You're listening to the Living BDSM podcast episode
four thirty eight. Kayla Lords here with the
one, the only, the why are you looking
at me like that? I love you. Did
I do something wrong? John Brownstone.
You're giving me it's a very intense look.
Mhmm. And I can't read the emotion. I
Good. Can't always. Yeah. But
Yeah. I didn't know what that meant. Were
you having a moment and I just got
caught up in it? It meant nothing. You
made more out of it than it was.
I mean, it felt like it was something.
It was a very intense look. Yeah. It
was. Yeah. Yeah. Way too much eye contact.
Anyway, so we're talking.
This week, we're continuing our series about making
power exchange work in the real world
by talking about how to actually do power
exchange that in the real world that nobody
else is gonna notice.
Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this
is your first time listening, glad to have
you. If you're back for another week, welcome
back. Loving BDSM is produced every Monday and
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blah blah blah. Right. Okay.
Really, if you just type in Lummig BDSM.
Tada.
Okay. Before we get into
the topic, two things real quick. One, if
you hear a
we know that's our fan.
If you hear crackles in the microphones,
we know we can't figure out what it
is. Right. I mean, we I I have
tried so hard to trace that down. I
mean, these are supposed to be high quality
enough that we should not need to replace
them and that is my fear.
That something has happened and we so yes,
we know. Two,
I haven't mentioned it a lot lately and
I think I should.
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You,
get access to our behind the scenes podcast
episode every month. This year, that
episode focuses on
our reconnection
in Power Exchange. Mhmm.
So it's like a bonus section, but it's,
like, really focused on the power exchange.
We do every other month, we swap between
a game night, which is Cards Against Humanity,
or a movie night, which
is not technically
legal, but I'm a keep doing it till
they tell me I gotta stop.
And this month,
April April '20 seventh, is that how dates
work, is movie night. We still haven't picked
the movie yet because I'm waiting for something
to arrive because I have a stack and
it's a whole thing. Anyway,
minimum, $2 a month. If you'd like to
join us to help support this,
once we complain to you in the photo
section about what's going on, you'll know why
I'm like, hey. You wanna come be on
our Patreon?
But we do hope we, give as much
value as we receive that. That's the plan
and hope.
Okay.
Let's get into
this episode,
and we are continuing
the series because it's making coming up with
topics way easier if I have a plan.
It's just working out, and I like it
that way.
We have talked about some of what we're
gonna talk about in this week's episode in
the past,
partially in
many episodes where somebody is asking how do
you do this in front of and then
pick a situation where you're not alone with
your partner. Right? Mhmm. But specifically, we did
an episode in 2019
about subtle power exchange, and then we did
an episode in 2020 about our personal views
on public kink,
based on
a image that was floating around the Internet
of somebody walking their human dog into a
grocery store on a leash. It was a
whole thing.
That felt like when I saw it, when
I went and, like, checked our history, I
was like, oh, god. Yeah. Why does that
feel like a lifetime ago? It was 2020,
y'all. That's why it feels like a lifetime
ago.
So some of this is not all new
for anybody who's been around for even five
minutes.
But it I want this episode to kind
of package it all up. So the person
who's, you know, DMs me and goes, how
do I do this around my family? I'll
just can send you the link here. Here.
We we've talked about it. Here's a whole
hour. Are we wrapping it? Are we wrapping
it up neatly with a bow and all
that? No. No. We're not doing that. We're
not doing that. Usual chaos.
And,
when I was looking through our archive, our
most recent episode
this year where we're talking about reconnecting in
our power exchange where we did some experimentation
with public rules
is on this as well is this topic
as well because
our entire
almost our entire power exchange is something that
you don't know unless you know what we're
doing. Like we
stay within our power exchange when we're visiting
family,
when we're in front of our children,
when we are out in public just doing
whatever.
It's actually
more strange to do the secret behind the
closed doors,
uber kinky stuff.
Because we're tired. Okay? Who's got time for
that? Anyway, so
this is not
so this won't all be new information, but
it's all kinda together, and we'll talk about
it with a slightly different angle. So there
we go.
It is something we've done. I when I
originally put our notes together, I was gonna
say it was something we had originally we
did when we moved in together. And then
I realized, oh, hell no. We've been doing
unclockable.
Nobody else else but us knows power exchange
even long distance. Yeah. And so I was
like, yes. This works, I think, any relationship
style, and probably any kind of power dynamic.
And what I mean by that is, yes.
I'm a service sub, so it's very easy
to serve, air quote that word. If you're
like, please tell me what to do for
you, you know,
to my dog. Right?
I think it can work even if you're
not that kind of specific and you just
kinda wanna be told what to do or
you wanna ask permission or you want somebody
to control things. Right? So,
yeah, we're we've got examples going back to
long distance.
We got examples of, oh, you mean I
gotta pay the bills and raise a kid
and and go to the doctor and have
a power exchange. Okay.
So that's
that's,
where we're starting. That's kind of our premise.
My notes. I'm using my notes. I'm trying
to be better about that, y'all. Okay. So
the first thing I have is the subtle
and I keep calling it unclockable.
You're not gonna clock it if you see
it unless you know. If you know, you
know. Right?
Mhmm. Subtle unclockable power exchange.
What are some things that come to your
mind that we do or could be done?
There there's a number of things that come
to my mind.
First and foremost, our the coffee service.
Yeah. It just looks like I'm making you
a cup of coffee. Yeah. Mhmm. Yep.
Things like giving me my sunglasses when we
get in the car. I think the kids
are starting to notice that, but the kids
are much more aware.
They they don't
ain't air quote normal.
Yeah.
Yeah. Or, like, I can't, let myself out
of the car. You have to come open
the door for me. Yeah.
We are able to do things, not maybe
the the sunglasses thing. I just look helpful
in that in that situation.
We're able to do things that look very
heteronormative
because that's what we look like from the
outside. And as the submissive
in my southern upbringing, nobody blinks if I'm
getting JB a plate of food or if
I'm serving him before I serve myself or
whatever whatever,
or if I'm deferring to him. I don't
my mother would clock me deferring to to
JP,
and she would take me to the side,
and I'd get a lecture.
But the rest of the general population, especially
now that I don't dye my hair and
you can really tell my age,
our age, nobody is thinking much of it
anymore. It's like, oh, yeah. That's just how
that's how old southern ladies are. Right?
But it means we can get away with
a whole hell of a lot. If you
do not have that heteronormative
appearing thing going, what you end up looking
like is either very considerate,
very polite, or depending on either side of
the slash, just like a really good supportive
partner.
So will there be some people who tells
a man men aren't supposed to do this
and then you get all nauseous and you
wanna roll your eyes or whatever. Sure. Sure.
But for the most part,
you know, you can just go, but I'm
just helping my partner out. And most people
are just gonna think you're a really nice
human for doing a thing for your partner.
Yeah. You know, it what's funny, I just
wanna throw this in real quick. I'm talking
about the car doors.
I I had been doing that, you know,
since we we met Mhmm. Initially.
And and the funny thing is is that,
you know, since the boys were young,
they witnessed me doing this like you talk.
Mhmm.
And,
what's funny is the youngest has picked up
on it and, you know, when we if
he's with us somewhere,
he when we get to where we're going,
he will get out and open the door
for you. And, you know, the kid will
do it. They will do it, and I
appreciate it. But at this age,
15,
all the teenage attitude will do it, never
complains, never says, I'm not opening the door
for you, mom. But will absolutely do the
teenage eye roll and yet still do it.
And I'm like, I'm not complaining. I just
say thank you. We move we move on.
And, you know, there's that's kind of been
for anybody who is raising little humans to
not be assholes, that's my whole goal has
always been to raise small humans to become
not assholes. And since they are,
at least,
assigned male at birth minimum,
to,
not
keep repeating some of the bullshit from all
the generations. Alright? We don't do boys will
be boys in this fucking house.
