You're listening to the Living BDSM podcast episode
four fifty. Kayla Lords here with the one,
the only,
the only crazy motherfucker who'd be in a
closet with me and chop. Yeah.
Yeah.
It's Says a lot about me, though. Really
does, but it also shows we're two peas
in a pod. Yeah. We're clearly meant for
each other.
Wow. Right?
This one this this intro, not the whole
episode y'all. Don't worry.
This intro is for the OGs. It's for
the ones who were here when we were
literally recording We came back in a closet.
And a recording on a laptop because we
will commit to a bit, y'all. 100%.
We are we huddled around the
microphone that's built into the laptop? Yes. Yeah.
But are we clearly older than we once
were because we're sitting in chairs. Chairs. Right.
Right. Yeah. Yeah. Not on the floor. No.
No. Neither of us have. We'd be crawling
out of our closet. Yeah. Just I I
would not be at the at the, stream
tonight. No. You wouldn't. You would not. I'd
still be here on the floor.
We're doing this, as you maybe have figured
out from the just the title. We're celebrating
our tenth podcast anniversary.
And, you know, we're
I've set it up. Is this is this
the first time JB is hearing this? Yeah.
I've set it up. So it's almost like
one of those,
those back in the day, the old shows,
I'd be like, oh, let's do a retrospective.
Let's do this. Mhmm. And it's like a
variety of things. We're not just doing one
thing tonight. We're doing a few things.
I say tonight. I don't know when y'all
are listening. I don't know your life. Anyway,
this,
not the sound quality, but the chaos, this
is what you're in for in this episode.
Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this
is your first time listening, glad to have
you. If you're back for another week, welcome
back. Loving BDSM is produced every Friday for
your kinky pleasure and education, and show notes
are found at lovingbdsm.net.
Come back often and feel free to add
the podcast to your favorite podcast app. You
can also follow the show on FetLife at
loving BDSM
PC. That PC stands for podcast y'all. On
Instagram and, technically, threads at that handle, I
will
forever motherfucking
hate
with a passion
of a thousand fiery suns.
Our Instagram handle is loving d s and
the number one, so that's at loving d
s one,
on blue sky because things have changed in
ten years,
lovingbdsm.
Blah blah blah blah or on YouTube at
youtube.com/lovingbdsm
where you can watch us live stream the
podcast every Wednesday.
All links are in the show notes.
Okay.
So
let me get my little notes up. Two
announcements.
They are actually, like, about the topic episode.
Let me do the one I didn't write
down while I can remember it.
This Friday, August 15, it's a date I
remember because it's the actual tenth anniversary
of the podcast.
We have our monthly Friday night livestream virtual
munch thing that we do.
It'll be at its normal time. It will
have to end at its normal time because
we'll be in the middle of moving the
oldest into a new apartment that weekend, Friday
and Saturday.
So, but it'll be chaotic and celebratory,
hopefully.
So that's coming,
09:30PM
eastern
till about 11PM
eastern
on YouTube. Yay. Okay.
You know what you didn't do? Or you
did and I ignored you. Did you say
hello to everybody? No.
It's the tenth anniversary. You can't be skipping
steps. Hello, everyone. There we go. Oh, podcast
listeners. Y'all got that one too. Okay.
The the second announcement,
as we have tried to do consistently but
not always been consistent,
for our anniversary, we do have a giveaway
that's going on. The link is in the
places.
If you've ever entered a loving BDSM giveaway
before, it will look completely different. That's because
that site I used to use is no
is going out of business. Yeah. So I
was like, maybe I won't maybe I won't
use you this time. I'll go somewhere else.
Door. Yeah. Yeah.
We have four prizes,
multiple ways to,
enter.
The prizes are
essentially for first
nope. What are fucking words y'all? Let me
maybe take a beat. Let me try to,
like, calm myself. Let's try this the fuck
again.
If we were professionals, we'd edit this out.
Okay. No. I won't. So there are four
prizes.
The fourth, like, I've I placed them. I
ranked them because they get
you know, there's there's different levels is what
I did because it it, like, felt right.
And so that's what I did y'all.
The fourth place prize, you will get,
we will ship to you, yes, even if
you're international,
our tenth podcast anniversary
enamel
pin.
I'm I'm southern.
Pin and pin are the same. I'm talking
about p I n, enamel pin.
We had it specially
created.
It was the
2025,
Patreon membership drive. One of the the it
was the big goodie,
for this year, and it's we're not putting
them, like, out available to the public. It's
you gotta be connected to us, giveaway, Patreon,
whatever, whatever to have access to get one.
So they're prizes. So that's fourth place. Third
place, you're gonna get a $10 gift card
to Kinkery. And I have to do it
as a coupon code, but basically $10 to
spend in our
our loving BDSM Etsy shop and the pin.
Second place, you get a $25
Kinkery gift card and $25
to spend at our Etsy shop and a
pin. I have several pins. I'm trying to
get these in people's hands, y'all. And the
top prize,
the one, you get a $50 Kinkery
gift card, $50
to spend at the Loving BDSM Etsy shop.
And guess what? You yep. You know, a
pen.
So,
we have done giveaways in the past where,
like, I am shipping multiple things to multiple
places, and I went, I would just like
to
email most of it and then mail a
small thing. That's what I'd like to do
this year. It only took me ten years
to figure this shit out.
Better late than never. We sort of figured
the the gift card and the discount and
the whatever might might be interesting to some
of y'all.
Those gift cards and codes and whatever, they'll
be done by email. They won't have an
expiration date.
Yes. They can be combined with coupons,
except maybe the Etsy one. I don't think
the Etsy one could be, but the Kinkery
one, you could.
So the giveaway
has started as of the sound of my
voice and runs,
until
11:59PM
eastern on August 31.
Me with
weird things about time and dates, thought I
would stop this giveaway in the middle of
the month, like, a week before. And I
went, I'm not gonna remember that date. That's
not like, saying the end of the month
feels like a round number. It's not a
round number, but it's got the same vibe.
I know some of y'all have to know
what I mean. I know not everybody does,
but some of y'all have to know, like,
that feel.
It's a good round number. The very last
day of the month, the last minute of
the last day of the month, that's when
the giveaway is.
There's tons of ways to,
enter.
You you know, so
please, if you are interested in any of
those prizes, you wanna celebrate our ten years
with us, go forth. Mhmm. Links in the
places.
We've barely begun, and I've already gone off
the fucking rails. That didn't take long, did
it?
But
okay.
Let's get into this. So I have broken
our
podcast anniversary episode into sort of, like, let's
look at the past. Mhmm. Let's do what
we do, which is answer some questions. And
then,
let's, like, do a little bit of dreaming.
Okay.
And that the dreaming was a suggestion from
Yarn and Whiskey in our Discord
server available through our Patreon.
So I I who am almost never on
FetLife y'all, I just I just almost never
am,
went on there today. Yesterday? Today? What are
days? I don't know. Yesterday. And was like,
oh,
let's do a poll. Let's ask questions.
And we got responses. And so I'm gonna
do a thing that I usually would not
do this way because it makes me deeply
uncomfortable
to say out loud nice things people say
about me.
That's that's a me thing. I'm gonna do
it because some of these things were so
freaking cool. So on our FetLife page, profile,
whatever,
I
put the poll out that said, do you
consider yourself a cricket?
And then your options were,
I'm a proud cricket.
And what the fuck is a cricket?
It's okay to not know what a cricket
is because and I will explain it for
anybody who doesn't. Because 81%
of our poll, respondents said I'm a proud
cricket. But 19%
who are following us did say, what the
fuck is a cricket? So
I also asked,
for folks to leave comments and let us
know when and or where you found the
podcast.
Because, you know, we do have
at least that I know of, at least
a handful of people who've been with us
from the very beginning, but a lot of
people kind of filtered in over the years.
You know?
So I'm gonna read those comments. I'm not
gonna say names.
It's not fully private because it's on our
FetLife, but, like,
I'm just gonna read the comments.
But let's start with what a cricket is.
This is not the first time we've explained
it.
If you know what a cricket is, feel
free to zone out for five minutes. It's
fine.
So
when we first started doing the podcast, it
was just us talking. We'd have a topic,
but as y'all have
y'all know well,
I go off on tangents and somebody,
rightly so, left a comment or sent an
email or whatever and said, look, I like
your stories, but I love your topics. But
when you go off on a side tangent,
I I get lost. Could we, like, not
do that? But it was always stuff I
wanted to talk about because to me,
I'm the way I can do this and
it's why I just tell y'all we're nothing
special. We're just weirdos on the internet.
Is because I have to feel like I'm
sitting like at a kitchen table or sitting
in a coffee shop or just chatting with
like
people who are friends or people who we
are vibing together in some way, right? And
so then there are all these side things
I always like they come to mind. Y'all
y'all been here. Y'all have heard them. So
what we did was we created the bonus
section. And I I know that's a misnomer.
I know if you're new, you think, oh,
I'm gonna get extra
kink content. No. You're not. You're gonna get
our random thoughts and hear about our lives
in different ways and know way too much
about our pets. Okay? That is that's what
you can do. But when we first started
it, I would say things like, there's probably
not gonna be anybody here. We're gonna be
talking to the crickets. There's gonna be crickets
chirping in the background. Nobody's actually gonna listen
to this. Why would anybody wanna listen to
this? And after
not that long after we started the bonus
section to try to keep me more on
track,
somebody tweeted at us and said, I I
listened to the bonus section. I am a
proud cricket. And crickets and proud crickets became
a total I just went with it. I
embraced the shit out of it. Because I
was like, man, if you can sit through
us
trying to be serious, but we are who
we are, and then get to that point
where we're like, okay. We're not actually dying
about kink anymore.
We're talking about, like, random shit. And you
wanna be there?
Y'all are proud crickets. And so I've used
that
off and on. We use it a little
bit more heavily through our Patreon.
I've sort of embraced it even more.
So yeah. You don't have it, but I
know over time we've had
some listeners send us cricket art. Mhmm. And
I had one
listener who sent us some cricket art and
said, you are allowed to use it. And
I was like, cool. But I will never
put that up for sale because that's their
work. That's not license. So when I use
their work, it is Patreon goodies. It's like
you you have to be in in that
part of our community to get access to
some of that stuff. And for folks who
have asked for more Proud Cricut stickers, because,
I used one of the designs for stickers
several years ago. I was pricing them out
today. I'm waiting for a better sale to
come up from where I usually get them.
I am pricing them.
So that's what the hell a Cricut is
if you're like, what the fuck?
So
81%
of the folks on FetLife who answered the
poll said, I'm proud Cricut.
I love I love y'all for that.
By the way, if you do not listen
to the bonus section, if you're like, I
can only take so much of this chaos,
we're not offended. We really are not.
You
know, I have said over the years, we've
both said everything you learn,
about how to navigate kink those skills are
transferable.
Communication,
consent, privacy. Mhmm. So, you know, when we
say we
we take
consent seriously, we mean in every aspect of
life. I want you to listen to the
shit you wanna listen to and I want
you to have the ability to opt out
when you need to opt out. Right?
So that that extends to small things
like the bonus section.
