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You're listening to Loving BDSM podcast episode four

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twenty eight. Kayla Lords here with the one,

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the only, the oh my god. You're so

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fucking frustrating, but I love you, John Brownstone.

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That's me. Yeah. In a nutshell. Uh-huh. And

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and it's on theme for today's time.

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You know that works both ways. Right? You

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know, I'm a giver. I,

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I just

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wanna give you everything you need, you want,

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and things you think you don't I never

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even knew I'm And the things you think

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you don't need or want, but they really

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are good for you.

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Mhmm. Sure.

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On with the show. You know what? This

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actually is in line with today's episode.

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You're right. That's a sad news. We

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know that we could use some lighthearted moments

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right now as the world burns around us,

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but

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but and not but. And we thought you

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could too.

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So let's talk about the nonserious,

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silly.

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They're not really arguments. It's not really conflict,

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but it's Poignments.

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It's it's the push and pull and small

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frustrations,

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that I have found in power exchange specific

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to power exchange.

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These are not this is not arguments I

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would get into with anybody.

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That one.

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Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this

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is your first time listening, glad to have

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you. If you're back for another week, welcome

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back. Loving BDSM is produced every Monday and

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Friday for your kinky pleasure and education, and

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show notes are found at lovingBDSM.net.

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Come back often and feel free to add

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the podcast to your favorite podcast app. You

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can also follow the show on FetLife at

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loving BDSM PC. That PC stands for podcast,

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y'all. On Instagram and technically threads at that

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handle I will forever fucking hate.

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Loving d s and the number one. So

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it's at loving d s one.

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On blue sky, at lovingBDSM.

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All the stuff they put in handles.

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If you just search, lovingBDSM,

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we'll show up. Or on YouTube at youtube.com/lovingBDSM

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where you can watch us live from the

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podcast every Wednesday. All links are in the

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show notes.

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Okay. Looking good. Hopefully, no more technical issues

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for the podcast. Okay. So,

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the main and the only and the most

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important,

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announcement is just a reminder

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that we are still in our 2025

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Patreon membership drive. Why do I give so

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much time? Because people have money come in

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and out at really weird times, and I

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wanna give everybody an opportunity. But as of

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the date of recording,

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February 5, there are ten days left if

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you wanna take advantage of the membership drive.

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So why should you join,

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during the membership drive? Well, if you are

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a member as of February 15

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at 11:59PM

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eastern

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when the drive ins,

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you will receive,

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something

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extra and special,

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for being a member during the membership drive.

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If you are in the 2 and $5

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tiers,

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you will get at no charge the brand

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new

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communication and power exchange workbook that I am

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still working on.

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Won't have been released yet. You won't have

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to pay anything extra for it. You'll just

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get it. And, actually, everybody gets that because

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if you're in the $10 tier,

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you get that, but you also get

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our tenth anniversary

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exclusive

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enamel pin, pin, p I n, pin.

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We're actually going to place that order probably

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this week. Mhmm. I'm having to do estimates

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based on how many folks there are, but

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I'm not gonna be mad if I have

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to put in a separate order, y'all. Like,

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a second one. It'll be okay.

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But we're getting that early because

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I don't know if where we get our

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pins made, they're having to change some things

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because, you

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know,

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countries are in trade wars right now.

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So and a lot of things come from

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China. So that'll be interesting. So,

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yeah, we're gonna try and get that those

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ordered, but that is your opportunity if you

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join during the membership drive. The other perk

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potentially of joining during the membership drive,

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is you can get two months free if

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you sign up as an annual member, which

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means you pay once and they get access

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for a year.

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The two months free is you you pay

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for ten months, you get twelve months of

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access.

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Everybody who joins our Patreon gets access to

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our Discord server,

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gets

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you can join us in game night or

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movie night. We alternate each month between one

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of those.

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And we do a behind the scenes podcast

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episode each month where this year, we're focusing

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on our power exchange and how things are

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developing.

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It's a little bit more personal. There might

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be things we don't share that we wouldn't

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share here Mhmm.

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That we would share there. If you join

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at the $5 tier, you get access to

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JB reading bedtime stories and me learning how

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to edit podcasts.

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The first, the first episode,

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of that came out at the very January.

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It was very short that we are hoping

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they'll be longer,

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but, but, yeah, that that's happening. And then

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if you're in the $10

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tier,

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you get access to every digital workbook, planner

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sheet, coloring book product that we ever make

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at no additional charge.

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So

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link is in the places. Mhmm.

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That's all I can think to say about

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that. We hope you can join us. If

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you're able, we we understand.

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If you are not able to do that,

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like, that's not in your budget, dude, we

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get it.

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If you ever wanna just, like, help out

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the channel, help us out, help us keep

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being weirdos on the Internet who try to

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help other kinksters,

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just share, like,

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an episode that helped you or, you know,

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mention us to your kink friends or whatever,

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and that is truly, truly helpful. So

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that's all I have to say about that.

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K.

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And we will get into

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what I hope

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is,

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a lighthearted episode because I think we could

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all use it. I think we could all

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use it. It's a little chaotic out there.

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So,

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these are not I call them conflicts. I

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call them arguments. They're really, really not. When

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we're talking about them amongst ourselves, I say

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that we're fussing at one another because I'm

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Southern and that's a term we use as

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fussing. Okay?

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Yes. It is.

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They are never

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at the level of genuine frustration, like, we

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have to go into separate rooms and cool

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off. No. Typically,

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when

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often it's me, but not always. One of

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us breaks the tension. We end up laughing

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at ourselves because we're being silly.

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But I have

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noticed

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that there are at least two that feel

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very much, like, power exchange y.

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I'm sure it can transfer to other types

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of relationships. I'm sure it does. But these,

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for me, are very specific to our power

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exchange.

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And I just thought we'd talk about it.

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We'd, you know, dissect it a little bit

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because I like to do things like that.

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Because I am a weirdo on the Internet

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with a microphone.

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And we'll just keep it light. It hell,

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this might be a short I might have

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everything I need to say in twenty minutes.

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I don't know. I might go two hours.

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May the odds be ever in your favor.

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I don't know.

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I did,

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man got a pillow. Do I take a

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nap? You're part of the conversation. Are we

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gonna do one of these silly little conflicts

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in front of everybody?

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That's one. That's one

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where I feel like I have to be

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a little not assertive. That's where not aggressive.

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Assertive. And he just laughs. And then I

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get, like, am I coming across as too

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assertive? This was not in my notes, but

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they were like, am I being too assertive?

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He's laughing. So clearly, I was not. But

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also,

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I I don't I'm not comfortable talking to

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anybody like that. But also now I'm frustrated

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because, come on, could we

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do we get the same fate?

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Go ahead.

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So I did try to take notes because

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these happen

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at really random times and relatively infrequently. So

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they're not top of mind. They're not super

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we're not, like, having, like, a a check-in

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with one another after these. Like, it's not

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it's just it's not to that level. It

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is just

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people being silly. So let's let's do the

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first one that actually inspired

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The this. Okay.

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Alright.

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So we're we're talking about a thing. It

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could be picking a movie to watch. It

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could be where do we wanna go for

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lunch. It could be a thing we're going

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to do. Okay?

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And we each

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have

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a different

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like, we would each choose something different.

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But JB is the decider.

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And so I do a thing that I

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don't know if y'all ever seen me do

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before. I'm sure you haven't.

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I interrupt him while he's trying to tell

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me what he's decided

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because another thought popped up.

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And he takes that information in really fast

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and then

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clearly changes his mind. Clearly, like, he was

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gonna say a and now I added this

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thought, he's gonna say b.

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D.

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No. You haven't done that yet. You're about

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to see some silly conflict because he is

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clearly in a mood.

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Okay. So he was gonna say a. I

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interrupted,

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blurted out

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some new information about what I was thinking

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about, what I wanted. So he changes his

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what was gonna be choice a to choice

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b in my favor,

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and my brain can't handle it. So I'm

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like, no. But what do you want? And

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he goes, we're gonna do this. I'm like,

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yeah, but you're choosing that for me. What

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do you want? Because I don't actually care.

272
00:09:45,394 --> 00:09:47,095
If I cared, I would have said, hey,

273
00:09:47,315 --> 00:09:48,914
please can we do this thing? I don't

274
00:09:48,914 --> 00:09:50,595
care what the outcome is. What do you

275
00:09:50,595 --> 00:09:51,095
want?

276
00:09:51,554 --> 00:09:53,649
And he goes, well, this is fine. And

277
00:09:53,649 --> 00:09:55,490
anybody who knows what I'm about to say,

278
00:09:55,490 --> 00:09:58,149
you know. This is fine is,

279
00:09:58,529 --> 00:09:59,190
to me,

280
00:09:59,570 --> 00:10:00,389
code for,

281
00:10:01,649 --> 00:10:03,409
I guess I'll live with it. I didn't

282
00:10:03,409 --> 00:10:05,829
get what I wanted, but it's fine.

283
00:10:06,945 --> 00:10:09,904
And my submissive self cannot handle it. So

284
00:10:09,904 --> 00:10:11,425
then we end up, I think five minutes

285
00:10:11,425 --> 00:10:13,985
last time, going back and forth. Now, could

286
00:10:13,985 --> 00:10:14,485
JB

287
00:10:15,264 --> 00:10:17,925
shut it down with one dumb look

288
00:10:18,305 --> 00:10:20,325
and an exasperated tone?

289
00:10:20,705 --> 00:10:23,029
Yes, he could. If he got, like, genuinely

290
00:10:23,169 --> 00:10:24,769
serious with me, he could he would hurt

291
00:10:24,769 --> 00:10:26,389
my feelings, but he could shut it down.

292
00:10:26,769 --> 00:10:28,769
But I don't know if you're having a

293
00:10:28,769 --> 00:10:30,789
good time in these interactions.

294
00:10:31,250 --> 00:10:33,410
I don't know if you're letting off some

295
00:10:33,410 --> 00:10:35,889
of your own steam and frustration, but we

296
00:10:35,889 --> 00:10:38,044
genuinely went back and forth, back and forth.

297
00:10:38,264 --> 00:10:38,764
And

298
00:10:39,225 --> 00:10:41,164
I just kept going, but I want whatever

299
00:10:41,225 --> 00:10:43,144
you want. Let me give you what you

300
00:10:43,144 --> 00:10:44,424
want. And what I want is what you

301
00:10:44,424 --> 00:10:45,945
want, damn it. Except that's not what he

302
00:10:45,945 --> 00:10:47,725
said. He just kept going, but it's fine.

303
00:10:48,105 --> 00:10:49,085
It's fine.

304
00:10:49,784 --> 00:10:52,799
It's not fine. What do you want,

305
00:10:53,360 --> 00:10:56,500
my darling daddy dom, who is the decider

306
00:10:56,639 --> 00:10:57,779
of all things?

307
00:10:58,879 --> 00:11:01,279
And, yes, anybody who's about to, like, try

308
00:11:01,279 --> 00:11:03,279
to talk sense over here. Of course, if

309
00:11:03,279 --> 00:11:04,639
he said that's what he wanted, then that's

310
00:11:04,639 --> 00:11:06,393
what he wanted because he's the decider. I

311
00:11:06,393 --> 00:11:08,601
know. But I'm also paying enough attention to

312
00:11:08,601 --> 00:11:10,810
know he changed his mind and I want

313
00:11:10,810 --> 00:11:13,018
him to get exactly what he wants. I

314
00:11:13,018 --> 00:11:15,226
do not want to be an influence on

315
00:11:15,226 --> 00:11:17,435
that. Except in the times I do want

316
00:11:17,435 --> 00:11:19,643
to influence it. This isn't one of those

317
00:11:19,643 --> 00:11:21,200
times. How how do those

318
00:11:22,959 --> 00:11:25,759
I sound like a crazy person whatever. I

319
00:11:25,759 --> 00:11:28,159
know. You are. I am. Part of my

320
00:11:28,159 --> 00:11:28,659
charm.

321
00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:32,000
When we're in those moments Mhmm. How are

322
00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:34,245
you feeling? What are you thinking? What's going

323
00:11:34,245 --> 00:11:36,004
through your work? Oh, I love it. Do

324
00:11:36,004 --> 00:11:38,804
you? I'm almost in tears sometimes. I'm so

325
00:11:39,284 --> 00:11:41,284
I'm not frustrated in an angry way, but

326
00:11:41,284 --> 00:11:43,365
I'm like a I just wanna do it,

327
00:11:43,365 --> 00:11:44,804
you know. I know this is probably gonna

328
00:11:44,804 --> 00:11:46,164
drive you nuts when I say it, but

329
00:11:46,164 --> 00:11:47,764
I feel when when the when we're doing

330
00:11:47,764 --> 00:11:49,600
that, when we're Mhmm. I'm I'm in my

331
00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:50,100
element.

332
00:11:51,039 --> 00:11:52,500
That makes sense. It well,

333
00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:55,360
is it your dom element, your sadist element,

334
00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:57,779
or your bratty element? All of the above.

335
00:11:58,639 --> 00:12:00,480
Oh my god. All of the above. Because

336
00:12:00,480 --> 00:12:01,840
when we're in the in that kind of

337
00:12:01,840 --> 00:12:04,154
mode, I can exercise all those things. So

338
00:12:04,154 --> 00:12:06,955
you Okay. You can see my brain melting

339
00:12:06,955 --> 00:12:09,061
down over its fine and you can just

340
00:12:09,061 --> 00:12:10,475
keep it safe. How far can I get

341
00:12:10,475 --> 00:12:11,295
it to melt?

342
00:12:18,700 --> 00:12:19,200
So

343
00:12:19,820 --> 00:12:21,340
we haven't talked about this in, I think,

344
00:12:21,340 --> 00:12:22,240
probably years.

345
00:12:22,700 --> 00:12:24,940
But what I'm hearing is I keep being

346
00:12:24,940 --> 00:12:27,340
mind fucked and not knowing I'm mind fucked.

347
00:12:27,340 --> 00:12:29,740
And now I'm being I'm realizing in this

348
00:12:29,740 --> 00:12:31,440
moment with an audience

349
00:12:32,355 --> 00:12:35,335
that you mind fuck me in these situations.

350
00:12:36,154 --> 00:12:36,654
You

351
00:12:37,475 --> 00:12:39,875
look so proud of yourself. You look so

352
00:12:39,875 --> 00:12:40,774
proud of yourself.

353
00:12:43,955 --> 00:12:46,375
Oh my god. Oh my god.

354
00:12:47,950 --> 00:12:49,389
So what would I have to do for

355
00:12:49,389 --> 00:12:50,830
you to know you've gone too far? Do

356
00:12:50,830 --> 00:12:52,190
I need to, like I would not because

357
00:12:52,190 --> 00:12:54,029
I can't and I but I have to,

358
00:12:54,029 --> 00:12:55,710
like, break down in tears when I have

359
00:12:55,710 --> 00:12:58,049
to get legitimately angry? Safe word.

360
00:12:59,375 --> 00:13:02,115
What? You should've, like, sent me a memo.

361
00:13:05,375 --> 00:13:05,534
So

362
00:13:07,975 --> 00:13:08,475
I

363
00:13:10,414 --> 00:13:12,720
mean, so when you tell me it's fine,

364
00:13:12,720 --> 00:13:14,879
you know, it's the it's fine is making

365
00:13:14,879 --> 00:13:16,580
me crazy. Of course.

366
00:13:18,159 --> 00:13:19,059
Okay. So

367
00:13:20,559 --> 00:13:22,659
thinking back to that last little

368
00:13:23,279 --> 00:13:26,054
back and forth. Right? Mhmm. That silly little

369
00:13:26,054 --> 00:13:27,514
conflict that wasn't really conflict.

370
00:13:28,534 --> 00:13:30,475
What did you actually genuinely

371
00:13:30,934 --> 00:13:33,014
want in that like, did you want the

372
00:13:33,014 --> 00:13:35,754
suggestion I made? Or were you so ambivalent

373
00:13:35,894 --> 00:13:38,054
to either one? It was like, oh, this

374
00:13:38,054 --> 00:13:39,595
is an opportunity to have fun.

375
00:13:40,620 --> 00:13:42,080
No. I I actually

376
00:13:45,019 --> 00:13:46,720
I actually did want

377
00:13:47,179 --> 00:13:48,080
what you wanted

378
00:13:48,460 --> 00:13:50,799
at the time. You couldn't just tell me?

379
00:13:52,220 --> 00:13:54,000
I got to mind fuck me.

