1 00:00:10,240 --> 00:00:12,900 You're listening to the Loving BDSM podcast, episode 2 00:00:12,960 --> 00:00:15,199 four sixty two. Kayla Lords here with the 3 00:00:15,199 --> 00:00:15,884 one, the 4 00:00:16,285 --> 00:00:16,765 only, the 5 00:00:18,125 --> 00:00:19,644 I mean, I only have good things to 6 00:00:19,644 --> 00:00:20,864 say and nothing snarky 7 00:00:21,164 --> 00:00:22,925 for these five minutes to Right. Enjoy it 8 00:00:22,925 --> 00:00:24,385 while you can. Jump Brownstone. 9 00:00:25,964 --> 00:00:27,185 Yeah. Who knows what 10 00:00:27,804 --> 00:00:29,564 the the next five minutes will bring. Right? 11 00:00:29,564 --> 00:00:31,539 If you do something silly, I will make 12 00:00:31,539 --> 00:00:32,899 a joke out of it. If you do 13 00:00:32,899 --> 00:00:35,219 something grumpy and you're over the grumpy and 14 00:00:35,219 --> 00:00:36,340 I'm not worried about you being mad at 15 00:00:36,340 --> 00:00:37,700 me, I will make a joke out of 16 00:00:37,700 --> 00:00:38,200 it. 17 00:00:41,699 --> 00:00:44,685 If you do something foolish slash embarrassing, I 18 00:00:44,685 --> 00:00:46,364 will not make a joke out of it 19 00:00:46,364 --> 00:00:49,005 until you are also able to laugh about 20 00:00:49,005 --> 00:00:51,325 it and are willing to say talk about 21 00:00:51,325 --> 00:00:52,064 it in public. 22 00:00:53,484 --> 00:00:55,564 And then and then I will make a 23 00:00:55,564 --> 00:00:56,784 joke about it. 24 00:00:57,405 --> 00:00:59,325 None of those things apply right now, so 25 00:00:59,325 --> 00:01:00,149 I got nothing. 26 00:01:00,710 --> 00:01:02,390 Let's talk about what we're here for. 27 00:01:06,549 --> 00:01:09,030 We're here because I like pissing off some 28 00:01:09,030 --> 00:01:11,829 corners of the, Internet by, you know Yeah. 29 00:01:11,990 --> 00:01:14,734 Talking about their term, Mhmm. That they hold 30 00:01:14,734 --> 00:01:17,295 dear. And, apparently, that's one of my kinks 31 00:01:17,295 --> 00:01:18,515 now. I don't know. 32 00:01:20,655 --> 00:01:22,094 It's actually a term I have not been 33 00:01:22,094 --> 00:01:23,935 able to stop thinking about since last week 34 00:01:23,935 --> 00:01:25,935 when it came up in the Reddit response 35 00:01:25,935 --> 00:01:26,435 episode. 36 00:01:27,134 --> 00:01:28,530 And then once I 37 00:01:28,989 --> 00:01:30,989 tried to, like, do my due diligence, now 38 00:01:30,989 --> 00:01:32,909 I really can't stop thinking about it, and 39 00:01:32,909 --> 00:01:33,969 it is the term 40 00:01:34,750 --> 00:01:35,810 soft BDSM. 41 00:01:37,629 --> 00:01:40,349 I'm my current reaction, we haven't talked it 42 00:01:40,349 --> 00:01:43,125 through yet, and I, reserve the right to 43 00:01:43,125 --> 00:01:44,564 change my mind as, you know, I take 44 00:01:44,564 --> 00:01:47,144 in different interpretations and Mhmm. New information. 45 00:01:47,525 --> 00:01:48,584 But right now, 46 00:01:49,525 --> 00:01:51,685 my initial thought is what the fuck is 47 00:01:51,685 --> 00:01:53,944 that? We'll get into it. Don't worry. 48 00:01:54,805 --> 00:01:56,840 Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this 49 00:01:56,840 --> 00:01:58,200 is your first time listening, glad to have 50 00:01:58,200 --> 00:01:59,560 you. If you're back for another week, welcome 51 00:01:59,560 --> 00:02:01,879 back. Loving BDSM is produced every Monday and 52 00:02:01,879 --> 00:02:03,799 Friday for your kinky pleasure in education, and 53 00:02:03,799 --> 00:02:06,200 show notes are found at lovingbdsm.net. 54 00:02:06,200 --> 00:02:07,479 Come back often and feel free to add 55 00:02:07,479 --> 00:02:09,405 the podcast to your favorite podcast app. You 56 00:02:09,405 --> 00:02:11,164 can also follow the show on Fetlife at 57 00:02:11,164 --> 00:02:14,145 loving bdsm PC. The PC stands for podcast. 58 00:02:14,525 --> 00:02:16,685 On Instagram and technically threads of that handle 59 00:02:16,685 --> 00:02:19,485 I will forever fucking hate. It's loving d 60 00:02:19,485 --> 00:02:21,580 s and the number one. So at Love 61 00:02:21,580 --> 00:02:22,319 ds one, 62 00:02:22,620 --> 00:02:25,180 on Blue Sky at lovingbdsm. 63 00:02:25,180 --> 00:02:28,780 Blah blah blah, or on YouTube at youtube.com/lovingbdsm, 64 00:02:28,780 --> 00:02:29,979 where you can watch us live stream the 65 00:02:29,979 --> 00:02:32,060 podcast every Wednesday. All links are in the 66 00:02:32,060 --> 00:02:32,719 show notes. 67 00:02:33,259 --> 00:02:36,365 Okay. Before we get into the topic, which 68 00:02:36,365 --> 00:02:38,444 is very notes heavy, I will be doing 69 00:02:38,444 --> 00:02:39,264 a lot of reading. 70 00:02:40,605 --> 00:02:41,585 One quick announcement. 71 00:02:43,085 --> 00:02:44,224 The day of recording 72 00:02:44,525 --> 00:02:46,342 is Wednesday, November 73 00:02:46,342 --> 00:02:47,280 12. 74 00:02:47,280 --> 00:02:48,639 Yes. I got that right. I saw the 75 00:02:48,639 --> 00:02:49,620 date on the computer. 76 00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:51,300 You have until 77 00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:53,699 Saturday, November 15, 78 00:02:54,159 --> 00:02:55,300 if you were so inclined 79 00:02:55,599 --> 00:02:58,080 to sign up for our holiday cricket special 80 00:02:58,080 --> 00:02:59,139 tier in Patreon. 81 00:02:59,599 --> 00:03:01,125 When you do, and, yes, you can be 82 00:03:01,284 --> 00:03:03,205 international, you don't have to be located in 83 00:03:03,205 --> 00:03:05,444 The US, you will receive a kinky holiday 84 00:03:05,444 --> 00:03:07,444 card in the mail that I'm hoping to 85 00:03:07,444 --> 00:03:09,764 send out very early in of no. Not 86 00:03:09,764 --> 00:03:10,824 November. December. 87 00:03:11,205 --> 00:03:14,425 And also, you will receive an invite link 88 00:03:15,069 --> 00:03:16,289 to our first ever 89 00:03:16,669 --> 00:03:20,109 holiday party over Zoom on December 20. About 90 00:03:20,109 --> 00:03:22,430 damn time we had a company party. No. 91 00:03:22,430 --> 00:03:25,250 We I don't know that party involves steak. 92 00:03:25,310 --> 00:03:25,810 Okay? 93 00:03:26,974 --> 00:03:28,895 And at least one adult beverage for at 94 00:03:28,895 --> 00:03:30,514 least one of us. Okay? 95 00:03:32,335 --> 00:03:32,835 Anyway, 96 00:03:33,534 --> 00:03:35,855 the cutoff for that is November 15. It 97 00:03:35,855 --> 00:03:37,935 is $20. It's a one time $20 thing 98 00:03:37,935 --> 00:03:39,534 even though Patreon will be like, don't you 99 00:03:39,534 --> 00:03:40,974 wanna sign up for an annual? No. The 100 00:03:40,974 --> 00:03:42,949 fuck you don't. You just the one time 101 00:03:42,949 --> 00:03:44,949 and you get the stuff. And then but 102 00:03:44,949 --> 00:03:46,469 you also get access to everything else we 103 00:03:46,469 --> 00:03:48,969 do in Patreon. So the Discord server, freebies 104 00:03:49,110 --> 00:03:51,830 that are, offered at higher levels, all that 105 00:03:51,830 --> 00:03:52,489 good stuff. 106 00:03:53,030 --> 00:03:54,164 So if you decide you like it and 107 00:03:54,164 --> 00:03:55,604 want to stick around, you can bump yourself 108 00:03:55,604 --> 00:03:57,944 down the whatever works for your budget after 109 00:03:58,245 --> 00:04:00,745 your holiday cricket. Why cricket? Because 110 00:04:01,284 --> 00:04:03,604 the Patreon community is the proud crickets. Why 111 00:04:03,604 --> 00:04:05,864 proud crickets? That's part of our lore. 112 00:04:07,330 --> 00:04:09,090 And you either know or you don't. And 113 00:04:09,090 --> 00:04:10,450 if you don't, I will explain it at 114 00:04:10,450 --> 00:04:11,990 another time, but not right now. 115 00:04:12,610 --> 00:04:14,610 Maybe somebody in the comments will help you 116 00:04:14,610 --> 00:04:16,629 out with the hell of proud crickets. 117 00:04:17,810 --> 00:04:20,264 We do answer that question periodically, so it'll 118 00:04:20,264 --> 00:04:22,345 come up again. I'll explain it. But that's 119 00:04:22,345 --> 00:04:23,644 our thing. Proud crickets. 120 00:04:23,944 --> 00:04:26,185 Anyway, that's the thing. Join us on Patreon. 121 00:04:26,185 --> 00:04:27,545 Patreon.com/kaylalords. 122 00:04:27,545 --> 00:04:29,384 Look for the holiday cricket tier if you 123 00:04:29,384 --> 00:04:30,985 would like to join. If you are a 124 00:04:30,985 --> 00:04:31,884 current member, 125 00:04:32,985 --> 00:04:34,264 you can do it too. And, also, there's 126 00:04:34,264 --> 00:04:36,319 other stuff I've been posting about it pretty 127 00:04:36,319 --> 00:04:38,080 regularly. Yes. I will put reminders up for 128 00:04:38,080 --> 00:04:39,520 our Patreon folks so they know they can 129 00:04:39,520 --> 00:04:41,360 get in on the fun, all that good 130 00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:43,279 stuff. But this is the last time I'm 131 00:04:43,279 --> 00:04:46,639 gonna physically say it prior to November 15, 132 00:04:46,639 --> 00:04:47,699 which is Saturday, 133 00:04:48,865 --> 00:04:49,985 11:59PM 134 00:04:49,985 --> 00:04:50,485 eastern. 135 00:04:51,185 --> 00:04:52,305 Actually, quite frankly, 136 00:04:52,625 --> 00:04:53,604 some it'll probably 137 00:04:54,865 --> 00:04:57,584 it'll probably, leak into November 16 because I'll 138 00:04:57,584 --> 00:05:00,004 have to go manually take that one down. 139 00:05:00,625 --> 00:05:02,500 So may the odds, be ever in your 140 00:05:02,500 --> 00:05:04,920 favor if it's not quite the fifteenth anymore. 141 00:05:05,939 --> 00:05:06,439 Okay. 142 00:05:07,379 --> 00:05:09,139 Okay. Let's get into this. Let's get into 143 00:05:09,139 --> 00:05:09,959 this. So 144 00:05:10,660 --> 00:05:12,100 as part of my notes, because I don't 145 00:05:12,100 --> 00:05:13,800 trust my Swiss cheese brain, 146 00:05:14,660 --> 00:05:15,615 I also put 147 00:05:16,175 --> 00:05:17,474 the important things 148 00:05:18,495 --> 00:05:20,414 that always need to be said when we 149 00:05:20,414 --> 00:05:23,214 start fucking talking about labels, terms, and things 150 00:05:23,214 --> 00:05:24,995 that can be meaningful to others. 151 00:05:25,535 --> 00:05:26,834 First is the disclaimer. 152 00:05:27,535 --> 00:05:29,055 I don't not quite sure where I'm gonna 153 00:05:29,055 --> 00:05:30,860 come down on this term. I kind of 154 00:05:30,860 --> 00:05:32,699 know where I'm leaning right now based on 155 00:05:32,699 --> 00:05:33,520 what I found. 156 00:05:34,060 --> 00:05:36,220 But this is an open conversation. Jamie's going 157 00:05:36,220 --> 00:05:37,740 to have a perspective. We're going to get 158 00:05:37,740 --> 00:05:39,100 to talking about it. I might actually get 159 00:05:39,100 --> 00:05:41,259 to look at live chat. Opinions are going 160 00:05:41,259 --> 00:05:43,259 to infiltrate. I reserve the right to change 161 00:05:43,259 --> 00:05:44,960 my mind. But let me just say, 162 00:05:45,944 --> 00:05:47,564 if by the end of this episode, 163 00:05:48,185 --> 00:05:50,104 I'm not a fan of this term, JB 164 00:05:50,104 --> 00:05:51,564 is not a fan of this term, 165 00:05:52,104 --> 00:05:54,365 that doesn't mean you can't use the term. 166 00:05:54,584 --> 00:05:55,964 We are not, like, 167 00:05:56,664 --> 00:05:58,985 in charge of kink terms. We are not 168 00:05:58,985 --> 00:06:01,339 invalidating somebody else's preference for term just because 169 00:06:01,339 --> 00:06:03,459 we don't like it. So if in this 170 00:06:03,459 --> 00:06:03,959 discussion 171 00:06:04,660 --> 00:06:07,139 we are not impressed at all with the 172 00:06:07,139 --> 00:06:09,139 concept of soft BDSM but it is very 173 00:06:09,139 --> 00:06:10,279 meaningful to you, 174 00:06:10,740 --> 00:06:13,539 cool. Nobody is yanking away your term from 175 00:06:13,539 --> 00:06:14,495 you. You. Okay? 176 00:06:14,795 --> 00:06:17,035 Okay. We all get to have different opinions 177 00:06:17,035 --> 00:06:19,035 about different terms. It's about how we treat 178 00:06:19,035 --> 00:06:21,675 one another with respect regardless of the terms 179 00:06:21,675 --> 00:06:23,535 that we're using. Okay? Okay. 180 00:06:24,795 --> 00:06:26,875 Second. And I say this because man, when 181 00:06:26,875 --> 00:06:28,689 we did did soft dom, hard dom, 182 00:06:29,149 --> 00:06:30,990 people were in their feelings. We did pleasure 183 00:06:30,990 --> 00:06:32,990 dom. Some people were, like, grown ups about 184 00:06:32,990 --> 00:06:34,269 it. We just had a discussion and they're 185 00:06:34,269 --> 00:06:35,949 like, yeah. I like this term and I 186 00:06:35,949 --> 00:06:37,389 can tell you why. And I was like, 187 00:06:37,389 --> 00:06:39,069 cool. And that was the end of the 188 00:06:39,069 --> 00:06:40,209 conversation. Others. 189 00:06:40,669 --> 00:06:44,324 Others had deep deep big big feelings about 190 00:06:44,324 --> 00:06:45,464 it and I was like, 191 00:06:45,925 --> 00:06:47,524 I'm not your mama and I'm not telling 192 00:06:47,524 --> 00:06:49,204 you what you can and can't do. Okay? 193 00:06:49,204 --> 00:06:49,785 That's fine. 194 00:06:50,644 --> 00:06:51,704 The second thing, 195 00:06:52,324 --> 00:06:53,625 as is typical, 196 00:06:54,404 --> 00:06:56,430 I have links to things where I found 197 00:06:56,430 --> 00:06:56,930 stuff. 198 00:06:57,310 --> 00:06:59,389 But YouTube smacked me on the hand the 199 00:06:59,389 --> 00:07:00,210 other day, 200 00:07:00,750 --> 00:07:03,150 about a week ago, over a previous episode 201 00:07:03,150 --> 00:07:04,529 where I'd had a lot of links 202 00:07:05,629 --> 00:07:07,310 because they didn't like one of the links 203 00:07:07,310 --> 00:07:08,910 and tried to, like, knock the whole damn 204 00:07:08,910 --> 00:07:10,210 video off of YouTube. 205 00:07:10,564 --> 00:07:12,004 Think I think it got saved in the 206 00:07:12,004 --> 00:07:12,504 end. 207 00:07:12,964 --> 00:07:15,524 So in YouTube, there are no links because 208 00:07:15,524 --> 00:07:18,724 all of the relevant information was definitely on 209 00:07:18,724 --> 00:07:21,125 sites where somebody has shown their tits, ass, 210 00:07:21,125 --> 00:07:21,865 or dick. 211 00:07:22,324 --> 00:07:24,344 So I can't link in YouTube. 212 00:07:25,199 --> 00:07:26,819 For if you're a podcast listener, 213 00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:28,720 all the links will be in the show 214 00:07:28,720 --> 00:07:30,259 notes. For YouTube folks, 215 00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:32,639 once I have the show notes link ready, 216 00:07:32,639 --> 00:07:33,680 I will come back and put it in 217 00:07:33,680 --> 00:07:36,240 if you were that interested in the links. 218 00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:39,060 You can also always email me about links 219 00:07:39,584 --> 00:07:40,084 from, 220 00:07:40,464 --> 00:07:42,384 an episode if you're like, I can't find 221 00:07:42,384 --> 00:07:44,785 them. I have them. I I have every 222 00:07:44,785 --> 00:07:46,404 script note outline 223 00:07:47,024 --> 00:07:50,245 for every episode we have ever done. 224 00:07:50,704 --> 00:07:51,925 Just saying. So 225 00:07:52,849 --> 00:07:54,069 that's a YouTube thing. 226 00:07:54,610 --> 00:07:55,589 Okay. Now 227 00:07:56,370 --> 00:07:58,529 let's then go to I would like to 228 00:07:58,529 --> 00:08:01,250 also answer the question somebody from the Peanut 229 00:08:01,250 --> 00:08:03,329 Gallery is gonna say, but why do labels 230 00:08:03,329 --> 00:08:06,415 and terms even matter? Why does it even 231 00:08:06,415 --> 00:08:08,574 matter? It doesn't even matter. Well, yeah, the 232 00:08:08,574 --> 00:08:10,894 fuck it matters because It may not matter 233 00:08:10,894 --> 00:08:12,595 to you, but it does matter to some. 234 00:08:13,134 --> 00:08:14,595 Exact that is exactly 235 00:08:15,134 --> 00:08:15,875 it. You know, 236 00:08:16,254 --> 00:08:18,095 everything, but we're gonna be specific to the 237 00:08:18,095 --> 00:08:20,495 BDSM community. In the BDSM community, we are 238 00:08:20,495 --> 00:08:23,670 all, like, using a shared language of sorts, 239 00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:25,129 right? Shared terminology. 240 00:08:25,829 --> 00:08:28,230 So when one of us says a term, 241 00:08:28,230 --> 00:08:29,930 says a label, says a whatever, 242 00:08:30,550 --> 00:08:33,529 what we should all want is for anybody 243 00:08:33,590 --> 00:08:35,625 else who hears it to be be able 244 00:08:35,625 --> 00:08:36,904 to ask what the hell are you talking 245 00:08:36,904 --> 00:08:38,105 about or for us to be able to 246 00:08:38,105 --> 00:08:39,945 explain what the hell we mean. One is 247 00:08:39,945 --> 00:08:41,464 just a member of the community who wants 248 00:08:41,464 --> 00:08:43,464 to share information. Maybe you're talking online, maybe 249 00:08:43,464 --> 00:08:44,924 you're at the lunch, whatever whatever. 250 00:08:45,384 --> 00:08:46,125 But also 251 00:08:46,584 --> 00:08:49,009 any term, any way you describe yourself as 252 00:08:49,009 --> 00:08:50,470 a kinkster, any of that, 253 00:08:51,090 --> 00:08:53,090 in my opinion, you ought to be able 254 00:08:53,090 --> 00:08:54,690 to explain what the hell you mean because 255 00:08:54,690 --> 00:08:56,129 if you don't have an explanation of what 256 00:08:56,129 --> 00:08:57,670 that means, when you're communicating 257 00:08:58,050 --> 00:09:00,285 who you are to another person, how are 258 00:09:00,285 --> 00:09:02,945 you giving them full clear communication and potentially, 259 00:09:03,165 --> 00:09:05,725 you know, able to consent? Right? If somebody 260 00:09:05,725 --> 00:09:07,825 tells me they're a hard dom 261 00:09:08,205 --> 00:09:09,485 and I think I know what that means 262 00:09:09,485 --> 00:09:11,004 and they're not defining it for me and 263 00:09:11,004 --> 00:09:12,144 then I go, oh, okay. 264 00:09:13,085 --> 00:09:15,330 And then like sometime later we're doing a 265 00:09:15,330 --> 00:09:17,990 thing and they're doing their hard dom thing, 266 00:09:18,769 --> 00:09:21,090 but that their definition does not match my 267 00:09:21,090 --> 00:09:23,730 definition. We now might have a problem. So 268 00:09:23,730 --> 00:09:25,970 that's why these things matter. You on an 269 00:09:25,970 --> 00:09:28,804 individual level get to decide for yourself, 270 00:09:29,504 --> 00:09:31,345 does this term mean anything to me? Do 271 00:09:31,345 --> 00:09:33,205 I like it? Do I wanna use it? 272 00:09:33,264 --> 00:09:35,345 Do I resonate with it? Or Mhmm. Do 273 00:09:35,345 --> 00:09:37,024 I not give a fuck and just reject 274 00:09:37,024 --> 00:09:38,884 the shit out of it? As an individual, 275 00:09:39,184 --> 00:09:40,945 everybody gets to do that. But as a 276 00:09:40,945 --> 00:09:41,445 community, 277 00:09:42,065 --> 00:09:44,320 if these terms are being thrown around, 278 00:09:45,019 --> 00:09:45,519 then 279 00:09:45,820 --> 00:09:47,279 those of us who are interested 280 00:09:47,740 --> 00:09:49,100 should have an idea of what the fuck 281 00:09:49,100 --> 00:09:51,759 they mean. So that's why this matters 282 00:09:52,139 --> 00:09:53,039 before somebody, 283 00:09:53,419 --> 00:09:56,000 like, warms up their fingers to start typing 284 00:09:56,059 --> 00:09:56,559 furiously 285 00:09:59,115 --> 00:10:00,634 at me. You know, I do act very 286 00:10:00,634 --> 00:10:02,394 hyperbolic. I act like that's all I get. 287 00:10:02,394 --> 00:10:03,675 It's not. But when I get it, it 288 00:10:03,675 --> 00:10:05,295 always comes out of nowhere, and I'm like, 289 00:10:05,995 --> 00:10:08,254 are you okay? What's going on 290 00:10:08,715 --> 00:10:10,795 on your end of the Internet? Because that 291 00:10:10,795 --> 00:10:12,210 feels like it's not about me. 292 00:10:12,929 --> 00:10:14,610 That feels like that was you problem and 293 00:10:14,610 --> 00:10:16,610 you spit it out through your fingertips into 294 00:10:16,610 --> 00:10:17,350 my DMs. 295 00:10:17,730 --> 00:10:18,230 Anyway, 296 00:10:19,090 --> 00:10:20,769 I am I've only had, 297 00:10:21,410 --> 00:10:23,250 like, a third of my Diet Coke and 298 00:10:23,250 --> 00:10:24,629 I am punchy. 299 00:10:25,330 --> 00:10:26,475 Okay. So 300 00:10:27,815 --> 00:10:30,695 here we go. Okay. So as stated last 301 00:10:30,695 --> 00:10:34,294 week in the BDSM Reddit response episode, there 302 00:10:34,294 --> 00:10:36,315 was a question about soft kink 303 00:10:37,014 --> 00:10:39,450 soft BDSM that came from a subreddit I 304 00:10:39,450 --> 00:10:42,110 had no idea existed called softer BDSM. 305 00:10:42,970 --> 00:10:43,470 And, 306 00:10:45,690 --> 00:10:47,610 for the purposes of trying to define this, 307 00:10:47,610 --> 00:10:49,690 because you will see how s how weird 308 00:10:49,690 --> 00:10:51,764 this gets, how strange this gets, 309 00:10:52,565 --> 00:10:54,504 I'm gonna read that subreddit's 310 00:10:54,884 --> 00:10:58,184 definition of what how they define soft BDSM, 311 00:10:58,404 --> 00:10:59,705 soft kink. Okay? 312 00:11:00,085 --> 00:11:01,684 Okay. I've gotta click the link and hope 313 00:11:01,684 --> 00:11:03,205 it opens. I didn't do this ahead of 314 00:11:03,205 --> 00:11:03,945 time. Okay. 315 00:11:04,565 --> 00:11:07,049 Yes. I know. It's it's, sure. Sure. Sure. 316 00:11:07,129 --> 00:11:10,750 Sure. Just let me no. Please go away. 317 00:11:12,089 --> 00:11:14,809 This is what I get. Mhmm. There we 318 00:11:14,809 --> 00:11:15,629 go. Okay. 319 00:11:17,129 --> 00:11:19,455 What is soft BDSM? A guide. I will 320 00:11:19,535 --> 00:11:21,054 have this linked for people who can actually 321 00:11:21,054 --> 00:11:22,115 access our links. 322 00:11:23,054 --> 00:11:24,975 We use the term soft BDSM as a 323 00:11:24,975 --> 00:11:26,975 blanket term over a whole host of play 324 00:11:26,975 --> 00:11:29,855 styles. Some people prefer to avoid pain, humiliation 325 00:11:29,855 --> 00:11:31,634 or inflicting harm in their play. 326 00:11:31,950 --> 00:11:34,290 These are the types who gravitate to softer 327 00:11:34,350 --> 00:11:35,090 play styles. 328 00:11:35,550 --> 00:11:37,950 Not all soft BDSM require power exchange, but 329 00:11:37,950 --> 00:11:40,350 it is very common. Domination is being in 330 00:11:40,350 --> 00:11:42,509 control, directing scenes, and being a presence over 331 00:11:42,509 --> 00:11:45,044 another with the goal of bringing intense emotions 332 00:11:45,044 --> 00:11:47,945 to a submissive through kinky play. Soft BDSM 333 00:11:48,084 --> 00:11:51,144 often prioritizes fun, comfort and connection while maintaining 334 00:11:51,204 --> 00:11:53,924 a kinky edge. It's about exploring pleasure and 335 00:11:53,924 --> 00:11:56,424 intimacy without a focus on pain or humiliation. 336 00:11:57,284 --> 00:11:59,740 DS dynamics are more care and affection based, 337 00:11:59,740 --> 00:12:01,759 dominants being patriarchal or matriarchal. 338 00:12:02,139 --> 00:12:04,700 Submissives take direction and cues from the dominant. 339 00:12:04,700 --> 00:12:07,019 Many soft doms focus on setting rules or 340 00:12:07,019 --> 00:12:09,660 guidelines that encourage personal growth and self care 341 00:12:09,660 --> 00:12:10,559 for their submissives. 342 00:12:10,860 --> 00:12:13,555 These are daddies, mommies, caretakers, some owners and 343 00:12:13,555 --> 00:12:15,955 good girls, boys, enbies, littles, middles, pets and 344 00:12:15,955 --> 00:12:16,615 some brats. 