Okay. So I'm gonna do this thing that's
gonna make me very,
embarrassed
because I am really not
good
at
this. But I want I want a JB
to hear this. I wanted, you know, some
of y'all to hear it if you're like
because I think some people might see themselves
in some of these things. So I'm gonna
I'm gonna read these comments that were left.
I've gotta scroll. See? People were, like Alright.
Really, like, open. I'm trying to be in
order here. Oh, no. I shouldn't have scrolled.
That was the problem. Okay.
First person says, I think I found your
podcast in 2018.
I feel like maybe I saw a thing
about it at one of the kinky events
I went to forever ago.
I don't usually listen every week, but I'll
definitely binge some episodes when I get the
chance, especially the ones that are pertinent to
my dynamic at the time.
We're currently we've currently been reworking our dynamic
from the ground up or close to, and
your episodes have been very helpful in, being
talking points for how our needs and lives
have changed.
Thank you for being a resource for those
of us doing 20 fourseven. Uh-huh. I know.
See, I need you needed to hear these.
Yeah. I can get over my, awkwardness.
Somebody
said, tune in radio, YouTube,
2017.
You know what? If you don't remember and
time is hard, same. Same. Okay?
Used to listen when I was
diving back into Power Exchange. I was isolated
looking for community.
I am a kink educator now, and I
still point people towards your podcast.
Thank you. Okay.
I found your podcast about six months after
it started. Whoo. You were here when we
were rougher than we are now.
When I was looking for podcasts to listen
to on a road trip and I've been
listening ever since.
Listening to your podcast is like hanging out
with friends. That's the vibe. I can't remember
who
said it to me one time that it
was like,
sitting around the kitchen table, drinking coffee, talking
about chat. Yeah. And the
that yeah. I didn't know that I couldn't
have articulated that until they did it for
me, but that's been in my head ever
since. Which is why for anybody who's like,
why why isn't this slicker? Why isn't this
more professional?
You know?
Because this is the vibe we're going for.
It's okay if somebody's not into it, but
Yeah. Yeah. If I have to make it,
like, my job job, like, and take it
seriously on
a on a surface level, like, not the
content, not the, you know, caring about audio
quality or whatever, but, like, make it, quote,
look a certain way or be a certain
way to just, like, impress from appearances sake,
I'm gonna get bored really fast. So
yeah. It it can always be better, but
we're going for a vibe here. Okay. Next
comment, found y'all after my rough divorce. I'm
so sorry. Sorry. When I wanted to immerse
myself into the BDSM slash kink lifestyle,
been my only constant in a world of
chaos.
I'm glad we could be that for you.
The next person said, I think it was
either 2017 or 2018, which is still we
were still rough. And someone in a Facebook
group recommended y'all's podcast as a good reference,
and I've been listening ever since. There's always
something worthwhile there, and my favorite parts are
when Kayla
has a air quote rant. Right. Not hard
to get me there. Mhmm. They're very cleansing
for me. I'm always very embarrassed, like, when
we're done recording and streaming and I'm like,
oh my god. I just
lost my shit over that. I know my
face was really red. I've yeah. I got
one of I got one of those things.
But they are very cleansing. I I it's
a big energy expenditure but it all feels
good.
Okay. This one legit had me
tearing up, but I told this person that.
Okay.
I wish I could express in words just
how much it is meant to have your
podcast, the Friday Hangouts, etcetera,
to look forward to over the years. My
wife found your podcast, I wanna say about
six years ago, and it was invaluable in
the early days of our journey together into
this world and community.
I have to admit, life has taken me
in some odd directions the last two years,
and I went from being on just about
every livestream to zero. It happens. And it's
left a big hole in my heart for
a while. I think all the crickets here
can relate that your content isn't just about
kink and BDSM. It's about life and navigating
life in general. Maybe through the lens of
kink, but you've created a community and you've
helped a lot of people. You're the only
content creators I subscribe to in a paid
sense, Patreon. Thank you for being a proud
cricket. And I keep up my membership even
without listening because you deserve the support.
I'm gonna stop there cause it goes into
other things. But,
I will read this part because I I
think other folks can relate. Kayla, you helped
my wife be okay with being who she
is. You helped her understand that it was
okay to embrace her little tendencies and accept
that part of her is real and not
broken.
Also, John, thank you for showing the world
that a Dom isn't just what the movies
might lead you to believe it is, and
that tops need care and consideration too. Vulnerability
is not a weakness.
You do good work is all I and
others recognize it.
I mean, I've been trying to pimp you
out for ten years. I'm just lying.
Oh, gosh.
Okay.
I'm still scrolling. Yep. Folks left, like this
was cool. I don't, you know, I don't
go asking for this kind of thing
ever. So this was kinda cool. This one
listen to this. Google Podcasts is how they
found us back when you were recording in
a closet. You were only 15
episodes in at that time. And I think
that's about when you came in. I think
I did, like, the first
I don't know how many I'd have to
go look. Yeah.
Yeah. I I don't remember. But there came
a point I kinda went, could you please
Yeah. Condo this with me? Well, actually
actually, the way you went about it
was Tell me how you remember because you
know my memory is shit. Okay. The way
I remember it is you came to me
and said you were doing this particular episode
How we Okay. And and you felt it
would be helpful to have
a a big d's perspective. Okay. I have
vague memories of that. Do I remember what
that topic was? No. No. We'd have to
go look at the archive. Don't have a
fucking clue.
But then, you know, we got such positive
feedback from that. And it was so much
fun even though we were sweating our ass
off
in that damn closet.
Oh my god. Oh my god. The episodes
were a lot shorter then. They were.
But also that's when I went off on,
like, side tangents because the brain fell off
the tracks and
a one thought beget another thought.
Okay.
Next comment. We have a good friend that
introduced us to your podcast and we've been
listening for roughly the last year and have
loved it all. Thank you guys for what
you do. Welcome.
This this one is not really does not
actually answer the question, but it did tickle
me. How come someone might see this poll
and wonder what the fuck is a cricket?
I mean, do some people follow your account
without listening to the podcast?
Or maybe they always skip the intro and
the outro.
It's fine.
It's fine. Right.
And then the last one, I'm not sure
when I found the podcast, but I know
it was on Spotify. I love the live
stream.
You helped me through the death of my
first owner. I am so sorry for your
loss. I can't imagine not hearing your advice,
and life challenge
and your hearing your I can read. Hearing
your advice and life challenges, it's helpful hearing
other people raising many humans within a kink
dynamic as well.
Yeah. I'm it's so weird to me that
we're, like, super close to not raising the
humans anymore. I know. It it doesn't seem
it's real. Wild. Wild. Mhmm.
So
that's part of the retrospective.
Like, we've had folks,
coming in and out. I mean, I've had
some people who Yeah. For different reasons, they've
they've reached out and said, okay. You know,
maybe I'm not gonna do Patreon anymore, maybe
this, maybe that.
And they kinda drift away for whatever's going
on in their life, and then
they come back when
when it's right. You know?
The I think I know how I am,
and I but I think the last few
years,
we've had our version of this where,
you know, there are points in your life
where you might intensely be into BDSM, whether
it's learning or it's, you know, conventions or
it's participating in community and, like, you're just
deep the fuck in it.
And then there comes, like, some point something's
going on in life and you you have
to it kinda has to fade to the
background.
We made it our professional life. So even
when it fades, it never really fades.
And I I'm grateful for that because
pretty sure one of the few things that
kept me sane for the several years of
our,
like,
life Mhmm. Was the fact that we had
our power exchange even if it was a
muted, dulled down version of it.
But, you know, that that makes sense that
sometimes you're in and out and, you know,
we get it. I I I like it
when people, like, randomly find us. I like
it when people are like, I used to
listen.
It's been a few years, and I'm like,
I like it all. I just I'm always,
very happy, but and pleasantly surprised, but also
fucking shocked that everybody's like, yeah, I could
listen to you ramble for an hour and
a half.
It's because you cut in with, like, your
your,
chill vibe.
I'm over here, like,
pure chaos,
Tasmanian devil sort of thing. Really called chaos
gremlin?
That I am absolutely. And you know what?
You wanna know what's sad about that? I
desperately don't wanna be a chaos gremlin. I
do I have not embraced that about myself.
I find it very embarrassing
sometimes because chaos is fun when I'm making
jokes and we're all, like, having a good
time. But then I'm like, what was I
just saying?
What are the words I like to use?
Did that even make any sense?
So,
is there anything that you've Well, you know,
I don't know. The thing I I just,
you know, doing what we did earlier.
Yeah. A spoiler in case you would not
normally go listen to the podcast. But podcast
listeners who are, like, like, here with us
now, we
for the intro, only the intro. Yeah. We
we did it old school.
We went into our bedroom closet
with a laptop
and we recorded the intro like the old
days.
Yeah. But unlike the old days, we needed
a chair. Yeah. Neither neither one of us
are gonna sit sit on the floor. No.
And, We'd still be there.
Crawl we'd crawling is the only way we
go. And we only were able to last
five minutes. Like,
stamina for being Mhmm. In a hot stuffy,
closet for Yeah. For more than a few
minutes. But, you know, the the the whole
progression
of what has
or the evolution.
Mhmm. Well, I think. Started out in in
a closet with a laptop. An old it
was an old laptop when we started on
it. It was old. Mhmm. Like, I've been
using it for a few years from my
previous big girl job. Right. I started my
freelance life on it.
Yeah. And then started a podcast on it.
Mhmm.
Mhmm. And then from the closet,
we went to my desk.
Yes. Oh, those videos are on YouTube. They
they are not visually
appealing at all. But, yeah. That's when I
was like, well, let's let's just do this
for
more people and in more places. And from
the desk, we moved to the loveseat.
Well, before we went to the the loveseat
for a time,
we were doing,
when we were renting the house, when we
moved to where the town was going now.
That's that's
No. You're right. Well, you're right. At the
condo, we rent the loveseat. The condo, we
were in the loveseat. On my memory. I
have a shipment right here. That was when
we did the loveseat. Okay. When we moved
here to Ocala and we were in the
rental, that's when we did the fireplace chat.
Yes. But sometimes we would also do desk
stuff. True. Right.
But for the most part, it was the
fireplace. Yes.
Yes. And those videos are getting a little
traction on YouTube. It's very strange. I'm looking
at stats. I'm looking at my YouTube dashboard
and I'm like, that's a very
old view of me. I was
thinner, younger, and sitting in front of a
fireplace.
Right.
Several years ago.
And and, you know, then then we moved
where we are now, and and this has
been Mhmm. We bought this house
primarily for this office that we are in.
In yeah. Mhmm. Yep.
So Yep. Yeah. We had we had looked
at a lot of houses.
Yeah. And this one was We walked into
this room and went, oh, this is it.
And then we realized we had this decent
sized backyard, and there was the it was
a a garden shed at the time, but
we were like,
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh. Yep. So
yeah. And then
we'll kinda get into this because we have
a section on the future. Mhmm.
