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You're listening to the Loving BDSM podcast episode

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four thirty two. Kayla Lords here with the

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one, the only

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the guy who's wearing a shirt that says

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Carl in a way that I will not

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say, but if you, watched our YouTube livestreams

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back in, what, twenty twenty two, twenty twenty

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three? Mhmm. You know. Call.

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God. I kinda wanted you to do that,

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and I kinda didn't. I'm I'm still not

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sure where I land on that.

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That's not what we're talking about.

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I don't even

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what do you do after that? I don't

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I don't know.

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So this week, what we're actually talking about,

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is a little experiment we did over the

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previous weekend prior to recording within our dynamic

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to test out obedience and submission

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in public, like where things could be different

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and a little unpredictable instead of our house

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or it's the same all the time.

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So, yeah, we're gonna talk about what we

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did and how we felt about it and

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how it went. And, yeah,

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welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this

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is your first time listening, glad to have

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you. If you're back for another week, welcome

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back. Loving BDSM is produced every Monday and

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Friday for your kinky pleasure and education, and

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show notes are found at lovingbdsm.net.

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Come back often and feel free to add

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the podcast to your favorite podcast app.

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You can also follow the show on FetLife

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at loving BDSM PC

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on that handle I will forever fucking hate

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on Instagram and threads.

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Lovingds and the number one. So it's at

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lovingdsone.

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On blue sky,

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we're lovingBDSM.

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All the stuff that comes after. But if

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you just search lovingBDSM,

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you'll find us. Or on YouTube at youtube.com/lovingBDSM

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where you can watch us live stream the

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podcast every Wednesday. All links are in the

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show notes. Big thanks as always to our

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kinky patrons over on Patreon, including our newest

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peeps. We're grateful for every fucking one of

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you because you being there means we can

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keep doing this here.

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Right.

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If you'd like to join our kiki community

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and get access to extra content and a

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Discord server, that we've just, reorganized

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a little bit, added some things,

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made it, like, a little I think a

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little easier to navigate. Get a little digital

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housecleaning. Exactly. Housekeeping. And and the kinksters over

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there are still super cool, super nice, super

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chill. Like, it's just meant to be a

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a chill atmosphere. You can do that by

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joining us joining us on Patreon at patreon.com/kaylalords.

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That's patreon.com/kaylalords

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or use the link in the show notes.

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Okay. So,

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for podcast listeners, we're time traveling. I literally

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don't know what the title of this episode

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will be for y'all

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because I don't I haven't found the words

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to make this concise. But basically,

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what we're gonna talk about is a thing

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we did this past weekend

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where we

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tightened up some rules that we already have

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as part of our power exchange and then

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kind of played with some, like, in a

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light way. I mean, it wasn't, like, heavy

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handed.

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Played with some rules and then went out

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into the public world where things can be

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more unpredictable than staying in our house. And

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it was an experiment, and it was one

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of I don't know how many we'll do

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this year, but, like, these experiments to see

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what did we decide to do, what did

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we think about it, how did it make

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us feel, how did it work out

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as part of this process of, like,

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what are words?

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Of focusing on our power exchange and reconnecting

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because that's that's what we're doing this year.

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Mhmm. And going forward, but definitely this year.

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Well, it's funny when we first were

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started talking about doing this, I looked at

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her and said, oh, does that mean I

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can have slave Kayla?

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And I

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I immediately got tears in my eyes. It

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was an immediate gut reaction of I'm not

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ready for that. I'm not ready for that.

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So

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let's see if we can, like, lay this

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out for y'all. I did kind of make

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some notes to kind of keep us on

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track. But Kinda, sorta, maybe. If I'm already,

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like, losing my train of thought this early,

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I don't know. We're in big trouble. Right.

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So I started with the why, then we

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can get into the what. Okay. The why,

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from my perspective of what we did, was

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to, like, test

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old and not old power exchange patterns. We've

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some of these things that we did this

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past weekend, we used to do all the

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time. We used to do it in all

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the time, especially in the beginning,

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when we had a little bit more of

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a high protocol.

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Yeah. And when we were just like, when

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we got to be together, we were just

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in our power exchange y selves. Like, anytime

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we could be together, but

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Sometimes it was because we were purposely going

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and doing kink things. Like, when you're going

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to the munch or you're going to the

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dungeon, your head's kind of already there.

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And so it's easy to to

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be in that headspace and do some of

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these things. Yeah.

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Over time, not just because of the the

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craziness that we had for a few years,

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but just, like, I think

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because long term relationships can do this. Mhmm.

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Some of these things fell away. Some of

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these things became less important. We just didn't

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we just didn't focus on them. Right. So

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this was us focusing on things that we

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used to do more often and some rules

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that have always been in place. We just

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get a little lax about them. And then

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to figure out how we felt about it

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and what our experience was. So

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the what. Here's that's the that's the thing.

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Right? Now I didn't eat and potatoes. Right.

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So the what was

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we negotiated. We knew we had a busy

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weekend last weekend, lots of errands, lots of

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going out and doing stuff, both Saturday and

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Sunday.

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And we agreed that we would basically tighten

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up the power exchange Yeah. While we were

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out in public. Mhmm.

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I had rules that I always am supposed

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to follow, and then we just added a

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couple more. And y'all, this is not you

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know, when we tell y'all, hey. Start low,

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start slow, start small.

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This is what that is. This is an

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example of that. Because

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when we sat down to negotiate this,

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JB said, oh, so, like, I was, like,

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I wanna play with obedience and, like, rules

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being out with you and whatever. I was,

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like, I want to both do what you

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you say and be like your little duckling

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who doesn't have to, like, no brains, just,

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you know, vibes. Right?

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And he goes, oh, like, slave Kayla? And,

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y'all, I'm not joking. It was an immediate

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response of was a very visceral reaction from

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her. Right. My And not a good one.

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My eyes started watering.

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I gasped, and I went,

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not this weekend. No.

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So we can maybe work up to that.

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When I had that response Mhmm. It was

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also internally an immediate,

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I don't think I can do that. Not

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I don't want to do that. I don't

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think I can do that.

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Not never. Just Yeah. Not right now. So

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we we I got him to pull way

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the fuck back.

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And so the rules were Mhmm.

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The rules were, one, you had to ask

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permission

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to do anything. Mhmm. Walk away, go to

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the bathroom,

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you know, buy something. I always ask permission

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before you buy something anyway. But Yeah. Anything

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anything that could come up, I had to

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ask permission.

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I was the one with to make all

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the decisions. Mhmm.

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And

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no input, just me making decisions. Right. I

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sort of was we never talked about this

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directly, but I sort of assumed if you

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wanted input, you would ask me. Mhmm. And

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then I would just respond. Yeah.

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And, you know, then then it was just

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basically a lot of the other some of

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the the, things that we've already had

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in our power exchange as far as not

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touching doors, walking on a specific side. Mhmm.

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You know, things like that. Mhmm.

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Yeah. It was it really was very simple.

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Now in the negotiations, I it was definitely,

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like, working an old muscle. Mhmm. But because

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I was partly proud of myself, but also

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it felt awkward. It does not felt awkward

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to negotiate

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in a I like, I don't even remember

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the last time that happened, but we haven't

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actively negotiated anything Mhmm. In a very long

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time. So there was that moment of, oh,

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this this feels

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like putting on a shirt that's a little

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too tight. Like, this feels weird. Dusting off

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something that yeah. Yeah. But I was proud

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of myself because

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you know how I you love,

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to

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to slightly joke, but not really, that I'll

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find a loophole? Yes. Well, I just asked

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about those in negotiations. So I was like,

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wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. I've gotta ask

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permission for everything. Well, what if we're separated

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in the building and I gotta go to

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the bathroom?

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I said and I pointed out. I was

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like, I am at a point in life

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that by the time I know I gotta

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go to the bathroom, it it's time to

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go. We're at a pee pee dance level.

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And he goes, well, I guess you'll just

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need to text me then, won't

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you? I was like, okay. Okay. We're going

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that serious then. Okay.

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So,

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case in point though on the texting thing

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being imperfect,

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we did get separated in one of the

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places we went to purposely. Like, he gave

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me permission to go walk around.

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And he texted me asking where I was.

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And before I physically saw him, I was

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texting him back. And then I saw him,

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but I sent the text anyway.

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He did not hear the text come through.

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So that that would have sucked if I'd

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had to go to the bathroom and we

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we weren't standing next to one another. But

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but some things I did purposely to get

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through this. So,

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I

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since the ask questions, but don't just, like,

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you know, offer unsolicited

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advice and opinions as I am won't to

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do in every facet of life,

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what that what I did for I got

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nervous

264
00:09:42,035 --> 00:09:44,620
that I would forget myself, that it's been

265
00:09:44,620 --> 00:09:46,540
so long that I would just blurt out

266
00:09:46,540 --> 00:09:49,100
whatever. Right? Did you wonder or think that

267
00:09:49,100 --> 00:09:51,340
I might do that? I did. Mhmm. I

268
00:09:51,340 --> 00:09:53,019
did. Oh, and before we get into this,

269
00:09:53,019 --> 00:09:54,080
let me just say,

270
00:09:54,779 --> 00:09:57,100
for this experiment, there would not be, like,

271
00:09:57,100 --> 00:09:57,600
crazy,

272
00:09:58,184 --> 00:09:58,845
harsh consequences.

273
00:09:59,865 --> 00:10:02,345
No. This was about, can we do this

274
00:10:02,345 --> 00:10:04,264
and how does it make us feel? And

275
00:10:04,264 --> 00:10:06,184
how does it feel? How how you know,

276
00:10:06,184 --> 00:10:06,504
after

277
00:10:07,225 --> 00:10:09,625
afterwards, you know, did what we'd like? Did

278
00:10:09,625 --> 00:10:11,544
did we not like something? Blah blah blah.

279
00:10:11,544 --> 00:10:13,929
Right. Yeah. So if if and when we

280
00:10:13,929 --> 00:10:15,929
do some version of this again, we will

281
00:10:15,929 --> 00:10:18,029
modify that, and there probably will be consequences

282
00:10:18,089 --> 00:10:20,889
because now we've had the first experiment, and

283
00:10:20,889 --> 00:10:22,570
it I would say it went well from

284
00:10:22,570 --> 00:10:24,970
both perspectives. Okay. Absolutely. So here we are.

285
00:10:24,970 --> 00:10:27,975
We're out. We went to two massive antique

286
00:10:27,975 --> 00:10:29,894
stores. We went to thrift stores. We went

287
00:10:29,894 --> 00:10:31,975
here. We went there. We got we went

288
00:10:31,975 --> 00:10:34,634
to get frozen yogurt, which was delightful.

289
00:10:35,815 --> 00:10:38,075
Several things. And that was just Saturday. So

290
00:10:38,210 --> 00:10:40,610
I did get worried that I would forget

291
00:10:40,610 --> 00:10:42,629
myself and just blurt

292
00:10:43,009 --> 00:10:45,590
out whatever thought might be in my brain.

293
00:10:46,129 --> 00:10:46,629
So

294
00:10:47,009 --> 00:10:48,870
I did what you would say is impossible,

295
00:10:49,009 --> 00:10:51,250
but clearly, I managed it. I just stayed

296
00:10:51,250 --> 00:10:53,684
very quiet. You did. Unless I had something

297
00:10:53,684 --> 00:10:56,345
I, like, was not part of the conversation.

298
00:10:58,245 --> 00:11:00,404
I just didn't I let you lead the

299
00:11:00,404 --> 00:11:02,404
conversations. He's very quiet. There was not a

300
00:11:02,404 --> 00:11:04,424
lot of conversation going on.

301
00:11:07,350 --> 00:11:08,570
I kinda just

302
00:11:09,110 --> 00:11:11,110
I didn't feel meek and mild. I just

303
00:11:11,110 --> 00:11:13,269
was like, I'll I'll just exist. Now I

304
00:11:13,269 --> 00:11:14,490
I will have to say,

305
00:11:15,110 --> 00:11:15,769
I was

306
00:11:16,309 --> 00:11:17,209
very impressed

307
00:11:18,389 --> 00:11:19,209
both days.

308
00:11:22,575 --> 00:11:24,195
Where I thought you would,

309
00:11:25,855 --> 00:11:26,595
break away

310
00:11:26,975 --> 00:11:28,815
from this was when we were in the

311
00:11:28,815 --> 00:11:29,315
car,

312
00:11:29,855 --> 00:11:32,335
and you didn't. Mm-mm. No. And it was

313
00:11:32,335 --> 00:11:33,615
not as hard as I thought it would

314
00:11:33,615 --> 00:11:36,090
be. I was very nervous that I would

315
00:11:36,970 --> 00:11:38,990
just because I so when I

316
00:11:39,370 --> 00:11:41,309
especially now, y'all, if you've

317
00:11:41,930 --> 00:11:44,269
gone through the perimenopause episode, you know,

318
00:11:45,129 --> 00:11:48,090
my memory can be for shit. And also

319
00:11:48,090 --> 00:11:49,870
I'm a person that when I get enthusiastic

320
00:11:50,090 --> 00:11:51,915
about something, I get excited about something, I

321
00:11:51,915 --> 00:11:52,894
can I can forget

322
00:11:53,514 --> 00:11:55,695
some elements of discipline? Right?

323
00:11:56,715 --> 00:11:59,835
And my big fear in negotiating this before

324
00:11:59,835 --> 00:12:01,595
we got started was I would have to

325
00:12:01,595 --> 00:12:03,054
walk around with the running

326
00:12:03,870 --> 00:12:04,370
mental,

327
00:12:07,309 --> 00:12:08,509
I can't think of the word I want,

328
00:12:08,509 --> 00:12:10,450
but basically the words in my head going,

329
00:12:10,670 --> 00:12:12,670
watch yourself, watch yourself, watch yourself. And I

330
00:12:12,670 --> 00:12:14,129
was like, oh, god. Commentary?

331
00:12:14,750 --> 00:12:16,590
Yeah. And it was yeah. I mean, there's

332
00:12:16,590 --> 00:12:17,629
a word. I can't think of it. It

333
00:12:17,629 --> 00:12:19,664
doesn't matter. But, basically, like, I would I

334
00:12:19,664 --> 00:12:23,024
would just walk around reminding myself internally, reminding

335
00:12:23,024 --> 00:12:25,924
myself the whole time not to fuck up.

336
00:12:26,304 --> 00:12:27,284
And then I went,

337
00:12:27,664 --> 00:12:30,225
well, I could do that, or I could

338
00:12:30,225 --> 00:12:30,725
just

339
00:12:31,745 --> 00:12:33,870
not have much to say. Mhmm. And it

340
00:12:33,870 --> 00:12:36,429
was not a censorship thing. I wasn't having

341
00:12:36,429 --> 00:12:36,929
to

342
00:12:37,230 --> 00:12:39,570
bite back words. I wasn't having

343
00:12:39,950 --> 00:12:40,450
to,

344
00:12:41,790 --> 00:12:44,370
change myself or change my natural exuberance.

345
00:12:44,910 --> 00:12:48,024
I was just like, I'm I'm just gonna

346
00:12:48,024 --> 00:12:50,264
sit and exist. And when he wants to

347
00:12:50,264 --> 00:12:51,544
talk or he brings something up or he

348
00:12:51,544 --> 00:12:53,565
asks me a question, of course. Or

349
00:12:53,945 --> 00:12:55,485
the other thing I thought was

350
00:12:55,865 --> 00:12:57,884
instead of stating things

351
00:12:58,345 --> 00:12:58,845
Mhmm.

352
00:12:59,384 --> 00:13:00,779
If I there's something I wanna talk about,

353
00:13:00,779 --> 00:13:02,159
I'll just ask a question

354
00:13:03,019 --> 00:13:04,799
because asking a question,

355
00:13:05,659 --> 00:13:06,480
you know, implies

356
00:13:07,980 --> 00:13:09,580
I'm getting permission for us to start this

357
00:13:09,580 --> 00:13:11,100
conversation. Because at any point you could have

358
00:13:11,100 --> 00:13:12,539
shut it down shut down a conversation and

359
00:13:12,539 --> 00:13:13,899
be like, I don't wanna talk about this

360
00:13:13,899 --> 00:13:15,179
right now. That would have I would have

361
00:13:15,179 --> 00:13:17,134
done it. I would've respected it. I always

362
00:13:17,134 --> 00:13:19,134
would, but that might've hurt my feelings. I'm

363
00:13:19,134 --> 00:13:19,875
just saying.

364
00:13:21,054 --> 00:13:23,214
And that was not in an effort to

365
00:13:23,214 --> 00:13:23,955
make myself

366
00:13:24,975 --> 00:13:28,174
lesser or smaller in a way that is

367
00:13:28,174 --> 00:13:28,834
not healthy.

368
00:13:29,279 --> 00:13:30,679
It was not I didn't treat it like

369
00:13:30,679 --> 00:13:32,820
it was potential punishment. I just went

370
00:13:34,079 --> 00:13:36,879
instead of stressing myself out that I'm gonna

371
00:13:36,879 --> 00:13:38,259
forget to do something

372
00:13:38,879 --> 00:13:41,360
or have to stop myself, why don't I

373
00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:42,419
just like chill

374
00:13:43,325 --> 00:13:45,585
and see what happens with that? But

375
00:13:45,964 --> 00:13:46,865
me being

376
00:13:48,284 --> 00:13:50,544
quiet is unusual. Mhmm.

377
00:13:50,924 --> 00:13:53,644
It is unusual. It is. Okay. I'm I'm

378
00:13:53,644 --> 00:13:56,445
setting myself up for this, so just know

379
00:13:56,445 --> 00:13:57,179
that I know.

380
00:13:58,220 --> 00:14:01,339
How did you feel about what did you

381
00:14:01,339 --> 00:14:01,839
think

382
00:14:02,379 --> 00:14:03,179
about that,

383
00:14:04,379 --> 00:14:05,519
level of quiet?

384
00:14:08,700 --> 00:14:09,679
It was different.

385
00:14:10,139 --> 00:14:11,759
Mhmm. It was very different

386
00:14:12,434 --> 00:14:12,934
because,

387
00:14:13,315 --> 00:14:15,315
you know, normally and you and you've talked

388
00:14:15,315 --> 00:14:16,914
about this in the past, you know, you

389
00:14:16,914 --> 00:14:17,575
have become

390
00:14:17,955 --> 00:14:20,914
so comfortable Mhmm. With me and safe with

391
00:14:20,914 --> 00:14:22,355
me that you just say

392
00:14:22,914 --> 00:14:24,754
All the things. All the things, you know.

393
00:14:24,754 --> 00:14:26,340
Who needs to think things when you can

394
00:14:26,340 --> 00:14:27,559
say them out loud? Yeah.

395
00:14:28,180 --> 00:14:30,040
You know, at at at any point.

396
00:14:30,660 --> 00:14:31,160
Mhmm.

397
00:14:32,100 --> 00:14:32,600
And,

398
00:14:34,180 --> 00:14:36,259
you know, there was a part of me

399
00:14:36,259 --> 00:14:37,399
that was kinda like,

400
00:14:37,940 --> 00:14:39,399
waiting for the shoe to drop.

401
00:14:39,860 --> 00:14:41,540
I thought so. I didn't think so. Okay.

402
00:14:41,540 --> 00:14:43,174
You know, I I was waiting for that

403
00:14:43,174 --> 00:14:44,315
that shoe to drop,

404
00:14:44,695 --> 00:14:45,195
and,

405
00:14:47,014 --> 00:14:47,674
it didn't.

406
00:14:48,774 --> 00:14:50,774
It didn't. I was I was locked in.

407
00:14:50,774 --> 00:14:52,554
I was focused on what we were doing.

408
00:14:52,934 --> 00:14:53,434
It

409
00:14:54,134 --> 00:14:54,634
never

410
00:14:55,799 --> 00:14:57,639
felt bad in any way where I didn't

411
00:14:57,639 --> 00:14:59,660
wanna be doing it. It felt unusual.

412
00:15:00,039 --> 00:15:02,700
Yes. I would felt out of practice. Mhmm.

413
00:15:04,039 --> 00:15:06,840
And I actually have it's been so long

414
00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:09,019
since we've done certain forms of, like, subtle

415
00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:10,700
power exchange in public

416
00:15:11,174 --> 00:15:13,254
that there was a time I stopped feeling

417
00:15:13,254 --> 00:15:14,455
awkward if I had to ask you a

418
00:15:14,455 --> 00:15:16,634
question so I didn't hear. And this time,

419
00:15:16,774 --> 00:15:19,495
like, we go into the there's two antique

420
00:15:19,495 --> 00:15:21,335
stores that are across the highway from one

421
00:15:21,335 --> 00:15:24,774
another. They have their own individual vibes. From

422
00:15:24,774 --> 00:15:27,090
what we can tell, the one, the first

423
00:15:27,090 --> 00:15:29,490
one we went into is run by, pardon

424
00:15:29,490 --> 00:15:32,210
the stereotypes, but sometimes they're true, run by

425
00:15:32,210 --> 00:15:34,070
men. And it looks like

426
00:15:34,450 --> 00:15:37,330
a place that is run by a certain

427
00:15:37,330 --> 00:15:39,595
kind of man who can put things in

428
00:15:39,595 --> 00:15:41,434
piles and he knows where everything is, but

429
00:15:41,434 --> 00:15:43,754
nobody else does. That's that antique shop. And

430
00:15:43,754 --> 00:15:45,115
then the antique shop on the other side

431
00:15:45,115 --> 00:15:47,514
is based on observation seems to be run

432
00:15:47,514 --> 00:15:49,835
by women, and it's very color coordinated and

433
00:15:49,835 --> 00:15:50,894
it's very delightful.

434
00:15:51,274 --> 00:15:53,519
Anyway, so we're in that first one that's

435
00:15:53,920 --> 00:15:56,500
it's antique y, but it's also kinda junkyard

436
00:15:56,720 --> 00:15:57,300
y ish,

437
00:15:57,679 --> 00:15:59,440
which is fine. I mean, we find interesting

438
00:15:59,440 --> 00:16:01,059
things. We enjoy being there.

