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You're listening to the Loving BDSM podcast episode

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four fifty five. Kayla Lourdes here with the

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one, the only, the

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I'm losing my touch. I can't think of

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anything sassy, snarky, or silly to say. The

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amazing Joan Brownstone, whom I love, very much

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so. And I'm not even asking for anything.

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I might later, but I'm not now. I

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still love you. I love you too.

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Aw. That was

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that was a full throated acceptance.

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You're supposed to just say thank you. It's

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okay. It's okay.

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Let's, move along, shall we? Look,

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I mean, just starting as I mean to

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go on. Chaotically. It's fine.

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Speaking of that, the world is chaos. It

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feels like it's on fire. Don't look at

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the news if you don't have to.

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At least for a little bit. Save your

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mental health. Stay informed. Be a responsible

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citizen. But also take a break from it

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is all I'm saying.

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And since we could all use a break,

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let's do a BDSM Reddit response episode. Let's

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see if I can rant. We can have

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a palate cleanser, and we can work out

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all our aggression

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on people who should know better.

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That's that's where my whole thing. That's what

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I'm going for. Okay. Okay. Welcome to the

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Loving BDSM podcast. If this is your first

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time listening, glad to have you. If you're

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back for another week, welcome back. Loving BDSM

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is produced every Friday for your Kiki pleasure

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in education, and show notes are found at

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lovingbdsm.net.

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Come back often and feel free to add

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the podcast to your favorite podcast app. You

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can also follow the show on FetLife at

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lovingbdsmpc,

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on blue sky at lovingbdsm.

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Blah blah blah blah blah.

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On Instagram and technically threads at that handle,

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I will forever

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fucking

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hate

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with the passion of a thousand

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fiery suns.

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It's loving d s and the number one,

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so at

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loving d s one. I hate it with

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every fiber of my being.

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But I can't have what I want, so

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here we are.

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Or on YouTube at youtube.com/lovingbdsm,

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where you can watch us live streaming the

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podcast every Wednesday. All links are in the

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show notes. Big thanks as always to our

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kinky patrons over on Patreon, including our newest

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folks.

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We are able to be weird and chaotic

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on the Internet in large part because of

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our kinky patrons, and we are grateful for

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every fucking one of you. Yes. If you'd

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like to join our kinky community and get

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access to extra content like behind the scenes,

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what's going on in our relationship podcast episode

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each month, and some other stuff, plus access

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to our Discord server

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with a very chill,

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not,

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like, creepy,

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not everybody's on the prowl kind of community

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where we just, like,

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exist as real humans,

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you could do that.

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Join us at patreon.com/kaylalords.

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That's patreon.com/kaylalords,

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or use the link in the show notes.

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Okay. So

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before

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we get into

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this week's episode Mhmm. We're gonna start a

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thing for before we get into topics for

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I don't know how many I don't know

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how many weeks it'll last until I don't

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have anything to share.

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But this time will be the time I

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explain

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why we're doing what we're doing and then

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from here on out we'll just go, hey

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our link of the week is blow up.

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So

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we are not going into details. I'm sorry

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if this seems cryptic.

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Even if you attempt to guess, I will

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not confirm nor deny anything.

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We're

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we have changes in our life with people

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we know and it's not our story to

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tell.

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We're actually still actively in the early days

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of everything, so

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wouldn't talk about it now anyway because it's

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happening actively.

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But for reasons,

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I have been

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searching for, finding, and working with a lot

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of trans affirming care, gender affirming care, trans

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health care resources.

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Okay?

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And I've started collecting

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a lot

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of resources and links that that I need

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that I need that I'm, like, helping somebody

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with and I'm bookmarking left, right, and center.

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And the other day I just went, I

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cannot sit on these links. I need

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I know people know how to Google and

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I have no doubt most trans people may

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be aware of most, if not all, of

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the ones that I have found. I am

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not special. I am not Christopher Columbus. I

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have discovered nothing.

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But some of these things took multiple Google

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searches to finally get to

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a couple of things I came upon by

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accident. I was like, oh, I didn't know

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that was a thing. Couldn't have known to

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Google it even if I had tried.

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So my whole philosophy has always been it's

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why I had a sex blog. It's why

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we have

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a power exchange podcast.

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Is if I didn't know something, somebody else

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didn't know it either. And if I needed

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the information, somebody else needs the information.

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So,

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each week,

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especially as we're actively doing this, I have

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no doubt I'm gonna gather even more resources

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and learn about new,

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organizations

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each week until we run out, we're gonna

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share a Resource of the Week. I don't

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know if it'll help somebody whose partner

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is, you know, figuring out they're trans and

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trying to work, you know, work through what

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that looks like for them. I don't know

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if it'll be for a person who has

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figured out who they are or is just

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trying to, like, get to new stages of

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their transition or whatever whatever. But I just

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some if one person

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comes across this,

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finds out about a resource they didn't know

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about, and gets help, it's fucking worth it

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to me.

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Okay? So this will be the long winded

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one because I had to tell you why

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we got here and how we got here.

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Each the future weeks I'll be like, Hey,

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our link of the week is blah blah.

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The other thing is I do not expect

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everybody

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to listen in order week to week to

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week for what the resource is. We,

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are going to compile those links,

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on our website. The link for that is,

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in the places.

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It's actually on the stuff we recommend because

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it didn't fit anywhere else. I don't know.

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I might make a new page at some

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point but it is linked. Okay?

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Right now the only day of recording, the

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only link that is there is this week's

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link because I didn't have time to do

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all my other links. But eventually I'll get

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them all up there even before we talk

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about them here. So

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the first one I want to talk about,

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is the,

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site and the organization is called Campaign for

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Southern Equality.

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Their mission statement on their site

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and

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pasted it because I didn't wanna say it

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wrong. They are working to build a South

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where LGBTQ

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plus people are equal in every part of

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life. A South where your ZIP code doesn't

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determine your rights. Where all of us are

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free to be who we truly are and

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love who we truly love.

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Random Google search sent me there. I looked

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around on their website. They've got a lot

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of good resources, not just for for trans

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folks, but they have very specific

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resources and help

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for

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trans

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both adults and kids, trans people.

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In everything we've been doing, I ended up

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scheduling a phone call. Y'all know how I

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feel about phone calls.

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And the person I talked to was absolutely

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lovely,

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gave

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legitimate

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good help. And that phone call only lasted

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ten minutes, so even better.

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Even better.

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And that

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with the information that I was in the

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process of gathering, that sent us down paths

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that we are now going down.

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Extremely helpful,

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if you are like us living in a

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state where your government has decided to just

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start taking away rights.

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It's very frustrating.

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It is very frustrating.

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It is scary. The rhetoric that was coming

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out of our federal government late last week

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and over the weekend was terrifying. Yeah. I

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know it's not new. I know it's not

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new, but

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It's kind of ramping up a little bit.

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Right. So,

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if you happen to live or somebody you

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care about happens to live in a state

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and they're like, what the hell am I

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supposed to do? My state has banned all

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this. It's not allowing. It's making it harder.

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It's putting in

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unnecessary red tape,

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feel free. The link is in the places.

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I hope somebody else can get use out

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of that particular resources. Any of these resources

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we'll end up talking about, but especially that

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one. That was the

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one where I got off the phone and

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I just cried happy tears.

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I was like, well that was delightful.

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And look, I have actionable information

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I can do something with.

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I have learned in the past several weeks

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that that is like the best thing somebody

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can give me while I'm trying to figure

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things out.

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And I appreciated it. So Campaign for Southern

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Equality is not just for trans affirming care,

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but if you are that's that's our connection

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to it.

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So but if you are, you know, living

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in the South, LGBTQ plus

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there you go.

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Check that out if, you need to. Send

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it on to somebody you might know who

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could benefit.

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So that is that.

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Okay.

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All that and I have to take

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a sip of my Diet Coke.

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It's my first Diet Coke of the day,

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so it's a very special Diet Coke. It

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all

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does mean that I'm gonna get bubbles and

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hopefully not into the microphone. Nobody wants that.

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Okay. So we have several

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posts from

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the kinky side of Reddit.

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Let's start the title of this one.

275
00:09:55,075 --> 00:09:58,134
My sub refused to say the safe word.

276
00:09:59,075 --> 00:10:01,475
TLDR, my sub had a terrible experience during

277
00:10:01,475 --> 00:10:03,235
a session and refused to use her safe

278
00:10:03,235 --> 00:10:05,549
word. I feel betrayed, confused, and worried. I

279
00:10:05,549 --> 00:10:06,910
may have hurt her without knowing it. What

280
00:10:06,910 --> 00:10:08,429
do I do now? That's that's what we're

281
00:10:08,429 --> 00:10:10,049
getting to, but here's the story.

282
00:10:10,669 --> 00:10:12,429
Let me lean closer because I got old

283
00:10:12,429 --> 00:10:13,649
lady glasses. Okay.

284
00:10:14,830 --> 00:10:17,070
After our session last night, during the aftercare,

285
00:10:17,070 --> 00:10:18,910
we were joking and relaxing, and I was

286
00:10:18,910 --> 00:10:21,774
debriefing with her. She had several powerful orgasms,

287
00:10:21,774 --> 00:10:23,695
so she was exhausted, but she was in,

288
00:10:23,695 --> 00:10:25,855
what appeared to me, a good mood. I

289
00:10:25,855 --> 00:10:27,615
know her very well. We've been together for

290
00:10:27,615 --> 00:10:29,615
more than ten years, and nothing special was

291
00:10:29,615 --> 00:10:31,774
on my radar at this point. After a

292
00:10:31,774 --> 00:10:33,455
few questions about what I did and how

293
00:10:33,455 --> 00:10:35,240
I did it, her her answers started to

294
00:10:35,240 --> 00:10:37,080
feel a little bit off. So I pressed

295
00:10:37,080 --> 00:10:39,399
her gently because I was not sure about

296
00:10:39,399 --> 00:10:40,620
what she meant exactly.

297
00:10:41,080 --> 00:10:43,879
Then jokingly, she said that what I said

298
00:10:43,879 --> 00:10:45,879
at one point was not okay at all,

299
00:10:45,879 --> 00:10:47,340
that it made her feel miserable,

300
00:10:47,714 --> 00:10:49,794
not in the, quote, good way during the

301
00:10:49,794 --> 00:10:52,134
playing session. Like, really, really miserable.

302
00:10:52,434 --> 00:10:54,274
But she added that in the end, it

303
00:10:54,274 --> 00:10:55,834
was alright. And now that I was aware

304
00:10:55,834 --> 00:10:57,634
of it, I could adjust easily and never

305
00:10:57,634 --> 00:10:58,375
do it again.

306
00:10:58,914 --> 00:11:01,894
I was surprised and curious. I apologized sincerely.

307
00:11:01,954 --> 00:11:04,649
I felt terribly uncomfortable and sorry. She was

308
00:11:04,649 --> 00:11:06,409
still smiling and joking at this point, but

309
00:11:06,409 --> 00:11:08,250
I was not. I asked her how bad

310
00:11:08,250 --> 00:11:10,169
it was, what exactly did I say wrong.

311
00:11:10,169 --> 00:11:11,929
I wanted to know exactly where I messed

312
00:11:11,929 --> 00:11:14,009
up. I also added that I was shameful

313
00:11:14,009 --> 00:11:16,570
because I didn't see anything wrong during the

314
00:11:16,570 --> 00:11:18,029
session, only her pleasure.

315
00:11:19,014 --> 00:11:21,095
Then she became very serious all of a

316
00:11:21,095 --> 00:11:23,254
sudden, and she started to cry. She said

317
00:11:23,254 --> 00:11:25,495
it was a horrible experience, that she felt

318
00:11:25,495 --> 00:11:27,095
bad. She didn't like it at all, that

319
00:11:27,095 --> 00:11:29,355
my words did make her feel like shit,

320
00:11:29,415 --> 00:11:31,095
and she had to focus pretty hard not

321
00:11:31,095 --> 00:11:33,014
to lose focus and still be able to

322
00:11:33,014 --> 00:11:33,419
have

323
00:11:34,299 --> 00:11:35,279
orgasms. I was

324
00:11:35,659 --> 00:11:37,740
shocked. I asked her why she didn't say

325
00:11:37,740 --> 00:11:39,440
the safe word. I was so confused.

326
00:11:39,899 --> 00:11:41,659
She answered that she didn't want to at

327
00:11:41,659 --> 00:11:44,860
first. Then she hesitated, then tried to, didn't

328
00:11:44,860 --> 00:11:47,565
manage to, and finally decided not to. After

329
00:11:47,565 --> 00:11:49,004
that, she said she didn't want to talk

330
00:11:49,004 --> 00:11:50,605
about this anymore, that this was the end

331
00:11:50,605 --> 00:11:52,845
of the conversation, that it was alright because

332
00:11:52,845 --> 00:11:54,285
I would learn my lesson and not do

333
00:11:54,285 --> 00:11:56,304
it anymore. So everything was fine now.

334
00:11:56,605 --> 00:11:59,085
But is it though? We cuddled and spent

335
00:11:59,085 --> 00:12:00,684
the rest of the evening doing something else

336
00:12:00,684 --> 00:12:01,665
and sharing affection.

337
00:12:02,129 --> 00:12:03,889
The things I've said, we already talked about

338
00:12:03,889 --> 00:12:05,730
them previously. The things I've done, we have

339
00:12:05,730 --> 00:12:07,350
done them countless times before.

340
00:12:07,889 --> 00:12:10,149
I'm so confused. I'm hurt. I feel sadness,

341
00:12:10,210 --> 00:12:12,610
shame, anger, all at the same time. I

342
00:12:12,610 --> 00:12:14,625
also feel betrayed. She refused to say the

343
00:12:14,625 --> 00:12:16,465
safe word when she was feeling bad while

344
00:12:16,465 --> 00:12:17,524
it was her responsibility.

345
00:12:18,144 --> 00:12:19,825
But now I feel like shit because I

346
00:12:19,825 --> 00:12:21,745
saw nothing of it and she was under

347
00:12:21,745 --> 00:12:22,485
my responsibility

348
00:12:22,865 --> 00:12:24,545
too. I love her. The idea that her

349
00:12:24,545 --> 00:12:26,225
session was something she had to go through

350
00:12:26,225 --> 00:12:28,085
rather than enjoy breaks my heart.

351
00:12:28,470 --> 00:12:30,230
It never happened before from what I can

352
00:12:30,230 --> 00:12:32,070
tell at least. I don't know if my

353
00:12:32,070 --> 00:12:34,629
judgment means anything at this point. And now

354
00:12:34,629 --> 00:12:35,909
I'm not sure if I can trust her

355
00:12:35,909 --> 00:12:38,070
anymore or if I can trust myself either,

356
00:12:38,070 --> 00:12:40,230
to be fair. Maybe it wasn't the first

357
00:12:40,230 --> 00:12:42,070
time. Maybe it will happen again on another

358
00:12:42,070 --> 00:12:44,335
topic without me noticing once again.

359
00:12:44,875 --> 00:12:47,034
Lastly, I feel guilty and like an asshole

360
00:12:47,034 --> 00:12:48,554
because she's the one that had to endure

361
00:12:48,554 --> 00:12:50,554
a session that felt wrong and that I

362
00:12:50,554 --> 00:12:53,355
inflicted her on her somehow. And yet I'm

363
00:12:53,355 --> 00:12:55,034
still here whining and saying that I feel

364
00:12:55,034 --> 00:12:55,534
terrible.

365
00:12:56,029 --> 00:12:57,790
My plan is to try to understand why

366
00:12:57,790 --> 00:12:59,629
she didn't wanna say the safe word exactly

367
00:12:59,629 --> 00:13:02,350
and, what else, plan our sessions even better?

368
00:13:02,350 --> 00:13:04,269
I can't think straight anymore, but what I

369
00:13:04,269 --> 00:13:05,790
know is that I really wanna make things

370
00:13:05,790 --> 00:13:07,549
right from now on. I'm lost. I need

371
00:13:07,549 --> 00:13:09,410
help. What would you do?

372
00:13:12,945 --> 00:13:15,264
And I'm gonna the reason I chose this

373
00:13:15,264 --> 00:13:17,665
one, because for all that we lecture, subs,

374
00:13:17,665 --> 00:13:19,105
you gotta use that safe word. You got

375
00:13:19,345 --> 00:13:21,264
Mhmm. This is what the other side of

376
00:13:21,264 --> 00:13:23,184
it can look like. That's true. When a

377
00:13:23,184 --> 00:13:25,549
dom is like, I thought everything was good.

378
00:13:25,549 --> 00:13:28,190
Mhmm. But it wasn't. So now all of

379
00:13:28,190 --> 00:13:29,870
that self doubt, all of that questioning I

380
00:13:29,870 --> 00:13:31,649
don't think the questioning is bad. I think

381
00:13:32,029 --> 00:13:33,470
you should look internally and go, did I

382
00:13:33,470 --> 00:13:35,230
miss a signal? How do I you know,

383
00:13:35,230 --> 00:13:37,309
those are all good. You you you need

384
00:13:37,309 --> 00:13:39,409
to be able to do that. Mhmm. But

385
00:13:40,575 --> 00:13:42,434
what what's really amiss here

386
00:13:42,894 --> 00:13:45,315
is that she won't talk about it. Right.

387
00:13:45,615 --> 00:13:48,514
You know, and and and that to me

388
00:13:51,375 --> 00:13:52,034
is like

389
00:13:52,350 --> 00:13:54,350
horrible. You're just left hanging in limbo. You're

390
00:13:54,350 --> 00:13:56,110
not really sure what you did, what you

391
00:13:56,110 --> 00:13:57,870
didn't do, what, you know. Right. And and

392
00:13:57,870 --> 00:13:59,629
the way I'm understanding that was a that

393
00:13:59,629 --> 00:14:01,470
was a long post, was that this was

394
00:14:01,470 --> 00:14:03,549
stuff they had talked about previously. This was

395
00:14:03,549 --> 00:14:05,169
stuff that they had done previously.

396
00:14:05,714 --> 00:14:08,115
But this time it didn't, pardon the pun,

397
00:14:08,115 --> 00:14:09,254
land well. Right.

398
00:14:09,714 --> 00:14:12,434
And so, yeah. I, you know, I I

399
00:14:12,434 --> 00:14:13,334
have no doubt,

400
00:14:14,034 --> 00:14:17,794
2020 perspective or an outside, like, truly objective

401
00:14:17,794 --> 00:14:20,450
perspective would probably find, like, flaws on both

402
00:14:20,450 --> 00:14:21,750
sides. You could've done that.

403
00:14:22,050 --> 00:14:24,129
Okay. But we don't get that. Nobody gets

404
00:14:24,129 --> 00:14:25,889
the benefit of that. This person is, like,

405
00:14:25,889 --> 00:14:27,269
trying to figure out

406
00:14:28,290 --> 00:14:29,809
what didn't I see? What did I miss?

407
00:14:29,809 --> 00:14:31,664
How why was it this time? And, yeah,

408
00:14:31,664 --> 00:14:33,504
it doesn't sound like they're they've gotten, at

409
00:14:33,504 --> 00:14:34,164
this point,

410
00:14:34,544 --> 00:14:36,485
full information from their submissive.

411
00:14:40,544 --> 00:14:42,225
I mean, you know, you if you if

412
00:14:42,225 --> 00:14:44,110
you want to, you know,

413
00:14:45,129 --> 00:14:47,449
I I give the guy credit or person

414
00:14:47,449 --> 00:14:47,949
they,

415
00:14:48,730 --> 00:14:50,649
you know, admitted they may have made a

416
00:14:50,649 --> 00:14:51,149
mistake,

417
00:14:51,610 --> 00:14:53,070
or they made a mistake,

418
00:14:53,529 --> 00:14:55,529
you know, and and they didn't want to

419
00:14:55,529 --> 00:14:57,789
do it again, and they wanted the information

420
00:14:58,274 --> 00:14:59,975
so that they can, you know,

421
00:15:00,434 --> 00:15:01,975
do better. Mhmm.

422
00:15:02,434 --> 00:15:05,955
Mhmm. And and instead, he's just left with

423
00:15:05,955 --> 00:15:09,254
nothing. Right. And, you know, I think the

424
00:15:10,195 --> 00:15:11,875
quite frankly, the I don't want anybody to

425
00:15:11,875 --> 00:15:14,240
ever feel shame, you know, shame is less

426
00:15:14,240 --> 00:15:16,480
helpful than guilt, but shame comes from a

427
00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:18,100
place and has a meaning. And I think

428
00:15:18,320 --> 00:15:20,480
it feels like a good sign that not

429
00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:22,799
only is there, you know, I wanna make

430
00:15:22,799 --> 00:15:24,480
sure this doesn't happen again. I wanna understand

431
00:15:24,480 --> 00:15:26,480
what happened. How did I miss this? But

432
00:15:26,480 --> 00:15:26,980
also,

433
00:15:27,904 --> 00:15:29,764
you know, the fact that

434
00:15:30,225 --> 00:15:32,465
it is they are feeling this so deeply

435
00:15:32,465 --> 00:15:35,264
is, you know, is a good sign that

436
00:15:35,264 --> 00:15:37,044
they really are genuinely

437
00:15:37,504 --> 00:15:38,004
trying.

438
00:15:39,184 --> 00:15:41,920
But it is yet another reminder that a

439
00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:45,700
dom cannot know all see all be all,

440
00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:47,460
and it is absolutely

441
00:15:47,840 --> 00:15:50,160
the responsibility of the submissive to the extent

442
00:15:50,160 --> 00:15:51,299
that they can,

443
00:15:51,679 --> 00:15:53,920
I'll get back to that, to communicate those

444
00:15:53,920 --> 00:15:56,305
things. I a 100% understand the possibility of

445
00:15:56,305 --> 00:15:59,445
a sub being in the moment and struggling.

446
00:15:59,745 --> 00:16:02,545
Now we don't know why she struggled. Was

447
00:16:02,545 --> 00:16:04,865
it, you know, a feeling of letting him

448
00:16:04,865 --> 00:16:07,105
down? Was it a this? Did did she

449
00:16:07,105 --> 00:16:09,665
freeze and she just literally couldn't and then

450
00:16:09,665 --> 00:16:11,605
by the time she unfroze she went,

451
00:16:12,070 --> 00:16:13,909
it's fine. I'll just suck it up. Who

452
00:16:13,909 --> 00:16:15,669
knows? We don't have that information, and there

453
00:16:15,669 --> 00:16:17,370
are a lot of reasons it can happen.

454
00:16:17,589 --> 00:16:20,070
But it's not just about what happened in

455
00:16:20,070 --> 00:16:22,549
the moment, because there can be good reasons

456
00:16:22,549 --> 00:16:24,789
for that, valid reasons, I should say. It's

457
00:16:24,789 --> 00:16:26,705
what you do after. It's how you handle

458
00:16:26,705 --> 00:16:29,585
it after. And maybe during aftercare wasn't the

459
00:16:29,585 --> 00:16:31,045
time to go over

460
00:16:31,985 --> 00:16:35,045
all of the details of what happened, but

461
00:16:35,904 --> 00:16:36,945
there should have been

462
00:16:38,759 --> 00:16:40,279
in whatever amount of time it took for

463
00:16:40,279 --> 00:16:42,460
everybody to kind of feel themselves again

464
00:16:42,920 --> 00:16:44,920
and to be out of like the scene

465
00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:46,460
and out of that headspace

466
00:16:47,320 --> 00:16:50,120
absolutely a coming together to go okay let

467
00:16:50,120 --> 00:16:52,680
let's break this down from each of our

468
00:16:52,680 --> 00:16:53,180
perspectives

469
00:16:53,574 --> 00:16:55,195
Because there have been times

470
00:16:55,815 --> 00:16:58,214
where we've had a scene and something has

471
00:16:58,214 --> 00:16:59,894
happened, not to the extent I felt like

472
00:16:59,894 --> 00:17:01,254
I needed a safe word, but a thing

473
00:17:01,254 --> 00:17:03,014
I was like, oh I don't want to

474
00:17:03,014 --> 00:17:03,914
do that again.

