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You're listening to the Loving BDSM podcast episode

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four thirty one. Kayla Lords here with the

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one, the only, the

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I love you so much. John Brownstone. I

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love you too, baby girl. I didn't have

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anything I could think to say that was

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snarky, so

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I went with, you know,

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relatively nice.

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I can't say sweet because I don't think

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anybody

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would use that word to describe me, certainly

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not you.

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I mean, have people thought I was sweet

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in the past? Yes. And then they got

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to know me.

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Anyhoo. I went with genuine. That's what I

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went with. Oh, okay. That's not what we're

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talking about.

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This week, we're answering questions that you asked

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us over on that handle, I will forever

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fucking hate on Instagram.

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Yep. That's what we're doing. Welcome to the

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Loving BDSM podcast. If this is your first

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time listening, glad to have you. If you're

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back for another week, welcome back. Loving BDSM

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is produced every Monday and Friday for your

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kinky pleasure in education, and show notes are

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found at lovingBDSM.net.

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Come back often and feel free to add

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the podcast to your favorite podcast app. You

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can also follow the show on FetLife at

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loving BDSM PC on Instagram and technically threads,

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so that handle I will forever fucking hate.

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It's loving d s and the number one,

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so it's at loving d s one, or

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on YouTube at youtube.com/lovingBDSM,

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or you can watch us live stream the

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podcast every Wednesday. All links are in the

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show notes.

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Okay. Okay. So,

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I'm gonna say this again because I said

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it to YouTube folks and then forgot I

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needed to say it to

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podcast folks.

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We ask for your questions over on Instagram.

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We got more than we can possibly

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answer,

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so I get to be choosy.

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But we there's no way we can get

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through all these. Some of these are massive

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topics that could be their own,

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episode.

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But

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are

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you

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red? Yes. First one. Mhmm.

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This is a big topic. I think we

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did this episode, but I'll see if we

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can be concise.

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Thoughts on age gaps in kink and how

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to be proactive about safety in that regard.

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Wow. I don't need It's a big topic.

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Yeah. It is. And it's a very personal

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kind of thing. Mhmm. Because we are an

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age gap relationship. There's eighteen years between us.

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But

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we met when I was in my early

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thirties, so it's not quite the same as

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being a 19 year old with, like, a

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50 year old.

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So my personal thought is this, and, JB,

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back me up or say something different if

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you'd like.

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To be in kink, you need to be

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a consenting

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adult. So once you are 18,

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I might have opinions on what you do,

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but it's and I might even offer guidance

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if asked for or because I've got a

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microphone and an Internet connection.

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But once you are an adult, it is

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your choice,

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your decision.

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That being said,

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I will give side eye if the only

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type of partner, a 40, 50, or 60

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year old individual,

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often but not always,

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a man,

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only wants 18, 19, 20, 20 one. Because

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why? Is it because the the partners

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in your own age range see through your

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bullshit?

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I don't know. Maybe. So,

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there's nuance to all of that. Do I

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think it is possible

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that a 20 year old and a 50

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year old can be deeply madly in love

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and there's not an inherent nonconsensual,

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power imbalance?

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Maybe. Maybe.

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Part of me is like, as as long

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as nothing is act actively illegal or harmful

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is going on, it's kind of not my

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business until

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asked. Right? Like, I want people to be

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as risk aware as they can be. I

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want folks to make good decisions.

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I know that the decisions I made at

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18, 19, 20,

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20 two when I got married for the

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first time, I would never make those decisions

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today.

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But I also know there are some people,

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I happen to have birthed one of them,

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the moment you tell them no, they go,

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oh, that means I'm definitely gonna do it

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and two times harder than I was before.

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So

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if you

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are seeing yourself

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potentially getting into a maybe future relationship with

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somebody older than you, maybe it's somebody you're

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talking to, maybe it's somebody you're interested in,

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on that end, the thing is is they

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need to work really hard

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to earn your trust, and they've got to

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earn it every damn day. But also,

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who do you have in your life that

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is,

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a a strong personality, takes no shit, is

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older than you that you consider to be

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wise?

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Do you have a support system? Because the

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other thing that the predators like to do

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is isolate. Mhmm. And they could do that

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regardless of your age.

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So it's complicated.

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I will never turn my nose up at

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age gap relationships. That would be hypocritical.

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But,

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yeah, I can look at at, two people

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and go,

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I don't think that's a

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a a negotiated consensual power imbalance. I think

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that's an older person taking advantage of a

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younger person.

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And we can not like that and we

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can discourage that, but also

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once you're a legal adult, I can, like

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I said, offer guidance, tell you what I

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think.

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But to me, that's about it. It's really

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about

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hopefully, having a good

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support system around you, strong friends,

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people you look up to, people you can

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go to for help, resources, whether it's something

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like this or, you know,

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another creator that you follow that you trust

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who can help you

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see through

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and deal with

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somebody's bullshit, who is

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from the older side down. They are older

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than you, and

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it's it's a predatory

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gross kind of thing. Yeah. If you are

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older and you're looking at younger folks, I

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don't have any experience with that. You being

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twenty years older than me. Now, again, I

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was in my thirties y'all, and that's a

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different point in life than your twenties, okay,

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or your very late teens.

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But how

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how do you what would you say from

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that opposite end? If you were an older

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person,

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like, it

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I'm sure you've seen it. I've seen it.

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An older person who is only looking to

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somebody

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drastically younger than them. Cannot relate says they

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cannot relate to anybody who is not drastically

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younger than them.

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I know what I would say to folks

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like that, but I can be a bitch.

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What would you say?

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Run.

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No. Not to the younger person. I know.

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But, like, to the older person. Oh, to

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the older person. Is there anything you would,

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like, say that maybe they need to reconsider

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or think? I could say a bitchy if

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anybody wanna.

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Gosh. I don't know. I'm I mean, I'm

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at a at a point now,

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I have 20

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reaching out to me. I know it creeps

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you out. And and it does. I know.

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It does creep you out. It absolutely does.

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Because I think about I have a I

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have a kid

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that age. And that that's yeah. You know?

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And and, like,

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no.

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No. Go away. I think it's okay if

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somebody genuinely is attracted to younger people,

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and genuinely

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you know, it's okay if there's, like,

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like, was it somebody was saying I saw

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it go up. I can't remember.

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40 something and 20 something. Right? That was

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raw, raw, medium. Okay. Okay. Thank you. It

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went up too fast. You know, do I

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think that's possible?

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Yes. It absolutely is. I just think when

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it's happening on the Internet a lot, it's

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not usually it's not always. Let's put it

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that way. It's not always on the up

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and up. Mhmm. You had somebody get mad

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at you because you were like, I'm not

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interested in this kind of age gap. Like,

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they were pissed at you. Yes. Oh, yeah.

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He is 63,

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y'all. This person was what? 20?

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20 six, 20 five, 20 six. And was

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mad at him because he went, you're too

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young for me. I'm not thank you, but

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I'm not interested. Yeah. They they they had

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originally reached out to me with a question

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and answered their question

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and a little conversation had started and then

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then she was like, you know,

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wanting more.

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I'm like, no. No. Thank you. And then

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she got pissed at me because she said

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I was wasting their time.

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So anyhoo.

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Yeah. Which just reminds you, people could be

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people regardless of are they are they younger?

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Are they older?

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Yeah. So I think it's complicated because it

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is unique to the people.

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I'm not comfortable comfortable saying something like, oh,

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if you're younger then, you can never do

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I like,

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I mean, I would say I would advise

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against it. You know? I would say, I

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would rethink that or I would go super

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fucking slow or whatever whatever. But,

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you know,

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it is personal. I think, especially if we're

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coming across

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somebody online who can say and be anything

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online with regardless of what the reality is,

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I think you have to be 10 times

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more cautious.

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I think if you are meeting somebody in

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person and you're like, wow. They feel a

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lot older than me, and I I wonder

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what kind of person they are. This is

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if you're meeting in local community like a

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munch or, you know, at a at a

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space where there are other people, once you

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find somebody that you know, see if you

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can vet them and be like, hey. Can

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you tell me about this person? Like, are

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they legit? Are there any problems I need

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to know about? Do they always go for

272
00:09:41,725 --> 00:09:44,044
somebody thirty years younger than them? Like, what

273
00:09:44,125 --> 00:09:45,504
does anybody know their deal?

274
00:09:45,964 --> 00:09:47,985
But it's always gonna be hard because anybody

275
00:09:48,284 --> 00:09:49,804
can say and do and be anything they

276
00:09:49,804 --> 00:09:51,884
want, and then the reality is they're a

277
00:09:51,884 --> 00:09:53,960
predator and that you don't always need an

278
00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:55,720
age gap for that. You know? I mean

279
00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:57,500
so

280
00:09:58,200 --> 00:10:00,679
I think it's a be cautious, but also

281
00:10:00,679 --> 00:10:01,500
we're all

282
00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:04,059
consenting adults. I go back to,

283
00:10:04,679 --> 00:10:06,600
if you are a younger person and you're

284
00:10:06,600 --> 00:10:08,299
being approached by all these older people

285
00:10:08,975 --> 00:10:10,654
and you are interested like, first of all,

286
00:10:10,654 --> 00:10:11,695
if you're not interested, just say,

287
00:10:12,654 --> 00:10:14,095
you're probably nice, but you're too old for

288
00:10:14,095 --> 00:10:15,695
me. That that's all you should have to

289
00:10:15,695 --> 00:10:17,615
do. Right? But if you are interested, then

290
00:10:17,615 --> 00:10:19,214
I think it goes back to everything that's

291
00:10:19,214 --> 00:10:22,014
kind of best practices when meeting somebody. Do

292
00:10:22,014 --> 00:10:23,639
you like them as a human being?

293
00:10:24,279 --> 00:10:26,840
Do they respect your limits? Do you feel

294
00:10:26,840 --> 00:10:28,700
free to withdraw consent?

295
00:10:29,240 --> 00:10:30,920
Or do you feel like you're being listened

296
00:10:30,920 --> 00:10:33,080
to? Are they trustworthy? All of that stuff

297
00:10:33,080 --> 00:10:35,559
continues to be true, just magnified a little

298
00:10:35,559 --> 00:10:36,615
bit is what I would

299
00:10:38,534 --> 00:10:39,034
say.

300
00:10:39,815 --> 00:10:40,315
Okay.

301
00:10:41,654 --> 00:10:43,355
Let me go to the next one.

302
00:10:45,894 --> 00:10:48,075
Whoo. Y'all had had some deep

303
00:10:48,615 --> 00:10:50,154
questions this time.

304
00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:55,420
Okay. Any advice on navigating

305
00:10:56,120 --> 00:10:59,000
purchasing and then using toys that you and

306
00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:01,899
or your partner are not actually experienced with?

307
00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:04,040
K. Say that again because I wanna call

308
00:11:04,040 --> 00:11:06,485
it the tail end. Is any

309
00:11:07,105 --> 00:11:08,325
advice Mhmm. On navigating

310
00:11:09,024 --> 00:11:11,125
the purchasing of and using

311
00:11:12,225 --> 00:11:14,544
new toys Okay. That you and your part

312
00:11:14,625 --> 00:11:16,304
and or your partner are not familiar with?

313
00:11:16,304 --> 00:11:18,304
New to you toys. You never you bought

314
00:11:18,304 --> 00:11:19,585
a flogger and you never bought a flogger.

315
00:11:19,585 --> 00:11:21,184
You never used a flogger kind of thing.

316
00:11:21,184 --> 00:11:21,600
No.

317
00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:22,500
I

318
00:11:22,879 --> 00:11:24,959
early on and and I think I was

319
00:11:24,959 --> 00:11:26,079
lucky with this,

320
00:11:27,039 --> 00:11:29,440
one of the communities in in the area

321
00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:30,259
where I lived,

322
00:11:31,759 --> 00:11:32,899
after the munch,

323
00:11:34,264 --> 00:11:35,085
they would

324
00:11:36,184 --> 00:11:37,965
hold workshops. Mhmm.

325
00:11:38,585 --> 00:11:39,085
And,

326
00:11:41,065 --> 00:11:42,904
you know, each week was a different thing.

327
00:11:42,904 --> 00:11:44,345
One one time they did,

328
00:11:44,904 --> 00:11:45,404
bloggers,

329
00:11:45,840 --> 00:11:48,320
you know, another time they they talked about

330
00:11:48,320 --> 00:11:51,120
rope bonded and things like that. So, you

331
00:11:51,120 --> 00:11:53,059
know, it's to me, it's always

332
00:11:53,519 --> 00:11:54,980
you need to get out there and

333
00:11:55,519 --> 00:11:57,460
and and learn about it, you know.

334
00:11:59,360 --> 00:12:00,820
Just like, Whipps,

335
00:12:01,394 --> 00:12:03,315
Dex, he has a book that he wrote,

336
00:12:03,315 --> 00:12:04,535
you know, about Whipps.

337
00:12:05,235 --> 00:12:07,955
You know, before before before you try any

338
00:12:07,955 --> 00:12:10,274
toys, especially something new that you knew that

339
00:12:10,274 --> 00:12:11,735
you've never used before,

340
00:12:12,115 --> 00:12:14,035
you know, you have to understand what it

341
00:12:14,035 --> 00:12:16,295
is and what it can do. Mhmm. Mhmm.

342
00:12:16,514 --> 00:12:19,259
And you it's the boring answer is you

343
00:12:19,259 --> 00:12:21,279
wanna get enough enough information,

344
00:12:21,659 --> 00:12:22,639
credible information,

345
00:12:23,740 --> 00:12:25,259
because you'll learn then what you don't know.

346
00:12:25,259 --> 00:12:26,539
Like, you'll learn that you don't know a

347
00:12:26,539 --> 00:12:28,639
lot because part of what you'll learn is

348
00:12:29,980 --> 00:12:32,394
this toy from Amazon is probably crap and

349
00:12:32,394 --> 00:12:33,914
is not really gonna do what you want

350
00:12:33,914 --> 00:12:34,975
it to do. This

351
00:12:35,434 --> 00:12:37,855
toy from this, you know, small biz maker

352
00:12:38,955 --> 00:12:41,674
might, but also even quality toys might not

353
00:12:41,674 --> 00:12:44,014
work. It it becomes a little complicated. So

354
00:12:44,075 --> 00:12:45,269
if you're dealing with

355
00:12:45,910 --> 00:12:48,889
limited resources and you only got enough to

356
00:12:49,830 --> 00:12:51,990
buy a toy right now to invest in

357
00:12:51,990 --> 00:12:53,750
a piece and and some kink you wanna

358
00:12:53,750 --> 00:12:55,210
try, some toy you wanna try,

359
00:12:55,590 --> 00:12:58,149
you're you're going please do all the research

360
00:12:58,149 --> 00:13:00,294
because some of this shit is so expensive,

361
00:13:00,294 --> 00:13:02,294
and there is nothing more disappointing than spending

362
00:13:02,294 --> 00:13:04,054
all the money you got to spend your

363
00:13:04,054 --> 00:13:05,735
whole budget on a new toy and then

364
00:13:05,735 --> 00:13:07,195
fucking hating it. Yeah.

365
00:13:08,774 --> 00:13:09,274
So,

366
00:13:09,735 --> 00:13:11,894
yeah, you if you have access to in

367
00:13:11,894 --> 00:13:13,980
person or virtual workshops where you can watch

368
00:13:13,980 --> 00:13:16,299
people and ask questions, definitely take advantage of

369
00:13:16,299 --> 00:13:18,539
that. But there are YouTube videos. There are

370
00:13:18,539 --> 00:13:19,839
books. There are,

371
00:13:22,059 --> 00:13:24,860
yeah, there there there's websites. There's there's, you

372
00:13:24,860 --> 00:13:28,240
know, places you can join. The the duchy,

373
00:13:28,384 --> 00:13:31,264
That was all bondage. Right? Yes. Yeah. So

374
00:13:31,264 --> 00:13:33,044
depends on what you wanna learn. Then

375
00:13:33,504 --> 00:13:33,745
I

376
00:13:34,384 --> 00:13:36,225
once you start kind of having some kind

377
00:13:36,225 --> 00:13:38,544
of community around you, an online space, in

378
00:13:38,544 --> 00:13:39,044
person,

379
00:13:39,985 --> 00:13:41,205
ask other kinksters

380
00:13:41,585 --> 00:13:44,029
who they like to shop with. Right? That's

381
00:13:44,029 --> 00:13:46,509
your starting point. Then you need to read

382
00:13:46,509 --> 00:13:48,990
reviews. You need to, please god, read product

383
00:13:48,990 --> 00:13:51,490
listings. Yeah. I I knew

384
00:13:51,870 --> 00:13:53,809
as a person who has worked with people

385
00:13:53,950 --> 00:13:54,769
my whole,

386
00:13:55,784 --> 00:13:57,625
adult life that a lot of people just

387
00:13:57,625 --> 00:13:59,464
don't pay attention to details and just don't

388
00:13:59,464 --> 00:14:01,225
read stuff. You can give them the information

389
00:14:01,225 --> 00:14:03,304
and they just don't read. I didn't realize

390
00:14:03,304 --> 00:14:05,464
how often that happens until I had a

391
00:14:05,464 --> 00:14:07,804
product of my own to sell. People

392
00:14:08,585 --> 00:14:10,264
would buy a thing thinking it was one

393
00:14:10,264 --> 00:14:11,799
thing when I was like, I could scroll

394
00:14:11,799 --> 00:14:13,639
down this little website page here and show

395
00:14:13,639 --> 00:14:15,480
you all the details where I explained this

396
00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:18,379
to you, but you're also surprised. Okay. Okay.

397
00:14:19,319 --> 00:14:22,279
So, yeah, like, it's a look at the

398
00:14:22,279 --> 00:14:24,600
the details of the product. Read the reviews

399
00:14:24,600 --> 00:14:26,860
about the product. Read the reviews about the

400
00:14:27,975 --> 00:14:29,195
the shop. Right?

401
00:14:32,295 --> 00:14:35,735
Now once you get said toy, whatever it

402
00:14:35,735 --> 00:14:37,495
is, I don't care how many classes you

403
00:14:37,495 --> 00:14:38,934
went to. I don't even care how many

404
00:14:38,934 --> 00:14:40,679
hands on demos you got to do.

405
00:14:41,240 --> 00:14:44,220
You with everything with everything, you gotta start

406
00:14:44,679 --> 00:14:46,059
small and slow.

407
00:14:46,440 --> 00:14:48,700
So use Impact as the the

408
00:14:49,159 --> 00:14:50,759
one that we our go to because it's

409
00:14:50,759 --> 00:14:51,419
our favorite.

410
00:14:52,955 --> 00:14:54,794
Let's do a paddle. Not just because, you

411
00:14:54,794 --> 00:14:56,235
know, JB makes them for the kangry, the

412
00:14:56,235 --> 00:14:57,375
kangry.com.

413
00:14:58,394 --> 00:14:59,995
The way correct me if I'm wrong. The

414
00:14:59,995 --> 00:15:01,514
way it usually goes with JB, he picks

415
00:15:01,514 --> 00:15:03,754
up a new implement that he is wants

416
00:15:03,754 --> 00:15:04,955
to hit me with, and he's never hit

417
00:15:04,955 --> 00:15:07,355
me with anything like this before. He's smacking

418
00:15:07,355 --> 00:15:07,855
it

419
00:15:08,315 --> 00:15:08,850
in his palm,

420
00:15:09,889 --> 00:15:11,889
palm, forearm. He might go to his own

421
00:15:11,889 --> 00:15:13,649
leg, but not usually because if I'm standing

422
00:15:13,649 --> 00:15:15,329
there, after it's hit the forearm, he's like,

423
00:15:15,329 --> 00:15:18,230
turn around. And I'm getting an experimental

424
00:15:18,690 --> 00:15:21,409
swat on the butt. Right? Yeah. And then

425
00:15:21,409 --> 00:15:23,269
from there, we're making decisions about

426
00:15:23,649 --> 00:15:25,834
what what kind of sensations, how hard could

427
00:15:25,834 --> 00:15:27,115
we go with this, how slow do we

428
00:15:27,115 --> 00:15:27,934
wanna start.

