1 00:00:09,919 --> 00:00:12,400 You're listening to the Loving BDSM podcast. Kayla 2 00:00:12,400 --> 00:00:14,099 Lords here with the one, the only, 3 00:00:14,559 --> 00:00:15,779 the light of my life. 4 00:00:16,225 --> 00:00:18,324 Wow. The, daddy to my 5 00:00:19,024 --> 00:00:20,404 whatever. I don't know. 6 00:00:21,105 --> 00:00:22,785 Because I started out with good intentions. I 7 00:00:22,785 --> 00:00:24,864 wanted to say something, like, deep and meaningful 8 00:00:24,864 --> 00:00:27,024 and And then I just I don't I 9 00:00:27,024 --> 00:00:28,464 didn't Fell off cliff. I don't know how 10 00:00:28,464 --> 00:00:28,920 to do those 11 00:00:30,120 --> 00:00:32,359 things. You gotta practice. I'm not built that 12 00:00:32,359 --> 00:00:33,659 way. I'm sorry. That's 13 00:00:34,039 --> 00:00:35,340 way too much sentimentality 14 00:00:35,719 --> 00:00:37,399 having to be spoken out loud. Can't I 15 00:00:37,399 --> 00:00:39,020 just give you a look across 16 00:00:39,799 --> 00:00:42,875 a room and you know exactly what it 17 00:00:42,875 --> 00:00:45,675 means just like all the romance novels talk 18 00:00:45,675 --> 00:00:48,094 about? Okay. Scorpio, but from hell. 19 00:00:48,475 --> 00:00:49,675 No. Yeah. If I'm giving you a look 20 00:00:49,675 --> 00:00:51,115 across the room, I'm probably like, are you 21 00:00:51,115 --> 00:00:52,495 fucking kidding me? Right. 22 00:00:54,635 --> 00:00:56,475 Yeah. That's what we're talking about this week. 23 00:00:56,635 --> 00:00:58,929 This week, we have a question from Adam 24 00:00:58,929 --> 00:01:00,609 who knows it makes their sub happy to 25 00:01:00,609 --> 00:01:03,409 call them mommy, but it's a jarring term 26 00:01:03,409 --> 00:01:06,450 for them because they are a mom. It's 27 00:01:06,450 --> 00:01:09,105 just they're they're having feelings and they had 28 00:01:09,185 --> 00:01:11,745 questions. Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If 29 00:01:11,745 --> 00:01:13,185 you're new here, we help kinksters like you 30 00:01:13,185 --> 00:01:15,585 have happy, healthy power exchange relationships. Add the 31 00:01:15,585 --> 00:01:17,265 podcast to your favorite podcast app so you 32 00:01:17,265 --> 00:01:19,105 never miss an episode. And if you would 33 00:01:19,105 --> 00:01:20,784 like us to answer a question that you 34 00:01:20,784 --> 00:01:21,185 have, 35 00:01:21,585 --> 00:01:22,405 you can 36 00:01:22,909 --> 00:01:24,510 get in touch with us, send us your 37 00:01:24,510 --> 00:01:25,010 question, 38 00:01:25,390 --> 00:01:28,209 through a link on our website literally labeled, 39 00:01:30,270 --> 00:01:32,430 answer you know, ask your question. Almost forgot 40 00:01:32,430 --> 00:01:34,270 what words were. I don't know. Our website 41 00:01:34,270 --> 00:01:35,894 is lovingBDSM.net. 42 00:01:35,974 --> 00:01:38,134 That's lovingBDSM.net, 43 00:01:38,134 --> 00:01:39,734 or you can find the link in the 44 00:01:39,734 --> 00:01:40,634 show notes page. 45 00:01:41,015 --> 00:01:42,935 Okay. Let's get into the question. Mhmm. I 46 00:01:42,935 --> 00:01:45,015 stepped back into the BDSM lifestyle as a 47 00:01:45,015 --> 00:01:47,174 dom about two years ago after an eighteen 48 00:01:47,174 --> 00:01:47,994 year hiatus. 49 00:01:48,454 --> 00:01:50,375 Sexuality and kink have long been passions of 50 00:01:50,375 --> 00:01:51,870 mine. And even when I wasn't living my 51 00:01:51,870 --> 00:01:53,790 truth as a dominant, I've always been very 52 00:01:53,790 --> 00:01:56,670 passionate about the proverbial never yuck someone else's 53 00:01:56,670 --> 00:01:59,150 young mentality, and I have zero tolerance for 54 00:01:59,150 --> 00:01:59,969 kink shaming. 55 00:02:00,270 --> 00:02:02,030 I've been very fortunate these last two and 56 00:02:02,030 --> 00:02:04,030 a half years to find amazing resources such 57 00:02:04,030 --> 00:02:06,225 as your podcast. Thank you. Thank you. And 58 00:02:06,225 --> 00:02:08,544 I've met some really amazing people including my 59 00:02:08,544 --> 00:02:10,165 fantast my current submissive. 60 00:02:10,544 --> 00:02:12,145 We met about six months ago. He has 61 00:02:12,145 --> 00:02:14,385 been a fantastic submissive, and it has been 62 00:02:14,385 --> 00:02:17,264 great fun witnessing our evolution both individually and 63 00:02:17,264 --> 00:02:17,764 together. 