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You're listening to a loving BDSM podcast episode

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four sixty. Kayla Lords here with the one,

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the only, the love of my life, the

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man that we've remembered

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day before recording, which was our wedding anniversary

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that we did indeed get married in 2017.

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One day we'll retain that information.

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John Brownstone.

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Happy belated wedding

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anniversary. Happy early birthday.

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There's no need to discuss that. Yes. There

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is.

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That's all we're talking about this week, though.

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You sure? Positive.

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This week, we're talking about a concept called

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love maps or love mapping

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and wondering if it can work for power

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exchange as well. JB just gave me a

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look of utter confusion. Don't Don't worry. I

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will explain to everybody who is that is

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as confused as JB what the hell a

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love map is. Yep. Welcome to the Loving

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BDSM podcast. If this is your first time

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listening, glad to have you. If you're back

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for another week, welcome back. Loving BDSM is

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some sometimes produced on Mondays and always produced

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on Fridays for your kinky pleasure in education,

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and show notes are found at lovingbdsm.net.

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Come back often and feel free to add

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the podcast to your favorite podcast app. You

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can also follow the show on FetLife at

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loving BDSM PC

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on Instagram and technically thread that that handle

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I will forever motherfucking hate. It's loving d

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s and the number one. So it's at

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loving d s one. You could see why

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I might hate it. Right?

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On blue sky at lovingbdsm.

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Blah blah blah or on YouTube at youtube.com/lovingbdsm,

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where you can watch us live stream the

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podcast every Wednesday. All links are in the

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show notes.

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Okay. So before we get into the topic,

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I do have a couple of announcements. I

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will try to speed run them. Actually, it

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really is just a couple. First is a

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reminder that we're doing

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thing on Patreon where you can join the

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tier known as holiday crickets.

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I know. It's a weird name. Just go

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with, okay? $20. Yes. You can be international

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for this. You will get in December

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a kinky holiday card from us with a

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few little goodies inside and and

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an invite to our first ever holiday party

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on Zoom

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that will be December 20

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at 2PM

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eastern. I should have checked that time. Damn

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time we had a company Christmas party. Hell,

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we can't even have our own company Christmas

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party. Anyway

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anyway,

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to you have there's a time limit for

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when you can sign up. November 15 is

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the cutoff.

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Might I increase that? Because I know some

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folks, it's like you gotta juggle shit. Maybe.

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We'll see. But right now is November 15.

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November 15 is your cutoff. Get signed up.

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It's it's a tier you only wanna be

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on for one month.

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You can decide because it's you only get

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the perk for the one month. You can

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decide if you wanna stay with us at

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a lower tier. You can, you know, nope

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out afterwards, whatever works for your personal budget.

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But, yeah, join us. Become a holiday crick

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at patreon. Patreon.com/kaylalords.

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Link is in the places. The next one,

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our trans affirming resource of the week

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is I think I mentioned it when,

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we did the first ever one for the

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campaign for Southern equality. It's called QueerMed. It

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is a telehealth

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company where

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trans and non binary folks can get gender

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affirming care. It is also it's queermed.com,

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but you might also see it as Qmed.

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It is not the only one of its

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kind. There's Plume.

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There's Folx, f o l x Folx.

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QueerMed is the one that was recommended to

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us when we talked to the person at

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the Campaign for Southern Equality,

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and I had never heard of it or

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I had heard of the others. I thought

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I would pass it on for anybody who

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might need that.

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My understanding

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is if you are in a state that

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does not offer

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some level of gender affirming care for trans

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people, specifically

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minors, but it I don't know if there

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are any laws that are impacting,

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adults.

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You have to be located in a state

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at the that does allow

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trans,

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gender affirming care,

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HRT, all that good stuff for,

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in this case, I'm gonna say minors because

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that's the one I'm sure of, that does

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allow it to have your telehealth. Right? So,

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like, you might have to hop across the

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state line,

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and get on somebody's Wi Fi

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and do your appointment for them to be

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able to help you, but it is an

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option. It's also an option even if you

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are in a state where you could get

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the medical care you need, but you're like,

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I don't like the doctors. I'm saying queermed.

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Queermed.com.

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Okay.

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Now we shall get into it. Okay.

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So

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before I tell you what a love map

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love map is, let me tell you where

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who came up with it. Is that something

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you get from, like, triple a?

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We don't want Like a triptych? We don't

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want

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that.

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Triple a.

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My gosh. You've already, like,

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derailed my train of thought. Hey. Might as

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well get it over with right on right

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at the start, you know? Because I can't

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get back on the tracks.

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Takes you a minute. Okay. Before we get

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into what the hell a love map is,

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who came up with the concept where who,

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you know, who are we basing this off

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of? I mentioned it in the episode we

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did a couple weeks ago where we were

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answering questions from therapy Jeff

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because the questions he was,

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you know, positioning for couples to respond to

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together,

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was based on the concept of love mapping.

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Love mapping comes from the Gottman Institute,

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doctor doctors Gottman and Gottman.

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It's John Gottman and his wife, Julie Schwartz

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Gottman. They have been studying relationships for fifty

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years. A lot, a lot, a lot of

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things that come out, on the Internet and

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and other places, but

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on the Internet's where I am,

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from therapists in general, like

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sage advice about relationships

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often comes from the Gottman Institute because they

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do studies and they, like, take a scientific

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approach. But, also, if you go to their

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website, they will try to sell you everything

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not nailed down. So

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I

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was like, I mean, I you gotta you

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gotta make your money, and I respect it,

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but

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okay.

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So that's where this comes from. This is

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a concept developed by doctor Gottman,

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based on

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his theory called the sound relationship

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house

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theory.

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Okay? Mhmm. I did not look into the

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sound relationship house theory. That was I just

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wanted to get to LoveMap, and LoveMap is

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part of the foundation.

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Okay?

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Now he on the on the site and

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on the places I've I've seen it talked

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about, they primarily focus on,

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married couples. I think this fits for any

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kind of, you know,

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relationship. I don't don't think you have to

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be married to form a love map,

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but that's where it comes from.

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And in his view,

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it is,

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sort of the foundation, the base of of

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a relationship. It is

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the thing that sustains

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a relationship. And a love map is basically

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marital friendship.

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It's the

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it's the

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knowing your partner. I have lots of notes

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here because I was like, I'm gonna not

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get any of this straight. So I'm gonna,

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like, refer to my notes here. Okay. So

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here we go. Marital friendship is the foundation

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of doctor Gottman's sound relationship house theory.

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It's the thing that sustains a relationship. Okay?

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So when the lust is not there, when

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the money stress is there, when you're like,

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I can't stand to hear this person

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chew one more moment, and that goes both

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ways. I'm not just the one bitching.

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And you're like, I can't

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I

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don't wanna fuck this person right now. And

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in our case, I don't necessarily wanna be

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kinky with this person right now, but I

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really do love them. It is typically the

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friendship, the Okay. The I like this human

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as a human. Okay? Gotcha.

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Now the Gottman say they found that the

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key to sustaining a happy relationship is having

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a strong friendship.

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And then the first,

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step in strengthening that friendship is getting to

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know each other deeply and intimately.

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And that's essentially what a love map is.

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K. Now we are gonna talk I'm gonna

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get through, like, the talking about what the

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hell a love map is, and then we

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will get into some of the things many

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of you are already seeing as a correlation

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with power exchange.

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So a love map, in essence, is the

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part of your brain where you store all

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of the relevant information about your partner's life

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their hopes, their dreams, their worries, their preferences.

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So it's how I could know,

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without even thinking

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who is not allowed to speak at your

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funeral, because I know you and your life

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well enough.

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Now a love map is developed over time.

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It nobody walks into a relationship

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knowing their partner that intimately.

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It is a thing that

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you there there are things you learn about

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each other over time if you are paying

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attention,

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if you are in communication, if you are

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being

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vulnerable with each other, if and, you know,

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if you were listening to your partner, if

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you were asking questions.

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So therefore,

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the lack of

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a a solid love map can also lead

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to disconnect.

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Sure. Right? Because things are going on in

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each other's lives and you have no basis

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for even sort of understanding what's going on.

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It can yeah. You can feel less connected

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to each other. So,

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I'll

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I hope this goes without saying at this

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point, but I'll say it right now while

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I'm thinking about it. The resources I use

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to, like, explain all this, they are in

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the places. Feel free, including a two that

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go to the Gottman Institute website.

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00:09:47,079 --> 00:09:49,019
So why love maps are important.

272
00:09:50,074 --> 00:09:53,355
When you have a decent love map of

273
00:09:53,355 --> 00:09:55,914
a partner, you can navigate conflicts more smoothly,

274
00:09:55,914 --> 00:09:57,834
you can support each other more effectively during

275
00:09:57,834 --> 00:10:00,174
times of stress, you maintain a strong friendship

276
00:10:00,235 --> 00:10:02,095
alongside your romantic relationship,

277
00:10:02,480 --> 00:10:04,720
You stay connected even as life changes and

278
00:10:04,720 --> 00:10:07,759
evolves. Right? Yeah. All of that makes sense.

279
00:10:07,759 --> 00:10:10,000
Yeah. In my mind, I would boil that

280
00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:11,460
down to, well, if you,

281
00:10:12,639 --> 00:10:15,279
have clear communication and trust one another, you

282
00:10:15,279 --> 00:10:16,960
can do that. They're basing it on you

283
00:10:16,960 --> 00:10:19,434
have this in inner knowing of your partner's

284
00:10:19,495 --> 00:10:20,315
inner world,

285
00:10:20,774 --> 00:10:23,274
and therefore, that helps you navigate it. So

286
00:10:24,134 --> 00:10:26,394
how do we build a love map? Okay.

287
00:10:27,014 --> 00:10:28,315
The two most common

288
00:10:28,774 --> 00:10:30,454
ways I mean, some of it is are

289
00:10:30,454 --> 00:10:32,774
you an observant person? Are you actively interested

290
00:10:32,774 --> 00:10:34,590
in your partner and you wanna know things

291
00:10:34,590 --> 00:10:37,710
about them? This can happen over time. But

292
00:10:37,710 --> 00:10:39,230
if you're like, oh my gosh, I I

293
00:10:39,230 --> 00:10:40,590
don't feel like I have an inner knowing

294
00:10:40,590 --> 00:10:41,710
of my you know, I don't know my

295
00:10:41,710 --> 00:10:42,850
partner's inner world.

296
00:10:43,549 --> 00:10:45,149
Building a love map, the two most common

297
00:10:45,149 --> 00:10:47,985
things is to just literally play 20 questions,

298
00:10:48,685 --> 00:10:51,085
answer questions about your partner to determine how

299
00:10:51,085 --> 00:10:51,904
much you know,

300
00:10:52,285 --> 00:10:55,565
and or ask your partner open ended questions

301
00:10:55,565 --> 00:10:58,090
to learn more about them. Now, I found

302
00:10:58,090 --> 00:11:01,850
multiple free resources online with, suggested questions. I

303
00:11:01,850 --> 00:11:03,769
linked to I think two of those as

304
00:11:03,769 --> 00:11:04,269
well.

305
00:11:06,090 --> 00:11:07,470
For anybody who's like,

306
00:11:08,009 --> 00:11:09,790
sure I'll play this game with my partner.

307
00:11:09,929 --> 00:11:12,590
When we have done some of the therapy,

308
00:11:12,649 --> 00:11:13,149
Jeff,

309
00:11:13,524 --> 00:11:16,164
answer these relationship questions, that is essentially what

310
00:11:16,164 --> 00:11:18,644
we're modeling is how much of a love

311
00:11:18,644 --> 00:11:20,164
map we have of one of those are

312
00:11:20,164 --> 00:11:22,565
the types of questions that you can use

313
00:11:22,565 --> 00:11:24,964
to build love map. If anybody is sort

314
00:11:24,964 --> 00:11:26,565
of freaking out right now that you maybe

315
00:11:26,565 --> 00:11:28,325
you don't have a love map with your

316
00:11:28,325 --> 00:11:31,110
partner, Do not panic. You can build these

317
00:11:31,110 --> 00:11:33,529
over time. And these kinds of,

318
00:11:34,070 --> 00:11:34,570
questions

319
00:11:34,950 --> 00:11:36,550
to ask each other or to try to

320
00:11:36,550 --> 00:11:38,790
answer about one another, this is part of

321
00:11:38,790 --> 00:11:39,450
it. So

322
00:11:39,910 --> 00:11:41,769
so love maps are an ongoing thing,

323
00:11:42,389 --> 00:11:44,214
because because there's always more to learn about

324
00:11:44,214 --> 00:11:47,254
your partner. I sometimes and not sometimes, there

325
00:11:47,254 --> 00:11:48,695
have been times when we've done the questions

326
00:11:48,695 --> 00:11:51,095
from Therapy Jeff, who does follow the Gottman

327
00:11:51,095 --> 00:11:53,174
Institute and cites their work a lot in

328
00:11:53,174 --> 00:11:53,995
his own work,

329
00:11:55,299 --> 00:11:56,980
where I'm like, god, I don't know that

330
00:11:56,980 --> 00:11:58,200
about JB. Because

331
00:11:58,820 --> 00:12:02,600
you can never communicate enough, be observant enough,

332
00:12:03,700 --> 00:12:06,179
be all up in somebody's business enough to

333
00:12:06,179 --> 00:12:08,660
truly know everything about Right. You can't know

334
00:12:08,660 --> 00:12:11,284
everything about somebody. You're you should be consistently,

335
00:12:11,745 --> 00:12:14,304
not constantly, maybe, consistently learning about one another.

336
00:12:14,304 --> 00:12:15,904
That's what I like about those questions because

337
00:12:15,904 --> 00:12:17,125
sometimes I'm like, oh,

338
00:12:17,585 --> 00:12:19,264
I don't know. What do you want to

339
00:12:19,264 --> 00:12:21,024
do? How would you handle that? And then

340
00:12:21,024 --> 00:12:22,404
you get to learn something new.

341
00:12:23,610 --> 00:12:25,610
So that that is a love map. It

342
00:12:25,610 --> 00:12:28,509
is it is the intimate details that you

343
00:12:28,809 --> 00:12:31,610
know about your partner's life before they met

344
00:12:31,610 --> 00:12:33,389
you, while they're with you,

345
00:12:34,490 --> 00:12:36,105
you know, their hopes or dreams for the

346
00:12:36,105 --> 00:12:36,605
future,

347
00:12:37,065 --> 00:12:39,144
the things that annoy them, the people in

348
00:12:39,144 --> 00:12:41,225
their lives that annoy them, that's a love

349
00:12:41,225 --> 00:12:41,725
note.

350
00:12:42,504 --> 00:12:44,584
And, again, every time I see it in

351
00:12:44,584 --> 00:12:46,845
context, we are talking about romantic

352
00:12:47,625 --> 00:12:48,125
often,

353
00:12:48,504 --> 00:12:51,700
it's implied sexual relationships, but not necessarily romantic

354
00:12:51,759 --> 00:12:52,259
relationships,

355
00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:54,420
typically married couples,

356
00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:57,759
but not necessarily, but partnered people in a

357
00:12:57,759 --> 00:12:59,860
romantic relationship love map.

358
00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:03,779
That's how it's framed. Now Mhmm. If,

359
00:13:04,240 --> 00:13:05,934
y'all have known me for more than thirty

360
00:13:05,934 --> 00:13:06,995
seconds, you know

361
00:13:07,615 --> 00:13:08,835
I like to pervert

362
00:13:09,455 --> 00:13:11,075
the non kinkster concept.

363
00:13:11,695 --> 00:13:13,955
Kink a pie. Yeah. Let's kink it up.

364
00:13:14,414 --> 00:13:14,914
So

365
00:13:15,455 --> 00:13:17,394
I think the spoiler here is

366
00:13:17,774 --> 00:13:19,554
if you are in a romantic

367
00:13:20,059 --> 00:13:23,360
relationship and power exchange, yes, you

368
00:13:23,740 --> 00:13:25,500
would probably benefit from a love map. You

369
00:13:25,500 --> 00:13:27,179
probably have one that you don't realize you

370
00:13:27,179 --> 00:13:29,360
have. Sure. Sure. Sure. But let's talk about

371
00:13:29,899 --> 00:13:31,360
power exchange that's maybe

372
00:13:31,899 --> 00:13:34,774
not romantic, not sexual. You're not even freaking

373
00:13:34,774 --> 00:13:37,575
married. You're but let's talk about a love

374
00:13:37,575 --> 00:13:40,154
map in terms of power exchange. Okay.

375
00:13:40,774 --> 00:13:42,315
What are your thoughts? Yeah.

376
00:13:43,975 --> 00:13:45,575
And y'all wonder why I do most of

377
00:13:45,575 --> 00:13:47,669
the talking in the podcast. That would have

378
00:13:47,669 --> 00:13:49,929
been your podcast. We'd be done now.

379
00:13:53,750 --> 00:13:56,309
No. I I think it's it's from from

380
00:13:56,309 --> 00:13:58,549
sounding what it is, you know, all this

381
00:13:58,549 --> 00:14:00,570
description, what a love map is,

382
00:14:01,534 --> 00:14:02,914
I think it definitely could

383
00:14:03,615 --> 00:14:04,434
have a place

384
00:14:05,695 --> 00:14:06,434
in DS.

385
00:14:07,054 --> 00:14:09,134
I think I think we are already doing

386
00:14:09,134 --> 00:14:11,054
these things, but not calling it that. Calling

387
00:14:11,054 --> 00:14:13,375
it that. Because yeah. You know, that's what

388
00:14:13,375 --> 00:14:14,034
we do

389
00:14:15,029 --> 00:14:17,509
in in in this lifestyle, you know, you

390
00:14:17,509 --> 00:14:18,409
have to know

391
00:14:19,029 --> 00:14:21,129
Right. Pretty much as much as you can

392
00:14:21,669 --> 00:14:24,169
Right. About the person you're playing with. Right.