429
00:15:29,355 --> 00:15:31,834
But there's it's hard because I'm we've said

430
00:15:31,834 --> 00:15:33,514
this a lot. We'll continue to say this

431
00:15:33,514 --> 00:15:34,634
to you and learn as much as you

432
00:15:34,634 --> 00:15:36,075
can. There does come a point where it's

433
00:15:36,075 --> 00:15:38,475
like there's you could keep learning, but you

434
00:15:38,475 --> 00:15:40,254
need practical hands on.

435
00:15:40,820 --> 00:15:42,419
At that point, you need to assess risk.

436
00:15:42,419 --> 00:15:44,740
Like, if it's wax play. Right? You're starting

437
00:15:44,740 --> 00:15:47,080
wax play for the first time. Please buy,

438
00:15:47,299 --> 00:15:49,139
and not just because we sell them, pick

439
00:15:49,139 --> 00:15:52,279
the store you like, but buy actual kink

440
00:15:52,995 --> 00:15:55,075
wax play candles that are made for the

441
00:15:55,075 --> 00:15:57,575
purpose. Alright? Or a maker made,

442
00:15:58,355 --> 00:16:00,355
a massage oil for the purpose that you're

443
00:16:00,355 --> 00:16:02,355
supposed to pour on somebody hot. Do not

444
00:16:02,355 --> 00:16:03,495
go to Walmart

445
00:16:04,115 --> 00:16:06,560
and buy a Walmart brand Yankee candle and

446
00:16:06,560 --> 00:16:09,540
pour it on somebody. Right? Oh, no. Right.

447
00:16:09,920 --> 00:16:10,420
Right.

448
00:16:11,440 --> 00:16:14,080
But even then so wax play. The first

449
00:16:14,080 --> 00:16:15,600
time we tried, it's well, not how I

450
00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:17,700
learned I don't like paraffin that much, personally.

451
00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:21,075
You know? JB went he poured it on

452
00:16:21,075 --> 00:16:23,235
himself a little bit first to to know

453
00:16:23,235 --> 00:16:24,434
what it's like. So if you're the dom

454
00:16:24,434 --> 00:16:26,115
or the top, that is a huge recommendation

455
00:16:26,115 --> 00:16:28,914
we have. And then we played with sensation.

456
00:16:28,914 --> 00:16:31,714
He poured from way up high, and he

457
00:16:31,794 --> 00:16:33,169
each time he would, you know, melt the

458
00:16:33,169 --> 00:16:34,289
can a little bit and pour and go

459
00:16:34,289 --> 00:16:35,570
down and go down until we hit. By

460
00:16:35,570 --> 00:16:36,769
that point, I was like, if you touch

461
00:16:36,769 --> 00:16:38,789
me with this wax at this level,

462
00:16:39,250 --> 00:16:41,410
I will not be happy. Don't like this.

463
00:16:41,410 --> 00:16:43,250
Right? And so you play with it before

464
00:16:43,250 --> 00:16:44,470
you do a scene with it.

465
00:16:45,215 --> 00:16:48,095
And it is both that simple and that

466
00:16:48,095 --> 00:16:48,595
complicated.

467
00:16:50,174 --> 00:16:50,674
Okay.

468
00:16:53,054 --> 00:16:56,115
Let's see. Let's go to another one.

469
00:16:57,054 --> 00:16:58,035
This is deep.

470
00:16:58,575 --> 00:16:59,075
K.

471
00:17:00,100 --> 00:17:02,600
How to forgive your partner after betrayal?

472
00:17:03,779 --> 00:17:05,640
Here's the thing. I think it's a personality

473
00:17:05,700 --> 00:17:07,640
thing because I'm not one who could.

474
00:17:08,900 --> 00:17:10,259
I might be able to forgive you in

475
00:17:10,259 --> 00:17:12,099
that sense of I won't carry that energy

476
00:17:12,099 --> 00:17:13,700
around, and I won't think much about you

477
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:15,444
anymore, and you're not a focus of of

478
00:17:15,444 --> 00:17:16,984
my thoughts, that kind of forgiveness.

479
00:17:18,164 --> 00:17:20,724
But me, personally, my personality type, I don't

480
00:17:20,724 --> 00:17:22,964
forget. That will always be there. And I,

481
00:17:22,964 --> 00:17:24,724
personally, with all my trust issues, will have

482
00:17:24,724 --> 00:17:26,984
to work through that every damn day. Uh-uh.

483
00:17:27,044 --> 00:17:28,980
So for me, there is none of that.

484
00:17:29,220 --> 00:17:31,319
Yeah. I depending on on

485
00:17:31,700 --> 00:17:33,000
what what it is,

486
00:17:33,539 --> 00:17:35,859
you know, there there are certain things. I

487
00:17:35,859 --> 00:17:38,119
I have certain bounds myself,

488
00:17:40,900 --> 00:17:41,799
you know, where

489
00:17:42,785 --> 00:17:43,845
that are my limits

490
00:17:44,304 --> 00:17:46,325
with that. Mhmm. So

491
00:17:49,105 --> 00:17:49,904
I don't know. It's,

492
00:17:50,544 --> 00:17:52,944
It's deeply personal because it's what what was

493
00:17:52,944 --> 00:17:53,605
the betrayal?

494
00:17:54,065 --> 00:17:56,644
Mhmm. What are your own personal trust issues

495
00:17:56,670 --> 00:17:57,490
like? Right.

496
00:17:58,509 --> 00:18:00,750
I know myself, just like you, I I

497
00:18:00,750 --> 00:18:01,410
could forgive.

498
00:18:02,190 --> 00:18:03,809
Can't forget. Wouldn't know.

499
00:18:04,470 --> 00:18:04,970
Mhmm.

500
00:18:05,789 --> 00:18:07,710
You know, what have they done to not

501
00:18:07,710 --> 00:18:09,345
just show that they're sorry? It's it's real

502
00:18:09,345 --> 00:18:10,625
easy for a lot of people to tell

503
00:18:10,704 --> 00:18:12,065
show you how sorry they are, to tell

504
00:18:12,065 --> 00:18:13,585
you how sorry they are. What have they

505
00:18:13,585 --> 00:18:15,345
done to change their behavior? What have they

506
00:18:15,345 --> 00:18:17,424
done to make amends? What have they done

507
00:18:17,424 --> 00:18:19,265
to show that they've learned from it? And

508
00:18:19,265 --> 00:18:20,005
even then,

509
00:18:20,785 --> 00:18:22,440
that don't mean you gotta take them back.

510
00:18:23,639 --> 00:18:25,559
Let somebody go learn and do better on

511
00:18:25,559 --> 00:18:27,960
their own so you can go forth and

512
00:18:27,960 --> 00:18:29,960
find the person who won't betray you in

513
00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:31,019
the first place.

514
00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:33,480
But I'm a bitch when it comes to

515
00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:35,159
shit like that. I have met people. I

516
00:18:35,159 --> 00:18:37,159
have known people who are like, we went

517
00:18:37,159 --> 00:18:39,605
through this rough time. Time. This partner,

518
00:18:39,984 --> 00:18:42,865
you know, betrayed my trust, stepped outside of

519
00:18:42,865 --> 00:18:45,105
our relationship, whatever whatever, like, did the thing

520
00:18:45,105 --> 00:18:47,025
I begged them not to do. And they

521
00:18:47,184 --> 00:18:48,464
what they say is we worked through it

522
00:18:48,464 --> 00:18:49,285
and we're together.

523
00:18:49,984 --> 00:18:51,984
I am so happy for you. You are

524
00:18:51,984 --> 00:18:53,460
a a I am not that kind of

525
00:18:53,460 --> 00:18:56,259
person. Yeah. No. Even once I get over

526
00:18:56,259 --> 00:18:57,640
being angry about it,

527
00:18:58,980 --> 00:19:00,980
I still remember the feeling of the betrayal.

528
00:19:00,980 --> 00:19:02,420
And so you don't get a second chance.

529
00:19:02,420 --> 00:19:03,700
If it gets to a point, I'm gonna

530
00:19:03,700 --> 00:19:04,759
call it betrayal.

531
00:19:06,500 --> 00:19:09,015
No. So if you are a person who

532
00:19:09,634 --> 00:19:12,275
can do that and, you know, is able

533
00:19:12,275 --> 00:19:13,494
and willing to,

534
00:19:14,195 --> 00:19:16,215
that per whoever that person is, they've

535
00:19:17,795 --> 00:19:19,875
they've gotta work real hard to earn your

536
00:19:19,875 --> 00:19:21,715
trust and then they gotta work every fucking

537
00:19:21,715 --> 00:19:22,319
day to keep

538
00:19:23,119 --> 00:19:24,960
it. And they gotta not mind that you

539
00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:26,960
might give them side eye from time to

540
00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:28,799
time, and you might not believe them all

541
00:19:28,799 --> 00:19:31,139
the time because they did that shit.

542
00:19:33,119 --> 00:19:33,619
But

543
00:19:34,240 --> 00:19:35,839
I would say you're a better human being

544
00:19:35,839 --> 00:19:38,234
than I am if you can do that.

545
00:19:38,875 --> 00:19:39,375
Because

546
00:19:40,015 --> 00:19:40,515
I

547
00:19:41,154 --> 00:19:41,654
don't

548
00:19:42,375 --> 00:19:42,875
okay.

549
00:19:43,414 --> 00:19:45,174
So this is a big topic, so we'll

550
00:19:45,174 --> 00:19:47,015
try this next one. We'll try to keep

551
00:19:47,015 --> 00:19:48,710
it to highlights. We have talked about these

552
00:19:48,710 --> 00:19:51,190
things in different ways. Mhmm. We have a

553
00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:51,690
thing

554
00:19:52,070 --> 00:19:53,269
that we will be doing that we can't

555
00:19:53,269 --> 00:19:54,950
talk about or promote yet where we will

556
00:19:54,950 --> 00:19:56,950
kind of talk about this again coming up

557
00:19:56,950 --> 00:19:58,549
because it's a hot topic a lot of

558
00:19:58,549 --> 00:20:00,710
people tend to wanna know about. This person's

559
00:20:00,710 --> 00:20:02,490
question is how to reintroduce

560
00:20:02,974 --> 00:20:04,595
a dynamic when life,

561
00:20:04,974 --> 00:20:07,455
for example, having a baby, has got in

562
00:20:07,455 --> 00:20:08,115
the way.

563
00:20:08,815 --> 00:20:09,955
No. No. No. No. No.

564
00:20:10,335 --> 00:20:12,414
No. First of all first of all, here's

565
00:20:12,414 --> 00:20:13,615
what I want you to do if you

566
00:20:13,615 --> 00:20:14,595
were this person.

567
00:20:15,055 --> 00:20:15,714
Not this

568
00:20:16,015 --> 00:20:17,934
not this specific person, but a person who

569
00:20:17,934 --> 00:20:18,450
can relate.

570
00:20:18,929 --> 00:20:20,789
I want you to say to yourself,

571
00:20:21,409 --> 00:20:23,490
I have not failed at kink. I am

572
00:20:23,490 --> 00:20:25,190
not failing at power exchange.

573
00:20:25,730 --> 00:20:28,769
This is how life goes. Yep. This is

574
00:20:28,769 --> 00:20:29,269
normal

575
00:20:29,730 --> 00:20:31,409
for life to get in the way because

576
00:20:31,409 --> 00:20:34,384
it will. Life's gonna life. At every fucking

577
00:20:34,445 --> 00:20:34,945
opportunity.

578
00:20:36,205 --> 00:20:36,705
This

579
00:20:37,164 --> 00:20:37,904
is normal.

580
00:20:39,085 --> 00:20:41,005
So for anybody who might be walking around

581
00:20:41,005 --> 00:20:43,005
feeling a little shitty about that, just keep

582
00:20:43,005 --> 00:20:44,924
saying that to yourself. Kayla said this is

583
00:20:44,924 --> 00:20:46,924
normal. Okay. I'm happy to be the voice

584
00:20:46,924 --> 00:20:47,964
in your head if you need me to

585
00:20:47,964 --> 00:20:50,399
be. Now I mean, that's scary. It is

586
00:20:50,399 --> 00:20:52,240
terrifying. I'm happy to be it. I'm not

587
00:20:52,240 --> 00:20:53,919
saying it's a good choice you've made there,

588
00:20:53,919 --> 00:20:55,619
but I'm happy to do that for you.

589
00:20:56,399 --> 00:20:56,899
So

590
00:20:57,519 --> 00:20:58,500
now you're ready

591
00:20:58,880 --> 00:21:01,059
to to get some semblance back.

592
00:21:01,440 --> 00:21:02,579
What say you?

593
00:21:06,965 --> 00:21:09,365
Low and slow. Low and slow. Low and

594
00:21:09,365 --> 00:21:12,164
slow. You know? That that's that's your best

595
00:21:12,164 --> 00:21:12,985
best thing.

596
00:21:13,845 --> 00:21:16,019
Yeah. We're we're kinda in that right now.

597
00:21:16,420 --> 00:21:18,820
We're, we're we're rebuilding. We're not,

598
00:21:20,339 --> 00:21:22,900
you know, oh, we had this dynamic prior

599
00:21:22,900 --> 00:21:24,660
unless, you know, we're gonna jump in and

600
00:21:24,900 --> 00:21:27,220
No. I no. I'm very skeptical of jumping

601
00:21:27,220 --> 00:21:29,619
straight back in. Right. Especially if the the

602
00:21:29,619 --> 00:21:31,934
life that got in the way is an

603
00:21:31,934 --> 00:21:34,095
ongoing thing. Like that person's example having a

604
00:21:34,095 --> 00:21:36,174
baby, well, you're now a parent for fucking

605
00:21:36,174 --> 00:21:36,674
life.

606
00:21:37,214 --> 00:21:39,534
Being the parent of somebody, being a caregiver

607
00:21:39,534 --> 00:21:40,894
to a child, I don't care how what

608
00:21:40,894 --> 00:21:43,474
the familial relationship is. Being the

609
00:21:43,940 --> 00:21:47,160
main caregiver or the even 50% caregiver

610
00:21:48,180 --> 00:21:49,160
of a child

611
00:21:49,619 --> 00:21:52,500
is designed to disrupt your the fun you'd

612
00:21:52,500 --> 00:21:54,039
like to be having as an adult.

613
00:21:54,980 --> 00:21:57,424
That's just the nature of it. So in

614
00:21:57,424 --> 00:21:59,505
that case, low and slow is your only

615
00:21:59,505 --> 00:22:01,984
option. Right. Right? Like, depending on what that

616
00:22:02,065 --> 00:22:04,305
those child that child's needs are. Right? Their

617
00:22:04,305 --> 00:22:06,085
nap schedule, their sleep schedule,

618
00:22:06,545 --> 00:22:08,005
you know, whatever.

619
00:22:10,569 --> 00:22:12,809
We we have we've not given ourselves a

620
00:22:12,809 --> 00:22:14,730
time frame for getting back, but we have

621
00:22:14,730 --> 00:22:17,210
talked about focusing on it this year in

622
00:22:17,210 --> 00:22:20,650
2025. Yeah. That does not mean on 01/01/2026,

623
00:22:20,650 --> 00:22:23,390
we'll be like, done. Yeah. It just means

624
00:22:23,609 --> 00:22:25,904
we're we're giving ourselves a full

625
00:22:26,365 --> 00:22:28,765
year to see with to be thinking about

626
00:22:28,765 --> 00:22:30,924
our power exchange with intention, to see what

627
00:22:30,924 --> 00:22:32,205
we get to. And then at that point,

628
00:22:32,205 --> 00:22:33,404
we'll see what we wanna do next. See

629
00:22:33,404 --> 00:22:34,684
where we land and then where we wanna

630
00:22:34,684 --> 00:22:36,305
go from there. And

631
00:22:37,490 --> 00:22:40,150
that's without having something as life changing

632
00:22:40,769 --> 00:22:43,009
as a child to care for, an an

633
00:22:43,009 --> 00:22:45,009
elderly adult in your life to care for.

634
00:22:45,009 --> 00:22:46,549
Like, whatever it is that disrupts.

635
00:22:47,009 --> 00:22:49,424
Major financial upheaval, we lived through that. We're

636
00:22:49,664 --> 00:22:50,945
technically a little bit still in it, but

637
00:22:50,945 --> 00:22:52,005
it's much better now.

638
00:22:52,545 --> 00:22:55,205
That was multiple years of it. Right? So

639
00:22:56,625 --> 00:22:58,705
low and slow. When you're getting back to

640
00:22:58,705 --> 00:23:00,305
it, the way I always think of it

641
00:23:00,305 --> 00:23:03,025
is you've got to remind yourselves, both of

642
00:23:03,025 --> 00:23:05,289
you, however many of you there are, that

643
00:23:05,289 --> 00:23:07,130
you enjoy this. So because it can be

644
00:23:07,130 --> 00:23:08,730
a little stressful to think about trying to

645
00:23:08,730 --> 00:23:10,329
do something you used to do, but now

646
00:23:10,329 --> 00:23:12,730
everything's different. And you're not quite the same

647
00:23:12,730 --> 00:23:14,809
person anymore, and life isn't the same anymore.

648
00:23:14,809 --> 00:23:16,490
And, also, what if I forgot to do

649
00:23:16,490 --> 00:23:18,244
this? What if I don't like what if

650
00:23:18,244 --> 00:23:20,164
what if wait. I don't like to assume

651
00:23:20,164 --> 00:23:22,325
everybody drowns in what ifs, but I know

652
00:23:22,325 --> 00:23:23,784
many of you do. So,

653
00:23:26,325 --> 00:23:27,784
so the thing I always say

654
00:23:28,164 --> 00:23:30,184
is pick the thing that you mutually

655
00:23:31,519 --> 00:23:33,759
are super excited, like, you miss the most,

656
00:23:33,759 --> 00:23:36,000
you love the most together. Like, that Venn

657
00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:37,059
diagram of

658
00:23:37,359 --> 00:23:39,200
what I like to do in King Compare

659
00:23:39,200 --> 00:23:40,720
Exchange, what they like to do in King

660
00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:43,299
Compare Exchange. What's the overlap? Of that overlap,

661
00:23:43,359 --> 00:23:44,339
what is the thing

662
00:23:44,734 --> 00:23:46,255
that you're both like, oh my god. It'll

663
00:23:46,255 --> 00:23:47,615
be amazing if we could just get a

664
00:23:47,615 --> 00:23:50,015
little taste of this. That's the thing you

665
00:23:50,015 --> 00:23:50,835
start with.

666
00:23:51,295 --> 00:23:51,795
Now

667
00:23:52,335 --> 00:23:54,414
that thing might be some elaborate scene that

668
00:23:54,414 --> 00:23:56,430
lasted two hours that you used to do,

669
00:23:56,590 --> 00:23:58,269
and you ain't got two hours right now

670
00:23:58,269 --> 00:24:00,910
or the energy for two hours. Okay. Now

671
00:24:00,910 --> 00:24:02,049
that's what we talk about,

672
00:24:02,590 --> 00:24:03,490
low and slow.

