1 00:00:08,559 --> 00:00:10,880 You're listening to the Loving BDSM podcast. Kayla 2 00:00:10,880 --> 00:00:12,500 Lords here with the one, the only, 3 00:00:12,804 --> 00:00:13,544 the amazing 4 00:00:14,245 --> 00:00:16,804 IT man. You just need a purple cape, 5 00:00:16,804 --> 00:00:17,864 John Brown's time. 6 00:00:18,885 --> 00:00:19,385 Okay. 7 00:00:19,845 --> 00:00:20,345 We 8 00:00:20,725 --> 00:00:23,125 we as in family, the kids and I 9 00:00:23,125 --> 00:00:24,425 used to, call 10 00:00:24,725 --> 00:00:25,225 JB 11 00:00:25,525 --> 00:00:27,765 IT man whenever we needed him to fix 12 00:00:27,765 --> 00:00:29,980 a tech thing. Yep. And this day that 13 00:00:29,980 --> 00:00:32,060 we are recording this episode is filled with 14 00:00:32,060 --> 00:00:32,799 tech things. 15 00:00:33,100 --> 00:00:35,120 Oh my god. Need your shiny cape. 16 00:00:35,820 --> 00:00:38,700 Mhmm. Your superhero cape. Something like that. Mhmm. 17 00:00:38,700 --> 00:00:40,940 Mhmm. We're not talking about that this week 18 00:00:40,940 --> 00:00:42,539 though. No. No. No. This week, we're answering 19 00:00:42,539 --> 00:00:44,125 a question from a submissive who wants to 20 00:00:44,125 --> 00:00:46,445 know how to plan ahead and negotiate for 21 00:00:46,445 --> 00:00:48,704 when their long distance relationship 22 00:00:49,085 --> 00:00:50,144 goes in person. 23 00:00:50,604 --> 00:00:52,524 Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If you're 24 00:00:52,524 --> 00:00:53,964 new here, we help kinksters like you have 25 00:00:53,964 --> 00:00:56,284 happy, healthy power exchange relationships. At the podcast, 26 00:00:56,284 --> 00:00:57,964 your favorite podcast app, so you never miss 27 00:00:57,964 --> 00:00:59,690 an episode. And if you'd like us to 28 00:00:59,690 --> 00:01:01,929 answer a kinky question that you have, in 29 00:01:01,929 --> 00:01:03,390 a future one of these episodes, 30 00:01:03,929 --> 00:01:06,090 you can send that question to us, through 31 00:01:06,090 --> 00:01:08,890 our contact page that's labeled, literally, ask your 32 00:01:08,890 --> 00:01:09,390 questions 33 00:01:09,770 --> 00:01:12,329 on our website at lovingBDSM.net. 34 00:01:12,329 --> 00:01:14,534 That's lovingBDSM.net, 35 00:01:14,855 --> 00:01:15,975 or you can find the link in the 36 00:01:15,975 --> 00:01:17,275 show notes for this episode. 37 00:01:18,135 --> 00:01:19,594 Okay. Let's get into the question. 38 00:01:20,215 --> 00:01:21,975 I am a newer submissive who's in a 39 00:01:21,975 --> 00:01:24,055 long distance relationship with a daddy dom. We've 40 00:01:24,055 --> 00:01:25,575 met several times to get to know each 41 00:01:25,575 --> 00:01:27,909 other and play. We clicked right away. We 42 00:01:27,909 --> 00:01:30,549 are now talking about moving closer or in 43 00:01:30,549 --> 00:01:32,729 together in the future, but want to negotiate 44 00:01:32,790 --> 00:01:34,950 how our power exchange will look. He has 45 00:01:34,950 --> 00:01:36,790 a 13 year old daughter who we definitely 46 00:01:36,790 --> 00:01:39,030 don't want to know anything about it. We 47 00:01:39,030 --> 00:01:41,604 discussed my current daily tasks previously, and he 48 00:01:41,604 --> 00:01:44,084 gives me regular tasks throughout the day. My 49 00:01:44,084 --> 00:01:46,504 question is, even though we communicate amazingly, 50 00:01:46,884 --> 00:01:48,564 what is the best way to approach our 51 00:01:48,564 --> 00:01:49,864 power exchange negotiations? 52 00:01:50,564 --> 00:01:52,484 Just to note, he has more experience than 53 00:01:52,484 --> 00:01:53,969 I do with this, but and I trust 54 00:01:53,969 --> 00:01:55,489 him, but I want to protect both of 55 00:01:55,489 --> 00:01:58,209 us. What things should be decided before we 56 00:01:58,209 --> 00:02:00,049 take that step to move in? I see 57 00:02:00,049 --> 00:02:02,209 myself as a service sub, so things will 58 00:02:02,209 --> 00:02:04,209 need so so those things will need to 59 00:02:04,209 --> 00:02:05,269 be added in. 60 00:02:07,329 --> 00:02:08,995 Can I sound like an old lady for 61 00:02:08,995 --> 00:02:09,575 a while? 62 00:02:10,594 --> 00:02:12,295 For a minute? Go ahead. 63 00:02:13,395 --> 00:02:15,094 It feels a little early 64 00:02:15,635 --> 00:02:17,094 Yeah. Based on the description. 65 00:02:17,555 --> 00:02:18,694 Yeah. It does. 66 00:02:20,194 --> 00:02:21,814 You know, the closer together, 67 00:02:23,060 --> 00:02:25,300 yeah, the moving in, I think. But but 68 00:02:25,300 --> 00:02:25,800 anyway, 69 00:02:28,020 --> 00:02:29,960 you know, the whole long distance thing. 70 00:02:32,740 --> 00:02:35,400 Long here's what I'm gonna say. Long distance 71 00:02:35,460 --> 00:02:38,155 and moving in, completely different animals. Yeah. So 72 00:02:38,155 --> 00:02:39,694 whatever you're doing long distance, 73 00:02:40,235 --> 00:02:41,995 most of it's not gonna translate to in 74 00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:43,114 person. Most of it, you're gonna have to 75 00:02:43,114 --> 00:02:45,114 toss out the window. Right. And you won't 76 00:02:45,114 --> 00:02:48,715 actually know what's going to truly work for 77 00:02:48,715 --> 00:02:51,275 in person or even just moving being closer 78 00:02:51,275 --> 00:02:52,174 physically together 79 00:02:52,474 --> 00:02:53,849 until you're in that position. 80 00:02:55,610 --> 00:02:56,189 Yeah. We 81 00:02:57,370 --> 00:02:58,670 we thought we were so smart. 82 00:02:59,530 --> 00:03:01,930 Oh, man. Yeah. We're planners from way back. 83 00:03:01,930 --> 00:03:03,069 That we were we were 84 00:03:03,370 --> 00:03:06,590 on top of everything. Mhmm. And and before 85 00:03:07,794 --> 00:03:10,034 we moved in together, we sat down and 86 00:03:10,034 --> 00:03:12,594 we talked about and, you know, hammered out 87 00:03:12,594 --> 00:03:14,674 this whole list of stuff that that's gonna 88 00:03:14,674 --> 00:03:16,594 be part of our DS when we're together. 