You're listening to Loving BDSM podcast episode four
twenty eight. Kayla Lords here with the one,
the only, the oh my god. You're so
fucking frustrating, but I love you, John Brownstone.
That's me. Yeah. In a nutshell. Uh-huh. And
and it's on theme for today's time.
You know that works both ways. Right? You
know, I'm a giver. I,
I just
wanna give you everything you need, you want,
and things you think you don't I never
even knew I'm And the things you think
you don't need or want, but they really
are good for you.
Mhmm. Sure.
On with the show. You know what? This
actually is in line with today's episode.
You're right. That's a sad news. We
know that we could use some lighthearted moments
right now as the world burns around us,
but
but and not but. And we thought you
could too.
So let's talk about the nonserious,
silly.
They're not really arguments. It's not really conflict,
but it's Poignments.
It's it's the push and pull and small
frustrations,
that I have found in power exchange specific
to power exchange.
These are not this is not arguments I
would get into with anybody.
That one.
Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this
is your first time listening, glad to have
you. If you're back for another week, welcome
back. Loving BDSM is produced every Monday and
Friday for your kinky pleasure and education, and
show notes are found at lovingBDSM.net.
Come back often and feel free to add
the podcast to your favorite podcast app. You
can also follow the show on FetLife at
loving BDSM PC. That PC stands for podcast,
y'all. On Instagram and technically threads at that
handle I will forever fucking hate.
Loving d s and the number one. So
it's at loving d s one.
On blue sky, at lovingBDSM.
All the stuff they put in handles.
If you just search, lovingBDSM,
we'll show up. Or on YouTube at youtube.com/lovingBDSM
where you can watch us live from the
podcast every Wednesday. All links are in the
show notes.
Okay. Looking good. Hopefully, no more technical issues
for the podcast. Okay. So,
the main and the only and the most
important,
announcement is just a reminder
that we are still in our 2025
Patreon membership drive. Why do I give so
much time? Because people have money come in
and out at really weird times, and I
wanna give everybody an opportunity. But as of
the date of recording,
February 5, there are ten days left if
you wanna take advantage of the membership drive.
So why should you join,
during the membership drive? Well, if you are
a member as of February 15
at 11:59PM
eastern
when the drive ins,
you will receive,
something
extra and special,
for being a member during the membership drive.
If you are in the 2 and $5
tiers,
you will get at no charge the brand
new
communication and power exchange workbook that I am
still working on.
Won't have been released yet. You won't have
to pay anything extra for it. You'll just
get it. And, actually, everybody gets that because
if you're in the $10 tier,
you get that, but you also get
our tenth anniversary
exclusive
enamel pin, pin, p I n, pin.
We're actually going to place that order probably
this week. Mhmm. I'm having to do estimates
based on how many folks there are, but
I'm not gonna be mad if I have
to put in a separate order, y'all. Like,
a second one. It'll be okay.
But we're getting that early because
I don't know if where we get our
pins made, they're having to change some things
because, you
know,
countries are in trade wars right now.
So and a lot of things come from
China. So that'll be interesting. So,
yeah, we're gonna try and get that those
ordered, but that is your opportunity if you
join during the membership drive. The other perk
potentially of joining during the membership drive,
is you can get two months free if
you sign up as an annual member, which
means you pay once and they get access
for a year.
The two months free is you you pay
for ten months, you get twelve months of
access.
Everybody who joins our Patreon gets access to
our Discord server,
gets
you can join us in game night or
movie night. We alternate each month between one
of those.
And we do a behind the scenes podcast
episode each month where this year, we're focusing
on our power exchange and how things are
developing.
It's a little bit more personal. There might
be things we don't share that we wouldn't
share here Mhmm.
That we would share there. If you join
at the $5 tier, you get access to
JB reading bedtime stories and me learning how
to edit podcasts.
The first, the first episode,
of that came out at the very January.
It was very short that we are hoping
they'll be longer,
but, but, yeah, that that's happening. And then
if you're in the $10
tier,
you get access to every digital workbook, planner
sheet, coloring book product that we ever make
at no additional charge.
So
link is in the places. Mhmm.
That's all I can think to say about
that. We hope you can join us. If
you're able, we we understand.
If you are not able to do that,
like, that's not in your budget, dude, we
get it.
If you ever wanna just, like, help out
the channel, help us out, help us keep
being weirdos on the Internet who try to
help other kinksters,
just share, like,
an episode that helped you or, you know,
mention us to your kink friends or whatever,
and that is truly, truly helpful. So
that's all I have to say about that.
K.
And we will get into
what I hope
is,
a lighthearted episode because I think we could
all use it. I think we could all
use it. It's a little chaotic out there.
So,
these are not I call them conflicts. I
call them arguments. They're really, really not. When
we're talking about them amongst ourselves, I say
that we're fussing at one another because I'm
Southern and that's a term we use as
fussing. Okay?
Yes. It is.
They are never
at the level of genuine frustration, like, we
have to go into separate rooms and cool
off. No. Typically,
when
often it's me, but not always. One of
us breaks the tension. We end up laughing
at ourselves because we're being silly.
But I have
noticed
that there are at least two that feel
very much, like, power exchange y.
I'm sure it can transfer to other types
of relationships. I'm sure it does. But these,
for me, are very specific to our power
exchange.
And I just thought we'd talk about it.
We'd, you know, dissect it a little bit
because I like to do things like that.
Because I am a weirdo on the Internet
with a microphone.
And we'll just keep it light. It hell,
this might be a short I might have
everything I need to say in twenty minutes.
I don't know. I might go two hours.
May the odds be ever in your favor.
I don't know.
I did,
man got a pillow. Do I take a
nap? You're part of the conversation. Are we
gonna do one of these silly little conflicts
in front of everybody?
That's one. That's one
where I feel like I have to be
a little not assertive. That's where not aggressive.
Assertive. And he just laughs. And then I
get, like, am I coming across as too
assertive? This was not in my notes, but
they were like, am I being too assertive?
He's laughing. So clearly, I was not. But
also,
I I don't I'm not comfortable talking to
anybody like that. But also now I'm frustrated
because, come on, could we
do we get the same fate?
Go ahead.
So I did try to take notes because
these happen
at really random times and relatively infrequently. So
they're not top of mind. They're not super
we're not, like, having, like, a a check-in
with one another after these. Like, it's not
it's just it's not to that level. It
is just
people being silly. So let's let's do the
first one that actually inspired
The this. Okay.
Alright.
