You're listening to a loving BDSM podcast episode
four sixty. Kayla Lords here with the one,
the only, the love of my life, the
man that we've remembered
day before recording, which was our wedding anniversary
that we did indeed get married in 2017.
One day we'll retain that information.
John Brownstone.
Happy belated wedding
anniversary. Happy early birthday.
There's no need to discuss that. Yes. There
is.
That's all we're talking about this week, though.
You sure? Positive.
This week, we're talking about a concept called
love maps or love mapping
and wondering if it can work for power
exchange as well. JB just gave me a
look of utter confusion. Don't Don't worry. I
will explain to everybody who is that is
as confused as JB what the hell a
love map is. Yep. Welcome to the Loving
BDSM podcast. If this is your first time
listening, glad to have you. If you're back
for another week, welcome back. Loving BDSM is
some sometimes produced on Mondays and always produced
on Fridays for your kinky pleasure in education,
and show notes are found at lovingbdsm.net.
Come back often and feel free to add
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I will forever motherfucking hate. It's loving d
s and the number one. So it's at
loving d s one. You could see why
I might hate it. Right?
On blue sky at lovingbdsm.
Blah blah blah or on YouTube at youtube.com/lovingbdsm,
where you can watch us live stream the
podcast every Wednesday. All links are in the
show notes.
Okay. So before we get into the topic,
I do have a couple of announcements. I
will try to speed run them. Actually, it
really is just a couple. First is a
reminder that we're doing
thing on Patreon where you can join the
tier known as holiday crickets.
I know. It's a weird name. Just go
with, okay? $20. Yes. You can be international
for this. You will get in December
a kinky holiday card from us with a
few little goodies inside and and
an invite to our first ever holiday party
on Zoom
that will be December 20
at 2PM
eastern. I should have checked that time. Damn
time we had a company Christmas party. Hell,
we can't even have our own company Christmas
party. Anyway
anyway,
to you have there's a time limit for
when you can sign up. November 15 is
the cutoff.
Might I increase that? Because I know some
folks, it's like you gotta juggle shit. Maybe.
We'll see. But right now is November 15.
November 15 is your cutoff. Get signed up.
It's it's a tier you only wanna be
on for one month.
You can decide because it's you only get
the perk for the one month. You can
decide if you wanna stay with us at
a lower tier. You can, you know, nope
out afterwards, whatever works for your personal budget.
But, yeah, join us. Become a holiday crick
at patreon. Patreon.com/kaylalords.
Link is in the places. The next one,
our trans affirming resource of the week
is I think I mentioned it when,
we did the first ever one for the
campaign for Southern equality. It's called QueerMed. It
is a telehealth
company where
trans and non binary folks can get gender
affirming care. It is also it's queermed.com,
but you might also see it as Qmed.
It is not the only one of its
kind. There's Plume.
There's Folx, f o l x Folx.
QueerMed is the one that was recommended to
us when we talked to the person at
the Campaign for Southern Equality,
and I had never heard of it or
I had heard of the others. I thought
I would pass it on for anybody who
might need that.
My understanding
is if you are in a state that
does not offer
some level of gender affirming care for trans
people, specifically
minors, but it I don't know if there
are any laws that are impacting,
adults.
You have to be located in a state
at the that does allow
trans,
gender affirming care,
HRT, all that good stuff for,
in this case, I'm gonna say minors because
that's the one I'm sure of, that does
allow it to have your telehealth. Right? So,
like, you might have to hop across the
state line,
and get on somebody's Wi Fi
and do your appointment for them to be
able to help you, but it is an
option. It's also an option even if you
are in a state where you could get
the medical care you need, but you're like,
I don't like the doctors. I'm saying queermed.
Queermed.com.
Okay.
Now we shall get into it. Okay.
So
before I tell you what a love map
love map is, let me tell you where
who came up with it. Is that something
you get from, like, triple a?
We don't want Like a triptych? We don't
want
that.
Triple a.
My gosh. You've already, like,
derailed my train of thought. Hey. Might as
well get it over with right on right
at the start, you know? Because I can't
get back on the tracks.
Takes you a minute. Okay. Before we get
into what the hell a love map is,
who came up with the concept where who,
you know, who are we basing this off
of? I mentioned it in the episode we
did a couple weeks ago where we were
answering questions from therapy Jeff
because the questions he was,
you know, positioning for couples to respond to
together,
was based on the concept of love mapping.
Love mapping comes from the Gottman Institute,
doctor doctors Gottman and Gottman.
It's John Gottman and his wife, Julie Schwartz
Gottman. They have been studying relationships for fifty
years. A lot, a lot, a lot of
things that come out, on the Internet and
and other places, but
on the Internet's where I am,
from therapists in general, like
sage advice about relationships
often comes from the Gottman Institute because they
do studies and they, like, take a scientific
approach. But, also, if you go to their
website, they will try to sell you everything
not nailed down. So
I
was like, I mean, I you gotta you
gotta make your money, and I respect it,
but
okay.
So that's where this comes from. This is
a concept developed by doctor Gottman,
based on
his theory called the sound relationship
house
theory.
Okay? Mhmm. I did not look into the
sound relationship house theory. That was I just
wanted to get to LoveMap, and LoveMap is
part of the foundation.
Okay?
Now he on the on the site and
on the places I've I've seen it talked
about, they primarily focus on,
married couples. I think this fits for any
kind of, you know,
relationship. I don't don't think you have to
be married to form a love map,
but that's where it comes from.
And in his view,
it is,
sort of the foundation, the base of of
a relationship. It is
the thing that sustains
a relationship. And a love map is basically
marital friendship.
It's the
it's the
knowing your partner. I have lots of notes
here because I was like, I'm gonna not
get any of this straight. So I'm gonna,
like, refer to my notes here. Okay. So
here we go. Marital friendship is the foundation
of doctor Gottman's sound relationship house theory.
It's the thing that sustains a relationship. Okay?
So when the lust is not there, when
the money stress is there, when you're like,
I can't stand to hear this person
chew one more moment, and that goes both
ways. I'm not just the one bitching.
And you're like, I can't
I
don't wanna fuck this person right now. And
in our case, I don't necessarily wanna be
kinky with this person right now, but I
really do love them. It is typically the
friendship, the Okay. The I like this human
as a human. Okay? Gotcha.
Now the Gottman say they found that the
key to sustaining a happy relationship is having
a strong friendship.
And then the first,
step in strengthening that friendship is getting to
know each other deeply and intimately.
And that's essentially what a love map is.
K. Now we are gonna talk I'm gonna
get through, like, the talking about what the
hell a love map is, and then we
will get into some of the things many
of you are already seeing as a correlation
with power exchange.
So a love map, in essence, is the
part of your brain where you store all
of the relevant information about your partner's life
their hopes, their dreams, their worries, their preferences.
So it's how I could know,
without even thinking
who is not allowed to speak at your
funeral, because I know you and your life
well enough.