89 00:03:16,594 --> 00:03:18,914 All the tasks. Mhmm. Mhmm. Yep. And and, 90 00:03:18,914 --> 00:03:21,074 you know, how everything was gonna be relatable 91 00:03:21,074 --> 00:03:22,409 to us and all that. 92 00:03:23,370 --> 00:03:26,010 And it took two, maybe three days, and 93 00:03:26,010 --> 00:03:28,030 all that shit was tossed out the window. 94 00:03:28,250 --> 00:03:30,349 Yes. And then we ended up having, 95 00:03:31,849 --> 00:03:33,949 we ended up having, like, some life stressors 96 00:03:34,010 --> 00:03:35,870 happen right after we moved in together. 97 00:03:36,305 --> 00:03:38,544 In the middle of a Florida summer, the 98 00:03:38,544 --> 00:03:41,205 AC went out in our rented town home. 99 00:03:43,824 --> 00:03:44,645 And so 100 00:03:45,264 --> 00:03:46,865 we had to deal with that. We felt 101 00:03:46,865 --> 00:03:49,104 the overwhelm from thinking we knew what we 102 00:03:49,104 --> 00:03:50,645 were gonna do when we moved 103 00:03:51,269 --> 00:03:52,449 in together. Mhmm. 104 00:03:53,189 --> 00:03:55,829 And it was so overwhelming, we literally put 105 00:03:55,829 --> 00:03:58,229 our power exchange on hold for about two 106 00:03:58,229 --> 00:03:58,729 weeks 107 00:03:59,109 --> 00:04:00,949 to get through the stress that had just 108 00:04:00,949 --> 00:04:03,030 occurred in the apartment, this brand brand new 109 00:04:03,030 --> 00:04:05,189 to us apartment. Because thing thing is this, 110 00:04:05,189 --> 00:04:06,169 we moved in, 111 00:04:06,724 --> 00:04:08,264 meaning we rolled up 112 00:04:08,965 --> 00:04:10,645 and we had a bunch of people there 113 00:04:10,645 --> 00:04:11,544 to help us unload. 114 00:04:11,925 --> 00:04:14,084 Mhmm. And did we got the unloading, went 115 00:04:14,084 --> 00:04:16,404 went very well. Put everything in its all 116 00:04:16,404 --> 00:04:18,425 the boxes in their respective rooms. 117 00:04:19,389 --> 00:04:20,829 Went to bed that night and woke up 118 00:04:20,829 --> 00:04:22,769 to an overheated apartment. Yes. 119 00:04:23,310 --> 00:04:23,810 So 120 00:04:24,669 --> 00:04:27,470 you can plan, and I respect wanting to 121 00:04:27,470 --> 00:04:29,410 try to map things out, have a plan. 122 00:04:29,949 --> 00:04:31,949 For me, having a plan even though even 123 00:04:31,949 --> 00:04:33,649 if I don't follow it is very comforting. 124 00:04:34,269 --> 00:04:34,754 There's nothing 125 00:04:35,714 --> 00:04:37,754 thinking about it, trying to imagine it, but 126 00:04:37,754 --> 00:04:39,914 I think the the biggest thing is understanding 127 00:04:40,274 --> 00:04:42,834 Yeah. That plan might get completely thrown out. 128 00:04:42,834 --> 00:04:44,355 Right. And and you know that that's what 129 00:04:44,355 --> 00:04:46,055 I was just gonna say, you know, 130 00:04:46,514 --> 00:04:47,975 we're not telling you 131 00:04:48,389 --> 00:04:50,649 not to plan. No. Yeah. Okay? 132 00:04:51,589 --> 00:04:54,329 Have a plan. Have some ideas. Sit down, 133 00:04:54,629 --> 00:04:55,769 talk, communicate, 134 00:04:56,550 --> 00:04:57,769 talk about your expectations, 135 00:04:58,389 --> 00:05:00,550 your wants, your desires, and all this, both 136 00:05:00,550 --> 00:05:01,884 of you. K? 137 00:05:02,504 --> 00:05:04,125 And realize that 138 00:05:04,584 --> 00:05:06,024 a good portion of it can go 10 139 00:05:06,024 --> 00:05:07,704 sheets to the wind. Oh, yeah. Once it 140 00:05:07,704 --> 00:05:09,084 hits, you know, 141 00:05:10,985 --> 00:05:13,704 what is that? No bat no plan survives 142 00:05:13,704 --> 00:05:14,204 battle 143 00:05:14,664 --> 00:05:15,164 unscathed? 144 00:05:16,009 --> 00:05:16,509 No 145 00:05:16,889 --> 00:05:19,389 plan survives contact with the enemy. Yeah. 146 00:05:19,769 --> 00:05:20,269 Okay. 147 00:05:20,569 --> 00:05:23,550 So, you know, just be aware Mhmm. That 148 00:05:24,169 --> 00:05:26,569 you can plan this out. You can go 149 00:05:26,569 --> 00:05:28,350 down to the nth degree. 150 00:05:28,889 --> 00:05:29,389 Okay? 151 00:05:29,974 --> 00:05:31,654 And and there's nothing wrong with trying to 152 00:05:31,654 --> 00:05:34,214 do that. But again, be aware that you're 153 00:05:34,214 --> 00:05:36,074 going to have to most likely 154 00:05:36,535 --> 00:05:37,035 be 155 00:05:37,414 --> 00:05:39,175 fluid about this, and that things are not 156 00:05:39,175 --> 00:05:41,414 gonna work out the way. And and I 157 00:05:41,414 --> 00:05:44,235 know for us, even when we first reinstated 158 00:05:45,169 --> 00:05:47,829 our DS, we were doing weekly check ins. 159 00:05:48,290 --> 00:05:51,189 Every Friday night, we'd hop in the car, 160 00:05:51,649 --> 00:05:53,729 and and we would head out for a 161 00:05:53,729 --> 00:05:54,470 cup of coffee, 162 00:05:55,649 --> 00:05:58,209 and we would sit and be like, so 163 00:05:58,209 --> 00:06:00,855 how's this working out for you? We also 164 00:06:00,855 --> 00:06:02,555 the thing we did when we reinstated 165 00:06:03,895 --> 00:06:05,654 was what we had tried to do first 166 00:06:05,654 --> 00:06:09,014 day living together, I had about 10 things 167 00:06:09,014 --> 00:06:10,615 I was supposed to keep up with that 168 00:06:10,615 --> 00:06:11,814 I had never had to do with a 169 00:06:11,814 --> 00:06:12,969 partner living with me before. Mhmm. When we 170 00:06:12,969 --> 00:06:13,025 restarted, we started with, like, one or two 171 00:06:13,025 --> 00:06:13,095 things Right. And gradually added things in. So 172 00:06:13,175 --> 00:06:13,675 Mhmm. 173 00:06:17,300 --> 00:06:19,620 Or two things Right. And gradually added things 174 00:06:19,620 --> 00:06:20,120 in. 175 00:06:20,500 --> 00:06:22,500 So you did not ask how to move 176 00:06:22,500 --> 00:06:24,259 in together, so I don't want to go 177 00:06:24,259 --> 00:06:26,839 too far down that rabbit hole, but that's 178 00:06:27,060 --> 00:06:28,279 that's our reality. 