So we're we're talking about a thing. It
could be picking a movie to watch. It
could be where do we wanna go for
lunch. It could be a thing we're going
to do. Okay?
And we each
have
a different
like, we would each choose something different.
But JB is the decider.
And so I do a thing that I
don't know if y'all ever seen me do
before. I'm sure you haven't.
I interrupt him while he's trying to tell
me what he's decided
because another thought popped up.
And he takes that information in really fast
and then
clearly changes his mind. Clearly, like, he was
gonna say a and now I added this
thought, he's gonna say b.
D.
No. You haven't done that yet. You're about
to see some silly conflict because he is
clearly in a mood.
Okay. So he was gonna say a. I
interrupted,
blurted out
some new information about what I was thinking
about, what I wanted. So he changes his
what was gonna be choice a to choice
b in my favor,
and my brain can't handle it. So I'm
like, no. But what do you want? And
he goes, we're gonna do this. I'm like,
yeah, but you're choosing that for me. What
do you want? Because I don't actually care.
If I cared, I would have said, hey,
please can we do this thing? I don't
care what the outcome is. What do you
want?
And he goes, well, this is fine. And
anybody who knows what I'm about to say,
you know. This is fine is,
to me,
code for,
I guess I'll live with it. I didn't
get what I wanted, but it's fine.
And my submissive self cannot handle it. So
then we end up, I think five minutes
last time, going back and forth. Now, could
JB
shut it down with one dumb look
and an exasperated tone?
Yes, he could. If he got, like, genuinely
serious with me, he could he would hurt
my feelings, but he could shut it down.
But I don't know if you're having a
good time in these interactions.
I don't know if you're letting off some
of your own steam and frustration, but we
genuinely went back and forth, back and forth.
And
I just kept going, but I want whatever
you want. Let me give you what you
want. And what I want is what you
want, damn it. Except that's not what he
said. He just kept going, but it's fine.
It's fine.
It's not fine. What do you want,
my darling daddy dom, who is the decider
of all things?
And, yes, anybody who's about to, like, try
to talk sense over here. Of course, if
he said that's what he wanted, then that's
what he wanted because he's the decider. I
know. But I'm also paying enough attention to
know he changed his mind and I want
him to get exactly what he wants. I
do not want to be an influence on
that. Except in the times I do want
to influence it. This isn't one of those
times. How how do those
I sound like a crazy person whatever. I
know. You are. I am. Part of my
charm.
When we're in those moments Mhmm. How are
you feeling? What are you thinking? What's going
through your work? Oh, I love it. Do
you? I'm almost in tears sometimes. I'm so
I'm not frustrated in an angry way, but
I'm like a I just wanna do it,
you know. I know this is probably gonna
drive you nuts when I say it, but
I feel when when the when we're doing
that, when we're Mhmm. I'm I'm in my
element.
That makes sense. It well,
is it your dom element, your sadist element,
or your bratty element? All of the above.
Oh my god. All of the above. Because
when we're in the in that kind of
mode, I can exercise all those things. So
you Okay. You can see my brain melting
down over its fine and you can just
keep it safe. How far can I get
it to melt?
So
we haven't talked about this in, I think,
probably years.
But what I'm hearing is I keep being
mind fucked and not knowing I'm mind fucked.
And now I'm being I'm realizing in this
moment with an audience
that you mind fuck me in these situations.
You
look so proud of yourself. You look so
proud of yourself.
Oh my god. Oh my god.
So what would I have to do for
you to know you've gone too far? Do
I need to, like I would not because
I can't and I but I have to,
like, break down in tears when I have
to get legitimately angry? Safe word.
What? You should've, like, sent me a memo.
So
I
mean, so when you tell me it's fine,
you know, it's the it's fine is making
me crazy. Of course.
Okay. So
thinking back to that last little
back and forth. Right? Mhmm. That silly little
conflict that wasn't really conflict.
What did you actually genuinely
want in that like, did you want the
suggestion I made? Or were you so ambivalent
to either one? It was like, oh, this
is an opportunity to have fun.
No. I I actually
I actually did want
what you wanted
at the time. You couldn't just tell me?
I got to mind fuck me.
Come on. It was a lot more fun
that way. Oh, bro.
We have room. For you.
For you.
I'm so glad
I could be a source of fun and
amuse it for you. I live to serve.
I live to serve.
I live. Hey. To serve. For all the
grief
that you give me.
I mean, I'm not gonna say I don't
give you grief. Yeah. But my grief comes
in a
in a, ultimately, you're gonna get what you
want. I'm trying to, like, nudge that's the
second one we're about to do. I'm trying
to nudge you to that point. Yeah.
So
before I knew I was being mind fucked
here's the thing. I have no doubt
that minimum half the people listening
went, he's mind fucking her the moment I
described it and explained it. I just need
to know that some people out there did
not know until he admitted it, so I
know I'm not alone. Okay? We've talked about
that
God
you are who you are, and our relationship
is what it is. Because I believe every
Because I believe every word that comes out
of your mouth. The only time I don't
is if I see the sadistic little sparkle
in your eye and I go, wait. Are
you fucking with me?
But he tells me a thing and I
go, clearly,
that is fact. And I will, you know,
I will deal with that information however I
deal with it. It literally
never fucking occurs to me that you are
mind
fucking me. Never.
Never.
Never. I am the little duckling following him
wherever what whatever path we're fucking on. I
mean, until I veer off the path and
he's like, get your ass back here or
follows me. But
you know what I meant.
Because when when I before I knew I
was being mind fucked, I was thinking of
it, from my perspective at least, as I
desperately want to give you what you want.
Mhmm. And I feel
like I am somehow
not doing that. Oh, but you are.
Now I know.
Oh my god.
I am so glad I could be
both a source of amusement for you and
for everybody else out there going, oh, lord.
I can't wish you didn't see that one.
Oh my god.
So for anybody who's like, how can I
don't like to do this and how can
I be, you know, my bratty self or
my sadistic self as a dumb without, like,
doing things I don't wanna do? This. This.
Just mind fuck your partner.
Just fucking mind fuck them
with their own my trust in you is
what allows you to mind fuck me. Yes.
My absolute, utter belief in you.
Mhmm. Oh, yeah. And you have no complexion.
You're like, yeah. I know. I'm using that
to my phone. Yeah. So x in the
livestream
I'm gonna read what Silent said earlier because
that was on point too. But x said
in the livestream, desperately trying to give him
what he wants while simultaneously
getting him exactly what he wants.
Yeah.
