You're listening to the Loving BDSM podcast episode
426.
Kayla Lords here with the one, the only,
the guy who lets me get away with
very damn little.
Tom Braustach.
He'll be calling me out of my bullshit
all the time. I do. I do.
I do.
It's part of what makes us work.
That's why this is a thing that it
is.
Speaking of that, kind of, like, on topic,
this week, we're gonna talk about the concept
of obedience in submissives
in power exchange.
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we start recording.
I now have thoughts, but people who were
not here for it won't know what the
heck I'm talking about.
Anyway Right.
Before we get into this week's topic,
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we're all past in a water cooler at
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We don't necessarily get into crazy conversations, but
when we get, like, fresh folks in her
you know? Mhmm. Not just going to the
water cooler to say hi to folks. Yeah.
You know, we get some interesting conversations.
And,
apparently, there's loving BDSM lore.
I would not have called it that because
I don't think of those terms, but the
bacon debate.
Yeah. And if you know what that is,
you know. And if you know Yep. Yep.
Yep.
There's only one type of accept,
allowable bacon, and it is crunchy crispy. That's
the only kind. And Andre, yeah, we are
missing,
some of our mods, but I'm I'm the
backup mod if necessary Oh, yeah. On the
livestream. Okay. So let's get into
the topic. How did we have podcasts for
10 years? 420
some odd episodes and never actually talk about
the concept of obedience. I think that was
kind of a
subconscious,
You know, you give me so much shit
about trying to say I'm not very obedient,
and we're gonna get to this. I have
notes, y'all.
Okay. Do you want
unquestioning
obedience?
Sometimes,
references, and I don't love this term, but
references blind obedience. And I'm just not built
that way,
but we're gonna talk about that when we
get to it. Not. And yet and yet,
you know all I wanna be is your
good girl. Right. Which means I wanna do
what I'm told.
Yeah. Yeah. I just have questions first. We
will get to that. So let's start with
I don't like to say anything is, like,
universal other than things like consent communication.
But obedience is part of the submissive experience.
However,
it
appears
in the submissive partner and also the power
exchange, that could be different and unique from
person to person. But I do think some
level of obedience
is just kind of like the standard norm
for submission.
If
you're whether the obedience is forced,
whether consensually
Yeah. Or it's freely given and quickly and,
you know, unquestioningly
and and everything else within that kind of
spectrum of what obedience could be. I I
think I think that's a core tenant of
submission,
obeying the the dominant partner in your life.
That's just part of it.
So one level, I get why we wouldn't
talk about obedience as its own separate concept
because it's like talking about submission as its
own separate concept. Mhmm.
That being said, I I do wanna take
the conversation about obedience
seriously.
You know, some of us have thoughts.
So
so that we're all on the same page,
I was like, okay. How does, like, the
the non kink world
define obedience? Like, what's the actual dictionary definition?
And the one I found that I liked
the best is
compliance with an order, request, or law, or
submission to another's authority.
Tada. We've just described
submission
and power exchange.
You know, compliance
in in however, like, the law well, for
power exchange, that's a rule. A request, that
would be when you you set me a
task, an order is an order. I think
we all know what that probably means for
us as individuals. So, yeah,
it's compliance. It's submission. It's it's the it's
the solid foundation
of what submission is.
Now I was like, okay. I have personal
thoughts about obedience from my perspective. And so
I was
like, does, like, the the not just kink
word, like, the psychological world psychology? Y'all know
what I mean.
Do they have definitions or ways of describing
it? And, yes, they do. And I linked
to my resources in the places if you
wanna read more about it. So,
in psychology,
there are apparently 2 types of obedience. I
do not know how
widely agreed upon this is, but I felt
like the source I had was,
a reliable one.
So there's constructive
obedience,
which involves behaviors that promote social harmony and
the greater good of society.
So if I'm gonna extrapolate that down
extrapolate or narrow? Whatever. To power exchange.
You know, social harmony and the good of
society, that's the stuff you agree to do,
but to keep the relationship going that you
want it to be. Those things I think
can change. And I think
between individuals in a a power dynamic,
that obedience can absolutely
be negotiated and can be more easily negotiated.
Whereas in society, where we're talking policy changes
and law changes and politics and lots of
stuff that yeah. Not not easy in the
year of our lord 2025.
Okay. So then destructive obedience
Mhmm. Is the acceptance of request the second
type. Is the acceptance of request from an
authority that is immoral, illegal, or harmful in
some way.
And I was like, okay. How can I
what's the word I want? I don't know.
Extrapolate it to power exchange.
To me, a destructive obedience would be and
we can all have our opinion here.
It's
the,
submission to and obeying
a dom that is has not negotiated, has
not earned the right,
is the the air quote dom, is the
abuser, is you know what I mean? Blind
obedience.
Which yeah. Unquestioning is the term I'm I'm
preferring personally. But, yes, blind obedience without question,
without stopping to go, do this does this
person deserve it? Did they earn it? Are
they asking me to do things that I'm
safe to do? Mhmm. Right? They keep my
body, my mind as safe as you can
be in a risky thing like BDSM. Like,
you know?
So yeah. So I was like, okay. Constructive
obedience, destructive obedience. Those are not
perfect
one to one things for describing obedience in
submission in power exchange, but,
resource, they they talked about factors that impact
obedience.
Okay. And I thought this was interesting. So
there's personality,
conscientiousness, and agreeableness linked to obedience. I think
this is the people this is not universally
true. There are nuances here.
But if you are the type that wants
to be obedient, that, you know, wants to
submit,
you're probably gonna have that personality,
not always,
of some level of agreeableness to do what
somebody else says. Now I just wanna remind
folks out there that just because I am
obedient to JB does not mean I'm obedient
to any fucking body else. And that's true
for any submissive. Mhmm. It is a thing
that is earned and negotiated and
done ideally through trust and with safety and
Yeah. Risk awareness, all of that in mind.
So it's need stuff. Right. But there there
is that, you know, that take, I think,
that there are some people
who recognize in them. So I'm one of
them. This is who I am. I am
a submissive person
in a relationship with a person who has
earned it and wants it. Right? It's not
to everybody. I tried that. That was very
harmful to me.