179 00:06:28,819 --> 00:06:30,900 Mhmm. And we have talked to many other, 180 00:06:32,394 --> 00:06:34,394 people in relationships who went from long distance 181 00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:37,435 to either close together or living in person, 182 00:06:37,435 --> 00:06:40,314 and they found something like that to be 183 00:06:40,314 --> 00:06:41,935 very true for them as well. 184 00:06:42,394 --> 00:06:44,394 Because what you're doing when you plan before 185 00:06:44,394 --> 00:06:46,094 you've gotten there is you're imagining 186 00:06:46,789 --> 00:06:48,389 what you think it will be like, and 187 00:06:48,389 --> 00:06:50,569 we all know, we're all adults here, life 188 00:06:50,629 --> 00:06:52,629 loves a good curveball. Oh, yeah. And the 189 00:06:52,629 --> 00:06:54,789 things you can't even imagine, you couldn't have 190 00:06:54,789 --> 00:06:57,269 planned for, are going to happen when you 191 00:06:57,269 --> 00:07:00,229 least expect it. Now what I will say 192 00:07:00,229 --> 00:07:01,050 for the 193 00:07:01,925 --> 00:07:03,764 the dreaming of what might happen in the 194 00:07:03,764 --> 00:07:05,845 future, the planning for if and when it 195 00:07:05,845 --> 00:07:06,345 does, 196 00:07:07,204 --> 00:07:09,285 the big thing I would say is each 197 00:07:09,285 --> 00:07:10,584 of you needs to have 198 00:07:10,964 --> 00:07:12,584 your own individual 199 00:07:12,884 --> 00:07:14,985 idea of what that would look like 200 00:07:15,444 --> 00:07:18,250 and then come together to figure out the 201 00:07:18,250 --> 00:07:20,970 Venn diagram of that. Right? Like, what do 202 00:07:20,970 --> 00:07:23,529 you imagine being a service sub to to 203 00:07:23,529 --> 00:07:25,210 this partner to be like? What are the 204 00:07:25,210 --> 00:07:26,889 things you would like to be able to 205 00:07:26,889 --> 00:07:28,250 do for them? What are the things that 206 00:07:28,250 --> 00:07:30,164 you're currently doing long distance that you'd like 207 00:07:30,164 --> 00:07:32,664 to somehow maintain, just in a different way? 208 00:07:32,805 --> 00:07:34,964 What is it that your daddy dom wants 209 00:07:34,964 --> 00:07:37,704 from a submissive living with them? And, yes, 210 00:07:38,164 --> 00:07:39,784 absolutely, how do we 211 00:07:40,245 --> 00:07:40,985 do this 212 00:07:41,410 --> 00:07:43,490 with a child who we don't want them 213 00:07:43,490 --> 00:07:46,370 to know anything's going on? Now the thing 214 00:07:46,370 --> 00:07:47,829 to know about that, and 215 00:07:48,129 --> 00:07:49,730 you can kind of plan it now, but 216 00:07:49,730 --> 00:07:50,230 it's 217 00:07:50,610 --> 00:07:52,850 it's gonna make more sense to live it 218 00:07:52,850 --> 00:07:54,545 a little bit and figure it out. But 219 00:07:54,545 --> 00:07:56,785 the thing about being power exchange and not 220 00:07:56,785 --> 00:07:58,645 having kids clock it 221 00:07:59,264 --> 00:08:01,504 or not doing anything so overtly, air quote, 222 00:08:01,504 --> 00:08:03,285 kinky Mhmm. That it's noticeable 223 00:08:03,905 --> 00:08:05,444 is to do very subtle 224 00:08:06,029 --> 00:08:07,790 power exchange. And when I say subtle, it 225 00:08:07,790 --> 00:08:10,270 means the meaning is there to you of 226 00:08:10,270 --> 00:08:12,770 what it means, but what you're physically doing 227 00:08:13,069 --> 00:08:15,470 looks like normal, air quote, normal vanilla behavior. 228 00:08:15,710 --> 00:08:17,569 You know, you could negotiate it that, 229 00:08:18,430 --> 00:08:19,410 serve you know, 230 00:08:20,084 --> 00:08:21,464 making your partner's 231 00:08:22,004 --> 00:08:24,245 plate. For a meal. I'm sorry. Meal and 232 00:08:24,245 --> 00:08:26,185 and serving it to them, getting their drink, 233 00:08:26,245 --> 00:08:28,245 you know, anything like I'm making a coffee, 234 00:08:28,245 --> 00:08:30,485 do you know, any dessert, anything like that. 235 00:08:30,485 --> 00:08:33,144 Having their lunch prepared for them. Right. Having, 236 00:08:33,445 --> 00:08:35,559 if and I'm I'm picking things that are 237 00:08:35,559 --> 00:08:37,720 very domestic. Yeah. It's not always gonna be 238 00:08:37,720 --> 00:08:40,120 true if, like, you're also working Mhmm. You 239 00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:42,440 know, your own job or whatever. It it 240 00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:44,120 sounds mundane, but we have a lot of 241 00:08:44,120 --> 00:08:46,540 that stuff incorporated into our our power 242 00:08:48,355 --> 00:08:50,514 exchange does not look like power exchange from 243 00:08:50,514 --> 00:08:51,254 the outside. 244 00:08:51,715 --> 00:08:53,715 The kinkiest thing we do is our bedtime 245 00:08:53,715 --> 00:08:56,375 routine because that is behind closed doors. Right. 246 00:08:56,434 --> 00:08:57,575 And we 247 00:08:58,355 --> 00:09:00,274 when the our the kids were young, they 248 00:09:00,274 --> 00:09:02,909 were very sound sleepers. Nothing woke them up. 249 00:09:03,149 --> 00:09:05,709 As they got older That started to shift. 