
it relates to

611
00:22:14,369 --> 00:22:16,630
a successful long term power exchange,

612
00:22:18,369 --> 00:22:20,450
there are variations in in how how you

613
00:22:20,450 --> 00:22:22,450
get there. Like how why and how somebody

614
00:22:22,450 --> 00:22:24,450
is your friend and why and how that

615
00:22:24,450 --> 00:22:25,269
is all expressed.

616
00:22:26,049 --> 00:22:28,265
Okay. So I did try to section this

617
00:22:28,265 --> 00:22:30,184
off so that we can try to talk

618
00:22:30,184 --> 00:22:31,325
about it in sections.

619
00:22:32,424 --> 00:22:33,945
It was two pages of, like, all the

620
00:22:33,945 --> 00:22:36,345
bullet points. So just Oh goodness. So this

621
00:22:36,345 --> 00:22:38,285
is from a specific article, it is linked,

622
00:22:38,345 --> 00:22:40,825
about what friendship can add or do for

623
00:22:40,825 --> 00:22:43,179
a long term relationship. Okay. Okay? So we'll

624
00:22:43,179 --> 00:22:44,799
kind of go down these.

625
00:22:45,339 --> 00:22:48,460
It can enhance emotional intimacy. When partners feel

626
00:22:48,460 --> 00:22:50,619
safe and understood, they can share their deepest

627
00:22:50,619 --> 00:22:53,440
thoughts and vulnerabilities without fear of judgment. Mhmm.

628
00:22:53,500 --> 00:22:56,380
That's absolutely true. Now do we jokingly judge

629
00:22:56,380 --> 00:22:57,039
one another?

630
00:22:57,394 --> 00:22:59,654
Yes. Yeah. Because we think we're funny. Okay?

631
00:23:00,034 --> 00:23:02,355
But we can jokingly judge one another because

632
00:23:02,355 --> 00:23:04,034
we know it is a joke. We are

633
00:23:04,034 --> 00:23:05,954
both in on the joke because we've had

634
00:23:05,954 --> 00:23:08,434
enough experience where we were not judging one

635
00:23:08,434 --> 00:23:10,274
another, and we're just going, oh my god.

636
00:23:10,274 --> 00:23:11,794
That's awful. Oh my gosh. How can I

637
00:23:11,794 --> 00:23:13,450
help? Oh my gosh. I see you. I've

638
00:23:13,529 --> 00:23:16,009
I validate your experience for JB. I'm gonna

639
00:23:16,009 --> 00:23:18,410
tell you the thing that I have watched

640
00:23:18,410 --> 00:23:20,250
change this man more than anything over all

641
00:23:20,250 --> 00:23:22,029
these years together is me

642
00:23:22,730 --> 00:23:25,549
literally validating his experiences and going, that fucking

643
00:23:25,610 --> 00:23:27,615
sucked. Those people sucked. You should not have

644
00:23:27,615 --> 00:23:29,375
gone through that. Because he's got a whole

645
00:23:29,375 --> 00:23:31,535
lifetime of people telling him that he should

646
00:23:31,535 --> 00:23:32,975
get over it and it wasn't that bad

647
00:23:32,975 --> 00:23:34,575
and what are you complaining about and blah

648
00:23:34,575 --> 00:23:36,035
blah. That's just how it is.

649
00:23:36,414 --> 00:23:39,089
And I'm over here going, no. That was

650
00:23:39,169 --> 00:23:41,829
fucked up. Because when I'm your BFF,

651
00:23:42,130 --> 00:23:43,349
I'm a tell you

652
00:23:43,809 --> 00:23:46,049
when something was fucked up. I'm a try

653
00:23:46,049 --> 00:23:47,809
to read the room a little bit, but

654
00:23:47,809 --> 00:23:50,210
sometimes Yeah. Well, it's kinda hard when when

655
00:23:50,210 --> 00:23:50,710
your

656
00:23:51,409 --> 00:23:51,909
partner

657
00:23:52,304 --> 00:23:55,024
has a psychology degree too. Who also has

658
00:23:55,024 --> 00:23:57,345
a deep abiding fascination with why humans do

659
00:23:57,345 --> 00:23:58,325
what they do. Yeah.

660
00:23:58,704 --> 00:24:00,384
Y'all are my special interest. I don't know

661
00:24:00,384 --> 00:24:00,865
what to tell you.

662
00:24:03,984 --> 00:24:06,390
But we already know about the, you know,

663
00:24:06,630 --> 00:24:07,130
importance

664
00:24:07,589 --> 00:24:09,990
of intimacy in Power Change. We have done

665
00:24:09,990 --> 00:24:10,730
that episode.

666
00:24:11,190 --> 00:24:13,829
Emotional intimacy when we say intimacy, I think

667
00:24:13,829 --> 00:24:15,109
a lot of people think about the physical

668
00:24:15,109 --> 00:24:17,269
and the physical is there. Hello? Some of

669
00:24:17,269 --> 00:24:19,109
us are bent over naked. We're strapped to

670
00:24:19,109 --> 00:24:20,009
something naked.

671
00:24:20,470 --> 00:24:21,865
Often a lot of naked.

672
00:24:22,244 --> 00:24:24,884
Right? And you are doing things physically to

673
00:24:24,884 --> 00:24:27,365
and with one another that in other contexts

674
00:24:27,365 --> 00:24:28,505
could get you arrested,

675
00:24:29,045 --> 00:24:31,205
that you would not do with e just

676
00:24:31,205 --> 00:24:32,585
anybody else. Right?

677
00:24:33,045 --> 00:24:34,424
But the emotional intimacy

678
00:24:34,789 --> 00:24:36,710
to me is where some of that starts

679
00:24:36,710 --> 00:24:38,329
for the long term. I can't

680
00:24:38,630 --> 00:24:39,130
speak,

681
00:24:40,390 --> 00:24:42,730
in any way shape or form on casual

682
00:24:43,109 --> 00:24:44,149
play partners, on,

683
00:24:47,029 --> 00:24:48,424
even, you know,

684
00:24:49,924 --> 00:24:51,924
relationships that are more, like, a little bit

685
00:24:51,924 --> 00:24:53,445
more fluid. You kind of come into and

686
00:24:53,445 --> 00:24:55,125
out of each other's lives even though you

687
00:24:55,125 --> 00:24:57,205
deeply care about one another. When I think

688
00:24:57,205 --> 00:24:59,125
about it, I am thinking long term. We

689
00:24:59,125 --> 00:25:00,884
live in the same house. We have some

690
00:25:00,884 --> 00:25:02,965
of the same goals. Mhmm. You know? And

691
00:25:02,965 --> 00:25:03,599
that's not

692
00:25:04,319 --> 00:25:06,480
necessarily about marriage. It's certainly not about sex

693
00:25:06,480 --> 00:25:07,859
or romance necessarily.

694
00:25:09,119 --> 00:25:10,720
That's all, like, kind of on top of

695
00:25:10,720 --> 00:25:13,779
it. It's the power exchange itself. We are

696
00:25:14,079 --> 00:25:15,779
look. Look. I might be mumbling,

697
00:25:16,585 --> 00:25:19,464
daddy under my dying breath. Okay? And my

698
00:25:19,464 --> 00:25:21,884
poor children and grandchildren are gonna be like,

699
00:25:22,024 --> 00:25:23,784
oh, did she miss her father? I thought

700
00:25:23,784 --> 00:25:25,464
she said he was an asshole. And they're

701
00:25:25,464 --> 00:25:26,684
not gonna understand.

702
00:25:27,304 --> 00:25:28,984
But I'm a 99

703
00:25:28,984 --> 00:25:29,484
and

704
00:25:30,460 --> 00:25:32,859
barely holding my last two brain cells together

705
00:25:32,859 --> 00:25:34,700
and will probably be asking for my daddy.

706
00:25:34,700 --> 00:25:36,159
Okay? Like, I just

707
00:25:36,700 --> 00:25:37,759
I just know.

708
00:25:39,099 --> 00:25:41,359
So yeah. To to when you

709
00:25:41,980 --> 00:25:43,634
now how do you go about making somebody

710
00:25:43,634 --> 00:25:44,934
feel safe and understood?

711
00:25:46,034 --> 00:25:48,855
That's a long term group project, y'all.

712
00:25:49,794 --> 00:25:51,554
It's not what you say today. It's not

713
00:25:51,554 --> 00:25:53,474
what you do tomorrow. It is what you

714
00:25:53,474 --> 00:25:56,539
say and do every fucking day, including when

715
00:25:56,539 --> 00:25:58,779
you fuck up. Because you will. You will.

716
00:25:58,779 --> 00:26:00,460
You will say the wrong thing. You laugh

717
00:26:00,460 --> 00:26:01,980
at the wrong thing. Like I always used

718
00:26:01,980 --> 00:26:03,839
to say back in the day,

719
00:26:04,299 --> 00:26:04,799
consistency.

720
00:26:05,900 --> 00:26:08,299
I know. It is good. Consistency is good.

721
00:26:08,299 --> 00:26:09,944
It's right up there with patience for me.

722
00:26:09,944 --> 00:26:11,704
Like, I know it's good. I know it's

723
00:26:11,704 --> 00:26:13,085
positive. It's just hard.

724
00:26:14,585 --> 00:26:16,585
So there yeah. There's the emotional entity. Then

725
00:26:16,585 --> 00:26:18,345
we've got and this is you and I,

726
00:26:18,345 --> 00:26:20,044
we're good at this one. Uh-oh.

727
00:26:21,144 --> 00:26:23,819
Friendship in a long term relationship promotes playfulness

728
00:26:23,880 --> 00:26:25,319
and fun. Oh, yeah. We have that down

729
00:26:25,319 --> 00:26:27,240
there. Laughing together? Or do you have these

730
00:26:27,240 --> 00:26:29,079
little shared jokes? We have so many shared

731
00:26:29,079 --> 00:26:31,480
jokes. I could not explain them to anybody.

732
00:26:31,480 --> 00:26:33,819
Mhmm. Do you have three hours

733
00:26:34,200 --> 00:26:35,019
and enough,

734
00:26:35,399 --> 00:26:38,455
focus for the 300 slide PowerPoint I'm gonna

735
00:26:38,455 --> 00:26:40,615
need to get you from point a to

736
00:26:40,615 --> 00:26:43,015
point z on how we thought that weird

737
00:26:43,015 --> 00:26:44,714
thing right there was funny?

738
00:26:45,015 --> 00:26:48,455
No. No. The inside jokes. The way you

739
00:26:48,455 --> 00:26:50,170
change language. I see this all the time,

740
00:26:50,410 --> 00:26:52,410
online. People are talking about their own relationships

741
00:26:52,410 --> 00:26:54,089
of all flavors, and they're talking about how

742
00:26:54,089 --> 00:26:55,609
you come up with, like, your own secret

743
00:26:55,609 --> 00:26:57,369
words and your own secret language and your

744
00:26:57,369 --> 00:26:58,830
shorthand. Boody boody.

745
00:27:02,330 --> 00:27:05,049
Whoopies. I mean, whoopies might have an actual

746
00:27:05,049 --> 00:27:05,384
technical

747
00:27:05,945 --> 00:27:08,505
definitive start, but that is part of our

748
00:27:08,505 --> 00:27:09,565
language now.

749
00:27:11,545 --> 00:27:14,265
So yeah. The you know, it breaks down

750
00:27:14,265 --> 00:27:16,825
to enjoying spending time together laughing about silly

751
00:27:16,825 --> 00:27:18,509
things. It's this is This is what I'm

752
00:27:18,509 --> 00:27:20,509
thinking of when I'm like, do you even

753
00:27:20,509 --> 00:27:22,670
like your partner? Like as a person, take

754
00:27:22,670 --> 00:27:24,190
away the power exchange. They're not your dom,

755
00:27:24,190 --> 00:27:25,630
they're not your sub, they're not your whatever

756
00:27:25,630 --> 00:27:26,130
whatever.

757
00:27:26,830 --> 00:27:28,750
Would you want to hang out with this

758
00:27:28,750 --> 00:27:29,250
person?

759
00:27:30,190 --> 00:27:31,869
Are you gonna have a good time in

760
00:27:31,869 --> 00:27:32,609
their presence?

761
00:27:33,625 --> 00:27:35,224
And we don't need like, for us, we

762
00:27:35,224 --> 00:27:38,444
don't need outside things. We truly can just

763
00:27:38,744 --> 00:27:40,365
at this point, long term,

764
00:27:40,744 --> 00:27:42,904
we'll just start talking about something random and

765
00:27:42,904 --> 00:27:43,884
one of us

766
00:27:44,664 --> 00:27:47,224
will giggle or crack up. Mhmm. God help

767
00:27:47,224 --> 00:27:49,500
us if the number 69 is involved.

768
00:27:51,079 --> 00:27:53,000
Podcast listeners who might have listened to the

769
00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:54,440
intro. I don't know how many people skipped

770
00:27:54,440 --> 00:27:56,359
the intro. The the intro to the podcast

771
00:27:56,359 --> 00:27:57,659
episode is always

772
00:27:58,599 --> 00:27:59,099
random.

773
00:27:59,559 --> 00:28:00,859
It is always silly.

774
00:28:01,335 --> 00:28:02,615
Not really on purpose, but that's how it

775
00:28:02,615 --> 00:28:03,734
goes. So if you ever skipped it, you

776
00:28:03,734 --> 00:28:05,174
need to go back and listen. But like

777
00:28:05,174 --> 00:28:07,414
this particular episode, the episode number is four

778
00:28:07,414 --> 00:28:10,234
sixty nine. We both fucking cracked up. Because

779
00:28:10,294 --> 00:28:11,755
we're 12. Okay?

780
00:28:13,174 --> 00:28:14,694
And it's more fun that we both crack

781
00:28:14,694 --> 00:28:16,319
up about it. It's more fun that,

782
00:28:17,599 --> 00:28:19,679
we find some of the same things silly

783
00:28:19,679 --> 00:28:21,279
and funny. We don't find all of the

784
00:28:21,279 --> 00:28:23,759
same things silly and funny? Nope. JB will

785
00:28:23,759 --> 00:28:27,039
tell the dumbest pun I've ever fucking heard

786
00:28:27,039 --> 00:28:29,055
in my life. He cracks himself up and

787
00:28:29,055 --> 00:28:29,183
I think that's wonderful. I just have one

788
00:28:29,183 --> 00:28:29,859
eyebrow that just goes up and I'm like,

789
00:28:35,894 --> 00:28:36,714
Spock brow.

790
00:28:37,335 --> 00:28:37,835
Okay.

791
00:28:39,095 --> 00:28:41,095
But I don't yuck his fucking yum either.

792
00:28:41,095 --> 00:28:43,494
I'm just he knows I think personally, you

793
00:28:43,494 --> 00:28:43,995
find it hilarious that I'm looking at you

794
00:28:43,995 --> 00:28:44,555
in total judgment,

795
00:28:45,255 --> 00:28:45,755
personally.

796
00:28:46,490 --> 00:28:47,850
Personally. I think that's part of the, like,

797
00:28:47,850 --> 00:28:50,330
joke you have with yourself. Yeah. Like, how

798
00:28:50,330 --> 00:28:52,410
annoyed can I get her? How stupid can

799
00:28:52,410 --> 00:28:53,150
this be?

800
00:28:53,450 --> 00:28:56,009
Where she just like, her brain explodes. How

801
00:28:56,009 --> 00:28:57,869
quick can we go from zero to 60?

802
00:28:58,570 --> 00:29:00,005
And he tries to say he's not a

803
00:29:00,005 --> 00:29:01,384
ratty daddy. Whatever.

804
00:29:02,325 --> 00:29:04,484
Okay. The next one. This one is for

805
00:29:04,484 --> 00:29:06,964
all successful relationships, but they put it under

806
00:29:06,964 --> 00:29:10,244
friendship, so that's fine. Encourages healthy communication. Friends

807
00:29:10,244 --> 00:29:12,184
tend to communicate openly and honestly

808
00:29:12,549 --> 00:29:14,549
without the fear of damaging the relationship. Let

809
00:29:14,549 --> 00:29:15,369
us be clear.

810
00:29:15,670 --> 00:29:16,570
Good friends,

811
00:29:17,990 --> 00:29:19,450
people who are,

812
00:29:20,309 --> 00:29:22,869
you know, they're actually trying to be your

813
00:29:22,869 --> 00:29:24,009
friend. They're

814
00:29:24,869 --> 00:29:26,765
not the the fakes, not the frenemies,

815
00:29:27,065 --> 00:29:28,984
not the not the people who come into

816
00:29:28,984 --> 00:29:30,345
your life because they need something and then

817
00:29:30,345 --> 00:29:32,025
vanish when you need something. That's not who

818
00:29:32,025 --> 00:29:33,005
we're talking about.

819
00:29:33,545 --> 00:29:36,345
Genuine true friendships that are that go below

820
00:29:36,345 --> 00:29:38,984
surface level, right? Like, I always say it's,

821
00:29:38,984 --> 00:29:39,644
you know,

822
00:29:40,220 --> 00:29:41,660
I know you're my friend and I know

823
00:29:41,660 --> 00:29:43,339
I'm your friend if we can call each

824
00:29:43,339 --> 00:29:44,320
other on our bullshit.

825
00:29:44,779 --> 00:29:47,339
Kindly with love, probably with a lot of

826
00:29:47,339 --> 00:29:47,839
sarcasm,

827
00:29:48,859 --> 00:29:51,200
you f f bombs thrown in, but, like,

828
00:29:51,500 --> 00:29:54,140
tell me I'm a dumbass with love. And

829
00:29:54,140 --> 00:29:57,024
if we have developed that friendship and, you

830
00:29:57,024 --> 00:29:59,345
know, we understand that we're that kind of

831
00:29:59,505 --> 00:30:00,865
then I can accept it. I don't have

832
00:30:00,865 --> 00:30:02,065
to like it. I might tell you to

833
00:30:02,065 --> 00:30:03,744
shut the fuck up, but I'll still love

834
00:30:03,744 --> 00:30:04,944
you at the end now. I don't get

835
00:30:04,944 --> 00:30:06,884
to tell JB to shut the fuck up.

836
00:30:06,944 --> 00:30:08,460
I'm not trying to stand in the corner.

837
00:30:08,859 --> 00:30:11,419
Corner. And that is where power exchange does

838
00:30:11,419 --> 00:30:13,500
change the nature of these things. The right

839
00:30:13,500 --> 00:30:14,000
lines.

840
00:30:14,859 --> 00:30:16,859
We can say anything we need to to

841
00:30:16,859 --> 00:30:18,859
one another. We did not start out that

842
00:30:18,859 --> 00:30:20,460
way. We had to build up to it

843
00:30:20,460 --> 00:30:22,700
like every just like most of the time,

844
00:30:22,700 --> 00:30:23,625
not all the time,

845
00:30:24,105 --> 00:30:25,964
your friends, you don't usually

846
00:30:26,265 --> 00:30:28,184
start out by telling them your whole life

847
00:30:28,184 --> 00:30:30,585
story. I do have one of those faces.

848
00:30:30,585 --> 00:30:32,684
JB has one of those faces. Total strangers

849
00:30:32,825 --> 00:30:34,444
will tell us their whole life story.

850
00:30:35,545 --> 00:30:37,164
I don't know why. I don't know how.

851
00:30:37,464 --> 00:30:39,059
Most of the time, people build up to

852
00:30:39,779 --> 00:30:41,720
that stuff. But in power exchange,

853
00:30:42,259 --> 00:30:44,840
how you call your partner on their bullshit

854
00:30:44,980 --> 00:30:48,120
will probably be determined to buy your power

855
00:30:48,180 --> 00:30:48,680
exchange.

856
00:30:51,059 --> 00:30:52,820
I I can. I have the total freedom

857
00:30:52,820 --> 00:30:54,144
as long as I do it respectfully, to

858
00:30:54,144 --> 00:30:55,664
tell JB if I think he's wrong. That's

859
00:30:55,664 --> 00:30:56,945
true. I don't get to be a brat.

860
00:30:56,945 --> 00:30:58,384
I don't get to throw a tantrum. I'm

861
00:30:58,384 --> 00:31:00,384
not there's no name calling. There's none of

862
00:31:00,384 --> 00:31:00,964
that bullshit.

863
00:31:01,265 --> 00:31:03,105
But if I go there have been times

864
00:31:03,105 --> 00:31:04,464
you've tried to dom me at the time

865
00:31:04,464 --> 00:31:06,144
that Yeah. It was not appropriate. You were

866
00:31:06,144 --> 00:31:06,644
just

867
00:31:06,950 --> 00:31:08,549
heated and you went with it. And I

868
00:31:08,549 --> 00:31:10,250
was able to go, no.

869
00:31:11,430 --> 00:31:12,329
That's not okay.

870
00:31:13,349 --> 00:31:14,170
Just like,

871
00:31:14,789 --> 00:31:16,309
you know, when I think back to some

872
00:31:16,309 --> 00:31:18,869
of my closest friends that I wasn't in

873
00:31:18,869 --> 00:31:20,950
any other kind of relationship with, I could

874
00:31:20,950 --> 00:31:23,315
do something of that same energy with them.

875
00:31:23,575 --> 00:31:27,214
You know? Because the close true, like, deep

876
00:31:27,214 --> 00:31:27,714
friendships

877
00:31:29,134 --> 00:31:31,934
can usually can often survive a little bit

878
00:31:31,934 --> 00:31:32,595
of that,

879
00:31:34,255 --> 00:31:34,755
friction.

880
00:31:35,400 --> 00:31:39,160
Not betrayal level friction, not bullshit level friction,

881
00:31:39,160 --> 00:31:41,240
but, like, I I think you're wrong, and

882
00:31:41,240 --> 00:31:43,320
I think you're causing yourself problems here and

883
00:31:43,320 --> 00:31:44,680
there. You know, I love you and I

884
00:31:44,680 --> 00:31:46,039
support you and I wanna be here, but

885
00:31:46,039 --> 00:31:48,044
also what the fuck are you you doing?

886
00:31:48,044 --> 00:31:50,204
Why do why why do you why does

887
00:31:50,204 --> 00:31:52,224
that keep happening? Right? Those kinds of

888
00:31:52,764 --> 00:31:54,704
it's just, again, in power exchange,

889
00:31:55,484 --> 00:31:58,304
your dynamic will necessitate how those conversations happen.

890
00:31:58,764 --> 00:32:00,384
That's all I'm saying. And I would say

891
00:32:00,444 --> 00:32:02,204
as subs, if if you're like, yeah, my

892
00:32:02,204 --> 00:32:03,940
dom can call me on my bullshit. Okay.

893
00:32:03,940 --> 00:32:05,460
But them calling you on your bullshit should

894
00:32:05,460 --> 00:32:07,380
not make you feel lesser than, should not

895
00:32:07,380 --> 00:32:08,820
make you feel put down, should not make

896
00:32:08,820 --> 00:32:12,259
you feel -Yeah. -bad about yourself. It it

897
00:32:12,259 --> 00:32:14,420
can be brutally honest and it can be

898
00:32:14,420 --> 00:32:16,505
hard to hear brutal honesty

899
00:32:17,765 --> 00:32:19,545
when we are really fucking up ourselves.