345 00:12:17,075 --> 00:12:18,995 Dominants that are lovers taking control in the 346 00:12:18,995 --> 00:12:21,394 scene, driving their submissives crazy with pleasure and 347 00:12:21,394 --> 00:12:24,274 it's denial. These are the pleasure doms. Bondage 348 00:12:24,274 --> 00:12:25,975 that looks more like relaxation and pleasure. Submissives 349 00:12:25,975 --> 00:12:26,785 artfully restrained and pose for meditative rest, sensory 350 00:12:32,090 --> 00:12:33,850 There's dozens more types of play that can 351 00:12:33,850 --> 00:12:35,549 fall under the term soft BDSM. 352 00:12:36,009 --> 00:12:37,450 Hopefully I can cover as much as in 353 00:12:37,450 --> 00:12:38,970 another guide. I didn't go look for the 354 00:12:38,970 --> 00:12:40,889 other guide but maybe they did. Many will 355 00:12:40,889 --> 00:12:42,330 have layers of some of each of these 356 00:12:42,330 --> 00:12:45,085 and possibly some hard play included as well. 357 00:12:45,085 --> 00:12:46,605 There isn't a hard line in the sand. 358 00:12:46,605 --> 00:12:48,044 It's their play and they can tailor it 359 00:12:48,044 --> 00:12:49,585 to their own needs and wants. 360 00:12:52,205 --> 00:12:53,105 I love 361 00:12:53,725 --> 00:12:55,085 I still don't quite know how I feel 362 00:12:55,085 --> 00:12:56,679 about the term soft BDSM. And as I 363 00:12:56,679 --> 00:12:58,600 get into what else I found, maybe you 364 00:12:58,600 --> 00:12:59,419 will see why. 365 00:13:00,759 --> 00:13:02,220 This to me is a 366 00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:05,179 well thought out here's what it means 367 00:13:05,639 --> 00:13:07,740 to us. I could semantically 368 00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:10,360 pick some things apart just to be a 369 00:13:10,360 --> 00:13:12,225 bitch but I'm not gonna I'm gonna go, 370 00:13:12,225 --> 00:13:13,605 okay. This community, 371 00:13:14,465 --> 00:13:17,105 this person within this community who I believe 372 00:13:17,105 --> 00:13:19,184 is, like, probably the, you know, the main 373 00:13:19,184 --> 00:13:21,825 person or whatever, thought about it, tried to 374 00:13:21,825 --> 00:13:24,565 put it into words, left some room open 375 00:13:25,105 --> 00:13:27,759 for it's not exactly this, it's not prescriptive, 376 00:13:28,459 --> 00:13:30,539 but in general here's what it is. I 377 00:13:30,539 --> 00:13:31,839 respect this definition, 378 00:13:32,539 --> 00:13:34,620 even if I could pick it apart a 379 00:13:34,620 --> 00:13:36,299 little bit. I'm not gonna I have other 380 00:13:36,299 --> 00:13:37,820 things I could pick apart. I'm gonna respect 381 00:13:37,820 --> 00:13:39,740 the fact that that community went, this is 382 00:13:39,740 --> 00:13:41,039 what this means to me. 383 00:13:41,495 --> 00:13:43,034 What do you think of that definition? 384 00:13:46,294 --> 00:13:47,195 I think it's 385 00:13:49,575 --> 00:13:51,434 I'm not sure what to think of it. 386 00:13:52,054 --> 00:13:53,575 I'm not sure what to think of it, 387 00:13:53,575 --> 00:13:54,075 because 388 00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:55,700 you know 389 00:13:57,120 --> 00:13:59,700 it's about exploring pleasure and intimacy without 390 00:14:00,399 --> 00:14:02,259 a focus on pain or humiliation. 391 00:14:06,160 --> 00:14:06,980 To me, 392 00:14:07,524 --> 00:14:10,245 you know, not everybody's into pain. Not everyone's 393 00:14:10,245 --> 00:14:12,264 Damascus. Not everyone's into humiliation. 394 00:14:13,284 --> 00:14:15,465 Mhmm. Okay. So you know, maybe 395 00:14:16,085 --> 00:14:17,605 I'm a little old school there, but you 396 00:14:17,605 --> 00:14:18,105 know 397 00:14:18,965 --> 00:14:21,350 it still sounds like just BDSM. It just 398 00:14:21,350 --> 00:14:23,830 sounds like BDSM right now. Okay. I I 399 00:14:23,830 --> 00:14:24,889 hear the 400 00:14:25,269 --> 00:14:25,769 term 401 00:14:26,309 --> 00:14:26,809 soft 402 00:14:27,269 --> 00:14:29,850 BDSM. Mhmm. And and I have 403 00:14:30,230 --> 00:14:31,129 this vision 404 00:14:31,909 --> 00:14:32,389 of, 405 00:14:33,554 --> 00:14:34,054 soft 406 00:14:34,595 --> 00:14:37,075 romantic music playing, bringing, you know Sort of 407 00:14:37,075 --> 00:14:39,298 the airbrush quality. The filter is very Yeah. 408 00:14:39,298 --> 00:14:40,914 You know, supposed to bring flowers and, you 409 00:14:40,914 --> 00:14:42,455 know, chocolates, wine. 410 00:14:43,634 --> 00:14:45,315 I mean, you can if you won't. I 411 00:14:45,315 --> 00:14:46,686 still want you to, like, hurt me at 412 00:14:46,686 --> 00:14:47,240 the end. Sure. 413 00:14:52,820 --> 00:14:53,799 Sure. You know, 414 00:14:54,179 --> 00:14:56,919 I I mean, it it BDSM is about 415 00:14:57,299 --> 00:14:59,254 connection. It's about the intimacy. 416 00:14:59,634 --> 00:15:01,235 Mhmm. And it doesn't have to be about 417 00:15:01,235 --> 00:15:03,555 pain. Right? Right. To me, and I don't 418 00:15:03,555 --> 00:15:06,035 know I'm not gonna put this on this 419 00:15:06,035 --> 00:15:06,535 community 420 00:15:06,915 --> 00:15:08,355 because like I said, I respect the fact 421 00:15:08,355 --> 00:15:10,195 that this community went here's here's who we 422 00:15:10,195 --> 00:15:11,875 are. If you vibe with us, then you 423 00:15:11,875 --> 00:15:13,555 found your place. If you don't, no worries. 424 00:15:13,555 --> 00:15:15,809 Right? Yeah. The thing is is when you 425 00:15:15,809 --> 00:15:17,350 have a soft BDSM, 426 00:15:17,970 --> 00:15:20,149 that kind of means that the 427 00:15:20,529 --> 00:15:21,269 what you're 428 00:15:21,970 --> 00:15:22,470 sort 429 00:15:23,170 --> 00:15:26,309 of painting yourself as not is hard BDSM. 430 00:15:27,815 --> 00:15:29,735 Right? And all I you know, the way 431 00:15:29,735 --> 00:15:31,254 I look at it is okay, if all 432 00:15:31,254 --> 00:15:33,735 of this with some room, wiggle room, but 433 00:15:33,735 --> 00:15:35,174 if all of this is soft that means 434 00:15:35,174 --> 00:15:36,475 everything else is hard. 435 00:15:36,934 --> 00:15:38,850 Right? Like isn't that sort of the, 436 00:15:39,329 --> 00:15:41,350 you know, if it's not soft, it's hard? 437 00:15:41,409 --> 00:15:43,490 And I don't like that either. Yeah. A 438 00:15:43,490 --> 00:15:45,730 lot of this describes you and I, and 439 00:15:45,730 --> 00:15:47,829 I would never use soft for myself. 440 00:15:48,289 --> 00:15:51,490 Here's here's where I think there is a 441 00:15:51,490 --> 00:15:52,709 disparity disparity 442 00:15:53,409 --> 00:15:54,309 with the terms. 443 00:15:56,674 --> 00:15:58,534 Soft BDSM, hard BDSM. 444 00:15:59,475 --> 00:15:59,975 BDSM 445 00:16:01,955 --> 00:16:04,434 all comes with risk. Mhmm. What you're doing 446 00:16:04,434 --> 00:16:06,754 whatever no matter what you're doing there is 447 00:16:06,754 --> 00:16:09,590 a risk to it. Right. So may saying 448 00:16:09,809 --> 00:16:10,710 soft BDSM, 449 00:16:11,250 --> 00:16:13,669 I think could give some people 450 00:16:14,049 --> 00:16:15,669 a false sense of 451 00:16:16,289 --> 00:16:18,769 security. Yeah. There's no risk. It's softer than 452 00:16:18,769 --> 00:16:20,789 gentle. It's soft. It's just, you know, 453 00:16:21,250 --> 00:16:23,565 yeah. Sure. Bring it. Right. None of this 454 00:16:23,565 --> 00:16:25,725 will harm me. Eric, that real hard. You 455 00:16:25,725 --> 00:16:28,045 know? And and I I yeah. Whatever, you 456 00:16:28,045 --> 00:16:30,865 know, anything you do in this 457 00:16:31,245 --> 00:16:33,644 lifestyle has a risk to it. I also 458 00:16:33,804 --> 00:16:35,264 and this could be me reaching, 459 00:16:35,644 --> 00:16:37,169 but I don't think I'm alone in this. 460 00:16:37,250 --> 00:16:39,029 When we call something soft, 461 00:16:39,730 --> 00:16:42,549 you know, other words that are gentle, right, 462 00:16:42,690 --> 00:16:43,909 kind, easy, 463 00:16:45,250 --> 00:16:47,490 and the thing is is and this is 464 00:16:47,490 --> 00:16:49,089 me going to an extreme when I say 465 00:16:49,089 --> 00:16:50,309 this probably, but 466 00:16:50,754 --> 00:16:52,774 how easy would it be for a predator? 467 00:16:52,834 --> 00:16:55,554 Predators in BDSM already can hide very easily. 468 00:16:55,554 --> 00:16:57,634 They just gotta know a few words and, 469 00:16:57,634 --> 00:16:59,954 like, keep their shit together for, like, thirty 470 00:16:59,954 --> 00:17:02,194 seconds, you know, in a DM or five 471 00:17:02,194 --> 00:17:03,894 minutes at the coffee meetup. Right? 472 00:17:04,500 --> 00:17:07,140 Predators exist everywhere, but how easy is it 473 00:17:07,140 --> 00:17:08,039 for a predator 474 00:17:08,500 --> 00:17:10,519 to hide as, well, I'm soft. 475 00:17:11,059 --> 00:17:11,880 I'm gentle. 476 00:17:12,420 --> 00:17:13,640 I'm easy because 477 00:17:14,900 --> 00:17:15,720 that implies, 478 00:17:16,099 --> 00:17:17,700 for somebody who might not be thinking this 479 00:17:17,700 --> 00:17:19,154 way you and I know it doesn't imply 480 00:17:19,394 --> 00:17:20,835 shit. But I can see where it would 481 00:17:20,835 --> 00:17:22,835 imply, oh, soft BDSM and, like you said, 482 00:17:22,835 --> 00:17:24,755 is safer. Air quote that real big, real 483 00:17:24,755 --> 00:17:28,134 big. Or it's easier or it's kinder or 484 00:17:28,195 --> 00:17:30,195 there's, you know, I don't have to worry 485 00:17:30,195 --> 00:17:32,595 as much because this is the softer side 486 00:17:32,595 --> 00:17:33,335 of BDSM. 487 00:17:35,369 --> 00:17:36,009 That's I 488 00:17:36,730 --> 00:17:38,970 could that be me overthinking it? Sure. Because 489 00:17:38,970 --> 00:17:41,529 predators are everywhere and abusers will find whatever 490 00:17:41,529 --> 00:17:43,130 they can, blah blah blah. Yeah. But I'm 491 00:17:43,130 --> 00:17:44,109 with you. This 492 00:17:44,650 --> 00:17:47,204 it gives the sense that first, I could 493 00:17:47,204 --> 00:17:49,845 see somebody who comes across it going, oh, 494 00:17:49,845 --> 00:17:51,684 this is not that big, bad, mean, all 495 00:17:51,684 --> 00:17:54,724 black leather whips and chains BDSM, which is 496 00:17:54,724 --> 00:17:56,724 kind of how that gets categorized in other 497 00:17:56,724 --> 00:17:58,964 places not here. And it's like, well, first 498 00:17:58,964 --> 00:18:00,664 of all, that's not all that BDSM 499 00:18:01,230 --> 00:18:03,789 is. Right. And when you know, it goes 500 00:18:03,789 --> 00:18:05,069 back to what I was saying a minute 501 00:18:05,069 --> 00:18:06,829 ago for me. When we say there's a 502 00:18:06,829 --> 00:18:09,309 soft BDSM, well, BDSM, well, then in direct 503 00:18:09,309 --> 00:18:11,230 opposition to that, there must be a hard 504 00:18:11,230 --> 00:18:13,069 BDSM. Well, where the fuck does that leave 505 00:18:13,069 --> 00:18:14,130 the rest of us 506 00:18:14,509 --> 00:18:16,670 in the middle? Because I wouldn't classify anything 507 00:18:16,670 --> 00:18:18,884 we do as soft. Others could classify what 508 00:18:18,884 --> 00:18:20,484 they see from us as soft. I don't 509 00:18:20,484 --> 00:18:22,404 give a fuck. That's you, not me. I 510 00:18:22,404 --> 00:18:24,244 don't call us soft, but I'm sure shit 511 00:18:24,244 --> 00:18:26,424 not gonna call us hard. We are just 512 00:18:26,484 --> 00:18:29,279 kinky people living our kinky life, and sometimes 513 00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:31,840 it's soft and gentle, and sometimes it's kinda 514 00:18:31,840 --> 00:18:33,519 hardcore and a little scary. I I think 515 00:18:33,519 --> 00:18:34,340 in a way, 516 00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:36,960 you know, maybe this is an attempt, you 517 00:18:36,960 --> 00:18:38,500 know, I mean, we talk 518 00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:42,480 through the years about how BDSM is a 519 00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:42,980 spectrum. 520 00:18:43,884 --> 00:18:46,045 Okay? You know from from one end to 521 00:18:46,045 --> 00:18:48,704 the other and and maybe this is just 522 00:18:48,765 --> 00:18:49,984 an attempt to, 523 00:18:51,724 --> 00:18:53,724 you know, put a label on the the 524 00:18:53,724 --> 00:18:54,224 spectrum. 525 00:18:54,525 --> 00:18:55,025 Mhmm. 526 00:18:56,630 --> 00:18:58,250 Maybe. And I you know, 527 00:18:58,630 --> 00:19:00,169 that's why I say from 528 00:19:01,829 --> 00:19:03,509 no matter how I personally feel about a 529 00:19:03,509 --> 00:19:05,669 term, if it resonates with somebody, it fucking 530 00:19:05,669 --> 00:19:07,509 resonates with somebody. I want people to be 531 00:19:07,509 --> 00:19:09,609 clear on what the fuck they're saying because 532 00:19:10,404 --> 00:19:12,565 terms like this are shorthand, and people think 533 00:19:12,565 --> 00:19:14,164 they know what something means. And then you 534 00:19:14,164 --> 00:19:15,684 actually get to talking about it and both 535 00:19:15,845 --> 00:19:18,085 you know, two people might think completely different 536 00:19:18,085 --> 00:19:20,184 things about the same same term. Right? 537 00:19:21,525 --> 00:19:22,184 I also 538 00:19:24,005 --> 00:19:25,704 I don't love this idea 539 00:19:26,289 --> 00:19:28,130 from the outside looking in, not maybe within 540 00:19:28,130 --> 00:19:31,349 a community where you know it's pleasure doms, 541 00:19:31,650 --> 00:19:34,069 caregivers, this, that, you know, the 542 00:19:35,089 --> 00:19:37,970 gentler side. And even that's subjective. My gentle 543 00:19:37,970 --> 00:19:40,654 might be your rough. My soft might be 544 00:19:40,654 --> 00:19:41,394 your hardcore. 545 00:19:42,494 --> 00:19:44,015 Right? That's the other kind of problem I 546 00:19:44,015 --> 00:19:45,875 have with some of these terms is because 547 00:19:46,174 --> 00:19:48,095 Yeah. What you mean by it and what 548 00:19:48,095 --> 00:19:49,795 I mean by it could be completely 549 00:19:50,095 --> 00:19:51,555 at odds with one another. 550 00:19:52,429 --> 00:19:54,750 Will I fit into this community if I 551 00:19:54,750 --> 00:19:56,190 wanted to be in it I don't would 552 00:19:56,190 --> 00:19:57,490 I fit into this community 553 00:19:58,750 --> 00:20:01,309 even if I define soft in a different 554 00:20:01,309 --> 00:20:03,549 way? Right? Mhmm. So there's that. But there's 555 00:20:03,549 --> 00:20:05,390 also this idea and it pops up a 556 00:20:05,390 --> 00:20:06,224 lot online and it's 557 00:20:07,184 --> 00:20:08,464 gonna come up in the notes, towards the 558 00:20:08,464 --> 00:20:10,704 end because that was fascinating. I was like, 559 00:20:10,704 --> 00:20:11,924 that made me think thoughts, 560 00:20:12,304 --> 00:20:13,845 of sort of this idea of 561 00:20:15,984 --> 00:20:16,724 of putting 562 00:20:17,345 --> 00:20:18,164 some kinksters 563 00:20:19,309 --> 00:20:20,029 putting themselves 564 00:20:20,589 --> 00:20:21,089 distinguishing 565 00:20:21,390 --> 00:20:24,670 themselves from the big, bad, scary, deviant kinky 566 00:20:24,670 --> 00:20:27,869 people. We do this sweet soft thing over 567 00:20:27,869 --> 00:20:28,369 here. 568 00:20:28,750 --> 00:20:30,349 Look it up. And I and I don't 569 00:20:30,349 --> 00:20:31,869 agree with it, but the question last week 570 00:20:31,869 --> 00:20:34,075 of, oh, aren't you just vanilla with sprinkles? 571 00:20:34,455 --> 00:20:37,434 That's bullshit. That is complete fucking bullshit. 572 00:20:37,894 --> 00:20:38,715 But if 573 00:20:39,174 --> 00:20:41,255 that the connection I make then is back 574 00:20:41,255 --> 00:20:41,994 to the 575 00:20:42,375 --> 00:20:43,994 domestic discipline episode. 576 00:20:44,455 --> 00:20:47,195 For the folks who are clearly doing BDSM, 577 00:20:47,759 --> 00:20:50,240 They use the language of domestic discipline and 578 00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:52,000 then do everything in their power to distance 579 00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:55,140 themselves from that yucky, nasty, scary BDSM. 580 00:20:55,440 --> 00:20:58,000 Right? Yeah. And I'm not saying this specific 581 00:20:58,000 --> 00:21:00,524 community does it. I'm not saying everybody. But 582 00:21:00,524 --> 00:21:02,524 there's there's a layer to that of I 583 00:21:02,524 --> 00:21:05,164 need to I wanna distance myself from that 584 00:21:05,164 --> 00:21:08,044 scary stuff, that mean stuff, that crazy stuff. 585 00:21:08,044 --> 00:21:09,904 Like, it doesn't come across 586 00:21:10,204 --> 00:21:10,284 as 587 00:21:11,164 --> 00:21:11,825 you know? 588 00:21:12,920 --> 00:21:15,160 If you were soft, the implication is somebody 589 00:21:15,160 --> 00:21:17,240 is hard. Yeah. If you're the the gentle 590 00:21:17,240 --> 00:21:20,279 ones, somebody else is too rough. And and, 591 00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:23,720 yes, yes, let's be very clear. There are 592 00:21:23,720 --> 00:21:26,234 kinksters who want it rough, like it rough, 593 00:21:26,234 --> 00:21:28,154 define rough Oh, yeah. In their own terms, 594 00:21:28,154 --> 00:21:28,654 whatever. 595 00:21:29,595 --> 00:21:31,194 But like you said, all of this is 596 00:21:31,194 --> 00:21:33,355 a spectrum, and quite frankly, the other thing 597 00:21:33,355 --> 00:21:35,355 I don't like about prescriptive terms like this 598 00:21:35,434 --> 00:21:35,934 Mhmm. 599 00:21:36,555 --> 00:21:37,295 Is that 600 00:21:37,914 --> 00:21:38,815 it can 601 00:21:39,355 --> 00:21:40,815 box somebody in 602 00:21:42,019 --> 00:21:42,519 and 603 00:21:42,900 --> 00:21:43,400 either 604 00:21:44,419 --> 00:21:45,700 and these are the things I can think 605 00:21:45,700 --> 00:21:48,019 of. There's more reasons. But it either is 606 00:21:48,019 --> 00:21:50,019 gonna make somebody reject a part of themselves 607 00:21:50,019 --> 00:21:51,799 when it doesn't fit that definition, 608 00:21:52,099 --> 00:21:53,619 when they want to be a little rough, 609 00:21:53,619 --> 00:21:56,019 when they want to be appear a little 610 00:21:56,019 --> 00:21:56,414 angry, 611 00:21:57,375 --> 00:21:59,234 you know, let it get air quote heard 612 00:21:59,934 --> 00:22:02,494 hard kink. Right? And so they're either gonna 613 00:22:02,494 --> 00:22:02,994 think, 614 00:22:03,295 --> 00:22:06,015 uh-oh, I'm doing it wrong, or, uh-oh, I 615 00:22:06,015 --> 00:22:07,070 don't fit, or, uh-oh, I'm not actually a 616 00:22:07,070 --> 00:22:07,199 part of this community, and too many people 617 00:22:07,199 --> 00:22:08,035 get real fucking 618 00:22:08,990 --> 00:22:09,570 this community. 619 00:22:09,950 --> 00:22:11,250 And too many 620 00:22:11,869 --> 00:22:13,950 people get real fucking worried about doing it, 621 00:22:13,950 --> 00:22:15,410 quote, the right way. 622 00:22:15,710 --> 00:22:16,690 Yes. Yeah. 623 00:22:17,070 --> 00:22:19,150 Because they're trying to follow this checklist of 624 00:22:19,150 --> 00:22:20,849 if I say I'm this kind of kinkster, 625 00:22:21,150 --> 00:22:23,075 this is what it means to be. And 626 00:22:23,075 --> 00:22:25,174 that's not true because we all contain multitudes. 627 00:22:25,634 --> 00:22:27,654 Some people a 100% will 628 00:22:27,955 --> 00:22:31,095 will see this particular definition of soft BDSM 629 00:22:31,154 --> 00:22:32,674 go, yep, that's me, and they might live 630 00:22:32,674 --> 00:22:33,414 in that space 631 00:22:33,795 --> 00:22:34,295 forever. 632 00:22:34,950 --> 00:22:35,929 Others, though, 633 00:22:36,230 --> 00:22:38,869 will get new partners who bring different vibes 634 00:22:38,869 --> 00:22:40,490 and they want to try new stuff with, 635 00:22:40,549 --> 00:22:43,289 will, you know, discover things about themselves regardless 636 00:22:43,349 --> 00:22:45,349 of whether they stay with the same partner 637 00:22:45,349 --> 00:22:47,109 or get a new partner and want to 638 00:22:47,109 --> 00:22:49,384 explore some things. They will, you know, 639 00:22:50,325 --> 00:22:52,325 learn about ways to play or see how 640 00:22:52,325 --> 00:22:54,184 other people do it and be inspired 641 00:22:54,565 --> 00:22:56,025 and it won't fit 642 00:22:56,325 --> 00:22:58,984 the tidy little box they're putting themselves in. 643 00:23:00,164 --> 00:23:01,465 And that can create 644 00:23:02,299 --> 00:23:04,299 some am I doing kink right moments that 645 00:23:04,299 --> 00:23:05,599 don't that are unnecessary. 646 00:23:06,619 --> 00:23:07,279 You know? 647 00:23:07,740 --> 00:23:09,900 I was thinking about this earlier. It's this 648 00:23:09,900 --> 00:23:10,720 is a danger 649 00:23:11,420 --> 00:23:13,680 that if I start thinking about my, like, 650 00:23:13,835 --> 00:23:15,855 getting into my own thoughts on a topic, 651 00:23:15,994 --> 00:23:17,434 I'll forget what they are by the time 652 00:23:17,434 --> 00:23:19,115 it's time to talk about it. This one 653 00:23:19,115 --> 00:23:20,474 kind of stuck with me because it's a 654 00:23:20,474 --> 00:23:22,315 thing I come back to a lot. When 655 00:23:22,315 --> 00:23:24,255 I have to describe myself as a kinkster, 656 00:23:24,394 --> 00:23:25,835 I don't have a single term I can 657 00:23:25,835 --> 00:23:27,454 use. I give you all the terms. 658 00:23:27,994 --> 00:23:29,214 And I'm aware 659 00:23:29,849 --> 00:23:32,089 that all those terms can mean different things 660 00:23:32,089 --> 00:23:34,410 on any given day. So if I'm describing 661 00:23:34,410 --> 00:23:34,910 myself, 662 00:23:35,289 --> 00:23:37,130 I usually say submissive, but to be most 663 00:23:37,130 --> 00:23:40,190 accurate, I mean, service submissive masochistic baby girl. 664 00:23:40,730 --> 00:23:42,650 That's a lot of shit. Right? And that 665 00:23:42,650 --> 00:23:44,349 still is just broad strokes 666 00:23:44,809 --> 00:23:45,309 because, 667 00:23:46,144 --> 00:23:48,704 broadly, most people will understand service admissive to 668 00:23:48,704 --> 00:23:51,664 a certain extent. You'll you'll understand masochist. You'll 669 00:23:51,664 --> 00:23:54,005 understand baby girl. Now I can 670 00:23:55,024 --> 00:23:56,884 drill down and tell you what that exactly 671 00:23:56,944 --> 00:23:58,625 means to me, but kind of we're working 672 00:23:58,625 --> 00:24:00,865 in within the same framework. But here's the 673 00:24:00,865 --> 00:24:01,365 reality. 674 00:24:02,049 --> 00:24:03,590 I am almost never, 675 00:24:04,289 --> 00:24:05,590 at the same time, 676 00:24:06,130 --> 00:24:08,930 all of those things at once. Right? My 677 00:24:08,930 --> 00:24:10,549 service side will come out 678 00:24:11,009 --> 00:24:13,090 in various ways and at various times. My 679 00:24:13,090 --> 00:24:15,809 masochist side is very tied to my my 680 00:24:15,809 --> 00:24:18,365 mental head space, my mental energy, and my 681 00:24:18,365 --> 00:24:21,025 mental health. Right? I can take some pain, 682 00:24:21,964 --> 00:24:24,125 you know, when I can actually relax and 683 00:24:24,125 --> 00:24:25,325 get my mind to shut up that I 684 00:24:25,325 --> 00:24:27,325 can't take if I'm tense and my mind 685 00:24:27,325 --> 00:24:28,944 is running nonstop. 686 00:24:29,244 --> 00:24:31,404 My baby girl side will sometimes be playful, 687 00:24:31,404 --> 00:24:33,139 but she'll sometimes be a a snot nosed 688 00:24:33,139 --> 00:24:35,000 little shit too, you know? 689 00:24:39,940 --> 00:24:41,539 And so if I tried to say I'm 690 00:24:41,539 --> 00:24:44,259 just this, well, whatever there is no single 691 00:24:44,259 --> 00:24:45,904 word. If I want I mean, if I 692 00:24:45,904 --> 00:24:47,105 wanna say there's a single word, I would 693 00:24:47,105 --> 00:24:47,924 just say submissive. 694 00:24:48,384 --> 00:24:49,365 Because ultimately, 695 00:24:50,625 --> 00:24:53,125 yeah, that's probably the broadest term. 696 00:24:53,585 --> 00:24:55,904 But based on the way soft BDSM is 697 00:24:55,904 --> 00:24:57,525 described in this particular definition, 698 00:24:57,849 --> 00:24:59,929 which of what I found is the absolute 699 00:24:59,929 --> 00:25:02,190 best, it only goes downhill from here. 700 00:25:03,049 --> 00:25:04,109 I would fit that. 701 00:25:04,889 --> 00:25:05,629 I mean, 702 00:25:06,569 --> 00:25:08,089 until I was like, I'm a need you 703 00:25:08,089 --> 00:25:09,069 to make it hurt. 704 00:25:09,369 --> 00:25:11,325 I'm gonna need you to make me cry. 705 00:25:11,325 --> 00:25:12,704 I'm a right? 