Now a love map is developed over time.
It nobody walks into a relationship
knowing their partner that intimately.
It is a thing that
you there there are things you learn about
each other over time if you are paying
attention,
if you are in communication, if you are
being
vulnerable with each other, if and, you know,
if you were listening to your partner, if
you were asking questions.
So therefore,
the lack of
a a solid love map can also lead
to disconnect.
Sure. Right? Because things are going on in
each other's lives and you have no basis
for even sort of understanding what's going on.
It can yeah. You can feel less connected
to each other. So,
I'll
I hope this goes without saying at this
point, but I'll say it right now while
I'm thinking about it. The resources I use
to, like, explain all this, they are in
the places. Feel free, including a two that
go to the Gottman Institute website.
So why love maps are important.
When you have a decent love map of
a partner, you can navigate conflicts more smoothly,
you can support each other more effectively during
times of stress, you maintain a strong friendship
alongside your romantic relationship,
You stay connected even as life changes and
evolves. Right? Yeah. All of that makes sense.
Yeah. In my mind, I would boil that
down to, well, if you,
have clear communication and trust one another, you
can do that. They're basing it on you
have this in inner knowing of your partner's
inner world,
and therefore, that helps you navigate it. So
how do we build a love map? Okay.
The two most common
ways I mean, some of it is are
you an observant person? Are you actively interested
in your partner and you wanna know things
about them? This can happen over time. But
if you're like, oh my gosh, I I
don't feel like I have an inner knowing
of my you know, I don't know my
partner's inner world.
Building a love map, the two most common
things is to just literally play 20 questions,
answer questions about your partner to determine how
much you know,
and or ask your partner open ended questions
to learn more about them. Now, I found
multiple free resources online with, suggested questions. I
linked to I think two of those as
well.
For anybody who's like,
sure I'll play this game with my partner.
When we have done some of the therapy,
Jeff,
answer these relationship questions, that is essentially what
we're modeling is how much of a love
map we have of one of those are
the types of questions that you can use
to build love map. If anybody is sort
of freaking out right now that you maybe
you don't have a love map with your
partner, Do not panic. You can build these
over time. And these kinds of,
questions
to ask each other or to try to
answer about one another, this is part of
it. So
so love maps are an ongoing thing,
because because there's always more to learn about
your partner. I sometimes and not sometimes, there
have been times when we've done the questions
from Therapy Jeff, who does follow the Gottman
Institute and cites their work a lot in
his own work,
where I'm like, god, I don't know that
about JB. Because
you can never communicate enough, be observant enough,
be all up in somebody's business enough to
truly know everything about Right. You can't know
everything about somebody. You're you should be consistently,
not constantly, maybe, consistently learning about one another.
That's what I like about those questions because
sometimes I'm like, oh,
I don't know. What do you want to
do? How would you handle that? And then
you get to learn something new.
So that that is a love map. It
is it is the intimate details that you
know about your partner's life before they met
you, while they're with you,
you know, their hopes or dreams for the
future,
the things that annoy them, the people in
their lives that annoy them, that's a love
note.
And, again, every time I see it in
context, we are talking about romantic
often,
it's implied sexual relationships, but not necessarily romantic
relationships,
typically married couples,
but not necessarily, but partnered people in a
romantic relationship love map.
That's how it's framed. Now Mhmm. If,
y'all have known me for more than thirty
seconds, you know
I like to pervert
the non kinkster concept.
Kink a pie. Yeah. Let's kink it up.
So
I think the spoiler here is
if you are in a romantic
relationship and power exchange, yes, you
would probably benefit from a love map. You
probably have one that you don't realize you
have. Sure. Sure. Sure. But let's talk about
power exchange that's maybe
not romantic, not sexual. You're not even freaking
married. You're but let's talk about a love
map in terms of power exchange. Okay.
What are your thoughts? Yeah.
And y'all wonder why I do most of
the talking in the podcast. That would have
been your podcast. We'd be done now.
No. I I think it's it's from from
sounding what it is, you know, all this
description, what a love map is,
I think it definitely could
have a place
in DS.
I think I think we are already doing
these things, but not calling it that. Calling
it that. Because yeah. You know, that's what
we do
in in in this lifestyle, you know, you
have to know
Right. Pretty much as much as you can
Right. About the person you're playing with. Right.
Agree. You know, so, yeah, it's it's definitely
sounds like it, Just not on with a
name. Yeah. We don't we haven't named it.
Now, I do wanna point out, you and
I, for how many years? Just over ten
Mhmm. Have been sort of doing the, you
know, long term power exchange. I mean, I
don't talk about casual play or pickup play
because I don't know anything about that. But
long term power exchange, I don't care if
you're fucking or not. I don't care if
you, like, love them romantically or not. We
always say you should start with a basis
of friendship. Like Right. Before you bare your
soul and your ass to somebody, make sure
you like them as a human. This to
me is a love map. The start of
a love map, if you wanna call it
a love map,
is that
same concept.
You know, we were friends before
you domed me the first time. We were
growing that friendship. And long distance folks who
are always like, well, how did you build
that relationship? How do you Questions. We literally
played 20 questions. Yeah. When when you know,
it's funny when you mentioned the 20 questions.
We
and Lola agrees. Lola agrees. She agrees.
As she sings the song of her people.
Would you like to go calm your dog
down?
I think I said it a week or
so ago, maybe on a Friday night livestream.
Her crying has gotten much more frequent as
she's getting older. She doesn't appear confused.
I think she just thinks nobody's gonna pay
attention to her unless she's crying like her
heart is breaking.
Now she seems placated for these thirty seconds.
So, yeah, the, you know,
I think the the
the term love map is cutesy. I think
that's Mhmm. You know, if somebody needs that
to be able to sort of, like, have
a name for it, have a label for
it. But,
you know, some of the things we've talked
about
in the over the past few years of
our personal life stress and then our 2025
project of, like, oh, getting back to one
another, we've always
emphasized
that
we genuinely
like one another. If the power exchange goes
away, if we can't do fuckery,
we still want to be in each other's
presence.
And I I don't need a name for
that. I like the guy. I wanna know
as much about him as he will let
me know,
not just because I'm a nosy bitch, although
there is that. Right? The more I know
about JB, the better I can serve as
a submissive,
the better I can react when,
you know, things get rough and he's biting
my head off, and I can remember this
is not personal.
This is a trauma response. You know, y'all
know I'm gonna, you know,
do some psychology in my head, but therapize
and all that good stuff. But,
you know, I don't know that
anybody necessarily
needs the term. So I don't know that
power exchange needs love maps. I think the
concept of being genuinely curious about your partner
within
the bounds of whatever you've negotiated with each
other. And and there and that's what I
was thinking. You just said the said that
word.
You know, in thinking about this, it's
you could almost say we do have a
name for it in the lifestyle and it's
negotiation.