But
where was I going with that goddamn? Oh,
so for I couldn't help you there. No.
You could not. It it is a thing
because this thing we talked about. If you
are raising
small humans and you are the, oh my
god, they're gonna notice and they're gonna ask
uncomfortable questions.
Maybe it does depend on how observant your
child is, how curious they are, and if
they
have a filter or not. Yes.
But
when our kids started asking questions, and it
was the oldest because that's how he is.
And it was because he had enough memory
of me never doing this for anybody else
ever. And these were small things, making a
cup of coffee, doing that, like, really small
things that don't look kinky.
The question I got was, why are you
doing this? Why do you do that? What
and they know him as Mr. John. Why
do you do this for Mr. John? And
my answer was very simple because it makes
him happy, because I want to, because I
like taking care of him. Like I could
come up with all these reasons that were
in no way kinky. So
yes, if you have people, small humans or
not, living around you who might start going,
why are you doing that? Because you've never
done that before. Right?
You can just say it's a it's about
love. It's about care. It's,
you know,
just trying to be nice, whatever. If you
even choose to answer it, but that's how
we did. So when I say they're subtle
and and unclockable, I don't mean
the people who are around you all the
time might not notice if there's a behavior
shift. What I mean is nothing looks kinky
from the outside.
And there are things that
don't have to mean anything to even another
kinky person. They only have to have meaning
to you and your partner. That that's it.
The other sort of subtle, unclockable one is
one
every kinkster can do, and guess what? Most
of y'all do it, and you just aren't
thinking of it that way. And that is
sending the text or sending the DM, dom
to sub,
saying go do this thing. Sub to dom.
Hey. Can I do this thing? Can I
have
it's as subtle as it gets unless you
were worried somebody's reading you messages? And then,
I mean, maybe we need to have a
talk about, like, phone security and, you know,
deleting your history or whatever password security. I
don't know. But in general, if you are
the only one that has access to a
device that you can use to communicate with
a partner,
you can do almost anything if
if it's like you get the message and
you go behind closed doors to do something
or or whoo, you go into the bathroom.
Now people raising small humans, the bathroom is
not sacrosanct for several years
for many of us. So,
but yeah. I mean, long distance, that's how
we did all kinds of things, especially sexually.
JB
loved loved to get me riled up and
edge myself in the middle of my work
day. So that by the time we got
to our nighttime
phone sex ritual,
I was, like, keyed up. Right?
And
so nobody knew
what I was doing in the bathroom
stall. Like,
I can keep quiet, and I could be,
like, not make anybody else uncomfortable.
That's just, like, unclockable
as I think as you get. You're just
getting up from your desk and going to
the restroom. Did you just look at your
phone and get a text? Sure. Sure you
did. Sure you did. But they don't know.
They assume you go go into the bathroom.
God they should not assume anything else. I've
got questions for your workplace. If anybody is
wondering what anybody's doing in the bathroom. Like,
you can you can have that kind of
thing where it is very,
very kinky, very sexual, very, very whatever.
As long as it's something you can do
behind closed doors that nobody else is gonna
watch you do. You know, how many of
us I know not all, but how many
of us have gone out in public with
a toy stuck in an orifice somewhere.
Right? Yeah. The only person who knows about
that is whoever has access
to your underwear, assuming you're wearing any. If
you put a toy in an orifice, wear
underwear over that. Just just it gets messy
is all I'm saying.
Free tip from me to you.
But, yeah, we do a lot of things
that it's I find it I think sometimes
I say it's easier because I'm a service
sub. Because it's like, hey, daddy. What do
you want me to do for you? What
is a thing I can do for you
and to serve? Right? But I think even
if you're not a service hub and you're
just like, I want my partner to have
control. Okay. That can involve asking for permission
for things.
Only doing things when you're explicitly told. Even
if you don't ask the question, you and
your partner have an agreement that your the
Dom will tell you when to do the
thing.
Do you have to maybe learn how to
talk in code a little bit? Sure.
The ask permission one, text and DM, you
know, even from the same room, whenever that's
available. Sure. But I was thinking about it,
and I'm very proud I'm proud of myself
for actually remembering after having thought about it.
One thing to try if being on your
being on a device and being able to
silently
send a message to each other is not
an option.
Set up a signal. Set up, some code
words. Set up a here's what I'll do
to ask you something. And so and you
have to communicate it ahead of time so
both partners know what's going on. The one
I thought of because I thought back to
for a while, I because I got a
little little out of hand with treat yourself.
Okay. It was a it was a little
much. So JB stepped in and said, if
you want a treat, whatever, however we define
treat, you have to ask permission.
Now we were able to do it all
through text, email, DMs, like, quietly. Nobody knew
what we were talking about. Right.
But in public,
what
I I would either lean over and whisper,
but if I got real shy or it
was too close quarters or somebody was fucking
nosy,
the thing that came to mind that you
can do when you have to negotiate it
ahead of time
is to ask your dom, hey. Do you
want
dessert?
Now if your dom knows what you're actually
saying is, I would like dessert, please. Can
I have permission?
Right? Then they have an appropriate response. Maybe
the answer is yes. And that means both
of y'all get dessert. Maybe they say something
like, I don't want any but you should
have some if you want. Your dom just
looks like a nice human being who just
gave you permission to do a thing, right?
There are some
that
if you're trying to be a not notice,
if you're trying to be super subtle,
you might not wanna ask in a public
place in front of other people, do you
need to go to the bathroom? Because I
need to go to the bathroom. That one
might or can I go to the bathroom?
No. Maybe.
Maybe stay away from some of those. That
will get questions.
But if you can find a way to
ask for something that you need permission from
your dom to do in a way that
lets them know, I'm actually asking if I
can do this but I'm just trying to
make sure my grandma don't know what we're
talking about over here. Right?
That could be a way. It's twisting the
question,
but you have to negotiate it first. True
true. Now, thankfully, we've never had to do
that because,
my family when I have to be around
my family, they know I have to get
some alone time. I gotta be out of
the crowd for a while. And JB knows
to just wander and follow me
or to keep his phone on him so
I can text if I have a question
or need permission for something.
But there are all sorts of ways. People
ask us all the time, what are some
things we can do? Well, I can tell
you what we do, and I can tell
you some random ideas that come to mind,
but none of that might speak to you.
You've gotta think about
what
you, as a submissive, are willing to do,
want to do, are capable physically, mentally, emotionally
of doing. And the dom's gotta think about,
well, what do I want my sub to
do for me? Or what rules do I
want them we're gonna get into rules in
a second. You know, do I want them
to ask permission for things? Do I want
to tell them they can't do something until
you know,
how what is it that's gonna make the
power exchange
feel good to you that is not
necessarily around the
getting naked naked, wearing a collar, being twisted
into some, you know, unique
body position
for the fuckery. Like
Mhmm. What is in your personal life?
Some things that we did early on, and
I still kind of do even though sometimes
I wish I didn't, but it's fine. I'll
do it anyway.
I call and make JB's appointments. I have
more access to this man's medical records than
he does because I know the password, and
it's saved on my computer. Okay?
When it's time to deal with billing, I'm
probably the one calling. When it's time to
reschedule, I'm me who hates the phones, yes.
It's an act of service. Because
if left to his own devices, JB's not
calling. JB's not calling because he doesn't wanna
go in the first place. So as a
submissive who wants to do if this is
what you how you are, if you want
to do things for your dom, make their
life easier to serve to whatever. Right? However
you define it for yourself. What are some
things they struggle with that you know you
can do? Right?
I find, and this a lot of people
I know are like this,
I've I've been this way as a parent.
I am this way as a partner. The
things I struggle to do for myself, making
a fucking phone call. Oh, my god.
Will I procrastinate for six months? Of course.