475
00:17:04,454 --> 00:17:05,674
And so when

476
00:17:06,214 --> 00:17:09,119
there when everything's common and I feel like

477
00:17:09,119 --> 00:17:10,480
this is the time to say, I'll go,

478
00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:12,740
hey. You know that thing that happened here?

479
00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:14,720
Yeah. Here's how I felt about it. That

480
00:17:14,720 --> 00:17:17,380
wasn't my jam. And you have those conversations.

481
00:17:17,519 --> 00:17:19,059
If it's so serious that

482
00:17:19,680 --> 00:17:21,680
she froze and couldn't say for it, well,

483
00:17:21,680 --> 00:17:22,180
now

484
00:17:22,634 --> 00:17:24,315
we you know, there have to be signals.

485
00:17:24,315 --> 00:17:25,674
There have to be more check ins, and

486
00:17:25,674 --> 00:17:27,434
she's gonna have to me have to be

487
00:17:27,434 --> 00:17:27,934
okay

488
00:17:28,474 --> 00:17:31,515
with a very nervous Dom who's very now

489
00:17:31,515 --> 00:17:34,154
uncertain of themselves checking in maybe more than

490
00:17:34,154 --> 00:17:35,855
they ever have because

491
00:17:36,154 --> 00:17:38,299
they're if this is gonna continue, the commute

492
00:17:38,460 --> 00:17:40,539
lines of communication have to be better. The

493
00:17:40,539 --> 00:17:42,460
trust has to be rebuilt because now not

494
00:17:42,460 --> 00:17:44,460
only do they not trust themselves. Yeah. Like

495
00:17:44,460 --> 00:17:46,779
they said, they don't trust their submissive. Is

496
00:17:46,940 --> 00:17:48,460
are they gonna tell me what I need

497
00:17:48,460 --> 00:17:51,339
to know if I'm not seeing signals that

498
00:17:51,339 --> 00:17:52,940
would make me think, oh, I need to

499
00:17:52,940 --> 00:17:54,855
check-in. Oh, I need to slow down. I

500
00:17:55,315 --> 00:17:55,815
would

501
00:17:56,914 --> 00:17:58,674
to the extent that that they can both

502
00:17:58,674 --> 00:17:59,734
have these conversations

503
00:18:00,274 --> 00:18:01,974
Look, I know I am

504
00:18:02,434 --> 00:18:03,335
way too,

505
00:18:04,515 --> 00:18:07,900
introspective and self aware, But sometimes that can,

506
00:18:07,900 --> 00:18:09,279
like, be helpful

507
00:18:09,740 --> 00:18:10,240
because

508
00:18:10,779 --> 00:18:11,840
there can be

509
00:18:12,220 --> 00:18:13,900
micro signals. I know that's not really the

510
00:18:13,900 --> 00:18:15,920
word I'm trying to use. But, like, cues

511
00:18:15,980 --> 00:18:18,884
that don't aren't big and obvious. Right? So

512
00:18:18,884 --> 00:18:20,744
if the submissive can identify

513
00:18:21,285 --> 00:18:23,205
the specific moments or at least one or

514
00:18:23,205 --> 00:18:25,305
two moments where, hey, when this happened,

515
00:18:25,765 --> 00:18:26,984
here's how I felt.

516
00:18:27,605 --> 00:18:30,244
Maybe here's my body tensed up. Here's some,

517
00:18:30,244 --> 00:18:31,865
like, small subtle things

518
00:18:32,970 --> 00:18:34,890
that maybe you can learn to notice. I

519
00:18:34,890 --> 00:18:36,750
think we have to be careful of wanting

520
00:18:36,970 --> 00:18:39,289
our doms to be perfect and to just

521
00:18:39,289 --> 00:18:41,369
know all the things. I don't that's not

522
00:18:41,369 --> 00:18:41,869
fair.

523
00:18:42,329 --> 00:18:44,410
But if you can tie, here's how I

524
00:18:44,410 --> 00:18:46,634
was feeling to here's what my my body

525
00:18:46,634 --> 00:18:49,134
did in that moment. Here's where, you know,

526
00:18:49,355 --> 00:18:51,674
I I stopped looking at you. I I

527
00:18:51,674 --> 00:18:54,234
stopped doing this. I started doing that. And

528
00:18:54,234 --> 00:18:55,215
over time,

529
00:18:55,595 --> 00:18:58,234
can learn that together, learn the language of

530
00:18:58,234 --> 00:19:00,880
each other's, like, body language, so to speak.

531
00:19:01,099 --> 00:19:02,240
That's if if

532
00:19:03,660 --> 00:19:05,900
the she has the ability to identify that.

533
00:19:05,900 --> 00:19:06,960
Not everybody does.

534
00:19:07,579 --> 00:19:09,119
Not everybody lives in their head

535
00:19:09,900 --> 00:19:12,284
to an unhealthy extent. I can do that

536
00:19:12,284 --> 00:19:14,044
with JB. I we have come out of

537
00:19:14,044 --> 00:19:15,325
scenes, and I've been like, you know, when

538
00:19:15,325 --> 00:19:17,164
I my head did that thing? Yeah. I

539
00:19:17,164 --> 00:19:17,904
was uncomfortable.

540
00:19:19,964 --> 00:19:20,464
Thankfully,

541
00:19:20,924 --> 00:19:22,444
it's never been to the extent where I

542
00:19:22,444 --> 00:19:24,309
needed to say for them didn't. But We

543
00:19:24,430 --> 00:19:26,369
we've even had things happen where

544
00:19:26,750 --> 00:19:28,269
a couple times where we,

545
00:19:29,470 --> 00:19:32,210
you know, didn't talk about it right afterwards.

546
00:19:32,590 --> 00:19:33,090
Right.

547
00:19:33,470 --> 00:19:35,070
But we were like, you know, this needs

548
00:19:35,070 --> 00:19:37,615
to be talked about. Let's wait until morning

549
00:19:37,615 --> 00:19:40,335
when we decompress a little bit. Mhmm. I

550
00:19:40,335 --> 00:19:41,695
would say there does not need to be

551
00:19:41,695 --> 00:19:44,195
any seining between these two until some in-depth

552
00:19:44,255 --> 00:19:44,755
conversations

553
00:19:45,375 --> 00:19:46,515
have occurred, until,

554
00:19:47,214 --> 00:19:48,595
you know, the Dom

555
00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:51,519
feels less a lot less shame, a lot

556
00:19:51,519 --> 00:19:52,480
less. Mhmm.

557
00:19:53,039 --> 00:19:55,599
I think nervousness going into a scene is

558
00:19:55,599 --> 00:19:58,159
not inherently bad unless you're so nervous you

559
00:19:58,159 --> 00:20:00,000
can't function properly, then nope. That's not a

560
00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:01,779
good day. Yeah. But, like, I think

561
00:20:02,505 --> 00:20:04,765
the Dom needs to figure out what reassurances

562
00:20:05,305 --> 00:20:07,805
they need to feel comfortable and confident,

563
00:20:08,664 --> 00:20:10,825
while also learning more about their submissive and

564
00:20:10,825 --> 00:20:12,265
how they can help them. And their submissive

565
00:20:12,265 --> 00:20:14,184
needs to just fucking open up and just

566
00:20:14,184 --> 00:20:16,285
say the hard thing, whatever it is.

567
00:20:16,664 --> 00:20:19,519
And maybe they investigate and explore together how

568
00:20:19,519 --> 00:20:20,019
to

569
00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:22,559
send signals or know it's time to check-in

570
00:20:22,559 --> 00:20:24,400
or just, like, say, it doesn't matter if

571
00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:25,759
I'm getting the signal. This is when I'll

572
00:20:25,759 --> 00:20:28,640
check-in. This is until they're comfortable enough with

573
00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:30,640
each other, until the trust is built back

574
00:20:30,640 --> 00:20:31,140
up

575
00:20:31,505 --> 00:20:33,585
that maybe they don't feel like they need

576
00:20:33,585 --> 00:20:34,565
quite that level

577
00:20:35,345 --> 00:20:37,744
of reassurance in scene. But I wouldn't have

578
00:20:37,744 --> 00:20:40,164
a scene again until you'd laid out some

579
00:20:40,384 --> 00:20:42,545
baseline. Yeah. Because that's not fair to either

580
00:20:42,545 --> 00:20:44,384
of them. No. It's not. Because some if

581
00:20:44,384 --> 00:20:47,025
there's a thing that's happening to the submissive

582
00:20:47,025 --> 00:20:49,160
that they aren't prepared for and can't tell

583
00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:50,759
you they're gonna get triggered, a thing is

584
00:20:50,759 --> 00:20:51,500
gonna happen,

585
00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:54,059
well, then they can't communicate effectively

586
00:20:54,599 --> 00:20:56,220
how to keep themselves safe.

587
00:20:56,599 --> 00:20:58,599
If they freeze in a moment like that

588
00:20:58,599 --> 00:21:00,359
and so then can't say for it, that's

589
00:21:00,359 --> 00:21:01,500
not good for anybody.

590
00:21:02,674 --> 00:21:04,055
And, yeah, I just

591
00:21:05,954 --> 00:21:07,654
I just this one

592
00:21:11,714 --> 00:21:13,315
really struck me because I was like, man,

593
00:21:13,315 --> 00:21:15,380
we talk a lot about when, you know,

594
00:21:15,380 --> 00:21:16,440
when doms don't,

595
00:21:19,220 --> 00:21:20,980
respect the safe word or, you know, we

596
00:21:20,980 --> 00:21:22,819
talk about why subs need the safe word,

597
00:21:22,819 --> 00:21:24,759
not just for their own safety, but this

598
00:21:24,819 --> 00:21:26,740
is the picture of it. This is what

599
00:21:26,740 --> 00:21:29,940
can happen. And then seemingly, in otherwise healthy,

600
00:21:29,940 --> 00:21:32,804
good power exchange, kink relationship, whatever.

601
00:21:33,265 --> 00:21:33,765
Yeah.

602
00:21:34,704 --> 00:21:35,284
So next

603
00:21:35,744 --> 00:21:36,244
one.

604
00:21:38,384 --> 00:21:40,224
Whoop. Nope. I don't know how anything works.

605
00:21:40,224 --> 00:21:41,505
How do I get to where I wanna

606
00:21:41,505 --> 00:21:43,365
be? Oh, there it is. Oh my god.

607
00:21:44,224 --> 00:21:45,605
Okay. Next one.

608
00:21:47,919 --> 00:21:50,980
Deeply submissive wife won't tell me her limits.

609
00:21:51,359 --> 00:21:52,639
It's not the first time we've done one

610
00:21:52,639 --> 00:21:54,799
like this, but here we go. Hi, all.

611
00:21:54,799 --> 00:21:56,720
First time posting here. Wifey and I have

612
00:21:56,720 --> 00:21:58,819
a wonderful and fulfilling BDSM relationship,

613
00:21:59,119 --> 00:22:01,039
have for the twenty plus years we've been

614
00:22:01,039 --> 00:22:03,815
married. She's a she's a deeply submissive and

615
00:22:03,815 --> 00:22:04,875
intense masochist,

616
00:22:05,174 --> 00:22:08,215
and we practice DDLG dynamics mostly twenty four

617
00:22:08,215 --> 00:22:10,055
seven, but can turn it on and off

618
00:22:10,055 --> 00:22:11,975
as needed to just handle the hurdles that

619
00:22:11,975 --> 00:22:13,035
life often brings.

620
00:22:13,335 --> 00:22:14,819
I cannot put into words how much I

621
00:22:14,819 --> 00:22:16,259
love her and the life we have built

622
00:22:16,259 --> 00:22:18,359
together. She is just a rock star.

623
00:22:18,819 --> 00:22:20,099
Now that our kids are semi out of

624
00:22:20,099 --> 00:22:21,619
the house, we have more alone time and

625
00:22:21,619 --> 00:22:24,679
we've been expanding our DDLG and BDSM dynamics,

626
00:22:24,980 --> 00:22:27,335
exploring into areas we never never have before.

627
00:22:27,474 --> 00:22:29,634
She loves having her nipples hurt constantly and

628
00:22:29,634 --> 00:22:31,554
we focus daily on some sort of nipple

629
00:22:31,554 --> 00:22:34,835
pain, like maintenance spankings. Nipple pain is something

630
00:22:34,835 --> 00:22:36,595
that is required every day and she likes

631
00:22:36,595 --> 00:22:38,994
it rough, so her nipples are sore all

632
00:22:38,994 --> 00:22:40,410
the time. We also recently

633
00:22:41,529 --> 00:22:42,750
got into pussy

634
00:22:43,049 --> 00:22:43,690
spanking and fisting. Y'all sound like you're having

635
00:22:43,690 --> 00:22:45,930
some fun. Okay. The crux of my problem.

636
00:22:45,930 --> 00:22:48,590
Hence, advice. Wifey is so submissive.

637
00:22:49,049 --> 00:22:51,130
She refuses to tell me when she's not

638
00:22:51,130 --> 00:22:53,785
enjoying something very much or worse, she is

639
00:22:53,785 --> 00:22:54,285
experiencing

640
00:22:54,664 --> 00:22:57,464
bad pain. She just won't tell me. Even

641
00:22:57,464 --> 00:22:59,144
when I ask, she just blinks her eyes

642
00:22:59,144 --> 00:23:01,007
at me, smiles and tells me all is

643
00:23:01,007 --> 00:23:02,424
well tells me all is well in the

644
00:23:02,424 --> 00:23:04,345
world. When I push her on this, she

645
00:23:04,345 --> 00:23:06,390
just says she's here for my pleasure and

646
00:23:06,390 --> 00:23:08,309
doesn't want me to worry. She's happy when

647
00:23:08,309 --> 00:23:09,130
I'm happy.

648
00:23:09,590 --> 00:23:11,430
We had a recent scare with blood in

649
00:23:11,430 --> 00:23:13,590
her vagina and she never told me about

650
00:23:13,590 --> 00:23:15,029
it as she didn't want me to worry

651
00:23:15,029 --> 00:23:17,529
about her. She reminds me that her vagina

652
00:23:17,590 --> 00:23:19,690
is a tough cookie and she'll be fine.

653
00:23:20,070 --> 00:23:22,244
I don't like this at all. We've talked

654
00:23:22,244 --> 00:23:23,445
about it and I tell her how much

655
00:23:23,445 --> 00:23:24,964
I love her and would never want her

656
00:23:24,964 --> 00:23:27,525
to ever be actually hurt. And she has

657
00:23:27,525 --> 00:23:29,365
to communicate with me when boundaries are being

658
00:23:29,365 --> 00:23:31,464
pushed or her body is hurting too much.

659
00:23:31,765 --> 00:23:33,205
We have a safe word, but she has

660
00:23:33,205 --> 00:23:35,159
never used it and she never gives me

661
00:23:35,159 --> 00:23:37,339
any indication, body language or otherwise,

662
00:23:37,720 --> 00:23:40,119
of general discomfort or dislike. She's a girl

663
00:23:40,119 --> 00:23:42,679
that really, really loves to serve. However, I

664
00:23:42,679 --> 00:23:44,200
need her to let me know when she's

665
00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:45,339
not liking something.

666
00:23:45,799 --> 00:23:47,684
It's a circle. If she doesn't like something,

667
00:23:47,765 --> 00:23:49,285
then I don't either. And but she just

668
00:23:49,285 --> 00:23:50,884
tells me to do whatever I want to

669
00:23:50,884 --> 00:23:52,664
her and she never resists anything.

670
00:23:53,125 --> 00:23:54,965
This is driving me nuts. And now I

671
00:23:54,965 --> 00:23:57,045
find myself pulling back because I don't know

672
00:23:57,045 --> 00:23:58,965
what limits I have bounced up against that

673
00:23:58,965 --> 00:24:01,125
she won't tell me because she wants me

674
00:24:01,125 --> 00:24:02,265
to be happy.

675
00:24:02,880 --> 00:24:05,299
Any ideas how I can best navigate this?

676
00:24:08,320 --> 00:24:08,820
Wow.

677
00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:11,599
I don't even know what to say about

678
00:24:11,599 --> 00:24:12,559
that. That's that's

679
00:24:15,595 --> 00:24:17,274
So I don't even know how I would

680
00:24:17,274 --> 00:24:20,015
react to something like that. I I

681
00:24:20,474 --> 00:24:23,034
yeah. So I I would be very curious

682
00:24:23,034 --> 00:24:24,575
to know her perspective

683
00:24:25,194 --> 00:24:27,595
beyond just what she shared and that has

684
00:24:27,595 --> 00:24:28,174
been relayed.

685
00:24:29,819 --> 00:24:33,339
There are people, whether genuinely or because they

686
00:24:33,339 --> 00:24:35,740
believe this to be true, and I don't

687
00:24:35,740 --> 00:24:37,279
know which would be which,

688
00:24:37,740 --> 00:24:38,240
who

689
00:24:39,179 --> 00:24:40,159
want to handle

690
00:24:40,779 --> 00:24:43,019
the air quote bad stuff, want to be

691
00:24:43,019 --> 00:24:44,295
pushed, want to just

692
00:24:45,255 --> 00:24:45,654
Mhmm.

693
00:24:46,055 --> 00:24:47,994
Do whatever the dom wants

694
00:24:48,295 --> 00:24:51,894
regardless of how it impacts them physical physically,

695
00:24:51,894 --> 00:24:53,734
mentally, emotionally. Now, first of all, I don't

696
00:24:53,734 --> 00:24:56,134
think that's very I understand the urge to

697
00:24:56,134 --> 00:24:58,134
just go, oh, I'm turning all of my

698
00:24:58,134 --> 00:25:00,329
brain cells off. I'm not saying a word.

699
00:25:00,329 --> 00:25:02,410
I'm because they're enjoying the submission part of

700
00:25:02,410 --> 00:25:04,250
it. I hopefully, that's what it is. But

701
00:25:04,250 --> 00:25:06,250
also, it could be a lie they've convinced

702
00:25:06,250 --> 00:25:08,109
themselves up of. This is what a submissive

703
00:25:08,170 --> 00:25:08,670
does.

704
00:25:09,210 --> 00:25:09,710
But

705
00:25:10,250 --> 00:25:11,390
the problem is,

706
00:25:11,855 --> 00:25:13,855
is that if you will not take care

707
00:25:13,855 --> 00:25:16,035
of your own physical well-being,

708
00:25:17,375 --> 00:25:19,455
you make it so that you could be

709
00:25:19,455 --> 00:25:20,994
long term hurt, injured,

710
00:25:21,455 --> 00:25:23,775
unable to do the things. First of all,

711
00:25:23,775 --> 00:25:26,015
you like you've got the potential for actually

712
00:25:26,015 --> 00:25:28,289
being hurt in a not fun, not good

713
00:25:28,289 --> 00:25:29,190
way. Right.

714
00:25:29,569 --> 00:25:31,109
But also, if your

715
00:25:31,490 --> 00:25:33,169
partner is like, no. No. No. The things

716
00:25:33,169 --> 00:25:34,450
I like to do are the things you

717
00:25:34,450 --> 00:25:35,649
like to do. So if you'll tell me

718
00:25:35,649 --> 00:25:37,730
what you like or don't like, I'm gonna

719
00:25:37,730 --> 00:25:39,809
have more fun. Right. And that is, is

720
00:25:39,809 --> 00:25:41,329
where I think that the discussion needs to

721
00:25:41,329 --> 00:25:42,815
come from. Needs to come from

722
00:25:43,515 --> 00:25:45,434
the the a place of dominance of, well,

723
00:25:45,434 --> 00:25:47,275
I'm your dominant. Right? You want to submit.

724
00:25:47,275 --> 00:25:49,595
You want to please. This is a requirement.

725
00:25:49,595 --> 00:25:51,674
This is an order. This is a rule.

726
00:25:51,674 --> 00:25:53,674
This is this is how you make me

727
00:25:53,674 --> 00:25:56,174
happy. This is how you submit to me.

728
00:25:57,839 --> 00:26:00,660
I don't think that fixes any underlying problem

729
00:26:00,799 --> 00:26:01,299
of

730
00:26:02,160 --> 00:26:04,720
somebody who is so willing to submit so

731
00:26:04,720 --> 00:26:07,359
deep that they just stop caring about their

732
00:26:07,359 --> 00:26:08,180
own well-being

733
00:26:08,924 --> 00:26:11,565
and don't give their Dom the information they

734
00:26:11,565 --> 00:26:13,644
need so their Dom can care for their

735
00:26:13,644 --> 00:26:14,144
well-being.

736
00:26:16,204 --> 00:26:18,204
I mean, you know, when I was reading

737
00:26:18,204 --> 00:26:19,884
it originally, the thought that came to me

738
00:26:19,884 --> 00:26:21,580
was your old line of of I don't

739
00:26:21,580 --> 00:26:24,460
wanna break my toys. Exactly. That that that's,

740
00:26:24,460 --> 00:26:25,660
you know, one of the things I was

741
00:26:25,660 --> 00:26:26,799
thinking of here because,

742
00:26:27,500 --> 00:26:30,539
my gosh, the potential to, you know Mhmm.

743
00:26:30,619 --> 00:26:32,000
Do some serious harm.

744
00:26:32,860 --> 00:26:35,039
It sounds to me like for whatever reason,

745
00:26:36,125 --> 00:26:37,265
the the doms

746
00:26:38,845 --> 00:26:39,985
sharing and expressing

747
00:26:40,445 --> 00:26:41,585
devotion, love,

748
00:26:41,965 --> 00:26:42,705
you know,

749
00:26:43,085 --> 00:26:44,225
wanting to make

750
00:26:44,924 --> 00:26:45,744
her happy

751
00:26:46,205 --> 00:26:48,225
is not hitting her on a level

752
00:26:48,684 --> 00:26:51,330
that must must feel like submission. Right? Mhmm.

753
00:26:51,330 --> 00:26:54,450
And depending on how she's wired, depending on

754
00:26:54,450 --> 00:26:56,070
what maybe, you know,

755
00:26:57,490 --> 00:26:59,009
a a long term partner would know or

756
00:26:59,009 --> 00:27:00,369
the triggers or the things to stay away

757
00:27:00,369 --> 00:27:01,029
from, whatever.

758
00:27:01,410 --> 00:27:02,070
You know,

759
00:27:02,554 --> 00:27:05,194
in a perfect world, you just fucking say

760
00:27:05,194 --> 00:27:06,634
the thing. You just say, hey. I like

761
00:27:06,634 --> 00:27:08,394
this. Hey. I don't like that. And then

762
00:27:08,394 --> 00:27:09,755
you get more of what you do like

763
00:27:09,755 --> 00:27:11,775
and it's a good time had by all.

764
00:27:14,315 --> 00:27:15,214
Even if

765
00:27:16,640 --> 00:27:17,299
the thing

766
00:27:17,679 --> 00:27:19,440
she says is, I actually like it when

767
00:27:19,440 --> 00:27:20,500
you go so hard

768
00:27:20,960 --> 00:27:24,339
that my tough cookie vagina is working overtime.