706 00:25:13,804 --> 00:25:14,544 And that's 707 00:25:15,644 --> 00:25:18,204 from on a personal level of how I 708 00:25:18,204 --> 00:25:19,565 personally view it, we all get to view 709 00:25:19,565 --> 00:25:21,164 it the way we fucking want to. Mhmm. 710 00:25:21,164 --> 00:25:22,845 That's why I don't like terms like these. 711 00:25:22,845 --> 00:25:23,339 It boxes 712 00:25:24,460 --> 00:25:26,779 us in when it's easy to start out 713 00:25:26,779 --> 00:25:28,380 and kink and think, like, think you are 714 00:25:28,380 --> 00:25:30,460 one thing or think you check very specific 715 00:25:30,460 --> 00:25:30,960 boxes. 716 00:25:31,500 --> 00:25:33,259 You know, my experience is the more you 717 00:25:33,259 --> 00:25:35,179 explore, the more the deeper the trust goes 718 00:25:35,179 --> 00:25:37,019 with a partner. You know, you have time 719 00:25:37,019 --> 00:25:37,429 with one another. You can develop things together. 720 00:25:37,429 --> 00:25:37,549 You get comfortable enough and vulnerable enough. You're 721 00:25:37,549 --> 00:25:38,159 able to be intimate 722 00:25:39,315 --> 00:25:41,714 together, you get comfortable enough and vulnerable enough, 723 00:25:41,714 --> 00:25:44,914 you're able to be intimate enough to go 724 00:25:44,914 --> 00:25:47,634 outside of, like, you know, the the early 725 00:25:47,634 --> 00:25:49,315 boundaries you might have set for yourself in 726 00:25:49,315 --> 00:25:51,890 the very beginning. You discover shit about yourself 727 00:25:51,890 --> 00:25:53,669 you could not have anticipated. 728 00:25:54,529 --> 00:25:55,589 Not at all. 729 00:25:56,210 --> 00:25:58,450 And I would pro like, just call it 730 00:25:58,450 --> 00:26:00,529 kink, just call it BDSM, just call it 731 00:26:00,529 --> 00:26:01,029 powertrain. 732 00:26:01,490 --> 00:26:02,950 Use your broad terms 733 00:26:03,664 --> 00:26:05,825 as an understanding of, like, what it is 734 00:26:05,825 --> 00:26:07,664 you're doing, and then drill down into the 735 00:26:07,664 --> 00:26:08,565 specific terms 736 00:26:09,424 --> 00:26:11,744 that encompass you at this moment with an 737 00:26:11,744 --> 00:26:12,244 understanding 738 00:26:12,784 --> 00:26:15,444 it could and probably will change over time. 739 00:26:15,984 --> 00:26:18,339 That to me, from this angle that where 740 00:26:18,339 --> 00:26:19,539 we talk about when we try and help 741 00:26:19,539 --> 00:26:21,460 people, that to me is the danger of 742 00:26:21,460 --> 00:26:23,539 something like a soft BDSM. Because soft BDSM 743 00:26:23,539 --> 00:26:24,919 implies there's a hard BDSM, 744 00:26:25,299 --> 00:26:27,160 which doesn't make any fucking sense either. 745 00:26:29,105 --> 00:26:30,464 And, you know, well, if I'm soft, I 746 00:26:30,464 --> 00:26:32,484 can't be hard. Yeah. What does it mean 747 00:26:32,705 --> 00:26:35,025 about my identity if I've I started soft, 748 00:26:35,025 --> 00:26:36,464 but now I'm kind of Here's You know 749 00:26:36,464 --> 00:26:38,464 what I mean? Here's an interesting thing and 750 00:26:38,464 --> 00:26:39,765 and and maybe I just 751 00:26:42,384 --> 00:26:43,605 think of things differently. 752 00:26:44,009 --> 00:26:46,170 You know, if you really come down to 753 00:26:46,170 --> 00:26:46,670 it, 754 00:26:47,450 --> 00:26:48,750 it's not the BDSM 755 00:26:49,769 --> 00:26:53,150 that is soft or hard or, you know, 756 00:26:53,690 --> 00:26:55,309 it's the person. Right. 757 00:26:55,690 --> 00:26:58,830 It's the person. What you want, what you, 758 00:26:59,484 --> 00:27:00,304 you know, 759 00:27:00,845 --> 00:27:03,184 I know somebody said, and I know myself. 760 00:27:03,724 --> 00:27:04,464 You know, 761 00:27:06,204 --> 00:27:07,644 shit, now I lost my train of thought 762 00:27:07,644 --> 00:27:08,704 because damn phone. 763 00:27:16,670 --> 00:27:18,710 No. No. It'll come back to you sometimes. 764 00:27:18,710 --> 00:27:19,250 It will. 765 00:27:19,789 --> 00:27:21,710 Silent in the the chat uses the word 766 00:27:21,710 --> 00:27:23,230 that that I was not I could not 767 00:27:23,230 --> 00:27:25,070 get to, but it is yes. It is 768 00:27:25,070 --> 00:27:25,570 rigidity. 769 00:27:26,509 --> 00:27:28,289 Mhmm. It's rigid thinking. And 770 00:27:28,605 --> 00:27:30,204 plenty of people there are plenty of people 771 00:27:30,204 --> 00:27:32,525 who are not typically rigid in their thinking, 772 00:27:32,525 --> 00:27:34,125 but anybody can be rigid in your thinking. 773 00:27:34,125 --> 00:27:34,865 It could be 774 00:27:35,164 --> 00:27:36,525 from a need to air quote do this 775 00:27:36,525 --> 00:27:38,444 right. It can be a I figured out 776 00:27:38,444 --> 00:27:39,884 who I am and I'm I'm done with 777 00:27:39,884 --> 00:27:41,244 that work now. I don't have to do 778 00:27:41,244 --> 00:27:42,924 that again. It could be for all kinds 779 00:27:42,924 --> 00:27:44,065 of reasons. Right? 780 00:27:44,640 --> 00:27:46,820 And I that rigidity and 781 00:27:47,279 --> 00:27:49,599 and how we see ourselves and the terms 782 00:27:49,599 --> 00:27:51,140 we use, the labels, the identity, 783 00:27:51,759 --> 00:27:53,940 that's a problem across the spectrum of kink. 784 00:27:54,880 --> 00:27:56,820 It's just easy to pick on soft BDSM 785 00:27:56,960 --> 00:27:58,799 because I can I can already see how 786 00:27:58,799 --> 00:28:01,144 this could go wrong, You know? Yeah. There 787 00:28:01,144 --> 00:28:03,005 was a time when I thought 788 00:28:03,704 --> 00:28:04,204 that 789 00:28:04,664 --> 00:28:06,664 the most pain I might want would be 790 00:28:06,664 --> 00:28:08,825 an over the knee spank bare you know, 791 00:28:08,825 --> 00:28:11,144 bare handed spanking, and that was it. And 792 00:28:11,144 --> 00:28:13,005 now I'm you know, I haven't 793 00:28:13,599 --> 00:28:15,139 pushed much beyond that, 794 00:28:15,519 --> 00:28:18,159 but those kinds of spankings don't have to 795 00:28:18,159 --> 00:28:19,919 be, but are often seen as a kinder, 796 00:28:19,919 --> 00:28:22,879 gentler spanking than, like, big ass heavy fucking 797 00:28:22,879 --> 00:28:25,279 paddle coming down on you with full force. 798 00:28:25,279 --> 00:28:25,359 Well 799 00:28:26,134 --> 00:28:28,295 Or cane or something. Yeah. You know? Or 800 00:28:28,295 --> 00:28:30,775 any toy you hate, but you consent to 801 00:28:30,775 --> 00:28:32,775 anyway. And that's another thing. I think about 802 00:28:32,775 --> 00:28:34,134 it in terms of that, and I I 803 00:28:34,134 --> 00:28:35,815 think about the nuance, not in terms of 804 00:28:35,815 --> 00:28:37,815 soft BDSM specifically, but who I am as 805 00:28:37,815 --> 00:28:38,394 a kinkster. 806 00:28:38,809 --> 00:28:40,569 Because on one hand there are times I 807 00:28:40,569 --> 00:28:42,429 want the actual pain. Right? 808 00:28:42,730 --> 00:28:44,410 Pull my hair like you're going to take 809 00:28:44,410 --> 00:28:45,390 my scalp off. 810 00:28:45,769 --> 00:28:47,710 Hit me on the ass with whatever 811 00:28:48,890 --> 00:28:51,184 so hard, like, the neighbors are knocking on 812 00:28:51,184 --> 00:28:52,744 the door. Right? There are times when it's 813 00:28:52,744 --> 00:28:54,825 the pain that I want and then there 814 00:28:54,825 --> 00:28:56,265 are times it's not the pain that I 815 00:28:56,265 --> 00:28:58,664 want, it's the submission that I want. It's 816 00:28:58,664 --> 00:29:01,625 the I endured that for you. I understood 817 00:29:01,625 --> 00:29:02,960 what I was getting into. I could could 818 00:29:03,000 --> 00:29:05,240 I fully consented to it. I understood what 819 00:29:05,240 --> 00:29:07,880 was happening. But if you asked me, do 820 00:29:07,880 --> 00:29:09,740 I pick that? Is that what I want? 821 00:29:09,799 --> 00:29:11,099 No. It's not what I want. 822 00:29:11,400 --> 00:29:13,880 But there's another part that I'm getting from 823 00:29:13,880 --> 00:29:16,119 that. It's not the sensation that I want. 824 00:29:16,119 --> 00:29:18,845 It's the moment with you. And those can 825 00:29:18,845 --> 00:29:21,005 look gentle. They can look rough. They can 826 00:29:21,005 --> 00:29:23,265 look hard. They can look soft, like, 827 00:29:24,125 --> 00:29:24,625 whatever. 828 00:29:25,085 --> 00:29:28,065 And it's understanding the nuances of my own 829 00:29:28,684 --> 00:29:30,785 kink play, my own kink identity 830 00:29:31,164 --> 00:29:32,705 that makes me very leery 831 00:29:33,299 --> 00:29:35,880 of terms like this because they feel 832 00:29:37,059 --> 00:29:38,759 somehow both overly 833 00:29:39,460 --> 00:29:39,960 broad, 834 00:29:40,900 --> 00:29:43,799 like, and not and not and yet 835 00:29:44,900 --> 00:29:47,875 not quite enough. Because in order to define 836 00:29:47,875 --> 00:29:50,515 it like this particular subreddit community did, which 837 00:29:50,515 --> 00:29:52,595 again I actually respect them. They that's us 838 00:29:52,595 --> 00:29:54,115 sitting down and going this is what we 839 00:29:54,115 --> 00:29:55,255 mean by this, 840 00:29:55,715 --> 00:29:56,695 but it means 841 00:29:57,075 --> 00:29:58,615 that people who 842 00:29:59,819 --> 00:30:01,599 might actually fall under that definition 843 00:30:03,179 --> 00:30:05,819 will think they don't because of this element 844 00:30:05,819 --> 00:30:08,319 over here. Mhmm. Or, you know, 845 00:30:08,859 --> 00:30:09,839 people who 846 00:30:11,625 --> 00:30:12,365 don't see 847 00:30:13,545 --> 00:30:15,545 you know, are more worried about, oh, the 848 00:30:15,545 --> 00:30:17,865 big scary side of d d BDSM will 849 00:30:17,865 --> 00:30:19,384 think, like you said earlier, that you're in 850 00:30:19,384 --> 00:30:21,625 a air quote safer zone. Like, it can 851 00:30:21,625 --> 00:30:22,845 be kind of misleading. 852 00:30:23,464 --> 00:30:23,964 Yeah. 853 00:30:25,069 --> 00:30:26,590 And yeah, I'll reiterate from what I said 854 00:30:26,590 --> 00:30:29,150 at the top. On an individual level, these 855 00:30:29,150 --> 00:30:30,990 terms can be very meaningful and we get 856 00:30:30,990 --> 00:30:32,670 to put our own meaning in them. The 857 00:30:32,670 --> 00:30:34,829 reason I I one of the other reasons 858 00:30:34,829 --> 00:30:36,109 I care about that and will say that 859 00:30:36,109 --> 00:30:38,190 is I want folks to figure out what 860 00:30:38,190 --> 00:30:39,890 the hell it means to you 861 00:30:40,815 --> 00:30:42,414 once you can share that if somebody ever 862 00:30:42,414 --> 00:30:44,034 asked, but too so you are clear 863 00:30:44,575 --> 00:30:46,095 to the extent you can be at this 864 00:30:46,095 --> 00:30:47,855 moment on who you think you are right 865 00:30:47,855 --> 00:30:49,794 now, but without the rigidity 866 00:30:50,494 --> 00:30:52,034 of I can never change. 867 00:30:52,750 --> 00:30:53,869 You know? This is who I am and 868 00:30:53,869 --> 00:30:55,250 this is who I will remain. 869 00:30:56,269 --> 00:30:56,769 No. 870 00:30:57,869 --> 00:31:01,169 I mean, I guess yes, but I'm gonna 871 00:31:01,230 --> 00:31:03,390 ask five years from now are you actually 872 00:31:03,390 --> 00:31:05,470 happy or are you just doing what you 873 00:31:05,470 --> 00:31:07,214 think you're supposed to because that's the box 874 00:31:07,214 --> 00:31:08,755 you checked five years ago? 875 00:31:09,375 --> 00:31:10,755 And that's where I get skeptical. 876 00:31:12,255 --> 00:31:12,755 So, 877 00:31:14,095 --> 00:31:15,075 let's go. 878 00:31:15,694 --> 00:31:17,315 So that I will say 879 00:31:17,855 --> 00:31:21,394 was the best actual definition I found. Okay? 880 00:31:21,880 --> 00:31:23,419 Now as I was searching, 881 00:31:24,599 --> 00:31:26,279 I came across I think it's in the 882 00:31:26,279 --> 00:31:26,779 same 883 00:31:28,599 --> 00:31:29,960 no. It's in a different, 884 00:31:30,759 --> 00:31:32,779 subreddit, but it's a BDSM subreddit. 885 00:31:33,400 --> 00:31:36,615 Somebody was asking how other people define it 886 00:31:36,615 --> 00:31:38,934 for themselves. Now this is an old thread. 887 00:31:38,934 --> 00:31:40,775 It didn't get a lot of traction, so 888 00:31:40,775 --> 00:31:43,355 there's not a lot there. I have linked 889 00:31:43,894 --> 00:31:45,355 it where I can put links. 890 00:31:46,134 --> 00:31:49,115 The one person's response resonated the most 891 00:31:49,930 --> 00:31:51,529 and I did the whole quote because I 892 00:31:51,529 --> 00:31:54,330 think the last sentence actually shows the difference 893 00:31:54,330 --> 00:31:55,150 of how we, 894 00:31:56,410 --> 00:31:57,930 define these things and that how that can 895 00:31:57,930 --> 00:31:59,950 be tricky. So what the person said was 896 00:32:00,250 --> 00:32:02,144 in, you know, how what does soft or 897 00:32:02,144 --> 00:32:03,664 hard BDSM mean to you? How do you 898 00:32:03,664 --> 00:32:05,345 define that for yourself? Which I appreciated that 899 00:32:05,345 --> 00:32:07,424 person's question because they understood we all define 900 00:32:07,424 --> 00:32:08,965 these things for ourselves. Right? 901 00:32:09,345 --> 00:32:11,125 This person said, I think it all depends 902 00:32:11,184 --> 00:32:12,725 and can be arbitrary 903 00:32:13,105 --> 00:32:13,605 categorization. 904 00:32:14,940 --> 00:32:16,940 It can also create a need to prove 905 00:32:16,940 --> 00:32:18,319 yourself to be hardcore. 906 00:32:18,619 --> 00:32:20,700 Right? Oh, I'm not soft if you reject 907 00:32:20,700 --> 00:32:21,839 soft. Well, that means 908 00:32:22,140 --> 00:32:23,039 for some people, 909 00:32:23,419 --> 00:32:25,179 oh, I I must be hardcore. I'm not 910 00:32:25,259 --> 00:32:27,419 right? But then what they said was, because 911 00:32:27,419 --> 00:32:29,644 this is how subjective this shit is, if 912 00:32:29,644 --> 00:32:30,705 I had to classify 913 00:32:31,164 --> 00:32:32,464 soft versus hard, 914 00:32:32,845 --> 00:32:35,244 I would base it on risk. And here's 915 00:32:35,244 --> 00:32:35,984 the thing. 916 00:32:36,445 --> 00:32:38,945 Yeah. That too has its own subjectivity 917 00:32:39,404 --> 00:32:41,904 to it. Right. Because most people 918 00:32:42,359 --> 00:32:44,839 will classify risk based on physical harm. Are 919 00:32:44,839 --> 00:32:46,839 you going to bleed? Is something going to 920 00:32:46,839 --> 00:32:49,079 fall off? Are you going to die? Yeah. 921 00:32:49,079 --> 00:32:51,259 Because each person's risk assessment 922 00:32:52,279 --> 00:32:54,759 is gonna be different from your Exactly. Risk 923 00:32:54,759 --> 00:32:56,884 assessment. And it often this person didn't. I'm 924 00:32:56,884 --> 00:32:58,884 not putting words in this person's mouth. But 925 00:32:58,884 --> 00:33:00,404 often when we talk about risk and people 926 00:33:00,404 --> 00:33:02,164 are like, oh, that's a lower risk thing, 927 00:33:02,164 --> 00:33:04,884 what can often happen is they dismiss the 928 00:33:04,884 --> 00:33:06,105 power of emotional 929 00:33:06,644 --> 00:33:07,465 and mental 930 00:33:08,164 --> 00:33:10,805 risk that cert even what seems like very 931 00:33:10,805 --> 00:33:13,539 basic from the outside. You know, an emotion 932 00:33:13,839 --> 00:33:15,059 a risk that you 933 00:33:15,599 --> 00:33:16,500 have in 934 00:33:16,799 --> 00:33:18,579 all types of kink play, but 935 00:33:19,279 --> 00:33:22,240 sometimes it's specific types. Is does this thing 936 00:33:22,240 --> 00:33:24,640 become a person's trigger from now on? Is 937 00:33:24,640 --> 00:33:25,279 this thing 938 00:33:25,884 --> 00:33:27,644 you you plan for it, you try, you 939 00:33:27,644 --> 00:33:28,944 thought it was gonna be, like, 940 00:33:29,325 --> 00:33:31,265 your everyday scene and now it's a traumatic 941 00:33:31,325 --> 00:33:33,105 event in someone's life? 942 00:33:33,484 --> 00:33:35,424 Like, you know, I kind of 943 00:33:36,125 --> 00:33:39,184 yes. The physical risks are the most obvious 944 00:33:39,484 --> 00:33:42,519 and the ones that can lead to actual 945 00:33:42,579 --> 00:33:43,079 death 946 00:33:43,859 --> 00:33:46,579 or at minimum a trip to the hospital. 947 00:33:46,579 --> 00:33:49,139 And yes, we all should be very careful 948 00:33:49,139 --> 00:33:51,079 about those, but the mental and emotional 949 00:33:51,380 --> 00:33:51,880 risks 950 00:33:52,980 --> 00:33:55,000 are can often be, 951 00:33:55,779 --> 00:33:56,440 you know, 952 00:33:57,535 --> 00:34:00,275 like they last the length of your lifetime 953 00:34:00,335 --> 00:34:03,215 sometimes. Mhmm. They change the trajectory of your 954 00:34:03,215 --> 00:34:05,795 life sometimes. Yes. And so to 955 00:34:06,815 --> 00:34:08,755 not, you know, to dismiss 956 00:34:09,695 --> 00:34:12,110 what I mean is risk also becomes suggestive 957 00:34:12,349 --> 00:34:13,650 subjective at that point. 958 00:34:14,030 --> 00:34:16,829 My you know, I purposely don't want to 959 00:34:16,829 --> 00:34:18,590 play in ways where I'm risking my actual 960 00:34:18,590 --> 00:34:20,829 physical health that much. Right? Right. I'm not 961 00:34:20,829 --> 00:34:22,829 interested in playing to the point of, oh, 962 00:34:22,829 --> 00:34:24,829 you might have to call 911 now. I'm 963 00:34:24,989 --> 00:34:26,972 that's not how I want to play. But 964 00:34:26,972 --> 00:34:29,406 I know that there are times where we 965 00:34:29,406 --> 00:34:31,841 don't do role play because I don't like 966 00:34:31,841 --> 00:34:34,276 that but JB does and I just respond 967 00:34:34,276 --> 00:34:36,710 appropriately. He's a one man show and I'm 968 00:34:36,710 --> 00:34:39,754 over there going yes daddy, and it works 969 00:34:39,754 --> 00:34:42,239 for us. But it is entirely possible 970 00:34:42,780 --> 00:34:44,539 he could say a thing or we could 971 00:34:44,539 --> 00:34:46,000 do a thing that 972 00:34:46,940 --> 00:34:48,880 I mean, I I could be having nightmares 973 00:34:48,940 --> 00:34:50,880 for weeks or months. That was not intended. 974 00:34:50,940 --> 00:34:52,700 We couldn't have even fucking planned for that, 975 00:34:52,700 --> 00:34:54,140 but now we have to live with it. 976 00:34:54,140 --> 00:34:55,920 And based on what it is 977 00:34:56,300 --> 00:34:58,094 and and how I respond and what it 978 00:34:58,094 --> 00:34:59,554 does to me mentally, well, 979 00:35:00,974 --> 00:35:03,535 is that not on some sometimes on the 980 00:35:03,535 --> 00:35:04,355 same level 981 00:35:05,375 --> 00:35:07,375 as, oopsie now my arm's on a cast. 982 00:35:07,375 --> 00:35:08,974 We didn't mean for that to happen. You 983 00:35:08,974 --> 00:35:10,275 know what I mean? Yep. 984 00:35:11,599 --> 00:35:13,680 So I point that person's response out to 985 00:35:13,680 --> 00:35:15,199 say, you know, some people are talking about 986 00:35:15,199 --> 00:35:18,000 soft, like the the other community on, oh, 987 00:35:18,000 --> 00:35:20,559 well, you're gentle. You're a caregiver. It's about, 988 00:35:20,559 --> 00:35:21,059 like, 989 00:35:21,599 --> 00:35:22,099 calm, 990 00:35:22,684 --> 00:35:24,284 nurturing things and not about the pain. And 991 00:35:24,284 --> 00:35:26,125 this person's like, actually, it's about risk. Well, 992 00:35:26,125 --> 00:35:28,625 then what the fuck is it about? Nobody 993 00:35:28,925 --> 00:35:31,264 knows. Right? Yeah. Nobody knows. 994 00:35:31,565 --> 00:35:34,204 Yeah. But I liked that too. Okay. So 995 00:35:34,204 --> 00:35:36,211 here's where we get into the point where 996 00:35:36,211 --> 00:35:38,775 I was starting to go, what the fuck? 997 00:35:38,775 --> 00:35:41,980 What the fuck? Because here Okay. Here was 998 00:35:41,980 --> 00:35:44,545 the problem. Okay? I'm gonna skip my notes 999 00:35:44,545 --> 00:35:47,108 to get to the point of why this 1000 00:35:47,108 --> 00:35:49,672 was a problem. So come across a whole 1001 00:35:49,672 --> 00:35:52,255 ass community on Reddit of soft BDSM. 1002 00:35:52,954 --> 00:35:54,075 I knew it was not the first time 1003 00:35:54,075 --> 00:35:55,355 I'd heard it, but it's not something I 1004 00:35:55,355 --> 00:35:56,894 hear all the time. It's not like, 1005 00:35:57,275 --> 00:35:58,255 you know, fucking 1006 00:35:59,515 --> 00:36:00,015 the 1007 00:36:00,315 --> 00:36:02,635 does anybody remember the day caller conversation that 1008 00:36:02,635 --> 00:36:04,369 had nothing to do with kinksters? They were 1009 00:36:04,369 --> 00:36:06,449 either trad wives or domestic discipline or something 1010 00:36:06,449 --> 00:36:07,650 something, and they were like, I have a 1011 00:36:07,650 --> 00:36:09,329 day caller, and we're all like, what are 1012 00:36:09,329 --> 00:36:10,309 you saying? Right? 1013 00:36:10,690 --> 00:36:11,750 It wasn't at that 1014 00:36:12,050 --> 00:36:14,230 rate of prevalence. It was not trending 1015 00:36:14,849 --> 00:36:17,025 in the spaces I'm at. So I'm like, 1016 00:36:17,644 --> 00:36:19,324 is this being talked about? Let me go. 1017 00:36:19,324 --> 00:36:21,644 And I went multiple routes. Okay? I was 1018 00:36:21,644 --> 00:36:23,885 on Evie's YouTube channel going, has she ever 1019 00:36:23,885 --> 00:36:25,485 talked about this? If she has, I couldn't 1020 00:36:25,485 --> 00:36:26,144 find it. 1021 00:36:26,684 --> 00:36:28,929 I was on Instagram looking looking up the 1022 00:36:28,929 --> 00:36:31,969 tag soft BDSM, softer BDSM. Mhmm. I could 1023 00:36:31,969 --> 00:36:35,170 find content that either Instagram kinda tagged it 1024 00:36:35,170 --> 00:36:36,449 that way or they had tagged, but that 1025 00:36:36,449 --> 00:36:38,210 wasn't what they were their conversation was. Their 1026 00:36:38,210 --> 00:36:41,264 conversation was communication. It was relationship styles. It 1027 00:36:41,264 --> 00:36:43,025 was mental health. And I'm like, what the 1028 00:36:43,025 --> 00:36:44,625 fuck does this have to do with soft 1029 00:36:44,625 --> 00:36:47,284 BDSM? Like it's not specific to soft BDSM. 1030 00:36:47,984 --> 00:36:49,364 I did a Google search, 1031 00:36:49,984 --> 00:36:52,944 for, for TikToks because those are you can 1032 00:36:52,944 --> 00:36:55,139 find TikToks on a Google search if you, 1033 00:36:55,139 --> 00:36:56,819 you know, or look at for them. And 1034 00:36:56,819 --> 00:36:58,739 I could see people kind of talking about 1035 00:36:58,739 --> 00:36:59,719 it, but not 1036 00:37:00,819 --> 00:37:03,299 not from my glance at, like, some great 1037 00:37:03,299 --> 00:37:06,099 amount because quite frankly, when you search soft 1038 00:37:06,099 --> 00:37:06,599 BDSM 1039 00:37:08,125 --> 00:37:10,204 you come up with soft limits, hard limits. 1040 00:37:10,204 --> 00:37:11,905 I was like, that's a different conversation. 1041 00:37:12,204 --> 00:37:13,425 We've had that conversation. 1042 00:37:13,965 --> 00:37:16,285 I went to FetLife. I'm like, are there 1043 00:37:16,285 --> 00:37:18,765 groups? Are there I looked under groups. I 1044 00:37:18,765 --> 00:37:19,905 looked under writing. 1045 00:37:20,204 --> 00:37:22,045 People would talk about they would use the 1046 00:37:22,045 --> 00:37:24,989 term soft or softer in their writing, but 1047 00:37:24,989 --> 00:37:27,170 the topic was not soft BDSM. 1048 00:37:27,470 --> 00:37:30,750 Not The algorithm or however FetLife's search results 1049 00:37:30,750 --> 00:37:32,829 work did not pull up anything for me. 1050 00:37:32,829 --> 00:37:35,070 And I'm like, then where the fuck is 1051 00:37:35,070 --> 00:37:35,934 this coming 1052 00:37:37,994 --> 00:37:40,474 from? Other than Reddit Mhmm. And I'm sure 1053 00:37:40,474 --> 00:37:42,554 there are people, like, in communities and, yep, 1054 00:37:42,554 --> 00:37:45,114 clearly the subreddit. You know, somebody's talking about 1055 00:37:45,114 --> 00:37:46,635 it. But here's where I fucking found it, 1056 00:37:46,635 --> 00:37:48,795 and here's where I got annoyed. Because some 1057 00:37:48,795 --> 00:37:49,295 people 1058 00:37:49,789 --> 00:37:51,489 don't go to FetLife first. 