I can do for somebody else. Not always
easily, but more willingly, quicker. Right? So I'm
not gonna make a phone call on my
own behalf unless I literally have no fucking
choice and it's the only way. But for
JB,
he makes it a task, I'll do it.
Or I just know it needs to be
done and I'll I'll check-in. Hey, can I
do that thing for you? That's another way
to ask your dom something in public without
anybody necessarily
noticing something is air quote off. Right? Or
different. Is, hey. Can I do that thing
for you? Hey. Do you need help with
that?
Talk about it ahead of time. Negotiate it
ahead of time so that a a partner
who is, like, in a different space and
might not be in that headspace
knows the words you're gonna use and how
you're gonna frame a request or whatever.
But for finding things you can do that
are not
erotic, specifically
kinky in the the under the umbrella BDSM
of activities kinky,
you know, sexual,
what can you do for one another?
Subs. What, do you struggle with that you
would love for a Dom to just be
in fucking charge of? Now, is it the
mundane shit? Take your medication,
go to bed on time,
Less screen time. Yeah. Sometimes it is. Sometimes
it's that shit that we know we're supposed
to do, but we can't make ourselves do
it. Well, maybe
if it appeals to you and a partner,
your dom can do that for you. Those
kinds of things
you know they're kinky. You know you're doing
them because you're the dom or you're the
sub and the only reason you're allowing this
is because it's a power exchange. Nobody else
knows that.
If somebody happens to see it in public
or you're in a public space, you just
have to frame it in a way that
either somebody kinda goes, oh, that's different, or
they go, oh, that's so nice. They're so
sweet. Or don't even give a fuck. Right?
But just you don't want anybody asking uncomfortable
questions. Now for
the folks out there who are like, well,
it shouldn't matter. Now I don't care. And
I just do what I want. I am
very happy for you. But some of us
don't wanna have those conversations with strangers, family
members, children,
coworkers.
Some of us don't. So
we would like to stay under the radar
thinking of this.
Before I move on to the next one,
can you think of any other sort of
subtle,
not noticeable?
I mean, for us there, you know, there's
you walking on a particular side Yes. When
we're out. And got in that was the
most obvious king thing I think we've ever
done in public when I got in trouble
Oh, yeah. When I wasn't. And it was
the closest to bratty I've ever come. Mhmm.
And did did I get moved to the
correct side of JB by my hair? Yes.
I did. Yes. I did.
Was it at, like, an empty parking lot
and we were not being watched? Yes. That
was but that's the thing that's the most
openly, like, dominant you've ever met. And oddly,
you've never done it after that either. No.
No. No. Because I'm not trying to be
out here disobeying these streets. Okay? I was
both mortified and turned on and put in
my place, which is what I fucking needed.
But also, you know what? I was mad
at you at the time because we were
kinda
2020, I think. Maybe 2021.
We were barely going out. When we were
going out, you were not keeping up with
any of our things we do because we're
power exchange
y, and I think I was a little
pissed.
And when you weren't enforcing anything, I was
like,
okay.
One time one time in my submissive life
have I been like that and never again.
Never It's called giving you enough rope.
I guess so. But you know what? After
that, you started,
watching and, like, paying attention to the power
exchanger stuff.
So just saying. Yep.
Okay. So
the subtle under the radar thing, activities and
only means something to you. That's one way.
The other thing that we tend to do,
and it can wrap up into and connect
with these subtle activities,
is we love a good routine, a good
ongoing rule,
and
when
possible, a schedule of things.
Part of this is so that if you
kind of know what's coming and what's supposed
to happen, sometimes you can plan your the
other parts of your life around that. Like,
oh, if I know
at noon every day, I'm supposed to make
this phone call to my dominant partner. That's
the thing that that's the thing I've been
told to do
every Monday. Right?
To the best of your ability, you can
kinda move things around in your life sometimes
to go, yes. I can make that time.
Right? Mhmm. And if you can see something
coming down the line where you can't, you
have hopefully enough
time to go, hey. We're gonna have to
shift this. And you're
doing what you wanna do within your power
exchange.
The dom has the control. The sub is
doing the thing, whatever whatever.
But you're not wondering and waiting for when
the next time you're gonna get to do
a specifically submissive thing or a specifically dominant
thing. You already have a fucking plan. I
love me a good schedule and I love
me a good routine. That you do.
Now that for me is very comforting. Now
some people would rather stab themselves in the
eye with a paperclip than follow a routine.
This might not be applicable to you. They
okay.
But some of us know, even when we
hate routine, I'm not that person, but I
know y'all exist, that we do better with
routine.
It's about finding a routine that you're willing
to do. And,
for anybody who's going, no. Routines are like
20 steps and 10 pages of no. No.
They're not. That's the thing you do in
the morning and the thing you do at
night.
JB called me in, long distance called me
every morning. Mhmm. It was about 6AM.
Yep. Was it 6AM your time? Yeah. Which
meant it was five 5AM.
Yep. 5AM my time. Yep.
And And you were an hour behind. Right.
Time zones are hard. Y'all know how I
am with numbers. Okay.
So that was a thing
we worked in long distance
every day. He was gonna call, and he
was gonna wake me up.
Was it possible that I could have missed
that call? Sure. But I made sure that
my ringer was on in a crazy obnoxious
loud whatever.
I knew I could wake up to that.
So that that was feasible for us. That
was part of our routine. We also knew
at the end of the night,
we were gonna talk and it was probably
gonna be phone sex. Look, it was probably
gonna be phone sex in the morning too,
but it depended on the mood. Right? Right.
By the end of the day, same thing.
But we had those two things that were,
like,
they were a part of our routine. Right.
And they were things that we looked forward
to. And they were things that were done
in my bedroom behind closed doors.
Everyone's
everyone's small, there would be a child in
the bed because long distance, I still had
Mhmm. The oldest was, like,
seven
seven, six seven.
Youngest was, like, two three. So you could
conceivably, I could have a toddler in a
bed. But all that meant was when I
picked up the phone, I was like, you
know, hey. Whatever I would call him that
was not daddy because I was not explaining
that
to my child. I got a kid in
the bed. And it just meant we didn't
talk about the same things that we might
normally. But the routine
Was still there. Was still there. Correct. Now
the routine
is much more boring and way less sex.
The morning routine,
when I finally drag my ass out of
bed,
I make sure that JB has his probiotic
where he needs it. I make his iced
coffee for the day, and I offer, if
he's not already eating breakfast, to make his
breakfast. Mhmm. That's the morning routine. Now there's
other stuff in the day. We I love
a routine. I'll have a routine all day
long. The end of the day routine, now
that's behind closed doors. Nobody can see. Right.
And
it could get loud, but when at times
when we could not make a lot of
extra noise because children were way too close
to our room,
it was getting permission to go to bed,
which actually ties into my third
thing for
doing DS. I mean, nobody else will notice.
But it it was I have to ask
permission to go to bed. And what that
routine looked like is I get the bed
pulled down, I get the pillows in the
way JB wants them.
I get the room kind of like situated.
And I say that I have a vanity,
in the bedroom where I do my skincare
and makeup or whatever, and I have a
chair. And it's my job to make sure
that chair is pushed in. In case JB
gets up in the middle of the night,
he would trip and, like, do a cartwheel
in the fucking bedroom. He is not supposed
to be doing that. That's not gonna work
out. So that's my job. And that is
very mundane stuff,
but I do that every night. Right. And
then and we've talked about this a million
times. This is not new for anybody who's
been here for a minute. I lean over
the fucking bed and I wait to get
permission to go to bed. Yep. Now I
do a lean over because these knees are
not kneeling. That's not happening. Yeah. It's it's
been a it's been a hot minute. We
had to change that up Mhmm. You know,
because of your knees. And,
it actually makes it kinda easier on me
too now with my back.
