1
00:00:10,480 --> 00:00:12,960
You're listening to the Loving BDSM podcast episode

2
00:00:12,960 --> 00:00:15,359
four twenty nine. Kayla Lords here with the

3
00:00:15,359 --> 00:00:16,594
one, the only,

4
00:00:16,894 --> 00:00:19,054
the you have a well of patience that

5
00:00:19,054 --> 00:00:20,754
I have missed. John Brownstone.

6
00:00:22,654 --> 00:00:24,335
I mean, I haven't been testing your patience

7
00:00:24,335 --> 00:00:26,494
to my knowledge. No. You haven't. No. That

8
00:00:26,494 --> 00:00:29,154
that you have not. But other things have.

9
00:00:29,375 --> 00:00:31,739
Yeah. And you're, like, that was the thing

10
00:00:31,739 --> 00:00:32,799
you were kind of

11
00:00:33,260 --> 00:00:36,460
famed for. Like, it was infamous on a

12
00:00:36,460 --> 00:00:39,359
positive level. And then for a while,

13
00:00:40,620 --> 00:00:41,520
no patience.

14
00:00:41,979 --> 00:00:44,234
No patience. When I'm the most patient, one

15
00:00:44,234 --> 00:00:45,674
of the two of us, something is That

16
00:00:45,754 --> 00:00:48,074
something's wrong. Gone off the rails. Flip that

17
00:00:48,074 --> 00:00:50,875
like that. Yes. So yeah. Your your well

18
00:00:50,875 --> 00:00:52,954
of patience is filling back up. It is.

19
00:00:52,954 --> 00:00:54,714
I appreciate it. You're welcome. Because I would

20
00:00:54,714 --> 00:00:56,090
like to try that patience.

21
00:00:56,869 --> 00:00:58,710
And I have not done that in a

22
00:00:58,710 --> 00:00:59,770
while. Not purposely.

23
00:01:00,710 --> 00:01:01,850
No. You have not.

24
00:01:05,030 --> 00:01:06,170
Who do I think that?

25
00:01:06,469 --> 00:01:08,944
In you know, we're not really talking about

26
00:01:08,944 --> 00:01:10,385
that this week, but I think we kind

27
00:01:10,385 --> 00:01:12,385
of are. Mhmm. In a roundabout way. Yeah.

28
00:01:12,385 --> 00:01:14,225
Yeah. Because what we're talking about is something

29
00:01:14,225 --> 00:01:16,484
I think that a lot of people can

30
00:01:16,625 --> 00:01:17,125
possibly

31
00:01:17,585 --> 00:01:19,424
relate to now or guess what? You might

32
00:01:19,424 --> 00:01:20,645
relate to it in the future.

33
00:01:21,025 --> 00:01:23,209
And that is some of the feelings we've

34
00:01:23,209 --> 00:01:24,509
had as we've kind of

35
00:01:24,810 --> 00:01:27,390
experienced our roles in power exchange again.

36
00:01:28,729 --> 00:01:30,409
Part of our roles, and we'll we'll get

37
00:01:30,409 --> 00:01:30,989
to that.

38
00:01:31,450 --> 00:01:33,849
For me, it's comfort. For you, you said

39
00:01:33,849 --> 00:01:34,349
familiarity.

40
00:01:35,129 --> 00:01:36,810
And I've had to practice saying that word,

41
00:01:36,810 --> 00:01:38,064
and I'll still probably fuck it up at

42
00:01:38,064 --> 00:01:39,704
some point. I probably can't say it again

43
00:01:39,704 --> 00:01:42,424
either. It's okay. Try typing it 85 times

44
00:01:42,424 --> 00:01:43,865
like I did today. I'm just saying. It's

45
00:01:43,865 --> 00:01:45,165
a thing. Anyway,

46
00:01:46,105 --> 00:01:48,265
welcome to Loving BDSM podcast. If this is

47
00:01:48,265 --> 00:01:49,704
your first time listening, glad to have you.

48
00:01:49,704 --> 00:01:51,540
If you're back for another week, welcome back.

49
00:01:51,540 --> 00:01:53,780
Loving BDSM is produced every Monday and Friday

50
00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:55,540
for your kinky pleasure in education, and show

51
00:01:55,540 --> 00:01:57,879
notes are found at lovingBDSM.net.

52
00:01:58,020 --> 00:01:59,379
Come back often and feel free to add

53
00:01:59,379 --> 00:02:01,620
the podcast to your favorite podcast app. You

54
00:02:01,620 --> 00:02:03,380
could also follow the show on FetLife at

55
00:02:03,380 --> 00:02:07,000
loving BDSM PC on Instagram and, technically, threads,

56
00:02:07,204 --> 00:02:09,525
that handle I will forever fucking hate. Loving

57
00:02:09,525 --> 00:02:11,044
d s and the number one, so it's

58
00:02:11,044 --> 00:02:12,425
at loving d s one.

59
00:02:12,724 --> 00:02:15,444
On blue sky, at lovingBDSM.

60
00:02:15,444 --> 00:02:17,384
Blah blah blah. Mhmm. Mhmm.

61
00:02:17,925 --> 00:02:19,764
The link is in the places, and also

62
00:02:19,764 --> 00:02:21,610
if you search loving BDSM on blue Sky,

63
00:02:21,610 --> 00:02:23,530
we will come up, or on YouTube at

64
00:02:23,530 --> 00:02:25,530
youtube.com/lovingBDSM

65
00:02:25,530 --> 00:02:26,729
where you can watch us live stream the

66
00:02:26,729 --> 00:02:28,650
podcast every Wednesday. All links are in the

67
00:02:28,650 --> 00:02:29,389
show notes.

68
00:02:30,969 --> 00:02:31,469
Okay.

69
00:02:32,169 --> 00:02:32,669
Okay.

70
00:02:32,969 --> 00:02:34,269
So one announcement.

71
00:02:34,569 --> 00:02:36,284
It's the thing I've been saying every week.

72
00:02:36,764 --> 00:02:38,125
This will be the last week I say

73
00:02:38,125 --> 00:02:40,224
it until we get to 2026.

74
00:02:41,245 --> 00:02:43,645
We're still in our Patreon membership drive, and

75
00:02:43,645 --> 00:02:46,305
time is literally running out. If I read

76
00:02:46,444 --> 00:02:48,705
the calendar correctly the last day

77
00:02:49,165 --> 00:02:50,224
to join our Patreon

78
00:02:50,689 --> 00:02:53,090
during the membership drive and get the perks

79
00:02:53,090 --> 00:02:54,710
of the membership drive

80
00:02:55,409 --> 00:02:58,210
is February 15, this Saturday. For podcast listeners,

81
00:02:58,210 --> 00:03:00,629
it's the day after this podcast goes live.

82
00:03:01,009 --> 00:03:02,770
So if you've been thinking about it, you're

83
00:03:02,770 --> 00:03:03,270
like,

84
00:03:03,650 --> 00:03:04,150
maybe.

85
00:03:06,014 --> 00:03:07,534
Now hopefully is the time.

86
00:03:08,974 --> 00:03:11,215
So anytime you join our Patreon, there are

87
00:03:11,215 --> 00:03:13,614
certain things everybody gets no matter what. You

88
00:03:13,614 --> 00:03:16,094
get access to our Discord server. Mhmm. For

89
00:03:16,094 --> 00:03:18,734
those who have asked for Discord server access,

90
00:03:18,734 --> 00:03:20,259
it's the only way through our Patreon.

91
00:03:21,780 --> 00:03:24,739
We do JB no. We. No. We do

92
00:03:24,739 --> 00:03:25,639
a behind the scenes

93
00:03:26,180 --> 00:03:29,379
podcast episode every month. It's bonus section, but

94
00:03:29,379 --> 00:03:30,280
with more purpose.

95
00:03:31,219 --> 00:03:33,139
So this year, because our focus is on

96
00:03:33,139 --> 00:03:34,784
getting back into our power exchange in the

97
00:03:34,784 --> 00:03:36,144
way we want it to be, whatever that

98
00:03:36,144 --> 00:03:38,245
looks like, we're talking about that more.

99
00:03:39,025 --> 00:03:40,305
And then as I,

100
00:03:41,025 --> 00:03:42,625
mentioned in the livestream a few minutes ago,

101
00:03:42,625 --> 00:03:45,424
we are alternating each month. One month is

102
00:03:45,424 --> 00:03:47,584
a game night. Mhmm. You do not have

103
00:03:47,584 --> 00:03:49,424
to have Discord access to,

104
00:03:49,860 --> 00:03:52,419
join in. The other month is a movie

105
00:03:52,419 --> 00:03:53,939
night where we will share our screen and

106
00:03:53,939 --> 00:03:55,860
watch a movie, and I'm still we're figuring

107
00:03:55,860 --> 00:03:57,159
out the logistics of that.

108
00:03:58,180 --> 00:04:00,099
But that's for anybody at any level who

109
00:04:00,099 --> 00:04:01,939
joins our Patreon. If you join at the

110
00:04:01,939 --> 00:04:04,824
$5 level, you get access to all of

111
00:04:04,824 --> 00:04:07,784
that and JB reading bedtime stories too, if

112
00:04:07,784 --> 00:04:08,764
that's your jam.

113
00:04:09,705 --> 00:04:12,344
Anybody who thinks, or knows, I should say,

114
00:04:12,344 --> 00:04:14,905
that JB has a very nice voice. There's

115
00:04:14,905 --> 00:04:16,104
none of me in it. I'm not in

116
00:04:16,104 --> 00:04:18,949
the I'm the the silent editor. It's delightful.

117
00:04:19,810 --> 00:04:21,329
And then at the $10 level, you get

118
00:04:21,329 --> 00:04:24,629
all that, and you get access to,

119
00:04:25,490 --> 00:04:27,729
our digital downloads that we make for Etsy

120
00:04:27,729 --> 00:04:29,250
and put up on Etsy. You get access

121
00:04:29,250 --> 00:04:30,069
to all of those,

122
00:04:30,449 --> 00:04:32,345
for free at no additional charge.

123
00:04:33,045 --> 00:04:34,964
Gotta get that organized better on Patreon. That

124
00:04:34,964 --> 00:04:36,805
is also on my list. But if you

125
00:04:36,805 --> 00:04:38,024
join during the membership

126
00:04:38,404 --> 00:04:38,904
drive,

127
00:04:39,685 --> 00:04:42,404
which let me say again ends at 11:59PM

128
00:04:42,404 --> 00:04:45,064
Eastern on February 15, the day after Valentine's

129
00:04:45,204 --> 00:04:45,704
Day,

130
00:04:46,324 --> 00:04:47,899
you get a few things. If you join

131
00:04:47,899 --> 00:04:49,500
as an annual member, you get two months

132
00:04:49,500 --> 00:04:51,020
for free. So you pay for ten months

133
00:04:51,020 --> 00:04:51,680
of access.

134
00:04:51,980 --> 00:04:53,759
You get twelve months of access.

135
00:04:54,459 --> 00:04:57,020
Also, if you join, you during that time,

136
00:04:57,020 --> 00:04:58,319
you get perks. So,

137
00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:02,245
everybody is going to get the digital download

138
00:05:02,245 --> 00:05:04,745
of a workbook I'm still working on

139
00:05:05,285 --> 00:05:08,644
about communication and primarily power exchange, but it

140
00:05:08,644 --> 00:05:10,665
all transfers to BDSM in general.

141
00:05:11,204 --> 00:05:12,805
So everybody gets that. And then if you

142
00:05:12,805 --> 00:05:15,704
are in the $10 tier, you will get

143
00:05:16,564 --> 00:05:19,180
mailed, even, yes, even if you're international, our

144
00:05:19,180 --> 00:05:19,680
exclusive,

145
00:05:19,980 --> 00:05:21,360
not putting it out publicly

146
00:05:21,819 --> 00:05:22,879
anywhere for sale,

147
00:05:23,259 --> 00:05:26,540
tenth anniversary podcast enamel pin, pin, p I

148
00:05:26,540 --> 00:05:27,439
n, pin.

149
00:05:28,139 --> 00:05:30,000
I just ordered them.

150
00:05:30,459 --> 00:05:32,845
You did? Like, late last week, middle of

151
00:05:32,845 --> 00:05:34,544
last week, something like that.

152
00:05:34,925 --> 00:05:37,564
Got the confirmation from the price hasn't changed

153
00:05:37,564 --> 00:05:38,064
yet.

154
00:05:39,964 --> 00:05:41,564
I'm grateful for that. I that's why I

155
00:05:41,564 --> 00:05:43,724
got the order in. Don't know what's gonna

156
00:05:43,724 --> 00:05:45,245
happen, with the state of the world as

157
00:05:45,245 --> 00:05:45,904
it is.

158
00:05:46,444 --> 00:05:47,185
Got confirmation.

159
00:05:48,250 --> 00:05:50,250
I gave them confirmation. I was I approved

160
00:05:50,250 --> 00:05:52,250
the proof. They gave me confirmation that they

161
00:05:52,250 --> 00:05:53,550
are putting it into production

162
00:05:54,329 --> 00:05:56,569
and they should be here sometime in like

163
00:05:56,569 --> 00:05:57,949
mid March at the latest.

164
00:05:58,409 --> 00:06:00,764
So you get access to all that. That's

165
00:06:00,764 --> 00:06:02,125
a lot and I know I say it

166
00:06:02,125 --> 00:06:04,125
very fast and I throw it out at

167
00:06:04,125 --> 00:06:06,045
you very fast. There is a link in

168
00:06:06,045 --> 00:06:07,805
the places where you can actually read all

169
00:06:07,805 --> 00:06:09,245
of that. I've put a blog post up

170
00:06:09,245 --> 00:06:09,985
on the website,

171
00:06:10,525 --> 00:06:12,125
but also if you go to our Patreon,

172
00:06:12,125 --> 00:06:14,285
which is also linked in the places, that

173
00:06:14,285 --> 00:06:15,745
information is kind of there.

174
00:06:16,500 --> 00:06:18,339
Maybe maybe not as succinctly as a blog

175
00:06:18,339 --> 00:06:19,560
post, but it's all there.

176
00:06:20,979 --> 00:06:21,479
So

177
00:06:22,500 --> 00:06:23,000
yeah.

178
00:06:23,539 --> 00:06:25,459
And what what do we get for yeah.

179
00:06:25,459 --> 00:06:26,819
That's what y'all get. What do we get?

180
00:06:27,620 --> 00:06:28,839
To keep doing this.

181
00:06:31,539 --> 00:06:32,875
To keep me where it is on the

182
00:06:32,875 --> 00:06:33,375
Internet.

183
00:06:34,795 --> 00:06:36,875
There there are definitely times during the year

184
00:06:36,875 --> 00:06:39,355
and over the years when Patreon has helped

185
00:06:39,355 --> 00:06:41,514
keep the lights on, so we appreciate you.

186
00:06:41,514 --> 00:06:42,014
Yes.

187
00:06:42,395 --> 00:06:43,855
Yes. We do. Okay.

188
00:06:45,915 --> 00:06:47,600
Somebody asked why the

189
00:06:48,860 --> 00:06:51,019
podcast is no longer available on Amazon Prime

190
00:06:51,019 --> 00:06:53,660
Music. That's a good question. I don't know.

191
00:06:53,660 --> 00:06:55,199
I will have to go find out.

192
00:06:57,740 --> 00:06:58,240
So

193
00:06:58,779 --> 00:06:59,600
that is

194
00:07:00,004 --> 00:07:02,004
for anybody else who's wondering, yeah. That I

195
00:07:02,004 --> 00:07:03,685
don't know. I need to go check those

196
00:07:03,685 --> 00:07:06,024
connections. Mhmm. Something may have happened.

197
00:07:07,925 --> 00:07:09,845
I think 2025 is, like, a year of

198
00:07:09,845 --> 00:07:11,365
change for me because a thing I was

199
00:07:11,365 --> 00:07:12,805
researching in 2024

200
00:07:12,805 --> 00:07:15,750
that, hell, I might talk you into considering

201
00:07:15,750 --> 00:07:19,209
it, is changing who hosts the podcast audio.

202
00:07:19,430 --> 00:07:22,470
Yes. Because I feel like we are way

203
00:07:22,470 --> 00:07:24,409
overpaying for what we get.

204
00:07:26,870 --> 00:07:29,165
But also some of the other podcast places

205
00:07:29,165 --> 00:07:31,165
actually make it easier for your podcast to

206
00:07:31,165 --> 00:07:33,404
show up in different places. Yes. Whereas the

207
00:07:33,404 --> 00:07:34,865
host we use currently,

208
00:07:36,845 --> 00:07:38,925
things will happen and we'll get disconnected, and

209
00:07:38,925 --> 00:07:41,129
I'll have to go back in and, like

210
00:07:41,610 --> 00:07:43,449
Yeah. It's not the first time. No. But

211
00:07:43,449 --> 00:07:45,370
I don't usually know that we're disconnected until

212
00:07:45,370 --> 00:07:47,389
somebody says something. So

213
00:07:48,170 --> 00:07:49,790
I will have to go find out.

214
00:07:50,889 --> 00:07:53,529
Okay. All of that. We are getting into

215
00:07:53,529 --> 00:07:55,654
the topic. Mhmm. And,

216
00:07:57,154 --> 00:07:58,995
for me to suggest a topic to JB

217
00:07:58,995 --> 00:08:00,514
means it's on my mind and I'm really

218
00:08:00,514 --> 00:08:02,035
thinking about it hard because I'm like, oh,

219
00:08:02,035 --> 00:08:03,634
I think there's something to say here, but

220
00:08:03,634 --> 00:08:05,014
also I have realized

221
00:08:06,435 --> 00:08:08,134
that I feel a little vulnerable.

222
00:08:08,730 --> 00:08:11,689
Now I've never clearly, in 428

223
00:08:11,689 --> 00:08:14,569
former episodes, I have not been worried about

224
00:08:14,569 --> 00:08:15,550
being too damn

225
00:08:15,850 --> 00:08:16,350
vulnerable.

226
00:08:16,810 --> 00:08:18,329
But this one has, like, got me in

227
00:08:18,329 --> 00:08:18,569
my,

228
00:08:19,370 --> 00:08:21,145
Got you in the feels? Yeah. It's got

229
00:08:21,145 --> 00:08:22,665
me in my soft squishy parts. I mean,

230
00:08:22,665 --> 00:08:24,185
most of me is soft and squishy. So

231
00:08:24,185 --> 00:08:25,865
maybe that's the problem. It's got me in

232
00:08:25,865 --> 00:08:27,564
all of my soft squishy parts.

233
00:08:30,185 --> 00:08:30,685
But,

234
00:08:34,360 --> 00:08:36,840
yeah. So this is meaningful. I think part

235
00:08:36,840 --> 00:08:38,139
of it is I have not

236
00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:41,320
spent literal months of time thinking about it,

237
00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:42,300
like a couple of,

238
00:08:43,160 --> 00:08:44,840
topics that are kind of coming up in

239
00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:46,679
the future. I've been thinking about those. This

240
00:08:46,679 --> 00:08:48,414
one is, like, kind of a thing I

241
00:08:48,414 --> 00:08:50,595
just realized. Mhmm. So

242
00:08:51,375 --> 00:08:54,174
the title is me trying trying to express

243
00:08:54,174 --> 00:08:56,174
it, and then any little intro text in

244
00:08:56,174 --> 00:08:58,674
the places is me trying to explain this

245
00:08:59,134 --> 00:08:59,634
succinctly.

246
00:09:01,774 --> 00:09:04,279
So for the past two years when our

247
00:09:04,279 --> 00:09:05,980
life was basically a shit show,

248
00:09:06,360 --> 00:09:08,039
we were just holding on by the skin

249
00:09:08,039 --> 00:09:08,779
of our teeth,

250
00:09:09,799 --> 00:09:12,919
I was very much a service submissive. We

251
00:09:12,919 --> 00:09:14,360
said the whole time, we are still twenty

252
00:09:14,360 --> 00:09:15,799
four seven. It's lighter. It's not what we

253
00:09:15,799 --> 00:09:17,264
want it to be. There's less we're doing.

254
00:09:17,264 --> 00:09:18,944
But for us, we are twenty four seven

255
00:09:18,944 --> 00:09:19,444
because

256
00:09:19,824 --> 00:09:22,225
I'm always baby girl. Missus Damascus, he is

257
00:09:22,225 --> 00:09:24,784
always daddy dom. He is the decider. For

258
00:09:24,784 --> 00:09:25,684
those years,

259
00:09:26,304 --> 00:09:28,225
that was mostly what you were was the

260
00:09:28,225 --> 00:09:30,464
decider. I brought things to you and said

261
00:09:30,625 --> 00:09:31,684
Yep. Please decide.

