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You're listening to the Loving BDSM podcast episode

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426.

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Kayla Lords here with the one, the only,

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the guy who lets me get away with

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very damn little.

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Tom Braustach.

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He'll be calling me out of my bullshit

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all the time. I do. I do.

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I do.

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It's part of what makes us work.

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That's why this is a thing that it

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is.

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Speaking of that, kind of, like, on topic,

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this week, we're gonna talk about the concept

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of obedience in submissives

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in power exchange.

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Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this

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is your first time listening, glad to have

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you. If you're back for another week, welcome

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back. Loving BDSM is produced every Monday Friday

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for your kinky pleasure in education, and show

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notes are found at lovingbdsm.net.

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Come back often and feel free to add

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the podcast to your favorite podcast app. You

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can also follow the show on Fetlife at

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lovingbdsmpc

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on, technically, Instagram and threads.

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That handle I will forever fucking hate.

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Loving d s and the number one. So

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it's at loving d s one.

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On blue sky,

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at loving BDSM dot some other

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letters,

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whatever. Loving BDSM. You'll find us. It'll be

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fine. Or on YouTube at youtube.com/loving

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BDSM, where you can watch us live stream

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the podcast every Wednesday. All links are in

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the show notes. You can't ask an existential

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question right before you hit a button and

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we start recording.

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I now have thoughts, but people who were

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not here for it won't know what the

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heck I'm talking about.

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Anyway Right.

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Before we get into this week's topic,

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another reminder

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that we are in the middle of our

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Patreon membership drive. It goes runs, from from

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the beginning of January through February 15th. If

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you join during this time,

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you get, some goodies,

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sent to you specific

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for being a member during the membership drive.

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Everybody at any tier level is gonna get

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the workbook I'm currently writing and working on

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on communication

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in Power Exchange or BDSM,

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which will be workbook with some references, with

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some information, but mostly workbook.

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And if you're in the $10

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or higher tier,

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you will get an exclusive

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enamel pin, p I n pin, that I

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just finalized the design. Mhmm. Looks good. I

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finalized it between you and me.

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The the pin

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maker might be like, we gotta tweak this.

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We gotta tweak that. But they would be

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small tweaks. Mhmm. I'm gonna be putting that

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pin, p I n pin design out on

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socials,

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soon ish, but it is posted in Patreon

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for members to see. There you go.

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And if you sign up during the annual

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no. If you sign up during the membership

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drive as an annual member, meaning you pay

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one time instead of a monthly subscription, you

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get 2 months free,

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which means you pay for 10 months and

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get 12 months of access. Links are in

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the places to learn more.

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We

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love it when folks who can afford to

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do so, we know that's not always true

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for everybody,

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are able to come join our community. The

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support

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makes a big difference. Mhmm.

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There have been times in our lives when

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the our Patreon supporters

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were paying our helping to pay our electric

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bill.

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It's like, kept the lights on.

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So yeah. And, yeah, the the support we

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received through Patreon

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is, you know, in part why we can

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then focus on the kinkery, and we can

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focus on this stuff, and we can do

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all these things. Otherwise,

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one of us will be getting a part

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time job.

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So, yeah, that is all I'm gonna say

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about that. You can join at any point

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throughout the year, but the membership drive for

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the extras,

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gotta do that by February 15th. And we,

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and it's been nice seeing new folks popping

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into the Discord server.

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It has. You know, we're those of us

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who've been in it for a while, obviously,

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we've been in it since the beginning. But

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folks who've, like, been around since we created

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our Discord or whatever or have just been

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a member for more than 5 minutes, we're,

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like, all in our old, like, patterns and

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habits. And so we'll say good morning like

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we're all past in a water cooler at

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the office.

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We don't necessarily get into crazy conversations, but

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when we get, like, fresh folks in her

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you know? Mhmm. Not just going to the

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water cooler to say hi to folks. Yeah.

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You know, we get some interesting conversations.

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And,

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apparently, there's loving BDSM lore.

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I would not have called it that because

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I don't think of those terms, but the

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bacon debate.

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Yeah. And if you know what that is,

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you know. And if you know Yep. Yep.

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Yep.

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There's only one type of accept,

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allowable bacon, and it is crunchy crispy. That's

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the only kind. And Andre, yeah, we are

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missing,

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some of our mods, but I'm I'm the

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backup mod if necessary Oh, yeah. On the

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livestream. Okay. So let's get into

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the topic. How did we have podcasts for

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10 years? 420

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some odd episodes and never actually talk about

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the concept of obedience. I think that was

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kind of a

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subconscious,

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You know, you give me so much shit

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about trying to say I'm not very obedient,

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and we're gonna get to this. I have

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notes, y'all.

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Okay. Do you want

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unquestioning

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obedience?

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Sometimes,

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references, and I don't love this term, but

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references blind obedience. And I'm just not built

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that way,

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but we're gonna talk about that when we

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get to it. Not. And yet and yet,

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you know all I wanna be is your

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good girl. Right. Which means I wanna do

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what I'm told.

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Yeah. Yeah. I just have questions first. We

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will get to that. So let's start with

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I don't like to say anything is, like,

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universal other than things like consent communication.

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But obedience is part of the submissive experience.

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However,

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it

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appears

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in the submissive partner and also the power

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exchange, that could be different and unique from

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person to person. But I do think some

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level of obedience

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is just kind of like the standard norm

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for submission.

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If

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you're whether the obedience is forced,

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whether consensually

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Yeah. Or it's freely given and quickly and,

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you know, unquestioningly

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and and everything else within that kind of

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spectrum of what obedience could be. I I

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think I think that's a core tenant of

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submission,

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obeying the the dominant partner in your life.

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That's just part of it.

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So one level, I get why we wouldn't

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talk about obedience as its own separate concept

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because it's like talking about submission as its

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own separate concept. Mhmm.

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That being said, I I do wanna take

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the conversation about obedience

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seriously.

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You know, some of us have thoughts.

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So

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so that we're all on the same page,

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I was like, okay. How does, like, the

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the non kink world

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define obedience? Like, what's the actual dictionary definition?

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And the one I found that I liked

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the best is

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compliance with an order, request, or law, or

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submission to another's authority.

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Tada. We've just described

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submission

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and power exchange.

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You know, compliance

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in in however, like, the law well, for

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power exchange, that's a rule. A request, that

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would be when you you set me a

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task, an order is an order. I think

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we all know what that probably means for

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us as individuals. So, yeah,

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it's compliance. It's submission. It's it's the it's

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the solid foundation

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of what submission is.

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Now I was like, okay. I have personal

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thoughts about obedience from my perspective. And so

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I was

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like, does, like, the the not just kink

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word, like, the psychological world psychology? Y'all know

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what I mean.

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Do they have definitions or ways of describing

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it? And, yes, they do. And I linked

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to my resources in the places if you

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wanna read more about it. So,

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in psychology,

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there are apparently 2 types of obedience. I

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do not know how

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widely agreed upon this is, but I felt

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like the source I had was,

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a reliable one.

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So there's constructive

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obedience,

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which involves behaviors that promote social harmony and

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the greater good of society.

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So if I'm gonna extrapolate that down

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extrapolate or narrow? Whatever. To power exchange.

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You know, social harmony and the good of

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society, that's the stuff you agree to do,

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but to keep the relationship going that you

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want it to be. Those things I think

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can change. And I think

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between individuals in a a power dynamic,

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that obedience can absolutely

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be negotiated and can be more easily negotiated.

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Whereas in society, where we're talking policy changes

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and law changes and politics and lots of

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stuff that yeah. Not not easy in the

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year of our lord 2025.

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Okay. So then destructive obedience

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Mhmm. Is the acceptance of request the second

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type. Is the acceptance of request from an

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authority that is immoral, illegal, or harmful in

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some way.

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And I was like, okay. How can I

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what's the word I want? I don't know.

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Extrapolate it to power exchange.

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To me, a destructive obedience would be and

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we can all have our opinion here.

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It's

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the,

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submission to and obeying

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a dom that is has not negotiated, has

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not earned the right,

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is the the air quote dom, is the

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abuser, is you know what I mean? Blind

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obedience.

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Which yeah. Unquestioning is the term I'm I'm

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preferring personally. But, yes, blind obedience without question,

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without stopping to go, do this does this

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person deserve it? Did they earn it? Are

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they asking me to do things that I'm

273
00:09:37,125 --> 00:09:39,044
safe to do? Mhmm. Right? They keep my

274
00:09:39,044 --> 00:09:40,884
body, my mind as safe as you can

275
00:09:40,884 --> 00:09:43,524
be in a risky thing like BDSM. Like,

276
00:09:43,524 --> 00:09:44,184
you know?

277
00:09:44,965 --> 00:09:46,985
So yeah. So I was like, okay. Constructive

278
00:09:47,125 --> 00:09:49,544
obedience, destructive obedience. Those are not

279
00:09:50,004 --> 00:09:50,504
perfect

280
00:09:50,884 --> 00:09:51,471
one to one things for describing obedience in

281
00:09:51,471 --> 00:09:52,355
submission in power exchange, but,

282
00:10:06,700 --> 00:10:09,184
resource, they they talked about factors that impact

283
00:10:09,184 --> 00:10:09,684
obedience.

284
00:10:10,225 --> 00:10:11,985
Okay. And I thought this was interesting. So

285
00:10:11,985 --> 00:10:12,884
there's personality,

286
00:10:13,504 --> 00:10:16,784
conscientiousness, and agreeableness linked to obedience. I think

287
00:10:16,784 --> 00:10:19,205
this is the people this is not universally

288
00:10:19,345 --> 00:10:21,365
true. There are nuances here.

289
00:10:21,889 --> 00:10:23,730
But if you are the type that wants

290
00:10:23,730 --> 00:10:26,210
to be obedient, that, you know, wants to

291
00:10:26,210 --> 00:10:26,710
submit,

292
00:10:27,730 --> 00:10:29,669
you're probably gonna have that personality,

293
00:10:29,970 --> 00:10:30,710
not always,

294
00:10:31,090 --> 00:10:33,250
of some level of agreeableness to do what

295
00:10:33,250 --> 00:10:35,570
somebody else says. Now I just wanna remind

296
00:10:35,570 --> 00:10:37,264
folks out there that just because I am

297
00:10:37,264 --> 00:10:40,065
obedient to JB does not mean I'm obedient

298
00:10:40,065 --> 00:10:41,824
to any fucking body else. And that's true

299
00:10:41,824 --> 00:10:44,384
for any submissive. Mhmm. It is a thing

300
00:10:44,384 --> 00:10:46,884
that is earned and negotiated and

301
00:10:47,184 --> 00:10:49,720
done ideally through trust and with safety and

302
00:10:49,919 --> 00:10:52,259
Yeah. Risk awareness, all of that in mind.

303
00:10:52,320 --> 00:10:55,120
So it's need stuff. Right. But there there

304
00:10:55,120 --> 00:10:57,600
is that, you know, that take, I think,

305
00:10:57,600 --> 00:10:59,139
that there are some people

306
00:11:00,159 --> 00:11:01,919
who recognize in them. So I'm one of

307
00:11:01,919 --> 00:11:03,464
them. This is who I am. I am

308
00:11:03,464 --> 00:11:04,684
a submissive person

309
00:11:05,225 --> 00:11:07,065
in a relationship with a person who has

310
00:11:07,065 --> 00:11:08,825
earned it and wants it. Right? It's not

311
00:11:08,825 --> 00:11:10,745
to everybody. I tried that. That was very

312
00:11:10,745 --> 00:11:11,964
harmful to me.

313
00:11:12,264 --> 00:11:14,985
I got into some bad toxic situations, not

314
00:11:14,985 --> 00:11:18,279
relationships, but work and, well, relationships too. You

315
00:11:18,279 --> 00:11:20,679
know? And if you don't know that part

316
00:11:20,679 --> 00:11:22,379
about yourself and you're trying

317
00:11:23,559 --> 00:11:25,000
to fulfill a need you have that you

318
00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:27,319
do not have language for, I don't care

319
00:11:27,319 --> 00:11:29,004
what side of the slash you're on, You

320
00:11:29,004 --> 00:11:31,404
could find yourself in situations where you're getting

321
00:11:31,404 --> 00:11:33,404
a little bit of what you need, but

322
00:11:33,404 --> 00:11:35,084
it's not good for you. Right? Like, I

323
00:11:35,084 --> 00:11:37,345
was a great executive assistant

324
00:11:37,964 --> 00:11:39,664
for a shitty, shitty boss.

325
00:11:40,605 --> 00:11:42,800
I the way I worked for that man,

326
00:11:42,800 --> 00:11:44,000
not for the paycheck. I mean, yeah, I

327
00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:45,600
worked for the paycheck, but not that wasn't

328
00:11:45,600 --> 00:11:47,759
why I was so fucking good at it.

329
00:11:47,759 --> 00:11:49,680
I was good at it because I got

330
00:11:49,680 --> 00:11:52,560
the corporate equivalent of good girls all the

331
00:11:52,560 --> 00:11:53,540
fucking time.

332
00:11:53,914 --> 00:11:56,394
But I let myself be taken advantage of,

333
00:11:56,394 --> 00:11:58,875
and I didn't know my own worth. And

334
00:11:58,875 --> 00:11:59,375
also,

335
00:12:00,954 --> 00:12:02,875
the moment I could get that scratched itch

336
00:12:02,875 --> 00:12:04,975
in a legitimate consensual,

337
00:12:06,875 --> 00:12:08,714
you know, way that honors who I am

338
00:12:08,714 --> 00:12:10,850
as a person, I could not work for

339
00:12:10,850 --> 00:12:12,950
another soul again in my life.

340
00:12:15,410 --> 00:12:16,290
I'm sure there's,

341
00:12:16,850 --> 00:12:17,570
there's some,

342
00:12:18,850 --> 00:12:20,230
some something some psychoanalysis

343
00:12:20,610 --> 00:12:22,950
to be done on that. So another factor

344
00:12:23,090 --> 00:12:24,389
is this one's interesting.

345
00:12:25,524 --> 00:12:26,024
Psychological

346
00:12:26,565 --> 00:12:28,884
distance from the effect of obedience. I don't

347
00:12:28,884 --> 00:12:31,304
know that there's a one to one relationship

348
00:12:31,445 --> 00:12:34,105
to power exchange, but this in general, obedience

349
00:12:34,165 --> 00:12:34,825
in general.

350
00:12:35,285 --> 00:12:37,445
It may be, people may be more likely

351
00:12:37,445 --> 00:12:40,809
to obey if it seems abstract or unconnected

352
00:12:40,870 --> 00:12:41,610
to you.

353
00:12:42,790 --> 00:12:44,570
I think that can sometimes

354
00:12:44,950 --> 00:12:45,450
explain

355
00:12:46,070 --> 00:12:48,070
some of the crazy shit we see in

356
00:12:48,070 --> 00:12:48,570
life.

357
00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:49,769
Personally,

358
00:12:50,149 --> 00:12:50,629
I'm not

359
00:12:51,615 --> 00:12:53,294
I don't think that one has a good

360
00:12:53,294 --> 00:12:56,414
correlation in my experience to submission because I

361
00:12:56,414 --> 00:12:58,495
am more likely to submit when I know

362
00:12:58,495 --> 00:13:00,654
what it's about, and it's not abstract, and

363
00:13:00,654 --> 00:13:02,274
it's real to me. Right?

364
00:13:04,320 --> 00:13:04,820
Ambiguity

365
00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:06,660
or lack of information.

366
00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:09,360
This is a double edged sword. So factors

367
00:13:09,360 --> 00:13:10,980
of that impact obedience.

368
00:13:11,600 --> 00:13:13,759
Sometimes you're more likely to obey if the

369
00:13:13,759 --> 00:13:16,125
other person seems to know more than you.

370
00:13:16,284 --> 00:13:18,524
That also explains a lot about the world

371
00:13:18,524 --> 00:13:19,024
today.

372
00:13:19,804 --> 00:13:21,245
But I think it's a double edged sword

373
00:13:21,245 --> 00:13:22,304
of power exchange.

374
00:13:23,164 --> 00:13:25,345
Mhmm. I am the type of person

375
00:13:26,205 --> 00:13:28,284
I know, love, trust you. You have more

376
00:13:28,284 --> 00:13:30,065
of my trust than any human being

377
00:13:30,710 --> 00:13:33,110
on this planet has ever had or will

378
00:13:33,110 --> 00:13:34,090
ever have.

379
00:13:36,870 --> 00:13:37,370
But

380
00:13:39,830 --> 00:13:41,769
But I do not go into it.

381
00:13:42,309 --> 00:13:43,750
There are times I really we're gonna get

382
00:13:43,750 --> 00:13:45,690
into this when we're talking about actual obedience.

383
00:13:45,934 --> 00:13:47,615
That I there are times I want to

384
00:13:47,615 --> 00:13:50,254
just obey without question. There are times I

385
00:13:50,254 --> 00:13:52,014
wish I could when I I can feel

386
00:13:52,014 --> 00:13:53,394
myself not able to.

387
00:13:54,014 --> 00:13:56,975
But, also, I am aware that you're fallible

388
00:13:56,975 --> 00:13:59,475
as a human being because we all are.

389
00:13:59,534 --> 00:14:00,995
Mhmm. And so

390
00:14:01,879 --> 00:14:04,360
if you know more about something than me,

391
00:14:04,360 --> 00:14:06,059
I actually have more questions.

392
00:14:06,440 --> 00:14:08,600
That's right. And so I'm gonna need a

393
00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:11,000
greater understanding of a thing before I can

394
00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:11,740
obey. Like,

395
00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:13,879
tell me about it. Explain it to me.

396
00:14:13,879 --> 00:14:16,600
Give me context. Not everybody's like that. Yes.

397
00:14:16,600 --> 00:14:18,985
I know I'm exhausting. It's fine.

398
00:14:19,445 --> 00:14:22,004
But that's what I need to be able

399
00:14:22,004 --> 00:14:23,764
to obey. Whereas there are some people who

400
00:14:23,764 --> 00:14:24,965
are like, oh, you seem to be an

401
00:14:24,965 --> 00:14:25,465
authority.

402
00:14:28,325 --> 00:14:30,004
I'm just I'm just thinking of all the

403
00:14:30,004 --> 00:14:32,179
news. I'm not, watching or reading.

404
00:14:32,720 --> 00:14:34,320
You seem to be an authority, so I

405
00:14:34,320 --> 00:14:36,419
will I will obey what you say because

406
00:14:36,559 --> 00:14:38,559
I don't know enough. You clearly know more

407
00:14:38,559 --> 00:14:40,320
than I do clearly, Eric. Well, I can

408
00:14:40,320 --> 00:14:42,159
see how that could possibly be a thing

409
00:14:42,159 --> 00:14:43,139
because, you know,

410
00:14:44,159 --> 00:14:45,940
when we first started reading it,

411
00:14:46,514 --> 00:14:48,774
first thought is, well, okay, you know, that

412
00:14:48,835 --> 00:14:49,495
that means,

413
00:14:50,355 --> 00:14:51,575
the per whoever

414
00:14:51,955 --> 00:14:54,035
is submitting, they don't need to be weighed

415
00:14:54,035 --> 00:14:55,254
down by all the,

416
00:14:56,355 --> 00:14:57,254
you know, little

417
00:14:58,274 --> 00:15:00,970
details. They just need to do their part

418
00:15:01,269 --> 00:15:03,110
and, you know And I think for many

419
00:15:03,110 --> 00:15:05,910
submissives, that is the freedom. You don't have

420
00:15:05,910 --> 00:15:08,550
to know. Right. You can just go with

421
00:15:08,550 --> 00:15:10,710
the person who the person who knows more

422
00:15:10,710 --> 00:15:12,309
than you or has decided these things or

423
00:15:12,309 --> 00:15:14,470
is in charge, AKA dominance is what we're

424
00:15:14,470 --> 00:15:15,105
talking about.