I think so. For the power change part
of the For the most part. I mean,
you know, because you're asking, you know, when
you're negotiating you're asking, you know, what do
you like? Do you like
spankings? Do you like canes? Do you like
this? You know, do you have any anything
that prohibits you from, you know, so you
have to learn about the person. And then
as you do the thing with the person,
you learn more about them because you learn
their responses. You learn both by having conversations
and by observation.
Well, how intense can I do this? How
often? What can they take?
What can they handle is what I mean.
So that makes sense to me as well.
What I'm curious about Mhmm.
Because I had a very,
shameless self promotion moment when I thought about
this is,
do we
do this already?
Is it something that would be beneficial to
have
a version of a love map that's but
that's specific to kink and power exchange. It's
the understanding
and knowing
Mhmm. Of not just what your partner has
agreed to, but the things they're curious about,
the things that have gone wrong in their
kink life, the things that they hope for
in their kink life, where they're trying to
take this kink train of their life, you
know. And shameless self promotion time, I did
immediately think of our thirty days of DS
workbooks that we do sell on Etsy links
in the places. Those are not were not
written for that. They were written so that,
you know, you can either kind of figure
yourself out or you could
figure out with a partner
what you both want and how you both
perceive these different concepts. That's what they were
built for.
But and then then made me go should
I should I create questions for so people
can build a kink map? But before I
even take on that project,
you know, is there any benefit
to that, or is it just the same
thing as a love map, but just by
a different name? Because in our friendship, I
do understand your kinks, and I do sort
of you know, I know the past history
that you've shared with me. I know how
you respond to things. You know, it's all
sort of built part and parcel as I've
figured you out as a human, and your
kinks are just
part of you as, you know, as a
person. Yeah. So,
you know, I think that's the thing I'm
interested. I I like the idea of the,
you know,
the concept of a love map. I don't
care about the term that doesn't do anything
for me Mhmm. Other than to be easy
shorthand. Yeah. Because it all it does is
back up a thing we have believed
this whole time. Right. But I do wonder
if there's benefit
for kinksters in, I'm gonna say power exchange
specifically,
because that's my area of expertise,
to have
more
intimate knowings
of each other's internal world,
specifically
from
a kink perspective.
So that that way, maybe you are gonna
power exchange with somebody and it's platonic and
you don't live with one another, and you're
not trying to build a life forever, but
you really want this dynamic to continue as
long as it both serves you.
Is there
is there benefit to having that kind of
internal
understanding
of your partner's inner world
from a power exchange kink perspective?
Does it make you I don't know if
it makes you a better kinkster, but does
it make
weathering the stress of
when your lives interfere with your power exchange?
Does it help
you negotiate
new things in an e you know? In
a in a in a more yeah.
Right.
So what do you think about the cons
what do you think about that? No. I
think I think it's a it's a good
concept. And like I said, I think for
for the most part, a lot of people,
we already do it in the lifestyle.
You know, and I I know that long
term couples definitely Yeah. Do it.
But it's
to my knowledge, it's not something you do
on purpose. It's a thing that just sort
of happens. You get to know one another.
Yeah. And yet in
in DS,
it happens on purpose.
At the start of it, it happens on
purpose. Absolutely. It has to. Mhmm. So, you
know, be because you need to sit down
and understand the person you're playing with.
And there's play, but there's also living with
because there are things that make me,
I hope, a better submissive, but understand you
as a dominant because I understand certain parts
of your life. Right? Mhmm. Like,
I am better at knowing that when you
are grumpy and grouchy and grouchy and snappy,
that I've not done it uh-huh.
I haven't done anything wrong.
This is,
you know,
how you respond in certain times of stress.
Right?
When I get
snappy
Mhmm.
You know, I'd like to believe that sometimes,
not always, because nobody's perfect, you know, we
all have our own stuff going on. We
don't always read each other Mhmm. Properly. But
you're not thinking she's being a shitty submissive.
You're thinking something has gotten to her. Something
wrong. Something is wrong. What's wrong? What's going
on? And I get where we would know
these things about one another because we are
literally together twenty four seven. If we do
not know these things now, there is something
wrong. Seriously
wrong. But the
so no. Have having that deep understanding about
a partner
can about you specifically. I use myself as
the example.
Understanding you that well, as well as I
do, knowing the things about you that I
do,
I feel better able to offer
suggestions of what you need Mhmm. As a
human, but as a dominant, what I can
do for you as a submissive,
what, you know, what I think will be
a service to you. Right? How the hell
I can get the hell out of your
way so we're not having a stupid fight
because one of us was cranky. Right?
And I know a lot of that just
sounds like relationship
stuff,
but
not every power exchange
swims in the same relationship kind of pool.
True. Not everybody's trying to live together and
raise babies together True. True. True. And be
together until they're 99.
Right? Like Right.
So, therefore,
nobody's talking
to those folks about, hey. Here's a benefit
to genuinely
understanding
Mhmm. Your person as much as they will
let you. Now part of that is a
vulnerability with one another. Sure. You gotta be
willing to share. And the thought I have
is if you imagine
sharing your innermost world,
your hopes, your fears, your thoughts, your desires,
all of it, all of it, and knowing
you have a partner that
sees you that deeply, right?
If some part of you shies away from
it,
that's a conversation to have with yourself because
sometimes it's your own stuff you have you
haven't worked through yet, your own insecurities,
your own fears and anxieties.
And sometimes,
I mean,
is it because you have a partner that
you either don't really wanna know like that
or you know is not gonna let you
know them like that? I don't think that's
a basis for deciding if you should be
in a relationship. But I do think that's
a piece of information. Like, what is what
is stopping you from wanting to share that
with a person?
And oftentimes,
we have
an instinctual
reaction to something. We might not know why
we're having it, but there's there's a reason
there. And it's not always because we're the
scaredy cat who's afraid to say, you know,
vulnerable things to a partner. Sometimes it's we're
getting some signals
and
you know? But that's another thing I go
to because
there's a certain
level
of trust and back and forth that every
kinkster needs, whether you're deep in relationship power
exchange or you're just trying to get kinky.
And if this is gonna be something long
term where you wanna come back to this
person or build something with this person, have
some connection that lasts beyond the moment,
you know, there needs to be some level,
not as deep as everybody, everybody's got their
own level, of vulnerability and intimacy and learning
each other. And I think it says something
when you have a partner
who
doesn't wanna learn about you or doesn't wanna
share with you. You know? We talk about
it in terms of kink all the time.
It can be dangerous to not share pertinent
information or to not know something.
But
beyond that, they're like, that's the almost the
surface level stuff. Like, what do I need
to share with this other human being so
that I am as
mentally, emotionally, and physically,
air quote this because it's real subjective, safe,
air big air quotes on safe Mhmm. As
possible. Right? Versus
how can I get to know this person
to the point where
I can
you know?
I don't even know if I have the
language for it. It's a deep intimacy
that, to me, can make power exchange
better.