900
00:32:20,404 --> 00:32:21,945
But there should still be

901
00:32:22,565 --> 00:32:24,265
kindness and respect and

902
00:32:24,724 --> 00:32:26,085
if this is a type of relationship, you

903
00:32:26,085 --> 00:32:28,829
have love behind it. Right? You should still

904
00:32:28,829 --> 00:32:30,829
know that this person values you as a

905
00:32:30,829 --> 00:32:32,829
human while they are telling you how you

906
00:32:32,829 --> 00:32:34,349
have done fucked up and you need to

907
00:32:34,349 --> 00:32:35,569
fix yourself. Right?

908
00:32:36,029 --> 00:32:36,529
So

909
00:32:37,230 --> 00:32:41,009
Okay. Friendship fosters mutual growth and support. Friends

910
00:32:41,069 --> 00:32:43,710
celebrate each other's successes and provide a steady

911
00:32:43,710 --> 00:32:45,544
hand during setbacks. Setbacks.

912
00:32:46,004 --> 00:32:47,764
I'm sure there are people screaming, but that's

913
00:32:47,764 --> 00:32:50,264
what happens in long term relationships

914
00:32:50,565 --> 00:32:52,484
too. Yeah. That's right. Because you're friends. Yeah.

915
00:32:52,484 --> 00:32:52,984
You're

916
00:32:53,764 --> 00:32:56,004
you're friends. If it's happening in your relationship,

917
00:32:56,004 --> 00:32:57,704
then you've already checked the box that, yeah,

918
00:32:57,764 --> 00:32:58,664
we're we're friends.

919
00:32:58,964 --> 00:33:01,589
Because I think of the besties I've had

920
00:33:01,589 --> 00:33:02,970
in life, of course I celebrated

921
00:33:03,269 --> 00:33:05,750
with them, and I consoled them when things

922
00:33:05,750 --> 00:33:08,070
went to shit. And vice versa, the day

923
00:33:08,070 --> 00:33:08,809
I decided

924
00:33:09,589 --> 00:33:11,509
finally decided I needed to get a divorce,

925
00:33:11,509 --> 00:33:14,075
I was sitting on my my BFF's couch

926
00:33:14,134 --> 00:33:15,734
three hours away from home. I was like,

927
00:33:15,734 --> 00:33:17,255
I gotta go see my bestie for the

928
00:33:17,255 --> 00:33:18,694
weekend because I had to get my head

929
00:33:18,694 --> 00:33:19,974
on straight and clear

930
00:33:20,295 --> 00:33:21,275
clear my mind.

931
00:33:21,734 --> 00:33:22,234
And,

932
00:33:22,535 --> 00:33:24,075
you know, she was there

933
00:33:24,375 --> 00:33:25,015
for me going

934
00:33:25,734 --> 00:33:27,089
the conversation was very roller

935
00:33:28,769 --> 00:33:30,049
like, I don't know. I think I need

936
00:33:30,049 --> 00:33:31,409
to try and make it work all these

937
00:33:31,409 --> 00:33:32,450
years. And I said

938
00:33:32,849 --> 00:33:34,529
I made a vow. Blah blah blah blah

939
00:33:34,529 --> 00:33:36,769
blah blah. And then I talked my way

940
00:33:36,769 --> 00:33:38,210
through all and then by the end I

941
00:33:38,210 --> 00:33:39,890
was crying but I was like, I can't

942
00:33:39,890 --> 00:33:41,444
do this anymore. And she went,

943
00:33:42,325 --> 00:33:44,244
I'm here for you. Whatever you need. And

944
00:33:44,244 --> 00:33:46,964
then later she was like, the whole everybody

945
00:33:46,964 --> 00:33:48,565
you know has been waiting for you to

946
00:33:48,565 --> 00:33:51,224
get here. We're so happy you're here now.

947
00:33:51,444 --> 00:33:53,524
Oh my god. And I promise you JB

948
00:33:53,524 --> 00:33:54,585
and I have those

949
00:33:54,900 --> 00:33:56,920
types of conversations. Right?

950
00:33:57,779 --> 00:33:58,759
A family member

951
00:33:59,059 --> 00:33:59,559
is

952
00:34:00,420 --> 00:34:01,140
messing with us.

953
00:34:02,099 --> 00:34:04,019
A a business thing or a personal goal

954
00:34:04,019 --> 00:34:05,619
is not going the way we want, or

955
00:34:05,619 --> 00:34:07,779
it is and we're celebrating. JB celebrates me

956
00:34:07,779 --> 00:34:09,140
better than I celebrate me. I don't know

957
00:34:09,140 --> 00:34:09,880
how to celebrate

958
00:34:10,425 --> 00:34:11,785
me. I'm like, okay. I got that done.

959
00:34:11,785 --> 00:34:13,144
On to the next. And JB's like, no.

960
00:34:13,144 --> 00:34:14,344
No. No. No. No. No. Like, you just

961
00:34:14,344 --> 00:34:15,704
built a website. I think we can take

962
00:34:15,704 --> 00:34:16,905
a minute and go, look at you. You

963
00:34:16,905 --> 00:34:18,824
built a website. I'm like, no. No. No.

964
00:34:18,824 --> 00:34:20,525
Just move on to the next one.

965
00:34:21,864 --> 00:34:24,980
Oh, come on. Sheesh. And yet likewise, I'm

966
00:34:24,980 --> 00:34:27,619
gonna be JB's biggest fucking cheerleader because I

967
00:34:27,619 --> 00:34:29,859
am genuinely proud of him when he gets

968
00:34:29,859 --> 00:34:30,359
shit

969
00:34:30,739 --> 00:34:32,019
done that he wants to do or he

970
00:34:32,019 --> 00:34:33,619
accomplishes something he didn't think he could do

971
00:34:33,619 --> 00:34:34,760
or God

972
00:34:35,059 --> 00:34:36,739
damn it when he doesn't believe in himself

973
00:34:36,739 --> 00:34:38,394
as much as I believe in him. I

974
00:34:38,394 --> 00:34:40,555
get very annoyed at him during this. You

975
00:34:40,555 --> 00:34:42,494
do. You do. She does.

976
00:34:42,795 --> 00:34:44,175
She does. She does.

977
00:34:44,715 --> 00:34:45,934
Okay. And then friendship,

978
00:34:46,394 --> 00:34:47,695
within a long term relationship

979
00:34:48,075 --> 00:34:50,394
provides a sense of security. At its core,

980
00:34:50,394 --> 00:34:52,735
friendship is about being there for one another.

981
00:34:52,875 --> 00:34:55,010
Yeah. And I think a lot of these

982
00:34:55,010 --> 00:34:55,510
previous

983
00:34:55,969 --> 00:34:57,809
things in this list kind of sum that

984
00:34:57,809 --> 00:34:59,590
up. And in power exchange,

985
00:35:00,609 --> 00:35:02,769
if we're talking about long term relationships or

986
00:35:02,769 --> 00:35:04,469
you're trying to build something

987
00:35:05,650 --> 00:35:07,329
into the future with one another and I

988
00:35:07,329 --> 00:35:09,414
don't I'm not gonna automatically always say marriage.

989
00:35:09,414 --> 00:35:11,335
Not everybody wants to get married even if

990
00:35:11,335 --> 00:35:13,094
you live like you're married. Right? Like, there's

991
00:35:13,094 --> 00:35:15,175
all these ways that your power exchange can

992
00:35:15,175 --> 00:35:16,394
be configured. Mhmm.

993
00:35:17,815 --> 00:35:18,954
But, you know,

994
00:35:20,789 --> 00:35:22,550
at the end of the day, I really

995
00:35:22,550 --> 00:35:24,070
think to a certain extent that's what a

996
00:35:24,070 --> 00:35:25,530
power exchange is anyway.

997
00:35:26,309 --> 00:35:29,930
The parameters of being there for each other

998
00:35:29,989 --> 00:35:32,710
are very unique to the dynamic. Right? You

999
00:35:32,710 --> 00:35:35,255
know, the dom is going to control or

1000
00:35:35,255 --> 00:35:37,095
lead or be in charge or have some

1001
00:35:37,095 --> 00:35:38,075
level of power,

1002
00:35:39,095 --> 00:35:40,855
both because they want it and enjoy it,

1003
00:35:40,855 --> 00:35:43,655
but also because that's what the submissive wants

1004
00:35:43,655 --> 00:35:46,135
from them as well. And maybe they're guiding

1005
00:35:46,135 --> 00:35:48,210
their submissive to, you know,

1006
00:35:48,769 --> 00:35:50,849
be the version of themselves they're trying to

1007
00:35:50,849 --> 00:35:53,730
get to. Maybe the submissive is serving in

1008
00:35:53,730 --> 00:35:56,469
order to help and and, you know,

1009
00:35:57,170 --> 00:35:59,650
support their dominant and it's very much in

1010
00:35:59,650 --> 00:36:01,429
line with the power exchange. Well,

1011
00:36:02,050 --> 00:36:02,449
if you

1012
00:36:03,914 --> 00:36:04,815
I know everybody

1013
00:36:05,594 --> 00:36:07,515
thinks about these things differently and and looks

1014
00:36:07,515 --> 00:36:09,835
at these things differently, but quite frankly I

1015
00:36:09,835 --> 00:36:11,614
don't see how you can

1016
00:36:11,914 --> 00:36:13,914
be there for each other as dom sup

1017
00:36:13,914 --> 00:36:14,815
if you don't

1018
00:36:15,195 --> 00:36:17,434
and that level of support if you don't

1019
00:36:17,434 --> 00:36:17,934
also

1020
00:36:18,250 --> 00:36:19,930
want to support them as the human being

1021
00:36:19,930 --> 00:36:22,010
they are because that's a facet of your

1022
00:36:22,010 --> 00:36:25,289
humanity, your dominance, your subness, your switchiness, whatever

1023
00:36:25,289 --> 00:36:25,789
whatever.

1024
00:36:27,210 --> 00:36:27,710
So

1025
00:36:28,329 --> 00:36:30,250
I know it's done, but I cannot for

1026
00:36:30,250 --> 00:36:32,650
myself ever imagine doing that with somebody that

1027
00:36:32,650 --> 00:36:34,235
I don't don't again, let me go back

1028
00:36:34,235 --> 00:36:36,394
to what I keep saying. Like as a

1029
00:36:36,394 --> 00:36:37,614
human being first.

1030
00:36:39,275 --> 00:36:41,195
Like, if I don't wanna have lunch with

1031
00:36:41,195 --> 00:36:41,695
you,

1032
00:36:41,994 --> 00:36:44,155
I don't want to take my clothes off

1033
00:36:44,155 --> 00:36:46,875
for you. I know not everybody feels that

1034
00:36:46,875 --> 00:36:49,609
way. But when I'm thinking long term,

1035
00:36:49,989 --> 00:36:51,589
yeah. At the at minimum, I should be

1036
00:36:51,589 --> 00:36:53,429
able to sit down at a restaurant and

1037
00:36:53,429 --> 00:36:55,349
eat with you and enjoy being in your

1038
00:36:55,349 --> 00:36:57,510
presence before we can do all this power

1039
00:36:57,510 --> 00:36:58,489
exchange stuff.

1040
00:37:00,389 --> 00:37:01,609
Yeah. Okay. Now

1041
00:37:03,065 --> 00:37:05,065
that's what you like, that's what friendship does

1042
00:37:05,065 --> 00:37:06,825
for your relationship. And I think most of

1043
00:37:06,825 --> 00:37:08,925
that stuff sounds like this is what

1044
00:37:09,385 --> 00:37:12,184
a healthy relationship looks like. We're just calling

1045
00:37:12,184 --> 00:37:12,845
it friendship

1046
00:37:13,385 --> 00:37:15,144
because they're both the same. I think the

1047
00:37:15,144 --> 00:37:16,285
healthiest relationships

1048
00:37:16,744 --> 00:37:18,045
are based on friendship

1049
00:37:18,549 --> 00:37:20,469
on some level. Right? That doesn't mean you

1050
00:37:20,469 --> 00:37:21,829
don't have other friends. It doesn't mean you

1051
00:37:21,829 --> 00:37:23,829
don't have besties that you go, like, let

1052
00:37:23,829 --> 00:37:26,230
me vent off the stuff that maybe I

1053
00:37:26,230 --> 00:37:27,829
don't I'm not talking to my dom about

1054
00:37:27,829 --> 00:37:29,269
or I'm talking to myself about or whatever.

1055
00:37:29,269 --> 00:37:30,010
That's fine.

1056
00:37:30,789 --> 00:37:33,029
But yeah. There's still a core base of

1057
00:37:33,029 --> 00:37:33,529
friendship.

1058
00:37:33,829 --> 00:37:36,065
Now how to strengthen your friendship?

1059
00:37:36,844 --> 00:37:38,864
Because and this is where

1060
00:37:40,364 --> 00:37:40,864
I

1061
00:37:41,485 --> 00:37:41,985
know

1062
00:37:43,244 --> 00:37:45,184
that without the strong friendship,

1063
00:37:45,804 --> 00:37:48,045
the past six years would have been worse

1064
00:37:48,045 --> 00:37:50,359
than they were. Yeah. Oh, yes. Absolutely.

1065
00:37:51,139 --> 00:37:52,279
The past six years,

1066
00:37:52,659 --> 00:37:54,659
we have complained about them for the past

1067
00:37:54,659 --> 00:37:57,460
six years. They were very, very hard, both

1068
00:37:57,460 --> 00:37:59,539
in the stuff we did share and then

1069
00:37:59,539 --> 00:38:01,639
in the stuff we didn't share. Right.

1070
00:38:02,500 --> 00:38:05,184
I'm pretty sure folks think that because I'm

1071
00:38:05,184 --> 00:38:05,844
an oversharer

1072
00:38:06,464 --> 00:38:08,625
that we tell you everything. We do not.

1073
00:38:08,625 --> 00:38:10,144
No. There are many things we keep to

1074
00:38:10,144 --> 00:38:12,065
ourselves. Mhmm. But then still have to come,

1075
00:38:12,065 --> 00:38:13,824
like, to the microphone and the Internet and

1076
00:38:13,824 --> 00:38:15,984
go, hi. We're here. Let's do this thing.

1077
00:38:15,984 --> 00:38:16,644
And so

1078
00:38:17,409 --> 00:38:19,349
it's been tough. Right? Mhmm.

1079
00:38:20,050 --> 00:38:22,929
The thing I think I think is accurate,

1080
00:38:22,929 --> 00:38:24,230
even with my poor memory,

1081
00:38:24,610 --> 00:38:26,389
is at no point in

1082
00:38:26,769 --> 00:38:28,710
that the difficult times

1083
00:38:29,170 --> 00:38:31,704
did we not want to be together. Correct.

1084
00:38:31,704 --> 00:38:34,264
The the relationship was never the thing that

1085
00:38:34,264 --> 00:38:35,005
was difficult.

1086
00:38:35,784 --> 00:38:37,644
I think it saved us.

1087
00:38:38,744 --> 00:38:40,925
I think it saved us. I think

1088
00:38:41,464 --> 00:38:43,565
that if we were not best friends,

1089
00:38:44,820 --> 00:38:47,300
nothing else could have survived because, as we've

1090
00:38:47,300 --> 00:38:49,059
talked about in the past, our power exchange

1091
00:38:49,059 --> 00:38:50,200
went on autopilot,

1092
00:38:50,579 --> 00:38:51,960
and it was bare

1093
00:38:52,420 --> 00:38:52,920
minimum.

1094
00:38:53,619 --> 00:38:54,599
It was like

1095
00:38:55,219 --> 00:38:57,160
what is that? And all of those, like,

1096
00:38:57,539 --> 00:38:59,320
outer space shows where

1097
00:38:59,644 --> 00:39:02,284
the spaceship goes down to, like, bare minimum

1098
00:39:02,284 --> 00:39:04,625
power to just, like, keep the oxygen on?

1099
00:39:04,764 --> 00:39:07,324
And then, like, it's you're not even moving

1100
00:39:07,324 --> 00:39:09,585
through space other than that the infiniteness

1101
00:39:09,964 --> 00:39:12,519
of space is moving you along, like, around

1102
00:39:12,519 --> 00:39:14,760
that. But, like, you're not going anywhere, but

1103
00:39:14,760 --> 00:39:16,920
the oxygen is still working and you're not

1104
00:39:16,920 --> 00:39:19,239
dead yet. Right? Like, that power level. That

1105
00:39:19,239 --> 00:39:21,319
is what our power exchange was on. And

1106
00:39:21,319 --> 00:39:22,859
if we didn't have a podcast

1107
00:39:23,239 --> 00:39:25,835
about power exchange, it might not have even

1108
00:39:25,835 --> 00:39:27,214
been on that. Okay?

1109
00:39:28,394 --> 00:39:29,835
If you would like to keep a power

1110
00:39:29,835 --> 00:39:32,155
exchange going through the hardest times, I I

1111
00:39:32,155 --> 00:39:34,954
recommend starting a podcast where your whole job

1112
00:39:34,954 --> 00:39:37,054
is to talk about power exchange.

1113
00:39:37,355 --> 00:39:38,014
It helps.

1114
00:39:40,039 --> 00:39:41,800
Because there was a lot coming at us

1115
00:39:41,800 --> 00:39:42,780
from the outside

1116
00:39:43,400 --> 00:39:45,239
that we did not control. We just had

1117
00:39:45,239 --> 00:39:47,000
to react to shit. We couldn't get ahead

1118
00:39:47,000 --> 00:39:48,199
of any of it. We were just like,

1119
00:39:48,199 --> 00:39:49,960
oh, there's another thing and another thing. -And

1120
00:39:49,960 --> 00:39:52,780
now look, there's another. -And yet at night

1121
00:39:53,414 --> 00:39:55,335
when we could finally just like, okay, we

1122
00:39:55,335 --> 00:39:56,695
can put this day down, we should be

1123
00:39:56,695 --> 00:39:59,035
done, we could still giggle with one another.

1124
00:39:59,414 --> 00:40:01,195
We snapped at one another more.

1125
00:40:01,494 --> 00:40:03,835
There were more hurt feelings than usual.

1126
00:40:04,535 --> 00:40:06,855
But always always always we could talk about

1127
00:40:06,855 --> 00:40:08,909
a hard thing together. We could laugh together.

1128
00:40:09,050 --> 00:40:11,530
We would support each other because even in

1129
00:40:11,530 --> 00:40:13,210
hard times, life is still happening. So you're

1130
00:40:13,210 --> 00:40:15,389
still doing shit and having good stuff happen.

1131
00:40:15,530 --> 00:40:17,449
It's just being outweighed by everything else. And

1132
00:40:17,449 --> 00:40:19,630
so we were still celebrating each other's successes.

1133
00:40:20,889 --> 00:40:22,750
Because that's my best friend,

1134
00:40:24,244 --> 00:40:27,125
who is also my daddy dom. So if

1135
00:40:27,125 --> 00:40:30,085
you're like, okay. Maybe that's a that's part

1136
00:40:30,085 --> 00:40:32,005
of the reason I've been struggling in my

1137
00:40:32,005 --> 00:40:34,565
relationship because our friendship is not as strong

1138
00:40:34,565 --> 00:40:37,844
as it could be. Here are some ideas.

1139
00:40:37,844 --> 00:40:39,329
These are not all of them, they're just

1140
00:40:39,329 --> 00:40:41,650
from the resources I came across. But how

1141
00:40:41,650 --> 00:40:43,030
to strengthen your friendship.

1142
00:40:44,050 --> 00:40:46,289
Be curious about each other and learn about

1143
00:40:46,289 --> 00:40:46,950
each other.

1144
00:40:47,809 --> 00:40:50,050
That's a lot of asking open ended questions

1145
00:40:50,050 --> 00:40:51,635
or saying things like, tell me more about

1146
00:40:51,775 --> 00:40:54,175
blah blah blah. Right? The how was your

1147
00:40:54,175 --> 00:40:54,675
day

1148
00:40:55,695 --> 00:40:57,155
is a tried and true.

1149
00:40:58,494 --> 00:41:00,894
If you are like me and have a

1150
00:41:00,894 --> 00:41:03,554
partner who will give you one word answers

1151
00:41:03,855 --> 00:41:04,994
that are not helpful,

1152
00:41:05,730 --> 00:41:07,750
Your job is to get better at asking

1153
00:41:07,809 --> 00:41:10,369
even more questions. To the point where you

1154
00:41:10,369 --> 00:41:12,070
might sound a little invasive.

1155
00:41:13,809 --> 00:41:15,090
Because I'd be like, how was it out

1156
00:41:15,090 --> 00:41:16,630
in the shop today? It was good.

1157
00:41:16,929 --> 00:41:18,469
Okay. I'm gonna need more than that.

1158
00:41:19,085 --> 00:41:20,844
What did you work on today? Oh, I

1159
00:41:20,844 --> 00:41:22,364
worked on this. Okay. Well, how did that

1160
00:41:22,444 --> 00:41:22,944
like,

1161
00:41:23,724 --> 00:41:25,565
I know this man feels like he's being

1162
00:41:25,565 --> 00:41:26,065
interrogated.

1163
00:41:26,444 --> 00:41:27,644
But it's because he is

1164
00:41:28,364 --> 00:41:30,364
I am the wordy one. You can ask

1165
00:41:30,364 --> 00:41:32,099
me if I'm in the right mood. A

1166
00:41:32,099 --> 00:41:34,420
basic question. You'll get way more information than

1167
00:41:34,420 --> 00:41:36,739
you were actually looking for. I have to

1168
00:41:36,739 --> 00:41:38,660
give you all the context and all the

1169
00:41:38,660 --> 00:41:40,180
trains of thought and how I got here

1170
00:41:40,180 --> 00:41:42,099
and what this means for tomorrow and you'll

1171
00:41:42,099 --> 00:41:43,220
know more than you wanna know but you

1172
00:41:43,220 --> 00:41:45,320
know what? You'll know about me. This man

1173
00:41:46,260 --> 00:41:48,494
gives fine as an answer. That's not an

1174
00:41:48,494 --> 00:41:50,335
answer that tells me nothing. Now I have

1175
00:41:50,335 --> 00:41:50,835
questions.

1176
00:41:51,934 --> 00:41:54,014
But he lets me ask those questions. He

1177
00:41:54,014 --> 00:41:55,614
does not shut me down. So if you

1178
00:41:55,614 --> 00:41:56,974
were that type of person where you're like,

1179
00:41:56,974 --> 00:41:58,734
I don't know how to tell and you've

1180
00:41:58,734 --> 00:42:00,094
got a partner who's like, well I'll ask

1181
00:42:00,094 --> 00:42:00,594
questions.

1182
00:42:01,489 --> 00:42:02,309
As long as,

1183
00:42:02,609 --> 00:42:04,609
like, it's not like a problematic thing. Let

1184
00:42:04,609 --> 00:42:06,690
them ask their questions. Let them draw you

1185
00:42:06,690 --> 00:42:09,030
out. But it's not all about

1186
00:42:09,409 --> 00:42:11,510
the questions and the talking. Mhmm.

1187
00:42:12,049 --> 00:42:12,549
Because

1188
00:42:14,049 --> 00:42:15,829
a lot of times it's about observing.

