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You're listening to the Loving BDSM podcast episode

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four sixty one. Lords here with the one,

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the only,

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thank God you put up with my bullshit

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forever and always. Jump around still.

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I don't even know what to say to

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that. I I wanna point out I have

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not been throwing as much bullshit at you

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for over the past couple days as you

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will. That's true. That is true. Because I've

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been distracted. You have. Those distractions are now

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driving home tomorrow. So day after recording I'm

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not sure how I feel about that.

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So the bullshit is coming.

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Aren't you excited? You're so lucky.

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Aren't you so lucky? Look, for the record,

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you consent to this. You signed up for

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this.

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Good thing the weather is nice. I can

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spend more time in tiny shop.

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You know, I'm so glad the weather is

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nice too because I would be willing to

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follow you out there and stand in the

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tiny shop for you.

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But it's too tiny.

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Anyway,

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so we're I mean, that's always what we're

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talking about to some degree, but actually this

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week, we're gonna respond to some post, from

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the kinky side of Reddit because,

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you know, I don't I don't think my

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blood pressure needs to go up, but I

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do think

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what I do when my blood pressure goes

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up is probably needed. I need a bit

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of a palate cleanser

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and clear things out.

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That's that's this is my story, and I'm

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sticking to it.

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Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this

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is your first time listening, glad to have

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you. If you're back for another week, welcome

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back. Loving BDSM is produced sometimes on Mondays

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and every Friday for your kinky pleasure in

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education, and show notes are found at lovingbdsm.net.

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Come back often and feel free to add

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the podcast to your favorite podcast app. You

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can also follow the show on FetLife at

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loving BDSM PC. That PC stands for podcast.

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On Instagram and technically threads at that handle,

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I will forever motherfucking hate,

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at loving d s and the number one.

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So it's at loving d s one. Or

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on YouTube at youtube.com/lovingbdsm,

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where you can watch us live stream the

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podcast every Wednesday. All links are in the

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show notes.

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Okay. So before we get into the Reddit

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posts,

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quick

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reminder, our

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holiday

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tier on Patreon is still open. You can

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join for it's $20. It's a one time

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$20. You don't have to stay in that

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tier. It will not exist after the holiday

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season is over. But if you join or

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if you're a current member, if you, like,

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switch or whatever whatever,

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not only will you receive a kinky a

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very kink themed kinky holiday

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card in the mail that will not be

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kinky on the envelope, nobody will know unless

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they open your mail,

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with some goodies inside. You will also receive,

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an invitation link to our first ever we've

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never done this before so you know it's

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going to be chaotic

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holiday party over Zoom on December 20 at

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2PM Eastern. I'm so proud of me for

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just having that memorized at this point.

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The link is in the places. If you

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choose to stay after the holiday

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du lolly is over, we've got other tiers.

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You get access while you're in the holiday

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tier if you come in as a a

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new person. You get access to basically everything.

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Everything. You get access to our Discord. You

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get access to all the perks all the

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other tiers get. Like, it's a good it's

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a good time to, come in and check

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out the full breadth of everything we offer,

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through Patreon and get to come to our

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holiday party if you so choose.

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Link in the place is for that.

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And that this week is my only

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damn announcement. Announcement only. Wow. I kinda kept

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it simple because I kinda fucking needed to.

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I will

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whine about that in the bonus section. Okay.

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Let's get into this. This first one was

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sent to you by Silent Wing. Thank you,

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Silent. And also it has introduced me to

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a subreddit I did not know existed.

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And it's the subreddit is softer

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BDSM,

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which means there will just like we did

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the hard top soft top

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episode, there's probably gonna we're gonna have to

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have a conversation in the future about soft

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BDSM and hard BDSM because y'all know I

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had thoughts

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the moment I saw this.

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This is pretty,

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pretty straightforward.

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It says, what do you say to the

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people who say soft kink and BDSM is

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just quote vanilla with sprinkles? I know many

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of us have experienced

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experienced that and I started calling,

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it soft shaming. You know, the people that

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think that what we do isn't kinky. What

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do you say to those people?

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Is there a conversation to be had about

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the idea of soft kink?

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I went to the subreddit's explanation. If if

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for anybody who's like what the fuck does

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soft kink even mean? The way they defined

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it on their subreddit was it is the

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side of kink that is more caregiving, nurturing,

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without

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pain,

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humiliation.

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It is the everything is meant to be

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very pleasurable

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without Okay. Right. Now

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I do

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I mean, I I do have thoughts

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because

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I think when we do things like soft

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kink, hard kink, soft dom, hard dom, we

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put people in boxes that don't allow them

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to, like anyway, that's not what the question's

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about, but that's that's where my mind goes

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when we talk about this. Mhmm. So soft

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kink is just vanilla with sprinkles. What the

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fuck does that even mean? Yeah.

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What the fuck?

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You know,

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it it's like it's like anything else. And

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I mean, in this lifestyle,

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it is a wide spectrum.

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Yes.

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Okay? Absolutely.

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So, you know,

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all that's doing is giving a name

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to something on one end of the spectrum.

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Yes.

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Which I respect that. I get that. Yeah.

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I mean, you know, as a personal human,

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I would not use it, but I get

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it. I get what we're doing. Some people

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need and want names for things.

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And, you know, that's that's really all that

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is. You know, the

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call it soft kink, soft BDSM, that should

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tell you something right there. I mean, the

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fact that kink is in the game, then

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it is not vanilla with sprinkles. Fuck you

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and that bullshit.

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Vanilla with sprinkles does two things. One, I

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think it,

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diminishes what BDSM and kink can be. But

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at the same time, it kind of diminishes

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what vanilla

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is. I'm sorry. Vanilla with sprinkles and you

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call your partner daddy and and your daddy

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gives you 10 rules and a bedtime, I

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know a lot of non kinksters who'd be

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like, you can miss me with that shit.

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Right?

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So they would not consider that sprinkles on

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top of their non kink life. Like, that's

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the moment you enter into anything that can

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be classified under the mass of fucking umbrella

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that is BDSM,

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it is by definition no longer vanilla. Yeah.

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It's not kinky if it is kinky. I

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think

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You know, what you what you just,

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explained about how this, you know, may not

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have,

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a lot of the humiliation and a lot

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of the the, you know, the masochism, sadism

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element. The softer gentler side of that, essentially.

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Shit.

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I hate it when that happens. Shit. And

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it was good too. I

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bet

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it was. Shit. It'll come back to you.

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If you if you'd give me a couple

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more, like, keywords, maybe I can Oh. There

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we go.

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You know, having that said, what is the

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element of, power exchange

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within this? What do you mean? At that

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point. Well, you know, if you don't have,

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say it isn't asking, you don't have, you

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know, anything like that,

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what how what would be the element of

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power exchange? So you mean like the type?

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Yeah. I mean,

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you know Is that a facetious question or

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rhetorical question? No. No. Want an answer. It's

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I don't know.

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I don't know. I don't know. It's just

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more of a

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But I mean, you know, it for it

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to

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be kink, there's gotta be some element of

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something in there. Control and somebody has given

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up control. Yes. A 100%. I guess that's

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what I'm trying to get at. Well, it

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it sounds to me like what you're saying

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is

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it it is power exchange regardless of the

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the flavor, the level, the how soft or

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hard your pillow is. Much.

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You know, vanilla was and, you know, peep

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when they say people who say it, do

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they mean other kinksters who somehow, air quote,

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look down

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on a gentler side of kink that doesn't

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maybe is not quite as these are subjective

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terms, but not quite as strict, not quite

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as intense, not you know what I mean?

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That's not cool but that's unfortunately human nature.

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Is it I can't imagine it's outsiders because

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most non kinksters who've never flirted with kink

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in their life will look at what any

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of us do across any part of the

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kink spectrum

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and think,

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woah. That's too much. Like, that's gotta come

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from kinksters.

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Right?

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If not ew, then, oh my god. What

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are those people doing? Right? And it doesn't

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and that's the thing, this whole this idea

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of, you know,

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our air quote, whatever this is, our side

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of BDSM, whatever part of the spectrum around,

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is somehow better than somebody else's part of

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the spectrum or BDSM. It's all bullshit because

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quite frankly, the rest of the world that's

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not kinky don't give a fuck whether you're

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soft or hard or moderately comfortable. And that's

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and that's it. And that's all kink. And

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that's the other side to this is,

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it doesn't fucking matter what other people think

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as long as what you're doing

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and is what you want to do, you're

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having fun doing it. It's something you enjoy.

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Satisfying and you're not hurting Whatever. And you're

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not hurting anybody. Right. Uh-uh. Yeah. I mean

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Unless it's consensual. Unless it's consensual, of course.

267
00:09:47,649 --> 00:09:48,790
But, you know,

268
00:09:49,115 --> 00:09:51,434
pretty much that's it. Mhmm. You know? Do

269
00:09:51,434 --> 00:09:54,394
it do be you. Right. Exactly. Be you.

270
00:09:54,394 --> 00:09:56,254
That I think and this is not

271
00:09:56,554 --> 00:09:58,794
a full on I've not thought about this.

272
00:09:58,794 --> 00:10:00,315
I've not read up on this. These are

273
00:10:00,315 --> 00:10:02,334
just, like, where my mind goes

274
00:10:02,830 --> 00:10:05,070
immediately. It's part of why I don't even

275
00:10:05,070 --> 00:10:08,129
like the soft versus the hard because there

276
00:10:08,269 --> 00:10:10,190
it does a few things. One, it it

277
00:10:10,190 --> 00:10:10,929
means that

278
00:10:12,110 --> 00:10:13,549
there will be people on the the air

279
00:10:13,549 --> 00:10:15,649
quote hard side who then

280
00:10:15,950 --> 00:10:18,285
diminish or look down upon the soft side.

281
00:10:19,065 --> 00:10:21,165
There will be people on the soft side

282
00:10:21,544 --> 00:10:23,544
who and this is true always, so I

283
00:10:23,544 --> 00:10:25,304
know this is not maybe a reason to

284
00:10:25,304 --> 00:10:27,065
dislike terms but this is me and this

285
00:10:27,065 --> 00:10:28,985
is how I feel. You know? Then you've

286
00:10:28,985 --> 00:10:31,004
got the oh those scary kink people,

287
00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:32,920
Let me just stay over here where it's

288
00:10:32,920 --> 00:10:34,860
safe and it's nice. And I would imagine

289
00:10:35,160 --> 00:10:36,700
anybody who has that attitude,

290
00:10:37,080 --> 00:10:39,000
yeah, you're probably gonna get called vanilla with

291
00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:41,559
sprinkles because if you if you are within

292
00:10:41,559 --> 00:10:43,639
the kink world and you were fucking doing

293
00:10:43,639 --> 00:10:45,100
kink, I don't care.

294
00:10:46,154 --> 00:10:49,455
Soft mattress, firm mattress, I don't fucking care.

295
00:10:49,834 --> 00:10:52,634
You decide that person's kink over there is

296
00:10:52,634 --> 00:10:54,554
somehow wrong. You are just as bad as

297
00:10:54,554 --> 00:10:56,315
anybody else. It's a form of kink shaming.

298
00:10:56,315 --> 00:10:58,394
So Mhmm. Folks who are not into the

299
00:10:58,394 --> 00:11:00,870
air quote softer side, kink shaming by calling

300
00:11:00,870 --> 00:11:03,190
it vanilla with sprinkles, that's some bullshit. Stop

301
00:11:03,190 --> 00:11:05,269
that. But if you were on the air

302
00:11:05,269 --> 00:11:07,669
quote softer side and you're like, oh, those

303
00:11:07,669 --> 00:11:09,910
scary dark kinky people who do the mean

304
00:11:09,910 --> 00:11:11,669
thing, like, come on. Like, we're all just,

305
00:11:11,669 --> 00:11:14,549
like, living our best deviant fucking life with

306
00:11:14,549 --> 00:11:17,534
an entire world who would a 100% happily

307
00:11:17,534 --> 00:11:20,735
look down upon all of us regardless of

308
00:11:20,735 --> 00:11:23,214
where we're at. What what part of the

309
00:11:23,214 --> 00:11:25,154
kink world we're fucking in.

310
00:11:25,615 --> 00:11:26,115
So,

311
00:11:27,054 --> 00:11:28,334
what do I say to people who say,

312
00:11:28,334 --> 00:11:30,095
you know, vanilla sprinkles? Fuck you, is what

313
00:11:30,095 --> 00:11:30,834
I would say.

314
00:11:31,134 --> 00:11:33,670
Like, what what who cares? What what does

315
00:11:33,670 --> 00:11:36,649
that even mean? What Yeah. What? What? What?

316
00:11:37,590 --> 00:11:39,190
That's what I would say. Do you have

317
00:11:39,190 --> 00:11:40,410
anything? No.

318
00:11:41,830 --> 00:11:42,330
Okay.

319
00:11:43,750 --> 00:11:45,990
Oh, gosh. Okay. Let's go to the next

320
00:11:45,990 --> 00:11:47,050
one. K.

321
00:11:47,934 --> 00:11:49,134
Some of these are long, and this is

322
00:11:49,134 --> 00:11:50,254
one of them. And I gotta do that

323
00:11:50,254 --> 00:11:51,695
old lady thing to get to the screen.

324
00:11:51,695 --> 00:11:52,674
So here we go.

325
00:11:53,534 --> 00:11:56,575
I am the, quote, third woman and got

326
00:11:56,575 --> 00:11:59,154
dumped when the couple closed their open relationship.

327
00:11:59,580 --> 00:12:02,540
How do I recover when the, the DS

328
00:12:02,540 --> 00:12:04,160
relationship ended this ugly?

329
00:12:04,779 --> 00:12:06,320
I had a sexual relationship

330
00:12:06,779 --> 00:12:09,179
deep DS dynamic with a man x who

331
00:12:09,179 --> 00:12:10,559
is in an open relationship.

332
00:12:11,019 --> 00:12:12,985
We met weekly for over three years and

333
00:12:12,985 --> 00:12:15,065
did everything that could be imagined in dreamy

334
00:12:15,065 --> 00:12:15,964
DS relationship.

335
00:12:16,664 --> 00:12:18,904
I am also in a very established open

336
00:12:18,904 --> 00:12:21,065
relationship with my partner. My husband and I

337
00:12:21,065 --> 00:12:23,065
live together and my husband knew everything about

338
00:12:23,065 --> 00:12:25,945
my relationship with Man X. Man X is

339
00:12:25,945 --> 00:12:27,940
in an open relationship with his wife and

340
00:12:27,940 --> 00:12:28,519
they live

341
00:12:28,980 --> 00:12:31,879
together. I received a message from Man X's

342
00:12:31,940 --> 00:12:34,340
wife that he has cheated on her with

343
00:12:34,340 --> 00:12:36,899
me. I'm in shock because Man X has

344
00:12:36,899 --> 00:12:38,580
assured me that his wife is up to

345
00:12:38,580 --> 00:12:40,695
date on the quality of our DS relationship

346
00:12:40,754 --> 00:12:42,434
and they have been discussing it at home

347
00:12:42,434 --> 00:12:44,034
just like I have been discussing it with

348
00:12:44,034 --> 00:12:46,274
my own husband and updating them as the

349
00:12:46,274 --> 00:12:48,754
relationship deepened and feelings and love arose for

350
00:12:48,754 --> 00:12:51,154
both me and Man X. I was happier

351
00:12:51,154 --> 00:12:53,394
than ever to trust their strong relationship and

352
00:12:53,394 --> 00:12:55,334
enjoying the ride with Man X.

353
00:12:55,779 --> 00:12:57,700
So I've been lied to and made into

354
00:12:57,700 --> 00:12:59,860
a cheater without me knowing. I feel sick

355
00:12:59,860 --> 00:13:02,259
and used. In their open relationship between Man

356
00:13:02,259 --> 00:13:03,940
X and his wife, there has been a

357
00:13:03,940 --> 00:13:06,039
rule that everything, sex, etcetera,

358
00:13:06,419 --> 00:13:08,019
must be discussed before it can be done

359
00:13:08,019 --> 00:13:08,504
with others.

360
00:13:09,065 --> 00:13:11,465
Man X has not discussed and asked permission

361
00:13:11,465 --> 00:13:13,705
but lied to his wife. Everything in our

362
00:13:13,705 --> 00:13:15,705
DS relationship has been based on trust and

363
00:13:15,705 --> 00:13:16,205
openness,

364
00:13:16,664 --> 00:13:18,445
at least from, you know,

365
00:13:18,985 --> 00:13:21,004
my perspective. That's what I thought.

366
00:13:21,620 --> 00:13:23,539
So I am asking, has anyone been in

367
00:13:23,539 --> 00:13:25,159
a similar situation and survived?

368
00:13:25,539 --> 00:13:27,539
I recognize that it is difficult that all

369
00:13:27,539 --> 00:13:30,179
contact with me stopped immediately because they closed

370
00:13:30,179 --> 00:13:32,899
their relationship aiming to save it. I understand

371
00:13:32,899 --> 00:13:34,839
and accept it. I'm ready to do anything.

372
00:13:36,904 --> 00:13:39,065
Oh goodness. I'm ready to the wife that

373
00:13:39,065 --> 00:13:39,565
gets

374
00:13:41,065 --> 00:13:43,225
so the wife gets a better situation, she

375
00:13:43,225 --> 00:13:45,945
is obviously crushed. There were words missing there.

376
00:13:45,945 --> 00:13:47,784
Sorry. Yeah. But I can't say that it

377
00:13:47,784 --> 00:13:49,865
wouldn't feel absolutely horrible when the person who

378
00:13:49,865 --> 00:13:50,845
has been my partner

379
00:13:51,459 --> 00:13:53,539
friend suddenly left my life without even, you

380
00:13:53,539 --> 00:13:54,759
know, one conversation.

381
00:13:55,299 --> 00:13:56,980
So now I'm left alone to deal with

382
00:13:56,980 --> 00:13:59,379
everything. I'm not able to receive explanations or

383
00:13:59,379 --> 00:14:01,240
answers to my questions of the situation.

384
00:14:01,620 --> 00:14:03,720
I have also been lied to and obviously

385
00:14:03,779 --> 00:14:05,940
Man X broke my boundaries by lying about

386
00:14:05,940 --> 00:14:06,600
the situation.

387
00:14:07,054 --> 00:14:08,815
I'm really broken and I feel guilty and

388
00:14:08,815 --> 00:14:11,534
sympathetic towards Man X's wife so I don't

389
00:14:11,534 --> 00:14:13,855
dare face my own sadness and bad feelings

390
00:14:13,855 --> 00:14:16,095
about losing Man X because it doesn't feel

391
00:14:16,095 --> 00:14:19,214
right. My sadness and sorrow feels kind of

392
00:14:19,214 --> 00:14:20,674
feels greedy and twisted

393
00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:23,639
when compared to what she's going through. Even

394
00:14:23,639 --> 00:14:25,559
though Man X swore he loved me and

395
00:14:25,559 --> 00:14:27,080
promised to be in my life for years,

396
00:14:27,080 --> 00:14:28,919
in reality I feel like that was just

397
00:14:28,919 --> 00:14:31,160
a lie, a worthless sub, and an easy

398
00:14:31,160 --> 00:14:32,620
target to exploit and manipulate.

399
00:14:33,080 --> 00:14:34,919
I find it very difficult that after years

400
00:14:34,919 --> 00:14:36,975
of serving and submitting to Man X, how

401
00:14:36,975 --> 00:14:38,735
can I now break our deep connection and

402
00:14:38,735 --> 00:14:40,975
d s dynamic alone? How can I stop

403
00:14:40,975 --> 00:14:42,894
being his sub? Am I allowed to miss

404
00:14:42,894 --> 00:14:44,575
him in our dynamic still? How can I

405
00:14:44,575 --> 00:14:46,815
do the healing alone? If anyone has any

406
00:14:46,815 --> 00:14:48,334
tips, I will be grateful for those. Let

407
00:14:48,334 --> 00:14:50,334
me back real quick while it's fresh on

408
00:14:50,334 --> 00:14:51,149
my mind. Yeah.

409
00:14:51,550 --> 00:14:54,269
Ninety nine point nine percent of breakups, you're

410
00:14:54,269 --> 00:14:56,350
gonna do the healing alone. It don't matter

411
00:14:56,350 --> 00:14:58,509
how the breakup occurred. That's part of the

412
00:14:58,509 --> 00:15:00,350
breakup. If they were there to help with

413
00:15:00,350 --> 00:15:02,269
the healing, you wouldn't have been broken up.

414
00:15:02,269 --> 00:15:03,664
True. True. So I just wanted to say

415
00:15:03,664 --> 00:15:05,144
that. Go ahead. Yeah. Where where what are

416
00:15:05,144 --> 00:15:07,644
your thoughts? Because this one's a fucking doozy.