380
00:13:55,034 --> 00:13:56,394
Come on. It was a lot more fun

381
00:13:56,394 --> 00:13:57,774
that way. Oh, bro.

382
00:13:58,475 --> 00:14:00,654
We have room. For you.

383
00:14:02,235 --> 00:14:03,134
For you.

384
00:14:04,875 --> 00:14:06,174
I'm so glad

385
00:14:06,634 --> 00:14:08,394
I could be a source of fun and

386
00:14:08,394 --> 00:14:11,009
amuse it for you. I live to serve.

387
00:14:11,009 --> 00:14:12,549
I live to serve.

388
00:14:13,009 --> 00:14:15,169
I live. Hey. To serve. For all the

389
00:14:15,169 --> 00:14:15,669
grief

390
00:14:16,370 --> 00:14:17,589
that you give me.

391
00:14:19,009 --> 00:14:20,289
I mean, I'm not gonna say I don't

392
00:14:20,289 --> 00:14:22,949
give you grief. Yeah. But my grief comes

393
00:14:23,009 --> 00:14:23,534
in a

394
00:14:24,095 --> 00:14:26,014
in a, ultimately, you're gonna get what you

395
00:14:26,014 --> 00:14:29,134
want. I'm trying to, like, nudge that's the

396
00:14:29,134 --> 00:14:30,574
second one we're about to do. I'm trying

397
00:14:30,574 --> 00:14:32,355
to nudge you to that point. Yeah.

398
00:14:33,054 --> 00:14:33,554
So

399
00:14:36,029 --> 00:14:37,549
before I knew I was being mind fucked

400
00:14:37,709 --> 00:14:39,409
here's the thing. I have no doubt

401
00:14:39,870 --> 00:14:42,209
that minimum half the people listening

402
00:14:42,589 --> 00:14:44,909
went, he's mind fucking her the moment I

403
00:14:44,909 --> 00:14:47,070
described it and explained it. I just need

404
00:14:47,070 --> 00:14:48,589
to know that some people out there did

405
00:14:48,589 --> 00:14:48,790
not know until he admitted it, so I

406
00:14:48,790 --> 00:14:48,909
know I'm not alone. Okay? We've talked about

407
00:14:48,909 --> 00:14:49,409
that

408
00:14:49,845 --> 00:14:50,345
God

409
00:15:01,125 --> 00:15:01,634
you are who you are, and our relationship

410
00:15:01,634 --> 00:15:02,370
is what it is. Because I believe every

411
00:15:04,929 --> 00:15:07,089
Because I believe every word that comes out

412
00:15:07,089 --> 00:15:09,190
of your mouth. The only time I don't

413
00:15:09,250 --> 00:15:11,589
is if I see the sadistic little sparkle

414
00:15:11,649 --> 00:15:13,089
in your eye and I go, wait. Are

415
00:15:13,089 --> 00:15:14,309
you fucking with me?

416
00:15:14,825 --> 00:15:16,424
But he tells me a thing and I

417
00:15:16,424 --> 00:15:17,325
go, clearly,

418
00:15:17,784 --> 00:15:19,865
that is fact. And I will, you know,

419
00:15:19,865 --> 00:15:22,264
I will deal with that information however I

420
00:15:22,264 --> 00:15:24,284
deal with it. It literally

421
00:15:24,585 --> 00:15:27,865
never fucking occurs to me that you are

422
00:15:27,865 --> 00:15:28,259
mind

423
00:15:28,740 --> 00:15:29,720
fucking me. Never.

424
00:15:30,820 --> 00:15:31,320
Never.

425
00:15:32,820 --> 00:15:36,019
Never. I am the little duckling following him

426
00:15:36,019 --> 00:15:39,220
wherever what whatever path we're fucking on. I

427
00:15:39,220 --> 00:15:40,820
mean, until I veer off the path and

428
00:15:40,820 --> 00:15:42,340
he's like, get your ass back here or

429
00:15:42,340 --> 00:15:43,399
follows me. But

430
00:15:43,845 --> 00:15:45,044
you know what I meant.

431
00:15:46,004 --> 00:15:47,764
Because when when I before I knew I

432
00:15:47,764 --> 00:15:49,444
was being mind fucked, I was thinking of

433
00:15:49,444 --> 00:15:52,404
it, from my perspective at least, as I

434
00:15:52,404 --> 00:15:54,725
desperately want to give you what you want.

435
00:15:54,725 --> 00:15:56,584
Mhmm. And I feel

436
00:15:57,279 --> 00:15:58,419
like I am somehow

437
00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:01,299
not doing that. Oh, but you are.

438
00:16:01,919 --> 00:16:02,659
Now I know.

439
00:16:03,279 --> 00:16:04,500
Now I know.

440
00:16:06,159 --> 00:16:07,059
Oh my god.

441
00:16:09,440 --> 00:16:10,980
I am so glad I could be

442
00:16:11,875 --> 00:16:14,514
both a source of amusement for you and

443
00:16:14,514 --> 00:16:17,254
for everybody else out there going, oh, lord.

444
00:16:17,794 --> 00:16:19,894
I can't wish you didn't see that one.

445
00:16:22,274 --> 00:16:23,414
Oh my god.

446
00:16:25,169 --> 00:16:27,250
So for anybody who's like, how can I

447
00:16:27,250 --> 00:16:28,610
don't like to do this and how can

448
00:16:28,610 --> 00:16:30,929
I be, you know, my bratty self or

449
00:16:30,929 --> 00:16:33,090
my sadistic self as a dumb without, like,

450
00:16:33,090 --> 00:16:35,090
doing things I don't wanna do? This. This.

451
00:16:35,090 --> 00:16:36,465
Just mind fuck your partner.

452
00:16:36,945 --> 00:16:38,725
Just fucking mind fuck them

453
00:16:39,184 --> 00:16:41,264
with their own my trust in you is

454
00:16:41,264 --> 00:16:43,524
what allows you to mind fuck me. Yes.

455
00:16:43,585 --> 00:16:46,085
My absolute, utter belief in you.

456
00:16:46,785 --> 00:16:49,184
Mhmm. Oh, yeah. And you have no complexion.

457
00:16:49,184 --> 00:16:50,610
You're like, yeah. I know. I'm using that

458
00:16:50,610 --> 00:16:54,654
to my phone. Yeah. So x in the

459
00:16:54,660 --> 00:16:55,160
livestream

460
00:16:55,673 --> 00:16:59,718
I'm gonna read what Silent said earlier because

461
00:16:59,724 --> 00:17:03,769
that was on point too. But x said

462
00:17:03,775 --> 00:17:06,414
in the livestream, desperately trying to give him

463
00:17:06,414 --> 00:17:07,795
what he wants while simultaneously

464
00:17:08,255 --> 00:17:10,035
getting him exactly what he wants.

465
00:17:12,975 --> 00:17:13,475
Yeah.

466
00:17:14,734 --> 00:17:16,654
Goddamn it. No. But Silent, thank you. This

467
00:17:16,654 --> 00:17:19,240
is a wonderful description. Silent in the livestream

468
00:17:19,240 --> 00:17:21,099
chat. So there are two crows in Kayla's

469
00:17:21,160 --> 00:17:22,839
brain. One is a people pleaser and the

470
00:17:22,839 --> 00:17:25,400
other has ADHD, and they cannot stop screaming

471
00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:27,240
at each other. And then she goes, and

472
00:17:27,240 --> 00:17:29,000
clearly JB is standing between them with a

473
00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:31,559
bag of peanuts. Peanut. Peanut pew. Peanut pew.

474
00:17:31,559 --> 00:17:31,964
Peanut pew. Peanut

475
00:17:39,565 --> 00:17:41,484
I'm not what I'm about to say, I'm

476
00:17:41,484 --> 00:17:43,325
not saying to take away your fun. Have

477
00:17:43,325 --> 00:17:45,389
your fucking fun. Here's here's the thing. Here's

478
00:17:45,389 --> 00:17:47,069
here's what will happen. We will have this

479
00:17:47,069 --> 00:17:47,569
conversation.

480
00:17:47,869 --> 00:17:50,190
I feel away right now. Foolish is what

481
00:17:50,190 --> 00:17:50,769
I feel.

482
00:17:51,629 --> 00:17:52,909
And and it's funny, and I know it

483
00:17:52,909 --> 00:17:54,589
is. And then give it a week or

484
00:17:54,589 --> 00:17:56,429
two, we will be in that same back

485
00:17:56,429 --> 00:17:57,169
and forth.

486
00:17:58,544 --> 00:18:00,625
I'll just be frustrated going, but I wanna

487
00:18:00,625 --> 00:18:02,464
give you what you want. And he'll go,

488
00:18:02,464 --> 00:18:04,464
but that's fine. Just to watch me get

489
00:18:04,464 --> 00:18:06,224
spun up. I will forget. I will forget

490
00:18:06,224 --> 00:18:08,464
every time. Folks, how many years have we

491
00:18:08,464 --> 00:18:10,940
been sitting in front of these mics? Ten.

492
00:18:11,159 --> 00:18:11,659
Okay.

493
00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:13,960
And and how many Nine and a half.

494
00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:16,380
How many times how many times

495
00:18:17,240 --> 00:18:18,839
have I said I live for that back

496
00:18:18,839 --> 00:18:20,919
and forth between us? But you speak to

497
00:18:20,919 --> 00:18:23,079
me. You say words to me about your

498
00:18:23,079 --> 00:18:24,220
wants or your

499
00:18:24,544 --> 00:18:27,444
thoughts or your beliefs or your I believe

500
00:18:27,664 --> 00:18:28,164
you

501
00:18:29,825 --> 00:18:30,884
without question.

502
00:18:32,384 --> 00:18:34,304
If you keep like, if you were looking

503
00:18:34,304 --> 00:18:35,285
at me like that,

504
00:18:35,984 --> 00:18:38,065
podcast listeners, I wish you could've seen that

505
00:18:38,065 --> 00:18:40,419
little sparkle in his eye. It was a

506
00:18:40,419 --> 00:18:41,480
devious sparkle.

507
00:18:42,099 --> 00:18:44,139
If you look at me like that Mhmm.

508
00:18:44,419 --> 00:18:44,919
Yes.

509
00:18:45,619 --> 00:18:46,919
I'm gonna go wait.

510
00:18:47,220 --> 00:18:49,299
Something's up here. He's having way too much

511
00:18:49,299 --> 00:18:51,619
fun. But have you ever noticed I'm sure

512
00:18:51,619 --> 00:18:52,980
you have. Maybe I should learn to play

513
00:18:52,980 --> 00:18:54,045
poker. Probably.

514
00:18:54,605 --> 00:18:56,365
Well, I don't know. You get proud of

515
00:18:56,365 --> 00:18:57,805
yourself when the evil glint will be in

516
00:18:57,805 --> 00:18:59,164
your eye. That's true. I'm not sure you

517
00:18:59,164 --> 00:19:01,085
have. You do with me, but I think

518
00:19:01,085 --> 00:19:02,625
you have a poker face with me because

519
00:19:03,164 --> 00:19:05,404
I'm not always paying that much attention. I'm

520
00:19:05,404 --> 00:19:07,559
doing several things at once. My mind is

521
00:19:07,559 --> 00:19:08,859
in several places at

522
00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:10,940
once.

523
00:19:11,240 --> 00:19:13,160
But I think that's the other part. When

524
00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:14,839
we start having these back and forths of

525
00:19:14,839 --> 00:19:16,279
what do you wanna do, what do you

526
00:19:16,440 --> 00:19:18,940
like, make a decision between a and b,

527
00:19:19,559 --> 00:19:21,259
and I clearly want b,

528
00:19:22,075 --> 00:19:24,075
and I don't know that you clearly want

529
00:19:24,075 --> 00:19:26,075
b either. You're fucking with me. I'm usually

530
00:19:26,075 --> 00:19:28,335
doing something else. Mhmm. And so I'm not

531
00:19:28,394 --> 00:19:30,154
focusing on you until I get to that

532
00:19:30,154 --> 00:19:32,414
point of frustration. Do you remember? I swiveled

533
00:19:32,475 --> 00:19:34,349
my chair around. I was like, but what

534
00:19:34,349 --> 00:19:36,049
do you want? Right.

535
00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:38,450
Mhmm. Mhmm. Yeah.

536
00:19:43,789 --> 00:19:45,009
Excuse me, folks.

537
00:19:46,430 --> 00:19:47,055
Don't hurt yourself.

538
00:19:48,015 --> 00:19:48,914
Yourself. Okay.

539
00:19:49,295 --> 00:19:49,795
Okay.

540
00:19:50,654 --> 00:19:52,894
So now that we've all learned that Kayla

541
00:19:52,894 --> 00:19:54,494
can be mind fucked way too easily or

542
00:19:54,494 --> 00:19:56,414
reminded, some of y'all already knew you've been

543
00:19:56,414 --> 00:19:57,475
here for these moments.

544
00:19:58,095 --> 00:20:00,769
Okay. Okay. This one happened last night. I

545
00:20:00,769 --> 00:20:02,529
went, oh, you have to attempt to remember

546
00:20:02,529 --> 00:20:03,029
this

547
00:20:03,329 --> 00:20:05,349
until the next morning to write it down.

548
00:20:06,849 --> 00:20:09,649
So look. Look. Look. I know what this

549
00:20:09,649 --> 00:20:11,990
is gonna sound like when I describe it.

550
00:20:12,369 --> 00:20:13,750
I wanna go on the record.

551
00:20:16,404 --> 00:20:18,644
That I do not consider myself a brat.

552
00:20:18,644 --> 00:20:20,565
I just I want that as not a

553
00:20:20,565 --> 00:20:22,265
label I use for myself.

554
00:20:23,285 --> 00:20:25,525
No matter how this sounds to anybody out

555
00:20:25,525 --> 00:20:26,025
there.

556
00:20:26,484 --> 00:20:27,525
So first of all, I have to set

557
00:20:27,525 --> 00:20:29,700
the scene for you you for where this

558
00:20:29,700 --> 00:20:32,980
specific example comes from. It is not the

559
00:20:32,980 --> 00:20:35,000
only way this happens. It's just

560
00:20:35,619 --> 00:20:37,720
the most recent and it's top of mind.

561
00:20:38,259 --> 00:20:40,440
So I think we've mentioned this in episodes

562
00:20:40,500 --> 00:20:41,320
in the past.

563
00:20:41,914 --> 00:20:43,034
By the time we go to bed and

564
00:20:43,034 --> 00:20:44,954
it's like we're putting, like, we're reading at

565
00:20:44,954 --> 00:20:46,335
night before we go to sleep. Right?

566
00:20:46,954 --> 00:20:49,034
By the time we have put all devices

567
00:20:49,034 --> 00:20:51,274
away, we're not reading. We're genuinely kinda laying

568
00:20:51,274 --> 00:20:53,355
down in that last little moment before we

569
00:20:53,355 --> 00:20:54,730
finally go, let's try to go to sleep.

570
00:20:54,730 --> 00:20:56,089
We turn the sleep story on that kind

571
00:20:56,089 --> 00:20:56,669
of thing.

572
00:20:57,289 --> 00:20:59,390
We lay there, and it's it's this intimate,

573
00:20:59,529 --> 00:21:01,549
like, moment of quiet

574
00:21:01,849 --> 00:21:03,069
closeness. We're together.

575
00:21:03,450 --> 00:21:05,690
And I can't handle that, so I get

576
00:21:05,690 --> 00:21:06,190
zoomies.

577
00:21:06,970 --> 00:21:09,289
If I don't get zoomies, I was I'm

578
00:21:09,289 --> 00:21:11,214
sick or I I'm exhausted from the day

579
00:21:11,335 --> 00:21:12,795
Yeah. Emotionally or physically.

580
00:21:13,734 --> 00:21:16,154
So most of the time, I get Zoomies.

581
00:21:18,054 --> 00:21:19,335
I feel like I'm do you remember the

582
00:21:19,335 --> 00:21:21,255
time I explained what budgie budgie was? Yeah.

583
00:21:21,255 --> 00:21:22,454
This is how I I feel like I'm

584
00:21:22,454 --> 00:21:24,375
a crazy person trying to explain our crazy

585
00:21:24,375 --> 00:21:24,809
shit to

586
00:21:28,009 --> 00:21:29,789
people. Okay. So we mostly sleep naked.

587
00:21:30,410 --> 00:21:32,990
I always run hot. JB always runs cold.