673
00:24:03,869 --> 00:24:05,630
Take that thing, break it down into pieces.

674
00:24:05,630 --> 00:24:06,769
What what element

675
00:24:07,230 --> 00:24:09,230
of that kink scene, what element of that

676
00:24:09,230 --> 00:24:11,625
activity can you fit into the ten, fifteen,

677
00:24:11,625 --> 00:24:13,705
twenty minutes you might have in a day?

678
00:24:13,705 --> 00:24:14,205
Right?

679
00:24:15,224 --> 00:24:17,224
You build up from there. You have to

680
00:24:17,224 --> 00:24:19,705
remind yourself of, hey. This is fun. I

681
00:24:19,705 --> 00:24:22,265
like this. This feels good. I like this

682
00:24:22,265 --> 00:24:25,484
connection. Look at us having intimacy together again.

683
00:24:25,705 --> 00:24:26,525
And it can

684
00:24:26,899 --> 00:24:29,559
slowly over time in fits and starts

685
00:24:29,859 --> 00:24:32,579
then become a self fulfilling prophecy where you're

686
00:24:32,579 --> 00:24:34,740
like, this felt good. Let's do it again

687
00:24:34,740 --> 00:24:37,220
instead of what if it doesn't feel good

688
00:24:37,220 --> 00:24:39,059
anymore? What if I forgotten how to do

689
00:24:39,059 --> 00:24:39,315
it?

690
00:24:39,875 --> 00:24:41,335
What if? What if? What if? Right?

691
00:24:42,194 --> 00:24:44,674
So but then in always and always and

692
00:24:44,674 --> 00:24:47,474
always, life is going to fuck up whatever

693
00:24:47,474 --> 00:24:48,754
plans you make. Right? You're gonna be like,

694
00:24:48,754 --> 00:24:49,894
we're gonna do this

695
00:24:50,434 --> 00:24:52,115
every Saturday night. I don't know. I don't

696
00:24:52,115 --> 00:24:52,934
know your life.

697
00:24:53,299 --> 00:24:55,940
And one Saturday, nope. You got a sick

698
00:24:55,940 --> 00:24:58,759
kid. You gotta work overtime. You got right?

699
00:24:59,220 --> 00:25:00,500
It's gonna get in the way. And then

700
00:25:00,500 --> 00:25:02,039
it's about, okay, how do we

701
00:25:02,579 --> 00:25:04,980
pivot? How do we, you know, shift? Does

702
00:25:04,980 --> 00:25:06,259
it mean that, okay, we didn't do it

703
00:25:06,259 --> 00:25:08,144
this week? Does it mean we schedule for

704
00:25:08,144 --> 00:25:09,845
another day? Does it mean

705
00:25:10,144 --> 00:25:12,404
we take a a little bit of something

706
00:25:12,545 --> 00:25:14,384
that we have? We've got ten minutes tomorrow

707
00:25:14,384 --> 00:25:16,965
morning, and we'll Mhmm. For us, for literal

708
00:25:17,025 --> 00:25:17,525
years,

709
00:25:18,384 --> 00:25:20,785
the most kink action that I we could

710
00:25:20,785 --> 00:25:21,525
get consistently

711
00:25:22,460 --> 00:25:24,940
was, JB smacking my butt a few times

712
00:25:24,940 --> 00:25:26,299
before we got in bed to go to

713
00:25:26,299 --> 00:25:26,799
sleep.

714
00:25:27,340 --> 00:25:29,420
But it was our one guaranteed point of

715
00:25:29,420 --> 00:25:29,920
connection

716
00:25:30,460 --> 00:25:31,359
True. In

717
00:25:31,740 --> 00:25:33,519
a very hectic stressful

718
00:25:34,315 --> 00:25:37,134
life that was not affording us the opportunities

719
00:25:38,154 --> 00:25:39,275
to get our kink on in the way

720
00:25:39,275 --> 00:25:39,934
we like.

721
00:25:41,674 --> 00:25:42,255
So yeah.

722
00:25:43,035 --> 00:25:43,535
Okay.

723
00:25:44,634 --> 00:25:46,555
And now everybody in live chat is talking

724
00:25:46,555 --> 00:25:48,634
about brisket Yep. And I would like some

725
00:25:48,634 --> 00:25:49,134
brisket.

726
00:25:51,090 --> 00:25:51,590
Okay.

727
00:25:59,170 --> 00:26:01,170
Okay. Can I change from being a sub

728
00:26:01,170 --> 00:26:02,070
to a dom?

729
00:26:02,394 --> 00:26:04,575
I'm having the weird feeling that I

730
00:26:06,315 --> 00:26:07,214
enjoy more

731
00:26:07,994 --> 00:26:09,295
or am I just a switch?

732
00:26:10,714 --> 00:26:12,554
Can you change your mind? Or can your

733
00:26:12,554 --> 00:26:14,154
life change? Or can your view on things

734
00:26:14,154 --> 00:26:15,960
change? And you go I don't feel the

735
00:26:15,960 --> 00:26:16,519
sub thing as

736
00:26:17,160 --> 00:26:19,480
I feel the dom energy more. Abso fucking

737
00:26:19,480 --> 00:26:21,640
lutely. Mhmm. If you want to think of

738
00:26:21,640 --> 00:26:24,200
yourself as a switch, whether you it's years

739
00:26:24,200 --> 00:26:26,519
before you switch back again, that's cool. If

740
00:26:26,519 --> 00:26:27,259
you don't,

741
00:26:27,585 --> 00:26:29,424
that's cool. You can be whatever you want

742
00:26:29,424 --> 00:26:30,085
to be.

743
00:26:30,464 --> 00:26:33,025
It's about what fits you and feels right

744
00:26:33,025 --> 00:26:34,865
to you. What feels comfortable to you. Mhmm.

745
00:26:34,865 --> 00:26:36,544
You're not doing it wrong. You didn't do

746
00:26:36,544 --> 00:26:38,065
it wrong before. If you're like, oh, I

747
00:26:38,065 --> 00:26:39,664
did the sub thing, but that that's not

748
00:26:39,664 --> 00:26:41,789
quite right right now. This dom thing is.

749
00:26:41,789 --> 00:26:43,630
Does that does it bring does that bring

750
00:26:43,630 --> 00:26:45,390
you to your happy place? Mhmm. Are you

751
00:26:45,390 --> 00:26:47,470
having a good time? Are you are you

752
00:26:47,470 --> 00:26:49,869
connecting with new and or existing partners in

753
00:26:49,869 --> 00:26:51,090
ways you haven't before?

754
00:26:51,789 --> 00:26:52,289
Right?

755
00:26:52,910 --> 00:26:54,670
And if you label that being a switch

756
00:26:54,670 --> 00:26:56,535
or not, that is completely personal

757
00:26:57,095 --> 00:26:58,795
to you. You know,

758
00:26:59,095 --> 00:27:02,394
yes. The majority of switches that I know

759
00:27:02,455 --> 00:27:05,095
can and do in different with different partners

760
00:27:05,095 --> 00:27:05,994
and or different

761
00:27:07,095 --> 00:27:08,715
settings or mindsets or whatever

762
00:27:09,039 --> 00:27:11,039
go back and forth? Absolutely. But I know

763
00:27:11,039 --> 00:27:13,359
people who, you know, consider themselves to be

764
00:27:13,359 --> 00:27:14,259
a switch but

765
00:27:14,559 --> 00:27:15,440
99%

766
00:27:15,440 --> 00:27:17,140
of their time they're kind of in

767
00:27:17,519 --> 00:27:19,299
one side of the slash or the other

768
00:27:19,680 --> 00:27:21,200
and that's fine too. And then there are

769
00:27:21,200 --> 00:27:22,019
people who

770
00:27:22,345 --> 00:27:23,865
don't use that label, and they don't wanna

771
00:27:23,865 --> 00:27:25,225
use labels at all, and they just wanna

772
00:27:25,225 --> 00:27:26,424
let go with it. All of that is

773
00:27:26,424 --> 00:27:26,924
valid.

774
00:27:27,305 --> 00:27:28,365
All of that is valid.

775
00:27:31,625 --> 00:27:34,585
And now somebody's talking about ribs in Yep.

776
00:27:34,664 --> 00:27:36,684
Live chat. Y'all are making my mouth water.

777
00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:38,900
Okay.

778
00:27:39,519 --> 00:27:41,680
This is an interesting question because I think

779
00:27:41,680 --> 00:27:42,980
it's a nuanced one.

780
00:27:43,359 --> 00:27:46,080
Is there a difference between twenty four seven

781
00:27:46,080 --> 00:27:49,299
and total power exchange, a k a TPE?

782
00:27:51,984 --> 00:27:53,285
I think so for sure.

783
00:27:56,144 --> 00:27:58,065
Yeah. Yeah. I think so. And I also

784
00:27:58,065 --> 00:28:00,325
think it's okay if somebody uses the terms

785
00:28:00,464 --> 00:28:00,964
interchangeably.

786
00:28:01,744 --> 00:28:02,970
Again, it's it goes back to a personal

787
00:28:04,169 --> 00:28:05,823
thing. We all need to have a top

788
00:28:05,823 --> 00:28:07,210
level understanding of what these terms essentially mean,

789
00:28:07,210 --> 00:28:08,617
and then you can kinda use them in

790
00:28:08,617 --> 00:28:11,450
the way that fits you best. So total

791
00:28:11,450 --> 00:28:14,409
power exchange, in my mind, the way I

792
00:28:14,409 --> 00:28:15,950
tend to think of that,

793
00:28:16,250 --> 00:28:16,990
that is

794
00:28:18,305 --> 00:28:21,025
the Dom is in charge of every fucking

795
00:28:21,025 --> 00:28:23,204
thing. Mhmm. Now what that means in,

796
00:28:24,384 --> 00:28:25,365
practical terms

797
00:28:26,625 --> 00:28:27,984
varies. Right? Is it you have to ask

798
00:28:27,984 --> 00:28:28,964
permission for everything,

799
00:28:29,265 --> 00:28:31,025
or is it that you don't do anything

800
00:28:31,025 --> 00:28:32,950
that your Dom has not already preapproved that

801
00:28:32,950 --> 00:28:34,549
you're allowed to do? It can mean a

802
00:28:34,549 --> 00:28:37,130
variety of things. Twenty four seven, we adapted

803
00:28:38,549 --> 00:28:39,049
adopted?

804
00:28:39,350 --> 00:28:39,850
Adapt.

805
00:28:40,470 --> 00:28:43,190
We changed things up for ourselves because twenty

806
00:28:43,190 --> 00:28:43,690
four

807
00:28:44,789 --> 00:28:46,230
seven, people would say

808
00:28:46,549 --> 00:28:48,295
some say, well, that's just like 20 that's

809
00:28:48,295 --> 00:28:50,215
just like Total Power Exchange because you're in

810
00:28:50,215 --> 00:28:52,055
your roles twenty four seven, so clearly the

811
00:28:52,055 --> 00:28:54,055
dom is in charge every moment of every

812
00:28:54,055 --> 00:28:55,894
day. And I'll I think some people see

813
00:28:55,894 --> 00:28:57,414
that as, oh, well, that means the dom

814
00:28:57,414 --> 00:28:59,115
is constantly giving permission, constantly,

815
00:28:59,975 --> 00:29:02,283
saying yes or no, constantly being asked and

816
00:29:02,283 --> 00:29:05,826
con right? We had to change and shift

817
00:29:05,826 --> 00:29:08,975
how we think of twenty four seven because

818
00:29:08,975 --> 00:29:12,124
life lifed. Right? So for us, twenty four

819
00:29:12,124 --> 00:29:15,273
seven means we are always a daddy domino

820
00:29:15,273 --> 00:29:17,274
baby girl, a a submissive,

821
00:29:17,815 --> 00:29:19,974
a masochist, or whatever. Right? We are always

822
00:29:19,974 --> 00:29:20,794
those people,

823
00:29:21,174 --> 00:29:21,674
and

824
00:29:22,054 --> 00:29:22,554
we

825
00:29:23,575 --> 00:29:26,134
have set up our life where primarily we

826
00:29:26,134 --> 00:29:29,034
move through our life within those roles.

827
00:29:29,450 --> 00:29:31,369
We do have some exceptions that are just,

828
00:29:31,369 --> 00:29:32,509
in my mind, practical.

829
00:29:33,369 --> 00:29:35,609
Parenting is not part of power exchange. That's

830
00:29:35,609 --> 00:29:37,769
a whole separate thing, and we are dead

831
00:29:37,769 --> 00:29:38,990
ass equals in it.

832
00:29:39,930 --> 00:29:42,325
But because he is always daddy, and he

833
00:29:42,325 --> 00:29:45,525
is always ultimately the decider if a decision

834
00:29:45,525 --> 00:29:46,424
needs to be made.

835
00:29:46,805 --> 00:29:48,164
We are twenty four seven in that way.

836
00:29:48,164 --> 00:29:49,765
Because there's not a time when a decision

837
00:29:49,765 --> 00:29:50,884
doesn't need to be made. I'm not gonna

838
00:29:50,884 --> 00:29:51,924
look to him and go, what do you

839
00:29:51,924 --> 00:29:54,244
wanna do? The only time I won't is

840
00:29:54,244 --> 00:29:56,485
when he says, my mental health will not

841
00:29:56,485 --> 00:29:58,390
let me do this. Just just do what

842
00:29:58,390 --> 00:30:00,089
you think is best because I trust you.

843
00:30:00,470 --> 00:30:02,150
Now there are sticklers out there who go,

844
00:30:02,150 --> 00:30:03,509
well, that means you're not really twenty four

845
00:30:03,509 --> 00:30:05,190
seven or because parenting is not part of

846
00:30:05,190 --> 00:30:06,309
our power exchange. Well, that means you're not

847
00:30:06,309 --> 00:30:08,150
really twenty four seven. Well, no. We are

848
00:30:08,150 --> 00:30:10,410
who we are every moment of the day.

849
00:30:10,549 --> 00:30:11,049
And

850
00:30:12,284 --> 00:30:13,664
in 95%

851
00:30:14,044 --> 00:30:14,784
of situations,

852
00:30:15,085 --> 00:30:16,924
our power exchange is gonna govern what we

853
00:30:16,924 --> 00:30:20,065
do. Yeah. There's no off for it unless

854
00:30:20,605 --> 00:30:23,085
under very specific circumstances. And I don't know

855
00:30:23,085 --> 00:30:25,005
about y'all, but I I like to do

856
00:30:25,005 --> 00:30:26,700
this funny little thing called sleep.

857
00:30:28,779 --> 00:30:29,919
Yeah. I know. Right?

858
00:30:32,139 --> 00:30:32,639
So,

859
00:30:35,980 --> 00:30:37,179
yeah, 247,

860
00:30:37,179 --> 00:30:37,839
to me,

861
00:30:38,779 --> 00:30:40,000
247

862
00:30:40,139 --> 00:30:42,634
is, like, maybe its own broad category,

863
00:30:42,934 --> 00:30:45,095
and a subset of twenty four seven could

864
00:30:45,095 --> 00:30:46,535
be Total Power Exchange. I could see the

865
00:30:46,535 --> 00:30:48,535
argument for somebody saying Total Power Exchange is

866
00:30:48,535 --> 00:30:50,695
the umbrella and twenty four seven is I

867
00:30:50,695 --> 00:30:53,174
don't know which it is. But there was

868
00:30:53,174 --> 00:30:55,115
a time I would have called us

869
00:30:55,660 --> 00:30:58,000
Total Power Exchange because he was always daddy.

870
00:30:58,140 --> 00:31:00,299
He was always the dom. He's always in

871
00:31:00,299 --> 00:31:00,799
charge.

872
00:31:01,500 --> 00:31:03,259
And, ultimately, it's not even about always being

873
00:31:03,259 --> 00:31:04,880
in charge. He's always the decider.

874
00:31:05,180 --> 00:31:07,039
He always has that control and that power,

875
00:31:07,500 --> 00:31:09,375
unless he he gives it up for any

876
00:31:09,454 --> 00:31:11,394
specific reason or it's parenting related.

877
00:31:12,174 --> 00:31:14,095
Man, we we clash over the parenting stuff

878
00:31:14,095 --> 00:31:14,595
sometimes.

879
00:31:16,015 --> 00:31:17,535
When he gets to see that side of

880
00:31:17,535 --> 00:31:18,755
me as not his submissive.

881
00:31:20,974 --> 00:31:23,890
And I think he knows why I intimidate

882
00:31:24,029 --> 00:31:26,369
a lot of potential people away from me

883
00:31:26,829 --> 00:31:27,329
because,

884
00:31:28,349 --> 00:31:30,509
no, there's no service in that part of

885
00:31:30,509 --> 00:31:31,170
my persona.

886
00:31:32,269 --> 00:31:33,470
But I there was a time I would

887
00:31:33,470 --> 00:31:34,815
have said total power exchange, and then now

888
00:31:34,815 --> 00:31:36,335
it made more sense to say twenty four

889
00:31:36,335 --> 00:31:38,414
seven. Because to me, twenty four seven means

890
00:31:38,414 --> 00:31:39,394
it's it's ongoing.

891
00:31:39,934 --> 00:31:42,095
Bedroom only, to me, does not necessarily mean

892
00:31:42,095 --> 00:31:44,095
that it's always only sexual. It just means

893
00:31:44,095 --> 00:31:45,694
that there's specific times, and it tends to

894
00:31:45,694 --> 00:31:47,394
be behind closed doors. Right?

895
00:31:48,575 --> 00:31:49,634
But, again, it's

896
00:31:51,190 --> 00:31:53,750
it's personal. You know? Let me say again.

897
00:31:53,750 --> 00:31:55,289
I think we all need to start with

898
00:31:55,350 --> 00:31:57,910
a similar broad understanding of what these terms

899
00:31:57,910 --> 00:32:00,710
mean because words do mean things. But then

900
00:32:00,710 --> 00:32:02,630
I think we can use those terms. We

901
00:32:02,630 --> 00:32:04,870
can make them fit us instead of us

902
00:32:04,870 --> 00:32:06,015
having to fit them

903
00:32:06,575 --> 00:32:07,634
is what I think.

904
00:32:08,095 --> 00:32:08,595
Mhmm.

905
00:32:08,894 --> 00:32:10,815
You poor thing having to mess with the

906
00:32:10,815 --> 00:32:12,595
audio this whole time. Yep.

907
00:32:13,295 --> 00:32:13,795
Okay.

908
00:32:16,815 --> 00:32:19,490
Oh, gosh. This is, this one's a complicated

909
00:32:19,549 --> 00:32:20,930
one or because it's nuanced.

910
00:32:22,109 --> 00:32:24,769
What to do to balance things

911
00:32:25,309 --> 00:32:26,210
when the dominant

912
00:32:26,509 --> 00:32:29,890
feels more love, romance, has deeper romantic

913
00:32:30,554 --> 00:32:33,694
feelings towards the sub than the sub does

914
00:32:33,994 --> 00:32:34,974
to the dominant.

915
00:32:37,994 --> 00:32:39,514
I think the first thing you gotta do

916
00:32:39,514 --> 00:32:41,914
is if if whichever side of that you're

917
00:32:41,914 --> 00:32:42,414
on,

918
00:32:42,714 --> 00:32:44,335
I think you have to decide

919
00:32:45,750 --> 00:32:48,250
what you ultimately want from a relationship.

920
00:32:49,190 --> 00:32:52,150
And are you giving that and receiving that?