1189
00:42:16,394 --> 00:42:18,815
Oh. For sure. Right? For sure. For sure.

1190
00:42:19,355 --> 00:42:21,275
That's how I find the best way to

1191
00:42:21,275 --> 00:42:22,414
get this one gifts.

1192
00:42:23,275 --> 00:42:25,515
You do pay attention. Because I pay attention

1193
00:42:25,515 --> 00:42:27,914
to when we're out shopping and think of

1194
00:42:27,914 --> 00:42:28,414
you.

1195
00:42:28,969 --> 00:42:29,710
Excuse me.

1196
00:42:30,170 --> 00:42:31,529
What words are hard for you? I had

1197
00:42:31,529 --> 00:42:32,750
a hiccup there or something.

1198
00:42:34,250 --> 00:42:36,089
But, you know, I pay attention when we're

1199
00:42:36,089 --> 00:42:38,029
out shopping to the things that she

1200
00:42:38,409 --> 00:42:41,049
is attracted to, that she likes. Mhmm. But

1201
00:42:41,049 --> 00:42:43,210
you're all you also just pay attention to

1202
00:42:43,210 --> 00:42:44,625
me in general. You

1203
00:42:45,105 --> 00:42:46,945
to to the extent that our poor, poor

1204
00:42:46,945 --> 00:42:48,644
old people memories will allow.

1205
00:42:48,945 --> 00:42:50,864
You remember shit that I've said. You remember

1206
00:42:50,864 --> 00:42:51,364
conversations.

1207
00:42:52,224 --> 00:42:54,864
Mhmm. You will remember that I mentioned two

1208
00:42:54,864 --> 00:42:56,625
weeks ago that I might wanna watch this

1209
00:42:56,625 --> 00:42:58,545
movie, and I will have forgotten we've had

1210
00:42:58,545 --> 00:43:00,929
the conversation but this man's like hey, you

1211
00:43:00,929 --> 00:43:02,130
wanted to watch this movie, why don't we

1212
00:43:02,130 --> 00:43:04,289
do that tonight? Right? Because he's paying attention

1213
00:43:04,289 --> 00:43:06,309
to me and I did not know

1214
00:43:08,050 --> 00:43:09,890
how much I needed that until I finally

1215
00:43:09,890 --> 00:43:11,489
had that. I'd been in all kinds of

1216
00:43:11,489 --> 00:43:12,974
relationships, I'd been in all kinds of friendships

1217
00:43:13,055 --> 00:43:16,015
where I am a very observant partner and

1218
00:43:16,015 --> 00:43:16,515
friend.

1219
00:43:17,055 --> 00:43:18,655
If, you know, if I like you well

1220
00:43:18,655 --> 00:43:20,175
enough to be that fucking close to you,

1221
00:43:20,175 --> 00:43:21,155
I'm paying attention.

1222
00:43:22,175 --> 00:43:24,275
And I had never really had it reciprocated.

1223
00:43:24,655 --> 00:43:26,735
If I wanted something, my job was to

1224
00:43:26,735 --> 00:43:28,195
say very explicitly

1225
00:43:28,820 --> 00:43:30,179
this is what I want, this is what

1226
00:43:30,179 --> 00:43:31,780
I need, and I wasn't good at that.

1227
00:43:31,780 --> 00:43:33,800
Now some people are not

1228
00:43:34,500 --> 00:43:37,539
good natural observers of each other. Mhmm. I

1229
00:43:37,539 --> 00:43:39,539
think if you are in any flavor of

1230
00:43:39,539 --> 00:43:42,074
relationship that you want to make a long

1231
00:43:42,074 --> 00:43:43,914
term relationship, you want this to be last,

1232
00:43:43,914 --> 00:43:45,434
I think you train yourself how to be

1233
00:43:45,434 --> 00:43:48,014
a good observer. The examples I've seen online

1234
00:43:48,155 --> 00:43:49,594
that I don't do because I will then

1235
00:43:49,594 --> 00:43:51,434
forget I ever did it, but some people

1236
00:43:51,434 --> 00:43:53,514
do and really works for them, is when

1237
00:43:53,514 --> 00:43:55,755
their partner says I like a thing, this

1238
00:43:55,755 --> 00:43:57,380
is what I liked, or they they notice

1239
00:43:57,440 --> 00:43:59,279
every time you go to this restaurant, that's

1240
00:43:59,279 --> 00:44:00,799
what they order, this is the kind of

1241
00:44:00,799 --> 00:44:02,559
food they like, this is the color They

1242
00:44:02,559 --> 00:44:04,799
literally have a note in their notes app

1243
00:44:04,799 --> 00:44:06,799
on their phone and they just track the

1244
00:44:06,799 --> 00:44:07,699
fucking information.

1245
00:44:08,000 --> 00:44:09,534
I saw one person who was like every

1246
00:44:09,534 --> 00:44:11,295
time my partner says, oh, I'd like to

1247
00:44:11,295 --> 00:44:12,994
buy myself that,' and then they don't,

1248
00:44:13,454 --> 00:44:15,454
they make a note of it in, like,

1249
00:44:15,454 --> 00:44:17,054
a thing so that they don't have to

1250
00:44:17,054 --> 00:44:19,775
try and remember their observations. They have a

1251
00:44:19,775 --> 00:44:21,635
thing to go back to,

1252
00:44:21,934 --> 00:44:23,820
noting that they made the observation in real

1253
00:44:23,820 --> 00:44:25,099
time and now it doesn't have to clog

1254
00:44:25,099 --> 00:44:26,300
up their brain, they don't have to try

1255
00:44:26,300 --> 00:44:27,980
and remember it, but it's there for them

1256
00:44:27,980 --> 00:44:30,380
when they need it for the occasion, whatever

1257
00:44:30,380 --> 00:44:31,280
the occasion is.

1258
00:44:31,579 --> 00:44:33,739
Cheering their partner up, having something to do,

1259
00:44:33,739 --> 00:44:36,160
planning a date night, like whatever whatever whatever.

1260
00:44:36,460 --> 00:44:39,215
In kink terms and power exchange terms, your

1261
00:44:39,434 --> 00:44:42,394
your note, your list of observations might not

1262
00:44:42,394 --> 00:44:44,954
be specific to she really likes lime in

1263
00:44:44,954 --> 00:44:46,875
her diet coke and her favorite color is

1264
00:44:46,875 --> 00:44:48,414
purple. It might be

1265
00:44:48,954 --> 00:44:51,835
they like when I hit with this toy

1266
00:44:51,835 --> 00:44:52,815
in this way

1267
00:44:53,329 --> 00:44:55,489
at this speed. They real this this is

1268
00:44:55,489 --> 00:44:58,210
the reaction I got. Right? You're not relying

1269
00:44:58,210 --> 00:45:00,530
on a faulty memory. You're observing it in

1270
00:45:00,530 --> 00:45:02,449
the moment and finding time to jot it

1271
00:45:02,449 --> 00:45:03,110
down somewhere.

1272
00:45:03,650 --> 00:45:05,889
They really like when I use that toy.

1273
00:45:05,889 --> 00:45:07,989
They really like when we did this scene.

1274
00:45:08,594 --> 00:45:10,594
Right? You are observing them and you are

1275
00:45:10,594 --> 00:45:12,594
taking note so that you can use that

1276
00:45:12,594 --> 00:45:13,094
information

1277
00:45:13,554 --> 00:45:14,054
later.

1278
00:45:15,234 --> 00:45:17,234
Can't speak for everybody? I'm not gonna try.

1279
00:45:17,234 --> 00:45:19,474
But when JB remembers shit that I can't

1280
00:45:19,474 --> 00:45:21,630
even remember for myself or I have disregarded

1281
00:45:21,769 --> 00:45:23,849
for myself, I'm like, I liked it, but

1282
00:45:23,849 --> 00:45:26,730
whatever whatever, moved on to other things, I

1283
00:45:26,730 --> 00:45:28,489
I not only feel seen, I feel very

1284
00:45:28,489 --> 00:45:30,329
special. That is a time when I feel

1285
00:45:30,329 --> 00:45:31,849
very loved because I'm like, oh my god,

1286
00:45:31,849 --> 00:45:32,909
he cared enough

1287
00:45:33,369 --> 00:45:36,275
to fucking remember it. Well, just like around

1288
00:45:36,275 --> 00:45:36,855
the holidays,

1289
00:45:38,034 --> 00:45:40,514
guaguas had the, lime Diet Coke o'clock. Diet

1290
00:45:40,514 --> 00:45:41,014
Coke.

1291
00:45:41,635 --> 00:45:43,074
And you were just all over that shit.

1292
00:45:43,074 --> 00:45:44,194
I was like, we're going to Guaguas. Every

1293
00:45:44,194 --> 00:45:45,234
time I gotta go somewhere, it's Guaguas. I

1294
00:45:45,234 --> 00:45:46,914
wanna go to Guaguas. Now never mind I

1295
00:45:46,914 --> 00:45:48,949
can get cheaper drinks elsewhere. I could not

1296
00:45:48,949 --> 00:45:51,269
get Diet Coke alone anywhere else. So,

1297
00:45:51,829 --> 00:45:53,109
you know, she was hoping that it was

1298
00:45:53,109 --> 00:45:54,650
something that was gonna stick around,

1299
00:45:55,269 --> 00:45:56,650
and it didn't. I saw it.

1300
00:45:57,510 --> 00:45:59,349
And, next time we went to the grocery

1301
00:45:59,349 --> 00:46:00,809
store, I bought a thing of

1302
00:46:02,034 --> 00:46:03,554
lime juice for you. I know. I've been

1303
00:46:03,554 --> 00:46:05,074
putting it in my diet coke ever since.

1304
00:46:05,074 --> 00:46:06,434
I'll be very sad when it's gone because

1305
00:46:06,434 --> 00:46:07,954
will I remember to get myself lime juice?

1306
00:46:07,954 --> 00:46:09,954
No. I will not. I'm okay if my

1307
00:46:09,954 --> 00:46:11,715
daddy dom who takes care of me keeps

1308
00:46:11,715 --> 00:46:13,074
me in lime juice though. That is a

1309
00:46:13,074 --> 00:46:15,414
nice power exchange y kind of thing.

1310
00:46:15,795 --> 00:46:17,315
I don't have to remember and I don't

1311
00:46:17,315 --> 00:46:18,659
have have to take care of myself because

1312
00:46:18,659 --> 00:46:20,659
we have the dynamic that as long as

1313
00:46:20,659 --> 00:46:23,539
he's thinking about it and deems it important

1314
00:46:23,539 --> 00:46:26,019
enough, he will keep making it happen. And

1315
00:46:26,019 --> 00:46:28,179
I get to feel very special and also

1316
00:46:28,179 --> 00:46:29,380
relieved that I don't have to try and

1317
00:46:29,380 --> 00:46:29,880
remember

1318
00:46:30,474 --> 00:46:31,755
And I have this thing that I really

1319
00:46:31,755 --> 00:46:32,255
like.

1320
00:46:32,635 --> 00:46:34,635
The next one is do things you both

1321
00:46:34,635 --> 00:46:35,534
enjoy together.

1322
00:46:35,835 --> 00:46:37,594
Mhmm. You have already knocked this out of

1323
00:46:37,594 --> 00:46:40,074
the park in mutual kinks. I don't think

1324
00:46:40,074 --> 00:46:42,394
that's where you stop, but I think that's

1325
00:46:42,394 --> 00:46:44,460
a good starting point. If you're like, we

1326
00:46:44,460 --> 00:46:46,139
don't like any of the same things. Honey,

1327
00:46:46,139 --> 00:46:48,139
you're in a power exchange. You clearly like

1328
00:46:48,139 --> 00:46:49,599
some of the same things.

1329
00:46:51,019 --> 00:46:52,780
And I think if you wanna focus on

1330
00:46:52,780 --> 00:46:55,019
your kink, one way to do more together

1331
00:46:55,019 --> 00:46:56,880
is to maybe explore mutual

1332
00:46:57,434 --> 00:47:00,335
kinks. Like kinks you're both interested in. Right?

1333
00:47:00,795 --> 00:47:02,795
That's one way to to keep it within

1334
00:47:02,795 --> 00:47:05,195
your power exchange. But y'all get outside the

1335
00:47:05,195 --> 00:47:06,875
power exchange. If the only thing you have

1336
00:47:06,875 --> 00:47:10,015
in common is power exchange and nothing else,

1337
00:47:10,579 --> 00:47:12,260
that's not necessarily a bad thing, but it

1338
00:47:12,260 --> 00:47:14,179
is a place where you can create extra

1339
00:47:14,179 --> 00:47:14,679
connection.

1340
00:47:15,139 --> 00:47:17,139
What would you what would you both like

1341
00:47:17,139 --> 00:47:18,280
to do outside of that?

1342
00:47:18,659 --> 00:47:21,380
Sometimes it's movies. Sometimes it's games. It's puzzles.

1343
00:47:21,380 --> 00:47:23,940
It's going certain places. Sometimes it's learning something

1344
00:47:23,940 --> 00:47:24,599
new together.

1345
00:47:24,980 --> 00:47:26,804
It's going. What do we do together? Doing

1346
00:47:26,804 --> 00:47:27,784
antiquing, thrifting.

1347
00:47:28,164 --> 00:47:29,684
You know, I would I would not do

1348
00:47:29,684 --> 00:47:31,925
that without you. And I prior to you

1349
00:47:31,925 --> 00:47:33,364
getting me to go, I was like, that's

1350
00:47:33,364 --> 00:47:35,704
not my thing. And then the first time,

1351
00:47:35,764 --> 00:47:37,204
I was like, I am looking for this

1352
00:47:37,204 --> 00:47:38,885
obscure thing. I probably won't find it. And

1353
00:47:38,885 --> 00:47:40,340
then I found it. I was like, okay.

1354
00:47:40,340 --> 00:47:42,099
I guess I guess we're doing this. Mhmm.

1355
00:47:42,099 --> 00:47:43,539
I guess we're doing this. Now I don't

1356
00:47:43,539 --> 00:47:45,079
like it as much as you do,

1357
00:47:45,619 --> 00:47:48,039
but because I don't dislike it

1358
00:47:48,739 --> 00:47:50,980
and we are each really bad at at

1359
00:47:50,980 --> 00:47:52,739
remembering, oh, we should go do things we

1360
00:47:52,739 --> 00:47:54,894
like. I will suggest it because I know

1361
00:47:54,894 --> 00:47:56,734
he likes like, I'm willing to do it.

1362
00:47:56,734 --> 00:47:57,934
It's not my favorite thing, but I'll do

1363
00:47:57,934 --> 00:47:58,974
it with him and I enjoy doing it

1364
00:47:58,974 --> 00:48:00,655
with him. We haven't gone in a while.

1365
00:48:00,655 --> 00:48:02,014
Hey. What do you think if we do

1366
00:48:02,014 --> 00:48:05,074
that this weekend? Mhmm. JB also likewise has

1367
00:48:05,214 --> 00:48:06,969
to has to wait for, is it a

1368
00:48:06,969 --> 00:48:09,769
time I can handle the sights, the smells,

1369
00:48:09,769 --> 00:48:11,070
the people, the

1370
00:48:11,930 --> 00:48:13,869
the feeling closed in? And so

1371
00:48:14,890 --> 00:48:15,390
thankfully,

1372
00:48:16,170 --> 00:48:18,090
he is kind enough to kind of let

1373
00:48:18,090 --> 00:48:20,090
me indicate, hey. I can do that. Or

1374
00:48:20,090 --> 00:48:21,664
if he asks, would you like to go

1375
00:48:21,664 --> 00:48:23,344
do this this weekend? I don't feel like

1376
00:48:23,344 --> 00:48:25,824
I'm letting him down when I'm like, nope.

1377
00:48:25,824 --> 00:48:28,565
I can't handle that, you know, this week.

1378
00:48:28,625 --> 00:48:30,464
Let's try another time. So what I try

1379
00:48:30,464 --> 00:48:32,224
to do, because it's a thing he likes

1380
00:48:32,224 --> 00:48:33,984
that I'm happy to do with him, is

1381
00:48:33,984 --> 00:48:35,710
when I know I can handle it or

1382
00:48:35,710 --> 00:48:37,630
I can at least plan enough in advance

1383
00:48:37,630 --> 00:48:39,630
that no matter what I can handle it,

1384
00:48:39,630 --> 00:48:42,610
I will suggest it so that he knows

1385
00:48:43,550 --> 00:48:45,230
that I'm I'm willing to do it. I'm

1386
00:48:45,230 --> 00:48:47,710
I'm mentioning it because, yes, let's let's go

1387
00:48:47,710 --> 00:48:48,829
do it together. You don't have to worry

1388
00:48:48,829 --> 00:48:50,750
that I'm gonna, like, not want to go

1389
00:48:50,750 --> 00:48:51,410
or whatever.

1390
00:48:52,635 --> 00:48:54,394
What other things do we both enjoy that

1391
00:48:54,394 --> 00:48:56,635
are not kink related or business related that

1392
00:48:56,635 --> 00:48:57,614
can't be

1393
00:49:00,074 --> 00:49:01,454
it can't be those things.

1394
00:49:02,715 --> 00:49:04,949
I know. We like to watch certain shows

1395
00:49:04,949 --> 00:49:06,949
movies. We do. We we do watch a

1396
00:49:06,949 --> 00:49:08,230
a number of shows. Mhmm.

1397
00:49:08,949 --> 00:49:09,449
Especially

1398
00:49:09,989 --> 00:49:10,489
lately,

1399
00:49:11,109 --> 00:49:11,609
we've,

1400
00:49:12,389 --> 00:49:15,190
you know, come that we are regularly watching

1401
00:49:15,190 --> 00:49:16,949
and looking forward to coming back in another

1402
00:49:16,949 --> 00:49:18,710
week or so. I know. And we we

1403
00:49:18,710 --> 00:49:20,809
are also waiting for certain entire,

1404
00:49:21,565 --> 00:49:23,485
seasons to drop because we don't wanna do

1405
00:49:23,485 --> 00:49:24,605
the week to week. Like The Pit, we

1406
00:49:24,605 --> 00:49:26,925
both wanna watch The Pit, second season. I'm

1407
00:49:26,925 --> 00:49:28,605
a wait till all the Same. At least

1408
00:49:28,605 --> 00:49:30,625
nearly all the episodes are out. Mhmm.

1409
00:49:31,644 --> 00:49:34,859
Bridgerton, The Gilded Age. Yeah. We have gotten

1410
00:49:34,859 --> 00:49:37,019
each other into shows that I think on

1411
00:49:37,019 --> 00:49:38,299
our own we would not have watched. I

1412
00:49:38,299 --> 00:49:40,139
would not watch a lot of sci fi

1413
00:49:40,139 --> 00:49:43,359
or comic book or superhero or whatever stuff.

1414
00:49:43,500 --> 00:49:45,339
He would not watch a lot of period

1415
00:49:45,339 --> 00:49:47,339
dramas if I wasn't over here going, I

1416
00:49:47,339 --> 00:49:48,559
would like to watch this.

1417
00:49:51,014 --> 00:49:52,775
Now this one I think for some people

1418
00:49:52,775 --> 00:49:53,594
seems counterintuitive,

1419
00:49:53,974 --> 00:49:56,614
but I 100% agree of how to strengthen

1420
00:49:56,614 --> 00:49:57,194
your friendship.

1421
00:49:57,734 --> 00:50:01,014
Support each other's separate interests. You should, even

1422
00:50:01,014 --> 00:50:03,494
if it's a small thing, have individual interests

1423
00:50:03,494 --> 00:50:05,599
that are not directly connected to

1424
00:50:06,019 --> 00:50:06,519
each

1425
00:50:06,940 --> 00:50:08,780
other. That is how you kind of like

1426
00:50:08,780 --> 00:50:09,760
remember that you

1427
00:50:10,140 --> 00:50:11,500
are a whole ass person on your own.

1428
00:50:11,500 --> 00:50:12,000
You

1429
00:50:12,860 --> 00:50:14,780
have your own thing and also it gives

1430
00:50:14,780 --> 00:50:16,960
you something to like talk about that's

1431
00:50:17,574 --> 00:50:19,894
maybe new and exciting, that's fun, that lights

1432
00:50:19,894 --> 00:50:21,255
you up because you got to do this

1433
00:50:21,255 --> 00:50:23,574
thing you really like. JB is better at

1434
00:50:23,574 --> 00:50:24,635
this than I am.

1435
00:50:25,175 --> 00:50:27,035
And JB has a whole bunch of interests,

1436
00:50:27,414 --> 00:50:29,414
and he does things with them. I am

1437
00:50:29,414 --> 00:50:32,155
supportive of all of those things. You've got,

1438
00:50:32,719 --> 00:50:35,699
your record collection. Mhmm. You've got gaming.

1439
00:50:36,079 --> 00:50:36,579
Yep.

1440
00:50:36,960 --> 00:50:39,299
You go to the Humane Society to volunteer.

1441
00:50:40,799 --> 00:50:42,719
That started as a thing with the youngest,

1442
00:50:42,719 --> 00:50:44,480
and it I came to find out that

1443
00:50:44,480 --> 00:50:45,619
I liked it, and I

1444
00:50:46,085 --> 00:50:47,605
just do it on my own sometimes. It

1445
00:50:47,605 --> 00:50:48,804
used to be that you were the social

1446
00:50:48,804 --> 00:50:50,804
butterfly in the kink community, and I stayed

1447
00:50:50,804 --> 00:50:52,884
home. Now he stays home. I do, like,

1448
00:50:52,884 --> 00:50:54,404
try to nudge, but that's not that's up

1449
00:50:54,404 --> 00:50:55,844
to him when he wants to go and

1450
00:50:55,844 --> 00:50:57,684
do that again. There was something else I

1451
00:50:57,684 --> 00:50:59,545
was thinking of that you do

1452
00:51:00,829 --> 00:51:01,329
without

1453
00:51:01,630 --> 00:51:04,449
me that's your own separate interests. Puzzles?

1454
00:51:05,469 --> 00:51:06,989
Yeah. I'll do a puzzle. I have to

1455
00:51:06,989 --> 00:51:08,369
be in the right mood for a puzzle.

1456
00:51:08,989 --> 00:51:10,590
Because what happens is I'll start working on

1457
00:51:10,590 --> 00:51:12,030
it and I'll get focused and cool. And

1458
00:51:12,030 --> 00:51:13,469
then when I'm done, I it's like it

1459
00:51:13,469 --> 00:51:15,074
doesn't exist anymore and it's hard to come

1460
00:51:15,234 --> 00:51:16,434
back to. So if I can't finish it,

1461
00:51:16,434 --> 00:51:18,835
like, in one setting setting, I'm like, I'm

1462
00:51:18,835 --> 00:51:20,355
done now. But then again, you have your

1463
00:51:20,355 --> 00:51:21,795
cross stitch. Which I have not done in

1464
00:51:21,795 --> 00:51:23,094
ages because of my eyesight.

1465
00:51:23,635 --> 00:51:25,494
We both read. Yes.

1466
00:51:25,875 --> 00:51:26,894
We read similar genres and vastly different genres.

1467
00:51:26,894 --> 00:51:27,014
Mhmm. My I don't I didn't know it

1468
00:51:27,014 --> 00:51:27,659
was gonna be one of my favorites.

