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You're listening to the Loving BDSM podcast,

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episode 427.

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Kayla Lords here with the 1, the only,

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the he's doing his best to keep his

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good humor, but he has every good reason

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to be very, very aggravated right now. John

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Brownstone. I'm trying. For the record, I'm not

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the cause of the aggravation. No. You're not.

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You are not. You are not. But Absolutely

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not. If I try to do jumping jacks

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on your last nerve, I will

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receive the pleasure. You will receive the brunt

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of the, yeah.

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Yes. We're about we're about to tell you

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why that is, but let's, like, be official

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and Okay. Do the things. Do the things

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first.

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This week,

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while the world is on fire literally and

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figuratively,

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we decided to release some tension

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with a rant or 2,

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with a BDSM Reddit,

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response episode.

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At the very beginning, I was like, I'm

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not sure if I'll rant. And then I

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ranted. Why? How do I know that? Because

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we're time traveling. Give me a moment. I'll

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tell you.

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Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this

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is your first time listening, glad to have

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you. If you're back for another week, welcome

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back. Loving BDSM is produced every Monday Friday

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for your kinky pleasure and education, and show

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notes are found at lovingbdsm.net.

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Come back often and feel free to add

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the podcast to your favorite podcast app.

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You can also follow the show on Fetlife

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at lovingbdsmpc

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on Instagram and technically threads at that handle

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I will forever fucking hate. Loving d s

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and the number one. So it's at loving

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d s one.

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On blue sky at loving BDSM and then

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all the other characters after that. I don't

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know. Just search for loving BDSM. We're right

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there. Or on YouTube at youtube.com/loving

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BDSM, where you can watch us live stream

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the podcast every Wednesday. All links are in

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the show notes.

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As for our announcement this week, there's only

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one. It's the same one it's been for

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a hot ass minute. That is we are

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in the middle of our Patreon membership drive.

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It is still going on. We are still

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talking about it. Yes. And we won't have

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any other announcements

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and promos until we get through this. Mhmm.

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Actually, that's not true, but I'll tell you

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another one in a second. Okay.

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This whole thing has gone off the rails.

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It'll be fine. So Patreon membership drive, the

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significance

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of that is if you join our Patreon

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community

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by February 15th, you get an extra goodie

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on top of what we already do for

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Patreon.

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So

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join by February 15th. If you are in

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the 2 if you are in any of

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the tiers,

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you are going to get a the digital

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workbook that is coming out that I'm actually

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in the process of working on,

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that is gonna focus on communication in power

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exchange. It's gonna have information. It's gonna have

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resources. It's gonna have worksheets.

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You will get that with at no additional

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charge before we ever put it up on

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Etsy or offered anywhere else.

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If you are in the

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$10 tier

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as of February 15th,

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you will

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be mailed, yes, in the mail, yes, even

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internationally,

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the exclusive

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10th anniversary

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loving BDSM

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enamel pin. This will not be up, on

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Etsy for sale in the future. This will

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not be just, like, given out like candy.

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This is patrons only,

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unless we do, like, little baby giveaways in

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August when we hit our official,

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10th anniversary.

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So yeah. Act now before midnight tonight.

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Something like that.

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The other benefit to joining during the membership

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drive, if you join as an annual member,

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meaning you pay once and get access for

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the whole year, you should get 2 months

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free. So you pay for 10 months.

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You get access for 12 months. So if

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let's say you pick the $10 tier, that's

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a a $100 plus tax depending on,

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your currency rates

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and exchange rates if you're international.

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The $2 tier,

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it'd be $20

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and and some change

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if you do the annual thing and just

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pay one time. All that good stuff.

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What you get for just joining our Discord,

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everybody, no matter your tier, you get access

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to our Discord server.

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You get access to our behind the scenes

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podcast episode, which is part bonus section,

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part hey. Let's go a little deeper and

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talk a little bit more about what we're

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doing to work on our power exchange this

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year.

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We also do alternating game nights and movie

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nights. So in January, we had a game

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night.

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It It was a lot of fun. We

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played Cards Against Humanity. And then in February,

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we'll do a movie night. And through Discord,

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we'll watch a movie together and then we'll

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alternate back. March, it's game night. You see

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how this goes. Right?

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Everybody gets that. If you choose the $5

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tier, you get access

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to bedtime stories with JB,

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where he recorded himself reading

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bedtime stories. I'm putting all that together and

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editing it for January right now. Bedtime or

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or just stories. I called it bedtime stories

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because you're

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your your the True. Yeah. Yeah. Your fans

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were like, please read me a bedtime story.

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They stopped themselves at calling you daddy because

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they knew I'd come through a screen at

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them.

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Oh, wow.

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They knew I'd cut a bitch.

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Oh my god.

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I'm not real possessive

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except

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over that.

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Anyway,

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if you if you do join the $10

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tier, not only do you get the exclusive

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enamel pin mailed to you,

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you get access to every digital

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product

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we make and sell on Etsy at no

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additional charge. It's coloring books. It's workbooks. It's

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planner sheets. It's all of it. It's anything

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new. It's anything old. So if you're interested,

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in joining during our membership drive, helping us

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do this thing that we do on the

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Internet, patreon.com/kayla

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lords. It's patreon.com/kayla

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lords or the link is in the show

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notes.

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One more announcement real quick

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before we get into what the hell is

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going on with this podcast episode.

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I get to say this because it's happening

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right now. The Kinkery is having our,

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Valentine's Day sale. Yes. We have to have

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our Valentine's Day sale

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early

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so that you have time to maybe receive

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your items for Valentine's Day. People have to

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have time to get their their gifts for

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Valentine's Day. Right. The only thing that is

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not going to arrive by Valentine's Day is

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if you order resin inlay paddles or canes

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with resin

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handle. Those are made to order. Everything else,

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if you order during our sale,

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you should get it, hopefully. If you're in

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the US,

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by Valentine's Day. So if you're planning a

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Valentine's Day scene, I'm just saying.

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So

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the code, is kinky love 25. I'll put

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this in the show notes. Don't worry. And

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it's at the kinkery thekinkery.com.

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You get 15% off your order, and that

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coupon code does work on our clearance items

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of which we still have some. So I'm

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just saying, kinkery.com

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having a sale through February 5th.

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That's the second announcement. That's it for announcements.

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So

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real quick. Yeah. Real quick. The clusterfuck that

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is this podcast. Right.

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We had some some audio issues. While recording.

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While recording.

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What we the way we normally set this

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up is while we're doing the live stream,

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we are recording the audio with a different

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program. Mhmm. K?

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And

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they both have different intros and and whatnot,

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you know. So anyway,

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we we recorded the intro for the podcast,

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and then we went and we started the

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live stream,

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as we do, and then when Kayla told

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me to hit the magic button Which is

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how y'all get brought in and we're recording

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for y'all.

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I clicked the magic button,

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and I looked away

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because we were doing our thing. Mhmm. Then

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I looked back up at the monitor screen,

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nothing was happening. Nothing's happening.

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Nothing's happening.

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The program locked up crashed and and

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just died, went down in flames. I know.

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We stopped we didn't stop the live stream.

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The live stream was still going, but we

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stopped

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talking for like 4 or 5 minutes trying

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to figure it out. And,

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was not able to figure it out. At

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that point, we were too far in Mhmm.

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To to do anything, because we also lost

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the intro.

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So, yeah. We we kinda had to jump

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through hoops to get this to you folks

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this week, but we're here.

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So what you're about to hear the whole

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way through from the, Reddit post through the

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bonus section is the audio pulled from the

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livestream.

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Mhmm. Thank you to Silent Wing for doing

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that for us.

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We don't quite know,

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as the moment we are recording this,

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if there will be any, like, weird mentions

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or any like, if there's a if there's

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a sound quality difference, there shouldn't be. We're

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talking into the same mics, but you never

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know. Different programs. Right. That's why. That's and

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and if at any point we sound a

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little frantic.

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That's

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why. JB is is he's not much of

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a jaw clencher, but it's been real real

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clenched

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since the Wednesday livestream.

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Yep. Trying to figure this out. And and

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and now I'm trying to finish it up

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and put it behind me. Right. So y'all

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can have an episode Friday.

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So,

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yeah. We're we're real ass professionals, aren't we?

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Mhmm.

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So with all that being said,

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here here's the episode.

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Here we are.

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So let's get into

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the Reddit,

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posts that I found, so that maybe JB

271
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can work off some of his frustration

272
00:09:34,735 --> 00:09:35,475
as well.

273
00:09:35,855 --> 00:09:37,855
I'll go ahead and warn y'all. Every one

274
00:09:37,855 --> 00:09:40,379
of these was long. The few I found

275
00:09:40,379 --> 00:09:42,379
that were shorter didn't have enough detail. I

276
00:09:42,379 --> 00:09:43,980
was like, what are what question are you

277
00:09:43,980 --> 00:09:46,300
actually asking? So we went with long ones.

278
00:09:46,300 --> 00:09:47,040
So here

279
00:09:47,580 --> 00:09:48,720
here we go.

280
00:09:49,259 --> 00:09:49,759
Okay.

281
00:09:50,700 --> 00:09:53,500
Feeling like my sub is doming me by

282
00:09:53,500 --> 00:09:54,720
constantly disobeying.

283
00:09:55,684 --> 00:09:57,524
Hey. I would appreciate a little perspective on

284
00:09:57,524 --> 00:09:59,845
this. For some relevant information, me and my

285
00:09:59,845 --> 00:10:02,325
boyfriend like to engage in gentle femdom, not

286
00:10:02,325 --> 00:10:02,825
247.

287
00:10:03,284 --> 00:10:05,044
So I'm the dom. He's the sub. It

288
00:10:05,044 --> 00:10:06,644
was him who first introduced this to me

289
00:10:06,644 --> 00:10:07,924
and in the beginning I wasn't sure if

290
00:10:07,924 --> 00:10:09,524
I was up for taking on this dominant

291
00:10:09,524 --> 00:10:11,269
role in bed. But as it turned out,

292
00:10:11,269 --> 00:10:12,730
I actually really like it.

293
00:10:13,829 --> 00:10:16,149
I'm still relatively new to it. A thing

294
00:10:16,149 --> 00:10:17,909
that's been really bugging me lately is that

295
00:10:17,909 --> 00:10:19,429
a lot of the time, it doesn't really

296
00:10:19,429 --> 00:10:22,149
feel like I'm actually in charge. For example,

297
00:10:22,149 --> 00:10:24,595
over the last 5 weeks or so, we

298
00:10:24,595 --> 00:10:27,315
had set this rule that completely disallowed masturbation

299
00:10:27,315 --> 00:10:29,394
for him. This is something that we both

300
00:10:29,394 --> 00:10:31,475
thought was hot, him only being able to

301
00:10:31,475 --> 00:10:33,235
get off when he was with me, putting

302
00:10:33,235 --> 00:10:34,855
me in full control of his orgasms.

303
00:10:35,315 --> 00:10:36,674
I'm saying this so you know that this

304
00:10:36,674 --> 00:10:39,409
is something that was mutually agreed on. But

305
00:10:39,409 --> 00:10:41,169
he just doesn't stick to it. At least

306
00:10:41,169 --> 00:10:42,690
once a week, I get a text like,

307
00:10:42,690 --> 00:10:44,209
sorry. I swear I was just going to

308
00:10:44,209 --> 00:10:46,230
edge a little and then I accidentally came.

309
00:10:46,529 --> 00:10:48,690
Mind you, he wasn't even allowed to edge,

310
00:10:48,690 --> 00:10:50,470
let alone cum, but he did it anyways.

311
00:10:50,529 --> 00:10:51,509
Multiple times.

312
00:10:51,809 --> 00:10:53,809
I'm not sure if it's weird or stupid

313
00:10:53,809 --> 00:10:56,184
for me to feel upset about this, but

314
00:10:56,184 --> 00:10:58,504
honestly, I do a little bit. Because I

315
00:10:58,504 --> 00:10:59,785
feel like what is the point of saying

316
00:10:59,785 --> 00:11:01,804
he wants to submit to me if he

317
00:11:02,105 --> 00:11:04,745
doesn't actually do it? I know punishments exist

318
00:11:04,745 --> 00:11:06,024
and I do make use of them, but

319
00:11:06,024 --> 00:11:07,919
I just don't really like it like that.

320
00:11:07,919 --> 00:11:09,600
I would much prefer it if he just

321
00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:11,600
followed through with the denial because that's what

322
00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:13,519
makes this hot for me. It feels like

323
00:11:13,519 --> 00:11:15,440
playing a game with mutually agreed on rules

324
00:11:15,440 --> 00:11:17,200
but the other person just keeps on deliberately

325
00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:19,759
cheating. Eventually you're going to wonder, do they

326
00:11:19,759 --> 00:11:22,320
actually want to play this game, right? When

327
00:11:22,320 --> 00:11:23,665
I told him this, he said that he

328
00:11:23,665 --> 00:11:25,425
realized that he doesn't actually want to be

329
00:11:25,425 --> 00:11:28,144
prohibited from masturbating because it's too hard. Which

330
00:11:28,144 --> 00:11:30,225
like, okay. Fine. Obviously. I don't want to

331
00:11:30,225 --> 00:11:32,945
do something he isn't actually okay with. But

332
00:11:32,945 --> 00:11:34,705
I don't know. Part of me thinks he

333
00:11:34,705 --> 00:11:36,759
didn't even actually try. I mean, it's not

334
00:11:36,759 --> 00:11:38,839
like he's addicted to masturbation. He's gone a

335
00:11:38,839 --> 00:11:41,000
week without doing it, without any difficulties in

336
00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:42,600
the past. So I know he can do

337
00:11:42,600 --> 00:11:44,059
it if he actually tries.

338
00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:46,440
Sometimes I just feel like our DS dynamic

339
00:11:46,440 --> 00:11:48,200
is a little upside down, you know? A

340
00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:50,120
little like he the sub is domming me,

341
00:11:50,120 --> 00:11:52,735
the actual dom. Because he ultimately has the

342
00:11:52,735 --> 00:11:55,054
power over what happens by choosing to obey

343
00:11:55,054 --> 00:11:58,115
or disobey my rules. It's honestly pretty disempowering

344
00:11:58,174 --> 00:11:59,774
for me as a dom because I literally

345
00:11:59,774 --> 00:12:02,735
can't stop him from disobeying me. Fellow doms,

346
00:12:02,735 --> 00:12:04,654
do you ever feel genuinely upset about your

347
00:12:04,654 --> 00:12:06,720
subs disobeying or is this a me problem?

348
00:12:06,879 --> 00:12:09,139
Also, am I being toxic over this?

349
00:12:09,679 --> 00:12:11,139
Okay. Go ahead,

350
00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:14,399
our our resident domly dom. No. You're better

351
00:12:14,399 --> 00:12:16,579
than a domly dom. You're a dada dom.

352
00:12:18,399 --> 00:12:18,899
Yeah.

353
00:12:21,154 --> 00:12:22,834
Sounds like somebody's got a little bit of

354
00:12:22,834 --> 00:12:25,495
a brat going on. Maybe. Maybe. Okay.

355
00:12:27,154 --> 00:12:28,595
I mean, that that's kind of the first

356
00:12:28,595 --> 00:12:30,754
thing, you know, disobeying this, disobeying that. Mhmm.

357
00:12:30,754 --> 00:12:32,774
You know. And making sure to say something.

358
00:12:33,074 --> 00:12:33,894
Mhmm. Mhmm.

359
00:12:34,449 --> 00:12:34,929
So,

360
00:12:35,409 --> 00:12:37,250
you know, yeah. I I I get I

361
00:12:37,250 --> 00:12:39,669
get brat vibes reading

362
00:12:40,610 --> 00:12:41,110
that.

363
00:12:42,209 --> 00:12:42,529
And,

364
00:12:43,329 --> 00:12:44,610
you know, that could be very well what

365
00:12:44,610 --> 00:12:46,449
he wants. He wants her to wrestle control

366
00:12:46,449 --> 00:12:46,949
from.

367
00:12:47,514 --> 00:12:49,674
I mean, maybe. I think the the I'm

368
00:12:49,674 --> 00:12:51,274
with you on that as a as a

369
00:12:51,274 --> 00:12:53,455
concept. The only thing that makes me go,

370
00:12:54,075 --> 00:12:55,595
am I sure of this? Is that at

371
00:12:55,595 --> 00:12:57,434
some point he finally said, actually I don't

372
00:12:57,434 --> 00:12:59,159
wanna do this, you know? I don't this

373
00:12:59,159 --> 00:13:01,780
I don't like this. I don't wanna not

374
00:13:01,780 --> 00:13:04,400
masturbate. Well, and and there comes down to

375
00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:07,021
the point that, you know, consent or anything

376
00:13:07,021 --> 00:13:09,641
that we do is is not one and

377
00:13:09,641 --> 00:13:12,262
done. Right. You know? And I think that

378
00:13:12,262 --> 00:13:15,004
I I, like that she obviously respects his

379
00:13:15,085 --> 00:13:16,924
you know, what his boundaries are, his limits

380
00:13:16,924 --> 00:13:18,605
he doesn't wanna do. I do think, of

381
00:13:18,605 --> 00:13:20,445
course, the obvious answer here is they need

382
00:13:20,445 --> 00:13:22,205
to talk about it. But I think even

383
00:13:22,205 --> 00:13:23,024
if the,

384
00:13:23,404 --> 00:13:25,644
mutually agreed upon thing is, okay, we won't

385
00:13:25,644 --> 00:13:27,000
do this, and we're clearly

386
00:13:27,960 --> 00:13:29,836
okay with it. It's not a relationship ender.

387
00:13:29,836 --> 00:13:31,159
I you still have to talk about what

388
00:13:31,159 --> 00:13:31,740
went on there

389
00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:35,080
because if it's not the act and it's

390
00:13:35,080 --> 00:13:37,419
the feelings around the act or the disobeying

391
00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:40,134
or the trying to to negotiate something and

392
00:13:40,134 --> 00:13:42,134
then deciding you don't want that anymore. All

393
00:13:42,134 --> 00:13:43,815
of those layers of it need to be

394
00:13:43,815 --> 00:13:44,315
discussed

395
00:13:44,695 --> 00:13:46,394
in order to kind of

396
00:13:47,014 --> 00:13:48,855
you can't prevent that from ever happening again.

397
00:13:48,855 --> 00:13:51,415
It will absolutely happen again, most likely. But

398
00:13:51,415 --> 00:13:53,519
to sort of understand the whys and wherefores

399
00:13:53,740 --> 00:13:55,820
so you can navigate things like that better

400
00:13:55,820 --> 00:13:56,639
in the future.

401
00:13:58,139 --> 00:13:58,960
If there's

402
00:13:59,420 --> 00:14:02,300
a brat element, I and I we're only

403
00:14:02,300 --> 00:14:04,379
getting the dom side, so then they're not

404
00:14:04,379 --> 00:14:06,860
really saying the tone that their subnets have

405
00:14:06,860 --> 00:14:07,360
used.

406
00:14:07,955 --> 00:14:10,514
Brats, in that case, from my very limited

407
00:14:10,514 --> 00:14:12,195
experience, tend to be kind of playful with

408
00:14:12,195 --> 00:14:14,754
it. Like, they're like Mhmm. Like, uh-oh. I

409
00:14:14,754 --> 00:14:16,355
didn't do the thing. Like, the the whole

410
00:14:16,355 --> 00:14:18,455
point is to kind of Oh, no. Okay.

411
00:14:20,835 --> 00:14:22,740
We might somebody needs to get a a

412
00:14:22,879 --> 00:14:25,440
screenshot of JB making that face with that

413
00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:26,660
whatever. But,

414
00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:31,279
but, you know, there

415
00:14:31,680 --> 00:14:33,360
the way it's being described, there doesn't seem

416
00:14:33,360 --> 00:14:35,300
to be this layer of playfulness

417
00:14:35,634 --> 00:14:38,454
or of pushing hard. It's more of a,

418
00:14:38,834 --> 00:14:40,514
my bad. Now when I was reading the

419
00:14:40,514 --> 00:14:41,714
comments on this, I think it was on

420
00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:43,315
this one, they all start to blur together

421
00:14:43,315 --> 00:14:46,274
after a while. Somebody mentioned, is it less

422
00:14:46,274 --> 00:14:46,774
about

423
00:14:48,509 --> 00:14:50,050
bratting and more about

424
00:14:50,750 --> 00:14:52,990
potentially before saying that he didn't wanna do

425
00:14:52,990 --> 00:14:54,129
it at all anymore. Right?

426
00:14:54,830 --> 00:14:55,330
About

427
00:14:56,190 --> 00:14:56,690
showing

428
00:14:58,029 --> 00:15:00,110
control. That might be another post something new.

429
00:15:00,110 --> 00:15:02,269
But this idea of I'm not gonna do

430
00:15:02,269 --> 00:15:03,884
the thing that you tell me to do

431
00:15:03,965 --> 00:15:05,725
to see how you respond. Can you make

432
00:15:05,725 --> 00:15:07,884
me do this? And sometimes that's yes. That's

433
00:15:07,884 --> 00:15:10,285
associated with brats, but not necessarily. Some people

434
00:15:10,285 --> 00:15:13,085
just sort of want their submission, like, kind

435
00:15:13,085 --> 00:15:16,044
of consensually sort of yanked from them. The

436
00:15:16,044 --> 00:15:18,125
other thing and this one I know is

437
00:15:18,125 --> 00:15:19,389
a comment from this one, cause it got

438
00:15:19,389 --> 00:15:22,589
me thinking. They she describes their relationship as

439
00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:25,629
not 247 bedroom only. Correct. But then has

440
00:15:25,629 --> 00:15:28,110
control of his orgasms at any given point

441
00:15:28,110 --> 00:15:29,470
in the day. Point in time. At that

442
00:15:29,470 --> 00:15:31,784
moment, you're not bedroom only, are you? No.

443
00:15:32,024 --> 00:15:33,784
I wouldn't think so. I wouldn't think so.

444
00:15:33,784 --> 00:15:35,865
Unless you consider it bedroom games. I mean,

445
00:15:35,865 --> 00:15:38,264
you know it. But, you know, as you're

446
00:15:38,264 --> 00:15:40,264
talking, that's another thing I was thinking about,

447
00:15:40,264 --> 00:15:40,924
you know,

448
00:15:42,264 --> 00:15:42,764
if

449
00:15:43,464 --> 00:15:46,139
if orgasm control is something, you know, that

450
00:15:46,139 --> 00:15:48,220
they they they kinda like, but not to

451
00:15:48,220 --> 00:15:49,360
the extent of it,

452
00:15:51,179 --> 00:15:52,860
keep it in the bedroom when they're During

453
00:15:52,860 --> 00:15:54,240
a scene. Absolutely. A scene.