262
00:09:32,490 --> 00:09:34,410
And most of what I did within our

263
00:09:34,410 --> 00:09:36,429
power exchange was serve.

264
00:09:37,370 --> 00:09:39,210
One, we didn't have to do anything new

265
00:09:39,210 --> 00:09:40,830
most of the time for that because

266
00:09:41,290 --> 00:09:42,269
I had a routine.

267
00:09:43,050 --> 00:09:45,210
I took over financial stuff truly as an

268
00:09:45,210 --> 00:09:47,675
act of service, not because I wanted to.

269
00:09:48,774 --> 00:09:52,055
If JB ever gets that, desire back, I

270
00:09:52,055 --> 00:09:54,075
will hand it over happily.

271
00:09:56,055 --> 00:09:58,455
But that that was where I know I

272
00:09:58,455 --> 00:10:01,195
lived in our power exchange. And in my

273
00:10:01,335 --> 00:10:03,090
personal role as a submissive

274
00:10:03,549 --> 00:10:05,230
was in service, which,

275
00:10:05,629 --> 00:10:06,690
can be very

276
00:10:07,230 --> 00:10:09,169
fulfilling, and it can be

277
00:10:09,629 --> 00:10:11,870
a wonderful thing, but it can also be

278
00:10:11,870 --> 00:10:12,370
exhausting,

279
00:10:12,909 --> 00:10:14,769
and it can be where resentment

280
00:10:15,789 --> 00:10:17,524
goes to grow. You know?

281
00:10:18,704 --> 00:10:21,584
And I know in conversations we've had, so

282
00:10:21,584 --> 00:10:23,504
add please add something to this. I know

283
00:10:23,504 --> 00:10:24,964
that you were often

284
00:10:25,745 --> 00:10:26,245
overwhelmed

285
00:10:26,704 --> 00:10:27,204
Yes.

286
00:10:28,225 --> 00:10:29,845
In your role. Mhmm.

287
00:10:30,339 --> 00:10:30,839
So,

288
00:10:36,980 --> 00:10:37,879
what would you

289
00:10:38,339 --> 00:10:41,240
say in regards to the past few years

290
00:10:41,299 --> 00:10:43,799
how you feel or felt about

291
00:10:44,820 --> 00:10:45,524
your role?

292
00:10:48,485 --> 00:10:49,845
Because we I feel like we're gonna talk

293
00:10:49,845 --> 00:10:51,764
about how we felt Yeah. Before we talk

294
00:10:51,764 --> 00:10:53,945
about how we feel. Mhmm. So

295
00:10:56,325 --> 00:10:58,345
are you or did I hit a vulnerable,

296
00:10:58,404 --> 00:10:59,225
soft, squishy

297
00:10:59,605 --> 00:11:01,200
spot? I'm not sure.

298
00:11:03,600 --> 00:11:04,259
You know,

299
00:11:06,799 --> 00:11:07,279
it's,

300
00:11:07,919 --> 00:11:09,840
yeah. The the last few years has been

301
00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:10,340
a

302
00:11:11,519 --> 00:11:12,100
a wild

303
00:11:13,434 --> 00:11:15,835
roller coaster ride. Mhmm. You know, mister Toad's

304
00:11:15,835 --> 00:11:16,654
wild ride.

305
00:11:17,835 --> 00:11:18,335
And

306
00:11:20,235 --> 00:11:20,735
it

307
00:11:21,274 --> 00:11:22,335
feels good

308
00:11:23,195 --> 00:11:26,490
that things are settling down. Mhmm. And and

309
00:11:26,490 --> 00:11:28,509
getting a a grasp on things.

310
00:11:29,129 --> 00:11:30,730
There is a part of me that almost

311
00:11:30,730 --> 00:11:32,490
does not trust it. Oh, God. No. Yeah.

312
00:11:32,490 --> 00:11:34,970
Yeah. Yeah. I'm definitely cynical and waiting for

313
00:11:34,970 --> 00:11:37,929
it to go away. Really? Absolutely. A wee

314
00:11:37,929 --> 00:11:38,829
bit of a cynical.

315
00:11:39,529 --> 00:11:40,954
Yeah. We don't I don't trust the good

316
00:11:40,954 --> 00:11:42,495
fortune. No. No. No. No. No.

317
00:11:43,115 --> 00:11:44,254
And and yet,

318
00:11:49,355 --> 00:11:51,195
as as you said earlier, you know, you

319
00:11:51,195 --> 00:11:53,434
asked me. For me, it it's a a

320
00:11:53,434 --> 00:11:53,934
familiar

321
00:11:54,649 --> 00:11:57,049
familiarity. Mhmm. Yeah. I know that's a tongue

322
00:11:57,049 --> 00:11:58,110
twister. Okay.

323
00:11:58,889 --> 00:11:59,389
And,

324
00:11:59,929 --> 00:12:02,170
you know, and and even like you said,

325
00:12:02,170 --> 00:12:03,470
there there is a

326
00:12:04,090 --> 00:12:04,590
a

327
00:12:05,210 --> 00:12:07,370
a amount a good amount of of comfort

328
00:12:07,769 --> 00:12:09,309
Mhmm. In it as well.

329
00:12:12,865 --> 00:12:13,924
And it feels

330
00:12:15,585 --> 00:12:17,845
good leaning back into it. Mhmm.

331
00:12:18,625 --> 00:12:21,345
Mhmm. Yeah. My overwhelming feeling has been a

332
00:12:21,345 --> 00:12:23,399
sense of comfort. And when I say comfort,

333
00:12:23,940 --> 00:12:24,919
it's more

334
00:12:25,459 --> 00:12:27,720
I don't know how to to describe it.

335
00:12:28,980 --> 00:12:29,959
It's a safety.

336
00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:33,700
It's it's the familiarity of I recognize this

337
00:12:33,700 --> 00:12:36,919
feeling Right. Even though some things probably

338
00:12:37,299 --> 00:12:38,120
have changed.

339
00:12:39,904 --> 00:12:40,404
There's

340
00:12:41,345 --> 00:12:42,245
the trust

341
00:12:42,865 --> 00:12:44,865
that comes with it. So let me let

342
00:12:44,865 --> 00:12:46,945
me back up a little bit. For me,

343
00:12:46,945 --> 00:12:48,945
I spent the past several years just focused

344
00:12:48,945 --> 00:12:52,230
on service mission or being a service submissive.

345
00:12:52,929 --> 00:12:54,210
What I did not do a lot of

346
00:12:54,210 --> 00:12:55,750
is just submit.

347
00:12:57,970 --> 00:13:00,049
JB wasn't doing a lot of taking control

348
00:13:00,049 --> 00:13:01,649
of, and so I didn't do a lot

349
00:13:01,649 --> 00:13:02,549
of submitting,

350
00:13:03,090 --> 00:13:05,649
which in for me and the way I

351
00:13:05,809 --> 00:13:07,509
I'm thinking about it right now,

352
00:13:08,904 --> 00:13:09,404
is,

353
00:13:10,024 --> 00:13:12,044
you know, having less control over

354
00:13:12,504 --> 00:13:14,264
what I'm doing, where I'm doing it, how

355
00:13:14,264 --> 00:13:16,605
I'm doing what's happening to me within my

356
00:13:16,745 --> 00:13:19,245
boundaries and limits and consensually, of course.

357
00:13:20,664 --> 00:13:22,684
And serving can be a very

358
00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:26,320
active role that you can take as a

359
00:13:26,320 --> 00:13:26,820
submissive,

360
00:13:27,519 --> 00:13:29,920
because to serve means to do some stuff.

361
00:13:29,920 --> 00:13:32,399
Right? Whether it's you're waiting to be told

362
00:13:32,399 --> 00:13:34,639
what to do or you're, you know, saying,

363
00:13:34,639 --> 00:13:35,920
hey. Can I do this for you? I

364
00:13:35,920 --> 00:13:37,245
see that you could, you know, use this

365
00:13:37,245 --> 00:13:37,904
this help. Whatever

366
00:13:38,445 --> 00:13:38,945
whatever.

367
00:13:40,284 --> 00:13:42,225
And submitting for me is

368
00:13:42,605 --> 00:13:44,845
decision making is not part of it. It's

369
00:13:44,845 --> 00:13:47,105
not it's active in a different way.

370
00:13:48,125 --> 00:13:50,125
It's the time I have to turn my

371
00:13:50,125 --> 00:13:52,789
brain off and kind of let, somehow, let

372
00:13:52,789 --> 00:13:53,929
the body relax

373
00:13:54,549 --> 00:13:56,730
so the things can be done to it.

374
00:13:57,509 --> 00:13:58,009
And

375
00:13:59,429 --> 00:14:01,029
it's one of those things I think sometimes

376
00:14:01,029 --> 00:14:03,049
you don't know that you're missing something

377
00:14:03,590 --> 00:14:05,429
or that you weren't you were feeling the

378
00:14:05,429 --> 00:14:07,924
absence of something until it's back. Mhmm. And

379
00:14:07,924 --> 00:14:11,044
I think there's there's a comfort in that

380
00:14:11,044 --> 00:14:12,504
as well. Yeah. Now,

381
00:14:12,964 --> 00:14:14,245
why is all of this,

382
00:14:14,725 --> 00:14:15,625
naval gazing

383
00:14:17,044 --> 00:14:18,345
a good topic? Because

384
00:14:18,884 --> 00:14:20,485
we are not the first, not the last,

385
00:14:20,485 --> 00:14:22,164
not the only to have had to put

386
00:14:22,164 --> 00:14:24,629
some level of our power exchange on pause

387
00:14:24,929 --> 00:14:26,610
and then decide to come back to it,

388
00:14:26,610 --> 00:14:27,110
like,

389
00:14:28,049 --> 00:14:30,049
mindfully, purposely come back to it and go,

390
00:14:30,049 --> 00:14:32,129
okay. What can we build from this? What

391
00:14:32,129 --> 00:14:34,149
can we do that

392
00:14:34,610 --> 00:14:37,514
we that feels better, that helps us connect

393
00:14:37,514 --> 00:14:38,414
better was

394
00:14:38,875 --> 00:14:40,574
part of our truer selves. Right?

395
00:14:41,595 --> 00:14:43,534
And so there's so many reasons why

396
00:14:43,914 --> 00:14:45,834
people in whether you're in a relationship or

397
00:14:45,834 --> 00:14:47,514
single, you take breaks from it.

398
00:14:48,154 --> 00:14:50,074
There's so many feelings that you can have

399
00:14:50,074 --> 00:14:51,615
when you come back to it.

400
00:14:52,340 --> 00:14:54,740
So I'm thinking of comfort. JB is thinking

401
00:14:54,740 --> 00:14:56,440
of familiarity, but good lord.

402
00:14:56,980 --> 00:14:57,480
Happiness,

403
00:14:57,940 --> 00:14:58,440
anxiety,

404
00:14:58,820 --> 00:14:59,960
worry, fear.

405
00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:03,540
Like, pick an emotion, and we're all complex

406
00:15:03,540 --> 00:15:06,179
creatures, so it could be 85 of the

407
00:15:06,179 --> 00:15:07,639
emotions all at once.

408
00:15:08,024 --> 00:15:09,485
I know when we were

409
00:15:10,024 --> 00:15:12,024
talking about, hey. We wanna focus on this.

410
00:15:12,024 --> 00:15:15,245
We have the the mental capacity, the emotional

411
00:15:15,304 --> 00:15:17,004
capacity to focus on this.

412
00:15:18,264 --> 00:15:20,879
I was excited, and there wasn't it wasn't

413
00:15:21,039 --> 00:15:22,559
fear as in, Oh my gosh, I'm breaking

414
00:15:22,559 --> 00:15:24,320
out into a cold sweat. I've gotta go

415
00:15:24,320 --> 00:15:26,160
like sit in a dark room. But there

416
00:15:26,160 --> 00:15:27,139
was that little

417
00:15:27,919 --> 00:15:30,799
tinge of anxiety of, What will this be

418
00:15:30,799 --> 00:15:32,960
like? Right? Will it be different? Will I

419
00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:33,940
still like it?

420
00:15:35,235 --> 00:15:36,055
All of that.

421
00:15:36,675 --> 00:15:38,535
And so what has happened recently

422
00:15:39,154 --> 00:15:41,894
is there's been this sense of comfort and

423
00:15:42,675 --> 00:15:44,754
I still I that word is is what

424
00:15:44,754 --> 00:15:46,754
I mean, but it does not say everything

425
00:15:46,754 --> 00:15:49,394
I mean and I don't have enough words

426
00:15:49,394 --> 00:15:51,659
to describe what I mean. So hopefully, it

427
00:15:51,659 --> 00:15:53,820
will come through. Even though please don't make

428
00:15:53,820 --> 00:15:55,419
a drinking game out of how many times

429
00:15:55,419 --> 00:15:57,440
I'm gonna say comfort in this episode,

430
00:15:57,820 --> 00:15:58,959
you'll be in the hospital.

431
00:16:01,259 --> 00:16:02,779
So what I have found is as I've

432
00:16:02,779 --> 00:16:05,039
been feeling this sense of comfort Mhmm.

433
00:16:05,417 --> 00:16:08,615
Is that everything has gotten easier. It becomes

434
00:16:08,615 --> 00:16:11,014
this feedback loop of this feels good, so

435
00:16:11,014 --> 00:16:12,615
I feel safe to do it. I can

436
00:16:12,615 --> 00:16:15,035
let it happen again. It gets easier. Now,

437
00:16:17,654 --> 00:16:19,019
can you talk about your

438
00:16:19,500 --> 00:16:20,000
familiarity?

439
00:16:21,179 --> 00:16:22,639
Yeah. Okay. Thank you.

440
00:16:24,460 --> 00:16:26,460
You know, I I kinda like I liken

441
00:16:26,460 --> 00:16:28,160
it to riding a bicycle.

442
00:16:28,700 --> 00:16:29,920
Okay. You know,

443
00:16:30,860 --> 00:16:33,200
one once you you don't forget. Mhmm.

444
00:16:33,660 --> 00:16:34,160
And

445
00:16:34,835 --> 00:16:35,335
it's

446
00:16:35,715 --> 00:16:38,134
it's it's coming it's like it's

447
00:16:38,514 --> 00:16:39,735
coming back. And

448
00:16:40,035 --> 00:16:42,514
what I'm grateful of, I and I think

449
00:16:42,514 --> 00:16:45,075
this is something that kinda learned over the

450
00:16:45,075 --> 00:16:47,095
last few years, it's not like it's

451
00:16:47,570 --> 00:16:49,457
flooding back. Yeah. No. No. No. No. No.

452
00:16:49,457 --> 00:16:51,124
No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

453
00:16:51,124 --> 00:16:54,370
No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

454
00:16:54,370 --> 00:16:54,870
No.

455
00:16:55,409 --> 00:16:55,987
No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

456
00:16:55,987 --> 00:16:56,655
No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

457
00:16:56,655 --> 00:16:57,323
No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

458
00:16:57,323 --> 00:16:57,990
No. No. No.

459
00:16:58,370 --> 00:16:58,870
No

460
00:17:01,934 --> 00:17:03,394
yeah. I find myself

461
00:17:06,095 --> 00:17:07,234
looking for opportunities

462
00:17:08,174 --> 00:17:10,035
now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

463
00:17:10,414 --> 00:17:11,855
You and I kinda talked about that the

464
00:17:11,855 --> 00:17:12,914
other day. Mhmm.

465
00:17:13,639 --> 00:17:14,299
For me

466
00:17:14,599 --> 00:17:17,079
so you're looking for opportunities. When you take

467
00:17:17,079 --> 00:17:17,899
those opportunities,

468
00:17:18,839 --> 00:17:20,940
I don't immediately go into flight or frightened

469
00:17:21,480 --> 00:17:23,659
fight or flight anymore or freeze.

470
00:17:24,759 --> 00:17:26,759
You melt. I melt a lot of times.

471
00:17:26,839 --> 00:17:28,694
Here's I do. I melt. Now

472
00:17:29,095 --> 00:17:29,595
sometimes

473
00:17:30,454 --> 00:17:32,694
it is just the and more frequently as

474
00:17:32,694 --> 00:17:34,375
we've gotten further along in this. I mean,

475
00:17:34,375 --> 00:17:36,075
it's only February, y'all.

476
00:17:37,575 --> 00:17:38,075
But

477
00:17:39,095 --> 00:17:42,500
sometimes it's automatic. I'm like, okay. Yeah. More

478
00:17:42,500 --> 00:17:44,679
often than not right now, it's a conscious

479
00:17:44,740 --> 00:17:47,140
thought. I'm like, oh, relax your body. Relax

480
00:17:47,140 --> 00:17:47,799
your body.

481
00:17:48,099 --> 00:17:49,460
Something's coming. Now I don't know what it

482
00:17:49,460 --> 00:17:51,380
is, but relax the body, which you've been

483
00:17:51,380 --> 00:17:52,440
doing more impact,

484
00:17:53,700 --> 00:17:55,380
on me in general, but on my face

485
00:17:55,380 --> 00:17:57,644
to make a point. I, within our power

486
00:17:57,644 --> 00:17:58,144
exchange,

487
00:17:58,684 --> 00:18:00,524
I do not mind if JB smacks me

488
00:18:00,524 --> 00:18:02,365
in the face because it's never done in

489
00:18:02,365 --> 00:18:03,984
anger. It's never done with cruelty.

490
00:18:04,365 --> 00:18:08,204
It's absolutely either the attention getter that he

491
00:18:08,204 --> 00:18:08,704
wants

492
00:18:09,804 --> 00:18:10,304
or,

493
00:18:11,039 --> 00:18:13,220
he's fucking me and he wants to feel

494
00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:15,519
my every muscle clench, if you know what

495
00:18:15,519 --> 00:18:16,500
I mean. Okay?

496
00:18:17,119 --> 00:18:17,619
And

497
00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:21,680
I'm actually more prepared for it in sex

498
00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:23,539
because it's more common even,

499
00:18:24,065 --> 00:18:26,144
you know, even in the toughest years if

500
00:18:26,144 --> 00:18:28,724
we managed to, you know, actually fuck around.

501
00:18:28,865 --> 00:18:30,384
I I could tell when it was coming.

502
00:18:30,384 --> 00:18:32,545
Now I get a little sassy, and next

503
00:18:32,545 --> 00:18:34,785
thing you know Yeah. My cheeks are red.

504
00:18:34,785 --> 00:18:37,105
It it's it's kinda move it it's kinda

505
00:18:37,105 --> 00:18:37,845
moved out

506
00:18:38,659 --> 00:18:40,899
from that that one aspect it was in,

507
00:18:40,899 --> 00:18:43,000
and now it's taking more of

508
00:18:43,940 --> 00:18:46,019
a forefront. Yeah. I mean, I actually got

509
00:18:46,019 --> 00:18:47,940
a little nervous. I we're in the office

510
00:18:47,940 --> 00:18:51,000
here, and your phone is buzzing like crazy.

511
00:18:51,859 --> 00:18:54,404
And it's actually for you. Oh, okay.

512
00:18:57,045 --> 00:18:58,565
He we were sitting here in the office.

513
00:18:58,565 --> 00:19:00,164
I got a little sassy. I'm sure you're

514
00:19:00,164 --> 00:19:02,565
all shocked by that. And he pop, pop,

515
00:19:02,565 --> 00:19:03,924
pop right on my cheek. Oh my god.

516
00:19:03,924 --> 00:19:05,525
I fucking loved it. Like, my eyes crossed.

517
00:19:05,525 --> 00:19:06,450
It was so dead.

518
00:19:07,490 --> 00:19:08,769
But then I did have that thought of,

519
00:19:08,769 --> 00:19:10,769
oh, I hope a kid did not hear

520
00:19:10,769 --> 00:19:13,009
that. And I god. I'm glad a child

521
00:19:13,009 --> 00:19:14,549
did not walk in at that point.

522
00:19:15,169 --> 00:19:16,609
So we are a little bit out of

523
00:19:16,609 --> 00:19:17,669
practice of, like,

524
00:19:18,450 --> 00:19:20,549
being aware of our surroundings, I think.

525
00:19:21,044 --> 00:19:23,704
But, yeah, the melting has been interesting.

526
00:19:24,085 --> 00:19:26,244
So and I have a direct comparison for

527
00:19:26,244 --> 00:19:27,764
some of this, and I think that's what

528
00:19:27,764 --> 00:19:28,504
made me

529
00:19:29,044 --> 00:19:31,365
recognize what I was feeling and what was

530
00:19:31,365 --> 00:19:31,865
happening.