1469
00:51:29,179 --> 00:51:29,500
My

1470
00:51:29,980 --> 00:51:31,420
I don't I didn't know it was gonna

1471
00:51:31,420 --> 00:51:32,539
be one of my favorite things, but one

1472
00:51:32,539 --> 00:51:33,739
of my favorite things is to try to

1473
00:51:33,739 --> 00:51:35,980
explain some of this unhinged smut that I

1474
00:51:35,980 --> 00:51:37,519
read. Not, like,

1475
00:51:38,859 --> 00:51:41,019
inanimate objects that are really people that are

1476
00:51:41,099 --> 00:51:42,795
you're somehow fucking a fork. That's not what

1477
00:51:42,795 --> 00:51:45,608
what I'm talking about. I'm that's not my

1478
00:51:45,608 --> 00:51:48,422
genre. I I'm not interested. But, like, trying

1479
00:51:48,422 --> 00:51:50,922
to explain how this society does this thing

1480
00:51:50,922 --> 00:51:53,423
or this mafia wannabe group is handling the

1481
00:51:53,736 --> 00:51:56,237
and he's just looking at me like you're

1482
00:51:56,237 --> 00:51:58,869
reading. And and and then you go and

1483
00:51:58,869 --> 00:52:00,650
then you gotta watch out for those

1484
00:52:01,110 --> 00:52:03,190
damn den of vipers. Oh my god. If

1485
00:52:03,190 --> 00:52:05,030
someone will remind me, I will bitch about

1486
00:52:05,030 --> 00:52:07,110
that book in the bonus section. Holy shit.

1487
00:52:07,110 --> 00:52:08,010
I was so mad.

1488
00:52:08,630 --> 00:52:10,965
It was my first did not finish of

1489
00:52:10,965 --> 00:52:11,845
2027

1490
00:52:11,845 --> 00:52:13,785
because I just couldn't make myself. Anyways,

1491
00:52:14,805 --> 00:52:17,045
so Excuse me. We both read. We read

1492
00:52:17,045 --> 00:52:19,864
at completely different rates. We have some crossover

1493
00:52:19,925 --> 00:52:21,385
of genre, but not a lot.

1494
00:52:22,565 --> 00:52:24,565
So when we're reading different books JB is

1495
00:52:24,565 --> 00:52:26,480
not really like this. He he reads for

1496
00:52:26,480 --> 00:52:28,079
his reasons. I read for my reasons, but

1497
00:52:28,079 --> 00:52:30,159
that's my best friend. And he's the one

1498
00:52:30,159 --> 00:52:31,440
I talk to about the crazy shit I

1499
00:52:31,440 --> 00:52:33,679
read, so I will word vomit all over

1500
00:52:33,679 --> 00:52:35,440
him on some of the crazy shit I

1501
00:52:35,440 --> 00:52:37,859
read. And he indulges me.

1502
00:52:38,400 --> 00:52:40,079
I do feel like in those moments, that's

1503
00:52:40,079 --> 00:52:41,139
very much a daddy

1504
00:52:41,555 --> 00:52:43,635
dom thing of, oh, look at my crazy

1505
00:52:43,635 --> 00:52:44,454
baby girl.

1506
00:52:45,635 --> 00:52:47,635
She's so excited. I'll just let her keep

1507
00:52:47,635 --> 00:52:48,135
going.

1508
00:52:50,994 --> 00:52:53,235
Okay. And then the the last one on

1509
00:52:53,235 --> 00:52:55,015
this list of how to strengthen your friendship,

1510
00:52:55,320 --> 00:52:56,760
by the way, we're so wordy. I'll go

1511
00:52:56,760 --> 00:52:58,440
through these real again real quick.

1512
00:52:58,840 --> 00:52:59,739
Express gratitude.

1513
00:53:00,119 --> 00:53:02,599
We have been talking about gratitude since early

1514
00:53:02,599 --> 00:53:04,599
days. That to me is a hallmark of

1515
00:53:04,599 --> 00:53:05,579
all power exchange.

1516
00:53:05,880 --> 00:53:07,260
Express gratitude. I

1517
00:53:08,414 --> 00:53:10,434
I have I do a thing. It kind

1518
00:53:11,614 --> 00:53:13,155
of drives you nuts a little bit.

1519
00:53:14,015 --> 00:53:15,155
Because, you know,

1520
00:53:15,775 --> 00:53:17,934
she is my beautiful assistant when when we

1521
00:53:17,934 --> 00:53:20,114
do stuff around the house or or anything

1522
00:53:21,054 --> 00:53:23,394
and I always thank her for it.

1523
00:53:24,010 --> 00:53:24,650
I always thank I know. I give him

1524
00:53:24,650 --> 00:53:26,809
the weirdest looks. And and and you give

1525
00:53:26,809 --> 00:53:29,210
the you you're like a shrunken violet when

1526
00:53:29,210 --> 00:53:30,590
I do that. You just kinda

1527
00:53:32,010 --> 00:53:34,329
Yeah. I'm very uncomfortable by being thanked for

1528
00:53:34,329 --> 00:53:36,110
a thing I was already gonna do.

1529
00:53:37,385 --> 00:53:39,405
But I am. I know. I know.

1530
00:53:40,664 --> 00:53:42,425
Yeah. And yet when I tell when I

1531
00:53:42,425 --> 00:53:43,704
say thank you to you

1532
00:53:44,025 --> 00:53:44,684
You're welcome.

1533
00:53:45,704 --> 00:53:48,264
Yes. But in the beginning I am. You

1534
00:53:48,264 --> 00:53:49,324
did not understand

1535
00:53:49,750 --> 00:53:51,369
what was happening to you.

1536
00:53:51,829 --> 00:53:52,329
Yeah.

1537
00:53:52,869 --> 00:53:53,369
Yeah.

1538
00:53:54,390 --> 00:53:56,230
Along with express gratitude and I know this

1539
00:53:56,230 --> 00:53:57,829
goes back to friendship, but we're gonna speak

1540
00:53:57,829 --> 00:53:59,210
specifically to power exchange.

1541
00:54:02,494 --> 00:54:05,135
Subs to Doms, and this includes when you're

1542
00:54:05,135 --> 00:54:07,055
switching. So like if to the person who

1543
00:54:07,055 --> 00:54:09,135
did the Dom thing. Maybe they topped you

1544
00:54:09,135 --> 00:54:11,454
in a scene or they, you know, they

1545
00:54:11,454 --> 00:54:13,315
did a thing they've never done before,

1546
00:54:13,695 --> 00:54:15,695
but they knew because you wanted it or

1547
00:54:15,695 --> 00:54:17,859
you liked it or it was pushing their

1548
00:54:17,859 --> 00:54:19,859
own, like I don't wanna say limits, like

1549
00:54:19,859 --> 00:54:21,780
hard limits, but pushing themselves to, like, try

1550
00:54:21,780 --> 00:54:23,940
new things. Jimmy's done that with me a

1551
00:54:23,940 --> 00:54:26,099
few times now, and I try to make

1552
00:54:26,099 --> 00:54:26,599
sure,

1553
00:54:27,059 --> 00:54:29,219
as soon as I'm coherent again, that I

1554
00:54:29,219 --> 00:54:31,539
thank him for that. Because I know I

1555
00:54:31,539 --> 00:54:32,505
I asked asked him to do a thing

1556
00:54:32,505 --> 00:54:34,264
he probably would not have done otherwise if

1557
00:54:34,264 --> 00:54:35,405
I had not wanted it.

1558
00:54:35,784 --> 00:54:38,025
And I need him to know actually this

1559
00:54:38,025 --> 00:54:39,704
was a good thing and I enjoyed myself

1560
00:54:39,704 --> 00:54:41,625
and I appreciate you for doing that. That's

1561
00:54:41,625 --> 00:54:43,625
more power exchange less friendship, but it's still

1562
00:54:43,625 --> 00:54:45,500
gratitude. Right? It's,

1563
00:54:46,920 --> 00:54:48,300
I often say this for,

1564
00:54:48,599 --> 00:54:50,119
you know, to help new doms grow in

1565
00:54:50,119 --> 00:54:51,719
their confidence, but this is true of all

1566
00:54:51,719 --> 00:54:54,699
doms at all comp at all experience levels.

1567
00:54:55,960 --> 00:54:56,460
Hearing

1568
00:54:57,375 --> 00:55:00,034
a genuine, like, that was good. I appreciate

1569
00:55:00,094 --> 00:55:02,014
you doing that for me. You did a

1570
00:55:02,014 --> 00:55:02,835
good job

1571
00:55:03,215 --> 00:55:05,875
can can be very helpful and meaningful

1572
00:55:06,335 --> 00:55:08,094
to a dom who's like, I just did

1573
00:55:08,094 --> 00:55:09,954
something that's technically a crime.

1574
00:55:10,735 --> 00:55:11,875
Is this okay?

1575
00:55:12,280 --> 00:55:14,360
For for a sub to go, yes, actually,

1576
00:55:14,360 --> 00:55:15,720
please. Please and thank you. Do that more

1577
00:55:15,720 --> 00:55:17,019
often. I enjoy that.

1578
00:55:17,720 --> 00:55:19,480
I think it's helpful. Not just for friendship

1579
00:55:19,480 --> 00:55:20,860
but, like, for confidence.

1580
00:55:21,160 --> 00:55:23,079
So real quick, how to strengthen your friendship.

1581
00:55:23,079 --> 00:55:24,680
Be curious about each other and learn about

1582
00:55:24,680 --> 00:55:26,700
each other. Do things you both enjoy together.

1583
00:55:27,054 --> 00:55:29,775
Support each other's separate interests, which means the

1584
00:55:29,775 --> 00:55:33,054
context there is have separate interests. There's nothing

1585
00:55:33,054 --> 00:55:34,894
wrong with that. Please have them. And then

1586
00:55:34,894 --> 00:55:35,795
express gratitude.

1587
00:55:36,574 --> 00:55:37,074
Now

1588
00:55:37,454 --> 00:55:39,569
this is not specific to friendship

1589
00:55:40,510 --> 00:55:42,589
because it's really about how to keep your

1590
00:55:42,589 --> 00:55:45,069
relationship whole and healthy and whatever. But if

1591
00:55:45,069 --> 00:55:47,389
having a whole and healthy relationship is predicated

1592
00:55:47,389 --> 00:55:49,389
in part on being friends, I think this

1593
00:55:49,389 --> 00:55:51,789
con this is part of it. And it

1594
00:55:51,789 --> 00:55:52,849
is this concept

1595
00:55:53,815 --> 00:55:55,195
called Bids for Connection.

1596
00:55:55,815 --> 00:55:57,494
The first time I heard it was from

1597
00:55:57,494 --> 00:55:59,515
TherapyJef. This particular reel,

1598
00:56:01,335 --> 00:56:02,554
is linked in the places.

1599
00:56:02,934 --> 00:56:05,335
But I've heard it in multiple places since

1600
00:56:05,335 --> 00:56:08,710
because it is something from the Gottman Institute

1601
00:56:08,769 --> 00:56:09,269
again

1602
00:56:10,130 --> 00:56:10,630
that,

1603
00:56:11,250 --> 00:56:12,789
they say the biggest

1604
00:56:14,050 --> 00:56:14,550
predictor

1605
00:56:15,329 --> 00:56:16,869
of will a relationship

1606
00:56:17,570 --> 00:56:19,030
last or will it

1607
00:56:19,409 --> 00:56:21,409
end and it and be very sad for

1608
00:56:21,409 --> 00:56:21,909
everybody

1609
00:56:22,434 --> 00:56:24,614
is how both partners handle

1610
00:56:24,994 --> 00:56:27,574
what are known as bids for connection. Now

1611
00:56:27,875 --> 00:56:29,714
my interpretation of this based on the way

1612
00:56:29,714 --> 00:56:31,014
therapy Jeff specifically,

1613
00:56:32,355 --> 00:56:35,014
explained it was to me bids for connection

1614
00:56:35,635 --> 00:56:37,574
are both ways to,

1615
00:56:38,329 --> 00:56:39,309
as the term

1616
00:56:40,650 --> 00:56:42,730
makes clear, connect with one another. But doing

1617
00:56:42,730 --> 00:56:44,809
these things is also about building on that

1618
00:56:44,809 --> 00:56:45,309
friendship.

1619
00:56:45,610 --> 00:56:48,409
Okay? Because it's not about the big things.

1620
00:56:48,409 --> 00:56:50,625
It's not about the kinky things, the sexual

1621
00:56:51,744 --> 00:56:53,284
things. It's about these small moments

1622
00:56:53,664 --> 00:56:55,344
that if you weren't in a relationship and

1623
00:56:55,344 --> 00:56:56,625
you were doing this with somebody else, you'd

1624
00:56:56,625 --> 00:56:57,744
do this with your friend and go, hey,

1625
00:56:57,744 --> 00:56:59,664
look at this. Hey, let's talk about this.

1626
00:56:59,664 --> 00:57:02,065
Okay? So a bid for connection is any

1627
00:57:02,065 --> 00:57:04,241
time a partner tries to get your attention,

1628
00:57:04,241 --> 00:57:04,369
affection, or interest. It is those moments where

1629
00:57:04,369 --> 00:57:05,605
like, oh, look at this cool thing or

1630
00:57:09,699 --> 00:57:11,539
oh, let me tell you about this moment

1631
00:57:11,539 --> 00:57:13,079
I had. When I

1632
00:57:13,539 --> 00:57:14,900
say to JB, oh my god, let me

1633
00:57:14,900 --> 00:57:16,579
tell you about this crazy shit that happened

1634
00:57:16,579 --> 00:57:17,480
in this book,

1635
00:57:18,179 --> 00:57:20,025
me doing that is making a bid for

1636
00:57:20,025 --> 00:57:22,424
connection. And every time he goes, okay. What

1637
00:57:22,424 --> 00:57:23,784
the hell happened this time? And he gets

1638
00:57:23,784 --> 00:57:25,405
all into it. That is him,

1639
00:57:26,664 --> 00:57:28,525
engaging in that bid for connection.

1640
00:57:29,304 --> 00:57:30,444
What can happen

1641
00:57:31,065 --> 00:57:32,444
over time in relationships

1642
00:57:33,224 --> 00:57:35,239
is if you there's three ways to handle

1643
00:57:35,239 --> 00:57:36,859
a bit of a connection. There's engage,

1644
00:57:37,639 --> 00:57:38,139
ignore,

1645
00:57:38,599 --> 00:57:41,000
or get irritated and and come at that

1646
00:57:41,000 --> 00:57:42,539
bit of a connection with irritation.

1647
00:57:43,400 --> 00:57:45,260
When and when you engage

1648
00:57:46,280 --> 00:57:48,280
more often than anything else, when that is

1649
00:57:48,280 --> 00:57:50,405
what you do a majority of the time,

1650
00:57:50,405 --> 00:57:53,625
the relationship has a better chance of

1651
00:57:54,244 --> 00:57:56,344
lasting. It's a healthier relationship.

1652
00:57:56,724 --> 00:57:57,224
Because

1653
00:57:57,684 --> 00:58:00,565
connection and friendship are just kind of the

1654
00:58:00,565 --> 00:58:01,304
same thing.

1655
00:58:01,764 --> 00:58:02,164
It's,

1656
00:58:03,125 --> 00:58:03,625
friendship

1657
00:58:03,925 --> 00:58:04,425
plus

1658
00:58:04,849 --> 00:58:07,090
the relation the power exchange and then depending

1659
00:58:07,090 --> 00:58:08,530
on whether it's a romantic or a sexual

1660
00:58:08,530 --> 00:58:10,769
relationship, all of those things like add on

1661
00:58:10,769 --> 00:58:13,090
to it. But to connect to somebody is

1662
00:58:13,090 --> 00:58:14,690
to see them as a fellow human that

1663
00:58:14,690 --> 00:58:17,329
you like being around and so therefore they

1664
00:58:17,329 --> 00:58:18,710
are your friend. Right?

1665
00:58:21,715 --> 00:58:23,974
So three options: engage, ignore, irritation.

1666
00:58:24,675 --> 00:58:25,175
Engaging

1667
00:58:25,875 --> 00:58:28,434
it's important. Therapy, Jeff said. Even when you're

1668
00:58:28,434 --> 00:58:28,934
busy,

1669
00:58:29,635 --> 00:58:31,554
even when you think the thing they're trying

1670
00:58:31,554 --> 00:58:33,414
to to show you, tell you about,

1671
00:58:33,780 --> 00:58:35,000
whatever is silly,

1672
00:58:35,619 --> 00:58:36,119
stupid,

1673
00:58:36,500 --> 00:58:39,320
you would never have cared or paid attention.

1674
00:58:40,340 --> 00:58:42,199
When you engage with them, when they

1675
00:58:42,660 --> 00:58:44,579
you know, he even said it could be

1676
00:58:44,579 --> 00:58:47,000
your partner staring out the window and sighing.

1677
00:58:48,945 --> 00:58:50,724
Right? That you are aware of.

1678
00:58:51,425 --> 00:58:53,445
That is a a bid for connection.

1679
00:58:54,385 --> 00:58:56,864
I can I used to deny this as

1680
00:58:56,864 --> 00:58:58,144
a kid because I didn't want to be

1681
00:58:58,144 --> 00:58:59,345
called out on it, but I've done this

1682
00:58:59,345 --> 00:59:00,785
my whole life? To the point that poor

1683
00:59:00,785 --> 00:59:02,144
JB asks me now, and I'm like, actually

1684
00:59:02,144 --> 00:59:03,765
no, I was just breathing that time.

1685
00:59:04,199 --> 00:59:06,519
When I was younger, if I wanted attention

1686
00:59:06,519 --> 00:59:08,839
I would sigh. It'd be of such a

1687
00:59:08,839 --> 00:59:12,460
pitiful mournful sigh. Of course my parents ignored

1688
00:59:12,599 --> 00:59:13,099
me.

1689
00:59:14,039 --> 00:59:16,359
And there's a conversation to be had about

1690
00:59:16,359 --> 00:59:19,339
using your words versus whatever, but that

1691
00:59:19,715 --> 00:59:21,954
body language and that noise you might make

1692
00:59:21,954 --> 00:59:24,434
to say, are are you paying attention for

1693
00:59:24,434 --> 00:59:24,934
me?

1694
00:59:25,315 --> 00:59:27,554
In my baby girl moments, beginning days of

1695
00:59:27,554 --> 00:59:29,074
the relationship, I probably did some of that.

1696
00:59:29,074 --> 00:59:31,715
It was before I had the strength to,

1697
00:59:31,715 --> 00:59:33,880
like, just say the fucking thing, I fell

1698
00:59:33,880 --> 00:59:35,239
back on old habits. I know I did.

1699
00:59:35,239 --> 00:59:37,000
And it can sometimes be cutesy in our

1700
00:59:37,000 --> 00:59:38,960
dynamic because JB's like, well, I know what

1701
00:59:38,960 --> 00:59:40,599
the hell that sound means. I know what

1702
00:59:40,599 --> 00:59:41,260
you're doing.

1703
00:59:41,559 --> 00:59:43,880
These days, JB is so attuned to me

1704
00:59:43,880 --> 00:59:45,800
sighing that I really am just going, oh

1705
00:59:45,800 --> 00:59:47,075
shit. I forgot to breathe there for a

1706
00:59:47,075 --> 00:59:48,675
second.' And I take a deep breath and

1707
00:59:48,675 --> 00:59:49,255
he's like, 'Are

1708
00:59:49,635 --> 00:59:52,515
you okay?' And I'm like, 'Actually, no. I'm

1709
00:59:52,515 --> 00:59:53,735
fine. I was just breathing.'

1710
00:59:54,195 --> 00:59:56,434
But he's paying attention. He thinks that's a

1711
00:59:56,434 --> 00:59:57,335
bid for connection,

1712
00:59:57,795 --> 00:59:59,875
so he engages and I have to be

1713
00:59:59,875 --> 01:00:02,099
like, oh, no. Nope. Just breathe in. Just

1714
01:00:02,099 --> 01:00:03,319
breathe in. We're good.

1715
01:00:03,779 --> 01:00:05,539
I think it's okay to have false starts

1716
01:00:05,539 --> 01:00:06,659
because you know what that tells me? It

1717
01:00:06,659 --> 01:00:08,980
tells me he's fucking paying attention. Paying attention

1718
01:00:08,980 --> 01:00:11,059
to me. Anymore, I just when I hear

1719
01:00:11,059 --> 01:00:12,519
those sighs, I

1720
01:00:13,535 --> 01:00:14,914
I look and I watch.

1721
01:00:16,894 --> 01:00:19,375
I don't ask anymore. No. You a couple

1722
01:00:19,375 --> 01:00:21,215
days ago you did. I do sometimes. It

1723
01:00:21,215 --> 01:00:22,894
must be deep sighs, but I really do

1724
01:00:22,894 --> 01:00:24,575
sometimes find myself, I guess, I'm holding my

1725
01:00:24,575 --> 01:00:27,055
breath or I wasn't breathing deeply enough and

1726
01:00:27,055 --> 01:00:27,875
then I'm like

1727
01:00:29,295 --> 01:00:30,949
I'm just trying to clear the air out.

1728
01:00:30,949 --> 01:00:32,089
That's all I did.

1729
01:00:32,630 --> 01:00:33,609
It's all good.

1730
01:00:34,069 --> 01:00:35,530
Forgot there for a second.

1731
01:00:36,949 --> 01:00:39,109
But, yeah, when you when you engage, you

1732
01:00:39,109 --> 01:00:41,530
tell your partner, I see you. I care.

1733
01:00:41,670 --> 01:00:43,670
I'm here. That's direct quote from therapy, Jeff.

1734
01:00:43,670 --> 01:00:43,989
Like, you're

1735
01:00:45,264 --> 01:00:46,804
you are reinforcing

1736
01:00:47,184 --> 01:00:49,764
the connection. You're letting your partner know,

1737
01:00:51,105 --> 01:00:52,164
yeah, you can

1738
01:00:52,465 --> 01:00:54,385
you and I have we have a connection,

1739
01:00:54,385 --> 01:00:56,304
and I'm reinforcing it on my side as

1740
01:00:56,304 --> 01:00:58,864
you are reaching for that connection on your

1741
01:00:58,864 --> 01:00:59,364
side.

1742
01:01:00,900 --> 01:01:01,559
I think

1743
01:01:02,659 --> 01:01:04,019
I think a lot of times in long

1744
01:01:04,019 --> 01:01:04,839
term relationships

1745
01:01:05,619 --> 01:01:07,299
of any flavor, but let's be clear here,

1746
01:01:07,299 --> 01:01:08,599
we're talking about power exchange,

1747
01:01:08,980 --> 01:01:11,139
because you and I have this this happen

1748
01:01:11,139 --> 01:01:12,440
to us. You feel disconnected.

1749
01:01:12,739 --> 01:01:14,179
There's been a lot going on in life.

