You're listening to the Living BDSM podcast, episode
four sixty nine.
69.
Nice.
No really word at all. Still four sixty
nine. I'm sorry. Okay.
Kayla Lawrence here with the one, the only,
the guy who's just as childish as I
am, John Brownstone.
I've embraced my inner 13 year old. Oh,
yeah. I mean, once I had to raise
12 and 13 year olds, I realized I
wasn't that far off. Right. Fine. Exactly.
In a way,
weirdly, us laughing about this, kind of, sort
of, if you squint, actually relates to, this
week's topic,
and that is,
friendship is
very important to the health of a long
term power exchange relationship. And, quite frankly, JB
and I do more
giggling over
things that, crack us up mutually like silly
little friends then we do getting kinky. I
mean, if you're gonna, like, map out the
time spent on each activity
Yeah. Yeah. The silly laughter,
far outweighs
any and and all other activities. Especially right
before going to sleep. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
I'm, yeah.
We've talked about my Zoomies before.
Also, you think I'm hilarious and that is
one reason why I love you.
Welcome to the Loving PD BD what are
words?
Welcome to the Loving BDSM
podcast. If this is your first time listening,
glad to have you. And, yes, it's like
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Away we go. I feel like somebody has
his sassy pants on today. Maybe just a
little bit. And I'm not sure there's room
for two pairs of sassy pants
at this table.
When sassy collides.
When sassy pants collide. Yeah.
Okay.
So before we get into the actual,
episode,
it is time for the annual let's talk
about this for several minutes because I don't
know how to be concise.
Finally, finally,
our 2026
Patreon membership drive
is open. It is happening.
You are, of course, always welcome to join
our Patreon at any point during the year.
But if you join and or maintain
membership
through the membership drive, which ends February 28
at 11:59PM
Eastern,
you will get sent stuff in the mail
around April, probably late April this year, because
because we're a little bit later starting. Mhmm.
So we have three tiers.
We have $2 tier. That's our lowest tier.
It's where you get kinda like the basics,
which is, I think, a lot for $2
a month. We have the $5 tier, and
we have the $10 tier. So every paid
member of our Patreon,
gets access to our Discord server,
can join us for either game night or
movie night. We alternate each month. Movie night
is this Sunday,
don't know what we're watching yet. We're still
working on that part. But we'll watch a
movie.
And then next month in February we'll play
an online version of Cards Against Humanity. It's
a fun time. It is. And you also
get,
access
to our behind the scenes,
podcast. It's a monthly episode where we started
this last year in 2025, we're continuing it
in 2026, where we talk specifically about our
relationship and like what's going on, sort of
behind the scenes stuff that we,
for different reasons, might not talk about,
in our regular episodes. So that's what everybody
gets. $2 a month minimum, you get all
that. If you join as a $5
a month member, then you get access to,
JB who is reading, we call it Bedtime
Stories with JB. Last year,
he read different fairy tales from Grimm's fairy
tales. Like like the
the traumatic ones, not the cutesy Disney ones.
Some of them were like what is happening
here? I had to put content warnings on
some of the stories. I was like, you
need to be prepared for what you might
be about to listen to.
This year we're gonna find a book and
he's gonna read different chapters. We do try
to read or have read mostly things and
will continue to read
things that are in public domain, so we're
not violating copyright.
We're not we're not trying to, like, get
in trouble. But I did ask her to
find me something without old English. Yeah. That
was oh, poor JB. Anyway, so that is
a once a month,
episode thing that comes out. If you find
JB's voice particularly soothing,
then feel free to use his voice to
fall asleep.
And then if you are in the $10
level, that's our top level,
you get access to all of that. Bedtime
story, everything else. Plus you have,
unlimited constant access to every digital
product I have ever made. That's every workbook.
That's every planner sheet, dom or sub. That's
every coloring book. There are more coloring books
in the digital,
thing for $10 members than are actually on
the Etsy shop.
There's a couple of other documents that have
not made it to public
consumption but are available through Patreon.
So that's the tiers.
If you join during the membership drive, which
again is, as of the time I'm speaking,
through 02/28/2026,
You will then, in April, get sent something
in the mail. Yes. Even if you do
not live in The United States, yes. We
do ship internationally.
For the 2 and the $5 tiers, it's
a little sticker pack and, it's like loving
BDSM specific stickers. So there's our logo. Sure.
There's a Proud
Cricut. I created one late last year. I'm
gonna
update it. Literally says Lola agrees.
It'll probably be a just do what daddy
says sticker.
So you will get that in the mail.
If you are the $10
tier, you'll get the sticker pack and this
year's enamel
pin, p I n pin. I know the
southern accent. Pin and pin. Two different things
to me. Sound the same to y'all. This
one is the one with the pokey thing
and you can stick it on your pin
board or your jacket or your this or
your that or your whatever.
I'm not exactly sure what the design will
be, but I will be posting that in
Patreon.
For anybody who's like, oh, I really want
that pin, but I don't want to spend
$10 a month every freaking month, just do
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drive is over, go down to another tier.
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you get twelve months of access.
Using
US dollars because there is, you know, international
currencies will not be a one to one
here. Let's say you do the $2 and
you decide you'll pay for the year
join during the membership drive, it's $20 plus
the sales tax that Patreon is required by
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got in trouble
a few years ago. We're not charging sales
tax.
Do the I know. Right?
Do the $5 tier. You will pay $50
instead of 60 plus tax.
The $10 tier, you do annual. It's a
$100 instead of what is it?
Do I know how things work Instead of
120? I don't know how math works, but
it's two months off the total price in
US dollars.
So that is also a thing we do,
during our membership drive to incentivize
becoming a member.
So, yeah,
that is what's happening.
If you are a monthly member, not an
annual monthly, you can switch your tier at
any point. So if you start out
at 10, like, because you want that enamel
pin, p I n pin, and you're like,
yeah, yeah, I can't do this every month,
then you can drop it down. $2, whatever.
If you're an annual member, you can't go
down. You can only ever go up. That's
a quirk of Patreon. We don't control that.
So patreon.com/kaylalords
is a link. It's an old link from
before the podcast existed that I just never
changed.
So that's why it's just my name on
it.
Link is in the places. If you're like,
what is what? Just click tap the link
in the show notes or the description box
depending on where you're listening slash watching.
But it is patreon.com/kaylalords.
In order to get the thing in the
mail, you do have to give me your
mailing address and it needs to be the
correct one.
Every year, mail, comes back. I try to
seek people out. And some years, people never
respond to my message with a correct mailing
address.
So
we would love to have you. I think
we're, like, pretty cool, pretty chill folk, especially
in the Discord.
So, yeah, please join our
Patreon community. Yay. Okay.
Please and thank you. There we go.
I will endeavor
in future episodes
while the membership drive is going on to
be quicker about it than that. But the
first one's always the long one. I gotta
talk about all the things we do.
So
the
episode that we are doing today is technically
not a redo but a revisit.
Mhmm.
We have for years talked about how we
believe friendship
needs to be the basis of any dynamic
you have, even if it's not long term.
You're not trying to live the rest of
your life together. Because at the end of
the day, I think you should actually actively
like slash respect the human being you're doing
kink things with.
Look. You can consensually
disrespect one another. That's a whole thing you
get to negotiate.
But outside of that,
I do think it's
helpful if you think the person you're doing
the kink things with is a cool person
you like to be around.
But,
the other night, we were in bed laughing
about I don't even know. Couldn't tell you.
It was it was not last night, which
I now can't remember. Well, you were saying
that before. And I don't remember. You you
said you made a comment. I'm not And
I don't remember the comment. All of these
stories started. But my but my answer was,
that's what he said.
Don't make me spit water off of my
desk.
And you just clacked up and then it
just snowballed. We I well, cap so we
start laughing. I'm laughing. He's laughing.
We are giggling like little kids, and I
am thinking, oh my god. This man is
my best friend. I there's
very few people in the world I've ever
laughed like this with. And then, of course,
because the semibrain operates, it's like,
oh, we need to talk about friendship
within power exchange. And I was like, yeah.
But have we already talked about it? We
did. 2020,
like, right on the cusp of COVID, like,
kicking all of our asses.
March,
I think, for the for YouTube and the
thirteenth through the audio podcast.
Like, right as people start to go, I
think we're gonna have to close schools down
for a minute. Something's wrong here.
And we were talking then about how
our personal experience, how we started off as
friends, why that mattered, what that did for
us.
And when I realized we'd done the episode,
I was like, we have to do the
episode again. It's been almost six years. And
also
the friendship getting us through shit, we thought
it had done it pre prior to 2020.
And it did.
The past six
years, if we were not each other's best
friends, I don't know where we would be
right now.
Probably not sitting here like this. It's not
sitting here like this.
So two things, if you've never listened to
slash watched that episode, it is linked in
the places. Feel free. If you look at
the YouTube video,
do I look different.
I don't like to look at those old
YouTube videos. It makes me sad.
Anyway,
this one is gonna be very notes heavy
because
2020 to now, I we've always believed that.
We've always known for ourselves
it is a good thing to be friends.
It is what gets you through
all the times you can't be kinky, all
the times your dynamic has to take a
break, all the times life tries to kick
your fucking ass.
But this time,
I came with resources.
I came with notes.
So this one will be very note heavy.
I'm gonna try and go section by section.
We'll talk about our dynamic and how this
works for us while going through what other
seemingly intelligent people have said. Yeah. All of
the links to the things I used
are also
linked in the places.
The thing that is a little frustrating
is when you wanna find out about the
importance of friendship,
with long term, relationships, they all talk about
marriage and many, not all, but many assume
we are talking a cis heterosexual
marriage,
which is
not true for like, that's just not
the reality for plenty of people. So it
won't be like always the resources won't always
be a one to one, oh, this always
applies to kink relationships or just, you know,
air quote this awful term non traditional or
whatever.
But
I tried to pull out the points
that
I liked.
Just name my bio Caesar in there. I
liked them.
So,
at the very top,
the Gottman Institute, Doctor. Gottman, I have been
relying more on their site, even though most
of the good stuff is behind a paywall.
So that doesn't help me. I'm not paying
for it.
Because the Gottmans as a married couple have
been researching marriage specifically
for apparently like decades. So they've got some
hard numbers to sort of back them up.