64 00:02:18,064 --> 00:02:20,129 Our communication foundation is strong and one of 65 00:02:20,129 --> 00:02:21,729 the things I am most proud of about 66 00:02:21,729 --> 00:02:22,389 our dynamic. 67 00:02:22,930 --> 00:02:24,770 Many of our kink needs align, but like 68 00:02:24,770 --> 00:02:26,550 most things in life, nothing is perfect. 69 00:02:26,849 --> 00:02:28,930 I recall a while back JB mentioning that 70 00:02:28,930 --> 00:02:31,650 initially he had challenges with the daddy role 71 00:02:31,650 --> 00:02:32,389 and title. 72 00:02:32,905 --> 00:02:35,224 My submissive is very interested in adding a 73 00:02:35,224 --> 00:02:37,705 mommy title to our dynamic. With him, my 74 00:02:37,705 --> 00:02:39,485 Dom energy is definitely motherly, 75 00:02:39,944 --> 00:02:42,424 caring and nurturing and I enjoy calling him 76 00:02:42,424 --> 00:02:43,965 my good boy very much. 77 00:02:44,424 --> 00:02:45,944 Mommy has slipped out a few times in 78 00:02:45,944 --> 00:02:47,625 our play lately and in the moment I 79 00:02:47,625 --> 00:02:49,709 let it slide. It's not a hard limit. 80 00:02:49,709 --> 00:02:52,509 However, I am actually a mother, so it's 81 00:02:52,509 --> 00:02:54,270 jarring to hear it directed at me during 82 00:02:54,270 --> 00:02:54,930 our scenes. 83 00:02:55,229 --> 00:02:57,150 I know he would absolutely stop saying it 84 00:02:57,150 --> 00:02:58,509 if I asked him to, but I know 85 00:02:58,509 --> 00:03:00,110 how much pleasure it would give him if 86 00:03:00,110 --> 00:03:02,364 I allowed it. And like many dominants, I'm 87 00:03:02,364 --> 00:03:04,284 all about using the things that pleasure my 88 00:03:04,284 --> 00:03:06,465 submissive to my full sadistic advantage. 89 00:03:06,764 --> 00:03:08,364 So I would love to hear any advice 90 00:03:08,364 --> 00:03:10,625 that you can give, especially from you, JB, 91 00:03:10,844 --> 00:03:12,685 about how you came to be okay with 92 00:03:12,685 --> 00:03:13,985 the daddy title. 93 00:03:15,650 --> 00:03:17,889 Well, you know, yeah. I I was not, 94 00:03:18,689 --> 00:03:20,229 okay with it at first. 95 00:03:20,530 --> 00:03:22,610 You flat out rejected it and laughed your 96 00:03:22,610 --> 00:03:23,989 ass off when I asked. 97 00:03:25,090 --> 00:03:25,590 And 98 00:03:25,889 --> 00:03:27,569 and I guess, you know, it it was 99 00:03:27,569 --> 00:03:28,709 because of the 100 00:03:29,485 --> 00:03:29,985 daddy 101 00:03:30,444 --> 00:03:32,944 title per se. Now I'm I'm curious. 102 00:03:33,885 --> 00:03:36,125 You previous to me had not you had 103 00:03:36,125 --> 00:03:37,564 not raised a child who referred to you 104 00:03:37,564 --> 00:03:39,965 as daddy. You have raised children Correct. But 105 00:03:39,965 --> 00:03:42,045 did they never referred to you as dad, 106 00:03:42,045 --> 00:03:44,250 daddy. So okay. So you didn't have that 107 00:03:44,250 --> 00:03:45,789 kind of situation. Okay. 108 00:03:46,650 --> 00:03:48,330 And and yet even though I didn't raise 109 00:03:48,569 --> 00:03:51,789 Mhmm. Kids, I still had that Absolutely. Perception. 110 00:03:51,930 --> 00:03:53,930 Absolutely. You were their dad, for sure for 111 00:03:53,930 --> 00:03:54,750 sure. Okay. 112 00:03:55,530 --> 00:03:56,030 So, 113 00:03:56,330 --> 00:03:57,629 you know, to 114 00:03:59,085 --> 00:04:01,664 use daddy for me in a different application 115 00:04:02,205 --> 00:04:04,544 was weird. Mhmm. Was very weird. 116 00:04:07,324 --> 00:04:08,865 And I think I grew 117 00:04:09,564 --> 00:04:10,384 past that 118 00:04:11,180 --> 00:04:12,799 because I realized that 119 00:04:13,819 --> 00:04:15,759 the two are diametrically different. 120 00:04:16,060 --> 00:04:18,959 Mhmm. Okay? Very very diametrically different. 