769
00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:25,460
But

770
00:27:26,400 --> 00:27:28,319
if that is the truth, if that is

771
00:27:28,319 --> 00:27:30,480
what she likes about submission and that's what

772
00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:32,054
she wants it to be like. She needs

773
00:27:32,054 --> 00:27:34,855
to be honest with him, the dom, so

774
00:27:34,855 --> 00:27:36,234
that the dom can

775
00:27:36,615 --> 00:27:37,115
decide

776
00:27:37,494 --> 00:27:39,335
when have I gone too far? Where do

777
00:27:39,335 --> 00:27:41,095
I back up? The doms aren't able to

778
00:27:41,095 --> 00:27:43,274
make any of the dominant topic choices

779
00:27:43,734 --> 00:27:45,759
because they're not being given the information.

780
00:27:46,160 --> 00:27:48,559
Input. Yeah. Right. And I don't I'm not

781
00:27:48,559 --> 00:27:52,080
saying this is what this is. But it

782
00:27:52,080 --> 00:27:53,619
feel it feels like

783
00:27:54,400 --> 00:27:57,119
it shades of topping from the bottom. I'm

784
00:27:57,119 --> 00:27:58,400
not going to tell you what I like

785
00:27:58,400 --> 00:27:59,380
and don't like.

786
00:27:59,845 --> 00:28:01,765
You're gonna keep doing whatever. Even though it

787
00:28:01,765 --> 00:28:04,085
makes you unhappy, I'm gonna keep tell not

788
00:28:04,085 --> 00:28:05,805
telling you what I like and don't like.

789
00:28:05,805 --> 00:28:06,424
Yeah. Yeah.

790
00:28:07,205 --> 00:28:09,605
Right? So the the Dom is not getting

791
00:28:09,605 --> 00:28:10,904
to make decisions

792
00:28:11,285 --> 00:28:12,345
based on information.

793
00:28:12,805 --> 00:28:13,545
They are

794
00:28:14,150 --> 00:28:15,669
floundering in the dark. I'm not saying it

795
00:28:15,669 --> 00:28:17,269
is topping from the bottom, but there's a

796
00:28:17,269 --> 00:28:19,909
flavor of it there. There's a flavor of

797
00:28:19,909 --> 00:28:22,309
it where you're literally not doing the thing

798
00:28:22,309 --> 00:28:24,470
your Dom is telling you to do Yeah.

799
00:28:24,549 --> 00:28:26,730
Which is to give them information they need

800
00:28:27,005 --> 00:28:29,164
so they can be a responsible dog. And

801
00:28:29,164 --> 00:28:31,164
see there, you know, there's another side to

802
00:28:31,164 --> 00:28:33,265
this that that had come to my mind.

803
00:28:33,325 --> 00:28:33,825
Mhmm.

804
00:28:34,445 --> 00:28:36,305
Well, you should just know what I like.

805
00:28:37,485 --> 00:28:38,924
It you know, from the way it's being

806
00:28:38,924 --> 00:28:40,865
described, I can Mhmm. I

807
00:28:42,049 --> 00:28:43,410
I can see where that would be, like,

808
00:28:43,410 --> 00:28:45,009
a thing that yeah. Maybe that's what it

809
00:28:45,009 --> 00:28:47,509
is. I feel like if that was it,

810
00:28:47,650 --> 00:28:49,109
that she would just say that.

811
00:28:50,930 --> 00:28:53,089
Because the way he's describing her is he's

812
00:28:53,089 --> 00:28:55,829
discovering things that are bothering him.

813
00:28:56,305 --> 00:28:58,244
And she's just like, yeah. It's fine.

814
00:28:58,625 --> 00:28:59,684
Yeah. I'll be okay.

815
00:29:03,744 --> 00:29:05,765
And if you are that deeply submissive,

816
00:29:06,065 --> 00:29:07,984
then the submissive within you should be like,

817
00:29:07,984 --> 00:29:10,884
oh, shit. My dominant is upset about something

818
00:29:11,579 --> 00:29:14,059
in my submission. Maybe I should give him

819
00:29:14,059 --> 00:29:15,679
the information he wants

820
00:29:16,299 --> 00:29:17,279
as a submissive.

821
00:29:17,980 --> 00:29:20,220
Right? Like, the act of telling him what

822
00:29:20,220 --> 00:29:21,819
he wants to know can be the act

823
00:29:21,819 --> 00:29:22,480
of submission.

824
00:29:24,384 --> 00:29:27,424
The not telling him when he's expressly said

825
00:29:27,424 --> 00:29:28,164
tell me

826
00:29:29,184 --> 00:29:32,065
Yeah. That does that that That that does

827
00:29:32,065 --> 00:29:34,005
not make a a very healthy,

828
00:29:34,464 --> 00:29:35,444
DS relationship

829
00:29:36,319 --> 00:29:38,500
to begin with? No. Okay. No.

830
00:29:39,440 --> 00:29:41,039
And again, I would love to know, is

831
00:29:41,039 --> 00:29:42,980
it because of a a misunderstanding

832
00:29:43,599 --> 00:29:46,640
of what submission is? Mhmm. A genuine love

833
00:29:46,640 --> 00:29:48,660
for this deep level of submission?

834
00:29:50,325 --> 00:29:52,085
Just being that much of a masochist that

835
00:29:52,085 --> 00:29:53,924
it's like, yeah, I can because we've kind

836
00:29:53,924 --> 00:29:55,605
of had these conversations where I'll do things

837
00:29:55,605 --> 00:29:56,505
I don't like

838
00:29:57,125 --> 00:29:58,884
because I like doing them for you, but

839
00:29:58,884 --> 00:30:00,085
they're not hard on us. I don't need

840
00:30:00,085 --> 00:30:01,605
to say for it out. Right? But I

841
00:30:01,605 --> 00:30:03,704
also personally will not let myself

842
00:30:06,799 --> 00:30:08,019
potential part of how that kink

843
00:30:08,319 --> 00:30:09,779
was supposed to go. Like,

844
00:30:10,079 --> 00:30:11,440
I'm not into it, but, like, if I

845
00:30:11,440 --> 00:30:13,519
did needle play, I I would expect a

846
00:30:13,519 --> 00:30:15,759
little some specks of blood. Like, you just

847
00:30:15,759 --> 00:30:18,134
punctured my skin. So that's an air quote

848
00:30:18,134 --> 00:30:20,535
injury that's part of the play. Right.

849
00:30:21,174 --> 00:30:22,875
You know, when you hit me with

850
00:30:23,255 --> 00:30:25,035
a just wrong or just right thing,

851
00:30:25,495 --> 00:30:27,654
I'll get marks. You might cut me. It's

852
00:30:27,654 --> 00:30:29,970
happened before. Right? Yeah. I expect that. But

853
00:30:29,970 --> 00:30:32,230
if something is happening in your play,

854
00:30:33,089 --> 00:30:34,529
if I was the dom, I'd be back

855
00:30:34,529 --> 00:30:36,049
and way the fuck off. I wouldn't be

856
00:30:36,049 --> 00:30:38,049
playing at a level where, you know, I

857
00:30:38,049 --> 00:30:41,009
would the possibility of of injury is even

858
00:30:41,009 --> 00:30:43,105
there. I mean, even even if she was,

859
00:30:43,105 --> 00:30:43,605
you

860
00:30:44,944 --> 00:30:46,724
know, at the point that she was

861
00:30:47,265 --> 00:30:50,545
a a masochist that liked extreme pain Right.

862
00:30:50,625 --> 00:30:52,785
Liked extreme play, but again, that should be,

863
00:30:52,785 --> 00:30:53,579
you know, some,

864
00:30:54,460 --> 00:30:56,460
you know You still negotiate it. Right. You

865
00:30:56,460 --> 00:30:58,059
still go, okay. Right. Let me just be

866
00:30:58,059 --> 00:31:00,059
honest with you. I I don't like, if

867
00:31:00,059 --> 00:31:02,319
I was picking, I wouldn't pick that.

868
00:31:03,099 --> 00:31:05,500
Then, no. The way this guy's talking, she

869
00:31:05,500 --> 00:31:07,579
would never see that again. Yeah. But he

870
00:31:07,579 --> 00:31:10,295
would he could then make other things so

871
00:31:10,455 --> 00:31:12,055
I say he. I don't know. The Dom

872
00:31:12,055 --> 00:31:14,955
could make other things so good for her

873
00:31:15,015 --> 00:31:16,474
if he's like, I know

874
00:31:16,775 --> 00:31:19,255
this is what you like and then Yeah.

875
00:31:19,414 --> 00:31:21,355
Goes for that. You know what I mean?

876
00:31:21,575 --> 00:31:22,075
Like,

877
00:31:23,609 --> 00:31:24,109
but

878
00:31:25,609 --> 00:31:27,230
from a dom sub perspective,

879
00:31:28,890 --> 00:31:30,809
if you can get to the why, like,

880
00:31:30,809 --> 00:31:32,170
why do you feel that way? Is this

881
00:31:32,170 --> 00:31:34,330
your masochism? Is this what you think submission

882
00:31:34,330 --> 00:31:36,009
is? Like, where is this coming from? That

883
00:31:36,009 --> 00:31:37,464
can sometimes help, like,

884
00:31:37,845 --> 00:31:39,525
drive the conversation and give you a better

885
00:31:39,525 --> 00:31:41,525
insight into your partner. But the other thing

886
00:31:41,525 --> 00:31:43,605
is I think the dom leans on their

887
00:31:43,605 --> 00:31:45,684
dominance and says, well, this isn't an option.

888
00:31:45,684 --> 00:31:47,765
We cannot play again until you give me

889
00:31:47,765 --> 00:31:48,505
this information.

890
00:31:50,099 --> 00:31:51,079
You're my submissive

891
00:31:51,460 --> 00:31:53,619
fucking submit. And if they wanna, you know,

892
00:31:53,619 --> 00:31:54,660
say for it out of that or go,

893
00:31:54,660 --> 00:31:56,019
I don't wanna do that. Okay. Well, then

894
00:31:56,019 --> 00:31:57,880
we're not playing until I know

895
00:31:58,500 --> 00:32:00,819
what the limit is. I know what you

896
00:32:00,819 --> 00:32:02,359
genuinely do not like.

897
00:32:02,660 --> 00:32:04,839
You know? Mhmm. It feels

898
00:32:05,140 --> 00:32:05,444
like

899
00:32:07,444 --> 00:32:09,365
for whatever reason, I don't wanna suppose too

900
00:32:09,365 --> 00:32:11,125
much because we don't know her side at

901
00:32:11,125 --> 00:32:12,825
all. But there's either

902
00:32:13,204 --> 00:32:15,605
a she's a doesn't take him seriously when

903
00:32:15,605 --> 00:32:16,904
he's lovey dovey

904
00:32:17,284 --> 00:32:19,144
and is just trying to be a good,

905
00:32:19,365 --> 00:32:21,144
you know, partner. Mhmm.

906
00:32:22,319 --> 00:32:24,480
Or she doesn't think he means it or

907
00:32:24,480 --> 00:32:26,880
she doesn't, like, see him at in his

908
00:32:26,880 --> 00:32:27,380
dominant

909
00:32:28,480 --> 00:32:30,099
see them in their dominant role

910
00:32:30,640 --> 00:32:31,700
when that's happening.

911
00:32:32,160 --> 00:32:34,079
And it I don't think it should be

912
00:32:34,079 --> 00:32:36,125
like this, but sometimes you got a breakthrough.

913
00:32:36,184 --> 00:32:38,365
You gotta get to the whatever.

914
00:32:38,744 --> 00:32:41,144
Put the Dom voice on. Make it a

915
00:32:41,144 --> 00:32:43,144
fucking order task, however that works in your

916
00:32:43,144 --> 00:32:45,225
dynamic, and then there's no playing until you

917
00:32:45,225 --> 00:32:47,884
get the information you need. Done. Yeah.

918
00:32:49,960 --> 00:32:51,880
But my my nosy bitch self wants to

919
00:32:51,880 --> 00:32:54,140
know where what her mindset is.

920
00:32:54,519 --> 00:32:56,620
That's what I wanna know. Okay.

921
00:32:57,480 --> 00:33:00,039
Next one. Anything else you wanna add though?

922
00:33:00,039 --> 00:33:00,539
Okay.

923
00:33:03,815 --> 00:33:06,554
Wrapping my head around the word owned.

924
00:33:07,255 --> 00:33:09,654
I'm 37 female, new to BDSM and being

925
00:33:09,654 --> 00:33:11,494
a sub. I'm starting to build something with

926
00:33:11,494 --> 00:33:12,934
a Dom, which is exactly what I want

927
00:33:12,934 --> 00:33:14,940
for my life, and I'm so excited. When

928
00:33:14,940 --> 00:33:16,659
I first started dipping my toe into these

929
00:33:16,659 --> 00:33:19,000
waters, I was only interested in bedroom dynamics.

930
00:33:19,059 --> 00:33:21,059
But as time is passing, I'm learning more

931
00:33:21,059 --> 00:33:23,380
and more. I'm finding being drawn towards wanting

932
00:33:23,380 --> 00:33:25,619
more of a total power exchange dynamic. I

933
00:33:25,619 --> 00:33:26,980
really hope my Dom gifts me with a

934
00:33:26,980 --> 00:33:28,845
collar since I'm gifting him with my submission.

935
00:33:29,404 --> 00:33:31,005
This next part is where I'm looking for

936
00:33:31,005 --> 00:33:32,544
advice. I'm deeply

937
00:33:32,845 --> 00:33:35,644
feminist and I'm mentally stuck trying to accept

938
00:33:35,644 --> 00:33:38,765
the idea of being owned. To me, owned

939
00:33:38,765 --> 00:33:40,845
has the connotation of being less than and

940
00:33:40,845 --> 00:33:42,440
that I am not. I know a lot

941
00:33:42,440 --> 00:33:43,880
of you in the lifestyle enjoy that, but

942
00:33:43,880 --> 00:33:45,720
for me it feels icky. The more I

943
00:33:45,720 --> 00:33:47,880
get to explore my submissiveness and be obedient,

944
00:33:47,880 --> 00:33:50,680
the calmer and more powerful I feel. Honestly,

945
00:33:50,680 --> 00:33:52,380
not only do I feel like an absolute

946
00:33:52,440 --> 00:33:54,440
equal, I kinda feel like my position is

947
00:33:54,440 --> 00:33:57,085
slightly elevated because I am choosing this. I

948
00:33:57,085 --> 00:33:59,325
can rescind my submission at any time and

949
00:33:59,325 --> 00:34:01,325
that feels powerful and gives me a bit

950
00:34:01,325 --> 00:34:03,484
of an ego trip. So does anyone have

951
00:34:03,484 --> 00:34:05,164
any advice on how I can see the

952
00:34:05,164 --> 00:34:07,325
word owned in a different light? Or does

953
00:34:07,325 --> 00:34:08,844
anyone feel the same way I do and

954
00:34:08,844 --> 00:34:10,065
you use a different term?

955
00:34:10,599 --> 00:34:11,880
About the day I kneel in front of

956
00:34:11,880 --> 00:34:13,639
my Dom to have him place my collar

957
00:34:13,639 --> 00:34:15,719
around my neck. It will be more meaningful

958
00:34:15,719 --> 00:34:17,400
than that one time I got a vanilla

959
00:34:17,400 --> 00:34:19,719
married, which I did choose to do. Shitty

960
00:34:19,719 --> 00:34:21,559
divorce. So excited for this new chapter of

961
00:34:21,559 --> 00:34:23,175
my life. Is this how most of us

962
00:34:23,175 --> 00:34:25,255
come into the lifestyle? We dump the shitty

963
00:34:25,255 --> 00:34:27,255
vanilla marriage or like, let me get my

964
00:34:27,255 --> 00:34:29,894
freak on. Alright. Okay. So the word owned.

965
00:34:29,894 --> 00:34:31,255
What are your thoughts? I have you know

966
00:34:31,255 --> 00:34:33,515
I have thoughts. Yeah. You know,

967
00:34:34,855 --> 00:34:36,054
a word is a word is a word,

968
00:34:36,054 --> 00:34:37,655
and a word has as much power as

969
00:34:37,655 --> 00:34:39,659
you give that word. Mhmm. Okay.

970
00:34:40,360 --> 00:34:42,119
So, you know, if she doesn't like that

971
00:34:42,119 --> 00:34:45,000
word, find another one that that resonates, that

972
00:34:45,000 --> 00:34:46,940
that works for you. Right. You know,

973
00:34:47,640 --> 00:34:49,400
a lot of people do that. Even, you

974
00:34:49,400 --> 00:34:52,119
know, even with tie with, not title, but

975
00:34:52,119 --> 00:34:54,555
titles. Yeah. People do that with titles all

976
00:34:54,555 --> 00:34:56,515
the time, you know. Well, I don't wanna

977
00:34:56,515 --> 00:34:58,275
call you, you know, this, but

978
00:34:58,994 --> 00:35:00,914
Well, I can call you that. This other

979
00:35:00,914 --> 00:35:03,574
one works. Yeah. Yeah. You know, so,

980
00:35:04,355 --> 00:35:05,255
yeah. It's

981
00:35:06,434 --> 00:35:07,094
I mean,

982
00:35:07,635 --> 00:35:08,934
they seem to have their

983
00:35:10,340 --> 00:35:12,179
head in their right, you know, they're they're

984
00:35:12,179 --> 00:35:13,160
learning, they're

985
00:35:13,619 --> 00:35:16,260
actually kind of growing starting from from bedroom

986
00:35:16,260 --> 00:35:18,739
only and now Sure. You know, pushing some

987
00:35:18,739 --> 00:35:20,840
limits and and and, you know,

988
00:35:22,019 --> 00:35:24,340
moving into different things, you know, which is

989
00:35:24,340 --> 00:35:26,704
fine. But, yeah, don't don't get too hung

990
00:35:26,704 --> 00:35:27,684
up on a word.

991
00:35:28,144 --> 00:35:30,244
Mhmm. Yeah. That that smacks

992
00:35:31,025 --> 00:35:33,125
of having a belief that a specific

993
00:35:34,144 --> 00:35:36,324
way of doing it or Mhmm.

994
00:35:37,425 --> 00:35:39,900
Certain terms like this are what, air quote,

995
00:35:39,900 --> 00:35:41,199
everyone must do

996
00:35:41,500 --> 00:35:42,940
the one true way. I'm not saying that

997
00:35:42,940 --> 00:35:44,780
that's what she believes, but Yeah. Somewhere that

998
00:35:44,780 --> 00:35:46,699
idea got into her head of this this

999
00:35:46,699 --> 00:35:48,780
is the term we use. Well, no. Yeah.

1000
00:35:48,780 --> 00:35:50,859
Yeah. You've called me a lot of things

1001
00:35:50,859 --> 00:35:53,359
and in scene you might have said

1002
00:35:53,684 --> 00:35:55,785
owned, but that's not a term we even

1003
00:35:56,565 --> 00:35:58,905
use for ourselves. Mhmm. You know,

1004
00:35:59,605 --> 00:36:01,945
unless we're playing and it's it's getting freaky.

1005
00:36:02,724 --> 00:36:04,565
But then we we're done playing and we

1006
00:36:04,565 --> 00:36:06,005
move on with our life. But if I

1007
00:36:06,005 --> 00:36:07,765
didn't like that word, I would go, oh,

1008
00:36:07,765 --> 00:36:09,739
that the word, I don't vibe with that

1009
00:36:09,739 --> 00:36:11,659
word. So and you would use something else

1010
00:36:11,659 --> 00:36:13,199
and we would move on with our lives.

1011
00:36:13,420 --> 00:36:15,599
But that that does sort of

1012
00:36:16,859 --> 00:36:18,800
I'm getting the sniff test of

1013
00:36:19,260 --> 00:36:22,400
somewhere along her path and what she's learned.

1014
00:36:22,695 --> 00:36:24,934
Somebody said something about that that made it

1015
00:36:24,934 --> 00:36:27,535
seem like this is just what how this

1016
00:36:27,735 --> 00:36:30,614
how power exchange works. Yeah. Submissives are owned.

1017
00:36:30,614 --> 00:36:31,894
You know what I mean? Yeah. And,

1018
00:36:32,295 --> 00:36:34,614
no. That's not true. That's not how everybody

1019
00:36:34,614 --> 00:36:36,375
sees it Yeah. Even in total power exchange.

1020
00:36:36,375 --> 00:36:37,815
Yeah. And see, the one thing that I

1021
00:36:37,815 --> 00:36:38,429
kind of,

1022
00:36:39,949 --> 00:36:41,409
kind of go, yeah,

1023
00:36:41,869 --> 00:36:42,530
not quite,

1024
00:36:43,069 --> 00:36:43,630
not quite,

1025
00:36:44,829 --> 00:36:47,710
the right thinking is, you know, how it

1026
00:36:47,710 --> 00:36:48,210
makes

1027
00:36:48,510 --> 00:36:50,769
them feel less than. Mhmm.

1028
00:36:51,150 --> 00:36:51,650
Okay?

1029
00:36:52,109 --> 00:36:53,329
Like they're not equal.

1030
00:36:53,864 --> 00:36:56,105
And and that should not be, because just

1031
00:36:56,105 --> 00:36:56,844
like us,

1032
00:36:57,224 --> 00:36:58,125
we are

1033
00:36:58,744 --> 00:36:59,944
equals Right.

1034
00:37:00,344 --> 00:37:01,244
In a mutually

1035
00:37:01,945 --> 00:37:02,445
negotiated

1036
00:37:03,625 --> 00:37:04,925
power imbalance. Sure.

1037
00:37:05,465 --> 00:37:08,079
That that's how it is. You know, it's

1038
00:37:08,079 --> 00:37:08,739
it's not

1039
00:37:10,079 --> 00:37:12,639
that someone is truly lesser. It's not that

1040
00:37:12,639 --> 00:37:14,420
you're actually owned either. Right.

1041
00:37:14,719 --> 00:37:15,219
Yeah.

1042
00:37:15,519 --> 00:37:18,260
That that continues to be illegal. Mhmm. Yeah.

1043
00:37:18,320 --> 00:37:20,179
For the most part. Don't read our constitution

1044
00:37:20,559 --> 00:37:22,535
too closely. I'm not going there. We're we're

1045
00:37:22,615 --> 00:37:24,375
No. No. No. Supposed to be a palate

1046
00:37:24,375 --> 00:37:25,195
cleanser. Yeah.

1047
00:37:25,815 --> 00:37:27,815
I do and this is not to say

1048
00:37:27,815 --> 00:37:28,635
that I think

1049
00:37:29,095 --> 00:37:31,175
her or anybody else should rethink the word

1050
00:37:31,175 --> 00:37:31,675
owned,

1051
00:37:32,695 --> 00:37:33,195
and,

1052
00:37:33,575 --> 00:37:35,335
you know, change their mind that because I

1053
00:37:35,335 --> 00:37:36,795
don't feel that way either. But

1054
00:37:37,869 --> 00:37:39,250
the way I

1055
00:37:40,510 --> 00:37:42,929
hear other people describe being owned

1056
00:37:43,469 --> 00:37:44,769
often, but not always,

1057
00:37:45,469 --> 00:37:47,489
is just another way of saying cherished.

1058
00:37:48,590 --> 00:37:51,250
So fully taken care of, so fully seen,

1059
00:37:51,630 --> 00:37:52,449
so fully

1060
00:37:53,405 --> 00:37:57,164
encircled by your dominant partner that they are

1061
00:37:57,405 --> 00:37:59,005
to the extent that they can and even

1062
00:37:59,005 --> 00:38:01,344
negotiate, they're seeing to everything that you need.