921
00:32:52,150 --> 00:32:54,549
Mhmm. Because, like, I'm thinking of a dominant

922
00:32:54,549 --> 00:32:56,549
who is hopelessly in love with their submissive,

923
00:32:56,549 --> 00:32:59,190
and their submissive is maybe lukewarm and likes

924
00:32:59,190 --> 00:33:01,634
them, but is not, like, in love.

925
00:33:02,815 --> 00:33:04,414
Right? For some people will be like, I'm

926
00:33:04,414 --> 00:33:06,335
good with that. Just let me love you,

927
00:33:06,335 --> 00:33:08,654
and we'll work everything else out. And I

928
00:33:08,654 --> 00:33:10,755
think that that might work for a while,

929
00:33:11,295 --> 00:33:13,134
and then some people would hit a point

930
00:33:13,134 --> 00:33:14,355
where that doesn't work anymore.

931
00:33:14,859 --> 00:33:16,380
Right? They they want something more. They want

932
00:33:16,380 --> 00:33:18,859
the feelings returned. Whatever. I could also see

933
00:33:18,859 --> 00:33:20,960
it from, in this case, the submissive side

934
00:33:21,019 --> 00:33:24,159
of enjoying somebody lavishing that attention on them,

935
00:33:24,299 --> 00:33:25,119
but then

936
00:33:25,740 --> 00:33:26,240
feeling

937
00:33:27,019 --> 00:33:29,255
pressure to reciprocate when they don't

938
00:33:29,555 --> 00:33:32,595
or feeling bad that they can't give this

939
00:33:32,595 --> 00:33:33,095
person

940
00:33:33,634 --> 00:33:36,674
what they are receiving from them. But I

941
00:33:36,674 --> 00:33:38,914
can also see two fucking adults having a

942
00:33:38,914 --> 00:33:41,715
real deep meaningful conversation about it and being

943
00:33:41,715 --> 00:33:43,720
really fucking clear where each one of you

944
00:33:43,720 --> 00:33:46,059
stands and then consistently,

945
00:33:46,599 --> 00:33:48,700
which does not mean always, just means consistently,

946
00:33:48,839 --> 00:33:50,759
checking in with yourself and each other of,

947
00:33:50,759 --> 00:33:52,140
does this still work?

948
00:33:55,079 --> 00:33:56,299
But, you know,

949
00:33:58,345 --> 00:34:00,365
I think there was a time

950
00:34:00,904 --> 00:34:03,065
early ish in our relationship when we're finally

951
00:34:03,065 --> 00:34:05,325
into the power exchange thing where

952
00:34:06,025 --> 00:34:06,525
JB

953
00:34:07,065 --> 00:34:08,905
was more in love with me than I

954
00:34:08,905 --> 00:34:10,905
was with him. Not because I couldn't love

955
00:34:10,905 --> 00:34:12,265
him, not because I had to be convinced

956
00:34:12,265 --> 00:34:13,864
of him, but because I wasn't fucking ready

957
00:34:13,864 --> 00:34:15,199
for that. I wasn't ready to admit it

958
00:34:15,199 --> 00:34:15,859
to myself.

959
00:34:16,400 --> 00:34:18,639
I had to do like, I'm I'm queen

960
00:34:18,639 --> 00:34:19,940
of the fucking denial

961
00:34:20,239 --> 00:34:21,139
party. Okay?

962
00:34:21,599 --> 00:34:23,359
We ain't just floating on something down a

963
00:34:23,359 --> 00:34:25,920
river. Okay? I my denial can be so

964
00:34:25,920 --> 00:34:26,625
fucking deep,

965
00:34:27,505 --> 00:34:28,164
and it's in

966
00:34:28,625 --> 00:34:30,224
in we've talked about this before. When I

967
00:34:30,224 --> 00:34:31,905
finally kinda realized, hey. There's something there was

968
00:34:31,905 --> 00:34:33,905
when I was like, JB's trying to tell

969
00:34:33,905 --> 00:34:35,425
me, oh, a dom wouldn't let you be

970
00:34:35,425 --> 00:34:36,945
friends with another dom. And I was like,

971
00:34:36,945 --> 00:34:39,684
fuck that shit. I don't want that dom

972
00:34:39,985 --> 00:34:41,789
because nobody's taking you away from

973
00:34:42,170 --> 00:34:42,670
me.

974
00:34:45,289 --> 00:34:47,150
So, you know did it to myself.

975
00:34:47,609 --> 00:34:49,630
I'll say this. Do I think that

976
00:34:50,010 --> 00:34:52,489
the majority of people can manage that kind

977
00:34:52,489 --> 00:34:52,989
of

978
00:34:54,170 --> 00:34:54,670
imbalance

979
00:34:55,049 --> 00:34:56,109
in feelings

980
00:34:56,655 --> 00:34:57,554
and emotional

981
00:34:58,255 --> 00:34:59,875
connection in the power exchange?

982
00:35:00,414 --> 00:35:03,614
Most people? Probably not. Are there some people

983
00:35:03,614 --> 00:35:04,755
who maybe can,

984
00:35:05,695 --> 00:35:06,594
and are

985
00:35:07,215 --> 00:35:08,760
willing to put in these the

986
00:35:09,239 --> 00:35:11,420
so much communication and effort it would take

987
00:35:11,480 --> 00:35:13,320
to be very clear and open with one

988
00:35:13,320 --> 00:35:15,260
another, yeah, there probably are.

989
00:35:16,039 --> 00:35:17,019
I don't think

990
00:35:17,400 --> 00:35:19,320
either side would be wrong for ending the

991
00:35:19,320 --> 00:35:21,960
relationship because it's not what they can't give

992
00:35:21,960 --> 00:35:23,639
what they're receiving, and they wanna be able

993
00:35:23,639 --> 00:35:25,454
to give what they receive. They want it

994
00:35:25,454 --> 00:35:27,454
to be more balanced in terms of I

995
00:35:27,454 --> 00:35:28,835
think that's valid too.

996
00:35:29,694 --> 00:35:30,194
So

997
00:35:32,654 --> 00:35:35,234
and now the live chat is talking about

998
00:35:35,534 --> 00:35:36,914
ribs again. Yep.

999
00:35:40,640 --> 00:35:41,140
Okay.

1000
00:35:41,760 --> 00:35:42,260
Let's

1001
00:35:43,680 --> 00:35:44,900
keep going.

1002
00:35:49,519 --> 00:35:50,260
This one,

1003
00:35:50,559 --> 00:35:52,400
I'll have opinions, but I want JB to

1004
00:35:52,400 --> 00:35:52,900
to

1005
00:35:53,200 --> 00:35:54,635
chime in here. Oh.

1006
00:35:55,015 --> 00:35:56,454
So are you with me? Because I know

1007
00:35:56,454 --> 00:35:58,054
you have to keep playing with buttons. Yeah.

1008
00:35:58,054 --> 00:36:00,215
I'm done. How do you handle it when

1009
00:36:00,215 --> 00:36:01,755
a sub disregards

1010
00:36:02,135 --> 00:36:03,195
slash disrespects

1011
00:36:03,494 --> 00:36:04,954
the dom's boundaries?

1012
00:36:06,389 --> 00:36:06,889
Oh.

1013
00:36:08,230 --> 00:36:09,449
That's, wow.

1014
00:36:09,829 --> 00:36:11,269
I'm just sure you guys know that that's

1015
00:36:11,269 --> 00:36:12,809
kind of a a red flag.

1016
00:36:13,429 --> 00:36:13,929
Absolutely.

1017
00:36:21,414 --> 00:36:21,994
You know,

1018
00:36:22,295 --> 00:36:22,795
no.

1019
00:36:23,175 --> 00:36:25,194
No. I'm gonna no. Run.

1020
00:36:25,894 --> 00:36:27,574
The thing is That's not good. Like, I

1021
00:36:27,734 --> 00:36:29,574
this that question gives me more questions. Is

1022
00:36:29,574 --> 00:36:31,355
it within your boundaries

1023
00:36:31,815 --> 00:36:33,734
and within your power exchange, and do you

1024
00:36:33,734 --> 00:36:35,675
as the dom have the consent

1025
00:36:36,690 --> 00:36:37,510
to give consequences

1026
00:36:37,809 --> 00:36:38,550
to punish?

1027
00:36:39,090 --> 00:36:40,690
Would that even be effective? I think it

1028
00:36:40,690 --> 00:36:42,929
would depend on the boundary that was Well,

1029
00:36:42,929 --> 00:36:44,690
that's true too. I mean, you know, when

1030
00:36:44,690 --> 00:36:45,829
when you talk about

1031
00:36:46,369 --> 00:36:47,510
disregarding boundaries,

1032
00:36:48,050 --> 00:36:50,309
you know, that that that's a little,

1033
00:36:52,394 --> 00:36:54,394
yeah, depending, I yeah. Depending on what they

1034
00:36:54,394 --> 00:36:56,155
are, but still, you know majority of the

1035
00:36:56,155 --> 00:36:57,994
time. Yeah. This is a red flag. Like

1036
00:36:58,074 --> 00:37:00,494
yeah. Yeah. I agree. I could see some

1037
00:37:00,715 --> 00:37:01,695
moments where

1038
00:37:02,875 --> 00:37:04,715
somebody maybe thought they were being bratty and,

1039
00:37:04,715 --> 00:37:06,539
actually, they were being a shit. And what

1040
00:37:06,539 --> 00:37:09,099
they wanted was, hey. You know, make me

1041
00:37:09,099 --> 00:37:10,860
pay for this in some way. Well, you're

1042
00:37:10,860 --> 00:37:12,860
just not using your grown up words at

1043
00:37:12,860 --> 00:37:13,519
that point.

1044
00:37:13,820 --> 00:37:16,140
And you've now probably betrayed the trust of

1045
00:37:16,140 --> 00:37:18,465
somebody who you coulda had something good with,

1046
00:37:18,545 --> 00:37:19,825
but you don't fuck it up. Right? I

1047
00:37:19,825 --> 00:37:21,344
mean, sometimes, you know, I'd like to play

1048
00:37:21,344 --> 00:37:23,265
the devil's advocate on something like you know?

1049
00:37:23,265 --> 00:37:25,425
But You just What did I hear about

1050
00:37:25,425 --> 00:37:28,385
some because, typically, devil's advocate is not usually

1051
00:37:28,385 --> 00:37:30,465
used for good purposes. I think I heard

1052
00:37:30,465 --> 00:37:31,855
somebody say one time, the devil don't need

1053
00:37:31,855 --> 00:37:31,974
an advocate. He's fine by himself. No. He's

1054
00:37:31,974 --> 00:37:32,699
fine by himself. No. He's fine by himself

1055
00:37:37,900 --> 00:37:40,380
went, I have rethought the devil's advocate argument

1056
00:37:40,380 --> 00:37:42,539
ever since then. Okay. That that hit kinda

1057
00:37:42,539 --> 00:37:45,440
hard. So I think you treat a sub

1058
00:37:45,579 --> 00:37:48,934
rejecting or or or ignoring or whatever your

1059
00:37:48,934 --> 00:37:51,094
boundaries the same as a sub should treat

1060
00:37:51,094 --> 00:37:52,855
a dom. Well, then we don't get to

1061
00:37:52,855 --> 00:37:55,255
do the thing because you can't respect the

1062
00:37:55,255 --> 00:37:57,914
most basic thing that I require from you.

1063
00:37:59,409 --> 00:37:59,909
You

1064
00:38:00,210 --> 00:38:01,650
know? Only you can decide if it was

1065
00:38:01,650 --> 00:38:03,489
a betrayal of trust or if it's something

1066
00:38:03,489 --> 00:38:04,849
you think you can work through, if it's

1067
00:38:04,849 --> 00:38:06,949
something you even want to work through.

1068
00:38:08,449 --> 00:38:08,949
But

1069
00:38:10,130 --> 00:38:11,010
I think you were

1070
00:38:12,074 --> 00:38:13,594
I think you're perfectly within your rights to

1071
00:38:13,594 --> 00:38:15,434
be like, okay. That was that was a

1072
00:38:15,434 --> 00:38:16,795
red flag and I don't do red flags

1073
00:38:16,795 --> 00:38:18,635
and you have a good life. Hope you

1074
00:38:18,635 --> 00:38:20,795
find somebody who wants whatever that is because

1075
00:38:20,795 --> 00:38:22,795
it ain't me. Again, like I said a

1076
00:38:22,795 --> 00:38:24,795
little bit ago, people can grow and learn

1077
00:38:24,795 --> 00:38:26,369
but you are not obligated to be there

1078
00:38:26,369 --> 00:38:28,130
with them while they do. Let let them

1079
00:38:28,130 --> 00:38:29,809
grow and learn with somebody else. Yeah. Go

1080
00:38:29,809 --> 00:38:31,030
live your best life.

1081
00:38:31,489 --> 00:38:32,609
But I think you have to be honest

1082
00:38:32,609 --> 00:38:33,269
with yourself.

1083
00:38:33,730 --> 00:38:35,250
I do always think it's good for a

1084
00:38:35,250 --> 00:38:37,809
conversation to have the conversation about it. I

1085
00:38:37,809 --> 00:38:39,429
could see where in some circumstances

1086
00:38:39,965 --> 00:38:40,465
it's,

1087
00:38:40,925 --> 00:38:43,085
too scary, too violent, too dangerous to do

1088
00:38:43,085 --> 00:38:43,585
that.

1089
00:38:44,045 --> 00:38:46,364
Dip. Get the hell out. Right? If it's

1090
00:38:46,364 --> 00:38:49,405
not that situation, I have the conversation about

1091
00:38:49,405 --> 00:38:51,485
it. Call them out on it. Make to

1092
00:38:51,485 --> 00:38:53,164
the extent that you have any control over

1093
00:38:53,164 --> 00:38:54,304
it, make them,

1094
00:38:54,840 --> 00:38:57,239
like, be there to listen to you, like,

1095
00:38:57,239 --> 00:38:59,239
be mad about it. What you do from

1096
00:38:59,239 --> 00:39:00,780
there, that's on you.

1097
00:39:03,800 --> 00:39:04,539
So yeah.

1098
00:39:05,239 --> 00:39:05,739
Okay.

1099
00:39:07,720 --> 00:39:09,739
This one, I don't mind answering because we

1100
00:39:11,425 --> 00:39:13,025
we're talking about it all the time. How

1101
00:39:13,025 --> 00:39:14,484
is the dynamic at home?

1102
00:39:15,184 --> 00:39:18,464
Good. Good. Yeah. It's we're very relaxed about

1103
00:39:18,464 --> 00:39:19,364
it. Like, we,

1104
00:39:20,704 --> 00:39:21,444
in way

1105
00:39:22,065 --> 00:39:23,664
here's my take on it. Tell me what

1106
00:39:23,664 --> 00:39:24,565
you think. Okay.

1107
00:39:25,425 --> 00:39:27,880
When we didn't when we knew the dynamic

1108
00:39:27,880 --> 00:39:29,880
was not what we wanted it to be,

1109
00:39:29,880 --> 00:39:32,219
but we also knew that it was

1110
00:39:32,679 --> 00:39:33,179
chaos,

1111
00:39:33,800 --> 00:39:36,440
not having the dynamic we wanted for me

1112
00:39:36,440 --> 00:39:38,039
went one of two ways. I either just

1113
00:39:38,039 --> 00:39:39,900
couldn't think about it because there was no

1114
00:39:40,360 --> 00:39:41,804
capacity in my brain for it,

1115
00:39:42,764 --> 00:39:43,505
or I was

1116
00:39:44,444 --> 00:39:47,244
annoyed, upset, sad, pick a negative emotion that

1117
00:39:47,244 --> 00:39:49,184
we didn't have what we once did.

1118
00:39:49,804 --> 00:39:50,304
Now

1119
00:39:50,605 --> 00:39:52,684
where we are intentional about it and we

1120
00:39:52,684 --> 00:39:55,619
are putting more focus on it, when something

1121
00:39:55,619 --> 00:39:57,460
comes up and we can't focus on it.

1122
00:39:57,460 --> 00:40:00,280
Right? We're not we're not getting kinky like

1123
00:40:00,659 --> 00:40:02,339
like we did back in the day. We're

1124
00:40:02,339 --> 00:40:04,339
not fucking like rabbits. I don't who knows

1125
00:40:04,339 --> 00:40:06,260
how rabbits fuck? I've never asked that question,

1126
00:40:06,260 --> 00:40:08,019
but, you know, we're like, we're not pawing

1127
00:40:08,019 --> 00:40:09,460
at each other. We're not naked all the

1128
00:40:09,460 --> 00:40:10,155
time. I'm not crawling

1129
00:40:11,195 --> 00:40:12,735
around. I can't. I we're parents. That's not

1130
00:40:12,795 --> 00:40:13,855
how our life works.

1131
00:40:15,355 --> 00:40:16,815
I I'm okay.

1132
00:40:17,195 --> 00:40:17,695
I

1133
00:40:18,394 --> 00:40:20,335
recognize, and I feel more

1134
00:40:20,875 --> 00:40:23,434
confident in us and in myself in our

1135
00:40:23,434 --> 00:40:25,619
roles, our power exchange roles Mhmm. That I

1136
00:40:25,619 --> 00:40:28,440
get less twisted up about it.

1137
00:40:28,819 --> 00:40:29,480
I have

1138
00:40:30,099 --> 00:40:32,119
the faith in us that

1139
00:40:32,659 --> 00:40:34,339
when we can, we will come back around

1140
00:40:34,339 --> 00:40:35,000
to it.

1141
00:40:35,779 --> 00:40:36,760
What would you

1142
00:40:37,460 --> 00:40:39,960
say to them? Yeah. I I I agree.

1143
00:40:41,195 --> 00:40:42,255
You know, I think definitely

1144
00:40:44,474 --> 00:40:45,855
come back around to it because

1145
00:40:46,155 --> 00:40:48,074
at the core, that's who we are. And

1146
00:40:48,074 --> 00:40:50,074
it's what we want. But I think I

1147
00:40:50,074 --> 00:40:51,755
get the vibe that we are much more

1148
00:40:51,755 --> 00:40:55,159
understanding right now. Mhmm. Before, life kept happening

1149
00:40:55,159 --> 00:40:56,599
to us and coming at us so fast,

1150
00:40:56,599 --> 00:40:58,199
and it was like everything was happening to

1151
00:40:58,199 --> 00:40:59,400
us, and all we could do is react.

1152
00:40:59,400 --> 00:41:01,000
Right? Right. So then you get a little

1153
00:41:01,079 --> 00:41:02,920
depending on who you are. We got a

1154
00:41:02,920 --> 00:41:05,400
little bitter and pissy about what we couldn't

1155
00:41:05,400 --> 00:41:07,400
do. Right. Right now, when something comes out,

1156
00:41:07,400 --> 00:41:09,074
JBL has not felt good, didn't feel good

1157
00:41:09,074 --> 00:41:10,755
a couple weeks ago, hasn't felt good this

1158
00:41:10,755 --> 00:41:13,155
week, something different, but still. Yeah. So it

1159
00:41:13,155 --> 00:41:15,635
it curves everything at that point. Right? But

1160
00:41:15,635 --> 00:41:16,934
instead of sort of, like,

1161
00:41:17,715 --> 00:41:18,215
feeling

1162
00:41:18,594 --> 00:41:20,989
glum about it or worrying that we're, you

1163
00:41:20,989 --> 00:41:23,889
know, not making progress anymore or whatever.

1164
00:41:24,829 --> 00:41:27,429
We're rolling with it, and he Mhmm.

