You're listening to the Loving BDSM podcast episode
four thirty one. Kayla Lords here with the
one, the only, the
I love you so much. John Brownstone. I
love you too, baby girl. I didn't have
anything I could think to say that was
snarky, so
I went with, you know,
relatively nice.
I can't say sweet because I don't think
anybody
would use that word to describe me, certainly
not you.
I mean, have people thought I was sweet
in the past? Yes. And then they got
to know me.
Anyhoo. I went with genuine. That's what I
went with. Oh, okay. That's not what we're
talking about.
This week, we're answering questions that you asked
us over on that handle, I will forever
fucking hate on Instagram.
Yep. That's what we're doing. Welcome to the
Loving BDSM podcast. If this is your first
time listening, glad to have you. If you're
back for another week, welcome back. Loving BDSM
is produced every Monday and Friday for your
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found at lovingBDSM.net.
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so that handle I will forever fucking hate.
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so it's at loving d s one, or
on YouTube at youtube.com/lovingBDSM,
or you can watch us live stream the
podcast every Wednesday. All links are in the
show notes.
Okay. Okay. So,
I'm gonna say this again because I said
it to YouTube folks and then forgot I
needed to say it to
podcast folks.
We ask for your questions over on Instagram.
We got more than we can possibly
answer,
so I get to be choosy.
But we there's no way we can get
through all these. Some of these are massive
topics that could be their own,
episode.
But
are
you
red? Yes. First one. Mhmm.
This is a big topic. I think we
did this episode, but I'll see if we
can be concise.
Thoughts on age gaps in kink and how
to be proactive about safety in that regard.
Wow. I don't need It's a big topic.
Yeah. It is. And it's a very personal
kind of thing. Mhmm. Because we are an
age gap relationship. There's eighteen years between us.
But
we met when I was in my early
thirties, so it's not quite the same as
being a 19 year old with, like, a
50 year old.
So my personal thought is this, and, JB,
back me up or say something different if
you'd like.
To be in kink, you need to be
a consenting
adult. So once you are 18,
I might have opinions on what you do,
but it's and I might even offer guidance
if asked for or because I've got a
microphone and an Internet connection.
But once you are an adult, it is
your choice,
your decision.
That being said,
I will give side eye if the only
type of partner, a 40, 50, or 60
year old individual,
often but not always,
a man,
only wants 18, 19, 20, 20 one. Because
why? Is it because the the partners
in your own age range see through your
bullshit?
I don't know. Maybe. So,
there's nuance to all of that. Do I
think it is possible
that a 20 year old and a 50
year old can be deeply madly in love
and there's not an inherent nonconsensual,
power imbalance?
Maybe. Maybe.
Part of me is like, as as long
as nothing is act actively illegal or harmful
is going on, it's kind of not my
business until
asked. Right? Like, I want people to be
as risk aware as they can be. I
want folks to make good decisions.
I know that the decisions I made at
18, 19, 20,
20 two when I got married for the
first time, I would never make those decisions
today.
But I also know there are some people,
I happen to have birthed one of them,
the moment you tell them no, they go,
oh, that means I'm definitely gonna do it
and two times harder than I was before.
So
if you
are seeing yourself
potentially getting into a maybe future relationship with
somebody older than you, maybe it's somebody you're
talking to, maybe it's somebody you're interested in,
on that end, the thing is is they
need to work really hard
to earn your trust, and they've got to
earn it every damn day. But also,
who do you have in your life that
is,
a a strong personality, takes no shit, is
older than you that you consider to be
wise?
Do you have a support system? Because the
other thing that the predators like to do
is isolate. Mhmm. And they could do that
regardless of your age.
So it's complicated.
I will never turn my nose up at
age gap relationships. That would be hypocritical.
But,
yeah, I can look at at, two people
and go,
I don't think that's a
a a negotiated consensual power imbalance. I think
that's an older person taking advantage of a
younger person.
And we can not like that and we
can discourage that, but also
once you're a legal adult, I can, like
I said, offer guidance, tell you what I
think.
But to me, that's about it. It's really
about
hopefully, having a good
support system around you, strong friends,
people you look up to, people you can
go to for help, resources, whether it's something
like this or, you know,
another creator that you follow that you trust
who can help you
see through
and deal with
somebody's bullshit, who is
from the older side down. They are older
than you, and
it's it's a predatory
gross kind of thing. Yeah. If you are
older and you're looking at younger folks, I
don't have any experience with that. You being
twenty years older than me. Now, again, I
was in my thirties y'all, and that's a
different point in life than your twenties, okay,
or your very late teens.
But how
how do you what would you say from
that opposite end? If you were an older
person,
like, it
I'm sure you've seen it. I've seen it.
An older person who is only looking to
somebody
drastically younger than them. Cannot relate says they
cannot relate to anybody who is not drastically
younger than them.
I know what I would say to folks
like that, but I can be a bitch.
What would you say?
Run.
No. Not to the younger person. I know.
But, like, to the older person. Oh, to
the older person. Is there anything you would,
like, say that maybe they need to reconsider
or think? I could say a bitchy if
anybody wanna.
Gosh. I don't know. I'm I mean, I'm
at a at a point now,
I have 20
reaching out to me. I know it creeps
you out. And and it does. I know.
It does creep you out. It absolutely does.
Because I think about I have a I
have a kid
that age. And that that's yeah. You know?
And and, like,
no.
No. Go away. I think it's okay if
somebody genuinely is attracted to younger people,
and genuinely
you know, it's okay if there's, like,
like, was it somebody was saying I saw
it go up. I can't remember.
40 something and 20 something. Right? That was
raw, raw, medium. Okay. Okay. Thank you. It
went up too fast. You know, do I
think that's possible?
Yes. It absolutely is. I just think when
it's happening on the Internet a lot, it's
not usually it's not always. Let's put it
that way. It's not always on the up
and up. Mhmm. You had somebody get mad
at you because you were like, I'm not
interested in this kind of age gap. Like,
they were pissed at you. Yes. Oh, yeah.
He is 63,
y'all. This person was what? 20?
20 six, 20 five, 20 six. And was
mad at him because he went, you're too
young for me. I'm not thank you, but
I'm not interested. Yeah. They they they had
originally reached out to me with a question
and answered their question
and a little conversation had started and then
then she was like, you know,
wanting more.
I'm like, no. No. Thank you. And then
she got pissed at me because she said
I was wasting their time.
So anyhoo.
Yeah. Which just reminds you, people could be
people regardless of are they are they younger?
Are they older?
Yeah. So I think it's complicated because it
is unique to the people.
I'm not comfortable comfortable saying something like, oh,
if you're younger then, you can never do
I like,
I mean, I would say I would advise
against it. You know? I would say, I
would rethink that or I would go super
fucking slow or whatever whatever. But,
you know,
it is personal. I think, especially if we're
coming across
somebody online who can say and be anything
online with regardless of what the reality is,
I think you have to be 10 times
more cautious.
I think if you are meeting somebody in
person and you're like, wow. They feel a
lot older than me, and I I wonder
what kind of person they are. This is
if you're meeting in local community like a
munch or, you know, at a at a
space where there are other people, once you
find somebody that you know, see if you
can vet them and be like, hey. Can
you tell me about this person? Like, are
they legit? Are there any problems I need
to know about? Do they always go for
somebody thirty years younger than them? Like, what
does anybody know their deal?