531
00:19:33,044 --> 00:19:33,544
Because

532
00:19:34,759 --> 00:19:35,259
lately,

533
00:19:37,399 --> 00:19:37,899
when

534
00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:39,980
when we,

535
00:19:41,079 --> 00:19:42,220
participate in

536
00:19:42,679 --> 00:19:44,220
in fuckery that is sexual,

537
00:19:45,559 --> 00:19:48,460
there's a lot of tossing around of of

538
00:19:48,599 --> 00:19:50,865
my body, which is not something I'm used

539
00:19:50,865 --> 00:19:53,125
to, but I ain't mad at it.

540
00:19:53,985 --> 00:19:56,705
And for years, I think before the shit

541
00:19:56,705 --> 00:19:59,585
show of of the twenty twenties started out

542
00:19:59,585 --> 00:20:01,904
for us, before all that, I would struggle

543
00:20:01,904 --> 00:20:04,210
with that. It was like my instinct was

544
00:20:04,210 --> 00:20:06,150
to stiffen up because I was like,

545
00:20:06,609 --> 00:20:09,569
who nobody I've never been small and dainty

546
00:20:09,569 --> 00:20:11,909
enough for anybody to be moving me around.

547
00:20:12,049 --> 00:20:12,549
Okay?

548
00:20:14,049 --> 00:20:14,549
So

549
00:20:16,464 --> 00:20:16,964
now

550
00:20:17,345 --> 00:20:20,065
I am just relaxing into it. I in

551
00:20:20,065 --> 00:20:21,585
my mind, for me, that's a form of

552
00:20:21,585 --> 00:20:24,384
submission because it's like you want my body

553
00:20:24,384 --> 00:20:26,964
positioned in a way, and I'm

554
00:20:28,480 --> 00:20:31,039
just letting it happen even on an instinct

555
00:20:31,119 --> 00:20:32,720
like, it's not instinctual to just let it

556
00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:34,079
happen. I do have to kinda have the

557
00:20:34,079 --> 00:20:35,679
thought of relax your body or go with

558
00:20:35,679 --> 00:20:37,839
it. Just roll with it. Just literal. Roll

559
00:20:37,839 --> 00:20:38,740
with it. Right?

560
00:20:39,839 --> 00:20:41,940
But when I do, and then I'm rewarded

561
00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:44,464
with something that usually feels fan fucking tastic,

562
00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:47,404
it's easier the next time. But that's where

563
00:20:47,404 --> 00:20:49,565
I can I can sense how my

564
00:20:50,125 --> 00:20:51,964
what my feelings are and how they're shifting

565
00:20:51,964 --> 00:20:54,464
and how my submission is shifting

566
00:20:54,845 --> 00:20:55,345
because

567
00:20:55,964 --> 00:20:57,565
I don't know how well you noticed it

568
00:20:57,565 --> 00:20:59,904
in the past because it's been years since

569
00:21:00,339 --> 00:21:02,899
in anybody was interested in anything with between

570
00:21:02,899 --> 00:21:04,599
us because the stress just

571
00:21:04,980 --> 00:21:07,700
fucking killed us? And then perimenopause is a

572
00:21:07,700 --> 00:21:09,159
fucking bitch. I hate her.

573
00:21:10,099 --> 00:21:12,659
And it killed any desire for anything before

574
00:21:12,659 --> 00:21:13,480
all of this.

575
00:21:14,819 --> 00:21:15,319
So

576
00:21:15,795 --> 00:21:16,535
I am

577
00:21:16,835 --> 00:21:19,154
you know, I have direct comparisons to make

578
00:21:19,154 --> 00:21:19,654
between

579
00:21:20,515 --> 00:21:23,195
the stiffness, the way I would, like Mhmm.

580
00:21:23,475 --> 00:21:23,975
Resist

581
00:21:24,355 --> 00:21:26,914
Yes. And not resist because I didn't wanna

582
00:21:26,914 --> 00:21:29,200
submit, but resist because there was a nervousness

583
00:21:29,259 --> 00:21:32,059
to it. There there is a difference Mhmm.

584
00:21:32,140 --> 00:21:34,880
To that too. Yeah. Because in the past,

585
00:21:37,420 --> 00:21:38,799
you when you resisted,

586
00:21:40,845 --> 00:21:42,765
it was like a a plant your foot

587
00:21:42,765 --> 00:21:43,825
in the ground and,

588
00:21:44,204 --> 00:21:46,125
you know, you're you're digging in for the

589
00:21:46,125 --> 00:21:49,724
long haul. Mhmm. Mhmm. Okay? And now, there

590
00:21:49,724 --> 00:21:51,984
is none of that. The the only

591
00:21:52,444 --> 00:21:52,944
resistance

592
00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:55,960
is when you get that that flash in

593
00:21:55,960 --> 00:21:57,640
your eye and and you get a little

594
00:21:57,640 --> 00:21:58,140
mischievous,

595
00:21:58,440 --> 00:22:00,140
you know, and sassy the sassy,

596
00:22:00,839 --> 00:22:03,720
Wait. This is something you're you've experienced and

597
00:22:03,720 --> 00:22:04,220
witnessed?

598
00:22:05,320 --> 00:22:05,820
Yeah.

599
00:22:06,265 --> 00:22:06,765
When?

600
00:22:08,664 --> 00:22:10,904
Can you give an example? Because now I'm

601
00:22:10,904 --> 00:22:11,404
curious.

602
00:22:11,785 --> 00:22:13,005
Anytime recently?

603
00:22:14,105 --> 00:22:16,984
Like, during not during sex. No. Surely. Okay.

604
00:22:16,984 --> 00:22:19,464
No. Okay. But just like out in Yeah.

605
00:22:19,464 --> 00:22:20,525
Out in the wild.

606
00:22:22,289 --> 00:22:23,349
Out in the wild.

607
00:22:24,210 --> 00:22:26,369
Well, out in the wild has been very

608
00:22:26,369 --> 00:22:28,769
interesting. So on our list and we talked

609
00:22:28,769 --> 00:22:30,450
about this in our first episode of the

610
00:22:30,450 --> 00:22:30,950
year,

611
00:22:31,490 --> 00:22:33,170
for our plans for 2025.

612
00:22:33,170 --> 00:22:34,849
On our list is to kinda do some

613
00:22:34,849 --> 00:22:35,349
experimenting

614
00:22:35,650 --> 00:22:36,105
with

615
00:22:36,904 --> 00:22:37,404
purposeful,

616
00:22:38,424 --> 00:22:38,924
like,

617
00:22:39,464 --> 00:22:41,944
for me to be more submissive for JV

618
00:22:41,944 --> 00:22:43,325
to be more dominant

619
00:22:43,625 --> 00:22:44,924
than we are just,

620
00:22:45,384 --> 00:22:47,944
like, naturally, like, to be mindful with it.

621
00:22:47,944 --> 00:22:49,859
Right? And to do that in different situations

622
00:22:49,859 --> 00:22:52,580
and kinda check how that feels. Well, I've

623
00:22:52,580 --> 00:22:53,480
been doing it

624
00:22:54,180 --> 00:22:55,160
on my own,

625
00:22:56,019 --> 00:22:58,100
and what I've figured out is JB's not

626
00:22:58,100 --> 00:22:59,160
used to it. So No.

627
00:22:59,539 --> 00:23:00,039
And

628
00:23:02,180 --> 00:23:03,332
this is again, this is where that sense

629
00:23:03,332 --> 00:23:03,417
of comfort came from as well. Mhmm. So

630
00:23:03,417 --> 00:23:04,875
this past weekend, we're running errands. Comfort came

631
00:23:04,875 --> 00:23:07,195
from as well. Mhmm. So this past weekend,

632
00:23:07,195 --> 00:23:08,255
we're running errands.

633
00:23:09,035 --> 00:23:11,355
Now as we've said many times, we are

634
00:23:11,355 --> 00:23:13,914
very collaborative, but life forced us to be

635
00:23:13,914 --> 00:23:14,894
even more collaborative.

636
00:23:15,355 --> 00:23:16,410
So these are habits

637
00:23:17,529 --> 00:23:19,869
we now have, and we're deciding where

638
00:23:20,170 --> 00:23:20,809
to go and what order to do things

639
00:23:20,809 --> 00:23:23,230
and where to park the car,

640
00:23:23,529 --> 00:23:24,269
like, just these

641
00:23:24,890 --> 00:23:27,230
small things. And Jamie would ask my opinion,

642
00:23:27,529 --> 00:23:29,470
and I would go, whatever you want, daddy.

643
00:23:30,974 --> 00:23:32,414
And I was doing it purposely. I was

644
00:23:32,414 --> 00:23:34,015
like, let me just do the experiment on

645
00:23:34,015 --> 00:23:35,615
my own. Let's see what this let's see

646
00:23:35,615 --> 00:23:37,214
if he clocks it. Let's see what this

647
00:23:37,214 --> 00:23:39,555
feels like. And it felt

648
00:23:40,095 --> 00:23:42,515
really good. Mhmm. But I also

649
00:23:44,335 --> 00:23:44,835
noticed

650
00:23:45,509 --> 00:23:47,130
how often I have an opinion.

651
00:23:47,670 --> 00:23:49,369
Like, we all know I have opinions.

652
00:23:49,910 --> 00:23:52,230
We all know it. Shocking. We all know

653
00:23:52,230 --> 00:23:53,830
it. I'm I make no secret of it.

654
00:23:53,830 --> 00:23:55,769
But even when I'm

655
00:23:56,230 --> 00:23:58,809
trying to just go whatever you want.

656
00:23:59,904 --> 00:24:01,744
Is there that part of you inside is,

657
00:24:01,744 --> 00:24:04,244
like, clawing to get out? You know, it

658
00:24:04,704 --> 00:24:06,625
it depended on the moment over this past

659
00:24:06,625 --> 00:24:09,105
weekend. So when it was something simple that

660
00:24:09,105 --> 00:24:10,964
there was no I there was clearly

661
00:24:11,345 --> 00:24:12,565
no right or wrong.

662
00:24:13,184 --> 00:24:15,820
Whatever you want, daddy. Whatever you want. When

663
00:24:16,839 --> 00:24:17,960
and I think this is just who I

664
00:24:17,960 --> 00:24:19,559
am. I think I will probably never not

665
00:24:19,559 --> 00:24:21,079
be this way as a submissive no matter

666
00:24:21,079 --> 00:24:22,700
what we experiment with or try.

667
00:24:23,960 --> 00:24:26,140
When I thought I had an observation

668
00:24:26,519 --> 00:24:28,575
that could help you make a better decision

669
00:24:28,654 --> 00:24:29,054
Mhmm.

670
00:24:29,454 --> 00:24:31,534
Or to be more certain in the decision

671
00:24:31,534 --> 00:24:33,454
you were gonna make, I I like, without

672
00:24:33,454 --> 00:24:35,294
thinking it just came out of my mouth.

673
00:24:35,294 --> 00:24:35,954
It was

674
00:24:36,815 --> 00:24:38,355
probably not, pleasant.

675
00:24:38,734 --> 00:24:39,234
So

676
00:24:43,130 --> 00:24:45,130
that I got a little bit of my

677
00:24:45,130 --> 00:24:46,730
feelings about that, because I was like, I'm

678
00:24:46,730 --> 00:24:48,490
over here trying to just say whatever you

679
00:24:48,490 --> 00:24:50,890
want, daddy, like, over and over again. Not

680
00:24:50,890 --> 00:24:51,390
mindlessly,

681
00:24:51,929 --> 00:24:53,069
but purposefully.

682
00:24:53,369 --> 00:24:55,315
Right? Because it it feels good to be

683
00:24:55,315 --> 00:24:57,315
a little duckling just following. You know? It

684
00:24:57,475 --> 00:24:58,695
sometimes it feels good.

685
00:24:59,235 --> 00:25:01,475
And I I had these moments where I

686
00:25:01,475 --> 00:25:02,674
was like, oh my gosh. Am I doing

687
00:25:02,674 --> 00:25:03,654
this all wrong? Because

688
00:25:03,955 --> 00:25:04,455
the

689
00:25:05,075 --> 00:25:07,475
the the questions or the opinions just come

690
00:25:07,475 --> 00:25:07,975
out.

691
00:25:08,559 --> 00:25:10,019
I I took some time

692
00:25:10,320 --> 00:25:12,320
to kinda think about it and I realized

693
00:25:12,320 --> 00:25:13,779
that's one, that's anxiety.

694
00:25:14,160 --> 00:25:15,519
If I think you did not catch a

695
00:25:15,519 --> 00:25:17,380
detail, I gotta make sure you catch it.

696
00:25:17,440 --> 00:25:18,580
But two, it's service.

697
00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:20,480
I want you to make the best decision

698
00:25:20,480 --> 00:25:21,700
you can make. Mhmm.

699
00:25:22,080 --> 00:25:24,075
And I'm grateful that you are not the

700
00:25:24,154 --> 00:25:26,474
kind of dominant who requires me to ask

701
00:25:26,474 --> 00:25:29,934
permission before I give you my opinion because

702
00:25:30,714 --> 00:25:32,794
we would be struggling. There would be head

703
00:25:32,794 --> 00:25:33,855
butting because

704
00:25:34,474 --> 00:25:36,075
I'm not that disciplined that I don't think

705
00:25:36,075 --> 00:25:36,480
I could ever

706
00:25:37,599 --> 00:25:39,599
be my fullest self. Like, I could do

707
00:25:39,599 --> 00:25:41,779
it for a small amount of time. Yeah.

708
00:25:42,960 --> 00:25:45,299
And Lola has opinions about it all.

709
00:25:46,480 --> 00:25:48,640
But doing even that little bit without you

710
00:25:48,640 --> 00:25:50,259
knowing what I was doing

711
00:25:50,799 --> 00:25:51,299
felt

712
00:25:53,924 --> 00:25:56,164
it was soothing in a way. It was

713
00:25:56,164 --> 00:25:57,945
a little bit like going back

714
00:25:58,964 --> 00:25:59,464
to

715
00:25:59,845 --> 00:26:01,464
a place you've been before

716
00:26:02,404 --> 00:26:04,720
and knowing it's a little bit different, but

717
00:26:04,720 --> 00:26:06,880
it's also there's a nostalgia to it, but

718
00:26:06,880 --> 00:26:07,779
it's also like

719
00:26:08,240 --> 00:26:10,160
this this is a feeling of rightness. This

720
00:26:10,160 --> 00:26:12,720
is A happy place? Kind of. It was

721
00:26:12,880 --> 00:26:15,519
it's a softer thing than just happy. Mhmm.

722
00:26:15,840 --> 00:26:18,580
It's kind of more a rightness, a knowing,

723
00:26:19,815 --> 00:26:21,815
a sense of belonging. Like, this is this

724
00:26:21,815 --> 00:26:23,835
is right. This is things are in alignment.

725
00:26:24,054 --> 00:26:26,234
Kind of. Kind of. Yeah. Okay.

726
00:26:26,694 --> 00:26:28,774
And even that's it's too cold of a

727
00:26:28,774 --> 00:26:30,774
definition. The comfort for me, there's a warmth

728
00:26:30,774 --> 00:26:31,414
to it. There's a

729
00:26:32,214 --> 00:26:34,774
I keep saying comfort because it's a it's

730
00:26:34,774 --> 00:26:35,274
like

731
00:26:36,630 --> 00:26:38,869
putting on your softest shirt that makes you

732
00:26:38,869 --> 00:26:41,350
feel snugly. It's like getting into bed when

733
00:26:41,350 --> 00:26:43,269
it's a snugly bed and not you're sweating

734
00:26:43,269 --> 00:26:46,090
through your perimenopause, and why is it not

735
00:26:46,390 --> 00:26:47,830
two degrees in the house? That would be

736
00:26:47,830 --> 00:26:49,990
great. You're like you know, it's it's those

737
00:26:49,990 --> 00:26:52,775
feelings of comfort that come to mind for

738
00:26:52,775 --> 00:26:55,414
me. It's a I need somebody who's better

739
00:26:55,414 --> 00:26:56,934
with words to come up with a way

740
00:26:56,934 --> 00:26:59,275
to describe that because all I got's comfort.

741
00:27:01,174 --> 00:27:03,115
And I have been enjoying

742
00:27:03,494 --> 00:27:05,700
that feeling so much. It becomes this self

743
00:27:05,859 --> 00:27:07,460
fulfilling prophecy. I like it so much so

744
00:27:07,460 --> 00:27:09,059
I keep doing things so I can keep

745
00:27:09,059 --> 00:27:11,240
feeling that way. And I'm very,

746
00:27:12,579 --> 00:27:13,799
grateful that

747
00:27:14,259 --> 00:27:15,159
you have

748
00:27:16,659 --> 00:27:19,460
been feeling your own way and wanting to

749
00:27:19,460 --> 00:27:22,015
participate on your end because it would be

750
00:27:22,015 --> 00:27:23,454
a very sad day if I'm over here

751
00:27:23,454 --> 00:27:25,474
trying to be He's one-sided. Right? A swaddled

752
00:27:25,535 --> 00:27:26,914
little duckling, and

753
00:27:27,295 --> 00:27:28,194
he's uninterested.

754
00:27:34,230 --> 00:27:36,309
So I have to ask Uh-oh. Did you

755
00:27:36,309 --> 00:27:38,710
notice what I was doing last weekend on

756
00:27:38,710 --> 00:27:40,890
our errands? How did you feel about them?

757
00:27:43,429 --> 00:27:44,170
At first

758
00:27:46,869 --> 00:27:48,950
I'm guessing you didn't trust it. At first,

759
00:27:48,950 --> 00:27:49,769
I was like,

760
00:27:50,414 --> 00:27:52,115
who is this and what's going on?

761
00:27:54,495 --> 00:27:56,414
That that kinda makes me sad, but also,

762
00:27:56,414 --> 00:27:57,955
yeah, I get it. I get

763
00:27:59,295 --> 00:28:00,914
it. Fair. That's fair.

764
00:28:01,455 --> 00:28:02,595
And and, you know,

765
00:28:03,400 --> 00:28:06,299
a few times in my in my mind,

766
00:28:07,960 --> 00:28:10,299
I you know, before I even

767
00:28:11,160 --> 00:28:12,220
utter any words,

768
00:28:12,599 --> 00:28:14,920
I'm hunkered down in my head ready for,

769
00:28:14,920 --> 00:28:15,740
you know, the

770
00:28:16,519 --> 00:28:17,660
the blast of sass.

771
00:28:18,835 --> 00:28:20,134
I mean, I can

772
00:28:21,154 --> 00:28:23,654
I can be intentional with the sass sometimes?

773
00:28:25,234 --> 00:28:26,775
Yeah. Sometimes. Mhmm.

774
00:28:27,154 --> 00:28:30,054
You know, sometimes it's like okay. The sass?

775
00:28:30,400 --> 00:28:32,160
Sometimes it is because I genuinely just I

776
00:28:32,160 --> 00:28:33,759
think the thing I'm thinking needs to be

777
00:28:33,759 --> 00:28:35,279
said because it's hilarious, and I like to

778
00:28:35,279 --> 00:28:37,359
be funny. It makes me very happy to

779
00:28:37,359 --> 00:28:37,940
be funny,

780
00:28:38,240 --> 00:28:40,740
to be laughed with, not at. Right? Mhmm.

781
00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:42,500
Sometimes,

782
00:28:43,214 --> 00:28:45,054
and I've I've kinda had to contend with

783
00:28:45,054 --> 00:28:46,575
this as we've done this sort of self

784
00:28:46,575 --> 00:28:49,134
exploration as, you know, over the past several

785
00:28:49,134 --> 00:28:50,674
weeks, it's fear based.

786
00:28:51,134 --> 00:28:53,535
I'm afraid you won't have the information to

787
00:28:53,535 --> 00:28:56,160
make the right decision. Mhmm. I'm afraid that

788
00:28:56,160 --> 00:28:57,759
I will have missed something, so you will

789
00:28:57,759 --> 00:28:58,660
have missed something.

790
00:28:59,200 --> 00:29:01,920
I am very used to a distracted JB

791
00:29:01,920 --> 00:29:04,320
over the past few years. Yeah. And you

792
00:29:04,320 --> 00:29:06,980
are just now kind of finding your

793
00:29:07,359 --> 00:29:07,859
footing,

794
00:29:09,039 --> 00:29:11,924
where you are paying attention to more details.

795
00:29:12,005 --> 00:29:12,505
Yeah.

796
00:29:13,525 --> 00:29:15,785
One I can't remember which podcast episode.

797
00:29:16,085 --> 00:29:18,164
Is it either this episode or the one

798
00:29:18,164 --> 00:29:20,005
that comes out Monday? We're time traveling right

799
00:29:20,005 --> 00:29:20,505
now.

