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You're listening to the Loving BDSM podcast episode

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four thirty seven. Kayla Lords here with the

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one, the only,

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the oh, don't you're giving me a grumpy

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daddy look, but I didn't think you were

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in a grumpy daddy mood. John Brownstone. I

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got t shirt. Pruwit. I know. I know

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you were a grumpy daddy and all you

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got was the damn t shirt. Right.

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I don't think we're talking about a grumpy

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daddy today, but you never know.

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This week, we're actually starting a new series

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on the podcast, about making power exchange work

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in the real world

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based on the session we did for the

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2025, that's this year as of recordings, Dom

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Sub Dynamics Virtual Summit,

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because

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y'all have to know we had way more

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we could say,

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other than within the thirty minutes we were

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given. So we're gonna start with my personal

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new favorite phrase, turn it into a drinking

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game if you're feeling brave.

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Kink is customizable,

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which simply means that there's no single true

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or right way to do it.

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You make it make it work for you,

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not make you work for it. Right. Right.

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Yeah. So that's what we're talking about. Mhmm.

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Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this

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is your first time listening, glad to have

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you. If you're back for another week, welcome

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back. Loving BDSM is produced every Monday and

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Friday for your kinky pleasure in education, and

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show notes are found at lovingBDSM.net.

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Come back often and feel free to add

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the podcast to your favorite podcast app. You

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can also follow the show on FetLife at

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loving BDSM PC

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on Instagram and, technically, threads at that handle

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I will forever

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fucking hate

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for reasons,

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good reasons. Anyway, it's loving d s and

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the number one, so at loving d s

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one, on blue sky at lovingBDSM.

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Blah blah blah blah or

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on YouTube

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at youtube.com/lovingBDSM,

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where you can watch us live from the

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podcast every Wednesday. All links are in the

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show notes. Okay. Before we get into the

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topic, couple of announcements fairly quick. One, this

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Friday don't ask me what the date is.

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Eighteenth? Is April 18? Today is the sixth.

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No. Not today. This Friday is that April

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18? Okay. Thank you.

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It's Friday night livestream

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on YouTube from 09:30,

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PM Eastern to 11PM

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Eastern. Yes. It used to go longer. We're

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older.

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No. We're not doing it any sooner because

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that means

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stuff does not get done like we need

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around our house. And also, we're still doing

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an extra long stream and part of the

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reason we're tired is that was an extra

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long stream.

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Fair. Okay.

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Have I have I made you wanna come

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to it now or did I completely put

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you off? Anyway,

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yeah. YouTube,

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Friday.

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I believe that is April 18, '9 '30

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PM eastern. Come join us. Starting at 10:00,

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we'll do a q and a. If you're

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like, that is after my bedtime or you're

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an international person who's like, I am asleep.

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That's like 2AM for me. The video playback

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is available if you are interested. I have

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been told we are great background noise for

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cleaning your house. Mhmm. So

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maybe you can't watch live. Maybe you watch

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the next day and get your house cleaned.

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I wish I could find something that worked

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for that. Maybe I would clean more often,

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but probably not. The next announcement,

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very briefly,

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the

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this week's episode, the new series that we're

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starting, all of it is

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inspired by the session we did

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for the Dom Sub Dynamics Virtual Summit. That's

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a very long title to say 18 times.

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Replays of that are available if you were

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unable to attend for free and you have

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the budget for it. We are not the

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only thing there that we are just one

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little bit. There were 19 other sessions.

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So

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link is in the places if you're interested.

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Okay.

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There. Also, I did wanna say to anybody

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who found us through the summit, didn't know

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we existed until then. We didn't scare you

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off then. We probably came across as a

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lot more professional than we do now. Welcome.

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Comment on a YouTube video from somebody who

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was like, I found you through the summit,

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and I'm so glad to be here. And

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I'm like, I for keep forgetting to reply

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to comments, but when I read them, I

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get very happy in jazz hands. So Yep.

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Thank you. Okay.

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So Okay.

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Let's do the thing. Mhmm.

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Like a series we did our back to

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basics series was last year. What is time?

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I don't know. This is one we'll do

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a few episodes of, and then we'll probably

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just add to the series sporadically

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because there's so much to Yeah. It's a

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it's a big topic. It's a massive topic.

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It is literally the

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whole, like, crux of our professional kink.

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It is what we do. It's who we

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are.

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And it's this idea of living

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your reality

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and, with kink,

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instead of trying to, like, twist yourself into

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knots

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to make your fantasy version in your head

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of kink a reality.

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I don't know how long ago it was,

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but we have done an episode on fantasy

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versus reality as it pertains to kink. I

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will link that in the places for anybody

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who, may be interested.

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So but

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I think I mostly wanted an excuse

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to finally just sort of like elaborate

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on the thing that I now say all

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the time, which is kink is customizable.

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It's personalizable.

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It is

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I can't think of any other words. I'm

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gonna start the drinking game now, I guess.

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When I say that and have been saying

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that now for a while, what what comes

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to your mind?

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What comes to my mind?

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Mhmm. Any number of things. I mean, you

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can There there are so many different ways

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you can mix and match. Mhmm. Okay?

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Feel like I'm selling something here, you know?

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Make mix and match, you know? Pick your

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own, Buy one, get one free. Yeah.

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And if you act before midnight tonight Gintu

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knives. Yeah. For those of you who have

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a knife kink is awful.

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But I I mean yeah. I mean, there

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there's so many ways that you can It's

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infinitesimal

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infinitesimal? Infinite? What's the word I want? It

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pretty much. It's it's, you know,

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and and it's very,

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personal.

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Yes. And I think that's that's the big

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thing because

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part of the thing about saying kink is

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customizable over and over again is for me

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and the way my brain operates, it is

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the

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antidote

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to there's

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one true way, there's a right way, this

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is the way to do kink. Because that's

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never true. It is anybody who says there's

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this is the right way, this is the

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true way,

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assuming that they are actually, like, living the

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thing they're trying to describe a lot of

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people don't. They just try to sell you,

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you know, some magic beans.

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All they're saying is this is the way

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the true way, the way that works for

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me in this moment in time.

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Because even for that person who is

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willing and able to follow whatever the air

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quote one true way is, I still don't

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know what it is because everybody's got a

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different opinion of it. Let's just be real.

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Go talk to them a week from now,

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six months from now. They're not even living

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this anymore, assuming they were in the beginning.

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Because it is ever changing, and we've done

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the episode on it being a journey, and

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there always being something new to learn. The

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thing I find interesting about the one true

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way thing and

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the right way and all that bullshit that

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always annoys me,

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I understand it because humans do that. They

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try to create boxes and they try to,

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like, air quote, do the right thing, and

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then they can you can you know, the

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tribe will let you in and Right. But

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the thing is is BDSM is literally about

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not conforming. It is literally about going against

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societal expectations

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and doing taboo things,

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and yet too many of us twist ourselves

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in the knots to do apparently what other

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people expect us to do

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in kink. And it's a bit of a

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mind fuck. But you know what? When I

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when I first came into kink,

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into the community,

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I think

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without labels,

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I would have been lost.

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Oh, yeah. For sure. It would have been

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a lot harder

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to

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to to find my my footing Mhmm. In

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lifestyle

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without labels.

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Now years down the road are those labels

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still important to me? No.

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Mhmm. No. And when we talk about the

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things that you can customize, labels is definitely

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on that list.

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I think that

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the reminder is if you're gonna make

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kink in whatever way you want want to

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work for your real life, the real world,

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however you wanna

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define

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that, you have to know that what you're

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going to do is create a power exchange,

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a dynamic, a relationship, a kink life

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that has to fit you in this moment

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right now instead of doing that

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common but also frustrating thing of twisting yourself

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into knots, turning yourself inside out to fit

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somebody else's definition

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of what somebody once thought thirty years ago

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that kink was supposed to be. Right? Like,

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that's that's the thing that's going to set

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you back every time because some people

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will be that's the fan going, it's hot

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here. It's Florida.

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Some people will be able to follow those

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air quote rules. Right? And they'll do fine

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until they don't. Something might feel a little

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off. Something might feel like it's missing, but

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they can make it through until you they

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hit a point where it doesn't work anymore.

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Now they're like, am I am I the

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broken one? Am I the one who doesn't

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know how to do kink? But quite frankly,

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plenty of other people will either completely reject

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that idea of the true way, the right

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way, heavy fucking air quotes,

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and, you know, think they're somehow doing it

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00:09:52,815 --> 00:09:54,919
wrong or think maybe kink isn't for them

271
00:09:54,919 --> 00:09:56,860
because they know from the start

272
00:09:57,240 --> 00:09:57,980
that that,

273
00:09:58,519 --> 00:09:59,259
you know,

274
00:09:59,559 --> 00:10:02,440
stereotype or that somebody else's definition doesn't fit

275
00:10:02,440 --> 00:10:03,480
them. Yeah. Well, you know, one of the

276
00:10:03,480 --> 00:10:05,100
most common things I hear

277
00:10:06,120 --> 00:10:06,940
from folks,

278
00:10:08,705 --> 00:10:10,465
well, I'm a masochist, but I don't have

279
00:10:10,465 --> 00:10:12,085
a submissive bone in my body.

280
00:10:12,785 --> 00:10:14,625
Right. Or I'm submissive, and I don't have

281
00:10:14,625 --> 00:10:15,745
a, you know, I'm But I don't like

282
00:10:15,745 --> 00:10:17,825
pain. I'm not a masochist. Yeah. So, you

283
00:10:17,825 --> 00:10:19,504
know, I do I fit in the community?

284
00:10:19,504 --> 00:10:21,179
Do I am I, you know, not really?

285
00:10:21,580 --> 00:10:23,500
And, you know, the answer is, yeah. And

286
00:10:23,500 --> 00:10:26,139
and you do. Right. Exactly. And then, you

287
00:10:26,139 --> 00:10:28,059
know, I think some folks are fortunate that

288
00:10:28,059 --> 00:10:31,279
they find a person who does not prescribe

289
00:10:31,339 --> 00:10:31,839
to

290
00:10:32,539 --> 00:10:34,345
one single way of doing this, and they

291
00:10:34,345 --> 00:10:36,504
can start from that point and eventually kinda

292
00:10:36,504 --> 00:10:38,205
learn the things they needed to learn.

293
00:10:38,664 --> 00:10:41,384
And other people come across other resources where

294
00:10:41,384 --> 00:10:43,644
that is not the case. And then, again,

295
00:10:44,345 --> 00:10:46,779
too many people are real quick to internalize

296
00:10:46,920 --> 00:10:49,399
I'm wrong, I'm doing it wrong because this

297
00:10:49,399 --> 00:10:51,820
arbitrary person who I don't actually know,

298
00:10:52,279 --> 00:10:53,960
they will never have a say over my

299
00:10:53,960 --> 00:10:54,460
life.

300
00:10:56,040 --> 00:10:57,559
Who the fuck are they has told me

301
00:10:57,559 --> 00:10:58,540
I'm doing it wrong?

302
00:10:59,639 --> 00:11:01,320
I know that what we tend to be

303
00:11:01,320 --> 00:11:03,004
for for folks is

304
00:11:04,105 --> 00:11:06,745
you found the one true wayers, the right

305
00:11:06,745 --> 00:11:08,125
way people, the,

306
00:11:08,504 --> 00:11:10,424
all that bullshit. And then you find us.

307
00:11:10,424 --> 00:11:13,084
And first, first, there tends to be anger.

308
00:11:13,304 --> 00:11:14,985
Who is this bitch doing all the talking?

309
00:11:14,985 --> 00:11:16,299
How is she really submissive?

310
00:11:17,799 --> 00:11:19,319
And then it's a little bit of the

311
00:11:19,319 --> 00:11:21,319
stages of grief, then there's some acceptance, maybe

312
00:11:21,319 --> 00:11:23,639
some bargaining in the middle. You know, I'll

313
00:11:23,639 --> 00:11:25,819
watch more if you talk less something.

314
00:11:26,199 --> 00:11:28,120
But I know from getting messages that people

315
00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:29,639
will come across somebody like us, and it's

316
00:11:29,639 --> 00:11:31,014
not just us. Okay? There are plenty of

317
00:11:31,014 --> 00:11:32,535
other kinky people talking about it in the

318
00:11:32,535 --> 00:11:34,375
way we talk about it. And there's just

319
00:11:34,375 --> 00:11:37,014
a sense of relief. Like, oh, I thought

320
00:11:37,014 --> 00:11:38,535
I was all alone here. And I'm like,

321
00:11:38,535 --> 00:11:40,054
no. We're a small group over here in

322
00:11:40,054 --> 00:11:41,735
this corner of the Internet, but come on.

323
00:11:41,735 --> 00:11:42,955
Yeah. We got room.

324
00:11:43,335 --> 00:11:45,240
You're definitely not alone. And we have cookies.

325
00:11:46,259 --> 00:11:47,779
I probably ate the cookie dough before I

326
00:11:47,779 --> 00:11:49,559
could make them into cookies, but sure.

327
00:11:50,259 --> 00:11:53,000
So oh, there's Lola. Before we get into

328
00:11:53,139 --> 00:11:55,379
the actual kink is customizable, let's break that

329
00:11:55,379 --> 00:11:57,059
down a little bit so that you can

330
00:11:57,059 --> 00:11:58,899
have a kink life that works in your

331
00:11:58,899 --> 00:11:59,720
real world.

332
00:12:00,254 --> 00:12:02,514
Let's let Lola in from the backyard.

333
00:12:04,894 --> 00:12:07,375
You're being a diva today, ma'am. Yes. She

334
00:12:07,375 --> 00:12:09,695
is. You're gonna bring your stinky, sweaty dog

335
00:12:09,695 --> 00:12:12,174
self over here, make me smell stinky, sweaty

336
00:12:12,174 --> 00:12:15,054
dog, sweat smell? Okay. So let's go into

337
00:12:15,054 --> 00:12:17,480
the kink is Customizable. I made a list

338
00:12:17,860 --> 00:12:18,600
of things

339
00:12:19,060 --> 00:12:20,820
to consider, but as things come up, if

340
00:12:20,820 --> 00:12:22,420
you're like, oh, let's talk about this, we

341
00:12:22,420 --> 00:12:24,259
shall. So let's start with the thing you

342
00:12:24,259 --> 00:12:27,639
brought up Okay. Recently. Labels and titles. Yeah.

343
00:12:30,995 --> 00:12:31,735
Yeah. Yeah.

344
00:12:33,475 --> 00:12:35,975
The titles, that that's another thing too.

345
00:12:36,595 --> 00:12:38,695
You know, what what do I call my

346
00:12:39,154 --> 00:12:40,995
my person? What do I call my my

347
00:12:40,995 --> 00:12:42,434
big d? What do I call my little

348
00:12:42,434 --> 00:12:44,834
s? Who am I? What what label fits

349
00:12:44,834 --> 00:12:45,894
me? Mhmm.

350
00:12:46,570 --> 00:12:49,230
And and you know what? There again too.

351
00:12:50,089 --> 00:12:51,470
That that is broad.

352
00:12:52,329 --> 00:12:53,389
Yeah. Okay?

353
00:12:53,690 --> 00:12:54,829
You know, from

354
00:12:55,129 --> 00:12:55,629
from,

355
00:12:57,129 --> 00:12:57,789
you know,

356
00:12:59,289 --> 00:13:00,350
sir to

357
00:13:00,809 --> 00:13:01,950
coach to,

358
00:13:02,455 --> 00:13:03,034
you know,

359
00:13:04,615 --> 00:13:06,554
your lordship, you know, and anything.

360
00:13:07,174 --> 00:13:09,335
Anything like that. To literally be a made

361
00:13:09,335 --> 00:13:10,774
up word that only makes sense to you

362
00:13:10,774 --> 00:13:11,914
and your partner. Right.

363
00:13:12,294 --> 00:13:14,070
And that's we've done this episode on labels

364
00:13:14,070 --> 00:13:16,309
and titles. And invariably, every time we get

365
00:13:16,309 --> 00:13:18,629
to this topic, there's somebody who is thinking

366
00:13:18,629 --> 00:13:20,870
to themselves and possibly typing it out as

367
00:13:20,870 --> 00:13:21,450
I speak,

368
00:13:22,470 --> 00:13:25,110
about how they they hate labels. They they

369
00:13:25,110 --> 00:13:27,269
don't wanna use them. That that is also

370
00:13:27,269 --> 00:13:29,415
a choice you get to make. Right? My

371
00:13:29,415 --> 00:13:31,495
thing with labels is it gives us some

372
00:13:31,495 --> 00:13:32,475
common language

373
00:13:32,855 --> 00:13:35,754
to start from. Sure. Some places to,

374
00:13:36,134 --> 00:13:37,035
you know, maybe

375
00:13:37,654 --> 00:13:39,115
a a term or a label

376
00:13:39,575 --> 00:13:42,169
feels right and you go down the the

377
00:13:42,169 --> 00:13:44,009
path of figuring out what that means for

378
00:13:44,009 --> 00:13:46,329
you and in general, sometimes you'll hear something

379
00:13:46,329 --> 00:13:49,209
and immediately reject it. But then later, you'll

380
00:13:49,209 --> 00:13:51,789
learn the concept without the word and realize,

381
00:13:51,850 --> 00:13:54,345
hey. Wait. I thought it meant this. It

382
00:13:54,345 --> 00:13:55,324
can mean that.

383
00:13:56,424 --> 00:13:57,865
We all have to start with a a

384
00:13:57,865 --> 00:14:01,004
place of commonality with language. Right? So words

385
00:14:01,064 --> 00:14:02,684
mean what they mean,

386
00:14:03,944 --> 00:14:05,084
but our interpretations

387
00:14:05,865 --> 00:14:07,964
are our own. It's why

388
00:14:08,584 --> 00:14:09,865
half of y'all will look at me and

389
00:14:09,865 --> 00:14:10,019
call

390
00:14:10,980 --> 00:14:12,279
call me a brat, and

391
00:14:12,660 --> 00:14:14,179
I will meet you in an alley. No.