393
00:14:24,230 --> 00:14:27,669
Agree. You know, so, yeah, it's it's definitely

394
00:14:27,669 --> 00:14:29,845
sounds like it, Just not on with a

395
00:14:29,845 --> 00:14:32,084
name. Yeah. We don't we haven't named it.

396
00:14:32,084 --> 00:14:34,004
Now, I do wanna point out, you and

397
00:14:34,004 --> 00:14:36,325
I, for how many years? Just over ten

398
00:14:36,404 --> 00:14:38,485
Mhmm. Have been sort of doing the, you

399
00:14:38,485 --> 00:14:40,725
know, long term power exchange. I mean, I

400
00:14:40,725 --> 00:14:42,690
don't talk about casual play or pickup play

401
00:14:42,690 --> 00:14:43,970
because I don't know anything about that. But

402
00:14:43,970 --> 00:14:46,049
long term power exchange, I don't care if

403
00:14:46,049 --> 00:14:47,570
you're fucking or not. I don't care if

404
00:14:47,570 --> 00:14:49,970
you, like, love them romantically or not. We

405
00:14:49,970 --> 00:14:52,370
always say you should start with a basis

406
00:14:52,370 --> 00:14:54,524
of friendship. Like Right. Before you bare your

407
00:14:54,524 --> 00:14:57,004
soul and your ass to somebody, make sure

408
00:14:57,004 --> 00:14:58,925
you like them as a human. This to

409
00:14:58,925 --> 00:15:01,485
me is a love map. The start of

410
00:15:01,485 --> 00:15:02,925
a love map, if you wanna call it

411
00:15:02,925 --> 00:15:03,325
a love map,

412
00:15:04,845 --> 00:15:05,585
is that

413
00:15:06,045 --> 00:15:06,865
same concept.

414
00:15:07,540 --> 00:15:09,639
You know, we were friends before

415
00:15:10,340 --> 00:15:12,019
you domed me the first time. We were

416
00:15:12,019 --> 00:15:15,139
growing that friendship. And long distance folks who

417
00:15:15,139 --> 00:15:16,420
are always like, well, how did you build

418
00:15:16,420 --> 00:15:19,139
that relationship? How do you Questions. We literally

419
00:15:19,139 --> 00:15:21,544
played 20 questions. Yeah. When when you know,

420
00:15:21,544 --> 00:15:23,404
it's funny when you mentioned the 20 questions.

421
00:15:24,105 --> 00:15:24,605
We

422
00:15:25,144 --> 00:15:27,965
and Lola agrees. Lola agrees. She agrees.

423
00:15:29,945 --> 00:15:31,884
As she sings the song of her people.

424
00:15:33,304 --> 00:15:34,985
Would you like to go calm your dog

425
00:15:34,985 --> 00:15:35,485
down?

426
00:15:39,690 --> 00:15:41,129
I think I said it a week or

427
00:15:41,129 --> 00:15:42,990
so ago, maybe on a Friday night livestream.

428
00:15:43,529 --> 00:15:46,009
Her crying has gotten much more frequent as

429
00:15:46,009 --> 00:15:48,910
she's getting older. She doesn't appear confused.

430
00:15:49,955 --> 00:15:51,795
I think she just thinks nobody's gonna pay

431
00:15:51,795 --> 00:15:54,514
attention to her unless she's crying like her

432
00:15:54,514 --> 00:15:55,575
heart is breaking.

433
00:16:01,899 --> 00:16:04,799
Now she seems placated for these thirty seconds.

434
00:16:05,740 --> 00:16:07,360
So, yeah, the, you know,

435
00:16:07,980 --> 00:16:09,440
I think the the

436
00:16:09,820 --> 00:16:11,740
the term love map is cutesy. I think

437
00:16:11,740 --> 00:16:13,419
that's Mhmm. You know, if somebody needs that

438
00:16:13,419 --> 00:16:14,779
to be able to sort of, like, have

439
00:16:14,779 --> 00:16:16,139
a name for it, have a label for

440
00:16:16,139 --> 00:16:17,264
it. But,

441
00:16:17,665 --> 00:16:19,184
you know, some of the things we've talked

442
00:16:19,184 --> 00:16:19,684
about

443
00:16:20,065 --> 00:16:21,585
in the over the past few years of

444
00:16:21,585 --> 00:16:24,705
our personal life stress and then our 2025

445
00:16:24,705 --> 00:16:26,384
project of, like, oh, getting back to one

446
00:16:26,384 --> 00:16:28,004
another, we've always

447
00:16:28,465 --> 00:16:28,965
emphasized

448
00:16:29,504 --> 00:16:30,004
that

449
00:16:30,539 --> 00:16:31,360
we genuinely

450
00:16:31,820 --> 00:16:33,740
like one another. If the power exchange goes

451
00:16:33,740 --> 00:16:35,440
away, if we can't do fuckery,

452
00:16:35,820 --> 00:16:38,080
we still want to be in each other's

453
00:16:38,220 --> 00:16:38,720
presence.

454
00:16:39,580 --> 00:16:41,659
And I I don't need a name for

455
00:16:41,659 --> 00:16:44,575
that. I like the guy. I wanna know

456
00:16:44,575 --> 00:16:46,575
as much about him as he will let

457
00:16:46,575 --> 00:16:47,394
me know,

458
00:16:47,774 --> 00:16:50,174
not just because I'm a nosy bitch, although

459
00:16:50,174 --> 00:16:52,495
there is that. Right? The more I know

460
00:16:52,495 --> 00:16:55,134
about JB, the better I can serve as

461
00:16:55,134 --> 00:16:55,794
a submissive,

462
00:16:56,250 --> 00:16:58,509
the better I can react when,

463
00:16:58,889 --> 00:17:01,210
you know, things get rough and he's biting

464
00:17:01,210 --> 00:17:02,809
my head off, and I can remember this

465
00:17:02,809 --> 00:17:03,629
is not personal.

466
00:17:04,089 --> 00:17:06,250
This is a trauma response. You know, y'all

467
00:17:06,250 --> 00:17:07,710
know I'm gonna, you know,

468
00:17:09,515 --> 00:17:11,755
do some psychology in my head, but therapize

469
00:17:11,755 --> 00:17:13,375
and all that good stuff. But,

470
00:17:13,994 --> 00:17:16,015
you know, I don't know that

471
00:17:16,954 --> 00:17:18,095
anybody necessarily

472
00:17:19,194 --> 00:17:20,714
needs the term. So I don't know that

473
00:17:20,714 --> 00:17:23,914
power exchange needs love maps. I think the

474
00:17:23,914 --> 00:17:27,509
concept of being genuinely curious about your partner

475
00:17:27,809 --> 00:17:28,309
within

476
00:17:28,609 --> 00:17:31,169
the bounds of whatever you've negotiated with each

477
00:17:31,169 --> 00:17:32,929
other. And and there and that's what I

478
00:17:32,929 --> 00:17:34,529
was thinking. You just said the said that

479
00:17:34,529 --> 00:17:35,029
word.

480
00:17:35,649 --> 00:17:37,329
You know, in thinking about this, it's

481
00:17:38,295 --> 00:17:39,894
you could almost say we do have a

482
00:17:39,894 --> 00:17:41,575
name for it in the lifestyle and it's

483
00:17:41,575 --> 00:17:42,075
negotiation.

484
00:17:42,695 --> 00:17:44,188
I think so. For the power change part

485
00:17:44,188 --> 00:17:45,575
of the For the most part. I mean,

486
00:17:45,575 --> 00:17:48,295
you know, because you're asking, you know, when

487
00:17:48,295 --> 00:17:50,775
you're negotiating you're asking, you know, what do

488
00:17:50,775 --> 00:17:51,990
you like? Do you like

489
00:17:52,869 --> 00:17:54,470
spankings? Do you like canes? Do you like

490
00:17:54,470 --> 00:17:56,549
this? You know, do you have any anything

491
00:17:56,549 --> 00:17:58,789
that prohibits you from, you know, so you

492
00:17:58,789 --> 00:18:00,630
have to learn about the person. And then

493
00:18:00,630 --> 00:18:01,990
as you do the thing with the person,

494
00:18:01,990 --> 00:18:03,429
you learn more about them because you learn

495
00:18:03,429 --> 00:18:06,569
their responses. You learn both by having conversations

496
00:18:06,789 --> 00:18:07,609
and by observation.

497
00:18:07,964 --> 00:18:09,644
Well, how intense can I do this? How

498
00:18:09,644 --> 00:18:11,025
often? What can they take?

499
00:18:12,125 --> 00:18:13,964
What can they handle is what I mean.

500
00:18:14,284 --> 00:18:15,984
So that makes sense to me as well.

501
00:18:16,044 --> 00:18:18,164
What I'm curious about Mhmm.

502
00:18:18,605 --> 00:18:20,144
Because I had a very,

503
00:18:22,059 --> 00:18:24,140
shameless self promotion moment when I thought about

504
00:18:24,140 --> 00:18:24,880
this is,

505
00:18:25,500 --> 00:18:26,160
do we

506
00:18:26,619 --> 00:18:27,680
do this already?

507
00:18:28,220 --> 00:18:30,220
Is it something that would be beneficial to

508
00:18:30,220 --> 00:18:30,720
have

509
00:18:31,820 --> 00:18:33,900
a version of a love map that's but

510
00:18:33,900 --> 00:18:36,465
that's specific to kink and power exchange. It's

511
00:18:36,465 --> 00:18:37,684
the understanding

512
00:18:37,985 --> 00:18:38,785
and knowing

513
00:18:39,184 --> 00:18:41,345
Mhmm. Of not just what your partner has

514
00:18:41,345 --> 00:18:43,904
agreed to, but the things they're curious about,

515
00:18:43,904 --> 00:18:45,664
the things that have gone wrong in their

516
00:18:45,664 --> 00:18:47,345
kink life, the things that they hope for

517
00:18:47,345 --> 00:18:49,349
in their kink life, where they're trying to

518
00:18:49,349 --> 00:18:51,590
take this kink train of their life, you

519
00:18:51,590 --> 00:18:54,549
know. And shameless self promotion time, I did

520
00:18:54,549 --> 00:18:57,029
immediately think of our thirty days of DS

521
00:18:57,029 --> 00:18:59,109
workbooks that we do sell on Etsy links

522
00:18:59,109 --> 00:19:01,269
in the places. Those are not were not

523
00:19:01,269 --> 00:19:03,430
written for that. They were written so that,

524
00:19:03,430 --> 00:19:05,244
you know, you can either kind of figure

525
00:19:05,244 --> 00:19:07,424
yourself out or you could

526
00:19:08,125 --> 00:19:09,345
figure out with a partner

527
00:19:09,724 --> 00:19:11,884
what you both want and how you both

528
00:19:11,884 --> 00:19:14,125
perceive these different concepts. That's what they were

529
00:19:14,125 --> 00:19:14,945
built for.

530
00:19:15,325 --> 00:19:17,164
But and then then made me go should

531
00:19:17,164 --> 00:19:19,839
I should I create questions for so people

532
00:19:19,839 --> 00:19:22,000
can build a kink map? But before I

533
00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:23,700
even take on that project,

534
00:19:24,320 --> 00:19:26,259
you know, is there any benefit

535
00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:28,559
to that, or is it just the same

536
00:19:28,559 --> 00:19:29,920
thing as a love map, but just by

537
00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:32,394
a different name? Because in our friendship, I

538
00:19:32,394 --> 00:19:34,795
do understand your kinks, and I do sort

539
00:19:34,795 --> 00:19:36,875
of you know, I know the past history

540
00:19:36,875 --> 00:19:38,714
that you've shared with me. I know how

541
00:19:38,714 --> 00:19:40,875
you respond to things. You know, it's all

542
00:19:40,875 --> 00:19:43,914
sort of built part and parcel as I've

543
00:19:43,914 --> 00:19:46,474
figured you out as a human, and your

544
00:19:46,474 --> 00:19:47,535
kinks are just

545
00:19:48,470 --> 00:19:50,470
part of you as, you know, as a

546
00:19:50,470 --> 00:19:52,090
person. Yeah. So,

547
00:19:52,869 --> 00:19:54,230
you know, I think that's the thing I'm

548
00:19:54,230 --> 00:19:56,630
interested. I I like the idea of the,

549
00:19:56,630 --> 00:19:57,210
you know,

550
00:19:58,070 --> 00:19:59,670
the concept of a love map. I don't

551
00:19:59,670 --> 00:20:01,430
care about the term that doesn't do anything

552
00:20:01,430 --> 00:20:03,109
for me Mhmm. Other than to be easy

553
00:20:03,109 --> 00:20:05,505
shorthand. Yeah. Because it all it does is

554
00:20:05,505 --> 00:20:07,204
back up a thing we have believed

555
00:20:07,904 --> 00:20:10,804
this whole time. Right. But I do wonder

556
00:20:13,744 --> 00:20:15,044
if there's benefit

557
00:20:16,159 --> 00:20:18,799
for kinksters in, I'm gonna say power exchange

558
00:20:18,799 --> 00:20:19,299
specifically,

559
00:20:19,599 --> 00:20:21,619
because that's my area of expertise,

560
00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:23,539
to have

561
00:20:24,159 --> 00:20:24,659
more

562
00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:26,099
intimate knowings

563
00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:28,740
of each other's internal world,

564
00:20:29,599 --> 00:20:30,099
specifically

565
00:20:30,880 --> 00:20:31,380
from

566
00:20:31,855 --> 00:20:32,835
a kink perspective.

567
00:20:33,615 --> 00:20:35,054
So that that way, maybe you are gonna

568
00:20:35,054 --> 00:20:36,734
power exchange with somebody and it's platonic and

569
00:20:36,734 --> 00:20:38,494
you don't live with one another, and you're

570
00:20:38,494 --> 00:20:40,575
not trying to build a life forever, but

571
00:20:40,575 --> 00:20:43,134
you really want this dynamic to continue as

572
00:20:43,134 --> 00:20:44,674
long as it both serves you.

573
00:20:45,375 --> 00:20:46,115
Is there

574
00:20:46,660 --> 00:20:48,819
is there benefit to having that kind of

575
00:20:48,819 --> 00:20:49,319
internal

576
00:20:49,779 --> 00:20:50,279
understanding

577
00:20:50,660 --> 00:20:52,839
of your partner's inner world

578
00:20:54,019 --> 00:20:55,880
from a power exchange kink perspective?

579
00:20:56,500 --> 00:20:57,859
Does it make you I don't know if

580
00:20:57,859 --> 00:20:59,220
it makes you a better kinkster, but does

581
00:20:59,220 --> 00:20:59,799
it make

582
00:21:00,424 --> 00:21:02,125
weathering the stress of

583
00:21:03,065 --> 00:21:05,164
when your lives interfere with your power exchange?

584
00:21:05,224 --> 00:21:06,444
Does it help

585
00:21:07,304 --> 00:21:08,285
you negotiate

586
00:21:09,144 --> 00:21:11,625
new things in an e you know? In

587
00:21:11,625 --> 00:21:13,804
a in a in a more yeah.

588
00:21:14,309 --> 00:21:14,809
Right.

589
00:21:18,230 --> 00:21:20,069
So what do you think about the cons

590
00:21:20,149 --> 00:21:21,509
what do you think about that? No. I

591
00:21:21,509 --> 00:21:23,029
think I think it's a it's a good

592
00:21:23,029 --> 00:21:24,630
concept. And like I said, I think for

593
00:21:24,630 --> 00:21:26,730
for the most part, a lot of people,

594
00:21:26,789 --> 00:21:28,835
we already do it in the lifestyle.

595
00:21:29,694 --> 00:21:31,214
You know, and I I know that long

596
00:21:31,214 --> 00:21:33,315
term couples definitely Yeah. Do it.

597
00:21:34,894 --> 00:21:35,634
But it's

598
00:21:36,095 --> 00:21:37,775
to my knowledge, it's not something you do

599
00:21:37,775 --> 00:21:39,134
on purpose. It's a thing that just sort

600
00:21:39,134 --> 00:21:40,815
of happens. You get to know one another.

601
00:21:40,815 --> 00:21:42,529
Yeah. And yet in

602
00:21:42,990 --> 00:21:43,569
in DS,

603
00:21:44,349 --> 00:21:45,649
it happens on purpose.

604
00:21:45,950 --> 00:21:47,149
At the start of it, it happens on

605
00:21:47,149 --> 00:21:49,389
purpose. Absolutely. It has to. Mhmm. So, you

606
00:21:49,389 --> 00:21:51,789
know, be because you need to sit down

607
00:21:51,789 --> 00:21:53,809
and understand the person you're playing with.

608
00:21:54,184 --> 00:21:55,785
And there's play, but there's also living with

609
00:21:55,785 --> 00:21:57,884
because there are things that make me,

610
00:21:58,984 --> 00:22:00,984
I hope, a better submissive, but understand you

611
00:22:00,984 --> 00:22:03,065
as a dominant because I understand certain parts

612
00:22:03,065 --> 00:22:04,684
of your life. Right? Mhmm. Like,

613
00:22:05,144 --> 00:22:06,904
I am better at knowing that when you

614
00:22:06,904 --> 00:22:09,799
are grumpy and grouchy and grouchy and snappy,

615
00:22:10,660 --> 00:22:12,599
that I've not done it uh-huh.

616
00:22:12,900 --> 00:22:14,679
I haven't done anything wrong.

617
00:22:15,299 --> 00:22:16,039
This is,

618
00:22:16,419 --> 00:22:17,079
you know,

619
00:22:17,619 --> 00:22:20,419
how you respond in certain times of stress.

620
00:22:20,419 --> 00:22:20,919
Right?