454
00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:56,480
Mhmm. You know, and and

455
00:15:57,579 --> 00:15:58,879
when the scene is over,

456
00:15:59,705 --> 00:16:02,125
it's over. Poop. Right. And so

457
00:16:02,825 --> 00:16:04,345
she gets the as she describes it, the

458
00:16:04,345 --> 00:16:06,904
hotness of it. He gets whatever control he

459
00:16:06,904 --> 00:16:09,304
wants to give up, but then they yeah.

460
00:16:09,304 --> 00:16:11,384
They're obviously the answer is please have a

461
00:16:11,384 --> 00:16:12,605
conversation with one another.

462
00:16:13,384 --> 00:16:15,990
But that's all that's always the answer. Yeah.

463
00:16:16,050 --> 00:16:18,450
Yeah. It's more there's nuance to it. Right.

464
00:16:18,450 --> 00:16:21,090
Because, you know, if you're bedroom only, then

465
00:16:21,090 --> 00:16:24,309
be bedroom only. And people can absolutely negotiate

466
00:16:24,850 --> 00:16:25,590
some middle

467
00:16:25,995 --> 00:16:28,254
thing between bedroom only and 247.

468
00:16:29,674 --> 00:16:30,414
And maybe

469
00:16:31,274 --> 00:16:33,995
it's the activity that's not doing it for

470
00:16:33,995 --> 00:16:35,674
him. It's something you know, you need something

471
00:16:35,674 --> 00:16:36,875
else or it needs to be done in

472
00:16:36,875 --> 00:16:39,535
a different way. Somebody, somebody mentioned

473
00:16:42,470 --> 00:16:43,909
cage you know, putting a cage on him.

474
00:16:43,909 --> 00:16:44,409
Right?

475
00:16:45,589 --> 00:16:46,329
If he

476
00:16:47,029 --> 00:16:49,589
agreed to it and consented to it, sure.

477
00:16:49,589 --> 00:16:51,589
You know? And, yeah, as Rara says, it

478
00:16:51,589 --> 00:16:53,509
could be that this person just doesn't actually

479
00:16:53,509 --> 00:16:55,924
wanna follow rules, wants to do the play

480
00:16:55,944 --> 00:16:58,264
stuff in the moment, but outside that doesn't

481
00:16:58,264 --> 00:17:00,424
want. Yeah. Again, that's that's a conversation you

482
00:17:00,424 --> 00:17:02,345
have to have. Yeah. I see some somebody

483
00:17:02,345 --> 00:17:02,904
else has,

484
00:17:03,865 --> 00:17:05,005
come up with a little

485
00:17:06,105 --> 00:17:07,704
well, you know, technically, they were in the

486
00:17:07,704 --> 00:17:09,559
bathroom and not the bedroom. So

487
00:17:10,440 --> 00:17:12,759
I'm sorry. That sounds like a sassy sup

488
00:17:12,759 --> 00:17:14,460
or brat on this thing,

489
00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:17,660
because we do specialize in finding

490
00:17:18,920 --> 00:17:20,940
loopholes. The loopholes. Yes.

491
00:17:21,295 --> 00:17:23,875
Yeah. I I the question that

492
00:17:24,255 --> 00:17:27,695
there's 2 main questions I think this Dom

493
00:17:27,695 --> 00:17:30,275
needs to ask herself, which is, you know,

494
00:17:31,134 --> 00:17:33,375
1, how do I feel about the

495
00:17:34,159 --> 00:17:34,659
just

496
00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:37,700
disobeying, you know, breaking the rules Mhmm.

497
00:17:39,359 --> 00:17:42,159
And the sort of half ass way of

498
00:17:42,159 --> 00:17:43,599
letting me know when they're you know? Yeah.

499
00:17:43,599 --> 00:17:45,039
I can use punishments, but I don't really

500
00:17:45,039 --> 00:17:45,700
want to.

501
00:17:47,555 --> 00:17:49,714
And, you know, what can what, if anything,

502
00:17:49,714 --> 00:17:51,555
can we negotiate so that I get this

503
00:17:51,555 --> 00:17:54,115
hotness? I find this hot, and I'd like

504
00:17:54,115 --> 00:17:56,835
to continue it, but this isn't working. But

505
00:17:56,835 --> 00:17:58,055
also the

506
00:18:00,700 --> 00:18:02,880
the if you're walking around feeling like basically

507
00:18:03,100 --> 00:18:05,259
your your sub is topping from the bottom,

508
00:18:05,259 --> 00:18:06,700
I mean, that's how I interpret the am

509
00:18:06,700 --> 00:18:09,440
I being domed. I don't I don't think

510
00:18:09,500 --> 00:18:11,180
that that maybe is what he's doing based

511
00:18:11,180 --> 00:18:13,200
on the description, but if that's the vibe

512
00:18:13,259 --> 00:18:14,160
she's getting,

513
00:18:14,700 --> 00:18:17,105
then there's something else going on. And then

514
00:18:17,105 --> 00:18:19,184
it's a matter of, is this is this

515
00:18:19,184 --> 00:18:21,025
something we should be doing together? Or should

516
00:18:21,025 --> 00:18:22,544
I be doing this with you? Should I

517
00:18:22,544 --> 00:18:24,865
go do this with somebody else? I don't

518
00:18:24,865 --> 00:18:26,464
I don't know. You know? Maybe this is

519
00:18:26,464 --> 00:18:28,000
just fun and games when we're we're we're

520
00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:30,259
fucking, and we leave it alone otherwise.

521
00:18:30,640 --> 00:18:31,759
Right. I mean, the other thing I thought

522
00:18:31,759 --> 00:18:32,419
of too,

523
00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:35,380
you know, is this the only rule

524
00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:39,679
that they're breaking? Are they breaking other rules?

525
00:18:39,679 --> 00:18:40,980
Yeah. You know,

526
00:18:42,184 --> 00:18:44,125
she said as as the dawn Demetrius

527
00:18:44,585 --> 00:18:45,164
does not,

528
00:18:46,345 --> 00:18:47,404
do much punishment.

529
00:18:47,944 --> 00:18:49,464
Right. She knows she can, but she doesn't.

530
00:18:49,464 --> 00:18:51,865
Yeah. And could that be something that he's

531
00:18:51,865 --> 00:18:53,464
edging for? You know, you know? Right. Absolutely.

532
00:18:53,464 --> 00:18:53,964
Punishment.

533
00:18:54,265 --> 00:18:55,500
Or looking for punishment.

534
00:18:55,980 --> 00:18:57,180
Or but see, here's the

535
00:18:58,140 --> 00:18:59,660
I don't know. Maybe I'm being a stickler

536
00:18:59,660 --> 00:19:02,019
for language. If you tell me bedroom only

537
00:19:02,299 --> 00:19:04,700
Mhmm. Then in my mind, rules don't leave

538
00:19:04,700 --> 00:19:06,700
the bedroom necessarily. Now I don't think that

539
00:19:06,700 --> 00:19:08,204
that has to be strictly true. I could

540
00:19:08,444 --> 00:19:10,605
imagine saying seeing somebody go, we're bedroom only

541
00:19:10,605 --> 00:19:12,304
meaning we just keep it to, like, sex.

542
00:19:12,684 --> 00:19:14,684
And so sexual things will be part of

543
00:19:14,684 --> 00:19:15,345
the negotiation.

544
00:19:16,125 --> 00:19:17,904
I just I think that, you know,

545
00:19:18,204 --> 00:19:20,544
neither side is very clear to themselves

546
00:19:20,845 --> 00:19:22,284
on what they want, what they're willing to

547
00:19:22,284 --> 00:19:23,904
do, and how they're gonna get there.

548
00:19:24,769 --> 00:19:27,329
And then, you know, if if your mind

549
00:19:27,329 --> 00:19:29,490
goes to, am I being domed by my

550
00:19:29,490 --> 00:19:32,769
own sub? Yeah. That tells me there's probably

551
00:19:32,769 --> 00:19:33,669
something else,

552
00:19:33,970 --> 00:19:36,210
you know, adding to that vibe. There's an

553
00:19:36,210 --> 00:19:36,710
attitude.

554
00:19:37,089 --> 00:19:38,470
There's a way of speaking.

555
00:19:39,009 --> 00:19:41,505
There's, you know, how you're being treated in

556
00:19:41,505 --> 00:19:42,244
some way

557
00:19:42,625 --> 00:19:44,565
where you're getting the message that,

558
00:19:44,865 --> 00:19:46,944
you know, you don't have the control you

559
00:19:46,944 --> 00:19:49,605
think you have. And, you know, the reasons

560
00:19:49,664 --> 00:19:51,825
can be from I thought that's what I

561
00:19:51,825 --> 00:19:53,684
wanted but I don't to,

562
00:19:54,109 --> 00:19:56,590
you know, I'm testing you, to I don't

563
00:19:56,590 --> 00:19:58,429
know what the fuck I'm doing either. You

564
00:19:58,429 --> 00:20:00,590
know? Like, oh, I was just playing and

565
00:20:00,590 --> 00:20:02,690
this has become more serious than I anticipated.

566
00:20:03,309 --> 00:20:03,809
Like

567
00:20:05,150 --> 00:20:05,650
yeah.

568
00:20:06,109 --> 00:20:08,275
No. That got serious quick. It always does.

569
00:20:08,275 --> 00:20:09,414
Give me a second.

570
00:20:10,035 --> 00:20:11,795
Give me a second. I will make it

571
00:20:11,795 --> 00:20:13,974
serious. Okay. Let's go to the next one.

572
00:20:15,315 --> 00:20:17,714
Okay. This is another long one. I've already

573
00:20:17,714 --> 00:20:19,015
warned y'all. It's fine.

574
00:20:19,474 --> 00:20:20,739
Is this a healthy form of masochism? I've

575
00:20:20,739 --> 00:20:20,867
considered myself a masochist for a long time,

576
00:20:20,867 --> 00:20:20,994
but now, that I'm thinking about it,

577
00:20:21,795 --> 00:20:22,295
I'm

578
00:20:22,920 --> 00:20:24,891
considered myself a masochist for a long time,

579
00:20:24,891 --> 00:20:27,080
but now, that I'm thinking about it a

580
00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:28,519
little more, I'm not sure if it's the

581
00:20:28,519 --> 00:20:31,000
right term for what I'm feeling. Like most

582
00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:33,640
people who would consider themselves masochists, my personal

583
00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:35,660
enjoyment of pain is context dependent.

584
00:20:36,164 --> 00:20:37,845
I'm sure all but a very small fraction

585
00:20:37,845 --> 00:20:40,245
of masochists don't get excited when they stub

586
00:20:40,245 --> 00:20:42,184
their toe or get a cold, for instance.

587
00:20:42,485 --> 00:20:45,045
From what I've seen, most masochists enjoy various

588
00:20:45,045 --> 00:20:47,365
forms of pain solely in a BDSM context,

589
00:20:47,365 --> 00:20:49,065
and I'm no different in this regard.

590
00:20:49,525 --> 00:20:51,179
Where I seem to diverge is that I've

591
00:20:51,179 --> 00:20:53,099
seen a lot of subs describe pain or

592
00:20:53,099 --> 00:20:54,480
being hurt as fun.

593
00:20:54,940 --> 00:20:56,779
I've also seen a lot of doms find

594
00:20:56,779 --> 00:20:59,660
alternative ways to punish their masochistic subs under

595
00:20:59,660 --> 00:21:02,140
the assumption that including pain would render the

596
00:21:02,140 --> 00:21:03,200
punishment null.

597
00:21:03,674 --> 00:21:06,075
I don't find pain fun, in that sense

598
00:21:06,075 --> 00:21:07,995
at least. I don't want to find pain

599
00:21:07,995 --> 00:21:10,875
fun. I want to suffer, however. I want

600
00:21:10,875 --> 00:21:13,195
to be in pain and experience things I

601
00:21:13,195 --> 00:21:14,735
don't enjoy, specifically

602
00:21:15,115 --> 00:21:16,015
for someone.

603
00:21:16,529 --> 00:21:18,850
I crave pain only insofar as I can

604
00:21:18,850 --> 00:21:21,269
make the person causing the pain happy.

605
00:21:21,570 --> 00:21:22,789
My positive experiences

606
00:21:23,250 --> 00:21:25,650
with receiving pain are less, air quote, fun

607
00:21:25,650 --> 00:21:26,789
and more fulfilling.

608
00:21:27,250 --> 00:21:29,730
My personal form of submission leans quite heavy

609
00:21:29,730 --> 00:21:32,204
on service, and I view receiving pain through

610
00:21:32,204 --> 00:21:34,845
that same lens. If someone slapped me, I

611
00:21:34,845 --> 00:21:36,845
truly wouldn't like the pain, but I'd like

612
00:21:36,845 --> 00:21:38,684
the smile they got on their face from

613
00:21:38,684 --> 00:21:39,585
doing so.

614
00:21:40,445 --> 00:21:43,244
A particularly memorable scene I've participated in was

615
00:21:43,244 --> 00:21:45,390
one in which my top held back expressing

616
00:21:45,390 --> 00:21:47,250
their happiness while donning me.

617
00:21:47,549 --> 00:21:50,049
During the scene I became very emotionally distressed

618
00:21:50,190 --> 00:21:52,269
and in the moment was having absolutely no

619
00:21:52,269 --> 00:21:53,009
fun at all.

620
00:21:53,309 --> 00:21:54,910
Once the scene had come to a close,

621
00:21:54,910 --> 00:21:57,105
they reassured me that the distress they had

622
00:21:57,105 --> 00:21:59,265
caused me made them very happy and it

623
00:21:59,265 --> 00:22:01,265
was as if the entire scene went from

624
00:22:01,265 --> 00:22:04,065
horrible to amazing in my memory. All my

625
00:22:04,065 --> 00:22:05,684
suffering had been given meaning.

626
00:22:06,065 --> 00:22:08,144
On a psychological level, I'm sure there is

627
00:22:08,144 --> 00:22:10,544
some degree of regular old masochism occurring. I'm

628
00:22:10,544 --> 00:22:13,619
enjoying the inherent unfairness and not having fun

629
00:22:13,759 --> 00:22:15,919
just so someone else can can at my

630
00:22:15,919 --> 00:22:18,000
expense. And all my favorite insults have been

631
00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:20,559
things like pushover, doormat or other terms that

632
00:22:20,559 --> 00:22:23,299
suggest I'm pathetic for accepting this unfairness

633
00:22:23,759 --> 00:22:24,795
just to please someone.

634
00:22:25,355 --> 00:22:26,955
I don't seem to find many other subs

635
00:22:26,955 --> 00:22:28,555
like me, which makes me worry that what

636
00:22:28,555 --> 00:22:30,875
I want isn't healthy, if it's a really

637
00:22:30,875 --> 00:22:33,275
roundabout form of self harm or stems from

638
00:22:33,275 --> 00:22:36,075
insecurity or something. I also have concerns about

639
00:22:36,075 --> 00:22:37,994
whether or not many doms would even want

640
00:22:37,994 --> 00:22:40,450
a sub like me. Community opinion here seems

641
00:22:40,450 --> 00:22:42,690
to be that it's appreciated when submissives are

642
00:22:42,690 --> 00:22:45,970
enthusiastic about receiving pain or otherwise excited at

643
00:22:45,970 --> 00:22:48,210
the prospect of being hurt. I worry that

644
00:22:48,210 --> 00:22:50,369
a potential partner would feel guilty for hurting

645
00:22:50,369 --> 00:22:52,450
me since my appreciation of the pain is

646
00:22:52,450 --> 00:22:55,384
less direct. Does anyone have any insight either

647
00:22:55,384 --> 00:22:57,144
from being similar to me or knowing someone

648
00:22:57,144 --> 00:22:59,545
who is? Many thanks. This person needs a

649
00:22:59,545 --> 00:23:01,465
sadist who also wants to dom. But you

650
00:23:01,465 --> 00:23:02,904
know what I mean? Yes. They need a

651
00:23:02,904 --> 00:23:05,384
sadist who's gonna be like, yes. Right. They

652
00:23:05,384 --> 00:23:06,525
they they do.

653
00:23:07,384 --> 00:23:08,125
You know,

654
00:23:08,910 --> 00:23:10,830
and and their fear that there's something wrong

655
00:23:10,830 --> 00:23:12,350
with them, there's not. They just like what

656
00:23:12,350 --> 00:23:14,590
they like. And they're very clear what they

657
00:23:14,590 --> 00:23:16,190
like. And they know what they like. That's

658
00:23:16,190 --> 00:23:18,750
very mentally healthy to be mentally solid. Yes.

659
00:23:18,750 --> 00:23:20,049
Actually, that that is.

660
00:23:20,764 --> 00:23:22,784
So, you know, no. I I don't

661
00:23:23,644 --> 00:23:25,724
see a problem with that with with what

662
00:23:25,724 --> 00:23:27,644
you're doing with what you like. You just

663
00:23:27,644 --> 00:23:29,085
need to find the right person to do

664
00:23:29,085 --> 00:23:31,005
it. Mhmm. And I have a feeling there

665
00:23:31,005 --> 00:23:32,304
are probably more people

666
00:23:32,605 --> 00:23:33,664
out there who

667
00:23:34,230 --> 00:23:35,829
would be into it, would like it as

668
00:23:35,829 --> 00:23:37,509
much as you do, or would find some

669
00:23:37,509 --> 00:23:38,009
other

670
00:23:38,630 --> 00:23:40,789
benefit or joy from it, even if it's

671
00:23:40,789 --> 00:23:41,929
not a one to 1.

672
00:23:42,549 --> 00:23:43,130
You know,

673
00:23:44,150 --> 00:23:46,869
I am twofold on my masochism. There are

674
00:23:46,869 --> 00:23:50,704
some types of pain I genuinely enjoy. Okay?

675
00:23:50,704 --> 00:23:52,144
I like a deep thud. I like it

676
00:23:52,144 --> 00:23:53,664
to feel like I'm getting that deep tissue

677
00:23:53,664 --> 00:23:55,605
massage. I like certain

678
00:23:56,384 --> 00:23:58,545
surface layer smacks that don't actually turn to

679
00:23:58,545 --> 00:24:00,884
sting. I enjoy that sensation.

680
00:24:02,099 --> 00:24:05,480
On the other hand, I accept sensations that

681
00:24:05,779 --> 00:24:07,779
if you asked me if I wanted them,

682
00:24:07,779 --> 00:24:10,579
I'm gonna tell you no. Why? Because for

683
00:24:10,579 --> 00:24:13,779
me, it's about enduring. It's about taking what

684
00:24:13,779 --> 00:24:16,279
JV can give me within my limits.

685
00:24:16,819 --> 00:24:18,684
The if anytime I feel kind of down

686
00:24:18,684 --> 00:24:20,204
about that, it's more that I feel bad

687
00:24:20,204 --> 00:24:22,865
that I can't take more. Like I mentally

688
00:24:23,085 --> 00:24:25,825
cannot let myself go there to handle

689
00:24:26,365 --> 00:24:26,865
harder,

690
00:24:27,404 --> 00:24:28,625
worse, whatever, whatever.

691
00:24:29,559 --> 00:24:31,400
And that's that's just a me thing. JB's

692
00:24:31,400 --> 00:24:32,599
like I get what I get and we're

693
00:24:32,599 --> 00:24:33,720
good. Right? But

694
00:24:34,200 --> 00:24:36,619
so there are all kinds of reasons

695
00:24:36,920 --> 00:24:37,420
to,

696
00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:40,359
be willing to accept the pain and then

697
00:24:40,359 --> 00:24:41,660
take the label as masochist.

698
00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:44,119
I do think that I don't know what's

699
00:24:44,119 --> 00:24:44,779
more common.

700
00:24:45,174 --> 00:24:46,855
You know, is it more common to say

701
00:24:46,855 --> 00:24:50,214
you're having fun or you enjoy the pain?

702
00:24:50,214 --> 00:24:50,714
Or

703
00:24:51,335 --> 00:24:53,654
is that the and nothing we do in

704
00:24:53,654 --> 00:24:56,295
BDSM is socially acceptable, but is it the

705
00:24:56,295 --> 00:24:59,595
more socially acceptable way to describe your masochism?

706
00:25:01,079 --> 00:25:03,480
Because most people, if they're not familiar with

707
00:25:03,480 --> 00:25:05,640
sadism and masochism, or if you come across

708
00:25:05,640 --> 00:25:07,400
a group that it's not a lot of

709
00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:10,119
people into that who would label themselves that,

710
00:25:10,119 --> 00:25:12,440
they get real weirded out when you're like,

711
00:25:12,440 --> 00:25:14,839
yeah. I wanna suffer. I want you to

712
00:25:14,839 --> 00:25:17,845
make it hurt. And for any reason other

713
00:25:17,845 --> 00:25:19,205
than, oh, yeah. By the way, I really

714
00:25:19,205 --> 00:25:20,184
enjoy it too.

715
00:25:20,644 --> 00:25:22,484
And I also think I really enjoy it

716
00:25:22,484 --> 00:25:24,484
too is a blanket statement that can mean

717
00:25:24,484 --> 00:25:26,424
a whole hell of a lot of things.

718
00:25:26,644 --> 00:25:28,960
When I say I'm having fun like sometimes

719
00:25:28,960 --> 00:25:30,720
I'm having fun in the scene. We're laughing.

720
00:25:30,720 --> 00:25:31,539
We're joking.

721
00:25:31,919 --> 00:25:33,919
It hurts. I'm getting to squeal and dance

722
00:25:33,919 --> 00:25:34,579
and that's

723
00:25:34,960 --> 00:25:36,339
fun. And sometimes

724
00:25:37,519 --> 00:25:39,759
in the scene, it's not fun. In the

725
00:25:39,759 --> 00:25:41,359
scene, I'm like, I got to remember how

726
00:25:41,359 --> 00:25:43,734
to breathe here. How long can I go?

727
00:25:43,734 --> 00:25:45,575
How much can I take? Relax your body.

