You're listening to the Loving BDSM podcast episode
four fifty one. Kayla Lords here with the
one, the only
I still can't find anything snarky to say
about you, John Brownstone. Mhmm. I just love
you too damn much. Goddamn it.
I just I keep looking at you and
I'm like, no. Nothing snarky.
Just love.
But what the fuck?
Well, I guess it's better than the opposite.
But, you know I mean, true. Yeah. I
mean, I'm real good at snark, like, at
the end of the day when we're trying
to go to sleep. Yeah. Mhmm. I mean,
if somebody wouldn't neglect
rubbing my butt, I probably would not be
so snarky.
You better be careful. Your butt will get
so much attention tonight.
So here's That you'll be, daddy, don't touch
me, daddy. Don't touch my butt. No. I
don't want butt rub. Daddy, don't touch it.
Here's the problem. The,
baby girl who doesn't wanna be, like,
at all, yeah, is terrified. The masochist, though?
The masochist.
She's like, okay. Bet.
I'm not that brave, though. I'm not gonna
I'm not gonna misbehave
to get it. I want you to give
it to me because you want to give
it to me.
That's how I roll. Okay. We're not talking
about any of that. This is That's not
why we're here. It's already unhinged, and we
haven't even gotten started. You don't take much.
I thought as a way to continue celebrating
our ten year anniversary with pod the podcast,
we would do one of the things that
seems to be one of the the favorite
things.
We're gonna react to BDSM,
post the BDSM side of Reddit, I should
say.
I I say this every time
because I feel like a disclaimer is necessary.
I cannot guarantee that I will rant. I
did read at least one that kinda pissed
me off.
I mean, like
like,
pissed me off. So I don't know. Got
stuck in your crawls, they'd say. A little
bit. A little bit. Yeah.
So no guarantees. No promises, but it's always
possible. Alright.
Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this
is your first time listening, glad to have
you. If you're back for another week, welcome
back. Loving BDSM is produced every Friday for
your kinky pleasure in education, and show notes
are found at lovingbdsm.net.
Come back often and feel free to add
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can also follow the show on FetLife at
loving BDSM PC
on Instagram and technically threads, so that handle
I will forever fucking hate. It's loving d
s and the number one, so at loving
d s one. I hate
it. Blue Sky
at lovingbdsm.
Blah blah blah,
or on YouTube,
at youtube.com/lovingbdsm
where you watch us live stream the podcast
every Wednesday. All links are in the show
notes. A big thanks as always to our
kinky patrons over on Patreon, including our newest
peeps. We,
have been able to be weirdos on the
Internet for ten plus years officially, officially ten
plus years,
in large part because of our kinky patrons,
and we are grateful for our refunding one
of you.
If you would like to join our kinky
community, get access to extra content, like the
behind the scenes of what we're working on
in our relationship this year,
or access to our Discord server that we
talk, like, too much about in every episode
these days,
you could do that. Just join us at
patreon.com/kaylalords.
That's patreon.com/kaylalords
or use the link in the show notes.
Okay. So before we get into these Reddit
posts, one
announcement. It is literally a reminder. Our giveaway
is still open. If you heard about it
last week and went, oh, yeah. I'm gonna
do that. And now you're like, oh, shit.
I forgot. The link is in the places.
Feel free. There's multiple ways to enter.
It's the giveaway is open until the August.
I think that's the thirty first, if I
remember from looking at a calendar.
Don't ever trust me when it comes to
dates. But it's the last day of the
month at 11:59PM
Eastern. That is when the giveaway closes.
We're giving away four prizes. The, top prize
is a $50
gift card to the Kinkery, $50 to use
at our,
our Etsy shop,
and our tenth podcast anniversary enamel pin. That
was, like, the big goodie during this year's
membership drive. Second place is $25
to Kinkery and Etsy and the pin. Third
place is $10 to Kinkery and Etsy and
the pen. And then there's fourth place, the
pen. I'm trying to get these pens out
of this building. Okay? Because it's only good
for the tenth anniversary.
So, yeah, that is going on.
Enter to win. Yay. And yes,
even if you are not in The U.
S, you can register, enter and potentially win.
You just have to be the legal age
in your country of origin. Okay.
Please, please, please don't be a fucking minor
listening to a BDSM podcast and then go
enter the fucking giveaway.
Please don't.
Okay. Thank you.
Okay. Here we go. We're gonna start. I
have several.
I'm starting with the one,
thank you to Silent Wing who sent it
to me.
All of these are coming from the BDSM
advice subreddit. I checked the She usually finds
some good ones. I checked the BDSM and
I the asshole subreddit run by our friend,
Rara of Pink King podcast.
That needs that needs more attention. If you
are wondering, am I the asshole in a
kink situation? Please go post it there. I
would like to be nosy and potentially talk
about your situation
on a future. Yes. There we go. Okay.
So oh, it's chaos.
It's chaos.
Okay.
Okay. So
simple. Mhmm. Okay. Short and sweet. Title is
I need advice. Okay.
In your opinion,
should a safe word be taken away if
you feel like it's used too much by
previous
subs?
And should harm limits be ignored because quote,
you've never done them so you can't have
them, end quote.
Edit to be clear from the poster. I'm
a sub. I'm fairly new to this lifestyle
a couple years and don't have anyone to
talk about this stuff with. So that's why
I came to Reddit. This is all being
said during the vetting process,
and I've never heard someone say this stuff
and didn't know if it was normal or
completely insane. I'm safe and he hasn't touched
me.
I'll go ahead and tell you it's completely
fucking insane. Yeah.
Okay. Yeah. Feel free.
You know. Wow.
Wow, indeed. Yeah. Have your safe word first
of all, have your safe word taken away.
Fuck you. You. Right?
Exactly. Safe word taken away because somebody else
used to do much. What's that got to
do with me? I know. Right? What what
yeah. What What? One's one's got nothing to
do with the other. In no way. That
sounds like a you issue. And maybe if
your subs are constantly safe
out, you need to look in a mirror.
Right. Because it's one thing to play to
an edge, but if they are all always
safe word. If they are always using that
safe word,
then, you know To the point that a
future sub can't use it. What the fuck?
Fuck that shit.
Yeah. You're right.
Took the words right out of your mouth
now.
Yep. So I think we're clear on that
one. Yes. We are. Okay. Would you like
to like, let's talk about the
you can't really have a hard limit if
you haven't done the thing. Bullshit.
I didn't even know how to say it.
There are things I have never tried. I
don't have to try. And I know that
I am never gonna try them. Right. I
don't want to. That's enough of a thing
a reason for something to be a hard
line. Who cares if you tried it and
hated it? Now it's a hard line. I
don't want
to is the answer. Right. Valid answer. Yeah.
The rest is bullshit. Mhmm. As as daddy
said, just do what daddy says and daddy
said it was bullshit.
Yeah. That that one makes me a little
hot under the collar. I'm glad this person
came to a space to go,
Yeah. It it this this isn't normal. I
mean, that's essentially what they were like. This
isn't normal.
Pretty I mean,
I'd be curious. I don't want to know
the person they're vetting. I have no interest.
But I would like to be a nosy
bitch and know more about said Yeah. Person
because
that's pretty bold to just put that out
there Yeah. With your whole chest.
Yeah. I I mean, come on. That's I
mean, I I'm glad because then you can
go, oh, you are walking red flag. I'll
I'm done. Yeah. It's And, you know, even
even the thing with the with the hard
limits, to me, that's manipulative. Oh, it's very
manipulative. Yeah. It's very it's invalidating
what you do and don't wanna do by
saying that there's a standard you have to
meet to decide what you don't wanna do.
Nope. That's not how any of that works.
Mhmm. Yes. On one hand, I'm like, wow.
I'm so glad this asshole was this asshole
during the vetting process.
But to be that bold
means that that's been said before and decisions
have been made before and they're not questioning
themselves as to whether they should keep with
these assertions.
