You're listening to Loving BDSM podcast episode four
fifty two. Kayla Lords here with the one,
the only, the why didn't we think to
get you your comfy chair while we record
sooner, John Brownstone? I don't know. Like, you've
been with a bad back
suffering
through a not comfortable chair. I wouldn't say
suffering, but uncom not fully comfortable. But Since
2020.
That's me being a service miss of who's
of service
and trying to take care of her
daddy. Anyhoo. Anyway,
this week,
fun fact, we are celebrating the fact that
I finally got access to the Loving BDSM,
email account
You're welcome. By answering the questions in our
inbox. Actually, it was twofold. First, there was
a server change and I couldn't log in.
And then
three weeks after we finally got that fixed
or took three weeks to get it fixed,
then
I couldn't get the actual email app on
my Mac to open.
But here we are. We have access. We're
gonna answer questions. Actually, there's another couple of
reasons why we're doing it doing this this
time. We'll get into that later.
But, yeah, we're answering a couple of questions.
Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this
is your first time listening, glad to have
you. If you're back for another week, welcome
back. Loving BDSM is produced every Friday for
your kinky pleasure in education, and show notes
are found at lovingbdsm.net.
Come back often and feel free to add
the podcast to your favorite podcast app. You
can also follow the show on Fetlife at
loving BDSM PC. The PC stands for podcast.
On Instagram,
technically
threads at that handle I will forever fucking
hate. Nobody can change my mind. And no,
I can't change the handle to what I
want. That's the problem.
Loving d s and the number one. So
at loving d s one.
On blue sky at loving b d s
m dot blah blah blah
or on YouTube at youtube.com/lovingbdsm
where you can watch us live stream the
podcast every Wednesday. All links are in the
show notes.
Okay. Before we get into,
the episode, a couple of announcements. There are
a few days left,
as of the time I'm actually recording this
and live streaming it, for to enter our
podcast anniversary
giveaway.
It ends at 11:59PM
eastern
on the August,
which I am convinced is August 31.
If somehow the last day of August is
August 30, that's fine.
If it's August,
it doesn't matter.
Whatever the August
is writing the calendars now? Look. We can't
trust me with a calendar, with time and
dates. I don't
know. I don't know. It's
I can look at a calendar
18 times,
but apparently, I need that nineteenth time because
I'll walk away going, I got it. I
looked at the calendar. I know what days
are, and I'll stick my dates wrong. So
August,
11:59PM
eastern.
There are four prizes we're giving away. They're
kind of, like, in levels.
Top prize is a is $50,
to use at the Kinkery. $50 it's technically
like a discount but $50 to use at
our Etsy shop. The next one down is
25 for both of those places. Oh, everybody
is gonna get a tenth.
Everybody who wins is gonna get a tenth
podcast anniversary
enamel pin.
So we're shipping those.
And then the third prize is $10 at
each, and then the fourth is just the
pin.
Yes. You can be located outside of The
US, US,
and enter. We will ship internationally.
But just be of legal age
in wherever you're located, please, and thank you.
So, yeah, that's
technically still going on as of the time.
I'm sitting down and saying this.
I would love to be able to announce
it
fully and officially but by Friday
I think that's the August 29? But god,
I don't know.
Friday before Labor Day, we're supposed to have
a Labor Day sale at the kinkery, thekinkery.com.
Why can I not officially announce it? I
don't even have a coupon code
planned yet, y'all. But there will be a
sale. It is coming. We are frantically restocking.
So Friday is the, twenty ninth. If you
follow the Kinkery on socials, if you,
are subscribed to the Kinkery's newsletter, it will
all go out that way. We will make
a big deal out of it.
So don't worry. But I just felt like
I should slide that in there. That in
there.
Okay. Into the wire. So those are my
announcements.
So let's get into this topic.
Look. I'm
I would not I don't wanna be anybody's
second choice,
but sometimes somebody's gotta be a second choice.
And what we're doing for today's episode is
second choice
because I came up with an idea and
I was mapping out what points we could
probably make. And I was interested in hearing
JB's perspective. And I was like, oh. And
then something
hit me on Tuesday and I was like,
have
we done this episode?
Yes. We did in 2023.
And I don't mind repeating a topic if
we have something new to say, and I
was, like, really into I had planned it
out in my head. I had talking points.
I could have made notes right then,
but I didn't have time to go listen
to the episode from two years ago.
So that we I you know, is this
new information?
So that didn't work.
And then I was, for half a minute,
was really excited that I finally gained access
to the loving BDSM
email account again. There was a server change,
technical jargon, technical jargon, blah blah blah. That
was a journey for you. And it didn't
it three weeks, I could not get into
that inbox.
So I was like, oh, there's all these
emails.
I think we also lost a lot of
emails in the server switch over. But I
was like, I know people ask questions, so
why don't we since we're not doing Monday
episodes right now, which are, you know, for
a while had been a q and a
episode, let's just make this a q and
a episode and go through our inbox
and answer some questions. And that was my
backup while I was, like, mapping out the
topic I wanted and could not do. And
then I could not get into any of
my email on my Mac. And the only
place I accessed the Loving BDSM,
And the only place I access the Loving
BDSM,
email is on my Mac.
I was like
the universe does not want me looking at
email, clearly.
So
that is what we're doing.
So we've got a couple of questions. They're
kind of, like,
meaty. There's, like, stuff there.
So I think that's be, like, hopefully helpful
to the folks who sent in the questions,
and hopefully interesting for us to talk about.
I just heard Lola whine in the background,
so
she may not approve, but that's what we're
doing.
So yeah. So I've got the questions here.
I'll read them. K. We'll see what we
think. I I I looked at them. I
didn't have enough time to formulate
thoughts on it. So Okay. I'm going we're
raw dogging it is what we're doing.
Okay. First question.
I'm in an online DS relationship. It's also
my first kinky relationship.
I've only been owned for three months. Obviously
I'm learning and I'm being trained to be
his fuck toy. He's a great dom, very
knowledgeable, very caring, very smart, very patient, a
great communicator and listener. I trust him, but
the problem I'm having is how to totally
submit to him. I'm very obedient, but I
have needs and concerns, which I communicate to
him a lot. I'm very obedient, but I
don't know how to go about changing my
mindset to his fuck toy.
I'm very devoted to him. I do a
lot of researching, but I have found no
information on the process of full submission. I'm
struggling right now, and I don't wanna come
off as needy to my dom. Any tips
would be much appreciated. You
go first because we
know I I got I got thoughts. I
that I'm not even sure about that one,
but, yeah, that's
No. I I mean, that
you know, there there's gotta be some
definite communication
going on, and it's gotta be understanding and
work with that.
Well, and that's You know? That's the thing.
I would I would love to know the
dom's perspective because Yes. Is this a submissive
who thinks they're failing and their dom is
like, you're doing great. You're doing fine. Right.