So I feel like they're they're reputable. So
the first thing,
when talking about
friendship in long term relationships, regardless of the
flavor:
kinky, vanilla, whatever.
Intimate committed relationships
invariably require a certain level of dedication,
loyalty, mutual support, patience, and persistence.
That's a lot.
I mean, it sounds exhausting. When you're looking
at it from the outside, you're not in
a relationship, you're like, shit. That's a lot
of work. When you like the person you're
with,
it doesn't feel like work. Yeah. Yeah. I
mean, we have all of those things. We
are dedicated. We are loyal. We do support
one another. We are both working on patience.
Ain't nobody perfect. Okay?
And persistence, I am I used to be
a very patient person. You used to be.
I used to Before I met you. Almost
just like What happened? I used to be
very annoyed at you for
your
patience.
I think life kicked you in the teeth
a little bit and you're like, fuck this
patient shit.
But you're still more patient than I am,
which is not true. When your emotions get
high, I am the more patient one. Yeah.
And thank God thank God he taught me
something about patience. It rubbed off on me,
and then we needed me to be more
patient. Right.
And I
I am a dog with a bone in
terms of persistence.
To my detriment sometimes, to your annoyance sometimes.
Oh, because, oh, we're going to persist. Okay.
Nevertheless, she persisted. Oh, the fuck. Yes. She
did. Okay.
You are with me until the end. You
know, folks,
just just to show you how dogged she
is and can be. Dog with a bone
is a very fair assumption. What just happened
this morning,
when I was working on the on the
lathe replacing the
bearings. This was the old lathe by the
way, not the new one. And,
I had just found out that I had
put the part in wrong
and getting ready to refit the magnet in
there after I did all that.
She came out
to the garage where I was working
and I was in that in this mode.
I was pissed at that machine and I
was pissed at myself
for having taken apart a part that didn't
need to be taken apart. But, anyway, she
comes out there and she's standing there
and I'm this was it. I wanted this
thing together.
And, she just stood there
and watched
and followed me around.
And, once I had that final
screw in place and I took out my
earbuds,
that's when the talking started. Look, I am
trainable. Okay? I mean,
bigger, better carrots work than bigger, better sticks,
but I am trainable.
So yeah. So that is like, this is
what
intimate committed relationships
require according to the Gottmans.
Those things I don't think are gonna be
unfamiliar to anybody who's in a long wants
to be or is in a long term
relationship of any kind. But the thing that
I
noticed was but those are also the things
that
a good friend provides. Right? So it's not
that it is unique to
romantic relationships, sexual relationships,
platonic
what
Friends do these things for one another just
as much as other types of relationships.
Now,
also from Doctor. Gottman specifically, it was a
quote,
in an article or a book. I've linked
to the thing.
He said: Couples with deep friendships have
mutual respect and enjoyment of each other's company.
They tend to know each other intimately. They
are well versed in each other's likes, dislikes,
personality quirks, hopes, and dreams. They have an
abiding regard for each other and express this
fondness not just in the big ways but
in little ways day in and day out.
Every
When I say good that's a very subjective
term, of course, and any
air quote good relationship can turn bad for
things you don't know about if you're on
the outside looking in. But every relationship I
would have considered good and healthy and, like,
able to go for the long term. Even
from the outside looking in, you could see
it. Those people know each other and like
each other and want to be in each
other's company and
and can also be apart from one another,
but then are happy to come back together
again. The way I have known every relationship,
friendship, romantic, whatever
needed to fucking end was when I did
not want to be in a room with
them ever. When I was happier when they
were gone.
Now Dang. It
Yeah.
Did it always take me a while to
realize that? Did did my brain, like, filter
in all these other reasons I must be
feeling a sense of relief or happiness or
whatever? Sure. I mean it wasn't always obvious,
but looking back I could always go oh
yeah. That's all I knew. That wasn't gonna
work. Because I didn't like them. Let me
say it again. As an actual human
on top of anything else.
And I mean, you know, I'm gonna, like,
toot my own horn over here except
toot toot, motherfucker.
This to me describes
us.
I know I don't know every like or
dislike. We are constantly learning about one another.
Mhmm. You know my personality, of course, because
I've just stopped hiding them quite frankly. And
that's another thing.
You know, the level of trust and intimacy
you get to where you can just show
your full true self to a a partner
is then where they can learn all of
those little quirks that it's possible that your
own, like,
you know,
family that you were raised with, born into,
whatever doesn't know anything about. Right?
Well, doing that also, you know, gives,
opens you up to vulnerability.
Yes. And you and power exchange requires vulnerability
and intimacy.
Mhmm. But there's there are
overlaps.
Yes.
So the thing I want to point out
as we start talking about this, I don't
think the way I've framed any of this,
and I hope the way we talk about
this does not come across this way. There
are infinite ways to experience friendship. Even the
Gottman say that. So
the way we define our friendship or how
how we know that we're friends might not
be
the way that you know you're friends with
somebody else. There might be, like, other circumstances.
I'm gonna get into stuff
where they talk about this is, you know,
what friendship could do for you, what friendship
looks like, blah blah blah.
And it's you know, every once in a
while, I think it's in here. It's like,
you know, enjoying some of the same things.
Yes and no? Like,
we do enjoy some of the same things.
Hello, power exchange. That's usually, like, the common
factor. Right? You're like, oh, yeah. We both
enjoy the kink. Right?
But it's not a requirement to always like
all of the same things or always agree
on all of the same things and all
that good stuff. So just keep that in
mind. Like, however we're talking about friendship as
it relates to
a successful long term power exchange,
there are variations in in how how you
get there. Like how why and how somebody
is your friend and why and how that
is all expressed.
Okay. So I did try to section this
off so that we can try to talk
about it in sections.
It was two pages of, like, all the
bullet points. So just Oh goodness. So this
is from a specific article, it is linked,
about what friendship can add or do for
a long term relationship. Okay. Okay? So we'll
kind of go down these.
It can enhance emotional intimacy. When partners feel
safe and understood, they can share their deepest
thoughts and vulnerabilities without fear of judgment. Mhmm.
That's absolutely true. Now do we jokingly judge
one another?
Yes. Yeah. Because we think we're funny. Okay?
But we can jokingly judge one another because
we know it is a joke. We are
both in on the joke because we've had
enough experience where we were not judging one
another, and we're just going, oh my god.
That's awful. Oh my gosh. How can I
help? Oh my gosh. I see you. I've
I validate your experience for JB. I'm gonna
tell you the thing that I have watched
change this man more than anything over all
these years together is me
literally validating his experiences and going, that fucking
sucked. Those people sucked. You should not have
gone through that. Because he's got a whole
lifetime of people telling him that he should
get over it and it wasn't that bad
and what are you complaining about and blah
blah. That's just how it is.
And I'm over here going, no. That was
fucked up. Because when I'm your BFF,
I'm a tell you
when something was fucked up. I'm a try
to read the room a little bit, but
sometimes Yeah. Well, it's kinda hard when when
your
partner
has a psychology degree too. Who also has
a deep abiding fascination with why humans do
what they do. Yeah.
Y'all are my special interest. I don't know
what to tell you.
But we already know about the, you know,
importance
of intimacy in Power Change. We have done
that episode.
Emotional intimacy when we say intimacy, I think
a lot of people think about the physical
and the physical is there. Hello? Some of
us are bent over naked. We're strapped to
something naked.
Often a lot of naked.
Right? And you are doing things physically to
and with one another that in other contexts
could get you arrested,
that you would not do with e just
anybody else. Right?
But the emotional intimacy
to me is where some of that starts
for the long term. I can't
speak,
in any way shape or form on casual
play partners, on,
even, you know,
relationships that are more, like, a little bit
more fluid. You kind of come into and
out of each other's lives even though you
deeply care about one another. When I think
about it, I am thinking long term. We
live in the same house. We have some
of the same goals. Mhmm. You know? And
that's not
necessarily about marriage. It's certainly not about sex
or romance necessarily.
That's all, like, kind of on top of
it. It's the power exchange itself. We are
look. Look. I might be mumbling,
daddy under my dying breath. Okay? And my
poor children and grandchildren are gonna be like,
oh, did she miss her father? I thought
she said he was an asshole. And they're
not gonna understand.
But I'm a 99
and
barely holding my last two brain cells together
and will probably be asking for my daddy.
Okay? Like, I just
I just know.
So yeah. To to when you
now how do you go about making somebody
feel safe and understood?
That's a long term group project, y'all.
It's not what you say today. It's not
what you do tomorrow. It is what you
say and do every fucking day, including when
you fuck up. Because you will. You will.
You will say the wrong thing. You laugh
at the wrong thing. Like I always used
to say back in the day,
consistency.
I know. It is good. Consistency is good.
It's right up there with patience for me.
Like, I know it's good. I know it's
positive. It's just hard.
So there yeah. There's the emotional entity. Then
we've got and this is you and I,
we're good at this one. Uh-oh.
Friendship in a long term relationship promotes playfulness
and fun. Oh, yeah. We have that down
there. Laughing together? Or do you have these
little shared jokes? We have so many shared
jokes. I could not explain them to anybody.
Mhmm. Do you have three hours
and enough,
focus for the 300 slide PowerPoint I'm gonna
need to get you from point a to
point z on how we thought that weird
thing right there was funny?
No. No. The inside jokes. The way you
change language. I see this all the time,
online. People are talking about their own relationships
of all flavors, and they're talking about how
you come up with, like, your own secret
words and your own secret language and your
shorthand. Boody boody.
Whoopies. I mean, whoopies might have an actual
technical
definitive start, but that is part of our
language now.
So yeah. The you know, it breaks down
to enjoying spending time together laughing about silly
things. It's this is This is what I'm
thinking of when I'm like, do you even
like your partner? Like as a person, take
away the power exchange. They're not your dom,
they're not your sub, they're not your whatever
whatever.
Would you want to hang out with this
person?
Are you gonna have a good time in
their presence?
And we don't need like, for us, we
don't need outside things. We truly can just
at this point, long term,
we'll just start talking about something random and
one of us
will giggle or crack up. Mhmm. God help
us if the number 69 is involved.