1059 00:37:51,869 --> 00:37:53,389 If they don't see what they want on 1060 00:37:53,389 --> 00:37:55,710 their social media platform of choice, they do 1061 00:37:55,710 --> 00:37:56,849 go to Google. 1062 00:37:57,469 --> 00:37:58,289 And Google's 1063 00:37:58,670 --> 00:38:01,230 fucking AI results, which I fucking hate. I 1064 00:38:01,230 --> 00:38:02,449 hate the AI results. 1065 00:38:04,119 --> 00:38:04,619 Will 1066 00:38:05,015 --> 00:38:05,914 do a conglomeration 1067 00:38:06,295 --> 00:38:08,315 of something from what it thinks the top 1068 00:38:08,695 --> 00:38:11,335 resources are. And if the resources are shit, 1069 00:38:11,335 --> 00:38:13,195 then the answer is shit. 1070 00:38:13,815 --> 00:38:16,375 And I am personally offended by that, okay? 1071 00:38:16,375 --> 00:38:17,355 Because here 1072 00:38:18,369 --> 00:38:19,349 were the fucking 1073 00:38:20,050 --> 00:38:22,449 answers I got. Some of the sites I 1074 00:38:22,449 --> 00:38:23,969 found, like, one was a sex toy shop 1075 00:38:23,969 --> 00:38:26,230 that had a blog element. One was like 1076 00:38:26,250 --> 00:38:29,170 a an adult, like, online magazine kind of 1077 00:38:29,170 --> 00:38:30,769 thing photos. I can't link to any of 1078 00:38:30,769 --> 00:38:32,824 it on YouTube because YouTube will smack my 1079 00:38:33,045 --> 00:38:35,065 hand. But here are some of the fucking 1080 00:38:36,484 --> 00:38:38,405 definitions I got. And this is where I 1081 00:38:38,405 --> 00:38:40,484 was like, are you fucking kidding me? So 1082 00:38:40,484 --> 00:38:43,625 from one website, soft BDSM is a lighter, 1083 00:38:43,684 --> 00:38:46,105 more accessible version of BDSM 1084 00:38:46,724 --> 00:38:49,639 ideal for beginners who wish to be introduced 1085 00:38:49,639 --> 00:38:51,659 to this world in a gentle way. 1086 00:38:52,199 --> 00:38:55,159 In soft BDSM, pain and humiliation are generally 1087 00:38:55,159 --> 00:38:57,400 limited, and the practices are more sensual and 1088 00:38:57,400 --> 00:38:57,900 erotic. 1089 00:38:58,839 --> 00:39:00,760 Hard BDSM, in this particular case, they were 1090 00:39:00,760 --> 00:39:02,460 like, okay. There's a soft, here's a hard. 1091 00:39:02,694 --> 00:39:04,614 Hard BDSM, on the other hand, is for 1092 00:39:04,614 --> 00:39:07,835 the more experienced and thrill seeking individuals. 1093 00:39:08,454 --> 00:39:11,174 In hard BDSM, the pain, humiliation, and control 1094 00:39:11,174 --> 00:39:13,255 are more intense and the practices can be 1095 00:39:13,255 --> 00:39:14,155 more extreme. 1096 00:39:15,255 --> 00:39:16,234 I feel like 1097 00:39:16,849 --> 00:39:19,250 many words were used and yet nothing was 1098 00:39:19,250 --> 00:39:21,489 fucking said, but that's just me. And then 1099 00:39:21,489 --> 00:39:24,150 somebody else another website I have two more. 1100 00:39:25,329 --> 00:39:26,309 From another website, 1101 00:39:26,610 --> 00:39:29,190 soft BDSM refers to lighter, more approachable 1102 00:39:29,809 --> 00:39:31,030 BDSM practices 1103 00:39:31,405 --> 00:39:33,425 that focus on sensuality and connection. 1104 00:39:34,125 --> 00:39:36,365 Because the harder BDSM, it does not give 1105 00:39:36,365 --> 00:39:38,684 me a fuck about connection? Anyway, this is 1106 00:39:38,684 --> 00:39:39,585 where I get annoyed. 1107 00:39:40,365 --> 00:39:43,739 Unlike intense scenes in a dungeon, soft BDSM 1108 00:39:43,900 --> 00:39:45,360 allows couples to experiment 1109 00:39:46,219 --> 00:39:49,039 with power dynamics, light restraint, light restraint, 1110 00:39:49,659 --> 00:39:52,380 and sensation play all while staying within their 1111 00:39:52,380 --> 00:39:53,360 comfort zones. 1112 00:39:53,820 --> 00:39:55,500 I get to stay in my comfort zone 1113 00:39:55,500 --> 00:39:57,344 no matter how hardcore we get. 1114 00:39:58,224 --> 00:40:01,264 Anyway, and then and then this one, this 1115 00:40:01,264 --> 00:40:03,344 one had me cussing and JB came to 1116 00:40:03,344 --> 00:40:05,264 look at what I was looking at like, 1117 00:40:05,264 --> 00:40:06,244 what? What? 1118 00:40:06,784 --> 00:40:08,945 This was from the sex toy shop that 1119 00:40:08,945 --> 00:40:10,704 just had a blog component, wanted to come 1120 00:40:10,704 --> 00:40:12,480 up and search. I get how that works. 1121 00:40:13,119 --> 00:40:15,300 Soft kink is just for beginners. 1122 00:40:16,719 --> 00:40:19,119 And then it goes on to mention, like, 1123 00:40:19,119 --> 00:40:21,599 several things beginners can do. Now beginners can 1124 00:40:21,599 --> 00:40:23,199 do whatever. I beg you to do some 1125 00:40:23,199 --> 00:40:24,900 research first. Start 1126 00:40:25,280 --> 00:40:27,695 where your kinky heart guides you the most, 1127 00:40:27,695 --> 00:40:28,515 like, please. 1128 00:40:28,894 --> 00:40:29,394 But 1129 00:40:30,655 --> 00:40:32,275 in their beginners list 1130 00:40:32,894 --> 00:40:33,635 is vloggers 1131 00:40:34,414 --> 00:40:35,635 and wax play. 1132 00:40:36,015 --> 00:40:37,394 Now can beginners 1133 00:40:37,775 --> 00:40:38,755 use that? Yeah? 1134 00:40:39,695 --> 00:40:40,515 But I 1135 00:40:41,380 --> 00:40:44,099 I don't categorize anything as soft or hard 1136 00:40:44,099 --> 00:40:46,340 fucking kink. Yeah. But I'm not sure if 1137 00:40:46,340 --> 00:40:47,880 I were to that 1138 00:40:48,340 --> 00:40:51,460 vloggers and hot wax are gonna come under 1139 00:40:51,460 --> 00:40:53,639 soft to me. That that 1140 00:40:54,364 --> 00:40:54,864 unsettles 1141 00:40:55,644 --> 00:40:56,784 me a bit. Okay? 1142 00:40:58,364 --> 00:40:59,184 You know, 1143 00:41:00,125 --> 00:41:02,704 vloggers? I mean, yeah. Vloggers can be 1144 00:41:04,204 --> 00:41:05,885 gentle. Sure. They can. But you have to 1145 00:41:05,885 --> 00:41:07,380 know what the fuck you're doing with it. 1146 00:41:07,380 --> 00:41:09,219 I I I have that small flogger that 1147 00:41:09,219 --> 00:41:11,539 I use on you sometimes. That's Sure. Like 1148 00:41:11,539 --> 00:41:13,559 a soft warm up flogger. 1149 00:41:13,859 --> 00:41:15,780 That's what I use it for. They bring 1150 00:41:15,780 --> 00:41:17,000 out the bigger stuff. 1151 00:41:17,619 --> 00:41:18,119 But 1152 00:41:18,704 --> 00:41:20,164 you know I I 1153 00:41:21,265 --> 00:41:23,204 don't know if I consider myself lucky 1154 00:41:23,505 --> 00:41:26,385 that I fell into the community the way 1155 00:41:26,385 --> 00:41:27,525 I did at the time. 1156 00:41:27,985 --> 00:41:30,465 And, and that I I learned things that 1157 00:41:30,465 --> 00:41:32,539 you know you just don't pick up a 1158 00:41:32,539 --> 00:41:34,800 flogger and start swinging into somebody. 1159 00:41:35,900 --> 00:41:38,059 Okay? You know, yeah, it can be fun, 1160 00:41:38,059 --> 00:41:40,059 but damn it if you do something wrong 1161 00:41:40,619 --> 00:41:44,239 Mhmm. Okay, there's gonna be some hurt. Right. 1162 00:41:44,619 --> 00:41:46,059 And it you don't even have to be 1163 00:41:46,059 --> 00:41:47,974 going that hard. Mm-mm. All you have to 1164 00:41:47,974 --> 00:41:49,735 do is, like, miss aim a little bit. 1165 00:41:49,735 --> 00:41:51,355 Miss aim, what do you you know, it's 1166 00:41:52,135 --> 00:41:53,974 You've act I mean, it doesn't matter how 1167 00:41:53,974 --> 00:41:55,255 long you've been doing it, anybody can make 1168 00:41:55,255 --> 00:41:56,775 mistakes. Anybody can make mistakes. You were slogging 1169 00:41:56,775 --> 00:41:58,855 me the other night and your aim went 1170 00:41:58,855 --> 00:42:00,315 weird and we got lucky. 1171 00:42:00,775 --> 00:42:02,219 Mhmm. Look, I don't 1172 00:42:02,940 --> 00:42:03,679 we don't 1173 00:42:04,380 --> 00:42:07,099 flog or do impact on my actual asshole. 1174 00:42:07,099 --> 00:42:08,960 That's not a thing I wanna do. 1175 00:42:09,340 --> 00:42:11,739 So when he's flogging me and those very 1176 00:42:11,739 --> 00:42:14,639 stingy strands of leather or suede or whatever 1177 00:42:15,255 --> 00:42:17,335 go right up my ass crack. We are 1178 00:42:17,335 --> 00:42:19,014 both on high alert because that's not the 1179 00:42:19,014 --> 00:42:21,335 good kind of pain. And he normally avoids 1180 00:42:21,335 --> 00:42:23,194 it and it happened because the mistake 1181 00:42:23,494 --> 00:42:25,574 happens. And he and JB went, are you 1182 00:42:25,574 --> 00:42:27,094 okay? I was like, we're good. You keep 1183 00:42:27,094 --> 00:42:29,710 going. Just just watch your name there. 1184 00:42:30,409 --> 00:42:32,329 And that is somebody who's been flogging. You've 1185 00:42:32,329 --> 00:42:34,889 been doing vloggers for what? How fifteen to 1186 00:42:34,889 --> 00:42:36,909 twenty years? Yeah. And it 1187 00:42:37,210 --> 00:42:38,109 it it can happen. 1188 00:42:38,489 --> 00:42:41,210 Right. And it was a relatively gentle flogging. 1189 00:42:41,210 --> 00:42:43,210 Like, it wasn't overly painful, but that was 1190 00:42:43,210 --> 00:42:45,515 a sensitive spot. Mhmm. And so that was 1191 00:42:45,515 --> 00:42:47,835 overly painful. So the reason I bring these 1192 00:42:47,835 --> 00:42:50,555 up is, one, there's no goddamn consensus on 1193 00:42:50,555 --> 00:42:53,595 what fucking ever soft BDSM is. The only 1194 00:42:53,595 --> 00:42:54,075 kinks 1195 00:42:54,635 --> 00:42:55,615 like, kink 1196 00:42:56,075 --> 00:42:58,095 informed definition I found 1197 00:42:58,715 --> 00:42:59,215 was 1198 00:42:59,849 --> 00:43:03,289 that subreddit on BDSM. Right? Mhmm. Which again, 1199 00:43:03,289 --> 00:43:05,130 semantically I can pick it all apart, but 1200 00:43:05,130 --> 00:43:06,890 I respect the fact they went, this is 1201 00:43:06,890 --> 00:43:07,849 this is our community, this is what I 1202 00:43:07,849 --> 00:43:09,369 mean. Okay. I get to disagree with it, 1203 00:43:09,369 --> 00:43:11,289 but they couldn't live their best fucking air 1204 00:43:11,289 --> 00:43:13,289 quotes off BDSM life and more power to 1205 00:43:13,289 --> 00:43:13,789 them. 1206 00:43:14,170 --> 00:43:15,824 But let us be real. 1207 00:43:16,224 --> 00:43:18,464 People, like, little baby kinksters, they do not 1208 00:43:18,464 --> 00:43:21,184 go to fucking FetLife first. They will probably 1209 00:43:21,184 --> 00:43:23,905 do their social media platform of choice, and 1210 00:43:23,905 --> 00:43:24,964 then many 1211 00:43:25,344 --> 00:43:27,184 and I know this because I've had websites 1212 00:43:27,184 --> 00:43:29,045 for fifteen fucking years now 1213 00:43:29,425 --> 00:43:29,925 many 1214 00:43:30,545 --> 00:43:32,840 are going to Google. Right. So what comes 1215 00:43:32,840 --> 00:43:35,800 up in Google actually matters to like, we 1216 00:43:35,800 --> 00:43:37,880 have to fucking care a little bit if 1217 00:43:37,880 --> 00:43:39,960 we I say, well, we on this side 1218 00:43:39,960 --> 00:43:41,320 of the microphone have to keep because that's 1219 00:43:41,320 --> 00:43:43,400 where people are getting information. People find their 1220 00:43:43,400 --> 00:43:44,219 way to Tumblr. 1221 00:43:44,565 --> 00:43:46,565 Oh, I have a Tumblr one and Where 1222 00:43:46,565 --> 00:43:47,545 where, you know, 1223 00:43:47,925 --> 00:43:50,585 and, you know, they find their way to 1224 00:43:50,644 --> 00:43:51,464 to porn. 1225 00:43:51,925 --> 00:43:53,784 You know, written Yes. You know, I mean, 1226 00:43:53,925 --> 00:43:54,425 and 1227 00:43:55,204 --> 00:43:56,505 and there is definitely 1228 00:43:57,309 --> 00:43:58,210 such an unrealistic 1229 00:43:59,469 --> 00:44:01,869 Yes, very much so. Okay. Now here's what's 1230 00:44:01,869 --> 00:44:02,690 kind of hilarious. 1231 00:44:03,150 --> 00:44:05,549 I tried soft BDSM ver like, these are 1232 00:44:05,549 --> 00:44:08,109 my search terms. Soft BDSM versus hard BDSM. 1233 00:44:08,109 --> 00:44:09,230 Well, then I got a lot of stuff 1234 00:44:09,230 --> 00:44:11,150 on limits and I found some stuff, like, 1235 00:44:11,150 --> 00:44:13,054 the stuff the crap I've been reading out 1236 00:44:13,054 --> 00:44:15,135 loud these past few websites. Alright. Then I 1237 00:44:15,135 --> 00:44:16,674 was like, well let's try soft kink. 1238 00:44:17,214 --> 00:44:19,214 Kind of the same stuff came up. Then 1239 00:44:19,214 --> 00:44:20,194 I was like, well 1240 00:44:20,574 --> 00:44:21,635 hard BDSM? 1241 00:44:22,494 --> 00:44:24,654 You would not be surprised that the only 1242 00:44:24,654 --> 00:44:26,099 thing that came up in that search was 1243 00:44:26,099 --> 00:44:29,239 all hardcore BDSM porn. And I was like, 1244 00:44:30,019 --> 00:44:32,339 that's not I mean okay, but that's not 1245 00:44:32,339 --> 00:44:33,319 for what I need. 1246 00:44:33,779 --> 00:44:35,940 What that kinda tells me is within the 1247 00:44:35,940 --> 00:44:36,440 community 1248 00:44:37,059 --> 00:44:37,960 at writ large, 1249 00:44:38,465 --> 00:44:40,385 this is not a com these are not 1250 00:44:40,385 --> 00:44:42,224 common terms. That doesn't mean people don't use 1251 00:44:42,224 --> 00:44:44,625 them. Maybe it's a social media thing that 1252 00:44:44,625 --> 00:44:46,005 bled over other places. 1253 00:44:46,625 --> 00:44:49,025 Maybe, like, there were secret Facebook groups and 1254 00:44:49,025 --> 00:44:51,010 it kind of branched out from there. I 1255 00:44:51,010 --> 00:44:52,710 don't know. I don't know where it originates. 1256 00:44:52,769 --> 00:44:55,349 I can't find anything. I can't even find 1257 00:44:55,970 --> 00:44:58,869 consistent, like, ways of defining it. 1258 00:44:59,170 --> 00:45:01,030 But here's what I know about 1259 00:45:01,730 --> 00:45:04,130 the kind of the generic websites that are 1260 00:45:04,130 --> 00:45:06,255 just trying to rank for certain terms. You 1261 00:45:06,335 --> 00:45:07,454 you know, like one was, 1262 00:45:08,174 --> 00:45:09,474 the site was like playful 1263 00:45:09,855 --> 00:45:12,335 something. It was like playful magazine and most 1264 00:45:12,335 --> 00:45:14,094 of most of what I saw was like 1265 00:45:14,094 --> 00:45:16,974 photography, like erotic photography. Well, that's actually what 1266 00:45:16,974 --> 00:45:18,335 they're there for, but they wanna rank for 1267 00:45:18,335 --> 00:45:18,809 something so 1268 00:45:20,730 --> 00:45:20,872 people can find it. One, I definitely can't 1269 00:45:20,872 --> 00:45:22,110 link to on YouTube because 1270 00:45:22,570 --> 00:45:25,369 they were talking about, like, pro doms that 1271 00:45:25,369 --> 00:45:27,369 you hire, and if you want the soft 1272 00:45:27,369 --> 00:45:29,369 BDSM you hire this is how you work 1273 00:45:29,369 --> 00:45:30,430 with that pro dom. 1274 00:45:31,184 --> 00:45:33,505 Dom. The hard BDSM. Like, it was very 1275 00:45:33,505 --> 00:45:36,005 clear we were talking about hiring a professional 1276 00:45:36,065 --> 00:45:36,565 here. 1277 00:45:37,744 --> 00:45:38,805 But, again, 1278 00:45:39,505 --> 00:45:40,244 you know, 1279 00:45:41,105 --> 00:45:43,265 I it matters to me because that's how 1280 00:45:43,265 --> 00:45:44,724 a lot of people are going 1281 00:45:45,630 --> 00:45:47,309 to go try to learn about a term. 1282 00:45:47,309 --> 00:45:50,190 Right? Mhmm. And with AI being enmeshed in 1283 00:45:50,190 --> 00:45:51,650 fucking Google searches, 1284 00:45:52,109 --> 00:45:54,670 AI compiles from what it considers the top 1285 00:45:54,670 --> 00:45:56,190 sources the best sources. I don't under I 1286 00:45:56,190 --> 00:45:57,949 don't know how exactly it picks who it 1287 00:45:57,949 --> 00:45:59,010 picks. But 1288 00:45:59,549 --> 00:46:01,234 if that's if you searched 1289 00:46:01,534 --> 00:46:04,174 soft BDSM and AI actually fucking work because 1290 00:46:04,174 --> 00:46:06,734 it doesn't always, and the conglomeration of what 1291 00:46:06,734 --> 00:46:09,375 soft BDSM is is was from those websites 1292 00:46:09,375 --> 00:46:10,974 that was like, oh, it's for beginners. Oh, 1293 00:46:10,974 --> 00:46:12,894 it's for, like, those crap ones, not the 1294 00:46:12,894 --> 00:46:13,394 subreddit. 1295 00:46:14,014 --> 00:46:14,514 Then 1296 00:46:15,110 --> 00:46:16,730 you're poorly misinformed 1297 00:46:17,110 --> 00:46:18,730 when you're learning about it. 1298 00:46:19,429 --> 00:46:21,670 But it and then the other thing to 1299 00:46:21,670 --> 00:46:24,150 understand about content, every one of us has 1300 00:46:24,150 --> 00:46:25,750 come across this you just might not know 1301 00:46:25,750 --> 00:46:28,309 you did. So what will often happen is 1302 00:46:28,309 --> 00:46:30,534 one or two sites they could be they 1303 00:46:30,534 --> 00:46:31,355 could be major 1304 00:46:31,894 --> 00:46:33,434 media sites, they can be 1305 00:46:33,735 --> 00:46:36,635 little rando sites will write about a topic. 1306 00:46:36,695 --> 00:46:37,195 Okay? 1307 00:46:37,815 --> 00:46:39,655 And then maybe that trends for a while, 1308 00:46:39,655 --> 00:46:41,655 maybe it comes up as a search. Some 1309 00:46:41,655 --> 00:46:43,059 some other site goes, we want to write 1310 00:46:43,059 --> 00:46:44,659 about that topic too. We want to rank 1311 00:46:44,659 --> 00:46:46,900 in Google for that topic. Well they go 1312 00:46:46,900 --> 00:46:48,440 to Google to do their research. 1313 00:46:48,819 --> 00:46:50,339 Who do they pull from if they don't 1314 00:46:50,339 --> 00:46:52,980 have personal lived experience on a thing? They 1315 00:46:52,980 --> 00:46:54,679 pull from the previous sites 1316 00:46:54,980 --> 00:46:56,819 who have written about it. Now if site 1317 00:46:56,819 --> 00:46:57,719 one and two 1318 00:46:58,605 --> 00:47:01,965 were completely incorrect in how they categorized it, 1319 00:47:01,965 --> 00:47:03,885 in my opinion, like the last few websites 1320 00:47:03,885 --> 00:47:05,905 I just read from, that means 1321 00:47:06,284 --> 00:47:09,744 sites three, four, five, six, seven just regurgitate. 1322 00:47:09,965 --> 00:47:11,730 This is very common in online content 1323 00:47:12,670 --> 00:47:14,989 the misinformation from the original sites you wrote 1324 00:47:14,989 --> 00:47:16,050 about it. So it just 1325 00:47:16,349 --> 00:47:18,349 it just proliferates and you never get a 1326 00:47:18,349 --> 00:47:19,250 real understanding. 1327 00:47:20,349 --> 00:47:22,349 Well, that's bad for all kinds of things 1328 00:47:22,349 --> 00:47:24,510 when you're trying to learn about topics, but 1329 00:47:24,510 --> 00:47:26,175 I bring it back to kink. That ain't 1330 00:47:26,175 --> 00:47:26,675 good 1331 00:47:27,454 --> 00:47:28,574 if a lot of people start with a 1332 00:47:28,574 --> 00:47:29,394 Google search. 1333 00:47:30,335 --> 00:47:32,015 Whether you're writing about kink or you're trying 1334 00:47:32,015 --> 00:47:33,614 to understand a topic or you're like, oh 1335 00:47:33,614 --> 00:47:34,815 I think that might be the kink I'm 1336 00:47:34,815 --> 00:47:35,315 into, 1337 00:47:35,775 --> 00:47:37,555 it's bad information compounded 1338 00:47:38,500 --> 00:47:40,500 over and over again and then a Google 1339 00:47:40,500 --> 00:47:42,900 search goes, these are the top ones. This 1340 00:47:42,900 --> 00:47:44,980 is what it must mean. Kinksters know that's 1341 00:47:44,980 --> 00:47:46,519 not what it fucking means. 1342 00:47:46,820 --> 00:47:47,320 Thankfully, 1343 00:47:47,619 --> 00:47:48,119 Reddit's 1344 00:47:48,500 --> 00:47:50,119 subreddits still show up 1345 00:47:50,579 --> 00:47:51,320 in Google. 1346 00:47:51,700 --> 00:47:52,920 Quite frankly, I 1347 00:47:53,295 --> 00:47:54,414 I learned I get a lot of my 1348 00:47:54,414 --> 00:47:56,114 information these days from different subreddits. 1349 00:47:56,574 --> 00:47:58,255 You have to be you have to think 1350 00:47:58,255 --> 00:48:00,914 critically. It's not always right. Sometimes it's absolute 1351 00:48:01,054 --> 00:48:01,554 trash. 1352 00:48:02,974 --> 00:48:05,074 But that's that's where 1353 00:48:05,534 --> 00:48:06,914 as a person who spends 1354 00:48:07,489 --> 00:48:09,409 her life trying to go, hey, here's a 1355 00:48:09,409 --> 00:48:10,690 way to think about kinks so that you 1356 00:48:10,690 --> 00:48:12,369 can have a happy healthy power exchange relationship 1357 00:48:12,369 --> 00:48:15,489 and also don't pigeonhole yourself into these boxes 1358 00:48:15,489 --> 00:48:17,349 that might not be right for you, 1359 00:48:17,809 --> 00:48:19,750 we're combating that kind of information. 1360 00:48:21,594 --> 00:48:23,594 And then to find out it's not even 1361 00:48:23,594 --> 00:48:26,555 really a thing that the community writ large 1362 00:48:26,555 --> 00:48:28,074 in places I would go, that is where 1363 00:48:28,074 --> 00:48:29,535 BDSM community lives 1364 00:48:30,315 --> 00:48:30,815 frequently, 1365 00:48:31,755 --> 00:48:34,235 can't find it. So one, I'm very interested 1366 00:48:34,235 --> 00:48:35,820 in where the fuck this term came from. 1367 00:48:35,820 --> 00:48:38,320 Two, you mentioned Tumblr. Okay? Mhmm. 1368 00:48:39,500 --> 00:48:42,539 Okay. Uh-oh. Now this one I really fucking 1369 00:48:42,539 --> 00:48:44,960 liked. Okay. Okay. Okay. So 1370 00:48:45,500 --> 00:48:46,400 when I 1371 00:48:47,260 --> 00:48:49,579 did the search for hard BDSM Mhmm. And 1372 00:48:49,579 --> 00:48:50,480 of course found 1373 00:48:51,014 --> 00:48:53,414 porn, I also came across a Tumblr post 1374 00:48:53,414 --> 00:48:55,914 that's from, like, four years ago, 2021. 1375 00:48:56,135 --> 00:48:57,914 And it kind of mirrored my 1376 00:48:58,214 --> 00:48:59,734 own kind of thinking that I was coming 1377 00:48:59,734 --> 00:49:01,494 to by myself before this and it was 1378 00:49:01,494 --> 00:49:02,474 really, like, solidifying 1379 00:49:02,775 --> 00:49:03,630 as we went. 1380 00:49:04,190 --> 00:49:05,409 And their post said 1381 00:49:05,789 --> 00:49:08,589 hard kink isn't a term the community tends 1382 00:49:08,589 --> 00:49:11,329 to use, and the equivalent we might have 1383 00:49:11,469 --> 00:49:15,329 would be edge play, and it's all subjective. 1384 00:49:16,190 --> 00:49:17,204 And I was like, yes. 1385 00:49:18,784 --> 00:49:21,585 Yeah. Now let's be clear. If hard kink, 1386 00:49:21,585 --> 00:49:23,425 which we don't usually call it, but I'm 1387 00:49:23,425 --> 00:49:26,085 sure people do, is actually edge play, 1388 00:49:26,385 --> 00:49:28,224 and edge play, hard kink, whatever term you 1389 00:49:28,224 --> 00:49:29,284 want, is subjective, 1390 00:49:30,719 --> 00:49:33,440 then that means to me automatically you have 1391 00:49:33,440 --> 00:49:34,179 to understand 1392 00:49:34,559 --> 00:49:37,780 soft kink, soft BDSM, gentle BDSM, whatever 1393 00:49:38,400 --> 00:49:39,300 is subjective. 