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You're listening to Loving BDSM podcast episode four

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fifty two. Kayla Lords here with the one,

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the only, the why didn't we think to

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get you your comfy chair while we record

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sooner, John Brownstone? I don't know. Like, you've

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been with a bad back

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suffering

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through a not comfortable chair. I wouldn't say

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suffering, but uncom not fully comfortable. But Since

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2020.

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That's me being a service miss of who's

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of service

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and trying to take care of her

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daddy. Anyhoo. Anyway,

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this week,

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fun fact, we are celebrating the fact that

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I finally got access to the Loving BDSM,

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email account

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You're welcome. By answering the questions in our

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inbox. Actually, it was twofold. First, there was

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a server change and I couldn't log in.

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And then

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three weeks after we finally got that fixed

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or took three weeks to get it fixed,

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then

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I couldn't get the actual email app on

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my Mac to open.

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But here we are. We have access. We're

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gonna answer questions. Actually, there's another couple of

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reasons why we're doing it doing this this

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time. We'll get into that later.

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But, yeah, we're answering a couple of questions.

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Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this

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is your first time listening, glad to have

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you. If you're back for another week, welcome

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back. Loving BDSM is produced every Friday for

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your kinky pleasure in education, and show notes

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are found at lovingbdsm.net.

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Come back often and feel free to add

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the podcast to your favorite podcast app. You

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can also follow the show on Fetlife at

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loving BDSM PC. The PC stands for podcast.

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On Instagram,

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technically

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threads at that handle I will forever fucking

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hate. Nobody can change my mind. And no,

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I can't change the handle to what I

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want. That's the problem.

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Loving d s and the number one. So

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at loving d s one.

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On blue sky at loving b d s

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m dot blah blah blah

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or on YouTube at youtube.com/lovingbdsm

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where you can watch us live stream the

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podcast every Wednesday. All links are in the

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show notes.

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Okay. Before we get into,

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the episode, a couple of announcements. There are

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a few days left,

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as of the time I'm actually recording this

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and live streaming it, for to enter our

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podcast anniversary

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giveaway.

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It ends at 11:59PM

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eastern

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on the August,

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which I am convinced is August 31.

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If somehow the last day of August is

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August 30, that's fine.

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If it's August,

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it doesn't matter.

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Whatever the August

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is writing the calendars now? Look. We can't

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trust me with a calendar, with time and

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dates. I don't

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know. I don't know. It's

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I can look at a calendar

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18 times,

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but apparently, I need that nineteenth time because

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I'll walk away going, I got it. I

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looked at the calendar. I know what days

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are, and I'll stick my dates wrong. So

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August,

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11:59PM

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eastern.

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There are four prizes we're giving away. They're

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kind of, like, in levels.

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Top prize is a is $50,

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to use at the Kinkery. $50 it's technically

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like a discount but $50 to use at

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our Etsy shop. The next one down is

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25 for both of those places. Oh, everybody

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is gonna get a tenth.

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Everybody who wins is gonna get a tenth

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podcast anniversary

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enamel pin.

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So we're shipping those.

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And then the third prize is $10 at

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each, and then the fourth is just the

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pin.

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Yes. You can be located outside of The

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US, US,

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and enter. We will ship internationally.

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But just be of legal age

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in wherever you're located, please, and thank you.

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So, yeah, that's

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technically still going on as of the time.

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I'm sitting down and saying this.

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I would love to be able to announce

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it

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fully and officially but by Friday

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I think that's the August 29? But god,

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I don't know.

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Friday before Labor Day, we're supposed to have

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a Labor Day sale at the kinkery, thekinkery.com.

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Why can I not officially announce it? I

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don't even have a coupon code

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planned yet, y'all. But there will be a

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sale. It is coming. We are frantically restocking.

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So Friday is the, twenty ninth. If you

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follow the Kinkery on socials, if you,

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are subscribed to the Kinkery's newsletter, it will

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all go out that way. We will make

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a big deal out of it.

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So don't worry. But I just felt like

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I should slide that in there. That in

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there.

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Okay. Into the wire. So those are my

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announcements.

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So let's get into this topic.

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Look. I'm

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I would not I don't wanna be anybody's

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second choice,

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but sometimes somebody's gotta be a second choice.

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And what we're doing for today's episode is

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second choice

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because I came up with an idea and

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I was mapping out what points we could

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probably make. And I was interested in hearing

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JB's perspective. And I was like, oh. And

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then something

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hit me on Tuesday and I was like,

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have

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we done this episode?

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Yes. We did in 2023.

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And I don't mind repeating a topic if

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we have something new to say, and I

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was, like, really into I had planned it

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out in my head. I had talking points.

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I could have made notes right then,

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but I didn't have time to go listen

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to the episode from two years ago.

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So that we I you know, is this

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new information?

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So that didn't work.

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And then I was, for half a minute,

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was really excited that I finally gained access

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to the loving BDSM

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email account again. There was a server change,

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technical jargon, technical jargon, blah blah blah. That

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was a journey for you. And it didn't

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it three weeks, I could not get into

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that inbox.

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So I was like, oh, there's all these

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emails.

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I think we also lost a lot of

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emails in the server switch over. But I

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was like, I know people ask questions, so

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why don't we since we're not doing Monday

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episodes right now, which are, you know, for

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a while had been a q and a

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episode, let's just make this a q and

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a episode and go through our inbox

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and answer some questions. And that was my

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backup while I was, like, mapping out the

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topic I wanted and could not do. And

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then I could not get into any of

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my email on my Mac. And the only

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place I accessed the Loving BDSM,

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And the only place I access the Loving

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BDSM,

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email is on my Mac.

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I was like

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the universe does not want me looking at

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email, clearly.

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So

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that is what we're doing.

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So we've got a couple of questions. They're

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kind of, like,

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meaty. There's, like, stuff there.

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So I think that's be, like, hopefully helpful

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to the folks who sent in the questions,

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and hopefully interesting for us to talk about.

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I just heard Lola whine in the background,

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so

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she may not approve, but that's what we're

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doing.

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So yeah. So I've got the questions here.

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I'll read them. K. We'll see what we

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think. I I I looked at them. I

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didn't have enough time to formulate

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thoughts on it. So Okay. I'm going we're

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raw dogging it is what we're doing.

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Okay. First question.

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I'm in an online DS relationship. It's also

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my first kinky relationship.

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I've only been owned for three months. Obviously

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I'm learning and I'm being trained to be

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his fuck toy. He's a great dom, very

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knowledgeable, very caring, very smart, very patient, a

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great communicator and listener. I trust him, but

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the problem I'm having is how to totally

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submit to him. I'm very obedient, but I

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have needs and concerns, which I communicate to

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him a lot. I'm very obedient, but I

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don't know how to go about changing my

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mindset to his fuck toy.

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I'm very devoted to him. I do a

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lot of researching, but I have found no

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information on the process of full submission. I'm

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struggling right now, and I don't wanna come

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off as needy to my dom. Any tips

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would be much appreciated. You

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go first because we

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know I I got I got thoughts. I

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that I'm not even sure about that one,

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but, yeah, that's

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No. I I mean, that

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you know, there there's gotta be some

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definite communication

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going on, and it's gotta be understanding and

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work with that.

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Well, and that's You know? That's the thing.

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I would I would love to know the

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dom's perspective because Yes. Is this a submissive

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who thinks they're failing and their dom is

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like, you're doing great. You're doing fine. Right.

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We're three months into this. Exactly. That's where

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I would you know,

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is the uncertainty

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and the lack of confidence

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from

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within, or is it, you know Mhmm. The

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dom not building them up and, you know,

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having expectations that are too high.

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But

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okay.

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You want me to go is what you're

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saying. Okay. Run with it. Run with it.

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So a few things.

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You're only three months in,

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so you you're new. You are a baby

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in the relationship or in DS. Doesn't matter.

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Three months is early. Okay? Three months is

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is still innocent on some things.

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So whatever your end goal in mind is

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for what kind of submissive you wanna be,

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you you're still learning.

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You can get there. But

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but

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you can be

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obedient,

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and still in the moment,

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if it's if it fits you and it's

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what you genuinely want and not that you

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want it because your dom wants it, be

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the air quote fuck toy.

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Right? Total submission,

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is

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are there people out there who can, like,

271
00:10:07,644 --> 00:10:09,725
work it into everything twenty four seven? Well,

272
00:10:09,725 --> 00:10:11,980
sure. Sure. Sure. But in general, most of

273
00:10:11,980 --> 00:10:14,540
us total air quote that total submission, that's

274
00:10:14,540 --> 00:10:17,340
a very subjective term. Mhmm. It sounds like

275
00:10:17,340 --> 00:10:18,879
literally, like, you

276
00:10:19,420 --> 00:10:21,500
do whatever, don't really have your own thoughts,

277
00:10:21,500 --> 00:10:23,144
don't really have your own opinions. In that

278
00:10:23,144 --> 00:10:25,865
moment, you are whatever your dom wants you

279
00:10:25,865 --> 00:10:27,725
to be and they're playing. Right?

280
00:10:28,105 --> 00:10:30,125
That's cool for a scene.

281
00:10:31,065 --> 00:10:32,445
That's cool for

282
00:10:32,985 --> 00:10:35,865
a few moments, but the vast majority of

283
00:10:35,865 --> 00:10:37,799
people do not live like that, can't live

284
00:10:37,799 --> 00:10:39,399
like that, don't wanna live like that. So

285
00:10:39,399 --> 00:10:40,220
that's first.

286
00:10:40,519 --> 00:10:41,019
Second,

287
00:10:42,279 --> 00:10:43,019
being obedient,

288
00:10:43,639 --> 00:10:45,720
being their fuck toy in the moment, whatever

289
00:10:45,720 --> 00:10:46,940
that moment looks like,

290
00:10:47,320 --> 00:10:49,100
never means you don't have needs,

291
00:10:49,480 --> 00:10:52,375
never means you don't communicate them. You always

292
00:10:52,375 --> 00:10:54,154
communicate your needs. Because

293
00:10:54,855 --> 00:10:57,495
this is not just the Dom getting what

294
00:10:57,495 --> 00:10:58,154
they want.

295
00:10:58,695 --> 00:11:00,375
You are supposed to get what you want

296
00:11:00,375 --> 00:11:01,735
out of this as well. Now it is

297
00:11:01,735 --> 00:11:03,894
entirely possible that the fuck toy thing is

298
00:11:03,894 --> 00:11:05,654
not your thing. That total submission is not

299
00:11:05,654 --> 00:11:06,955
actually your thing.

300
00:11:07,589 --> 00:11:10,389
There's that. Also, we're three months in. You're

301
00:11:10,389 --> 00:11:12,629
still new. Right. That could be part of

302
00:11:12,629 --> 00:11:14,949
it. It's online only, which is a very

303
00:11:14,949 --> 00:11:18,389
real thing. I won't invalidate people's, you know,

304
00:11:18,389 --> 00:11:19,769
only online experience,

305
00:11:20,825 --> 00:11:23,225
but it is a different thing than in

306
00:11:23,225 --> 00:11:26,345
person. Yeah. And some mindsets can be harder

307
00:11:26,345 --> 00:11:29,565
to shift for some people because it's online.

308
00:11:30,024 --> 00:11:31,705
I actually do a really good job of

309
00:11:31,705 --> 00:11:34,220
shifting my mindset and and being in the

310
00:11:34,220 --> 00:11:36,240
moment online because now it's like fiction.

311
00:11:37,500 --> 00:11:38,940
And I don't have to say anything out

312
00:11:38,940 --> 00:11:40,540
loud. I don't have to be awkward. I

313
00:11:40,540 --> 00:11:42,000
can, like, type it all. Right?

314
00:11:42,860 --> 00:11:45,185
But other people don't. So there's a there

315
00:11:45,185 --> 00:11:45,227
are a lot of reasons why maybe it's

316
00:11:45,227 --> 00:11:46,009
not working, but it's never because you're too

317
00:11:51,445 --> 00:11:52,825
fucking thing. Okay?

318
00:11:54,404 --> 00:11:56,565
The dom who can't handle your needs is

319
00:11:56,565 --> 00:11:58,584
just not the right dom for you. Right.

320
00:11:59,860 --> 00:12:01,860
And that's all and I would say that

321
00:12:01,860 --> 00:12:04,179
if they're giving you that impression, if they're

322
00:12:04,179 --> 00:12:07,220
making you feel too needy. However, if it

323
00:12:07,220 --> 00:12:10,420
is what often happens to subs, especially when

324
00:12:10,420 --> 00:12:12,500
they're new, where you have an image in

325
00:12:12,500 --> 00:12:14,920
your mind of what you think submission is,

326
00:12:15,495 --> 00:12:18,394
which is no opinions, no wants, no needs,

327
00:12:18,855 --> 00:12:21,014
the dom just knows, they just they do

328
00:12:21,014 --> 00:12:23,254
what they want. If that is the picture

329
00:12:23,254 --> 00:12:25,815
you have for yourself and you're struggling with

330
00:12:25,815 --> 00:12:28,475
it, I'm so grateful you are because,

331
00:12:29,095 --> 00:12:29,595
again,

332
00:12:30,220 --> 00:12:32,960
there are a few exceptions. But in general

333
00:12:33,820 --> 00:12:36,860
now that submission is, yes, I'll do what

334
00:12:36,860 --> 00:12:38,940
you say. Yes, you can do what you

335
00:12:38,940 --> 00:12:41,679
want with me within our negotiated bounds.

336
00:12:42,299 --> 00:12:45,085
But I need to still receive something out

337
00:12:45,085 --> 00:12:46,304
of this as well.

338
00:12:46,684 --> 00:12:47,184
Pleasure,

339
00:12:48,045 --> 00:12:48,625
you know,

340
00:12:49,165 --> 00:12:49,665
fulfillment.

341
00:12:50,605 --> 00:12:52,545
It feels good. Like, whatever.

342
00:12:53,404 --> 00:12:55,485
And if you're not getting that out of

343
00:12:55,485 --> 00:12:56,545
the type of dynamic

344
00:12:57,000 --> 00:12:58,620
this dom wants from you,

345
00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:02,059
you have not done submission wrong.

346
00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:05,179
Like, I'm obedient,

347
00:13:05,799 --> 00:13:07,419
but I got thoughts and opinions,

348
00:13:08,040 --> 00:13:10,279
and that's okay. I'm still submissive. We all

349
00:13:10,279 --> 00:13:13,214
have our, like, style and brand and and

350
00:13:13,214 --> 00:13:13,714
way

351
00:13:14,575 --> 00:13:17,454
of navigating both dominance and submission. There is

352
00:13:17,454 --> 00:13:18,274
no one,

353
00:13:18,735 --> 00:13:20,654
you know, way of doing it, that one

354
00:13:20,654 --> 00:13:21,634
true way bullshit.

355
00:13:22,254 --> 00:13:24,495
The Internet will have you thinking at hell,

356
00:13:24,495 --> 00:13:26,174
sometimes your own community, you'll go to a

357
00:13:26,174 --> 00:13:28,360
munch and there'll be somebody who's like, well,

358
00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:31,420
real doms or if you're a true sub.

359
00:13:32,200 --> 00:13:34,120
I hate that way of thinking because that

360
00:13:34,120 --> 00:13:36,519
doesn't actually work in the real world. Because

361
00:13:36,519 --> 00:13:37,879
it sets you up for some of what

362
00:13:37,879 --> 00:13:40,279
I'm hearing in your question of I'm struggling

363
00:13:40,279 --> 00:13:42,300
to because I can't be this thing,

364
00:13:42,759 --> 00:13:45,884
this, you know, idealized version now. And, again,

365
00:13:45,884 --> 00:13:48,044
I wish I knew. Is it your dom's

366
00:13:48,044 --> 00:13:50,764
idealized version? That's a problem. That's a big

367
00:13:50,764 --> 00:13:52,524
problem. That's not the right dom for you

368
00:13:52,524 --> 00:13:53,024
probably.

369
00:13:53,565 --> 00:13:56,690
Or is it some you got you got

370
00:13:56,690 --> 00:13:58,610
that thought in your head from somewhere else

371
00:13:58,610 --> 00:13:59,509
and you're trying

372
00:13:59,889 --> 00:14:01,970
to be what you think you're supposed to

373
00:14:01,970 --> 00:14:02,470
be.

374
00:14:03,009 --> 00:14:04,610
You're not supposed to be anything other than

375
00:14:04,610 --> 00:14:06,850
what y'all negotiate in your power exchange. Is

376
00:14:06,850 --> 00:14:09,975
that obedient? Okay. Is it in scene when

377
00:14:09,975 --> 00:14:10,875
y'all are, like,

378
00:14:11,414 --> 00:14:13,735
truly, like, having that moment between Dom and

379
00:14:13,735 --> 00:14:15,495
Sub whether it's sexual or not because it

380
00:14:15,495 --> 00:14:16,794
doesn't have to be sexual?

381
00:14:17,414 --> 00:14:20,054
Use use of the term fuck. Lola, agree.

382
00:14:20,054 --> 00:14:22,375
Yep. Use of the term fuck toy, I'm

383
00:14:22,375 --> 00:14:25,049
automatically assuming it's sexual, but it doesn't even

384
00:14:25,049 --> 00:14:25,870
have to be.

385
00:14:26,809 --> 00:14:29,789
You know, you can you can be that

386
00:14:29,929 --> 00:14:31,070
in those moments

387
00:14:32,970 --> 00:14:34,889
if if you want to be and if

388
00:14:34,889 --> 00:14:36,110
it works for you.

389
00:14:37,154 --> 00:14:37,815
But that

390
00:14:38,434 --> 00:14:40,274
I'm now just repeating myself and I got

391
00:14:40,274 --> 00:14:41,495
my blood pressure up.

392
00:14:42,674 --> 00:14:44,274
Because part of it is I don't know.