K. But we also have the
benefit. I guess, we live together. True. We're
around one another. We have learned each other's
habits and ways
and tells and, you know,
twitches and the the way we learned all
of that. Yes. Yes. And I'm not saying
every power exchange exchange needs that. Although, are
you living together, building a life together, and
are trying to be together until the end
of time?
Yes. I think you would benefit from that.
Yeah.
But would, you know, would any
kinkster doing power exchange benefit from that? And
how would they get to that? Now that's
the thing that has been on my mind
since this too because I'm like, okay. Well,
what are the questions? What are the things?
And it will be different for everybody. I
know. But what are the things
that could benefit you to understand deeply about
your partner
so that
you do have that friendship and you have
that basis for trust, and you've had the
vulnerable moments with one another and and know
that you're safe to know these things? Like,
are there
kink specific things?
Like, is it meaningful
beyond
it's what I like and I'm glad to
know it that I
know, because you've told me, what your journey
into kink was like? Right? Mhmm. Does that
is
and that's the thing. I'm too deep in
the we are in love and are married,
and you're never dying, and I'm never dying,
and we're going out like the lemon leaf.
To be able to separate, does knowing that
benefit
anybody in a power exchange relationship, regardless of
how
long you've been together or how deep you're
gonna take this relationship?
You know what I mean? Yeah. Because we
know plenty of kinksters who they're it's platonic.
They're friends. They live separate lives. They come
together Mhmm. Or they keep it it going
by text. Certainly, long distance folks, you are
separated and you only have your forms of
communication. You know? Well, we we knew some
folks back in back in the Bay Area.
He had play partner that,
for years,
and they were just platonic. And then he
married Mhmm. And still played with the other
partner at times.
So then I would be very curious about
their inner world as their that platonic power
exchange. Mhmm. How deep did their understanding of
each other go? And and was
what was the depth? And and
how, if anything, did that impact that power
exchange regardless of the other relationships a person
had? Like, it's all a thought experiment to
me right now. I have nothing concrete other
than I could not stop thinking of love
maps, one, because I felt validated
as a person who's, like, like, please be
friends
with the person you're, like, doing this thing
with, like them as a human being.
And I just sort of always assumed that
observation, curiosity,
a willingness to share. Sure. Sure. But some
of this stuff just happens over time. Like,
I had never
thought about
purposefully
focusing on how much how well can we
know one another. Right?
And it having a purpose beyond,
that's what you do when you're together forever
and you actually like each other. Right. Which
really I think that's true. That's what happens
when you're together. You're with somebody in whatever
format way that is. Right? Whatever structure.
You're with to get you're together with somebody
for a long enough period of time, and
you genuinely like them, and you have a
genuine curiosity about them.
Mhmm. But I also know that there are
people who, you know,
don't have a genuine curiosity,
might not know what questions to ask, might,
you know,
think that they're, you know, intruding. They don't
wanna, you know,
whatever whatever. And that's that's what I then
come back to when I think about power
exchange specifically. Like, you and I, we got
to this place, air quote, this naturally. Right?
Mhmm. Because I'm a nosy bitch, and I
wanna know shit. Because if I can understand
you, then I know how what to do
with you, around you, how I need to
be like, I it's it's information for me
at that point. Mhmm. But is you know,
I come back to it. And, again, this
whole episode is just a thought experiment.
I got nothing concrete.
Is there a benefit
with specifically
kink knowledge about your partner Mhmm.
And specific to power exchange
regardless of the type of power exchange? Take
out all of us married folk, right, who've
been together for a million years. You know,
if you're invested in one other, you're probably
gonna get there anyway. But, you know, is
it a thing I would tell somebody who's
like, I'm trying to, you know, get closer
with my partner. We're working on our vulnerability
and our intimacy and our communication.
You know, I know what kind of DS
they want. I know what kind of submissive
I I am. Is that enough, or can
you go deeper with this
a kink map?
Let me pull up to give you a
sense of some of the
questions that they say. This will help you
build your love map. Right? Let me let
me find
one of the PDFs
and see. Are there correlations
with kinks that we can make? So, like,
there there's so many questions in this thing.
I'm not gonna read them all. We'd be
here all day for that. But it's like,
name your partner's two closest friends.
What's your partner's favorite musical group, composer, or
instrument? His favorite is Rush.
What was your partner wearing when you first
met? A green shirt that I promptly sweated
through when we got on his motorcycle.
And and jeans.
Jeans because he was on his motorcycle.
What stresses are facing your partner in the
immediate future?
Who's your partner's favorite relative? What's your partner's
favorite food? Some of these things are
superficial to a certain extent.
What turns your partner on sexually? Well, if
I were going to kink that question out,
I'd be like, okay.
What are my partner's kinks
regardless of what we do together? Right. Like,
is that beneficial to know even if, like,
you might be into something I'm never gonna
fucking do with you. Mhmm. Does it benefit
our power exchange to have that knowledge
of you?
I don't know if it would
specifically
benefit
in a way, but I I think that
would be good knowledge to know regardless.
Mhmm.
Because it just kind of goes hand in
hand with understanding.
Just because
you know, I don't like something, but you
wanna do it Mhmm.
Doesn't mean I shouldn't understand it.
I agree with that. I agree with that
because I think the more
knowledge you have about your partner, the more
you understand one another, the closer you can
feel connected to each other. Then again too,
I'm just a naturally curious person, so I
always wanna look under the hood, but Nosy
bitches unite. Okay.
And you know what? I'm I'm being unfair
to some of these questions because I'm like,
well, these feel superficial. Well, you know what?
It's actually way more than 20, but it
is the 20,
20 questions game, I can't remember
what that thing's called, that we played back
in the day. Right? Like, I was asking,
what's your favorite movie? What do you like
to do for fun?
I think I remember asking, what's your favorite
dessert? Which at this point,
I I don't remember what you answered, but
I know it's anything Apple at this point.
Oh my. I don't even think that was
your answer back then, but I know that
now. Right? So so I can go back
and look. You my god.
So these questions,
you know,
they are very
non kinky. Most of them are non sexual.
Mhmm. You know? So to build something like
that like, I think
anybody could do this with any partner,
whether it's platonic, romantic, sexual, whatever whatever. I
think you could build the love map as
they describe it with your partner. There's not,
you know, if you haven't already done it
and it's, you know, you want to know
these things about each other, you want to
share, you're willing to share them, cool cool
cool.
But my I can't stop thinking about, well,
what kink questions
would give you a peek allow your partner
to have a peek into your inner world,
allow you to understand your partner a little
bit better, like what?
Or does it even matter?
Does it even matter?
You know,
to to say a particular thing, I think
that would be difficult
in lifestyle,
because that's
why many people use a
Checklist.
Mhmm. You know, because there are so many
things, so many possibilities, so many different combinations.