1394 00:49:40,239 --> 00:49:42,320 But if nobody's talking about it in terms 1395 00:49:42,320 --> 00:49:43,219 of subjectivity 1396 00:49:43,974 --> 00:49:45,815 Mhmm. And you have to define these things 1397 00:49:45,815 --> 00:49:47,974 for yourself and you can't apply, like, a 1398 00:49:47,974 --> 00:49:51,734 big broad umbrella to it, not easily anyway 1399 00:49:52,054 --> 00:49:52,295 Mhmm. 1400 00:49:53,655 --> 00:49:55,414 That was the most accurate thing I feel 1401 00:49:55,414 --> 00:49:56,789 like I found where I was like, this 1402 00:49:56,789 --> 00:49:58,230 is what's making sense to me with all 1403 00:49:58,230 --> 00:50:01,289 of this searching I'm doing. Because pleasure dom? 1404 00:50:01,349 --> 00:50:04,250 Oh, oh, I found so so much shit. 1405 00:50:04,550 --> 00:50:05,530 Hard dom, 1406 00:50:06,630 --> 00:50:09,030 soft dom? Mhmm. I was trying to look 1407 00:50:09,030 --> 00:50:11,494 for hard and soft BDSM and what kept 1408 00:50:11,494 --> 00:50:13,275 coming up was hard and soft DOM. 1409 00:50:13,815 --> 00:50:16,954 Which that makes me wonder, is hard DOM, 1410 00:50:17,015 --> 00:50:18,635 soft DOM, hard BDSM, 1411 00:50:19,255 --> 00:50:22,295 soft BDSM, are people using that interchangeably because 1412 00:50:22,295 --> 00:50:24,690 too many people think the dom just leads 1413 00:50:24,690 --> 00:50:25,429 the whole BDSM 1414 00:50:25,969 --> 00:50:29,190 relationship? So if the dom is soft, then 1415 00:50:29,650 --> 00:50:31,750 the whole thing you're doing is soft. 1416 00:50:32,050 --> 00:50:35,170 I didn't find anything where somebody said that, 1417 00:50:35,170 --> 00:50:37,724 but I feel like that correlation could be 1418 00:50:37,724 --> 00:50:39,105 made. Mhmm. Right? 1419 00:50:41,565 --> 00:50:43,405 But this is yeah. Maybe it's because I 1420 00:50:43,405 --> 00:50:44,844 was a freelance writer for a million years. 1421 00:50:44,844 --> 00:50:46,684 Maybe it's because I've been writing content for 1422 00:50:46,684 --> 00:50:48,605 my own fucking websites Mhmm. For a million 1423 00:50:48,605 --> 00:50:50,864 fucking years. I get really annoyed 1424 00:50:51,800 --> 00:50:52,300 when 1425 00:50:52,920 --> 00:50:54,460 the and I don't just 1426 00:50:54,840 --> 00:50:56,920 personally just rely on first page of a 1427 00:50:56,920 --> 00:50:59,000 Google. I'm I'll go 10 pages deep if 1428 00:50:59,000 --> 00:51:01,159 I think I can find something that's more 1429 00:51:01,159 --> 00:51:03,420 obscure, wasn't popular enough, but is 1430 00:51:04,695 --> 00:51:07,655 more correct. Right? Or is another viewpoint that's 1431 00:51:07,655 --> 00:51:09,115 worth considering. Right? 1432 00:51:12,535 --> 00:51:14,555 But the it's a it's a 1433 00:51:15,414 --> 00:51:17,400 almost, but not quite a benign benign kind 1434 00:51:17,400 --> 00:51:18,299 of misinformation. 1435 00:51:18,839 --> 00:51:20,539 Mhmm. But it is still misinformation. 1436 00:51:21,559 --> 00:51:22,940 Soft kink is for beginners. 1437 00:51:23,480 --> 00:51:24,619 Look. Slow 1438 00:51:25,239 --> 00:51:27,099 kink is for for everybody, 1439 00:51:27,400 --> 00:51:29,719 but for beginners. Yeah. But I'm not gonna 1440 00:51:29,719 --> 00:51:31,255 say soft kink is for beginners and then 1441 00:51:31,255 --> 00:51:32,614 give you a laundry list of things that 1442 00:51:32,614 --> 00:51:34,135 actually I need you to at least read 1443 00:51:34,135 --> 00:51:35,894 an article or watch a video on before 1444 00:51:35,894 --> 00:51:38,534 you try this. You know? It's not please 1445 00:51:38,534 --> 00:51:41,355 please please don't pick up that item 1446 00:51:41,735 --> 00:51:43,514 and just start using it 1447 00:51:44,360 --> 00:51:46,519 because somebody labeled it as soft kink for 1448 00:51:46,519 --> 00:51:48,840 beginners. You know what I mean? Mhmm. And 1449 00:51:48,840 --> 00:51:50,760 that's the false sense of security people get 1450 00:51:50,760 --> 00:51:52,539 when they think of it as soft. Exactly. 1451 00:51:54,119 --> 00:51:54,940 I hate it. 1452 00:51:56,199 --> 00:51:56,699 Okay. 1453 00:51:57,800 --> 00:51:58,664 The I think 1454 00:51:59,785 --> 00:52:01,465 for going through the notes, what I found 1455 00:52:01,785 --> 00:52:04,065 Mhmm. Then we can sum up and whatever 1456 00:52:04,344 --> 00:52:06,505 Yeah. How we feel. I found something and 1457 00:52:06,505 --> 00:52:08,025 I again, it'll be linked in the show 1458 00:52:08,025 --> 00:52:09,625 notes and YouTube folks, I'll get the show 1459 00:52:09,625 --> 00:52:11,010 notes linked as soon as I can. 1460 00:52:12,289 --> 00:52:13,570 I did go to FetLife, and I was 1461 00:52:13,570 --> 00:52:15,329 like, let's let's search for these terms if 1462 00:52:15,329 --> 00:52:17,730 there's a community, if there's people writing about 1463 00:52:17,730 --> 00:52:18,230 it. 1464 00:52:18,769 --> 00:52:20,289 I have a feeling people are writing about 1465 00:52:20,289 --> 00:52:23,184 these concepts without using these terms. Right? But 1466 00:52:23,184 --> 00:52:24,864 I came across something that as of the 1467 00:52:24,864 --> 00:52:25,764 date of recording, 1468 00:52:26,385 --> 00:52:28,005 November 12, this, 1469 00:52:29,184 --> 00:52:31,984 piece had only come out five days ago. 1470 00:52:31,984 --> 00:52:34,565 Okay? This is relatively new. 1471 00:52:34,944 --> 00:52:36,324 It's not somebody I know. 1472 00:52:36,704 --> 00:52:37,204 Their 1473 00:52:37,519 --> 00:52:39,760 handle is Innocent Empath. I don't know anything 1474 00:52:39,760 --> 00:52:43,699 about them. Mhmm. But their piece on this, 1475 00:52:43,760 --> 00:52:45,539 that's when I stopped and went, 1476 00:52:46,800 --> 00:52:48,800 oh, maybe this is what this is about. 1477 00:52:48,800 --> 00:52:49,699 Bear with me. 1478 00:52:51,275 --> 00:52:54,235 They their article talked about the watering down 1479 00:52:54,235 --> 00:52:55,055 of kink. 1480 00:52:55,835 --> 00:52:58,715 About how some kinksters are trying to soften 1481 00:52:58,715 --> 00:53:00,015 the edges of BDSM 1482 00:53:00,715 --> 00:53:02,094 to make it more palatable 1483 00:53:02,474 --> 00:53:03,295 and mainstream 1484 00:53:04,315 --> 00:53:06,980 to show that we're not actually air quote 1485 00:53:07,119 --> 00:53:09,199 deviance, we're not scary. You don't need to 1486 00:53:09,199 --> 00:53:10,340 be scared of us. 1487 00:53:11,039 --> 00:53:12,800 And the article is like I'm not being 1488 00:53:12,800 --> 00:53:15,140 eloquent. The article was eloquent. Okay? 1489 00:53:16,400 --> 00:53:17,775 And and that made me stop in my 1490 00:53:17,775 --> 00:53:19,934 tracks because, you know, we've we talked a 1491 00:53:19,934 --> 00:53:21,795 few weeks ago about is, you know, 1492 00:53:22,335 --> 00:53:24,255 is kink being normalized or is it just 1493 00:53:24,255 --> 00:53:26,114 trending? And it is a lot incorporated. 1494 00:53:27,614 --> 00:53:29,214 And there is even there, you can see 1495 00:53:29,214 --> 00:53:31,719 the softening of that just day color because 1496 00:53:31,719 --> 00:53:32,219 you're, 1497 00:53:32,599 --> 00:53:35,079 you know Yeah. You happen to be the 1498 00:53:35,079 --> 00:53:37,559 wife your heterosexual wife of a man, and 1499 00:53:37,559 --> 00:53:39,880 you're living that air quote traditional life. Mhmm. 1500 00:53:39,880 --> 00:53:42,434 What? Like Well, you know, I mean, 1501 00:53:43,315 --> 00:53:45,235 and and that's why I say, you know, 1502 00:53:45,235 --> 00:53:46,375 with things like that, 1503 00:53:46,835 --> 00:53:47,155 and, 1504 00:53:48,755 --> 00:53:49,655 wasn't there, 1505 00:53:50,594 --> 00:53:52,215 a thing with a group 1506 00:53:53,235 --> 00:53:53,974 of people 1507 00:53:54,914 --> 00:53:55,655 they were 1508 00:53:57,199 --> 00:54:00,239 unknowingly I believe, but they thought that No 1509 00:54:00,239 --> 00:54:02,559 Nut September meant something else, and they were 1510 00:54:02,559 --> 00:54:03,779 kinda going with it. 1511 00:54:04,079 --> 00:54:06,400 Vaguely. I think I vaguely remember something about 1512 00:54:06,400 --> 00:54:08,299 that. Yeah. Because context matters and the Internet 1513 00:54:08,299 --> 00:54:08,980 flattens everything. Right. 1514 00:54:15,375 --> 00:54:17,695 Can I say this? I God. Talk about 1515 00:54:17,695 --> 00:54:19,695 Google search. I I found this stuff, 1516 00:54:20,094 --> 00:54:20,594 Jeeves. 1517 00:54:21,614 --> 00:54:24,114 Ask Jeeves. I remember Ask Jeeves. Yeah. 1518 00:54:25,980 --> 00:54:26,480 So 1519 00:54:27,179 --> 00:54:29,119 but I don't know. It's it's all 1520 00:54:30,860 --> 00:54:32,860 man, what's what's I pulled up the article 1521 00:54:32,860 --> 00:54:34,000 because this person 1522 00:54:34,460 --> 00:54:37,199 really did say it way better 1523 00:54:37,500 --> 00:54:39,840 than I I could. And I you know, 1524 00:54:40,135 --> 00:54:40,954 I think 1525 00:54:41,335 --> 00:54:43,015 I don't know, because I haven't sat with 1526 00:54:43,015 --> 00:54:44,715 it long enough, if I agree with everything 1527 00:54:44,775 --> 00:54:46,775 this person has has written or if I 1528 00:54:46,775 --> 00:54:48,454 see it this way completely, but there's enough 1529 00:54:48,454 --> 00:54:49,755 of it that made me go, 1530 00:54:50,135 --> 00:54:52,135 is that what this is? Or that's what 1531 00:54:52,135 --> 00:54:54,170 this started out or is being perpetuated by 1532 00:54:54,170 --> 00:54:56,569 non kinksters. And some kinksters are making it 1533 00:54:56,569 --> 00:54:58,190 work for themselves because it resonates, 1534 00:54:58,889 --> 00:54:59,549 you know. 1535 00:55:01,530 --> 00:55:03,449 So they start out their article saying, yesterday 1536 00:55:03,449 --> 00:55:05,210 a slave friend made a comment that made 1537 00:55:05,210 --> 00:55:07,755 me pause. She said, I have noticed that 1538 00:55:07,755 --> 00:55:10,795 BDSM activities are being vilified by many on 1539 00:55:10,795 --> 00:55:12,554 here. On here must mean FetLife because that's 1540 00:55:12,554 --> 00:55:14,234 where this article is. And they said, you 1541 00:55:14,234 --> 00:55:15,755 know, I've noticed it too, it's been bothering 1542 00:55:15,755 --> 00:55:18,554 me. There's a strange, frustrating contradiction happening right 1543 00:55:18,554 --> 00:55:19,994 here in our own community. On a site 1544 00:55:19,994 --> 00:55:21,835 built for people drawn to BDSM, I see 1545 00:55:21,835 --> 00:55:23,650 the very essence of what makes this lifestyle 1546 00:55:23,650 --> 00:55:26,849 powerful and appealing, being solely vilified, sanitized, and 1547 00:55:26,849 --> 00:55:29,410 watered down. Yeah. Now I don't think that's 1548 00:55:29,410 --> 00:55:31,809 just what soft BDSM might be doing, but 1549 00:55:31,809 --> 00:55:33,410 I think it's a symptom of us. I 1550 00:55:33,410 --> 00:55:35,410 I I think there's a a combination of 1551 00:55:35,410 --> 00:55:38,135 things with that. Mhmm. You know, let let's 1552 00:55:38,135 --> 00:55:39,914 be honest, a few years, 1553 00:55:41,414 --> 00:55:43,574 even FetLife was part of a a a 1554 00:55:43,574 --> 00:55:46,375 purge. Mhmm. Okay? You know, anything to do 1555 00:55:46,375 --> 00:55:47,355 with blood plague 1556 00:55:47,655 --> 00:55:49,014 had to be taken down. Right. And that 1557 00:55:49,014 --> 00:55:50,639 was about financial stuff. And that was my 1558 00:55:50,639 --> 00:55:52,800 financial stuff. But it's still frustrating. So it 1559 00:55:52,800 --> 00:55:54,500 it it is. It's very frustrating. 1560 00:55:54,960 --> 00:55:57,059 But I I have been seeing, you know, 1561 00:56:00,480 --> 00:56:02,659 we have said this on this show 1562 00:56:02,960 --> 00:56:04,099 many many times. 1563 00:56:06,194 --> 00:56:08,194 Your kinks not my kink, but your kinks 1564 00:56:08,194 --> 00:56:08,694 okay. 1565 00:56:09,154 --> 00:56:11,714 Mhmm. You know? And and that was the 1566 00:56:11,714 --> 00:56:14,275 big thing about the the BDSM community at 1567 00:56:14,275 --> 00:56:14,934 one time. 1568 00:56:15,714 --> 00:56:18,214 You know, we do things differently 1569 00:56:19,109 --> 00:56:21,609 and, you know, we do not look at 1570 00:56:21,989 --> 00:56:24,309 what somebody else is doing. Right. Look down 1571 00:56:24,309 --> 00:56:26,230 on them just because it's something we don't 1572 00:56:26,230 --> 00:56:27,130 like. Absolutely. 1573 00:56:27,429 --> 00:56:28,089 You know? 1574 00:56:28,549 --> 00:56:31,349 And and I think that is happening more 1575 00:56:31,349 --> 00:56:33,635 and more. Mhmm. I I think that is 1576 00:56:33,635 --> 00:56:35,315 happening more and more. I I, you know, 1577 00:56:35,315 --> 00:56:36,454 totally agree with 1578 00:56:36,994 --> 00:56:38,215 with what they're saying. 1579 00:56:39,474 --> 00:56:40,135 You know, 1580 00:56:41,635 --> 00:56:43,175 So they had three main 1581 00:56:43,715 --> 00:56:46,230 points of why there might be a shift. 1582 00:56:46,550 --> 00:56:49,269 Okay. And these are their thoughts, words, opinions. 1583 00:56:49,269 --> 00:56:50,010 The mainstream 1584 00:56:50,309 --> 00:56:50,809 gaze. 1585 00:56:51,190 --> 00:56:53,349 As BDSM has become more visible in popular 1586 00:56:53,349 --> 00:56:55,510 culture, a new audience has arrived. With them 1587 00:56:55,510 --> 00:56:57,609 comes an unconscious pressure to prove 1588 00:56:58,070 --> 00:56:59,989 that we're not the monsters, the deviants, or 1589 00:56:59,989 --> 00:57:02,085 the abusers that we've been historically painted. 1590 00:57:02,804 --> 00:57:04,324 In an effort to be understood and accepted 1591 00:57:04,324 --> 00:57:06,324 by the outside world, we sometimes start policing 1592 00:57:06,324 --> 00:57:08,484 our own, making our language softer and our 1593 00:57:08,484 --> 00:57:10,105 public faces more respectable. 1594 00:57:10,484 --> 00:57:12,164 We try to make it make sense to 1595 00:57:12,164 --> 00:57:13,605 them and in doing so we risk losing 1596 00:57:13,605 --> 00:57:15,510 what made it make sense to us. Now 1597 00:57:15,510 --> 00:57:17,110 I think some of that is very subjective 1598 00:57:17,110 --> 00:57:18,789 because some people are into kink for different 1599 00:57:18,789 --> 00:57:20,230 reasons and want different things out of it, 1600 00:57:20,230 --> 00:57:21,590 blah blah blah, but this did sort of 1601 00:57:21,590 --> 00:57:23,030 resonate with me. The next one is the 1602 00:57:23,030 --> 00:57:25,050 safety police versus the risk takers. 1603 00:57:25,349 --> 00:57:27,375 Safety is paramount, but there's a difference between 1604 00:57:27,375 --> 00:57:29,954 advocating for informed consent and attempting to eliminate 1605 00:57:30,014 --> 00:57:33,074 all elements of psychological intensity or physical risk. 1606 00:57:33,855 --> 00:57:36,014 Some of the more most profound moments in 1607 00:57:36,014 --> 00:57:37,934 this lifestyle live in those gray areas in 1608 00:57:37,934 --> 00:57:39,934 the headspace of a heavy scene, in the 1609 00:57:39,934 --> 00:57:41,460 ache of a bruise the next day, in 1610 00:57:41,460 --> 00:57:43,460 the emotional roller coaster of a strict power 1611 00:57:43,460 --> 00:57:45,780 dynamic. You know, when we start framing every 1612 00:57:45,780 --> 00:57:48,760 intense desire as inherently dangerous or problematic, 1613 00:57:49,219 --> 00:57:51,780 we pathologize the very experiences people come here 1614 00:57:51,780 --> 00:57:54,179 to find. Now I'm not saying this is 1615 00:57:54,179 --> 00:57:54,920 an exact 1616 00:57:55,380 --> 00:57:55,875 like 1617 00:57:56,434 --> 00:57:58,195 this is either in opposition to or this 1618 00:57:58,195 --> 00:58:00,114 is where the idea of soft and hard 1619 00:58:00,114 --> 00:58:02,355 kink come from, but I think this can 1620 00:58:02,355 --> 00:58:05,155 play into it. Right? You know, I'm I'm 1621 00:58:05,155 --> 00:58:07,554 into soft kink. Not that dangerous stuff. Now 1622 00:58:07,554 --> 00:58:08,835 that stuff that that can hurt you goes 1623 00:58:08,835 --> 00:58:10,114 back to what you're saying. The moment you 1624 00:58:10,114 --> 00:58:12,700 call it soft, there's this emotional and mental 1625 00:58:12,700 --> 00:58:13,820 thing of, oh, it must be a little 1626 00:58:13,820 --> 00:58:15,660 bit safer. It's not as dangerous. It's not 1627 00:58:15,660 --> 00:58:16,320 as scary. 1628 00:58:17,019 --> 00:58:18,400 And that is also subjective. 1629 00:58:20,539 --> 00:58:22,140 Ah, this this one this must have been 1630 00:58:22,140 --> 00:58:23,340 why it came up with my search. So 1631 00:58:23,340 --> 00:58:25,485 then the third one was the hierarchy of 1632 00:58:25,485 --> 00:58:27,164 right and wrong BDSM. I see it in 1633 00:58:27,164 --> 00:58:28,925 the comment sections and forums, a subtle and 1634 00:58:28,925 --> 00:58:31,644 sometimes not so subtle hierarchy forming. The soft 1635 00:58:31,644 --> 00:58:33,724 dominant is more enlightened than the strict one. 1636 00:58:33,724 --> 00:58:35,244 Now I have not seen that and I 1637 00:58:35,244 --> 00:58:36,925 would Mhmm. My blood would boil if I 1638 00:58:36,925 --> 00:58:39,644 had. Certain kinks are deemed more acceptable than 1639 00:58:39,644 --> 00:58:41,289 others. There's a push for a one size 1640 00:58:41,289 --> 00:58:43,710 fits all version of BDSM that is perpetually 1641 00:58:43,849 --> 00:58:46,429 gentle, endlessly negotiated, and never ever messy. 1642 00:58:47,289 --> 00:58:48,809 They point out our journeys don't all look 1643 00:58:48,809 --> 00:58:50,889 alike. You know, what's messy for one is 1644 00:58:50,889 --> 00:58:53,230 good. You know, like, it's all an individualized 1645 00:58:53,744 --> 00:58:54,244 experience. 1646 00:58:55,264 --> 00:58:57,344 Yeah. And I have not personally seen that. 1647 00:58:57,344 --> 00:58:59,444 No. I do see that people, 1648 00:58:59,904 --> 00:59:01,525 mostly in social media spaces, 1649 00:59:01,824 --> 00:59:02,964 are real comfortable 1650 00:59:03,585 --> 00:59:06,329 calling themselves, like, a soft dom Mhmm. Versus 1651 00:59:06,969 --> 00:59:08,090 I don't know. I'm sure there are people 1652 00:59:08,090 --> 00:59:09,450 out there who would call themselves a hard 1653 00:59:09,450 --> 00:59:11,450 dom, just in direct opposition to a soft 1654 00:59:11,450 --> 00:59:13,690 dom. But the the folks that if I 1655 00:59:13,690 --> 00:59:15,769 had to try to, like, classify people Yeah. 1656 00:59:15,849 --> 00:59:17,289 That I would go, oh, maybe that's a 1657 00:59:17,289 --> 00:59:19,494 hard dom. They don't usually call themselves that. 1658 00:59:19,494 --> 00:59:21,494 They're just a dom or they're strangers. I 1659 00:59:21,494 --> 00:59:23,414 just had a I I just had a 1660 00:59:23,414 --> 00:59:24,635 little thought. Mhmm. 1661 00:59:27,175 --> 00:59:29,255 When I first came into the community, I 1662 00:59:29,255 --> 00:59:30,315 I talked about how 1663 00:59:30,614 --> 00:59:31,594 there was always, 1664 00:59:33,094 --> 00:59:35,099 high protocol was a big thing. Mhmm. 1665 00:59:35,980 --> 00:59:37,760 Mhmm. Could it just be a term shift? 1666 00:59:38,380 --> 00:59:39,519 Okay. You know, 1667 00:59:40,380 --> 00:59:43,360 these, you know, these people practice high protocol. 1668 00:59:43,420 --> 00:59:43,920 Mhmm. 1669 00:59:44,780 --> 00:59:45,840 Has now become 1670 00:59:46,300 --> 00:59:48,795 a hard dom. Dom. Well, to be a 1671 00:59:48,795 --> 00:59:51,914 semantic bitch, high protocol is subjected in and 1672 00:59:51,914 --> 00:59:52,574 of itself. 1673 00:59:53,034 --> 00:59:55,034 Because what's high protocol to one person won't 1674 00:59:55,034 --> 00:59:56,875 be high protocol to the next. Because there's 1675 00:59:56,875 --> 00:59:59,114 there's layers to it. It's like how I'm 1676 00:59:59,114 --> 01:00:00,680 gonna say strict and strict is subject. Is 1677 01:00:00,680 --> 01:00:03,000 subjective. It's all fucking subjective, which make you 1678 01:00:03,000 --> 01:00:03,500 crazy. 1679 01:00:05,320 --> 01:00:07,340 Like, how strict somebody 1680 01:00:07,640 --> 01:00:09,800 is, you know, how how strict a dom 1681 01:00:09,800 --> 01:00:11,800 is, what the the rules they want their 1682 01:00:11,960 --> 01:00:12,460 Mhmm. 1683 01:00:13,925 --> 01:00:15,684 Their submissive to follow, the way they want 1684 01:00:15,684 --> 01:00:16,824 to structure the relationship, 1685 01:00:17,525 --> 01:00:19,224 you know, I think it's in it's 1686 01:00:20,405 --> 01:00:21,704 I'm so sorry, y'all. 1687 01:00:22,085 --> 01:00:23,304 Shades of gray. 1688 01:00:24,965 --> 01:00:26,885 Shades of gray. And I think if you 1689 01:00:26,885 --> 01:00:28,644 look hard enough, you'll always find somebody that's 1690 01:00:28,644 --> 01:00:31,180 a little bit, air quote, harder, stricter, whatever, 1691 01:00:31,180 --> 01:00:33,500 more high protocol than somebody else. Like, it's 1692 01:00:33,500 --> 01:00:34,000 just 1693 01:00:34,300 --> 01:00:36,400 a a never ending kind of, 1694 01:00:37,340 --> 01:00:39,500 like, you know Mhmm. There's a word I 1695 01:00:39,500 --> 01:00:40,000 want. 1696 01:00:42,140 --> 01:00:43,680 And I think all of these 1697 01:00:44,364 --> 01:00:46,684 I think all of all everything plays a 1698 01:00:46,684 --> 01:00:48,385 part. And what I mean by that is, 1699 01:00:48,765 --> 01:00:49,344 you know, 1700 01:00:49,885 --> 01:00:52,305 there is the there's also 1701 01:00:52,765 --> 01:00:54,525 the way that if you want to be 1702 01:00:54,525 --> 01:00:55,505 on social media, 1703 01:00:55,805 --> 01:00:57,644 specifically TikTok, because that's where a lot of 1704 01:00:57,644 --> 01:00:59,550 this started, but it has trickled down into 1705 01:00:59,550 --> 01:01:01,730 Instagram and Facebook and everywhere else, 1706 01:01:02,110 --> 01:01:03,650 you know, you have to self censor. 1707 01:01:04,030 --> 01:01:07,070 Mhmm. I am literally reading books where we're 1708 01:01:07,070 --> 01:01:09,070 not on social media. It is not context 1709 01:01:09,070 --> 01:01:10,670 of you have to self censor, and the 1710 01:01:10,670 --> 01:01:11,170 and 1711 01:01:11,484 --> 01:01:13,505 the language being used is unaliving 1712 01:01:13,804 --> 01:01:16,364 instead of killing or dying. Because that's now 1713 01:01:16,364 --> 01:01:19,005 become part of of it's Internet language, Internet 1714 01:01:19,005 --> 01:01:21,005 speaking, so it is, like, everyday speak for 1715 01:01:21,005 --> 01:01:22,545 some people. And I'm 1716 01:01:22,925 --> 01:01:24,809 wondering or curious if 1717 01:01:25,369 --> 01:01:27,769 maybe some of this or a part of 1718 01:01:27,769 --> 01:01:28,269 this 1719 01:01:28,809 --> 01:01:30,890 started with people trying to talk about kink 1720 01:01:30,890 --> 01:01:33,230 in places that would not allow the words, 1721 01:01:33,369 --> 01:01:36,190 having to self center and start calling things 1722 01:01:36,250 --> 01:01:38,670 diff different terms, different names, 1723 01:01:39,210 --> 01:01:42,364 you know, is it somehow more palatable to 1724 01:01:42,364 --> 01:01:44,625 the algorithms if you say soft 1725 01:01:45,244 --> 01:01:48,605 versus hardcore hard edged? Like, and I don't 1726 01:01:48,605 --> 01:01:50,684 think it's ever it's any of this is 1727 01:01:50,684 --> 01:01:53,724 not one single thing. It's all kinds of 1728 01:01:53,724 --> 01:01:54,625 things layered 1729 01:01:55,349 --> 01:01:56,570 on top of one another. 1730 01:01:57,430 --> 01:01:59,190 There's no single path to how we got 1731 01:01:59,190 --> 01:02:01,829 to soft BDSM versus hard BDSM or any 1732 01:02:01,829 --> 01:02:03,750 of this stuff. But I I can't help 1733 01:02:03,750 --> 01:02:06,070 wondering how much that might play a role 1734 01:02:06,070 --> 01:02:08,890 as well because we as a social media 1735 01:02:08,950 --> 01:02:09,450 society 1736 01:02:10,224 --> 01:02:12,304 have in some spaces I forget that I 1737 01:02:12,304 --> 01:02:14,144 don't have to censor myself when I'm on 1738 01:02:14,144 --> 01:02:15,605 blue sky or in FetLife. 1739 01:02:15,905 --> 01:02:17,664 Wow. And I'm using emojis because I was 1740 01:02:17,664 --> 01:02:18,944 like, I can't use the word. I can't 1741 01:02:18,944 --> 01:02:20,244 even use the fucking word. 1742 01:02:20,864 --> 01:02:21,605 It's ubiquitous 1743 01:02:21,905 --> 01:02:23,840 of all kinds of topics, and certainly not 1744 01:02:23,840 --> 01:02:25,760 just kink. Okay. First, I just wanna say, 1745 01:02:25,760 --> 01:02:26,719 Rama, thank you. 1746 01:02:27,200 --> 01:02:29,860 She made she brought a point that the, 1747 01:02:30,880 --> 01:02:31,700 blood plate 1748 01:02:32,480 --> 01:02:34,079 was did not have to be taken down. 1749 01:02:34,079 --> 01:02:34,800 It just, 1750 01:02:35,744 --> 01:02:37,984 has to be viewed as only friends only. 1751 01:02:37,984 --> 01:02:39,585 Oh, okay. So it's not open to the 1752 01:02:39,664 --> 01:02:41,684 Gotcha. Gotcha. To the whole wide world. 