1063
00:38:01,804 --> 00:38:02,304
And

1064
00:38:06,179 --> 00:38:07,639
owned doesn't, you know,

1065
00:38:07,940 --> 00:38:09,480
owned might be the word because

1066
00:38:10,500 --> 00:38:12,260
no matter how deeply we fill our roles

1067
00:38:12,260 --> 00:38:13,940
and some people do kink and some people

1068
00:38:13,940 --> 00:38:15,639
are kinky and, you know, whatever whatever,

1069
00:38:16,019 --> 00:38:17,000
it is still

1070
00:38:17,539 --> 00:38:19,014
play at the end of the day. At

1071
00:38:19,014 --> 00:38:19,514
some

1072
00:38:19,894 --> 00:38:22,375
point, you can if you had to take

1073
00:38:22,375 --> 00:38:24,454
off your submissive and your dominant hat and

1074
00:38:24,454 --> 00:38:25,994
go out in the world and be vanilla.

1075
00:38:26,054 --> 00:38:28,215
Life wouldn't necessarily be great, but you can

1076
00:38:28,215 --> 00:38:30,054
do it. You can stop that. So to

1077
00:38:30,054 --> 00:38:32,609
be air quote owned is not a permanent

1078
00:38:32,670 --> 00:38:35,309
thing. It's not a people talk like it

1079
00:38:35,309 --> 00:38:38,030
is, but we are all, you know, fully

1080
00:38:38,030 --> 00:38:40,349
formed adults who can who have, you know,

1081
00:38:40,349 --> 00:38:41,650
some level of autonomy

1082
00:38:41,949 --> 00:38:43,469
and free will is a thing and you

1083
00:38:43,469 --> 00:38:45,255
get to decide if you're there or not.

1084
00:38:45,255 --> 00:38:47,434
Not. Yeah. So, you know,

1085
00:38:47,815 --> 00:38:50,074
not the not to say,

1086
00:38:50,375 --> 00:38:52,534
you know, this person or everybody else should,

1087
00:38:52,534 --> 00:38:54,295
like, rethink the word owned and go ahead

1088
00:38:54,295 --> 00:38:56,375
and take it on, but to think about

1089
00:38:56,375 --> 00:38:57,275
what the word

1090
00:38:57,699 --> 00:39:00,199
can mean, because I know that's not universal,

1091
00:39:00,820 --> 00:39:02,820
to people who use it. If you look

1092
00:39:02,820 --> 00:39:05,460
at it, it's not it's not about being

1093
00:39:05,460 --> 00:39:07,480
chattel. It's not about being property

1094
00:39:07,860 --> 00:39:09,000
other than in

1095
00:39:09,664 --> 00:39:11,105
the way you negotiate and the way you

1096
00:39:11,105 --> 00:39:12,625
talk about it. But, ultimately, if this is

1097
00:39:12,625 --> 00:39:14,005
a healthy power exchange,

1098
00:39:14,304 --> 00:39:16,385
both sides are trying to see to each

1099
00:39:16,385 --> 00:39:18,804
other's needs, make sure that you are seen

1100
00:39:18,864 --> 00:39:21,925
and known and understood and valued and validated

1101
00:39:22,065 --> 00:39:25,339
and all that. But from the submissive perspective,

1102
00:39:25,480 --> 00:39:27,799
the way that I tend to internalize that

1103
00:39:27,799 --> 00:39:28,299
is,

1104
00:39:28,920 --> 00:39:30,760
you know, you are you are seeing every

1105
00:39:30,760 --> 00:39:33,239
part of me and making sure that what

1106
00:39:33,239 --> 00:39:35,319
you demand of me, ask of me, do

1107
00:39:35,319 --> 00:39:37,400
for me, make me do for myself, whatever

1108
00:39:37,400 --> 00:39:37,900
whatever

1109
00:39:38,199 --> 00:39:38,940
is within

1110
00:39:39,505 --> 00:39:40,244
the bonds

1111
00:39:40,545 --> 00:39:42,965
of I'm your dominant, so I take I

1112
00:39:43,184 --> 00:39:45,445
oversee you. I make sure you are

1113
00:39:46,784 --> 00:39:48,545
I can I can make a laundry list

1114
00:39:48,545 --> 00:39:50,864
of things that you are healthy enough for

1115
00:39:50,864 --> 00:39:52,385
play, that you are doing the things that

1116
00:39:52,385 --> 00:39:53,909
are healthy for you, that you are doing

1117
00:39:53,909 --> 00:39:55,989
the things that make me happy while also

1118
00:39:55,989 --> 00:39:58,230
filling you as a submissive that but but

1119
00:39:58,230 --> 00:40:00,230
but but but and it's not you know

1120
00:40:00,230 --> 00:40:02,250
what I mean? Mhmm. But again,

1121
00:40:02,789 --> 00:40:04,089
all that to say,

1122
00:40:04,934 --> 00:40:06,375
we don't we don't have to use the

1123
00:40:06,375 --> 00:40:08,055
words other people use. We don't have to

1124
00:40:08,055 --> 00:40:10,535
have the same mindset as anybody else. If

1125
00:40:10,535 --> 00:40:12,875
the idea of ownership being owned,

1126
00:40:13,414 --> 00:40:15,574
any part of that language makes you go,

1127
00:40:15,574 --> 00:40:17,730
oh, no. Thanks. Fine. That's not for you.

1128
00:40:17,969 --> 00:40:19,969
You reject it. Somebody brings it up to

1129
00:40:19,969 --> 00:40:21,329
you. Go, yeah. That's not my thing, and

1130
00:40:21,329 --> 00:40:22,230
you move on.

1131
00:40:23,650 --> 00:40:26,690
But to think that every submissive in total

1132
00:40:26,690 --> 00:40:27,989
power exchange or not

1133
00:40:28,849 --> 00:40:31,010
wants to be owned, is owned, use the

1134
00:40:31,010 --> 00:40:34,952
language of ownership. No. No. Nope. Nope. Nope.

1135
00:40:34,989 --> 00:40:38,175
Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Okay.

1136
00:40:39,114 --> 00:40:40,335
Next one.

1137
00:40:42,315 --> 00:40:43,135
This one,

1138
00:40:43,755 --> 00:40:44,894
I picked because,

1139
00:40:46,380 --> 00:40:49,179
damn, it feels like ripped out of the

1140
00:40:49,179 --> 00:40:51,199
pages of our life. Okay. Uh-uh.

1141
00:40:51,659 --> 00:40:53,599
Advice on cougar puberty,

1142
00:40:53,980 --> 00:40:55,679
another term people use for perimenopause.

1143
00:40:56,460 --> 00:40:59,335
Cougar puberty and the reality of changing or

1144
00:40:59,335 --> 00:40:59,835
eliminating

1145
00:41:00,135 --> 00:41:01,755
some play because of it.

1146
00:41:02,135 --> 00:41:04,215
Hi all. This is for all the ladies

1147
00:41:04,215 --> 00:41:05,974
out there that are going through or have

1148
00:41:05,974 --> 00:41:08,215
gone through what I call cougar puberty, otherwise

1149
00:41:08,215 --> 00:41:09,114
known as perimenopause

1150
00:41:09,414 --> 00:41:09,914
menopause.

1151
00:41:10,295 --> 00:41:12,614
Not a sexy topic, but a sex topic.

1152
00:41:12,614 --> 00:41:14,400
I turned 50 last month. For the last

1153
00:41:14,400 --> 00:41:16,400
year, I've started to notice the changes down

1154
00:41:16,400 --> 00:41:18,719
there. I've been into BDSM in one form

1155
00:41:18,719 --> 00:41:20,319
or another for years, but honestly, I'm not

1156
00:41:20,319 --> 00:41:22,260
sure my vagina can take it anymore.

1157
00:41:22,639 --> 00:41:24,980
Example. Never in my life had

1158
00:41:25,359 --> 00:41:27,599
had a UTI until six months ago, then

1159
00:41:27,599 --> 00:41:29,539
I had three in a row. MBV.

1160
00:41:30,534 --> 00:41:33,015
Bacterial vaginosis? I think that's what that is.

1161
00:41:33,015 --> 00:41:34,695
I've been fine now for two months with

1162
00:41:34,695 --> 00:41:36,695
vanilla sex so my husband and I brought

1163
00:41:36,695 --> 00:41:38,614
out the ball gag, spreader straps, and the

1164
00:41:38,614 --> 00:41:40,454
thick dildo and he tried to fist me.

1165
00:41:40,454 --> 00:41:42,614
The dildo was fine but the fisting was

1166
00:41:42,614 --> 00:41:44,550
a no go. We had plenty of lube

1167
00:41:44,550 --> 00:41:46,710
so that wasn't the issue. Now I'm wondering

1168
00:41:46,710 --> 00:41:48,170
if I'm going to end up with

1169
00:41:48,710 --> 00:41:51,590
BV or UTI again. The issue for those

1170
00:41:51,590 --> 00:41:53,430
that don't know is a woman's vagina starts

1171
00:41:53,430 --> 00:41:55,289
to atrophy as she goes through menopause.

1172
00:41:56,015 --> 00:41:57,934
So ladies, or men who are and have

1173
00:41:57,934 --> 00:42:00,175
been with women this age, are my days

1174
00:42:00,175 --> 00:42:01,934
of stretching my pussy with toys and my

1175
00:42:01,934 --> 00:42:04,335
husband's fist over? If you've been through this

1176
00:42:04,335 --> 00:42:06,414
to estrogen cream help, I can't do full

1177
00:42:06,414 --> 00:42:08,590
HRT due to family cancer history, but I

1178
00:42:08,590 --> 00:42:10,590
can do the vaginal cream. I'm going to

1179
00:42:10,590 --> 00:42:12,150
be seriously bummed if I have to try

1180
00:42:12,150 --> 00:42:13,650
to give up some of my kinks.

1181
00:42:14,510 --> 00:42:16,429
So the first thing that came to mind

1182
00:42:16,429 --> 00:42:17,329
when I read this,

1183
00:42:19,150 --> 00:42:21,444
and this is for anybody who's at at

1184
00:42:21,444 --> 00:42:22,885
that age, nearing that age. Maybe you're in

1185
00:42:22,885 --> 00:42:24,964
menopause and your doctor told you something. The

1186
00:42:24,964 --> 00:42:27,364
cancer thing, there are some people who cannot

1187
00:42:27,364 --> 00:42:29,545
take HRT. That is a 100% true.

1188
00:42:29,844 --> 00:42:30,344
But

1189
00:42:31,364 --> 00:42:33,764
is the information you're being given from a

1190
00:42:33,764 --> 00:42:35,444
doctor, first of all, have you talked to

1191
00:42:35,444 --> 00:42:36,344
a medical professional?

1192
00:42:37,000 --> 00:42:39,880
And is that medical professional basing it off

1193
00:42:39,880 --> 00:42:42,300
the old now debunked study

1194
00:42:43,160 --> 00:42:43,660
from

1195
00:42:44,599 --> 00:42:46,519
the nineties, I think is when it first

1196
00:42:46,519 --> 00:42:49,000
came out, that basically was like, nobody should

1197
00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:51,074
take HRT. Everybody's gonna get cancer.

1198
00:42:51,554 --> 00:42:53,734
And that's not accurate anymore.

1199
00:42:54,275 --> 00:42:57,315
So if your medical professional is basing us

1200
00:42:57,315 --> 00:43:00,835
on accurate current information about HRT and your

1201
00:43:00,835 --> 00:43:01,335
personal

1202
00:43:01,875 --> 00:43:04,260
health risks, cuckoo cuckoo. Okay?

1203
00:43:05,280 --> 00:43:07,380
Go with whatever they fucking say.

1204
00:43:07,920 --> 00:43:11,039
But if somebody told you twenty years ago,

1205
00:43:11,039 --> 00:43:13,840
you can't do this, that is probably bad

1206
00:43:13,840 --> 00:43:15,059
information and outdated.

1207
00:43:15,760 --> 00:43:18,099
Talk to a doctor. If your personal doctor

1208
00:43:18,574 --> 00:43:20,914
is not paying attention, is

1209
00:43:21,214 --> 00:43:23,375
not caring, is saying, oh, it's just what

1210
00:43:23,375 --> 00:43:24,835
happens when you get older,

1211
00:43:25,694 --> 00:43:27,534
fuck them and try to look for another

1212
00:43:27,534 --> 00:43:30,194
source. A fee there are multiple telehealth companies.

1213
00:43:30,255 --> 00:43:32,335
If you have insurance, this is much easier

1214
00:43:32,335 --> 00:43:34,139
to do. I am looking into a few

1215
00:43:34,139 --> 00:43:35,500
of those because I don't wanna go back

1216
00:43:35,500 --> 00:43:36,319
to my doctor,

1217
00:43:37,500 --> 00:43:38,000
who

1218
00:43:38,380 --> 00:43:40,000
that's their whole thing is,

1219
00:43:40,619 --> 00:43:41,760
you know, perimenopausal,

1220
00:43:42,139 --> 00:43:43,359
menopausal care

1221
00:43:43,659 --> 00:43:45,980
if you need that. So that's the first

1222
00:43:45,980 --> 00:43:47,659
thing. It's like, where did the information come

1223
00:43:47,659 --> 00:43:47,985
from

1224
00:43:50,545 --> 00:43:50,611
that you can't do it because Mhmm. It's

1225
00:43:50,618 --> 00:43:51,985
that might be true because there are some

1226
00:43:51,985 --> 00:43:52,885
people who can't.

1227
00:43:53,265 --> 00:43:54,785
But it might not be true depending on

1228
00:43:54,785 --> 00:43:55,845
the information. Now,

1229
00:43:57,265 --> 00:44:00,325
I have gotten mixed information about the the

1230
00:44:00,864 --> 00:44:02,005
vaginal atrophy.

1231
00:44:02,385 --> 00:44:02,885
Mhmm.

1232
00:44:03,360 --> 00:44:04,960
Because when it blew up on the Internet,

1233
00:44:04,960 --> 00:44:06,640
they were like, oh, yeah. Your labia just

1234
00:44:06,640 --> 00:44:08,800
gets sucked back in. They don't actually just

1235
00:44:08,800 --> 00:44:09,940
get sucked back in.

1236
00:44:12,559 --> 00:44:13,059
Doctor

1237
00:44:13,440 --> 00:44:15,220
doctor Jen Gunter, who I

1238
00:44:15,920 --> 00:44:17,694
I like her. She is she is a

1239
00:44:17,694 --> 00:44:19,614
gynecologist, and she was like, oh my god.

1240
00:44:19,614 --> 00:44:21,775
The Internet needs to stop saying it. Yes.

1241
00:44:21,775 --> 00:44:22,994
Atrophy can occur.

1242
00:44:23,295 --> 00:44:24,434
Yes. The skin

1243
00:44:24,734 --> 00:44:26,355
is there's not as much elasticity

1244
00:44:26,734 --> 00:44:28,335
as there used to be. So some of

1245
00:44:28,335 --> 00:44:29,714
the things you once did

1246
00:44:30,739 --> 00:44:33,699
before might not be easy or possible without

1247
00:44:33,699 --> 00:44:36,179
outside help. I personally have not tried just

1248
00:44:36,179 --> 00:44:38,679
an estrogen cream. I use testosterone

1249
00:44:39,139 --> 00:44:42,659
with estradiol in it. Right. Once that switch

1250
00:44:42,659 --> 00:44:42,819
was made, because it had just been testosterone

1251
00:44:42,819 --> 00:44:43,719
for it,

1252
00:44:45,425 --> 00:44:47,585
It did start making a difference. I can

1253
00:44:47,585 --> 00:44:48,085
actually

1254
00:44:48,545 --> 00:44:51,105
create my own natural lubrication. Now, man, are

1255
00:44:51,105 --> 00:44:53,744
we is it like warming up an old

1256
00:44:53,744 --> 00:44:56,405
Chevy that was old twenty years ago?

1257
00:44:56,704 --> 00:44:59,989
Yeah. Okay. It is. We're working for it.

1258
00:44:59,989 --> 00:45:02,070
Okay. Yeah. But those cars were fun to

1259
00:45:02,070 --> 00:45:04,309
work on. Well, thankfully, this car is fun

1260
00:45:04,309 --> 00:45:05,289
to work on too.

1261
00:45:05,829 --> 00:45:07,510
But when none of us have time for

1262
00:45:07,510 --> 00:45:08,650
that, there is lube.

1263
00:45:09,429 --> 00:45:10,889
I have not

1264
00:45:11,934 --> 00:45:14,275
I have not verified whether this is still

1265
00:45:14,494 --> 00:45:16,335
actually accurate or if it was just a

1266
00:45:16,335 --> 00:45:18,514
thing the Internet said fifteen years ago.

1267
00:45:18,974 --> 00:45:20,734
But there you know, I have seen from

1268
00:45:20,734 --> 00:45:21,795
time to time this

1269
00:45:22,734 --> 00:45:24,734
use it or lose it kind of thing.

1270
00:45:24,734 --> 00:45:26,114
It's true. I know,

1271
00:45:27,069 --> 00:45:29,069
anybody with a prostate, one of the things

1272
00:45:29,069 --> 00:45:31,389
that can help help, not completely, but help

1273
00:45:31,389 --> 00:45:33,230
keep your prostate healthy is could you please

1274
00:45:33,230 --> 00:45:33,889
go, like,

1275
00:45:34,510 --> 00:45:35,010
ejaculate,

1276
00:45:35,389 --> 00:45:36,769
masturbate, fuck, whatever.

1277
00:45:37,550 --> 00:45:38,609
Regular ejaculation,

1278
00:45:38,909 --> 00:45:40,909
apparently, on some level, I don't know how

1279
00:45:40,909 --> 00:45:41,889
much helps

1280
00:45:48,905 --> 00:45:49,405
vulva.

1281
00:45:49,704 --> 00:45:52,344
Mhmm. That the more you are getting blood

1282
00:45:52,344 --> 00:45:53,324
flow down there,

1283
00:45:53,945 --> 00:45:54,510
the more the blood can keep flowing down

1284
00:45:54,510 --> 00:45:54,824
there. Now that doesn't mean that you're, you

1285
00:45:54,824 --> 00:45:57,269
know, can keep flowing down there. Now that

1286
00:45:57,269 --> 00:46:00,170
doesn't mean that your, you know, vagina immediately

1287
00:46:00,230 --> 00:46:01,210
turns into,

1288
00:46:01,989 --> 00:46:02,650
you know,

1289
00:46:04,230 --> 00:46:06,869
slime that just stretches out however you need

1290
00:46:06,869 --> 00:46:08,650
it, but those things

1291
00:46:08,950 --> 00:46:10,215
can help.

1292
00:46:10,695 --> 00:46:11,675
I do wonder,

1293
00:46:11,974 --> 00:46:14,155
are they taking the time

1294
00:46:14,775 --> 00:46:17,494
to warm up the 20 year old Chevy

1295
00:46:17,494 --> 00:46:18,635
on a cold morning?

1296
00:46:18,934 --> 00:46:20,635
Mhmm. Could they get there?

1297
00:46:21,335 --> 00:46:24,295
Is this now I having UTIs and,

1298
00:46:25,089 --> 00:46:27,329
BV, that will you're not you're not fucking

1299
00:46:27,409 --> 00:46:29,089
you'd get away get away from me. Right?

1300
00:46:29,089 --> 00:46:30,069
So that will

1301
00:46:30,769 --> 00:46:33,349
mean that maybe you can't be consistent to

1302
00:46:34,289 --> 00:46:36,469
rev back up. But if

1303
00:46:37,704 --> 00:46:38,204
the

1304
00:46:38,905 --> 00:46:41,625
vaginal canal will stay healthy for more than

1305
00:46:41,625 --> 00:46:43,385
a couple days at a time Mhmm. They

1306
00:46:43,385 --> 00:46:44,605
could with some maybe

1307
00:46:44,984 --> 00:46:47,545
semi consistent, like, let's just play. Just have

1308
00:46:47,545 --> 00:46:49,405
a couple orgasms. Just, you know,

1309
00:46:49,760 --> 00:46:50,260
whatever.

1310
00:46:50,559 --> 00:46:52,559
I would be very curious about if that

1311
00:46:52,559 --> 00:46:53,300
would also

1312
00:46:53,679 --> 00:46:56,099
help. If the use it or lose

1313
00:46:56,960 --> 00:46:57,539
it thing,

1314
00:47:00,159 --> 00:47:02,260
you know Yeah. Is true or not. Mhmm.

1315
00:47:05,894 --> 00:47:07,015
So I can,

1316
00:47:08,535 --> 00:47:09,675
add my solidarity

1317
00:47:10,055 --> 00:47:10,555
solidarity

1318
00:47:10,934 --> 00:47:12,775
to this person. Mhmm. I went my whole

1319
00:47:12,775 --> 00:47:13,275
life.

1320
00:47:14,055 --> 00:47:15,114
Never had a UTI.

1321
00:47:16,135 --> 00:47:17,114
Had two UTIs

1322
00:47:17,414 --> 00:47:17,914
in

1323
00:47:18,570 --> 00:47:20,809
six months. Thought I had a UTI the

1324
00:47:20,809 --> 00:47:21,949
other day and then learned

1325
00:47:22,570 --> 00:47:24,250
from some part of the Internet that you

1326
00:47:24,250 --> 00:47:25,930
can have maybe it was our discord. Somebody

1327
00:47:25,930 --> 00:47:27,210
was talking about it. Basically, I have a

1328
00:47:27,210 --> 00:47:29,849
phantom UTI where your body acts like it's

1329
00:47:29,849 --> 00:47:32,110
a UTI but it's not a fucking UTI.

1330
00:47:32,170 --> 00:47:33,550
I don't know what that's about.

1331
00:47:34,194 --> 00:47:34,934
Yeast infections,

1332
00:47:35,394 --> 00:47:37,655
nothing makes me not want to

1333
00:47:38,034 --> 00:47:40,034
be dicked down at all like a yeast

1334
00:47:40,034 --> 00:47:42,755
infection. Had I ever had one prior to

1335
00:47:42,755 --> 00:47:44,755
turning about 44,

1336
00:47:44,755 --> 00:47:45,554
45?

1337
00:47:45,554 --> 00:47:46,054
No.

1338
00:47:47,309 --> 00:47:49,250
Have I had two now?

1339
00:47:49,710 --> 00:47:50,210
Yeah.

1340
00:47:51,309 --> 00:47:51,809
So

1341
00:47:53,550 --> 00:47:55,170
that's a very sensitive

1342
00:47:55,630 --> 00:47:57,630
microbiome down there. That's actually true. I'm not

1343
00:47:57,630 --> 00:47:58,289
being funny.

1344
00:47:58,910 --> 00:47:59,890
But it's like

1345
00:48:00,430 --> 00:48:02,945
it's like my girls down there are like,

1346
00:48:02,945 --> 00:48:05,265
look, we don't just let anybody in. And

1347
00:48:05,265 --> 00:48:07,265
if you come in, it's gonna be a

1348
00:48:07,265 --> 00:48:10,065
problem. And I'm just like, look, I'm just

1349
00:48:10,065 --> 00:48:12,305
trying to live my fucking life and get

1350
00:48:12,305 --> 00:48:14,369
laid. And I keep it clean And I

1351
00:48:14,369 --> 00:48:16,789
take care of myself. And so does JB.