So are we, without knowing it, and why
we being the universal kinky, are we
building
our own version
of a kinky love map? I think I
think so. After so many years, yeah.
We, yes. We But I mean, like No.
I mean I mean in general too. Yeah.
Through the through the through the community.
I think, yes, that's definitely a thing that
has been happening whether
subconsciously or consciously.
Mhmm.
You know,
because
and
and you know, it's even morphed
over the years because,
oh gosh, I can't even think of what
it is now.
It's been so long since we used it
because,
rack and then the We were still aware
consensual came. Right. But then the one that
came
first.
Safe Safe, Staying, and Consensual. Yes. Thank you.
SSC. Yeah. Oh my god. Yeah. We haven't
used that forever.
Yeah. You know, I mean, that was kind
of the first
iteration
of it, and it has morphed
throughout the year, you know, and I have
RAC. There's there's even several newer ones. The
only one I know after RAC is Prick,
but I can't Right. And I think I
think you're right. They think there's something that
came after that, but I don't know what
it is. I haven't seen that. So, you
know, that is that is the evolution Mhmm.
Of it all. Mhmm.
So, you know, it it's
and I I think with
with DS
there is a little bit
Maybe not. I I kinda lost that thought,
that tread. I hate that. Yeah.
It happens. Mhmm. So then, here's my question.
Yeah. So
if
the Gottmans
are
even remotely accurate in their assessment Mhmm. That
the strong foundation of, in their case, marriage
is what they're talking about Mhmm. Is that
marital friendship, is that love map, is what
builds the foundation of your, you know, relationship
house or whatever the hell they call it.
Right?
And we've said that before, like, as power
exchange.
Right? Have your have your base. But so
here's what I'm curious about. So then they
then the
the thing that comes from that is if
you do not have
a love map of your partner, and we're
talking about the Gottman's sort of version of
it, then there's Jamie's
phone.
This is chaotic, more so than usual.
So the premise being if you do not
have a strong love map of,
your, you know,
husband, wife, whatever whatever Mhmm. Then that is
how relationships can't
stand the test of time because there is,
there are times when
you don't
really even wanna be around the other person
all that much. You're certainly not thinking about
Mhmm. You know, and I'm talking in terms
of marital. You're not thinking about sex.
You're stressed out to all hell and back.
You know, life is hard,
and it's easy to
take that stress out on a partner, which
is goes back to where we've talked many
times about how it's not
me versus you. It's us versus the problem
and blah blah blah. Right? Okay. So take
that back to kink.
Is it possible
that one of
many reasons why a relationship does not work
out in power exchange there are so many
reasons why relationships don't work out. But is
it possible that
it's not a strong enough
whether it's negotiation
or just communication about kink And that not
strong enough understanding of one another? Yeah. From
a kink perspective.
That again, there are so many reasons relationships
Yeah. I don't last. And sometimes it's just
sometimes it's a shitty human being being a
shitty human being. Yeah. But I don't wanna
negate that. But sometimes it's people who genuinely
care about one another Mhmm. Or thought they
did or negotiated something in good faith,
but it can't ever get, like, past
a point or it goes off the rails
or,
you know,
to it's people not really seeing, hearing, understanding
one of their from a kink perspective.
Do you think that that
how do I put this?
Can that kind of lack of kink map
impact the power exchange in the way that
the lack of a strong love map
presumably impacts
a marriage.
Is there a correlation there at all? I
I think so. I think there is. And
the
the worst part about it
is
in kink,
you know, if you don't have that understanding
of your partner,
somebody can get hurt. Absolutely.
On multiple levels. And I and I I'm
not saying that can't happen in in a
regular relationship Sure. With with the love map
kind of thing. There
is, you know, definitely some emotional hurt Mhmm.
If things don't happen.
But in the DS, you know, you've got
the added
thing of physical harm Right. That could happen.
Absolutely.
And mental and emotional. Yeah. You know, you
could traumatize somebody. So oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. And never, like, actually physically harm their
body.
So
is it yet again?
For the most part, with definite exceptions, it's
sort of understood,
almost scientifically at this point, that kinksters,
the kind who are doing it and trying
to be, like, good at it and healthy
at it, right,
have better communication.
They even find I have seen one or
two studies that say this, that we have,
I don't know if better mental health is
the right term, but sort of a better
understanding of of mental health Yeah. And certainly
better communication skills
as a whole on average. Right? Mhmm.
So have we, through negotiations,
through checklists,
through consent sheets,
literal worksheets, have we been already doing this
and the vanillas are just now catching up?
Well, I don't know that. I don't know
about about just catching up. I mean, how
long they've been doing the study? Fifty years.
I know. I'm Yeah.
Yeah. But it's
it's two people
Yeah.
Trying to tell the world, hey. You need
a better fucking love map with your partner.
Mhmm. And kingsters are over here going, bitch,
I got workbooks.
I got, you know, published books. I got
these worksheets right here. Mhmm. Is this
it's clearly different. Right? The love map
versus what the kink version might be. But
is it
They stole it from us.
I don't think they're one to one the
same,
but there's, you know is that what we're
doing? There's definitely an, you know On a
certain level. Venn diagram overlap there. Mhmm. Okay.
So, yeah. I I I think,
you know, whether,
again, consciously or unconsciously that, you know, kinks
are starting we're doing this that,
you know, yeah. It it's
it's a good thing. Oh, absolutely. Absolutely.
And,
you know,
I I don't know. They I I think
they took it from us and been notified
it. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. For sure. For
sure. Like, oh, those kinky people
tend to have better outcomes. Not always. We
know they're Yeah. We know they're the awful
people. And we also know that many people
struggle
to be that vulnerable with a partner for
all kinds of reasons. Right. The other thing
I think that sometimes
a person is just not
curious enough about their partner for whatever their
reasons are. Right?
Because
I don't know. I can't maybe it's because
I
cannot imagine
any
power exchange that did not come with some
depth of emotion and connection because Mhmm. I
mean, I don't do anything relationship or sexual
without some kind of connection somewhere, not necessarily
directly with the person, but there it's there's
gotta be a connecting force, and that's how
I'm wired.
But, you know, I just can't imagine doing
power exchange, especially long term, especially, like, negotiated.
This is your role. This is my role.
These are the things we're going to do
together, and not being curious about the other
person. Mhmm. You know?
I'm sure there are people out there. They
make it work. It's fine. It's fine. It's
fine. But if I wanna be connected to
a human being
in such a vulnerable way, such an intimate
way
for any amount of time. I wanna I'm
a nosy bitch. I wanna know about this
person.
And for me personally, just sort of how
I view the world and not just from,
like, the things I should see a therapist
over. I know there's some of that too.
I'm hyper vigilant, like I know stuff and
I get it.
But like I wanna know your inner world
to a certain extent. I wanna kind of
like know how a person,
you know, ticks and what what makes them
tick and how they, like, view the world
and how how,
you know,
just stuff about them,
mostly from a nosy
perspective.