1753 01:02:42,384 --> 01:02:43,364 You know, I 1754 01:02:44,784 --> 01:02:46,404 I As as someone who 1755 01:02:47,264 --> 01:02:49,505 was part of the evolution and saw the 1756 01:02:49,505 --> 01:02:51,359 evolution of the interwebs. 1757 01:02:51,659 --> 01:02:51,980 Mhmm. 1758 01:02:53,420 --> 01:02:55,339 The interwebs is a great place to go 1759 01:02:55,339 --> 01:02:56,320 and look for information. 1760 01:02:57,019 --> 01:02:58,079 Mhmm. K? 1761 01:02:58,859 --> 01:03:00,859 On the other side of that, the Internet 1762 01:03:00,859 --> 01:03:02,539 is a horrible place to look for information. 1763 01:03:02,539 --> 01:03:04,545 You drink it from a fire hose. Okay. 1764 01:03:04,704 --> 01:03:05,204 You 1765 01:03:05,505 --> 01:03:06,324 know, and, 1766 01:03:08,304 --> 01:03:10,144 not gonna go into it too deeply, but, 1767 01:03:10,144 --> 01:03:11,525 you know, social media, 1768 01:03:16,224 --> 01:03:17,824 I'm sorry folks. I think people need to 1769 01:03:17,824 --> 01:03:19,505 pay less attention to social media in so 1770 01:03:19,505 --> 01:03:20,244 many ways. 1771 01:03:20,849 --> 01:03:22,550 You know, because everybody 1772 01:03:23,809 --> 01:03:25,650 has a voice, which is not a bad 1773 01:03:25,650 --> 01:03:28,210 thing. Right. Okay. You know, everybody should have 1774 01:03:28,210 --> 01:03:30,150 their voice, but what 1775 01:03:30,450 --> 01:03:32,390 come down to is, you know, 1776 01:03:33,444 --> 01:03:35,764 you use one term, that person uses another 1777 01:03:35,764 --> 01:03:37,284 term, and and everybody 1778 01:03:38,005 --> 01:03:38,885 and you know what? 1779 01:03:39,444 --> 01:03:40,905 Let's go talk to the 1780 01:03:41,525 --> 01:03:43,364 go into the community, and you get something 1781 01:03:43,364 --> 01:03:45,784 totally different. Everywhere you go. Yeah. You know? 1782 01:03:45,925 --> 01:03:48,420 So it it's everywhere you go, and it's 1783 01:03:48,900 --> 01:03:51,799 it's -Here's the thing: that is a challenge 1784 01:03:52,659 --> 01:03:54,900 of any community is that everywhere you go 1785 01:03:54,900 --> 01:03:57,219 in different pockets of the community, which is 1786 01:03:57,219 --> 01:03:58,500 why there are some people who say there 1787 01:03:58,500 --> 01:04:01,059 is not one community, there's like 10,000,000 communities, 1788 01:04:01,059 --> 01:04:03,855 and I don't disagree with that, But every 1789 01:04:03,855 --> 01:04:06,034 pocket of the community, every space, 1790 01:04:06,974 --> 01:04:09,775 whether created purposely or just accidental, people might 1791 01:04:09,775 --> 01:04:12,894 use different terms. Right. That is okay. I 1792 01:04:12,894 --> 01:04:14,894 don't have a problem with that, but the 1793 01:04:14,894 --> 01:04:17,155 the problem that comes into it is that 1794 01:04:17,920 --> 01:04:21,360 folks either haven't learned yet Mhmm. Aren't thinking 1795 01:04:21,360 --> 01:04:23,360 about it, or somehow thinks I don't know. 1796 01:04:23,360 --> 01:04:24,900 I don't know what the nuance is. 1797 01:04:25,360 --> 01:04:27,760 Instead of getting comfortable with going, okay. What 1798 01:04:27,760 --> 01:04:29,280 does that mean to you? How do you 1799 01:04:29,280 --> 01:04:30,659 define that? Right? 1800 01:04:31,135 --> 01:04:33,295 You know, somebody starts a term, somebody picks 1801 01:04:33,295 --> 01:04:34,275 up, you know, 1802 01:04:35,215 --> 01:04:38,015 terms, hashtags, whatever whatever can get picked up 1803 01:04:38,015 --> 01:04:40,015 because people like them, and then they go 1804 01:04:40,015 --> 01:04:42,175 viral, and then they become the norm because, 1805 01:04:42,175 --> 01:04:43,934 like, two years ago it was it went 1806 01:04:43,934 --> 01:04:46,095 viral. It's like talking about the trad wife 1807 01:04:46,095 --> 01:04:49,289 thing. The term trad wife, five years old. 1808 01:04:49,289 --> 01:04:50,589 Mhmm. The concept, 1809 01:04:51,769 --> 01:04:54,030 I mean Low low dreams. At least 1810 01:04:54,409 --> 01:04:57,210 as old as the Bible, I guess. I 1811 01:04:57,210 --> 01:04:58,889 mean, it's not just a Christian thing, as 1812 01:04:58,889 --> 01:05:00,109 somebody, like, angrily, 1813 01:05:00,675 --> 01:05:01,175 responded. 1814 01:05:01,635 --> 01:05:03,175 Obviously it's not, but, 1815 01:05:03,555 --> 01:05:04,215 you know, 1816 01:05:05,074 --> 01:05:07,015 the the terms we use 1817 01:05:07,394 --> 01:05:10,675 for concepts, those are changing, but we're not 1818 01:05:10,675 --> 01:05:11,175 also 1819 01:05:11,875 --> 01:05:13,635 keeping up with the idea that, wait, you 1820 01:05:13,635 --> 01:05:14,535 use a term 1821 01:05:15,230 --> 01:05:17,469 and I use a term, but we don't 1822 01:05:17,469 --> 01:05:20,109 have the same definitions. And that is one 1823 01:05:20,109 --> 01:05:22,289 of many. One of the problems 1824 01:05:22,750 --> 01:05:24,589 of the Internet is because if everybody is 1825 01:05:24,589 --> 01:05:26,670 using their voice, like JB said, people are 1826 01:05:26,670 --> 01:05:27,710 using terms that 1827 01:05:28,349 --> 01:05:30,474 Mhmm. They made up a whole cloth or 1828 01:05:30,474 --> 01:05:31,994 they heard somebody else say but they didn't 1829 01:05:31,994 --> 01:05:34,394 get context for it, and now we're sharing 1830 01:05:34,394 --> 01:05:36,715 all this and nobody is now talking about 1831 01:05:36,715 --> 01:05:38,014 the same thing, 1832 01:05:38,474 --> 01:05:38,974 which 1833 01:05:39,275 --> 01:05:41,934 is frustrating. It does leave room for creativity 1834 01:05:42,074 --> 01:05:43,514 and for you to get new terms, and 1835 01:05:43,514 --> 01:05:45,375 new terms are not a bad thing. -No. 1836 01:05:45,500 --> 01:05:46,319 I just think 1837 01:05:47,420 --> 01:05:49,359 that we as, you know, humans 1838 01:05:49,659 --> 01:05:50,960 can be very imprecise 1839 01:05:51,980 --> 01:05:54,460 with the words we use, and and sometimes 1840 01:05:54,460 --> 01:05:56,780 that's cool that leaves some, like, leaves some 1841 01:05:56,780 --> 01:05:59,434 space to, like, do something. But when we're 1842 01:05:59,434 --> 01:06:02,394 talking about risk assessment and mitigation, when we're 1843 01:06:02,394 --> 01:06:03,215 talking about 1844 01:06:03,515 --> 01:06:05,535 what kink can be, 1845 01:06:05,994 --> 01:06:07,994 I think we have a duty to be 1846 01:06:07,994 --> 01:06:10,494 more careful with our words. It matters. 1847 01:06:10,875 --> 01:06:11,375 Mhmm. 1848 01:06:16,059 --> 01:06:17,679 But, you know, you you mentioned 1849 01:06:18,940 --> 01:06:19,760 the shades. 1850 01:06:21,179 --> 01:06:23,500 I mean Okay. That book ruined that fucking 1851 01:06:23,500 --> 01:06:26,054 expression. Okay. It's a good expression. 1852 01:06:26,994 --> 01:06:29,315 But Damn book. Yeah. Well, you know. I 1853 01:06:29,315 --> 01:06:29,815 mean, 1854 01:06:30,114 --> 01:06:32,434 you know, when that think about it. When 1855 01:06:32,434 --> 01:06:33,974 that book came out, 1856 01:06:34,675 --> 01:06:36,054 and it hit the popularity 1857 01:06:36,594 --> 01:06:37,414 that it did, 1858 01:06:37,795 --> 01:06:38,295 okay, 1859 01:06:39,380 --> 01:06:40,900 the community we were in at the time, 1860 01:06:40,900 --> 01:06:41,719 West Pasco. 1861 01:06:43,699 --> 01:06:44,920 The community leader 1862 01:06:45,300 --> 01:06:46,280 had a plan. 1863 01:06:46,579 --> 01:06:48,900 You had to. Had a plan to in 1864 01:06:48,900 --> 01:06:50,119 place because 1865 01:06:51,059 --> 01:06:53,059 all these people are gonna be coming into 1866 01:06:53,059 --> 01:06:53,719 the community 1867 01:06:54,099 --> 01:06:54,554 with 1868 01:06:55,675 --> 01:06:56,335 you know, 1869 01:06:56,954 --> 01:07:00,155 ideas that Sure. Aren't Right. Because it's because 1870 01:07:00,155 --> 01:07:01,914 kink is not a mainstream thing, and it 1871 01:07:01,994 --> 01:07:04,315 Right. It's still not mainstream. Some of the 1872 01:07:04,315 --> 01:07:06,635 language of kink has Become printed and gone 1873 01:07:06,635 --> 01:07:07,135 mainstream. 1874 01:07:07,969 --> 01:07:09,889 And I think that goes back to innocent 1875 01:07:09,889 --> 01:07:12,609 empath's post, which is by doing that, the 1876 01:07:12,609 --> 01:07:13,969 meaning can get stripped out of it. We 1877 01:07:13,969 --> 01:07:15,650 were talking about that when we were talking 1878 01:07:15,650 --> 01:07:18,369 about normalization versus trending. The context and the 1879 01:07:18,369 --> 01:07:20,949 meaning go away, and then by the time 1880 01:07:21,010 --> 01:07:21,510 humanity, 1881 01:07:23,284 --> 01:07:25,204 like, juggles it around and passes it back 1882 01:07:25,204 --> 01:07:26,565 and forth, now it seems to have a 1883 01:07:26,565 --> 01:07:29,144 completely different meaning that is not only 1884 01:07:29,444 --> 01:07:30,344 not useful 1885 01:07:30,724 --> 01:07:32,885 for the kink community it's kinda supposed to 1886 01:07:32,885 --> 01:07:35,304 serve, can be actively fucking harmful. 1887 01:07:35,900 --> 01:07:38,640 Do I think soft BDSM is actively harmful? 1888 01:07:39,099 --> 01:07:41,199 Probably not. But it certainly has the potential. 1889 01:07:41,340 --> 01:07:44,140 And it's imprecise to the point of being 1890 01:07:44,140 --> 01:07:45,119 kind of unhelpful 1891 01:07:45,900 --> 01:07:46,400 because 1892 01:07:47,739 --> 01:07:50,565 I think many kinksters, not all of course, 1893 01:07:50,724 --> 01:07:52,744 but depending on how long you've been kinky, 1894 01:07:52,964 --> 01:07:54,824 where you go to get your community 1895 01:07:55,284 --> 01:07:56,105 fixed, like 1896 01:07:56,405 --> 01:07:57,944 what spaces you're in. 1897 01:07:58,405 --> 01:07:59,684 You know, there's plenty of us who are 1898 01:07:59,684 --> 01:08:01,304 like soft, hard? 1899 01:08:02,164 --> 01:08:03,199 What are you it. 1900 01:08:05,980 --> 01:08:08,219 Yeah. Partly because there are plenty of people 1901 01:08:08,219 --> 01:08:10,699 that in some forms of play you'd probably 1902 01:08:10,699 --> 01:08:12,380 call it hard, you'd certainly call it edge 1903 01:08:12,380 --> 01:08:13,900 play, but in other ways that they play 1904 01:08:13,900 --> 01:08:17,439 it's definitely a gentler approach. It's softer, it's 1905 01:08:17,500 --> 01:08:20,484 less about this intensity and more about this, 1906 01:08:20,484 --> 01:08:21,385 you know, like, 1907 01:08:22,805 --> 01:08:24,324 we it's why I look at it and 1908 01:08:24,324 --> 01:08:26,965 go, I no. I'm yeah. Technically, by that 1909 01:08:26,965 --> 01:08:29,444 definition, I guess I'm soft, but I'm not. 1910 01:08:29,444 --> 01:08:31,204 I don't it doesn't it's not right. You 1911 01:08:31,204 --> 01:08:32,164 know? Or 1912 01:08:32,970 --> 01:08:34,430 you know, even more, 1913 01:08:35,210 --> 01:08:37,310 is this part of a shift 1914 01:08:37,850 --> 01:08:38,350 now 1915 01:08:38,970 --> 01:08:41,470 in in the community, in in the lifestyle 1916 01:08:41,690 --> 01:08:42,190 maybe, 1917 01:08:43,930 --> 01:08:44,430 as 1918 01:08:45,685 --> 01:08:48,324 the younger people are coming up, and and 1919 01:08:48,324 --> 01:08:48,824 they're, 1920 01:08:50,085 --> 01:08:50,824 you know, 1921 01:08:51,204 --> 01:08:52,885 taking it as their own, as as they 1922 01:08:52,885 --> 01:08:54,484 should, as they will. Right. That's the the 1923 01:08:54,484 --> 01:08:56,484 way it works. Of course. I mean, you 1924 01:08:56,484 --> 01:08:58,425 know, let let's look back to the, 1925 01:09:00,280 --> 01:09:02,300 oh God, the, the old 1926 01:09:02,680 --> 01:09:04,600 guard. Old guard. Old guard. Most people don't 1927 01:09:04,600 --> 01:09:05,560 even know what the hell that means anymore. 1928 01:09:05,560 --> 01:09:06,539 What that is anymore. 1929 01:09:07,000 --> 01:09:08,840 But that's where it all you know, where 1930 01:09:08,840 --> 01:09:11,320 a lot of this began. Mhmm. And it 1931 01:09:11,320 --> 01:09:13,494 looks nothing like that anymore. No. There are 1932 01:09:13,494 --> 01:09:15,074 pockets of it. People are like, I wanna 1933 01:09:15,074 --> 01:09:16,994 keep this going. Sure. Like, there are so 1934 01:09:16,994 --> 01:09:19,795 many different ways to express There there there 1935 01:09:19,795 --> 01:09:21,635 are, you know, and yes, there are there 1936 01:09:21,635 --> 01:09:24,854 are people who still trend to that, but 1937 01:09:25,475 --> 01:09:27,015 it it has branched 1938 01:09:27,909 --> 01:09:29,130 in so many ways. 1939 01:09:29,430 --> 01:09:30,810 And and maybe this, 1940 01:09:31,829 --> 01:09:34,869 you know, is is just that that shift 1941 01:09:34,869 --> 01:09:37,909 of growth that it's it's, you know, moving 1942 01:09:37,909 --> 01:09:39,449 into something else now. 1943 01:09:41,430 --> 01:09:42,710 I don't know if I can be heard 1944 01:09:42,710 --> 01:09:43,369 this far 1945 01:09:48,045 --> 01:09:49,805 Your dog was I know. She was she 1946 01:09:49,805 --> 01:09:52,045 was a wooing. I heard. I heard. So 1947 01:09:52,045 --> 01:09:54,064 here's the thing. I agree with you completely. 1948 01:09:54,204 --> 01:09:54,704 Mhmm. 1949 01:09:55,164 --> 01:09:57,420 Newer younger generations coming up, 1950 01:09:57,899 --> 01:09:59,420 people who are newer to kink and are 1951 01:09:59,420 --> 01:10:01,119 learning from different aspects 1952 01:10:01,979 --> 01:10:04,060 will bring in new language, new terms, have 1953 01:10:04,060 --> 01:10:07,020 every right to do that. This all shifts 1954 01:10:07,020 --> 01:10:09,039 all the time. Yeah. And I 1955 01:10:10,234 --> 01:10:11,295 have enough humility 1956 01:10:12,395 --> 01:10:13,534 to say that sometimes, 1957 01:10:14,555 --> 01:10:16,574 yeah, it's probably me being curmudgeonly 1958 01:10:17,675 --> 01:10:18,494 about a term. 1959 01:10:19,515 --> 01:10:21,835 Pleasure dom is is one of them. I 1960 01:10:21,835 --> 01:10:22,975 still don't like it, 1961 01:10:23,435 --> 01:10:25,194 but I'm never gonna tell somebody they can't 1962 01:10:25,194 --> 01:10:27,409 or shouldn't use it. That's a personal thing. 1963 01:10:28,029 --> 01:10:30,449 Same with soft and hard dom and tile. 1964 01:10:32,189 --> 01:10:34,989 The thing is is just because a younger 1965 01:10:34,989 --> 01:10:37,710 generation or a newer generation or, you know, 1966 01:10:37,710 --> 01:10:39,729 people who are new to kink bring in 1967 01:10:40,175 --> 01:10:42,734 new stuff. Not all of that is worth 1968 01:10:42,734 --> 01:10:45,375 keeping. Right? True. Because sometimes the stuff being 1969 01:10:45,375 --> 01:10:46,914 brought in is coming in 1970 01:10:47,375 --> 01:10:49,534 from a lack of experience, lack of knowledge, 1971 01:10:49,534 --> 01:10:52,175 lack of context. They just learned bad fucking 1972 01:10:52,175 --> 01:10:53,875 information on the Internet or 1973 01:10:54,739 --> 01:10:56,179 read something in a book or watched it 1974 01:10:56,179 --> 01:10:57,619 in a movie, went, well try it and 1975 01:10:57,619 --> 01:10:59,560 then everybody's in the fucking ER. Right? 1976 01:11:00,020 --> 01:11:02,420 There's a reason that there were plenty of 1977 01:11:02,420 --> 01:11:02,920 communities 1978 01:11:03,460 --> 01:11:06,119 online and in person that both for the 1979 01:11:06,420 --> 01:11:08,600 the publication of the 50 Shades 1980 01:11:09,064 --> 01:11:10,045 books and 1981 01:11:10,505 --> 01:11:12,585 the the release of the movies, they were 1982 01:11:12,585 --> 01:11:13,485 setting up, 1983 01:11:14,185 --> 01:11:17,305 like, newbie workshops and spaces to explain. Yeah. 1984 01:11:17,305 --> 01:11:19,645 All that shit you just saw I mean, 1985 01:11:19,784 --> 01:11:21,489 yeah. I guess you can, but no. That's 1986 01:11:21,489 --> 01:11:23,329 not how this works. This is how this 1987 01:11:23,329 --> 01:11:24,770 works. Because, of course, all those people were 1988 01:11:24,770 --> 01:11:27,010 coming in with preconceived notions based on this 1989 01:11:27,010 --> 01:11:29,350 one thing that they had seen. Yeah. So, 1990 01:11:29,890 --> 01:11:30,390 yes, 1991 01:11:31,729 --> 01:11:34,210 the language we use, the meanings of things, 1992 01:11:34,210 --> 01:11:36,444 the way we do things have to shift 1993 01:11:36,444 --> 01:11:38,685 and change over time to some extent. It 1994 01:11:38,685 --> 01:11:39,425 is why 1995 01:11:39,965 --> 01:11:42,444 safe, sane, and consensual is, like, not a 1996 01:11:42,444 --> 01:11:44,284 popular thing, and we are now on to 1997 01:11:44,284 --> 01:11:45,965 so many new things. I don't even I 1998 01:11:45,965 --> 01:11:49,920 can't remember the newest, like, acronym anymore because 1999 01:11:49,920 --> 01:11:52,000 it evolves. It's supposed to evolve. We are 2000 01:11:52,000 --> 01:11:54,960 supposed to get better at this. Mhmm. I'm 2001 01:11:54,960 --> 01:11:56,340 gonna, like, be 2002 01:11:56,720 --> 01:11:59,119 an old lady who wants everybody to get 2003 01:11:59,119 --> 01:12:00,420 off my fucking lawn 2004 01:12:00,960 --> 01:12:02,520 on terms that I think are too imprecise 2005 01:12:02,520 --> 01:12:03,310 and or do a disservice, 2006 01:12:04,034 --> 01:12:04,534 Right? 2007 01:12:10,147 --> 01:12:10,647 Soft 2008 01:12:16,500 --> 01:12:19,460 Right? Soft what is the what is the 2009 01:12:19,460 --> 01:12:22,659 purpose of soft versus hard? Right? Is it 2010 01:12:22,659 --> 01:12:23,559 to help people 2011 01:12:24,340 --> 01:12:27,460 find, you know, their path? Maybe. But we 2012 01:12:27,460 --> 01:12:29,779 personally have come across in this line of 2013 01:12:29,779 --> 01:12:31,595 work for a fucking decade, 2014 01:12:31,975 --> 01:12:33,195 too many people 2015 01:12:33,574 --> 01:12:36,295 who cannot just fit one path, one lane, 2016 01:12:36,295 --> 01:12:37,034 one box. 2017 01:12:37,574 --> 01:12:39,755 That is, I think, probably 2018 01:12:40,454 --> 01:12:42,295 not a scientist, I don't have the data 2019 01:12:42,295 --> 01:12:44,775 but I'm just guessing. That is probably a 2020 01:12:44,775 --> 01:12:45,675 more normal, 2021 01:12:46,510 --> 01:12:49,250 you know, variation that we all contain multitudes 2022 01:12:49,390 --> 01:12:51,149 and little bits and pieces of different things 2023 01:12:51,149 --> 01:12:53,310 are going to intrigue us. If what we're 2024 01:12:53,310 --> 01:12:55,070 saying is the new way is to start 2025 01:12:55,070 --> 01:12:57,070 yourself off on this lane, whether it's because 2026 01:12:57,070 --> 01:12:59,070 you're a beginner or that's just how, you 2027 01:12:59,070 --> 01:13:01,170 know, that's where you feel comfortable with, 2028 01:13:02,284 --> 01:13:04,385 One, you have the ability 2029 01:13:04,765 --> 01:13:07,484 to other other kinksters. It's already happening in 2030 01:13:07,484 --> 01:13:09,564 real time always. But when somebody says, oh, 2031 01:13:09,564 --> 01:13:11,564 I'm into soft kink and this is what 2032 01:13:11,564 --> 01:13:13,484 that means, my brain goes, is this your 2033 01:13:13,484 --> 01:13:16,045 version of one true way? There's a way 2034 01:13:16,045 --> 01:13:18,090 to be a kinkster. There's a way to 2035 01:13:18,090 --> 01:13:20,569 be a soft kinkster. Yeah. I I really 2036 01:13:20,569 --> 01:13:22,350 don't fucking love that word because 2037 01:13:23,609 --> 01:13:25,529 then I go back to my thoughts are 2038 01:13:25,529 --> 01:13:27,630 jumbled. I know y'all are shocked by that. 2039 01:13:27,689 --> 01:13:29,869 Then I go back to are we fucking 2040 01:13:30,329 --> 01:13:31,389 watering down 2041 01:13:31,704 --> 01:13:33,404 kink? Kink is transgressive. 2042 01:13:33,704 --> 01:13:35,864 Kink is supposed to be a little bit 2043 01:13:35,864 --> 01:13:38,524 from the outside looking in, deviant, fucking scary. 2044 01:13:38,744 --> 01:13:41,064 We many of us do shit that would 2045 01:13:41,064 --> 01:13:42,984 get the cops called on us if a 2046 01:13:42,984 --> 01:13:44,984 stranger saw it. I mean, it didn't have 2047 01:13:44,984 --> 01:13:46,489 context. Quite frankly, 2048 01:13:46,869 --> 01:13:49,109 sometimes we still do get the cops called 2049 01:13:49,109 --> 01:13:50,630 on us and they don't even care about 2050 01:13:50,630 --> 01:13:53,269 the context. Right. You know, that not all 2051 01:13:53,269 --> 01:13:55,429 kink is exactly that, but that is the 2052 01:13:55,429 --> 01:13:56,489 trope of kink. 2053 01:13:56,869 --> 01:14:00,145 The fact many of us, not all, but 2054 01:14:00,145 --> 01:14:00,645 enough, 2055 01:14:00,945 --> 01:14:02,945 have been raised to the idea that no 2056 01:14:02,945 --> 01:14:05,824 man nope. No woman should be submissive to 2057 01:14:05,824 --> 01:14:07,664 a man just because she's a woman. That 2058 01:14:07,664 --> 01:14:10,225 is fucking true always. But how many female 2059 01:14:10,225 --> 01:14:12,244 subs have to go through 2060 01:14:12,784 --> 01:14:13,524 the, like, 2061 01:14:15,159 --> 01:14:15,659 mental 2062 01:14:16,279 --> 01:14:18,920 hoops and twisting turning ourselves inside out to 2063 01:14:18,920 --> 01:14:21,559 go Mhmm. Oh my god. I'm breaking everything 2064 01:14:21,559 --> 01:14:23,479 my mother ever taught me about what it 2065 01:14:23,479 --> 01:14:24,699 means to be a woman. 2066 01:14:25,079 --> 01:14:28,034 I'm setting back feminism fifty years. Why? Because 2067 01:14:28,034 --> 01:14:30,114 even that is a little bit transgressive. The 2068 01:14:30,114 --> 01:14:31,954 whole rise of trad wives does not help. 2069 01:14:31,954 --> 01:14:33,155 It doesn't feel that, 2070 01:14:35,475 --> 01:14:35,975 transgressive 2071 01:14:36,354 --> 01:14:37,095 in TV. 2072 01:14:38,755 --> 01:14:40,515 So it's not just a specific type of 2073 01:14:40,515 --> 01:14:43,869 play, a specific attitude. It's it It's all 2074 01:14:43,869 --> 01:14:46,029 of it. Yeah. All of it. The reason 2075 01:14:46,029 --> 01:14:48,750 it's not vanilla is because it's not the 2076 01:14:48,750 --> 01:14:51,649 societal accepted air quote this is all subjective 2077 01:14:51,789 --> 01:14:54,670 air quote norm. Mhmm. Right? So why are 2078 01:14:54,670 --> 01:14:56,194 we gonna act like 2079 01:14:58,414 --> 01:15:00,814 within that, we still need to separate out? 2080 01:15:00,814 --> 01:15:03,375 It's all fucking kink. It's all kink, and 2081 01:15:03,375 --> 01:15:06,094 it's all our personal playground. Right? We figure 2082 01:15:06,094 --> 01:15:07,534 out who we are and what we like 2083 01:15:07,534 --> 01:15:10,279 and, you know, what we're interested in and 2084 01:15:10,279 --> 01:15:12,279 what we don't like and what sensations we 2085 01:15:12,279 --> 01:15:14,439 like and sometimes they're real intense. You can 2086 01:15:14,439 --> 01:15:17,800 get real intense pleasure to the point of 2087 01:15:17,800 --> 01:15:18,300 pain, 2088 01:15:20,279 --> 01:15:22,135 but that gets forgotten when we talk about 2089 01:15:22,135 --> 01:15:24,695 certain types of sensation. Is it soft if 2090 01:15:24,695 --> 01:15:26,854 I'm crying from all of the orgasms I've 2091 01:15:26,854 --> 01:15:29,895 just gotten? I don't know. Doesn't feel soft 2092 01:15:29,895 --> 01:15:30,795 in the moment. 2093 01:15:31,095 --> 01:15:33,494 Yeah. And that's that's where I come down 2094 01:15:33,494 --> 01:15:36,074 on certain terms. Not all. Not all. 2095 01:15:37,819 --> 01:15:38,639 And maybe 2096 01:15:40,219 --> 01:15:41,819 I said this I think either the pleasure 2097 01:15:41,819 --> 01:15:43,500 dome or the soft and the hard hard 2098 01:15:43,500 --> 01:15:44,719 dome. I can't remember which. 