728
00:25:45,575 --> 00:25:47,494
Relax your body. Relax your body. Right? Like,

729
00:25:47,494 --> 00:25:49,414
I'm going through all that because I am

730
00:25:49,414 --> 00:25:52,954
enduring something. I am purposefully allowing something

731
00:25:53,255 --> 00:25:55,734
I do not find pleasant because the part

732
00:25:55,734 --> 00:25:57,894
I'm enjoying and that I want and that

733
00:25:57,894 --> 00:26:00,190
I will, you know, I can accept all

734
00:26:00,190 --> 00:26:02,269
kinds of things in order to have is

735
00:26:02,269 --> 00:26:05,470
the service, is the submission, is the knowing

736
00:26:05,470 --> 00:26:08,190
I'm doing something that makes JV happy. Like,

737
00:26:08,190 --> 00:26:09,809
there's all kinds of multilayered

738
00:26:10,109 --> 00:26:10,609
reasons

739
00:26:11,315 --> 00:26:12,595
that I think if you got into a

740
00:26:12,595 --> 00:26:14,515
conversation with a masochist who was comfortable with

741
00:26:14,515 --> 00:26:16,914
themselves could probably take you into those deep

742
00:26:16,914 --> 00:26:19,174
layers of what they're getting from their masochism.

743
00:26:19,474 --> 00:26:21,154
But when you're in a space where there's

744
00:26:21,154 --> 00:26:23,670
probably gonna be more than like one person

745
00:26:23,890 --> 00:26:25,650
going, oh my god. I'm a little scared

746
00:26:25,650 --> 00:26:27,009
for you. Are sure are you sure this

747
00:26:27,009 --> 00:26:27,830
isn't abuse?

748
00:26:28,289 --> 00:26:30,470
You I think people put like a

749
00:26:30,769 --> 00:26:32,609
like paint a nice picture of it. Oh

750
00:26:32,609 --> 00:26:34,450
yeah. I'm having a good time, which is

751
00:26:34,450 --> 00:26:34,950
true,

752
00:26:35,410 --> 00:26:36,315
but that doesn't

753
00:26:36,794 --> 00:26:39,355
necessarily mean you're describing what is fun for

754
00:26:39,355 --> 00:26:41,194
you or why you're having a good time.

755
00:26:41,194 --> 00:26:43,754
Right? Like, sometimes it's a sensation. Some they're

756
00:26:43,754 --> 00:26:45,514
masochists who just fucking love the pain, and

757
00:26:45,514 --> 00:26:46,894
they're like, bring it on.

758
00:26:47,194 --> 00:26:49,914
And then sometimes it's, you know, it's it's

759
00:26:50,315 --> 00:26:52,089
there's nuance to it or there are other

760
00:26:52,089 --> 00:26:54,429
reasons that aren't necessarily getting shared.

761
00:26:54,889 --> 00:26:56,730
You know? The way this person was describing

762
00:26:56,730 --> 00:26:58,429
their masochism, even though it's not

763
00:26:59,049 --> 00:27:00,669
how I experience my masochism

764
00:27:01,289 --> 00:27:02,730
in the same way or all the time

765
00:27:02,889 --> 00:27:04,750
there goes a kid texting now.

766
00:27:06,125 --> 00:27:08,445
I it resonated with me because of the

767
00:27:08,445 --> 00:27:10,705
reasons that I I can

768
00:27:11,085 --> 00:27:11,904
let you

769
00:27:12,205 --> 00:27:14,845
use toys I don't like, or hit so

770
00:27:14,845 --> 00:27:16,225
hard that there's a handprint.

771
00:27:16,684 --> 00:27:18,765
Look, he was spanking me this morning. It

772
00:27:18,765 --> 00:27:19,259
hurt

773
00:27:19,740 --> 00:27:22,299
like hell. It was not a sensation I

774
00:27:22,299 --> 00:27:25,359
would invite into my little masochistic world.

775
00:27:25,740 --> 00:27:27,420
But Let's just say it hurt my hand,

776
00:27:27,420 --> 00:27:28,859
so I know it had to hurt you.

777
00:27:28,859 --> 00:27:30,700
It was the connection. It was the being

778
00:27:30,700 --> 00:27:32,619
pinned down. It was being rolled over so

779
00:27:32,619 --> 00:27:34,880
you could get better access. It was the

780
00:27:35,224 --> 00:27:37,164
marks I saw afterwards.

781
00:27:37,785 --> 00:27:39,884
It was all of that. Mhmm. Right?

782
00:27:40,505 --> 00:27:43,224
And, also, I I I handled that pain.

783
00:27:43,224 --> 00:27:45,144
I took it. I didn't necessarily like it,

784
00:27:45,144 --> 00:27:46,744
but I took it. And there was something

785
00:27:46,744 --> 00:27:49,440
in in that for me as well. So

786
00:27:49,440 --> 00:27:51,600
I think it's more that, you know, unless

787
00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:53,299
you're in a space where you know

788
00:27:53,759 --> 00:27:56,480
those kind of nuances and conversations about sadism

789
00:27:56,480 --> 00:27:57,859
and masochism are welcome,

790
00:27:58,160 --> 00:28:00,080
I think it's that what really happens is

791
00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:01,440
most people only talk about it in a

792
00:28:01,440 --> 00:28:02,085
surface level

793
00:28:02,565 --> 00:28:05,125
way. Mostly to reassure everybody around them. No,

794
00:28:05,125 --> 00:28:05,944
no, I'm not

795
00:28:06,244 --> 00:28:09,605
being abused or letting somebody you know, you

796
00:28:09,605 --> 00:28:11,765
kind of there's there's a lot of that

797
00:28:11,765 --> 00:28:13,544
even in the BDSM community

798
00:28:13,845 --> 00:28:15,365
where it's like, no, no, let me reassure

799
00:28:15,365 --> 00:28:17,339
everybody around me because they don't like it

800
00:28:17,339 --> 00:28:19,579
the way I like it, and this way

801
00:28:19,579 --> 00:28:21,819
they won't give me weird looks or You

802
00:28:21,819 --> 00:28:22,480
know what?

803
00:28:22,940 --> 00:28:25,519
Rahra just in the in the chat mentioned,

804
00:28:25,659 --> 00:28:27,039
you know, talked about what

805
00:28:27,740 --> 00:28:28,240
masochism

806
00:28:29,179 --> 00:28:31,579
means to her. Mhmm. And and, you know,

807
00:28:31,579 --> 00:28:32,640
seeing that and

808
00:28:33,545 --> 00:28:35,644
this person's question and everything,

809
00:28:36,265 --> 00:28:38,904
I I bet dollars to donuts, if you

810
00:28:38,904 --> 00:28:40,525
ask 10 masochists

811
00:28:42,025 --> 00:28:44,744
what masochism means to them, you get 10

812
00:28:44,744 --> 00:28:45,724
different answers.

813
00:28:48,320 --> 00:28:50,559
So I agree. I agree. And I think

814
00:28:50,559 --> 00:28:51,059
that's,

815
00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:53,920
you know, I've and that would track with

816
00:28:53,920 --> 00:28:55,039
me because if you ask somebody

817
00:28:56,000 --> 00:28:58,160
multiple people about submission, you're gonna get multiple

818
00:28:58,160 --> 00:28:58,980
different answers.

819
00:28:59,519 --> 00:29:02,019
It's just we don't get enough people

820
00:29:02,815 --> 00:29:05,934
talking in the in general BDSM spaces about

821
00:29:05,934 --> 00:29:09,215
masochism or sadism. True. Because the thing that

822
00:29:09,215 --> 00:29:09,875
will get

823
00:29:10,174 --> 00:29:13,055
both non kingsters and just some kingsters looking

824
00:29:13,055 --> 00:29:14,434
at you like you are, you know,

825
00:29:15,134 --> 00:29:17,640
an abuser or a freak or whatever is

826
00:29:17,640 --> 00:29:18,779
sadism and masochism.

827
00:29:20,200 --> 00:29:20,700
Like

828
00:29:21,400 --> 00:29:22,440
and yet on the other end of the

829
00:29:22,440 --> 00:29:24,359
spectrum, there are plenty of kinksters who think

830
00:29:24,359 --> 00:29:26,680
they're not kinky because they don't like pain.

831
00:29:26,680 --> 00:29:27,799
Yeah. It's

832
00:29:30,065 --> 00:29:31,345
You know, I I have said this so

833
00:29:31,345 --> 00:29:32,085
many times.

834
00:29:32,384 --> 00:29:33,825
You can be a submissive and not be

835
00:29:33,825 --> 00:29:35,184
a masochist. You can be a masochist and

836
00:29:35,184 --> 00:29:37,045
not have a submissive bone in your body.

837
00:29:37,505 --> 00:29:40,144
Mhmm. Mhmm. K. And this but this person

838
00:29:40,144 --> 00:29:41,825
even says that for them, it's part of

839
00:29:41,825 --> 00:29:44,930
this their service to it, Or there's the

840
00:29:44,930 --> 00:29:46,849
knowing that their partner was having a good

841
00:29:46,849 --> 00:29:48,690
time even if they weren't. I love how

842
00:29:48,690 --> 00:29:50,210
they were able to describe that in the

843
00:29:50,210 --> 00:29:51,190
moment of a scene,

844
00:29:51,809 --> 00:29:52,710
they were, like,

845
00:29:53,090 --> 00:29:54,690
they were worried. They were this. They were

846
00:29:54,690 --> 00:29:56,769
that. And then the moment they knew that

847
00:29:56,769 --> 00:29:58,450
their partner was, like, oh, yeah. That was

848
00:29:58,450 --> 00:30:00,265
good. It shifted in their mind for them.

849
00:30:00,265 --> 00:30:01,865
That's And see, I can I can relate

850
00:30:01,865 --> 00:30:02,845
to that because,

851
00:30:03,224 --> 00:30:03,964
you know, whenever

852
00:30:04,505 --> 00:30:05,005
I'm

853
00:30:05,705 --> 00:30:07,384
I I look for that? I look for

854
00:30:07,384 --> 00:30:08,525
that reaction.

855
00:30:08,825 --> 00:30:11,144
Mhmm. So that you know that you're not

856
00:30:11,144 --> 00:30:13,884
the only one enjoying this. Right. Yeah. Yeah.

857
00:30:15,230 --> 00:30:16,669
Silence says the best. How about we just

858
00:30:16,669 --> 00:30:18,190
stop trying to put everything into neat little

859
00:30:18,190 --> 00:30:18,690
boxes?

860
00:30:19,309 --> 00:30:21,630
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I I we would

861
00:30:21,630 --> 00:30:23,809
have to, like, stop being human because apparently

862
00:30:24,269 --> 00:30:25,803
our brains are just try to do that

863
00:30:25,803 --> 00:30:25,838
naturally. So you do have to go against

864
00:30:25,838 --> 00:30:26,029
your wiring a little bit. Some people do

865
00:30:26,029 --> 00:30:26,529
that,

866
00:30:31,394 --> 00:30:34,095
But I think it's just recognizing that there's

867
00:30:34,095 --> 00:30:35,734
nuance. So we have to use these

868
00:30:36,194 --> 00:30:37,174
bigger words,

869
00:30:37,554 --> 00:30:38,615
broader categories,

870
00:30:39,210 --> 00:30:41,849
to try and, like, fit ourselves into if

871
00:30:41,849 --> 00:30:43,149
we choose to do so.

872
00:30:43,529 --> 00:30:45,549
But those broad categories

873
00:30:45,929 --> 00:30:48,269
don't have a single simplified definition.

874
00:30:48,890 --> 00:30:50,890
Although they do have a broad definition, but

875
00:30:50,890 --> 00:30:53,414
what that means there's so much nuance into

876
00:30:53,414 --> 00:30:56,714
what those that definition means. To like pain

877
00:30:57,894 --> 00:30:59,595
does not mean that necessarily

878
00:30:59,974 --> 00:31:01,894
that you're like, hot damn. Bring on this

879
00:31:01,894 --> 00:31:04,534
pain. There's something you like about it or

880
00:31:04,534 --> 00:31:05,994
some purpose it serves,

881
00:31:06,869 --> 00:31:08,150
And the best word most of us have

882
00:31:08,150 --> 00:31:10,890
is masochist. Mhmm. So Yeah.

883
00:31:11,990 --> 00:31:14,710
Yeah. Okay. I'm gonna be I'm liking these

884
00:31:14,710 --> 00:31:15,609
so far, but

885
00:31:15,990 --> 00:31:17,910
I'm not ranting yet. No. I need somebody

886
00:31:17,910 --> 00:31:19,450
to piss me off. No.

887
00:31:20,644 --> 00:31:21,144
Okay.

888
00:31:21,524 --> 00:31:23,284
Oh, no. This one will probably do it.

889
00:31:23,284 --> 00:31:25,605
Okay. I remember this one. Like, I may

890
00:31:25,605 --> 00:31:28,345
have, you know, hope prospects here.

891
00:31:28,964 --> 00:31:30,644
I I've I've bigged it up about how

892
00:31:30,644 --> 00:31:31,924
I need to rant. That's how I know

893
00:31:31,924 --> 00:31:32,984
I probably won't rant.

894
00:31:33,400 --> 00:31:35,319
Okay. I was talking to my partner about

895
00:31:35,319 --> 00:31:37,400
the nature of the DS relationship and he

896
00:31:37,400 --> 00:31:40,619
said some things that disturbed me. We're ready.

897
00:31:41,160 --> 00:31:44,039
A sub by Practice and Nature, 38 female.

898
00:31:44,039 --> 00:31:45,720
I like to think I'm familiar with DS

899
00:31:45,720 --> 00:31:48,734
dynamics. However, my partner, 43 Male, said some

900
00:31:48,734 --> 00:31:50,815
things recently that have me wondering if I'm

901
00:31:50,815 --> 00:31:51,315
mistaken

902
00:31:51,615 --> 00:31:53,694
or if this goes beyond being dominant and

903
00:31:53,694 --> 00:31:56,355
is indicative of potentially damaging behavior.

904
00:31:57,214 --> 00:31:59,759
My understanding is that the Dom's power only

905
00:31:59,839 --> 00:32:01,359
extends as far as the sub is willing

906
00:32:01,359 --> 00:32:04,160
to relinquish that power. I also understand the

907
00:32:04,160 --> 00:32:06,720
euphoria of being lost in subspace, completely letting

908
00:32:06,720 --> 00:32:08,880
go and having absolute trust that while your

909
00:32:08,880 --> 00:32:11,119
Dom may push your boundaries, they will always

910
00:32:11,119 --> 00:32:13,279
keep you safe. The freedom in that trust

911
00:32:13,279 --> 00:32:14,914
is bliss. It's almost sacred.

912
00:32:15,615 --> 00:32:17,715
To me, that should come with the understanding

913
00:32:18,174 --> 00:32:18,914
that there

914
00:32:19,615 --> 00:32:21,615
are boundaries that should never be crossed with

915
00:32:21,615 --> 00:32:24,575
the sub. Yes, safe words keep that boundary

916
00:32:24,575 --> 00:32:26,414
in check, but I like the comfort in

917
00:32:26,414 --> 00:32:28,755
knowing that my Dom would never, intentionally,

918
00:32:29,535 --> 00:32:31,109
push me me so far as to have

919
00:32:31,109 --> 00:32:33,430
to use it. I also want the security

920
00:32:33,430 --> 00:32:34,950
in knowing that the safe word will be

921
00:32:34,950 --> 00:32:37,049
respected if used during a scene.

922
00:32:37,430 --> 00:32:40,230
That means establishing those boundaries well before engaging

923
00:32:40,230 --> 00:32:41,210
in any play.

924
00:32:41,830 --> 00:32:43,765
The other night, while having a conversation with

925
00:32:43,765 --> 00:32:46,565
my partner, I expressed concern that I fear

926
00:32:46,565 --> 00:32:48,424
he wouldn't respect my boundaries.

927
00:32:49,044 --> 00:32:51,365
There are absolute no go's for me during

928
00:32:51,365 --> 00:32:51,865
sex.

929
00:32:52,404 --> 00:32:52,904
During

930
00:32:53,444 --> 00:32:53,944
sex,

931
00:32:55,924 --> 00:32:58,210
actions that if knowingly crossed would lead me

932
00:32:58,210 --> 00:33:00,230
to heavily consider leaving the relationship.

933
00:33:00,769 --> 00:33:03,349
I told him explicitly what those things were.

934
00:33:03,490 --> 00:33:05,730
Don't choke me until I black out. Don't

935
00:33:05,730 --> 00:33:07,649
hit me in the face. And don't spit

936
00:33:07,649 --> 00:33:10,069
in my mouth. I also mentioned cutting me,

937
00:33:10,369 --> 00:33:11,429
later in the conversation.

938
00:33:11,809 --> 00:33:12,630
His response,

939
00:33:13,264 --> 00:33:14,865
That just makes me want to black you

940
00:33:14,865 --> 00:33:16,544
out, hit you in the face and spit

941
00:33:16,544 --> 00:33:17,365
in your mouth.

942
00:33:18,384 --> 00:33:20,325
As a sub, you don't get to nitpick

943
00:33:20,384 --> 00:33:23,184
about every little thing the dom does like

944
00:33:23,184 --> 00:33:25,444
don't pull my hair, don't pinch my butt.

945
00:33:27,059 --> 00:33:28,980
In my mind, this isn't him wanting a

946
00:33:28,980 --> 00:33:31,380
DS relationship. I see no exchange of power

947
00:33:31,380 --> 00:33:33,299
in this scenario. I read that as him

948
00:33:33,299 --> 00:33:35,319
wanting absolute, unchecked control.

949
00:33:35,779 --> 00:33:36,279
Basically,

950
00:33:36,980 --> 00:33:39,184
I understood his response as you don't get

951
00:33:39,184 --> 00:33:40,585
to tell me what I can or cannot

952
00:33:40,585 --> 00:33:42,184
do to you. I decide where the line

953
00:33:42,184 --> 00:33:44,365
is. I made the correlation that

954
00:33:44,904 --> 00:33:47,565
if this is his idea of fantasy play,

955
00:33:47,865 --> 00:33:49,785
he may also desire to obtain that same

956
00:33:49,785 --> 00:33:51,865
level of control in other aspects of our

957
00:33:51,865 --> 00:33:52,670
relationship. The

958
00:33:53,769 --> 00:33:55,369
implications of toxicity and abuse that can stem

959
00:33:55,369 --> 00:33:55,950
from this mindset

960
00:33:56,330 --> 00:33:57,869
scared me. I was visibly

961
00:33:58,170 --> 00:33:58,670
upset.

962
00:33:59,289 --> 00:34:01,049
He explained that he isn't telling me I

963
00:34:01,049 --> 00:34:02,990
don't have the power to say no.

964
00:34:03,450 --> 00:34:06,170
Only that within the DS dynamic power exchange

965
00:34:06,170 --> 00:34:08,014
comes from the sub giving control to the

966
00:34:08,014 --> 00:34:10,194
dom and they have to trust the dom.

967
00:34:10,255 --> 00:34:12,655
That pushing the sub's comfort level is the

968
00:34:12,655 --> 00:34:14,974
point. He said, I misunderstood what he was

969
00:34:14,974 --> 00:34:17,135
telling me and I was self sabotaging the

970
00:34:17,135 --> 00:34:19,954
relationship by drawing irrational conclusions.

971
00:34:20,530 --> 00:34:22,369
Him equating being choked till I pass out

972
00:34:22,369 --> 00:34:24,610
to having my hair pulled was dismissive, and

973
00:34:24,610 --> 00:34:26,210
I felt he was mocking me. It makes

974
00:34:26,210 --> 00:34:28,210
me think he doesn't respect my boundaries, and

975
00:34:28,210 --> 00:34:30,550
I shouldn't trust him anymore in any regards.

976
00:34:30,930 --> 00:34:33,410
Did I fundamentally misinterpret the nature of a

977
00:34:33,410 --> 00:34:35,465
DS relationship? Do I have a right to

978
00:34:35,465 --> 00:34:36,985
be concerned? Give me a second. I need

979
00:34:36,985 --> 00:34:38,844
to say this. Okay. Go right ahead.

980
00:34:39,144 --> 00:34:42,265
Why do so many clearly intelligent human beings

981
00:34:42,265 --> 00:34:44,505
who can see nuance and discuss these things

982
00:34:44,505 --> 00:34:45,644
so fucking clearly

983
00:34:46,280 --> 00:34:47,800
then get to the end and go, but

984
00:34:47,800 --> 00:34:49,900
wait, is it just me?

985
00:34:50,440 --> 00:34:53,500
You you have so much strength in you

986
00:34:53,639 --> 00:34:55,480
to outline this, to know what the fuck

987
00:34:55,480 --> 00:34:57,019
you want, to know what is acceptable.

988
00:34:57,400 --> 00:35:00,014
Do not gaslight yourself at the fucking end.

989
00:35:00,734 --> 00:35:03,375
You've already figured it out. Yeah. You already

990
00:35:03,375 --> 00:35:06,094
know the answer. You didn't disregard shit. You're

991
00:35:06,094 --> 00:35:08,654
not a dumbass. You see it. Throw that

992
00:35:08,654 --> 00:35:09,154
motherfucker

993
00:35:10,255 --> 00:35:13,474
To the curb. Away away away away.

994
00:35:14,190 --> 00:35:15,710
Yeah. That that's some serious,

995
00:35:16,750 --> 00:35:19,070
serious stuff there. She's she is not incorrect

996
00:35:19,070 --> 00:35:20,369
about what her

997
00:35:21,070 --> 00:35:24,050
idea of of of DS should be.

998
00:35:25,949 --> 00:35:27,089
Yeah. He you know.

999
00:35:29,244 --> 00:35:29,744
Wow.

1000
00:35:30,764 --> 00:35:31,824
I mean, the

1001
00:35:32,844 --> 00:35:34,704
the scary thing is Mhmm.

1002
00:35:35,005 --> 00:35:36,844
He put it all out there. He literally

1003
00:35:36,844 --> 00:35:38,364
said, I'm gonna do the thing you said

1004
00:35:38,364 --> 00:35:39,804
I couldn't do, and I should have the

1005
00:35:39,804 --> 00:35:42,204
control. He literally just labeled himself. He just,

1006
00:35:42,204 --> 00:35:45,480
like, didn't just hold the red flag. He,

1007
00:35:45,480 --> 00:35:46,860
like, did a little, like,

1008
00:35:47,320 --> 00:35:49,480
a guard trick on the marching band field

1009
00:35:49,480 --> 00:35:51,640
with the flag. Like, he's doing a show.