392
00:14:14,179 --> 00:14:15,240
I'm not. I don't

393
00:14:15,860 --> 00:14:17,220
know how to fight, but I'll figure it

394
00:14:17,220 --> 00:14:17,720
out.

395
00:14:18,740 --> 00:14:20,259
Because that is not a term or a

396
00:14:20,259 --> 00:14:22,120
label that I apply to myself

397
00:14:23,195 --> 00:14:25,534
because I get to choose that. It's also

398
00:14:25,914 --> 00:14:27,375
some people will call themselves

399
00:14:27,995 --> 00:14:31,034
a little and mean one thing, and somebody

400
00:14:31,034 --> 00:14:33,274
else will use that same term and mean

401
00:14:33,274 --> 00:14:35,129
something else. Now part of what you need

402
00:14:35,129 --> 00:14:37,129
to do is kind of try to figure

403
00:14:37,129 --> 00:14:37,870
out the

404
00:14:39,049 --> 00:14:42,169
generally accepted definitions of a term Mhmm. Before

405
00:14:42,169 --> 00:14:45,129
you make them your own, but you get

406
00:14:45,129 --> 00:14:46,970
to do that. Right. And and that and

407
00:14:46,970 --> 00:14:48,730
that that's a good point. Yeah. You, you

408
00:14:48,730 --> 00:14:51,225
know, you see what they they actually how

409
00:14:51,225 --> 00:14:53,004
they relate to you. Mhmm.

410
00:14:54,024 --> 00:14:55,945
But now, you know, let let's,

411
00:14:58,504 --> 00:15:00,345
okay, you know, somebody comes along and says,

412
00:15:00,345 --> 00:15:03,059
well, I'm I'm a service submissive. Mhmm. K.

413
00:15:03,299 --> 00:15:05,539
And and what that means to them is

414
00:15:05,539 --> 00:15:07,860
one thing. Next person that comes along says

415
00:15:07,860 --> 00:15:09,080
they're a service submissive

416
00:15:09,700 --> 00:15:12,179
means something totally different. Absolutely. You know? And

417
00:15:12,179 --> 00:15:13,700
and it goes same thing with the with

418
00:15:13,700 --> 00:15:14,600
the big d's.

419
00:15:14,899 --> 00:15:17,860
Every label. Yeah. Every title. Mhmm. Every phrase.

420
00:15:17,860 --> 00:15:20,455
The thing that we, as folks who are

421
00:15:20,455 --> 00:15:23,674
trying to navigate community, talk to other kinksters,

422
00:15:24,695 --> 00:15:25,674
need to get,

423
00:15:26,134 --> 00:15:29,514
used to doing is sometimes you hear somebody's

424
00:15:29,894 --> 00:15:31,559
title or label and you go, I clock

425
00:15:31,559 --> 00:15:33,159
them. They're like me in some way, and

426
00:15:33,159 --> 00:15:34,679
you move on. And sometimes you're sitting at

427
00:15:34,679 --> 00:15:36,379
the munch and you get into a conversation

428
00:15:36,440 --> 00:15:39,259
about these things. Mhmm. If that opportunity arises

429
00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:40,539
online, in person,

430
00:15:41,080 --> 00:15:43,480
and now we're talking about our identities in

431
00:15:43,480 --> 00:15:44,379
kink. Right?

432
00:15:44,840 --> 00:15:46,485
The labels we use, the titles we use,

433
00:15:46,485 --> 00:15:47,865
how how we identify.

434
00:15:49,125 --> 00:15:51,144
The thing to get used to asking

435
00:15:51,764 --> 00:15:53,444
is what does that look like for you?

436
00:15:53,444 --> 00:15:56,084
What does that mean to you? Yes. Because

437
00:15:56,084 --> 00:15:57,144
that can

438
00:15:57,924 --> 00:16:00,540
often be a huge wake up call of,

439
00:16:00,540 --> 00:16:02,540
oh, we're using the same words, but we

440
00:16:02,540 --> 00:16:05,259
come at this from completely different angles. Right.

441
00:16:05,259 --> 00:16:07,600
And it's all valid. Mhmm. Because

442
00:16:08,540 --> 00:16:09,040
customizing

443
00:16:09,660 --> 00:16:11,980
kink from the words to everything else we're

444
00:16:11,980 --> 00:16:12,800
gonna get into

445
00:16:13,625 --> 00:16:16,264
is based on who you are in this

446
00:16:16,264 --> 00:16:18,825
moment and the life you lead in this

447
00:16:18,825 --> 00:16:21,065
moment Mhmm. And the experiences you've had up

448
00:16:21,065 --> 00:16:23,404
until this moment. And then

449
00:16:23,945 --> 00:16:26,345
so you craft the language for yourself that

450
00:16:26,345 --> 00:16:28,345
works for you right now. Cool thing is

451
00:16:28,345 --> 00:16:30,750
is as you change and life changes and

452
00:16:30,750 --> 00:16:33,070
you get more experiences and you figure more

453
00:16:33,070 --> 00:16:35,309
stuff out about yourself and all of those

454
00:16:35,309 --> 00:16:37,629
things, you get to change the words you

455
00:16:37,629 --> 00:16:40,930
use. K. You know? I was unironically

456
00:16:41,629 --> 00:16:44,065
little one. I have been pet. None of

457
00:16:44,065 --> 00:16:46,384
those work for me now. JB tried out

458
00:16:46,384 --> 00:16:48,625
princess on me today, and I just went,

459
00:16:48,625 --> 00:16:49,125
no.

460
00:16:49,904 --> 00:16:52,625
No. No. I'm I'm I don't know what

461
00:16:52,625 --> 00:16:53,925
I am, but I ain't that.

462
00:16:57,509 --> 00:16:58,970
That that one was not right.

463
00:17:00,389 --> 00:17:02,329
But even, the my my

464
00:17:03,190 --> 00:17:05,509
reason to even bring that up is twelve

465
00:17:05,509 --> 00:17:06,009
years

466
00:17:06,549 --> 00:17:07,369
of a relationship.

467
00:17:08,095 --> 00:17:09,315
How does math work?

468
00:17:09,934 --> 00:17:12,095
Thirteen years? I don't know. Something along those

469
00:17:12,095 --> 00:17:12,595
lines.

470
00:17:12,974 --> 00:17:14,894
Yeah. And he can still throw out a

471
00:17:14,894 --> 00:17:16,095
word for me and go, what do you

472
00:17:16,095 --> 00:17:17,694
think of this one? Look, does this does

473
00:17:17,694 --> 00:17:20,174
this resonate? Right? We can still be shifting

474
00:17:20,174 --> 00:17:22,835
and adjusting and, you know, adding nuance

475
00:17:23,660 --> 00:17:26,460
because we've learned and grown and experienced and

476
00:17:26,460 --> 00:17:29,259
gathered all of this information from the things

477
00:17:29,259 --> 00:17:31,759
we've done and people we've talked to and

478
00:17:31,900 --> 00:17:33,279
all of that. So

479
00:17:34,380 --> 00:17:36,240
yeah. The labels, the titles,

480
00:17:36,575 --> 00:17:38,414
whatever you have today does not you can

481
00:17:38,414 --> 00:17:39,535
use it for the rest of your damn

482
00:17:39,535 --> 00:17:41,375
life. You can also in six months because

483
00:17:41,375 --> 00:17:43,474
that one doesn't work. I wanna do this.

484
00:17:43,775 --> 00:17:46,255
And, yes, you can reject all labels and

485
00:17:46,255 --> 00:17:47,934
titles. You do not have to use them.

486
00:17:47,934 --> 00:17:48,994
They are not required.

487
00:17:50,109 --> 00:17:52,429
And and certainly, here's a little thing to

488
00:17:52,429 --> 00:17:54,190
slide in because some people figure this out

489
00:17:54,190 --> 00:17:55,569
quickly and some people don't.

490
00:17:56,750 --> 00:17:59,490
You don't have to use terms that

491
00:17:59,950 --> 00:18:00,450
stereotypically

492
00:18:01,630 --> 00:18:03,250
align with specific genders.

493
00:18:04,154 --> 00:18:05,994
The sheer amount of femme people I have

494
00:18:05,994 --> 00:18:08,875
seen online who definitely go by daddy, and

495
00:18:08,875 --> 00:18:09,535
I'm like,

496
00:18:09,835 --> 00:18:11,555
that is daddy energy, and I'm here for

497
00:18:11,555 --> 00:18:13,375
it. Right? Mhmm. Like, yes.

498
00:18:13,755 --> 00:18:14,255
Terms

499
00:18:15,115 --> 00:18:17,375
are and can be gendered. Also,

500
00:18:18,075 --> 00:18:19,839
you get get to go, yeah. Yeah. I'm

501
00:18:19,839 --> 00:18:21,220
a film presenting person.

502
00:18:21,759 --> 00:18:23,919
Normally, somebody might say mommy, but I like

503
00:18:23,919 --> 00:18:26,400
daddy better. You get to do that. That

504
00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:28,339
that's it's literally that

505
00:18:28,720 --> 00:18:30,099
personalized and customized.

506
00:18:31,075 --> 00:18:32,755
And as I said before, you also can

507
00:18:32,755 --> 00:18:35,154
just make up words. And I know that

508
00:18:35,154 --> 00:18:35,654
because

509
00:18:36,595 --> 00:18:39,394
in a couple videos ago, a couple episodes

510
00:18:39,394 --> 00:18:39,894
ago,

511
00:18:40,355 --> 00:18:42,835
I talked about, an online resource I'd come

512
00:18:42,835 --> 00:18:44,595
across through Reddit of somebody who had made

513
00:18:44,595 --> 00:18:46,215
these monster lists

514
00:18:47,009 --> 00:18:47,490
of,

515
00:18:48,289 --> 00:18:49,190
titles, honorifics,

516
00:18:50,210 --> 00:18:52,549
you know Mhmm. For both doms and subs,

517
00:18:53,730 --> 00:18:56,210
and monster list. And some are just the

518
00:18:56,210 --> 00:18:57,970
cutest little things. Some I'm like, I don't

519
00:18:57,970 --> 00:18:59,954
think that's technically a word, but who cares?

520
00:18:59,954 --> 00:19:01,634
It is now. We put the letters together

521
00:19:01,634 --> 00:19:04,274
and figured out a pronunciation. Tada. That's how

522
00:19:04,274 --> 00:19:05,174
words are made.

523
00:19:06,355 --> 00:19:07,554
And so I'll link to those in the

524
00:19:07,554 --> 00:19:10,674
places too for anybody who's still looking for

525
00:19:10,674 --> 00:19:12,615
the label or the title or the honorific

526
00:19:12,674 --> 00:19:13,494
that fits you.

527
00:19:13,954 --> 00:19:15,554
So what's the next thing on the list

528
00:19:15,554 --> 00:19:17,710
that's customizable? You're dynamic,

529
00:19:18,250 --> 00:19:21,309
which is your power exchange relationship. Fascinating.

530
00:19:21,610 --> 00:19:23,390
I know. What are your thoughts?

531
00:19:26,410 --> 00:19:28,269
It's like flavors of ice cream.

532
00:19:28,774 --> 00:19:30,394
And there's way more than thirty

533
00:19:30,855 --> 00:19:32,154
one? Thirty three?

534
00:19:32,534 --> 00:19:34,774
Yeah. I I lost count with Baskin Robbins.

535
00:19:34,774 --> 00:19:36,375
I think it was Baskin Robbins that Yeah.

536
00:19:36,375 --> 00:19:37,815
Yeah. I think there used to be 33,

537
00:19:37,815 --> 00:19:39,815
and I guess it's shrinkflation. Now there's 31.

538
00:19:39,815 --> 00:19:41,894
Maybe there's only 28 and a half now.

539
00:19:41,894 --> 00:19:42,359
I don't

540
00:19:44,440 --> 00:19:46,440
know. But but yeah. I I mean, it's

541
00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:47,500
all, you know

542
00:19:47,960 --> 00:19:49,319
yeah. What what do you want it to

543
00:19:49,319 --> 00:19:49,819
be?

544
00:19:51,480 --> 00:19:53,240
I am part of that is and I

545
00:19:53,240 --> 00:19:54,059
think people

546
00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:57,160
I think it's my fellow anxious people and

547
00:19:57,160 --> 00:19:59,535
perfectionist people who'd go through this, but maybe

548
00:19:59,535 --> 00:20:00,515
others do too,

549
00:20:00,974 --> 00:20:02,815
of you knew a little bit about kink

550
00:20:02,815 --> 00:20:04,414
enough to go, hey. I think I want

551
00:20:04,414 --> 00:20:05,315
this dynamic.

552
00:20:06,095 --> 00:20:08,414
You do that dynamic and either immediately or

553
00:20:08,414 --> 00:20:10,434
at some point you go, that doesn't fit.

554
00:20:10,494 --> 00:20:12,095
And too many of us go, I have

555
00:20:12,095 --> 00:20:14,599
failed kink. And then we're the SpongeBob and

556
00:20:14,599 --> 00:20:15,099
Patrick

557
00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:17,019
meme of them running around,

558
00:20:18,599 --> 00:20:21,019
the Krabby Patty in a panic. Right?

559
00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:24,359
Like, actually, no. You learn new things, and

560
00:20:24,359 --> 00:20:26,065
then you get to add that in, and

561
00:20:26,065 --> 00:20:28,065
you get to adjust. And ideally, if you

562
00:20:28,065 --> 00:20:29,125
are a person who

563
00:20:29,664 --> 00:20:31,265
is in a relationship with a person you

564
00:20:31,265 --> 00:20:32,705
would like to continue to be in a

565
00:20:32,705 --> 00:20:34,785
relationship with, they will adapt with you. They

566
00:20:34,785 --> 00:20:36,164
will adjust with you.

567
00:20:37,744 --> 00:20:39,265
My first thought when I think about how

568
00:20:39,265 --> 00:20:41,205
customizable a dynamic is,

569
00:20:42,259 --> 00:20:44,659
it it's almost infinite. There's almost too much

570
00:20:44,659 --> 00:20:46,900
to say about it, but there is just

571
00:20:46,900 --> 00:20:49,059
some broad strokes. So there is the air

572
00:20:49,059 --> 00:20:49,880
quote typical.

573
00:20:50,259 --> 00:20:52,519
I don't even like typical. Yeah. The

574
00:20:54,484 --> 00:20:57,684
stereotype, the comp I don't know, of it's

575
00:20:57,684 --> 00:20:58,904
a long term relationship.

576
00:20:59,205 --> 00:21:02,265
It's probably romantic. It's probably sexual,

577
00:21:03,045 --> 00:21:04,265
assuming both partners,

578
00:21:04,884 --> 00:21:07,365
you know, want and have sex with each

579
00:21:07,365 --> 00:21:09,865
other. And Dom Sub, and it's, like,

580
00:21:10,940 --> 00:21:13,820
fairly defined. And and even from the outside

581
00:21:13,820 --> 00:21:15,420
looking in, most people will go, I I

582
00:21:15,420 --> 00:21:16,640
think I know what that relationship

583
00:21:17,259 --> 00:21:18,559
is. That is

584
00:21:19,019 --> 00:21:21,519
so just mine. Of course, there are switches.

585
00:21:21,740 --> 00:21:23,515
And one of you can be a switch

586
00:21:23,515 --> 00:21:24,975
and both of you can be switches.

587
00:21:26,634 --> 00:21:28,075
I have not come across it a lot,

588
00:21:28,075 --> 00:21:29,515
but I know it exists. Both of you

589
00:21:29,515 --> 00:21:31,195
can be doms. Both of you can be

590
00:21:31,195 --> 00:21:33,134
subs. Now will you have challenges?

591
00:21:33,595 --> 00:21:35,914
Of course you will. Will you hopefully figure

592
00:21:35,914 --> 00:21:37,349
it out? We hope

593
00:21:37,910 --> 00:21:41,109
so. But there's also not all power exchange.

594
00:21:41,109 --> 00:21:43,429
Assuming you even want power exchange has to

595
00:21:43,429 --> 00:21:45,910
be romantic. It doesn't have to be god,

596
00:21:45,910 --> 00:21:47,609
please. It does not have to be sexual.

597
00:21:48,630 --> 00:21:49,929
If it had to be sexual,

598
00:21:50,295 --> 00:21:52,134
there was a very long period of time

599
00:21:52,134 --> 00:21:53,755
there, we would have been very dissatisfied.

600
00:21:54,295 --> 00:21:54,795
Mhmm.

601
00:21:55,095 --> 00:21:57,654
Because when neither of us was interested in

602
00:21:57,654 --> 00:22:01,575
sex for both physical reasons and emotional reasons

603
00:22:01,575 --> 00:22:03,894
and stress and anxiety and all the reasons

604
00:22:03,894 --> 00:22:05,549
you might one day want sex and then

605
00:22:05,549 --> 00:22:06,529
the next day not,

606
00:22:06,990 --> 00:22:09,069
we still had kink. We still had kink

607
00:22:09,069 --> 00:22:11,089
things we could do that were

608
00:22:11,549 --> 00:22:12,049
intimate.

609
00:22:12,349 --> 00:22:14,429
And sure, maybe one of us was turned

610
00:22:14,429 --> 00:22:16,130
on in the moment, but

611
00:22:16,990 --> 00:22:18,910
did not lead to did not need to

612
00:22:18,910 --> 00:22:20,184
lead to sex for it to be a

613
00:22:20,184 --> 00:22:20,684
good

614
00:22:21,065 --> 00:22:21,565
time.