We're three months into this. Exactly. That's where
I would you know,
is the uncertainty
and the lack of confidence
from
within, or is it, you know Mhmm. The
dom not building them up and, you know,
having expectations that are too high.
But
okay.
You want me to go is what you're
saying. Okay. Run with it. Run with it.
So a few things.
You're only three months in,
so you you're new. You are a baby
in the relationship or in DS. Doesn't matter.
Three months is early. Okay? Three months is
is still innocent on some things.
So whatever your end goal in mind is
for what kind of submissive you wanna be,
you you're still learning.
You can get there. But
but
you can be
obedient,
and still in the moment,
if it's if it fits you and it's
what you genuinely want and not that you
want it because your dom wants it, be
the air quote fuck toy.
Right? Total submission,
is
are there people out there who can, like,
work it into everything twenty four seven? Well,
sure. Sure. Sure. But in general, most of
us total air quote that total submission, that's
a very subjective term. Mhmm. It sounds like
literally, like, you
do whatever, don't really have your own thoughts,
don't really have your own opinions. In that
moment, you are whatever your dom wants you
to be and they're playing. Right?
That's cool for a scene.
That's cool for
a few moments, but the vast majority of
people do not live like that, can't live
like that, don't wanna live like that. So
that's first.
Second,
being obedient,
being their fuck toy in the moment, whatever
that moment looks like,
never means you don't have needs,
never means you don't communicate them. You always
communicate your needs. Because
this is not just the Dom getting what
they want.
You are supposed to get what you want
out of this as well. Now it is
entirely possible that the fuck toy thing is
not your thing. That total submission is not
actually your thing.
There's that. Also, we're three months in. You're
still new. Right. That could be part of
it. It's online only, which is a very
real thing. I won't invalidate people's, you know,
only online experience,
but it is a different thing than in
person. Yeah. And some mindsets can be harder
to shift for some people because it's online.
I actually do a really good job of
shifting my mindset and and being in the
moment online because now it's like fiction.
And I don't have to say anything out
loud. I don't have to be awkward. I
can, like, type it all. Right?
But other people don't. So there's a there
are a lot of reasons why maybe it's
not working, but it's never because you're too
fucking thing. Okay?
The dom who can't handle your needs is
just not the right dom for you. Right.
And that's all and I would say that
if they're giving you that impression, if they're
making you feel too needy. However, if it
is what often happens to subs, especially when
they're new, where you have an image in
your mind of what you think submission is,
which is no opinions, no wants, no needs,
the dom just knows, they just they do
what they want. If that is the picture
you have for yourself and you're struggling with
it, I'm so grateful you are because,
again,
there are a few exceptions. But in general
now that submission is, yes, I'll do what
you say. Yes, you can do what you
want with me within our negotiated bounds.
But I need to still receive something out
of this as well.
Pleasure,
you know,
fulfillment.
It feels good. Like, whatever.
And if you're not getting that out of
the type of dynamic
this dom wants from you,
you have not done submission wrong.
Like, I'm obedient,
but I got thoughts and opinions,
and that's okay. I'm still submissive. We all
have our, like, style and brand and and
way
of navigating both dominance and submission. There is
no one,
you know, way of doing it, that one
true way bullshit.
The Internet will have you thinking at hell,
sometimes your own community, you'll go to a
munch and there'll be somebody who's like, well,
real doms or if you're a true sub.
I hate that way of thinking because that
doesn't actually work in the real world. Because
it sets you up for some of what
I'm hearing in your question of I'm struggling
to because I can't be this thing,
this, you know, idealized version now. And, again,
I wish I knew. Is it your dom's
idealized version? That's a problem. That's a big
problem. That's not the right dom for you
probably.
Or is it some you got you got
that thought in your head from somewhere else
and you're trying
to be what you think you're supposed to
be.
You're not supposed to be anything other than
what y'all negotiate in your power exchange. Is
that obedient? Okay. Is it in scene when
y'all are, like,
truly, like, having that moment between Dom and
Sub whether it's sexual or not because it
doesn't have to be sexual?
Use use of the term fuck. Lola, agree.
Yep. Use of the term fuck toy, I'm
automatically assuming it's sexual, but it doesn't even
have to be.
You know, you can you can be that
in those moments
if if you want to be and if
it works for you.
But that
I'm now just repeating myself and I got
my blood pressure up.
Because part of it is I don't know.
Are we dealing with the
the shitty dom who's like, oh, I want
all the fun but none of the responsibility.
Yeah.
And I'm gonna make you feel bad for
having wants and needs.
Yeah. No way of knowing. That is very
common. That does happen a lot.
Yeah. But we don't know. Right. Or is
this a submissive who has got this, you
know, picture in their mind of what they
think submission is and they think they're failing
because they're not meeting
that version? Either that version is not a
real version or you're just not there yet.
You're looking at the finish line of the
type of submissive you wanna be and you
haven't had time to grow into it.
But please go ahead and knock out of
your brain the idea that you don't get
to have needs.
You absolutely get to have needs and sometimes
those needs are
I need to slow this down. Sometimes those
needs are,
this thing you assigned to me, this thing
you asked me to do, I can't do,
I don't want to do. No.
Lola agrees.
You're not doing submission wrong when that happens.
You are
your own individual self, your own autonomous
person who is supposed to both give
and receive in this power exchange. That is
where I think a lot of people get
confused. People see that the dom gets what
they want. They have you know, the sub
does for them. The sub lets them do
things, and they get this picture in their
head that that's just how it works. It's
like, no. No. The the exchange part of
that is we call it power exchange.
Exchange implies we're get giving and receiving. It's
a flow back and forth.
So if you're not experiencing or feeling what
you'd like to be feeling as a submissive,
renegotiate,
see if the relationship is even viable.
You know? It it's not always that it's
a bad dom. Yeah.
Sometimes it's just crossed wires of of expectations.
That's another thing. You want to you know,
between the two of you, set expectations for
where you are right now. Three months in
is very, very new,
where you'd like to be in the future,
what you're working towards. But also those expectations
need to be realistic.
Okay? We all have lives outside of whatever
kink thing we're doing. Some of us incorporate
our power exchange into our outside lives. But
even then,
I don't use my submissive voice when I'm
at the grocery store
buying some milk. When I have to talk
to my kid's doctor,
I'm not baby girl. Right?
Now if I got the vibe, sure. You
know what I mean? Like, we we are
full people
with all of the ups and downs and
ebbs and flows, and I get to show
this part of myself to this person. I
have to show another side of myself to
somebody else, and it all has you have
to find a way for it all to
kinda coexist together in a way
that,
you know,
feels right to you, works with the life
you have, works with your personality,
works with your desires.
You know?
And sometimes what a partner wants from us
is not something we can give.
So that's another thing to just think about.
You know? Are they asking you to be
a fuck toy and and that's not actually
your vibe?
That's okay. It just might mean you're not
aligned, that that you're not compatible.