621
00:22:21,565 --> 00:22:22,625
When I get

622
00:22:22,924 --> 00:22:23,424
snappy

623
00:22:24,285 --> 00:22:24,785
Mhmm.

624
00:22:27,085 --> 00:22:29,485
You know, I'd like to believe that sometimes,

625
00:22:29,485 --> 00:22:31,404
not always, because nobody's perfect, you know, we

626
00:22:31,404 --> 00:22:33,244
all have our own stuff going on. We

627
00:22:33,244 --> 00:22:35,565
don't always read each other Mhmm. Properly. But

628
00:22:35,565 --> 00:22:38,220
you're not thinking she's being a shitty submissive.

629
00:22:38,279 --> 00:22:40,599
You're thinking something has gotten to her. Something

630
00:22:40,599 --> 00:22:42,679
wrong. Something is wrong. What's wrong? What's going

631
00:22:42,679 --> 00:22:45,000
on? And I get where we would know

632
00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:46,839
these things about one another because we are

633
00:22:46,839 --> 00:22:49,799
literally together twenty four seven. If we do

634
00:22:49,799 --> 00:22:52,125
not know these things now, there is something

635
00:22:52,345 --> 00:22:53,085
wrong. Seriously

636
00:22:53,785 --> 00:22:54,845
wrong. But the

637
00:22:55,144 --> 00:22:57,785
so no. Have having that deep understanding about

638
00:22:57,785 --> 00:22:58,444
a partner

639
00:22:59,144 --> 00:23:01,704
can about you specifically. I use myself as

640
00:23:01,704 --> 00:23:02,365
the example.

641
00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:05,720
Understanding you that well, as well as I

642
00:23:05,720 --> 00:23:07,960
do, knowing the things about you that I

643
00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:08,460
do,

644
00:23:09,079 --> 00:23:11,420
I feel better able to offer

645
00:23:11,799 --> 00:23:14,359
suggestions of what you need Mhmm. As a

646
00:23:14,359 --> 00:23:16,359
human, but as a dominant, what I can

647
00:23:16,359 --> 00:23:17,660
do for you as a submissive,

648
00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:20,015
what, you know, what I think will be

649
00:23:20,015 --> 00:23:22,654
a service to you. Right? How the hell

650
00:23:22,654 --> 00:23:23,615
I can get the hell out of your

651
00:23:23,615 --> 00:23:25,054
way so we're not having a stupid fight

652
00:23:25,054 --> 00:23:26,835
because one of us was cranky. Right?

653
00:23:27,134 --> 00:23:28,335
And I know a lot of that just

654
00:23:28,335 --> 00:23:29,315
sounds like relationship

655
00:23:29,694 --> 00:23:30,194
stuff,

656
00:23:31,375 --> 00:23:31,875
but

657
00:23:32,490 --> 00:23:34,029
not every power exchange

658
00:23:34,890 --> 00:23:37,369
swims in the same relationship kind of pool.

659
00:23:37,369 --> 00:23:39,130
True. Not everybody's trying to live together and

660
00:23:39,130 --> 00:23:41,130
raise babies together True. True. True. And be

661
00:23:41,130 --> 00:23:43,049
together until they're 99.

662
00:23:43,049 --> 00:23:44,109
Right? Like Right.

663
00:23:45,154 --> 00:23:46,134
So, therefore,

664
00:23:46,674 --> 00:23:47,734
nobody's talking

665
00:23:48,275 --> 00:23:51,174
to those folks about, hey. Here's a benefit

666
00:23:51,234 --> 00:23:52,294
to genuinely

667
00:23:52,595 --> 00:23:52,994
understanding

668
00:23:53,394 --> 00:23:55,634
Mhmm. Your person as much as they will

669
00:23:55,634 --> 00:23:56,994
let you. Now part of that is a

670
00:23:56,994 --> 00:23:59,154
vulnerability with one another. Sure. You gotta be

671
00:23:59,154 --> 00:24:01,539
willing to share. And the thought I have

672
00:24:01,539 --> 00:24:02,919
is if you imagine

673
00:24:03,940 --> 00:24:06,119
sharing your innermost world,

674
00:24:06,500 --> 00:24:08,179
your hopes, your fears, your thoughts, your desires,

675
00:24:08,179 --> 00:24:09,299
all of it, all of it, and knowing

676
00:24:09,299 --> 00:24:10,440
you have a partner that

677
00:24:10,819 --> 00:24:12,919
sees you that deeply, right?

678
00:24:13,745 --> 00:24:15,825
If some part of you shies away from

679
00:24:15,825 --> 00:24:16,325
it,

680
00:24:17,825 --> 00:24:19,985
that's a conversation to have with yourself because

681
00:24:19,985 --> 00:24:22,384
sometimes it's your own stuff you have you

682
00:24:22,384 --> 00:24:24,965
haven't worked through yet, your own insecurities,

683
00:24:25,950 --> 00:24:27,329
your own fears and anxieties.

684
00:24:27,630 --> 00:24:28,450
And sometimes,

685
00:24:29,309 --> 00:24:29,970
I mean,

686
00:24:30,909 --> 00:24:32,589
is it because you have a partner that

687
00:24:32,589 --> 00:24:34,690
you either don't really wanna know like that

688
00:24:35,069 --> 00:24:36,829
or you know is not gonna let you

689
00:24:36,829 --> 00:24:38,829
know them like that? I don't think that's

690
00:24:38,829 --> 00:24:40,429
a basis for deciding if you should be

691
00:24:40,429 --> 00:24:42,164
in a relationship. But I do think that's

692
00:24:42,164 --> 00:24:44,164
a piece of information. Like, what is what

693
00:24:44,164 --> 00:24:45,845
is stopping you from wanting to share that

694
00:24:45,845 --> 00:24:46,664
with a person?

695
00:24:47,605 --> 00:24:48,424
And oftentimes,

696
00:24:48,724 --> 00:24:49,464
we have

697
00:24:50,964 --> 00:24:51,944
an instinctual

698
00:24:52,484 --> 00:24:54,644
reaction to something. We might not know why

699
00:24:54,644 --> 00:24:56,804
we're having it, but there's there's a reason

700
00:24:56,804 --> 00:24:58,970
there. And it's not always because we're the

701
00:24:58,970 --> 00:25:01,470
scaredy cat who's afraid to say, you know,

702
00:25:03,049 --> 00:25:05,130
vulnerable things to a partner. Sometimes it's we're

703
00:25:05,130 --> 00:25:06,190
getting some signals

704
00:25:06,730 --> 00:25:07,130
and

705
00:25:08,409 --> 00:25:10,490
you know? But that's another thing I go

706
00:25:10,490 --> 00:25:11,230
to because

707
00:25:11,690 --> 00:25:12,669
there's a certain

708
00:25:13,335 --> 00:25:13,835
level

709
00:25:15,575 --> 00:25:18,054
of trust and back and forth that every

710
00:25:18,054 --> 00:25:21,575
kinkster needs, whether you're deep in relationship power

711
00:25:21,575 --> 00:25:23,355
exchange or you're just trying to get kinky.

712
00:25:23,575 --> 00:25:25,255
And if this is gonna be something long

713
00:25:25,255 --> 00:25:26,490
term where you wanna come back to this

714
00:25:26,490 --> 00:25:28,970
person or build something with this person, have

715
00:25:28,970 --> 00:25:31,789
some connection that lasts beyond the moment,

716
00:25:33,210 --> 00:25:36,269
you know, there needs to be some level,

717
00:25:36,490 --> 00:25:38,650
not as deep as everybody, everybody's got their

718
00:25:38,650 --> 00:25:42,144
own level, of vulnerability and intimacy and learning

719
00:25:42,365 --> 00:25:44,924
each other. And I think it says something

720
00:25:44,924 --> 00:25:46,065
when you have a partner

721
00:25:46,445 --> 00:25:46,945
who

722
00:25:47,565 --> 00:25:50,285
doesn't wanna learn about you or doesn't wanna

723
00:25:50,285 --> 00:25:52,285
share with you. You know? We talk about

724
00:25:52,285 --> 00:25:53,484
it in terms of kink all the time.

725
00:25:53,484 --> 00:25:55,359
It can be dangerous to not share pertinent

726
00:25:55,359 --> 00:25:57,140
information or to not know something.

727
00:25:57,519 --> 00:25:58,019
But

728
00:25:58,640 --> 00:26:01,119
beyond that, they're like, that's the almost the

729
00:26:01,119 --> 00:26:02,960
surface level stuff. Like, what do I need

730
00:26:02,960 --> 00:26:04,960
to share with this other human being so

731
00:26:04,960 --> 00:26:06,500
that I am as

732
00:26:07,294 --> 00:26:08,994
mentally, emotionally, and physically,

733
00:26:09,454 --> 00:26:12,434
air quote this because it's real subjective, safe,

734
00:26:12,734 --> 00:26:15,054
air big air quotes on safe Mhmm. As

735
00:26:15,054 --> 00:26:16,755
possible. Right? Versus

736
00:26:17,855 --> 00:26:20,035
how can I get to know this person

737
00:26:20,894 --> 00:26:22,355
to the point where

738
00:26:23,369 --> 00:26:23,950
I can

739
00:26:24,490 --> 00:26:25,150
you know?

740
00:26:28,009 --> 00:26:29,210
I don't even know if I have the

741
00:26:29,210 --> 00:26:31,150
language for it. It's a deep intimacy

742
00:26:31,769 --> 00:26:33,789
that, to me, can make power exchange

743
00:26:34,329 --> 00:26:34,829
better.

744
00:26:35,289 --> 00:26:37,390
K. But we also have the

745
00:26:38,555 --> 00:26:41,355
benefit. I guess, we live together. True. We're

746
00:26:41,355 --> 00:26:44,174
around one another. We have learned each other's

747
00:26:44,315 --> 00:26:45,535
habits and ways

748
00:26:45,914 --> 00:26:47,295
and tells and, you know,

749
00:26:48,394 --> 00:26:50,875
twitches and the the way we learned all

750
00:26:50,875 --> 00:26:53,035
of that. Yes. Yes. And I'm not saying

751
00:26:53,035 --> 00:26:55,539
every power exchange exchange needs that. Although, are

752
00:26:55,539 --> 00:26:57,220
you living together, building a life together, and

753
00:26:57,220 --> 00:26:58,500
are trying to be together until the end

754
00:26:58,500 --> 00:26:59,159
of time?

755
00:26:59,940 --> 00:27:01,460
Yes. I think you would benefit from that.

756
00:27:01,460 --> 00:27:01,960
Yeah.

757
00:27:02,899 --> 00:27:04,599
But would, you know, would any

758
00:27:05,139 --> 00:27:07,539
kinkster doing power exchange benefit from that? And

759
00:27:07,539 --> 00:27:09,255
how would they get to that? Now that's

760
00:27:09,255 --> 00:27:11,115
the thing that has been on my mind

761
00:27:11,255 --> 00:27:13,414
since this too because I'm like, okay. Well,

762
00:27:13,414 --> 00:27:15,355
what are the questions? What are the things?

763
00:27:15,974 --> 00:27:17,575
And it will be different for everybody. I

764
00:27:17,575 --> 00:27:18,955
know. But what are the things

765
00:27:19,414 --> 00:27:23,335
that could benefit you to understand deeply about

766
00:27:23,335 --> 00:27:23,994
your partner

767
00:27:24,750 --> 00:27:25,410
so that

768
00:27:26,269 --> 00:27:28,029
you do have that friendship and you have

769
00:27:28,029 --> 00:27:30,029
that basis for trust, and you've had the

770
00:27:30,029 --> 00:27:32,670
vulnerable moments with one another and and know

771
00:27:32,670 --> 00:27:34,750
that you're safe to know these things? Like,

772
00:27:34,750 --> 00:27:35,490
are there

773
00:27:36,190 --> 00:27:37,970
kink specific things?

774
00:27:38,464 --> 00:27:39,924
Like, is it meaningful

775
00:27:41,105 --> 00:27:41,605
beyond

776
00:27:42,065 --> 00:27:43,505
it's what I like and I'm glad to

777
00:27:43,505 --> 00:27:45,125
know it that I

778
00:27:45,585 --> 00:27:48,224
know, because you've told me, what your journey

779
00:27:48,224 --> 00:27:51,125
into kink was like? Right? Mhmm. Does that

780
00:27:51,630 --> 00:27:52,130
is

781
00:27:52,430 --> 00:27:54,109
and that's the thing. I'm too deep in

782
00:27:54,109 --> 00:27:56,430
the we are in love and are married,

783
00:27:56,430 --> 00:27:57,869
and you're never dying, and I'm never dying,

784
00:27:57,869 --> 00:27:59,650
and we're going out like the lemon leaf.

785
00:28:00,029 --> 00:28:02,509
To be able to separate, does knowing that

786
00:28:02,509 --> 00:28:03,009
benefit

787
00:28:04,025 --> 00:28:06,664
anybody in a power exchange relationship, regardless of

788
00:28:06,664 --> 00:28:07,164
how

789
00:28:07,544 --> 00:28:09,384
long you've been together or how deep you're

790
00:28:09,384 --> 00:28:10,605
gonna take this relationship?

791
00:28:11,224 --> 00:28:13,144
You know what I mean? Yeah. Because we

792
00:28:13,144 --> 00:28:15,865
know plenty of kinksters who they're it's platonic.

793
00:28:15,865 --> 00:28:17,784
They're friends. They live separate lives. They come

794
00:28:17,784 --> 00:28:20,044
together Mhmm. Or they keep it it going

795
00:28:20,044 --> 00:28:23,782
by text. Certainly, long distance folks, you are

796
00:28:23,782 --> 00:28:27,519
separated and you only have your forms of

797
00:28:27,519 --> 00:28:31,257
communication. You know? Well, we we knew some

798
00:28:31,257 --> 00:28:34,994
folks back in back in the Bay Area.

799
00:28:35,714 --> 00:28:37,315
He had play partner that,

800
00:28:38,674 --> 00:28:39,414
for years,

801
00:28:40,035 --> 00:28:42,115
and they were just platonic. And then he

802
00:28:42,115 --> 00:28:44,674
married Mhmm. And still played with the other

803
00:28:44,674 --> 00:28:45,734
partner at times.

804
00:28:46,914 --> 00:28:48,755
So then I would be very curious about

805
00:28:48,755 --> 00:28:51,579
their inner world as their that platonic power

806
00:28:51,579 --> 00:28:54,140
exchange. Mhmm. How deep did their understanding of

807
00:28:54,140 --> 00:28:56,480
each other go? And and was

808
00:28:58,380 --> 00:29:00,240
what was the depth? And and

809
00:29:01,180 --> 00:29:04,345
how, if anything, did that impact that power

810
00:29:04,345 --> 00:29:07,144
exchange regardless of the other relationships a person

811
00:29:07,144 --> 00:29:09,144
had? Like, it's all a thought experiment to

812
00:29:09,144 --> 00:29:11,384
me right now. I have nothing concrete other

813
00:29:11,384 --> 00:29:13,305
than I could not stop thinking of love

814
00:29:13,305 --> 00:29:15,484
maps, one, because I felt validated

815
00:29:15,785 --> 00:29:17,190
as a person who's, like, like, please be

816
00:29:17,190 --> 00:29:17,690
friends

817
00:29:17,990 --> 00:29:20,230
with the person you're, like, doing this thing

818
00:29:20,230 --> 00:29:22,009
with, like them as a human being.

819
00:29:23,669 --> 00:29:25,929
And I just sort of always assumed that

820
00:29:26,630 --> 00:29:27,849
observation, curiosity,

821
00:29:28,470 --> 00:29:30,234
a willingness to share. Sure. Sure. But some

822
00:29:30,234 --> 00:29:32,075
of this stuff just happens over time. Like,

823
00:29:32,075 --> 00:29:32,894
I had never

824
00:29:33,835 --> 00:29:34,575
thought about

825
00:29:35,434 --> 00:29:35,934
purposefully

826
00:29:37,514 --> 00:29:39,674
focusing on how much how well can we

827
00:29:39,674 --> 00:29:41,054
know one another. Right?

828
00:29:42,794 --> 00:29:44,815
And it having a purpose beyond,

829
00:29:45,420 --> 00:29:47,680
that's what you do when you're together forever

830
00:29:47,740 --> 00:29:50,059
and you actually like each other. Right. Which

831
00:29:50,059 --> 00:29:53,019
really I think that's true. That's what happens

832
00:29:53,019 --> 00:29:55,420
when you're together. You're with somebody in whatever

833
00:29:55,420 --> 00:29:58,000
format way that is. Right? Whatever structure.

834
00:29:58,380 --> 00:30:00,720
You're with to get you're together with somebody

835
00:30:00,795 --> 00:30:02,394
for a long enough period of time, and

836
00:30:02,394 --> 00:30:04,154
you genuinely like them, and you have a

837
00:30:04,154 --> 00:30:06,174
genuine curiosity about them.

838
00:30:06,634 --> 00:30:08,315
Mhmm. But I also know that there are

839
00:30:08,315 --> 00:30:09,695
people who, you know,

840
00:30:10,075 --> 00:30:11,535
don't have a genuine curiosity,

841
00:30:11,835 --> 00:30:14,075
might not know what questions to ask, might,

842
00:30:14,075 --> 00:30:14,734
you know,

843
00:30:15,195 --> 00:30:18,049
think that they're, you know, intruding. They don't

844
00:30:18,049 --> 00:30:19,109
wanna, you know,

845
00:30:19,490 --> 00:30:21,650
whatever whatever. And that's that's what I then

846
00:30:21,650 --> 00:30:23,170
come back to when I think about power

847
00:30:23,170 --> 00:30:25,730
exchange specifically. Like, you and I, we got

848
00:30:25,730 --> 00:30:28,049
to this place, air quote, this naturally. Right?

