You're listening to the Loving BDSM podcast episode
four fifty three. K. The Lord's here with
the one, the only, the you're perky. You're
doing good. But, man, you got a little
eye swelling, and I it makes heart hurt
for you, John Brownstone. Yeah. I know. You
look miserable. Do you feel miserable?
It it comes and goes.
Mhmm. So, yeah, I haven't had a bit
of a allergic reaction to some wood. Yes.
Which is not the first time it's happened.
No. Hopefully, it'll be the last. Yeah. We're
working on it. I think this is,
I think I finally dredged the last piece
of that wood out of the shop now.
And then I didn't let you touch it
again while you were having your allergic reaction.
This has nothing to do with the topic,
but I I have to say this. JB's
like, this wood, this is the wood I
think is causing my allergic reaction. I'm gonna
toss it over, blah blah blah. Yeah. I
was like, okay. And I didn't think anything
of it. And then, like, I don't know,
half a day later, full day, I don't
know. I went, wait. How about I walk
the wood out there? How about I put
it in my hands
and touch it and toss it and get
rid of it? How about you don't get
anywhere near it? He was like, oh,
yeah.
You know, it's funny. Every it seems every
woodworker
has a wood that is their kryptonite. And
this one is yours? Yeah. Yeah. Well, I
I tossed it. Oh, you did. Thank you.
I mean, I I put some, like, oomph
into it. It went flying. It's gone.
Back in the woods where it belongs. Not
on our property. Right. Anyway, that's that's not
what we're here for, but I just, you
know Yeah. Wanted to share. I've been I've
been desperate to tell somebody
that
story. Okay.
What we're actually talking, about this week is
the, and I'm air quoting this, normalization
and,
mainstreaming
of kink, if that's what's happening or if
kink just keeps going viral in the weirdest
ways.
Or maybe it's a little bit of both.
Who the hell knows? Welcome to the Loving
BDSM podcast. If this is your first time
listening, glad to have you. If you're back
for another week, welcome back. Loving BDSM is
produced every Friday for your kinky pleasure in
education, and show notes are found at lovingbdsm.net.
Come back often and feel free to add
the podcast to your favorite podcast app. You
can also follow the show on FetLife at
loving BDSM PC
on Instagram, and technically threads at that handle
I will forever motherfucking
hate. Oh my god. It makes me so
mad to even think about.
That handle is loving d s and the
number one, so it's at loving d s
one.
On Blue Sky at loving b d s
m dot blah blah blah blah, whatever comes
after that on Blue Sky, I don't care.
It's fine. It's easy to find. Over on
YouTube at youtube.com/lovingbdsm
where you can watch us live stream the
podcast every Wednesday. All links are in the
show notes. Big thanks as always to our
kinky patrons over on Patreon, including our newest
peeps. We, get to keep being fucking weirdos
on the Internet because of our, kinky community
on Patreon. Mhmm. And we are grateful for
every fucking body over there. Oh my god.
If you would like to join our kinky
community, help us keep being weirdos on the
Internet,
and get access to extra content in a
Discord super
server a Discord
server?
What are words
with a group of super
cool kinksters?
You could do that. Just go to
patreon.com/kaylalords.
That's patreon.com/kaylalords,
or use the link in the show notes.
There you go. I'm not even noticing the
heat. So
okay. So before we get into
the topic,
I have
one announcement.
Just the one.
It's very simple.
It is no longer Labor Day here in
The United States, but our Labor Day sale
is still a thing, and it is happening.
And you could save 15%
off, at the kinkery. Thekinkery.com.
Don't mind Lola's snorty Yeah. Nasal sounds. I
didn't even know what that was myself. It
was a little gross. Yeah.
It was giving
old man wakes up first thing in the
morning and has to clear a lung. That's
what it was giving.
Thanks for helping me promote the cankery, Lola,
thecankery.com.
15% off with the coupon code labor day
twenty five,
all one word, no spaces.
That runs through 11:50
fifty nine PM eastern
this Friday,
September 5. So for podcast listeners, it is
literally the day that this Mhmm. Episode goes
live.
You did a big paddle restock. We have
sold out of some things. We are still
working on restocks. Mhmm. It is my hope.
Fingers crossed that we can maybe get a
small little restocks in before the end of
the sale. Yeah. But we're working on it.
We're doing our best.
Okay. That is the announcement.
Cool.
Okay. So the pressure is on. Uh-oh. This
topic was one I wanted to make sure
I knew what the hell I was trying
to talk about.
I,
sat down. I lost actual time. Time had
no meaning for a couple of hours while
I got my thoughts together, and I read
some articles, and I watched some videos and
to compile
so many notes. This is a note heavy
episode. I have to look at what because
I won't nope. Don't
do not count on Swiss cheese brain to
remember this on its own. I gotta I
gotta look at the my thing. My Google
Doc. What are words? See? I'm already there.
And
the conversation
about
the
again, heavy on the air quotes. Normalization of
kink is not a new one. Mhmm.
It's not a new one in the twenty
twenties. It's not
a new one
ever. And we will get into that a
little bit as we kinda
go down this.
I was going over these notes with JB,
and I was telling him some of the
things that have sort of, like, gone viral.
And his eyebrows went all the way up
to the top of his forehead.
I was like, this is what you get
for not being on TikTok. I'm not on
TikTok either, but I still am kind of
paying attention.
And that's where this episode came from because
within about a week's time, like, from one
Friday to the next Friday, I saw two
articles come through and I went, what the
hell is happening out there in the world?
The first and this was not new information.
We had seen this years ago ago
that
the act of choking, not what kinksters would
consider, like, erotic asphyxiation, but, like, strangulation
Mhmm. Of a partner, typically heterosexual sex, but
not
always, without talking about it, without consent
is depending on the surveys you see, is
way up in young people having sex.
I've seen different reports over the years from,
like, forty percent
to sixty percent. Like, people just expect it
to happen now, apparently. That's terrifying.
And the article I saw was that it
has it's now so normalized
that
UK sex ed, like, criteria, I guess, that
they put together, now requires there be some
requires there be some, like, lesson on, actually,
don't just choke a partner out of nowhere.
You could kill them. Like, there's, like, a
whole part. So that was one article.
And then the next article I saw, and
I think I saw the choking before I
saw the second one.
And the you know I know that titles
are clickbait. They need they need clicks. They
need eyes on that. So these sites make
their money. I get it. I get it.
I get it. But basically
it was how spitting
into your partner's open mouth
without conversation and consent
is air quote normal now. And it's like
And that's once I saw that article that
was not the the that was first time
I saw it, but that was not the
last time. It's come up a few times
since then in the different places where I'm
consuming media.
Now,
spitting,
choking, they are not that's not BDSM as
a whole. Those are
acts that can be sexualized. They might come
under the umbrella of BDSM. They might just
be part of, you know, rough sex. I
think it becomes semantics about how you wanna
classify those things. But those things are
heavily associated with kinky things. And so to,
you know, it makes sense that this is
part of the conversation. Mhmm. So that's where
the idea
for this episode was born.
Because I was like, what is happening here?
What the because first I was like, go
UK
for, like, you know, recognizing this is a
big issue and, like, putting some kind of
something into their educational system. America could never.
We just no. No. There's comprehensive sex ed.
Why would we do that? Now The UK
system is not perfect. There's a lot of
shit that's come out of The UK that's
transphobic and like just awful awful. Thanks, Quinn.
I I got your email by the way
for reminding me of that.
But
that one little like
sliver
was needed. It's necessary,
but it's just part of an overall thing
where we are now currently in one of
many cycles
Mhmm. Of conversation over the air quote normalization
of BDSM. So kinda wanted to talk about
it because the things that I have been
aware of
in my current view before you and I
have a conversation and we can kinda think
through so many things, I don't see it
as a normalization of BDSM. I see it
as,
virality and porn and lack of sex ed.
And there's a lot of reasons these things
are, like,
proliferating, but it's not because
anybody's like, oh, shucks. We're all kinky now.
Are we? Are we? So that's kind of,
you know
Mhmm. Mhmm. The premise I had, and I
put this in my notes because Swiss cheese
brain, was that is kink actually being normalized
in this way? The acts of kink, the
certain topics we're gonna cover that have kind
of come up over the past couple years?
Or is it being co opted? Is it
being co opted as a promotional thing? Is
it being co opted because there's virality to
it and you'll get big numbers if you
just say a thing on the Internet whether
there's any truth behind it? Like, I don't
think that this episode is gonna answer that
question and I think it's a very nuanced
conversation because it's it's all context dependent. Right?
A lot of what I'm gonna point out
is not started maybe it's maybe it was
started by, but it's not really
content created by or directed by the actual
kink community. This is not kink content creators
creating a viral trend. This is not,
you know, kink talk necessarily.
It's more like it seems like some things,
like, left out of kink talk because a
lot of it does start on TikTok these
days. And, like,
was, like, let loose in the wild and
bad things just happened from there. Okay?
So,
I do not think that whatever we end
up thinking in this moment is one, the
thing will think forever. Two, the only way
to see this kind of topic and to
see these situations.
Because
as with all things,
with kink in the genuine, like, oh, I'm
kind of interested,
versus
just what gets put out on the Internet.
You know, the the meaning behind it, the
way it can be interpreted, how it's viewed
is as varied as the people viewing it,
right, and consuming that content. So
I don't I'm not saying I'm gonna have
any answers, but let's let's talk about it.
So
notes.
So this is I've said this already. I
definitely wanted to
bring this up because it was interesting for
trying to get
my information together for this episode. And that
is the conversation about the normalization of kink
is not a new one. It did not
happen because TikTok got big. It did not
happen because everybody was bored at home during
a pandemic. Like, that's that's not where this
originates from. I would imagine
if I had access to historical documents
from, like, the time of the Marquis de
Saad or something Mhmm. Somebody wrote a pamphlet
or a newspaper thing that went, oh my
god. These, you know, taboo, nefarious,
sexual things are taking over society. Like, there
was somebody
who, like, discovered a thing and went, oh,
no. Everybody's clearly into it because I learned
this thing. Right?
But when I was just doing my searches
Mhmm. To kinda figure out, okay. Well, I
know I've seen some things. What can I,
like, pull together?