250 00:09:05,709 --> 00:09:08,029 That shifted, but, like, the home we're in 251 00:09:08,029 --> 00:09:10,429 now, they're completely across the building from us, 252 00:09:10,429 --> 00:09:12,190 and one's not even here anymore. One one's 253 00:09:12,190 --> 00:09:13,549 in a whole different city now. But, I 254 00:09:13,549 --> 00:09:15,629 mean, when they were both living here, they 255 00:09:15,629 --> 00:09:17,934 were completely across the house and they are 256 00:09:17,934 --> 00:09:21,075 teenagers and this teenager might be similar, 257 00:09:21,774 --> 00:09:23,375 once they're in their own little world of 258 00:09:23,375 --> 00:09:24,894 their room of doing their thing, they do 259 00:09:24,894 --> 00:09:26,815 not care what you're doing. So behind closed 260 00:09:26,815 --> 00:09:28,674 doors, you can do a lot more. 261 00:09:29,615 --> 00:09:30,115 But 262 00:09:30,769 --> 00:09:33,110 for example, some of what I do 263 00:09:33,490 --> 00:09:36,050 that is meaningful to us but does not 264 00:09:36,050 --> 00:09:38,070 look like anything. I always make JB's, 265 00:09:38,690 --> 00:09:40,950 iced coffee. He makes his own morning coffee. 266 00:09:41,009 --> 00:09:42,610 I get the coffee pot ready for him, 267 00:09:42,610 --> 00:09:43,809 so all he has to do is push 268 00:09:43,809 --> 00:09:45,910 a button. But I make his his 269 00:09:46,274 --> 00:09:46,774 more 270 00:09:47,235 --> 00:09:47,735 post 271 00:09:48,355 --> 00:09:49,334 coffee coffee. 272 00:09:49,714 --> 00:09:51,235 He drinks a hot cup of coffee when 273 00:09:51,235 --> 00:09:53,574 he first wakes up. He drinks iced coffee 274 00:09:53,794 --> 00:09:56,115 next. I make that every time. You make 275 00:09:56,115 --> 00:09:56,674 it happen. 276 00:09:57,315 --> 00:09:58,995 And that's that's one of my jobs. And 277 00:09:58,995 --> 00:10:00,914 a fine job you do, girl. When we 278 00:10:00,914 --> 00:10:01,414 are 279 00:10:01,750 --> 00:10:04,629 in places where there's serving up of food, 280 00:10:04,629 --> 00:10:05,129 maybe, 281 00:10:05,830 --> 00:10:06,330 family, 282 00:10:07,269 --> 00:10:09,050 meals together, holiday meals, 283 00:10:09,750 --> 00:10:11,529 buffet style meals with with 284 00:10:11,910 --> 00:10:14,070 people we know, not you know, I will 285 00:10:14,070 --> 00:10:15,684 make up a plate for him and put 286 00:10:15,684 --> 00:10:17,764 it down for him. I have the luxury 287 00:10:17,764 --> 00:10:19,444 of being Southern and that is kind of 288 00:10:19,444 --> 00:10:20,985 expected of Southern women. 289 00:10:21,524 --> 00:10:24,245 So my family doesn't think there's anything wrong 290 00:10:24,245 --> 00:10:26,164 with that. Right? They don't even notice it. 291 00:10:26,164 --> 00:10:26,985 Preak disguise. 292 00:10:27,700 --> 00:10:28,200 Absolutely. 293 00:10:29,299 --> 00:10:31,860 For things that aren't, like, that domestic, if 294 00:10:31,860 --> 00:10:34,339 that's not a thing that will impact y'all's 295 00:10:34,339 --> 00:10:35,559 relationship very much, 296 00:10:36,500 --> 00:10:38,500 JB opens my car door for me. Mhmm. 297 00:10:38,500 --> 00:10:40,120 Yes. That looks very chivalrous 298 00:10:40,754 --> 00:10:43,075 and polite from the outside looking in, but 299 00:10:43,075 --> 00:10:45,555 that's a power thing. Mhmm. I don't leave 300 00:10:45,555 --> 00:10:47,715 the car until he wills it to be 301 00:10:47,715 --> 00:10:50,455 so. Right. He holds doors open for me. 302 00:10:50,675 --> 00:10:52,215 Yes. That looks very 303 00:10:52,809 --> 00:10:55,370 respectful and sweet and chivalrous, but, also, he 304 00:10:55,370 --> 00:10:55,870 controls 305 00:10:56,409 --> 00:10:57,389 where I am. 306 00:10:57,850 --> 00:11:00,329 I walk on a specific side of him 307 00:11:00,329 --> 00:11:03,129 when we're walking out somewhere. Mhmm. The one 308 00:11:03,129 --> 00:11:05,264 time got your hair pulled in parking lot 309 00:11:05,264 --> 00:11:06,865 one time for not being on the correct 310 00:11:06,865 --> 00:11:08,465 side. I might have been a little sassy 311 00:11:08,465 --> 00:11:09,904 about it. I I might have been pushing 312 00:11:09,904 --> 00:11:10,805 buttons there. 313 00:11:11,585 --> 00:11:14,144 If we go out to eat, I we 314 00:11:14,144 --> 00:11:15,825 have not done it as much recently, but 315 00:11:15,825 --> 00:11:17,745 we're in in flux with some of our 316 00:11:17,745 --> 00:11:19,199 power changer. We're negotiating 317 00:11:19,500 --> 00:11:20,699 things. When we go out to eat, if 318 00:11:20,699 --> 00:11:21,600 it's a breakfast, 319 00:11:21,980 --> 00:11:23,659 I I get his coffee ready. He orders 320 00:11:23,659 --> 00:11:25,740 a hot coffee. The server is always very 321 00:11:25,740 --> 00:11:27,500 confused. I might grab it and start putting 322 00:11:27,500 --> 00:11:29,519 cream in it. But if we're 323 00:11:29,980 --> 00:11:30,480 having 324 00:11:30,884 --> 00:11:33,285 diet Coke or water, I'll put his straw 325 00:11:33,445 --> 00:11:36,004 Yes. In his cup for him. Right? It's 326 00:11:36,004 --> 00:11:39,365 these small things that nobody is gonna think 327 00:11:39,365 --> 00:11:41,365 twice about. The coffee thing does throw some 328 00:11:41,365 --> 00:11:43,684 servers off. Oh, yeah. But not they don't 329 00:11:43,684 --> 00:11:45,705 really care. They're too busy. Right? Right. 330 00:11:47,029 --> 00:11:48,870 But they have meaning for us. Now I'm 331 00:11:48,870 --> 00:11:50,570 not saying you need to do those things, 332 00:11:50,629 --> 00:11:52,950 but those are the kinds of things, especially 333 00:11:53,190 --> 00:11:54,570 this works out really well 334 00:11:55,110 --> 00:11:57,190 seeing as you are a service submissive because 335 00:11:57,190 --> 00:11:59,045 there's a lot of of service you can 336 00:11:59,045 --> 00:12:01,205 do that can look very domestic or just 337 00:12:01,205 --> 00:12:02,105 look very helpful. 