Goddamn it. No. But Silent, thank you. This
is a wonderful description. Silent in the livestream
chat. So there are two crows in Kayla's
brain. One is a people pleaser and the
other has ADHD, and they cannot stop screaming
at each other. And then she goes, and
clearly JB is standing between them with a
bag of peanuts. Peanut. Peanut pew. Peanut pew.
Peanut pew. Peanut
I'm not what I'm about to say, I'm
not saying to take away your fun. Have
your fucking fun. Here's here's the thing. Here's
here's what will happen. We will have this
conversation.
I feel away right now. Foolish is what
I feel.
And and it's funny, and I know it
is. And then give it a week or
two, we will be in that same back
and forth.
I'll just be frustrated going, but I wanna
give you what you want. And he'll go,
but that's fine. Just to watch me get
spun up. I will forget. I will forget
every time. Folks, how many years have we
been sitting in front of these mics? Ten.
Okay.
And and how many Nine and a half.
How many times how many times
have I said I live for that back
and forth between us? But you speak to
me. You say words to me about your
wants or your
thoughts or your beliefs or your I believe
you
without question.
If you keep like, if you were looking
at me like that,
podcast listeners, I wish you could've seen that
little sparkle in his eye. It was a
devious sparkle.
If you look at me like that Mhmm.
Yes.
I'm gonna go wait.
Something's up here. He's having way too much
fun. But have you ever noticed I'm sure
you have. Maybe I should learn to play
poker. Probably.
Well, I don't know. You get proud of
yourself when the evil glint will be in
your eye. That's true. I'm not sure you
have. You do with me, but I think
you have a poker face with me because
I'm not always paying that much attention. I'm
doing several things at once. My mind is
in several places at
once.
But I think that's the other part. When
we start having these back and forths of
what do you wanna do, what do you
like, make a decision between a and b,
and I clearly want b,
and I don't know that you clearly want
b either. You're fucking with me. I'm usually
doing something else. Mhmm. And so I'm not
focusing on you until I get to that
point of frustration. Do you remember? I swiveled
my chair around. I was like, but what
do you want? Right.
Mhmm. Mhmm. Yeah.
Excuse me, folks.
Don't hurt yourself.
Yourself. Okay.
Okay.
So now that we've all learned that Kayla
can be mind fucked way too easily or
reminded, some of y'all already knew you've been
here for these moments.
Okay. Okay. This one happened last night. I
went, oh, you have to attempt to remember
this
until the next morning to write it down.
So look. Look. Look. I know what this
is gonna sound like when I describe it.
I wanna go on the record.
That I do not consider myself a brat.
I just I want that as not a
label I use for myself.
No matter how this sounds to anybody out
there.
So first of all, I have to set
the scene for you you for where this
specific example comes from. It is not the
only way this happens. It's just
the most recent and it's top of mind.
So I think we've mentioned this in episodes
in the past.
By the time we go to bed and
it's like we're putting, like, we're reading at
night before we go to sleep. Right?
By the time we have put all devices
away, we're not reading. We're genuinely kinda laying
down in that last little moment before we
finally go, let's try to go to sleep.
We turn the sleep story on that kind
of thing.
We lay there, and it's it's this intimate,
like, moment of quiet
closeness. We're together.
And I can't handle that, so I get
zoomies.
If I don't get zoomies, I was I'm
sick or I I'm exhausted from the day
Yeah. Emotionally or physically.
So most of the time, I get Zoomies.
I feel like I'm do you remember the
time I explained what budgie budgie was? Yeah.
This is how I I feel like I'm
a crazy person trying to explain our crazy
shit to
people. Okay. So we mostly sleep naked.
I always run hot. JB always runs cold.
We have this little ritual we do where
I
put my humidities on him because he's cold
and these girls are warm. Okay? It's a
furnace under there. So we're very pressed up
against one another. Try to cool the nuclear
reactor. We are we're very pressed up against
one another. And I get my zoomies. And
so I get wickled and I move around.
And for a long time, that was just
what I did. He might go calm down,
baby girl. Just, you know, it's time to
sleep. He might get, like, say something verbally,
and I would mostly listen.
And then at some point,
semi recently, he started doing this thing where
he would just wrap his arm around and
pin me to the bed.
Fucking hell. I love that shit.
That was happening at around the time we
were kinda starting to reconnect. Yes. Right? Because
you were feeling playful again, and you're kinda
getting a little rougher than you had been,
which I fucking love. I fucking love. I
don't want I don't have the I mean,
I will. I don't but I don't love
being tied up with ropes, but you wanna
pin me down in a way where I
can still breathe so I don't get claustrophobic
and panic? I'm here for it. Well,
I
might I might sometimes be
somebody who has to push against the boundaries
that I've been set up for her.
So I will get wiggly
until he pins me down,
and then I'll keep wiggling just to see
what he's gonna do.
I understand how that makes me sound.
That is still not a label I use
for myself.
So last night,
this this is our routine.
And I can tell when he's not in
the mood, he's really tired.
I might get zoomies, but he's they're we're
not flying. Well, just shut it down. Right.
Right. But last night,
I'm wiggling and wiggling, and he pins me.
And then he lets up, and I wiggle
and wiggle. And I'm, like, exaggerating. It's clear
what I'm doing. I can't mind fucking anybody.
Okay. I know. I somehow become an octopus
in the bed. Where did she get all
these limbs? Why are they all moving?
But
it's obvious what I'm doing. I'm not I
can't my fuck shit. Okay? He knows what
I'm doing. I know what I'm doing. He
does not pin me down.
I almost start crying.
He's like, what is wrong? And I said,
yes. I'm clearly doing this so you will
pin me down and when you don't pin
me down, I think you don't care about
me.
So I hurt my own fucking feelings.
That's why it's a silly little conflict,
Clearly one-sided.
It did well, here's what I liked about
it. I was able to give
clear communication on a thing that was
look. When I say bothering, I mean
on the level
of, like,
it really is not a bother. It's more
of a, I kinda wish that had gone
different. Right?
It's not a real concern. It's not a
real problem. But I was, like, a little
bothered by it. And I'm not used I'm
there are certain things I'm not good at
communicating. I have I have to make myself
do it.
But when we have these moments, I do
find I am communicating
better because Mhmm. I think it's because I
was in baby girl, like, mode. I mean,
even my my voice was Oh, yeah. Looser,
more relaxed.
And did I pout and whine? Of course
I did.
So one,
for just to clarify,
do not consider myself a brat.