439
00:16:01,519 --> 00:16:02,019
But

440
00:16:02,639 --> 00:16:04,179
we barely walked in.

441
00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:07,679
You found their first of many sections of,

442
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:10,894
just boxes of albums to Yes. To rifle

443
00:16:10,894 --> 00:16:12,595
through. Mhmm. And,

444
00:16:13,294 --> 00:16:13,794
thankfully,

445
00:16:14,894 --> 00:16:16,254
you didn't make me ask. I had to

446
00:16:16,254 --> 00:16:18,595
ask later, but you were like, go ahead.

447
00:16:18,975 --> 00:16:21,934
Yeah. Like, you but I actually expected at

448
00:16:21,934 --> 00:16:23,500
some point for you to make me stand

449
00:16:23,500 --> 00:16:24,620
there while you did a thing that would

450
00:16:24,620 --> 00:16:26,620
bore the shit out of me because that

451
00:16:26,620 --> 00:16:28,460
would be a a you know, we'd be

452
00:16:28,460 --> 00:16:31,100
playing with obedience. I'm kinda grateful you did.

453
00:16:31,100 --> 00:16:32,940
Yeah. I kinda did a little bit towards

454
00:16:32,940 --> 00:16:33,419
the end, but

455
00:16:34,139 --> 00:16:36,024
Yeah. But then I started feeling bad, so

456
00:16:36,024 --> 00:16:37,384
then I think you started feeling bad for

457
00:16:37,384 --> 00:16:38,985
me. Like, I got this real bad headache,

458
00:16:38,985 --> 00:16:40,985
and I was I think it was the

459
00:16:40,985 --> 00:16:43,884
dust and the the smells from just

460
00:16:44,185 --> 00:16:45,465
I you know, if you go into a

461
00:16:45,465 --> 00:16:47,945
place I find this true in thrift stores

462
00:16:47,945 --> 00:16:49,625
and at the flea market. If you go

463
00:16:49,625 --> 00:16:51,320
into places where there's just a

464
00:16:51,700 --> 00:16:54,019
lot of old things, used things that are

465
00:16:54,019 --> 00:16:56,440
carrying their own scents, pleasant or unpleasant,

466
00:16:57,460 --> 00:16:59,779
I tend to get a headache from from

467
00:16:59,779 --> 00:17:01,779
that. There's something about the sensory input that's

468
00:17:01,779 --> 00:17:04,119
a bit overwhelming. So by the end,

469
00:17:05,305 --> 00:17:08,365
I did want to go, but I knew

470
00:17:08,985 --> 00:17:11,144
better than to say that. I was like,

471
00:17:11,144 --> 00:17:12,605
I'll just stand here patiently,

472
00:17:13,384 --> 00:17:14,985
and he will tell me when we're done.

473
00:17:14,985 --> 00:17:16,125
But the first time,

474
00:17:16,829 --> 00:17:18,589
you were like, okay. Go ahead. There was

475
00:17:18,589 --> 00:17:20,429
a lady in the the section where you

476
00:17:20,429 --> 00:17:20,929
were

477
00:17:21,309 --> 00:17:22,909
looking you were gonna look at albums, and

478
00:17:22,909 --> 00:17:24,190
I was like, I hope she's, like, in

479
00:17:24,190 --> 00:17:26,349
her own world because you really were like,

480
00:17:26,349 --> 00:17:27,250
you may go.

481
00:17:28,909 --> 00:17:30,669
And I was happy for that because I

482
00:17:30,669 --> 00:17:32,565
knew I would be super bored if if

483
00:17:32,565 --> 00:17:34,404
I didn't, and my feet would start to

484
00:17:34,404 --> 00:17:35,924
hurt. And then I'd probably get whiny, and

485
00:17:35,924 --> 00:17:37,204
this would have been a different kind of

486
00:17:37,204 --> 00:17:37,704
experiment.

487
00:17:38,244 --> 00:17:39,845
But I also had the, oh my god.

488
00:17:39,845 --> 00:17:42,005
Did did that person notice? Were they paying

489
00:17:42,005 --> 00:17:43,845
any? I hope they weren't. That was that

490
00:17:43,845 --> 00:17:46,289
first moment of, oh, I've forgotten how Oh,

491
00:17:46,289 --> 00:17:47,829
this is real. Right. And

492
00:17:48,130 --> 00:17:50,529
and also, I've forgotten what it feels like

493
00:17:50,529 --> 00:17:52,789
to be this way in public where others

494
00:17:52,849 --> 00:17:55,169
might hear. Like, in the very, very beginning

495
00:17:55,169 --> 00:17:57,250
of our relationship when we did that, I

496
00:17:57,250 --> 00:17:58,865
was always a little embarrassed. I was always

497
00:17:58,865 --> 00:18:00,865
worried with somebody here. And then there came

498
00:18:00,944 --> 00:18:02,804
over time, I was like, what? They

499
00:18:03,105 --> 00:18:05,744
we're keeping it low key enough. They might

500
00:18:05,744 --> 00:18:07,744
think it's weird, but they won't think anything

501
00:18:07,744 --> 00:18:09,684
of it Mhmm. If they're even paying attention.

502
00:18:10,369 --> 00:18:11,509
And this time I was

503
00:18:12,130 --> 00:18:12,710
like, did

504
00:18:13,170 --> 00:18:14,950
that that lady hear? It

505
00:18:15,410 --> 00:18:17,090
didn't matter. I wandered off. You did your

506
00:18:17,090 --> 00:18:17,590
thing.

507
00:18:18,289 --> 00:18:19,590
Then he texts me,

508
00:18:19,970 --> 00:18:20,869
where you at?

509
00:18:21,330 --> 00:18:22,845
And I'm trying to text him back,

510
00:18:23,244 --> 00:18:25,085
but I see him. I sent the text

511
00:18:25,085 --> 00:18:26,845
and I watch because I'm like, oh, he

512
00:18:26,845 --> 00:18:28,365
said to text him. And I knew I

513
00:18:28,365 --> 00:18:30,204
knew he sometimes doesn't hear texts. So I

514
00:18:30,204 --> 00:18:32,444
was like, let's just and then my inner

515
00:18:32,444 --> 00:18:34,044
good girl went, no. No. No. No. No.

516
00:18:34,044 --> 00:18:35,505
If you see him

517
00:18:36,299 --> 00:18:39,259
and you are not making sure he knows

518
00:18:39,259 --> 00:18:41,360
where you are in response to his question,

519
00:18:41,420 --> 00:18:42,960
you are gonna get in trouble.

520
00:18:43,340 --> 00:18:45,500
So I sent the text. I waited a

521
00:18:45,500 --> 00:18:46,720
beat, felt guilty,

522
00:18:47,500 --> 00:18:49,615
started walking towards you.

523
00:18:50,794 --> 00:18:53,054
Because I I could see where that was

524
00:18:53,595 --> 00:18:56,234
riding the line between, like, you were not

525
00:18:56,234 --> 00:18:57,835
asking where I was just for the hell

526
00:18:57,835 --> 00:18:59,994
of it. You wanted to either find me

527
00:18:59,994 --> 00:19:00,299
or for

528
00:19:01,259 --> 00:19:03,059
for me to find you. Correct. If I

529
00:19:03,059 --> 00:19:04,960
had already found you and had done nothing

530
00:19:05,019 --> 00:19:07,420
about it, I I I think I think

531
00:19:07,420 --> 00:19:09,100
there would have been a reaction I did

532
00:19:09,100 --> 00:19:11,100
not enjoy is all I'm saying. Mhmm. Even

533
00:19:11,100 --> 00:19:12,400
with no consequences

534
00:19:12,700 --> 00:19:13,440
in play,

535
00:19:14,315 --> 00:19:16,875
JB's almost never needed to do consequences. He

536
00:19:16,875 --> 00:19:18,815
can just give the look, use a tone,

537
00:19:19,195 --> 00:19:21,134
say a thing, and I'm like,

538
00:19:22,315 --> 00:19:24,555
I don't like this feeling. So I wanted

539
00:19:24,555 --> 00:19:25,695
to avoid that.

540
00:19:26,170 --> 00:19:28,170
I wanted to avoid that. That was very

541
00:19:28,170 --> 00:19:29,630
easy to slip into the

542
00:19:29,930 --> 00:19:32,029
I can see how I could, like,

543
00:19:32,650 --> 00:19:34,410
do this my way, or I can see

544
00:19:34,410 --> 00:19:36,109
how I can do this and be

545
00:19:36,490 --> 00:19:36,990
submissive

546
00:19:37,369 --> 00:19:39,470
and a good girl. And and I

547
00:19:39,875 --> 00:19:41,234
I was like, well, that this is not

548
00:19:41,234 --> 00:19:43,075
that difficult. Let's go down that track. That's

549
00:19:43,075 --> 00:19:46,115
where I wanna be. And that was kinda

550
00:19:46,115 --> 00:19:47,095
cool because it's

551
00:19:47,555 --> 00:19:50,035
it's very rare these days where I see

552
00:19:50,035 --> 00:19:51,255
that clear delineation

553
00:19:52,195 --> 00:19:54,259
because we're just kinda of stuck in our

554
00:19:54,259 --> 00:19:55,859
habits, and we do the same thing. It's

555
00:19:55,859 --> 00:19:57,380
why we had to take this outside of

556
00:19:57,380 --> 00:19:59,460
our house. Right. Because And and you know,

557
00:19:59,460 --> 00:20:01,159
the best way for me to describe

558
00:20:01,940 --> 00:20:04,039
this all Mhmm. What is,

559
00:20:05,059 --> 00:20:06,740
you know how every day you commute to

560
00:20:06,740 --> 00:20:09,025
work, and you take the same route to

561
00:20:09,025 --> 00:20:11,505
work every day, same route home every day,

562
00:20:11,505 --> 00:20:13,265
day after day after day, day in day

563
00:20:13,265 --> 00:20:13,765
out.

564
00:20:14,704 --> 00:20:15,365
And then

565
00:20:15,825 --> 00:20:17,825
one day you decide to take a new

566
00:20:17,825 --> 00:20:18,325
route,

567
00:20:18,944 --> 00:20:20,305
you know. And then the old route, you

568
00:20:20,305 --> 00:20:22,859
can pretty much just, you know, start your

569
00:20:22,859 --> 00:20:24,779
car and go on autopilot. You know? You

570
00:20:24,779 --> 00:20:25,519
know? And

571
00:20:27,420 --> 00:20:29,279
now you gotta learn a new way.

572
00:20:29,740 --> 00:20:31,440
Mhmm. You know? And

573
00:20:32,299 --> 00:20:34,220
I I think for me what it was,

574
00:20:34,220 --> 00:20:36,845
you know, I've talked about being more mindful

575
00:20:37,225 --> 00:20:37,805
of our,

576
00:20:39,065 --> 00:20:39,884
power exchange

577
00:20:40,904 --> 00:20:43,725
and and this really kind of pushed that

578
00:20:44,025 --> 00:20:44,424
Mhmm.

579
00:20:44,825 --> 00:20:45,965
That for me.

580
00:20:47,144 --> 00:20:49,160
You know, I I had to be mindful.

581
00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:50,279
I had to be aware of what, you

582
00:20:50,279 --> 00:20:52,519
know Mhmm. What we were doing and everything.

583
00:20:52,519 --> 00:20:54,380
So that that was a little different.

584
00:20:54,680 --> 00:20:56,619
Was it different good, different,

585
00:20:57,160 --> 00:20:57,660
neutral?

586
00:20:58,839 --> 00:20:59,339
Neutral.

587
00:21:00,205 --> 00:21:01,644
You noticed I didn't say bad, because I've

588
00:21:01,725 --> 00:21:03,085
Yeah. If you didn't like it, I think

589
00:21:03,085 --> 00:21:04,845
I would've I'm assuming I would've heard sooner

590
00:21:04,845 --> 00:21:06,384
than today. Yeah.

591
00:21:07,725 --> 00:21:09,744
No. You know, it was it was neutral.

592
00:21:09,884 --> 00:21:10,384
I

593
00:21:11,164 --> 00:21:12,029
I definitely didn't

594
00:21:12,910 --> 00:21:15,090
not like it. Mhmm. You know?

595
00:21:17,549 --> 00:21:18,289
I did

596
00:21:18,750 --> 00:21:20,190
enjoy it. I was that was gonna be

597
00:21:20,190 --> 00:21:22,349
my next question, is if you enjoyed that

598
00:21:22,349 --> 00:21:25,250
that level of mindfulness of Mhmm. Because I

599
00:21:25,384 --> 00:21:27,085
felt like I needed to be

600
00:21:27,865 --> 00:21:30,985
aware of my own behaviors. I'm kind of

601
00:21:30,985 --> 00:21:32,445
always aware of you.

602
00:21:33,545 --> 00:21:35,965
I just needed to be more self aware.

603
00:21:36,025 --> 00:21:38,025
Yeah. So what I'm curious about is on

604
00:21:38,025 --> 00:21:40,180
your end, was it a did you need

605
00:21:40,180 --> 00:21:41,860
to be more were you more self aware,

606
00:21:41,860 --> 00:21:44,019
or were you more aware of me or

607
00:21:44,019 --> 00:21:47,320
both or something else? Okay. Definitely both. Okay.

608
00:21:47,700 --> 00:21:48,900
See, I think, yeah, I kind of have

609
00:21:48,900 --> 00:21:50,039
the advantage. I'm

610
00:21:50,740 --> 00:21:51,240
mostly

611
00:21:51,860 --> 00:21:54,164
so attuned to you, which is can be

612
00:21:54,164 --> 00:21:56,085
very annoying to him because I'll notice he's

613
00:21:56,085 --> 00:21:58,025
cranky before he knows he's cranky.

614
00:21:58,724 --> 00:21:59,544
Oh, man.

615
00:22:04,005 --> 00:22:06,105
So, yeah, like, that it was not

616
00:22:06,779 --> 00:22:07,279
being

617
00:22:08,779 --> 00:22:10,779
being aware of where you were, of your

618
00:22:10,779 --> 00:22:12,700
mood, of what you might want, that was

619
00:22:12,700 --> 00:22:15,019
in no way new or hard at all.

620
00:22:15,019 --> 00:22:17,599
It was more of a the self discipline

621
00:22:18,619 --> 00:22:20,859
to what I was supposed to do. I

622
00:22:20,859 --> 00:22:23,095
get it. But I think that, you know,

623
00:22:23,095 --> 00:22:24,775
doing it in this small dose and in

624
00:22:24,775 --> 00:22:25,674
this very,

625
00:22:26,535 --> 00:22:29,255
specific parameters, the rule was basically from the

626
00:22:29,255 --> 00:22:31,115
time we get in the car

627
00:22:31,494 --> 00:22:33,575
at home to leave, from the time we

628
00:22:33,575 --> 00:22:35,570
get out of the car at home when

629
00:22:35,570 --> 00:22:37,910
we're done Correct. That was the time

630
00:22:38,369 --> 00:22:39,029
for this.

631
00:22:40,049 --> 00:22:41,990
And that first day, it was several hours,

632
00:22:43,490 --> 00:22:45,490
and through a headache. So look at me.

633
00:22:45,490 --> 00:22:47,410
I could still do it even with was

634
00:22:47,410 --> 00:22:48,825
it a migraine? It was I don't know

635
00:22:48,825 --> 00:22:52,184
what it was. It sucked. There did come

636
00:22:52,184 --> 00:22:52,845
a point

637
00:22:54,184 --> 00:22:54,684
when

638
00:22:55,544 --> 00:22:57,065
was it? I can't remember what shop we

639
00:22:57,065 --> 00:22:58,825
were in. Might have been the second antique

640
00:22:58,825 --> 00:23:00,444
store. It might have been one of the

641
00:23:01,450 --> 00:23:03,369
the thrift stores we went in, but I

642
00:23:03,369 --> 00:23:04,509
had to ask permission.

643
00:23:04,809 --> 00:23:06,250
It was in one of the antique stores

644
00:23:06,250 --> 00:23:08,090
because we had stopped some place where you

645
00:23:08,090 --> 00:23:09,850
could, like, look at these things, and I

646
00:23:09,850 --> 00:23:11,609
was like, I don't wanna be here. So

647
00:23:11,609 --> 00:23:12,970
I asked. I said, can I keep on

648
00:23:12,970 --> 00:23:14,964
walking? Can I wander? And he was like,

649
00:23:15,105 --> 00:23:16,785
yes. You may. I was like, okay. That's

650
00:23:16,785 --> 00:23:17,525
kinda sexy.

651
00:23:18,545 --> 00:23:20,144
But she could have been like, yeah. Sure.

652
00:23:20,144 --> 00:23:21,525
But there's something about

653
00:23:22,305 --> 00:23:24,325
getting the response from you as

654
00:23:24,785 --> 00:23:27,089
when you're in dom mode versus when we're

655
00:23:27,089 --> 00:23:29,377
just like Yes. Whatever. Yeah. And it it

656
00:23:29,377 --> 00:23:31,410
was strange because I hadn't heard you talk

657
00:23:31,410 --> 00:23:33,569
to me like that. And it wasn't y'all,

658
00:23:33,569 --> 00:23:35,410
it was not special words. It was not

659
00:23:35,410 --> 00:23:36,690
a special tone. It was I think it

660
00:23:36,690 --> 00:23:37,509
was the intentionality

661
00:23:38,049 --> 00:23:39,809
Mhmm. Of I had asked for permission, you

662
00:23:39,809 --> 00:23:41,190
were granting it,

663
00:23:42,795 --> 00:23:45,035
that it had just a different flavor to

664
00:23:45,035 --> 00:23:45,535
it.

665
00:23:46,075 --> 00:23:47,355
And that was kinda cool. And I was

666
00:23:47,355 --> 00:23:49,035
like and I had it's been a long

667
00:23:49,035 --> 00:23:50,634
time since I've had this, but I walked

668
00:23:50,634 --> 00:23:51,994
away and I was like, he let me

669
00:23:51,994 --> 00:23:53,434
go and do this thing I wanted to

670
00:23:53,434 --> 00:23:53,934
do.

671
00:23:56,475 --> 00:23:57,779
I felt very special.

672
00:23:59,700 --> 00:24:01,640
Like, my daddy said yes.

673
00:24:02,820 --> 00:24:03,960
And I don't know

674
00:24:04,340 --> 00:24:06,580
if any other sub out there can relate

675
00:24:06,580 --> 00:24:08,900
to that feeling of asking for the thing

676
00:24:08,900 --> 00:24:11,774
you want and getting it and knowing you

677
00:24:11,774 --> 00:24:14,174
got it from the dom, not just the

678
00:24:14,174 --> 00:24:15,234
partner. Like it's

679
00:24:15,615 --> 00:24:17,214
I just there's a different flavor to it,

680
00:24:17,214 --> 00:24:18,115
is all I'm saying.

681
00:24:19,855 --> 00:24:20,355
So

682
00:24:22,255 --> 00:24:24,274
Yeah. That was that was fun.

683
00:24:24,654 --> 00:24:27,200
I ended up going to the bathroom in

684
00:24:27,200 --> 00:24:29,359
one of the places we went to. I

685
00:24:29,359 --> 00:24:30,960
I had to have asked permission, but I

686
00:24:30,960 --> 00:24:33,039
have completely forgotten. I just remember I I

687
00:24:33,039 --> 00:24:34,080
had to go to the bathroom. It was

688
00:24:34,080 --> 00:24:35,759
time. It was time. I don't even remember

689
00:24:35,759 --> 00:24:37,200
where we were. I don't even remember how

690
00:24:37,200 --> 00:24:39,400
that went. I don't remember that moment either.

691
00:24:39,400 --> 00:24:41,115
I don't I just remember that the the

692
00:24:41,115 --> 00:24:42,575
urge came, and I was like,

693
00:24:43,115 --> 00:24:44,474
I'm so glad I'm not trying to text

694
00:24:44,474 --> 00:24:45,994
through this because I gotta go to the

695
00:24:45,994 --> 00:24:48,494
bathroom. That was the other thing that

696
00:24:49,515 --> 00:24:51,194
I would do it anyway because I kinda

697
00:24:51,194 --> 00:24:53,055
just like being near you.

698
00:24:53,515 --> 00:24:55,454
You know, how that whole partnership thing goes.

699
00:24:55,595 --> 00:24:56,815
That whole love thing.

700
00:24:57,809 --> 00:24:59,809
But once especially once I realized you might

701
00:24:59,809 --> 00:25:01,429
not hear a text, I was, like,

702
00:25:01,890 --> 00:25:02,630
short of

703
00:25:03,009 --> 00:25:05,009
asking to walk away or being permission to

704
00:25:05,009 --> 00:25:07,910
go wander, I'll just stay close by.

705
00:25:08,289 --> 00:25:09,109
And that was

706
00:25:09,410 --> 00:25:10,849
I hate to say that. Felt new and

707
00:25:10,849 --> 00:25:14,065
exciting too because we have absolutely gotten into

708
00:25:14,065 --> 00:25:15,265
a point now that we do go to,

709
00:25:15,265 --> 00:25:17,984
like, antique stores or thrift stores, places where

710
00:25:17,984 --> 00:25:20,144
we can wander. And I don't like, at

711
00:25:20,144 --> 00:25:22,065
the flea market, there's no wandering because I

712
00:25:22,065 --> 00:25:24,724
am overstimulated from the moment we walk in.

713
00:25:24,865 --> 00:25:27,044
He has to keep hold of me so

714
00:25:27,105 --> 00:25:29,089
I won't just, like, freeze somewhere,

715
00:25:29,789 --> 00:25:31,470
or burst into tears because my head hurts

716
00:25:31,470 --> 00:25:32,130
so bad.