849
00:30:28,049 --> 00:30:29,730
Mhmm. Because I'm a nosy bitch, and I

850
00:30:29,730 --> 00:30:31,964
wanna know shit. Because if I can understand

851
00:30:31,964 --> 00:30:34,045
you, then I know how what to do

852
00:30:34,045 --> 00:30:36,765
with you, around you, how I need to

853
00:30:36,765 --> 00:30:39,325
be like, I it's it's information for me

854
00:30:39,325 --> 00:30:41,325
at that point. Mhmm. But is you know,

855
00:30:41,325 --> 00:30:42,765
I come back to it. And, again, this

856
00:30:42,765 --> 00:30:44,464
whole episode is just a thought experiment.

857
00:30:44,765 --> 00:30:45,984
I got nothing concrete.

858
00:30:46,720 --> 00:30:47,859
Is there a benefit

859
00:30:48,880 --> 00:30:49,859
with specifically

860
00:30:50,319 --> 00:30:52,819
kink knowledge about your partner Mhmm.

861
00:30:53,599 --> 00:30:55,700
And specific to power exchange

862
00:30:56,000 --> 00:30:58,720
regardless of the type of power exchange? Take

863
00:30:58,720 --> 00:31:01,039
out all of us married folk, right, who've

864
00:31:01,039 --> 00:31:03,424
been together for a million years. You know,

865
00:31:03,424 --> 00:31:05,184
if you're invested in one other, you're probably

866
00:31:05,184 --> 00:31:07,664
gonna get there anyway. But, you know, is

867
00:31:07,664 --> 00:31:09,265
it a thing I would tell somebody who's

868
00:31:09,265 --> 00:31:11,984
like, I'm trying to, you know, get closer

869
00:31:11,984 --> 00:31:14,005
with my partner. We're working on our vulnerability

870
00:31:14,144 --> 00:31:15,765
and our intimacy and our communication.

871
00:31:16,545 --> 00:31:18,890
You know, I know what kind of DS

872
00:31:18,890 --> 00:31:20,650
they want. I know what kind of submissive

873
00:31:20,650 --> 00:31:23,289
I I am. Is that enough, or can

874
00:31:23,289 --> 00:31:24,990
you go deeper with this

875
00:31:25,609 --> 00:31:26,589
a kink map?

876
00:31:28,170 --> 00:31:29,609
Let me pull up to give you a

877
00:31:29,609 --> 00:31:30,825
sense of some of the

878
00:31:31,144 --> 00:31:33,065
questions that they say. This will help you

879
00:31:33,065 --> 00:31:35,544
build your love map. Right? Let me let

880
00:31:35,544 --> 00:31:36,204
me find

881
00:31:36,505 --> 00:31:37,404
one of the PDFs

882
00:31:38,825 --> 00:31:40,365
and see. Are there correlations

883
00:31:42,184 --> 00:31:44,365
with kinks that we can make? So, like,

884
00:31:45,019 --> 00:31:46,700
there there's so many questions in this thing.

885
00:31:46,700 --> 00:31:47,819
I'm not gonna read them all. We'd be

886
00:31:47,819 --> 00:31:49,179
here all day for that. But it's like,

887
00:31:49,179 --> 00:31:51,200
name your partner's two closest friends.

888
00:31:52,059 --> 00:31:54,220
What's your partner's favorite musical group, composer, or

889
00:31:54,220 --> 00:31:56,000
instrument? His favorite is Rush.

890
00:31:57,179 --> 00:31:58,940
What was your partner wearing when you first

891
00:31:58,940 --> 00:32:00,934
met? A green shirt that I promptly sweated

892
00:32:00,934 --> 00:32:02,394
through when we got on his motorcycle.

893
00:32:02,934 --> 00:32:03,835
And and jeans.

894
00:32:04,375 --> 00:32:05,914
Jeans because he was on his motorcycle.

895
00:32:06,775 --> 00:32:08,934
What stresses are facing your partner in the

896
00:32:08,934 --> 00:32:09,835
immediate future?

897
00:32:10,535 --> 00:32:12,855
Who's your partner's favorite relative? What's your partner's

898
00:32:12,855 --> 00:32:15,035
favorite food? Some of these things are

899
00:32:16,319 --> 00:32:18,019
superficial to a certain extent.

900
00:32:18,400 --> 00:32:20,400
What turns your partner on sexually? Well, if

901
00:32:20,400 --> 00:32:22,319
I were going to kink that question out,

902
00:32:22,319 --> 00:32:23,220
I'd be like, okay.

903
00:32:23,680 --> 00:32:26,019
What are my partner's kinks

904
00:32:26,400 --> 00:32:29,119
regardless of what we do together? Right. Like,

905
00:32:29,119 --> 00:32:32,025
is that beneficial to know even if, like,

906
00:32:32,085 --> 00:32:34,724
you might be into something I'm never gonna

907
00:32:34,724 --> 00:32:37,384
fucking do with you. Mhmm. Does it benefit

908
00:32:37,765 --> 00:32:40,505
our power exchange to have that knowledge

909
00:32:40,805 --> 00:32:41,465
of you?

910
00:32:41,845 --> 00:32:43,144
I don't know if it would

911
00:32:44,005 --> 00:32:44,505
specifically

912
00:32:44,965 --> 00:32:45,465
benefit

913
00:32:46,500 --> 00:32:49,059
in a way, but I I think that

914
00:32:49,059 --> 00:32:51,480
would be good knowledge to know regardless.

915
00:32:51,859 --> 00:32:52,359
Mhmm.

916
00:32:53,539 --> 00:32:55,460
Because it just kind of goes hand in

917
00:32:55,460 --> 00:32:56,519
hand with understanding.

918
00:32:57,140 --> 00:32:57,880
Just because

919
00:32:59,875 --> 00:33:01,795
you know, I don't like something, but you

920
00:33:01,795 --> 00:33:03,335
wanna do it Mhmm.

921
00:33:04,115 --> 00:33:06,055
Doesn't mean I shouldn't understand it.

922
00:33:06,595 --> 00:33:08,115
I agree with that. I agree with that

923
00:33:08,115 --> 00:33:10,055
because I think the more

924
00:33:10,835 --> 00:33:12,419
knowledge you have about your partner, the more

925
00:33:12,419 --> 00:33:14,099
you understand one another, the closer you can

926
00:33:14,099 --> 00:33:16,259
feel connected to each other. Then again too,

927
00:33:16,259 --> 00:33:19,059
I'm just a naturally curious person, so I

928
00:33:19,059 --> 00:33:20,900
always wanna look under the hood, but Nosy

929
00:33:20,900 --> 00:33:22,200
bitches unite. Okay.

930
00:33:25,375 --> 00:33:27,454
And you know what? I'm I'm being unfair

931
00:33:27,454 --> 00:33:28,734
to some of these questions because I'm like,

932
00:33:28,734 --> 00:33:30,575
well, these feel superficial. Well, you know what?

933
00:33:30,575 --> 00:33:32,654
It's actually way more than 20, but it

934
00:33:32,654 --> 00:33:33,954
is the 20,

935
00:33:37,134 --> 00:33:38,940
20 questions game, I can't remember

936
00:33:39,659 --> 00:33:40,779
what that thing's called, that we played back

937
00:33:40,779 --> 00:33:42,859
in the day. Right? Like, I was asking,

938
00:33:42,859 --> 00:33:44,940
what's your favorite movie? What do you like

939
00:33:44,940 --> 00:33:45,919
to do for fun?

940
00:33:47,419 --> 00:33:49,500
I think I remember asking, what's your favorite

941
00:33:49,500 --> 00:33:50,960
dessert? Which at this point,

942
00:33:51,339 --> 00:33:53,164
I I don't remember what you answered, but

943
00:33:53,164 --> 00:33:55,244
I know it's anything Apple at this point.

944
00:33:55,244 --> 00:33:56,525
Oh my. I don't even think that was

945
00:33:56,525 --> 00:33:58,684
your answer back then, but I know that

946
00:33:58,684 --> 00:34:00,205
now. Right? So so I can go back

947
00:34:00,205 --> 00:34:02,465
and look. You my god.

948
00:34:04,525 --> 00:34:05,664
So these questions,

949
00:34:06,045 --> 00:34:06,705
you know,

950
00:34:07,549 --> 00:34:08,449
they are very

951
00:34:09,230 --> 00:34:11,730
non kinky. Most of them are non sexual.

952
00:34:11,869 --> 00:34:15,309
Mhmm. You know? So to build something like

953
00:34:15,309 --> 00:34:16,449
that like, I think

954
00:34:16,829 --> 00:34:18,769
anybody could do this with any partner,

955
00:34:19,554 --> 00:34:22,755
whether it's platonic, romantic, sexual, whatever whatever. I

956
00:34:22,755 --> 00:34:25,074
think you could build the love map as

957
00:34:25,074 --> 00:34:27,074
they describe it with your partner. There's not,

958
00:34:27,074 --> 00:34:28,515
you know, if you haven't already done it

959
00:34:28,515 --> 00:34:30,275
and it's, you know, you want to know

960
00:34:30,275 --> 00:34:31,474
these things about each other, you want to

961
00:34:31,474 --> 00:34:33,235
share, you're willing to share them, cool cool

962
00:34:33,235 --> 00:34:33,570
cool.

963
00:34:34,530 --> 00:34:36,449
But my I can't stop thinking about, well,

964
00:34:36,449 --> 00:34:37,670
what kink questions

965
00:34:38,449 --> 00:34:41,730
would give you a peek allow your partner

966
00:34:41,730 --> 00:34:43,410
to have a peek into your inner world,

967
00:34:43,410 --> 00:34:45,329
allow you to understand your partner a little

968
00:34:45,329 --> 00:34:46,550
bit better, like what?

969
00:34:47,355 --> 00:34:48,815
Or does it even matter?

970
00:34:49,195 --> 00:34:50,414
Does it even matter?

971
00:34:51,275 --> 00:34:52,014
You know,

972
00:34:54,474 --> 00:34:56,235
to to say a particular thing, I think

973
00:34:56,235 --> 00:34:57,295
that would be difficult

974
00:34:57,994 --> 00:34:58,735
in lifestyle,

975
00:34:59,434 --> 00:35:00,335
because that's

976
00:35:01,299 --> 00:35:03,239
why many people use a

977
00:35:05,460 --> 00:35:05,960
Checklist.

978
00:35:06,260 --> 00:35:08,260
Mhmm. You know, because there are so many

979
00:35:08,260 --> 00:35:10,599
things, so many possibilities, so many different combinations.

980
00:35:11,299 --> 00:35:13,940
So are we, without knowing it, and why

981
00:35:14,019 --> 00:35:16,125
we being the universal kinky, are we

982
00:35:16,744 --> 00:35:17,244
building

983
00:35:17,545 --> 00:35:18,684
our own version

984
00:35:20,184 --> 00:35:22,025
of a kinky love map? I think I

985
00:35:22,025 --> 00:35:24,445
think so. After so many years, yeah.

986
00:35:24,825 --> 00:35:26,985
We, yes. We But I mean, like No.

987
00:35:26,985 --> 00:35:28,425
I mean I mean in general too. Yeah.

988
00:35:28,425 --> 00:35:29,965
Through the through the through the community.

989
00:35:30,265 --> 00:35:32,000
I think, yes, that's definitely a thing that

990
00:35:32,000 --> 00:35:33,539
has been happening whether

991
00:35:34,800 --> 00:35:36,260
subconsciously or consciously.

992
00:35:36,559 --> 00:35:37,059
Mhmm.

993
00:35:37,519 --> 00:35:38,179
You know,

994
00:35:38,480 --> 00:35:38,980
because

995
00:35:39,359 --> 00:35:39,859
and

996
00:35:40,239 --> 00:35:42,579
and you know, it's even morphed

997
00:35:43,359 --> 00:35:44,579
over the years because,

998
00:35:46,594 --> 00:35:48,034
oh gosh, I can't even think of what

999
00:35:48,034 --> 00:35:48,934
it is now.

1000
00:35:52,835 --> 00:35:54,275
It's been so long since we used it

1001
00:35:54,275 --> 00:35:54,775
because,

1002
00:35:55,554 --> 00:35:57,234
rack and then the We were still aware

1003
00:35:57,234 --> 00:35:58,994
consensual came. Right. But then the one that

1004
00:35:58,994 --> 00:35:59,494
came

1005
00:36:00,630 --> 00:36:01,130
first.

1006
00:36:01,670 --> 00:36:04,150
Safe Safe, Staying, and Consensual. Yes. Thank you.

1007
00:36:04,150 --> 00:36:05,750
SSC. Yeah. Oh my god. Yeah. We haven't

1008
00:36:05,750 --> 00:36:06,650
used that forever.

1009
00:36:07,829 --> 00:36:09,750
Yeah. You know, I mean, that was kind

1010
00:36:09,750 --> 00:36:10,489
of the first

1011
00:36:11,030 --> 00:36:11,530
iteration

1012
00:36:12,085 --> 00:36:14,184
of it, and it has morphed

1013
00:36:14,644 --> 00:36:15,925
throughout the year, you know, and I have

1014
00:36:15,925 --> 00:36:19,045
RAC. There's there's even several newer ones. The

1015
00:36:19,045 --> 00:36:20,724
only one I know after RAC is Prick,

1016
00:36:20,724 --> 00:36:22,885
but I can't Right. And I think I

1017
00:36:22,885 --> 00:36:24,244
think you're right. They think there's something that

1018
00:36:24,244 --> 00:36:25,364
came after that, but I don't know what

1019
00:36:25,364 --> 00:36:26,324
it is. I haven't seen that. So, you

1020
00:36:26,324 --> 00:36:28,619
know, that is that is the evolution Mhmm.

1021
00:36:28,739 --> 00:36:30,039
Of it all. Mhmm.

1022
00:36:30,739 --> 00:36:32,179
So, you know, it it's

1023
00:36:33,539 --> 00:36:34,920
and I I think with

1024
00:36:35,300 --> 00:36:35,960
with DS

1025
00:36:36,420 --> 00:36:38,679
there is a little bit

1026
00:36:43,114 --> 00:36:45,034
Maybe not. I I kinda lost that thought,

1027
00:36:45,034 --> 00:36:46,574
that tread. I hate that. Yeah.

1028
00:36:46,954 --> 00:36:50,234
It happens. Mhmm. So then, here's my question.

1029
00:36:50,234 --> 00:36:50,974
Yeah. So

1030
00:36:51,434 --> 00:36:51,934
if

1031
00:36:52,394 --> 00:36:53,135
the Gottmans

1032
00:36:53,514 --> 00:36:54,014
are

1033
00:36:54,315 --> 00:36:57,114
even remotely accurate in their assessment Mhmm. That

1034
00:36:57,114 --> 00:37:00,099
the strong foundation of, in their case, marriage

1035
00:37:00,099 --> 00:37:01,940
is what they're talking about Mhmm. Is that

1036
00:37:01,940 --> 00:37:05,059
marital friendship, is that love map, is what

1037
00:37:05,059 --> 00:37:07,699
builds the foundation of your, you know, relationship

1038
00:37:07,699 --> 00:37:09,059
house or whatever the hell they call it.

1039
00:37:09,059 --> 00:37:09,559
Right?

1040
00:37:11,485 --> 00:37:13,724
And we've said that before, like, as power

1041
00:37:13,724 --> 00:37:14,224
exchange.

1042
00:37:14,605 --> 00:37:16,764
Right? Have your have your base. But so

1043
00:37:16,764 --> 00:37:18,684
here's what I'm curious about. So then they

1044
00:37:18,764 --> 00:37:19,744
then the

1045
00:37:20,125 --> 00:37:21,644
the thing that comes from that is if

1046
00:37:21,644 --> 00:37:22,784
you do not have

1047
00:37:23,244 --> 00:37:25,130
a love map of your partner, and we're

1048
00:37:25,130 --> 00:37:27,530
talking about the Gottman's sort of version of

1049
00:37:27,530 --> 00:37:29,309
it, then there's Jamie's

1050
00:37:29,610 --> 00:37:30,110
phone.

1051
00:37:32,730 --> 00:37:34,750
This is chaotic, more so than usual.

1052
00:37:36,090 --> 00:37:38,010
So the premise being if you do not

1053
00:37:38,010 --> 00:37:40,364
have a strong love map of,

1054
00:37:41,405 --> 00:37:42,144
your, you know,

1055
00:37:43,005 --> 00:37:45,644
husband, wife, whatever whatever Mhmm. Then that is

1056
00:37:45,644 --> 00:37:47,344
how relationships can't

1057
00:37:47,724 --> 00:37:50,545
stand the test of time because there is,

1058
00:37:51,644 --> 00:37:52,784
there are times when

1059
00:37:53,429 --> 00:37:54,170
you don't

1060
00:37:54,469 --> 00:37:56,869
really even wanna be around the other person

1061
00:37:56,869 --> 00:37:58,949
all that much. You're certainly not thinking about

1062
00:37:59,190 --> 00:38:00,949
Mhmm. You know, and I'm talking in terms

1063
00:38:00,949 --> 00:38:02,809
of marital. You're not thinking about sex.

1064
00:38:03,190 --> 00:38:05,510
You're stressed out to all hell and back.

1065
00:38:05,510 --> 00:38:07,530
You know, life is hard,

1066
00:38:08,264 --> 00:38:09,724
and it's easy to

1067
00:38:11,065 --> 00:38:13,545
take that stress out on a partner, which

1068
00:38:13,545 --> 00:38:15,545
is goes back to where we've talked many

1069
00:38:15,545 --> 00:38:17,005
times about how it's not

1070
00:38:18,105 --> 00:38:20,424
me versus you. It's us versus the problem

1071
00:38:20,424 --> 00:38:22,904
and blah blah blah. Right? Okay. So take

1072
00:38:22,904 --> 00:38:23,885
that back to kink.