393
00:14:44,274 --> 00:14:46,134
Are we dealing with the

394
00:14:46,514 --> 00:14:49,075
the shitty dom who's like, oh, I want

395
00:14:49,075 --> 00:14:50,347
all the fun but none of the responsibility.

396
00:14:50,347 --> 00:14:50,580
Yeah.

397
00:14:51,940 --> 00:14:53,860
And I'm gonna make you feel bad for

398
00:14:53,860 --> 00:14:55,399
having wants and needs.

399
00:14:56,420 --> 00:14:58,340
Yeah. No way of knowing. That is very

400
00:14:58,340 --> 00:15:00,040
common. That does happen a lot.

401
00:15:00,580 --> 00:15:02,980
Yeah. But we don't know. Right. Or is

402
00:15:02,980 --> 00:15:05,365
this a submissive who has got this, you

403
00:15:05,365 --> 00:15:07,044
know, picture in their mind of what they

404
00:15:07,044 --> 00:15:08,804
think submission is and they think they're failing

405
00:15:08,804 --> 00:15:09,865
because they're not meeting

406
00:15:10,245 --> 00:15:12,644
that version? Either that version is not a

407
00:15:12,644 --> 00:15:15,125
real version or you're just not there yet.

408
00:15:15,125 --> 00:15:17,460
You're looking at the finish line of the

409
00:15:17,460 --> 00:15:18,820
type of submissive you wanna be and you

410
00:15:18,820 --> 00:15:20,519
haven't had time to grow into it.

411
00:15:20,980 --> 00:15:23,059
But please go ahead and knock out of

412
00:15:23,059 --> 00:15:24,660
your brain the idea that you don't get

413
00:15:24,660 --> 00:15:25,879
to have needs.

414
00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:28,340
You absolutely get to have needs and sometimes

415
00:15:28,340 --> 00:15:29,399
those needs are

416
00:15:29,735 --> 00:15:31,575
I need to slow this down. Sometimes those

417
00:15:31,575 --> 00:15:32,475
needs are,

418
00:15:32,855 --> 00:15:35,175
this thing you assigned to me, this thing

419
00:15:35,175 --> 00:15:36,695
you asked me to do, I can't do,

420
00:15:36,695 --> 00:15:38,634
I don't want to do. No.

421
00:15:39,495 --> 00:15:40,475
Lola agrees.

422
00:15:41,095 --> 00:15:44,490
You're not doing submission wrong when that happens.

423
00:15:44,649 --> 00:15:45,389
You are

424
00:15:45,769 --> 00:15:48,669
your own individual self, your own autonomous

425
00:15:49,209 --> 00:15:51,709
person who is supposed to both give

426
00:15:52,009 --> 00:15:54,730
and receive in this power exchange. That is

427
00:15:54,730 --> 00:15:55,929
where I think a lot of people get

428
00:15:55,929 --> 00:15:58,169
confused. People see that the dom gets what

429
00:15:58,169 --> 00:16:00,394
they want. They have you know, the sub

430
00:16:00,394 --> 00:16:02,574
does for them. The sub lets them do

431
00:16:02,954 --> 00:16:04,634
things, and they get this picture in their

432
00:16:04,634 --> 00:16:06,475
head that that's just how it works. It's

433
00:16:06,475 --> 00:16:08,954
like, no. No. The the exchange part of

434
00:16:08,954 --> 00:16:11,214
that is we call it power exchange.

435
00:16:12,089 --> 00:16:15,610
Exchange implies we're get giving and receiving. It's

436
00:16:15,610 --> 00:16:17,070
a flow back and forth.

437
00:16:17,690 --> 00:16:21,289
So if you're not experiencing or feeling what

438
00:16:21,289 --> 00:16:23,470
you'd like to be feeling as a submissive,

439
00:16:25,404 --> 00:16:25,904
renegotiate,

440
00:16:26,684 --> 00:16:28,705
see if the relationship is even viable.

441
00:16:29,085 --> 00:16:31,485
You know? It it's not always that it's

442
00:16:31,485 --> 00:16:32,865
a bad dom. Yeah.

443
00:16:33,245 --> 00:16:36,544
Sometimes it's just crossed wires of of expectations.

444
00:16:36,924 --> 00:16:39,559
That's another thing. You want to you know,

445
00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:42,179
between the two of you, set expectations for

446
00:16:42,179 --> 00:16:44,419
where you are right now. Three months in

447
00:16:44,419 --> 00:16:45,799
is very, very new,

448
00:16:46,179 --> 00:16:48,179
where you'd like to be in the future,

449
00:16:48,179 --> 00:16:50,919
what you're working towards. But also those expectations

450
00:16:50,980 --> 00:16:52,039
need to be realistic.

451
00:16:52,585 --> 00:16:55,644
Okay? We all have lives outside of whatever

452
00:16:55,865 --> 00:16:58,264
kink thing we're doing. Some of us incorporate

453
00:16:58,264 --> 00:17:01,225
our power exchange into our outside lives. But

454
00:17:01,225 --> 00:17:01,965
even then,

455
00:17:02,345 --> 00:17:04,505
I don't use my submissive voice when I'm

456
00:17:04,505 --> 00:17:05,805
at the grocery store

457
00:17:06,339 --> 00:17:09,000
buying some milk. When I have to talk

458
00:17:09,700 --> 00:17:10,919
to my kid's doctor,

459
00:17:11,299 --> 00:17:13,240
I'm not baby girl. Right?

460
00:17:14,819 --> 00:17:16,339
Now if I got the vibe, sure. You

461
00:17:16,339 --> 00:17:18,634
know what I mean? Like, we we are

462
00:17:18,634 --> 00:17:19,934
full people

463
00:17:20,394 --> 00:17:22,875
with all of the ups and downs and

464
00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:24,875
ebbs and flows, and I get to show

465
00:17:24,875 --> 00:17:26,554
this part of myself to this person. I

466
00:17:26,554 --> 00:17:28,154
have to show another side of myself to

467
00:17:28,154 --> 00:17:30,075
somebody else, and it all has you have

468
00:17:30,075 --> 00:17:31,115
to find a way for it all to

469
00:17:31,115 --> 00:17:33,054
kinda coexist together in a way

470
00:17:33,434 --> 00:17:33,930
that,

471
00:17:34,490 --> 00:17:35,150
you know,

472
00:17:35,450 --> 00:17:37,289
feels right to you, works with the life

473
00:17:37,289 --> 00:17:38,910
you have, works with your personality,

474
00:17:39,289 --> 00:17:40,590
works with your desires.

475
00:17:41,369 --> 00:17:41,950
You know?

476
00:17:42,650 --> 00:17:45,850
And sometimes what a partner wants from us

477
00:17:45,850 --> 00:17:47,390
is not something we can give.

478
00:17:48,330 --> 00:17:50,224
So that's another thing to just think about.

479
00:17:50,224 --> 00:17:52,304
You know? Are they asking you to be

480
00:17:52,304 --> 00:17:54,565
a fuck toy and and that's not actually

481
00:17:54,625 --> 00:17:55,284
your vibe?

482
00:17:55,904 --> 00:17:58,625
That's okay. It just might mean you're not

483
00:17:58,625 --> 00:18:00,804
aligned, that that you're not compatible.

484
00:18:01,619 --> 00:18:03,539
It's also possible you could say to your

485
00:18:03,539 --> 00:18:04,039
partner,

486
00:18:04,420 --> 00:18:06,180
yeah. This fuck toy thing's not working for

487
00:18:06,180 --> 00:18:08,019
me, assuming that was a thing. And they

488
00:18:08,019 --> 00:18:09,940
go, oh, okay. There's so many other ways

489
00:18:09,940 --> 00:18:11,799
I can play. Let's try you

490
00:18:12,339 --> 00:18:13,160
you you don't

491
00:18:13,539 --> 00:18:14,680
know until you have

492
00:18:15,944 --> 00:18:16,924
a conversation. True. It

493
00:18:17,305 --> 00:18:18,444
always comes back to

494
00:18:18,744 --> 00:18:19,325
have a conversation.

495
00:18:19,944 --> 00:18:21,404
Mhmm. Always, always.

496
00:18:21,865 --> 00:18:23,005
But you are never

497
00:18:23,305 --> 00:18:23,964
too needy.

498
00:18:24,424 --> 00:18:24,904
No.

499
00:18:25,865 --> 00:18:26,605
You are never,

500
00:18:28,025 --> 00:18:28,684
too much

501
00:18:28,990 --> 00:18:31,230
because there's you have questions. You have wants.

502
00:18:31,230 --> 00:18:33,710
You have needs. You're not you're uncertain at

503
00:18:33,710 --> 00:18:36,210
times and, you know, something's not quite comfortable.

504
00:18:36,829 --> 00:18:38,210
You get to have all of that.

505
00:18:38,829 --> 00:18:39,649
Full submission,

506
00:18:40,269 --> 00:18:43,649
that's that's a a real subjective term. Yeah.

507
00:18:45,974 --> 00:18:46,714
I think

508
00:18:47,494 --> 00:18:49,755
you and your partner need to decide

509
00:18:50,295 --> 00:18:53,494
between you what that means to you, and

510
00:18:53,494 --> 00:18:55,975
then please remember and understand that in another

511
00:18:55,975 --> 00:18:56,634
relationship or to another

512
00:19:05,190 --> 00:19:08,070
definition is Dom makes all decisions, sub doesn't

513
00:19:08,070 --> 00:19:09,830
do anything the Dom doesn't want them to

514
00:19:09,830 --> 00:19:10,330
do.

515
00:19:10,950 --> 00:19:12,964
And the Dom basically, like, rule

516
00:19:14,065 --> 00:19:15,825
whether it's in scene or it's all the

517
00:19:15,825 --> 00:19:16,325
time,

518
00:19:16,625 --> 00:19:19,105
the dom is the final authority and the

519
00:19:19,105 --> 00:19:20,005
sub basically

520
00:19:21,025 --> 00:19:22,724
doesn't have, you know

521
00:19:23,424 --> 00:19:25,025
I'm not wanna say they don't have wants

522
00:19:25,025 --> 00:19:26,840
and needs, but in the moment, they're probably

523
00:19:26,840 --> 00:19:27,980
not expressing them.

524
00:19:28,840 --> 00:19:30,680
I'm only down with that. If there are

525
00:19:30,680 --> 00:19:33,080
moments outside of that moment, you are expressing

526
00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:34,940
your wants and needs, and they're being

527
00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:35,740
respected.

528
00:19:36,120 --> 00:19:36,620
Right?

529
00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:40,115
Because let me let me say it again.

530
00:19:41,134 --> 00:19:43,295
We all have to be whole ass adult

531
00:19:43,295 --> 00:19:43,795
people

532
00:19:44,255 --> 00:19:45,795
in the world. Right?

533
00:19:46,974 --> 00:19:47,474
And,

534
00:19:48,335 --> 00:19:50,035
I I would like

535
00:19:50,414 --> 00:19:52,654
to have my dom take charge of a

536
00:19:52,654 --> 00:19:55,099
lot of my adult responsibilities,

537
00:19:55,799 --> 00:19:57,480
but we don't we don't live that life.

538
00:19:57,480 --> 00:19:57,980
Right?

539
00:19:58,599 --> 00:20:00,920
So that that's the other thing. Full submission.

540
00:20:00,920 --> 00:20:02,539
What does that even mean to you?

541
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:03,820
Because it's

542
00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:06,539
immediately going to be a completely different definition

543
00:20:06,839 --> 00:20:09,134
for an online or a long distance relationship

544
00:20:09,134 --> 00:20:10,914
than it is for an in person relationship.

545
00:20:11,134 --> 00:20:12,894
And then it's gonna be dependent on what

546
00:20:12,894 --> 00:20:14,494
does your life look like. Like, what kind

547
00:20:14,494 --> 00:20:16,355
of job do you have? Is it crazy

548
00:20:16,494 --> 00:20:18,815
and your schedule changes all the time? Are

549
00:20:18,815 --> 00:20:20,035
you parenting

550
00:20:20,414 --> 00:20:21,555
kids? Are you

551
00:20:21,855 --> 00:20:22,994
caregiving adults?

552
00:20:23,855 --> 00:20:24,119
That's

553
00:20:24,680 --> 00:20:25,180
gonna

554
00:20:26,279 --> 00:20:28,619
have to be factored in. That's gonna, like,

555
00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:31,099
skew things. Like, you're gonna be

556
00:20:31,400 --> 00:20:33,480
you're you're not gonna spend as much time

557
00:20:33,480 --> 00:20:35,880
in your submissive headspace as you'd like because

558
00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:37,099
you've got these other responsibilities.

559
00:20:37,785 --> 00:20:40,585
Right? So, yeah, the full submission thing, let

560
00:20:40,744 --> 00:20:42,505
let's get clear between you and your partner

561
00:20:42,505 --> 00:20:44,345
on what the hell that means. And, again,

562
00:20:44,345 --> 00:20:46,285
if your partner's never asked for that

563
00:20:46,664 --> 00:20:48,904
and this is you having done your research

564
00:20:48,904 --> 00:20:51,000
and having read something or watched something and

565
00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:52,460
somebody said full submission

566
00:20:52,839 --> 00:20:55,079
and you latched onto that idea. Even if

567
00:20:55,079 --> 00:20:57,500
they did define what they think it means,

568
00:20:57,559 --> 00:20:59,320
you don't have to take their definition and

569
00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:01,160
just apply it to yourself. You you create

570
00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:02,775
your own definition of what full

571
00:21:03,654 --> 00:21:04,634
submission looks like.

572
00:21:05,974 --> 00:21:07,035
And sometimes

573
00:21:07,575 --> 00:21:09,255
it's a, this is not a good fit,

574
00:21:09,255 --> 00:21:11,255
the the thing your dom wants to do

575
00:21:11,255 --> 00:21:13,894
to create full submission, and sometimes you're just

576
00:21:13,894 --> 00:21:16,134
not quite ready. You're not quite there in

577
00:21:16,134 --> 00:21:18,759
that moment. And and it's a a process.

578
00:21:18,819 --> 00:21:20,899
And you just give yourself more time, and

579
00:21:20,899 --> 00:21:23,059
you go more slowly, and you try different

580
00:21:23,059 --> 00:21:23,960
things, and

581
00:21:25,059 --> 00:21:27,000
you keep communicating your needs.

582
00:21:27,539 --> 00:21:28,819
You are not too need I don't I

583
00:21:28,819 --> 00:21:30,099
just I wanna get a T shirt that

584
00:21:30,099 --> 00:21:31,559
just says you were not too needy

585
00:21:32,419 --> 00:21:32,919
because

586
00:21:34,035 --> 00:21:35,414
it's it's true

587
00:21:35,715 --> 00:21:38,134
outs not outside of kink. It's

588
00:21:38,434 --> 00:21:41,575
relationships in general, but man in power exchange,

589
00:21:42,035 --> 00:21:44,515
submissives feeling guilty because they got needs. Like,

590
00:21:44,515 --> 00:21:46,434
what the fuck? I know. I know. And

591
00:21:46,434 --> 00:21:48,134
I get it. I get it. The tropes

592
00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:49,940
and the cliches and the stereotypes

593
00:21:50,240 --> 00:21:52,160
and the one true way ers and the,

594
00:21:52,160 --> 00:21:53,859
you know, the bullshit of it all,

595
00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:56,099
will lead you to

596
00:21:56,720 --> 00:21:58,259
think that. But no.

597
00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:01,460
Your needs and wants

598
00:22:02,015 --> 00:22:04,654
that are compatible with your doms should be

599
00:22:04,654 --> 00:22:07,634
as just as full fulfilled as theirs are.

600
00:22:08,335 --> 00:22:10,735
Point blank period. Might not always happen at

601
00:22:10,735 --> 00:22:12,095
the same time or in the same way,

602
00:22:12,095 --> 00:22:13,855
and there'll be an ebb and flow of

603
00:22:13,855 --> 00:22:16,169
who's getting a little bit more today versus

604
00:22:16,169 --> 00:22:16,669
tomorrow.

605
00:22:17,529 --> 00:22:20,169
But everybody is getting something from this, and

606
00:22:20,169 --> 00:22:22,429
this is supposed to feel good for everybody

607
00:22:22,569 --> 00:22:23,069
involved.

608
00:22:23,369 --> 00:22:25,549
Not just one-sided, not just the dom.

609
00:22:27,049 --> 00:22:28,589
I rambled. You did?

610
00:22:29,244 --> 00:22:31,664
I made myself hot. My blood pressure's up.

611
00:22:33,164 --> 00:22:34,304
What are your thoughts?

612
00:22:36,684 --> 00:22:38,224
Especially as a dom who

613
00:22:39,085 --> 00:22:40,859
has I mean, you've been in many a

614
00:22:41,019 --> 00:22:42,380
a relationship with a sub. It was like,

615
00:22:42,380 --> 00:22:44,700
I'm being I it's too much. I'm not

616
00:22:44,700 --> 00:22:46,319
sure I can tell you what I need.

617
00:22:47,420 --> 00:22:48,880
Am I even a good submissive?

618
00:22:49,740 --> 00:22:52,559
You you've lived it. Yes. I have.

619
00:22:59,115 --> 00:23:01,375
So you're good? Yeah. I said it all.

620
00:23:01,595 --> 00:23:04,654
That's not You didn't. Even remotely true. Well,

621
00:23:05,115 --> 00:23:05,615
no.

622
00:23:06,394 --> 00:23:08,990
For the record, JB's not quite feeling great

623
00:23:09,049 --> 00:23:11,549
for this episode. Yep. That's why I did

624
00:23:11,609 --> 00:23:13,769
different chair and Yeah. Podcast listeners, you can't

625
00:23:13,769 --> 00:23:15,769
see he's in his comfy, like, big boy

626
00:23:15,769 --> 00:23:16,269
chair,

627
00:23:17,210 --> 00:23:19,289
to kinda ease up on his back. Yeah.

628
00:23:19,289 --> 00:23:20,349
Might be him.