1352
00:48:17,089 --> 00:48:19,349
Why are you punishing me? But, you know

1353
00:48:23,250 --> 00:48:25,429
now what I'm curious about from your perspective,

1354
00:48:25,730 --> 00:48:26,230
because

1355
00:48:26,690 --> 00:48:28,155
you got to meet me at, like, the

1356
00:48:28,394 --> 00:48:29,375
peak of my,

1357
00:48:30,235 --> 00:48:32,175
you know, sex drive apparently.

1358
00:48:32,554 --> 00:48:34,954
Because supposedly, it'll come back eventually, but I'm

1359
00:48:34,954 --> 00:48:36,094
not holding my breath.

1360
00:48:37,835 --> 00:48:40,635
What, if any, differences that won't hurt my

1361
00:48:40,635 --> 00:48:41,135
feelings?

1362
00:48:41,594 --> 00:48:42,494
Do you notice

1363
00:48:42,875 --> 00:48:43,375
from

1364
00:48:44,289 --> 00:48:45,909
my thirties to now

1365
00:48:47,409 --> 00:48:49,109
in in that kind of department?

1366
00:48:50,769 --> 00:48:52,449
Well, you know, we we talked a little

1367
00:48:52,449 --> 00:48:53,989
bit about this the other day.

1368
00:48:54,690 --> 00:48:55,489
And I think the,

1369
00:48:56,130 --> 00:48:57,569
the biggest thing is is that,

1370
00:48:58,594 --> 00:49:00,034
between the two of us neither one of

1371
00:49:00,034 --> 00:49:01,875
us can go for as long as we

1372
00:49:01,875 --> 00:49:04,514
used to well yeah you know can't wreck

1373
00:49:04,514 --> 00:49:06,194
a wreck a room like we did I'm

1374
00:49:06,194 --> 00:49:07,635
okay with that I feel a lot more

1375
00:49:07,635 --> 00:49:09,315
guilty now because I have had to clean

1376
00:49:09,315 --> 00:49:10,934
rooms more than I used

1377
00:49:11,954 --> 00:49:14,880
to but you know even even, like, you

1378
00:49:15,139 --> 00:49:17,940
know, we've had to find positions that are

1379
00:49:18,179 --> 00:49:20,339
Mhmm. More comfortable for us, you know. We

1380
00:49:20,339 --> 00:49:21,719
we have had to adjust.

1381
00:49:22,420 --> 00:49:24,599
I mean, it hasn't it's not been

1382
00:49:25,139 --> 00:49:27,619
the most horrible. No. What I'm referring to

1383
00:49:27,619 --> 00:49:30,884
is specifically working with my Chevy engine down

1384
00:49:30,884 --> 00:49:31,384
there.

1385
00:49:32,085 --> 00:49:32,824
The vagina.

1386
00:49:33,125 --> 00:49:34,505
Okay. Have you noticed

1387
00:49:35,125 --> 00:49:35,625
differences

1388
00:49:36,565 --> 00:49:37,464
pre perimenopause

1389
00:49:38,005 --> 00:49:40,984
and deep in the bowels of perimenopause?

1390
00:49:41,364 --> 00:49:41,864
Absolutely.

1391
00:49:42,244 --> 00:49:44,690
What kind of differences have you noticed?

1392
00:49:45,150 --> 00:49:47,090
Please try not to hurt my feelings. No.

1393
00:49:47,550 --> 00:49:49,230
No. Now now he's like, well, I guess

1394
00:49:49,230 --> 00:49:50,449
I just won't tell you.

1395
00:49:52,429 --> 00:49:54,190
Now you'll just be left happy to wonder

1396
00:49:54,190 --> 00:49:55,010
what it is.

1397
00:49:56,670 --> 00:49:58,109
Well, no. There there's,

1398
00:49:59,424 --> 00:50:00,964
you know, some of those mornings,

1399
00:50:02,304 --> 00:50:04,784
like up north when it's below zero and

1400
00:50:04,784 --> 00:50:06,704
you got dead battery from the cold, it

1401
00:50:06,704 --> 00:50:08,704
just ain't gonna start and warm up. You

1402
00:50:08,704 --> 00:50:10,885
better start pouring that lube out. Right.

1403
00:50:11,904 --> 00:50:13,824
So, you know, I I think that's the

1404
00:50:13,824 --> 00:50:14,324
biggest

1405
00:50:15,650 --> 00:50:16,710
the biggest thing.

1406
00:50:17,090 --> 00:50:17,590
Mhmm.

1407
00:50:18,050 --> 00:50:20,050
But, But when we do when we are

1408
00:50:20,050 --> 00:50:21,349
able to take our time,

1409
00:50:21,730 --> 00:50:23,030
and now I think that

1410
00:50:23,329 --> 00:50:26,210
I've kind of the medication and supplements are,

1411
00:50:26,210 --> 00:50:28,364
like, in harmony for these five minutes. We

1412
00:50:28,364 --> 00:50:30,925
can't get there. Yeah. It's just it's not

1413
00:50:30,925 --> 00:50:31,425
consistent.

1414
00:50:32,045 --> 00:50:34,204
No. It depends on so many more factors

1415
00:50:34,204 --> 00:50:35,505
than just willingness.

1416
00:50:36,445 --> 00:50:39,644
Yeah. Willingness is just, like, a tenth of

1417
00:50:39,644 --> 00:50:42,559
the whole process these days. Yeah. And and,

1418
00:50:42,559 --> 00:50:44,420
you know, I I know this is primarily,

1419
00:50:44,559 --> 00:50:45,380
you know, about

1420
00:50:46,239 --> 00:50:48,260
but, I mean, even myself, it takes

1421
00:50:48,719 --> 00:50:50,480
it takes a little bit more to to

1422
00:50:50,480 --> 00:50:52,480
wind up my engine too these days, you

1423
00:50:52,480 --> 00:50:54,719
know. Mhmm. It's just the the nature of

1424
00:50:54,719 --> 00:50:56,719
things. Yeah. And, you know, I think there

1425
00:50:56,719 --> 00:50:59,505
are things that probably can be done if

1426
00:50:59,505 --> 00:51:00,945
you're the kind of person who wants to

1427
00:51:00,945 --> 00:51:03,744
optimize, but that kinda makes me cringe. It's

1428
00:51:03,744 --> 00:51:05,844
like, well, not everybody has the resources,

1429
00:51:06,385 --> 00:51:08,144
has the body that will let them do

1430
00:51:08,144 --> 00:51:09,744
all the healthy things that are supposed to

1431
00:51:09,744 --> 00:51:12,065
miraculously make it. So nothing is ever difficult

1432
00:51:12,065 --> 00:51:13,849
for your your body to achieve again. It's

1433
00:51:13,849 --> 00:51:14,349
like,

1434
00:51:14,650 --> 00:51:17,230
that's not actually how it works for

1435
00:51:17,930 --> 00:51:20,489
most people. Like, yeah. We could we could

1436
00:51:20,489 --> 00:51:20,989
make

1437
00:51:21,369 --> 00:51:24,110
our our experience maybe, like, 5% better

1438
00:51:24,425 --> 00:51:26,585
if we did x y z. But at

1439
00:51:26,585 --> 00:51:27,484
a certain point,

1440
00:51:27,784 --> 00:51:29,324
I am in the throes of perimenopause

1441
00:51:29,704 --> 00:51:31,465
and in my mid forties. You are in

1442
00:51:31,465 --> 00:51:34,905
your mid sixties. Our bodies are changing. Yeah.

1443
00:51:34,905 --> 00:51:36,284
It does not matter

1444
00:51:37,545 --> 00:51:39,449
what else we try to do to combat

1445
00:51:40,650 --> 00:51:41,789
that. So yeah.

1446
00:51:42,570 --> 00:51:45,050
Anything else? Mm-mm. Okay. Let me go to

1447
00:51:45,050 --> 00:51:46,670
the next one. Mom.

1448
00:51:49,449 --> 00:51:50,269
Dom aftercare.

1449
00:51:52,724 --> 00:51:54,664
I'm aware of a lot of sub aftercare.

1450
00:51:54,724 --> 00:51:56,585
My dom is great at giving me aftercare,

1451
00:51:56,644 --> 00:51:58,244
but I was reading and learning about dom

1452
00:51:58,244 --> 00:52:00,164
drop, and I feel guilty. I never thought

1453
00:52:00,164 --> 00:52:02,644
about my dom aftercare too. It's a new

1454
00:52:02,644 --> 00:52:04,485
relationship, and I'm gonna talk with them about

1455
00:52:04,485 --> 00:52:06,269
how I can support them too. But can

1456
00:52:06,269 --> 00:52:08,190
you please give any advice on ideas on

1457
00:52:08,190 --> 00:52:10,989
what Dom aftercare looks like? Usually, he gets

1458
00:52:10,989 --> 00:52:12,909
me water, cuddles, and says nice things to

1459
00:52:12,909 --> 00:52:14,349
me. Is it the same to give to

1460
00:52:14,349 --> 00:52:16,269
him? When I'm back in my headspace, I

1461
00:52:16,269 --> 00:52:18,110
cuddle and I talk to him too, comforting

1462
00:52:18,110 --> 00:52:19,409
him best I can back.

1463
00:52:19,710 --> 00:52:21,474
But is there any suggestions I can bring

1464
00:52:21,474 --> 00:52:23,074
up to him? Thanks so much for reading

1465
00:52:23,074 --> 00:52:25,335
and any advice. I picked this one because

1466
00:52:26,434 --> 00:52:28,835
it it's not we talk about it more

1467
00:52:28,835 --> 00:52:30,675
than we used to, but it it falls

1468
00:52:30,675 --> 00:52:32,034
off the radar and it's like, yeah, let's

1469
00:52:32,034 --> 00:52:33,715
bring this one back. Dom aftercare is a

1470
00:52:33,715 --> 00:52:35,670
thing. Let's talk about it. Mhmm. So we

1471
00:52:35,829 --> 00:52:38,070
the immediate answer to this person's question is

1472
00:52:38,070 --> 00:52:40,070
to ask your Dom what they want. Right.

1473
00:52:40,070 --> 00:52:42,150
That is but let's talk about Dom aftercare

1474
00:52:42,230 --> 00:52:43,050
Mhmm. In general.

1475
00:52:43,510 --> 00:52:45,510
Yeah. You know, I have to ask them

1476
00:52:45,510 --> 00:52:47,130
because it's different for everybody.

1477
00:52:48,389 --> 00:52:48,889
But,

1478
00:52:49,585 --> 00:52:52,244
you know, yeah. Dom's experience dropped

1479
00:52:52,704 --> 00:52:53,844
too, and it's

1480
00:52:54,224 --> 00:52:56,704
not always pretty. So I know what I

1481
00:52:56,704 --> 00:52:57,684
do for you.

1482
00:52:58,545 --> 00:53:00,545
It's been so long since we've done a

1483
00:53:00,545 --> 00:53:02,804
scene where there needed to be, like, something.

1484
00:53:02,945 --> 00:53:03,445
But

1485
00:53:03,744 --> 00:53:04,644
from a personal,

1486
00:53:05,049 --> 00:53:06,650
like, what is it that you appreciate as

1487
00:53:06,650 --> 00:53:08,329
part of aftercare that that you like, that

1488
00:53:08,329 --> 00:53:09,210
helps you, that

1489
00:53:09,769 --> 00:53:11,230
I mean, for me,

1490
00:53:13,210 --> 00:53:15,210
you know, it it's a it's a spillover

1491
00:53:15,210 --> 00:53:18,029
from from giving you aftercare, the the cuddles.

1492
00:53:18,594 --> 00:53:20,835
Yeah. You are such a touch person. I'm

1493
00:53:20,835 --> 00:53:23,175
I'm a touch person. Yeah. Mhmm. And,

1494
00:53:23,795 --> 00:53:25,715
you know, there there's that. And and I

1495
00:53:25,715 --> 00:53:26,934
think what helps

1496
00:53:27,795 --> 00:53:31,155
with me is, you know, you you thank

1497
00:53:31,155 --> 00:53:32,055
me. Mhmm.

1498
00:53:33,039 --> 00:53:35,299
You know, for the scene and and you,

1499
00:53:35,440 --> 00:53:36,739
you know, you you just

1500
00:53:38,319 --> 00:53:40,079
I I I liked it, you know, this

1501
00:53:40,079 --> 00:53:43,199
is good. Affirmations. Yeah. Yeah. Affirmations like that.

1502
00:53:43,199 --> 00:53:45,519
And that and that helps. Mhmm. That's a

1503
00:53:45,519 --> 00:53:46,659
big help for me.

1504
00:53:47,279 --> 00:53:47,779
In

1505
00:53:48,494 --> 00:53:49,154
our experience,

1506
00:53:49,934 --> 00:53:53,454
your aftercare is not typically immediately after a

1507
00:53:53,454 --> 00:53:55,295
scene. If you needed something a little bit

1508
00:53:55,295 --> 00:53:57,214
more than just some cuddles and some nice

1509
00:53:57,214 --> 00:53:57,714
words.

1510
00:53:58,654 --> 00:54:00,654
But I do think it's been so long.

1511
00:54:00,654 --> 00:54:02,034
It's been so long.

1512
00:54:03,500 --> 00:54:05,900
I would include the need to go get

1513
00:54:05,900 --> 00:54:07,039
a high carb,

1514
00:54:07,500 --> 00:54:08,319
high cholesterol,

1515
00:54:09,260 --> 00:54:12,460
full flavor meal to kinda like Yeah. Perk

1516
00:54:12,460 --> 00:54:13,819
you back up. Because you tend to be,

1517
00:54:13,819 --> 00:54:15,900
like, buzzing for a while. You I do.

1518
00:54:15,980 --> 00:54:18,784
Sleep. You're like, No. You know? I I

1519
00:54:18,784 --> 00:54:20,545
know it it we're like in that word,

1520
00:54:20,545 --> 00:54:23,264
we are total opposites because you you're ready

1521
00:54:23,264 --> 00:54:24,565
to to, you know, you're

1522
00:54:25,344 --> 00:54:26,944
you're ready to shut your eyes and We

1523
00:54:26,944 --> 00:54:29,045
are stripped off. Enough that aftercare

1524
00:54:29,344 --> 00:54:31,105
is a thing we're both, like, yep. That's

1525
00:54:31,105 --> 00:54:32,840
what we need here. You I'm

1526
00:54:33,300 --> 00:54:35,860
I'm boneless and just tuck me into bed.

1527
00:54:35,860 --> 00:54:38,660
And and me, my mind is wired and

1528
00:54:38,660 --> 00:54:39,480
it is just,

1529
00:54:40,019 --> 00:54:42,599
you know, going a 100 miles a minute.

1530
00:54:42,660 --> 00:54:43,160
Mhmm.

1531
00:54:43,940 --> 00:54:45,559
So I know when

1532
00:54:46,500 --> 00:54:47,994
I think we know we don't even label

1533
00:54:47,994 --> 00:54:49,594
it aftercare, but that is essentially what it

1534
00:54:49,594 --> 00:54:51,114
is. When I am giving you those words

1535
00:54:51,114 --> 00:54:53,034
of affirmation, I'm making sure to say thank

1536
00:54:53,034 --> 00:54:54,175
you. Sure. Mhmm.

1537
00:54:55,594 --> 00:54:57,675
To let you know that, you know, it

1538
00:54:57,675 --> 00:54:59,650
was good for me that especially if, like,

1539
00:54:59,650 --> 00:55:02,130
you've tried something new, I'm gonna let you

1540
00:55:02,130 --> 00:55:05,090
know. Like, the aftercare time is to to

1541
00:55:05,090 --> 00:55:06,230
say the positives.

1542
00:55:06,690 --> 00:55:07,510
The debrief

1543
00:55:07,969 --> 00:55:10,929
sometimes takes place, like, immediately after somewhere in

1544
00:55:10,929 --> 00:55:13,574
aftercare. Yeah. For us, debriefs are, like, when

1545
00:55:13,635 --> 00:55:15,795
we're out of the ooey gooey feelings and

1546
00:55:15,795 --> 00:55:17,894
we're, like, okay, we're thinking straight again.

1547
00:55:19,554 --> 00:55:21,315
That's when I might go, hey, when you

1548
00:55:21,315 --> 00:55:24,035
did that swing, it landed here. Yeah. You

1549
00:55:24,035 --> 00:55:26,614
know, that wasn't great or whatever whatever. But

1550
00:55:26,920 --> 00:55:29,079
when it's like, okay, we're affirming one another

1551
00:55:29,079 --> 00:55:30,760
and we're like being all cuddly and we're

1552
00:55:30,760 --> 00:55:33,000
just like vibing together. I am a I'm

1553
00:55:33,000 --> 00:55:34,519
not gonna lie to you. Like, I'm not

1554
00:55:34,519 --> 00:55:35,719
gonna tell you I like something if I

1555
00:55:35,719 --> 00:55:37,320
didn't. Sure. But I'm a gas you up.

1556
00:55:37,320 --> 00:55:38,300
I'm gonna be like,

1557
00:55:38,679 --> 00:55:40,199
that was so good and you did such

1558
00:55:40,199 --> 00:55:41,885
a good job, and I really appreciate it,

1559
00:55:41,885 --> 00:55:42,204
and I really

1560
00:55:44,204 --> 00:55:45,025
because, you know,

1561
00:55:45,484 --> 00:55:45,984
I'd

1562
00:55:46,445 --> 00:55:48,065
like to think I do that for you

1563
00:55:48,284 --> 00:55:51,005
more often than maybe some, you know, I

1564
00:55:51,005 --> 00:55:53,565
did before or whatever whatever. But I, you

1565
00:55:53,565 --> 00:55:55,804
know, I think there's a tendency typically with

1566
00:55:55,804 --> 00:55:58,489
newer subs, maybe with long term relationships where

1567
00:55:58,489 --> 00:55:59,630
you're at that stage where

1568
00:56:00,250 --> 00:56:02,250
you're taking each other for granted. I know

1569
00:56:02,250 --> 00:56:05,150
we've fallen into that before. Mhmm. Everybody does.

1570
00:56:06,329 --> 00:56:08,090
But it is real easy to kind of

1571
00:56:08,090 --> 00:56:10,010
forget that, yeah, the Dom's in charge. And,

1572
00:56:10,010 --> 00:56:11,210
yeah, the Dom got to do what the

1573
00:56:11,210 --> 00:56:13,125
Dom wanted to do. But the Dom also

1574
00:56:13,184 --> 00:56:15,345
carries a lot of responsibility and a lot

1575
00:56:15,345 --> 00:56:17,664
of weight on their shoulders. And they'll try

1576
00:56:17,664 --> 00:56:19,425
new shit, and they will have spent time

1577
00:56:19,425 --> 00:56:21,125
planning the scene, and they will gone,

1578
00:56:21,425 --> 00:56:23,345
I I know this usually is okay. Let's

1579
00:56:23,345 --> 00:56:25,664
go. You know, so to let your Dom

1580
00:56:25,664 --> 00:56:28,760
know, don't lie, but if it was good,

1581
00:56:28,820 --> 00:56:31,559
if you enjoyed it, if you appreciate them,

1582
00:56:32,500 --> 00:56:34,280
let them fucking know.

1583
00:56:34,820 --> 00:56:37,140
Yeah. And and you know, some sometimes for

1584
00:56:37,140 --> 00:56:37,640
me,

1585
00:56:38,099 --> 00:56:39,720
like that the next day,

1586
00:56:41,474 --> 00:56:43,074
I just wanna plant my butt on the

1587
00:56:43,074 --> 00:56:44,994
couch and watch TV and just, you know

1588
00:56:45,155 --> 00:56:46,835
Yeah. That's usually when you're kind of like

1589
00:56:46,835 --> 00:56:48,214
a lump. Yeah? Yeah.

1590
00:56:48,594 --> 00:56:49,414
Yeah. Yeah.

1591
00:56:49,795 --> 00:56:51,315
Okay. Anything else you wanna say about that

1592
00:56:51,315 --> 00:56:53,280
one? Okay. I think this is our last

1593
00:56:53,280 --> 00:56:53,780
one.

1594
00:56:56,320 --> 00:56:57,380
It is

1595
00:56:58,640 --> 00:56:59,140
Oh.

1596
00:57:00,719 --> 00:57:03,619
It's idle. Yep. Yep. Oh, gosh. I'm

1597
00:57:04,079 --> 00:57:06,160
I'm knocking shit over around here. Okay. Hopefully,

1598
00:57:06,160 --> 00:57:07,574
we're still recording. Okay.

1599
00:57:07,974 --> 00:57:10,934
Don't break anything now. He keeps saying he'll

1600
00:57:10,934 --> 00:57:11,755
collar me,

1601
00:57:12,295 --> 00:57:13,114
but doesn't.

1602
00:57:13,655 --> 00:57:16,054
TLDR, my boyfriend slash Dom has been saying

1603
00:57:16,054 --> 00:57:17,494
he's going to collar me for the past

1604
00:57:17,494 --> 00:57:19,734
four months and hasn't. I'm hurt by it

1605
00:57:19,734 --> 00:57:21,940
and don't know what to do. Okay. My

1606
00:57:21,940 --> 00:57:23,539
boyfriend and I have been together for nearly

1607
00:57:23,539 --> 00:57:25,300
six months and playing in a dynamic for

1608
00:57:25,300 --> 00:57:27,219
just as long. Before that, we were online

1609
00:57:27,219 --> 00:57:30,019
friends for five years. We're both switches, him

1610
00:57:30,019 --> 00:57:32,019
dom leaning and I'm sub leaning. When we

1611
00:57:32,019 --> 00:57:34,019
first started seeing each other, he wanted monogamy,

1612
00:57:34,019 --> 00:57:36,099
which I agreed to while we figured things

1613
00:57:36,099 --> 00:57:36,344
out.

1614
00:57:37,065 --> 00:57:39,304
When talking out our dynamics, I made it

1615
00:57:39,304 --> 00:57:41,465
very clear I wanted to be collared. He

1616
00:57:41,465 --> 00:57:43,704
expressed the same. We went over what the

1617
00:57:43,704 --> 00:57:45,465
collars meant to each other. About a month

1618
00:57:45,465 --> 00:57:47,005
in, I collared him.

1619
00:57:47,545 --> 00:57:49,545
For a while, I thought him not collaring

1620
00:57:49,545 --> 00:57:51,839
me was a financial reason. But as time

1621
00:57:51,839 --> 00:57:53,359
went by and he bought us food and

1622
00:57:53,359 --> 00:57:55,219
he got me other gifts, it became apparent

1623
00:57:55,279 --> 00:57:57,359
that wasn't the case. We talk about the

1624
00:57:57,359 --> 00:57:59,679
collaring about every two weeks. We talk about

1625
00:57:59,679 --> 00:58:01,199
what it means. I talk about how I

1626
00:58:01,199 --> 00:58:03,199
still really want it and is there anything

1627
00:58:03,199 --> 00:58:04,659
he wants from me, etc.

1628
00:58:05,285 --> 00:58:07,925
It always ends with, okay, we'll start looking

1629
00:58:07,925 --> 00:58:08,425
soon,

1630
00:58:08,724 --> 00:58:11,364
then soon never comes. I don't want anything

1631
00:58:11,364 --> 00:58:13,605
expensive or elaborate. I told him he could

1632
00:58:13,605 --> 00:58:15,045
go to the local craft store and buy

1633
00:58:15,045 --> 00:58:16,805
a leather cord, a dog collar from the

1634
00:58:16,805 --> 00:58:19,030
dollar store, anything. Still nothing.

1635
00:58:19,489 --> 00:58:20,769
I don't want to talk about it any

1636
00:58:20,769 --> 00:58:22,130
more than we already do. I feel like

1637
00:58:22,130 --> 00:58:23,809
if I keep asking him over and over

1638
00:58:23,809 --> 00:58:25,730
again, he'll just do it because he wants

1639
00:58:25,730 --> 00:58:26,949
me to stop asking.