1073
00:38:24,739 --> 00:38:25,880
Is it possible

1074
00:38:27,139 --> 00:38:28,519
that one of

1075
00:38:28,980 --> 00:38:31,460
many reasons why a relationship does not work

1076
00:38:31,460 --> 00:38:33,859
out in power exchange there are so many

1077
00:38:33,859 --> 00:38:36,579
reasons why relationships don't work out. But is

1078
00:38:36,579 --> 00:38:38,039
it possible that

1079
00:38:38,579 --> 00:38:40,364
it's not a strong enough

1080
00:38:41,945 --> 00:38:43,085
whether it's negotiation

1081
00:38:43,465 --> 00:38:45,864
or just communication about kink And that not

1082
00:38:45,864 --> 00:38:48,585
strong enough understanding of one another? Yeah. From

1083
00:38:48,585 --> 00:38:49,485
a kink perspective.

1084
00:38:49,945 --> 00:38:52,585
That again, there are so many reasons relationships

1085
00:38:52,664 --> 00:38:54,859
Yeah. I don't last. And sometimes it's just

1086
00:38:54,940 --> 00:38:57,099
sometimes it's a shitty human being being a

1087
00:38:57,099 --> 00:38:58,780
shitty human being. Yeah. But I don't wanna

1088
00:38:58,780 --> 00:39:01,519
negate that. But sometimes it's people who genuinely

1089
00:39:01,820 --> 00:39:04,140
care about one another Mhmm. Or thought they

1090
00:39:04,140 --> 00:39:06,800
did or negotiated something in good faith,

1091
00:39:08,114 --> 00:39:10,135
but it can't ever get, like, past

1092
00:39:10,835 --> 00:39:12,934
a point or it goes off the rails

1093
00:39:13,315 --> 00:39:13,815
or,

1094
00:39:14,275 --> 00:39:14,934
you know,

1095
00:39:16,034 --> 00:39:19,414
to it's people not really seeing, hearing, understanding

1096
00:39:19,474 --> 00:39:21,335
one of their from a kink perspective.

1097
00:39:22,000 --> 00:39:23,380
Do you think that that

1098
00:39:25,119 --> 00:39:26,099
how do I put this?

1099
00:39:26,960 --> 00:39:29,460
Can that kind of lack of kink map

1100
00:39:30,880 --> 00:39:33,039
impact the power exchange in the way that

1101
00:39:33,039 --> 00:39:35,539
the lack of a strong love map

1102
00:39:36,444 --> 00:39:37,585
presumably impacts

1103
00:39:38,284 --> 00:39:38,944
a marriage.

1104
00:39:39,724 --> 00:39:41,565
Is there a correlation there at all? I

1105
00:39:41,565 --> 00:39:43,984
I think so. I think there is. And

1106
00:39:44,284 --> 00:39:44,784
the

1107
00:39:45,405 --> 00:39:47,824
the worst part about it

1108
00:39:48,364 --> 00:39:48,864
is

1109
00:39:49,324 --> 00:39:50,144
in kink,

1110
00:39:51,179 --> 00:39:53,760
you know, if you don't have that understanding

1111
00:39:54,699 --> 00:39:55,599
of your partner,

1112
00:39:56,699 --> 00:39:58,559
somebody can get hurt. Absolutely.

1113
00:40:00,059 --> 00:40:01,659
On multiple levels. And I and I I'm

1114
00:40:01,659 --> 00:40:03,675
not saying that can't happen in in a

1115
00:40:03,675 --> 00:40:06,075
regular relationship Sure. With with the love map

1116
00:40:06,075 --> 00:40:07,215
kind of thing. There

1117
00:40:07,515 --> 00:40:10,595
is, you know, definitely some emotional hurt Mhmm.

1118
00:40:10,795 --> 00:40:12,015
If things don't happen.

1119
00:40:12,555 --> 00:40:15,035
But in the DS, you know, you've got

1120
00:40:15,035 --> 00:40:15,695
the added

1121
00:40:16,550 --> 00:40:19,190
thing of physical harm Right. That could happen.

1122
00:40:19,190 --> 00:40:19,690
Absolutely.

1123
00:40:20,389 --> 00:40:20,889
Absolutely.

1124
00:40:21,190 --> 00:40:23,349
And mental and emotional. Yeah. You know, you

1125
00:40:23,349 --> 00:40:25,989
could traumatize somebody. So oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

1126
00:40:25,989 --> 00:40:28,550
Yeah. And never, like, actually physically harm their

1127
00:40:28,550 --> 00:40:29,050
body.

1128
00:40:30,805 --> 00:40:31,305
So

1129
00:40:32,405 --> 00:40:33,625
is it yet again?

1130
00:40:35,445 --> 00:40:38,805
For the most part, with definite exceptions, it's

1131
00:40:38,805 --> 00:40:39,625
sort of understood,

1132
00:40:40,244 --> 00:40:42,664
almost scientifically at this point, that kinksters,

1133
00:40:44,039 --> 00:40:45,400
the kind who are doing it and trying

1134
00:40:45,400 --> 00:40:47,160
to be, like, good at it and healthy

1135
00:40:47,160 --> 00:40:48,059
at it, right,

1136
00:40:48,519 --> 00:40:49,660
have better communication.

1137
00:40:51,800 --> 00:40:53,880
They even find I have seen one or

1138
00:40:53,880 --> 00:40:55,739
two studies that say this, that we have,

1139
00:40:57,215 --> 00:40:59,454
I don't know if better mental health is

1140
00:40:59,454 --> 00:41:01,215
the right term, but sort of a better

1141
00:41:01,215 --> 00:41:03,695
understanding of of mental health Yeah. And certainly

1142
00:41:03,695 --> 00:41:04,994
better communication skills

1143
00:41:05,454 --> 00:41:08,035
as a whole on average. Right? Mhmm.

1144
00:41:08,660 --> 00:41:10,920
So have we, through negotiations,

1145
00:41:11,860 --> 00:41:12,920
through checklists,

1146
00:41:13,380 --> 00:41:15,000
through consent sheets,

1147
00:41:15,619 --> 00:41:18,900
literal worksheets, have we been already doing this

1148
00:41:18,900 --> 00:41:21,239
and the vanillas are just now catching up?

1149
00:41:22,445 --> 00:41:24,045
Well, I don't know that. I don't know

1150
00:41:24,045 --> 00:41:26,125
about about just catching up. I mean, how

1151
00:41:26,125 --> 00:41:27,965
long they've been doing the study? Fifty years.

1152
00:41:27,965 --> 00:41:29,264
I know. I'm Yeah.

1153
00:41:29,644 --> 00:41:30,625
Yeah. But it's

1154
00:41:30,925 --> 00:41:32,284
it's two people

1155
00:41:32,605 --> 00:41:33,105
Yeah.

1156
00:41:33,724 --> 00:41:35,489
Trying to tell the world, hey. You need

1157
00:41:35,489 --> 00:41:37,730
a better fucking love map with your partner.

1158
00:41:37,730 --> 00:41:39,889
Mhmm. And kingsters are over here going, bitch,

1159
00:41:39,889 --> 00:41:40,789
I got workbooks.

1160
00:41:41,170 --> 00:41:43,570
I got, you know, published books. I got

1161
00:41:43,570 --> 00:41:46,690
these worksheets right here. Mhmm. Is this

1162
00:41:47,775 --> 00:41:50,355
it's clearly different. Right? The love map

1163
00:41:50,815 --> 00:41:53,534
versus what the kink version might be. But

1164
00:41:53,534 --> 00:41:53,855
is it

1165
00:41:54,655 --> 00:41:56,114
They stole it from us.

1166
00:41:57,375 --> 00:41:58,974
I don't think they're one to one the

1167
00:41:58,974 --> 00:41:59,474
same,

1168
00:41:59,775 --> 00:42:01,855
but there's, you know is that what we're

1169
00:42:01,855 --> 00:42:04,190
doing? There's definitely an, you know On a

1170
00:42:04,190 --> 00:42:07,969
certain level. Venn diagram overlap there. Mhmm. Okay.

1171
00:42:08,269 --> 00:42:09,869
So, yeah. I I I think,

1172
00:42:11,469 --> 00:42:12,369
you know, whether,

1173
00:42:13,309 --> 00:42:15,869
again, consciously or unconsciously that, you know, kinks

1174
00:42:15,869 --> 00:42:17,625
are starting we're doing this that,

1175
00:42:18,425 --> 00:42:20,045
you know, yeah. It it's

1176
00:42:20,824 --> 00:42:22,844
it's a good thing. Oh, absolutely. Absolutely.

1177
00:42:23,864 --> 00:42:24,105
And,

1178
00:42:24,985 --> 00:42:25,644
you know,

1179
00:42:26,824 --> 00:42:28,905
I I don't know. They I I think

1180
00:42:28,905 --> 00:42:31,144
they took it from us and been notified

1181
00:42:31,144 --> 00:42:32,664
it. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. For sure. For

1182
00:42:32,664 --> 00:42:34,369
sure. Like, oh, those kinky people

1183
00:42:34,670 --> 00:42:36,989
tend to have better outcomes. Not always. We

1184
00:42:36,989 --> 00:42:39,230
know they're Yeah. We know they're the awful

1185
00:42:39,230 --> 00:42:42,130
people. And we also know that many people

1186
00:42:42,190 --> 00:42:42,690
struggle

1187
00:42:42,989 --> 00:42:45,469
to be that vulnerable with a partner for

1188
00:42:45,469 --> 00:42:47,389
all kinds of reasons. Right. The other thing

1189
00:42:47,389 --> 00:42:48,530
I think that sometimes

1190
00:42:49,494 --> 00:42:50,954
a person is just not

1191
00:42:51,574 --> 00:42:54,375
curious enough about their partner for whatever their

1192
00:42:54,375 --> 00:42:55,594
reasons are. Right?

1193
00:42:56,534 --> 00:42:57,034
Because

1194
00:42:57,974 --> 00:43:00,054
I don't know. I can't maybe it's because

1195
00:43:00,054 --> 00:43:00,554
I

1196
00:43:01,414 --> 00:43:02,315
cannot imagine

1197
00:43:02,855 --> 00:43:03,355
any

1198
00:43:04,250 --> 00:43:06,489
power exchange that did not come with some

1199
00:43:06,489 --> 00:43:09,690
depth of emotion and connection because Mhmm. I

1200
00:43:09,690 --> 00:43:13,050
mean, I don't do anything relationship or sexual

1201
00:43:13,050 --> 00:43:15,630
without some kind of connection somewhere, not necessarily

1202
00:43:15,769 --> 00:43:17,530
directly with the person, but there it's there's

1203
00:43:17,530 --> 00:43:19,905
gotta be a connecting force, and that's how

1204
00:43:19,905 --> 00:43:20,644
I'm wired.

1205
00:43:21,105 --> 00:43:23,905
But, you know, I just can't imagine doing

1206
00:43:23,905 --> 00:43:27,425
power exchange, especially long term, especially, like, negotiated.

1207
00:43:27,425 --> 00:43:28,864
This is your role. This is my role.

1208
00:43:28,864 --> 00:43:30,144
These are the things we're going to do

1209
00:43:30,144 --> 00:43:32,889
together, and not being curious about the other

1210
00:43:32,889 --> 00:43:34,510
person. Mhmm. You know?

1211
00:43:35,849 --> 00:43:37,289
I'm sure there are people out there. They

1212
00:43:37,289 --> 00:43:38,489
make it work. It's fine. It's fine. It's

1213
00:43:38,489 --> 00:43:40,730
fine. But if I wanna be connected to

1214
00:43:40,730 --> 00:43:41,710
a human being

1215
00:43:42,010 --> 00:43:45,869
in such a vulnerable way, such an intimate

1216
00:43:46,090 --> 00:43:46,590
way

1217
00:43:47,364 --> 00:43:49,605
for any amount of time. I wanna I'm

1218
00:43:49,605 --> 00:43:51,684
a nosy bitch. I wanna know about this

1219
00:43:51,684 --> 00:43:52,184
person.

1220
00:43:53,204 --> 00:43:55,125
And for me personally, just sort of how

1221
00:43:55,125 --> 00:43:57,285
I view the world and not just from,

1222
00:43:57,285 --> 00:43:59,219
like, the things I should see a therapist

1223
00:43:59,219 --> 00:44:00,659
over. I know there's some of that too.

1224
00:44:00,659 --> 00:44:02,900
I'm hyper vigilant, like I know stuff and

1225
00:44:02,900 --> 00:44:03,719
I get it.

1226
00:44:04,340 --> 00:44:07,300
But like I wanna know your inner world

1227
00:44:07,300 --> 00:44:09,059
to a certain extent. I wanna kind of

1228
00:44:09,059 --> 00:44:10,760
like know how a person,

1229
00:44:11,465 --> 00:44:13,545
you know, ticks and what what makes them

1230
00:44:13,545 --> 00:44:15,385
tick and how they, like, view the world

1231
00:44:15,385 --> 00:44:16,445
and how how,

1232
00:44:16,744 --> 00:44:17,324
you know,

1233
00:44:18,105 --> 00:44:19,804
just stuff about them,

1234
00:44:20,505 --> 00:44:21,724
mostly from a nosy

1235
00:44:22,344 --> 00:44:22,844
perspective.

1236
00:44:23,385 --> 00:44:24,985
But I do think I take that kind

1237
00:44:24,985 --> 00:44:26,284
of information in

1238
00:44:27,140 --> 00:44:29,460
as a submissive too, you know. And I

1239
00:44:29,460 --> 00:44:30,840
think dominants take

1240
00:44:31,460 --> 00:44:33,619
some version of that information because the more

1241
00:44:33,619 --> 00:44:35,219
you can kinda understand your partner, the more

1242
00:44:35,219 --> 00:44:36,820
you can tailor what you're doing with one

1243
00:44:36,820 --> 00:44:37,320
another

1244
00:44:37,940 --> 00:44:39,940
to fit each other. Well, to fit each

1245
00:44:39,940 --> 00:44:41,480
other and and, you know,

1246
00:44:43,005 --> 00:44:45,744
from either a relationship or a king side,

1247
00:44:45,964 --> 00:44:48,204
you know how much you line up. There

1248
00:44:48,204 --> 00:44:50,525
is that too. I think initial negotiations help

1249
00:44:50,525 --> 00:44:52,924
with that. Yeah. I think it's like many

1250
00:44:52,924 --> 00:44:54,924
people I see, like, online talking about their

1251
00:44:54,924 --> 00:44:56,385
relationships or where it didn't

1252
00:44:56,719 --> 00:44:58,319
go well or in the emails we get

1253
00:44:58,319 --> 00:45:00,319
where things didn't go well. Mhmm. It's like

1254
00:45:00,319 --> 00:45:01,380
the initial negotiations

1255
00:45:01,679 --> 00:45:04,159
tend to be fine, and then somewhere after

1256
00:45:04,159 --> 00:45:04,659
that,

1257
00:45:05,199 --> 00:45:07,940
things are off. Sometimes it's the first conflict,

1258
00:45:08,159 --> 00:45:10,400
and Mhmm. One or both sides of that

1259
00:45:10,400 --> 00:45:11,985
don't know how to resolve that

1260
00:45:12,785 --> 00:45:13,025
well.

1261
00:45:13,905 --> 00:45:16,785
Sometimes it's a, well, they said this is

1262
00:45:16,785 --> 00:45:18,144
what they wanted and this is who they

1263
00:45:18,144 --> 00:45:19,505
were and this is what they would do,

1264
00:45:19,505 --> 00:45:21,905
but now it's not matching up after the

1265
00:45:21,905 --> 00:45:24,224
initial excitement has worn off. Or it's the

1266
00:45:24,224 --> 00:45:26,789
new relationship energy has died off. We are

1267
00:45:26,789 --> 00:45:28,969
outside of that honeymoon period and you're like,

1268
00:45:31,190 --> 00:45:33,450
what am I who you know?

1269
00:45:34,070 --> 00:45:36,630
I just I know there are lots of

1270
00:45:36,869 --> 00:45:38,090
there's so many variables.

1271
00:45:38,710 --> 00:45:41,474
It's why I kind of feel like

1272
00:45:43,235 --> 00:45:46,355
this is the this is my bias coming

1273
00:45:46,355 --> 00:45:48,035
right on out. And I know I'm not

1274
00:45:48,035 --> 00:45:49,635
correct about it, but I'll just tell you

1275
00:45:49,635 --> 00:45:51,894
how what's in my heart, I guess.

1276
00:45:52,434 --> 00:45:54,675
It feels like the the concept of just

1277
00:45:54,675 --> 00:45:56,135
a love map, right,

1278
00:45:56,434 --> 00:45:58,980
is really it's simple and it's useful for

1279
00:45:58,980 --> 00:45:59,960
something like marriage.

1280
00:46:00,420 --> 00:46:02,739
But something about power exchange and kink is

1281
00:46:02,739 --> 00:46:05,480
way too fucking nuanced for something that

1282
00:46:05,940 --> 00:46:08,179
simplistic. Yeah. Does that make sense? Like, I

1283
00:46:08,179 --> 00:46:09,079
think it's because

1284
00:46:09,619 --> 00:46:11,140
and I'm sure I know this is true

1285
00:46:11,140 --> 00:46:12,534
for marriage. I had a marriage that was

1286
00:46:12,534 --> 00:46:14,295
not kinky, and I was miserable and got

1287
00:46:14,295 --> 00:46:14,875
out of

1288
00:46:15,255 --> 00:46:16,074
it. But, like,

1289
00:46:16,454 --> 00:46:19,015
I could not tell a kinky couple, well,

1290
00:46:19,015 --> 00:46:20,855
you just need to strengthen your kink map

1291
00:46:20,855 --> 00:46:22,614
or your love map, and it'll be okay.