121 00:04:19,899 --> 00:04:21,660 It it took a bit for that to 122 00:04:21,660 --> 00:04:23,979 sink in. I'm not gonna lie. Mhmm. But 123 00:04:23,979 --> 00:04:25,214 it eventually did. 124 00:04:25,694 --> 00:04:27,854 So there was no there I know okay. 125 00:04:27,854 --> 00:04:29,454 Let me back up. I know the first 126 00:04:29,454 --> 00:04:31,055 time I asked you because I was asking 127 00:04:31,055 --> 00:04:32,574 if you thought you could be a daddy 128 00:04:32,574 --> 00:04:34,574 dom Mhmm. Because I was learning at the 129 00:04:34,574 --> 00:04:36,814 time and I was applying my knowledge and 130 00:04:36,814 --> 00:04:37,875 he fit the bill. 131 00:04:38,654 --> 00:04:39,394 And you 132 00:04:42,550 --> 00:04:44,729 and you laughed and went no. 133 00:04:46,870 --> 00:04:48,970 I'm curious though. Mhmm. 134 00:04:50,629 --> 00:04:51,529 I'm curious 135 00:04:52,310 --> 00:04:53,370 if it was 136 00:04:54,069 --> 00:04:55,289 the term itself 137 00:04:55,589 --> 00:04:58,024 or it was the idea of 138 00:04:58,404 --> 00:05:00,644 what daddy meant, if it was both. It 139 00:05:00,644 --> 00:05:02,485 was a little bit of both, but mostly 140 00:05:02,485 --> 00:05:03,625 the idea of what 141 00:05:04,324 --> 00:05:07,605 daddy meant. In a kink sense? No. Outside 142 00:05:07,605 --> 00:05:09,876 the kink sense. So this is what I'm 143 00:05:09,876 --> 00:05:12,594 trying to get to. Yeah. Then I'm trying 144 00:05:12,594 --> 00:05:15,011 really hard to get there, and I'm not 145 00:05:15,011 --> 00:05:17,427 asking the questions very well. So when I 146 00:05:17,427 --> 00:05:19,844 was asking you about being a daddy dom, 147 00:05:19,844 --> 00:05:22,260 was it less about what it means in 148 00:05:22,260 --> 00:05:24,615 kink and more about the association? Okay. Okay. 149 00:05:24,615 --> 00:05:26,214 That's where I'm like, it wasn't that you 150 00:05:26,214 --> 00:05:28,055 were like, oh, daddy doms. I don't wanna 151 00:05:28,055 --> 00:05:29,894 be that kind of dom. I always thought 152 00:05:29,894 --> 00:05:31,894 it was. I took it to mean No. 153 00:05:32,055 --> 00:05:33,975 That you didn't like that kink. It it 154 00:05:33,975 --> 00:05:36,389 had to do with the literal Mhmm. Gotcha. 155 00:05:36,870 --> 00:05:39,350 Use of the word. Okay. Okay? We're now 156 00:05:39,350 --> 00:05:40,490 all on the same page 157 00:05:40,949 --> 00:05:43,430 after all these years. I've been calling you 158 00:05:43,430 --> 00:05:45,590 daddy a very long time. Have at this 159 00:05:45,590 --> 00:05:47,670 point. Yeah. So the first time I did 160 00:05:47,670 --> 00:05:49,509 call you because I did not immediately just 161 00:05:49,509 --> 00:05:51,334 call you that. We talked about the dynamic. 162 00:05:51,334 --> 00:05:52,475 You had your response, 163 00:05:53,095 --> 00:05:53,754 and yet 164 00:05:54,615 --> 00:05:56,214 I did a thing I I I would 165 00:05:56,214 --> 00:05:58,235 not say everybody should do 166 00:05:58,615 --> 00:06:00,615 because I had to take it on a 167 00:06:00,615 --> 00:06:02,189 little bit of faith that I would not 168 00:06:02,269 --> 00:06:04,269 freak you out so much that you would 169 00:06:04,269 --> 00:06:07,069 be upset with me. Because first, I asked 170 00:06:07,069 --> 00:06:09,490 you about it. Right. And you're like, nope. 171 00:06:10,910 --> 00:06:13,709 But then your behavior continued to like, I 172 00:06:13,709 --> 00:06:14,925 just kept reading 173 00:06:15,964 --> 00:06:17,345 daddy's arm into it. 174 00:06:17,884 --> 00:06:19,664 And then in a very intimate 175 00:06:19,964 --> 00:06:22,365 naked sweaty moment, I called you daddy and 176 00:06:22,365 --> 00:06:23,664 you have this big reaction. 177 00:06:24,125 --> 00:06:26,444 So when you heard it in that context 178 00:06:26,685 --> 00:06:28,544 In in the in that moment 179 00:06:28,925 --> 00:06:29,670 in at 180 00:06:30,230 --> 00:06:31,850 at that time, 181 00:06:33,670 --> 00:06:35,790 and I can't even say exactly what it 182 00:06:35,790 --> 00:06:37,770 was Mhmm. At this point especially. 183 00:06:40,310 --> 00:06:43,004 But something just clicked. Mhmm. It just felt 184 00:06:43,004 --> 00:06:44,764 right in that moment. And it felt right 185 00:06:44,764 --> 00:06:45,665 in that moment, 186 00:06:46,365 --> 00:06:49,084 and and from that point on, I was 187 00:06:49,084 --> 00:06:52,925 able to begin grasping that moniker. Okay. So 188 00:06:52,925 --> 00:06:54,764 then that's what I'm curious about for this 189 00:06:54,764 --> 00:06:56,685 person's question, anybody else who's going through it. 190 00:06:56,685 --> 00:06:58,259 Once you heard it and it felt okay, 191 00:06:58,819 --> 00:07:00,740 okay, what was that thought process? What was 192 00:07:00,740 --> 00:07:01,480 that energy 193 00:07:01,939 --> 00:07:04,420 to go from, oh, this isn't the worst 194 00:07:04,420 --> 00:07:06,420 I've ever heard? And his