338 00:12:03,845 --> 00:12:06,325 When we the only time we were ever 339 00:12:06,325 --> 00:12:09,465 asked, the kids were younger than 13. Okay? 340 00:12:09,764 --> 00:12:12,085 And one of them said, why why do 341 00:12:12,085 --> 00:12:13,889 you do this stuff for mister John? Because 342 00:12:13,889 --> 00:12:15,730 that's what they call him, mister John. I'm 343 00:12:15,730 --> 00:12:18,370 like, because it makes him happy and because 344 00:12:18,370 --> 00:12:20,049 I want to. Or and sometimes I'll say 345 00:12:20,049 --> 00:12:21,909 because it makes me happy to do it. 346 00:12:22,049 --> 00:12:24,049 So there's no, oh, no. And now I 347 00:12:24,049 --> 00:12:26,085 have to explain power exchange to the kids. 348 00:12:26,165 --> 00:12:26,665 No. 349 00:12:27,045 --> 00:12:29,524 They just noticed me doing a little bit 350 00:12:29,524 --> 00:12:30,745 extra for him 351 00:12:31,045 --> 00:12:32,884 that they had never seen me do for 352 00:12:32,884 --> 00:12:35,785 their biological father. They were curious. 353 00:12:38,004 --> 00:12:38,700 And so 354 00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:41,259 what we do with having kids is and 355 00:12:41,259 --> 00:12:43,580 we did not know to plan this at 356 00:12:43,580 --> 00:12:46,059 the time when we were working on, well, 357 00:12:46,059 --> 00:12:47,740 how do we want our relationship to look 358 00:12:47,740 --> 00:12:48,879 after long distance. 359 00:12:50,139 --> 00:12:52,715 But the kinky stuff is behind closed doors. 360 00:12:52,715 --> 00:12:54,095 It's at the end of the day. 361 00:12:54,715 --> 00:12:57,055 It's mildly kinky because we're old and tired. 362 00:12:57,754 --> 00:12:59,535 He gives me permission to go to bed. 363 00:12:59,675 --> 00:13:01,434 I bend over the bed and I might 364 00:13:01,434 --> 00:13:03,149 get a butt rub. I might get my 365 00:13:03,149 --> 00:13:05,550 my butt spanked. Now leading up odds be 366 00:13:05,550 --> 00:13:07,710 ever in my favor. Right. Now now leading 367 00:13:07,710 --> 00:13:08,450 up to that, 368 00:13:09,309 --> 00:13:09,809 she 369 00:13:10,910 --> 00:13:13,070 pulls the bed and prepares it. I do. 370 00:13:13,070 --> 00:13:14,269 I pull down the sheets. I get the 371 00:13:14,269 --> 00:13:16,190 pillows ready. And I I read in bed 372 00:13:16,190 --> 00:13:17,470 at night before I go to sleep, so 373 00:13:17,470 --> 00:13:17,970 she 374 00:13:19,304 --> 00:13:21,465 sets my pillows. So they're all where I 375 00:13:21,465 --> 00:13:23,225 want them to sit and read in bed. 376 00:13:23,225 --> 00:13:25,625 So what those negotiations look like and this 377 00:13:25,625 --> 00:13:27,705 is true for anybody who's just going into 378 00:13:27,705 --> 00:13:29,625 power exchange and trying to keep it subtle, 379 00:13:29,625 --> 00:13:31,785 trying to keep it, like, nobody really clocks 380 00:13:31,785 --> 00:13:34,365 it. Mhmm. Or you're moving in together. Right? 381 00:13:34,960 --> 00:13:35,519 The it's 382 00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:37,759 when it can be about service, to me, 383 00:13:37,759 --> 00:13:40,080 that's the the easiest thing because it's then 384 00:13:40,080 --> 00:13:43,200 the conversation is from sub to dom. What 385 00:13:43,200 --> 00:13:44,879 can I do for you that will make 386 00:13:44,879 --> 00:13:47,440 you happy, that helps you, that will make 387 00:13:47,440 --> 00:13:49,120 you feel more in charge, that allows me 388 00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:49,779 to feel, 389 00:13:50,084 --> 00:13:52,745 like, in you know, whatever your submissive headspace 390 00:13:52,804 --> 00:13:54,725 feels like? What are those things? And then 391 00:13:54,725 --> 00:13:55,464 the negotiation 392 00:13:55,924 --> 00:13:56,664 part is, 393 00:13:57,044 --> 00:13:58,644 what are you willing and able to do, 394 00:13:58,644 --> 00:14:00,904 and what are you not willing or unable 395 00:14:00,964 --> 00:14:02,564 to do? And you do get to say 396 00:14:02,564 --> 00:14:04,339 no to those things. You just have to 397 00:14:04,339 --> 00:14:05,159 find the balance. 398 00:14:05,940 --> 00:14:08,100 There's nothing wrong, like we said at the 399 00:14:08,100 --> 00:14:10,179 top, of planning what you think this will 400 00:14:10,179 --> 00:14:12,019 look like. I think there's nothing wrong with 401 00:14:12,019 --> 00:14:12,519 having 402 00:14:13,220 --> 00:14:14,200 lists or, 403 00:14:15,139 --> 00:14:18,884 ideas or daydreams about what best case scenario 404 00:14:19,504 --> 00:14:20,804 might look like. 405 00:14:21,584 --> 00:14:22,084 But 406 00:14:22,704 --> 00:14:26,225 the realistic part is, one, start slower than 407 00:14:26,225 --> 00:14:27,605 you think you should. So 408 00:14:28,799 --> 00:14:29,940 Lola agrees. 409 00:14:30,879 --> 00:14:33,360 You might have 10 things. Will that first 410 00:14:33,360 --> 00:14:34,879 little bit when you first move in start 411 00:14:34,879 --> 00:14:36,100 with one or two, right? 412 00:14:37,120 --> 00:14:38,960 You might have best case scenario and then 413 00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:40,639 life throws you a curve ball. And it 414 00:14:40,639 --> 00:14:41,054 might 415 00:14:42,575 --> 00:14:43,634 Lola agrees. 416 00:14:44,654 --> 00:14:47,054 It might be a while before you can 417 00:14:47,054 --> 00:14:48,894 get to your best case scenario. You might 418 00:14:48,894 --> 00:14:50,414 never get there. There are some things that 419 00:14:50,414 --> 00:14:51,075 on paper 420 00:14:51,855 --> 00:14:52,914 sound great, 421 00:14:53,375 --> 00:14:55,235 and then you start doing them. 422 00:14:56,139 --> 00:14:58,220 Yeah. And you're like, I hate this. This 423 00:14:58,220 --> 00:14:59,820 does not work. And and I think that's 424 00:14:59,820 --> 00:15:02,779 the most important thing. Mhmm. When, you know, 425 00:15:02,779 --> 00:15:04,000 when when you are 426 00:15:04,379 --> 00:15:06,399 someone who is in a long distance relationship 427 00:15:08,139 --> 00:15:09,945 Oh. That was close, I know. 428 00:15:10,904 --> 00:15:12,365 Laura walked under the tripod. 