But we we have been we haven't talked
about it in the past couple weeks but
for a while, we were
doing some serious talking about we want to
change our,
video setup. We still have to be in
this room because this is the room we
have Yeah. At least for right now. I
don't think I'd wanna use the oldest,
bedroom because this, like, shares a wall with
the youngest bedroom. Right. And this is still
they can still hear shit. I've just had
to
go, I'm here for questions if you've got
them.
They're they're at the age of I just
like to pretend I didn't hear you say
all of those things you just said while
I was in the kitchen.
But so we've talked about how we want
to update, you know, how we sit, our
background Yeah. What we wanna use for streaming.
We can't update the camera because those are
too damn expensive. Right now, that's that's out
of the question. But, you know, we we've
been talking about
some time now these,
these chairs have,
outlived
their usefulness and comfort.
They were never comfortable. No. Not really. They
were cheap for Ikea.
Yeah. Nearly
maybe everything in this office?
Nearly everything in this office is Ikea. There's
a couple things that aren't. But your desk
is, I think, the only
I can count things. We could do a
whole inventory. But no. But yeah. Pretty much.
Like, this desk we're sitting at Mhmm. The
chair the uncomfortable chair. But it was like
a $20 chair. Yeah. You know?
We for audio listeners, we're like, okay. What
you gonna do for us? For everybody, we
have never pinpointed what the hell is going
on with sound quality. Right.
Mic cord, whatever these mics are, like, several
years old. We have talked about maybe
upgrading the mics or just replacing the mics.
So I mean, the yeah. The the scratchiness,
I don't know. Never
find it. I I have replaced these cables
numerous times. Mhmm. I've even switched,
channels on the soundboard. Mhmm.
And it's not a constant. No. It's just
a
a blippy
here and there. It's the,
it's our little gremlin.
Well, from one chaos gremlin to another,
read the fucking room. Okay? Little scratchy gremlin
sound.
What
else? What else?
I don't know. That's kind of it. I
mean, as far as the the, you know,
evolution to where we are now Mhmm. You
know, but I I am looking forward to
seeing what,
you know, we'll come up with to change.
I'm definitely looking forward to come more comfortable
chair. Yeah. And, you know,
I am I think
we need a refresh. Like, sometimes life has
forced a refresh because we've literally changed locations.
Right.
But now Yeah. You know.
And and that's part of why we've also,
been thrifting a little bit, you know,
hoping to find something that,
appeals and is functional and
Worth the money. Yeah.
Yep. Yeah. Our days of just going to
IKEA and going, I want that. I want
that. And then getting on the floor to
build it.
No. No. We we will thrift. Mhmm. And
so that what the fun part about that
is, you know, when we find it, it'll
be a pleasant surprise, and it'll probably be
a little quirky and a little fun.
Because if it's not gonna be comfy and
it's gonna be something we wanna sit for
a couple of hours at a time,
you know, talking to one another,
then so,
I came across it was a single chair,
that didn't actually look like it would be
very comfortable overall, but it was cute.
But then I looked at the price tag,
and I went, oh, that's right. This is
an antique store, not a thrift store. Yep.
Nope. Yeah. Let me get my ass out
of here. Yeah. It was
cute though. So,
how
I know what you've told me privately, but
I'll so you share what you wanna share.
How
have you felt and maybe grown or not
grown
comfortable
with this whole like in 2015,
the thing was, hey, I wanna start this
podcast. I wanna like talk about these things,
but I don't know how to edit and
I don't really wanna know I got too
much going on. Would you be willing to
be my tech support and do the editing
for me?
That's all I need from you. That's the
only time commitment. Well, clearly.
And you were not, you know, immediately none
of I don't think anybody is ever immediately
comfortable, like, recording your own damn voice. But
I know you were not initially comfortable. No.
Ten years on, where where are you at
with that?
I'm a lot more comfortable with it, you
know.
There was a time, you know, you put
me in front of the mic and I'm
you want me to talk? What?
Mhmm. When I when I let you have
a mic, there were years where people were
like, could you please let JB, like, get
in front of the mic or have his
own?
Yeah.
And,
you know,
I started getting comfortable with that. Mhmm. Audio
only. And then you fucking sprung video on
me. You know? Because I had this, like
I I was sort of trying to chase
the, oh, can we grow? How many more
people can I reach? Which there's nothing wrong
with reaching more people, but it was this,
view from a content creator standpoint, not necessarily,
like, community and, like, chatting that wasn't from
that.
Standpoint, not necessarily, like, community and, like, chatting
that wasn't from that standpoint. And so I
was like, where can we be? What can
we do? Right. But I'm not doing double
work. So if I record it once, we
gotta find a way to use it twice.
Twice.
And and, you know, I've
become
much more comfortable with all of it. Mhmm.
Obviously.
The one thing that has not changed in
ten years
and probably will not ever change,
I still cannot listen to my voice.
Yeah. I've after all these years, I'm used
to hearing mine. I I I can't. And
yet you have a voice that not everybody,
obviously, but some people really like to listen
to. Like, you've got, like, one of those,
like it's not
unless you're making it overly growly and, like,
sexy. It's mostly just like this nice soothing
Mhmm. Voice. I mean, you know, it's like
I'm I'm reading the
the stories Mhmm. You know, for our Patreon.
Patreon.
And,
I I guess people like it, but
it would be an editing hell for me
to have to listen to it. Yeah. That
was the agreement. He would read the stories.
He would record himself reading,
but I had I had to learn how
to use the edit the Audacity and learn
how to edit them. And and I go
a little I'm a little power crazy with
the edit, but I'm like, oh, I can
I can splice and dice? Like, there are
times because it happens to anybody who's reading
out loud and, you know, this is not
something he's doing, like, professionally, like, you know,
so and he's new. We've only been doing
it a few months where, you know, sometimes
you you kind of
when I say you, I mean the general
you, anybody who has to read out loud,
there's a little a slight stumbling over words.
Well, I learned
where because the editing can be finessed enough,
I splice out and you and you just
sound like you just said it like it
I was like, damn.
It was
Yeah. Yeah. I'm I'm I'm the power. I
don't know if I should have that kind
of control. Yeah. Well, you know, it it's
funny
because
when you first approached me with this whole
podcast thing Whole podcast thing. Yeah. You know,
and and I was doing the editing,
I was doing the same thing. I was
editing down to a with a fine tooth
comb, boy, and and just, you know,
for what you could do with what we
had at that time.
And, you know, as
more and more people as we, you know,
progressed that we were doing, you know, video
and then live stream And longer episodes. Longer
episodes and and, you know, people are like,
you know, no, we we enjoy we like
it, but, you know, we like hearing I
started started
editing less than that. Editing became less stressful
for you. That's why I make the joke.
If we were professionals, we'd edit some of
this. We don't. We we really don't. Yeah.
We will if we absolutely have to rerecord
a podcast intro
usually because
something that's just like it's too distracting has
happened or I have just forgotten how to
speak in mid sentence. Mhmm. But we we
let it all yeah. We just let the
flubs Mhmm. Go. Yep. So for anybody who's
curious,
the way I am and how I talk
and how I forget words, oh, yeah. That's
how I can be in in real life.
I'm actually sometimes, you know, a lot more
comfortable in real life
because I am very aware that there are
eyes and ears on me.
And
And I I have over all these years,
I've I've never been able to forget that
I am being watched and listened to. And
then and I'm very well aware because I
spend time on the Internet just like a
lot of y'all do,
that people who don't know you will interpret
things. And people who do know you will
interpret things
ways you didn't that was not your intention,
but that's how they interpreted it. And I'm
I'm overly
aware. But the way
this, all this awkwardness,
you get that in real life
too. It's not a show.
It's as realistic as I know how to
be.
So we've been talking about
over the past several months, like, how our
relationship is going, what we're doing with our
relationship.
Just to give some context in
in the evolution of our relationship
alongside the podcast,
we had actually
only
lived together a little bit over a year
Mhmm. When I said I wanna do the
podcast. We'd only been together about two and
a half,
three years at that point. Oh, we were
closing in on three years Yeah. When we
started it. Yeah.
Yeah. Because we yeah. Because we we weren't
you weren't doing anything
when we were in the apartment. No. Yeah.
It wasn't Could have even if we wanted
to. Wasn't on my radar at all. Yeah.
No.
And so anybody who has either gone through
the archive or has been here the whole
time, you will probably have heard an evolution
in our relationship
Mhmm. And how, you know, what we talk
about in terms of our relationship,
how we talk to one another.
I
do think I have over time become
a lot more relaxed.
I've I've always been relaxed too. That's at
a certain point of the new newness of
our relationship kind of of wearing off and
the newness of living together wearing off. Like,
I've always been relaxed, but the sass,
the look.
I am
there are two times I'm very sassy.
When
I think I'm fucking hilarious. So that that
can be anytime. Y'all are here. We're in
the bed. Just the two of us. I
am I'm cracking myself up.
Sassy city. Okay?
But the second time after all these years
is when I know somebody else watching or
listening. Well, they guess why?
I have an audience for the sass that
amuses me. Let's go.
I do think
I grew into that over time. It does,
though, mean that a lot of people who
randomly come across us and then clearly decide
we're not their people,
are not impressed with my sassiness. They, they
are not fans.
Nope. Nope.
For all that obviously I do most of
the talking on this podcast,
for the rando that just showed up and
don't know us, yes. I am the submissive.
JB has never felt like he had to
say more words than me in order to
be the dominant.
But it's mostly, like
so
let me back up to give the analogy.
Mhmm. In the kinkery thekinkery.com,
we work it together. We each have our
own roles, but in my mind, that is
your shop.
Yeah. And I never thought of it this
way till we had the kinkery, but the
podcast
and the community and all, it works the
same way. We each have our roles to
play with this podcast, the live streams, Patreon,
but
it's treated like it's
my thing. Now I don't like to call
that. It is our thing. But JB has
always been a type of partner, and we
do this for one another. I have to
push him into a spotlight.
He is really good at taking a step
back and just letting me do a thing
that I'm passionate about, that I'm good at,
that whatever whatever. And then he'll just kind
of support me in the way that's right
for him. So if there's ever anybody who's
like, JB doesn't talk very much because JB
don't wanna talk very much. Okay? When JB
wants to talk
When I have something to say, I'll say
it.
I made this comment of several episodes ago.
It's probably been a few months ago.
I don't remember what the top the the
podcast episode was about.
But,
I think I was, like,
in my feelings about, you know, the criticism
that comes with how much I fucking talk.
And I was, like, y'all, if JB was
doing this and it was JB,
it's a ten minute podcast.
Yeah.
And that is not a criticism. It's just
a difference between the two of us. I
am finally It's a red flag. You need
to talk about it. Right. And he's done.
No context.
No examples. He's not repeating himself.
That's it. If you got it the first
time, great. If you didn't, sucks to suck.
But we balance each other out because I'm
a tell you five times until you're like,
please, I I got it. I got it
the fourth time you said it.
So
we we compliment one another.
Yes. Yes. The one thing that we have,
consistently over the years I say we. I
have consistently over the years gotten,
critique for,
and it's it's fair. It's a fair critique
because I'm always like, oh my god. I
can't believe I did that. It's interrupting you.
Now what you have to realize is in
our relationship and this
is our relationship
on display. The way I talk to JB
here is how I talk to him y'all.