615
00:22:22,184 --> 00:22:24,585
You can be a person who is not

616
00:22:24,585 --> 00:22:26,424
in a relationship and you have friends who

617
00:22:26,424 --> 00:22:29,144
are kinky. And you have established dynamics with

618
00:22:29,144 --> 00:22:31,305
them in some way, but it's not your

619
00:22:31,305 --> 00:22:33,630
end all be all. You can be long

620
00:22:33,630 --> 00:22:35,630
distance. God knows we all know that. And

621
00:22:35,630 --> 00:22:38,130
a long distance power exchange is completely

622
00:22:38,430 --> 00:22:38,930
different

623
00:22:39,309 --> 00:22:40,769
in person power exchange

624
00:22:41,470 --> 00:22:44,110
even if it's not romantic and sexual and

625
00:22:44,110 --> 00:22:45,789
you're not planning on getting married one day.

626
00:22:45,789 --> 00:22:47,009
Right? So

627
00:22:47,455 --> 00:22:50,654
there's no, oh, I'm no. I'm kinky. I

628
00:22:50,654 --> 00:22:52,095
know I'm submissive, so I'm supposed to go

629
00:22:52,095 --> 00:22:54,975
find a dom. We're supposed to, you know,

630
00:22:54,975 --> 00:22:57,215
move in together in about six point five

631
00:22:57,215 --> 00:22:59,215
months. And two point two years from now,

632
00:22:59,215 --> 00:23:00,115
we'll be married

633
00:23:00,414 --> 00:23:02,880
and we'll uh-uh. Fuck that. Fuck that. Fuck

634
00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:03,460
that. What?

635
00:23:04,880 --> 00:23:07,039
Let me remind you. Kink is supposed to

636
00:23:07,039 --> 00:23:08,960
fit into the life you have and the

637
00:23:08,960 --> 00:23:10,799
the life you want. You are not supposed

638
00:23:10,799 --> 00:23:12,880
to twist yourself up and burn down your

639
00:23:12,880 --> 00:23:13,619
whole life

640
00:23:13,920 --> 00:23:15,539
to fit some sort of

641
00:23:16,565 --> 00:23:17,845
supposed air quote,

642
00:23:18,404 --> 00:23:21,525
standard big fat fucking air quotes of whatever

643
00:23:21,525 --> 00:23:23,204
you think power exchange is supposed to be

644
00:23:23,204 --> 00:23:24,805
or somebody has told you is the true

645
00:23:24,805 --> 00:23:26,884
way or the one way. It makes me

646
00:23:26,884 --> 00:23:28,184
wanna gag every time.

647
00:23:29,720 --> 00:23:31,240
The thing is is I don't even have

648
00:23:31,240 --> 00:23:32,220
enough imagination

649
00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:33,500
to

650
00:23:34,279 --> 00:23:36,839
give you a million examples of what a

651
00:23:36,839 --> 00:23:38,619
dynamic can look like.

652
00:23:39,079 --> 00:23:40,460
But every time somebody

653
00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:44,115
messages in, DMs, emails, whatever whatever, and they're

654
00:23:44,115 --> 00:23:45,875
like, oh, well, we're only doing it this

655
00:23:45,875 --> 00:23:48,515
way. And I, you know, I taught my

656
00:23:48,515 --> 00:23:51,075
partner, but they, you know, submit in the

657
00:23:51,315 --> 00:23:52,934
and are we doing it right?

658
00:23:53,795 --> 00:23:55,634
Are you both happy with what you're doing?

659
00:23:55,634 --> 00:23:58,509
Mhmm. You communicate clearly. Yeah. There's clear,

660
00:23:59,210 --> 00:24:02,169
enthusiastic and informed consent, and you've assessed your

661
00:24:02,169 --> 00:24:04,250
risks. Right. You've done it right. Nobody's getting

662
00:24:04,250 --> 00:24:06,490
hurt. Yeah. You've done it right. Because truly,

663
00:24:06,490 --> 00:24:08,809
they're the we say this we've said this

664
00:24:08,809 --> 00:24:10,669
many times before. Let's say it again here.

665
00:24:10,809 --> 00:24:12,250
We used to say there's only two rules

666
00:24:12,250 --> 00:24:14,694
in kink. But I've since personally added a

667
00:24:14,694 --> 00:24:16,855
third, because it does need to be, like,

668
00:24:16,855 --> 00:24:17,595
thought about.

669
00:24:18,054 --> 00:24:20,295
You have to have consent. Mhmm. You have

670
00:24:20,295 --> 00:24:22,454
to communicate as effectively as you can. That

671
00:24:22,454 --> 00:24:24,535
will be a skill you probably have to

672
00:24:24,535 --> 00:24:26,694
learn, so you'll get better at it. And

673
00:24:26,694 --> 00:24:27,994
you have to assess

674
00:24:28,589 --> 00:24:30,990
for risks and mitigate them to the best

675
00:24:30,990 --> 00:24:33,150
of your ability. That I've started sort of

676
00:24:33,150 --> 00:24:35,250
adding on because too many people

677
00:24:36,669 --> 00:24:39,470
think that some kink is, like, has risks,

678
00:24:39,470 --> 00:24:40,529
but not all kink.

679
00:24:41,309 --> 00:24:43,970
All kink. Every part of the kink spectrum,

680
00:24:44,315 --> 00:24:46,234
every little activity you can imagine under the

681
00:24:46,234 --> 00:24:48,015
let that fall under the letters BDSM,

682
00:24:48,875 --> 00:24:49,375
everything

683
00:24:49,755 --> 00:24:51,454
has some level of risk.

684
00:24:51,994 --> 00:24:54,414
Some things will be less risky than others.

685
00:24:55,035 --> 00:24:57,339
The risks will present differently. They're not always

686
00:24:57,339 --> 00:24:59,179
physical harm. They can absolutely be mental and

687
00:24:59,179 --> 00:25:00,079
emotional harm.

688
00:25:01,740 --> 00:25:03,119
Everything in BDSM

689
00:25:03,500 --> 00:25:04,559
carries a risk.

690
00:25:05,019 --> 00:25:06,940
You have to assess for yourself and with

691
00:25:06,940 --> 00:25:07,519
a partner

692
00:25:07,980 --> 00:25:10,365
where your line is of, like, yeah. There's

693
00:25:10,365 --> 00:25:12,045
risk there, but I'm I'm good. We can

694
00:25:12,045 --> 00:25:13,724
move forward. And where your line is, nope.

695
00:25:13,724 --> 00:25:15,964
That's too far for me. Right? We all

696
00:25:15,964 --> 00:25:16,625
have them.

697
00:25:17,325 --> 00:25:19,025
That's how I feel about that. Woah.

698
00:25:19,805 --> 00:25:20,545
Do you

699
00:25:22,250 --> 00:25:24,009
do you agree? I've made up that there's

700
00:25:24,009 --> 00:25:26,170
three year olds. No. I I do agree

701
00:25:26,170 --> 00:25:28,250
with that. I do agree. Sorry. I just

702
00:25:28,250 --> 00:25:29,609
I just made it up on my own.

703
00:25:29,609 --> 00:25:30,809
I did not make up the fact that

704
00:25:30,809 --> 00:25:32,990
you need communication, consent, and rest assessment,

705
00:25:33,289 --> 00:25:36,250
but saying it here. That's three year olds

706
00:25:36,250 --> 00:25:37,125
in that too.

707
00:25:39,605 --> 00:25:41,204
Debbie has walked away. I will wait for

708
00:25:41,204 --> 00:25:43,125
Debbie to get back before we get to

709
00:25:43,125 --> 00:25:44,184
the next thing

710
00:25:44,644 --> 00:25:46,265
that is completely customizable

711
00:25:47,525 --> 00:25:48,825
into a power exchange.

712
00:25:50,164 --> 00:25:52,619
Okay. Sorry. And that is who does what

713
00:25:53,099 --> 00:25:54,079
in the relationship.

714
00:25:54,539 --> 00:25:56,539
So now I'm coming at it from the

715
00:25:56,539 --> 00:26:00,319
perspective of long term living together because

716
00:26:00,859 --> 00:26:03,279
those are the activities I am most intimately

717
00:26:03,420 --> 00:26:05,180
involved with and can think of off the

718
00:26:05,180 --> 00:26:06,799
top of my head. But

719
00:26:08,765 --> 00:26:09,505
the any

720
00:26:09,884 --> 00:26:12,045
way that you're pairing up or more than

721
00:26:12,045 --> 00:26:14,204
pairing up or living your kink life and

722
00:26:14,204 --> 00:26:15,804
the dynamics you choose to have with other

723
00:26:15,804 --> 00:26:17,644
people, this gets expressed in a lot of

724
00:26:17,644 --> 00:26:20,144
different ways. But the example I want

725
00:26:20,605 --> 00:26:21,585
to give here

726
00:26:22,285 --> 00:26:23,105
is that,

727
00:26:23,519 --> 00:26:25,779
yes, I am the submissive in this relationship.

728
00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:28,400
Mhmm. I am a service submissive, which just

729
00:26:28,400 --> 00:26:29,859
means I do a lot of things

730
00:26:30,880 --> 00:26:33,440
for my own, like, personal happiness because it

731
00:26:33,440 --> 00:26:34,720
it makes me happy to do it and

732
00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:36,320
because JB said so, and I agreed to

733
00:26:36,320 --> 00:26:36,820
it.

734
00:26:37,599 --> 00:26:40,444
But there's no standard for what that means.

735
00:26:40,444 --> 00:26:42,865
What that means in practice is JB absolutely

736
00:26:43,484 --> 00:26:45,964
washes laundry and washes dishes and cooks dinner.

737
00:26:45,964 --> 00:26:48,044
Mhmm. I don't take on all domestic chores

738
00:26:48,044 --> 00:26:50,684
because I'm a service sub. No. Right? If

739
00:26:50,684 --> 00:26:52,799
we were trying to raise small children I'm

740
00:26:52,799 --> 00:26:54,240
so glad we're not trying to raise small

741
00:26:54,240 --> 00:26:55,059
children anymore,

742
00:26:55,759 --> 00:26:58,480
we would share that. There is no you're

743
00:26:58,480 --> 00:27:00,980
the fem person, you're the submissive person, whatever.

744
00:27:01,039 --> 00:27:02,980
You have to do these things.

745
00:27:05,214 --> 00:27:08,014
Within your dynamic and within your life with

746
00:27:08,014 --> 00:27:10,494
a relationship with a partner where you're gonna

747
00:27:10,494 --> 00:27:12,575
interact enough that some of one of you

748
00:27:12,575 --> 00:27:14,335
takes on certain tasks and another one of

749
00:27:14,335 --> 00:27:15,554
you takes on other tasks,

750
00:27:16,254 --> 00:27:18,559
that is based on what you're willing to

751
00:27:18,559 --> 00:27:20,140
do, what you consent to.

752
00:27:21,799 --> 00:27:23,640
We do it based on who's got the

753
00:27:23,640 --> 00:27:26,380
skills. And these days, we also add,

754
00:27:27,720 --> 00:27:30,714
who whose brain can handle this task better?

755
00:27:30,934 --> 00:27:33,255
Meaning, if it's too boring and I'm not

756
00:27:33,255 --> 00:27:35,575
getting enough dopamine from it, it's probably not

757
00:27:35,575 --> 00:27:37,515
the task for me to have to do

758
00:27:37,734 --> 00:27:38,234
consistently.

759
00:27:39,414 --> 00:27:42,535
That's why, laundry gets washed on Sundays, but

760
00:27:42,535 --> 00:27:45,049
it's usually not folded till Thursday.

761
00:27:46,070 --> 00:27:46,970
Because I

762
00:27:47,590 --> 00:27:49,830
we knew I couldn't wash the laundry because

763
00:27:49,830 --> 00:27:51,190
I'd walk away and forget it, and we'd

764
00:27:51,190 --> 00:27:52,710
wash it five times before it ever made

765
00:27:52,710 --> 00:27:54,870
it into a dryer. JB was like, I'll

766
00:27:54,870 --> 00:27:56,950
wash the laundry. I can do that. Cool.

767
00:27:56,950 --> 00:27:59,025
He's like, please don't make me fold. Cool.

768
00:27:59,164 --> 00:28:00,765
I can fold. And this was at a

769
00:28:00,765 --> 00:28:03,585
time when my hormone levels were, like, stabilized

770
00:28:03,644 --> 00:28:04,625
and I could remember.

771
00:28:05,884 --> 00:28:07,025
That's no different.

772
00:28:07,404 --> 00:28:09,105
See our past episode on perimenopause.

773
00:28:10,779 --> 00:28:11,900
It'll take me a few days to get

774
00:28:11,900 --> 00:28:13,259
to it. But I do I do it.

775
00:28:13,259 --> 00:28:15,819
We split tasks are not split along. My

776
00:28:15,819 --> 00:28:18,299
point is tasks are not split along your

777
00:28:18,299 --> 00:28:19,200
DOM subline.

778
00:28:19,900 --> 00:28:22,299
No. There's nothing that a DOM automatically does.

779
00:28:22,299 --> 00:28:23,835
There's nothing a sub automatically

780
00:28:24,154 --> 00:28:26,394
Right. And there and there are things that

781
00:28:26,394 --> 00:28:28,154
I defer to you because you have more

782
00:28:28,154 --> 00:28:29,054
knowledge about,

783
00:28:29,674 --> 00:28:31,755
the subject topic than than I do. Out

784
00:28:31,755 --> 00:28:32,954
when you're like, go ahead. Take the lead.

785
00:28:32,954 --> 00:28:34,494
Tell me what we're gonna do. Mhmm.

786
00:28:34,954 --> 00:28:36,394
I will, because I know what I know,

787
00:28:36,394 --> 00:28:37,914
and let's do it right the first fucking

788
00:28:37,914 --> 00:28:39,970
time. But also, it's still weird. But see

789
00:28:40,049 --> 00:28:41,250
and that's the other thing. When we talk

790
00:28:41,250 --> 00:28:43,170
about there's nothing that a Dom's always do

791
00:28:43,170 --> 00:28:45,350
and what subs always do, that is true.

792
00:28:45,809 --> 00:28:46,950
But those conversations

793
00:28:47,730 --> 00:28:49,190
completely leave out switches.

794
00:28:49,809 --> 00:28:51,730
Like, switches out here are like, well, sometimes

795
00:28:51,730 --> 00:28:53,890
I'm Dom and sometimes I'm sub. What would

796
00:28:53,890 --> 00:28:56,365
that even mean if we followed that thinking

797
00:28:56,585 --> 00:28:58,105
that a Dom always does this and a

798
00:28:58,105 --> 00:28:59,325
sub always does that?

799
00:29:01,224 --> 00:29:03,465
Mhmm. For any switches out there who've come

800
00:29:03,465 --> 00:29:05,865
across this thinking, I would be very curious

801
00:29:05,865 --> 00:29:07,865
to know what went on in your brain

802
00:29:07,865 --> 00:29:10,529
when you realize that people absolutely think that's

803
00:29:10,529 --> 00:29:13,089
about our exchanges, and you're over here going,

804
00:29:13,089 --> 00:29:14,149
I know that's not

805
00:29:14,609 --> 00:29:16,069
how this works. Right?

806
00:29:17,409 --> 00:29:19,490
So, yeah, there's no there's no standard in

807
00:29:19,490 --> 00:29:22,450
the roles that you No. Accept for yourself.

808
00:29:22,450 --> 00:29:24,305
You're like, okay. Yes. I'm submissive, and here's

809
00:29:24,305 --> 00:29:25,984
what that means to me. But that doesn't

810
00:29:25,984 --> 00:29:27,984
mean there's this checklist of things you're supposed

811
00:29:27,984 --> 00:29:30,144
to do that every sub does. Right? You

812
00:29:30,144 --> 00:29:31,105
know what I mean? I mean, if if

813
00:29:31,105 --> 00:29:32,545
it was everything was the same, then we'd

814
00:29:32,545 --> 00:29:33,445
all be, like,

815
00:29:34,865 --> 00:29:35,365
Stepford

816
00:29:35,825 --> 00:29:38,539
d s. Oh, god. Kinky Stepfords? Not

817
00:29:40,039 --> 00:29:40,539
would

818
00:29:42,279 --> 00:29:44,059
I watch that movie? Yes.

819
00:29:44,600 --> 00:29:46,779
Would I want to live that life? No.

820
00:29:47,559 --> 00:29:50,375
No. No. You'd have you'd have to sedate

821
00:29:50,375 --> 00:29:51,815
me. I'd have to be drugged for that.

822
00:29:51,815 --> 00:29:53,735
Mhmm. Valium? I don't know. What do they

823
00:29:53,735 --> 00:29:55,335
use? I don't know. I'd have to be

824
00:29:55,335 --> 00:29:57,515
drugged to be a kinky Stepford boy.

825
00:29:58,695 --> 00:30:00,955
But, you know, when people are trying to

826
00:30:01,015 --> 00:30:02,855
figure out their kink life and they're looking

827
00:30:02,855 --> 00:30:05,980
at, air quote, this, your regular life, for

828
00:30:05,980 --> 00:30:07,740
us, our kink life and our, quote, regular

829
00:30:07,740 --> 00:30:09,340
life, it's all one and the same. Other

830
00:30:09,340 --> 00:30:11,680
people differentiate it for themselves and that's fine.

831
00:30:11,900 --> 00:30:13,420
But they're looking at the life they lead,

832
00:30:13,420 --> 00:30:14,720
the job they have,

833
00:30:15,340 --> 00:30:16,080
the responsibilities

834
00:30:16,700 --> 00:30:18,424
they have in their home and outside of

835
00:30:18,424 --> 00:30:20,585
their home, the other relationships they have with

836
00:30:20,585 --> 00:30:22,664
people that not necessarily romantic or sexual, but,

837
00:30:22,664 --> 00:30:24,424
like, that's my mom and I do that.