I got into some bad toxic situations, not
relationships, but work and, well, relationships too. You
know? And if you don't know that part
about yourself and you're trying
to fulfill a need you have that you
do not have language for, I don't care
what side of the slash you're on, You
could find yourself in situations where you're getting
a little bit of what you need, but
it's not good for you. Right? Like, I
was a great executive assistant
for a shitty, shitty boss.
I the way I worked for that man,
not for the paycheck. I mean, yeah, I
worked for the paycheck, but not that wasn't
why I was so fucking good at it.
I was good at it because I got
the corporate equivalent of good girls all the
fucking time.
But I let myself be taken advantage of,
and I didn't know my own worth. And
also,
the moment I could get that scratched itch
in a legitimate consensual,
you know, way that honors who I am
as a person, I could not work for
another soul again in my life.
I'm sure there's,
there's some,
some something some psychoanalysis
to be done on that. So another factor
is this one's interesting.
Psychological
distance from the effect of obedience. I don't
know that there's a one to one relationship
to power exchange, but this in general, obedience
in general.
It may be, people may be more likely
to obey if it seems abstract or unconnected
to you.
I think that can sometimes
explain
some of the crazy shit we see in
life.
Personally,
I'm not
I don't think that one has a good
correlation in my experience to submission because I
am more likely to submit when I know
what it's about, and it's not abstract, and
it's real to me. Right?
Ambiguity
or lack of information.
This is a double edged sword. So factors
of that impact obedience.
Sometimes you're more likely to obey if the
other person seems to know more than you.
That also explains a lot about the world
today.
But I think it's a double edged sword
of power exchange.
Mhmm. I am the type of person
I know, love, trust you. You have more
of my trust than any human being
on this planet has ever had or will
ever have.
But
But I do not go into it.
There are times I really we're gonna get
into this when we're talking about actual obedience.
That I there are times I want to
just obey without question. There are times I
wish I could when I I can feel
myself not able to.
But, also, I am aware that you're fallible
as a human being because we all are.
Mhmm. And so
if you know more about something than me,
I actually have more questions.
That's right. And so I'm gonna need a
greater understanding of a thing before I can
obey. Like,
tell me about it. Explain it to me.
Give me context. Not everybody's like that. Yes.
I know I'm exhausting. It's fine.
But that's what I need to be able
to obey. Whereas there are some people who
are like, oh, you seem to be an
authority.
I'm just I'm just thinking of all the
news. I'm not, watching or reading.
You seem to be an authority, so I
will I will obey what you say because
I don't know enough. You clearly know more
than I do clearly, Eric. Well, I can
see how that could possibly be a thing
because, you know,
when we first started reading it,
first thought is, well, okay, you know, that
that means,
the per whoever
is submitting, they don't need to be weighed
down by all the,
you know, little
details. They just need to do their part
and, you know And I think for many
submissives, that is the freedom. You don't have
to know. Right. You can just go with
the person who the person who knows more
than you or has decided these things or
is in charge, AKA dominance is what we're
talking about.
And, yeah, let's just get we're just talking
about dominance here.
That that's like the weight being relieved of
I don't have to think of the thing.
You can think of the thing. I have
thoughts about why that is so difficult for
me, especially now, and we'll get there. And
why I wish I could
be softer with my obedience. And we'll get
there in the I'm just trying to get
through definitions.
Here's the one
here's the one that spoke to my submissive
soul as a factor that impacts obedience
to the, like, general and psychological
whatever. Fear of consequences.
Many people obey because they fear consequences.
You know? People who don't wanna wear their
seat belt, but they do because they don't
want the ticket. Also, let's not cause accidents
that cause too much harm. People who, you
know, get their
have their driver's license. People who, you know,
people who follow the rules because of consequences.
Jail, lack of freedom, the lack of the
ability to do a thing you wanna do.
There's a consequence. Right?
And power exchange, we talk about consequences all
the time.
Because if you're talking about
a submissive doing a thing or not doing
a thing
that they agree to and that's what the
dominant wants,
my question always turns to, but how do
you, like, what do you do if they
don't? What what's the solution?
Solution tends to be consequences. And so when
people are like, what should the consequences be?
Our advice is whatever your submissive
wants to avoid the most that they would
consent to have happen to them. Right. Right?
So, yeah, fair consequences, that's an easy one.
That's like a, oh, yeah. We know about
that. Power exchange is all about that. Power
exchange with,
you know,
a submissive following rules is kinda counting to
some degree
Mhmm. On that fear of consequences.
But it's not fear of consequences like the
worst possible things that can happen in life.
It's like you might have to go to
bed early. You might not get to go
do a thing you wanna do. You might
not get an orgasm. You might get a
spank
like, it's it's that kind of stuff. Right?
Okay. Mhmm. So that is kind of the
rundown of obedience from a very vanilla and
very broad perspective with some of the points
I could
find that I'm like, oh, yeah. That speaks
to me from a on a from a
power exchange point of view. And I think
we all
will have our own
sort of takes on that because of either
from a dominant perspective,
whether you're a switch or you're a dominant
top, what kind of obedience you want, what
kind of you what kind you prefer from
a partner, what you've seen in the past,
but also as a submissive who it's our
job to obey on some level.
Like, I know what kind of submissive I
would love to be, and that's the unquestioning
obedience, the aka blind obedience.
But I also think that kind of obedience
has a danger, an inherent danger to it,
which is why it's so hard for me.
And I'm so anxious.
But, you know,
I think
from a submissive perspective,
understanding
how I feel about
obedience
and being obedient
makes it easier
to talk to you and explain to you
when you especially when you get frustrated with
me
because all you want me to do is
go, yes, daddy.
And sometimes I can, and I will, and
I want to, and sometimes I cannot.
And I think from if you're submissive who
kind of can relate to this idea of
sometimes you can and sometimes you cannot, I
think it's worth a little bit of introspective.
Okay. Like, what does that make me what
am I feeling?
Mhmm. You know?
Do I have an idea of why I
can go back and forth between the 2
or I can you know? Not all brats,
but certainly
brats some brats,
they'll obey, but only when you make them.
Right. Not even brats. There are just some
submissive types out there that would not even
fall under the category of brat necessarily. They'll
obey once you prove you're strong enough to
make them obey.
That's a valid form, but I think we
all could use,
you know, a little bit of introspection and
do some thinking about
what from a dismissive perspective, what gets us
to obey? Why do we obey? Why do
we not obey? What do we need to
be able to obey?