425
00:15:16,544 --> 00:15:18,225
And, yeah, let's just get we're just talking

426
00:15:18,225 --> 00:15:19,284
about dominance here.

427
00:15:20,544 --> 00:15:22,945
That that's like the weight being relieved of

428
00:15:22,945 --> 00:15:24,964
I don't have to think of the thing.

429
00:15:25,504 --> 00:15:27,424
You can think of the thing. I have

430
00:15:27,424 --> 00:15:29,620
thoughts about why that is so difficult for

431
00:15:29,620 --> 00:15:32,659
me, especially now, and we'll get there. And

432
00:15:32,659 --> 00:15:34,120
why I wish I could

433
00:15:34,980 --> 00:15:37,379
be softer with my obedience. And we'll get

434
00:15:37,379 --> 00:15:38,659
there in the I'm just trying to get

435
00:15:38,659 --> 00:15:39,320
through definitions.

436
00:15:39,779 --> 00:15:40,514
Here's the one

437
00:15:41,154 --> 00:15:43,575
here's the one that spoke to my submissive

438
00:15:43,795 --> 00:15:47,174
soul as a factor that impacts obedience

439
00:15:47,634 --> 00:15:49,815
to the, like, general and psychological

440
00:15:51,075 --> 00:15:52,774
whatever. Fear of consequences.

441
00:15:54,570 --> 00:15:56,910
Many people obey because they fear consequences.

442
00:15:57,290 --> 00:15:58,889
You know? People who don't wanna wear their

443
00:15:58,889 --> 00:16:00,090
seat belt, but they do because they don't

444
00:16:00,090 --> 00:16:02,490
want the ticket. Also, let's not cause accidents

445
00:16:02,490 --> 00:16:04,330
that cause too much harm. People who, you

446
00:16:04,330 --> 00:16:05,370
know, get their

447
00:16:06,250 --> 00:16:08,090
have their driver's license. People who, you know,

448
00:16:08,090 --> 00:16:10,029
people who follow the rules because of consequences.

449
00:16:10,835 --> 00:16:12,835
Jail, lack of freedom, the lack of the

450
00:16:12,835 --> 00:16:14,115
ability to do a thing you wanna do.

451
00:16:14,115 --> 00:16:15,415
There's a consequence. Right?

452
00:16:16,274 --> 00:16:18,835
And power exchange, we talk about consequences all

453
00:16:18,835 --> 00:16:19,495
the time.

454
00:16:20,115 --> 00:16:21,815
Because if you're talking about

455
00:16:22,355 --> 00:16:25,475
a submissive doing a thing or not doing

456
00:16:25,475 --> 00:16:26,134
a thing

457
00:16:26,649 --> 00:16:27,929
that they agree to and that's what the

458
00:16:27,929 --> 00:16:28,830
dominant wants,

459
00:16:29,289 --> 00:16:31,210
my question always turns to, but how do

460
00:16:31,210 --> 00:16:32,649
you, like, what do you do if they

461
00:16:32,649 --> 00:16:34,269
don't? What what's the solution?

462
00:16:34,730 --> 00:16:36,730
Solution tends to be consequences. And so when

463
00:16:36,730 --> 00:16:38,909
people are like, what should the consequences be?

464
00:16:39,210 --> 00:16:41,470
Our advice is whatever your submissive

465
00:16:42,014 --> 00:16:44,095
wants to avoid the most that they would

466
00:16:44,095 --> 00:16:46,034
consent to have happen to them. Right. Right?

467
00:16:46,334 --> 00:16:48,414
So, yeah, fair consequences, that's an easy one.

468
00:16:48,414 --> 00:16:50,014
That's like a, oh, yeah. We know about

469
00:16:50,014 --> 00:16:52,495
that. Power exchange is all about that. Power

470
00:16:52,495 --> 00:16:53,554
exchange with,

471
00:16:53,970 --> 00:16:54,709
you know,

472
00:16:55,169 --> 00:16:58,289
a submissive following rules is kinda counting to

473
00:16:58,289 --> 00:16:58,970
some degree

474
00:16:59,409 --> 00:17:01,029
Mhmm. On that fear of consequences.

475
00:17:02,209 --> 00:17:04,130
But it's not fear of consequences like the

476
00:17:04,130 --> 00:17:06,049
worst possible things that can happen in life.

477
00:17:06,049 --> 00:17:07,730
It's like you might have to go to

478
00:17:07,730 --> 00:17:09,704
bed early. You might not get to go

479
00:17:09,704 --> 00:17:11,704
do a thing you wanna do. You might

480
00:17:11,704 --> 00:17:13,784
not get an orgasm. You might get a

481
00:17:13,784 --> 00:17:14,105
spank

482
00:17:14,825 --> 00:17:17,865
like, it's it's that kind of stuff. Right?

483
00:17:17,865 --> 00:17:20,684
Okay. Mhmm. So that is kind of the

484
00:17:20,744 --> 00:17:23,865
rundown of obedience from a very vanilla and

485
00:17:23,865 --> 00:17:26,690
very broad perspective with some of the points

486
00:17:26,690 --> 00:17:27,349
I could

487
00:17:27,809 --> 00:17:29,490
find that I'm like, oh, yeah. That speaks

488
00:17:29,490 --> 00:17:31,329
to me from a on a from a

489
00:17:31,329 --> 00:17:33,889
power exchange point of view. And I think

490
00:17:33,889 --> 00:17:34,549
we all

491
00:17:34,929 --> 00:17:36,149
will have our own

492
00:17:37,384 --> 00:17:39,965
sort of takes on that because of either

493
00:17:40,105 --> 00:17:41,404
from a dominant perspective,

494
00:17:41,865 --> 00:17:43,865
whether you're a switch or you're a dominant

495
00:17:43,865 --> 00:17:46,184
top, what kind of obedience you want, what

496
00:17:46,184 --> 00:17:48,424
kind of you what kind you prefer from

497
00:17:48,424 --> 00:17:50,220
a partner, what you've seen in the past,

498
00:17:50,299 --> 00:17:51,980
but also as a submissive who it's our

499
00:17:51,980 --> 00:17:53,919
job to obey on some level.

500
00:17:54,299 --> 00:17:56,220
Like, I know what kind of submissive I

501
00:17:56,220 --> 00:17:58,799
would love to be, and that's the unquestioning

502
00:17:59,179 --> 00:18:01,519
obedience, the aka blind obedience.

503
00:18:02,924 --> 00:18:04,945
But I also think that kind of obedience

504
00:18:05,005 --> 00:18:07,825
has a danger, an inherent danger to it,

505
00:18:08,285 --> 00:18:10,065
which is why it's so hard for me.

506
00:18:10,125 --> 00:18:11,345
And I'm so anxious.

507
00:18:13,005 --> 00:18:14,144
But, you know,

508
00:18:15,725 --> 00:18:16,305
I think

509
00:18:16,849 --> 00:18:18,230
from a submissive perspective,

510
00:18:19,009 --> 00:18:19,509
understanding

511
00:18:20,369 --> 00:18:22,230
how I feel about

512
00:18:22,849 --> 00:18:23,349
obedience

513
00:18:23,730 --> 00:18:25,029
and being obedient

514
00:18:26,049 --> 00:18:27,269
makes it easier

515
00:18:27,570 --> 00:18:30,070
to talk to you and explain to you

516
00:18:30,404 --> 00:18:33,125
when you especially when you get frustrated with

517
00:18:33,125 --> 00:18:33,625
me

518
00:18:33,924 --> 00:18:35,445
because all you want me to do is

519
00:18:35,445 --> 00:18:36,585
go, yes, daddy.

520
00:18:38,404 --> 00:18:40,325
And sometimes I can, and I will, and

521
00:18:40,325 --> 00:18:42,025
I want to, and sometimes I cannot.

522
00:18:42,325 --> 00:18:44,805
And I think from if you're submissive who

523
00:18:44,805 --> 00:18:46,950
kind of can relate to this idea of

524
00:18:46,950 --> 00:18:48,950
sometimes you can and sometimes you cannot, I

525
00:18:48,950 --> 00:18:51,210
think it's worth a little bit of introspective.

526
00:18:51,349 --> 00:18:53,430
Okay. Like, what does that make me what

527
00:18:53,430 --> 00:18:54,250
am I feeling?

528
00:18:54,549 --> 00:18:55,529
Mhmm. You know?

529
00:18:55,910 --> 00:18:57,670
Do I have an idea of why I

530
00:18:57,670 --> 00:18:59,365
can go back and forth between the 2

531
00:18:59,365 --> 00:19:01,684
or I can you know? Not all brats,

532
00:19:01,684 --> 00:19:02,345
but certainly

533
00:19:03,045 --> 00:19:04,265
brats some brats,

534
00:19:04,565 --> 00:19:06,884
they'll obey, but only when you make them.

535
00:19:06,884 --> 00:19:08,644
Right. Not even brats. There are just some

536
00:19:08,644 --> 00:19:11,204
submissive types out there that would not even

537
00:19:11,204 --> 00:19:12,990
fall under the category of brat necessarily. They'll

538
00:19:14,750 --> 00:19:16,670
obey once you prove you're strong enough to

539
00:19:16,670 --> 00:19:17,650
make them obey.

540
00:19:18,349 --> 00:19:20,029
That's a valid form, but I think we

541
00:19:20,029 --> 00:19:21,170
all could use,

542
00:19:21,710 --> 00:19:23,549
you know, a little bit of introspection and

543
00:19:23,549 --> 00:19:24,929
do some thinking about

544
00:19:25,325 --> 00:19:27,565
what from a dismissive perspective, what gets us

545
00:19:27,565 --> 00:19:29,005
to obey? Why do we obey? Why do

546
00:19:29,005 --> 00:19:31,404
we not obey? What do we need to

547
00:19:31,404 --> 00:19:32,625
be able to obey?

548
00:19:33,565 --> 00:19:34,625
It's all I'm saying.

549
00:19:35,325 --> 00:19:35,825
So

550
00:19:36,924 --> 00:19:38,144
85 years later,

551
00:19:38,630 --> 00:19:41,509
that's the overview of obedience. Let's talk about

552
00:19:41,509 --> 00:19:43,769
the I wrote down 2 types

553
00:19:44,150 --> 00:19:47,350
from a submissive Yeah. Perspective, because it's my

554
00:19:47,350 --> 00:19:49,450
perspective, but there's more. So I've got

555
00:19:50,390 --> 00:19:51,289
the unquestioning

556
00:19:51,590 --> 00:19:55,005
obedience, AKA blind obedience. Mhmm. And then my

557
00:19:55,005 --> 00:19:58,065
preferred obedience is obedience but with questions.

558
00:20:00,845 --> 00:20:01,904
I am not

559
00:20:02,205 --> 00:20:04,845
personally built for the, you have to make

560
00:20:04,845 --> 00:20:05,484
me obey

561
00:20:06,045 --> 00:20:06,525
Mhmm.

562
00:20:07,809 --> 00:20:09,730
Because it goes against so much of who

563
00:20:09,730 --> 00:20:11,670
I personally am at the core.

564
00:20:12,529 --> 00:20:14,850
In a scene, if it's part of the

565
00:20:14,850 --> 00:20:16,390
play of air quote,

566
00:20:16,930 --> 00:20:19,090
forcing me to put my body in a

567
00:20:19,090 --> 00:20:20,454
position, forcing me to

568
00:20:21,335 --> 00:20:23,414
Mhmm. Do a thing with one of my

569
00:20:23,414 --> 00:20:25,335
parts of the body on one of your

570
00:20:25,335 --> 00:20:26,855
parts of the body. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's

571
00:20:26,855 --> 00:20:27,914
fun in the meantime.

572
00:20:28,375 --> 00:20:30,855
When I'm talking about obedience as a submissive,

573
00:20:30,855 --> 00:20:33,815
I'm thinking within the power exchange dynamic, the

574
00:20:33,815 --> 00:20:34,315
relationship

575
00:20:35,549 --> 00:20:37,569
part. To me, obedience in play

576
00:20:38,429 --> 00:20:40,190
can be very similar, but can also be

577
00:20:40,190 --> 00:20:42,829
completely different. Because sometimes the way you behave

578
00:20:42,829 --> 00:20:44,509
in a kink scene is not how you're

579
00:20:44,509 --> 00:20:45,409
actually interacting

580
00:20:45,789 --> 00:20:47,789
within your relationship even though it's all power

581
00:20:47,789 --> 00:20:49,105
exchange and it's all kink.

582
00:20:49,724 --> 00:20:51,184
And I can handle

583
00:20:51,644 --> 00:20:53,025
and question a lot less

584
00:20:53,404 --> 00:20:53,904
play

585
00:20:54,525 --> 00:20:55,904
than I can the

586
00:20:56,525 --> 00:20:58,605
big girl. Please don't move that. I need

587
00:20:58,605 --> 00:21:00,365
that there for a reason. And I'm over

588
00:21:00,365 --> 00:21:02,205
here going, but it's about to blow away

589
00:21:02,205 --> 00:21:04,369
and go across the parking lot, and I

590
00:21:04,369 --> 00:21:05,910
can see impending danger.

591
00:21:06,369 --> 00:21:08,049
And the whole time, I'm like, I'm supposed

592
00:21:08,049 --> 00:21:09,410
to just do what he says, but I'm

593
00:21:09,410 --> 00:21:10,789
saving him from himself.

594
00:21:13,650 --> 00:21:15,890
And that's the kind of submission that does

595
00:21:15,890 --> 00:21:17,330
not make sense to a lot of people

596
00:21:17,330 --> 00:21:17,830
because

597
00:21:18,369 --> 00:21:20,634
I think what everybody would say or most

598
00:21:20,634 --> 00:21:21,755
people would say is we should just do

599
00:21:21,755 --> 00:21:23,515
what he says. And I'm like, yes. But

600
00:21:23,515 --> 00:21:24,015
also,

601
00:21:24,955 --> 00:21:27,275
I can see what's about to happen. And

602
00:21:27,275 --> 00:21:29,674
to be of service is to help save

603
00:21:29,674 --> 00:21:30,734
you from yourself.

604
00:21:32,315 --> 00:21:35,420
Wow. Real world example. We are at Aldi

605
00:21:35,720 --> 00:21:39,340
last weekend? Mhmm. Last weekend. Now the Internet

606
00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:42,119
influenced us and taught us a hack about

607
00:21:42,119 --> 00:21:45,160
places like Aldi, Sam's Club, Costco. You know,

608
00:21:45,160 --> 00:21:47,180
you don't get bags unless you bring them.

609
00:21:47,595 --> 00:21:48,954
So they were like, oh, put these little

610
00:21:48,954 --> 00:21:51,194
laundry baskets, like, in your car. Load your

611
00:21:51,194 --> 00:21:53,515
laundry baskets. It's really easy to unload your

612
00:21:53,515 --> 00:21:54,015
car.

613
00:21:54,554 --> 00:21:56,474
We freaking love that. Oh, yeah. We use

614
00:21:56,474 --> 00:21:58,875
it all the time. Okay. So we're now

615
00:21:58,875 --> 00:22:01,214
driving my teeny tiny little Corolla.

616
00:22:01,674 --> 00:22:04,899
See last week's bonus section for the info

617
00:22:04,899 --> 00:22:06,659
on that. There's not a lot of room

618
00:22:06,659 --> 00:22:08,980
for our laundry baskets. So Jamie's gonna take

619
00:22:08,980 --> 00:22:10,419
stuff out of the trunk to put stuff

620
00:22:10,419 --> 00:22:12,819
into the trunk to get us organized. It's

621
00:22:12,819 --> 00:22:14,599
a windy day. Windy.

622
00:22:15,674 --> 00:22:18,394
I offered to hold the laundry basket. He's

623
00:22:18,394 --> 00:22:18,894
frustrated.

624
00:22:19,275 --> 00:22:21,195
He goes, no, I'm just gonna put it

625
00:22:21,195 --> 00:22:22,495
down here on the ground.

626
00:22:23,195 --> 00:22:24,555
The moment he puts it on the ground,

627
00:22:24,555 --> 00:22:26,394
it moves like 2 inches because there's wind

628
00:22:26,394 --> 00:22:29,259
and it's windy and it's like gusty wind.

629
00:22:29,960 --> 00:22:31,559
1, I'm frustrated with him because I was

630
00:22:31,559 --> 00:22:34,119
like, I was offering to serve by holding

631
00:22:34,119 --> 00:22:34,619
it,

632
00:22:35,559 --> 00:22:36,299
but also

633
00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:39,559
who's gonna have to run across the parking

634
00:22:39,559 --> 00:22:41,255
lot if the wind picks it up?

635
00:22:41,634 --> 00:22:42,934
This girl right here.

636
00:22:43,315 --> 00:22:43,815
And

637
00:22:44,515 --> 00:22:45,954
There'd been one way to get your steps

638
00:22:45,954 --> 00:22:48,275
in. That is. But also and this is

639
00:22:48,275 --> 00:22:49,474
the thing I should talk about with a

640
00:22:49,474 --> 00:22:49,974
therapist.

641
00:22:50,434 --> 00:22:52,275
You would have been frustrated if it had

642
00:22:52,275 --> 00:22:54,669
blown away and you would have been cranky

643
00:22:54,669 --> 00:22:56,669
and not upset in like some lasting way,

644
00:22:56,669 --> 00:22:58,190
but you would have had that outburst. And

645
00:22:58,190 --> 00:22:59,789
there's a part of me that will do

646
00:22:59,789 --> 00:23:02,429
anything to avoid that outburst, even though it's

647
00:23:02,429 --> 00:23:04,929
not about me and it's not personal. Can't

648
00:23:05,164 --> 00:23:05,984
help myself.

649
00:23:06,684 --> 00:23:08,784
I have to help prevent your annoyance

650
00:23:10,204 --> 00:23:12,144
to the extent that I am capable of.

651
00:23:12,365 --> 00:23:14,284
K. I'm less weird about that than I

652
00:23:14,284 --> 00:23:15,325
used to be. Like, I used to be

653
00:23:15,325 --> 00:23:18,569
probably, like, borderline or actually toxic about that.

654
00:23:18,569 --> 00:23:19,829
It was probably not

655
00:23:20,289 --> 00:23:22,130
healthy at all. And I've calmed down, but

656
00:23:22,130 --> 00:23:23,809
I will still do it. Like, it's it's

657
00:23:23,809 --> 00:23:24,470
the inherent.

658
00:23:24,849 --> 00:23:26,690
I'm serving you because I'm helping both of

659
00:23:26,690 --> 00:23:28,929
us. We will both be less stressed if

660
00:23:28,929 --> 00:23:30,069
you could stay calm.

661
00:23:30,609 --> 00:23:33,325
So what does this obedience submissive do? I

662
00:23:33,325 --> 00:23:35,164
walk my ass around, pick it up and

663
00:23:35,164 --> 00:23:37,244
go, it's not allowed to blow away. And

664
00:23:37,244 --> 00:23:38,704
I hold it on my hip

665
00:23:39,404 --> 00:23:42,144
while he is like fussing under his breath.

666
00:23:42,445 --> 00:23:44,285
And I'm sitting there going, oh my God,

667
00:23:44,285 --> 00:23:46,670
we're gonna talk about obedience next week. And

668
00:23:46,670 --> 00:23:49,170
I am not being obedient right now,

669
00:23:49,470 --> 00:23:50,769
but I am being helpful.

670
00:23:51,150 --> 00:23:51,650
Yeah.

671
00:23:52,430 --> 00:23:53,330
And I

672
00:23:54,830 --> 00:23:56,609
I would not classify

673
00:23:57,575 --> 00:23:59,275
that as bratty behavior.