417
00:15:07,704 --> 00:15:08,584
Yeah. It is.

418
00:15:09,144 --> 00:15:10,204
Wow. Three years.

419
00:15:10,664 --> 00:15:11,164
That

420
00:15:11,944 --> 00:15:14,504
kind of And apparently lying to everybody the

421
00:15:14,504 --> 00:15:15,804
whole time. Yep.

422
00:15:16,669 --> 00:15:19,329
You know, I I totally understand,

423
00:15:22,269 --> 00:15:24,429
being in the feels with this. Oh, sure.

424
00:15:24,429 --> 00:15:26,269
Of course. Okay. Of course. But,

425
00:15:29,149 --> 00:15:30,370
you didn't lose much.

426
00:15:31,365 --> 00:15:33,125
No. You you lost what you thought was

427
00:15:33,125 --> 00:15:34,884
a deep connection, and that person's been lying

428
00:15:34,884 --> 00:15:37,125
to all of their partners Right. The whole

429
00:15:37,125 --> 00:15:38,024
time. Mhmm.

430
00:15:38,404 --> 00:15:38,904
Yeah.

431
00:15:39,365 --> 00:15:39,845
That's,

432
00:15:42,245 --> 00:15:44,004
yeah. That's a hot mess. I mean, there's

433
00:15:44,004 --> 00:15:46,860
layers here because I personally again,

434
00:15:47,339 --> 00:15:48,559
there's what is like

435
00:15:49,259 --> 00:15:51,980
big picture probably, you know, best practices versus

436
00:15:51,980 --> 00:15:52,799
personal preference.

437
00:15:53,419 --> 00:15:56,299
I am deeply uncomfortable that the relationship that

438
00:15:56,299 --> 00:15:58,639
they had for their open relationship is that

439
00:15:58,700 --> 00:16:01,339
everything done with another partner had to be

440
00:16:01,339 --> 00:16:02,399
approved by

441
00:16:03,464 --> 00:16:06,664
the existing partner. I'm not personally very comfortable

442
00:16:06,664 --> 00:16:09,225
with that thought because that means this person

443
00:16:09,225 --> 00:16:11,804
who is not part of the the dynamic

444
00:16:11,865 --> 00:16:13,964
between these two has a say over

445
00:16:14,264 --> 00:16:17,360
the dynamic between these two. So that does

446
00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:19,700
not excuse lying, that does not excuse,

447
00:16:20,879 --> 00:16:23,220
being dishonest to both of your partners

448
00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:25,460
until something like this happens.

449
00:16:26,399 --> 00:16:28,580
But that may that makes me very uncomfortable

450
00:16:28,639 --> 00:16:30,495
because who am I to say what you,

451
00:16:30,495 --> 00:16:32,415
JB, can do with another partner whom I

452
00:16:32,415 --> 00:16:34,014
have nothing to do with and that relationship

453
00:16:34,014 --> 00:16:35,235
is not about me?

454
00:16:37,455 --> 00:16:39,615
So my initial thought on that because it

455
00:16:39,615 --> 00:16:42,120
makes again, everybody can see things differently and

456
00:16:42,120 --> 00:16:43,740
fine. These are my personal opinions

457
00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:46,440
because that makes me feel uncomfortable. I'm already

458
00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:48,360
a little uncomfortable about what was going on

459
00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:50,759
over there anyway. Mhmm. That does not excuse

460
00:16:50,759 --> 00:16:53,159
him lying. That does not excuse Yeah. You

461
00:16:53,159 --> 00:16:54,220
know, not

462
00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:56,965
if he agreed to follow those fucking rules,

463
00:16:56,965 --> 00:16:58,485
then he should have fucking abided by them

464
00:16:58,485 --> 00:17:00,024
unless he, you know, renegotiated.

465
00:17:01,764 --> 00:17:04,244
I'm I would be curious to know how

466
00:17:04,244 --> 00:17:07,384
the wife approached this partner. Mhmm. Was it

467
00:17:07,445 --> 00:17:07,945
accusatory,

468
00:17:08,325 --> 00:17:10,244
which it is not this partner's fault, if

469
00:17:10,244 --> 00:17:11,144
they were basing

470
00:17:11,609 --> 00:17:13,690
their what they did on what their partner

471
00:17:13,690 --> 00:17:15,849
told them Right. What the this dude told

472
00:17:15,849 --> 00:17:16,349
them.

473
00:17:16,970 --> 00:17:18,569
Or was it, hey. You need to know

474
00:17:18,569 --> 00:17:19,069
this?

475
00:17:19,849 --> 00:17:21,069
I don't know. Yeah.

476
00:17:21,930 --> 00:17:22,910
I can understand

477
00:17:23,289 --> 00:17:23,789
from

478
00:17:24,410 --> 00:17:24,650
a

479
00:17:25,294 --> 00:17:27,054
you are my spouse who, you know, we

480
00:17:27,054 --> 00:17:29,375
did this thing open thing, but you lied

481
00:17:29,375 --> 00:17:32,034
for three years. I can understand not

482
00:17:32,335 --> 00:17:32,835
being

483
00:17:34,015 --> 00:17:34,515
comfortable

484
00:17:34,974 --> 00:17:36,914
with there being ongoing communication

485
00:17:37,920 --> 00:17:40,100
with that partner, but it is not

486
00:17:41,119 --> 00:17:42,559
we have to assume what we read here

487
00:17:42,559 --> 00:17:44,900
is fairly accurate. It is not this sub's

488
00:17:45,200 --> 00:17:47,360
fault. Right. And And they have now been

489
00:17:47,360 --> 00:17:48,420
left hanging

490
00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:50,420
with nothing. Now

491
00:17:50,720 --> 00:17:51,220
no

492
00:17:54,055 --> 00:17:56,055
hey, I fucked up. No. Hey, I meant

493
00:17:56,055 --> 00:17:57,494
this, but, you know, I've gotta go do

494
00:17:57,494 --> 00:17:59,815
this. It sounds like it's been just everything

495
00:17:59,815 --> 00:18:01,494
shut down. And and that that's what I've

496
00:18:01,494 --> 00:18:03,755
been thinking too, you know. I I hope

497
00:18:03,815 --> 00:18:06,309
this person does not internalize it. They are.

498
00:18:06,309 --> 00:18:08,710
Clearly from this their questions they have. They

499
00:18:08,710 --> 00:18:10,710
are saying to themselves and out loud to

500
00:18:10,710 --> 00:18:12,869
us that they don't think they are allowed

501
00:18:12,869 --> 00:18:15,190
to face their own grief because the other

502
00:18:15,190 --> 00:18:17,670
partner was also hurt. No. You're allowed to

503
00:18:17,670 --> 00:18:19,605
grieve and be pissed off because he hurt

504
00:18:19,605 --> 00:18:21,445
both of you. Exactly. Because he lied to

505
00:18:21,445 --> 00:18:23,285
both of you. It it it is not

506
00:18:23,285 --> 00:18:26,085
your fault. Mhmm. Okay? It is not your

507
00:18:26,085 --> 00:18:28,505
fault. You were lied to just as much

508
00:18:28,644 --> 00:18:30,644
as the wife was lied to. I know.

509
00:18:30,644 --> 00:18:31,845
And there's a part of me that would

510
00:18:31,845 --> 00:18:34,230
like to have that, like, movie moment of

511
00:18:34,230 --> 00:18:36,630
where actually these instead of fighting with each

512
00:18:36,630 --> 00:18:39,210
other, these two people, like, collaborate

513
00:18:39,669 --> 00:18:41,509
to take that motherfucker down. You know, I

514
00:18:41,509 --> 00:18:42,169
don't know.

515
00:18:42,869 --> 00:18:43,369
But,

516
00:18:44,069 --> 00:18:46,069
you know, I've Rut roast. I just feel

517
00:18:46,069 --> 00:18:47,654
like if there was that much

518
00:18:48,215 --> 00:18:48,715
control

519
00:18:49,654 --> 00:18:51,355
in an open relationship

520
00:18:51,894 --> 00:18:55,015
that a partner not involved with this other

521
00:18:55,015 --> 00:18:57,515
relationship had any say, then

522
00:18:57,815 --> 00:19:01,355
I can't ima and now the immediate response

523
00:19:01,414 --> 00:19:02,190
is to shut

524
00:19:03,149 --> 00:19:04,849
everything down to try to fix

525
00:19:05,230 --> 00:19:05,789
their relationship. I'm not sure how you fix

526
00:19:05,789 --> 00:19:07,329
lying to your spouse

527
00:19:07,950 --> 00:19:09,569
for three fucking years.

528
00:19:10,029 --> 00:19:11,869
Not sure how you fix that. But I

529
00:19:11,869 --> 00:19:14,190
also wonder what other issues are there because

530
00:19:14,190 --> 00:19:15,089
this is never,

531
00:19:16,154 --> 00:19:18,394
the the only thing happening. There's all kinds

532
00:19:18,394 --> 00:19:20,634
of other things happening. Was he under that

533
00:19:20,634 --> 00:19:22,735
rule because he had done this shit before?

534
00:19:23,835 --> 00:19:26,075
Was he under that rule and agreed to

535
00:19:26,075 --> 00:19:27,695
it knowing he was gonna

536
00:19:28,289 --> 00:19:31,410
disregard it? You know? Are there was this

537
00:19:31,410 --> 00:19:34,630
never really, like, a a healthy, open relationship

538
00:19:34,690 --> 00:19:35,910
to begin with, and now

539
00:19:36,210 --> 00:19:37,269
this poor person

540
00:19:37,970 --> 00:19:40,289
who, you know, is feels like the the

541
00:19:40,289 --> 00:19:41,110
other woman

542
00:19:41,730 --> 00:19:43,855
is caught in the crossfires because two people

543
00:19:43,855 --> 00:19:45,615
who hadn't dealt with their shit decided to

544
00:19:45,615 --> 00:19:47,134
try to make this the way they dealt

545
00:19:47,134 --> 00:19:49,294
with their shit. Yeah. I Who knows? Because,

546
00:19:49,294 --> 00:19:50,815
you know, the part in there where he

547
00:19:50,815 --> 00:19:51,315
goes,

548
00:19:52,095 --> 00:19:54,174
they were made into a cheater. No. You

549
00:19:54,174 --> 00:19:56,015
weren't You didn't do shit. You didn't do

550
00:19:56,015 --> 00:19:58,720
shit. He was a cheater. Right. That's and

551
00:19:58,720 --> 00:20:00,399
I want this person to get angry about

552
00:20:00,399 --> 00:20:02,399
that. Yeah. It can take some people don't,

553
00:20:02,399 --> 00:20:04,399
and I wish more people did, but sometimes

554
00:20:04,399 --> 00:20:05,599
it just takes a while. You gotta go

555
00:20:05,599 --> 00:20:07,599
through the heartbreak and the grief and the

556
00:20:07,599 --> 00:20:09,299
shock of all of it ending

557
00:20:09,839 --> 00:20:11,440
out of nowhere and all of this stuff,

558
00:20:11,440 --> 00:20:11,835
like,

559
00:20:12,394 --> 00:20:13,855
learning all of these details,

560
00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:16,154
and dealing with the aftermath. But what I

561
00:20:16,154 --> 00:20:18,315
hope is this person gets pissed off. Mhmm.

562
00:20:18,315 --> 00:20:19,755
That's what I hope is. What they need

563
00:20:19,755 --> 00:20:20,335
to do.

564
00:20:20,875 --> 00:20:23,355
Mhmm. Yeah. Because right now, they feel like

565
00:20:23,355 --> 00:20:25,054
they have done something wrong, which

566
00:20:25,434 --> 00:20:27,809
makes me curious again what was said

567
00:20:28,750 --> 00:20:31,410
by their dom's wife when they were notified

568
00:20:31,470 --> 00:20:32,369
of what was happening.

569
00:20:34,590 --> 00:20:36,130
You know, I I get

570
00:20:36,910 --> 00:20:38,609
that it is a common

571
00:20:39,015 --> 00:20:41,654
reaction when you find out a partner has

572
00:20:41,654 --> 00:20:43,734
cheated and lied or whatever with another human

573
00:20:43,734 --> 00:20:45,115
to blame that other human

574
00:20:45,894 --> 00:20:48,855
and maybe sometimes, sure, there's something to that

575
00:20:48,855 --> 00:20:51,974
but often, too often, everybody was lied to

576
00:20:51,974 --> 00:20:53,869
and the only person who you need to

577
00:20:53,869 --> 00:20:55,149
be mad at is the one who was

578
00:20:55,149 --> 00:20:56,210
lying to everybody.

579
00:20:57,950 --> 00:20:58,450
And,

580
00:20:58,909 --> 00:21:00,450
you know, the thing

581
00:21:01,390 --> 00:21:04,190
is, in whatever way this breakup occurred, and

582
00:21:04,190 --> 00:21:06,029
this is this is wild and there's a

583
00:21:06,029 --> 00:21:06,769
lot here,

584
00:21:07,309 --> 00:21:07,809
it

585
00:21:08,384 --> 00:21:10,884
I haven't come across folks yet who

586
00:21:11,345 --> 00:21:13,265
who cared about their relationship and the fact

587
00:21:13,265 --> 00:21:14,865
they were in this power exchange who don't

588
00:21:14,865 --> 00:21:17,105
feel some level of heartbreak. That's across genders,

589
00:21:17,105 --> 00:21:19,664
that's across roles, doms, subs, switches that don't

590
00:21:19,664 --> 00:21:21,960
fucking matter. If you are invested in this

591
00:21:22,119 --> 00:21:25,159
relationship and the way we connect in power

592
00:21:25,159 --> 00:21:27,559
exchange in ways that you don't typically connect

593
00:21:27,559 --> 00:21:29,019
in non kinky relationships,

594
00:21:29,720 --> 00:21:32,039
it is devastating, and that is a a

595
00:21:32,039 --> 00:21:34,279
commonality amongst most of us, if not all

596
00:21:34,279 --> 00:21:37,365
of us. And it's a grieving process, and

597
00:21:37,365 --> 00:21:39,684
you you kinda just have to get through

598
00:21:39,684 --> 00:21:41,464
it as best as you can.

599
00:21:41,765 --> 00:21:43,845
Mhmm. I worry for this person because they

600
00:21:43,845 --> 00:21:45,924
are holding on to guilt that is not

601
00:21:45,924 --> 00:21:47,544
theirs to have. Right.

602
00:21:47,910 --> 00:21:50,309
They took this person at face value. They

603
00:21:50,309 --> 00:21:52,250
believed they were being told the truth.

604
00:21:52,549 --> 00:21:55,210
If there was no mechanism by which and

605
00:21:55,350 --> 00:21:57,509
we never have it in our life. I

606
00:21:57,509 --> 00:21:59,830
don't need to meet his partners because I'm

607
00:21:59,830 --> 00:22:02,150
not fucking overseeing it anyway. It's not my

608
00:22:02,150 --> 00:22:03,130
fucking relationship.

609
00:22:03,494 --> 00:22:05,095
So I don't tend to mix and mingle,

610
00:22:05,095 --> 00:22:06,315
but some people do.

611
00:22:07,015 --> 00:22:09,174
Maybe this is a situation where it would

612
00:22:09,174 --> 00:22:10,775
have been better if there had been mixing

613
00:22:10,775 --> 00:22:12,934
and mingling because then more things come out

614
00:22:12,934 --> 00:22:14,315
into the open. I also

615
00:22:14,855 --> 00:22:15,595
do not,

616
00:22:18,429 --> 00:22:20,269
fault anyone for not doing that. I don't

617
00:22:20,269 --> 00:22:21,409
do it. But

618
00:22:21,710 --> 00:22:23,710
that that's the thing. This person could only

619
00:22:23,710 --> 00:22:26,190
go by what their partner was telling them

620
00:22:26,190 --> 00:22:28,109
and the trust over three years. Like, if

621
00:22:28,109 --> 00:22:29,630
we're talking three months, I'd be like, oh,

622
00:22:29,630 --> 00:22:31,549
baby, you've been lied to. Like, there's there's

623
00:22:31,549 --> 00:22:33,875
probably a red flag there. But weekly

624
00:22:34,255 --> 00:22:37,535
for three years, that's a long fucking time.

625
00:22:37,535 --> 00:22:39,795
Yeah. It is. That's a long fucking time.

626
00:22:40,095 --> 00:22:42,174
The one thing I would probably recommend in

627
00:22:42,174 --> 00:22:44,434
this situation to this specific person,

628
00:22:44,974 --> 00:22:47,474
assuming your husband is, you know,

629
00:22:48,309 --> 00:22:50,150
open and willing to, I would lean on

630
00:22:50,150 --> 00:22:52,070
them. I'd, you know, I'd be like, you

631
00:22:52,070 --> 00:22:53,750
can't fix this for me, but can I,

632
00:22:53,750 --> 00:22:55,109
like, come cry to you for a minute?

633
00:22:55,109 --> 00:22:56,309
Can I just come sit with you and

634
00:22:56,309 --> 00:22:59,210
be sad? Lean on your shoulder. Right. Exactly.

635
00:23:01,424 --> 00:23:03,585
But the the getting the getting through it

636
00:23:03,585 --> 00:23:05,025
and the dealing with the feelings, that's just

637
00:23:05,025 --> 00:23:06,945
a time thing. And the longer you were

638
00:23:06,945 --> 00:23:07,445
together

639
00:23:07,745 --> 00:23:08,965
and also the

640
00:23:09,664 --> 00:23:11,445
the wilder slash more devastating

641
00:23:11,745 --> 00:23:14,065
in way it ended, the longer it can

642
00:23:14,065 --> 00:23:15,569
take, but I think this person will

643
00:23:17,569 --> 00:23:18,669
be served by getting pissed off. Mhmm.

644
00:23:19,730 --> 00:23:20,230
Mhmm.

645
00:23:21,169 --> 00:23:23,329
So Yep. I mean, that's I agree. I

646
00:23:23,329 --> 00:23:25,509
agree. This is one of those situations where,

647
00:23:25,569 --> 00:23:28,149
well, you're not actively seeing anybody right now.

648
00:23:29,035 --> 00:23:31,355
When you are, I have, you know, thoughts,

649
00:23:31,355 --> 00:23:32,654
feelings, but I

650
00:23:33,275 --> 00:23:34,734
I don't insert myself.

651
00:23:35,275 --> 00:23:36,875
You know? I'm gonna be there for you

652
00:23:36,875 --> 00:23:38,634
and if you ask my opinion, that's our

653
00:23:38,634 --> 00:23:40,315
rule. I'm like, I won't tell you anything.

654
00:23:40,315 --> 00:23:42,309
I will not offer unsolicited advice about your

655
00:23:42,309 --> 00:23:44,390
relationships that I'm not a part of. But

656
00:23:44,390 --> 00:23:45,690
if you ask me,

657
00:23:46,630 --> 00:23:48,549
I will tell you and you can't unhear

658
00:23:48,549 --> 00:23:49,049
that.

659
00:23:50,150 --> 00:23:52,890
So we, you know, we try to tread

660
00:23:53,590 --> 00:23:56,545
carefully, but when he's ended a relationship or

661
00:23:56,545 --> 00:23:57,445
it ended badly,

662
00:23:57,904 --> 00:23:59,505
you know, he knows he can come to

663
00:23:59,505 --> 00:24:00,404
me. I'm gonna,

664
00:24:01,025 --> 00:24:03,345
you know, I am that person that the

665
00:24:03,345 --> 00:24:04,785
other person could have been a saint but

666
00:24:04,785 --> 00:24:07,265
I'll be like yeah they sucked. Yeah they

667
00:24:07,265 --> 00:24:09,424
totally suck. You're the best. I'm I will

668
00:24:09,424 --> 00:24:10,289
hype you up.

669
00:24:10,850 --> 00:24:12,850
You know? I'm gonna be like, do you

670
00:24:12,850 --> 00:24:13,350
need,

671
00:24:14,289 --> 00:24:14,950
you know,

672
00:24:15,330 --> 00:24:15,830
sugar?

673
00:24:16,289 --> 00:24:18,369
How much candy or cookies or do you

674
00:24:18,369 --> 00:24:20,049
need cake? What what do you need to

675
00:24:20,049 --> 00:24:22,130
eat to feel your feelings right now? Right?

