You're listening to the Loving BDSM podcast episode
four thirty seven. Kayla Lords here with the
one, the only,
the oh, don't you're giving me a grumpy
daddy look, but I didn't think you were
in a grumpy daddy mood. John Brownstone. I
got t shirt. Pruwit. I know. I know
you were a grumpy daddy and all you
got was the damn t shirt. Right.
I don't think we're talking about a grumpy
daddy today, but you never know.
This week, we're actually starting a new series
on the podcast, about making power exchange work
in the real world
based on the session we did for the
2025, that's this year as of recordings, Dom
Sub Dynamics Virtual Summit,
because
y'all have to know we had way more
we could say,
other than within the thirty minutes we were
given. So we're gonna start with my personal
new favorite phrase, turn it into a drinking
game if you're feeling brave.
Kink is customizable,
which simply means that there's no single true
or right way to do it.
You make it make it work for you,
not make you work for it. Right. Right.
Yeah. So that's what we're talking about. Mhmm.
Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this
is your first time listening, glad to have
you. If you're back for another week, welcome
back. Loving BDSM is produced every Monday and
Friday for your kinky pleasure in education, and
show notes are found at lovingBDSM.net.
Come back often and feel free to add
the podcast to your favorite podcast app. You
can also follow the show on FetLife at
loving BDSM PC
on Instagram and, technically, threads at that handle
I will forever
fucking hate
for reasons,
good reasons. Anyway, it's loving d s and
the number one, so at loving d s
one, on blue sky at lovingBDSM.
Blah blah blah blah or
on YouTube
at youtube.com/lovingBDSM,
where you can watch us live from the
podcast every Wednesday. All links are in the
show notes. Okay. Before we get into the
topic, couple of announcements fairly quick. One, this
Friday don't ask me what the date is.
Eighteenth? Is April 18? Today is the sixth.
No. Not today. This Friday is that April
18? Okay. Thank you.
It's Friday night livestream
on YouTube from 09:30,
PM Eastern to 11PM
Eastern. Yes. It used to go longer. We're
older.
No. We're not doing it any sooner because
that means
stuff does not get done like we need
around our house. And also, we're still doing
an extra long stream and part of the
reason we're tired is that was an extra
long stream.
Fair. Okay.
Have I have I made you wanna come
to it now or did I completely put
you off? Anyway,
yeah. YouTube,
Friday.
I believe that is April 18, '9 '30
PM eastern. Come join us. Starting at 10:00,
we'll do a q and a. If you're
like, that is after my bedtime or you're
an international person who's like, I am asleep.
That's like 2AM for me. The video playback
is available if you are interested. I have
been told we are great background noise for
cleaning your house. Mhmm. So
maybe you can't watch live. Maybe you watch
the next day and get your house cleaned.
I wish I could find something that worked
for that. Maybe I would clean more often,
but probably not. The next announcement,
very briefly,
the
this week's episode, the new series that we're
starting, all of it is
inspired by the session we did
for the Dom Sub Dynamics Virtual Summit. That's
a very long title to say 18 times.
Replays of that are available if you were
unable to attend for free and you have
the budget for it. We are not the
only thing there that we are just one
little bit. There were 19 other sessions.
So
link is in the places if you're interested.
Okay.
There. Also, I did wanna say to anybody
who found us through the summit, didn't know
we existed until then. We didn't scare you
off then. We probably came across as a
lot more professional than we do now. Welcome.
Comment on a YouTube video from somebody who
was like, I found you through the summit,
and I'm so glad to be here. And
I'm like, I for keep forgetting to reply
to comments, but when I read them, I
get very happy in jazz hands. So Yep.
Thank you. Okay.
So Okay.
Let's do the thing. Mhmm.
Like a series we did our back to
basics series was last year. What is time?
I don't know. This is one we'll do
a few episodes of, and then we'll probably
just add to the series sporadically
because there's so much to Yeah. It's a
it's a big topic. It's a massive topic.
It is literally the
whole, like, crux of our professional kink.
It is what we do. It's who we
are.
And it's this idea of living
your reality
and, with kink,
instead of trying to, like, twist yourself into
knots
to make your fantasy version in your head
of kink a reality.
I don't know how long ago it was,
but we have done an episode on fantasy
versus reality as it pertains to kink. I
will link that in the places for anybody
who, may be interested.
So but
I think I mostly wanted an excuse
to finally just sort of like elaborate
on the thing that I now say all
the time, which is kink is customizable.
It's personalizable.
It is
I can't think of any other words. I'm
gonna start the drinking game now, I guess.
When I say that and have been saying
that now for a while, what what comes
to your mind?
What comes to my mind?
Mhmm. Any number of things. I mean, you
can There there are so many different ways
you can mix and match. Mhmm. Okay?
Feel like I'm selling something here, you know?
Make mix and match, you know? Pick your
own, Buy one, get one free. Yeah.
And if you act before midnight tonight Gintu
knives. Yeah. For those of you who have
a knife kink is awful.
But I I mean yeah. I mean, there
there's so many ways that you can It's
infinitesimal
infinitesimal? Infinite? What's the word I want? It
pretty much. It's it's, you know,
and and it's very,
personal.
Yes. And I think that's that's the big
thing because
part of the thing about saying kink is
customizable over and over again is for me
and the way my brain operates, it is
the
antidote
to there's
one true way, there's a right way, this
is the way to do kink. Because that's
never true. It is anybody who says there's
this is the right way, this is the
true way,
assuming that they are actually, like, living the
thing they're trying to describe a lot of
people don't. They just try to sell you,
you know, some magic beans.
All they're saying is this is the way
the true way, the way that works for
me in this moment in time.
Because even for that person who is
willing and able to follow whatever the air
quote one true way is, I still don't
know what it is because everybody's got a
different opinion of it. Let's just be real.
Go talk to them a week from now,
six months from now. They're not even living
this anymore, assuming they were in the beginning.
Because it is ever changing, and we've done
the episode on it being a journey, and
there always being something new to learn. The
thing I find interesting about the one true
way thing and
the right way and all that bullshit that
always annoys me,
I understand it because humans do that. They
try to create boxes and they try to,
like, air quote, do the right thing, and
then they can you can you know, the
tribe will let you in and Right. But
the thing is is BDSM is literally about
not conforming. It is literally about going against
societal expectations
and doing taboo things,
and yet too many of us twist ourselves
in the knots to do apparently what other
people expect us to do
in kink. And it's a bit of a
mind fuck. But you know what? When I
when I first came into kink,
into the community,
I think
without labels,
I would have been lost.
Oh, yeah. For sure. It would have been
a lot harder
to
to to find my my footing Mhmm. In
lifestyle
without labels.
Now years down the road are those labels
still important to me? No.
Mhmm. No. And when we talk about the
things that you can customize, labels is definitely
on that list.