It we we did not measure it purposely,
but our bed and our with our mattresses
on it are it's like a really good
height for Mhmm. A lot of things that
can happen when you're bent over a bed,
by the way.
So
that that will happen
every fucking day. Those two things, the way
I start my day and the way I
end my day. Now some there might be
some subtle differences. I
crave my routine so much
that even if JB, and this is very
rare, needs to go to bed before I
do, like, he's sick and he's, like, going
to bed at 08:30 and I'm, like, I'm
sorry. I just can't. I don't wanna go
to bed right now. And he's, like, you
don't have to.
He'll get in bed
and be sitting there just to read before
he's ready to go to sleep.
Y'all, I will bend right over his lap
in that bed and be like, I'm sorry.
I'm gonna need future permission. He's like, okay.
Rub the butt.
When it's time you have permission, I come
to bed. And so we still do the
thing even if we have to modify it.
And again, that is if somebody was watching,
if we had an audience that is more
obviously kinky,
but it's behind closed doors and we're not
screaming, and there's not, like,
whips and paddles making a whole bunch of
noise. It's a very quiet moment that Mhmm.
Nobody is clocking unless they're literally got their
ear down at the crack at the bottom
of your door. Right? And if they do,
why what? What? Let's have a conversation about
balance. What the fuck is happening?
So
that's what I mean when I say routine.
It can be if you both want it
to be something where it's wrapped up into,
like,
every hour of the day, there's something you're
doing that's part of the routine.
Or it can be something really simple. First
thing in the morning, last thing at night,
everything in the middle is whatever the day
brings. Right?
That's that's what and and those are things
that me putting out JB's probiotic,
no child is gonna ask me why I'm
giving this man his pill. They're gonna be
like, why don't you put out all the
other pills that he's got?
In my head, that's not the rule. I
do this one. I keep up with this
one. I don't know why it's that one.
He's got a pill thing for all the
others, but that's that's how we worked it
out. It doesn't look like anything. Me asking
if he needs me to make him breakfast
just looks like I'm being a nice human
being.
A lot of the things that you can
do as Dom or sub where other people
are watching literally just make you look like
a caring, kind human being who wants the
best for your partner.
Truly. If you if
you play with the wording you use and
you you are mindful of the activities,
you're just gonna look like, you know, a
fucking hero to somebody who likes your partner
more than they like you. You know, they'll
be like, oh, you're really taking care of
my bestie. Yay. And you're like, oh, yeah.
I'm taking care of your bestie. You'd be
amazed what I'm doing to that ass. Yeah.
But you don't have to say all that.
Final one, unless you have some more you
wanna add to routines, rules. Rules? I have
rules.
That let me do the rules first. Okay.
Rules are really good because
that's not
the rules I follow,
JB is never standing over me while I
follow those rules. No. So nobody's clocking if
I'm following a rule that I agreed to.
But my rules are fairly simple.
Always speak with respect. I just think that
should be a human rule, but, you know,
it works. Always speak with respect.
I walk on a certain side of him.
Do I look sometimes like a crazy person
trying to get to the correct side
of JB? Maybe. But I don't give a
fuck what strangers on a parking lot thing,
so it don't matter.
The permission to go to bed, that's a
rule.
You know, those kinds of things. Like, making
coffee is a rule, but we wrap it
into service. We wrap it into routine. Mhmm.
Those things kinda start to cross over depending
on what they are.
That allows me to do things as a
submissive
even when nothing else is going on
in our power exchange life.
So when it all goes to shit or
we're,
you know,
we're visiting family and and completely out of
our element and have no real privacy,
I can still do these things and they're
meaningful to us. Now
what I will say is I have found
to be important,
your mileage may vary,
is if I have to do a lot
of really subtle things because we're spending a
lot of time in front of family or
friends or some professional whatever whatever. And I'm
doing all the stuff that I just know
I'm supposed to do, and I don't I'm
not getting any direct,
hey, baby girl. Do this kind of stuff.
What I need
from JB
is to acknowledge those things when we're in
private, when we are alone, to to let
me know that he knows I'm doing what
I'm supposed to be doing. Because I can
go a long time and just do what
I'm supposed to do as a submissive, the
things I agreed to do with little to
no acknowledgment. I can. And I have. Sometimes
you just have to. But do I do
a whole hell of a lot better if
JB makes the extra effort to go, I
see you. I see what you're doing. You're
doing good. I'm proud of you. Whatever. Whatever.
Whatever. Yeah. Because then I know I'm not
just out there doing it all my lonesome,
and my my Dom is just doing whatever
the daddy's on vacation.
Kayla's over here, like, grinding. You know?
So that is one of the, I think,
potentially
challenge
potential challenges of the kind of power exchange
that you put on a routine that's just
an ongoing rule that does not require direct
oversight
all the time
is that it can be unintentionally
taken for granted.
It can be,
assumed that it will happen and then so
then there's very little acknowledgment. So to the
doms out there,
to whatever capacity
partner needs,
acknowledge the things that, yeah, they're supposed to
be doing anyway because it it can make
a difference. I will feel a lot more
submissive not while I'm following the rule, but
when at some random point that I didn't,
you know, didn't know was coming, JB goes,
good job. I saw that.
Oh. Oh, get me right in the subby
field. He's still a little subby hard. Oh
my god.
Because look, the praise kink is strong.
I want I want I want to hear
that I'm doing good. The validation
gives me life. You know? So
okay. So the final one Mhmm. And this
is very
this will be
how do I put this?
Location
and audience dependent. And these are some things
that have gotten us through.
And it's small points of connection.
That don't mean anything to anybody but you
and or you can do behind a closed
door. K? And quietly.
Our constant point of connection, no matter what
the hell is going on, is not that
I ask permission to go to bed. It's
how that happens.
Assed out y'all. Just
and y'all know me. I'm probably wiggling it
because by my standing still, I cannot.
I will entice you with this jiggle. Okay?
The junk in the trunk is jiggling. Please
come touch it is what I'm begging for.
And JV
will touch my ass. Now sometimes,
it's just a butt rub because he's tired
because there's somebody outside the hallway because we're
in a place with thin walls and we
don't want smack sounds.
Sometimes he'll smack my ass because we have
the luxury of it because,
we're not worried about noise. Whatever whatever.
But we have that point
every day. Right. You wanna see me get
cranky? You wanna see me,
like, have my little stubby feelings hurt?
Let me miss that point of connection. It
doesn't
And it even goes a little bit further
beyond that because after that, when I give
her permission to go to bed Mhmm.
We both like to read in bed. Mhmm.
Okay?
So once settled in, you know, she'll pick
up her book, I'll be reading my book.
But then once the books get put down
Mhmm. And it's time for bed,
we always have
a little banter.
If you're awake enough for it. If I'm
awake enough. Most more than not, I am.
But
anyway, you know, we we have a little
banter that that we go back and forth
with. And,
you know, there there's nothing really inherently
power dynamic y about it. Right. But you
know what? Some of those moments that we've
had like that, I have laughed the hardest.
Oh, my god. Laughed until it was sick
to my stomach. Yeah.
Yeah. You you know? And,
you know, it it's important to have the
DS connection, but also that
just
general connection. Mhmm.
And I you know,
does our parks is it a specific part
of our power exchange? No. But the way
we live our power exchange life Mhmm. If
anybody recalls the episode a few weeks ago
on twenty four seven and total power exchange
and the differences and the similarities. Right? Part
of the reason we call ourselves twenty four
seven is because
in nearly every interaction, that is definitely a
daddy domino. This is definitely a baby girl.
And that's the energy we're bringing.
Now so what that means is I get
the fucking zoomies, y'all. There's banter, but I
am zoomie ing. Okay? Oh, yeah.
And JB is Those bedtime zoomies are very
real.
Yeah. You think that I either, like, had
an energy drink or took a drug of
some sort. I don't know what comes over
me, but there we are.