I'm very sorry for anybody else who has
come across their fucking past. Right.
That one is kind of simple. Thank you,
Silent. I do
I'm sweating in all of the places now
from the blood pressure going up. So I
appreciate you. So what she's saying is that
she's pre ranting.
She's I think that does kind of count
as a rant. It's just a short and
sweet one. Yeah. I mean, once I say
no and motherfucker, we're kind of done. Right?
Like okay. So there's that one. Okay. The
next one. Okay. This is interesting because I
have I had clear thoughts, but I've never
heard this, like, as an idea before. Mhmm.
Title,
boyfriend
boyfriend? Yeah. Boyfriend kink involves me getting sunburned.
My boyfriend is really into hardcore pain during
our rougher sex moments. He loves slapping my
breasts, punching my stomach, and even has suggested
using a knife on me. Well, recently, I
came back from doing DoorDash and my car
doesn't have any AC, so I'm boiling out
there with the windows down. I got sunburned
pretty bad on my left shoulder and arm.
At first, he was concerned, but yesterday, he
made the comment of us going down to
our local lake without me wearing sunscreen for
a few hours and me getting absolutely cooked
out there was a turn on. I was
like, oh, yeah. Okay.
But this one I have now already hurts
pretty damn bad, like, it's on and off.
So what should I do here? I don't
know if I wanna be a new skin
color for a few days and in this
kind of pain. And it's female 28, male
25. That's So They're not Yeah.
I don't like it. That's what I'm gonna
tell you right straight up front. I I
don't either, you know,
because here's here's the thing.
Getting not wearing
sunscreen
and being out in the sun to deliberately
get a suntan,
knowing what we know about
doing that to your skin and the possibility
of cancer. I mean, assuming you're not on
the side of the internet that tries to
tell you that sunscreen doesn't work and it's
the toxic thing. But that's a whole different
other wrapper. Exactly. You know, so In general.
Yeah. Now, you know, I I know it's
gonna, you know, it's come down to the
point of, you know, somebody is gonna consent
consent to something. Grown people can do what
grown people wanna do to a certain extent,
unfortunately. Yeah. So, you know, but,
you know, no. I mean No. You know,
but not with the health risk. Right. Because
the risk is not even there's the immediate
risk because a sunburn can lead to sun
poisoning, could put you in the hospital. Right.
That's there's that risk. But then there's future
risk that you actually can't plan for. You
can't mitigate and you can't plan for it
because it could happen.
Mhmm. And when it does, it could be
literal decades
into the future, potentially. Or it it rears
its ugly head and you know, boom, you
got some
stuff going on. I can see
I can see assuming both parties are willing.
If the sunburn happened
unintentionally
Mhmm. And there's some misery there and you
wanna play with that, I that's that cool
because it happened and you weren't try hopefully
hopefully you'll go, oh, next time I should
put on more sunscreen. That would be, my
PSA for Sunscreen. Those of you out there.
But not to purposefully
go
out to
burn your skin in an uncontrolled way. Like
this is not we're pouring a wax that
we know the temperature of. This is not
like there's there's several reasons why I just
don't like it. Now Yeah. I don't know
if I'm being too sensitive. Okay. Possible because
what I know about impact is we keep
it mostly to the back. Mhmm. This line
from the
the poster
Mhmm. That okay. Slapping breasts, that's fine. Yeah.
Using a knife, that's limit Stomach punching. Yeah.
Punching my stomach. I'm Yeah. I do not
doubt that some kinkster out there can do
it and feel like they have mitigated the
risk, and it's as safe as that's ever
gonna be. But there's something about that makes
me feel very uncomfortable
because of the risks. Those are soft organs
in there. You know, as as as as
a kid who,
got into share of fights
and had been punched in the stomach,
for me, that's not something I would want
to do on a whim. No. No. You
know, or, you know, for for kicks and
giggles.
And then then you start thinking about the
thing, you know,
kink is risk. Kink is risk. There is
a risk with every single thing we do.
Punching somebody in the stomach, all soft organs
there, too much
Yeah. Potential for for serious harm. Mhmm. You
know, that's why, you know, and they say
when you hit, even when we learned to
do punching Mhmm. You know, years ago,
the person who who taught that was very,
very
strict
about where Oh, yeah. I've actually pulled out
an anatomy book and was like, do you
see this? This is where you punch. Don't
punch here. Don't do that. It was very
explicit Mhmm. On on where you can,
you know, do that. Mhmm. Any anywhere muscle.
You don't do, you know, where it's soft.
You don't do Don't do bones. You don't
do that. Yeah. So,
you know, no.
So I pointed out one because Kind of.
The punching of a stomach is makes me
queasy. Mhmm. But also, I feel like that's
the pattern. This person is not
there's no such thing as a 100% guaranteed
safety and kink. There. Said it.
They they not they not they sound risky
to me. Yeah. They sound like they are
willing to go to an and that's a
now that's a personal preference. I get that.
But punching a stomach
when that's soft tissue and organs and sunburn,
which is can can literally send you to
the hospital, but also future health
like, something about this person is not reading
as
risk aware,
safety minded.
Shit. I I just had the word, and
I lost it now.
You know, almost seems like they,
that's what they're doing. They're chasing, you know,
that
that risk, that excitement that Sure. You know?
Mhmm. Well, they're into the hardcore pain clearly
giving it. Yeah. You know?
This person does not
really say that they if they are
truly into it being on the receiving end.
Mhmm. I hope so. I hope so.
I'm it's I mean, no. Plea please please
don't purposely go get sunburned just to feel
the pain. Take advantage of if it happens,
oopsie.
Sure. And you're into it.
Mhmm. Yeah. Let's let's not purposefully
risk future cancer
just for a scene. I just Yeah. No.
No. And then somebody in the live chat
was talking about, and, yeah, is he gonna,
like, take care of of his partner and,
like, keep it the aloe and the this
and the that and the like, because it's
it's miserable Oh, yeah. To have a sunburn.
Mhmm. Okay. So
there we are on that one. Okay.
Next one.
Title.
He's 39.
I'm 19.
I understand
the secrecy
but it still
stings.
Go ahead and be mad before I read
it. It's fine. Okay. Here we go. Yeah.
I'm 19 and I'm in a relationship with
a man who's 39. He's my dom and
also my daddy. The age gap is huge
and I know that alone would be enough
for most people to freak out. Add in
the BDSM and how we met. There's no
way I could explain this to my parents.
I don't have a close relationship with them
and I don't plan to tell them about
us anytime soon. But still, when he said
he didn't want my parents to know, something
inside me flinched. I know he's being realistic.
I know it's complicated, but a part of
me wished he had said, if it ever
came down to it, I'd stand beside you
or I'm not ashamed of what we have.
Maybe I'm being too emotional. Maybe I just
wanted to feel like we could be a
real couple and not a secret to be
hidden. Has anyone else felt this? I'm not
angry, just quietly disappointed.
Honey, I want you to get real fucking
angry. Right. I want you to get so
goddamn angry
that you were seeing red. That is what
I want for you.
They're they're, you
know yeah. Something's not right there. Nothing about
this. Nothing about this. Yeah. No. No.
Nope.
Yeah. Here's here's the thing. I'd I'd like
to do a
little background search on this fella. Right. I
got questions.
Because I I I had the feeling he's
hiding some shit. Oh. Well, because here's the
thing. Here's the thing. We do not say
too much about age gap. There's an eighteen
year difference. I was in my fucking thirties
though, y'all, when it all went down.
And we've had this conversation before, I think,
in previous
episodes like this, where I have an opinion
about
especially,
I do not know their gender, but my
brain said female. That doesn't necessarily
mean anything. It could be anybody. It really
doesn't fucking matter. But I would say I
do not think a 19 year old being
with somebody 20, 15, 20, whatever years older
than is a good thing. But I also
have that sort of but you're adults and
once you hit that age, you get to
decide and just, you know,
try to assess the risk. Try to vet.