We were doing a simple cause and effect
here. Okay? I wiggle, he pins. I wiggle,
he pins. This is what I like. The
zoomies have to be contained somehow so we
could both sleep.
And then he interrupted the pattern,
and I didn't like that.
So here's
Can't give them what they want all the
time. Yes, you can.
I try to give you what you want
when you let me. But this is different.
I
know. I don't like it.
So
in the
that was a moment where you were not
play acting. You were you found that highly
amusing. That was hilarious to you. But I'm
curious,
mostly because I like to, like, peek into
the mind of a dominant that I clearly
do not understand because I can't even tell
when I'm being mind fucked.
What are you thinking about in those moments?
Is it just a teasing playful thing? Or
is there, like, a process in your brain
that's like
It's it's a teasing playful thing.
Okay? That that's really what it comes down
to.
And,
the most that's going on in my head
is how far can I take this? Oh
my god.
Yeah. You yeah.
My
edge of the cliff is way further back
than your edge of the cliff.
But you know what that is? It's because
I I
don't want genuine conflict. Mhmm. I'm not good
at
the back and forth of even pretend
superficial,
playful arguing. Like, that's,
like, that's a thing that I kinda
I don't know. I don't know if it's
a it's a thing my brain is just
pushing back against. I don't know if it's
an anxiety thing. Like, I don't know where
it's happening in my body, but my body
is like, danger. Danger. Do not push too
hard.
And what I'm hearing is Well, dangerous
for you. Yeah. But I'm, like, I'm I'm
my brain or my body or my whatever
is interpreting it as literal real danger and
not playful danger. Gotcha. But that's also because
this is one that didn't make the list,
but it's very true.
Depending on my headspace,
and so I can't ever predict if I'll
react this way. Sometimes he can give me
the dumb voice, and I kinda turn into
a pouty teenager. I'm like, whatever. It's fine.
I'm not dumb enough to let him hear
me mumble to
myself. And sometimes I push
I'm not reading the room
right well, and I push,
and you give me
right. You and it's You're poking a bear
now. Right. Right. And it's so here's what's
funny. This is this is my problem with
conflict, and I'm pretty sure we did an
episode on conflict.
Maybe a few episodes. Anyway, I'm so conflict
averse that even though
my logical rational brain goes, he does not
hate you, He's not genuinely angry with you.
He would only be angry with you if
you kept pushing.
You're not actually in any danger.
My
my anxiety
leaps up like I'm being chased by lions.
Okay? In the across the Savannah.
And I just I oh, and that is
the thing. And
I don't know if I'll ever be able
to do the back and forth push and
pull
as far to the edge as you're able
to take it. Mhmm. Because
I
look. All of this personality really cannot be
contained,
and I know it's a lot. I needed
a microphone and a ten year long podcast
to get some of it out. Okay?
So I don't actually trust that I won't
push too hard,
and I won't get angry daddy dom or
annoyed daddy dom.
And the part of me that is
the good girl You have experienced that if
you don't. I don't like it. I don't
like it. I don't like it.
I don't like it. Like,
look. This is really a conversation for a
therapist. I'm aware. But I spent all of
my formative years,
all of my childhood through teenage years into
college
desperately not wanting to be in trouble,
not wanting to be perceived
as,
a problem.
And so here I am
at the ripe old age of 45, and
I'm here here I come along. I know.
And, you know, you'd think I'd be desensitized
to it.
No. Silent's right. There it's two there are
two crows. And one is a people pleaser.
And just
I, like,
I don't even know
sometimes how to handle your playful annoyance when
it's not you're not even being sharp. You're
just, like, you're playing, and I'm like,
I'm gonna be unloved forever. Oh, god. Like,
that's I know that's not true. I know
that's not
true. Tell my lizard brain that.
And so I was proud of myself when
I just, like, said to you, when you
don't do the thing, it hurts not feelings.
You know? He's a very giving dom. He
immediately pinned me down, and I was like,
thank you. Could you put some more weight
there? I could I could use it.
Wrap your leg over something.
But, you know, I gotta keep you on
your toes if I do it every time
you come to expect it. I feel like
I live my whole life on my toes.
I feel like the universe is doing a
good enough job of keeping me on my
toes. Like that? Okay. Okay. Right. I just
I don't care what position you keep me
in other than that. If it's, you know,
head down ass up, it'll be good. If
it's flat on my back, it'll still be
good. I just don't know if on my
toes is where I need to be at
that time. Could that be
the whiny little baby girl speaking? Maybe.
Maybe. Excuse me.
But I do you know, part of this,
it's
this is how we've kind of always been.
We've had this this sort of back and
forth,
not real conflicts, but playful, but still having
there's there's slight edge of
right? Whatever.
I don't know what that facial expression was.
I could not podcast listeners, I could not
describe it to you. I don't know what
I was thinking. There we are.
It's more prevalent and noticeable now because it
had been So long? It had been so
long since it was genuinely light hearted. Mhmm.
Like, we have we are gonna make each
other laugh. We're gonna do a little bit
of a push and pull.
You know, all of that's always gonna be
there. But there, I don't think it's been
as playful, which is why I haven't clocked
it. I haven't thought about it Yeah. We
as something different or I mean, that that
is something I have noticed
between us,
recently
that,
you know, we we get into these
little,
episodes, maybe.
And,
yeah. A few times we've,
laughed so hard lost our breath.
Oh my god. Recently. Yeah. I'm I'm
of a life experience and age where I
can't laugh laugh too hard, sneeze too hard,
or do a lot too hard. I'm about
to pee on myself.
Challenge accepted. Right. Exactly.
And we have had
I am absolutely that person who is, especially
if we're standing, I'm bent over laughing. I
also have to go, stop. Stop. I'm about
to be on myself, and I'm cross I'm,
like, clenching. I'm kegeling for my fucking life.
So yeah. Yeah.
I think that
in the past
little bit when we've been this way, because
we are this way just in there's been
a little bit more of a tinge of
real frustration,
so it was never a actual argument, actual
conflict, but it wasn't fun to think about
or talk about later because
there was still the
kind of aspect.
Okay. This third one, this is the last
one I've got unless something comes to your
mind Okay. That we've gone through recently. This
one happens almost every fucking day. Yeah.
Yeah. And it sometimes does carry a little
bit of genuine frustration
because
we are we are on the verge of
arguing for no fucking reason. Like, it's not
even playful. It's like, why are we fussing
at one another?