But I do think I take that kind
of information in
as a submissive too, you know. And I
think dominants take
some version of that information because the more
you can kinda understand your partner, the more
you can tailor what you're doing with one
another
to fit each other. Well, to fit each
other and and, you know,
from either a relationship or a king side,
you know how much you line up. There
is that too. I think initial negotiations help
with that. Yeah. I think it's like many
people I see, like, online talking about their
relationships or where it didn't
go well or in the emails we get
where things didn't go well. Mhmm. It's like
the initial negotiations
tend to be fine, and then somewhere after
that,
things are off. Sometimes it's the first conflict,
and Mhmm. One or both sides of that
don't know how to resolve that
well.
Sometimes it's a, well, they said this is
what they wanted and this is who they
were and this is what they would do,
but now it's not matching up after the
initial excitement has worn off. Or it's the
new relationship energy has died off. We are
outside of that honeymoon period and you're like,
what am I who you know?
I just I know there are lots of
there's so many variables.
It's why I kind of feel like
this is the this is my bias coming
right on out. And I know I'm not
correct about it, but I'll just tell you
how what's in my heart, I guess.
It feels like the the concept of just
a love map, right,
is really it's simple and it's useful for
something like marriage.
But something about power exchange and kink is
way too fucking nuanced for something that
simplistic. Yeah. Does that make sense? Like, I
think it's because
and I'm sure I know this is true
for marriage. I had a marriage that was
not kinky, and I was miserable and got
out of
it. But, like,
I could not tell a kinky couple, well,
you just need to strengthen your kink map
or your love map, and it'll be okay.
It's like, well, no. If we do not
align Right. In all of these different ways,
it does not matter how much we might
like each other personally. Right? Or we really
like each other personally, but we can't make
the kink work. So how are like, you
know what I mean?
So I if it I think it might
be, and this is my bias,
that concept of just a love map is
is not nuanced enough for what it takes
to have a power exchange that, you know,
can be fulfilling for everybody involved.
Like, it might be one
piece of it, but it's not I would
not call the love map the
foundation.
I would call your compatibility
and friendship and genuinely liking this person part
of the foundation. I mean, even with a
relationship, you know, I've
said in the past that we talked about
it, you know, having your foundation for kink,
it, you know,
your your communication, your trust, and
Mhmm. You know, those all those things help
build the the foundation. Mhmm. Okay.
And and this could just be another part
of it. Is it is it, an a
whole and entirety of it in and of
itself?
No.
But I think it's a fairly good percentage.
Mhmm. You know, for to understand and know
your partner like that. Yes. I think the
way I'm seeing love maps described for non
kinky
marriages or partnerships. Right? Is, like, this is
your foundation. If you have this, then you
build upon that. And I would say for
for power exchange,
a love map or some version of it
is the outcome of what the foundation for
power exchange is. Right? Mhmm. The the outcome
of a love map is communication.
It is trust. It is vulnerability. It is
intimacy.
It is genuine curiosity about your partner to
the extent that both everybody wants to share.
It is,
the compatibility of kinks. It is friendship. That's
the fucking base. And the love map to
me,
if it that exists in some kink version
or it's the love map like you and
I would have with one another,
that's the outcome of all of that. That's
the carpet
on top of the foundation. That's the flooring.
The the concrete fucking base
is all the stuff that builds something like
a love map.
True. Yeah. I think that's where I land
on that. Yeah.
Yeah. It's a good landing.
Did I stick the landing? No. I wobbled
all the way to it, but that's okay.
That's okay. That's okay.
So you do seven five, though.
Not more?
Not even out of 10? I don't get
more.
Actually, that's not how they,
I think it's, like, a maximum of, like,
16 or 17 points now, and nobody can
get there. I don't know. Yeah. Now I've
gone down a different rabbit hole.
I don't know that my mind will let
go of this
idea that
there are specific questions and kink outside of
negotiations Mhmm.
That could help you understand your kinky partners
and enroll better. My mind's not coming up
with those questions, so maybe it never will.
But, like, I've latched on to that. Like,
because my thing is
not the love map. Like, I'm I'm fine
with whatever. Mhmm. It's the
what kind of conversations
outside of just negotiating a dynamic and negotiating
this I'm gonna do a and you're gonna
do b and how this how we'll get
to c in this scene. Right?
What kind of conversations could kinksters
specifically
have with one another
that
builds that trust, that allows them to be
vulnerable, allows them to learn about their partner
beyond the basic negotiations. That's that's the thing
I can't and I don't have answers. We're
not gonna, like, try and do it now.
But that's the thing that might stick with
me for a while. And if I can
figure out
again, shameless self promotion. Maybe for some people,
30 of DS workbooks, The thirty days of
DS is the original. Volume two is, like,
I consider more advanced. Like, you're out of
the basics
of power exchange. You're, like, kinda fucking live
it now.
Maybe that is part of it. Maybe that's
already helped folks get there.
But are, you know, are there certain types
of conversations
that we, you know, can people could have
with each other that help them build that
foundation? No. No. That might be a good
thing to ponder. I I don't think my
head's gonna let it go because
nope. It hadn't yet.
And the fact that it is still there
and I remember it Right. That that hours
and weeks later. Hey. That that says it's
not right there. Yep.
It's okay. Love Maps, I think that's a
cool concept.
I think
power exchange and kinksters in general, even if
it's not a power exchange situation, we're already
create that with the framework of our negotiations
and consent and the way that you actually
build your power exchange with a partner and
then maintain it Yeah. However long.
We're already doing it, and
love, Matt, don't is not the right term
for us. No.
Nope. Nope. So that's where I land on
it, my thought experiment.
Any other thoughts? Mm-mm.
It was a it was an interesting
topic. I know.
That's part of, you know, where my brain
is going is, okay, there's all this stuff,
especially with the the Gottmans I'm seeing get
more, like, mentions by therapists
online because my algorithm will sometimes
just be, like, relationship coaches and and therapists.
Lola agrees.
And it's like, okay. Do some of these
concepts that I'm hearing about more and more,
and I think I've Mhmm. You'll probably see
us do this more often in the future.
Is this relatable to kink? Is this can
kink
learn something from this? Or in this case,
are we already doing it? We just don't
call it that?
Doing this buried She buried herself under the
blanket. Her head. Yeah. You cannot see her
head.
She's also facing the wall and crying. Ma'am.
Ma'am.
So final shameless self promotion.
If you want to know yourself better as
a kinkster, if you're trying to, you know,
talk to your partner, y'all are new to
kink, whatever whatever, check out all thirty days
of,
DS,
workbooks, links in the places.
You know? If you already have them and
you did it for yourself to understand yourself,
you know,
is there value and could you know, if
you have a partner, could you answer those
questions on behalf of your partner and feel
like you understand how they view kink and,
you know, where they're at. I
again, that's a shame of self promotion, though.