717
00:25:33,549 --> 00:25:35,490
But, like, in these other places where there's,

718
00:25:35,630 --> 00:25:37,809
you know, there's space to wander,

719
00:25:38,589 --> 00:25:40,990
we have just gotten into this habit of

720
00:25:40,990 --> 00:25:43,309
we'll for a couple minutes, we'll be together,

721
00:25:43,309 --> 00:25:45,255
and then we just break off and go

722
00:25:45,255 --> 00:25:47,335
do our own thing. Whereas this time, it

723
00:25:47,335 --> 00:25:49,975
was only with permission. It was intent even

724
00:25:49,975 --> 00:25:52,134
when we were apart, it was intentional. We

725
00:25:52,134 --> 00:25:54,235
had briefly, like, seconds

726
00:25:54,615 --> 00:25:56,535
talked about it, understood where the other was.

727
00:25:56,535 --> 00:25:58,829
It wasn't just a wandering off from each

728
00:25:58,829 --> 00:26:01,549
other, a mindless wandering off. And then, yeah,

729
00:26:01,549 --> 00:26:03,069
once I realized, oh, that text thing might

730
00:26:03,069 --> 00:26:04,269
not work, so I was like, you know

731
00:26:04,269 --> 00:26:05,869
what? You know what? Here here's how I

732
00:26:05,869 --> 00:26:06,609
keep myself

733
00:26:07,309 --> 00:26:09,309
in line. Oh, just stay right the fuck

734
00:26:09,309 --> 00:26:11,490
here. That's that seems best.

735
00:26:14,164 --> 00:26:15,785
And it's a little bit like,

736
00:26:16,884 --> 00:26:19,125
staying quiet so I couldn't let my mouth

737
00:26:19,125 --> 00:26:20,265
run away with me.

738
00:26:20,884 --> 00:26:22,184
It just it was

739
00:26:22,644 --> 00:26:24,565
on balance, it was kind of a an

740
00:26:24,565 --> 00:26:25,065
easier

741
00:26:25,525 --> 00:26:27,445
way to go because I really did worry

742
00:26:27,445 --> 00:26:29,809
that I was so out of practice that

743
00:26:30,109 --> 00:26:31,490
I would fuck it up unintentionally.

744
00:26:31,789 --> 00:26:33,890
And there wouldn't have been

745
00:26:34,349 --> 00:26:35,490
some big backlash,

746
00:26:36,109 --> 00:26:37,809
but I don't like disappointed

747
00:26:38,190 --> 00:26:41,009
JB any more than I like angry JB.

748
00:26:41,150 --> 00:26:43,674
So I just I wanted it to go

749
00:26:43,674 --> 00:26:44,734
well. So

750
00:26:45,274 --> 00:26:48,554
I was being intentional and and very focused

751
00:26:48,554 --> 00:26:49,054
on

752
00:26:50,154 --> 00:26:51,674
being the best baby girl I could be

753
00:26:51,674 --> 00:26:53,514
and putting making sure I didn't put myself

754
00:26:53,514 --> 00:26:55,294
in situations where I could accidentally

755
00:26:56,154 --> 00:26:57,994
break one of the rules or do something

756
00:26:57,994 --> 00:26:59,960
air quote wrong. It was just easier if

757
00:26:59,960 --> 00:27:00,460
I

758
00:27:01,079 --> 00:27:03,319
stayed within and and this was a me

759
00:27:03,319 --> 00:27:05,480
thing. This was not him demanding this and,

760
00:27:05,480 --> 00:27:08,119
you know, making wanting me to shrink myself

761
00:27:08,119 --> 00:27:09,500
in some way. It was more like,

762
00:27:09,960 --> 00:27:12,299
this allows me to do this thing

763
00:27:12,724 --> 00:27:14,105
and not get in trouble.

764
00:27:16,404 --> 00:27:17,144
And also,

765
00:27:17,445 --> 00:27:20,085
I was well aware that that was different

766
00:27:20,085 --> 00:27:22,644
from our normal behavior. And if we're gonna

767
00:27:22,644 --> 00:27:26,025
experiment, let's experiment with different behavior too. Right?

768
00:27:26,805 --> 00:27:27,305
So

769
00:27:29,660 --> 00:27:31,180
the other thing JB did, and this is

770
00:27:31,180 --> 00:27:32,880
not something we talked about,

771
00:27:33,900 --> 00:27:36,240
specifically. It was just a thing he did.

772
00:27:37,259 --> 00:27:38,460
I think he picked it up from me

773
00:27:38,460 --> 00:27:39,660
going, I just wanna be your duckling. I

774
00:27:39,660 --> 00:27:41,315
don't wanna have to look across the street.

775
00:27:41,315 --> 00:27:43,555
I don't like, you just guide. Right? You

776
00:27:43,555 --> 00:27:44,214
just lead.

777
00:27:44,914 --> 00:27:47,474
Everywhere he went, he the moment we were

778
00:27:47,474 --> 00:27:49,234
walking towards the thing, like, we'd get half

779
00:27:49,234 --> 00:27:50,835
a step and his hand was out like,

780
00:27:50,835 --> 00:27:52,535
hold my hand and I'm like, okay.

781
00:27:54,755 --> 00:27:55,980
And that was really nice

782
00:27:56,859 --> 00:27:59,179
because we have been holding hands more often

783
00:27:59,179 --> 00:28:01,359
recently when we're when we're out in public.

784
00:28:01,660 --> 00:28:04,460
Yes. But it's either a thing that I'm

785
00:28:04,460 --> 00:28:07,099
grabbing for you or our hands just brush

786
00:28:07,099 --> 00:28:08,140
and we go, oh, yeah. There you are.

787
00:28:08,140 --> 00:28:08,744
And we hold

788
00:28:09,224 --> 00:28:11,164
hands. This time, through this experiment,

789
00:28:11,545 --> 00:28:12,845
his hand was out

790
00:28:13,144 --> 00:28:15,025
behind him because we don't have a rule.

791
00:28:15,025 --> 00:28:16,424
I have to walk behind him, but, you

792
00:28:16,424 --> 00:28:17,964
know, he's leading the way.

793
00:28:18,265 --> 00:28:20,105
And hand behind him, and it was no

794
00:28:20,105 --> 00:28:21,740
question. Of course, I was gonna grab it.

795
00:28:21,740 --> 00:28:22,240
Like,

796
00:28:22,539 --> 00:28:23,200
of course.

797
00:28:23,660 --> 00:28:25,119
I liked that.

798
00:28:25,420 --> 00:28:28,140
That something about you putting your hand out

799
00:28:28,140 --> 00:28:29,200
for me to take

800
00:28:29,740 --> 00:28:31,580
without like, you're not looking at me. You're

801
00:28:31,580 --> 00:28:33,420
not questioning it. It's just an understood up.

802
00:28:33,420 --> 00:28:35,359
My hand's out here. She's gonna hold it.

803
00:28:35,804 --> 00:28:38,944
Something about that makes me feel very

804
00:28:39,565 --> 00:28:40,065
submissive.

805
00:28:40,684 --> 00:28:42,605
Feels actually makes me feel the baby girl

806
00:28:42,605 --> 00:28:43,585
side. Like that,

807
00:28:45,085 --> 00:28:47,644
you know, bordering on a little you know,

808
00:28:47,644 --> 00:28:49,340
I always say it's kind of the spec

809
00:28:49,420 --> 00:28:51,019
in the spectrum of that. Like, I that's

810
00:28:51,019 --> 00:28:52,700
when you're, like, taking care of me. You're

811
00:28:52,700 --> 00:28:54,619
making sure I don't, like, wander off and

812
00:28:54,619 --> 00:28:55,759
get lost anywhere.

813
00:28:56,859 --> 00:28:58,779
You're making sure you know exactly where I

814
00:28:58,779 --> 00:29:00,555
am and that where I am is, like,

815
00:29:00,795 --> 00:29:01,035
connect

816
00:29:01,914 --> 00:29:04,955
physically connected to you. And I like that

817
00:29:04,955 --> 00:29:07,994
feeling. I really like that feeling. Okay. That

818
00:29:07,994 --> 00:29:09,775
feeling is nice. That's Now,

819
00:29:10,075 --> 00:29:11,455
through through all this,

820
00:29:13,755 --> 00:29:15,900
I have to say, I think there was

821
00:29:15,900 --> 00:29:17,200
one hiccup.

822
00:29:17,740 --> 00:29:18,240
Mhmm.

823
00:29:20,299 --> 00:29:21,679
And we're at the flea market.

824
00:29:22,539 --> 00:29:23,900
The flea market was a couple weeks ago.

825
00:29:23,900 --> 00:29:25,579
Oh, a couple weeks ago. That's right. We

826
00:29:25,579 --> 00:29:28,375
did I mean, we we outside the experiment

827
00:29:28,914 --> 00:29:30,674
That's right. We did have we always have

828
00:29:30,674 --> 00:29:31,875
issues when we go to the flea market

829
00:29:31,875 --> 00:29:34,674
because I'm immediately overstimulated. Yeah. It's it's a

830
00:29:34,674 --> 00:29:37,234
very overwhelming place for me. I like being

831
00:29:37,234 --> 00:29:38,914
there. There's especially when I'm looking for something,

832
00:29:38,914 --> 00:29:39,359
but

833
00:29:40,160 --> 00:29:42,000
I also hate being there. But what were

834
00:29:42,000 --> 00:29:43,759
you thinking of? What I was thinking of

835
00:29:43,759 --> 00:29:45,759
while that when we were walking through that

836
00:29:45,759 --> 00:29:46,259
day,

837
00:29:48,400 --> 00:29:50,480
as we were getting to the back of

838
00:29:50,480 --> 00:29:52,480
the flea market, you were having a hard

839
00:29:52,480 --> 00:29:54,704
time. My feet hurt. My head hurt. Your

840
00:29:54,704 --> 00:29:56,704
feet, your head. Yeah. Everything. Too many fucking

841
00:29:56,704 --> 00:29:57,204
people.

842
00:29:57,825 --> 00:30:00,144
I was two people were too close. There

843
00:30:00,144 --> 00:30:01,525
was no personal space.

844
00:30:01,904 --> 00:30:03,904
And and there was a booth that I

845
00:30:03,904 --> 00:30:06,304
I really wanted to walk through Mhmm. And

846
00:30:06,304 --> 00:30:08,565
see. But I knew you were having,

847
00:30:09,025 --> 00:30:09,845
you know, your

848
00:30:11,019 --> 00:30:13,200
I was having a moment. Yeah. And

849
00:30:13,980 --> 00:30:15,839
and outside the booth in the main

850
00:30:16,859 --> 00:30:17,759
hallway there,

851
00:30:18,539 --> 00:30:20,539
there was a bench. Mhmm. And I told

852
00:30:20,539 --> 00:30:22,940
you to sit down Mhmm. And and rest

853
00:30:22,940 --> 00:30:25,119
and wait for me. And you kind of

854
00:30:25,625 --> 00:30:27,225
pushed back a little bit on that. Yes.

855
00:30:27,225 --> 00:30:28,825
Had we been in the experiment, I would

856
00:30:28,825 --> 00:30:30,585
not have. Mentally, I would have. I'd had

857
00:30:30,585 --> 00:30:33,465
thoughts. I'd had thoughts. And here's what's funny.

858
00:30:33,465 --> 00:30:34,984
At that time, and this again, y'all, it's

859
00:30:34,984 --> 00:30:36,265
like two or three weeks ago. It's outside

860
00:30:36,265 --> 00:30:37,404
of the scope of this experiment.

861
00:30:37,945 --> 00:30:39,945
I could see myself pushing back, and I

862
00:30:39,945 --> 00:30:41,404
was like because this

863
00:30:41,759 --> 00:30:42,580
this experiment,

864
00:30:44,240 --> 00:30:44,980
is a culmination

865
00:30:45,279 --> 00:30:45,779
of

866
00:30:46,160 --> 00:30:48,500
me trying to kinda just be more submissive

867
00:30:49,039 --> 00:30:51,599
on my own and not asking JB if

868
00:30:51,599 --> 00:30:53,839
he notices, if he cares, if this is

869
00:30:53,839 --> 00:30:55,144
the way he wants me to be. I

870
00:30:55,144 --> 00:30:56,585
was just like, let's see what happens if

871
00:30:56,585 --> 00:30:58,424
I try this. What happens is I shock

872
00:30:58,424 --> 00:30:59,484
the shit out of him.

873
00:31:00,345 --> 00:31:01,724
But because there was nothing,

874
00:31:03,304 --> 00:31:05,865
negotiated or organized and we won't we weren't

875
00:31:05,865 --> 00:31:07,724
both on the same page about it,

876
00:31:08,369 --> 00:31:10,529
Parts of my very natural personality were coming

877
00:31:10,529 --> 00:31:11,809
out. And there was one time you were

878
00:31:11,809 --> 00:31:13,490
like, I want you to sit here, and

879
00:31:13,490 --> 00:31:15,029
I will be back. And I

880
00:31:15,970 --> 00:31:16,470
the,

881
00:31:16,769 --> 00:31:18,769
social anxiety side of me went, no. I

882
00:31:18,769 --> 00:31:20,849
don't like that. And I pushed back then

883
00:31:21,170 --> 00:31:23,974
Mhmm. Because I had this, like, how long

884
00:31:23,974 --> 00:31:26,394
are you gonna be gone? And, you know,

885
00:31:26,774 --> 00:31:27,355
all the

886
00:31:28,615 --> 00:31:29,755
the not at all

887
00:31:31,494 --> 00:31:34,534
rational thoughts that I get when I'm in

888
00:31:34,534 --> 00:31:36,840
spaces around. There's too many people. Like, I

889
00:31:36,840 --> 00:31:38,360
know it's not rational. I know other people

890
00:31:38,360 --> 00:31:39,480
would be like, oh, well, why do you

891
00:31:39,480 --> 00:31:41,000
just why don't you just do this? Well,

892
00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:43,559
if my brain would fucking let me, I

893
00:31:43,559 --> 00:31:44,059
would.

894
00:31:44,440 --> 00:31:46,940
But what's happening to me is I'm internally

895
00:31:47,000 --> 00:31:49,035
panicking over a thing that hasn't happened yet,

896
00:31:49,115 --> 00:31:50,555
but it might happen and I might not

897
00:31:50,555 --> 00:31:51,994
know how to handle it. And what am

898
00:31:51,994 --> 00:31:53,195
I gonna do? And, yeah, I know. I'm

899
00:31:53,195 --> 00:31:55,134
a functioning adult. I get it. But whatever.

900
00:31:55,515 --> 00:31:57,035
So that time I was like, nope. I

901
00:31:57,035 --> 00:31:58,894
don't wanna be left here by myself.

902
00:31:59,515 --> 00:32:01,914
And the second time you were like, I'm

903
00:32:01,914 --> 00:32:02,555
going in that

904
00:32:03,195 --> 00:32:05,169
the the bench and the booth were 10

905
00:32:05,169 --> 00:32:07,329
feet away. You're like, I'm going in that

906
00:32:07,329 --> 00:32:09,649
booth. You sit right here. And I went,

907
00:32:09,649 --> 00:32:11,829
okay. Not a problem. Not a problem.

908
00:32:12,769 --> 00:32:14,289
And I and I was grateful to sit

909
00:32:14,289 --> 00:32:17,269
down. But that was outside of a negotiated

910
00:32:17,409 --> 00:32:20,774
parameters, and so I wasn't watching myself

911
00:32:21,075 --> 00:32:23,394
as closely as I was this past weekend.

912
00:32:23,394 --> 00:32:25,154
Yeah. And this weekend will be quiet. We

913
00:32:25,154 --> 00:32:26,194
won't do much, but I think the following

914
00:32:26,194 --> 00:32:27,554
weekend, we'll probably go and do a whole

915
00:32:27,554 --> 00:32:28,914
bunch of things. Yeah. And we might try

916
00:32:28,914 --> 00:32:30,615
this again with stricter parameters

917
00:32:31,075 --> 00:32:31,575
or,

918
00:32:32,330 --> 00:32:33,309
you know, whatever.

919
00:32:34,490 --> 00:32:35,549
Yeah. We need to

920
00:32:36,490 --> 00:32:38,410
make a trip to the downtown market one

921
00:32:38,410 --> 00:32:40,330
weekend. I know. I need more soap from

922
00:32:40,330 --> 00:32:41,789
that soap maker. Mhmm.

923
00:32:43,529 --> 00:32:44,750
So yeah. I mean,

924
00:32:46,570 --> 00:32:47,070
overall,

925
00:32:47,924 --> 00:32:48,585
the experiment,

926
00:32:51,045 --> 00:32:54,585
I I enjoyed it. Mhmm. I reminded myself

927
00:32:55,205 --> 00:32:57,285
that I I like how this feels. I

928
00:32:57,285 --> 00:32:59,125
had to remind myself of what it feels

929
00:32:59,125 --> 00:33:00,664
like to be bound by,

930
00:33:01,359 --> 00:33:03,700
Okay. Subjective term, strict rules.

931
00:33:04,159 --> 00:33:05,839
Some people go, those are not strict rules.

932
00:33:05,839 --> 00:33:07,599
For us, they were. I've been speaking my

933
00:33:07,599 --> 00:33:10,319
fucking mind for a decade now. Yeah. It's

934
00:33:10,319 --> 00:33:12,480
very rare. Let's put it let's put it

935
00:33:12,480 --> 00:33:13,460
to you this way.

936
00:33:14,934 --> 00:33:15,434
What

937
00:33:16,934 --> 00:33:18,075
I found the nicest,

938
00:33:21,015 --> 00:33:22,715
many times when we're out and about,

939
00:33:24,855 --> 00:33:25,755
I will get,

940
00:33:26,470 --> 00:33:27,769
why are you going this way?

941
00:33:29,269 --> 00:33:31,109
No. You you we're going there, but why

942
00:33:31,109 --> 00:33:32,389
are you going this way? You could you

943
00:33:32,389 --> 00:33:33,690
should be going that way.

944
00:33:34,309 --> 00:33:36,409
You take what I say that way sometimes,

945
00:33:36,470 --> 00:33:38,169
you know, in fairness to JB.

946
00:33:38,630 --> 00:33:39,769
Sometimes, yes.

947
00:33:40,230 --> 00:33:41,984
I do say it that way.

948
00:33:42,944 --> 00:33:45,184
Especially over the past few years. But lately,

949
00:33:45,184 --> 00:33:46,724
as I've tried to be more mindful,

950
00:33:47,585 --> 00:33:49,845
you are primed to take it that way.

951
00:33:49,984 --> 00:33:51,684
What I'm trying to do is

952
00:33:51,984 --> 00:33:52,804
get information

953
00:33:53,345 --> 00:33:55,240
because I wanna understand what's happening.

954
00:33:55,619 --> 00:33:57,859
So you like to take multiple different routes

955
00:33:57,859 --> 00:33:59,859
to the same location. I have grown used

956
00:33:59,859 --> 00:34:01,460
to that. I do not. I like to

957
00:34:01,460 --> 00:34:02,759
just go the way,

958
00:34:03,940 --> 00:34:05,700
because if I have to think every time

959
00:34:05,700 --> 00:34:08,260
I try to think about different options I

960
00:34:08,260 --> 00:34:10,260
have, I overwhelm myself because I'm like, well,

961
00:34:10,260 --> 00:34:12,644
this one, here's the the downfalls of doing

962
00:34:12,644 --> 00:34:13,845
that one. But if I do this one,

963
00:34:13,845 --> 00:34:15,125
here's the things that might annoy me on

964
00:34:15,125 --> 00:34:16,244
that. And then I'm like, don't make a

965
00:34:16,244 --> 00:34:18,565
decision. It's fucked up and I know. But

966
00:34:18,565 --> 00:34:20,005
you like to do it so often. I

967
00:34:20,005 --> 00:34:22,805
just like to check-in. It's anxiety talking. It's

968
00:34:22,805 --> 00:34:24,405
not anything else. Mhmm. And check-in and make

969
00:34:24,405 --> 00:34:25,909
sure I understand what's happening.

970
00:34:26,449 --> 00:34:28,530
Now in years past, that is not what

971
00:34:28,530 --> 00:34:30,530
was that was what was happening, but it

972
00:34:30,530 --> 00:34:31,589
was not done

973
00:34:32,210 --> 00:34:33,809
in any way, shape, or form that make

974
00:34:33,809 --> 00:34:35,750
me appear submissive. Okay.

975
00:34:37,170 --> 00:34:39,010
Because I those were times I think my

976
00:34:39,010 --> 00:34:40,150
anxiety was

977
00:34:40,695 --> 00:34:42,715
riding me, and it was overriding

978
00:34:43,175 --> 00:34:44,555
every other part of my personality.

979
00:34:44,934 --> 00:34:46,135
That's a thing for me to work on.

980
00:34:46,135 --> 00:34:47,655
I'm not, you know, I'm not saying, well,

981
00:34:47,655 --> 00:34:49,255
that that I should just be excused. That's

982
00:34:49,255 --> 00:34:50,315
just what was happening.

983
00:34:51,175 --> 00:34:52,075
This time,

984
00:34:52,690 --> 00:34:54,690
over the past few weeks, let me say

985
00:34:54,690 --> 00:34:57,409
that, what I'm doing is going, oh, you're

986
00:34:57,409 --> 00:34:59,250
take I'm trying to ask, are you taking

987
00:34:59,250 --> 00:35:01,730
this alternate route? Because I just wanna know

988
00:35:01,730 --> 00:35:03,250
where the fuck we're going. That has nothing

989
00:35:03,250 --> 00:35:05,489
to do with you. That's not about your

990
00:35:05,489 --> 00:35:07,914
ability to drive. That's not about whether you're

991
00:35:07,914 --> 00:35:10,655
going the quote correct way. It's just

992
00:35:11,275 --> 00:35:12,954
this little anxious brain just needs to know

993
00:35:12,954 --> 00:35:15,114
where she's going. And I'm trying to like

994
00:35:15,114 --> 00:35:17,855
check-in because, and here's the thing, and this

995
00:35:18,795 --> 00:35:21,275
Yep. This is a long term relationship thing.