It's also possible you could say to your
partner,
yeah. This fuck toy thing's not working for
me, assuming that was a thing. And they
go, oh, okay. There's so many other ways
I can play. Let's try you
you you don't
know until you have
a conversation. True. It
always comes back to
have a conversation.
Mhmm. Always, always.
But you are never
too needy.
No.
You are never,
too much
because there's you have questions. You have wants.
You have needs. You're not you're uncertain at
times and, you know, something's not quite comfortable.
You get to have all of that.
Full submission,
that's that's a a real subjective term. Yeah.
I think
you and your partner need to decide
between you what that means to you, and
then please remember and understand that in another
relationship or to another
definition is Dom makes all decisions, sub doesn't
do anything the Dom doesn't want them to
do.
And the Dom basically, like, rule
whether it's in scene or it's all the
time,
the dom is the final authority and the
sub basically
doesn't have, you know
I'm not wanna say they don't have wants
and needs, but in the moment, they're probably
not expressing them.
I'm only down with that. If there are
moments outside of that moment, you are expressing
your wants and needs, and they're being
respected.
Right?
Because let me let me say it again.
We all have to be whole ass adult
people
in the world. Right?
And,
I I would like
to have my dom take charge of a
lot of my adult responsibilities,
but we don't we don't live that life.
Right?
So that that's the other thing. Full submission.
What does that even mean to you?
Because it's
immediately going to be a completely different definition
for an online or a long distance relationship
than it is for an in person relationship.
And then it's gonna be dependent on what
does your life look like. Like, what kind
of job do you have? Is it crazy
and your schedule changes all the time? Are
you parenting
kids? Are you
caregiving adults?
That's
gonna
have to be factored in. That's gonna, like,
skew things. Like, you're gonna be
you're you're not gonna spend as much time
in your submissive headspace as you'd like because
you've got these other responsibilities.
Right? So, yeah, the full submission thing, let
let's get clear between you and your partner
on what the hell that means. And, again,
if your partner's never asked for that
and this is you having done your research
and having read something or watched something and
somebody said full submission
and you latched onto that idea. Even if
they did define what they think it means,
you don't have to take their definition and
just apply it to yourself. You you create
your own definition of what full
submission looks like.
And sometimes
it's a, this is not a good fit,
the the thing your dom wants to do
to create full submission, and sometimes you're just
not quite ready. You're not quite there in
that moment. And and it's a a process.
And you just give yourself more time, and
you go more slowly, and you try different
things, and
you keep communicating your needs.
You are not too need I don't I
just I wanna get a T shirt that
just says you were not too needy
because
it's it's true
outs not outside of kink. It's
relationships in general, but man in power exchange,
submissives feeling guilty because they got needs. Like,
what the fuck? I know. I know. And
I get it. I get it. The tropes
and the cliches and the stereotypes
and the one true way ers and the,
you know, the bullshit of it all,
will lead you to
think that. But no.
Your needs and wants
that are compatible with your doms should be
as just as full fulfilled as theirs are.
Point blank period. Might not always happen at
the same time or in the same way,
and there'll be an ebb and flow of
who's getting a little bit more today versus
tomorrow.
But everybody is getting something from this, and
this is supposed to feel good for everybody
involved.
Not just one-sided, not just the dom.
I rambled. You did?
I made myself hot. My blood pressure's up.
What are your thoughts?
Especially as a dom who
has I mean, you've been in many a
a relationship with a sub. It was like,
I'm being I it's too much. I'm not
sure I can tell you what I need.
Am I even a good submissive?
You you've lived it. Yes. I have.
So you're good? Yeah. I said it all.
That's not You didn't. Even remotely true. Well,
no.
For the record, JB's not quite feeling great
for this episode. Yep. That's why I did
different chair and Yeah. Podcast listeners, you can't
see he's in his comfy, like, big boy
chair,
to kinda ease up on his back. Yeah.
Might be him.
Okay.
Let's go into the second question. Good.
Oh, I would like to stop sweating now.
Okay. Now this first line gave me pause.
Mhmm.
Because it was it sounds like underage
folk doing kink, but the rest of the
question reads to me like we're we're after
that now. We're adults now. It's the only
reason I would allow this
to even
see the light of day. Okay? I have
deleted many an email from a literal fucking
child that was like, nope.
If I couldn't send them a resource, delete
that
shit. Okay. So just remember that when you
hear this first sentence. Okay?
I got with my dom when we were
both in high school.
We didn't have a clue what we were
doing, but we tried and failed a lot.
We decided to take a break from all
things BDSM about a year ago. After tons
of research, we feel like we are one
step closer to getting back into the life
the right way this time. Although I'm worried
that I'm a bad submissive because I have
a hard time communicating my wants and needs
due to a past relationship.
How do I get better at telling my
partner what I like slash want
and what I need from them?
Well, first of all,
good for you for realizing that it wasn't
working the way you wanted and stepping back
and regrouping.
That. Yep. Okay. That that that in and
of itself
was very smart thing to do.
So,
you know, now as for your the the
communicating the communicating,
you know, that will probably take a little
work, but
what some of it comes down to could
very easily be that you have not found
your communication
style.
Yeah. And you're not your comfort level. Right.
Because you're gonna say stuff that's very, you
know, makes you feel very vulnerable and kind
of opens you up and kind of cracks
open your soul and you're like, here, let
me tell you my innermost desires. Right. So,
you know, is it, you know That's big.
Yeah. Because it, you know, is
could it be it could be journaling, email
Mhmm. You know.
Some people like parallel talking where they don't
look at each other, you know, like sitting
in a car seat side by side. Mhmm.
Okay. Voice notes to one another. Yeah. That
way it's an asynchronous form of communication. You're
saying the thing, but they're gonna listen to
it and respond to it later, and you're
Exactly. Even even texting. Oh, yeah. Alright. Any
written form Mhmm. I'm a huge fan of.
And and, you know, unfortunately, the the the
part with it, you know, due to a
past relationship,
that that's rewriting bad tapes. Mhmm. That's what
we call them. Yep. That's what we we
call it bad tapes.
And, you know, they're they're
they're a
bitch. Yeah. They can be a bitch,
but, you know, nothing is insurmountable, and you
can work through them. Mhmm.
So But it it takes time. All of
it takes time. Right. It it doesn't happen
overnight. Right. So Time and work. The one
thing
we there's one book we recommend and we've
recommended multiple times, and to my knowledge, it's
both a physical book, an ebook, and I
believe now an audiobook.
Oh. And that is it's called Tongue Tied
by Stella Harris. The whole thing is about
communication
mostly within sex, but certainly within relationships.
There's only a couple of chapters on kinks
specifically, but it all applies,
all of it,
with, you know, a section on like what
is making it hard for you to communicate,
what can help make it just easier in
general. I'm currently thinking of this section on
making sure you you know what you want
so you have a starting
there's a couple things. We say this a
lot. I have we're supposed to have our
communication workbook available on our Etsy shop, but
somebody hasn't gotten that done yet either. So
we do have a we have a workbook
coming
where we put a lot of
some of what we're gonna say in that.