And JB uses the the power and control
and authority that I grant him to calm
me the fuck down. Right? So
even if it's not a specific kinky power
exchange moment, the conversation has nothing to do
with that. I'm not asking for permission. I'm
not following a rule. We are just
existing
with one another.
The energy is still there. And I think
sometimes,
especially if you're going through like we did
and we got a secondary series we're doing
this year about reconnecting in our fire exchange.
You know, when you have to go through
these sort of droughts of not being able
to, like, really feel your power change and
express it deeply and live it deeply,
the small points of connection
Are big. Are big. They will keep you
going. But also, they don't have to again,
they don't have to look like anything from
the outside. Do do the do our children
think we are crazy? Because they have heard
us laugh
hysterically
for many nights over, like, when the 19
year old was still living at home, 15
year old yeah. They would probably think, oh
my god. My mother is
insane,
but she's laughing. So okay. Like, I got
protective kids. So that's sweet too. But,
you know, we know that we're feeding each
other's
daddy dom baby girl energy. Right?
We know that we're having this intimate moment.
We're not screaming our conversation. So if it
does get kinky, nobody can hear that, but
people can can hear us. I mean, I
I've we've both gone, oh my god. Oh
my god. My stomach hurts so bad. Oh
my god. I can't stop laughing. And then
I get to do the, oh my god.
I'm about to PM myself. If you know,
you know on that one.
And
so some of those things are going to
be meaningful to your power exchange
and not be explicitly
power exchange y. But Right. If you have
the type of power exchange with a partner
where
the Dom
has, like, a voice, a tone, and energy.
Right? And you as this must have have
a tone of voice and energy that you
feel comfortable
and you're, like, being around other people and
maybe speaking that way,
you can have the most innocent sounding you
can talk about going to the grocery store
tomorrow for all I fucking care, but if
you bring that energy
to that very small conversation that might last
forty five seconds, you can have this whole
moment. And nobody knows what the fuck's going
on other than y'all are crazy people who
can't stop laughing
at nothing, and you're having
a wonderful time. Mhmm. Or maybe you're not
laughing. Maybe it's this flirtatious thing. Maybe it's
serious.
But internally,
you're each feeling
your power exchange
within within that conversation that nobody is, like,
in on.
Are there ways to flirt and to bring
your energy
where where people can see? Yes. I am
an awkward human being, and I don't know
how that works. So, also, I don't like
to be perceived in public like that. So
I don't do that. But if you can
do it and it works,
I think that's great. But those small points
of connection, whether they're through physical touch or
it's energy or it's a conversation
or it's, you know,
one that JB has started doing more and
more. I fucking love it. Oh my god.
My little baby girl heart cannot we'll be
walking somewhere and he'll just put his hand
out. And I know what the fuck that
means. Follow me. Take my hand. I got
you. And I'm like, sometimes I'm a little
too far behind. I gotta run and catch
up and then look. I'm not being subtle.
Then I'm very excited. But sometimes I just
put my hand out. And all we're doing
is holding hands in public.
And we understand that we have a privilege
with that. There's there's not a community out
there that's gonna look at us weird for
fucking holding hands in public.
But,
you know,
we can have that and they're
they don't look like shit other than, oh,
that guy likes her and they're holding hands.
No. My dom just said, get your ass
up here. Let me let me protect you.
Let me guide you. That's what the fuck
it meant. But it looks like we're holding
hands. Yeah. But you know the the the
point of connection that there's there's so many
things. You know, every morning
I get up
and before we go to bed,
she sets up my coffee pods. All I
have to do is push the button, turn
it on, and and let it do its
thing.
So,
you know, every morning when I get up,
I'm making coffee,
but there is that
connection to you.
Which is why I nearly cry on the
rare occasions that somehow gets forgotten by both
of us. Just sail right on past them.
Like, but I didn't do much. But but
even even beyond that,
you know, we
early on, one of the things we used
to do is we used to go out
for coffee
in the evening at least once a week.
Yeah. Those are the days. Yep.
You know, we don't do that as often
anymore. Neither one is drink as much coffee
and
other Shit's expensive. And it's expensive as hell
now.
But, you know, sometimes what we'll do, we'll
just get in the car together and drive,
go to the park, sit in the park.
We have had many a conversation sitting in
the car with the car running. Yes. We're
killing the environment we know, but it's hot.
It's Florida. Yeah. And we did not get
out of the vehicle. No. But we just
had, like, thirty minute, forty five minute conversation.
Especially during COVID times when things were closed
or there was a lot of social distancing.
We wanted to get out away from being
parents for five seconds, and we would just
go somewhere and sit in the car and
talk. Yeah. And and, you know, it it
seems like a small thing in some ways,
but, you know, you you understand this.
We
are married.
We have a house together. We have kids.
Business. And our house is also
part of our business.
You know? Yep. So so when we're home,
per se,
we are always on. Mhmm.
So sometimes stepping away from all that and
getting in the car and just going for
a drive
is is such a nice way to kinda
put that
to the side and connect them in other
ways. And sometimes we go to have those
conversations and they are absolutely about our power
exchange. They're they're either about the power exchange
or I'm following rules. I'm asking questions. JB
is telling me that whatever whatever. Yes. Sometimes.
But
sometimes it's I go back to it's the
energy. He is always daddy. I am always
baby girl, and that comes out in a
lot of different ways.
And so if we can have a relaxed
conversation, which
anybody with a hectic life, for whatever reason,
knows that is not always easy to do
with a partner. Right? So when we can
take those moments and just have it just
be a little quiet, we just spend the
time together. We'll have we both love
a comfortable silence. I know by hearing my
voice, you don't think that's possible, but, actually
It's very true. I don't need to feel
fill all silences, just the ones where I've
got a microphone in front of me. Okay?
I actually can go a very long time
without talking. It's kind of weird. Mhmm.
But,
so sometimes we're just existing together. Yeah. And
sometimes we're having conversations about mundane things,
but
we will depending on the mood, depending on
the topic,
that feeling of I am submissive.
He is dominant. He is in charge. I'm
gonna defer to him. That will come through
in those conversations no matter what they're about.
And
if you either don't worry about a tone
shift or or you're really good at code
switching,
or just
saying the words
mean more than the tone between you and
a partner, you can do this in public
if you're talking about mundane things. Right?
I am finally at an age where I
don't give a fuck if a stranger looks
at me funny because I get a little
giggly while talking to JB in public.
I'm not gonna go full on have my
fucking zoomies, like,
like, full baby girl, like, somebody
give her a sedative baby girl. I'm not
I'm not gonna do that in public, but
I'll giggle. I'll be a little flirty. I'll
be a little I'll let my voice soften
as long as I'm not shouting and, like,
drawing attention. Right? So if you either have
the comfort level to let your tone
come out or you can the word you
can make put the meaning in the words
and skip the tone, you can have that
in public.
You know? You gotta have a little bit
of a, I don't give a fuck attitude
because sometimes you'll say things in a way
or with a tone that a stranger's gonna
be like, what the fuck are they doing?
Why do you care? You're gonna forget I
exist the moment you leave this fucking building.
It doesn't matter. Mhmm. That kind of attention,
I don't think most of us need to
worry about drawing to ourselves because that is
just a nosy person
who
doesn't know and got an opinion. Whatever. Right.
Now if we were loudly screaming about our
next spanking scene in the middle of fucking
Starbucks,
that's different. And I personally don't think that's
a good idea. Please don't do that. But
if we're talking about the grocery store and
JB teases me and I get a little,
like, I get a little silly and giggly,
Fine. When we're talking about hard things or
we're having more serious conversation. If I get
a little pouty, if I get a little,
I don't know if I'm capable of whining
in public or I think other people can
hear me. That's my childhood trauma speaking more
than anything.