996
00:35:21,275 --> 00:35:23,573
I am sure it happens to anybody and

997
00:35:23,573 --> 00:35:26,252
everybody of all flavors and all sides with

998
00:35:26,252 --> 00:35:28,930
Slash. But the longer you are with somebody,

999
00:35:28,930 --> 00:35:31,943
the more you will see when they because

1000
00:35:31,943 --> 00:35:34,621
they're not thinking, because they're tired, because they're

1001
00:35:34,621 --> 00:35:37,300
distracted, they'll make little mistakes, right? Like people

1002
00:35:37,300 --> 00:35:38,534
do. Well, I

1003
00:35:38,994 --> 00:35:41,494
am a service sub with anxiety.

1004
00:35:42,275 --> 00:35:43,894
If I can do something

1005
00:35:44,195 --> 00:35:47,335
that will prevent you from making a mistake,

1006
00:35:48,114 --> 00:35:49,795
I'm gonna try to do that. You're gonna

1007
00:35:49,795 --> 00:35:52,695
jump in there. I've been using my submissive

1008
00:35:52,835 --> 00:35:54,949
voice to do this over the past couple

1009
00:35:54,949 --> 00:35:56,789
years. No. No. I have not. No. I'm

1010
00:35:56,789 --> 00:35:58,789
not. But we talked about this before when

1011
00:35:58,789 --> 00:36:00,150
we were talking about kinda coming out of

1012
00:36:00,150 --> 00:36:02,630
the stress. When it feels like every decision

1013
00:36:02,630 --> 00:36:03,369
you make

1014
00:36:04,550 --> 00:36:06,375
is, like, it has to be done correctly

1015
00:36:06,375 --> 00:36:08,715
or you've like created more stress for yourself,

1016
00:36:08,855 --> 00:36:11,255
there's gonna be you've made a mistake that's

1017
00:36:11,255 --> 00:36:13,735
big enough to feel. That's where that comes

1018
00:36:13,735 --> 00:36:15,494
from. You're, you know, trying not to make

1019
00:36:15,494 --> 00:36:17,574
these mistakes because they'll cost you. They'll cost

1020
00:36:17,574 --> 00:36:19,510
you time, They'll cost you materials. They'll cost

1021
00:36:19,510 --> 00:36:20,489
you money. Right?

1022
00:36:21,269 --> 00:36:24,409
These days, it's more like, oh, two things.

1023
00:36:24,949 --> 00:36:27,750
Anxiety of I I don't want him to

1024
00:36:27,750 --> 00:36:29,829
be wrong and then have to, like, feel

1025
00:36:29,829 --> 00:36:31,829
whatever he's gonna feel about being wrong. That's

1026
00:36:31,829 --> 00:36:33,195
not healthy. I know. But that's

1027
00:36:33,914 --> 00:36:35,934
how I am. But also the running joke

1028
00:36:36,474 --> 00:36:38,735
that's not really a joke in our relationship

1029
00:36:40,315 --> 00:36:43,035
is if JB makes a just a basic

1030
00:36:43,035 --> 00:36:43,855
little mistake,

1031
00:36:44,235 --> 00:36:45,375
but I knew

1032
00:36:45,880 --> 00:36:46,699
what was happening.

1033
00:36:47,400 --> 00:36:49,320
He will go, well why didn't you say

1034
00:36:49,320 --> 00:36:51,400
anything? And I have to go because when

1035
00:36:51,400 --> 00:36:54,039
I do, you get mad at me. So

1036
00:36:54,039 --> 00:36:55,019
I can't win

1037
00:36:55,400 --> 00:36:57,800
no matter what. And then when I say

1038
00:36:57,800 --> 00:36:58,940
that and I complain,

1039
00:36:59,364 --> 00:37:01,785
he gets to do his sadistic chuckle because

1040
00:37:02,325 --> 00:37:04,344
he knows I'm right. So

1041
00:37:05,364 --> 00:37:05,925
there's all

1042
00:37:06,405 --> 00:37:08,905
these factors are all coming into play

1043
00:37:09,525 --> 00:37:11,765
when I start, and I've like I said,

1044
00:37:11,765 --> 00:37:13,285
past several weeks, I've tried to be really

1045
00:37:13,285 --> 00:37:13,785
mindful

1046
00:37:14,164 --> 00:37:16,789
and do it in what I perceive to

1047
00:37:16,789 --> 00:37:17,289
be

1048
00:37:17,829 --> 00:37:19,050
a submissive way

1049
00:37:19,349 --> 00:37:21,349
and not say, well, why are you doing

1050
00:37:21,349 --> 00:37:23,190
it like that? And more like, oh, is

1051
00:37:23,190 --> 00:37:25,210
this what you're doing? I just wanna

1052
00:37:25,510 --> 00:37:27,429
know if I'm right. Am I understanding it

1053
00:37:27,429 --> 00:37:28,329
right? Because

1054
00:37:29,429 --> 00:37:30,410
how many times

1055
00:37:30,735 --> 00:37:31,635
have you almost

1056
00:37:32,255 --> 00:37:34,175
turned where you didn't mean to turn, and

1057
00:37:34,175 --> 00:37:36,275
I have to go, oh, weren't we going

1058
00:37:36,735 --> 00:37:38,015
a place where he should have kept going

1059
00:37:38,015 --> 00:37:40,015
straight? And he goes, oh, fuck yeah. And

1060
00:37:40,015 --> 00:37:42,655
he swerves us back. And then Yeah. And

1061
00:37:42,655 --> 00:37:43,875
I'm gonna say

1062
00:37:44,255 --> 00:37:46,589
that is the fine You have done that

1063
00:37:46,589 --> 00:37:48,929
a few times and and it has yes.

1064
00:37:49,389 --> 00:37:52,589
That is the fine line of service when

1065
00:37:52,589 --> 00:37:53,409
that service

1066
00:37:54,269 --> 00:37:55,869
is though those kinds of things. When it's

1067
00:37:55,869 --> 00:37:57,824
not an the activity,

1068
00:37:58,125 --> 00:37:58,785
when it's

1069
00:37:59,244 --> 00:38:02,364
guidance, it's advice, it's information based, I am

1070
00:38:02,364 --> 00:38:05,644
supposed to communicate information to you. Right. That

1071
00:38:05,644 --> 00:38:08,125
means there will be times that there's I

1072
00:38:08,125 --> 00:38:10,364
don't win that argument no matter what because

1073
00:38:10,364 --> 00:38:10,864
either

1074
00:38:12,279 --> 00:38:13,980
I tried to offer

1075
00:38:14,359 --> 00:38:16,679
information that you didn't need, and so now

1076
00:38:16,679 --> 00:38:18,119
I'm a know it all who's just trying

1077
00:38:18,119 --> 00:38:19,579
to tell you what to do.

1078
00:38:20,839 --> 00:38:21,339
Or

1079
00:38:22,759 --> 00:38:25,214
it was information you needed, but you were

1080
00:38:25,214 --> 00:38:26,795
a little annoyed with yourself

1081
00:38:27,094 --> 00:38:28,715
that you needed it but

1082
00:38:29,255 --> 00:38:30,795
we project that on others.

1083
00:38:31,094 --> 00:38:31,594
Or

1084
00:38:32,454 --> 00:38:34,775
I don't say anything because last three times

1085
00:38:34,775 --> 00:38:36,454
he was annoyed because he didn't need the

1086
00:38:36,454 --> 00:38:38,289
information but I thought he might. So I

1087
00:38:38,289 --> 00:38:40,769
don't offer the information, and then he's like,

1088
00:38:40,769 --> 00:38:42,929
but why didn't you tell me? And then

1089
00:38:42,929 --> 00:38:45,349
that's when my head explodes. Okay?

1090
00:38:45,889 --> 00:38:48,210
That's when there's just bits of brain inside

1091
00:38:48,210 --> 00:38:50,369
the car. See, in my mind, I and

1092
00:38:50,369 --> 00:38:52,329
I know I do that. I I know

1093
00:38:52,329 --> 00:38:53,324
I do that. I think most people do

1094
00:38:53,324 --> 00:38:55,184
that. I you know. It's just a thing.

1095
00:38:55,244 --> 00:38:56,625
And I really thought,

1096
00:38:58,045 --> 00:38:59,984
recently that I have been

1097
00:39:01,005 --> 00:39:02,464
not doing that as much.

1098
00:39:02,764 --> 00:39:04,284
I think you have been better about it.

1099
00:39:04,284 --> 00:39:04,784
Yes.

1100
00:39:05,579 --> 00:39:06,320
These disparities

1101
00:39:07,019 --> 00:39:09,920
in trying to serve with information and knowledge

1102
00:39:10,380 --> 00:39:13,039
and advice and whatever whatever Mhmm.

1103
00:39:13,340 --> 00:39:15,360
The worst times we've had at it are

1104
00:39:15,579 --> 00:39:17,619
the times we've been the most stressed. Because

1105
00:39:17,820 --> 00:39:19,660
True. That's not a time when we're hearing

1106
00:39:19,660 --> 00:39:22,195
each other. Mhmm. And it's also a time

1107
00:39:22,195 --> 00:39:25,335
when our responses to one another are

1108
00:39:25,795 --> 00:39:28,675
part of our anxieties. They're stress responses. We're

1109
00:39:28,675 --> 00:39:30,135
like, we don't have

1110
00:39:30,434 --> 00:39:32,375
a conversate a calm conversation.

1111
00:39:32,914 --> 00:39:34,135
Mhmm. We come

1112
00:39:34,434 --> 00:39:36,000
into a air quote conversation

1113
00:39:38,639 --> 00:39:40,820
And I think we've done that for just

1114
00:39:40,960 --> 00:39:43,599
long enough that we're both primed for each

1115
00:39:43,599 --> 00:39:44,099
other's

1116
00:39:44,719 --> 00:39:45,699
worst responses.

1117
00:39:46,159 --> 00:39:47,760
You are primed for me to go, why

1118
00:39:47,760 --> 00:39:49,199
are you doing it this way? What's happening?

1119
00:39:49,199 --> 00:39:51,905
What's and that was never about you, your

1120
00:39:51,905 --> 00:39:53,605
dominance, your your

1121
00:39:54,465 --> 00:39:56,945
ability as an adult. None of that. You

1122
00:39:56,945 --> 00:39:58,785
being my partner has never been about that.

1123
00:39:58,785 --> 00:40:01,344
That is anxiety on my part trying to

1124
00:40:01,344 --> 00:40:03,125
take get the information I need

1125
00:40:03,480 --> 00:40:05,559
to figure out what's going on so I

1126
00:40:05,559 --> 00:40:07,500
am prepared. That's all that's ever been.

1127
00:40:08,440 --> 00:40:08,940
Likewise,

1128
00:40:09,559 --> 00:40:11,579
me letting you know or asking,

1129
00:40:12,199 --> 00:40:13,880
do you is this what you mean to

1130
00:40:13,880 --> 00:40:14,380
do?

1131
00:40:15,494 --> 00:40:18,375
It's not a criticism of yours. It's an

1132
00:40:18,375 --> 00:40:18,875
acknowledgement

1133
00:40:19,255 --> 00:40:21,894
that sometimes you forget where you're going. You

1134
00:40:21,894 --> 00:40:24,174
get into autopilot. I go into autopilot and

1135
00:40:24,295 --> 00:40:25,835
yeah. Right. And it's it's

1136
00:40:26,614 --> 00:40:27,094
it's,

1137
00:40:28,134 --> 00:40:30,570
acknowledging that you're fallible. Like, you can make

1138
00:40:30,570 --> 00:40:33,210
mistakes. You have made mistakes, but it's not

1139
00:40:33,210 --> 00:40:34,750
a critique. Right?

1140
00:40:36,010 --> 00:40:36,750
And yet

1141
00:40:37,130 --> 00:40:38,829
I think what has happened

1142
00:40:39,289 --> 00:40:41,450
in the recent past is you've just kinda

1143
00:40:41,450 --> 00:40:43,130
wanted to be left alone to do the

1144
00:40:43,130 --> 00:40:43,950
damn thing.

1145
00:40:44,505 --> 00:40:45,244
But as

1146
00:40:45,784 --> 00:40:47,324
a traumatized people pleaser,

1147
00:40:47,625 --> 00:40:49,224
that's where me and a therapist talk about

1148
00:40:49,224 --> 00:40:49,885
my childhood.

1149
00:40:50,344 --> 00:40:52,444
You making the mistake and then the aggravation

1150
00:40:52,505 --> 00:40:54,424
that comes from making the mistake is more

1151
00:40:54,424 --> 00:40:55,565
than I can bear.

1152
00:40:56,105 --> 00:40:57,964
It's more than I can handle

1153
00:40:58,809 --> 00:41:01,609
emotionally and mentally. That is my problem to,

1154
00:41:01,609 --> 00:41:03,609
like, go work out, but that's what happens.

1155
00:41:03,609 --> 00:41:05,289
So I'm gonna do everything in my power

1156
00:41:05,289 --> 00:41:06,829
to make sure you can't make a mistake.

1157
00:41:07,049 --> 00:41:08,349
Is it driving you

1158
00:41:08,969 --> 00:41:11,849
fucking baddie? Is it making you question whether

1159
00:41:11,849 --> 00:41:14,255
I'm even submissive or not? Right.

1160
00:41:16,474 --> 00:41:18,894
I'm not saying it's a good coping mechanism

1161
00:41:19,355 --> 00:41:20,174
or strategy.

1162
00:41:20,634 --> 00:41:23,134
Just saying it's it's the one I've used.

1163
00:41:23,594 --> 00:41:26,154
So this weekend, what makes all, like, what

1164
00:41:26,154 --> 00:41:28,500
makes all of this relevant is this weekend

1165
00:41:28,500 --> 00:41:30,760
during these very specific parameters,

1166
00:41:31,460 --> 00:41:33,539
there was none of that. I just kept

1167
00:41:33,539 --> 00:41:35,460
my damn mouth do you know what happened?

1168
00:41:35,460 --> 00:41:37,380
Oh my god. Uh-uh. I hate to admit

1169
00:41:37,380 --> 00:41:39,380
this to you because you'll wanna do this

1170
00:41:39,380 --> 00:41:40,039
more often.

1171
00:41:42,014 --> 00:41:42,514
Negotiating

1172
00:41:42,974 --> 00:41:44,734
these rules and and how we were gonna

1173
00:41:44,734 --> 00:41:47,554
be in public Mhmm. And and me deciding.

1174
00:41:47,695 --> 00:41:49,454
Just just stay quiet. Unless you got something

1175
00:41:49,454 --> 00:41:51,054
you really need to say, just just chill.

1176
00:41:51,054 --> 00:41:52,414
Just let him talk. Let him lead the

1177
00:41:52,414 --> 00:41:52,914
conversation.

1178
00:41:53,409 --> 00:41:56,050
And, you know, asking questions instead of making

1179
00:41:56,050 --> 00:41:56,550
statements.

1180
00:41:58,610 --> 00:42:01,269
I was less anxious while you were driving.

1181
00:42:02,610 --> 00:42:04,690
Really? I was sitting there. Like, my brain

1182
00:42:04,690 --> 00:42:07,090
got quiet, which is just rare in general.

1183
00:42:07,090 --> 00:42:08,994
Yeah. And I think it's because I was

1184
00:42:08,994 --> 00:42:11,293
really focused on the power exchanger. I was

1185
00:42:11,293 --> 00:42:13,592
really focused on my role and, you know,

1186
00:42:13,592 --> 00:42:15,890
what we were doing and how I felt

1187
00:42:15,890 --> 00:42:18,189
and what it meant and blah blah blah.

1188
00:42:18,189 --> 00:42:20,488
And I was focused on not doing what

1189
00:42:20,488 --> 00:42:22,739
I usually do. And something about that, I

1190
00:42:22,739 --> 00:42:24,579
am not smart enough to know what that

1191
00:42:24,579 --> 00:42:26,420
is. I'm not educated enough to know what

1192
00:42:26,420 --> 00:42:29,239
that is. But something about that moment,

1193
00:42:31,139 --> 00:42:33,380
the only time I got nervous while we

1194
00:42:33,380 --> 00:42:34,360
were riding around

1195
00:42:34,739 --> 00:42:36,500
was when some dumbass in front of you

1196
00:42:36,500 --> 00:42:38,494
did something stupid and you had to react.

1197
00:42:38,635 --> 00:42:40,875
Not just because you're out here driving and

1198
00:42:40,875 --> 00:42:43,034
what and I just I I don't know

1199
00:42:43,034 --> 00:42:44,094
if it showed,

1200
00:42:44,795 --> 00:42:45,855
but I felt

1201
00:42:46,474 --> 00:42:46,974
much

1202
00:42:47,434 --> 00:42:47,934
calmer,

1203
00:42:48,554 --> 00:42:49,614
much less anxious.

1204
00:42:50,000 --> 00:42:52,500
The anxiety, it's always there. It's always there.

1205
00:42:55,039 --> 00:42:55,940
But it was

1206
00:42:56,639 --> 00:42:58,659
massively decreased. It was so much less.

1207
00:42:59,119 --> 00:43:00,659
It it absolutely was.

1208
00:43:01,760 --> 00:43:02,079
And,

1209
00:43:02,719 --> 00:43:03,380
you know,

1210
00:43:04,480 --> 00:43:05,894
this did not come about

1211
00:43:06,375 --> 00:43:08,474
with the experimental weekend,

1212
00:43:09,094 --> 00:43:10,954
but I'm I'm gonna tie it in.

1213
00:43:15,735 --> 00:43:17,574
You know, when we when we're getting ready

1214
00:43:17,574 --> 00:43:18,394
to go out,

1215
00:43:19,414 --> 00:43:21,114
a lot of times I'm ready before

1216
00:43:21,599 --> 00:43:22,099
Kayla

1217
00:43:22,480 --> 00:43:23,300
is. Mhmm.

1218
00:43:24,000 --> 00:43:25,220
And I'm sitting waiting.

1219
00:43:26,400 --> 00:43:27,140
And then

1220
00:43:27,760 --> 00:43:30,320
she'll get ready and she'll come and she'll

1221
00:43:30,320 --> 00:43:31,539
just quietly sit.

1222
00:43:32,400 --> 00:43:33,920
And not even when we're going out, when

1223
00:43:33,920 --> 00:43:36,565
we're doing we're planning activities too. Things we

1224
00:43:36,565 --> 00:43:38,085
need to get done. Mhmm. I know where

1225
00:43:38,085 --> 00:43:39,684
you're going with this. And and and she'll

1226
00:43:39,684 --> 00:43:41,204
just sit, you know. And most of the

1227
00:43:41,204 --> 00:43:42,105
time I'm playing

1228
00:43:43,525 --> 00:43:46,085
either my my game, the rise of cultures,

1229
00:43:46,085 --> 00:43:46,985
or I'm doing

1230
00:43:47,285 --> 00:43:49,144
solitaire. Mhmm. You know.

1231
00:43:50,410 --> 00:43:50,910
And

1232
00:43:51,849 --> 00:43:53,610
and she just, you know, comes out and

1233
00:43:53,610 --> 00:43:54,429
sits down

1234
00:43:55,929 --> 00:43:57,369
and is quiet. And I keep doing my

1235
00:43:57,369 --> 00:43:58,110
thing. I'm like,

1236
00:43:58,410 --> 00:44:00,510
why didn't you tell me you were

1237
00:44:00,809 --> 00:44:03,130
actually ready? And I said, because you were

1238
00:44:03,130 --> 00:44:04,650
in the middle of something. And I figured

1239
00:44:04,650 --> 00:44:04,934
when

1240
00:44:07,015 --> 00:44:07,594
you were done, you would say something. So,

1241
00:44:08,135 --> 00:44:09,195
I turned to her

1242
00:44:09,494 --> 00:44:10,954
and I said, baby girl,

1243
00:44:11,974 --> 00:44:13,994
I said, from here on out moving forward,

1244
00:44:15,574 --> 00:44:16,795
when you are ready,

1245
00:44:18,059 --> 00:44:20,140
regardless of what I am doing, you tell

1246
00:44:20,140 --> 00:44:22,140
me that you are ready to go. That

1247
00:44:22,140 --> 00:44:24,460
was the return of your Donnelly Stern voice.

1248
00:44:24,460 --> 00:44:26,559
I had not heard it in literal years.

1249
00:44:27,099 --> 00:44:30,539
I heard you be angry and annoyed, but

1250
00:44:30,539 --> 00:44:32,984
not with the dominant tone on it. Just

1251
00:44:32,984 --> 00:44:33,885
the exasperated

1252
00:44:34,264 --> 00:44:35,244
man tone.

1253
00:44:35,864 --> 00:44:36,585
Yeah. Yeah.

1254
00:44:36,984 --> 00:44:39,144
And there's a difference. I'm sorry if you

1255
00:44:39,144 --> 00:44:41,244
have not experienced it. There's a difference.

1256
00:44:41,944 --> 00:44:42,444
And

1257
00:44:42,905 --> 00:44:44,444
so that moment,

1258
00:44:44,960 --> 00:44:46,960
here's the thing. I think the reason we

1259
00:44:46,960 --> 00:44:48,819
could do this particular experiment

1260
00:44:49,279 --> 00:44:51,920
is because we've started doing these things on

1261
00:44:51,920 --> 00:44:53,539
our own without a formal

1262
00:44:54,559 --> 00:44:57,199
set time Mhmm. Parameters, blah blah blah, like

1263
00:44:57,199 --> 00:44:59,154
we did this past weekend. It started and

1264
00:44:59,154 --> 00:45:00,514
I it's when I I admitted it to

1265
00:45:00,514 --> 00:45:01,554
you. It started when I was like, I'm

1266
00:45:01,554 --> 00:45:02,914
just gonna be a little duckling and follow

1267
00:45:02,914 --> 00:45:05,074
him. Right? And that felt really good. And,

1268
00:45:05,074 --> 00:45:07,094
you know, over time, we've

1269
00:45:08,835 --> 00:45:11,974
relaxed enough to kind of start

1270
00:45:13,079 --> 00:45:15,400
feeling that dumb sub role a little bit,

1271
00:45:15,400 --> 00:45:16,140
but not

1272
00:45:17,079 --> 00:45:18,220
not in a planned

1273
00:45:18,680 --> 00:45:19,660
way. Right?