588
00:21:33,450 --> 00:21:36,170
We have this little ritual we do where

589
00:21:36,170 --> 00:21:36,670
I

590
00:21:38,410 --> 00:21:40,514
put my humidities on him because he's cold

591
00:21:40,514 --> 00:21:43,394
and these girls are warm. Okay? It's a

592
00:21:43,394 --> 00:21:45,554
furnace under there. So we're very pressed up

593
00:21:45,554 --> 00:21:47,474
against one another. Try to cool the nuclear

594
00:21:47,474 --> 00:21:49,714
reactor. We are we're very pressed up against

595
00:21:49,714 --> 00:21:51,315
one another. And I get my zoomies. And

596
00:21:51,315 --> 00:21:53,075
so I get wickled and I move around.

597
00:21:53,075 --> 00:21:55,529
And for a long time, that was just

598
00:21:55,529 --> 00:21:56,970
what I did. He might go calm down,

599
00:21:56,970 --> 00:21:59,609
baby girl. Just, you know, it's time to

600
00:21:59,609 --> 00:22:01,630
sleep. He might get, like, say something verbally,

601
00:22:02,089 --> 00:22:03,549
and I would mostly listen.

602
00:22:04,970 --> 00:22:06,190
And then at some point,

603
00:22:06,809 --> 00:22:09,210
semi recently, he started doing this thing where

604
00:22:09,210 --> 00:22:11,414
he would just wrap his arm around and

605
00:22:11,414 --> 00:22:12,634
pin me to the bed.

606
00:22:13,494 --> 00:22:15,275
Fucking hell. I love that shit.

607
00:22:17,494 --> 00:22:19,255
That was happening at around the time we

608
00:22:19,255 --> 00:22:21,654
were kinda starting to reconnect. Yes. Right? Because

609
00:22:21,654 --> 00:22:23,654
you were feeling playful again, and you're kinda

610
00:22:23,654 --> 00:22:25,015
getting a little rougher than you had been,

611
00:22:25,015 --> 00:22:27,420
which I fucking love. I fucking love. I

612
00:22:27,420 --> 00:22:28,940
don't want I don't have the I mean,

613
00:22:28,940 --> 00:22:30,380
I will. I don't but I don't love

614
00:22:30,380 --> 00:22:32,220
being tied up with ropes, but you wanna

615
00:22:32,220 --> 00:22:33,500
pin me down in a way where I

616
00:22:33,500 --> 00:22:35,039
can still breathe so I don't get claustrophobic

617
00:22:35,180 --> 00:22:37,279
and panic? I'm here for it. Well,

618
00:22:38,535 --> 00:22:39,035
I

619
00:22:39,414 --> 00:22:41,595
might I might sometimes be

620
00:22:42,455 --> 00:22:45,515
somebody who has to push against the boundaries

621
00:22:45,894 --> 00:22:47,994
that I've been set up for her.

622
00:22:49,015 --> 00:22:50,394
So I will get wiggly

623
00:22:51,139 --> 00:22:52,599
until he pins me down,

624
00:22:52,980 --> 00:22:54,740
and then I'll keep wiggling just to see

625
00:22:54,740 --> 00:22:55,880
what he's gonna do.

626
00:22:56,259 --> 00:22:58,519
I understand how that makes me sound.

627
00:22:59,299 --> 00:23:00,740
That is still not a label I use

628
00:23:00,740 --> 00:23:01,319
for myself.

629
00:23:02,019 --> 00:23:03,159
So last night,

630
00:23:04,740 --> 00:23:06,065
this this is our routine.

631
00:23:06,524 --> 00:23:07,845
And I can tell when he's not in

632
00:23:07,845 --> 00:23:09,024
the mood, he's really tired.

633
00:23:09,404 --> 00:23:11,404
I might get zoomies, but he's they're we're

634
00:23:11,404 --> 00:23:13,024
not flying. Well, just shut it down. Right.

635
00:23:13,884 --> 00:23:15,184
Right. But last night,

636
00:23:15,565 --> 00:23:17,644
I'm wiggling and wiggling, and he pins me.

637
00:23:17,644 --> 00:23:19,325
And then he lets up, and I wiggle

638
00:23:19,325 --> 00:23:22,109
and wiggle. And I'm, like, exaggerating. It's clear

639
00:23:22,109 --> 00:23:24,369
what I'm doing. I can't mind fucking anybody.

640
00:23:24,670 --> 00:23:27,630
Okay. I know. I somehow become an octopus

641
00:23:27,630 --> 00:23:28,750
in the bed. Where did she get all

642
00:23:28,750 --> 00:23:30,450
these limbs? Why are they all moving?

643
00:23:32,509 --> 00:23:33,009
But

644
00:23:33,789 --> 00:23:35,234
it's obvious what I'm doing. I'm not I

645
00:23:35,234 --> 00:23:37,154
can't my fuck shit. Okay? He knows what

646
00:23:37,154 --> 00:23:38,595
I'm doing. I know what I'm doing. He

647
00:23:38,595 --> 00:23:39,734
does not pin me down.

648
00:23:41,075 --> 00:23:42,454
I almost start crying.

649
00:23:43,234 --> 00:23:45,734
He's like, what is wrong? And I said,

650
00:23:46,835 --> 00:23:48,759
yes. I'm clearly doing this so you will

651
00:23:48,759 --> 00:23:50,359
pin me down and when you don't pin

652
00:23:50,359 --> 00:23:52,680
me down, I think you don't care about

653
00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:53,180
me.

654
00:23:57,079 --> 00:23:59,259
So I hurt my own fucking feelings.

655
00:24:00,279 --> 00:24:02,140
That's why it's a silly little conflict,

656
00:24:03,275 --> 00:24:04,174
Clearly one-sided.

657
00:24:05,275 --> 00:24:06,875
It did well, here's what I liked about

658
00:24:06,875 --> 00:24:08,654
it. I was able to give

659
00:24:09,434 --> 00:24:11,355
clear communication on a thing that was

660
00:24:12,394 --> 00:24:15,134
look. When I say bothering, I mean

661
00:24:15,755 --> 00:24:16,654
on the level

662
00:24:17,430 --> 00:24:18,410
of, like,

663
00:24:19,990 --> 00:24:21,750
it really is not a bother. It's more

664
00:24:21,750 --> 00:24:23,430
of a, I kinda wish that had gone

665
00:24:23,430 --> 00:24:24,250
different. Right?

666
00:24:24,630 --> 00:24:26,789
It's not a real concern. It's not a

667
00:24:26,789 --> 00:24:28,789
real problem. But I was, like, a little

668
00:24:28,789 --> 00:24:30,549
bothered by it. And I'm not used I'm

669
00:24:30,710 --> 00:24:32,150
there are certain things I'm not good at

670
00:24:32,150 --> 00:24:33,914
communicating. I have I have to make myself

671
00:24:33,914 --> 00:24:34,494
do it.

672
00:24:34,875 --> 00:24:36,554
But when we have these moments, I do

673
00:24:36,554 --> 00:24:37,694
find I am communicating

674
00:24:37,994 --> 00:24:39,914
better because Mhmm. I think it's because I

675
00:24:39,914 --> 00:24:42,315
was in baby girl, like, mode. I mean,

676
00:24:42,315 --> 00:24:45,194
even my my voice was Oh, yeah. Looser,

677
00:24:45,194 --> 00:24:45,934
more relaxed.

678
00:24:46,794 --> 00:24:49,569
And did I pout and whine? Of course

679
00:24:49,569 --> 00:24:50,230
I did.

680
00:24:52,769 --> 00:24:53,589
So one,

681
00:24:54,450 --> 00:24:55,829
for just to clarify,

682
00:24:56,289 --> 00:24:58,150
do not consider myself a brat.

683
00:24:59,089 --> 00:25:01,170
We were doing a simple cause and effect

684
00:25:01,170 --> 00:25:03,575
here. Okay? I wiggle, he pins. I wiggle,

685
00:25:03,575 --> 00:25:05,254
he pins. This is what I like. The

686
00:25:05,254 --> 00:25:07,894
zoomies have to be contained somehow so we

687
00:25:07,894 --> 00:25:08,794
could both sleep.

688
00:25:09,254 --> 00:25:10,875
And then he interrupted the pattern,

689
00:25:11,734 --> 00:25:13,034
and I didn't like that.

690
00:25:13,654 --> 00:25:14,315
So here's

691
00:25:15,769 --> 00:25:17,289
Can't give them what they want all the

692
00:25:17,289 --> 00:25:18,669
time. Yes, you can.

693
00:25:23,210 --> 00:25:25,130
I try to give you what you want

694
00:25:25,130 --> 00:25:27,710
when you let me. But this is different.

695
00:25:30,045 --> 00:25:30,545
I

696
00:25:31,565 --> 00:25:32,785
know. I don't like it.

697
00:25:34,205 --> 00:25:34,705
So

698
00:25:35,965 --> 00:25:36,365
in the

699
00:25:36,924 --> 00:25:38,605
that was a moment where you were not

700
00:25:38,605 --> 00:25:41,164
play acting. You were you found that highly

701
00:25:41,164 --> 00:25:44,525
amusing. That was hilarious to you. But I'm

702
00:25:44,525 --> 00:25:45,025
curious,

703
00:25:45,609 --> 00:25:47,049
mostly because I like to, like, peek into

704
00:25:47,049 --> 00:25:48,649
the mind of a dominant that I clearly

705
00:25:48,649 --> 00:25:50,009
do not understand because I can't even tell

706
00:25:50,009 --> 00:25:51,230
when I'm being mind fucked.

707
00:25:51,609 --> 00:25:53,609
What are you thinking about in those moments?

708
00:25:53,609 --> 00:25:55,690
Is it just a teasing playful thing? Or

709
00:25:55,690 --> 00:25:57,609
is there, like, a process in your brain

710
00:25:57,609 --> 00:25:58,009
that's like

711
00:25:58,730 --> 00:26:00,589
It's it's a teasing playful thing.

712
00:26:01,294 --> 00:26:03,454
Okay? That that's really what it comes down

713
00:26:03,454 --> 00:26:03,954
to.

714
00:26:04,414 --> 00:26:04,914
And,

715
00:26:06,734 --> 00:26:08,414
the most that's going on in my head

716
00:26:08,414 --> 00:26:10,174
is how far can I take this? Oh

717
00:26:10,174 --> 00:26:10,914
my god.

718
00:26:17,090 --> 00:26:18,869
Yeah. You yeah.

719
00:26:19,730 --> 00:26:20,230
My

720
00:26:20,690 --> 00:26:23,809
edge of the cliff is way further back

721
00:26:23,809 --> 00:26:25,509
than your edge of the cliff.

722
00:26:26,130 --> 00:26:27,650
But you know what that is? It's because

723
00:26:27,650 --> 00:26:28,470
I I

724
00:26:29,025 --> 00:26:32,805
don't want genuine conflict. Mhmm. I'm not good

725
00:26:33,025 --> 00:26:33,525
at

726
00:26:34,144 --> 00:26:36,644
the back and forth of even pretend

727
00:26:37,105 --> 00:26:37,605
superficial,

728
00:26:38,305 --> 00:26:40,244
playful arguing. Like, that's,

729
00:26:40,705 --> 00:26:42,144
like, that's a thing that I kinda

730
00:26:43,319 --> 00:26:44,599
I don't know. I don't know if it's

731
00:26:44,599 --> 00:26:46,279
a it's a thing my brain is just

732
00:26:46,279 --> 00:26:47,480
pushing back against. I don't know if it's

733
00:26:47,480 --> 00:26:48,839
an anxiety thing. Like, I don't know where

734
00:26:48,839 --> 00:26:50,519
it's happening in my body, but my body

735
00:26:50,519 --> 00:26:53,399
is like, danger. Danger. Do not push too

736
00:26:53,399 --> 00:26:53,899
hard.

737
00:26:55,079 --> 00:26:57,500
And what I'm hearing is Well, dangerous

738
00:26:58,914 --> 00:27:01,394
for you. Yeah. But I'm, like, I'm I'm

739
00:27:01,555 --> 00:27:03,154
my brain or my body or my whatever

740
00:27:03,154 --> 00:27:05,955
is interpreting it as literal real danger and

741
00:27:05,955 --> 00:27:08,755
not playful danger. Gotcha. But that's also because

742
00:27:08,755 --> 00:27:10,035
this is one that didn't make the list,

743
00:27:10,035 --> 00:27:11,174
but it's very true.

744
00:27:11,910 --> 00:27:13,049
Depending on my headspace,

745
00:27:14,630 --> 00:27:16,470
and so I can't ever predict if I'll

746
00:27:16,470 --> 00:27:17,990
react this way. Sometimes he can give me

747
00:27:17,990 --> 00:27:19,830
the dumb voice, and I kinda turn into

748
00:27:19,830 --> 00:27:22,170
a pouty teenager. I'm like, whatever. It's fine.

749
00:27:23,190 --> 00:27:25,190
I'm not dumb enough to let him hear

750
00:27:25,190 --> 00:27:25,964
me mumble to

751
00:27:28,284 --> 00:27:30,704
myself. And sometimes I push

752
00:27:31,005 --> 00:27:32,384
I'm not reading the room

753
00:27:32,765 --> 00:27:34,224
right well, and I push,

754
00:27:34,525 --> 00:27:35,664
and you give me

755
00:27:36,605 --> 00:27:38,765
right. You and it's You're poking a bear

756
00:27:38,765 --> 00:27:40,109
now. Right. Right. And it's so here's what's

757
00:27:40,109 --> 00:27:41,950
funny. This is this is my problem with

758
00:27:41,950 --> 00:27:43,549
conflict, and I'm pretty sure we did an

759
00:27:43,549 --> 00:27:44,529
episode on conflict.

760
00:27:45,150 --> 00:27:47,710
Maybe a few episodes. Anyway, I'm so conflict

761
00:27:47,710 --> 00:27:49,170
averse that even though

762
00:27:49,630 --> 00:27:52,430
my logical rational brain goes, he does not

763
00:27:52,430 --> 00:27:55,164
hate you, He's not genuinely angry with you.

764
00:27:55,164 --> 00:27:56,444
He would only be angry with you if

765
00:27:56,444 --> 00:27:57,345
you kept pushing.

766
00:27:59,085 --> 00:28:00,865
You're not actually in any danger.

767
00:28:01,644 --> 00:28:02,144
My

768
00:28:02,524 --> 00:28:03,105
my anxiety

769
00:28:03,724 --> 00:28:05,984
leaps up like I'm being chased by lions.

770
00:28:06,044 --> 00:28:08,384
Okay? In the across the Savannah.

771
00:28:09,210 --> 00:28:11,369
And I just I oh, and that is

772
00:28:11,369 --> 00:28:12,509
the thing. And

773
00:28:13,769 --> 00:28:16,169
I don't know if I'll ever be able

774
00:28:16,169 --> 00:28:18,409
to do the back and forth push and

775
00:28:18,409 --> 00:28:18,909
pull

776
00:28:19,289 --> 00:28:21,450
as far to the edge as you're able

777
00:28:21,450 --> 00:28:23,149
to take it. Mhmm. Because

778
00:28:25,174 --> 00:28:25,674
I

779
00:28:27,255 --> 00:28:29,894
look. All of this personality really cannot be

780
00:28:29,894 --> 00:28:30,394
contained,

781
00:28:31,095 --> 00:28:33,095
and I know it's a lot. I needed

782
00:28:33,095 --> 00:28:35,414
a microphone and a ten year long podcast

783
00:28:35,414 --> 00:28:37,195
to get some of it out. Okay?

784
00:28:38,615 --> 00:28:41,230
So I don't actually trust that I won't

785
00:28:41,230 --> 00:28:42,529
push too hard,

786
00:28:42,990 --> 00:28:45,630
and I won't get angry daddy dom or

787
00:28:45,630 --> 00:28:46,929
annoyed daddy dom.

788
00:28:48,670 --> 00:28:50,210
And the part of me that is

789
00:28:50,670 --> 00:28:52,509
the good girl You have experienced that if

790
00:28:52,509 --> 00:28:54,190
you don't. I don't like it. I don't

791
00:28:54,190 --> 00:28:55,904
like it. I don't like it.