It's all I'm saying.
So
85 years later,
that's the overview of obedience. Let's talk about
the I wrote down 2 types
from a submissive Yeah. Perspective, because it's my
perspective, but there's more. So I've got
the unquestioning
obedience, AKA blind obedience. Mhmm. And then my
preferred obedience is obedience but with questions.
I am not
personally built for the, you have to make
me obey
Mhmm.
Because it goes against so much of who
I personally am at the core.
In a scene, if it's part of the
play of air quote,
forcing me to put my body in a
position, forcing me to
Mhmm. Do a thing with one of my
parts of the body on one of your
parts of the body. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's
fun in the meantime.
When I'm talking about obedience as a submissive,
I'm thinking within the power exchange dynamic, the
relationship
part. To me, obedience in play
can be very similar, but can also be
completely different. Because sometimes the way you behave
in a kink scene is not how you're
actually interacting
within your relationship even though it's all power
exchange and it's all kink.
And I can handle
and question a lot less
play
than I can the
big girl. Please don't move that. I need
that there for a reason. And I'm over
here going, but it's about to blow away
and go across the parking lot, and I
can see impending danger.
And the whole time, I'm like, I'm supposed
to just do what he says, but I'm
saving him from himself.
And that's the kind of submission that does
not make sense to a lot of people
because
I think what everybody would say or most
people would say is we should just do
what he says. And I'm like, yes. But
also,
I can see what's about to happen. And
to be of service is to help save
you from yourself.
Wow. Real world example. We are at Aldi
last weekend? Mhmm. Last weekend. Now the Internet
influenced us and taught us a hack about
places like Aldi, Sam's Club, Costco. You know,
you don't get bags unless you bring them.
So they were like, oh, put these little
laundry baskets, like, in your car. Load your
laundry baskets. It's really easy to unload your
car.
We freaking love that. Oh, yeah. We use
it all the time. Okay. So we're now
driving my teeny tiny little Corolla.
See last week's bonus section for the info
on that. There's not a lot of room
for our laundry baskets. So Jamie's gonna take
stuff out of the trunk to put stuff
into the trunk to get us organized. It's
a windy day. Windy.
I offered to hold the laundry basket. He's
frustrated.
He goes, no, I'm just gonna put it
down here on the ground.
The moment he puts it on the ground,
it moves like 2 inches because there's wind
and it's windy and it's like gusty wind.
1, I'm frustrated with him because I was
like, I was offering to serve by holding
it,
but also
who's gonna have to run across the parking
lot if the wind picks it up?
This girl right here.
And
There'd been one way to get your steps
in. That is. But also and this is
the thing I should talk about with a
therapist.
You would have been frustrated if it had
blown away and you would have been cranky
and not upset in like some lasting way,
but you would have had that outburst. And
there's a part of me that will do
anything to avoid that outburst, even though it's
not about me and it's not personal. Can't
help myself.
I have to help prevent your annoyance
to the extent that I am capable of.
K. I'm less weird about that than I
used to be. Like, I used to be
probably, like, borderline or actually toxic about that.
It was probably not
healthy at all. And I've calmed down, but
I will still do it. Like, it's it's
the inherent.
I'm serving you because I'm helping both of
us. We will both be less stressed if
you could stay calm.
So what does this obedience submissive do? I
walk my ass around, pick it up and
go, it's not allowed to blow away. And
I hold it on my hip
while he is like fussing under his breath.
And I'm sitting there going, oh my God,
we're gonna talk about obedience next week. And
I am not being obedient right now,
but I am being helpful.
Yeah.
And I
I would not classify
that as bratty behavior.
I think it's reasonable for somebody else to
disagree with that
because I'm not trying
to not do what you say. Mhmm. I'm
in a way that's
probably not healthy, trying to be helpful,
and because I can foresee things that you
don't seem to be seeing because you're focused
on something else.
I'm preemptively
serving,
which we have talked about anticipatory. And I
was gonna say that that that that yeah.
Yeah. And that and that's not always foolproof.
No. God. No. It's not.
And sometimes you're helping, but if you've just
pissed off your dominant, did you really help
anybody?
I don't think so. So that scenario
is
me being obedient at my worst. I never,
unless I'm not not consenting and it's like
a hard limit, I never say no. I
never say make me.
We're not unleashing that tiger. Okay?
It's not going back at the cage. If
I look at this
sadist and go make me.
Oh my god.
I
in play,
yes. And even then I'm a little scared,
which is kind of the point. But in
the dynamic no. No. No. I want I
want to be of service.
I want to be helpful.
I recognize my own observational
skills and my own intelligence to know that
sometimes I see things he can't because he's
focused on his thing. I'm focused on something
else. Right? It's not that he's incapable of
seeing it. It's just not on his radar.
But I,
who am, like,
from a
traumatized childhood kind of way observing everything. Right?
I'm I see stuff now. I don't always
get it right. Sometimes I think I see
stuff and it's not really there, and that's
where this little talent can be unhelpful.
So I sometimes give up obedience
in the name of service.
Mhmm. But I still always want to be
the good girl.
I get the irony. Okay.
How do you feel on that specific
example of that kind of obedience
where you were clearly frustrated with me? How
do you feel? How do you see that?
How do you interpret that? There there are
times where I'm I'm like,
I wish you just let me do it
and be done with it and get it
over with.
I know.
I know. Yep. I I I know you
would. I know you would. Robert has a
good point of wouldn't pointing out issues to
save the Dom be a type of service
and therefore still be obedient?
I think so. But see, here's what It
would it would be. Here's what I've learned.
It would be. When he gets, like, all
twisted up in his own stress,
he
and you're not the only one. People do
this. This is a a people thing.
I can point it
out. I can tell him I see this
coming.
Can you please listen to me?
And
and he won't.
Now obedience would mean, I think,
that I gave him the information,
and he didn't want it. And so to
be obedient would be to back the fuck
off.
That is where I can admit
sometimes I'm less than obedient.
But it's as an act of service?
I don't
this so here's the thing. That that's that's
specific thing where I went and grabbed
the laundry basket before it could blow away,
and you felt the gusty wind. I have,
enough sense to not go, did you feel
that gusty wind? See, I told you I
was about to
we don't do I told you so's. That
will not end well for me.