1274
00:45:20,280 --> 00:45:23,720
And this happened before this past weekend because

1275
00:45:23,720 --> 00:45:26,315
I think I mentioned it in an intro

1276
00:45:26,934 --> 00:45:29,655
to something, a podcast episode, a video I

1277
00:45:29,655 --> 00:45:32,235
don't remember about you using your stern voice,

1278
00:45:32,375 --> 00:45:33,974
and I hadn't heard that voice in a

1279
00:45:33,974 --> 00:45:34,954
very long time.

1280
00:45:36,454 --> 00:45:38,320
And it's a I don't

1281
00:45:38,619 --> 00:45:40,460
know. I I'm sure others can relate to

1282
00:45:40,460 --> 00:45:41,099
this, but it's

1283
00:45:41,739 --> 00:45:43,019
I hadn't felt it in so long. It

1284
00:45:43,019 --> 00:45:43,840
was foreign.

1285
00:45:44,539 --> 00:45:45,199
So there's

1286
00:45:45,820 --> 00:45:48,059
when when you were saying that, there was

1287
00:45:48,059 --> 00:45:49,994
the understanding that you were correct because I

1288
00:45:49,994 --> 00:45:51,514
was taking advantage of the fact that I

1289
00:45:51,514 --> 00:45:52,635
didn't wanna do the thing we needed to

1290
00:45:52,635 --> 00:45:54,074
do. And, oh, he was busy, so I'll

1291
00:45:54,074 --> 00:45:55,694
read my book over here. Right?

1292
00:45:56,875 --> 00:45:58,234
I I knew I knew what I was

1293
00:45:58,234 --> 00:45:58,734
doing.

1294
00:45:59,355 --> 00:46:00,894
So there was this brief

1295
00:46:01,514 --> 00:46:02,494
flare of

1296
00:46:02,930 --> 00:46:04,769
the shame I feel when I'm called out

1297
00:46:04,849 --> 00:46:07,030
when I'm found to have done something wrong.

1298
00:46:07,489 --> 00:46:09,489
Again, that's for me and a therapist whenever

1299
00:46:09,489 --> 00:46:10,550
that day comes again.

1300
00:46:11,010 --> 00:46:12,289
Because I I but I know where that

1301
00:46:12,289 --> 00:46:13,730
comes from. And then I know why I'm

1302
00:46:13,730 --> 00:46:14,849
always trying to be a good girl and

1303
00:46:14,849 --> 00:46:16,930
I'm a people pleaser. I I know where

1304
00:46:16,930 --> 00:46:19,235
that all comes from. So there was that

1305
00:46:19,315 --> 00:46:20,375
and it's just a flare

1306
00:46:20,755 --> 00:46:22,375
of feeling ashamed

1307
00:46:22,914 --> 00:46:25,235
because I did know better, and you were

1308
00:46:25,235 --> 00:46:26,755
unhappy, and here you are with your stern

1309
00:46:26,755 --> 00:46:28,215
voice, and that's not fine.

1310
00:46:29,555 --> 00:46:30,775
And that thankfully

1311
00:46:31,635 --> 00:46:33,820
and I I think it's because I know

1312
00:46:33,820 --> 00:46:36,380
I'm safe. You are my safe person. Mhmm.

1313
00:46:36,380 --> 00:46:38,460
Even when you're angry at me, you still

1314
00:46:38,460 --> 00:46:39,980
love me. I cannot tell you how many

1315
00:46:39,980 --> 00:46:42,400
years it's taken for me to internalize that.

1316
00:46:42,460 --> 00:46:43,280
Just saying.

1317
00:46:43,579 --> 00:46:45,980
What way longer than we've been married, if

1318
00:46:45,980 --> 00:46:47,119
that helps. Oh, goodness.

1319
00:46:49,015 --> 00:46:51,594
Uh-huh. And then on the backside of that,

1320
00:46:51,974 --> 00:46:53,035
there was this

1321
00:46:56,855 --> 00:46:58,934
oh. Oh, I I feel kinda submissive. Yeah.

1322
00:46:58,934 --> 00:47:00,795
I'll tell what he says. No I mean,

1323
00:47:00,855 --> 00:47:02,695
I could've been like, woah. Woah. Woah. Time

1324
00:47:02,695 --> 00:47:04,369
out. Let's negotiate this. Right?

1325
00:47:04,670 --> 00:47:07,010
And there are times you'll make a pronouncement,

1326
00:47:07,230 --> 00:47:08,289
usually out of anger,

1327
00:47:08,670 --> 00:47:10,909
not always with your dumb voice. No. And

1328
00:47:10,909 --> 00:47:12,989
I'll go, time out. Time out. Let's talk.

1329
00:47:12,989 --> 00:47:16,664
Let's negotiate this. This no. One, I I

1330
00:47:16,664 --> 00:47:18,285
knew what I had done. Okay.

1331
00:47:19,144 --> 00:47:20,936
I've been like, oh, look. He's playing his

1332
00:47:20,936 --> 00:47:23,244
game. I'll just read my book some more.

1333
00:47:23,785 --> 00:47:25,244
He'll tell me when he's ready.

1334
00:47:26,905 --> 00:47:27,405
Mhmm.

1335
00:47:28,505 --> 00:47:30,184
Knowing that I get lost in my book,

1336
00:47:30,184 --> 00:47:31,719
and he'll get lost in his game and

1337
00:47:31,719 --> 00:47:33,099
we won't get anything done.

1338
00:47:34,119 --> 00:47:36,059
So, yeah, it was it was this

1339
00:47:38,680 --> 00:47:41,400
the flare of shame and then the the,

1340
00:47:41,400 --> 00:47:43,800
like, spike of, oh, that makes me feel

1341
00:47:43,800 --> 00:47:46,184
submissive. Oh, I've missed that. Was so, like

1342
00:47:46,184 --> 00:47:48,105
they were almost on top of one another.

1343
00:47:48,105 --> 00:47:50,505
So it was this really strange I can

1344
00:47:50,505 --> 00:47:52,344
kinda still feel it when I think about

1345
00:47:52,344 --> 00:47:53,965
it. Because I

1346
00:47:54,505 --> 00:47:56,744
wanted to both cry and giggle at the

1347
00:47:56,744 --> 00:47:59,010
same time, but the effect of it,

1348
00:48:00,210 --> 00:48:02,530
past that, like, two second blip of emotion

1349
00:48:02,530 --> 00:48:03,030
was,

1350
00:48:03,650 --> 00:48:06,070
yep. That's what I'm gonna do going far.

1351
00:48:06,369 --> 00:48:07,190
You're right.

1352
00:48:08,050 --> 00:48:09,730
And I didn't even question it. And it

1353
00:48:09,730 --> 00:48:12,610
was it then became a point of conversation

1354
00:48:12,610 --> 00:48:13,969
because I was like, you haven't used that

1355
00:48:13,969 --> 00:48:14,469
voice

1356
00:48:14,855 --> 00:48:17,734
in a long time. Now I know you

1357
00:48:17,734 --> 00:48:19,335
did that out of a certain level of

1358
00:48:19,335 --> 00:48:21,815
annoyance or aggravation. Mhmm. But when you did

1359
00:48:21,815 --> 00:48:23,755
that, how did you feel

1360
00:48:25,974 --> 00:48:27,835
beyond the annoyance slash aggravation?

1361
00:48:28,214 --> 00:48:28,714
Empowered.

1362
00:48:31,550 --> 00:48:32,050
Nice.

1363
00:48:32,750 --> 00:48:34,050
I mean, that's Yeah.

1364
00:48:34,829 --> 00:48:35,329
Now

1365
00:48:35,630 --> 00:48:36,690
we haven't had

1366
00:48:38,110 --> 00:48:40,690
a lot of situations for that recently, but

1367
00:48:40,750 --> 00:48:42,289
they have come up even today.

1368
00:48:43,684 --> 00:48:44,724
I I did what you told me to

1369
00:48:44,724 --> 00:48:45,925
do, and I let you know that I

1370
00:48:45,925 --> 00:48:46,585
was done.

1371
00:48:46,965 --> 00:48:48,824
So then how does it make you feel

1372
00:48:49,284 --> 00:48:51,445
when I continue to do the when I

1373
00:48:51,445 --> 00:48:52,885
do the thing that you told me to

1374
00:48:52,885 --> 00:48:53,364
do?

1375
00:48:54,244 --> 00:48:55,900
It makes me feel proud of you that

1376
00:48:55,900 --> 00:48:57,500
you're doing Aw. I wasn't even going for

1377
00:48:57,500 --> 00:48:59,500
that. But I know. I mean, yeah. I

1378
00:48:59,500 --> 00:49:01,119
was thinking about how you feel

1379
00:49:01,500 --> 00:49:03,420
in your dominant self is really what I

1380
00:49:03,420 --> 00:49:04,780
was thinking. I mean, thank you for being

1381
00:49:04,780 --> 00:49:05,679
proud of me, but

1382
00:49:08,380 --> 00:49:10,505
sort of like how I can still

1383
00:49:10,964 --> 00:49:13,364
and I can remember that feeling I had

1384
00:49:13,364 --> 00:49:15,284
when you got on to me, and you

1385
00:49:15,284 --> 00:49:16,905
can remember feeling empowered.

1386
00:49:17,605 --> 00:49:19,065
Does any of that empowerment

1387
00:49:19,764 --> 00:49:20,664
carry over

1388
00:49:20,964 --> 00:49:23,219
for you when you recognize that a rule

1389
00:49:23,219 --> 00:49:24,980
that you set is being followed or your

1390
00:49:24,980 --> 00:49:27,780
instructions are being followed? It definitely does. It

1391
00:49:27,780 --> 00:49:28,840
it definitely does.

1392
00:49:30,500 --> 00:49:32,420
I I I lost it. I wish I

1393
00:49:32,420 --> 00:49:34,420
didn't look what I was thinking while you

1394
00:49:34,420 --> 00:49:34,920
were

1395
00:49:35,545 --> 00:49:36,844
talking there, but I can't

1396
00:49:39,704 --> 00:49:41,144
no. I can't I can't get it back

1397
00:49:41,144 --> 00:49:43,644
right now. I understand. Yeah. Believe me.

1398
00:49:45,144 --> 00:49:47,144
Podcast hosts who lose their train of thought

1399
00:49:47,144 --> 00:49:48,125
in mid sentence

1400
00:49:48,460 --> 00:49:49,960
because we're professionals.

1401
00:49:51,179 --> 00:49:53,280
We're the best. We're so good at this.

1402
00:49:54,699 --> 00:49:56,320
How long we've been doing it? Right.

1403
00:49:56,699 --> 00:49:58,239
Only ten years. Yeah.

1404
00:49:58,539 --> 00:49:59,039
So

1405
00:50:00,140 --> 00:50:02,079
that was a a windy

1406
00:50:02,539 --> 00:50:05,474
way to talk about the grand experiment Mhmm.

1407
00:50:05,594 --> 00:50:08,414
And how it connects to past and present

1408
00:50:08,554 --> 00:50:09,535
stuff because

1409
00:50:09,994 --> 00:50:11,755
this wasn't, like, a thing that came out

1410
00:50:11,755 --> 00:50:13,755
of nowhere. This we were leading up to

1411
00:50:13,755 --> 00:50:15,355
this. Mhmm. I was doing some of this

1412
00:50:15,355 --> 00:50:17,250
on my own, but then wanting to know

1413
00:50:17,250 --> 00:50:18,449
how it made you feel. And I was

1414
00:50:18,449 --> 00:50:20,130
like, but that's not fair because I haven't

1415
00:50:20,130 --> 00:50:22,130
clued him into what I'm fucking doing. So

1416
00:50:22,130 --> 00:50:24,449
how is he even aware enough to think

1417
00:50:24,449 --> 00:50:25,349
about it. Right?

1418
00:50:25,809 --> 00:50:26,309
But

1419
00:50:26,610 --> 00:50:28,369
in the conversations of telling you what I

1420
00:50:28,369 --> 00:50:29,809
had done in those, you know, go when

1421
00:50:29,809 --> 00:50:31,010
we went to the flea market, when we

1422
00:50:31,010 --> 00:50:33,144
did this, when we did that, something was

1423
00:50:33,144 --> 00:50:36,025
happening because you had that moment where daddy

1424
00:50:36,025 --> 00:50:38,264
Dom's stern voice came out. I don't like

1425
00:50:38,264 --> 00:50:39,244
that voice, but

1426
00:50:39,704 --> 00:50:40,605
I I do respect

1427
00:50:42,264 --> 00:50:44,424
it. And so, you know, you had that

1428
00:50:44,424 --> 00:50:47,289
moment. And then here we are. We sat

1429
00:50:47,289 --> 00:50:48,510
down. We negotiated.

1430
00:50:49,130 --> 00:50:51,210
You were very pleased with yourself when you

1431
00:50:51,210 --> 00:50:53,049
were like, oh, so we'll do slave Kayla.

1432
00:50:53,049 --> 00:50:53,710
I was like

1433
00:50:54,409 --> 00:50:56,750
I mean, y'all, my reaction was so immediate.

1434
00:50:56,809 --> 00:50:58,589
It was. I was like,

1435
00:50:59,289 --> 00:51:01,184
you know, when I when I talk to

1436
00:51:01,184 --> 00:51:03,025
y'all about figuring out your limits, and I'm

1437
00:51:03,025 --> 00:51:05,425
like, sometimes you just know, it was like

1438
00:51:05,505 --> 00:51:07,505
it was a knowing. I was like it

1439
00:51:07,505 --> 00:51:10,085
was not a never because as an experiment,

1440
00:51:10,144 --> 00:51:11,825
I would try it. Mhmm. But it was

1441
00:51:11,825 --> 00:51:13,425
a knowing that, no. I'm not ready for

1442
00:51:13,425 --> 00:51:15,000
that. Yeah. And we're not there yet.

1443
00:51:17,159 --> 00:51:17,659
So

1444
00:51:18,440 --> 00:51:20,679
so all of those things are intertwined because

1445
00:51:20,679 --> 00:51:22,599
it all leads to what we did. And

1446
00:51:22,599 --> 00:51:23,500
what we did,

1447
00:51:23,800 --> 00:51:26,599
I recognize, will sound very slight and small

1448
00:51:26,599 --> 00:51:28,300
and like it wasn't a lot,

1449
00:51:28,599 --> 00:51:31,784
but it was outside of our current, air

1450
00:51:31,784 --> 00:51:33,644
quote, normal behavior even though

1451
00:51:33,945 --> 00:51:34,684
I think

1452
00:51:35,065 --> 00:51:36,844
we would both like to be

1453
00:51:37,224 --> 00:51:39,005
more like we were this weekend

1454
00:51:39,545 --> 00:51:41,464
while we were in in the experiment Mhmm.

1455
00:51:41,545 --> 00:51:43,065
Than we have been because what we have

1456
00:51:43,065 --> 00:51:43,724
been is,

1457
00:51:44,264 --> 00:51:45,324
from my perspective,

1458
00:51:45,730 --> 00:51:48,150
so loose and relaxed that I

1459
00:51:48,769 --> 00:51:50,390
I let my anxiety

1460
00:51:51,570 --> 00:51:52,070
override

1461
00:51:53,090 --> 00:51:54,390
my submissive nature.

1462
00:51:55,809 --> 00:51:56,309
You

1463
00:51:56,849 --> 00:51:58,485
get frustrated with it,

1464
00:51:58,965 --> 00:52:02,164
but don't allow your dumb self to take

1465
00:52:02,164 --> 00:52:04,965
care of it. Mhmm. It's it's the the

1466
00:52:04,965 --> 00:52:08,325
frazzled, frustrated, stressed man who's like, I know,

1467
00:52:08,325 --> 00:52:10,164
woman. Stop being crazy. Right? Like

1468
00:52:12,485 --> 00:52:14,105
and so I think

1469
00:52:14,610 --> 00:52:16,130
it's safe to say we would want more

1470
00:52:16,130 --> 00:52:17,650
of what we had in the experiment. That's

1471
00:52:17,650 --> 00:52:19,329
kind of what we'd like to get back

1472
00:52:19,329 --> 00:52:20,530
to, but it was

1473
00:52:21,890 --> 00:52:24,070
it to me, it's proof of concept

1474
00:52:24,690 --> 00:52:26,230
of trying things small

1475
00:52:26,610 --> 00:52:28,150
in a very narrow parameter

1476
00:52:29,244 --> 00:52:29,905
at first,

1477
00:52:30,684 --> 00:52:32,605
there's a lot of information in that and

1478
00:52:32,605 --> 00:52:34,605
that is enough to get you started. Because

1479
00:52:34,605 --> 00:52:37,005
that was an from that we're talking about

1480
00:52:37,005 --> 00:52:38,605
all kinds of stuff and we're relating it

1481
00:52:38,605 --> 00:52:39,885
to all kinds of stuff and we are

1482
00:52:39,885 --> 00:52:43,150
aware of past behaviors and past feelings and

1483
00:52:43,150 --> 00:52:44,989
how it all connects, and here we are.

1484
00:52:44,989 --> 00:52:45,889
And I think

1485
00:52:46,190 --> 00:52:48,590
the is it fair to say that the

1486
00:52:48,590 --> 00:52:50,210
outcome of this experiment is

1487
00:52:50,510 --> 00:52:52,190
we would like to do this more often

1488
00:52:52,190 --> 00:52:54,109
and not as an experiment. Would that be

1489
00:52:54,269 --> 00:52:54,769
Absolutely.

1490
00:52:56,190 --> 00:52:56,269
So

1491
00:52:57,125 --> 00:52:58,804
now I have to say, I can't be

1492
00:52:58,804 --> 00:52:59,304
quiet

1493
00:52:59,605 --> 00:53:01,864
on every outing. I've got too many thoughts.

1494
00:53:01,924 --> 00:53:03,704
They will come I also think I'm funny.

1495
00:53:03,844 --> 00:53:04,344
So

1496
00:53:05,924 --> 00:53:06,424
but

1497
00:53:06,964 --> 00:53:08,344
am I willing

1498
00:53:09,204 --> 00:53:10,025
to practice

1499
00:53:11,039 --> 00:53:11,860
that mindfulness

1500
00:53:12,160 --> 00:53:14,320
of Mhmm. I know that I have the

1501
00:53:14,320 --> 00:53:16,719
freedom to say what I gotta say, but

1502
00:53:16,719 --> 00:53:18,340
I don't always need to.

1503
00:53:18,640 --> 00:53:19,860
I can just

1504
00:53:20,320 --> 00:53:21,940
sit back and let you

1505
00:53:22,480 --> 00:53:24,019
just be in charge.

1506
00:53:24,844 --> 00:53:26,844
You know? I mean, I I I will

1507
00:53:26,844 --> 00:53:27,904
say this. Aside

1508
00:53:30,204 --> 00:53:30,704
from,

1509
00:53:33,244 --> 00:53:35,344
you know, the the feeling of empowerment

1510
00:53:35,724 --> 00:53:38,224
Mhmm. From this as as a big d,

1511
00:53:43,429 --> 00:53:44,070
I I in

1512
00:53:45,910 --> 00:53:47,050
I liked it.

1513
00:53:47,750 --> 00:53:49,289
I enjoyed it. Mhmm.

1514
00:53:52,390 --> 00:53:54,170
Definitely wanna do it again.

1515
00:53:54,734 --> 00:53:56,094
Do you want it to become our new

1516
00:53:56,094 --> 00:53:58,815
normal when we're out? And in that form,

1517
00:53:58,815 --> 00:54:00,494
or do you wanna go deeper into the

1518
00:54:00,494 --> 00:54:02,815
experiments before we decide? I think I'd like

1519
00:54:02,815 --> 00:54:04,894
to go deeper. Mhmm. I mean, what you

1520
00:54:04,894 --> 00:54:06,894
know, like I was saying before the, you

1521
00:54:06,894 --> 00:54:07,394
know,

1522
00:54:07,760 --> 00:54:09,859
aside from feeling the empowerment too,

1523
00:54:11,760 --> 00:54:13,059
it forced me

1524
00:54:13,679 --> 00:54:14,819
into the mindfulness.

1525
00:54:15,199 --> 00:54:15,699
Mhmm.

1526
00:54:16,000 --> 00:54:17,539
It it made me be

1527
00:54:18,159 --> 00:54:20,239
aware of the moment and things and what

1528
00:54:20,239 --> 00:54:22,474
was going on. Mhmm. And and I like

1529
00:54:22,474 --> 00:54:24,815
that because I have not been that way.

1530
00:54:24,875 --> 00:54:26,094
No. We've no.

1531
00:54:26,474 --> 00:54:28,155
Neither of us have been. You know, with

1532
00:54:28,155 --> 00:54:30,155
with with life as it had been, I

1533
00:54:30,155 --> 00:54:32,335
had not been that way. And it felt

1534
00:54:32,635 --> 00:54:34,894
damn good. Was it a little bit like,

1535
00:54:36,680 --> 00:54:37,340
a break

1536
00:54:38,360 --> 00:54:38,940
from our,

1537
00:54:39,640 --> 00:54:41,239
air quote, new normal that we didn't we

1538
00:54:41,239 --> 00:54:43,239
didn't wanna have, but we just had found

1539
00:54:43,239 --> 00:54:43,739
ourselves

1540
00:54:44,039 --> 00:54:45,640
there? Was it a was it a break

1541
00:54:45,640 --> 00:54:48,039
from it? Was it a vacation from it?

1542
00:54:48,039 --> 00:54:49,480
Was it like, how

1543
00:54:52,144 --> 00:54:53,925
It was like a breath of fresh air.

1544
00:54:54,545 --> 00:54:56,005
K? Mhmm. Mhmm.

1545
00:54:56,385 --> 00:54:56,885
K.