429 00:15:14,105 --> 00:15:14,764 You know, 430 00:15:15,304 --> 00:15:17,085 when when you're coming together 431 00:15:17,785 --> 00:15:19,485 from from a a distant 432 00:15:19,785 --> 00:15:20,285 relationship, 433 00:15:21,304 --> 00:15:22,365 and you start 434 00:15:22,870 --> 00:15:25,189 putting together your power exchange, you have to 435 00:15:25,189 --> 00:15:28,230 be fluid. Because what sounds really great on 436 00:15:28,230 --> 00:15:31,189 paper right now Mhmm. Okay. Once you put 437 00:15:31,189 --> 00:15:32,089 it into practice, 438 00:15:32,870 --> 00:15:34,949 well, we need to tweak a few things 439 00:15:34,949 --> 00:15:36,709 here. This is not what I expected. I 440 00:15:36,709 --> 00:15:38,804 can't do this all the time. You know, 441 00:15:38,804 --> 00:15:40,745 you have to be fluid. You have to 442 00:15:40,965 --> 00:15:41,865 be able to 443 00:15:42,245 --> 00:15:44,804 work and compromise and get to where you 444 00:15:44,804 --> 00:15:47,625 want to be. It just doesn't happen. Flexibility 445 00:15:47,845 --> 00:15:48,904 is the key here. 446 00:15:49,524 --> 00:15:52,210 You can, for the planning purposes now, talk 447 00:15:52,210 --> 00:15:54,370 about what your day typically looks like. So 448 00:15:54,370 --> 00:15:56,710 if you're long distance, who's moving to whom? 449 00:15:56,929 --> 00:15:59,170 Mhmm. If you're both working, whose job is 450 00:15:59,170 --> 00:16:01,970 changing? Is anybody's job changing? If your jobs 451 00:16:01,970 --> 00:16:03,889 aren't changing, how do you work? Do you 452 00:16:03,889 --> 00:16:05,429 both leave the home? 453 00:16:05,970 --> 00:16:08,815 Do either of you work from home? What 454 00:16:08,815 --> 00:16:09,875 will that look like? 455 00:16:10,495 --> 00:16:12,495 When moving in together, are there pets that 456 00:16:12,495 --> 00:16:13,795 need to be taken care of? 457 00:16:14,575 --> 00:16:17,375 Are there other obligations? Does anybody take care 458 00:16:17,375 --> 00:16:18,995 of a parent? Does anybody, 459 00:16:19,455 --> 00:16:20,514 you know, volunteered? 460 00:16:20,894 --> 00:16:23,230 Like, what does the whole part of your 461 00:16:23,230 --> 00:16:25,250 life look like, and how do you imagine 462 00:16:25,790 --> 00:16:27,629 meshing that together? Mhmm. 463 00:16:28,350 --> 00:16:30,350 That for some of us, I'm a person 464 00:16:30,350 --> 00:16:31,790 who when I'm in the mood to plan, 465 00:16:31,790 --> 00:16:34,029 I fucking love this shit. Some of us, 466 00:16:34,029 --> 00:16:36,154 this makes our eyes glaze over and we 467 00:16:36,154 --> 00:16:38,235 hate every second of this. So you have 468 00:16:38,235 --> 00:16:41,115 to know yourself and how much in-depth you're 469 00:16:41,115 --> 00:16:42,794 gonna go with this planning. But it is 470 00:16:42,794 --> 00:16:45,195 a we're gonna take our two individual lives 471 00:16:45,195 --> 00:16:46,014 where we have, 472 00:16:46,715 --> 00:16:49,750 prior to this, temporarily come together in basically 473 00:16:49,809 --> 00:16:52,610 vacation mode because the rest of your, air 474 00:16:52,610 --> 00:16:55,570 quote, real life typically takes a break when 475 00:16:55,570 --> 00:16:57,889 long distance couples get together Right. For their 476 00:16:57,889 --> 00:16:58,789 fuckery. Right? 477 00:16:59,889 --> 00:17:02,209 This is okay. We're not gonna have anywhere 478 00:17:02,209 --> 00:17:04,394 near as much fuckery at some point, maybe 479 00:17:04,394 --> 00:17:05,994 you will in the beginning, as we did 480 00:17:05,994 --> 00:17:08,654 during long distance. And now it's the mundane 481 00:17:08,714 --> 00:17:10,154 parts of life. It's the parts of life 482 00:17:10,154 --> 00:17:12,234 that you might have maybe you talked about 483 00:17:12,234 --> 00:17:14,955 before, but maybe you didn't. Do either of 484 00:17:14,955 --> 00:17:15,615 you have 485 00:17:16,394 --> 00:17:17,609 bathroom habits 486 00:17:18,490 --> 00:17:21,609 or routines that maybe other partners have clocked 487 00:17:21,609 --> 00:17:22,269 as being 488 00:17:22,890 --> 00:17:24,890 not typical? That might be a thing to 489 00:17:24,890 --> 00:17:27,210 talk about. Do either of you have pet 490 00:17:27,210 --> 00:17:28,109 peeves that 491 00:17:28,410 --> 00:17:30,890 when you've lived with people previously have driven 492 00:17:30,890 --> 00:17:33,184 you fucking crazy. These are great things to 493 00:17:33,184 --> 00:17:35,045 talk about. It is entirely possible 494 00:17:35,345 --> 00:17:37,105 that your pet peeves are not things that 495 00:17:37,105 --> 00:17:40,065 they do. It's entirely possible that their pet 496 00:17:40,065 --> 00:17:42,065 peeves are things, you know, that you're willing 497 00:17:42,065 --> 00:17:43,045 to adjust on. 498 00:17:43,505 --> 00:17:45,505 But these are the things you can't actually 499 00:17:45,505 --> 00:17:47,640 know until you're living together. But if you 500 00:17:47,640 --> 00:17:48,619 love to plan, 501 00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:51,080 it's those kinds of things that I would 502 00:17:51,080 --> 00:17:53,480 recommend talking about way more than what are 503 00:17:53,480 --> 00:17:55,799 the rules gonna be. What is submission gonna 504 00:17:55,799 --> 00:17:56,539 look like? 505 00:17:58,279 --> 00:18:00,440 Because all of those mundane parts of your 506 00:18:00,440 --> 00:18:02,680 life are going to impact when and how 507 00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:05,055 you get kinky, when and how you're, you 508 00:18:05,055 --> 00:18:07,055 know, in your dom self, when and how 509 00:18:07,055 --> 00:18:09,615 you're in your subhead space. Like, all of 510 00:18:09,615 --> 00:18:10,515 that impacts 511 00:18:10,894 --> 00:18:11,954 the power exchange. 