So one,
realize it's gonna take time. You do not
need to have a conversation, one conversation where
you tell your partner everything you've ever wanted
and needed. You can have that conversation
if you both have that bandwidth, but you
don't have to put that pressure on yourself
either. You can be like, okay, we're just
gonna talk about this one thing. Right? Let's
just explore this this one topic, this one
kink, this one knee. Like, whatever.
You can take it slow like that.
It
I love writing
as a form of communication.
That is because
my first, like,
career as Kayla Lords was writing, so I'm
very comfortable with writing.
You do not have to have,
good grammar. You don't have to know how
to to spell. I don't have to be
good writing. And just Just just be able
to get the point across. Get the words
out. You know, get yeah. What I like
about writing, and this can be a Google
DocuShare, it can be a text, it could
be an email, like, it it doesn't matter.
The method does not fucking matter. Right. What
I like about it is you can get
all your thoughts out and then, especially when
it's digital, you can go back and edit
yourself. You're like, oh, did I like how
that sounded? Oh, did I did that even
make sense? Oh, maybe I don't want to
talk about this right now. Take it out.
Whatever.
And then you send it off to them,
and you run away and go do something
else and pretend you did not just write
that and they get to read it and
think about it and figure out how they're
feeling on their own time.
And then you can come together and have
a conversation. So that way they know the
hard thing that you're trying to communicate
and you don't have to do that part
face to face or over the phone or
FaceTime or whatever whatever.
But the maybe the talking about it, whether
it's a negotiation or it's a oh yeah
I thought of that here you know here
are my thoughts and feelings.
You can do that verbally
or
if
both or either of you are struggling with
communication
they can write back a lot of of
shit in our relationship early days because we
were long distance, of course.
We were solving is things between each other
by email, very long emails,
because it was the easiest way to communicate
those things, but also there was a comfort
level to it. It takes a lot of
pressure off if you don't have to look
into their eyeballs
Mhmm. And say the thing that makes you
feel very vulnerable and is scary because you've
never had to say it out loud before.
Take that fucking pressure
Find another way. Now, if we're if you're
like, I'm not gonna fucking write anything down
and or they're not gonna fucking read it,
then it's, you know, it voice recording, voice
notes,
whatever. Right? Or it is on the phone.
Lola agrees. Yep. Or it is on the
phone, even though maybe you live in the
same fucking house, for all I know. But
you're maybe just in the same town.
So you're not looking at one another. Or
like JB said,
Parallel.
Parallel. We've had many a hard conversation
even after all this time together,
driving down the road, not looking at one
another. Yep.
So there's no perfect way to communicate.
There's no rule that says you have to
look them in the eyeballs and say it
out loud. You can find another method. Right.
It's perfectly acceptable. You need you need to
find what works for you. Mhmm. And it's
possible that this is what has happened with
us over time.
I don't use because for a long time,
when we first started living together, we're no
longer long distance, I used writing for when
there was conflict. That was really hard for
me
to say out loud
because all kinds of reasons.
So if I was upset with JB or
if my feelings were hurt or if I
was, you know, having, like, anything less than
a even a neutral
feeling about something, I would write it down
because that was just easier for me. We
have gotten
pissed me
off,
she
said
respectfully.
But do you know what?
A week ago, two weeks ago, I did
send an email because I'd been having thoughts
about
myself as just a human,
but also as a submissive, also within our
power exchange. And I was struggling
to find the words to verbalize it, to
have to say it in a conversation. So
I just wrote it down in an email,
and I was like, I started out with,
it's gonna be long and it's probably not
gonna make any sense, but I gotta get
this out of my head. And it wasn't
conflict, but that email was the first time
I needed to do that in In a
while. Little years. Yeah. Okay?
So it could be something that you move
away from whatever your method is as you
get more comfortable
talking,
you know, face to face or however.
It could be a tool you use for
the rest of your damn life because it's
what allows you to communicate
effectively.
You know? Yeah, yeah, it might be ideal
if you could if you can say it,
if you can look at them while you're
saying, yeah, but maybe that's ideal, but I
don't fuck ideal. I want you to do
what works and get you to the point
where you're saying the thing that needs to
be said.
Now
there is the comfort level of
owning
what you like, what you want,
you know, what you need.
And that
that's a
that will fuck with your communication,
but that to me is a separate thing
from that because
there's the vulnerability of it all. Right? You're
thinking about a past relationship and how whatever
happened, how that shit went down and how
you still feel about it. And even though
you know this partner is different, you that's
where we call why we call it bad
tapes. That's what's playing in your head is
your past experience, and there's that fear of
what if this person
says it like this, does it like this,
does something to remind me of this person
that, you know,
I can't be with for the reasons.
That is a time thing.
That that is pure vulnerability, and
being vulnerable at that level
requires trust, and that takes time. And you
may trust,
this partner because you you've known them before,
previous relationship, previously,
you know, doing kink together, whatever.
But it doesn't stop the little voice in
the back of your head,
from going, but what if what if it
turns out like the other?
So this is where I would like your
partner to listen real fucking close. Okay?
The way
anybody but this in this case, this submissive
is going to get more comfortable sharing what
they want and need and their desires and
whatever they're trying to get out of being
submissive or their kinks or whatever,
you better be a safe place for them
to say the thing.
You
swallow the uncomfortable laugh.
Keep your face fucking neutral and don't, like,
do the quizzical what the fuck because
unless you tell us what the what the
fuck look means, we're gonna interpret it
the worst possible way.
So
if you are in a this is it
doesn't matter, dom or sub. The truly does
not matter, dom or sub. If you want
your partner to be vulnerable with you and
tell you shit, you need to be a
safe person for them to tell shit to.
Yes. Every time. Always. You won't be perfect.
You will sometimes fuck it up. But in
those moments where you can see and feel
and have previous experience with the oh, this
is a vulnerable moment. They are really fucking
trusting me right now.
If it's not a good time and you're
not in a good head space,
you go, okay. I wanna have this conversation,
but we have to I can't do it
right this second because I wanna be able
to be here for you. But otherwise, if
you're like, I could be here,
you
don't don't
fuck around
until you know that it's kinda safe between
you and your partner to, like, giggle about
it or to make a sarcastic remark,
you just be there for them and
be their safe person.
And that's how trust grows and that's how
partners can be more vulnerable with one another.
There's an expression I'd like to use, and
it will not come to my brain. There's
Oh. There's, like, a way I wanna wrap
that up, and Swiss cheese brain strikes again.
But that's that's the thing. It's not just
about the partner who's scared of sharing the
thing or finds it difficult to share the
thing. Yeah. There's some leaps of faith you
might have to take. There's some finding workarounds
if verbalizing
it is too difficult.