1010
00:35:51,640 --> 00:35:53,640
He's in a parade with the flag, and

1011
00:35:53,640 --> 00:35:55,954
it's a bouquet of flags. Like, the moment

1012
00:35:55,954 --> 00:35:57,554
you tell me I can't do it, well,

1013
00:35:57,554 --> 00:35:58,855
now that's all I wanna

1014
00:35:59,235 --> 00:36:01,474
do. You are a scary motherfucker, and nobody

1015
00:36:01,474 --> 00:36:03,474
should be within a fucking mile of you.

1016
00:36:03,474 --> 00:36:05,655
Right. Because you are clearly untrustworthy.

1017
00:36:06,035 --> 00:36:07,380
Even if it was said as a as

1018
00:36:07,380 --> 00:36:09,699
a joke, it's a bad joke. It's it's

1019
00:36:09,699 --> 00:36:11,859
not how you maintain trust. It's not a

1020
00:36:11,859 --> 00:36:13,639
responsible thing to say.

1021
00:36:13,940 --> 00:36:15,779
Clearly, she did not take it as a

1022
00:36:15,779 --> 00:36:16,679
joke. Right.

1023
00:36:20,644 --> 00:36:22,744
Oh my I like and the

1024
00:36:24,005 --> 00:36:26,405
I hate this. The red flags don't shock

1025
00:36:26,405 --> 00:36:27,545
me anymore because

1026
00:36:28,244 --> 00:36:30,505
God knows they're so fucking prevalent.

1027
00:36:31,525 --> 00:36:32,585
And even

1028
00:36:33,605 --> 00:36:35,570
her reaction and the questions she ended up

1029
00:36:35,570 --> 00:36:37,349
asking at the end don't shock

1030
00:36:37,650 --> 00:36:38,949
me, but they make me

1031
00:36:39,250 --> 00:36:40,150
so sad.

1032
00:36:41,090 --> 00:36:43,510
I I get it when it's somebody who,

1033
00:36:44,289 --> 00:36:46,530
you know, is when they're describing their issue,

1034
00:36:46,530 --> 00:36:48,949
it's a very surface level sort of understanding

1035
00:36:49,090 --> 00:36:51,614
of power exchange, or maybe they're super super

1036
00:36:51,614 --> 00:36:53,855
new, or they only know what this partner

1037
00:36:53,855 --> 00:36:55,855
has told them, and they haven't gotten far

1038
00:36:55,855 --> 00:36:56,755
enough to like,

1039
00:36:57,135 --> 00:36:58,894
you know Or maybe they're just really young

1040
00:36:58,894 --> 00:37:00,755
and don't have a lot of life experience

1041
00:37:00,894 --> 00:37:03,135
yet to like, you know, be able to

1042
00:37:03,135 --> 00:37:04,900
see some things because of other things I've

1043
00:37:04,900 --> 00:37:05,400
experienced.

1044
00:37:06,820 --> 00:37:10,199
This person was so clear and so thoughtful

1045
00:37:10,739 --> 00:37:11,400
and so,

1046
00:37:12,099 --> 00:37:15,619
like, knew her fucking self, knew what submission

1047
00:37:15,619 --> 00:37:17,300
was for her, knew what power like, she's

1048
00:37:17,300 --> 00:37:19,059
describing in my mind, like, textbook classic healthy

1049
00:37:19,059 --> 00:37:19,699
fucking power exchange. Get to the red flag

1050
00:37:19,699 --> 00:37:20,360
bullshit of

1051
00:37:20,795 --> 00:37:21,695
fucking power exchange.

1052
00:37:22,715 --> 00:37:25,695
Get to the red flag bullshit abusive part.

1053
00:37:26,474 --> 00:37:28,414
Say how angry she is,

1054
00:37:28,715 --> 00:37:30,094
but then because of

1055
00:37:30,715 --> 00:37:33,695
her her own life experiences, this motherfucker,

1056
00:37:34,075 --> 00:37:34,894
I don't know,

1057
00:37:35,639 --> 00:37:36,699
gaslights herself

1058
00:37:37,239 --> 00:37:38,859
and goes, am I misunderstanding?

1059
00:37:39,239 --> 00:37:40,460
No, baby. You know.

1060
00:37:40,760 --> 00:37:43,000
You know what you know, and I need

1061
00:37:43,000 --> 00:37:44,380
you to have the confidence

1062
00:37:44,760 --> 00:37:46,940
to tell this motherfucker to kiss your ass

1063
00:37:47,319 --> 00:37:49,784
and then take the principles that you know

1064
00:37:49,784 --> 00:37:52,105
within yourself or what power exchange ought to

1065
00:37:52,105 --> 00:37:54,105
be for you, and then go find somebody

1066
00:37:54,105 --> 00:37:56,264
who can meet those expectations and then fucking

1067
00:37:56,264 --> 00:37:57,885
exceed them. Because quite frankly,

1068
00:37:58,425 --> 00:38:01,224
meets expectations is perfectly fine. There's nothing wrong

1069
00:38:01,224 --> 00:38:03,780
with that. But the the best time I've

1070
00:38:03,780 --> 00:38:05,300
had in my life is when you get

1071
00:38:05,300 --> 00:38:08,260
somebody who'll exceed those expectations and actually be

1072
00:38:08,260 --> 00:38:10,680
better than you fucking expected them to be.

1073
00:38:12,019 --> 00:38:14,440
It could be because the bar for,

1074
00:38:15,204 --> 00:38:18,664
doms and, frankly, men quite in many cases

1075
00:38:18,885 --> 00:38:21,364
is in hell. But, you know, when you

1076
00:38:21,364 --> 00:38:22,664
leap over that bar,

1077
00:38:23,125 --> 00:38:25,144
some of us are very impressed with it.

1078
00:38:25,925 --> 00:38:28,405
Gold gold star, gold medal, pens across the

1079
00:38:28,405 --> 00:38:29,519
board. I don't know.

1080
00:38:30,000 --> 00:38:31,760
But that that's the part that pisses me

1081
00:38:31,760 --> 00:38:34,000
off. I can't even be I'm not happy

1082
00:38:34,000 --> 00:38:35,599
with the red flags that that motherfucker is.

1083
00:38:35,599 --> 00:38:37,679
I motherfucker get the fuck away. I hate

1084
00:38:37,679 --> 00:38:38,659
you. But

1085
00:38:39,119 --> 00:38:42,719
I'm more upset about how that somebody who

1086
00:38:42,719 --> 00:38:45,135
is that articulate about what power exchange means

1087
00:38:45,135 --> 00:38:46,994
to them and what submission is to them

1088
00:38:47,295 --> 00:38:50,114
could still get twisted up and question herself

1089
00:38:50,655 --> 00:38:52,994
and think that she has somehow misunderstood something.

1090
00:38:53,215 --> 00:38:53,715
Mhmm.

1091
00:38:59,820 --> 00:39:01,280
Excuse me. Oh.

1092
00:39:02,139 --> 00:39:03,760
Anything else you would like to add?

1093
00:39:05,179 --> 00:39:05,679
No.

1094
00:39:05,980 --> 00:39:08,880
My cheeks are flushed. My cheeks are flushed.

1095
00:39:11,054 --> 00:39:11,554
Okay.

1096
00:39:13,375 --> 00:39:13,875
Okay.

1097
00:39:14,734 --> 00:39:15,474
This one,

1098
00:39:15,855 --> 00:39:17,214
I'm not sure how I feel about the

1099
00:39:17,214 --> 00:39:18,755
question. Okay. Because

1100
00:39:19,375 --> 00:39:20,974
let me just get into it. It's a

1101
00:39:20,974 --> 00:39:22,034
shorter one, actually.

1102
00:39:22,574 --> 00:39:25,199
Why is every sub I meet the same?

1103
00:39:25,260 --> 00:39:27,900
Is this a universal experience? How do I

1104
00:39:27,900 --> 00:39:28,960
make it stop?

1105
00:39:29,820 --> 00:39:31,900
Okay. I, female 20, am a switch. I've

1106
00:39:31,900 --> 00:39:33,739
dated doms. I've dated subs. And I've dated

1107
00:39:33,739 --> 00:39:36,300
switches. I'm also bi. Trigger warning. Brief mention

1108
00:39:36,300 --> 00:39:38,300
of mental health? Every time I date a

1109
00:39:38,300 --> 00:39:40,835
sub or are in the talking stages I

1110
00:39:40,835 --> 00:39:42,914
get a dramatic message about how they have

1111
00:39:42,914 --> 00:39:44,674
mental health issues and need me to be

1112
00:39:44,674 --> 00:39:46,934
with them where they can't live etcetera.

1113
00:39:47,394 --> 00:39:49,414
I decided not to date subs again.

1114
00:39:49,795 --> 00:39:51,315
Recently I met a sub and gave him

1115
00:39:51,315 --> 00:39:53,094
a chance. He did the same,

1116
00:39:54,719 --> 00:39:57,280
thing as everyone else. Why is this the

1117
00:39:57,280 --> 00:39:59,679
case? Am I doing something that screams, Yes.

1118
00:39:59,679 --> 00:40:01,139
Put your mental health responsibilities

1119
00:40:01,440 --> 00:40:03,519
on my head? Don't worry about any of

1120
00:40:03,519 --> 00:40:04,980
my problems. Just yours?

1121
00:40:05,519 --> 00:40:07,440
I've never had this with someone who's not

1122
00:40:07,440 --> 00:40:09,344
sub. I've had it probably 5 to 6

1123
00:40:09,344 --> 00:40:11,045
times now with people that are submissive,

1124
00:40:11,505 --> 00:40:14,224
more specifically men. I'm a people pleaser and

1125
00:40:14,224 --> 00:40:16,304
don't wanna hurt his feelings more. I don't

1126
00:40:16,304 --> 00:40:18,385
know how to respond to him. Can anyone

1127
00:40:18,385 --> 00:40:19,445
give me some advice?

1128
00:40:21,344 --> 00:40:22,365
I'm not gonna negate this person's experience. I

1129
00:40:22,365 --> 00:40:22,487
will just go ahead and say, no. This

1130
00:40:22,487 --> 00:40:22,609
is not a universal experience because there's no

1131
00:40:22,609 --> 00:40:23,130
such thing as a

1132
00:40:27,929 --> 00:40:30,329
experience. Yeah. No. It's it's it's not. But

1133
00:40:30,329 --> 00:40:32,329
this person has clearly had it way too

1134
00:40:32,329 --> 00:40:32,829
often.

1135
00:40:33,210 --> 00:40:33,710
Mhmm.

1136
00:40:34,329 --> 00:40:36,190
And and, you know, I

1137
00:40:37,985 --> 00:40:40,405
for me, I I would tend to

1138
00:40:40,785 --> 00:40:42,005
look inward.

1139
00:40:42,305 --> 00:40:42,805
Mhmm.

1140
00:40:43,505 --> 00:40:44,485
And, you know,

1141
00:40:47,825 --> 00:40:48,644
why am I

1142
00:40:49,469 --> 00:40:51,150
attracting the same Why is the same person

1143
00:40:51,150 --> 00:40:52,349
showing up over and over again? Yeah. You

1144
00:40:52,349 --> 00:40:54,449
know, what what is going on here?

1145
00:40:55,869 --> 00:40:57,630
What do I need to change? Or what

1146
00:40:57,630 --> 00:40:59,949
are the similarities between those people? Not just

1147
00:40:59,949 --> 00:41:02,109
submissives. That is clearly a similarity. Not even

1148
00:41:02,109 --> 00:41:04,375
just men. Is there an age factor? Is

1149
00:41:04,375 --> 00:41:04,875
it

1150
00:41:05,255 --> 00:41:07,414
from a specific kind of community that you'd

1151
00:41:07,494 --> 00:41:09,494
you are a part of? Like, what's your

1152
00:41:09,575 --> 00:41:11,735
what what's the pond you're fishing from here?

1153
00:41:11,735 --> 00:41:14,055
Because there I think there may be more

1154
00:41:14,055 --> 00:41:16,055
similarities and then part of what helps is

1155
00:41:16,055 --> 00:41:17,494
you go, okay. Well, I don't know who

1156
00:41:17,494 --> 00:41:18,934
my type is, but I whom I know

1157
00:41:18,934 --> 00:41:20,909
who my type is not. And this is

1158
00:41:20,909 --> 00:41:22,670
the list of criteria that I will probably

1159
00:41:22,670 --> 00:41:24,909
avoid until given a reason not to. Yeah.

1160
00:41:24,909 --> 00:41:26,989
I agree with you though. Like, there comes

1161
00:41:26,989 --> 00:41:29,150
a point where if if you're meeting the

1162
00:41:29,150 --> 00:41:30,909
same type of person over and over again,

1163
00:41:30,909 --> 00:41:33,150
that means you are being drawn to the

1164
00:41:33,150 --> 00:41:34,989
same type of person over and over again.

1165
00:41:34,989 --> 00:41:36,945
What's happening there? Right.

1166
00:41:38,525 --> 00:41:39,264
I don't

1167
00:41:40,445 --> 00:41:41,905
I will never say

1168
00:41:42,925 --> 00:41:45,885
something is all or none. It is some.

1169
00:41:45,885 --> 00:41:48,320
Clearly in this, I I'm not gonna invalidate

1170
00:41:48,380 --> 00:41:50,619
their experience. They've gone through this. I think

1171
00:41:50,619 --> 00:41:51,840
there are some

1172
00:41:52,140 --> 00:41:52,640
people

1173
00:41:53,500 --> 00:41:54,260
who use

1174
00:41:54,700 --> 00:41:56,059
and we know this to be true because

1175
00:41:56,059 --> 00:41:57,579
we have to rail against it every so

1176
00:41:57,579 --> 00:41:59,900
often. They use BDSM as therapy. Not to

1177
00:41:59,900 --> 00:42:00,640
be therapeutic,

1178
00:42:01,099 --> 00:42:02,160
but as therapy.

1179
00:42:02,460 --> 00:42:05,894
They want somebody to maybe in submissive perspective,

1180
00:42:05,894 --> 00:42:07,414
they want somebody to control them because they

1181
00:42:07,414 --> 00:42:08,954
don't think they can control themselves.

1182
00:42:09,894 --> 00:42:11,275
And there can be

1183
00:42:11,574 --> 00:42:13,974
some temporary benefit to that. There can be

1184
00:42:14,855 --> 00:42:17,139
assuming that other parts of your life are,

1185
00:42:17,139 --> 00:42:18,820
like, you kind of can handle it and

1186
00:42:18,820 --> 00:42:21,699
there's just maybe there's just some facet of

1187
00:42:21,699 --> 00:42:23,559
life that you are struggling with and

1188
00:42:23,940 --> 00:42:26,900
you can enter into an ethical and safe

1189
00:42:26,900 --> 00:42:27,949
and healthy power exchange relationship and get that

1190
00:42:27,949 --> 00:42:29,074
support, but that is that's And,

1191
00:42:40,175 --> 00:42:41,714
you know, I I remember

1192
00:42:43,599 --> 00:42:45,199
it goes back quite a few years now,

1193
00:42:45,199 --> 00:42:45,699
but,

1194
00:42:46,079 --> 00:42:48,239
you know, there there were there was a

1195
00:42:48,239 --> 00:42:49,539
time there were

1196
00:42:50,079 --> 00:42:51,059
a few doms

1197
00:42:51,360 --> 00:42:52,579
that I knew that,

1198
00:42:53,360 --> 00:42:54,820
you know, would openly say,

1199
00:42:55,760 --> 00:42:57,934
and and these, let me let me clarify

1200
00:42:57,934 --> 00:42:59,215
this a little bit before I go too

1201
00:42:59,215 --> 00:43:02,594
much further. These were folks who were tops.

1202
00:43:02,735 --> 00:43:03,795
Mhmm. Okay?

1203
00:43:04,574 --> 00:43:05,074
And

1204
00:43:05,855 --> 00:43:07,934
and a number they had been approached a

1205
00:43:07,934 --> 00:43:08,914
number of times,

1206
00:43:10,059 --> 00:43:12,300
for subs to ask for help with their

1207
00:43:12,300 --> 00:43:13,199
mental health,

1208
00:43:13,579 --> 00:43:15,679
and they refused to do it. Mhmm.

1209
00:43:16,460 --> 00:43:19,099
And their reasoning behind it was the fact

1210
00:43:19,099 --> 00:43:19,599
that,

1211
00:43:20,380 --> 00:43:22,619
you know, you cannot put that responsibility on

1212
00:43:22,619 --> 00:43:26,625
somebody else. Mhmm. Okay? God forbid anything happens

1213
00:43:27,105 --> 00:43:29,525
Right. You know, that that's on our shoulders.

1214
00:43:29,824 --> 00:43:32,224
If you are taking the steps and doing

1215
00:43:32,224 --> 00:43:32,804
the work,

1216
00:43:33,105 --> 00:43:36,144
I will support you. Right. Right. Right. Okay?

1217
00:43:36,144 --> 00:43:38,050
After we've developed some level of relationship and

1218
00:43:38,050 --> 00:43:39,809
some level of rapport and some level of

1219
00:43:39,809 --> 00:43:41,329
trust with one another. I mean, that's the

1220
00:43:41,329 --> 00:43:42,150
other thing. Like,

1221
00:43:42,449 --> 00:43:43,670
to support somebody

1222
00:43:44,289 --> 00:43:47,170
in their mental health needs, if you choose

1223
00:43:47,170 --> 00:43:48,210
to do that, if you are in the

1224
00:43:48,210 --> 00:43:49,885
right place and want to do that.

1225
00:43:50,264 --> 00:43:52,905
That's not like the person you just met

1226
00:43:52,905 --> 00:43:55,304
in the DMs yesterday. Like, that's not how

1227
00:43:55,304 --> 00:43:56,364
that works. That's

1228
00:43:57,224 --> 00:43:59,324
please. That should not be how that works.

1229
00:43:59,385 --> 00:44:00,045
Right? Like,

1230
00:44:00,425 --> 00:44:03,304
that support comes from places of mutual trust

1231
00:44:03,304 --> 00:44:04,284
and and

1232
00:44:04,610 --> 00:44:06,050
some level of affection. It doesn't have to

1233
00:44:06,050 --> 00:44:07,590
be love. It doesn't have to be sexual.

1234
00:44:08,210 --> 00:44:10,550
Just you care about each other,

1235
00:44:11,010 --> 00:44:12,710
and typically it's because

1236
00:44:13,329 --> 00:44:15,090
you have a sense that you will support

1237
00:44:15,090 --> 00:44:16,449
them in this, and there may come a

1238
00:44:16,449 --> 00:44:18,449
time that they will support you in that,

1239
00:44:18,449 --> 00:44:19,989
whatever that happens to be.

1240
00:44:20,855 --> 00:44:23,255
I would say that for this particular person

1241
00:44:23,255 --> 00:44:25,655
or anybody who's kind of coming across the

1242
00:44:25,655 --> 00:44:25,815
same

1243
00:44:27,014 --> 00:44:28,775
I would call this a red flag. Anybody

1244
00:44:28,775 --> 00:44:31,175
who's starting the power exchange process by going,

1245
00:44:31,175 --> 00:44:32,534
I need you to take care of me

1246
00:44:32,534 --> 00:44:34,375
and fix me. Like, that's a red flag.

1247
00:44:34,375 --> 00:44:34,875
That's

1248
00:44:35,269 --> 00:44:36,949
that you know, we don't talk about the

1249
00:44:36,949 --> 00:44:38,570
things that subs do that

1250
00:44:39,190 --> 00:44:40,789
throw up red flags very often. We do

1251
00:44:40,789 --> 00:44:42,489
have it way back in the archive,

1252
00:44:43,269 --> 00:44:44,889
but this is one of them. Like,

1253
00:44:45,670 --> 00:44:47,030
we don't we don't just go up to

1254
00:44:47,030 --> 00:44:48,630
a person we just met and go fix

1255
00:44:48,630 --> 00:44:50,855
me. Make me better. Do this for me.

1256
00:44:50,855 --> 00:44:53,755
Right? Like, no. No. No. Yeah. And and

1257
00:44:53,894 --> 00:44:56,215
that then is not even DS. No. God,

1258
00:44:56,215 --> 00:44:57,974
no. It's not. I mean, we've gone from

1259
00:44:57,974 --> 00:45:00,635
turning that person into a kink dispenser, you

1260
00:45:00,855 --> 00:45:02,730
know, that's what instead of that being what

1261
00:45:02,809 --> 00:45:05,130
the dominochop is, they're just a therapist, and

1262
00:45:05,130 --> 00:45:07,210
that's not their job. That's not how any

1263
00:45:07,210 --> 00:45:09,690
of this fucking works. Now for this particular

1264
00:45:09,690 --> 00:45:10,190
person,

1265
00:45:10,889 --> 00:45:12,969
you know, we're we're talking about, okay, what

1266
00:45:12,969 --> 00:45:14,969
are the other similarities between the folks that

1267
00:45:14,969 --> 00:45:16,570
you're attracting? What are, you know where are

1268
00:45:16,570 --> 00:45:18,344
you how all those things. Yeah. Yeah. But

1269
00:45:18,344 --> 00:45:19,885
the other thing is the conversations

1270
00:45:20,425 --> 00:45:23,625
to weed folks out. Like, you can't stop

1271
00:45:23,625 --> 00:45:26,284
somebody from approaching you with that energy. Like,

1272
00:45:26,664 --> 00:45:27,945
you know, you could even put it in

1273
00:45:27,945 --> 00:45:29,465
your bio. We know people don't read bios,

1274
00:45:29,465 --> 00:45:29,965
right?