Podcast listeners who might have listened to the
intro. I don't know how many people skipped
the intro. The the intro to the podcast
episode is always
random.
It is always silly.
Not really on purpose, but that's how it
goes. So if you ever skipped it, you
need to go back and listen. But like
this particular episode, the episode number is four
sixty nine. We both fucking cracked up. Because
we're 12. Okay?
And it's more fun that we both crack
up about it. It's more fun that,
we find some of the same things silly
and funny. We don't find all of the
same things silly and funny? Nope. JB will
tell the dumbest pun I've ever fucking heard
in my life. He cracks himself up and
I think that's wonderful. I just have one
eyebrow that just goes up and I'm like,
Spock brow.
Okay.
But I don't yuck his fucking yum either.
I'm just he knows I think personally, you
find it hilarious that I'm looking at you
in total judgment,
personally.
Personally. I think that's part of the, like,
joke you have with yourself. Yeah. Like, how
annoyed can I get her? How stupid can
this be?
Where she just like, her brain explodes. How
quick can we go from zero to 60?
And he tries to say he's not a
ratty daddy. Whatever.
Okay. The next one. This one is for
all successful relationships, but they put it under
friendship, so that's fine. Encourages healthy communication. Friends
tend to communicate openly and honestly
without the fear of damaging the relationship. Let
us be clear.
Good friends,
people who are,
you know, they're actually trying to be your
friend. They're
not the the fakes, not the frenemies,
not the not the people who come into
your life because they need something and then
vanish when you need something. That's not who
we're talking about.
Genuine true friendships that are that go below
surface level, right? Like, I always say it's,
you know,
I know you're my friend and I know
I'm your friend if we can call each
other on our bullshit.
Kindly with love, probably with a lot of
sarcasm,
you f f bombs thrown in, but, like,
tell me I'm a dumbass with love. And
if we have developed that friendship and, you
know, we understand that we're that kind of
then I can accept it. I don't have
to like it. I might tell you to
shut the fuck up, but I'll still love
you at the end now. I don't get
to tell JB to shut the fuck up.
I'm not trying to stand in the corner.
Corner. And that is where power exchange does
change the nature of these things. The right
lines.
We can say anything we need to to
one another. We did not start out that
way. We had to build up to it
like every just like most of the time,
not all the time,
your friends, you don't usually
start out by telling them your whole life
story. I do have one of those faces.
JB has one of those faces. Total strangers
will tell us their whole life story.
I don't know why. I don't know how.
Most of the time, people build up to
that stuff. But in power exchange,
how you call your partner on their bullshit
will probably be determined to buy your power
exchange.
I I can. I have the total freedom
as long as I do it respectfully, to
tell JB if I think he's wrong. That's
true. I don't get to be a brat.
I don't get to throw a tantrum. I'm
not there's no name calling. There's none of
that bullshit.
But if I go there have been times
you've tried to dom me at the time
that Yeah. It was not appropriate. You were
just
heated and you went with it. And I
was able to go, no.
That's not okay.
Just like,
you know, when I think back to some
of my closest friends that I wasn't in
any other kind of relationship with, I could
do something of that same energy with them.
You know? Because the close true, like, deep
friendships
can usually can often survive a little bit
of that,
friction.
Not betrayal level friction, not bullshit level friction,
but, like, I I think you're wrong, and
I think you're causing yourself problems here and
there. You know, I love you and I
support you and I wanna be here, but
also what the fuck are you you doing?
Why do why why do you why does
that keep happening? Right? Those kinds of
it's just, again, in power exchange,
your dynamic will necessitate how those conversations happen.
That's all I'm saying. And I would say
as subs, if if you're like, yeah, my
dom can call me on my bullshit. Okay.
But them calling you on your bullshit should
not make you feel lesser than, should not
make you feel put down, should not make
you feel -Yeah. -bad about yourself. It it
can be brutally honest and it can be
hard to hear brutal honesty
when we are really fucking up ourselves.
But there should still be
kindness and respect and
if this is a type of relationship, you
have love behind it. Right? You should still
know that this person values you as a
human while they are telling you how you
have done fucked up and you need to
fix yourself. Right?
So
Okay. Friendship fosters mutual growth and support. Friends
celebrate each other's successes and provide a steady
hand during setbacks. Setbacks.
I'm sure there are people screaming, but that's
what happens in long term relationships
too. Yeah. That's right. Because you're friends. Yeah.
You're
you're friends. If it's happening in your relationship,
then you've already checked the box that, yeah,
we're we're friends.
Because I think of the besties I've had
in life, of course I celebrated
with them, and I consoled them when things
went to shit. And vice versa, the day
I decided
finally decided I needed to get a divorce,
I was sitting on my my BFF's couch
three hours away from home. I was like,
I gotta go see my bestie for the
weekend because I had to get my head
on straight and clear
clear my mind.
And,
you know, she was there
for me going
the conversation was very roller
like, I don't know. I think I need
to try and make it work all these
years. And I said
I made a vow. Blah blah blah blah
blah blah. And then I talked my way
through all and then by the end I
was crying but I was like, I can't
do this anymore. And she went,
I'm here for you. Whatever you need. And
then later she was like, the whole everybody
you know has been waiting for you to
get here. We're so happy you're here now.
Oh my god. And I promise you JB
and I have those
types of conversations. Right?
A family member
is
messing with us.
A a business thing or a personal goal
is not going the way we want, or
it is and we're celebrating. JB celebrates me
better than I celebrate me. I don't know
how to celebrate
me. I'm like, okay. I got that done.
On to the next. And JB's like, no.
No. No. No. No. No. Like, you just
built a website. I think we can take
a minute and go, look at you. You
built a website. I'm like, no. No. No.
Just move on to the next one.
Oh, come on. Sheesh. And yet likewise, I'm
gonna be JB's biggest fucking cheerleader because I
am genuinely proud of him when he gets
shit
done that he wants to do or he
accomplishes something he didn't think he could do
or God
damn it when he doesn't believe in himself
as much as I believe in him. I
get very annoyed at him during this. You
do. You do. She does.
She does. She does.
Okay. And then friendship,
within a long term relationship
provides a sense of security. At its core,
friendship is about being there for one another.
Yeah. And I think a lot of these
previous
things in this list kind of sum that
up. And in power exchange,
if we're talking about long term relationships or
you're trying to build something
into the future with one another and I
don't I'm not gonna automatically always say marriage.
Not everybody wants to get married even if
you live like you're married. Right? Like, there's
all these ways that your power exchange can
be configured. Mhmm.
But, you know,
at the end of the day, I really
think to a certain extent that's what a
power exchange is anyway.
The parameters of being there for each other
are very unique to the dynamic. Right? You
know, the dom is going to control or
lead or be in charge or have some
level of power,
both because they want it and enjoy it,
but also because that's what the submissive wants
from them as well. And maybe they're guiding
their submissive to, you know,
be the version of themselves they're trying to
get to. Maybe the submissive is serving in
order to help and and, you know,
support their dominant and it's very much in
line with the power exchange. Well,
if you
I know everybody
thinks about these things differently and and looks
at these things differently, but quite frankly I
don't see how you can
be there for each other as dom sup
if you don't
and that level of support if you don't
also
want to support them as the human being
they are because that's a facet of your
humanity, your dominance, your subness, your switchiness, whatever
whatever.
So
I know it's done, but I cannot for
myself ever imagine doing that with somebody that
I don't don't again, let me go back
to what I keep saying. Like as a
human being first.
Like, if I don't wanna have lunch with
you,
I don't want to take my clothes off
for you. I know not everybody feels that
way. But when I'm thinking long term,
yeah. At the at minimum, I should be
able to sit down at a restaurant and
eat with you and enjoy being in your
presence before we can do all this power
exchange stuff.
Yeah. Okay. Now
that's what you like, that's what friendship does
for your relationship. And I think most of
that stuff sounds like this is what
a healthy relationship looks like. We're just calling
it friendship
because they're both the same. I think the
healthiest relationships
are based on friendship
on some level. Right? That doesn't mean you
don't have other friends. It doesn't mean you
don't have besties that you go, like, let
me vent off the stuff that maybe I
don't I'm not talking to my dom about
or I'm talking to myself about or whatever.
That's fine.
But yeah. There's still a core base of
friendship.
Now how to strengthen your friendship?
Because and this is where
I
know
that without the strong friendship,
the past six years would have been worse
than they were. Yeah. Oh, yes. Absolutely.
The past six years,
we have complained about them for the past
six years. They were very, very hard, both
in the stuff we did share and then
in the stuff we didn't share. Right.
I'm pretty sure folks think that because I'm
an oversharer
that we tell you everything. We do not.
No. There are many things we keep to
ourselves. Mhmm. But then still have to come,
like, to the microphone and the Internet and
go, hi. We're here. Let's do this thing.
And so
it's been tough. Right? Mhmm.
The thing I think I think is accurate,
even with my poor memory,
is at no point in
that the difficult times
did we not want to be together. Correct.
The the relationship was never the thing that
was difficult.
I think it saved us.
I think it saved us. I think
that if we were not best friends,
nothing else could have survived because, as we've
talked about in the past, our power exchange
went on autopilot,
and it was bare
minimum.
It was like
what is that? And all of those, like,
outer space shows where
the spaceship goes down to, like, bare minimum
power to just, like, keep the oxygen on?
And then, like, it's you're not even moving
through space other than that the infiniteness
of space is moving you along, like, around
that. But, like, you're not going anywhere, but
the oxygen is still working and you're not
dead yet. Right? Like, that power level. That
is what our power exchange was on. And
if we didn't have a podcast
about power exchange, it might not have even
been on that. Okay?
If you would like to keep a power
exchange going through the hardest times, I I
recommend starting a podcast where your whole job
is to talk about power exchange.
It helps.
Because there was a lot coming at us
from the outside
that we did not control. We just had
to react to shit. We couldn't get ahead
of any of it. We were just like,
oh, there's another thing and another thing. -And
now look, there's another. -And yet at night
when we could finally just like, okay, we
can put this day down, we should be
done, we could still giggle with one another.
We snapped at one another more.
There were more hurt feelings than usual.
But always always always we could talk about
a hard thing together. We could laugh together.
We would support each other because even in
hard times, life is still happening. So you're
still doing shit and having good stuff happen.