838
00:30:24,424 --> 00:30:26,105
That's my cousin and I do that. That

839
00:30:26,184 --> 00:30:27,085
whatever. Right?

840
00:30:28,105 --> 00:30:28,605
And

841
00:30:29,240 --> 00:30:30,680
then you turn and look at this power

842
00:30:30,680 --> 00:30:32,680
exchange, this dynamic, this kink light. And I

843
00:30:32,680 --> 00:30:35,000
I do differentiate those things. Some people have

844
00:30:35,000 --> 00:30:37,160
a power exchange, and some people have a

845
00:30:37,160 --> 00:30:38,920
top bottom situation. And some people are just

846
00:30:38,920 --> 00:30:40,759
living their best kinky life, and they're got

847
00:30:40,759 --> 00:30:43,240
multiple partners or they keep it casual. Like,

848
00:30:43,240 --> 00:30:43,964
it's all of that.

849
00:30:46,044 --> 00:30:47,825
Right? They will think, well, I'm

850
00:30:48,125 --> 00:30:50,044
supposed air quotes, supposed to do these things

851
00:30:50,044 --> 00:30:51,964
because I am this label I have given

852
00:30:51,964 --> 00:30:54,845
myself. I identify with this role, submissive, for

853
00:30:54,845 --> 00:30:57,164
an example. But none half those things don't

854
00:30:57,164 --> 00:30:58,684
fit with your life. You either don't have

855
00:30:58,684 --> 00:31:00,339
time for them. You don't have the energy

856
00:31:00,339 --> 00:31:02,259
for them. You usually pay somebody else to

857
00:31:02,259 --> 00:31:03,460
do them for you. And if you do,

858
00:31:03,460 --> 00:31:05,880
I'm very happy for you. Jealous, but happy.

859
00:31:06,259 --> 00:31:08,339
Right? They don't align with your interests. They

860
00:31:08,339 --> 00:31:10,359
aren't things you would ever do for anybody.

861
00:31:10,579 --> 00:31:11,859
Why do you have to do them? You

862
00:31:11,859 --> 00:31:13,700
see what I'm saying? Like, you have this

863
00:31:13,700 --> 00:31:16,414
whole bright colorful life you're hopefully leading.

864
00:31:16,955 --> 00:31:18,715
You go, hey. I'm kinky, and here let

865
00:31:18,715 --> 00:31:19,914
me go figure out what that means to

866
00:31:19,914 --> 00:31:20,414
me.

867
00:31:20,715 --> 00:31:23,535
And then some dumbass on the fucking Internet

868
00:31:23,595 --> 00:31:26,095
try or at a munch, happens both places,

869
00:31:26,555 --> 00:31:28,569
tries to give you some weird laundry list

870
00:31:28,569 --> 00:31:30,009
of, oh, well, you're a sub. This is

871
00:31:30,009 --> 00:31:30,829
what you do.

872
00:31:31,529 --> 00:31:33,769
Fuck that. Let me say the thing that

873
00:31:33,769 --> 00:31:35,450
I say a million times. This is a

874
00:31:35,450 --> 00:31:37,609
great place for it. Whatever your kink life

875
00:31:37,609 --> 00:31:39,944
is, it's a when you you're interacting with

876
00:31:39,944 --> 00:31:42,444
a partner, you're interacting within your role, submissive,

877
00:31:42,744 --> 00:31:45,565
dom, whatever. It's a fucking Venn diagram.

878
00:31:45,944 --> 00:31:48,184
There's stuff you're willing to do. There's the

879
00:31:48,184 --> 00:31:50,505
stuff they're willing to do. And then there's

880
00:31:50,505 --> 00:31:52,265
the the stuff in the center that you're

881
00:31:52,265 --> 00:31:53,005
both like,

882
00:31:53,464 --> 00:31:55,779
yeah. Sure. And there will be stuff that

883
00:31:55,779 --> 00:31:58,039
you'd really like to do that your current

884
00:31:58,180 --> 00:31:59,720
partner is not interested,

885
00:32:00,180 --> 00:32:01,160
now or ever.

886
00:32:01,539 --> 00:32:03,619
Same goes for them. All we're looking for

887
00:32:03,619 --> 00:32:05,080
is what's the common ground.

888
00:32:05,460 --> 00:32:07,220
If you can find the common ground and

889
00:32:07,220 --> 00:32:08,600
build a dynamic

890
00:32:09,765 --> 00:32:10,585
relationship, whatever,

891
00:32:11,125 --> 00:32:13,205
that is satisfying to you, that works for

892
00:32:13,205 --> 00:32:15,525
the life you have and allows you to

893
00:32:15,525 --> 00:32:16,744
grow as a kinkster,

894
00:32:17,924 --> 00:32:19,845
then you can decide for yourself, hey. Do

895
00:32:19,845 --> 00:32:21,445
I wanna learn more? Hey. Do I wanna

896
00:32:21,445 --> 00:32:23,365
explore that thing my partner said they were

897
00:32:23,365 --> 00:32:25,380
interested in but I wasn't interested in? Hey.

898
00:32:25,380 --> 00:32:27,140
Do we wanna bring some of these things

899
00:32:27,140 --> 00:32:29,619
that didn't fit in our original Venn diagram?

900
00:32:29,619 --> 00:32:31,960
Do we wanna expand our Venn diagram?

901
00:32:32,259 --> 00:32:34,660
Or do you, depending on how you're wired,

902
00:32:34,660 --> 00:32:36,359
do you have this Venn diagram

903
00:32:36,660 --> 00:32:37,875
with this partner, partner? And then you got

904
00:32:37,875 --> 00:32:39,795
another partner over here with a completely separate

905
00:32:39,795 --> 00:32:40,695
Venn diagram.

906
00:32:41,555 --> 00:32:44,515
That is how this works. Mhmm. There's not

907
00:32:44,515 --> 00:32:47,174
a kink activity. There's not a domestic activity.

908
00:32:47,315 --> 00:32:49,955
There's not a role based activity that is

909
00:32:49,955 --> 00:32:50,455
standard.

910
00:32:51,569 --> 00:32:52,549
None of it. Mm-mm.

911
00:32:52,849 --> 00:32:53,349
Will

912
00:32:53,970 --> 00:32:56,309
many people fit within commonalities?

913
00:32:56,849 --> 00:32:57,669
Sure. Yeah.

914
00:32:57,970 --> 00:33:00,609
Stereotypes exist for a reason. Cliches exist for

915
00:33:00,609 --> 00:33:02,849
a reason. Right? But there will always be

916
00:33:02,849 --> 00:33:04,069
people who are like,

917
00:33:04,529 --> 00:33:06,154
do do you? That's great. I'm a be

918
00:33:06,154 --> 00:33:08,654
over here doing something completely fucking different.

919
00:33:09,194 --> 00:33:10,714
And that they're just as valid as you

920
00:33:10,714 --> 00:33:13,615
are. And quite frankly, if you find yourself

921
00:33:13,674 --> 00:33:15,934
falling within the air quotes stereotypical,

922
00:33:16,394 --> 00:33:16,894
like,

923
00:33:17,355 --> 00:33:19,914
what some seem to describe as the air

924
00:33:19,914 --> 00:33:21,079
quote right way.

925
00:33:21,460 --> 00:33:22,740
I'm sorry. I have to gag every time

926
00:33:22,740 --> 00:33:23,640
I think about that.

927
00:33:25,220 --> 00:33:27,859
What might happen is as you grow confident

928
00:33:27,859 --> 00:33:30,259
in yourself, you grow confident in your relationship,

929
00:33:30,259 --> 00:33:31,559
you learn more about kink.

930
00:33:31,859 --> 00:33:34,099
You start pushing away from those stereotypes. You

931
00:33:34,099 --> 00:33:36,554
start doing things that others might go, oh,

932
00:33:36,554 --> 00:33:38,954
I didn't know submissive did that. Well, I

933
00:33:38,954 --> 00:33:40,634
didn't know you were dumbass either. But, you

934
00:33:40,634 --> 00:33:41,694
know, okay. Maybe

935
00:33:42,234 --> 00:33:43,674
look. I'll be a bitch. You don't have

936
00:33:43,674 --> 00:33:44,254
to be.

937
00:33:47,194 --> 00:33:48,174
But that's

938
00:33:48,710 --> 00:33:50,309
that's a point that I think a lot

939
00:33:50,309 --> 00:33:52,809
of newbies miss. They think there's this checklist

940
00:33:52,869 --> 00:33:54,710
and a standard and a way and a

941
00:33:54,710 --> 00:33:56,549
thing that everybody does, and then it doesn't

942
00:33:56,549 --> 00:33:58,150
fit their life. And instead of going, well,

943
00:33:58,150 --> 00:33:59,829
I just won't do that thing. I just

944
00:33:59,829 --> 00:34:00,809
won't do that thing.

945
00:34:01,705 --> 00:34:04,525
They're either going, I'm clearly not kinky or

946
00:34:04,585 --> 00:34:07,225
they're making themselves miserable doing shit they don't

947
00:34:07,225 --> 00:34:09,785
wanna do because somebody told them that's what

948
00:34:09,785 --> 00:34:11,644
doms do, that's what subs do.

949
00:34:13,880 --> 00:34:15,239
Sorry. I have to make the gaggy fates.

950
00:34:15,239 --> 00:34:16,059
It's okay.

951
00:34:16,519 --> 00:34:17,720
Anything you'd like to add before I go

952
00:34:17,720 --> 00:34:19,400
to my next one? The last one on

953
00:34:19,400 --> 00:34:20,619
my list, unless you

954
00:34:21,079 --> 00:34:23,820
wanna add something, is actual kink activities.

955
00:34:24,119 --> 00:34:26,059
Right. This is where I wanna talk about

956
00:34:26,599 --> 00:34:27,855
things you might do as a dom and

957
00:34:27,855 --> 00:34:29,135
sub and things you might do as a

958
00:34:29,135 --> 00:34:29,795
top bottom

959
00:34:30,255 --> 00:34:31,855
because you can be a dom and still

960
00:34:31,855 --> 00:34:33,614
bottom. You can be a sub and still

961
00:34:33,614 --> 00:34:34,114
top.

962
00:34:34,894 --> 00:34:36,815
In in some things, not all things. And

963
00:34:36,815 --> 00:34:37,715
that is a thing

964
00:34:38,255 --> 00:34:40,114
we'd like people to remember.

965
00:34:40,574 --> 00:34:43,789
Mhmm. What say you? Yeah. It yeah. Again,

966
00:34:45,369 --> 00:34:47,930
just like, you don't like you don't like

967
00:34:47,930 --> 00:34:48,750
being caned.

968
00:34:49,050 --> 00:34:49,550
Uh-uh.

969
00:34:50,730 --> 00:34:52,490
I do not. Imagine if,

970
00:34:53,450 --> 00:34:54,910
canes were the standard.

971
00:34:57,054 --> 00:34:58,655
I'd be very Boy, that that that look

972
00:34:58,655 --> 00:35:01,235
was, priceless. It'd be very

973
00:35:04,494 --> 00:35:06,735
nice. So, you know, they're they're right there.

974
00:35:06,735 --> 00:35:08,434
That that shows you the point,

975
00:35:09,250 --> 00:35:11,250
you know, of what what you can,

976
00:35:12,210 --> 00:35:14,369
work with, what you can do. Mhmm. Alright.

977
00:35:14,369 --> 00:35:16,849
You know, you you talk about, service submissives.

978
00:35:16,849 --> 00:35:20,210
Yes. There are many service submissives out there

979
00:35:20,210 --> 00:35:22,230
who are willing to do housework,

980
00:35:23,105 --> 00:35:24,964
but not everyone is. Right.

981
00:35:25,264 --> 00:35:25,585
So

982
00:35:26,224 --> 00:35:28,224
I'm thinking of a current example that we're

983
00:35:28,224 --> 00:35:28,704
about to,

984
00:35:29,904 --> 00:35:31,664
I think experiment with a little bit. You

985
00:35:31,664 --> 00:35:32,885
were you were

986
00:35:33,344 --> 00:35:33,844
dominant,

987
00:35:35,329 --> 00:35:37,809
But you are also a curious motherfucker. And

988
00:35:37,809 --> 00:35:39,730
you wanna know what shit feels like. And

989
00:35:39,730 --> 00:35:41,030
you are currently exploring

990
00:35:41,329 --> 00:35:42,070
cock cages

991
00:35:42,449 --> 00:35:45,250
for yourself. Yeah. I won't even be involved

992
00:35:45,250 --> 00:35:46,309
in that most likely.

993
00:35:46,690 --> 00:35:47,909
That is a thing that

994
00:35:48,385 --> 00:35:48,885
is

995
00:35:49,825 --> 00:35:51,184
and it makes sense that it would be.

996
00:35:51,184 --> 00:35:53,525
But it is most often associated with bottoming

997
00:35:53,585 --> 00:35:55,605
or submitting. Like, your

998
00:35:56,144 --> 00:35:58,704
cock gets locked up and somebody is controlling

999
00:35:58,704 --> 00:36:00,144
that key and somebody is telling you you

1000
00:36:00,144 --> 00:36:01,744
couldn't touch yourself and somebody is telling you

1001
00:36:01,744 --> 00:36:02,305
you get

1002
00:36:02,864 --> 00:36:03,449
all that.

1003
00:36:04,489 --> 00:36:06,589
Or you could just be a curious fuck,

1004
00:36:07,050 --> 00:36:08,650
do it, and go, actually, this feels kinda

1005
00:36:08,650 --> 00:36:10,170
good. I think I'll just do it to

1006
00:36:10,170 --> 00:36:11,230
myself. Mhmm.

1007
00:36:13,130 --> 00:36:15,929
You know, there are I'm just pulling examples

1008
00:36:15,929 --> 00:36:18,265
from things people have told me. Right. You

1009
00:36:18,265 --> 00:36:20,844
absolutely can be completely dominant,

1010
00:36:21,144 --> 00:36:23,785
big d dominant in your power exchange and

1011
00:36:23,785 --> 00:36:26,025
also wanna get your ass beat with a

1012
00:36:26,025 --> 00:36:28,525
fucking paddle. Because it's not about the submission,

1013
00:36:28,585 --> 00:36:31,065
air quote, that, that is assumed in being

1014
00:36:31,065 --> 00:36:33,769
the bottom of of impact, it's the sensation.

1015
00:36:33,829 --> 00:36:34,730
It's the

1016
00:36:35,030 --> 00:36:37,450
way it relaxes you. It's it's the whatever.

1017
00:36:37,510 --> 00:36:40,390
Like, it's the whatever you feel when you

1018
00:36:40,390 --> 00:36:42,390
experience it. I mean, let let let's use

1019
00:36:42,390 --> 00:36:45,045
rope for example. I like rope. I like

1020
00:36:45,045 --> 00:36:45,545
tying.

1021
00:36:46,244 --> 00:36:48,105
I also like to be tied.

1022
00:36:48,565 --> 00:36:50,025
How did I not know that?

1023
00:36:51,844 --> 00:36:54,324
That feels like new information to me. How

1024
00:36:54,324 --> 00:36:56,025
could that be? Where have you been?

1025
00:36:56,780 --> 00:36:58,159
I I've said this

1026
00:36:58,539 --> 00:37:00,219
time I think you've talked to your other

1027
00:37:00,219 --> 00:37:03,280
kinky friends. No. I have. Okay. Yeah.

1028
00:37:04,300 --> 00:37:05,739
But, yeah. I mean, it

1029
00:37:06,339 --> 00:37:08,539
it's back when I could, when I was

1030
00:37:08,539 --> 00:37:10,400
limber enough, I used to self tie.

1031
00:37:10,875 --> 00:37:12,635
I always thought you were just practicing your

1032
00:37:12,635 --> 00:37:14,474
tie. It was a bit of both. But

1033
00:37:14,474 --> 00:37:16,635
you like the sensation. Yeah. Now here's what's

1034
00:37:16,635 --> 00:37:17,135
hilarious.

1035
00:37:17,514 --> 00:37:18,255
I am

1036
00:37:18,875 --> 00:37:21,275
I am a wiggly rope bottom on my

1037
00:37:21,275 --> 00:37:22,094
best day.

1038
00:37:22,715 --> 00:37:24,255
No patience. But

1039
00:37:26,150 --> 00:37:27,369
I could absolutely

1040
00:37:27,829 --> 00:37:29,130
enjoy seeing you

1041
00:37:29,590 --> 00:37:32,070
be tied up. I probably wouldn't do the

1042
00:37:32,070 --> 00:37:33,829
tying. I just don't have interest in I'm

1043
00:37:33,829 --> 00:37:35,829
not trying to, like, accidentally, like, hurt you

1044
00:37:35,829 --> 00:37:36,390
or anything.

1045
00:37:38,230 --> 00:37:40,065
You are no less dominant. I'm no less

1046
00:37:40,144 --> 00:37:41,605
submissive. But also,

1047
00:37:42,144 --> 00:37:44,224
JB says, I like being tied up. Cool.

1048
00:37:44,224 --> 00:37:47,105
There's no immediate expectation that I will do

1049
00:37:47,105 --> 00:37:48,164
that for him

1050
00:37:48,545 --> 00:37:50,224
as a service. Yeah. I mean, could I

1051
00:37:50,224 --> 00:37:51,664
be talked into it as a service? I'm

1052
00:37:51,664 --> 00:37:52,110
sure I could.