792
00:28:56,865 --> 00:28:58,484
I don't like it. Like,

793
00:28:59,025 --> 00:29:00,865
look. This is really a conversation for a

794
00:29:00,865 --> 00:29:03,825
therapist. I'm aware. But I spent all of

795
00:29:03,825 --> 00:29:05,045
my formative years,

796
00:29:06,305 --> 00:29:09,424
all of my childhood through teenage years into

797
00:29:09,424 --> 00:29:09,924
college

798
00:29:11,230 --> 00:29:13,409
desperately not wanting to be in trouble,

799
00:29:14,109 --> 00:29:16,049
not wanting to be perceived

800
00:29:16,589 --> 00:29:17,089
as,

801
00:29:18,029 --> 00:29:18,769
a problem.

802
00:29:20,669 --> 00:29:22,369
And so here I am

803
00:29:22,990 --> 00:29:25,325
at the ripe old age of 45, and

804
00:29:25,325 --> 00:29:27,565
I'm here here I come along. I know.

805
00:29:27,565 --> 00:29:29,345
And, you know, you'd think I'd be desensitized

806
00:29:29,725 --> 00:29:30,384
to it.

807
00:29:31,244 --> 00:29:33,404
No. Silent's right. There it's two there are

808
00:29:33,404 --> 00:29:35,485
two crows. And one is a people pleaser.

809
00:29:35,485 --> 00:29:36,625
And just

810
00:29:38,720 --> 00:29:39,619
I, like,

811
00:29:39,920 --> 00:29:41,059
I don't even know

812
00:29:41,519 --> 00:29:44,500
sometimes how to handle your playful annoyance when

813
00:29:44,559 --> 00:29:46,400
it's not you're not even being sharp. You're

814
00:29:46,400 --> 00:29:48,980
just, like, you're playing, and I'm like,

815
00:29:49,359 --> 00:29:52,000
I'm gonna be unloved forever. Oh, god. Like,

816
00:29:52,000 --> 00:29:54,744
that's I know that's not true. I know

817
00:29:54,744 --> 00:29:55,565
that's not

818
00:29:56,664 --> 00:29:58,924
true. Tell my lizard brain that.

819
00:30:02,664 --> 00:30:04,585
And so I was proud of myself when

820
00:30:04,585 --> 00:30:07,069
I just, like, said to you, when you

821
00:30:07,069 --> 00:30:09,089
don't do the thing, it hurts not feelings.

822
00:30:12,509 --> 00:30:14,750
You know? He's a very giving dom. He

823
00:30:14,750 --> 00:30:16,589
immediately pinned me down, and I was like,

824
00:30:16,589 --> 00:30:18,589
thank you. Could you put some more weight

825
00:30:18,589 --> 00:30:20,289
there? I could I could use it.

826
00:30:20,924 --> 00:30:21,825
Wrap your leg over something.

827
00:30:22,845 --> 00:30:24,285
But, you know, I gotta keep you on

828
00:30:24,285 --> 00:30:25,884
your toes if I do it every time

829
00:30:25,884 --> 00:30:27,485
you come to expect it. I feel like

830
00:30:27,485 --> 00:30:29,505
I live my whole life on my toes.

831
00:30:31,884 --> 00:30:34,380
I feel like the universe is doing a

832
00:30:34,460 --> 00:30:36,380
good enough job of keeping me on my

833
00:30:36,380 --> 00:30:39,359
toes. Like that? Okay. Okay. Right. I just

834
00:30:40,380 --> 00:30:41,900
I don't care what position you keep me

835
00:30:41,900 --> 00:30:44,079
in other than that. If it's, you know,

836
00:30:44,220 --> 00:30:46,460
head down ass up, it'll be good. If

837
00:30:46,460 --> 00:30:48,255
it's flat on my back, it'll still be

838
00:30:48,255 --> 00:30:49,855
good. I just don't know if on my

839
00:30:49,855 --> 00:30:52,355
toes is where I need to be at

840
00:30:52,494 --> 00:30:54,434
that time. Could that be

841
00:30:55,134 --> 00:30:57,954
the whiny little baby girl speaking? Maybe.

842
00:30:58,494 --> 00:31:00,035
Maybe. Excuse me.

843
00:31:00,414 --> 00:31:02,500
But I do you know, part of this,

844
00:31:02,500 --> 00:31:03,000
it's

845
00:31:03,539 --> 00:31:04,819
this is how we've kind of always been.

846
00:31:04,819 --> 00:31:06,259
We've had this this sort of back and

847
00:31:06,259 --> 00:31:06,759
forth,

848
00:31:07,859 --> 00:31:10,259
not real conflicts, but playful, but still having

849
00:31:10,259 --> 00:31:12,679
there's there's slight edge of

850
00:31:13,220 --> 00:31:14,039
right? Whatever.

851
00:31:15,065 --> 00:31:16,345
I don't know what that facial expression was.

852
00:31:16,345 --> 00:31:17,785
I could not podcast listeners, I could not

853
00:31:17,785 --> 00:31:18,904
describe it to you. I don't know what

854
00:31:18,904 --> 00:31:20,285
I was thinking. There we are.

855
00:31:21,224 --> 00:31:24,184
It's more prevalent and noticeable now because it

856
00:31:24,184 --> 00:31:26,984
had been So long? It had been so

857
00:31:26,984 --> 00:31:29,500
long since it was genuinely light hearted. Mhmm.

858
00:31:29,500 --> 00:31:31,500
Like, we have we are gonna make each

859
00:31:31,500 --> 00:31:33,340
other laugh. We're gonna do a little bit

860
00:31:33,340 --> 00:31:34,559
of a push and pull.

861
00:31:34,940 --> 00:31:36,859
You know, all of that's always gonna be

862
00:31:36,859 --> 00:31:39,200
there. But there, I don't think it's been

863
00:31:39,914 --> 00:31:42,475
as playful, which is why I haven't clocked

864
00:31:42,475 --> 00:31:44,755
it. I haven't thought about it Yeah. We

865
00:31:44,875 --> 00:31:46,475
as something different or I mean, that that

866
00:31:46,475 --> 00:31:47,855
is something I have noticed

867
00:31:48,315 --> 00:31:49,215
between us,

868
00:31:49,835 --> 00:31:50,335
recently

869
00:31:50,875 --> 00:31:51,355
that,

870
00:31:51,995 --> 00:31:53,855
you know, we we get into these

871
00:31:54,359 --> 00:31:54,859
little,

872
00:31:56,200 --> 00:31:57,180
episodes, maybe.

873
00:31:57,559 --> 00:31:58,059
And,

874
00:31:59,240 --> 00:32:00,519
yeah. A few times we've,

875
00:32:00,920 --> 00:32:02,940
laughed so hard lost our breath.

876
00:32:03,480 --> 00:32:06,299
Oh my god. Recently. Yeah. I'm I'm

877
00:32:06,839 --> 00:32:09,640
of a life experience and age where I

878
00:32:09,640 --> 00:32:11,454
can't laugh laugh too hard, sneeze too hard,

879
00:32:11,454 --> 00:32:12,654
or do a lot too hard. I'm about

880
00:32:12,654 --> 00:32:13,554
to pee on myself.

881
00:32:14,734 --> 00:32:17,075
Challenge accepted. Right. Exactly.

882
00:32:17,694 --> 00:32:18,914
And we have had

883
00:32:19,534 --> 00:32:22,470
I am absolutely that person who is, especially

884
00:32:22,549 --> 00:32:24,549
if we're standing, I'm bent over laughing. I

885
00:32:24,549 --> 00:32:25,990
also have to go, stop. Stop. I'm about

886
00:32:25,990 --> 00:32:27,269
to be on myself, and I'm cross I'm,

887
00:32:27,269 --> 00:32:30,730
like, clenching. I'm kegeling for my fucking life.

888
00:32:33,109 --> 00:32:34,250
So yeah. Yeah.

889
00:32:36,470 --> 00:32:37,690
I think that

890
00:32:38,825 --> 00:32:39,644
in the past

891
00:32:40,025 --> 00:32:42,345
little bit when we've been this way, because

892
00:32:42,345 --> 00:32:44,825
we are this way just in there's been

893
00:32:44,825 --> 00:32:46,845
a little bit more of a tinge of

894
00:32:47,144 --> 00:32:47,964
real frustration,

895
00:32:48,825 --> 00:32:51,144
so it was never a actual argument, actual

896
00:32:51,144 --> 00:32:53,779
conflict, but it wasn't fun to think about

897
00:32:53,779 --> 00:32:55,240
or talk about later because

898
00:32:56,339 --> 00:32:57,480
there was still the

899
00:32:57,859 --> 00:32:58,839
kind of aspect.

900
00:32:59,380 --> 00:33:01,140
Okay. This third one, this is the last

901
00:33:01,140 --> 00:33:03,140
one I've got unless something comes to your

902
00:33:03,140 --> 00:33:05,380
mind Okay. That we've gone through recently. This

903
00:33:05,380 --> 00:33:08,325
one happens almost every fucking day. Yeah.

904
00:33:09,125 --> 00:33:10,884
Yeah. And it sometimes does carry a little

905
00:33:10,884 --> 00:33:12,264
bit of genuine frustration

906
00:33:13,044 --> 00:33:13,544
because

907
00:33:13,845 --> 00:33:15,365
we are we are on the verge of

908
00:33:15,365 --> 00:33:17,524
arguing for no fucking reason. Like, it's not

909
00:33:17,524 --> 00:33:20,005
even playful. It's like, why are we fussing

910
00:33:20,005 --> 00:33:20,984
at one another?

911
00:33:21,710 --> 00:33:22,529
And that is

912
00:33:23,549 --> 00:33:26,109
whatever conversation we're talking about, whatever conversation we're

913
00:33:26,109 --> 00:33:27,789
having, a decision will need to be made

914
00:33:27,789 --> 00:33:29,309
or a plan of action. There will be

915
00:33:29,309 --> 00:33:29,809
some

916
00:33:30,269 --> 00:33:33,549
activity action that comes from what we're talking

917
00:33:33,549 --> 00:33:35,150
about. Maybe it's a thing we already know

918
00:33:35,150 --> 00:33:36,734
we're gonna do and we're trying to, like,

919
00:33:37,214 --> 00:33:39,855
game out the details. Maybe it's a decision

920
00:33:39,855 --> 00:33:41,535
that has to be made. I don't know

921
00:33:41,535 --> 00:33:44,174
because it happens in every facet of every

922
00:33:44,174 --> 00:33:45,474
fucking thing we do together.

923
00:33:46,734 --> 00:33:47,234
We

924
00:33:47,855 --> 00:33:49,234
will be talking about it.

925
00:33:50,369 --> 00:33:52,210
I I think I recognize this more than

926
00:33:52,210 --> 00:33:54,390
you do. Okay. I will recognize

927
00:33:54,769 --> 00:33:57,269
that I am saying using different words,

928
00:33:57,730 --> 00:33:59,349
basically the same thing that JB

929
00:33:59,650 --> 00:34:00,470
is saying.

930
00:34:01,615 --> 00:34:03,454
But I'm I'm structuring it a little bit

931
00:34:03,454 --> 00:34:05,474
different. I'm coming at a slightly different viewpoint.

932
00:34:05,534 --> 00:34:07,134
I am on step three, and he was

933
00:34:07,134 --> 00:34:08,755
still talking about step one.

934
00:34:10,815 --> 00:34:12,434
You know? It could be anything.

935
00:34:13,375 --> 00:34:15,295
And next thing I know, he's getting that

936
00:34:15,295 --> 00:34:15,795
sharp

937
00:34:16,440 --> 00:34:19,179
tone that I fundamentally fucking hate.

938
00:34:19,480 --> 00:34:21,880
Okay. Fight, flight, or freeze. Well, now I'm

939
00:34:21,880 --> 00:34:22,780
fighting. Okay.

940
00:34:25,960 --> 00:34:26,940
And he

941
00:34:27,320 --> 00:34:28,119
like, I

942
00:34:28,920 --> 00:34:31,094
JB will get a little defensive because he

943
00:34:31,094 --> 00:34:32,695
is hearing something that, it's not what I'm

944
00:34:32,695 --> 00:34:33,514
trying to convey.

945
00:34:33,815 --> 00:34:35,894
And so I have to go, woah. Woah.

946
00:34:35,894 --> 00:34:36,394
Woah.

947
00:34:37,255 --> 00:34:38,315
We agree.

948
00:34:38,855 --> 00:34:40,775
Why are we fussing? And he always comes

949
00:34:40,775 --> 00:34:42,155
back and goes, I don't know.

950
00:34:43,574 --> 00:34:46,839
Happened today. Yep. This morning. Today. This morning.

951
00:34:46,839 --> 00:34:48,359
Can't remember what the hell we were talking

952
00:34:48,359 --> 00:34:50,599
about. Hell either. And that's the that's the

953
00:34:50,599 --> 00:34:52,699
beauty of those kinds of things. They're so

954
00:34:52,760 --> 00:34:56,539
nonsensical, unimportant. I don't remember. They're such stupid,

955
00:34:56,679 --> 00:34:57,179
insignificant

956
00:34:57,960 --> 00:35:00,815
And they're silly. Things. Yeah. I'm you know,

957
00:35:00,875 --> 00:35:04,074
we absolutely do have disagreements and arguments and

958
00:35:04,074 --> 00:35:04,574
even

959
00:35:04,875 --> 00:35:07,755
shouting fights. Thankfully, that's very rare. Yeah. They're

960
00:35:07,755 --> 00:35:09,355
about real things. And even if I can't

961
00:35:09,355 --> 00:35:11,375
remember the details afterwards, I remember

962
00:35:11,755 --> 00:35:13,835
the topic. Right? I remember what was going

963
00:35:13,835 --> 00:35:15,214
on and how we got there.

964
00:35:16,210 --> 00:35:17,190
These small things,

965
00:35:17,650 --> 00:35:19,750
either we end up laughing afterwards,

966
00:35:20,610 --> 00:35:22,289
either just at ourselves or, like, at the

967
00:35:22,289 --> 00:35:22,789
situation,

968
00:35:23,250 --> 00:35:25,489
or we go we kind of bluster and

969
00:35:25,489 --> 00:35:27,410
then we move they never stick in my

970
00:35:27,410 --> 00:35:27,910
brain.

971
00:35:28,369 --> 00:35:29,750
Never, never, never, never.

972
00:35:30,925 --> 00:35:33,244
Only that the fact of them, that push

973
00:35:33,244 --> 00:35:34,304
and pull, that

974
00:35:35,085 --> 00:35:36,684
I'm trying I'm trying to get a reaction.

975
00:35:36,684 --> 00:35:38,284
You're not giving me my reaction. I'm trying

976
00:35:38,284 --> 00:35:40,125
to get a reaction. Right? Those kinds of

977
00:35:40,125 --> 00:35:42,125
things. Or this one. This one is probably,

978
00:35:42,125 --> 00:35:44,864
of the three, the most actually genuinely frustrating

979
00:35:45,405 --> 00:35:47,460
because I don't like to be misunderstood. I

980
00:35:47,460 --> 00:35:49,140
don't know if anybody's noticed around here how

981
00:35:49,140 --> 00:35:51,460
I am an over explainer and every thought

982
00:35:51,460 --> 00:35:52,440
has a parenthetical

983
00:35:53,140 --> 00:35:55,559
to explain some backstory to the thought,

984
00:35:57,059 --> 00:35:58,840
that I speak the way I write.

985
00:36:01,914 --> 00:36:03,594
So I I kinda know where that one

986
00:36:03,594 --> 00:36:05,355
comes from. It's one, I don't want the

987
00:36:05,355 --> 00:36:08,074
conflict. We already know. Mhmm. So I'm sensing

988
00:36:08,074 --> 00:36:10,074
conflict where I'm like, why why why is

989
00:36:10,074 --> 00:36:12,750
there conflict? We're talk we're agreeing. We agree.

990
00:36:12,829 --> 00:36:16,130
We agree. We agree. Mhmm. But then

991
00:36:17,070 --> 00:36:19,550
there's also the oh, and I can't and

992
00:36:19,550 --> 00:36:21,489
I'm and I know it drives you genuinely

993
00:36:21,630 --> 00:36:24,670
crazy. I over explain because I think you

994
00:36:24,670 --> 00:36:25,730
you must be misunderstanding

995
00:36:26,110 --> 00:36:28,755
me. You're not getting my point. Now that

996
00:36:28,755 --> 00:36:31,175
is a time when you'll use your your

997
00:36:31,234 --> 00:36:32,914
dumb voice to shut it down and my

998
00:36:32,914 --> 00:36:35,234
feelings genuinely are hurt because I'm like, but

999
00:36:35,234 --> 00:36:36,675
I had a little bit more I need

1000
00:36:36,675 --> 00:36:38,695
to say. And what if he doesn't understand?