Try to right? In general, that's what the
fuck I think.
This situation, that was predatory
because you know
you sought out a 19 year old and
were they 18?
Mhmm. Did you meet them when they were
17? Yeah. And you've been biding your time?
But now you don't want anybody to know
that's because you don't want the questions and
the looks and the judgment Right. Because you
know you fucking deserve it. Yeah.
Yep.
And that's you know that's the line and
I think most people
rightly so
warn for this because more often than not
this is the situation.
It's somebody who is
is preying on somebody younger Right. And probably
more naive and certainly less experienced than all
the things. Like, I have so many questions.
Like, I wanna know how you met because
I have a feeling
therein lies everything we need to fucking know.
Mhmm. Because the thing about being into BDSM,
you don't have to tell your family. You
don't have to tell any fucking body that
you're in a kinky relationship. But you can
still talk about the fact that you're in
a relationship with the person I'm dating. This
is the person I care about.
Right. Yeah. The the secrecy, there's so many
reasons that that person could
could want this to be secret, but the
twenty year fucking age gap is a big
Big one. Big one. It's the obvious one.
Yeah. But I I don't wanna know because
I think it'll, like, make my heart hurt,
but I do wanna know how did you
fucking meet and what does your BDSM
relationship
look like?
Because
Mhmm. Just at first glance,
the whole thing is real fucking suspicious.
Yeah. But the secret thing, that's just a
red flag. In chat said, it's sketchy. It's
so sketchy.
Right. You are like you are proving the
rule of why everybody's like, all age gaps
are real fucking bad. Yeah. Yeah. Because Yeah.
Because this it's this shit. It's this
shit right here that people do.
Deep breath. Yeah. I know. If if my
20 year old came to me and said,
mom, let me introduce you to my 40
year old partner. I'm a be like, bitch,
you come with me to the next room.
We're gonna have a conversation.
And then I'm a look at my child
and go, you sit still. Mommy will be
with you in a moment because remember, you
still call me mommy.
I don't wanna know what you're calling her,
but I got questions now.
Yeah.
And I say all that to say that
a 19 year old is a legal adult
and they can make their decisions.
And I'm gonna, like,
support their right to make those decisions.
But that motherfucker sounds sketchy as shit. Sounds
predatory as shit. So, you know, I mean,
I I I do not see this in
in this at all, but, you know, I
I will say,
and I've told you this before. Mhmm. I've
had
folks in their twenties
reach out to me
as a person in my sixties. And they
get mad at you when you're like And
and they get mad when I'm like I
have a kid your age. Don't you know.
No.
No. Not my thing. Yeah. And and they
get pissed. You know?
Yeah. And, you know, that does that does
go both ways. But they are they are
actively seeking out Right. You know,
a huge age gap. Right. And see For
whatever reason. I would even go, okay. Maybe
the maybe the thing about how they met
is that the 19 year old sought out
this older person. Mhmm. Cool. Cool. Cool.
The fact that they don't want it to
be secret Yeah. Means that they did it
with whatever good intentions they may have. Exactly.
And this motherfucker's hiding because they know they
need they're hiding from something and or they
know they need to because Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. And you know,
I absolutely
understand being hurt by it, feeling disappointed.
Yeah. Because you you're happy with your relationship
and you want to know that when the
time comes, they'll be by your side proudly.
Yeah. But I really want this person to
get angry because that's that's that's where I
think they need to go next. I mean,
you know, we we we met
through
our mutual
sex and kink blogs.
Okay?
But, you know, when you asked,
you know, meet the family, I
was like, okay. Right. And they didn't scare
you off, and you're still here. So you
know I'm still here. You know? But that's
because
our relationship is a little bit more than
our power dynamic.
Mhmm.
Mhmm. Okay. So there's that one.
Next one.
They want an answer from a Dom. That's
what it says. Dom, please answer. But you
know, I'll have thoughts. So here we go.
I'm in a committed relationship with my Dom.
We are not in an open relationship or
polyamorous. We've been living together for three years.
Been collared for one year. My question is,
in this scenario, do you as a dom
let your relationship status be known?
Example.
One. When past partners are trying to get
in contact with you again, do you disclose
your relationship status?
Two, when you are repeatedly
contacted by the same person who repeatedly
asks for your time. My Dom says no.
It's none of their business. He's in a
relationship, so he does not tell anyone he
is in a relationship.
Do I get the do I just get
the quote he's keeping his options open type
feeling because I'm new to this lifestyle?
Is this normal etiquette? This is second or
third person I need y'all to start listening
to your intuition. Right. Right.
Right. Because you're getting the he's keeping his
options open
vibe for a fucking reason. Oh, yeah. But
go ahead, Dom. Please answer. Yeah. No. He's
he's he's playing the field. Oh, yeah. Okay?
You know, he's like
It's nobody's business if I'm in a relationship,
so I just won't say I'm in a
relationship? You know, bullshit. How has lightning not
struck your dumbass? Because Mhmm. Liar liar pants
on fucking fire.
Yeah.
You know.
You know what? In
in in a way you can say, yeah,
it really is nobody's business. You know, you
can just tell There's no details.
Yeah. I mean,
you just tell the other person look I'm
not interested go away. Or I'm with someone
and that's all you gotta fucking say. Exactly.
But the it's nobody's business so I don't
have to cop to being in a relationship.
That that is that is Kiss my fucking
ass.
All this freaking shadiness going on. All this
secrecy.
Yeah. Yeah.
Here's the thing. I can understand
people in a relationship mutually deciding we're gonna
keep this quiet for reasons. Sometimes for drama
reasons and you're trying to avoid said drama
and you know it's gonna put like, a
mutual decision like that,
me personally, I might not love it, but
I can see it. I can, you know,
I can understand why people might make that
decision. Mhmm. But at any point, when you
are in a relationship with someone and one
of you
will not refuse as asks you not to
claim them publicly in even the most mild
mannered way,
that's a red flag. Mhmm. What what are
they hiding from? Is it another family they
don't want you to know? Are they playing
the field and keeping their options open for
whatever comes along?
Are they just have they been cheating on
you the whole time and you are one
of many? Who knows?
But it's a sign of something. Yeah.
It is absolutely a sign of something. Like
like Ross said in chat, and I agree
a 100% as a dom,
wouldn't you want to show off your sub?
I know I would. My question, knowing what
I, you know, having experience I now now
have You did. Yeah. I know. If I
have a dom who doesn't want to admit
that they are, at minimum, just in a
relationship with me, that's the thing I'm gonna
ask is, are you ashamed of me? Are
you ashamed of this relationship?
Yeah. I'm a bitch, so I'm gonna go,
what the fuck are you hiding? And who
are you hiding now? But also, with somebody
like that, I never work out in that
fucking floor. Trust issues too damn deep. But,
yeah. I just this person knows. They just
don't they're not trusting themselves, and I have
a feeling they're in that. Well, I'm submissive.
They're the dom. So maybe there's this thing
that I just don't know when I'm supposed
to submissively allow this. And Mhmm. Their intuition
told them everything they need to know. Yeah.
Mm-mm.
Now Yeah.
There's it's something shady for some reason. Oh,
yeah. And then I have
the second example, somebody
repeatedly
contacts you and you're still not telling me
you're in a relationship, but you're not doing
anything to make it so that to make
it clear to them or to just block
them or whatever so that they cannot repeatedly
contact you?
What the fuck?
You know, I
I would
as the other person
in this, you know, the the
at that point, if this person is repeatedly
contacting, I'd I'd start to get a little
curious about what's being conversed. I'd be contacting
that person going Yeah. Something something we need
to talk about? Mhmm.
I just these shady motherfuckers. I know. Right?
Damn. Yeah.
This person just listen listen to your intuition.
It's It's screaming at you at this point.