It's just being outweighed by everything else. And
so we were still celebrating each other's successes.
Because that's my best friend,
who is also my daddy dom. So if
you're like, okay. Maybe that's a that's part
of the reason I've been struggling in my
relationship because our friendship is not as strong
as it could be. Here are some ideas.
These are not all of them, they're just
from the resources I came across. But how
to strengthen your friendship.
Be curious about each other and learn about
each other.
That's a lot of asking open ended questions
or saying things like, tell me more about
blah blah blah. Right? The how was your
day
is a tried and true.
If you are like me and have a
partner who will give you one word answers
that are not helpful,
Your job is to get better at asking
even more questions. To the point where you
might sound a little invasive.
Because I'd be like, how was it out
in the shop today? It was good.
Okay. I'm gonna need more than that.
What did you work on today? Oh, I
worked on this. Okay. Well, how did that
like,
I know this man feels like he's being
interrogated.
But it's because he is
I am the wordy one. You can ask
me if I'm in the right mood. A
basic question. You'll get way more information than
you were actually looking for. I have to
give you all the context and all the
trains of thought and how I got here
and what this means for tomorrow and you'll
know more than you wanna know but you
know what? You'll know about me. This man
gives fine as an answer. That's not an
answer that tells me nothing. Now I have
questions.
But he lets me ask those questions. He
does not shut me down. So if you
were that type of person where you're like,
I don't know how to tell and you've
got a partner who's like, well I'll ask
questions.
As long as,
like, it's not like a problematic thing. Let
them ask their questions. Let them draw you
out. But it's not all about
the questions and the talking. Mhmm.
Because
a lot of times it's about observing.
Oh. For sure. Right? For sure. For sure.
That's how I find the best way to
get this one gifts.
You do pay attention. Because I pay attention
to when we're out shopping and think of
you.
Excuse me.
What words are hard for you? I had
a hiccup there or something.
But, you know, I pay attention when we're
out shopping to the things that she
is attracted to, that she likes. Mhmm. But
you're all you also just pay attention to
me in general. You
to to the extent that our poor, poor
old people memories will allow.
You remember shit that I've said. You remember
conversations.
Mhmm. You will remember that I mentioned two
weeks ago that I might wanna watch this
movie, and I will have forgotten we've had
the conversation but this man's like hey, you
wanted to watch this movie, why don't we
do that tonight? Right? Because he's paying attention
to me and I did not know
how much I needed that until I finally
had that. I'd been in all kinds of
relationships, I'd been in all kinds of friendships
where I am a very observant partner and
friend.
If, you know, if I like you well
enough to be that fucking close to you,
I'm paying attention.
And I had never really had it reciprocated.
If I wanted something, my job was to
say very explicitly
this is what I want, this is what
I need, and I wasn't good at that.
Now some people are not
good natural observers of each other. Mhmm. I
think if you are in any flavor of
relationship that you want to make a long
term relationship, you want this to be last,
I think you train yourself how to be
a good observer. The examples I've seen online
that I don't do because I will then
forget I ever did it, but some people
do and really works for them, is when
their partner says I like a thing, this
is what I liked, or they they notice
every time you go to this restaurant, that's
what they order, this is the kind of
food they like, this is the color They
literally have a note in their notes app
on their phone and they just track the
fucking information.
I saw one person who was like every
time my partner says, oh, I'd like to
buy myself that,' and then they don't,
they make a note of it in, like,
a thing so that they don't have to
try and remember their observations. They have a
thing to go back to,
noting that they made the observation in real
time and now it doesn't have to clog
up their brain, they don't have to try
and remember it, but it's there for them
when they need it for the occasion, whatever
the occasion is.
Cheering their partner up, having something to do,
planning a date night, like whatever whatever whatever.
In kink terms and power exchange terms, your
your note, your list of observations might not
be specific to she really likes lime in
her diet coke and her favorite color is
purple. It might be
they like when I hit with this toy
in this way
at this speed. They real this this is
the reaction I got. Right? You're not relying
on a faulty memory. You're observing it in
the moment and finding time to jot it
down somewhere.
They really like when I use that toy.
They really like when we did this scene.
Right? You are observing them and you are
taking note so that you can use that
information
later.
Can't speak for everybody? I'm not gonna try.
But when JB remembers shit that I can't
even remember for myself or I have disregarded
for myself, I'm like, I liked it, but
whatever whatever, moved on to other things, I
I not only feel seen, I feel very
special. That is a time when I feel
very loved because I'm like, oh my god,
he cared enough
to fucking remember it. Well, just like around
the holidays,
guaguas had the, lime Diet Coke o'clock. Diet
Coke.
And you were just all over that shit.
I was like, we're going to Guaguas. Every
time I gotta go somewhere, it's Guaguas. I
wanna go to Guaguas. Now never mind I
can get cheaper drinks elsewhere. I could not
get Diet Coke alone anywhere else. So,
you know, she was hoping that it was
something that was gonna stick around,
and it didn't. I saw it.
And, next time we went to the grocery
store, I bought a thing of
lime juice for you. I know. I've been
putting it in my diet coke ever since.
I'll be very sad when it's gone because
will I remember to get myself lime juice?
No. I will not. I'm okay if my
daddy dom who takes care of me keeps
me in lime juice though. That is a
nice power exchange y kind of thing.
I don't have to remember and I don't
have have to take care of myself because
we have the dynamic that as long as
he's thinking about it and deems it important
enough, he will keep making it happen. And
I get to feel very special and also
relieved that I don't have to try and
remember
And I have this thing that I really
like.
The next one is do things you both
enjoy together.
Mhmm. You have already knocked this out of
the park in mutual kinks. I don't think
that's where you stop, but I think that's
a good starting point. If you're like, we
don't like any of the same things. Honey,
you're in a power exchange. You clearly like
some of the same things.
And I think if you wanna focus on
your kink, one way to do more together
is to maybe explore mutual
kinks. Like kinks you're both interested in. Right?
That's one way to to keep it within
your power exchange. But y'all get outside the
power exchange. If the only thing you have
in common is power exchange and nothing else,
that's not necessarily a bad thing, but it
is a place where you can create extra
connection.
What would you what would you both like
to do outside of that?
Sometimes it's movies. Sometimes it's games. It's puzzles.
It's going certain places. Sometimes it's learning something
new together.
It's going. What do we do together? Doing
antiquing, thrifting.
You know, I would I would not do
that without you. And I prior to you
getting me to go, I was like, that's
not my thing. And then the first time,
I was like, I am looking for this
obscure thing. I probably won't find it. And
then I found it. I was like, okay.
I guess I guess we're doing this. Mhmm.
I guess we're doing this. Now I don't
like it as much as you do,
but because I don't dislike it
and we are each really bad at at
remembering, oh, we should go do things we
like. I will suggest it because I know
he likes like, I'm willing to do it.
It's not my favorite thing, but I'll do
it with him and I enjoy doing it
with him. We haven't gone in a while.
Hey. What do you think if we do
that this weekend? Mhmm. JB also likewise has
to has to wait for, is it a
time I can handle the sights, the smells,
the people, the
the feeling closed in? And so
thankfully,
he is kind enough to kind of let
me indicate, hey. I can do that. Or
if he asks, would you like to go
do this this weekend? I don't feel like
I'm letting him down when I'm like, nope.
I can't handle that, you know, this week.
Let's try another time. So what I try
to do, because it's a thing he likes
that I'm happy to do with him, is
when I know I can handle it or
I can at least plan enough in advance
that no matter what I can handle it,
I will suggest it so that he knows
that I'm I'm willing to do it. I'm
I'm mentioning it because, yes, let's let's go
do it together. You don't have to worry
that I'm gonna, like, not want to go
or whatever.
What other things do we both enjoy that
are not kink related or business related that
can't be
it can't be those things.
I know. We like to watch certain shows
movies. We do. We we do watch a
a number of shows. Mhmm.
Especially
lately,
we've,
you know, come that we are regularly watching
and looking forward to coming back in another
week or so. I know. And we we
are also waiting for certain entire,
seasons to drop because we don't wanna do
the week to week. Like The Pit, we
both wanna watch The Pit, second season. I'm
a wait till all the Same. At least
nearly all the episodes are out. Mhmm.
Bridgerton, The Gilded Age. Yeah. We have gotten
each other into shows that I think on
our own we would not have watched. I
would not watch a lot of sci fi
or comic book or superhero or whatever stuff.
He would not watch a lot of period
dramas if I wasn't over here going, I
would like to watch this.
Now this one I think for some people
seems counterintuitive,
but I 100% agree of how to strengthen
your friendship.
Support each other's separate interests. You should, even
if it's a small thing, have individual interests
that are not directly connected to
each
other. That is how you kind of like
remember that you
are a whole ass person on your own.
You
have your own thing and also it gives
you something to like talk about that's
maybe new and exciting, that's fun, that lights
you up because you got to do this
thing you really like. JB is better at
this than I am.
And JB has a whole bunch of interests,
and he does things with them. I am
supportive of all of those things. You've got,
your record collection. Mhmm. You've got gaming.
Yep.
You go to the Humane Society to volunteer.
That started as a thing with the youngest,
and it I came to find out that
I liked it, and I
just do it on my own sometimes. It
used to be that you were the social
butterfly in the kink community, and I stayed
home. Now he stays home. I do, like,
try to nudge, but that's not that's up
to him when he wants to go and
do that again. There was something else I
was thinking of that you do
without
me that's your own separate interests. Puzzles?
Yeah. I'll do a puzzle. I have to
be in the right mood for a puzzle.
Because what happens is I'll start working on
it and I'll get focused and cool. And
then when I'm done, I it's like it
doesn't exist anymore and it's hard to come
back to. So if I can't finish it,
like, in one setting setting, I'm like, I'm
done now. But then again, you have your
cross stitch. Which I have not done in
ages because of my eyesight.
We both read. Yes.
We read similar genres and vastly different genres.
Mhmm. My I don't I didn't know it
was gonna be one of my favorites.