629
00:23:22,970 --> 00:23:23,470
Okay.

630
00:23:24,184 --> 00:23:26,684
Let's go into the second question. Good.

631
00:23:27,224 --> 00:23:29,484
Oh, I would like to stop sweating now.

632
00:23:29,544 --> 00:23:33,085
Okay. Now this first line gave me pause.

633
00:23:33,384 --> 00:23:33,884
Mhmm.

634
00:23:34,744 --> 00:23:37,005
Because it was it sounds like underage

635
00:23:37,625 --> 00:23:39,710
folk doing kink, but the rest of the

636
00:23:39,710 --> 00:23:42,669
question reads to me like we're we're after

637
00:23:42,669 --> 00:23:44,269
that now. We're adults now. It's the only

638
00:23:44,269 --> 00:23:45,730
reason I would allow this

639
00:23:46,190 --> 00:23:46,769
to even

640
00:23:47,149 --> 00:23:49,149
see the light of day. Okay? I have

641
00:23:49,149 --> 00:23:52,190
deleted many an email from a literal fucking

642
00:23:52,190 --> 00:23:53,889
child that was like, nope.

643
00:23:54,255 --> 00:23:56,494
If I couldn't send them a resource, delete

644
00:23:56,494 --> 00:23:56,994
that

645
00:23:57,615 --> 00:24:00,015
shit. Okay. So just remember that when you

646
00:24:00,015 --> 00:24:01,875
hear this first sentence. Okay?

647
00:24:03,055 --> 00:24:04,494
I got with my dom when we were

648
00:24:04,494 --> 00:24:05,714
both in high school.

649
00:24:07,599 --> 00:24:08,880
We didn't have a clue what we were

650
00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:10,640
doing, but we tried and failed a lot.

651
00:24:10,640 --> 00:24:12,240
We decided to take a break from all

652
00:24:12,240 --> 00:24:14,880
things BDSM about a year ago. After tons

653
00:24:14,880 --> 00:24:16,480
of research, we feel like we are one

654
00:24:16,480 --> 00:24:18,319
step closer to getting back into the life

655
00:24:18,319 --> 00:24:20,799
the right way this time. Although I'm worried

656
00:24:20,799 --> 00:24:22,394
that I'm a bad submissive because I have

657
00:24:22,394 --> 00:24:24,555
a hard time communicating my wants and needs

658
00:24:24,555 --> 00:24:25,855
due to a past relationship.

659
00:24:26,315 --> 00:24:27,755
How do I get better at telling my

660
00:24:27,755 --> 00:24:29,535
partner what I like slash want

661
00:24:30,475 --> 00:24:31,934
and what I need from them?

662
00:24:33,755 --> 00:24:34,920
Well, first of all,

663
00:24:35,480 --> 00:24:37,799
good for you for realizing that it wasn't

664
00:24:37,799 --> 00:24:39,720
working the way you wanted and stepping back

665
00:24:39,720 --> 00:24:40,380
and regrouping.

666
00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:44,440
That. Yep. Okay. That that that in and

667
00:24:44,440 --> 00:24:45,100
of itself

668
00:24:45,880 --> 00:24:47,900
was very smart thing to do.

669
00:24:48,759 --> 00:24:49,259
So,

670
00:24:49,559 --> 00:24:51,865
you know, now as for your the the

671
00:24:51,865 --> 00:24:53,164
communicating the communicating,

672
00:24:55,625 --> 00:24:57,785
you know, that will probably take a little

673
00:24:57,785 --> 00:24:58,525
work, but

674
00:24:58,904 --> 00:25:00,825
what some of it comes down to could

675
00:25:00,825 --> 00:25:02,345
very easily be that you have not found

676
00:25:02,345 --> 00:25:03,005
your communication

677
00:25:03,305 --> 00:25:03,805
style.

678
00:25:04,505 --> 00:25:07,119
Yeah. And you're not your comfort level. Right.

679
00:25:07,119 --> 00:25:09,680
Because you're gonna say stuff that's very, you

680
00:25:09,680 --> 00:25:11,680
know, makes you feel very vulnerable and kind

681
00:25:11,680 --> 00:25:13,359
of opens you up and kind of cracks

682
00:25:13,359 --> 00:25:15,039
open your soul and you're like, here, let

683
00:25:15,039 --> 00:25:17,279
me tell you my innermost desires. Right. So,

684
00:25:17,279 --> 00:25:19,039
you know, is it, you know That's big.

685
00:25:19,039 --> 00:25:20,160
Yeah. Because it, you know, is

686
00:25:21,055 --> 00:25:23,214
could it be it could be journaling, email

687
00:25:23,455 --> 00:25:24,595
Mhmm. You know.

688
00:25:25,214 --> 00:25:27,295
Some people like parallel talking where they don't

689
00:25:27,295 --> 00:25:28,575
look at each other, you know, like sitting

690
00:25:28,575 --> 00:25:30,914
in a car seat side by side. Mhmm.

691
00:25:30,974 --> 00:25:34,015
Okay. Voice notes to one another. Yeah. That

692
00:25:34,015 --> 00:25:36,779
way it's an asynchronous form of communication. You're

693
00:25:36,779 --> 00:25:38,859
saying the thing, but they're gonna listen to

694
00:25:38,859 --> 00:25:40,940
it and respond to it later, and you're

695
00:25:41,659 --> 00:25:45,339
Exactly. Even even texting. Oh, yeah. Alright. Any

696
00:25:45,339 --> 00:25:48,159
written form Mhmm. I'm a huge fan of.

697
00:25:48,220 --> 00:25:51,044
And and, you know, unfortunately, the the the

698
00:25:51,044 --> 00:25:52,404
part with it, you know, due to a

699
00:25:52,404 --> 00:25:53,224
past relationship,

700
00:25:55,044 --> 00:25:58,085
that that's rewriting bad tapes. Mhmm. That's what

701
00:25:58,085 --> 00:25:59,684
we call them. Yep. That's what we we

702
00:25:59,684 --> 00:26:00,825
call it bad tapes.

703
00:26:01,365 --> 00:26:03,384
And, you know, they're they're

704
00:26:04,369 --> 00:26:05,029
they're a

705
00:26:05,330 --> 00:26:06,789
bitch. Yeah. They can be a bitch,

706
00:26:08,289 --> 00:26:10,930
but, you know, nothing is insurmountable, and you

707
00:26:10,930 --> 00:26:13,029
can work through them. Mhmm.

708
00:26:13,570 --> 00:26:15,970
So But it it takes time. All of

709
00:26:15,970 --> 00:26:17,809
it takes time. Right. It it doesn't happen

710
00:26:17,809 --> 00:26:20,424
overnight. Right. So Time and work. The one

711
00:26:20,424 --> 00:26:20,924
thing

712
00:26:21,465 --> 00:26:23,465
we there's one book we recommend and we've

713
00:26:23,465 --> 00:26:26,265
recommended multiple times, and to my knowledge, it's

714
00:26:26,265 --> 00:26:28,265
both a physical book, an ebook, and I

715
00:26:28,265 --> 00:26:29,644
believe now an audiobook.

716
00:26:30,105 --> 00:26:32,125
Oh. And that is it's called Tongue Tied

717
00:26:32,184 --> 00:26:35,039
by Stella Harris. The whole thing is about

718
00:26:35,180 --> 00:26:35,680
communication

719
00:26:36,539 --> 00:26:38,799
mostly within sex, but certainly within relationships.

720
00:26:39,100 --> 00:26:41,100
There's only a couple of chapters on kinks

721
00:26:41,100 --> 00:26:43,279
specifically, but it all applies,

722
00:26:43,900 --> 00:26:44,799
all of it,

723
00:26:45,259 --> 00:26:47,744
with, you know, a section on like what

724
00:26:47,744 --> 00:26:49,605
is making it hard for you to communicate,

725
00:26:50,144 --> 00:26:51,904
what can help make it just easier in

726
00:26:51,904 --> 00:26:54,464
general. I'm currently thinking of this section on

727
00:26:54,464 --> 00:26:57,345
making sure you you know what you want

728
00:26:57,345 --> 00:26:58,650
so you have a starting

729
00:27:13,154 --> 00:27:14,914
there's a couple things. We say this a

730
00:27:14,914 --> 00:27:17,875
lot. I have we're supposed to have our

731
00:27:17,875 --> 00:27:20,595
communication workbook available on our Etsy shop, but

732
00:27:20,595 --> 00:27:23,015
somebody hasn't gotten that done yet either. So

733
00:27:23,555 --> 00:27:25,154
we do have a we have a workbook

734
00:27:25,154 --> 00:27:25,654
coming

735
00:27:26,320 --> 00:27:28,180
where we put a lot of

736
00:27:28,480 --> 00:27:30,559
some of what we're gonna say in that.

737
00:27:31,840 --> 00:27:32,740
So one,

738
00:27:33,360 --> 00:27:35,200
realize it's gonna take time. You do not

739
00:27:35,200 --> 00:27:37,519
need to have a conversation, one conversation where

740
00:27:37,519 --> 00:27:40,434
you tell your partner everything you've ever wanted

741
00:27:40,434 --> 00:27:42,615
and needed. You can have that conversation

742
00:27:42,914 --> 00:27:44,835
if you both have that bandwidth, but you

743
00:27:44,835 --> 00:27:46,194
don't have to put that pressure on yourself

744
00:27:46,194 --> 00:27:47,555
either. You can be like, okay, we're just

745
00:27:47,555 --> 00:27:49,474
gonna talk about this one thing. Right? Let's

746
00:27:49,474 --> 00:27:52,359
just explore this this one topic, this one

747
00:27:52,359 --> 00:27:54,380
kink, this one knee. Like, whatever.

748
00:27:54,759 --> 00:27:56,299
You can take it slow like that.

749
00:27:57,320 --> 00:27:57,820
It

750
00:27:58,279 --> 00:27:59,740
I love writing

751
00:28:00,200 --> 00:28:01,579
as a form of communication.

752
00:28:03,875 --> 00:28:04,774
That is because

753
00:28:05,794 --> 00:28:07,254
my first, like,

754
00:28:07,794 --> 00:28:09,954
career as Kayla Lords was writing, so I'm

755
00:28:09,954 --> 00:28:11,414
very comfortable with writing.

756
00:28:12,034 --> 00:28:13,474
You do not have to have,

757
00:28:14,194 --> 00:28:15,875
good grammar. You don't have to know how

758
00:28:15,875 --> 00:28:17,109
to to spell. I don't have to be

759
00:28:17,109 --> 00:28:18,990
good writing. And just Just just be able

760
00:28:18,990 --> 00:28:20,549
to get the point across. Get the words

761
00:28:20,549 --> 00:28:22,390
out. You know, get yeah. What I like

762
00:28:22,390 --> 00:28:24,390
about writing, and this can be a Google

763
00:28:24,390 --> 00:28:26,150
DocuShare, it can be a text, it could

764
00:28:26,150 --> 00:28:27,670
be an email, like, it it doesn't matter.

765
00:28:27,670 --> 00:28:30,309
The method does not fucking matter. Right. What

766
00:28:30,309 --> 00:28:31,705
I like about it is you can get

767
00:28:31,705 --> 00:28:34,184
all your thoughts out and then, especially when

768
00:28:34,184 --> 00:28:35,705
it's digital, you can go back and edit

769
00:28:35,705 --> 00:28:36,985
yourself. You're like, oh, did I like how

770
00:28:36,985 --> 00:28:39,545
that sounded? Oh, did I did that even

771
00:28:39,545 --> 00:28:41,225
make sense? Oh, maybe I don't want to

772
00:28:41,225 --> 00:28:42,505
talk about this right now. Take it out.

773
00:28:42,505 --> 00:28:43,005
Whatever.

774
00:28:43,705 --> 00:28:46,525
And then you send it off to them,

775
00:28:47,019 --> 00:28:48,299
and you run away and go do something

776
00:28:48,299 --> 00:28:49,819
else and pretend you did not just write

777
00:28:49,819 --> 00:28:52,779
that and they get to read it and

778
00:28:52,779 --> 00:28:54,779
think about it and figure out how they're

779
00:28:54,779 --> 00:28:56,720
feeling on their own time.

780
00:28:57,259 --> 00:28:58,875
And then you can come together and have

781
00:28:58,954 --> 00:29:01,355
a conversation. So that way they know the

782
00:29:01,355 --> 00:29:03,375
hard thing that you're trying to communicate

783
00:29:03,755 --> 00:29:05,355
and you don't have to do that part

784
00:29:05,355 --> 00:29:07,035
face to face or over the phone or

785
00:29:07,035 --> 00:29:08,414
FaceTime or whatever whatever.

786
00:29:08,954 --> 00:29:12,660
But the maybe the talking about it, whether

787
00:29:12,660 --> 00:29:14,900
it's a negotiation or it's a oh yeah

788
00:29:14,900 --> 00:29:16,420
I thought of that here you know here

789
00:29:16,420 --> 00:29:17,720
are my thoughts and feelings.

790
00:29:18,100 --> 00:29:19,799
You can do that verbally

791
00:29:20,180 --> 00:29:20,680
or

792
00:29:21,380 --> 00:29:21,880
if

793
00:29:22,580 --> 00:29:24,740
both or either of you are struggling with

794
00:29:24,740 --> 00:29:25,240
communication

795
00:29:25,700 --> 00:29:28,055
they can write back a lot of of

796
00:29:28,515 --> 00:29:31,075
shit in our relationship early days because we

797
00:29:31,075 --> 00:29:32,535
were long distance, of course.

798
00:29:33,075 --> 00:29:35,875
We were solving is things between each other

799
00:29:35,875 --> 00:29:37,815
by email, very long emails,

800
00:29:38,835 --> 00:29:41,475
because it was the easiest way to communicate

801
00:29:41,475 --> 00:29:43,169
those things, but also there was a comfort

802
00:29:43,169 --> 00:29:45,250
level to it. It takes a lot of

803
00:29:45,250 --> 00:29:47,409
pressure off if you don't have to look

804
00:29:47,409 --> 00:29:48,869
into their eyeballs

805
00:29:49,250 --> 00:29:51,409
Mhmm. And say the thing that makes you

806
00:29:51,409 --> 00:29:53,730
feel very vulnerable and is scary because you've

807
00:29:53,730 --> 00:29:55,669
never had to say it out loud before.

808
00:29:56,289 --> 00:29:57,375
Take that fucking pressure

809
00:29:58,335 --> 00:30:00,335
Find another way. Now, if we're if you're

810
00:30:00,335 --> 00:30:02,095
like, I'm not gonna fucking write anything down

811
00:30:02,095 --> 00:30:04,194
and or they're not gonna fucking read it,

812
00:30:04,414 --> 00:30:07,775
then it's, you know, it voice recording, voice

813
00:30:07,775 --> 00:30:08,275
notes,

814
00:30:08,654 --> 00:30:11,710
whatever. Right? Or it is on the phone.

815
00:30:11,710 --> 00:30:13,549
Lola agrees. Yep. Or it is on the

816
00:30:13,549 --> 00:30:15,069
phone, even though maybe you live in the

817
00:30:15,069 --> 00:30:16,829
same fucking house, for all I know. But

818
00:30:16,829 --> 00:30:18,609
you're maybe just in the same town.

819
00:30:19,390 --> 00:30:21,150
So you're not looking at one another. Or

820
00:30:21,150 --> 00:30:22,210
like JB said,

821
00:30:23,230 --> 00:30:23,730
Parallel.

822
00:30:24,037 --> 00:30:26,545
Parallel. We've had many a hard conversation

823
00:30:27,085 --> 00:30:29,105
even after all this time together,

824
00:30:29,724 --> 00:30:31,965
driving down the road, not looking at one

825
00:30:31,965 --> 00:30:32,785
another. Yep.

826
00:30:34,125 --> 00:30:36,305
So there's no perfect way to communicate.

827
00:30:36,740 --> 00:30:38,580
There's no rule that says you have to

828
00:30:38,580 --> 00:30:40,500
look them in the eyeballs and say it

829
00:30:40,500 --> 00:30:43,140
out loud. You can find another method. Right.

830
00:30:43,140 --> 00:30:45,539
It's perfectly acceptable. You need you need to

831
00:30:45,539 --> 00:30:48,259
find what works for you. Mhmm. And it's

832
00:30:48,259 --> 00:30:50,900
possible that this is what has happened with

833
00:30:50,900 --> 00:30:51,914
us over time.

834
00:30:53,275 --> 00:30:55,674
I don't use because for a long time,

835
00:30:55,674 --> 00:30:58,234
when we first started living together, we're no

836
00:30:58,234 --> 00:31:00,715
longer long distance, I used writing for when

837
00:31:00,715 --> 00:31:03,195
there was conflict. That was really hard for

838
00:31:03,195 --> 00:31:03,695
me

839
00:31:04,475 --> 00:31:05,455
to say out loud

840
00:31:06,169 --> 00:31:07,549
because all kinds of reasons.

841
00:31:08,009 --> 00:31:10,169
So if I was upset with JB or

842
00:31:10,169 --> 00:31:12,009
if my feelings were hurt or if I

843
00:31:12,009 --> 00:31:14,690
was, you know, having, like, anything less than

844
00:31:14,690 --> 00:31:16,029
a even a neutral

845
00:31:16,329 --> 00:31:18,650
feeling about something, I would write it down

846
00:31:18,650 --> 00:31:20,409
because that was just easier for me. We

847
00:31:20,409 --> 00:31:20,714
have gotten

848
00:31:25,674 --> 00:31:26,414
pissed me

849
00:31:26,794 --> 00:31:27,294
off,

850
00:31:27,674 --> 00:31:28,174
she

851
00:31:28,554 --> 00:31:29,054
said

852
00:31:29,434 --> 00:31:29,934
respectfully.

853
00:31:33,034 --> 00:31:33,775
But do you know what?