I think that
the reminder is if you're gonna make
kink in whatever way you want want to
work for your real life, the real world,
however you wanna
define
that, you have to know that what you're
going to do is create a power exchange,
a dynamic, a relationship, a kink life
that has to fit you in this moment
right now instead of doing that
common but also frustrating thing of twisting yourself
into knots, turning yourself inside out to fit
somebody else's definition
of what somebody once thought thirty years ago
that kink was supposed to be. Right? Like,
that's that's the thing that's going to set
you back every time because some people
will be that's the fan going, it's hot
here. It's Florida.
Some people will be able to follow those
air quote rules. Right? And they'll do fine
until they don't. Something might feel a little
off. Something might feel like it's missing, but
they can make it through until you they
hit a point where it doesn't work anymore.
Now they're like, am I am I the
broken one? Am I the one who doesn't
know how to do kink? But quite frankly,
plenty of other people will either completely reject
that idea of the true way, the right
way, heavy fucking air quotes,
and, you know, think they're somehow doing it
wrong or think maybe kink isn't for them
because they know from the start
that that,
you know,
stereotype or that somebody else's definition doesn't fit
them. Yeah. Well, you know, one of the
most common things I hear
from folks,
well, I'm a masochist, but I don't have
a submissive bone in my body.
Right. Or I'm submissive, and I don't have
a, you know, I'm But I don't like
pain. I'm not a masochist. Yeah. So, you
know, I do I fit in the community?
Do I am I, you know, not really?
And, you know, the answer is, yeah. And
and you do. Right. Exactly. And then, you
know, I think some folks are fortunate that
they find a person who does not prescribe
to
one single way of doing this, and they
can start from that point and eventually kinda
learn the things they needed to learn.
And other people come across other resources where
that is not the case. And then, again,
too many people are real quick to internalize
I'm wrong, I'm doing it wrong because this
arbitrary person who I don't actually know,
they will never have a say over my
life.
Who the fuck are they has told me
I'm doing it wrong?
I know that what we tend to be
for for folks is
you found the one true wayers, the right
way people, the,
all that bullshit. And then you find us.
And first, first, there tends to be anger.
Who is this bitch doing all the talking?
How is she really submissive?
And then it's a little bit of the
stages of grief, then there's some acceptance, maybe
some bargaining in the middle. You know, I'll
watch more if you talk less something.
But I know from getting messages that people
will come across somebody like us, and it's
not just us. Okay? There are plenty of
other kinky people talking about it in the
way we talk about it. And there's just
a sense of relief. Like, oh, I thought
I was all alone here. And I'm like,
no. We're a small group over here in
this corner of the Internet, but come on.
Yeah. We got room.
You're definitely not alone. And we have cookies.
I probably ate the cookie dough before I
could make them into cookies, but sure.
So oh, there's Lola. Before we get into
the actual kink is customizable, let's break that
down a little bit so that you can
have a kink life that works in your
real world.
Let's let Lola in from the backyard.
You're being a diva today, ma'am. Yes. She
is. You're gonna bring your stinky, sweaty dog
self over here, make me smell stinky, sweaty
dog, sweat smell? Okay. So let's go into
the kink is Customizable. I made a list
of things
to consider, but as things come up, if
you're like, oh, let's talk about this, we
shall. So let's start with the thing you
brought up Okay. Recently. Labels and titles. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
The titles, that that's another thing too.
You know, what what do I call my
my person? What do I call my my
big d? What do I call my little
s? Who am I? What what label fits
me? Mhmm.
And and you know what? There again too.
That that is broad.
Yeah. Okay?
You know, from
from,
you know,
sir to
coach to,
you know,
your lordship, you know, and anything.
Anything like that. To literally be a made
up word that only makes sense to you
and your partner. Right.
And that's we've done this episode on labels
and titles. And invariably, every time we get
to this topic, there's somebody who is thinking
to themselves and possibly typing it out as
I speak,
about how they they hate labels. They they
don't wanna use them. That that is also
a choice you get to make. Right? My
thing with labels is it gives us some
common language
to start from. Sure. Some places to,
you know, maybe
a a term or a label
feels right and you go down the the
path of figuring out what that means for
you and in general, sometimes you'll hear something
and immediately reject it. But then later, you'll
learn the concept without the word and realize,
hey. Wait. I thought it meant this. It
can mean that.
We all have to start with a a
place of commonality with language. Right? So words
mean what they mean,
but our interpretations
are our own. It's why
half of y'all will look at me and
call
call me a brat, and
I will meet you in an alley. No.
I'm not. I don't
know how to fight, but I'll figure it
out.
Because that is not a term or a
label that I apply to myself
because I get to choose that. It's also
some people will call themselves
a little and mean one thing, and somebody
else will use that same term and mean
something else. Now part of what you need
to do is kind of try to figure
out the
generally accepted definitions of a term Mhmm. Before
you make them your own, but you get
to do that. Right. And and that and
that that's a good point. Yeah. You, you
know, you see what they they actually how
they relate to you. Mhmm.
But now, you know, let let's,
okay, you know, somebody comes along and says,
well, I'm I'm a service submissive. Mhmm. K.
And and what that means to them is
one thing. Next person that comes along says
they're a service submissive
means something totally different. Absolutely. You know? And
and it goes same thing with the with
the big d's.
Every label. Yeah. Every title. Mhmm. Every phrase.
The thing that we, as folks who are
trying to navigate community, talk to other kinksters,
need to get,
used to doing is sometimes you hear somebody's
title or label and you go, I clock
them. They're like me in some way, and
you move on. And sometimes you're sitting at
the munch and you get into a conversation
about these things. Mhmm. If that opportunity arises
online, in person,
and now we're talking about our identities in
kink. Right?
The labels we use, the titles we use,
how how we identify.
The thing to get used to asking
is what does that look like for you?
What does that mean to you? Yes. Because
that can
often be a huge wake up call of,
oh, we're using the same words, but we
come at this from completely different angles. Right.
And it's all valid. Mhmm. Because
customizing
kink from the words to everything else we're
gonna get into
is based on who you are in this
moment and the life you lead in this
moment Mhmm. And the experiences you've had up
until this moment. And then
so you craft the language for yourself that
works for you right now. Cool thing is
is as you change and life changes and
you get more experiences and you figure more
stuff out about yourself and all of those
things, you get to change the words you
use. K. You know? I was unironically
little one. I have been pet. None of
those work for me now. JB tried out
princess on me today, and I just went,
no.
No. No. I'm I'm I don't know what
I am, but I ain't that.
That that one was not right.
But even, the my my
reason to even bring that up is twelve
years
of a relationship.
How does math work?
Thirteen years? I don't know. Something along those
lines.
Yeah. And he can still throw out a
word for me and go, what do you
think of this one? Look, does this does
this resonate? Right? We can still be shifting
and adjusting and, you know, adding nuance
because we've learned and grown and experienced and
gathered all of this information from the things
we've done and people we've talked to and
all of that. So
yeah. The labels, the titles,
whatever you have today does not you can
use it for the rest of your damn
life. You can also in six months because
that one doesn't work. I wanna do this.