800
00:29:21,445 --> 00:29:23,285
You know, if anybody pays attention to those

801
00:29:23,285 --> 00:29:25,125
intros I do on the audio podcast, I

802
00:29:25,125 --> 00:29:27,369
always say something about JB. And the one

803
00:29:27,369 --> 00:29:29,710
I said today that was so fucking true

804
00:29:30,089 --> 00:29:33,069
is that your well of patience is refilling.

805
00:29:33,289 --> 00:29:33,789
Yeah.

806
00:29:34,329 --> 00:29:37,049
And when you are not patient, you miss

807
00:29:37,049 --> 00:29:37,549
details.

808
00:29:38,009 --> 00:29:39,309
Correct. And

809
00:29:39,674 --> 00:29:40,894
we have had

810
00:29:41,195 --> 00:29:43,535
times, and we'll still continue to have them,

811
00:29:43,674 --> 00:29:47,035
where missing details becomes costly Yes. Whether that's

812
00:29:47,035 --> 00:29:49,855
financially or time or something. Right? Right.

813
00:29:50,475 --> 00:29:51,215
And so

814
00:29:52,075 --> 00:29:53,695
partly because I'm a control freak

815
00:29:54,349 --> 00:29:56,990
who has honed that into service submission, but

816
00:29:56,990 --> 00:29:58,910
also I'm a service sub. I want to

817
00:29:58,910 --> 00:29:59,890
make sure you

818
00:30:00,269 --> 00:30:02,049
get it right, whatever it is.

819
00:30:02,830 --> 00:30:04,990
I am primed. I am trained, not because

820
00:30:04,990 --> 00:30:07,090
you trained me, but because life did, to

821
00:30:07,154 --> 00:30:09,394
try to look at about 85 different angles

822
00:30:09,394 --> 00:30:11,075
and make sure you have all the information

823
00:30:11,075 --> 00:30:11,734
you need.

824
00:30:12,115 --> 00:30:14,535
Does it come out in a soft,

825
00:30:15,715 --> 00:30:16,855
sweet, submissive

826
00:30:17,795 --> 00:30:18,775
way? No.

827
00:30:19,154 --> 00:30:20,615
No. Almost never. No.

828
00:30:21,555 --> 00:30:22,349
So the

829
00:30:23,069 --> 00:30:24,849
this is not universally true. There's

830
00:30:25,470 --> 00:30:26,690
shades of gray here.

831
00:30:27,150 --> 00:30:28,210
Pardon the expression.

832
00:30:29,710 --> 00:30:31,809
But when I am the most nervous

833
00:30:32,669 --> 00:30:35,410
is when I probably sound the least submissive.

834
00:30:39,865 --> 00:30:40,845
And I,

835
00:30:42,105 --> 00:30:43,545
I I think it's a trusting, and it's

836
00:30:43,545 --> 00:30:46,205
a strange trusting because you, I trust completely.

837
00:30:46,505 --> 00:30:49,065
Right? I'll let you do things to me,

838
00:30:49,065 --> 00:30:51,884
with me, for me. Like, I trust you.

839
00:30:51,945 --> 00:30:53,005
Mhmm. But

840
00:30:54,019 --> 00:30:56,579
as anybody in a long term relationship will

841
00:30:56,579 --> 00:30:58,179
get to, if this if you're not quite

842
00:30:58,179 --> 00:31:00,259
there yet, I also just like you know

843
00:31:00,259 --> 00:31:02,179
my flaws, I know your flaws. Mhmm. And

844
00:31:02,179 --> 00:31:02,679
I

845
00:31:03,220 --> 00:31:05,700
I think you and I have both been

846
00:31:05,700 --> 00:31:07,559
navigating each other's flaws

847
00:31:08,315 --> 00:31:11,035
over the past several years. My anxiety being

848
00:31:11,035 --> 00:31:13,515
through the fucking roof. Yeah. Your anxiety being

849
00:31:13,515 --> 00:31:15,454
through the roof, but, you know, we

850
00:31:15,994 --> 00:31:18,974
No. We handle that differently. Mhmm. I become

851
00:31:20,190 --> 00:31:23,409
more type a, more focused on details. Yeah.

852
00:31:23,470 --> 00:31:24,929
And you become less.

853
00:31:25,389 --> 00:31:26,210
And so

854
00:31:26,750 --> 00:31:29,230
I think we have been kind of saving

855
00:31:29,230 --> 00:31:31,710
each other from ourselves. Yeah. And I See,

856
00:31:31,710 --> 00:31:33,734
I can't let that go just automatically. I'm

857
00:31:33,734 --> 00:31:35,815
working on it. Yeah. See. I I I

858
00:31:35,815 --> 00:31:36,875
realize now,

859
00:31:37,894 --> 00:31:39,115
you know, the the whole

860
00:31:39,414 --> 00:31:41,595
working with the detail thing, that was a

861
00:31:41,654 --> 00:31:42,474
a combination

862
00:31:42,775 --> 00:31:43,275
of

863
00:31:43,734 --> 00:31:45,195
my anxiety and depression

864
00:31:45,654 --> 00:31:48,309
Oh, sure. Working in tandem. Oh, absolutely. Absolutely.

865
00:31:48,309 --> 00:31:50,769
It all makes complete and total sense. Yeah.

866
00:31:51,309 --> 00:31:51,809
So

867
00:31:52,190 --> 00:31:52,429
but,

868
00:31:53,470 --> 00:31:55,309
you know, one one of the other things

869
00:31:55,309 --> 00:31:56,529
that I've I've noticed,

870
00:31:57,470 --> 00:31:59,869
and and I have been very grateful for

871
00:31:59,869 --> 00:32:01,730
this in in a lot of ways.

872
00:32:02,755 --> 00:32:04,595
And, yeah, you know, I understand why you

873
00:32:04,595 --> 00:32:06,755
did what you do and still do to

874
00:32:06,755 --> 00:32:08,674
some extent. When you're in the phone, you

875
00:32:08,674 --> 00:32:10,674
kind of tune out and you're looking at

876
00:32:10,674 --> 00:32:12,434
your phone. Oh, it's my escape. Oh, it's

877
00:32:12,434 --> 00:32:14,849
absolutely my escape. Yeah. Yeah. But you have

878
00:32:14,849 --> 00:32:17,410
been doing that less and less. Mhmm. Yes.

879
00:32:17,410 --> 00:32:18,930
That is also yeah. I've noticed that. You

880
00:32:18,930 --> 00:32:20,609
have been doing that less and less and

881
00:32:20,609 --> 00:32:23,329
have actually been more engaged with me when

882
00:32:23,329 --> 00:32:24,309
we're in the car.

883
00:32:24,930 --> 00:32:25,430
Yes.

884
00:32:25,809 --> 00:32:27,349
And one day,

885
00:32:28,224 --> 00:32:30,244
I will make it so there's some magic

886
00:32:30,625 --> 00:32:31,664
that when your,

887
00:32:32,384 --> 00:32:34,144
phone is talking to you and your hearing

888
00:32:34,144 --> 00:32:36,164
aids Yeah. I still get your attention.

889
00:32:37,345 --> 00:32:39,125
It's that has not been

890
00:32:39,505 --> 00:32:41,809
a a one one for one exchange there.

891
00:32:41,950 --> 00:32:43,710
No. No. Not always. And not because you

892
00:32:43,710 --> 00:32:44,609
do not engage

893
00:32:45,150 --> 00:32:47,890
with me, like, in the car or whatever,

894
00:32:48,430 --> 00:32:49,650
but because

895
00:32:50,829 --> 00:32:52,994
like me, but for different reasons, once something

896
00:32:52,994 --> 00:32:53,734
has your focus,

897
00:32:54,355 --> 00:32:55,255
that's it. Yeah.

898
00:32:55,795 --> 00:32:58,535
We're literally waving green flags to get attention.

899
00:32:58,835 --> 00:33:00,275
For me, it was an escape. For you,

900
00:33:00,275 --> 00:33:02,934
it's just a a a function of, like,

901
00:33:03,075 --> 00:33:05,474
your your brain and your ears working together.

902
00:33:05,474 --> 00:33:05,954
Yeah.

903
00:33:06,515 --> 00:33:08,650
And I am doing less. I am still

904
00:33:08,650 --> 00:33:11,049
escaping from this fucking reality in the year

905
00:33:11,049 --> 00:33:12,570
of our lord 2025,

906
00:33:12,570 --> 00:33:14,809
but I'm doing it through fiction. Thank you

907
00:33:14,809 --> 00:33:15,470
very much.

908
00:33:16,329 --> 00:33:18,809
Another thing I've noticed, and this has been

909
00:33:18,809 --> 00:33:19,549
a comfort

910
00:33:20,089 --> 00:33:22,190
maybe more for you than for me.

911
00:33:22,570 --> 00:33:23,805
I'm imperfect at this,

912
00:33:24,684 --> 00:33:27,164
but I am a little bit less anxious

913
00:33:27,164 --> 00:33:28,065
when you're driving.

914
00:33:28,445 --> 00:33:30,285
Yes. There was a time, and it was

915
00:33:30,285 --> 00:33:32,525
when he was riding a motorcycle full fucking

916
00:33:32,525 --> 00:33:35,085
time because some of the best vehicle car

917
00:33:35,085 --> 00:33:37,400
drivers are people who ride motorcycles and do

918
00:33:37,400 --> 00:33:38,059
it safely.

919
00:33:38,920 --> 00:33:40,839
He was an amazing driver. I was telling

920
00:33:40,839 --> 00:33:42,200
everybody. I was like, this is the first

921
00:33:42,200 --> 00:33:43,880
time I've been in a a car with

922
00:33:43,880 --> 00:33:46,279
another adult driving me around and I'm not

923
00:33:46,279 --> 00:33:47,960
nervous. The only other person who gets that

924
00:33:47,960 --> 00:33:50,085
is my mother because she drives more anxiously

925
00:33:50,085 --> 00:33:52,164
than I do. So I know I'm in

926
00:33:52,164 --> 00:33:52,825
good hands.

927
00:33:53,605 --> 00:33:55,684
And for years, Jamie could drive me anywhere

928
00:33:55,684 --> 00:33:57,525
and everywhere. And I was like Yeah. I

929
00:33:57,525 --> 00:34:00,085
would comment on the craziness of traffic, but

930
00:34:00,085 --> 00:34:01,144
I didn't flinch.

931
00:34:01,684 --> 00:34:04,529
No. You didn't. No. And then he stopped

932
00:34:04,529 --> 00:34:05,590
riding a motorcycle

933
00:34:05,970 --> 00:34:08,210
and and not after the accident. This was

934
00:34:08,210 --> 00:34:10,289
before the accident when he stopped riding a

935
00:34:10,289 --> 00:34:11,750
motorcycle full time,

936
00:34:12,050 --> 00:34:13,829
and it was something he only did occasionally.

937
00:34:14,369 --> 00:34:17,585
His driving got worse, y'all. His driving got

938
00:34:17,585 --> 00:34:19,844
worse. Yeah. Not like he's a bad driver,

939
00:34:20,224 --> 00:34:22,065
but he is not as careful as he

940
00:34:22,065 --> 00:34:23,125
once was. Yeah.

941
00:34:23,505 --> 00:34:24,005
So

942
00:34:25,664 --> 00:34:29,739
add that just shift to growing anxiety because

943
00:34:29,739 --> 00:34:30,719
hormones suck,

944
00:34:31,099 --> 00:34:34,320
and changes of life suck, and then add,

945
00:34:34,380 --> 00:34:35,360
like, existential

946
00:34:35,820 --> 00:34:36,320
dread

947
00:34:36,780 --> 00:34:38,320
from just life happening.

948
00:34:38,619 --> 00:34:41,099
And I've been in, like, a a

949
00:34:42,355 --> 00:34:44,035
there's a term I want is it,

950
00:34:45,155 --> 00:34:46,535
powder keg of anxiety.

951
00:34:46,914 --> 00:34:49,494
Okay? It's gonna explode out.

952
00:34:50,275 --> 00:34:52,355
And I we I we've talked about this

953
00:34:52,355 --> 00:34:53,875
in past episodes. We had to make the

954
00:34:53,875 --> 00:34:56,515
agreement, the tacit silent agreement that what Kayla

955
00:34:56,515 --> 00:34:57,750
needs to do is be on her fucking

956
00:34:57,750 --> 00:35:00,230
phone while JB's driving Yeah. Or somebody's getting

957
00:35:00,230 --> 00:35:01,769
left on the side of the road.

958
00:35:02,230 --> 00:35:04,070
It would probably be me. Wouldn't be wouldn't

959
00:35:04,070 --> 00:35:04,969
be the driver.

960
00:35:06,789 --> 00:35:07,530
Right. So

961
00:35:09,989 --> 00:35:12,195
I still can't can't wait for the day

962
00:35:12,195 --> 00:35:13,635
when you kind of go back to being

963
00:35:13,635 --> 00:35:15,335
the driver that you were. Yeah.

964
00:35:15,954 --> 00:35:16,454
But

965
00:35:17,394 --> 00:35:17,894
your

966
00:35:18,355 --> 00:35:18,855
anxiety

967
00:35:21,155 --> 00:35:21,894
and depression

968
00:35:22,195 --> 00:35:24,360
lessening, I think, has made you less aggressive

969
00:35:25,320 --> 00:35:27,960
Yeah. Have there been times when I've been

970
00:35:27,960 --> 00:35:30,119
like, please don't flip them off. This is

971
00:35:30,119 --> 00:35:32,200
the red part of the country and these

972
00:35:32,200 --> 00:35:34,619
motherfuckers have guns and road rage.

973
00:35:34,920 --> 00:35:36,554
Yes, I have. Yes, I have.

974
00:35:38,795 --> 00:35:40,494
But I am less

975
00:35:41,114 --> 00:35:42,414
scared of life

976
00:35:42,954 --> 00:35:45,034
and just still anxious. That's just who I

977
00:35:45,034 --> 00:35:46,894
am. But I'm I'm less so.

978
00:35:47,594 --> 00:35:49,855
I am being more purposeful

979
00:35:50,155 --> 00:35:52,175
and mindful in my submission.

980
00:35:54,359 --> 00:35:56,839
It's a strange thing to say this because

981
00:35:56,839 --> 00:35:58,280
it's gonna sound worse than I mean it

982
00:35:58,280 --> 00:35:58,780
to.

983
00:35:59,319 --> 00:36:00,300
I am learning

984
00:36:00,760 --> 00:36:02,619
to trust in you

985
00:36:02,920 --> 00:36:06,139
again. You never lost my trust on very

986
00:36:07,235 --> 00:36:09,175
deep meaningful levels. Mhmm.

987
00:36:09,554 --> 00:36:11,974
But you needed my support

988
00:36:12,835 --> 00:36:13,335
more

989
00:36:14,195 --> 00:36:16,114
Yes. In the past few years than you

990
00:36:16,114 --> 00:36:19,155
had before. Yes. And it's not a lack

991
00:36:19,155 --> 00:36:21,554
of faith in you, but it's a not

992
00:36:21,554 --> 00:36:22,054
knowing

993
00:36:23,309 --> 00:36:23,809
whether

994
00:36:25,630 --> 00:36:27,090
what I'm seeing is consistent

995
00:36:27,390 --> 00:36:29,550
Right. Or if you are gonna need me

996
00:36:29,550 --> 00:36:31,150
to serve in that way. And it's and

997
00:36:31,150 --> 00:36:33,950
and it is I I think that then

998
00:36:33,950 --> 00:36:34,849
is is

999
00:36:36,764 --> 00:36:38,704
the part that you're experiencing

1000
00:36:39,405 --> 00:36:41,405
and, you know, for me, it's a little

1001
00:36:41,405 --> 00:36:43,324
bit like I like I said earlier, you

1002
00:36:43,324 --> 00:36:45,105
know, sometimes when you,

1003
00:36:46,434 --> 00:36:48,809
you know, don't come back at me with

1004
00:36:48,809 --> 00:36:50,410
the sass or or with a little bit

1005
00:36:50,410 --> 00:36:52,030
of an argument, you know, that I'm

1006
00:36:53,210 --> 00:36:55,530
okay, who you know. So, you know, that

1007
00:36:55,530 --> 00:36:57,369
that's kind of what it does. And for

1008
00:36:57,369 --> 00:36:59,769
you, you know, and and that makes totally

1009
00:36:59,769 --> 00:37:02,829
total sense. Mhmm. It's so strange that you

1010
00:37:05,174 --> 00:37:06,394
you can't trust

1011
00:37:07,094 --> 00:37:09,194
the softer side of me,

1012
00:37:09,654 --> 00:37:10,534
and I don't

1013
00:37:11,014 --> 00:37:12,855
I'm trying to trust the calmer side of

1014
00:37:12,855 --> 00:37:13,355
you.

1015
00:37:14,054 --> 00:37:16,134
And not trust the calmer side. Trust that

1016
00:37:16,134 --> 00:37:18,449
the calm is here to stay. Yeah. Trust

1017
00:37:18,449 --> 00:37:20,769
that the patience has returned. Mhmm. Trust that

1018
00:37:20,769 --> 00:37:22,150
the focus has returned.

1019
00:37:22,609 --> 00:37:25,010
Yeah. And and then and then because this

1020
00:37:25,010 --> 00:37:26,609
will be part of the topic when we

1021
00:37:26,609 --> 00:37:28,609
get when I finally do the perimenopause episode

1022
00:37:28,609 --> 00:37:30,849
because this is about aging. Then there's the

1023
00:37:30,849 --> 00:37:33,045
shit that changes your fucking brain as you're

1024
00:37:33,284 --> 00:37:33,784
aging.

1025
00:37:34,164 --> 00:37:36,724
And so we're all getting older and our

1026
00:37:36,724 --> 00:37:39,204
memories can be for shit. And so sometimes

1027
00:37:39,204 --> 00:37:41,144
you need the the push on the memory

1028
00:37:41,684 --> 00:37:44,484
not because of anxiety and depression, not because

1029
00:37:44,484 --> 00:37:45,864
of stress, but because

1030
00:37:47,000 --> 00:37:49,480
Just because. We're just getting older. Yep. And

1031
00:37:49,480 --> 00:37:50,539
it's it's a

1032
00:37:51,000 --> 00:37:52,920
I think if it was just an age

1033
00:37:52,920 --> 00:37:55,260
alone thing and and an aging thing,

1034
00:37:56,119 --> 00:37:58,519
I I would actually probably be less comfortable

1035
00:37:58,519 --> 00:37:59,719
with it because I you wouldn't need me

1036
00:37:59,719 --> 00:38:00,164
as often.

1037
00:38:02,005 --> 00:38:03,864
And now I don't we don't haven't

1038
00:38:04,244 --> 00:38:04,824
had enough

1039
00:38:05,445 --> 00:38:05,945
time

1040
00:38:06,644 --> 00:38:08,264
to get to the point where I'm like,

1041
00:38:08,264 --> 00:38:09,765
oh, no. No. No. He only needs me

1042
00:38:09,765 --> 00:38:11,625
sometimes to be paying attention to the details.

1043
00:38:11,684 --> 00:38:13,605
He's mostly got it. There's just gonna be

1044
00:38:13,605 --> 00:38:15,445
some times that, you know, you're tired or

1045
00:38:15,445 --> 00:38:17,469
you're whatever. But but, you know, that

1046
00:38:18,010 --> 00:38:18,909
goes into,

1047
00:38:21,609 --> 00:38:22,750
kinda where I

1048
00:38:24,650 --> 00:38:27,309
I wanted to step into this this year,

1049
00:38:27,849 --> 00:38:30,190
you know, of of being more mindful.

1050
00:38:30,625 --> 00:38:31,125
Mhmm.

1051
00:38:33,184 --> 00:38:35,364
Mhmm. And I think, so far,

1052
00:38:35,664 --> 00:38:36,644
knock on wood,

1053
00:38:37,344 --> 00:38:38,644
I'm I'm doing okay.

1054
00:38:38,945 --> 00:38:41,045
Oh, well, I I can feel a difference.

1055
00:38:41,505 --> 00:38:42,485
You know, you

1056
00:38:42,864 --> 00:38:45,030
in talking about this specific topic,

1057
00:38:45,750 --> 00:38:47,750
you're talking about familiarity, and this is, like,

1058
00:38:47,750 --> 00:38:49,670
muscle memory coming back to you. It's getting

1059
00:38:49,670 --> 00:38:51,210
back on the the bicycle.

1060
00:38:51,670 --> 00:38:53,130
Oh, I've noticed.

1061
00:38:53,590 --> 00:38:54,090
Okay?