But it's always gonna be hard because anybody
can say and do and be anything they
want, and then the reality is they're a
predator and that you don't always need an
age gap for that. You know? I mean
so
I think it's a be cautious, but also
we're all
consenting adults. I go back to,
if you are a younger person and you're
being approached by all these older people
and you are interested like, first of all,
if you're not interested, just say,
you're probably nice, but you're too old for
me. That that's all you should have to
do. Right? But if you are interested, then
I think it goes back to everything that's
kind of best practices when meeting somebody. Do
you like them as a human being?
Do they respect your limits? Do you feel
free to withdraw consent?
Or do you feel like you're being listened
to? Are they trustworthy? All of that stuff
continues to be true, just magnified a little
bit is what I would
say.
Okay.
Let me go to the next one.
Whoo. Y'all had had some deep
questions this time.
Okay. Any advice on navigating
purchasing and then using toys that you and
or your partner are not actually experienced with?
K. Say that again because I wanna call
it the tail end. Is any
advice Mhmm. On navigating
the purchasing of and using
new toys Okay. That you and your part
and or your partner are not familiar with?
New to you toys. You never you bought
a flogger and you never bought a flogger.
You never used a flogger kind of thing.
No.
I
early on and and I think I was
lucky with this,
one of the communities in in the area
where I lived,
after the munch,
they would
hold workshops. Mhmm.
And,
you know, each week was a different thing.
One one time they did,
bloggers,
you know, another time they they talked about
rope bonded and things like that. So, you
know, it's to me, it's always
you need to get out there and
and and learn about it, you know.
Just like, Whipps,
Dex, he has a book that he wrote,
you know, about Whipps.
You know, before before before you try any
toys, especially something new that you knew that
you've never used before,
you know, you have to understand what it
is and what it can do. Mhmm. Mhmm.
And you it's the boring answer is you
wanna get enough enough information,
credible information,
because you'll learn then what you don't know.
Like, you'll learn that you don't know a
lot because part of what you'll learn is
this toy from Amazon is probably crap and
is not really gonna do what you want
it to do. This
toy from this, you know, small biz maker
might, but also even quality toys might not
work. It it becomes a little complicated. So
if you're dealing with
limited resources and you only got enough to
buy a toy right now to invest in
a piece and and some kink you wanna
try, some toy you wanna try,
you're you're going please do all the research
because some of this shit is so expensive,
and there is nothing more disappointing than spending
all the money you got to spend your
whole budget on a new toy and then
fucking hating it. Yeah.
So,
yeah, you if you have access to in
person or virtual workshops where you can watch
people and ask questions, definitely take advantage of
that. But there are YouTube videos. There are
books. There are,
yeah, there there there's websites. There's there's, you
know, places you can join. The the duchy,
That was all bondage. Right? Yes. Yeah. So
depends on what you wanna learn. Then
I
once you start kind of having some kind
of community around you, an online space, in
person,
ask other kinksters
who they like to shop with. Right? That's
your starting point. Then you need to read
reviews. You need to, please god, read product
listings. Yeah. I I knew
as a person who has worked with people
my whole,
adult life that a lot of people just
don't pay attention to details and just don't
read stuff. You can give them the information
and they just don't read. I didn't realize
how often that happens until I had a
product of my own to sell. People
would buy a thing thinking it was one
thing when I was like, I could scroll
down this little website page here and show
you all the details where I explained this
to you, but you're also surprised. Okay. Okay.
So, yeah, like, it's a look at the
the details of the product. Read the reviews
about the product. Read the reviews about the
the shop. Right?
Now once you get said toy, whatever it
is, I don't care how many classes you
went to. I don't even care how many
hands on demos you got to do.
You with everything with everything, you gotta start
small and slow.
So use Impact as the the
one that we our go to because it's
our favorite.
Let's do a paddle. Not just because, you
know, JB makes them for the kangry, the
kangry.com.
The way correct me if I'm wrong. The
way it usually goes with JB, he picks
up a new implement that he is wants
to hit me with, and he's never hit
me with anything like this before. He's smacking
it
in his palm,
palm, forearm. He might go to his own
leg, but not usually because if I'm standing
there, after it's hit the forearm, he's like,
turn around. And I'm getting an experimental
swat on the butt. Right? Yeah. And then
from there, we're making decisions about
what what kind of sensations, how hard could
we go with this, how slow do we
wanna start.
But there's it's hard because I'm we've said
this a lot. We'll continue to say this
to you and learn as much as you
can. There does come a point where it's
like there's you could keep learning, but you
need practical hands on.
At that point, you need to assess risk.
Like, if it's wax play. Right? You're starting
wax play for the first time. Please buy,
and not just because we sell them, pick
the store you like, but buy actual kink
wax play candles that are made for the
purpose. Alright? Or a maker made,
a massage oil for the purpose that you're
supposed to pour on somebody hot. Do not
go to Walmart
and buy a Walmart brand Yankee candle and
pour it on somebody. Right? Oh, no. Right.
Right.
But even then so wax play. The first
time we tried, it's well, not how I
learned I don't like paraffin that much, personally.
You know? JB went he poured it on
himself a little bit first to to know
what it's like. So if you're the dom
or the top, that is a huge recommendation
we have. And then we played with sensation.
He poured from way up high, and he
each time he would, you know, melt the
can a little bit and pour and go
down and go down until we hit. By
that point, I was like, if you touch
me with this wax at this level,
I will not be happy. Don't like this.
Right? And so you play with it before
you do a scene with it.
And it is both that simple and that
complicated.
Okay.
Let's see. Let's go to another one.
This is deep.
K.
How to forgive your partner after betrayal?
Here's the thing. I think it's a personality
thing because I'm not one who could.
I might be able to forgive you in
that sense of I won't carry that energy
around, and I won't think much about you
anymore, and you're not a focus of of
my thoughts, that kind of forgiveness.
But me, personally, my personality type, I don't
forget. That will always be there. And I,
personally, with all my trust issues, will have
to work through that every damn day. Uh-uh.
So for me, there is none of that.
Yeah. I depending on on
what what it is,
you know, there there are certain things. I
I have certain bounds myself,
you know, where
that are my limits
with that. Mhmm. So
I don't know. It's,
It's deeply personal because it's what what was
the betrayal?
Mhmm. What are your own personal trust issues
like? Right.
I know myself, just like you, I I
could forgive.
Can't forget. Wouldn't know.
Mhmm.
You know, what have they done to not
just show that they're sorry? It's it's real
easy for a lot of people to tell
show you how sorry they are, to tell
you how sorry they are. What have they
done to change their behavior? What have they
done to make amends? What have they done
to show that they've learned from it? And
even then,
that don't mean you gotta take them back.
Let somebody go learn and do better on
their own so you can go forth and
find the person who won't betray you in
the first place.
But I'm a bitch when it comes to
shit like that. I have met people. I
have known people who are like, we went
through this rough time. Time. This partner,
you know, betrayed my trust, stepped outside of
our relationship, whatever whatever, like, did the thing
I begged them not to do. And they
what they say is we worked through it
and we're together.
I am so happy for you. You are
a a I am not that kind of
person. Yeah. No. Even once I get over
being angry about it,
I still remember the feeling of the betrayal.
And so you don't get a second chance.
If it gets to a point, I'm gonna
call it betrayal.
No. So if you are a person who
can do that and, you know, is able
and willing to,
that per whoever that person is, they've
they've gotta work real hard to earn your
trust and then they gotta work every fucking
day to keep
it. And they gotta not mind that you
might give them side eye from time to
time, and you might not believe them all
the time because they did that shit.