1546
00:54:57,425 --> 00:54:57,925
I

1547
00:54:59,585 --> 00:55:01,184
think I feel the same way. I ended

1548
00:55:01,184 --> 00:55:02,464
up by the end of the first day

1549
00:55:02,464 --> 00:55:04,065
Saturday, I ended up with such a bad

1550
00:55:04,065 --> 00:55:04,530
headache

1551
00:55:04,929 --> 00:55:06,929
that I couldn't function once we got home.

1552
00:55:06,929 --> 00:55:07,829
It took a while.

1553
00:55:08,610 --> 00:55:09,590
So I remember

1554
00:55:10,929 --> 00:55:12,289
much of it, but by the end, I

1555
00:55:12,289 --> 00:55:13,349
didn't get the

1556
00:55:13,730 --> 00:55:15,750
opportunity to, like, sit with my feelings.

1557
00:55:16,210 --> 00:55:17,989
I know that it felt

1558
00:55:18,635 --> 00:55:21,994
like exercising an old muscle. Mhmm. So Yep.

1559
00:55:22,155 --> 00:55:24,335
There were these points of, like, I guess,

1560
00:55:24,554 --> 00:55:26,315
to keep the analogy, there was some soreness.

1561
00:55:26,315 --> 00:55:27,855
And for me, it was like, uh-oh.

1562
00:55:28,234 --> 00:55:29,755
Am I gonna remember, like, how do I

1563
00:55:29,755 --> 00:55:32,474
navigate this? Right? I'm completely with you on

1564
00:55:32,474 --> 00:55:33,054
the mindfulness

1565
00:55:34,029 --> 00:55:36,190
because it was purposeful and intentional. I had

1566
00:55:36,190 --> 00:55:37,089
to think about

1567
00:55:37,389 --> 00:55:38,829
my role and who I was and what

1568
00:55:38,829 --> 00:55:39,650
we were doing.

1569
00:55:39,949 --> 00:55:40,449
And

1570
00:55:41,389 --> 00:55:43,409
And it makes you think about every action

1571
00:55:43,469 --> 00:55:45,069
that you take too. Oh my god. Being

1572
00:55:45,069 --> 00:55:48,049
aware of, like, absolutely everything in it. And

1573
00:55:48,295 --> 00:55:49,974
a breath of fresh air is I think

1574
00:55:49,974 --> 00:55:51,894
I agree with that. I think I had

1575
00:55:51,894 --> 00:55:53,195
a similar thing because

1576
00:55:54,614 --> 00:55:54,775
in

1577
00:55:55,494 --> 00:55:56,235
I worried

1578
00:55:56,614 --> 00:55:58,775
I worried that I would forget shit and

1579
00:55:58,775 --> 00:56:00,695
I would fuck it up, like, a lack

1580
00:56:00,695 --> 00:56:01,514
of confidence.

1581
00:56:02,295 --> 00:56:04,110
And what I found even as I

1582
00:56:04,989 --> 00:56:07,230
felt yuckier and yuckier as the first day

1583
00:56:07,230 --> 00:56:08,849
went on, a Saturday went on,

1584
00:56:10,910 --> 00:56:13,390
it was not as hard as I feared

1585
00:56:13,390 --> 00:56:14,369
it would be. And

1586
00:56:14,670 --> 00:56:15,170
that

1587
00:56:16,590 --> 00:56:18,735
feeling of it it's not

1588
00:56:19,695 --> 00:56:20,595
truly natural

1589
00:56:21,775 --> 00:56:24,035
because, given my druthers and under stress,

1590
00:56:24,494 --> 00:56:25,315
I resort

1591
00:56:26,655 --> 00:56:28,494
to a lot of words and a lot

1592
00:56:28,494 --> 00:56:30,035
of questions and a lot of anxiety.

1593
00:56:30,575 --> 00:56:33,089
But natural enough because it's how I want

1594
00:56:33,089 --> 00:56:34,449
to be with you and how we used

1595
00:56:34,449 --> 00:56:36,690
to be. And I think I think that

1596
00:56:36,690 --> 00:56:39,510
naturalness is, that were it was remembering

1597
00:56:40,690 --> 00:56:42,210
this is what it used to feel like.

1598
00:56:42,210 --> 00:56:43,589
You know? Because

1599
00:56:45,409 --> 00:56:47,795
I knew you were you were focusing on

1600
00:56:47,795 --> 00:56:50,114
the dynamic and the moment and us, but

1601
00:56:50,114 --> 00:56:51,815
that meant you were focusing on

1602
00:56:52,674 --> 00:56:53,894
me. Mhmm.

1603
00:56:55,234 --> 00:56:55,734
And

1604
00:56:56,434 --> 00:56:56,934
that

1605
00:56:57,234 --> 00:56:58,454
makes me feel

1606
00:56:58,835 --> 00:56:59,335
special

1607
00:57:00,219 --> 00:57:01,119
and cared for

1608
00:57:01,579 --> 00:57:02,480
and cherished.

1609
00:57:03,019 --> 00:57:04,460
And those are some of the feelings that

1610
00:57:04,460 --> 00:57:06,699
I'm seeking as a submissive. Yes. I want

1611
00:57:06,699 --> 00:57:07,820
to serve and I want to make you

1612
00:57:07,820 --> 00:57:10,300
happy and I, you know, I want to

1613
00:57:10,300 --> 00:57:11,994
please you. Like, there's all of that. But

1614
00:57:11,994 --> 00:57:14,014
I also want to be

1615
00:57:15,034 --> 00:57:15,855
your focus

1616
00:57:16,714 --> 00:57:18,714
at times. Right? Like, I'm I'm a grown

1617
00:57:18,714 --> 00:57:20,155
up. I know I can't be your focus

1618
00:57:20,155 --> 00:57:22,255
a % of the time. That's not realistic.

1619
00:57:22,795 --> 00:57:23,295
But

1620
00:57:23,755 --> 00:57:25,514
we had gone from the way it used

1621
00:57:25,514 --> 00:57:27,150
to be where there would be so sometimes

1622
00:57:27,150 --> 00:57:28,510
it would be specific times. We knew we

1623
00:57:28,510 --> 00:57:30,030
were going out. We knew we were just

1624
00:57:30,030 --> 00:57:32,269
spending time one on one together, and we

1625
00:57:32,269 --> 00:57:33,789
were each other we were focused on each

1626
00:57:33,789 --> 00:57:36,269
other. And then life shifted, and we had

1627
00:57:36,269 --> 00:57:38,750
to focus on all these external things. And

1628
00:57:38,750 --> 00:57:40,349
then that became our new normal. And even

1629
00:57:40,349 --> 00:57:41,710
though we didn't really like it, I don't

1630
00:57:41,710 --> 00:57:42,690
think we understood

1631
00:57:43,335 --> 00:57:45,014
why we were feeling the disconnect. We were

1632
00:57:45,014 --> 00:57:46,695
just like, oh, we can't do kink things

1633
00:57:46,695 --> 00:57:48,295
and we can't do power exchange things. We

1634
00:57:48,295 --> 00:57:49,675
just don't have the time and energy.

1635
00:57:50,054 --> 00:57:51,514
But I for me,

1636
00:57:51,894 --> 00:57:54,614
what I'm realizing is it wasn't it was

1637
00:57:54,614 --> 00:57:55,755
never about the activity.

1638
00:57:56,360 --> 00:57:58,119
It was never even about the rules. It

1639
00:57:58,119 --> 00:57:58,860
was about

1640
00:57:59,880 --> 00:58:00,920
feeling like

1641
00:58:01,480 --> 00:58:02,460
Feeling a way.

1642
00:58:03,880 --> 00:58:05,739
Feeling what? Feeling a way.

1643
00:58:06,119 --> 00:58:08,679
Yeah. But a very specific way. That's not

1644
00:58:09,400 --> 00:58:09,900
Feeling

1645
00:58:10,840 --> 00:58:11,500
like I

1646
00:58:12,275 --> 00:58:14,454
like I was the center of your world

1647
00:58:15,075 --> 00:58:16,515
and that you are the center of mine

1648
00:58:16,515 --> 00:58:18,515
because it is it is true, especially when

1649
00:58:18,515 --> 00:58:20,675
we're in our DSL. It's like deep deep

1650
00:58:20,675 --> 00:58:23,175
in it because you are focusing on me

1651
00:58:23,315 --> 00:58:24,675
to make sure I'm, you know, doing the

1652
00:58:24,675 --> 00:58:26,594
thing I'm supposed to do, to make sure

1653
00:58:26,594 --> 00:58:28,029
that, you know, my behavior is on point,

1654
00:58:28,029 --> 00:58:29,469
whatever it is you're looking for. And you

1655
00:58:29,469 --> 00:58:31,489
are the center of mind because I'm like,

1656
00:58:31,549 --> 00:58:32,909
is he happy with me? Am I doing

1657
00:58:32,909 --> 00:58:34,269
the thing? I need to ask him a

1658
00:58:34,269 --> 00:58:36,929
question. He's the decider and all thing. Like

1659
00:58:38,429 --> 00:58:40,429
yeah. And I I feel like this past

1660
00:58:40,429 --> 00:58:40,929
weekend

1661
00:58:41,309 --> 00:58:41,809
gave

1662
00:58:43,184 --> 00:58:45,364
me a taste a a

1663
00:58:45,744 --> 00:58:47,825
deep taste of what that used to feel

1664
00:58:47,825 --> 00:58:50,305
like. And now I know what I was

1665
00:58:50,305 --> 00:58:50,805
missing.

1666
00:58:51,825 --> 00:58:53,285
And I feel like

1667
00:58:54,224 --> 00:58:56,239
I can even point back to

1668
00:58:56,940 --> 00:58:58,320
times when we were

1669
00:58:59,340 --> 00:59:01,820
miscommunicating with one another, when we weren't. We

1670
00:59:01,820 --> 00:59:04,539
were saying the same thing, but somehow still

1671
00:59:04,539 --> 00:59:05,599
mad at one another.

1672
00:59:06,380 --> 00:59:08,619
And I I think part of that was

1673
00:59:08,619 --> 00:59:11,119
I don't think we were feeling seen in

1674
00:59:11,735 --> 00:59:12,635
by the other

1675
00:59:13,015 --> 00:59:14,695
in the way that we are when we're

1676
00:59:14,695 --> 00:59:16,454
deep in our power of change. I I

1677
00:59:16,454 --> 00:59:18,375
agree with that. And there used to be

1678
00:59:18,375 --> 00:59:19,735
a time when this was just sort of

1679
00:59:19,735 --> 00:59:20,715
natural Right.

1680
00:59:21,215 --> 00:59:21,715
It's

1681
00:59:22,215 --> 00:59:23,735
not is it natural? I don't know. No.

1682
00:59:23,735 --> 00:59:23,828
No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

1683
00:59:23,828 --> 00:59:23,856
No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

1684
00:59:23,856 --> 00:59:23,884
No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

1685
00:59:23,884 --> 00:59:24,614
No. No. No. No. No. Debate. But for

1686
00:59:24,614 --> 00:59:24,989
us, it

1687
00:59:39,195 --> 00:59:41,355
Well, that's just how we interacted because that's

1688
00:59:41,355 --> 00:59:43,275
how we got to experience our power exchange

1689
00:59:43,275 --> 00:59:45,914
because we you know, people can see us

1690
00:59:45,914 --> 00:59:47,114
and we don't want them to know what

1691
00:59:47,114 --> 00:59:48,635
we're doing. So that's how we part of

1692
00:59:48,635 --> 00:59:49,614
how we did it.

1693
00:59:49,994 --> 00:59:50,494
And

1694
00:59:52,569 --> 00:59:53,549
that feels like

1695
00:59:53,849 --> 00:59:56,670
this is gonna sound very trite. I whatever.

1696
00:59:56,730 --> 00:59:58,510
It feels like coming home again.

1697
01:00:00,089 --> 01:00:00,989
Yeah. Yeah.

1698
01:00:01,530 --> 01:00:02,030
Yeah.

1699
01:00:02,969 --> 01:00:04,750
And so I'm glad we did the experiment.

1700
01:00:05,625 --> 01:00:06,125
Same.

1701
01:00:06,505 --> 01:00:07,164
Mhmm. Mhmm.

1702
01:00:08,105 --> 01:00:08,605
Same.

1703
01:00:09,945 --> 01:00:12,125
You know, for science. For science.

1704
01:00:12,985 --> 01:00:15,545
Science purposes only. Yeah. Right. You know, the

1705
01:00:15,545 --> 01:00:17,730
next conversation to have, which we might have

1706
01:00:17,730 --> 01:00:20,210
when we are planning our next, like, deeper

1707
01:00:20,210 --> 01:00:22,150
experiment is Mhmm. How much of this

1708
01:00:22,449 --> 01:00:22,949
do

1709
01:00:23,329 --> 01:00:24,210
I'm not saying we have to have the

1710
01:00:24,210 --> 01:00:26,690
conversation now, but Yeah. The next conversation is

1711
01:00:26,690 --> 01:00:28,690
how much of just that little experiment do

1712
01:00:28,690 --> 01:00:30,550
we keep going forward,

1713
01:00:31,284 --> 01:00:33,204
you know, and then add to it as

1714
01:00:33,204 --> 01:00:35,525
we try these new things. And I'm calling

1715
01:00:35,525 --> 01:00:37,605
them experiments because we do it, and then

1716
01:00:37,605 --> 01:00:39,844
it becomes content. So it's an experiment. Yep.

1717
01:00:39,844 --> 01:00:42,405
But, you know, if we were not doing

1718
01:00:42,405 --> 01:00:44,005
this weird thing on the Internet, it would

1719
01:00:44,005 --> 01:00:46,244
just be a thing you try. Right? And

1720
01:00:46,244 --> 01:00:47,449
then Yeah.

1721
01:00:47,929 --> 01:00:48,010
You,

1722
01:00:49,449 --> 01:00:51,289
come back to another, have the conversation and

1723
01:00:51,289 --> 01:00:52,409
go, okay. What do we keep? What do

1724
01:00:52,409 --> 01:00:54,650
we not? Right? For us, it's like, okay.

1725
01:00:54,650 --> 01:00:56,489
We'll take this deeper and deeper. But I

1726
01:00:56,489 --> 01:00:58,730
think as we're going, we'll pull the things

1727
01:00:58,730 --> 01:01:00,855
that we know are like, yeah. This this

1728
01:01:00,855 --> 01:01:01,815
is a thing. You know? And I and

1729
01:01:01,815 --> 01:01:03,494
I think it's like anything else that, you

1730
01:01:03,494 --> 01:01:05,094
know, as we as we move forward with

1731
01:01:05,094 --> 01:01:06,954
this, yeah. We're gonna find things that,

1732
01:01:07,574 --> 01:01:09,574
you know, oh, I really like this. We

1733
01:01:09,574 --> 01:01:11,574
need to keep doing this and, you know,

1734
01:01:11,574 --> 01:01:12,269
and all that.

1735
01:01:13,309 --> 01:01:15,309
Push it to the side. Or that that's

1736
01:01:15,309 --> 01:01:17,150
just, like, that's a party trick. We can't

1737
01:01:17,150 --> 01:01:18,269
do that all the time. Yeah. We do

1738
01:01:18,269 --> 01:01:19,650
that some of the time. Right.

1739
01:01:20,829 --> 01:01:22,989
Like, expecting me to be quiet on every

1740
01:01:22,989 --> 01:01:25,090
car ride, don't. Don't do that to yourself.

1741
01:01:25,550 --> 01:01:26,849
I I know that. I've been

1742
01:01:27,454 --> 01:01:28,735
mm-mm. No. Well and I

1743
01:01:30,094 --> 01:01:32,015
you'll correct me if I'm wrong so I

1744
01:01:32,015 --> 01:01:33,715
don't have to ask you to do it.

1745
01:01:34,175 --> 01:01:36,494
I think part of the draw in our

1746
01:01:36,494 --> 01:01:38,574
attraction to one another is you do think

1747
01:01:38,815 --> 01:01:40,559
you do like for me to, like, tell

1748
01:01:40,559 --> 01:01:42,480
you what I'm thinking and to hear my

1749
01:01:42,480 --> 01:01:44,960
thoughts and to share my inner world with

1750
01:01:44,960 --> 01:01:46,880
you. I have no doubt you'd like me

1751
01:01:46,880 --> 01:01:48,559
to do that a little less and at

1752
01:01:48,559 --> 01:01:50,640
a lower volume. You know? But it's it's

1753
01:01:50,640 --> 01:01:52,340
funny because, yes, you know,

1754
01:01:53,200 --> 01:01:54,960
if you all haven't noticed, if you're new

1755
01:01:54,960 --> 01:01:56,474
here, I'm the quiet

1756
01:01:57,094 --> 01:01:57,594
one.

1757
01:01:58,135 --> 01:01:59,914
Yeah. We just recorded something

1758
01:02:00,454 --> 01:02:02,214
that, we'll talk more about in a couple

1759
01:02:02,214 --> 01:02:02,534
weeks,

1760
01:02:03,255 --> 01:02:05,815
that is for not just y'all, but people

1761
01:02:05,815 --> 01:02:07,655
who don't actually know us. And I already

1762
01:02:07,655 --> 01:02:09,630
know the comments are gonna be like, she

1763
01:02:09,630 --> 01:02:11,789
sure does talk a lot. Yeah. Who's the

1764
01:02:11,789 --> 01:02:13,569
dominant here? Who's the submissive?

1765
01:02:14,029 --> 01:02:14,909
I know. Yeah.

1766
01:02:16,190 --> 01:02:18,049
I'm a lot a lot more unapologetic

1767
01:02:18,429 --> 01:02:20,929
about that. Yeah. But I also get where

1768
01:02:21,549 --> 01:02:23,710
I can see it now because we have

1769
01:02:23,710 --> 01:02:24,554
the direct comparison.

1770
01:02:26,554 --> 01:02:29,594
Lot of I'm not just sharing inner world,

1771
01:02:29,594 --> 01:02:32,394
inner thoughts, my personality, making you laugh. Yeah.

1772
01:02:32,394 --> 01:02:33,214
But, also,

1773
01:02:33,675 --> 01:02:35,855
because you're the safest person I know,

1774
01:02:36,315 --> 01:02:38,155
you're getting all of my anxieties. But they

1775
01:02:38,155 --> 01:02:40,550
don't come out as, daddy, I'm really worried

1776
01:02:40,550 --> 01:02:42,390
about this thing. They come out as, why

1777
01:02:42,390 --> 01:02:44,329
are you driving like that?

1778
01:02:48,550 --> 01:02:49,530
And, you know,

1779
01:02:49,989 --> 01:02:51,690
I can what I like is

1780
01:02:52,070 --> 01:02:54,784
kind of having this conversation specifically. Yeah. But

1781
01:02:54,784 --> 01:02:56,065
being on the other side of, like, having

1782
01:02:56,065 --> 01:02:57,364
a moment where I just

1783
01:02:57,905 --> 01:02:59,844
intentionally did not do that,

1784
01:03:00,224 --> 01:03:01,585
I can see it. I can see it

1785
01:03:01,585 --> 01:03:03,344
for what it is. In the moment, I'm

1786
01:03:03,344 --> 01:03:05,280
just, like, I'm just just trying to navigate

1787
01:03:05,280 --> 01:03:06,719
life. I'm trying to make sure everybody has

1788
01:03:06,719 --> 01:03:08,000
everything that they need, and I'm trying to

1789
01:03:08,000 --> 01:03:09,280
make sure my daddy can never make a

1790
01:03:09,280 --> 01:03:11,519
mistake ever because that is somehow the worst

1791
01:03:11,519 --> 01:03:14,180
thing ever. It's not. It's not.

1792
01:03:15,199 --> 01:03:16,340
But that's all anxiety,

1793
01:03:16,800 --> 01:03:18,739
and it's easier to see now.

1794
01:03:20,175 --> 01:03:22,575
I think you see it now, but I'm

1795
01:03:22,735 --> 01:03:25,695
that doesn't change that it's probably exhaust it's

1796
01:03:25,695 --> 01:03:27,474
exhausting for me to feel it, so

1797
01:03:28,094 --> 01:03:30,015
I can only imagine what it's like to

1798
01:03:30,015 --> 01:03:31,875
experience it full force.

1799
01:03:33,614 --> 01:03:36,469
Gale force wins of my anxiety.

1800
01:03:36,769 --> 01:03:37,269
No.

1801
01:03:37,650 --> 01:03:39,349
No. I wouldn't wish that on anybody.

1802
01:03:39,730 --> 01:03:41,110
I'm so glad you love me.

1803
01:03:42,050 --> 01:03:44,210
And if I ever doubted it I did

1804
01:03:44,210 --> 01:03:46,210
it to myself. You really did. You did

1805
01:03:46,210 --> 01:03:48,389
it to myself. Yeah. I do walk around

1806
01:03:48,449 --> 01:03:50,769
reminding him when he gets in a funny

1807
01:03:50,769 --> 01:03:51,805
way, like a jokey

1808
01:03:52,184 --> 01:03:52,925
way, about

1809
01:03:53,545 --> 01:03:56,184
whatever, some some trait of mine. I'm sure

1810
01:03:56,184 --> 01:03:58,345
you pick one. It's not one of me

1811
01:03:58,345 --> 01:03:59,945
that you go, well, that's a little much.

1812
01:03:59,945 --> 01:04:02,345
That one. Whatever. I just remember. I just

1813
01:04:02,425 --> 01:04:04,105
no. Not remember. I just remind him Yeah.

1814
01:04:04,184 --> 01:04:05,500
You chose this. This. I've

1815
01:04:06,220 --> 01:04:08,480
there was never false advertising here.

1816
01:04:10,619 --> 01:04:12,079
Before he said I do,

1817
01:04:13,340 --> 01:04:14,480
I was like this.

1818
01:04:16,780 --> 01:04:18,220
That's what you get for being a safe

1819
01:04:18,220 --> 01:04:19,840
person. I don't know what to tell you.