1001
00:36:38,755 --> 00:36:41,539
And he is having this response based on

1002
00:36:41,539 --> 00:36:43,320
a thing he thought I said?

1003
00:36:43,860 --> 00:36:45,800
Yes. I know I need a therapist. Whatever.

1004
00:36:52,340 --> 00:36:54,280
Anyway, so that one does carry

1005
00:36:54,664 --> 00:36:56,984
a genuine edge of frustration, but it does

1006
00:36:56,984 --> 00:36:57,804
depend on

1007
00:36:58,105 --> 00:36:58,844
it's it's

1008
00:36:59,304 --> 00:37:01,945
context dependent. If we were laughing and joking

1009
00:37:01,945 --> 00:37:04,204
and then found ourselves in that silly little

1010
00:37:04,344 --> 00:37:06,364
back and forth, what are we arguing about?

1011
00:37:06,505 --> 00:37:07,864
I can even if you get sharp, I

1012
00:37:07,864 --> 00:37:09,460
can laugh it off. Off. But if it's

1013
00:37:09,460 --> 00:37:11,780
been a really serious tense moment and we've

1014
00:37:11,780 --> 00:37:12,840
led into it,

1015
00:37:13,700 --> 00:37:15,960
then it's not fun. Then it's not silly.

1016
00:37:16,180 --> 00:37:18,280
It's silly in the the sense of

1017
00:37:18,900 --> 00:37:21,000
why, what is happening. This is unnecessary.

1018
00:37:21,815 --> 00:37:24,375
But it's not like silly like, oh, I'm

1019
00:37:24,375 --> 00:37:25,755
giggling about this now.

1020
00:37:27,414 --> 00:37:29,335
And I just wanna do things that make

1021
00:37:29,335 --> 00:37:31,835
me laugh about it later. That's that's my

1022
00:37:32,375 --> 00:37:33,815
that's what I want. I we don't get

1023
00:37:33,815 --> 00:37:35,175
what we want. I know, but that's what

1024
00:37:35,175 --> 00:37:35,760
I want.

1025
00:37:36,719 --> 00:37:37,380
So yeah.

1026
00:37:37,920 --> 00:37:40,900
Here's the thing. Did this does this conversation

1027
00:37:40,960 --> 00:37:43,760
have an absolute point? No. I I know.

1028
00:37:43,760 --> 00:37:44,739
We need it lighthearted,

1029
00:37:45,199 --> 00:37:47,519
and I basically am throwing this out here

1030
00:37:47,519 --> 00:37:48,559
so that I can

1031
00:37:48,880 --> 00:37:51,795
so I know somebody. It might be one

1032
00:37:52,414 --> 00:37:54,034
out of however many of you there are.

1033
00:37:54,414 --> 00:37:57,454
Somebody can relate. Somebody has had their own

1034
00:37:57,454 --> 00:37:58,434
similar experience

1035
00:37:58,974 --> 00:38:00,735
and is like, yeah that happens to us

1036
00:38:00,735 --> 00:38:02,414
too, maybe in a slightly different way. I

1037
00:38:02,414 --> 00:38:04,760
just need to know I'm not alone.

1038
00:38:05,059 --> 00:38:06,840
And if you are recognizing

1039
00:38:07,300 --> 00:38:09,940
any of this in your own self, you're

1040
00:38:09,940 --> 00:38:11,380
not alone. And I'm glad I could give

1041
00:38:11,380 --> 00:38:13,380
that to you. Because sometimes I'll walk around

1042
00:38:13,380 --> 00:38:15,940
here going, am I in crazy town? More

1043
00:38:15,940 --> 00:38:18,704
so than I'm obviously in crazy town. Like,

1044
00:38:18,704 --> 00:38:20,944
are we in crazy town together? What is

1045
00:38:20,944 --> 00:38:21,444
happening

1046
00:38:21,824 --> 00:38:22,324
here?

1047
00:38:23,664 --> 00:38:25,905
The more serious version of the we're are

1048
00:38:25,984 --> 00:38:27,585
we're saying making the same point, saying it

1049
00:38:27,585 --> 00:38:29,364
differently, you know, think we're in conflict

1050
00:38:30,019 --> 00:38:31,380
is the one, and we have talked about

1051
00:38:31,380 --> 00:38:32,119
this before,

1052
00:38:32,819 --> 00:38:34,839
where we get into an unnecessary

1053
00:38:35,219 --> 00:38:37,780
argument and we both agree on the outcome,

1054
00:38:37,780 --> 00:38:38,280
but

1055
00:38:39,940 --> 00:38:42,819
moods got heated. Yeah. And I'll kinda yell

1056
00:38:42,819 --> 00:38:44,994
out in the middle, you know, we're we're

1057
00:38:44,994 --> 00:38:47,474
supposed to like one another. We're on the

1058
00:38:47,474 --> 00:38:49,014
same team here. What?

1059
00:38:51,235 --> 00:38:53,715
So for somebody who is extremely conflict averse,

1060
00:38:53,715 --> 00:38:55,155
I will do that. It's a I think

1061
00:38:55,155 --> 00:38:56,755
it's a sense of safety thing. I don't

1062
00:38:56,755 --> 00:38:58,195
know. I don't know what it is because

1063
00:38:58,195 --> 00:38:58,380
it

1064
00:38:59,019 --> 00:39:01,339
it fluctuates. It shifts. Like, some days, I'm

1065
00:39:01,339 --> 00:39:03,019
really I'm on it, and I can just

1066
00:39:03,019 --> 00:39:04,779
tell you what needs to be told to

1067
00:39:04,779 --> 00:39:06,639
you. And other days, I

1068
00:39:07,420 --> 00:39:09,119
I just can't. But yeah.

1069
00:39:09,980 --> 00:39:11,440
So those are some of our

1070
00:39:11,784 --> 00:39:14,204
very silly little conflicts that are mostly

1071
00:39:14,664 --> 00:39:16,425
the first two definitely are about our power

1072
00:39:16,425 --> 00:39:17,244
exchange. Yeah.

1073
00:39:19,385 --> 00:39:21,704
There's no real point other than somebody out

1074
00:39:21,704 --> 00:39:22,204
there

1075
00:39:22,905 --> 00:39:25,039
can commiserate, and I'm not a the only

1076
00:39:25,039 --> 00:39:27,360
crazy person. I mean, we're all crazy here,

1077
00:39:27,360 --> 00:39:29,039
but at least I'm not alone in this

1078
00:39:29,039 --> 00:39:31,199
part of my crazy is is what I'm

1079
00:39:31,199 --> 00:39:32,340
I'm saying. No.

1080
00:39:33,119 --> 00:39:34,639
Told you this to be short. I don't

1081
00:39:34,800 --> 00:39:36,800
I we just we just needed we just

1082
00:39:36,800 --> 00:39:39,460
needed to laugh. Yeah. Yep. We just

1083
00:39:44,215 --> 00:39:44,454
Anyway

1084
00:39:45,655 --> 00:39:46,715
It's fun.

1085
00:39:49,255 --> 00:39:49,994
Is it?

1086
00:39:52,135 --> 00:39:52,954
Is it?

1087
00:39:53,289 --> 00:39:53,789
Yes.

1088
00:39:55,130 --> 00:39:57,130
So I guess we'll just keep the hilarity

1089
00:39:57,130 --> 00:39:57,630
going

1090
00:39:58,409 --> 00:40:00,089
and go into a bonus section. I got

1091
00:40:00,089 --> 00:40:01,449
nothing to add to any of that y'all.

1092
00:40:01,449 --> 00:40:03,130
I'm actually I'm emptied out. I didn't know

1093
00:40:03,130 --> 00:40:06,275
it could happen. Here we go. 428

1094
00:40:06,275 --> 00:40:08,595
episodes later, I could actually just hit a

1095
00:40:08,595 --> 00:40:09,875
point where I had nothing else to say

1096
00:40:09,875 --> 00:40:12,355
about a topic. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Because

1097
00:40:12,355 --> 00:40:13,394
because I didn't think there was a point.

1098
00:40:13,394 --> 00:40:16,195
I was just having fun. Mhmm. So, are

1099
00:40:16,195 --> 00:40:17,699
we good? I don't know. I don't know.

1100
00:40:19,619 --> 00:40:21,699
Keep it kinky y'all. And we'll see you

1101
00:40:21,699 --> 00:40:22,440
next week.

1102
00:40:31,574 --> 00:40:32,074
Daddy.

1103
00:40:35,494 --> 00:40:37,114
Yes, baby girl. A

1104
00:40:37,655 --> 00:40:40,295
your fellow dom and sadist is petitioning for

1105
00:40:40,295 --> 00:40:41,755
an extended bonus section.

1106
00:40:42,215 --> 00:40:43,675
Oh. It's not me asking.

1107
00:40:44,119 --> 00:40:45,480
That's true. It's not. It's somebody that, you

1108
00:40:45,480 --> 00:40:47,719
know Yeah. You're on kind of a similar

1109
00:40:47,719 --> 00:40:49,400
level with, and I know you respect a

1110
00:40:49,400 --> 00:40:51,719
lot, and and they have suggested it. I

1111
00:40:51,719 --> 00:40:53,820
I see that. That that could be

1112
00:40:54,760 --> 00:40:56,319
a a possibility. Sometimes you have to give

1113
00:40:56,319 --> 00:40:57,494
the people what they want.

1114
00:40:57,974 --> 00:40:58,474
Understand.

1115
00:40:58,855 --> 00:40:59,974
I don't know that we got enough to

1116
00:40:59,974 --> 00:41:03,355
talk about to justify an extended bonus section.

1117
00:41:04,535 --> 00:41:07,414
We can give the Lola update. Yep. Lola

1118
00:41:07,414 --> 00:41:07,894
had her,

1119
00:41:08,775 --> 00:41:11,449
appointment at the Ophthalmologist. Ophthalmologist.

1120
00:41:11,750 --> 00:41:12,949
It's okay. I'll say it for you. Thank

1121
00:41:12,949 --> 00:41:15,130
you. It's the service I provide. And,

1122
00:41:17,030 --> 00:41:18,469
we we did get

1123
00:41:20,070 --> 00:41:21,510
They had they had to get her on

1124
00:41:21,510 --> 00:41:22,090
a scale.

1125
00:41:22,664 --> 00:41:23,164
Yeah.

1126
00:41:24,664 --> 00:41:25,885
And and it was

1127
00:41:26,425 --> 00:41:27,565
she she cooperated.

1128
00:41:28,505 --> 00:41:30,824
She is down to seventy eight pounds. And

1129
00:41:30,824 --> 00:41:32,844
really closer to seventy seven. Yeah.

1130
00:41:33,864 --> 00:41:35,279
Yeah. She's it's

1131
00:41:35,579 --> 00:41:38,380
So she she is is Slowly but surely.

1132
00:41:38,380 --> 00:41:41,259
Now you're starting to to lose some of

1133
00:41:41,259 --> 00:41:43,339
that weight. She's got a little waistline at

1134
00:41:43,339 --> 00:41:44,799
her back hips. It's adorable.

1135
00:41:45,579 --> 00:41:46,079
And,

1136
00:41:47,525 --> 00:41:49,364
as they should have, the the vet tech

1137
00:41:49,364 --> 00:41:51,285
and the, doctor fell in love with her.

1138
00:41:51,285 --> 00:41:52,664
Mhmm. How can you not?

1139
00:41:53,845 --> 00:41:55,925
Also, she did look pitiful because even though

1140
00:41:55,925 --> 00:41:58,184
this I've never been to a vet specialist

1141
00:41:58,244 --> 00:42:00,565
before. It's either been a busy vet's office

1142
00:42:00,565 --> 00:42:04,090
or the busy vet's ER office, right, where

1143
00:42:04,090 --> 00:42:06,429
it's all chaos all the time. This place

1144
00:42:06,650 --> 00:42:09,130
was quiet. We were, to our knowledge, the

1145
00:42:09,130 --> 00:42:10,889
only ones there. There was not a lot

1146
00:42:10,889 --> 00:42:12,510
of noise going on.

1147
00:42:13,210 --> 00:42:15,849
Very, very calm place. And she took one

1148
00:42:15,849 --> 00:42:18,585
sniff around and went, fuck this shit. Mhmm.

1149
00:42:18,585 --> 00:42:20,664
And we were dragging her down the hallway.

1150
00:42:20,664 --> 00:42:22,425
Now did I go out out of, like,

1151
00:42:22,425 --> 00:42:23,485
the little

1152
00:42:24,425 --> 00:42:26,105
jar thing they have on their desk? Mhmm.

1153
00:42:26,105 --> 00:42:27,704
A treat. Hold it in front of her

1154
00:42:27,704 --> 00:42:29,385
nose so she could sniff it and, like,

1155
00:42:29,385 --> 00:42:32,025
inch towards the exam room and she kind

1156
00:42:32,025 --> 00:42:33,144
of followed me. We just need to get

1157
00:42:33,144 --> 00:42:36,400
a a a stick to attach to a

1158
00:42:36,400 --> 00:42:39,039
harness with with a treat hanging off of

1159
00:42:39,039 --> 00:42:41,220
it. Yeah. Like, carrot on a stick. Mhmm.

1160
00:42:41,280 --> 00:42:41,780
So,

1161
00:42:43,360 --> 00:42:45,280
you know, as silent asked if there's a

1162
00:42:45,280 --> 00:42:46,900
goal weight. When we

1163
00:42:49,144 --> 00:42:51,784
adopted her, she was what? 60? She was

1164
00:42:51,784 --> 00:42:54,184
fifty seven pounds. Fifty seven. Mhmm. She needs

1165
00:42:54,264 --> 00:42:55,465
what the vet told us at the time

1166
00:42:55,465 --> 00:42:57,144
is she needs to stay between about fifty

1167
00:42:57,144 --> 00:42:58,905
five and sixty five Mhmm. To be at

1168
00:42:58,905 --> 00:43:00,284
her healthy weight. Yeah.

1169
00:43:00,585 --> 00:43:03,000
Yep. And she's getting there. And and I

1170
00:43:03,000 --> 00:43:03,980
I have noticed,

1171
00:43:04,920 --> 00:43:07,480
now and I I was kinda thinking that

1172
00:43:07,480 --> 00:43:10,039
there was weight, you know, dropped and because

1173
00:43:10,039 --> 00:43:11,160
I did see her,

1174
00:43:12,039 --> 00:43:12,699
you know,

1175
00:43:13,160 --> 00:43:15,640
moving around and jumping up and down couch

1176
00:43:15,640 --> 00:43:17,484
a little easier. I think if she was

1177
00:43:17,484 --> 00:43:20,625
more active, the weight loss would I mean,

1178
00:43:20,844 --> 00:43:22,605
I think that's true of everybody in this

1179
00:43:22,605 --> 00:43:23,105
household.

1180
00:43:23,565 --> 00:43:25,164
If we were more active, that would be

1181
00:43:25,164 --> 00:43:27,484
a little easier. And, Susan asked, there's eye

1182
00:43:27,484 --> 00:43:29,565
doctors for dogs? Apparently, yes.

1183
00:43:30,445 --> 00:43:34,400
They're they do dogs, cats, horses. Right. And

1184
00:43:34,400 --> 00:43:37,199
and apparently, even, like, small pets and Mhmm.

1185
00:43:37,440 --> 00:43:40,420
Non mammalian pets. Yeah. But, ultimately,

1186
00:43:40,880 --> 00:43:43,279
what they decided is they do not recommend

1187
00:43:43,279 --> 00:43:45,224
surgery surgery for her right now.

1188
00:43:46,345 --> 00:43:48,184
Well, he he he said she does not

1189
00:43:48,184 --> 00:43:49,405
have I think Glentropion.

1190
00:43:49,704 --> 00:43:51,545
No. But he also said that the thing

1191
00:43:51,545 --> 00:43:53,565
she does have this haze over her eye.

1192
00:43:54,744 --> 00:43:56,744
We're gonna try to prevent a thing that

1193
00:43:56,744 --> 00:43:58,765
can occur called bulla.

1194
00:43:59,460 --> 00:44:01,059
Anybody who's a vet person maybe knows stuff

1195
00:44:01,059 --> 00:44:02,179
that I don't know if I'm saying that

1196
00:44:02,179 --> 00:44:03,940
right, but these they're bubbles that can actually,

1197
00:44:03,940 --> 00:44:05,880
like, appear in, like, her eyeball.