And, yes, you can reject all labels and
titles. You do not have to use them.
They are not required.
And and certainly, here's a little thing to
slide in because some people figure this out
quickly and some people don't.
You don't have to use terms that
stereotypically
align with specific genders.
The sheer amount of femme people I have
seen online who definitely go by daddy, and
I'm like,
that is daddy energy, and I'm here for
it. Right? Mhmm. Like, yes.
Terms
are and can be gendered. Also,
you get get to go, yeah. Yeah. I'm
a film presenting person.
Normally, somebody might say mommy, but I like
daddy better. You get to do that. That
that's it's literally that
personalized and customized.
And as I said before, you also can
just make up words. And I know that
because
in a couple videos ago, a couple episodes
ago,
I talked about, an online resource I'd come
across through Reddit of somebody who had made
these monster lists
of,
titles, honorifics,
you know Mhmm. For both doms and subs,
and monster list. And some are just the
cutest little things. Some I'm like, I don't
think that's technically a word, but who cares?
It is now. We put the letters together
and figured out a pronunciation. Tada. That's how
words are made.
And so I'll link to those in the
places too for anybody who's still looking for
the label or the title or the honorific
that fits you.
So what's the next thing on the list
that's customizable? You're dynamic,
which is your power exchange relationship. Fascinating.
I know. What are your thoughts?
It's like flavors of ice cream.
And there's way more than thirty
one? Thirty three?
Yeah. I I lost count with Baskin Robbins.
I think it was Baskin Robbins that Yeah.
Yeah. I think there used to be 33,
and I guess it's shrinkflation. Now there's 31.
Maybe there's only 28 and a half now.
I don't
know. But but yeah. I I mean, it's
all, you know
yeah. What what do you want it to
be?
I am part of that is and I
think people
I think it's my fellow anxious people and
perfectionist people who'd go through this, but maybe
others do too,
of you knew a little bit about kink
enough to go, hey. I think I want
this dynamic.
You do that dynamic and either immediately or
at some point you go, that doesn't fit.
And too many of us go, I have
failed kink. And then we're the SpongeBob and
Patrick
meme of them running around,
the Krabby Patty in a panic. Right?
Like, actually, no. You learn new things, and
then you get to add that in, and
you get to adjust. And ideally, if you
are a person who
is in a relationship with a person you
would like to continue to be in a
relationship with, they will adapt with you. They
will adjust with you.
My first thought when I think about how
customizable a dynamic is,
it it's almost infinite. There's almost too much
to say about it, but there is just
some broad strokes. So there is the air
quote typical.
I don't even like typical. Yeah. The
stereotype, the comp I don't know, of it's
a long term relationship.
It's probably romantic. It's probably sexual,
assuming both partners,
you know, want and have sex with each
other. And Dom Sub, and it's, like,
fairly defined. And and even from the outside
looking in, most people will go, I I
think I know what that relationship
is. That is
so just mine. Of course, there are switches.
And one of you can be a switch
and both of you can be switches.
I have not come across it a lot,
but I know it exists. Both of you
can be doms. Both of you can be
subs. Now will you have challenges?
Of course you will. Will you hopefully figure
it out? We hope
so. But there's also not all power exchange.
Assuming you even want power exchange has to
be romantic. It doesn't have to be god,
please. It does not have to be sexual.
If it had to be sexual,
there was a very long period of time
there, we would have been very dissatisfied.
Mhmm.
Because when neither of us was interested in
sex for both physical reasons and emotional reasons
and stress and anxiety and all the reasons
you might one day want sex and then
the next day not,
we still had kink. We still had kink
things we could do that were
intimate.
And sure, maybe one of us was turned
on in the moment, but
did not lead to did not need to
lead to sex for it to be a
good
time.
You can be a person who is not
in a relationship and you have friends who
are kinky. And you have established dynamics with
them in some way, but it's not your
end all be all. You can be long
distance. God knows we all know that. And
a long distance power exchange is completely
different
in person power exchange
even if it's not romantic and sexual and
you're not planning on getting married one day.
Right? So
there's no, oh, I'm no. I'm kinky. I
know I'm submissive, so I'm supposed to go
find a dom. We're supposed to, you know,
move in together in about six point five
months. And two point two years from now,
we'll be married
and we'll uh-uh. Fuck that. Fuck that. Fuck
that. What?
Let me remind you. Kink is supposed to
fit into the life you have and the
the life you want. You are not supposed
to twist yourself up and burn down your
whole life
to fit some sort of
supposed air quote,
standard big fat fucking air quotes of whatever
you think power exchange is supposed to be
or somebody has told you is the true
way or the one way. It makes me
wanna gag every time.
The thing is is I don't even have
enough imagination
to
give you a million examples of what a
dynamic can look like.
But every time somebody
messages in, DMs, emails, whatever whatever, and they're
like, oh, well, we're only doing it this
way. And I, you know, I taught my
partner, but they, you know, submit in the
and are we doing it right?
Are you both happy with what you're doing?
Mhmm. You communicate clearly. Yeah. There's clear,
enthusiastic and informed consent, and you've assessed your
risks. Right. You've done it right. Nobody's getting
hurt. Yeah. You've done it right. Because truly,
they're the we say this we've said this
many times before. Let's say it again here.
We used to say there's only two rules
in kink. But I've since personally added a
third, because it does need to be, like,
thought about.
You have to have consent. Mhmm. You have
to communicate as effectively as you can. That
will be a skill you probably have to
learn, so you'll get better at it. And
you have to assess
for risks and mitigate them to the best
of your ability. That I've started sort of
adding on because too many people
think that some kink is, like, has risks,
but not all kink.
All kink. Every part of the kink spectrum,
every little activity you can imagine under the
let that fall under the letters BDSM,
everything
has some level of risk.
Some things will be less risky than others.
The risks will present differently. They're not always
physical harm. They can absolutely be mental and
emotional harm.
Everything in BDSM
carries a risk.
You have to assess for yourself and with
a partner
where your line is of, like, yeah. There's
risk there, but I'm I'm good. We can
move forward. And where your line is, nope.
That's too far for me. Right? We all
have them.
That's how I feel about that. Woah.
Do you
do you agree? I've made up that there's
three year olds. No. I I do agree
with that. I do agree. Sorry. I just
I just made it up on my own.
I did not make up the fact that
you need communication, consent, and rest assessment,
but saying it here. That's three year olds
in that too.
Debbie has walked away. I will wait for
Debbie to get back before we get to
the next thing
that is completely customizable
into a power exchange.
Okay. Sorry. And that is who does what
in the relationship.
So now I'm coming at it from the
perspective of long term living together because
those are the activities I am most intimately
involved with and can think of off the
top of my head. But
the any
way that you're pairing up or more than
pairing up or living your kink life and
the dynamics you choose to have with other
people, this gets expressed in a lot of
different ways. But the example I want
to give here
is that,
yes, I am the submissive in this relationship.