But you know, again, the energy, if you
are in tune with and have and go,
yes, I know what my sickness of energy
is. I know what my dom energy is.
I know what that feels like and how
that comes out verbally and body language.
Again, unless you are forcing people to their
knees in front of you in the grocery
store. Don't do that.
You can bring that out and have these
little intimate moments
and nobody's gonna know. JB always pushes the
grocery cart. One, I don't think he trusts
me not to hit his ankles, but that's
that's smart. That's wise. That's wise. I last
time I went to the grocery store with
my mother.
Got her ankle.
It's wise, but it's also a control thing.
Right? And if I'm feeling a little
playful, I might say something.
Daddy dom energy comes right the fuck out.
And he's and all he's doing is telling
me that he will push the cart. Thank
you very much.
Nobody knows what the fuck that means to
us but us. Right? It's it's those things.
It's those moments.
I'm probably beating a dead horse. I've certainly
made my point, but I have an irrational
fear of being misunderstood. So that's fine. We're
not being clear.
Anything else you would add to that?
So let's talk real quickly.
Yes. I'm capable of it.
Of the benefits of this. Now this will
not be for everybody. Some people want bedroom
only, fuckery
only,
and or they only want it behind closed
doors even if it is more subtle or
it's not
overtly air quote that because what the fuck
does this even mean, overtly kinky. Right? Some
people just want that and that that's fine.
There's nothing wrong with it. That is legit.
That's valid. Some people are only gonna show
that side of themselves
at a party, at the dungeon. That's that's
all fine. That is all fine.
I think about
the way we are, where if we waited
so we could have a private moment where
we could be as loud as we wanted
behind closed doors,
y'all, we wouldn't have gotten kinky for the
past, like, five or six years. I just
We'd we'd still be waiting.
And for us,
our roles are not something we do. They
are a part of who we are. So
it feels a little bit
easier to just sort of incorporate
things into our daily life. If that resonates
Yeah. Then this part where we talk about
the benefits and and doing these things, and
this is for y'all. That that's who we're
talking to. You do not have to do
this. If this is not if this is
not your thing, fucking ignore it and skip
it. But if you're like, god, we never
I never feel like my sub self. I
never feel like my dom self. Or you're
a switch and you're like, well, I always
feel like this side. I never get to
feel like that side. This is what these
kinds of things, these subtle,
not noticeable
ways of being in your power extreme self.
That's what this is for. For those times
when you just you're never gonna get the
fuckery.
Not never, but it'll be a hot minute.
Right? Raising small humans, you know.
Caregiving
for older adults,
you fucking know.
Yep. Chronic illness,
injury, like
Any number of things. Anything. Right? I mean,
we we did not necessarily
set out to do that
with any intent,
but it just kind of
worked out that way that a lot of
the the routines and rules that we have
that even when life does
rear its ugly head and intervene,
we can fall back on those routines
at the very least and keep that much
going. Right. And what we learn, and we've
been talking about,
on and off in 2025,
is that it keeps you going,
but I don't think it can be a
forever thing. It could it kept us going
through
COVID
where then we had children at home all
day every day.
It kept us going through some
stressful financial times. It kept us going through
caregiving
for a, a dying family member. It
it got us through multiple
vehicular
accidents
Mhmm. In this family. Yep.
But it's not to for us, it's not
sustainable
for too long. We were
we got so disconnected from one another from
shut because the routine went from routine to
rut. The,
I call it autopilot, being able to just
do the things we agreed to do. We
still were open to negotiating. If something had
stopped working,
I could have said to JB, hey. I
need to renegotiate this. He could have come
in and gone, hey. Let's renegotiate this. We
were very comfortable in the things we chose
partly because
there was not a lot of effort on
anybody's part for it.
We it had we'd done it so long.
It was just like a thing we
did, but also it was just a a
routine part of the day. It just flowed.
It wasn't an extra thing. There was not
a lot of friction. It was not like,
oh, we wanna play with the vlogger and
this paddle and get the the gag out
and do and there'll be you'll you'll kneel
for all of thirty seconds, Kayla. I promise
I'll get you up afterwards, but let's try
the rest.
Those took effort, time, energy,
and
feeling like we could be that free. I
have not screamed through an orgasm in a
hot ass minute. I look forward to the
day when I don't worry about who can
hear me.
I did moan at an orgasm,
recently, and then JB went this is before
we needed the AC all the time. JB
went, our windows are open.
Well, I hope the neighbor enjoyed the show.
I forgot the window was on.
But
it I my point is is those things
are good to be able to go on
autopilot during stressful times, to have the routine
to fall back on when you do not
have the mental energy with each other to
bring the energy we were just talking about
for for those points of connection.
I think they're beneficial. They allow you to
keep living your power exchange at a time
when
so much else has to take precedence. Right?
But I don't think it's sustainable. We did
it for about five years essentially and finally
hit a point where we looked at one
another and went, okay, we've had
this much of the stress relieved from us.
Can we use that energy that we just
gained back to fit to get back to
our power exchange stuff? To figure out what
it looks like now with a college student
and an older teen and, you know, a
different kind of business life and, like, all
these things. Like, let's figure this out. Right?
So
the there's the benefit to doing it and
then there's a downside. You gotta watch yourself.
But
for the people who have lives that
temporarily
is more who I'm thinking of because that's
my experience, where you will not always be
waking up in the middle of the night
with a small child. You will not, sadly,
always be taking care of an older adult
in your life. It's that is sad, but
that is also reality that will not be
forever.
These things will pass and in the meantime,
here are some things you can do that
don't take a little bit of effort in
the setup and in the teaching yourself to
do to remember to do these things and
to build the habit and to build the
routine for yourself.
But then they they you don't have to
think about them as much. Like, you know
to do them and you just do them.
That's where I go back to the acknowledgment.
I can do a whole hell of a
lot of shit on autopilot.
I just need JB to to let me
know that he sees it.
We years ago. I don't even know when.
It might still be in the twenty twenties,
but maybe earlier. You know, we've done the
the episode on gratitude and acknowledgment. And it's
important from both sides of the slash.
I will say,
if you are
focusing on power exchange that nobody else is
gonna notice and it's just meaningful to you
and it's subtle and it's, you know, under
the radar kind of thing, acknowledgment and gratitude
are even more important. Mhmm. Regardless of your
reason for using this kind of power exchange,
whether it's to replace the fucker you can't
get, whether it's to add to because fuckery's
is hard to do. Whatever your reasons are.
Right? Because it feels right and that's the
kind of power exchange you want.
Gratitude and acknowledgement
are a must because
I speak from the service missive
perspective
where I take on too much and then
resentment builds. And that is the thing I've
gotta work on. I know. But the the
quickest way to knock out potential resentment when
I take on extra because that's what we
need and and I want to do those
things. I am agreeing and, you know, consenting
to those things, is when JV sees it
and knows and says, not all the time.
Not like you don't have to gas me
up every fucking five minutes.
But, you know, at the end of a
a long hard week. Now
do I know how to accept that gratitude
and those compliments? No? No. That's another thing
we gotta work on.
But I they are important to Say thank
you, baby girl.
Thank you, darling.
Yeah.
Yeah. I mean, he'll come recently, it wasn't,
specific to power exchange, I don't think. It
was just there had been a lot going
on, and
I just took care of it. Partly, I'm
the household administrator.
I'm the primary parent,
and I'm a service sub. So it can
get fun. JB came up and said, I
just want you to know, I see all
this that you're doing. I'm really appreciative. Like,
he like, he was sincere
and kind like he is. He's not a
bitch like me. He was like, just and
I and I looked at him and went,
who are you talking why are you saying
I don't handle it well? I was like,
I do it because I love y'all. Like,
I was defensive.
That's where his dom
energy has to come out, telling me to
shut the hell up in the nice way.
You know?