1275
00:45:30,344 --> 00:45:32,389
But the kind of conversations

1276
00:45:33,730 --> 00:45:36,609
that might be necessary just to weed folks

1277
00:45:36,609 --> 00:45:38,449
out and get a sense of is this

1278
00:45:38,449 --> 00:45:39,889
the message I'm gonna get in the middle

1279
00:45:39,889 --> 00:45:40,869
of the night tomorrow,

1280
00:45:41,329 --> 00:45:43,755
is to see what their understanding of power

1281
00:45:43,755 --> 00:45:45,835
exchange is. Most of the time these folks

1282
00:45:45,835 --> 00:45:47,054
have a very superficial

1283
00:45:47,434 --> 00:45:49,355
understanding of power exchange. They literally think their

1284
00:45:49,355 --> 00:45:51,114
dom is supposed to just take care of

1285
00:45:51,114 --> 00:45:52,554
them. They can turn off their brain. They

1286
00:45:52,554 --> 00:45:53,534
never have to actually

1287
00:45:53,994 --> 00:45:56,394
do anything again other than what their dom

1288
00:45:56,394 --> 00:45:58,519
wants them to do. And, yes, you can

1289
00:45:58,519 --> 00:45:59,019
negotiate

1290
00:45:59,400 --> 00:46:00,780
something like that, but

1291
00:46:01,559 --> 00:46:04,860
that's that's not just what power exchange is,

1292
00:46:04,920 --> 00:46:05,659
quote unquote.

1293
00:46:07,079 --> 00:46:08,760
So if you're having to kind of weed

1294
00:46:08,760 --> 00:46:10,280
through of who do I even give my

1295
00:46:10,280 --> 00:46:11,025
attention to,

1296
00:46:11,505 --> 00:46:12,944
you know, once you get past the, hey.

1297
00:46:12,944 --> 00:46:15,025
How are you? Yeah. So whatever whatever. I

1298
00:46:15,025 --> 00:46:16,304
don't know how to do small talk and

1299
00:46:16,304 --> 00:46:17,204
opening conversations.

1300
00:46:19,184 --> 00:46:21,264
Start, you know, figuring out what they think

1301
00:46:21,264 --> 00:46:22,864
they know about power exchange. And if it

1302
00:46:22,864 --> 00:46:23,924
stays really superficial

1303
00:46:24,619 --> 00:46:26,619
and the vibe, you know, you don't they

1304
00:46:26,619 --> 00:46:29,019
all and they potentially fit other markers of,

1305
00:46:29,019 --> 00:46:31,440
wait, I I've seen this show before.

1306
00:46:32,219 --> 00:46:33,599
I know how this ends.

1307
00:46:33,900 --> 00:46:36,059
Then you know, like, okay. Let's keep moving

1308
00:46:36,059 --> 00:46:39,019
on. This isn't this isn't worth, you know,

1309
00:46:39,019 --> 00:46:39,519
exploring.

1310
00:46:40,284 --> 00:46:42,525
Baby Got A Bubble? Yeah. Yeah. But yeah.

1311
00:46:42,525 --> 00:46:43,744
You know, I the

1312
00:46:44,605 --> 00:46:45,105
everyone

1313
00:46:45,485 --> 00:46:45,985
always

1314
00:46:46,445 --> 00:46:47,804
first of all, is it, or does it

1315
00:46:47,804 --> 00:46:49,744
just feel that way? If it is

1316
00:46:50,284 --> 00:46:52,045
Mhmm. Yeah, what pond are you fishing in?

1317
00:46:52,045 --> 00:46:54,465
Because Yeah. There's some there's some similarities

1318
00:46:55,485 --> 00:46:55,985
drawing.

1319
00:46:56,660 --> 00:46:58,579
Yeah. And You know, the same kind of

1320
00:46:58,579 --> 00:47:00,260
folks. I I kind of think of it

1321
00:47:00,260 --> 00:47:03,400
as, you know, the the, definition of insanity.

1322
00:47:03,860 --> 00:47:05,380
Mhmm. Doing the same thing over and over

1323
00:47:05,380 --> 00:47:08,019
again expecting different results. Yeah. You know? And

1324
00:47:08,019 --> 00:47:09,284
and that's why I say, I think this

1325
00:47:09,284 --> 00:47:10,644
is one of those times where they need

1326
00:47:10,644 --> 00:47:13,125
to maybe sit back and kinda introspect and

1327
00:47:13,125 --> 00:47:14,804
change what they're doing a little bit, and

1328
00:47:14,804 --> 00:47:16,964
that might be Mhmm. And in this case,

1329
00:47:16,964 --> 00:47:18,085
at the very end, they say I'm a

1330
00:47:18,085 --> 00:47:20,005
people pleaser. Don't wanna hurt his feelings more.

1331
00:47:20,005 --> 00:47:21,704
I don't know how to respond to them.

1332
00:47:22,949 --> 00:47:24,789
I think that the response can be as

1333
00:47:24,789 --> 00:47:25,690
simple as,

1334
00:47:26,630 --> 00:47:28,550
that's not what I'm looking for. I hope

1335
00:47:28,550 --> 00:47:30,329
you find what you are looking for.

1336
00:47:30,710 --> 00:47:33,050
There are times, depending on how far you've

1337
00:47:34,389 --> 00:47:35,589
gone in the conversation

1338
00:47:35,989 --> 00:47:37,744
I'm not a fan of ghosting. Just, you

1339
00:47:37,744 --> 00:47:40,144
know, have the hard conversations. But there are

1340
00:47:40,144 --> 00:47:40,965
times when

1341
00:47:41,425 --> 00:47:44,065
you have not established a relationship with somebody

1342
00:47:44,065 --> 00:47:44,565
yet.

1343
00:47:44,945 --> 00:47:47,125
They're just in your DMs probably.

1344
00:47:47,824 --> 00:47:49,204
You don't owe them anything.

1345
00:47:50,230 --> 00:47:52,230
You do not owe them anything. You know,

1346
00:47:52,230 --> 00:47:54,250
once you've gotten to a negotiation

1347
00:47:54,550 --> 00:47:56,489
standpoint, maybe you've met in person,

1348
00:47:56,949 --> 00:47:59,030
something a little deeper But but right off

1349
00:47:59,030 --> 00:48:00,650
the bat, that was a full sentence.

1350
00:48:01,190 --> 00:48:03,110
And quite frankly, it's okay to go, yeah.

1351
00:48:03,110 --> 00:48:04,650
No. I'm not doing that. Mhmm.

1352
00:48:05,295 --> 00:48:06,894
I hope you, you know, find what you're

1353
00:48:06,894 --> 00:48:09,135
looking for and then be done. And then

1354
00:48:09,135 --> 00:48:10,734
and then if you need to, and maybe

1355
00:48:10,734 --> 00:48:12,594
preemptively, it's okay if you do it preemptively,

1356
00:48:12,655 --> 00:48:14,974
block them. You don't have to have them

1357
00:48:14,974 --> 00:48:16,655
in your inbox. You don't have to have

1358
00:48:16,655 --> 00:48:17,934
them on your phone. You don't have to

1359
00:48:17,934 --> 00:48:19,795
have them in your life if

1360
00:48:20,119 --> 00:48:22,699
you're not going to move forward with anything.

1361
00:48:23,239 --> 00:48:25,880
So yeah. I think coming up with you

1362
00:48:25,880 --> 00:48:27,320
know, I get it as I'm a people

1363
00:48:27,320 --> 00:48:29,719
pleaser. I get it. Coming up with kind

1364
00:48:29,719 --> 00:48:31,640
of a script to have, which can be

1365
00:48:31,640 --> 00:48:33,980
simple as, no. I'm not doing that.

1366
00:48:34,715 --> 00:48:37,034
And then, you know, that's not being rude.

1367
00:48:37,034 --> 00:48:39,434
That's not being mean. That's being direct, and

1368
00:48:39,434 --> 00:48:39,934
that

1369
00:48:40,315 --> 00:48:42,335
is a great form of communication

1370
00:48:43,275 --> 00:48:44,574
in life and in BDSM.

1371
00:48:45,434 --> 00:48:47,434
So just have it ready at the go

1372
00:48:47,434 --> 00:48:49,195
if you need it for anything for anything

1373
00:48:49,195 --> 00:48:51,000
that you're like, this is this isn't what

1374
00:48:51,000 --> 00:48:52,239
I want. I'm not this

1375
00:48:52,880 --> 00:48:54,880
but also I think I think they're already

1376
00:48:54,880 --> 00:48:57,279
figuring out in that we've we've kind of

1377
00:48:57,279 --> 00:48:58,799
touched on this in the past, usually when

1378
00:48:58,799 --> 00:49:00,159
I'm ranting, so I probably don't make a

1379
00:49:00,159 --> 00:49:00,980
lot of sense.

1380
00:49:01,519 --> 00:49:02,019
But

1381
00:49:02,735 --> 00:49:04,894
there we have to have every one of

1382
00:49:04,894 --> 00:49:06,974
us who is trying to meet people in

1383
00:49:06,974 --> 00:49:08,974
any sort of way, you have to have

1384
00:49:08,974 --> 00:49:11,315
your own mental or physical list

1385
00:49:11,934 --> 00:49:14,175
of who you want versus who you don't

1386
00:49:14,175 --> 00:49:15,715
want. And I don't mean

1387
00:49:16,829 --> 00:49:18,510
down to how tall they are, the color

1388
00:49:18,510 --> 00:49:19,710
of their eyes, color of their skin. Like,

1389
00:49:19,710 --> 00:49:20,849
that's not what I'm talking about.

1390
00:49:21,230 --> 00:49:23,710
There are too many people in the world

1391
00:49:23,710 --> 00:49:25,710
who have access to all of us through

1392
00:49:25,710 --> 00:49:28,130
social media and different platforms at all times,

1393
00:49:28,510 --> 00:49:30,590
especially if you're looking for a partner. Yeah.

1394
00:49:30,590 --> 00:49:32,530
It's like drinking from a fucking

1395
00:49:32,885 --> 00:49:34,105
fire hose. Right?

1396
00:49:34,405 --> 00:49:36,885
So you have to create some kind of

1397
00:49:36,885 --> 00:49:39,224
template, some kind of criteria, some kind of,

1398
00:49:39,925 --> 00:49:41,284
there's a term I want and I can't

1399
00:49:41,284 --> 00:49:43,224
think of it, but it's like a shorthand.

1400
00:49:43,364 --> 00:49:45,760
Right? Where you can look at somebody's profile

1401
00:49:45,760 --> 00:49:47,039
and go, yeah. That's not for me. That's

1402
00:49:47,039 --> 00:49:48,639
not for me. That doesn't mean there's anything

1403
00:49:48,639 --> 00:49:50,719
wrong with them. That doesn't mean they're, you

1404
00:49:50,719 --> 00:49:52,639
know The best numbers for you. They're not

1405
00:49:52,639 --> 00:49:54,880
for you, and then you you make those

1406
00:49:54,880 --> 00:49:57,599
split second decisions based on a few details

1407
00:49:57,599 --> 00:50:00,164
you see. Does that mean that you potentially,

1408
00:50:01,105 --> 00:50:03,344
you know, moved on from somebody who could

1409
00:50:03,344 --> 00:50:05,844
have been an amazing yeah. I mean, yeah.

1410
00:50:05,905 --> 00:50:08,144
But that's always fucking true. You could be

1411
00:50:08,144 --> 00:50:10,224
walking past somebody in the grocery store that

1412
00:50:10,224 --> 00:50:12,780
in another life could have been your best

1413
00:50:12,780 --> 00:50:14,460
friend, but you were in the grocery store

1414
00:50:14,460 --> 00:50:15,820
and we don't talk to strangers. Like, I

1415
00:50:15,820 --> 00:50:18,220
mean, that's just the nature of it. There

1416
00:50:18,220 --> 00:50:18,960
are 8,000,000,000

1417
00:50:19,340 --> 00:50:21,200
fucking people on the planet.

1418
00:50:21,820 --> 00:50:23,599
There's always more than one

1419
00:50:23,900 --> 00:50:26,864
who we will vibe with, but there's too

1420
00:50:26,864 --> 00:50:29,364
many of them coming at us online.

1421
00:50:29,905 --> 00:50:31,585
So you have to create that system in

1422
00:50:31,585 --> 00:50:33,265
your own head for who's gonna get your

1423
00:50:33,265 --> 00:50:34,485
attention, who's not.

1424
00:50:34,864 --> 00:50:36,405
If you are finding

1425
00:50:36,704 --> 00:50:38,565
that there is some consistency

1426
00:50:39,320 --> 00:50:41,159
in the people you are giving your attention

1427
00:50:41,159 --> 00:50:44,039
to, meaning something negative, that's red flags you

1428
00:50:44,039 --> 00:50:46,119
keep coming up against, it's this kind of

1429
00:50:46,119 --> 00:50:48,860
response from submissives, it's something consistent,

1430
00:50:49,320 --> 00:50:51,159
then it's time to go deeper and go,

1431
00:50:51,159 --> 00:50:51,659
okay.

1432
00:50:52,280 --> 00:50:54,199
Is the shorthand I'm using for how to,

1433
00:50:54,199 --> 00:50:54,699
like,

1434
00:50:55,025 --> 00:50:57,105
filter through people, is that it's the filter.

1435
00:50:57,105 --> 00:50:58,644
That's the filter you have. Right?

1436
00:50:58,945 --> 00:51:00,945
Is is there something broken in my filter?

1437
00:51:00,945 --> 00:51:02,405
Am I filtering through

1438
00:51:02,864 --> 00:51:05,184
the wrong people for me? How do I

1439
00:51:05,664 --> 00:51:07,344
but the you know, there's a lot of

1440
00:51:07,344 --> 00:51:10,325
debate online about having preferences and, you know,

1441
00:51:11,079 --> 00:51:13,819
the the line between a preference being fetishizing

1442
00:51:14,839 --> 00:51:17,880
and or prejudiced. Right? And that is not

1443
00:51:17,880 --> 00:51:19,239
the we this is not the time for

1444
00:51:19,239 --> 00:51:21,420
that conversation. That's way too fucking nuanced.

1445
00:51:21,880 --> 00:51:22,380
But

1446
00:51:23,275 --> 00:51:26,974
there's a wide ass spectrum between fetishizing somebody

1447
00:51:27,434 --> 00:51:30,074
and being bigoted against them in terms of

1448
00:51:30,074 --> 00:51:33,114
your preference for them. The vast majority of

1449
00:51:33,114 --> 00:51:34,954
us fall somewhere in the middle where we're

1450
00:51:34,954 --> 00:51:36,795
just fine to find trying to find people

1451
00:51:36,795 --> 00:51:38,909
we vibe with. That's all we're trying to

1452
00:51:38,909 --> 00:51:40,510
do. And you have to have some level

1453
00:51:40,510 --> 00:51:41,889
of preference because

1454
00:51:42,429 --> 00:51:44,289
everybody isn't for everybody.

1455
00:51:44,909 --> 00:51:47,150
It's just not how life works. And there's

1456
00:51:47,150 --> 00:51:48,909
too many damn people coming at us all

1457
00:51:48,909 --> 00:51:51,150
the damn time, especially if you're on apps

1458
00:51:51,150 --> 00:51:52,964
where the whole purpose is. And I don't

1459
00:51:52,964 --> 00:51:54,484
know which direction are you supposed to swipe,

1460
00:51:54,484 --> 00:51:56,484
left or right? I don't know. Never fucking

1461
00:51:56,484 --> 00:51:58,724
done it before. Don't wanna do it. Those

1462
00:51:58,724 --> 00:51:59,864
of you who do it,

1463
00:52:00,644 --> 00:52:02,964
you are, you know, God's favorite soldiers because

1464
00:52:02,964 --> 00:52:04,644
I swear to God I couldn't fucking do

1465
00:52:04,644 --> 00:52:04,860
it.

1466
00:52:05,820 --> 00:52:07,900
I'm sorry. Anytime somebody's like, how do you

1467
00:52:07,900 --> 00:52:09,019
meet somebody? I'm like, well, you're gonna have

1468
00:52:09,019 --> 00:52:10,300
to start a sex blog and you're gonna

1469
00:52:10,300 --> 00:52:11,760
have to put your tits on the Internet.

1470
00:52:15,660 --> 00:52:16,860
It's the only way I know how to

1471
00:52:16,860 --> 00:52:17,760
do it. Okay.

1472
00:52:18,734 --> 00:52:19,234
Alternatively,

1473
00:52:19,775 --> 00:52:21,454
you can have a podcast, but then that

1474
00:52:21,454 --> 00:52:23,554
gets weird because then there's this audience

1475
00:52:24,335 --> 00:52:26,355
content creator. This is weird.

1476
00:52:27,214 --> 00:52:30,275
But, yeah, I just no. It's it's okay

1477
00:52:30,335 --> 00:52:31,234
to have preferences

1478
00:52:31,900 --> 00:52:33,900
and to filter through people based on those

1479
00:52:33,900 --> 00:52:34,400
preferences.

1480
00:52:36,380 --> 00:52:36,880
Okay.

1481
00:52:37,980 --> 00:52:39,119
Last one.

1482
00:52:42,059 --> 00:52:44,159
This one is also, I think, one for

1483
00:52:44,355 --> 00:52:47,074
you as well as as our resident dom.

1484
00:52:47,074 --> 00:52:48,534
Okay. It's another long one.

1485
00:52:48,835 --> 00:52:50,914
I just started doming, and I feel like

1486
00:52:50,914 --> 00:52:51,894
I'm a monster.

1487
00:52:52,914 --> 00:52:55,815
My boyfriend confessed he was into subdom relationships,

1488
00:52:55,954 --> 00:52:57,795
and he basically gave me a few hard

1489
00:52:57,795 --> 00:53:00,489
lines. He said he want wanted to sort

1490
00:53:00,489 --> 00:53:02,410
of explore everything and decide what he likes

1491
00:53:02,410 --> 00:53:04,329
with me as a partner. We have the

1492
00:53:04,329 --> 00:53:06,090
color code and we have various safe words

1493
00:53:06,090 --> 00:53:07,070
for different things.

1494
00:53:07,769 --> 00:53:09,930
We change a play style, give a break,

1495
00:53:09,930 --> 00:53:11,690
you know, whatever it might be. We have

1496
00:53:11,690 --> 00:53:13,070
discussed consent significantly.

1497
00:53:14,054 --> 00:53:14,795
And I

1498
00:53:15,255 --> 00:53:17,335
have had several conversations with him outside of

1499
00:53:17,335 --> 00:53:19,494
play, trying to understand what it is like

1500
00:53:19,494 --> 00:53:21,835
for him, making sure he's okay, everything.

1501
00:53:22,775 --> 00:53:24,855
I grew up in an abusive household and

1502
00:53:24,855 --> 00:53:28,074
I very specifically chose to not repeat generational

1503
00:53:28,454 --> 00:53:30,969
trauma. I got my degree in psychology. I

1504
00:53:30,969 --> 00:53:33,769
teach healthy communication classes. I volunteer at the

1505
00:53:33,769 --> 00:53:35,849
women's center and help people write up statements

1506
00:53:35,849 --> 00:53:38,409
for courts. It involves a lot of comforting

1507
00:53:38,409 --> 00:53:40,409
and empathy. I work as a mentor with

1508
00:53:40,409 --> 00:53:40,909
kids.

1509
00:53:41,210 --> 00:53:43,049
Everyone knows me and I know myself as

1510
00:53:43,049 --> 00:53:44,924
someone who is super kind and willing to

1511
00:53:45,065 --> 00:53:46,984
give. I go out of my way to

1512
00:53:46,984 --> 00:53:48,664
be the good in the world I want

1513
00:53:48,664 --> 00:53:49,244
to see.

1514
00:53:49,784 --> 00:53:51,005
With that being said,

1515
00:53:51,464 --> 00:53:53,944
it is terrifying how good I am at

1516
00:53:53,944 --> 00:53:56,284
doming. Her first DS session.

1517
00:53:57,625 --> 00:53:59,980
I got him into Subspace. Our second try,

1518
00:53:59,980 --> 00:54:01,500
I had him there for 30 minutes. He

1519
00:54:01,500 --> 00:54:03,500
told me it usually takes a month for

1520
00:54:03,500 --> 00:54:05,340
normal doms to get him where I got

1521
00:54:05,340 --> 00:54:06,320
him in a day.

1522
00:54:06,619 --> 00:54:08,860
I say the filthiest things. I have slapped

1523
00:54:08,860 --> 00:54:11,119
him, spit on him, choked him, taken degrading

1524
00:54:11,180 --> 00:54:13,215
photos of him. I have stared him dead

1525
00:54:13,215 --> 00:54:14,655
in the eyes and have told him how

1526
00:54:14,655 --> 00:54:17,215
worthless he is. In my defense, he absolutely

1527
00:54:17,215 --> 00:54:18,974
loves it and melts. I can see the

1528
00:54:18,974 --> 00:54:21,055
excitement behind his eyes as he has no

1529
00:54:21,055 --> 00:54:22,275
idea what I'll do next.

1530
00:54:22,655 --> 00:54:24,655
I've never seen this side of myself before.

1531
00:54:24,655 --> 00:54:26,175
I didn't know it was there. I feel

1532
00:54:26,175 --> 00:54:28,280
like I shouldn't continue my volunteer work now

1533
00:54:28,280 --> 00:54:30,119
that I know I have so much darkness

1534
00:54:30,119 --> 00:54:32,619
inside of me. I'm genuinely scared.

1535
00:54:33,079 --> 00:54:35,000
In a weird way, I see myself when

1536
00:54:35,000 --> 00:54:36,280
I look at him as a sub. It

1537
00:54:36,280 --> 00:54:39,179
is so fucking beautiful to see him completely

1538
00:54:39,320 --> 00:54:41,875
vulnerable and desperate. I take him through these

1539
00:54:41,875 --> 00:54:43,795
crazy scenes and then I gently ask him

1540
00:54:43,795 --> 00:54:45,335
if he's ready to come out of subspace.

1541
00:54:45,635 --> 00:54:47,155
After that, I kiss every inch of his

1542
00:54:47,155 --> 00:54:48,515
face. I tell him I adore him. I

1543
00:54:48,515 --> 00:54:50,195
end up being the big spoon and hold

1544
00:54:50,195 --> 00:54:52,195
him against my chest. He keeps asking for

1545
00:54:52,195 --> 00:54:54,195
more. He tells me how insanely good it

1546
00:54:54,195 --> 00:54:56,039
is and how desperate he is for more.

1547
00:54:56,119 --> 00:54:57,800
I just don't know what to do. I

1548
00:54:57,800 --> 00:54:59,719
am off the rails. I made him wear

1549
00:54:59,719 --> 00:55:01,559
my panties to work and send me pictures.

1550
00:55:01,559 --> 00:55:03,559
I've hit him, choked him, made him clean

1551
00:55:03,559 --> 00:55:05,400
my feet with his tongue. I have said

1552
00:55:05,400 --> 00:55:06,940
so many insults. It's insane.