If he does not like me interrupting, he
will tell me so.
Okay? He's like, uh-uh. You interrupted me. Stop.
I have something to say. Right?
So I I think it's sweet that y'all
y'all are offended on his behalf.
I am I am mortified when I go
back and I'm like listening or watching or
whatever. I'm like, oh my god. I just
stopped him in mid thought.
It doesn't always look like it, but I
try to be more mindful of that.
You have been. I you have. Mhmm.
Mhmm. Because there are there are many people
they're not here for me. They might be
here for the sass and the humor. They
wanna hear what you gotta say.
And I want
to figure out how I can make JB
say more than a 100 words in an
hour. Okay?
I'm working on it.
Okay. So
where was I going? Okay. Is there anything
else you wanna say about the the build
up to us getting here and here we
are ten years later? No. Okay. So now
we're gonna do what we do. I put
out I put it out several places,
but it's summertime and there's not usually a
lot of, like, movement on social media.
It's I'm used to it after all these
years. That is a thing I have grown
used to mostly.
So I didn't expect to get, like, a
million
questions,
which is why I was like, let's piece
together a whole show. But I did over
on Instagram. I did on YouTube. I did
on felt life. I was like, hey. You
got a question? You know, go ahead and
ask it.
We'll we'll answer them during this episode.
So this is us doing what we do.
See? See how, like, there's a whole pattern
here. Wow. I actually tried to work.
Almost professional.
Fascinating. I know. First question.
Mhmm.
What is one thing you fell in love
with when you first met
the other, and what is your favorite thing
now about each other?
I think the,
the thing that
really
got me was,
how supportive
you were on so many things.
Yeah. I I remember some surprises where you
were like, what do you what are you
doing? I'm like, I'm Right. Supporting you. That's
what we do here. And,
you know, yeah. That's that's what,
that's how you hooked me in. I did.
I did.
And, now
I tell you the one the one thing
I think about
the most
with us right now
is when we are
in bed at night
and we're done reading.
We've put our phones down. We've put our
devices down. All devices are down,
and
you can make me fucking laugh.
I'm always very proud of myself for that.
To to no end, and and I love
that because it
I I need that.
You get very much in your head. Yeah.
Very much in your feels. Mhmm. And I
cannot stand for you to be unhappy, so
I will be as silly as I have
to be so that I can enjoy. You
you you get that
goofy
silliness. It's it's like a a bedtime
zoomie
without, you know, running around, but it's all
in the
there's some physical, like
Well, yeah.
Chaos. Yeah. Look. Look. Look. And I'm so
this is what happens when
you your dominant is also a sadist and
not just still, like, a physical sadist, but,
like, a mental, emotional,
consensually sadist. I'm gonna say a thing and
he's gonna remember this and I'm gonna pay
for this later.
But this is what we do here.
So
yes. A lot of the Zoomies are verbal.
It's my mind like
ping ponging left, right, and center. But some
of those Zoomies are physical
They are. Yeah. Because,
JB will put his arm and, like, hold
me down, and I fucking love being pinned
down. Like, pinned me down the great dickening
from several weeks ago.
He started by pinning me down. It was
so good.
And so
this is this is my sass.
I do not claim the brat label.
I could see where you could squint your
eyes and call this bratty, but I'm being
sassy.
Is I will absolutely physically get chaotic
in hopes that he will pin me down.
And when he doesn't, I
it just get worse.
I just get worse. Now if he said
to me Why don't you love me? Why
don't you love me? Love me, you'd pin
me down. You'd pin me down.
Now if he were to say, baby girl,
stop.
I'm a stop. I'm
I'm a good girl. I'm a stop. But
until he does, I'm going to just flop
like a fish out of water
until I am pinned the fuck
down.
And now that I've, like, said that publicly,
he'll he either just won't do it or
he'll just tell me to stop moving because
I said I would stop moving if he
told me to stop moving. And I won't
get pinned for, like, a week until I,
like, get real sad about not being pinned
because that's the sadist. I'm like, oh, not
all pain is physical pain. Okay? No. No.
No. No.
So,
so, one of the things I fell in
love,
with you,
it's,
I can't just say one because it's all
tied together. Mhmm.
Your openness and communication and your steadiness. There
was no
bullshit. Shit. I'm a be quiet. I'm a
drift away. I'm like, there were none of
those mind games that sometimes get played Mhmm.
Between, you know, new newish partners in that
process. You
you were who you said you were. You
did what you said you would do. Mhmm.
Like, very quickly, I could I could trust
your word. And I knew that if if
I sent the text, if I sent the
email, if I reached out, you were there.
There was none of this, like, some of
that weird bullshit that Wondering if Yeah.
Yeah. I get it. We did not we
did not play games like that and you
just you just showed up as who you
were. You didn't try to be somebody you're
not. You weren't trying to, like, you weren't
purposely trying to just impress me.
You just you just were and I liked
who you were. And I liked the fact
that I could trust that the person in
email was the same person in text, was
the same person on the phone, was the
same person in person. I never had doubts
about that.
Okay. Now,
oh my god. Yeah. There's too many to
just go, it's my favorite thing now.
In terms if we're gonna talk in terms
of what we're doing here, it's the fact
that
almost every crazy fucked up idea
I have
for,
you know, professionally,
you're like, okay, baby girl.
Okay. I got you. Let's you know, if
you could figure out how we can do
it. Okay. Yep.
But you're you're just
you are
probably the most supportive human I've ever had
in my life. And I don't I didn't
come from a family where I wasn't supported.
Like, I was, you know Mhmm. I it
was expected that I would excel in things.
So So I was supported in that way.
But you like,
there you it's almost like you don't you
never doubt me. You might have questions about,
like,
how is this gonna work and and what
what does this take? Like, you you're uncertain
about the thing. What is this based on?
But if I come you and go, I
got an idea. I'd like to try this,
but you just go. Mhmm. You know, once
the logistics in your head are kind of
you're like, okay.
You're just like completely sub that is how
you rope
your partner into a ten year podcast, y'all.
You get one that just, you know, fucking
believes in you
and
will go on the wild ride with you.
You know?
And that's literally one of many things. Like,
the fact that you do think I'm funny
and that I you are my safe person
and I can be
the weirdest,
most real version of myself. There's no mask
with you. There's I I I completely
unmask.
Yeah.
In a way that I was saying this
the other day to somebody. I don't like,
not in the same way like socially
and with strangers but you know, I wear
a bit of a mask even as a
parent. Like there are certain things
I don't let my kids see. There are
certain ways I carry myself as
a parent
that, you know, it took years for them
to get to see how weird their mother
was.
Thankfully, kids are, like, really observant. They already
knew I was weird. I think they were
just happy. I was comfortable showing it.
But, yeah. Like, you're just
I can be my whole ass self with
you. And you're like, yep.
Yep. I didn't know I was signing up
for this, but,
yep. Let's do this. You just I don't
know.
Okay. Now we're gonna get into the
help me with things because that's what we
do here, those questions.
We have answered this in in a a
version of this many times, but it's Mhmm.
It's always worth having
a reminder of our answer for this. Mhmm.
The question is, how does pegging work if
I'm a sub and my partner has expressed
interest in being
pegged? So the submissive would do the pegging
Mhmm. For their partner. And the the the
first thing, and I think that we talked
to the about that extent in,
you know, doing it as an act of
service.
Yes.
Yes. Because,
inserting
a toy or a body part in another
human does not make you the dominant one
automatically.
No. Mhmm. So, you know, as as an
act of service, that that's definitely one way
to approach it. Mhmm.
Yeah. Or if if you're not a service
sub, but you're, like, a sub who does
what their partner tells them to,
consensually
negotiate it. Make sure you're comfortable.
But if it helps, do it from the
your partner wants you to do this so
you will do this for your partner
Mhmm.
As an act of submission Right. Whether if
service doesn't doesn't vibe. But part of it
is is getting past and getting beyond this
idea that,
if I insert the thing in your body,
that makes me dominant. No. It makes you
the top, but it don't make you dominant.
Mhmm. It's like years and years ago, one
of many things that inspired this whole ass
podcast
was when I had I went on a
total, like, written
ranting rampage
on
my personal blog that I have not written
in forever
So about how
oral sex,
giving
oral sex or receiving. You are not automatically
a sub or dom depending on what you're
doing because
Yeah.
I know who's in
control when his mouth is where it goes.
Okay. And it ain't me. It has never
been me. Because there was this sort of
misogynistic
thing of of your especially if you're, you
know, a man and you were, you know,
going down on especially a woman, but anybody,
if you were the one doing that, it
makes you air quotes submissive. And it's like,
nah. There's there's power to be had in
any Oh, yeah. Sexual position. And and I
It's a mind. I feel sorry for them.
They're missing out on a lot of fun.
Oh, yeah. They they are a 100% are.
So that yeah. That's the thing. If you
could think of it as service, think of
it as service. Yep. If you can think
of it as an active submission,
cool.
And then just just remember that
inserting does not automatically
mean dominance.
Clearly, it can, but it doesn't have to.
Okay.
Next question.
I this, I think, came across as a
little bit like,
but I wanted to give you an opportunity
because you need to talk more, damn it.
Why would someone want to be a dom?
What's the appeal about all that responsibility?
Well, you know, I
for me, I can I can pinpoint where
it came from?
And I know for everybody, it's gonna be
different. Okay? You know, it's it's not a
a pat answer. Mhmm.
My childhood
was
chaotic.
Mhmm.
It was,
yeah.
And in this
and there were a lot of things that
happened
there that
for me,
coming into
the
BDSM lifestyle
and being a dominant, I was able to
take back control.
Mhmm.
Yeah. You don't do well when you're not
in control now.
No.
In all No. Facets of life. No. Like,
we're we're talking about just relationships.
Yeah.
So, you know, that that's that's
where it is for me. Mhmm.
Okay.
Yeah.
Follow-up
side question. Sure. In terms of
the taking on the responsibility, which I you
know, if you are not
naturally inclined toward a dominant role, I could
see where the idea of taking on that
responsibility can be overwhelming.
Can you talk about, like, what is it
that you receive
or get or, you know, whatever from Here's
here's the thing
that I'm gonna say about taking on the
responsibility.
And, again, this speaks for us. Right. Okay?
This this Your mileage will always vary. Right.
You know,
different people, different results
kind of thing.
Yes. There are times
I you know, especially
over our our last,
few years Yeah.
You know, there there were times I thought
to myself,
I can't do this.
Somebody else make some decisions. Right.
But what
what helps
keep that at bay for the most part
with us
is
before we entered into our
our dynamic,
we came at each other as equals. Mhmm.
Okay.
And even though I am the decision maker,
in the end
when everything comes down to it,
I know
that
I can
trust to sit down with you and say,
okay.
What what's going on here? What
what are we looking at? What options do
we have? What?
And we can sit and talk about all
that stuff. So you don't bear the responsibility
to completely alone. Right. Right? You have support.
Yes. Mhmm. That that's what makes it Mhmm.
And then sometimes, you know, I I'm would
imagine I don't wanna speak for you. Mhmm.