676
00:24:22,130 --> 00:24:22,845
Like that's

677
00:24:24,284 --> 00:24:26,284
that's to me that's my role. My role

678
00:24:26,284 --> 00:24:27,964
is to be okay with it if I'm

679
00:24:27,964 --> 00:24:29,484
okay with it, to be honest if there

680
00:24:29,484 --> 00:24:31,724
are times I'm not okay with something, and

681
00:24:31,724 --> 00:24:33,005
then to get the fuck out of the

682
00:24:33,005 --> 00:24:35,325
way and be open to com, you know,

683
00:24:35,325 --> 00:24:36,464
communication, but

684
00:24:37,670 --> 00:24:39,049
that that's, you know,

685
00:24:40,390 --> 00:24:41,990
that's sort of my view. And I know

686
00:24:41,990 --> 00:24:43,509
there are so many ways to to do

687
00:24:43,509 --> 00:24:45,609
open relationships and and nonmonogamy,

688
00:24:45,990 --> 00:24:48,069
and Mhmm. You gotta find what works for

689
00:24:48,069 --> 00:24:51,275
you. I do think that the more prescriptive

690
00:24:52,294 --> 00:24:54,154
and the more, like, 85,000,000

691
00:24:54,214 --> 00:24:55,674
rules that people

692
00:24:56,934 --> 00:24:58,554
have, I don't know. I think

693
00:24:59,734 --> 00:25:00,315
I think

694
00:25:01,654 --> 00:25:03,194
it I think it makes things complicated.

695
00:25:03,654 --> 00:25:05,309
Yeah. And if you're dealing with somebody who's

696
00:25:05,309 --> 00:25:06,929
not real good at integrity,

697
00:25:08,669 --> 00:25:11,329
they're gonna lie. They're gonna find loopholes.

698
00:25:11,950 --> 00:25:13,309
And I was like and all I can

699
00:25:13,309 --> 00:25:14,990
think is that's not this is not a

700
00:25:14,990 --> 00:25:17,149
person to be in an open relationship with.

701
00:25:17,149 --> 00:25:18,875
This is not a person to be in

702
00:25:19,335 --> 00:25:19,835
an

703
00:25:20,295 --> 00:25:21,515
open relationship with.

704
00:25:21,894 --> 00:25:22,625
This is not a person to be in

705
00:25:22,625 --> 00:25:22,984
an open relationship with. No. No. I would

706
00:25:22,984 --> 00:25:23,494
be very curious about what occurred in their

707
00:25:23,494 --> 00:25:25,654
relationship for them to have these kind of

708
00:25:25,654 --> 00:25:26,154
rules,

709
00:25:27,174 --> 00:25:29,734
what was going on, and then what that

710
00:25:29,734 --> 00:25:32,535
conversation is behind closed doors now that everything

711
00:25:32,535 --> 00:25:33,434
is shut off.

712
00:25:33,769 --> 00:25:34,269
Lola

713
00:25:34,730 --> 00:25:35,230
agrees.

714
00:25:35,690 --> 00:25:36,669
Lola agrees.

715
00:25:37,210 --> 00:25:38,809
Honey, you're not alone. We're in the same

716
00:25:38,809 --> 00:25:41,069
damn room with you. Right? You're looking directly

717
00:25:41,129 --> 00:25:41,789
at us.

718
00:25:42,089 --> 00:25:44,269
She's looking at us with judgment, though.

719
00:25:45,289 --> 00:25:47,204
She's looking at us with judgment.

720
00:25:47,765 --> 00:25:48,265
Okay.

721
00:25:49,765 --> 00:25:51,384
Okay. Next one. Hopefully

722
00:25:54,325 --> 00:25:54,825
hopefully

723
00:25:55,204 --> 00:25:57,065
Lola will let me read it.

724
00:25:58,085 --> 00:25:59,430
Do you need to go give her belly

725
00:25:59,430 --> 00:26:00,410
rubs while I read?

726
00:26:00,789 --> 00:26:03,430
Okay. Can you can you focus on this

727
00:26:03,430 --> 00:26:05,049
while you're doing that? Okay.

728
00:26:05,350 --> 00:26:07,769
The difference between play and abuse.

729
00:26:08,150 --> 00:26:08,650
So,

730
00:26:09,830 --> 00:26:11,610
real quick content warning,

731
00:26:14,454 --> 00:26:17,835
mentions of but not descriptive of sexual assault

732
00:26:17,894 --> 00:26:21,335
are in this. If you're watching on video,

733
00:26:21,335 --> 00:26:23,494
I will wave my hands. If you are

734
00:26:23,494 --> 00:26:25,194
on the podcast, you want to,

735
00:26:26,214 --> 00:26:28,534
get past this, scoot forward by like a

736
00:26:28,534 --> 00:26:29,970
minute and a half just to give yourself

737
00:26:29,970 --> 00:26:31,750
some buffer. Okay. Here we go.

738
00:26:32,450 --> 00:26:34,049
This post is very emotional. It was hard

739
00:26:34,049 --> 00:26:35,170
for me to share this, but I just

740
00:26:35,170 --> 00:26:36,849
have to get it off my chest. A

741
00:26:36,849 --> 00:26:38,450
few weeks ago, I wrote a post saying

742
00:26:38,450 --> 00:26:40,529
that if a person ignores red flags, it's

743
00:26:40,529 --> 00:26:41,589
their own fault.

744
00:26:42,075 --> 00:26:42,815
Karma will

745
00:26:43,115 --> 00:26:45,034
get you. Funny enough, while I was writing

746
00:26:45,034 --> 00:26:47,115
that post, I was doing exactly that myself.

747
00:26:47,115 --> 00:26:49,115
I should let me apologize. That was not

748
00:26:49,115 --> 00:26:50,714
karma. She did not this person does not

749
00:26:50,714 --> 00:26:53,214
deserve that, but be careful when you start

750
00:26:53,849 --> 00:26:55,529
pointing at what whose fault is what, is

751
00:26:55,529 --> 00:26:57,069
all I'm saying. Just be very careful.

752
00:26:57,609 --> 00:26:59,690
A potential partner I was talking to seemed

753
00:26:59,690 --> 00:27:01,769
perfect at first glance and even at second

754
00:27:01,769 --> 00:27:04,009
glance. So perfect that I ignored things I

755
00:27:04,009 --> 00:27:06,569
normally never would have. He mentioned that sometimes

756
00:27:06,569 --> 00:27:08,894
he didn't wanna use a safe word. Fine.

757
00:27:09,055 --> 00:27:11,055
I could try to understand that. He acted

758
00:27:11,055 --> 00:27:13,154
aggressively, insultingly, and dangerously,

759
00:27:13,775 --> 00:27:15,875
but mixed it with a play so that

760
00:27:16,015 --> 00:27:17,775
so much that it was impossible to tell

761
00:27:17,775 --> 00:27:20,335
whether humiliation was acceptable and where he crossed

762
00:27:20,335 --> 00:27:22,430
the line. Maybe I just don't understand what

763
00:27:22,430 --> 00:27:24,750
TPE means? Then he clearly made me feel

764
00:27:24,750 --> 00:27:26,990
that my opinion wouldn't matter. I thought maybe

765
00:27:26,990 --> 00:27:29,150
it's for my own good. I started doubting

766
00:27:29,150 --> 00:27:30,910
my own behavior, the reality of what was

767
00:27:30,910 --> 00:27:33,230
happening, myself, and everything I knew. And yet

768
00:27:33,230 --> 00:27:35,305
I was fully aware of the manipulative tactics

769
00:27:35,305 --> 00:27:37,065
he was using but I still fell for

770
00:27:37,065 --> 00:27:37,805
it consciously.

771
00:27:38,825 --> 00:27:41,225
Fuck. And I almost made him my met

772
00:27:41,225 --> 00:27:43,065
him in person and I'm sure how our

773
00:27:43,065 --> 00:27:44,525
first meeting would have ended.

774
00:27:45,465 --> 00:27:46,285
With my

775
00:27:46,825 --> 00:27:47,325
sexual

776
00:27:47,970 --> 00:27:49,490
assault. Now I need to cut off all

777
00:27:49,490 --> 00:27:51,089
contact and for the first time I realize

778
00:27:51,089 --> 00:27:53,329
that I'm scared. That communication gave me such

779
00:27:53,329 --> 00:27:55,089
an adrenaline rush that I ended up saying

780
00:27:55,089 --> 00:27:56,769
more than I ever should have. But you

781
00:27:56,769 --> 00:27:59,009
know what hurts? That I rarely allow myself

782
00:27:59,009 --> 00:28:00,690
to trust someone. Every time I open up

783
00:28:00,690 --> 00:28:02,230
even a little, this shit happens.

784
00:28:02,585 --> 00:28:04,184
How loudly I scream in the end from

785
00:28:04,184 --> 00:28:06,105
hurt, pain and anger make me question why

786
00:28:06,105 --> 00:28:07,244
the hell I even bother.

787
00:28:07,545 --> 00:28:09,144
This text turned out quite long and I

788
00:28:09,144 --> 00:28:11,144
almost forgot the question I wanted to ask

789
00:28:11,144 --> 00:28:13,065
with all this chaos of my feelings and

790
00:28:13,065 --> 00:28:15,384
emotions. Where do you draw the line between

791
00:28:15,384 --> 00:28:18,180
intense play and abuse, especially in TPE or

792
00:28:18,180 --> 00:28:20,420
twenty four seven dynamics? I understand the part

793
00:28:20,420 --> 00:28:21,859
about safe words and scenes, but this is

794
00:28:21,859 --> 00:28:23,539
the kind of dynamic that blends with real

795
00:28:23,539 --> 00:28:25,240
life, including punishments and humiliation.

796
00:28:25,539 --> 00:28:27,059
How do you separate it? I do want

797
00:28:27,059 --> 00:28:28,740
to say I want everybody to be very

798
00:28:28,740 --> 00:28:31,424
fucking careful how they judge who responds to

799
00:28:31,424 --> 00:28:33,025
what red flags and how could you not

800
00:28:33,025 --> 00:28:33,684
see it.

801
00:28:34,144 --> 00:28:35,744
Because this is an example of you knew

802
00:28:35,744 --> 00:28:37,505
what the red flags were and it's they

803
00:28:37,505 --> 00:28:39,025
still fucked you over. Any one of us

804
00:28:39,025 --> 00:28:41,505
can be manipulated. Mhmm. Any one of us.

805
00:28:41,505 --> 00:28:43,025
If you think you couldn't get into a

806
00:28:43,025 --> 00:28:44,519
cult, be careful, you could. If you think

807
00:28:44,519 --> 00:28:46,919
you couldn't be scammed, you absolutely could. If

808
00:28:46,919 --> 00:28:49,019
you think you could ignore red flags,

809
00:28:49,639 --> 00:28:52,440
be careful Yeah. With that hubris because Mhmm.

810
00:28:52,519 --> 00:28:53,339
Yeah, you can.

811
00:28:54,599 --> 00:28:56,599
And that's the thing that I was being

812
00:28:56,599 --> 00:28:58,279
snarky about in the beginning. She did not

813
00:28:58,279 --> 00:29:00,815
deserve any of this. Mm-mm. But just be

814
00:29:00,815 --> 00:29:03,375
careful. Future y'all, be fucking careful with your

815
00:29:03,375 --> 00:29:05,295
judgment is all I'm saying. Mhmm. Because it

816
00:29:05,295 --> 00:29:06,515
can happen so fucking

817
00:29:06,815 --> 00:29:07,875
easily sometimes.

818
00:29:09,535 --> 00:29:10,035
So

819
00:29:11,309 --> 00:29:12,929
I feel very bad for this person.

820
00:29:13,230 --> 00:29:14,849
Mhmm. I am so curious

821
00:29:15,630 --> 00:29:16,690
from a psychological

822
00:29:17,230 --> 00:29:19,149
standpoint of what was going on. What was

823
00:29:19,149 --> 00:29:20,909
this person doing for you or making you

824
00:29:20,909 --> 00:29:22,509
feel that you could see a red flag

825
00:29:22,509 --> 00:29:24,429
and ignore it? Because that means there's something.

826
00:29:24,429 --> 00:29:25,490
Something was being,

827
00:29:26,724 --> 00:29:28,825
tapped into you for you that was

828
00:29:29,524 --> 00:29:32,404
felt made you feel something you desperately wanted

829
00:29:32,404 --> 00:29:33,144
to feel

830
00:29:33,605 --> 00:29:34,884
in order to be able to go, oh,

831
00:29:34,884 --> 00:29:36,664
that is that okay? And

832
00:29:37,204 --> 00:29:39,204
other life advice, if you are questioning, is

833
00:29:39,204 --> 00:29:41,740
this okay? It probably is isn't. Your instincts

834
00:29:41,740 --> 00:29:42,960
are screaming at you.

835
00:29:44,460 --> 00:29:46,140
But that's those are my thoughts on that.

836
00:29:46,140 --> 00:29:47,660
Before we get into her questions, do you

837
00:29:47,660 --> 00:29:49,420
have any her specific questions, do you have

838
00:29:49,420 --> 00:29:52,380
any overall thoughts? Other than it's horrible. Well,

839
00:29:52,380 --> 00:29:54,315
yeah. Other other than that, not really yet.

840
00:29:54,394 --> 00:29:55,914
No. Okay. So here are the actual questions

841
00:29:55,914 --> 00:29:56,815
that we got into.

842
00:29:57,194 --> 00:29:59,115
Where do you draw the line between intense

843
00:29:59,115 --> 00:30:00,095
play and abuse?

844
00:30:01,194 --> 00:30:01,694
Consent.

845
00:30:03,194 --> 00:30:06,254
It is did you want that? You didn't?

846
00:30:06,474 --> 00:30:09,159
It's not okay. Did you negotiate that? You

847
00:30:09,159 --> 00:30:10,779
didn't? Then it's not okay.

848
00:30:11,319 --> 00:30:13,899
And and and the major difference

849
00:30:15,399 --> 00:30:17,720
is that in in a power exchange, a

850
00:30:17,720 --> 00:30:20,119
single word stops it. Right. And that is

851
00:30:20,279 --> 00:30:22,039
and this I think this person either does

852
00:30:22,039 --> 00:30:24,174
not know this or has forgotten this. Even

853
00:30:24,174 --> 00:30:26,174
in total power exchange, even in twenty four

854
00:30:26,174 --> 00:30:30,015
seven dynamics Mhmm. Right? There must be a

855
00:30:30,015 --> 00:30:32,095
mechanism to stop. Now some people won't do

856
00:30:32,095 --> 00:30:33,934
safe work. They'll do something else. I don't

857
00:30:33,934 --> 00:30:36,089
give a fuck what you figure out for

858
00:30:36,089 --> 00:30:36,589
yourselves.

859
00:30:36,970 --> 00:30:38,730
It has to be discussed and what happens

860
00:30:38,730 --> 00:30:40,809
if something is happening that is outside of

861
00:30:40,809 --> 00:30:42,650
my boundaries, that I cannot handle, that I

862
00:30:42,650 --> 00:30:44,490
do not want. How do we fucking stop

863
00:30:44,490 --> 00:30:46,970
it? We use safe words in our everyday

864
00:30:46,970 --> 00:30:49,289
life. Now we kinda use them jokingly, but

865
00:30:49,289 --> 00:30:50,894
we know the moment one of us pulls

866
00:30:50,894 --> 00:30:53,615
out red that we're serious. Right? We can

867
00:30:53,615 --> 00:30:55,795
do it while laughing because, like, we're

868
00:30:56,095 --> 00:30:58,015
we're almost at that edge if if the

869
00:30:58,015 --> 00:30:59,775
other pushed too far, now we're gonna be

870
00:30:59,775 --> 00:31:00,275
mad.

871
00:31:01,215 --> 00:31:02,275
But, yeah.

872
00:31:02,654 --> 00:31:05,720
Yeah. Like, the the line between play and

873
00:31:05,720 --> 00:31:07,960
abuse is and it's a different line for

874
00:31:07,960 --> 00:31:10,599
everybody, but it's pretty fucking clear. From the

875
00:31:10,599 --> 00:31:12,279
moment you're like I'm cool with this to

876
00:31:12,279 --> 00:31:14,859
nope, don't like that, don't want that,

877
00:31:15,319 --> 00:31:17,480
scared of that, not happy with that, don't

878
00:31:17,480 --> 00:31:19,639
consent to that, like, whatever that is for

879
00:31:19,639 --> 00:31:21,984
you, that's the fucking line. And it can

880
00:31:21,984 --> 00:31:24,144
change moment to moment, day to day, activity

881
00:31:24,144 --> 00:31:24,805
to activity.

882
00:31:25,345 --> 00:31:26,865
They could have done it yesterday and you

883
00:31:26,865 --> 00:31:28,144
were like, I'm cool with this. They could

884
00:31:28,144 --> 00:31:29,744
do the same thing today and it hits

885
00:31:29,744 --> 00:31:31,505
you wrong. I'm not cool with this. And

886
00:31:31,505 --> 00:31:33,684
that's all fucking legitimate. Mhmm.

887
00:31:34,130 --> 00:31:36,369
And if you have not discussed how you're

888
00:31:36,369 --> 00:31:39,170
gonna stop it today, right now, stop everything.

889
00:31:39,170 --> 00:31:41,009
Go fucking discuss it. How are you gonna

890
00:31:41,009 --> 00:31:42,610
stop this? You know, is it a safe

891
00:31:42,610 --> 00:31:44,049
word? Is it a signal? What are what

892
00:31:44,049 --> 00:31:45,650
are we doing here? And if you have

893
00:31:45,650 --> 00:31:47,250
a partner who's like, we don't need that.

894
00:31:47,250 --> 00:31:49,170
It'd be fine. This is total power exchange,

895
00:31:49,170 --> 00:31:49,670
baby.

896
00:31:49,974 --> 00:31:51,355
Fuck them. Okay?

897
00:31:51,974 --> 00:31:54,375
Uh-uh. They're immediately unsafe. And and you know,

898
00:31:54,375 --> 00:31:55,674
the the the question

899
00:31:56,054 --> 00:31:57,194
they asked about,

900
00:31:59,095 --> 00:32:00,054
you know, the

901
00:32:00,534 --> 00:32:01,335
where is it?

902
00:32:02,294 --> 00:32:03,754
The line between intense

903
00:32:04,054 --> 00:32:04,554
play.

904
00:32:05,309 --> 00:32:06,349
Okay? Mhmm.

905
00:32:06,829 --> 00:32:09,490
That is a personal line. It is. Yep.

906
00:32:09,710 --> 00:32:10,210
Okay.

907
00:32:10,990 --> 00:32:12,210
Because there are

908
00:32:12,829 --> 00:32:13,809
people who

909
00:32:14,829 --> 00:32:16,450
love to play until they

910
00:32:17,950 --> 00:32:18,450
bleed.

911
00:32:18,829 --> 00:32:19,329
Mhmm.

912
00:32:19,654 --> 00:32:21,994
And then there are others who play, like,

913
00:32:22,294 --> 00:32:23,434
don't leave a mark.

914
00:32:23,734 --> 00:32:24,554
Right. Exactly.

915
00:32:25,095 --> 00:32:27,274
So, you know, it it's a very broad

916
00:32:27,575 --> 00:32:28,075
spectrum.

917
00:32:28,615 --> 00:32:31,034
And, again, even that gets to change from

918
00:32:31,095 --> 00:32:33,755
day to day, partner partner. Absolutely. Whatever whatever.

919
00:32:34,375 --> 00:32:36,670
Absolutely. Because we don't like to mark me

920
00:32:36,670 --> 00:32:37,950
right before I'm gonna about to go get

921
00:32:37,950 --> 00:32:39,630
naked for a doctor. Nope. It's just a

922
00:32:39,630 --> 00:32:41,570
personal preference we have. You know?

923
00:32:41,950 --> 00:32:43,710
Outside of that, sure. Sure. Do what you

924
00:32:43,710 --> 00:32:46,430
gotta do. Right? Like, so things are situational.

925
00:32:46,430 --> 00:32:48,990
And I think this kind of ultimately, it's

926
00:32:48,990 --> 00:32:50,315
like, this is the kind of dynamic that

927
00:32:50,315 --> 00:32:52,555
blends with real life including punishments and humiliation.

928
00:32:52,555 --> 00:32:54,575
How do you separate it? And I think

929
00:32:54,795 --> 00:32:56,894
this gets to something we've

930
00:32:57,275 --> 00:32:59,355
kind this is like the whole purpose of

931
00:32:59,355 --> 00:33:01,674
why we do this of there's a difference

932
00:33:01,674 --> 00:33:04,070
between the the fantasy, the play, the fun,

933
00:33:04,070 --> 00:33:04,809
the scene,

934
00:33:05,190 --> 00:33:08,150
and living this every fucking day. Mhmm. To

935
00:33:08,150 --> 00:33:11,029
do total power exchange or twenty four seven

936
00:33:11,029 --> 00:33:12,870
or to blend your power exchange with the

937
00:33:12,870 --> 00:33:14,230
rest of your life means you have to

938
00:33:14,230 --> 00:33:15,785
be real fucking realistic

939
00:33:16,565 --> 00:33:17,065
about

940
00:33:19,605 --> 00:33:22,825
what makes sense with your actual life

941
00:33:23,285 --> 00:33:25,605
and where power exchange can fit. We don't

942
00:33:25,605 --> 00:33:27,605
squeeze our real life into the power exchange

943
00:33:27,605 --> 00:33:29,039
and make the real life somehow fit it.