1198
00:44:06,179 --> 00:44:09,300
And if that occurs, she could potentially need

1199
00:44:09,300 --> 00:44:11,940
surgery. But he's like, she's been really lucky

1200
00:44:11,940 --> 00:44:13,324
with her eyes so far, because we were

1201
00:44:13,324 --> 00:44:14,844
explaining how long her eye has been this

1202
00:44:14,844 --> 00:44:17,164
way. He's like, they haven't formed yet, the

1203
00:44:17,164 --> 00:44:19,324
bullet, whatever they're called. We're gonna do the

1204
00:44:19,324 --> 00:44:19,824
the

1205
00:44:20,125 --> 00:44:22,045
drops in her eye to try to prevent

1206
00:44:22,045 --> 00:44:23,964
them. And if it prevents them over the

1207
00:44:23,964 --> 00:44:25,025
next six months,

1208
00:44:25,530 --> 00:44:26,969
then you you're probably out of the woods

1209
00:44:26,969 --> 00:44:28,750
and should be fine. Okay.

1210
00:44:29,289 --> 00:44:31,130
So, yeah, she gets to live with eye

1211
00:44:31,130 --> 00:44:33,369
drops. And and as for the haze clearing

1212
00:44:33,369 --> 00:44:33,869
up,

1213
00:44:34,730 --> 00:44:36,570
it may, it may not. Yeah. He even

1214
00:44:36,570 --> 00:44:38,010
said our goal is not to clear up

1215
00:44:38,010 --> 00:44:39,130
the haze in her eye. It's to make

1216
00:44:39,130 --> 00:44:41,505
sure these little bubble things don't form. And

1217
00:44:41,505 --> 00:44:44,704
it's yeah. But it's Yeah. Eye drops twice

1218
00:44:44,704 --> 00:44:46,164
a day for six

1219
00:44:46,464 --> 00:44:46,964
months.

1220
00:44:47,424 --> 00:44:48,964
And, you know, he

1221
00:44:49,344 --> 00:44:51,184
he he stated, because I did ask,

1222
00:44:51,585 --> 00:44:53,045
you know, there is nothing

1223
00:44:53,344 --> 00:44:54,244
apparently painful

1224
00:44:54,704 --> 00:44:56,464
Yeah. For her about with any of this.

1225
00:44:56,464 --> 00:44:57,400
Mm-mm. Mm-mm.

1226
00:44:58,199 --> 00:44:59,340
Her she

1227
00:45:01,000 --> 00:45:02,860
she is not blind in the eye.

1228
00:45:03,639 --> 00:45:04,380
He said

1229
00:45:05,159 --> 00:45:07,559
her she still has sight in the eye,

1230
00:45:07,559 --> 00:45:09,855
it's just slightly hazed. And he said it's

1231
00:45:09,855 --> 00:45:11,775
mostly gonna be hazed in bright light. He's

1232
00:45:11,775 --> 00:45:13,795
like, so in dark light when her her

1233
00:45:14,014 --> 00:45:16,094
eyes, like, dilate and the pupils get really

1234
00:45:16,094 --> 00:45:16,594
big,

1235
00:45:17,135 --> 00:45:19,295
there's less of a haze. There's more pupil

1236
00:45:19,295 --> 00:45:20,815
than there is haze. He and he and

1237
00:45:20,815 --> 00:45:22,175
this was fascinating. He was like, I love

1238
00:45:22,175 --> 00:45:24,089
it when they explain shit so you can

1239
00:45:24,089 --> 00:45:26,010
kinda understand it. I liked it. He goes,

1240
00:45:26,010 --> 00:45:28,250
in bright light, those pupils get smaller. He's

1241
00:45:28,250 --> 00:45:30,329
like, well, then there's less more of the

1242
00:45:30,329 --> 00:45:31,389
haze is covering.

1243
00:45:31,769 --> 00:45:33,609
Mhmm. He said it's probably more like if

1244
00:45:33,609 --> 00:45:35,309
you go into a room when there's condensation

1245
00:45:35,449 --> 00:45:37,630
and fog after a hot shower. He's like,

1246
00:45:37,744 --> 00:45:39,664
she can see, but it's gonna be a

1247
00:45:39,664 --> 00:45:42,164
little foggy, a little blurry. I'm like, okay.

1248
00:45:42,224 --> 00:45:42,704
Now he,

1249
00:45:43,425 --> 00:45:45,585
you know, they they you know, I I

1250
00:45:45,585 --> 00:45:47,224
wanna say this about the vet tech Mhmm.

1251
00:45:47,344 --> 00:45:47,844
There.

1252
00:45:49,425 --> 00:45:49,925
She

1253
00:45:51,150 --> 00:45:51,650
was

1254
00:45:52,109 --> 00:45:54,769
familiar with pitties. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay?

1255
00:45:56,429 --> 00:45:57,089
And anytime

1256
00:45:58,109 --> 00:46:00,929
before she would do anything with Lola,

1257
00:46:03,234 --> 00:46:04,835
Like, she had to take some pictures of

1258
00:46:04,835 --> 00:46:06,594
Lola and and get some pictures of the

1259
00:46:06,594 --> 00:46:08,755
eye. She let her sniff the camera. Everything

1260
00:46:08,755 --> 00:46:09,795
she did, she let her sniff it first.

1261
00:46:09,795 --> 00:46:11,315
Everything she did, she let us let her

1262
00:46:11,315 --> 00:46:13,494
sniff it first. And I'm thinking, yeah.

1263
00:46:13,875 --> 00:46:15,635
Mhmm. That's how you do it. Like how

1264
00:46:15,635 --> 00:46:17,010
you do it. We do. I think Lolo

1265
00:46:17,010 --> 00:46:20,449
really wanted to like them. Yeah. Because they're

1266
00:46:20,449 --> 00:46:22,849
vet people. They're good with animals. They've they've

1267
00:46:22,849 --> 00:46:24,610
had us at ease. Yeah. But she was

1268
00:46:24,610 --> 00:46:27,010
just like, I hate this place and everything

1269
00:46:27,010 --> 00:46:28,784
about it. Yeah. I can smell the the

1270
00:46:28,784 --> 00:46:31,505
fear. Well, she's she she has been dragged

1271
00:46:31,505 --> 00:46:33,525
around I know. To a lot of different

1272
00:46:33,585 --> 00:46:35,744
appointments and and there's gonna be one more

1273
00:46:35,744 --> 00:46:37,344
coming up. Yeah. We're gonna go back to

1274
00:46:37,344 --> 00:46:39,585
getting her allergy shot. Allergy shot. There's a

1275
00:46:39,585 --> 00:46:41,829
good chance that some of the problems she's

1276
00:46:41,829 --> 00:46:43,829
experienced with her eye, because it was not

1277
00:46:43,829 --> 00:46:46,069
the entropion with the eyelids and the eyelashes

1278
00:46:46,069 --> 00:46:47,670
that we had no. It was not that.

1279
00:46:47,989 --> 00:46:49,750
There's a good chance that some of the

1280
00:46:49,750 --> 00:46:52,170
injury to her eye came from scratching

1281
00:46:52,469 --> 00:46:53,530
because of allergies.

1282
00:46:55,284 --> 00:46:56,425
So fun times there.

1283
00:46:57,925 --> 00:47:00,344
But, yeah, it was they were really nice.

1284
00:47:00,644 --> 00:47:02,824
It was very it's not your typical

1285
00:47:03,204 --> 00:47:05,545
not your typical vet experience. No chaos.

1286
00:47:06,085 --> 00:47:07,445
But, also, when I paid the bill, I

1287
00:47:07,445 --> 00:47:09,559
went, oh, that's right. This is a specialist.

1288
00:47:10,420 --> 00:47:13,559
Yep. These are specialist prices. Yes. Yeah.

1289
00:47:14,739 --> 00:47:16,260
Yeah. So one one of the questions he

1290
00:47:16,260 --> 00:47:18,500
did ask too over there, he goes, you

1291
00:47:18,500 --> 00:47:20,180
wouldn't happen to have any other animals at

1292
00:47:20,180 --> 00:47:21,079
home, do you?

1293
00:47:21,619 --> 00:47:23,160
Two ornery cats.

1294
00:47:24,875 --> 00:47:25,375
So

1295
00:47:25,914 --> 00:47:28,414
he, he said there there is a possibility.

1296
00:47:28,554 --> 00:47:30,074
They at this point, they do not know

1297
00:47:30,074 --> 00:47:31,755
for sure. It's too old to answer for

1298
00:47:31,755 --> 00:47:33,594
about. He he thinks there may be a

1299
00:47:33,594 --> 00:47:36,155
possibility that something poked into her eye, like

1300
00:47:36,155 --> 00:47:37,755
a a sharp, you know, like Like a

1301
00:47:37,755 --> 00:47:38,815
cat scratch? Club.

1302
00:47:39,434 --> 00:47:39,934
And,

1303
00:47:40,929 --> 00:47:43,809
you know, it it did not do serious

1304
00:47:43,809 --> 00:47:45,170
damage. It didn't go deep enough to do

1305
00:47:45,170 --> 00:47:46,610
serious damage. I'm gonna say, she is so

1306
00:47:46,610 --> 00:47:49,269
lucky. She is so lucky. Right. Right.

1307
00:47:49,809 --> 00:47:50,710
So, you know,

1308
00:47:51,250 --> 00:47:51,989
so what,

1309
00:47:52,449 --> 00:47:54,050
it could have been caused from her playing

1310
00:47:54,050 --> 00:47:55,795
with her toys, the way she gets she

1311
00:47:55,795 --> 00:47:57,875
gets very aggressive She does. With some of

1312
00:47:57,875 --> 00:47:59,554
her toys. And I egg her on. I

1313
00:47:59,554 --> 00:48:00,755
go, kill it, kill it, chill. I know.

1314
00:48:00,755 --> 00:48:01,574
I do too.

1315
00:48:05,715 --> 00:48:08,054
Yeah. So so that that's kinda

1316
00:48:08,514 --> 00:48:10,559
She gave JB side eye for the whole

1317
00:48:10,559 --> 00:48:12,800
rest of the day. Oh my god. When

1318
00:48:12,800 --> 00:48:13,780
we got home,

1319
00:48:14,960 --> 00:48:16,239
she did not wanna come right in the

1320
00:48:16,239 --> 00:48:18,579
house. Mm-mm. She wanted to stay outside.

1321
00:48:20,239 --> 00:48:21,700
She was so pissed at me.

1322
00:48:22,400 --> 00:48:23,885
I don't know why she stopped pissed at

1323
00:48:23,885 --> 00:48:26,045
me. I'm there too. She was so pissed

1324
00:48:26,045 --> 00:48:26,704
at me.

1325
00:48:27,804 --> 00:48:29,644
Kayla went in the house, and I was

1326
00:48:29,644 --> 00:48:31,484
like, okay, I'm gonna let her, you know,

1327
00:48:31,484 --> 00:48:33,244
walk a little bit. No. You know what

1328
00:48:33,244 --> 00:48:35,405
she did? She walked out into the middle

1329
00:48:35,405 --> 00:48:36,300
of our street

1330
00:48:36,860 --> 00:48:38,860
and lay down. Just and Just just lay

1331
00:48:38,860 --> 00:48:41,099
down. I'm not moving. You can't make me.

1332
00:48:41,099 --> 00:48:43,420
And nope. That's where that's where she She

1333
00:48:43,420 --> 00:48:45,820
became an immovable object. Yep. Now the one

1334
00:48:45,820 --> 00:48:47,900
thing that was it was heartbreaking, but it

1335
00:48:47,900 --> 00:48:50,405
was also super sweet. So at the vet

1336
00:48:50,405 --> 00:48:51,545
in the exam room,

1337
00:48:52,005 --> 00:48:54,425
they had this bench like seat that

1338
00:48:54,804 --> 00:48:56,344
might have been a little smaller

1339
00:48:56,885 --> 00:48:58,965
in length as, like, a love seat or

1340
00:48:58,965 --> 00:49:01,045
something. Right? There was only a foot and

1341
00:49:01,045 --> 00:49:03,640
a half amount, 18 inches max space between

1342
00:49:03,640 --> 00:49:04,460
me and JB.

1343
00:49:05,400 --> 00:49:07,719
When they started coming at her eyes to

1344
00:49:07,719 --> 00:49:09,320
put drops in, to look at them, to

1345
00:49:09,320 --> 00:49:11,019
get close, she jumped

1346
00:49:11,320 --> 00:49:13,960
up in between this she's not she's she's

1347
00:49:13,960 --> 00:49:16,244
not she's like her mom. She's big boned.

1348
00:49:16,385 --> 00:49:18,485
So she ain't a small girl.

1349
00:49:18,864 --> 00:49:22,065
She wedged herself in between us and then

1350
00:49:22,065 --> 00:49:23,744
hid her face, like, at the back of

1351
00:49:23,744 --> 00:49:25,684
this kinda wannabe couch thing.

1352
00:49:26,144 --> 00:49:27,824
And, you know, they were able to manipulate

1353
00:49:27,824 --> 00:49:28,166
her head safely so they could look at

1354
00:49:28,166 --> 00:49:28,193
her eyes. And she refused to be away

1355
00:49:28,193 --> 00:49:28,221
from us so bad that even as her

1356
00:49:28,221 --> 00:49:29,364
ass started to

1357
00:49:30,599 --> 00:49:31,099
refused

1358
00:49:31,800 --> 00:49:33,800
to be away from us so bad that

1359
00:49:33,800 --> 00:49:34,840
even as her ass started to fall off

1360
00:49:34,840 --> 00:49:36,456
the side, because there literally was not enough

1361
00:49:36,456 --> 00:49:37,420
room for her, she,

1362
00:49:38,039 --> 00:49:38,539
like,

1363
00:49:39,160 --> 00:49:40,860
front legs just kept herself

1364
00:49:41,160 --> 00:49:42,520
up. I I had to put an arm

1365
00:49:42,520 --> 00:49:44,920
under her butt. And then when she finally

1366
00:49:44,920 --> 00:49:47,914
hit her I cannot take this another fucking

1367
00:49:47,974 --> 00:49:48,474
second

1368
00:49:49,735 --> 00:49:52,295
moment, she Pushed herself behind me. Pushed herself

1369
00:49:52,295 --> 00:49:54,295
behind me. So I was just sitting on

1370
00:49:54,295 --> 00:49:54,954
the edge,

1371
00:49:55,494 --> 00:49:57,750
and she was pushing her weight into me.

1372
00:49:57,750 --> 00:49:58,949
I don't know if it was a comfort

1373
00:49:58,949 --> 00:50:00,150
thing or it's like, get the fuck off

1374
00:50:00,150 --> 00:50:02,469
this couch. It's mine. Or if I stay

1375
00:50:02,469 --> 00:50:03,829
close to you, they can't find me. I

1376
00:50:03,829 --> 00:50:05,349
don't know what it was. Right. But I

1377
00:50:05,349 --> 00:50:07,030
was like, okay. She doesn't hate us. She

1378
00:50:07,030 --> 00:50:09,829
thinks we're hers we're safe for her. She

1379
00:50:09,829 --> 00:50:11,429
wants to hide behind us. But

1380
00:50:13,125 --> 00:50:15,385
Yeah. And it just breaks your heart because

1381
00:50:15,764 --> 00:50:17,684
they're being kind hurt and they were in

1382
00:50:17,764 --> 00:50:19,925
the vet the tech was even like, we're

1383
00:50:19,925 --> 00:50:21,605
not gonna there's no shots. We're not even

1384
00:50:21,605 --> 00:50:23,844
taking temperature. We're just concerned with the eye.

1385
00:50:23,844 --> 00:50:24,985
Right. And,

1386
00:50:25,619 --> 00:50:27,960
so we understood as human beings

1387
00:50:29,139 --> 00:50:30,900
what it was fine, but she was just

1388
00:50:30,980 --> 00:50:32,260
she was so stressed out. She was like,

1389
00:50:32,260 --> 00:50:33,619
I don't wanna be here. I hate everything

1390
00:50:33,619 --> 00:50:35,699
about this. We walked into the lobby. The

1391
00:50:35,699 --> 00:50:36,659
lobby looked like,

1392
00:50:37,235 --> 00:50:39,394
like a human medical doctor's office. It was

1393
00:50:39,394 --> 00:50:41,974
very, very a special to specialist

1394
00:50:42,355 --> 00:50:42,855
office,

1395
00:50:43,394 --> 00:50:45,974
specialty office. What are words? I don't know.