Mhmm. I am a service submissive, which just
means I do a lot of things
for my own, like, personal happiness because it
it makes me happy to do it and
because JB said so, and I agreed to
it.
But there's no standard for what that means.
What that means in practice is JB absolutely
washes laundry and washes dishes and cooks dinner.
Mhmm. I don't take on all domestic chores
because I'm a service sub. No. Right? If
we were trying to raise small children I'm
so glad we're not trying to raise small
children anymore,
we would share that. There is no you're
the fem person, you're the submissive person, whatever.
You have to do these things.
Within your dynamic and within your life with
a relationship with a partner where you're gonna
interact enough that some of one of you
takes on certain tasks and another one of
you takes on other tasks,
that is based on what you're willing to
do, what you consent to.
We do it based on who's got the
skills. And these days, we also add,
who whose brain can handle this task better?
Meaning, if it's too boring and I'm not
getting enough dopamine from it, it's probably not
the task for me to have to do
consistently.
That's why, laundry gets washed on Sundays, but
it's usually not folded till Thursday.
Because I
we knew I couldn't wash the laundry because
I'd walk away and forget it, and we'd
wash it five times before it ever made
it into a dryer. JB was like, I'll
wash the laundry. I can do that. Cool.
He's like, please don't make me fold. Cool.
I can fold. And this was at a
time when my hormone levels were, like, stabilized
and I could remember.
That's no different.
See our past episode on perimenopause.
It'll take me a few days to get
to it. But I do I do it.
We split tasks are not split along. My
point is tasks are not split along your
DOM subline.
No. There's nothing that a DOM automatically does.
There's nothing a sub automatically
Right. And there and there are things that
I defer to you because you have more
knowledge about,
the subject topic than than I do. Out
when you're like, go ahead. Take the lead.
Tell me what we're gonna do. Mhmm.
I will, because I know what I know,
and let's do it right the first fucking
time. But also, it's still weird. But see
and that's the other thing. When we talk
about there's nothing that a Dom's always do
and what subs always do, that is true.
But those conversations
completely leave out switches.
Like, switches out here are like, well, sometimes
I'm Dom and sometimes I'm sub. What would
that even mean if we followed that thinking
that a Dom always does this and a
sub always does that?
Mhmm. For any switches out there who've come
across this thinking, I would be very curious
to know what went on in your brain
when you realize that people absolutely think that's
about our exchanges, and you're over here going,
I know that's not
how this works. Right?
So, yeah, there's no there's no standard in
the roles that you No. Accept for yourself.
You're like, okay. Yes. I'm submissive, and here's
what that means to me. But that doesn't
mean there's this checklist of things you're supposed
to do that every sub does. Right? You
know what I mean? I mean, if if
it was everything was the same, then we'd
all be, like,
Stepford
d s. Oh, god. Kinky Stepfords? Not
would
I watch that movie? Yes.
Would I want to live that life? No.
No. No. You'd have you'd have to sedate
me. I'd have to be drugged for that.
Mhmm. Valium? I don't know. What do they
use? I don't know. I'd have to be
drugged to be a kinky Stepford boy.
But, you know, when people are trying to
figure out their kink life and they're looking
at, air quote, this, your regular life, for
us, our kink life and our, quote, regular
life, it's all one and the same. Other
people differentiate it for themselves and that's fine.
But they're looking at the life they lead,
the job they have,
the responsibilities
they have in their home and outside of
their home, the other relationships they have with
people that not necessarily romantic or sexual, but,
like, that's my mom and I do that.
That's my cousin and I do that. That
whatever. Right?
And
then you turn and look at this power
exchange, this dynamic, this kink light. And I
I do differentiate those things. Some people have
a power exchange, and some people have a
top bottom situation. And some people are just
living their best kinky life, and they're got
multiple partners or they keep it casual. Like,
it's all of that.
Right? They will think, well, I'm
supposed air quotes, supposed to do these things
because I am this label I have given
myself. I identify with this role, submissive, for
an example. But none half those things don't
fit with your life. You either don't have
time for them. You don't have the energy
for them. You usually pay somebody else to
do them for you. And if you do,
I'm very happy for you. Jealous, but happy.
Right? They don't align with your interests. They
aren't things you would ever do for anybody.
Why do you have to do them? You
see what I'm saying? Like, you have this
whole bright colorful life you're hopefully leading.
You go, hey. I'm kinky, and here let
me go figure out what that means to
me.
And then some dumbass on the fucking Internet
try or at a munch, happens both places,
tries to give you some weird laundry list
of, oh, well, you're a sub. This is
what you do.
Fuck that. Let me say the thing that
I say a million times. This is a
great place for it. Whatever your kink life
is, it's a when you you're interacting with
a partner, you're interacting within your role, submissive,
dom, whatever. It's a fucking Venn diagram.
There's stuff you're willing to do. There's the
stuff they're willing to do. And then there's
the the stuff in the center that you're
both like,
yeah. Sure. And there will be stuff that
you'd really like to do that your current
partner is not interested,
now or ever.
Same goes for them. All we're looking for
is what's the common ground.
If you can find the common ground and
build a dynamic
relationship, whatever,
that is satisfying to you, that works for
the life you have and allows you to
grow as a kinkster,
then you can decide for yourself, hey. Do
I wanna learn more? Hey. Do I wanna
explore that thing my partner said they were
interested in but I wasn't interested in? Hey.
Do we wanna bring some of these things
that didn't fit in our original Venn diagram?
Do we wanna expand our Venn diagram?
Or do you, depending on how you're wired,
do you have this Venn diagram
with this partner, partner? And then you got
another partner over here with a completely separate
Venn diagram.
That is how this works. Mhmm. There's not
a kink activity. There's not a domestic activity.
There's not a role based activity that is
standard.
None of it. Mm-mm.
Will
many people fit within commonalities?
Sure. Yeah.
Stereotypes exist for a reason. Cliches exist for
a reason. Right? But there will always be
people who are like,
do do you? That's great. I'm a be
over here doing something completely fucking different.
And that they're just as valid as you
are. And quite frankly, if you find yourself
falling within the air quotes stereotypical,
like,
what some seem to describe as the air
quote right way.
I'm sorry. I have to gag every time
I think about that.
What might happen is as you grow confident
in yourself, you grow confident in your relationship,
you learn more about kink.
You start pushing away from those stereotypes. You
start doing things that others might go, oh,
I didn't know submissive did that. Well, I
didn't know you were dumbass either. But, you
know, okay. Maybe
look. I'll be a bitch. You don't have
to be.
But that's
that's a point that I think a lot
of newbies miss. They think there's this checklist
and a standard and a way and a
thing that everybody does, and then it doesn't
fit their life. And instead of going, well,
I just won't do that thing. I just
won't do that thing.
They're either going, I'm clearly not kinky or
they're making themselves miserable doing shit they don't
wanna do because somebody told them that's what
doms do, that's what subs do.
Sorry. I have to make the gaggy fates.
It's okay.
Anything you'd like to add before I go
to my next one? The last one on
my list, unless you
wanna add something, is actual kink activities.