I had to be very careful because this
conversation in
the twenty first century minimum,
right, is cyclical. Mhmm. Almost from what I
could gather from time stamps, dates,
every time something kinky
hits the mainstream
Mhmm.
Either in a positive way or in a
pearl clutchy way, everybody's now talking about the
air quote normalization of kink. And that and
that goes back, I mean, even to, you
know, when when the the Gore books were
published. Mhmm.
Here's something I I did not know.
I just found out today. I was today
years old when I found out that,
Anne Rice,
wrote Beauty and the Beast in 1980.
Okay. I did not realize it was that
long ago. Me either.
I I thought it was, you know, much
I thought it was,
like, late nineties. Okay. But no. Apparently, it
was 1980 she wrote that. Wow. She actually
start wrote the first book. Right. Right. Right.
She started it or Mhmm. She got it
published, the first one published, which means she
probably started it in the seventies.
Very possible. The story of O. I think
that movie came out in the seventies.
Yeah? I believe so. Does that sound about
right? Yes. I I think so. Would love
to see newspaper articles from
that time. Somebody wrote a pearl clutchy thing
about that. I'm sure. Yeah. So in the
twenty first century, the the
several things came up. But the one that
caught my eye was two separate times, same
topic,
when the 50 Shades books
blew up and it felt like everybody in
their, you know, mother was reading them. Oh
my gosh. I was still working in an
office then and So beside And the ladies
were like,
wild. They they were all every one of
them
Yeah. In my department was reading those books.
And then when the movies came out Yeah.
Slightly different conversation.
There was
the added,
kind of ick effect of was this actually
a good movie. Let's like we're not even
talking about the story, the writing. Like was
the movie good? Matter of opinion. I did
not watch them because I cannot handle that
much secondhand embarrassment. That's too much for my
body to handle. It's just not gonna be
good.
So that's just a semi recent example. And
I say semi recent example. And I say
semi recent because
most
kinksters who've, you know, are mid thirties on
older
are aware at, you know, 50 Shades kind
of phenomenon. And a lot of people
figured out they were kinky
because
these not so wonderfully written books and not
so wonderfully written
or acted. I don't know. But movies,
they it was huge. Right? And I you
know, my impression and again, there's so many
ways people reacted and reasons for it. But
I know there was a lot of, oh
my gosh. Right? The taboo
brought forward not in a way that many
of us who are like trying to live
this life kind of recognize or like that
it's a caricature.
That's how that is you know there's not
a single piece of media that will ever
be created about kink good or bad
that is gonna
encompass
a broad enough experience. Every once in a
while, we get that and we're like, oh,
cool. And then there's somebody on a subreddit
somewhere telling you about how it's actually the
worst ever. That's just how media is. Yeah.
So,
yes. I lost it. But that was my
point was that, you know, we can see
this. But that's what it was. Got it
back. 50 Shades brought a lot of kinky
people into kink community. Yes. Did it send
plenty of people to the ER because they
tried shit and they use these books as
how to manuals? Yes.
And it it helped a lot of people
go, hey, wait. There's something here. It did.
I'm interested in this. Now, what what I
will say about that, and and and kudos
to
the West Pasco community at that time,
When the book came out and they exploded
in popularity,
some of the community leaders, they actually
devised a plan of how to educate these
people when they start because they did start
showing up at munches and at and at
the dungeons and things like that.
And, you know, they're they were they were
thinking, you know, it's all this movie fun
stuff. Everybody's got a red room. Yeah. Yeah.
Right.
And, you know, one of one of the
things that they discussed, and they actually had
it all laid out was, you know, how
to how to, you know, educate these people
about the safety and what this is really
all about. Right.
And I think I'm I am positive that
there are more differences than this. But a
difference that comes to mind from that little
innocent time we were alive in the 2010,
2012,
earlier than that kind of around that time
era versus now
is that right now, what goes viral, what
gets the attention, what then can change behavior
for there's porn that's always there. We know
that.
But something goes viral on TikTok, it's probably
a video that's a minute, maybe two minutes.
I know you can do longer form on
TikTok, but the the catchiness of it, the
lack of nuance, the, you know, somebody
put some words over there while they looked
off into the middle distance and a song
was playing in the background and, you know,
there was no discussion and people picked it
up and and ran with it. Mhmm. And
people are deriving meaning from things that they
get
nowhere near enough
content or context about
so that I have no doubt there are
people out there doing some of these kinky
things, talking about some of these things,
that we would consider, like, to be, you
know, to to be very specific to the
kink community and and there be, like, kind
of specific
conversations to have around them, and they get
none of that. But they might not necessarily
be rocking up to the munch or the
dungeon or the one zero one workshop. I'm
I think some people probably are. I think
this is just another gateway for some people.
Mhmm. But Oh, yeah.
From my limited view,
what I have seen has been a lot
of co opting language,
whether to be edgy,
whether to try and, you know, jump on
a trend, whether because you wanna seem like
you know something, whatever it might be, and
having none of the other to go with
it. Yeah. Yeah. Which I can see why
some of what's happening more today is a
can feel a little bit more nefarious because
it's not coming from a book that tried
to lay out a fantasy version, like hundreds
and hundreds, thousands of words to kinda tell
Mhmm. Maybe not well, but to kinda tell
you a story
versus ten seconds, five words,
and and just the comments going wild or
something. Right? And things getting picked up and
stripped down for parts to be repackaged,
and now none of it means anything. Right?
But people are using language or they're doing
things based on impressions they kind of got
from what they think somebody might have meant.
And, you know, I that's an added layer
Yeah. In in the the,
age of TikTok.
That is not helpful to anybody.
But also, like, I felt this way about
50 shades. I feel this way now. If
you come across kink, your first intro to
kink
is an imperfect piece of media
that maybe you learn a wrong thing from
and make some mistakes from, but that was
your introduction and it
sparked something in you to go, hey. Hey.
Woah. This I need to go do more,
learn more, find out more. I think that's
fine.
Like I do think I want those people
to be careful but they don't know yet
to even have somebody to talk to to
tell them to be careful. Right. So it's
like, it's just another avenue for people
to
come into the lifestyle, discover themselves a little
bit more. And and see, I think that's,
while
having the Internet available
to seek out and search
things, it it's a marvelous thing. Having having
that supercomputer in your fingers is amazing. I
love it. Okay? Never thought I'd see a
day like this, but here it is. Oh,
yeah. You know?
But it is also
the downside to it because
you know
we are in an age with social media
anybody can get out there and say
anything. And they do. And they do. And
they do. And they do. You know?
And,
you know, I think
a lot of people do
these things, these videos, because they wanna go
viral. They wanna be
be edgy, they wanna shock people. They want
the numbers, they wanna make money on TikTok
Right. Whatever it is. Yeah. And, you know,
there again too. That is
not the way to find out about kink.
It's not a helpful way. No. It's it's
not helpful or healthy
because, you know, you are you were just
getting
that snapshot. And it's not even that. It's
less than a snapshot. Yeah.
Yeah. You know, you you do not know
what is involved,
you know, under the hood so to speak.
Mhmm.
So, you know, that that can be
dangerous. But it's no different
than it's just a new aspect of, you
know, careful what you consume in porn, careful
what you see in movies, you know, careful
what you read in erotica, it's not real.
It it's another extension of that. Mhmm. And,
you know, then you gotta weed that shit
out. Right. And you have to have enough
media literacy to do that. You have to
have some maturity for it. Like, some Mhmm.
I mean, TikTok, it everybody uses TikTok. I
don't use TikTok. But, like, every
part of humanity uses TikTok. But if you
got access to Mhmm.
Internet connection, somebody in your cohort uses fucking
TikTok. But it is still kind of known
primarily for young people, maybe not always teenagers,
but young people are on TikTok. And so
many of them do not have the experience
yet to discern
between like, you might be a digital native,
but that don't mean you can always tell.
You can't we can't all always tell when
AI's got us. We can't all always tell
when we're being, like, like bullshit. I I
got a phone call this afternoon that made
me go,
is this real or is this not? And
I I had to
sit down for a minute and look into
some things and turns out it was a
freaking scam and It usually is. In this
day and age, it usually is. Right. And
that's the thing. I could see
content creators making the justification that this is
for entertainment purposes only because books are for
entertainment,
movies are for entertainment. And
I I kind of can't have a I
don't have a good argument against that because
that is true. Mhmm.
You can put out content for whatever reason
you do and you cannot control
what people take from it and how it
gets That's true. You know, regurgitated and and
reused and how, you know, how it gets
morphed into something else that even you didn't
intend. You were like, I just wanted the
numbers and that was a trending sound and
Excuse me. Whatever, you know. Mhmm. Mhmm. And
so I don't think any of these things
are good or bad. I do think that,
you know, more of us need to be
more aware of them. Mhmm. Not necessarily for
ourselves as kinksters. I mean, if you are
at a point where you are consuming an
hour plus of just our podcast,
you are getting and we can't tell you
everything and are not trying to but you're
getting enough context to be able to probably
go that that sounds like some bullshit in
this TikTok, in this reel, in this whatever.
Right?
So and that's just bare minimum. So if
you're out there following you know other kink
creators and you're watching other content, you're doing
all this other stuff.
You are probably not the one who needs
this but many of us have, you know,
we're raising kids, we got teenagers in our
lives, we got people around us, so we
have to kind of hold their precious little
innocent hand and go, honey, not everything is
real. We also have to do that with
our older parents who think everything
posted to Facebook is real but that's a
different conversation for another day.
So
that's some of that landscape that some of
the like bigger thoughts I should have said
at the top but I didn't put it
in my notes and that's how I forgot.
But I'm gonna say it here. Okay. Because
we're gonna get into specifics and you're gonna
be like, well, how the fuck do you
know this? I got links y'all. I got
resources. I watched
bits and pieces of two of Evie Lupine's
videos, including a very recent one from like
a month ago as of recording
about Tradwives
and air quote day callers. Oh, lord. You
told me about that. I have linked to
her videos. I've linked to the articles I'm
gonna mention definitely
going forward in the notes. The two articles
that made me go, what the hell is
happening
to kinky acts and why are people doing
this? Those are linked. So anything you might
be interested in in, and anything we mentioned
especially here on out,
the links are there. Okay. So I this
is not this is not comprehensive. I'm sure
it's not. It's just the ones that kind
of hit sort of a zeitgeist in some
way. Okay?