But in that specific moment, when I go
grab it and I'm holding it, then I
have it right there for you when you
want it, you don't have to bend down.
Like, I tried to make your life
easy. Does it feel like I'm making your
life easy, or are you so
annoyed
that it doesn't matter?
No.
It, you know,
more times than not, it it comes down
to the fact that, yeah, you do end
up being helpful and it's, you know yeah.
I'm right more often than I'm wrong.
Is that is that what I'm hearing?
Maybe.
So here's some things I have I have
observed in myself
Mhmm. About being obedient,
recently and over the past few years. K.
So recently, this sort of this resurgence we've
kind of made this year the year that
we're gonna try and figure out,
power exchange again for for ourselves. Right?
I want
to be
more unquestioning
in my obedience.
I'm not built to never question, and I
don't think that's a great thing to never
question. I think you get yourself into all
sorts of trouble if you never question anything
a dominant wants you to do as a
submissive.
Because they're not perfect,
and sometimes your boundaries will be pushed that
you're not you don't want them to be
pushed. Sometimes they a person can have a
bad fucking idea.
You know?
But I have more of a desire now
to,
at times
Mhmm. Just fucking obey.
Just follow you. Just Yeah. You know, just
do what I told you and how much
been. I'm trying. It's I'm actively having to
try. I am clearly actively failing. I can't
remember what it was the other day that,
you know, I you know, I'm talking to
you and you
you you did your little dig your heels
in and
yeah. I know.
And and, you know, it it's funny because
and I I don't know if I've brought
this up before or not, but, you know,
obviously,
Kale falls under the, you know,
questioning.
Oh, yeah. I'm I'm I'm obedient, but I
got questions. Yeah. And and lots of questions.
I need information.
And and, you know, I I will say
there are times
when you ask questions,
and they are and they are pertinent to
what is Sure. What is going on.
Then there's the other side of that. Okay.
So to talk about the other side of
that. We're gonna talk about that.
So
there are times I've gone
to this
wonderful, beautiful person sitting next to me,
and and I've asked a question.
Is it when you've asked
asked me to do something or ask my
opinion?
And and in my mind,
it's a it's a flat out yes or
no
answer.
It's like he just met me yesterday, y'all.
Yeah.
Yeah. No. That that that doesn't work.
I'll be there for half an hour. Not
always. So you here's what you've gotten good
at, which I appreciate, but you ask me
sometimes to promise something I cannot give you.
Because you'll say, I need to ask you
a question. Right. I just need a yes
or no answer.
And that is helpful communication. It sets expectations.
Sometimes
part of this is, like, my own headspace
and where my mind is at. And sometimes
it's it's I don't know. It's something else
mysterious. I don't know. But sometimes I can
go, okay. I will do my best. And
sometimes I think this is when I'm, like,
deep in my own head and I kinda
know where my head space is at and
it ain't good. I say, I cannot promise
you that. Yeah. If your question
gives me questions, I can't give you yes
or no without more information,
without context. Not always. I would love to
give you I think my life will be
easier if I could just go around going,
yes.
I I I even tried. Especially maybe or
I don't know. I even tried with her
at one point, and I thought I was
so I thought, yeah. I got this now.
Oh, man.
I I I went to her one time,
and I said, look,
I I do not have the bandwidth
for for a long answer. I I I
I just need a yes or no right
now. I I and and go on my
way. I have
have to. And it it it was shorter
than it could have been. Yeah. If you
hadn't said that. True.
The thing is is we are are we
are clearly 2 different people, but we are
wired very differently. Yeah. And in JB's mind,
something is simple. It's either yes or no.
Right.
Very little in my life is that binary,
that black and white, that clear. There's too
much, well, it depends. Or, but wait. I
I I need to be better informed if
I can have more information. Now when you
start out with, I do not have time.
I do not have bandwidth. Right. Then if
I when you ask the question, this is
still, I think, dissatisfying, but better.
If he gives me that upfront,
and I know he just wants a short
answer,
when I have to go, I can't answer
that. I need more information.
Then we can go,
we will talk about this later.
Like, we'll talk about it after dinner. We'll
talk about when I get in from the
shop. Like, let's come back to this. This
is not yes or no. The other thing
I default to
and this is, I
think, something that can be a very strong
part of submission. And for me, it's and
for other submissives I know, something we want
more often than not.
You'll ask me for a yes or no,
and I can't give you yes or no.
And so what I've I do more now
and I used to do all the time
way back in the day,
you decide.
I'll back you whatever you decide. Yeah. Just
decide. Because quite frankly,
there are many times when that's all I
want. Please don't ask me to help you
make the decision.
The difference there and I can
my memory is so shit and I can
almost feel when the difference happened.
When we were early in our living together,
and those first few years were, like,
everything was clicking, and we were like, wow.
Life is really fucking good. Right? Don't ever
say that too loud. The universe is listening.
Hold my drink. It was very
easy at that point to kind of
let go of any
not all anxiety, let's be real. But a
lot of anxiety and a need for to
control and need context and need to understand
every detail, or I can't make the right
decision. And go, whatever you want, daddy. Let's
just do what you wanna do, daddy.
Then we hit this past 4 years or
so, a very rough patch,
and we had to collaborate
on everything,
which is not a bad thing to collaborate.
I love being collaborative with JB. I it
makes me feel like we're part of a
team. We're doing it together. And even when
we're
working together like that, he is always the
decider, and that's just understood. And I don't
have a problem with that. I don't want
to be the decider. I just want the
decision to be the best possible one I
can make.
But
there were so few opportunities
or times when I felt comfortable and you
were capable of me going, I don't care.
You decide.
Everything felt so critical. If we made a
wrong decision, it could be catastrophic. Like, lose
your fucking house catastrophic.
Everything mattered. Right? Mhmm. So we did a
lot of deep dives and talking and going,
okay. Here's here's the things I see. Here's
the things I see. Let's try and come
together and find the right solution.
And
JB was quickly unable and, you know, you've
admitted this. I'm not saying anything out of
pocket.
Unable to sort of handle all of that
pressure
amongst the outside pressure of our lives. Right?
And so I started shouldering more things. I
started I took over finances. He used to
pay all the bills, hand me some cash,
tell me what I could spend. Uh-uh.
I had to remind him recently that he
did have access to his bank
account. No. And he didn't need me for
that. Right? I I there was something he
could do, but I took over that as
a burden
to take a burden off of him Mhmm.