You know what you're seeing. Mhmm. And it's
no different just because it's power exchange versus
non kink. It's really not. Take off the
blinders. You know, and I We come across
this a lot. Certainly, Reddit sees this a
lot Mhmm.
Of, oh, power exchange is so
so fundamentally different from every relationship style I've
ever known that
maybe
I am supposed to just be treated like
shit and that's what it's like. And I'm
just like, shit. No.
You're both supposed to be enjoying this. You're
supposed to both be getting something from this.
And you're both supposed to be able to
trust each other. So if you don't have
that,
this isn't just because of power exchange. This
is bullshit behavior.
It's red flags. Yep. It's irresponsibility.
It's Yep. Like,
completely unsafe and the worst. But, like, it's
all the things. It's all the things. And
none of them are
good. I am very hot and sweaty.
We're kinda flying through these.
And I picked several.
Okay.
Here we go.
Title, I accidentally hurt my Dom. Advice please.
Okay.
I journal slash write reports to my Dom
every day and have been doing that for
months. It had been unclear to me why
he assigned me this task. He just told
me he wants to monitor my status.
So I've been trying to guess what he
wants, writing what goes on, how I'm holding
up with my tasks, and all good things
I notice that he does for me, like
helping me prioritize and make sure I get
enough rest.
I asked him again a couple of weeks
ago when I felt unsure about what to
write, and he told me I should write
things I want him to know.
The other day, I wrote about how he
lashed out at me during the day and
then it made me sad and demotivated.
And he got really mad at me. Told
me that my reports should not contain any
complaints.
Issues are to be brought to him in
person.
I usually do that, but that particular day,
I had no chance to bring it up
because of having kids around all day.
Now he doesn't want my reports, and he
stopped following up on my tasks.
I feel bad and lost any advice. I
have apologized several times and explained that I
didn't realize this was inappropriate
for the report.
So I gotta go grind to my back
molar right now? Fucking
hell. You know, one kinda sounds he this
person was making it up as he goes,
you know,
And when his ego was getting stroked, he
was like, yeah. I like this. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
So, you know, and, yeah. Then then when
things
you know what?
You you you need to take you you
need to be able to take the criticism.
Yeah. Absolutely.
You know, because
I know I'm not right a 100% of
the time. Right.
And also, you recognize because you're mature and
people who are mature will event if you
don't know it now, you'll know it eventually.
Sometimes it's easier to write the thing down
than it is to say the thing. Yeah.
And that way, if feelings have been expressed,
everybody's on the same page and then you
can deal with it or we can be
a big crybaby and get our feelings hurt
because
Well, you know, yeah. And that that's the
thing and and what what really what popped
out of me was the fact that he,
how did you put it, really
in caps mad at at this person. Mhmm.
You know what?
Sorry that,
Kind of sounds like somebody else. No. You
know, a little bit of classic narcissism going
on there, okay? Something.
Yeah. Something.
You know. But,
Yeah. To to get angry about that. That
that, you know,
you you can get upset. Sure. You cannot
like something. That's valid.
But you know what? That that just give
that that should be an opportunity to sit
down and have a talk. Right. And, you
know,
outside looking in, the maturity level, the responsibility
level, the safety level of that Dom is
completely in question.
If they get all caps really mad at
being told that their sub was a little
was a little upset by something.
Like, what the fuck?
So
I had forgotten what this was until I
started reading it. And for me,
the
flashing red sign of there are problems here,
which was at the very beginning of it
had been
it's
it's not a universal experience, whatever JB says.
Mhmm. But from outside observation,
I've never really talked to
a Dom who
assigned a task or said, you know, this
is what I want you to do as
my that did not have, at least on
a basic level, some reasoning behind it. Yeah.
Even if it's I get off on it
and this is fun for me. Mhmm. Like,
is that
Yeah. Is that pretty much it?
Yeah.
I I mean, because even, you know, in
our in the beginning, we had,
you know, we got to know each other
because we had respective blogs that we were
writing and following. Mhmm. Okay.
But at the same time,
I asked you to journal some things in
in Google Docs that I could see
To get to know you, to get to
understand you, to get to know who you
are, the things you like, and what, you
know. Mhmm. So, yeah, there was a purpose
behind it. But any task you've ever given
me, there's a purpose behind it. Yeah. I
mean, I It's not just oh, I think,
let's see. Oh, go dig a ditch today
just because I want you to dig a
ditch. I read a BuzzFeed article that said
this is what subs do. So here's your
task.
I mean, quite frankly, if you did and
that's the reasoning you gave yourself, at least
that's fucking honest.
But either, yeah, this person heard that's what
some subs do and went, okay. You'll do
it. Mhmm. Or who knows what? But
best practices, air quote that, empower exchange,
doms. If you were assigning a task to
your sub,
and it makes sense to do because I
I know that sometimes there's those power dynamics
of the you're assigning it because they're gonna
do what they're told. That's the fucking reason
because I want you to. But
when we're talking about like this, like, you
should be able to
explain
some level of why you want it done
or how you certainly how you want it
done. Another example
for for us,
you know,
I had a little bit more experience in
the lifestyle than you did at that time.
And I gave You had ten plus years
on me at that point. And I I
gave you
assignments,
so to speak, to research different
kinks, different Right. You know, things. But I
knew why you were giving me Right. Those
assignments. You we talked about it. It was
part of the communication process. Mhmm. And this
person could have said, hey,
anything
that's like negative or where you're upset or
it's an issue we need to work out,
I want you to bring that to me
separately.
You know, that's gonna be a separate conversation.
That should not have stopped this person from
being able to write it in their fucking
journal. Is it a journal or is it
not? Yeah. But I could see setting the,
hey, we're not gonna we're not gonna sort
out
issues
just in this writing way.
Write it down if you need to, but
we're going to have this conversation
together. Let's let's work it out that way.
Yeah. But that doesn't seem to have even
been
said until it happened and he got his
little feelings hurt. Right.
And also,
she this I shouldn't say she. This person
asked, what do you want from this? Mhmm.
And their response was,
I should write things I want him to
know. Well, guess what? Yeah. That's a lot
of fucking shit. Mhmm.
Sorry you didn't like We didn't. What they
needed you to know. Apparently didn't say only
the good shit.
Fragile ego. Yeah. Can't fucking handle it. Yeah.
Yeah.
I I could Yeah. They they they did
not hurt their dom. No. They did not.
And quite frankly, the dom needs to be
asking for
apologizing
to their sub for the overreaction
Right. And for the not handling it well.
Right. And the here's how we move through
this so it can be better. Because there
there's a there's a lot of,
trust
and, you know And here's the thing. The
effect that that went down the drain with
that. And the thing with journaling, I think
it's, you know, if it works for the
people involved, do it. Great.
But I think
whoever's gonna be reading that entry and it's
usually the dom. Right? It's usually subs who
journal, doms who read it. You gotta be
fucking prepared for whatever their raw feelings are.
Whatever their
not always rainbows and unicorns. No.
I mean, we've had early days of our
relationship. It wasn't journaling. It was like emails
but I write them in that way
of the hard stuff that I wasn't able
to verbalize. Mhmm. It got put down in
writing, and he had to read it. You
you still do that. Yeah. I don't do
it for interpersonal stuff between you and I.
I've gotten much better at going, you just
pissed me off and let me tell you
why.
You have. I'm very good at that. I'm
proud of you for that. I know.
But, yeah. I no. The they did not
hurt their dom. Their dom is No. Pulling
a guilt trip on them because they didn't
like whatever it was and it gave them
feelings and they didn't wanna deal with those
feelings.
But the mistakes were made at the very
beginning. It should have been very, very clear.