1640
00:58:27,489 --> 00:58:28,929
I'm hurting and I don't know how to

1641
00:58:28,929 --> 00:58:30,609
make it stop. If he doesn't want to

1642
00:58:30,609 --> 00:58:32,949
collar me, stop leading me on.

1643
00:58:33,305 --> 00:58:34,825
Over the weekend, we had two play times,

1644
00:58:34,825 --> 00:58:36,744
one on Saturday and one on Sunday. In

1645
00:58:36,744 --> 00:58:39,085
both cases, I felt myself slipping into subspace.

1646
00:58:39,305 --> 00:58:41,945
I stopped myself. I refuse to let myself

1647
00:58:41,945 --> 00:58:44,105
fall into subspace when playing with someone who

1648
00:58:44,105 --> 00:58:46,025
won't collar me, a rule I have for

1649
00:58:46,025 --> 00:58:46,525
myself.

1650
00:58:46,905 --> 00:58:49,679
It sucks. During aftercare on Sunday, he asked

1651
00:58:49,679 --> 00:58:51,280
if anything was wrong. I said I was

1652
00:58:51,280 --> 00:58:53,039
feeling droppy because it's been a while since

1653
00:58:53,039 --> 00:58:54,579
we played two days in a row.

1654
00:58:54,880 --> 00:58:56,800
He asked if anything was bugging me. I

1655
00:58:56,800 --> 00:58:59,199
said no. I lied and he knew. He

1656
00:58:59,199 --> 00:59:00,019
asked specifically,

1657
00:59:00,320 --> 00:59:02,000
are you sad because you don't have a

1658
00:59:02,000 --> 00:59:03,985
collar? I wasn't ready to talk about it

1659
00:59:03,985 --> 00:59:05,344
yet. I cut him off because I was

1660
00:59:05,344 --> 00:59:06,724
angry and wanted to scream.

1661
00:59:07,505 --> 00:59:09,925
What? I thought we already were.

1662
00:59:10,304 --> 00:59:11,744
Oh, no. I'm sorry. I've missed the whole

1663
00:59:11,744 --> 00:59:14,164
line. He asked specifically, are you sad because

1664
00:59:14,224 --> 00:59:16,565
you don't have a collar? I said yes.

1665
00:59:16,869 --> 00:59:18,869
He started to talk about how we can

1666
00:59:18,869 --> 00:59:22,070
move towards that direction, and I cut him

1667
00:59:22,070 --> 00:59:23,989
off saying I wasn't ready to talk about

1668
00:59:23,989 --> 00:59:25,829
it yet. I cut him off because I

1669
00:59:25,829 --> 00:59:27,769
was angry and wanted to scream.

1670
00:59:28,070 --> 00:59:30,789
What? I thought we already were doing the

1671
00:59:30,789 --> 00:59:31,425
moving towards.

1672
00:59:32,065 --> 00:59:33,744
Now he knows I'm upset. I've been at

1673
00:59:33,744 --> 00:59:35,265
work all day, and I can't stop myself

1674
00:59:35,265 --> 00:59:37,105
from crying. I don't know what to do.

1675
00:59:37,105 --> 00:59:38,545
It's not like I can talk to him

1676
00:59:38,545 --> 00:59:39,925
about it. I have.

1677
00:59:40,945 --> 00:59:42,224
I told him it means a lot to

1678
00:59:42,224 --> 00:59:43,344
me, and I need it to feel safe

1679
00:59:43,344 --> 00:59:44,644
in a BDSM dynamic

1680
00:59:45,105 --> 00:59:45,605
several

1681
00:59:46,250 --> 00:59:48,650
times. He's acknowledged it. If I keep asking

1682
00:59:48,650 --> 00:59:51,050
for it, it demeans its meaning. I can't

1683
00:59:51,050 --> 00:59:53,130
hide that I'm miserable forever. I don't know

1684
00:59:53,130 --> 00:59:54,650
what to do. I wish I didn't care

1685
00:59:54,650 --> 00:59:56,409
so much about a stupid piece of jewelry,

1686
00:59:56,409 --> 00:59:57,974
but I do, and it hurts.

1687
00:59:58,535 --> 01:00:00,315
Well, it's important to a lot of people.

1688
01:00:00,454 --> 01:00:02,695
This isn't something they've been hiding. They've said

1689
01:00:02,695 --> 01:00:03,275
it from

1690
01:00:03,655 --> 01:00:06,454
day one, apparently. Yep. Six months in, a

1691
01:00:06,454 --> 01:00:08,474
conversation every two weeks.

1692
01:00:08,934 --> 01:00:11,675
Alright. That's 12 conversations. I'm I'm I'm gonna

1693
01:00:12,055 --> 01:00:13,765
do the the, what

1694
01:00:14,208 --> 01:00:16,800
what do you call it? The TL Doctor.

1695
01:00:17,088 --> 01:00:19,393
Doctor. Uh-huh. Okay. Actions speak louder than words.

1696
01:00:19,393 --> 01:00:21,697
Plain and simple. He's telling you everything. Right.

1697
01:00:21,697 --> 01:00:24,002
He's giving you all the words, but not

1698
01:00:24,002 --> 01:00:26,306
doing a damn thing. Right. It's it's the

1699
01:00:26,594 --> 01:00:28,275
he's telling you with his actions. He does

1700
01:00:28,275 --> 01:00:29,554
not wanna call you. If he wanted to

1701
01:00:29,554 --> 01:00:31,655
call you, you would be fucking calling. Right.

1702
01:00:31,715 --> 01:00:33,734
This is not a lack of clear communication.

1703
01:00:33,875 --> 01:00:34,775
This is not

1704
01:00:35,074 --> 01:00:36,614
a misreading of cues.

1705
01:00:37,155 --> 01:00:39,795
This is This is We've been fucking talking

1706
01:00:39,795 --> 01:00:43,199
about it. This is this is he's got

1707
01:00:43,199 --> 01:00:43,699
the,

1708
01:00:45,119 --> 01:00:46,340
he's got the prize,

1709
01:00:46,800 --> 01:00:49,140
so to speak. Mhmm. Okay.

1710
01:00:49,519 --> 01:00:50,019
But

1711
01:00:51,360 --> 01:00:53,519
I would bet dollars to donuts that collar

1712
01:00:53,519 --> 01:00:54,579
is is too permanent

1713
01:00:54,945 --> 01:00:56,625
too permanent. There's something about it he doesn't

1714
01:00:56,625 --> 01:00:58,625
wanna do, but he's unwilling to be honest

1715
01:00:58,625 --> 01:01:00,704
about it. He's unwilling to say Exactly. I

1716
01:01:00,704 --> 01:01:02,465
don't want this or I wanna wait or

1717
01:01:02,465 --> 01:01:03,824
whatever the fuck it is. I don't even

1718
01:01:03,824 --> 01:01:05,824
care. Six months? I and I was gonna

1719
01:01:05,824 --> 01:01:07,559
just say six months. That that's

1720
01:01:08,253 --> 01:01:09,719
I might. I might. If it's a long

1721
01:01:09,719 --> 01:01:12,219
term relationship and other things are otherwise decent.

1722
01:01:12,360 --> 01:01:14,039
If it's like a few weeks of hemming

1723
01:01:14,039 --> 01:01:16,780
and hawing, I'll be a little forgiving. Maybe.

1724
01:01:16,920 --> 01:01:17,420
Maybe.

1725
01:01:17,960 --> 01:01:20,380
Six goddamn months where that was literally

1726
01:01:20,760 --> 01:01:22,744
like one of the things that talked about

1727
01:01:22,744 --> 01:01:24,125
from the very beginning.

1728
01:01:25,224 --> 01:01:27,305
They did not hide what they wanted. They

1729
01:01:27,305 --> 01:01:29,244
were clear. And it's

1730
01:01:29,545 --> 01:01:31,805
look. It's okay if somebody, including

1731
01:01:32,744 --> 01:01:35,730
this guy, doesn't agree, doesn't think six months,

1732
01:01:35,809 --> 01:01:38,210
doesn't meh meh meh. Right. But talk about

1733
01:01:38,210 --> 01:01:39,429
it. But that's an incompatibility.

1734
01:01:40,050 --> 01:01:42,530
Yeah. Somebody out there, if if this person

1735
01:01:42,530 --> 01:01:43,889
had been given the opportunity, I have no

1736
01:01:43,889 --> 01:01:45,409
doubt they could have met somebody who's like,

1737
01:01:45,409 --> 01:01:46,849
hell, yeah. I'm down for it. Let's do

1738
01:01:46,849 --> 01:01:49,505
the fucking thing. Mhmm. But they've been with

1739
01:01:49,505 --> 01:01:50,965
this motherfucker. Yeah.

1740
01:01:51,664 --> 01:01:53,525
And the old motherfucker would come out eventually.

1741
01:01:55,425 --> 01:01:56,244
Yeah. I,

1742
01:01:56,704 --> 01:01:57,445
you know,

1743
01:01:57,905 --> 01:02:00,239
the fact that they did the so here's

1744
01:02:00,239 --> 01:02:02,480
what really pisses me off. Okay. What do

1745
01:02:02,480 --> 01:02:04,239
you mean? What really pisses me off? I

1746
01:02:04,239 --> 01:02:05,940
know why they're pissed off because

1747
01:02:06,639 --> 01:02:09,599
the are you sad because I won't collar

1748
01:02:09,599 --> 01:02:13,380
you? They fucking know. This isn't even cowardice.

1749
01:02:13,440 --> 01:02:15,635
This isn't even a this isn't even a

1750
01:02:15,635 --> 01:02:17,954
hiding from it. They they are holding it

1751
01:02:17,954 --> 01:02:20,375
over Yeah. Their head, their something.

1752
01:02:20,675 --> 01:02:23,394
Something. They knew exactly why their partner was

1753
01:02:23,394 --> 01:02:26,454
mad. Yeah. But then said moving toward?

1754
01:02:27,510 --> 01:02:29,190
Yeah. Now why wouldn't you have said that

1755
01:02:29,190 --> 01:02:31,269
in conversation one, we can move toward it?

1756
01:02:31,269 --> 01:02:33,130
And then keep saying, if if

1757
01:02:33,750 --> 01:02:35,910
if he had said move toward in every

1758
01:02:35,910 --> 01:02:37,829
conversation, I still wouldn't like him. I still

1759
01:02:37,829 --> 01:02:39,750
think it's an incompatibility. Walk the fuck away.

1760
01:02:39,750 --> 01:02:41,214
You're not gonna get what what you need

1761
01:02:41,214 --> 01:02:44,675
from this person. No. But if every conversation

1762
01:02:44,815 --> 01:02:47,214
over six months has been, yeah, we'll do

1763
01:02:47,214 --> 01:02:49,795
that. Yeah. We'll do that. And now this

1764
01:02:50,094 --> 01:02:53,074
now it's moving toward fuck you.

1765
01:02:53,375 --> 01:02:53,875
Yeah.

1766
01:02:54,255 --> 01:02:54,755
Motherfucker.

1767
01:02:55,934 --> 01:02:56,434
That

1768
01:02:59,019 --> 01:03:02,079
sounds like someone's being strung along. Absolutely.

1769
01:03:03,099 --> 01:03:05,099
And there's some kind of mind game there.

1770
01:03:05,099 --> 01:03:06,139
Alexia said it in,

1771
01:03:07,019 --> 01:03:09,579
live chat. It's evil. That statement, are you

1772
01:03:09,579 --> 01:03:11,974
sad because blank? It's almost like they're glad

1773
01:03:11,974 --> 01:03:14,055
or proud that their actions are causing hurt.

1774
01:03:14,055 --> 01:03:15,994
Like, they know what the fuck they're doing.

1775
01:03:16,055 --> 01:03:16,555
Mhmm.

1776
01:03:17,095 --> 01:03:19,414
Like, oh, is that bothering you? Yeah. It's

1777
01:03:19,414 --> 01:03:21,434
this power trip that's not

1778
01:03:22,949 --> 01:03:24,869
not a power exchange. It's almost like a

1779
01:03:24,949 --> 01:03:25,782
It's manipulative.

1780
01:03:26,197 --> 01:03:27,030
A misdirected,

1781
01:03:27,510 --> 01:03:28,010
sadistic,

1782
01:03:28,710 --> 01:03:31,369
Yeah. It's it's sadism without the consent. Yeah.

1783
01:03:31,429 --> 01:03:33,289
It's, you know, I'm getting this

1784
01:03:33,590 --> 01:03:35,510
something about this is, you know, doing it

1785
01:03:35,510 --> 01:03:36,589
for me, but I don't give a fuck

1786
01:03:36,710 --> 01:03:38,785
Yeah. What it's doing for you. You know,

1787
01:03:38,925 --> 01:03:40,305
at at at that point,

1788
01:03:40,844 --> 01:03:42,144
at at six months,

1789
01:03:42,844 --> 01:03:46,045
I wouldn't wanna hear, well, you know, let's

1790
01:03:46,045 --> 01:03:47,825
see, think about moving forward,

1791
01:03:48,285 --> 01:03:49,025
you know.

1792
01:03:49,405 --> 01:03:50,844
At that point, it'd be like, let's get

1793
01:03:50,844 --> 01:03:52,909
in the car and let's go find something.

1794
01:03:52,969 --> 01:03:55,069
Right. We're past that point. I'm thinking,

1795
01:03:55,449 --> 01:03:57,609
you know, I it would have been fine

1796
01:03:57,609 --> 01:03:59,210
if Do or do not. It would have

1797
01:03:59,210 --> 01:04:00,889
been fine if he'd been like, look, I

1798
01:04:00,889 --> 01:04:03,130
don't wanna do this this soon. Let's let's

1799
01:04:03,130 --> 01:04:04,304
get to some

1800
01:04:04,704 --> 01:04:06,864
later point. I don't fucking know. Yeah. And

1801
01:04:06,864 --> 01:04:08,144
and then once you hit that point, you're

1802
01:04:08,144 --> 01:04:09,744
like, okay. We've hit that point. Time to

1803
01:04:09,744 --> 01:04:11,684
reassess. What are you but

1804
01:04:12,625 --> 01:04:13,125
with

1805
01:04:13,425 --> 01:04:16,144
nothing like that. No honesty. No. No. No.

1806
01:04:16,144 --> 01:04:18,443
No. No. And to know that if it's

1807
01:04:18,656 --> 01:04:20,469
if like they're saying every couple of weeks,

1808
01:04:20,469 --> 01:04:22,710
well, now it's a pattern and Mhmm. This

1809
01:04:22,710 --> 01:04:25,530
motherfucker knows the pattern. Yeah. And it's somehow

1810
01:04:27,030 --> 01:04:28,630
I don't like to suppose what other people

1811
01:04:28,630 --> 01:04:31,109
are feeling, but my petty bitch side is

1812
01:04:31,109 --> 01:04:33,815
like this shitty shitty human is reveling in

1813
01:04:33,815 --> 01:04:36,714
it. It's a power trip that's not ethical

1814
01:04:37,014 --> 01:04:40,295
power changes, not responsible dominance. No. It's the

1815
01:04:40,295 --> 01:04:43,574
manipulative yucky power trip. Exactly. I have something

1816
01:04:43,574 --> 01:04:46,135
you want and we'll keep playing this game.

1817
01:04:46,135 --> 01:04:49,079
Right. That walk the fuck away. You can't

1818
01:04:49,079 --> 01:04:50,839
talk. You can't communicate your way through this.

1819
01:04:50,839 --> 01:04:52,139
You know what you know what that is?

1820
01:04:52,280 --> 01:04:54,440
You ever see the picture of the horse

1821
01:04:54,440 --> 01:04:56,199
with the carrot on the stand in front

1822
01:04:56,199 --> 01:04:57,880
of it? Yes. Yes. Always chasing that carrot,

1823
01:04:57,880 --> 01:04:59,799
but it never gets that damn never gets

1824
01:04:59,799 --> 01:05:01,960
it. Never gets it. It's always there chasing

1825
01:05:01,960 --> 01:05:04,065
chasing that damn carrot. Yep. This is not

1826
01:05:04,224 --> 01:05:06,224
there's nothing about this. It's like, woah. Communicate

1827
01:05:06,224 --> 01:05:09,184
deeper. Fuck that. You The communication was done.

1828
01:05:09,184 --> 01:05:10,804
Done multiple times.

1829
01:05:11,184 --> 01:05:12,484
Ad nauseam. Like,

1830
01:05:13,585 --> 01:05:15,585
if this was really about just not wanting

1831
01:05:15,585 --> 01:05:16,164
to collar

1832
01:05:16,559 --> 01:05:19,039
their partner Mhmm. At some point if that's

1833
01:05:19,039 --> 01:05:20,880
genuinely what it was at some point they

1834
01:05:20,880 --> 01:05:23,300
would have been like exasperated and gone.

1835
01:05:23,680 --> 01:05:25,199
You know there would have been some kind

1836
01:05:25,199 --> 01:05:26,400
of I don't wanna do this in the

1837
01:05:26,400 --> 01:05:28,160
first place. There have been some argument. There

1838
01:05:28,160 --> 01:05:28,994
have been some bullshit.

1839
01:05:30,675 --> 01:05:33,255
The lead leading this person on like this.

1840
01:05:34,115 --> 01:05:35,815
Yeah. This is

1841
01:05:36,115 --> 01:05:36,615
reminiscent

1842
01:05:37,795 --> 01:05:39,394
of what I see on the non kink

1843
01:05:39,394 --> 01:05:41,070
relationship side about these

1844
01:05:41,550 --> 01:05:43,570
men who want all the wifey privileges.

1845
01:05:43,869 --> 01:05:46,829
Mhmm. And even girlfriend privileges, but they don't

1846
01:05:46,829 --> 01:05:49,730
want the title. They don't want the exclusivity.

1847
01:05:50,110 --> 01:05:52,110
Oh, yeah. Oh. Really? You need to be

1848
01:05:52,110 --> 01:05:54,074
on my side of the algorithm when when

1849
01:05:54,074 --> 01:05:54,894
cis heterosexual

1850
01:05:55,275 --> 01:05:57,934
women start talking about these fucking men.

1851
01:05:59,195 --> 01:06:01,114
Yeah. No. I'm I'm missing all that. You

1852
01:06:01,114 --> 01:06:03,114
you be glad. You you'll just be very

1853
01:06:03,114 --> 01:06:03,614
annoyed.

1854
01:06:04,954 --> 01:06:05,695
But that's

1855
01:06:08,474 --> 01:06:08,974
yeah.

1856
01:06:09,339 --> 01:06:11,339
It does show you know, it proves that

1857
01:06:11,339 --> 01:06:13,119
kink side of things is not

1858
01:06:13,500 --> 01:06:15,500
immune from that. Mhmm. But it makes you

1859
01:06:15,500 --> 01:06:18,059
a shitty kinkster. Yeah. Because you're not being

1860
01:06:18,059 --> 01:06:20,400
honest. Nope. You are being manipulative.

1861
01:06:21,099 --> 01:06:21,599
Absolutely.

1862
01:06:22,859 --> 01:06:24,105
An nonconsensual

1863
01:06:24,565 --> 01:06:26,965
power trip. Mhmm. But, yeah, this person just

1864
01:06:26,965 --> 01:06:28,885
gotta, like, gotta go because they've done their

1865
01:06:28,885 --> 01:06:30,325
part. They did everything I would have told

1866
01:06:30,325 --> 01:06:31,144
them to do.

1867
01:06:32,005 --> 01:06:34,244
Mhmm. Sure. Are you sad because that

1868
01:06:35,840 --> 01:06:38,320
Yeah. Yep. I would've once I would have

1869
01:06:38,320 --> 01:06:39,599
calmed down from that, I had so many

1870
01:06:39,599 --> 01:06:41,360
fucking words If I said something like that

1871
01:06:41,360 --> 01:06:43,280
to you, you'd probably smack my head off

1872
01:06:43,280 --> 01:06:44,960
so fast. Well, you know what? I think

1873
01:06:44,960 --> 01:06:46,480
in the I know me. In the moment,

1874
01:06:46,480 --> 01:06:47,934
I'd be like, what the fuck was just

1875
01:06:47,934 --> 01:06:49,295
said? And it take me I have to

1876
01:06:49,295 --> 01:06:51,614
process. Right. But if I let myself get

1877
01:06:51,614 --> 01:06:53,855
spun up over it, oh oh, I'd be

1878
01:06:53,855 --> 01:06:55,295
like, can we There you go. Have a

1879
01:06:55,295 --> 01:06:57,454
conversation with you. No place that would be

1880
01:06:57,454 --> 01:06:58,514
safe for me.

1881
01:06:59,614 --> 01:07:01,295
I would like to sit down and talk

1882
01:07:01,295 --> 01:07:04,159
to you about something that's on my mind.

1883
01:07:04,219 --> 01:07:05,820
And I wouldn't be able to safe word

1884
01:07:05,820 --> 01:07:07,760
out of that one. No. Not that one.

1885
01:07:08,940 --> 01:07:10,320
No. Not that one.

1886
01:07:11,340 --> 01:07:11,840
Ugh.

1887
01:07:12,300 --> 01:07:15,280
Sometimes these folks. I know. It's it's it's

1888
01:07:15,500 --> 01:07:17,039
unbelievable what some of these

1889
01:07:17,804 --> 01:07:19,025
folks and what they

1890
01:07:19,484 --> 01:07:21,005
I'm kinda glad I saved the ramp for

1891
01:07:21,005 --> 01:07:22,525
the last one. I'm hot and sweaty now,

1892
01:07:22,525 --> 01:07:23,484
but at least I didn't have to sit

1893
01:07:23,484 --> 01:07:24,444
here and be hot and sweaty for the

1894
01:07:24,444 --> 01:07:25,984
whole thing. That's true. That's true.

1895
01:07:26,525 --> 01:07:28,625
Very true. So, yeah, a final judgment.

1896
01:07:29,964 --> 01:07:32,650
Get Get throw that motherfucker to the curb.

1897
01:07:32,710 --> 01:07:34,230
Mhmm. Throw them all the way in the

1898
01:07:34,230 --> 01:07:34,730
trash.

1899
01:07:36,150 --> 01:07:36,650
Just

1900
01:07:37,349 --> 01:07:37,849
gross.

1901
01:07:38,630 --> 01:07:39,130
Anyway,

1902
01:07:42,789 --> 01:07:43,289
so

1903
01:07:43,750 --> 01:07:45,670
that was the last That was the last

1904
01:07:45,670 --> 01:07:46,094
one.

1905
01:07:48,655 --> 01:07:50,414
I'm gonna double check because I had to

1906
01:07:50,414 --> 01:07:52,034
use weird when different

1907
01:07:52,335 --> 01:07:54,734
browsers to be able to see things because

1908
01:07:54,734 --> 01:07:56,914
Reddit didn't like us using Chrome.

1909
01:07:57,375 --> 01:08:00,094
So everything looks different. I'm double checking myself.

1910
01:08:00,094 --> 01:08:02,860
Did I get them all? Mhmm. Yep. Yep.

1911
01:08:02,860 --> 01:08:03,360
Yep.

1912
01:08:04,139 --> 01:08:06,940
Yep. Yep. Got them. Okay. So Alright. We

1913
01:08:06,940 --> 01:08:07,980
can be done and we can go into

1914
01:08:07,980 --> 01:08:10,300
the bonus section. That's it? We're good? Well,

1915
01:08:10,300 --> 01:08:12,139
I don't know about that. That's not for

1916
01:08:12,139 --> 01:08:12,880
me to say.