674
00:23:59,734 --> 00:24:02,615
I think it's reasonable for somebody else to

675
00:24:02,615 --> 00:24:03,835
disagree with that

676
00:24:04,615 --> 00:24:06,315
because I'm not trying

677
00:24:07,575 --> 00:24:10,134
to not do what you say. Mhmm. I'm

678
00:24:10,134 --> 00:24:11,115
in a way that's

679
00:24:11,414 --> 00:24:13,789
probably not healthy, trying to be helpful,

680
00:24:14,089 --> 00:24:16,089
and because I can foresee things that you

681
00:24:16,089 --> 00:24:18,329
don't seem to be seeing because you're focused

682
00:24:18,329 --> 00:24:19,309
on something else.

683
00:24:20,009 --> 00:24:20,829
I'm preemptively

684
00:24:21,210 --> 00:24:21,710
serving,

685
00:24:22,890 --> 00:24:24,730
which we have talked about anticipatory. And I

686
00:24:24,730 --> 00:24:26,750
was gonna say that that that that yeah.

687
00:24:27,015 --> 00:24:29,035
Yeah. And that and that's not always foolproof.

688
00:24:29,174 --> 00:24:30,474
No. God. No. It's not.

689
00:24:30,855 --> 00:24:32,775
And sometimes you're helping, but if you've just

690
00:24:32,775 --> 00:24:34,775
pissed off your dominant, did you really help

691
00:24:34,775 --> 00:24:35,275
anybody?

692
00:24:36,055 --> 00:24:38,955
I don't think so. So that scenario

693
00:24:41,679 --> 00:24:42,179
is

694
00:24:42,960 --> 00:24:46,159
me being obedient at my worst. I never,

695
00:24:46,159 --> 00:24:48,000
unless I'm not not consenting and it's like

696
00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:50,000
a hard limit, I never say no. I

697
00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:51,539
never say make me.

698
00:24:51,919 --> 00:24:54,099
We're not unleashing that tiger. Okay?

699
00:24:54,639 --> 00:24:56,365
It's not going back at the cage. If

700
00:24:56,365 --> 00:24:57,184
I look at this

701
00:24:57,565 --> 00:24:59,345
sadist and go make me.

702
00:25:00,765 --> 00:25:01,664
Oh my god.

703
00:25:02,125 --> 00:25:02,625
I

704
00:25:04,765 --> 00:25:05,585
in play,

705
00:25:05,964 --> 00:25:08,384
yes. And even then I'm a little scared,

706
00:25:08,599 --> 00:25:10,333
which is kind of the point. But in

707
00:25:10,333 --> 00:25:12,733
the dynamic no. No. No. I want I

708
00:25:12,733 --> 00:25:14,299
want to be of service.

709
00:25:14,759 --> 00:25:16,059
I want to be helpful.

710
00:25:17,160 --> 00:25:19,740
I recognize my own observational

711
00:25:20,039 --> 00:25:23,080
skills and my own intelligence to know that

712
00:25:23,080 --> 00:25:25,365
sometimes I see things he can't because he's

713
00:25:25,365 --> 00:25:27,445
focused on his thing. I'm focused on something

714
00:25:27,445 --> 00:25:29,525
else. Right? It's not that he's incapable of

715
00:25:29,525 --> 00:25:31,305
seeing it. It's just not on his radar.

716
00:25:31,445 --> 00:25:32,345
But I,

717
00:25:32,644 --> 00:25:33,625
who am, like,

718
00:25:35,045 --> 00:25:35,785
from a

719
00:25:36,740 --> 00:25:40,840
traumatized childhood kind of way observing everything. Right?

720
00:25:41,460 --> 00:25:43,700
I'm I see stuff now. I don't always

721
00:25:43,700 --> 00:25:45,059
get it right. Sometimes I think I see

722
00:25:45,059 --> 00:25:46,500
stuff and it's not really there, and that's

723
00:25:46,500 --> 00:25:49,559
where this little talent can be unhelpful.

724
00:25:50,794 --> 00:25:53,134
So I sometimes give up obedience

725
00:25:53,755 --> 00:25:54,974
in the name of service.

726
00:25:55,434 --> 00:25:57,515
Mhmm. But I still always want to be

727
00:25:57,515 --> 00:25:58,414
the good girl.

728
00:25:58,875 --> 00:26:00,894
I get the irony. Okay.

729
00:26:01,595 --> 00:26:03,890
How do you feel on that specific

730
00:26:04,910 --> 00:26:06,849
example of that kind of obedience

731
00:26:07,230 --> 00:26:09,789
where you were clearly frustrated with me? How

732
00:26:09,789 --> 00:26:11,789
do you feel? How do you see that?

733
00:26:11,789 --> 00:26:13,789
How do you interpret that? There there are

734
00:26:13,789 --> 00:26:15,490
times where I'm I'm like,

735
00:26:16,214 --> 00:26:17,494
I wish you just let me do it

736
00:26:17,494 --> 00:26:18,454
and be done with it and get it

737
00:26:18,454 --> 00:26:19,194
over with.

738
00:26:22,454 --> 00:26:23,194
I know.

739
00:26:23,654 --> 00:26:26,775
I know. Yep. I I I know you

740
00:26:26,775 --> 00:26:28,454
would. I know you would. Robert has a

741
00:26:28,454 --> 00:26:30,039
good point of wouldn't pointing out issues to

742
00:26:30,039 --> 00:26:31,319
save the Dom be a type of service

743
00:26:31,319 --> 00:26:32,700
and therefore still be obedient?

744
00:26:33,000 --> 00:26:34,599
I think so. But see, here's what It

745
00:26:34,599 --> 00:26:36,599
would it would be. Here's what I've learned.

746
00:26:36,599 --> 00:26:39,079
It would be. When he gets, like, all

747
00:26:39,079 --> 00:26:40,779
twisted up in his own stress,

748
00:26:42,164 --> 00:26:42,664
he

749
00:26:43,365 --> 00:26:44,644
and you're not the only one. People do

750
00:26:44,644 --> 00:26:46,184
this. This is a a people thing.

751
00:26:46,805 --> 00:26:47,785
I can point it

752
00:26:48,244 --> 00:26:50,005
out. I can tell him I see this

753
00:26:50,005 --> 00:26:50,505
coming.

754
00:26:50,884 --> 00:26:52,424
Can you please listen to me?

755
00:26:52,725 --> 00:26:53,225
And

756
00:26:54,740 --> 00:26:55,720
and he won't.

757
00:26:56,660 --> 00:26:59,160
Now obedience would mean, I think,

758
00:26:59,539 --> 00:27:01,240
that I gave him the information,

759
00:27:02,500 --> 00:27:04,500
and he didn't want it. And so to

760
00:27:04,500 --> 00:27:06,820
be obedient would be to back the fuck

761
00:27:06,820 --> 00:27:07,244
off.

762
00:27:07,884 --> 00:27:09,825
That is where I can admit

763
00:27:11,085 --> 00:27:12,704
sometimes I'm less than obedient.

764
00:27:14,125 --> 00:27:16,865
But it's as an act of service?

765
00:27:17,244 --> 00:27:17,904
I don't

766
00:27:19,164 --> 00:27:22,559
this so here's the thing. That that's that's

767
00:27:22,559 --> 00:27:24,419
specific thing where I went and grabbed

768
00:27:25,039 --> 00:27:27,119
the laundry basket before it could blow away,

769
00:27:27,119 --> 00:27:29,379
and you felt the gusty wind. I have,

770
00:27:29,679 --> 00:27:31,519
enough sense to not go, did you feel

771
00:27:31,519 --> 00:27:33,055
that gusty wind? See, I told you I

772
00:27:33,055 --> 00:27:33,955
was about to

773
00:27:34,734 --> 00:27:36,575
we don't do I told you so's. That

774
00:27:36,575 --> 00:27:37,955
will not end well for me.

775
00:27:41,775 --> 00:27:44,095
But in that specific moment, when I go

776
00:27:44,095 --> 00:27:45,380
grab it and I'm holding it, then I

777
00:27:45,380 --> 00:27:46,420
have it right there for you when you

778
00:27:46,420 --> 00:27:47,620
want it, you don't have to bend down.

779
00:27:47,620 --> 00:27:49,000
Like, I tried to make your life

780
00:27:49,380 --> 00:27:51,220
easy. Does it feel like I'm making your

781
00:27:51,220 --> 00:27:52,680
life easy, or are you so

782
00:27:52,980 --> 00:27:53,480
annoyed

783
00:27:53,860 --> 00:27:55,080
that it doesn't matter?

784
00:27:56,019 --> 00:27:56,519
No.

785
00:27:56,820 --> 00:27:58,294
It, you know,

786
00:27:58,595 --> 00:28:00,914
more times than not, it it comes down

787
00:28:00,914 --> 00:28:02,755
to the fact that, yeah, you do end

788
00:28:02,755 --> 00:28:04,835
up being helpful and it's, you know yeah.

789
00:28:04,835 --> 00:28:06,694
I'm right more often than I'm wrong.

790
00:28:07,794 --> 00:28:09,089
Is that is that what I'm hearing?

791
00:28:10,849 --> 00:28:11,349
Maybe.

792
00:28:12,690 --> 00:28:13,190
Maybe.

793
00:28:13,890 --> 00:28:18,369
So here's some things I have I have

794
00:28:18,369 --> 00:28:19,349
observed in myself

795
00:28:20,529 --> 00:28:22,470
Mhmm. About being obedient,

796
00:28:23,555 --> 00:28:25,815
recently and over the past few years. K.

797
00:28:26,115 --> 00:28:28,355
So recently, this sort of this resurgence we've

798
00:28:28,355 --> 00:28:30,194
kind of made this year the year that

799
00:28:30,194 --> 00:28:31,894
we're gonna try and figure out,

800
00:28:32,515 --> 00:28:34,775
power exchange again for for ourselves. Right?

801
00:28:35,394 --> 00:28:36,454
I want

802
00:28:36,914 --> 00:28:37,494
to be

803
00:28:38,039 --> 00:28:38,860
more unquestioning

804
00:28:39,400 --> 00:28:40,299
in my obedience.

805
00:28:40,680 --> 00:28:43,720
I'm not built to never question, and I

806
00:28:43,720 --> 00:28:45,799
don't think that's a great thing to never

807
00:28:45,799 --> 00:28:47,799
question. I think you get yourself into all

808
00:28:47,799 --> 00:28:50,600
sorts of trouble if you never question anything

809
00:28:50,600 --> 00:28:51,994
a dominant wants you to do as a

810
00:28:51,994 --> 00:28:52,494
submissive.

811
00:28:53,434 --> 00:28:54,894
Because they're not perfect,

812
00:28:55,355 --> 00:28:57,275
and sometimes your boundaries will be pushed that

813
00:28:57,275 --> 00:28:58,634
you're not you don't want them to be

814
00:28:58,634 --> 00:29:00,875
pushed. Sometimes they a person can have a

815
00:29:00,875 --> 00:29:02,015
bad fucking idea.

816
00:29:02,875 --> 00:29:03,534
You know?

817
00:29:04,480 --> 00:29:06,740
But I have more of a desire now

818
00:29:07,200 --> 00:29:07,700
to,

819
00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:08,799
at times

820
00:29:09,279 --> 00:29:10,980
Mhmm. Just fucking obey.

821
00:29:11,679 --> 00:29:14,000
Just follow you. Just Yeah. You know, just

822
00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:15,599
do what I told you and how much

823
00:29:15,839 --> 00:29:18,559
been. I'm trying. It's I'm actively having to

824
00:29:18,559 --> 00:29:21,144
try. I am clearly actively failing. I can't

825
00:29:21,144 --> 00:29:23,164
remember what it was the other day that,

826
00:29:23,304 --> 00:29:24,744
you know, I you know, I'm talking to

827
00:29:24,744 --> 00:29:25,404
you and you

828
00:29:26,184 --> 00:29:28,345
you you did your little dig your heels

829
00:29:28,345 --> 00:29:29,004
in and

830
00:29:29,544 --> 00:29:30,534
yeah. I know.

831
00:29:32,329 --> 00:29:33,970
And and, you know, it it's funny because

832
00:29:34,089 --> 00:29:36,009
and I I don't know if I've brought

833
00:29:36,009 --> 00:29:38,670
this up before or not, but, you know,

834
00:29:40,170 --> 00:29:40,670
obviously,

835
00:29:42,089 --> 00:29:44,509
Kale falls under the, you know,

836
00:29:45,315 --> 00:29:45,815
questioning.

837
00:29:46,674 --> 00:29:48,755
Oh, yeah. I'm I'm I'm obedient, but I

838
00:29:48,755 --> 00:29:51,494
got questions. Yeah. And and lots of questions.

839
00:29:51,634 --> 00:29:52,534
I need information.

840
00:29:53,075 --> 00:29:55,015
And and, you know, I I will say

841
00:29:55,394 --> 00:29:56,294
there are times

842
00:29:57,075 --> 00:29:58,855
when you ask questions,

843
00:29:59,970 --> 00:30:01,570
and they are and they are pertinent to

844
00:30:01,570 --> 00:30:03,589
what is Sure. What is going on.

845
00:30:05,809 --> 00:30:08,690
Then there's the other side of that. Okay.

846
00:30:08,690 --> 00:30:10,130
So to talk about the other side of

847
00:30:10,130 --> 00:30:11,829
that. We're gonna talk about that.

848
00:30:12,210 --> 00:30:12,710
So

849
00:30:15,965 --> 00:30:17,744
there are times I've gone

850
00:30:19,565 --> 00:30:20,225
to this

851
00:30:20,605 --> 00:30:23,184
wonderful, beautiful person sitting next to me,

852
00:30:25,005 --> 00:30:26,785
and and I've asked a question.

853
00:30:27,965 --> 00:30:29,265
Is it when you've asked

854
00:30:29,980 --> 00:30:31,419
asked me to do something or ask my

855
00:30:31,419 --> 00:30:31,919
opinion?

856
00:30:32,380 --> 00:30:33,679
And and in my mind,

857
00:30:34,140 --> 00:30:36,779
it's a it's a flat out yes or

858
00:30:36,779 --> 00:30:37,279
no

859
00:30:37,740 --> 00:30:38,240
answer.

860
00:30:39,899 --> 00:30:41,914
It's like he just met me yesterday, y'all.

861
00:30:41,914 --> 00:30:42,414
Yeah.

862
00:30:42,714 --> 00:30:45,054
Yeah. No. That that that doesn't work.

863
00:30:45,515 --> 00:30:47,515
I'll be there for half an hour. Not

864
00:30:47,515 --> 00:30:50,075
always. So you here's what you've gotten good

865
00:30:50,075 --> 00:30:52,315
at, which I appreciate, but you ask me

866
00:30:52,315 --> 00:30:54,474
sometimes to promise something I cannot give you.

867
00:30:54,474 --> 00:30:56,759
Because you'll say, I need to ask you

868
00:30:56,759 --> 00:30:58,640
a question. Right. I just need a yes

869
00:30:58,640 --> 00:30:59,539
or no answer.

870
00:31:00,240 --> 00:31:03,779
And that is helpful communication. It sets expectations.

871
00:31:05,359 --> 00:31:05,859
Sometimes

872
00:31:06,240 --> 00:31:08,240
part of this is, like, my own headspace

873
00:31:08,240 --> 00:31:10,804
and where my mind is at. And sometimes

874
00:31:10,804 --> 00:31:13,482
it's it's I don't know. It's something else

875
00:31:13,482 --> 00:31:15,862
mysterious. I don't know. But sometimes I can

876
00:31:15,862 --> 00:31:18,242
go, okay. I will do my best. And

877
00:31:18,242 --> 00:31:20,920
sometimes I think this is when I'm, like,

878
00:31:20,920 --> 00:31:22,990
deep in my own head and I kinda

879
00:31:22,990 --> 00:31:24,509
know where my head space is at and

880
00:31:24,509 --> 00:31:27,230
it ain't good. I say, I cannot promise

881
00:31:27,230 --> 00:31:29,009
you that. Yeah. If your question

882
00:31:29,869 --> 00:31:32,029
gives me questions, I can't give you yes

883
00:31:32,029 --> 00:31:34,049
or no without more information,

884
00:31:34,589 --> 00:31:37,044
without context. Not always. I would love to

885
00:31:37,044 --> 00:31:38,724
give you I think my life will be

886
00:31:38,724 --> 00:31:40,565
easier if I could just go around going,

887
00:31:40,565 --> 00:31:41,065
yes.

888
00:31:41,365 --> 00:31:43,684
I I I even tried. Especially maybe or

889
00:31:43,684 --> 00:31:45,284
I don't know. I even tried with her

890
00:31:45,284 --> 00:31:46,724
at one point, and I thought I was

891
00:31:46,724 --> 00:31:49,099
so I thought, yeah. I got this now.

892
00:31:50,680 --> 00:31:51,259
Oh, man.

893
00:31:52,279 --> 00:31:53,880
I I I went to her one time,

894
00:31:53,880 --> 00:31:54,859
and I said, look,

895
00:31:55,480 --> 00:31:57,019
I I do not have the bandwidth

896
00:31:57,720 --> 00:32:00,279
for for a long answer. I I I

897
00:32:00,279 --> 00:32:01,559
I just need a yes or no right

898
00:32:01,559 --> 00:32:03,079
now. I I and and go on my

899
00:32:03,079 --> 00:32:03,555
way. I have

900
00:32:08,434 --> 00:32:10,035
have to. And it it it was shorter

901
00:32:10,035 --> 00:32:11,315
than it could have been. Yeah. If you

902
00:32:11,315 --> 00:32:13,174
hadn't said that. True.

903
00:32:13,555 --> 00:32:16,589
The thing is is we are are we

904
00:32:16,589 --> 00:32:18,589
are clearly 2 different people, but we are

905
00:32:18,589 --> 00:32:22,589
wired very differently. Yeah. And in JB's mind,

906
00:32:22,589 --> 00:32:24,670
something is simple. It's either yes or no.

907
00:32:24,670 --> 00:32:25,170
Right.

908
00:32:25,869 --> 00:32:27,869
Very little in my life is that binary,

909
00:32:27,869 --> 00:32:29,869
that black and white, that clear. There's too

910
00:32:29,869 --> 00:32:32,804
much, well, it depends. Or, but wait. I

911
00:32:32,804 --> 00:32:34,325
I I need to be better informed if

912
00:32:34,325 --> 00:32:36,404
I can have more information. Now when you

913
00:32:36,404 --> 00:32:37,684
start out with, I do not have time.

914
00:32:37,684 --> 00:32:39,765
I do not have bandwidth. Right. Then if

915
00:32:39,765 --> 00:32:41,765
I when you ask the question, this is

916
00:32:41,765 --> 00:32:43,944
still, I think, dissatisfying, but better.

917
00:32:44,460 --> 00:32:46,559
If he gives me that upfront,

918
00:32:47,500 --> 00:32:49,339
and I know he just wants a short

919
00:32:49,339 --> 00:32:49,839
answer,

920
00:32:51,019 --> 00:32:53,259
when I have to go, I can't answer

921
00:32:53,259 --> 00:32:54,640
that. I need more information.

922
00:32:55,259 --> 00:32:56,559
Then we can go,

923
00:32:57,015 --> 00:32:58,474
we will talk about this later.

924
00:32:58,855 --> 00:33:00,615
Like, we'll talk about it after dinner. We'll

925
00:33:00,615 --> 00:33:01,734
talk about when I get in from the

926
00:33:01,734 --> 00:33:04,055
shop. Like, let's come back to this. This

927
00:33:04,055 --> 00:33:06,295
is not yes or no. The other thing

928
00:33:06,295 --> 00:33:07,335
I default to

929
00:33:08,695 --> 00:33:09,690
and this is, I

930
00:33:10,329 --> 00:33:12,009
think, something that can be a very strong

931
00:33:12,009 --> 00:33:14,009
part of submission. And for me, it's and

932
00:33:14,009 --> 00:33:16,730
for other submissives I know, something we want

933
00:33:16,730 --> 00:33:17,869
more often than not.

934
00:33:18,569 --> 00:33:20,669
You'll ask me for a yes or no,

935
00:33:20,970 --> 00:33:22,484
and I can't give you yes or no.