response proved at 195 00:07:06,420 --> 00:07:07,779 the moment it was not the worst thing 196 00:07:07,779 --> 00:07:09,779 you'd ever heard Yeah. To just accepting, yeah, 197 00:07:09,779 --> 00:07:11,220 that's who you are. Like, what was that 198 00:07:11,220 --> 00:07:13,060 like? For me at that point, then I 199 00:07:13,060 --> 00:07:15,085 kind of started doing my own, 200 00:07:16,985 --> 00:07:18,764 research. Mhmm. Okay. 201 00:07:19,625 --> 00:07:21,865 And and as I kinda saw what was, 202 00:07:21,865 --> 00:07:23,705 you know, involved with all this and what, 203 00:07:23,705 --> 00:07:24,685 you know, the 204 00:07:24,985 --> 00:07:26,585 the tenants of a daddy dom were, I 205 00:07:26,585 --> 00:07:27,645 was like, oh, 206 00:07:28,339 --> 00:07:30,900 yeah. That does kinda Am I looking into 207 00:07:30,900 --> 00:07:32,920 a mirror right now? Yeah. Yeah. 208 00:07:34,020 --> 00:07:36,439 So that's, you know, kinda where Mhmm. 209 00:07:37,540 --> 00:07:38,600 So for you, 210 00:07:39,060 --> 00:07:40,520 it feels a little 211 00:07:41,220 --> 00:07:42,920 a little less like this particular 212 00:07:43,495 --> 00:07:46,055 journey that this person's on because we talked 213 00:07:46,055 --> 00:07:48,214 about it. You rejected it. I went out 214 00:07:48,214 --> 00:07:49,814 on a big old limb. I could have 215 00:07:49,814 --> 00:07:51,035 been very, very wrong. 216 00:07:51,495 --> 00:07:53,735 It was intuitive for me, and speaking to 217 00:07:53,735 --> 00:07:55,350 other subs who might wanna try this, I 218 00:07:55,350 --> 00:07:57,589 I wouldn't recommend you just throw out a 219 00:07:57,589 --> 00:08:00,470 a term, an endearment at a partner without 220 00:08:00,470 --> 00:08:02,149 really feeling like you know them and you've 221 00:08:02,149 --> 00:08:04,410 got that connection. Like, if there's any doubt, 222 00:08:04,470 --> 00:08:05,830 go ahead and wait wait that one out. 223 00:08:05,830 --> 00:08:07,830 Because I wanted to say it for ages 224 00:08:07,830 --> 00:08:10,935 before I finally went, this just feels right 225 00:08:10,935 --> 00:08:13,014 in the moment. And, like, I am y'all, 226 00:08:13,014 --> 00:08:15,735 I was getting my brains plowed out. Yeah. 227 00:08:15,735 --> 00:08:17,334 I was hanging off the side of a 228 00:08:17,334 --> 00:08:19,435 bed, and I'm still because my brain compartmentalizes. 229 00:08:19,654 --> 00:08:21,014 So I was still going, look. If he 230 00:08:21,014 --> 00:08:22,939 doesn't like it, you'll just apologize and you'll 231 00:08:22,939 --> 00:08:24,220 move on and it'll be okay. Yeah. But 232 00:08:24,220 --> 00:08:25,419 I was like, this feels so right, and 233 00:08:25,419 --> 00:08:27,019 so I did it. That won't be true 234 00:08:27,019 --> 00:08:29,339 for everybody if you don't feel that Right. 235 00:08:29,339 --> 00:08:31,339 Don't do it. Absolutely. I would not recommend 236 00:08:31,339 --> 00:08:33,259 that. Now in this person's case, the thought 237 00:08:33,259 --> 00:08:35,179 that came to me when I was reading 238 00:08:35,179 --> 00:08:37,725 their question was, okay. It doesn't sound like 239 00:08:37,725 --> 00:08:39,804 for you, the vibe was off. You were 240 00:08:39,804 --> 00:08:42,865 not comfortable with the caregiver vibe at first. 241 00:08:43,004 --> 00:08:46,365 And it was less the title is for 242 00:08:46,365 --> 00:08:47,345 us was intricately 243 00:08:47,644 --> 00:08:49,964 linked, but it was the what does that 244 00:08:49,964 --> 00:08:52,284 even mean part. It sounds to me like 245 00:08:52,284 --> 00:08:52,799 for this 246 00:08:53,759 --> 00:08:56,240 person, it's the vibe is fine. They're kinda 247 00:08:56,240 --> 00:08:58,259 happy to be that Yeah. With their partner. 248 00:08:58,320 --> 00:09:00,339 It's the Maybe it's the term. The term. 249 00:09:00,559 --> 00:09:03,059 Right. And and, you know, that that's something 250 00:09:03,519 --> 00:09:06,514 that is has been a a quest 251 00:09:06,894 --> 00:09:09,134 in the community for a long time. Mhmm. 252 00:09:09,455 --> 00:09:11,955 Because not everybody does like those titles. 