Yes.
But also you need to know
that the person you're gonna tell this stuff
to
is is
gonna take it seriously and is gonna treat
you
with respect and treat the topic with the
care it deserves.
So it's not just a you need to
figure something out. This is a relationship
situation. And unfortunately,
there are too many times we come across
people we think we can tell them the
thing, be vulnerable,
whatever, and we find out the hard way
that we cannot.
And then those people are like, I don't
know why this relationship no relationship ever works
out. Well, are you being a motherfucker when
somebody's trying to be vulnerable? Jesus Christ.
Also,
some of us
some people
do not deserve your vulnerability.
True. That's true.
And
I don't want anybody to have the kind
of trust issues I have. I don't think
my trust issues are healthy. I would like
some people
to have a few just a just a
little bit of trust issues,
only to go a little slower in the
the bearing of your soul, to kind of
get a sense of is
does this person deserve it? Have they, you
know, given me enough clues where I think,
okay,
I can I can do this without And
and when you are the
the safe person,
you know, that that becomes an awesome thing
when somebody trusts you that much?
You became my safe person so much that
I fully unmask in front of you. And
you were like, who is this girl?
Right. And and, you know, it it comes
with some funny stuff too and some fun
stuff. So, you know, I'm not yeah.
It does.
Well, poor JB. He's like, why don't you
crack these kinds of jokes and be this
silly in front of others? I'm like, nope.
That's not safe.
No.
There is a part of me that wishes
I could. Yeah. So for this person,
find alternative
methods of communication
to this person's partner,
be calm, cool, and collected when they tell
you something and treat it with the seriousness
that it just not maybe the topic. The
topic might be light, but the
the strength it takes yeah. The strength it
takes to go, oh my god. I can't
believe I'm saying this out loud. Mhmm. Yeah.
Yeah. What's gonna like, that's important. And, also,
do it for each other. Right? Submissives,
just because that person's your dom, they are
not, like,
they're not,
made of titanium.
Like, that's a soft squishy person too,
and they need the same kind of care.
Lola agrees. Lola has a lot to say
tonight.
She she really does.
It's fine. It's I mean, my flow can
be Swiss cheese brain. It's it's fine, Lola.
You you're adding to it, really.
So that that is the thing. Look into
Tongue Tide, if you haven't already. Find your
alternative method of communication.
And then,
yeah, take a leap of faith. Do it
with something small,
smallish, like list out the things you're trying
to to share. And that's another thing. Some
people think they have I think I said
this already. You don't have to say everything
all in one conversation. So kind kind of
think to yourself what are the things I'm
trying to share.
Pick the one that feels
the least scary. Right? The least, what will
they think? The least,
oh my gosh, is you know, am I
allowed
to ask for this? Yes. You are allowed
to ask for whatever the fuck you want.
It's
up to the other person if they will
agree that, yes, they would like to do
that with you too.
But start with the one that doesn't feel
quite as daunting, and that can be your
first leap of faith. I'm gonna say this
thing. How do they handle it? How do
they respond? Right? How do how do I
feel in this conversation?
Did it go well?
The other thing is,
communication skills are bumpy. It's not a linear
path once you like start focusing on them
and trying to get better.
It's a two steps forward, one step back.
And it's like that for you and your
partner.
And
I'm not saying it's always gonna happen all
of the time, but there will be times
when you will both be trying to communicate
the best you can and it's it's clashing.
You're not on the same page. You're not
on the same wavelength.
One of you is misreading something.
Does it mean everything's doomed and It's it's
called go to your separate corners, cool the
fuck off, and maybe you send an email
with your thoughts. That's what We used to
get into those moments.
I'm better now at saying, JB,
we both want the same outcome. We are
on the same team. That's true. And that
kind of resets us. But in the beginning,
I didn't have that kind of confidence to
say that. I didn't even have that thought
in my head yet.
So we would be trying to
do something that we both wanted to do
or have a serious discussion about a thing
that affected and our own lack of communication
was getting in our way. So we would
get upset with one another when that did
not make sense to do. We'd go to
separate corners to calm down. That was the
hardest part
for me because that's some of my trust
issues.
But so what would typically happen is I
would get my thoughts clear and I would
email them or I'd write them on a
piece of paper.
But we would cool off and then we'd
come back. And by the time we came
back,
we we were like, okay. It's us against
the problem, not us against one another.
Now we just give verbal cues. Now I
tend to be better at that than Jamie.
You do.
Jamie when Jamie gets annoyed, he goes inward
and he
fuck all y'all. He is inward now, and
he is self protective.
And I'm over here raising a white flag
going, dude, dude, we could we could solve
this.
So that that's a thing to all That's
my crabby nature. Yes. You are a Cancer.
Oh, my God.
That's a thing to just keep in mind.
This is it's a it's a very
squiggly line of chaos
Mhmm. As your to your path to, like,
get better over time.
And any communication skills you improve on in
kink, they are transferable to every part of
your life.
If you find that you are having to
sort of work with new communication skills in
other parts of your life, like
learning how to
talk to my children, young children, in a
way to help them,
regulate their emotions
actually makes it easier for me to talk
to JB when he needs to regulate his
emotions.
So any communication skill you pick up from
anywhere in life is transferable.
Okay?
So just keep that in mind too.
But
that was our second question.
For anybody who maybe you've never heard one
of the the Monday q and a episodes
we're not doing right now, we're on a
break from them,
that's what they're like. We read the question
and then I go on a rant and
JB says something smart, but he he'll say
his five words. He said what he said,
and he's done.
And then I will be
Swiss cheese brain chaos.
Now we did have another question, and I
was real fucking excited to answer it.
I was going on a rant in my
head, but I was also like, okay. Like,
I was mapping it out. Sometimes when I
read a question, I'm like, okay. The the
brain just starts up.
It's like a, you know, coal powered train
engine.
It's fine.
And then the very last line was, do
not read this on the podcast. I was
like, damn it.
So,
it was there. It was a juicy one.
Uh-oh.
But we do respect that if you're like,
I don't want this. Right. Like, that that's
fine. That being said, because I've lived in
email hell for about a month,
if you have sent in a question,
I didn't get it. It's gone. The Internet
ate it. I
don't know. I don't know where it is.
It's floating out in the ether somewhere.
And if you're like, do they really answer
a quest and you've never sent one but
you're like, oh, I have I have a
thing.
Feel free. The link is in the places.
It's a form you fill out on our
website, but it comes to me via
email.
Mhmm. Yeah. And as I'm sitting here,
it's just now occurring to me.
I think there's a place on our website
where I could go and read them.
All that time, I was, like, freaking out
over emails I could not get to.
I I I believe
there's a in the back end of our
website. Yeah. There should be. As I'm sitting
here Mhmm. I'm figuring that out. God. Better
late than never.
Got there eventually.
Just took me a fucking month.