I know you'll correct me if I'm wrong.
It there's also the there's a balance we
have. There's responsibility, but then there is pleasure
from the control. Mhmm. There's enjoyment. There's
satisfaction. There's Oh, yeah. Whatever whatever whatever.
And so
sort of it doesn't will not always be
in balance. It's impossible.
But
in general,
over pick your amount of time,
it has to be kind it has to
balance itself out so that
the responsibility
is not, you know,
weighing so heavily and there's, like, no there's
not enough pleasure and satisfaction or whatever it
is, you know, to go with it.
Because, you know, the same question can be
asked. Why would you wanna submit? Why would
you want somebody to tell you what to
do? Well, I got I personally
got got some reasons. Right? And it ultimately
is there's your reasons and then there's what
you receive, you know.
So,
what am I
where was I going with that? You moved
real fast and I went panic.
So yeah. It's just Yeah. Because I saw
something pack pop up and I need to
Right. The the whole
thing is there's something you want and you
receive it in a way that is ethical
and consensual.
And so for the the rough times or
the hard times or the Mhmm. The things
that carry a weight to them, they're balanced
by whatever you're getting from that that True.
You need and you want and is satisfying.
Mhmm.
Okay. How do you navigate shame related to
being a kinky person in a vanilla culture?
That's a heavy one. It it is.
It is. And and, you know, for me,
for a long time,
I dealt with that. Mhmm. I think probably
most people do Mhmm. Coming into into the
lifestyle.
And
I think what,
helps me navigate
it now more than anything
is I have reached a point in my
life where I have little fucks to give.
Mhmm.
Mhmm. And I don't
Yeah.
You know?
It it it's not as important to me
to navigate. I mean, I'm not
blatant
Sure. About it. You know? Walking around in
leather and leaving me by a leash. Right.
No. We do not do that in public.
That is not our chance. No.
But,
but yeah. I mean,
you know, I I look at doing things
certain things in public
like that, and I know that's a whole
conversation. We've had these conversations before. I know.
You know, in public, people did not consent.
Right. Absolutely.
So, you know, there's there's that. We're not
doing
We're not You know, I'm not whipping out
the flogger in public. Right. We're not bringing,
people who did not consent to be in
it with us Right. Ever. So it is
it gets to be behind closed doors
and or in spaces
designated
to be doing those things.
You know,
from the conversations we've had because I know
at least one of the ways that you
were in real life absolutely shamed for being
kinky. Mhmm.
You know, I think some of it is
a a growing confidence in yourself over the
years of realizing that you're not the only
one and other people do this.
And so
you're not some, like, freak of nature out
here, like, just coming up with crazy shit.
Like, you're
you there's a there's a whole swath of
humanity that's like, yeah. I'm kinda into that
shit too.
And, you know, just in the time we've
been together and you knew you were kinky
long before you knew I existed in this
world.
But even in the the
oh, gosh, 2012,
they're almost almost thirteen years.
I've watched you grow in confidence just because
you've
lived the kink life that you wanna live
in the way you wanna live it, and
that has evolved over the years. When the
kids were younger,
we were a lot quieter in, like, in
our own home about it. When you had
your own, like, corporate job, you had to
be
way under the radar. Like, his face didn't
get shown.
We were, like, we were super, super careful.
We were less careful.
I think that's kind of when we started
doing video for the podcast was when we
stopped being
concerned about that.
Not as con well,
the funny thing is
when we started doing the video,
you were like oh we need to set
up we need to have
Facebook pages and social media and stuff
and
you know at that time neither of us
were out and
you know, when Not to our vanilla ice
cream. Not not to yeah.
And,
you know, when I set up your,
because your Facebook, we set up first
and locked it down
really good, really well at that time,
and,
kinda missed a target with mine. Yep.
Yep. And you and that's the thing. You
know, the shame is gonna come from different
places. There's the internalized shame, which JB dealt
with early days of his Kingcliff. I
other than the wrapping my head around the
fact that I was on the spectrum of
being a little as a baby girl,
I never felt the internalized shame of, oh,
I'm submissive. Like, for me, that was
a a feeling of rightness. Like, I was
like, oh, I make fucking sense now, and
I felt good about that.
But I'm not immune to the shame because,
in 2019,
when the stepfather I kinda tolerate became the
evil stepfather Yeah. It was because he went
digging where he shouldn't have and then didn't
like what he saw.
And then,
you know,
tried to in his way to
he tried to shame us,
because he did not approve. He does not
pay my fucking bills, so I don't need
his approval.
But he attempted to create a rift between
me and my mother
and that's a whole thing. We got an
episode way back. I'm not I'm not going
into that at this point. But
I have I kind of just realized
recently,
I have been dealing with some level of
I don't know if I don't know if
if shame is the right word for it,
but a hesitancy. I basically stopped writing on
my personal
You did. Site after that because it no
longer it's I put it on the Internet.
It's not private,
but I had kept that part of my
life away
from my non kink Mhmm. Life on purpose
because I'd always, you know, said if I
if there was a chance
that somebody in my non kink life was
seeing this, reading this,
I I would not feel as free. And
when
it happened and it came with
an attempt to shame me and a whole
dose of anger Yeah. I was like, I
don't feel safe here anymore.
Correct.
And that and that is something that has
happened
to
other bloggers over the years. Oh, yeah.
I thought I was immune to it because
by the time that got, you know, that
got found out,
my,
you know, writing about sex, talking about kink
life had bought a fucking house, like,
or was about to buy a house. Yeah.
And so I was like, I have nothing
to be ashamed of, but
it still manages to stop me in my
tracks.
A lot I've let most of that go.
I just haven't
I've not gone back to writing.
I don't know if I will, when I
will. I don't I don't think about that
too much. I don't have time to think
about that.
But in terms
of dealing with my internal feelings, I
I think it helped that that happened after
I had understood I was kinky for several
years, had lived a kink life, had found
a career
in the kink world in, you know, in
some ways. Yeah. Because I was much more,
like, confident in who I was.
But I also
I surround myself with kinky people as much
as as possible. Yeah.
And it's a way
for me to sort of
make it more normal, air quote, all that.
Like, we do taboo shit, and it's not
maybe it doesn't need to be normalized. I
don't know. That's a separate debate.
But,
you know, I
I'd purposely put myself in places where I
don't have to deal with anybody's judgment. I
don't have to deal with whatever feelings that
brings up in me. I don't I just
I just don't. I just don't want to
and I don't.
So, you know, I am freely myself and
you see my face and whatever whatever part
of that is because the family fucking knows
at this point, and I just warned them,
don't go poking because you can't unknow. Mhmm.
But
my life is it is very strange to
be called by my legal name. Let's put
it that way. I am Kayla Lords. Yeah.
You know? I'm legally Kayla Lords. I have
a d b doing business as yeah. Yeah.
I pay good money
for that every few years. But I I
think a lot of it is a time
thing. It's a community thing. It's a confidence
thing in yourself.
I I am sure there's probably a therapeutic
aspect
because I think it depends on where that
shame is coming from.
Are you
what is oh,
is it called
deconstructing? It's where people who,
were raised in
not good religious
ways Mhmm. Are trying to, like, kinda undo
some of that to, like,
have, like, have the life they want and
to, like, not have as much shame and
guilt. And I'm not religious, so I I'm
not saying any of the words right, but
somebody who knows wouldn't you know what I'm
talking about. I know I know what you're
talking. Yeah. That is, like, that's not a
thing that you're just I think you just
wake up from, you know, six months into
your kink life or six years in your
kink life and you're like, oh, the shame
has come. Like, I think there are there
there's different avenues to how you deal with
that.
But what you said at the top is
probably the most important. You gotta run out
of fucks to give.
Yeah. You know? I think that's different because
we've warned about this over the years, and
it was a fear we had,
because the kids are of a certain age
when the evil stepdad lost his fucking shit.
Yeah.
You know, people do lose custody over their
kids,
for for Mhmm. For people finding out they're
kinky. And people do lose jobs. You know?
People do like, you could get kicked out.
You can get divorced. Like, there is a
loss to be had there for some people.
And so if you are super private and
you don't tell anybody and you have a
lot of fucks because you know what you
have to lose,
that's that's different. Once
that was not really a concern of
ours anymore Mhmm. The fucks do sort of
drift away eventually.
Yeah. Yeah.
But
I sometimes get confused in my head. I
hate being
perceived when I'm not trying to be perceived.
And so sometimes I can't quite tell in
my own head. Is this a sense of
shame or is this the
deep seated hatred of being perceived by people
that I don't know and do not
have not welcomed into this
thing. Right? Like, it's too personal. Like, Kayla
Lords is probably the
rawest, most vulnerable
version of who I am as a human
being, and so it is very uncomfortable
for people who don't fucking get it to
perceive me.
And so that's you know, it's all complex
is what I would say. And there are
many paths to get to the same outcome
of going, this is who the fuck I
am, take it or leave it. But, also,
if you are never
like that and you're just like, this is
what I do behind closed doors, and it's
not for anybody else to know. That's what
I find too. Valid. Yep. Okay. Last one.
It's kind of easy. Mhmm.
Mhmm.
What apps slash websites do you trust for
meeting a kinky partner?
I don't trust anything for meeting people online.
Like, there's not a a designation you go
to and you're like, you can trust everything
that happens here. This is the Internet. Don't
trust anything. Don't trust anything. But are there
better
places than others? Yes.
Yeah. I, you know, I I don't I
don't know what to say on that. I
I really don't. I'm gonna do the thing
I always say and it's the boring answer.
It's not the the fun answer because people
really wanna Mhmm. If I just go do
to this one place, I'll do the thing.
Kinky people exist on every platform, every app,
every website, everywhere. They're we are everywhere.
If you know you want a kinky partner,
go to the places where the kinky people
are gathering. Fetlife is the top one because
it's the most popular but there are other
sites that have kinda cropped up over the
years that have a social aspect.
Fetish.com,
The Cage.
There's several out there. I don't I don't
remember them all anymore.
There is I cannot remember the name of
the app
that is the most kink friendly.
They're not like a kink dating app, but
they're like it's I think it's used primarily
by, like, non monogamous people or it's friendly
to non monogamous
people too. I cannot remember the name of
the fucking app. But wherever
if if doing that does not appeal,
what what social media site, what app are
you most comfortable using? Like, you spend most
of your time there? Okay. Well,
if you don't want this on your main
account, create yourself an alt account that's just
your kinky life, and just go
to the extent that you can and that's
safe for you and all that. Go be
kinky on the Internet in a place you
can, you know, you like to be, like
you like to hang out because we are
fucking everywhere.
So the whole thing is
if you're willing to be open about that
you're looking for a kinky partner, put that
fucking shit out there.
Go where you feel comfortable,
and if a place makes you uncomfortable, just
don't fucking be there. But,
like, get to know people
as people.
Our default answer is and has always been
and I just
I just think it's it's good.
Make be there like make a fucking friend
first. Make sure you like them as a
human being and you're like, yeah. I would
I would share oxygen with this person.
You know? Not, oh, that is a dom
and I am looking for a dom or
that is a sub and I'm looking for
sub and so I'm just gonna slot this
person in because they have the title.