So I'm let's go through this. The spitting
and the choking, we know where that comes
from. A lot of that does come from
porn. Yes. But once things kind of come
out of porn and just sort of get
talked about on main
Mhmm. I my algorithm, most the time is
a lot of,
erotic writers or, you know, dark romance readers.
They don't like to call themselves erotic readers,
but Yeah. Romance readers, smart readers. And the
sheer amount two things. The sheer amount
of
video content specifically reels that used to be
TikToks whatever
where the thirst trap or the the hook
is choking is the hand around like, look,
look y'all. I'll melt into a kinky little
puddle when his hand goes around my throat
consensually.
But I have the context and the background
and some of the like experience. Right? And
then I see it when I'm reading
some of the smut. Some that considers itself
very dark and I'm like, I would expect
this in dark. And some that does not.
They just think putting the hand around your
throat while fucking is
normal.
Okay?
I read one that was, like, right on
the edge between probably I don't remember if
it designated itself dark romance, but it could
have, but not completely.
And like part of the draw, part of
the kink was she wanted to see black
spots in front of her eyeballs and I
was like,
that's cool but could you have a conversation
about it? Right. So it's not just TikTok
and it's not and it's not just porn.
It's kind of choking has kind
of gone out everywhere and it's sort of
infiltrating.
Yeah.
Well, I mean, it's it's no different. You
know, you you you talk about the spitting.
Up to a girl.
I know. Okay? I know. I mean that.
Hilarious in that.
I mean that Gotta spit on that thing.
I'm not, but you can. You better not.
It's not my thing. That's not my thing
either. That's not my thing either.
No. As I've told you, I like if
the the vibe is right in a piece
of smart I'm reading Mhmm. I can accept
and I can find it hot. In that,
it's arms length. It fits with the context.
I don't want it for myself, but, yeah,
that makes sense for this moment.
Hell, yeah.
And apparently, spitting was one of the things
I did have a moment
TikTok and then went to Instagram Yeah. Where
it and I it might even still be
a little bit. It was trending as a,
you know, a way to talk about dark
romance, a way to, like, do, like,
talk about be edgy on the Internet. Like,
there's all wick kinds of ways to create
content. But spinning was one of them too.
And I have seen that filter into and
I see from a smart reader perspective
Mhmm. Because I don't get the opportunity to
read a lot of kink specific books because
I don't like contemporary
as a genre. I prefer
fantasy or historical or
whatever. I like Don't put me in the
fucking world we live in now. It's too
stressful. I wanna know the world. So I
don't read a lot of like BDSM
themed smut. I read some of it but
not a lot. And I see these kink
things come like come into this smut.
It's not talked about like it's kink. It's
not treated like it's kink. It's treated like
it's normal except there's almost never a conversation
about it. And that doesn't just come from
nowhere.
And
who's the cart? Who's the horse? I don't
fucking know. Who's the chicken? Who's the egg?
I don't know. Porn really is probably the
birthplace
of the proliferation of it, of the normalization
of Yes. This is what people do during
sex.
Because,
you know, almost none of us have ever
gotten comprehensive sex ed. And we think what
we see in porn is, like, what you're
supposed to do. What you're supposed to do.
Oh, my god.
Right.
I mean, I didn't I I you know,
not to
I I had no sex ed growing up
as a kid. Nah. No. I Okay. Time
frame, you grew up hell. No. You didn't.
My my parents told me nothing. The things
I found out
were from other kids.
And when I can get my hands on
a a playboy or penthouse magazine. Mhmm.
I was just talking to the youngest therapist
about this, not because of this specific topic,
but it came up in another conversation.
I still lived in Florida when Florida gave
a fuck
and wasn't run by the total loony tunes.
And we had
sex Like, we had age appropriate sex at
around fourth grade, fourth or fifth grade. And
then when you hit eighth grade biology and
you hit that portion,
nobody, like, shied away from it. Not in
the schools that I attended.
And so in the
early ish nineties,
at least in the school
the school district not very far from here
actually,
they were talking about it openly. I remember
the banana and the condom. We were not
allowed to do our
own. But that teacher had that banana and
that condom. Yeah. And she brought in a
speaker and like all kinds of stuff. And
then I moved away to Mississippi where they
were like, no. We we just pretend sex
doesn't happen. We don't know why all the
teens are are pregnant. It's a mystery.
And by the time we came back to
Florida,
that had been kind of knocked out. There's
some sex ed, but it tends to be
abstinent
based or focused, you know. Yeah. So I
get it. I get why people are drawn
to the the things that, you know
I'm gonna say taboo over and over again
because I can't think of another word because
of Swiss cheese brain. Mhmm. But, like, the
the things that you're not supposed
to have, the illicit things that are, like,
you'd get in trouble if anybody knew you
had this, but it's it's speaking to desires
you have. It's giving you,
an image to kinda go,
oh, that's what that looks like, but no
fucking context.
And so we go from,
you know, Playboy magazines and, you know, Victoria's
Secret catalogs and
up to now the fucking Internet.
And it's splintered from there where you still
have the fucking porn and you have the
the not ethical, please don't watch free porn.
I get you wanna save a buck or
2, but it's not the good porn. It's
not the kind you can just
go pay for your porn if you can.
But then it splinters off from there until
there's books and that's fine. And there's movies
and that's fine. Mhmm. And now we've got
short form content where
it's
diluted so far down. It's it loses all
meaning, and now it's just trendy. It's just
cute Mhmm. To, you know, talk about spitting
in your partner's mouth without a fucking conversation
first.
You you know, the the the choking thing,
that has been around A long time. A
long time.
I mean, my gosh. Who was, like, one
of the I can't remember exactly,
you know, first thing goes memory. One of
the carotenes,
Died in a hotel, I think,
doing, you know, doing the erotic asphyxiation.
You know, because it is
it is the quickest way to play with
danger in your sex life. Yeah. I mean,
blocking someone's hair, that's
that's as on the edge, I think, as
you could kinda get Yeah. Without needing, like,
a lot of equipment. Right? Mhmm.
And it's yeah. It's a shorthand for But,
you know, that's what makes
this so dangerous. Mhmm. You know, as a
as a person who
is
in the kink
community,
you know, we we're
mired in this stuff, I guess. You know,
we're we're saturated in it.
We understand
there are risks
in everything we do.
Alright. I have to assess the risks of
the things I do. You have to assess
the risks of what I'm doing to you.
Mhmm. Okay?
And, you know, this
kind of thing, it, you know, you get
none of that. No. You You know? That
that's why I say you just get this
little
snapshot. Mhmm.
Mhmm.
And not everything else that has to, you
know, that that goes with it. So then
it's rendered meaningless. Yeah. Then it's just the
silly little thing you do. Right. And and
the, you know,
those of us who are paying attention, the
people who study this kind of thing, the,
you know, the people who have to help
people that have been harmed after that, we
are making the connections of what the fuck's
happening. But in the moment, when it's ten
seconds of your life and then you scrolled
on,
you know, the people aren't necessarily connecting those
dots because they don't have the context. Right.
I'm gonna get to that because Evie said
a brilliant thing in a video and I
fucking wrote it down. Anyway, next on our
list, this one,
probably is still around a little bit.
Did we freeze? Yes. We know we lost
it. Oh, we lost it. Hopefully, the the
the audio is still there.
Podcast listeners, you get to hear me fill
dead air while JB gets the camera back
on. And,
yay, I love these streams like this.
These are the days when I'm like, let's
just do audio only.
So tired of tech problems. Okay. Yeah.
So,
Video should be back in a moment.
The delay between audio video and the stream
is
always interesting.
Okay. So See. The next one on the
list Boom. I think it hit the height
of its popularity around 2023. It's probably still
around. I vaguely remember conversations online about this,
and that's free use. Mhmm.
Now
I
couldn't find anything that sort of, like, was
really definitive about where did that like, who
started that. But I wanna say it's
in Vice did an article about was it
the free use? Yes. Free use.
And they made a point in that one.
They were there's a couple articles linked by
from Vice talking about
some of this.
And I believe it was in the free
use article. They made the point to say
that some of the some of the videos
on the beginning side of the trend as
things were going viral,
not all, but some are actually made by
OnlyFans creators who are trying to Mhmm. In
a subtle way, get attention, go viral for
people who,
like, would be their core audience so they
can get people over to their OnlyFans and
grow their audience that way. And that's a
time honored marketing tradition.
I'm not shitting on it. Right?
And I actually Excuse me, folks. Sorry.
Do do I need to burp you?
I actually saw one
today that was done in the vein of
the way Vice described
the free use ones Mhmm. Of an OnlyFans
creator who is it's video of them looking
super cute, super sexy, whatever. Mhmm. And they'll
have text
over it,
over the image that
kinda can be a little vanilla shaming. And
that was,
a video Evie did about vanilla shaming, kink
shaming, the air quote normalization of kink. I
think it was kind of happening at the
same time as this for use conversation or
there was some overlap. Because what they would
say is, oh, well,
you know,
your
your wife would never just let you, you
know, do whatever you want, but I would.
And it's it's
a way to grab attention,
but it brought
and that is only one way that it
was done. There are other ways we were
talking about it. Yeah. Yeah. But it brought
this concept of free use, like,
into
the mix. And I remember seeing
kink, you know, content creators and educators going,
woah, woah, woah. We need to fucking talk
about free use. What we I think we
did an episode on free use because it
just kept coming up. Mhmm.
But I saw
of TikTok that's now on reels and that's
how I saw it Mhmm. Today of somebody
who I believe I did not confirm this,
but I believe they're an OnlyFans creator. And
there's not a fucking thing wrong with being
an OnlyFans creator. And there's not a thing
wrong marketing yourself
on platforms that will not let you be
fucking explicit. So you gotta like be teasy
and flirty. There's nothing wrong with this but
this
is one avenue to how we get here.
And in that one,
the person was looking super, super sexy. Sexy.
All they had on was a towel. Their
shoulders were bare. You couldn't see cleavage because
the the text was, I'm I'm a modest
girl. I would never just let you see
my size l
breasts on the internet. And it's all supposed
to be tongue in cheek. And I Mhmm.
Had to, like,
I had to read about it to understand
it was tongue in cheek. Prior to reading
the Vice article on the free use content,
I'd have been like, but then why are
you talking about it?