1053
00:37:53,070 --> 00:37:54,769
Nor is there this automatic

1054
00:37:55,390 --> 00:37:56,910
assumption that he's gotta go out and find

1055
00:37:56,910 --> 00:37:58,190
somebody who'll do it for him or that

1056
00:37:58,430 --> 00:38:00,110
Mhmm. I'll just switch and do it for

1057
00:38:00,110 --> 00:38:01,970
him. Yeah. You see what I mean? Like,

1058
00:38:02,030 --> 00:38:03,650
you can like what you like

1059
00:38:05,655 --> 00:38:08,535
irrespective of your role. Your role within a

1060
00:38:08,535 --> 00:38:10,235
power exchange with a person

1061
00:38:10,695 --> 00:38:12,474
does not have to dictate

1062
00:38:13,255 --> 00:38:15,255
what you want to experience in the actual

1063
00:38:15,255 --> 00:38:16,075
kink activities

1064
00:38:16,934 --> 00:38:19,355
that are independent of a relationship,

1065
00:38:20,289 --> 00:38:21,349
if that makes sense.

1066
00:38:21,969 --> 00:38:23,969
And I think too many people forget that.

1067
00:38:23,969 --> 00:38:25,929
It's like, oh, it goes back to the

1068
00:38:26,049 --> 00:38:28,069
well, I'm a masochist, but I'm not submissive.

1069
00:38:29,489 --> 00:38:32,069
Valid. I'm submissive, but I don't like pain.

1070
00:38:32,849 --> 00:38:35,625
Valid. Mhmm. How many of us came into

1071
00:38:35,625 --> 00:38:37,965
kink and somehow got the message that,

1072
00:38:38,425 --> 00:38:41,065
all doms doms like giving pain? No. They

1073
00:38:41,065 --> 00:38:42,905
don't. Some are like, hell no. I'm not

1074
00:38:42,905 --> 00:38:44,585
doing that. Yeah. And all subs are supposed

1075
00:38:44,585 --> 00:38:47,465
to want pain or or accept it. That's

1076
00:38:47,465 --> 00:38:50,420
the other insidious thing. There's this, thing of,

1077
00:38:50,420 --> 00:38:51,779
oh, you might not like it, but you're

1078
00:38:51,779 --> 00:38:53,619
submissive so you're supposed to take it. Grit

1079
00:38:53,619 --> 00:38:55,619
your teeth and bear it. Yeah. No. And

1080
00:38:55,619 --> 00:38:57,779
I have had too many conversations with people

1081
00:38:57,779 --> 00:38:59,460
who are like, I'm clearly not submissive because

1082
00:38:59,460 --> 00:39:00,739
I don't like that. I don't wanna do

1083
00:39:00,739 --> 00:39:02,019
that. No. No. No. No. No. You get

1084
00:39:02,019 --> 00:39:04,179
to still be submissive if that's what feels

1085
00:39:04,179 --> 00:39:06,724
right and reject this thing over here.

1086
00:39:07,505 --> 00:39:09,844
So there is not a facet

1087
00:39:10,144 --> 00:39:10,804
of kink

1088
00:39:11,105 --> 00:39:13,284
life and experience that is not

1089
00:39:13,905 --> 00:39:16,144
something you can personalize to who you are

1090
00:39:16,144 --> 00:39:18,545
as an individual, personalized to the relationship you

1091
00:39:18,545 --> 00:39:20,150
have with an individual,

1092
00:39:21,010 --> 00:39:22,069
and the life

1093
00:39:22,530 --> 00:39:25,969
that you have right now, whatever that looks

1094
00:39:25,969 --> 00:39:26,469
like.

1095
00:39:26,849 --> 00:39:28,369
I have no doubt we'll get into this

1096
00:39:28,369 --> 00:39:30,210
because several people requested it. Let me just

1097
00:39:30,210 --> 00:39:32,454
throw this out there to all to

1098
00:39:32,835 --> 00:39:33,574
all parents,

1099
00:39:35,074 --> 00:39:37,094
with children at home, specifically

1100
00:39:37,795 --> 00:39:38,934
your small children.

1101
00:39:40,034 --> 00:39:41,894
Your kink life right now

1102
00:39:42,675 --> 00:39:44,375
does not look like

1103
00:39:44,755 --> 00:39:45,894
it could look

1104
00:39:46,275 --> 00:39:47,815
in twenty years. Right.

1105
00:39:48,570 --> 00:39:50,489
And I think we all know that. But

1106
00:39:50,489 --> 00:39:52,489
again, I get I get parents of young

1107
00:39:52,489 --> 00:39:54,110
children who are like,

1108
00:39:54,489 --> 00:39:56,410
are we even kinky? How how do we

1109
00:39:56,410 --> 00:39:58,329
make this work? Well, I'm gonna be kind

1110
00:39:58,329 --> 00:40:00,644
of Right. Real with you. That's kind of

1111
00:40:00,804 --> 00:40:02,885
disappointing. You probably don't. You will do a

1112
00:40:02,885 --> 00:40:03,625
lot less

1113
00:40:03,925 --> 00:40:06,025
at this stage of life than you will

1114
00:40:06,405 --> 00:40:08,565
when they don't meet you as much anymore.

1115
00:40:08,565 --> 00:40:10,585
And what it looks like when they are

1116
00:40:10,724 --> 00:40:12,724
little is going to be different from when

1117
00:40:12,724 --> 00:40:13,704
they are tweens,

1118
00:40:14,099 --> 00:40:15,640
different from when they are teenagers,

1119
00:40:16,099 --> 00:40:17,619
and so on and so on and so

1120
00:40:17,619 --> 00:40:19,400
on. Right. And then, apparently,

1121
00:40:19,780 --> 00:40:22,760
there's this mythical day that comes when you

1122
00:40:22,980 --> 00:40:24,920
do not have children in your home anymore.

1123
00:40:26,099 --> 00:40:26,599
I

1124
00:40:27,860 --> 00:40:29,025
want to believe in the myth.

1125
00:40:29,984 --> 00:40:32,464
Myth. I have not yet experienced it for

1126
00:40:32,464 --> 00:40:32,964
myself.

1127
00:40:33,505 --> 00:40:35,264
For those of you who are either way

1128
00:40:35,264 --> 00:40:37,344
past that stage, your your children, maybe they're

1129
00:40:37,344 --> 00:40:39,025
having children, or you just never had kids

1130
00:40:39,025 --> 00:40:40,724
and you're child free. And,

1131
00:40:41,264 --> 00:40:43,409
like, I mean, do I some

1132
00:40:43,949 --> 00:40:44,449
envy?

1133
00:40:44,829 --> 00:40:46,909
Yes. I would not give up my experience

1134
00:40:46,909 --> 00:40:48,429
as a parent and all that for anything

1135
00:40:48,429 --> 00:40:50,750
in the world. But also, do I do

1136
00:40:50,750 --> 00:40:52,670
I look at people who are not currently

1137
00:40:52,670 --> 00:40:55,150
or ever raising children at any stage and

1138
00:40:55,150 --> 00:40:57,344
go, oh, what must that be like?

1139
00:40:58,465 --> 00:40:59,684
I can't imagine it.

1140
00:41:02,304 --> 00:41:04,085
And I I don't even let myself

1141
00:41:04,625 --> 00:41:06,005
dream too far about

1142
00:41:06,784 --> 00:41:08,945
no kids in the house kink life, but

1143
00:41:08,945 --> 00:41:11,400
I do imagine there's gonna be a lot

1144
00:41:11,400 --> 00:41:12,539
more nudity.

1145
00:41:13,400 --> 00:41:13,900
But

1146
00:41:14,319 --> 00:41:14,819
I

1147
00:41:15,239 --> 00:41:17,960
just I don't know if we will do

1148
00:41:17,960 --> 00:41:19,819
kinky shit on every flat

1149
00:41:20,119 --> 00:41:22,460
and vertical surface of our home,

1150
00:41:23,480 --> 00:41:24,619
but I do think

1151
00:41:26,484 --> 00:41:28,405
JB will be walking around dick out. Like,

1152
00:41:28,405 --> 00:41:31,045
I just I just think the clothes will

1153
00:41:31,045 --> 00:41:33,125
come off. Like, you'll hit the front door.

1154
00:41:33,125 --> 00:41:35,364
Hopefully, remember to close it and just strip

1155
00:41:35,364 --> 00:41:37,144
down and walk around naked.

1156
00:41:40,400 --> 00:41:42,099
I just I do feel like that.

1157
00:41:42,559 --> 00:41:44,320
Do I think that, you know, there may

1158
00:41:44,320 --> 00:41:44,820
be,

1159
00:41:46,320 --> 00:41:48,340
parts of our home where there's, like,

1160
00:41:49,039 --> 00:41:51,519
an o ring hanging off of a,

1161
00:41:52,000 --> 00:41:54,195
load bearing something because you had a kink

1162
00:41:54,195 --> 00:41:56,035
thought and maybe we could do it. Right?

1163
00:41:56,035 --> 00:41:56,535
Like,

1164
00:41:56,914 --> 00:41:58,695
we will we will talk about,

1165
00:41:59,074 --> 00:42:01,074
you know, parenting. But it it's true of

1166
00:42:01,074 --> 00:42:02,675
every stage of life. If you're a college

1167
00:42:02,675 --> 00:42:03,175
student,

1168
00:42:03,474 --> 00:42:06,135
you're gonna have a completely different kink experience

1169
00:42:06,355 --> 00:42:06,855
than

1170
00:42:07,555 --> 00:42:09,655
some of those of us who are, like,

1171
00:42:10,400 --> 00:42:12,079
you know, thinking, do I have enough in

1172
00:42:12,079 --> 00:42:13,680
my four zero one k? The answer is

1173
00:42:13,680 --> 00:42:15,619
no because I look at the news.

1174
00:42:16,559 --> 00:42:19,119
But, you know, like, every facet every stage

1175
00:42:19,119 --> 00:42:20,260
of life you're in

1176
00:42:20,559 --> 00:42:23,380
will, in some way, change your kink experience,

1177
00:42:23,635 --> 00:42:25,635
and you move and grow with that. You

1178
00:42:25,635 --> 00:42:27,175
know? You find, hopefully,

1179
00:42:27,715 --> 00:42:29,494
the good, the fun, the

1180
00:42:29,795 --> 00:42:30,295
fulfilling

1181
00:42:30,755 --> 00:42:32,595
at whatever stage of life you're in, but

1182
00:42:32,595 --> 00:42:33,815
it will look different

1183
00:42:34,355 --> 00:42:35,655
Mhmm. All the way through.

1184
00:42:36,035 --> 00:42:37,635
And, you know, yeah, we're we're kind of

1185
00:42:37,635 --> 00:42:38,639
at 50%

1186
00:42:38,639 --> 00:42:41,199
with the, child free. Yes. Except I'm still

1187
00:42:41,199 --> 00:42:42,400
at the beck and call of one child

1188
00:42:42,639 --> 00:42:43,779
Yeah. On the weekends.

1189
00:42:44,719 --> 00:42:45,219
And,

1190
00:42:47,279 --> 00:42:47,859
you know,

1191
00:42:48,159 --> 00:42:50,239
don't don't know yet, but, you know, there

1192
00:42:50,239 --> 00:42:51,219
could be a chance.

1193
00:42:52,394 --> 00:42:54,474
It it's amazing. They have a homing beacon.

1194
00:42:54,474 --> 00:42:56,555
They find their way back. I have heard

1195
00:42:56,555 --> 00:42:59,035
that. Yeah. I did not, but I was

1196
00:42:59,594 --> 00:43:01,355
I didn't either, but You know what I

1197
00:43:01,355 --> 00:43:02,255
think it is?

1198
00:43:03,355 --> 00:43:05,275
Were you nice to your children while you

1199
00:43:05,275 --> 00:43:06,929
were raising them and they love you and

1200
00:43:06,929 --> 00:43:09,569
think of your home as their home? They'll

1201
00:43:09,569 --> 00:43:10,469
probably come back.

1202
00:43:10,929 --> 00:43:13,269
Were you a nightmare as a parent? Traumatized

1203
00:43:13,409 --> 00:43:15,250
your children and they couldn't wait to get

1204
00:43:15,250 --> 00:43:17,589
out? They're not coming back. Short of having

1205
00:43:17,730 --> 00:43:19,344
zero place to go on this planet. They're

1206
00:43:19,344 --> 00:43:20,565
not coming back. Nice.

1207
00:43:21,585 --> 00:43:23,985
That's just my experience. I think JB can

1208
00:43:23,985 --> 00:43:26,565
relate to that experience. Your mileage may vary.

1209
00:43:27,105 --> 00:43:30,244
I will say, that is an expression to

1210
00:43:31,105 --> 00:43:33,469
take deep in your soul when talking

1211
00:43:33,769 --> 00:43:34,269
about

1212
00:43:34,570 --> 00:43:37,530
other people's kink experiences or listening to people

1213
00:43:37,530 --> 00:43:38,829
share their kink experiences.

1214
00:43:39,130 --> 00:43:41,610
Your mileage may vary. Whatever is true for

1215
00:43:41,610 --> 00:43:42,909
me in

1216
00:43:43,449 --> 00:43:46,429
this moment of 04/16/2025

1217
00:43:46,715 --> 00:43:48,074
does not have to be true for you

1218
00:43:48,074 --> 00:43:49,934
and might not even be true for me

1219
00:43:50,074 --> 00:43:53,135
on 04/17/2025.

1220
00:43:54,155 --> 00:43:56,315
Mileage will, you know, will always vary. The

1221
00:43:56,315 --> 00:43:59,114
experiences will always vary even if you're were

1222
00:43:59,114 --> 00:44:00,574
two people, three people,

1223
00:44:01,569 --> 00:44:03,969
bare bones outlined talking about the same experience.

1224
00:44:03,969 --> 00:44:06,289
I'm a submissive to a daddy dom. Well,

1225
00:44:06,289 --> 00:44:08,609
that looks very different for me Mhmm. To

1226
00:44:08,609 --> 00:44:10,069
me than it does for you. Right?

1227
00:44:11,409 --> 00:44:12,929
So I have a couple more notes. Do

1228
00:44:12,929 --> 00:44:14,369
you have anything else you wanna, like, touch

1229
00:44:14,369 --> 00:44:16,994
on the to customize it? Like, find what

1230
00:44:16,994 --> 00:44:19,234
works for you. Mhmm. Make it up if

1231
00:44:19,234 --> 00:44:21,394
you have to. Right? If you if you're

1232
00:44:21,394 --> 00:44:23,894
following the three basic rules of kink, communication,

1233
00:44:24,034 --> 00:44:25,494
consent, and risk assessment,

1234
00:44:26,034 --> 00:44:28,114
make it fucking up. Yeah. There's there's no

1235
00:44:28,114 --> 00:44:29,890
standard here, and please don't think you have

1236
00:44:29,890 --> 00:44:31,349
to find it or follow it.

1237
00:44:32,210 --> 00:44:33,269
Here's a thing

1238
00:44:33,570 --> 00:44:35,730
that, I've said in a few episodes because

1239
00:44:35,730 --> 00:44:37,090
I got it from a therapist and I

1240
00:44:37,090 --> 00:44:39,190
use it for my own internal self talk.

1241
00:44:39,250 --> 00:44:41,329
It doesn't apply to all situations, but I

1242
00:44:41,329 --> 00:44:42,394
think it applies here.

1243
00:44:42,934 --> 00:44:45,335
There is no should in power exchange. What

1244
00:44:45,335 --> 00:44:47,255
I mean by should you get consent, should

1245
00:44:47,255 --> 00:44:49,414
you get communication, and should you assess risk?

1246
00:44:49,414 --> 00:44:52,235
Yes. Bleh. Those are the rules. After that,

1247
00:44:52,695 --> 00:44:55,195
you should do that because you're submissive. Uh-uh.

1248
00:44:56,539 --> 00:44:58,219
Do it because you want to and it

1249
00:44:58,219 --> 00:45:00,719
fits within your submissive role. Sure.

1250
00:45:01,579 --> 00:45:03,179
You should do that because you're a top.

1251
00:45:03,179 --> 00:45:04,800
You should do that because you're,

1252
00:45:05,579 --> 00:45:07,760
into wax play. You should. Uh-uh.

1253
00:45:08,300 --> 00:45:09,519
There are some

1254
00:45:10,494 --> 00:45:12,494
rough guidelines for how something can

1255
00:45:13,135 --> 00:45:14,574
there is a skill set for how to

1256
00:45:14,574 --> 00:45:16,275
physically do a thing. Yes.

1257
00:45:16,655 --> 00:45:19,934
There is some broad strokes guidelines for how

1258
00:45:19,934 --> 00:45:21,695
to be a submissive, how to be a

1259
00:45:21,695 --> 00:45:23,234
dominant, how to whatever.

1260
00:45:23,775 --> 00:45:24,275
Yes.

1261
00:45:24,690 --> 00:45:26,609
But if anybody is if you were if

1262
00:45:26,609 --> 00:45:27,109
your

1263
00:45:27,409 --> 00:45:29,889
internal self talk is, well, I should wanna

1264
00:45:29,889 --> 00:45:32,369
do this. I should be doing you're shoulding

1265
00:45:32,369 --> 00:45:35,089
all over yourself. Mhmm. Because typically, if we're

1266
00:45:35,089 --> 00:45:37,109
telling ourselves, well, I should do this.

1267
00:45:37,594 --> 00:45:39,135
I I should want to do this.

1268
00:45:39,514 --> 00:45:41,534
It's be we're saying that because we don't.

1269
00:45:41,594 --> 00:45:42,974
We don't want to do it.

1270
00:45:43,275 --> 00:45:43,775
Or

1271
00:45:44,074 --> 00:45:46,255
even better, it should be done that way.

1272
00:45:46,394 --> 00:45:48,154
Right. It should be done that by who's

1273
00:45:48,154 --> 00:45:48,974
fucking standard?