And that is
whatever conversation we're talking about, whatever conversation we're
having, a decision will need to be made
or a plan of action. There will be
some
activity action that comes from what we're talking
about. Maybe it's a thing we already know
we're gonna do and we're trying to, like,
game out the details. Maybe it's a decision
that has to be made. I don't know
because it happens in every facet of every
fucking thing we do together.
We
will be talking about it.
I I think I recognize this more than
you do. Okay. I will recognize
that I am saying using different words,
basically the same thing that JB
is saying.
But I'm I'm structuring it a little bit
different. I'm coming at a slightly different viewpoint.
I am on step three, and he was
still talking about step one.
You know? It could be anything.
And next thing I know, he's getting that
sharp
tone that I fundamentally fucking hate.
Okay. Fight, flight, or freeze. Well, now I'm
fighting. Okay.
And he
like, I
JB will get a little defensive because he
is hearing something that, it's not what I'm
trying to convey.
And so I have to go, woah. Woah.
Woah.
We agree.
Why are we fussing? And he always comes
back and goes, I don't know.
Happened today. Yep. This morning. Today. This morning.
Can't remember what the hell we were talking
about. Hell either. And that's the that's the
beauty of those kinds of things. They're so
nonsensical, unimportant. I don't remember. They're such stupid,
insignificant
And they're silly. Things. Yeah. I'm you know,
we absolutely do have disagreements and arguments and
even
shouting fights. Thankfully, that's very rare. Yeah. They're
about real things. And even if I can't
remember the details afterwards, I remember
the topic. Right? I remember what was going
on and how we got there.
These small things,
either we end up laughing afterwards,
either just at ourselves or, like, at the
situation,
or we go we kind of bluster and
then we move they never stick in my
brain.
Never, never, never, never.
Only that the fact of them, that push
and pull, that
I'm trying I'm trying to get a reaction.
You're not giving me my reaction. I'm trying
to get a reaction. Right? Those kinds of
things. Or this one. This one is probably,
of the three, the most actually genuinely frustrating
because I don't like to be misunderstood. I
don't know if anybody's noticed around here how
I am an over explainer and every thought
has a parenthetical
to explain some backstory to the thought,
that I speak the way I write.
So I I kinda know where that one
comes from. It's one, I don't want the
conflict. We already know. Mhmm. So I'm sensing
conflict where I'm like, why why why is
there conflict? We're talk we're agreeing. We agree.
We agree. We agree. Mhmm. But then
there's also the oh, and I can't and
I'm and I know it drives you genuinely
crazy. I over explain because I think you
you must be misunderstanding
me. You're not getting my point. Now that
is a time when you'll use your your
dumb voice to shut it down and my
feelings genuinely are hurt because I'm like, but
I had a little bit more I need
to say. And what if he doesn't understand?
And he is having this response based on
a thing he thought I said?
Yes. I know I need a therapist. Whatever.
Anyway, so that one does carry
a genuine edge of frustration, but it does
depend on
it's it's
context dependent. If we were laughing and joking
and then found ourselves in that silly little
back and forth, what are we arguing about?
I can even if you get sharp, I
can laugh it off. Off. But if it's
been a really serious tense moment and we've
led into it,
then it's not fun. Then it's not silly.
It's silly in the the sense of
why, what is happening. This is unnecessary.
But it's not like silly like, oh, I'm
giggling about this now.
And I just wanna do things that make
me laugh about it later. That's that's my
that's what I want. I we don't get
what we want. I know, but that's what
I want.
So yeah.
Here's the thing. Did this does this conversation
have an absolute point? No. I I know.
We need it lighthearted,
and I basically am throwing this out here
so that I can
so I know somebody. It might be one
out of however many of you there are.
Somebody can relate. Somebody has had their own
similar experience
and is like, yeah that happens to us
too, maybe in a slightly different way. I
just need to know I'm not alone.
And if you are recognizing
any of this in your own self, you're
not alone. And I'm glad I could give
that to you. Because sometimes I'll walk around
here going, am I in crazy town? More
so than I'm obviously in crazy town. Like,
are we in crazy town together? What is
happening
here?
The more serious version of the we're are
we're saying making the same point, saying it
differently, you know, think we're in conflict
is the one, and we have talked about
this before,
where we get into an unnecessary
argument and we both agree on the outcome,
but
moods got heated. Yeah. And I'll kinda yell
out in the middle, you know, we're we're
supposed to like one another. We're on the
same team here. What?
So for somebody who is extremely conflict averse,
I will do that. It's a I think
it's a sense of safety thing. I don't
know. I don't know what it is because
it
it fluctuates. It shifts. Like, some days, I'm
really I'm on it, and I can just
tell you what needs to be told to
you. And other days, I
I just can't. But yeah.
So those are some of our
very silly little conflicts that are mostly
the first two definitely are about our power
exchange. Yeah.
There's no real point other than somebody out
there
can commiserate, and I'm not a the only
crazy person. I mean, we're all crazy here,
but at least I'm not alone in this
part of my crazy is is what I'm
I'm saying. No.
Told you this to be short. I don't
I we just we just needed we just
needed to laugh. Yeah. Yep. We just
Anyway
It's fun.
Is it?
Yes.
So I guess we'll just keep the hilarity
going
and go into a bonus section. I got
nothing to add to any of that y'all.
I'm actually I'm emptied out. I didn't know
it could happen. Here we go. 428
episodes later, I could actually just hit a
point where I had nothing else to say
about a topic. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Because
because I didn't think there was a point.
I was just having fun. Mhmm. So, are
we good? I don't know. I don't know.
Keep it kinky y'all. And we'll see you
next week.
Daddy.
Yes, baby girl. A
your fellow dom and sadist is petitioning for
an extended bonus section.
Oh. It's not me asking.
That's true. It's not. It's somebody that, you
know Yeah. You're on kind of a similar
level with, and I know you respect a
lot, and and they have suggested it. I
I see that. That that could be
a a possibility. Sometimes you have to give
the people what they want.
Understand.
I don't know that we got enough to
talk about to justify an extended bonus section.
We can give the Lola update. Yep. Lola
had her,
appointment at the Ophthalmologist. Ophthalmologist.
It's okay. I'll say it for you. Thank
you. It's the service I provide. And,
we we did get
They had they had to get her on
a scale.
Yeah.
And and it was
she she cooperated.
She is down to seventy eight pounds. And
really closer to seventy seven. Yeah.
Yeah. She's it's
So she she is is Slowly but surely.
Now you're starting to to lose some of
that weight. She's got a little waistline at
her back hips. It's adorable.
And,
as they should have, the the vet tech
and the, doctor fell in love with her.