1062
00:38:56,070 --> 00:38:57,050
I have noticed.

1063
00:38:57,505 --> 00:38:58,724
The the because

1064
00:39:00,144 --> 00:39:03,505
the swiftness with which you will sometimes respond

1065
00:39:03,505 --> 00:39:05,284
to my sass Mhmm.

1066
00:39:05,744 --> 00:39:08,224
That's JB from ten years ago. Let me

1067
00:39:08,224 --> 00:39:10,085
tell you. That's a man in his fifties

1068
00:39:10,545 --> 00:39:13,609
and, like, right in that middle age prime.

1069
00:39:13,829 --> 00:39:14,329
Okay?

1070
00:39:14,949 --> 00:39:15,609
And it's

1071
00:39:16,710 --> 00:39:18,809
y'all heard that. Right? And it's delightful.

1072
00:39:19,670 --> 00:39:20,409
I think

1073
00:39:21,109 --> 00:39:22,329
what has happened

1074
00:39:22,949 --> 00:39:24,329
in reverse though

1075
00:39:24,869 --> 00:39:28,125
is I am very slowly, goddamn very slowly,

1076
00:39:28,605 --> 00:39:31,585
slowly, getting back that sexual side to myself.

1077
00:39:31,885 --> 00:39:32,385
Mhmm.

1078
00:39:32,764 --> 00:39:34,065
And I think it surprises

1079
00:39:34,605 --> 00:39:35,105
us

1080
00:39:35,485 --> 00:39:36,945
both because one

1081
00:39:37,885 --> 00:39:39,885
okay. Look. I took a gummy one night.

1082
00:39:39,885 --> 00:39:41,744
It relaxed the fuck out of me.

1083
00:39:42,525 --> 00:39:43,264
And I

1084
00:39:43,920 --> 00:39:45,280
it it It was a wild night. It

1085
00:39:45,280 --> 00:39:47,599
was a great night. It was a great

1086
00:39:47,599 --> 00:39:48,099
night.

1087
00:39:49,599 --> 00:39:52,079
And I ended up being the whiny baby

1088
00:39:52,079 --> 00:39:53,780
girl that I am

1089
00:39:54,159 --> 00:39:56,175
telling my my daddy dom that I was

1090
00:39:56,175 --> 00:39:57,695
kink horny. I didn't need him to fuck

1091
00:39:57,695 --> 00:39:59,695
me anymore, but I needed him to fuck

1092
00:39:59,695 --> 00:40:00,434
me up

1093
00:40:01,054 --> 00:40:03,315
some more because I wasn't done yet.

1094
00:40:07,054 --> 00:40:08,894
And I think that was Kayla from ten

1095
00:40:08,894 --> 00:40:10,800
years ago too. Yeah.

1096
00:40:12,460 --> 00:40:14,539
Yeah. Yeah. And, also, do we still have

1097
00:40:14,539 --> 00:40:16,819
some of those gummies? Because Yes. We do.

1098
00:40:17,019 --> 00:40:18,000
I could use some.

1099
00:40:22,194 --> 00:40:24,355
But, you know, so there's there's this even

1100
00:40:24,355 --> 00:40:26,674
I have no. I don't. I don't I

1101
00:40:26,674 --> 00:40:27,974
have not felt the familiarity.

1102
00:40:28,835 --> 00:40:30,835
It's not like a muscle memory to me.

1103
00:40:30,835 --> 00:40:32,835
It is the comfort. It is the rightness

1104
00:40:32,835 --> 00:40:35,155
of it. It's the safety. Maybe that's part

1105
00:40:35,155 --> 00:40:37,579
of the comfort. I feel safe and secure

1106
00:40:37,640 --> 00:40:38,140
because

1107
00:40:40,039 --> 00:40:40,700
I think

1108
00:40:41,239 --> 00:40:43,400
many, not all, submissives can relate to this.

1109
00:40:43,400 --> 00:40:45,720
At some point in your power exchange journey,

1110
00:40:45,720 --> 00:40:47,720
whether it's when you first get to submit

1111
00:40:47,720 --> 00:40:49,559
or when you finally get into a relationship

1112
00:40:49,559 --> 00:40:52,315
that's, like, worth fucking working for and having.

1113
00:40:52,934 --> 00:40:55,174
There's this moment that many of us can

1114
00:40:55,174 --> 00:40:57,034
experience, and God knows I have of, oh,

1115
00:40:57,655 --> 00:40:58,855
fucking, finally, I don't have to make all

1116
00:40:58,855 --> 00:41:01,815
the decisions. I can I can let somebody

1117
00:41:01,815 --> 00:41:04,409
lead? And there are times, I know from

1118
00:41:04,569 --> 00:41:06,809
from my perspective, that it's been easier to

1119
00:41:06,809 --> 00:41:07,549
allow that.

1120
00:41:08,170 --> 00:41:10,969
New relationship energies, even sub frenzy, which could

1121
00:41:10,969 --> 00:41:13,289
be dangerous, but, like, those those all those

1122
00:41:13,289 --> 00:41:14,190
feel good,

1123
00:41:14,569 --> 00:41:15,309
you know,

1124
00:41:15,690 --> 00:41:18,809
brain chemicals coursing through you can make that

1125
00:41:18,809 --> 00:41:19,309
easier.

1126
00:41:20,315 --> 00:41:21,054
That's not

1127
00:41:21,434 --> 00:41:24,234
as easy to let go at other times.

1128
00:41:24,234 --> 00:41:25,454
Right? And for

1129
00:41:26,875 --> 00:41:27,775
for us,

1130
00:41:28,394 --> 00:41:29,135
it was

1131
00:41:29,835 --> 00:41:31,514
just life. It was just a long term

1132
00:41:31,514 --> 00:41:33,674
relationship going through fucking life and the stressors

1133
00:41:33,674 --> 00:41:35,969
of life that Mhmm. Everybody goes through.

1134
00:41:37,090 --> 00:41:39,010
And and making it a priority for us

1135
00:41:39,010 --> 00:41:41,429
to still be a team and be together

1136
00:41:41,570 --> 00:41:43,190
and not let it tear us apart,

1137
00:41:43,489 --> 00:41:46,050
but it meant that softer sides of us,

1138
00:41:46,050 --> 00:41:47,030
and in your case,

1139
00:41:47,409 --> 00:41:49,650
more devious sides, had to take the back

1140
00:41:49,650 --> 00:41:51,315
seat. Yeah. And so

1141
00:41:51,775 --> 00:41:54,815
I don't actually recognize myself in some of

1142
00:41:54,815 --> 00:41:56,355
the things that I'm doing

1143
00:41:57,535 --> 00:41:58,914
because I think

1144
00:42:00,015 --> 00:42:02,414
the reason I don't recognize myself in it,

1145
00:42:02,414 --> 00:42:04,619
I'm not having the muscle memory experience that

1146
00:42:04,619 --> 00:42:06,940
you are, is because I am being more

1147
00:42:06,940 --> 00:42:09,260
purposeful in the early days of our power

1148
00:42:09,260 --> 00:42:10,159
exchange. And

1149
00:42:10,699 --> 00:42:12,079
until I mean,

1150
00:42:13,420 --> 00:42:13,920
probably

1151
00:42:15,739 --> 00:42:18,405
up through like maybe the 2016, '20 '17

1152
00:42:18,405 --> 00:42:20,585
after time frame before perimenopause

1153
00:42:21,684 --> 00:42:22,425
got started,

1154
00:42:23,204 --> 00:42:24,184
on her fuckery,

1155
00:42:26,005 --> 00:42:27,605
I it was not a thing I had

1156
00:42:27,605 --> 00:42:30,425
to think about. I just did. I just

1157
00:42:30,565 --> 00:42:31,864
followed. I just,

1158
00:42:32,349 --> 00:42:34,269
you know, let you lead. I just like,

1159
00:42:34,269 --> 00:42:35,170
whatever whatever.

1160
00:42:37,710 --> 00:42:39,250
And now I'm doing it

1161
00:42:39,550 --> 00:42:41,409
purposefully, mindfully, intentionally.

1162
00:42:42,030 --> 00:42:44,589
And that is a completely different feeling from

1163
00:42:44,589 --> 00:42:46,875
from my perspective as dismissive in this situation,

1164
00:42:49,675 --> 00:42:51,695
quote natural thing before.

1165
00:42:52,235 --> 00:42:54,074
I just did it. You were the first

1166
00:42:54,074 --> 00:42:56,875
relationship I'd ever had, romantic relationship, where you

1167
00:42:56,875 --> 00:42:59,190
had my complete and total and utter trust.

1168
00:42:59,429 --> 00:43:01,349
Mhmm. And I knew I was safe with

1169
00:43:01,349 --> 00:43:01,849
you,

1170
00:43:02,309 --> 00:43:04,069
and I've always known I'm safe with you.

1171
00:43:04,069 --> 00:43:05,909
But what I have had the experience of

1172
00:43:05,909 --> 00:43:07,609
as I lost my mind to perimenopause

1173
00:43:08,389 --> 00:43:10,569
and then life just life, right,

1174
00:43:11,875 --> 00:43:13,655
Was that I was

1175
00:43:14,434 --> 00:43:16,515
my trust in you has never wavered. My

1176
00:43:16,515 --> 00:43:19,255
trust in our life did. Mhmm.

1177
00:43:19,555 --> 00:43:21,175
Because we were riding

1178
00:43:22,355 --> 00:43:24,429
a a flow of life where kind of

1179
00:43:24,429 --> 00:43:26,030
everything just sort of seemed to work out.

1180
00:43:26,030 --> 00:43:28,369
It wasn't always easy, but shit worked out.

1181
00:43:28,590 --> 00:43:30,670
And we set a goal and and completed

1182
00:43:30,670 --> 00:43:33,650
it and Mhmm. Wasn't this grand. And so

1183
00:43:34,269 --> 00:43:36,110
I could I could put all in total

1184
00:43:36,110 --> 00:43:38,369
and complete faith in you and truly not

1185
00:43:39,105 --> 00:43:41,764
think too hard about any of it. Right.

1186
00:43:42,144 --> 00:43:44,224
And then roller coaster of life, we start

1187
00:43:44,224 --> 00:43:46,324
on the ebb of fucking life

1188
00:43:48,144 --> 00:43:51,045
and the natural trust with the the not

1189
00:43:51,184 --> 00:43:53,204
thinking about it Mhmm.

1190
00:43:53,679 --> 00:43:54,659
Couldn't work anymore

1191
00:43:55,280 --> 00:43:57,519
because you couldn't work that way anymore. And

1192
00:43:57,760 --> 00:43:59,760
No. Even before all that hit, when I

1193
00:43:59,760 --> 00:44:00,980
hit Mary perimenopause,

1194
00:44:01,280 --> 00:44:03,280
and I am convinced that was around the

1195
00:44:03,280 --> 00:44:04,980
twenty eighteen ish time period,

1196
00:44:05,360 --> 00:44:07,065
I thought I was losing my goddamn mind.

1197
00:44:07,304 --> 00:44:09,304
I wasn't the same person. And so I've

1198
00:44:09,304 --> 00:44:09,804
been

1199
00:44:10,184 --> 00:44:11,625
all this time trying to figure out who

1200
00:44:11,625 --> 00:44:13,224
the fuck I am. Still working on it,

1201
00:44:13,224 --> 00:44:14,045
by the way.

1202
00:44:15,545 --> 00:44:17,324
Because I am in the age old

1203
00:44:17,944 --> 00:44:19,005
is that perimenopause?

1204
00:44:19,625 --> 00:44:20,525
Is that neurodivergency?

1205
00:44:21,625 --> 00:44:22,284
Is that

1206
00:44:22,779 --> 00:44:24,859
something else I don't like, what is causing

1207
00:44:24,859 --> 00:44:25,359
this?

1208
00:44:27,099 --> 00:44:28,639
And so what's happening now

1209
00:44:29,819 --> 00:44:31,500
and I love that I get that sense

1210
00:44:31,500 --> 00:44:33,259
of safety and comfort, but it's why I

1211
00:44:33,259 --> 00:44:34,239
can't recognize

1212
00:44:34,635 --> 00:44:36,974
the muscle memory thing that that you do

1213
00:44:37,355 --> 00:44:39,755
is because I am trying. I am thinking

1214
00:44:39,755 --> 00:44:40,815
about it. I am

1215
00:44:41,755 --> 00:44:42,255
when

1216
00:44:43,195 --> 00:44:44,954
when we're fucking around in bed, it is

1217
00:44:45,034 --> 00:44:47,034
it's not we're we're not fucking like rabbits.

1218
00:44:47,034 --> 00:44:49,079
We are we are in our forties and

1219
00:44:49,160 --> 00:44:52,119
sixties, and we're tired. Okay? Not everybody's like

1220
00:44:52,119 --> 00:44:53,260
that, but we are

1221
00:44:53,719 --> 00:44:56,680
fucking tired. So it's not it's not like

1222
00:44:56,680 --> 00:44:58,760
it was ten, fifteen years ago. No.

1223
00:45:00,119 --> 00:45:01,640
So it's not happening all the time. But

1224
00:45:01,640 --> 00:45:03,320
what it means is when we start fucking

1225
00:45:03,320 --> 00:45:06,335
around, around, I'm telling myself, loosen your muscles.

1226
00:45:06,335 --> 00:45:08,014
Oh, here here he comes. He's flipping you.

1227
00:45:08,014 --> 00:45:10,494
Don't fight. Don't fight. And it's this instant

1228
00:45:10,494 --> 00:45:13,695
thing of the you know, of thinking about

1229
00:45:13,695 --> 00:45:15,215
it so that I can then respond and

1230
00:45:15,215 --> 00:45:17,130
all you're getting is the outwards of, shit.

1231
00:45:17,130 --> 00:45:19,530
She flopped over like like I wanted her

1232
00:45:19,530 --> 00:45:20,030
to.

1233
00:45:21,289 --> 00:45:23,210
There was no resistance. And I'm in there

1234
00:45:23,210 --> 00:45:24,969
going, okay. Good job. Good job. You didn't

1235
00:45:24,969 --> 00:45:26,489
panic. That felt felt good. You can do

1236
00:45:26,489 --> 00:45:28,664
this again next time. Okay. Okay. Okay. And

1237
00:45:28,664 --> 00:45:30,445
then because I like positive reinforcement,

1238
00:45:31,144 --> 00:45:33,305
when we calm calm down and come down

1239
00:45:33,305 --> 00:45:35,385
from it all, I'm like, good job. I

1240
00:45:35,385 --> 00:45:37,324
like that. You could do that again.

1241
00:45:38,265 --> 00:45:41,545
Yeah. Because everybody needs positive reinforcement. Thank you

1242
00:45:41,545 --> 00:45:42,765
very much. That's true.

1243
00:45:43,224 --> 00:45:43,724
So

1244
00:45:44,869 --> 00:45:46,570
that I think that's why I've been

1245
00:45:48,789 --> 00:45:50,550
I've been so focused on how it's making

1246
00:45:50,550 --> 00:45:52,730
me feel because it's not Yeah.

1247
00:45:53,430 --> 00:45:55,910
If there's muscle memory, it's in the feeling

1248
00:45:55,910 --> 00:45:57,130
of safety and comfort.

1249
00:45:58,265 --> 00:45:58,765
Before,

1250
00:45:59,065 --> 00:46:00,364
it was an untested

1251
00:46:00,825 --> 00:46:01,325
faith

1252
00:46:01,945 --> 00:46:03,244
that did not require

1253
00:46:03,785 --> 00:46:04,925
my full participation.

1254
00:46:05,785 --> 00:46:08,765
I could turn brain off and follow. Right?

1255
00:46:09,385 --> 00:46:11,724
Your sheer force of will and

1256
00:46:12,025 --> 00:46:14,960
personality when you would turn on your big

1257
00:46:14,960 --> 00:46:15,699
d self

1258
00:46:16,000 --> 00:46:17,059
could bring me along.

1259
00:46:17,359 --> 00:46:18,179
And now

1260
00:46:18,800 --> 00:46:21,699
I've always chosen it, but I'm choosing it

1261
00:46:22,000 --> 00:46:24,719
actively. Mhmm. And so I'm just grateful that

1262
00:46:24,719 --> 00:46:25,619
what I feel

1263
00:46:26,480 --> 00:46:29,675
is that security, that safety, that soft snugly

1264
00:46:29,735 --> 00:46:31,815
feeling of how this feels so good and

1265
00:46:31,815 --> 00:46:33,894
this feels so right. You know? The, you

1266
00:46:33,894 --> 00:46:35,414
took your bra off at the end of

1267
00:46:35,414 --> 00:46:37,894
the day feeling. The, you finally got to

1268
00:46:37,894 --> 00:46:39,494
lay down flat in your bed and your

1269
00:46:39,494 --> 00:46:40,235
com covers

1270
00:46:40,695 --> 00:46:43,010
and sheets feel perfect. It's the right temperature

1271
00:46:43,010 --> 00:46:45,269
and you stretch out. Like, that feeling

1272
00:46:45,730 --> 00:46:46,869
is what I'm getting

1273
00:46:47,250 --> 00:46:49,489
when I'm saying things like, whatever you want,

1274
00:46:49,489 --> 00:46:50,949
daddy. Right? Like,

1275
00:46:54,885 --> 00:46:56,585
that's what I'm saying. Okay.

1276
00:46:57,844 --> 00:46:59,684
Now do I think this is all I'm

1277
00:46:59,684 --> 00:47:00,965
ever gonna feel? Do I think this is

1278
00:47:00,965 --> 00:47:02,565
what I'm gonna feel always? No. Because at

1279
00:47:02,565 --> 00:47:04,405
a certain point, we will normalize it. Gonna

1280
00:47:04,405 --> 00:47:06,324
shift. Yeah. And there's gonna be other stuff

1281
00:47:06,324 --> 00:47:08,724
that comes up. And Right. There will probably

1282
00:47:08,724 --> 00:47:10,469
come a day and we're kind of doing

1283
00:47:10,469 --> 00:47:12,070
it, but not in a let's talk it

1284
00:47:12,070 --> 00:47:13,349
out and hash it out and plan it

1285
00:47:13,349 --> 00:47:15,030
kinda way. We'll we'll do new shit. Right?

1286
00:47:15,030 --> 00:47:15,750
Yeah. Like

1287
00:47:16,309 --> 00:47:18,070
and we I still think we I think

1288
00:47:18,070 --> 00:47:19,690
we're both in full agreement on this.

1289
00:47:19,989 --> 00:47:21,429
There was a time in the not too

1290
00:47:21,429 --> 00:47:22,809
distant past, we were adamant.

1291
00:47:23,190 --> 00:47:25,484
We would not we were not getting kinky

1292
00:47:25,484 --> 00:47:27,264
if we were not stone cold sober.

1293
00:47:27,964 --> 00:47:30,464
And in terms of, like, alcohol, yeah. Yeah.

1294
00:47:30,844 --> 00:47:33,005
My body's looser, but my ability to tell

1295
00:47:33,005 --> 00:47:35,984
you, that's actually a bad pain, gone.

1296
00:47:36,525 --> 00:47:38,159
But give me a fucking edible?

1297
00:47:38,699 --> 00:47:40,559
Let's talk about what we wanna do beforehand.

1298
00:47:40,619 --> 00:47:42,239
Okay. That's fine. That's fine.

1299
00:47:42,699 --> 00:47:44,300
But then I'm gonna get king corny, and

1300
00:47:44,300 --> 00:47:45,920
I don't think there's anything wrong.

1301
00:47:47,820 --> 00:47:48,719
It is helpful

1302
00:47:50,324 --> 00:47:51,465
to be king corny.

1303
00:47:52,965 --> 00:47:53,625
I don't

1304
00:47:53,925 --> 00:47:55,844
I don't know why I get Does anybody

1305
00:47:55,844 --> 00:47:57,684
believe that there was might hear that. Does

1306
00:47:57,684 --> 00:47:59,125
anybody believe that there was a time I

1307
00:47:59,125 --> 00:48:00,885
was a writer who was so prolific at

1308
00:48:00,885 --> 00:48:02,565
bought a fucking house? Because I don't think

1309
00:48:02,565 --> 00:48:04,889
so. Because I can't string two fucking words

1310
00:48:04,889 --> 00:48:06,250
together. I I don't know a better word

1311
00:48:06,250 --> 00:48:07,230
than King Corney.

1312
00:48:10,809 --> 00:48:12,889
Like, even that novelty of it will wear

1313
00:48:12,889 --> 00:48:14,889
off. But no. Like, we we have changed.

1314
00:48:14,889 --> 00:48:17,150
Like, nope. We call it being elevated.