1396
00:50:46,755 --> 00:50:48,054
Like, very nice.

1397
00:50:48,755 --> 00:50:50,675
And she she we were the only ones

1398
00:50:50,675 --> 00:50:51,335
in there.

1399
00:50:51,920 --> 00:50:54,000
She immediately noped out and went and put

1400
00:50:54,000 --> 00:50:56,160
her nose on the glass door to walk

1401
00:50:56,160 --> 00:50:57,519
out. She's like, we walked in this way.

1402
00:50:57,519 --> 00:50:59,300
We can walk out this way. Way out.

1403
00:51:00,640 --> 00:51:01,780
Yeah. Oh my god.

1404
00:51:02,400 --> 00:51:04,480
Look, she got a treat afterwards. Okay? Yes.

1405
00:51:04,480 --> 00:51:06,160
She did. She did. She got some munchkins

1406
00:51:06,160 --> 00:51:06,900
from Dunkin',

1407
00:51:07,815 --> 00:51:09,414
and they over they gave us too many,

1408
00:51:09,414 --> 00:51:11,894
so we also got some Munchkins from Dunkin'.

1409
00:51:11,894 --> 00:51:12,394
Yeah.

1410
00:51:12,934 --> 00:51:15,655
But So so that that's that's kinda where

1411
00:51:15,655 --> 00:51:17,434
Lola's at. Mhmm. Mhmm.

1412
00:51:18,534 --> 00:51:19,034
And,

1413
00:51:20,550 --> 00:51:21,289
what else?

1414
00:51:24,070 --> 00:51:26,070
I didn't announce it because it's almost over

1415
00:51:26,070 --> 00:51:27,510
as of day of recording. By the time

1416
00:51:27,510 --> 00:51:29,110
most people hear or watch this, it will

1417
00:51:29,110 --> 00:51:30,890
be over. Kinkery's been having a sale,

1418
00:51:31,510 --> 00:51:33,690
and you've been, like, running around

1419
00:51:34,135 --> 00:51:35,974
chicken head cut off kinda mode to get

1420
00:51:35,974 --> 00:51:37,195
the restocks done.

1421
00:51:38,055 --> 00:51:40,295
It's been, you know, it's been good for

1422
00:51:40,295 --> 00:51:41,815
those who can, you know, or like, yeah.

1423
00:51:41,815 --> 00:51:43,335
Yeah. I'll buy some new toys right now

1424
00:51:43,335 --> 00:51:44,635
while the world's on fire.

1425
00:51:47,255 --> 00:51:48,474
But that's taken up

1426
00:51:48,855 --> 00:51:49,675
a lot of

1427
00:51:50,369 --> 00:51:51,670
my time. Mhmm.

1428
00:51:52,289 --> 00:51:53,809
Okay. I'm only gonna talk about this because

1429
00:51:53,809 --> 00:51:55,089
I have bitched about this in the past,

1430
00:51:55,089 --> 00:51:58,049
and I was sort of pleasantly surprised. I

1431
00:51:58,049 --> 00:52:00,769
had my annual well woman visit where they,

1432
00:52:00,769 --> 00:52:03,730
you know Mhmm. Do the they root around

1433
00:52:03,730 --> 00:52:06,264
up there and make sure most all is

1434
00:52:06,264 --> 00:52:06,764
well.

1435
00:52:09,065 --> 00:52:11,144
I walk at first, I don't usually have

1436
00:52:11,144 --> 00:52:13,144
anxiety over going to the doctor. Like, I

1437
00:52:13,144 --> 00:52:15,304
mean, a kind of college disappointment is not

1438
00:52:15,304 --> 00:52:16,684
the most fun. Okay?

1439
00:52:18,184 --> 00:52:19,085
I I don't,

1440
00:52:20,109 --> 00:52:21,409
but I'm usually fine.

1441
00:52:22,349 --> 00:52:24,530
Something about it had me very anxious.

1442
00:52:25,469 --> 00:52:27,489
I think it was because I really don't

1443
00:52:27,630 --> 00:52:30,609
vibe with this doctor and every other appointment

1444
00:52:30,750 --> 00:52:31,934
prior I have felt like I've

1445
00:52:32,655 --> 00:52:34,494
had to fight for the treatment that, you

1446
00:52:34,494 --> 00:52:36,414
know, I think I need. I mean, I

1447
00:52:36,414 --> 00:52:38,835
defer to a doctor's expertise, but it's like,

1448
00:52:40,494 --> 00:52:42,735
everything I'm learning this can I try this,

1449
00:52:42,735 --> 00:52:44,815
please? Right? And and she's she's done it

1450
00:52:44,815 --> 00:52:46,949
for me. And this time, I walked in,

1451
00:52:47,030 --> 00:52:49,109
they already had my prescriptions ready. We didn't

1452
00:52:49,109 --> 00:52:51,109
even have to discuss whether I needed them.

1453
00:52:51,109 --> 00:52:52,889
I was like, oh, clearly you need them.

1454
00:52:54,070 --> 00:52:55,829
She actually knew what she was in there

1455
00:52:55,829 --> 00:52:57,589
for to do with me. I didn't have

1456
00:52:57,589 --> 00:52:59,269
to remind her three times like I have

1457
00:52:59,269 --> 00:53:00,250
done in the past.

1458
00:53:02,555 --> 00:53:05,035
She just we are still not in the

1459
00:53:05,035 --> 00:53:05,855
same, like,

1460
00:53:06,635 --> 00:53:08,555
we don't have the same vibe, but it

1461
00:53:08,555 --> 00:53:10,575
was such a much more pleasant

1462
00:53:11,355 --> 00:53:13,355
experience. And here's what I I realized, and

1463
00:53:13,355 --> 00:53:15,035
it's a thing that I think people know

1464
00:53:15,035 --> 00:53:16,255
but you don't think about.

1465
00:53:16,929 --> 00:53:19,250
Every other visit I'd had with her was

1466
00:53:19,250 --> 00:53:19,750
before

1467
00:53:20,769 --> 00:53:23,909
a knee? A knee surgery she desperately needed.

1468
00:53:24,130 --> 00:53:25,650
She was willing to, like, she had to

1469
00:53:25,650 --> 00:53:26,690
be out of work for like two or

1470
00:53:26,690 --> 00:53:28,309
three months for this knee surgery.

1471
00:53:29,414 --> 00:53:29,914
And

1472
00:53:30,695 --> 00:53:33,335
I'm thinking, I'm guessing that she was probably

1473
00:53:33,335 --> 00:53:36,614
stressed, probably in pain, very uncomfortable prior to

1474
00:53:36,614 --> 00:53:38,054
all that. She said her niece she told

1475
00:53:38,054 --> 00:53:40,535
me, knee surgery went really well. Yes. Because

1476
00:53:40,535 --> 00:53:41,605
I it's like talking to a completely different

1477
00:53:41,605 --> 00:53:41,684
person. No. And I was like, okay, that's

1478
00:53:41,695 --> 00:53:42,179
that is the power of having

1479
00:53:43,780 --> 00:53:44,500
a completely different person. No. I was like,

1480
00:53:44,500 --> 00:53:45,960
okay. That's that is the power

1481
00:53:46,260 --> 00:53:48,679
of having pain, stress, and or worry

1482
00:53:49,059 --> 00:53:51,380
alleviated a little bit because it she was

1483
00:53:51,460 --> 00:53:53,380
and, hell, maybe the couple months off to

1484
00:53:53,380 --> 00:53:55,300
just get away from it all helped as

1485
00:53:55,300 --> 00:53:56,359
well. I don't know.

1486
00:53:57,344 --> 00:53:58,324
But, yeah, it was

1487
00:53:59,184 --> 00:54:00,085
it was straightforward.

1488
00:54:01,264 --> 00:54:01,425
It

1489
00:54:02,065 --> 00:54:02,565
she

1490
00:54:03,344 --> 00:54:05,445
I didn't have to tell her 85 times

1491
00:54:05,824 --> 00:54:08,545
what was happening and why we're there. She

1492
00:54:08,545 --> 00:54:11,000
actually had I'd had blood work done in

1493
00:54:11,000 --> 00:54:13,719
December and normally she would just look at

1494
00:54:13,719 --> 00:54:15,639
the most recent blood work and never compare

1495
00:54:15,639 --> 00:54:17,480
it to anything and go, well, it looks

1496
00:54:17,480 --> 00:54:18,920
kind of okay to me. And I'd have

1497
00:54:18,920 --> 00:54:20,199
to go, well, I was looking at the

1498
00:54:20,199 --> 00:54:21,320
history of blood work and this

1499
00:54:22,199 --> 00:54:23,719
I mean, you have to advocate for yourself.

1500
00:54:23,719 --> 00:54:25,125
Sure, but I should not be

1501
00:54:26,005 --> 00:54:28,184
talking more doctor speak than the doctor.

1502
00:54:29,125 --> 00:54:30,804
And this time it just wasn't like that.

1503
00:54:30,804 --> 00:54:32,644
But I had gotten myself so worked up

1504
00:54:32,644 --> 00:54:33,385
and so,

1505
00:54:33,764 --> 00:54:34,264
like,

1506
00:54:34,565 --> 00:54:37,045
just on edge about the whole thing that

1507
00:54:37,045 --> 00:54:38,724
by the time got home, we ended up

1508
00:54:38,724 --> 00:54:41,799
running more errands after that. I I fell

1509
00:54:41,799 --> 00:54:42,299
apart.

1510
00:54:42,760 --> 00:54:43,339
It's like,

1511
00:54:43,880 --> 00:54:45,400
like my brain has not caught up with

1512
00:54:45,400 --> 00:54:46,679
the fact that we are not in fact

1513
00:54:46,679 --> 00:54:48,460
being chased by wild animals

1514
00:54:49,319 --> 00:54:50,679
and I built it up and then it

1515
00:54:50,679 --> 00:54:52,599
was anticlimactic. And I was, I think I

1516
00:54:52,599 --> 00:54:54,934
didn't know what to do next. Oh my

1517
00:54:54,934 --> 00:54:55,434
god.

1518
00:54:56,054 --> 00:54:57,114
I was like, I just

1519
00:54:57,815 --> 00:54:59,894
silent ass. They're still poking around up there

1520
00:54:59,894 --> 00:55:03,175
post hysterectomy. Yes. Not not. Okay. So anybody

1521
00:55:03,175 --> 00:55:04,074
who has ever,

1522
00:55:04,855 --> 00:55:06,715
had a pap smear, had a speculum

1523
00:55:07,094 --> 00:55:08,422
placed in places that speculums can go,

1524
00:55:11,030 --> 00:55:11,530
my

1525
00:55:11,910 --> 00:55:12,410
exam,

1526
00:55:13,190 --> 00:55:15,269
since I now have no uterus and no

1527
00:55:15,269 --> 00:55:15,769
cervix,

1528
00:55:16,390 --> 00:55:16,890
is

1529
00:55:17,429 --> 00:55:19,690
not as uncomfortable, physically uncomfortable,

1530
00:55:20,390 --> 00:55:23,865
and not quite as invasive. Like, that speculum

1531
00:55:23,925 --> 00:55:25,925
didn't have to hang out there for five

1532
00:55:25,925 --> 00:55:28,565
minutes. Right? There were no cotton swabs going

1533
00:55:28,565 --> 00:55:30,105
up there and zooshing around.

1534
00:55:31,684 --> 00:55:34,025
There was an exam, but, yeah, it was

1535
00:55:35,170 --> 00:55:37,989
my in my from my perspective, mild compared

1536
00:55:38,849 --> 00:55:42,530
to pre hysterectomy surgery. Gotcha. Mhmm. Mhmm. Okay.

1537
00:55:42,530 --> 00:55:43,030
Mhmm.

1538
00:55:44,449 --> 00:55:44,949
Yep.

1539
00:55:45,409 --> 00:55:47,329
Yeah. For anybody who's like, I didn't need

1540
00:55:47,329 --> 00:55:49,364
to know that much about the vagina. Well,

1541
00:55:49,445 --> 00:55:51,704
we all get to learn around here. Okay?

1542
00:55:53,684 --> 00:55:55,605
Y'all have to know that if I had

1543
00:55:55,844 --> 00:55:57,945
I am an clearly, I'm an oversharer

1544
00:55:58,324 --> 00:55:59,465
when I am comfortable.

1545
00:56:00,324 --> 00:56:02,070
If I had been getting periods this whole

1546
00:56:02,070 --> 00:56:03,829
whole time that y'all have known me in

1547
00:56:03,829 --> 00:56:05,510
this way, y'all heard way too much about

1548
00:56:05,510 --> 00:56:07,030
my periods too. I would tell you when

1549
00:56:07,030 --> 00:56:08,630
I had cramps and was cranky. I would

1550
00:56:08,630 --> 00:56:10,710
not hide that shit because if I have

1551
00:56:10,710 --> 00:56:12,550
to live with it, so does every fucking

1552
00:56:12,550 --> 00:56:13,369
body else.

1553
00:56:13,910 --> 00:56:16,170
But you have never known me.

1554
00:56:17,065 --> 00:56:17,565
Well,

1555
00:56:18,265 --> 00:56:19,545
the amount of time you know me, I've

1556
00:56:19,545 --> 00:56:20,445
never had a period.

1557
00:56:20,905 --> 00:56:21,405
Correct.

1558
00:56:21,784 --> 00:56:22,284
Yeah.

1559
00:56:22,744 --> 00:56:25,304
You you don't know how happy you should

1560
00:56:25,304 --> 00:56:26,525
be about that.

1561
00:56:31,650 --> 00:56:32,150
So

1562
00:56:32,530 --> 00:56:33,030
yeah.

1563
00:56:33,329 --> 00:56:34,949
Yeah. Excuse me.

1564
00:56:35,730 --> 00:56:37,730
Oh, and I had I had health concerns,

1565
00:56:37,730 --> 00:56:40,150
and she actually addressed them in a coherent

1566
00:56:40,289 --> 00:56:42,070
way and gave me a plan.

1567
00:56:42,610 --> 00:56:44,775
I was of action, and I was like,

1568
00:56:44,775 --> 00:56:47,175
okay. Okay. Look at you doctoring over here.

1569
00:56:47,175 --> 00:56:47,675
I'm

1570
00:56:48,614 --> 00:56:52,054
we're still two very different people. Right? Like,

1571
00:56:52,054 --> 00:56:54,135
we would not interact if we did not

1572
00:56:54,135 --> 00:56:55,675
have this professional relationship.

1573
00:56:56,614 --> 00:56:58,329
But, yeah, it was much better. So that

1574
00:56:58,329 --> 00:57:00,589
was nice. Mhmm. Pleasant surprise. Yeah.

1575
00:57:01,530 --> 00:57:04,269
And she she's so funny. Well woman exam

1576
00:57:04,809 --> 00:57:06,589
in a under US

1577
00:57:07,210 --> 00:57:09,849
health insurance laws, you're not supposed to be

1578
00:57:09,849 --> 00:57:11,289
charged for it. It's supposed to be it's

1579
00:57:11,289 --> 00:57:11,789
preventative.

1580
00:57:12,409 --> 00:57:14,204
You don't get billed for it. Except, because

1581
00:57:14,204 --> 00:57:15,664
of course there's fucking loopholes.

1582
00:57:16,045 --> 00:57:17,644
If they have to diagnose you with something

1583
00:57:17,644 --> 00:57:19,565
or write a brand new prescription for you

1584
00:57:19,965 --> 00:57:22,785
Yeah. Or discuss any health concerns,

1585
00:57:23,244 --> 00:57:25,005
then they have to bill for that. And

1586
00:57:25,005 --> 00:57:25,739
she she found

1587
00:57:27,340 --> 00:57:28,380
I'm not talking about it. It's fine. It's

1588
00:57:28,380 --> 00:57:29,900
nothing serious. I just don't wanna talk about

1589
00:57:29,900 --> 00:57:31,920
it. She found something. She's like, oh,

1590
00:57:33,260 --> 00:57:35,920
I found that. I'm diagnosing that.

1591
00:57:37,179 --> 00:57:38,619
She's gonna get billed, isn't she? And the

1592
00:57:38,619 --> 00:57:40,420
note taker's like, mhmm. She's gonna get billed.

1593
00:57:40,420 --> 00:57:41,655
I was like, thanks for

1594
00:57:43,175 --> 00:57:43,675
caring.