944
00:33:29,039 --> 00:33:31,519
The the power exchange has to fit. Mhmm.

945
00:33:31,519 --> 00:33:33,200
And, you know, sometimes it means you do

946
00:33:33,200 --> 00:33:34,960
things that other people might not understand. Why

947
00:33:34,960 --> 00:33:36,500
you do it? Who cares? Fuck them.

948
00:33:36,799 --> 00:33:39,680
But sometimes it means, oh, when I'm in

949
00:33:39,680 --> 00:33:41,680
mom mode, you don't get to come at

950
00:33:41,680 --> 00:33:42,180
me

951
00:33:42,559 --> 00:33:43,460
as sadist

952
00:33:44,000 --> 00:33:46,684
daddy. That's not that's not the headspace I'm

953
00:33:46,684 --> 00:33:47,505
in. Right?

954
00:33:48,605 --> 00:33:51,825
Imagine that. If he's on a business call,

955
00:33:52,044 --> 00:33:55,244
I do not have the, permission and okay

956
00:33:55,244 --> 00:33:58,065
to come up and be sassy as fuck

957
00:33:58,764 --> 00:34:01,730
and, you know, start, like, whining in the

958
00:34:01,730 --> 00:34:03,650
background about how I want my daddy. Right?

959
00:34:03,650 --> 00:34:04,150
Like,

960
00:34:06,609 --> 00:34:08,550
I think some of these things

961
00:34:09,889 --> 00:34:11,489
for some of us, we'd be like, well,

962
00:34:11,489 --> 00:34:13,670
that's common sense. Well, we all know

963
00:34:14,974 --> 00:34:17,375
common sense. Ain't all that common. We know

964
00:34:17,375 --> 00:34:19,295
that we know that one person's common sense

965
00:34:19,295 --> 00:34:20,894
is another person's. Oh, I never thought of

966
00:34:20,894 --> 00:34:23,295
it that way. That is just, that is

967
00:34:23,295 --> 00:34:24,094
just typical.

968
00:34:26,030 --> 00:34:27,469
But I think there's too many people who

969
00:34:27,469 --> 00:34:29,869
have this fantasy picture in their idea their

970
00:34:29,869 --> 00:34:31,630
head about what power exchange is and all

971
00:34:31,630 --> 00:34:33,630
these parts of power exchange that you want,

972
00:34:33,630 --> 00:34:35,150
and then you're like, oh, so I have

973
00:34:35,150 --> 00:34:36,769
to accept this kind of treatment

974
00:34:37,389 --> 00:34:39,550
because it's power exchange even though this is

975
00:34:39,550 --> 00:34:41,170
not an appropriate moment.

976
00:34:41,625 --> 00:34:42,125
No.

977
00:34:42,905 --> 00:34:43,644
You will

978
00:34:44,184 --> 00:34:45,965
this will be a shifting thing

979
00:34:46,344 --> 00:34:48,505
day to day, season to season, part of

980
00:34:48,505 --> 00:34:49,804
your life, part of your life,

981
00:34:50,505 --> 00:34:52,105
role that you play in life to role

982
00:34:52,105 --> 00:34:54,125
that you play in life. Me at work,

983
00:34:54,824 --> 00:34:56,969
you know, it was rare JB ever came

984
00:34:56,969 --> 00:34:58,730
to my office, but if JB was around

985
00:34:58,730 --> 00:34:59,630
me at work,

986
00:35:00,570 --> 00:35:02,890
our dynamic was not obvious because that was

987
00:35:02,890 --> 00:35:04,590
not appropriate for the situation.

988
00:35:05,210 --> 00:35:08,025
When we're parenting our children, our child, because

989
00:35:08,025 --> 00:35:09,784
the oldest you know just went ahead and

990
00:35:09,784 --> 00:35:11,784
goofed the fuck up who gave him that

991
00:35:11,784 --> 00:35:12,284
permission.

992
00:35:13,144 --> 00:35:15,804
When we're parenting our child that is not

993
00:35:16,585 --> 00:35:17,724
the place for

994
00:35:18,424 --> 00:35:20,105
any of our dynamic. We have that in

995
00:35:20,105 --> 00:35:22,344
place on purpose because we come at parenting

996
00:35:22,344 --> 00:35:25,130
as complete and total equals. There is no

997
00:35:25,130 --> 00:35:25,630
decider.

998
00:35:26,089 --> 00:35:28,170
And quite frankly, in parenting, if there is

999
00:35:28,170 --> 00:35:30,589
a decider, it will often default to me

1000
00:35:30,809 --> 00:35:33,049
as the biological mother who's been with them

1001
00:35:33,049 --> 00:35:33,949
since like

1002
00:35:34,569 --> 00:35:36,094
they were like a clump of cells. You

1003
00:35:36,094 --> 00:35:37,694
know what I mean? But we don't do

1004
00:35:37,694 --> 00:35:39,614
it that way. It is very collaborative, but

1005
00:35:39,614 --> 00:35:41,855
there's no decider in that as as parents.

1006
00:35:41,855 --> 00:35:44,094
We've made that conscious choice. But it also

1007
00:35:44,094 --> 00:35:46,014
means that even the playful parts of our

1008
00:35:46,014 --> 00:35:48,434
dynamic don't come into play in those moments.

1009
00:35:48,654 --> 00:35:50,690
So it's about, you know, being very clear

1010
00:35:50,690 --> 00:35:52,849
with yourself and very realistic about who what

1011
00:35:52,849 --> 00:35:54,529
are the parts of life that we have

1012
00:35:54,529 --> 00:35:56,289
to deal with? What roles do I have

1013
00:35:56,289 --> 00:35:56,949
in life

1014
00:35:57,409 --> 00:35:58,869
outside of this dynamic

1015
00:35:59,329 --> 00:36:01,969
and where can this dynamic fit or not

1016
00:36:01,969 --> 00:36:03,014
fit at all.

1017
00:36:04,755 --> 00:36:05,255
And

1018
00:36:05,795 --> 00:36:07,875
that's regardless of whether you do punishments and

1019
00:36:07,875 --> 00:36:09,655
humiliation. First of all, punishments?

1020
00:36:10,034 --> 00:36:11,635
No child is ever gonna be around. Nobody

1021
00:36:11,635 --> 00:36:13,394
from outside of our dynamic is ever gonna

1022
00:36:13,394 --> 00:36:15,234
be around for that. That's gonna be private.

1023
00:36:15,234 --> 00:36:16,920
That's gonna be between the two of us.

1024
00:36:17,239 --> 00:36:18,519
That's not gonna happen at work. That's not

1025
00:36:18,519 --> 00:36:20,539
gonna happen in the grocery store. Not obviously.

1026
00:36:20,760 --> 00:36:22,460
I might get like a murmured,

1027
00:36:23,000 --> 00:36:24,359
we'll take care of this when we get

1028
00:36:24,359 --> 00:36:24,859
home.

1029
00:36:25,159 --> 00:36:27,019
I have seen kinksters, like,

1030
00:36:27,400 --> 00:36:29,335
navigate it in certain ways where there can

1031
00:36:29,335 --> 00:36:30,855
be punishment without letting

1032
00:36:31,335 --> 00:36:33,515
nobody knows what's going on. Mhmm.

1033
00:36:34,135 --> 00:36:35,035
But, you know,

1034
00:36:36,375 --> 00:36:38,295
that's most of that stuff is not for

1035
00:36:38,295 --> 00:36:40,474
anybody else's eyes, ears, or whatever.

1036
00:36:41,255 --> 00:36:44,070
So, yeah, you incorporate it, but you're still

1037
00:36:44,070 --> 00:36:44,570
mindful

1038
00:36:45,190 --> 00:36:46,950
of who the fuck's around you, where you

1039
00:36:46,950 --> 00:36:49,269
are, and what you're in the the midst

1040
00:36:49,269 --> 00:36:51,030
of doing at the time. Mhmm.

1041
00:36:51,829 --> 00:36:53,690
And it is all personal. Every

1042
00:36:54,309 --> 00:36:56,469
relationship will figure out their own way that

1043
00:36:56,469 --> 00:36:58,784
they wanna handle it. But I think everybody's

1044
00:36:58,844 --> 00:37:02,385
gotta be fucking realistic about actual real life

1045
00:37:02,684 --> 00:37:04,545
that some of this shit don't work

1046
00:37:04,844 --> 00:37:06,844
all the time. Right. It's just that's not

1047
00:37:06,844 --> 00:37:07,344
realistic.

1048
00:37:07,644 --> 00:37:09,804
But the other biggest thing is the intense

1049
00:37:09,804 --> 00:37:10,864
play and abuse

1050
00:37:11,164 --> 00:37:13,619
consent, my child. Consent is the line.

1051
00:37:14,260 --> 00:37:16,500
Yeah. Fucking hell. If you didn't like it

1052
00:37:16,500 --> 00:37:18,099
and you didn't want it and you weren't

1053
00:37:18,099 --> 00:37:20,099
expecting it and you never want to experience

1054
00:37:20,099 --> 00:37:22,680
it again. It shouldn't it shouldn't happen. Right.

1055
00:37:23,940 --> 00:37:26,119
And and and intense play,

1056
00:37:26,740 --> 00:37:28,275
I mean, that's a subject term. What do

1057
00:37:28,275 --> 00:37:29,875
we mean by that? And what does that

1058
00:37:29,875 --> 00:37:31,474
look like? Because everybody's play is gonna be

1059
00:37:31,474 --> 00:37:33,414
a little bit different. That is also

1060
00:37:34,355 --> 00:37:35,335
specific to

1061
00:37:36,434 --> 00:37:38,275
what is happening around us right now, who

1062
00:37:38,275 --> 00:37:40,114
is around us right now, what role in

1063
00:37:40,114 --> 00:37:42,210
my life am I playing right now. Again,

1064
00:37:42,609 --> 00:37:44,769
intense play is not gonna happen when I'm

1065
00:37:44,769 --> 00:37:47,170
in mom mode. That what? That's not fucking

1066
00:37:47,170 --> 00:37:47,670
happening.

1067
00:37:47,969 --> 00:37:49,650
Intense play is not gonna happen when I'm

1068
00:37:49,650 --> 00:37:51,089
sick. It's not gonna happen when JB is

1069
00:37:51,089 --> 00:37:53,190
hurt. It's not you know? Yeah.

1070
00:37:53,889 --> 00:37:55,889
So this idea that, yeah, total power exchange

1071
00:37:55,889 --> 00:37:58,214
in twenty fourseven, it intertwines all parts of

1072
00:37:58,214 --> 00:38:00,375
your life. Yes. But in a realistic way.

1073
00:38:00,375 --> 00:38:02,135
In a way that doesn't get hopefully get

1074
00:38:02,135 --> 00:38:03,914
anybody sent to fucking jail.

1075
00:38:04,454 --> 00:38:06,614
I mean, it's at kind of as simple

1076
00:38:06,614 --> 00:38:08,454
as that. You know? Yeah. We're not gonna

1077
00:38:08,454 --> 00:38:10,214
sit in the parent teacher conference and have

1078
00:38:10,214 --> 00:38:11,280
him put me over his

1079
00:38:12,400 --> 00:38:13,119
knee. That don't

1080
00:38:13,920 --> 00:38:16,079
that doesn't make any sense to anybody. Right?

1081
00:38:16,079 --> 00:38:18,000
Right? That's the kind of like, that's how

1082
00:38:18,000 --> 00:38:19,539
I hear it when somebody's like,

1083
00:38:20,320 --> 00:38:22,000
you know, shouldn't we be able to do

1084
00:38:22,000 --> 00:38:24,719
this at any no. No. No. No. There

1085
00:38:24,719 --> 00:38:26,320
are times when it is appropriate, and there

1086
00:38:26,320 --> 00:38:28,364
are times when it is not. Right. And

1087
00:38:28,364 --> 00:38:30,385
it is up to y'all in your relationship

1088
00:38:30,445 --> 00:38:32,605
to decide what those times are, but I

1089
00:38:32,605 --> 00:38:33,344
do think,

1090
00:38:33,965 --> 00:38:36,304
you know, having a non consenting person

1091
00:38:37,005 --> 00:38:38,605
in your space would be a clear one

1092
00:38:38,605 --> 00:38:40,144
that that's not the right time.

1093
00:38:41,000 --> 00:38:43,000
Being in doing something in life that is

1094
00:38:43,000 --> 00:38:45,099
not about your role in your power exchange,

1095
00:38:45,800 --> 00:38:47,880
more often than not that's not a correct

1096
00:38:47,880 --> 00:38:50,380
time. Not always. There's always exceptions, but

1097
00:38:51,719 --> 00:38:53,480
yeah. The moment you don't want it and

1098
00:38:53,480 --> 00:38:55,594
it's still happening, baby you're in abuse. That's

1099
00:38:55,594 --> 00:38:58,014
something. And I say that as somebody who

1100
00:38:58,954 --> 00:39:01,355
has things happen that I I would not

1101
00:39:01,355 --> 00:39:01,855
request.

1102
00:39:02,234 --> 00:39:04,974
Right? I would not I don't want

1103
00:39:05,355 --> 00:39:07,114
to get hit with that toy or to

1104
00:39:07,114 --> 00:39:09,269
feel that sensation, but what I do want

1105
00:39:09,269 --> 00:39:11,030
is his attention and I want the moment

1106
00:39:11,030 --> 00:39:13,030
and I want the struggle and I want

1107
00:39:13,030 --> 00:39:15,590
to, you know, I want to be there

1108
00:39:15,590 --> 00:39:16,570
as it's happening.

1109
00:39:17,670 --> 00:39:19,989
That's my fuzzy line. But if you walk

1110
00:39:19,989 --> 00:39:21,894
away from it going, I hope to God

1111
00:39:21,894 --> 00:39:23,255
that never happens again and I'm low key

1112
00:39:23,255 --> 00:39:23,755
traumatized,

1113
00:39:25,894 --> 00:39:26,795
that's abuse.

1114
00:39:27,335 --> 00:39:29,654
That's not play. That's somebody taking advantage of

1115
00:39:29,654 --> 00:39:31,674
their Right. Power and role and control.

1116
00:39:32,135 --> 00:39:33,275
Mhmm. You know?

1117
00:39:33,815 --> 00:39:35,914
Easy on that one. Yeah.

1118
00:39:36,599 --> 00:39:38,300
You know, I'm keeping my

1119
00:39:38,680 --> 00:39:41,420
my temper sort of down a little bit.

1120
00:39:41,800 --> 00:39:42,780
A little bit.

1121
00:39:43,960 --> 00:39:46,059
Oh my gosh. Kinda, sorta. Maybe.

1122
00:39:46,920 --> 00:39:47,420
Okay.

1123
00:39:48,200 --> 00:39:49,340
Next one.

1124
00:39:52,925 --> 00:39:53,425
This

1125
00:39:53,804 --> 00:39:55,824
this one hit close to me.

1126
00:39:56,204 --> 00:39:58,465
I felt like others could relate.

1127
00:39:58,844 --> 00:39:59,344
Okay.

1128
00:39:59,804 --> 00:40:01,644
How often do you have scenes in your

1129
00:40:01,644 --> 00:40:02,144
dynamic,

1130
00:40:02,445 --> 00:40:04,844
dissatisfied with the frequency in mind, and wondering

1131
00:40:04,844 --> 00:40:07,789
what's normal? I'm good. Spoiler, ain't nothing fucking

1132
00:40:07,789 --> 00:40:09,730
normal. There's no such thing. Yeah. No.

1133
00:40:10,190 --> 00:40:12,190
I'm in a female led relationship and DS

1134
00:40:12,190 --> 00:40:14,190
dynamic with my girlfriend. Lately, I've come to

1135
00:40:14,190 --> 00:40:16,590
realize that I enjoy BDS scenes with or

1136
00:40:16,590 --> 00:40:19,070
without sex more than sex and have been

1137
00:40:19,070 --> 00:40:19,570
dissatisfied

1138
00:40:20,565 --> 00:40:21,065
frequency

1139
00:40:21,364 --> 00:40:23,284
we have sex, which is frequent, relative to

1140
00:40:23,284 --> 00:40:25,684
kinky scenes, which is sporadic. So they want

1141
00:40:25,684 --> 00:40:27,925
more kink scenes than sex, but they're getting

1142
00:40:27,925 --> 00:40:29,545
more sex than kink scenes. Okay.

1143
00:40:29,925 --> 00:40:32,164
Last weekend, for example, the only kinky thing

1144
00:40:32,164 --> 00:40:33,764
we did was her using me as a

1145
00:40:33,764 --> 00:40:35,489
footstool while we binge watch TV.

1146
00:40:35,969 --> 00:40:37,489
I've been hoping we could do something more

1147
00:40:37,489 --> 00:40:39,969
involved with bondage or impact play, especially since

1148
00:40:39,969 --> 00:40:41,989
this was her ex's weekend with the kids,

1149
00:40:42,050 --> 00:40:43,730
but that wound up not happening and I

1150
00:40:43,730 --> 00:40:44,469
felt frustrated.

1151
00:40:48,724 --> 00:40:50,724
They said, contrary wise, that's not a word

1152
00:40:50,724 --> 00:40:52,965
I'm familiar with, we had sex multiple times.

1153
00:40:52,965 --> 00:40:55,125
So let little kink, lots of sex. She

1154
00:40:55,125 --> 00:40:57,204
enjoys bondage and impact. She's tied me up

1155
00:40:57,204 --> 00:40:58,804
four times in the past two months, three

1156
00:40:58,804 --> 00:41:01,125
times with rope, once with bed restraints. We've

1157
00:41:01,125 --> 00:41:03,369
done extended spanking sessions maybe a couple of

1158
00:41:03,369 --> 00:41:05,710
times. I'm the one who requests slash initiates

1159
00:41:05,769 --> 00:41:07,630
maybe 75% of the time.

1160
00:41:07,929 --> 00:41:09,530
It feels like on most of our weekends

1161
00:41:09,530 --> 00:41:11,369
together, I hope for kinky scenes and more

1162
00:41:11,369 --> 00:41:13,309
often than not, we only have sex instead.

1163
00:41:13,690 --> 00:41:16,184
Our sex incorporates mild kink, her on top,

1164
00:41:16,184 --> 00:41:18,265
tugging my collar, dirty talk. It's nice. But

1165
00:41:18,265 --> 00:41:20,265
when we're apart, I don't dream and fantasize

1166
00:41:20,265 --> 00:41:22,364
about sex together like I do kink together.

1167
00:41:22,744 --> 00:41:24,265
And yes, I've talked with her about this

1168
00:41:24,265 --> 00:41:26,585
multiple times. It hasn't gone well. She felt

1169
00:41:26,585 --> 00:41:28,105
like I was saying she isn't kinky enough,

1170
00:41:28,105 --> 00:41:29,880
felt treated like a kink dispenser, and told

1171
00:41:29,880 --> 00:41:31,833
me that the only person who will have

1172
00:41:31,833 --> 00:41:33,787
a comparable kink libido is another man. That's

1173
00:41:33,787 --> 00:41:35,985
not true. We are in a female led

1174
00:41:35,985 --> 00:41:37,940
relationship. She makes most of the daily decisions

1175
00:41:37,940 --> 00:41:39,893
and I follow her lead. I am where

1176
00:41:39,893 --> 00:41:41,847
I am in my career as a result

1177
00:41:41,847 --> 00:41:43,945
of following her guidance. I ask permission for

1178
00:41:43,945 --> 00:41:45,385
things like whether I can have a second

1179
00:41:45,385 --> 00:41:46,824
helping of dessert. I do most of the

1180
00:41:46,824 --> 00:41:49,144
household chores, vacuuming the floors, doing the dishes,

1181
00:41:49,144 --> 00:41:50,905
and taking out the trash while she plays

1182
00:41:50,905 --> 00:41:53,385
video games. That brings me joy. Wiping her

1183
00:41:53,385 --> 00:41:55,545
toddler's poopy butt so she doesn't have to

1184
00:41:55,545 --> 00:41:57,900
brings me joy. I am deeply fulfilled by

1185
00:41:57,900 --> 00:41:59,659
serving and deferring to her in our daily

1186
00:41:59,659 --> 00:42:02,139
life. In our bedroom, however, I simply don't

1187
00:42:02,139 --> 00:42:04,219
have the her pleasure is all that matters,

1188
00:42:04,219 --> 00:42:05,980
my only joy is pleasing her mindset that

1189
00:42:05,980 --> 00:42:08,699
I've encountered online. I suspect that it would

1190
00:42:08,699 --> 00:42:10,619
be easier for me to claim this mindset

1191
00:42:10,619 --> 00:42:12,940
if my kinky libido better aligned with my

1192
00:42:12,940 --> 00:42:13,394
partners.