1315
00:48:18,244 --> 00:48:20,485
Whether Jamie's smoking or I'm chewing on a

1316
00:48:20,485 --> 00:48:20,985
gummy.

1317
00:48:21,844 --> 00:48:24,265
Let me get kinky while I'm elevated. That's,

1318
00:48:24,324 --> 00:48:26,804
like, that's fucking delightful. And that's a shift

1319
00:48:26,804 --> 00:48:29,525
from, you know, not that long ago. But

1320
00:48:29,775 --> 00:48:30,275
because

1321
00:48:30,890 --> 00:48:33,469
we're just shifting and things are different and

1322
00:48:33,849 --> 00:48:36,329
Yeah. And that's always been true and that's

1323
00:48:36,329 --> 00:48:38,989
always going to be true. I think the

1324
00:48:40,250 --> 00:48:43,150
uniqueness of this moment is that we are

1325
00:48:44,090 --> 00:48:47,195
paying fucking attention to it. Well, you

1326
00:48:47,735 --> 00:48:48,635
know, I I

1327
00:48:50,135 --> 00:48:52,215
and I honestly don't know how true this

1328
00:48:52,215 --> 00:48:52,614
is.

1329
00:48:53,094 --> 00:48:55,335
Did not really dig into it too much,

1330
00:48:55,335 --> 00:48:56,075
but yet,

1331
00:48:56,695 --> 00:48:59,579
reading this article kinda made me go,

1332
00:49:00,300 --> 00:49:03,019
that kinda makes sense. And they were talking

1333
00:49:03,019 --> 00:49:03,920
about how

1334
00:49:04,619 --> 00:49:06,140
when you are under a lot of stress,

1335
00:49:06,140 --> 00:49:07,280
you have a lot of anxiety,

1336
00:49:07,660 --> 00:49:08,719
raises your cortisol

1337
00:49:09,019 --> 00:49:11,360
Cortisol, yeah. Levels. Mhmm.

1338
00:49:12,914 --> 00:49:13,414
Cortisol

1339
00:49:14,195 --> 00:49:16,695
apparently what this article said is

1340
00:49:17,155 --> 00:49:19,815
when you are in this cycle of anxiety

1341
00:49:19,875 --> 00:49:20,695
and your cortisol

1342
00:49:21,394 --> 00:49:21,894
levels

1343
00:49:22,275 --> 00:49:23,494
are continually spike,

1344
00:49:24,275 --> 00:49:24,775
it

1345
00:49:25,530 --> 00:49:28,250
is part of what can lead you to

1346
00:49:28,250 --> 00:49:29,230
make bad decisions.

1347
00:49:30,010 --> 00:49:31,690
Yeah. Because I haven't met a person yet

1348
00:49:31,690 --> 00:49:33,929
who's made real great decisions while they're peak

1349
00:49:33,929 --> 00:49:36,110
anxiety. Right. Just nope. Yeah.

1350
00:49:36,809 --> 00:49:37,309
So

1351
00:49:37,985 --> 00:49:39,364
and and, you know,

1352
00:49:39,664 --> 00:49:42,144
you you kind of experienced this the other

1353
00:49:42,144 --> 00:49:42,644
day,

1354
00:49:44,545 --> 00:49:46,085
because we were

1355
00:49:46,465 --> 00:49:47,445
talking about

1356
00:49:51,359 --> 00:49:52,500
sending the,

1357
00:49:52,880 --> 00:49:55,599
RAV off to its last final resting spot.

1358
00:49:55,599 --> 00:49:57,139
Yes. Okay. Yes.

1359
00:49:57,759 --> 00:49:58,259
And,

1360
00:49:58,559 --> 00:50:00,559
you know, then you were like, well, what

1361
00:50:00,559 --> 00:50:01,920
about this? What are we gonna do about

1362
00:50:01,920 --> 00:50:03,519
this? And and, you know, what do you

1363
00:50:03,519 --> 00:50:05,859
think about that? And I was like, no.

1364
00:50:06,324 --> 00:50:08,085
We're gonna take care of this. We're we're

1365
00:50:08,085 --> 00:50:10,105
gonna settle this. We're gonna get past this.

1366
00:50:10,244 --> 00:50:12,085
Once that is done, then we will have

1367
00:50:12,085 --> 00:50:14,085
in place to do that thing and we

1368
00:50:14,085 --> 00:50:15,765
will make the decision from there. And I

1369
00:50:15,765 --> 00:50:17,925
have to say that's been a delightful return

1370
00:50:17,925 --> 00:50:18,425
to

1371
00:50:18,724 --> 00:50:21,569
what I got used to. Yeah. Because you

1372
00:50:21,730 --> 00:50:23,250
yeah. You were able to think a few

1373
00:50:23,250 --> 00:50:25,509
steps ahead. You were able to be patient.

1374
00:50:26,049 --> 00:50:28,130
You could be worried about something, but you

1375
00:50:28,210 --> 00:50:28,710
it

1376
00:50:29,170 --> 00:50:31,429
it didn't necessarily drive every decision.

1377
00:50:31,969 --> 00:50:33,029
And yeah.

1378
00:50:33,625 --> 00:50:36,425
Choice decisions made based solely on the fear

1379
00:50:36,425 --> 00:50:38,184
you're feeling, I mean, they'll get you through

1380
00:50:38,184 --> 00:50:39,945
sometimes because sometimes that's all you can fucking

1381
00:50:39,945 --> 00:50:41,785
do is just make a decision and go

1382
00:50:41,785 --> 00:50:42,285
forth.

1383
00:50:42,585 --> 00:50:45,065
But, yeah, it's it becomes easier and less

1384
00:50:45,065 --> 00:50:46,289
fraught when you're not

1385
00:50:46,690 --> 00:50:48,530
terrified that you're gonna fuck up your whole

1386
00:50:48,530 --> 00:50:50,690
life. But I but I I also see

1387
00:50:50,690 --> 00:50:51,190
now,

1388
00:50:51,905 --> 00:50:54,230
you know, looking back

1389
00:50:54,610 --> 00:50:55,110
that,

1390
00:50:56,289 --> 00:50:57,269
you know, be

1391
00:50:57,650 --> 00:51:00,505
the the way things are happening, things in

1392
00:51:00,505 --> 00:51:02,045
my mind were snowballing.

1393
00:51:02,505 --> 00:51:04,505
Oh, yeah. They absolutely were. Oh, yeah. I'm

1394
00:51:04,505 --> 00:51:06,344
there with you. They they they were just

1395
00:51:06,344 --> 00:51:07,405
absolutely snowballing.

1396
00:51:08,025 --> 00:51:09,405
And and with that,

1397
00:51:10,344 --> 00:51:12,125
that was, you know, pulling me away

1398
00:51:13,530 --> 00:51:15,849
from from our DS because I'm, you know

1399
00:51:16,010 --> 00:51:17,710
You kinda had to. I Yeah.

1400
00:51:18,650 --> 00:51:19,150
And,

1401
00:51:20,250 --> 00:51:22,410
you know, I I look back now and

1402
00:51:22,410 --> 00:51:23,390
I I see

1403
00:51:24,410 --> 00:51:25,230
what that

1404
00:51:25,944 --> 00:51:28,444
did, how that took its toll. Mhmm.

1405
00:51:29,464 --> 00:51:30,684
And, you know,

1406
00:51:32,585 --> 00:51:33,085
for,

1407
00:51:33,944 --> 00:51:35,864
you know, a lot of reasons for for

1408
00:51:35,864 --> 00:51:37,704
our DS, for for just our lives in

1409
00:51:37,704 --> 00:51:40,204
general, I'm I'm I'm trying to

1410
00:51:41,670 --> 00:51:43,609
break away from that now. Oh, yeah.

1411
00:51:44,069 --> 00:51:46,869
You know? Absolute and and we have the

1412
00:51:46,869 --> 00:51:49,130
luxury to be able to do that. Yeah.

1413
00:51:50,150 --> 00:51:50,650
I

1414
00:51:51,670 --> 00:51:51,909
I

1415
00:51:52,949 --> 00:51:55,224
how do I say this? For anybody out

1416
00:51:55,224 --> 00:51:57,304
there who's ever had the thought of, shouldn't

1417
00:51:57,304 --> 00:51:59,385
I be able to maintain this intricate power

1418
00:51:59,385 --> 00:52:01,804
exchange through the shit show of life? No.

1419
00:52:01,864 --> 00:52:02,364
No.

1420
00:52:03,144 --> 00:52:03,885
Not necessarily.

1421
00:52:04,824 --> 00:52:06,284
Not well. Mm-mm.

1422
00:52:06,824 --> 00:52:07,144
We

1423
00:52:07,704 --> 00:52:09,085
I mean, some people do

1424
00:52:09,699 --> 00:52:10,199
perform

1425
00:52:10,739 --> 00:52:12,739
well under stress. Not long term or no?

1426
00:52:12,739 --> 00:52:14,420
No. No. No. No. The body can only

1427
00:52:14,420 --> 00:52:16,099
handle so much. True. True. True. And some

1428
00:52:16,099 --> 00:52:18,260
people will think they're performing well when actually

1429
00:52:18,420 --> 00:52:20,099
Yeah. You won't know until you're able to

1430
00:52:20,099 --> 00:52:21,860
look back. You'd be like, oh, shit. That

1431
00:52:21,860 --> 00:52:22,920
that wasn't great.

1432
00:52:24,420 --> 00:52:26,394
But I think that you know, there's no

1433
00:52:26,394 --> 00:52:28,234
universals. I know that. But one of the

1434
00:52:28,234 --> 00:52:29,614
more common things

1435
00:52:30,074 --> 00:52:30,574
that,

1436
00:52:31,434 --> 00:52:33,594
you know, anybody in any relationship, regardless of

1437
00:52:33,594 --> 00:52:36,014
flavor, is going to experience is that

1438
00:52:37,034 --> 00:52:39,434
life is gonna life, and you're gonna have

1439
00:52:39,434 --> 00:52:42,530
to make choices about how you navigate that.

1440
00:52:42,590 --> 00:52:43,809
And in Power Exchange,

1441
00:52:44,430 --> 00:52:46,590
we had an we made the choice together,

1442
00:52:46,590 --> 00:52:47,950
but we didn't talk about it. It was

1443
00:52:47,950 --> 00:52:49,410
very strange. By mutual

1444
00:52:50,190 --> 00:52:50,690
understanding,

1445
00:52:52,110 --> 00:52:54,224
we focused on the things that you could

1446
00:52:54,224 --> 00:52:55,045
put on,

1447
00:52:57,505 --> 00:52:58,724
what's the word I want?

1448
00:52:59,265 --> 00:52:59,765
Mhmm.

1449
00:53:00,065 --> 00:53:02,224
Like, make it automatic. There's a term I

1450
00:53:02,224 --> 00:53:03,905
want. I'm yes. I used to be a

1451
00:53:03,905 --> 00:53:04,724
writer, y'all.

1452
00:53:06,239 --> 00:53:07,920
Where you don't you're not thinking about it.

1453
00:53:07,920 --> 00:53:09,920
So for me, that was service. That was

1454
00:53:09,920 --> 00:53:12,159
routine. Service made me feel like I was

1455
00:53:12,159 --> 00:53:14,480
doing something in terms of the shitshow that

1456
00:53:14,480 --> 00:53:15,760
was our life. So if I could be

1457
00:53:15,760 --> 00:53:16,260
helpful,

1458
00:53:16,639 --> 00:53:18,559
then I was valuable. That's a thing I

1459
00:53:18,559 --> 00:53:20,079
need to take up with a therapist. I

1460
00:53:20,079 --> 00:53:20,579
know.

1461
00:53:22,175 --> 00:53:22,675
And

1462
00:53:23,215 --> 00:53:24,034
my impression

1463
00:53:24,335 --> 00:53:26,574
of what I think you were going through

1464
00:53:26,574 --> 00:53:28,734
from the outside looking in Mhmm. Was you

1465
00:53:28,734 --> 00:53:29,474
were trying

1466
00:53:31,054 --> 00:53:32,734
to get us through to the other side.

1467
00:53:32,734 --> 00:53:34,255
Like, everything else would be fine if we

1468
00:53:34,255 --> 00:53:35,789
could we could do the other shit if

1469
00:53:35,789 --> 00:53:37,070
we could just get to the other side

1470
00:53:37,070 --> 00:53:39,869
of whatever this was. Yeah. And so, no,

1471
00:53:39,869 --> 00:53:42,670
there was there was no mental capacity to

1472
00:53:42,670 --> 00:53:43,570
also then,

1473
00:53:44,430 --> 00:53:45,170
you know,

1474
00:53:45,789 --> 00:53:46,530
be devious

1475
00:53:46,829 --> 00:53:49,309
and sadistic and think of creative things. Because

1476
00:53:49,309 --> 00:53:51,875
the too too much brain function is being

1477
00:53:51,875 --> 00:53:53,875
used for other things. Right. That is true

1478
00:53:53,875 --> 00:53:54,375
for

1479
00:53:54,675 --> 00:53:56,434
almost all of us at some point and

1480
00:53:56,434 --> 00:53:57,474
in some way. I would that is a

1481
00:53:57,474 --> 00:53:59,074
thing I would say is gonna happen to

1482
00:53:59,074 --> 00:53:59,974
all of us.

1483
00:54:02,329 --> 00:54:04,969
For folks who are maybe in the middle

1484
00:54:04,969 --> 00:54:05,929
of it and you know you're in the

1485
00:54:05,929 --> 00:54:07,130
middle of it and you can't figure out

1486
00:54:07,130 --> 00:54:08,570
when you're gonna be on the other side

1487
00:54:08,570 --> 00:54:11,550
of it and making different decisions, you know,

1488
00:54:11,849 --> 00:54:13,550
anything you can put on,

1489
00:54:14,329 --> 00:54:15,610
repeat that you can just

1490
00:54:16,344 --> 00:54:17,324
Excuse me. Autopilot.

1491
00:54:17,625 --> 00:54:19,164
Thank you, Tayeshu. Autopilot.

1492
00:54:19,465 --> 00:54:20,765
You just put on autopilot

1493
00:54:21,625 --> 00:54:23,704
and let it kinda run-in the background, and

1494
00:54:23,704 --> 00:54:25,405
it doesn't take up as much brainpower,

1495
00:54:26,184 --> 00:54:26,844
or emotional

1496
00:54:27,224 --> 00:54:27,724
weight.

1497
00:54:28,389 --> 00:54:29,989
That you know, that's a way to get

1498
00:54:29,989 --> 00:54:31,590
through it. And then the thing I'm we've

1499
00:54:31,590 --> 00:54:33,690
said it before, but now we're experiencing it,

1500
00:54:33,989 --> 00:54:36,550
is the getting back into it when that

1501
00:54:36,550 --> 00:54:39,909
becomes an option. Right? Mhmm. It's it's slow,

1502
00:54:39,909 --> 00:54:41,574
and it's not even steady. I think it

1503
00:54:41,574 --> 00:54:43,894
does build momentum. So when we first started

1504
00:54:43,894 --> 00:54:46,215
talking about it in late December and we

1505
00:54:46,215 --> 00:54:47,655
realized we were both on the same page

1506
00:54:47,655 --> 00:54:49,815
and wanted the same thing Yeah. You know,

1507
00:54:49,815 --> 00:54:50,954
there's been fits

1508
00:54:51,494 --> 00:54:53,275
and starts, like, stop. Start.

1509
00:54:54,539 --> 00:54:55,820
And then what we'll get is, like, a

1510
00:54:55,820 --> 00:54:57,260
really good week where, man, we're on the

1511
00:54:57,260 --> 00:54:59,900
same page and every Everything just flows. Every

1512
00:54:59,900 --> 00:55:02,219
power exchange or fuckery moment leads to the

1513
00:55:02,219 --> 00:55:04,619
next one. Mhmm. And then because this is

1514
00:55:04,619 --> 00:55:06,619
the nature of what it means to try

1515
00:55:06,619 --> 00:55:09,335
to have power exchange in a real world,

1516
00:55:09,715 --> 00:55:11,635
you know, then there'll be something that comes

1517
00:55:11,635 --> 00:55:13,574
up that's gotta take your focus. And so

1518
00:55:13,635 --> 00:55:16,594
maybe we won't fuck around for a couple

1519
00:55:16,594 --> 00:55:17,735
more weeks, but

1520
00:55:18,114 --> 00:55:19,414
we will have the

1521
00:55:20,150 --> 00:55:21,690
knowledge and the memory

1522
00:55:22,630 --> 00:55:24,390
that we can do it. We did do

1523
00:55:24,390 --> 00:55:27,190
it. It still feels good. Mhmm. I think

1524
00:55:27,190 --> 00:55:29,030
that's that's the thing I would want for

1525
00:55:29,030 --> 00:55:31,349
anybody if you are getting and when you

1526
00:55:31,349 --> 00:55:32,950
can and if you are getting back to

1527
00:55:32,950 --> 00:55:35,485
whatever level of power exchange you've been missing

1528
00:55:35,485 --> 00:55:36,545
and and want back,

1529
00:55:37,244 --> 00:55:39,485
you know, familiarity is a a good thing

1530
00:55:39,485 --> 00:55:41,244
to go. Oh, yeah. I remember this. Right?

1531
00:55:41,244 --> 00:55:42,445
Because there's that fear of what if I

1532
00:55:42,445 --> 00:55:43,885
can't do this anymore? What if it's not

1533
00:55:43,885 --> 00:55:46,364
the same? What whatever your mind conjures up.

1534
00:55:46,364 --> 00:55:48,780
I think that muscle memory and familiarity is

1535
00:55:48,780 --> 00:55:49,760
important. And then

1536
00:55:50,300 --> 00:55:51,980
some people will feel both of these things,

1537
00:55:51,980 --> 00:55:53,660
and some will be like us and you

1538
00:55:53,660 --> 00:55:56,860
only feel one amongst other things. But I

1539
00:55:56,860 --> 00:55:59,599
think that feeling of comfort, of rightness, of

1540
00:56:00,385 --> 00:56:01,684
security and safety,

1541
00:56:02,465 --> 00:56:04,065
if that's what you feel, I think that's

1542
00:56:04,065 --> 00:56:05,445
a sign. Like, you're on

1543
00:56:05,905 --> 00:56:07,585
the right path. It doesn't mean your path

1544
00:56:07,585 --> 00:56:09,585
won't twist. I mean, the thing you thought

1545
00:56:09,585 --> 00:56:11,905
you tried last week, you thought you keep

1546
00:56:11,905 --> 00:56:13,425
doing you know, you won't have to shift

1547
00:56:13,425 --> 00:56:13,925
again.

1548
00:56:14,960 --> 00:56:17,519
It's such a strange thing because I didn't

1549
00:56:17,519 --> 00:56:18,980
think I was wired this way.

1550
00:56:19,440 --> 00:56:21,759
The only expectation I have in this is

1551
00:56:21,759 --> 00:56:22,259
that

1552
00:56:22,639 --> 00:56:24,799
we will keep moving forward and figuring this

1553
00:56:24,799 --> 00:56:26,719
out. I do not have an end goal

1554
00:56:26,719 --> 00:56:28,480
in mind. I do not have a state

1555
00:56:28,480 --> 00:56:30,000
of our power exchange and where it's supposed

1556
00:56:30,000 --> 00:56:32,414
to be. I don't have plans for other

1557
00:56:32,414 --> 00:56:34,094
than some things I wanna try. Right? Sure.

1558
00:56:34,094 --> 00:56:36,134
Because it'll be content as well as helpful

1559
00:56:36,134 --> 00:56:37,074
to our relationship.

1560
00:56:38,414 --> 00:56:40,275
You know, I don't there's no, like,

1561
00:56:40,894 --> 00:56:42,734
master plan of we have to do these

1562
00:56:42,734 --> 00:56:45,089
steps in this order and try these things

1563
00:56:45,089 --> 00:56:46,309
and achieve these

1564
00:56:46,690 --> 00:56:48,690
goals I just fucking made up and, you

1565
00:56:48,690 --> 00:56:50,609
know, there's none of that. It's just a

1566
00:56:51,049 --> 00:56:53,329
I'm for all that I'm not wired this

1567
00:56:53,329 --> 00:56:54,789
way at all,

1568
00:56:55,329 --> 00:56:56,710
I'm going with the flow.

1569
00:56:57,014 --> 00:56:58,614
And the cool thing is the thing that

1570
00:56:58,614 --> 00:56:59,275
I'm, like,

1571
00:56:59,894 --> 00:57:02,135
mind blown is I'm going with the flow

1572
00:57:02,135 --> 00:57:04,454
as the submissive. I'm going with the flow

1573
00:57:04,454 --> 00:57:04,954
in

1574
00:57:05,414 --> 00:57:07,914
I'm always seeking for ways to serve. Mhmm.