But
I would say you're a better human being
than I am if you can do that.
Because
I
don't
okay.
So this is a big topic, so we'll
try this next one. We'll try to keep
it to highlights. We have talked about these
things in different ways. Mhmm. We have a
thing
that we will be doing that we can't
talk about or promote yet where we will
kind of talk about this again coming up
because it's a hot topic a lot of
people tend to wanna know about. This person's
question is how to reintroduce
a dynamic when life,
for example, having a baby, has got in
the way.
No. No. No. No. No.
No. First of all first of all, here's
what I want you to do if you
were this person.
Not this
not this specific person, but a person who
can relate.
I want you to say to yourself,
I have not failed at kink. I am
not failing at power exchange.
This is how life goes. Yep. This is
normal
for life to get in the way because
it will. Life's gonna life. At every fucking
opportunity.
This
is normal.
So for anybody who might be walking around
feeling a little shitty about that, just keep
saying that to yourself. Kayla said this is
normal. Okay. I'm happy to be the voice
in your head if you need me to
be. Now I mean, that's scary. It is
terrifying. I'm happy to be it. I'm not
saying it's a good choice you've made there,
but I'm happy to do that for you.
So
now you're ready
to to get some semblance back.
What say you?
Low and slow. Low and slow. Low and
slow. You know? That that's that's your best
best thing.
Yeah. We're we're kinda in that right now.
We're, we're we're rebuilding. We're not,
you know, oh, we had this dynamic prior
unless, you know, we're gonna jump in and
No. I no. I'm very skeptical of jumping
straight back in. Right. Especially if the the
life that got in the way is an
ongoing thing. Like that person's example having a
baby, well, you're now a parent for fucking
life.
Being the parent of somebody, being a caregiver
to a child, I don't care how what
the familial relationship is. Being the
main caregiver or the even 50% caregiver
of a child
is designed to disrupt your the fun you'd
like to be having as an adult.
That's just the nature of it. So in
that case, low and slow is your only
option. Right. Right? Like, depending on what that
those child that child's needs are. Right? Their
nap schedule, their sleep schedule,
you know, whatever.
We we have we've not given ourselves a
time frame for getting back, but we have
talked about focusing on it this year in
2025. Yeah. That does not mean on 01/01/2026,
we'll be like, done. Yeah. It just means
we're we're giving ourselves a full
year to see with to be thinking about
our power exchange with intention, to see what
we get to. And then at that point,
we'll see what we wanna do next. See
where we land and then where we wanna
go from there. And
that's without having something as life changing
as a child to care for, an an
elderly adult in your life to care for.
Like, whatever it is that disrupts.
Major financial upheaval, we lived through that. We're
technically a little bit still in it, but
it's much better now.
That was multiple years of it. Right? So
low and slow. When you're getting back to
it, the way I always think of it
is you've got to remind yourselves, both of
you, however many of you there are, that
you enjoy this. So because it can be
a little stressful to think about trying to
do something you used to do, but now
everything's different. And you're not quite the same
person anymore, and life isn't the same anymore.
And, also, what if I forgot to do
this? What if I don't like what if
what if wait. I don't like to assume
everybody drowns in what ifs, but I know
many of you do. So,
so the thing I always say
is pick the thing that you mutually
are super excited, like, you miss the most,
you love the most together. Like, that Venn
diagram of
what I like to do in King Compare
Exchange, what they like to do in King
Compare Exchange. What's the overlap? Of that overlap,
what is the thing
that you're both like, oh my god. It'll
be amazing if we could just get a
little taste of this. That's the thing you
start with.
Now
that thing might be some elaborate scene that
lasted two hours that you used to do,
and you ain't got two hours right now
or the energy for two hours. Okay. Now
that's what we talk about,
low and slow.
Take that thing, break it down into pieces.
What what element
of that kink scene, what element of that
activity can you fit into the ten, fifteen,
twenty minutes you might have in a day?
Right?
You build up from there. You have to
remind yourself of, hey. This is fun. I
like this. This feels good. I like this
connection. Look at us having intimacy together again.
And it can
slowly over time in fits and starts
then become a self fulfilling prophecy where you're
like, this felt good. Let's do it again
instead of what if it doesn't feel good
anymore? What if I forgotten how to do
it?
What if? What if? What if? Right?
So but then in always and always and
always, life is going to fuck up whatever
plans you make. Right? You're gonna be like,
we're gonna do this
every Saturday night. I don't know. I don't
know your life.
And one Saturday, nope. You got a sick
kid. You gotta work overtime. You got right?
It's gonna get in the way. And then
it's about, okay, how do we
pivot? How do we, you know, shift? Does
it mean that, okay, we didn't do it
this week? Does it mean we schedule for
another day? Does it mean
we take a a little bit of something
that we have? We've got ten minutes tomorrow
morning, and we'll Mhmm. For us, for literal
years,
the most kink action that I we could
get consistently
was, JB smacking my butt a few times
before we got in bed to go to
sleep.
But it was our one guaranteed point of
connection
True. In
a very hectic stressful
life that was not affording us the opportunities
to get our kink on in the way
we like.
So yeah.
Okay.
And now everybody in live chat is talking
about brisket Yep. And I would like some
brisket.
Okay.
Okay. Can I change from being a sub
to a dom?
I'm having the weird feeling that I
enjoy more
or am I just a switch?
Can you change your mind? Or can your
life change? Or can your view on things
change? And you go I don't feel the
sub thing as
I feel the dom energy more. Abso fucking
lutely. Mhmm. If you want to think of
yourself as a switch, whether you it's years
before you switch back again, that's cool. If
you don't,
that's cool. You can be whatever you want
to be.
It's about what fits you and feels right
to you. What feels comfortable to you. Mhmm.
You're not doing it wrong. You didn't do
it wrong before. If you're like, oh, I
did the sub thing, but that that's not
quite right right now. This dom thing is.
Does that does it bring does that bring
you to your happy place? Mhmm. Are you
having a good time? Are you are you
connecting with new and or existing partners in
ways you haven't before?
Right?
And if you label that being a switch
or not, that is completely personal
to you. You know,
yes. The majority of switches that I know
can and do in different with different partners
and or different
settings or mindsets or whatever
go back and forth? Absolutely. But I know
people who, you know, consider themselves to be
a switch but
99%
of their time they're kind of in
one side of the slash or the other
and that's fine too. And then there are
people who
don't use that label, and they don't wanna
use labels at all, and they just wanna
let go with it. All of that is
valid.
All of that is valid.
And now somebody's talking about ribs in Yep.
Live chat. Y'all are making my mouth water.
Okay.
This is an interesting question because I think
it's a nuanced one.
Is there a difference between twenty four seven
and total power exchange, a k a TPE?
I think so for sure.
Yeah. Yeah. I think so. And I also
think it's okay if somebody uses the terms
interchangeably.
Again, it's it goes back to a personal
thing. We all need to have a top
level understanding of what these terms essentially mean,
and then you can kinda use them in
the way that fits you best. So total
power exchange, in my mind, the way I
tend to think of that,
that is
the Dom is in charge of every fucking
thing. Mhmm. Now what that means in,
practical terms
varies. Right? Is it you have to ask
permission for everything,
or is it that you don't do anything
that your Dom has not already preapproved that
you're allowed to do? It can mean a
variety of things. Twenty four seven, we adapted
adopted?