But that's all
and so sometimes
sometimes
some of these terms
come in
to to this
ecosystem
of short
form content that goes viral because the the
concept was introduced
in one meeting meeting. Meaning
Mhmm. Which is, you know, I'm I'm being
a little cheeky. I'm being a little flirty
and, you know, I'm I'm playing into your
fantasies. Don't you wanna subscribe to my page
or whatever. Right? Right. But then it gets
picked up by somebody. And now, other people
for their own reasons, but one of those
reasons will be, I wanna go viral too,
are running with it. Yeah.
Well, you know, I I mean, you know,
look at the trends that have
gone between TikTok and Instagram,
you know, and and one starts and it
it's just like an avalanche. What was it?
The the, ice one for a while there
with you know, it was people dumping ice
every, you know. Well, they did it. I
gotta do it. You know? Yes.
Yes.
And there is a lot of
of the copycat thing. Yeah. There's, wanting to
join in, wanting to be like somebody Mhmm.
Wanting to have the perceived
fucking one of them has to do with
kink. None of it. But we're pulling in
these concepts that have deep meaning, that have
deep carry deep risk, that require
thought and conversation and consent and negotiation.
And it's just this cutesy little trend.
And and Silent
knew the episode was free use in blanket
consent and power exchange episode three eighty. That's
why Silent is our Historian. Yep. Thank you.
So the next one on my list, we
did the
the the conversation, and that's Princess Treatment. Mhmm.
Now Princess Treatment,
I don't think it came about and the
person who, you know, seemed to be like
the air quote start, they were not coming
at it from
a kink perspective. They were not coming at
it from
a,
I'm just trying to go viral. They were
like, this is this is what I do
when I'm, you know, whatever whatever whatever their
motivations were. It wasn't because they were making
lots of content and longer content to just
talk about Princess Treatment.
And the concept of Princess Treatment, I think,
hit a nerve
with,
you know,
typically but not always, cis women who want
to feel taken care of and special and
Mhmm. You know, whatever whatever.
But what was happening, it was the reason
we talked about it, is that some, not
all, were conflating it with power exchange.
Because princess is a term that gets used.
Yeah. Because the concept of being taken care
of by, in that person's case, her husband,
you know, there's a a semi parallel
to a dom taking care of a sub.
Mhmm.
And so that was one where it was
its own concept, but people were actually making
the connections
Right. And going, oh, is this, like, kinked
to the point that some people, not all,
but some people were, like, oh, that's a
kink thing that somebody the vanillas just took.
And it's like, actually, no. It's actually how
people some people, regardless of flavor of relationship
or titles they use with one another, just
want to be fucking treated. You know what
I mean? It's like, it's a lane of
human experience. Mhmm. It's not the lane. It's
not the
lane. It's not the only way, but it's
the gateway. And it usually
feeds
something that you're craving that you didn't get
from somewhere else or you're you're not getting
any other way. And, you know, it's it's
funny. I heard
somebody
talking about this, you know, and they were
saying how they were a princess. And they
were like, you know,
why wouldn't you wanna be the queen?
And like, oh, no. Queen has responsibilities and
has to do the hardship. I wanna be
the princess and have fun.
When I'm in my baby girl mode, I
too wanna be the princess.
When my control issues rear their ugly head,
I'm the fucking queen because I'm a get
shit done. Okay? And this could be done
right.
Right. Apparently, I have
many different sides to myself.
So
Prince's treatment was was one that
the
And I don't know how many kinky people
made the connection versus how many,
you know, maybe non kinksters who had read
read some kinky smud or had heard a
thing or like made their own connections. I
have no way of knowing that.
But that that would be actually interesting to
me is where
who
not who was an an individual, but which
cohorts of people
were making those connections and making those claims.
Was it just kinky people?
Was it somebody who knew three words about
kinky and went here, I'm a sound smart,
I'm a say this. Yeah. Who knows? Probably,
yes, everybody.
But that is one where,
you know, Princess Treatment blew up for a
while. Mhmm. And then the
the parallels
that some, not all, were making to kink
rose at about the same time. Right? Because
then there was a lot a little bit
more conversation about caregiver doms and, you know,
littles and print and like Right. And then
the the opposite side, which we did not
spend a lot of time on in our
episode, but we did briefly mention it and
then it got mentioned in the comments of
that episode, which is, you know, the treatment
that they're being described. Like, we even said
it. Like, that's more Dom stuff. You want
your partner to do shit for you and
to take care of you Right. So that
you don't have to do these things. And
that, you know, if you're gonna make that
connection Mhmm. Is yeah. It's more of a
top or Dom kind of behavior. Yeah. I
mean, in a sense though, the the princess
treatment
to to a certain extent, I don't really
see that as
a
something that's being appropriated.
No. I don't either. Okay. I don't either.
You know, come on. Let's face it.
Kids have wanted to be Disney princesses since,
I still won't. I don't. I don't.
I wanna be oh my god. I cannot
think of her name right now, but in
Wreck It Ralph,
Oh,
You know who I'm Penelope.
Yes. But it's not Penelope. It's Penelope. Vanellope.
Yes. That's the kind of fucking Disney princess
I wanna be. Give me a hoodie. I
probably have something in my hair. My jeans
are ripped.
I'm not wearing jeans. I'm wearing leggings. But
you know what I mean?
Yeah. I yeah. I can see that in
you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. You're the rough and tumble,
But I added it to this list because
the conversation about just Princess treatment grew so
big that it pulled in.
You know, kinky people were pulled into the
conversation because of random comments people were making
that, you know, whatever. Now, here's the last
one on the list. It might not be
the last thing out there. It might not
be the most current. It is the one
that made my eyeballs almost pop out of
my fucking head. And Evie did a video
on it. You totally need to go see
it. I've linked it. It's
Tradwives,
which if you don't know what that is,
like, give me a second. Tradwives
wearing
day collars. Okay. You you just told me
about this the other day, and that was
totally new. Yeah. Because you were not on
that side of the fucking algorithm. No. I've
got I'm not. One, I I my,
TikTok account Right. No. And I I see
stuff when it trickles down to Instagram anyway.
Three weeks away. And and I
try to not be on too much social
media right now.
Right. Yeah. Okay. So for anybody who is
aware and I'm not gonna give a perfect
definition. Okay. But it's
the way I understand a trad wife
and some of my thoughts on trad wives.
So trad wives Mhmm. Is an Internet phenomenon
because that's where this term comes from and
that's where the content comes from. So people
know what it air quote looks like air
quote that
to be a trad wife. Okay. Trad wives
are in general not always. There are exceptions
to this. Mhmm.
Christian conservatives,
they tend to be further on the right
that they are, cisgender, heterosexual,
they're married. The the wife has a husband.
Her air quote purpose
Mhmm.
Purpose is to submit to her husband, to
take care of the home, to take care
of any children they may have,
to
move at a slower pace of life.
I think all of that is perfectly fine,
like a thing to aspire to, the
slower pace of life to focus on home
and children. There's not a fucking thing wrong
with that. There is in some of the
things I have seen this whole women are
supposed to automatically submit to their husbands, blah
blah blah. Yeah. And go ahead. Now see,
I had
a little different,
version of Bad Life from what I And
there are different, there are different versions. There's
a nuance to it. Yeah. You know, and
and that basically somebody who has a little
bit of money married somebody
That's the reality you're talking about. So Yeah.
What's happening is the Internet is being sold
this picture of Mhmm. The
this wife stays home. She makes shit from
scratch. The Yeah. The,
funny but also terrifying one is they made
Cinnamon Toast Crunch from hand because
I would never let my look. You can
do that in your fucking life, but then
don't preach to everybody about how your way
is the way of life and it's the
only way of life. Also,
the false thing here that
the folks who
are living this life, even if maybe they
don't call themselves a trad wife, they just
fall under the umbrella, is they say, well,
as a as a wife, as a mother
Mhmm. I don't need a job outside of
the home. My husband provides for me. Again,
cool. If that's your thing,
I love it for you. Mhmm. But what
they don't mention
is that some of these accounts
fucking blow up on TikTok. And if you're
at located in the right place and you
got the they're making their own fucking money.
And they're getting brand deals and sponsorships and
TikTok money and what and Facebook money and
whatever whatever whatever. And it's a goddamn job.
They don't call that. A lot of people
a lot of people like to call content
creation a job. Yeah. And it's it's that's
the the the lie there. It's like, I
have all this time to do this and
what tends to happen is the husbands are
stupid rich. And so
they have access to these resources. Yeah. And
what's happening is they're selling a life to
people watching it who maybe for their own
reasons want a life like that. Maybe they're
religiously aligned. Maybe they're politically aligned. Maybe it
just speaks to them.
But there's not anybody going, let me tell
you how fucking exhausting this is or what
this really looks like.
You know, and and
in typical Internet fashion, you are getting the
airbrushed version of something Sure. And it's being
sold as the reality Mhmm. And then people
are, like, eating it up because it it
calls to something within them, and then they
go to try and emulate it, and then
they don't understand why Yeah. They're fucking miserable.
But that that's too why, you know, when
the the things we talk about,
you know, here we we talk about the
not so pretty in our relationship too because,
you know, it it goes hand in hand.
Nothing is ever
perfect. Now,
since you told me about this Mhmm.
What
is the difference then?
And I I know you said some some
of what a trad wipe is considered to
be, but I've I've heard it also in
different
what makes that different from a nineteen fifties
housewife? So we had somebody
ask us that question, and it is on
my list of
they send it in like a q and
a Mhmm. Question. But I'm I want us
to do it as a long episode. Okay.
Because
I cannot because I don't have enough research
and I don't have enough understanding. I have
not read or listened to enough stuff to
try and tell you hot wife, domestic discipline,
blah blah blah. Right? I can't I can't
have that conversation
Mhmm. And and do it justice now. What
I can tell you,
the difference, the big fucking difference Mhmm. Between
trad wife and any fucking thing else that's
power exchange Right. However whatever package you put
it on, like Mhmm. Bow you tie it
up with, is that
at no point in what I have seen
k. Does anybody talk about
consent and negotiation
to be a trad wife? It is an
expectation. It is your place in life. You
were born a woman, so this is your
lot. Okay. You don't get to want more.
If you want more, you're not the good
kind of woman, the right kind of woman.