This is what this is
for. I still don't think it's good practice
to say you can't put anything negative in
this because that's I think that we're stroking
the egos at that fucking point. But I
think you can have the write what you
need to write, but we will talk about
these things and we will work through
the problem stuff,
you know,
not in this venue, but, you know, mention
it if you need to or whatever. I
can also see
I might not agree, but I can see
a world in which
how something is written,
not what is the topic is, but like
how the sub expresses themselves
could be
a problem for Adam. It could be set
in a way that maybe is feels disrespectful
or whatever whatever. I could see that world
but I go back to journals are very
personal. You are asking for somebody to like
put their
feelings and thoughts into words
where they're just writing and yeah, you're gonna
get to see it but it's because you're
getting a peek into their inner world. Right.
And you're not always gonna like how they
say something or what they do. No. And
in in my opinion,
most journaling things,
there should be no discipline around what is
written and how it's written. Unless we're talking
about the person just spent the whole time
going, you're a motherfucking asshole and I hate
you, 20 lines of it and that's it.
I mean, that's a deeper conversation.
But if they're just,
you know, saying they're mad at you or
they didn't like this thing or they felt
uncomfortable or whatever, no. I don't there's there
should be
no
general. Yeah.
Just
Dom's, you gotta emotionally
regulate yourself, and that's a hard thing to
do.
But yeah. It could be for some people.
Yes.
Look. We all have to fucking gentle parent
ourselves,
apparently.
It is if you've never done it, it's
very difficult.
Okay. We have one more, and it is
long as fucking shit. Okay? I hope Saved
the best for last. I hope these old
ass eyes can keep up with it. Oh,
dear. Oh, dear. Oh, dear.
Well and and it's heartbreaking,
but it's long. Okay.
Title.
Why can't I leave my dom even though
I feel starved and hurt?
Hi, everyone. I've been in a DS relationship
for a few months now. I'm a new
sub, and he's my dom. When I met
my dom, I thought I finally found what
I was missing.
We spent some days together in person and
it was amazing. I felt safe, loved, cared
for. On the couch, just hugging and talking,
or during our most intense BDSM moments, I
could finally let go.
Subspace with him felt like home, like I
didn't have to worry about anything. I trusted
him more than I ever trusted anyone.
But since I left, things have been completely
different. We're long distance and it feels like
everything is on pause, and they actually are.
No tasks, no sessions, no nothing except late
night calls for an hour or two. Life
got busy for both of us, but I
kept being here waiting for him to enable
our dynamic again.
For over a month now, we haven't really
had a good moment. We said we'll revisit
our expectations, limits, and boundaries soon. But in
the meantime, it feels like I'm stuck waiting,
starving, and wondering what's even left between us.
He says verbal affection isn't his way, so
in texts, I get almost nothing. He checks
in once or twice a day, but never
really asks if I'm free or tells me
when he'll be around. I'm the one who
has to ask, and I feel he doesn't
appreciate my time. We don't know when or
if we'll see each other again, and I
can't survive on only the memory of those
two days to have what I need.
When I ask for affection, he says I
come across needy or bratty and I that
I push him when I ask for it
and that I can't take no for an
answer and that it is really bad behavior
that I ask him for affection. But I
don't push him. I ask for a good
word or something sweet in a gentle way
because this was in our agreement.
But for more than a month now, he
doesn't want to give it to me and
he gets mad when I ask for affection.
I've opened up about my struggles, like health
issues or everyday life, and he throws them
back at me in arguments
Since then I stopped sharing because I'm scared
it will be used against me again. We
had a huge fight three weeks ago and
since then I don't feel safe to share
my feelings or what is happening in my
life because I know he will say that
I'm not okay and that he is gonna
use my struggles against me.
He also says I safe word out of
things we agreed on and never bring them
up again, leaving him to feel like he's
giving without receiving.
I can admit I've failed on follow through,
but it feels like my mistakes erase all
the effort I do put in. At the
same time, whenever I'm upset or sad, he
says he can't do things with me then
even when he knew from day one that
my way of coping when I'm not okay
is through sexual stuff which leaves me wondering
when can he? Because I'm not perfect and
he's not either.
I don't know what I'm getting from him
anymore. Maybe just company at night. But even
then, I feel like my time and emotions
aren't valued. I just wanna feel loved and
shown that I matter, not to be left
to guess just because he still talks to
me. And yet, I can't leave. I keep
clinging to the memory of those days together,
the safety, the trust, the way subspace felt.
I keep hoping it will come back even
though the last month has been nothing but
pause, fights, miscommunication, and distance.
I know the obvious answer is quote leave,
but I can't. So I'm not asking whether
I should. I'm asking
why. Why do I feel so tied to
someone who doesn't give me what I need
anymore? Why does the memory of safety and
love keep me stuck here even when reality
is starving me?
I want to understand myself better because logically
I see the problems.
Emotionally I'm trapped.
Yeah.
You know, I I think there's
the the problem
is more that she
or they,
you know, experience what they experienced,
and
they are kind of stuck in that spot
that they're like, I want this, and this
is the person that gave it to me.
And this was the moment that felt like,
everything clicked, and this was air quote perfection.
Mhmm. And so Yeah. You know,
talk about stuck in the moment. Mhmm.
Mhmm. You know,
my best thing I would say for some
somebody like that I mean, I know,
you know, we we all
want
some kind of affection, you know, we
closeness as as people, that's what we as
humans, it's what we desire.
You know, they're they're
that that person needs to get in therapy.
I think that person needs to speak with
somebody. Probably. I mean, there's I'm sure there's
some thumb something to that. Yeah. You know?
And and be because, you know, to
and and I don't you know,
to a certain extent I kind of understand
that.
Because the relationship
with my family. Mhmm. You know, it in
it's almost in a sense the same thing.
Right. You know how good it can be.
So you're You you know it's supposed to
be good.
Right. You know, so you you kinda hang
out, you know, okay. When's the good part
coming back? When's the good part coming back?
Right.
And it never gets there.
Mhmm. And I think that's a very common
experience for people. I think Mhmm. Probably most
people have had some level of that. Yeah.
The thing that came to my mind was
something
I discovered about myself from my first marriage
and that I hear,
I've heard plenty of people talk about, like,
in relationship
the relationship algorithm
of the Internet.
And that is,
loving their potential more than the reality.
So this person had the best experience, air
quote this. I mean, that's subjective. On the
outside looking in, we might have gone, actually.
But in their mind, that was the best.
That was exactly what they wanted. Everything clicked
for them. Right?
So they know how good it can be.
They know what that person is capable of.
So they know they have the potential
the potential for it in the future, and
that's what they are banking on is their
potential.
What they're doing is then not
they see it logically because they can describe
it here for us. Yeah. But they are
not, I don't think, internalizing
the reality because the potential is so good.
The potential is filled with hope. That's the
future. That's what
could be. Right. And if somebody who stayed
married for way too many years because I
was I was aware of their potential,
it's it just leads to misery long term
because
while there are valid reasons why somebody may
not be able to do what they once
did,
it's not
that's not the measure of whether this is
gonna be a good relationship. It's how they
handle it. Right?
If there's a valid reason they can't be
who this person needs, that's a conversation.
That's a let's bare our souls kind of
a let me get real fucking real with
you about what's going on with me. Here's
like, how do we work around this? How
do we fix this? How do we whatever
whatever.
This person,
you know, made promises and then doesn't keep
them and then
gets mad at them for having, I don't
know, human needs and feelings and emotions, which
what is it with these fucking doms
who can't handle that their subs are, you
know, people? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know. But
I you know,
please don't choke.
Please don't choke. Try not to. It's not
my intention. I know that's not your kink.
Yeah. No.
Yeah. I think I think they're they're clinging
to something, whether it's the memory, it's the
hope for the future.
And
sometimes
the hope for the future is way more
interesting, way more
comforting
than the reality. And you just kinda keep
going, but it could get better. It could
get better.
But obviously it does not.
Now
there's, I'm sure many more reasons why. I
mean, as a person who's a nosy bitch,
I'm like, okay, what are your past relationships
like?