Right. This is where I wanna talk about
things you might do as a dom and
sub and things you might do as a
top bottom
because you can be a dom and still
bottom. You can be a sub and still
top.
In in some things, not all things. And
that is a thing
we'd like people to remember.
Mhmm. What say you? Yeah. It yeah. Again,
just like, you don't like you don't like
being caned.
Uh-uh.
I do not. Imagine if,
canes were the standard.
I'd be very Boy, that that that look
was, priceless. It'd be very
nice. So, you know, they're they're right there.
That that shows you the point,
you know, of what what you can,
work with, what you can do. Mhmm. Alright.
You know, you you talk about, service submissives.
Yes. There are many service submissives out there
who are willing to do housework,
but not everyone is. Right.
So
I'm thinking of a current example that we're
about to,
I think experiment with a little bit. You
were you were
dominant,
But you are also a curious motherfucker. And
you wanna know what shit feels like. And
you are currently exploring
cock cages
for yourself. Yeah. I won't even be involved
in that most likely.
That is a thing that
is
and it makes sense that it would be.
But it is most often associated with bottoming
or submitting. Like, your
cock gets locked up and somebody is controlling
that key and somebody is telling you you
couldn't touch yourself and somebody is telling you
you get
all that.
Or you could just be a curious fuck,
do it, and go, actually, this feels kinda
good. I think I'll just do it to
myself. Mhmm.
You know, there are I'm just pulling examples
from things people have told me. Right. You
absolutely can be completely dominant,
big d dominant in your power exchange and
also wanna get your ass beat with a
fucking paddle. Because it's not about the submission,
air quote, that, that is assumed in being
the bottom of of impact, it's the sensation.
It's the
way it relaxes you. It's it's the whatever.
Like, it's the whatever you feel when you
experience it. I mean, let let let's use
rope for example. I like rope. I like
tying.
I also like to be tied.
How did I not know that?
That feels like new information to me. How
could that be? Where have you been?
I I've said this
time I think you've talked to your other
kinky friends. No. I have. Okay. Yeah.
But, yeah. I mean, it
it's back when I could, when I was
limber enough, I used to self tie.
I always thought you were just practicing your
tie. It was a bit of both. But
you like the sensation. Yeah. Now here's what's
hilarious.
I am
I am a wiggly rope bottom on my
best day.
No patience. But
I could absolutely
enjoy seeing you
be tied up. I probably wouldn't do the
tying. I just don't have interest in I'm
not trying to, like, accidentally, like, hurt you
or anything.
You are no less dominant. I'm no less
submissive. But also,
JB says, I like being tied up. Cool.
There's no immediate expectation that I will do
that for him
as a service. Yeah. I mean, could I
be talked into it as a service? I'm
sure I could.
Nor is there this automatic
assumption that he's gotta go out and find
somebody who'll do it for him or that
Mhmm. I'll just switch and do it for
him. Yeah. You see what I mean? Like,
you can like what you like
irrespective of your role. Your role within a
power exchange with a person
does not have to dictate
what you want to experience in the actual
kink activities
that are independent of a relationship,
if that makes sense.
And I think too many people forget that.
It's like, oh, it goes back to the
well, I'm a masochist, but I'm not submissive.
Valid. I'm submissive, but I don't like pain.
Valid. Mhmm. How many of us came into
kink and somehow got the message that,
all doms doms like giving pain? No. They
don't. Some are like, hell no. I'm not
doing that. Yeah. And all subs are supposed
to want pain or or accept it. That's
the other insidious thing. There's this, thing of,
oh, you might not like it, but you're
submissive so you're supposed to take it. Grit
your teeth and bear it. Yeah. No. And
I have had too many conversations with people
who are like, I'm clearly not submissive because
I don't like that. I don't wanna do
that. No. No. No. No. No. You get
to still be submissive if that's what feels
right and reject this thing over here.
So there is not a facet
of kink
life and experience that is not
something you can personalize to who you are
as an individual, personalized to the relationship you
have with an individual,
and the life
that you have right now, whatever that looks
like.
I have no doubt we'll get into this
because several people requested it. Let me just
throw this out there to all to
all parents,
with children at home, specifically
your small children.
Your kink life right now
does not look like
it could look
in twenty years. Right.
And I think we all know that. But
again, I get I get parents of young
children who are like,
are we even kinky? How how do we
make this work? Well, I'm gonna be kind
of Right. Real with you. That's kind of
disappointing. You probably don't. You will do a
lot less
at this stage of life than you will
when they don't meet you as much anymore.
And what it looks like when they are
little is going to be different from when
they are tweens,
different from when they are teenagers,
and so on and so on and so
on. Right. And then, apparently,
there's this mythical day that comes when you
do not have children in your home anymore.
I
want to believe in the myth.
Myth. I have not yet experienced it for
myself.
For those of you who are either way
past that stage, your your children, maybe they're
having children, or you just never had kids
and you're child free. And,
like, I mean, do I some
envy?
Yes. I would not give up my experience
as a parent and all that for anything
in the world. But also, do I do
I look at people who are not currently
or ever raising children at any stage and
go, oh, what must that be like?
I can't imagine it.
And I I don't even let myself
dream too far about
no kids in the house kink life, but
I do imagine there's gonna be a lot
more nudity.
But
I
just I don't know if we will do
kinky shit on every flat
and vertical surface of our home,
but I do think
JB will be walking around dick out. Like,
I just I just think the clothes will
come off. Like, you'll hit the front door.
Hopefully, remember to close it and just strip
down and walk around naked.
I just I do feel like that.
Do I think that, you know, there may
be,
parts of our home where there's, like,
an o ring hanging off of a,
load bearing something because you had a kink
thought and maybe we could do it. Right?
Like,
we will we will talk about,
you know, parenting. But it it's true of
every stage of life. If you're a college
student,
you're gonna have a completely different kink experience
than
some of those of us who are, like,
you know, thinking, do I have enough in
my four zero one k? The answer is
no because I look at the news.
But, you know, like, every facet every stage
of life you're in
will, in some way, change your kink experience,
and you move and grow with that. You
know? You find, hopefully,
the good, the fun, the
fulfilling
at whatever stage of life you're in, but
it will look different
Mhmm. All the way through.
And, you know, yeah, we're we're kind of
at 50%
with the, child free. Yes. Except I'm still
at the beck and call of one child
Yeah. On the weekends.
And,
you know,
don't don't know yet, but, you know, there
could be a chance.
It it's amazing. They have a homing beacon.
They find their way back. I have heard
that. Yeah. I did not, but I was
I didn't either, but You know what I
think it is?
Were you nice to your children while you
were raising them and they love you and
think of your home as their home? They'll
probably come back.
Were you a nightmare as a parent? Traumatized
your children and they couldn't wait to get
out? They're not coming back. Short of having
zero place to go on this planet. They're
not coming back. Nice.
That's just my experience. I think JB can
relate to that experience. Your mileage may vary.