1575
00:57:08,855 --> 00:57:11,275
I love my daddy dom, my partner, my

1576
00:57:11,799 --> 00:57:13,420
fucking soulmate. Okay?

1577
00:57:14,039 --> 00:57:15,900
So I wanna be here that's easy,

1578
00:57:16,199 --> 00:57:19,000
but I am at a place and in

1579
00:57:19,000 --> 00:57:20,380
a mindset where

1580
00:57:20,760 --> 00:57:22,760
I can go with the flow because the

1581
00:57:22,760 --> 00:57:24,940
flow is named JB. Right? Like,

1582
00:57:25,414 --> 00:57:27,414
he's gonna set the pace for this. He's

1583
00:57:27,414 --> 00:57:27,914
gonna,

1584
00:57:28,295 --> 00:57:31,014
you know, he's gonna decide when he has

1585
00:57:31,014 --> 00:57:33,914
the capacity to be his devious dominant self.

1586
00:57:34,215 --> 00:57:35,734
And if I don't have the capacity at

1587
00:57:35,734 --> 00:57:37,014
that moment, I know I can say something,

1588
00:57:37,014 --> 00:57:40,230
but otherwise Yeah. Right? And because of the

1589
00:57:40,230 --> 00:57:42,090
nature of our relationship in general,

1590
00:57:42,390 --> 00:57:44,010
one of the things that has never

1591
00:57:44,309 --> 00:57:46,469
faltered or changed in all this is that

1592
00:57:46,469 --> 00:57:48,469
if I see something that I think we

1593
00:57:48,469 --> 00:57:49,590
need to think about this, we need to

1594
00:57:49,590 --> 00:57:51,510
talk about this, I'm always gonna go, hey.

1595
00:57:51,510 --> 00:57:53,015
I see that you're doing this. And can

1596
00:57:53,015 --> 00:57:54,795
we talk? Right? Like, that's always

1597
00:57:55,414 --> 00:57:58,795
available. That's always an option. And so therefore,

1598
00:57:59,335 --> 00:58:01,974
I can go with the flow. Right. And

1599
00:58:01,974 --> 00:58:04,855
I recognize that nothing about me screams a

1600
00:58:04,855 --> 00:58:06,700
person who goes with the flow. And in

1601
00:58:06,700 --> 00:58:08,000
any other part of life,

1602
00:58:08,460 --> 00:58:10,640
nope. I am the flow. Goddamn it.

1603
00:58:10,940 --> 00:58:12,960
You just broke your bitch from hell. Right.

1604
00:58:13,420 --> 00:58:13,920
But

1605
00:58:14,380 --> 00:58:16,860
the yeah. Like, I I can do this

1606
00:58:16,860 --> 00:58:17,260
because

1607
00:58:17,739 --> 00:58:19,420
I think because there's not supposed to be

1608
00:58:19,420 --> 00:58:20,594
an endpoint. Right?

1609
00:58:21,074 --> 00:58:23,474
This is this is just figuring out what

1610
00:58:23,474 --> 00:58:24,855
today's new normal

1611
00:58:25,394 --> 00:58:27,715
is, and it will hopefully be. And then

1612
00:58:27,715 --> 00:58:30,114
when that no longer serves us, we'll shift

1613
00:58:30,114 --> 00:58:32,375
again. And and then whatever tomorrow's

1614
00:58:32,755 --> 00:58:33,815
normal will be.

1615
00:58:34,755 --> 00:58:35,894
Yeah. Exactly.

1616
00:58:36,599 --> 00:58:37,099
Mhmm.

1617
00:58:38,920 --> 00:58:40,380
So, yeah, I'm feeling

1618
00:58:41,480 --> 00:58:42,460
a sense of comfort,

1619
00:58:43,640 --> 00:58:45,400
and I'm glad your muscle memory is kicking

1620
00:58:45,400 --> 00:58:47,099
again. I I knew

1621
00:58:47,400 --> 00:58:48,840
we were on the right track when you

1622
00:58:49,000 --> 00:58:50,519
when we were talk kinda just talking about

1623
00:58:50,519 --> 00:58:52,704
it between us, not for, like, an episode.

1624
00:58:52,704 --> 00:58:54,405
We're just talking about how we were feeling.

1625
00:58:54,625 --> 00:58:55,984
And you were like, yeah. Sometimes I just

1626
00:58:55,984 --> 00:58:57,824
find myself thinking, oh, I could do this.

1627
00:58:57,824 --> 00:58:59,664
And I was like, oh, yeah. He's coming

1628
00:58:59,664 --> 00:59:00,164
back.

1629
00:59:01,105 --> 00:59:03,264
That's the JV I know and remember. Yeah.

1630
00:59:03,264 --> 00:59:05,639
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Mhmm. And, you know,

1631
00:59:05,639 --> 00:59:07,719
that's that's been that you know, part of

1632
00:59:07,719 --> 00:59:09,260
that's been nice to kind of rediscover

1633
00:59:10,199 --> 00:59:12,839
parts of ourself. Because even before Shitshow of

1634
00:59:12,839 --> 00:59:13,339
Life,

1635
00:59:14,280 --> 00:59:16,460
there were things that were becoming

1636
00:59:17,494 --> 00:59:19,655
mundane. They were becoming routine. It's just kind

1637
00:59:19,655 --> 00:59:21,914
of what one of us did.

1638
00:59:22,535 --> 00:59:23,035
And

1639
00:59:24,375 --> 00:59:27,494
now because there's more conscious thought behind it

1640
00:59:27,974 --> 00:59:29,035
Mhmm. And

1641
00:59:29,589 --> 00:59:31,109
because we went without it for so long,

1642
00:59:31,109 --> 00:59:33,109
we can actually celebrate it and notice it

1643
00:59:33,109 --> 00:59:34,650
and go, oh, yeah.

1644
00:59:36,309 --> 00:59:38,250
And I think that's been helpful too. Yeah.

1645
00:59:38,550 --> 00:59:39,050
Absolutely.

1646
00:59:39,670 --> 00:59:40,170
Absolutely.

1647
00:59:40,550 --> 00:59:42,789
So, yeah, for anybody who is maybe starting

1648
00:59:42,789 --> 00:59:45,085
this process or hoping to be able to

1649
00:59:45,085 --> 00:59:47,485
get back into your power exchange in whatever

1650
00:59:47,485 --> 00:59:48,945
way, in the future,

1651
00:59:49,805 --> 00:59:51,325
I want to give you hope that I

1652
00:59:51,325 --> 00:59:53,164
don't know what your path will look like.

1653
00:59:53,164 --> 00:59:54,925
I don't know how you'll manage it and

1654
00:59:54,925 --> 00:59:56,385
what will happen for you, but

1655
00:59:57,164 --> 00:59:57,664
yeah.

1656
00:59:58,199 --> 01:00:00,280
You know, I think it's it's possible. There's

1657
01:00:00,280 --> 01:00:02,280
gotta be the intentionality. It's gotta be the

1658
01:00:02,280 --> 01:00:05,000
right people together. Right? There's gonna be a

1659
01:00:05,000 --> 01:00:05,900
a mesh there.

1660
01:00:07,320 --> 01:00:08,663
But yeah. Mhmm. Highly recommend. Mhmm. 10 out

1661
01:00:08,663 --> 01:00:10,215
of 10. There you go. I'm

1662
01:00:10,614 --> 01:00:12,795
Mhmm. 10 out of 10. There you go.

1663
01:00:15,015 --> 01:00:16,215
So I guess we can do a bonus

1664
01:00:16,215 --> 01:00:18,055
section now. Okay. So are we good? That

1665
01:00:18,055 --> 01:00:19,434
is not for me to say.

1666
01:00:20,375 --> 01:00:22,375
Keep it kinky, y'all. I will see you

1667
01:00:22,375 --> 01:00:23,195
next time.

1668
01:00:32,260 --> 01:00:32,760
Dottie.

1669
01:00:33,780 --> 01:00:35,460
Yes, baby girl. Can I talk to the

1670
01:00:35,460 --> 01:00:37,780
crickets, please? Yes. I don't know what I

1671
01:00:37,780 --> 01:00:38,934
want to talk about. Do you have anything

1672
01:00:38,934 --> 01:00:40,954
you wanna talk about? Well, you just said

1673
01:00:41,175 --> 01:00:42,855
I want I know. I misspoke. I should've

1674
01:00:42,855 --> 01:00:45,175
said we. Right. Right. I'm I'm So now

1675
01:00:45,175 --> 01:00:46,234
it's all on you.

1676
01:00:49,815 --> 01:00:50,875
I got nothing.

1677
01:00:51,414 --> 01:00:52,375
This is the first

1678
01:00:53,094 --> 01:00:54,440
I wanna go back and look at our

1679
01:00:54,440 --> 01:00:56,679
family calendar. I think this is the first

1680
01:00:56,679 --> 01:00:57,179
week

1681
01:00:58,359 --> 01:00:59,900
of the year so far

1682
01:01:00,519 --> 01:01:02,679
that we haven't had a whole lot going

1683
01:01:02,679 --> 01:01:05,239
on. Right. Yeah. No. No crazy. No,

1684
01:01:06,174 --> 01:01:08,335
we're not full of appointments. No. And and

1685
01:01:08,335 --> 01:01:10,255
here's the thing that annoys me about that.

1686
01:01:10,255 --> 01:01:12,094
Instead of taking advantage of that and going,

1687
01:01:12,094 --> 01:01:13,694
man, let me make some to do list.

1688
01:01:13,694 --> 01:01:15,635
I'll get a whole bunch of stuff done.

1689
01:01:15,855 --> 01:01:17,714
No. I have procrastinated

1690
01:01:18,519 --> 01:01:21,160
and just fallen the fuck apart and not

1691
01:01:21,160 --> 01:01:23,099
actually, like, known what to prioritize

1692
01:01:23,559 --> 01:01:25,340
and have just been lost

1693
01:01:26,039 --> 01:01:26,860
and unproductive.

1694
01:01:29,239 --> 01:01:30,220
It's very annoying.

1695
01:01:30,680 --> 01:01:32,300
That's all I'm saying. It's very annoying.

1696
01:01:34,824 --> 01:01:36,824
Oh, Tayshia's got a question. What are the

1697
01:01:36,824 --> 01:01:39,065
numbers JB, usually writes down at the end

1698
01:01:39,065 --> 01:01:40,204
of the live feed?

1699
01:01:40,585 --> 01:01:42,425
So I know exactly where the break is

1700
01:01:42,425 --> 01:01:44,045
from the end of the podcast.

1701
01:01:44,425 --> 01:01:46,985
The audio file? Yeah. The audio file audio

1702
01:01:46,985 --> 01:01:48,199
file. So,

1703
01:01:48,659 --> 01:01:50,659
yeah. I know where the where the where

1704
01:01:50,659 --> 01:01:52,659
the break is so I know where to

1705
01:01:52,659 --> 01:01:54,980
edit and put the music in. Yes. So

1706
01:01:54,980 --> 01:01:57,139
as I've been learning how to edit for

1707
01:01:57,139 --> 01:01:58,440
JB's bedtime stories,

1708
01:01:59,619 --> 01:02:02,920
I've learned some interesting things. And I don't

1709
01:02:04,065 --> 01:02:06,385
blame JB for not doing this. On our

1710
01:02:06,385 --> 01:02:08,704
shorter episodes, our Monday episodes, he'll go through

1711
01:02:08,704 --> 01:02:09,364
and he'll

1712
01:02:10,385 --> 01:02:13,344
edit more heavily the episode, take out some

1713
01:02:13,344 --> 01:02:14,885
umms and ahs, take out some

1714
01:02:15,184 --> 01:02:16,644
uncomfortably long pauses.

1715
01:02:17,239 --> 01:02:19,640
But these episodes are so long

1716
01:02:20,039 --> 01:02:21,960
No. That No. He does not do that.

1717
01:02:21,960 --> 01:02:23,500
I I did that in the beginning.

1718
01:02:24,039 --> 01:02:25,639
In the very beginning, when I used to

1719
01:02:25,639 --> 01:02:27,420
edit, I used I used to do,

1720
01:02:27,880 --> 01:02:30,460
you know, edit with a fine tooth comb.

1721
01:02:31,025 --> 01:02:32,785
And then when it got to be the

1722
01:02:32,785 --> 01:02:34,325
both of us and

1723
01:02:34,704 --> 01:02:36,485
episodes started getting longer

1724
01:02:37,105 --> 01:02:39,125
and longer Mhmm. And longer.

1725
01:02:39,425 --> 01:02:40,945
I'm like, no. I I can't I can't

1726
01:02:41,025 --> 01:02:42,385
I do not have the time to keep

1727
01:02:42,385 --> 01:02:44,625
doing that. So yeah. Other than an obvious

1728
01:02:44,625 --> 01:02:46,144
thing where we've talked about it, like, when

1729
01:02:46,144 --> 01:02:47,630
there's a tech issue on the livestream

1730
01:02:48,089 --> 01:02:50,730
and it jumbles the Mhmm. Podcast for some

1731
01:02:50,730 --> 01:02:53,210
reason, we'll make note of those time stamps

1732
01:02:53,210 --> 01:02:55,130
so he can cut those parts out. Right.

1733
01:02:55,130 --> 01:02:57,130
But on these long episodes, he just needs

1734
01:02:57,130 --> 01:02:57,789
to know

1735
01:02:58,409 --> 01:02:58,909
what,

1736
01:02:59,875 --> 01:03:01,255
where did we stop

1737
01:03:01,555 --> 01:03:04,515
for the audio intro, which is separate from

1738
01:03:04,515 --> 01:03:06,295
the YouTube intro. Mhmm.

1739
01:03:06,675 --> 01:03:08,994
And then where did we stop for the

1740
01:03:08,994 --> 01:03:11,715
bonus section? Yeah. Yeah. It's it's a a

1741
01:03:11,715 --> 01:03:12,775
neat little, like,

1742
01:03:13,409 --> 01:03:15,730
you know, inside baseball kind of thing. Mhmm.

1743
01:03:15,730 --> 01:03:17,089
But now that I kinda know how I

1744
01:03:17,089 --> 01:03:18,769
mean, there are there probably ways I could

1745
01:03:18,769 --> 01:03:20,530
do it with the software? Yeah. If if

1746
01:03:20,530 --> 01:03:22,530
I sat down and probably, you know, looked

1747
01:03:22,530 --> 01:03:24,069
into it to see what I can do,

1748
01:03:24,369 --> 01:03:27,089
absolutely. But, I've been doing it now this

1749
01:03:27,089 --> 01:03:29,644
way so long. I do. Well and and

1750
01:03:29,644 --> 01:03:31,664
also, it's already a little

1751
01:03:32,045 --> 01:03:33,505
sketchy to be for

1752
01:03:34,204 --> 01:03:35,964
mostly him, but for both of us, kind

1753
01:03:35,964 --> 01:03:37,105
of, to be watching

1754
01:03:37,724 --> 01:03:38,464
live chat,

1755
01:03:38,925 --> 01:03:39,824
camera livestream,

1756
01:03:40,364 --> 01:03:42,420
and audio. It's like, let's not add too

1757
01:03:42,420 --> 01:03:44,260
too many more functions to this. Too many

1758
01:03:44,260 --> 01:03:47,139
levels. Yeah. Like, whatever you can get into

1759
01:03:47,139 --> 01:03:48,760
a routine of easily doing

1760
01:03:49,380 --> 01:03:51,859
and managing it. That that that's bay basically,

1761
01:03:51,859 --> 01:03:53,539
in a nutshell, that's what it is. I'm

1762
01:03:53,539 --> 01:03:56,824
I'm marking down certain points in the, audio

1763
01:03:56,824 --> 01:03:58,505
recording so I can quickly go back to

1764
01:03:58,505 --> 01:03:59,244
it. Mhmm.

1765
01:04:00,664 --> 01:04:03,144
Mhmm. And podcast listeners are like, I see

1766
01:04:03,144 --> 01:04:05,224
nothing, know nothing, probably don't even hear any

1767
01:04:05,224 --> 01:04:06,984
of this. No. Thank y'all for going on

1768
01:04:06,984 --> 01:04:08,125
that journey with us.

1769
01:04:09,400 --> 01:04:12,280
It's for the podcast, but y'all never get

1770
01:04:12,280 --> 01:04:14,119
to actually watch it happen. It's such that's

1771
01:04:14,119 --> 01:04:15,820
such a strange thing. Yeah.

1772
01:04:16,280 --> 01:04:16,780
So,

1773
01:04:17,719 --> 01:04:19,239
I think I'll be seeing the 19 year

1774
01:04:19,239 --> 01:04:21,260
old at some point this week.

1775
01:04:21,559 --> 01:04:22,059
Mhmm.

1776
01:04:23,264 --> 01:04:24,484
His meds

1777
01:04:24,784 --> 01:04:26,944
or his prescription medication needs to be picked

1778
01:04:26,944 --> 01:04:29,184
up at from our pharmacy because there's something

1779
01:04:29,184 --> 01:04:31,105
weird going on with the fucking pharmacy, and

1780
01:04:31,105 --> 01:04:33,105
it's a pain in everybody's ass. So I

1781
01:04:33,105 --> 01:04:35,184
need to bring him his prescription meds because

1782
01:04:35,184 --> 01:04:36,704
he needs them, and we don't want him

1783
01:04:36,704 --> 01:04:37,444
to go without.

1784
01:04:38,989 --> 01:04:40,289
But he also keeps getting

1785
01:04:40,670 --> 01:04:43,409
fucked over in the Adderall shortages that continue

1786
01:04:43,550 --> 01:04:44,130
to happen.

1787
01:04:46,190 --> 01:04:47,869
But I don't know if I'm going, like,

1788
01:04:47,869 --> 01:04:50,349
literally driving to town, throwing his meds out

1789
01:04:50,349 --> 01:04:52,769
the window at him and driving back, or

1790
01:04:53,295 --> 01:04:55,795
if I'm going and we're running errands together,

1791
01:04:56,255 --> 01:04:58,275
I'm waiting. I'm waiting to hear back. Yeah.

1792
01:04:58,414 --> 01:05:00,734
Yeah. He's a he's a very busy guy.

1793
01:05:00,734 --> 01:05:02,114
And so this

1794
01:05:02,815 --> 01:05:05,054
Monday through Thursday, he basically has fourteen hour

1795
01:05:05,054 --> 01:05:06,755
days just for school stuff.

1796
01:05:07,820 --> 01:05:09,900
So it'll probably be, like, very late tonight

1797
01:05:09,900 --> 01:05:11,739
before I even hear from him. And then

1798
01:05:11,739 --> 01:05:13,420
he's got a after this week, he's got

1799
01:05:13,420 --> 01:05:14,079
a performance

1800
01:05:14,619 --> 01:05:15,519
every week,

1801
01:05:16,699 --> 01:05:18,719
like, the next three or four weeks.

1802
01:05:20,380 --> 01:05:21,485
Yeah. So So

1803
01:05:23,704 --> 01:05:25,545
And and Tayu said, yeah. It's like Dan

1804
01:05:25,545 --> 01:05:27,945
Rather signing off. Yeah. Pretty much. Or or

1805
01:05:27,945 --> 01:05:30,265
Carol Burnett when she used to cover you.

1806
01:05:30,265 --> 01:05:32,025
It's why we do leave in the keep

1807
01:05:32,025 --> 01:05:34,589
it kinky part. Like, we could we could

1808
01:05:34,589 --> 01:05:36,670
create we could not do a transition or

1809
01:05:36,670 --> 01:05:38,269
we could record that and have you just

1810
01:05:38,269 --> 01:05:40,690
add it in to the podcast. Mhmm.

1811
01:05:41,549 --> 01:05:43,469
And we did that in the podcast. And

1812
01:05:43,469 --> 01:05:45,069
we did for the stream as well, but

1813
01:05:45,069 --> 01:05:46,670
time stamps make it a little easier for

1814
01:05:46,670 --> 01:05:47,730
people watching video

1815
01:05:48,109 --> 01:05:50,505
to make it clear to to to listeners

1816
01:05:50,644 --> 01:05:51,385
that, okay.

1817
01:05:51,925 --> 01:05:52,425
The

1818
01:05:53,284 --> 01:05:54,905
sure, air quote, educational,

1819
01:05:55,684 --> 01:05:58,244
informative part of the episode is over. We're

1820
01:05:58,244 --> 01:06:00,644
gonna go into the bullshit part now. If

1821
01:06:00,644 --> 01:06:02,965
you need to skip out, cool cool. Right?