My
I don't I didn't know it was gonna
be one of my favorite things, but one
of my favorite things is to try to
explain some of this unhinged smut that I
read. Not, like,
inanimate objects that are really people that are
you're somehow fucking a fork. That's not what
what I'm talking about. I'm that's not my
genre. I I'm not interested. But, like, trying
to explain how this society does this thing
or this mafia wannabe group is handling the
and he's just looking at me like you're
reading. And and and then you go and
then you gotta watch out for those
damn den of vipers. Oh my god. If
someone will remind me, I will bitch about
that book in the bonus section. Holy shit.
I was so mad.
It was my first did not finish of
2027
because I just couldn't make myself. Anyways,
so Excuse me. We both read. We read
at completely different rates. We have some crossover
of genre, but not a lot.
So when we're reading different books JB is
not really like this. He he reads for
his reasons. I read for my reasons, but
that's my best friend. And he's the one
I talk to about the crazy shit I
read, so I will word vomit all over
him on some of the crazy shit I
read. And he indulges me.
I do feel like in those moments, that's
very much a daddy
dom thing of, oh, look at my crazy
baby girl.
She's so excited. I'll just let her keep
going.
Okay. And then the the last one on
this list of how to strengthen your friendship,
by the way, we're so wordy. I'll go
through these real again real quick.
Express gratitude.
We have been talking about gratitude since early
days. That to me is a hallmark of
all power exchange.
Express gratitude. I
I have I do a thing. It kind
of drives you nuts a little bit.
Because, you know,
she is my beautiful assistant when when we
do stuff around the house or or anything
and I always thank her for it.
I always thank I know. I give him
the weirdest looks. And and and you give
the you you're like a shrunken violet when
I do that. You just kinda
Yeah. I'm very uncomfortable by being thanked for
a thing I was already gonna do.
But I am. I know. I know.
Yeah. And yet when I tell when I
say thank you to you
You're welcome.
Yes. But in the beginning I am. You
did not understand
what was happening to you.
Yeah.
Along with express gratitude and I know this
goes back to friendship, but we're gonna speak
specifically to power exchange.
Subs to Doms, and this includes when you're
switching. So like if to the person who
did the Dom thing. Maybe they topped you
in a scene or they, you know, they
did a thing they've never done before,
but they knew because you wanted it or
you liked it or it was pushing their
own, like I don't wanna say limits, like
hard limits, but pushing themselves to, like, try
new things. Jimmy's done that with me a
few times now, and I try to make
sure,
as soon as I'm coherent again, that I
thank him for that. Because I know I
I asked asked him to do a thing
he probably would not have done otherwise if
I had not wanted it.
And I need him to know actually this
was a good thing and I enjoyed myself
and I appreciate you for doing that. That's
more power exchange less friendship, but it's still
gratitude. Right? It's,
I often say this for,
you know, to help new doms grow in
their confidence, but this is true of all
doms at all comp at all experience levels.
Hearing
a genuine, like, that was good. I appreciate
you doing that for me. You did a
good job
can can be very helpful and meaningful
to a dom who's like, I just did
something that's technically a crime.
Is this okay?
For for a sub to go, yes, actually,
please. Please and thank you. Do that more
often. I enjoy that.
I think it's helpful. Not just for friendship
but, like, for confidence.
So real quick, how to strengthen your friendship.
Be curious about each other and learn about
each other. Do things you both enjoy together.
Support each other's separate interests, which means the
context there is have separate interests. There's nothing
wrong with that. Please have them. And then
express gratitude.
Now
this is not specific to friendship
because it's really about how to keep your
relationship whole and healthy and whatever. But if
having a whole and healthy relationship is predicated
in part on being friends, I think this
con this is part of it. And it
is this concept
called Bids for Connection.
The first time I heard it was from
TherapyJef. This particular reel,
is linked in the places.
But I've heard it in multiple places since
because it is something from the Gottman Institute
again
that,
they say the biggest
predictor
of will a relationship
last or will it
end and it and be very sad for
everybody
is how both partners handle
what are known as bids for connection. Now
my interpretation of this based on the way
therapy Jeff specifically,
explained it was to me bids for connection
are both ways to,
as the term
makes clear, connect with one another. But doing
these things is also about building on that
friendship.
Okay? Because it's not about the big things.
It's not about the kinky things, the sexual
things. It's about these small moments
that if you weren't in a relationship and
you were doing this with somebody else, you'd
do this with your friend and go, hey,
look at this. Hey, let's talk about this.
Okay? So a bid for connection is any
time a partner tries to get your attention,
affection, or interest. It is those moments where
like, oh, look at this cool thing or
oh, let me tell you about this moment
I had. When I
say to JB, oh my god, let me
tell you about this crazy shit that happened
in this book,
me doing that is making a bid for
connection. And every time he goes, okay. What
the hell happened this time? And he gets
all into it. That is him,
engaging in that bid for connection.
What can happen
over time in relationships
is if you there's three ways to handle
a bit of a connection. There's engage,
ignore,
or get irritated and and come at that
bit of a connection with irritation.
When and when you engage
more often than anything else, when that is
what you do a majority of the time,
the relationship has a better chance of
lasting. It's a healthier relationship.
Because
connection and friendship are just kind of the
same thing.
It's,
friendship
plus
the relation the power exchange and then depending
on whether it's a romantic or a sexual
relationship, all of those things like add on
to it. But to connect to somebody is
to see them as a fellow human that
you like being around and so therefore they
are your friend. Right?
So three options: engage, ignore, irritation.
Engaging
it's important. Therapy, Jeff said. Even when you're
busy,
even when you think the thing they're trying
to to show you, tell you about,
whatever is silly,
stupid,
you would never have cared or paid attention.
When you engage with them, when they
you know, he even said it could be
your partner staring out the window and sighing.
Right? That you are aware of.
That is a a bid for connection.
I can I used to deny this as
a kid because I didn't want to be
called out on it, but I've done this
my whole life? To the point that poor
JB asks me now, and I'm like, actually
no, I was just breathing that time.
When I was younger, if I wanted attention
I would sigh. It'd be of such a
pitiful mournful sigh. Of course my parents ignored
me.
And there's a conversation to be had about
using your words versus whatever, but that
body language and that noise you might make
to say, are are you paying attention for
me?
In my baby girl moments, beginning days of
the relationship, I probably did some of that.
It was before I had the strength to,
like, just say the fucking thing, I fell
back on old habits. I know I did.
And it can sometimes be cutesy in our
dynamic because JB's like, well, I know what
the hell that sound means. I know what
you're doing.
These days, JB is so attuned to me
sighing that I really am just going, oh
shit. I forgot to breathe there for a
second.' And I take a deep breath and
he's like, 'Are
you okay?' And I'm like, 'Actually, no. I'm
fine. I was just breathing.'
But he's paying attention. He thinks that's a
bid for connection,
so he engages and I have to be
like, oh, no. Nope. Just breathe in. Just
breathe in. We're good.
I think it's okay to have false starts
because you know what that tells me? It
tells me he's fucking paying attention. Paying attention
to me. Anymore, I just when I hear
those sighs, I
I look and I watch.
I don't ask anymore. No. You a couple
days ago you did. I do sometimes. It
must be deep sighs, but I really do
sometimes find myself, I guess, I'm holding my
breath or I wasn't breathing deeply enough and
then I'm like
I'm just trying to clear the air out.
That's all I did.
It's all good.
Forgot there for a second.
But, yeah, when you when you engage, you
tell your partner, I see you. I care.
I'm here. That's direct quote from therapy, Jeff.
Like, you're
you are reinforcing
the connection. You're letting your partner know,
yeah, you can
you and I have we have a connection,
and I'm reinforcing it on my side as
you are reaching for that connection on your
side.
I think
I think a lot of times in long
term relationships
of any flavor, but let's be clear here,
we're talking about power exchange,
because you and I have this this happen
to us. You feel disconnected.
There's been a lot going on in life.
There's been a lot of stressors. There's been
health stuff. There's been money stuff. There's been
parenting stuff. There's been, like, whatever whatever. Pick
a thing. There's been a lot. Right? And
it's chaos, and you can't, like, get a
grip on anything. And your power exchange has
been, like, for shit because who the fuck
has time and energy for that? And you
look at your partner and you're like, I
fucking yeah. I sleep next to them every
night or I see them every day, but
I miss them. Like I don't feel connected
to
them.' And
in retrospect, understanding this concept, I'm like oh,
all those times that I have said to
JB or he's come to me, like there's
there's a disconnect.' It's because we did not
have any of these small moments.
Everything got in the way, and so we're
just focusing on what has to be done,
you know, what our responsibilities
are, the thing coming at us that we
have to react to, and there's no turning
to another and going oh my gosh, let
me tell you about this crazy thing. Bids
for connection are as silly and as stupid
as oh my god let me talk about
the fucking traffic on the way home from
the grocery store. That is a bid for
connection. Yeah and I I think
as humans
you know,
we desire a connection, we desire to be
seen, and and obviously to be heard. Absolutely.
And if you can't be seen and heard
and known and understood
by a person that you are in a
long term committed relationship with, who the fuck
can you be seen and heard by? You
know?
Like, yes, I think I'm not good at
this.
I don't think you necessarily have to be
good at this, but I do think there's
some,
value to having friends outside of your dynamic,
like having connections outside of your dynamic.
That man's my bestie, but I know that
it's not a bad thing to have other
friends. Your partner might be
a BFF or one of your BFFs and
you might have other people, and that's good.
And you can get bids for connection with
your friend group, with your platonic friend group,
but
at the at the heart of it if
this is if this is a long term
relationship, especially the kind where you live together,
you're building a life together, you're trying to
like be together for as long as the
universe will allow you to be,
then
if nobody else can give you that that
little bit of connection, your partner sure as
shit
should. That does not mean it's always easy.
We get stuck in our own heads. Once
I learned about this concept, I started noticing.
JB would and I can't give you examples
because they're really small things. I don't catalog
them in my head, but he would make
a statement like oh look at this or
oh, did I tell you about'
and
I started noticing when I
did one of those 'mhmm' and didn't engage.
Like I acknowledged you spoke to me, but
I didn't turn with any curiosity
or
say anything to truly acknowledge. And not in
a disrespectful way that's not really
okay in most power exchange relationships. Like not
that, but just sort of a I'm over
here busy and I'm gonna acknowledge that you
spoke. I'm not gonna be rude, but I'm
not
engaging with you. Right? Once I noticed once
I understood this concept and I started paying
attention,
that was how I think I
was able to change my behavior. Because I'm
really good for seeking the connection. I got
so much shit to tell you, and I
can't wait to tell you.