1193
00:42:13,795 --> 00:42:15,954
Regardless, I'm wondering if my feelings are reasonable.

1194
00:42:15,954 --> 00:42:17,554
I'd find it helpful to hear from others.

1195
00:42:17,554 --> 00:42:18,755
How often do you have scenes in your

1196
00:42:18,755 --> 00:42:20,755
dynamic? How often do you have kinky scenes

1197
00:42:20,755 --> 00:42:21,974
relative to sex?

1198
00:42:24,835 --> 00:42:25,335
Quick

1199
00:42:25,809 --> 00:42:28,230
thought. Those last two questions are irrelevant because

1200
00:42:28,289 --> 00:42:31,190
whatever is normal for one relationship

1201
00:42:31,489 --> 00:42:33,569
Is is not normal for another. Right. The

1202
00:42:33,650 --> 00:42:35,329
yeah. Because there's no normal amount. There's no

1203
00:42:35,329 --> 00:42:37,489
typical amount. There's no correct amount. There's no

1204
00:42:38,235 --> 00:42:40,394
you know? Yeah. There's no, like, oh, you

1205
00:42:40,394 --> 00:42:41,855
have to do it five times

1206
00:42:42,315 --> 00:42:42,815
in,

1207
00:42:43,755 --> 00:42:45,355
the month where we've got two full moons,

1208
00:42:45,355 --> 00:42:46,555
but you can do it four times in

1209
00:42:46,555 --> 00:42:48,474
every other month. There's only one full moon.

1210
00:42:48,474 --> 00:42:49,914
And then if you get a blue moon,

1211
00:42:49,914 --> 00:42:51,710
well, then you get six times,

1212
00:42:52,010 --> 00:42:53,929
one of those times is outside. It'll be

1213
00:42:53,929 --> 00:42:55,469
great. Like, that's not there's no

1214
00:42:57,210 --> 00:42:59,369
even without the coffee, I'm kinda Yeah. Yeah.

1215
00:42:59,369 --> 00:43:00,809
You are. So what are what are your

1216
00:43:00,809 --> 00:43:02,109
thoughts on all of this?

1217
00:43:03,929 --> 00:43:06,074
Well, you know, I I was going in

1218
00:43:06,074 --> 00:43:06,734
one direction

1219
00:43:07,914 --> 00:43:10,795
until they started talking about how they, you

1220
00:43:10,795 --> 00:43:12,014
know, have talked

1221
00:43:12,394 --> 00:43:14,094
to their partner about it. Mhmm.

1222
00:43:17,994 --> 00:43:21,190
And it it it almost seems like their

1223
00:43:21,190 --> 00:43:21,690
partner

1224
00:43:22,789 --> 00:43:23,610
just isn't

1225
00:43:24,230 --> 00:43:25,369
maybe into it

1226
00:43:25,750 --> 00:43:27,190
as much as they would want them to

1227
00:43:27,190 --> 00:43:28,410
be. Maybe so.

1228
00:43:28,789 --> 00:43:29,769
Maybe an incompatibility.

1229
00:43:30,309 --> 00:43:30,809
Mhmm.

1230
00:43:31,269 --> 00:43:33,110
You know, I'm curious, and we're we're not

1231
00:43:33,110 --> 00:43:34,390
gonna get it from here, and we'll never

1232
00:43:34,390 --> 00:43:37,105
get to know. How did that conversation go?

1233
00:43:37,964 --> 00:43:39,344
Yeah. Was this

1234
00:43:39,644 --> 00:43:41,964
an equal partner but a submissive coming to

1235
00:43:41,964 --> 00:43:44,545
their dominant going, hey. There's some things I'd

1236
00:43:44,925 --> 00:43:46,764
I'd really like to experience. I'd real you

1237
00:43:46,764 --> 00:43:48,329
know, I miss I wish we did it

1238
00:43:48,329 --> 00:43:48,989
more often.

1239
00:43:49,450 --> 00:43:51,289
You know? Yeah. Like, I love having sex

1240
00:43:51,289 --> 00:43:52,730
with you, but, man, I you know, that's

1241
00:43:52,730 --> 00:43:54,510
the kink scenes I find most fulfilling.

1242
00:43:55,130 --> 00:43:57,210
Was that how they approached it, or was

1243
00:43:57,210 --> 00:43:59,630
it some other way? Yeah. Or

1244
00:44:00,489 --> 00:44:02,590
was it one of those things where

1245
00:44:03,875 --> 00:44:04,375
they

1246
00:44:04,755 --> 00:44:06,914
spoke their piece, their partner said, okay, we'll

1247
00:44:06,914 --> 00:44:07,875
take that under advisement

1248
00:44:08,275 --> 00:44:08,775
Mhmm.

1249
00:44:09,155 --> 00:44:10,835
And then they did they push too hard?

1250
00:44:10,835 --> 00:44:12,514
Now I don't wanna put it all on

1251
00:44:12,514 --> 00:44:14,755
this person, you know, that they must have

1252
00:44:14,755 --> 00:44:16,614
done something wrong. It can

1253
00:44:17,030 --> 00:44:18,630
I think if they had said that their

1254
00:44:18,630 --> 00:44:20,089
partner promised and never delivered,

1255
00:44:20,389 --> 00:44:22,070
then they would have included that? Right. So

1256
00:44:22,070 --> 00:44:23,750
it doesn't sound to me like they've been

1257
00:44:23,750 --> 00:44:25,909
promised something, especially if their partner's like, I

1258
00:44:25,909 --> 00:44:27,670
feel like a kink dispenser. I feel like

1259
00:44:27,670 --> 00:44:29,369
that's all you want from me.

1260
00:44:30,695 --> 00:44:32,375
And I think that's kind of a a

1261
00:44:32,375 --> 00:44:34,454
hard needle to thread because I have been

1262
00:44:34,454 --> 00:44:36,934
the submissive that didn't want anything, please God,

1263
00:44:36,934 --> 00:44:38,215
I can't handle it if you touch me

1264
00:44:38,215 --> 00:44:40,375
right now and and you are in control

1265
00:44:40,375 --> 00:44:43,015
but you know I didn't consent. And I've

1266
00:44:43,015 --> 00:44:45,099
also been the submissive, like, oh my God,

1267
00:44:45,099 --> 00:44:47,579
I would kill for more scenes. And you

1268
00:44:47,579 --> 00:44:48,480
didn't have the

1269
00:44:48,780 --> 00:44:50,860
energy. You didn't you didn't have it in

1270
00:44:50,860 --> 00:44:51,920
you to do.

1271
00:44:52,940 --> 00:44:53,840
And that is

1272
00:44:54,300 --> 00:44:56,699
that happens, you know? What stage of life

1273
00:44:56,699 --> 00:44:58,784
is she currently in? What's going on with

1274
00:44:58,784 --> 00:45:00,724
the rest of her life, you know?

1275
00:45:01,105 --> 00:45:03,505
Is she doing some of these kink things

1276
00:45:03,505 --> 00:45:06,144
not because she really enjoys them truly, but

1277
00:45:06,144 --> 00:45:08,644
because she knows it brings her partner pleasure?

1278
00:45:10,160 --> 00:45:12,079
That will get you so far, but it

1279
00:45:12,079 --> 00:45:13,760
won't take you all the way. It doesn't

1280
00:45:13,840 --> 00:45:15,039
if you only do it for the other

1281
00:45:15,039 --> 00:45:16,880
person, you can and there's nothing wrong with

1282
00:45:16,880 --> 00:45:18,640
that, but that's not a thing that means

1283
00:45:18,640 --> 00:45:19,860
you're gonna want to do

1284
00:45:20,800 --> 00:45:22,719
it once a week, every couple of weeks.

1285
00:45:22,719 --> 00:45:24,719
Like, you're gonna because it's not the thing

1286
00:45:24,719 --> 00:45:26,855
you're seeking for for yourself. Right. It's the

1287
00:45:26,855 --> 00:45:28,614
thing you're doing on behalf for the other

1288
00:45:28,614 --> 00:45:29,514
person. Mhmm.

1289
00:45:30,135 --> 00:45:31,994
And there's also the whole

1290
00:45:33,094 --> 00:45:33,675
you know,

1291
00:45:34,934 --> 00:45:37,175
it is the Dom's decision. Is she not

1292
00:45:37,175 --> 00:45:39,094
wanting to do this because she feels like

1293
00:45:39,094 --> 00:45:40,234
she's being pushed?

1294
00:45:41,014 --> 00:45:42,490
And it's, it's, you know, it's not a

1295
00:45:42,490 --> 00:45:44,090
thing she gets to control and she gets

1296
00:45:44,090 --> 00:45:46,890
to decide with his consent, with the person's

1297
00:45:46,890 --> 00:45:47,390
consent.

1298
00:45:47,849 --> 00:45:49,210
But, you know, if she's pushed into it,

1299
00:45:49,210 --> 00:45:50,809
then maybe she don't wanna fucking do it

1300
00:45:50,809 --> 00:45:51,710
at all now.

1301
00:45:52,090 --> 00:45:53,309
Yeah. I'm I mean,

1302
00:45:53,930 --> 00:45:56,385
you know, the the questions that they asked

1303
00:45:57,344 --> 00:45:58,324
really are moot.

1304
00:45:58,625 --> 00:46:00,244
Yeah. Okay? Yeah.

1305
00:46:00,704 --> 00:46:01,204
And

1306
00:46:02,144 --> 00:46:03,204
everything else

1307
00:46:04,304 --> 00:46:05,605
that they're dealing with,

1308
00:46:07,505 --> 00:46:09,505
there are so many possible things it could

1309
00:46:09,505 --> 00:46:10,980
be. Right. The one thing I will say,

1310
00:46:10,980 --> 00:46:12,420
they ask I wonder if my feelings are

1311
00:46:12,420 --> 00:46:14,500
reasonable. Yes, your feelings are reasonable. You get

1312
00:46:14,500 --> 00:46:16,500
to want what you want and you get

1313
00:46:16,500 --> 00:46:18,739
to wish you had more of it. That

1314
00:46:18,739 --> 00:46:22,039
is a 100% valid. Yeah. A 100% valid.

1315
00:46:22,099 --> 00:46:24,260
But if that is so that important to

1316
00:46:24,260 --> 00:46:25,824
them, if it is so important to them

1317
00:46:25,824 --> 00:46:27,744
that it is a drain on their relationship

1318
00:46:27,744 --> 00:46:29,684
or they're finding less pleasure in their relationship,

1319
00:46:29,905 --> 00:46:32,465
then that speaks to an incompatibility between partners.

1320
00:46:32,465 --> 00:46:34,545
Right. Because that part that dom cannot give

1321
00:46:34,545 --> 00:46:36,244
you what you need. Mhmm.

1322
00:46:36,864 --> 00:46:38,969
You know? Yeah. You might enjoy everything else

1323
00:46:39,210 --> 00:46:40,889
even more if your other needs are being

1324
00:46:40,889 --> 00:46:43,369
fulfilled. That doesn't make anybody wrong. Just it

1325
00:46:43,369 --> 00:46:45,710
just means maybe there's an an incompatibility. Incompatibility.

1326
00:46:46,090 --> 00:46:46,590
Mhmm.

1327
00:46:47,210 --> 00:46:48,650
But, yeah, I think I agree with you

1328
00:46:48,650 --> 00:46:51,789
completely. There's there's so many reasons why's how's

1329
00:46:52,329 --> 00:46:54,454
it could be tone. It could be frequency,

1330
00:46:54,454 --> 00:46:56,315
it could be Mhmm. You know,

1331
00:46:56,775 --> 00:46:59,175
the thing that because there's always a side

1332
00:46:59,175 --> 00:47:00,934
we don't get. There's details we don't get

1333
00:47:00,934 --> 00:47:02,454
because we're getting it just from one person's

1334
00:47:02,454 --> 00:47:05,034
perspective. So did she tell you

1335
00:47:06,375 --> 00:47:08,614
give me some time, not right now, let

1336
00:47:08,614 --> 00:47:10,269
me bring it up, and then you push.

1337
00:47:10,269 --> 00:47:12,130
I don't know. I'll never get to know.

1338
00:47:12,510 --> 00:47:13,010
But,

1339
00:47:13,710 --> 00:47:15,470
you know, only that person gets to decide,

1340
00:47:15,470 --> 00:47:16,769
okay. Is this an incompatibility?

1341
00:47:17,470 --> 00:47:19,730
True. And now I've got to decide

1342
00:47:20,670 --> 00:47:22,349
that I can be happy with every so

1343
00:47:22,349 --> 00:47:22,849
often.

1344
00:47:23,550 --> 00:47:24,289
I'm very

1345
00:47:24,914 --> 00:47:25,414
curious.

1346
00:47:25,795 --> 00:47:26,934
Maybe it's because I'm

1347
00:47:27,394 --> 00:47:28,855
not wired this way.

1348
00:47:30,035 --> 00:47:32,035
I have a 100% wanted what I wanted,

1349
00:47:32,035 --> 00:47:33,715
and it wasn't the right time. We couldn't

1350
00:47:33,715 --> 00:47:35,494
do it. You didn't have the energy. Right?

1351
00:47:37,760 --> 00:47:38,820
At no point

1352
00:47:39,359 --> 00:47:41,519
in any relationship I've ever had, but certainly

1353
00:47:41,519 --> 00:47:43,599
not in our power exchange, has that ever

1354
00:47:43,599 --> 00:47:46,559
made me like start questioning the relationship or

1355
00:47:46,559 --> 00:47:48,179
my joy in the, you know,

1356
00:47:48,815 --> 00:47:50,815
sort of, what I'm getting out of this

1357
00:47:50,815 --> 00:47:52,515
situation. Right? Like,

1358
00:47:53,215 --> 00:47:55,394
if there's so much else that's good,

1359
00:47:56,894 --> 00:47:59,055
does that not outweigh the thing you wish

1360
00:47:59,055 --> 00:48:01,715
you, you know, you had more of? Mhmm.

1361
00:48:02,735 --> 00:48:03,235
And

1362
00:48:04,130 --> 00:48:06,369
are thing are you telling yourself things are

1363
00:48:06,369 --> 00:48:06,869
good

1364
00:48:07,570 --> 00:48:09,969
because you think they should be, when actually

1365
00:48:09,969 --> 00:48:11,989
you're missing out on something you desperately need?

1366
00:48:12,930 --> 00:48:14,530
You know? So Silent just,

1367
00:48:15,824 --> 00:48:18,324
in chat posted something that,

1368
00:48:19,105 --> 00:48:19,605
maybe,

1369
00:48:22,385 --> 00:48:24,224
apparent yeah. She says, there was more to

1370
00:48:24,224 --> 00:48:26,625
this one. She didn't want to plan scenes,

1371
00:48:26,625 --> 00:48:28,464
but if he brought something up in the

1372
00:48:28,464 --> 00:48:30,750
moment, she accused him of topping from the

1373
00:48:30,750 --> 00:48:31,250
bottom.

1374
00:48:32,110 --> 00:48:33,809
Well, that sucks. Yeah.

1375
00:48:34,910 --> 00:48:38,030
There's definitely an incompatibility there. And I'll say

1376
00:48:38,030 --> 00:48:38,530
this,

1377
00:48:39,869 --> 00:48:41,489
I don't agree with it. I think

1378
00:48:41,835 --> 00:48:44,155
somebody expressing their needs is never topping from

1379
00:48:44,155 --> 00:48:46,315
the bottom. No. But I could see somebody

1380
00:48:46,315 --> 00:48:48,074
who felt pressured to do something they didn't

1381
00:48:48,074 --> 00:48:48,815
wanna do,

1382
00:48:49,275 --> 00:48:50,795
and had not just said, I don't wanna

1383
00:48:50,795 --> 00:48:52,155
fucking do this. Yeah. This is not what

1384
00:48:52,155 --> 00:48:53,835
I wanna do. Mhmm. I could see that

1385
00:48:53,835 --> 00:48:55,114
being the reaction. I think it's not a

1386
00:48:55,114 --> 00:48:56,795
great reaction. I think it because that that

1387
00:48:56,795 --> 00:48:57,295
invalidates

1388
00:48:57,940 --> 00:49:00,660
the submissive partner's feelings. Correct. Because the submissive

1389
00:49:00,660 --> 00:49:02,019
partner gets to want what they want, and

1390
00:49:02,019 --> 00:49:03,619
I hear that you go find a partner

1391
00:49:03,619 --> 00:49:05,480
who can give you what you want. Mhmm.

1392
00:49:05,940 --> 00:49:08,840
And if if what this person craves is

1393
00:49:09,460 --> 00:49:12,795
planned scenes, like, just legit scenes that are

1394
00:49:12,875 --> 00:49:14,554
about the kink and not about the sex,

1395
00:49:14,554 --> 00:49:15,994
and that's not what she wants to do.

1396
00:49:15,994 --> 00:49:16,494
And

1397
00:49:19,114 --> 00:49:20,255
should y'all be together?

1398
00:49:20,635 --> 00:49:21,135
Right.

1399
00:49:22,155 --> 00:49:24,255
You know? Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep.

1400
00:49:25,050 --> 00:49:27,130
Yeah. But that's that's the hard part of,

1401
00:49:27,130 --> 00:49:29,610
like, trying to answer this like, more details.

1402
00:49:29,610 --> 00:49:30,750
More details. Yeah.

1403
00:49:31,050 --> 00:49:33,210
Oh, but the questions that they asked for

1404
00:49:33,210 --> 00:49:34,969
anybody else who's ever like, do we do

1405
00:49:34,969 --> 00:49:37,630
this often enough? Often enough is subjective.

1406
00:49:37,934 --> 00:49:39,775
Often enough for you in your life that

1407
00:49:39,934 --> 00:49:42,015
your real life you're living right now Mhmm.

1408
00:49:42,255 --> 00:49:44,094
In this season of life that you're living

1409
00:49:44,094 --> 00:49:44,594
in.

1410
00:49:45,454 --> 00:49:46,914
Early days for us,

1411
00:49:47,775 --> 00:49:49,295
if we were sitting still for a few

1412
00:49:49,295 --> 00:49:51,295
minutes and had total privacy, we were doing

1413
00:49:51,295 --> 00:49:53,429
something kinky. Something was happening. And it was

1414
00:49:53,429 --> 00:49:55,750
delightful. Mhmm. And then in other seasons, we

1415
00:49:55,750 --> 00:49:58,250
were like, I love you. You love me.

1416
00:49:58,389 --> 00:50:00,710
We are kinky, but, don't look at me.

1417
00:50:00,710 --> 00:50:02,630
Don't make eye contact. Neither of us can

1418
00:50:02,630 --> 00:50:03,210
do this.

1419
00:50:03,989 --> 00:50:04,889
Not right now.

1420
00:50:05,589 --> 00:50:07,715
I've had on kind of the back burner

1421
00:50:07,715 --> 00:50:08,914
because I can't figure out how to flesh

1422
00:50:08,914 --> 00:50:11,074
it out as a whole episode. Mhmm. But

1423
00:50:11,074 --> 00:50:12,054
I've kinda had

1424
00:50:12,434 --> 00:50:14,295
the topic on my list,

1425
00:50:15,635 --> 00:50:18,934
of that feeling of, you know, sexual arousal

1426
00:50:18,994 --> 00:50:21,880
slash libido. We've talked about it going away,

1427
00:50:21,880 --> 00:50:23,579
and it's kind of coming back.

1428
00:50:24,119 --> 00:50:26,039
But I've had for the past several months,

1429
00:50:26,039 --> 00:50:28,199
I've had a similar thing with only way

1430
00:50:28,199 --> 00:50:29,800
I know how to call describe it as

1431
00:50:29,800 --> 00:50:31,420
my kink libido, my desire

1432
00:50:31,800 --> 00:50:33,719
for fuckery and kink that has nothing to

1433
00:50:33,719 --> 00:50:35,500
do with sex. And it has

1434
00:50:36,155 --> 00:50:37,994
often come back. And I've had, like, full

1435
00:50:37,994 --> 00:50:39,755
on fantasies, and I'm like, oh, I could

1436
00:50:39,755 --> 00:50:40,894
see how that would happen.