To be helpful
because I have I have lived the broke
life before, and I know how to rob
Peter to pay Paul. Like, I I got
that.
But that meant that if every decision feels
critical,
and sometimes they were,
There is no just you decide. 1, I
wouldn't have done that to put that kind
of pressure on him. It was too much.
It was already fucking with his mental health.
But, also, it was abdicating a responsibility
that I did I didn't feel comfortable with
that. We this needed to be a team
effort. It was the only way we're gonna
get through
it. But that's it's been three and a
half, 4 years of that. Yeah.
Just like I didn't let go that easily
going from,
you
know, vanilla person who had to handle all
her shit, her kids' shit, her ex husband's
shit, everybody's shit.
Right?
To, oh, I'm a submissive and I have
a partner and I don't have to do
this alone anymore. That's that was an adjustment.
Right? It was a fun adjustment because it
was sexy and it was kinky, but it
was an adjustment.
Well, now I'm adjusting in the other way.
We are back sort of to a point
where every decision is not critical. Right? We
can relax. We can breathe. You were ready
to take on more of that responsibility again.
Yes.
I am not built
to take off one hat and put on
another.
I need, like,
an easing in people.
I need to adjust. I need to
this is the thing I that I believe
is a core tenet of all power exchange,
but we're talking submission here. I need to
feel safe. I need to know that I
can.
And it's not that you don't make me
feel safe. I've always felt safe with you.
But I it is a close enough memory
of watching this
the strain on you, of having that responsibility
that I don't
yet trust this moment of peace
and tranquility. Right? It's too new,
and it's too raw to know how quickly
it can be yanked away. Right. So it's
like, can I relax enough Mhmm?
To just go, whatever you want, daddy, you
decide. Yeah. And and, you know, I I
am I am in a in that place,
and I agree with you a 100%. You
know, the the the things that have been
changing in our lives,
they're good, very good. Oh. Very very good,
but
a lot of it still doesn't seem real.
Right. Too soon. Too new. Yeah.
So, you know, there there is that. But,
you know, for me, I think
well, not that I think. I know at
this point, you know, going in that that
you took
more
on,
I was slowly
heading down. I know. And, you know, looking
back, because you can only hindsight is 2020.
Would it have been better for you to
hold on to more responsibility
than to that you let go? Maybe change
the responsibilities.
Yeah. But, you know, yes, there is the
weight of stress and stuff.
But was
not having an outlet
where you felt control of something,
was that more hindrance than help? I think
so. Probably. For me, yeah.
And
because we're talking about obedience,
having very few ways to
keep sort of exercising the obedience muscle,
I know was not good for me. I
have way too many opinions and questions, and
there's nothing wrong with that. I wanna be
Yeah. Very fucking clear to doms and subs.
Submissives
can have opinions and should, and can have
questions and should.
The the thing that power exchange will do,
potentially,
is just moderate
how those questions are asked, how those opinions
are expressed,
how much weight they are sometimes given to
a situation. Right?
But they don't go away.
Mine have just been, like, on hyperdrive
because it was needed. We excuse me. We
were just getting through life, right, as best
we could.
And, you know,
we are clearly
more relaxed now
than we have been previously,
but that doesn't mean I just flip a
switch and I go back to whatever version
of the submissive I was before. Yeah. And
and, you know, I,
since
my bottoming out, now coming back, you know,
what we
are rebuilding is not what it was. No.
Mm-mm.
Not supposed to be, I don't think.
No. No.
It,
I think it's it becomes more fitting
of who we are now in this time
and space. And I think it also reflects
what we've experienced. So we've experienced
power exchange on autopilot.
Right. We've god knows we've
ex experienced power exchange in a rut.
Yeah.
We've also it's not
it's weird because it was not a power
imbalance that was different than our power exchange.
Like, you you have been and always are
and will be the decider.
But the
the level of
ownership of that
changed.
And
it can change
maybe not back, but it can change to
another way of doing it. But we can't
unknow what we know, and we can't not
have the experiences anymore. So
we are both a product of everything we
went through
and what we want out of life. We
are also the product of what that did
to us
as individuals and what we want to avoid
in the past. But, also, I think we're
more conscientious
of
what it means to be in a power
exchange because
our power exchange from the very beginning, long
distance, and then moving in together felt very
easy. Life could get hard. The power exchange
was fucking easy.
So we went with our sort of natural
ways of being. And, obviously, we've had a
podcast for this long. We've been dissecting it.
We've been talking about it.
But there weren't always the conversations of but
why do I behave this way as a
submissive? Why do you be and we're
more aware now. So then whatever the
whatever I do is a submissive going forward,
a lot of it is still an inherent
part of my nature. Sure. But I am
having different
conversations with you, and I am seeing things
through a different lens. So I'm
this time around, it's like I'm actively making
a choice
instead of just going with what's natural.
Does that make sense?
And no having the experience that I've had,
I can
I'm thinking more about I want to be
obedient. I want to obey.
I want the freedom
to obey, and that to me
is the key to it all. It is
a freedom. It is a luxury
to turn your brain off and go, okay,
daddy.
And if you if you get it and
and you you get to have that experience,
you know,
I hope you get to keep that experience
as for as long as you want. But
also,
my experience tells me that sometimes you don't
you can't live that luxury. The life just
won't let you. Mhmm.
That's true. But also now,
I can't turn it off so easily. Yeah.
And
so this part of this came up for
me because we're talking about unquestioning AKA blind
obedience. I like unquestioning. It just I like
that term better.
There are times
my sense of you
is that's what you want from me.
Like, as as a power changer, that's what
you want. Here's here's what I'm gonna say,
because this this is something that's been rolling
around up here since this.
There are there are times, yes.
I'm like,
I wish you would just do it. I
wish you would just
say yes and get on with it.
But,
on the other side of that,
I live for that push and pull between
us too. Mhmm. Because if I just became
a a s daddy kind of person, you'd
be like, what the fuck is wrong with
you?
And, yes, where our energy would be different
if we didn't have the push and pull.
Mhmm. The push and pull is the the
banter is the fun part. Right. Also also,
not to toot my own horn too loudly,
but toot fucking toot.
My questions sometimes save our ass. Just like
your questions sometimes get me to see something
differently. Right? That's the team aspect of it.