1274
00:45:49,434 --> 00:45:50,574
Does if it doesn't,

1275
00:45:51,300 --> 00:45:54,420
again, consent, communication, risk assessment. After that, if

1276
00:45:54,420 --> 00:45:56,180
it does not fit you, if it does

1277
00:45:56,180 --> 00:45:57,780
not serve you, it does not fit the

1278
00:45:57,780 --> 00:45:59,780
life you have, there's no fucking should in

1279
00:45:59,780 --> 00:46:02,180
it. Mhmm. But especially when you're doing self

1280
00:46:02,180 --> 00:46:04,494
talk, especially when you're feeling resistant. Like, Like,

1281
00:46:04,494 --> 00:46:05,315
I am submissive.

1282
00:46:05,934 --> 00:46:07,375
I should do this kind of thing, and

1283
00:46:07,375 --> 00:46:08,994
yet there's a part of you screaming,

1284
00:46:09,695 --> 00:46:11,875
but I don't want to. That is information

1285
00:46:12,094 --> 00:46:13,614
you need to use to figure out what

1286
00:46:13,614 --> 00:46:16,494
you do wanna do. Can you modify this

1287
00:46:16,494 --> 00:46:18,949
thing that supposedly you should do? Can you

1288
00:46:18,949 --> 00:46:20,170
fucking reject it?

1289
00:46:23,029 --> 00:46:26,329
Right? Yes. As humans living in the world,

1290
00:46:27,269 --> 00:46:28,949
there are plenty of things we have to

1291
00:46:28,949 --> 00:46:31,335
do that we don't wanna do. Mhmm. Yes.

1292
00:46:31,815 --> 00:46:34,375
And that can still be a little true

1293
00:46:34,375 --> 00:46:37,094
in kink, but in general, we choose this

1294
00:46:37,094 --> 00:46:39,914
life. We choose these relationship dynamics.

1295
00:46:40,454 --> 00:46:43,094
We figure how what we're interested in and

1296
00:46:43,094 --> 00:46:45,175
into, and then we choose to do those

1297
00:46:45,175 --> 00:46:46,769
things. So guess what the thing is you

1298
00:46:46,769 --> 00:46:48,150
shouldn't be having to do?

1299
00:46:48,610 --> 00:46:50,390
To do a thing you fucking hate.

1300
00:46:51,730 --> 00:46:54,309
My god. Enough of us go to work

1301
00:46:54,769 --> 00:46:57,170
or have to work with somebody or be

1302
00:46:57,170 --> 00:46:58,849
around a human being that in any other

1303
00:46:58,849 --> 00:47:01,414
circumstance, we would never choose to do it.

1304
00:47:01,414 --> 00:47:03,175
Right? But we do it because we'd like

1305
00:47:03,175 --> 00:47:05,414
to pay our bills. Right? Okay. So why

1306
00:47:05,414 --> 00:47:07,175
you gonna come home and live your kink

1307
00:47:07,175 --> 00:47:08,875
life and do something that

1308
00:47:09,335 --> 00:47:12,054
you don't want you would never choose to

1309
00:47:12,054 --> 00:47:14,369
do this. You hate every second of what

1310
00:47:14,369 --> 00:47:16,730
are you doing. It doesn't satisfy you. Yeah.

1311
00:47:16,730 --> 00:47:18,409
I don't, you know What's the point then?

1312
00:47:18,409 --> 00:47:19,230
What's the point?

1313
00:47:20,090 --> 00:47:22,349
Like taking a shower with a raincoat on.

1314
00:47:23,530 --> 00:47:25,449
Do I put effort in as a service

1315
00:47:25,449 --> 00:47:27,065
up? Of course, I do. Do I do

1316
00:47:27,065 --> 00:47:29,065
I sometimes do things when I'm really tired

1317
00:47:29,065 --> 00:47:30,664
and would rather be sitting and reading my

1318
00:47:30,664 --> 00:47:31,885
book? Of course I do.

1319
00:47:32,344 --> 00:47:33,944
But ultimately, I'm doing it because I want

1320
00:47:33,944 --> 00:47:35,625
to. And if I stop wanting to, that's

1321
00:47:35,625 --> 00:47:37,885
time for conversation. That's time for a renegotiation.

1322
00:47:38,344 --> 00:47:39,809
That's time for a can we look at

1323
00:47:39,809 --> 00:47:41,250
this in a different way? Is there another

1324
00:47:41,250 --> 00:47:42,390
way to do this thing?

1325
00:47:43,489 --> 00:47:45,650
Anything in your kink life that you were

1326
00:47:45,650 --> 00:47:46,869
starting to resist

1327
00:47:47,650 --> 00:47:50,690
and either guilting yourself into doing, avoiding it,

1328
00:47:50,690 --> 00:47:53,184
or in in some way just not feeling

1329
00:47:53,244 --> 00:47:55,264
good about it, that is information

1330
00:47:55,565 --> 00:47:56,065
to

1331
00:47:56,525 --> 00:47:57,025
immediately.

1332
00:47:58,525 --> 00:47:59,724
If you're with if you were in a

1333
00:47:59,724 --> 00:48:01,324
relationship, stop and talk to your partner. If

1334
00:48:01,324 --> 00:48:03,085
you're not, go find your kinky bestie and,

1335
00:48:03,085 --> 00:48:04,440
like, just hash it out and go hear

1336
00:48:04,440 --> 00:48:06,059
me out. Let let me think this through.

1337
00:48:06,280 --> 00:48:08,039
That is information you gotta stop and start

1338
00:48:08,039 --> 00:48:10,359
thinking about and talking about. Because it's that's

1339
00:48:10,359 --> 00:48:12,280
some part of you telling you that you

1340
00:48:12,280 --> 00:48:14,059
don't want this is not right for you.

1341
00:48:14,280 --> 00:48:15,719
Might have been right six months ago. It

1342
00:48:15,719 --> 00:48:17,744
might be right six years from now. It's

1343
00:48:18,364 --> 00:48:20,844
not right right now. Right. And that's the

1344
00:48:20,844 --> 00:48:23,105
thing about kink air quote, kink is customizable.

1345
00:48:23,484 --> 00:48:25,264
You can change it on a dime.

1346
00:48:26,364 --> 00:48:27,585
It's there's

1347
00:48:28,605 --> 00:48:30,445
it can be challenging when you're in a

1348
00:48:30,445 --> 00:48:33,030
relationship because you wanting a change means they

1349
00:48:33,030 --> 00:48:34,469
have to agree to that change and be

1350
00:48:34,469 --> 00:48:37,030
okay with that change. That is not always

1351
00:48:37,030 --> 00:48:38,869
easy because sometimes the thing you hate is

1352
00:48:38,869 --> 00:48:39,929
the thing they love.

1353
00:48:40,309 --> 00:48:42,390
So now there's a negotiation of can we

1354
00:48:42,390 --> 00:48:44,070
find a middle ground? Can we find another

1355
00:48:44,070 --> 00:48:46,295
way to accomplish this? Is there another way

1356
00:48:46,434 --> 00:48:47,954
I can do a thing and have you

1357
00:48:47,954 --> 00:48:49,714
feel as good as you do, but I

1358
00:48:49,714 --> 00:48:51,414
don't have to do a thing I hate?

1359
00:48:51,635 --> 00:48:53,554
So it's not always a one and done.

1360
00:48:53,554 --> 00:48:55,255
Just stop doing it and it's done.

1361
00:48:55,554 --> 00:48:57,155
There might be some effort that has to

1362
00:48:57,155 --> 00:48:59,760
be put in, but that is the reality.

1363
00:48:59,760 --> 00:49:01,599
There should not be a fucking thing in

1364
00:49:01,599 --> 00:49:02,880
your kink life you have to do that

1365
00:49:02,880 --> 00:49:04,739
you don't wanna do. That's true.

1366
00:49:06,719 --> 00:49:08,320
And for anybody who wants to to get

1367
00:49:08,320 --> 00:49:09,119
a little little

1368
00:49:09,840 --> 00:49:11,295
some of us overthink and I know that.

1369
00:49:11,295 --> 00:49:13,554
So I'm trying to, like, find the caveats

1370
00:49:13,614 --> 00:49:14,675
for us overthinkers

1371
00:49:15,054 --> 00:49:15,795
out here.

1372
00:49:16,494 --> 00:49:18,514
There are things I agree to

1373
00:49:19,295 --> 00:49:21,534
that JB can do to me that I

1374
00:49:21,534 --> 00:49:22,355
don't love,

1375
00:49:23,420 --> 00:49:25,599
but I am willing to do it.

1376
00:49:25,900 --> 00:49:27,500
Here's why. One, I don't have to do

1377
00:49:27,500 --> 00:49:28,539
it all the fucking time. If I had

1378
00:49:28,539 --> 00:49:29,579
to do a thing I don't love all

1379
00:49:29,579 --> 00:49:30,860
the fucking time, we're not doing it. I

1380
00:49:30,860 --> 00:49:32,140
don't wanna do that. That's not how I

1381
00:49:32,140 --> 00:49:32,880
wanna play.

1382
00:49:33,260 --> 00:49:35,840
But two, if it's something that I find

1383
00:49:36,695 --> 00:49:37,195
another

1384
00:49:38,454 --> 00:49:38,954
satisfactory

1385
00:49:39,335 --> 00:49:41,514
feeling from. So the example is

1386
00:49:42,454 --> 00:49:45,014
JB loves a stingy pain. He likes to

1387
00:49:45,014 --> 00:49:47,014
see can that bring a a welt up

1388
00:49:47,014 --> 00:49:49,050
on her skin? And is she going to

1389
00:49:49,050 --> 00:49:50,969
shriek like a banshee? Can I make her

1390
00:49:50,969 --> 00:49:53,289
dance too? It's usually a stingy thing. So

1391
00:49:53,289 --> 00:49:55,130
if it's study, I'm a relax. Like, I'm

1392
00:49:55,130 --> 00:49:56,430
getting a deep tissue massage.

1393
00:49:58,650 --> 00:50:01,594
I allow it. I consent to it,

1394
00:50:02,215 --> 00:50:05,175
not because I'm enjoying the sensation, but because

1395
00:50:05,175 --> 00:50:05,835
I'm enjoying

1396
00:50:06,135 --> 00:50:07,994
giving up control. I'm enjoying

1397
00:50:08,454 --> 00:50:10,614
enduring it. I want to see, can I

1398
00:50:10,614 --> 00:50:13,650
can I endure this for him? Sometimes it's

1399
00:50:14,130 --> 00:50:16,130
it's it's a a pure act of submission.

1400
00:50:16,130 --> 00:50:18,369
I'm literally letting him do something to me

1401
00:50:18,369 --> 00:50:18,869
that

1402
00:50:19,489 --> 00:50:21,809
I would not let another fucking soul do

1403
00:50:21,809 --> 00:50:23,730
and don't even like that much because I'm

1404
00:50:23,730 --> 00:50:25,875
finding pleasure in it in other ways.

1405
00:50:27,795 --> 00:50:29,635
But you also know that I am not

1406
00:50:29,635 --> 00:50:32,034
going to abuse that power. And I also

1407
00:50:32,034 --> 00:50:33,635
know that I don't have to live with

1408
00:50:33,635 --> 00:50:34,454
that endurance

1409
00:50:35,554 --> 00:50:38,114
all the time. I get plenty of what

1410
00:50:38,114 --> 00:50:38,775
I like.

1411
00:50:39,315 --> 00:50:41,235
So that makes it easier to sometimes do

1412
00:50:41,235 --> 00:50:41,815
a thing

1413
00:50:42,329 --> 00:50:44,410
you like that I can find a way

1414
00:50:44,410 --> 00:50:45,849
to go. Yeah. I'm willing to do that.

1415
00:50:45,849 --> 00:50:48,349
Right? But that comes, let's say again,

1416
00:50:48,730 --> 00:50:49,230
communication,

1417
00:50:49,530 --> 00:50:51,930
consent, and risk assessment. I know what I'm

1418
00:50:51,930 --> 00:50:54,250
agreeing to. I'm not forced into it. I'm

1419
00:50:54,250 --> 00:50:56,170
not pressured into it. I'm not No. Guilted

1420
00:50:56,170 --> 00:50:58,635
into it. My own internal self talk is

1421
00:50:58,635 --> 00:51:00,315
not going, well, girl, you should do it.

1422
00:51:00,315 --> 00:51:00,635
You're the

1423
00:51:02,394 --> 00:51:04,715
I have weighed all my options. I've looked

1424
00:51:04,715 --> 00:51:06,555
at what else can be done. I have

1425
00:51:06,715 --> 00:51:09,114
I understand what's happening, and I understand and

1426
00:51:09,114 --> 00:51:09,855
can articulate

1427
00:51:10,235 --> 00:51:12,510
why I'm willing to do it as long

1428
00:51:12,510 --> 00:51:14,030
as it doesn't have to become my new

1429
00:51:14,030 --> 00:51:14,530
reality.

1430
00:51:16,030 --> 00:51:17,710
So for my overthinkers out there who are

1431
00:51:17,710 --> 00:51:19,309
like, but sometimes I do what they want.

1432
00:51:19,309 --> 00:51:21,150
It's okay. You can do things you don't

1433
00:51:21,150 --> 00:51:23,329
really wanna do for your partner,

1434
00:51:23,789 --> 00:51:26,315
but, again, you should not be pressured, guilted,

1435
00:51:26,534 --> 00:51:28,454
forced into it. You have to choose it,

1436
00:51:28,454 --> 00:51:30,295
and you need to have some idea of

1437
00:51:30,295 --> 00:51:32,375
why you're willing to choose it. And it

1438
00:51:32,375 --> 00:51:34,454
has to be balanced with getting what you

1439
00:51:34,454 --> 00:51:34,954
want.

1440
00:51:36,135 --> 00:51:38,074
That's the other thing that's not a customizable

1441
00:51:38,135 --> 00:51:38,934
thing is a,

1442
00:51:39,989 --> 00:51:40,730
a truism.

1443
00:51:41,750 --> 00:51:43,989
Everybody involved in this, whatever your dynamic is,

1444
00:51:43,989 --> 00:51:45,530
should be getting some of what they want.

1445
00:51:46,070 --> 00:51:47,750
You don't get all of what you want

1446
00:51:47,750 --> 00:51:48,650
all the time,

1447
00:51:49,110 --> 00:51:51,030
but everybody needs to get enough of what

1448
00:51:51,030 --> 00:51:52,869
they want to be satisfied, happy, wanna keep

1449
00:51:52,869 --> 00:51:54,739
coming back and doing this. Mhmm. Because

1450
00:51:55,724 --> 00:51:56,864
it's a it's a compromise,

1451
00:51:57,244 --> 00:51:58,144
you know. Yes.

1452
00:51:58,845 --> 00:52:01,325
Yes. It can be a very pleasurable compromise.

1453
00:52:01,325 --> 00:52:03,265
It can be a very satisfying compromise.

1454
00:52:03,885 --> 00:52:04,945
But, you know,

1455
00:52:05,325 --> 00:52:07,085
I haven't I know people talk about this.

1456
00:52:07,085 --> 00:52:09,280
We talked about this probably 400 episodes ago.

1457
00:52:10,300 --> 00:52:12,300
It usually comes up in conversations about, like,

1458
00:52:12,300 --> 00:52:13,440
ethical non monogamy.

1459
00:52:15,019 --> 00:52:15,920
But it's this

1460
00:52:16,300 --> 00:52:19,179
fact that most of the time, one partner

1461
00:52:19,179 --> 00:52:19,679
cannot

1462
00:52:19,980 --> 00:52:20,480
satisfy

1463
00:52:20,860 --> 00:52:24,335
every need another partner has. In some cases,

1464
00:52:24,335 --> 00:52:25,855
the solution to that is it works for

1465
00:52:25,855 --> 00:52:28,494
everybody involved, ethical nonmonogamy. Go find another play

1466
00:52:28,494 --> 00:52:29,714
partner, get whatever.

1467
00:52:30,414 --> 00:52:30,914
Sometimes

1468
00:52:31,375 --> 00:52:33,934
that's not the answer. You're monogamous and wanna

1469
00:52:33,934 --> 00:52:34,675
stay monogamous.

1470
00:52:35,214 --> 00:52:36,034
Please do.

1471
00:52:36,360 --> 00:52:38,519
What that means is you have the partner

1472
00:52:38,519 --> 00:52:39,260
you're with

1473
00:52:39,559 --> 00:52:41,240
has to get enough of what they need

1474
00:52:41,240 --> 00:52:42,760
and you have to get enough of what

1475
00:52:42,760 --> 00:52:44,539
you need for this to be worth it,

1476
00:52:44,680 --> 00:52:46,280
for it to be satisfying, for you to

1477
00:52:46,280 --> 00:52:48,735
wanna keep this going. Sometimes you'll come across

1478
00:52:48,815 --> 00:52:50,575
people who cannot give you enough of what

1479
00:52:50,575 --> 00:52:52,095
you need. They might not be the right

1480
00:52:52,095 --> 00:52:53,075
partner for you.

1481
00:52:54,335 --> 00:52:56,095
But also they might give you more of

1482
00:52:56,095 --> 00:52:58,114
what you need outside of a kink context

1483
00:52:58,335 --> 00:53:00,655
and just enough of what you need for

1484
00:53:00,655 --> 00:53:02,800
kink to be happy. Keep it. Yeah. And

1485
00:53:02,800 --> 00:53:04,719
it might not be, like, this overly active

1486
00:53:04,719 --> 00:53:06,900
twenty four seven kink life, but you're happy.

1487
00:53:07,599 --> 00:53:09,380
That's all that matters. Mhmm.

1488
00:53:09,920 --> 00:53:10,420
So

1489
00:53:11,359 --> 00:53:11,859
yeah.

1490
00:53:13,359 --> 00:53:13,859
Yeah.