936
00:33:22,565 --> 00:33:24,565
And so what I've I do more now

937
00:33:24,565 --> 00:33:25,845
and I used to do all the time

938
00:33:25,845 --> 00:33:26,904
way back in the day,

939
00:33:27,365 --> 00:33:28,105
you decide.

940
00:33:28,484 --> 00:33:30,565
I'll back you whatever you decide. Yeah. Just

941
00:33:30,565 --> 00:33:32,585
decide. Because quite frankly,

942
00:33:35,570 --> 00:33:37,410
there are many times when that's all I

943
00:33:37,410 --> 00:33:38,930
want. Please don't ask me to help you

944
00:33:38,930 --> 00:33:39,750
make the decision.

945
00:33:40,930 --> 00:33:43,170
The difference there and I can

946
00:33:43,809 --> 00:33:45,250
my memory is so shit and I can

947
00:33:45,250 --> 00:33:47,055
almost feel when the difference happened.

948
00:33:49,615 --> 00:33:50,934
When we were early in our living together,

949
00:33:50,934 --> 00:33:52,275
and those first few years were, like,

950
00:33:52,894 --> 00:33:54,654
everything was clicking, and we were like, wow.

951
00:33:54,654 --> 00:33:56,894
Life is really fucking good. Right? Don't ever

952
00:33:56,894 --> 00:33:58,994
say that too loud. The universe is listening.

953
00:33:59,855 --> 00:34:01,795
Hold my drink. It was very

954
00:34:02,279 --> 00:34:04,140
easy at that point to kind of

955
00:34:04,519 --> 00:34:06,460
let go of any

956
00:34:06,840 --> 00:34:09,559
not all anxiety, let's be real. But a

957
00:34:09,559 --> 00:34:11,320
lot of anxiety and a need for to

958
00:34:11,320 --> 00:34:13,559
control and need context and need to understand

959
00:34:13,559 --> 00:34:15,160
every detail, or I can't make the right

960
00:34:15,160 --> 00:34:17,974
decision. And go, whatever you want, daddy. Let's

961
00:34:17,974 --> 00:34:19,355
just do what you wanna do, daddy.

962
00:34:19,974 --> 00:34:22,375
Then we hit this past 4 years or

963
00:34:22,375 --> 00:34:24,074
so, a very rough patch,

964
00:34:24,934 --> 00:34:26,715
and we had to collaborate

965
00:34:27,574 --> 00:34:28,394
on everything,

966
00:34:29,109 --> 00:34:30,710
which is not a bad thing to collaborate.

967
00:34:30,710 --> 00:34:33,109
I love being collaborative with JB. I it

968
00:34:33,109 --> 00:34:34,389
makes me feel like we're part of a

969
00:34:34,389 --> 00:34:36,309
team. We're doing it together. And even when

970
00:34:36,309 --> 00:34:36,809
we're

971
00:34:38,230 --> 00:34:40,550
working together like that, he is always the

972
00:34:40,550 --> 00:34:42,385
decider, and that's just understood. And I don't

973
00:34:42,385 --> 00:34:43,864
have a problem with that. I don't want

974
00:34:43,864 --> 00:34:45,784
to be the decider. I just want the

975
00:34:45,784 --> 00:34:47,385
decision to be the best possible one I

976
00:34:47,385 --> 00:34:48,045
can make.

977
00:34:48,824 --> 00:34:49,324
But

978
00:34:50,184 --> 00:34:52,444
there were so few opportunities

979
00:34:52,984 --> 00:34:55,944
or times when I felt comfortable and you

980
00:34:55,944 --> 00:34:58,344
were capable of me going, I don't care.

981
00:34:58,344 --> 00:34:58,980
You decide.

982
00:34:59,619 --> 00:35:02,019
Everything felt so critical. If we made a

983
00:35:02,019 --> 00:35:05,059
wrong decision, it could be catastrophic. Like, lose

984
00:35:05,059 --> 00:35:06,519
your fucking house catastrophic.

985
00:35:06,980 --> 00:35:09,940
Everything mattered. Right? Mhmm. So we did a

986
00:35:09,940 --> 00:35:11,859
lot of deep dives and talking and going,

987
00:35:11,859 --> 00:35:13,914
okay. Here's here's the things I see. Here's

988
00:35:13,914 --> 00:35:15,194
the things I see. Let's try and come

989
00:35:15,194 --> 00:35:16,655
together and find the right solution.

990
00:35:17,355 --> 00:35:17,855
And

991
00:35:18,394 --> 00:35:21,114
JB was quickly unable and, you know, you've

992
00:35:21,114 --> 00:35:22,554
admitted this. I'm not saying anything out of

993
00:35:22,554 --> 00:35:23,054
pocket.

994
00:35:23,675 --> 00:35:25,594
Unable to sort of handle all of that

995
00:35:25,594 --> 00:35:26,094
pressure

996
00:35:26,529 --> 00:35:29,250
amongst the outside pressure of our lives. Right?

997
00:35:29,250 --> 00:35:31,170
And so I started shouldering more things. I

998
00:35:31,170 --> 00:35:33,650
started I took over finances. He used to

999
00:35:33,650 --> 00:35:35,569
pay all the bills, hand me some cash,

1000
00:35:35,569 --> 00:35:37,429
tell me what I could spend. Uh-uh.

1001
00:35:38,175 --> 00:35:39,855
I had to remind him recently that he

1002
00:35:39,855 --> 00:35:41,474
did have access to his bank

1003
00:35:41,855 --> 00:35:44,335
account. No. And he didn't need me for

1004
00:35:44,335 --> 00:35:46,094
that. Right? I I there was something he

1005
00:35:46,094 --> 00:35:48,815
could do, but I took over that as

1006
00:35:48,815 --> 00:35:49,394
a burden

1007
00:35:49,775 --> 00:35:51,135
to take a burden off of him Mhmm.

1008
00:35:51,295 --> 00:35:52,035
To be helpful

1009
00:35:52,610 --> 00:35:54,449
because I have I have lived the broke

1010
00:35:54,449 --> 00:35:56,289
life before, and I know how to rob

1011
00:35:56,289 --> 00:35:58,050
Peter to pay Paul. Like, I I got

1012
00:35:58,050 --> 00:35:58,550
that.

1013
00:35:59,329 --> 00:36:02,210
But that meant that if every decision feels

1014
00:36:02,210 --> 00:36:02,710
critical,

1015
00:36:04,050 --> 00:36:05,910
and sometimes they were,

1016
00:36:06,505 --> 00:36:08,984
There is no just you decide. 1, I

1017
00:36:08,984 --> 00:36:10,344
wouldn't have done that to put that kind

1018
00:36:10,344 --> 00:36:11,784
of pressure on him. It was too much.

1019
00:36:11,784 --> 00:36:13,644
It was already fucking with his mental health.

1020
00:36:14,105 --> 00:36:16,525
But, also, it was abdicating a responsibility

1021
00:36:16,905 --> 00:36:18,585
that I did I didn't feel comfortable with

1022
00:36:18,585 --> 00:36:19,945
that. We this needed to be a team

1023
00:36:19,945 --> 00:36:21,144
effort. It was the only way we're gonna

1024
00:36:21,144 --> 00:36:21,539
get through

1025
00:36:22,820 --> 00:36:24,660
it. But that's it's been three and a

1026
00:36:24,660 --> 00:36:26,840
half, 4 years of that. Yeah.

1027
00:36:27,460 --> 00:36:29,640
Just like I didn't let go that easily

1028
00:36:30,500 --> 00:36:31,239
going from,

1029
00:36:31,699 --> 00:36:32,199
you

1030
00:36:32,660 --> 00:36:34,900
know, vanilla person who had to handle all

1031
00:36:34,900 --> 00:36:37,295
her shit, her kids' shit, her ex husband's

1032
00:36:37,295 --> 00:36:38,514
shit, everybody's shit.

1033
00:36:39,054 --> 00:36:39,554
Right?

1034
00:36:39,855 --> 00:36:41,375
To, oh, I'm a submissive and I have

1035
00:36:41,375 --> 00:36:42,414
a partner and I don't have to do

1036
00:36:42,414 --> 00:36:44,755
this alone anymore. That's that was an adjustment.

1037
00:36:44,815 --> 00:36:46,574
Right? It was a fun adjustment because it

1038
00:36:46,574 --> 00:36:48,335
was sexy and it was kinky, but it

1039
00:36:48,335 --> 00:36:48,869
was an adjustment.

1040
00:36:49,910 --> 00:36:51,630
Well, now I'm adjusting in the other way.

1041
00:36:51,630 --> 00:36:53,990
We are back sort of to a point

1042
00:36:53,990 --> 00:36:57,030
where every decision is not critical. Right? We

1043
00:36:57,030 --> 00:36:59,510
can relax. We can breathe. You were ready

1044
00:36:59,510 --> 00:37:01,910
to take on more of that responsibility again.

1045
00:37:01,910 --> 00:37:02,175
Yes.

1046
00:37:02,815 --> 00:37:03,954
I am not built

1047
00:37:04,335 --> 00:37:05,775
to take off one hat and put on

1048
00:37:05,775 --> 00:37:06,275
another.

1049
00:37:06,815 --> 00:37:07,875
I need, like,

1050
00:37:08,175 --> 00:37:09,954
an easing in people.

1051
00:37:10,494 --> 00:37:12,255
I need to adjust. I need to

1052
00:37:12,894 --> 00:37:14,735
this is the thing I that I believe

1053
00:37:14,735 --> 00:37:16,974
is a core tenet of all power exchange,

1054
00:37:16,974 --> 00:37:19,030
but we're talking submission here. I need to

1055
00:37:19,030 --> 00:37:20,550
feel safe. I need to know that I

1056
00:37:20,550 --> 00:37:21,050
can.

1057
00:37:21,429 --> 00:37:22,949
And it's not that you don't make me

1058
00:37:22,949 --> 00:37:25,030
feel safe. I've always felt safe with you.

1059
00:37:25,030 --> 00:37:27,609
But I it is a close enough memory

1060
00:37:27,750 --> 00:37:28,889
of watching this

1061
00:37:29,269 --> 00:37:32,250
the strain on you, of having that responsibility

1062
00:37:32,789 --> 00:37:34,054
that I don't

1063
00:37:34,514 --> 00:37:36,375
yet trust this moment of peace

1064
00:37:36,994 --> 00:37:39,894
and tranquility. Right? It's too new,

1065
00:37:40,514 --> 00:37:42,835
and it's too raw to know how quickly

1066
00:37:42,835 --> 00:37:45,474
it can be yanked away. Right. So it's

1067
00:37:45,474 --> 00:37:48,454
like, can I relax enough Mhmm?

1068
00:37:48,855 --> 00:37:51,141
To just go, whatever you want, daddy, you

1069
00:37:51,141 --> 00:37:53,427
decide. Yeah. And and, you know, I I

1070
00:37:53,427 --> 00:37:55,998
am I am in a in that place,

1071
00:37:55,998 --> 00:37:58,283
and I agree with you a 100%. You

1072
00:37:58,283 --> 00:38:00,569
know, the the the things that have been

1073
00:38:00,569 --> 00:38:02,234
changing in our lives,

1074
00:38:02,855 --> 00:38:05,675
they're good, very good. Oh. Very very good,

1075
00:38:05,734 --> 00:38:06,234
but

1076
00:38:07,894 --> 00:38:10,074
a lot of it still doesn't seem real.

1077
00:38:10,215 --> 00:38:12,234
Right. Too soon. Too new. Yeah.

1078
00:38:12,934 --> 00:38:15,594
So, you know, there there is that. But,

1079
00:38:17,980 --> 00:38:19,519
you know, for me, I think

1080
00:38:20,619 --> 00:38:22,140
well, not that I think. I know at

1081
00:38:22,140 --> 00:38:24,619
this point, you know, going in that that

1082
00:38:24,619 --> 00:38:25,280
you took

1083
00:38:25,900 --> 00:38:26,400
more

1084
00:38:26,700 --> 00:38:27,200
on,

1085
00:38:27,660 --> 00:38:28,559
I was slowly

1086
00:38:29,494 --> 00:38:31,494
heading down. I know. And, you know, looking

1087
00:38:31,494 --> 00:38:33,914
back, because you can only hindsight is 2020.

1088
00:38:34,614 --> 00:38:36,135
Would it have been better for you to

1089
00:38:36,135 --> 00:38:37,594
hold on to more responsibility

1090
00:38:39,175 --> 00:38:41,255
than to that you let go? Maybe change

1091
00:38:41,255 --> 00:38:41,994
the responsibilities.

1092
00:38:42,454 --> 00:38:44,614
Yeah. But, you know, yes, there is the

1093
00:38:44,614 --> 00:38:46,519
weight of stress and stuff.

1094
00:38:46,980 --> 00:38:47,800
But was

1095
00:38:48,340 --> 00:38:49,719
not having an outlet

1096
00:38:50,019 --> 00:38:52,119
where you felt control of something,

1097
00:38:54,180 --> 00:38:56,340
was that more hindrance than help? I think

1098
00:38:56,340 --> 00:38:58,280
so. Probably. For me, yeah.

1099
00:38:58,820 --> 00:38:59,320
And

1100
00:38:59,875 --> 00:39:01,175
because we're talking about obedience,

1101
00:39:01,635 --> 00:39:03,815
having very few ways to

1102
00:39:04,594 --> 00:39:07,815
keep sort of exercising the obedience muscle,

1103
00:39:08,275 --> 00:39:10,035
I know was not good for me. I

1104
00:39:10,035 --> 00:39:12,719
have way too many opinions and questions, and

1105
00:39:12,719 --> 00:39:14,079
there's nothing wrong with that. I wanna be

1106
00:39:14,239 --> 00:39:17,599
Yeah. Very fucking clear to doms and subs.

1107
00:39:17,599 --> 00:39:18,099
Submissives

1108
00:39:18,559 --> 00:39:20,880
can have opinions and should, and can have

1109
00:39:20,880 --> 00:39:22,260
questions and should.

1110
00:39:23,280 --> 00:39:25,780
The the thing that power exchange will do,

1111
00:39:26,079 --> 00:39:26,579
potentially,

1112
00:39:27,204 --> 00:39:28,184
is just moderate

1113
00:39:28,644 --> 00:39:31,385
how those questions are asked, how those opinions

1114
00:39:31,605 --> 00:39:32,344
are expressed,

1115
00:39:32,885 --> 00:39:35,684
how much weight they are sometimes given to

1116
00:39:35,684 --> 00:39:37,065
a situation. Right?

1117
00:39:38,405 --> 00:39:39,784
But they don't go away.

1118
00:39:40,190 --> 00:39:42,610
Mine have just been, like, on hyperdrive

1119
00:39:43,070 --> 00:39:45,070
because it was needed. We excuse me. We

1120
00:39:45,070 --> 00:39:47,550
were just getting through life, right, as best

1121
00:39:47,550 --> 00:39:48,210
we could.

1122
00:39:48,590 --> 00:39:49,570
And, you know,

1123
00:39:50,349 --> 00:39:51,329
we are clearly

1124
00:39:52,125 --> 00:39:53,344
more relaxed now

1125
00:39:53,724 --> 00:39:55,264
than we have been previously,

1126
00:39:56,605 --> 00:39:58,925
but that doesn't mean I just flip a

1127
00:39:58,925 --> 00:40:01,025
switch and I go back to whatever version

1128
00:40:01,405 --> 00:40:03,724
of the submissive I was before. Yeah. And

1129
00:40:03,724 --> 00:40:04,864
and, you know, I,

1130
00:40:08,780 --> 00:40:09,280
since

1131
00:40:10,140 --> 00:40:13,039
my bottoming out, now coming back, you know,

1132
00:40:15,019 --> 00:40:15,840
what we

1133
00:40:16,380 --> 00:40:18,940
are rebuilding is not what it was. No.

1134
00:40:18,940 --> 00:40:19,440
Mm-mm.

1135
00:40:20,860 --> 00:40:22,324
Not supposed to be, I don't think.

1136
00:40:22,864 --> 00:40:23,605
No. No.

1137
00:40:24,704 --> 00:40:25,105
It,

1138
00:40:26,304 --> 00:40:28,565
I think it's it becomes more fitting

1139
00:40:28,864 --> 00:40:30,945
of who we are now in this time

1140
00:40:30,945 --> 00:40:33,284
and space. And I think it also reflects

1141
00:40:34,210 --> 00:40:36,309
what we've experienced. So we've experienced

1142
00:40:36,849 --> 00:40:38,789
power exchange on autopilot.

1143
00:40:39,170 --> 00:40:40,789
Right. We've god knows we've

1144
00:40:41,170 --> 00:40:43,110
ex experienced power exchange in a rut.

1145
00:40:43,489 --> 00:40:43,989
Yeah.

1146
00:40:45,489 --> 00:40:46,530
We've also it's not

1147
00:40:47,489 --> 00:40:49,414
it's weird because it was not a power

1148
00:40:49,414 --> 00:40:51,335
imbalance that was different than our power exchange.

1149
00:40:51,335 --> 00:40:53,135
Like, you you have been and always are

1150
00:40:53,135 --> 00:40:54,554
and will be the decider.

1151
00:40:55,414 --> 00:40:56,394
But the

1152
00:40:58,295 --> 00:40:59,355
the level of

1153
00:40:59,655 --> 00:41:01,034
ownership of that

1154
00:41:01,710 --> 00:41:02,210
changed.

1155
00:41:03,469 --> 00:41:03,969
And

1156
00:41:04,670 --> 00:41:05,809
it can change

1157
00:41:07,070 --> 00:41:09,070
maybe not back, but it can change to

1158
00:41:09,070 --> 00:41:11,789
another way of doing it. But we can't

1159
00:41:11,789 --> 00:41:13,869
unknow what we know, and we can't not

1160
00:41:13,869 --> 00:41:15,809
have the experiences anymore. So

1161
00:41:16,215 --> 00:41:19,575
we are both a product of everything we

1162
00:41:19,575 --> 00:41:20,394
went through

1163
00:41:20,855 --> 00:41:22,614
and what we want out of life. We

1164
00:41:22,614 --> 00:41:24,695
are also the product of what that did

1165
00:41:24,695 --> 00:41:25,355
to us

1166
00:41:25,815 --> 00:41:28,235
as individuals and what we want to avoid

1167
00:41:28,295 --> 00:41:30,375
in the past. But, also, I think we're

1168
00:41:30,375 --> 00:41:31,079
more conscientious

1169
00:41:31,640 --> 00:41:32,140
of

1170
00:41:32,519 --> 00:41:33,719
what it means to be in a power

1171
00:41:33,719 --> 00:41:34,619
exchange because

1172
00:41:35,079 --> 00:41:37,320
our power exchange from the very beginning, long

1173
00:41:37,320 --> 00:41:39,559
distance, and then moving in together felt very

1174
00:41:39,559 --> 00:41:41,640
easy. Life could get hard. The power exchange

1175
00:41:41,640 --> 00:41:42,780
was fucking easy.

1176
00:41:43,335 --> 00:41:45,414
So we went with our sort of natural

1177
00:41:45,414 --> 00:41:47,014
ways of being. And, obviously, we've had a

1178
00:41:47,014 --> 00:41:49,574
podcast for this long. We've been dissecting it.

1179
00:41:49,574 --> 00:41:51,275
We've been talking about it.

1180
00:41:51,574 --> 00:41:54,135
But there weren't always the conversations of but

1181
00:41:54,135 --> 00:41:56,295
why do I behave this way as a

1182
00:41:56,295 --> 00:41:58,474
submissive? Why do you be and we're

1183
00:41:58,969 --> 00:42:02,190
more aware now. So then whatever the

1184
00:42:02,489 --> 00:42:04,670
whatever I do is a submissive going forward,

1185
00:42:05,130 --> 00:42:06,569
a lot of it is still an inherent

1186
00:42:06,569 --> 00:42:08,730
part of my nature. Sure. But I am

1187
00:42:08,730 --> 00:42:09,630
having different

1188
00:42:09,929 --> 00:42:12,250
conversations with you, and I am seeing things

1189
00:42:12,250 --> 00:42:13,849
through a different lens. So I'm

1190
00:42:14,775 --> 00:42:16,855
this time around, it's like I'm actively making

1191
00:42:16,855 --> 00:42:17,514
a choice

1192
00:42:17,815 --> 00:42:19,835
instead of just going with what's natural.