So I can tell you that,
acknowledgement and gratitude are important, but I can
also tell you that some of us don't
know how to handle
that. We're
not we're not graceful about
it.
So,
unfortunately,
I we said this earlier. We cannot give
you a a laundry list of items that
you can just do. If you do these
things, you have power exchange that nobody on
those.
It is
remember that whole kink is customizable thing we
talked about last week? Yeah. This is those
times. This is where you look at your
life. You look at your
on each side. You look at what you
can do, what you're willing to do, where
you struggle, where you could use more help,
where for submissives, where you're willing to give
up the control of a thing that you're
struggling over. Look. Look.
I know I struggle to go to bed
at a decent time.
And, yes, as part of our power exchange,
when JB says it's time to go to
bed, it's time to go to bed.
But that was not when I willingly
gave up. When we were long distance
Yeah. No. Mm-mm. Mm-mm. I did not give
that up. Now, I mean, I wanna go
to bed with him. I wanna get my
bedtime zoomies. I wanna, like, cuddle with him
or let my anxiety make me panic about
his eventual,
you know, no longer being on this earth,
but he will. We're going out like Thelma
and Louise. It's
like, I want the so I don't mind,
but there was a point in time I
could not give up that control. Like,
So there are always some things you know
you need guidance on and you're not ready
to
to accept the help. Like, that's fine. But
those are the things you look for. What
are the things that you can subs. What
are the things you can do for a
partner? What are the things you can ask
permission for that you're willing to and they're
willing to grant permission? And then you do
some thinking ahead of time. How what code
word can I use? What how can I
ask this so you'll know what I'm asking?
How can I say this to you so
you'll know I'm telling you to do a
thing? You're gonna have to get creative if
it's not immediately coming to you. But those
are the kinds of things. And then whatever
you can do behind closed doors that nobody
can fucking hear,
Absolutely.
That's that's the thing.
Like, that's the little bit of fuckery we
get that I that keeps us going.
So
I'm gonna try not to I'll go you
one of them. Please don't do that. That's
that's that's what I have. Do you have
anything you wanna add? I've talked so much.
My voice is going. I I think you
you,
you did a fine job. Thank you, daddy.
We will do do a bonus section. Yep.
But I know
we have to say the thing and do
the thing and We do have to say
the whole thing. We do. But we do
this differently now, so I don't know how
to do it. Are we ready, baby girl?
Sure.
Keep it kinky, y'all. And we'll see you
next week.
Did your button work?
Yeah. Okay. Cool.
Okay. Natalie, can I talk to the crickets?
Can you talk to can we talk to
the crickets? Can we talk to the crickets?
Sure. We can talk to the crickets. Okay.
Which thing do you wanna complain about first?
We're keeping our senses of humor over here.
Come on a journey. Oh my god.
Oh my god. Come on a journey.
So yesterday,
I I noticed that,
some spots in the lawn was getting very
brown and dry. We're we're in that season
where we're preheating.
Mhmm. And and for Florida, we do not
get April showers. No. From from this point,
we don't get showers really until June
when the rainy season starts.
So anyway, I I dove in to kinda
try and figure out what was going on
with the with that particular zone.
And and I found the problem. One of
the the sprinkler heads
had dry rotted with age. And it wasn't
even that old. And it wasn't even that
old. We replaced that particular one five years
ago.
So
I told you I need to run to
the hardware store and get
get a part to fix that, and get
that,
you know, fixed up. So I hop in
the car,
and I head down the road. And I'm
about halfway
to the hardware store,
and cars started acting very very funny,
and not in ways that cars should act.
Right. And they're normal.
So I was like, okay,
I hope I can just at least get
to the
parking lot.
Get to the parking lot,
pull over for a minute, and I'm trying
to figure out what to do.
And then check engine light comes on.
So I had two choices.
Call tow truck
or take chance to get it closer
At least get it closer. Closer to the
shop. And I I I, you know,
took into consideration how a car was running
and and
whatnot.
And I was like, I can do it.
And I did. I got the car there,
dropped it off, and,
they're so packed, it's going to be several
days Before they can even look at it.
Before they can even look at it.
Yeah. Because everybody's like us. We're keeping our
damn car, so we're not spending way too
much fucking money on Yeah.
So
then I had to get an Uber home.
Had we have done Ubers before. Mhmm. When
we went to London A Million Years ago.
Oh, yeah. Outside of that, had you ever
done No. Not on not on my own.
Me neither.
Me neither. I still haven't done it on
my own. The Lyft we got this morning
to go pick up the, rental car.
Yeah.
We were together. Yeah.
So,
yeah. That so the car
is in the shop,
undetermined what is wrong with it as of
yet, and
what
we will, you know So there's don't know
what's wrong with it. Right. The let's back
up. Don't know when it'll get looked at.
Don't know what's wrong with it. Mhmm. Don't
know
what
the wrong will cost to fix
and how long it will
take.
And and
it's our only vehicle,
that, like, around town. Does JB have his
Can Am? Yes. Am I
mentally prepared to ride on the back of
it? No. Can we strap the 15 year
old behind me and all three of us
go down like, you know, Greenacres or whatever?
No. So
so,
yeah. It's an unknown. Mhmm. So,
And yeah. So yeah. So, you know, then
we had to think, okay. Well, we've got
stuff going on. There's things you have to
do
at the end of the week.
So we ended up we we rented a
car for a few days.
And I think part of the reason it
was a fairly reasonable cost because we Mhmm.
Picked it up Wednesday. We'll drop it off
Saturday.
Mhmm. We have to get all of our
errands done before 9AM on Saturday Yep. Because
we're gonna go without a car for the
weekend. Mhmm. Reason being, it tends to be
more expensive
to rent on the weekend. So we got
a very reasonable price from budget. Mhmm.
Y'all know our price shop.
Best price. Yeah. We then I used to
be nervous about this because I'm I'm one
of those, but anything can happen in life,
and I don't wanna be fucked over. But
did I
pay in advance
for, like, a $25
discount? Yeah. The fuck I did. And me
who yeah. I know. I'm submissive. I have
control issues because it's an anxiety thing. Did
I, with JB's
agreement,
choose the mystery car option where they tell
you what you can expect from the vehicle?
It'll have four doors. It'll hold this maybe
Maybe it won't ever be in your favor.
But what kind you get? You don't know.
But it was the cheapest.
A hundred and $15
for Wednesday, Thursday, Friday
till 9AM Saturday? Okay. Okay.
Now was it a hundred and 35 by
the time you added on taxes and shit?
Yes. But But still. Still, it was a
really good price
comparatively.
So
then I was like,
I've never heard I mean, we've used Uber,
like, when we've gone to London or whatever
because the the
where are they? The the taxis or whatever
used to be this is a million years
ago. Used to be much more expensive, so
Uber was the cheap option. Yeah. But I
had not heard a lot
good about Uber in the years since. So
I'm like, let's check out Lyft. And then
I we did a price comparison there. Mhmm.
Lyft was $10 cheaper, you said. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. And on a couple types of rides,
it would have been, like, $30 cheaper. Not
that we would have selected that ride, but
you know what I mean? Yeah. So Mhmm.
Yeah. Didn't did my first ever Lyft. I'd
only ever done Uber.
Grateful
for the human who picked us up. Mhmm.
Clean car. Yep. Didn't scare me as a
driver. Nope. And beyond greeting us when we
got in the car, left us the fuck
alone. Yeah. I was like, awesome. Mhmm.
So yeah. Yeah. That that was but there
was before, we have not settled it. And
I'm not going into details because that part
is, like, still, like, private stuff boundaries.
But, Jimmy, you're supposed to have a a
procedure done Yes. Doctor's
office. An important one. We can we don't
need we should not skip this one. Mhmm.
We should not skip this one. They call
and go, hey.