I will say, that is an expression to
take deep in your soul when talking
about
other people's kink experiences or listening to people
share their kink experiences.
Your mileage may vary. Whatever is true for
me in
this moment of 04/16/2025
does not have to be true for you
and might not even be true for me
on 04/17/2025.
Mileage will, you know, will always vary. The
experiences will always vary even if you're were
two people, three people,
bare bones outlined talking about the same experience.
I'm a submissive to a daddy dom. Well,
that looks very different for me Mhmm. To
me than it does for you. Right?
So I have a couple more notes. Do
you have anything else you wanna, like, touch
on the to customize it? Like, find what
works for you. Mhmm. Make it up if
you have to. Right? If you if you're
following the three basic rules of kink, communication,
consent, and risk assessment,
make it fucking up. Yeah. There's there's no
standard here, and please don't think you have
to find it or follow it.
Here's a thing
that, I've said in a few episodes because
I got it from a therapist and I
use it for my own internal self talk.
It doesn't apply to all situations, but I
think it applies here.
There is no should in power exchange. What
I mean by should you get consent, should
you get communication, and should you assess risk?
Yes. Bleh. Those are the rules. After that,
you should do that because you're submissive. Uh-uh.
Do it because you want to and it
fits within your submissive role. Sure.
You should do that because you're a top.
You should do that because you're,
into wax play. You should. Uh-uh.
There are some
rough guidelines for how something can
there is a skill set for how to
physically do a thing. Yes.
There is some broad strokes guidelines for how
to be a submissive, how to be a
dominant, how to whatever.
Yes.
But if anybody is if you were if
your
internal self talk is, well, I should wanna
do this. I should be doing you're shoulding
all over yourself. Mhmm. Because typically, if we're
telling ourselves, well, I should do this.
I I should want to do this.
It's be we're saying that because we don't.
We don't want to do it.
Or
even better, it should be done that way.
Right. It should be done that by who's
fucking standard?
Does if it doesn't,
again, consent, communication, risk assessment. After that, if
it does not fit you, if it does
not serve you, it does not fit the
life you have, there's no fucking should in
it. Mhmm. But especially when you're doing self
talk, especially when you're feeling resistant. Like, Like,
I am submissive.
I should do this kind of thing, and
yet there's a part of you screaming,
but I don't want to. That is information
you need to use to figure out what
you do wanna do. Can you modify this
thing that supposedly you should do? Can you
fucking reject it?
Right? Yes. As humans living in the world,
there are plenty of things we have to
do that we don't wanna do. Mhmm. Yes.
And that can still be a little true
in kink, but in general, we choose this
life. We choose these relationship dynamics.
We figure how what we're interested in and
into, and then we choose to do those
things. So guess what the thing is you
shouldn't be having to do?
To do a thing you fucking hate.
My god. Enough of us go to work
or have to work with somebody or be
around a human being that in any other
circumstance, we would never choose to do it.
Right? But we do it because we'd like
to pay our bills. Right? Okay. So why
you gonna come home and live your kink
life and do something that
you don't want you would never choose to
do this. You hate every second of what
are you doing. It doesn't satisfy you. Yeah.
I don't, you know What's the point then?
What's the point?
Like taking a shower with a raincoat on.
Do I put effort in as a service
up? Of course, I do. Do I do
I sometimes do things when I'm really tired
and would rather be sitting and reading my
book? Of course I do.
But ultimately, I'm doing it because I want
to. And if I stop wanting to, that's
time for conversation. That's time for a renegotiation.
That's time for a can we look at
this in a different way? Is there another
way to do this thing?
Anything in your kink life that you were
starting to resist
and either guilting yourself into doing, avoiding it,
or in in some way just not feeling
good about it, that is information
to
immediately.
If you're with if you were in a
relationship, stop and talk to your partner. If
you're not, go find your kinky bestie and,
like, just hash it out and go hear
me out. Let let me think this through.
That is information you gotta stop and start
thinking about and talking about. Because it's that's
some part of you telling you that you
don't want this is not right for you.
Might have been right six months ago. It
might be right six years from now. It's
not right right now. Right. And that's the
thing about kink air quote, kink is customizable.
You can change it on a dime.
It's there's
it can be challenging when you're in a
relationship because you wanting a change means they
have to agree to that change and be
okay with that change. That is not always
easy because sometimes the thing you hate is
the thing they love.
So now there's a negotiation of can we
find a middle ground? Can we find another
way to accomplish this? Is there another way
I can do a thing and have you
feel as good as you do, but I
don't have to do a thing I hate?
So it's not always a one and done.
Just stop doing it and it's done.
There might be some effort that has to
be put in, but that is the reality.
There should not be a fucking thing in
your kink life you have to do that
you don't wanna do. That's true.
And for anybody who wants to to get
a little little
some of us overthink and I know that.
So I'm trying to, like, find the caveats
for us overthinkers
out here.
There are things I agree to
that JB can do to me that I
don't love,
but I am willing to do it.
Here's why. One, I don't have to do
it all the fucking time. If I had
to do a thing I don't love all
the fucking time, we're not doing it. I
don't wanna do that. That's not how I
wanna play.
But two, if it's something that I find
another
satisfactory
feeling from. So the example is
JB loves a stingy pain. He likes to
see can that bring a a welt up
on her skin? And is she going to
shriek like a banshee? Can I make her
dance too? It's usually a stingy thing. So
if it's study, I'm a relax. Like, I'm
getting a deep tissue massage.
I allow it. I consent to it,
not because I'm enjoying the sensation, but because
I'm enjoying
giving up control. I'm enjoying
enduring it. I want to see, can I
can I endure this for him? Sometimes it's
it's it's a a pure act of submission.
I'm literally letting him do something to me
that
I would not let another fucking soul do
and don't even like that much because I'm
finding pleasure in it in other ways.
But you also know that I am not
going to abuse that power. And I also
know that I don't have to live with
that endurance
all the time. I get plenty of what
I like.
So that makes it easier to sometimes do
a thing
you like that I can find a way
to go. Yeah. I'm willing to do that.
Right? But that comes, let's say again,
communication,
consent, and risk assessment. I know what I'm
agreeing to. I'm not forced into it. I'm
not pressured into it. I'm not No. Guilted
into it. My own internal self talk is
not going, well, girl, you should do it.
You're the
I have weighed all my options. I've looked
at what else can be done. I have
I understand what's happening, and I understand and
can articulate
why I'm willing to do it as long
as it doesn't have to become my new
reality.
So for my overthinkers out there who are
like, but sometimes I do what they want.
It's okay. You can do things you don't
really wanna do for your partner,
but, again, you should not be pressured, guilted,
forced into it. You have to choose it,
and you need to have some idea of
why you're willing to choose it. And it
has to be balanced with getting what you
want.
That's the other thing that's not a customizable
thing is a,
a truism.
Everybody involved in this, whatever your dynamic is,
should be getting some of what they want.