1193
00:42:20,295 --> 00:42:21,355
Does that make sense?

1194
00:42:22,054 --> 00:42:25,194
And no having the experience that I've had,

1195
00:42:25,335 --> 00:42:25,894
I can

1196
00:42:26,454 --> 00:42:29,079
I'm thinking more about I want to be

1197
00:42:29,079 --> 00:42:30,940
obedient. I want to obey.

1198
00:42:31,239 --> 00:42:32,699
I want the freedom

1199
00:42:33,079 --> 00:42:35,019
to obey, and that to me

1200
00:42:35,639 --> 00:42:37,319
is the key to it all. It is

1201
00:42:37,319 --> 00:42:39,179
a freedom. It is a luxury

1202
00:42:39,559 --> 00:42:41,355
to turn your brain off and go, okay,

1203
00:42:43,835 --> 00:42:44,335
daddy.

1204
00:42:44,715 --> 00:42:47,034
And if you if you get it and

1205
00:42:47,034 --> 00:42:48,894
and you you get to have that experience,

1206
00:42:49,755 --> 00:42:50,414
you know,

1207
00:42:51,034 --> 00:42:52,715
I hope you get to keep that experience

1208
00:42:52,715 --> 00:42:54,155
as for as long as you want. But

1209
00:42:54,155 --> 00:42:54,655
also,

1210
00:42:54,954 --> 00:42:57,250
my experience tells me that sometimes you don't

1211
00:42:57,329 --> 00:42:59,410
you can't live that luxury. The life just

1212
00:42:59,410 --> 00:43:00,550
won't let you. Mhmm.

1213
00:43:00,930 --> 00:43:02,950
That's true. But also now,

1214
00:43:04,690 --> 00:43:07,590
I can't turn it off so easily. Yeah.

1215
00:43:08,289 --> 00:43:08,789
And

1216
00:43:09,744 --> 00:43:11,105
so this part of this came up for

1217
00:43:11,105 --> 00:43:13,264
me because we're talking about unquestioning AKA blind

1218
00:43:13,264 --> 00:43:15,505
obedience. I like unquestioning. It just I like

1219
00:43:15,505 --> 00:43:16,485
that term better.

1220
00:43:18,465 --> 00:43:19,525
There are times

1221
00:43:20,224 --> 00:43:21,925
my sense of you

1222
00:43:22,730 --> 00:43:24,429
is that's what you want from me.

1223
00:43:25,130 --> 00:43:27,289
Like, as as a power changer, that's what

1224
00:43:27,289 --> 00:43:29,369
you want. Here's here's what I'm gonna say,

1225
00:43:29,369 --> 00:43:31,609
because this this is something that's been rolling

1226
00:43:31,609 --> 00:43:33,069
around up here since this.

1227
00:43:35,795 --> 00:43:38,134
There are there are times, yes.

1228
00:43:38,755 --> 00:43:39,494
I'm like,

1229
00:43:40,355 --> 00:43:41,954
I wish you would just do it. I

1230
00:43:41,954 --> 00:43:42,775
wish you would just

1231
00:43:43,074 --> 00:43:44,694
say yes and get on with it.

1232
00:43:46,835 --> 00:43:47,335
But,

1233
00:43:48,355 --> 00:43:49,815
on the other side of that,

1234
00:43:51,579 --> 00:43:53,500
I live for that push and pull between

1235
00:43:53,500 --> 00:43:56,139
us too. Mhmm. Because if I just became

1236
00:43:56,139 --> 00:43:57,739
a a s daddy kind of person, you'd

1237
00:43:57,739 --> 00:43:59,019
be like, what the fuck is wrong with

1238
00:43:59,019 --> 00:43:59,519
you?

1239
00:44:01,099 --> 00:44:03,260
And, yes, where our energy would be different

1240
00:44:03,260 --> 00:44:04,545
if we didn't have the push and pull.

1241
00:44:04,625 --> 00:44:05,984
Mhmm. The push and pull is the the

1242
00:44:05,984 --> 00:44:08,885
banter is the fun part. Right. Also also,

1243
00:44:08,944 --> 00:44:11,105
not to toot my own horn too loudly,

1244
00:44:11,105 --> 00:44:12,724
but toot fucking toot.

1245
00:44:13,025 --> 00:44:15,505
My questions sometimes save our ass. Just like

1246
00:44:15,505 --> 00:44:17,585
your questions sometimes get me to see something

1247
00:44:17,585 --> 00:44:20,739
differently. Right? That's the team aspect of it.

1248
00:44:20,739 --> 00:44:21,559
That's the collaboration

1249
00:44:21,940 --> 00:44:23,000
aspect of it.

1250
00:44:23,619 --> 00:44:25,559
I would like to relax enough

1251
00:44:25,940 --> 00:44:27,239
to have less questions.

1252
00:44:28,500 --> 00:44:30,179
I would and it's you know, and I

1253
00:44:30,420 --> 00:44:31,960
this is what I I

1254
00:44:32,500 --> 00:44:33,000
wonder.

1255
00:44:33,465 --> 00:44:35,465
When I have questions I'm gonna tell you

1256
00:44:35,465 --> 00:44:36,305
what it means to me if I have

1257
00:44:36,305 --> 00:44:37,785
a question for I have a question about

1258
00:44:37,785 --> 00:44:38,765
questions first.

1259
00:44:39,224 --> 00:44:41,625
Does it feel to you like I don't

1260
00:44:41,625 --> 00:44:44,105
trust you when I have questions? What is

1261
00:44:44,105 --> 00:44:45,625
the sense you get when I start asking

1262
00:44:45,625 --> 00:44:46,125
questions?

1263
00:44:48,849 --> 00:44:49,670
I never

1264
00:44:50,769 --> 00:44:52,710
had the feeling that you don't

1265
00:44:53,010 --> 00:44:55,590
trust me. Okay. Okay. That that

1266
00:44:56,289 --> 00:44:57,590
not not an issue.

1267
00:44:57,969 --> 00:44:59,109
Okay. At all.

1268
00:45:00,449 --> 00:45:01,109
I think

1269
00:45:01,409 --> 00:45:02,389
more than anything,

1270
00:45:02,690 --> 00:45:03,190
again,

1271
00:45:04,355 --> 00:45:06,694
and and that's what prompted me to,

1272
00:45:08,355 --> 00:45:09,014
you know,

1273
00:45:09,554 --> 00:45:10,454
say to you,

1274
00:45:12,034 --> 00:45:13,635
I'm I'm not I don't have the bandwidth

1275
00:45:13,635 --> 00:45:14,934
for this. Okay?

1276
00:45:16,034 --> 00:45:16,534
But,

1277
00:45:18,210 --> 00:45:19,829
most of the time more than anything,

1278
00:45:20,929 --> 00:45:22,769
and it's only when I'm in in those

1279
00:45:22,769 --> 00:45:23,909
moods that I don't

1280
00:45:24,849 --> 00:45:27,349
that, you know, it it's more frustrating

1281
00:45:27,730 --> 00:45:28,789
Mhmm. Than anything.

1282
00:45:30,505 --> 00:45:32,184
It is frustrating when you want a yes

1283
00:45:32,184 --> 00:45:33,704
or no answer, and my brain goes, that's

1284
00:45:33,704 --> 00:45:35,545
not even possible. That's not even Yeah. Actually,

1285
00:45:35,545 --> 00:45:37,304
the answer is 3. Where did he get

1286
00:45:37,304 --> 00:45:39,465
yes or no? Mhmm. So let me tell

1287
00:45:39,465 --> 00:45:41,704
you no. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead.

1288
00:45:41,704 --> 00:45:44,139
Go. Go. Go. You sure? Yeah. We kinda

1289
00:45:44,139 --> 00:45:46,460
suck at this, don't we? We're trying to

1290
00:45:46,460 --> 00:45:47,760
be polite to each other.

1291
00:45:49,260 --> 00:45:51,500
So this is not true every time. Mhmm.

1292
00:45:51,500 --> 00:45:53,019
Sometimes I just got questions I need to

1293
00:45:53,019 --> 00:45:53,519
understand.

1294
00:45:54,699 --> 00:45:55,679
My questioning

1295
00:45:56,335 --> 00:45:58,175
is not I'm glad you don't think it's

1296
00:45:58,175 --> 00:45:59,934
a lack of trust because a lot of

1297
00:45:59,934 --> 00:46:01,855
doms do think that, and it it can

1298
00:46:01,855 --> 00:46:02,994
be, but not always.

1299
00:46:03,614 --> 00:46:05,394
It's a lack of trust

1300
00:46:06,094 --> 00:46:06,994
in the world.

1301
00:46:08,510 --> 00:46:11,150
Not in every situation. Because sometimes that that

1302
00:46:11,150 --> 00:46:12,849
makes sense. But sometimes it's like,

1303
00:46:13,389 --> 00:46:14,050
you know,

1304
00:46:15,309 --> 00:46:16,609
you're asking a question,

1305
00:46:17,069 --> 00:46:18,909
yes or no. Or you want me to

1306
00:46:18,909 --> 00:46:20,510
do something and I put a pause and

1307
00:46:20,510 --> 00:46:22,885
go, but I have questions. It's because I

1308
00:46:22,885 --> 00:46:24,724
trust you and your judgment. You would not

1309
00:46:24,724 --> 00:46:26,565
be in the position you're in without it.

1310
00:46:26,565 --> 00:46:28,644
But I don't trust the world to work

1311
00:46:28,644 --> 00:46:30,565
out the way we think it's supposed to.

1312
00:46:30,565 --> 00:46:32,644
Oh, yeah. That's that's always true. That's always

1313
00:46:32,644 --> 00:46:34,664
true. That's not a new suspicion.

1314
00:46:35,125 --> 00:46:36,184
I've been that way

1315
00:46:37,239 --> 00:46:40,280
long time, but it's just it's closer to

1316
00:46:40,280 --> 00:46:43,099
the surface right now. Right? I don't have

1317
00:46:43,320 --> 00:46:46,059
the confidence in the world around me

1318
00:46:47,160 --> 00:46:49,320
to just go, I don't have to think

1319
00:46:49,320 --> 00:46:50,599
about this. I can shut down. I can

1320
00:46:50,599 --> 00:46:52,085
let my brain just calm down for a

1321
00:46:52,085 --> 00:46:53,924
second. And and see, on the on the

1322
00:46:53,924 --> 00:46:54,424
other

1323
00:46:55,204 --> 00:46:56,744
part of that question too,

1324
00:46:58,484 --> 00:47:00,184
I've known you long enough,

1325
00:47:00,644 --> 00:47:02,105
now after all these years,

1326
00:47:02,724 --> 00:47:03,224
and

1327
00:47:03,960 --> 00:47:06,359
I know how you are, and I know

1328
00:47:06,359 --> 00:47:07,500
for the most part

1329
00:47:08,280 --> 00:47:10,219
all those questions you're asking me

1330
00:47:10,599 --> 00:47:11,340
is because

1331
00:47:12,679 --> 00:47:13,579
you are

1332
00:47:14,119 --> 00:47:16,199
a perfectionist and you wanna make sure that

1333
00:47:16,199 --> 00:47:17,179
you have everything

1334
00:47:17,585 --> 00:47:20,005
in line so you can do that job

1335
00:47:20,224 --> 00:47:22,224
as well as you can. Because the most

1336
00:47:22,224 --> 00:47:24,144
in the most maddening thing is to be

1337
00:47:24,144 --> 00:47:25,684
inefficient. Why am I doing

1338
00:47:26,144 --> 00:47:27,824
work twice? Because I didn't do it right

1339
00:47:27,824 --> 00:47:29,505
the first fucking time. Let's just do it.

1340
00:47:29,505 --> 00:47:31,904
Yeah. First time. Yeah. And and I get

1341
00:47:31,904 --> 00:47:33,070
that. So, you know,

1342
00:47:33,530 --> 00:47:35,530
while while there are times that, yes, your

1343
00:47:35,530 --> 00:47:37,789
questions are like, oh, god. This again?

1344
00:47:38,170 --> 00:47:39,469
You know, I I know

1345
00:47:39,769 --> 00:47:42,090
what's behind it, you know, that you you

1346
00:47:42,090 --> 00:47:43,309
do wanna, you know,

1347
00:47:44,570 --> 00:47:47,070
serve and do the best you can. Mhmm.

1348
00:47:47,210 --> 00:47:47,710
Mhmm.

1349
00:47:48,864 --> 00:47:51,125
I wish we could, like, have, like, a

1350
00:47:51,345 --> 00:47:53,525
a signal or a code or a system

1351
00:47:54,144 --> 00:47:55,664
for I could let you know, hey. This

1352
00:47:55,664 --> 00:47:57,825
is a good day for Headspace. Just ask

1353
00:47:57,825 --> 00:47:59,045
and it shall be done.

1354
00:47:59,664 --> 00:48:01,425
Or you can wave a flag and go,

1355
00:48:01,425 --> 00:48:03,519
hey. I I don't have it for all

1356
00:48:03,519 --> 00:48:04,179
the questions.

1357
00:48:04,480 --> 00:48:05,920
You know? I don't know. I wish there

1358
00:48:05,920 --> 00:48:08,739
was an easier way to kind of Transition

1359
00:48:08,799 --> 00:48:10,319
that. See that right. Yeah. Now I do

1360
00:48:10,319 --> 00:48:12,420
wanna talk about the idea of unquestioning obedience

1361
00:48:12,639 --> 00:48:14,239
from not a perspective you and I have

1362
00:48:14,239 --> 00:48:16,159
to deal with anymore or maybe I don't

1363
00:48:16,159 --> 00:48:17,619
think I've ever been this way.

1364
00:48:18,215 --> 00:48:20,795
But is to me the what's the

1365
00:48:21,094 --> 00:48:23,835
insidious part of that. There are absolutely

1366
00:48:24,295 --> 00:48:27,114
dominant partners out there that want unquestioning obedience.

1367
00:48:27,335 --> 00:48:28,635
That is what they demand

1368
00:48:28,934 --> 00:48:31,114
and expect from their sickness of partner.

1369
00:48:33,030 --> 00:48:34,170
Couldn't be me.

1370
00:48:34,630 --> 00:48:36,230
And I and I wouldn't doubt that there

1371
00:48:36,230 --> 00:48:36,730
are,

1372
00:48:37,829 --> 00:48:40,090
folks out there that have negotiated

1373
00:48:40,710 --> 00:48:42,329
and have that kind of relationship.

1374
00:48:42,630 --> 00:48:43,610
The thing is

1375
00:48:43,910 --> 00:48:46,469
is that there's an inherent danger to it.

1376
00:48:46,469 --> 00:48:48,894
So you can have it and negotiate it

1377
00:48:48,894 --> 00:48:50,355
and work towards it

1378
00:48:50,894 --> 00:48:53,214
or experiment with it, but not without a

1379
00:48:53,214 --> 00:48:54,815
whole hell of a lot of trust in

1380
00:48:54,815 --> 00:48:55,474
one another.

1381
00:48:56,094 --> 00:48:58,014
And both sides of the slash have to

1382
00:48:58,014 --> 00:48:59,074
trust each other, but

1383
00:48:59,454 --> 00:49:01,074
for a submissive to just

1384
00:49:01,569 --> 00:49:03,889
do what they're told to do and to

1385
00:49:03,889 --> 00:49:07,170
believe that they the risk is minimal or

1386
00:49:07,170 --> 00:49:09,269
acceptable, that they will be taken care of,

1387
00:49:09,409 --> 00:49:11,030
that's a huge fucking responsibility.

1388
00:49:11,409 --> 00:49:12,949
The people I worry about

1389
00:49:13,329 --> 00:49:15,089
and I don't worry about like, I the

1390
00:49:15,089 --> 00:49:16,069
worry is twofold.

1391
00:49:16,530 --> 00:49:18,085
It's the newbies who don't know any better,

1392
00:49:18,085 --> 00:49:18,585
submissives,

1393
00:49:19,125 --> 00:49:21,204
who think submission is just doing what you're

1394
00:49:21,204 --> 00:49:22,825
told and never asking a question.

1395
00:49:23,285 --> 00:49:25,125
I worry for them on a, oh my

1396
00:49:25,125 --> 00:49:26,325
god, I don't want them to be hurt

1397
00:49:26,325 --> 00:49:29,285
level. And I worry about the, air quote,

1398
00:49:29,285 --> 00:49:32,079
doms who think that's what dominance is and

1399
00:49:32,079 --> 00:49:33,920
or don't give a fuck. They're just abusers

1400
00:49:33,920 --> 00:49:34,579
and predators.

1401
00:49:35,039 --> 00:49:36,800
And they wanna do what the fuck they

1402
00:49:36,800 --> 00:49:38,339
wanna do without any of the responsibility.

1403
00:49:39,199 --> 00:49:39,699
So

1404
00:49:40,719 --> 00:49:41,940
unquestioning obedience,

1405
00:49:43,760 --> 00:49:45,844
I think you can kind of want that

1406
00:49:45,844 --> 00:49:48,405
for yourself whichever way you go, you know,

1407
00:49:48,405 --> 00:49:49,304
side of the slash.

1408
00:49:49,684 --> 00:49:51,065
But in my opinion,

1409
00:49:51,444 --> 00:49:53,844
it's never the first fucking step, and I

1410
00:49:53,844 --> 00:49:56,885
want any submissive to give serious fucking side

1411
00:49:56,885 --> 00:49:58,650
eye to any air quote, Dom who is

1412
00:49:58,809 --> 00:50:00,329
demanding it when you don't even know their

1413
00:50:00,329 --> 00:50:02,489
fucking name. Right? You don't you don't know

1414
00:50:02,489 --> 00:50:04,650
their real telephone number. You don't know where

1415
00:50:04,650 --> 00:50:06,829
they live. Why do they get unquestioning

1416
00:50:07,210 --> 00:50:07,710
obedience?

1417
00:50:08,409 --> 00:50:10,889
Now that I am not saying my way

1418
00:50:10,889 --> 00:50:13,574
of questioning is the right way. Mine is

1419
00:50:13,574 --> 00:50:16,454
the neurotic anxious way. Okay. Let's just be

1420
00:50:16,454 --> 00:50:16,954
clear.

1421
00:50:19,175 --> 00:50:21,195
I think it is entirely possible

1422
00:50:22,454 --> 00:50:24,454
to have as thorough a conversation as you

1423
00:50:24,454 --> 00:50:25,815
are capable of. And I say what I

1424
00:50:25,815 --> 00:50:27,769
mean by that is the more you experience

1425
00:50:27,769 --> 00:50:28,750
and do, the more

1426
00:50:29,530 --> 00:50:31,530
nuanced those conversations become because they'll be based

1427
00:50:31,530 --> 00:50:33,469
on experience, not just theory. Right?

1428
00:50:33,769 --> 00:50:35,769
I think there are for some people, the

1429
00:50:35,769 --> 00:50:37,230
questions come in the negotiations.

1430
00:50:37,690 --> 00:50:39,449
Mhmm. Okay. You're gonna want me to do

1431
00:50:39,449 --> 00:50:41,684
this in this way? Okay. Let me try

1432
00:50:41,684 --> 00:50:43,125
to think of as many questions I can.

1433
00:50:43,125 --> 00:50:45,545
Let's let's look at this from different perspectives.

1434
00:50:45,605 --> 00:50:47,924
Right? And you can never know all the

1435
00:50:47,924 --> 00:50:50,164
questions you should ask. Don't even try. Don't

1436
00:50:50,164 --> 00:50:51,464
put that stress on yourself.