That's the collaboration
aspect of it.
I would like to relax enough
to have less questions.
I would and it's you know, and I
this is what I I
wonder.
When I have questions I'm gonna tell you
what it means to me if I have
a question for I have a question about
questions first.
Does it feel to you like I don't
trust you when I have questions? What is
the sense you get when I start asking
questions?
I never
had the feeling that you don't
trust me. Okay. Okay. That that
not not an issue.
Okay. At all.
I think
more than anything,
again,
and and that's what prompted me to,
you know,
say to you,
I'm I'm not I don't have the bandwidth
for this. Okay?
But,
most of the time more than anything,
and it's only when I'm in in those
moods that I don't
that, you know, it it's more frustrating
Mhmm. Than anything.
It is frustrating when you want a yes
or no answer, and my brain goes, that's
not even possible. That's not even Yeah. Actually,
the answer is 3. Where did he get
yes or no? Mhmm. So let me tell
you no. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead.
Go. Go. Go. You sure? Yeah. We kinda
suck at this, don't we? We're trying to
be polite to each other.
So this is not true every time. Mhmm.
Sometimes I just got questions I need to
understand.
My questioning
is not I'm glad you don't think it's
a lack of trust because a lot of
doms do think that, and it it can
be, but not always.
It's a lack of trust
in the world.
Not in every situation. Because sometimes that that
makes sense. But sometimes it's like,
you know,
you're asking a question,
yes or no. Or you want me to
do something and I put a pause and
go, but I have questions. It's because I
trust you and your judgment. You would not
be in the position you're in without it.
But I don't trust the world to work
out the way we think it's supposed to.
Oh, yeah. That's that's always true. That's always
true. That's not a new suspicion.
I've been that way
long time, but it's just it's closer to
the surface right now. Right? I don't have
the confidence in the world around me
to just go, I don't have to think
about this. I can shut down. I can
let my brain just calm down for a
second. And and see, on the on the
other
part of that question too,
I've known you long enough,
now after all these years,
and
I know how you are, and I know
for the most part
all those questions you're asking me
is because
you are
a perfectionist and you wanna make sure that
you have everything
in line so you can do that job
as well as you can. Because the most
in the most maddening thing is to be
inefficient. Why am I doing
work twice? Because I didn't do it right
the first fucking time. Let's just do it.
Yeah. First time. Yeah. And and I get
that. So, you know,
while while there are times that, yes, your
questions are like, oh, god. This again?
You know, I I know
what's behind it, you know, that you you
do wanna, you know,
serve and do the best you can. Mhmm.
Mhmm.
I wish we could, like, have, like, a
a signal or a code or a system
for I could let you know, hey. This
is a good day for Headspace. Just ask
and it shall be done.
Or you can wave a flag and go,
hey. I I don't have it for all
the questions.
You know? I don't know. I wish there
was an easier way to kind of Transition
that. See that right. Yeah. Now I do
wanna talk about the idea of unquestioning obedience
from not a perspective you and I have
to deal with anymore or maybe I don't
think I've ever been this way.
But is to me the what's the
insidious part of that. There are absolutely
dominant partners out there that want unquestioning obedience.
That is what they demand
and expect from their sickness of partner.
Couldn't be me.
And I and I wouldn't doubt that there
are,
folks out there that have negotiated
and have that kind of relationship.
The thing is
is that there's an inherent danger to it.
So you can have it and negotiate it
and work towards it
or experiment with it, but not without a
whole hell of a lot of trust in
one another.
And both sides of the slash have to
trust each other, but
for a submissive to just
do what they're told to do and to
believe that they the risk is minimal or
acceptable, that they will be taken care of,
that's a huge fucking responsibility.
The people I worry about
and I don't worry about like, I the
worry is twofold.
It's the newbies who don't know any better,
submissives,
who think submission is just doing what you're
told and never asking a question.
I worry for them on a, oh my
god, I don't want them to be hurt
level. And I worry about the, air quote,
doms who think that's what dominance is and
or don't give a fuck. They're just abusers
and predators.
And they wanna do what the fuck they
wanna do without any of the responsibility.
So
unquestioning obedience,
I think you can kind of want that
for yourself whichever way you go, you know,
side of the slash.
But in my opinion,
it's never the first fucking step, and I
want any submissive to give serious fucking side
eye to any air quote, Dom who is
demanding it when you don't even know their
fucking name. Right? You don't you don't know
their real telephone number. You don't know where
they live. Why do they get unquestioning
obedience?
Now that I am not saying my way
of questioning is the right way. Mine is
the neurotic anxious way. Okay. Let's just be
clear.
I think it is entirely possible
to have as thorough a conversation as you
are capable of. And I say what I
mean by that is the more you experience
and do, the more
nuanced those conversations become because they'll be based
on experience, not just theory. Right?
I think there are for some people, the
questions come in the negotiations.
Mhmm. Okay. You're gonna want me to do
this in this way? Okay. Let me try
to think of as many questions I can.
Let's let's look at this from different perspectives.
Right? And you can never know all the
questions you should ask. Don't even try. Don't
put that stress on yourself.
Would I put that stress on myself? Yes.
So I know I'm probably speaking to a
brick wall out there
for those of you who would stress. But
I'm gonna tell you, you can't know every
question you're gonna have
in the beginning. But I think that you
can try to be really thorough and then
practice unquestioning obedience.
Practice, and I mean that by,
you're gonna go through a day, a week,
or whatever of doing what you're told without
question unless it's a safety thing or consent
thing, a limit thing.
But there's gotta be a debrief. There's gotta
be a time while you're working through this
to talk about, hey. How did you feel?
Oh, this came up for me. Oh, I
got 10 questions. Now can we talk through
this?
So, you know, there's no such thing as
total unquestioning obedience Yeah. And run from the
motherfucker who expects it.
I think you can negotiate and ease into
it and find the way forward.
That does not mean a submissive cannot ask
their fucking questions and express their opinions.
Goes back to how you do that. Right?
And, you know, what does that look like,
and when is that done, and how do
what are your
safety
measures to
take, you know, take everybody's well-being into account
to do this? Because
I'm somehow, I'm too anxious to be this
kind of obedient, and yet I'm a people
pleaser from hell.
I cannot imagine
doing something for somebody that I felt was
gonna bring me inherent harm. Like, I was
terrified of it. I could see that I
was gonna get hurt.