1437
00:50:41,434 --> 00:50:42,414
And, you know,

1438
00:50:42,875 --> 00:50:45,034
I will bring and I've kind of wanted

1439
00:50:45,034 --> 00:50:46,714
to see if there's a topic to that,

1440
00:50:46,714 --> 00:50:48,315
if there's a conversation to be had of

1441
00:50:48,315 --> 00:50:49,769
that, And I it's not fleshed out in

1442
00:50:49,769 --> 00:50:51,930
my head. But it's on the list because

1443
00:50:51,930 --> 00:50:53,630
it when I started having

1444
00:50:54,570 --> 00:50:56,890
kinky fantasies in my own head, like, not

1445
00:50:56,890 --> 00:50:59,210
you fucking me, but, like, all the because

1446
00:50:59,210 --> 00:51:01,210
I was memories of kinky shit we used

1447
00:51:01,210 --> 00:51:03,344
to do. It was powerful. I was like,

1448
00:51:03,664 --> 00:51:05,525
damn, I think your girl's back. Okay.

1449
00:51:06,304 --> 00:51:07,925
But we have not had

1450
00:51:08,545 --> 00:51:10,405
we've not been on the same level energy

1451
00:51:10,545 --> 00:51:13,744
wise. Right? And that's that's the reality too.

1452
00:51:13,744 --> 00:51:16,320
Right. But it felt good to, like, want

1453
00:51:16,400 --> 00:51:17,219
to get kinky.

1454
00:51:17,760 --> 00:51:19,119
You know? To be like, no. No. No.

1455
00:51:19,119 --> 00:51:20,719
I actually want you to make me cry

1456
00:51:20,719 --> 00:51:21,219
consensually.

1457
00:51:22,079 --> 00:51:23,219
This will be delightful.

1458
00:51:25,360 --> 00:51:27,599
But you know, there the reality is that

1459
00:51:27,599 --> 00:51:29,119
there are times in life where it will

1460
00:51:29,119 --> 00:51:31,039
feel like an incompatibility, because you will want

1461
00:51:31,039 --> 00:51:33,655
something that your partner cannot give you. If

1462
00:51:33,655 --> 00:51:35,914
everything else is good and great and you

1463
00:51:36,375 --> 00:51:38,775
you can be satisfied with that, then you

1464
00:51:38,775 --> 00:51:40,635
can make it through that season together.

1465
00:51:41,734 --> 00:51:44,155
But if you're being shamed for it, if,

1466
00:51:44,855 --> 00:51:46,409
you know, it's not

1467
00:51:47,269 --> 00:51:48,889
an inability due to,

1468
00:51:49,309 --> 00:51:49,809
you

1469
00:51:50,230 --> 00:51:50,730
know,

1470
00:51:51,269 --> 00:51:53,750
the situation that your partner's in, but just

1471
00:51:53,829 --> 00:51:55,510
they just don't want to. Like, you you

1472
00:51:55,510 --> 00:51:57,429
don't get to overcome that. There's no overcoming

1473
00:51:57,429 --> 00:51:58,949
that. There is deciding if you can live

1474
00:51:58,949 --> 00:52:00,570
with it or if you cannot.

1475
00:52:01,855 --> 00:52:04,255
But yeah. Yeah. The and I don't read

1476
00:52:04,255 --> 00:52:06,735
a lot of BDSM specific books, but man

1477
00:52:06,735 --> 00:52:08,434
when I finally read a good one,

1478
00:52:09,215 --> 00:52:11,695
that kink libido kicks back reflected real real

1479
00:52:11,695 --> 00:52:12,755
quick, real hard.

1480
00:52:13,775 --> 00:52:14,275
Okay.

1481
00:52:14,815 --> 00:52:15,269
So

1482
00:52:15,670 --> 00:52:16,809
last one.

1483
00:52:17,349 --> 00:52:18,890
And I think I I

1484
00:52:19,829 --> 00:52:21,989
I know your answer. I know my answer,

1485
00:52:21,989 --> 00:52:24,309
but I know there are folks who ask

1486
00:52:24,309 --> 00:52:25,769
this question to themselves.

1487
00:52:26,390 --> 00:52:27,769
I've been going to munches,

1488
00:52:28,125 --> 00:52:30,704
and now what? I've been involved with BDSM

1489
00:52:30,844 --> 00:52:32,304
for a few years, but not

1490
00:52:32,764 --> 00:52:33,505
but not

1491
00:52:33,885 --> 00:52:35,505
but that was all online

1492
00:52:35,885 --> 00:52:37,965
and very short term dynamics or one off

1493
00:52:37,965 --> 00:52:38,465
things.

1494
00:52:38,844 --> 00:52:40,764
That really wasn't working for me, so following

1495
00:52:40,764 --> 00:52:42,829
the general advice I saw a lot here

1496
00:52:42,829 --> 00:52:44,429
as well as other places, I joined the

1497
00:52:44,429 --> 00:52:46,769
local kink community and started attending a munch.

1498
00:52:46,829 --> 00:52:48,030
I've been doing that for a couple of

1499
00:52:48,030 --> 00:52:49,630
months now and I've been really enjoying it

1500
00:52:49,630 --> 00:52:52,190
from a social aspect, but now what? I'm

1501
00:52:52,190 --> 00:52:53,949
not closer to finding a partner and as

1502
00:52:53,949 --> 00:52:55,625
the sticky post on the group FET page

1503
00:52:55,625 --> 00:52:57,224
says, munches are not the place to pick

1504
00:52:57,224 --> 00:52:57,885
up partners.

1505
00:52:58,184 --> 00:53:00,585
Is there specifically dating focused events I can

1506
00:53:00,585 --> 00:53:02,184
attend or am I going about this in

1507
00:53:02,184 --> 00:53:04,264
completely the wrong way? It feels like I've

1508
00:53:04,264 --> 00:53:05,704
hit a bit of a wall, to be

1509
00:53:05,704 --> 00:53:06,119
honest.

1510
00:53:09,559 --> 00:53:11,019
Go ahead and give our, like,

1511
00:53:11,559 --> 00:53:14,440
basic answer that is so unsatisfying to most

1512
00:53:14,440 --> 00:53:15,740
people. I know.

1513
00:53:17,960 --> 00:53:19,660
They they need to get out there.

1514
00:53:20,465 --> 00:53:22,324
You know? They are out there. But

1515
00:53:23,585 --> 00:53:25,525
Munches are one thing. Mhmm.

1516
00:53:25,905 --> 00:53:26,405
Okay?

1517
00:53:27,425 --> 00:53:29,505
And and munches are great because yes, you

1518
00:53:29,505 --> 00:53:31,184
hang out with people, and you know, you

1519
00:53:31,184 --> 00:53:33,045
have the ability to talk kink and stuff,

1520
00:53:33,105 --> 00:53:33,425
but,

1521
00:53:34,545 --> 00:53:36,000
you know, to I

1522
00:53:36,619 --> 00:53:37,200
I think

1523
00:53:38,700 --> 00:53:40,500
they need to look for parties

1524
00:53:40,940 --> 00:53:43,260
Mhmm. Or whether there is a dungeon Sure.

1525
00:53:43,340 --> 00:53:44,880
In the area and

1526
00:53:45,500 --> 00:53:47,200
and get themselves out there.

1527
00:53:47,694 --> 00:53:49,795
And that's what I mean in that aspect.

1528
00:53:50,014 --> 00:53:52,514
You know, if you're not finding what's working,

1529
00:53:52,734 --> 00:53:55,694
what you want here Mhmm. Okay, but you're

1530
00:53:55,694 --> 00:53:57,775
enjoying the aspect of it, keep it, but,

1531
00:53:57,775 --> 00:53:59,934
you know, you need to branch out to

1532
00:53:59,934 --> 00:54:00,914
other places

1533
00:54:01,480 --> 00:54:03,480
at that point. I mean, that that is

1534
00:54:03,559 --> 00:54:06,200
yes. Definitely seek out all the spaces where

1535
00:54:06,200 --> 00:54:08,519
kink people might be. But the thing that

1536
00:54:08,519 --> 00:54:10,840
struck me was, well, you it's you don't

1537
00:54:10,840 --> 00:54:13,094
put the quarter into the Munch

1538
00:54:13,574 --> 00:54:15,894
machine and out pops a partner. Oh, true.

1539
00:54:15,894 --> 00:54:17,494
Yeah. True. You go to the Munch to

1540
00:54:17,494 --> 00:54:19,655
meet people Mhmm. And to see who you

1541
00:54:19,655 --> 00:54:21,894
get along with just, like, as human beings

1542
00:54:21,894 --> 00:54:23,574
and, oh, these might be friends of mine.

1543
00:54:23,574 --> 00:54:25,574
And we've talked about this before. The comments

1544
00:54:25,574 --> 00:54:27,335
on this post said it multiple times as

1545
00:54:27,335 --> 00:54:29,719
well. It was like, maybe those folks that

1546
00:54:29,719 --> 00:54:31,639
you become friends with end up being people

1547
00:54:31,639 --> 00:54:34,039
that you, you know Right. Get into a

1548
00:54:34,039 --> 00:54:35,659
relationship with. They might just,

1549
00:54:35,960 --> 00:54:36,699
you know,

1550
00:54:37,960 --> 00:54:39,880
introduce you to other kinky friends of theirs

1551
00:54:39,880 --> 00:54:41,480
that you wouldn't meet at the munch. It

1552
00:54:41,480 --> 00:54:43,494
opens up a a a different completely different

1553
00:54:43,494 --> 00:54:45,094
part of the community to you once you

1554
00:54:45,094 --> 00:54:48,295
just legitimately or just make actual friends friends

1555
00:54:48,295 --> 00:54:50,135
with people. I I think I think what

1556
00:54:50,135 --> 00:54:50,954
we have

1557
00:54:51,494 --> 00:54:51,894
is,

1558
00:54:52,775 --> 00:54:54,775
And two months into going to munches, that's

1559
00:54:54,775 --> 00:54:57,675
two munches. You not hadn't met nobody yet.

1560
00:54:57,960 --> 00:54:59,420
Talk about some unrealistic

1561
00:54:59,880 --> 00:55:00,380
expectations.

1562
00:55:01,480 --> 00:55:01,980
Yeah.

1563
00:55:02,440 --> 00:55:04,280
Yeah. You're still new in the munch. The

1564
00:55:04,280 --> 00:55:06,280
the folks who are regulars still haven't decided

1565
00:55:06,280 --> 00:55:07,880
if they like you real good yet or

1566
00:55:07,880 --> 00:55:08,699
not. Right?

1567
00:55:09,559 --> 00:55:11,505
Yeah. The old regulars are watching

1568
00:55:12,464 --> 00:55:13,664
because they're like, I've seen bullshit before. Let

1569
00:55:13,664 --> 00:55:15,585
me watch this one. And they that's a

1570
00:55:15,585 --> 00:55:16,804
thing some people do to everybody,

1571
00:55:17,344 --> 00:55:19,664
not just, you know, certain people. So, yeah,

1572
00:55:19,664 --> 00:55:21,025
two months is nothing in the time of

1573
00:55:21,025 --> 00:55:24,065
munches. And and and you know what? Putting

1574
00:55:24,065 --> 00:55:25,940
those kind of expectations,

1575
00:55:27,519 --> 00:55:29,440
even on yourself to say, you know, well,

1576
00:55:29,440 --> 00:55:31,039
I'm gonna go to this munch one time

1577
00:55:31,039 --> 00:55:32,339
and I'm gonna meet somebody.

1578
00:55:33,199 --> 00:55:33,699
Exactly.

1579
00:55:34,000 --> 00:55:35,679
No. It it it does not work that

1580
00:55:35,679 --> 00:55:37,039
way. It doesn't work that way. And quite

1581
00:55:37,039 --> 00:55:39,139
frankly, going to munches can be

1582
00:55:39,994 --> 00:55:41,994
either through the munch itself, but also a

1583
00:55:41,994 --> 00:55:42,894
gateway into

1584
00:55:43,355 --> 00:55:45,914
learning how to be a better kingster. Right.

1585
00:55:45,914 --> 00:55:47,434
And quite frankly, the thing that will make

1586
00:55:47,434 --> 00:55:49,675
you very attractive to other kingsters is being

1587
00:55:49,675 --> 00:55:52,715
a decent fucking kingster. Right. Being knowledgeable, being

1588
00:55:52,715 --> 00:55:53,215
responsible,

1589
00:55:53,949 --> 00:55:56,030
you know, understanding how to approach people and

1590
00:55:56,030 --> 00:55:57,630
talk to people, and I don't mean from,

1591
00:55:57,630 --> 00:55:59,949
like, a socially, like, acute way, but, like,

1592
00:55:59,949 --> 00:56:01,949
you know, the whole power exchange thing. Like,

1593
00:56:01,949 --> 00:56:03,469
knowing that if you're the dom, you don't

1594
00:56:03,469 --> 00:56:05,730
walk up to anybody and just assume dominance.

1595
00:56:05,789 --> 00:56:08,364
Right? Or if you're a sub, knowing that

1596
00:56:08,364 --> 00:56:10,385
you still get to have strong opinions and,

1597
00:56:10,445 --> 00:56:11,105
you know,

1598
00:56:11,405 --> 00:56:13,085
nobody gets to, like Right. Tell you you

1599
00:56:13,085 --> 00:56:14,765
can't because you're submissive. Those kinds of things.

1600
00:56:14,765 --> 00:56:17,585
Those sort of that part of the the

1601
00:56:19,085 --> 00:56:21,805
social experience of just being a kinkster out

1602
00:56:21,805 --> 00:56:24,630
among other kinksters, because quite frankly there might

1603
00:56:24,630 --> 00:56:25,909
be other people at a munch who are

1604
00:56:25,909 --> 00:56:27,750
like, I too would like a partner, but

1605
00:56:27,750 --> 00:56:29,609
they're waiting to see who

1606
00:56:30,710 --> 00:56:32,309
seems safe, who seems like they know what

1607
00:56:32,309 --> 00:56:35,269
they're doing, or, you know, who appeals to

1608
00:56:35,269 --> 00:56:38,094
them. And somebody might might you might appeal

1609
00:56:38,094 --> 00:56:39,934
to somebody, but they're waiting to see, do

1610
00:56:39,934 --> 00:56:41,474
they know what the fuck they're doing,

1611
00:56:41,855 --> 00:56:43,534
or are they gonna come back this much?

1612
00:56:43,534 --> 00:56:45,855
How many munches did we go to where

1613
00:56:45,855 --> 00:56:47,855
somebody would come once and for all kinds

1614
00:56:47,855 --> 00:56:50,309
of reasons, work, comfortable ability,

1615
00:56:50,609 --> 00:56:52,210
maybe they moved, like, all kinds of fucking

1616
00:56:52,210 --> 00:56:54,150
reasons. They never came back. Yeah.

1617
00:56:54,449 --> 00:56:56,369
So And see, I I I missed the

1618
00:56:56,369 --> 00:56:59,109
part about only having been to two munches

1619
00:56:59,569 --> 00:57:01,010
thus far. Two months is what they said,

1620
00:57:01,010 --> 00:57:03,329
but I know that typically is about That's

1621
00:57:03,329 --> 00:57:05,214
about two months is because they, know, every

1622
00:57:05,214 --> 00:57:06,414
month Once a month. Every once in a

1623
00:57:06,414 --> 00:57:08,014
while, you'll find something like every couple of

1624
00:57:08,014 --> 00:57:09,934
weeks or something. But And and even that,

1625
00:57:09,934 --> 00:57:12,094
you know, I I say go into the

1626
00:57:12,094 --> 00:57:14,414
dungeons and stuff to meet, but it it

1627
00:57:14,414 --> 00:57:15,554
sounds like

1628
00:57:17,390 --> 00:57:17,890
they're

1629
00:57:19,869 --> 00:57:20,769
on the prowl.

1630
00:57:21,630 --> 00:57:22,910
And that's the other thing. If you were

1631
00:57:22,910 --> 00:57:24,910
giving up giving off the vibe that you

1632
00:57:24,910 --> 00:57:26,670
were on the prowl Right. Nobody's gonna invite

1633
00:57:26,670 --> 00:57:28,510
you to their party Exactly. Unless they too

1634
00:57:28,510 --> 00:57:30,605
are on prowl. Yeah. Do you remember the

1635
00:57:30,605 --> 00:57:32,445
guy that gave I I think he ended

1636
00:57:32,445 --> 00:57:34,045
up being okay. He just must have been

1637
00:57:34,045 --> 00:57:36,204
socially awkward. He gave off the vibe of

1638
00:57:36,204 --> 00:57:37,425
being on the prowl

1639
00:57:37,885 --> 00:57:40,284
because if you were if you were kind

1640
00:57:40,284 --> 00:57:41,489
of new, he wanted to invite

1641
00:57:42,610 --> 00:57:44,610
you to the next party. And I was

1642
00:57:44,610 --> 00:57:46,150
like, bitch, I don't I don't know you.

1643
00:57:46,289 --> 00:57:47,269
I'm not going to the stranger's

1644
00:57:48,130 --> 00:57:50,289
house. Right. I'm just sitting here for an

1645
00:57:50,289 --> 00:57:51,889
hour with one another. It it did feel

1646
00:57:51,889 --> 00:57:55,190
very problematic. What what they need to do

1647
00:57:56,684 --> 00:57:59,184
is go to these things to have fun.

1648
00:57:59,244 --> 00:58:01,805
Right. To seek community. You know? Not to

1649
00:58:01,805 --> 00:58:03,805
have an end result in mind. Right. You

1650
00:58:03,805 --> 00:58:06,465
know, go go there and and, you know,

1651
00:58:07,164 --> 00:58:09,570
yes, meet people, make friends, you know, but

1652
00:58:09,650 --> 00:58:11,969
you you can talk, you can learn. But

1653
00:58:11,969 --> 00:58:14,930
also making friends takes time, especially in a

1654
00:58:14,930 --> 00:58:16,289
day and age where most of us are

1655
00:58:16,289 --> 00:58:18,449
connected to our phones. If you have your

1656
00:58:18,449 --> 00:58:20,050
group of people that you know you can

1657
00:58:20,050 --> 00:58:20,550
trust,

1658
00:58:21,010 --> 00:58:22,704
you know, it's not not always easy to

1659
00:58:22,704 --> 00:58:24,385
allow somebody new in. Mhmm.

1660
00:58:24,784 --> 00:58:27,264
I, as a person who does not do

1661
00:58:27,264 --> 00:58:28,644
well in social situations,

1662
00:58:30,304 --> 00:58:32,945
both experienced it myself but also watched, because

1663
00:58:32,945 --> 00:58:34,110
I love to people watch.

1664
00:58:34,670 --> 00:58:37,869
It sometimes takes being really consistent and showing

1665
00:58:37,869 --> 00:58:40,030
up certainly more than to two munches for

1666
00:58:40,030 --> 00:58:41,789
two months. But you gotta kind of be

1667
00:58:41,789 --> 00:58:44,110
there long enough to all almost get treated

1668
00:58:44,110 --> 00:58:46,590
like a regular. Like regulars, that's a different,

1669
00:58:46,590 --> 00:58:46,934
like,

1670
00:58:47,494 --> 00:58:49,355
level in the social hierarchy.

1671
00:58:49,655 --> 00:58:51,494
But if you're going often enough that the

1672
00:58:51,494 --> 00:58:54,614
regulars are acknowledging you, you have a shared

1673
00:58:54,614 --> 00:58:55,114
thing

1674
00:58:55,494 --> 00:58:57,894
because of the last month y'all were both

1675
00:58:57,894 --> 00:58:59,494
at. And that doesn't mean you go to

1676
00:58:59,494 --> 00:59:01,335
every single one and, you know, never miss

1677
00:59:01,335 --> 00:59:02,535
one. That's not what I'm talking about. It's

1678
00:59:02,535 --> 00:59:03,619
a it's

1679
00:59:04,079 --> 00:59:07,460
a a duration of being present, showing up,

1680
00:59:07,519 --> 00:59:09,440
proving that you are not creepy or on

1681
00:59:09,440 --> 00:59:11,619
the prowl or gross. Because two two months

1682
00:59:11,679 --> 00:59:14,000
in in a at a munch, if you

1683
00:59:14,000 --> 00:59:16,099
have a a solid community,

1684
00:59:17,094 --> 00:59:19,655
yeah, they're not gonna invite you to parties

1685
00:59:19,655 --> 00:59:21,035
and stuff at, you know, community.

1686
00:59:21,655 --> 00:59:23,894
Whole community's vibe is we're just always here

1687
00:59:23,894 --> 00:59:25,015
to party and we don't care about the

1688
00:59:25,015 --> 00:59:27,255
rest of it. Right. Those communities exist. True.

1689
00:59:27,255 --> 00:59:27,655
True.

1690
00:59:28,375 --> 00:59:30,150
And maybe that's the problem. Maybe this person

1691
00:59:30,150 --> 00:59:31,510
needs to try and find that kind of

1692
00:59:31,510 --> 00:59:33,190
community and they don't live where there's that

1693
00:59:33,190 --> 00:59:33,929
kind of community.