1165
00:41:27,869 --> 00:41:28,369
Today,

1166
00:41:28,670 --> 00:41:30,589
he found a way to be his dom

1167
00:41:30,589 --> 00:41:32,849
self that did not require anything physical

1168
00:41:33,230 --> 00:41:35,434
and shocked the shit out of me.

1169
00:41:37,894 --> 00:41:39,115
That's right. It did.

1170
00:41:39,735 --> 00:41:41,335
He did. And it was just before we

1171
00:41:41,335 --> 00:41:44,075
started or not earlier. Whole recording day. Yeah.

1172
00:41:44,135 --> 00:41:46,215
So what he did was he domed me

1173
00:41:46,215 --> 00:41:49,390
with tone of voice. No no anger, annoyance,

1174
00:41:49,450 --> 00:41:50,750
aggravation. I hadn't

1175
00:41:51,130 --> 00:41:53,130
I hadn't done anything, air quote, wrong, but

1176
00:41:53,130 --> 00:41:54,809
he needed to, like, set me on the

1177
00:41:54,809 --> 00:41:55,789
right path.

1178
00:41:56,250 --> 00:41:56,750
And

1179
00:41:57,769 --> 00:41:58,269
he

1180
00:41:58,650 --> 00:42:00,570
just his tone of voice. He he laid

1181
00:42:00,570 --> 00:42:01,550
down the law

1182
00:42:02,045 --> 00:42:04,364
in a way that I think it's been

1183
00:42:04,364 --> 00:42:05,265
a few years.

1184
00:42:06,525 --> 00:42:08,285
You know? He he's not really physically up

1185
00:42:08,285 --> 00:42:09,565
for doing anything right now. It's a middle

1186
00:42:09,565 --> 00:42:11,885
of a workday. We can't. We, you know,

1187
00:42:11,885 --> 00:42:13,805
had some plans, like, last weekend that we

1188
00:42:13,805 --> 00:42:15,965
kinda didn't follow-up with, try again on another

1189
00:42:15,965 --> 00:42:16,650
day, whatever.

1190
00:42:17,130 --> 00:42:19,449
But it's these moments that are coming back

1191
00:42:19,449 --> 00:42:22,109
to us that Mhmm. I mean,

1192
00:42:22,650 --> 00:42:24,730
I had feelings about it, but I kept

1193
00:42:24,730 --> 00:42:26,329
my cool. It's fine. I just said, yes,

1194
00:42:26,329 --> 00:42:28,650
daddy, because that's usually the the best thing

1195
00:42:28,650 --> 00:42:29,309
to do.

1196
00:42:31,255 --> 00:42:33,094
Okay. It's what you tell everybody else to

1197
00:42:33,094 --> 00:42:34,554
do. Just do what day he says.

1198
00:42:35,734 --> 00:42:37,434
It does. It does. It does.

1199
00:42:38,135 --> 00:42:40,534
Just why do you dupe? Streamline things. I

1200
00:42:40,534 --> 00:42:41,034
know.

1201
00:42:41,335 --> 00:42:43,195
Okay. This one is definitely

1202
00:42:43,655 --> 00:42:45,594
up your alley because it's what you do.

1203
00:42:45,949 --> 00:42:48,289
How does a dom support a sub practicing

1204
00:42:48,509 --> 00:42:51,730
more active consent while keeping the scene's energy?

1205
00:42:53,710 --> 00:42:55,329
I know how you like to do it.

1206
00:42:55,549 --> 00:42:57,789
Yeah. I mean, I'm I'm very hands on

1207
00:42:57,789 --> 00:42:58,690
in that manner.

1208
00:42:59,175 --> 00:42:59,675
You

1209
00:42:59,974 --> 00:43:02,695
are you have, in my mind, perfected the

1210
00:43:02,695 --> 00:43:03,195
art

1211
00:43:03,494 --> 00:43:03,994
of

1212
00:43:04,454 --> 00:43:08,235
check-in, but make it hot as fuck. Right?

1213
00:43:08,454 --> 00:43:11,015
It's tone he's asking me for a color.

1214
00:43:11,015 --> 00:43:12,510
And if I don't give a color,

1215
00:43:12,909 --> 00:43:13,969
all play stops.

1216
00:43:14,429 --> 00:43:16,829
Yeah. But he's he like, okay. Every domino's

1217
00:43:16,829 --> 00:43:18,670
different. Everybody's got their own vibe. We know

1218
00:43:18,670 --> 00:43:20,349
JB's vibe. Right? He's got a growl to

1219
00:43:20,349 --> 00:43:21,090
him. Right?

1220
00:43:21,710 --> 00:43:23,789
Fucking love it. In scene when I'm all

1221
00:43:23,789 --> 00:43:26,110
loosey goosey and, like, the brain is not

1222
00:43:26,110 --> 00:43:28,405
connected to anything, and the muscles are just

1223
00:43:28,405 --> 00:43:31,065
like, yeah. We're here. This is fine. Whatever.

1224
00:43:31,684 --> 00:43:34,565
He leans in close. He's in my ear.

1225
00:43:34,565 --> 00:43:36,565
He can sound low key mean, but in

1226
00:43:36,565 --> 00:43:37,925
a sexy way, and I'm here for that.

1227
00:43:37,925 --> 00:43:38,984
It's kinda my vibe.

1228
00:43:39,444 --> 00:43:42,025
And he's asking for a color. Mhmm. And

1229
00:43:43,010 --> 00:43:44,609
he you get playful with it. You do

1230
00:43:44,690 --> 00:43:46,769
I mean, and it and you are pacing

1231
00:43:46,769 --> 00:43:48,929
yourself. When we've just gone really harder, you

1232
00:43:48,929 --> 00:43:50,849
know that's more than I would usually you're

1233
00:43:50,849 --> 00:43:52,469
in there automatically. Right?

1234
00:43:53,489 --> 00:43:53,989
When

1235
00:43:55,844 --> 00:43:58,005
when we've gone for longer and this I'm

1236
00:43:58,005 --> 00:43:59,445
having to go back from memory because this

1237
00:43:59,445 --> 00:44:00,885
has been a hot ass minute since we

1238
00:44:00,885 --> 00:44:02,724
got to do early involved scene. Yeah. When

1239
00:44:02,724 --> 00:44:04,804
we've gone longer than, like, we normally would,

1240
00:44:04,804 --> 00:44:07,125
you're checking in. But you're you're doing it.

1241
00:44:07,125 --> 00:44:08,824
You're keeping your dom self.

1242
00:44:09,339 --> 00:44:10,780
You're talking to me in ways that you

1243
00:44:10,780 --> 00:44:13,260
know turn me on. The other thing because

1244
00:44:13,260 --> 00:44:15,500
active consent doesn't have to just be the

1245
00:44:15,500 --> 00:44:17,019
dom checking in. It's a great way to

1246
00:44:17,019 --> 00:44:18,079
do it. Like,

1247
00:44:18,699 --> 00:44:20,859
demand a response. Sometimes I can't speak. Right?

1248
00:44:20,859 --> 00:44:22,894
So demand whatever your signal is

1249
00:44:23,675 --> 00:44:25,775
or whatever. Like, however you were gonna

1250
00:44:26,474 --> 00:44:26,974
keep

1251
00:44:27,434 --> 00:44:28,954
going and knowing if things are good or

1252
00:44:28,954 --> 00:44:29,454
not.

1253
00:44:29,835 --> 00:44:30,974
Yes. But also

1254
00:44:31,755 --> 00:44:32,255
encourage

1255
00:44:32,954 --> 00:44:33,195
and

1256
00:44:34,469 --> 00:44:36,150
I'm gonna say reward, but that's kind of

1257
00:44:36,150 --> 00:44:38,309
too broad of a word. Encourage and reward

1258
00:44:38,309 --> 00:44:40,409
a sub who just tells you shit.

1259
00:44:42,070 --> 00:44:43,829
It used to feel awkward, and now I

1260
00:44:43,829 --> 00:44:44,889
find it really easy.

1261
00:44:45,269 --> 00:44:47,349
Last time we did the last time we

1262
00:44:47,349 --> 00:44:48,329
did a major

1263
00:44:48,684 --> 00:44:50,204
bondage scene, and this that has been a

1264
00:44:50,204 --> 00:44:50,864
hot minute.

1265
00:44:51,565 --> 00:44:53,324
Something didn't feel right, and we're at mid

1266
00:44:53,324 --> 00:44:55,804
scene. And I still have this feeling of,

1267
00:44:55,804 --> 00:44:57,164
oh, I hate to speak up because I'm

1268
00:44:57,164 --> 00:44:58,525
gonna kill the mood, but that was like,

1269
00:44:58,525 --> 00:44:59,724
you know, it's gonna kill the mood to

1270
00:44:59,724 --> 00:45:00,864
trip to the ER.

1271
00:45:01,244 --> 00:45:03,630
So JV's like he's got me strapped

1272
00:45:04,170 --> 00:45:05,309
down with rope,

1273
00:45:05,849 --> 00:45:07,530
and he's moving around the room to do

1274
00:45:07,530 --> 00:45:09,609
other things and, like, just leaving me hanging

1275
00:45:09,609 --> 00:45:11,289
out there because he's a sadist, and that's

1276
00:45:11,289 --> 00:45:12,349
what we do. Anticipation.

1277
00:45:14,250 --> 00:45:16,329
And I had to go in like, there's

1278
00:45:16,329 --> 00:45:18,494
no check-in. He was off he was doing

1279
00:45:18,494 --> 00:45:19,534
what he needed to do to get us

1280
00:45:19,534 --> 00:45:21,155
ready. I had to go, hey, daddy.

1281
00:45:21,775 --> 00:45:23,454
This part of me is numb over here.

1282
00:45:23,454 --> 00:45:24,974
I don't think it's supposed to do that.

1283
00:45:24,974 --> 00:45:26,034
No. And,

1284
00:45:26,574 --> 00:45:28,994
one, there's never been any

1285
00:45:30,014 --> 00:45:30,514
backlash

1286
00:45:31,135 --> 00:45:32,894
if I speak up. If it's like, I'm

1287
00:45:32,894 --> 00:45:34,199
air air quote, speaking out of turn. Because

1288
00:45:34,199 --> 00:45:35,639
if it's about my safety, if it's about

1289
00:45:35,639 --> 00:45:37,639
my health Especially, like, something like that. Right.

1290
00:45:37,639 --> 00:45:38,460
Like so

1291
00:45:38,840 --> 00:45:41,000
it is possible that a sub has gotten

1292
00:45:41,000 --> 00:45:43,480
the message from previous partners that they should

1293
00:45:43,480 --> 00:45:45,375
not speak up. What you, to me, what

1294
00:45:45,375 --> 00:45:47,094
you wanna do is not just encourage it,

1295
00:45:47,094 --> 00:45:49,194
but then you reward it. Then you, like,

1296
00:45:49,255 --> 00:45:51,174
lavish them with praise. Give them something they

1297
00:45:51,335 --> 00:45:53,835
something, whatever, like, works for them.

1298
00:45:54,135 --> 00:45:56,614
But that's a time and trust thing. They'll

1299
00:45:56,614 --> 00:45:59,335
have to play long enough to know that

1300
00:45:59,335 --> 00:46:01,230
they're not breaking the mood. They're doing exactly

1301
00:46:01,230 --> 00:46:02,050
what you want

1302
00:46:02,349 --> 00:46:03,789
to just they don't have to wait to

1303
00:46:03,789 --> 00:46:05,630
be asked. You don't you should be checking

1304
00:46:05,630 --> 00:46:07,389
in, but also you should be encouraging them

1305
00:46:07,389 --> 00:46:09,869
to, like, say something. Right. And you can

1306
00:46:09,869 --> 00:46:11,230
even keep it if you want. If you're

1307
00:46:11,230 --> 00:46:13,750
worried about the energy, whatever their persona is

1308
00:46:13,750 --> 00:46:15,789
as a sub, like, however y'all you want

1309
00:46:15,789 --> 00:46:17,204
them to speak to you with respect or

1310
00:46:17,204 --> 00:46:18,985
however they address you or whatever,

1311
00:46:19,364 --> 00:46:20,885
have them do it to the best of

1312
00:46:20,885 --> 00:46:23,845
their ability in emergency situations. All this is

1313
00:46:23,845 --> 00:46:25,285
out the window. But to the best of

1314
00:46:25,285 --> 00:46:26,965
their ability, have them speak to you in

1315
00:46:26,965 --> 00:46:28,905
that way so that that energy

1316
00:46:29,605 --> 00:46:30,664
is still there,

1317
00:46:31,179 --> 00:46:33,579
but they know, okay. I'm keeping the energy

1318
00:46:33,579 --> 00:46:34,960
of the scene, but I'm actively

1319
00:46:35,739 --> 00:46:38,960
communicating consent. I'm actively communicating what's going on.

1320
00:46:39,019 --> 00:46:41,099
And so then you have both that and

1321
00:46:41,099 --> 00:46:42,000
the check ins.

1322
00:46:42,940 --> 00:46:43,099
So

1323
00:46:45,125 --> 00:46:46,724
yeah. There's that. What would you would you

1324
00:46:46,724 --> 00:46:48,824
add anything to that? No. Okay.

1325
00:46:54,804 --> 00:46:57,444
There's so much here, y'all. I'm gonna I'm

1326
00:46:57,444 --> 00:46:59,309
gonna answer it. We'll do one more more

1327
00:46:59,309 --> 00:47:01,489
question, and then I will address a question

1328
00:47:01,550 --> 00:47:03,469
without answering it because I do wanna be

1329
00:47:03,469 --> 00:47:06,110
able to address it. Okay. Thanks for all

1330
00:47:06,110 --> 00:47:08,510
these questions. Here's the last full question we'll

1331
00:47:08,510 --> 00:47:10,349
answer, and then there's the question I want

1332
00:47:10,349 --> 00:47:12,824
to address without answering. Here's the question. How

1333
00:47:12,824 --> 00:47:14,824
do you know if you're a fit for

1334
00:47:14,824 --> 00:47:15,804
twenty four seven?

1335
00:47:18,184 --> 00:47:19,945
If you're I think the only way you're

1336
00:47:19,945 --> 00:47:21,545
gonna find out is if you try it.

1337
00:47:21,545 --> 00:47:22,905
Yeah. You're gonna have to try it. Sure.

1338
00:47:22,905 --> 00:47:25,304
You're gonna have to that's the really the

1339
00:47:25,304 --> 00:47:26,445
only way you know.

1340
00:47:26,905 --> 00:47:28,320
And that's only if when when you think

1341
00:47:28,320 --> 00:47:30,079
about twenty four seven, you do not immediately

1342
00:47:30,079 --> 00:47:32,400
go, oh, hell. Fuck no. If that's your

1343
00:47:32,400 --> 00:47:34,400
immediate response, you that is not right for

1344
00:47:34,400 --> 00:47:36,579
you. Whether that's never or not right now,

1345
00:47:36,800 --> 00:47:39,059
it's not right for you. If it's intriguing

1346
00:47:39,360 --> 00:47:41,295
to you, you're gonna have to try it.

1347
00:47:41,295 --> 00:47:41,795
Mhmm.

1348
00:47:42,894 --> 00:47:44,014
But I go back to what we talked

1349
00:47:44,014 --> 00:47:45,534
about with twenty four seven. I guess we

1350
00:47:45,534 --> 00:47:46,835
do need to do the TPEV

1351
00:47:47,295 --> 00:47:48,835
twenty four seven episode

1352
00:47:49,454 --> 00:47:50,835
coming soon. Mhmm.

1353
00:47:52,380 --> 00:47:53,039
I think

1354
00:47:53,339 --> 00:47:55,019
before I would try anything, I'd get real

1355
00:47:55,019 --> 00:47:56,460
clear with you and a partner on what

1356
00:47:56,460 --> 00:47:58,460
twenty four seven means to you. Yeah. Because

1357
00:47:58,460 --> 00:48:00,059
if one of you is thinking of total

1358
00:48:00,059 --> 00:48:02,960
power exchange, all the control, all the,

1359
00:48:03,260 --> 00:48:04,394
you know, permission, all the

1360
00:48:05,355 --> 00:48:06,715
this. And the other one of you is

1361
00:48:06,715 --> 00:48:08,875
thinking, I just kinda wanna be your your

1362
00:48:08,875 --> 00:48:11,454
kink partner all day every day. Right? Like,

1363
00:48:11,594 --> 00:48:14,795
it's a managing expectations, setting the parameters, getting

1364
00:48:14,795 --> 00:48:16,094
very fucking clear,

1365
00:48:16,489 --> 00:48:18,329
and then you try it. You try it

1366
00:48:18,329 --> 00:48:19,530
for a day. You try it for an

1367
00:48:19,530 --> 00:48:20,349
hour. Like,

1368
00:48:20,969 --> 00:48:23,230
again, low and slow build up, right,

1369
00:48:23,690 --> 00:48:25,069
based on what you

1370
00:48:25,530 --> 00:48:26,349
mutually agree

1371
00:48:26,730 --> 00:48:27,789
twenty four seven

1372
00:48:28,089 --> 00:48:30,025
would be for you. And then you tweak

1373
00:48:30,025 --> 00:48:30,525
from

1374
00:48:30,985 --> 00:48:32,364
there. Like, I think

1375
00:48:32,824 --> 00:48:34,664
we've recently talked about this, so it's kinda

1376
00:48:34,664 --> 00:48:35,405
top of mind.

1377
00:48:35,864 --> 00:48:36,364
The

1378
00:48:36,985 --> 00:48:38,505
after we moved in together, we've been long

1379
00:48:38,505 --> 00:48:40,985
distance for, what, fourteen months, eighteen months, something

1380
00:48:40,985 --> 00:48:42,719
like that. What is time? I don't know.

1381
00:48:44,559 --> 00:48:46,559
Life lifed, and we actually had to put

1382
00:48:46,559 --> 00:48:48,340
our power exchange on hold,

1383
00:48:49,199 --> 00:48:51,519
for, like, two weeks before we could we

1384
00:48:51,519 --> 00:48:53,119
would try to get back into it. But

1385
00:48:53,119 --> 00:48:54,639
before we put it on hold, it wasn't

1386
00:48:54,639 --> 00:48:56,994
just because we were having to unpack boxes

1387
00:48:56,994 --> 00:48:58,914
and build furniture and get our AC fixed.

1388
00:48:58,914 --> 00:49:00,914
It wasn't just that. No. It was because

1389
00:49:00,914 --> 00:49:03,234
we had tried a vert also had tried

1390
00:49:03,234 --> 00:49:03,815
a version

1391
00:49:04,114 --> 00:49:05,494
of Power Exchange that

1392
00:49:05,795 --> 00:49:06,914
I had a whole hell of a lot

1393
00:49:06,914 --> 00:49:08,594
of rules. There was a lot of, you

1394
00:49:08,594 --> 00:49:11,394
know, ask daddy this, get daddy's permission from

1395
00:49:11,394 --> 00:49:13,210
that. And what we found kinda quickly is

1396
00:49:13,210 --> 00:49:14,730
some of the stuff just was not fucking

1397
00:49:14,730 --> 00:49:15,230
practical.

1398
00:49:16,570 --> 00:49:18,970
It just was not practical at all. It

1399
00:49:18,970 --> 00:49:20,970
sounded good in theory. It made our little

1400
00:49:20,970 --> 00:49:22,269
kinky hearts happy,

1401
00:49:22,650 --> 00:49:24,989
but it didn't work in real life.