Like, just go be a person on the
Internet, a kinky person if that, you know,
if you feel comfortable doing that, alt accounts
are great. I've been living by them for
years.
Actually, I actually now have an alt vanilla
account.
I locked that shit down though, even that
one. And it's like, I don't have my
legal name on it, but I blocked
everybody in my vanilla life because I was
like, I want privacy. This is for me
to go look at what I wanna look
at and to talk to my college age
kid,
not for the rest of you. So yeah.
The
life is weird because my alt account is
vanilla.
Yeah. Yeah.
So strange. I get it. I do. But,
yeah, I mean, the thing is
FetLife has the reputation for being a cesspit,
and it can be. Mhmm. But Instagram can
be a cesspit. Yeah. Facebook is a cesspit.
Let's just
I'm a need, like,
everybody's oldest generation
family member with access to Facebook to to
get them to stop sharing that AI bullshit.
Like, come on now.
But it's it's a matter of vetting. It's
a matter of getting good at kind of
listening to,
you know, whatever your intuition might be telling
you.
For me, that's definitely a gut thing
and checking vibes and being willing to go.
I you I don't even know why I
feel iffy about you, but
no. Like, you've made me feel iffy, you
know. And it's a time thing and it's
a weeding through a lot of crap
to find, like, a couple of decent people.
And sometimes you have to take breaks from
it. Sometimes you have to go, I don't
wanna be on this site anymore. Fuck that.
And go be on another one.
But also
this in person too. It's munches munches if
you can find them, if you have access
to them. Or
it's specific kink communities. A lot of them
are through Discord these days. Now our Discord
is through our Patreon because
that is how I I feel safe. I
want people to be in that type of
community where you get a lot more access
to me than you do anywhere else.
To be people that I like feel like
I have a sense of who you are.
Like I can't have a Discord that's literally
open to everybody or that I have to
spend a lot of time vetting people for.
That's not that's not me.
But there are Discord communities.
So you can go if you can find
one that where you feel comfortable or people
you trust are in it and they're like,
hey, here's what you gotta do to get
in or whatever,
Do that. But always go into any of
those spaces
knowing you gotta weed out a bunch of
shit,
considering a vibe check.
Even if you're out of practicing, never listen
to your gut or your gut, you're like,
but my gut's been wrong. There's so many
fucking people on this planet. Let your gut
be wrong. Weed them out.
Because you can't talk to be with date,
try out everybody.
So,
you know, and make friends.
From there, maybe you'll meet somebody. Maybe something
will grow into more, you know?
Mhmm. And it is the most boring,
not fast answer.
And I know people hate it when they
ask. They're like, just tell me the one
place I gotta go. It don't work that
way.
But yeah.
So there
is that.
Those
were all the questions.
This is a very long episode. So normally
on a q and a, I'd be like,
live chat. Yeah. Nope. That's what Friday night's
for. We do a Q and A during
our Friday night livestream. You can ask questions
in. So we've we've done our job of
a thing we do now. We've we've tried
to help people Mhmm. And given our perspective
on things. Yep. And always your mileage may
vary and you can reject any advice we
give you. We are we do not pay
your bills. Okay?
Quite frankly, some of y'all pay ours. But
if it if a piece of advice from
anybody does not fucking serve you, ignore it.
Go do something else. It's fine.
So now
is the third layer of this No. No.
No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.
No. No.
No.
No. No. No
Shout out, I hope, Yarn and Whiskey is
listening or watching.
This was,
because I asked. I went into Discord and
I was like, hey.
I'm trying to plan this episode. What would
y'all like? And Yarn and Whiskey was like,
you know, can you like, we're we're getting
to watch you plan your power exchange sort
of, like, what's happening in future. What's the
dream? The podcast. Like, where where are you
going? What do you do next? What are
you aiming for? What what are you dreaming
about? Look. I'm just trying to get to
next week and know I that I know
what topic we're gonna
do. So I'm not sure
that I have dreams. Do you have dreams?
And and see, I look at it in
in a totally different aspect because I look
at it from the tech side.
Okay. Oh, that's valid. Because the tech side
is indicate And I'm like, what creates the
experience.
And
I mean, it's it's pie in the sky
because I think, like, you know, what Dream
big and manifestation and all that stuff. You
know, the evolution of of just about everything
from, you know, what
not just how we have evolved,
but, you know, what comes next? LB
Holograms?
Oh my god.
No.
You know,
I don't I have not figured out yet
if I've if I've been burnt out or
if I'm still recovering from the the crises
we endured for a few years.
I am just
really happy, like, right now with
being able to figure out usually, but not
always,
prior
like before the day of, we record or
a live stream what we're gonna talk about
and to feel like we're talking about things
that
are relatable
to,
you know, people who care about power exchange.
Because, like, not all kinky people want the
the relationship like like we've got. Like, they
don't want that kind of dynamic. They want
the kinky play. They want something casual. They
want they want something different than what we
talk about here.
But after ten years,
we have not talked about all of it,
but there comes a point where you start
feeling like, man, didn't I say that before?
And, you know, there's there's the fear of
not being that relevant,
you know, in a world where it feels
like more and more people have shorter attention
spans,
having hour to hour and a half long
podcast where it gets chaotic and sometimes, you
know, I forget how words work.
You know,
I
I,
kind
of when I'm thinking about it, I have
to I feel like I have to think
about it in terms of what do I
enjoy doing versus what do I think will
I'm using this as a metaphor sell. Like
what will get people's attention? What will you
know what will draw them in? And
I just wanna have interesting conversations that
will will be meaningful for people just trying
to live this fucking life with whatever the
rest of your life looks like. Right?
But
I always feel like I feel more confident
when we're talking about topics that we can
relate directly about back to our power exchange,
which does mean that sometimes it gets very
boring.
Because it's like, we're not doing much, but
you know?
So I don't I have not been
thinking
like,
you know, big things in terms of the
future. What I'm you know, when I think
of the future, I'm like, okay. I hope
we don't get I don't get bored because
man, the moment I get bored doing something,
it's like pulling teeth to get me to
do it. It's like, I don't I don't
wanna get bored doing this. I wanna keep
doing this until I don't wanna do this
anymore.
But also,
do I have anything to say?
Do you know,
is it is
it new enough or interesting enough where people
are like, yeah. I'll I'll give you an
hour and a half of my time.
So, like, I sometimes because I'm usually and
prior to probably a few years ago,
I was always like a a planner and
I had goals and had things I was
striving for. And the past couple years, I've
mostly just been trying to exist. And I
don't think that's necessarily a bad thing. I
think living in the moment and just like
doing what you gotta do, that sometimes that's
just how people are. I was never like
that, but I think this time of my
life I am. So I don't when I
start thinking, should I set goals for the
podcast, for the YouTube channel, for I actually
get a little overwhelmed.
Like, oh,
no. I don't I don't know if I'm
ready for that. And I you know, that
there's lots of different reasons for that. Burnout
might be part of it. Recovery from crap
might you know? Mhmm.
So it's more like I wanna keep doing
what we're doing in a way that is
interesting for the people who want interesting enough
for the people who wanna be here, who
are already here, that, you know, understand our
vibe, whatever whatever,
and say something that's, like, genuinely helpful, that's
genuinely relevant, that's, like,
doesn't feel like we're slogging through a topic
and your eyes are glazing over as we
slog. Right?
But, like, what new thing do I wanna
be on? Oh, no. Every time I think
about a different platform or a different way
of doing things, I I get either overwhelmed
or I get tired.
When I, you know,
when I think about what kind of new
content could we come up that's different than
what we do, I'm like, no. I don't
have any ideas right now. And if I,
like, try to push myself, then I'm like,
oh, I feel overwhelmed. So then I just
don't.
You know, I'm
I feel bad for not having more dreams
and plans and a vision for the future.
Mhmm.
Because I what I don't wanna do, I
don't want us to stagnate. I don't want
us to, you know,
be unhelpful.
But I also know that I'm this is
about me personally. This is not about our
kink life. It's not about
the podcast.
I am at a place in life right
now where I
do not,
am not comfortable
with feeling like strangers have eyes on me.
Now let's be real. Parasocial relationships being what
they are.
For a handful of y'all, I've literally met
you in your life. You are not strangers
to me, but
the rest of you know way more about
us than I will ever know about you.
Right?
But it's different. Y'all y'all are here because
you want to be here. You get our
vibe. Like this is our kitchen table and
we're all, like, hanging out and talking. Right?
But when I think about ways we could
grow and things I could do and new
content I could create,
it means I'm gonna put myself out there
in places, like, on Instagram, where I enjoy
being mostly,
to people who don't know this vibe, who
don't know what I'm like, who don't,
you know, get my vibe.
And also I'd have to learn another new
skill in front of people. Like, I learned
how to podcast by podcasting.
I learned how to stream and make videos
by doing it. So I had to be
bad at something
and then put it out there for the
world and go, we'll try to do better
next time.
And, you know, there's a I gained a
comfort level with that. Mhmm.
But when I think about trying to do
that now, like trying to learn how can
I can I do short form content? Can
I be concise?
Can I stick to a single point and
get it out there in less than a
couple minutes and not ramble? And I'm like,
I would have to be bad at that
before I could get good at that.
And the idea of being bad at it
where people who don't know me necessarily and
don't know my vibe could see, I that's
very overwhelming to me right now. And I
don't like that feeling. Like, I I would
like to, like, work on that.
Just add it to the list.
But for me at this point, that's kind
of the way. It's like branching out into
different places Mhmm. And presenting
our thoughts and our views and the way
we see power exchange
in different ways so different people can find
us. You know? Because the world is a
little bit different than it was 10 ago.
Like, yes. There's still plenty of people who
read blogs who would prefer to read over
listen. Their
podcasting is just growing. I mean, do I
think maybe maybe there should be a test
before we let somebody get themselves
a microphone? Because some people
I'm not impressed with what they're doing with
their access to the Internet and a microphone.
Whole fucking manosphere.
But,
you know, so that's booming and huge. You
know, YouTube,
I've sort of
Settled is not the word. I've gotten comfortable
with the fact that we will probably We
will never go viral. That algorithm YouTube's algorithm
will never let us go viral. And I
will I am not currently interested in
worrying about the thumbnail so much or making
sure the title's like super catchy
or grabbing somebody's attention in the first like
two seconds
in order like I just want to be
who I am and let the people who
get it, you know, hopefully find us.
So I actually don't think think much about
YouTube growth at all. I think about how
can we make it better, a better experience
for the folks who are here.
How can it look better? Because that probably
drives me the craziest of anything.
But I don't think about how we're gonna
grow. I think about how do I
learn how to do it in short ways
to
to give people new ways of getting the
same information, in ways that they are consuming
information that ten years ago, that's not how
they were consuming information.
But it would require for me to be
bad at something publicly before I get good
at it. I'm not saying I'm great at
it, but ten years on, I do things
better than I used to.
And I just right now, I'm at a
I'm at a place in life where I
don't I don't have the
drive or the energy for that. It's it
feels overwhelming
and I don't want to do anything that
will make me not want to do this
that we're doing right now.