You
don't
eng you don't
I I am I am different. You
it's really I engage in spurts. Yes. You
are not consistent all the time like I
am. No. And what happens, and I think
this sucks, and this is, you know, on
me as your partner and on other partners
who have somebody like JB,
the quiet ones get fucking forgotten. They get
disregarded
because you're not speaking up all the time.
People aren't,
like, listening for you and waiting for you.
They don't know what's coming. You know I'm
coming. You can hear me coming. Okay?
In every way you want to take that,
as JB Cleary said.
That's what she said.
But
that so
because you're not doing it all of the
time,
I had to teach myself to
stop what I was doing and not let
myself
stay so focused on my thing that I
that I unintentionally
ignored your bid for connection. Because that is
how you fuck up a friendship, and it's
how you fuck up a
relationship. If a
person feels like they they are never heard
when they're trying to show you a silly
little thing or tell you a silly little
thing or just share an observation or whatever,
then they're not gonna keep doing it. Eventually
you stop. You go, oh, well they don't
want to know anyway.
And I don't think I was doing it
a lot before I heard about this concept,
but I became aware of when it did
happen. And I was like, yeah. That's not
cool.
That's not cool. And so then yeah. What,
Derpy Jeff
said, and he is basing this on, you
know, the Gottman Institute on the Gottmans and
all that, but what he said was
when you engage in these bids for connection,
you create trust, connection, and resilience in your
relationship.
And the reason I pulled this out as
part of the friendship conversation is because
how many of us have these friends that
we text or we call or whoever and
go oh my god, I've got to tell
you this crazy thing or oh my god,
let me tell you about my day or
oh my god, look at this meme I
found. Oh my god, watch this real We
do it with our friends, we do it
with our partners and the the thing is
still the same. It's a bid for connection.
It's a hey, remember me? I'm here. I
want to share this thing that's meaningful or
not meaningful. This thing that caught my attention.
I want to connect you. And
the the things we're doing might have slightly
different outcomes.
A bestie versus, you know, long term power
exchange where you're trying to like be your
best kinky self for however many years the
universe will let you. You know what I
mean?
The actions are still the same.
And I think for anybody who's like, god,
I've been feeling,
you know, I love my partner.
They're one of my best friends. I want
this power exchange. I want this relationship,
but I'm feeling disconnected. There's lots of reasons
for it, but I would start with
are y'all
engaging with each other with those small things?
Just the small thing. It's not doesn't always
have to be a big sit down and
talk over coffee for two hours about the
state of your relationship. It can be. Those
are important too.
But the thing that gets you through and
I think that was
I didn't wasn't thinking of it in terms
of a bid for connection, but all those
times I find us laughing at, like, y'all,
y'all.
Last night, again, I don't remember what the
context was. I do know JB was trying
to go to the bathroom and I was
trying
to get undressed.
And I am half dressed and he's taking
a piss and we are giggling.
I don't even remember who said what first.
I think it was JB said something.
Made,
like, some Or I was watching you from
I don't know. Our inner teenagers
just
giggled, and we were just busting out laughing
together.
The moment's kind kind of forgotten five minutes
later. Like I said, could not tell you
what it was about now,
but that shared laughter, that shared moment of
silliness and joy That lingers. It lingers. Right.
And it
creates this sense of safety. Right? I can
be silly with him. He will probably laugh
with me. We do laugh at one another.
But sometimes
individually we are fucking ridiculous. She loves laughing
at me, I think. You know what it
is? It's the power thing.
You
are the
relatively
patient,
consistent,
controlled
dom. Mhmm. Sometimes sadistic, sometimes more caregiving.
You are in charge. I defer to you.
True.
As soon as I gotta tweak your nose,
if you're a little silly, if you're a
little ridiculous. And never in, a degrading way.
Never in a a way to put him
down because that's not his kink, and I
don't wanna top for that. Thank you very
much.
But always in a sort of tweak your
nose kinda way like, oh, oh, you're the
big bad daddy dom, but see this moment.
It, brings me much joy. That's all I'm
saying. If it hurt his feelings, I would
not do it
because that's not a bid for connection. That
is how you disconnect, to do things Mhmm.
To make jokes about or to draw attention
to something and it causes your partner harm
or pain or whatever. No. We
Yeah. But and yet,
for us, we can
go back and forth like that. Because we
know each other. And we know each other's
limits. We know
we can still screw it up and accidentally
hurt each other's feelings, but we are also
safe enough to go, that hurt my feelings.
I didn't like that. Now that is usually
me whining. No. You hurt my feelings, daddy.
I did not like that.
I probably play it two things. I play
it a little safer because I have to
I have to ride the line between
respect and disrespect
within our power exchange,
but also your feelings don't get hurt quite
as easily as my new your feelings still
get hurt. Yeah. It's not to say they
don't, but I can sometimes be hypersensitive to
stuff. Thank you. Childhood trauma.
So, yeah, I would say for whether the
friendship is strong or not, if anything about
your power exchange is you're going, oh my
god. I feel disconnected.
Something's not assuming all else is basically good.
Right? You trust each other. There's no, like,
cheating stuff, infidelity, like, however you wanna define
that. Right? Or term that.
You're both faithful to the relationship and the
thing you negotiated. Right?
You know, see see if it's that you're
ignoring the small
like, it is
I think
the one of them could be me agreeing
to go to an to the thrift store
with you when that is not a thing
I would normally do.
You know? You would have been fine, because
I think it happened a few times before
where you were like, would you like to
go? And I was like, no thank you.
No thank you. Mhmm.
And then the day I was like, yeah,
sure. I'll go with one, we found a
thing that we like to do together. We
don't have to do it together. He you
know, I'm perfectly fine if he goes off
by himself and does it.
But I think that was maybe a slightly
larger bid for connection, because I we had
the conversation, but I was Because I We
had the conversation, but I was able to
go, no thanks. So it wasn't ignoring or
irritation, it was just not
You know what we need to do again?
Uh-oh. What?
That we said we would do when the
weather got cooler? There's so many things we
always say we're gonna do when the weather
gets cooler. The the oddities market.
Oh, yeah.
We went to it. Right? Yeah. Okay. Okay.
We didn't stay long because it was warm.
It's still hot. It was still hot. Even
though even though it was like
08:00 at night. Yeah. Once I got hot
and sticky, I didn't wanna be out there
now. And it was still, like,
humid.
So for anybody who has noticed this whole
conversation, we've actually
it friendship is to make your power exchange,
like long term like last and,
you know, be as good as it can
be. Right? Nothing about that is specific to
power exchange.
None of it. The things you might consider
are
how much, you know, if you're looking for
bids of connection or you're looking for something
that you share, then of course kink. And
how you speak to one another will be
determined by your dynamic, right? Like what you've
negotiated.
But the rest of it is just human
stuff. It's not kinky specifically.
You can
all of this
is applicable to any relationship you have with
somebody.
And let me be very clear. Although all
the articles like to talk about marriage and
there's an expectation that all marriages will be
romantic and sexual,
None of this is specific to romantic relationships,
sexual relationships. None of it. Okay? Because
this is about how we treat each other
as humans regardless of
individual wants, needs, or
munch, and you're not dating them, you're not
fucking on me, but you find that they're
your friend. Right?
So
just keep that in mind. It's this is
not about a specific way to be in
a relationship or type of relationship or even
flavor, even though we talk about about it
in terms of power exchange.
Because I genuinely genuinely believe
our power exchange and relationship in general would
have been a lot harder over the past
five to six years if it had not
been
for the friendship
that's at the the base of it. Right?
We like each other as people, but also
we'll say say tell the other when we
don't like what they did. Right? We can
have those conversations. Well, even after we had
gotten together, you know, when we first met,
we even talked about it. How, you know,
the way
we have our relationship,
even if even if DS went away
Right. You know, we'd still be friends and
have
a relationship. I know. It makes me sad
to think of us being in a relationship
without power exchange. Yeah. However, yes, I want
to be around you because I like you.
We make each other laugh. We call each
other in our bullshit. We can plan together
and and work together. And I don't just
mean work, like, business wise, but, like, we
can come up with a plan for what
we wanna do with the house and then
execute that plan together. Like, we can Mhmm.
We can interact. We interact that way. And
also let's go sit down and, like, have
lunch together. You you and I you and
I renovated a condo together. And we still
stayed together after that. Yep. I was actually
very proud of that renovation. I was sad
when we had to leave it. I know.
Because we cannot do that level of work
at at this stage of life and in
this house. No. I I I am I
am kind of at a point where,
you know, she chuckled yesterday
because I
We've got to get a new backdoor for
this office where we record. Anybody who watches
the video sees the light fluctuate.
We know, believe me. Yeah.
Part of part of it is we need
a new door. There's a specific kind of
door we want to get. Okay, great. We
went to Lowe's to get the price for
the door. We're like, if we get it
from Lowe's, we'll get them to install it.
We know there's a cost.
The they couldn't give us an exact price
quote. We'll get that when the guy comes
tomorrow to measure
the door to make sure we JB knows
how to measure shit because don't ask me.
Anyway.
But the price to install the door
will likely cost more than the door. Or
equal to.
But probably more.
And
she explained this to us in the store
and I went
okay. And I'm trying to keep, like, my
game face on. I'm like, okay. Do not
act like this is freaking you out. And
I turn to JB and I figure he's
gonna go, okay, we're gonna keep looking elsewhere.
And I go, JB, did you hear? He
goes, yeah. Okay. And I'm looking at him
and I'm not gonna say anything in front
of this person who's just doing her job.
She does not need to hear all our
business.
So she walks away, do something or we
walk away. I can't remember. And I'm like,
you did you heard that correctly. The door
installation could be more than the cost of
the door. Yeah.
Like, yeah. It's worth every penny to me.
And I was like, okay. Okay. If you
don't care, I don't care. Okay.
I I year this goes back years ago.
I hung
a front door on my
first house.