253 00:09:12,975 --> 00:09:14,274 Now at the same time, 254 00:09:15,774 --> 00:09:16,754 this one here. 255 00:09:17,134 --> 00:09:17,634 Okay. 256 00:09:18,350 --> 00:09:20,589 Would absolutely freak out if somebody else started 257 00:09:20,589 --> 00:09:22,750 calling me. It's the only thing I'm super 258 00:09:22,750 --> 00:09:24,750 possessive about. Like It is. You have been 259 00:09:24,750 --> 00:09:26,669 a caregiver, Dom, for other partners, and I 260 00:09:26,669 --> 00:09:28,029 don't have a problem with that. I just 261 00:09:28,029 --> 00:09:30,029 said, look, I'm gonna get you to find 262 00:09:30,029 --> 00:09:31,149 a different term. I don't 263 00:09:31,934 --> 00:09:33,154 if you had objected, 264 00:09:33,535 --> 00:09:35,774 if you had objected and said, I'm this 265 00:09:35,774 --> 00:09:37,535 is the right term for me, we would 266 00:09:37,535 --> 00:09:38,735 have had to talk. I would have had 267 00:09:38,735 --> 00:09:40,495 to, like we'd have to work it out. 268 00:09:40,495 --> 00:09:43,154 Yeah. Thankfully, your partners and you 269 00:09:43,535 --> 00:09:45,054 were like, we're gonna let Kayla just be 270 00:09:45,054 --> 00:09:46,019 crazy. It'll be fine. 271 00:09:47,139 --> 00:09:49,139 Yeah. But yeah. But, you know, and and, 272 00:09:49,139 --> 00:09:50,980 you know, we we have a long time, 273 00:09:51,779 --> 00:09:52,519 friend and, 274 00:09:53,059 --> 00:09:55,779 you know, she calls me papa bear. Mhmm. 275 00:09:55,779 --> 00:09:58,420 You know? So you you you may need 276 00:09:58,420 --> 00:10:00,920 to try playing with different terms. 277 00:10:03,945 --> 00:10:06,524 You know, papa bear, mama bear? Maybe. 278 00:10:07,544 --> 00:10:10,365 I I know some people use the term 279 00:10:11,625 --> 00:10:15,039 puppy, peppy. Poppy. Poppy and mommy. Yeah. I'm 280 00:10:15,039 --> 00:10:16,740 not gonna try and do an accent consultant. 281 00:10:16,799 --> 00:10:18,960 But you y'all know. If you know, you 282 00:10:18,960 --> 00:10:20,799 know. Yeah. So, you know, there there's there's 283 00:10:20,799 --> 00:10:22,639 different things like that that you can, you 284 00:10:22,639 --> 00:10:22,799 know 285 00:10:23,679 --> 00:10:26,720 Absolutely. In in preparation for this question, I 286 00:10:26,720 --> 00:10:29,215 have I found on Reddit ages ago, 287 00:10:29,835 --> 00:10:31,535 somebody a kinkster created, 288 00:10:31,914 --> 00:10:32,975 a Google document 289 00:10:33,595 --> 00:10:34,894 for as many, 290 00:10:35,595 --> 00:10:37,914 honorifics and terms both for doms and subs 291 00:10:37,914 --> 00:10:40,075 that they could compile from their own community. 292 00:10:40,075 --> 00:10:42,394 It's a massive list. I bet. I bet. 293 00:10:42,394 --> 00:10:43,850 One for Dom's, one for Saps. 294 00:10:44,309 --> 00:10:46,070 One, I will link those in the places 295 00:10:46,070 --> 00:10:48,629 for anybody who's just curious to see what 296 00:10:48,629 --> 00:10:51,190 kinds of terms people use. And two, I 297 00:10:51,190 --> 00:10:52,970 went and was like, is there anything 298 00:10:53,429 --> 00:10:57,235 that that to me not knowing y'all specifically, 299 00:10:57,294 --> 00:10:59,294 but to me, like, jumps out as, oh, 300 00:10:59,294 --> 00:11:02,174 this could be an alternative if it vibes. 301 00:11:02,174 --> 00:11:04,254 Right? Mhmm. So I wrote some down in 302 00:11:04,254 --> 00:11:05,855 our in our little notes here. Ah. A 303 00:11:05,855 --> 00:11:08,230 couple did make me couple did make me 304 00:11:08,230 --> 00:11:08,730 giggle. 305 00:11:09,269 --> 00:11:10,809 So somebody has done dommy. 306 00:11:11,350 --> 00:11:13,269 So it's dom with the instead of saying 307 00:11:13,269 --> 00:11:15,269 mommy. The one that that really made me 308 00:11:15,269 --> 00:11:16,889 giggle was dommy mommy. 309 00:11:17,350 --> 00:11:18,950 I don't know why that tickles me, but 310 00:11:18,950 --> 00:11:20,709 it does. And it if it's the just 311 00:11:20,709 --> 00:11:23,115 the idea of mommy because you are a 312 00:11:23,115 --> 00:11:23,615 mother, 313 00:11:24,075 --> 00:11:26,955 then don't, like, twist yourself into knots to 314 00:11:26,955 --> 00:11:28,875 try and make that work. The other thing 315 00:11:28,875 --> 00:11:31,195 that you mentioned is trying the term for 316 00:11:31,195 --> 00:11:34,154 mother or mommy or mom in other languages. 317 00:11:34,154 --> 00:11:35,519 Now I did I did a quick 318 00:11:36,240 --> 00:11:38,000 search. A lot of them are very similar, 319 00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:39,620 maybe just pronounced differently. 