Yeah. I get it. I get it. I
do. So that was a very long winded
response because of course it is.
In terms of us,
I think we are in a better place
than we certainly were this time last year.
Yes. I mean, not just like like financial
I mean, in our power exchanges. Oh, yeah.
Specifically, what I'm referring to. I think that
we are being more mindful
about our power exchange.
I can kind of see a little bit
of, like, a just a pinpoint light at
the end of the tunnel that is the
end of the tunnel
of one day we will have the freedom
to make sure our fur babies are taken
care of. But we can come and go
and maybe we can walk around our house
naked and maybe we can, like, do kinky
shit in our living room, you know. I
can kind of see that day sort of
on the horizon.
It's funny in general in life, but certainly
as a parent, you think you know how
these things are gonna go as they get
older and you raise children and then
and then they go completely differently and you're
like, oh, okay. I gotta adjust expectations.
So, you know, that that
I get excited about that, you know. Mhmm.
Yeah. And I think, okay. What what can
we get up to,
when we feel like we have more freedom
to get to it? And I I even
think
sooner than that, I think, okay, as we
have the financial resources to leave our fucking
house to go do kinky shit,
okay, can we, you know, when can we
get back to that? Mhmm. But again,
for me personally,
I don't think just like you worry about
you know, we talked about this last week,
week before, you worry sometimes, like, everything's gonna
like, the good that we've got right now
and the progress we've made, it's gonna just
go away at some point and you have
you're kind of on edge. Right. Yeah. We
we were talking I was saying, you know,
I'm I'm
last year
is still a little too fresh, and there
are times I'm just wait for the bottom
to drop out. Yeah. Yeah. And I
I have a little bit of that myself
in terms of
trying to plan for the future
because
I spent
three or four years
telling you and planning next year is gonna
be better. In six months, it's gonna be
better. And I don't have the trust yet
that I can do that. And I think
that that's a that's a little bit of
it. I'm I feel like I'm being a
downer, and I am sorry.
I also feel like I'm gonna get yet
another thing that's like, you need therapy.
I did I did get that. Yeah. I
want to believe, because I'm not a total
bitch, that that came from a good place.
I do think the delivery could have been
better.
It's like, yeah. I know. I I keep
saying that. Like, every episode, I'm like, oh,
I could use some therapy.
There's a good chance we might not have
health insurance next year because
we live in America and for,
because the subsidies that we depended on to
afford insurance Are going away. Are going away.
So
I'm just gonna be like, can I just
afford to go get my hormone replacement therapy
appointments and medications? That's all I care about
right now. Oh, yeah. Maybe my blood pressure
meds. Yeah. Yeah.
You know, it's like there's
yeah.
So
Anyhow.
I know. I brought my self down. Oh
my god. Mhmm.
My dream for the future is that we
will keep doing this
even when it's, like, just, like, six of
y'all left.
And we're like, yeah. But we're
we're we're hanging out and having a good
time.
And that, you know, we will keep working
on our power exchange in meaningful ways. Right.
And I don't know. I think that's that's
it. I don't wanna try and predict if
what the future will look like because I
got it wrong for some fucking
so now I'm just like, I just wanna
keep working on what we're working on and
let and find out what the future holds
and find and find out what that is
and, you know, figure out who we are
as we go along.
And, you know, there's a it's a little
bit of, like, kind of living in the
moment. I wish it came from that, like,
Zen meditative place of this is a really
good thing to do for your mental health
is to live in the moment. And it's
actually no. It's all fear based.
But if the outcome is the same, it
counts. Right?
So yeah.
Yeah.
You know, I'm I'm grateful. I'm grateful.
I'm grateful to you, my loving daddy dom,
for every step along the way going, yeah.
I support you. We're like, let's see what
we can do.
I'm grateful that,
you know,
I still have feel like I have something
to say. I'm so fucking grateful for everybody
who
listens, watches
Mhmm. You know, shares with the kinky people
you know. They're like, oh, no. Maybe this
can help you or they're talking about this
thing you're talking about, you know. I'm I'm
grateful for the messages we get and the
comments we get where somebody's like, oh my
god. It's like you just, like,
are in my my relationship. This is exactly
what we're going through. Because, you know, the
reason I started blogging back in 2012
2012? 2011. I started blogging my fucking sex
life. Let's put it that way. 2010?
I don't even remember anymore. Okay? That's how
fucking long it's long ago it's been. But
the reason I started blogging my, like, sexual
awakening and my kink awakening and then, you
know, my kinky relationship and my is because
I was realizing very quickly I was not
the only one going through these things, thinking
these things, feeling these things, questioning these things.
And even if, you know, not everybody can
relate to everything
Mhmm. Somebody will. And somebody else out there
will go, oh my god. Okay. I'm not
alone. I'm not the only one. You know?
Other people deal with this too, and I
have to figure out my way of dealing
with it, but how'd they deal with it?
Maybe I can, like, get a hint there.
Maybe I can whatever.
And,
you know, to when I when I get
those messages or I get those comments and
people are like, oh my gosh. Thank you.
Like, it's
it does not matter
how many mean comments on the Internet I've
gotten that week. I'm like, oh my god.
That's this is worth it. This is why
we do it. Yeah. This is why we
do it.
But also I'm my own biggest critic, so
I usually walk away from episodes going, oh
my god. Why did you say that?
What the fuck?
And I am always deeply uncomfortable after I've
been really vulnerable on an
vulnerable on an episode because I'm like, that
was too much. You did too much that
time
that you just cracked your whole chest
open. Nope. Nope. Don't do that.
But then I keep doing it. So true
true. I guess at this point, it's in
my blood and soul
and
everything. It's just this is.
Yeah. This is what we do.
I've now brought myself down. I'm so sorry.
This is a celebration.
But I will stop. Before we go into
the bonus section, I'll just remind everybody we
have, our podcast anniversary giveaway. Mhmm.
Four prizes up for grabs. They're, like, ranked.
The link is in the places.
There's multiple ways to enter, and it's open
until
11:59PM
eastern on the August.
I think that's the thirty first, but y'all
know how I am with dates. I never
know them. Whatever the August
is. That's what it's open till.
Yeah.
So
we could do a bonus section now, and
you can, like, lighten me up because you're
very good at
that. So are we good? I don't know.
Probably not. Probably not.
Keep it kinky y'all. And we'll see you
next year and maybe for the next ten
years.
Next year, next week, and for the next
ten. Wow.
Words, they've been a problem
all night. I see that. I see that.
God.
I see that. Next week. And then hopefully
for the next ten year. So what happens
when my thoughts are faster than my mouth
or my mouth is faster than my thought?
I don't ever know which one. One. Okay.
All that.
Can we talk to the crickets? Yeah. Okay.
Please please do some talking. I am just
not the light of the part life of
the party right now.
Not because I'm sad. I'm not. I just
was thinking about deep things and Yeah.
Well, we just,
we,
we we wrapped up the season two of
Gilded Age. Season three. Three. That's right. Three.
Oh, it was so good. Yeah. And and
the last episode had us debating
about
misogyny
and societal expectations of men and women,
and,
I I I am a Bertha
stan. I fucking love her. I do. She's
ballsy, man.
I I just love and I I cannot
remember
his real name,
but I love how,
George
has become railroad daddy. Online. Yeah. The Internet
has is referring to the actor. Railroad daddy.
Yeah.
Railroad daddy.
And, you know,
that
we've said it before. We'll say it again.
Keep saying it. Daddy is a vibe.
And yeah. Yeah. Mhmm. The moment I saw
that,
I'm now current well, I'm currently on on
Instagram on the gilded age side of the
algorithm. So I got all this gilded age,
and I'm like, stop. I'm watching. I'm watching
people's reviews. I'm watching the analysis of the
costume, the this, the that, the whatever. And
also,
where oh, what is the is it Morgan
Spector? Is that the name of actor who
plays George Russell on The Gilded Age? If
you have access to watch The Gilded Age,
highly recommend. Mhmm.
But I've seen him, like, outside of the
character,
thanks to, like, Instagram algorithm. Mhmm. And I'm
like,
yeah. Mhmm. Yeah. I'm down for that. I'm
down for that. Yeah. Yeah. And, you know,
it's funny because yeah. Now that I've seen
some of his,
you know, little reels and stuff off Mhmm.
Set, so to speak,
totally different
demeanor. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. He looks fun.
Mhmm. He looks super fun. Yeah.
Yeah. I mean, his his character is very
intense. Mhmm. I have to say, this is
I probably thought this when we watched Downton
Abbey. It's just been so long now. I
don't remember. But Gilded Age is one of
the few shows I think that I've gotten
into over the years
where each season in my mind is better
than the one before.
Like, when we watched Bridgerton, I enjoyed Bridgerton,
but there were were, like,
there were some moments I was like, no.
I like the last one better. I like
the last like,
I mean, this is okay. Quite frankly, out
of the whole, Bridgerton universe, it's Queen Charlotte
I fucking love.
That that little, like, side series has actually
been my favorite. But with Gilded Age, like
and the reason I brought up Downton Abbey
as a comparison, if you don't if you're
not aware, the creator of Downton Abbey is
the creator of The Gilded Age. Mhmm.
And so there are there are people make
parallel, like, comparisons to those two between those
two shows because of that. But somebody said
online,
Gladys,
who Mhmm. Her her mama, Bertha, married her
off to a duke because she was gonna
make sure that Gladys
was, like, had the best
societal advantage she could. They,
somebody made the comparison that Gladys' marriage to
the duke
is essentially
I cannot remember the character's name, but the
American mom in the in Downton Abbey,
the wife.
I think yeah. Yeah. That's this Gladys is
her backstory.
Gladys' story is her backstory.
And if you have not watched or cared
about any of these shows, you're gonna be
like, what the fuck are they talking about?
Gilded Age is amazing, and I
fell down
the inner the Instagram rabbit hole with it
is all I'm saying.
So, yes, it was it was very good.
It is. It is. It's very good.
Lola had to go to the eye doctor
Yeah. This week. It was a six month
checkup. Mhmm.
She
did not wanna be there. No.
They and they don't I mean, they look
they get real close to her eye, and
I'm squidgy about stuff near my eye, so
I get it. But they also
agree with us. The calories don't count when
when you're at the doctor. And so they're
just they're taking regular sized treats and breaking
them up into, like, 10 pieces, but they're
feeding her treats all the time. And she
still tried to sit in JV's lap.
So in their exam room,
there's lots of open space because, like, the
the vet and the the tech or whatever
are on the floor trying to get down
to, like,
her level to Mhmm. Check her eyes. But
there's, like, a couch. It's it's, like, lower
and more comfy than what we have at
our vet's office. Yeah. And Lola jumps up
there. Mhmm.
Is there only two square inches of space
for her? Yes. She still jumps up. And
this whole visit to just check on her
eye because there's she's got a roll one
hazy eye.
Her
face was buried in JB's
chest.
They lit the the doctor's like, do you
mind if I do some of this exam
while she's right here with you? Because I'm
gonna be real close to you too. Yeah.
I had no problem. She was actually sitting
still
while she was in my lap, and she
wasn't still wasn't happy about it. Yeah. I
know.