You're womaning wrong.
You're not supposed to wanna be in charge
and make decisions.
Your purpose is to have a bunch of
babies and make your Cinnamon Toast Crunch from
scratch. Basically, your husband makes all decisions but
Yeah. Yes. Without the and was it Evie
who said it? And I I think it's
in her Trad wife video. Mhmm. Semi
badly quoting.
And it might have been her I think
it might have been that video. It was
in one of the videos. They're both linked.
No. Basically,
Trad wife, that kind of lifestyle,
the power imbalance
is inherent.
There is no seeing that in the way
it's talked about. There's no seeing that woman
as an equal. In power exchange,
we come together as equals to figure out
what the fuck we want. Yeah. We design
it in the way that we want. And
it can look like the trad wife experience.
It can look like this or that. But
Mhmm. Its core, its base
is we are equals.
Right. You do I don't have a role
I require
by gender. And that's something that I've always
said, you know, when said this through the
years. We are in a
we are equals in a mutually
negotiated
power exchange. Right.
And that's that's the core of power exchange.
Yeah. I'm we you know, it's not
our biological sex. It's not our gender. It's
not
there's no specific role that we were born
into or that we,
you know, is inherent to our humanity
that means we automatically
do this thing.
Right? It's that same
it's not the same. There's parallels between
the trad wife, the the women the woman
is always the submissive. They submit to their
husband's will. Their husband will always know what's
best. And I'm like, I've seen some of
these fuckers. No. They don't. Yeah. But okay.
Yeah. Versus
the type of feminism that they ask.
See what's what's funny. I'm sorry. I see
the opposite
side of all this.
You know,
I apparently never seen any of these, but
what I see are a lot of women
who
have gotten away from these. Yes. Because because
The deconstruction, the deconstructing religious. Law. Yes. I
see a lot of that too. Because what
they ended up with this because again, it's
not if it's not
consensual,
you know,
they were in very abusive relationships.
Right. And sometimes it can it's it's all
the way to, like, this abusive awful thing.
And sometimes it's just
this is a
we're talking about the the man in this
this situation
who
believes he's owed something by birthright.
I was born with a dick. I happen
to be white. I happen to be this.
I happen to be in general, but not
always.
And so I get to I don't have
to there's nothing as merit based. I didn't
have to go learn a thing. I didn't
have to get good at something. I didn't
have to prove I had any fucking sense.
I'm just this musty dusty man that convinced
this woman to fucking marry me or her
parents did or her religion did or something.
And I didn't have to work for this
and I had to have to prove myself.
And
not often enough, but Lola agrees. Often enough,
these women,
for all kinds of reasons and in all
kinds of ways, get away from that. Yeah.
And then
they're they're the ones trying to warn the
rest of, you know Yeah. Woman kind behind
them, like, be fucking careful. No. What I
was gonna say is,
so there's all that about the trad wife
thing, the woman is inherently submissive to the
man. There is a parallel in my mind
from that way of thinking
to the feminists who are anti kink.
Because they say all BDSM
Mhmm. Is,
subjects women.
Women are like,
oh, there's words. I can't think of them.
But they're
they are less than. They automatically submit. And
it's the same binary thinking of a woman
means submission.
Yeah. And that's how, you know, those of
us who are into kink can look at
the the people making these arguments going, you
don't know a fucking thing about kink because
you just assumed
that the woman is always submissive in this
situation.
Not terribly unlike the trad wife thing is
the woman is always submissive. It's it misses
the inherent argument. The the parallel between trad
wife and hot wife domestic discipline. Yeah. Whatever
power exchange Yeah. Is that's part of what
where the split is Mhmm. Because there's no
automatic role that somebody takes because of their
And actually that that explains something because, you
know, when,
you I I was initially thinking when we
talked a little bit about this,
you know, that could this just be another
part of the spectrum?
It could be if it was negotiated. Yeah.
And I would you know, here's the thing.
The only problem I have there are probably
many problems. But one of the bigger problems
I have with the trad wife thing is
the assumption.
Mhmm. Your gender equals
your role. Right? Yeah. That that that to
me is a is a problem. And the
fact that Sorry. I'm a little bit upset.
I totally get it. But there's also the,
because of how people are raised Yeah. You
know, within
their family unit, within their church, within their
whatever,
that there are assumptions that are made about
what this woman will do within her marriage
and how she will be treated and what
she is air quote allowed to do and
she's air quote not allowed to do. And
so
those are systems of oppression that do not
lend themselves to, hey, can we sit down
and have a conversation?
If somebody
wanted to create the trad wife experience,
but use
the language of BDSM
for consent
and negotiation.
And even if they had all the parts
that I don't personally agree with on the
religion or the the politics side. Right?
Even then, then I'm like, you know what?
Good on you because you've had the conversation.
Both of you have had to prove yourself
to the other. Mhmm. Ideally built up trust.
You're you're in this together. There there's a
difference between
creating a partnership
and something that is expected of you.
Mhmm.
Exactly.
So
if we end up doing the Tradewife versus
the a lot of this will come back
up And I will probably sweat just as
hard as my blood pressure goes up. But
that is
an imperfect way of explaining Trad Wives.
So the Trad Wives wearing day collars thing.
Mhmm. Look, Evie says a lot of brilliant
things, but she said something in that video.
I wrote it down and I have been
thinking about it in when we've talked about
every one of these things we've talked about.
Mhmm. Because what this person did is like,
I'm wearing a day collar, which is just
a necklace. And they said,
as a sign of submission to my husband,
not, you know and they they understood they
were talking about a kink concept.
Not, you know, just in the bedroom. This
is about her whole life. And I was
like, yeah. Well, I'm not just supposed to
my husband in the bedroom either, but we
are still not the same. But that was
me being judge you. And
so
the the thing that was missing in that
this is my day caller,
you know, announcement, pronouncement
from this particular person who calls herself a
trad wife. Like, that's not being used as
a pejorative. That's like Yeah. How they classify
themselves.
Is it it's like they never made the
logic leap to why this would be called
a day collar. Yeah.
You know, because there's the night collar that
you can't wear in public, and that's why
kinky people have a day collar. Right. Like,
if it if this necklace is just her
sign of her submission to her husband Mhmm.
Which
on many levels, I usually fully support except
the premise that we're working on here and
it's not consensual. Right?
Then it's just a collar. It's not a
day collars on a night it's your collar.
It's just Even if it just looks like
a necklace. But that they took that was
an, moment of taking the language
Yeah. Of kink and not even understand and
this is what Evie said.
This is and I'm kind of paraphrasing because
I, like, wrote it down real quick. Evie
said,
they, meaning this the tradewise,
take the collar out of kink and strip
it of all of its context. Right. And
that's what's happening. Spitting and choking and free
use. Yeah. Not really princess treatment, but maybe.
All of this, it's I've I've heard this
concept.
I'm doing it to be edgy. I'm using
I'm reappropriating it, whatever.
But I I'm not presenting it as kink
in in all the context that comes with
it. All the meaning, all of the
the best practices, the consent, the negotiation, the
learning about a thing. I'm taking all of
that away and I'm using a cool little
term.
And so now that term, once it leaves
a kink community or leaves
the,
you know, the realm of people who are
there to explain what this means in terms
of kink,
it loses all meaning. Now did JB catch
any of that because he had to walk
away? No. Hopefully, y'all caught it. I might
have to repeat myself.
But I thought that was brilliant, what she
said. Like, I can't stop thinking about it.
When I think about free use and I
think about
the
definitely with choking, I think about it. There's
just no context. There's this act. There's this
term. There's this
broad societal kind of understanding, but you got
none of the fucking nuance. No. And and
you know that
the the whole collar thing?
But and you know what? I have a
feeling, maybe not this person, maybe somebody else.
They heard the
my collar is a symbol and a sign
of my submission to my dom. And they
went, Yeah. That makes sense.
And but they didn't they didn't even have
the context necessarily.
But, you know,
let's be honest. You asked most people
and I'm not saying all because oh, no.
You know?
You know, most people look at
a collar
having
as much,
in or you know impact
as a wedding ring. Yes.
Mhmm.
And,
you know something like that that's thrown it
right in the Do you know, I I
wanna say I'm going by memory here because
I did watch it. I wanna say that
that trad wife said
for her.
Maybe I'm thinking it was somebody else that
I was reading about or watching. But I
could have sworn somebody somewhere
made that connection themselves. Or maybe it was
just Evie going, wait, this is as important
as somebody's wedding band. I can't remember. But
I remember that being part of the conversation,
me going, yeah, that is.
Yeah. I mean, you know I wear my
collar when I don't wear my wedding band.
Like
People have coloring ceremonies.
Right. Yeah. Yeah. And,
you know, I
I tried to take a step back because
I
for years I have said and you have
mostly agreed
that we get to make these terms kinda
mean
whatever
they mean to us. Right? Like Yeah. We
have to have a common language and understand
what we're all talking about, but then we
get to, like,
we get to make them ours in some
ways. We just have to be prepared to
explain what the fuck we mean. Right? Yeah.
And part of me was like, wait. Am
I kinda being a bitch
about this? And is this a version of
that? And the moment
Evie pointed out there's no fucking context left.
Then I was like, no. Because
nobody's gonna ask this trad wife what a
day caller
is. Right? Because she's gonna go, this is
a sign of my submission. And now people
are wearing air quote day collars. And Evie
pointed out in her video, she was like,
typically if you first of all, day collars
aren't supposed to be clockable most of the
time. It usually is like a necklace or
something kind of in a Yeah. Little thing.
But she said, we're gonna hit a point
where people are gonna see that day collar
and before they assume you're kinky
because maybe they're not kinky, they're gonna assume
you're a trad wife. And what if that's
the last fucking thing you want to assume
you got? And I was like,
you're fucking right. Because it's not a necessarily
a shared experience. The trad wife community is
not coming to the kink community to go,
let's talk about these terms. There's overlap. No.
No. No. No. And see, that that to
me with with the collar with the day
collar thing,
that's not even a matter of becoming mainstream.
Oh, no. Okay? Because, you know, it it
loses
its its meaning. Mhmm. And basically, what that
that is is it's being watered down and
diluted.
Yes. I agree.