1553
00:55:07,239 --> 00:55:08,920
I was given consent, but I have made

1554
00:55:08,920 --> 00:55:10,760
it such a part of my personality to

1555
00:55:10,760 --> 00:55:12,954
never let that out. I thought it wasn't

1556
00:55:12,954 --> 00:55:15,534
there. Now I know I just repress everything

1557
00:55:15,675 --> 00:55:16,175
cruel.

1558
00:55:16,635 --> 00:55:18,554
Do any other doms feel this way? How

1559
00:55:18,554 --> 00:55:20,394
do you balance yourself? Is there a better

1560
00:55:20,394 --> 00:55:22,635
way to think about this? Yes. Giving somebody

1561
00:55:22,635 --> 00:55:24,554
some something they want and are actively asking

1562
00:55:24,554 --> 00:55:26,234
for and are enjoying every second of it

1563
00:55:26,234 --> 00:55:27,779
is the, antithesis

1564
00:55:28,079 --> 00:55:30,339
of cruelty, quite frankly. Yeah.

1565
00:55:32,079 --> 00:55:33,599
First off, let me welcome you to the

1566
00:55:33,599 --> 00:55:36,559
dark side. Also, can we, like, negotiate a

1567
00:55:36,559 --> 00:55:39,279
scene? Because some of that sounded really fucking

1568
00:55:39,279 --> 00:55:40,739
hot. I'm so sorry.

1569
00:55:41,119 --> 00:55:42,375
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

1570
00:55:43,075 --> 00:55:44,775
You know, we have great cookies.

1571
00:55:45,474 --> 00:55:47,555
Yep. Yep. The dark side does do cookies

1572
00:55:47,555 --> 00:55:49,715
the best. And and, you know, no. You

1573
00:55:49,715 --> 00:55:50,535
are not a monster.

1574
00:55:53,715 --> 00:55:54,775
We all have darkness.

1575
00:55:55,569 --> 00:55:56,769
Everybody. Yeah. You can't have the light without

1576
00:55:56,769 --> 00:55:58,769
the darkness. You you know, we we we

1577
00:55:58,769 --> 00:55:59,909
all have dark sides,

1578
00:56:00,289 --> 00:56:02,369
and and I think this in a way

1579
00:56:02,369 --> 00:56:04,369
is, you know, how we light it out

1580
00:56:04,369 --> 00:56:07,409
to play. And also, their darkness is not

1581
00:56:07,409 --> 00:56:08,549
inherently badness.

1582
00:56:09,010 --> 00:56:11,335
It's just a side that the whole world

1583
00:56:11,954 --> 00:56:14,114
can't see, is not allowed to see, shouldn't

1584
00:56:14,114 --> 00:56:15,094
see. Mhmm.

1585
00:56:15,474 --> 00:56:15,954
And,

1586
00:56:16,355 --> 00:56:18,295
I I have to say I,

1587
00:56:20,275 --> 00:56:22,914
feel a a bit of camaraderie with this.

1588
00:56:22,914 --> 00:56:24,275
I thought of you when I was reading

1589
00:56:24,275 --> 00:56:26,599
this. You know with with this person,

1590
00:56:27,000 --> 00:56:28,539
from the background that they

1591
00:56:29,640 --> 00:56:30,860
that they came from.

1592
00:56:31,239 --> 00:56:32,440
So yeah. I I can,

1593
00:56:33,640 --> 00:56:34,460
very strongly

1594
00:56:35,239 --> 00:56:36,300
relate to that,

1595
00:56:36,599 --> 00:56:38,200
but no. None of that does not make

1596
00:56:38,200 --> 00:56:39,315
a monster, because

1597
00:56:39,795 --> 00:56:41,714
the fact that you are questioning whether it

1598
00:56:41,714 --> 00:56:42,694
makes you a monster,

1599
00:56:43,315 --> 00:56:44,614
tells me that you have

1600
00:56:46,114 --> 00:56:47,014
moral safeguards.

1601
00:56:47,394 --> 00:56:50,275
Yes. Yes. Okay. Mhmm. The fact that you

1602
00:56:50,275 --> 00:56:52,434
know that in any other circumstance this would

1603
00:56:52,434 --> 00:56:53,429
be bad Right.

1604
00:56:54,309 --> 00:56:56,869
Is necessary to this. Right? You do this

1605
00:56:56,869 --> 00:56:59,109
only with consent. You do this only because

1606
00:56:59,109 --> 00:57:01,030
your partner really enjoys it. And you were

1607
00:57:01,030 --> 00:57:02,489
clearly enjoying it until

1608
00:57:03,030 --> 00:57:05,429
your wonky moral compass kind of like it

1609
00:57:05,429 --> 00:57:07,429
it sounds like both the shit you went

1610
00:57:07,429 --> 00:57:10,385
through and the shit you've seen that were

1611
00:57:10,445 --> 00:57:11,425
actual abuse.

1612
00:57:13,324 --> 00:57:14,625
It's hard to separate

1613
00:57:15,164 --> 00:57:16,224
it just by the

1614
00:57:17,244 --> 00:57:19,985
action of consent but that is what fucking

1615
00:57:20,284 --> 00:57:22,684
separates it. It's the pleasure and consent that

1616
00:57:22,684 --> 00:57:24,859
somebody gets. The fact that you will stop.

1617
00:57:25,079 --> 00:57:27,960
You understand abuse. You know abusers don't fucking

1618
00:57:27,960 --> 00:57:29,739
stop just because you said something.

1619
00:57:30,279 --> 00:57:33,559
You will and do and probably have would

1620
00:57:33,559 --> 00:57:35,744
never go beyond those bounds. Right?

1621
00:57:36,545 --> 00:57:38,625
You are already proving that you are the

1622
00:57:38,625 --> 00:57:40,865
opposite of any abuser. You are giving your

1623
00:57:40,865 --> 00:57:42,785
partner exactly what they want, what they've asked

1624
00:57:42,785 --> 00:57:44,865
for, what they enjoy. You stop when you

1625
00:57:44,865 --> 00:57:46,545
know you need to stop. You're checking in

1626
00:57:46,545 --> 00:57:48,059
with them. You're taking care of them afterwards.

1627
00:57:48,140 --> 00:57:49,980
Oh my god. Yeah. They they have safe

1628
00:57:49,980 --> 00:57:52,059
words. They use the the color codes system.

1629
00:57:52,140 --> 00:57:54,160
Care. Like, that's beautiful aftercare.

1630
00:57:54,940 --> 00:57:56,860
I'll take some of that myself. I will

1631
00:57:56,860 --> 00:57:59,180
big spoon you any day, daddy. I know

1632
00:57:59,180 --> 00:57:59,840
you will.

1633
00:58:00,940 --> 00:58:01,680
I cannot

1634
00:58:02,460 --> 00:58:03,599
I can't speak from

1635
00:58:03,914 --> 00:58:05,375
experience here. I cannot imagine

1636
00:58:05,675 --> 00:58:07,515
what it must be like to both be

1637
00:58:07,515 --> 00:58:09,275
the victim of abuse and to help people

1638
00:58:09,275 --> 00:58:10,335
who have been abused

1639
00:58:11,275 --> 00:58:12,335
and also

1640
00:58:13,195 --> 00:58:16,255
then do actions that with no context

1641
00:58:16,954 --> 00:58:18,574
from the outside looking in

1642
00:58:19,030 --> 00:58:21,769
within your own mind you have associated with

1643
00:58:21,990 --> 00:58:22,490
abuse,

1644
00:58:23,510 --> 00:58:25,190
that has to be a mind fuck. That

1645
00:58:25,190 --> 00:58:26,650
has to be a mind fuck.

1646
00:58:27,110 --> 00:58:28,170
But I know.

1647
00:58:28,630 --> 00:58:30,789
There there are ways to navigate it because

1648
00:58:30,789 --> 00:58:32,525
people have gone through that kind of thing

1649
00:58:32,525 --> 00:58:34,204
in their past and found BDS. And there

1650
00:58:34,204 --> 00:58:36,045
are and there are times that I ask

1651
00:58:36,045 --> 00:58:37,105
myself that too,

1652
00:58:37,644 --> 00:58:39,324
you know, be because of where I came

1653
00:58:39,324 --> 00:58:42,384
from. You know, where is this coming from?

1654
00:58:42,844 --> 00:58:45,440
Mhmm. Mhmm. Okay? You know, what what is

1655
00:58:45,440 --> 00:58:47,059
behind this? Is this just

1656
00:58:47,920 --> 00:58:49,839
what it is? You know, and it or

1657
00:58:49,839 --> 00:58:50,579
is there

1658
00:58:50,880 --> 00:58:51,380
something,

1659
00:58:52,400 --> 00:58:54,480
you know, hidden behind there that that's pushing

1660
00:58:54,480 --> 00:58:55,699
this? And,

1661
00:58:56,559 --> 00:58:58,275
you know, I I like to think that

1662
00:58:58,835 --> 00:59:00,355
I I like how that person can you

1663
00:59:00,355 --> 00:59:02,034
bring it back up? Oh, sure. Please and

1664
00:59:02,034 --> 00:59:02,694
thank you.

1665
00:59:03,635 --> 00:59:05,335
You know, I I like how they

1666
00:59:06,114 --> 00:59:07,954
they talk about the things that they did

1667
00:59:07,954 --> 00:59:10,034
to take it back. Yeah. You know, that

1668
00:59:10,034 --> 00:59:12,135
they they went into, you know, to

1669
00:59:12,639 --> 00:59:15,199
study psychology and, you know, helps kids and

1670
00:59:15,199 --> 00:59:17,139
and does that. That that is fantastic.

1671
00:59:17,440 --> 00:59:18,340
That is fantastic.

1672
00:59:18,960 --> 00:59:20,880
You know, take it back. I mean, one

1673
00:59:20,880 --> 00:59:22,079
of the things that that

1674
00:59:22,480 --> 00:59:23,840
oh, I can't I don't know where to

1675
00:59:24,559 --> 00:59:24,666
Did did your clumsy hamster fall off your

1676
00:59:24,680 --> 00:59:24,786
Yeah. I have to climb the wheel. Yeah.

1677
00:59:24,786 --> 00:59:25,460
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

1678
00:59:28,845 --> 00:59:30,144
Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

1679
00:59:30,525 --> 00:59:32,525
You I you feel this personally because you

1680
00:59:32,525 --> 00:59:34,525
have gone through some version of this. And

1681
00:59:34,525 --> 00:59:36,045
I know in the past you've talked about

1682
00:59:36,125 --> 00:59:38,525
several times about part of what helped you

1683
00:59:38,525 --> 00:59:41,300
reconcile your sadism, which I think still comes

1684
00:59:41,380 --> 00:59:42,679
falls under all of this,

1685
00:59:42,980 --> 00:59:44,440
is hearing that,

1686
00:59:45,140 --> 00:59:47,460
the the other side of the slash enjoys

1687
00:59:47,460 --> 00:59:50,659
it, wants it, requests it. Yeah. And there's

1688
00:59:50,659 --> 00:59:52,280
a way to stop it. That is

1689
00:59:52,980 --> 00:59:53,640
you know,

1690
00:59:54,914 --> 00:59:55,894
it's a simplification.

1691
00:59:56,594 --> 00:59:58,535
Right. And I'm not a fan of simplifications,

1692
00:59:58,755 --> 01:00:00,835
but for the purpose of this discussion, because

1693
01:00:00,835 --> 01:00:03,394
the nuances are gonna be difficult and maybe

1694
01:00:03,394 --> 01:00:04,994
even triggering, and I'd rather not go there

1695
01:00:04,994 --> 01:00:05,574
for anybody.

1696
01:00:06,869 --> 01:00:07,529
The simplification

1697
01:00:07,829 --> 01:00:10,469
is the reason BDSM gets such a bad

1698
01:00:10,469 --> 01:00:12,469
rap is because from the outside with no

1699
01:00:12,469 --> 01:00:15,190
context, yes, it appears abusive. Because that's that's

1700
01:00:15,190 --> 01:00:17,750
without the context. That's without that's without knowing

1701
01:00:17,750 --> 01:00:20,789
anything. Yeah. Unfortunately, it's it's a side effect

1702
01:00:20,789 --> 01:00:21,769
to the fact that

1703
01:00:22,235 --> 01:00:25,215
when that happens, that's what makes the news.

1704
01:00:25,275 --> 01:00:27,114
That also does. I mean, yeah, the media

1705
01:00:27,114 --> 01:00:28,655
perpetuates it. Yeah. But

1706
01:00:29,355 --> 01:00:30,875
once you're in it, in this case, you

1707
01:00:30,875 --> 01:00:32,315
are inside of it. You are no longer

1708
01:00:32,315 --> 01:00:33,914
on the outside looking in. You are in

1709
01:00:33,914 --> 01:00:35,275
the middle of it, and what you have

1710
01:00:35,275 --> 01:00:36,894
literally described is probably,

1711
01:00:37,610 --> 01:00:40,489
I don't know, 75 to 80 percent of

1712
01:00:40,489 --> 01:00:43,769
submissive's, like, fucking dreams. Not what you've done,

1713
01:00:43,769 --> 01:00:46,250
but the way you're doing it. The fact

1714
01:00:46,250 --> 01:00:48,570
that your submissive is so happy. The fact

1715
01:00:48,570 --> 01:00:50,670
that your submissive is craving more.

1716
01:00:51,534 --> 01:00:53,295
There are plenty of us on that side

1717
01:00:53,295 --> 01:00:55,135
of the slash who are like, where do

1718
01:00:55,135 --> 01:00:57,454
I sign up for this magic? Because that

1719
01:00:57,454 --> 01:01:00,255
sounds delightful. You are literally giving your partner

1720
01:01:00,255 --> 01:01:01,695
what they ask for and that you are

1721
01:01:01,695 --> 01:01:04,034
willing to do. You're having a good time.

1722
01:01:04,849 --> 01:01:06,710
It's the dichotomy in your brain.

1723
01:01:07,570 --> 01:01:10,050
And I would imagine it's because there is

1724
01:01:10,050 --> 01:01:12,050
some part of you, even if it's on

1725
01:01:12,050 --> 01:01:14,449
a subconscious level you're not consciously thinking of,

1726
01:01:14,449 --> 01:01:17,025
there's some part of you that says,

1727
01:01:17,664 --> 01:01:18,885
BDSM is abuse

1728
01:01:19,664 --> 01:01:20,885
because the activities

1729
01:01:21,344 --> 01:01:22,324
mirror abuse.

1730
01:01:24,144 --> 01:01:26,304
They mirror it when you have, like, when

1731
01:01:26,304 --> 01:01:27,904
you have zero nuance, when you don't know

1732
01:01:27,904 --> 01:01:29,924
what you're looking at, when you're when you

1733
01:01:30,224 --> 01:01:31,139
don't take into

1734
01:01:32,099 --> 01:01:34,119
account the the bottom or the sub's

1735
01:01:34,659 --> 01:01:37,619
joy and pleasure. Right? And those are the

1736
01:01:37,619 --> 01:01:39,880
things that separate it from abuse. Consent,

1737
01:01:40,339 --> 01:01:40,839
communication,

1738
01:01:41,139 --> 01:01:43,619
the willingness to stop, the pleasure both sides

1739
01:01:43,619 --> 01:01:45,000
of the slash are receiving.

1740
01:01:45,905 --> 01:01:47,605
We all know that in abuse,

1741
01:01:48,304 --> 01:01:49,844
at least half of that dynamic

1742
01:01:50,304 --> 01:01:50,964
is miserable.

1743
01:01:51,905 --> 01:01:54,644
Right? Like that's that's what abuse is. So

1744
01:01:55,505 --> 01:01:57,025
I'm not saying I can just say this

1745
01:01:57,025 --> 01:01:58,784
and somebody can go, Oh, now I think

1746
01:01:58,784 --> 01:02:00,405
differently. No. No. No.

1747
01:02:00,704 --> 01:02:02,429
I think to the extent that this person

1748
01:02:02,429 --> 01:02:03,969
feels comfortable with it,

1749
01:02:04,269 --> 01:02:05,650
it's time to,

1750
01:02:06,429 --> 01:02:08,449
online or in person, find community.

1751
01:02:09,230 --> 01:02:10,449
Get to know other people.

1752
01:02:10,829 --> 01:02:12,449
Quite frankly, some of

1753
01:02:12,829 --> 01:02:14,694
the kindest people, the most the people who

1754
01:02:14,694 --> 01:02:15,194
give

1755
01:02:15,574 --> 01:02:17,574
back the most, who sometimes do the most

1756
01:02:17,574 --> 01:02:18,954
for others, are kinksters

1757
01:02:19,815 --> 01:02:21,734
for all kinds of reasons. Whether it's your

1758
01:02:21,734 --> 01:02:24,135
background, whether it's just your giving nature, whatever

1759
01:02:24,135 --> 01:02:26,855
whatever. I think this person needs to find

1760
01:02:26,855 --> 01:02:28,155
some level of community

1761
01:02:28,855 --> 01:02:29,514
so that

1762
01:02:30,140 --> 01:02:32,780
being a dom can be as long as

1763
01:02:32,780 --> 01:02:34,539
it's something she wants to continue to do,

1764
01:02:34,539 --> 01:02:36,460
can be a little normalized for her. And

1765
01:02:36,460 --> 01:02:38,619
so that she can ask questions of other

1766
01:02:38,619 --> 01:02:41,199
people who have already wrestled with these things.

1767
01:02:41,900 --> 01:02:43,820
You know? There's no simple answer to tell

1768
01:02:43,820 --> 01:02:45,344
somebody how to wrestle with it, how to,

1769
01:02:45,344 --> 01:02:47,824
you know, see it differently. You know, what

1770
01:02:47,824 --> 01:02:48,324
what,

1771
01:02:48,704 --> 01:02:50,545
mental blocks you have to overcome because it's

1772
01:02:50,545 --> 01:02:51,925
gonna be different for everybody.

1773
01:02:53,264 --> 01:02:55,425
You know, the thing this person I don't

1774
01:02:55,425 --> 01:02:57,425
think can know and understand, because they probably

1775
01:02:57,425 --> 01:02:59,280
have not lived through this part of the

1776
01:02:59,280 --> 01:02:59,940
kink experience,

1777
01:03:00,400 --> 01:03:03,460
is that the fact that you're even asking,

1778
01:03:03,760 --> 01:03:06,179
the fact that you even worry about it

1779
01:03:06,719 --> 01:03:09,280
the abusers don't fucking worry about anything. They're

1780
01:03:09,280 --> 01:03:11,199
not worried about you. They're not worried about

1781
01:03:11,199 --> 01:03:11,940
their partner.

1782
01:03:12,264 --> 01:03:14,344
You are, which already puts you leaps and

1783
01:03:14,344 --> 01:03:14,664
bounds from

1784
01:03:15,545 --> 01:03:16,984
Because it those those things are things you

1785
01:03:16,984 --> 01:03:19,385
think about. Even when we first got together

1786
01:03:19,385 --> 01:03:21,804
and we were starting to build our our

1787
01:03:22,105 --> 01:03:24,184
power exchange, you know, I told you one

1788
01:03:24,184 --> 01:03:26,105
of the concerns I have right up front

1789
01:03:26,105 --> 01:03:28,780
is that, you know, absolute power corrupts absolutely.

1790
01:03:29,000 --> 01:03:30,699
Right. And and, you know,

1791
01:03:31,000 --> 01:03:33,079
how do I keep myself in check? Right.

1792
01:03:33,079 --> 01:03:34,860
You know? Because it's the responsibility

1793
01:03:35,239 --> 01:03:37,739
of being a dom, a top, or whatever.

1794
01:03:37,800 --> 01:03:39,640
But those yeah. Those are things I I

1795
01:03:39,640 --> 01:03:42,025
have thought of. Mhmm. You know? Yeah. I

1796
01:03:42,025 --> 01:03:44,425
would be a little concerned if Dom's top

1797
01:03:44,425 --> 01:03:47,545
sadists aren't having at least a moment of

1798
01:03:47,545 --> 01:03:50,765
wrestling with the idea of wait, wait, wait.

1799
01:03:50,905 --> 01:03:52,980
Yeah. In another context, I could go to

1800
01:03:52,980 --> 01:03:55,460
jail for this. Like, if you're not wrestling

1801
01:03:55,460 --> 01:03:56,099
with it, what

1802
01:03:56,500 --> 01:03:59,219
I'm I'm scared for you. Yeah. You should

1803
01:03:59,219 --> 01:04:01,539
have at least a moment of pause of

1804
01:04:01,539 --> 01:04:03,940
wait. Is this really okay? Am I okay?

1805
01:04:03,940 --> 01:04:06,760
Are they okay? There's nothing wrong with thinking

1806
01:04:06,885 --> 01:04:09,284
that, you know. We are raised, most of

1807
01:04:09,284 --> 01:04:11,125
us, in a society that says don't don't

1808
01:04:11,125 --> 01:04:12,505
purposely hurt people.

1809
01:04:14,324 --> 01:04:16,085
In BDSM, some of us are like, please,

1810
01:04:16,085 --> 01:04:18,324
Jesus, God, purposely hurt me. I'm begging you.

1811
01:04:18,324 --> 01:04:18,824
Yeah.

1812
01:04:19,204 --> 01:04:20,965
Yeah. I mean, to to some people in

1813
01:04:20,965 --> 01:04:22,585
DS, you know, their their

1814
01:04:23,260 --> 01:04:24,880
bruises are badges of honor.

1815
01:04:25,420 --> 01:04:27,019
You saw my face light up when I

1816
01:04:27,019 --> 01:04:29,840
talked about him. Yeah. You did. Handprints. So

1817
01:04:30,140 --> 01:04:32,619
yeah. I I get where this person's coming

1818
01:04:32,619 --> 01:04:33,840
from. I hope,

1819
01:04:35,340 --> 01:04:36,079
she finds

1820
01:04:36,755 --> 01:04:38,775
the support system, the community,

1821
01:04:40,035 --> 01:04:43,255
hears the right thing from her submissive something

1822
01:04:43,315 --> 01:04:45,074
that allows it to click in her head

1823
01:04:45,074 --> 01:04:47,655
for her, what what the true difference is.