1437
00:50:52,420 --> 00:50:54,099
Would I put that stress on myself? Yes.

1438
00:50:54,099 --> 00:50:55,780
So I know I'm probably speaking to a

1439
00:50:55,780 --> 00:50:57,000
brick wall out there

1440
00:50:57,539 --> 00:50:58,980
for those of you who would stress. But

1441
00:50:58,980 --> 00:51:00,739
I'm gonna tell you, you can't know every

1442
00:51:00,739 --> 00:51:02,199
question you're gonna have

1443
00:51:02,579 --> 00:51:04,420
in the beginning. But I think that you

1444
00:51:04,420 --> 00:51:06,260
can try to be really thorough and then

1445
00:51:06,260 --> 00:51:08,224
practice unquestioning obedience.

1446
00:51:09,085 --> 00:51:10,684
Practice, and I mean that by,

1447
00:51:11,164 --> 00:51:12,845
you're gonna go through a day, a week,

1448
00:51:12,845 --> 00:51:15,085
or whatever of doing what you're told without

1449
00:51:15,085 --> 00:51:17,244
question unless it's a safety thing or consent

1450
00:51:17,244 --> 00:51:18,305
thing, a limit thing.

1451
00:51:18,605 --> 00:51:20,525
But there's gotta be a debrief. There's gotta

1452
00:51:20,525 --> 00:51:22,305
be a time while you're working through this

1453
00:51:22,400 --> 00:51:24,320
to talk about, hey. How did you feel?

1454
00:51:24,320 --> 00:51:25,680
Oh, this came up for me. Oh, I

1455
00:51:25,680 --> 00:51:27,840
got 10 questions. Now can we talk through

1456
00:51:27,840 --> 00:51:28,340
this?

1457
00:51:28,880 --> 00:51:31,039
So, you know, there's no such thing as

1458
00:51:31,039 --> 00:51:34,239
total unquestioning obedience Yeah. And run from the

1459
00:51:34,239 --> 00:51:35,860
motherfucker who expects it.

1460
00:51:36,160 --> 00:51:38,675
I think you can negotiate and ease into

1461
00:51:38,675 --> 00:51:40,775
it and find the way forward.

1462
00:51:41,155 --> 00:51:43,554
That does not mean a submissive cannot ask

1463
00:51:43,554 --> 00:51:45,655
their fucking questions and express their opinions.

1464
00:51:46,034 --> 00:51:48,454
Goes back to how you do that. Right?

1465
00:51:48,675 --> 00:51:50,355
And, you know, what does that look like,

1466
00:51:50,355 --> 00:51:51,954
and when is that done, and how do

1467
00:51:52,114 --> 00:51:52,855
what are your

1468
00:51:53,159 --> 00:51:53,659
safety

1469
00:51:54,119 --> 00:51:55,179
measures to

1470
00:51:55,960 --> 00:51:59,420
take, you know, take everybody's well-being into account

1471
00:51:59,480 --> 00:52:00,460
to do this? Because

1472
00:52:02,440 --> 00:52:05,159
I'm somehow, I'm too anxious to be this

1473
00:52:05,159 --> 00:52:07,799
kind of obedient, and yet I'm a people

1474
00:52:07,799 --> 00:52:08,894
pleaser from hell.

1475
00:52:09,295 --> 00:52:10,355
I cannot imagine

1476
00:52:10,735 --> 00:52:13,614
doing something for somebody that I felt was

1477
00:52:13,614 --> 00:52:16,094
gonna bring me inherent harm. Like, I was

1478
00:52:16,094 --> 00:52:18,175
terrified of it. I could see that I

1479
00:52:18,175 --> 00:52:19,155
was gonna get hurt.

1480
00:52:19,454 --> 00:52:21,775
There's not a soul on this fucking planet

1481
00:52:21,775 --> 00:52:22,755
I trust enough

1482
00:52:23,400 --> 00:52:25,559
to go. You're asking me to, like, cut

1483
00:52:25,559 --> 00:52:27,659
my finger off for you. I'll do it.

1484
00:52:29,400 --> 00:52:31,179
There are folks out there who

1485
00:52:31,480 --> 00:52:33,819
who, to their own detriment, will,

1486
00:52:34,279 --> 00:52:36,460
you know, just do what they're told. And

1487
00:52:36,894 --> 00:52:38,575
there there are reasons for that that I'm

1488
00:52:38,575 --> 00:52:40,894
not qualified to discuss. I'm not a mental

1489
00:52:40,894 --> 00:52:41,875
health professional.

1490
00:52:43,055 --> 00:52:45,135
But that means there's then a responsibility on

1491
00:52:45,135 --> 00:52:45,635
a

1492
00:52:46,015 --> 00:52:48,035
responsible dom, a good dom,

1493
00:52:48,414 --> 00:52:50,070
to be to watch out for that.

1494
00:52:50,630 --> 00:52:53,829
If you want unquestioning obedience, you need to

1495
00:52:53,829 --> 00:52:54,329
trust

1496
00:52:54,710 --> 00:52:57,030
that your partner will speak up about their

1497
00:52:57,030 --> 00:52:59,430
limits, will not put themselves in danger just

1498
00:52:59,430 --> 00:53:01,829
because you asked them to. Right? It's a

1499
00:53:01,829 --> 00:53:04,170
trust that goes both ways. And I think

1500
00:53:04,309 --> 00:53:04,809
that

1501
00:53:06,074 --> 00:53:08,175
I don't see enough conversations

1502
00:53:08,635 --> 00:53:09,375
about that.

1503
00:53:09,835 --> 00:53:11,755
We talk about submission. We talk about serving.

1504
00:53:11,755 --> 00:53:13,375
We people talk about obedience,

1505
00:53:13,755 --> 00:53:15,375
but there are inherent

1506
00:53:15,675 --> 00:53:16,175
dangers

1507
00:53:16,875 --> 00:53:17,375
to

1508
00:53:17,780 --> 00:53:20,579
some of the levels of obedience Mhmm. That

1509
00:53:20,579 --> 00:53:21,079
people

1510
00:53:21,380 --> 00:53:22,440
say they want.

1511
00:53:22,820 --> 00:53:24,500
I say say they want because some people

1512
00:53:24,500 --> 00:53:26,099
want that. They're they're working towards that. And

1513
00:53:26,099 --> 00:53:27,859
I think that's the thing you could work

1514
00:53:27,859 --> 00:53:30,054
towards if everybody's on the same page. And

1515
00:53:30,054 --> 00:53:32,235
I think some people say they want

1516
00:53:32,775 --> 00:53:34,155
that until they get that.

1517
00:53:34,855 --> 00:53:37,414
Because if I just said yes, daddy, to

1518
00:53:37,414 --> 00:53:39,494
everything you said to me, there would be

1519
00:53:39,494 --> 00:53:40,155
no banter.

1520
00:53:40,534 --> 00:53:42,454
I would be born. You would be born.

1521
00:53:42,454 --> 00:53:43,034
I would.

1522
00:53:44,579 --> 00:53:47,140
And that's a valid thing. Right? Like

1523
00:53:48,099 --> 00:53:49,460
and it's I think that's why I get

1524
00:53:49,460 --> 00:53:51,539
so kind of kind of in my feelings

1525
00:53:51,539 --> 00:53:54,500
about being called borderline brat because no. No.

1526
00:53:54,500 --> 00:53:56,360
No. No. At my core,

1527
00:53:56,900 --> 00:53:58,360
I want to be obedient.

1528
00:53:59,094 --> 00:54:00,695
And I want it I even want it

1529
00:54:00,695 --> 00:54:02,775
to be easy. The obedience to be easy

1530
00:54:02,775 --> 00:54:04,535
for both of us. Like, I don't want

1531
00:54:04,535 --> 00:54:06,135
it to be hard. I don't want it

1532
00:54:06,135 --> 00:54:08,135
unless we're playing and it's kinky and it's

1533
00:54:08,135 --> 00:54:09,755
a scene. I don't want it

1534
00:54:10,135 --> 00:54:12,074
air quote forced or taken or

1535
00:54:13,119 --> 00:54:14,480
I am not brave enough to tell this

1536
00:54:14,480 --> 00:54:15,699
man, make me

1537
00:54:16,079 --> 00:54:16,579
outside

1538
00:54:17,119 --> 00:54:18,579
a fuckery. Okay?

1539
00:54:19,920 --> 00:54:21,679
I am not prepared for those consequences. I

1540
00:54:21,679 --> 00:54:23,059
don't want those consequences.

1541
00:54:23,760 --> 00:54:25,994
But I do want the push and pull

1542
00:54:25,994 --> 00:54:28,234
of conversation and a thought. This is a

1543
00:54:28,234 --> 00:54:29,295
thought exercise.

1544
00:54:29,674 --> 00:54:30,414
The mental

1545
00:54:31,034 --> 00:54:33,214
back and forth. That's what I want.

1546
00:54:33,594 --> 00:54:34,335
But it's

1547
00:54:35,114 --> 00:54:36,094
so that I

1548
00:54:37,034 --> 00:54:38,635
1, because I think I'm funny. I want

1549
00:54:38,635 --> 00:54:40,139
us to go there. But 2, so that

1550
00:54:40,139 --> 00:54:41,900
I know that I am safe to go,

1551
00:54:41,900 --> 00:54:44,079
yes, daddy. Right. Whatever you say, daddy.

1552
00:54:44,539 --> 00:54:46,639
I'll do whatever you want, daddy. You know?

1553
00:54:46,699 --> 00:54:48,699
Because he knows when I say whatever, that

1554
00:54:48,699 --> 00:54:49,199
whatever

1555
00:54:49,500 --> 00:54:50,400
is, whatever

1556
00:54:51,579 --> 00:54:52,639
within my limits,

1557
00:54:52,985 --> 00:54:54,364
within my comfort zone,

1558
00:54:54,744 --> 00:54:56,985
within my own sense of risk awareness. Like,

1559
00:54:56,985 --> 00:54:57,485
that's

1560
00:54:58,025 --> 00:55:00,364
whatever should never just be whatever. Right?

1561
00:55:01,864 --> 00:55:03,864
So I think you can have obedience with

1562
00:55:03,864 --> 00:55:05,324
questions. I'm obedient.

1563
00:55:05,625 --> 00:55:06,684
I just have questions.

1564
00:55:07,070 --> 00:55:07,650
You are.

1565
00:55:08,590 --> 00:55:09,329
You are.

1566
00:55:10,989 --> 00:55:12,909
It's just that, you know, sometimes instead of

1567
00:55:12,909 --> 00:55:14,909
taking the the straight path through, we take

1568
00:55:14,909 --> 00:55:16,909
a convoluted way around. Look. Look. I have

1569
00:55:16,909 --> 00:55:18,849
been trying to educate you on neurodivergency

1570
00:55:19,469 --> 00:55:20,929
for a hot ass minute,

1571
00:55:22,765 --> 00:55:23,265
And

1572
00:55:24,284 --> 00:55:26,684
the, there is no straight path for me

1573
00:55:26,684 --> 00:55:28,304
from one thought to the next.

1574
00:55:28,765 --> 00:55:31,565
It's a meandering path. We probably backtracked a

1575
00:55:31,565 --> 00:55:32,925
little bit. We went over a hill. We

1576
00:55:32,925 --> 00:55:34,765
went through something. We went under something, and

1577
00:55:34,765 --> 00:55:37,460
we went around something. Yeah. 1, we got

1578
00:55:37,460 --> 00:55:40,019
there, for the record, unless I forgot in

1579
00:55:40,019 --> 00:55:41,319
the middle because that happened.

1580
00:55:42,099 --> 00:55:42,920
But 2,

1581
00:55:43,619 --> 00:55:44,359
I think

1582
00:55:44,739 --> 00:55:46,359
it's inherently more interesting

1583
00:55:47,619 --> 00:55:48,644
my on my path

1584
00:55:49,844 --> 00:55:50,344
because

1585
00:55:51,284 --> 00:55:53,844
things connect. The scenic route. Right? It's the

1586
00:55:53,844 --> 00:55:55,465
scenic route. Not everything

1587
00:55:55,765 --> 00:55:57,465
all the time always connects.

1588
00:55:58,005 --> 00:56:00,016
But different things and different thoughts you have,

1589
00:56:00,016 --> 00:56:00,108
and you make connections mentally. I just take

1590
00:56:00,108 --> 00:56:00,914
you on the journey as I make

1591
00:56:03,059 --> 00:56:04,469
connections mentally. I just take you on the

1592
00:56:04,469 --> 00:56:06,920
journey as I make those connections. That's all.

1593
00:56:07,460 --> 00:56:07,960
That's

1594
00:56:08,260 --> 00:56:10,659
all. I I think there is something to

1595
00:56:10,659 --> 00:56:12,920
that as well about, you know, there's personality.

1596
00:56:13,139 --> 00:56:15,639
There's maybe neurotype. There's there's compatibility

1597
00:56:16,179 --> 00:56:16,679
issues

1598
00:56:17,094 --> 00:56:17,835
in about,

1599
00:56:18,295 --> 00:56:20,875
obviously, about power exchange in general, dom sub.

1600
00:56:21,335 --> 00:56:23,015
But then in the nuances of what does

1601
00:56:23,015 --> 00:56:23,515
obedience

1602
00:56:24,135 --> 00:56:26,135
look like and what kind of obedience are

1603
00:56:26,135 --> 00:56:28,295
you, the dom, gonna get from the sub?

1604
00:56:28,295 --> 00:56:30,235
And what does the sub need

1605
00:56:31,019 --> 00:56:32,640
to feel like they can obey?

1606
00:56:33,179 --> 00:56:33,679
And,

1607
00:56:34,619 --> 00:56:35,119
thankfully,

1608
00:56:35,900 --> 00:56:38,320
90% of the time, JB is delighted

1609
00:56:38,940 --> 00:56:40,400
by my scenic route

1610
00:56:40,780 --> 00:56:42,800
on the way to to obedience.

1611
00:56:43,739 --> 00:56:45,660
But that what that means is a person

1612
00:56:45,660 --> 00:56:47,675
who could not tolerate that, we we would

1613
00:56:47,675 --> 00:56:50,235
never work. And if it's 2 people trying

1614
00:56:50,235 --> 00:56:50,974
to force

1615
00:56:51,515 --> 00:56:54,235
their their puzzle pieces from 2 different puzzles

1616
00:56:54,235 --> 00:56:54,894
to match,

1617
00:56:55,434 --> 00:56:57,434
you know, it's con there's conflict. And it's

1618
00:56:57,434 --> 00:56:59,594
not because anybody's bad. It's not because that's

1619
00:56:59,594 --> 00:57:01,619
a bad submissive or that's a bad dominant

1620
00:57:01,679 --> 00:57:02,179
necessarily.

1621
00:57:02,480 --> 00:57:04,340
It just means that you each

1622
00:57:04,800 --> 00:57:07,280
want essentially the same thing, dom sub, power

1623
00:57:07,280 --> 00:57:08,980
exchange, but your

1624
00:57:09,360 --> 00:57:11,280
method of of how you're gonna get it

1625
00:57:11,280 --> 00:57:13,244
and your tolerance for what it takes for

1626
00:57:13,485 --> 00:57:14,765
the other side of the slash to give

1627
00:57:14,765 --> 00:57:15,664
you what you want

1628
00:57:15,965 --> 00:57:18,385
may be completely different. And that's

1629
00:57:18,845 --> 00:57:21,805
worthy of a conversation. Right? Like, if every

1630
00:57:21,805 --> 00:57:23,805
time JB asked me a what he thinks

1631
00:57:23,805 --> 00:57:25,739
is a yes or no question, he was

1632
00:57:26,059 --> 00:57:28,940
always annoyed that I was like, nope. There's

1633
00:57:28,940 --> 00:57:31,099
a third option you didn't consider here. And

1634
00:57:31,099 --> 00:57:32,159
that's it depends.

1635
00:57:32,539 --> 00:57:34,300
If he was always annoyed by that, it

1636
00:57:34,300 --> 00:57:36,559
would never fucking work. It would never work.

1637
00:57:36,860 --> 00:57:39,119
He is annoyed when he has a tolerance

1638
00:57:39,260 --> 00:57:41,114
level for it when he's in a good

1639
00:57:41,114 --> 00:57:43,275
head space. That's all I can ever ask.

1640
00:57:43,275 --> 00:57:45,035
He doesn't have to love all my scenic

1641
00:57:45,035 --> 00:57:46,735
routes and my weird ways of thinking.

1642
00:57:47,114 --> 00:57:47,855
He doesn't.

1643
00:57:48,155 --> 00:57:49,695
He mostly just has to tolerate

1644
00:57:51,035 --> 00:57:52,574
them. Just like I try.

1645
00:57:52,875 --> 00:57:53,695
I try.

1646
00:57:54,389 --> 00:57:56,630
I genuinely try to give yes or no

1647
00:57:56,630 --> 00:57:58,809
answers when you ask for them. I genuinely

1648
00:57:58,869 --> 00:58:01,109
try to just do the thing when you

1649
00:58:01,109 --> 00:58:03,190
ask me to just do the thing, and

1650
00:58:03,190 --> 00:58:05,429
sometimes I do. I want it on the

1651
00:58:05,429 --> 00:58:07,094
record. Mhmm. So once you go, baby girl,

1652
00:58:07,094 --> 00:58:08,135
I got a task for you, and then

1653
00:58:08,135 --> 00:58:10,215
I'll just go fucking do it. You you

1654
00:58:10,215 --> 00:58:12,454
you have made since we have started, you

1655
00:58:12,454 --> 00:58:12,954
know,

1656
00:58:15,094 --> 00:58:15,594
reinvigorating

1657
00:58:16,054 --> 00:58:17,514
our our power exchange,

1658
00:58:19,269 --> 00:58:20,789
you know, you did say to me that

1659
00:58:20,789 --> 00:58:21,289
you

1660
00:58:21,589 --> 00:58:22,809
want to work on

1661
00:58:24,789 --> 00:58:28,150
being more, you know, mindful Mhmm. In your

1662
00:58:28,150 --> 00:58:29,929
in your submission and your obedience,

1663
00:58:30,905 --> 00:58:33,005
And and I have have noticed that.

1664
00:58:33,385 --> 00:58:35,545
You you have been. Oh, good. I'm I'm

1665
00:58:35,545 --> 00:58:37,545
glad it's because I question, am I really

1666
00:58:37,545 --> 00:58:38,824
doing what I think I'm trying to do?

1667
00:58:38,824 --> 00:58:41,085
You are. Okay. Good. You are. Okay. Good.

1668
00:58:41,464 --> 00:58:42,125
You are.

1669
00:58:43,864 --> 00:58:45,710
Because I know that there are Come

1670
00:58:46,170 --> 00:58:46,670
on.

1671
00:58:46,969 --> 00:58:47,469
Yeah.

1672
00:58:48,809 --> 00:58:48,998
Because I know that there are parts of

1673
00:58:48,998 --> 00:58:49,186
my personality that from the outside looking in

1674
00:58:49,186 --> 00:58:50,909
do not seem compatible with submission.

1675
00:58:51,210 --> 00:58:53,309
I got too many thoughts and opinions, y'all,

1676
00:58:53,769 --> 00:58:55,849
and I like things to turn out the

1677
00:58:55,849 --> 00:58:57,449
way I think they should. I mean, don't

1678
00:58:57,449 --> 00:58:58,650
we all? But you know what I mean?

1679
00:58:58,650 --> 00:59:00,804
Like, there's, again, there's kind of a neurotic

1680
00:59:00,864 --> 00:59:02,625
level to that. I don't even know if

1681
00:59:02,625 --> 00:59:04,545
neurotic is the correct term to use anymore,

1682
00:59:04,545 --> 00:59:06,224
but it feels like it fits because I'm

1683
00:59:06,224 --> 00:59:07,764
old, and that's the word I know.