1292
00:46:22,614 --> 00:46:24,695
It's like, well, no. If we do not

1293
00:46:24,695 --> 00:46:27,320
align Right. In all of these different ways,

1294
00:46:27,320 --> 00:46:29,239
it does not matter how much we might

1295
00:46:29,239 --> 00:46:32,599
like each other personally. Right? Or we really

1296
00:46:32,599 --> 00:46:34,519
like each other personally, but we can't make

1297
00:46:34,519 --> 00:46:36,519
the kink work. So how are like, you

1298
00:46:36,519 --> 00:46:37,340
know what I mean?

1299
00:46:38,119 --> 00:46:40,755
So I if it I think it might

1300
00:46:40,755 --> 00:46:42,054
be, and this is my bias,

1301
00:46:42,594 --> 00:46:44,835
that concept of just a love map is

1302
00:46:44,835 --> 00:46:47,954
is not nuanced enough for what it takes

1303
00:46:47,954 --> 00:46:50,514
to have a power exchange that, you know,

1304
00:46:50,514 --> 00:46:52,530
can be fulfilling for everybody involved.

1305
00:46:53,250 --> 00:46:54,630
Like, it might be one

1306
00:46:55,170 --> 00:46:57,730
piece of it, but it's not I would

1307
00:46:57,730 --> 00:46:59,670
not call the love map the

1308
00:46:59,969 --> 00:47:00,469
foundation.

1309
00:47:01,329 --> 00:47:02,550
I would call your compatibility

1310
00:47:02,929 --> 00:47:05,969
and friendship and genuinely liking this person part

1311
00:47:05,969 --> 00:47:07,974
of the foundation. I mean, even with a

1312
00:47:07,974 --> 00:47:09,434
relationship, you know, I've

1313
00:47:09,974 --> 00:47:11,974
said in the past that we talked about

1314
00:47:11,974 --> 00:47:14,155
it, you know, having your foundation for kink,

1315
00:47:14,375 --> 00:47:15,195
it, you know,

1316
00:47:15,574 --> 00:47:18,074
your your communication, your trust, and

1317
00:47:18,775 --> 00:47:21,175
Mhmm. You know, those all those things help

1318
00:47:21,175 --> 00:47:24,050
build the the foundation. Mhmm. Okay.

1319
00:47:24,910 --> 00:47:26,590
And and this could just be another part

1320
00:47:26,590 --> 00:47:28,430
of it. Is it is it, an a

1321
00:47:28,430 --> 00:47:30,430
whole and entirety of it in and of

1322
00:47:30,430 --> 00:47:30,930
itself?

1323
00:47:31,230 --> 00:47:31,730
No.

1324
00:47:32,510 --> 00:47:34,690
But I think it's a fairly good percentage.

1325
00:47:35,125 --> 00:47:37,525
Mhmm. You know, for to understand and know

1326
00:47:37,525 --> 00:47:40,085
your partner like that. Yes. I think the

1327
00:47:40,085 --> 00:47:43,045
way I'm seeing love maps described for non

1328
00:47:43,045 --> 00:47:43,545
kinky

1329
00:47:43,925 --> 00:47:46,485
marriages or partnerships. Right? Is, like, this is

1330
00:47:46,485 --> 00:47:48,885
your foundation. If you have this, then you

1331
00:47:48,885 --> 00:47:52,429
build upon that. And I would say for

1332
00:47:52,489 --> 00:47:53,630
for power exchange,

1333
00:47:54,809 --> 00:47:56,650
a love map or some version of it

1334
00:47:56,650 --> 00:47:59,050
is the outcome of what the foundation for

1335
00:47:59,050 --> 00:48:01,530
power exchange is. Right? Mhmm. The the outcome

1336
00:48:01,530 --> 00:48:03,150
of a love map is communication.

1337
00:48:03,449 --> 00:48:06,344
It is trust. It is vulnerability. It is

1338
00:48:06,344 --> 00:48:06,844
intimacy.

1339
00:48:07,224 --> 00:48:10,265
It is genuine curiosity about your partner to

1340
00:48:10,265 --> 00:48:12,525
the extent that both everybody wants to share.

1341
00:48:12,905 --> 00:48:13,565
It is,

1342
00:48:15,065 --> 00:48:18,344
the compatibility of kinks. It is friendship. That's

1343
00:48:18,344 --> 00:48:21,110
the fucking base. And the love map to

1344
00:48:21,110 --> 00:48:21,610
me,

1345
00:48:21,910 --> 00:48:23,910
if it that exists in some kink version

1346
00:48:23,910 --> 00:48:25,590
or it's the love map like you and

1347
00:48:25,590 --> 00:48:26,890
I would have with one another,

1348
00:48:27,269 --> 00:48:29,750
that's the outcome of all of that. That's

1349
00:48:29,750 --> 00:48:30,489
the carpet

1350
00:48:30,869 --> 00:48:32,890
on top of the foundation. That's the flooring.

1351
00:48:33,590 --> 00:48:35,885
The the concrete fucking base

1352
00:48:36,265 --> 00:48:38,105
is all the stuff that builds something like

1353
00:48:38,105 --> 00:48:38,925
a love map.

1354
00:48:39,465 --> 00:48:41,305
True. Yeah. I think that's where I land

1355
00:48:41,305 --> 00:48:42,285
on that. Yeah.

1356
00:48:43,065 --> 00:48:44,364
Yeah. It's a good landing.

1357
00:48:47,269 --> 00:48:49,429
Did I stick the landing? No. I wobbled

1358
00:48:49,429 --> 00:48:50,789
all the way to it, but that's okay.

1359
00:48:50,789 --> 00:48:52,090
That's okay. That's okay.

1360
00:48:53,030 --> 00:48:54,730
So you do seven five, though.

1361
00:48:55,269 --> 00:48:56,090
Not more?

1362
00:48:56,949 --> 00:48:58,550
Not even out of 10? I don't get

1363
00:48:58,550 --> 00:48:59,050
more.

1364
00:48:59,349 --> 00:49:00,630
Actually, that's not how they,

1365
00:49:02,364 --> 00:49:03,805
I think it's, like, a maximum of, like,

1366
00:49:03,805 --> 00:49:06,125
16 or 17 points now, and nobody can

1367
00:49:06,125 --> 00:49:07,405
get there. I don't know. Yeah. Now I've

1368
00:49:07,405 --> 00:49:08,785
gone down a different rabbit hole.

1369
00:49:09,965 --> 00:49:12,285
I don't know that my mind will let

1370
00:49:12,285 --> 00:49:13,265
go of this

1371
00:49:13,644 --> 00:49:14,545
idea that

1372
00:49:15,210 --> 00:49:17,369
there are specific questions and kink outside of

1373
00:49:17,369 --> 00:49:18,510
negotiations Mhmm.

1374
00:49:19,130 --> 00:49:21,210
That could help you understand your kinky partners

1375
00:49:21,210 --> 00:49:23,130
and enroll better. My mind's not coming up

1376
00:49:23,130 --> 00:49:25,050
with those questions, so maybe it never will.

1377
00:49:25,050 --> 00:49:26,809
But, like, I've latched on to that. Like,

1378
00:49:26,809 --> 00:49:28,030
because my thing is

1379
00:49:28,525 --> 00:49:30,684
not the love map. Like, I'm I'm fine

1380
00:49:30,684 --> 00:49:33,025
with whatever. Mhmm. It's the

1381
00:49:33,644 --> 00:49:34,945
what kind of conversations

1382
00:49:35,724 --> 00:49:38,465
outside of just negotiating a dynamic and negotiating

1383
00:49:38,764 --> 00:49:40,925
this I'm gonna do a and you're gonna

1384
00:49:40,925 --> 00:49:42,445
do b and how this how we'll get

1385
00:49:42,445 --> 00:49:44,144
to c in this scene. Right?

1386
00:49:45,500 --> 00:49:47,920
What kind of conversations could kinksters

1387
00:49:48,219 --> 00:49:48,719
specifically

1388
00:49:49,019 --> 00:49:50,320
have with one another

1389
00:49:50,780 --> 00:49:51,280
that

1390
00:49:51,579 --> 00:49:53,820
builds that trust, that allows them to be

1391
00:49:53,820 --> 00:49:56,000
vulnerable, allows them to learn about their partner

1392
00:49:56,394 --> 00:49:58,875
beyond the basic negotiations. That's that's the thing

1393
00:49:58,875 --> 00:50:00,394
I can't and I don't have answers. We're

1394
00:50:00,394 --> 00:50:02,255
not gonna, like, try and do it now.

1395
00:50:02,315 --> 00:50:03,835
But that's the thing that might stick with

1396
00:50:03,835 --> 00:50:05,114
me for a while. And if I can

1397
00:50:05,114 --> 00:50:06,095
figure out

1398
00:50:06,635 --> 00:50:09,195
again, shameless self promotion. Maybe for some people,

1399
00:50:09,195 --> 00:50:11,960
30 of DS workbooks, The thirty days of

1400
00:50:11,960 --> 00:50:14,219
DS is the original. Volume two is, like,

1401
00:50:14,280 --> 00:50:16,359
I consider more advanced. Like, you're out of

1402
00:50:16,359 --> 00:50:17,019
the basics

1403
00:50:17,400 --> 00:50:19,480
of power exchange. You're, like, kinda fucking live

1404
00:50:19,480 --> 00:50:20,059
it now.

1405
00:50:20,519 --> 00:50:22,599
Maybe that is part of it. Maybe that's

1406
00:50:22,599 --> 00:50:24,375
already helped folks get there.

1407
00:50:25,175 --> 00:50:27,014
But are, you know, are there certain types

1408
00:50:27,014 --> 00:50:27,675
of conversations

1409
00:50:28,614 --> 00:50:30,614
that we, you know, can people could have

1410
00:50:30,614 --> 00:50:33,014
with each other that help them build that

1411
00:50:33,014 --> 00:50:34,375
foundation? No. No. That might be a good

1412
00:50:34,375 --> 00:50:36,295
thing to ponder. I I don't think my

1413
00:50:36,295 --> 00:50:37,675
head's gonna let it go because

1414
00:50:38,650 --> 00:50:40,190
nope. It hadn't yet.

1415
00:50:40,570 --> 00:50:41,769
And the fact that it is still there

1416
00:50:41,769 --> 00:50:44,489
and I remember it Right. That that hours

1417
00:50:44,489 --> 00:50:46,329
and weeks later. Hey. That that says it's

1418
00:50:46,329 --> 00:50:47,630
not right there. Yep.

1419
00:50:48,090 --> 00:50:49,929
It's okay. Love Maps, I think that's a

1420
00:50:49,929 --> 00:50:50,750
cool concept.

1421
00:50:51,050 --> 00:50:51,465
I think

1422
00:50:52,265 --> 00:50:54,425
power exchange and kinksters in general, even if

1423
00:50:54,425 --> 00:50:56,985
it's not a power exchange situation, we're already

1424
00:50:57,465 --> 00:50:59,644
create that with the framework of our negotiations

1425
00:51:00,344 --> 00:51:02,684
and consent and the way that you actually

1426
00:51:02,905 --> 00:51:04,905
build your power exchange with a partner and

1427
00:51:04,905 --> 00:51:07,199
then maintain it Yeah. However long.

1428
00:51:07,679 --> 00:51:09,059
We're already doing it, and

1429
00:51:09,679 --> 00:51:11,359
love, Matt, don't is not the right term

1430
00:51:11,359 --> 00:51:12,260
for us. No.

1431
00:51:12,960 --> 00:51:15,199
Nope. Nope. So that's where I land on

1432
00:51:15,199 --> 00:51:16,260
it, my thought experiment.

1433
00:51:17,119 --> 00:51:18,500
Any other thoughts? Mm-mm.

1434
00:51:18,880 --> 00:51:20,420
It was a it was an interesting

1435
00:51:21,135 --> 00:51:22,434
topic. I know.

1436
00:51:22,735 --> 00:51:24,735
That's part of, you know, where my brain

1437
00:51:24,735 --> 00:51:26,574
is going is, okay, there's all this stuff,

1438
00:51:26,574 --> 00:51:28,655
especially with the the Gottmans I'm seeing get

1439
00:51:28,655 --> 00:51:31,554
more, like, mentions by therapists

1440
00:51:31,934 --> 00:51:33,809
online because my algorithm will sometimes

1441
00:51:34,849 --> 00:51:38,130
just be, like, relationship coaches and and therapists.

1442
00:51:38,130 --> 00:51:39,190
Lola agrees.

1443
00:51:39,570 --> 00:51:41,410
And it's like, okay. Do some of these

1444
00:51:41,410 --> 00:51:43,010
concepts that I'm hearing about more and more,

1445
00:51:43,010 --> 00:51:44,849
and I think I've Mhmm. You'll probably see

1446
00:51:44,849 --> 00:51:47,190
us do this more often in the future.

1447
00:51:48,130 --> 00:51:50,824
Is this relatable to kink? Is this can

1448
00:51:50,824 --> 00:51:51,324
kink

1449
00:51:51,625 --> 00:51:53,385
learn something from this? Or in this case,

1450
00:51:53,385 --> 00:51:55,065
are we already doing it? We just don't

1451
00:51:55,065 --> 00:51:55,885
call it that?

1452
00:52:01,545 --> 00:52:04,219
Doing this buried She buried herself under the

1453
00:52:04,219 --> 00:52:06,859
blanket. Her head. Yeah. You cannot see her

1454
00:52:06,859 --> 00:52:07,359
head.

1455
00:52:07,739 --> 00:52:10,440
She's also facing the wall and crying. Ma'am.

1456
00:52:10,699 --> 00:52:11,199
Ma'am.

1457
00:52:12,539 --> 00:52:14,239
So final shameless self promotion.

1458
00:52:14,539 --> 00:52:16,795
If you want to know yourself better as

1459
00:52:16,795 --> 00:52:18,954
a kinkster, if you're trying to, you know,

1460
00:52:18,954 --> 00:52:20,394
talk to your partner, y'all are new to

1461
00:52:20,394 --> 00:52:22,555
kink, whatever whatever, check out all thirty days

1462
00:52:22,555 --> 00:52:22,795
of,

1463
00:52:23,594 --> 00:52:24,094
DS,

1464
00:52:24,875 --> 00:52:26,494
workbooks, links in the places.

1465
00:52:26,795 --> 00:52:28,559
You know? If you already have them and

1466
00:52:28,559 --> 00:52:31,380
you did it for yourself to understand yourself,

1467
00:52:31,760 --> 00:52:32,340
you know,

1468
00:52:32,719 --> 00:52:34,559
is there value and could you know, if

1469
00:52:34,559 --> 00:52:36,239
you have a partner, could you answer those

1470
00:52:36,239 --> 00:52:38,239
questions on behalf of your partner and feel

1471
00:52:38,239 --> 00:52:40,784
like you understand how they view kink and,

1472
00:52:40,784 --> 00:52:43,331
you know, where they're at. I

1473
00:52:43,756 --> 00:52:47,152
again, that's a shame of self promotion, though.

1474
00:52:47,152 --> 00:52:48,425
But, yeah, that

1475
00:52:48,850 --> 00:52:50,548
that's all I got,

1476
00:52:50,972 --> 00:52:53,519
on love maps. So are we

1477
00:52:54,239 --> 00:52:55,940
are we good? I have no idea.

1478
00:52:56,559 --> 00:52:59,360
I, my cheeks are really flushed. They're very

1479
00:52:59,360 --> 00:53:00,900
warm, and I don't know why.

1480
00:53:01,280 --> 00:53:03,440
You've been talking a bit, you know. About

1481
00:53:03,440 --> 00:53:04,800
a thing I don't feel like I have

1482
00:53:04,800 --> 00:53:06,159
my arms wrapped around. I don't have a

1483
00:53:06,159 --> 00:53:08,365
fully formed opinion. On. That's very hard for

1484
00:53:08,365 --> 00:53:09,724
me. I wanna come to you with, here's

1485
00:53:09,724 --> 00:53:11,805
what I thought. I know. Right. Yeah. You

1486
00:53:11,805 --> 00:53:14,285
want you want the concrete Yeah. Solid I

1487
00:53:14,285 --> 00:53:15,805
don't get that with this one. That's okay.

1488
00:53:15,805 --> 00:53:17,184
I think I like where we

1489
00:53:17,805 --> 00:53:19,644
the conclusion we came to. And I think

1490
00:53:19,644 --> 00:53:21,164
it's fair if somebody comes to a different

1491
00:53:21,164 --> 00:53:23,190
conclusion. There's another, you know Yeah. But yeah.

1492
00:53:23,349 --> 00:53:25,730
Because I think it's gonna hit everybody differently.

1493
00:53:25,730 --> 00:53:28,949
Mhmm. Just like anything else. Yep. K. So

1494
00:53:29,109 --> 00:53:30,569
So are we truly good now?

1495
00:53:31,989 --> 00:53:34,389
Only you can say if I'm good. Well,

1496
00:53:34,389 --> 00:53:34,889
true.

1497
00:53:37,005 --> 00:53:38,764
Keep it kinky off. And we'll see you

1498
00:53:38,764 --> 00:53:39,505
next week.

1499
00:53:49,565 --> 00:53:50,065
Daddy.

1500
00:53:50,364 --> 00:53:51,724
Yes, baby girl. Can we talk to the

1501
00:53:51,724 --> 00:53:52,829
cricket? Sure.

1502
00:53:54,650 --> 00:53:56,889
Lola's being a menace. Yeah. If you are

1503
00:53:56,889 --> 00:53:59,289
new here, that doesn't happen every week. Last

1504
00:53:59,289 --> 00:54:00,569
week I think it was last week. We

1505
00:54:00,569 --> 00:54:02,170
didn't hear from her at all. She was

1506
00:54:02,170 --> 00:54:03,609
in the other room and we never heard

1507
00:54:03,609 --> 00:54:04,269
from her. Yeah.