1750
01:01:14,179 --> 01:01:15,654
There's been a lot of stressors. There's been

1751
01:01:15,654 --> 01:01:17,594
health stuff. There's been money stuff. There's been

1752
01:01:17,734 --> 01:01:20,134
parenting stuff. There's been, like, whatever whatever. Pick

1753
01:01:20,134 --> 01:01:21,734
a thing. There's been a lot. Right? And

1754
01:01:21,734 --> 01:01:23,494
it's chaos, and you can't, like, get a

1755
01:01:23,494 --> 01:01:25,654
grip on anything. And your power exchange has

1756
01:01:25,654 --> 01:01:27,654
been, like, for shit because who the fuck

1757
01:01:27,654 --> 01:01:29,335
has time and energy for that? And you

1758
01:01:29,335 --> 01:01:30,614
look at your partner and you're like, I

1759
01:01:30,614 --> 01:01:32,190
fucking yeah. I sleep next to them every

1760
01:01:32,190 --> 01:01:33,389
night or I see them every day, but

1761
01:01:33,389 --> 01:01:35,389
I miss them. Like I don't feel connected

1762
01:01:35,389 --> 01:01:35,889
to

1763
01:01:36,269 --> 01:01:37,010
them.' And

1764
01:01:37,309 --> 01:01:40,269
in retrospect, understanding this concept, I'm like oh,

1765
01:01:40,269 --> 01:01:42,269
all those times that I have said to

1766
01:01:42,269 --> 01:01:44,030
JB or he's come to me, like there's

1767
01:01:44,030 --> 01:01:46,304
there's a disconnect.' It's because we did not

1768
01:01:46,304 --> 01:01:47,684
have any of these small moments.

1769
01:01:48,065 --> 01:01:50,304
Everything got in the way, and so we're

1770
01:01:50,304 --> 01:01:52,405
just focusing on what has to be done,

1771
01:01:52,625 --> 01:01:54,005
you know, what our responsibilities

1772
01:01:54,304 --> 01:01:55,984
are, the thing coming at us that we

1773
01:01:55,984 --> 01:01:57,984
have to react to, and there's no turning

1774
01:01:57,984 --> 01:01:59,264
to another and going oh my gosh, let

1775
01:01:59,264 --> 01:02:01,440
me tell you about this crazy thing. Bids

1776
01:02:01,440 --> 01:02:04,079
for connection are as silly and as stupid

1777
01:02:04,079 --> 01:02:05,360
as oh my god let me talk about

1778
01:02:05,360 --> 01:02:07,119
the fucking traffic on the way home from

1779
01:02:07,119 --> 01:02:08,960
the grocery store. That is a bid for

1780
01:02:08,960 --> 01:02:10,659
connection. Yeah and I I think

1781
01:02:12,239 --> 01:02:12,980
as humans

1782
01:02:13,715 --> 01:02:14,454
you know,

1783
01:02:14,994 --> 01:02:17,474
we desire a connection, we desire to be

1784
01:02:17,474 --> 01:02:20,375
seen, and and obviously to be heard. Absolutely.

1785
01:02:20,514 --> 01:02:22,594
And if you can't be seen and heard

1786
01:02:22,594 --> 01:02:23,974
and known and understood

1787
01:02:24,355 --> 01:02:25,795
by a person that you are in a

1788
01:02:25,795 --> 01:02:28,699
long term committed relationship with, who the fuck

1789
01:02:28,699 --> 01:02:30,460
can you be seen and heard by? You

1790
01:02:30,460 --> 01:02:30,960
know?

1791
01:02:31,260 --> 01:02:33,420
Like, yes, I think I'm not good at

1792
01:02:33,420 --> 01:02:33,920
this.

1793
01:02:34,699 --> 01:02:35,980
I don't think you necessarily have to be

1794
01:02:35,980 --> 01:02:37,179
good at this, but I do think there's

1795
01:02:37,179 --> 01:02:37,679
some,

1796
01:02:38,299 --> 01:02:40,275
value to having friends outside of your dynamic,

1797
01:02:40,355 --> 01:02:42,614
like having connections outside of your dynamic.

1798
01:02:43,074 --> 01:02:44,914
That man's my bestie, but I know that

1799
01:02:44,914 --> 01:02:46,594
it's not a bad thing to have other

1800
01:02:46,594 --> 01:02:48,295
friends. Your partner might be

1801
01:02:48,994 --> 01:02:50,755
a BFF or one of your BFFs and

1802
01:02:50,755 --> 01:02:53,014
you might have other people, and that's good.

1803
01:02:53,840 --> 01:02:56,239
And you can get bids for connection with

1804
01:02:56,239 --> 01:02:58,579
your friend group, with your platonic friend group,

1805
01:02:58,800 --> 01:02:59,300
but

1806
01:03:00,000 --> 01:03:01,840
at the at the heart of it if

1807
01:03:01,840 --> 01:03:03,840
this is if this is a long term

1808
01:03:03,840 --> 01:03:06,579
relationship, especially the kind where you live together,

1809
01:03:06,880 --> 01:03:08,824
you're building a life together, you're trying to

1810
01:03:08,824 --> 01:03:11,304
like be together for as long as the

1811
01:03:11,304 --> 01:03:13,244
universe will allow you to be,

1812
01:03:13,625 --> 01:03:14,125
then

1813
01:03:15,384 --> 01:03:17,464
if nobody else can give you that that

1814
01:03:17,464 --> 01:03:19,704
little bit of connection, your partner sure as

1815
01:03:19,704 --> 01:03:20,204
shit

1816
01:03:21,210 --> 01:03:22,889
should. That does not mean it's always easy.

1817
01:03:22,889 --> 01:03:24,409
We get stuck in our own heads. Once

1818
01:03:24,409 --> 01:03:26,590
I learned about this concept, I started noticing.

1819
01:03:26,969 --> 01:03:29,289
JB would and I can't give you examples

1820
01:03:29,289 --> 01:03:31,369
because they're really small things. I don't catalog

1821
01:03:31,369 --> 01:03:33,289
them in my head, but he would make

1822
01:03:33,289 --> 01:03:36,055
a statement like oh look at this or

1823
01:03:36,595 --> 01:03:38,055
oh, did I tell you about'

1824
01:03:38,675 --> 01:03:39,175
and

1825
01:03:39,875 --> 01:03:41,815
I started noticing when I

1826
01:03:42,434 --> 01:03:44,835
did one of those 'mhmm' and didn't engage.

1827
01:03:44,835 --> 01:03:47,315
Like I acknowledged you spoke to me, but

1828
01:03:47,315 --> 01:03:49,894
I didn't turn with any curiosity

1829
01:03:50,889 --> 01:03:51,389
or

1830
01:03:52,010 --> 01:03:55,070
say anything to truly acknowledge. And not in

1831
01:03:55,449 --> 01:03:57,949
a disrespectful way that's not really

1832
01:03:58,409 --> 01:04:01,130
okay in most power exchange relationships. Like not

1833
01:04:01,130 --> 01:04:02,889
that, but just sort of a I'm over

1834
01:04:02,889 --> 01:04:04,875
here busy and I'm gonna acknowledge that you

1835
01:04:05,114 --> 01:04:07,594
spoke. I'm not gonna be rude, but I'm

1836
01:04:07,594 --> 01:04:08,094
not

1837
01:04:08,554 --> 01:04:11,355
engaging with you. Right? Once I noticed once

1838
01:04:11,355 --> 01:04:13,755
I understood this concept and I started paying

1839
01:04:13,755 --> 01:04:14,255
attention,

1840
01:04:14,954 --> 01:04:16,894
that was how I think I

1841
01:04:17,699 --> 01:04:19,780
was able to change my behavior. Because I'm

1842
01:04:19,780 --> 01:04:21,780
really good for seeking the connection. I got

1843
01:04:21,780 --> 01:04:23,139
so much shit to tell you, and I

1844
01:04:23,139 --> 01:04:24,359
can't wait to tell you.

1845
01:04:24,980 --> 01:04:25,480
You

1846
01:04:26,179 --> 01:04:26,679
don't

1847
01:04:27,539 --> 01:04:28,420
eng you don't

1848
01:04:29,139 --> 01:04:31,335
I I am I am different. You

1849
01:04:32,035 --> 01:04:35,074
it's really I engage in spurts. Yes. You

1850
01:04:35,074 --> 01:04:36,675
are not consistent all the time like I

1851
01:04:36,675 --> 01:04:39,474
am. No. And what happens, and I think

1852
01:04:39,474 --> 01:04:40,914
this sucks, and this is, you know, on

1853
01:04:40,914 --> 01:04:42,755
me as your partner and on other partners

1854
01:04:42,755 --> 01:04:44,215
who have somebody like JB,

1855
01:04:44,594 --> 01:04:47,210
the quiet ones get fucking forgotten. They get

1856
01:04:47,210 --> 01:04:47,710
disregarded

1857
01:04:48,010 --> 01:04:49,929
because you're not speaking up all the time.

1858
01:04:49,929 --> 01:04:50,750
People aren't,

1859
01:04:51,130 --> 01:04:53,369
like, listening for you and waiting for you.

1860
01:04:53,369 --> 01:04:55,289
They don't know what's coming. You know I'm

1861
01:04:55,289 --> 01:04:57,949
coming. You can hear me coming. Okay?

1862
01:05:00,170 --> 01:05:01,994
In every way you want to take that,

1863
01:05:02,075 --> 01:05:03,454
as JB Cleary said.

1864
01:05:05,195 --> 01:05:06,494
That's what she said.

1865
01:05:08,155 --> 01:05:08,655
But

1866
01:05:09,434 --> 01:05:10,255
that so

1867
01:05:11,195 --> 01:05:13,835
because you're not doing it all of the

1868
01:05:13,835 --> 01:05:14,280
time,

1869
01:05:15,079 --> 01:05:17,099
I had to teach myself to

1870
01:05:17,559 --> 01:05:19,159
stop what I was doing and not let

1871
01:05:19,159 --> 01:05:19,659
myself

1872
01:05:20,599 --> 01:05:23,019
stay so focused on my thing that I

1873
01:05:23,159 --> 01:05:24,380
that I unintentionally

1874
01:05:25,159 --> 01:05:27,159
ignored your bid for connection. Because that is

1875
01:05:27,159 --> 01:05:27,769
how you fuck up a friendship, and it's

1876
01:05:27,769 --> 01:05:28,550
how you fuck up a

1877
01:05:30,204 --> 01:05:30,945
relationship. If a

1878
01:05:31,644 --> 01:05:33,085
person feels like they they are never heard

1879
01:05:33,085 --> 01:05:34,364
when they're trying to show you a silly

1880
01:05:34,364 --> 01:05:35,804
little thing or tell you a silly little

1881
01:05:35,804 --> 01:05:38,224
thing or just share an observation or whatever,

1882
01:05:38,525 --> 01:05:40,945
then they're not gonna keep doing it. Eventually

1883
01:05:41,164 --> 01:05:43,085
you stop. You go, oh, well they don't

1884
01:05:43,085 --> 01:05:44,140
want to know anyway.

1885
01:05:45,320 --> 01:05:47,000
And I don't think I was doing it

1886
01:05:47,000 --> 01:05:49,000
a lot before I heard about this concept,

1887
01:05:49,000 --> 01:05:51,000
but I became aware of when it did

1888
01:05:51,000 --> 01:05:52,840
happen. And I was like, yeah. That's not

1889
01:05:52,840 --> 01:05:53,340
cool.

1890
01:05:53,880 --> 01:05:56,680
That's not cool. And so then yeah. What,

1891
01:05:57,414 --> 01:05:58,154
Derpy Jeff

1892
01:05:58,614 --> 01:06:00,134
said, and he is basing this on, you

1893
01:06:00,134 --> 01:06:02,375
know, the Gottman Institute on the Gottmans and

1894
01:06:02,375 --> 01:06:03,835
all that, but what he said was

1895
01:06:04,214 --> 01:06:07,194
when you engage in these bids for connection,

1896
01:06:07,494 --> 01:06:10,409
you create trust, connection, and resilience in your

1897
01:06:10,409 --> 01:06:10,909
relationship.

1898
01:06:11,769 --> 01:06:13,929
And the reason I pulled this out as

1899
01:06:13,929 --> 01:06:16,190
part of the friendship conversation is because

1900
01:06:16,809 --> 01:06:18,329
how many of us have these friends that

1901
01:06:18,329 --> 01:06:19,530
we text or we call or whoever and

1902
01:06:19,530 --> 01:06:20,650
go oh my god, I've got to tell

1903
01:06:20,650 --> 01:06:22,170
you this crazy thing or oh my god,

1904
01:06:22,170 --> 01:06:23,289
let me tell you about my day or

1905
01:06:23,289 --> 01:06:24,730
oh my god, look at this meme I

1906
01:06:24,730 --> 01:06:26,465
found. Oh my god, watch this real We

1907
01:06:26,465 --> 01:06:27,744
do it with our friends, we do it

1908
01:06:27,744 --> 01:06:29,425
with our partners and the the thing is

1909
01:06:29,425 --> 01:06:31,025
still the same. It's a bid for connection.

1910
01:06:31,025 --> 01:06:33,025
It's a hey, remember me? I'm here. I

1911
01:06:33,025 --> 01:06:35,184
want to share this thing that's meaningful or

1912
01:06:35,184 --> 01:06:37,605
not meaningful. This thing that caught my attention.

1913
01:06:37,824 --> 01:06:40,085
I want to connect you. And

1914
01:06:41,489 --> 01:06:43,409
the the things we're doing might have slightly

1915
01:06:43,409 --> 01:06:44,230
different outcomes.

1916
01:06:45,090 --> 01:06:47,650
A bestie versus, you know, long term power

1917
01:06:47,650 --> 01:06:49,730
exchange where you're trying to like be your

1918
01:06:49,730 --> 01:06:51,889
best kinky self for however many years the

1919
01:06:51,889 --> 01:06:53,170
universe will let you. You know what I

1920
01:06:53,170 --> 01:06:53,670
mean?

1921
01:06:55,144 --> 01:06:56,764
The actions are still the same.

1922
01:06:57,304 --> 01:06:58,905
And I think for anybody who's like, god,

1923
01:06:58,905 --> 01:06:59,724
I've been feeling,

1924
01:07:00,025 --> 01:07:02,045
you know, I love my partner.

1925
01:07:02,744 --> 01:07:04,744
They're one of my best friends. I want

1926
01:07:04,744 --> 01:07:06,844
this power exchange. I want this relationship,

1927
01:07:07,400 --> 01:07:10,200
but I'm feeling disconnected. There's lots of reasons

1928
01:07:10,200 --> 01:07:11,900
for it, but I would start with

1929
01:07:12,200 --> 01:07:13,019
are y'all

1930
01:07:14,280 --> 01:07:16,700
engaging with each other with those small things?

1931
01:07:16,760 --> 01:07:18,440
Just the small thing. It's not doesn't always

1932
01:07:18,440 --> 01:07:19,960
have to be a big sit down and

1933
01:07:19,960 --> 01:07:21,800
talk over coffee for two hours about the

1934
01:07:21,800 --> 01:07:24,045
state of your relationship. It can be. Those

1935
01:07:24,045 --> 01:07:25,184
are important too.

1936
01:07:25,565 --> 01:07:27,644
But the thing that gets you through and

1937
01:07:27,644 --> 01:07:28,704
I think that was

1938
01:07:29,164 --> 01:07:31,005
I didn't wasn't thinking of it in terms

1939
01:07:31,005 --> 01:07:32,764
of a bid for connection, but all those

1940
01:07:32,764 --> 01:07:35,344
times I find us laughing at, like, y'all,

1941
01:07:35,405 --> 01:07:35,905
y'all.

1942
01:07:36,204 --> 01:07:38,130
Last night, again, I don't remember what the

1943
01:07:38,210 --> 01:07:40,130
context was. I do know JB was trying

1944
01:07:40,130 --> 01:07:41,409
to go to the bathroom and I was

1945
01:07:41,409 --> 01:07:41,909
trying

1946
01:07:42,210 --> 01:07:42,949
to get undressed.

1947
01:07:43,329 --> 01:07:45,650
And I am half dressed and he's taking

1948
01:07:45,650 --> 01:07:47,509
a piss and we are giggling.

1949
01:07:48,369 --> 01:07:50,289
I don't even remember who said what first.

1950
01:07:50,289 --> 01:07:52,175
I think it was JB said something.

1951
01:07:53,275 --> 01:07:53,775
Made,

1952
01:07:54,394 --> 01:07:56,635
like, some Or I was watching you from

1953
01:07:57,035 --> 01:07:59,054
I don't know. Our inner teenagers

1954
01:07:59,434 --> 01:07:59,934
just

1955
01:08:00,635 --> 01:08:03,755
giggled, and we were just busting out laughing

1956
01:08:03,755 --> 01:08:04,255
together.

1957
01:08:04,954 --> 01:08:07,250
The moment's kind kind of forgotten five minutes

1958
01:08:07,250 --> 01:08:08,690
later. Like I said, could not tell you

1959
01:08:08,690 --> 01:08:09,989
what it was about now,

1960
01:08:10,609 --> 01:08:13,489
but that shared laughter, that shared moment of

1961
01:08:13,489 --> 01:08:16,689
silliness and joy That lingers. It lingers. Right.

1962
01:08:16,689 --> 01:08:17,430
And it

1963
01:08:17,914 --> 01:08:20,875
creates this sense of safety. Right? I can

1964
01:08:20,875 --> 01:08:22,954
be silly with him. He will probably laugh

1965
01:08:22,954 --> 01:08:25,135
with me. We do laugh at one another.

1966
01:08:25,594 --> 01:08:26,255
But sometimes

1967
01:08:26,795 --> 01:08:29,994
individually we are fucking ridiculous. She loves laughing

1968
01:08:29,994 --> 01:08:31,194
at me, I think. You know what it

1969
01:08:31,194 --> 01:08:32,494
is? It's the power thing.

1970
01:08:33,050 --> 01:08:33,550
You

1971
01:08:34,010 --> 01:08:34,909
are the

1972
01:08:36,489 --> 01:08:36,989
relatively

1973
01:08:37,529 --> 01:08:38,029
patient,

1974
01:08:39,130 --> 01:08:39,630
consistent,

1975
01:08:40,010 --> 01:08:40,510
controlled

1976
01:08:41,449 --> 01:08:45,550
dom. Mhmm. Sometimes sadistic, sometimes more caregiving.

1977
01:08:46,010 --> 01:08:48,364
You are in charge. I defer to you.

1978
01:08:49,224 --> 01:08:49,724
True.

1979
01:08:50,664 --> 01:08:52,204
As soon as I gotta tweak your nose,

1980
01:08:52,425 --> 01:08:53,944
if you're a little silly, if you're a

1981
01:08:53,944 --> 01:08:57,704
little ridiculous. And never in, a degrading way.

1982
01:08:57,704 --> 01:08:59,385
Never in a a way to put him

1983
01:08:59,385 --> 01:09:01,784
down because that's not his kink, and I

1984
01:09:01,784 --> 01:09:03,329
don't wanna top for that. Thank you very

1985
01:09:03,329 --> 01:09:03,829
much.

1986
01:09:05,010 --> 01:09:06,369
But always in a sort of tweak your

1987
01:09:06,369 --> 01:09:08,449
nose kinda way like, oh, oh, you're the

1988
01:09:08,449 --> 01:09:10,949
big bad daddy dom, but see this moment.

1989
01:09:12,930 --> 01:09:15,090
It, brings me much joy. That's all I'm

1990
01:09:15,090 --> 01:09:17,489
saying. If it hurt his feelings, I would

1991
01:09:17,489 --> 01:09:18,045
not do it

1992
01:09:18,604 --> 01:09:20,604
because that's not a bid for connection. That

1993
01:09:20,604 --> 01:09:22,885
is how you disconnect, to do things Mhmm.

1994
01:09:23,324 --> 01:09:25,244
To make jokes about or to draw attention

1995
01:09:25,244 --> 01:09:28,284
to something and it causes your partner harm

1996
01:09:28,284 --> 01:09:30,204
or pain or whatever. No. We

1997
01:09:30,765 --> 01:09:32,064
Yeah. But and yet,

1998
01:09:32,940 --> 01:09:34,239
for us, we can

1999
01:09:34,619 --> 01:09:36,300
go back and forth like that. Because we

2000
01:09:36,300 --> 01:09:38,060
know each other. And we know each other's

2001
01:09:38,060 --> 01:09:39,199
limits. We know

2002
01:09:39,579 --> 01:09:41,360
we can still screw it up and accidentally

2003
01:09:41,420 --> 01:09:42,940
hurt each other's feelings, but we are also

2004
01:09:42,940 --> 01:09:44,539
safe enough to go, that hurt my feelings.

2005
01:09:44,539 --> 01:09:45,975
I didn't like that. Now that is usually

2006
01:09:45,975 --> 01:09:48,135
me whining. No. You hurt my feelings, daddy.

2007
01:09:48,135 --> 01:09:49,354
I did not like that.

2008
01:09:51,814 --> 01:09:54,215
I probably play it two things. I play

2009
01:09:54,215 --> 01:09:56,155
it a little safer because I have to

2010
01:09:56,215 --> 01:09:57,755
I have to ride the line between

2011
01:09:58,070 --> 01:09:58,970
respect and disrespect

2012
01:09:59,670 --> 01:10:01,369
within our power exchange,

2013
01:10:02,630 --> 01:10:05,430
but also your feelings don't get hurt quite

2014
01:10:05,430 --> 01:10:07,750
as easily as my new your feelings still

2015
01:10:07,750 --> 01:10:09,270
get hurt. Yeah. It's not to say they

2016
01:10:09,270 --> 01:10:12,425
don't, but I can sometimes be hypersensitive to

2017
01:10:12,425 --> 01:10:14,524
stuff. Thank you. Childhood trauma.

2018
01:10:20,104 --> 01:10:22,184
So, yeah, I would say for whether the

2019
01:10:22,184 --> 01:10:24,079
friendship is strong or not, if anything about

2020
01:10:24,079 --> 01:10:25,760
your power exchange is you're going, oh my

2021
01:10:25,760 --> 01:10:26,659
god. I feel disconnected.

2022
01:10:27,199 --> 01:10:30,880
Something's not assuming all else is basically good.

2023
01:10:30,880 --> 01:10:33,619
Right? You trust each other. There's no, like,

2024
01:10:35,439 --> 01:10:38,085
cheating stuff, infidelity, like, however you wanna define

2025
01:10:38,085 --> 01:10:40,505
that. Right? Or term that.

2026
01:10:40,805 --> 01:10:43,204
You're both faithful to the relationship and the

2027
01:10:43,204 --> 01:10:44,824
thing you negotiated. Right?

2028
01:10:46,164 --> 01:10:48,164
You know, see see if it's that you're

2029
01:10:48,164 --> 01:10:49,204
ignoring the small

2030
01:10:49,765 --> 01:10:50,664
like, it is

2031
01:10:51,204 --> 01:10:51,784
I think

2032
01:10:52,229 --> 01:10:54,710
the one of them could be me agreeing

2033
01:10:54,710 --> 01:10:56,390
to go to an to the thrift store

2034
01:10:56,390 --> 01:10:57,670
with you when that is not a thing

2035
01:10:57,670 --> 01:10:58,890
I would normally do.

2036
01:10:59,270 --> 01:11:01,510
You know? You would have been fine, because

2037
01:11:01,510 --> 01:11:03,270
I think it happened a few times before

2038
01:11:03,270 --> 01:11:04,390
where you were like, would you like to

2039
01:11:04,390 --> 01:11:05,750
go? And I was like, no thank you.