854
00:31:34,234 --> 00:31:36,029
A week ago, two weeks ago, I did

855
00:31:36,029 --> 00:31:38,029
send an email because I'd been having thoughts

856
00:31:38,029 --> 00:31:38,529
about

857
00:31:39,070 --> 00:31:40,610
myself as just a human,

858
00:31:41,070 --> 00:31:43,710
but also as a submissive, also within our

859
00:31:43,710 --> 00:31:46,049
power exchange. And I was struggling

860
00:31:46,670 --> 00:31:49,345
to find the words to verbalize it, to

861
00:31:49,345 --> 00:31:51,105
have to say it in a conversation. So

862
00:31:51,105 --> 00:31:52,305
I just wrote it down in an email,

863
00:31:52,305 --> 00:31:53,985
and I was like, I started out with,

864
00:31:53,985 --> 00:31:55,345
it's gonna be long and it's probably not

865
00:31:55,345 --> 00:31:56,705
gonna make any sense, but I gotta get

866
00:31:56,705 --> 00:31:58,384
this out of my head. And it wasn't

867
00:31:58,384 --> 00:32:00,465
conflict, but that email was the first time

868
00:32:00,465 --> 00:32:01,638
I needed to do that in In a

869
00:32:01,638 --> 00:32:03,525
while. Little years. Yeah. Okay?

870
00:32:04,450 --> 00:32:06,289
So it could be something that you move

871
00:32:06,289 --> 00:32:08,690
away from whatever your method is as you

872
00:32:08,690 --> 00:32:09,750
get more comfortable

873
00:32:10,289 --> 00:32:10,789
talking,

874
00:32:11,970 --> 00:32:13,670
you know, face to face or however.

875
00:32:14,609 --> 00:32:16,210
It could be a tool you use for

876
00:32:16,210 --> 00:32:17,809
the rest of your damn life because it's

877
00:32:17,809 --> 00:32:19,190
what allows you to communicate

878
00:32:20,204 --> 00:32:20,704
effectively.

879
00:32:22,204 --> 00:32:23,964
You know? Yeah, yeah, it might be ideal

880
00:32:23,964 --> 00:32:25,325
if you could if you can say it,

881
00:32:25,325 --> 00:32:26,605
if you can look at them while you're

882
00:32:26,605 --> 00:32:28,605
saying, yeah, but maybe that's ideal, but I

883
00:32:28,605 --> 00:32:30,765
don't fuck ideal. I want you to do

884
00:32:30,765 --> 00:32:32,444
what works and get you to the point

885
00:32:32,444 --> 00:32:34,809
where you're saying the thing that needs to

886
00:32:34,809 --> 00:32:35,549
be said.

887
00:32:36,890 --> 00:32:37,390
Now

888
00:32:38,170 --> 00:32:41,150
there is the comfort level of

889
00:32:43,130 --> 00:32:43,630
owning

890
00:32:44,170 --> 00:32:46,589
what you like, what you want,

891
00:32:47,085 --> 00:32:48,464
you know, what you need.

892
00:32:48,845 --> 00:32:49,585
And that

893
00:32:50,284 --> 00:32:51,025
that's a

894
00:32:51,644 --> 00:32:53,105
that will fuck with your communication,

895
00:32:53,724 --> 00:32:55,404
but that to me is a separate thing

896
00:32:55,404 --> 00:32:56,384
from that because

897
00:32:56,845 --> 00:32:59,724
there's the vulnerability of it all. Right? You're

898
00:32:59,724 --> 00:33:02,669
thinking about a past relationship and how whatever

899
00:33:02,669 --> 00:33:04,429
happened, how that shit went down and how

900
00:33:04,429 --> 00:33:06,029
you still feel about it. And even though

901
00:33:06,029 --> 00:33:08,029
you know this partner is different, you that's

902
00:33:08,029 --> 00:33:09,389
where we call why we call it bad

903
00:33:09,389 --> 00:33:11,389
tapes. That's what's playing in your head is

904
00:33:11,389 --> 00:33:13,549
your past experience, and there's that fear of

905
00:33:13,549 --> 00:33:14,690
what if this person

906
00:33:15,224 --> 00:33:17,164
says it like this, does it like this,

907
00:33:17,224 --> 00:33:20,265
does something to remind me of this person

908
00:33:20,265 --> 00:33:21,244
that, you know,

909
00:33:21,785 --> 00:33:23,724
I can't be with for the reasons.

910
00:33:24,904 --> 00:33:26,365
That is a time thing.

911
00:33:28,345 --> 00:33:30,525
That that is pure vulnerability, and

912
00:33:31,599 --> 00:33:33,779
being vulnerable at that level

913
00:33:34,639 --> 00:33:37,279
requires trust, and that takes time. And you

914
00:33:37,279 --> 00:33:38,099
may trust,

915
00:33:39,599 --> 00:33:42,419
this partner because you you've known them before,

916
00:33:42,559 --> 00:33:44,179
previous relationship, previously,

917
00:33:44,720 --> 00:33:46,744
you know, doing kink together, whatever.

918
00:33:48,244 --> 00:33:49,924
But it doesn't stop the little voice in

919
00:33:49,924 --> 00:33:51,144
the back of your head,

920
00:33:52,404 --> 00:33:53,924
from going, but what if what if it

921
00:33:53,924 --> 00:33:55,465
turns out like the other?

922
00:33:56,244 --> 00:33:58,089
So this is where I would like your

923
00:33:58,089 --> 00:34:01,389
partner to listen real fucking close. Okay?

924
00:34:02,329 --> 00:34:03,069
The way

925
00:34:03,690 --> 00:34:06,349
anybody but this in this case, this submissive

926
00:34:06,730 --> 00:34:09,369
is going to get more comfortable sharing what

927
00:34:09,369 --> 00:34:11,789
they want and need and their desires and

928
00:34:12,204 --> 00:34:13,405
whatever they're trying to get out of being

929
00:34:13,405 --> 00:34:15,025
submissive or their kinks or whatever,

930
00:34:15,565 --> 00:34:17,565
you better be a safe place for them

931
00:34:17,565 --> 00:34:18,625
to say the thing.

932
00:34:19,565 --> 00:34:20,065
You

933
00:34:20,364 --> 00:34:22,224
swallow the uncomfortable laugh.

934
00:34:22,684 --> 00:34:24,924
Keep your face fucking neutral and don't, like,

935
00:34:24,924 --> 00:34:26,864
do the quizzical what the fuck because

936
00:34:27,609 --> 00:34:29,210
unless you tell us what the what the

937
00:34:29,210 --> 00:34:31,869
fuck look means, we're gonna interpret it

938
00:34:32,489 --> 00:34:33,869
the worst possible way.

939
00:34:34,329 --> 00:34:34,829
So

940
00:34:35,289 --> 00:34:37,050
if you are in a this is it

941
00:34:37,050 --> 00:34:38,969
doesn't matter, dom or sub. The truly does

942
00:34:38,969 --> 00:34:41,130
not matter, dom or sub. If you want

943
00:34:41,130 --> 00:34:43,905
your partner to be vulnerable with you and

944
00:34:43,905 --> 00:34:45,824
tell you shit, you need to be a

945
00:34:45,824 --> 00:34:48,085
safe person for them to tell shit to.

946
00:34:49,344 --> 00:34:51,585
Yes. Every time. Always. You won't be perfect.

947
00:34:51,585 --> 00:34:53,585
You will sometimes fuck it up. But in

948
00:34:53,585 --> 00:34:56,079
those moments where you can see and feel

949
00:34:56,079 --> 00:34:58,159
and have previous experience with the oh, this

950
00:34:58,159 --> 00:35:00,159
is a vulnerable moment. They are really fucking

951
00:35:00,159 --> 00:35:01,539
trusting me right now.

952
00:35:02,079 --> 00:35:03,839
If it's not a good time and you're

953
00:35:03,839 --> 00:35:05,139
not in a good head space,

954
00:35:05,440 --> 00:35:07,599
you go, okay. I wanna have this conversation,

955
00:35:07,599 --> 00:35:08,880
but we have to I can't do it

956
00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:10,885
right this second because I wanna be able

957
00:35:10,885 --> 00:35:13,204
to be here for you. But otherwise, if

958
00:35:13,204 --> 00:35:14,505
you're like, I could be here,

959
00:35:14,964 --> 00:35:15,464
you

960
00:35:17,204 --> 00:35:18,184
don't don't

961
00:35:18,565 --> 00:35:19,304
fuck around

962
00:35:20,885 --> 00:35:23,045
until you know that it's kinda safe between

963
00:35:23,045 --> 00:35:24,484
you and your partner to, like, giggle about

964
00:35:24,484 --> 00:35:26,630
it or to make a sarcastic remark,

965
00:35:27,809 --> 00:35:29,909
you just be there for them and

966
00:35:30,609 --> 00:35:31,909
be their safe person.

967
00:35:33,409 --> 00:35:35,750
And that's how trust grows and that's how

968
00:35:35,809 --> 00:35:38,045
partners can be more vulnerable with one another.

969
00:35:38,045 --> 00:35:40,339
There's an expression I'd like to use, and

970
00:35:40,339 --> 00:35:42,634
it will not come to my brain. There's

971
00:35:42,920 --> 00:35:45,501
Oh. There's, like, a way I wanna wrap

972
00:35:45,501 --> 00:35:47,796
that up, and Swiss cheese brain strikes again.

973
00:35:47,796 --> 00:35:50,109
But that's that's the thing. It's not just

974
00:35:50,109 --> 00:35:52,750
about the partner who's scared of sharing the

975
00:35:52,750 --> 00:35:54,590
thing or finds it difficult to share the

976
00:35:54,590 --> 00:35:56,989
thing. Yeah. There's some leaps of faith you

977
00:35:56,989 --> 00:35:59,409
might have to take. There's some finding workarounds

978
00:35:59,630 --> 00:36:00,530
if verbalizing

979
00:36:00,829 --> 00:36:01,969
it is too difficult.

980
00:36:02,349 --> 00:36:02,715
Yes.

981
00:36:03,195 --> 00:36:05,135
But also you need to know

982
00:36:05,434 --> 00:36:07,515
that the person you're gonna tell this stuff

983
00:36:07,515 --> 00:36:08,015
to

984
00:36:08,875 --> 00:36:09,775
is is

985
00:36:10,235 --> 00:36:12,815
gonna take it seriously and is gonna treat

986
00:36:13,355 --> 00:36:13,855
you

987
00:36:14,235 --> 00:36:16,555
with respect and treat the topic with the

988
00:36:16,555 --> 00:36:17,614
care it deserves.

989
00:36:19,210 --> 00:36:21,130
So it's not just a you need to

990
00:36:21,130 --> 00:36:23,390
figure something out. This is a relationship

991
00:36:23,690 --> 00:36:25,230
situation. And unfortunately,

992
00:36:25,849 --> 00:36:27,369
there are too many times we come across

993
00:36:27,369 --> 00:36:29,530
people we think we can tell them the

994
00:36:29,530 --> 00:36:30,590
thing, be vulnerable,

995
00:36:30,890 --> 00:36:32,730
whatever, and we find out the hard way

996
00:36:32,730 --> 00:36:33,630
that we cannot.

997
00:36:34,594 --> 00:36:36,194
And then those people are like, I don't

998
00:36:36,194 --> 00:36:38,594
know why this relationship no relationship ever works

999
00:36:38,594 --> 00:36:40,434
out. Well, are you being a motherfucker when

1000
00:36:40,434 --> 00:36:43,094
somebody's trying to be vulnerable? Jesus Christ.

1001
00:36:43,554 --> 00:36:44,054
Also,

1002
00:36:44,674 --> 00:36:45,574
some of us

1003
00:36:46,034 --> 00:36:46,855
some people

1004
00:36:47,234 --> 00:36:48,614
do not deserve your vulnerability.

1005
00:36:49,130 --> 00:36:50,030
True. That's true.

1006
00:36:50,410 --> 00:36:50,910
And

1007
00:36:51,929 --> 00:36:53,289
I don't want anybody to have the kind

1008
00:36:53,289 --> 00:36:54,730
of trust issues I have. I don't think

1009
00:36:54,730 --> 00:36:56,809
my trust issues are healthy. I would like

1010
00:36:56,809 --> 00:36:57,469
some people

1011
00:36:58,090 --> 00:36:59,690
to have a few just a just a

1012
00:36:59,690 --> 00:37:00,989
little bit of trust issues,

1013
00:37:03,849 --> 00:37:06,724
only to go a little slower in the

1014
00:37:06,724 --> 00:37:09,045
the bearing of your soul, to kind of

1015
00:37:09,045 --> 00:37:10,744
get a sense of is

1016
00:37:11,364 --> 00:37:14,005
does this person deserve it? Have they, you

1017
00:37:14,005 --> 00:37:15,925
know, given me enough clues where I think,

1018
00:37:15,925 --> 00:37:16,425
okay,

1019
00:37:16,885 --> 00:37:18,469
I can I can do this without And

1020
00:37:18,469 --> 00:37:19,570
and when you are the

1021
00:37:20,590 --> 00:37:21,650
the safe person,

1022
00:37:22,269 --> 00:37:24,030
you know, that that becomes an awesome thing

1023
00:37:24,030 --> 00:37:26,130
when somebody trusts you that much?

1024
00:37:26,590 --> 00:37:28,190
You became my safe person so much that

1025
00:37:28,190 --> 00:37:29,869
I fully unmask in front of you. And

1026
00:37:29,869 --> 00:37:31,625
you were like, who is this girl?

1027
00:37:32,324 --> 00:37:34,244
Right. And and, you know, it it comes

1028
00:37:34,244 --> 00:37:36,244
with some funny stuff too and some fun

1029
00:37:36,244 --> 00:37:38,425
stuff. So, you know, I'm not yeah.

1030
00:37:40,244 --> 00:37:40,905
It does.

1031
00:37:41,204 --> 00:37:43,204
Well, poor JB. He's like, why don't you

1032
00:37:43,204 --> 00:37:45,009
crack these kinds of jokes and be this

1033
00:37:45,009 --> 00:37:47,029
silly in front of others? I'm like, nope.

1034
00:37:47,170 --> 00:37:48,309
That's not safe.

1035
00:37:49,569 --> 00:37:50,069
No.

1036
00:37:51,009 --> 00:37:52,210
There is a part of me that wishes

1037
00:37:52,210 --> 00:37:54,710
I could. Yeah. So for this person,

1038
00:37:55,409 --> 00:37:56,230
find alternative

1039
00:37:56,769 --> 00:37:57,750
methods of communication

1040
00:38:00,195 --> 00:38:01,655
to this person's partner,

1041
00:38:03,155 --> 00:38:04,835
be calm, cool, and collected when they tell

1042
00:38:04,835 --> 00:38:07,094
you something and treat it with the seriousness

1043
00:38:07,155 --> 00:38:09,155
that it just not maybe the topic. The

1044
00:38:09,155 --> 00:38:11,175
topic might be light, but the

1045
00:38:12,369 --> 00:38:14,530
the strength it takes yeah. The strength it

1046
00:38:14,530 --> 00:38:15,969
takes to go, oh my god. I can't

1047
00:38:15,969 --> 00:38:18,050
believe I'm saying this out loud. Mhmm. Yeah.

1048
00:38:18,050 --> 00:38:20,710
Yeah. What's gonna like, that's important. And, also,

1049
00:38:21,010 --> 00:38:23,109
do it for each other. Right? Submissives,

1050
00:38:23,489 --> 00:38:25,489
just because that person's your dom, they are

1051
00:38:25,489 --> 00:38:26,710
not, like,

1052
00:38:28,275 --> 00:38:29,014
they're not,

1053
00:38:29,795 --> 00:38:30,775
made of titanium.

1054
00:38:31,635 --> 00:38:33,815
Like, that's a soft squishy person too,

1055
00:38:34,114 --> 00:38:36,054
and they need the same kind of care.

1056
00:38:37,074 --> 00:38:38,835
Lola agrees. Lola has a lot to say

1057
00:38:38,835 --> 00:38:39,335
tonight.

1058
00:38:40,034 --> 00:38:41,174
She she really does.

1059
00:38:43,849 --> 00:38:45,849
It's fine. It's I mean, my flow can

1060
00:38:45,849 --> 00:38:49,050
be Swiss cheese brain. It's it's fine, Lola.

1061
00:38:49,050 --> 00:38:50,829
You you're adding to it, really.

1062
00:38:52,010 --> 00:38:54,170
So that that is the thing. Look into

1063
00:38:54,170 --> 00:38:56,250
Tongue Tide, if you haven't already. Find your

1064
00:38:56,250 --> 00:38:57,550
alternative method of communication.

1065
00:38:59,315 --> 00:38:59,974
And then,

1066
00:39:01,154 --> 00:39:02,434
yeah, take a leap of faith. Do it

1067
00:39:02,434 --> 00:39:03,494
with something small,

1068
00:39:03,954 --> 00:39:06,355
smallish, like list out the things you're trying

1069
00:39:06,355 --> 00:39:08,674
to to share. And that's another thing. Some

1070
00:39:08,674 --> 00:39:09,875
people think they have I think I said

1071
00:39:09,875 --> 00:39:11,634
this already. You don't have to say everything

1072
00:39:11,634 --> 00:39:13,199
all in one conversation. So kind kind of

1073
00:39:13,199 --> 00:39:14,559
think to yourself what are the things I'm

1074
00:39:14,559 --> 00:39:15,300
trying to share.

1075
00:39:15,839 --> 00:39:18,099
Pick the one that feels

1076
00:39:19,280 --> 00:39:22,320
the least scary. Right? The least, what will

1077
00:39:22,320 --> 00:39:23,539
they think? The least,

1078
00:39:24,000 --> 00:39:25,434
oh my gosh, is you know, am I

1079
00:39:25,434 --> 00:39:25,934
allowed

1080
00:39:26,875 --> 00:39:28,635
to ask for this? Yes. You are allowed

1081
00:39:28,635 --> 00:39:30,734
to ask for whatever the fuck you want.