Adapt.
We changed things up for ourselves because twenty
four
seven, people would say
some say, well, that's just like 20 that's
just like Total Power Exchange because you're in
your roles twenty four seven, so clearly the
dom is in charge every moment of every
day. And I'll I think some people see
that as, oh, well, that means the dom
is constantly giving permission, constantly,
saying yes or no, constantly being asked and
con right? We had to change and shift
how we think of twenty four seven because
life lifed. Right? So for us, twenty four
seven means we are always a daddy domino
baby girl, a a submissive,
a masochist, or whatever. Right? We are always
those people,
and
we
have set up our life where primarily we
move through our life within those roles.
We do have some exceptions that are just,
in my mind, practical.
Parenting is not part of power exchange. That's
a whole separate thing, and we are dead
ass equals in it.
But because he is always daddy, and he
is always ultimately the decider if a decision
needs to be made.
We are twenty four seven in that way.
Because there's not a time when a decision
doesn't need to be made. I'm not gonna
look to him and go, what do you
wanna do? The only time I won't is
when he says, my mental health will not
let me do this. Just just do what
you think is best because I trust you.
Now there are sticklers out there who go,
well, that means you're not really twenty four
seven or because parenting is not part of
our power exchange. Well, that means you're not
really twenty four seven. Well, no. We are
who we are every moment of the day.
And
in 95%
of situations,
our power exchange is gonna govern what we
do. Yeah. There's no off for it unless
under very specific circumstances. And I don't know
about y'all, but I I like to do
this funny little thing called sleep.
Yeah. I know. Right?
So,
yeah, 247,
to me,
247
is, like, maybe its own broad category,
and a subset of twenty four seven could
be Total Power Exchange. I could see the
argument for somebody saying Total Power Exchange is
the umbrella and twenty four seven is I
don't know which it is. But there was
a time I would have called us
Total Power Exchange because he was always daddy.
He was always the dom. He's always in
charge.
And, ultimately, it's not even about always being
in charge. He's always the decider.
He always has that control and that power,
unless he he gives it up for any
specific reason or it's parenting related.
Man, we we clash over the parenting stuff
sometimes.
When he gets to see that side of
me as not his submissive.
And I think he knows why I intimidate
a lot of potential people away from me
because,
no, there's no service in that part of
my persona.
But I there was a time I would
have said total power exchange, and then now
it made more sense to say twenty four
seven. Because to me, twenty four seven means
it's it's ongoing.
Bedroom only, to me, does not necessarily mean
that it's always only sexual. It just means
that there's specific times, and it tends to
be behind closed doors. Right?
But, again, it's
it's personal. You know? Let me say again.
I think we all need to start with
a similar broad understanding of what these terms
mean because words do mean things. But then
I think we can use those terms. We
can make them fit us instead of us
having to fit them
is what I think.
Mhmm.
You poor thing having to mess with the
audio this whole time. Yep.
Okay.
Oh, gosh. This is, this one's a complicated
one or because it's nuanced.
What to do to balance things
when the dominant
feels more love, romance, has deeper romantic
feelings towards the sub than the sub does
to the dominant.
I think the first thing you gotta do
is if if whichever side of that you're
on,
I think you have to decide
what you ultimately want from a relationship.
And are you giving that and receiving that?
Mhmm. Because, like, I'm thinking of a dominant
who is hopelessly in love with their submissive,
and their submissive is maybe lukewarm and likes
them, but is not, like, in love.
Right? For some people will be like, I'm
good with that. Just let me love you,
and we'll work everything else out. And I
think that that might work for a while,
and then some people would hit a point
where that doesn't work anymore.
Right? They they want something more. They want
the feelings returned. Whatever. I could also see
it from, in this case, the submissive side
of enjoying somebody lavishing that attention on them,
but then
feeling
pressure to reciprocate when they don't
or feeling bad that they can't give this
person
what they are receiving from them. But I
can also see two fucking adults having a
real deep meaningful conversation about it and being
really fucking clear where each one of you
stands and then consistently,
which does not mean always, just means consistently,
checking in with yourself and each other of,
does this still work?
But, you know,
I think there was a time
early ish in our relationship when we're finally
into the power exchange thing where
JB
was more in love with me than I
was with him. Not because I couldn't love
him, not because I had to be convinced
of him, but because I wasn't fucking ready
for that. I wasn't ready to admit it
to myself.
I had to do like, I'm I'm queen
of the fucking denial
party. Okay?
We ain't just floating on something down a
river. Okay? I my denial can be so
fucking deep,
and it's in
in we've talked about this before. When I
finally kinda realized, hey. There's something there was
when I was like, JB's trying to tell
me, oh, a dom wouldn't let you be
friends with another dom. And I was like,
fuck that shit. I don't want that dom
because nobody's taking you away from
me.
So, you know did it to myself.
I'll say this. Do I think that
the majority of people can manage that kind
of
imbalance
in feelings
and emotional
connection in the power exchange?
Most people? Probably not. Are there some people
who maybe can,
and are
willing to put in these the
so much communication and effort it would take
to be very clear and open with one
another, yeah, there probably are.
I don't think
either side would be wrong for ending the
relationship because it's not what they can't give
what they're receiving, and they wanna be able
to give what they receive. They want it
to be more balanced in terms of I
think that's valid too.
So
and now the live chat is talking about
ribs again. Yep.
Okay.
Let's
keep going.
This one,
I'll have opinions, but I want JB to
to
chime in here. Oh.
So are you with me? Because I know
you have to keep playing with buttons. Yeah.
I'm done. How do you handle it when
a sub disregards
slash disrespects
the dom's boundaries?
Oh.
That's, wow.
I'm just sure you guys know that that's
kind of a a red flag.
Absolutely.
You know,
no.
No. I'm gonna no. Run.
The thing is That's not good. Like, I
this that question gives me more questions. Is
it within your boundaries
and within your power exchange, and do you
as the dom have the consent
to give consequences
to punish?
Would that even be effective? I think it
would depend on the boundary that was Well,
that's true too. I mean, you know, when
when you talk about
disregarding boundaries,
you know, that that that's a little,
yeah, depending, I yeah. Depending on what they
are, but still, you know majority of the
time. Yeah. This is a red flag. Like
yeah. Yeah. I agree. I could see some
moments where
somebody maybe thought they were being bratty and,
actually, they were being a shit. And what
they wanted was, hey. You know, make me
pay for this in some way. Well, you're
just not using your grown up words at
that point.
And you've now probably betrayed the trust of
somebody who you coulda had something good with,
but you don't fuck it up. Right? I
mean, sometimes, you know, I'd like to play
the devil's advocate on something like you know?
But You just What did I hear about
some because, typically, devil's advocate is not usually
used for good purposes. I think I heard
somebody say one time, the devil don't need
an advocate. He's fine by himself. No. He's
fine by himself. No. He's fine by himself
went, I have rethought the devil's advocate argument
ever since then. Okay. That that hit kinda
hard. So I think you treat a sub
rejecting or or or ignoring or whatever your
boundaries the same as a sub should treat
a dom. Well, then we don't get to
do the thing because you can't respect the
most basic thing that I require from you.
You
know? Only you can decide if it was
a betrayal of trust or if it's something
you think you can work through, if it's
something you even want to work through.