512 00:18:12,335 --> 00:18:14,815 So every part of your air quote real 513 00:18:14,815 --> 00:18:16,195 life has to 514 00:18:17,349 --> 00:18:18,710 be able to work with the power exchange. 515 00:18:18,710 --> 00:18:19,829 The power exchange has to be able to 516 00:18:19,829 --> 00:18:21,029 work with it, which means there's a lot 517 00:18:21,029 --> 00:18:21,690 of adjustments. 518 00:18:21,990 --> 00:18:23,509 And that means there's a lot that you 519 00:18:23,509 --> 00:18:25,190 cannot plan for. How many times have we 520 00:18:25,190 --> 00:18:26,630 said that there's a lot you cannot plan 521 00:18:26,630 --> 00:18:28,470 for? That is a thing that I would 522 00:18:28,470 --> 00:18:30,554 take away from this more than anything. Plan 523 00:18:30,554 --> 00:18:32,315 if it makes you, you know, feel more 524 00:18:32,315 --> 00:18:34,154 comfortable. If it's just fun to do, it's 525 00:18:34,154 --> 00:18:35,615 nice to talk about the future, 526 00:18:36,234 --> 00:18:38,554 but stay flexible Yep. Because it's the only 527 00:18:38,554 --> 00:18:40,734 way that you're gonna make it work. Now 528 00:18:40,794 --> 00:18:42,414 as a shameless plug, 529 00:18:42,970 --> 00:18:44,490 we do have a workbook on our Etsy 530 00:18:44,490 --> 00:18:46,589 shop, I'll link it in the places, about 531 00:18:46,889 --> 00:18:49,690 long distance relationships. The majority of it is 532 00:18:49,690 --> 00:18:52,349 making the long distance relationship work 533 00:18:52,809 --> 00:18:54,190 while you're long distance. 534 00:18:54,664 --> 00:18:56,184 And it's not the what do we do, 535 00:18:56,184 --> 00:18:57,704 it's the how do we do it. But 536 00:18:57,704 --> 00:18:59,085 there are sections about, 537 00:18:59,625 --> 00:19:01,464 when you're there's there's a section, I think, 538 00:19:01,464 --> 00:19:02,904 at the end when you're ready to start 539 00:19:02,904 --> 00:19:05,544 that process of moving closer together, moving in 540 00:19:05,544 --> 00:19:07,784 together, and things to think about. The other 541 00:19:07,784 --> 00:19:10,279 thing that I would say to consider doing, 542 00:19:10,340 --> 00:19:11,640 again, shameless plugs, 543 00:19:12,100 --> 00:19:12,920 we have, 544 00:19:14,900 --> 00:19:17,460 thirty days of DS volume one is really 545 00:19:17,460 --> 00:19:19,940 more for beginners of what does dominance mean 546 00:19:19,940 --> 00:19:21,539 to me? What does submission mean to me? 547 00:19:21,539 --> 00:19:24,600 But thirty days of DS volume two? 548 00:19:25,154 --> 00:19:25,654 That's 549 00:19:26,595 --> 00:19:28,035 the, oh, we're in a power exchange. What 550 00:19:28,035 --> 00:19:29,715 happens when one of us gets angry at 551 00:19:29,715 --> 00:19:31,634 the other? What happens when one of us 552 00:19:31,634 --> 00:19:33,174 is sick? What happens when 553 00:19:33,715 --> 00:19:35,235 we're not in the mood for sex? What 554 00:19:35,634 --> 00:19:38,215 those kinds of things. There's more air quote 555 00:19:38,595 --> 00:19:40,589 and big air quote here, real life kinds 556 00:19:40,589 --> 00:19:41,329 of situations. 557 00:19:41,789 --> 00:19:44,349 That might be something to to consider doing 558 00:19:44,349 --> 00:19:46,529 together as well. Thirty days of DS 559 00:19:46,910 --> 00:19:48,269 volumes one and two are 560 00:19:48,990 --> 00:19:50,670 you can either do them as journal prompts 561 00:19:50,670 --> 00:19:52,815 where you just think about the answers to 562 00:19:52,815 --> 00:19:53,794 yourself privately, 563 00:19:54,335 --> 00:19:56,815 or they can be conversation starters in relationships. 564 00:19:56,815 --> 00:19:58,335 So it's like, hey. Let's take this one 565 00:19:58,335 --> 00:20:00,734 topic this on this one conversation, keep it 566 00:20:00,734 --> 00:20:01,234 narrow. 567 00:20:02,014 --> 00:20:03,534 How does this work for you? How does 568 00:20:03,534 --> 00:20:05,214 this work for me? How do we imagine 569 00:20:05,214 --> 00:20:05,954 this working 570 00:20:06,255 --> 00:20:07,934 when it happens to us? Because it's not 571 00:20:07,934 --> 00:20:08,190 an 572 00:20:08,829 --> 00:20:10,509 if. It is 99% of the time a 573 00:20:10,509 --> 00:20:12,909 when. So that could be another thing that 574 00:20:12,909 --> 00:20:14,210 aids in the planning 575 00:20:14,589 --> 00:20:15,089 portion. 576 00:20:16,750 --> 00:20:17,250 But 577 00:20:18,109 --> 00:20:20,204 be the broken record here. No matter how 578 00:20:20,204 --> 00:20:21,804 how much you plan, no matter how many 579 00:20:21,804 --> 00:20:24,704 conversations you have, no matter what you envision, 580 00:20:25,804 --> 00:20:27,804 you will likely have to be very flexible 581 00:20:28,044 --> 00:20:30,304 Yeah. In what you decide to do. And 582 00:20:30,605 --> 00:20:32,284 the best thing we did was to put 583 00:20:32,284 --> 00:20:34,284 a complete halt to the power exchange for 584 00:20:34,284 --> 00:20:36,410 a couple weeks. And it gave us it 585 00:20:36,410 --> 00:20:38,170 gave us time to fully move in. It 586 00:20:38,170 --> 00:20:39,609 gave us time to breathe. It gave us 587 00:20:39,609 --> 00:20:41,769 time to get the AC fixed. Right. And 588 00:20:41,769 --> 00:20:43,609 by the time we came back to it, 589 00:20:43,609 --> 00:20:46,089 I felt settled because I was moving in 590 00:20:46,089 --> 00:20:48,490 with JB. I felt settled with where we 591 00:20:48,490 --> 00:20:51,384 lived. Mhmm. And then I could focus on 592 00:20:51,444 --> 00:20:53,525 what do we do now. Right. And and, 593 00:20:53,525 --> 00:20:54,505 you know, it's funny, 594 00:20:54,884 --> 00:20:56,964 you