And there's
and I don't like
for I don't personally like to make decisions,
even though sometimes I still do, based on
what a group might think. But I can't
help but think about the fact that if
trad wives, not all of them, and even
the person who Evie showed in her video
said, this is not all trad wives. This
is a thing I do. But others will
adopt it because there will be an appeal
to it. Right?
All I could think is, you know, the
the anti kink
feminist
and anti kink people in general, but the
ones who call themselves feminists, right,
automatically don't like the idea of a collar
on a submissive because they're assuming all submissives
are women and there's definitely problems with that.
Yeah. Can you call yourself feminist if that's
what you do? But whatever.
But now, trad wives who already, like,
lack of consent Mhmm.
Assumed roles, you know,
some sometimes
too often traumatic and and abusive and, like,
all these awful things. Mhmm. And now they're
gonna be using the the terms about collars.
It's like, I don't want
y'all
painted in the same light as me. You
know what I mean? Like, I don't want
that in general, but
I don't like the trad wife thing is
mostly not always, but mostly not a good
thing. Yeah. And now you're gonna take this
thing that kinksters have to fight tooth and
fucking nail
to normalize within themselves. Not Not like around
the world. We wear day collars because we're
trying to like not be clocked.
But there's already some shame and inherent concern
that people who wear collars have to fucking
overcome.
And now we've got this side that the
trad wife thing that almost kink
people's views on what they think
kink is. And you're gonna fucking use our
term?
And use our symbol? Like, fucking hell. Yeah.
Because somebody saw something on the internet and
they took something out of context. Now here's
here's something I would like to say Mhmm.
At this point after having all this Mhmm.
This conversation.
For a long time,
I was of the camp that it would
be nice to see kink mainstream.
Mhmm. Okay? Mhmm. Alright.
And
anymore,
I think I've kinda changed camps on that
thought. Okay.
And here's why.
Just for this reason to see this stuff
become mainstream it becomes watered down. It loses
the meaning of what it is. Mhmm. So
it it
I it's not a fact a matter of
the fact that it would be nice to
see kink
mainstream.
No. It would be nice to see it
accepted.
Yes. Okay. Yes. That's a difference. Agree.
Accepted
for what it is and for the people
who live it and practice it. Yes. So
that you could just
if somebody found out you were kinky, it
was not like the fucking end of the
world for you job wise, marriage. Correct. You
know, whatever whatever. Mhmm. Yes. I I do
agree with that.
I think that
the normalization
conversation over the different cycles Mhmm. There's some
similarities. There's there's some stuff. There's some stuff.
I I have notes.
So
but I go back to what Evie said
because I I have notes on this that
go with it. So Evie was talking about
the collar, but basically, they take these things
out of kink and strip all of its
context away. So then it becomes meaningless and
people have assumptions, but they don't have they
they don't even know what they're really talking
about. But people and then my personal pet
peeve is people who do understand the terms
and where they come from. Now we're gonna
conflate
kink with this bullshit thing, whatever. I like
that. Okay. So to me, that sums up
all of these different TikTok trends and
and larger trends that we've talked about.
I I came across a study while I
was doing
the research to kinda like make sure I
was talking about the right things in the
right timelines.
And the study was not about this. It
was actually looking at,
it's a 2023 study by Jenny
Sundin. I think it's how they say their
name. I don't know. They are they had
a little, like,
squiggle over one of the letters in their
names and I don't know how you pronounce
those and I just we're going with it.
They their study was about a Swedish digital
platform for kinksters. Okay? Okay. They were studying
something completely different about how people are interacting
and and how,
you know, their worlds are meshing between
doing something, in an online kink community versus
whatever else. But what they said about the
study,
I think parallels to kind of what we're
talking about and some of why and how
this kind of stuff is happening. I linked
to that study for anybody who's interested, but
this is the quote right from the beginning.
So this study, but let's take these trends,
looks at digital kink expressions at a moment
when kink communities
are both
marginalized
and seemingly mainstream,
navigating a tricky balance between visibility and invisibility,
intelligibility
and unintelligibility.
And I went,
yeah. That tracks. Mhmm. Because
kink is just mainstream enough that people know
terms. They read some smut. They watched 50
Shades something. They watched some porn. Yeah. They
know terms. And they know it's edgy. And
they know they can say these things or
do these things. And it'll go viral and
it'll be this. But they don't even have
the context. And so those of us who
are over here trying to, like, be kinky
people in the world
are either having the lack of context understanding
of these terms thrown at us, like,
that's what this is. It's like, that's not
what the
fuck it is. Or we're like, I don't
even wanna be associated with this way you're
using my kink concept.
I can't even show myself because it's been
bastardized so bad because the context is gone.
Mhmm.
So,
yeah, I thought that quote was amazing. I
was I'm always happy to find legit studies
in journals that are not from 1999
about kink. There are probably more out there
than you realize. Yeah. So let's talk about
this. This is, I think, with my notes.
Yes.
I know it looks like a lot but
I had to like put my thoughts down
so they didn't vanish into the ether.
About
because my opinion is whether kink is being
air quote normalized at all, I think is
up for debate. Okay?
So let's go through
my my points. So one of the things
I thought about was that erotic writers publish
kink smut
because it's profitable and people want to read
it. But at the same time,
smut is in romance is still, even though
it's a multi billion dollar industry, still absolutely
fucking looked down upon. Yeah. Because it's the
thing that primarily, but not only, women enjoy.
And so therefore, it does not necessarily get
the amount of respect that it should. Then
you add that sub niche of kink into
it. Well, we're all just horny bitches who
aren't getting laid in this, you know, whatever
the the
the crap is that people say. Yeah. But
the kink smut is being written. Not always
well,
but it's being written for profit.
Maybe that's a normalization
thing, but it's not because it's not like
everybody's reading kink smut. It's not like kink
is infiltrating
our contemporary
literature or
science fiction or you know what I mean?
It's it's for the most part, its own
subgenre
that is profitable and that is why some
people write it. Some people are only writing
it because they're gonna make money off of
it. People weren't reading it. No one would
write it. Which is fine. I think you
can just create things because people won't buy
it from you. That's not a problem. But
that does not, to me, speak to
air quote normalization.
Mhmm. That's a profitability and a subgenre and
a sub niche of specific
types of readers. Many of whom don't want
anybody knowing what they're reading anyway.
Because it's not really normalized. It's not really
like, it was fine when everybody, air quote,
was reading 50 Shades because it was it
felt like literally everybody.
Right. But
not you know, you can form your own
groups of friends and communities where you're, like,
very open about what you're reading. Please do.
I think that's a great thing. But that
don't mean you can walk up into the
boardroom tomorrow and nudge, nudge your bestie from
down the hall and talk about the, like,
unhinged smut you just read. I think you've
maybe not a business setting. I think you
should be able to, but not a lot
of people are gonna be comfortable about that.
Because even if you were not engaging in
kink That's after work when you're at the
bar having a drink. Even if you were
not engaging in kink, the fact the fact
that you can find it enjoyable
for some people is still taboo. Because some
people can't handle the fact that sometimes some
of us are reading about people fucking. Don't
close the door. Don't turn out the lights.
I want all the details.
Like, we still have we have writers who
every reader should be able to find the
kind of book they wanna read and so
you have to market that blah blah blah.
But the closed door romance is off or
the there's just no sex in it at
all
gets marketed as a quote clean romance,
which is a separate pet peeve of mine.
It's not about this. But you see, like,
for people to want to differentiate themselves just
from sex in general,
Right? To
kink is now a selling point. It's a
marketing point to find the audience, but, you
know, not everybody is, like, walking around proud
and happy. Those of us who have a
few fucks to give, those of us who,
you know, have supportive
communities. Yeah. Yeah. Right. But,
you know, it's popular, but that doesn't to
me, that doesn't mean normalization is what I
think I'm trying to say there. Okay.
Okay. So here's the thing and I this
is a guess.
Okay?
It's it's a guess from
my limited understanding of the Internet age. So
there could be a better take on this.
You might have a better take, but here's
here's what I came up with.
So I tried to do a search to
see if anybody had compiled this and I
couldn't because I was like,
are
more movies, shows, series, whatever,
being made to include kink,
or does it just seem that way? Right?
And I tried to search that. If anybody
was compiling, I could not find where that
was. So
my theory currently, I'm happy to change my
mind if I get a new way to
think about it, that it seems like more
movies and series and shows have a kink
theme.
But maybe that's just because the digital age
makes information more accessible.
And in the past, the only kink media
that caught air quote this, everybody's attention
was what was so popular. Like, just to
hit the site like
some news station somewhere when there's this movie
called Secretary Out. What the hell is that
about? Right? And did we just miss all
this other content that was being created because
we didn't have access to a Google search?
You know what I mean? Yeah. Like, the
the movies were being made at whatever rate
they were made across time, you know, whatever.
And the ratio of has kink, doesn't have
kink. Is that
similar
or has it actually increased?
If it's increased, we go back to is
it because BDSM has been normalized
or if it's because it's a profit maker
because Mhmm. Of all the different reasons people
might consume that media.
And I don't know. I mean, what what
do you think?
You would have seen more of a time
of
pre Google media than even than I would
have. So
I mean,
there
to find stuff like that,
I did not come across
it that much
because to find stuff like that, you would
have to have access to an adult
store? Sure. To find it in porn. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Well, even magazines or anything at that time.
No. But I mean, like, I'm thinking, like,
mainstream ish kind of movies. Movies that would
have been released in a theater somewhere.
There there were a few in the eighties
that I remember, basically, that had and it
wasn't that they the movies were themed around
it.
It was there were little snippets of things.
Like, I I cannot remember the name of
the movie, but,
it was one of those
eighties movie and they had the,
the trope of the quiet librarian.
Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. After hours becoming, you
know, the big d and Mhmm. You know,
kind of thing. So, you know, there were
things like that seen in the movies Mhmm.
Back then.
If you wanted to seek, you know, kinky
stuff out,
beyond, like, your playboy penthouse, then you're diving
into your stuff like hustler magazines and Sure.
Your hard work. Even ones beyond that. Sure.
You know?
So
is it more or less I I think
it's just more noticeable.
And it's
certainly more easily to find. Easy more easily
to find because there is more avenues.
You know, let's
let's face it. We have seen,
number number of younger people coming into the
community, and they have been you know
digesting this information
you know because it's out there free to
find
you know between between podcasts
and and YouTube's and you know, everything that's
out there anymore, it's it's easy to find.