But, yeah, that
that's all I got,
on love maps. So are we
are we good? I have no idea.
I, my cheeks are really flushed. They're very
warm, and I don't know why.
You've been talking a bit, you know. About
a thing I don't feel like I have
my arms wrapped around. I don't have a
fully formed opinion. On. That's very hard for
me. I wanna come to you with, here's
what I thought. I know. Right. Yeah. You
want you want the concrete Yeah. Solid I
don't get that with this one. That's okay.
I think I like where we
the conclusion we came to. And I think
it's fair if somebody comes to a different
conclusion. There's another, you know Yeah. But yeah.
Because I think it's gonna hit everybody differently.
Mhmm. Just like anything else. Yep. K. So
So are we truly good now?
Only you can say if I'm good. Well,
true.
Keep it kinky off. And we'll see you
next week.
Daddy.
Yes, baby girl. Can we talk to the
cricket? Sure.
Lola's being a menace. Yeah. If you are
new here, that doesn't happen every week. Last
week I think it was last week. We
didn't hear from her at all. She was
in the other room and we never heard
from her. Yeah.
In other news, it is just chilly enough
that I can wear my leggings without sweating.
Our windows are open. Our windows are open.
My toes got cold today.
I was sitting under Windows are open. AC
is fan and I off. Mhmm. Mhmm. And
it's a beautiful thing. Oh, god. And and
I don't know if it's changed. I'm not
gonna look right now. But when I looked
at the weather forecast for the ten days,
tomorrow,
Thursday,
October 30,
supposedly a special day in life. It is.
Very important day. The high is supposed to
be, like, 60. Yeah. And I'm like, happy
fucking birthday to me.
Maybe I won't sweat my ass off
on my birthday.
But I would like to point out, we
had to get to October 29 Yeah. Before
we got a day that did there where
so far the whole day, nobody's breaking out
into a sweat. I mean, you were outside
working all morning Oh, yeah.
Sawing and sanding and painting. I was kneeling.
Yeah.
No sweat. Nope.
Nope.
It's delightful. It was nice. Yeah. It's delightful.
It was. Very nice. Very nice in doing
it. Mhmm. You know, I went went outside
last last evening
and,
I was like, oh, this is this is
different.
And,
came inside, hit some buttons, and then I
opened started opening windows.
I last night was didn't quite get the
room cool enough that I
could, like, burrow under the covers, which is
k. What I'm waiting for. But
when I did get warm, I could stick
a foot out from under the covers, and
I'd cool down relatively quickly. That was nice.
That was nice. It was. That was very
nice.
So tonight, as of recording, day of recording,
we're gonna go see the oldest at yet
another performance. Yep. This time last week, we
went to that concert.
This week, it's a recital. They wear Halloween
costumes for this one. Yeah. It's a much
more intimate setting. It's like a it's actually
a classroom Mhmm. For musicians. So there's, like,
the stage, but then there's
college classroom seating.
That one's always fun. Mhmm. It
is. It is. That's
I and I think it's it's fun because,
you know, like the,
when they have the symphonic
concerts and and Big old group. You know,
it one, it's a big old group
and,
you know, it has a very serious air
Oh, yes. About it. Okay? You know? We
are, you know,
consummate professionals. This is Mhmm. This is for
a grade. Yeah. Yeah. You know, there's I
I I would almost describe it as, you
know, pomp and circumstance.
Oh, yes. Yes. The way that's handled, absolutely.
Yeah.
So,
you know, this yeah. It it's it's very
different. Casual. Casual,
you know, and, it's it's just a good
time. Yeah. Everybody
by all, whether it's the players or, you
know, the the audience. You know? They call
it a studio recital because
at least at UF I don't know how
other colleges do it. We don't go there.
The different instrument
have groups. Right? Mhmm. So this is euphoniums
and,
baritones and tubas,
which means it's like all that deep guttural
bass sound. I freaking love that. Yep.
But their,
professor is also really relaxed and does not
take herself too seriously.
So there's giggling. There's talking. Now when they're
performing,
they are like Oh, yeah. They're acting right.
Mhmm. But in the in between or sometimes
the first year this is the first year
I went because did the the oldest give
me less than twelve hours notice that he
had a performance for that?
Yeah. And I was the only one. Everybody
else was like,
no. We're we were not mentally prepared for
this. I'm like, I'll do it. And it
was fun. And then I watched I think
that year, the oldest
wore a clown nose Yes. Or did something.
He wore he yeah. The nose. And that
that's where they get silly. Like, they're playing
these pieces
in a way that shows that they take
it seriously, but they're being silly and goofy
while they do it. Or they're picking pieces
that are not, like, super, like,
serious and look how technical I could be.
They're playing, like,
you know, fun stuff. And the Halloween one,
they are. The whole thing is Halloween themed.
Mhmm. Yes. So Yes. Yep.
A euphonium I'm gonna my oldest would be
so mad at me when I find it
this way because it's not accurate. But a
euphonium is basically a small tuba. A baby
tuba. The baby tuba. Yep. And a euphonium
and a baritone are two different things, but
my brain does not know how. Mhmm.
My oldest would be ashamed of me, but
my brain does not know how they're different.
I just know they are different. There's nothing
different.
That's all I know.
So
yeah. So that's fun. Mhmm. And then tomorrow,
my mother will get here. Mhmm. And I
am looking forward to that.
But I've already tried
sending the messages,
like, okay. I'm not gonna live in perpetual.
I don't know. What do you wanna do
for the next six days?
Here's what my life looks like. Here are
my appointments. Here's what I'm open to do.
Here's here's what I got. You fill in
the fucking blanks and just tell me when
to show up. I was like, I'm not
playing that game.
Yeah. I know. A few times I've passed,
I've had to kinda, like You have to
very softly and very subtly, you have to
use your big d voice on on this
family.
And let me tell you, they all fucking
get in line, not just me. Okay?
They all go, mhmm. Yep. That's what we're
gonna do, including my uncle. It's not just
the sisters. I mean, no.
No. No. Whole fucking class. Just as bad
as them.
Well and it's one of those and, again,
I don't know if it's an age thing
or a southern thing or something. It's nobody
wants
to,
offend or or appear rude
or upset somebody else, and yet and yet
everybody is thinking the same thing. Just what's
the plan? Just what's decided? I think there's
also
and I, I don't know if this is
about
generationally,
you know, being socialized as a woman or
it's a southern regional thing. I do not
know. There is this thing of it's somehow
selfish to tell a group, well, this is
what I wanna do.
You know?
It's like, no. You're allowed to say you
wanna do a thing. Right. The group might
not agree. Yeah. But you are not inherently
rude to speak up. How is anybody gonna
know what to decide on if nobody
And now here's my problem.
I defer to you automatically. You know that.
Mhmm. That's what we do here. I defer
to my elders. I was fucking raised that
way.