1917
01:08:14,380 --> 01:08:15,980
Keep it kinky, y'all. I will see you

1918
01:08:15,980 --> 01:08:16,274
next

1919
01:08:25,954 --> 01:08:26,935
week. Daddy.

1920
01:08:27,395 --> 01:08:28,994
Yes, baby girl. Can we talk to the

1921
01:08:28,994 --> 01:08:29,975
crickets, please?

1922
01:08:31,390 --> 01:08:33,170
Sure. Okay. Thanks. Okay.

1923
01:08:34,430 --> 01:08:35,489
What have I got?

1924
01:08:38,110 --> 01:08:39,090
What have I got?

1925
01:08:40,270 --> 01:08:41,810
I've been I've been working.

1926
01:08:42,110 --> 01:08:42,610
You

1927
01:08:42,989 --> 01:08:45,154
have. You you've been we both we've both

1928
01:08:45,154 --> 01:08:46,675
been doing a lot of that. I've been

1929
01:08:46,675 --> 01:08:48,354
focused. Yeah. I was I think I was

1930
01:08:48,354 --> 01:08:49,954
talking about that last week at the Friday

1931
01:08:49,954 --> 01:08:52,354
night livestream. I've been focused Mhmm. Which I

1932
01:08:52,354 --> 01:08:54,375
love, but that means I am way busier

1933
01:08:54,675 --> 01:08:56,114
because I know what I'm supposed to be

1934
01:08:56,114 --> 01:08:57,939
doing and I can do it. But what

1935
01:08:57,939 --> 01:09:00,579
I've learned is focus doesn't mean I still

1936
01:09:00,579 --> 01:09:02,579
remember shit. How many times have I been

1937
01:09:02,579 --> 01:09:04,979
to the grocery store this week? I know.

1938
01:09:04,979 --> 01:09:06,280
Something I forgot.

1939
01:09:09,715 --> 01:09:12,195
I know. But you're you're you are working

1940
01:09:12,195 --> 01:09:13,814
on a very big project

1941
01:09:14,354 --> 01:09:15,414
Which I with the Kinkery.

1942
01:09:15,715 --> 01:09:17,475
Knock on wood. It's going faster than I

1943
01:09:17,475 --> 01:09:19,074
fear. There will be a point where I

1944
01:09:19,074 --> 01:09:20,755
gets I I get backed up and slowed

1945
01:09:20,755 --> 01:09:22,775
down because something weird will happen. Yeah.

1946
01:09:24,050 --> 01:09:26,470
And even even myself, I've been

1947
01:09:27,010 --> 01:09:28,470
you know, I did that big restock

1948
01:09:30,050 --> 01:09:31,430
and and the Halloween.

1949
01:09:32,050 --> 01:09:33,650
And then I put out we put out

1950
01:09:33,650 --> 01:09:35,810
our demo video and blew up our little

1951
01:09:35,810 --> 01:09:38,210
kinky corner of the Internet. Whoo. The amount

1952
01:09:38,210 --> 01:09:40,715
of orders I normally, if you place an

1953
01:09:40,715 --> 01:09:43,694
order from Friday night at thekinkery,thekinkery.com

1954
01:09:43,914 --> 01:09:46,154
through Sunday night, early Monday morning, I will

1955
01:09:46,154 --> 01:09:48,554
process every one of those fucking things on

1956
01:09:48,554 --> 01:09:49,054
Monday.

1957
01:09:49,354 --> 01:09:50,734
We had so many.

1958
01:09:51,514 --> 01:09:54,420
I finished processing the last ones late last

1959
01:09:54,420 --> 01:09:57,239
night to box up today to mail out.

1960
01:09:57,699 --> 01:10:00,180
It was wild. Lola had something to say

1961
01:10:00,180 --> 01:10:01,940
about that. Because she usually does. Oh, she's

1962
01:10:01,940 --> 01:10:04,180
got her pity ears up. I mean, she's

1963
01:10:04,180 --> 01:10:05,940
got a resting bitch face, but her pity

1964
01:10:05,940 --> 01:10:07,739
ears Yeah. They are. They're like that little

1965
01:10:07,940 --> 01:10:09,645
Yeah. Quintessential Mhmm.

1966
01:10:10,425 --> 01:10:10,925
Yeah.

1967
01:10:11,945 --> 01:10:12,265
So

1968
01:10:12,824 --> 01:10:14,104
Well, yeah. But then you handed me a

1969
01:10:14,104 --> 01:10:15,545
whole bunch of paddles, so I'll get to

1970
01:10:15,545 --> 01:10:17,625
have those Yeah. I am. For this weekend.

1971
01:10:17,625 --> 01:10:20,265
I I did handed you one yeah. Little

1972
01:10:20,265 --> 01:10:21,085
pocket paddles.

1973
01:10:21,900 --> 01:10:23,600
Lola likes paddles too, apparently.

1974
01:10:24,220 --> 01:10:26,239
She certainly got thoughts on them. Right.

1975
01:10:26,619 --> 01:10:28,619
Ma'am, we'll get to it. We'll get to

1976
01:10:28,619 --> 01:10:29,420
it. And,

1977
01:10:30,300 --> 01:10:32,380
we're getting weeks of judgment from her cod.

1978
01:10:32,380 --> 01:10:35,199
She it's, what time is it? 08:11.

1979
01:10:36,225 --> 01:10:38,704
Her, her Her good treat. Her prime biscuit.

1980
01:10:38,704 --> 01:10:40,864
I mean, same girl. I made a sheet

1981
01:10:40,864 --> 01:10:43,185
cake, and my piece for tonight is waiting

1982
01:10:43,185 --> 01:10:45,264
on me as well. Okay? You don't see

1983
01:10:45,264 --> 01:10:46,645
me howling at everybody.

1984
01:10:47,750 --> 01:10:49,429
But, I know what I'm waiting on. Yeah.

1985
01:10:49,429 --> 01:10:51,350
I mean, I've been I've been working doing

1986
01:10:51,350 --> 01:10:52,550
a lot of stuff, you know, for the

1987
01:10:52,550 --> 01:10:54,789
kinkery. And then in between, I've been doing

1988
01:10:54,789 --> 01:10:55,850
stuff for my,

1989
01:10:57,429 --> 01:11:00,149
non kinky site. Mhmm. Which I've had to

1990
01:11:00,149 --> 01:11:02,475
ignore your Etsy shop so I can do

1991
01:11:02,475 --> 01:11:04,635
kinkery stuff. I know. I know. But you

1992
01:11:04,635 --> 01:11:06,875
did get all the Halloween Yes. Ornaments up

1993
01:11:06,875 --> 01:11:08,715
there on the site, which I'm very grateful

1994
01:11:08,715 --> 01:11:09,755
for. And,

1995
01:11:10,795 --> 01:11:12,795
now in between making paddles and all the

1996
01:11:12,795 --> 01:11:15,375
other stuff, I'm making Christmas ornaments.

1997
01:11:15,755 --> 01:11:16,255
Mhmm.

1998
01:11:16,560 --> 01:11:17,060
Mhmm.

1999
01:11:20,399 --> 01:11:22,479
Tayshu Tayshu said in live chat, my friend

2000
01:11:22,479 --> 01:11:24,319
sent me an Instagram clip about paddles not

2001
01:11:24,319 --> 01:11:26,399
realizing I know the kinkery well. No. Did

2002
01:11:26,399 --> 01:11:27,619
I tell the story

2003
01:11:28,079 --> 01:11:28,819
to y'all

2004
01:11:29,284 --> 01:11:31,844
about what happened with me and the 20

2005
01:11:31,844 --> 01:11:32,505
year old

2006
01:11:33,125 --> 01:11:35,444
with the kinkery? If I sell this story

2007
01:11:35,444 --> 01:11:35,944
already,

2008
01:11:36,484 --> 01:11:37,844
you got, like, a minute and a half,

2009
01:11:37,844 --> 01:11:39,045
two minutes to go do something else. For

2010
01:11:39,045 --> 01:11:40,324
anybody who has not heard the story, let

2011
01:11:40,324 --> 01:11:41,385
me tell this story.

2012
01:11:43,739 --> 01:11:45,659
I don't think I've heard this one. I

2013
01:11:45,659 --> 01:11:47,579
thought I told you. So this has been

2014
01:11:47,579 --> 01:11:48,399
weeks ago.

2015
01:11:49,100 --> 01:11:51,260
I get a text from the 20 year

2016
01:11:51,260 --> 01:11:51,760
old

2017
01:11:52,380 --> 01:11:53,280
that said

2018
01:11:54,300 --> 01:11:56,000
something to the effect of,

2019
01:11:57,005 --> 01:11:57,984
oh my god.

2020
01:11:58,444 --> 01:12:01,005
I just saw you on Instagram, meaning the

2021
01:12:01,005 --> 01:12:01,505
shop.

2022
01:12:02,444 --> 01:12:04,364
And I was like, well, I thought I

2023
01:12:04,364 --> 01:12:06,204
had you blocked. Like, you shouldn't be able

2024
01:12:06,204 --> 01:12:07,824
to see like, I thought I did that.

2025
01:12:08,444 --> 01:12:10,444
If you don't want to see us, just

2026
01:12:10,444 --> 01:12:14,369
block us. And he goes, no. A meme

2027
01:12:14,369 --> 01:12:15,269
you posted

2028
01:12:16,010 --> 01:12:16,510
about

2029
01:12:17,250 --> 01:12:19,409
praise kink and I think can't take a

2030
01:12:19,409 --> 01:12:22,389
compliment or praise kink and humiliation kink something.

2031
01:12:22,449 --> 01:12:23,829
One of those kinds of memes.

2032
01:12:24,130 --> 01:12:26,664
A friend of mine sent it to me

2033
01:12:26,664 --> 01:12:28,765
and it was the one you posted.

2034
01:12:30,425 --> 01:12:31,625
He was like, oh my god. I'm so

2035
01:12:31,625 --> 01:12:33,725
sorry. I remember that now. He goes, no.

2036
01:12:34,025 --> 01:12:34,525
Ivan

2037
01:12:34,905 --> 01:12:36,445
got to be the cool one.

2038
01:12:36,905 --> 01:12:39,244
When I said, oh, yeah. I know them.

2039
01:12:39,570 --> 01:12:40,869
That's my mom.

2040
01:12:44,770 --> 01:12:47,250
I was like, oh my god. Oh my

2041
01:12:47,250 --> 01:12:47,750
god.

2042
01:12:48,449 --> 01:12:50,229
And see and I know how the algorithm

2043
01:12:50,289 --> 01:12:51,010
works. It gets

2044
01:12:51,570 --> 01:12:53,090
if that gets shared to you, that account

2045
01:12:53,090 --> 01:12:55,314
gets shared to you, it's popping up in

2046
01:12:55,314 --> 01:12:56,454
your fucking feed

2047
01:12:56,835 --> 01:12:58,835
for a hot minute. Right. I was like,

2048
01:12:58,835 --> 01:13:00,195
oh my god. I'm so sorry. He goes,

2049
01:13:00,195 --> 01:13:00,695
no.

2050
01:13:01,395 --> 01:13:03,875
I don't mind now. He's like, because this

2051
01:13:03,875 --> 01:13:05,395
makes up for when I was in middle

2052
01:13:05,395 --> 01:13:07,715
school and got bullied for shit because, oh,

2053
01:13:07,715 --> 01:13:10,149
man, he had some shitty people around him

2054
01:13:10,289 --> 01:13:12,770
who were nosiest. Ugh. Awful people. He was

2055
01:13:12,770 --> 01:13:15,090
like, because now I look like the cool

2056
01:13:15,090 --> 01:13:17,510
one because you're my mom.

2057
01:13:18,130 --> 01:13:20,710
Oh, are we having upset tummy? Nope. Oh.

2058
01:13:21,010 --> 01:13:22,545
These are on the floor. She went right

2059
01:13:22,545 --> 01:13:24,005
to them. Yeah. No,

2060
01:13:24,385 --> 01:13:24,945
ma'am. So

2061
01:13:26,385 --> 01:13:26,885
yeah.

2062
01:13:27,265 --> 01:13:30,145
For, like, five seconds, I was mortified, but

2063
01:13:30,145 --> 01:13:32,704
he thought that I was kind of okay

2064
01:13:32,704 --> 01:13:33,204
because

2065
01:13:33,585 --> 01:13:36,725
my the meme I posted made him cool,

2066
01:13:37,710 --> 01:13:38,449
Question mark?

2067
01:13:39,710 --> 01:13:41,229
I didn't have the heart to tell him

2068
01:13:41,229 --> 01:13:43,550
that, oh, yeah. We get orders from your

2069
01:13:43,550 --> 01:13:44,529
college town.

2070
01:13:44,989 --> 01:13:46,369
Oh, wow. Semi regularly.

2071
01:13:49,975 --> 01:13:52,295
We even, vended at a play party up

2072
01:13:52,295 --> 01:13:54,555
there. We did. I know. I did say

2073
01:13:55,414 --> 01:13:57,814
if my child ever walked into a kink

2074
01:13:57,814 --> 01:13:58,875
space where I was,

2075
01:13:59,654 --> 01:14:01,734
I wouldn't I would men all need to

2076
01:14:01,734 --> 01:14:03,435
sit down for a second,

2077
01:14:03,975 --> 01:14:05,274
but I'm not sure.

2078
01:14:05,640 --> 01:14:07,399
I'm I think you need a stiff drink.

2079
01:14:07,640 --> 01:14:10,600
Emotionally mature enough to share a kink space

2080
01:14:10,600 --> 01:14:12,939
with my kid. There are people who can.

2081
01:14:13,640 --> 01:14:16,060
Good on you. I'm so happy for you.

2082
01:14:16,199 --> 01:14:17,719
There are parts of my life I would

2083
01:14:17,719 --> 01:14:20,845
like to keep separate. The mom me and

2084
01:14:20,845 --> 01:14:22,305
the kinky bitch me.

2085
01:14:22,765 --> 01:14:25,024
I want them separate. Thank you very much.

2086
01:14:25,885 --> 01:14:27,725
But, yeah, he he got to be cool

2087
01:14:27,725 --> 01:14:29,024
because he knew

2088
01:14:29,645 --> 01:14:32,045
the person was related to the person had

2089
01:14:32,045 --> 01:14:33,505
been birthed by the person

2090
01:14:34,045 --> 01:14:34,560
who posted

2091
01:14:35,920 --> 01:14:36,420
God.

2092
01:14:37,840 --> 01:14:40,319
Okay. That's good. That's way better than when

2093
01:14:40,560 --> 01:14:42,420
Oh, bless you. One of our demo videos

2094
01:14:43,119 --> 01:14:45,539
hits the wrong side of the algorithm. Mhmm.

2095
01:14:47,199 --> 01:14:49,520
So I'll take that. But yeah. Yeah. I

2096
01:14:49,520 --> 01:14:51,315
got we we both got to mutually be

2097
01:14:51,315 --> 01:14:52,534
cool for a couple of seconds.

2098
01:14:53,074 --> 01:14:53,574
Nice.

2099
01:14:54,675 --> 01:14:55,175
So

2100
01:14:56,355 --> 01:14:56,855
yeah.

2101
01:14:58,675 --> 01:14:59,975
No. I I

2102
01:15:00,595 --> 01:15:02,435
I think it's because at the time, I

2103
01:15:02,435 --> 01:15:03,255
couldn't remember

2104
01:15:04,010 --> 01:15:05,530
the 20 year old's handle. That might be

2105
01:15:05,530 --> 01:15:07,310
why I didn't block them because I know

2106
01:15:08,250 --> 01:15:10,489
the other parts of my vanilla family, their

2107
01:15:10,489 --> 01:15:12,489
their Facebook handle will be the same as

2108
01:15:12,489 --> 01:15:15,289
their Instagram, blah blah blah. And I sure

2109
01:15:15,289 --> 01:15:18,335
as shit went through and block block oh,

2110
01:15:18,335 --> 01:15:20,274
nope. Stay out of my account.

2111
01:15:25,454 --> 01:15:28,015
So oh, somebody has her zoomies. I think

2112
01:15:28,015 --> 01:15:29,854
she thinks if she plays, that she will

2113
01:15:29,854 --> 01:15:31,215
get her t r e a t a

2114
01:15:31,215 --> 01:15:31,954
little sooner.

2115
01:15:33,659 --> 01:15:34,860
One day we might be able to do

2116
01:15:34,860 --> 01:15:37,340
the Lola cam now that we're using updated

2117
01:15:37,340 --> 01:15:37,840
software,

2118
01:15:38,300 --> 01:15:39,820
and I would love for y'all to see

2119
01:15:39,820 --> 01:15:40,320
Lola

2120
01:15:40,940 --> 01:15:43,760
have the zoomies. Right. She's adorable. I mean,

2121
01:15:44,780 --> 01:15:46,000
look, like like

2122
01:15:47,875 --> 01:15:50,275
many, an older lady with a little extra

2123
01:15:50,275 --> 01:15:52,034
weight, she can only do it for so

2124
01:15:52,034 --> 01:15:53,895
long before she gets tired.

2125
01:15:54,195 --> 01:15:55,735
But while she's zooming,

2126
01:15:56,114 --> 01:15:56,935
she's adorable.

2127
01:15:58,229 --> 01:15:58,729
So

2128
01:16:02,069 --> 01:16:02,569
yeah.

2129
01:16:05,909 --> 01:16:07,510
I thought we were gonna get to go

2130
01:16:07,510 --> 01:16:09,449
see the 20 year old perform this weekend.

2131
01:16:09,590 --> 01:16:10,090
Yeah.

2132
01:16:10,485 --> 01:16:12,085
He's not performing, so I don't get to

2133
01:16:12,085 --> 01:16:14,164
go. I mean, there's nothing stopping me from

2134
01:16:14,164 --> 01:16:16,164
driving forty five minutes that direction except that

2135
01:16:16,164 --> 01:16:17,685
I don't want to if there's not a

2136
01:16:17,685 --> 01:16:18,905
reason to go.

2137
01:16:21,604 --> 01:16:23,300
So I guess I thought that was gonna

2138
01:16:23,300 --> 01:16:24,579
be my Saturday. So I guess I'll just

2139
01:16:24,579 --> 01:16:26,340
work on Saturday since I am working on

2140
01:16:26,340 --> 01:16:27,779
that big project. I'm I And there is

2141
01:16:27,779 --> 01:16:29,460
technically a deadline that we want to try

2142
01:16:29,460 --> 01:16:31,239
and meet for that merchant. Mhmm.

2143
01:16:31,699 --> 01:16:33,619
You know, I get And I'm probably gonna

2144
01:16:33,619 --> 01:16:35,380
work this weekend too. I got stuff I

2145
01:16:35,380 --> 01:16:37,000
wanna do. You would think

2146
01:16:37,364 --> 01:16:39,204
that when you work for yourself, you don't

2147
01:16:39,204 --> 01:16:41,125
really have that many deadlines. But if you

2148
01:16:41,364 --> 01:16:44,404
I have found in my professional life that

2149
01:16:44,404 --> 01:16:46,744
if I do not impose a deadline, sometimes

2150
01:16:46,805 --> 01:16:48,505
not a fucking thing gets done.

2151
01:16:48,805 --> 01:16:52,569
This deadline is semi imposed because I'm trying

2152
01:16:52,569 --> 01:16:53,789
to beat a certain

2153
01:16:54,649 --> 01:16:55,550
billing date

2154
01:16:56,329 --> 01:16:58,489
to have something done prior to that billing

2155
01:16:58,489 --> 01:17:00,409
date because I don't wanna pay full price

2156
01:17:00,409 --> 01:17:02,090
for something I'm not using. I will pay

2157
01:17:02,090 --> 01:17:03,795
full price for it if I'm using it.

2158
01:17:03,954 --> 01:17:05,795
Right. But while I'm still in the discount

2159
01:17:05,795 --> 01:17:06,295
period,

2160
01:17:07,395 --> 01:17:09,795
that I don't wanna still be building a

2161
01:17:09,795 --> 01:17:12,034
thing Right. And be like, there's a whole

2162
01:17:12,034 --> 01:17:13,975
thing. Anyway, self imposed deadlines

2163
01:17:15,314 --> 01:17:16,935
and soft deadlines from

2164
01:17:17,520 --> 01:17:18,420
billing departments

2165
01:17:19,760 --> 01:17:21,699
can really help sometimes. Yeah.

2166
01:17:23,680 --> 01:17:24,180
But

2167
01:17:24,560 --> 01:17:26,020
what else is going on?

2168
01:17:27,920 --> 01:17:30,560
I got to do chemistry lab in for

2169
01:17:30,560 --> 01:17:31,780
tenth grader today.

2170
01:17:32,414 --> 01:17:33,954
We set things on fire.

2171
01:17:35,215 --> 01:17:35,715
Homeschool

2172
01:17:36,175 --> 01:17:38,814
got more interesting this year. Chemistry is one

2173
01:17:38,814 --> 01:17:41,935
of the classes. Mhmm. And it's like the

2174
01:17:41,935 --> 01:17:44,460
kind of chemistry homeschool curriculum that

2175
01:17:46,539 --> 01:17:47,439
meets the,

2176
01:17:48,460 --> 01:17:48,960
credentials

2177
01:17:49,340 --> 01:17:52,460
required to be considered a genuinely, like, hands

2178
01:17:52,460 --> 01:17:55,739
on lab focused homeschool class. So we gotta

2179
01:17:55,739 --> 01:17:57,315
we gotta stand in our kitchen and do

2180
01:17:57,315 --> 01:17:58,295
shit. And today,

2181
01:17:58,755 --> 01:18:01,475
it was set boric acid, cream of tartar,

2182
01:18:01,475 --> 01:18:02,935
and salt on fire.

2183
01:18:03,314 --> 01:18:04,295
Not on fire.

2184
01:18:04,755 --> 01:18:06,515
But I I worked the flame and the

2185
01:18:06,515 --> 01:18:08,835
kid was, like, doing this stuff. I was

2186
01:18:09,555 --> 01:18:10,055
see,

2187
01:18:10,994 --> 01:18:13,329
I have fallen in to that

2188
01:18:14,670 --> 01:18:15,170
cliche

2189
01:18:15,710 --> 01:18:17,630
that the youngest is my baby, and the

2190
01:18:17,630 --> 01:18:19,309
youngest has had health problems, and the youngest

2191
01:18:19,309 --> 01:18:20,750
is this, and the youngest is that. So

2192
01:18:20,750 --> 01:18:23,710
I cling tightly to that's my baby, and

2193
01:18:23,710 --> 01:18:25,725
I do a lot for them that I

2194
01:18:25,725 --> 01:18:27,984
should probably do less of. And I recognize

2195
01:18:28,045 --> 01:18:29,885
I have a problem. But when it comes

2196
01:18:29,885 --> 01:18:30,545
to schoolwork,

2197
01:18:31,404 --> 01:18:31,904
not

2198
01:18:32,284 --> 01:18:34,524
not for one, nary one child have I

2199
01:18:34,524 --> 01:18:36,685
ever done their schoolwork for them. Mhmm. When

2200
01:18:36,685 --> 01:18:38,579
they turn projects in as little children in

2201
01:18:38,579 --> 01:18:40,659
elementary school, you could tell a small child

2202
01:18:40,659 --> 01:18:42,600
did that, not the rest of the projects.

2203
01:18:42,979 --> 01:18:44,739
Give them assistance when they need it. I'm

2204
01:18:44,739 --> 01:18:46,739
not a parent that does the thing No.