320 00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:40,500 Yeah. 321 00:11:41,679 --> 00:11:42,660 Then there's also 322 00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:45,279 forms of the word mom that maybe your 323 00:11:45,279 --> 00:11:48,080 own children never used. You know? Mhmm. To 324 00:11:48,080 --> 00:11:50,980 this day, my mother I am 45. 325 00:11:51,225 --> 00:11:53,384 My mother is in her sixties. She is 326 00:11:53,384 --> 00:11:56,184 still mama because that's that's her name. Okay? 327 00:11:56,184 --> 00:11:57,944 That's her name, and I'm southern, and I've 328 00:11:57,944 --> 00:12:00,044 never called her anything else. So 329 00:12:00,584 --> 00:12:01,644 I could conceivably 330 00:12:02,264 --> 00:12:03,164 refer to 331 00:12:04,120 --> 00:12:06,039 somebody else if I was in that kind 332 00:12:06,039 --> 00:12:06,860 of role in 333 00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:07,820 mother. 334 00:12:09,080 --> 00:12:10,860 Mommy? No. Because my children 335 00:12:11,320 --> 00:12:13,080 call me have still when they're trying to 336 00:12:13,080 --> 00:12:14,379 be sweet, will call me mommy. 337 00:12:14,759 --> 00:12:16,200 And they get what they want because it 338 00:12:16,200 --> 00:12:16,759 melts my heart. 339 00:12:17,720 --> 00:12:20,425 So then there's, I saw caregiver, like, the 340 00:12:20,425 --> 00:12:22,665 very formal caregiver. Mhmm. I saw one that 341 00:12:22,665 --> 00:12:24,825 was caretaker, and I immediately started singing the 342 00:12:24,825 --> 00:12:26,684 Ghostbusters theme song in my head. 343 00:12:29,065 --> 00:12:30,445 Miss and Your Name, 344 00:12:31,065 --> 00:12:34,240 that is, stereotypically kind of a Southern vibe 345 00:12:34,240 --> 00:12:35,839 kind of thing. We do that a lot 346 00:12:35,839 --> 00:12:37,440 or used to. It's older, 347 00:12:37,839 --> 00:12:40,580 generations now, where you're like, when you're introducing 348 00:12:40,639 --> 00:12:41,940 a child to an adult, 349 00:12:42,879 --> 00:12:44,480 it's more common to go miss and then 350 00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:46,500 last name, but it's very common in 351 00:12:47,324 --> 00:12:50,444 more emotionally intimate vibes, like this person is 352 00:12:50,444 --> 00:12:52,784 a family friend or, you know, an elder, 353 00:12:53,324 --> 00:12:53,824 miss 354 00:12:54,125 --> 00:12:56,304 Mary, miss Susan. Right? 355 00:12:56,764 --> 00:12:58,684 And that might be an option. I saw 356 00:12:58,684 --> 00:13:01,804 somebody do Maddie combo of mom and daddy. 357 00:13:01,804 --> 00:13:03,870 Okay. I was like, okay. Okay. 358 00:13:04,490 --> 00:13:06,169 And then, you know, you could even go, 359 00:13:06,169 --> 00:13:08,649 like, real, like, high fancy and madam. Mhmm. 360 00:13:08,809 --> 00:13:10,730 That might be too fancy for the vibe 361 00:13:10,730 --> 00:13:12,409 you're going for, but it really is all 362 00:13:12,409 --> 00:13:13,850 about the vibe and it is about I 363 00:13:13,850 --> 00:13:16,250 think about thinking outside of the box. If 364 00:13:16,250 --> 00:13:16,990 the term 365 00:13:17,434 --> 00:13:20,235 is too closely connected to other parts of 366 00:13:20,235 --> 00:13:22,794 your life and and the term itself kinda 367 00:13:22,794 --> 00:13:24,394 gets you out of the headspace and gives 368 00:13:24,394 --> 00:13:26,554 you feelings that you don't wanna have, but 369 00:13:26,554 --> 00:13:27,754 you want to be able to have this 370 00:13:27,754 --> 00:13:29,054 connection with your partner, 371 00:13:29,360 --> 00:13:31,600 There's nothing wrong with thinking outside the box 372 00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:33,680 and going coming up with another term that 373 00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:34,420 you both 374 00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:37,120 connect to. So like I said, I'm gonna 375 00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:38,720 link to those lists. Those lists have been 376 00:13:38,720 --> 00:13:40,580 invaluable to me for a few things. 377 00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:43,220 I'm very grateful to that person who 378 00:13:43,934 --> 00:13:46,754 who compiled those lists. They're they're massive. 