And recording of a whole podcast and the
the saying it out loud, the verbalizing of
what the hell's going on, and then
and then the light bulb finally came on.
I did the slow dim, like, went from
dim to bright real, real slowly, but that
light bulb did come on. Goodness. Yeah. Hey.
That's, you know, that's all that matters in
the end. God.
Look. I like answering people's questions because I
wanna help folks.
90%
of the time, the answer is please have
a conversation with your partner.
What we tend to add to that is
the nuance of think about these things, consider
that, whatever.
So the majority of it, that's what I
like. I like I like to try to
help folks just from our perspective.
Our perspective is not the only perspective, and
there will be other ways
to
deal with the issues that you face. We're
just gonna tell you what we would do
if it was us.
But also I'm a nosy bitch.
And sometimes
sometimes I have to be reminded
that,
man, there really are some shitty people out
here trying to, you know, call themselves a
dom or a sub. Yeah. In the emails
we get, it tends to be the dom,
but not always.
But also some people will, like,
explain as as the context for the question,
Like, okay. Here's my life situation. Here's the
relationship situation. And I'm like, oh, I need
to get the board out and do the
strings.
It's fast. Like, I'm a nosy bitch.
I
am.
See, I think I learned something about you
tonight. I didn't Oh, that I'm a nosy
bitch? Yeah. But you did not know? No.
Well, I think it's because in public, I'm
really good at overhearing,
but keeping the face real neutral. Because, see,
look, if your face is expressive out in
public, people wanna come talk to you. I
don't want that. No. No. No. I do
not need strangers.
Like, random people.
Crickets? Y'all can walk up to me anytime.
It has happened before.
It was a very weird thing because I
was just trying to get some groceries.
And I'm just a weirdo on the Internet,
and that person was very lovely. It made
me feel very special.
I don't mean that. But, like, if we're
sitting, like, in a I don't know. In
the Waffle House. God, it happens in the
Waffle House a lot. You let your face
get expressive.
Somebody's just gonna come talk to you. I
don't need
I don't need that in my life. Mhmm.
Mhmm.
Yeah.
My
my hearing is not like your hearing is,
like, I don't need a hearing aid or
anything. My hearing's not as good as it
used to be, and also my auditory processing
is not as good as it used to
be. I have to be looking, like, at
somebody's mouth to kinda catch words sometimes.
And it had it took me a while
to learn that that was probably auditory processing
stuff, not, like, am I am I losing
my hearing?
Auditory
processing stuff, not, like, am I am I
losing my hearing? So I don't I can't
overhear
without
looking like I'm very interested in this stranger
where they're having this conversation. Can't do it
quite as much.
It is a little more difficult, especially in
a, busy place. But, yeah, back in the
day, oh, I just like when we used
to go to Starbucks all the time, we'd
sit in those chairs,
and we'd be talking. And when we weren't
talking,
I'd just be listening. I hear all kinds
of shit. All kinds of stuff. I'm a
I am a nosy bitch.
I don't wanna engage with the shit I
learn or hear.
No. No. No. That's called interaction. Who wants
that?
But I wanna know.
It keeps me humble. It reminds me every
I think everybody needs to keep it in
their head that whatever
you are experiencing
is only what you are experiencing, and other
people don't experience the world the way you
experience it. It's true. And a good reality
check for that is to
listen to strangers talk to one another.
Look. I'm not getting up and, like, scooting
in the booth with them to, like, hear
their innermost whatever whatever. But if
if you are within, like, a five foot
zone of me
and your voice is at a volume that
I can hear,
I won't you won't know, but I will
know. And then we'll get in the car
later. I'll be like, oh my god. Did
you hear them? He's like, no. I didn't
hear them. Oh, let me tell you. I'm
just saying I'm a nosy bitch. Just send
the damn questions in.
I am,
it was,
we are chaotic.
Really? I know.
This Who would have ever guessed? Right?
This was random.
I wanted I wanted to do the topic
that I came up with in my fucking
head. And then I have another topic I
wanna do but I have to research on
that. I don't want to
I mean, I don't
sometimes I have to just not know stuff
out loud in front of other people because
that's how you learn
things. But
I have access to the Internet, so I
should if I'm gonna talk about something that
is not my lived experience,
I should, like,
go learn a little bit more about it
and not just be speaking out of my
ass about something.
That's just how I view these things.
So I have another topic I really want
us to do, but I do have to
sit down
and, like And and flush flush it out.
I gotta go learn shit. So Okay.
Anyway, this was our very chaotic episode. Mhmm.
If you have not already, and you want
to, please,
enter our podcast anniversary
giveaway. Mhmm. It's still open until when? The
August,
whatever day that is.
And
we will just keep doing more of this,
but we'll call it a bonus section. Okay.
Okay. So we're all,
I don't know. You don't know? That's not
for me to say. Okay.
Keep it kinky, y'all. And we'll see you
next time.
There are fuzzies Yeah. Just floating through the
air. Mhmm. Oh my gosh. Because
Lola's been
so I have to ask Yeah.
When she was getting her zoomies over there
when she was back in and out, in
and out,
did did you forget we were over here?
No. Okay. Because there was a o in
the background, and I was like I thought
that was for something else. Okay. I was
like, did he forget we were doing a
podcast? No. No. No. No.
No. I I just knew if I didn't
give her
a quick outlet to let off that steam
Yeah.
It was only gonna get worse. Right. That's
the thing. When she started a wooing, she
was calmly laying in her cot. She was
not Yeah. Begging for attention. We were not
ignoring her. She was chilling. And then she
just decided, I am done chilling,
and I will let you know Right. By
singing the song of my people.
Yeah.
So
yeah.
Yeah.
There was a thing. I was like, oh,
we'll talk about that in the bonus section,
and I have forgotten it.
I forgot it.
Yeah. No. No clue. No. Gone. Oh. Gone.
This
I
I don't know if I'm just so used
to Swiss cheese brain
these days.
I call it that because it really does
feel like there are holes in my brain
and, like, the information just falls through one
and it's a black hole and it's gone
and I don't know.
Or I chase thoughts through the holes that
make a maze in my brain. I can
I can take that, analogy a little too
far?
I don't
know if I'm just resigned that every moment
of every day is now a Swiss cheese
brain moment.
So I don't even clock it
or if it did come upon me suddenly
and I went, oh, it's gonna be chaos
for this stream slash recording.
Okay. Because the moment I wanted words to
come out of my fucking mouth, I was
like, oh, no.
No.
The hole's in the cheese. It's just black
holes. Things are gonna disappear.
And I maybe maybe it's I just walk
around all day long like that, but I
don't like,
a lot of the work I've been doing
lately has been very physical. Like, we making
paddles. I've been pouring resin. Like, I don't
have to articulate thoughts to do that. JB
and I are able to get through an
entire day and communicate mostly in grunts, eyebrow
raises, and nudges, you know? Yeah.