And I would say there's absolutely with the
Internet age, a proliferation of information, of resources,
because there's websites and there's books and there's
YouTube channels and there's videos that aren't YouTube
and whatever.
I
for me, I'm thinking more of ratios
because
the Internet is, like, seemingly endless. So, yeah,
you can find
numbers wise. Yes. But, like, if I was
looking at okay.
Kink communities back in the day, you found
people through literal classified as Yes. In the
back of, like, a magazine. Right? Well, numbers
wise,
percentages,
there are almost, if any, none of that
today because you don't need that. You go
to do a different format of the same
thing. Right? But not every single person sees
the same things either. It's it's part of
the interesting thing about
everything
ever is there. Yeah. But one human being
can never see everything everywhere. We find a
few some of us find a few things
and we gravitate, but everybody's got their own
thing to gravitate to. True. True. I will
probably never get the answer to any of
that. It's just it's just a thought exercise.
But, you know, I think in more the
past few years, I think we are going
through so
sorry, Swiss cheese brain.
So when I was trying to to see
if anybody had compiled this by number, are
we producing more movies that have a BDSM
theme? Are there more whatever whatever. Right?
What I did come across were lists that
people had compiled themselves. It was not like
research or, like, science backed. It was just
people doing their own thing with some Google
searches and their own knowledge, and they were
compiling lists of BDSM movies over decades. Right?
And some were, like, 10. Some there was
one that was 55. There was one that
was 70. Right?
When I would go to look,
one, the the heavy hitters, the secretary, the
future, they were always on the list, always
story of o, always on the list. But
what I noticed in terms of time periods,
in every decade from the sixties forward, there
was always
at least a couple
that
went were available enough or well known enough
that somebody could, like, find it and watch
it and go, oh, this was a kink
thing. And so I found that interesting is,
like, we go through these cycles Mhmm.
Of kink bubbling up to the surface a
little bit more. And and, you know, just
just to think just to think say
Uh-huh. I know.
You know, going back to talking about kink
in in in mainstream and stuff,
go back even a step further
to your to Bettie Page. Mhmm. Think about
Bettie Page. You know?
She became famous for There were a couple
of movies about her. Yeah. With and with
she came up on my list of movie
content a few times. Yeah. Mhmm. So, you
know, it it,
you know, it it's been. It's it's it's
been there. It's not that's the thing. I
you know, we know that. Anybody who's had,
you know, time on the Earth Yeah. Enough
time on Earth can go, no. This is
not a new concept, and it's typically new
for the people who didn't know what it
was. So I'm never surprised when I would
find a movie from the sixties and certainly
from the seventies, blah blah blah. Right. I'm
thinking more in terms of sheer volume. I
wonder if what's happening between the twenty teens
to now
is that we're still in that same cycle
of kink bubbling up, but it happens more
quickly now because things go viral on Tik
Tok and Yeah. You know, becomes part of
the, you know, mainstream conversation about things. Right?
And so
I probably yes. More con more mainstream content
movies, baby girls, sanctuary. Sanctuary was from 2023,
baby girls from what, 2024?
Don't think it was this year, was it?
Whatever.
The there is a new movie coming out
or is out that I'd like to see.
Supposedly a romantic comedy.
So the prem I cannot remember the name
of the movie.
The premise that I've seen is
these two people, they're dating. Okay? They've been
dating a while. They go away on like
a weekend trip to like a cabin in
the woods kind of thing. She thinks they're
becoming serious that they're exclusive. And he does
that typical dude bro thing of, oh, I
I didn't think it was that serious. But
he has the poor timing to tell her
that. I believe while he is handcuffed to
the bed in a kink scene.
And she refuses
I think initially she refuses to unlock him
and leaves she's still doing stuff. Like, I
don't think she leaves this capital. Yeah. Her
best friend her I think her best friend
comes to like hell and his ass is
hooked to that fucking bed. Like, this whole
weekend apparently. Wow. I I cannot remember the
name of the movie. I don't know if
it's out yet or if it's gonna be
released soon. I kinda fucking wanna see that.
Yeah. Because I don't, like, I don't
love kink being made the butt of a
joke or
like the the
the evil person is always the kinky one.
Or, like, I don't well, of course, I
don't like that. But
but there there's a part of me that's
like,
I think that might be fitting.
I'm wearing the way you treated somebody. But
so
that's an aside that does not have anything
to do with this. But, you know, those
kinds of concepts and movies are they're coming
out Mhmm. Seemingly faster and faster.
So maybe, yes, the answer is, yeah, there's
more content now. Not just because the Internet
exists, but because
the the mainstream conversations around kink are happening
faster and faster and more and more.
And so
it all it kind of just expands from
there. Yeah. Does that make sense? Yeah. And,
you know, I
I I think to
to a a certain
extent,
let's be honest because, you know,
Hollywood and everything is regurgitating
so many things. They're looking, you know, to,
you know, they're they're looking for the next
best thing that's gonna bring people in to
to watch.
So, you know, I I guess it stands
to reason that, you know, something like that
would be It does tend to be the
more independent or the smaller studios.
A 24, I think, is the name of
the
movie production. I I just know a twenty
four. They do more of, like, the independent
kind of like, they're not just
doing all the nostalgic, let's do the third
version. I saw a thing that said Toy
Story five is coming out next year, and
I almost cried. I was like, what are
we doing? Yeah.
So so yeah. So I I think that's
a reasonable people can disagree on that one.
You know, it's I know it
feels like there's more. I just wish there
was, like, research done and a hardcore answer
because that would just make me happy. Yeah.
So here is a thing we've kind of
been was saying a few times and it's
sort of we're talking about, is it being
normalized? This is a a thought I had.
Is kink so widespread,
like, becoming so common amongst just people in
their own fucking bedrooms Mhmm. That it inevitably
goes viral
because there's just so many people doing it
and talking about it. Or is it more
that non kink creators are going viral because
they've stripped the context out of a kink
term because they wanna appear edgy and they
know that it'll do numbers and it'll get
people's attention. And I that's probably an unknowable
answer. Yeah. But, like, it's more of a
what does it feel like to you? And
I don't
I do think
from my personal view, it does feel like
more people
in general are kinky
than my mind could have
conceived of. It's not like
75%
of the world is kinky. I don't I
know there have been some studies done. They've
tried to extrapolate
what that percentage is, and I don't remember
anymore, like, a recent number. It wasn't really,
really small, but it wasn't really really big.
I do think as people get more access
to information, there is more of a willingness
to experiment.
And so some of the studies I've seen
people talk about are like who has tried
a kink thing. But when we're talking about
the mainstreaming of conversation
and a lot of these things start in
a place like TikTok or just social media
in general,
you
know, is there a sense of where it's
coming from? And I I don't really have
a clear answer for that.
Yeah. And maybe there isn't a clear answer
for that.
But I think it's worth thinking about. Because
when you see a concept go viral,
if it can be backtracked to the original
creator
Mhmm.
Was that
somebody who just set a term that
they don't like, they're not connected to, they
couldn't define for you if you bait them.
Bless you. Excuse me. You know? And so
all they did was did a little taboo
thing and went viral. Or Mhmm. Can, you
know, a kink creator get be fortunate enough
to actually get picked up by an algorithm
and them explaining a concept or or just,
you know, presenting a concept is what goes
viral.
Viral. I who the fuck knows? It probably
changes from day to day.
I'm sure. Yeah. Now, here's my final one,
and we did say it earlier, but I'm
putting it here at the end about the
normalization.
Here's my thought on it. You tell me
what you think. Okay. So to me, kinky
sex. Okay. Not BDSM, not power just
kinky, like, the kind of sex that's not
air quote, what however you define this, air
quote typical. Right? When it's stripped of context
and consent
Mhmm.
Is absolutely, there's no doubt, creeping into mostly
younger people's, but not always, young people's expectations
of sex.
In my opinion, that has nothing to do
with the normalization of kink. Mhmm. And it's
if not fully due to this, it is
large part because people are have unfettered access
to porn before they ought to. Right.
And are also being denied access to comprehensive
sex ed. So porn is gonna show you
the kinkiest fucking shit, but it's not gonna
sit you down and give you context about
it. You might only be watching a two
minute clip that was, you know,
pirated from somewhere else, and now the creators
are not even getting fucked. There's all kinds
of problems with some kinds of porn. But
Mhmm. You know, we know
kids
way too young, not even legal, up to
through, like, mid fucking twenties to a certain
extent are using porn to learn about what
they think sex is supposed to be because
no responsible fucking adult in their life is
talking to them about it. And then it's
showing up in these studies where, you know,
people are just getting choked and that they
think they've they've learned to expect it. And
they're spinning and they're just learning to expect
it because they've got this false
view of what sex can be with none
of the discussion about it. Like, a a
porn
actor's job
is to present the fucking fantasy to do
their job. Yeah. And the the people making
it their job is to get it on
camera in the most, air quote, this appealing
way.
Their job is not to fucking
enough so that the masses walk it. Right.
The people who want that kind of porn.
Yeah. Right. It is a parent's job to
and we have failed at it a couple
of times. I know we have. It's a
parent's job to watch
at their kids access to the fucking Internet.
And if they are watching porn, and we
have been there, you deal with it and
you educate your kids about sex. You know
what I mean? Like, but not everybody can
or will do that. So it's not that
kink is mainstream.
Well, even going back It's that porn is
mainstream. Even going back
ten, fifteen years ago at this point,
grade school kids
were accessing porn. That's been happening. Yeah. That's
been happening for a while. Yes. Been happening
for a while.
Mhmm. And, you know, that's
some of these things kinda trick
ripple back and forth. You know? Things happen
in porn, and they somebody starts talking about
it in a non
kink you know, in a TikTok, and it
goes viral. And, you know, things that get
mentioned
that went viral, somebody's now on their favorite
porn site doing a search for that term,
and they're getting inundated with
all of the
the things that might be out there about
it. And, again, what is happening is all
this kink stuff is
zero context. Yeah. So people who are coming
across the information because they have access to
it,
because no responsible adult in their life is
paying attention. And I do not say that
with judgment.
I was not the responsible adult paying attention
for
too long in a situation, and we are
still dealing with it.