2099 01:15:45,260 --> 01:15:46,880 Maybe this is a thing where 2100 01:15:47,420 --> 01:15:49,760 the community over time needs to refine 2101 01:15:50,534 --> 01:15:52,854 the terms and or the definitions. Because right 2102 01:15:52,854 --> 01:15:55,515 now it's either so new or it's so 2103 01:15:55,895 --> 01:15:58,554 unused within the broader kink community 2104 01:15:58,854 --> 01:16:00,694 that I found one place that found a 2105 01:16:00,694 --> 01:16:02,310 definition that didn't make me 2106 01:16:04,390 --> 01:16:06,949 want to gouge my eyeballs out. One. Now 2107 01:16:06,949 --> 01:16:07,689 now see, 2108 01:16:08,390 --> 01:16:09,609 you know, like 2109 01:16:10,310 --> 01:16:12,569 Eva said, she she found the books entertaining. 2110 01:16:12,630 --> 01:16:14,069 Oh, well, we know plenty of people who 2111 01:16:14,069 --> 01:16:14,569 do. 2112 01:16:14,949 --> 01:16:17,210 And I read I read all the books, 2113 01:16:19,604 --> 01:16:20,104 and 2114 01:16:21,125 --> 01:16:22,744 I looked at them as 2115 01:16:23,765 --> 01:16:25,064 erotica. Sure. 2116 01:16:25,364 --> 01:16:27,465 I did not look at it as a 2117 01:16:27,524 --> 01:16:28,345 how to. 2118 01:16:30,324 --> 01:16:31,145 But you didn't 2119 01:16:31,685 --> 01:16:33,710 need it for that. Right. You didn't have 2120 01:16:33,710 --> 01:16:36,210 your kink awakening while reading those. Exactly. 2121 01:16:40,109 --> 01:16:42,270 You know, I I got it a different 2122 01:16:42,270 --> 01:16:44,829 way, and I knew enough that I'm I'm 2123 01:16:44,829 --> 01:16:46,324 reading that book, I've read 2124 01:16:46,784 --> 01:16:49,664 enough erotica and and other, you know. Yeah. 2125 01:16:49,664 --> 01:16:50,164 It's 2126 01:16:50,944 --> 01:16:51,685 pretty cool, 2127 01:16:52,145 --> 01:16:52,885 but it's 2128 01:16:53,344 --> 01:16:56,145 not the real deal. Sure. And too many 2129 01:16:56,145 --> 01:16:57,364 people took it 2130 01:16:57,824 --> 01:16:59,664 as a real deal. Part of that is 2131 01:16:59,664 --> 01:17:00,164 because 2132 01:17:01,689 --> 01:17:02,670 then, now, 2133 01:17:03,530 --> 01:17:05,710 God knows thirty, forty years ago and beyond, 2134 01:17:06,130 --> 01:17:06,630 it 2135 01:17:07,449 --> 01:17:10,810 BDSM is not as mainstream as it social 2136 01:17:10,810 --> 01:17:12,569 media will make you think things are mainstream. 2137 01:17:12,569 --> 01:17:14,985 They're still not. Okay? I have I gotta, 2138 01:17:14,985 --> 01:17:16,664 like, get my shit together in this, but 2139 01:17:16,664 --> 01:17:19,225 I got a whole, like, rant episode of 2140 01:17:19,225 --> 01:17:20,905 some of the ways I'm very tired of 2141 01:17:20,905 --> 01:17:22,824 how BDSM is portrayed in some of these 2142 01:17:22,824 --> 01:17:24,505 movies. It's probably the same thing we've always 2143 01:17:24,505 --> 01:17:26,104 said, but there's just some things watching these 2144 01:17:26,104 --> 01:17:27,704 movies lately. I'm just like, are you fucking 2145 01:17:27,704 --> 01:17:28,445 kidding me? 2146 01:17:29,000 --> 01:17:30,840 So even when BDSM gets a little bit 2147 01:17:30,840 --> 01:17:32,300 of airplay, it's not 2148 01:17:33,159 --> 01:17:33,659 usually 2149 01:17:34,280 --> 01:17:36,119 sometimes it is, but usually it's not exact 2150 01:17:36,199 --> 01:17:38,460 it doesn't exactly do us justice. Right? 2151 01:17:38,840 --> 01:17:39,340 So 2152 01:17:40,280 --> 01:17:41,100 if you 2153 01:17:41,479 --> 01:17:43,994 read or watch something like 50 Shades of 2154 01:17:44,074 --> 01:17:46,395 Grey and go holy shit, I'm really turned 2155 01:17:46,395 --> 01:17:48,635 on, and I'm like I'm down for that, 2156 01:17:48,635 --> 01:17:50,814 and I want to try that, but you 2157 01:17:51,034 --> 01:17:54,074 have never come across this in your life 2158 01:17:54,074 --> 01:17:56,235 in a way that doesn't make you go, 2159 01:17:56,395 --> 01:17:59,369 I think that's actually assault, and is what? 2160 01:17:59,369 --> 01:18:01,310 What is happening in this movie? Right? 2161 01:18:03,210 --> 01:18:03,710 Sidebar. 2162 01:18:04,250 --> 01:18:07,050 Movie night through our Discord that we do 2163 01:18:07,050 --> 01:18:09,289 every other month. There have been many times 2164 01:18:09,289 --> 01:18:10,729 I'm in the text chat because we're not 2165 01:18:10,729 --> 01:18:11,965 gonna interrupt my voice chat, 2166 01:18:12,765 --> 01:18:14,444 interrupt the movie with voice chat. I'm like 2167 01:18:14,444 --> 01:18:16,045 you know that'd be really sexy if there'd 2168 01:18:16,045 --> 01:18:18,704 been consent there. That kind of stuff, right? 2169 01:18:18,844 --> 01:18:19,904 If you're first 2170 01:18:20,524 --> 01:18:21,024 erotic 2171 01:18:22,204 --> 01:18:23,425 or interesting 2172 01:18:23,885 --> 01:18:24,385 or 2173 01:18:25,439 --> 01:18:27,359 this is not this doesn't make me feel 2174 01:18:27,359 --> 01:18:30,399 bad as a human. Peek into kink is 2175 01:18:30,399 --> 01:18:31,779 a book is a movie. 2176 01:18:32,399 --> 01:18:34,239 I don't like it but I understand why 2177 01:18:34,239 --> 01:18:35,840 people go okay I'll try that because that's 2178 01:18:35,840 --> 01:18:37,199 the thing that turned me on. That's the 2179 01:18:37,199 --> 01:18:39,524 thing, you know, I want to try because 2180 01:18:39,524 --> 01:18:41,364 that's the thing I was introduced to. Because 2181 01:18:41,364 --> 01:18:43,045 it's not like you can you can as 2182 01:18:43,045 --> 01:18:45,125 a, you know, somebody who doesn't know anything 2183 01:18:45,125 --> 01:18:47,765 about kink, non kinkster with no community, just 2184 01:18:47,765 --> 01:18:49,364 go to your Facebook page and go, hey, 2185 01:18:49,364 --> 01:18:51,380 does anybody know about this bondage thing? Like, 2186 01:18:51,380 --> 01:18:52,899 you're not most people are not gonna fucking 2187 01:18:52,899 --> 01:18:53,800 do that, right? 2188 01:18:55,140 --> 01:18:56,199 So, you know, 2189 01:18:56,579 --> 01:18:58,979 the lack of mainstreaming of kink in a 2190 01:18:58,979 --> 01:19:01,619 way that's actually healthy and helpful. It makes 2191 01:19:01,619 --> 01:19:03,800 sense why people read a book and then 2192 01:19:04,085 --> 01:19:05,604 think that's the thing I'm gonna do. And 2193 01:19:05,844 --> 01:19:06,244 Yeah. 2194 01:19:06,645 --> 01:19:08,344 Anybody's like, what the hell is that noise? 2195 01:19:08,645 --> 01:19:09,545 Ella is, 2196 01:19:10,244 --> 01:19:11,304 sniffing and, 2197 01:19:11,764 --> 01:19:13,225 getting very close to the microphone. 2198 01:19:14,804 --> 01:19:17,619 So as always, there's a shit ton of 2199 01:19:17,619 --> 01:19:18,680 nuance to this. 2200 01:19:19,060 --> 01:19:21,220 I think I think I can currently come 2201 01:19:21,220 --> 01:19:23,220 down on the not a fan of soft 2202 01:19:23,220 --> 01:19:23,720 kink, 2203 01:19:24,260 --> 01:19:25,880 hard kink, those those 2204 01:19:26,579 --> 01:19:30,420 divisions because I think for majority of people 2205 01:19:30,420 --> 01:19:31,880 they're kind they're meaningless 2206 01:19:32,444 --> 01:19:34,685 because one person soft is another person's hard, 2207 01:19:34,685 --> 01:19:36,625 one person's hard is another person soft. 2208 01:19:37,324 --> 01:19:37,824 Intensity 2209 01:19:38,204 --> 01:19:41,965 of player sensation, man, that's really subjective and 2210 01:19:41,965 --> 01:19:44,045 could change from scene to scene, day to 2211 01:19:44,045 --> 01:19:46,869 day, mood to mood. Right? Some days I 2212 01:19:46,869 --> 01:19:48,550 want it soft and fucking gentle and just, 2213 01:19:48,550 --> 01:19:50,489 like, be nice and rub my ass, daddy. 2214 01:19:50,869 --> 01:19:53,189 Sometimes I'm like, look. I want to question 2215 01:19:53,189 --> 01:19:55,210 if you actually like me. Okay? 2216 01:19:59,029 --> 01:20:00,574 And I know I'm not alone in that. 2217 01:20:00,574 --> 01:20:02,655 I know that from observation. I know that 2218 01:20:02,655 --> 01:20:04,975 from all these years talking to all of 2219 01:20:04,975 --> 01:20:06,994 y'all over time. You know? 2220 01:20:09,774 --> 01:20:11,475 So I'm not a fan of the term. 2221 01:20:12,095 --> 01:20:14,255 I don't think currently it's a term that 2222 01:20:14,255 --> 01:20:17,060 the larger BDSM community has adopted yet. 2223 01:20:18,880 --> 01:20:20,899 If you vibe with the term, 2224 01:20:21,680 --> 01:20:23,680 that's your right to fucking do that. I 2225 01:20:23,680 --> 01:20:24,500 would request 2226 01:20:25,439 --> 01:20:25,939 in 2227 01:20:26,560 --> 01:20:28,659 an effort to communicate clearly, 2228 01:20:29,324 --> 01:20:29,824 to 2229 01:20:30,444 --> 01:20:32,704 know yourself very well, that you 2230 01:20:33,164 --> 01:20:35,164 define it for yourself as clearly as you 2231 01:20:35,164 --> 01:20:35,664 can. 2232 01:20:36,045 --> 01:20:38,284 But also I beg of you, I beg 2233 01:20:38,284 --> 01:20:40,604 of anybody who picks a term or a 2234 01:20:40,604 --> 01:20:43,725 label or whatever, to understand that none of 2235 01:20:43,725 --> 01:20:43,885 us 2236 01:20:44,920 --> 01:20:46,680 you are not required to twist yourself into 2237 01:20:46,680 --> 01:20:49,000 knots to fit the fucking label. The label 2238 01:20:49,000 --> 01:20:50,600 has to fit you, and if it doesn't 2239 01:20:50,600 --> 01:20:52,300 fit then don't use it, right? 2240 01:20:52,760 --> 01:20:54,699 Don't pigeonhole yourself into something 2241 01:20:55,319 --> 01:20:57,159 and then somehow feel guilty or bad or 2242 01:20:57,159 --> 01:20:59,055 like you're doing kink wrong when you 2243 01:21:09,215 --> 01:21:10,275 sanitization, the 2244 01:21:11,770 --> 01:21:13,229 the sanit sanitization, 2245 01:21:14,489 --> 01:21:16,969 the mainstreaming, the watering down so that we 2246 01:21:16,969 --> 01:21:19,770 can talk about it on non in non 2247 01:21:19,770 --> 01:21:20,510 kink spaces 2248 01:21:20,969 --> 01:21:23,149 of these terms of kink that 2249 01:21:23,609 --> 01:21:25,869 bleeds into all of this in some way. 2250 01:21:26,125 --> 01:21:27,965 I don't have any direct correlations. I don't 2251 01:21:27,965 --> 01:21:30,604 have any, like, grand answers for how, but 2252 01:21:30,604 --> 01:21:32,224 I think that has something 2253 01:21:33,244 --> 01:21:35,724 to do with it a little bit. Mhmm. 2254 01:21:35,724 --> 01:21:36,625 You know? Because 2255 01:21:37,005 --> 01:21:39,359 I agree. We have entire platforms where you 2256 01:21:39,439 --> 01:21:42,319 cannot say or type certain words without getting 2257 01:21:42,319 --> 01:21:44,719 banned or blocked or kicked off or no 2258 01:21:44,719 --> 01:21:47,139 more monetization for you or whatever whatever whatever. 2259 01:21:47,520 --> 01:21:50,479 And that does change how we speak as 2260 01:21:50,479 --> 01:21:51,954 the general we. Right? 2261 01:21:52,574 --> 01:21:54,994 And how we communicate these things 2262 01:21:55,454 --> 01:21:57,614 then trickles down to people who are just 2263 01:21:57,614 --> 01:22:00,274 discovering it. And if that's their first introduction 2264 01:22:00,574 --> 01:22:01,395 to kink 2265 01:22:01,774 --> 01:22:03,774 and it's resonating with them, but they're using 2266 01:22:03,774 --> 01:22:05,854 words that the actual kink community who's living 2267 01:22:05,854 --> 01:22:07,789 the fucking life on some level is like, 2268 01:22:07,789 --> 01:22:09,329 what the fuck does this even mean? 2269 01:22:09,710 --> 01:22:11,329 It's unhelpful, but 2270 01:22:11,869 --> 01:22:13,649 that that's playing a part because 2271 01:22:14,029 --> 01:22:15,550 which came first, the chicken or the egg? 2272 01:22:15,550 --> 01:22:17,409 Which came first? The term 2273 01:22:17,710 --> 01:22:20,510 soft BDSM that somebody resonated with and then 2274 01:22:20,510 --> 01:22:22,604 went, shit. That doesn't actually mean anything. Let 2275 01:22:22,604 --> 01:22:23,824 me come up with a definition. 2276 01:22:24,204 --> 01:22:25,744 Or was that 2277 01:22:26,685 --> 01:22:27,345 kind of 2278 01:22:28,284 --> 01:22:28,784 grouping 2279 01:22:29,484 --> 01:22:31,805 of ways of being kinky out there and 2280 01:22:31,805 --> 01:22:33,739 there was just no term for it. Which 2281 01:22:33,739 --> 01:22:35,739 one was it? If it is somebody used 2282 01:22:35,739 --> 01:22:37,340 a term that resonated but there was no 2283 01:22:37,340 --> 01:22:39,180 actual definition and people are now trying to 2284 01:22:39,180 --> 01:22:40,079 make a definition, 2285 01:22:41,180 --> 01:22:43,360 that's gonna be imprecise until 2286 01:22:44,220 --> 01:22:46,140 a greater part of the community kind of 2287 01:22:46,140 --> 01:22:47,295 goes actually maybe 2288 01:22:48,255 --> 01:22:50,335 that's not the right word, maybe we switch 2289 01:22:50,335 --> 01:22:52,494 that term, let's tweak the definition, whatever whatever. 2290 01:22:52,494 --> 01:22:53,715 You know what I mean? 2291 01:22:55,614 --> 01:22:55,935 I just 2292 01:23:00,340 --> 01:23:02,340 That I think it's complicated. I'm not a 2293 01:23:02,340 --> 01:23:02,840 fan. 2294 01:23:03,539 --> 01:23:05,460 For all the semantic reasons, I can always 2295 01:23:05,460 --> 01:23:06,199 bitch about. 2296 01:23:06,979 --> 01:23:09,220 You know, one person's this is another person's 2297 01:23:09,220 --> 01:23:10,820 that, blah blah blah blah. You put yourself 2298 01:23:10,820 --> 01:23:12,734 into a box. It's not gonna fit eventually, 2299 01:23:12,734 --> 01:23:14,255 and then you're gonna be all like, what 2300 01:23:14,255 --> 01:23:16,574 am I even really? Then you're gonna be 2301 01:23:16,574 --> 01:23:18,494 in my inbox and I'm gonna do the, 2302 01:23:18,494 --> 01:23:21,074 don't worry. It's fine. We contain multitudes. 2303 01:23:22,175 --> 01:23:22,755 You know? 2304 01:23:23,215 --> 01:23:25,279 You don't have to keep the label you 2305 01:23:25,819 --> 01:23:28,099 picked on day one of kink. Like, most 2306 01:23:28,300 --> 01:23:30,059 many of us don't. Some people do, but 2307 01:23:30,059 --> 01:23:31,819 many of us really don't. It shifts it 2308 01:23:31,819 --> 01:23:34,079 more. It's kind of supposed to. 2309 01:23:34,460 --> 01:23:37,405 Yep. Good lord. If kink was all if 2310 01:23:37,405 --> 01:23:38,925 the kink life I was trying to live 2311 01:23:38,925 --> 01:23:41,725 today was what I first discovered on the 2312 01:23:41,725 --> 01:23:43,425 Internet in 2010, 2313 01:23:44,604 --> 01:23:45,645 first of all, I think I'd have a 2314 01:23:45,645 --> 01:23:47,405 lot more kinky sex. But I'm pretty sure 2315 01:23:47,405 --> 01:23:49,725 I'd be fucking miserable because that version of 2316 01:23:49,725 --> 01:23:52,389 kink I was finding and resonating with had 2317 01:23:52,389 --> 01:23:53,130 no sass, 2318 01:23:54,229 --> 01:23:55,770 had no, playfulness, 2319 01:23:56,310 --> 01:23:58,710 nobody was giggling. There was a lot of 2320 01:23:58,710 --> 01:23:59,770 sort of quiet, 2321 01:24:00,630 --> 01:24:01,849 unquestioning obedience. 2322 01:24:03,685 --> 01:24:06,164 Is anybody surprised? That's not quite my jam. 2323 01:24:06,164 --> 01:24:06,664 Right? 2324 01:24:08,885 --> 01:24:11,064 That's all I'm fucking saying. Yeah. 2325 01:24:11,604 --> 01:24:13,305 Any parting thoughts? 2326 01:24:13,925 --> 01:24:15,765 I ranted so hard my cheeks are really 2327 01:24:15,765 --> 01:24:18,289 hot right now. Got them rolling. They're very 2328 01:24:18,289 --> 01:24:20,050 red. I know. Yeah. I kinda think I 2329 01:24:20,050 --> 01:24:21,449 have rosacea, but I don't know that for 2330 01:24:21,449 --> 01:24:23,810 a fact because, health insurance does not cover 2331 01:24:23,810 --> 01:24:24,949 those kinds of dermatology 2332 01:24:25,329 --> 01:24:27,409 appointments, and I don't care enough to come 2333 01:24:27,409 --> 01:24:28,784 back home. But I think 2334 01:24:29,585 --> 01:24:31,664 I might. Anyway, that has nothing to do 2335 01:24:31,664 --> 01:24:33,045 with this. No. So, 2336 01:24:34,465 --> 01:24:35,905 you get to decide for yourself what you 2337 01:24:35,905 --> 01:24:37,845 think of soft BDSM. Yeah. I know. 2338 01:24:38,225 --> 01:24:40,225 Do you have a a a final thought 2339 01:24:40,225 --> 01:24:41,989 on the punctuation at the end of the 2340 01:24:41,989 --> 01:24:43,989 sentence on soft BDSM? No. Is it a 2341 01:24:43,989 --> 01:24:45,909 yeah what she said kind of deal? It 2342 01:24:45,909 --> 01:24:46,949 can be if you want it to be. 2343 01:24:46,949 --> 01:24:48,170 I mean, you know, it 2344 01:24:48,550 --> 01:24:50,470 it it kinda is what it is. I 2345 01:24:50,710 --> 01:24:52,229 You don't kinda care that much, do you? 2346 01:24:52,229 --> 01:24:54,789 No. Yeah. No. I'm I'm the word girl 2347 01:24:54,789 --> 01:24:56,229 who thinks blah blah blah blah. And I 2348 01:24:56,229 --> 01:24:58,385 get very heated over these I mean, like 2349 01:24:58,385 --> 01:24:59,905 like I said, I I think it, you 2350 01:24:59,905 --> 01:25:00,405 know, 2351 01:25:00,945 --> 01:25:02,704 from from my point of view, how I 2352 01:25:02,704 --> 01:25:03,364 see it, 2353 01:25:05,265 --> 01:25:07,025 you know, I I think it gives a 2354 01:25:07,104 --> 01:25:09,185 some can give people a false 2355 01:25:09,820 --> 01:25:12,479 Yes. Perception of what it is. Mhmm. 2356 01:25:13,900 --> 01:25:14,720 Mhmm. I agree. 2357 01:25:15,180 --> 01:25:15,680 So 2358 01:25:17,100 --> 01:25:17,579 anyhow 2359 01:25:18,220 --> 01:25:19,439 Okay. K? 2360 01:25:20,140 --> 01:25:21,739 Yeah. I'm sure somebody's pissed off at me. 2361 01:25:21,739 --> 01:25:23,659 It'll be okay. I'm I'm when I'm prepped 2362 01:25:23,659 --> 01:25:24,844 for it, it doesn't bother me when it 2363 01:25:24,844 --> 01:25:27,324 happens. So when I'm surprised by somebody's anger, 2364 01:25:27,324 --> 01:25:28,385 then I'm like, what? 2365 01:25:29,404 --> 01:25:31,725 So yeah. We can that's that on that, 2366 01:25:31,725 --> 01:25:33,404 and we can hoop on a section. Okay. 2367 01:25:33,404 --> 01:25:35,404 So are we good? I don't know. I 2368 01:25:35,404 --> 01:25:36,064 don't know. 2369 01:25:36,920 --> 01:25:38,680 Keep it kinky, y'all. And we'll see you 2370 01:25:38,680 --> 01:25:39,420 next week. 2371 01:25:48,280 --> 01:25:50,439 Howdy. Yes, baby girl. Can I talk to 2372 01:25:50,439 --> 01:25:51,635 the crickets? Sure. 2373 01:25:52,255 --> 01:25:54,335 Tayceu said, is this episode an attempt for 2374 01:25:54,335 --> 01:25:55,875 Kayla to keep her inbox clear? 2375 01:25:57,534 --> 01:26:00,114 You know, yes and no. Like, 2376 01:26:00,814 --> 01:26:02,755 I have a very weird, like, 2377 01:26:03,215 --> 01:26:04,514 way of looking at this. 2378 01:26:05,295 --> 01:26:07,770 On one hand hopefully I can articulate 2379 01:26:08,630 --> 01:26:09,770 this. On one hand, 2380 01:26:10,389 --> 01:26:12,489 I believe that part of 2381 01:26:13,909 --> 01:26:16,229 the journey of all this is to the 2382 01:26:16,229 --> 01:26:18,569 extent that you do like are, you know, 2383 01:26:18,725 --> 01:26:20,244 mitigate risk and are still alive at the 2384 01:26:20,244 --> 01:26:21,685 end of it, people are gonna walk through 2385 01:26:21,685 --> 01:26:23,925 this journey and you it's on the job 2386 01:26:23,925 --> 01:26:26,005 training when it comes to kink. You're learning 2387 01:26:26,005 --> 01:26:27,784 as you go, and that 2388 01:26:28,164 --> 01:26:30,805 tends to have the lessons that stick the 2389 01:26:30,805 --> 01:26:31,625 best. Right? 2390 01:26:31,989 --> 01:26:33,350 I'm also the type of person that's like, 2391 01:26:33,350 --> 01:26:35,670 I cannot protect everybody from themselves. It's just 2392 01:26:35,670 --> 01:26:36,729 impossible. Right? 2393 01:26:37,270 --> 01:26:40,630 And yet also I am desperate sometimes to 2394 01:26:40,630 --> 01:26:41,770 reach the person 2395 01:26:42,310 --> 01:26:43,130 who has 2396 01:26:43,750 --> 01:26:45,829 tied up their sense of self worth and 2397 01:26:45,829 --> 01:26:47,050 value as a kinkster 2398 01:26:48,234 --> 01:26:48,734 into 2399 01:26:49,194 --> 01:26:51,515 what other people tell them kink is supposed 2400 01:26:51,515 --> 01:26:54,635 to be. Right? Or what other people say 2401 01:26:54,635 --> 01:26:56,795 is the real way, the right way, the 2402 01:26:56,795 --> 01:26:59,670 true way. You know, here's this one simple 2403 01:26:59,670 --> 01:27:02,010 term they aren't they won't tell you about. 2404 01:27:02,069 --> 01:27:03,750 You know, you're kinky. Like that kind of 2405 01:27:03,750 --> 01:27:04,810 bullshit. Like I'm 2406 01:27:05,189 --> 01:27:07,350 desperate to kind of like find get to 2407 01:27:07,350 --> 01:27:08,869 those people and go, look, look, woah, woah, 2408 01:27:08,869 --> 01:27:10,149 you get to make this whatever the fuck 2409 01:27:10,149 --> 01:27:11,270 you want it to be. I can't tell 2410 01:27:11,270 --> 01:27:12,329 you what this is 2411 01:27:12,744 --> 01:27:14,104 because I don't know you and live your 2412 01:27:14,104 --> 01:27:16,024 life. Like, that's the other thing. When we 2413 01:27:16,024 --> 01:27:18,024 talk about this with many of y'all who 2414 01:27:18,024 --> 01:27:19,704 are you know, many of you have plenty 2415 01:27:19,704 --> 01:27:21,465 of experience of kink. You're very solid in 2416 01:27:21,465 --> 01:27:23,225 your kink life. You're, like, you're not looking 2417 01:27:23,225 --> 01:27:25,385 to do a lot of, like, big changes 2418 01:27:25,385 --> 01:27:26,045 or whatever. 2419 01:27:26,550 --> 01:27:28,149 I don't wanna tell you how I think 2420 01:27:28,149 --> 01:27:31,030 you should think about something. I wanna give 2421 01:27:31,030 --> 01:27:33,270 you the concept or the question that maybe 2422 01:27:33,270 --> 01:27:34,949 you had not thought about before. I'll give 2423 01:27:34,949 --> 01:27:37,530 you my thoughts all day every damn day. 2424 01:27:37,829 --> 01:27:39,829 But mostly what I want those folks to 2425 01:27:39,829 --> 01:27:41,510 walk away from this with is, oh, well, 2426 01:27:41,510 --> 01:27:43,485 what do I think about that? Sometimes the 2427 01:27:43,485 --> 01:27:44,925 answer is I actually don't give a fuck 2428 01:27:44,925 --> 01:27:45,905 and that's valid. 2429 01:27:47,324 --> 01:27:49,405 But sometimes it's, oh, I never thought of 2430 01:27:49,405 --> 01:27:50,685 it that way. Let me go off and 2431 01:27:50,685 --> 01:27:52,445 think about it, have a conversation with my 2432 01:27:52,445 --> 01:27:54,925 community or my partner or my whoever, and 2433 01:27:54,925 --> 01:27:56,604 then that's how people get to decide for 2434 01:27:56,604 --> 01:27:57,829 their fucking selves 2435 01:27:58,609 --> 01:28:00,609 what these things mean to them. That's what 2436 01:28:00,609 --> 01:28:02,850 I ultimately want for everybody, but there is 2437 01:28:02,850 --> 01:28:04,210 a part of me that is desperate to 2438 01:28:04,210 --> 01:28:05,270 get to those people 2439 01:28:05,729 --> 01:28:08,449 and to validate those people and to calm 2440 01:28:08,449 --> 01:28:09,944 the fears of those people who are like 2441 01:28:09,944 --> 01:28:12,104 I'm doing it all wrong. You're not. You're 2442 01:28:12,104 --> 01:28:14,344 not. Are you are you clearly communicating to 2443 01:28:14,344 --> 01:28:15,725 the best of your current abilities? 2444 01:28:16,185 --> 01:28:17,804 Are, you know, is consent 2445 01:28:18,344 --> 01:28:19,725 informed and enthusiastic 2446 01:28:20,104 --> 01:28:21,164 and clear? 