There's not a soul on this fucking planet
I trust enough
to go. You're asking me to, like, cut
my finger off for you. I'll do it.
There are folks out there who
who, to their own detriment, will,
you know, just do what they're told. And
there there are reasons for that that I'm
not qualified to discuss. I'm not a mental
health professional.
But that means there's then a responsibility on
a
responsible dom, a good dom,
to be to watch out for that.
If you want unquestioning obedience, you need to
trust
that your partner will speak up about their
limits, will not put themselves in danger just
because you asked them to. Right? It's a
trust that goes both ways. And I think
that
I don't see enough conversations
about that.
We talk about submission. We talk about serving.
We people talk about obedience,
but there are inherent
dangers
to
some of the levels of obedience Mhmm. That
people
say they want.
I say say they want because some people
want that. They're they're working towards that. And
I think that's the thing you could work
towards if everybody's on the same page. And
I think some people say they want
that until they get that.
Because if I just said yes, daddy, to
everything you said to me, there would be
no banter.
I would be born. You would be born.
I would.
And that's a valid thing. Right? Like
and it's I think that's why I get
so kind of kind of in my feelings
about being called borderline brat because no. No.
No. No. At my core,
I want to be obedient.
And I want it I even want it
to be easy. The obedience to be easy
for both of us. Like, I don't want
it to be hard. I don't want it
unless we're playing and it's kinky and it's
a scene. I don't want it
air quote forced or taken or
I am not brave enough to tell this
man, make me
outside
a fuckery. Okay?
I am not prepared for those consequences. I
don't want those consequences.
But I do want the push and pull
of conversation and a thought. This is a
thought exercise.
The mental
back and forth. That's what I want.
But it's
so that I
1, because I think I'm funny. I want
us to go there. But 2, so that
I know that I am safe to go,
yes, daddy. Right. Whatever you say, daddy.
I'll do whatever you want, daddy. You know?
Because he knows when I say whatever, that
whatever
is, whatever
within my limits,
within my comfort zone,
within my own sense of risk awareness. Like,
that's
whatever should never just be whatever. Right?
So I think you can have obedience with
questions. I'm obedient.
I just have questions.
You are.
It's just that, you know, sometimes instead of
taking the the straight path through, we take
a convoluted way around. Look. Look. I have
been trying to educate you on neurodivergency
for a hot ass minute,
And
the, there is no straight path for me
from one thought to the next.
It's a meandering path. We probably backtracked a
little bit. We went over a hill. We
went through something. We went under something, and
we went around something. Yeah. 1, we got
there, for the record, unless I forgot in
the middle because that happened.
But 2,
I think
it's inherently more interesting
my on my path
because
things connect. The scenic route. Right? It's the
scenic route. Not everything
all the time always connects.
But different things and different thoughts you have,
and you make connections mentally. I just take
you on the journey as I make
connections mentally. I just take you on the
journey as I make those connections. That's all.
That's
all. I I think there is something to
that as well about, you know, there's personality.
There's maybe neurotype. There's there's compatibility
issues
in about,
obviously, about power exchange in general, dom sub.
But then in the nuances of what does
obedience
look like and what kind of obedience are
you, the dom, gonna get from the sub?
And what does the sub need
to feel like they can obey?
And,
thankfully,
90% of the time, JB is delighted
by my scenic route
on the way to to obedience.
But that what that means is a person
who could not tolerate that, we we would
never work. And if it's 2 people trying
to force
their their puzzle pieces from 2 different puzzles
to match,
you know, it's con there's conflict. And it's
not because anybody's bad. It's not because that's
a bad submissive or that's a bad dominant
necessarily.
It just means that you each
want essentially the same thing, dom sub, power
exchange, but your
method of of how you're gonna get it
and your tolerance for what it takes for
the other side of the slash to give
you what you want
may be completely different. And that's
worthy of a conversation. Right? Like, if every
time JB asked me a what he thinks
is a yes or no question, he was
always annoyed that I was like, nope. There's
a third option you didn't consider here. And
that's it depends.
If he was always annoyed by that, it
would never fucking work. It would never work.
He is annoyed when he has a tolerance
level for it when he's in a good
head space. That's all I can ever ask.
He doesn't have to love all my scenic
routes and my weird ways of thinking.
He doesn't.
He mostly just has to tolerate
them. Just like I try.
I try.
I genuinely try to give yes or no
answers when you ask for them. I genuinely
try to just do the thing when you
ask me to just do the thing, and
sometimes I do. I want it on the
record. Mhmm. So once you go, baby girl,
I got a task for you, and then
I'll just go fucking do it. You you
you have made since we have started, you
know,
reinvigorating
our our power exchange,
you know, you did say to me that
you
want to work on
being more, you know, mindful Mhmm. In your
in your submission and your obedience,
And and I have have noticed that.
You you have been. Oh, good. I'm I'm
glad it's because I question, am I really
doing what I think I'm trying to do?
You are. Okay. Good. You are. Okay. Good.
You are.
Because I know that there are Come
on.
Yeah.
Because I know that there are parts of
my personality that from the outside looking in
do not seem compatible with submission.
I got too many thoughts and opinions, y'all,
and I like things to turn out the
way I think they should. I mean, don't
we all? But you know what I mean?
Like, there's, again, there's kind of a neurotic
level to that. I don't even know if
neurotic is the correct term to use anymore,
but it feels like it fits because I'm
old, and that's the word I know.
You know?
I
I just
I cannot possibly
only be speaking for myself, but
I I am speaking for myself when I
say deep down. I want to be obedient.
I just I think we also all of
us as individuals have to
broaden our understanding of what obedience
looks like and how somebody gets there.
And
because I
feel
safer
in the knowledge that you are ready to
take on more of the demands of being
a dominant and that you are doing that
and you're trying to do that. And I
feel safer that not every decision we make
is fucking catastrophic anymore. And I feel like
we have our bearings in life now, and
it's not
we're not constantly just surviving. Maybe. Hey. Maybe
we'll start thriving.
Who knows? Right? Like,
those things
I I think for many people, but I
just know for me, have to be in
place for me to be
a level of obedient
that we both want me to be. Right?
Because it's fun to banter and be silly
when
it's not that fucking serious. Right.