But
I think you were
I think you're perfectly within your rights to
be like, okay. That was that was a
red flag and I don't do red flags
and you have a good life. Hope you
find somebody who wants whatever that is because
it ain't me. Again, like I said a
little bit ago, people can grow and learn
but you are not obligated to be there
with them while they do. Let let them
grow and learn with somebody else. Yeah. Go
live your best life.
But I think you have to be honest
with yourself.
I do always think it's good for a
conversation to have the conversation about it. I
could see where in some circumstances
it's,
too scary, too violent, too dangerous to do
that.
Dip. Get the hell out. Right? If it's
not that situation, I have the conversation about
it. Call them out on it. Make to
the extent that you have any control over
it, make them,
like, be there to listen to you, like,
be mad about it. What you do from
there, that's on you.
So yeah.
Okay.
This one, I don't mind answering because we
we're talking about it all the time. How
is the dynamic at home?
Good. Good. Yeah. It's we're very relaxed about
it. Like, we,
in way
here's my take on it. Tell me what
you think. Okay.
When we didn't when we knew the dynamic
was not what we wanted it to be,
but we also knew that it was
chaos,
not having the dynamic we wanted for me
went one of two ways. I either just
couldn't think about it because there was no
capacity in my brain for it,
or I was
annoyed, upset, sad, pick a negative emotion that
we didn't have what we once did.
Now
where we are intentional about it and we
are putting more focus on it, when something
comes up and we can't focus on it.
Right? We're not we're not getting kinky like
like we did back in the day. We're
not fucking like rabbits. I don't who knows
how rabbits fuck? I've never asked that question,
but, you know, we're like, we're not pawing
at each other. We're not naked all the
time. I'm not crawling
around. I can't. I we're parents. That's not
how our life works.
I I'm okay.
I
recognize, and I feel more
confident in us and in myself in our
roles, our power exchange roles Mhmm. That I
get less twisted up about it.
I have
the faith in us that
when we can, we will come back around
to it.
What would you
say to them? Yeah. I I I agree.
You know, I think definitely
come back around to it because
at the core, that's who we are. And
it's what we want. But I think I
get the vibe that we are much more
understanding right now. Mhmm. Before, life kept happening
to us and coming at us so fast,
and it was like everything was happening to
us, and all we could do is react.
Right? Right. So then you get a little
depending on who you are. We got a
little bitter and pissy about what we couldn't
do. Right. Right now, when something comes out,
JBL has not felt good, didn't feel good
a couple weeks ago, hasn't felt good this
week, something different, but still. Yeah. So it
it curves everything at that point. Right? But
instead of sort of, like,
feeling
glum about it or worrying that we're, you
know, not making progress anymore or whatever.
We're rolling with it, and he Mhmm.
Today,
he found a way to be his dom
self that did not require anything physical
and shocked the shit out of me.
That's right. It did.
He did. And it was just before we
started or not earlier. Whole recording day. Yeah.
So what he did was he domed me
with tone of voice. No no anger, annoyance,
aggravation. I hadn't
I hadn't done anything, air quote, wrong, but
he needed to, like, set me on the
right path.
And
he
just his tone of voice. He he laid
down the law
in a way that I think it's been
a few years.
You know? He he's not really physically up
for doing anything right now. It's a middle
of a workday. We can't. We, you know,
had some plans, like, last weekend that we
kinda didn't follow-up with, try again on another
day, whatever.
But it's these moments that are coming back
to us that Mhmm. I mean,
I had feelings about it, but I kept
my cool. It's fine. I just said, yes,
daddy, because that's usually the the best thing
to do.
Okay. It's what you tell everybody else to
do. Just do what day he says.
It does. It does. It does.
Just why do you dupe? Streamline things. I
know.
Okay. This one is definitely
up your alley because it's what you do.
How does a dom support a sub practicing
more active consent while keeping the scene's energy?
I know how you like to do it.
Yeah. I mean, I'm I'm very hands on
in that manner.
You
are you have, in my mind, perfected the
art
of
check-in, but make it hot as fuck. Right?
It's tone he's asking me for a color.
And if I don't give a color,
all play stops.
Yeah. But he's he like, okay. Every domino's
different. Everybody's got their own vibe. We know
JB's vibe. Right? He's got a growl to
him. Right?
Fucking love it. In scene when I'm all
loosey goosey and, like, the brain is not
connected to anything, and the muscles are just
like, yeah. We're here. This is fine. Whatever.
He leans in close. He's in my ear.
He can sound low key mean, but in
a sexy way, and I'm here for that.
It's kinda my vibe.
And he's asking for a color. Mhmm. And
he you get playful with it. You do
I mean, and it and you are pacing
yourself. When we've just gone really harder, you
know that's more than I would usually you're
in there automatically. Right?
When
when we've gone for longer and this I'm
having to go back from memory because this
has been a hot ass minute since we
got to do early involved scene. Yeah. When
we've gone longer than, like, we normally would,
you're checking in. But you're you're doing it.
You're keeping your dom self.
You're talking to me in ways that you
know turn me on. The other thing because
active consent doesn't have to just be the
dom checking in. It's a great way to
do it. Like,
demand a response. Sometimes I can't speak. Right?
So demand whatever your signal is
or whatever. Like, however you were gonna
keep
going and knowing if things are good or
not.
Yes. But also
encourage
and
I'm gonna say reward, but that's kind of
too broad of a word. Encourage and reward
a sub who just tells you shit.
It used to feel awkward, and now I
find it really easy.
Last time we did the last time we
did a major
bondage scene, and this that has been a
hot minute.
Something didn't feel right, and we're at mid
scene. And I still have this feeling of,
oh, I hate to speak up because I'm
gonna kill the mood, but that was like,
you know, it's gonna kill the mood to
trip to the ER.
So JV's like he's got me strapped
down with rope,
and he's moving around the room to do
other things and, like, just leaving me hanging
out there because he's a sadist, and that's
what we do. Anticipation.
And I had to go in like, there's
no check-in. He was off he was doing
what he needed to do to get us
ready. I had to go, hey, daddy.
This part of me is numb over here.
I don't think it's supposed to do that.
No. And,
one, there's never been any
backlash
if I speak up. If it's like, I'm
air air quote, speaking out of turn. Because
if it's about my safety, if it's about
my health Especially, like, something like that. Right.
Like so
it is possible that a sub has gotten
the message from previous partners that they should
not speak up. What you, to me, what
you wanna do is not just encourage it,
but then you reward it. Then you, like,
lavish them with praise. Give them something they
something, whatever, like, works for them.
But that's a time and trust thing. They'll
have to play long enough to know that
they're not breaking the mood. They're doing exactly
what you want
to just they don't have to wait to
be asked. You don't you should be checking
in, but also you should be encouraging them
to, like, say something. Right. And you can
even keep it if you want. If you're
worried about the energy, whatever their persona is
as a sub, like, however y'all you want
them to speak to you with respect or
however they address you or whatever,
have them do it to the best of
their ability in emergency situations. All this is
out the window. But to the best of
their ability, have them speak to you in
that way so that that energy
is still there,
but they know, okay. I'm keeping the energy
of the scene, but I'm actively
communicating consent. I'm actively communicating what's going on.
And so then you have both that and
the check ins.
So
yeah. There's that. What would you would you
add anything to that? No. Okay.
There's so much here, y'all. I'm gonna I'm
gonna answer it. We'll do one more more
question, and then I will address a question
without answering it because I do wanna be
able to address it. Okay. Thanks for all
these questions. Here's the last full question we'll
answer, and then there's the question I want
to address without answering. Here's the question. How
do you know if you're a fit for
twenty four seven?