1824
01:04:47,795 --> 01:04:48,295
Because

1825
01:04:49,394 --> 01:04:52,029
there's nothing wrong with wrestling with it. I'm

1826
01:04:52,029 --> 01:04:52,529
I'm

1827
01:04:53,549 --> 01:04:55,549
I admire people. I think you should wrestle

1828
01:04:55,549 --> 01:04:56,529
with it. Right?

1829
01:04:57,469 --> 01:04:57,969
But

1830
01:04:58,509 --> 01:05:00,349
to wrestle with it means you're coming from

1831
01:05:00,349 --> 01:05:03,009
a place of, oh, BDSM is inherently abusive.

1832
01:05:03,150 --> 01:05:04,449
And it's until you

1833
01:05:04,934 --> 01:05:07,434
make change that understanding in your own brain

1834
01:05:07,735 --> 01:05:09,094
on us all the way down to a

1835
01:05:09,094 --> 01:05:11,094
subconscious level where you're not thinking about it.

1836
01:05:11,094 --> 01:05:13,914
You just know. Mhmm. You know? Yeah.

1837
01:05:16,614 --> 01:05:17,114
Yeah.

1838
01:05:17,574 --> 01:05:19,815
One good rant. Well, technically, 2 good no.

1839
01:05:19,815 --> 01:05:22,210
One good rant. 2 good rants. I don't

1840
01:05:22,210 --> 01:05:23,110
know. Yes.

1841
01:05:24,610 --> 01:05:26,570
I don't know what to say about all

1842
01:05:26,570 --> 01:05:27,190
of that.

1843
01:05:28,849 --> 01:05:29,910
We're done. No.

1844
01:05:31,410 --> 01:05:33,190
That was the last one. Okay.

1845
01:05:36,194 --> 01:05:37,954
That's all I got. I don't know. Mhmm.

1846
01:05:38,114 --> 01:05:38,855
I don't know.

1847
01:05:39,315 --> 01:05:39,795
So,

1848
01:05:40,114 --> 01:05:40,934
are we good?

1849
01:05:42,355 --> 01:05:43,815
You should not ask me that.

1850
01:05:45,554 --> 01:05:46,800
Keep it kinky, y'all. And

1851
01:05:52,880 --> 01:05:53,460
will see you next week.

1852
01:05:57,280 --> 01:05:58,739
Oh, that's right. Yeah.

1853
01:05:59,119 --> 01:06:00,400
I don't What? Don't I don't have to

1854
01:06:00,480 --> 01:06:02,260
I don't have anything to write down.

1855
01:06:03,785 --> 01:06:05,164
Like, I'm gonna wait here patiently.

1856
01:06:05,465 --> 01:06:07,865
Program kicked the bucket. Why is he not

1857
01:06:07,865 --> 01:06:10,505
writing down numbers like he does? No. No

1858
01:06:10,505 --> 01:06:12,025
numbers to write down. No numbers to write

1859
01:06:12,025 --> 01:06:13,005
down. Okay.

1860
01:06:14,105 --> 01:06:15,785
This is gonna be a fun edit after

1861
01:06:15,785 --> 01:06:17,610
you pull the audio. Well, the

1862
01:06:19,130 --> 01:06:20,970
the the part that's gonna, like, probably really

1863
01:06:20,970 --> 01:06:23,210
suck is to get the video to pull

1864
01:06:23,210 --> 01:06:25,289
the audio. Yeah. That's the part that's gonna

1865
01:06:25,289 --> 01:06:25,789
suck.

1866
01:06:28,250 --> 01:06:28,890
I see,

1867
01:06:29,289 --> 01:06:30,030
me learning

1868
01:06:30,785 --> 01:06:33,045
Some new skills? New skills and new programs

1869
01:06:33,344 --> 01:06:36,465
just to get will the podcast episode come

1870
01:06:36,465 --> 01:06:36,965
out

1871
01:06:37,344 --> 01:06:40,065
at midnight on Friday? I don't know. Yeah.

1872
01:06:40,065 --> 01:06:43,045
I don't know. Yeah. We shall see. This

1873
01:06:43,344 --> 01:06:43,905
this is

1874
01:06:44,670 --> 01:06:46,690
I'm not at the point of being frustrated

1875
01:06:46,750 --> 01:06:47,569
or overwhelmed

1876
01:06:48,030 --> 01:06:50,190
or, like, at the end of my rope,

1877
01:06:50,190 --> 01:06:52,750
that kind of thing. But this does feel

1878
01:06:52,750 --> 01:06:53,549
like an

1879
01:06:54,109 --> 01:06:55,010
just one

1880
01:06:56,109 --> 01:06:56,609
of

1881
01:06:58,005 --> 01:07:00,964
the sprinkles on a a heavily sprinkled birthday

1882
01:07:00,964 --> 01:07:03,144
cake on the icing of chaos. Like,

1883
01:07:04,005 --> 01:07:04,505
every

1884
01:07:05,204 --> 01:07:05,704
day

1885
01:07:06,005 --> 01:07:06,824
in January

1886
01:07:07,204 --> 01:07:08,344
has had something

1887
01:07:08,964 --> 01:07:10,885
chaotic. Mhmm. Like, we got a couple days

1888
01:07:10,885 --> 01:07:12,085
where it was quiet. We hadn't come back

1889
01:07:12,085 --> 01:07:13,359
to work yet. We were just chilling. Life

1890
01:07:13,359 --> 01:07:15,679
was good. And then it was like the

1891
01:07:15,679 --> 01:07:17,059
moment we said, okay.

1892
01:07:17,839 --> 01:07:19,300
We're ready to face 2025

1893
01:07:20,559 --> 01:07:21,059
now.

1894
01:07:21,679 --> 01:07:22,179
Every

1895
01:07:22,480 --> 01:07:22,980
fucking

1896
01:07:23,440 --> 01:07:25,599
day. And that's not even to mention what's

1897
01:07:25,599 --> 01:07:27,764
happening outside of our house and in the

1898
01:07:27,764 --> 01:07:29,684
world around us. Yeah. I,

1899
01:07:30,324 --> 01:07:32,264
yeah. I I don't disagree with you.

1900
01:07:32,924 --> 01:07:33,424
I

1901
01:07:34,085 --> 01:07:35,545
feel like I've already lived

1902
01:07:35,844 --> 01:07:37,144
the whole year of 2025.

1903
01:07:38,885 --> 01:07:41,480
Yeah. Yeah. This is the longest month. But,

1904
01:07:41,799 --> 01:07:43,559
you know, you're you're not wrong. There there

1905
01:07:43,559 --> 01:07:44,859
is there there's been

1906
01:07:45,480 --> 01:07:46,619
some form of chaos

1907
01:07:47,079 --> 01:07:49,000
going on, but there's also been a lot

1908
01:07:49,000 --> 01:07:51,079
of good Yeah. We've had happening this month

1909
01:07:51,400 --> 01:07:53,335
Yeah. In our personal life. Yeah. You know?

1910
01:07:53,335 --> 01:07:55,494
And I a good portion of it we'll

1911
01:07:55,494 --> 01:07:58,295
be talking about in the Patreon Bonus. Yeah.

1912
01:07:58,454 --> 01:07:59,974
Bonus. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But,

1913
01:08:00,535 --> 01:08:03,015
silent, I will let you. Silent's offering to

1914
01:08:03,015 --> 01:08:05,094
get the audio so easily. I will let

1915
01:08:05,094 --> 01:08:07,364
you. I will thank you. Thank you. Thank

1916
01:08:11,250 --> 01:08:12,630
you. Yeah. So

1917
01:08:13,170 --> 01:08:13,570
but,

1918
01:08:13,970 --> 01:08:15,970
I don't know. We're we're doing good. It's,

1919
01:08:16,610 --> 01:08:18,610
we actually have a warm day today. I

1920
01:08:18,610 --> 01:08:19,909
know. It's in the low seventies.

1921
01:08:20,289 --> 01:08:22,530
It's a like, it's a beautiful Florida day

1922
01:08:22,530 --> 01:08:25,385
as Florida should be. Right. As the myth,

1923
01:08:25,385 --> 01:08:27,625
every one of us has been sold about

1924
01:08:27,625 --> 01:08:30,185
Florida, and it is genuinely a myth, not

1925
01:08:30,185 --> 01:08:33,645
just Yeah. From a climate perspective, but

1926
01:08:34,265 --> 01:08:35,965
from an everything else perspective.

1927
01:08:36,530 --> 01:08:37,030
Yeah.

1928
01:08:37,409 --> 01:08:39,250
From an everything else perspective. I may even

1929
01:08:39,250 --> 01:08:40,850
open the windows a little bit after this.

1930
01:08:40,850 --> 01:08:42,369
Oh, we need to because the house needs

1931
01:08:42,369 --> 01:08:43,250
to be aired out. It needs to be

1932
01:08:43,250 --> 01:08:45,170
aired. And it's actually colder in here than

1933
01:08:45,170 --> 01:08:46,150
it is outside.

1934
01:08:46,930 --> 01:08:49,090
This house holds a temperature really, really hot.

1935
01:08:49,090 --> 01:08:50,770
Once it gets to a certain temperature, it

1936
01:08:50,770 --> 01:08:52,150
does hold it. Mhmm.

1937
01:08:52,954 --> 01:08:54,715
That's a good thing when it's cold outside

1938
01:08:54,715 --> 01:08:55,835
and you walk in and it's nice and

1939
01:08:55,835 --> 01:08:57,114
warm and the heat hasn't been on for

1940
01:08:57,114 --> 01:08:57,694
an age.

1941
01:08:57,994 --> 01:09:01,194
It's disconcerting when you walk outside and it's,

1942
01:09:01,194 --> 01:09:04,590
like, there's the temperature's super off. Like, it

1943
01:09:05,789 --> 01:09:08,029
it was chilly yesterday, day before. I don't

1944
01:09:08,029 --> 01:09:09,550
know. It wasn't cold by any means, but

1945
01:09:09,550 --> 01:09:10,750
it was, like, there was a chill in

1946
01:09:10,750 --> 01:09:12,189
the air. And then I walked in the

1947
01:09:12,189 --> 01:09:13,889
house and it was cold

1948
01:09:14,189 --> 01:09:15,630
in the air. Like, we had turned on

1949
01:09:15,630 --> 01:09:17,889
the air. I was like, what is happening

1950
01:09:17,949 --> 01:09:18,449
here?

1951
01:09:20,085 --> 01:09:21,944
So Yeah. Yeah.

1952
01:09:22,645 --> 01:09:24,164
Yeah. There's just I don't think I've had

1953
01:09:24,164 --> 01:09:24,404
a full

1954
01:09:25,364 --> 01:09:27,225
I'm I'm trying to be better in 2025

1955
01:09:27,405 --> 01:09:28,585
to to

1956
01:09:29,444 --> 01:09:31,284
most of the time to only do Monday

1957
01:09:31,284 --> 01:09:32,039
through Friday for

1958
01:09:33,079 --> 01:09:35,159
work, which kind of keeps me on task

1959
01:09:35,159 --> 01:09:37,319
even though I'm fighting myself about to do

1960
01:09:37,319 --> 01:09:39,739
lists. I don't know. Probably I don't know.

1961
01:09:41,319 --> 01:09:43,960
And so, you know, by giving myself an

1962
01:09:43,960 --> 01:09:47,185
artificial deadline, because clearly I control my own

1963
01:09:47,185 --> 01:09:48,005
work life,

1964
01:09:48,465 --> 01:09:50,465
I get more weekends. You know, we get

1965
01:09:50,465 --> 01:09:51,204
more rest.

1966
01:09:51,824 --> 01:09:53,185
Right? And it's not gonna work all the

1967
01:09:53,185 --> 01:09:55,345
time. We're self employed and sometimes you are

1968
01:09:55,345 --> 01:09:57,104
working 80 hours in a week. That's just

1969
01:09:57,104 --> 01:09:57,845
what you're doing.

1970
01:09:58,864 --> 01:09:59,364
But

1971
01:10:01,104 --> 01:10:03,659
I don't think I've had a full

1972
01:10:04,039 --> 01:10:04,539
uninterrupted

1973
01:10:05,319 --> 01:10:08,300
able to focus on the day work day

1974
01:10:08,760 --> 01:10:10,920
since we came back from break. Every day

1975
01:10:10,920 --> 01:10:13,000
has had something. It's either had there's been

1976
01:10:13,000 --> 01:10:15,020
an appointment to take somebody to.

1977
01:10:15,585 --> 01:10:17,185
I don't know why January was when we

1978
01:10:17,185 --> 01:10:18,305
had to do all the things, but we

1979
01:10:18,305 --> 01:10:19,744
did all the things. We're doing them all

1980
01:10:19,744 --> 01:10:22,085
in January. Or there's phone calls to make

1981
01:10:22,145 --> 01:10:23,204
or there's, like,

1982
01:10:23,585 --> 01:10:26,225
personal life fires to put out or there's

1983
01:10:26,225 --> 01:10:28,564
research to do on something. It's like,

1984
01:10:29,720 --> 01:10:31,159
I just can I just have a day

1985
01:10:31,159 --> 01:10:32,860
where I'm allowed to just work?

1986
01:10:33,320 --> 01:10:33,820
Like,

1987
01:10:34,280 --> 01:10:34,780
I

1988
01:10:35,479 --> 01:10:38,840
I crave routine. I thrive with routine. I

1989
01:10:38,840 --> 01:10:39,340
need

1990
01:10:39,800 --> 01:10:41,574
routine, and I have not had a good

1991
01:10:41,574 --> 01:10:42,074
routine

1992
01:10:44,295 --> 01:10:45,675
yet for the month of January.

1993
01:10:46,295 --> 01:10:48,854
And that's not even when I start talk

1994
01:10:48,934 --> 01:10:50,534
when I start thinking about how I can

1995
01:10:50,534 --> 01:10:52,314
get myself caught up in

1996
01:10:53,494 --> 01:10:53,994
doomscrolling

1997
01:10:55,739 --> 01:10:57,340
in the name of trying to feel like

1998
01:10:57,340 --> 01:10:59,199
I am informed about the world.

1999
01:10:59,979 --> 01:11:00,719
We made

2000
01:11:01,099 --> 01:11:03,199
personal decisions about how we would stay informed

2001
01:11:03,260 --> 01:11:04,960
and guard our own mental health

2002
01:11:05,579 --> 01:11:07,739
now and for the next 4 years to

2003
01:11:07,739 --> 01:11:09,119
the extent that we can.

2004
01:11:09,819 --> 01:11:11,704
And so I try to be really mindful

2005
01:11:11,704 --> 01:11:13,545
of where I'm getting news from, and I

2006
01:11:13,545 --> 01:11:15,545
try to be mindful of what my algorithms

2007
01:11:15,545 --> 01:11:17,145
are trying to feed me and then try

2008
01:11:17,145 --> 01:11:18,585
to engage with the stuff I really wanna

2009
01:11:18,585 --> 01:11:19,564
see. But, man,

2010
01:11:19,944 --> 01:11:22,265
your algorithm will be algorithming. And I'm like,

2011
01:11:22,265 --> 01:11:23,970
I wasn't trying to see all this stuff

2012
01:11:23,970 --> 01:11:25,810
and now I'm terrified I don't like to

2013
01:11:25,810 --> 01:11:27,109
go hide under the bed.

2014
01:11:27,890 --> 01:11:29,890
I'm not gonna do that. But can I

2015
01:11:29,890 --> 01:11:31,029
can I just see

2016
01:11:31,409 --> 01:11:34,770
some cute cats and some precious dogs? That's

2017
01:11:34,770 --> 01:11:36,449
all I wanna see on the Internet right

2018
01:11:36,449 --> 01:11:36,949
now.

2019
01:11:39,264 --> 01:11:39,764
So

2020
01:11:41,505 --> 01:11:42,005
yeah.

2021
01:11:43,024 --> 01:11:44,545
Yeah. I would just like I would just

2022
01:11:44,545 --> 01:11:45,364
like a day

2023
01:11:45,664 --> 01:11:47,425
where it's just it's a day and I

2024
01:11:47,425 --> 01:11:49,824
put I put my, like, clothes I don't

2025
01:11:49,824 --> 01:11:51,664
mind getting dusty and dirty on, and I

2026
01:11:51,664 --> 01:11:53,430
come into the office and I work. And

2027
01:11:53,430 --> 01:11:54,869
I work until it's time to eat lunch,

2028
01:11:54,869 --> 01:11:56,630
and then I have a lunch, and then

2029
01:11:56,630 --> 01:11:58,310
I go back to my desk, and then

2030
01:11:58,310 --> 01:12:00,310
I work some more. And then around dinner

2031
01:12:00,310 --> 01:12:02,150
time, I go, I think I shall be

2032
01:12:02,150 --> 01:12:03,750
done for the day. And then I'm just

2033
01:12:03,750 --> 01:12:06,125
fucking done. That's that's the the dream.

2034
01:12:07,305 --> 01:12:09,305
And since we came back from break, I

2035
01:12:09,305 --> 01:12:11,784
don't think I've had that. Now the 1st

2036
01:12:11,784 --> 01:12:12,845
week we came back,

2037
01:12:14,104 --> 01:12:16,185
I was living the dream that was a

2038
01:12:16,185 --> 01:12:17,085
lie because

2039
01:12:17,820 --> 01:12:20,300
I was segmenting my day. Like, the morning

2040
01:12:20,300 --> 01:12:21,899
was all kinkery stuff. That's all I did.

2041
01:12:21,899 --> 01:12:23,340
The afternoon was all the other shit I

2042
01:12:23,340 --> 01:12:25,820
do. Wednesdays were just loving BDSM. It was

2043
01:12:25,820 --> 01:12:26,320
perfect.

2044
01:12:26,699 --> 01:12:28,939
I kind of got that demarcation in my

2045
01:12:28,939 --> 01:12:31,100
work for 1 week in the middle of

2046
01:12:31,100 --> 01:12:32,795
all the chaos. 1 week. I haven't had

2047
01:12:32,795 --> 01:12:33,454
it since.

2048
01:12:33,994 --> 01:12:34,735
Not since.

2049
01:12:35,755 --> 01:12:37,534
I don't know. I don't know.

2050
01:12:38,155 --> 01:12:38,895
I saw,

2051
01:12:40,555 --> 01:12:42,235
several things right at the New Year. People

2052
01:12:42,235 --> 01:12:44,074
were talking about how if we kind of

2053
01:12:44,074 --> 01:12:45,375
followed the natural calendar,

2054
01:12:45,920 --> 01:12:47,760
not the art the one no. The one

2055
01:12:47,760 --> 01:12:50,640
we live under, but, like, nature's calendar. Yeah.

2056
01:12:50,640 --> 01:12:52,239
New Year would really be, like, in the

2057
01:12:52,239 --> 01:12:55,439
March time frame and not, like, for Northern

2058
01:12:55,439 --> 01:12:58,420
Hemisphere folks, dead of fucking winter. Yeah.

2059
01:12:58,720 --> 01:13:00,494
And I was like, I kinda could get

2060
01:13:00,574 --> 01:13:02,414
behind that because But didn't they just,

2061
01:13:03,534 --> 01:13:05,854
celebrate Chinese New Year? I think that's happening

2062
01:13:05,854 --> 01:13:07,454
or about to happen. Okay. Lunar New Year.

2063
01:13:07,454 --> 01:13:09,774
Yeah. Year of the snake, if I remember.

2064
01:13:09,774 --> 01:13:11,854
Oh, really? Okay. I always forget what year

2065
01:13:11,854 --> 01:13:13,774
I am. Maybe year of the horse? I

2066
01:13:13,774 --> 01:13:15,235
can't remember. I need to go look.

2067
01:13:17,750 --> 01:13:18,570
So yeah.

2068
01:13:19,750 --> 01:13:22,310
Yeah. It's just I'm just I want things

2069
01:13:22,310 --> 01:13:22,470
to

2070
01:13:23,190 --> 01:13:25,510
thank god I happen to both remember that

2071
01:13:25,510 --> 01:13:27,670
I have a doctor's appointment next week and

2072
01:13:27,670 --> 01:13:29,110
that I could get to the website to

2073
01:13:29,110 --> 01:13:30,409
confirm the date because

2074
01:13:30,710 --> 01:13:31,690
I was like, I

2075
01:13:32,055 --> 01:13:33,574
I think I have a doctor's appointment next

2076
01:13:33,574 --> 01:13:35,094
week, but there's nothing on the calendar. But

2077
01:13:35,094 --> 01:13:37,414
there was Lola's doctor's appointment next week, and

2078
01:13:37,414 --> 01:13:39,654
there was the kids' something something. I can't

2079
01:13:39,654 --> 01:13:41,015
remember what he's got going on. We're doing

2080
01:13:41,015 --> 01:13:42,534
something with him. And then I think there

2081
01:13:42,534 --> 01:13:43,975
was something that maybe you were going to

2082
01:13:43,975 --> 01:13:45,800
do. I was like, oh, shit. Did and

2083
01:13:45,800 --> 01:13:48,000
we only have one car now. Remember? Like,

2084
01:13:48,000 --> 01:13:49,460
oh, shit. Thankfully

2085
01:13:49,920 --> 01:13:52,239
thankfully, it does not conflict. It does not

2086
01:13:52,239 --> 01:13:54,000
conflict because that's not an appointment I can

2087
01:13:54,000 --> 01:13:56,179
reschedule. That appointment's been made for a year.

2088
01:13:57,359 --> 01:13:59,574
The Dyna College's office is not one you

2089
01:13:59,574 --> 01:14:01,655
just call up and you get in Yeah.

2090
01:14:01,734 --> 01:14:03,195
Like, even in the same week.

2091
01:14:03,574 --> 01:14:04,954
So yeah. I was like,

2092
01:14:10,850 --> 01:14:11,670
Yeah. I just

2093
01:14:11,970 --> 01:14:14,449
I don't know. Maybe maybe this is just

2094
01:14:14,449 --> 01:14:15,590
the nature of things,

2095
01:14:16,770 --> 01:14:19,569
and nothing will be calm again, maybe ever.

2096
01:14:19,569 --> 01:14:22,369
I don't know. Maybe maybe we're all destined

2097
01:14:22,369 --> 01:14:23,109
for chaos.

2098
01:14:23,409 --> 01:14:25,890
I don't know. I don't know. But I

2099
01:14:25,890 --> 01:14:26,130
just

2100
01:14:27,645 --> 01:14:28,145
Yeah.

2101
01:14:29,324 --> 01:14:29,984
I know.