1508
00:54:04,809 --> 00:54:07,614
In other news, it is just chilly enough

1509
00:54:07,614 --> 00:54:10,275
that I can wear my leggings without sweating.

1510
00:54:10,335 --> 00:54:12,815
Our windows are open. Our windows are open.

1511
00:54:12,815 --> 00:54:14,514
My toes got cold today.

1512
00:54:15,295 --> 00:54:17,534
I was sitting under Windows are open. AC

1513
00:54:17,534 --> 00:54:20,494
is fan and I off. Mhmm. Mhmm. And

1514
00:54:20,494 --> 00:54:23,670
it's a beautiful thing. Oh, god. And and

1515
00:54:23,670 --> 00:54:25,030
I don't know if it's changed. I'm not

1516
00:54:25,030 --> 00:54:27,349
gonna look right now. But when I looked

1517
00:54:27,349 --> 00:54:29,530
at the weather forecast for the ten days,

1518
00:54:30,070 --> 00:54:30,570
tomorrow,

1519
00:54:31,510 --> 00:54:32,010
Thursday,

1520
00:54:32,469 --> 00:54:33,610
October 30,

1521
00:54:34,565 --> 00:54:37,224
supposedly a special day in life. It is.

1522
00:54:38,565 --> 00:54:40,565
Very important day. The high is supposed to

1523
00:54:40,565 --> 00:54:43,704
be, like, 60. Yeah. And I'm like, happy

1524
00:54:43,764 --> 00:54:45,385
fucking birthday to me.

1525
00:54:47,125 --> 00:54:49,440
Maybe I won't sweat my ass off

1526
00:54:50,000 --> 00:54:50,900
on my birthday.

1527
00:54:52,800 --> 00:54:54,239
But I would like to point out, we

1528
00:54:54,239 --> 00:54:57,039
had to get to October 29 Yeah. Before

1529
00:54:57,039 --> 00:54:59,440
we got a day that did there where

1530
00:54:59,440 --> 00:55:01,039
so far the whole day, nobody's breaking out

1531
00:55:01,039 --> 00:55:03,255
into a sweat. I mean, you were outside

1532
00:55:03,255 --> 00:55:05,614
working all morning Oh, yeah.

1533
00:55:06,054 --> 00:55:08,375
Sawing and sanding and painting. I was kneeling.

1534
00:55:08,375 --> 00:55:08,875
Yeah.

1535
00:55:09,574 --> 00:55:10,875
No sweat. Nope.

1536
00:55:11,655 --> 00:55:12,155
Nope.

1537
00:55:13,175 --> 00:55:14,954
It's delightful. It was nice. Yeah. It's delightful.

1538
00:55:15,130 --> 00:55:17,210
It was. Very nice. Very nice in doing

1539
00:55:17,210 --> 00:55:19,389
it. Mhmm. You know, I went went outside

1540
00:55:19,449 --> 00:55:20,750
last last evening

1541
00:55:21,289 --> 00:55:21,789
and,

1542
00:55:22,650 --> 00:55:24,969
I was like, oh, this is this is

1543
00:55:24,969 --> 00:55:25,469
different.

1544
00:55:26,409 --> 00:55:26,730
And,

1545
00:55:27,755 --> 00:55:29,355
came inside, hit some buttons, and then I

1546
00:55:29,355 --> 00:55:30,815
opened started opening windows.

1547
00:55:33,035 --> 00:55:36,235
I last night was didn't quite get the

1548
00:55:36,235 --> 00:55:38,255
room cool enough that I

1549
00:55:38,715 --> 00:55:40,394
could, like, burrow under the covers, which is

1550
00:55:40,554 --> 00:55:42,494
k. What I'm waiting for. But

1551
00:55:42,954 --> 00:55:44,529
when I did get warm, I could stick

1552
00:55:44,529 --> 00:55:45,969
a foot out from under the covers, and

1553
00:55:45,969 --> 00:55:48,130
I'd cool down relatively quickly. That was nice.

1554
00:55:48,130 --> 00:55:49,889
That was nice. It was. That was very

1555
00:55:49,889 --> 00:55:50,389
nice.

1556
00:55:51,170 --> 00:55:53,829
So tonight, as of recording, day of recording,

1557
00:55:54,289 --> 00:55:56,694
we're gonna go see the oldest at yet

1558
00:55:56,694 --> 00:55:59,335
another performance. Yep. This time last week, we

1559
00:55:59,335 --> 00:56:00,315
went to that concert.

1560
00:56:00,934 --> 00:56:03,414
This week, it's a recital. They wear Halloween

1561
00:56:03,414 --> 00:56:05,335
costumes for this one. Yeah. It's a much

1562
00:56:05,335 --> 00:56:07,655
more intimate setting. It's like a it's actually

1563
00:56:07,655 --> 00:56:10,694
a classroom Mhmm. For musicians. So there's, like,

1564
00:56:10,694 --> 00:56:11,909
the stage, but then there's

1565
00:56:12,389 --> 00:56:13,690
college classroom seating.

1566
00:56:14,789 --> 00:56:16,650
That one's always fun. Mhmm. It

1567
00:56:17,030 --> 00:56:18,489
is. It is. That's

1568
00:56:18,869 --> 00:56:21,130
I and I think it's it's fun because,

1569
00:56:21,190 --> 00:56:21,909
you know, like the,

1570
00:56:23,030 --> 00:56:24,329
when they have the symphonic

1571
00:56:24,675 --> 00:56:26,755
concerts and and Big old group. You know,

1572
00:56:26,755 --> 00:56:28,454
it one, it's a big old group

1573
00:56:29,474 --> 00:56:29,795
and,

1574
00:56:30,515 --> 00:56:33,315
you know, it has a very serious air

1575
00:56:33,474 --> 00:56:36,355
Oh, yes. About it. Okay? You know? We

1576
00:56:36,355 --> 00:56:37,199
are, you know,

1577
00:56:37,679 --> 00:56:39,880
consummate professionals. This is Mhmm. This is for

1578
00:56:39,880 --> 00:56:42,260
a grade. Yeah. Yeah. You know, there's I

1579
00:56:43,039 --> 00:56:44,880
I I would almost describe it as, you

1580
00:56:44,880 --> 00:56:46,420
know, pomp and circumstance.

1581
00:56:46,719 --> 00:56:49,300
Oh, yes. Yes. The way that's handled, absolutely.

1582
00:56:49,440 --> 00:56:49,815
Yeah.

1583
00:56:50,375 --> 00:56:50,875
So,

1584
00:56:51,414 --> 00:56:53,655
you know, this yeah. It it's it's very

1585
00:56:53,655 --> 00:56:55,594
different. Casual. Casual,

1586
00:56:56,054 --> 00:56:58,375
you know, and, it's it's just a good

1587
00:56:58,375 --> 00:56:59,255
time. Yeah. Everybody

1588
00:56:59,815 --> 00:57:01,574
by all, whether it's the players or, you

1589
00:57:01,574 --> 00:57:03,815
know, the the audience. You know? They call

1590
00:57:03,815 --> 00:57:05,514
it a studio recital because

1591
00:57:05,880 --> 00:57:07,559
at least at UF I don't know how

1592
00:57:07,559 --> 00:57:09,739
other colleges do it. We don't go there.

1593
00:57:10,760 --> 00:57:11,900
The different instrument

1594
00:57:12,359 --> 00:57:14,940
have groups. Right? Mhmm. So this is euphoniums

1595
00:57:15,480 --> 00:57:15,980
and,

1596
00:57:16,440 --> 00:57:18,059
baritones and tubas,

1597
00:57:19,385 --> 00:57:22,364
which means it's like all that deep guttural

1598
00:57:22,585 --> 00:57:24,444
bass sound. I freaking love that. Yep.

1599
00:57:25,224 --> 00:57:25,964
But their,

1600
00:57:26,744 --> 00:57:28,905
professor is also really relaxed and does not

1601
00:57:28,905 --> 00:57:30,204
take herself too seriously.

1602
00:57:30,505 --> 00:57:33,019
So there's giggling. There's talking. Now when they're

1603
00:57:33,019 --> 00:57:33,519
performing,

1604
00:57:34,300 --> 00:57:37,019
they are like Oh, yeah. They're acting right.

1605
00:57:37,019 --> 00:57:39,359
Mhmm. But in the in between or sometimes

1606
00:57:39,900 --> 00:57:41,840
the first year this is the first year

1607
00:57:41,900 --> 00:57:45,574
I went because did the the oldest give

1608
00:57:45,574 --> 00:57:47,894
me less than twelve hours notice that he

1609
00:57:47,894 --> 00:57:49,514
had a performance for that?

1610
00:57:49,815 --> 00:57:51,494
Yeah. And I was the only one. Everybody

1611
00:57:51,494 --> 00:57:52,234
else was like,

1612
00:57:52,855 --> 00:57:55,014
no. We're we were not mentally prepared for

1613
00:57:55,014 --> 00:57:57,119
this. I'm like, I'll do it. And it

1614
00:57:57,119 --> 00:57:59,279
was fun. And then I watched I think

1615
00:57:59,279 --> 00:58:00,579
that year, the oldest

1616
00:58:01,199 --> 00:58:04,079
wore a clown nose Yes. Or did something.

1617
00:58:04,079 --> 00:58:05,920
He wore he yeah. The nose. And that

1618
00:58:06,000 --> 00:58:08,079
that's where they get silly. Like, they're playing

1619
00:58:08,079 --> 00:58:08,900
these pieces

1620
00:58:10,184 --> 00:58:11,704
in a way that shows that they take

1621
00:58:11,704 --> 00:58:14,025
it seriously, but they're being silly and goofy

1622
00:58:14,025 --> 00:58:16,125
while they do it. Or they're picking pieces

1623
00:58:16,425 --> 00:58:18,125
that are not, like, super, like,

1624
00:58:18,664 --> 00:58:21,244
serious and look how technical I could be.

1625
00:58:21,785 --> 00:58:22,679
They're playing, like,

1626
00:58:23,159 --> 00:58:24,760
you know, fun stuff. And the Halloween one,

1627
00:58:24,760 --> 00:58:26,679
they are. The whole thing is Halloween themed.

1628
00:58:26,679 --> 00:58:29,019
Mhmm. Yes. So Yes. Yep.

1629
00:58:29,480 --> 00:58:31,960
A euphonium I'm gonna my oldest would be

1630
00:58:31,960 --> 00:58:33,400
so mad at me when I find it

1631
00:58:33,400 --> 00:58:34,839
this way because it's not accurate. But a

1632
00:58:34,839 --> 00:58:37,425
euphonium is basically a small tuba. A baby

1633
00:58:37,425 --> 00:58:39,905
tuba. The baby tuba. Yep. And a euphonium

1634
00:58:39,905 --> 00:58:42,085
and a baritone are two different things, but

1635
00:58:42,385 --> 00:58:44,644
my brain does not know how. Mhmm.

1636
00:58:45,585 --> 00:58:47,345
My oldest would be ashamed of me, but

1637
00:58:47,345 --> 00:58:49,184
my brain does not know how they're different.

1638
00:58:49,184 --> 00:58:51,265
I just know they are different. There's nothing

1639
00:58:51,265 --> 00:58:51,765
different.

1640
00:58:52,849 --> 00:58:53,910
That's all I know.

1641
00:58:54,769 --> 00:58:55,269
So

1642
00:58:56,210 --> 00:58:59,269
yeah. So that's fun. Mhmm. And then tomorrow,

1643
00:59:01,250 --> 00:59:03,650
my mother will get here. Mhmm. And I

1644
00:59:03,650 --> 00:59:05,110
am looking forward to that.

1645
00:59:08,005 --> 00:59:09,465
But I've already tried

1646
00:59:10,724 --> 00:59:11,625
sending the messages,

1647
00:59:11,925 --> 00:59:14,805
like, okay. I'm not gonna live in perpetual.

1648
00:59:14,805 --> 00:59:16,164
I don't know. What do you wanna do

1649
00:59:16,164 --> 00:59:17,625
for the next six days?

1650
00:59:17,925 --> 00:59:20,164
Here's what my life looks like. Here are

1651
00:59:20,164 --> 00:59:22,550
my appointments. Here's what I'm open to do.

1652
00:59:22,610 --> 00:59:24,849
Here's here's what I got. You fill in

1653
00:59:24,849 --> 00:59:26,369
the fucking blanks and just tell me when

1654
00:59:26,369 --> 00:59:27,650
to show up. I was like, I'm not

1655
00:59:27,650 --> 00:59:28,630
playing that game.

1656
00:59:29,250 --> 00:59:31,250
Yeah. I know. A few times I've passed,

1657
00:59:31,250 --> 00:59:33,650
I've had to kinda, like You have to

1658
00:59:33,730 --> 00:59:35,969
very softly and very subtly, you have to

1659
00:59:35,969 --> 00:59:38,114
use your big d voice on on this

1660
00:59:38,114 --> 00:59:38,614
family.

1661
00:59:39,474 --> 00:59:41,474
And let me tell you, they all fucking

1662
00:59:41,474 --> 00:59:43,335
get in line, not just me. Okay?

1663
00:59:48,355 --> 00:59:50,679
They all go, mhmm. Yep. That's what we're

1664
00:59:50,679 --> 00:59:53,400
gonna do, including my uncle. It's not just

1665
00:59:53,400 --> 00:59:55,019
the sisters. I mean, no.

1666
00:59:55,320 --> 00:59:57,640
No. No. Whole fucking class. Just as bad

1667
00:59:57,640 --> 00:59:58,300
as them.

1668
00:59:58,599 --> 01:00:00,679
Well and it's one of those and, again,

1669
01:00:00,679 --> 01:00:01,880
I don't know if it's an age thing

1670
01:00:01,880 --> 01:00:04,760
or a southern thing or something. It's nobody

1671
01:00:04,760 --> 01:00:05,260
wants

1672
01:00:06,855 --> 01:00:07,015
to,

1673
01:00:07,735 --> 01:00:10,474
offend or or appear rude

1674
01:00:10,855 --> 01:00:14,295
or upset somebody else, and yet and yet

1675
01:00:14,295 --> 01:00:16,375
everybody is thinking the same thing. Just what's

1676
01:00:16,375 --> 01:00:18,454
the plan? Just what's decided? I think there's

1677
01:00:18,454 --> 01:00:18,954
also

1678
01:00:19,440 --> 01:00:20,800
and I, I don't know if this is

1679
01:00:20,800 --> 01:00:21,300
about

1680
01:00:22,319 --> 01:00:22,819
generationally,

1681
01:00:23,599 --> 01:00:25,760
you know, being socialized as a woman or

1682
01:00:25,760 --> 01:00:27,519
it's a southern regional thing. I do not

1683
01:00:27,519 --> 01:00:30,819
know. There is this thing of it's somehow

1684
01:00:30,880 --> 01:00:32,639
selfish to tell a group, well, this is

1685
01:00:32,639 --> 01:00:33,859
what I wanna do.

1686
01:00:34,644 --> 01:00:35,465
You know?

1687
01:00:37,845 --> 01:00:40,005
It's like, no. You're allowed to say you

1688
01:00:40,005 --> 01:00:41,925
wanna do a thing. Right. The group might

1689
01:00:41,925 --> 01:00:44,345
not agree. Yeah. But you are not inherently

1690
01:00:44,485 --> 01:00:46,644
rude to speak up. How is anybody gonna

1691
01:00:46,644 --> 01:00:48,885
know what to decide on if nobody

1692
01:00:49,605 --> 01:00:51,059
And now here's my problem.

1693
01:00:51,920 --> 01:00:54,079
I defer to you automatically. You know that.

1694
01:00:54,079 --> 01:00:56,339
Mhmm. That's what we do here. I defer

1695
01:00:56,480 --> 01:00:58,880
to my elders. I was fucking raised that

1696
01:00:58,880 --> 01:00:59,380
way.

1697
01:01:00,000 --> 01:01:00,500
So

1698
01:01:00,960 --> 01:01:02,960
even though I kind of understand some of

1699
01:01:02,960 --> 01:01:05,219
the psychology of what the fuck is happening,

1700
01:01:05,844 --> 01:01:06,905
And I know

1701
01:01:07,684 --> 01:01:09,765
that I could a 100%

1702
01:01:09,765 --> 01:01:12,005
be a baby girl and get whatever I

1703
01:01:12,005 --> 01:01:13,925
wanted to do done in the name of

1704
01:01:13,925 --> 01:01:14,905
decision making.

1705
01:01:15,605 --> 01:01:18,644
I can't make myself do it because I'm

1706
01:01:18,644 --> 01:01:19,144
thinking,

1707
01:01:19,480 --> 01:01:21,480
but they're my elders. Now we are all

1708
01:01:21,480 --> 01:01:23,320
grown ass people, and I got more gray

1709
01:01:23,320 --> 01:01:24,860
hair than any of them. Okay?

1710
01:01:26,519 --> 01:01:28,360
Which pisses me off because I'm the youngest

1711
01:01:28,360 --> 01:01:29,960
of the adult. No. No. I'm not the

1712
01:01:29,960 --> 01:01:32,039
youngest of the adults. The 20 year old

1713
01:01:32,039 --> 01:01:34,039
is the youngest of the adults. Oh my

1714
01:01:34,039 --> 01:01:34,539
god.

1715
01:01:35,085 --> 01:01:37,164
Oh my god. I lost my baby adult

1716
01:01:37,164 --> 01:01:40,224
status. You you you yeah. Pass the, crown.