379 00:13:47,455 --> 00:13:49,375 I bet. I bet. And I'm I don't 380 00:13:49,375 --> 00:13:50,815 know if the person adds to them all 381 00:13:50,815 --> 00:13:52,735 the time or not. I I haven't noticed 382 00:13:52,735 --> 00:13:53,475 that. But 383 00:13:54,014 --> 00:13:56,735 so yeah. For anybody who's like, the terms 384 00:13:56,735 --> 00:13:59,190 that seem air quote standard do not fit. 385 00:13:59,350 --> 00:14:02,230 Yeah. Feel free to get creative for sure 386 00:14:02,230 --> 00:14:04,490 for sure. I I even have heard, 387 00:14:04,950 --> 00:14:06,330 people use coach. 388 00:14:07,190 --> 00:14:09,929 Oh, yeah. I've recommended coach, boss, 389 00:14:11,110 --> 00:14:13,544 judge. I've seen captain. I know for a 390 00:14:13,544 --> 00:14:16,024 fact we've met, a couple that they use 391 00:14:16,024 --> 00:14:17,084 captain. Yep. 392 00:14:17,544 --> 00:14:20,044 And they've even used other, like, doctor. 393 00:14:20,584 --> 00:14:22,105 And they were not doing medical play. That 394 00:14:22,105 --> 00:14:24,899 was just a title that worked. Right? What's 395 00:14:24,899 --> 00:14:25,639 up, doc? 396 00:14:26,500 --> 00:14:27,459 Yeah. I can't 397 00:14:28,820 --> 00:14:30,419 You just you just have to get a 398 00:14:30,419 --> 00:14:31,720 carrot and then, you 399 00:14:33,299 --> 00:14:34,419 know, conduct an, 400 00:14:34,980 --> 00:14:37,424 an orchestra and an opera or something. 401 00:14:43,424 --> 00:14:43,825 Anyway 402 00:14:44,304 --> 00:14:45,764 God, I feel old now. 403 00:14:47,105 --> 00:14:49,105 So yeah. I I think the first thing 404 00:14:49,105 --> 00:14:50,705 to solve for yourself, is it the vibe 405 00:14:50,705 --> 00:14:52,339 or is it the term? If if you're 406 00:14:52,339 --> 00:14:53,959 good with the caregiver vibe, 407 00:14:54,740 --> 00:14:57,459 you know, some there's something to the idea 408 00:14:57,459 --> 00:14:59,940 of just the more you hear the term 409 00:14:59,940 --> 00:15:02,919 associated with you outside of your actual parenting 410 00:15:03,059 --> 00:15:03,554 role, 411 00:15:04,434 --> 00:15:06,274 maybe you'll get used to it. But I 412 00:15:06,274 --> 00:15:07,875 don't think anybody should have to get used 413 00:15:07,875 --> 00:15:09,075 to something that they don't want to get 414 00:15:09,075 --> 00:15:10,914 used to. Like any almost anything can be 415 00:15:10,914 --> 00:15:11,414 normalized. 416 00:15:12,195 --> 00:15:15,235 If it feels better to just find another 417 00:15:15,235 --> 00:15:16,590 term that resonates 418 00:15:17,629 --> 00:15:19,629 with both of you, that is the thing 419 00:15:19,629 --> 00:15:21,470 I would I would say. I we have 420 00:15:21,470 --> 00:15:21,970 long 421 00:15:22,430 --> 00:15:23,009 talked about 422 00:15:23,629 --> 00:15:25,230 do I wish my father was still alive? 423 00:15:25,230 --> 00:15:27,309 I mean, mostly. I might send him therapy 424 00:15:27,309 --> 00:15:28,129 bills. But, 425 00:15:28,670 --> 00:15:30,269 but if my dad was still alive he 426 00:15:30,269 --> 00:15:33,014 was daddy. Okay? My whole life, I never 427 00:15:33,014 --> 00:15:34,315 called him anything else. 428 00:15:34,855 --> 00:15:37,174 It never worked. He didn't like it. I 429 00:15:37,174 --> 00:15:37,334 was 430 00:15:38,615 --> 00:15:41,095 k? And I've always said, if he had 431 00:15:41,095 --> 00:15:43,174 been alive when I met JB and figured 432 00:15:43,174 --> 00:15:44,534 out I was kinky and figured out I 433 00:15:44,534 --> 00:15:46,590 was a baby girl, I don't know what 434 00:15:46,670 --> 00:15:48,269 if I could have done it. I really 435 00:15:48,269 --> 00:15:50,509 don't because in my mind, that connection was 436 00:15:50,509 --> 00:15:51,570 a little too close. 437 00:15:52,350 --> 00:15:54,190 But I didn't have to worry about that. 438 00:15:54,190 --> 00:15:56,429 I have I've made that very do you 439 00:15:56,429 --> 00:15:58,049 wanna know how weird it is now? 440 00:15:58,504 --> 00:16:00,845 When I talk about my father 441 00:16:01,865 --> 00:16:04,504 to anybody who would have known I called 442 00:16:04,504 --> 00:16:06,684 him daddy, I cannot say daddy. 