1082
00:39:30,795 --> 00:39:31,295
It's

1083
00:39:32,155 --> 00:39:33,755
up to the other person if they will

1084
00:39:33,755 --> 00:39:35,194
agree that, yes, they would like to do

1085
00:39:35,194 --> 00:39:36,174
that with you too.

1086
00:39:37,275 --> 00:39:39,034
But start with the one that doesn't feel

1087
00:39:39,034 --> 00:39:41,010
quite as daunting, and that can be your

1088
00:39:41,090 --> 00:39:42,610
first leap of faith. I'm gonna say this

1089
00:39:42,610 --> 00:39:44,610
thing. How do they handle it? How do

1090
00:39:44,610 --> 00:39:47,489
they respond? Right? How do how do I

1091
00:39:47,489 --> 00:39:48,789
feel in this conversation?

1092
00:39:49,570 --> 00:39:50,789
Did it go well?

1093
00:39:51,809 --> 00:39:52,849
The other thing is,

1094
00:39:53,809 --> 00:39:56,574
communication skills are bumpy. It's not a linear

1095
00:39:56,574 --> 00:39:58,894
path once you like start focusing on them

1096
00:39:58,894 --> 00:40:00,035
and trying to get better.

1097
00:40:00,414 --> 00:40:02,755
It's a two steps forward, one step back.

1098
00:40:03,614 --> 00:40:05,934
And it's like that for you and your

1099
00:40:05,934 --> 00:40:06,434
partner.

1100
00:40:07,695 --> 00:40:08,195
And

1101
00:40:09,059 --> 00:40:11,300
I'm not saying it's always gonna happen all

1102
00:40:11,300 --> 00:40:13,320
of the time, but there will be times

1103
00:40:13,460 --> 00:40:16,119
when you will both be trying to communicate

1104
00:40:16,180 --> 00:40:18,199
the best you can and it's it's clashing.

1105
00:40:18,420 --> 00:40:19,860
You're not on the same page. You're not

1106
00:40:19,860 --> 00:40:20,760
on the same wavelength.

1107
00:40:21,860 --> 00:40:23,640
One of you is misreading something.

1108
00:40:24,454 --> 00:40:27,014
Does it mean everything's doomed and It's it's

1109
00:40:27,014 --> 00:40:29,094
called go to your separate corners, cool the

1110
00:40:29,094 --> 00:40:31,355
fuck off, and maybe you send an email

1111
00:40:31,494 --> 00:40:33,574
with your thoughts. That's what We used to

1112
00:40:33,574 --> 00:40:34,715
get into those moments.

1113
00:40:35,094 --> 00:40:37,434
I'm better now at saying, JB,

1114
00:40:38,269 --> 00:40:40,030
we both want the same outcome. We are

1115
00:40:40,030 --> 00:40:41,869
on the same team. That's true. And that

1116
00:40:41,869 --> 00:40:43,630
kind of resets us. But in the beginning,

1117
00:40:43,630 --> 00:40:45,070
I didn't have that kind of confidence to

1118
00:40:45,070 --> 00:40:46,670
say that. I didn't even have that thought

1119
00:40:46,670 --> 00:40:47,730
in my head yet.

1120
00:40:48,109 --> 00:40:50,130
So we would be trying to

1121
00:40:50,684 --> 00:40:52,364
do something that we both wanted to do

1122
00:40:52,364 --> 00:40:54,445
or have a serious discussion about a thing

1123
00:40:54,445 --> 00:40:57,105
that affected and our own lack of communication

1124
00:40:57,965 --> 00:40:59,805
was getting in our way. So we would

1125
00:40:59,805 --> 00:41:02,045
get upset with one another when that did

1126
00:41:02,045 --> 00:41:03,885
not make sense to do. We'd go to

1127
00:41:03,885 --> 00:41:05,656
separate corners to calm down. That was the

1128
00:41:05,656 --> 00:41:06,210
hardest part

1129
00:41:06,510 --> 00:41:08,829
for me because that's some of my trust

1130
00:41:08,829 --> 00:41:09,329
issues.

1131
00:41:10,910 --> 00:41:12,989
But so what would typically happen is I

1132
00:41:12,989 --> 00:41:14,269
would get my thoughts clear and I would

1133
00:41:14,269 --> 00:41:15,469
email them or I'd write them on a

1134
00:41:15,469 --> 00:41:16,289
piece of paper.

1135
00:41:16,910 --> 00:41:18,349
But we would cool off and then we'd

1136
00:41:18,349 --> 00:41:19,550
come back. And by the time we came

1137
00:41:19,550 --> 00:41:20,050
back,

1138
00:41:20,590 --> 00:41:21,914
we we were like, okay. It's us against

1139
00:41:21,914 --> 00:41:23,855
the problem, not us against one another.

1140
00:41:24,235 --> 00:41:26,394
Now we just give verbal cues. Now I

1141
00:41:26,394 --> 00:41:28,394
tend to be better at that than Jamie.

1142
00:41:28,394 --> 00:41:28,974
You do.

1143
00:41:29,755 --> 00:41:31,835
Jamie when Jamie gets annoyed, he goes inward

1144
00:41:31,835 --> 00:41:32,325
and he

1145
00:41:33,050 --> 00:41:34,969
fuck all y'all. He is inward now, and

1146
00:41:34,969 --> 00:41:36,349
he is self protective.

1147
00:41:36,730 --> 00:41:38,969
And I'm over here raising a white flag

1148
00:41:38,969 --> 00:41:41,609
going, dude, dude, we could we could solve

1149
00:41:41,609 --> 00:41:42,109
this.

1150
00:41:44,650 --> 00:41:46,489
So that that's a thing to all That's

1151
00:41:46,489 --> 00:41:48,835
my crabby nature. Yes. You are a Cancer.

1152
00:41:48,835 --> 00:41:49,775
Oh, my God.

1153
00:41:51,594 --> 00:41:54,074
That's a thing to just keep in mind.

1154
00:41:54,074 --> 00:41:56,255
This is it's a it's a very

1155
00:41:57,835 --> 00:41:59,775
squiggly line of chaos

1156
00:42:00,394 --> 00:42:02,474
Mhmm. As your to your path to, like,

1157
00:42:02,474 --> 00:42:03,659
get better over time.

1158
00:42:05,420 --> 00:42:08,460
And any communication skills you improve on in

1159
00:42:08,460 --> 00:42:10,380
kink, they are transferable to every part of

1160
00:42:10,380 --> 00:42:11,039
your life.

1161
00:42:11,339 --> 00:42:13,739
If you find that you are having to

1162
00:42:13,739 --> 00:42:16,219
sort of work with new communication skills in

1163
00:42:16,219 --> 00:42:17,684
other parts of your life, like

1164
00:42:18,965 --> 00:42:20,184
learning how to

1165
00:42:20,485 --> 00:42:22,805
talk to my children, young children, in a

1166
00:42:22,805 --> 00:42:23,864
way to help them,

1167
00:42:24,405 --> 00:42:25,545
regulate their emotions

1168
00:42:26,164 --> 00:42:28,085
actually makes it easier for me to talk

1169
00:42:28,085 --> 00:42:30,885
to JB when he needs to regulate his

1170
00:42:30,885 --> 00:42:31,385
emotions.

1171
00:42:31,969 --> 00:42:35,190
So any communication skill you pick up from

1172
00:42:35,329 --> 00:42:37,589
anywhere in life is transferable.

1173
00:42:37,969 --> 00:42:38,469
Okay?

1174
00:42:39,889 --> 00:42:41,510
So just keep that in mind too.

1175
00:42:42,210 --> 00:42:42,710
But

1176
00:42:43,969 --> 00:42:45,429
that was our second question.

1177
00:42:47,284 --> 00:42:49,045
For anybody who maybe you've never heard one

1178
00:42:49,045 --> 00:42:50,804
of the the Monday q and a episodes

1179
00:42:50,804 --> 00:42:52,085
we're not doing right now, we're on a

1180
00:42:52,085 --> 00:42:52,984
break from them,

1181
00:42:53,284 --> 00:42:55,204
that's what they're like. We read the question

1182
00:42:55,204 --> 00:42:56,565
and then I go on a rant and

1183
00:42:56,565 --> 00:42:58,885
JB says something smart, but he he'll say

1184
00:42:58,885 --> 00:43:01,304
his five words. He said what he said,

1185
00:43:01,809 --> 00:43:03,190
and he's done.

1186
00:43:04,849 --> 00:43:06,230
And then I will be

1187
00:43:07,329 --> 00:43:09,029
Swiss cheese brain chaos.

1188
00:43:10,609 --> 00:43:12,369
Now we did have another question, and I

1189
00:43:12,369 --> 00:43:15,109
was real fucking excited to answer it.

1190
00:43:15,994 --> 00:43:17,515
I was going on a rant in my

1191
00:43:17,515 --> 00:43:18,954
head, but I was also like, okay. Like,

1192
00:43:18,954 --> 00:43:20,394
I was mapping it out. Sometimes when I

1193
00:43:20,394 --> 00:43:21,835
read a question, I'm like, okay. The the

1194
00:43:21,835 --> 00:43:23,695
brain just starts up.

1195
00:43:23,994 --> 00:43:27,055
It's like a, you know, coal powered train

1196
00:43:27,195 --> 00:43:27,695
engine.

1197
00:43:28,155 --> 00:43:28,974
It's fine.

1198
00:43:29,594 --> 00:43:31,469
And then the very last line was, do

1199
00:43:31,469 --> 00:43:32,989
not read this on the podcast. I was

1200
00:43:32,989 --> 00:43:33,889
like, damn it.

1201
00:43:34,670 --> 00:43:35,170
So,

1202
00:43:37,309 --> 00:43:39,550
it was there. It was a juicy one.

1203
00:43:39,550 --> 00:43:40,050
Uh-oh.

1204
00:43:41,949 --> 00:43:44,269
But we do respect that if you're like,

1205
00:43:44,269 --> 00:43:46,110
I don't want this. Right. Like, that that's

1206
00:43:46,110 --> 00:43:49,285
fine. That being said, because I've lived in

1207
00:43:49,285 --> 00:43:51,545
email hell for about a month,

1208
00:43:52,325 --> 00:43:54,345
if you have sent in a question,

1209
00:43:55,605 --> 00:43:58,025
I didn't get it. It's gone. The Internet

1210
00:43:58,085 --> 00:43:58,739
ate it. I

1211
00:44:00,739 --> 00:44:02,760
don't know. I don't know where it is.

1212
00:44:02,900 --> 00:44:04,920
It's floating out in the ether somewhere.

1213
00:44:06,900 --> 00:44:08,980
And if you're like, do they really answer

1214
00:44:08,980 --> 00:44:10,659
a quest and you've never sent one but

1215
00:44:10,659 --> 00:44:12,900
you're like, oh, I have I have a

1216
00:44:12,900 --> 00:44:13,400
thing.

1217
00:44:13,780 --> 00:44:15,594
Feel free. The link is in the places.

1218
00:44:16,295 --> 00:44:17,494
It's a form you fill out on our

1219
00:44:17,494 --> 00:44:19,514
website, but it comes to me via

1220
00:44:19,815 --> 00:44:20,315
email.

1221
00:44:20,614 --> 00:44:23,674
Mhmm. Yeah. And as I'm sitting here,

1222
00:44:24,614 --> 00:44:26,429
it's just now occurring to me.

1223
00:44:27,309 --> 00:44:28,989
I think there's a place on our website

1224
00:44:28,989 --> 00:44:30,369
where I could go and read them.

1225
00:44:31,309 --> 00:44:33,069
All that time, I was, like, freaking out

1226
00:44:33,069 --> 00:44:34,929
over emails I could not get to.

1227
00:44:35,389 --> 00:44:36,929
I I I believe

1228
00:44:37,389 --> 00:44:39,150
there's a in the back end of our

1229
00:44:39,150 --> 00:44:41,114
website. Yeah. There should be. As I'm sitting

1230
00:44:43,114 --> 00:44:44,315
here Mhmm. I'm figuring that out. God. Better

1231
00:44:44,315 --> 00:44:45,215
late than never.

1232
00:44:45,914 --> 00:44:46,894
Got there eventually.

1233
00:44:47,195 --> 00:44:48,655
Just took me a fucking month.

1234
00:44:48,954 --> 00:44:51,355
And recording of a whole podcast and the

1235
00:44:51,355 --> 00:44:54,315
the saying it out loud, the verbalizing of

1236
00:44:54,315 --> 00:44:55,855
what the hell's going on, and then

1237
00:44:56,730 --> 00:44:59,150
and then the light bulb finally came on.

1238
00:45:01,530 --> 00:45:04,250
I did the slow dim, like, went from

1239
00:45:04,250 --> 00:45:06,730
dim to bright real, real slowly, but that

1240
00:45:06,730 --> 00:45:09,289
light bulb did come on. Goodness. Yeah. Hey.

1241
00:45:09,289 --> 00:45:10,889
That's, you know, that's all that matters in

1242
00:45:10,889 --> 00:45:12,109
the end. God.

1243
00:45:13,184 --> 00:45:16,065
Look. I like answering people's questions because I

1244
00:45:16,065 --> 00:45:17,125
wanna help folks.

1245
00:45:19,425 --> 00:45:20,224
90%

1246
00:45:20,224 --> 00:45:21,744
of the time, the answer is please have

1247
00:45:21,744 --> 00:45:23,045
a conversation with your partner.

1248
00:45:23,825 --> 00:45:25,265
What we tend to add to that is

1249
00:45:25,265 --> 00:45:27,519
the nuance of think about these things, consider

1250
00:45:27,820 --> 00:45:28,639
that, whatever.

1251
00:45:29,820 --> 00:45:31,420
So the majority of it, that's what I

1252
00:45:31,420 --> 00:45:32,940
like. I like I like to try to

1253
00:45:32,940 --> 00:45:35,119
help folks just from our perspective.

1254
00:45:35,420 --> 00:45:37,420
Our perspective is not the only perspective, and

1255
00:45:37,420 --> 00:45:38,880
there will be other ways

1256
00:45:39,500 --> 00:45:40,000
to

1257
00:45:40,375 --> 00:45:42,135
deal with the issues that you face. We're

1258
00:45:42,135 --> 00:45:43,655
just gonna tell you what we would do

1259
00:45:43,655 --> 00:45:44,715
if it was us.

1260
00:45:45,255 --> 00:45:47,035
But also I'm a nosy bitch.

1261
00:45:49,175 --> 00:45:49,994
And sometimes

1262
00:45:51,494 --> 00:45:53,275
sometimes I have to be reminded

1263
00:45:53,575 --> 00:45:54,075
that,

1264
00:45:54,429 --> 00:45:56,110
man, there really are some shitty people out

1265
00:45:56,110 --> 00:45:57,789
here trying to, you know, call themselves a

1266
00:45:57,789 --> 00:46:00,030
dom or a sub. Yeah. In the emails

1267
00:46:00,030 --> 00:46:01,469
we get, it tends to be the dom,

1268
00:46:01,469 --> 00:46:02,369
but not always.

1269
00:46:03,469 --> 00:46:05,250
But also some people will, like,

1270
00:46:05,550 --> 00:46:08,530
explain as as the context for the question,

1271
00:46:08,614 --> 00:46:11,894
Like, okay. Here's my life situation. Here's the

1272
00:46:11,894 --> 00:46:14,295
relationship situation. And I'm like, oh, I need

1273
00:46:14,295 --> 00:46:16,375
to get the board out and do the

1274
00:46:16,375 --> 00:46:16,875
strings.

1275
00:46:17,335 --> 00:46:19,355
It's fast. Like, I'm a nosy bitch.

1276
00:46:19,974 --> 00:46:20,474
I

1277
00:46:21,255 --> 00:46:21,755
am.

1278
00:46:22,809 --> 00:46:24,730
See, I think I learned something about you

1279
00:46:24,730 --> 00:46:26,889
tonight. I didn't Oh, that I'm a nosy

1280
00:46:26,889 --> 00:46:28,829
bitch? Yeah. But you did not know? No.

1281
00:46:29,210 --> 00:46:30,889
Well, I think it's because in public, I'm

1282
00:46:30,889 --> 00:46:32,349
really good at overhearing,

1283
00:46:32,809 --> 00:46:35,005
but keeping the face real neutral. Because, see,

1284
00:46:35,005 --> 00:46:37,085
look, if your face is expressive out in

1285
00:46:37,085 --> 00:46:39,565
public, people wanna come talk to you. I

1286
00:46:39,565 --> 00:46:41,405
don't want that. No. No. No. I do

1287
00:46:41,405 --> 00:46:42,304
not need strangers.

1288
00:46:43,885 --> 00:46:45,105
Like, random people.

1289
00:46:45,724 --> 00:46:47,644
Crickets? Y'all can walk up to me anytime.

1290
00:46:47,644 --> 00:46:48,784
It has happened before.

1291
00:46:49,110 --> 00:46:50,789
It was a very weird thing because I

1292
00:46:50,789 --> 00:46:52,170
was just trying to get some groceries.

1293
00:46:53,110 --> 00:46:54,789
And I'm just a weirdo on the Internet,

1294
00:46:54,789 --> 00:46:56,710
and that person was very lovely. It made

1295
00:46:56,710 --> 00:46:57,930
me feel very special.

1296
00:46:59,670 --> 00:47:01,030
I don't mean that. But, like, if we're

1297
00:47:01,030 --> 00:47:03,025
sitting, like, in a I don't know. In

1298
00:47:03,025 --> 00:47:04,625
the Waffle House. God, it happens in the

1299
00:47:04,625 --> 00:47:06,545
Waffle House a lot. You let your face

1300
00:47:06,545 --> 00:47:07,285
get expressive.