1822
01:06:02,965 --> 01:06:04,800
Like and and that's just a thing we

1823
01:06:04,800 --> 01:06:07,539
never we've never changed either. True. The,

1824
01:06:08,160 --> 01:06:09,700
intro that I read for the

1825
01:06:10,320 --> 01:06:13,039
audio podcast, there have been some tweaks to

1826
01:06:13,039 --> 01:06:15,680
it. Like, when we wanna shift what social

1827
01:06:15,680 --> 01:06:18,405
media we're promoting or, like I'm not mentioning

1828
01:06:18,405 --> 01:06:20,324
Twitter anymore because I kept our name there.

1829
01:06:20,324 --> 01:06:22,344
I didn't want anybody else getting it, but

1830
01:06:22,885 --> 01:06:24,565
we Yeah. We we are not active on

1831
01:06:24,565 --> 01:06:26,184
Twitter. Oh, god. No.

1832
01:06:26,724 --> 01:06:29,765
I deleted my accounts. Yeah. I kept our

1833
01:06:29,765 --> 01:06:32,369
brand accounts just for the name, not for

1834
01:06:32,369 --> 01:06:33,829
the for anything else. Mhmm.

1835
01:06:35,089 --> 01:06:36,949
So we've made shifts, but, like, the

1836
01:06:37,250 --> 01:06:39,650
first two or three sentences, maybe, I'd have

1837
01:06:39,650 --> 01:06:42,070
to go look, of the podcast audio intro.

1838
01:06:43,135 --> 01:06:45,555
I that is from 2015

1839
01:06:45,934 --> 01:06:48,095
when I was googling how do you start

1840
01:06:48,095 --> 01:06:48,835
a podcast.

1841
01:06:50,255 --> 01:06:51,695
If anybody wants to know how to start

1842
01:06:51,695 --> 01:06:53,135
a podcast, that's what the fuck you do.

1843
01:06:53,135 --> 01:06:55,679
You Google how to start a podcast. There

1844
01:06:55,679 --> 01:06:57,440
will be information. And I was working off

1845
01:06:57,440 --> 01:06:58,339
of 2015

1846
01:06:58,559 --> 01:06:59,059
information,

1847
01:06:59,920 --> 01:07:01,519
and they would say, okay. You're gonna need

1848
01:07:01,519 --> 01:07:02,880
to write an intro and you and this

1849
01:07:02,880 --> 01:07:04,880
was best practices at the time. You know,

1850
01:07:04,880 --> 01:07:06,159
you want it to kinda be the same

1851
01:07:06,159 --> 01:07:08,394
and so people kinda, like, get the memory

1852
01:07:08,394 --> 01:07:09,994
of, oh, I know who I'm listening to,

1853
01:07:09,994 --> 01:07:12,074
whatever whatever. And so then I did not

1854
01:07:12,074 --> 01:07:13,594
trust myself to know what the fuck to

1855
01:07:13,594 --> 01:07:15,775
say in an intro like that,

1856
01:07:16,394 --> 01:07:17,934
that I wanted to be consistent.

1857
01:07:18,315 --> 01:07:20,154
So then I googled, how do you write

1858
01:07:20,154 --> 01:07:21,534
a podcast intro?

1859
01:07:23,099 --> 01:07:25,519
And I read, like, four or five.

1860
01:07:25,900 --> 01:07:26,720
And I went,

1861
01:07:27,180 --> 01:07:28,619
okay. You say things like this, you say

1862
01:07:28,780 --> 01:07:30,160
and I have never

1863
01:07:30,460 --> 01:07:31,680
changed that part.

1864
01:07:33,739 --> 01:07:34,239
So

1865
01:07:34,860 --> 01:07:35,360
yeah.

1866
01:07:36,300 --> 01:07:36,800
Yeah.

1867
01:07:38,714 --> 01:07:40,234
So there there you go. There's a little

1868
01:07:40,234 --> 01:07:42,074
bit of the Yeah. How the sausage is

1869
01:07:42,074 --> 01:07:43,694
made. The behind the scenes

1870
01:07:45,034 --> 01:07:47,114
Mhmm. Mhmm. Archives. Yeah. I do every time

1871
01:07:47,114 --> 01:07:48,554
I read the intro, when I see the

1872
01:07:48,554 --> 01:07:50,474
stuff that is literally from ten years ago,

1873
01:07:50,474 --> 01:07:52,690
I'm like, should I update that?

1874
01:07:53,150 --> 01:07:55,150
I don't know. I don't know what I

1875
01:07:55,150 --> 01:07:56,989
should do. And then I forget about it

1876
01:07:56,989 --> 01:07:59,089
until the next week when I forget.

1877
01:08:03,389 --> 01:08:05,010
Oh god. Yeah. It's

1878
01:08:07,364 --> 01:08:07,864
it's

1879
01:08:08,405 --> 01:08:09,385
it's so strange.

1880
01:08:13,445 --> 01:08:14,425
What else?

1881
01:08:14,804 --> 01:08:15,945
What else? Well,

1882
01:08:18,725 --> 01:08:19,784
I I had posted,

1883
01:08:20,484 --> 01:08:21,225
some pictures

1884
01:08:23,130 --> 01:08:25,710
a little bit ago on, our Discord,

1885
01:08:26,569 --> 01:08:28,909
of something that I purchased. Mhmm.

1886
01:08:29,289 --> 01:08:29,789
Mhmm.

1887
01:08:31,050 --> 01:08:31,710
I have,

1888
01:08:33,529 --> 01:08:34,989
gotten myself another

1889
01:08:36,824 --> 01:08:38,045
motorish cycle.

1890
01:08:38,664 --> 01:08:40,345
Yeah. Not quite the two wheeled car. No.

1891
01:08:40,345 --> 01:08:42,125
It's not it's not the two wheel type.

1892
01:08:44,024 --> 01:08:46,284
It's a it's a three wheel. Mhmm.

1893
01:08:46,744 --> 01:08:47,145
And,

1894
01:08:47,780 --> 01:08:49,320
it's a 2011

1895
01:08:49,539 --> 01:08:50,360
Can Am.

1896
01:08:51,220 --> 01:08:53,220
Yep. I mean, it it's it's got some

1897
01:08:53,220 --> 01:08:54,579
parts where you're like, oh, yeah. That's older.

1898
01:08:54,579 --> 01:08:56,420
But it when you're standing back, it's it

1899
01:08:56,420 --> 01:08:58,340
looks sharp. It looks really sharp. Mhmm.

1900
01:08:58,820 --> 01:09:00,979
I will not be getting on it until

1901
01:09:00,979 --> 01:09:03,614
you are comfortable and you are confident again.

1902
01:09:03,614 --> 01:09:03,694
Mhmm.

1903
01:09:05,375 --> 01:09:07,055
Things we he and I have not talked

1904
01:09:07,055 --> 01:09:09,375
about too in-depth, and I we've probably only

1905
01:09:09,375 --> 01:09:10,755
slightly mentioned it even

1906
01:09:11,454 --> 01:09:12,255
in Patreon,

1907
01:09:12,655 --> 01:09:14,015
but a thing that is a very real

1908
01:09:14,015 --> 01:09:15,774
thing that neither one of us was prepared

1909
01:09:15,774 --> 01:09:17,460
for. The last time he was on a

1910
01:09:17,460 --> 01:09:18,819
motorcycle was when he was hit by a

1911
01:09:18,819 --> 01:09:20,760
literal fucking car. Yeah. Right?

1912
01:09:21,219 --> 01:09:22,679
So there was not an

1913
01:09:23,139 --> 01:09:24,199
a moment from

1914
01:09:24,500 --> 01:09:27,699
that point to buying the Can Am where

1915
01:09:27,699 --> 01:09:28,899
he had to get back on a motorcycle

1916
01:09:28,899 --> 01:09:30,340
and deal with the anxiety. No. And I

1917
01:09:30,340 --> 01:09:31,885
didn't have to deal with the anxiety. So

1918
01:09:31,885 --> 01:09:33,564
when did we deal with the anxiety? The

1919
01:09:33,564 --> 01:09:36,305
Dave bought the bike. Driving it home.

1920
01:09:37,244 --> 01:09:37,744
Yeah.

1921
01:09:38,204 --> 01:09:40,685
I'm doing Yeah. The the person I bought

1922
01:09:40,685 --> 01:09:42,064
it from was very generous.

1923
01:09:42,845 --> 01:09:45,500
The the bike was registered and everything.

1924
01:09:46,280 --> 01:09:47,819
He followed me home.

1925
01:09:48,280 --> 01:09:48,780
Mhmm.

1926
01:09:49,399 --> 01:09:50,840
Got the bike home and then he took

1927
01:09:50,840 --> 01:09:53,000
the plate and and, you know, went his

1928
01:09:53,000 --> 01:09:53,500
way.

1929
01:09:54,520 --> 01:09:55,819
That ride was very

1930
01:09:57,484 --> 01:10:00,125
tense for me. For me too. Different reasons

1931
01:10:00,125 --> 01:10:01,024
for me too.

1932
01:10:03,164 --> 01:10:04,864
Yeah. Having not been on a bike,

1933
01:10:05,804 --> 01:10:07,404
you know, for a number of years and

1934
01:10:07,404 --> 01:10:07,904
then

1935
01:10:09,850 --> 01:10:11,369
kind of just be, okay. There you go.

1936
01:10:11,369 --> 01:10:12,970
You gotta, you know You haven't done this

1937
01:10:12,970 --> 01:10:14,810
since you got hit by a car. Go

1938
01:10:14,810 --> 01:10:16,670
for it and do it. So,

1939
01:10:17,449 --> 01:10:19,130
yeah. It it it was a it was

1940
01:10:19,130 --> 01:10:21,390
a little stressful to say the least.

1941
01:10:22,655 --> 01:10:24,815
And I've, you know, since then I've been

1942
01:10:24,815 --> 01:10:26,275
going out. I have not been

1943
01:10:27,695 --> 01:10:30,195
doing a lot of riding, but,

1944
01:10:30,735 --> 01:10:32,895
right now I'm keeping it, to the neighborhood

1945
01:10:32,895 --> 01:10:34,815
and side streets and just getting comfortable with

1946
01:10:34,815 --> 01:10:36,239
it. It is very different,

1947
01:10:36,619 --> 01:10:38,699
having two wheels in the front and and

1948
01:10:38,699 --> 01:10:39,199
steering.

1949
01:10:40,380 --> 01:10:42,220
So after the accident

1950
01:10:43,260 --> 01:10:46,539
I think after the first real bad back

1951
01:10:46,539 --> 01:10:48,965
problem you had after the accident, which is

1952
01:10:49,045 --> 01:10:51,524
I still don't understand how you went through

1953
01:10:51,524 --> 01:10:53,045
that accident and did not fuck up your

1954
01:10:53,045 --> 01:10:55,064
back. Right. I know. Still the miracle.

1955
01:10:55,685 --> 01:10:58,324
But the first time your back just fucked

1956
01:10:58,324 --> 01:11:00,024
you over post accident,

1957
01:11:00,724 --> 01:11:01,465
you were

1958
01:11:01,930 --> 01:11:03,770
con on the way to convincing yourself you'd

1959
01:11:03,770 --> 01:11:06,810
never ride again. And Not. And you and

1960
01:11:06,810 --> 01:11:08,729
part of what started the shit show of

1961
01:11:08,729 --> 01:11:10,329
our lives, but also it was happening in

1962
01:11:10,329 --> 01:11:12,350
the middle was this accident, which came,

1963
01:11:14,010 --> 01:11:15,229
on the heels of

1964
01:11:16,015 --> 01:11:18,574
the youngest accident. No. Before. Before. Like, all

1965
01:11:18,574 --> 01:11:20,015
this was kinda hap but other things are

1966
01:11:20,015 --> 01:11:22,335
happening, and it was life was crazy. And

1967
01:11:22,335 --> 01:11:23,855
the promise I made to him was I

1968
01:11:23,855 --> 01:11:24,835
did not care

1969
01:11:25,375 --> 01:11:26,655
how we had to do it or when

1970
01:11:26,655 --> 01:11:27,614
we would do it, but he would get

1971
01:11:27,614 --> 01:11:29,215
a bike again. Well, then his back went

1972
01:11:29,215 --> 01:11:30,675
out real bad. Yeah.

1973
01:11:31,340 --> 01:11:33,340
And he was on the road to convincing

1974
01:11:33,340 --> 01:11:34,779
himself he'd never get on a bike again.

1975
01:11:34,779 --> 01:11:35,760
And I went, wait.

1976
01:11:36,139 --> 01:11:37,899
Yeah. Yeah. Two wheels, maybe not. That's a

1977
01:11:37,899 --> 01:11:39,979
lot of balance. That's a lot of but

1978
01:11:39,979 --> 01:11:42,460
why not three? And so you've probably spent

1979
01:11:42,460 --> 01:11:44,639
the past two years more

1980
01:11:44,939 --> 01:11:45,645
just researching

1981
01:11:46,524 --> 01:11:48,604
what your options were. I've always loved that

1982
01:11:48,604 --> 01:11:50,524
about you. When when you are at, like,

1983
01:11:50,524 --> 01:11:52,204
your peak in your prime, and I don't

1984
01:11:52,204 --> 01:11:53,904
mean age wise. I mean, like, mentally

1985
01:11:54,284 --> 01:11:56,364
Mhmm. I don't have to research a thing

1986
01:11:56,364 --> 01:11:58,380
that you wanna do. I just wait for

1987
01:11:58,380 --> 01:11:59,739
you to come tell me which one is

1988
01:11:59,739 --> 01:12:02,060
the best. And I fucking love that we're

1989
01:12:02,060 --> 01:12:03,820
getting back to that too. Okay? That takes

1990
01:12:03,820 --> 01:12:05,760
a lot of time off of me.

1991
01:12:08,460 --> 01:12:08,960
So

1992
01:12:11,020 --> 01:12:11,520
yeah.

1993
01:12:12,140 --> 01:12:12,640
Yeah.

1994
01:12:14,114 --> 01:12:14,514
And,

1995
01:12:15,474 --> 01:12:17,014
yeah. Just got a new helmet.

1996
01:12:17,554 --> 01:12:18,054
Mhmm.

1997
01:12:19,395 --> 01:12:21,335
Kayla has a new helmet on the wing.

1998
01:12:21,395 --> 01:12:23,795
I know it has butterflies on it. I

1999
01:12:23,795 --> 01:12:26,114
could we one thing we did take away

2000
01:12:26,114 --> 01:12:26,934
from the accident

2001
01:12:28,309 --> 01:12:30,469
is, helmets that don't just cover the top

2002
01:12:30,469 --> 01:12:31,449
of our skull,

2003
01:12:32,149 --> 01:12:33,829
they cover more of our face and our

2004
01:12:33,829 --> 01:12:34,789
head and our ears.

2005
01:12:35,109 --> 01:12:36,949
And I could not find a good one

2006
01:12:36,949 --> 01:12:37,449
that

2007
01:12:37,989 --> 01:12:39,270
was one I was willing to wear that

2008
01:12:39,270 --> 01:12:41,590
was had enough coverage that also had purple

2009
01:12:41,590 --> 01:12:42,630
in it. Well, that was a price I

2010
01:12:42,630 --> 01:12:44,297
was willing willing to pay. If I if

2011
01:12:44,297 --> 01:12:46,364
we were gonna pay 500 fucking dollars, I'm

2012
01:12:46,364 --> 01:12:46,864
not.

2013
01:12:47,804 --> 01:12:49,505
But I did find one that had butterflies.

2014
01:12:49,965 --> 01:12:51,264
Damn. I know.

2015
01:12:51,885 --> 01:12:52,784
Very excited.

2016
01:12:54,524 --> 01:12:54,844
So

2017
01:12:57,750 --> 01:12:58,250
Anyhoo.

2018
01:12:58,949 --> 01:13:01,430
Yeah. I think that's that's a big enough

2019
01:13:01,430 --> 01:13:03,670
thing. Lola is snoring like she just got

2020
01:13:03,670 --> 01:13:05,930
off an overnight double shift. Yep.

2021
01:13:07,030 --> 01:13:08,869
She's oh, she's out. Her eyes are actually

2022
01:13:08,869 --> 01:13:10,949
closed while she's sleeping. Mhmm. I'm very proud

2023
01:13:10,949 --> 01:13:12,274
of her for that. I

2024
01:13:12,654 --> 01:13:14,354
know. Right? But are her ears down?

2025
01:13:15,215 --> 01:13:17,314
Not the one. The one is a little

2026
01:13:17,935 --> 01:13:19,875
Yeah. A little up. Mhmm.

2027
01:13:20,574 --> 01:13:22,814
Yeah. If she's if she's sleeping but that

2028
01:13:22,814 --> 01:13:24,800
ear is up, she's still in listening mode.

2029
01:13:24,800 --> 01:13:26,479
Oh, yeah. Yeah. It would not take much

2030
01:13:26,479 --> 01:13:28,560
to get her attention. No. No. It would

2031
01:13:28,560 --> 01:13:29,060
not.

2032
01:13:30,560 --> 01:13:33,039
Anyhoo. Anyway It's been great hanging with you

2033
01:13:33,039 --> 01:13:34,720
folks today. It has. But it is. It

2034
01:13:34,720 --> 01:13:37,760
is Florida is Florida ing and it's like

2035
01:13:37,760 --> 01:13:40,375
80 some odd degrees. 86 degrees today. Some

2036
01:13:40,375 --> 01:13:41,275
fucking bullshit.

2037
01:13:41,895 --> 01:13:43,414
But, yeah, some of y'all are getting snow,

2038
01:13:43,414 --> 01:13:45,015
and so I'll keep my 80 some odd

2039
01:13:45,015 --> 01:13:45,994
degrees in sunshine

2040
01:13:46,295 --> 01:13:48,215
because I don't want snow. According to the,

2041
01:13:48,454 --> 01:13:50,395
weather report I saw yesterday,

2042
01:13:51,000 --> 01:13:54,039
by this weekend, temperatures will plummet. Yep. And

2043
01:13:54,119 --> 01:13:56,039
That was how they put it. Temperatures will

2044
01:13:56,039 --> 01:13:58,219
plummet. Plumb it is so relative.

2045
01:13:59,159 --> 01:14:01,079
I was so excited when I saw it

2046
01:14:01,079 --> 01:14:02,774
because it means we're gonna go back down

2047
01:14:02,935 --> 01:14:05,034
into our highs being in the sixties,

2048
01:14:05,734 --> 01:14:08,375
and this sweaty lady just fucking loves that

2049
01:14:08,375 --> 01:14:08,875
shit.

2050
01:14:09,734 --> 01:14:10,715
Oh my god.

2051
01:14:13,094 --> 01:14:15,114
Yeah. Thank god I'm not, like,

2052
01:14:16,109 --> 01:14:17,010
looking for,

2053
01:14:17,469 --> 01:14:17,969
another

2054
01:14:18,429 --> 01:14:20,270
partner because I would not know how to

2055
01:14:20,270 --> 01:14:22,210
to sell that. Like, look,

2056
01:14:22,670 --> 01:14:24,369
I'm gonna have boob sweat.

2057
01:14:24,909 --> 01:14:27,229
I'm gonna be cranky. I will forget things

2058
01:14:27,229 --> 01:14:29,469
the moment you tell me. Then I'm a

2059
01:14:29,469 --> 01:14:31,085
total catch because

2060
01:14:31,784 --> 01:14:33,784
I'm good at sucking dick. I don't like,

2061
01:14:33,784 --> 01:14:35,065
I just don't think that's the

2062
01:14:36,345 --> 01:14:38,525
I just don't think that's the selling point.

2063
01:14:40,425 --> 01:14:40,925
Yeah.

2064
01:14:41,864 --> 01:14:42,925
You never know.

2065
01:14:43,729 --> 01:14:44,869
Anyway Anyhoo.

2066
01:14:46,850 --> 01:14:48,550
I'm sure everybody was, like,

2067
01:14:48,850 --> 01:14:50,449
really wanting to know all that. You know?

2068
01:14:50,449 --> 01:14:53,329
Right. Mhmm. Mhmm. If I can't overshare here

2069
01:14:53,329 --> 01:14:55,029
on the Internet, where can I?

2070
01:14:55,965 --> 01:14:57,965
Okay. We're gonna go. Thanks for being with

2071
01:14:57,965 --> 01:15:00,305
us. Thanks especially to the bitter fucking end.

2072
01:15:01,164 --> 01:15:02,685
And we will be with you all next

2073
01:15:02,685 --> 01:15:04,064
week. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

2074
01:15:04,445 --> 01:15:04,945
Bye.