443 00:16:07,065 --> 00:16:10,205 I'm like, my dad, my father, you know? 444 00:16:10,664 --> 00:16:13,549 It because now daddy has the association with 445 00:16:13,549 --> 00:16:13,950 you. 446 00:16:14,350 --> 00:16:16,190 And it don't feel right. So I don't 447 00:16:16,190 --> 00:16:17,230 know what I would have done if he 448 00:16:17,230 --> 00:16:19,790 was still living. Really don't. I'm glad I'm 449 00:16:19,790 --> 00:16:21,389 I'm not glad he's gone, but I'm glad 450 00:16:21,389 --> 00:16:23,950 I didn't have to decide. Right? Have that 451 00:16:23,950 --> 00:16:26,210 wing on you. Right. And I, you know, 452 00:16:26,429 --> 00:16:28,375 I can't imagine being a mommy, but I 453 00:16:28,375 --> 00:16:28,954 can absolutely 454 00:16:29,654 --> 00:16:30,154 understand 455 00:16:31,014 --> 00:16:34,214 if another person who I was not the 456 00:16:34,214 --> 00:16:35,194 parent of 457 00:16:36,294 --> 00:16:37,975 used that term for me. I think it 458 00:16:37,975 --> 00:16:39,414 would be jarring for me. I don't think 459 00:16:39,414 --> 00:16:41,194 I could make I could disconnect and compartmentalize 460 00:16:41,574 --> 00:16:42,154 like that. 461 00:16:42,459 --> 00:16:44,539 You're well you know, you're welcome to just 462 00:16:44,539 --> 00:16:46,139 see if you get used to it enough 463 00:16:46,139 --> 00:16:47,899 times and then it doesn't matter or mean 464 00:16:47,899 --> 00:16:49,759 anything. But I I think, 465 00:16:50,139 --> 00:16:52,620 you know, just find another word that means 466 00:16:52,620 --> 00:16:54,220 something to the two of you that Right. 467 00:16:54,299 --> 00:16:54,940 That feels 468 00:16:55,295 --> 00:16:57,535 that gives your sub that same feeling and 469 00:16:57,535 --> 00:17:00,434 resonates better with you. You know? The 470 00:17:00,735 --> 00:17:02,575 the thing that keeps coming to mind with 471 00:17:02,575 --> 00:17:04,115 a lot of what we talk about 472 00:17:04,494 --> 00:17:06,994 in in all facets of power exchange 473 00:17:07,390 --> 00:17:08,849 is just how customizable 474 00:17:09,309 --> 00:17:12,690 kink is. Yeah. Like, every facet of it, 475 00:17:13,230 --> 00:17:14,750 you get to customize and make it work 476 00:17:14,750 --> 00:17:17,569 for yourself. So, yes, there are certain titles 477 00:17:17,630 --> 00:17:19,250 and labels and terms 478 00:17:19,734 --> 00:17:21,974 that we hear most often that are the 479 00:17:21,974 --> 00:17:23,355 stereotype, that are the cliche, 480 00:17:23,894 --> 00:17:26,375 that feel but are not air quote standard. 481 00:17:26,375 --> 00:17:28,214 Right? Because nothing we do in kink is 482 00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:30,714 standard. That's kind of like the point. Right? 483 00:17:31,414 --> 00:17:33,174 And I think most people just don't realize 484 00:17:33,174 --> 00:17:35,759 that they have alternatives and other options that 485 00:17:35,759 --> 00:17:37,960 they can try to see if that feels 486 00:17:37,960 --> 00:17:38,460 better 487 00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:41,640 than the examples that are most prominent and 488 00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:43,480 most public. True. True. And this is just 489 00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:44,460 one of those examples. 490 00:17:44,839 --> 00:17:45,339 Mhmm. 491 00:17:46,119 --> 00:17:48,039 Mhmm. Thanks for listening to this week's q 492 00:17:48,039 --> 00:17:49,320 and a episode. If you want us to 493 00:17:49,320 --> 00:17:51,015 answer one of your your questions, just use 494 00:17:51,015 --> 00:17:53,815 the contact page on our website at lovingbdsm.net, 495 00:17:53,815 --> 00:17:55,015 or you can find the link in the 496 00:17:55,015 --> 00:17:56,855 show notes. Big thanks as always to our 497 00:17:56,855 --> 00:17:59,174 kinky community over on Patreon. We're able to 498 00:17:59,174 --> 00:18:00,934 do this podcast and keep it going and 499 00:18:00,934 --> 00:18:03,575 help kinksters due to your support. If you'd 500 00:18:03,575 --> 00:18:04,829 like to be part of our community and 501 00:18:04,829 --> 00:18:06,829 get access to extra content and a Discord 502 00:18:06,829 --> 00:18:08,509 server with a group of super cool, super 503 00:18:08,509 --> 00:18:10,429 nice kinksters, you can do that. Just join 504 00:18:10,429 --> 00:18:12,589 us at patreon.com/kaylalords. 505 00:18:12,589 --> 00:18:15,230 That's patreon.com/kaylalords, 506 00:18:15,230 --> 00:18:16,849 or use the link in the show notes.