Any past traumas you're willing to share? Like,
what where what is going on or is
going on in your life
where
you would rather cling to
both the past, this amazing memory and experience
that you had, and then the hope for
the future
and let yourself,
you know, to know to know logically
and still be unable to walk away. Like,
there I think you're right. I think there's
probably, you know, a therapist might be able
to help just to talk through some shit.
Right? Just to, you know, hopefully, learn your
inherent value as a human and that you
deserve better. Mhmm. And this person ain't fucking
shit. Ain't looking out for that. No. They
have their
fun in the moment in person
and then
didn't want, didn't expect, didn't plan for the
responsibility and the the difficulty of a long
distance relationship. Mhmm. And instead of just being
fucking honest and going, hey, what we had
there was great, but I can't do this.
This doesn't work for me or I find
it too difficult or whatever. Like, whatever their
fucking reasons are. They can't just fucking
say it and then work through the pain
of
them just walking away. Like,
I just
it's very sad because I know plenty of
people, you know, I've seen them online. They
can articulate everything that's wrong and but they're
like,
but I don't wanna go back. The other
thing that came to mind is was this
person in sub frenzy when they have this
beautiful perfect amazing moment?
Mhmm. And man, that's some neurochemical
blah de blah shit that'll fuck with you.
Looking at it through those rose colored glasses?
Absolutely. Absolutely.
And then I wonder how much because for
as in-depth as this is, there's gonna be
layers that haven't been shared of how much
air quote forgiveness
is this sub giving their dom? Like, explaining
shit away. Oh, well, they had a long
day. Oh, they're very tired. It's this whole
focusing on caring about and putting their needs
above your own, which is not uncommon in
any relationship style.
And it's okay to do when it's reciprocated.
Right. You know, when you know that other
person's gonna do it for you.
But
there's also the why.
I can't I have to keep reminding myself
this is literally only been a few months.
This is very, very fucking new. So you
got new relationship energy, you probably have some
sub frenzy.
There's also this belief that a lot of
submissives get that they have that one amazing
experience with this
musty dusty fucking dom who don't fucking deserve
it and they convince themselves
they won't ever get something like that again
with anybody else. There's no other doms out
there, or it won't be that good, or
they won't meet somebody. You met this motherfucker,
you will meet somebody. Yes. If this one
came crawling out of the cracks,
I promise you there's somebody else out there.
So, you know, I think there could be
a lot of reasons
why they're struggling. I, you know Excuse me.
I do like the fact that they can
they can
clearly state what is wrong.
That's a good sign. I know I myself
lived in denial for a very long fucking
time.
And I've known people who
to this day are still in a bit
of denial,
about their own stuff.
It's more, you know,
what hurts worse
being treated like this
and maybe getting a phone call every so
often or being left the fuck alone so
you can live your best fucking life, life.
You know? As
a a sub with, you know, either no
partner or a long distance partner, you can
go your ass to munches if they're available.
You can go to workshops. You can go
to conventions.
You can join online groups. You can go
out there and live your best submissive
self without a fucking dom. I know it's
not ideal for for most of us. We
would like to have a partner. I fucking
get that. But this one's making you feel
miserable.
Right.
You deserve better than that. Everybody deserves better
than to be with somebody who treats them
as an afterthought, can't be bothered to communicate
with them,
you know,
strings them along, leads them on.
The Dom needs to just fucking come clean
and go, this This clearly isn't
working. Mhmm. I can't be what you need.
That was how I got broken up with
before I met JB.
We had an amazing in person moment.
Went our separate ways. We're separated by just
a few hours. We're like, yeah, about eight
hour drive, kinda like you and I work.
Were.
And for a while, it was fine and
then it wasn't. And I was clinging on
to hope. I can do this. I can
make this work. And he was like,
I don't want to do it that way.
I can't give you what you need.
I this is done. And, oh,
that was awful. It was it was
one of the worst feelings I've ever felt
in my fucking life.
But
for all that, you know, he might not
have been everything that he portrayed himself to
be as people tried to tell me afterwards
but those people were not trustworthy so I
don't know.
There's a whole mess. I don't like drama
in my life and somehow I stepped into
it with this breakup.
But looking back that was the responsible thing
to do.
He couldn't do what he said he would
do. He couldn't be what he said he
would be. And he couldn't give me the
level of focus and attention
that, you know, we both agreed that's what
this power exchange deserved and so we just
fucking cut ties. So that's what this fucker
needs to do.
Stop stringing the sub along. Yeah.
The breakup will suck.
You'll heal. I promise you you will.
But if you can't force yourself away, I
really want you to force yourself away. You
can do this. You're better off without this
mofo. That's what they should do. They can't,
you know, just fucking own it. I can't
be what I thought we could be.
Done.
Yeah. Done. Mhmm.
That one doesn't make me angry. It just
makes me sad. Yeah.
But I have hope for this person because
they could clearly articulate all this. They Right.
I think they'll get there. I think Mhmm.
Maybe they need some more support. Maybe they
need to hear some more voices, something something,
but I think they can get there. Have
faith in them.
Excuse me.
Lord.
That was it. Okay. That's all we had.
I am hot and sweaty as usual. If
my blood pressure does not go up in
one of these episodes, have we really done
it right? Mhmm. No. No. The rosy cheeks
too a little bit that, you know. And
and, thank you perimenopause.
Thank you changing body. Thank you,
less elasticity
in my skin. I now get
sweat that sits right on the top of
my cheeks, right under my eyes,
just below where the bags live.
And,
it lets me know how hot I am
as if I couldn't tell. Also, it's a
sensory nightmare.
But
I
know that I got toasty water
because that little
ledge on my face
is hot and sweaty.
Goodness.
Anyway.
Mhmm.
So So What's that? With all that being
said We do a bonus section?
Sure. Of course.
Sound good?
That's not for me to
say.
Keep it kinky, y'all. And we'll see you
next week.
Daddy. Yes, baby girl. Can we talk to
the crickets and maybe I won't yell and
get kind of blood pressure up and get
all sweaty
and red cheeked more red cheeked than I
naturally am.
Go right ahead, baby girl. Which I do
suspect is probably rosacea. But insurance doesn't cover
those kind of dermatology
appointments, so I'll just keep suspecting it.
So, yeah. We,
we're here. Mhmm. We survived
moving the 20 year old into his new
apartment. Yep. I do feel like I physically
survived something because
when we moved him out of the he's
he's not on a, First Floor apartment. He's
on a Second Floor apartment, both places. When
we moved him out, I was taking those
steps up and down and up and down,
and there felt like a million of them.
Mhmm. And I was tired,
but I was fine.
This
time, oh my god. Every
time I went up,
I had to, like, pause, take a beat,
tell myself your heart will not always beat
this hard.
And
every time, I do not know what the
difference was because I was fine that first
time. I was carrying boxes both times. That
it was well over a 100 degrees. I'm
sure that had something to do with it.
You know? Yeah.
But, yeah. It it was it was a
lot rougher
getting him there than it was getting him
here. Yeah. It was. Oh my god. Yeah.
It was.
I'm also I don't really need it anymore
because I don't have to worry about periods
or anything. But I am just now at
the big age of 45 learning about the
luteal phase and the this phase and the
that phase and how, like, where your hormones
are
at any given point within a cycle, which
I've been perimenopause, my cycle is
just a squiggly line, can determine how much,
energy you have, how much this you have,
how much that you have.
The muscle mommy side of Instagram taught me
some of that.
And so I do sometimes wonder. It's
like, oh, oh, am I, like, out of
whack more than normal? And so it's
whichever direction it goes that can, you know,
make you tire more easily or have less
strength or stamina. I don't know. I don't
know. I'm still learning about it. Even though
I don't need to care because we we're
not tracking shit around here. That part of
the plumbing is gone.
So,
but it was embarrassing
because look. I know
who I am and what I look like.