Mhmm. How can you not?
Also, she did look pitiful because even though
this I've never been to a vet specialist
before. It's either been a busy vet's office
or the busy vet's ER office, right, where
it's all chaos all the time. This place
was quiet. We were, to our knowledge, the
only ones there. There was not a lot
of noise going on.
Very, very calm place. And she took one
sniff around and went, fuck this shit. Mhmm.
And we were dragging her down the hallway.
Now did I go out out of, like,
the little
jar thing they have on their desk? Mhmm.
A treat. Hold it in front of her
nose so she could sniff it and, like,
inch towards the exam room and she kind
of followed me. We just need to get
a a a stick to attach to a
harness with with a treat hanging off of
it. Yeah. Like, carrot on a stick. Mhmm.
So,
you know, as silent asked if there's a
goal weight. When we
adopted her, she was what? 60? She was
fifty seven pounds. Fifty seven. Mhmm. She needs
what the vet told us at the time
is she needs to stay between about fifty
five and sixty five Mhmm. To be at
her healthy weight. Yeah.
Yep. And she's getting there. And and I
I have noticed,
now and I I was kinda thinking that
there was weight, you know, dropped and because
I did see her,
you know,
moving around and jumping up and down couch
a little easier. I think if she was
more active, the weight loss would I mean,
I think that's true of everybody in this
household.
If we were more active, that would be
a little easier. And, Susan asked, there's eye
doctors for dogs? Apparently, yes.
They're they do dogs, cats, horses. Right. And
and apparently, even, like, small pets and Mhmm.
Non mammalian pets. Yeah. But, ultimately,
what they decided is they do not recommend
surgery surgery for her right now.
Well, he he he said she does not
have I think Glentropion.
No. But he also said that the thing
she does have this haze over her eye.
We're gonna try to prevent a thing that
can occur called bulla.
Anybody who's a vet person maybe knows stuff
that I don't know if I'm saying that
right, but these they're bubbles that can actually,
like, appear in, like, her eyeball.
And if that occurs, she could potentially need
surgery. But he's like, she's been really lucky
with her eyes so far, because we were
explaining how long her eye has been this
way. He's like, they haven't formed yet, the
bullet, whatever they're called. We're gonna do the
the
drops in her eye to try to prevent
them. And if it prevents them over the
next six months,
then you you're probably out of the woods
and should be fine. Okay.
So, yeah, she gets to live with eye
drops. And and as for the haze clearing
up,
it may, it may not. Yeah. He even
said our goal is not to clear up
the haze in her eye. It's to make
sure these little bubble things don't form. And
it's yeah. But it's Yeah. Eye drops twice
a day for six
months.
And, you know, he
he he stated, because I did ask,
you know, there is nothing
apparently painful
Yeah. For her about with any of this.
Mm-mm. Mm-mm.
Her she
she is not blind in the eye.
He said
her she still has sight in the eye,
it's just slightly hazed. And he said it's
mostly gonna be hazed in bright light. He's
like, so in dark light when her her
eyes, like, dilate and the pupils get really
big,
there's less of a haze. There's more pupil
than there is haze. He and he and
this was fascinating. He was like, I love
it when they explain shit so you can
kinda understand it. I liked it. He goes,
in bright light, those pupils get smaller. He's
like, well, then there's less more of the
haze is covering.
Mhmm. He said it's probably more like if
you go into a room when there's condensation
and fog after a hot shower. He's like,
she can see, but it's gonna be a
little foggy, a little blurry. I'm like, okay.
Now he,
you know, they they you know, I I
wanna say this about the vet tech Mhmm.
There.
She
was
familiar with pitties. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay?
And anytime
before she would do anything with Lola,
Like, she had to take some pictures of
Lola and and get some pictures of the
eye. She let her sniff the camera. Everything
she did, she let her sniff it first.
Everything she did, she let us let her
sniff it first. And I'm thinking, yeah.
Mhmm. That's how you do it. Like how
you do it. We do. I think Lolo
really wanted to like them. Yeah. Because they're
vet people. They're good with animals. They've they've
had us at ease. Yeah. But she was
just like, I hate this place and everything
about it. Yeah. I can smell the the
fear. Well, she's she she has been dragged
around I know. To a lot of different
appointments and and there's gonna be one more
coming up. Yeah. We're gonna go back to
getting her allergy shot. Allergy shot. There's a
good chance that some of the problems she's
experienced with her eye, because it was not
the entropion with the eyelids and the eyelashes
that we had no. It was not that.
There's a good chance that some of the
injury to her eye came from scratching
because of allergies.
So fun times there.
But, yeah, it was they were really nice.
It was very it's not your typical
not your typical vet experience. No chaos.
But, also, when I paid the bill, I
went, oh, that's right. This is a specialist.
Yep. These are specialist prices. Yes. Yeah.
Yeah. So one one of the questions he
did ask too over there, he goes, you
wouldn't happen to have any other animals at
home, do you?
Two ornery cats.
So
he, he said there there is a possibility.
They at this point, they do not know
for sure. It's too old to answer for
about. He he thinks there may be a
possibility that something poked into her eye, like
a a sharp, you know, like Like a
cat scratch? Club.
And,
you know, it it did not do serious
damage. It didn't go deep enough to do
serious damage. I'm gonna say, she is so
lucky. She is so lucky. Right. Right.
So, you know,
so what,
it could have been caused from her playing
with her toys, the way she gets she
gets very aggressive She does. With some of
her toys. And I egg her on. I
go, kill it, kill it, chill. I know.
I do too.
Yeah. So so that that's kinda
She gave JB side eye for the whole
rest of the day. Oh my god. When
we got home,
she did not wanna come right in the
house. Mm-mm. She wanted to stay outside.
She was so pissed at me.
I don't know why she stopped pissed at
me. I'm there too. She was so pissed
at me.
Kayla went in the house, and I was
like, okay, I'm gonna let her, you know,
walk a little bit. No. You know what
she did? She walked out into the middle
of our street
and lay down. Just and Just just lay
down. I'm not moving. You can't make me.
And nope. That's where that's where she She
became an immovable object. Yep. Now the one
thing that was it was heartbreaking, but it
was also super sweet. So at the vet
in the exam room,
they had this bench like seat that
might have been a little smaller
in length as, like, a love seat or
something. Right? There was only a foot and
a half amount, 18 inches max space between
me and JB.
When they started coming at her eyes to
put drops in, to look at them, to
get close, she jumped
up in between this she's not she's she's
not she's like her mom. She's big boned.