1717
01:01:42,844 --> 01:01:44,844
Of the ones who are here and in

1718
01:01:44,844 --> 01:01:47,130
the conversation not making fucking decisions,

1719
01:01:47,690 --> 01:01:49,369
I could, you know, I could a 100%

1720
01:01:49,369 --> 01:01:51,049
go, okay. We're just gonna go here. And

1721
01:01:51,049 --> 01:01:52,569
if they didn't like it, they would tell

1722
01:01:52,569 --> 01:01:54,489
me immediately. But most likely, they go, okay.

1723
01:01:54,489 --> 01:01:56,029
That sounds good. And I could just

1724
01:01:56,650 --> 01:01:58,569
I could rule the fucking roost. And that's

1725
01:01:58,730 --> 01:02:00,569
and I can't I can't bring myself to

1726
01:02:00,569 --> 01:02:01,230
do it.

1727
01:02:01,625 --> 01:02:03,704
But they're my elders. What you know, my

1728
01:02:03,704 --> 01:02:06,184
mom's visiting. She only gets to do so

1729
01:02:06,184 --> 01:02:08,184
much stuff. She's only got so much time.

1730
01:02:08,184 --> 01:02:09,164
There are things

1731
01:02:10,105 --> 01:02:12,824
even here in not a major metro part

1732
01:02:12,824 --> 01:02:15,230
of Florida that she does not have in

1733
01:02:15,230 --> 01:02:16,130
South Mississippi.

1734
01:02:16,670 --> 01:02:18,190
So I I defer to her, but then

1735
01:02:18,190 --> 01:02:19,389
she's like, but I don't wanna be rude.

1736
01:02:19,389 --> 01:02:20,989
And I'm like, you know what's rude? Us

1737
01:02:20,989 --> 01:02:23,550
all sitting around getting hungry, which turns into

1738
01:02:23,550 --> 01:02:26,030
hangry. Hangry. Because nobody's making any sense. That

1739
01:02:26,030 --> 01:02:28,030
gets dangerous. Now the one time I have

1740
01:02:28,030 --> 01:02:29,195
seen her just go, fuck it. This is

1741
01:02:29,195 --> 01:02:30,974
what we're doing. Literally, that's what she said.

1742
01:02:31,034 --> 01:02:33,195
And she says, fuck less than JB says,

1743
01:02:33,195 --> 01:02:33,934
fuck. Okay?

1744
01:02:35,034 --> 01:02:37,355
She was driving. And she went, fuck it.

1745
01:02:37,355 --> 01:02:39,914
I'm just driving here. Anybody who wants to

1746
01:02:39,914 --> 01:02:42,340
get out and go get a some

1747
01:02:43,599 --> 01:02:44,099
canned.

1748
01:02:45,360 --> 01:02:45,860
Yeah.

1749
01:02:46,639 --> 01:02:48,500
But I'm still, you know, happy she's coming.

1750
01:02:48,639 --> 01:02:49,300
Mhmm. Yeah.

1751
01:02:49,760 --> 01:02:50,260
Mhmm.

1752
01:02:50,719 --> 01:02:51,119
So

1753
01:02:52,079 --> 01:02:54,159
I always look forward to her visits. Yeah.

1754
01:02:54,159 --> 01:02:56,659
My mom's chill. My mom is chill. Mhmm.

1755
01:02:57,664 --> 01:02:59,664
It's more the dynamics of when everybody gets

1756
01:02:59,664 --> 01:03:01,125
together, where it's like,

1757
01:03:01,905 --> 01:03:02,405
okay.

1758
01:03:02,864 --> 01:03:05,184
Yeah. Well, I my the big thing I

1759
01:03:05,184 --> 01:03:07,264
need to practice, we'll find out this time

1760
01:03:07,264 --> 01:03:08,945
next week if I manage it, is to

1761
01:03:08,945 --> 01:03:09,925
try not to

1762
01:03:10,304 --> 01:03:13,440
try to manage everybody's emotions and try to

1763
01:03:13,440 --> 01:03:14,260
be the peacekeeper

1764
01:03:14,800 --> 01:03:16,719
and the go between. Like, I just need

1765
01:03:16,719 --> 01:03:19,519
to let them fucking bicker. Yep. And I'll

1766
01:03:19,519 --> 01:03:20,719
be like, look. I'm a sit in this

1767
01:03:20,719 --> 01:03:23,119
back seat wherever you drive. I'll I'll get

1768
01:03:23,119 --> 01:03:24,775
out there. Just park wherever it is. I

1769
01:03:24,775 --> 01:03:27,815
don't give a fuck. But that's usually when

1770
01:03:27,815 --> 01:03:30,775
I have, like, a less than fun time

1771
01:03:30,775 --> 01:03:33,414
because I'm explaining to one sister, well, your

1772
01:03:33,414 --> 01:03:34,795
sister's like this because

1773
01:03:35,414 --> 01:03:36,235
have you considered?

1774
01:03:37,050 --> 01:03:38,570
And then the other sister, I'm like, well,

1775
01:03:38,570 --> 01:03:39,550
have you considered?

1776
01:03:39,849 --> 01:03:41,130
Your sister might do this because

1777
01:03:42,329 --> 01:03:44,110
Sounds like you're doing joint counseling.

1778
01:03:44,730 --> 01:03:46,750
Everybody in the fucking family needs therapy.

1779
01:03:47,610 --> 01:03:49,070
And why is it the people

1780
01:03:49,849 --> 01:03:50,349
who

1781
01:03:50,809 --> 01:03:52,269
tend to send us to therapy

1782
01:03:53,025 --> 01:03:54,545
are the last ones who will ever get

1783
01:03:54,545 --> 01:03:55,984
there. They do the shit that makes you

1784
01:03:55,984 --> 01:03:57,045
need to go to therapy.

1785
01:03:57,984 --> 01:03:59,684
You won't go to fucking therapy themselves.

1786
01:03:59,984 --> 01:04:02,304
Anyway, anyway, it's fine. It's fine. I love

1787
01:04:02,304 --> 01:04:04,304
my fam I do love my family. I

1788
01:04:04,304 --> 01:04:05,444
do love my family.

1789
01:04:05,904 --> 01:04:06,960
I do love my family.

1790
01:04:07,839 --> 01:04:09,039
Yeah. So anyway

1791
01:04:09,440 --> 01:04:09,940
Anyhoo.

1792
01:04:11,359 --> 01:04:11,679
So,

1793
01:04:13,119 --> 01:04:13,859
that it?

1794
01:04:15,599 --> 01:04:16,500
I don't know.

1795
01:04:18,800 --> 01:04:20,800
I know. Oh, goddamn it. Why do I

1796
01:04:20,800 --> 01:04:23,275
have to actually care about being a good

1797
01:04:23,335 --> 01:04:24,235
fucking submissive?

1798
01:04:25,095 --> 01:04:26,295
I know if I do not tell you

1799
01:04:26,295 --> 01:04:28,135
this or remind you of this and we

1800
01:04:28,135 --> 01:04:30,535
stop streaming and recording and you think of

1801
01:04:30,535 --> 01:04:32,775
it later, you're gonna go, oh, fuck. And

1802
01:04:32,775 --> 01:04:34,454
then go, why didn't you remind me, baby

1803
01:04:34,454 --> 01:04:34,860
girl?

1804
01:04:36,780 --> 01:04:37,280
JB,

1805
01:04:38,059 --> 01:04:40,239
my birthday is tomorrow. Yes.

1806
01:04:40,780 --> 01:04:42,539
Whatever you wanted to say earlier that you

1807
01:04:42,539 --> 01:04:44,220
didn't get to say, there you go. I

1808
01:04:44,220 --> 01:04:46,640
was a good girl and fucking reminded you.

1809
01:04:46,940 --> 01:04:48,320
I'll be 46, y'all.

1810
01:04:49,944 --> 01:04:51,144
I get to see my mommy on my

1811
01:04:51,144 --> 01:04:51,644
birthday.

1812
01:04:52,344 --> 01:04:54,105
There you go. What else what else was

1813
01:04:54,105 --> 01:04:54,605
it?

1814
01:04:56,585 --> 01:04:57,484
Oh my god.

1815
01:04:59,144 --> 01:05:01,704
Do y'all does anybody is anybody o OG

1816
01:05:01,704 --> 01:05:03,625
enough to remember when he would serenade me

1817
01:05:03,625 --> 01:05:05,750
with half don't please don't sing to me.

1818
01:05:05,750 --> 01:05:07,589
He would serenade me with happy birthday, and

1819
01:05:07,589 --> 01:05:08,409
now he's like,

1820
01:05:09,109 --> 01:05:10,949
I forgot I even wanted to talk about

1821
01:05:10,949 --> 01:05:12,570
it. I got nothing to say.

1822
01:05:14,309 --> 01:05:16,409
I was only reminding you

1823
01:05:18,074 --> 01:05:20,715
because that felt like the right thing to

1824
01:05:20,715 --> 01:05:22,335
do as your submissive.

1825
01:05:29,960 --> 01:05:32,699
So, yeah, folks. Tomorrow is this person's birthday.

1826
01:05:34,279 --> 01:05:36,199
Goddamn. Did you just mind fuck me all

1827
01:05:36,199 --> 01:05:36,940
the way around?

1828
01:05:39,319 --> 01:05:40,779
I fall for it every time.

1829
01:05:43,005 --> 01:05:46,045
So, you know, reach out, whether it's, you

1830
01:05:46,045 --> 01:05:47,964
know You don't have to. With that social

1831
01:05:47,964 --> 01:05:50,304
media and wish her a very happy birthday.

1832
01:05:50,444 --> 01:05:52,464
Oh. Or Discord even, you know, yeah.

1833
01:05:52,764 --> 01:05:54,125
That's very kind of it. You don't have

1834
01:05:54,125 --> 01:05:54,625
to.

1835
01:05:55,005 --> 01:05:56,159
Do what daddy says.

1836
01:05:57,199 --> 01:05:57,699
Damn

1837
01:05:58,400 --> 01:06:00,480
it. Is that what you always say? Hoisted

1838
01:06:00,480 --> 01:06:01,539
by my own petard.

1839
01:06:02,319 --> 01:06:04,500
I think I said that right. Mhmm. Mhmm.

1840
01:06:04,880 --> 01:06:06,900
It's fine. It's fine. It's fine.

1841
01:06:07,440 --> 01:06:09,135
We don't have anything special planned.

1842
01:06:10,335 --> 01:06:10,835
We,

1843
01:06:12,255 --> 01:06:14,114
my gift is my mom coming to town

1844
01:06:14,175 --> 01:06:16,335
for we our wedding anniversary was the day

1845
01:06:16,335 --> 01:06:18,494
before recording, October.

1846
01:06:18,494 --> 01:06:19,795
That's true. We

1847
01:06:20,094 --> 01:06:22,034
went and had cheap Mexican

1848
01:06:22,480 --> 01:06:24,559
for lunch. It was delicious. Oh, yeah. You

1849
01:06:24,559 --> 01:06:25,840
had to roll us out of there. You

1850
01:06:25,840 --> 01:06:27,059
didn't finish yours.

1851
01:06:27,519 --> 01:06:28,880
I had a I had looked for lunch

1852
01:06:28,880 --> 01:06:30,640
today. We made sure to get the lunch

1853
01:06:30,640 --> 01:06:33,199
specials. Yeah. We got our queso because, of

1854
01:06:33,199 --> 01:06:35,599
course, we did. Mhmm. But, you know, we'd,

1855
01:06:35,599 --> 01:06:36,960
like, stopped in the middle of our day,

1856
01:06:36,960 --> 01:06:39,135
took showers, put, like, grown up clothes

1857
01:06:39,835 --> 01:06:41,355
on. And went to lunch together. And then

1858
01:06:41,355 --> 01:06:43,595
we went and ran errands because are you,

1859
01:06:43,914 --> 01:06:46,954
like, a old married couple if you don't

1860
01:06:46,954 --> 01:06:47,454
turn

1861
01:06:47,755 --> 01:06:49,434
a date into, oh, but we can go

1862
01:06:49,434 --> 01:06:50,575
do these other things.

1863
01:06:56,590 --> 01:06:59,349
So now I'm I'm gonna give you Me?

1864
01:06:59,630 --> 01:07:00,610
You Me.

1865
01:07:01,070 --> 01:07:01,949
A little bit of a,

1866
01:07:04,110 --> 01:07:05,329
option. Uh-oh.

1867
01:07:06,284 --> 01:07:06,944
Would you

1868
01:07:07,244 --> 01:07:07,744
Mhmm.

1869
01:07:08,284 --> 01:07:08,764
Prefer

1870
01:07:09,164 --> 01:07:09,664
Mhmm.

1871
01:07:11,644 --> 01:07:12,304
To be

1872
01:07:12,605 --> 01:07:13,105
spanked

1873
01:07:14,924 --> 01:07:17,565
or flogged for your birthday? Fucking hell. I

1874
01:07:17,565 --> 01:07:20,590
don't know. Can I look? Look. Look. Can

1875
01:07:20,590 --> 01:07:23,150
I be spanked for our anniversary and flogged

1876
01:07:23,150 --> 01:07:24,050
for my birthday?

1877
01:07:27,630 --> 01:07:29,789
Or vice versa, flogged? Because I know you

1878
01:07:29,789 --> 01:07:32,130
really like flogging too. Flogged for our anniversary,

1879
01:07:32,349 --> 01:07:33,570
spanked for our birthday?

1880
01:07:38,425 --> 01:07:40,664
You're the ultimate decider, but if you're asking

1881
01:07:40,664 --> 01:07:41,945
my opinion, that's how I would do it.

1882
01:07:41,945 --> 01:07:43,784
Okay. Okay. We're not gonna cut this baby

1883
01:07:43,784 --> 01:07:44,525
in half.

1884
01:07:48,050 --> 01:07:50,150
And I don't like to make impossible decisions.

1885
01:07:50,210 --> 01:07:51,510
There's always a compromise.

1886
01:07:56,530 --> 01:07:58,630
But as ever, I will let the decider

1887
01:07:58,690 --> 01:07:59,190
decide.

1888
01:07:59,489 --> 01:07:59,989
Mhmm.

1889
01:08:00,734 --> 01:08:01,234
Mhmm.

1890
01:08:01,534 --> 01:08:02,034
Alright.

1891
01:08:02,815 --> 01:08:04,514
In that note, we probably should go.

1892
01:08:04,815 --> 01:08:05,315
Okay.

1893
01:08:05,775 --> 01:08:07,054
We gotta eat a little bit of an

1894
01:08:07,054 --> 01:08:08,894
early dinner and get on the road. I'm

1895
01:08:08,894 --> 01:08:09,394
watching

1896
01:08:10,255 --> 01:08:12,539
the YouTube live. There's a bit of a

1897
01:08:12,780 --> 01:08:14,780
There's a major gap. Where the hell did

1898
01:08:14,780 --> 01:08:16,699
you go for all that time? When did

1899
01:08:16,699 --> 01:08:18,699
you leave that where did you go? That

1900
01:08:18,699 --> 01:08:20,780
was this next second time I went to,

1901
01:08:23,340 --> 01:08:23,840
Lola.

1902
01:08:24,460 --> 01:08:26,159
No. We're not that far behind.

1903
01:08:27,225 --> 01:08:29,485
I don't know what's happening with the stream.

1904
01:08:29,784 --> 01:08:32,425
Podcast listeners, don't worry. I don't know. I'm

1905
01:08:32,425 --> 01:08:34,505
doing either anymore. You're just getting up and

1906
01:08:34,505 --> 01:08:35,725
wandering away now.

1907
01:08:46,859 --> 01:08:49,420
Anyway, Lola is now under her blanket and

1908
01:08:49,420 --> 01:08:49,920
snoring.

1909
01:08:50,220 --> 01:08:52,140
Oh, God. Yeah. She is. She married herself

1910
01:08:52,140 --> 01:08:53,835
under there again. She's tucked in.

1911
01:08:54,395 --> 01:08:56,154
And she's And I just washed that thing,

1912
01:08:56,154 --> 01:08:57,755
and, you know, fold it up real nice,

1913
01:08:57,755 --> 01:08:59,114
and made her bed, and look what she

1914
01:08:59,114 --> 01:09:00,494
does. Mhmm. Mhmm.

1915
01:09:02,395 --> 01:09:04,154
Mhmm. Yep. She was offended when you washed

1916
01:09:04,154 --> 01:09:05,835
all her bedding. Yes. Yes. But that was

1917
01:09:05,835 --> 01:09:06,969
also the day we gave her a bath.

1918
01:09:06,969 --> 01:09:08,590
She was very upset about that.

1919
01:09:09,210 --> 01:09:11,149
And we managed to get her bath in

1920
01:09:11,289 --> 01:09:13,449
five minutes before a torrential downpour. A torrential

1921
01:09:13,449 --> 01:09:13,949
downpour.

1922
01:09:14,409 --> 01:09:16,429
Yeah. Yep. So Yeah. We did.

1923
01:09:17,289 --> 01:09:17,789
Anyway,

1924
01:09:18,969 --> 01:09:20,704
as always, we could keep going forever. That's

1925
01:09:20,704 --> 01:09:21,904
true. We could. But we're not gonna do

1926
01:09:21,904 --> 01:09:23,984
that. No. Because we have to, like, make

1927
01:09:23,984 --> 01:09:25,904
our afternoon go fast because we still got

1928
01:09:25,904 --> 01:09:28,064
stuff. Go see a kid perform. Yep. Be

1929
01:09:28,064 --> 01:09:30,965
band parents. Mhmm. Okay. We're gonna go. K.

1930
01:09:31,264 --> 01:09:32,864
Thanks for being here. Mhmm. Especially to the

1931
01:09:32,864 --> 01:09:33,844
bitter end. Yep.

1932
01:09:35,159 --> 01:09:37,340
And we'll see y'all next week. Uh-huh. Okay.

1933
01:09:37,560 --> 01:09:38,060
Bye.