1402
00:49:25,690 --> 00:49:28,594
So, yeah, you that was part of us

1403
00:49:28,594 --> 00:49:30,135
having to to restart

1404
00:49:30,434 --> 00:49:32,755
and rethink what Power Exchange in person was

1405
00:49:32,755 --> 00:49:34,755
gonna mean to us, knowing we wanted twenty

1406
00:49:34,755 --> 00:49:37,554
four seven. Again, because the twenty four seven

1407
00:49:37,554 --> 00:49:39,635
for us means we are just always who

1408
00:49:39,635 --> 00:49:41,610
we are, and it isn't like

1409
00:49:42,489 --> 00:49:43,849
like a it's a layer on top of

1410
00:49:43,849 --> 00:49:46,489
our relationship. And it's really a a something

1411
00:49:46,489 --> 00:49:48,170
woven into the fabric of it, but it's

1412
00:49:48,170 --> 00:49:49,309
just always there.

1413
00:49:50,410 --> 00:49:51,150
And so

1414
00:49:51,769 --> 00:49:54,030
whenever we can, we're gonna default to it.

1415
00:49:54,795 --> 00:49:56,554
But, yeah, that was a big thing. Clear

1416
00:49:56,554 --> 00:49:57,054
communication.

1417
00:49:57,355 --> 00:49:57,855
Mhmm.

1418
00:49:58,315 --> 00:50:00,875
Get into agreement on what it means for

1419
00:50:00,875 --> 00:50:03,275
you both. Right? Mhmm. Assuming you're in a

1420
00:50:03,275 --> 00:50:05,835
a relationship. If you're single, just research different

1421
00:50:05,835 --> 00:50:07,375
ways of doing it and then kind of

1422
00:50:07,960 --> 00:50:10,360
make your own, like, internal or actual physical

1423
00:50:10,360 --> 00:50:11,960
list of this is what that means to

1424
00:50:11,960 --> 00:50:12,699
me. And

1425
00:50:13,000 --> 00:50:15,079
when you find a partner who's compatible, try

1426
00:50:15,079 --> 00:50:15,579
it.

1427
00:50:15,880 --> 00:50:17,179
But when you try it,

1428
00:50:17,640 --> 00:50:19,480
please don't go from we've never done this

1429
00:50:19,480 --> 00:50:21,800
before to this is our actual life now

1430
00:50:21,800 --> 00:50:22,300
forever.

1431
00:50:22,679 --> 00:50:24,574
Please don't. I there's a good chance you

1432
00:50:24,574 --> 00:50:25,795
can overwhelm yourself.

1433
00:50:27,135 --> 00:50:29,135
Start with an hour. Start with a day.

1434
00:50:29,135 --> 00:50:30,734
Like, to me, I would start with an

1435
00:50:30,734 --> 00:50:31,234
hour

1436
00:50:31,694 --> 00:50:33,295
of just whatever you think that's gonna look

1437
00:50:33,295 --> 00:50:34,574
like. And you're gonna have to plan things

1438
00:50:34,574 --> 00:50:35,694
and set things up so you get to

1439
00:50:35,694 --> 00:50:38,414
practice it. Right? And then from there, I

1440
00:50:38,414 --> 00:50:40,019
would go to, like, half a day or

1441
00:50:40,019 --> 00:50:41,460
just a few hours, depends on what your

1442
00:50:41,460 --> 00:50:43,380
life is like, and I would build up.

1443
00:50:43,380 --> 00:50:45,219
I would build up to a week, and

1444
00:50:45,219 --> 00:50:47,219
and every time you're building up, you're checking

1445
00:50:47,219 --> 00:50:47,719
in.

1446
00:50:48,099 --> 00:50:50,260
You're talking about it. You're debriefing. You're like,

1447
00:50:50,260 --> 00:50:51,405
what worked, what didn't?

1448
00:50:52,364 --> 00:50:55,164
And it requires the thing I hate more

1449
00:50:55,164 --> 00:50:55,824
than anything,

1450
00:50:56,204 --> 00:50:56,864
the dreaded

1451
00:50:57,164 --> 00:50:57,985
p word,

1452
00:50:59,005 --> 00:50:59,505
patience.

1453
00:51:00,364 --> 00:51:01,664
Imagine that. I have

1454
00:51:02,125 --> 00:51:04,304
part of it's getting older just in general.

1455
00:51:04,525 --> 00:51:05,344
But as

1456
00:51:05,880 --> 00:51:08,359
a submissive partner in a power exchange, I

1457
00:51:08,359 --> 00:51:09,579
have learned more patience

1458
00:51:10,679 --> 00:51:12,539
over the past twelve or thirteen years

1459
00:51:13,319 --> 00:51:15,159
than ever. And, again, some of it is

1460
00:51:15,159 --> 00:51:17,079
is just getting older and just, you know,

1461
00:51:17,079 --> 00:51:19,420
whatever. But a lot of it is because

1462
00:51:19,864 --> 00:51:21,324
JB has forced me

1463
00:51:21,864 --> 00:51:23,244
to practice patience.

1464
00:51:24,184 --> 00:51:26,204
Okay. So that was our last full

1465
00:51:27,704 --> 00:51:28,204
question.

1466
00:51:28,585 --> 00:51:30,664
Here's a question somebody asked that I want

1467
00:51:30,664 --> 00:51:31,164
to

1468
00:51:31,864 --> 00:51:34,505
address, and I want to, through comments, through

1469
00:51:34,505 --> 00:51:36,889
social media, through email, through whatever, I want

1470
00:51:36,889 --> 00:51:37,549
to get

1471
00:51:38,089 --> 00:51:39,150
feedback on.

1472
00:51:39,929 --> 00:51:41,150
Patrons, Discord,

1473
00:51:41,529 --> 00:51:43,289
feel free to to give me your opinion

1474
00:51:43,289 --> 00:51:44,349
on this with Discord.

1475
00:51:45,210 --> 00:51:47,210
Somebody said, I would like to hear you

1476
00:51:47,210 --> 00:51:48,510
talk about neurodivergence

1477
00:51:49,210 --> 00:51:49,710
in

1478
00:51:50,154 --> 00:51:50,734
DS dynamic.

1479
00:51:51,994 --> 00:51:52,815
I would

1480
00:51:53,355 --> 00:51:53,855
love

1481
00:51:54,234 --> 00:51:55,534
to talk about that.

1482
00:51:55,914 --> 00:51:57,775
The thing that stops me,

1483
00:51:58,154 --> 00:51:59,214
I'm not diagnosed.

1484
00:51:59,994 --> 00:52:01,134
I am partially,

1485
00:52:01,755 --> 00:52:03,934
even though I doubt myself every other day,

1486
00:52:04,380 --> 00:52:06,559
self diagnosed. Like, I think

1487
00:52:07,900 --> 00:52:08,799
based on

1488
00:52:09,179 --> 00:52:11,579
all measures I can find that a person

1489
00:52:11,579 --> 00:52:12,719
not seeing a professional

1490
00:52:13,179 --> 00:52:14,000
can maybe

1491
00:52:14,779 --> 00:52:16,954
measure themselves up against. Right?

1492
00:52:17,335 --> 00:52:18,875
I think I am.

1493
00:52:20,135 --> 00:52:22,235
I think I am. But if you recall

1494
00:52:22,295 --> 00:52:24,555
the episode from perimenopause, I do have the

1495
00:52:24,695 --> 00:52:26,875
consistent debate of, is this neurodivergency?

1496
00:52:27,494 --> 00:52:28,635
Am I just perimenopausal?

1497
00:52:29,015 --> 00:52:31,035
Right? Like, I don't know

1498
00:52:31,430 --> 00:52:32,329
for a fact.

1499
00:52:33,030 --> 00:52:33,530
So

1500
00:52:34,150 --> 00:52:36,710
the reason I would not want to just

1501
00:52:36,710 --> 00:52:38,809
talk about it in general without having

1502
00:52:39,110 --> 00:52:41,989
a lived experience and feeling comfortable sharing a

1503
00:52:41,989 --> 00:52:44,250
lived experience is because neurodivergency

1504
00:52:44,710 --> 00:52:45,610
is so

1505
00:52:45,989 --> 00:52:49,565
unique to the person experiencing it, there's no

1506
00:52:49,565 --> 00:52:51,425
way to kind of broadly go.

1507
00:52:52,364 --> 00:52:53,885
Here's here are the things in which you

1508
00:52:53,885 --> 00:52:56,204
need to know. I if we chose to

1509
00:52:56,204 --> 00:52:58,224
do it, I could talk about most common

1510
00:52:58,525 --> 00:53:00,844
things people experience, and yet for every air

1511
00:53:00,844 --> 00:53:03,010
quote most common, there will be an equal

1512
00:53:03,010 --> 00:53:04,609
number of people who are on the opposite

1513
00:53:04,609 --> 00:53:05,589
end of that spectrum.

1514
00:53:06,289 --> 00:53:08,609
And so I don't wanna take space or

1515
00:53:08,609 --> 00:53:10,630
talk about an identity that is not

1516
00:53:11,010 --> 00:53:11,510
mine

1517
00:53:12,049 --> 00:53:13,650
to do. I do not want to disrespect

1518
00:53:13,650 --> 00:53:14,630
anybody who's

1519
00:53:15,105 --> 00:53:17,525
actually neurodivergent, is aware that they're neurodivergent,

1520
00:53:17,905 --> 00:53:19,125
is living the neurodivergent

1521
00:53:19,425 --> 00:53:19,925
life.

1522
00:53:21,664 --> 00:53:22,885
But if

1523
00:53:23,585 --> 00:53:25,125
y'all as an audience,

1524
00:53:25,585 --> 00:53:26,644
especially the neurodivergent

1525
00:53:26,945 --> 00:53:28,885
folks, that's who I'm actually talking to here,

1526
00:53:29,309 --> 00:53:30,610
would feel comfortable

1527
00:53:31,309 --> 00:53:33,250
with me talking about my suspected

1528
00:53:35,150 --> 00:53:37,390
self maybe, kind of. One day I'll say

1529
00:53:37,390 --> 00:53:38,130
self diagnosed

1530
00:53:38,829 --> 00:53:39,329
neurodivergency

1531
00:53:39,710 --> 00:53:42,110
and how I think it has impacted power

1532
00:53:42,110 --> 00:53:43,410
exchange and our power exchange.

1533
00:53:44,385 --> 00:53:46,164
I would be willing, but I want feedback

1534
00:53:46,224 --> 00:53:48,385
before like, I put it on my I

1535
00:53:48,385 --> 00:53:50,864
actually started this year 2025, like, trying to

1536
00:53:50,864 --> 00:53:52,784
be professional again because I had the the

1537
00:53:52,784 --> 00:53:54,244
brain capacity for that.

1538
00:53:54,625 --> 00:53:56,144
And I have a list of topics I'd

1539
00:53:56,144 --> 00:53:57,985
love to address, and that topic is in

1540
00:53:57,985 --> 00:53:58,724
there, but

1541
00:53:59,679 --> 00:54:01,360
I am I am not here to take

1542
00:54:01,360 --> 00:54:03,059
space that is not mine to take.

1543
00:54:03,440 --> 00:54:03,940
So

1544
00:54:07,199 --> 00:54:07,699
so

1545
00:54:08,079 --> 00:54:10,500
that is my comment on that.

1546
00:54:14,315 --> 00:54:16,575
I think if if we look through some

1547
00:54:17,114 --> 00:54:19,535
of how I am with JB

1548
00:54:20,235 --> 00:54:21,055
as a submissive

1549
00:54:21,434 --> 00:54:23,775
through the lens of possible neurodivergency,

1550
00:54:24,635 --> 00:54:26,394
I think JB probably has a lot to

1551
00:54:26,394 --> 00:54:27,855
say on it too.

1552
00:54:31,880 --> 00:54:32,699
But because

1553
00:54:34,039 --> 00:54:35,799
some of the things I would classify as

1554
00:54:35,799 --> 00:54:36,299
neurodivergency,

1555
00:54:37,000 --> 00:54:38,219
I only became aware

1556
00:54:38,760 --> 00:54:41,000
of twofold when the kids are diagnosed, which

1557
00:54:41,000 --> 00:54:43,159
is as I'm going through premenopause and as

1558
00:54:43,159 --> 00:54:45,914
premenopause is, like, in its giant swing of

1559
00:54:46,214 --> 00:54:47,914
things, again, I

1560
00:54:48,375 --> 00:54:49,194
often go,

1561
00:54:49,574 --> 00:54:51,014
is it is it this or is it

1562
00:54:51,014 --> 00:54:53,835
that? I don't know. So

1563
00:54:55,734 --> 00:54:57,514
that is that is my

1564
00:54:59,300 --> 00:55:02,659
my assessment on that. Okay. If there's enough

1565
00:55:02,659 --> 00:55:04,360
folks who are actually neurodivergent,

1566
00:55:04,900 --> 00:55:05,400
who

1567
00:55:06,340 --> 00:55:07,239
listen to this,

1568
00:55:07,860 --> 00:55:09,780
listen to us long enough, know us well

1569
00:55:09,780 --> 00:55:11,380
enough, feel comfortable with us, and they're like,

1570
00:55:11,380 --> 00:55:12,815
yeah. I I think you could talk about

1571
00:55:12,815 --> 00:55:14,735
it. I think you'd be fine. I'm okay.

1572
00:55:14,735 --> 00:55:16,735
And I know that y'all aren't nobody's a

1573
00:55:16,735 --> 00:55:17,715
monolith. So

1574
00:55:18,175 --> 00:55:20,494
just because five people say, hell yeah. You

1575
00:55:20,494 --> 00:55:22,255
totally should doesn't mean there won't be 10

1576
00:55:22,255 --> 00:55:23,795
who don't like it. But I just

1577
00:55:24,414 --> 00:55:26,755
I wanna give people what they would want.

1578
00:55:26,980 --> 00:55:28,820
Mhmm. But I wanna make sure I'm not

1579
00:55:28,820 --> 00:55:30,420
taking space I'm not supposed to take a

1580
00:55:30,420 --> 00:55:30,920
sip.

1581
00:55:37,940 --> 00:55:39,960
So thanks to everybody for all the questions.

1582
00:55:40,019 --> 00:55:42,019
I'm it's kind of exciting that we're

1583
00:55:42,755 --> 00:55:44,114
I'm sure it's annoying for the folks who

1584
00:55:44,114 --> 00:55:45,474
don't get their question answered, but it's kind

1585
00:55:45,474 --> 00:55:46,914
of exciting on this end to get to

1586
00:55:46,914 --> 00:55:48,515
a point where there's too many fucking questions.

1587
00:55:48,515 --> 00:55:50,055
We can't answer all of these.

1588
00:55:51,074 --> 00:55:51,574
And

1589
00:55:54,114 --> 00:55:57,309
there are were several that could absolutely be

1590
00:55:57,309 --> 00:55:58,750
topics, so I need to take notes from

1591
00:55:58,750 --> 00:55:59,250
these

1592
00:55:59,630 --> 00:56:01,389
and add it to my I have a

1593
00:56:01,389 --> 00:56:03,469
a notions. If you know what notions is,

1594
00:56:03,469 --> 00:56:04,530
if you know, you know,

1595
00:56:05,630 --> 00:56:06,130
board,

1596
00:56:07,469 --> 00:56:09,105
and then I've got this whole line of

1597
00:56:09,105 --> 00:56:11,344
just topic ideas, and I just I go

1598
00:56:11,344 --> 00:56:12,704
through. And when we do a topic idea,

1599
00:56:12,704 --> 00:56:14,385
I I mark it as completed. And then

1600
00:56:14,385 --> 00:56:15,985
when I come up with an idea, I

1601
00:56:15,985 --> 00:56:17,585
add it so that I'm not trying to

1602
00:56:17,585 --> 00:56:19,764
trust my brain anymore or

1603
00:56:20,385 --> 00:56:21,045
a ridiculous

1604
00:56:22,150 --> 00:56:24,329
dizzying amount of Post it notes.

1605
00:56:26,070 --> 00:56:27,829
I, at the end of twenty twenty four,

1606
00:56:27,829 --> 00:56:29,670
beginning of '20 '20 '5, was cleaning through

1607
00:56:29,670 --> 00:56:31,510
my desk, trying to, like, set myself up

1608
00:56:31,510 --> 00:56:34,090
for a good start to the year professionally

1609
00:56:34,230 --> 00:56:37,144
anyway, and I had to go through a

1610
00:56:37,144 --> 00:56:39,085
stack of post it notes that was

1611
00:56:39,465 --> 00:56:41,545
half an inch, an inch thick that some

1612
00:56:41,545 --> 00:56:43,885
of which I had been holding on to

1613
00:56:44,105 --> 00:56:45,885
for two plus years.

1614
00:56:46,425 --> 00:56:48,425
I was like, you don't even know what

1615
00:56:48,425 --> 00:56:49,909
this post it note means anymore.

1616
00:56:50,449 --> 00:56:52,369
If you can't make sense of it, it

1617
00:56:52,369 --> 00:56:56,130
doesn't get digitally archived for your memory. Toss

1618
00:56:56,130 --> 00:56:57,109
the fucking thing.

1619
00:56:57,569 --> 00:56:57,809
So

1620
00:57:01,329 --> 00:57:01,829
but

1621
00:57:02,449 --> 00:57:02,949
yeah.

1622
00:57:05,005 --> 00:57:05,505
So,

1623
00:57:06,284 --> 00:57:07,184
are we good?

1624
00:57:07,804 --> 00:57:09,425
That's not for me to say.

1625
00:57:12,204 --> 00:57:14,525
But, yes, we can do a bonus action.

1626
00:57:14,525 --> 00:57:15,025
Okay.

1627
00:57:17,099 --> 00:57:17,760
Oh, yeah.

1628
00:57:18,619 --> 00:57:20,640
God bless you. Girl. Wow.

1629
00:57:21,019 --> 00:57:23,360
I spaced out. I spaced

1630
00:57:24,619 --> 00:57:26,720
out. Wow. Where did you go?

1631
00:57:27,180 --> 00:57:29,019
I don't know. It was it was a

1632
00:57:29,019 --> 00:57:31,315
void. I wasn't having a a clear thought.

1633
00:57:31,315 --> 00:57:32,614
I was just gone.

1634
00:57:34,114 --> 00:57:34,614
Okay.

1635
00:57:34,994 --> 00:57:36,215
Are are we good?

1636
00:57:38,994 --> 00:57:40,994
Keep it kinky y'all. And we'll see you

1637
00:57:40,994 --> 00:57:41,974
next week.

1638
00:57:52,820 --> 00:57:53,320
Yes?

1639
00:57:54,180 --> 00:57:55,860
Can we talk to the cricket? Yes. You

1640
00:57:55,860 --> 00:57:56,360
may.

1641
00:57:58,135 --> 00:58:00,795
Oh, I can. In a brief second. Okay.

1642
00:58:01,335 --> 00:58:03,595
Did you solve the mystery of Audacity?

1643
00:58:04,375 --> 00:58:04,875
What?

1644
00:58:06,454 --> 00:58:09,035
Yes. Silent. I'm a little afraid of what

1645
00:58:09,095 --> 00:58:10,795
facial expression was happening.

1646
00:58:11,095 --> 00:58:12,980
I'm sure it was vacant. I'm sure my

1647
00:58:12,980 --> 00:58:15,800
my expression was just completely vacant.

1648
00:58:16,579 --> 00:58:17,940
I don't know where it went, but I

1649
00:58:17,940 --> 00:58:19,800
was there. I was there. Yeah.

1650
00:58:20,739 --> 00:58:22,659
It was blissfully quiet in my head for,

1651
00:58:22,659 --> 00:58:23,639
like, half a second,

1652
00:58:23,940 --> 00:58:26,264
which maybe was maybe longer than half a

1653
00:58:26,264 --> 00:58:29,565
second based on JV's reaction. I don't know.