1595
00:57:44,135 --> 00:57:45,675
Thanks for caring. I appreciate

1596
00:57:46,135 --> 00:57:46,635
it.

1597
00:57:49,175 --> 00:57:49,994
So yeah.

1598
00:57:52,454 --> 00:57:54,375
Yeah. It was it was really weird. I

1599
00:57:54,375 --> 00:57:56,235
walked in expecting one thing,

1600
00:57:57,130 --> 00:58:00,110
completely different outcome, and then just kind of

1601
00:58:00,570 --> 00:58:02,969
emotionally collapsed. I we're driving down the road

1602
00:58:02,969 --> 00:58:04,889
running errands, and I'm like, tears are just

1603
00:58:04,889 --> 00:58:06,170
streaming. I'm like, I don't even know why

1604
00:58:06,170 --> 00:58:08,010
I'm crying. I just need to release the

1605
00:58:08,010 --> 00:58:09,150
pressure, I think.

1606
00:58:09,769 --> 00:58:11,070
It was weird. Yeah.

1607
00:58:14,554 --> 00:58:15,434
So yeah. I mean

1608
00:58:16,795 --> 00:58:19,034
oh, I think we're finally gonna be on

1609
00:58:19,034 --> 00:58:22,155
the the next step on the replace the

1610
00:58:22,155 --> 00:58:24,954
kitchen floor saga. Yes. Yes. Yes. The money

1611
00:58:24,954 --> 00:58:27,039
is finally gonna be, it looks like, back

1612
00:58:27,039 --> 00:58:27,780
in our hands

1613
00:58:28,319 --> 00:58:29,760
tomorrow. So we could go to the bank

1614
00:58:29,760 --> 00:58:31,440
and go, here, hold our money for us.

1615
00:58:31,440 --> 00:58:32,960
Mhmm. And then we gotta find a contractor.

1616
00:58:32,960 --> 00:58:34,719
Then we gotta find a contractor. Mhmm. I'm

1617
00:58:34,719 --> 00:58:36,239
hope so And I have thoughts, so I'm

1618
00:58:36,239 --> 00:58:37,699
gonna talk to you about that. Cool.

1619
00:58:38,079 --> 00:58:39,380
This is on top of,

1620
00:58:39,920 --> 00:58:41,715
we have to deal with the RAV. Mhmm.

1621
00:58:41,715 --> 00:58:43,315
And you you know, I did the research.

1622
00:58:43,315 --> 00:58:44,914
You Yeah. Got the next steps, so I've

1623
00:58:44,914 --> 00:58:46,775
thrown that to you. But we're under,

1624
00:58:47,075 --> 00:58:47,815
an artificial,

1625
00:58:48,515 --> 00:58:50,434
deadline because we wanna get it taken care

1626
00:58:50,434 --> 00:58:52,434
of and off our insurance before Before we

1627
00:58:52,434 --> 00:58:54,055
go. The next payment. Mhmm.

1628
00:58:54,914 --> 00:58:58,230
So Yeah. And then there's just always

1629
00:58:58,609 --> 00:59:00,690
something. You know, I'm I'm There's always something

1630
00:59:00,690 --> 00:59:03,109
to tell you. I I think the RAV

1631
00:59:03,170 --> 00:59:03,670
knows

1632
00:59:04,449 --> 00:59:06,469
because I moved it yesterday. Mhmm.

1633
00:59:06,849 --> 00:59:09,329
It ran just fine, didn't it? No. No.

1634
00:59:09,329 --> 00:59:12,344
It was bad. Yeah. Oh, no. I figured

1635
00:59:12,344 --> 00:59:13,945
it'd start, like, running like a champ for

1636
00:59:13,945 --> 00:59:15,304
you. It's like, don't get rid of me.

1637
00:59:15,304 --> 00:59:16,445
No. I like it here.

1638
00:59:16,744 --> 00:59:18,905
Well, I wish I didn't have to, but

1639
00:59:19,224 --> 00:59:22,025
yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know. It it, went

1640
00:59:22,105 --> 00:59:22,844
after I

1641
00:59:23,660 --> 00:59:26,400
started it. Mhmm. Oh, did not sound good.

1642
00:59:26,780 --> 00:59:28,640
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Did not sound good.

1643
00:59:29,340 --> 00:59:31,900
I we're gonna we're gonna get creative at

1644
00:59:31,900 --> 00:59:34,219
some point, I'm sure, about not just having

1645
00:59:34,219 --> 00:59:35,594
the Corolla because that's gonna be

1646
00:59:39,594 --> 00:59:41,215
did it. Yep. But it

1647
00:59:42,554 --> 00:59:45,215
that's not you don't usually see a Corolla

1648
00:59:45,355 --> 00:59:48,474
rock out. No. No. No. No. No. No.

1649
00:59:48,474 --> 00:59:49,534
Vans and pickups

1650
00:59:51,359 --> 00:59:52,099
or SUVs.

1651
00:59:52,480 --> 00:59:54,260
Yep. Yep. Yeah. Yeah.

1652
00:59:54,960 --> 00:59:56,500
Yeah. Yeah. And it's

1653
00:59:57,359 --> 00:59:59,119
it's kind of in the backcountry a little

1654
00:59:59,119 --> 01:00:01,119
bit, and you you don't, like, you drive

1655
01:00:01,119 --> 01:00:02,639
down a little lane, and then you kinda

1656
01:00:02,639 --> 01:00:04,914
go off road on Yeah. It's a grass.

1657
01:00:05,074 --> 01:00:06,375
It's a dirt driveway

1658
01:00:07,234 --> 01:00:08,054
that's about,

1659
01:00:08,675 --> 01:00:10,114
And you come off the driveway because you

1660
01:00:10,114 --> 01:00:12,614
park drive across the grass. Yeah. Right.

1661
01:00:13,635 --> 01:00:16,695
The Corolla. That's gonna be interesting. Mhmm. Mhmm.

1662
01:00:17,699 --> 01:00:19,639
That's gonna be interesting. Yep.

1663
01:00:21,539 --> 01:00:22,199
So yeah.

1664
01:00:22,820 --> 01:00:25,159
Yeah. I'm doing that, and we've, you know,

1665
01:00:25,380 --> 01:00:27,539
we were talking about doing some more yard

1666
01:00:27,539 --> 01:00:28,039
work,

1667
01:00:28,420 --> 01:00:29,940
stuff around the house that needs to be

1668
01:00:29,940 --> 01:00:31,800
done. Oh, yeah. It's another thing we're

1669
01:00:32,295 --> 01:00:34,875
working towards and might be doing getting tree

1670
01:00:35,014 --> 01:00:36,474
work done around here.

1671
01:00:37,094 --> 01:00:40,214
So that will be, get estimates for Oh,

1672
01:00:40,214 --> 01:00:40,714
god.

1673
01:00:41,014 --> 01:00:43,255
When we when we first when we first

1674
01:00:43,255 --> 01:00:45,255
moved in here, I had somebody come in

1675
01:00:45,255 --> 01:00:47,755
and freshly do all the Mhmm.

1676
01:00:48,110 --> 01:00:49,010
All the trees.

1677
01:00:49,630 --> 01:00:51,789
And and they did a really, really fine

1678
01:00:51,789 --> 01:00:53,010
job of it, and

1679
01:00:53,390 --> 01:00:54,030
I have been able to,

1680
01:00:58,349 --> 01:01:00,190
keep up with it, you know, for the

1681
01:01:00,190 --> 01:01:01,570
most part and keep it,

1682
01:01:02,514 --> 01:01:05,715
you know, maintained. Mhmm. But now it's back

1683
01:01:05,715 --> 01:01:06,775
to that point

1684
01:01:07,235 --> 01:01:09,954
that, kinda need a a professional to come

1685
01:01:09,954 --> 01:01:11,574
in with their Mhmm.

1686
01:01:12,114 --> 01:01:14,195
Cherry pickers and stuff and get up there

1687
01:01:14,195 --> 01:01:15,954
and There's a lot of fucking adulting in

1688
01:01:15,954 --> 01:01:16,695
this homeownership

1689
01:01:18,059 --> 01:01:21,019
Look, I'm I'm grateful that we have the

1690
01:01:21,019 --> 01:01:23,739
luxury truly of owning our own home. Yeah.

1691
01:01:23,739 --> 01:01:25,760
However, that luxury is then,

1692
01:01:27,099 --> 01:01:29,340
balanced out by the, oh my god, that

1693
01:01:29,340 --> 01:01:30,905
that has to be done too.

1694
01:01:32,244 --> 01:01:34,644
Mhmm. And and yet the oldest is now

1695
01:01:34,644 --> 01:01:36,105
finding out how

1696
01:01:36,405 --> 01:01:38,565
when things break down in an in a

1697
01:01:38,565 --> 01:01:39,465
rented apartment,

1698
01:01:39,844 --> 01:01:41,284
that maintenance is not,

1699
01:01:41,684 --> 01:01:43,784
gonna be right there. No. No.

1700
01:01:44,565 --> 01:01:46,280
I I don't think he's had the experience

1701
01:01:46,280 --> 01:01:48,440
yet, but he will probably, at some point,

1702
01:01:48,440 --> 01:01:50,199
have the experience of, yeah. Yeah. We came

1703
01:01:50,199 --> 01:01:51,400
out to look at that broken thing, but

1704
01:01:51,400 --> 01:01:53,400
we basically just, you know, put some duct

1705
01:01:53,400 --> 01:01:56,139
tape and spit on it. It'll hold together.

1706
01:01:56,199 --> 01:01:57,639
You'll call us when it breaks again, but

1707
01:01:57,639 --> 01:01:58,940
we're not putting any actual

1708
01:01:59,239 --> 01:02:00,135
funds into

1709
01:02:00,614 --> 01:02:03,414
truly fixing this. Yeah. He's he's having that

1710
01:02:03,414 --> 01:02:04,474
kind of Mhmm.

1711
01:02:04,934 --> 01:02:06,474
But I still I still

1712
01:02:07,094 --> 01:02:08,855
just revel in those moments where he looks

1713
01:02:08,855 --> 01:02:10,534
at me and goes, I can't believe I

1714
01:02:10,534 --> 01:02:12,695
wanted to be an adult this bad, this

1715
01:02:12,695 --> 01:02:15,199
soon. What the hell was I thinking? And

1716
01:02:15,199 --> 01:02:15,859
I'm like,

1717
01:02:16,159 --> 01:02:18,239
we tried to tell you. Tell you. You

1718
01:02:18,239 --> 01:02:20,559
didn't believe us. There's something you just gotta

1719
01:02:20,559 --> 01:02:21,619
discover for yourself.

1720
01:02:25,119 --> 01:02:25,279
So

1721
01:02:25,920 --> 01:02:26,420
Yeah.

1722
01:02:27,865 --> 01:02:30,184
Tayshia, I like that. Home ownership is a

1723
01:02:30,184 --> 01:02:31,644
fight against entropy.

1724
01:02:32,105 --> 01:02:32,925
Yeah. Yeah.

1725
01:02:33,785 --> 01:02:36,265
I like that. It's true. I I say

1726
01:02:36,265 --> 01:02:38,105
let the land take it back. Just let

1727
01:02:38,105 --> 01:02:39,805
mother nature have it. Okay?

1728
01:02:40,265 --> 01:02:42,260
Let the ivy grow over the house. I'll

1729
01:02:42,260 --> 01:02:43,699
turn this into a cave. I'll just stay

1730
01:02:43,699 --> 01:02:44,839
in here and never leave.

1731
01:02:45,699 --> 01:02:48,500
Have the, you know, delivery drivers throw packages

1732
01:02:48,500 --> 01:02:50,659
out and, you know Yeah. Cut my way

1733
01:02:50,659 --> 01:02:52,900
out with a machete and just let let

1734
01:02:52,900 --> 01:02:54,280
it go back to the land.

1735
01:02:54,980 --> 01:02:55,719
It's fine.

1736
01:02:57,535 --> 01:02:59,695
Yeah. Yeah. I think that right now, it's

1737
01:02:59,695 --> 01:03:01,054
hard to be like, oh, we've got this.

1738
01:03:01,054 --> 01:03:02,894
Or we haven't even had a chance to

1739
01:03:02,894 --> 01:03:03,875
talk about, like,

1740
01:03:04,735 --> 01:03:05,795
doing more things

1741
01:03:06,255 --> 01:03:06,755
purposefully

1742
01:03:07,535 --> 01:03:10,414
and specifically towards our power exchange because it's

1743
01:03:10,414 --> 01:03:10,914
fucking

1744
01:03:11,710 --> 01:03:14,750
adult life bullshit. There's there's been a lot

1745
01:03:14,750 --> 01:03:17,410
there's been a lot of adulting lately. Yes.

1746
01:03:17,469 --> 01:03:18,050
There has.

1747
01:03:18,910 --> 01:03:19,410
But

1748
01:03:21,630 --> 01:03:23,230
we're getting shit done. We are getting shit

1749
01:03:23,230 --> 01:03:24,914
done. And it is a nice feeling to

1750
01:03:24,914 --> 01:03:27,235
finally get shit done. And and we're we're

1751
01:03:27,235 --> 01:03:29,894
moving forward on many things. Mhmm. So,

1752
01:03:30,195 --> 01:03:31,574
you know, I I

1753
01:03:32,755 --> 01:03:33,894
I feel feeling,

1754
01:03:35,315 --> 01:03:37,589
more and more in a good place. Mhmm.

1755
01:03:37,809 --> 01:03:40,130
Yeah. You are definitely steadier and calmer and

1756
01:03:40,449 --> 01:03:40,949
Mhmm.

1757
01:03:41,489 --> 01:03:43,969
Yeah. I'm I'm the one struggling, not because

1758
01:03:43,969 --> 01:03:44,949
there's, you know,

1759
01:03:45,329 --> 01:03:47,429
life is bad or anything. It's just it's

1760
01:03:47,969 --> 01:03:50,130
I I it's a little too chaotic, and

1761
01:03:50,130 --> 01:03:52,224
I can't settle. And I just I just

1762
01:03:52,224 --> 01:03:53,284
I just wanna

1763
01:03:54,704 --> 01:03:56,304
I I just want to do the things

1764
01:03:56,304 --> 01:03:57,664
I wanna do in the way I wanna

1765
01:03:57,664 --> 01:03:59,105
do them, when I wanna do them on

1766
01:03:59,105 --> 01:04:01,204
my own time with no misrepresentations.

1767
01:04:02,224 --> 01:04:03,284
That's all I want.

1768
01:04:05,664 --> 01:04:05,905
But

1769
01:04:10,380 --> 01:04:12,300
I don't have anything else. About it for

1770
01:04:12,300 --> 01:04:14,320
me. I mean, yeah. I've been Yeah.

1771
01:04:17,340 --> 01:04:19,554
What? I don't know. Yeah. I know. No.

1772
01:04:19,554 --> 01:04:21,074
I'm just playing with my hair now. Podcast

1773
01:04:21,074 --> 01:04:23,074
listeners, I'm sorry you don't get that to

1774
01:04:23,074 --> 01:04:25,414
see that because I'm sure it's scintillating.

1775
01:04:27,074 --> 01:04:28,594
All that being said, this was not really

1776
01:04:28,594 --> 01:04:31,394
an extended bonus section. Sorry. We're a little

1777
01:04:31,394 --> 01:04:32,614
too boring right now.

1778
01:04:34,949 --> 01:04:36,869
So I guess we should go. Yeah. I

1779
01:04:36,869 --> 01:04:38,630
think there's things you wanted to do. There

1780
01:04:38,630 --> 01:04:40,389
are. I'm positive there are things I'm supposed

1781
01:04:40,389 --> 01:04:41,769
to be doing. There are?

1782
01:04:42,469 --> 01:04:43,670
Do I remember what they are? No. I

1783
01:04:43,670 --> 01:04:45,190
don't. That's what to do lists are for.

1784
01:04:45,190 --> 01:04:46,389
Did I write a to do list? No.

1785
01:04:46,389 --> 01:04:47,530
I did not. What?

1786
01:04:48,550 --> 01:04:49,994
What? So we're gonna

1787
01:04:51,195 --> 01:04:51,515
go.

1788
01:04:51,994 --> 01:04:54,494
We will see y'all next week. Yep.

1789
01:04:56,394 --> 01:04:57,595
And that's all I got to say about

1790
01:04:57,595 --> 01:04:59,775
that? Mhmm. Okay. Bye. Bye.