1694
00:59:34,630 --> 00:59:37,289
Yeah. I personally as a person who

1695
00:59:38,869 --> 00:59:40,170
nope, don't like that,

1696
00:59:40,550 --> 00:59:41,909
would not be impressed with that kind of

1697
00:59:42,069 --> 00:59:43,510
that wouldn't be the community for me. I'd

1698
00:59:43,510 --> 00:59:44,835
be like, y'all have a good time with

1699
00:59:44,835 --> 00:59:46,355
that. I wanna go just talk to people

1700
00:59:46,355 --> 00:59:47,715
who wanted to eat their french fries and

1701
00:59:47,715 --> 00:59:49,894
geek out over shit. Like, I just wanna

1702
00:59:50,114 --> 00:59:52,034
I don't want that pressure. Right? The other

1703
00:59:52,034 --> 00:59:52,934
thing though is,

1704
00:59:54,994 --> 00:59:57,315
there are kinky dating apps if what you're

1705
00:59:57,315 --> 00:59:59,414
looking for specifically is a partner.

1706
00:59:59,789 --> 01:00:01,949
Hell, people use non kinky dating apps and

1707
01:00:01,949 --> 01:00:03,010
just say they're kinky

1708
01:00:03,550 --> 01:00:06,429
and somehow, you know, find each other. So

1709
01:00:06,429 --> 01:00:07,869
if it really is I just want to

1710
01:00:07,869 --> 01:00:10,130
find a partner I can fuck around with,

1711
01:00:12,030 --> 01:00:13,605
go get on a dating app and just

1712
01:00:13,605 --> 01:00:15,545
put that you're kinky in your bio

1713
01:00:16,085 --> 01:00:17,945
and see where that fucking takes you.

1714
01:00:19,525 --> 01:00:21,364
But, yeah, you know, that's not enough a

1715
01:00:21,364 --> 01:00:22,965
couple months is not enough time No. To

1716
01:00:22,965 --> 01:00:24,724
be in the community and No. For anything

1717
01:00:24,724 --> 01:00:26,184
to lead anywhere, especially

1718
01:00:27,260 --> 01:00:29,420
if if you genuinely if your goal is

1719
01:00:29,420 --> 01:00:31,500
generally to to meet a partner that's maybe

1720
01:00:31,500 --> 01:00:32,800
gonna be a long term partner,

1721
01:00:34,780 --> 01:00:36,159
I know it's a very dissatisfying,

1722
01:00:37,099 --> 01:00:39,900
approach, but just go make friends. Yep. Yep.

1723
01:00:39,900 --> 01:00:41,760
See where that leads you because quite frankly,

1724
01:00:41,925 --> 01:00:44,164
the friends I mean, I we came I

1725
01:00:44,164 --> 01:00:46,005
came into your community and we were together,

1726
01:00:46,005 --> 01:00:47,625
so I wasn't looking for no damn body.

1727
01:00:47,765 --> 01:00:49,525
But getting to know just two or three

1728
01:00:49,525 --> 01:00:51,304
people within that local community

1729
01:00:51,765 --> 01:00:53,925
allowed me to meet in other ways at

1730
01:00:53,925 --> 01:00:56,489
other times, get introduced to other people. Because

1731
01:00:56,489 --> 01:00:58,090
there would be people who almost never got

1732
01:00:58,090 --> 01:00:59,610
to come to the munch. It conflicted with

1733
01:00:59,610 --> 01:01:01,210
work or something. Mhmm. But they would go

1734
01:01:01,210 --> 01:01:02,809
to the Friday night or the Saturday night

1735
01:01:02,809 --> 01:01:04,969
parties. And so the person I made friends

1736
01:01:04,969 --> 01:01:05,469
with

1737
01:01:05,930 --> 01:01:07,469
in the daytime munch

1738
01:01:07,875 --> 01:01:09,795
who liked me, genuinely liked me and I

1739
01:01:09,795 --> 01:01:11,715
genuinely liked them, would be real quick to

1740
01:01:11,715 --> 01:01:14,275
go, oh, you haven't met this person who

1741
01:01:14,275 --> 01:01:15,875
would never come to the munch, but they

1742
01:01:15,875 --> 01:01:16,855
went to the party

1743
01:01:17,315 --> 01:01:18,994
because they trusted me enough and they're like,

1744
01:01:18,994 --> 01:01:21,235
no, no, you're you're cool enough, I'll introduce

1745
01:01:21,235 --> 01:01:23,239
you to my other friends. That's how some

1746
01:01:23,239 --> 01:01:25,019
of this works. True. You know?

1747
01:01:25,340 --> 01:01:25,840
True.

1748
01:01:26,160 --> 01:01:26,660
True.

1749
01:01:26,980 --> 01:01:27,480
True.

1750
01:01:29,000 --> 01:01:30,460
But yeah. You know?

1751
01:01:32,359 --> 01:01:32,859
It's

1752
01:01:33,400 --> 01:01:35,239
if you treat the munch like, I know

1753
01:01:35,239 --> 01:01:37,224
I can't get a date from here, but

1754
01:01:37,224 --> 01:01:38,985
I want I have this goal. I'm here

1755
01:01:38,985 --> 01:01:40,525
to accomplish it. Mhmm.

1756
01:01:40,985 --> 01:01:43,144
You know, I sometimes it gives off a

1757
01:01:43,144 --> 01:01:45,945
vibe. Yes. Indeed. It's also gonna always be

1758
01:01:45,945 --> 01:01:48,105
dissatisfying because this stuff moves slower. People want

1759
01:01:48,105 --> 01:01:49,079
it to have happened yesterday,

1760
01:01:51,960 --> 01:01:52,460
Nope.

1761
01:01:53,880 --> 01:01:56,059
The the most dissatisfying thing

1762
01:01:56,440 --> 01:01:58,440
that I have experienced that I had to

1763
01:01:58,440 --> 01:02:00,039
explain to the 20 year old and then

1764
01:02:00,039 --> 01:02:02,264
he experienced it and he realized that sometimes

1765
01:02:02,264 --> 01:02:03,565
your mother knows things,

1766
01:02:04,585 --> 01:02:05,964
is that the

1767
01:02:06,424 --> 01:02:08,664
the lightning in a bottle kind of I

1768
01:02:08,664 --> 01:02:11,244
met a person I can see myself with

1769
01:02:11,784 --> 01:02:12,525
long term

1770
01:02:14,589 --> 01:02:17,730
Tense, not always, but often happens when you

1771
01:02:17,949 --> 01:02:18,449
genuinely

1772
01:02:19,069 --> 01:02:21,150
least expect it. When you weren't looking for

1773
01:02:21,150 --> 01:02:22,829
it, when you maybe didn't want it, when

1774
01:02:22,829 --> 01:02:25,150
it didn't matter to you. The harder you

1775
01:02:25,150 --> 01:02:27,485
try for something like that, you either don't

1776
01:02:27,485 --> 01:02:30,285
find anybody or you find the dregs of

1777
01:02:30,285 --> 01:02:31,184
our kink society.

1778
01:02:31,565 --> 01:02:33,405
You find the worst of the worst. When

1779
01:02:33,405 --> 01:02:34,945
when I was younger, I was

1780
01:02:35,485 --> 01:02:36,704
single for,

1781
01:02:37,565 --> 01:02:39,744
you know, a good bit. Mhmm. And,

1782
01:02:42,780 --> 01:02:44,780
I just went out and enjoyed myself. I

1783
01:02:44,780 --> 01:02:46,460
mean, I went out to dinner by myself,

1784
01:02:46,460 --> 01:02:48,239
went to movies, I even went to concerts.

1785
01:02:48,380 --> 01:02:49,360
Sure. You know,

1786
01:02:50,059 --> 01:02:51,980
I looked at it this way, I just

1787
01:02:51,980 --> 01:02:54,300
because I'm not with somebody, I'm not gonna

1788
01:02:54,300 --> 01:02:55,664
miss out on life. I'm not gonna miss

1789
01:02:55,664 --> 01:02:57,525
out on doing the things I enjoy.

1790
01:02:58,224 --> 01:02:58,724
Right.

1791
01:02:59,105 --> 01:03:01,445
And also there's kind of a confidence that

1792
01:03:01,505 --> 01:03:03,184
even if you're not feeling it, you're projecting

1793
01:03:03,184 --> 01:03:04,324
from that. You've just

1794
01:03:04,625 --> 01:03:06,065
I'll use this person as an example. They

1795
01:03:06,065 --> 01:03:07,364
went to the munch. They

1796
01:03:07,910 --> 01:03:09,510
ordered a meal or a coffee or whatever

1797
01:03:09,510 --> 01:03:11,750
the place was, and they got into casual

1798
01:03:11,750 --> 01:03:13,750
conversation with people where it was appropriate, and

1799
01:03:13,750 --> 01:03:14,730
they just existed.

1800
01:03:15,110 --> 01:03:17,190
And they weren't like, who can I make

1801
01:03:17,190 --> 01:03:18,789
friends with? Who haven't I said hi to

1802
01:03:18,789 --> 01:03:21,704
yet? You know, that that alone will sometimes

1803
01:03:21,704 --> 01:03:23,704
it'll take a while. It'll take a while.

1804
01:03:23,704 --> 01:03:25,785
We are now officially kind of a, you

1805
01:03:25,785 --> 01:03:26,605
know, culture,

1806
01:03:26,985 --> 01:03:29,465
Western culture at least, that doesn't have a

1807
01:03:29,465 --> 01:03:31,305
lot of third spaces anymore, places where you

1808
01:03:31,305 --> 01:03:33,305
go to connect with community. Munches are a

1809
01:03:33,305 --> 01:03:35,565
100% that. Dungeons, play parties,

1810
01:03:36,090 --> 01:03:36,590
community

1811
01:03:37,210 --> 01:03:39,849
areas for kinksters are our third spaces. If

1812
01:03:39,849 --> 01:03:41,369
you don't know what that term means, quick

1813
01:03:41,369 --> 01:03:42,829
Google should explain it.

1814
01:03:43,849 --> 01:03:46,010
But most of us are out of practice

1815
01:03:46,010 --> 01:03:47,690
of how what it means to just make

1816
01:03:47,690 --> 01:03:49,530
friends and connect with people who aren't through

1817
01:03:49,530 --> 01:03:50,525
our screen, And

1818
01:03:50,944 --> 01:03:51,444
that

1819
01:03:51,864 --> 01:03:52,444
shit takes

1820
01:03:52,984 --> 01:03:54,545
time because all of us are waiting to

1821
01:03:54,545 --> 01:03:55,724
see if everybody else that's

1822
01:03:56,105 --> 01:03:58,344
we're not familiar with is the real deal.

1823
01:03:58,344 --> 01:04:00,184
Every one of us on some level is

1824
01:04:00,184 --> 01:04:01,864
like, are they gonna show back up again,

1825
01:04:01,864 --> 01:04:02,219
or

1826
01:04:03,019 --> 01:04:04,859
are they okay? Are they safe? Or do

1827
01:04:04,859 --> 01:04:06,619
I connect to them? Do am I getting

1828
01:04:06,619 --> 01:04:07,900
a vibe off of you know what I

1829
01:04:07,900 --> 01:04:08,400
mean?

1830
01:04:08,780 --> 01:04:09,920
And it's an imperfect,

1831
01:04:10,539 --> 01:04:11,679
messy, squishy,

1832
01:04:12,059 --> 01:04:12,559
nonscientific

1833
01:04:13,340 --> 01:04:14,559
thing of

1834
01:04:15,099 --> 01:04:17,679
people getting to know one another and deciding,

1835
01:04:18,405 --> 01:04:19,925
sure, I'll hang out with you. Sure, I

1836
01:04:19,925 --> 01:04:22,164
like you. Sure, you can come back. You

1837
01:04:22,164 --> 01:04:22,905
know what I mean?

1838
01:04:23,844 --> 01:04:24,344
Whatever.

1839
01:04:24,965 --> 01:04:27,125
But it you know? I think if it

1840
01:04:27,125 --> 01:04:29,204
ever happens quickly and easily for you, I

1841
01:04:29,204 --> 01:04:30,819
need you to understand how lucky lucky you

1842
01:04:30,819 --> 01:04:33,480
are because that is not everybody's experience.

1843
01:04:34,019 --> 01:04:36,659
Right. It was very satisfying to talk through

1844
01:04:36,659 --> 01:04:38,500
the 20 year old who was having an

1845
01:04:38,500 --> 01:04:39,639
existential crisis

1846
01:04:40,500 --> 01:04:42,199
about, you know, being lonely

1847
01:04:42,500 --> 01:04:43,559
and, you know,

1848
01:04:43,965 --> 01:04:46,125
wanting a partner that they could, you know,

1849
01:04:46,125 --> 01:04:48,525
connect with whatever, whatever. And I did the

1850
01:04:48,525 --> 01:04:50,845
whole speech of it. When it happens, it's

1851
01:04:50,845 --> 01:04:52,204
gonna come out of nowhere. It will be

1852
01:04:52,204 --> 01:04:54,445
when you least expect it. And then currently,

1853
01:04:54,445 --> 01:04:56,065
damn if that's not how it happened.

1854
01:04:56,684 --> 01:04:58,219
And I did get the,

1855
01:04:58,519 --> 01:05:00,199
you right, mom. You right. I was like,

1856
01:05:00,199 --> 01:05:01,019
thank you.

1857
01:05:01,960 --> 01:05:03,260
Write that on the calendar.

1858
01:05:04,360 --> 01:05:06,039
But it is the dissatisfying answer because a

1859
01:05:06,039 --> 01:05:07,400
lot of us think, oh, but if I

1860
01:05:07,400 --> 01:05:10,514
just complete this five step plan

1861
01:05:11,215 --> 01:05:12,734
and I check all the things off the

1862
01:05:12,734 --> 01:05:14,434
to do list, ta da, I have

1863
01:05:15,295 --> 01:05:15,795
completed

1864
01:05:16,574 --> 01:05:19,454
partner. You know? I have completed relationship. Gee,

1865
01:05:19,454 --> 01:05:21,054
it's only gonna work that way. I will

1866
01:05:21,054 --> 01:05:23,989
put my my coins in the partner's, you

1867
01:05:23,989 --> 01:05:25,909
know, machine and one will pop out. I

1868
01:05:25,909 --> 01:05:28,150
put in the, appropriate behaviors. I went to

1869
01:05:28,150 --> 01:05:30,309
the right places and, boom, here they are.

1870
01:05:30,309 --> 01:05:31,289
And no.

1871
01:05:31,670 --> 01:05:32,170
No.

1872
01:05:33,030 --> 01:05:35,030
No. No. Nothing. None of it works that

1873
01:05:35,030 --> 01:05:35,530
way.

1874
01:05:36,630 --> 01:05:37,130
So

1875
01:05:39,164 --> 01:05:40,065
yeah. Yep.

1876
01:05:41,325 --> 01:05:42,925
Anyway Any of it. That was the last

1877
01:05:42,925 --> 01:05:44,385
one. Okay. So,

1878
01:05:46,765 --> 01:05:48,285
thanks to Silent Wing for the one you

1879
01:05:48,285 --> 01:05:49,985
sent that you had forgotten you sent.

1880
01:05:50,605 --> 01:05:52,559
I have seen the one Silent has already

1881
01:05:52,559 --> 01:05:54,159
sent me as well. Hey. If you are

1882
01:05:54,159 --> 01:05:54,659
on

1883
01:05:55,119 --> 01:05:57,519
the kinky side of subreddit or subreddit. The

1884
01:05:57,519 --> 01:05:59,119
kinky side of Reddit on some of those

1885
01:05:59,119 --> 01:06:01,920
subreddits or kinky questions come up in places

1886
01:06:01,920 --> 01:06:03,279
you did not expect them to, feel free

1887
01:06:03,279 --> 01:06:05,440
to send them because I will a 100%

1888
01:06:05,440 --> 01:06:06,344
compile them

1889
01:06:07,385 --> 01:06:07,885
together

1890
01:06:08,425 --> 01:06:10,045
to make another episode.

1891
01:06:10,664 --> 01:06:10,984
Same.

1892
01:06:11,704 --> 01:06:13,324
We did this one today because

1893
01:06:14,505 --> 01:06:16,284
the week's been a doozy already.

1894
01:06:16,905 --> 01:06:19,025
I needed something easy. And this was Yeah.

1895
01:06:19,025 --> 01:06:21,549
It has. Yeah. It has. So now, Lola

1896
01:06:21,549 --> 01:06:24,030
seems satisfied with some attention. Yep. She's getting

1897
01:06:24,030 --> 01:06:26,109
she's getting head scritches. Yeah. And we can

1898
01:06:26,109 --> 01:06:27,809
go into a bonus section.

1899
01:06:28,750 --> 01:06:30,289
Please don't knock into the

1900
01:06:31,710 --> 01:06:33,409
oh. Oh, the camera. Oh, gosh.

1901
01:06:33,824 --> 01:06:34,324
Okay.

1902
01:06:37,105 --> 01:06:38,864
She look. She's a menace, but she's our

1903
01:06:38,864 --> 01:06:41,505
menace. That's true. Mhmm. And and I love

1904
01:06:41,505 --> 01:06:43,824
that menace. Right now? Alright. So are we

1905
01:06:43,824 --> 01:06:45,445
good? Sure. Why not?

1906
01:06:46,380 --> 01:06:48,139
Keep it kinky, y'all. And we'll see you

1907
01:06:48,139 --> 01:06:48,799
next week.

1908
01:06:58,859 --> 01:06:59,359
Howdy.

1909
01:06:59,765 --> 01:07:01,125
Yes, baby girl. Can we talk to the

1910
01:07:01,125 --> 01:07:02,184
crickets? Sure.

1911
01:07:02,485 --> 01:07:02,985
Okay.

1912
01:07:03,445 --> 01:07:04,505
I'm very tired.

1913
01:07:05,445 --> 01:07:07,385
A lot of that going around. Yeah.

1914
01:07:07,925 --> 01:07:09,605
Part of it, I didn't we didn't sleep

1915
01:07:09,605 --> 01:07:10,505
in this weekend

1916
01:07:10,965 --> 01:07:13,364
because my mother is up and moving at

1917
01:07:13,364 --> 01:07:14,425
very early times.

1918
01:07:15,140 --> 01:07:16,980
And I I think I've gotten to see

1919
01:07:16,980 --> 01:07:18,820
her every day she was in town. She

1920
01:07:18,820 --> 01:07:19,880
came in on Thursday,

1921
01:07:20,180 --> 01:07:20,920
my birthday,

1922
01:07:21,700 --> 01:07:22,599
and is leaving

1923
01:07:23,380 --> 01:07:25,460
tomorrow day after the the recording on the

1924
01:07:25,460 --> 01:07:25,960
stream

1925
01:07:26,260 --> 01:07:28,500
Thursday, but we won't see her tonight, Wednesday

1926
01:07:28,500 --> 01:07:29,000
night,

1927
01:07:29,300 --> 01:07:31,025
because she sticks close

1928
01:07:31,405 --> 01:07:33,565
to home slash her sister's house right before

1929
01:07:33,565 --> 01:07:36,204
she travels. Yeah. She's washing her laundry. She's

1930
01:07:36,204 --> 01:07:38,364
gassing up her car. She washed her car.

1931
01:07:38,364 --> 01:07:40,364
I'm very happy for her. But if we're

1932
01:07:40,364 --> 01:07:42,125
gonna do something with her, she's like, I'll

1933
01:07:42,125 --> 01:07:43,984
be there around eight. I'm like,

1934
01:07:44,605 --> 01:07:45,105
okay.

1935
01:07:45,510 --> 01:07:46,010
But

1936
01:07:46,630 --> 01:07:47,449
she's not

1937
01:07:47,829 --> 01:07:48,809
overly judgy.

1938
01:07:49,110 --> 01:07:50,789
But if she waltzed in this house at

1939
01:07:50,789 --> 01:07:52,789
8AM and I was still in my pajamas

1940
01:07:52,789 --> 01:07:54,250
and had sleep in my eye,

1941
01:07:55,349 --> 01:07:57,429
I I would get side eye and a

1942
01:07:57,429 --> 01:07:57,929
comment.