At this point in life. So I have
to articulate very much a lot of the
time.
So
it I think the surprise is the same
when I go, oh, yeah. That's right. Let
me be reminded, Swiss cheese brain. Because I
still to this day do not expect it.
I
look.
Look.
I get to look at the thumbnails
from every
YouTube video we've ever done, livestreaming.
And so I get to, through the history
of our channel,
see
our progression
as we've aged.
But I still want to believe
that I am that articulate,
Oh, god. I was, what,
34?
About to
33 about to be 34? 34 about to
be 35? Mid fucking thirties when we started
the podcast, and I could have a thought,
think about a thought,
say a thought to somebody else, and still
remember that thought to repeat it back into
a microphone.
I want to keep believing that I am
that person,
and I am not that person.
I know physically I'm not that person anymore.
I've got the visual proof
in our YouTube studio dashboard.
But verbally,
brain wise, I'm
and it's humbling.
I used to say I had a mind
like a steel trap.
Not anymore.
And I keep asking so
the closest person
I have, like, physically in my life I
certainly know people online and can have these
conversations. The closest person I know physically in
my life who I can, like, get to
whatever whatever, who has gone through menopause is
on the other side. She went through perimenopause,
she raw dogged that, she didn't even know
she was in it. Did not know the
word for it. I'm the one who told
her after she had been in actual menopause
for several years.
She made it through that, hit that
day when you are officially in menopause, and
now she's on the other side. And she's
the only person I'm like, mom. Does it
does it get better?
Do
does your brain come back to you? Can
you hold thoughts in your head again? I
I just need to know. I just need
to know.
Look, I
have learned over time that
I put way
too much
pressure on myself and too much gave too
much weight to my perceived intelligence.
I I mean, I'm I I believe I'm
an intelligent human being, but, like, I was,
like,
I was full of myself about my perceived
intelligence.
I was probably obnoxious about it at certain
points in life.
My early twenties come to mind.
But there are times that I
I'm like, I know I have thoughts. I
know I can have coherent thoughts. But I
will open my mouth to try and speak
usually into a microphone on the Internet where,
yeah, everybody can see it. And I feel
like the biggest fucking dumbass. Like, it's like,
do I even know anything anymore?
I don't think so. And the thing is
is I know that that's not true. Like,
I know that. But when Okay. Okay. When
you know that you used to be able
to have a thought and communicate a thought,
change your thought mid thought, and come back
and remember what the fuck you were talking
about? Yeah. Yeah. It's like
Mhmm.
Am I stupid? I don't think I don't
think I don't wanna be stupid.
And I'm not. Like, cognitive issues like that
have nothing to do with intelligence.
Oh,
it's been an ego check. I'll tell you
that.
Kim asked from my mom what was the
answer. She can't tell me.
She is not forthcoming.
I think
the the only
symptom my mom had in perimenopause that she
understood was a symptom,
and was at least willing to talk to
me about was hot flashes. Like, she was
the the person standing in front of her
refrigerator just letting the cool air waft on
her because
she can pay her if her electric bill
is like a thousand dollars, she does not
care.
She's she's gonna be cool in her house.
Right? So she would just, like, let all
the cold air out of the fridge and
stand in front of it. And she's like,
well, I don't have to do that anymore.
So you're saying you didn't you didn't have
the brain fog?
You didn't you didn't have the other you
didn't have the other stuff, mom? You can't
tell me? It gets better.
I need to know.
I need
to know. Yeah.
Anyone.
Anyhoo.
No. Yeah. It does knock my confidence also
just as a content creator.
Because I'm like, man, I used to, like,
come up with shit.
Now,
maybe? I don't know.
Yeah.
So
fun times this perimenopause
if you,
are going through it too. Solidarity.
Mhmm.
I have to I do have to change
doctors. I realize that.
I was watch look.
I watch YouTube and I look at Instagram
reels. That's what I do for my my
video content.
Man, reels will fuck me up sometimes. But
I got on the perimenopause and menopause side
of the algorithm
and
it was a doctor doing a reel saying,
you know, if you're what you're hearing back
when you're explaining these symptoms that are becoming
like
I don't know if debilitating is too strong
of a word, but some sometimes sometimes that's
the word I can use.
And they're telling you, well, you just need
to sleep more, and you're probably stressed. Right?
They're not taking it seriously. Right? Whatever.
And I've been I don't like my doctor
who gives me my hormones, but she writes
the prescription. Right? But the last visit,
she really did say, well are you sleeping
and are you stressed? And I was like,
I don't know what that has to do
with
the symptoms
will be fine for, like, a month or
two and then they're, like,
not fine and then they're fine and then
they're not fine. I don't
it's a cycle. It's a cycle. It's a
bad cycle.
It's a curly q wine cycle. It's a
cycle. Mhmm.
So, yeah, we're at that point. She's she's
thrown her hands up. She doesn't think there's
anything else she can do. And I know
there is. I've done my research, but she
won't.
So I have no choice. I have to
get a new doctor who will actually fucking
listen to me. Yeah. Yeah. I know. The
the first the first doctor you had was
very good.
I've had in in my life
for the gynecology part. OBG, like the obstetrician,
both of them were excellent. But for the
gynecology part, I've had two
that I would do anything to be their
patient again.
One is up in the pan presumably, I
don't know if she's moved. She's up in
the Panhandle. I'm not driving eight to ten
hours.
I could, but it's not that serious yet.
The other one is in Montana now. So
Yeah.
But, anyway, that's my complaint of the day.
Mhmm. As I I sit here and sweat,
I can't blame a hot flash. My blood
pressure went up because I got heated in
the answering the questions and the lights are
pointed at me. I know why I'm hot.
It's the Swiss cheese brain
situation.
And
I know, because I'm aware, that I'm doing
a whole hell of a lot of talking
and JB is not doing a whole hell
of a lot of talking.
Let me remind anybody who maybe just pulled
up to this or
your podcast listener is zoned out. He doesn't
feel good. Mhmm. This is how we work.
I
Yeah. Norm normally,
if I have to, I try to hold
out till after, and I take any of
my meds before
bedtime.
But,
tonight, it was,
sitting at dinner, and I was getting
muscle spasms in my lower back. And they're
like, no. Not going to,
so, yeah, I took my meds a little
early and they just kinda
Yeah. It calms everything down.
Yeah.
Yeah. This would be a time you would
be pretty zoned out. Like, you'd be doing
something easy on the computer or you'd be
I'd be playing Terraria or something mindless. Yeah.
Mhmm. Mhmm.
Yeah.
But yeah. Yeah. Right.
Yeah. It's alright. When we're done here, I'll
go sit on the, heating pad for a
little bit. Mhmm. Mhmm.
I
am going to make ice cream You are.
With my Ninja CREAMi. Mhmm. I got an
early I still don't know if it was
an early Christmas or early birthday present or
an early this is both, so enjoy it.