So she ain't a small girl.
She wedged herself in between us and then
hid her face, like, at the back of
this kinda wannabe couch thing.
And, you know, they were able to manipulate
her head safely so they could look at
her eyes. And she refused to be away
from us so bad that even as her
ass started to
refused
to be away from us so bad that
even as her ass started to fall off
the side, because there literally was not enough
room for her, she,
like,
front legs just kept herself
up. I I had to put an arm
under her butt. And then when she finally
hit her I cannot take this another fucking
second
moment, she Pushed herself behind me. Pushed herself
behind me. So I was just sitting on
the edge,
and she was pushing her weight into me.
I don't know if it was a comfort
thing or it's like, get the fuck off
this couch. It's mine. Or if I stay
close to you, they can't find me. I
don't know what it was. Right. But I
was like, okay. She doesn't hate us. She
thinks we're hers we're safe for her. She
wants to hide behind us. But
Yeah. And it just breaks your heart because
they're being kind hurt and they were in
the vet the tech was even like, we're
not gonna there's no shots. We're not even
taking temperature. We're just concerned with the eye.
Right. And,
so we understood as human beings
what it was fine, but she was just
she was so stressed out. She was like,
I don't wanna be here. I hate everything
about this. We walked into the lobby. The
lobby looked like,
like a human medical doctor's office. It was
very, very a special to specialist
office,
specialty office. What are words? I don't know.
Like, very nice.
And she she we were the only ones
in there.
She immediately noped out and went and put
her nose on the glass door to walk
out. She's like, we walked in this way.
We can walk out this way. Way out.
Yeah. Oh my god.
Look, she got a treat afterwards. Okay? Yes.
She did. She did. She got some munchkins
from Dunkin',
and they over they gave us too many,
so we also got some Munchkins from Dunkin'.
Yeah.
But So so that that's that's kinda where
Lola's at. Mhmm. Mhmm.
And,
what else?
I didn't announce it because it's almost over
as of day of recording. By the time
most people hear or watch this, it will
be over. Kinkery's been having a sale,
and you've been, like, running around
chicken head cut off kinda mode to get
the restocks done.
It's been, you know, it's been good for
those who can, you know, or like, yeah.
Yeah. I'll buy some new toys right now
while the world's on fire.
But that's taken up
a lot of
my time. Mhmm.
Okay. I'm only gonna talk about this because
I have bitched about this in the past,
and I was sort of pleasantly surprised. I
had my annual well woman visit where they,
you know Mhmm. Do the they root around
up there and make sure most all is
well.
I walk at first, I don't usually have
anxiety over going to the doctor. Like, I
mean, a kind of college disappointment is not
the most fun. Okay?
I I don't,
but I'm usually fine.
Something about it had me very anxious.
I think it was because I really don't
vibe with this doctor and every other appointment
prior I have felt like I've
had to fight for the treatment that, you
know, I think I need. I mean, I
defer to a doctor's expertise, but it's like,
everything I'm learning this can I try this,
please? Right? And and she's she's done it
for me. And this time, I walked in,
they already had my prescriptions ready. We didn't
even have to discuss whether I needed them.
I was like, oh, clearly you need them.
She actually knew what she was in there
for to do with me. I didn't have
to remind her three times like I have
done in the past.
She just we are still not in the
same, like,
we don't have the same vibe, but it
was such a much more pleasant
experience. And here's what I I realized, and
it's a thing that I think people know
but you don't think about.
Every other visit I'd had with her was
before
a knee? A knee surgery she desperately needed.
She was willing to, like, she had to
be out of work for like two or
three months for this knee surgery.
And
I'm thinking, I'm guessing that she was probably
stressed, probably in pain, very uncomfortable prior to
all that. She said her niece she told
me, knee surgery went really well. Yes. Because
I it's like talking to a completely different
person. No. And I was like, okay, that's
that is the power of having
a completely different person. No. I was like,
okay. That's that is the power
of having pain, stress, and or worry
alleviated a little bit because it she was
and, hell, maybe the couple months off to
just get away from it all helped as
well. I don't know.
But, yeah, it was
it was straightforward.
It
she
I didn't have to tell her 85 times
what was happening and why we're there. She
actually had I'd had blood work done in
December and normally she would just look at
the most recent blood work and never compare
it to anything and go, well, it looks
kind of okay to me. And I'd have
to go, well, I was looking at the
history of blood work and this
I mean, you have to advocate for yourself.
Sure, but I should not be
talking more doctor speak than the doctor.
And this time it just wasn't like that.
But I had gotten myself so worked up
and so,
like,
just on edge about the whole thing that
by the time got home, we ended up
running more errands after that. I I fell
apart.
It's like,
like my brain has not caught up with
the fact that we are not in fact
being chased by wild animals
and I built it up and then it
was anticlimactic. And I was, I think I
didn't know what to do next. Oh my
god.
I was like, I just
silent ass. They're still poking around up there
post hysterectomy. Yes. Not not. Okay. So anybody
who has ever,
had a pap smear, had a speculum
placed in places that speculums can go,
my
exam,
since I now have no uterus and no
cervix,
is
not as uncomfortable, physically uncomfortable,
and not quite as invasive. Like, that speculum
didn't have to hang out there for five
minutes. Right? There were no cotton swabs going
up there and zooshing around.
There was an exam, but, yeah, it was
my in my from my perspective, mild compared
to pre hysterectomy surgery. Gotcha. Mhmm. Mhmm. Okay.
Mhmm.
Yep.
Yeah. For anybody who's like, I didn't need
to know that much about the vagina. Well,
we all get to learn around here. Okay?
Y'all have to know that if I had
I am an clearly, I'm an oversharer
when I am comfortable.
If I had been getting periods this whole
whole time that y'all have known me in
this way, y'all heard way too much about
my periods too. I would tell you when
I had cramps and was cranky. I would
not hide that shit because if I have
to live with it, so does every fucking
body else.
But you have never known me.
Well,
the amount of time you know me, I've
never had a period.
Correct.
Yeah.
You you don't know how happy you should
be about that.
So
yeah.
Yeah. Excuse me.
Oh, and I had I had health concerns,
and she actually addressed them in a coherent
way and gave me a plan.
I was of action, and I was like,
okay. Okay. Look at you doctoring over here.
I'm
we're still two very different people. Right? Like,
we would not interact if we did not
have this professional relationship.
But, yeah, it was much better. So that
was nice. Mhmm. Pleasant surprise. Yeah.