1943
01:07:58,295 --> 01:08:00,215
So I've been waking up either at our

1944
01:08:00,215 --> 01:08:02,555
typical time, even on the weekend, or earlier

1945
01:08:03,015 --> 01:08:04,375
and making sure I've had a shower, I

1946
01:08:04,375 --> 01:08:06,055
put my clothes on. When she walks in

1947
01:08:06,055 --> 01:08:07,335
the door, we can do whatever the fuck

1948
01:08:07,335 --> 01:08:08,934
she wants. What do we do? We sit

1949
01:08:08,934 --> 01:08:10,535
for two or three hours and talk, which

1950
01:08:10,535 --> 01:08:11,755
is a wonderful thing,

1951
01:08:12,190 --> 01:08:13,650
But also it's like I

1952
01:08:14,030 --> 01:08:16,210
ran around and got the shower in

1953
01:08:16,590 --> 01:08:18,829
early, and I'm ready to go someplace and

1954
01:08:18,829 --> 01:08:20,289
I haven't gone anywhere. Excuse

1955
01:08:21,869 --> 01:08:23,710
me. Sorry. Went down the wrong way. It

1956
01:08:23,710 --> 01:08:25,664
will clearly just have a sip of water.

1957
01:08:26,284 --> 01:08:28,045
It was because of the water that Oh,

1958
01:08:28,045 --> 01:08:30,864
okay. The water betrayed you? Mhmm. Mhmm.

1959
01:08:32,765 --> 01:08:33,265
Okay.

1960
01:08:34,525 --> 01:08:36,284
Mhmm. So yeah. I mean, I don't mind

1961
01:08:36,284 --> 01:08:37,965
so much because when You were already fucking

1962
01:08:37,965 --> 01:08:39,530
up. Well, I'm already up. And she brings

1963
01:08:39,530 --> 01:08:40,810
coffee most of the time. Most of the

1964
01:08:40,810 --> 01:08:42,170
time. Yeah. Yeah. I had to stop her.

1965
01:08:42,170 --> 01:08:43,530
I was like, mom, it's been, like, two

1966
01:08:43,530 --> 01:08:44,729
or three days in a row. We're good.

1967
01:08:44,729 --> 01:08:46,650
We're good. We have coffee here. It's fine.

1968
01:08:46,650 --> 01:08:49,130
I said, if you wanna get something, cool.

1969
01:08:49,130 --> 01:08:50,989
Feel free. But you don't have to.

1970
01:08:52,244 --> 01:08:53,864
But, yeah, I've also

1971
01:08:54,244 --> 01:08:55,765
I don't I don't know if I'll ever

1972
01:08:55,765 --> 01:08:57,204
come to terms with it, but I am

1973
01:08:57,204 --> 01:08:57,704
calmer

1974
01:08:58,164 --> 01:08:59,145
about the reality

1975
01:08:59,845 --> 01:09:00,345
that

1976
01:09:00,725 --> 01:09:03,604
I don't know how to pivot when my

1977
01:09:03,604 --> 01:09:04,664
typical routine

1978
01:09:05,204 --> 01:09:08,070
is disrupted. Yeah. I just have to swim

1979
01:09:08,070 --> 01:09:09,689
in the discomfort of

1980
01:09:11,189 --> 01:09:12,710
this is not how my days go, and

1981
01:09:12,710 --> 01:09:13,989
I don't know what to do with myself.

1982
01:09:13,989 --> 01:09:15,829
So, like, when my mom is around or

1983
01:09:15,829 --> 01:09:16,890
when we had activities,

1984
01:09:17,270 --> 01:09:19,603
I'm invested in the activities. We're doing the

1985
01:09:19,603 --> 01:09:21,749
thing. Mhmm. But when she was gone and

1986
01:09:21,749 --> 01:09:23,656
it was like a weird part of the

1987
01:09:23,656 --> 01:09:25,564
day, and I had done the activity, and

1988
01:09:25,564 --> 01:09:27,471
now I had, like, four or five hours

1989
01:09:27,471 --> 01:09:29,379
left of, like, I could be doing something.

1990
01:09:29,379 --> 01:09:31,286
My brain was like, we don't know what

1991
01:09:31,286 --> 01:09:33,194
to do. This is not when we start

1992
01:09:33,194 --> 01:09:35,340
our work day. We that was hours ago.

1993
01:09:35,340 --> 01:09:37,579
This is like, what is I don't know

1994
01:09:37,579 --> 01:09:38,639
what to do.

1995
01:09:39,340 --> 01:09:39,840
So

1996
01:09:40,300 --> 01:09:42,319
I just sort of embraced it and went,

1997
01:09:42,539 --> 01:09:44,219
we're gonna do the bare minimum this week,

1998
01:09:44,219 --> 01:09:46,219
and it's gonna be fine. It's gonna be

1999
01:09:46,219 --> 01:09:47,359
fine. We are not

2000
01:09:48,460 --> 01:09:50,159
brain surgeons around here.

2001
01:09:50,765 --> 01:09:51,824
Nothing we do

2002
01:09:52,204 --> 01:09:53,505
constitutes an emergency.

2003
01:09:55,005 --> 01:09:58,125
Nothing we do is like life or limb.

2004
01:09:58,125 --> 01:09:58,864
Like nobody

2005
01:09:59,244 --> 01:10:01,324
will needs us to keep them alive. You

2006
01:10:01,324 --> 01:10:03,164
know what I mean? Like it's it'll be

2007
01:10:03,164 --> 01:10:04,864
fine if I just do the bare minimum.

2008
01:10:05,880 --> 01:10:08,860
And then tomorrow, day after recording, because we

2009
01:10:10,280 --> 01:10:13,320
make poor decisions in the past for future

2010
01:10:13,320 --> 01:10:13,820
us,

2011
01:10:14,920 --> 01:10:16,680
we will get up at, what, five something?

2012
01:10:16,680 --> 01:10:18,604
Yeah. We'll roll into the car. We have

2013
01:10:18,765 --> 01:10:20,045
we have to get blood work done every

2014
01:10:20,045 --> 01:10:22,145
six months because we're old and on medications,

2015
01:10:22,445 --> 01:10:23,965
and because we have a doctor's appointment coming

2016
01:10:23,965 --> 01:10:25,805
up. But we do it they're fasted blood

2017
01:10:25,805 --> 01:10:27,645
tests, so we do them as early as

2018
01:10:27,645 --> 01:10:30,225
the place will let us. Well, that's 6AM.

2019
01:10:30,525 --> 01:10:31,025
Yep.

2020
01:10:32,840 --> 01:10:34,460
And it's a twenty minute drive,

2021
01:10:34,840 --> 01:10:36,920
and you gotta have time to, like, open

2022
01:10:36,920 --> 01:10:39,079
your eyeballs and put clothing on and, you

2023
01:10:39,079 --> 01:10:39,579
know,

2024
01:10:40,119 --> 01:10:42,279
not Lot of stuff. Yeah. Not, you know,

2025
01:10:42,279 --> 01:10:44,619
be committing a crime by showing up naked.

2026
01:10:45,079 --> 01:10:45,979
And so

2027
01:10:46,519 --> 01:10:48,295
it's not like a wake up five minutes

2028
01:10:48,295 --> 01:10:50,234
before you gotta be there kinda thing.

2029
01:10:51,014 --> 01:10:53,034
And we did that to ourselves. Mhmm.

2030
01:10:53,654 --> 01:10:55,014
So I asked JB. I was like, this

2031
01:10:55,014 --> 01:10:56,774
weekend, no matter what we have planned, can

2032
01:10:56,774 --> 01:10:58,774
can I can we sleep in? Oh, yeah.

2033
01:10:58,774 --> 01:11:00,215
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Please, please, can we

2034
01:11:00,215 --> 01:11:03,175
sleep in? Please. Please. I just wanna sleep

2035
01:11:03,175 --> 01:11:03,329
in.

2036
01:11:04,930 --> 01:11:05,750
In. So

2037
01:11:09,090 --> 01:11:11,649
Yep. But yeah. So it's been quiet other

2038
01:11:11,649 --> 01:11:14,050
than that. Mhmm. I was just watching Lola

2039
01:11:14,050 --> 01:11:15,729
a minute ago. She was doing her little

2040
01:11:15,729 --> 01:11:18,755
tail chase. Oh, gosh. She's got the quintessential

2041
01:11:18,815 --> 01:11:20,994
pity ears going where they're both flopped forward

2042
01:11:21,215 --> 01:11:24,175
a little bit. Mhmm. Oh, good. She's also

2043
01:11:24,175 --> 01:11:26,735
licking my bubble wrap. That no. Oh, she's

2044
01:11:26,735 --> 01:11:28,895
in a nibbly state. She's nibbling my bubble

2045
01:11:28,895 --> 01:11:29,395
wrap.

2046
01:11:29,935 --> 01:11:31,770
Mhmm. No. Really. Please don't nibble my bubble

2047
01:11:31,770 --> 01:11:32,510
wrap, ma'am.

2048
01:11:33,449 --> 01:11:34,970
You got all your toys over there. You

2049
01:11:34,970 --> 01:11:36,970
can nibble your toys. The other night we're

2050
01:11:36,970 --> 01:11:38,810
sitting on the couch together and she started

2051
01:11:38,810 --> 01:11:42,170
doing those pity nibbles on blanket. On her

2052
01:11:42,170 --> 01:11:44,329
blanket that's covered in fur. She does not

2053
01:11:44,329 --> 01:11:45,930
usually get under it. She does not usually

2054
01:11:45,930 --> 01:11:47,505
nibble on it. She usually plants her ass

2055
01:11:47,505 --> 01:11:49,104
on it. And I was like, why are

2056
01:11:49,104 --> 01:11:50,485
you nibbling it now?

2057
01:11:55,345 --> 01:11:57,345
So, yeah, she's was very happy to see

2058
01:11:57,345 --> 01:12:00,164
my mother. Oh, yeah. Typical kind of, like,

2059
01:12:00,739 --> 01:12:03,060
stereotypical kind of that's my grandma kind of

2060
01:12:03,060 --> 01:12:03,560
behavior,

2061
01:12:03,860 --> 01:12:05,159
following my mother around.

2062
01:12:05,539 --> 01:12:07,220
Yeah. When she when my mom would give

2063
01:12:07,220 --> 01:12:08,900
her attention, which was as often as she

2064
01:12:08,900 --> 01:12:10,680
could, my mom loves animals,

2065
01:12:11,140 --> 01:12:13,364
she'd be given Lola attention, and Lola would

2066
01:12:13,364 --> 01:12:14,984
be looking up at her with pure,

2067
01:12:15,444 --> 01:12:18,005
like, adoration in her eyes. Like, I love

2068
01:12:18,005 --> 01:12:19,684
you, and I love nobody else as much

2069
01:12:19,684 --> 01:12:21,045
as I love you. Can you please stay

2070
01:12:21,045 --> 01:12:21,545
forever?

2071
01:12:24,484 --> 01:12:24,984
So

2072
01:12:26,404 --> 01:12:26,904
yeah.

2073
01:12:27,829 --> 01:12:29,270
Yeah. We had a you know, it was

2074
01:12:29,270 --> 01:12:31,210
a good time. We didn't It was.

2075
01:12:32,310 --> 01:12:34,229
When my mom needed a break from her

2076
01:12:34,229 --> 01:12:36,069
sister, she would that's when she was here

2077
01:12:36,069 --> 01:12:37,989
at 8AM. I was like, oh, is is

2078
01:12:37,989 --> 01:12:39,795
it is it getting rough over there? She's

2079
01:12:40,274 --> 01:12:42,435
like, it's fine. I'm like, that doesn't sound

2080
01:12:42,435 --> 01:12:43,574
like it's fine.

2081
01:12:44,354 --> 01:12:45,814
Well, when she came over

2082
01:12:47,234 --> 01:12:48,215
was it Monday?

2083
01:12:48,755 --> 01:12:50,774
It might have no. She came over Sunday,

2084
01:12:51,234 --> 01:12:52,994
and then she came over early Monday. So

2085
01:12:52,994 --> 01:12:54,274
Sunday, she came over for a while, but

2086
01:12:54,274 --> 01:12:55,710
then she spent the rest of the evening

2087
01:12:55,710 --> 01:12:56,810
with them, I think.

2088
01:12:57,350 --> 01:12:58,630
And I have no sense of time. Monday

2089
01:12:58,630 --> 01:13:01,030
morning she shows up 8AM bright and fucking

2090
01:13:01,030 --> 01:13:03,109
early, and she was like I almost got

2091
01:13:03,109 --> 01:13:05,510
roped into a religious conversation, but I'm here

2092
01:13:05,510 --> 01:13:07,189
now. I'm like well we will not be

2093
01:13:07,189 --> 01:13:08,885
talking talking about that, so you don't have

2094
01:13:08,885 --> 01:13:11,125
to worry. That will not be the topic

2095
01:13:11,125 --> 01:13:11,784
of conversation

2096
01:13:12,565 --> 01:13:13,385
in this house.

2097
01:13:14,405 --> 01:13:17,465
And then, we were very happy with the

2098
01:13:17,525 --> 01:13:18,005
different,

2099
01:13:18,405 --> 01:13:20,729
election results from across the country this week.

2100
01:13:20,729 --> 01:13:22,170
And so was my mother, and she got

2101
01:13:22,170 --> 01:13:24,329
to talk to somebody about it. She is,

2102
01:13:24,329 --> 01:13:24,829
like,

2103
01:13:25,529 --> 01:13:27,069
the only Mhmm.

2104
01:13:27,369 --> 01:13:30,010
She's a teeny tiny little blue dot in

2105
01:13:30,010 --> 01:13:31,930
a in a sea of red where she

2106
01:13:31,930 --> 01:13:33,930
lives. So she doesn't usually have anybody she

2107
01:13:33,930 --> 01:13:35,470
can talk to about, though. I know.

2108
01:13:35,985 --> 01:13:36,485
So

2109
01:13:37,265 --> 01:13:38,945
Yeah. That was a very pleasant,

2110
01:13:39,345 --> 01:13:41,824
Oh, yeah. Yeah. That was very nice. That

2111
01:13:41,824 --> 01:13:42,725
was a little

2112
01:13:43,744 --> 01:13:45,604
bit that was nice to see those results,

2113
01:13:47,664 --> 01:13:49,664
including there were some results in Mississippi that

2114
01:13:49,664 --> 01:13:50,324
were pleasant,

2115
01:13:50,659 --> 01:13:52,920
really surprising. So that's always nice.

2116
01:13:53,380 --> 01:13:53,880
But,

2117
01:13:54,659 --> 01:13:56,680
yeah. So now she goes home day after

2118
01:13:56,899 --> 01:13:59,060
we record this, and it'll be another six

2119
01:13:59,060 --> 01:13:59,560
months.

2120
01:14:00,100 --> 01:14:00,500
Mhmm.

2121
01:14:01,220 --> 01:14:03,140
And I love having her I really love

2122
01:14:03,140 --> 01:14:04,979
it when my mom comes because she's no

2123
01:14:04,979 --> 01:14:07,385
drama. She's like, let's go do some shit.

2124
01:14:07,385 --> 01:14:09,385
Mhmm. She's like, I know you're broke, but

2125
01:14:09,385 --> 01:14:11,064
I'm not, so let's go. I'm like, you

2126
01:14:11,064 --> 01:14:13,145
know what? I'm gonna fucking let you. There's

2127
01:14:13,145 --> 01:14:14,664
gotta be perks of being an only child

2128
01:14:14,664 --> 01:14:16,045
even when you're 46.

2129
01:14:19,385 --> 01:14:20,979
But it is also one of those things

2130
01:14:20,979 --> 01:14:22,579
with that I miss her when she's not

2131
01:14:22,579 --> 01:14:24,739
around. I love having her here, but, man,

2132
01:14:24,739 --> 01:14:26,579
I'm I'm so looking forward to getting my

2133
01:14:26,579 --> 01:14:28,819
schedule back, getting my routine back. Yeah. Yeah.

2134
01:14:28,819 --> 01:14:30,840
So looking forward to it. Yeah.

2135
01:14:31,859 --> 01:14:32,359
But

2136
01:14:33,300 --> 01:14:35,314
I know. You and I feel like things

2137
01:14:35,314 --> 01:14:36,135
have been cattywampus

2138
01:14:36,435 --> 01:14:38,194
the last few days. They've been chaotic in

2139
01:14:38,194 --> 01:14:39,015
a way that,

2140
01:14:39,395 --> 01:14:40,135
you know,

2141
01:14:40,994 --> 01:14:43,875
I don't dislike, but it throws me off

2142
01:14:43,875 --> 01:14:46,454
kilter, like, way off kilter. Yeah.

2143
01:14:47,939 --> 01:14:49,619
But I've embraced it. And today is my

2144
01:14:49,619 --> 01:14:51,779
last day of, we're just doing the bare

2145
01:14:51,779 --> 01:14:53,079
minimum around here.

2146
01:14:54,020 --> 01:14:56,680
Tomorrow, get my ass back to work. Yes.

2147
01:14:57,140 --> 01:14:57,640
Yep.

2148
01:14:58,260 --> 01:14:59,399
So Yes, indeed.

2149
01:15:00,765 --> 01:15:03,164
Anyway, anything else you got? No. That's pretty

2150
01:15:03,164 --> 01:15:04,545
much it. You know, I just

2151
01:15:05,564 --> 01:15:07,185
yeah. Just no.

2152
01:15:12,284 --> 01:15:14,364
Yeah. I mean, y'all, that's it. Their whole

2153
01:15:14,364 --> 01:15:16,840
life was has been consumed by family visits,

2154
01:15:16,840 --> 01:15:19,340
so Yeah. Nothing interesting to report.

2155
01:15:21,800 --> 01:15:23,420
I'm a little fried, so,

2156
01:15:23,960 --> 01:15:24,619
you know,

2157
01:15:25,640 --> 01:15:28,060
can't really think of too much stuff.

2158
01:15:29,505 --> 01:15:31,664
And all all the chaos with your with

2159
01:15:31,664 --> 01:15:32,804
your mom visiting

2160
01:15:33,425 --> 01:15:33,925
and

2161
01:15:34,304 --> 01:15:36,465
couple that in with a time change and

2162
01:15:37,585 --> 01:15:39,425
Yeah. I've I've seen a lot of people

2163
01:15:39,425 --> 01:15:40,324
say this online,

2164
01:15:40,784 --> 01:15:42,545
and I it's true for me as well.

2165
01:15:42,545 --> 01:15:44,119
The older I get, the harder

2166
01:15:44,739 --> 01:15:47,300
time changes to adjust to. Yeah. That there's

2167
01:15:47,300 --> 01:15:48,979
no extra hour of sleep when we fall

2168
01:15:48,979 --> 01:15:50,579
back. There is just I'm just up that

2169
01:15:50,579 --> 01:15:53,699
much earlier. It's fine. It's fine. Yeah. It's

2170
01:15:53,699 --> 01:15:54,199
fine.

2171
01:15:54,820 --> 01:15:55,800
This is fine.

2172
01:15:57,385 --> 01:15:58,904
And that yeah. That, I think, made a

2173
01:15:58,904 --> 01:16:01,704
difference too. I haven't I haven't adjusted. The

2174
01:16:01,704 --> 01:16:03,784
cats, Lola, none of them have adjusted. None

2175
01:16:03,784 --> 01:16:05,085
of them. No.

2176
01:16:05,545 --> 01:16:06,045
No.

2177
01:16:06,425 --> 01:16:08,764
They can't tell time, unfortunately. Mm-mm.

2178
01:16:09,625 --> 01:16:09,864
So

2179
01:16:10,520 --> 01:16:11,020
Yep.

2180
01:16:12,600 --> 01:16:14,140
Alright. Okay. That's it.

2181
01:16:15,479 --> 01:16:16,460
Yep. Ready.

2182
01:16:16,840 --> 01:16:18,279
We're not ending on a bang. We're ending

2183
01:16:18,279 --> 01:16:19,640
with a whimper and not even, like, the

2184
01:16:19,640 --> 01:16:21,100
sexy guy. Like,

2185
01:16:21,640 --> 01:16:23,260
petered out completely.

2186
01:16:24,600 --> 01:16:26,324
So like a a wind up doll that

2187
01:16:26,324 --> 01:16:27,305
just finally goes

2188
01:16:29,845 --> 01:16:32,005
Or like a balloon that just Oh my

2189
01:16:32,005 --> 01:16:32,505
god.

2190
01:16:34,805 --> 01:16:35,305
Yep.

2191
01:16:36,885 --> 01:16:38,664
Oh my god. I think you broke me.

2192
01:16:39,765 --> 01:16:40,859
I think I'm melting.

2193
01:16:41,800 --> 01:16:43,560
We're gonna go. Thanks y'all for being here.

2194
01:16:43,640 --> 01:16:46,359
Joining us. Especially the bitter end. We appreciate

2195
01:16:46,359 --> 01:16:48,680
you, and we will be back next week,

2196
01:16:48,680 --> 01:16:49,180
hopefully.

2197
01:16:50,199 --> 01:16:52,840
Smidge more energy. Mhmm. That's the plan. Uh-huh.

2198
01:16:52,840 --> 01:16:54,460
Okay. Bye. Bye.