2040
01:11:05,750 --> 01:11:07,064
No thank you. Mhmm.

2041
01:11:07,845 --> 01:11:09,125
And then the day I was like, yeah,

2042
01:11:09,125 --> 01:11:10,885
sure. I'll go with one, we found a

2043
01:11:10,885 --> 01:11:12,324
thing that we like to do together. We

2044
01:11:12,324 --> 01:11:13,845
don't have to do it together. He you

2045
01:11:13,845 --> 01:11:15,444
know, I'm perfectly fine if he goes off

2046
01:11:15,444 --> 01:11:16,664
by himself and does it.

2047
01:11:17,364 --> 01:11:18,885
But I think that was maybe a slightly

2048
01:11:18,885 --> 01:11:20,324
larger bid for connection, because I we had

2049
01:11:20,324 --> 01:11:22,030
the conversation, but I was Because I We

2050
01:11:22,030 --> 01:11:23,949
had the conversation, but I was able to

2051
01:11:23,949 --> 01:11:25,869
go, no thanks. So it wasn't ignoring or

2052
01:11:25,869 --> 01:11:27,729
irritation, it was just not

2053
01:11:28,270 --> 01:11:29,789
You know what we need to do again?

2054
01:11:29,789 --> 01:11:30,689
Uh-oh. What?

2055
01:11:31,229 --> 01:11:32,430
That we said we would do when the

2056
01:11:32,430 --> 01:11:34,425
weather got cooler? There's so many things we

2057
01:11:34,425 --> 01:11:35,944
always say we're gonna do when the weather

2058
01:11:35,944 --> 01:11:37,804
gets cooler. The the oddities market.

2059
01:11:38,824 --> 01:11:39,645
Oh, yeah.

2060
01:11:41,145 --> 01:11:43,545
We went to it. Right? Yeah. Okay. Okay.

2061
01:11:43,545 --> 01:11:45,385
We didn't stay long because it was warm.

2062
01:11:45,385 --> 01:11:46,984
It's still hot. It was still hot. Even

2063
01:11:46,984 --> 01:11:48,604
though even though it was like

2064
01:11:49,210 --> 01:11:51,609
08:00 at night. Yeah. Once I got hot

2065
01:11:51,609 --> 01:11:52,569
and sticky, I didn't wanna be out there

2066
01:11:52,569 --> 01:11:54,189
now. And it was still, like,

2067
01:11:55,130 --> 01:11:55,630
humid.

2068
01:11:56,250 --> 01:11:58,409
So for anybody who has noticed this whole

2069
01:11:58,409 --> 01:11:59,529
conversation, we've actually

2070
01:12:00,170 --> 01:12:02,354
it friendship is to make your power exchange,

2071
01:12:02,435 --> 01:12:04,215
like long term like last and,

2072
01:12:04,994 --> 01:12:06,194
you know, be as good as it can

2073
01:12:06,194 --> 01:12:08,515
be. Right? Nothing about that is specific to

2074
01:12:08,515 --> 01:12:09,175
power exchange.

2075
01:12:09,715 --> 01:12:12,694
None of it. The things you might consider

2076
01:12:12,835 --> 01:12:13,335
are

2077
01:12:13,795 --> 01:12:15,789
how much, you know, if you're looking for

2078
01:12:15,789 --> 01:12:17,229
bids of connection or you're looking for something

2079
01:12:17,229 --> 01:12:18,989
that you share, then of course kink. And

2080
01:12:18,989 --> 01:12:20,430
how you speak to one another will be

2081
01:12:20,430 --> 01:12:23,150
determined by your dynamic, right? Like what you've

2082
01:12:23,150 --> 01:12:23,650
negotiated.

2083
01:12:24,829 --> 01:12:27,150
But the rest of it is just human

2084
01:12:27,150 --> 01:12:29,090
stuff. It's not kinky specifically.

2085
01:12:29,869 --> 01:12:30,189
You can

2086
01:12:30,914 --> 01:12:31,814
all of this

2087
01:12:32,514 --> 01:12:35,795
is applicable to any relationship you have with

2088
01:12:35,795 --> 01:12:36,295
somebody.

2089
01:12:38,034 --> 01:12:40,274
And let me be very clear. Although all

2090
01:12:40,274 --> 01:12:41,954
the articles like to talk about marriage and

2091
01:12:41,954 --> 01:12:43,875
there's an expectation that all marriages will be

2092
01:12:43,875 --> 01:12:44,850
romantic and sexual,

2093
01:12:45,329 --> 01:12:48,530
None of this is specific to romantic relationships,

2094
01:12:48,530 --> 01:12:51,350
sexual relationships. None of it. Okay? Because

2095
01:12:52,369 --> 01:12:54,449
this is about how we treat each other

2096
01:12:54,449 --> 01:12:56,550
as humans regardless of

2097
01:12:57,409 --> 01:12:59,189
individual wants, needs, or

2098
01:13:09,635 --> 01:13:11,234
munch, and you're not dating them, you're not

2099
01:13:11,234 --> 01:13:13,289
fucking on me, but you find that they're

2100
01:13:13,289 --> 01:13:14,429
your friend. Right?

2101
01:13:15,210 --> 01:13:15,710
So

2102
01:13:16,329 --> 01:13:18,170
just keep that in mind. It's this is

2103
01:13:18,170 --> 01:13:20,170
not about a specific way to be in

2104
01:13:20,170 --> 01:13:22,329
a relationship or type of relationship or even

2105
01:13:22,329 --> 01:13:24,409
flavor, even though we talk about about it

2106
01:13:24,409 --> 01:13:25,425
in terms of power exchange.

2107
01:13:25,904 --> 01:13:28,804
Because I genuinely genuinely believe

2108
01:13:30,784 --> 01:13:33,344
our power exchange and relationship in general would

2109
01:13:33,344 --> 01:13:35,524
have been a lot harder over the past

2110
01:13:35,585 --> 01:13:37,505
five to six years if it had not

2111
01:13:37,505 --> 01:13:38,005
been

2112
01:13:38,960 --> 01:13:39,860
for the friendship

2113
01:13:40,239 --> 01:13:42,500
that's at the the base of it. Right?

2114
01:13:42,720 --> 01:13:45,360
We like each other as people, but also

2115
01:13:45,360 --> 01:13:47,360
we'll say say tell the other when we

2116
01:13:47,360 --> 01:13:49,199
don't like what they did. Right? We can

2117
01:13:49,199 --> 01:13:51,439
have those conversations. Well, even after we had

2118
01:13:51,439 --> 01:13:53,860
gotten together, you know, when we first met,

2119
01:13:54,215 --> 01:13:56,554
we even talked about it. How, you know,

2120
01:13:58,375 --> 01:13:59,114
the way

2121
01:14:00,215 --> 01:14:01,914
we have our relationship,

2122
01:14:03,414 --> 01:14:06,074
even if even if DS went away

2123
01:14:06,774 --> 01:14:09,130
Right. You know, we'd still be friends and

2124
01:14:09,130 --> 01:14:09,630
have

2125
01:14:10,170 --> 01:14:11,930
a relationship. I know. It makes me sad

2126
01:14:11,930 --> 01:14:13,210
to think of us being in a relationship

2127
01:14:13,210 --> 01:14:16,489
without power exchange. Yeah. However, yes, I want

2128
01:14:16,489 --> 01:14:18,670
to be around you because I like you.

2129
01:14:19,449 --> 01:14:21,050
We make each other laugh. We call each

2130
01:14:21,050 --> 01:14:23,695
other in our bullshit. We can plan together

2131
01:14:23,695 --> 01:14:26,095
and and work together. And I don't just

2132
01:14:26,095 --> 01:14:27,935
mean work, like, business wise, but, like, we

2133
01:14:27,935 --> 01:14:29,375
can come up with a plan for what

2134
01:14:29,375 --> 01:14:30,494
we wanna do with the house and then

2135
01:14:30,494 --> 01:14:33,155
execute that plan together. Like, we can Mhmm.

2136
01:14:33,375 --> 01:14:35,430
We can interact. We interact that way. And

2137
01:14:35,430 --> 01:14:37,030
also let's go sit down and, like, have

2138
01:14:37,030 --> 01:14:38,550
lunch together. You you and I you and

2139
01:14:38,550 --> 01:14:41,110
I renovated a condo together. And we still

2140
01:14:41,110 --> 01:14:43,350
stayed together after that. Yep. I was actually

2141
01:14:43,350 --> 01:14:45,430
very proud of that renovation. I was sad

2142
01:14:45,430 --> 01:14:46,810
when we had to leave it. I know.

2143
01:14:47,430 --> 01:14:49,670
Because we cannot do that level of work

2144
01:14:49,670 --> 01:14:51,335
at at this stage of life and in

2145
01:14:51,335 --> 01:14:53,654
this house. No. I I I am I

2146
01:14:53,654 --> 01:14:55,354
am kind of at a point where,

2147
01:14:55,975 --> 01:14:57,594
you know, she chuckled yesterday

2148
01:14:57,895 --> 01:14:58,614
because I

2149
01:15:00,295 --> 01:15:01,979
We've got to get a new backdoor for

2150
01:15:01,979 --> 01:15:04,060
this office where we record. Anybody who watches

2151
01:15:04,060 --> 01:15:05,760
the video sees the light fluctuate.

2152
01:15:06,220 --> 01:15:08,159
We know, believe me. Yeah.

2153
01:15:08,619 --> 01:15:09,979
Part of part of it is we need

2154
01:15:09,979 --> 01:15:11,340
a new door. There's a specific kind of

2155
01:15:11,340 --> 01:15:13,659
door we want to get. Okay, great. We

2156
01:15:13,659 --> 01:15:15,345
went to Lowe's to get the price for

2157
01:15:15,345 --> 01:15:16,864
the door. We're like, if we get it

2158
01:15:16,864 --> 01:15:18,465
from Lowe's, we'll get them to install it.

2159
01:15:18,465 --> 01:15:19,604
We know there's a cost.

2160
01:15:19,985 --> 01:15:21,585
The they couldn't give us an exact price

2161
01:15:21,585 --> 01:15:23,265
quote. We'll get that when the guy comes

2162
01:15:23,265 --> 01:15:24,405
tomorrow to measure

2163
01:15:25,025 --> 01:15:27,345
the door to make sure we JB knows

2164
01:15:27,345 --> 01:15:29,364
how to measure shit because don't ask me.

2165
01:15:29,985 --> 01:15:30,485
Anyway.

2166
01:15:31,380 --> 01:15:34,119
But the price to install the door

2167
01:15:34,739 --> 01:15:38,420
will likely cost more than the door. Or

2168
01:15:38,420 --> 01:15:39,239
equal to.

2169
01:15:39,699 --> 01:15:40,840
But probably more.

2170
01:15:42,420 --> 01:15:42,920
And

2171
01:15:43,300 --> 01:15:45,475
she explained this to us in the store

2172
01:15:45,475 --> 01:15:46,295
and I went

2173
01:15:48,034 --> 01:15:49,314
okay. And I'm trying to keep, like, my

2174
01:15:49,314 --> 01:15:51,314
game face on. I'm like, okay. Do not

2175
01:15:51,314 --> 01:15:53,074
act like this is freaking you out. And

2176
01:15:53,074 --> 01:15:54,594
I turn to JB and I figure he's

2177
01:15:54,594 --> 01:15:56,515
gonna go, okay, we're gonna keep looking elsewhere.

2178
01:15:56,515 --> 01:15:58,435
And I go, JB, did you hear? He

2179
01:15:58,435 --> 01:16:01,050
goes, yeah. Okay. And I'm looking at him

2180
01:16:01,050 --> 01:16:02,329
and I'm not gonna say anything in front

2181
01:16:02,329 --> 01:16:03,930
of this person who's just doing her job.

2182
01:16:03,930 --> 01:16:05,050
She does not need to hear all our

2183
01:16:05,050 --> 01:16:05,550
business.

2184
01:16:05,930 --> 01:16:07,449
So she walks away, do something or we

2185
01:16:07,449 --> 01:16:08,989
walk away. I can't remember. And I'm like,

2186
01:16:09,210 --> 01:16:11,530
you did you heard that correctly. The door

2187
01:16:11,530 --> 01:16:14,090
installation could be more than the cost of

2188
01:16:14,090 --> 01:16:15,310
the door. Yeah.

2189
01:16:15,784 --> 01:16:17,864
Like, yeah. It's worth every penny to me.

2190
01:16:17,864 --> 01:16:20,345
And I was like, okay. Okay. If you

2191
01:16:20,345 --> 01:16:21,965
don't care, I don't care. Okay.

2192
01:16:22,984 --> 01:16:25,405
I I year this goes back years ago.

2193
01:16:26,024 --> 01:16:26,845
I hung

2194
01:16:27,385 --> 01:16:28,739
a front door on my

2195
01:16:29,220 --> 01:16:29,880
first house.

2196
01:16:31,780 --> 01:16:34,039
It was a fucking nightmare. I

2197
01:16:34,500 --> 01:16:35,860
And I've never done a zorn right on

2198
01:16:35,860 --> 01:16:38,260
fire. Yeah. I for me, no. I I

2199
01:16:38,260 --> 01:16:40,980
would never never do that again. Mhmm. I

2200
01:16:40,980 --> 01:16:42,500
mean, there are there are things I would

2201
01:16:42,659 --> 01:16:43,800
I'd gladly do.

2202
01:16:44,925 --> 01:16:46,524
And, I have learned over the years certain

2203
01:16:46,524 --> 01:16:48,765
things I just keep my hands off. Look.

2204
01:16:48,765 --> 01:16:50,364
It's just better that way. If it don't

2205
01:16:50,364 --> 01:16:51,984
bother you, it don't bother me.

2206
01:16:52,445 --> 01:16:54,685
Simple on that. So, I defer to your

2207
01:16:54,685 --> 01:16:57,244
expertise on these things. And, you know, I

2208
01:16:57,244 --> 01:16:59,610
mean, like with the, even with the tile

2209
01:16:59,610 --> 01:17:02,090
in the kitchen. Mhmm. Mhmm. You know, there

2210
01:17:02,090 --> 01:17:03,930
was a time I would say, yeah, I'll

2211
01:17:03,930 --> 01:17:04,989
do it. Mhmm.

2212
01:17:07,050 --> 01:17:08,489
Can't be down on my hands and knees

2213
01:17:08,489 --> 01:17:10,270
that long anymore. For sure.

2214
01:17:11,164 --> 01:17:12,524
And they came in, and they had it

2215
01:17:12,524 --> 01:17:13,505
done in one day.

2216
01:17:14,125 --> 01:17:15,645
Yeah. They did. And it was done well.

2217
01:17:15,645 --> 01:17:16,145
Mhmm.

2218
01:17:16,524 --> 01:17:16,685
So

2219
01:17:18,045 --> 01:17:20,765
So Silent said in the live chat comments

2220
01:17:20,765 --> 01:17:22,524
on our topic, maybe just don't wear yourself

2221
01:17:22,524 --> 01:17:23,965
out for people you don't like. That's all

2222
01:17:23,965 --> 01:17:24,944
there is to it.

2223
01:17:25,404 --> 01:17:27,729
Yeah. Yeah. That's why, you know, when people

2224
01:17:27,729 --> 01:17:29,829
are trying to figure out who they want

2225
01:17:29,890 --> 01:17:31,670
to be their partner, I understand

2226
01:17:32,449 --> 01:17:33,670
that having a compatibility

2227
01:17:34,130 --> 01:17:36,850
in kinks and power exchange is important. Of

2228
01:17:36,850 --> 01:17:38,550
course it is. You're trying to have

2229
01:17:39,135 --> 01:17:41,614
a DS dynamic or a kinky life of

2230
01:17:41,614 --> 01:17:44,255
some sort with this person. Of course that's

2231
01:17:44,255 --> 01:17:46,354
important. But I think what's what gets forgotten

2232
01:17:46,654 --> 01:17:48,974
by a lot of people, and it's sometimes

2233
01:17:48,974 --> 01:17:50,494
how they end up with people that they

2234
01:17:50,494 --> 01:17:51,694
look back on and go how the fuck

2235
01:17:51,694 --> 01:17:53,474
did I get there, is because

2236
01:17:54,039 --> 01:17:56,360
the compatibility and kinks on what they're offering

2237
01:17:56,360 --> 01:17:58,840
you and how you can express your kinky

2238
01:17:58,840 --> 01:18:01,739
self with their kinky self ends up overriding

2239
01:18:01,960 --> 01:18:05,320
the basic basic fact of do you like

2240
01:18:05,320 --> 01:18:07,895
this person enough to wanna share oxygen with

2241
01:18:07,895 --> 01:18:10,454
them? Mhmm. Is this a person that outside

2242
01:18:10,454 --> 01:18:11,994
of this context you would

2243
01:18:12,534 --> 01:18:14,375
like to have lunch with, have a coffee

2244
01:18:14,375 --> 01:18:16,614
with, go see a movie with? Doesn't mean

2245
01:18:16,614 --> 01:18:18,534
you have to go do it, but would

2246
01:18:18,534 --> 01:18:20,314
you be willing? And to me,

2247
01:18:20,640 --> 01:18:22,239
especially if you're looking for some sort of

2248
01:18:22,239 --> 01:18:22,979
long term

2249
01:18:23,439 --> 01:18:23,939
serious

2250
01:18:24,479 --> 01:18:26,479
relationship, we're not talking maybe casual. I think

2251
01:18:26,479 --> 01:18:27,679
you should be this way even with casual,

2252
01:18:27,679 --> 01:18:29,520
but some of that's personality and I get

2253
01:18:29,520 --> 01:18:32,414
that. But long term, like you're trying to

2254
01:18:32,655 --> 01:18:35,135
negotiate a very specific kind of dynamic to

2255
01:18:35,135 --> 01:18:36,435
have with this person,

2256
01:18:37,694 --> 01:18:39,774
what are we doing if you don't like

2257
01:18:39,774 --> 01:18:40,274
them?

2258
01:18:41,055 --> 01:18:43,055
If the only thing about them that is

2259
01:18:43,055 --> 01:18:45,055
appealing is that they are the dom to

2260
01:18:45,055 --> 01:18:47,234
your sub, the sadist to your masochist.

2261
01:18:48,600 --> 01:18:52,279
Because I promise you when somebody's too sick

2262
01:18:52,279 --> 01:18:55,159
to get kinky, somebody's life gets too crazy

2263
01:18:55,159 --> 01:18:57,179
to keep up the routine, when

2264
01:18:57,880 --> 01:19:00,760
things change and shift just naturally and the

2265
01:19:00,760 --> 01:19:02,279
things you've been doing don't work anymore, and

2266
01:19:02,279 --> 01:19:03,255
you have to figure out

2267
01:19:03,975 --> 01:19:04,854
what you're gonna do with them and in

2268
01:19:04,854 --> 01:19:06,454
the meantime it's gonna there's gonna be a

2269
01:19:06,454 --> 01:19:09,414
lull, when you don't fucking like them the

2270
01:19:09,414 --> 01:19:10,954
rest of that shit gets miserable

2271
01:19:11,574 --> 01:19:13,734
the moment it stops being exactly what you

2272
01:19:13,734 --> 01:19:16,234
negotiated and you're outside of that honeymoon phase.

2273
01:19:16,850 --> 01:19:18,369
A 100%.

2274
01:19:18,369 --> 01:19:20,949
Please, Jesus, like them as a person.

2275
01:19:21,890 --> 01:19:24,069
Oh my God. Oh my God.

2276
01:19:24,689 --> 01:19:26,609
Because some of y'all describe these people to

2277
01:19:26,609 --> 01:19:28,210
me and I'm like, they sound like a

2278
01:19:28,210 --> 01:19:29,810
shitty human being and you kind of go,

2279
01:19:29,810 --> 01:19:31,409
well, they're kind of a shitty human being,

2280
01:19:31,409 --> 01:19:32,755
but they do that one kink thing I

2281
01:19:32,755 --> 01:19:35,235
like. And I'm like, but you're telling me

2282
01:19:35,235 --> 01:19:36,534
actively that you're miserable.

2283
01:19:37,475 --> 01:19:39,395
Stop being miserable and maybe go find the

2284
01:19:39,395 --> 01:19:41,555
person who's willing to learn that kink with

2285
01:19:41,555 --> 01:19:43,875
you and for you. Right? Because they like

2286
01:19:43,875 --> 01:19:45,975
you and you and you're compatible enough

2287
01:19:46,329 --> 01:19:47,850
that you can make something work and then

2288
01:19:47,850 --> 01:19:49,789
you can learn and grow together. So

2289
01:19:50,329 --> 01:19:52,429
I'm saying it. Anyway. Anyway.

2290
01:19:55,289 --> 01:19:56,029
Anywho. Anywho.

2291
01:19:57,770 --> 01:20:00,135
Ending on a ramp, whatever. Mhmm. The friendship

2292
01:20:00,135 --> 01:20:01,974
thing? Like that and I know that there

2293
01:20:01,974 --> 01:20:04,614
are people who come at relationships and and

2294
01:20:04,614 --> 01:20:07,255
see the connections differently. I get that. I

2295
01:20:07,255 --> 01:20:09,175
get that. And I like I said, there's

2296
01:20:09,175 --> 01:20:10,234
difference between casual

2297
01:20:11,010 --> 01:20:12,949
and long term to a certain degree.

2298
01:20:13,409 --> 01:20:13,909
Unless

2299
01:20:14,289 --> 01:20:16,369
like me, I'm wired that way. I gotta

2300
01:20:16,369 --> 01:20:18,369
like you enough to be your friend before

2301
01:20:18,369 --> 01:20:20,210
I can like you enough to even casually

2302
01:20:20,210 --> 01:20:22,069
play with you. But that's how I'm wired.

2303
01:20:22,850 --> 01:20:24,930
Just say it. Goddamn, stop being with some

2304
01:20:24,930 --> 01:20:26,864
of these people who are trash human beings,

2305
01:20:26,864 --> 01:20:29,505
but do that one thing with their tongue

2306
01:20:29,505 --> 01:20:31,125
that you like. Like, what?

2307
01:20:32,625 --> 01:20:33,125
Anyway.

2308
01:20:33,505 --> 01:20:34,005
Anyway.

2309
01:20:34,864 --> 01:20:36,704
I know. Suppose it's not their tongue. Sometimes

2310
01:20:36,704 --> 01:20:38,465
it's their dom look or it's the thing

2311
01:20:38,465 --> 01:20:40,110
they do with their hand or the way

2312
01:20:40,110 --> 01:20:42,189
they look in this one like, just because

2313
01:20:42,189 --> 01:20:44,670
the thing is is that you don't get

2314
01:20:44,670 --> 01:20:46,449
to live in that space all the time.

2315
01:20:46,510 --> 01:20:48,909
Mhmm. And that for a long term relationship

2316
01:20:48,909 --> 01:20:50,829
will not be enough to carry you forward

2317
01:20:50,829 --> 01:20:52,305
and for anybody to be happy and

2318
01:20:53,345 --> 01:20:54,085
healthy. Just

2319
01:20:54,385 --> 01:20:54,885
saying.