1820
01:04:20,644 --> 01:04:22,804
You did that to yourself too. I did.

1821
01:04:22,804 --> 01:04:23,545
I did.

1822
01:04:24,804 --> 01:04:26,744
So, yeah, that was the

1823
01:04:27,125 --> 01:04:29,065
the little baby experiment. Mhmm.

1824
01:04:29,444 --> 01:04:31,065
Yeah. And it was cool. It was fun.

1825
01:04:31,125 --> 01:04:33,284
Mhmm. Mhmm. Yeah. Well, we're having a quiet

1826
01:04:33,284 --> 01:04:34,905
weekend this weekend. Yeah.

1827
01:04:35,284 --> 01:04:37,730
So, you know, I'm sure because we're sure

1828
01:04:37,969 --> 01:04:39,590
I think we're slowly, like,

1829
01:04:40,530 --> 01:04:42,849
coming back to certain ways of being that

1830
01:04:42,849 --> 01:04:44,849
we used to have. You know, there's more

1831
01:04:44,849 --> 01:04:46,550
asking. There's more this. There's more that.

1832
01:04:47,010 --> 01:04:48,335
I think some of that will just I

1833
01:04:48,335 --> 01:04:50,174
hate to use the word naturally. Like, it's

1834
01:04:50,174 --> 01:04:52,974
just, you know, it occurs in nature somehow.

1835
01:04:52,974 --> 01:04:54,335
And that's not really it. It is is

1836
01:04:54,335 --> 01:04:56,815
a mindfulness. It's a a changing of patterns

1837
01:04:56,815 --> 01:04:57,474
and behaviors.

1838
01:04:57,934 --> 01:05:00,014
But these are the ones that we got

1839
01:05:00,014 --> 01:05:03,134
into so deeply before that it feels natural

1840
01:05:03,134 --> 01:05:04,640
to be coming back to it. I think

1841
01:05:04,640 --> 01:05:07,039
some of that's probably gonna just kind of

1842
01:05:07,039 --> 01:05:09,920
naturally occur. And then we'll have another big

1843
01:05:09,920 --> 01:05:11,700
weekend of nothing but errands and

1844
01:05:12,320 --> 01:05:14,420
God help us the flea market. Yeah.

1845
01:05:15,440 --> 01:05:17,360
Slight aside to that, that has is not

1846
01:05:17,360 --> 01:05:19,635
about our power exchange, but it's about our

1847
01:05:19,635 --> 01:05:20,934
relationship with one another,

1848
01:05:21,474 --> 01:05:23,335
before you started to understand,

1849
01:05:24,114 --> 01:05:26,054
potentially, how my brain is wired,

1850
01:05:26,675 --> 01:05:28,215
you would get very frustrated

1851
01:05:28,515 --> 01:05:30,594
at me at the way I reacted when

1852
01:05:30,594 --> 01:05:31,639
we would go to a flea market or

1853
01:05:31,639 --> 01:05:32,719
we'd go to a crowd in a mall.

1854
01:05:32,719 --> 01:05:33,920
I I did at that at you know,

1855
01:05:33,920 --> 01:05:36,239
because, yeah, early on, I did not understand.

1856
01:05:36,239 --> 01:05:37,599
Right. And and I'm not saying this is

1857
01:05:37,599 --> 01:05:39,839
a a critique. I'm I'm trying to eventually,

1858
01:05:39,839 --> 01:05:41,380
I'll get to the compliment. Okay.

1859
01:05:41,839 --> 01:05:42,900
But you have

1860
01:05:43,199 --> 01:05:45,440
listened. You have learned. You have paid attention.

1861
01:05:45,440 --> 01:05:48,175
You've gone off and gathered information of your

1862
01:05:48,175 --> 01:05:50,195
own, and now you are

1863
01:05:51,135 --> 01:05:51,855
I I can

1864
01:05:53,054 --> 01:05:55,454
I will go to those places that overwhelm

1865
01:05:55,454 --> 01:05:56,755
me because what you

1866
01:05:57,295 --> 01:05:59,534
started doing without me having to ask for

1867
01:05:59,534 --> 01:06:01,630
it, you just understood it, is you kind

1868
01:06:01,630 --> 01:06:03,809
of you do your best to shield me,

1869
01:06:04,670 --> 01:06:06,690
and you check-in enough to be like,

1870
01:06:07,070 --> 01:06:08,349
is it too much? Can you handle it?

1871
01:06:08,349 --> 01:06:10,030
Can I keep going forward? My favorite is

1872
01:06:10,030 --> 01:06:11,809
just you hold my hand and you, like,

1873
01:06:12,110 --> 01:06:14,365
you'll bump into other people before you let

1874
01:06:14,365 --> 01:06:15,505
them bump into me.

1875
01:06:15,965 --> 01:06:17,724
I mean, has he almost knocked some old

1876
01:06:17,724 --> 01:06:20,545
ladies around? Sure. Was I mad? No.

1877
01:06:20,845 --> 01:06:21,345
No.

1878
01:06:22,445 --> 01:06:22,945
No.

1879
01:06:23,485 --> 01:06:24,605
I mean, I do feel like I have

1880
01:06:24,605 --> 01:06:26,045
to tell you to lower your voice every

1881
01:06:26,045 --> 01:06:28,579
time we walk past a,

1882
01:06:29,279 --> 01:06:30,260
47,

1883
01:06:30,880 --> 01:06:31,380
loving,

1884
01:06:33,839 --> 01:06:35,920
stall where it's all these fucking flags. It's

1885
01:06:35,920 --> 01:06:38,079
like, do you have to fly the flag

1886
01:06:38,079 --> 01:06:39,299
once you've won?

1887
01:06:39,760 --> 01:06:41,474
I I don't think you do.

1888
01:06:42,275 --> 01:06:44,035
I've heard of sore losers. I've never heard

1889
01:06:44,035 --> 01:06:45,715
of sore winners, but here we are. Oh,

1890
01:06:45,715 --> 01:06:46,195
good.

1891
01:06:46,515 --> 01:06:47,875
So he does get a he gets a

1892
01:06:47,875 --> 01:06:48,375
little

1893
01:06:48,835 --> 01:06:50,675
cranky about that, and I'm like, shh. These

1894
01:06:50,675 --> 01:06:51,655
people have guns.

1895
01:06:53,715 --> 01:06:54,389
Watch yourself.

1896
01:06:57,589 --> 01:07:00,309
But other than that, me protecting you in

1897
01:07:00,309 --> 01:07:01,049
that situation,

1898
01:07:01,429 --> 01:07:03,690
you do, like, this really nice, sweet,

1899
01:07:04,150 --> 01:07:05,429
good job of, like

1900
01:07:06,469 --> 01:07:08,389
and yet it's just I'm trying. Is just

1901
01:07:08,389 --> 01:07:09,210
one more

1902
01:07:09,704 --> 01:07:11,085
sign of how we've

1903
01:07:12,105 --> 01:07:13,005
grown together.

1904
01:07:14,425 --> 01:07:15,785
Mhmm. Yeah. Could I keep talking about this?

1905
01:07:15,785 --> 01:07:17,625
Of course I could. Because now I'm, like,

1906
01:07:17,625 --> 01:07:19,885
swimming in my relationship feelings,

1907
01:07:20,505 --> 01:07:21,724
but we can stop.

1908
01:07:22,425 --> 01:07:24,925
We can do a bonus section. Alright.

1909
01:07:25,489 --> 01:07:25,989
So,

1910
01:07:26,369 --> 01:07:28,230
are we good? I don't know.

1911
01:07:29,809 --> 01:07:31,569
Keep it kinky, y'all. I will see you

1912
01:07:31,569 --> 01:07:32,309
next week.

1913
01:07:42,025 --> 01:07:42,525
Daddy.

1914
01:07:44,025 --> 01:07:45,785
Yes, baby girl. Can we talk to the

1915
01:07:45,785 --> 01:07:46,285
crickets?

1916
01:07:47,625 --> 01:07:48,125
Yeah.

1917
01:07:48,985 --> 01:07:51,785
I think I thought you said thank you,

1918
01:07:51,785 --> 01:07:53,500
by the way. I I thought you said

1919
01:07:53,500 --> 01:07:55,420
there was something you were gonna talk about

1920
01:07:55,420 --> 01:07:56,720
in the bonus section.

1921
01:07:57,420 --> 01:07:58,800
In regards to the computer.

1922
01:07:59,099 --> 01:08:00,960
The computer. Okay. Yeah.

1923
01:08:01,579 --> 01:08:02,559
Our our

1924
01:08:03,099 --> 01:08:04,400
quirky little issues.

1925
01:08:05,275 --> 01:08:08,474
Yeah. Well, the issues with recording, the issues

1926
01:08:08,474 --> 01:08:11,034
with video, or the issues with the box

1927
01:08:11,034 --> 01:08:11,534
itself.

1928
01:08:12,474 --> 01:08:12,974
All

1929
01:08:13,594 --> 01:08:15,434
of the above. So All of the above.

1930
01:08:15,434 --> 01:08:16,635
You had said we had we had to

1931
01:08:16,635 --> 01:08:18,154
have, like, a business meeting at some point,

1932
01:08:18,154 --> 01:08:19,614
and we haven't yet, but we will.

1933
01:08:20,869 --> 01:08:23,829
Is it in your mind a possibility or

1934
01:08:23,829 --> 01:08:25,050
a definite that

1935
01:08:25,590 --> 01:08:29,050
our audio recording and our video recording issues

1936
01:08:29,510 --> 01:08:32,229
are linked to a dying box? Not dying,

1937
01:08:32,229 --> 01:08:33,850
but maybe a crowded box.

1938
01:08:34,310 --> 01:08:35,885
I'm talking about the computer that we record

1939
01:08:35,885 --> 01:08:40,545
on. Yes. Crowded. Crowded? Definitely crowded. Gotcha. Yeah.

1940
01:08:41,725 --> 01:08:44,045
You know, folks understand when when we bought

1941
01:08:44,045 --> 01:08:44,704
this machine,

1942
01:08:46,125 --> 01:08:48,204
it was a few years ago, 04/2020. Twenty

1943
01:08:48,204 --> 01:08:49,670
'20 was when we moved in here, cause

1944
01:08:49,670 --> 01:08:51,609
we had a recording space. Right.

1945
01:08:52,149 --> 01:08:52,649
And,

1946
01:08:55,189 --> 01:08:57,529
at that time the computer came with

1947
01:08:58,710 --> 01:08:59,770
a SSD drive,

1948
01:09:00,710 --> 01:09:03,429
which is a a totally digital drive hard

1949
01:09:03,429 --> 01:09:03,929
drive.

1950
01:09:04,469 --> 01:09:05,130
No mechanical

1951
01:09:08,854 --> 01:09:11,494
parts. Downside to those drives are they they,

1952
01:09:11,494 --> 01:09:13,574
in the past, have tend to be rather

1953
01:09:13,574 --> 01:09:14,074
small.

1954
01:09:15,814 --> 01:09:18,554
And we started having problems. I saw that

1955
01:09:20,380 --> 01:09:22,399
the hard drive was filling up.

1956
01:09:23,420 --> 01:09:25,039
And I went through. I uninstalled

1957
01:09:26,060 --> 01:09:28,399
a lot of programs, freed up some space.

1958
01:09:30,539 --> 01:09:31,359
But now,

1959
01:09:32,385 --> 01:09:34,564
Microsoft is determined that this computer

1960
01:09:35,024 --> 01:09:37,764
needs to eventually be brought up to Windows

1961
01:09:37,904 --> 01:09:39,204
11. Mhmm.

1962
01:09:39,585 --> 01:09:40,085
So

1963
01:09:40,944 --> 01:09:43,444
it every week pretty much there have been

1964
01:09:43,505 --> 01:09:45,520
updates Mhmm. To this machine.

1965
01:09:46,460 --> 01:09:49,100
And that little bitty space I freed up

1966
01:09:49,100 --> 01:09:50,079
on the hard drive

1967
01:09:50,460 --> 01:09:53,260
going away. Because of the updates? Yeah. And

1968
01:09:53,260 --> 01:09:54,079
every yeah.

1969
01:09:54,619 --> 01:09:56,859
Yep. And you know, then when you open

1970
01:09:56,859 --> 01:09:57,520
a program,

1971
01:09:58,625 --> 01:10:01,545
the programs, they expand when you open Mhmm.

1972
01:10:01,664 --> 01:10:03,685
And they need space on the hard drive

1973
01:10:03,824 --> 01:10:05,104
to be able to run, and it's not

1974
01:10:05,104 --> 01:10:07,685
there. That's why we're having problems. Gotcha.

1975
01:10:08,064 --> 01:10:11,025
And we this computer is dedicated to just

1976
01:10:11,025 --> 01:10:13,345
recording. Right. We're not using it for other

1977
01:10:13,345 --> 01:10:13,845
purposes.

1978
01:10:14,329 --> 01:10:16,890
Correct. Right. It's just recording. It's hooked up

1979
01:10:16,890 --> 01:10:17,630
to the recording

1980
01:10:18,729 --> 01:10:20,729
equipment, and that's it. That's what it does.

1981
01:10:20,729 --> 01:10:21,229
Mhmm.

1982
01:10:22,170 --> 01:10:24,029
So Nice. Yeah. Yay.

1983
01:10:24,810 --> 01:10:26,649
Is so now I'm thinking, oh, we have

1984
01:10:26,649 --> 01:10:28,704
to buy an an potentially a new computer?

1985
01:10:28,704 --> 01:10:30,385
Not necessarily. Okay. Good. Because I was about

1986
01:10:30,385 --> 01:10:32,744
to do the, the the plug for Patreon.

1987
01:10:32,744 --> 01:10:33,604
I can't.

1988
01:10:34,145 --> 01:10:35,585
Like, yeah. I'll join our Patreon so we

1989
01:10:35,585 --> 01:10:37,125
can buy equipment. Not necessarily.

1990
01:10:37,505 --> 01:10:37,984
So,

1991
01:10:39,185 --> 01:10:40,965
I'll have to see if I can find

1992
01:10:41,345 --> 01:10:41,845
the,

1993
01:10:44,210 --> 01:10:45,590
disk that came with it

1994
01:10:46,130 --> 01:10:47,590
for the operating system

1995
01:10:48,369 --> 01:10:49,829
and see if I can

1996
01:10:50,289 --> 01:10:52,390
upgrade the hard drive. Gotcha.

1997
01:10:53,090 --> 01:10:55,805
If you cannot upgrade the hard drive, should

1998
01:10:55,805 --> 01:10:57,324
I beg people to join our Patreon so

1999
01:10:57,324 --> 01:10:58,765
we can buy a new computer? Is that

2000
01:10:58,765 --> 01:10:59,985
the step? Okay.

2001
01:11:00,364 --> 01:11:01,965
Don't worry. You can ignore it now. We

2002
01:11:01,965 --> 01:11:03,985
were gonna try the cheap way. Alright.

2003
01:11:04,685 --> 01:11:06,945
And I I do joke and kid y'all.

2004
01:11:07,005 --> 01:11:07,505
Yeah.

2005
01:11:07,965 --> 01:11:08,545
I do.

2006
01:11:08,940 --> 01:11:11,820
I have never really felt comfortable going, we're

2007
01:11:11,820 --> 01:11:14,060
really poor. Who will join our Patreon? I

2008
01:11:14,060 --> 01:11:15,680
don't I don't like that vibe.

2009
01:11:16,140 --> 01:11:17,979
I don't like that vibe at all. That

2010
01:11:17,979 --> 01:11:19,900
reminds me of too many YouTubers who get

2011
01:11:19,900 --> 01:11:21,900
on a camera and cry and then end

2012
01:11:21,900 --> 01:11:23,659
it with, but you can buy this. And

2013
01:11:23,659 --> 01:11:25,835
I'm just like, I don't like that.

2014
01:11:26,534 --> 01:11:28,074
I don't like that at all.

2015
01:11:28,454 --> 01:11:30,375
That's not a that doesn't leave a good

2016
01:11:30,375 --> 01:11:32,694
taste in my mouth. No. No. So that

2017
01:11:32,774 --> 01:11:34,614
that's kinda where we're at with the box

2018
01:11:34,614 --> 01:11:37,274
and the little quirks we've been having. Mhmm.

2019
01:11:37,494 --> 01:11:39,770
Why and Yeah. So if you're watching on

2020
01:11:39,770 --> 01:11:41,289
video and you're like, I'm really tired of

2021
01:11:41,289 --> 01:11:43,210
there being a delay. We are too, and

2022
01:11:43,210 --> 01:11:45,529
also it's it could be related. And if

2023
01:11:45,529 --> 01:11:47,449
you're listening and you're like, talk about the

2024
01:11:47,449 --> 01:11:50,590
sound, isn't quite the same. We know. Yeah.

2025
01:11:50,649 --> 01:11:52,335
We're working on it. We're working on it.

2026
01:11:52,335 --> 01:11:54,835
Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. So Mhmm.

2027
01:11:55,215 --> 01:11:56,274
So what do you got?

2028
01:11:57,854 --> 01:11:59,934
I just bared my soul on the podcast,

2029
01:11:59,934 --> 01:12:01,314
so I feel kinda empty.

2030
01:12:01,934 --> 01:12:04,974
Okay. I will say that I did have

2031
01:12:04,974 --> 01:12:07,569
to pay the piper of my procrastination

2032
01:12:08,109 --> 01:12:08,850
this week.

2033
01:12:10,109 --> 01:12:12,350
So that super secret, because we'll talk about

2034
01:12:12,350 --> 01:12:14,289
in a couple weeks, video that we did,

2035
01:12:14,909 --> 01:12:16,829
which actually then led to an idea of

2036
01:12:16,829 --> 01:12:18,750
a longer term series we're gonna do later

2037
01:12:18,750 --> 01:12:20,289
in the year. So that's very exciting,

2038
01:12:21,114 --> 01:12:22,954
because I like it when the content ideas

2039
01:12:22,954 --> 01:12:24,255
already exist. Thanks.

2040
01:12:25,835 --> 01:12:26,335
I

2041
01:12:27,114 --> 01:12:28,954
I've known that we needed to do the

2042
01:12:28,954 --> 01:12:30,494
video for, like, a month.

2043
01:12:30,875 --> 01:12:31,375
Yeah.

2044
01:12:32,555 --> 01:12:34,795
I procrastinated on writing the script. That is

2045
01:12:34,795 --> 01:12:36,430
one that I write a script for. We

2046
01:12:36,430 --> 01:12:38,109
don't follow it word for word, but we

2047
01:12:38,109 --> 01:12:41,090
use it as guidance. Bullet points. Yeah. And

2048
01:12:41,149 --> 01:12:42,989
and it helps me if I'm typing it

2049
01:12:42,989 --> 01:12:45,630
out of what I want to convey. Something

2050
01:12:45,630 --> 01:12:46,909
about that will stick in my brain, and

2051
01:12:46,909 --> 01:12:48,050
I can usually remember

2052
01:12:48,350 --> 01:12:50,085
to say it. I don't know what that's

2053
01:12:50,965 --> 01:12:51,944
about. So

2054
01:12:52,885 --> 01:12:54,744
we were supposed to record

2055
01:12:55,204 --> 01:12:57,685
last week, which was already pushing it a

2056
01:12:57,685 --> 01:12:59,284
little bit. We coulda done it two or

2057
01:12:59,284 --> 01:13:00,185
three weeks ago.

2058
01:13:00,725 --> 01:13:02,699
But then things came up, and I think

2059
01:13:02,699 --> 01:13:04,300
I wasn't feeling well. And I think you

2060
01:13:04,300 --> 01:13:06,699
had a moment and just My my my

2061
01:13:06,699 --> 01:13:09,039
lower back was acting up a bit. Yeah.

2062
01:13:09,100 --> 01:13:10,860
And then we were gonna record this past

2063
01:13:10,860 --> 01:13:12,539
Saturday, but that's the day I got my

2064
01:13:12,539 --> 01:13:13,979
my headache from hell that

2065
01:13:14,699 --> 01:13:15,979
I don't know I don't know what caused

2066
01:13:15,979 --> 01:13:18,005
it. I just maybe I do. I don't

2067
01:13:18,005 --> 01:13:19,685
know. So we're like, no. We won't do

2068
01:13:19,685 --> 01:13:21,845
it then. So then Sunday, because it was

2069
01:13:21,845 --> 01:13:22,744
due Monday,

2070
01:13:23,204 --> 01:13:25,225
and I had to edit the fucking thing.

2071
01:13:26,085 --> 01:13:28,164
So Sunday, we recorded, and I was like,

2072
01:13:28,164 --> 01:13:30,324
I should start editing today. That would be

2073
01:13:30,324 --> 01:13:32,699
the smart thing. I did not edit on

2074
01:13:32,699 --> 01:13:35,520
Sunday for something that was due on Monday.

2075
01:13:36,380 --> 01:13:37,680
And this is a thing

2076
01:13:38,060 --> 01:13:38,560
where

2077
01:13:40,060 --> 01:13:42,220
I have to do heavy fucking edits because

2078
01:13:42,220 --> 01:13:43,920
we have a time limit for it.

2079
01:13:44,619 --> 01:13:46,399
We talked for forty seven minutes.

2080
01:13:47,224 --> 01:13:48,684
I got it down somehow

2081
01:13:48,984 --> 01:13:51,645
to twenty nine minutes and fifty two seconds,

2082
01:13:52,744 --> 01:13:54,925
but it took four rounds of editing

2083
01:13:55,625 --> 01:13:57,784
to to get there. And that's all and

2084
01:13:57,784 --> 01:13:59,564
I was doing that all on Monday.

2085
01:13:59,944 --> 01:14:02,039
And then and then as I'm ready

2086
01:14:02,520 --> 01:14:04,600
to export the video so it can be

2087
01:14:04,600 --> 01:14:06,119
uploaded and sent in like it needs to

2088
01:14:06,119 --> 01:14:07,579
be and blah blah blah blah,

2089
01:14:08,039 --> 01:14:08,780
my computer

2090
01:14:09,399 --> 01:14:09,899
crashed

2091
01:14:10,760 --> 01:14:11,260
twice.