2205
01:18:46,899 --> 01:18:48,600
For the kid. So

2206
01:18:49,060 --> 01:18:50,100
I know I had to go get the

2207
01:18:50,100 --> 01:18:50,534
supplies,

2208
01:18:51,095 --> 01:18:52,454
but we were standing there. I'm like, we'll

2209
01:18:52,454 --> 01:18:53,354
read your directions.

2210
01:18:53,814 --> 01:18:55,895
Okay. And I, like, I did what I

2211
01:18:55,895 --> 01:18:57,755
think a teacher kind of sort of does,

2212
01:18:58,695 --> 01:19:01,175
you know, except not times 30. And I

2213
01:19:01,175 --> 01:19:02,314
controlled the flame,

2214
01:19:02,695 --> 01:19:04,695
but they did everything else. Mhmm. But it

2215
01:19:04,695 --> 01:19:06,569
was fun. I was like, why couldn't it

2216
01:19:06,569 --> 01:19:08,989
be this fun when I was in chemistry?

2217
01:19:11,210 --> 01:19:12,909
I'm not. Oh, goodness.

2218
01:19:13,289 --> 01:19:15,789
So yeah. We got to do now

2219
01:19:16,329 --> 01:19:18,889
were they pissed? Because I decided the time

2220
01:19:18,889 --> 01:19:20,349
when they were going to do

2221
01:19:20,824 --> 01:19:23,225
their lab work and not we have a

2222
01:19:23,304 --> 01:19:25,704
an agreed upon negotiated, like, here's when I'll

2223
01:19:25,704 --> 01:19:26,925
do schoolwork thing.

2224
01:19:27,304 --> 01:19:28,744
I was like, nope. You're on my time

2225
01:19:28,744 --> 01:19:30,505
right now, and I got shit to do.

2226
01:19:30,505 --> 01:19:33,385
Let's go burn some shit. So but that

2227
01:19:33,385 --> 01:19:34,045
was fun.

2228
01:19:36,280 --> 01:19:36,439
So

2229
01:19:37,239 --> 01:19:37,739
Yeah.

2230
01:19:38,520 --> 01:19:39,900
Yeah. Yeah. I'm

2231
01:19:40,439 --> 01:19:42,619
you know, talking about the the cooler weather

2232
01:19:43,320 --> 01:19:46,199
earlier. I'm just getting anxious to get out

2233
01:19:46,199 --> 01:19:48,199
on the bike again a little bit. I'm

2234
01:19:48,199 --> 01:19:49,960
getting anxious for you to get out on

2235
01:19:49,960 --> 01:19:52,494
the bike as well Yeah. Because right as

2236
01:19:52,494 --> 01:19:53,795
the weather started turning

2237
01:19:55,215 --> 01:19:57,135
earlier this year, that was when I went

2238
01:19:57,295 --> 01:19:59,054
just before it turned, I was like, I

2239
01:19:59,054 --> 01:20:01,054
think I wanna try again. I think maybe

2240
01:20:01,054 --> 01:20:04,274
I won't cry above 25 miles per hour.

2241
01:20:05,770 --> 01:20:07,550
Look. The thing I will say about

2242
01:20:07,850 --> 01:20:10,569
anxiety and I I there's no universal. Everybody

2243
01:20:10,569 --> 01:20:12,090
has their own experience of it if you

2244
01:20:12,090 --> 01:20:13,389
even experience, like,

2245
01:20:14,569 --> 01:20:15,630
constant anxiety.

2246
01:20:16,409 --> 01:20:17,469
In my mind,

2247
01:20:18,274 --> 01:20:20,835
once I know the thing I fear can

2248
01:20:20,835 --> 01:20:21,335
happen

2249
01:20:21,635 --> 01:20:24,755
because it has happened, it's very difficult to

2250
01:20:24,755 --> 01:20:28,454
convince myself it won't happen again. Mhmm. Now,

2251
01:20:28,515 --> 01:20:30,539
can't do am I better prepared to get

2252
01:20:30,539 --> 01:20:32,619
through it if it does happen? Yeah. Because

2253
01:20:32,619 --> 01:20:34,319
now I've lived it and I'm like, okay.

2254
01:20:34,619 --> 01:20:36,220
We will fall back on that experience. I

2255
01:20:36,220 --> 01:20:38,220
will do things better the second time around.

2256
01:20:38,220 --> 01:20:40,079
But I still don't want it to happen.

2257
01:20:40,859 --> 01:20:43,500
And motorcycle accidents are right up there on

2258
01:20:43,500 --> 01:20:45,805
my list of things I don't wanna happen

2259
01:20:45,805 --> 01:20:46,305
again.

2260
01:20:47,005 --> 01:20:50,045
Yeah. But now that we've experienced one, I

2261
01:20:50,045 --> 01:20:51,805
can't my brain cannot turn off the fact

2262
01:20:51,805 --> 01:20:52,704
that it's possible.

2263
01:20:54,524 --> 01:20:55,965
But I do know I think for me,

2264
01:20:55,965 --> 01:20:58,625
it's gonna be kind of a light, not

2265
01:20:59,579 --> 01:21:00,079
professionally,

2266
01:21:00,619 --> 01:21:01,520
like, whatever,

2267
01:21:03,100 --> 01:21:04,380
exposure therapy. I'm gonna have to do it

2268
01:21:04,380 --> 01:21:05,979
a little bit at a time and gain

2269
01:21:05,979 --> 01:21:08,939
that confidence back. But I by right as

2270
01:21:08,939 --> 01:21:10,539
summer was starting, I wanted to. I was

2271
01:21:10,539 --> 01:21:12,140
like, yeah. I think I do. Let's do

2272
01:21:12,140 --> 01:21:14,204
this. Because I wanna go back to being

2273
01:21:14,204 --> 01:21:16,145
how we were back in the day

2274
01:21:16,604 --> 01:21:18,045
when I was on the back of your

2275
01:21:18,045 --> 01:21:20,284
bike, and we were looking all cute together.

2276
01:21:20,284 --> 01:21:21,805
You know, I don't know what it looks

2277
01:21:21,805 --> 01:21:23,265
like now as we're

2278
01:21:24,204 --> 01:21:25,725
we don't look like we did back in

2279
01:21:25,725 --> 01:21:27,164
the day when we used to change that

2280
01:21:27,164 --> 01:21:28,704
way. Because we're older and wider.

2281
01:21:29,630 --> 01:21:31,949
And needed a bigger bike. Yes. Part of

2282
01:21:31,949 --> 01:21:33,630
like, you know what? We you got the

2283
01:21:33,630 --> 01:21:35,090
Can Am because of your back.

2284
01:21:35,470 --> 01:21:38,109
But I do appreciate having a comfier seat.

2285
01:21:38,109 --> 01:21:40,670
Oh, I'm I'm sure. I'm sure. I don't

2286
01:21:40,670 --> 01:21:42,510
know if I'd want want a picture of

2287
01:21:42,510 --> 01:21:44,184
my ass hanging off your arm.

2288
01:21:44,804 --> 01:21:47,125
Even even prior to that, I was I

2289
01:21:47,125 --> 01:21:49,444
had been even thinking, you know, prior to

2290
01:21:49,444 --> 01:21:52,005
the accident at that point, I was kind

2291
01:21:52,005 --> 01:21:53,804
of thinking it'd be nice to upgrade Mhmm.

2292
01:21:53,925 --> 01:21:56,090
And get something like a Goldwing. We'd been

2293
01:21:56,090 --> 01:21:57,770
looking. Yeah. You know, we we kind of

2294
01:21:57,770 --> 01:21:59,130
had looked at them a little bit. And,

2295
01:21:59,130 --> 01:22:00,729
you know, they have the com very comfortable

2296
01:22:01,050 --> 01:22:02,969
Mhmm. Passengers. I know. I had already been,

2297
01:22:02,969 --> 01:22:06,170
like, anticipating one day having, like yeah. It

2298
01:22:06,170 --> 01:22:08,250
was more of the balancing thing anymore than

2299
01:22:08,250 --> 01:22:08,750
anything.

2300
01:22:09,210 --> 01:22:11,295
Yep. I'll never forget the day you were

2301
01:22:11,295 --> 01:22:13,534
you you were working yourself up to believe

2302
01:22:13,534 --> 01:22:15,215
you could never get on a motorcycle again.

2303
01:22:15,215 --> 01:22:16,435
And I was like, well,

2304
01:22:16,895 --> 01:22:18,734
why does that have to have two wheels?

2305
01:22:18,734 --> 01:22:20,975
Can't you get one with more wheels? The

2306
01:22:20,975 --> 01:22:23,154
balance let's take the balancing out of it.

2307
01:22:24,030 --> 01:22:25,869
I've already got things on my mind that

2308
01:22:25,869 --> 01:22:28,030
I wanna search to see if I there's

2309
01:22:28,030 --> 01:22:29,310
something out there to help you get back

2310
01:22:29,310 --> 01:22:30,670
into other things I know you love to

2311
01:22:30,670 --> 01:22:32,350
do. I'm not telling you because I don't

2312
01:22:32,350 --> 01:22:34,189
wanna ruin the surprise. And or I don't

2313
01:22:34,189 --> 01:22:35,470
want you to bring me down when you

2314
01:22:35,470 --> 01:22:37,010
tell me there's nothing out there.

2315
01:22:37,905 --> 01:22:39,104
So I gotta go do the search on

2316
01:22:39,104 --> 01:22:40,005
my own, but

2317
01:22:40,545 --> 01:22:42,405
if I find it, I'll let you know.

2318
01:22:42,944 --> 01:22:43,444
Okay.

2319
01:22:44,385 --> 01:22:44,885
K.

2320
01:22:51,260 --> 01:22:53,520
Could we just make eyes of one another

2321
01:22:54,380 --> 01:22:57,199
for the next twenty minutes probably? Yeah.

2322
01:22:58,060 --> 01:22:59,979
But I would like my piece of cake.

2323
01:22:59,979 --> 01:23:03,100
Mhmm. And I think we're gonna watch, Jimmy

2324
01:23:03,100 --> 01:23:03,600
Kimmel's,

2325
01:23:04,140 --> 01:23:04,640
return

2326
01:23:05,604 --> 01:23:06,104
to

2327
01:23:07,925 --> 01:23:10,085
TV monologue. Yeah. I've already watched it, but

2328
01:23:10,085 --> 01:23:11,445
I told JB, I was like, it's so

2329
01:23:11,445 --> 01:23:13,204
good. Let's watch it again. I've seen a

2330
01:23:13,204 --> 01:23:14,885
couple clips, but, yeah, I do I do

2331
01:23:14,885 --> 01:23:16,104
wanna watch it again.

2332
01:23:16,725 --> 01:23:18,505
Or all of it, I should say. Yeah.

2333
01:23:18,885 --> 01:23:21,369
Yeah. If, when I woke up this morning

2334
01:23:22,090 --> 01:23:23,449
not woke up. When I watched it this

2335
01:23:23,449 --> 01:23:25,289
morning, it was like 09:00. Mhmm. It had

2336
01:23:25,289 --> 01:23:28,270
over 9,000,000 views. When I went back and

2337
01:23:28,970 --> 01:23:30,650
saw it again or something, was looking at

2338
01:23:30,650 --> 01:23:31,949
something in my feed,

2339
01:23:32,570 --> 01:23:33,310
it had

2340
01:23:34,054 --> 01:23:35,014
17,000,000

2341
01:23:35,014 --> 01:23:35,514
views.

2342
01:23:35,895 --> 01:23:36,534
15,000,000

2343
01:23:36,774 --> 01:23:37,675
it, like, was

2344
01:23:37,975 --> 01:23:40,854
a crazy big number. 75,000

2345
01:23:40,854 --> 01:23:43,494
comments. Now, I know somewhere in that 75,000

2346
01:23:43,494 --> 01:23:45,835
was some negativity because, of course, there was.

2347
01:23:46,140 --> 01:23:46,640
But

2348
01:23:47,260 --> 01:23:49,500
the the comment gods were blessing me because

2349
01:23:49,500 --> 01:23:51,020
I was scrolling through comments to see what

2350
01:23:51,020 --> 01:23:52,880
people were saying, and they were overwhelmingly

2351
01:23:53,420 --> 01:23:55,899
positive. It's like when I when we watched

2352
01:23:55,899 --> 01:23:56,719
Jon Stewart,

2353
01:23:57,020 --> 01:23:59,179
The Daily Show on Thursday when he did

2354
01:23:59,179 --> 01:23:59,654
the,

2355
01:24:00,774 --> 01:24:04,454
administration approved episodes. God laughed at myself. Sick.

2356
01:24:04,454 --> 01:24:06,534
I know. Because I didn't wanna cry. Yeah.

2357
01:24:06,534 --> 01:24:07,594
And that video

2358
01:24:08,774 --> 01:24:11,255
got, like, within a few not that long

2359
01:24:11,255 --> 01:24:13,255
had 10,000,000 views and a shit ton of

2360
01:24:13,255 --> 01:24:15,229
positive comments. And and you know, just to

2361
01:24:15,229 --> 01:24:15,729
show

2362
01:24:16,110 --> 01:24:16,610
how,

2363
01:24:20,030 --> 01:24:21,970
and I can't think of the word shit.

2364
01:24:23,470 --> 01:24:23,970
But,

2365
01:24:24,590 --> 01:24:26,130
you know, how people are

2366
01:24:26,585 --> 01:24:28,925
really reacting. You know, they've said there's some,

2367
01:24:30,024 --> 01:24:32,744
affiliates that refuse to carry it. They're big

2368
01:24:32,744 --> 01:24:34,345
cities where they're not showing up. Yeah. That's

2369
01:24:34,345 --> 01:24:35,085
so weird.

2370
01:24:35,465 --> 01:24:37,164
You know what people started doing?

2371
01:24:37,545 --> 01:24:40,045
They started watching the channels that,

2372
01:24:40,590 --> 01:24:43,569
you know, seeing who their advertisers are. Yes.

2373
01:24:43,949 --> 01:24:45,949
And contacting their advertisers. And started contacting their

2374
01:24:45,949 --> 01:24:46,449
advertisers.

2375
01:24:46,750 --> 01:24:48,750
An account, I highly recommend if you just

2376
01:24:48,750 --> 01:24:50,350
want somebody who's not trying to get your

2377
01:24:50,350 --> 01:24:52,125
blood pressure up, but they talk about

2378
01:24:52,524 --> 01:24:53,345
current events,

2379
01:24:55,645 --> 01:24:57,664
Amanda's mild takes.

2380
01:24:58,604 --> 01:25:00,364
We follow her on Instagram. I know she's

2381
01:25:00,364 --> 01:25:01,024
on TikTok.

2382
01:25:01,484 --> 01:25:03,645
I want to subscribe to her Substack. Like,

2383
01:25:03,645 --> 01:25:04,845
I would be willing to pay for her

2384
01:25:04,845 --> 01:25:06,710
Substack because I like her shit that much.

2385
01:25:06,710 --> 01:25:07,750
Yeah. I haven't looked to see how much

2386
01:25:07,750 --> 01:25:09,369
it is though, so I don't know. Anyway,

2387
01:25:09,750 --> 01:25:11,189
she did a thing where she,

2388
01:25:11,590 --> 01:25:14,489
shared the template she's using to email advertisers

2389
01:25:14,869 --> 01:25:16,710
because she said, you can call the affiliates,

2390
01:25:16,710 --> 01:25:18,170
but they don't care. That's ideological

2391
01:25:18,550 --> 01:25:20,055
for them. They're not gonna change their mind.

2392
01:25:20,055 --> 01:25:21,655
Mind. Exactly. She was like, so you gotta

2393
01:25:21,655 --> 01:25:22,795
hit them where it hurts

2394
01:25:23,335 --> 01:25:24,475
and let their advertisers

2395
01:25:24,854 --> 01:25:27,255
know what's happening. She said she'd already gotten

2396
01:25:27,255 --> 01:25:29,095
at least one response of, oh, I didn't

2397
01:25:29,095 --> 01:25:30,854
know that and we will be fixing that.

2398
01:25:30,854 --> 01:25:32,295
And I was like, okay, let's see if

2399
01:25:32,295 --> 01:25:34,800
it really happens. Right? Yeah. Anyway

2400
01:25:36,000 --> 01:25:36,500
Anyhoo.

2401
01:25:37,039 --> 01:25:39,539
Yeah. So As the world burns.

2402
01:25:41,279 --> 01:25:43,760
We have to find moments of joy. Yeah.

2403
01:25:43,760 --> 01:25:44,659
Or at least

2404
01:25:45,520 --> 01:25:46,979
I'll find moments of joy.

2405
01:25:47,840 --> 01:25:50,099
Chocolate cake. Yeah. Jimmy Kimmel.

2406
01:25:50,775 --> 01:25:52,534
I never I didn't really didn't watch Jimmy

2407
01:25:52,534 --> 01:25:54,295
Kimmel before. I like Stephen Colbert. I like

2408
01:25:54,295 --> 01:25:56,534
John Stewart. I love John Oliver. Oh, my

2409
01:25:56,534 --> 01:25:57,034
God.

2410
01:25:58,454 --> 01:26:00,295
But I watching the monologue, I was like,

2411
01:26:00,295 --> 01:26:02,015
oh, maybe I should be watching Jimmy Kimmel.

2412
01:26:02,015 --> 01:26:03,975
I used I used to revel in late

2413
01:26:03,975 --> 01:26:05,840
night TV. I never did. It was never

2414
01:26:05,840 --> 01:26:08,079
really I I, you know, Saturday Night Live,

2415
01:26:08,079 --> 01:26:08,880
I Mhmm.

2416
01:26:09,359 --> 01:26:13,139
The Johnny Carson show. Mhmm. And, David Letterman.

2417
01:26:13,279 --> 01:26:15,619
You know? Yeah. Mhmm. And I I

2418
01:26:17,534 --> 01:26:19,694
I I'm I'm lucky to make it 10:00

2419
01:26:19,694 --> 01:26:22,175
most nights anymore. Well, yeah. Well, I watch

2420
01:26:22,175 --> 01:26:24,755
it. Look, we do not watch John Oliver

2421
01:26:24,814 --> 01:26:28,094
on HBO when it comes out. That's 11:00

2422
01:26:28,094 --> 01:26:30,489
at night. Sunday night, our time, we're too

2423
01:26:30,489 --> 01:26:32,250
old for that. We watch it the next

2424
01:26:32,250 --> 01:26:34,170
day at about 7PM.

2425
01:26:34,170 --> 01:26:34,670
Yep.

2426
01:26:36,489 --> 01:26:38,489
Mhmm. Yeah. Now the first time I really

2427
01:26:38,489 --> 01:26:38,989
like

2428
01:26:39,289 --> 01:26:41,609
it wasn't late night, but it was the

2429
01:26:41,609 --> 01:26:43,289
kind of the same thing, was The Daily

2430
01:26:43,289 --> 01:26:44,414
Show when I was in college.

2431
01:26:44,975 --> 01:26:47,395
And then we that and,

2432
01:26:49,534 --> 01:26:51,534
South Park religiously. Oh, yeah. South Park. That's

2433
01:26:51,534 --> 01:26:53,055
when I started watching that. Because I was

2434
01:26:53,055 --> 01:26:54,895
like, oh, I'm watching Comedy Central. But I

2435
01:26:54,895 --> 01:26:56,255
didn't watch any of the rest. The other

2436
01:26:56,255 --> 01:26:57,614
one I used to watch all the time

2437
01:26:57,614 --> 01:26:59,190
too on comedies I think it was comedy

2438
01:26:59,350 --> 01:27:01,690
Adult Swim. I never watched that, but yeah.

2439
01:27:02,070 --> 01:27:03,350
I don't know. I don't think it was

2440
01:27:03,350 --> 01:27:04,789
on Comedy Central, but, yeah, Adult Swim. I

2441
01:27:04,789 --> 01:27:06,550
know what you're talking about. Whatever. Cartoon Network.

2442
01:27:06,550 --> 01:27:09,190
Cartoon Network. Maybe. I don't I don't remember,

2443
01:27:09,190 --> 01:27:11,610
but, yeah. I Adult Swim. To watch.

2444
01:27:12,015 --> 01:27:14,255
I watch Jon Stewart when it's Jon Stewart

2445
01:27:14,255 --> 01:27:16,375
on daily show. Mhmm. And then every once

2446
01:27:16,375 --> 01:27:18,515
in a while, I'll I like watching reels

2447
01:27:18,814 --> 01:27:21,215
that were originally TikToks, I'm sure, of Stephen

2448
01:27:21,215 --> 01:27:23,774
Colbert. I usually find those very funny. But

2449
01:27:23,774 --> 01:27:25,180
if I'm gonna watch any of that stuff,

2450
01:27:25,180 --> 01:27:26,960
it's probably gonna be on YouTube.

2451
01:27:27,420 --> 01:27:29,420
You know? And I'm getting clips, but then

2452
01:27:29,420 --> 01:27:29,579
I'm

2453
01:27:30,220 --> 01:27:32,699
the fluff tends to be Yeah. Knocked out.

2454
01:27:32,699 --> 01:27:33,920
Yeah. So,

2455
01:27:35,979 --> 01:27:37,039
Teshu, I

2456
01:27:37,534 --> 01:27:39,935
might have seen that speech, but maybe not.

2457
01:27:39,935 --> 01:27:41,154
I know. So

2458
01:27:41,454 --> 01:27:43,074
for anybody who can't see live chat,

2459
01:27:43,454 --> 01:27:45,295
Teshu asked, have you seen Oliver's speech for

2460
01:27:45,295 --> 01:27:47,375
John Stewart receiving the Mark Twain award? I

2461
01:27:47,375 --> 01:27:47,875
remember

2462
01:27:48,255 --> 01:27:50,335
John Stewart receiving the Mark Twain award. I

2463
01:27:50,335 --> 01:27:52,649
have seen some speeches from that, but I

2464
01:27:52,649 --> 01:27:54,810
don't think I've seen that one. But I'll

2465
01:27:54,810 --> 01:27:55,869
go search it up.

2466
01:27:56,329 --> 01:27:58,170
Because I think it was in that when

2467
01:27:58,170 --> 01:27:59,529
Jon Stewart was winning the marked

2468
01:28:00,250 --> 01:28:01,850
was being honored with the Mark Twain award

2469
01:28:01,850 --> 01:28:02,430
or whatever.

2470
01:28:03,529 --> 01:28:06,029
I think that's where he said that comedians

2471
01:28:06,090 --> 01:28:08,342
are the canary in the coal mine on

2472
01:28:08,342 --> 01:28:11,218
First Amendment issues. Yeah. Yep. So That's true.

2473
01:28:11,218 --> 01:28:14,413
Anyway Yep. For people who were like, oh,

2474
01:28:14,413 --> 01:28:16,969
I guess we'll go. We just fucking kept

2475
01:28:16,969 --> 01:28:19,525
going, didn't we? Yeah. You know, it happens.

2476
01:28:19,525 --> 01:28:22,081
But I do want dessert. Me too. So

2477
01:28:22,081 --> 01:28:23,560
we're gonna go. Mhmm.

2478
01:28:24,319 --> 01:28:26,000
Thanks for hanging out with us. Exactly. Thank

2479
01:28:26,079 --> 01:28:28,100
especially to the bitter end. Holy shit.

2480
01:28:29,119 --> 01:28:30,880
And we will hopefully see you next week.

2481
01:28:30,880 --> 01:28:33,140
Mhmm. Okay. Alright. Bye. Bye.