1654
00:58:30,585 --> 00:58:32,744
Yeah. I understand the irony of of hemming

1655
00:58:32,744 --> 00:58:34,444
and hawing over am I neurodivergent

1656
00:58:34,824 --> 00:58:35,565
and then

1657
00:58:36,425 --> 00:58:36,925
just

1658
00:58:37,385 --> 00:58:38,905
having that happen. I get it. I get

1659
00:58:38,905 --> 00:58:40,344
it. It's one of those if you know,

1660
00:58:40,344 --> 00:58:41,005
you know.

1661
00:58:45,679 --> 00:58:47,519
Yeah. Yeah. Claire in live chat says, I

1662
00:58:47,519 --> 00:58:49,059
think there are probably a lot of people,

1663
00:58:49,760 --> 00:58:51,920
Claire included, in the same place of not

1664
00:58:51,920 --> 00:58:54,340
diagnosed, but there's probably something going on.

1665
00:58:55,535 --> 00:58:57,934
I saw I've seen a few shirt designs.

1666
00:58:57,934 --> 00:58:59,875
I would kill to have it. This is

1667
00:58:59,934 --> 00:59:00,434
undiagnosed,

1668
00:59:00,815 --> 00:59:03,315
but something ain't right. And I'm like, that

1669
00:59:04,735 --> 00:59:05,394
that feels

1670
00:59:05,695 --> 00:59:06,755
that feels right.

1671
00:59:07,695 --> 00:59:08,835
That feels right.

1672
00:59:09,980 --> 00:59:10,960
Okay. So,

1673
00:59:14,940 --> 00:59:17,579
bonus section. Mhmm. You've had a bit of

1674
00:59:17,579 --> 00:59:19,280
a whirlwind this week.

1675
00:59:20,059 --> 00:59:21,900
I do. What would you like to share

1676
00:59:21,900 --> 00:59:22,719
from that?

1677
00:59:24,445 --> 00:59:24,945
Yeah.

1678
00:59:25,804 --> 00:59:26,304
Whew.

1679
00:59:26,844 --> 00:59:28,364
We I was I wasn't sure we're gonna

1680
00:59:28,364 --> 00:59:30,204
have an episode this week. I know. Which

1681
00:59:30,204 --> 00:59:31,804
would have been fine. Your health is more

1682
00:59:31,804 --> 00:59:32,945
important. But yeah.

1683
00:59:33,565 --> 00:59:35,664
So yeah. Yeah. Let you know?

1684
00:59:37,099 --> 00:59:38,780
Does anyone tell you, you know, the the

1685
00:59:38,780 --> 00:59:41,579
the golden age, you know? Golden years. Golden

1686
00:59:41,579 --> 00:59:42,559
years, you know?

1687
00:59:43,420 --> 00:59:44,400
Fuck that shit.

1688
00:59:49,099 --> 00:59:51,420
No. I I had an episode with my,

1689
00:59:53,474 --> 00:59:54,534
with my back

1690
00:59:54,835 --> 00:59:55,974
beginning of the week

1691
00:59:56,434 --> 00:59:56,755
and,

1692
00:59:57,875 --> 00:59:59,315
have been doing the old man walk for

1693
00:59:59,315 --> 01:00:00,855
a couple days. Yeah.

1694
01:00:01,315 --> 01:00:04,135
And, just getting back to walking upright again.

1695
01:00:06,179 --> 01:00:08,739
So without going into too much detail, you

1696
01:00:08,739 --> 01:00:10,440
know, I talked about a little bit.

1697
01:00:11,219 --> 01:00:13,559
I have arthritis through my spine

1698
01:00:14,099 --> 01:00:17,059
and a number of bad discs. So, you

1699
01:00:17,059 --> 01:00:18,679
know, I have good days. I have

1700
01:00:19,055 --> 01:00:20,275
not so good days.

1701
01:00:20,894 --> 01:00:22,515
Yeah. Exactly. And this was

1702
01:00:22,815 --> 01:00:23,555
a a week

1703
01:00:23,934 --> 01:00:26,735
Yeah. For you. Mhmm. Mhmm. We just slowed

1704
01:00:26,735 --> 01:00:29,135
everything down. Yep. Bunny asked in live chat,

1705
01:00:29,135 --> 01:00:30,735
how many total questions did we get this

1706
01:00:30,735 --> 01:00:33,130
time? 25.

1707
01:00:33,130 --> 01:00:34,730
I almost forgot the number. I literally was

1708
01:00:34,730 --> 01:00:37,789
just counting. Wow. 25 questions. Yep. Dang. Yeah.

1709
01:00:38,889 --> 01:00:39,389
Yeah.

1710
01:00:39,769 --> 01:00:41,690
You when you're back, it does what what

1711
01:00:41,690 --> 01:00:44,329
it does. I I'm my brain immediately goes

1712
01:00:44,329 --> 01:00:45,764
to, uh-oh. Uh-oh. Who do I need to

1713
01:00:45,764 --> 01:00:47,464
call? What what's happening now?

1714
01:00:48,244 --> 01:00:48,744
And

1715
01:00:49,125 --> 01:00:51,284
I was about to invoke the tough love

1716
01:00:51,284 --> 01:00:51,784
clause

1717
01:00:52,484 --> 01:00:55,065
because you had started feeling bad.

1718
01:00:55,444 --> 01:00:57,684
It was clear. It was obvious. Wasn't able

1719
01:00:57,684 --> 01:00:59,065
to, like, function well.

1720
01:00:59,364 --> 01:01:01,429
But every time I was like and I

1721
01:01:01,429 --> 01:01:02,710
I know I'm a nag about it because,

1722
01:01:02,710 --> 01:01:05,429
like, I'm anxious. We know this. So I

1723
01:01:05,429 --> 01:01:06,569
try to, like,

1724
01:01:06,869 --> 01:01:09,190
not check-in too often, but I had already

1725
01:01:09,190 --> 01:01:10,329
gotten by, I think,

1726
01:01:11,190 --> 01:01:11,690
Monday.

1727
01:01:12,934 --> 01:01:14,695
I think I had decided, okay. If he's

1728
01:01:14,695 --> 01:01:17,734
not seeing improvement by by today, Wednesday, or

1729
01:01:17,734 --> 01:01:18,234
Thursday,

1730
01:01:18,614 --> 01:01:20,695
I'm gonna insist that we go see a

1731
01:01:20,695 --> 01:01:23,114
doctor, and I'm invoking the tough love clause.

1732
01:01:23,655 --> 01:01:25,894
But you are starting to Yeah. Be on

1733
01:01:25,894 --> 01:01:26,934
the other side of it. So

1734
01:01:27,815 --> 01:01:28,315
Yep.

1735
01:01:30,510 --> 01:01:33,230
So yeah. Yeah. Most most times, as long

1736
01:01:33,230 --> 01:01:35,090
as I can sit back, take it easy,

1737
01:01:37,390 --> 01:01:37,969
you know,

1738
01:01:39,230 --> 01:01:41,710
sit with the heating pad Mhmm. And,

1739
01:01:42,670 --> 01:01:44,130
yeah. Usually, I can get

1740
01:01:46,804 --> 01:01:47,925
Yeah. I know.

1741
01:01:48,565 --> 01:01:49,045
We

1742
01:01:49,364 --> 01:01:51,125
because we had to, timing being what it

1743
01:01:51,125 --> 01:01:52,484
was. We couldn't do it earlier. We had

1744
01:01:52,484 --> 01:01:54,484
to go to Sam's Club on Tuesday. I

1745
01:01:54,484 --> 01:01:56,484
would kill for a Costco in this town,

1746
01:01:56,484 --> 01:01:58,644
but we don't have one. So we go

1747
01:01:58,644 --> 01:02:00,929
to Sam's Club. Middle of the day, not

1748
01:02:00,929 --> 01:02:03,250
my favorite time to go, and I need

1749
01:02:03,250 --> 01:02:03,909
to drive,

1750
01:02:05,329 --> 01:02:07,570
because that's how you you wanna know how

1751
01:02:07,570 --> 01:02:09,969
j bad JB's feeling? Is he driving or

1752
01:02:09,969 --> 01:02:11,650
not? He has not been doing a lot

1753
01:02:11,650 --> 01:02:13,409
of driving. So I had to drive, which

1754
01:02:13,409 --> 01:02:15,355
that was fine. Parking lot with Sam's. Any

1755
01:02:15,474 --> 01:02:16,914
if you know, you know. Costco is the

1756
01:02:16,914 --> 01:02:19,255
same way too. It's a madhouse. It's crazy.

1757
01:02:20,195 --> 01:02:20,695
So

1758
01:02:21,155 --> 01:02:23,875
the weirdest thing was even though he's got

1759
01:02:23,875 --> 01:02:25,714
a bad back, and I'm constantly going, how

1760
01:02:25,714 --> 01:02:27,074
can I help? How can I help? Even

1761
01:02:27,074 --> 01:02:28,500
when he's not feeling bad,

1762
01:02:28,980 --> 01:02:31,139
This time, he had to admit, yeah. You

1763
01:02:31,139 --> 01:02:32,679
gotta pick up all the heavy stuff.

1764
01:02:33,139 --> 01:02:35,059
No. It's like, okay. I mean, okay. Like

1765
01:02:35,300 --> 01:02:37,239
Mhmm. Not even a question. Right?

1766
01:02:37,699 --> 01:02:38,760
But one,

1767
01:02:39,460 --> 01:02:40,360
I am both

1768
01:02:40,815 --> 01:02:41,315
stronger

1769
01:02:41,614 --> 01:02:43,614
than I think I am and also in

1770
01:02:43,614 --> 01:02:45,295
a couple of areas much weaker than I

1771
01:02:45,295 --> 01:02:46,974
think I am. I almost took myself out.

1772
01:02:46,974 --> 01:02:49,135
Yeah. I had to lift something heavy over

1773
01:02:49,135 --> 01:02:51,315
my head, and I could just feel myself

1774
01:02:51,454 --> 01:02:52,434
going backwards.

1775
01:02:54,030 --> 01:02:54,849
But that

1776
01:02:55,309 --> 01:02:57,469
that's when we almost came, not to blows,

1777
01:02:57,469 --> 01:02:58,670
but we got a little fussy with one

1778
01:02:58,670 --> 01:02:59,950
another in the parking lot. Because I was

1779
01:02:59,950 --> 01:03:01,550
like, I'd watched him walk through Sam's, and

1780
01:03:01,550 --> 01:03:03,170
I had not liked what I had seen.

1781
01:03:03,230 --> 01:03:04,695
And I was like, please sit down. Just

1782
01:03:04,855 --> 01:03:06,614
just play on your phone, and I'll I

1783
01:03:06,695 --> 01:03:08,215
it won't be the way you like, but

1784
01:03:08,215 --> 01:03:09,994
I'll pack the car up. And,

1785
01:03:10,614 --> 01:03:13,094
you know, he insisted on, like, helping and

1786
01:03:13,094 --> 01:03:13,994
got got a little

1787
01:03:15,015 --> 01:03:15,835
little growly.

1788
01:03:16,535 --> 01:03:18,389
Yeah. But I I stayed with the light

1789
01:03:18,389 --> 01:03:20,469
stuff, the paper towels, toilet paper, you know,

1790
01:03:20,469 --> 01:03:22,569
that kind of stuff. So And and I'm

1791
01:03:23,349 --> 01:03:24,409
I'm sure it's the

1792
01:03:25,510 --> 01:03:26,010
constant

1793
01:03:26,389 --> 01:03:28,469
back and forth that you become annoyed by,

1794
01:03:28,469 --> 01:03:30,230
and I'm I'm trying to do what's right,

1795
01:03:30,230 --> 01:03:32,089
but I'm probably fucking it up of

1796
01:03:32,469 --> 01:03:33,049
I want

1797
01:03:33,585 --> 01:03:35,744
to help you take care of yourself Mhmm.

1798
01:03:36,224 --> 01:03:38,224
And also, obviously, let you keep as much

1799
01:03:38,224 --> 01:03:40,065
autonomy and ability to do shit as you

1800
01:03:40,065 --> 01:03:41,984
want. And I when I'm worried that you're

1801
01:03:41,984 --> 01:03:44,465
gonna, like, get hurt hurt, like, I I

1802
01:03:44,465 --> 01:03:47,105
have to remind myself about that. This this

1803
01:03:47,105 --> 01:03:47,844
time, especially

1804
01:03:48,410 --> 01:03:50,430
when I had when this little episode

1805
01:03:51,130 --> 01:03:51,630
popped

1806
01:03:52,010 --> 01:03:54,989
up, I'm I'm actually trying to do better

1807
01:03:55,289 --> 01:03:57,230
Mhmm. You know, in saying when,

1808
01:03:57,610 --> 01:04:00,010
yeah, I need help instead of trying to

1809
01:04:00,010 --> 01:04:01,469
power through. Yes.

1810
01:04:01,769 --> 01:04:02,264
Yes.

1811
01:04:02,664 --> 01:04:05,144
I I I'm trying to be better because

1812
01:04:05,144 --> 01:04:05,885
I'm I'm

1813
01:04:07,625 --> 01:04:09,244
gained have gained a better

1814
01:04:09,704 --> 01:04:10,204
understanding

1815
01:04:10,585 --> 01:04:12,684
of what's really going on with my back.

1816
01:04:14,505 --> 01:04:15,005
I

1817
01:04:16,519 --> 01:04:17,800
I can see that, and I agree with

1818
01:04:17,800 --> 01:04:19,659
that, and I'm grateful for that. I

1819
01:04:20,199 --> 01:04:22,199
would probably, if if I was not the

1820
01:04:22,199 --> 01:04:23,820
little s in this situation

1821
01:04:24,199 --> 01:04:25,019
Mhmm. Would

1822
01:04:26,519 --> 01:04:27,735
demand slash urge,

1823
01:04:28,295 --> 01:04:29,195
pick a word,

1824
01:04:29,494 --> 01:04:31,195
you to be more cautious.

1825
01:04:31,575 --> 01:04:34,135
Because I still think some sometimes, I still

1826
01:04:34,135 --> 01:04:36,635
think you go too far. But, again, you're

1827
01:04:36,934 --> 01:04:39,335
a grown ass adult and the dom. I'm

1828
01:04:39,335 --> 01:04:41,949
gonna be like, hey. Are you sure? But,

1829
01:04:41,949 --> 01:04:44,210
you know, ultimately, it's it's your choice.

1830
01:04:44,510 --> 01:04:45,010
True.

1831
01:04:45,390 --> 01:04:47,309
I just I do the annoying thing of

1832
01:04:47,309 --> 01:04:49,230
just remember the if you push too hard

1833
01:04:49,230 --> 01:04:51,329
today, that means you can't do shit tomorrow.

1834
01:04:51,550 --> 01:04:52,050
Right.

1835
01:04:52,670 --> 01:04:53,329
But yeah.

1836
01:04:53,710 --> 01:04:55,390
And and I am. I'm I am trying

1837
01:04:55,390 --> 01:04:57,034
to be better with that with this

1838
01:04:57,655 --> 01:04:59,994
because, you know, I I know,

1839
01:05:01,655 --> 01:05:02,954
you know, what the

1840
01:05:04,855 --> 01:05:07,594
outcome will be if I disregard it. Yeah.

1841
01:05:07,894 --> 01:05:10,190
For sure. And I do not wanna go

1842
01:05:10,190 --> 01:05:11,010
back to that.

1843
01:05:11,630 --> 01:05:13,309
No. No. I can help. By the worst

1844
01:05:13,309 --> 01:05:16,109
one's done. I mean, if if it if

1845
01:05:16,109 --> 01:05:18,369
slash when it gets too bad

1846
01:05:18,750 --> 01:05:21,324
consistently, like, our whole life then changes. Yeah.

1847
01:05:21,324 --> 01:05:23,565
In in some pretty big ways. I've I've

1848
01:05:23,565 --> 01:05:25,425
been doing everything I can

1849
01:05:25,965 --> 01:05:28,445
to to hold off surgery on this. Yeah.

1850
01:05:28,445 --> 01:05:29,985
That too. That too. Yeah.

1851
01:05:30,285 --> 01:05:30,785
So

1852
01:05:31,244 --> 01:05:32,385
anyhoo Yeah.

1853
01:05:32,844 --> 01:05:35,405
Just brought the whole room down. Sorry, y'all.

1854
01:05:35,405 --> 01:05:37,380
Anyhoo. What else is going going on? Let's

1855
01:05:37,380 --> 01:05:40,420
see. Lola is doing doing fairly well. She

1856
01:05:40,420 --> 01:05:42,659
is on a new pain medication Yep. That

1857
01:05:42,659 --> 01:05:44,980
had her apparently feeling so good. I think

1858
01:05:44,980 --> 01:05:46,920
we saw a little bit of her puppy

1859
01:05:47,059 --> 01:05:49,539
self come out. Yes. Last night. Yep. All

1860
01:05:49,539 --> 01:05:50,739
we did was go to we were gone

1861
01:05:50,739 --> 01:05:53,173
two hours, y'all. She don't usually give a

1862
01:05:53,173 --> 01:05:55,570
shit if we're gone two hours. Yeah. That's,

1863
01:05:55,570 --> 01:05:57,968
like, one of her naps. She was so

1864
01:05:57,968 --> 01:06:00,366
excited when we came home. She was there.

1865
01:06:00,366 --> 01:06:02,763
Every time we went in and out to

1866
01:06:02,763 --> 01:06:05,161
carry something in, she was there by the

1867
01:06:05,161 --> 01:06:06,360
door waiting for us.

1868
01:06:07,160 --> 01:06:08,059
She had that

1869
01:06:08,680 --> 01:06:10,440
not just the tail wag. It was the

1870
01:06:10,440 --> 01:06:13,960
whole Her whole body. Yep. And then she

1871
01:06:14,200 --> 01:06:16,680
And she had to sniff And that's everything

1872
01:06:16,680 --> 01:06:17,960
we brought in the house. And part of

1873
01:06:17,960 --> 01:06:20,360
that's her, like, dog thing, duh. But it's,

1874
01:06:20,360 --> 01:06:23,534
like, her breed just they sniff. Right? So

1875
01:06:23,534 --> 01:06:25,454
we have learned we keep her happy and

1876
01:06:25,454 --> 01:06:26,974
whatever when we if we walk in with

1877
01:06:26,974 --> 01:06:29,155
something, we let her sniff. Yeah.

1878
01:06:29,454 --> 01:06:31,315
I've never I I mean,

1879
01:06:31,934 --> 01:06:34,034
this was zoomy level energy,

1880
01:06:34,480 --> 01:06:36,640
but in her nose. Like, right. She wasn't

1881
01:06:36,640 --> 01:06:38,260
racing back and forth in Zoomies,

1882
01:06:38,559 --> 01:06:40,239
but her whole head so I don't I

1883
01:06:40,239 --> 01:06:41,680
think we've talked about this before. We got

1884
01:06:41,680 --> 01:06:43,199
a hack off the Internet that actually fucking

1885
01:06:43,199 --> 01:06:44,640
worked. When we go to Aldi and we

1886
01:06:44,640 --> 01:06:46,239
go to Sam's where you don't get bags

1887
01:06:46,239 --> 01:06:48,014
for anything, we have laundry baskets in the

1888
01:06:48,014 --> 01:06:49,454
trunk of the car. Mhmm. And so we

1889
01:06:49,454 --> 01:06:51,775
can carry that stuff in much easier just

1890
01:06:51,775 --> 01:06:54,734
using a laundry basket. Right. This dog sniffed

1891
01:06:54,734 --> 01:06:55,635
from one

1892
01:06:56,014 --> 01:06:58,255
end of the laundry basket I was holding.