2092
01:14:12,840 --> 01:14:13,340
Twice.

2093
01:14:14,534 --> 01:14:17,255
The program the editing program crashed first and

2094
01:14:17,255 --> 01:14:19,015
just got stuck, and then everything in my

2095
01:14:19,015 --> 01:14:21,335
computer got stuck. And then I tried to

2096
01:14:21,335 --> 01:14:22,774
do I tried to do a restart and

2097
01:14:22,774 --> 01:14:24,534
it kinda started restarting, and then it didn't,

2098
01:14:24,534 --> 01:14:25,975
and then it crashed again. And so then

2099
01:14:25,975 --> 01:14:27,789
we went through it again, and and it's

2100
01:14:27,789 --> 01:14:29,949
getting later and later on Monday. And I've

2101
01:14:29,949 --> 01:14:32,850
gotten the friendly reminder email to, hey, Kayla.

2102
01:14:33,149 --> 01:14:35,329
Don't forget that's due. And I was like,

2103
01:14:36,270 --> 01:14:38,369
I know. I I did this to myself.

2104
01:14:39,070 --> 01:14:41,975
Now will I remember this for the next

2105
01:14:41,975 --> 01:14:42,475
deadline?

2106
01:14:43,175 --> 01:14:43,675
No.

2107
01:14:44,135 --> 01:14:44,795
I will.

2108
01:14:46,935 --> 01:14:48,074
You know what? You

2109
01:14:48,774 --> 01:14:49,755
giving me parameters

2110
01:14:50,055 --> 01:14:51,914
is so much easier to follow.

2111
01:14:53,255 --> 01:14:55,340
There's there's that not wanting to disappoint you,

2112
01:14:55,340 --> 01:14:57,280
not wanting to get in trouble, feeling submissive.

2113
01:14:57,739 --> 01:15:00,460
Somebody else who's paying me gives me a

2114
01:15:00,460 --> 01:15:03,260
deadline is not as serious to my brain

2115
01:15:03,579 --> 01:15:06,054
Wow. As as my daddy Dom giving me

2116
01:15:06,054 --> 01:15:08,554
a deadline. Wow. Somebody make that make sense.

2117
01:15:09,255 --> 01:15:10,774
So, yeah, that was my Monday. I was

2118
01:15:11,094 --> 01:15:13,494
I didn't finish work till, like, 10:00 because

2119
01:15:13,494 --> 01:15:15,974
it Yeah. The edits were because I knew

2120
01:15:15,974 --> 01:15:17,895
what I needed to do. I've now done

2121
01:15:17,895 --> 01:15:18,635
this before.

2122
01:15:20,135 --> 01:15:21,340
So So I was like, okay. I got

2123
01:15:21,340 --> 01:15:22,780
this. I can edit this. This is fine.

2124
01:15:22,780 --> 01:15:24,539
This is fine. And I was feeling really

2125
01:15:24,539 --> 01:15:27,100
good about these edits, but there were four

2126
01:15:27,100 --> 01:15:28,860
rounds of them to get it tweaked down.

2127
01:15:28,860 --> 01:15:30,640
So I stayed within the time limit,

2128
01:15:31,260 --> 01:15:33,280
and have the whole fucking thing make sense.

2129
01:15:33,579 --> 01:15:34,329
You know?

2130
01:15:36,675 --> 01:15:38,454
But then it took so long

2131
01:15:38,755 --> 01:15:41,954
to export the file Yeah. And then upload

2132
01:15:41,954 --> 01:15:43,635
it. With that. And then And you may

2133
01:15:43,954 --> 01:15:45,094
I sent the very

2134
01:15:45,474 --> 01:15:46,435
10.

2135
01:15:46,435 --> 01:15:47,574
I'm so sorry.

2136
01:15:48,114 --> 01:15:48,774
My computer,

2137
01:15:49,159 --> 01:15:51,640
my editing software, I'm so sorry. But here

2138
01:15:51,640 --> 01:15:52,460
it is now.

2139
01:15:53,000 --> 01:15:53,899
I'm so sorry.

2140
01:15:57,159 --> 01:15:57,640
So

2141
01:15:58,039 --> 01:16:00,359
And I sat with her. You did. Mhmm.

2142
01:16:00,359 --> 01:16:01,020
You did.

2143
01:16:01,640 --> 01:16:03,074
There would have been a good chance that

2144
01:16:03,074 --> 01:16:04,515
that even though I was brain dead by

2145
01:16:04,515 --> 01:16:05,954
the time I got finished that, I kept

2146
01:16:05,954 --> 01:16:08,755
sitting there finding little nitpicky things anyway. You

2147
01:16:08,755 --> 01:16:11,074
do I appreciate that about you. I also

2148
01:16:11,155 --> 01:16:12,854
I think it helps because I feel guilty.

2149
01:16:13,074 --> 01:16:14,914
You'll sit there sometimes when you know I'm

2150
01:16:15,074 --> 01:16:16,994
I gotta work longer, but you don't want

2151
01:16:16,994 --> 01:16:18,534
me to work too fucking long.

2152
01:16:19,130 --> 01:16:19,630
So

2153
01:16:20,010 --> 01:16:21,689
I appreciate it, but also I do feel

2154
01:16:21,689 --> 01:16:22,889
guilty because I'm like, he wants to be

2155
01:16:22,889 --> 01:16:24,809
sitting on the couch doing his thing. I

2156
01:16:24,809 --> 01:16:26,590
best I guess I better wrap up.

2157
01:16:29,369 --> 01:16:30,809
You know I have that kind of effect.

2158
01:16:30,809 --> 01:16:32,809
Using your power for for good instead of

2159
01:16:32,809 --> 01:16:35,484
evil. Yep. Yep. Lola

2160
01:16:36,024 --> 01:16:36,685
is snoring.

2161
01:16:37,064 --> 01:16:39,324
Like, snoring snoring back there.

2162
01:16:40,104 --> 01:16:41,945
I I thought it was hilarious. She was

2163
01:16:41,945 --> 01:16:43,244
on the on the couch

2164
01:16:43,704 --> 01:16:47,164
sleeping this morning, and our Roomba started up.

2165
01:16:47,460 --> 01:16:49,720
And and that thing's noisy. It's an older

2166
01:16:50,340 --> 01:16:52,739
I think we it's not quite 10 years

2167
01:16:52,739 --> 01:16:54,340
old, but could be close to 10 years

2168
01:16:54,340 --> 01:16:56,500
old. Very, very close. Very close to that

2169
01:16:56,500 --> 01:16:57,000
edge.

2170
01:16:57,539 --> 01:17:00,100
You know, I've kept it going. Replace battery,

2171
01:17:00,100 --> 01:17:02,895
replace this, replace that, clean that. Yeah. Yep.

2172
01:17:02,895 --> 01:17:03,395
And,

2173
01:17:04,414 --> 01:17:06,654
but it it it's noisy as it lumbers

2174
01:17:06,654 --> 01:17:07,795
around the house, and

2175
01:17:08,175 --> 01:17:10,814
and she was just there with her eyes

2176
01:17:10,814 --> 01:17:12,574
closed tight. And I knew she was asleep

2177
01:17:12,574 --> 01:17:15,295
because her ears were down. Mhmm. Yeah. She's

2178
01:17:15,295 --> 01:17:17,475
faking it if her ears are up. Yeah.

2179
01:17:17,930 --> 01:17:18,430
And,

2180
01:17:19,050 --> 01:17:20,189
I mean, if she was

2181
01:17:20,570 --> 01:17:23,130
just dead asleep snoring while, you know, the

2182
01:17:23,130 --> 01:17:24,670
Roomba's just running around.

2183
01:17:26,170 --> 01:17:26,670
Yep.

2184
01:17:30,885 --> 01:17:31,385
So

2185
01:17:33,204 --> 01:17:35,684
Katie Rose's body doubling is good. And I

2186
01:17:35,684 --> 01:17:37,284
didn't even think of it in that aspect

2187
01:17:37,284 --> 01:17:39,045
though. No. We think of it specifically for

2188
01:17:39,045 --> 01:17:40,724
the youngest, because that's how he gets school

2189
01:17:40,724 --> 01:17:42,164
work done. There was a I'm not gonna

2190
01:17:42,164 --> 01:17:45,064
go into it because I stayed calm yesterday,

2191
01:17:45,180 --> 01:17:46,460
but I would get mad now. There was

2192
01:17:46,460 --> 01:17:48,140
a little kerfuffle. There was a there was

2193
01:17:48,140 --> 01:17:51,020
a little Kerfuffle. There was yeah. Yeah. So

2194
01:17:51,020 --> 01:17:53,340
he's back on track now, and it requires

2195
01:17:53,340 --> 01:17:55,659
body doubling. It's fine. We'll get it done.

2196
01:17:55,659 --> 01:17:58,320
Yeah. I just I knew that for him.

2197
01:17:58,335 --> 01:18:00,975
Yeah. I can't the oldest, he's a little

2198
01:18:00,975 --> 01:18:02,175
bit like me. I or I guess I

2199
01:18:02,175 --> 01:18:04,015
would say I prefer to be solitary. He

2200
01:18:04,015 --> 01:18:05,614
kinda prefers to be solitary. Like, you don't

2201
01:18:05,614 --> 01:18:07,295
you don't wanna be perceived while he's doing

2202
01:18:07,295 --> 01:18:08,594
shit. Mhmm. But

2203
01:18:09,375 --> 01:18:11,729
at least for finishing up, I guess it

2204
01:18:11,729 --> 01:18:13,729
is body doubling. I just never thought of

2205
01:18:13,729 --> 01:18:15,409
it in terms of bad ass man. When

2206
01:18:15,409 --> 01:18:17,010
I'm by myself and can't feel like I

2207
01:18:17,010 --> 01:18:20,369
can focus, I I don't need or want

2208
01:18:20,369 --> 01:18:22,130
anybody around me. I'm also that person who

2209
01:18:22,130 --> 01:18:23,569
does not like to be perceived when I'm

2210
01:18:23,569 --> 01:18:24,390
folding laundry,

2211
01:18:24,994 --> 01:18:25,494
exercising,

2212
01:18:25,875 --> 01:18:26,375
cleaning.

2213
01:18:26,914 --> 01:18:28,774
I don't know why those specific things.

2214
01:18:29,715 --> 01:18:31,635
But if there's anybody in the room slash

2215
01:18:31,635 --> 01:18:33,555
house, I can't do the thing. I have

2216
01:18:33,555 --> 01:18:36,034
to go where nobody can see me doing

2217
01:18:36,034 --> 01:18:38,449
it. I I don't know why. I just

2218
01:18:38,449 --> 01:18:38,949
know.

2219
01:18:39,810 --> 01:18:41,350
Excuse me. That's a thing.

2220
01:18:42,130 --> 01:18:43,189
But yeah. So,

2221
01:18:45,010 --> 01:18:47,829
nothing major, thankfully. No. No.

2222
01:18:49,649 --> 01:18:50,130
And

2223
01:18:50,529 --> 01:18:52,229
It's all been good. We've just been

2224
01:18:52,534 --> 01:18:55,335
trucking trucking along. Yeah. Which is kinda nice

2225
01:18:55,335 --> 01:18:56,695
to be able to say that. Mhmm. It's,

2226
01:18:56,695 --> 01:18:58,854
you know, a much, calmer life than going,

2227
01:18:58,854 --> 01:18:59,895
oh my god. Let me tell you about

2228
01:18:59,895 --> 01:19:01,515
our this week's dumpster fire.

2229
01:19:02,215 --> 01:19:02,715
Yeah.

2230
01:19:03,095 --> 01:19:03,595
We're,

2231
01:19:04,774 --> 01:19:05,274
we're,

2232
01:19:05,655 --> 01:19:08,329
straddling that line of how do we stay

2233
01:19:08,329 --> 01:19:11,369
informed in today's world Yeah. As things seem

2234
01:19:11,369 --> 01:19:14,170
to burn down around our ears versus how

2235
01:19:14,170 --> 01:19:16,250
to how do we protect our mental health

2236
01:19:16,250 --> 01:19:18,269
enough that we can continue functioning.

2237
01:19:18,569 --> 01:19:20,729
Yeah. It's a fine line and and we

2238
01:19:20,729 --> 01:19:22,694
don't know It is. If we're on it.

2239
01:19:23,014 --> 01:19:24,054
You know, we just,

2240
01:19:25,734 --> 01:19:28,054
adjust as we go. Yeah. We had to

2241
01:19:28,054 --> 01:19:29,734
set I had to set a a boundary

2242
01:19:29,734 --> 01:19:31,734
with JB. I was like, I know you

2243
01:19:31,734 --> 01:19:33,594
wanna talk about all of the outrages

2244
01:19:34,054 --> 01:19:35,034
that are occurring.

2245
01:19:36,170 --> 01:19:37,770
I you can't come to me one by

2246
01:19:37,770 --> 01:19:39,869
one with everyone you discover. I I

2247
01:19:40,569 --> 01:19:42,569
I can't handle it. I said, let's set

2248
01:19:42,569 --> 01:19:44,729
times where we will discuss these things, and

2249
01:19:44,729 --> 01:19:46,889
you'll go, what the fuck? And I'll go,

2250
01:19:46,889 --> 01:19:48,775
I know. And then I'll go, what the

2251
01:19:48,775 --> 01:19:51,095
fuck? And you'll go, yeah. Same. Yeah. And

2252
01:19:51,095 --> 01:19:52,975
we'll we'll talk about it, but we don't

2253
01:19:53,095 --> 01:19:54,935
we won't do it every ten minutes, because

2254
01:19:54,935 --> 01:19:56,395
I can't do it every 10 minutes.

2255
01:19:56,935 --> 01:19:58,395
And and I'm I'm looking

2256
01:19:58,935 --> 01:19:59,914
at other ways,

2257
01:20:00,970 --> 01:20:01,710
you know,

2258
01:20:02,329 --> 01:20:02,989
to handle

2259
01:20:03,609 --> 01:20:04,489
some of this stuff.

2260
01:20:05,050 --> 01:20:06,670
I've started journaling.

2261
01:20:06,970 --> 01:20:07,470
Mhmm.

2262
01:20:08,250 --> 01:20:08,569
And,

2263
01:20:10,729 --> 01:20:12,430
I'm tonight I'll be,

2264
01:20:12,970 --> 01:20:16,109
on a Zoom call with Equality Florida. Mhmm.

2265
01:20:16,454 --> 01:20:18,534
That they're they're doing an open Zoom call

2266
01:20:18,534 --> 01:20:19,435
here in Florida,

2267
01:20:20,454 --> 01:20:22,314
because they're trying to pass more

2268
01:20:22,694 --> 01:20:23,194
laws.

2269
01:20:23,814 --> 01:20:25,274
But, you know,

2270
01:20:26,534 --> 01:20:27,034
anyhoo

2271
01:20:27,574 --> 01:20:28,935
I know. I feel like I can feel

2272
01:20:28,935 --> 01:20:29,435
smoke

2273
01:20:29,760 --> 01:20:31,520
Yeah. Coming out of my ears right now.

2274
01:20:31,520 --> 01:20:34,800
I know. But, yeah. Lola's Lola's doing good.

2275
01:20:34,800 --> 01:20:35,539
She is

2276
01:20:36,000 --> 01:20:36,500
adjusting

2277
01:20:37,039 --> 01:20:38,420
well to her new medication.

2278
01:20:38,800 --> 01:20:41,760
Yeah. Her pain medication. Yeah. Yeah. Really seems

2279
01:20:41,760 --> 01:20:43,199
to be helping her a lot. Oh my

2280
01:20:43,199 --> 01:20:44,579
god. Last night,

2281
01:20:45,164 --> 01:20:46,145
she got the zoomies.

2282
01:20:47,324 --> 01:20:48,944
Oh, my gosh. She was

2283
01:20:49,564 --> 01:20:52,045
she was hunkered down and serious. She's a

2284
01:20:52,045 --> 01:20:53,724
big old girl. You don't you don't want

2285
01:20:53,724 --> 01:20:55,724
her to tackle you. You're going down. Oh,

2286
01:20:55,724 --> 01:20:56,224
yeah.

2287
01:20:56,524 --> 01:20:58,444
Yeah. I I I learned long ago when

2288
01:20:58,444 --> 01:21:00,380
she gets like that, she does like to

2289
01:21:00,380 --> 01:21:02,779
body slam. Mhmm. And and when I see

2290
01:21:02,779 --> 01:21:04,460
her coming at me in that, I I

2291
01:21:04,460 --> 01:21:04,779
gotta

2292
01:21:05,739 --> 01:21:09,039
Yeah. Brace yourself. Brace myself for it. Yeah.

2293
01:21:09,340 --> 01:21:11,774
Because, you know, she's losing weight, but she's

2294
01:21:11,774 --> 01:21:14,255
she's still a chunky girl, and she hits

2295
01:21:14,255 --> 01:21:16,354
you like that, boy. Yeah.

2296
01:21:16,814 --> 01:21:18,494
She comes in like a wrecking ball, y'all.

2297
01:21:18,494 --> 01:21:20,895
Yes. She does. Yeah. She does. But she's

2298
01:21:20,895 --> 01:21:23,135
happier, I think. Yeah. I I think so

2299
01:21:23,135 --> 01:21:24,914
too. I I think she has

2300
01:21:25,409 --> 01:21:28,130
a bit more energy. It's what I noticed

2301
01:21:28,130 --> 01:21:30,369
is she still still kinda sleeps like a

2302
01:21:30,369 --> 01:21:30,869
cat.

2303
01:21:31,969 --> 01:21:35,090
Yeah. But when she's awake, she's more alive.

2304
01:21:35,090 --> 01:21:37,170
Right. I don't feel like I'm seeing her

2305
01:21:37,170 --> 01:21:39,655
sleep any less though. Mm-mm. I know. She's

2306
01:21:39,655 --> 01:21:41,435
still sleeping a lot. Yeah.

2307
01:21:41,735 --> 01:21:42,235
Yep.

2308
01:21:42,695 --> 01:21:44,055
The one the one thing that I can

2309
01:21:44,055 --> 01:21:46,715
definitely say has diminished is her paw licking.

2310
01:21:47,255 --> 01:21:49,655
Yeah. Oh, god. That's the most disgusting sound

2311
01:21:49,655 --> 01:21:51,550
on the planet. I mean, she still does

2312
01:21:51,550 --> 01:21:53,229
it a little bit, but not to the

2313
01:21:53,229 --> 01:21:54,369
extent and,

2314
01:21:54,670 --> 01:21:56,930
you know, that she was doing it. Yeah.

2315
01:21:57,390 --> 01:22:00,369
So yeah. She's she's doing doing well.

2316
01:22:00,909 --> 01:22:01,970
Ella and

2317
01:22:03,324 --> 01:22:04,944
Onyx, well, they are

2318
01:22:05,885 --> 01:22:06,385
terrors.

2319
01:22:07,405 --> 01:22:08,864
Especially with one another.

2320
01:22:09,324 --> 01:22:09,824
Yeah.

2321
01:22:10,845 --> 01:22:12,765
But they're they're still good. They're sleeping side

2322
01:22:12,765 --> 01:22:14,524
by side on our bed, so Yeah. Can't

2323
01:22:14,524 --> 01:22:15,984
be all bad. Yep.

2324
01:22:16,604 --> 01:22:17,104
So,

2325
01:22:17,720 --> 01:22:19,880
yeah, it's all. It's kinda It's all same

2326
01:22:19,880 --> 01:22:22,140
old, same old in in a good way.

2327
01:22:22,199 --> 01:22:22,699
Yeah.

2328
01:22:25,720 --> 01:22:26,920
Yeah. I got nothing on it. I think

2329
01:22:26,920 --> 01:22:28,520
that's about it. Yeah. I think that's more

2330
01:22:28,520 --> 01:22:29,654
than enough. Yeah.

2331
01:22:31,175 --> 01:22:32,854
So I guess we say goodbye and let

2332
01:22:32,854 --> 01:22:34,854
these good folks carry on with the rest

2333
01:22:34,854 --> 01:22:35,994
of their day, evening.

2334
01:22:36,614 --> 01:22:37,994
Life. Life. Yeah.

2335
01:22:38,934 --> 01:22:41,014
Thanks for being here. Mhmm. Especially to the

2336
01:22:41,014 --> 01:22:42,074
bitter end. Yeah.

2337
01:22:44,215 --> 01:22:47,859
We appreciate you. We do. Especially when we

2338
01:22:47,859 --> 01:22:49,539
do episodes like this where it's pure navel

2339
01:22:49,539 --> 01:22:51,539
gazing. It's like, oh, this thing is very

2340
01:22:51,539 --> 01:22:53,320
important to me and about me.

2341
01:22:54,340 --> 01:22:57,060
Hopefully, it might inspire somebody to go do

2342
01:22:57,060 --> 01:22:59,939
some little baby experiments themselves, see how you

2343
01:22:59,939 --> 01:23:00,439
feel.

2344
01:23:01,614 --> 01:23:02,835
You just made a

2345
01:23:03,295 --> 01:23:05,295
I just remembered something. Is it bad or

2346
01:23:05,295 --> 01:23:07,614
is it good? No. Okay. We did a

2347
01:23:07,614 --> 01:23:10,015
resin pour yesterday afternoon. It's still in the

2348
01:23:10,175 --> 01:23:11,534
Oh, I meant I meant to ask you

2349
01:23:11,534 --> 01:23:12,914
about that. About it.

2350
01:23:13,215 --> 01:23:14,930
Okay. We got some handles we gotta go

2351
01:23:14,930 --> 01:23:17,489
get. Okay, y'all. Anyway We'll see y'all Thanks

2352
01:23:17,489 --> 01:23:20,050
for joining us, and we'll see y'all next

2353
01:23:20,050 --> 01:23:21,670
time. Yep. Bye.