1301
00:47:08,385 --> 00:47:10,065
Somebody's just gonna come talk to you. I

1302
00:47:10,065 --> 00:47:10,724
don't need

1303
00:47:11,505 --> 00:47:13,125
I don't need that in my life. Mhmm.

1304
00:47:13,585 --> 00:47:14,085
Mhmm.

1305
00:47:14,465 --> 00:47:14,965
Yeah.

1306
00:47:15,744 --> 00:47:16,244
My

1307
00:47:16,785 --> 00:47:18,440
my hearing is not like your hearing is,

1308
00:47:18,440 --> 00:47:19,639
like, I don't need a hearing aid or

1309
00:47:19,639 --> 00:47:21,719
anything. My hearing's not as good as it

1310
00:47:21,719 --> 00:47:24,119
used to be, and also my auditory processing

1311
00:47:24,119 --> 00:47:25,239
is not as good as it used to

1312
00:47:25,239 --> 00:47:27,079
be. I have to be looking, like, at

1313
00:47:27,079 --> 00:47:29,260
somebody's mouth to kinda catch words sometimes.

1314
00:47:30,199 --> 00:47:31,239
And it had it took me a while

1315
00:47:31,239 --> 00:47:31,431
to learn that that was probably auditory processing

1316
00:47:31,431 --> 00:47:31,559
stuff, not, like, am I am I losing

1317
00:47:31,559 --> 00:47:32,309
my hearing?

1318
00:47:32,864 --> 00:47:33,364
Auditory

1319
00:47:33,905 --> 00:47:36,385
processing stuff, not, like, am I am I

1320
00:47:36,385 --> 00:47:39,204
losing my hearing? So I don't I can't

1321
00:47:39,744 --> 00:47:40,244
overhear

1322
00:47:41,344 --> 00:47:41,844
without

1323
00:47:42,545 --> 00:47:45,505
looking like I'm very interested in this stranger

1324
00:47:45,505 --> 00:47:47,420
where they're having this conversation. Can't do it

1325
00:47:47,420 --> 00:47:48,320
quite as much.

1326
00:47:48,700 --> 00:47:50,820
It is a little more difficult, especially in

1327
00:47:50,820 --> 00:47:53,180
a, busy place. But, yeah, back in the

1328
00:47:53,180 --> 00:47:54,619
day, oh, I just like when we used

1329
00:47:54,619 --> 00:47:56,460
to go to Starbucks all the time, we'd

1330
00:47:56,460 --> 00:47:57,519
sit in those chairs,

1331
00:47:57,980 --> 00:47:59,579
and we'd be talking. And when we weren't

1332
00:47:59,579 --> 00:48:00,079
talking,

1333
00:48:00,644 --> 00:48:02,565
I'd just be listening. I hear all kinds

1334
00:48:02,565 --> 00:48:04,805
of shit. All kinds of stuff. I'm a

1335
00:48:04,885 --> 00:48:06,265
I am a nosy bitch.

1336
00:48:06,804 --> 00:48:09,125
I don't wanna engage with the shit I

1337
00:48:09,125 --> 00:48:10,344
learn or hear.

1338
00:48:10,885 --> 00:48:12,644
No. No. No. That's called interaction. Who wants

1339
00:48:12,644 --> 00:48:13,144
that?

1340
00:48:13,765 --> 00:48:14,985
But I wanna know.

1341
00:48:16,980 --> 00:48:18,980
It keeps me humble. It reminds me every

1342
00:48:19,059 --> 00:48:21,140
I think everybody needs to keep it in

1343
00:48:21,140 --> 00:48:22,199
their head that whatever

1344
00:48:22,500 --> 00:48:23,480
you are experiencing

1345
00:48:24,099 --> 00:48:25,860
is only what you are experiencing, and other

1346
00:48:25,860 --> 00:48:27,619
people don't experience the world the way you

1347
00:48:27,619 --> 00:48:30,199
experience it. It's true. And a good reality

1348
00:48:30,340 --> 00:48:31,719
check for that is to

1349
00:48:32,555 --> 00:48:34,894
listen to strangers talk to one another.

1350
00:48:36,155 --> 00:48:38,635
Look. I'm not getting up and, like, scooting

1351
00:48:38,635 --> 00:48:40,315
in the booth with them to, like, hear

1352
00:48:40,315 --> 00:48:42,655
their innermost whatever whatever. But if

1353
00:48:42,954 --> 00:48:44,875
if you are within, like, a five foot

1354
00:48:44,875 --> 00:48:45,690
zone of me

1355
00:48:46,569 --> 00:48:48,250
and your voice is at a volume that

1356
00:48:48,250 --> 00:48:49,069
I can hear,

1357
00:48:53,210 --> 00:48:55,050
I won't you won't know, but I will

1358
00:48:55,050 --> 00:48:56,730
know. And then we'll get in the car

1359
00:48:56,730 --> 00:48:58,010
later. I'll be like, oh my god. Did

1360
00:48:58,010 --> 00:48:59,369
you hear them? He's like, no. I didn't

1361
00:48:59,369 --> 00:49:01,295
hear them. Oh, let me tell you. I'm

1362
00:49:03,275 --> 00:49:04,635
just saying I'm a nosy bitch. Just send

1363
00:49:04,635 --> 00:49:05,855
the damn questions in.

1364
00:49:10,954 --> 00:49:11,775
I am,

1365
00:49:12,795 --> 00:49:13,534
it was,

1366
00:49:14,510 --> 00:49:15,889
we are chaotic.

1367
00:49:17,710 --> 00:49:18,929
Really? I know.

1368
00:49:20,269 --> 00:49:22,369
This Who would have ever guessed? Right?

1369
00:49:23,710 --> 00:49:24,690
This was random.

1370
00:49:25,389 --> 00:49:28,505
I wanted I wanted to do the topic

1371
00:49:28,505 --> 00:49:30,425
that I came up with in my fucking

1372
00:49:30,425 --> 00:49:32,105
head. And then I have another topic I

1373
00:49:32,105 --> 00:49:33,545
wanna do but I have to research on

1374
00:49:33,545 --> 00:49:35,005
that. I don't want to

1375
00:49:35,625 --> 00:49:36,765
I mean, I don't

1376
00:49:37,945 --> 00:49:40,105
sometimes I have to just not know stuff

1377
00:49:40,105 --> 00:49:41,730
out loud in front of other people because

1378
00:49:41,730 --> 00:49:42,710
that's how you learn

1379
00:49:43,010 --> 00:49:43,829
things. But

1380
00:49:44,530 --> 00:49:46,130
I have access to the Internet, so I

1381
00:49:46,130 --> 00:49:47,730
should if I'm gonna talk about something that

1382
00:49:47,730 --> 00:49:49,109
is not my lived experience,

1383
00:49:49,969 --> 00:49:50,869
I should, like,

1384
00:49:51,250 --> 00:49:52,929
go learn a little bit more about it

1385
00:49:52,929 --> 00:49:54,369
and not just be speaking out of my

1386
00:49:54,369 --> 00:49:55,349
ass about something.

1387
00:49:55,889 --> 00:49:57,704
That's just how I view these things.

1388
00:49:58,825 --> 00:50:00,505
So I have another topic I really want

1389
00:50:00,505 --> 00:50:02,025
us to do, but I do have to

1390
00:50:02,025 --> 00:50:02,925
sit down

1391
00:50:03,864 --> 00:50:06,265
and, like And and flush flush it out.

1392
00:50:06,265 --> 00:50:08,765
I gotta go learn shit. So Okay.

1393
00:50:10,139 --> 00:50:13,039
Anyway, this was our very chaotic episode. Mhmm.

1394
00:50:14,619 --> 00:50:16,539
If you have not already, and you want

1395
00:50:16,539 --> 00:50:17,260
to, please,

1396
00:50:17,579 --> 00:50:19,359
enter our podcast anniversary

1397
00:50:19,980 --> 00:50:22,859
giveaway. Mhmm. It's still open until when? The

1398
00:50:22,859 --> 00:50:23,980
August,

1399
00:50:23,980 --> 00:50:25,364
whatever day that is.

1400
00:50:29,605 --> 00:50:30,105
And

1401
00:50:30,724 --> 00:50:32,405
we will just keep doing more of this,

1402
00:50:32,405 --> 00:50:34,505
but we'll call it a bonus section. Okay.

1403
00:50:34,565 --> 00:50:35,525
Okay. So we're all,

1404
00:50:36,965 --> 00:50:39,045
I don't know. You don't know? That's not

1405
00:50:39,045 --> 00:50:40,264
for me to say. Okay.

1406
00:50:40,929 --> 00:50:42,769
Keep it kinky, y'all. And we'll see you

1407
00:50:42,769 --> 00:50:43,510
next time.

1408
00:50:53,489 --> 00:50:56,894
There are fuzzies Yeah. Just floating through the

1409
00:50:56,894 --> 00:50:59,114
air. Mhmm. Oh my gosh. Because

1410
00:50:59,655 --> 00:51:00,454
Lola's been

1411
00:51:01,574 --> 00:51:03,094
so I have to ask Yeah.

1412
00:51:03,494 --> 00:51:05,494
When she was getting her zoomies over there

1413
00:51:05,494 --> 00:51:07,014
when she was back in and out, in

1414
00:51:07,014 --> 00:51:07,675
and out,

1415
00:51:08,135 --> 00:51:10,369
did did you forget we were over here?

1416
00:51:10,369 --> 00:51:12,289
No. Okay. Because there was a o in

1417
00:51:12,289 --> 00:51:14,050
the background, and I was like I thought

1418
00:51:14,050 --> 00:51:16,050
that was for something else. Okay. I was

1419
00:51:16,050 --> 00:51:17,570
like, did he forget we were doing a

1420
00:51:17,570 --> 00:51:19,110
podcast? No. No. No. No.

1421
00:51:19,730 --> 00:51:21,970
No. I I just knew if I didn't

1422
00:51:21,970 --> 00:51:22,630
give her

1423
00:51:22,985 --> 00:51:25,065
a quick outlet to let off that steam

1424
00:51:25,304 --> 00:51:25,804
Yeah.

1425
00:51:26,105 --> 00:51:27,704
It was only gonna get worse. Right. That's

1426
00:51:27,704 --> 00:51:30,025
the thing. When she started a wooing, she

1427
00:51:30,025 --> 00:51:32,105
was calmly laying in her cot. She was

1428
00:51:32,105 --> 00:51:34,425
not Yeah. Begging for attention. We were not

1429
00:51:34,425 --> 00:51:36,985
ignoring her. She was chilling. And then she

1430
00:51:36,985 --> 00:51:39,159
just decided, I am done chilling,

1431
00:51:39,859 --> 00:51:41,779
and I will let you know Right. By

1432
00:51:41,779 --> 00:51:43,159
singing the song of my people.

1433
00:51:44,179 --> 00:51:44,679
Yeah.

1434
00:51:50,295 --> 00:51:50,795
So

1435
00:51:52,855 --> 00:51:53,355
yeah.

1436
00:51:53,974 --> 00:51:54,474
Yeah.

1437
00:51:56,135 --> 00:51:57,574
There was a thing. I was like, oh,

1438
00:51:57,574 --> 00:52:00,394
we'll talk about that in the bonus section,

1439
00:52:00,534 --> 00:52:02,155
and I have forgotten it.

1440
00:52:04,880 --> 00:52:05,940
I forgot it.

1441
00:52:07,599 --> 00:52:10,980
Yeah. No. No clue. No. Gone. Oh. Gone.

1442
00:52:11,039 --> 00:52:11,539
This

1443
00:52:12,000 --> 00:52:12,500
I

1444
00:52:13,599 --> 00:52:15,440
I don't know if I'm just so used

1445
00:52:15,440 --> 00:52:16,820
to Swiss cheese brain

1446
00:52:17,200 --> 00:52:17,940
these days.

1447
00:52:18,394 --> 00:52:19,675
I call it that because it really does

1448
00:52:19,675 --> 00:52:21,114
feel like there are holes in my brain

1449
00:52:21,114 --> 00:52:23,434
and, like, the information just falls through one

1450
00:52:23,434 --> 00:52:24,635
and it's a black hole and it's gone

1451
00:52:24,635 --> 00:52:25,614
and I don't know.

1452
00:52:26,635 --> 00:52:28,795
Or I chase thoughts through the holes that

1453
00:52:28,795 --> 00:52:30,394
make a maze in my brain. I can

1454
00:52:30,394 --> 00:52:32,315
I can take that, analogy a little too

1455
00:52:32,315 --> 00:52:32,815
far?

1456
00:52:33,940 --> 00:52:34,599
I don't

1457
00:52:35,059 --> 00:52:37,460
know if I'm just resigned that every moment

1458
00:52:37,460 --> 00:52:39,400
of every day is now a Swiss cheese

1459
00:52:39,780 --> 00:52:40,599
brain moment.

1460
00:52:41,059 --> 00:52:42,760
So I don't even clock it

1461
00:52:43,059 --> 00:52:46,199
or if it did come upon me suddenly

1462
00:52:46,500 --> 00:52:48,760
and I went, oh, it's gonna be chaos

1463
00:52:48,900 --> 00:52:51,164
for this stream slash recording.

1464
00:52:51,784 --> 00:52:54,905
Okay. Because the moment I wanted words to

1465
00:52:54,905 --> 00:52:56,905
come out of my fucking mouth, I was

1466
00:52:56,905 --> 00:52:58,045
like, oh, no.

1467
00:52:58,905 --> 00:52:59,405
No.

1468
00:53:00,105 --> 00:53:02,664
The hole's in the cheese. It's just black

1469
00:53:02,664 --> 00:53:04,909
holes. Things are gonna disappear.

1470
00:53:07,849 --> 00:53:09,849
And I maybe maybe it's I just walk

1471
00:53:09,849 --> 00:53:11,690
around all day long like that, but I

1472
00:53:11,690 --> 00:53:12,909
don't like,

1473
00:53:14,010 --> 00:53:15,449
a lot of the work I've been doing

1474
00:53:15,449 --> 00:53:18,135
lately has been very physical. Like, we making

1475
00:53:18,135 --> 00:53:20,775
paddles. I've been pouring resin. Like, I don't

1476
00:53:20,775 --> 00:53:24,614
have to articulate thoughts to do that. JB

1477
00:53:24,614 --> 00:53:26,295
and I are able to get through an

1478
00:53:26,295 --> 00:53:29,675
entire day and communicate mostly in grunts, eyebrow

1479
00:53:29,735 --> 00:53:32,010
raises, and nudges, you know? Yeah.

1480
00:53:32,950 --> 00:53:34,710
At this point in life. So I have

1481
00:53:34,710 --> 00:53:37,349
to articulate very much a lot of the

1482
00:53:37,349 --> 00:53:37,849
time.

1483
00:53:39,269 --> 00:53:39,769
So

1484
00:53:40,070 --> 00:53:41,910
it I think the surprise is the same

1485
00:53:41,910 --> 00:53:43,430
when I go, oh, yeah. That's right. Let

1486
00:53:43,430 --> 00:53:45,525
me be reminded, Swiss cheese brain. Because I

1487
00:53:45,684 --> 00:53:47,704
still to this day do not expect it.

1488
00:53:48,085 --> 00:53:48,585
I

1489
00:53:49,204 --> 00:53:49,704
look.

1490
00:53:50,324 --> 00:53:50,824
Look.

1491
00:53:52,804 --> 00:53:55,224
I get to look at the thumbnails

1492
00:53:55,605 --> 00:53:56,424
from every

1493
00:53:56,804 --> 00:53:59,144
YouTube video we've ever done, livestreaming.

1494
00:53:59,859 --> 00:54:02,359
And so I get to, through the history

1495
00:54:02,420 --> 00:54:03,320
of our channel,

1496
00:54:03,780 --> 00:54:04,280
see

1497
00:54:04,820 --> 00:54:05,559
our progression

1498
00:54:06,179 --> 00:54:07,400
as we've aged.

1499
00:54:09,859 --> 00:54:11,559
But I still want to believe

1500
00:54:12,339 --> 00:54:13,800
that I am that articulate,

1501
00:54:14,335 --> 00:54:15,954
Oh, god. I was, what,

1502
00:54:17,135 --> 00:54:18,434
34?

1503
00:54:19,535 --> 00:54:20,094
About to

1504
00:54:20,974 --> 00:54:23,054
33 about to be 34? 34 about to

1505
00:54:23,054 --> 00:54:25,614
be 35? Mid fucking thirties when we started

1506
00:54:25,614 --> 00:54:27,954
the podcast, and I could have a thought,

1507
00:54:28,414 --> 00:54:29,489
think about a thought,

1508
00:54:30,130 --> 00:54:32,050
say a thought to somebody else, and still

1509
00:54:32,050 --> 00:54:33,969
remember that thought to repeat it back into

1510
00:54:33,969 --> 00:54:34,630
a microphone.

1511
00:54:35,010 --> 00:54:37,409
I want to keep believing that I am

1512
00:54:37,409 --> 00:54:38,309
that person,

1513
00:54:38,690 --> 00:54:40,869
and I am not that person.

1514
00:54:41,730 --> 00:54:44,135
I know physically I'm not that person anymore.

1515
00:54:44,355 --> 00:54:46,054
I've got the visual proof

1516
00:54:46,434 --> 00:54:48,295
in our YouTube studio dashboard.

1517
00:54:50,835 --> 00:54:51,735
But verbally,

1518
00:54:53,315 --> 00:54:54,515
brain wise, I'm

1519
00:54:55,400 --> 00:54:56,300
and it's humbling.

1520
00:54:57,400 --> 00:54:58,760
I used to say I had a mind

1521
00:54:58,760 --> 00:54:59,980
like a steel trap.

1522
00:55:00,840 --> 00:55:01,579
Not anymore.

1523
00:55:02,280 --> 00:55:03,019
Not anymore.

1524
00:55:04,039 --> 00:55:04,860
Not anymore.