1684
00:59:09,585 --> 00:59:10,324
You know?

1685
00:59:11,904 --> 00:59:12,404
I

1686
00:59:14,224 --> 00:59:14,885
I just

1687
00:59:15,440 --> 00:59:16,660
I cannot possibly

1688
00:59:16,960 --> 00:59:18,820
only be speaking for myself, but

1689
00:59:19,440 --> 00:59:20,880
I I am speaking for myself when I

1690
00:59:20,880 --> 00:59:23,539
say deep down. I want to be obedient.

1691
00:59:24,400 --> 00:59:26,800
I just I think we also all of

1692
00:59:26,800 --> 00:59:28,500
us as individuals have to

1693
00:59:29,694 --> 00:59:31,714
broaden our understanding of what obedience

1694
00:59:32,414 --> 00:59:34,914
looks like and how somebody gets there.

1695
00:59:35,694 --> 00:59:36,194
And

1696
00:59:36,734 --> 00:59:37,714
because I

1697
00:59:39,295 --> 00:59:39,795
feel

1698
00:59:40,574 --> 00:59:41,074
safer

1699
00:59:43,280 --> 00:59:45,440
in the knowledge that you are ready to

1700
00:59:45,440 --> 00:59:47,199
take on more of the demands of being

1701
00:59:47,199 --> 00:59:48,559
a dominant and that you are doing that

1702
00:59:48,559 --> 00:59:49,760
and you're trying to do that. And I

1703
00:59:49,760 --> 00:59:52,320
feel safer that not every decision we make

1704
00:59:52,320 --> 00:59:55,345
is fucking catastrophic anymore. And I feel like

1705
00:59:55,345 --> 00:59:57,664
we have our bearings in life now, and

1706
00:59:57,664 --> 00:59:58,485
it's not

1707
00:59:59,105 --> 01:00:02,144
we're not constantly just surviving. Maybe. Hey. Maybe

1708
01:00:02,144 --> 01:00:03,125
we'll start thriving.

1709
01:00:03,505 --> 01:00:04,805
Who knows? Right? Like,

1710
01:00:05,345 --> 01:00:06,144
those things

1711
01:00:07,530 --> 01:00:09,050
I I think for many people, but I

1712
01:00:09,050 --> 01:00:10,489
just know for me, have to be in

1713
01:00:10,489 --> 01:00:11,949
place for me to be

1714
01:00:12,650 --> 01:00:14,429
a level of obedient

1715
01:00:14,890 --> 01:00:17,630
that we both want me to be. Right?

1716
01:00:19,050 --> 01:00:21,869
Because it's fun to banter and be silly

1717
01:00:22,410 --> 01:00:22,910
when

1718
01:00:23,424 --> 01:00:25,764
it's not that fucking serious. Right.

1719
01:00:26,304 --> 01:00:28,484
And when everything feels

1720
01:00:29,105 --> 01:00:30,324
that fucking serious,

1721
01:00:30,625 --> 01:00:32,804
maybe because it is, maybe because it's anxiety,

1722
01:00:34,385 --> 01:00:34,885
it's

1723
01:00:35,639 --> 01:00:37,400
it's no longer banter. It's

1724
01:00:37,960 --> 01:00:39,880
I need to be sure. I need to

1725
01:00:39,880 --> 01:00:41,639
have I need to know it's safe to

1726
01:00:41,639 --> 01:00:42,139
just

1727
01:00:42,679 --> 01:00:44,059
let go to submit.

1728
01:00:45,159 --> 01:00:47,400
And I know over the past few years,

1729
01:00:47,400 --> 01:00:49,034
I have not reckoned with that at all.

1730
01:00:49,034 --> 01:00:50,714
I couldn't reckon with it until I could

1731
01:00:50,714 --> 01:00:52,234
get kind of outside of it and look

1732
01:00:52,234 --> 01:00:54,074
back and go, oh, I both want to

1733
01:00:54,074 --> 01:00:56,155
be different. And also, that was not me

1734
01:00:56,155 --> 01:00:57,534
at my best, was it?

1735
01:00:58,474 --> 01:00:59,534
No. It was not.

1736
01:01:02,059 --> 01:01:03,420
There were other things I wanted to say

1737
01:01:03,420 --> 01:01:06,059
about obedience, and now they have flown out

1738
01:01:06,059 --> 01:01:07,119
of my brain hole.

1739
01:01:09,260 --> 01:01:10,940
But I I think here's the thing. I

1740
01:01:10,940 --> 01:01:11,760
think that

1741
01:01:13,179 --> 01:01:15,465
even if we had maintained a life where

1742
01:01:15,545 --> 01:01:17,144
all I we did was banter back and

1743
01:01:17,144 --> 01:01:18,985
forth on things you asked me to do,

1744
01:01:18,985 --> 01:01:20,425
and there was a a light push and

1745
01:01:20,425 --> 01:01:23,405
pull, I think without all the insanity

1746
01:01:23,704 --> 01:01:24,204
that

1747
01:01:24,664 --> 01:01:26,184
that's gone on, I think that would have

1748
01:01:26,184 --> 01:01:28,069
gotten old for both of us. Maybe. There's

1749
01:01:28,150 --> 01:01:29,750
there is a level of this too much

1750
01:01:29,750 --> 01:01:31,670
fucking playtime. Can you just do the thing

1751
01:01:31,670 --> 01:01:34,070
you're fucking asked to do? Like, there's a

1752
01:01:34,070 --> 01:01:36,710
balance, and everybody's balance is in, you know,

1753
01:01:36,710 --> 01:01:37,690
uniquely individual.

1754
01:01:39,695 --> 01:01:41,474
You like it until you're, like,

1755
01:01:41,855 --> 01:01:43,454
this ain't the moment for it. And I

1756
01:01:43,454 --> 01:01:44,914
have not previously,

1757
01:01:45,454 --> 01:01:47,054
I had not kind of been forced to

1758
01:01:47,054 --> 01:01:48,755
learn how to read the room on that.

1759
01:01:49,695 --> 01:01:51,454
And then I I did have to learn

1760
01:01:51,454 --> 01:01:53,579
to read the room. Hopefully, that means I'll

1761
01:01:53,579 --> 01:01:55,680
find a a good balance this time around.

1762
01:01:59,900 --> 01:02:02,300
So yeah. I've obedience is not as cut

1763
01:02:02,300 --> 01:02:03,739
and dry, I think, as some people think

1764
01:02:03,739 --> 01:02:04,640
it is. No.

1765
01:02:05,019 --> 01:02:07,019
I'm very I I would have to say,

1766
01:02:07,019 --> 01:02:08,640
you know, just like anything else

1767
01:02:10,355 --> 01:02:12,675
in in the BDSM world or, you know,

1768
01:02:12,675 --> 01:02:14,534
just obedience is a spectrum.

1769
01:02:14,835 --> 01:02:15,335
Absolutely.

1770
01:02:15,635 --> 01:02:18,034
And I think that the kind of obedience

1771
01:02:18,034 --> 01:02:20,114
a person is willing to give or a

1772
01:02:20,114 --> 01:02:21,894
a dom partner receives

1773
01:02:22,275 --> 01:02:24,179
is based on way more factors than, yes,

1774
01:02:24,179 --> 01:02:25,940
I identify as submissive, and here's what that

1775
01:02:25,940 --> 01:02:28,500
means to me. There's safety and trust and

1776
01:02:28,500 --> 01:02:30,440
comfort level. And I am

1777
01:02:31,699 --> 01:02:33,780
never gonna be entirely comfortable with the idea

1778
01:02:33,780 --> 01:02:36,019
of an unquestioning obedience because I don't fucking

1779
01:02:36,019 --> 01:02:37,994
trust it. Everybody has questions at at some

1780
01:02:37,994 --> 01:02:39,214
point and or

1781
01:02:40,795 --> 01:02:42,414
asking questions is like

1782
01:02:43,114 --> 01:02:45,034
working a muscle. Like, you can get used

1783
01:02:45,034 --> 01:02:46,335
to never asking questions.

1784
01:02:46,954 --> 01:02:48,634
I I I live in the public world,

1785
01:02:48,634 --> 01:02:50,315
and I look outside my house from time

1786
01:02:50,315 --> 01:02:52,154
to time. People can get very fucking used

1787
01:02:52,154 --> 01:02:53,960
to not asking questions, and that's not always

1788
01:02:53,960 --> 01:02:54,780
a good thing.

1789
01:02:56,199 --> 01:02:58,199
And so if you're a dom with a

1790
01:02:58,199 --> 01:02:59,719
a submissive who has not asked you a

1791
01:02:59,719 --> 01:03:01,260
question in an age,

1792
01:03:01,799 --> 01:03:04,219
I think that's worth a check-in. Okay?

1793
01:03:04,599 --> 01:03:06,440
And if you are a submissive who thinks

1794
01:03:06,440 --> 01:03:07,579
you can't ask questions,

1795
01:03:09,125 --> 01:03:10,905
that's time for some questions because

1796
01:03:13,284 --> 01:03:14,744
the timing, the method,

1797
01:03:15,284 --> 01:03:17,364
even the tone of the questions, that's all

1798
01:03:17,364 --> 01:03:18,505
negotiable. Right?

1799
01:03:19,204 --> 01:03:20,984
But the questions are nonnegotiable.

1800
01:03:21,444 --> 01:03:23,844
The ability to go, I don't understand. I'm

1801
01:03:23,844 --> 01:03:24,344
confused.

1802
01:03:24,989 --> 01:03:25,650
I'm uncertain.

1803
01:03:26,429 --> 01:03:28,130
I think there's a better way.

1804
01:03:28,510 --> 01:03:30,530
Like, I think it's a piss poor dominant

1805
01:03:30,590 --> 01:03:31,409
who does not

1806
01:03:31,710 --> 01:03:34,130
lean on to the extent that it's safe,

1807
01:03:34,269 --> 01:03:36,449
the strengths of their submissive. If you're submissive

1808
01:03:36,554 --> 01:03:38,474
smart as shit, you need to be like,

1809
01:03:38,474 --> 01:03:40,795
please be smart as shit for me because

1810
01:03:40,795 --> 01:03:43,034
we will both benefit from this. But if,

1811
01:03:43,034 --> 01:03:44,234
you know, you're the type of person who's

1812
01:03:44,234 --> 01:03:45,514
like, well, I'm the dumb. I'm in charge.

1813
01:03:45,514 --> 01:03:46,734
It doesn't actually matter

1814
01:03:47,034 --> 01:03:49,295
your knowledge, your experience, your way.

1815
01:03:50,554 --> 01:03:51,375
Oh, that's grotesque.

1816
01:03:51,755 --> 01:03:52,494
That's grotesque.

1817
01:03:55,969 --> 01:03:57,829
Obedience with questions is

1818
01:03:58,130 --> 01:03:59,809
the line I fall on. And I think

1819
01:03:59,809 --> 01:04:01,329
it's worth going back to what we talked

1820
01:04:01,329 --> 01:04:03,349
about when we were sort of defining obedience.

1821
01:04:05,065 --> 01:04:06,664
As a person who is obedient or who

1822
01:04:06,664 --> 01:04:09,144
wants to be obedient, think about why you're

1823
01:04:09,144 --> 01:04:11,965
obedient. Think about what drives your obedience.

1824
01:04:12,425 --> 01:04:13,864
I think it's okay if it's just one

1825
01:04:13,864 --> 01:04:15,324
thing. It's just fear of consequences.

1826
01:04:15,625 --> 01:04:17,465
It's just because you're kind of agreeable. It's

1827
01:04:17,465 --> 01:04:19,244
just that's fine.

1828
01:04:19,864 --> 01:04:20,364
But

1829
01:04:20,780 --> 01:04:22,800
understanding yourself a little bit better

1830
01:04:23,739 --> 01:04:26,619
can sometimes be helpful in those moments when

1831
01:04:26,619 --> 01:04:27,440
your behavior

1832
01:04:27,900 --> 01:04:30,460
is not matching who you think you are

1833
01:04:30,460 --> 01:04:33,335
or who you're trying to be either. Like,

1834
01:04:33,795 --> 01:04:35,954
fear of consequences, that's a good motivator for

1835
01:04:35,954 --> 01:04:37,574
me. It really is.

1836
01:04:38,195 --> 01:04:40,215
Also, I'm agreeable, but also

1837
01:04:41,635 --> 01:04:44,355
ambiguity and lack of information is less likely

1838
01:04:44,355 --> 01:04:45,414
to make me obedient.

1839
01:04:46,109 --> 01:04:48,509
So if one of the factors I need

1840
01:04:48,509 --> 01:04:51,150
for obedience to be obedient is not being

1841
01:04:51,150 --> 01:04:51,650
met,

1842
01:04:52,429 --> 01:04:53,969
I'm obedient but with questions.

1843
01:04:54,349 --> 01:04:56,529
I need a conversation. I need some context.

1844
01:04:57,309 --> 01:04:59,184
Right? Like, but that's an under and that's

1845
01:04:59,184 --> 01:05:01,744
an understanding I've come to for myself over

1846
01:05:01,744 --> 01:05:02,244
time.

1847
01:05:02,625 --> 01:05:04,545
And it's been put in words by just

1848
01:05:04,545 --> 01:05:05,045
having

1849
01:05:05,744 --> 01:05:07,664
the resources that I looked up for this

1850
01:05:07,664 --> 01:05:09,744
episode. Mhmm. I I understood it on, like,

1851
01:05:09,744 --> 01:05:11,425
a visceral level, but I didn't have words

1852
01:05:11,425 --> 01:05:13,349
for it. And that those words make sense

1853
01:05:13,349 --> 01:05:14,010
to me.

1854
01:05:14,789 --> 01:05:16,789
So I'm saying, yes. Obedience is an inherent

1855
01:05:16,789 --> 01:05:17,609
part of submission,

1856
01:05:17,909 --> 01:05:20,710
but like everything we do, it's it's worthy

1857
01:05:20,710 --> 01:05:22,730
of introspection and questioning. Mhmm.

1858
01:05:23,190 --> 01:05:24,170
That's all I'm saying.

1859
01:05:25,029 --> 01:05:26,204
That's very true.

1860
01:05:26,744 --> 01:05:29,244
Anything you would like to add? Mhmm. Okay.

1861
01:05:29,944 --> 01:05:30,984
So I guess we can be done and

1862
01:05:30,984 --> 01:05:32,744
go into a bonus section. Yeah. So we're

1863
01:05:32,744 --> 01:05:33,804
good? I don't know.

1864
01:05:35,144 --> 01:05:36,824
Keep it kinky, y'all. I will see you

1865
01:05:36,824 --> 01:05:37,565
next week.

1866
01:05:47,000 --> 01:05:47,500
Dada.

1867
01:05:48,199 --> 01:05:49,719
Yes, baby girl. Can we talk to the

1868
01:05:49,719 --> 01:05:50,699
crickets, please?

1869
01:05:51,480 --> 01:05:51,885
Yes.

1870
01:05:52,284 --> 01:05:52,784
Yay.

1871
01:05:53,164 --> 01:05:54,224
Yes, we can.

1872
01:05:55,085 --> 01:05:56,385
I've got nothing to say.

1873
01:05:57,244 --> 01:05:58,764
Well, it's been, I mean, it's been kind

1874
01:05:58,764 --> 01:06:00,445
of a quiet week. It it has been

1875
01:06:00,445 --> 01:06:01,664
kind of a quiet week.

1876
01:06:02,605 --> 01:06:03,905
You know, we are

1877
01:06:07,309 --> 01:06:08,450
experiencing our

1878
01:06:08,829 --> 01:06:11,170
our aspect of the arctic blast here,

1879
01:06:11,470 --> 01:06:12,349
where we live.

1880
01:06:12,829 --> 01:06:15,390
It has not snowed. No. I'm grateful for

1881
01:06:15,390 --> 01:06:17,550
that. Yeah. We they did call for,

1882
01:06:18,670 --> 01:06:19,809
flurries, but,

1883
01:06:20,414 --> 01:06:22,175
so far have not seen any. Not at

1884
01:06:22,175 --> 01:06:23,614
our house? Not at our yeah. Not in

1885
01:06:23,614 --> 01:06:25,074
this area here, at least.

1886
01:06:25,535 --> 01:06:26,035
But,

1887
01:06:27,215 --> 01:06:30,195
my gosh. Tallahassee last night, they were expecting

1888
01:06:30,335 --> 01:06:33,730
an inch an hour. Mhmm. Pensacola, it's currently

1889
01:06:33,789 --> 01:06:35,789
unofficial last time I saw it, but they

1890
01:06:35,789 --> 01:06:39,170
think Pensacola got about 8.8 inches. Yeah.

1891
01:06:39,789 --> 01:06:40,289
Yep.

1892
01:06:41,150 --> 01:06:42,050
Like, I have

1893
01:06:42,429 --> 01:06:44,744
memories of being in the Panhandle area and

1894
01:06:44,744 --> 01:06:46,585
seeing a little bit of snow, seeing flurries.

1895
01:06:46,585 --> 01:06:48,204
Like, it was rare, but, yeah,

1896
01:06:48,904 --> 01:06:51,625
snow that stuck to the ground and then

1897
01:06:51,625 --> 01:06:53,404
accumulated it. No less. Yeah.

1898
01:06:53,864 --> 01:06:56,424
Imagine. Damn. No. We are in Florida for

1899
01:06:56,424 --> 01:06:58,210
a reason, y'all, and it's to get away

1900
01:06:58,210 --> 01:06:59,349
from that. Right?

1901
01:07:00,369 --> 01:07:03,570
Right? Yeah. Everything so I know folks who

1902
01:07:03,570 --> 01:07:05,329
deal with actual cold are gonna find this

1903
01:07:05,329 --> 01:07:06,150
humorous, but

1904
01:07:06,849 --> 01:07:09,010
give me a second here. Everything's fucking shut

1905
01:07:09,010 --> 01:07:11,425
down because we don't have there's no snow

1906
01:07:11,425 --> 01:07:12,644
tires. There's no

1907
01:07:13,025 --> 01:07:14,224
salt for the I don't even know what

1908
01:07:14,224 --> 01:07:16,065
the fuck you do. Salt? There's none of

1909
01:07:16,065 --> 01:07:17,664
that. Like They they salt the road, you

1910
01:07:17,664 --> 01:07:19,764
know, I think at least they used to.

1911
01:07:20,465 --> 01:07:22,704
You know, plows, obviously. We we don't and

1912
01:07:22,704 --> 01:07:23,824
I saw that on the news today. They

1913
01:07:23,824 --> 01:07:25,451
were like, yeah. A lot a lot of

1914
01:07:25,451 --> 01:07:27,720
places that could get snow have to close.

1915
01:07:27,720 --> 01:07:29,989
We do not own a snowplow in our

1916
01:07:29,989 --> 01:07:32,259
communities. Like, I'm sure you can retrofit or

1917
01:07:32,259 --> 01:07:34,528
do something, but we are prepared for hurricanes,

1918
01:07:34,528 --> 01:07:36,797
y'all. If the wind and the rain wanna

1919
01:07:36,797 --> 01:07:38,965
get us, we got plans. Right. We're good.

1920
01:07:38,965 --> 01:07:40,565
We'll go our ass to work. But this

1921
01:07:40,565 --> 01:07:41,304
cold shit?

1922
01:07:41,844 --> 01:07:43,605
Not if the white stuff's coming out of

1923
01:07:43,605 --> 01:07:45,445
the sky. Hell, we don't know what to

1924
01:07:45,445 --> 01:07:47,605
do. And the joke has been online, and

1925
01:07:47,605 --> 01:07:48,885
it's a true thing. That's why it's so

1926
01:07:48,885 --> 01:07:50,804
fucking funny. These people don't know how to

1927
01:07:50,804 --> 01:07:53,065
drive when it's sunny in 75. Right.

1928
01:07:53,400 --> 01:07:55,400
We're we are not leaving our house today.