If you're I think the only way you're
gonna find out is if you try it.
Yeah. You're gonna have to try it. Sure.
You're gonna have to that's the really the
only way you know.
And that's only if when when you think
about twenty four seven, you do not immediately
go, oh, hell. Fuck no. If that's your
immediate response, you that is not right for
you. Whether that's never or not right now,
it's not right for you. If it's intriguing
to you, you're gonna have to try it.
Mhmm.
But I go back to what we talked
about with twenty four seven. I guess we
do need to do the TPEV
twenty four seven episode
coming soon. Mhmm.
I think
before I would try anything, I'd get real
clear with you and a partner on what
twenty four seven means to you. Yeah. Because
if one of you is thinking of total
power exchange, all the control, all the,
you know, permission, all the
this. And the other one of you is
thinking, I just kinda wanna be your your
kink partner all day every day. Right? Like,
it's a managing expectations, setting the parameters, getting
very fucking clear,
and then you try it. You try it
for a day. You try it for an
hour. Like,
again, low and slow build up, right,
based on what you
mutually agree
twenty four seven
would be for you. And then you tweak
from
there. Like, I think
we've recently talked about this, so it's kinda
top of mind.
The
after we moved in together, we've been long
distance for, what, fourteen months, eighteen months, something
like that. What is time? I don't know.
Life lifed, and we actually had to put
our power exchange on hold,
for, like, two weeks before we could we
would try to get back into it. But
before we put it on hold, it wasn't
just because we were having to unpack boxes
and build furniture and get our AC fixed.
It wasn't just that. No. It was because
we had tried a vert also had tried
a version
of Power Exchange that
I had a whole hell of a lot
of rules. There was a lot of, you
know, ask daddy this, get daddy's permission from
that. And what we found kinda quickly is
some of the stuff just was not fucking
practical.
It just was not practical at all. It
sounded good in theory. It made our little
kinky hearts happy,
but it didn't work in real life.
So, yeah, you that was part of us
having to to restart
and rethink what Power Exchange in person was
gonna mean to us, knowing we wanted twenty
four seven. Again, because the twenty four seven
for us means we are just always who
we are, and it isn't like
like a it's a layer on top of
our relationship. And it's really a a something
woven into the fabric of it, but it's
just always there.
And so
whenever we can, we're gonna default to it.
But, yeah, that was a big thing. Clear
communication.
Mhmm.
Get into agreement on what it means for
you both. Right? Mhmm. Assuming you're in a
a relationship. If you're single, just research different
ways of doing it and then kind of
make your own, like, internal or actual physical
list of this is what that means to
me. And
when you find a partner who's compatible, try
it.
But when you try it,
please don't go from we've never done this
before to this is our actual life now
forever.
Please don't. I there's a good chance you
can overwhelm yourself.
Start with an hour. Start with a day.
Like, to me, I would start with an
hour
of just whatever you think that's gonna look
like. And you're gonna have to plan things
and set things up so you get to
practice it. Right? And then from there, I
would go to, like, half a day or
just a few hours, depends on what your
life is like, and I would build up.
I would build up to a week, and
and every time you're building up, you're checking
in.
You're talking about it. You're debriefing. You're like,
what worked, what didn't?
And it requires the thing I hate more
than anything,
the dreaded
p word,
patience.
Imagine that. I have
part of it's getting older just in general.
But as
a submissive partner in a power exchange, I
have learned more patience
over the past twelve or thirteen years
than ever. And, again, some of it is
is just getting older and just, you know,
whatever. But a lot of it is because
JB has forced me
to practice patience.
Okay. So that was our last full
question.
Here's a question somebody asked that I want
to
address, and I want to, through comments, through
social media, through email, through whatever, I want
to get
feedback on.
Patrons, Discord,
feel free to to give me your opinion
on this with Discord.
Somebody said, I would like to hear you
talk about neurodivergence
in
DS dynamic.
I would
love
to talk about that.
The thing that stops me,
I'm not diagnosed.
I am partially,
even though I doubt myself every other day,
self diagnosed. Like, I think
based on
all measures I can find that a person
not seeing a professional
can maybe
measure themselves up against. Right?
I think I am.
I think I am. But if you recall
the episode from perimenopause, I do have the
consistent debate of, is this neurodivergency?
Am I just perimenopausal?
Right? Like, I don't know
for a fact.
So
the reason I would not want to just
talk about it in general without having
a lived experience and feeling comfortable sharing a
lived experience is because neurodivergency
is so
unique to the person experiencing it, there's no
way to kind of broadly go.
Here's here are the things in which you
need to know. I if we chose to
do it, I could talk about most common
things people experience, and yet for every air
quote most common, there will be an equal
number of people who are on the opposite
end of that spectrum.
And so I don't wanna take space or
talk about an identity that is not
mine
to do. I do not want to disrespect
anybody who's
actually neurodivergent, is aware that they're neurodivergent,
is living the neurodivergent
life.
But if
y'all as an audience,
especially the neurodivergent
folks, that's who I'm actually talking to here,
would feel comfortable
with me talking about my suspected
self maybe, kind of. One day I'll say
self diagnosed
neurodivergency
and how I think it has impacted power
exchange and our power exchange.
I would be willing, but I want feedback
before like, I put it on my I
actually started this year 2025, like, trying to
be professional again because I had the the
brain capacity for that.
And I have a list of topics I'd
love to address, and that topic is in
there, but
I am I am not here to take
space that is not mine to take.
So
so
that is my comment on that.
I think if if we look through some
of how I am with JB
as a submissive
through the lens of possible neurodivergency,
I think JB probably has a lot to
say on it too.
But because
some of the things I would classify as
neurodivergency,
I only became aware
of twofold when the kids are diagnosed, which
is as I'm going through premenopause and as
premenopause is, like, in its giant swing of
things, again, I
often go,
is it is it this or is it
that? I don't know. So
that is that is my
my assessment on that. Okay. If there's enough
folks who are actually neurodivergent,
who
listen to this,
listen to us long enough, know us well
enough, feel comfortable with us, and they're like,
yeah. I I think you could talk about
it. I think you'd be fine. I'm okay.
And I know that y'all aren't nobody's a
monolith. So
just because five people say, hell yeah. You
totally should doesn't mean there won't be 10
who don't like it. But I just
I wanna give people what they would want.
Mhmm. But I wanna make sure I'm not
taking space I'm not supposed to take a
sip.
So thanks to everybody for all the questions.
I'm it's kind of exciting that we're
I'm sure it's annoying for the folks who
don't get their question answered, but it's kind
of exciting on this end to get to
a point where there's too many fucking questions.
We can't answer all of these.
And
there are were several that could absolutely be
topics, so I need to take notes from
these
and add it to my I have a
a notions. If you know what notions is,
if you know, you know,
board,
and then I've got this whole line of
just topic ideas, and I just I go
through. And when we do a topic idea,
I I mark it as completed. And then
when I come up with an idea, I
add it so that I'm not trying to
trust my brain anymore or
a ridiculous
dizzying amount of Post it notes.
I, at the end of twenty twenty four,
beginning of '20 '20 '5, was cleaning through
my desk, trying to, like, set myself up
for a good start to the year professionally
anyway, and I had to go through a
stack of post it notes that was
half an inch, an inch thick that some
of which I had been holding on to
for two plus years.