She didn't mind that hamburger patty. She got
a treat after her. She got that that
prime treat
afterwards.
We don't do
we don't do, like, drive through hamburgers or
anything like that very often, and we it's
just the patty. Like, not the bun either.
She takes it from me real sweet. Like,
we'll be driving like, Jamie's driving down the
road and I'm feeding her a treat after
I cool it off for it. Don't wanna
burn her mouth.
And when it's me doing it, she's real
gentle, takes out of my hand real sweet.
Most of the time, every once in a
while, she'll accidentally knit me with JB. She's
like,
daddy's giving me food and the aggression.
She's She's trying to take your whole hand.
And it and it's not no. You know,
it's not I not aggression.
No. I mean, yeah. That's too strong of
a word. It's,
excitement. Oh. Oh. Yeah. But she forgets herself.
Yes. She's all teeth.
Mhmm.
Yeah. I sometimes I need to
Sometimes you have to use your, like, big
d voice on her to get her to
back the fuck up. And I'm, like, well,
I'm backing up too. I know what that
voice means.
You and me, girl. We'll back up together.
He he means it this time.
So so, yeah, that that was an ordeal
for her. Yeah.
We came home covered in fur because she
Oh, stress shedding. She yeah. It was just
coming off in clutch. She's a very short
haired dog. She's a pity if you've never,
like, seen a picture of her. She's gonna
have a lot of hair, but it just
comes off her in clumps at the vet.
And then because she was sitting between us
on this, like, couch kind of thing, smaller
than a loveseat, it's ice it is small.
Yeah.
Her ass was pressed into my leg while
her face was pressed into JB. And I
come out of the vet's office
and the my whole leg, my hip
is you can't see the pants. It was
a little just Hair. Coated in fur. I
was like,
this is delightful.
I love this.
But she still loves us and she didn't
give us side eye when we got home.
So I I think I think the hamburger
patty did its job. She's she's laying at
my feet now. So, you know I think
it helped that she got Zoomies before we
started recording plus streaming.
Yeah. Because she got it out of her
system. She's she's been doing pretty good with
that. We I think it seems we've got
her,
doing good with her meds.
Yeah.
I mean, you were the big meanie that
cleaned her ears out today. I know. She
hates that. Oh, she oh, she hate that
with a passion.
But I saw her start to do the
Scratch her ears. And I'm like, nope. Time
to do it.
I'm not gonna go back into the rant
from a couple weeks ago of the vet
we do not like.
But the more
I have thought about that vet encounter every
time I'm angrier every time. I know. Right?
Like, I'm just like, here are all the
things I should've fucking said. Mhmm.
Hopefully, we'll never see that lady again. Exactly.
Exactly. The cats are good. They're still crazy,
but, you know, same
same shit, different day. Mhmm.
Saturday,
the oldest moves into his new apartment.
Mhmm.
We
thought that would be earlier in the day.
So Yeah. We're doing a cargo van again
through U Haul. That's what we did to
move him out because it's not even he's
not even moving out of a one bedroom
apartment, like, a whole apartment. It's, like, literally
a fourth of a kitchen and a bedroom.
So you don't need, like, an actual U
Haul, but we only have a Corolla, so
we do need some help. Yeah. So we've
scheduled it to to pick it up on
Friday,
and the kid is doing,
UF Gator band marching band again this year
after not doing it last year. And he
thought he would be
at band camp while we needed to pack
up his van. And I was like, okay.
I hate this, but we we've gotta do
what we gotta do. Yeah. The kids out
there, like, doing the school thing.
So we you know, JB and I talked
about we're like, okay. We'll get the van
at this time, and we'll load it up
at this time, and then we'll blah blah
blah. Some of that's still happening, but, thankfully,
the kid will be here. But it's still
a
late afternoon Friday because we have a thing
we wanna go do before we stream, and
then we have the stream
Friday. We will pack up the van.
And then the next morning, early morning, I
have to go out and,
get some groceries for his apartment and a
couple other things I've been trying to remember
that I need to get for his apartment.
And I've gotta do that early so that
the kid can take the car between probably
10:30 and eleven,
go to campus
because he has a time that he is
required to be there for band camp. It's
a short thing. It's, like, probably less than
an hour, but he's gotta be there at
noon. But the
apartment won't let him move in until 4PM.
Yeah. So
we pack up the van
late ish
on Friday.
Mhmm. I have errands early mornings. There's no
sleeping in after the stream. I gotta get
my ass out of bed, go run these
errands.
He will take our car.
We will ride in the van together
to meet him at his apartment complex, which
thankfully is next door to his old apartment
complex. We don't have to learn new directions.
Mm-mm. Meet him there at four,
unload
as fast as we can. Because the van
has to be back by seven.
Yes. Because if we keep it longer, then
we're paying, like,
we're paying more. Don't wanna pay more.
Yeah. And and Panda, yes.
She she is doing well.
And the thing we had looking for
looking at yesterday was that,
lesion in the eye, but it's doing very
well. It's stable. It's stable,
which is which is good. So it looks
like I will be giving her
eye drops from here to eternity.
They,
I meant to ask you Mhmm. Because I
felt my ass clench when they mentioned this.
So I wondered how you felt. So they
were talking about how, you know, these kinds
of eye problems are very common.
And, you know, it's it's they were happy
to know that she takes the eye drops
well. I mean, we we didn't talk about
how we have to bribe her, but she
takes her eye drops well. But the vet
mentioned that sometimes whether it's a problem like
this that escalates or another kind of eye
problem,
some dogs
have to get drops in their eyes three
to four times a day. And I felt
my whole ass clench. I went, I how
how? And I don't even do the eye
drops. That's not that's not a thing I
do. That's not on my list.
But I was like,
oh my god. Poor JB.
Thankfully, we're not there yet. Hopefully, we will
never be there. Right. But I was curious
about how, like, if if you caught that,
if it Oh, I I caught it, and
it was one of those things that
in and out. You were like, I'm not
thinking about that shit. Right.
You know, that does speak to our personalities.
I'm over here going, oh my god. Oh
my god. And you're like, I nope. I
don't wanna hear it, so I didn't hear
it. It's not my reality.
I mean, you know,
yep. One twice a day, we're good. She's
doing good. She's great.
Just keep it that way. Yeah. Yeah. And
and if doing it twice a day keeps
me from having to do it three or
four times a day
Yeah. I'll I'll keep keep with the two
times a day. And it's a medication
because it's not medication medication. It's like saline.
We can buy from Walgreens. We don't have
to keep, like, getting prescriptions. Correct. Correct.
So, yeah, that that's nice. Yeah.
I had a thought. I was gonna say,
and I've already
forgotten. Already gone. Happens that way. Later it
gets in the evening,
the more I forget,
the quicker I forget.
But yeah.
So she's good, though. Mhmm. And she still
loves us. Yeah.
She since we since we came home from
the vet yesterday, she has been, like, Velcro
with me.
Oh, yeah.
She usually is oh, that was the thing
I was thinking about. Like, look. Anybody who,
was here during the sake era, you know,
we love a small dog. Yeah. I did
not know how tied to sake I was
until he was not here, and I had
to experience what it's like not being the
favorite.
It's fine.
That being said Mhmm.
We got to the vet's office and then
trying to leave the vet's office. The problem
children
who were snappy and yappy and you had
to watch
were the small dogs. Yeah. Lola was the
only large dog in the waiting room, like,
both times going in and leaving. Mhmm. And
she was the calmest. Yep. She was like
and thankfully, she didn't react to the dogs
who were, like,
clearly, like, upset and want to bark at
everybody.
And I'm I'm grateful that she's like that.
But Yeah. Like,
the thing that is frustrating,
and it's a personal thing, it doesn't actually
matter, is the fact that all those people
who had their small dog were all side
eyeing Lola
at first when we walked in. Like, she
was gonna be the problem. Right. And I'm
like, our girl is quiet. She just wants
to leave. She keeps walking to the door,
like, can can I don't wanna be here.
But she's mostly staying right by JB and
just, like, let's She laying on the floor.
Chill like she typically is. Yep. And yet
folks are, like, holding their small dogs a
little closer. I'm like, she is not the
problem here. Y'all are yapping over there.
Now once the waiting room cleared out and
we could actually sit down like, we got
there and we could not sit down. Yeah.
Partly because we were not gonna drag her
up into the middle of all those small
dogs because it was so busy in the
waiting room.
Then there were people who there was one
lady who just clearly loved all dogs because
she walked around going, can I pet your
dog? Can I pet your dog? Can I
pet your dog?
But I don't know if you noticed that
the the people who came in after us
still side eyed Lola until we left and
walked her. I didn't catch any of that.
I was offended on Lola's behalf. Catch any
of that. And I don't have a problem
with small dogs. I I just No. But
I I think, you know, with Lola's particular
breed, there is a stigma that comes on
unfortunately. There absolutely is. And now I've had
the experience
this is why I'm, like, I'm offended on
her behalf.
I've had the experience where our girl was
calm and on leash, and it was a
small dog that instigated it. And I'm like,
well, yeah. If she had taken that dog's
head off in that particular incident
Mhmm. She'd have been the bad guy. Right.
And but I watched this little shit
start it all. Yeah.
And that and that one time, Lola was
trying not to
I know. She was trying so hard that
time. Yeah. But yeah. I was just I
was walked in there. I was like,
don't look at my dog like that. Yeah.
She's a good girl. She is a good
girl. Oh, she's she's got what we call
her satellite ear. Yeah. She's laying down as
if she's sleeping, but one ear is fully
up.
And the more we say her name, the
more that ear twitches. Mhmm.
So Well
I know for me, I think I think
I have finally run down. Not run out
of anything. It's the batteries.
It's it's yeah. It's almost We've had almost
a two hour Mhmm. Situation. 09:00, and we
we need to leave some stuff for for
Friday. You know? I know. Well, there'll be
some we have a lot to do between
now and then. Well, that's always true. No.
I'm I'm pretty sure,
we will all be
you and I at least will be will
have thoughts and feelings after having to load
the fucking van back up. I know. So
I know. The nice thing, though, we can
just when when we unload,
it just gets unload and dropped, and we
can I know? I kinda wanted to, like,
have the moment my original intention was we'll
unload. We'll get a stuff dropped off. We'll
take them to go get something to eat,
and no. Now it's like we gotta, like,
leave the parking lot on two wheels and
get out like our asses on fire
to get the thing back in time.
Yay.
That's fine.
Okay. I guess we can be done. Mhmm.
I can't hardly keep my eyes open anymore,
so that's probably time to beat. Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm ready to put my feet up for
a little bit now until, you know Yo.
Yeah. I got, like, twenty minutes left of
a really good book I'm reading.
So
thank you all for being here to the
bitter end. Thank you all for being here
at any part in the last ten years.
We fucking love y'all. We we we appreciate
every each and every one of you from
the ones who've been with us since beginning
to the newest folks. We Yeah. We're
we're we're grateful for you, age and every
one of you. And we will keep showing
up as long as some of y'all do.
Mhmm. Yep. Okay. K.
Bye.
Ice cream.
You scream.