And
I wanted to wear a sign that said,
normally I do not huff and puff on
the fucking stairs.
I didn't and I didn't tell strangers that.
I just owned my huffing and puffing.
I just
some very attractive college student who clearly is
still a baby, but, like, an older baby
and was I was like,
if you weren't my child's neighbor, I'd I
think you were very attractive, but that just
feels uncomfortable.
Walked past me and did that polite, oh,
there's an old lady
dying on the stairs smile
of, hey. How you doing?
You're right. I just wanted to walk around
on the side. I was like, you guys
usually have the cup upstairs. Thank you, Andre.
Andre. So for podcast listeners, it was a
super chat in in YouTube live chat. So
but yeah. It you know,
it
we we talked about it, and it was
one of those things. We were we were
glad to have him home. It was, It
was wonderful. It was nice. Forgotten about him
being here. It was nice to have him
here,
and and what made it nice too is
because it had been a hot minute since
he'd really been here.
You know and when we go up to
see him it's kind of a whirlwind because
you know we take him get groceries take
him shopping take him get something to eat
you know and then we we go back
but kick him out the car and go
yeah but
you know to to see
how he has grown and matured
in the time and the conversations that can
be had with him now Oh, yeah. Now,
it's it's it's amazing. It it's a marvelous
and wonderful thing to see. Mhmm.
But it was very nice for him to
go back to his his own place
because yeah.
Monday morning, being back to my typical routine,
I felt like a new woman. I was
like, I can do anything
because my routine is mine. I'm not sharing
a car. I'm not Mm-mm. Even though he
is technically
a baby adult, but an adult has been
getting his ass out of bed by his
damn self for two years.
And I know that. And I the first
day he was home and he had class
that day, and so he would need to
get up by a certain time, leave. I
was tempted to go check and I stopped
myself. I was like, self? He's been doing
this by himself all this time. You don't
need to do it. But what I realized
is having
him home and knowing that he had a
schedule or trying to figure out where he
was going to be in time and space
in a given day, it was a lot
more mental energy
than I remembered ever using before. I was
like just
constantly aware
of partly it's because I'm the anxious mother
who's waiting for, you know, mom I got
a ticket. Mom I'm in an accident. You
know, something awful.
So I'm just
I know I was on edge about that,
but not knowing that yeah. I think about
him. Like, I wonder how he's doing and
he's doing band camp right now and how's
that going? And I know he's met somebody
and he's like head over heels right now.
I'm like, how I have these thoughts,
but it's different when he's not actually here
versus when he was here. And, yeah, this
past Monday, I was like, I can do
anything.
I got all the time in the world.
Yep. Yep. That was my last day of
being productive this this week so far. So
that's been fun.
That's been fun. Yeah. It it's been, you
know, it it's been a crazy week.
I have been up to my
neck
in wood.
Not even in that fun way. I mean,
he could No. He could be if he
wanted to be.
No. I I have been,
on a mission.
I am going through and I am
cleaning the garage.
And the garage is where all the
wood gets
kept Especially the scrap wood. Prior to milling.
And,
I am just digging through every crack crevice
and corner
and pulling everything out and, like, okay.
What can I do with this? What's this
gonna be? And just My favorite was it
the bloodwood or was it the purple heart
you came from? I found a whole thing
of this Bloodwood.
Of this very expensive exotic wood. I didn't
even know I had. I was like Four
foot piece of four foot piece of redwood.
Which on Or bloodwood. Bloodwood. On today's market,
that might be worth some gold or something.
I don't know. I know. I know.
We,
we're planning
for JB to go to the sawmill.
And we don't know how prices have changed
Yeah. With how things have gone. So we're
only actually planning
on getting our basic woods, not our fun
woods. Yeah.
Like, we hope we're budgeting correctly, but we
we don't have that. We don't have that.
Now thankfully the guy picker shock when I
do it. Yeah. You might thankfully, the sawmill
guy adores JB.
Yeah. And so, like I don't know why,
but yeah. You got that personality and you
got that face. People wanna just tell you
about their life and you
are polite and don't tell them to fuck
off and you just let them. And people
like that.
It's like for some parts of the population,
I'm not fucking one of them, but people
like to feel seen and heard and you
like make that,
you know, easy for people.
And you're not a judgmental ass. Now you
might be judging them in your head and
then you're gonna come home to me and
go, let me fucking tell you what this
motherfucker said. And I'm here for it. Okay.
I'm here for it.
But yeah. You're such you're like, yeah. People
know that you're
a good human.
It does help that you, you know, are
a good human and so therefore you act
like a good human.
But yeah. I did mildly lose my shit
with one of the neighbors yesterday.
But you know what? And this was a
moment where I was like, j JB, use
your privilege on the way that you should
because that old dude was only gonna listen
to somebody who looked like you.
And he, you know, you probably didn't change
his mind, but he backed the fuck down.
Yeah. Yeah. He didn't get combative. With me,
I'd have gotten a well little Missy blah
blah
blah.
But I don't do that kind of shit
anyway. But still Yeah. Like I know. At
least it did it wasn't confrontational.
No. No. It wasn't. You said your piece.
Yeah. He went well
like they do. Mhmm. And then he left
you the fuck alone. I bet we won't
see him come across the street for a
while.
Yeah.
But, yeah. That is pretty much what I've
been doing. Like I say, I'll I'll take
some pictures of the wood stacks.
Our our office and recording space is never
fully, like, really neat and organized. It's all
there's always a a bit of chaos somewhere.
It's every flat surface.
I mean, on my desk, I have a
paddle blank that needs me to template it
so I could pass it off to you
to cut so I could pour resin.
It's just been sitting there next to other
stacks I have.
Like, you can't see our printer because there
are stacks of wood on it. The credenza
behind the camera behind the light, the studio
light Mhmm.
Some of that's not even stacked up in
a straight line. My heart hurts
to And then there's the stuff on the
shipping set station. I know. My shipping station
is supposed to be that is where we
ship shit. That is where my supplies live
in nice little, like, rows. Not Yeah. Not
right now. Not right now at all. Nope.
No. Well, prior to this, it was all
on this table. It was. A lot of
it was on this table. Like about an
hour before it was time to sit down
in front of a microphone. So I had
to move all that.
Andre asked about Lola, how Lola is. Lola
is doing well. She's napping right now. She's
napping. She's napping right now. It seems to
be we have found the correct mix of
of pain meds
for her,
and she is doing well. She is moving
around. She has been more herself
Mhmm. Lately.
She's been up in my lap again. Yeah.
Oh, yeah. She cuddled with me after she
dug her elbow into me first. But she's
she's had zoomies
a few times at night, and I mean
hard zoomies where she was body slamming me.
She's a big old girl. Any zoomie she's
gets don't be a little
True. You know? Same girl. Same. It's it's
a hell of a thing when you see
a 70 some pound dog charging at you
and you know you just gotta stand your
ground. Thankfully, you know she likes you and
this is good charging.
Right? Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you know,
and running at you and the tail's wagging
in the face, you know, pity grin and
But the jowls are still flopping.
She's a lot of things, but Graceful ain't
one of them. No.
No. No. No. Same girl. Same.
But, no, she's she's doing much she's doing
much better right now. So we're we're very
happy for that and, you know, it's nice
to see.
Mhmm. No.
Because even even, you know, the well, when
we were that well, I think it was
the eye doctor, the ophthalmologist when we were
there for the follow-up. Week. Yeah. You know,
he was like, she is so expressive.
Mhmm. Yeah. She is. But that means that
she is also expressive
when she thinks you're a damn fool. Right.
Like, when she just paces to the door
at the vet's office, like, here's the door.
I'm showing you the door. Let us go
through the door. And then she texted you,
like, do you not see me standing here
at the door?
She is expressive in all in all of
her emotions
Mhmm.