2320
01:20:55,265 --> 01:20:56,244
Anyway Anyhoo.

2321
01:20:56,784 --> 01:20:59,425
I'm done now. Okay. Are you sure? I

2322
01:20:59,425 --> 01:21:00,864
don't know. We don't have a bonus. I

2323
01:21:00,864 --> 01:21:02,164
don't think you're ever done.

2324
01:21:02,465 --> 01:21:04,465
Well, no. Ten fucking years of this, I

2325
01:21:04,465 --> 01:21:06,085
still got shit to talk about.

2326
01:21:07,970 --> 01:21:08,449
So,

2327
01:21:09,090 --> 01:21:11,010
are we good? Not bad. I can't answer

2328
01:21:11,010 --> 01:21:11,510
either.

2329
01:21:13,010 --> 01:21:14,690
Keep it kinky, y'all. And we'll see you

2330
01:21:14,690 --> 01:21:15,430
next week.

2331
01:21:24,364 --> 01:21:24,864
Daddy.

2332
01:21:25,244 --> 01:21:27,185
Yes? Can I talk to the crickets, please?

2333
01:21:27,404 --> 01:21:27,904
Yes?

2334
01:21:30,045 --> 01:21:32,204
I'm gonna announce a thing in order to

2335
01:21:32,204 --> 01:21:34,204
complain about a thing. Oh, dear. It's actually

2336
01:21:34,204 --> 01:21:36,029
not a complaint. It's just a fact. There's

2337
01:21:36,029 --> 01:21:37,630
not gonna be a Monday episode, a Q

2338
01:21:37,630 --> 01:21:40,029
and A episode. After this episode goes live,

2339
01:21:40,029 --> 01:21:42,050
the next one will be next week's podcast.

2340
01:21:42,829 --> 01:21:43,329
Because

2341
01:21:44,029 --> 01:21:46,189
first of all, JB was working on that

2342
01:21:46,189 --> 01:21:48,109
tool thing he was talking about up until,

2343
01:21:48,109 --> 01:21:50,074
like, fifteen minutes before it was time to

2344
01:21:50,074 --> 01:21:51,675
come in here and start setting up. Hence

2345
01:21:51,675 --> 01:21:53,435
the way I'm dressed. Right. For anybody who's

2346
01:21:53,435 --> 01:21:54,335
watching the video.

2347
01:21:55,994 --> 01:21:58,154
So there wasn't really time to record something

2348
01:21:58,154 --> 01:21:59,135
today anyway,

2349
01:21:59,594 --> 01:22:00,414
but we have

2350
01:22:00,875 --> 01:22:03,150
so much going on. None of it, like,

2351
01:22:03,150 --> 01:22:04,989
awful stuff. Just there's so much going on.

2352
01:22:04,989 --> 01:22:07,070
It's just been a lot of busyness. I

2353
01:22:07,070 --> 01:22:08,670
told him was it yesterday or today? I

2354
01:22:08,670 --> 01:22:10,430
can't remember which. I was like, I don't

2355
01:22:10,430 --> 01:22:11,789
think we should do the Q and A

2356
01:22:11,789 --> 01:22:13,310
episode this week. I said, I don't know

2357
01:22:13,310 --> 01:22:14,965
when the fuck I would even edit the

2358
01:22:14,965 --> 01:22:17,203
damn thing. And I was just like, thank

2359
01:22:17,203 --> 01:22:20,003
you. Because okay. So yesterday I would like

2360
01:22:20,003 --> 01:22:22,242
to complain for a minute. But it's not

2361
01:22:22,242 --> 01:22:24,481
really a complaint because it is all neutral

2362
01:22:24,481 --> 01:22:26,720
slash good stuff. Yeah. Yesterday before recording Tuesday

2363
01:22:27,001 --> 01:22:29,520
Mhmm. Lola was supposed to go do a

2364
01:22:29,520 --> 01:22:31,560
meet and greet, get to stay at doggy

2365
01:22:31,560 --> 01:22:34,520
daycare for a few hours Mhmm. For the

2366
01:22:34,520 --> 01:22:37,399
the dog boarding place that she's definitely gonna

2367
01:22:37,399 --> 01:22:38,760
go to because they're the only ones that

2368
01:22:38,760 --> 01:22:40,439
even fucking called back, and we like them

2369
01:22:40,520 --> 01:22:42,600
Yep. All to find out that they didn't

2370
01:22:42,600 --> 01:22:43,639
have us on the books. And I was

2371
01:22:43,639 --> 01:22:45,444
like, I had a ten minute conversation with

2372
01:22:45,444 --> 01:22:46,885
your scheduler, so I don't know what the

2373
01:22:46,885 --> 01:22:48,164
fuck happened there. I didn't say that, but

2374
01:22:48,164 --> 01:22:49,925
that was And I I told you, when

2375
01:22:49,925 --> 01:22:50,744
I got that

2376
01:22:51,284 --> 01:22:52,265
email Mhmm.

2377
01:22:53,045 --> 01:22:54,725
She put in the wrong date. She put

2378
01:22:54,725 --> 01:22:56,824
in the day of the phone call.

2379
01:22:58,289 --> 01:23:00,789
Yeah. Yeah. I'm sure she's a lovely human.

2380
01:23:01,489 --> 01:23:04,550
But also, I thought we had Lola completely

2381
01:23:04,609 --> 01:23:06,210
vaxxed because I'm always like, just give her

2382
01:23:06,210 --> 01:23:07,970
what she needs. Just tell me how and

2383
01:23:07,970 --> 01:23:09,970
there was one she was missing. Mhmm. So

2384
01:23:09,970 --> 01:23:12,130
she could not stay for doggy daycare. No.

2385
01:23:12,130 --> 01:23:12,734
We could take the

2386
01:23:13,534 --> 01:23:15,954
the tour, which was fine. It is how

2387
01:23:16,574 --> 01:23:18,814
okay. We are usually because out of necessity

2388
01:23:18,814 --> 01:23:21,375
we are usually cheapskates. Okay? Whatever is good,

2389
01:23:21,375 --> 01:23:23,534
but at the lowest price we can pay.

2390
01:23:23,534 --> 01:23:24,034
Mhmm.

2391
01:23:24,654 --> 01:23:27,154
They were explaining how their top tier package

2392
01:23:27,210 --> 01:23:28,109
for boarding, they,

2393
01:23:29,210 --> 01:23:30,969
there's all this stuff that they get regardless

2394
01:23:30,969 --> 01:23:32,989
of the package, much like the Patreon membership.

2395
01:23:33,449 --> 01:23:35,390
Anyway, shameless plug there.

2396
01:23:36,409 --> 01:23:39,289
But at this top tier package, the they

2397
01:23:39,369 --> 01:23:41,905
you will also get daily at a scheduled

2398
01:23:41,905 --> 01:23:43,744
time a report and a picture of your

2399
01:23:43,744 --> 01:23:44,244
dog.

2400
01:23:45,025 --> 01:23:46,645
And they go through all the other packages.

2401
01:23:47,025 --> 01:23:49,265
And I'm looking at this man next to

2402
01:23:49,265 --> 01:23:51,585
me who's like, this is my baby. You're

2403
01:23:51,585 --> 01:23:54,064
just gonna throw her to the proverbial wolves.

2404
01:23:54,064 --> 01:23:54,725
I'm like,

2405
01:23:55,185 --> 01:23:57,239
we'll take the top package. This man can't

2406
01:23:57,239 --> 01:23:58,760
go two days without a picture of it.

2407
01:23:58,760 --> 01:24:00,380
Maybe just it's fine.

2408
01:24:01,399 --> 01:24:03,000
Then they take us on a tour of

2409
01:24:03,000 --> 01:24:03,659
the facilities,

2410
01:24:04,840 --> 01:24:06,300
and they show us the standard

2411
01:24:07,000 --> 01:24:08,920
place. Like, they'll have a bed, whatever. I

2412
01:24:08,920 --> 01:24:10,454
want you to know folks right here.

2413
01:24:10,935 --> 01:24:12,635
I did not say a word.

2414
01:24:13,335 --> 01:24:15,015
I did not say a word. Because he

2415
01:24:15,015 --> 01:24:18,395
didn't have to. I am the JB translator.

2416
01:24:18,935 --> 01:24:19,435
Okay?

2417
01:24:20,295 --> 01:24:22,649
So the four foot by five foot

2418
01:24:23,289 --> 01:24:23,789
space

2419
01:24:24,329 --> 01:24:26,569
and the guy was not trying to upsell

2420
01:24:26,569 --> 01:24:28,170
us. He was like, this is plenty of

2421
01:24:28,170 --> 01:24:29,390
room. It's great.

2422
01:24:30,329 --> 01:24:32,010
We go in and we see the the

2423
01:24:32,010 --> 01:24:33,149
standard space,

2424
01:24:33,609 --> 01:24:35,449
cottage they call it, and then we'll see

2425
01:24:35,449 --> 01:24:38,135
right over here, the big open space with

2426
01:24:38,135 --> 01:24:40,454
a TV, and it's only $8

2427
01:24:40,454 --> 01:24:42,854
a day more. And before we saw them,

2428
01:24:42,854 --> 01:24:43,975
I was like, oh, we'll just take basic.

2429
01:24:43,975 --> 01:24:45,414
It's fine. Then we walk in there and

2430
01:24:45,414 --> 01:24:46,555
I'm like, that's basic?

2431
01:24:47,015 --> 01:24:49,574
That's only $8 more? And JB is looking

2432
01:24:49,574 --> 01:24:50,935
at it and we're both going, oh, but

2433
01:24:50,935 --> 01:24:52,570
you can't oh, Oh, that doesn't look like

2434
01:24:52,570 --> 01:24:55,210
a lot of Lola has a giant fucking

2435
01:24:55,210 --> 01:24:56,670
house to stretch out. I

2436
01:24:57,050 --> 01:24:59,610
went, don't worry. We'll take the the upgrade.

2437
01:24:59,610 --> 01:25:01,130
We'll give her the bigger space with the

2438
01:25:01,130 --> 01:25:01,630
TV.

2439
01:25:03,770 --> 01:25:05,850
So anyway, we couldn't do everything we were

2440
01:25:05,850 --> 01:25:07,055
supposed to do for that. I think we

2441
01:25:07,055 --> 01:25:08,895
ended up having something else to do yesterday.

2442
01:25:08,895 --> 01:25:10,354
I don't even fucking remember.

2443
01:25:10,814 --> 01:25:12,814
Today I had to take her or we

2444
01:25:12,814 --> 01:25:13,854
had to take her because we do it

2445
01:25:13,854 --> 01:25:16,095
together, to go get the Bordatello shot. That's

2446
01:25:16,095 --> 01:25:17,074
what she was missing.

2447
01:25:18,175 --> 01:25:20,439
And she hates going to the vet. That

2448
01:25:20,439 --> 01:25:21,880
should have been a small thing, but she

2449
01:25:21,880 --> 01:25:23,479
gets so stressed out. She paces the whole

2450
01:25:23,479 --> 01:25:24,939
time. Yeah. Tomorrow,

2451
01:25:25,479 --> 01:25:27,800
I drop Ella off at the vet at

2452
01:25:27,800 --> 01:25:30,760
8AM because she's peeing the wrong color. The

2453
01:25:30,760 --> 01:25:32,439
guy who's gonna give us a quote on

2454
01:25:32,439 --> 01:25:34,975
installing a new backdoor is coming at 10:30.

2455
01:25:34,975 --> 01:25:37,454
Mhmm. And then JB has a procedure at

2456
01:25:37,454 --> 01:25:38,255
01:30.

2457
01:25:38,255 --> 01:25:39,475
Right. On Thursday.

2458
01:25:39,854 --> 01:25:41,954
But don't you worry. On Friday

2459
01:25:42,494 --> 01:25:43,775
at 05:50

2460
01:25:43,775 --> 01:25:44,595
in the morning,

2461
01:25:45,215 --> 01:25:46,735
he's we've gotta be at the place so

2462
01:25:46,735 --> 01:25:48,354
he can get his hand MRI

2463
01:25:48,655 --> 01:25:51,659
Yeah. Scan done. And don't don't worry. On

2464
01:25:51,659 --> 01:25:54,380
Saturday, between 10AM and 2PM

2465
01:25:54,619 --> 01:25:56,779
The shit sucker's coming. Septic tank is gonna

2466
01:25:56,779 --> 01:25:58,399
get pumped, but we don't know what time.

2467
01:25:58,699 --> 01:25:59,199
Sunday

2468
01:25:59,659 --> 01:26:01,340
is an off day. I think we might

2469
01:26:01,340 --> 01:26:03,135
try to sleep. Actually, we'll probably do fucking

2470
01:26:03,135 --> 01:26:03,635
chores.

2471
01:26:04,975 --> 01:26:05,795
Then Monday,

2472
01:26:06,095 --> 01:26:08,414
Lola goes back to the eye doctor. Is

2473
01:26:08,414 --> 01:26:10,015
her eye healed up? Can we please take

2474
01:26:10,015 --> 01:26:12,095
off the cone of shame? Because she is

2475
01:26:12,095 --> 01:26:14,690
miserable and we are miserable. Yeah. Then Tuesday,

2476
01:26:15,949 --> 01:26:18,530
she goes for her doggy daycare. She's rearranging

2477
01:26:18,590 --> 01:26:20,270
the furniture with the Oh my god. She

2478
01:26:20,270 --> 01:26:21,810
is. And so I just went,

2479
01:26:22,110 --> 01:26:23,789
where in the fuck am I on top

2480
01:26:23,789 --> 01:26:25,390
of everything else that's always going on, where

2481
01:26:25,390 --> 01:26:27,070
in the fuck am I editing a video

2482
01:26:27,310 --> 01:26:29,675
Yeah. And posting? So that's why we're not

2483
01:26:29,675 --> 01:26:30,895
having the Q and A.

2484
01:26:31,274 --> 01:26:31,774
Yep.

2485
01:26:32,395 --> 01:26:34,074
Oh, sorry, Kim. I did I did gloss

2486
01:26:34,074 --> 01:26:35,454
over that. Ellipede

2487
01:26:35,835 --> 01:26:38,895
a bright orangey red color this morning.

2488
01:26:40,954 --> 01:26:41,454
So

2489
01:26:42,154 --> 01:26:43,595
we don't know what it is. I'm not

2490
01:26:43,595 --> 01:26:44,310
trying to speculate.

2491
01:26:45,350 --> 01:26:46,949
I was talking to the vet tech who

2492
01:26:46,949 --> 01:26:49,369
was giving Lola her vaccine

2493
01:26:50,069 --> 01:26:51,510
and going, okay, I know I'm supposed to

2494
01:26:51,510 --> 01:26:52,949
do this separately with the person up there,

2495
01:26:52,949 --> 01:26:54,949
but I need to schedule something for Ella.

2496
01:26:54,949 --> 01:26:56,810
She's not peeing the right color.

2497
01:26:57,189 --> 01:26:59,270
But also, you've sent us home twice to

2498
01:26:59,270 --> 01:27:01,404
collect urine, and we can't do it. It's

2499
01:27:01,404 --> 01:27:03,324
not happening. I just wanna bring her to

2500
01:27:03,324 --> 01:27:03,824
you.

2501
01:27:04,284 --> 01:27:05,505
So they were like,

2502
01:27:05,805 --> 01:27:06,545
8AM.

2503
01:27:08,125 --> 01:27:10,064
Yeah. Life life has been

2504
01:27:10,444 --> 01:27:13,085
hectic for us. Not bad. Not no. Not

2505
01:27:13,085 --> 01:27:13,585
bad.

2506
01:27:14,350 --> 01:27:16,050
You know, I've I've had

2507
01:27:17,469 --> 01:27:19,949
a couple things going on, tests and different

2508
01:27:19,949 --> 01:27:20,449
stuff.

2509
01:27:21,949 --> 01:27:23,170
Had the end endoscopy

2510
01:27:24,029 --> 01:27:26,829
Mhmm. Last week, and that went fine. Yeah.

2511
01:27:26,829 --> 01:27:28,050
They didn't find anything.

2512
01:27:29,224 --> 01:27:30,904
It's a lot of stuff. It just takes

2513
01:27:30,904 --> 01:27:32,984
time Yeah. Is all it is. Yep. We

2514
01:27:32,984 --> 01:27:35,244
don't get a single full day of work

2515
01:27:35,784 --> 01:27:38,184
until sometime next week. Yeah. There's just something

2516
01:27:38,184 --> 01:27:41,304
everywhere. Every yeah. So, yeah, tomorrow, I get

2517
01:27:41,304 --> 01:27:42,684
my my hand MRI'd.

2518
01:27:43,704 --> 01:27:44,024
And

2519
01:27:44,750 --> 01:27:46,430
No. Friday to get your Friday. That's right.

2520
01:27:46,430 --> 01:27:48,189
Jesus. Like, I can't keep up with all

2521
01:27:48,189 --> 01:27:49,869
these Thursday's all the other stuff. That's why

2522
01:27:49,869 --> 01:27:51,485
we have a family going out on the

2523
01:27:51,485 --> 01:27:53,250
weekend. I know. I know. I

2524
01:27:53,710 --> 01:27:55,310
know. Yeah. I know. We we go through,

2525
01:27:55,310 --> 01:27:56,989
like, the next till early next week, and

2526
01:27:56,989 --> 01:27:58,289
then it does slow down,

2527
01:27:58,829 --> 01:28:01,114
because we've got like our basic stuff that's

2528
01:28:01,114 --> 01:28:03,675
always scheduled. And then at the February

2529
01:28:03,675 --> 01:28:05,855
is where we've got more that comes up.

2530
01:28:06,875 --> 01:28:08,875
It's just it was a lot. And I'm

2531
01:28:08,875 --> 01:28:10,715
I'm trying to be very proud of myself

2532
01:28:10,715 --> 01:28:12,875
that I'm not panicking that it's a week

2533
01:28:12,875 --> 01:28:14,644
and a half or so where I do

2534
01:28:14,644 --> 01:28:16,858
not get a full day work Monday because

2535
01:28:16,858 --> 01:28:19,349
of an appointment the youngest has. I just

2536
01:28:19,349 --> 01:28:22,118
probably won't work at all Mhmm. Because we've

2537
01:28:22,118 --> 01:28:25,162
got the whatever's happening at nine Yeah. Now

2538
01:28:25,162 --> 01:28:27,654
I can't even oh, the eye doctor. And

2539
01:28:27,654 --> 01:28:29,685
then the the kids' appointment, like, I'm like,

2540
01:28:29,685 --> 01:28:31,685
okay, I guess I'm taking Monday off. Yeah.

2541
01:28:31,685 --> 01:28:33,045
What it really means is I just work

2542
01:28:33,045 --> 01:28:35,125
after dinner until I'm like, I don't wanna

2543
01:28:35,125 --> 01:28:37,125
sit here anymore. And and that's kind of

2544
01:28:37,125 --> 01:28:39,385
what I've been doing. I've just been working

2545
01:28:39,604 --> 01:28:41,864
in between when I can right now. Mhmm.

2546
01:28:42,229 --> 01:28:43,989
You know, and that was even how I

2547
01:28:43,989 --> 01:28:44,729
ended up

2548
01:28:46,069 --> 01:28:46,569
tackling

2549
01:28:46,869 --> 01:28:48,789
the lathe today because, you know, like I

2550
01:28:48,789 --> 01:28:50,390
said, all the videos they said, you know,

2551
01:28:50,390 --> 01:28:52,069
one hour, one hour takes about an hour,

2552
01:28:52,069 --> 01:28:53,929
takes about an hour. And,

2553
01:28:55,715 --> 01:28:57,255
taking it apart was easy.

2554
01:28:57,954 --> 01:29:00,054
Putting it back together was a little frustrating.

2555
01:29:00,994 --> 01:29:03,335
But, it's done. It's done. And, it's working.

2556
01:29:03,395 --> 01:29:04,375
And, it's quiet.

2557
01:29:07,474 --> 01:29:08,224
Yeah. But,

2558
01:29:10,860 --> 01:29:12,479
yeah. It's it's been

2559
01:29:12,860 --> 01:29:15,100
it's been a lot of running around. Mhmm.

2560
01:29:15,100 --> 01:29:17,500
And neither of us like, obviously, we can

2561
01:29:17,500 --> 01:29:19,260
do it, but we are homebodies who just

2562
01:29:19,260 --> 01:29:21,360
wanna keep to our fucking schedule and routine.

2563
01:29:22,140 --> 01:29:23,899
We're like, all of these things serve a

2564
01:29:23,899 --> 01:29:25,875
purpose. None of this is is,

2565
01:29:27,215 --> 01:29:28,654
there's a word I want. I can't think

2566
01:29:28,654 --> 01:29:30,654
of the word. It's not fluff stuff. It's

2567
01:29:30,654 --> 01:29:33,135
not unimportant bullshit that we're just making up.

2568
01:29:33,135 --> 01:29:35,234
It's like stuff that needs to happen.

2569
01:29:36,335 --> 01:29:36,994
It's like

2570
01:29:37,460 --> 01:29:39,300
we have a routine. We know what time

2571
01:29:39,300 --> 01:29:40,659
we're having breakfast in the morning. We know

2572
01:29:40,659 --> 01:29:42,260
what time we're gonna start our work day.

2573
01:29:42,260 --> 01:29:44,979
We like, you're you're fucking up my flow,

2574
01:29:44,979 --> 01:29:45,479
man.

2575
01:29:46,100 --> 01:29:47,939
But it's just Yeah. There's just stuff that's

2576
01:29:47,939 --> 01:29:49,159
gotta happen. Yep.

2577
01:29:49,699 --> 01:29:51,779
You know, and and it's like even, like,

2578
01:29:51,779 --> 01:29:53,239
what's Friday morning?

2579
01:29:55,024 --> 01:29:57,765
05:50 in the fucking morning. The the MRI

2580
01:29:57,824 --> 01:29:58,564
was requested

2581
01:29:58,945 --> 01:29:59,445
before

2582
01:29:59,905 --> 01:30:01,204
Christmas. Mhmm.

2583
01:30:02,064 --> 01:30:03,824
And it is now getting me And it

2584
01:30:03,824 --> 01:30:05,664
was after you placed And it was after

2585
01:30:05,664 --> 01:30:06,704
I I called

2586
01:30:07,520 --> 01:30:09,279
I placed one phone call. Word I wanna

2587
01:30:09,279 --> 01:30:10,260
thank you. Because,

2588
01:30:10,960 --> 01:30:12,260
I hadn't heard from anybody.

2589
01:30:12,560 --> 01:30:14,000
And, yeah, they they called me,

2590
01:30:14,560 --> 01:30:15,060
yesterday.

2591
01:30:16,560 --> 01:30:16,880
And,

2592
01:30:18,159 --> 01:30:19,920
you know, they told me they had an

2593
01:30:19,920 --> 01:30:21,840
early morning appointment. I was like, get me

2594
01:30:21,840 --> 01:30:22,340
in.

2595
01:30:22,994 --> 01:30:25,635
Let's go. I mean, do do we treat

2596
01:30:25,635 --> 01:30:27,954
ourselves of course. Will there be breakfast on

2597
01:30:27,954 --> 01:30:30,354
Friday morning? Of course, there will be. There

2598
01:30:30,354 --> 01:30:32,755
will bare minimum be the coffee. Coffee. Yeah.