I was like, you don't even know what
this post it note means anymore.
If you can't make sense of it, it
doesn't get digitally archived for your memory. Toss
the fucking thing.
So
but
yeah.
So,
are we good?
That's not for me to say.
But, yes, we can do a bonus action.
Okay.
Oh, yeah.
God bless you. Girl. Wow.
I spaced out. I spaced
out. Wow. Where did you go?
I don't know. It was it was a
void. I wasn't having a a clear thought.
I was just gone.
Okay.
Are are we good?
Keep it kinky y'all. And we'll see you
next week.
Yes?
Can we talk to the cricket? Yes. You
may.
Oh, I can. In a brief second. Okay.
Did you solve the mystery of Audacity?
What?
Yes. Silent. I'm a little afraid of what
facial expression was happening.
I'm sure it was vacant. I'm sure my
my expression was just completely vacant.
I don't know where it went, but I
was there. I was there. Yeah.
It was blissfully quiet in my head for,
like, half a second,
which maybe was maybe longer than half a
second based on JV's reaction. I don't know.
Yeah. I understand the irony of of hemming
and hawing over am I neurodivergent
and then
just
having that happen. I get it. I get
it. It's one of those if you know,
you know.
Yeah. Yeah. Claire in live chat says, I
think there are probably a lot of people,
Claire included, in the same place of not
diagnosed, but there's probably something going on.
I saw I've seen a few shirt designs.
I would kill to have it. This is
undiagnosed,
but something ain't right. And I'm like, that
that feels
that feels right.
That feels right.
Okay. So,
bonus section. Mhmm. You've had a bit of
a whirlwind this week.
I do. What would you like to share
from that?
Yeah.
Whew.
We I was I wasn't sure we're gonna
have an episode this week. I know. Which
would have been fine. Your health is more
important. But yeah.
So yeah. Yeah. Let you know?
Does anyone tell you, you know, the the
the golden age, you know? Golden years. Golden
years, you know?
Fuck that shit.
No. I I had an episode with my,
with my back
beginning of the week
and,
have been doing the old man walk for
a couple days. Yeah.
And, just getting back to walking upright again.
So without going into too much detail, you
know, I talked about a little bit.
I have arthritis through my spine
and a number of bad discs. So, you
know, I have good days. I have
not so good days.
Yeah. Exactly. And this was
a a week
Yeah. For you. Mhmm. Mhmm. We just slowed
everything down. Yep. Bunny asked in live chat,
how many total questions did we get this
time? 25.
I almost forgot the number. I literally was
just counting. Wow. 25 questions. Yep. Dang. Yeah.
Yeah.
You when you're back, it does what what
it does. I I'm my brain immediately goes
to, uh-oh. Uh-oh. Who do I need to
call? What what's happening now?
And
I was about to invoke the tough love
clause
because you had started feeling bad.
It was clear. It was obvious. Wasn't able
to, like, function well.
But every time I was like and I
I know I'm a nag about it because,
like, I'm anxious. We know this. So I
try to, like,
not check-in too often, but I had already
gotten by, I think,
Monday.
I think I had decided, okay. If he's
not seeing improvement by by today, Wednesday, or
Thursday,
I'm gonna insist that we go see a
doctor, and I'm invoking the tough love clause.
But you are starting to Yeah. Be on
the other side of it. So
Yep.
So yeah. Yeah. Most most times, as long
as I can sit back, take it easy,
you know,
sit with the heating pad Mhmm. And,
yeah. Usually, I can get
Yeah. I know.
We
because we had to, timing being what it
was. We couldn't do it earlier. We had
to go to Sam's Club on Tuesday. I
would kill for a Costco in this town,
but we don't have one. So we go
to Sam's Club. Middle of the day, not
my favorite time to go, and I need
to drive,
because that's how you you wanna know how
j bad JB's feeling? Is he driving or
not? He has not been doing a lot
of driving. So I had to drive, which
that was fine. Parking lot with Sam's. Any
if you know, you know. Costco is the
same way too. It's a madhouse. It's crazy.
So
the weirdest thing was even though he's got
a bad back, and I'm constantly going, how
can I help? How can I help? Even
when he's not feeling bad,
This time, he had to admit, yeah. You
gotta pick up all the heavy stuff.
No. It's like, okay. I mean, okay. Like
Mhmm. Not even a question. Right?
But one,
I am both
stronger
than I think I am and also in
a couple of areas much weaker than I
think I am. I almost took myself out.
Yeah. I had to lift something heavy over
my head, and I could just feel myself
going backwards.
But that
that's when we almost came, not to blows,
but we got a little fussy with one
another in the parking lot. Because I was
like, I'd watched him walk through Sam's, and
I had not liked what I had seen.
And I was like, please sit down. Just
just play on your phone, and I'll I
it won't be the way you like, but
I'll pack the car up. And,
you know, he insisted on, like, helping and
got got a little
little growly.
Yeah. But I I stayed with the light
stuff, the paper towels, toilet paper, you know,
that kind of stuff. So And and I'm
I'm sure it's the
constant
back and forth that you become annoyed by,
and I'm I'm trying to do what's right,
but I'm probably fucking it up of
I want
to help you take care of yourself Mhmm.
And also, obviously, let you keep as much
autonomy and ability to do shit as you
want. And I when I'm worried that you're
gonna, like, get hurt hurt, like, I I
have to remind myself about that. This this
time, especially
when I had when this little episode
popped
up, I'm I'm actually trying to do better
Mhmm. You know, in saying when,
yeah, I need help instead of trying to
power through. Yes.
Yes.
I I I'm trying to be better because
I'm I'm
gained have gained a better
understanding
of what's really going on with my back.
I
I can see that, and I agree with
that, and I'm grateful for that. I
would probably, if if I was not the
little s in this situation
Mhmm. Would
demand slash urge,
pick a word,
you to be more cautious.
Because I still think some sometimes, I still
think you go too far. But, again, you're
a grown ass adult and the dom. I'm
gonna be like, hey. Are you sure? But,
you know, ultimately, it's it's your choice.
True.
I just I do the annoying thing of
just remember the if you push too hard
today, that means you can't do shit tomorrow.
Right.
But yeah.
And and I am. I'm I am trying
to be better with that with this
because, you know, I I know,
you know, what the
outcome will be if I disregard it. Yeah.
For sure. And I do not wanna go
back to that.
No. No. I can help. By the worst
one's done. I mean, if if it if
slash when it gets too bad
consistently, like, our whole life then changes. Yeah.
In in some pretty big ways. I've I've
been doing everything I can
to to hold off surgery on this. Yeah.
That too. That too. Yeah.
So
anyhoo Yeah.
Just brought the whole room down. Sorry, y'all.
Anyhoo. What else is going going on? Let's
see. Lola is doing doing fairly well. She
is on a new pain medication Yep. That
had her apparently feeling so good. I think
we saw a little bit of her puppy
self come out. Yes. Last night. Yep. All
we did was go to we were gone
two hours, y'all. She don't usually give a
shit if we're gone two hours. Yeah. That's,
like, one of her naps. She was so
excited when we came home. She was there.
Every time we went in and out to
carry something in, she was there by the
door waiting for us.
She had that
not just the tail wag. It was the
whole Her whole body. Yep. And then she
And she had to sniff And that's everything
we brought in the house. And part of
that's her, like, dog thing, duh. But it's,
like, her breed just they sniff. Right? So
we have learned we keep her happy and
whatever when we if we walk in with
something, we let her sniff. Yeah.