So
even though I kind of understand some of
the psychology of what the fuck is happening,
And I know
that I could a 100%
be a baby girl and get whatever I
wanted to do done in the name of
decision making.
I can't make myself do it because I'm
thinking,
but they're my elders. Now we are all
grown ass people, and I got more gray
hair than any of them. Okay?
Which pisses me off because I'm the youngest
of the adult. No. No. I'm not the
youngest of the adults. The 20 year old
is the youngest of the adults. Oh my
god.
Oh my god. I lost my baby adult
status. You you you yeah. Pass the, crown.
Of the ones who are here and in
the conversation not making fucking decisions,
I could, you know, I could a 100%
go, okay. We're just gonna go here. And
if they didn't like it, they would tell
me immediately. But most likely, they go, okay.
That sounds good. And I could just
I could rule the fucking roost. And that's
and I can't I can't bring myself to
do it.
But they're my elders. What you know, my
mom's visiting. She only gets to do so
much stuff. She's only got so much time.
There are things
even here in not a major metro part
of Florida that she does not have in
South Mississippi.
So I I defer to her, but then
she's like, but I don't wanna be rude.
And I'm like, you know what's rude? Us
all sitting around getting hungry, which turns into
hangry. Hangry. Because nobody's making any sense. That
gets dangerous. Now the one time I have
seen her just go, fuck it. This is
what we're doing. Literally, that's what she said.
And she says, fuck less than JB says,
fuck. Okay?
She was driving. And she went, fuck it.
I'm just driving here. Anybody who wants to
get out and go get a some
canned.
Yeah.
But I'm still, you know, happy she's coming.
Mhmm. Yeah.
Mhmm.
So
I always look forward to her visits. Yeah.
My mom's chill. My mom is chill. Mhmm.
It's more the dynamics of when everybody gets
together, where it's like,
okay.
Yeah. Well, I my the big thing I
need to practice, we'll find out this time
next week if I manage it, is to
try not to
try to manage everybody's emotions and try to
be the peacekeeper
and the go between. Like, I just need
to let them fucking bicker. Yep. And I'll
be like, look. I'm a sit in this
back seat wherever you drive. I'll I'll get
out there. Just park wherever it is. I
don't give a fuck. But that's usually when
I have, like, a less than fun time
because I'm explaining to one sister, well, your
sister's like this because
have you considered?
And then the other sister, I'm like, well,
have you considered?
Your sister might do this because
Sounds like you're doing joint counseling.
Everybody in the fucking family needs therapy.
And why is it the people
who
tend to send us to therapy
are the last ones who will ever get
there. They do the shit that makes you
need to go to therapy.
You won't go to fucking therapy themselves.
Anyway, anyway, it's fine. It's fine. I love
my fam I do love my family. I
do love my family.
I do love my family.
Yeah. So anyway
Anyhoo.
So,
that it?
I don't know.
I know. Oh, goddamn it. Why do I
have to actually care about being a good
fucking submissive?
I know if I do not tell you
this or remind you of this and we
stop streaming and recording and you think of
it later, you're gonna go, oh, fuck. And
then go, why didn't you remind me, baby
girl?
JB,
my birthday is tomorrow. Yes.
Whatever you wanted to say earlier that you
didn't get to say, there you go. I
was a good girl and fucking reminded you.
I'll be 46, y'all.
I get to see my mommy on my
birthday.
There you go. What else what else was
it?
Oh my god.
Do y'all does anybody is anybody o OG
enough to remember when he would serenade me
with half don't please don't sing to me.
He would serenade me with happy birthday, and
now he's like,
I forgot I even wanted to talk about
it. I got nothing to say.
I was only reminding you
because that felt like the right thing to
do as your submissive.
So, yeah, folks. Tomorrow is this person's birthday.
Goddamn. Did you just mind fuck me all
the way around?
I fall for it every time.
So, you know, reach out, whether it's, you
know You don't have to. With that social
media and wish her a very happy birthday.
Oh. Or Discord even, you know, yeah.
That's very kind of it. You don't have
to.
Do what daddy says.
Damn
it. Is that what you always say? Hoisted
by my own petard.
I think I said that right. Mhmm. Mhmm.
It's fine. It's fine. It's fine.
We don't have anything special planned.
We,
my gift is my mom coming to town
for we our wedding anniversary was the day
before recording, October.
That's true. We
went and had cheap Mexican
for lunch. It was delicious. Oh, yeah. You
had to roll us out of there. You
didn't finish yours.
I had a I had looked for lunch
today. We made sure to get the lunch
specials. Yeah. We got our queso because, of
course, we did. Mhmm. But, you know, we'd,
like, stopped in the middle of our day,
took showers, put, like, grown up clothes
on. And went to lunch together. And then
we went and ran errands because are you,
like, a old married couple if you don't
turn
a date into, oh, but we can go
do these other things.
So now I'm I'm gonna give you Me?
You Me.
A little bit of a,
option. Uh-oh.
Would you
Mhmm.
Prefer
Mhmm.
To be
spanked
or flogged for your birthday? Fucking hell. I
don't know. Can I look? Look. Look. Can
I be spanked for our anniversary and flogged
for my birthday?
Or vice versa, flogged? Because I know you
really like flogging too. Flogged for our anniversary,
spanked for our birthday?
You're the ultimate decider, but if you're asking
my opinion, that's how I would do it.
Okay. Okay. We're not gonna cut this baby
in half.
And I don't like to make impossible decisions.
There's always a compromise.
But as ever, I will let the decider
decide.
Mhmm.
Alright.
In that note, we probably should go.
Okay.
We gotta eat a little bit of an
early dinner and get on the road. I'm
watching
the YouTube live. There's a bit of a
There's a major gap. Where the hell did
you go for all that time? When did
you leave that where did you go? That
was this next second time I went to,
Lola.
No. We're not that far behind.
I don't know what's happening with the stream.
Podcast listeners, don't worry. I don't know. I'm
doing either anymore. You're just getting up and
wandering away now.
Anyway, Lola is now under her blanket and
snoring.
Oh, God. Yeah. She is. She married herself
under there again. She's tucked in.
And she's And I just washed that thing,
and, you know, fold it up real nice,
and made her bed, and look what she
does. Mhmm. Mhmm.
Mhmm. Yep. She was offended when you washed
all her bedding. Yes. Yes. But that was
also the day we gave her a bath.
She was very upset about that.
And we managed to get her bath in
five minutes before a torrential downpour. A torrential
downpour.
Yeah. Yep. So Yeah. We did.
Anyway,
as always, we could keep going forever. That's
true. We could. But we're not gonna do
that. No. Because we have to, like, make
our afternoon go fast because we still got
stuff. Go see a kid perform. Yep. Be
band parents. Mhmm. Okay. We're gonna go. K.
Thanks for being here. Mhmm. Especially to the
bitter end. Yep.
And we'll see y'all next week. Uh-huh. Okay.
Bye.