2599
01:30:32,755 --> 01:30:34,770
At least. Very least. But I'm not eating

2600
01:30:34,770 --> 01:30:36,849
my breakfast at 05:30, nor am I waiting

2601
01:30:36,849 --> 01:30:38,289
until if I have to wake up at

2602
01:30:38,289 --> 01:30:40,609
05:00 or earlier so that we can leave

2603
01:30:40,609 --> 01:30:41,889
the house on time, blah blah blah blah

2604
01:30:41,889 --> 01:30:43,569
blah. Alright. The only good thing too I'm

2605
01:30:43,569 --> 01:30:45,170
not waiting on is that I can get

2606
01:30:45,170 --> 01:30:46,689
up and have coffee. You can. This is

2607
01:30:46,689 --> 01:30:48,689
not like the endoscopy where you couldn't have

2608
01:30:48,849 --> 01:30:49,510
Yeah. No.

2609
01:30:50,534 --> 01:30:51,034
No.

2610
01:30:52,534 --> 01:30:52,695
So

2611
01:30:54,215 --> 01:30:55,354
yeah. I just

2612
01:30:57,735 --> 01:30:58,795
I'm I'm

2613
01:30:59,735 --> 01:31:02,534
try to the best of my very rigid

2614
01:31:02,534 --> 01:31:04,534
ability, I've tried to just go with the

2615
01:31:04,534 --> 01:31:07,210
flow. Yeah. I'm not letting it panic me.

2616
01:31:07,989 --> 01:31:10,390
I'm just like, okay. These things all have

2617
01:31:10,390 --> 01:31:12,229
to happen and they are happening. And and

2618
01:31:12,229 --> 01:31:13,350
then I do a lot of this kind

2619
01:31:13,350 --> 01:31:15,189
of self talk. We have the fucking freedom

2620
01:31:15,189 --> 01:31:17,670
to just schedule shit. We don't work on

2621
01:31:17,670 --> 01:31:19,130
somebody else's schedule,

2622
01:31:19,430 --> 01:31:20,835
which if I was trying to do all

2623
01:31:20,835 --> 01:31:22,435
of this stuff and work, like, a nine

2624
01:31:22,435 --> 01:31:24,114
to five or whatever And then balance a

2625
01:31:24,114 --> 01:31:25,015
job. Yeah.

2626
01:31:25,635 --> 01:31:27,574
No. It would it would be so difficult.

2627
01:31:27,875 --> 01:31:30,835
So, like, I've I don't wanna complain too

2628
01:31:30,835 --> 01:31:32,515
hard because I know there are plenty of

2629
01:31:32,515 --> 01:31:33,869
y'all who are like, I wish I could

2630
01:31:33,949 --> 01:31:35,470
just go to this appointment when I need

2631
01:31:35,470 --> 01:31:36,289
to. Mhmm.

2632
01:31:37,229 --> 01:31:37,970
So yeah.

2633
01:31:38,590 --> 01:31:40,270
It's just it it was just one of

2634
01:31:40,270 --> 01:31:42,110
those. I was like, I'm I'm not adding

2635
01:31:42,110 --> 01:31:44,590
another thing to this list. Yeah. Yeah. Not

2636
01:31:44,590 --> 01:31:47,170
when I'm looking at empty inventory boxes,

2637
01:31:47,734 --> 01:31:50,074
and I'm looking at the state of sales

2638
01:31:52,375 --> 01:31:54,534
for everything we run, the Etsy shops and

2639
01:31:54,534 --> 01:31:56,635
the kangaroo, the kangaroo.com.

2640
01:31:57,255 --> 01:31:59,979
And it is typical for January to slow

2641
01:31:59,979 --> 01:32:03,039
down after the holidays. Sure. But our experience

2642
01:32:03,739 --> 01:32:06,300
prior to this year, January has always been

2643
01:32:06,300 --> 01:32:08,000
great. Mhmm. Always been great.

2644
01:32:08,460 --> 01:32:10,300
So it's like, oh, shit. Okay. And we're

2645
01:32:10,380 --> 01:32:11,820
you know, sometimes you have to go, okay,

2646
01:32:11,820 --> 01:32:13,820
maybe it's us. Maybe we're the problem. But

2647
01:32:13,820 --> 01:32:16,574
we're having conversations with other people that run

2648
01:32:16,574 --> 01:32:18,835
similar types of businesses and are like, no,

2649
01:32:19,295 --> 01:32:21,715
dead as a doornail out here. Yep.

2650
01:32:22,015 --> 01:32:24,734
It's almost like all of the chaos that's

2651
01:32:24,734 --> 01:32:25,875
being, you know,

2652
01:32:27,375 --> 01:32:27,875
happening

2653
01:32:28,814 --> 01:32:31,530
around the world, but for our perspective primarily

2654
01:32:31,530 --> 01:32:33,530
here in the country might be having a

2655
01:32:33,530 --> 01:32:35,770
negative impact on people's willingness to part with

2656
01:32:35,770 --> 01:32:38,489
their money. And I can fucking understand it.

2657
01:32:38,489 --> 01:32:41,449
Man. Yeah. Anyway. Anyway. Anywho. This is fine.

2658
01:32:41,449 --> 01:32:43,369
Mhmm. Yep. Because I'm not gonna go on

2659
01:32:43,369 --> 01:32:45,655
that rant right now. I'm not. And, after

2660
01:32:45,655 --> 01:32:47,175
this, I need to get you out into

2661
01:32:47,175 --> 01:32:49,975
the tiny shop. Oh. Because then, I need

2662
01:32:49,975 --> 01:32:50,215
your,

2663
01:32:53,255 --> 01:32:54,235
I need your assistance.

2664
01:32:56,250 --> 01:32:58,889
On rearranging some stuff. Alright. Are we And

2665
01:32:58,889 --> 01:32:59,789
I rearranging

2666
01:33:00,409 --> 01:33:01,789
deck chairs on the Titanic?

2667
01:33:02,409 --> 01:33:03,849
Yeah. Now that you've seen the movie, I

2668
01:33:03,849 --> 01:33:06,489
think it's actually are we playing classical music

2669
01:33:06,489 --> 01:33:08,329
while on the Titanic on the deck of

2670
01:33:08,329 --> 01:33:08,989
the Titanic?

2671
01:33:09,369 --> 01:33:10,969
I finally Got JP to sit down and

2672
01:33:10,969 --> 01:33:12,515
watch Titanic with me over the weekend.

2673
01:33:12,975 --> 01:33:14,574
And I remembered it. I've seen it multiple

2674
01:33:14,574 --> 01:33:16,654
times, but it's been years since I've watched

2675
01:33:16,654 --> 01:33:18,194
it. I was like, oh gosh, that's right.

2676
01:33:18,654 --> 01:33:21,234
The musicians, they played to keep the ambiance

2677
01:33:21,935 --> 01:33:23,715
up, and then they kept playing

2678
01:33:24,239 --> 01:33:24,739
knowing

2679
01:33:25,199 --> 01:33:26,640
it was the last thing they were gonna

2680
01:33:26,640 --> 01:33:27,619
do. Mhmm.

2681
01:33:29,600 --> 01:33:31,279
I I don't I wish I knew. Maybe

2682
01:33:31,279 --> 01:33:33,359
somebody else knows. Is that historically accurate, or

2683
01:33:33,359 --> 01:33:35,699
is that just artistic license? Because

2684
01:33:36,399 --> 01:33:37,300
that was poetic.

2685
01:33:37,600 --> 01:33:38,100
Mhmm.

2686
01:33:38,554 --> 01:33:39,054
They

2687
01:33:39,994 --> 01:33:42,074
I wanna say I did hear something about,

2688
01:33:42,074 --> 01:33:44,395
like, to that effect, but who I don't

2689
01:33:44,395 --> 01:33:45,054
know. I

2690
01:33:45,514 --> 01:33:46,574
don't know. Who knows?

2691
01:33:47,274 --> 01:33:49,054
So So anyway Anyhoo.

2692
01:33:50,074 --> 01:33:51,135
Yeah. Mhmm.

2693
01:33:53,550 --> 01:33:55,310
I think we're, but, yeah. I'm I'm,

2694
01:33:55,869 --> 01:33:57,550
out in the tiny shop. I am finally,

2695
01:33:57,550 --> 01:33:59,630
finally, finally getting a good handle on my

2696
01:33:59,630 --> 01:34:00,449
dust collection.

2697
01:34:01,789 --> 01:34:03,090
Which is good. Yep.

2698
01:34:03,469 --> 01:34:04,529
Yeah. Because it's,

2699
01:34:05,734 --> 01:34:07,354
it's dusty. It's dusty.

2700
01:34:07,734 --> 01:34:09,734
I was gonna say that I don't spend

2701
01:34:09,734 --> 01:34:11,255
a lot of time out there, but I

2702
01:34:11,255 --> 01:34:13,574
have vague memories of before you got better

2703
01:34:13,574 --> 01:34:15,755
dust collection to now. And yeah.

2704
01:34:16,215 --> 01:34:18,135
Yeah. You did not leave the tiny shop

2705
01:34:18,135 --> 01:34:20,474
without being completely plugged up in your nose

2706
01:34:21,659 --> 01:34:23,680
and being sawdust. Even with a

2707
01:34:24,220 --> 01:34:25,840
Yeah. The mask thing.

2708
01:34:26,860 --> 01:34:27,020
So

2709
01:34:28,300 --> 01:34:29,619
taste you. It is historically in our spot.

2710
01:34:29,739 --> 01:34:32,060
Said it's history. Okay. Alright. And Eva said

2711
01:34:32,060 --> 01:34:33,440
so too. Thank y'all. Cool.

2712
01:34:33,744 --> 01:34:36,725
It's yeah. It's beautiful. It's tragic.

2713
01:34:37,185 --> 01:34:39,744
It's sad. It's so funny. There were still

2714
01:34:39,744 --> 01:34:41,984
certain points, even after watching the movie so

2715
01:34:41,984 --> 01:34:43,984
many times over the years, that I still

2716
01:34:43,984 --> 01:34:46,064
cry. The one thing I don't cry about

2717
01:34:46,064 --> 01:34:46,564
anymore

2718
01:34:47,265 --> 01:34:47,765
is,

2719
01:34:48,545 --> 01:34:50,750
Jack at the end. I don't think it

2720
01:34:50,750 --> 01:34:53,949
could be a spoiler for a 28,

2721
01:34:53,949 --> 01:34:56,030
29 year old, maybe 30 old movie. I

2722
01:34:56,030 --> 01:34:56,690
don't know.

2723
01:34:57,470 --> 01:34:59,470
But you know, some people don't make it

2724
01:34:59,470 --> 01:35:01,090
in the end because it is Titanic.

2725
01:35:02,430 --> 01:35:03,409
But the scenes

2726
01:35:03,965 --> 01:35:06,204
where at the end as the the ship

2727
01:35:06,204 --> 01:35:06,704
is

2728
01:35:07,244 --> 01:35:09,265
genuinely just going down, there's no more hope,

2729
01:35:10,364 --> 01:35:11,185
where the

2730
01:35:11,645 --> 01:35:14,364
the poor people in steerage Yeah. Are just

2731
01:35:14,364 --> 01:35:15,425
like the mother

2732
01:35:15,900 --> 01:35:17,579
putting her kids to bed and telling them

2733
01:35:17,579 --> 01:35:19,659
stories and tucking them in so they'll go

2734
01:35:19,659 --> 01:35:21,439
to sleep. The old couple

2735
01:35:22,140 --> 01:35:24,860
holding each other in the I every time

2736
01:35:24,860 --> 01:35:27,579
I'm boohooing. Every time. The musicians when they

2737
01:35:27,579 --> 01:35:28,860
are about to go, okay, let's go find

2738
01:35:28,860 --> 01:35:30,320
our place, and then they kind of go,

2739
01:35:30,885 --> 01:35:32,904
we'll keep going. Cry, then.

2740
01:35:33,844 --> 01:35:34,344
Yeah.

2741
01:35:35,604 --> 01:35:37,145
Yeah. It was a good movie.

2742
01:35:37,925 --> 01:35:40,885
What? Taste you. Spoilers for Titanic the ship

2743
01:35:40,885 --> 01:35:41,385
sinks.

2744
01:35:44,270 --> 01:35:46,030
Wow. Look, there's a reason I really do

2745
01:35:46,030 --> 01:35:46,530
prefer

2746
01:35:46,989 --> 01:35:47,489
historical

2747
01:35:48,110 --> 01:35:48,690
kind of,

2748
01:35:50,829 --> 01:35:54,030
content, really, like, media, like movies, books, whatever,

2749
01:35:54,030 --> 01:35:54,530
because

2750
01:35:55,470 --> 01:35:57,070
they all died in the end. Like, if

2751
01:35:57,070 --> 01:35:59,055
it's old enough, you're like, okay, ain't nobody

2752
01:35:59,055 --> 01:35:59,954
living from here.

2753
01:36:00,335 --> 01:36:02,175
I might be sad because of the human

2754
01:36:02,175 --> 01:36:03,954
story, but there's no anticipation.

2755
01:36:04,975 --> 01:36:07,454
Actually, that's why I like romance. They're gonna

2756
01:36:07,454 --> 01:36:10,095
end up together in the end. I'm good.

2757
01:36:10,095 --> 01:36:11,935
The stress, the tension of that, I don't

2758
01:36:11,935 --> 01:36:13,710
need it. Tell me how we get here.

2759
01:36:14,350 --> 01:36:16,189
Oh, that was the thing I was gonna

2760
01:36:16,189 --> 01:36:18,689
complain about, the fucking Den of Vipers.

2761
01:36:20,109 --> 01:36:22,050
Okay. The book is called Den of Vipers.

2762
01:36:22,590 --> 01:36:24,189
I I DNF'd it. If you know what

2763
01:36:24,189 --> 01:36:26,750
other means, do not finish. I got 55%

2764
01:36:26,750 --> 01:36:28,029
of the way and went I can't fucking

2765
01:36:28,029 --> 01:36:30,264
do this anymore. The premise of the book

2766
01:36:30,264 --> 01:36:31,944
was really good. It's dark romance, and it

2767
01:36:31,944 --> 01:36:33,564
is dark. Like, I just casually

2768
01:36:34,184 --> 01:36:35,965
read about, a dismemberment

2769
01:36:36,344 --> 01:36:37,704
that felt like it came out of nowhere

2770
01:36:37,704 --> 01:36:39,784
and went oh, okay. Oh gosh. Okay. Yeah.

2771
01:36:39,784 --> 01:36:41,289
Dark, dark. Fine.

2772
01:36:42,789 --> 01:36:43,189
And,

2773
01:36:43,909 --> 01:36:46,229
these four mob type guys who call themselves

2774
01:36:46,229 --> 01:36:46,890
the Vipers,

2775
01:36:47,430 --> 01:36:48,729
hence the name of the book,

2776
01:36:49,510 --> 01:36:50,969
are air quote given

2777
01:36:51,270 --> 01:36:52,329
as debt repayment.

2778
01:36:52,869 --> 01:36:55,050
This woman from her father she's a fucking

2779
01:36:55,845 --> 01:36:58,324
fighter, man. She took down they sent some

2780
01:36:58,324 --> 01:37:00,905
men to go pick her up because that

2781
01:37:01,045 --> 01:37:03,125
she was their air quote payment. She knocked

2782
01:37:03,125 --> 01:37:04,965
all four of those fuckers out and had

2783
01:37:04,965 --> 01:37:06,405
the police come pick them up. I'm like,

2784
01:37:06,405 --> 01:37:07,145
yeah, great.

2785
01:37:07,489 --> 01:37:09,729
The the four actual guys come to get

2786
01:37:09,729 --> 01:37:12,210
her and they're like badass fighters. Nobody gets

2787
01:37:12,210 --> 01:37:13,890
the drop of them. She did. She got

2788
01:37:13,890 --> 01:37:15,970
two like on the fucking ground. She was

2789
01:37:15,970 --> 01:37:18,530
the coolest fucking female main character I've read

2790
01:37:18,530 --> 01:37:20,150
in a while. Okay.

2791
01:37:20,610 --> 01:37:21,970
The men are all like they have their

2792
01:37:21,970 --> 01:37:23,675
own unique personalities. They all have their this,

2793
01:37:23,675 --> 01:37:26,555
all that. Cool. They're all interesting. The sex

2794
01:37:26,555 --> 01:37:28,555
is gonna be hot. The tension is high.

2795
01:37:28,555 --> 01:37:30,395
You have to, like, how do you, like,

2796
01:37:30,395 --> 01:37:32,715
close this loop of y'all are all falling

2797
01:37:32,715 --> 01:37:34,795
for each other, but she's literally was given

2798
01:37:34,795 --> 01:37:36,600
to you. She's not not here by choice.

2799
01:37:36,600 --> 01:37:38,140
You came and got her.

2800
01:37:38,520 --> 01:37:40,600
So does she want to be with you

2801
01:37:40,600 --> 01:37:42,840
because she likes you and loves you, or

2802
01:37:42,840 --> 01:37:44,439
is this like out of necessity? And it

2803
01:37:44,439 --> 01:37:45,340
was the tension.

2804
01:37:46,199 --> 01:37:49,340
But I swear to you almost every page

2805
01:37:50,175 --> 01:37:52,494
we were reminded that this was a den

2806
01:37:52,494 --> 01:37:53,234
of vipers

2807
01:37:53,614 --> 01:37:54,914
and they were venomous

2808
01:37:55,375 --> 01:37:56,354
like snakes.

2809
01:37:58,094 --> 01:37:58,974
Y'all, like, I

2810
01:38:02,014 --> 01:38:03,454
I got it. I got it from the

2811
01:38:03,454 --> 01:38:05,500
title. I got it from the fact they

2812
01:38:05,500 --> 01:38:07,979
call themselves vipers. I got it from the

2813
01:38:07,979 --> 01:38:09,579
fact that every single one of the men

2814
01:38:09,579 --> 01:38:11,359
has some sort of snake tattoo.

2815
01:38:11,739 --> 01:38:13,899
I got it when they bought her jewelry

2816
01:38:13,899 --> 01:38:16,060
that all had snake stuff on it. I

2817
01:38:16,060 --> 01:38:18,715
got it when they put a snake tattoo

2818
01:38:19,014 --> 01:38:21,494
on her without telling her the significance of

2819
01:38:21,494 --> 01:38:21,994
that.

2820
01:38:23,335 --> 01:38:24,635
I did not need

2821
01:38:25,574 --> 01:38:27,574
the female main character or any of the

2822
01:38:27,574 --> 01:38:30,375
men in their inner monologue to talk about

2823
01:38:30,375 --> 01:38:30,875
how

2824
01:38:31,414 --> 01:38:33,320
this was the den of vipers.

2825
01:38:34,180 --> 01:38:35,000
There hit

2826
01:38:35,460 --> 01:38:37,159
a point where I just went

2827
01:38:38,260 --> 01:38:40,020
I don't care what happened. And we were

2828
01:38:40,020 --> 01:38:41,780
at 55% of the book, she's already fucking

2829
01:38:41,780 --> 01:38:42,899
all of them. I was like, Well where

2830
01:38:42,899 --> 01:38:44,755
the fuck's the tension? Supposed to hate that

2831
01:38:44,755 --> 01:38:45,255
motherfucker.

2832
01:38:46,435 --> 01:38:48,034
That one's supposed to hate women so bad

2833
01:38:48,034 --> 01:38:49,315
he can't even be in a room with

2834
01:38:49,315 --> 01:38:51,175
them, but we're already fucking.

2835
01:38:51,555 --> 01:38:53,395
She has already healed him with her magic

2836
01:38:53,395 --> 01:38:55,555
pussy. Like, I was like, I'm done. I'm

2837
01:38:55,555 --> 01:38:57,074
done. I couldn't do it. I couldn't do

2838
01:38:57,074 --> 01:38:57,574
it.

2839
01:38:58,010 --> 01:38:59,390
The premise was so cool.

2840
01:39:00,170 --> 01:39:02,110
I was there for it. That character

2841
01:39:04,810 --> 01:39:05,789
couldn't do it.

2842
01:39:06,970 --> 01:39:08,729
Yeah. So now JB teases me because I

2843
01:39:08,729 --> 01:39:09,930
I really was there was a point I

2844
01:39:09,930 --> 01:39:12,314
was ranting, den of Vipers, den of fucking

2845
01:39:12,314 --> 01:39:14,494
Vipers. I know you're the den of Vipers.

2846
01:39:14,635 --> 01:39:15,375
So now

2847
01:39:15,914 --> 01:39:16,814
out of the blue,

2848
01:39:17,835 --> 01:39:18,494
I'll just

2849
01:39:19,675 --> 01:39:21,454
yeah. You know, I heard

2850
01:39:21,755 --> 01:39:23,135
it was a den of Vipers.

2851
01:39:27,020 --> 01:39:29,579
Yeah. We all heard that multiple times for

2852
01:39:29,579 --> 01:39:31,520
the fifth first 55% of the book.

2853
01:39:32,779 --> 01:39:34,800
Anyway Anyhoo. Now that I've bitched.

2854
01:39:35,260 --> 01:39:37,420
Anyhoo. And it wasn't even kinky. Like, I

2855
01:39:37,420 --> 01:39:38,779
was going through all that and it wasn't

2856
01:39:38,779 --> 01:39:40,744
even kinky. And, yes, it was Y Choose,

2857
01:39:40,744 --> 01:39:42,364
my favorite of the subgenres,

2858
01:39:42,905 --> 01:39:45,324
but none of the boyfriends are boyfriends. So

2859
01:39:45,465 --> 01:39:47,145
I don't I don't love that. I I

2860
01:39:47,145 --> 01:39:49,145
prefer when there's, like, their interplay of all

2861
01:39:49,145 --> 01:39:50,445
the boys. Anyway,

2862
01:39:53,210 --> 01:39:53,710
Anyway.

2863
01:39:54,170 --> 01:39:55,949
I guess we can go now. Yes.

2864
01:39:58,649 --> 01:40:00,329
Maybe one day I'll get a wild hair

2865
01:40:00,329 --> 01:40:02,409
up my ass and just, like, start going

2866
01:40:02,409 --> 01:40:04,170
live to talk about fucking books I've read

2867
01:40:04,170 --> 01:40:06,774
before. I forget they even exist entirely. I

2868
01:40:06,774 --> 01:40:08,375
think I'll remember, do not try to read

2869
01:40:08,375 --> 01:40:10,474
Den of Vipers again, but anyway.

2870
01:40:12,774 --> 01:40:14,934
Okay. K. I guess we'll go now. Yeah.

2871
01:40:14,934 --> 01:40:16,534
Let's say goodbye. Thanks for being here till

2872
01:40:16,534 --> 01:40:18,234
the end, especially the bitter end.

2873
01:40:19,869 --> 01:40:21,630
We'll see you next week. Mhmm. I don't

2874
01:40:21,630 --> 01:40:22,829
know what the fuck we're talking about. We'll

2875
01:40:22,829 --> 01:40:25,090
figure it out. Thanks for joining us. Uh-huh.

2876
01:40:25,229 --> 01:40:26,210
Bye. Bye.