1893
01:06:58,255 --> 01:07:00,255
Of course, me, the weak one is like,

1894
01:07:00,255 --> 01:07:01,855
it's starting to, like, drop out of my

1895
01:07:01,855 --> 01:07:03,989
hand. She sniffs from this side all the

1896
01:07:03,989 --> 01:07:06,789
way down the length of the Yeah. Laundry

1897
01:07:06,789 --> 01:07:08,789
basket and then back again. Like, she was

1898
01:07:08,789 --> 01:07:10,789
eating corn on the cob or something. She's

1899
01:07:10,789 --> 01:07:11,849
going back and forth.

1900
01:07:12,710 --> 01:07:13,989
And I just stood there and let her

1901
01:07:13,989 --> 01:07:15,195
do it, but she that's not not her

1902
01:07:15,195 --> 01:07:18,015
normal It's it's funny vibe. Because now

1903
01:07:18,875 --> 01:07:19,375
after

1904
01:07:20,075 --> 01:07:22,175
having taken Lola to the ophthalmologist

1905
01:07:22,555 --> 01:07:23,055
Mhmm.

1906
01:07:23,835 --> 01:07:24,335
The,

1907
01:07:25,755 --> 01:07:26,255
assistant

1908
01:07:27,355 --> 01:07:29,755
that was, you know, taking the picture, doing

1909
01:07:29,755 --> 01:07:30,255
everything,

1910
01:07:30,579 --> 01:07:31,400
She understood

1911
01:07:32,019 --> 01:07:34,099
her breed so well before she tried to

1912
01:07:34,099 --> 01:07:35,940
take her temperature, before she tried to take

1913
01:07:35,940 --> 01:07:36,440
pictures.

1914
01:07:36,739 --> 01:07:37,960
She she sewed

1915
01:07:38,500 --> 01:07:40,900
Lola the camera. She showed the, you know,

1916
01:07:40,900 --> 01:07:41,400
the

1917
01:07:41,859 --> 01:07:42,359
thermometer

1918
01:07:42,659 --> 01:07:45,355
Mhmm. And let her sniff until she and

1919
01:07:45,574 --> 01:07:48,375
yeah. Yep. So we are getting better about

1920
01:07:48,375 --> 01:07:49,835
that. Mhmm. I don't

1921
01:07:50,295 --> 01:07:51,734
the just because the Internet told me something

1922
01:07:51,734 --> 01:07:53,994
don't mean it's true, but the Internet said

1923
01:07:54,454 --> 01:07:54,954
that

1924
01:07:56,130 --> 01:07:58,130
terrier breeds, this the kind that need to

1925
01:07:58,130 --> 01:07:59,829
sniff shit, that that's a good

1926
01:08:00,369 --> 01:08:02,529
mental exercise for them. It kinda keeps them

1927
01:08:02,529 --> 01:08:03,909
sharp and keeps them engaged.

1928
01:08:06,130 --> 01:08:07,029
I don't know.

1929
01:08:07,730 --> 01:08:09,444
I just know the Internet told me that.

1930
01:08:09,444 --> 01:08:11,525
And she seems happy. So Right. It's not

1931
01:08:11,525 --> 01:08:12,344
a bad thing.

1932
01:08:14,484 --> 01:08:17,145
So, yeah, that's been Mhmm. That's been nice.

1933
01:08:17,204 --> 01:08:17,704
Yep.

1934
01:08:20,885 --> 01:08:22,244
I took you for your first

1935
01:08:23,229 --> 01:08:25,310
Oh my god. Ride on the Can Am

1936
01:08:25,390 --> 01:08:27,229
Oh my god. Sunday. Okay. So I don't

1937
01:08:27,229 --> 01:08:28,829
think we ever explained this because by the

1938
01:08:28,829 --> 01:08:30,670
time we started the podcast, we lived together,

1939
01:08:30,670 --> 01:08:32,289
and then we were long past this.

1940
01:08:32,829 --> 01:08:34,989
The very first time JB took me Excuse

1941
01:08:34,989 --> 01:08:36,050
me. On the motorcycle

1942
01:08:36,845 --> 01:08:38,524
when it was a two wheeled motorcycle and

1943
01:08:38,524 --> 01:08:40,125
he came to visit me where I used

1944
01:08:40,125 --> 01:08:41,485
to live in the Panhandle Of Florida,

1945
01:08:43,244 --> 01:08:44,064
I screamed

1946
01:08:44,524 --> 01:08:46,364
the whole we went a mile up the

1947
01:08:46,364 --> 01:08:47,885
road, but he had to get up to,

1948
01:08:47,885 --> 01:08:50,064
like, forty, forty five miles an hour,

1949
01:08:50,800 --> 01:08:52,079
because we had to go with the flow

1950
01:08:52,079 --> 01:08:53,300
of traffic. And,

1951
01:08:53,760 --> 01:08:55,520
I I screamed the whole way, and I

1952
01:08:55,520 --> 01:08:57,119
didn't have gloves at the time, and I

1953
01:08:57,119 --> 01:08:59,619
was latched on him like a monkey.

1954
01:09:00,239 --> 01:09:04,079
And I actually left wet hand marks in

1955
01:09:04,079 --> 01:09:04,819
his shirt

1956
01:09:05,414 --> 01:09:08,774
from how hard my palms got sweated from

1957
01:09:08,774 --> 01:09:09,835
the fear, the anxiety.

1958
01:09:10,295 --> 01:09:11,034
That was

1959
01:09:12,375 --> 01:09:13,514
and he's 13

1960
01:09:13,895 --> 01:09:15,114
before perimenopausal

1961
01:09:15,654 --> 01:09:17,755
levels of anxiety, by the way.

1962
01:09:19,439 --> 01:09:19,939
We

1963
01:09:20,479 --> 01:09:22,340
get on the Can Am, which is steadier.

1964
01:09:22,399 --> 01:09:24,899
There's no balancing. Yeah. On three fucking wheels.

1965
01:09:25,119 --> 01:09:27,760
I have a more comfortable seat with a

1966
01:09:27,760 --> 01:09:28,979
back to it.

1967
01:09:29,439 --> 01:09:30,340
So, technically,

1968
01:09:31,199 --> 01:09:32,020
I'm more,

1969
01:09:33,199 --> 01:09:33,699
like,

1970
01:09:34,065 --> 01:09:34,565
surrounded.

1971
01:09:35,425 --> 01:09:37,905
And he's right there, and I don't got

1972
01:09:37,905 --> 01:09:39,985
a lot, but I I got these thighs

1973
01:09:39,985 --> 01:09:42,065
will squeeze you. Okay? And so they're, like,

1974
01:09:42,065 --> 01:09:43,445
wrapped around his hips.

1975
01:09:44,864 --> 01:09:46,164
He tried to get up

1976
01:09:46,545 --> 01:09:48,859
to fifteen, twenty miles an hour, and I

1977
01:09:48,859 --> 01:09:50,780
was just behind. I was going, too fast.

1978
01:09:50,780 --> 01:09:52,220
Too fast. Too fast. I'm glad we didn't

1979
01:09:52,220 --> 01:09:53,439
have the intercom system

1980
01:09:53,899 --> 01:09:55,340
set up yet because I don't think you

1981
01:09:55,340 --> 01:09:58,140
would've I was just talking myself knowing probably

1982
01:09:58,140 --> 01:09:59,520
would've turned it off. You probably

1983
01:10:00,939 --> 01:10:02,375
at First, he tried to get up he

1984
01:10:02,375 --> 01:10:04,055
got up to, like, 15. I went too

1985
01:10:04,055 --> 01:10:05,494
fast too fast. So he backed back to

1986
01:10:05,494 --> 01:10:06,854
10. Then he needed to get up to

1987
01:10:06,854 --> 01:10:09,095
20 because we I mean and I was

1988
01:10:09,095 --> 01:10:10,454
like, I think it's too fast. I think

1989
01:10:10,454 --> 01:10:11,354
it's too fast.

1990
01:10:13,335 --> 01:10:16,260
I even have hand, like, grabby things. I

1991
01:10:16,260 --> 01:10:18,579
have a place to set my feet. I

1992
01:10:18,579 --> 01:10:21,159
did not have this shit the last time.

1993
01:10:21,859 --> 01:10:22,920
And I felt

1994
01:10:23,380 --> 01:10:25,800
insecure not holding on to him,

1995
01:10:26,739 --> 01:10:29,974
but also the hand rests the bar things

1996
01:10:29,974 --> 01:10:32,215
are stable. They're not going anywhere. So I

1997
01:10:32,215 --> 01:10:33,514
had one arm

1998
01:10:33,814 --> 01:10:35,895
holding the arm thing. It was my left,

1999
01:10:35,895 --> 01:10:38,395
and my right hand was holding his jacket.

2000
01:10:39,814 --> 01:10:41,734
And, I don't know what would have happened

2001
01:10:41,734 --> 01:10:43,390
if somehow I'd gone flying through the air.

2002
01:10:43,390 --> 01:10:45,149
I might have lost an arm. JB would

2003
01:10:45,149 --> 01:10:46,430
have lost a jacket or he was coming

2004
01:10:46,430 --> 01:10:47,090
with me.

2005
01:10:47,470 --> 01:10:51,010
I held the the handle thing so hard.

2006
01:10:51,869 --> 01:10:53,949
My whole arm was on fire because of

2007
01:10:53,949 --> 01:10:55,010
the muscle tinge.

2008
01:10:57,215 --> 01:10:58,034
I was like,

2009
01:10:59,295 --> 01:11:00,274
oh, this is

2010
01:11:00,734 --> 01:11:02,274
this feels like

2011
01:11:03,454 --> 01:11:06,014
the same level of anxiety as the first

2012
01:11:06,014 --> 01:11:06,514
time,

2013
01:11:06,895 --> 01:11:08,594
but I didn't scream,

2014
01:11:09,750 --> 01:11:11,350
and I got to wear my own big

2015
01:11:11,350 --> 01:11:13,829
girl motorcycle gloves. If I sweated through them,

2016
01:11:13,829 --> 01:11:14,890
I did not notice.

2017
01:11:15,430 --> 01:11:17,670
I just I very little voice going too

2018
01:11:17,670 --> 01:11:20,229
fast, too fast, too fast. He was so

2019
01:11:20,229 --> 01:11:22,550
comfortable at that such a slow speed. He's

2020
01:11:22,550 --> 01:11:24,630
got one hand on, like, the thing, and

2021
01:11:24,630 --> 01:11:26,805
he puts his his arm back and, like,

2022
01:11:26,805 --> 01:11:28,564
pats my leg. And I'm like, nope. Two

2023
01:11:28,564 --> 01:11:30,885
hands. Two hands. Two hands. My brain is

2024
01:11:30,885 --> 01:11:33,125
going, look. You're clearly fine. If he feels

2025
01:11:33,125 --> 01:11:33,625
comfortable

2026
01:11:34,164 --> 01:11:37,045
not being at the motorcycle equivalent of ten

2027
01:11:37,045 --> 01:11:37,704
and two,

2028
01:11:38,244 --> 01:11:40,619
you're fine. But it felt so fast. It

2029
01:11:40,619 --> 01:11:42,159
felt so fast. So

2030
01:11:42,939 --> 01:11:45,199
we have to get my reintroduction

2031
01:11:45,899 --> 01:11:46,719
to riding

2032
01:11:47,659 --> 01:11:50,300
back. It's gonna be a slow thing. It's

2033
01:11:50,300 --> 01:11:52,300
gotta be a slow Yeah. I'm gonna have

2034
01:11:52,300 --> 01:11:54,614
to be used to a certain speed before

2035
01:11:54,614 --> 01:11:56,234
he's allowed to bump up the speed.

2036
01:11:56,774 --> 01:11:57,974
I don't know how long it's gonna take

2037
01:11:57,974 --> 01:11:59,255
before I can go on a legit ride.

2038
01:11:59,255 --> 01:12:01,514
I used to love riding with you too.

2039
01:12:01,974 --> 01:12:04,215
Once I got comfortable on the motorcycle, man,

2040
01:12:04,215 --> 01:12:05,835
I was like, hell yeah. Let's go.

2041
01:12:07,255 --> 01:12:09,630
And I I was I was telling JB,

2042
01:12:09,630 --> 01:12:11,949
my anxiety level is more extreme than it

2043
01:12:11,949 --> 01:12:14,189
used to be. But also, I don't know

2044
01:12:14,189 --> 01:12:15,869
how other anxious people are about this, but

2045
01:12:15,869 --> 01:12:17,170
here's how my brain works.

2046
01:12:17,550 --> 01:12:18,289
My anxiety

2047
01:12:18,670 --> 01:12:21,310
is constantly worrying about what if my version

2048
01:12:21,310 --> 01:12:23,010
of the worst happens, right?

2049
01:12:23,704 --> 01:12:25,704
And typically, if I can plan what I

2050
01:12:25,704 --> 01:12:27,625
think I'll do, that's very soothing to me.

2051
01:12:27,625 --> 01:12:30,125
I can usually, like, usually calm down.

2052
01:12:30,824 --> 01:12:31,324
But

2053
01:12:32,425 --> 01:12:35,189
what I have discovered about myself is once

2054
01:12:35,750 --> 01:12:37,750
my version of what the worst what's the

2055
01:12:37,750 --> 01:12:40,090
worst that could happen actually happens,

2056
01:12:40,550 --> 01:12:43,350
like getting hit, like being flying off your

2057
01:12:43,350 --> 01:12:45,829
motorcycle, like going to the hospital in a

2058
01:12:45,829 --> 01:12:47,805
fucking ambulance, all of that,

2059
01:12:48,445 --> 01:12:50,525
I can never convince my brain again that

2060
01:12:50,525 --> 01:12:53,405
that there's it happened once. It can it's

2061
01:12:53,405 --> 01:12:55,645
clearly a thing that can happen. It could

2062
01:12:55,645 --> 01:12:56,385
happen again.

2063
01:12:57,164 --> 01:12:58,625
And the way perimenopause

2064
01:12:58,925 --> 01:13:00,604
has affected my anxiety, it's just

2065
01:13:01,409 --> 01:13:04,449
it it's more intense. It's more intense. And

2066
01:13:04,449 --> 01:13:06,310
now I am acutely aware

2067
01:13:06,850 --> 01:13:08,530
of how bad it can go. And he

2068
01:13:08,530 --> 01:13:10,369
didn't even get the worst of what could

2069
01:13:10,369 --> 01:13:11,189
have happened.

2070
01:13:12,050 --> 01:13:12,550
The,

2071
01:13:13,329 --> 01:13:15,885
EMTs and the nurses were were real happy

2072
01:13:15,885 --> 01:13:17,324
to tell us what they've had to do

2073
01:13:17,324 --> 01:13:19,505
for people not as fortunate as JB.

2074
01:13:20,045 --> 01:13:20,545
Yeah.

2075
01:13:21,404 --> 01:13:23,404
So, yeah, we know how bad it could,

2076
01:13:23,404 --> 01:13:25,984
and I trust JB. I trust JB completely.

2077
01:13:26,970 --> 01:13:28,570
I just still contend. If I could just

2078
01:13:28,570 --> 01:13:29,630
have a lap belt

2079
01:13:30,090 --> 01:13:32,810
and feel like I'm tied in, I think

2080
01:13:32,810 --> 01:13:34,190
I would be more comfortable.

2081
01:13:36,489 --> 01:13:37,310
Oh god.

2082
01:13:38,570 --> 01:13:39,070
Alright.

2083
01:13:41,045 --> 01:13:43,525
And Silent pointed out, my helmet. My helmet

2084
01:13:43,525 --> 01:13:44,965
is cute. I hope you enjoy the helmet.

2085
01:13:44,965 --> 01:13:46,965
It is very cute. I did. It has

2086
01:13:46,965 --> 01:13:49,204
built in shades. I I forgot where the

2087
01:13:49,204 --> 01:13:50,965
button was to slide them down, but, like,

2088
01:13:50,965 --> 01:13:52,890
if the sun's in my face, it it

2089
01:13:52,890 --> 01:13:54,890
covers. It's really cool. I have a cool

2090
01:13:54,890 --> 01:13:55,390
helmet.

2091
01:13:55,850 --> 01:13:58,250
Now I just apparently need to, like

2092
01:13:59,689 --> 01:14:01,449
I don't know. We actually did talk about

2093
01:14:01,449 --> 01:14:03,449
taking a small dose edible, see if it

2094
01:14:03,449 --> 01:14:04,270
would, like,

2095
01:14:04,984 --> 01:14:06,984
reduce the anxiety enough I could function, not

2096
01:14:06,984 --> 01:14:08,604
for him to drive, for me to ride.

2097
01:14:08,984 --> 01:14:09,724
Yeah. No.

2098
01:14:10,824 --> 01:14:12,664
So we might try that, see what what

2099
01:14:12,664 --> 01:14:14,764
that does. But, yeah, but, yeah, that that's

2100
01:14:15,224 --> 01:14:16,444
that's my reintroduction

2101
01:14:16,824 --> 01:14:18,204
to writing. Mhmm.

2102
01:14:21,119 --> 01:14:21,619
Okay.

2103
01:14:22,000 --> 01:14:23,600
So all of that, you're tired of having

2104
01:14:23,600 --> 01:14:25,360
to fight with audacity? I know. Tired of

2105
01:14:25,360 --> 01:14:26,640
having to fight with that. And,

2106
01:14:27,920 --> 01:14:30,659
let's wrap this up. Mhmm. And,

2107
01:14:31,840 --> 01:14:33,600
folks, you're gonna see us pop back in

2108
01:14:33,600 --> 01:14:35,199
a minute here real quick. You mean on

2109
01:14:35,199 --> 01:14:37,564
the livestream? Yeah. Okay. Or on a live

2110
01:14:37,564 --> 01:14:39,485
stream. On a live stream, not the live

2111
01:14:39,485 --> 01:14:41,345
stream. Mhmm. Okay. So

2112
01:14:42,284 --> 01:14:44,045
JB is in IT man mode, and we

2113
01:14:44,045 --> 01:14:45,324
just need to let him be in IT

2114
01:14:45,324 --> 01:14:47,824
man mode. He just needs his cape. Purple,

2115
01:14:48,284 --> 01:14:48,784
holographic,

2116
01:14:49,805 --> 01:14:50,305
sparkles.

2117
01:14:51,130 --> 01:14:52,670
Color changing. Absolutely.

2118
01:14:53,130 --> 01:14:54,030
He'd rock

2119
01:14:55,690 --> 01:14:57,449
it. Y'all, I'm not joking. I'm not I'm

2120
01:14:57,449 --> 01:14:59,869
being silly, but I'm not that's not facetious.

2121
01:15:00,010 --> 01:15:01,610
He would rock it. He would absolutely wear

2122
01:15:01,610 --> 01:15:04,750
it. We love somebody secure in their masculinity

2123
01:15:05,130 --> 01:15:06,110
that they're not

2124
01:15:06,564 --> 01:15:08,905
afraid of colors and sparkles.

2125
01:15:09,524 --> 01:15:10,024
Anyway,

2126
01:15:10,484 --> 01:15:12,725
I'll that's another bandwagon for me to get

2127
01:15:12,725 --> 01:15:15,145
on another time. Yeah. Another time.

2128
01:15:15,648 --> 01:15:17,807
Okay. We'll go. Okay. JB's gonna do his

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01:15:17,807 --> 01:15:19,828
thing. Alright. Okay. Bye, y'all.