You don't get all of what you want
all the time,
but everybody needs to get enough of what
they want to be satisfied, happy, wanna keep
coming back and doing this. Mhmm. Because
it's a it's a compromise,
you know. Yes.
Yes. It can be a very pleasurable compromise.
It can be a very satisfying compromise.
But, you know,
I haven't I know people talk about this.
We talked about this probably 400 episodes ago.
It usually comes up in conversations about, like,
ethical non monogamy.
But it's this
fact that most of the time, one partner
cannot
satisfy
every need another partner has. In some cases,
the solution to that is it works for
everybody involved, ethical nonmonogamy. Go find another play
partner, get whatever.
Sometimes
that's not the answer. You're monogamous and wanna
stay monogamous.
Please do.
What that means is you have the partner
you're with
has to get enough of what they need
and you have to get enough of what
you need for this to be worth it,
for it to be satisfying, for you to
wanna keep this going. Sometimes you'll come across
people who cannot give you enough of what
you need. They might not be the right
partner for you.
But also they might give you more of
what you need outside of a kink context
and just enough of what you need for
kink to be happy. Keep it. Yeah. And
it might not be, like, this overly active
twenty four seven kink life, but you're happy.
That's all that matters. Mhmm.
So
yeah.
Yeah.
I don't think I lost steam. I did
not lose my train of thought. I think
I didn't
know how to, like, semi colon and then
book in this. Right?
Part of it is because a lot of
the things I think to to, like points
I want I could come to mind when
we're talking about this, we've done those episodes.
BDSM is a journey. You're always learning something.
You can shift. We've done the episodes on
how your dynamic can and will shift over
time. We've done many episodes on that because
that's been our reality.
There's,
you know, a labels and titles episodes. There's
the, you know, figuring out your role and
what does that mean for you. There like,
every point I wanna make I have I
would that comes to mind to make is,
like, oh, but we've made that point. We
spent an hour and a half on that
point. I'm just hoping that for anybody who
this is new information for or it's validation,
like, you the little voice in your head
was saying it, but you didn't have enough
people around you agreeing and confirming this for
you. That that's what I hope you get
out of it, but I just need you
to know there's a it's deeper than that.
There's more to it. There's nuance to every
fucking thing. I think that's why we and
this podcast exist. I did not know that's
what we were starting.
I think that's
that's what we do here.
But yeah.
Your kink life can be literally whatever you
want and that your partner you have or
the partners,
consent to.
It doesn't have look like anybody else's. It
probably won't. It probably shouldn't.
You know? And I I I get the
messages from some listeners who are like, oh
my gosh. You remind me so much of
me. Oh my gosh. It sounds like me.
And and, yeah, personalities can be different or
the similar. But I promise you our lives
are different. Because even if
line by line similarities, you know, you've got
two kids in this similar situation or similar
age or similar life stage, we're gonna make
different decisions. We're gonna see things differently. We've
got different life experiences
that, you know, shape how we view the
world and how we want wanna move through
it.
So
all of this is unique to each of
us even when there are similarities. And I
say, hey. Let's embrace those similarities. Let's find
community with those similarities, but also let's embrace
the differences and learn from one another.
That is why we often recommend if you're
new and you're like, I need ideas on
this and I how can I do that?
Please go be where the people who are
kind of doing what you wanna be doing
are doing it. Right?
If if an in person group is possible
for you, great. If not, online is fine.
But you're a dom who wants to learn
how to be a better dom, go be
around doms that you respect. Right? You're submissive
who wants to, like,
learn how to blah blah. Go be around
people who are talking about those things and
and see what they're doing. That doesn't mean
you have to do what they do, but
it will spark those thoughts of, oh, here's
how I could do it. Here's how it
fits into my life. Right?
Yeah. Find your tribe.
Find your tribe.
Here we go. Okay. I think I'm done.
Have you got anything?
I know I was a whirling dervish for
this one. It was. It's fine.
Did good.
At least I think so. That's all that
matters.
I mean, obviously, it's not all that matters
because we ask y'all to leave, like, likes
and comments and reviews and shit. Clearly, we
want y'all to like it. But Right. From
a personal can I sleep tonight standpoint? Yeah.
So, are we good? I guess. That's not
usually for me to say. True. True. Keep
it kinky, y'all. And we'll see you next
week.
Your button pushing seems
to be not pushing buttons.
Yeah.
And you're a button pusher from way back.
You're like, fuck it. It won't it won't
let me go back while it's recording. It
won't let you do what you wanna do.
No.
So
yeah.
Tada.
What have you got for the bonus section?
Oh, can I talk to the crickets?
I wasn't actually talking to them. I was
talking to you. I didn't even know anything
to say. I was looking at the comments
to see what I missed while we were
focused elsewhere.
You may talk to the crickets. Okay. I
don't have anything to say. What do you
wanna talk about? That's why I was asking.
I I don't have a whole lot this
week. Things have been,
a little cray cray, a little busy, a
little
upended.
Yeah. You were not feeling very good last
week, but you seem to be feeling better.
Mhmm.
Yeah.
Can I tell you something I learned that
is both validating and a little,
explains kind of what you and I are
personally going through? Okay. It's a little depressing.
Okay. So apparently, sometime in your mid forties,
hi, that's me. And sometime in your early
to mid sixties, that's you.
There are things called World collide.
Things called
aging bursts, I think is what I've how
I've seen the said in the headlines. And
it's this idea that there's kind of a
cluster of years where
the aging process kind of explodes a little
bit, and then you,
you know, in general, find a new normal.
And we're both over here going, have I
lost my mind? Why can't I do this?
What is happening? And you say a lot,
I can't do things that and I'm always
I used to. Yeah. Because you're in your
sixties. But also,
if you're going through an aging burst, as
I am going through an aging burst, As
a teenager
is at the height of puberty
Mhmm. And admitted,
to us the other day, mom, I can't
stop thinking about sex. And I was like,
I get it.
Sometimes,
same.
So So we are all going through aging
bursts in some way,
and I don't know how the roof hadn't
been blown off this. I know. I know.
Oh my goodness. I know.
It's,
it it's been an interesting,
week. Mhmm. To say the least. Mhmm.
And we're only halfway through it. I know.
And,
we are so out of our groove with
having a fan in this window that is
behind us where we're recording. Yeah. That one,
we almost forgot to turn it off before
we started recording something, and then clearly almost
forgot to turn it back on. And can't
remember to tell y'all, hey, that that's a
fan. And
look, it's working. It's it's doing its best.
It is. Yeah. We we we found we,
we we were gonna try and do without
a fan in the windows, you know, you
know, for quite a while. But,
we got a brief taste of what summer
is going to be like.
And, we're like, no. We we we need
that fan back. So as as the Internet
has said, o m g wix is the
account that Yeah. When I get this from,
there's a lot of Florida humor on the
Internet.