You know? And so then these concepts
trickle up
Mhmm. From people who watch porn, think that's
normal sex, now they're talking about it. It's
getting normalized, but it's not kink being normalized.
It's really not. Not not
in my view. Mhmm.
So is there a normalization?
I do know that
once I watched I saw this in the
kind of the Google searches.
After
the
pathology
oh, gosh.
The pathology of BDSM was pulled from the
DSM. I think we're on the DSM five
now.
And they Yeah.
You know, BDSM, like, just being a practitioner
is not, like,
a mental illness. It's not a diagnostic thing
anymore. Right?
Around that time as the as that version
of the DSM was coming out and then
in the year since,
mental health professionals
will often
try to air quote normalize
BDSM in the content that they create in
an effort for people not to
be diagnosed incorrectly, be mistreated by health care
professionals,
that kind of normalization, more of fucking that
shit. Right? I mean,
I
I hate that we live in a world
and I know this is not just true
of kinksters. This is true of any marginalized
community. And
I don't like to classify us as marginalized
in the same way that, you know, other
people are definitely marginalized.
But the fact that it's like, can I
go see that therapist and can I even
tell them that I'm kinky? If I tell
them that I'm kinky, will they just like
accept it and roll with it, but then
do I have to fucking educate them or
you know, like
it's there's still a there's a barrier to
it to some degree,
because,
you know, even people who understand, okay, I
can't diagnose you with a mental illness because
you're kinky,
doesn't mean they're looking at you like, but
I still think you are a well rounded
human being. Right?
So I have seen, like not that it's
the best site ever, but it's
sometimes decent. Psychology Today and some of those
other, like, psychologist
based, therapy
based sites, the general information.
I've seen them try to talk about the
normalization of kink, but that's from the the
mental health professional side of things. And I
think that's a worthy endeavor. Please fucking let's
do that. Let's talk more openly in these
surveys and these studies, mostly surveys by sex
toy companies, but sometimes it's just like a
legit study of how many people are actually
just trying a kink thing, exploring kink, looking
up something about BDSM. I think those conversations
are
good
to have. Those studies are good to have
and promote because it does show you're not
the only kinky bitch in your town. I
promise you. I promise you. Yeah. I promise
you in a town of 10 people, you
still are probably not the only kinky one
in it. Alright?
So
I you know, can we answer the question?
My boring answer is I think it's context
dependent.
Yeah.
But I don't think we're we're fully mainstream
and normalized yet because you can still lose
your job. You can still lose custody of
your children. Mhmm. You can be shunned by
your family. You know?
Again, it is in no way the same
level as other marginalized communities, and I will
not pretend otherwise.
But people do have to protect their privacy
and their safety so that they know they
still have a fucking job to go to.
And that's not nothing. So that tells me
right there that it's not mainstream. Right. Not
fully. Nope.
This went way longer than I expected. Yeah.
Do you like, you feel like you said
everything you wanted to say? Okay.
We will do a bonus section. I can't
do a twenty, thirty minute ramble though because
my piece of cake from our little sheet
cake I made is waiting on me. Yeah.
And it's almost it's almost too late in
the evening for me to wanna have dessert.
Right. Yeah. Yeah. But we will do a
bonus section. Okay. So, are we good? I
have no idea. Keep it kinky, y'all. And
we'll see you next week.
Daddy.
Yes, baby girl. Can we talk to the
crickets instead of talking at the crickets? Actually,
you can talk to the crickets for a
moment, and I'll be right back. You already
left me once. Yeah. I know. My girl.
I know. I know your girl. I know
your girl.
She was, ramping up because she it was
time for her to get her,
you know, she gets her one high value
treat. I know. And she does not have
patience for having to wait for that damn
thing. No. She does. She knows. She knows
she gets it. That's her piece of cake
Yeah. Equivalent of. Yeah. Yeah. I'll be right
back. Okay.
So
if I was a good content creator, I
would have ended before we came into the
bonus section and said,
tell me what you think in the comments.
I do mean that, but
I don't know. I'm not a good content
creator.
I'm a great yapper.
I do find it hilarious that the term
yapping has either
bubbled up from, like,
some layer of younger than me slang,
in some recent time because I hear it
now all the time. And I'm like, yeah.
I too. I too like a good yap.
But I remember saying that word four hundred
years ago.
I don't
I think it was used as an insult
then. I don't know. I don't know.
So
yeah. Silent. You're trying to
oh, there's a term I can a phrase
I was thinking of and I can't think
of it because I use all of my
brain cells to to do the episode.
If I ate
cake
while streaming slash recording the podcast, the podcast
listeners would definitely know because because I don't
take dainty bites.
I do mostly remember not to talk with
my mouthful.
But also the it's chocolate cake, and then
there'd probably be chocolate in my teeth. And
YouTube, you would get to see that, and
nobody wants to see that.
But I am looking forward to my cake.
I am sad it's the last little bit
of cake. I what I need to do
is get back on my ice cream rotation
now that the cake is gone. Mhmm. We
will have cake again next week because the
15 year old becomes the 16 year old.
Yep.
I went to order
their cake today,
and they're getting
it's semi custom. Like, it's a design that
Publix already had on the books, but they
didn't usually do it in the size I
was asking for. And then I was
the person was like, do you wanna change
the color on this? And I went, yeah,
I'd like that blue to be more of
a pastel
and less whatever that is.
And there was a pink on it and
I was like, you know, I'd like that
pink to be a little darker.
And she's writing it. I'm like, I know
that's so not specific at all. Just do
the best you can.
Just do
Yeah. She was like,
okay.
So
yeah.
The birthday present is I have not gotten
an updated on tracking. Just ordered the birthday
present today.
But when I ordered it, it said it
was estimated
to arrive
on the child's birthday. Oh gosh. It's like,
they already can't I mean, they already know
what they're getting. They sent me the multiple
links, and then I had to, like, ask
clarifying questions. So it's not really a surprise.
So that's okay, though.
I could've sworn there was something I was
like, oh, that's good bonus section material.
I look. I Silent said it in live
stream, and it's true. I I did not
expect a rant in this one. Yeah. Can
you talk about the the whole trad wife
concept?
Apparently apparently, I get heated.
You know what? And it's not because of
how people structure their lives. It is the
lack of communication and consent. It's the expectation
setting that's just
Mhmm. So if we end up doing the
episode where we're comparing, like,
you know, trad wife, fifties housewife, domestic just
like the
I I
yeah. I'll probably get heated.
I'll probably get pissed off. So
yeah. Mister Spock, I did not mean I
did not want to wait this long to
order said,
said birthday present, but
we had to recover from our summer slump.
Yeah. And then we had to sell some
shit, and we did. We had a sale.
A good sale. Still going. Labor Day twenty
five, save 15% off at the kangaroo.com.
But yeah.
And he has some money to hit the
account, then I could be like, let me
go order that.
Mhmm. I meant to order it yesterday, but
I forgot how banks work after a holiday.
And
so
but yeah.
You know,
the youngest is a very low key kinda
kid on certain things,
But
are we having a oh, we're having a
video problem again? Yeah.
It's weird. They like like me, they do
not want anybody to sing
happy birthday to them.
They do not want a lot of focus
and attention. They don't wanna be perceived.
But they do want cake,
and they want what they want as a
gift.
It's cash. It's Steam gift cards. Their grandmother
hooked them the fuck up. That was a
big old Steam gift card. And then it's,
this gaming mouse.
So, anyway,
so, yeah, that'll be before we,
that I don't know what day of the
week the tenth is. It might be a
Wednesday. No. No. Neither. I don't remember.
I that feels correct that the tenth is
a Wednesday, but I that is a date.
I'd just like the oldest, I don't forget
their birthdays. I don't forget JB's birthday. I
might not know what day of the week
it is, but I know the number.
So Indeed it is.
Mhmm.
Okay.
So,
oh, that'll be interesting for the stream.
Yeah. Because we usually do a special dinner
out.
That'll be interesting. Mhmm.
So, yeah, that's our next that's our next
thing. Yep.
So if we schedule the stream a little
later next week, that's why.
We're letting the soon to be 16 year
old have a birthday dinner and their birthday
cake. Right. And then they're done with us.
Like, once they open their present, they don't
fucking want us anymore. We don't we don't
we don't exist anymore. Done. Done. Let them
go back into their cave. Right.
But
so yeah.
Since whatever it was I was thinking of,
I can't remember. I don't have much. Do
you have anything?
I don't have a whole lot. I don't
do a whole lot except work. I know.
Yeah. I bet you, like,
bust an ass. Work and play Terraria when
I can.
The last week, we complained about the piles
of wood. They are less because finished those
paddles, but they're I'm staring down the barrel
of another pile of wood behind the camera.
Mhmm.
I've been I've been making
paddles.
In between. I would still been
putting out some Halloween
decorations. Which I've got to Mhmm.
Get up on your Etsy shop. And I've
I've started on the Christmas, and then there's
the Hanukkah stuff, and Mhmm. I got all
kinds of stuff keeping me busy right now.
Mhmm.
Yep. I managed to to find some focus
and energy, and I've it just means that
I've been busy again. And I'm like,
I don't wanna do this
stupid stuff.
That's okay. Hey. Hey. I actually got on
and made took a phone call
today to do something I needed to do.
And it was an important one, and it
was one of those things where it was
a phone call. It was not actually for
me. It was for somebody else, which means
I could do it then. If it had
been just for me, couldn't do it. But
then after that, I needed to make more
phone calls.
And the first two I tried to make
went nowhere. Either it was like a crazy
hold time or it was like it was
sending me the runaround on the automated thing,
and I went I'm I've hit my threshold.
These things can stay undone for right now.
I did the important phone call. These were
bonus phone calls.
I'm done. I'm done.
I will have to do them, though.
So whatever.
So, yeah, I think that's that's all I've
got, if that's all you've got.
Mhmm. So then we we will go and
eat cake. Cake.
Cake.
That was that was enthusiastic. We might come
to next week's stream with, like, frosting around
our mouth because that'll be birthday cake. And
I picked a design that has
lots of frosting. Mhmm. Lots and lots of
frosting.
Anyway, so we will go. Mhmm. Thank you
all for being here with us. Thanks. Especially
to the bitter end. Mhmm.
Always always a good time hanging out with
y'all. Yeah. And we will do this again
next week. Mhmm. Okay. Bye. Bye.