It was a fucking nightmare. I
And I've never done a zorn right on
fire. Yeah. I for me, no. I I
would never never do that again. Mhmm. I
mean, there are there are things I would
I'd gladly do.
And, I have learned over the years certain
things I just keep my hands off. Look.
It's just better that way. If it don't
bother you, it don't bother me.
Simple on that. So, I defer to your
expertise on these things. And, you know, I
mean, like with the, even with the tile
in the kitchen. Mhmm. Mhmm. You know, there
was a time I would say, yeah, I'll
do it. Mhmm.
Can't be down on my hands and knees
that long anymore. For sure.
And they came in, and they had it
done in one day.
Yeah. They did. And it was done well.
Mhmm.
So
So Silent said in the live chat comments
on our topic, maybe just don't wear yourself
out for people you don't like. That's all
there is to it.
Yeah. Yeah. That's why, you know, when people
are trying to figure out who they want
to be their partner, I understand
that having a compatibility
in kinks and power exchange is important. Of
course it is. You're trying to have
a DS dynamic or a kinky life of
some sort with this person. Of course that's
important. But I think what's what gets forgotten
by a lot of people, and it's sometimes
how they end up with people that they
look back on and go how the fuck
did I get there, is because
the compatibility and kinks on what they're offering
you and how you can express your kinky
self with their kinky self ends up overriding
the basic basic fact of do you like
this person enough to wanna share oxygen with
them? Mhmm. Is this a person that outside
of this context you would
like to have lunch with, have a coffee
with, go see a movie with? Doesn't mean
you have to go do it, but would
you be willing? And to me,
especially if you're looking for some sort of
long term
serious
relationship, we're not talking maybe casual. I think
you should be this way even with casual,
but some of that's personality and I get
that. But long term, like you're trying to
negotiate a very specific kind of dynamic to
have with this person,
what are we doing if you don't like
them?
If the only thing about them that is
appealing is that they are the dom to
your sub, the sadist to your masochist.
Because I promise you when somebody's too sick
to get kinky, somebody's life gets too crazy
to keep up the routine, when
things change and shift just naturally and the
things you've been doing don't work anymore, and
you have to figure out
what you're gonna do with them and in
the meantime it's gonna there's gonna be a
lull, when you don't fucking like them the
rest of that shit gets miserable
the moment it stops being exactly what you
negotiated and you're outside of that honeymoon phase.
A 100%.
Please, Jesus, like them as a person.
Oh my God. Oh my God.
Because some of y'all describe these people to
me and I'm like, they sound like a
shitty human being and you kind of go,
well, they're kind of a shitty human being,
but they do that one kink thing I
like. And I'm like, but you're telling me
actively that you're miserable.
Stop being miserable and maybe go find the
person who's willing to learn that kink with
you and for you. Right? Because they like
you and you and you're compatible enough
that you can make something work and then
you can learn and grow together. So
I'm saying it. Anyway. Anyway.
Anywho. Anywho.
Ending on a ramp, whatever. Mhmm. The friendship
thing? Like that and I know that there
are people who come at relationships and and
see the connections differently. I get that. I
get that. And I like I said, there's
difference between casual
and long term to a certain degree.
Unless
like me, I'm wired that way. I gotta
like you enough to be your friend before
I can like you enough to even casually
play with you. But that's how I'm wired.
Just say it. Goddamn, stop being with some
of these people who are trash human beings,
but do that one thing with their tongue
that you like. Like, what?
Anyway.
I know. Suppose it's not their tongue. Sometimes
it's their dom look or it's the thing
they do with their hand or the way
they look in this one like, just because
the thing is is that you don't get
to live in that space all the time.
Mhmm. And that for a long term relationship
will not be enough to carry you forward
and for anybody to be happy and
healthy. Just
saying.
Anyway Anyhoo.
I'm done now. Okay. Are you sure? I
don't know. We don't have a bonus. I
don't think you're ever done.
Well, no. Ten fucking years of this, I
still got shit to talk about.
So,
are we good? Not bad. I can't answer
either.
Keep it kinky, y'all. And we'll see you
next week.
Daddy.
Yes? Can I talk to the crickets, please?
Yes?
I'm gonna announce a thing in order to
complain about a thing. Oh, dear. It's actually
not a complaint. It's just a fact. There's
not gonna be a Monday episode, a Q
and A episode. After this episode goes live,
the next one will be next week's podcast.
Because
first of all, JB was working on that
tool thing he was talking about up until,
like, fifteen minutes before it was time to
come in here and start setting up. Hence
the way I'm dressed. Right. For anybody who's
watching the video.
So there wasn't really time to record something
today anyway,
but we have
so much going on. None of it, like,
awful stuff. Just there's so much going on.
It's just been a lot of busyness. I
told him was it yesterday or today? I
can't remember which. I was like, I don't
think we should do the Q and A
episode this week. I said, I don't know
when the fuck I would even edit the
damn thing. And I was just like, thank
you. Because okay. So yesterday I would like
to complain for a minute. But it's not
really a complaint because it is all neutral
slash good stuff. Yeah. Yesterday before recording Tuesday
Mhmm. Lola was supposed to go do a
meet and greet, get to stay at doggy
daycare for a few hours Mhmm. For the
the dog boarding place that she's definitely gonna
go to because they're the only ones that
even fucking called back, and we like them
Yep. All to find out that they didn't
have us on the books. And I was
like, I had a ten minute conversation with
your scheduler, so I don't know what the
fuck happened there. I didn't say that, but
that was And I I told you, when
I got that
email Mhmm.
She put in the wrong date. She put
in the day of the phone call.
Yeah. Yeah. I'm sure she's a lovely human.
But also, I thought we had Lola completely
vaxxed because I'm always like, just give her
what she needs. Just tell me how and
there was one she was missing. Mhmm. So
she could not stay for doggy daycare. No.
We could take the
the tour, which was fine. It is how
okay. We are usually because out of necessity
we are usually cheapskates. Okay? Whatever is good,
but at the lowest price we can pay.
Mhmm.
They were explaining how their top tier package
for boarding, they,
there's all this stuff that they get regardless
of the package, much like the Patreon membership.
Anyway, shameless plug there.
But at this top tier package, the they
you will also get daily at a scheduled
time a report and a picture of your
dog.
And they go through all the other packages.
And I'm looking at this man next to
me who's like, this is my baby. You're
just gonna throw her to the proverbial wolves.
I'm like,
we'll take the top package. This man can't
go two days without a picture of it.
Maybe just it's fine.
Then they take us on a tour of
the facilities,
and they show us the standard
place. Like, they'll have a bed, whatever. I
want you to know folks right here.
I did not say a word.
I did not say a word. Because he
didn't have to. I am the JB translator.
Okay?
So the four foot by five foot
space
and the guy was not trying to upsell
us. He was like, this is plenty of
room. It's great.
We go in and we see the the
standard space,
cottage they call it, and then we'll see
right over here, the big open space with
a TV, and it's only $8
a day more. And before we saw them,
I was like, oh, we'll just take basic.
It's fine. Then we walk in there and
I'm like, that's basic?
That's only $8 more? And JB is looking
at it and we're both going, oh, but
you can't oh, Oh, that doesn't look like
a lot of Lola has a giant fucking
house to stretch out. I
went, don't worry. We'll take the the upgrade.
We'll give her the bigger space with the
TV.
So anyway, we couldn't do everything we were
supposed to do for that. I think we
ended up having something else to do yesterday.
I don't even fucking remember.
Today I had to take her or we
had to take her because we do it
together, to go get the Bordatello shot. That's
what she was missing.
And she hates going to the vet. That
should have been a small thing, but she
gets so stressed out. She paces the whole
time. Yeah. Tomorrow,
I drop Ella off at the vet at
8AM because she's peeing the wrong color. The
guy who's gonna give us a quote on
installing a new backdoor is coming at 10:30.
Mhmm. And then JB has a procedure at
01:30.
Right. On Thursday.
But don't you worry. On Friday
at 05:50
in the morning,
he's we've gotta be at the place so
he can get his hand MRI
Yeah. Scan done. And don't don't worry. On
Saturday, between 10AM and 2PM
The shit sucker's coming. Septic tank is gonna
get pumped, but we don't know what time.
Sunday
is an off day. I think we might
try to sleep. Actually, we'll probably do fucking
chores.
Then Monday,
Lola goes back to the eye doctor. Is
her eye healed up? Can we please take
off the cone of shame? Because she is
miserable and we are miserable. Yeah. Then Tuesday,
she goes for her doggy daycare. She's rearranging
the furniture with the Oh my god. She
is. And so I just went,
where in the fuck am I on top
of everything else that's always going on, where
in the fuck am I editing a video
Yeah. And posting? So that's why we're not
having the Q and A.
Yep.
Oh, sorry, Kim. I did I did gloss
over that. Ellipede
a bright orangey red color this morning.
So
we don't know what it is. I'm not
trying to speculate.
I was talking to the vet tech who
was giving Lola her vaccine
and going, okay, I know I'm supposed to
do this separately with the person up there,
but I need to schedule something for Ella.
She's not peeing the right color.
But also, you've sent us home twice to
collect urine, and we can't do it. It's
not happening. I just wanna bring her to
you.
So they were like,
8AM.
Yeah. Life life has been
hectic for us. Not bad. Not no. Not
bad.
You know, I've I've had
a couple things going on, tests and different
stuff.
Had the end endoscopy
Mhmm. Last week, and that went fine. Yeah.
They didn't find anything.
It's a lot of stuff. It just takes
time Yeah. Is all it is. Yep. We
don't get a single full day of work
until sometime next week. Yeah. There's just something
everywhere. Every yeah. So, yeah, tomorrow, I get
my my hand MRI'd.
And
No. Friday to get your Friday. That's right.
Jesus. Like, I can't keep up with all
these Thursday's all the other stuff. That's why
we have a family going out on the
weekend. I know. I know. I
know. Yeah. I know. We we go through,
like, the next till early next week, and
then it does slow down,
because we've got like our basic stuff that's
always scheduled. And then at the February
is where we've got more that comes up.
It's just it was a lot. And I'm
I'm trying to be very proud of myself
that I'm not panicking that it's a week
and a half or so where I do
not get a full day work Monday because
of an appointment the youngest has. I just
probably won't work at all Mhmm. Because we've
got the whatever's happening at nine Yeah. Now
I can't even oh, the eye doctor. And
then the the kids' appointment, like, I'm like,
okay, I guess I'm taking Monday off. Yeah.