2102
01:14:30,765 --> 01:14:31,744
So I've been

2103
01:14:32,565 --> 01:14:33,065
escaping

2104
01:14:33,885 --> 01:14:34,385
reality,

2105
01:14:35,564 --> 01:14:36,064
currently

2106
01:14:36,364 --> 01:14:36,864
reading

2107
01:14:37,885 --> 01:14:38,864
a vampire

2108
01:14:40,390 --> 01:14:40,890
y

2109
01:14:42,710 --> 01:14:44,470
choose. They kind of have the same sex

2110
01:14:44,470 --> 01:14:46,470
over and over again. There's been I think

2111
01:14:46,470 --> 01:14:48,970
there's a 4th person who will be

2112
01:14:49,350 --> 01:14:51,610
part of the female main character's, like,

2113
01:14:52,314 --> 01:14:52,814
group,

2114
01:14:53,354 --> 01:14:55,755
but her her first three don't like this

2115
01:14:55,755 --> 01:14:58,554
one. They don't trust him. And, also, he's

2116
01:14:58,635 --> 01:15:00,395
he thinks he's destined to die. And I'm

2117
01:15:00,395 --> 01:15:03,114
in the last 45 minutes of this 4

2118
01:15:03,114 --> 01:15:04,014
book series,

2119
01:15:05,760 --> 01:15:06,659
But it those

2120
01:15:07,199 --> 01:15:08,019
the storytelling

2121
01:15:08,719 --> 01:15:09,779
is so rich

2122
01:15:10,479 --> 01:15:12,019
that I actually have overlooked

2123
01:15:12,399 --> 01:15:13,219
way more

2124
01:15:13,760 --> 01:15:15,920
grammatical errors than I would prefer to see

2125
01:15:15,920 --> 01:15:16,579
in a book.

2126
01:15:16,960 --> 01:15:18,639
And the fact that the sex is kind

2127
01:15:18,639 --> 01:15:20,019
of always the same.

2128
01:15:20,319 --> 01:15:20,819
And

2129
01:15:21,975 --> 01:15:23,914
this is one of those situations where,

2130
01:15:25,655 --> 01:15:26,475
first time,

2131
01:15:27,015 --> 01:15:27,914
double penetration

2132
01:15:28,695 --> 01:15:32,555
and she's never done anal, but man that

2133
01:15:33,015 --> 01:15:36,295
giant like forearm sized cock sure as shit

2134
01:15:36,295 --> 01:15:37,195
got in there

2135
01:15:37,630 --> 01:15:39,409
like going down a slip and slide.

2136
01:15:40,030 --> 01:15:42,110
And you know, I did read 1 series.

2137
01:15:42,110 --> 01:15:44,030
I cannot remember, y'all know my brain is

2138
01:15:44,030 --> 01:15:46,289
about books. I did read 1 series where

2139
01:15:46,430 --> 01:15:48,210
part of the world building, the magic,

2140
01:15:48,989 --> 01:15:51,650
allowed you to, like, do a spell and

2141
01:15:51,710 --> 01:15:53,444
relax that shit so you didn't have to

2142
01:15:53,444 --> 01:15:56,564
have painful anal sex. I was like, cool.

2143
01:15:56,564 --> 01:15:58,564
You built it into the world. You're consistent

2144
01:15:58,564 --> 01:16:00,505
with it. I can accept it. Use magic.

2145
01:16:01,045 --> 01:16:02,564
I think the real world would love to

2146
01:16:02,564 --> 01:16:04,404
have that kind of magic. Right. But when

2147
01:16:04,404 --> 01:16:05,625
it's more of a,

2148
01:16:05,970 --> 01:16:08,369
oh, yeah. Yeah. She's never done this before.

2149
01:16:08,369 --> 01:16:09,110
She's actually

2150
01:16:09,729 --> 01:16:11,329
practically a virgin because the first time she

2151
01:16:11,329 --> 01:16:13,590
ever had sex was like 5 pages ago.

2152
01:16:14,530 --> 01:16:16,630
But it's just all you need to do.

2153
01:16:16,770 --> 01:16:17,510
And she's

2154
01:16:18,130 --> 01:16:18,869
the way

2155
01:16:19,170 --> 01:16:20,390
the way her

2156
01:16:22,305 --> 01:16:22,805
desire,

2157
01:16:23,585 --> 01:16:25,125
the wetness is described,

2158
01:16:25,664 --> 01:16:27,685
she should be carrying around a water bottle

2159
01:16:27,744 --> 01:16:31,284
way more than dripping. It's dri and and

2160
01:16:31,664 --> 01:16:34,409
the way these men coming in her is

2161
01:16:34,489 --> 01:16:36,909
described because they're all they're all massive. Right?

2162
01:16:37,369 --> 01:16:38,890
Like, so big you mostly are like, get

2163
01:16:38,890 --> 01:16:40,489
the fuck away from me because I'm not

2164
01:16:40,489 --> 01:16:42,350
trying to get internal energy injuries.

2165
01:16:43,449 --> 01:16:44,110
But apparently,

2166
01:16:44,970 --> 01:16:46,030
they ejaculate

2167
01:16:46,489 --> 01:16:49,295
so much that it's always on her thighs

2168
01:16:49,515 --> 01:16:51,614
while they're still inside of her.

2169
01:16:52,074 --> 01:16:54,315
I okay. I clearly have not ignored all

2170
01:16:54,315 --> 01:16:56,975
of that, but the still the world building

2171
01:16:57,034 --> 01:16:59,195
and the actual story of the conflict they're

2172
01:16:59,195 --> 01:17:00,095
trying to resolve

2173
01:17:00,715 --> 01:17:01,695
is so good

2174
01:17:02,155 --> 01:17:04,979
that I roll my eyes, but then I

2175
01:17:04,979 --> 01:17:06,739
keep on rolling because I gotta get to

2176
01:17:06,739 --> 01:17:07,939
the end of the story. How does how

2177
01:17:07,939 --> 01:17:10,100
does this all work out? Does the baddie

2178
01:17:10,579 --> 01:17:12,600
no. It was not written by a man.

2179
01:17:12,979 --> 01:17:14,199
It was not silent.

2180
01:17:19,185 --> 01:17:21,045
No. No. And I've read another

2181
01:17:21,505 --> 01:17:23,824
series by this author where the world building

2182
01:17:23,824 --> 01:17:24,324
was

2183
01:17:24,945 --> 01:17:28,725
amazing. Like you could I'm a romance girly.

2184
01:17:29,024 --> 01:17:30,625
Please be fucking in the pages of a

2185
01:17:30,625 --> 01:17:31,604
book I'm reading.

2186
01:17:31,949 --> 01:17:32,609
The the

2187
01:17:32,909 --> 01:17:35,149
story and the world was so good. You

2188
01:17:35,149 --> 01:17:36,670
could have taken all the romance out. I'd

2189
01:17:36,670 --> 01:17:37,949
have kept reading it and would have fucking

2190
01:17:37,949 --> 01:17:40,109
loved it. That I mean, this author is

2191
01:17:40,109 --> 01:17:41,250
good at that, but

2192
01:17:41,710 --> 01:17:43,969
it's the downside of when you read somebody's

2193
01:17:44,109 --> 01:17:46,350
entire series back to back. No breaks. No

2194
01:17:46,350 --> 01:17:48,074
time to, like, kind of forget. Because I

2195
01:17:48,074 --> 01:17:49,595
see all the patterns and I see all

2196
01:17:49,595 --> 01:17:51,515
the repeats and I see the habits that

2197
01:17:51,515 --> 01:17:53,755
writer has of how they describe shit. And

2198
01:17:53,755 --> 01:17:54,414
I'm like,

2199
01:17:55,114 --> 01:17:57,354
that's a lot of come in between her

2200
01:17:57,354 --> 01:17:57,854
thighs

2201
01:17:58,395 --> 01:18:01,595
every time. Are they over hydrating? What is

2202
01:18:01,595 --> 01:18:02,095
happening?

2203
01:18:02,829 --> 01:18:03,569
Why is

2204
01:18:03,949 --> 01:18:05,969
she sopping, sopping wet?

2205
01:18:06,510 --> 01:18:09,069
Like every time her her under underwear being

2206
01:18:09,069 --> 01:18:11,489
wet. Okay. I've been there. Her pants?

2207
01:18:11,949 --> 01:18:15,149
She's wearing jeans and soaked through? That's a

2208
01:18:15,149 --> 01:18:17,469
medical condition. You need to go to the

2209
01:18:17,469 --> 01:18:17,969
doctor.

2210
01:18:19,015 --> 01:18:19,515
I

2211
01:18:19,815 --> 01:18:22,295
every every time? No. And then, of course,

2212
01:18:22,295 --> 01:18:24,395
it's vampires so they scent her desire

2213
01:18:25,015 --> 01:18:27,255
all the fucking time. They scent when she's

2214
01:18:27,255 --> 01:18:29,255
had sex with somebody all the fucking time.

2215
01:18:29,255 --> 01:18:30,750
I'd be like, I would just live in

2216
01:18:30,750 --> 01:18:32,029
the shower. I don't think I can handle

2217
01:18:32,029 --> 01:18:34,430
all that sniffing around me. You need to

2218
01:18:34,430 --> 01:18:36,289
start an erotic book club podcast.

2219
01:18:37,149 --> 01:18:39,710
It would just be me ranting about it

2220
01:18:39,710 --> 01:18:41,710
would just be me ranting about shit that

2221
01:18:41,710 --> 01:18:44,670
annoys me in books or me trying to

2222
01:18:44,670 --> 01:18:46,725
describe a book that I really enjoyed. But

2223
01:18:46,805 --> 01:18:49,125
do I remember the characters' names? Do I

2224
01:18:49,125 --> 01:18:50,564
remember the name of the book? No. I

2225
01:18:50,564 --> 01:18:51,305
do not.

2226
01:18:54,324 --> 01:18:55,385
Oh, god.

2227
01:19:00,020 --> 01:19:00,520
Anyway,

2228
01:19:00,980 --> 01:19:03,539
I'm I got, like, 30, 45 minutes left

2229
01:19:03,539 --> 01:19:05,480
of the 4th book in the series.

2230
01:19:05,860 --> 01:19:06,920
I I need

2231
01:19:07,460 --> 01:19:09,539
it's romance. You know how it ends, but,

2232
01:19:09,539 --> 01:19:11,300
I mean, it can it's sometimes good enough

2233
01:19:11,300 --> 01:19:14,085
storytelling. I'm like, wait. Are you gonna surprise

2234
01:19:14,085 --> 01:19:15,364
me and it's not gonna end the way

2235
01:19:15,364 --> 01:19:17,524
it better fucking end? I need to know.

2236
01:19:17,524 --> 01:19:19,864
The baddie is super fucking baddie. He's overpowered.

2237
01:19:20,005 --> 01:19:20,744
Like he-

2238
01:19:21,125 --> 01:19:21,625
which-

2239
01:19:22,645 --> 01:19:24,824
what that means, what I've learned,

2240
01:19:25,524 --> 01:19:27,225
with this much left of the book,

2241
01:19:28,229 --> 01:19:30,789
the conflict resolution of dealing with the bad

2242
01:19:30,789 --> 01:19:31,289
guy

2243
01:19:31,989 --> 01:19:33,750
will take way less time than it ought

2244
01:19:33,750 --> 01:19:36,470
to. It won't be an epic battle of

2245
01:19:36,470 --> 01:19:38,869
multiple pages and a couple of different viewpoints

2246
01:19:38,869 --> 01:19:40,010
and a lot of action.

2247
01:19:40,390 --> 01:19:41,449
It will likely

2248
01:19:41,845 --> 01:19:43,604
wrap up way too quickly. For all this

2249
01:19:43,604 --> 01:19:44,564
for all this buildup

2250
01:19:47,444 --> 01:19:49,604
thank you, Tayceu. Tayceu is now naming my

2251
01:19:49,604 --> 01:19:50,104
fictional,

2252
01:19:50,965 --> 01:19:54,024
pretend podcast. I see that. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

2253
01:19:55,125 --> 01:19:56,484
Yeah. I don't know. I just

2254
01:19:57,390 --> 01:19:58,770
but I'm enjoying it.

2255
01:20:00,429 --> 01:20:02,350
This is a series that I might actually

2256
01:20:02,350 --> 01:20:04,109
have to, like, take a day or two

2257
01:20:04,109 --> 01:20:06,029
break away from reading to, like, get my

2258
01:20:06,029 --> 01:20:08,050
bearings again because just

2259
01:20:08,510 --> 01:20:10,270
there's just enough that I'm like, what is

2260
01:20:10,270 --> 01:20:11,969
happening here? Why is that happening?

2261
01:20:12,765 --> 01:20:15,725
Why? Why is that happening? Also You're getting

2262
01:20:15,725 --> 01:20:16,225
encouragement.

2263
01:20:17,085 --> 01:20:17,904
Yeah. Of course.

2264
01:20:20,444 --> 01:20:20,944
Also,

2265
01:20:21,965 --> 01:20:23,725
I'm looking for recommendations. I need to go

2266
01:20:23,725 --> 01:20:25,119
put it in our Discord too. I'm looking

2267
01:20:25,119 --> 01:20:27,060
for recommendations. I fucking love

2268
01:20:27,760 --> 01:20:30,720
why choose? I love fantasy elements. Like, whether

2269
01:20:30,720 --> 01:20:33,119
it's paranormal or it's, like, the fae and

2270
01:20:33,119 --> 01:20:34,579
demons and what whatever.

2271
01:20:35,360 --> 01:20:36,720
I would like all of that, but I

2272
01:20:36,720 --> 01:20:37,940
would like the sex

2273
01:20:38,560 --> 01:20:40,854
and the interactions between the characters to be

2274
01:20:40,854 --> 01:20:42,614
kinky. I am tired of them trying to

2275
01:20:42,614 --> 01:20:44,635
tell me how dominant this partner is.

2276
01:20:44,935 --> 01:20:47,335
No baby, he's not. He's not big D

2277
01:20:47,335 --> 01:20:48,795
dominant. Little D dominant.

2278
01:20:49,255 --> 01:20:50,395
Not big D dominant.

2279
01:20:50,854 --> 01:20:51,354
Because

2280
01:20:52,054 --> 01:20:53,114
a lot of

2281
01:20:53,439 --> 01:20:55,760
the BDSM stuff I find, it's contemporary. I

2282
01:20:55,760 --> 01:20:57,599
don't really like contemporary. I am trying to

2283
01:20:57,599 --> 01:21:00,079
get out of the real world. Okay? When

2284
01:21:00,079 --> 01:21:02,479
I am reading, please don't put me in

2285
01:21:02,479 --> 01:21:04,739
21st century anywhere. Okay?

2286
01:21:05,875 --> 01:21:07,795
Quite frankly, don't put me in anything from

2287
01:21:07,795 --> 01:21:08,295
1979,

2288
01:21:09,154 --> 01:21:11,154
to present because that's my lifetime and that's

2289
01:21:11,154 --> 01:21:13,074
too close to home. No. No. I'll take

2290
01:21:13,074 --> 01:21:13,574
historical.

2291
01:21:14,274 --> 01:21:14,935
I'll take

2292
01:21:15,474 --> 01:21:17,954
not of this universe, 5.09. I'll take pure

2293
01:21:17,954 --> 01:21:19,335
fantasy, couldn't be our world.

2294
01:21:19,954 --> 01:21:21,979
I just I I love why choose. That

2295
01:21:21,979 --> 01:21:24,539
should be that should be so fucking jinky.

2296
01:21:24,539 --> 01:21:27,100
Kinky, why choose? That's like that's like my

2297
01:21:27,100 --> 01:21:28,159
wet dream. Like,

2298
01:21:28,699 --> 01:21:29,840
a couple of, like,

2299
01:21:30,380 --> 01:21:33,100
characters of any gender who are, like, battling

2300
01:21:33,100 --> 01:21:35,280
for, like, the top and Dom energy.

2301
01:21:35,954 --> 01:21:37,635
We read that I read that one series.

2302
01:21:37,635 --> 01:21:39,635
It was a dystopian thing. And it did

2303
01:21:39,635 --> 01:21:42,034
it. It was all the men were dominant

2304
01:21:42,034 --> 01:21:43,335
except one was Switchy.

2305
01:21:43,715 --> 01:21:45,314
And so he wanted to dominate the female

2306
01:21:45,314 --> 01:21:46,755
main character, but he submitted for one of

2307
01:21:46,755 --> 01:21:49,000
the other characters. And the like, the energy

2308
01:21:49,000 --> 01:21:50,460
was so good.

2309
01:21:52,920 --> 01:21:55,100
You just saw the pilot episode, folks.

2310
01:21:57,720 --> 01:21:58,780
I don't know.

2311
01:22:01,774 --> 01:22:04,655
I don't know how much value me yelling

2312
01:22:04,655 --> 01:22:06,755
into a microphone for however long

2313
01:22:07,135 --> 01:22:08,515
without naming a book.

2314
01:22:11,135 --> 01:22:13,314
Don't get characters' name. Anyway,

2315
01:22:14,255 --> 01:22:14,755
fantasy,

2316
01:22:15,454 --> 01:22:15,954
historical,

2317
01:22:18,000 --> 01:22:18,500
paranormal.

2318
01:22:19,280 --> 01:22:20,739
I'll take dystopian futuristic.

2319
01:22:21,840 --> 01:22:23,380
Not not contemporary.

2320
01:22:24,319 --> 01:22:24,819
Romance?

2321
01:22:25,359 --> 01:22:26,180
Why choose

2322
01:22:27,520 --> 01:22:28,020
kinky?

2323
01:22:33,965 --> 01:22:36,284
That's what I'm looking for. That's like and

2324
01:22:36,284 --> 01:22:38,844
well written. Like, please do not let the

2325
01:22:38,844 --> 01:22:41,005
cum just be seeping out around the giant

2326
01:22:41,005 --> 01:22:43,104
massive could hurt somebody dick

2327
01:22:43,564 --> 01:22:46,465
that she manages to take so fucking well.

2328
01:22:50,350 --> 01:22:50,850
Anyway.

2329
01:22:52,510 --> 01:22:54,050
Anyway. On that note.

2330
01:22:55,229 --> 01:22:56,130
On that note.

2331
01:22:57,149 --> 01:22:59,550
We'll see. I mean, it wasn't the rant

2332
01:22:59,550 --> 01:23:00,625
that I intended.

2333
01:23:02,445 --> 01:23:04,125
But it was a rant anyway. I do

2334
01:23:04,125 --> 01:23:06,465
feel cleansed. I do feel cleansed. Yeah. Yeah.

2335
01:23:08,284 --> 01:23:10,765
I love Katie Robert Emily. Thank you, Midnight

2336
01:23:11,005 --> 01:23:12,925
I think do I own Midnight Ruin? I

2337
01:23:12,925 --> 01:23:13,905
have part of

2338
01:23:14,284 --> 01:23:16,829
I own part of one of her series.

2339
01:23:17,930 --> 01:23:19,689
I don't know if I own Midnight Ruin.

2340
01:23:19,689 --> 01:23:20,350
I might.

2341
01:23:20,890 --> 01:23:22,989
For a while I was collecting physical books.

2342
01:23:23,130 --> 01:23:23,949
Katie Roberts'

2343
01:23:24,329 --> 01:23:26,649
main series, from Neon Gods and Electric

2344
01:23:27,369 --> 01:23:29,369
that one. I started collecting the physical books

2345
01:23:29,369 --> 01:23:31,654
and then I became unable to read physical

2346
01:23:31,654 --> 01:23:33,335
books, the glasses I have and the lighting

2347
01:23:33,335 --> 01:23:34,694
I have. And we have now fixed all

2348
01:23:34,694 --> 01:23:35,814
of that. I have better lighting in the

2349
01:23:35,814 --> 01:23:37,894
living room. I have I have learned I'll

2350
01:23:37,894 --> 01:23:39,414
just take my fucking glasses off and just

2351
01:23:39,414 --> 01:23:41,014
hold it, like, 6 inches away from my

2352
01:23:41,014 --> 01:23:43,014
nose and read just fine. So I can

2353
01:23:43,014 --> 01:23:44,635
start reading that series again

2354
01:23:46,210 --> 01:23:48,130
and maybe collecting and to own the whole

2355
01:23:48,130 --> 01:23:50,710
series because Katie Roberts Katie Roberts writes.

2356
01:23:51,890 --> 01:23:53,649
Neon Gods is the first book in one

2357
01:23:53,649 --> 01:23:56,050
of her series. I've also read because it's

2358
01:23:56,050 --> 01:23:58,130
on Kindle Unlimited. There's a series she did

2359
01:23:58,130 --> 01:24:00,609
about demons, and there's the demon king. He's

2360
01:24:00,609 --> 01:24:02,674
trying to keep his I can't remember what

2361
01:24:02,674 --> 01:24:04,820
the name of the series is. But in

2362
01:24:04,820 --> 01:24:06,966
the final book of the series, the big

2363
01:24:06,966 --> 01:24:09,112
bad demon king, I cannot remember his name.

2364
01:24:09,112 --> 01:24:11,257
He's a daddy dom demon, and it is

2365
01:24:11,257 --> 01:24:13,403
delightful. It is delightful. I like that series.

2366
01:24:13,403 --> 01:24:15,548
Cannot remember what that series is called. This

2367
01:24:15,548 --> 01:24:17,770
is why I can't do anything with books.

2368
01:24:17,770 --> 01:24:19,149
How am I gonna be helpful?

2369
01:24:23,050 --> 01:24:24,750
Okay. Anyway. Anywho

2370
01:24:25,289 --> 01:24:27,289
A silence like Kayla's asking for a unicorn

2371
01:24:27,289 --> 01:24:28,750
author now. Yes. I am.

2372
01:24:29,335 --> 01:24:29,835
Okay.

2373
01:24:31,014 --> 01:24:33,335
We're gonna go Yep. And let the rest

2374
01:24:33,335 --> 01:24:35,354
of our chaos commence. Mhmm.

2375
01:24:36,054 --> 01:24:39,006
And, I really hope podcast listeners you're gonna

2376
01:24:39,006 --> 01:24:40,865
get to hear the sound

2377
01:24:41,246 --> 01:24:43,186
of her voice this week.

2378
01:24:44,365 --> 01:24:46,865
I really hope so. Okay. We'll go. Okay.

2379
01:24:47,006 --> 01:24:48,066
Bye y'all. Bye.