1525
00:55:05,480 --> 00:55:07,019
And I keep asking so

1526
00:55:07,480 --> 00:55:08,619
the closest person

1527
00:55:09,305 --> 00:55:11,465
I have, like, physically in my life I

1528
00:55:11,465 --> 00:55:13,224
certainly know people online and can have these

1529
00:55:13,224 --> 00:55:15,545
conversations. The closest person I know physically in

1530
00:55:15,545 --> 00:55:17,305
my life who I can, like, get to

1531
00:55:17,305 --> 00:55:19,945
whatever whatever, who has gone through menopause is

1532
00:55:19,945 --> 00:55:21,565
on the other side. She went through perimenopause,

1533
00:55:21,704 --> 00:55:23,144
she raw dogged that, she didn't even know

1534
00:55:23,144 --> 00:55:24,300
she was in it. Did not know the

1535
00:55:24,300 --> 00:55:26,059
word for it. I'm the one who told

1536
00:55:26,059 --> 00:55:28,640
her after she had been in actual menopause

1537
00:55:28,700 --> 00:55:30,000
for several years.

1538
00:55:32,059 --> 00:55:34,239
She made it through that, hit that

1539
00:55:34,700 --> 00:55:36,675
day when you are officially in menopause, and

1540
00:55:36,675 --> 00:55:38,355
now she's on the other side. And she's

1541
00:55:38,355 --> 00:55:40,835
the only person I'm like, mom. Does it

1542
00:55:40,835 --> 00:55:41,894
does it get better?

1543
00:55:42,675 --> 00:55:43,175
Do

1544
00:55:43,474 --> 00:55:45,715
does your brain come back to you? Can

1545
00:55:45,715 --> 00:55:48,530
you hold thoughts in your head again? I

1546
00:55:48,530 --> 00:55:50,849
I just need to know. I just need

1547
00:55:50,849 --> 00:55:51,510
to know.

1548
00:55:54,289 --> 00:55:55,429
Look, I

1549
00:55:55,809 --> 00:55:58,070
have learned over time that

1550
00:55:58,929 --> 00:56:00,130
I put way

1551
00:56:00,609 --> 00:56:01,349
too much

1552
00:56:02,050 --> 00:56:04,155
pressure on myself and too much gave too

1553
00:56:04,155 --> 00:56:06,335
much weight to my perceived intelligence.

1554
00:56:08,554 --> 00:56:10,954
I I mean, I'm I I believe I'm

1555
00:56:10,954 --> 00:56:13,195
an intelligent human being, but, like, I was,

1556
00:56:13,195 --> 00:56:13,695
like,

1557
00:56:14,315 --> 00:56:16,554
I was full of myself about my perceived

1558
00:56:16,554 --> 00:56:17,054
intelligence.

1559
00:56:17,539 --> 00:56:19,619
I was probably obnoxious about it at certain

1560
00:56:19,619 --> 00:56:20,440
points in life.

1561
00:56:21,940 --> 00:56:23,880
My early twenties come to mind.

1562
00:56:25,859 --> 00:56:27,719
But there are times that I

1563
00:56:28,099 --> 00:56:30,184
I'm like, I know I have thoughts. I

1564
00:56:30,184 --> 00:56:32,184
know I can have coherent thoughts. But I

1565
00:56:32,184 --> 00:56:33,704
will open my mouth to try and speak

1566
00:56:33,704 --> 00:56:35,704
usually into a microphone on the Internet where,

1567
00:56:35,704 --> 00:56:38,025
yeah, everybody can see it. And I feel

1568
00:56:38,025 --> 00:56:40,505
like the biggest fucking dumbass. Like, it's like,

1569
00:56:40,505 --> 00:56:42,684
do I even know anything anymore?

1570
00:56:43,849 --> 00:56:46,750
I don't think so. And the thing is

1571
00:56:47,130 --> 00:56:48,809
is I know that that's not true. Like,

1572
00:56:48,809 --> 00:56:51,210
I know that. But when Okay. Okay. When

1573
00:56:51,210 --> 00:56:53,130
you know that you used to be able

1574
00:56:53,130 --> 00:56:54,910
to have a thought and communicate a thought,

1575
00:56:55,369 --> 00:56:57,005
change your thought mid thought, and come back

1576
00:56:57,005 --> 00:56:58,525
and remember what the fuck you were talking

1577
00:56:58,525 --> 00:56:59,985
about? Yeah. Yeah. It's like

1578
00:57:00,765 --> 00:57:01,265
Mhmm.

1579
00:57:01,565 --> 00:57:03,644
Am I stupid? I don't think I don't

1580
00:57:03,644 --> 00:57:05,344
think I don't wanna be stupid.

1581
00:57:05,885 --> 00:57:08,045
And I'm not. Like, cognitive issues like that

1582
00:57:08,045 --> 00:57:09,425
have nothing to do with intelligence.

1583
00:57:10,050 --> 00:57:10,550
Oh,

1584
00:57:11,329 --> 00:57:13,010
it's been an ego check. I'll tell you

1585
00:57:13,010 --> 00:57:13,510
that.

1586
00:57:17,250 --> 00:57:19,010
Kim asked from my mom what was the

1587
00:57:19,010 --> 00:57:20,789
answer. She can't tell me.

1588
00:57:21,090 --> 00:57:22,390
She is not forthcoming.

1589
00:57:22,769 --> 00:57:23,510
I think

1590
00:57:23,969 --> 00:57:25,110
the the only

1591
00:57:26,684 --> 00:57:29,265
symptom my mom had in perimenopause that she

1592
00:57:29,565 --> 00:57:30,945
understood was a symptom,

1593
00:57:31,724 --> 00:57:33,164
and was at least willing to talk to

1594
00:57:33,164 --> 00:57:35,505
me about was hot flashes. Like, she was

1595
00:57:35,805 --> 00:57:37,805
the the person standing in front of her

1596
00:57:37,805 --> 00:57:39,965
refrigerator just letting the cool air waft on

1597
00:57:39,965 --> 00:57:41,025
her because

1598
00:57:41,360 --> 00:57:43,519
she can pay her if her electric bill

1599
00:57:43,519 --> 00:57:45,280
is like a thousand dollars, she does not

1600
00:57:45,280 --> 00:57:45,780
care.

1601
00:57:46,239 --> 00:57:48,159
She's she's gonna be cool in her house.

1602
00:57:48,159 --> 00:57:49,760
Right? So she would just, like, let all

1603
00:57:49,760 --> 00:57:51,440
the cold air out of the fridge and

1604
00:57:51,440 --> 00:57:53,360
stand in front of it. And she's like,

1605
00:57:53,360 --> 00:57:55,219
well, I don't have to do that anymore.

1606
00:57:56,625 --> 00:57:58,304
So you're saying you didn't you didn't have

1607
00:57:58,304 --> 00:57:59,204
the brain fog?

1608
00:57:59,905 --> 00:58:01,585
You didn't you didn't have the other you

1609
00:58:01,585 --> 00:58:03,425
didn't have the other stuff, mom? You can't

1610
00:58:03,425 --> 00:58:05,364
tell me? It gets better.

1611
00:58:06,065 --> 00:58:07,284
I need to know.

1612
00:58:08,704 --> 00:58:09,150
I need

1613
00:58:11,469 --> 00:58:12,529
to know. Yeah.

1614
00:58:15,389 --> 00:58:15,889
Anyone.

1615
00:58:16,269 --> 00:58:16,769
Anyhoo.

1616
00:58:20,109 --> 00:58:22,795
No. Yeah. It does knock my confidence also

1617
00:58:22,795 --> 00:58:24,175
just as a content creator.

1618
00:58:24,555 --> 00:58:26,155
Because I'm like, man, I used to, like,

1619
00:58:26,155 --> 00:58:27,135
come up with shit.

1620
00:58:29,434 --> 00:58:29,934
Now,

1621
00:58:31,275 --> 00:58:32,655
maybe? I don't know.

1622
00:58:35,019 --> 00:58:35,519
Yeah.

1623
00:58:36,780 --> 00:58:37,280
So

1624
00:58:38,299 --> 00:58:39,679
fun times this perimenopause

1625
00:58:39,980 --> 00:58:40,719
if you,

1626
00:58:41,659 --> 00:58:43,760
are going through it too. Solidarity.

1627
00:58:45,659 --> 00:58:45,739
Mhmm.

1628
00:58:46,614 --> 00:58:47,815
I have to I do have to change

1629
00:58:47,815 --> 00:58:49,035
doctors. I realize that.

1630
00:58:49,655 --> 00:58:51,515
I was watch look.

1631
00:58:51,815 --> 00:58:53,735
I watch YouTube and I look at Instagram

1632
00:58:53,735 --> 00:58:55,494
reels. That's what I do for my my

1633
00:58:55,494 --> 00:58:56,474
video content.

1634
00:58:57,494 --> 00:58:59,670
Man, reels will fuck me up sometimes. But

1635
00:58:59,670 --> 00:59:01,750
I got on the perimenopause and menopause side

1636
00:59:01,750 --> 00:59:02,489
of the algorithm

1637
00:59:03,269 --> 00:59:03,769
and

1638
00:59:04,150 --> 00:59:06,550
it was a doctor doing a reel saying,

1639
00:59:06,550 --> 00:59:08,869
you know, if you're what you're hearing back

1640
00:59:08,869 --> 00:59:11,429
when you're explaining these symptoms that are becoming

1641
00:59:11,429 --> 00:59:11,670
like

1642
00:59:12,385 --> 00:59:14,065
I don't know if debilitating is too strong

1643
00:59:14,065 --> 00:59:16,305
of a word, but some sometimes sometimes that's

1644
00:59:16,305 --> 00:59:17,285
the word I can use.

1645
00:59:17,664 --> 00:59:19,105
And they're telling you, well, you just need

1646
00:59:19,105 --> 00:59:21,845
to sleep more, and you're probably stressed. Right?

1647
00:59:22,625 --> 00:59:25,045
They're not taking it seriously. Right? Whatever.

1648
00:59:26,340 --> 00:59:28,579
And I've been I don't like my doctor

1649
00:59:28,579 --> 00:59:31,059
who gives me my hormones, but she writes

1650
00:59:31,059 --> 00:59:33,800
the prescription. Right? But the last visit,

1651
00:59:34,099 --> 00:59:36,280
she really did say, well are you sleeping

1652
00:59:36,739 --> 00:59:39,079
and are you stressed? And I was like,

1653
00:59:39,700 --> 00:59:41,220
I don't know what that has to do

1654
00:59:41,220 --> 00:59:41,720
with

1655
00:59:42,375 --> 00:59:43,034
the symptoms

1656
00:59:43,494 --> 00:59:45,255
will be fine for, like, a month or

1657
00:59:45,255 --> 00:59:46,954
two and then they're, like,

1658
00:59:47,335 --> 00:59:49,574
not fine and then they're fine and then

1659
00:59:49,574 --> 00:59:50,875
they're not fine. I don't

1660
00:59:51,335 --> 00:59:53,255
it's a cycle. It's a cycle. It's a

1661
00:59:53,255 --> 00:59:53,994
bad cycle.

1662
00:59:54,375 --> 00:59:56,890
It's a curly q wine cycle. It's a

1663
00:59:56,890 --> 00:59:58,110
cycle. Mhmm.

1664
00:59:58,650 --> 01:00:01,130
So, yeah, we're at that point. She's she's

1665
01:00:01,130 --> 01:00:02,570
thrown her hands up. She doesn't think there's

1666
01:00:02,570 --> 01:00:04,090
anything else she can do. And I know

1667
01:00:04,090 --> 01:00:05,930
there is. I've done my research, but she

1668
01:00:05,930 --> 01:00:06,430
won't.

1669
01:00:06,775 --> 01:00:08,295
So I have no choice. I have to

1670
01:00:08,295 --> 01:00:10,054
get a new doctor who will actually fucking

1671
01:00:10,054 --> 01:00:12,534
listen to me. Yeah. Yeah. I know. The

1672
01:00:12,534 --> 01:00:14,614
the first the first doctor you had was

1673
01:00:14,614 --> 01:00:15,355
very good.

1674
01:00:16,375 --> 01:00:18,315
I've had in in my life

1675
01:00:19,260 --> 01:00:23,039
for the gynecology part. OBG, like the obstetrician,

1676
01:00:23,579 --> 01:00:25,739
both of them were excellent. But for the

1677
01:00:25,739 --> 01:00:27,440
gynecology part, I've had two

1678
01:00:28,140 --> 01:00:29,980
that I would do anything to be their

1679
01:00:29,980 --> 01:00:30,880
patient again.

1680
01:00:31,420 --> 01:00:33,934
One is up in the pan presumably, I

1681
01:00:33,934 --> 01:00:35,135
don't know if she's moved. She's up in

1682
01:00:35,135 --> 01:00:37,454
the Panhandle. I'm not driving eight to ten

1683
01:00:37,454 --> 01:00:37,954
hours.

1684
01:00:40,014 --> 01:00:42,275
I could, but it's not that serious yet.

1685
01:00:42,655 --> 01:00:45,074
The other one is in Montana now. So

1686
01:00:47,390 --> 01:00:47,890
Yeah.

1687
01:00:50,110 --> 01:00:52,450
But, anyway, that's my complaint of the day.

1688
01:00:52,590 --> 01:00:54,990
Mhmm. As I I sit here and sweat,

1689
01:00:54,990 --> 01:00:56,510
I can't blame a hot flash. My blood

1690
01:00:56,510 --> 01:00:58,795
pressure went up because I got heated in

1691
01:00:58,795 --> 01:01:00,474
the answering the questions and the lights are

1692
01:01:00,474 --> 01:01:02,414
pointed at me. I know why I'm hot.

1693
01:01:03,675 --> 01:01:05,215
It's the Swiss cheese brain

1694
01:01:05,594 --> 01:01:06,094
situation.

1695
01:01:10,394 --> 01:01:10,894
And

1696
01:01:11,594 --> 01:01:14,159
I know, because I'm aware, that I'm doing

1697
01:01:14,159 --> 01:01:15,440
a whole hell of a lot of talking

1698
01:01:15,440 --> 01:01:17,280
and JB is not doing a whole hell

1699
01:01:17,280 --> 01:01:18,179
of a lot of talking.

1700
01:01:18,719 --> 01:01:20,960
Let me remind anybody who maybe just pulled

1701
01:01:20,960 --> 01:01:22,019
up to this or

1702
01:01:22,480 --> 01:01:24,960
your podcast listener is zoned out. He doesn't

1703
01:01:24,960 --> 01:01:27,045
feel good. Mhmm. This is how we work.

1704
01:01:27,045 --> 01:01:27,545
I

1705
01:01:30,164 --> 01:01:31,465
Yeah. Norm normally,

1706
01:01:31,925 --> 01:01:33,764
if I have to, I try to hold

1707
01:01:33,764 --> 01:01:35,925
out till after, and I take any of

1708
01:01:35,925 --> 01:01:36,984
my meds before

1709
01:01:37,764 --> 01:01:38,264
bedtime.

1710
01:01:39,539 --> 01:01:40,039
But,

1711
01:01:40,579 --> 01:01:41,380
tonight, it was,

1712
01:01:43,300 --> 01:01:44,840
sitting at dinner, and I was getting

1713
01:01:45,300 --> 01:01:47,219
muscle spasms in my lower back. And they're

1714
01:01:47,219 --> 01:01:48,660
like, no. Not going to,

1715
01:01:49,780 --> 01:01:51,394
so, yeah, I took my meds a little

1716
01:01:51,394 --> 01:01:52,434
early and they just kinda

1717
01:01:53,394 --> 01:01:55,655
Yeah. It calms everything down.

1718
01:01:56,434 --> 01:01:56,934
Yeah.

1719
01:01:57,954 --> 01:01:59,234
Yeah. This would be a time you would

1720
01:01:59,234 --> 01:02:00,994
be pretty zoned out. Like, you'd be doing

1721
01:02:00,994 --> 01:02:03,090
something easy on the computer or you'd be

1722
01:02:03,250 --> 01:02:04,849
I'd be playing Terraria or something mindless. Yeah.

1723
01:02:04,849 --> 01:02:05,510
Mhmm. Mhmm.

1724
01:02:06,130 --> 01:02:06,630
Yeah.

1725
01:02:08,050 --> 01:02:09,110
But yeah. Yeah. Right.

1726
01:02:10,369 --> 01:02:12,050
Yeah. It's alright. When we're done here, I'll

1727
01:02:12,050 --> 01:02:14,130
go sit on the, heating pad for a

1728
01:02:14,130 --> 01:02:15,829
little bit. Mhmm. Mhmm.

1729
01:02:17,090 --> 01:02:17,590
I

1730
01:02:18,664 --> 01:02:20,505
am going to make ice cream You are.

1731
01:02:20,585 --> 01:02:22,585
With my Ninja CREAMi. Mhmm. I got an

1732
01:02:22,585 --> 01:02:23,864
early I still don't know if it was

1733
01:02:23,864 --> 01:02:26,425
an early Christmas or early birthday present or

1734
01:02:26,425 --> 01:02:28,905
an early this is both, so enjoy it.

1735
01:02:28,905 --> 01:02:32,045
I'm good with whatever. Mhmm. But my mom

1736
01:02:32,184 --> 01:02:34,429
saw the Ninja CREAMi on sale and went,

1737
01:02:35,050 --> 01:02:35,949
here you go.

1738
01:02:36,329 --> 01:02:38,089
She was gonna get me the Ninja slushy

1739
01:02:38,089 --> 01:02:39,449
thing and I was like, no, I don't

1740
01:02:39,449 --> 01:02:41,150
like the Ninja slushy thing.

1741
01:02:41,609 --> 01:02:44,170
And I love margaritas but I don't like

1742
01:02:44,170 --> 01:02:45,949
them frozen. I want them on the rocks.

1743
01:02:46,170 --> 01:02:47,414
I wanna be able to suck on the

1744
01:02:47,414 --> 01:02:49,414
ice cube after the tequila has cleared my

1745
01:02:49,414 --> 01:02:49,914
sinuses.