Right now, Florida is just preheating. Like, for
anybody who's traveling here or who is new
to Florida and like, oh my god. It's
so hot. No. No. No. No. This is
the this is the preheat. Yeah. We we're
the oven is set for 500. We're only
at about two fifty right now. We got
a ways to go. Mhmm. And it will
only get worse from here. I I am
Yeah.
Almost sweating through my shirt right now. There's
a wet patch. It's gross.
Because I have no shame, I will happily
share this, like, little tiny story that's nothing,
but
the connection was made in my brain. Sweat
sweat.
And my mammogram,
my annual last week, fine. No big deal.
I hate getting it. I don't I haven't
met a person with boobs yet who's like,
hell, yeah. Let's go to the mammogram.
But I think it's more of the
strangers a little too physically close to my
body even before they grab my boob. Okay?
And if you've never had a mammogram
and probably never will or just haven't yet,
yes. They pick
I guess maybe if you have small ones,
they don't. But when you got big ones,
and gravity is not being kind to them
anymore, they pick it up and put it
on
the flat part. Ask me how I know.
I've had four of these.
I started sweating before she even told me
to untie the little toppy thing I had
to wear.
And I knew part of it was nerves,
but part of it is the increasing hot
flashes I've been having. And I just went,
I am so sorry. I'm in the middle
of a hot flash right now. The sweat
was pouring off my damn face.
She goes, it's fine. Happens.
I hope so at the mammogram place where
I was the youngest person in the general,
We all are are tits out
waiting area.
She goes, just make sure it's not too
wet under there. And I'm like,
this is the highlight. This is the highlight
of getting a mammogram. Taking the little dressy
thing, it's kinda like
boobs to make it not so wet for
the stranger.
I was going to literally
pick it up, and then and then my
favorite anybody's had a mammogram probably can relate
to this. Okay. Now move towards me. Move
towards me. Okay. Put your hand here. Hold
the machine. Okay. Forward forward. We have to
get the whole breast in. Yep. Even the
back fat part. Mhmm. The whole thing. Okay.
Hold still. Don't breathe.
And I,
when I don't think I'm getting enough air,
panic.
I would have to time
the don't breathe remark with a deep inhale.
Moment she said don't breathe, I could hold
it.
She was never as fast as she thought
she was. My brain was like, you have
no oxygen. You have no oxygen. You have
no oxygen.
I did. Right as I was about to
go, I can't do this anymore. She'd go,
okay. Breathe.
Okay. I'm breathing now.
So, yeah, you could see why maybe I
I get a little sweaty before they go
to do that because I'm now I think
on my fourth one. Actually, probably my fifth
because one year I had to go back
because because they didn't like the quality of
the
images. Okay.
So yeah.
Yeah.
Anyway,
that's the thing on my mind. Right.
What else?
Your dog is sacked out over here Oh,
yeah. On my side. Oh, she's on your
side? But still with an ear up. Oh.
So that she can see an ear. Truly.
Yeah. Yeah.
She even from this angle. I don't know
if this is what it really is.
This angle, yes, her eyes are closed. But
what they appear to be is like little
kids scrunched up. I'm gonna make them think
I'm asleep. But the ears up.
So
No.
What else?
Friday night livestream. Yep. Yep. Got that coming
up.
Yeah. I'm I'm still every evening,
sitting outside on the porch right now and
subjecting neighbors to,
the the the twangs of ukulele.
Neighbor on the right side
she's so chill. I know. The neighbor on
the left side is probably a very nice
little old lady. I don't know. But her
fucking dog
yap
almost all day. So I feel like
play ukulele
well or bad.
They deserve whatever whatever you do.
Oh, god.
Well, I I hope it's not a testament
to my playing, but, you know, when I
go out there and I I start,
you know, strumming on stupid thing, that's when
the dog starts barking.
Right. Because they sensed movement.
And these are small dogs, so they are
afraid of everything. And they think if they
can see it, sniff it, or hear it,
it's theirs.
The,
the doggy version of Yertle the turtle
oh my god. They're so annoying now. And,
you know, I
maybe it's because we were lucky when we
had Saki. If you're new here, first dog,
teeny tiny, our old chill dude. We got
him when he was 10. Min Pin. He
was just Mix. Min Pin Chihuahua. Little guy.
You couldn't pick him up. He didn't really
like that.
But chill old dude. Mhmm. But even he
could get yappy if he thought you looked
near his yard and he sensed it. Oh,
yeah. He didn't have to see you. He
just had to sense it. But Saki
never did that shit. No. Never
did that shit. No. No. No. No. No.
No. No. He did not. He did not.
No.
No. And and they're they're they are they
do get
annoying.
And I know several of the other neighbors
have
Oh, yeah. That's like the neighborhood, like, thing
of, oh, god. Those fucking dogs are barking
again. It's right up there with two doors
down that direction
when that neighbor had a beautiful
but very unruly chocolate lab Mhmm. And kept
getting out. We would all watch out for
this dog. We did not want her to
get hurt. Mhmm. And she really was a
sweetheart, but she was young and completely untrained
and undisciplined.
And so the whole neighborhood is, like, watching
out for her, trying to get her back
in so she didn't get hit. But it's
also like, goddamn it. Keep your dog in
your house.
My favorite, there's,
strays that live in our neighborhood that get
fed by a neighbor
on the right side, several houses down. Yeah.
And she takes care of most of them,
but one of them kinda comes
this way towards our end of the neighborhood
and sits in what I call JB's besties
house because that's who he likes to do
some gossiping with. And I appreciate that. Please
bring the gossip home. I do not want
to participate in the gossip. I don't wanna
stand there for it, but please bring it
home and relay it to me.
But that one of the that cat who
goes between these two houses named Butterball does
not look like a Butterball. I don't know
where that name came from. But you
at any usually at the evening, but really
at any given point in the day, you
can hear one
or two or three voices going, Butterball,
butterball. And they're coming from different sides of
the neighborhood. I'm like, goddamn it. Butterball
does not look like a butterball.
I feel like there was stuff, and I
don't I've forgotten all the stuff. Or it
was stuff that was like, I've already talked
about it to the people who need to
hear me talk about it.
I don't know.
I feel like there's stuff, but I I
don't have stuff. And then, of course, you
have to, like, walk the line of don't
talk too much stuff or you won't have
stuff for the Friday night livestream.
I mean, I kinda hope some stuff happens
between now and then, so I have stuff
to talk about. Mhmm.
But I'm I'm hoping I get some had
to call two different doctor's offices yesterday for
several for different situations, like, completely, like, unrelated
things, but, like, lots of phone calls and
messages online and waiting and waiting, and I'm
not patient.
I would like to think that by Friday,
those will be sorted.
I can stop thinking about them.
So
okay. Mhmm. I guess we can be done.
Like this. We're good. Yeah.
Thanks for being here. Mhmm. Especially if you're
better in. We hope, this series is helpful
to somebody. Mhmm. If nothing else, we hope
it can affirm some shit you already knew,
but maybe you just need to hear somebody
else go, yes. You're right.
That works for me often. So Mhmm. Yeah.
Okay. Alright. Bye. Bye.