1491
00:53:18,744 --> 00:53:20,184
I don't think I lost steam. I did

1492
00:53:20,184 --> 00:53:21,625
not lose my train of thought. I think

1493
00:53:21,625 --> 00:53:22,204
I didn't

1494
00:53:22,585 --> 00:53:25,224
know how to, like, semi colon and then

1495
00:53:25,224 --> 00:53:26,364
book in this. Right?

1496
00:53:26,985 --> 00:53:28,425
Part of it is because a lot of

1497
00:53:28,425 --> 00:53:30,389
the things I think to to, like points

1498
00:53:30,389 --> 00:53:31,909
I want I could come to mind when

1499
00:53:31,909 --> 00:53:34,329
we're talking about this, we've done those episodes.

1500
00:53:34,549 --> 00:53:36,630
BDSM is a journey. You're always learning something.

1501
00:53:36,630 --> 00:53:38,469
You can shift. We've done the episodes on

1502
00:53:38,469 --> 00:53:40,469
how your dynamic can and will shift over

1503
00:53:40,469 --> 00:53:42,230
time. We've done many episodes on that because

1504
00:53:42,230 --> 00:53:43,369
that's been our reality.

1505
00:53:44,994 --> 00:53:45,494
There's,

1506
00:53:45,875 --> 00:53:48,355
you know, a labels and titles episodes. There's

1507
00:53:48,355 --> 00:53:50,835
the, you know, figuring out your role and

1508
00:53:50,835 --> 00:53:52,695
what does that mean for you. There like,

1509
00:53:54,514 --> 00:53:56,594
every point I wanna make I have I

1510
00:53:56,594 --> 00:53:58,195
would that comes to mind to make is,

1511
00:53:58,195 --> 00:53:59,738
like, oh, but we've made that point. We

1512
00:53:59,738 --> 00:54:02,082
spent an hour and a half on that

1513
00:54:02,082 --> 00:54:04,425
point. I'm just hoping that for anybody who

1514
00:54:04,425 --> 00:54:06,768
this is new information for or it's validation,

1515
00:54:06,768 --> 00:54:09,405
like, you the little voice in your head

1516
00:54:09,405 --> 00:54:11,748
was saying it, but you didn't have enough

1517
00:54:11,748 --> 00:54:14,092
people around you agreeing and confirming this for

1518
00:54:14,092 --> 00:54:16,224
you. That that's what I hope you get

1519
00:54:16,224 --> 00:54:17,505
out of it, but I just need you

1520
00:54:17,505 --> 00:54:19,264
to know there's a it's deeper than that.

1521
00:54:19,264 --> 00:54:21,585
There's more to it. There's nuance to every

1522
00:54:21,585 --> 00:54:24,065
fucking thing. I think that's why we and

1523
00:54:24,065 --> 00:54:26,144
this podcast exist. I did not know that's

1524
00:54:26,144 --> 00:54:27,125
what we were starting.

1525
00:54:27,909 --> 00:54:28,730
I think that's

1526
00:54:29,190 --> 00:54:30,730
that's what we do here.

1527
00:54:32,150 --> 00:54:32,809
But yeah.

1528
00:54:33,909 --> 00:54:36,469
Your kink life can be literally whatever you

1529
00:54:36,469 --> 00:54:38,630
want and that your partner you have or

1530
00:54:38,630 --> 00:54:39,289
the partners,

1531
00:54:41,030 --> 00:54:41,929
consent to.

1532
00:54:42,789 --> 00:54:44,845
It doesn't have look like anybody else's. It

1533
00:54:44,845 --> 00:54:46,704
probably won't. It probably shouldn't.

1534
00:54:47,805 --> 00:54:49,724
You know? And I I I get the

1535
00:54:49,724 --> 00:54:51,085
messages from some listeners who are like, oh

1536
00:54:51,085 --> 00:54:52,285
my gosh. You remind me so much of

1537
00:54:52,285 --> 00:54:54,364
me. Oh my gosh. It sounds like me.

1538
00:54:54,364 --> 00:54:56,765
And and, yeah, personalities can be different or

1539
00:54:56,765 --> 00:54:58,765
the similar. But I promise you our lives

1540
00:54:58,765 --> 00:55:01,239
are different. Because even if

1541
00:55:01,619 --> 00:55:04,099
line by line similarities, you know, you've got

1542
00:55:04,099 --> 00:55:06,260
two kids in this similar situation or similar

1543
00:55:06,260 --> 00:55:08,420
age or similar life stage, we're gonna make

1544
00:55:08,420 --> 00:55:10,980
different decisions. We're gonna see things differently. We've

1545
00:55:10,980 --> 00:55:12,359
got different life experiences

1546
00:55:12,945 --> 00:55:14,864
that, you know, shape how we view the

1547
00:55:14,864 --> 00:55:16,704
world and how we want wanna move through

1548
00:55:16,704 --> 00:55:17,204
it.

1549
00:55:17,505 --> 00:55:18,005
So

1550
00:55:19,025 --> 00:55:20,625
all of this is unique to each of

1551
00:55:20,625 --> 00:55:23,025
us even when there are similarities. And I

1552
00:55:23,025 --> 00:55:25,445
say, hey. Let's embrace those similarities. Let's find

1553
00:55:25,809 --> 00:55:27,809
community with those similarities, but also let's embrace

1554
00:55:27,809 --> 00:55:29,670
the differences and learn from one another.

1555
00:55:30,130 --> 00:55:31,969
That is why we often recommend if you're

1556
00:55:31,969 --> 00:55:33,329
new and you're like, I need ideas on

1557
00:55:33,329 --> 00:55:35,109
this and I how can I do that?

1558
00:55:35,170 --> 00:55:36,929
Please go be where the people who are

1559
00:55:36,929 --> 00:55:38,289
kind of doing what you wanna be doing

1560
00:55:38,289 --> 00:55:39,429
are doing it. Right?

1561
00:55:39,969 --> 00:55:42,224
If if an in person group is possible

1562
00:55:42,224 --> 00:55:44,784
for you, great. If not, online is fine.

1563
00:55:44,784 --> 00:55:45,984
But you're a dom who wants to learn

1564
00:55:45,984 --> 00:55:47,105
how to be a better dom, go be

1565
00:55:47,105 --> 00:55:50,244
around doms that you respect. Right? You're submissive

1566
00:55:50,304 --> 00:55:51,364
who wants to, like,

1567
00:55:51,664 --> 00:55:53,984
learn how to blah blah. Go be around

1568
00:55:53,984 --> 00:55:56,190
people who are talking about those things and

1569
00:55:56,269 --> 00:55:58,349
and see what they're doing. That doesn't mean

1570
00:55:58,349 --> 00:55:59,630
you have to do what they do, but

1571
00:55:59,630 --> 00:56:01,869
it will spark those thoughts of, oh, here's

1572
00:56:01,869 --> 00:56:03,150
how I could do it. Here's how it

1573
00:56:03,150 --> 00:56:05,089
fits into my life. Right?

1574
00:56:05,469 --> 00:56:06,769
Yeah. Find your tribe.

1575
00:56:07,230 --> 00:56:08,210
Find your tribe.

1576
00:56:08,989 --> 00:56:10,994
Here we go. Okay. I think I'm done.

1577
00:56:10,994 --> 00:56:12,375
Have you got anything?

1578
00:56:13,234 --> 00:56:14,914
I know I was a whirling dervish for

1579
00:56:14,914 --> 00:56:16,534
this one. It was. It's fine.

1580
00:56:17,234 --> 00:56:17,894
Did good.

1581
00:56:18,914 --> 00:56:20,594
At least I think so. That's all that

1582
00:56:20,594 --> 00:56:21,094
matters.

1583
00:56:21,795 --> 00:56:23,474
I mean, obviously, it's not all that matters

1584
00:56:23,474 --> 00:56:25,895
because we ask y'all to leave, like, likes

1585
00:56:25,895 --> 00:56:28,503
and comments and reviews and shit. Clearly, we

1586
00:56:28,503 --> 00:56:31,762
want y'all to like it. But Right. From

1587
00:56:31,762 --> 00:56:34,369
a personal can I sleep tonight standpoint? Yeah.

1588
00:56:34,369 --> 00:56:37,303
So, are we good? I guess. That's not

1589
00:56:37,303 --> 00:56:40,065
usually for me to say. True. True. Keep

1590
00:56:40,065 --> 00:56:42,224
it kinky, y'all. And we'll see you next

1591
00:56:42,224 --> 00:56:42,724
week.

1592
00:56:52,945 --> 00:56:54,150
Your button pushing seems

1593
00:56:55,510 --> 00:56:57,049
to be not pushing buttons.

1594
00:56:57,670 --> 00:56:58,170
Yeah.

1595
00:56:58,869 --> 00:57:00,889
And you're a button pusher from way back.

1596
00:57:04,630 --> 00:57:06,150
You're like, fuck it. It won't it won't

1597
00:57:06,150 --> 00:57:07,829
let me go back while it's recording. It

1598
00:57:07,829 --> 00:57:09,510
won't let you do what you wanna do.

1599
00:57:09,510 --> 00:57:10,010
No.

1600
00:57:11,324 --> 00:57:11,824
So

1601
00:57:12,684 --> 00:57:13,184
yeah.

1602
00:57:17,324 --> 00:57:17,824
Tada.

1603
00:57:19,005 --> 00:57:20,625
What have you got for the bonus section?

1604
00:57:23,039 --> 00:57:24,579
Oh, can I talk to the crickets?

1605
00:57:25,760 --> 00:57:27,360
I wasn't actually talking to them. I was

1606
00:57:27,360 --> 00:57:29,280
talking to you. I didn't even know anything

1607
00:57:29,280 --> 00:57:30,880
to say. I was looking at the comments

1608
00:57:30,880 --> 00:57:32,719
to see what I missed while we were

1609
00:57:32,719 --> 00:57:33,780
focused elsewhere.

1610
00:57:34,320 --> 00:57:36,094
You may talk to the crickets. Okay. I

1611
00:57:36,094 --> 00:57:37,135
don't have anything to say. What do you

1612
00:57:37,135 --> 00:57:38,994
wanna talk about? That's why I was asking.

1613
00:57:39,614 --> 00:57:41,054
I I don't have a whole lot this

1614
00:57:41,054 --> 00:57:42,514
week. Things have been,

1615
00:57:44,454 --> 00:57:45,934
a little cray cray, a little busy, a

1616
00:57:45,934 --> 00:57:46,434
little

1617
00:57:46,815 --> 00:57:47,315
upended.

1618
00:57:47,694 --> 00:57:49,889
Yeah. You were not feeling very good last

1619
00:57:49,889 --> 00:57:51,730
week, but you seem to be feeling better.

1620
00:57:51,730 --> 00:57:52,230
Mhmm.

1621
00:57:53,010 --> 00:57:53,510
Yeah.

1622
00:57:53,889 --> 00:57:55,329
Can I tell you something I learned that

1623
00:57:55,329 --> 00:57:56,929
is both validating and a little,

1624
00:57:58,289 --> 00:57:59,730
explains kind of what you and I are

1625
00:57:59,730 --> 00:58:02,230
personally going through? Okay. It's a little depressing.

1626
00:58:03,914 --> 00:58:06,474
Okay. So apparently, sometime in your mid forties,

1627
00:58:06,474 --> 00:58:09,855
hi, that's me. And sometime in your early

1628
00:58:09,914 --> 00:58:12,335
to mid sixties, that's you.

1629
00:58:14,315 --> 00:58:15,855
There are things called World collide.

1630
00:58:16,315 --> 00:58:17,135
Things called

1631
00:58:17,675 --> 00:58:19,670
aging bursts, I think is what I've how

1632
00:58:19,670 --> 00:58:21,269
I've seen the said in the headlines. And

1633
00:58:21,269 --> 00:58:22,630
it's this idea that there's kind of a

1634
00:58:22,630 --> 00:58:23,929
cluster of years where

1635
00:58:24,309 --> 00:58:26,630
the aging process kind of explodes a little

1636
00:58:26,630 --> 00:58:28,009
bit, and then you,

1637
00:58:28,309 --> 00:58:30,569
you know, in general, find a new normal.

1638
00:58:31,045 --> 00:58:32,405
And we're both over here going, have I

1639
00:58:32,405 --> 00:58:34,005
lost my mind? Why can't I do this?

1640
00:58:34,005 --> 00:58:35,765
What is happening? And you say a lot,

1641
00:58:35,765 --> 00:58:38,005
I can't do things that and I'm always

1642
00:58:38,085 --> 00:58:39,844
I used to. Yeah. Because you're in your

1643
00:58:39,844 --> 00:58:40,905
sixties. But also,

1644
00:58:41,204 --> 00:58:43,684
if you're going through an aging burst, as

1645
00:58:43,684 --> 00:58:46,029
I am going through an aging burst, As

1646
00:58:46,029 --> 00:58:46,690
a teenager

1647
00:58:46,989 --> 00:58:48,750
is at the height of puberty

1648
00:58:49,150 --> 00:58:50,289
Mhmm. And admitted,

1649
00:58:50,909 --> 00:58:52,909
to us the other day, mom, I can't

1650
00:58:52,909 --> 00:58:54,929
stop thinking about sex. And I was like,

1651
00:58:55,710 --> 00:58:56,609
I get it.

1652
00:58:57,389 --> 00:58:57,889
Sometimes,

1653
00:58:58,190 --> 00:58:58,690
same.

1654
00:59:00,109 --> 00:59:02,094
So So we are all going through aging

1655
00:59:02,155 --> 00:59:03,614
bursts in some way,

1656
00:59:03,914 --> 00:59:05,994
and I don't know how the roof hadn't

1657
00:59:05,994 --> 00:59:08,234
been blown off this. I know. I know.

1658
00:59:08,234 --> 00:59:09,694
Oh my goodness. I know.

1659
00:59:10,394 --> 00:59:10,795
It's,

1660
00:59:11,434 --> 00:59:12,894
it it's been an interesting,

1661
00:59:13,675 --> 00:59:15,949
week. Mhmm. To say the least. Mhmm.

1662
00:59:17,130 --> 00:59:19,469
And we're only halfway through it. I know.

1663
00:59:20,090 --> 00:59:20,590
And,

1664
00:59:21,289 --> 00:59:22,809
we are so out of our groove with

1665
00:59:22,809 --> 00:59:24,650
having a fan in this window that is

1666
00:59:24,650 --> 00:59:27,130
behind us where we're recording. Yeah. That one,

1667
00:59:27,130 --> 00:59:28,875
we almost forgot to turn it off before

1668
00:59:28,875 --> 00:59:31,114
we started recording something, and then clearly almost

1669
00:59:31,114 --> 00:59:33,275
forgot to turn it back on. And can't

1670
00:59:33,275 --> 00:59:35,275
remember to tell y'all, hey, that that's a

1671
00:59:35,275 --> 00:59:36,175
fan. And

1672
00:59:36,474 --> 00:59:39,355
look, it's working. It's it's doing its best.

1673
00:59:39,355 --> 00:59:41,835
It is. Yeah. We we we found we,

1674
00:59:42,074 --> 00:59:43,760
we we were gonna try and do without

1675
00:59:43,760 --> 00:59:45,440
a fan in the windows, you know, you

1676
00:59:45,440 --> 00:59:46,960
know, for quite a while. But,

1677
00:59:48,639 --> 00:59:51,440
we got a brief taste of what summer

1678
00:59:51,440 --> 00:59:53,059
is going to be like.

1679
00:59:54,079 --> 00:59:56,239
And, we're like, no. We we we need

1680
00:59:56,239 --> 00:59:59,014
that fan back. So as as the Internet

1681
00:59:59,014 --> 01:00:01,335
has said, o m g wix is the

1682
01:00:01,335 --> 01:00:02,775
account that Yeah. When I get this from,

1683
01:00:02,775 --> 01:00:04,614
there's a lot of Florida humor on the

1684
01:00:04,614 --> 01:00:05,114
Internet.

1685
01:00:05,974 --> 01:00:08,054
Right now, Florida is just preheating. Like, for

1686
01:00:08,054 --> 01:00:10,214
anybody who's traveling here or who is new

1687
01:00:10,214 --> 01:00:11,630
to Florida and like, oh my god. It's

1688
01:00:11,630 --> 01:00:13,150
so hot. No. No. No. No. This is

1689
01:00:13,150 --> 01:00:15,809
the this is the preheat. Yeah. We we're

1690
01:00:16,030 --> 01:00:18,510
the oven is set for 500. We're only

1691
01:00:18,510 --> 01:00:20,190
at about two fifty right now. We got

1692
01:00:20,190 --> 01:00:21,789
a ways to go. Mhmm. And it will

1693
01:00:21,789 --> 01:00:23,630
only get worse from here. I I am

1694
01:00:23,710 --> 01:00:24,210
Yeah.

1695
01:00:24,644 --> 01:00:27,125
Almost sweating through my shirt right now. There's

1696
01:00:27,125 --> 01:00:28,824
a wet patch. It's gross.

1697
01:00:31,364 --> 01:00:33,125
Because I have no shame, I will happily

1698
01:00:33,125 --> 01:00:35,364
share this, like, little tiny story that's nothing,

1699
01:00:35,364 --> 01:00:35,864
but

1700
01:00:36,164 --> 01:00:38,005
the connection was made in my brain. Sweat

1701
01:00:38,005 --> 01:00:38,505
sweat.

1702
01:00:39,045 --> 01:00:40,025
And my mammogram,

1703
01:00:40,539 --> 01:00:43,420
my annual last week, fine. No big deal.

1704
01:00:43,420 --> 01:00:45,500
I hate getting it. I don't I haven't

1705
01:00:45,500 --> 01:00:47,179
met a person with boobs yet who's like,

1706
01:00:47,179 --> 01:00:48,559
hell, yeah. Let's go to the mammogram.