Great news. Your insurance Insurance approved it. Approved
it. But
your co pay
is blah blah blah, and I about fell
on the floor. And then and and that
will not be the only test he's supposed
to have No. The procedure or whatever within
the same month, within the same, I think,
week. I think the other one's a a
couple days after, and we hadn't heard about
the cost of that one yet. Nope.
Yeah. This is
while
now we have the mystery car and depending
or not mystery car. We have the mystery
problem with the car. We don't know the
time or the cost. So we don't know
how long we're gonna need to rent a
car or how often we're gonna need to
rent a car.
That's fine.
And I was reminded because we we try
not to use credit cards too much because
part of our financial problems were because
somebody take our credit card. And we have
learned that we do better. You learn better.
You do better. Okay. But what I've mistakes.
What I've forgot,
because it's been years since I had to
think about it, is if you pay for
your
rental with a debit card,
they take a fucking deposit. And I'm like,
wait. Wait. It's it's a bank account. It's
a debit card. If I'm not using a
credit card, you it's probably easy to assume
that I got some cash in the bank,
but you can't have all my cash. So
you took my payment, and you're holding $250.
I was like, I guess I need to
get the credit card back out for this
next one because I don't want them holding
$250
every fucking week.
Anyway,
so
I have,
a procedure
Friday Yeah. That I cannot miss. That is
not one. I might have to reschedule because
the other place
is being weird about getting my records to
me so I can give them to this
place.
We don't know how much that one's gonna
cost, and I have not been brave enough
to go look at my benefits thing for
our insurance and see what the company is.
I'm like, no.
Just let them bill me, and then I'll
call and go, can I have a payment
plan? Alright.
Yeah.
Yeah. So But you know what? You know
what? We are keeping our good humor about
it. We are.
Everything is figureoutable.
Mhmm. Not everything is easy, but everything is
figureoutable.
So we will figure it out, and we
will keep our humor.
You know what? If this had happened six
months ago, I think JB would be curled
up on the floor rocking in the fetal
position.
I don't think his mental health could have
handled it.
I
would've just run
screaming into the dark night. I don't know.
I just but we're here now, and we're
Mhmm.
Yeah. We're
It is what it is. That's true. And
we're not, like, freaking out. Nope.
I mean, we will once we they start
talking real numbers. Oh,
yeah. Because, you know, hopefully, it's a Or
or the your numbers and my numbers
come together and
yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. But,
you know, we're
yeah. But
so we got the rental car
specifically today.
Mhmm. Because tonight, day of recording for anybody
listening later watching later,
the 19 year old has his final performance
of his sophomore year of college. What Yeah.
What the actual fuck it's the last today,
the twenty third is the last day of
classes.
Tonight will be literally the last thing he
has to do, like, to earn a grade
except for finals week. And I think he
only has, like, one thing he has to
do for that. It's an important thing. It's
a are you allowed to to keep being
a major
to have this as your major thing? He
has to he has to do well. It's
stressful and important. But
yeah. Somehow they're at the end of the
fucking college school year. Mhmm.
Yeah.
So yeah.
Oh, and our mystery car?
I I don't know if it was pre
determined
or the guy at budget have the choice
of, like, a couple and chose this.
He looked at us and we look ex
if you can see us, we look exactly
how we look in front of this camera.
My hair is back in a ponytail. You
can see all my white hair, very little
of the three strands of brown hair I
have left. JB,
to me, does not look old, but he
is older. Right? Like, we are older. I'm
not gonna pretend otherwise.
And this guy at this counter looked at
us and went, you know what? That red
Honda Civic out there Cherry red.
With the or
I don't know if they're matte black
or or they're shiny black, but the black
rims
tires,
that's the car for them.
I mean, it's it's a nice sporty little
car.
It is lower to the ground than our
Corolla.
Yeah. But it's nicer.
Comfortable. Drive rides nice. Drives nice. Yeah. But
I was like, what what about us in
the spot? I mean, maybe it was predetermined.
It's fine. But, also, if you had choices.
Really?
This this this bright red Honda Civic?
Well, you know what? Okay. Okay. You know,
next door.
She's
I believe she's older than me. Oh, yeah.
She looks it. I mean And
she drives a Civic. Yeah. But it don't
look like that. No. It doesn't. This thing's
on the outside, like, the the detailing is
black, and everything else is red.
Like, it's a sporty
Civic. Yeah. It is. It is. It's a
like, I could see the 19 year old
driving this thing. Yeah. Yeah. I could see
a 22 year old driving this thing. Mhmm.
I could see somebody who wishes they were
still 22 driving this thing.
Watching poor JB have to basically roll out
of the fucking thing because it's so much
it's lower to the ground even than the
Corolla.
Yeah. It's moments like that. I miss the
RAV.
Look. And I
I know I'm a snob about this. I'm
not a fan of minivans.
Nope. Nothing about it has ever appealed to
me.
I was fortunate to have indoor cats for
children.
The biggest thing I ever had to haul
for anybody was a musical instrument and I
never had to do it at the same
time. No interest in or love for minivans.
And that was my fear
that they would hand us keys to a
minivan again because we've had to rent a
minivan before. Yeah.
And
I hate to say,
as cute and sporty I love a sporty
car. As cute and sporty as Civic is
I kinda wishing they looked at us and
went, these people need a minivan.
Or at least an SUV.
So But yeah. I mean, maybe maybe I
mean, there was never a discernible expression of
emotion on this person's face, the counter.
I would tell you he looked bored Yeah.
At 09:00 in the morning already at the
budget. I mean, that's it's gonna be a
long day if you're already bored.
So I don't know. But I just
there's a part of me that's tickled that
he probably looked at us and went, these
people need some fun in their lives, clearly.
Right.
They look old and boring.
Here is a bright red car.
That's very sporty. Oh, boy.
I mean, we we know how to have
fun. We just don't do it in front
of y'all. I mean,
I'll take looking like a boring old lady
from my fuckery behind closed doors. I don't
need a red
sporty Honda Civic
to excite me. Silent. No. It it does
not have a
hilariously oversized spoiler. Thank god. Yeah. Yeah. If
I could've handled that. Yep.
Don't think I could and, yeah, we are
oh my god. We
I got the keys to the Civic, and
they were like, okay. We have to go
to the post office, and we have to
go to the pharmacy.
Yeah. Yeah. That's why why we needed our
sporty little Honda Civic.
Mhmm.
But Anyhoo.
Anyway, so it's as always,
been a hot mess.
Mhmm. We are in good humor about it
all. Yeah.
I
will I need to sell a kidney to
get us through medical procedures and car issues?
Maybe. Maybe.
I mean, there are I don't yeah. I
was very happy to have my partial hysterectomy
and then one, never have a period again.
And then two, never have to worry about
having
accidentally having children again. But there are times
I wish I was younger
and had, like,
a working uterus. So I could I'll be
like, how much you pay me to be
a surrogate?
I can use the cash. I don't. I
wouldn't. I really wouldn't. I hated being pregnant.
I was
I was not a pretty
or cute or happy pregnant person. I was
I didn't have hard pregnancies. I had pretty
easy pregnancies, but I
I hated
everything except when I would get kicked when
they were big enough. But then
I had midnight soccer players apparently because that's
what so I hated being pregnant. But sometimes
I'm like, you know, that whole surrogacy thing
for $10.20 grand. I mean,
if I had functioning parts
and my eggs were not geriatric,
a bitch could be convinced.
So
anyway.
Anyhoo.
So here we are. Yep.
So, we probably should let these folks go
about their day, evening, morning, whatever. Yes. Mhmm.
What will we be doing? Crashing and trying
to take a nap before we Yeah. Go
to the performance tonight. Mhmm. That's fine. Yeah.
Okay. Okay. I guess we can be done.
We can. Mhmm. Okay. Thanks for listening. Thanks
for being here with us. Especially to the
bitter end. Mhmm. Okay. Alright.
Bye. Bye.