I've never I I mean,
this was zoomy level energy,
but in her nose. Like, right. She wasn't
racing back and forth in Zoomies,
but her whole head so I don't I
think we've talked about this before. We got
a hack off the Internet that actually fucking
worked. When we go to Aldi and we
go to Sam's where you don't get bags
for anything, we have laundry baskets in the
trunk of the car. Mhmm. And so we
can carry that stuff in much easier just
using a laundry basket. Right. This dog sniffed
from one
end of the laundry basket I was holding.
Of course, me, the weak one is like,
it's starting to, like, drop out of my
hand. She sniffs from this side all the
way down the length of the Yeah. Laundry
basket and then back again. Like, she was
eating corn on the cob or something. She's
going back and forth.
And I just stood there and let her
do it, but she that's not not her
normal It's it's funny vibe. Because now
after
having taken Lola to the ophthalmologist
Mhmm.
The,
assistant
that was, you know, taking the picture, doing
everything,
She understood
her breed so well before she tried to
take her temperature, before she tried to take
pictures.
She she sewed
Lola the camera. She showed the, you know,
the
thermometer
Mhmm. And let her sniff until she and
yeah. Yep. So we are getting better about
that. Mhmm. I don't
the just because the Internet told me something
don't mean it's true, but the Internet said
that
terrier breeds, this the kind that need to
sniff shit, that that's a good
mental exercise for them. It kinda keeps them
sharp and keeps them engaged.
I don't know.
I just know the Internet told me that.
And she seems happy. So Right. It's not
a bad thing.
So, yeah, that's been Mhmm. That's been nice.
Yep.
I took you for your first
Oh my god. Ride on the Can Am
Oh my god. Sunday. Okay. So I don't
think we ever explained this because by the
time we started the podcast, we lived together,
and then we were long past this.
The very first time JB took me Excuse
me. On the motorcycle
when it was a two wheeled motorcycle and
he came to visit me where I used
to live in the Panhandle Of Florida,
I screamed
the whole we went a mile up the
road, but he had to get up to,
like, forty, forty five miles an hour,
because we had to go with the flow
of traffic. And,
I I screamed the whole way, and I
didn't have gloves at the time, and I
was latched on him like a monkey.
And I actually left wet hand marks in
his shirt
from how hard my palms got sweated from
the fear, the anxiety.
That was
and he's 13
before perimenopausal
levels of anxiety, by the way.
We
get on the Can Am, which is steadier.
There's no balancing. Yeah. On three fucking wheels.
I have a more comfortable seat with a
back to it.
So, technically,
I'm more,
like,
surrounded.
And he's right there, and I don't got
a lot, but I I got these thighs
will squeeze you. Okay? And so they're, like,
wrapped around his hips.
He tried to get up
to fifteen, twenty miles an hour, and I
was just behind. I was going, too fast.
Too fast. Too fast. I'm glad we didn't
have the intercom system
set up yet because I don't think you
would've I was just talking myself knowing probably
would've turned it off. You probably
at First, he tried to get up he
got up to, like, 15. I went too
fast too fast. So he backed back to
10. Then he needed to get up to
20 because we I mean and I was
like, I think it's too fast. I think
it's too fast.
I even have hand, like, grabby things. I
have a place to set my feet. I
did not have this shit the last time.
And I felt
insecure not holding on to him,
but also the hand rests the bar things
are stable. They're not going anywhere. So I
had one arm
holding the arm thing. It was my left,
and my right hand was holding his jacket.
And, I don't know what would have happened
if somehow I'd gone flying through the air.
I might have lost an arm. JB would
have lost a jacket or he was coming
with me.
I held the the handle thing so hard.
My whole arm was on fire because of
the muscle tinge.
I was like,
oh, this is
this feels like
the same level of anxiety as the first
time,
but I didn't scream,
and I got to wear my own big
girl motorcycle gloves. If I sweated through them,
I did not notice.
I just I very little voice going too
fast, too fast, too fast. He was so
comfortable at that such a slow speed. He's
got one hand on, like, the thing, and
he puts his his arm back and, like,
pats my leg. And I'm like, nope. Two
hands. Two hands. Two hands. My brain is
going, look. You're clearly fine. If he feels
comfortable
not being at the motorcycle equivalent of ten
and two,
you're fine. But it felt so fast. It
felt so fast. So
we have to get my reintroduction
to riding
back. It's gonna be a slow thing. It's
gotta be a slow Yeah. I'm gonna have
to be used to a certain speed before
he's allowed to bump up the speed.
I don't know how long it's gonna take
before I can go on a legit ride.
I used to love riding with you too.
Once I got comfortable on the motorcycle, man,
I was like, hell yeah. Let's go.
And I I was I was telling JB,
my anxiety level is more extreme than it
used to be. But also, I don't know
how other anxious people are about this, but
here's how my brain works.
My anxiety
is constantly worrying about what if my version
of the worst happens, right?
And typically, if I can plan what I
think I'll do, that's very soothing to me.
I can usually, like, usually calm down.
But
what I have discovered about myself is once
my version of what the worst what's the
worst that could happen actually happens,
like getting hit, like being flying off your
motorcycle, like going to the hospital in a
fucking ambulance, all of that,
I can never convince my brain again that
that there's it happened once. It can it's
clearly a thing that can happen. It could
happen again.
And the way perimenopause
has affected my anxiety, it's just
it it's more intense. It's more intense. And
now I am acutely aware
of how bad it can go. And he
didn't even get the worst of what could
have happened.
The,
EMTs and the nurses were were real happy
to tell us what they've had to do
for people not as fortunate as JB.
Yeah.
So, yeah, we know how bad it could,
and I trust JB. I trust JB completely.
I just still contend. If I could just
have a lap belt
and feel like I'm tied in, I think
I would be more comfortable.
Oh god.
Alright.
And Silent pointed out, my helmet. My helmet
is cute. I hope you enjoy the helmet.
It is very cute. I did. It has
built in shades. I I forgot where the
button was to slide them down, but, like,
if the sun's in my face, it it
covers. It's really cool. I have a cool
helmet.
Now I just apparently need to, like
I don't know. We actually did talk about
taking a small dose edible, see if it
would, like,
reduce the anxiety enough I could function, not
for him to drive, for me to ride.
Yeah. No.
So we might try that, see what what
that does. But, yeah, but, yeah, that that's
that's my reintroduction
to writing. Mhmm.
Okay.
So all of that, you're tired of having
to fight with audacity? I know. Tired of
having to fight with that. And,
let's wrap this up. Mhmm. And,
folks, you're gonna see us pop back in
a minute here real quick. You mean on
the livestream? Yeah. Okay. Or on a live
stream. On a live stream, not the live
stream. Mhmm. Okay. So
JB is in IT man mode, and we
just need to let him be in IT
man mode. He just needs his cape. Purple,
holographic,
sparkles.
Color changing. Absolutely.
He'd rock
it. Y'all, I'm not joking. I'm not I'm
being silly, but I'm not that's not facetious.
He would rock it. He would absolutely wear
it. We love somebody secure in their masculinity
that they're not
afraid of colors and sparkles.
Anyway,
I'll that's another bandwagon for me to get
on another time. Yeah. Another time.
Okay. We'll go. Okay. JB's gonna do his
thing. Alright. Okay. Bye, y'all.