1707
01:00:48,940 --> 01:00:51,039
But I think it's more of the

1708
01:00:51,500 --> 01:00:53,739
strangers a little too physically close to my

1709
01:00:53,739 --> 01:00:55,579
body even before they grab my boob. Okay?

1710
01:00:55,579 --> 01:00:57,094
And if you've never had a mammogram

1711
01:00:57,394 --> 01:00:59,635
and probably never will or just haven't yet,

1712
01:00:59,635 --> 01:01:00,514
yes. They pick

1713
01:01:01,234 --> 01:01:02,594
I guess maybe if you have small ones,

1714
01:01:02,594 --> 01:01:04,295
they don't. But when you got big ones,

1715
01:01:04,994 --> 01:01:06,835
and gravity is not being kind to them

1716
01:01:06,835 --> 01:01:09,074
anymore, they pick it up and put it

1717
01:01:09,074 --> 01:01:09,574
on

1718
01:01:09,875 --> 01:01:11,559
the flat part. Ask me how I know.

1719
01:01:11,559 --> 01:01:12,619
I've had four of these.

1720
01:01:13,880 --> 01:01:16,359
I started sweating before she even told me

1721
01:01:16,359 --> 01:01:18,280
to untie the little toppy thing I had

1722
01:01:18,280 --> 01:01:18,859
to wear.

1723
01:01:19,800 --> 01:01:21,079
And I knew part of it was nerves,

1724
01:01:21,079 --> 01:01:22,920
but part of it is the increasing hot

1725
01:01:22,920 --> 01:01:24,554
flashes I've been having. And I just went,

1726
01:01:24,714 --> 01:01:26,234
I am so sorry. I'm in the middle

1727
01:01:26,234 --> 01:01:27,835
of a hot flash right now. The sweat

1728
01:01:27,835 --> 01:01:29,375
was pouring off my damn face.

1729
01:01:30,234 --> 01:01:32,335
She goes, it's fine. Happens.

1730
01:01:32,635 --> 01:01:34,875
I hope so at the mammogram place where

1731
01:01:34,875 --> 01:01:37,214
I was the youngest person in the general,

1732
01:01:37,730 --> 01:01:40,069
We all are are tits out

1733
01:01:40,369 --> 01:01:41,190
waiting area.

1734
01:01:43,489 --> 01:01:45,010
She goes, just make sure it's not too

1735
01:01:45,010 --> 01:01:46,469
wet under there. And I'm like,

1736
01:01:47,889 --> 01:01:49,569
this is the highlight. This is the highlight

1737
01:01:49,569 --> 01:01:51,809
of getting a mammogram. Taking the little dressy

1738
01:01:51,809 --> 01:01:53,030
thing, it's kinda like

1739
01:01:57,735 --> 01:02:00,855
boobs to make it not so wet for

1740
01:02:00,855 --> 01:02:01,835
the stranger.

1741
01:02:02,454 --> 01:02:03,835
I was going to literally

1742
01:02:04,775 --> 01:02:06,359
pick it up, and then and then my

1743
01:02:06,359 --> 01:02:08,519
favorite anybody's had a mammogram probably can relate

1744
01:02:08,519 --> 01:02:10,199
to this. Okay. Now move towards me. Move

1745
01:02:10,199 --> 01:02:11,960
towards me. Okay. Put your hand here. Hold

1746
01:02:11,960 --> 01:02:13,960
the machine. Okay. Forward forward. We have to

1747
01:02:13,960 --> 01:02:16,039
get the whole breast in. Yep. Even the

1748
01:02:16,039 --> 01:02:17,960
back fat part. Mhmm. The whole thing. Okay.

1749
01:02:17,960 --> 01:02:19,260
Hold still. Don't breathe.

1750
01:02:20,394 --> 01:02:21,214
And I,

1751
01:02:21,914 --> 01:02:24,255
when I don't think I'm getting enough air,

1752
01:02:24,635 --> 01:02:25,135
panic.

1753
01:02:27,434 --> 01:02:28,815
I would have to time

1754
01:02:29,114 --> 01:02:31,534
the don't breathe remark with a deep inhale.

1755
01:02:31,835 --> 01:02:33,755
Moment she said don't breathe, I could hold

1756
01:02:33,755 --> 01:02:34,255
it.

1757
01:02:35,059 --> 01:02:36,739
She was never as fast as she thought

1758
01:02:36,739 --> 01:02:38,820
she was. My brain was like, you have

1759
01:02:38,820 --> 01:02:40,659
no oxygen. You have no oxygen. You have

1760
01:02:40,659 --> 01:02:41,320
no oxygen.

1761
01:02:41,780 --> 01:02:43,699
I did. Right as I was about to

1762
01:02:43,699 --> 01:02:45,139
go, I can't do this anymore. She'd go,

1763
01:02:45,139 --> 01:02:45,960
okay. Breathe.

1764
01:02:47,539 --> 01:02:48,494
Okay. I'm breathing now.

1765
01:02:53,695 --> 01:02:55,934
So, yeah, you could see why maybe I

1766
01:02:55,934 --> 01:02:57,695
I get a little sweaty before they go

1767
01:02:57,695 --> 01:02:59,375
to do that because I'm now I think

1768
01:02:59,375 --> 01:03:01,934
on my fourth one. Actually, probably my fifth

1769
01:03:01,934 --> 01:03:03,375
because one year I had to go back

1770
01:03:03,375 --> 01:03:05,519
because because they didn't like the quality of

1771
01:03:05,519 --> 01:03:06,019
the

1772
01:03:07,840 --> 01:03:08,739
images. Okay.

1773
01:03:10,320 --> 01:03:11,140
So yeah.

1774
01:03:16,160 --> 01:03:16,660
Yeah.

1775
01:03:19,265 --> 01:03:19,765
Anyway,

1776
01:03:21,025 --> 01:03:23,125
that's the thing on my mind. Right.

1777
01:03:24,065 --> 01:03:24,885
What else?

1778
01:03:26,545 --> 01:03:28,704
Your dog is sacked out over here Oh,

1779
01:03:28,704 --> 01:03:30,785
yeah. On my side. Oh, she's on your

1780
01:03:30,785 --> 01:03:32,890
side? But still with an ear up. Oh.

1781
01:03:32,890 --> 01:03:34,410
So that she can see an ear. Truly.

1782
01:03:34,410 --> 01:03:35,309
Yeah. Yeah.

1783
01:03:35,610 --> 01:03:37,210
She even from this angle. I don't know

1784
01:03:37,210 --> 01:03:38,590
if this is what it really is.

1785
01:03:39,210 --> 01:03:41,050
This angle, yes, her eyes are closed. But

1786
01:03:41,050 --> 01:03:42,890
what they appear to be is like little

1787
01:03:42,890 --> 01:03:45,050
kids scrunched up. I'm gonna make them think

1788
01:03:45,050 --> 01:03:47,255
I'm asleep. But the ears up.

1789
01:03:49,154 --> 01:03:49,654
So

1790
01:03:51,875 --> 01:03:52,375
No.

1791
01:03:53,234 --> 01:03:54,054
What else?

1792
01:03:55,074 --> 01:03:55,815
What else?

1793
01:03:56,355 --> 01:03:59,440
Friday night livestream. Yep. Yep. Got that coming

1794
01:03:59,440 --> 01:03:59,599
up.

1795
01:04:00,880 --> 01:04:03,460
Yeah. I'm I'm still every evening,

1796
01:04:03,920 --> 01:04:06,099
sitting outside on the porch right now and

1797
01:04:06,719 --> 01:04:08,500
subjecting neighbors to,

1798
01:04:11,945 --> 01:04:13,724
the the the twangs of ukulele.

1799
01:04:14,585 --> 01:04:16,525
Neighbor on the right side

1800
01:04:17,385 --> 01:04:19,545
she's so chill. I know. The neighbor on

1801
01:04:19,545 --> 01:04:21,465
the left side is probably a very nice

1802
01:04:21,465 --> 01:04:23,545
little old lady. I don't know. But her

1803
01:04:23,545 --> 01:04:24,605
fucking dog

1804
01:04:25,539 --> 01:04:26,039
yap

1805
01:04:26,339 --> 01:04:28,279
almost all day. So I feel like

1806
01:04:28,739 --> 01:04:29,559
play ukulele

1807
01:04:30,260 --> 01:04:31,559
well or bad.

1808
01:04:32,099 --> 01:04:34,760
They deserve whatever whatever you do.

1809
01:04:37,715 --> 01:04:38,454
Oh, god.

1810
01:04:39,875 --> 01:04:41,554
Well, I I hope it's not a testament

1811
01:04:41,554 --> 01:04:42,914
to my playing, but, you know, when I

1812
01:04:42,914 --> 01:04:44,375
go out there and I I start,

1813
01:04:44,675 --> 01:04:46,914
you know, strumming on stupid thing, that's when

1814
01:04:46,914 --> 01:04:48,135
the dog starts barking.

1815
01:04:48,755 --> 01:04:50,614
Right. Because they sensed movement.

1816
01:04:51,090 --> 01:04:52,690
And these are small dogs, so they are

1817
01:04:52,690 --> 01:04:55,010
afraid of everything. And they think if they

1818
01:04:55,010 --> 01:04:57,090
can see it, sniff it, or hear it,

1819
01:04:57,090 --> 01:04:57,989
it's theirs.

1820
01:04:58,769 --> 01:04:59,170
The,

1821
01:05:00,210 --> 01:05:02,289
the doggy version of Yertle the turtle

1822
01:05:03,329 --> 01:05:05,010
oh my god. They're so annoying now. And,

1823
01:05:05,010 --> 01:05:05,809
you know, I

1824
01:05:06,474 --> 01:05:07,914
maybe it's because we were lucky when we

1825
01:05:07,914 --> 01:05:10,315
had Saki. If you're new here, first dog,

1826
01:05:10,315 --> 01:05:12,155
teeny tiny, our old chill dude. We got

1827
01:05:12,155 --> 01:05:13,835
him when he was 10. Min Pin. He

1828
01:05:13,835 --> 01:05:16,234
was just Mix. Min Pin Chihuahua. Little guy.

1829
01:05:16,234 --> 01:05:17,914
You couldn't pick him up. He didn't really

1830
01:05:17,914 --> 01:05:18,655
like that.

1831
01:05:19,514 --> 01:05:22,230
But chill old dude. Mhmm. But even he

1832
01:05:22,230 --> 01:05:24,650
could get yappy if he thought you looked

1833
01:05:24,710 --> 01:05:26,949
near his yard and he sensed it. Oh,

1834
01:05:26,949 --> 01:05:28,550
yeah. He didn't have to see you. He

1835
01:05:28,550 --> 01:05:31,050
just had to sense it. But Saki

1836
01:05:31,909 --> 01:05:34,414
never did that shit. No. Never

1837
01:05:34,875 --> 01:05:36,795
did that shit. No. No. No. No. No.

1838
01:05:36,795 --> 01:05:38,715
No. No. He did not. He did not.

1839
01:05:38,715 --> 01:05:39,215
No.

1840
01:05:40,074 --> 01:05:42,894
No. And and they're they're they are they

1841
01:05:42,954 --> 01:05:43,695
do get

1842
01:05:43,994 --> 01:05:44,494
annoying.

1843
01:05:45,320 --> 01:05:47,320
And I know several of the other neighbors

1844
01:05:47,320 --> 01:05:47,820
have

1845
01:05:48,440 --> 01:05:50,760
Oh, yeah. That's like the neighborhood, like, thing

1846
01:05:50,760 --> 01:05:52,599
of, oh, god. Those fucking dogs are barking

1847
01:05:52,599 --> 01:05:54,679
again. It's right up there with two doors

1848
01:05:54,679 --> 01:05:55,579
down that direction

1849
01:05:56,199 --> 01:05:59,014
when that neighbor had a beautiful

1850
01:05:59,474 --> 01:06:02,514
but very unruly chocolate lab Mhmm. And kept

1851
01:06:02,514 --> 01:06:04,194
getting out. We would all watch out for

1852
01:06:04,194 --> 01:06:05,554
this dog. We did not want her to

1853
01:06:05,554 --> 01:06:07,815
get hurt. Mhmm. And she really was a

1854
01:06:07,875 --> 01:06:10,755
sweetheart, but she was young and completely untrained

1855
01:06:10,755 --> 01:06:11,414
and undisciplined.

1856
01:06:11,960 --> 01:06:13,799
And so the whole neighborhood is, like, watching

1857
01:06:13,799 --> 01:06:14,839
out for her, trying to get her back

1858
01:06:14,839 --> 01:06:16,199
in so she didn't get hit. But it's

1859
01:06:16,199 --> 01:06:18,920
also like, goddamn it. Keep your dog in

1860
01:06:18,920 --> 01:06:19,659
your house.

1861
01:06:21,159 --> 01:06:22,460
My favorite, there's,

1862
01:06:23,480 --> 01:06:25,559
strays that live in our neighborhood that get

1863
01:06:25,559 --> 01:06:26,940
fed by a neighbor

1864
01:06:27,244 --> 01:06:29,744
on the right side, several houses down. Yeah.

1865
01:06:31,885 --> 01:06:33,644
And she takes care of most of them,

1866
01:06:33,644 --> 01:06:35,344
but one of them kinda comes

1867
01:06:35,724 --> 01:06:37,985
this way towards our end of the neighborhood

1868
01:06:38,285 --> 01:06:41,980
and sits in what I call JB's besties

1869
01:06:42,119 --> 01:06:43,800
house because that's who he likes to do

1870
01:06:43,800 --> 01:06:45,559
some gossiping with. And I appreciate that. Please

1871
01:06:45,559 --> 01:06:46,839
bring the gossip home. I do not want

1872
01:06:46,839 --> 01:06:48,280
to participate in the gossip. I don't wanna

1873
01:06:48,280 --> 01:06:49,639
stand there for it, but please bring it

1874
01:06:49,639 --> 01:06:51,179
home and relay it to me.

1875
01:06:51,880 --> 01:06:54,119
But that one of the that cat who

1876
01:06:54,119 --> 01:06:56,875
goes between these two houses named Butterball does

1877
01:06:56,875 --> 01:06:58,315
not look like a Butterball. I don't know

1878
01:06:58,315 --> 01:06:59,594
where that name came from. But you

1879
01:07:00,234 --> 01:07:02,315
at any usually at the evening, but really

1880
01:07:02,315 --> 01:07:03,594
at any given point in the day, you

1881
01:07:03,594 --> 01:07:04,894
can hear one

1882
01:07:05,275 --> 01:07:07,855
or two or three voices going, Butterball,

1883
01:07:08,530 --> 01:07:10,530
butterball. And they're coming from different sides of

1884
01:07:10,530 --> 01:07:12,470
the neighborhood. I'm like, goddamn it. Butterball

1885
01:07:13,010 --> 01:07:14,309
does not look like a butterball.

1886
01:07:19,090 --> 01:07:20,530
I feel like there was stuff, and I

1887
01:07:20,530 --> 01:07:23,010
don't I've forgotten all the stuff. Or it

1888
01:07:23,010 --> 01:07:24,775
was stuff that was like, I've already talked

1889
01:07:24,775 --> 01:07:26,534
about it to the people who need to

1890
01:07:26,534 --> 01:07:27,835
hear me talk about it.

1891
01:07:30,215 --> 01:07:31,114
I don't know.

1892
01:07:32,614 --> 01:07:33,974
I feel like there's stuff, but I I

1893
01:07:33,974 --> 01:07:35,815
don't have stuff. And then, of course, you

1894
01:07:35,815 --> 01:07:37,335
have to, like, walk the line of don't

1895
01:07:37,335 --> 01:07:39,179
talk too much stuff or you won't have

1896
01:07:39,179 --> 01:07:41,119
stuff for the Friday night livestream.

1897
01:07:41,659 --> 01:07:43,900
I mean, I kinda hope some stuff happens

1898
01:07:43,900 --> 01:07:46,000
between now and then, so I have stuff

1899
01:07:46,380 --> 01:07:47,679
to talk about. Mhmm.

1900
01:07:48,859 --> 01:07:51,654
But I'm I'm hoping I get some had

1901
01:07:51,654 --> 01:07:53,815
to call two different doctor's offices yesterday for

1902
01:07:53,815 --> 01:07:57,414
several for different situations, like, completely, like, unrelated

1903
01:07:57,414 --> 01:07:59,014
things, but, like, lots of phone calls and

1904
01:07:59,014 --> 01:08:01,414
messages online and waiting and waiting, and I'm

1905
01:08:01,414 --> 01:08:02,154
not patient.

1906
01:08:02,775 --> 01:08:04,795
I would like to think that by Friday,

1907
01:08:05,255 --> 01:08:06,474
those will be sorted.

1908
01:08:07,014 --> 01:08:08,769
I can stop thinking about them.

1909
01:08:09,949 --> 01:08:10,449
So

1910
01:08:12,750 --> 01:08:14,670
okay. Mhmm. I guess we can be done.

1911
01:08:14,670 --> 01:08:16,130
Like this. We're good. Yeah.

1912
01:08:16,510 --> 01:08:18,109
Thanks for being here. Mhmm. Especially if you're

1913
01:08:18,109 --> 01:08:20,590
better in. We hope, this series is helpful

1914
01:08:20,590 --> 01:08:23,064
to somebody. Mhmm. If nothing else, we hope

1915
01:08:23,064 --> 01:08:24,824
it can affirm some shit you already knew,

1916
01:08:24,824 --> 01:08:26,505
but maybe you just need to hear somebody

1917
01:08:26,505 --> 01:08:27,805
else go, yes. You're right.

1918
01:08:28,265 --> 01:08:30,824
That works for me often. So Mhmm. Yeah.

1919
01:08:30,824 --> 01:08:33,164
Okay. Alright. Bye. Bye.