2447 01:28:21,704 --> 01:28:24,604 Do you know that there are risks associated 2448 01:28:24,744 --> 01:28:26,479 what with what you're doing and how you're 2449 01:28:26,479 --> 01:28:29,199 gonna try your best to avoid them? After 2450 01:28:29,199 --> 01:28:29,699 that, 2451 01:28:30,319 --> 01:28:31,699 you're fine. You're fine. You're fine. 2452 01:28:32,800 --> 01:28:34,719 Just find your own fucking path, whatever it 2453 01:28:34,719 --> 01:28:36,500 is. I don't want anybody to copy me. 2454 01:28:36,560 --> 01:28:38,579 I don't know my own path. Some days 2455 01:28:38,800 --> 01:28:40,744 some days I'm like, I would like to 2456 01:28:40,744 --> 01:28:43,064 have this kink fantasy in my head. And 2457 01:28:43,064 --> 01:28:44,744 then I'm like, actually, no. I just want 2458 01:28:44,744 --> 01:28:46,185 that to stay right there, up there in 2459 01:28:46,185 --> 01:28:47,864 the noggin. I don't need that out in 2460 01:28:47,864 --> 01:28:49,225 real life. And some days I'm like, I 2461 01:28:49,225 --> 01:28:50,904 wanna be a sassy little baby girl. And 2462 01:28:50,904 --> 01:28:52,744 sometimes I'm like, I want you to make 2463 01:28:52,744 --> 01:28:53,484 me cry. 2464 01:28:54,979 --> 01:28:56,739 Who am I to tell you what your 2465 01:28:56,739 --> 01:28:57,960 King Clive should be? 2466 01:28:59,140 --> 01:29:00,039 I don't know. 2467 01:29:00,899 --> 01:29:01,399 Anyway, 2468 01:29:02,020 --> 01:29:03,579 so all that said no. I'm not trying 2469 01:29:03,579 --> 01:29:05,159 to keep my inbox clear because 2470 01:29:08,020 --> 01:29:10,024 it's gonna be in the Monday podcast, but 2471 01:29:10,024 --> 01:29:11,564 I think I should tell him myself 2472 01:29:12,984 --> 01:29:14,984 because of the inbox clear comment. Should I 2473 01:29:14,984 --> 01:29:15,804 tell him myself? 2474 01:29:18,505 --> 01:29:20,125 Your kinky friend 2475 01:29:21,304 --> 01:29:23,149 Kayla Lords is a dumbass. 2476 01:29:24,250 --> 01:29:25,949 Just put that on a shirt somewhere. 2477 01:29:26,569 --> 01:29:27,710 You made a mistake. 2478 01:29:28,649 --> 01:29:30,810 It's not the mistake. The mistake is fine. 2479 01:29:30,810 --> 01:29:33,229 It's what I put myself through. 2480 01:29:34,354 --> 01:29:36,114 We came off of hiatus for the Q 2481 01:29:36,114 --> 01:29:38,034 and A episodes. We did one and then 2482 01:29:38,034 --> 01:29:40,194 I'm sure if anybody actually listens or watches 2483 01:29:40,194 --> 01:29:42,675 those, you're like, where'd they go? We weren't 2484 01:29:42,675 --> 01:29:44,594 getting questions. We weren't getting questions. I was 2485 01:29:44,594 --> 01:29:46,750 like, I know that email inbox I'm using 2486 01:29:46,750 --> 01:29:48,869 is a little janky but I I've been 2487 01:29:48,869 --> 01:29:50,869 getting emails. I know it works on that. 2488 01:29:50,869 --> 01:29:52,949 I can't send from that email account. It's 2489 01:29:52,949 --> 01:29:55,210 very annoying. It's a mystery. Anyway. 2490 01:29:55,989 --> 01:29:56,489 So 2491 01:29:57,110 --> 01:29:58,470 but no emails are coming through. And I'm 2492 01:29:58,470 --> 01:30:00,310 like, I'm not gonna force it. If we 2493 01:30:00,310 --> 01:30:02,170 don't have emails, we just don't record 2494 01:30:02,805 --> 01:30:04,485 a video that week or record a podcast 2495 01:30:04,485 --> 01:30:06,265 episode. It's fine. It's fine. 2496 01:30:07,045 --> 01:30:08,985 But after a few weeks I was like, 2497 01:30:09,845 --> 01:30:12,345 does nobody want to ask us questions anymore? 2498 01:30:12,405 --> 01:30:14,185 I mean I'm a little sad about that. 2499 01:30:14,405 --> 01:30:16,680 Is are we should I not focus on 2500 01:30:16,680 --> 01:30:18,039 Q and As? Is that not working for 2501 01:30:18,039 --> 01:30:19,899 us? Do people not want them? And then 2502 01:30:20,119 --> 01:30:21,739 because I am who I am, 2503 01:30:22,039 --> 01:30:24,920 do they not like us anymore, y'all? I 2504 01:30:24,920 --> 01:30:25,979 know. It's a problem. 2505 01:30:26,520 --> 01:30:27,960 And then I'm in the back end of 2506 01:30:27,960 --> 01:30:28,939 the Loving BDSM 2507 01:30:29,395 --> 01:30:31,475 website and I'm like, why does this thing 2508 01:30:31,475 --> 01:30:31,975 have 2509 01:30:32,994 --> 01:30:34,135 59 2510 01:30:34,435 --> 01:30:37,094 notifications? I'm like, what the fuck is this? 2511 01:30:37,314 --> 01:30:38,675 It's not a part of the site I 2512 01:30:38,675 --> 01:30:39,895 look at very often. 2513 01:30:40,594 --> 01:30:41,895 I go. I click. 2514 01:30:42,610 --> 01:30:44,690 And first of all, the 59 was deceptive 2515 01:30:44,690 --> 01:30:46,050 because there were duplicates of a lot of 2516 01:30:46,050 --> 01:30:47,090 things. I was like, what the fuck is 2517 01:30:47,090 --> 01:30:49,650 this about? It was all of the messages 2518 01:30:49,650 --> 01:30:51,750 y'all have been sending through our contact page 2519 01:30:51,970 --> 01:30:53,110 for a month. 2520 01:30:53,570 --> 01:30:55,670 And there were many. There were several. 2521 01:30:56,465 --> 01:30:57,845 And I went, Oh. 2522 01:30:58,784 --> 01:31:01,345 We are liked. Okay. People do so and 2523 01:31:01,345 --> 01:31:03,604 ask us questions. Why do I like 2524 01:31:04,145 --> 01:31:05,664 bottle up my own sense of self worth 2525 01:31:05,664 --> 01:31:06,225 in that? 2526 01:31:07,024 --> 01:31:09,345 I have theories. It's whatever. It is a 2527 01:31:09,345 --> 01:31:10,404 problem. I know. 2528 01:31:11,409 --> 01:31:12,529 But then I also felt bad. I was 2529 01:31:12,529 --> 01:31:13,809 like, man, we haven't been recording Q and 2530 01:31:13,809 --> 01:31:15,090 A episodes. There are people going, when are 2531 01:31:15,090 --> 01:31:16,449 you gonna get to my fucking question? You 2532 01:31:16,449 --> 01:31:18,130 think you don't have questions? I sent a 2533 01:31:18,130 --> 01:31:20,050 question in. I found them. If you were 2534 01:31:20,050 --> 01:31:21,809 that person going, why aren't they doing questions? 2535 01:31:21,809 --> 01:31:23,889 I sent a question in. I found it. 2536 01:31:23,889 --> 01:31:26,675 We recorded one for next Monday. It's fine. 2537 01:31:26,895 --> 01:31:27,395 Oopsie. 2538 01:31:31,215 --> 01:31:33,314 So I mentioned it in the Monday episode, 2539 01:31:33,774 --> 01:31:34,595 and Silent, 2540 01:31:34,975 --> 01:31:37,774 on my long rant said from before this 2541 01:31:37,774 --> 01:31:40,050 rant, that was a very long complicated way 2542 01:31:40,050 --> 01:31:41,350 to say you do you, 2543 01:31:42,449 --> 01:31:43,989 boo. Look, if I'm not 2544 01:31:44,850 --> 01:31:45,909 making a simple 2545 01:31:46,369 --> 01:31:48,149 explanation longer, complicated, 2546 01:31:48,449 --> 01:31:48,949 windier, 2547 01:31:49,570 --> 01:31:51,109 and also like 2548 01:31:51,729 --> 01:31:52,550 more chaotic, 2549 01:31:53,489 --> 01:31:54,789 is it really me? 2550 01:31:55,114 --> 01:31:57,354 And Are You at the Loving BDSM podcast? 2551 01:31:57,354 --> 01:31:59,435 I don't think you are. And I don't 2552 01:31:59,435 --> 01:32:01,675 think it is. I think it's like somebody 2553 01:32:01,675 --> 01:32:03,275 else. Somebody who does this way better than 2554 01:32:03,275 --> 01:32:03,854 I do. 2555 01:32:09,550 --> 01:32:10,989 Silent asked, does that mean we have a 2556 01:32:10,989 --> 01:32:12,590 super mega three hour Q and A episode 2557 01:32:12,590 --> 01:32:14,510 coming up? Nope. Nope. Okay. But we I 2558 01:32:14,510 --> 01:32:16,369 do not have that kind of patience. 2559 01:32:17,949 --> 01:32:18,610 We get 2560 01:32:20,270 --> 01:32:20,770 weekly 2561 01:32:21,070 --> 01:32:23,774 short episodes again. Look, one, I like to 2562 01:32:23,774 --> 01:32:25,375 do this because we can answer more questions 2563 01:32:25,375 --> 01:32:27,314 and we I can practice being concise. 2564 01:32:27,774 --> 01:32:28,914 Thank God for editing. 2565 01:32:29,694 --> 01:32:30,194 Two, 2566 01:32:30,895 --> 01:32:32,755 it's because I know new people 2567 01:32:33,135 --> 01:32:35,055 are not gonna most new people are not 2568 01:32:35,055 --> 01:32:36,814 gonna take a chance on an hour and 2569 01:32:36,814 --> 01:32:37,395 a half 2570 01:32:38,159 --> 01:32:39,679 episode when they don't know who the fuck 2571 01:32:39,679 --> 01:32:40,880 we are or if they care about our 2572 01:32:40,880 --> 01:32:42,960 topic. But they might take a chance on 2573 01:32:42,960 --> 01:32:45,300 a ten to fifteen minute video. So 2574 01:32:48,969 --> 01:32:49,469 anyway. 2575 01:32:50,255 --> 01:32:52,354 That was my oopsie and also 2576 01:32:52,814 --> 01:32:53,314 my, 2577 01:32:53,935 --> 01:32:56,114 lack of self esteem was showing apparently. 2578 01:32:57,935 --> 01:33:00,814 I did this is way inside baseball kind 2579 01:33:00,814 --> 01:33:02,494 of thing. Why do I use sports metaphors 2580 01:33:02,494 --> 01:33:04,260 when I don't know shit about sportball? 2581 01:33:05,139 --> 01:33:07,399 Ball? I read an article recently about 2582 01:33:08,260 --> 01:33:08,760 people 2583 01:33:09,300 --> 01:33:11,139 individuals they were talking about, but in our 2584 01:33:11,139 --> 01:33:12,819 case it's like the two of us, who 2585 01:33:12,819 --> 01:33:16,274 make your brand, your content, your whatever about 2586 01:33:16,755 --> 01:33:18,675 you as the person when you were the 2587 01:33:18,675 --> 01:33:19,175 brand, 2588 01:33:19,475 --> 01:33:22,135 what that means is in the typical dips 2589 01:33:22,274 --> 01:33:23,414 of like engagement 2590 01:33:23,795 --> 01:33:26,854 or views or whatever whatever or when, 2591 01:33:27,395 --> 01:33:29,475 things aren't flowing as easily for you in 2592 01:33:29,475 --> 01:33:31,469 terms of ideas and and content and what 2593 01:33:31,630 --> 01:33:32,289 and whatever, 2594 01:33:33,149 --> 01:33:34,769 then when you make the brand 2595 01:33:35,069 --> 01:33:36,369 about you personally, 2596 01:33:37,229 --> 01:33:38,449 often, not always, 2597 01:33:38,750 --> 01:33:41,949 often means that when things aren't going well 2598 01:33:41,949 --> 01:33:44,289 or it's slowing down or it's difficult, 2599 01:33:44,864 --> 01:33:47,265 instead of saying, oh, let me tweak the 2600 01:33:47,265 --> 01:33:49,284 content. Let me see what's going on 2601 01:33:49,664 --> 01:33:50,164 externally, 2602 01:33:51,425 --> 01:33:53,824 you internalize that you were the problem. Now 2603 01:33:53,824 --> 01:33:55,585 JB, does he do it? Probably not. Maybe 2604 01:33:55,585 --> 01:33:57,505 a little bit. I don't know. Me? All 2605 01:33:57,505 --> 01:33:58,805 the time. All the time. 2606 01:33:59,185 --> 01:34:00,579 All the time. I cannot tell you the 2607 01:34:00,579 --> 01:34:01,939 amount of times I've gone, oh my god 2608 01:34:01,939 --> 01:34:03,560 nobody actually cared about that. 2609 01:34:03,939 --> 01:34:05,539 And not every idea you can have is 2610 01:34:05,539 --> 01:34:06,979 gonna be a good one. But I'm like, 2611 01:34:06,979 --> 01:34:08,579 wow nobody cared about that. And then I 2612 01:34:08,579 --> 01:34:10,020 go back later and go, oh it didn't 2613 01:34:10,020 --> 01:34:10,760 actually publish. 2614 01:34:11,380 --> 01:34:13,399 Okay. So maybe I should not assume 2615 01:34:14,005 --> 01:34:15,845 I'm the prop. I am the problem if 2616 01:34:15,845 --> 01:34:18,565 it didn't publish, but it's a different kind 2617 01:34:18,565 --> 01:34:19,545 of situation. 2618 01:34:21,604 --> 01:34:23,145 Oh, god. It's yeah. 2619 01:34:23,604 --> 01:34:25,045 Shit. I don't know if I need to 2620 01:34:25,045 --> 01:34:27,925 be medicated or just have a therapist. Probably 2621 01:34:27,925 --> 01:34:28,425 both. 2622 01:34:31,179 --> 01:34:31,679 So 2623 01:34:32,380 --> 01:34:33,819 what would what do you have for the 2624 01:34:33,819 --> 01:34:35,899 bonus section as I've run away with it 2625 01:34:35,899 --> 01:34:37,739 as usual? I I don't know at this 2626 01:34:37,739 --> 01:34:38,239 point. 2627 01:34:38,779 --> 01:34:40,479 I don't know. What do we have 2628 01:34:41,340 --> 01:34:42,880 coming up, going on? 2629 01:34:45,435 --> 01:34:47,274 What do we have coming up going on? 2630 01:34:47,274 --> 01:34:48,414 I don't I don't know. 2631 01:34:48,795 --> 01:34:50,014 I mean, next week, 2632 01:34:50,475 --> 01:34:52,395 the oldest has a concert Yes. We'll go 2633 01:34:52,395 --> 01:34:54,475 to. I think that'll be before next week's, 2634 01:34:55,114 --> 01:34:57,594 live stream. I think it's, like, Tuesday. I 2635 01:34:57,594 --> 01:34:59,454 think. Don't quote me on that. 2636 01:35:03,890 --> 01:35:06,690 We are having a nontraditional Thanksgiving, which we 2637 01:35:06,690 --> 01:35:08,369 will definitely talk about later in the month, 2638 01:35:08,369 --> 01:35:10,449 but I'm in the process of planning it 2639 01:35:10,449 --> 01:35:11,510 now. Yeah. 2640 01:35:13,255 --> 01:35:15,255 Are we breaking out the smoker? Basically gonna 2641 01:35:15,255 --> 01:35:16,315 be like a barbecue. 2642 01:35:16,935 --> 01:35:18,454 And when I say barbecue, I do not 2643 01:35:18,454 --> 01:35:19,735 mean, oh, we drag the grill out and 2644 01:35:19,735 --> 01:35:21,175 put some hamburgers and hot dogs. That's a 2645 01:35:21,175 --> 01:35:21,675 cookout. 2646 01:35:22,135 --> 01:35:24,235 Barbecue is something that's smoked, 2647 01:35:24,935 --> 01:35:27,435 seared, something. It's probably been in a brine 2648 01:35:27,494 --> 01:35:28,199 or it's been 2649 01:35:28,680 --> 01:35:29,739 coated in something, 2650 01:35:30,119 --> 01:35:30,619 whatever. 2651 01:35:31,000 --> 01:35:34,199 It's gonna cook for hours upon hours until 2652 01:35:34,199 --> 01:35:36,140 it melts in your hand. 2653 01:35:36,680 --> 01:35:37,659 That's a barbecue. 2654 01:35:39,400 --> 01:35:43,260 Homemade or jarred barbecue sauce is usually involved. 2655 01:35:43,560 --> 01:35:45,965 That's barbecue. Anything else? That's a cookout. 2656 01:35:49,064 --> 01:35:52,104 But you're doing a smoked pork what part 2657 01:35:52,104 --> 01:35:53,465 of the pork is that? The part of 2658 01:35:53,465 --> 01:35:55,385 the pig that is? Shoulder, I believe. Right. 2659 01:35:55,385 --> 01:35:57,164 Until it, like, falls apart. 2660 01:35:58,024 --> 01:36:00,670 I then went, you know, I could keep 2661 01:36:00,670 --> 01:36:01,329 it simple, 2662 01:36:01,949 --> 01:36:03,890 or I could lose my fucking mind. 2663 01:36:04,590 --> 01:36:05,069 I have, 2664 01:36:06,030 --> 01:36:07,630 a list and a chart of all the 2665 01:36:07,630 --> 01:36:09,789 sides I wanna do, mostly because and I 2666 01:36:09,789 --> 01:36:11,869 told Debbie this. I wanna cook once and 2667 01:36:11,869 --> 01:36:13,284 then get, like, three or four days off 2668 01:36:13,284 --> 01:36:14,885 where we just eat in leftovers or you 2669 01:36:14,885 --> 01:36:16,564 make yourself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich 2670 01:36:16,564 --> 01:36:17,465 because I'm done. 2671 01:36:18,005 --> 01:36:20,885 But also the oldest is has confirmed that 2672 01:36:20,885 --> 01:36:23,524 he is it's not confirmation. He said most 2673 01:36:23,524 --> 01:36:26,104 likely coming home for Thanksgiving and bringing, 2674 01:36:27,899 --> 01:36:28,560 his girlfriend. 2675 01:36:29,100 --> 01:36:31,520 So then I'm like, oh, guest in house? 2676 01:36:31,579 --> 01:36:32,239 We must 2677 01:36:32,539 --> 01:36:35,260 do the most and be so extra so 2678 01:36:35,260 --> 01:36:35,760 that 2679 01:36:36,619 --> 01:36:38,460 I look like I know how to interact 2680 01:36:38,460 --> 01:36:41,020 with strangers and be a hostess. I don't. 2681 01:36:41,020 --> 01:36:41,679 I don't. 2682 01:36:42,380 --> 01:36:43,005 I don't. 2683 01:36:43,484 --> 01:36:45,264 But my mama did teach me 2684 01:36:45,885 --> 01:36:47,264 from the cradle 2685 01:36:47,804 --> 01:36:50,625 that when you have company, you feed them. 2686 01:36:51,484 --> 01:36:53,185 Nobody leaves that place 2687 01:36:53,804 --> 01:36:56,064 hungry. I do have to ask about allergies. 2688 01:36:57,005 --> 01:36:58,409 That's the one thing I keep forgetting. 2689 01:37:00,250 --> 01:37:01,150 So yeah. 2690 01:37:01,770 --> 01:37:04,010 And and are we gonna do that as 2691 01:37:04,010 --> 01:37:06,329 we're prepping for Black Friday, except will it 2692 01:37:06,329 --> 01:37:08,489 be a Black Friday? Because there's, you know, 2693 01:37:08,489 --> 01:37:09,869 chatter online about, 2694 01:37:10,904 --> 01:37:12,125 blackout. Blackout, 2695 01:37:12,585 --> 01:37:15,944 which Shopping blackout. Shopping blackout, which I get 2696 01:37:15,944 --> 01:37:17,625 and I respect, but also I'm like, but 2697 01:37:17,625 --> 01:37:19,784 we're just a small business trying to pay 2698 01:37:19,784 --> 01:37:20,604 our markets. 2699 01:37:20,984 --> 01:37:22,984 And and depends on who you hear talking 2700 01:37:22,984 --> 01:37:23,885 about it. Yeah. 2701 01:37:24,585 --> 01:37:25,244 You know, 2702 01:37:25,869 --> 01:37:27,630 some people are saying, oh, total blackout of 2703 01:37:27,630 --> 01:37:29,630 spending and, you know, others are saying, you 2704 01:37:29,630 --> 01:37:31,789 know, block out the corporations. Just the big 2705 01:37:31,789 --> 01:37:33,890 corporations. Right? So local shop small. 2706 01:37:34,350 --> 01:37:36,909 Please shop small this holiday season. Not just 2707 01:37:36,989 --> 01:37:38,350 I mean, you might not need a kink 2708 01:37:38,350 --> 01:37:40,350 toy. I get that, but if you have 2709 01:37:40,350 --> 01:37:41,125 the choice, 2710 01:37:41,505 --> 01:37:43,824 the small businesses were drowning over here. Y'all 2711 01:37:43,824 --> 01:37:44,645 were drowning. 2712 01:37:47,904 --> 01:37:50,145 So yeah. That's you know, it it it 2713 01:37:50,145 --> 01:37:52,385 depends who you see who's promoting it. So 2714 01:37:52,545 --> 01:37:54,810 Yeah. And I have not my algorithm has 2715 01:37:54,810 --> 01:37:56,090 not been feeding it to me a lot 2716 01:37:56,090 --> 01:37:58,409 lately, so I'm sure it's out there, but 2717 01:37:58,409 --> 01:38:00,250 we all literally have our own version of 2718 01:38:00,250 --> 01:38:02,889 the Internet depending on the app you use 2719 01:38:02,889 --> 01:38:05,469 and the algorithm you're on. Right. So 2720 01:38:06,090 --> 01:38:07,229 who knows? Who knows? 2721 01:38:10,795 --> 01:38:11,295 Anyhoo, 2722 01:38:12,954 --> 01:38:14,094 are we about done? 2723 01:38:14,635 --> 01:38:16,154 I mean, you know me. Once I get 2724 01:38:16,154 --> 01:38:17,614 started, I can keep going. 2725 01:38:18,314 --> 01:38:20,409 I don't know. I don't know. I was 2726 01:38:20,409 --> 01:38:22,090 hoping maybe the muscles are getting a little 2727 01:38:22,090 --> 01:38:24,430 tired tired. My cheeks are on fire. 2728 01:38:24,890 --> 01:38:26,909 They they are so hot, they hurt. 2729 01:38:27,369 --> 01:38:28,970 And I do have to use the restroom 2730 01:38:28,970 --> 01:38:31,369 because did I get the extra large diet 2731 01:38:31,369 --> 01:38:33,930 coke with lime from Wawa with my points? 2732 01:38:33,930 --> 01:38:36,395 Didn't pay a penny. Yes. I did. Yes. 2733 01:38:36,395 --> 01:38:37,914 I did. I need to jump in the 2734 01:38:37,914 --> 01:38:39,994 shower. But I did finish all of it 2735 01:38:39,994 --> 01:38:40,895 while sitting here. 2736 01:38:42,234 --> 01:38:43,835 Clean my neck up. As long as it's 2737 01:38:43,835 --> 01:38:46,074 just your neck. Just my neck. Mhmm. You 2738 01:38:46,074 --> 01:38:46,314 know 2739 01:38:47,220 --> 01:38:49,699 I know. We've had the conversation. That beard 2740 01:38:49,699 --> 01:38:51,220 lives there. You're allowed to trim it? I'll 2741 01:38:51,220 --> 01:38:52,739 trim it. One time he trimmed it too 2742 01:38:52,739 --> 01:38:53,800 short and I was like, 2743 01:38:56,500 --> 01:38:57,000 Red. 2744 01:38:57,860 --> 01:38:58,360 Red. 2745 01:39:00,225 --> 01:39:02,064 Andre asked, instead of candles, would you do 2746 01:39:02,064 --> 01:39:03,824 the wax in blocks? I wore mine in 2747 01:39:03,824 --> 01:39:05,505 jars in the crock pot. I have been 2748 01:39:05,505 --> 01:39:08,305 thinking about doing different ways of our wax 2749 01:39:08,305 --> 01:39:08,805 play, 2750 01:39:09,585 --> 01:39:10,085 wax. 2751 01:39:11,905 --> 01:39:14,260 The only thing that stopped me is that 2752 01:39:14,260 --> 01:39:16,100 I want to if we offer it, I 2753 01:39:16,100 --> 01:39:17,239 was hoping to 2754 01:39:17,699 --> 01:39:20,020 offer a way for people who do not 2755 01:39:20,020 --> 01:39:20,520 have 2756 01:39:20,899 --> 01:39:21,880 something already 2757 01:39:22,500 --> 01:39:24,039 to use. I was thinking, like, 2758 01:39:24,579 --> 01:39:26,574 off brand mini crock pots, if if I 2759 01:39:26,574 --> 01:39:28,895 could find those and, like, people could buy 2760 01:39:28,895 --> 01:39:30,095 that as a kit if they did not 2761 01:39:30,095 --> 01:39:32,494 already have it. Because I so here's why. 2762 01:39:32,494 --> 01:39:34,255 It wasn't a block I was thinking of. 2763 01:39:34,255 --> 01:39:35,854 I was looking at wax melts, and I 2764 01:39:35,854 --> 01:39:37,074 was also looking at 2765 01:39:37,694 --> 01:39:39,935 the fun shapes you can like the silicone 2766 01:39:39,935 --> 01:39:41,454 molds. I was like, what if I can 2767 01:39:41,454 --> 01:39:43,000 make cute little things and you pour those 2768 01:39:43,000 --> 01:39:44,119 cute little things in and 2769 01:39:44,840 --> 01:39:47,340 and I over I'm overthinking this, aren't you? 2770 01:39:48,680 --> 01:39:50,380 I'm overthinking it. Yeah. 2771 01:39:51,960 --> 01:39:52,699 Oh goodness. 2772 01:39:54,119 --> 01:39:54,520 But, 2773 01:39:55,239 --> 01:39:56,460 anyway. Yep. 2774 01:39:58,135 --> 01:40:00,314 So, yeah, we had our we had our, 2775 01:40:01,494 --> 01:40:04,055 apparently, we broke records with the cold weather 2776 01:40:04,055 --> 01:40:05,814 we've had here. Mhmm. But I think most 2777 01:40:05,814 --> 01:40:06,875 of the country has. 2778 01:40:07,175 --> 01:40:09,414 Yeah. I I think most of the country 2779 01:40:09,414 --> 01:40:10,935 was part of that arctic blast, or were 2780 01:40:10,935 --> 01:40:12,420 there some parts that were not? I don't 2781 01:40:12,420 --> 01:40:14,340 know. On and on. I just know I 2782 01:40:14,340 --> 01:40:15,539 was cold and I was so happy about 2783 01:40:15,539 --> 01:40:18,340 it. Mhmm. I've been a different woman. Pastor 2784 01:40:18,500 --> 01:40:19,780 I was I was actually gonna light a 2785 01:40:19,780 --> 01:40:21,380 fire in the backyard last night, but it 2786 01:40:21,380 --> 01:40:23,140 was way too windy for that. Yeah. I 2787 01:40:23,140 --> 01:40:23,640 know. 2788 01:40:24,340 --> 01:40:24,840 Maybe, 2789 01:40:26,100 --> 01:40:29,125 maybe tonight. Is it cold enough to warrant 2790 01:40:29,125 --> 01:40:29,625 that? 2791 01:40:31,364 --> 01:40:33,125 The way I feel about cold air is 2792 01:40:33,125 --> 01:40:35,385 the way JB feels about getting to legitimately 2793 01:40:35,444 --> 01:40:37,604 just light a fire just because not because 2794 01:40:37,604 --> 01:40:40,564 he's trying to burn wood, like, for the 2795 01:40:40,564 --> 01:40:41,864 burn barrel situation. 2796 01:40:43,340 --> 01:40:43,840 Anyway. 2797 01:40:44,699 --> 01:40:46,239 Nothing like sitting watching 2798 01:40:46,699 --> 01:40:47,680 a good fire. 2799 01:40:50,300 --> 01:40:50,800 Okay. 2800 01:40:53,020 --> 01:40:55,439 I support you in that endeavor. Thank you. 2801 01:40:57,979 --> 01:40:58,960 We should probably 2802 01:40:59,715 --> 01:41:01,015 go. Yeah. Yeah. 2803 01:41:01,555 --> 01:41:03,795 Because I have I have drunk this Diet 2804 01:41:03,795 --> 01:41:05,715 Coke, and now the Diet Coke is like, 2805 01:41:05,715 --> 01:41:08,454 hello? I'm ready to I'll race you. 2806 01:41:11,170 --> 01:41:14,229 I'm not above knocking an older 2807 01:41:14,689 --> 01:41:15,510 adult down 2808 01:41:16,210 --> 01:41:16,789 when necessary. 2809 01:41:18,130 --> 01:41:18,529 Anyway 2810 01:41:19,090 --> 01:41:20,949 Just remember there'd be re repercussions. 2811 01:41:21,489 --> 01:41:23,189 We're going now. Yep. 2812 01:41:23,809 --> 01:41:24,309 Okay. 2813 01:41:28,505 --> 01:41:30,505 Thanks for being here. Yep. Especially on the 2814 01:41:30,505 --> 01:41:31,564 bitter end. Mhmm. 2815 01:41:33,545 --> 01:41:35,864 That's all I got. Okay. Bye. Thanks, y'all. 2816 01:41:35,864 --> 01:41:36,364 Bye.