And she she's so funny. Well woman exam
in a under US
health insurance laws, you're not supposed to be
charged for it. It's supposed to be it's
preventative.
You don't get billed for it. Except, because
of course there's fucking loopholes.
If they have to diagnose you with something
or write a brand new prescription for you
Yeah. Or discuss any health concerns,
then they have to bill for that. And
she she found
I'm not talking about it. It's fine. It's
nothing serious. I just don't wanna talk about
it. She found something. She's like, oh,
I found that. I'm diagnosing that.
She's gonna get billed, isn't she? And the
note taker's like, mhmm. She's gonna get billed.
I was like, thanks for
caring.
Thanks for caring. I appreciate
it.
So yeah.
Yeah. It was it was really weird. I
walked in expecting one thing,
completely different outcome, and then just kind of
emotionally collapsed. I we're driving down the road
running errands, and I'm like, tears are just
streaming. I'm like, I don't even know why
I'm crying. I just need to release the
pressure, I think.
It was weird. Yeah.
So yeah. I mean
oh, I think we're finally gonna be on
the the next step on the replace the
kitchen floor saga. Yes. Yes. Yes. The money
is finally gonna be, it looks like, back
in our hands
tomorrow. So we could go to the bank
and go, here, hold our money for us.
Mhmm. And then we gotta find a contractor.
Then we gotta find a contractor. Mhmm. I'm
hope so And I have thoughts, so I'm
gonna talk to you about that. Cool.
This is on top of,
we have to deal with the RAV. Mhmm.
And you you know, I did the research.
You Yeah. Got the next steps, so I've
thrown that to you. But we're under,
an artificial,
deadline because we wanna get it taken care
of and off our insurance before Before we
go. The next payment. Mhmm.
So Yeah. And then there's just always
something. You know, I'm I'm There's always something
to tell you. I I think the RAV
knows
because I moved it yesterday. Mhmm.
It ran just fine, didn't it? No. No.
It was bad. Yeah. Oh, no. I figured
it'd start, like, running like a champ for
you. It's like, don't get rid of me.
No. I like it here.
Well, I wish I didn't have to, but
yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know. It it, went
after I
started it. Mhmm. Oh, did not sound good.
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Did not sound good.
I we're gonna we're gonna get creative at
some point, I'm sure, about not just having
the Corolla because that's gonna be
did it. Yep. But it
that's not you don't usually see a Corolla
rock out. No. No. No. No. No. No.
Vans and pickups
or SUVs.
Yep. Yep. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. And it's
it's kind of in the backcountry a little
bit, and you you don't, like, you drive
down a little lane, and then you kinda
go off road on Yeah. It's a grass.
It's a dirt driveway
that's about,
And you come off the driveway because you
park drive across the grass. Yeah. Right.
The Corolla. That's gonna be interesting. Mhmm. Mhmm.
That's gonna be interesting. Yep.
So yeah.
Yeah. I'm doing that, and we've, you know,
we were talking about doing some more yard
work,
stuff around the house that needs to be
done. Oh, yeah. It's another thing we're
working towards and might be doing getting tree
work done around here.
So that will be, get estimates for Oh,
god.
When we when we first when we first
moved in here, I had somebody come in
and freshly do all the Mhmm.
All the trees.
And and they did a really, really fine
job of it, and
I have been able to,
keep up with it, you know, for the
most part and keep it,
you know, maintained. Mhmm. But now it's back
to that point
that, kinda need a a professional to come
in with their Mhmm.
Cherry pickers and stuff and get up there
and There's a lot of fucking adulting in
this homeownership
Look, I'm I'm grateful that we have the
luxury truly of owning our own home. Yeah.
However, that luxury is then,
balanced out by the, oh my god, that
that has to be done too.
Mhmm. And and yet the oldest is now
finding out how
when things break down in an in a
rented apartment,
that maintenance is not,
gonna be right there. No. No.
I I don't think he's had the experience
yet, but he will probably, at some point,
have the experience of, yeah. Yeah. We came
out to look at that broken thing, but
we basically just, you know, put some duct
tape and spit on it. It'll hold together.
You'll call us when it breaks again, but
we're not putting any actual
funds into
truly fixing this. Yeah. He's he's having that
kind of Mhmm.
But I still I still
just revel in those moments where he looks
at me and goes, I can't believe I
wanted to be an adult this bad, this
soon. What the hell was I thinking? And
I'm like,
we tried to tell you. Tell you. You
didn't believe us. There's something you just gotta
discover for yourself.
So
Yeah.
Tayshia, I like that. Home ownership is a
fight against entropy.
Yeah. Yeah.
I like that. It's true. I I say
let the land take it back. Just let
mother nature have it. Okay?
Let the ivy grow over the house. I'll
turn this into a cave. I'll just stay
in here and never leave.
Have the, you know, delivery drivers throw packages
out and, you know Yeah. Cut my way
out with a machete and just let let
it go back to the land.
It's fine.
Yeah. Yeah. I think that right now, it's
hard to be like, oh, we've got this.
Or we haven't even had a chance to
talk about, like,
doing more things
purposefully
and specifically towards our power exchange because it's
fucking
adult life bullshit. There's there's been a lot
there's been a lot of adulting lately. Yes.
There has.
But
we're getting shit done. We are getting shit
done. And it is a nice feeling to
finally get shit done. And and we're we're
moving forward on many things. Mhmm. So,
you know, I I
I feel feeling,
more and more in a good place. Mhmm.
Yeah. You are definitely steadier and calmer and
Mhmm.
Yeah. I'm I'm the one struggling, not because
there's, you know,
life is bad or anything. It's just it's
I I it's a little too chaotic, and
I can't settle. And I just I just
I just wanna
I I just want to do the things
I wanna do in the way I wanna
do them, when I wanna do them on
my own time with no misrepresentations.
That's all I want.
But
I don't have anything else. About it for
me. I mean, yeah. I've been Yeah.
What? I don't know. Yeah. I know. No.
I'm just playing with my hair now. Podcast
listeners, I'm sorry you don't get that to
see that because I'm sure it's scintillating.
All that being said, this was not really
an extended bonus section. Sorry. We're a little
too boring right now.
So I guess we should go. Yeah. I
think there's things you wanted to do. There
are. I'm positive there are things I'm supposed
to be doing. There are?
Do I remember what they are? No. I
don't. That's what to do lists are for.
Did I write a to do list? No.
I did not. What?
What? So we're gonna
go.
We will see y'all next week. Yep.
And that's all I got to say about
that? Mhmm. Okay. Bye. Bye.