1929
01:07:55,400 --> 01:07:57,559
Little freezing rain or, you know, snow on

1930
01:07:57,559 --> 01:07:59,099
the ground? Forget it.

1931
01:07:59,960 --> 01:08:01,739
And Ra Ra is right and live chat.

1932
01:08:01,799 --> 01:08:03,339
Hell froze over. Yep.

1933
01:08:03,639 --> 01:08:06,119
Yeah. Mhmm. I did see I did see

1934
01:08:06,119 --> 01:08:07,965
a thing online that also made me laugh

1935
01:08:08,445 --> 01:08:10,545
that, I guess people from other countries

1936
01:08:11,325 --> 01:08:13,105
have put this little thing out that's like,

1937
01:08:13,644 --> 01:08:15,664
other countries look at the US

1938
01:08:16,045 --> 01:08:18,305
the way that the US looks at Florida.

1939
01:08:19,005 --> 01:08:19,505
Oh,

1940
01:08:21,324 --> 01:08:21,824
so

1941
01:08:25,560 --> 01:08:27,560
wow. The whole US the whole US is

1942
01:08:27,560 --> 01:08:30,439
like Florida? To to other to some people

1943
01:08:30,439 --> 01:08:32,920
in some other countries. Yes. Man, that's scary.

1944
01:08:32,920 --> 01:08:34,939
I know it's terrifying. I'm so sorry.

1945
01:08:35,560 --> 01:08:36,060
Also,

1946
01:08:36,784 --> 01:08:39,664
I mean, sometimes it's sometimes it's terrifying. More

1947
01:08:39,664 --> 01:08:40,885
often than not, it's terrifying.

1948
01:08:41,264 --> 01:08:43,505
But sometimes it's hilarious because Florida man and

1949
01:08:43,505 --> 01:08:46,224
Florida woman and Florida cat and Florida dog

1950
01:08:46,224 --> 01:08:47,524
and Florida alligator.

1951
01:08:47,984 --> 01:08:50,064
Those headlines are real. Those are real things

1952
01:08:50,064 --> 01:08:51,284
that have started a headline.

1953
01:08:51,904 --> 01:08:53,640
Some weird chat about them. I I I

1954
01:08:53,640 --> 01:08:56,520
wonder if it's the same way. I know

1955
01:08:56,520 --> 01:08:59,159
for me, at least, you know, I I

1956
01:08:59,159 --> 01:09:00,380
view Australia.

1957
01:09:00,760 --> 01:09:02,939
Oh, I'm terrified of Australia, but I saw

1958
01:09:03,239 --> 01:09:05,560
a reel that was probably a TikTok. Oh,

1959
01:09:05,560 --> 01:09:07,079
that's a whole thing I'm not getting into.

1960
01:09:07,079 --> 01:09:07,994
Thank I'm just

1961
01:09:09,114 --> 01:09:10,175
that's a whole thing.

1962
01:09:10,954 --> 01:09:12,715
I'm not qualified to talk on TikTok, but

1963
01:09:12,715 --> 01:09:14,655
I am watching and my eyes are wide.

1964
01:09:16,555 --> 01:09:19,055
But there was somebody from Australia, I guess,

1965
01:09:19,755 --> 01:09:20,655
who said,

1966
01:09:21,195 --> 01:09:23,729
let me explain Australia to those who have

1967
01:09:23,729 --> 01:09:25,989
not been there and to Americans, I think.

1968
01:09:26,369 --> 01:09:27,649
And so they went kind of through the

1969
01:09:27,649 --> 01:09:29,409
geography and they're like, this part right here,

1970
01:09:29,409 --> 01:09:31,329
I don't remember names, that's like the New

1971
01:09:31,329 --> 01:09:33,409
York City. And over here, that's like the

1972
01:09:33,409 --> 01:09:33,909
California.

1973
01:09:34,265 --> 01:09:35,864
And then there was some spot. I couldn't

1974
01:09:35,864 --> 01:09:37,064
tell how big or small it was. They're

1975
01:09:37,064 --> 01:09:40,524
like, that's like Florida. There's crocodiles. There's snakes.

1976
01:09:42,104 --> 01:09:44,744
There's crazy people. I was like, okay. And

1977
01:09:44,744 --> 01:09:47,520
they just kinda went around, like, the the

1978
01:09:47,520 --> 01:09:50,159
geography of Australia Mhmm. And related it to,

1979
01:09:50,159 --> 01:09:52,399
like, US states and and areas. And I

1980
01:09:52,399 --> 01:09:54,420
was like, oh, okay. I understand.

1981
01:09:56,319 --> 01:09:58,399
They're like I I think their premise was

1982
01:09:58,399 --> 01:10:01,454
you're looking at Australia Australia like it's all,

1983
01:10:01,515 --> 01:10:02,015
like,

1984
01:10:02,555 --> 01:10:05,114
bugs and reptiles that wanna eat you, and

1985
01:10:05,114 --> 01:10:07,695
actually, it's a little more diverse than Yeah.

1986
01:10:09,275 --> 01:10:09,775
No.

1987
01:10:10,954 --> 01:10:13,560
Let's see what else. Lola has an appointment

1988
01:10:14,119 --> 01:10:14,619
with

1989
01:10:15,266 --> 01:10:15,766
the,

1990
01:10:17,560 --> 01:10:18,859
ophthalmologist. Ophthalmologist.

1991
01:10:19,239 --> 01:10:20,439
That's a fun word to say. Yeah. It's

1992
01:10:20,439 --> 01:10:22,039
right up there with the aesthetic for me.

1993
01:10:22,039 --> 01:10:23,979
Mhmm. Ophthalmologist. Well, the,

1994
01:10:25,855 --> 01:10:28,295
the, medication has helped her eye, but is

1995
01:10:28,295 --> 01:10:28,695
not

1996
01:10:29,175 --> 01:10:31,034
still is not, a 100%.

1997
01:10:31,975 --> 01:10:33,335
So we're gonna get her in and see

1998
01:10:33,335 --> 01:10:34,875
what they have to say. Mhmm.

1999
01:10:36,055 --> 01:10:39,069
We got the car running like it's not

2000
01:10:39,069 --> 01:10:41,789
a 13 year old vehicle anymore. Yeah. We

2001
01:10:41,789 --> 01:10:44,430
did that. Yeah. Had just had to crawl

2002
01:10:44,430 --> 01:10:45,949
in, had a bunch of work done on

2003
01:10:45,949 --> 01:10:46,449
that.

2004
01:10:47,229 --> 01:10:49,890
Yeah. So, I also learned that,

2005
01:10:50,350 --> 01:10:51,789
a decade or more of,

2006
01:10:52,375 --> 01:10:53,835
accidentally hopping curbs

2007
01:10:54,215 --> 01:10:56,375
when I'm driving is not actually good for

2008
01:10:56,375 --> 01:10:57,114
your car.

2009
01:10:57,814 --> 01:11:01,494
No. No. No. A wheel something something had

2010
01:11:01,494 --> 01:11:04,215
to be repaired before it fell off my

2011
01:11:04,215 --> 01:11:06,314
car. A a, lug nut was

2012
01:11:08,659 --> 01:11:09,800
loose. Yep.

2013
01:11:10,820 --> 01:11:11,399
Had zenclosed.

2014
01:11:11,780 --> 01:11:12,280
Yeah.

2015
01:11:12,659 --> 01:11:15,460
Mhmm. Yeah. I was like, oh, so I

2016
01:11:15,460 --> 01:11:17,780
shouldn't be so nonchalant when I I don't

2017
01:11:17,780 --> 01:11:20,020
try to hop curbs. Y'all, I'm trying to

2018
01:11:20,020 --> 01:11:20,447
make a turn, but sometimes I misjudge because

2019
01:11:20,447 --> 01:11:21,729
my depth perception is not good. Yeah. I'm

2020
01:11:24,614 --> 01:11:25,434
depth perception

2021
01:11:25,734 --> 01:11:27,114
is not good. Yeah.

2022
01:11:28,774 --> 01:11:30,534
Yeah. So, I mean, that that's kind of

2023
01:11:30,694 --> 01:11:31,354
I've been

2024
01:11:31,895 --> 01:11:33,734
I have not been working very much in

2025
01:11:33,734 --> 01:11:34,395
the shop,

2026
01:11:34,854 --> 01:11:35,354
actually,

2027
01:11:36,135 --> 01:11:37,434
with this cold weather.

2028
01:11:39,469 --> 01:11:41,869
And I know they won't it's not that

2029
01:11:41,869 --> 01:11:44,770
cold in Florida compared to other places, but

2030
01:11:44,989 --> 01:11:46,689
to to us, to me,

2031
01:11:47,149 --> 01:11:48,770
with my thin Florida skin,

2032
01:11:49,390 --> 01:11:50,289
it is cold.

2033
01:11:50,670 --> 01:11:50,989
And,

2034
01:11:52,350 --> 01:11:54,289
you know, being being out in the shop

2035
01:11:54,945 --> 01:11:56,484
and and being that cold

2036
01:11:57,104 --> 01:11:57,604
and,

2037
01:12:00,704 --> 01:12:02,945
you know, plus it makes me makes the

2038
01:12:02,945 --> 01:12:04,645
bones ache a little bit now.

2039
01:12:05,984 --> 01:12:07,445
Yeah. Yeah. No. I mean,

2040
01:12:08,225 --> 01:12:09,939
neither one of us has tried to go

2041
01:12:09,939 --> 01:12:12,099
outside too much, and yet we have our

2042
01:12:12,099 --> 01:12:14,979
across the street neighbors in what for us

2043
01:12:14,979 --> 01:12:16,359
is extremely cold weather.

2044
01:12:16,979 --> 01:12:18,899
They were out there cleaning gutters Yeah. And

2045
01:12:18,899 --> 01:12:21,300
had hoses going. It's like nothing was gonna

2046
01:12:21,300 --> 01:12:22,819
freeze or out of that temperature right now.

2047
01:12:22,819 --> 01:12:24,279
Yeah. But it was like,

2048
01:12:24,735 --> 01:12:26,494
okay. Take advantage of your day off, I

2049
01:12:26,494 --> 01:12:27,314
guess. Right.

2050
01:12:27,854 --> 01:12:29,735
Could not be me. We had to I

2051
01:12:29,735 --> 01:12:32,414
I had to get a prescription called in

2052
01:12:32,414 --> 01:12:34,655
kind of late yesterday Yeah. Which made me

2053
01:12:34,655 --> 01:12:37,074
a little nervous because, you know, if

2054
01:12:38,050 --> 01:12:39,649
I wanted it, I needed I needed to

2055
01:12:39,649 --> 01:12:40,390
feel better.

2056
01:12:41,170 --> 01:12:43,329
I was like, there's a good possibility the

2057
01:12:43,329 --> 01:12:45,409
pharmacy will not have this ready before they

2058
01:12:45,409 --> 01:12:45,909
close.

2059
01:12:46,210 --> 01:12:47,969
And I was like, but it's supposed to

2060
01:12:47,969 --> 01:12:50,369
snow tomorrow, so I kinda need them to

2061
01:12:50,369 --> 01:12:52,564
try. They did. They did. I had we

2062
01:12:52,564 --> 01:12:53,925
were able to get there, like, right before

2063
01:12:53,925 --> 01:12:55,604
they closed. We're like, we don't have to

2064
01:12:55,604 --> 01:12:57,685
get out of the car. We've Mhmm. But

2065
01:12:57,685 --> 01:12:59,284
I had to drive because Jimmy was like,

2066
01:12:59,284 --> 01:13:00,564
I just need you to drive, and it's

2067
01:13:00,564 --> 01:13:02,085
the Corolla, so I should drive it. It's

2068
01:13:02,564 --> 01:13:04,005
and I was like, yeah. But I don't

2069
01:13:04,005 --> 01:13:05,364
drive well in the dark. So I'm like

2070
01:13:05,364 --> 01:13:06,029
a little old

2071
01:13:07,550 --> 01:13:10,109
lady. People are zooming past, and I'm like,

2072
01:13:10,109 --> 01:13:11,889
I kinda see where I'm going.

2073
01:13:13,710 --> 01:13:15,569
It's not bright enough out here.

2074
01:13:15,949 --> 01:13:17,789
But yeah. He was like, do you want

2075
01:13:17,789 --> 01:13:20,109
me to drive home from the pharmacy? I'm

2076
01:13:20,109 --> 01:13:21,194
like, I got it.

2077
01:13:23,234 --> 01:13:23,734
I

2078
01:13:25,774 --> 01:13:26,274
got

2079
01:13:28,314 --> 01:13:28,814
it.

2080
01:13:30,854 --> 01:13:32,789
So Andre asks, have we found the current

2081
01:13:32,789 --> 01:13:35,270
exchange rates have been hurting our sales? We

2082
01:13:35,270 --> 01:13:37,530
do not get an overwhelming amount

2083
01:13:38,470 --> 01:13:41,609
of international sales. So I'm sure it has

2084
01:13:41,670 --> 01:13:44,470
affected the few people who might have purchased

2085
01:13:44,710 --> 01:13:46,454
Right. If the exchange rates are not great,

2086
01:13:46,454 --> 01:13:47,675
but we are primarily

2087
01:13:49,655 --> 01:13:50,635
American customers.

2088
01:13:53,494 --> 01:13:56,135
And sales have been have been slow this

2089
01:13:56,135 --> 01:13:57,914
month, not like we're used to, but,

2090
01:13:58,470 --> 01:13:59,909
you know, there's a there's a lot going

2091
01:13:59,909 --> 01:14:01,909
on in the world. And I I know

2092
01:14:01,909 --> 01:14:04,230
even for kinksters, sometimes a new toy is

2093
01:14:04,230 --> 01:14:05,210
not your priority.

2094
01:14:05,829 --> 01:14:07,430
And and we've we've had a lot going

2095
01:14:07,430 --> 01:14:09,750
on too. So, you know, we we haven't

2096
01:14:10,234 --> 01:14:11,614
we we haven't been,

2097
01:14:11,994 --> 01:14:12,494
balancing

2098
01:14:12,795 --> 01:14:14,954
some stuff along with work. So, you know

2099
01:14:15,514 --> 01:14:18,074
Yeah. But, I can't tell when we're a

2100
01:14:18,074 --> 01:14:20,074
low on stock because we're still doing restocks.

2101
01:14:20,074 --> 01:14:21,835
It's hard to know, would we have more

2102
01:14:21,835 --> 01:14:23,594
sales if we had product and that's sold

2103
01:14:23,594 --> 01:14:25,514
out? We don't. You can't know. Mhmm. So

2104
01:14:26,210 --> 01:14:27,889
Yeah. We'll just we're being kind of

2105
01:14:30,050 --> 01:14:32,850
I wouldn't call anything about me relaxed, but

2106
01:14:32,850 --> 01:14:35,649
we are not, in panic mode about anything.

2107
01:14:35,649 --> 01:14:37,329
No. It's just we're aware of the state

2108
01:14:37,329 --> 01:14:39,524
of the world too. So And and, you

2109
01:14:39,524 --> 01:14:41,604
know, so a lot of what we're alluding

2110
01:14:41,604 --> 01:14:42,904
to, we'll be talking

2111
01:14:43,444 --> 01:14:45,045
a little bit more in-depth when we do

2112
01:14:45,045 --> 01:14:45,284
our,

2113
01:14:46,005 --> 01:14:46,505
Patreon

2114
01:14:46,885 --> 01:14:49,364
podcast. Yeah. We do a a behind the

2115
01:14:49,364 --> 01:14:50,524
scenes Mhmm.

2116
01:14:50,965 --> 01:14:52,199
Podcast episode every month

2117
01:14:53,159 --> 01:14:55,800
for for patrons through our Patreon. Membership drive

2118
01:14:55,800 --> 01:14:57,340
going on right now. Patreon.com/kayla

2119
01:14:58,039 --> 01:14:58,539
lords.

2120
01:15:00,199 --> 01:15:02,060
But, yeah, there's there's

2121
01:15:02,680 --> 01:15:05,000
stuff. There was something else I was thinking

2122
01:15:05,000 --> 01:15:07,159
about, and now I don't remember what it

2123
01:15:07,159 --> 01:15:07,659
was.

2124
01:15:08,284 --> 01:15:09,885
Could not have been that important. See, you

2125
01:15:09,885 --> 01:15:10,925
know, I used to say that, and I

2126
01:15:10,925 --> 01:15:12,604
used to say it proudly. Oh, because my

2127
01:15:12,604 --> 01:15:14,364
dad said it during my formative years. And

2128
01:15:14,364 --> 01:15:15,564
so now it's just the voice in my

2129
01:15:15,564 --> 01:15:17,484
head of, oh, you can't remember what you

2130
01:15:17,484 --> 01:15:19,164
were saying or thinking or doing. It must

2131
01:15:19,164 --> 01:15:20,925
not have been that important. But now I'm

2132
01:15:20,925 --> 01:15:22,604
a person who cannot hold a thought in

2133
01:15:22,604 --> 01:15:24,210
her head for more than half a second.

2134
01:15:24,210 --> 01:15:25,649
And I'm like, no. No. No. I forget

2135
01:15:25,649 --> 01:15:27,109
the important shit too.

2136
01:15:28,210 --> 01:15:29,889
My mind used to be like a steel

2137
01:15:29,889 --> 01:15:31,510
trap. It's now like a sieve.

2138
01:15:32,130 --> 01:15:34,529
That must not have been that important statement.

2139
01:15:34,529 --> 01:15:35,269
It's bullshit.

2140
01:15:38,974 --> 01:15:40,335
Oh my god. There's so many things. I'm

2141
01:15:40,335 --> 01:15:42,014
not gonna 1, I can't remember them all

2142
01:15:42,094 --> 01:15:44,094
that mind like a sieve thing. And 2,

2143
01:15:44,094 --> 01:15:45,774
this is not I'm not getting into it

2144
01:15:45,774 --> 01:15:47,054
all here, but there are a lot of,

2145
01:15:47,054 --> 01:15:50,194
like, sayings or aphorisms or just things that

2146
01:15:50,574 --> 01:15:51,074
like,

2147
01:15:52,479 --> 01:15:54,560
bullshit things that people say because saying these

2148
01:15:54,560 --> 01:15:56,239
things makes you sound certain, makes you sound

2149
01:15:56,239 --> 01:15:57,060
like you know,

2150
01:15:57,439 --> 01:15:59,359
instills, like, a false sense of confidence that

2151
01:15:59,359 --> 01:16:00,880
you understand the world. There are so many

2152
01:16:00,880 --> 01:16:03,359
of those fucking things from my childhood into

2153
01:16:03,359 --> 01:16:05,760
my my twenties and early thirties that, man,

2154
01:16:05,760 --> 01:16:07,814
I believed whole cloth, and I'm like, that's

2155
01:16:07,975 --> 01:16:08,795
all bullshit.

2156
01:16:09,814 --> 01:16:11,194
What the fuck, man?

2157
01:16:12,854 --> 01:16:14,395
Goddamn personal growth.

2158
01:16:15,895 --> 01:16:18,395
Having to rethink everything I fucking know.

2159
01:16:21,175 --> 01:16:21,479
So

2160
01:16:24,279 --> 01:16:25,500
Alright. So yeah.

2161
01:16:26,199 --> 01:16:28,520
I guess that's it for us, Yep. We

2162
01:16:28,520 --> 01:16:30,039
still got stuff to do our day, man.

2163
01:16:30,039 --> 01:16:31,560
Our day's not done, but Yeah. This part

2164
01:16:31,560 --> 01:16:32,840
of our day is done. Yeah. Okay. We're

2165
01:16:32,840 --> 01:16:33,579
gonna go.

2166
01:16:34,244 --> 01:16:36,405
Thanks for being here. Absolutely. To the bitter

2167
01:16:36,405 --> 01:16:37,145
end, especially.

2168
01:16:37,604 --> 01:16:39,784
Mhmm. Okay. Yeah. Bye. Bye.