I'm good with whatever. Mhmm. But my mom
saw the Ninja CREAMi on sale and went,
here you go.
She was gonna get me the Ninja slushy
thing and I was like, no, I don't
like the Ninja slushy thing.
And I love margaritas but I don't like
them frozen. I want them on the rocks.
I wanna be able to suck on the
ice cube after the tequila has cleared my
sinuses.
I haven't had a fucking margarita in years,
years.
But yeah. I was like, no. I don't
want the slushy. I want the creamy. And
then I was like, oh my god. What
is Ninja doing to the small appliance
small kitchen appliance
world?
So, yeah, we're trying our hand at frozen
yogurt tonight. I have not made that yet.
And I mean You've done very well with
it so far. It's not
I got myself intimidated because I
when I'm especially with food, because I don't
wanna, like, waste food that's expensive, especially right
now. Good god.
But I tend to get in my own
head about
cooking or trying new recipes when I don't
have some experience with it.
I can be influenced,
online, on social, and the Internet has many
times made me think that something is easier
to cook or make food wise than it
really was. Oh, the family has gone through
some experiments. I was like, I saw a
reel. Let's try that for dinner.
It was just sadness on our plates. Yeah.
So I got worried that the the trying
to do the ice cream would be like
that.
No. I've cobbled together, like, somebody says do
this and somebody else says do that. And
I'm like, oh, I like that stuff, and
I like that stuff. I'll just combine. And
it's worked. It's not As far she's done
good. We've been eating ice cream a little
bit of ice cream and every night.
Yeah. Nearly. The the youngest was annoyed that
I didn't have any prepped one night. They
were like, I thought we were having ice
cream tonight. I was like, sorry. You have
to eat any one of the 10,000,000
snacks I buy from Aldi this week. I'm
so sorry.
I'm I'm I'm looking forward to trying one
of the milkshakes made with it. Yeah. Part
of the problem is so if you've not
if you even give a fuck. The thing
with the creme is it comes with two,
like, pint
containers where you make your ice cream base
and then you'll use that to whatever whatever.
We only have two which means
I'm,
swapping them in and out. We can buy
more. We just
have not yet. We will not buy them
from Ninja. Those are expensive. We'll buy the
off brand. Okay?
But
so what you have to have for the
milkshake with the creamies, you have to have
the ice an ice cream base,
and we wanna use the ice cream that
I've been making because I'm making it lactose
free so me and the youngest can, like,
enjoy ice cream without,
like, shitting our pants.
So,
that's more than you wanted to know, but
it's truth, lactose intolerance. Even wanted to know.
Come on. I have to warn you when
it's about to happen. Do not follow me.
Anyway,
so we wanna make it with the, the
ice cream I make that's lactose free, blah
blah blah. But we never have any leftover,
and I don't ever have seem to have,
like, a spare container to just that that's
gonna be milkshake ice cream. Don't anybody eat
that.
We'll get there. We'll get there. Yeah. I've
made chocolate. I've made vanilla. I've made two
sorbets.
Mhmm.
I made vanilla for tonight. We're gonna put
cookies in as the, like, added flavor, whatever.
That's called a mix in,
with the Ninja CREAMEE, if you wondered. And
I'm also trying frozen yogurt tonight.
A berry frozen yogurt because I have berry
yogurt.
So,
yeah, it's my new
my new thing that I do. Yeah.
JB has the coffee maker.
Yeah. That's his thing. Mhmm. I got the
creamy.
Are
is nearly everybody in this household making inappropriate
jokes whenever we have to say the word
creamy? Yes.
Including the child.
The child who's 15 and is, like, literally,
what, two and a three weeks gonna be
16. But still, yeah. Everybody's making the jokes.
So,
anyway
Anyhoo.
I like hanging out with y'all. Even though
it's a very asynchronous thing for podcast listeners,
y'all could be listening, like, three years in
the future from now, I still feel
like I'm hanging out with y'all. I I
do.
So
anyway.
But I I guess I'm done because I
can't remember a thing that there there was
a thing I was gonna Yeah. And you
don't come back to you. It's gone.
Okay. Alright. It fell it fell down
the wormhole
unless it was cheese brain.
Wanna know when it'll come back to me?
Probably
when we're laying in bed and you'll catch
your zoomies and you'll be like, I remember,
I remember.
Oh. Okay. That was not the one I
was thinking of, but that is
very accurate.
No. I was thinking of when I randomly
wake up at like three in the morning
and can't get back to sleep and I'm
telling myself self don't have thoughts the moment
the brain revs up, you're not gonna go
back to sleep and then
self doesn't listen.
So, Annie.
Annie. Yeah. We both been sleeping like cock
out lately. Yeah. I was doing some shit,
man.
But if if I keep just talking about
nothing I know. I can't make frozen yogurt.
I know. Oh, we gotta have frozen yogurt.
That's that's,
I gotta know. It's a must have. We
have to, you know Especially when I'm all
hot and, like, got my blood pressure up,
and it's hot in here, because it's Florida.
We had our one
break
one day break from the heat today. Mhmm.
It was 69 degrees this morning. How long
did the Nice. How long did that last?
About an hour, maybe. Wow. We got an
hour. Yeah. I figured that'd be, like, a
five minute event.
Yeah. We gotta get a tease
Yeah. At least at some point, but, like,
at the end of summer so that we,
like, are given hope that, no, no, he
will not always be this boy. It always
seems that at some point during the summer
here, we get one day where all of
a sudden, everything that the humidity goes away,
the temperature breaks,
You're like, I remember.
Yeah. I remember. I have hope again. I
know this will come back. Alright.
This exists in real life. I will I
will get a no humidity day. You won't
sweat forever.
But you know what? The opposite is true
when,
we'll get some warm days
while it's still technically spring, and you're like,
oh, god. Why why did you remind me
of what's coming?
So
Yep.
Anyhow.
Alright.
Let's go get some,
frozen yogurt. Okay. And get you with your
heating pad and Yes. Other
sundry
Yeah. Things.
Yep. And then just toss me into bed.
Oh, I'm not
tossing you anywhere.
We just hurt both of ourselves that way.
And you gotta be better enough so you
can go to work tomorrow. I know. We
got paddles to make. Goddamn it. Yeah. Well,
luckily, it'll what I'll be doing in the
morning will be sitting at the scroll saw.
True. True. True. Been spending a lot of
time at the scroll scroll saw. Oh, wow.
Yeah. Anyway, we're never gonna go. We could
keep going, clearly. Alright. But that's not how
you get frozen yogurt. Nope. So Alright, folks.
Thanks for joining us. Thanks for being here
with us to the bitter end. Yep. Yep.
Thanks for adult letting us indulge in the
pure chaos. Sometimes sometimes it's just a pure
chaos episode. I don't know what to tell
you.
Okay. We're gonna go. Mhmm. Okay. Bye. Bye.