1746
01:02:51,815 --> 01:02:54,155
I haven't had a fucking margarita in years,

1747
01:02:54,535 --> 01:02:55,035
years.

1748
01:02:56,055 --> 01:02:57,414
But yeah. I was like, no. I don't

1749
01:02:57,414 --> 01:02:58,934
want the slushy. I want the creamy. And

1750
01:02:58,934 --> 01:03:00,454
then I was like, oh my god. What

1751
01:03:00,454 --> 01:03:02,440
is Ninja doing to the small appliance

1752
01:03:02,920 --> 01:03:04,059
small kitchen appliance

1753
01:03:04,599 --> 01:03:05,099
world?

1754
01:03:07,320 --> 01:03:09,160
So, yeah, we're trying our hand at frozen

1755
01:03:09,160 --> 01:03:11,099
yogurt tonight. I have not made that yet.

1756
01:03:11,719 --> 01:03:13,320
And I mean You've done very well with

1757
01:03:13,320 --> 01:03:14,760
it so far. It's not

1758
01:03:15,320 --> 01:03:17,000
I got myself intimidated because I

1759
01:03:17,855 --> 01:03:19,775
when I'm especially with food, because I don't

1760
01:03:19,775 --> 01:03:22,335
wanna, like, waste food that's expensive, especially right

1761
01:03:22,335 --> 01:03:23,315
now. Good god.

1762
01:03:25,135 --> 01:03:26,734
But I tend to get in my own

1763
01:03:26,734 --> 01:03:27,635
head about

1764
01:03:28,014 --> 01:03:29,855
cooking or trying new recipes when I don't

1765
01:03:29,855 --> 01:03:32,034
have some experience with it.

1766
01:03:33,590 --> 01:03:34,809
I can be influenced,

1767
01:03:35,750 --> 01:03:38,309
online, on social, and the Internet has many

1768
01:03:38,309 --> 01:03:40,890
times made me think that something is easier

1769
01:03:41,349 --> 01:03:43,590
to cook or make food wise than it

1770
01:03:43,590 --> 01:03:45,590
really was. Oh, the family has gone through

1771
01:03:45,590 --> 01:03:47,224
some experiments. I was like, I saw a

1772
01:03:47,224 --> 01:03:48,765
reel. Let's try that for dinner.

1773
01:03:49,385 --> 01:03:51,465
It was just sadness on our plates. Yeah.

1774
01:03:51,465 --> 01:03:53,224
So I got worried that the the trying

1775
01:03:53,224 --> 01:03:54,744
to do the ice cream would be like

1776
01:03:54,744 --> 01:03:55,244
that.

1777
01:03:56,265 --> 01:03:59,489
No. I've cobbled together, like, somebody says do

1778
01:03:59,489 --> 01:04:00,849
this and somebody else says do that. And

1779
01:04:00,849 --> 01:04:02,369
I'm like, oh, I like that stuff, and

1780
01:04:02,369 --> 01:04:04,610
I like that stuff. I'll just combine. And

1781
01:04:04,610 --> 01:04:06,769
it's worked. It's not As far she's done

1782
01:04:06,769 --> 01:04:08,530
good. We've been eating ice cream a little

1783
01:04:08,530 --> 01:04:10,550
bit of ice cream and every night.

1784
01:04:10,929 --> 01:04:14,625
Yeah. Nearly. The the youngest was annoyed that

1785
01:04:14,625 --> 01:04:16,545
I didn't have any prepped one night. They

1786
01:04:16,545 --> 01:04:18,144
were like, I thought we were having ice

1787
01:04:18,144 --> 01:04:21,344
cream tonight. I was like, sorry. You have

1788
01:04:21,344 --> 01:04:23,699
to eat any one of the 10,000,000

1789
01:04:23,859 --> 01:04:26,980
snacks I buy from Aldi this week. I'm

1790
01:04:26,980 --> 01:04:27,719
so sorry.

1791
01:04:28,500 --> 01:04:30,739
I'm I'm I'm looking forward to trying one

1792
01:04:30,739 --> 01:04:33,219
of the milkshakes made with it. Yeah. Part

1793
01:04:33,219 --> 01:04:34,820
of the problem is so if you've not

1794
01:04:35,139 --> 01:04:37,219
if you even give a fuck. The thing

1795
01:04:37,219 --> 01:04:39,465
with the creme is it comes with two,

1796
01:04:39,465 --> 01:04:40,364
like, pint

1797
01:04:40,664 --> 01:04:42,744
containers where you make your ice cream base

1798
01:04:42,744 --> 01:04:45,164
and then you'll use that to whatever whatever.

1799
01:04:45,545 --> 01:04:47,005
We only have two which means

1800
01:04:47,345 --> 01:04:47,845
I'm,

1801
01:04:48,664 --> 01:04:50,744
swapping them in and out. We can buy

1802
01:04:50,744 --> 01:04:51,420
more. We just

1803
01:04:53,339 --> 01:04:53,601
have not yet. We will not buy them

1804
01:04:53,601 --> 01:04:55,339
from Ninja. Those are expensive. We'll buy the

1805
01:04:55,339 --> 01:04:56,559
off brand. Okay?

1806
01:04:57,579 --> 01:04:58,079
But

1807
01:04:58,940 --> 01:05:00,380
so what you have to have for the

1808
01:05:00,380 --> 01:05:02,059
milkshake with the creamies, you have to have

1809
01:05:02,059 --> 01:05:04,319
the ice an ice cream base,

1810
01:05:05,214 --> 01:05:06,815
and we wanna use the ice cream that

1811
01:05:06,815 --> 01:05:08,734
I've been making because I'm making it lactose

1812
01:05:08,734 --> 01:05:10,994
free so me and the youngest can, like,

1813
01:05:11,135 --> 01:05:12,594
enjoy ice cream without,

1814
01:05:12,974 --> 01:05:14,114
like, shitting our pants.

1815
01:05:14,494 --> 01:05:14,994
So,

1816
01:05:17,840 --> 01:05:19,199
that's more than you wanted to know, but

1817
01:05:19,199 --> 01:05:22,340
it's truth, lactose intolerance. Even wanted to know.

1818
01:05:22,719 --> 01:05:24,559
Come on. I have to warn you when

1819
01:05:24,559 --> 01:05:27,139
it's about to happen. Do not follow me.

1820
01:05:27,280 --> 01:05:27,780
Anyway,

1821
01:05:28,800 --> 01:05:31,344
so we wanna make it with the, the

1822
01:05:31,344 --> 01:05:32,945
ice cream I make that's lactose free, blah

1823
01:05:32,945 --> 01:05:35,505
blah blah. But we never have any leftover,

1824
01:05:35,505 --> 01:05:36,945
and I don't ever have seem to have,

1825
01:05:36,945 --> 01:05:38,785
like, a spare container to just that that's

1826
01:05:38,785 --> 01:05:41,184
gonna be milkshake ice cream. Don't anybody eat

1827
01:05:41,184 --> 01:05:41,684
that.

1828
01:05:43,025 --> 01:05:45,184
We'll get there. We'll get there. Yeah. I've

1829
01:05:45,184 --> 01:05:48,369
made chocolate. I've made vanilla. I've made two

1830
01:05:48,369 --> 01:05:48,869
sorbets.

1831
01:05:49,890 --> 01:05:50,390
Mhmm.

1832
01:05:51,809 --> 01:05:53,730
I made vanilla for tonight. We're gonna put

1833
01:05:53,730 --> 01:05:56,869
cookies in as the, like, added flavor, whatever.

1834
01:05:57,329 --> 01:05:58,690
That's called a mix in,

1835
01:05:59,090 --> 01:06:01,514
with the Ninja CREAMEE, if you wondered. And

1836
01:06:01,514 --> 01:06:03,454
I'm also trying frozen yogurt tonight.

1837
01:06:03,755 --> 01:06:06,635
A berry frozen yogurt because I have berry

1838
01:06:06,635 --> 01:06:07,135
yogurt.

1839
01:06:09,755 --> 01:06:10,255
So,

1840
01:06:10,795 --> 01:06:11,934
yeah, it's my new

1841
01:06:12,474 --> 01:06:14,824
my new thing that I do. Yeah.

1842
01:06:15,739 --> 01:06:17,440
JB has the coffee maker.

1843
01:06:17,739 --> 01:06:20,219
Yeah. That's his thing. Mhmm. I got the

1844
01:06:20,219 --> 01:06:20,719
creamy.

1845
01:06:22,139 --> 01:06:22,299
Are

1846
01:06:23,019 --> 01:06:25,599
is nearly everybody in this household making inappropriate

1847
01:06:25,659 --> 01:06:27,579
jokes whenever we have to say the word

1848
01:06:27,579 --> 01:06:28,414
creamy? Yes.

1849
01:06:29,755 --> 01:06:31,375
Including the child.

1850
01:06:31,914 --> 01:06:34,394
The child who's 15 and is, like, literally,

1851
01:06:34,394 --> 01:06:36,635
what, two and a three weeks gonna be

1852
01:06:36,635 --> 01:06:39,775
16. But still, yeah. Everybody's making the jokes.

1853
01:06:41,960 --> 01:06:42,460
So,

1854
01:06:44,359 --> 01:06:44,859
anyway

1855
01:06:45,719 --> 01:06:46,219
Anyhoo.

1856
01:06:46,519 --> 01:06:48,519
I like hanging out with y'all. Even though

1857
01:06:48,519 --> 01:06:50,599
it's a very asynchronous thing for podcast listeners,

1858
01:06:50,599 --> 01:06:52,280
y'all could be listening, like, three years in

1859
01:06:52,280 --> 01:06:54,105
the future from now, I still feel

1860
01:06:56,105 --> 01:06:57,224
like I'm hanging out with y'all. I I

1861
01:06:57,224 --> 01:06:57,724
do.

1862
01:06:58,984 --> 01:06:59,484
So

1863
01:07:02,505 --> 01:07:03,005
anyway.

1864
01:07:03,304 --> 01:07:05,304
But I I guess I'm done because I

1865
01:07:05,304 --> 01:07:06,750
can't remember a thing that there there was

1866
01:07:06,750 --> 01:07:07,869
a thing I was gonna Yeah. And you

1867
01:07:07,869 --> 01:07:09,730
don't come back to you. It's gone.

1868
01:07:10,269 --> 01:07:12,769
Okay. Alright. It fell it fell down

1869
01:07:13,309 --> 01:07:13,889
the wormhole

1870
01:07:14,429 --> 01:07:15,730
unless it was cheese brain.

1871
01:07:16,349 --> 01:07:18,050
Wanna know when it'll come back to me?

1872
01:07:18,429 --> 01:07:18,929
Probably

1873
01:07:19,230 --> 01:07:21,664
when we're laying in bed and you'll catch

1874
01:07:21,664 --> 01:07:23,744
your zoomies and you'll be like, I remember,

1875
01:07:23,744 --> 01:07:24,485
I remember.

1876
01:07:25,025 --> 01:07:26,704
Oh. Okay. That was not the one I

1877
01:07:26,704 --> 01:07:28,485
was thinking of, but that is

1878
01:07:29,105 --> 01:07:30,164
very accurate.

1879
01:07:30,784 --> 01:07:33,445
No. I was thinking of when I randomly

1880
01:07:33,585 --> 01:07:35,500
wake up at like three in the morning

1881
01:07:35,500 --> 01:07:37,099
and can't get back to sleep and I'm

1882
01:07:37,099 --> 01:07:39,980
telling myself self don't have thoughts the moment

1883
01:07:39,980 --> 01:07:41,900
the brain revs up, you're not gonna go

1884
01:07:41,900 --> 01:07:43,679
back to sleep and then

1885
01:07:44,219 --> 01:07:45,440
self doesn't listen.

1886
01:07:48,974 --> 01:07:50,034
So, Annie.

1887
01:07:53,614 --> 01:07:55,934
Annie. Yeah. We both been sleeping like cock

1888
01:07:55,934 --> 01:07:58,014
out lately. Yeah. I was doing some shit,

1889
01:07:58,014 --> 01:07:58,514
man.

1890
01:08:01,089 --> 01:08:03,569
But if if I keep just talking about

1891
01:08:03,569 --> 01:08:06,050
nothing I know. I can't make frozen yogurt.

1892
01:08:06,050 --> 01:08:07,889
I know. Oh, we gotta have frozen yogurt.

1893
01:08:07,889 --> 01:08:08,449
That's that's,

1894
01:08:08,929 --> 01:08:10,849
I gotta know. It's a must have. We

1895
01:08:10,849 --> 01:08:12,530
have to, you know Especially when I'm all

1896
01:08:12,530 --> 01:08:14,864
hot and, like, got my blood pressure up,

1897
01:08:14,864 --> 01:08:17,364
and it's hot in here, because it's Florida.

1898
01:08:18,704 --> 01:08:19,765
We had our one

1899
01:08:20,385 --> 01:08:20,885
break

1900
01:08:21,425 --> 01:08:23,585
one day break from the heat today. Mhmm.

1901
01:08:23,585 --> 01:08:26,095
It was 69 degrees this morning. How long

1902
01:08:26,095 --> 01:08:28,079
did the Nice. How long did that last?

1903
01:08:28,079 --> 01:08:30,000
About an hour, maybe. Wow. We got an

1904
01:08:30,000 --> 01:08:32,079
hour. Yeah. I figured that'd be, like, a

1905
01:08:32,079 --> 01:08:33,300
five minute event.

1906
01:08:36,079 --> 01:08:37,539
Yeah. We gotta get a tease

1907
01:08:38,000 --> 01:08:39,975
Yeah. At least at some point, but, like,

1908
01:08:40,454 --> 01:08:41,975
at the end of summer so that we,

1909
01:08:41,975 --> 01:08:43,655
like, are given hope that, no, no, he

1910
01:08:43,655 --> 01:08:45,655
will not always be this boy. It always

1911
01:08:45,655 --> 01:08:47,335
seems that at some point during the summer

1912
01:08:47,335 --> 01:08:48,534
here, we get one day where all of

1913
01:08:48,534 --> 01:08:51,255
a sudden, everything that the humidity goes away,

1914
01:08:51,255 --> 01:08:52,395
the temperature breaks,

1915
01:08:52,869 --> 01:08:54,409
You're like, I remember.

1916
01:08:54,789 --> 01:08:57,109
Yeah. I remember. I have hope again. I

1917
01:08:57,109 --> 01:08:58,890
know this will come back. Alright.

1918
01:08:59,909 --> 01:09:02,149
This exists in real life. I will I

1919
01:09:02,149 --> 01:09:04,069
will get a no humidity day. You won't

1920
01:09:04,069 --> 01:09:04,890
sweat forever.

1921
01:09:06,905 --> 01:09:09,085
But you know what? The opposite is true

1922
01:09:09,305 --> 01:09:09,805
when,

1923
01:09:11,704 --> 01:09:13,805
we'll get some warm days

1924
01:09:14,824 --> 01:09:17,225
while it's still technically spring, and you're like,

1925
01:09:17,225 --> 01:09:19,625
oh, god. Why why did you remind me

1926
01:09:19,625 --> 01:09:20,685
of what's coming?

1927
01:09:22,069 --> 01:09:22,389
So

1928
01:09:22,949 --> 01:09:23,449
Yep.

1929
01:09:23,909 --> 01:09:24,409
Anyhow.

1930
01:09:25,109 --> 01:09:25,609
Anyhow.

1931
01:09:26,550 --> 01:09:27,050
Alright.

1932
01:09:27,429 --> 01:09:28,469
Let's go get some,

1933
01:09:29,270 --> 01:09:32,149
frozen yogurt. Okay. And get you with your

1934
01:09:32,149 --> 01:09:34,010
heating pad and Yes. Other

1935
01:09:34,389 --> 01:09:34,889
sundry

1936
01:09:35,385 --> 01:09:36,604
Yeah. Things.

1937
01:09:37,305 --> 01:09:39,725
Yep. And then just toss me into bed.

1938
01:09:40,505 --> 01:09:41,725
Oh, I'm not

1939
01:09:42,265 --> 01:09:43,404
tossing you anywhere.

1940
01:09:43,784 --> 01:09:46,125
We just hurt both of ourselves that way.

1941
01:09:47,305 --> 01:09:48,824
And you gotta be better enough so you

1942
01:09:48,824 --> 01:09:50,250
can go to work tomorrow. I know. We

1943
01:09:50,250 --> 01:09:52,010
got paddles to make. Goddamn it. Yeah. Well,

1944
01:09:52,010 --> 01:09:54,090
luckily, it'll what I'll be doing in the

1945
01:09:54,090 --> 01:09:56,170
morning will be sitting at the scroll saw.

1946
01:09:56,170 --> 01:09:57,770
True. True. True. Been spending a lot of

1947
01:09:57,770 --> 01:10:00,489
time at the scroll scroll saw. Oh, wow.

1948
01:10:00,489 --> 01:10:03,050
Yeah. Anyway, we're never gonna go. We could

1949
01:10:03,050 --> 01:10:05,574
keep going, clearly. Alright. But that's not how

1950
01:10:05,574 --> 01:10:08,234
you get frozen yogurt. Nope. So Alright, folks.

1951
01:10:08,375 --> 01:10:10,774
Thanks for joining us. Thanks for being here

1952
01:10:10,774 --> 01:10:12,554
with us to the bitter end. Yep. Yep.

1953
01:10:12,934 --> 01:10:15,335
Thanks for adult letting us indulge in the

1954
01:10:15,335 --> 01:10:18,054
pure chaos. Sometimes sometimes it's just a pure

1955
01:10:18,054 --> 01:10:19,574
chaos episode. I don't know what to tell

1956
01:10:19,574 --> 01:10:20,074
you.

1957
01:10:21,149 --> 01:10:23,569
Okay. We're gonna go. Mhmm. Okay. Bye. Bye.