What it really means is I just work
after dinner until I'm like, I don't wanna
sit here anymore. And and that's kind of
what I've been doing. I've just been working
in between when I can right now. Mhmm.
You know, and that was even how I
ended up
tackling
the lathe today because, you know, like I
said, all the videos they said, you know,
one hour, one hour takes about an hour,
takes about an hour. And,
taking it apart was easy.
Putting it back together was a little frustrating.
But, it's done. It's done. And, it's working.
And, it's quiet.
Yeah. But,
yeah. It's it's been
it's been a lot of running around. Mhmm.
And neither of us like, obviously, we can
do it, but we are homebodies who just
wanna keep to our fucking schedule and routine.
We're like, all of these things serve a
purpose. None of this is is,
there's a word I want. I can't think
of the word. It's not fluff stuff. It's
not unimportant bullshit that we're just making up.
It's like stuff that needs to happen.
It's like
we have a routine. We know what time
we're having breakfast in the morning. We know
what time we're gonna start our work day.
We like, you're you're fucking up my flow,
man.
But it's just Yeah. There's just stuff that's
gotta happen. Yep.
You know, and and it's like even, like,
what's Friday morning?
05:50 in the fucking morning. The the MRI
was requested
before
Christmas. Mhmm.
And it is now getting me And it
was after you placed And it was after
I I called
I placed one phone call. Word I wanna
thank you. Because,
I hadn't heard from anybody.
And, yeah, they they called me,
yesterday.
And,
you know, they told me they had an
early morning appointment. I was like, get me
in.
Let's go. I mean, do do we treat
ourselves of course. Will there be breakfast on
Friday morning? Of course, there will be. There
will bare minimum be the coffee. Coffee. Yeah.
At least. Very least. But I'm not eating
my breakfast at 05:30, nor am I waiting
until if I have to wake up at
05:00 or earlier so that we can leave
the house on time, blah blah blah blah
blah. Alright. The only good thing too I'm
not waiting on is that I can get
up and have coffee. You can. This is
not like the endoscopy where you couldn't have
Yeah. No.
No.
So
yeah. I just
I'm I'm
try to the best of my very rigid
ability, I've tried to just go with the
flow. Yeah. I'm not letting it panic me.
I'm just like, okay. These things all have
to happen and they are happening. And and
then I do a lot of this kind
of self talk. We have the fucking freedom
to just schedule shit. We don't work on
somebody else's schedule,
which if I was trying to do all
of this stuff and work, like, a nine
to five or whatever And then balance a
job. Yeah.
No. It would it would be so difficult.
So, like, I've I don't wanna complain too
hard because I know there are plenty of
y'all who are like, I wish I could
just go to this appointment when I need
to. Mhmm.
So yeah.
It's just it it was just one of
those. I was like, I'm I'm not adding
another thing to this list. Yeah. Yeah. Not
when I'm looking at empty inventory boxes,
and I'm looking at the state of sales
for everything we run, the Etsy shops and
the kangaroo, the kangaroo.com.
And it is typical for January to slow
down after the holidays. Sure. But our experience
prior to this year, January has always been
great. Mhmm. Always been great.
So it's like, oh, shit. Okay. And we're
you know, sometimes you have to go, okay,
maybe it's us. Maybe we're the problem. But
we're having conversations with other people that run
similar types of businesses and are like, no,
dead as a doornail out here. Yep.
It's almost like all of the chaos that's
being, you know,
happening
around the world, but for our perspective primarily
here in the country might be having a
negative impact on people's willingness to part with
their money. And I can fucking understand it.
Man. Yeah. Anyway. Anyway. Anywho. This is fine.
Mhmm. Yep. Because I'm not gonna go on
that rant right now. I'm not. And, after
this, I need to get you out into
the tiny shop. Oh. Because then, I need
your,
I need your assistance.
On rearranging some stuff. Alright. Are we And
I rearranging
deck chairs on the Titanic?
Yeah. Now that you've seen the movie, I
think it's actually are we playing classical music
while on the Titanic on the deck of
the Titanic?
I finally Got JP to sit down and
watch Titanic with me over the weekend.
And I remembered it. I've seen it multiple
times, but it's been years since I've watched
it. I was like, oh gosh, that's right.
The musicians, they played to keep the ambiance
up, and then they kept playing
knowing
it was the last thing they were gonna
do. Mhmm.
I I don't I wish I knew. Maybe
somebody else knows. Is that historically accurate, or
is that just artistic license? Because
that was poetic.
Mhmm.
They
I wanna say I did hear something about,
like, to that effect, but who I don't
know. I
don't know. Who knows?
So So anyway Anyhoo.
Yeah. Mhmm.
I think we're, but, yeah. I'm I'm,
out in the tiny shop. I am finally,
finally, finally getting a good handle on my
dust collection.
Which is good. Yep.
Yeah. Because it's,
it's dusty. It's dusty.
I was gonna say that I don't spend
a lot of time out there, but I
have vague memories of before you got better
dust collection to now. And yeah.
Yeah. You did not leave the tiny shop
without being completely plugged up in your nose
and being sawdust. Even with a
Yeah. The mask thing.
So
taste you. It is historically in our spot.
Said it's history. Okay. Alright. And Eva said
so too. Thank y'all. Cool.
It's yeah. It's beautiful. It's tragic.
It's sad. It's so funny. There were still
certain points, even after watching the movie so
many times over the years, that I still
cry. The one thing I don't cry about
anymore
is,
Jack at the end. I don't think it
could be a spoiler for a 28,
29 year old, maybe 30 old movie. I
don't know.
But you know, some people don't make it
in the end because it is Titanic.
But the scenes
where at the end as the the ship
is
genuinely just going down, there's no more hope,
where the
the poor people in steerage Yeah. Are just
like the mother
putting her kids to bed and telling them
stories and tucking them in so they'll go
to sleep. The old couple
holding each other in the I every time
I'm boohooing. Every time. The musicians when they
are about to go, okay, let's go find
our place, and then they kind of go,
we'll keep going. Cry, then.
Yeah.
Yeah. It was a good movie.
What? Taste you. Spoilers for Titanic the ship
sinks.
Wow. Look, there's a reason I really do
prefer
historical
kind of,
content, really, like, media, like movies, books, whatever,
because
they all died in the end. Like, if
it's old enough, you're like, okay, ain't nobody
living from here.
I might be sad because of the human
story, but there's no anticipation.
Actually, that's why I like romance. They're gonna
end up together in the end. I'm good.
The stress, the tension of that, I don't
need it. Tell me how we get here.
Oh, that was the thing I was gonna
complain about, the fucking Den of Vipers.
Okay. The book is called Den of Vipers.
I I DNF'd it. If you know what
other means, do not finish. I got 55%
of the way and went I can't fucking
do this anymore. The premise of the book
was really good. It's dark romance, and it
is dark. Like, I just casually
read about, a dismemberment
that felt like it came out of nowhere
and went oh, okay. Oh gosh. Okay. Yeah.
Dark, dark. Fine.
And,
these four mob type guys who call themselves
the Vipers,
hence the name of the book,
are air quote given
as debt repayment.
This woman from her father she's a fucking
fighter, man. She took down they sent some
men to go pick her up because that
she was their air quote payment. She knocked
all four of those fuckers out and had
the police come pick them up. I'm like,
yeah, great.
The the four actual guys come to get
her and they're like badass fighters. Nobody gets
the drop of them. She did. She got
two like on the fucking ground. She was
the coolest fucking female main character I've read
in a while. Okay.
The men are all like they have their
own unique personalities. They all have their this,
all that. Cool. They're all interesting. The sex
is gonna be hot. The tension is high.
You have to, like, how do you, like,
close this loop of y'all are all falling
for each other, but she's literally was given
to you. She's not not here by choice.
You came and got her.
So does she want to be with you
because she likes you and loves you, or
is this like out of necessity? And it
was the tension.
But I swear to you almost every page
we were reminded that this was a den
of vipers
and they were venomous
like snakes.
Y'all, like, I
I got it. I got it from the
title. I got it from the fact they
call themselves vipers. I got it from the
fact that every single one of the men
has some sort of snake tattoo.
I got it when they bought her jewelry
that all had snake stuff on it. I
got it when they put a snake tattoo
on her without telling her the significance of
that.
I did not need
the female main character or any of the
men in their inner monologue to talk about
how
this was the den of vipers.
There hit
a point where I just went
I don't care what happened. And we were
at 55% of the book, she's already fucking
all of them. I was like, Well where
the fuck's the tension? Supposed to hate that
motherfucker.
That one's supposed to hate women so bad
he can't even be in a room with
them, but we're already fucking.
She has already healed him with her magic
pussy. Like, I was like, I'm done. I'm
done. I couldn't do it. I couldn't do
it.
The premise was so cool.
I was there for it. That character
couldn't do it.
Yeah. So now JB teases me because I
I really was there was a point I
was ranting, den of Vipers, den of fucking
Vipers. I know you're the den of Vipers.
So now
out of the blue,
I'll just
yeah. You know, I heard
it was a den of Vipers.
Yeah. We all heard that multiple times for
the fifth first 55% of the book.
Anyway Anyhoo. Now that I've bitched.
Anyhoo. And it wasn't even kinky. Like, I
was going through all that and it wasn't
even kinky. And, yes, it was Y Choose,
my favorite of the subgenres,
but none of the boyfriends are boyfriends. So
I don't I don't love that. I I
prefer when there's, like, their interplay of all
the boys. Anyway,
Anyway.
I guess we can go now. Yes.
Maybe one day I'll get a wild hair
up my ass and just, like, start going
live to talk about fucking books I've read
before. I forget they even exist entirely. I
think I'll remember, do not try to read
Den of Vipers again, but anyway.
Okay. K. I guess we'll go now. Yeah.
Let's say goodbye. Thanks for being here till
the end, especially the bitter end.
We'll see you next week. Mhmm. I don't
know what the fuck we're talking about. We'll
figure it out. Thanks for joining us. Uh-huh.
Bye. Bye.