know, what whatever it is that you 595 00:20:56,964 --> 00:20:57,464 decide, 596 00:20:57,924 --> 00:20:58,424 originally, 597 00:20:59,045 --> 00:21:01,224 we had talked about me 598 00:21:01,605 --> 00:21:03,930 moving to where she lived. Yes. That was 599 00:21:03,930 --> 00:21:06,410 the original plan. And and I had even 600 00:21:06,410 --> 00:21:07,630 started interviewing 601 00:21:07,930 --> 00:21:10,569 You had so many interviews. Yeah. Mhmm. And 602 00:21:10,569 --> 00:21:11,950 and I could not get 603 00:21:12,730 --> 00:21:14,490 and that's when we decided to go the 604 00:21:14,490 --> 00:21:15,769 other way. That was the first shift in 605 00:21:15,769 --> 00:21:16,670 the plan. Yeah. 606 00:21:17,049 --> 00:21:18,815 We spent two or three months 607 00:21:19,115 --> 00:21:21,214 where, yeah, you tried and tried and tried, 608 00:21:21,434 --> 00:21:22,794 and you were not getting a job. I 609 00:21:22,794 --> 00:21:24,875 would I would get the interviews. Yes. They'd 610 00:21:24,875 --> 00:21:26,954 be good interviews. Yeah. Nothing would come of 611 00:21:26,954 --> 00:21:29,054 it. Mhmm. So we shifted 612 00:21:29,355 --> 00:21:31,674 because, yeah, we could keep trying for another 613 00:21:31,674 --> 00:21:33,809 six months to a year. I think eventually 614 00:21:33,869 --> 00:21:35,549 you probably would have found a job, but 615 00:21:35,549 --> 00:21:36,769 we didn't wanna do that. 616 00:21:37,149 --> 00:21:38,829 And quite frankly, the one of the other 617 00:21:38,829 --> 00:21:40,909 big shifts, I had been working in an 618 00:21:40,909 --> 00:21:43,149 office, you know, had just, like, a whatever 619 00:21:43,149 --> 00:21:45,630 whatever job. And when we made the decision 620 00:21:45,630 --> 00:21:47,569 I would move, it was with the understanding 621 00:21:47,684 --> 00:21:49,384 that for a while, JB's 622 00:21:49,684 --> 00:21:51,924 income would pay all of the bills, including 623 00:21:51,924 --> 00:21:52,664 for two children, 624 00:21:53,285 --> 00:21:54,825 and that he would support me, 625 00:21:56,644 --> 00:21:58,265 emotionally and, you know, 626 00:21:58,965 --> 00:22:01,525 all that, but also, like, financially support me 627 00:22:01,525 --> 00:22:03,690 while I built a freelance business. So can 628 00:22:03,690 --> 00:22:05,690 you imagine the overwhelm? I have picked my 629 00:22:05,690 --> 00:22:07,450 two children up to live in a completely 630 00:22:07,450 --> 00:22:09,450 different city. I've quit my stable job that 631 00:22:09,450 --> 00:22:10,750 paid for health insurance, 632 00:22:11,210 --> 00:22:13,609 and now I'm starting a freelance business and 633 00:22:13,609 --> 00:22:15,630 I have no money to call my own. 634 00:22:15,929 --> 00:22:18,274 Can you imagine why maybe I was 635 00:22:18,654 --> 00:22:19,154 overwhelmed? 636 00:22:19,534 --> 00:22:21,934 So Right. That would be another thing that 637 00:22:21,934 --> 00:22:23,714 you need to think about. Whose life 638 00:22:24,335 --> 00:22:26,575 is having to alter the most for this 639 00:22:26,575 --> 00:22:28,414 move? Mhmm. And what kind of time are 640 00:22:28,414 --> 00:22:30,150 you gonna give for that adjustment period as 641 00:22:30,150 --> 00:22:32,390 well, and what are those changes probably going 642 00:22:32,390 --> 00:22:35,029 to be? Mhmm. So it's a very boring 643 00:22:35,029 --> 00:22:37,430 answer of you could plan, but it's probably 644 00:22:37,430 --> 00:22:38,890 not gonna go that way. 645 00:22:39,590 --> 00:22:41,590 But I get why there's that urge to 646 00:22:41,590 --> 00:22:43,205 try and plan too. And and, you know, 647 00:22:43,205 --> 00:22:45,045 yeah. Go ahead and plan, but just realize 648 00:22:45,045 --> 00:22:46,965 that you're gonna have to adjust the plan 649 00:22:46,965 --> 00:22:49,865 on the fly. Very well possible. Yes. You're 650 00:22:50,325 --> 00:22:51,865 gonna write the plan, 651 00:22:52,884 --> 00:22:53,865 start the plan, 652 00:22:54,340 --> 00:22:55,960 execute the plan, throw the plan out, 653 00:22:56,980 --> 00:22:58,600 and then replay it. Something different. 654 00:22:59,940 --> 00:23:02,019 So, yeah, it's not it's not the most 655 00:23:02,019 --> 00:23:04,740 satisfying answer, but from our perspective and from 656 00:23:04,740 --> 00:23:06,039 conversations with other 657 00:23:06,365 --> 00:23:07,724 people we know who have gone through something 658 00:23:07,724 --> 00:23:10,285 similar Mhmm. Is the most realistic. Yeah. So 659 00:23:10,285 --> 00:23:11,265 just just 660 00:23:11,644 --> 00:23:12,465 stay flexible 661 00:23:12,924 --> 00:23:13,984 is the thing. 662 00:23:14,924 --> 00:23:16,525 Thanks for listening to this week's q and 663 00:23:16,525 --> 00:23:18,045 a episode. If you want us to answer 664 00:23:18,045 --> 00:23:19,779 one of your questions, just use the contact 665 00:23:19,779 --> 00:23:22,180 page on our website at lovingbdsm.net, 666 00:23:22,180 --> 00:23:23,380 or you can find the link in the 667 00:23:23,380 --> 00:23:25,220 show notes. Big thanks as always to our 668 00:23:25,220 --> 00:23:27,539 kinky community over on Patreon. We're able to 669 00:23:27,539 --> 00:23:29,299 do this podcast and keep it going and 670 00:23:29,299 --> 00:23:31,859 help kinksters due to your support. If you'd 671 00:23:31,859 --> 00:23:33,194 like to be part of our community and 672 00:23:33,194 --> 00:23:35,194 get access to extra content and a Discord 673 00:23:35,194 --> 00:23:36,875 server with a group of super cool, super 674 00:23:36,875 --> 00:23:38,794 nice kinksters, you can do that. Just join 675 00:23:38,794 --> 00:23:40,954 us at patreon.com/kaylalords. 676 00:23:40,954 --> 00:23:43,595 That's patreon.com/kaylalords, 677 00:23:43,595 --> 00:23:45,214 or use the link in the show next.