And thoughts and opinions. And,
you know, just for a a nerdy little
funny, this week, I I made a a
a big,
milestone.
Killed my first Terraria boss.
And we're so happy for him here in
our household.
There were celebrations
lasted into the wee hours
after he explained to me what the fuck
that meant.
But the youngest
was very was genuinely impressed. Yeah. I didn't
I couldn't tell if it was the
impressed of somebody who used to play that
game and know
understood what that meant or Mhmm. Or if
it was the condescension of a teenager
going,
aw, look at you. Right. Old person,
You did it. Yeah. Still not sure. Still
not sure. Mhmm.
Yes. It was the eye. The eye of
Cthulhu.
And now the now folks in the live
chat, no if you are if you are
listening to this and you're like, what the
fuck are they talking about? Welcome. You're on
my side of things.
I just smile and nod. No. It was
it was the I. It was definitely the
I.
And, Now there's a debate in the lives.
Yeah. No. It it was definitely the I.
You're like, I remember that shit. And and
I know that because
kicked my ass twice before I kicked its
ass.
That's what JB does in his spare time.
In my spare time, I read
moderately decent Yeah. Time,
to escape reality.
I I just cracked a hundred hours x
in the game.
And we are so happy for you. There
you go.
Everybody, you know Right? As they should be.
Yes. Serfs have goals in life and, you
know Mhmm. Have fun Right. Relax.
Mhmm. Mhmm.
I wanna I I want it noted though.
Am I being sarcastic and snarky? Of course.
I have I don't give a fuck how
much time JB spends playing his computer games
because he does participate actively in his life.
And so it's not it's not one of
those situations, like, from my first marriage.
But I I just wanna say,
I am verbally
way more enthusiastic
for JB's wins
than he has been lately when I've tried
to explain
the smutty smut.
I
at least try to hide that my eyes
are glazing over.
I I I never I've I have never
been able to to master that look. Okay?
Nope. You know, I
I I freely admit it. You know. You
know. My favorite is because so
I recognize usually after I spend five minutes
giving the backstory just to talk about the
one funny thing that just happened, that I
probably could just say the funny thing and
it'd be funny enough on its own that
he'd get the context.
But I don't live like that. So if
I gotta tell you about this moment in
this book that had me literally cackling
in laughter, it was so funny.
Whether well written or just perfect for the
book or whatever, whatever. I'm sorry. You're gonna
have to listen to who these people are
in this universe and how this all comes
together.
But I only tell him those those stories
because I don't do it with every fucking
book. Some books, I'm just like, why did
I start this?
Fuck it. I'll try to finish it. Something
will be good about this. That was the
last two books I read. I'm very disappointed.
But I tell him those things because I'm
like, well maybe he will want to read
it too because this is how good it
is. And mostly,
he's like, how many partners does this bitch
in the story have? Right.
Can can you actually fuck that many people
at one time? There's not enough holes. That
was the one with the Cupid. Right? Oh,
that one was really good. I do have
that's really good. I've done it with a
few and you're just like, I do sometimes
think I can see you trying to do
the mental calculus of how are all these
people fitting together. Right. My favorite, was it
the Cupid
book? It was one of those series that
I've finished recently.
They basically just ran a train. It was
like three men who all were fucking each
other too and
their female main character, and
they would just
kinda back up into one another if you
know what I mean. It was it was
great.
I am a little tired of magic,
buttholes that just
spread and stretch with minimal lubrication.
No experience in those are magic booty holes.
Okay?
I don't possess one of them. Most people
don't. But
so sometimes I get very annoyed by the
magic asshole that just stretches. Like just Okay.
Can fill it with, like, whatever. It doesn't
matter. And sometimes I like the book or
the story or the author has done a
good enough job that I'm like, you know
what? I'll forgive it because this is fantasy
and in fantasy
there's no shit.
There's very little need for lube and it
just works right the first fucking time you
do anal.
I'll go with it. I'll go with it.
But sometimes
sometimes I'm just like,
that's a lot of magic assholes.
So many. Everybody's got a magic asshole.
I mean and and
there are some authors that prove that you
can
do the anal training with the the toys
or the time or the whatever and make
it fucking sexy and certainly make it kinky.
I've enjoyed reading that but that's not the
norm. The norm is a magic asshole.
It's a little bit apparently like a Tardis.
Yeah.
I don't know. Because and some of these
people, like
they also have magic vaginas
because I just read a dragon shifter one
where was the dragon shifter or was it
another one? I they all get kind of
confused in my head.
No. It wasn't the dragon shifter. It was
somebody else. It was some because there was
multiple
multiple dicks to choose from and one was
like this massive, like, the size of a
forearm.
Looked like literally described. Looked like a third
leg. And it
just went in just fine the first fucking
time.
Didn't rearrange the guts or anything.
Just
And Amorta Abe wanted to know what,
what book that was. I wish my memory
is so shit. I track my books on
the Fable
app these days. I think I have that,
like, whatever if it can be publicly available.
It is. I don't remember. I don't do
Goodreads anymore.
Kim in the live chat,
mentioned
Emily
Raith Raff. I don't know how to say
her name. I believe I've read some of
her books. There was somebody. Oh, and I
can't remember
the
author. It might have been that author. It
might have been somebody else. This is ages
ago. It was not recent.
The magic system
allowed for
magically lubricating
everything that needed to be lubricated.
And the dick was so powerful.
It
this was in the world. This was the
world building.
The dick was so powerful. The the asshole
never hurt.
Everything fit every time easily. But it was
built into the system. It accommodated.
It was built into the system. And I
was like, okay. Okay. I'll go with that.
If that's part of the magic of this
world, cool cool cool cool. Like
my orc
series that I've read
where
the orc men
when
this It's a very heteronormative
world. I've not seen any
not straight couples but
the orc's dick
magically
changes
to provide
the the woman's stim
preferred stimulation. So in this world, it was
orc men who were meeting humans and they'd
never come across humans before. And these humans
owned vibrators, and so their dick would change
to like the rose,
the Hitachi,
the anal beads like this.
Wow.
But you know what? I'll forget that when
it's built in.
When it's like it's it's consistent
and is it? I mean,
is it hilarious and a little bit like,
what the fuck am I reading? Sure.
That one was fun because that was like
a cozy kind of series. Like,
yeah, there was some stuff like, no, they
had to find a body. But, yeah, you
you knew what you were getting every time.
It was very formulaic in a good way,
but magic dicks on these orcs. And I
was like, okay.
So anyway,
I'm so sorry for anybody who's like, I
did not sign up
to hear about magic dicks.
This is why sometimes I think I should
have a a space or a way or
a thing to talk about
some of the shit I read,
but I don't know that I can just
do that casually. I will treat that like
work and then that becomes pressure and then
I don't wanna do it anymore.
And I don't like that either. I don't
know what to do about that.
But
nope. Anyhoo.
Yeah.
You're okay.
I I guess
I guess we could be done with whatever
the fuck this is, though. But I've,
you know,
completely gotten us demonetized
by talking about magical assholes.
But And shape shifting dicks. I mean, I'm
not I'm not mad at that idea.
A dick that can shape shift to be,
like, the perfect
version of whatever a partner needs,
I'm cool. Also in the that one, that
orc fantasy series,
their come was an aphrodisiac
and
smelled and tasted like
candy or like sweet, like
and it was magical. Like, it got on
your skin. You were immediately ready to go
again. It was Cracked.
Maybe so.
So now that I'm mildly embarrassed at myself
Are you ready to call it a night?
Yeah. Oh, yeah. We need to. Yeah. Yeah.
We have a couple things to do. We
do. We do. I'm very excited about some
of those things. Mhmm. Thank you all for
being here. Mhmm. Especially to the better end.
Yep. Please don't forget to go,
enter our
anniversary giveaway if you have not already done
so.
And, yeah, I guess we will talk to
y'all next week. Mhmm. Okay. Alright. Bye. Bye.