And when everything feels
that fucking serious,
maybe because it is, maybe because it's anxiety,
it's
it's no longer banter. It's
I need to be sure. I need to
have I need to know it's safe to
just
let go to submit.
And I know over the past few years,
I have not reckoned with that at all.
I couldn't reckon with it until I could
get kind of outside of it and look
back and go, oh, I both want to
be different. And also, that was not me
at my best, was it?
No. It was not.
There were other things I wanted to say
about obedience, and now they have flown out
of my brain hole.
But I I think here's the thing. I
think that
even if we had maintained a life where
all I we did was banter back and
forth on things you asked me to do,
and there was a a light push and
pull, I think without all the insanity
that
that's gone on, I think that would have
gotten old for both of us. Maybe. There's
there is a level of this too much
fucking playtime. Can you just do the thing
you're fucking asked to do? Like, there's a
balance, and everybody's balance is in, you know,
uniquely individual.
You like it until you're, like,
this ain't the moment for it. And I
have not previously,
I had not kind of been forced to
learn how to read the room on that.
And then I I did have to learn
to read the room. Hopefully, that means I'll
find a a good balance this time around.
So yeah. I've obedience is not as cut
and dry, I think, as some people think
it is. No.
I'm very I I would have to say,
you know, just like anything else
in in the BDSM world or, you know,
just obedience is a spectrum.
Absolutely.
And I think that the kind of obedience
a person is willing to give or a
a dom partner receives
is based on way more factors than, yes,
I identify as submissive, and here's what that
means to me. There's safety and trust and
comfort level. And I am
never gonna be entirely comfortable with the idea
of an unquestioning obedience because I don't fucking
trust it. Everybody has questions at at some
point and or
asking questions is like
working a muscle. Like, you can get used
to never asking questions.
I I I live in the public world,
and I look outside my house from time
to time. People can get very fucking used
to not asking questions, and that's not always
a good thing.
And so if you're a dom with a
a submissive who has not asked you a
question in an age,
I think that's worth a check-in. Okay?
And if you are a submissive who thinks
you can't ask questions,
that's time for some questions because
the timing, the method,
even the tone of the questions, that's all
negotiable. Right?
But the questions are nonnegotiable.
The ability to go, I don't understand. I'm
confused.
I'm uncertain.
I think there's a better way.
Like, I think it's a piss poor dominant
who does not
lean on to the extent that it's safe,
the strengths of their submissive. If you're submissive
smart as shit, you need to be like,
please be smart as shit for me because
we will both benefit from this. But if,
you know, you're the type of person who's
like, well, I'm the dumb. I'm in charge.
It doesn't actually matter
your knowledge, your experience, your way.
Oh, that's grotesque.
That's grotesque.
Obedience with questions is
the line I fall on. And I think
it's worth going back to what we talked
about when we were sort of defining obedience.
As a person who is obedient or who
wants to be obedient, think about why you're
obedient. Think about what drives your obedience.
I think it's okay if it's just one
thing. It's just fear of consequences.
It's just because you're kind of agreeable. It's
just that's fine.
But
understanding yourself a little bit better
can sometimes be helpful in those moments when
your behavior
is not matching who you think you are
or who you're trying to be either. Like,
fear of consequences, that's a good motivator for
me. It really is.
Also, I'm agreeable, but also
ambiguity and lack of information is less likely
to make me obedient.
So if one of the factors I need
for obedience to be obedient is not being
met,
I'm obedient but with questions.
I need a conversation. I need some context.
Right? Like, but that's an under and that's
an understanding I've come to for myself over
time.
And it's been put in words by just
having
the resources that I looked up for this
episode. Mhmm. I I understood it on, like,
a visceral level, but I didn't have words
for it. And that those words make sense
to me.
So I'm saying, yes. Obedience is an inherent
part of submission,
but like everything we do, it's it's worthy
of introspection and questioning. Mhmm.
That's all I'm saying.
That's very true.
Anything you would like to add? Mhmm. Okay.
So I guess we can be done and
go into a bonus section. Yeah. So we're
good? I don't know.
Keep it kinky, y'all. I will see you
next week.
Dada.
Yes, baby girl. Can we talk to the
crickets, please?
Yes.
Yay.
Yes, we can.
I've got nothing to say.
Well, it's been, I mean, it's been kind
of a quiet week. It it has been
kind of a quiet week.
You know, we are
experiencing our
our aspect of the arctic blast here,
where we live.
It has not snowed. No. I'm grateful for
that. Yeah. We they did call for,
flurries, but,
so far have not seen any. Not at
our house? Not at our yeah. Not in
this area here, at least.
But,
my gosh. Tallahassee last night, they were expecting
an inch an hour. Mhmm. Pensacola, it's currently
unofficial last time I saw it, but they
think Pensacola got about 8.8 inches. Yeah.
Yep.
Like, I have
memories of being in the Panhandle area and
seeing a little bit of snow, seeing flurries.
Like, it was rare, but, yeah,
snow that stuck to the ground and then
accumulated it. No less. Yeah.
Imagine. Damn. No. We are in Florida for
a reason, y'all, and it's to get away
from that. Right?
Right? Yeah. Everything so I know folks who
deal with actual cold are gonna find this
humorous, but
give me a second here. Everything's fucking shut
down because we don't have there's no snow
tires. There's no
salt for the I don't even know what
the fuck you do. Salt? There's none of
that. Like They they salt the road, you
know, I think at least they used to.
You know, plows, obviously. We we don't and
I saw that on the news today. They
were like, yeah. A lot a lot of
places that could get snow have to close.
We do not own a snowplow in our
communities. Like, I'm sure you can retrofit or
do something, but we are prepared for hurricanes,
y'all. If the wind and the rain wanna
get us, we got plans. Right. We're good.
We'll go our ass to work. But this
cold shit?
Not if the white stuff's coming out of
the sky. Hell, we don't know what to
do. And the joke has been online, and
it's a true thing. That's why it's so
fucking funny. These people don't know how to
drive when it's sunny in 75. Right.
We're we are not leaving our house today.
Little freezing rain or, you know, snow on
the ground? Forget it.
And Ra Ra is right and live chat.
Hell froze over. Yep.
Yeah. Mhmm. I did see I did see
a thing online that also made me laugh
that, I guess people from other countries
have put this little thing out that's like,
other countries look at the US
the way that the US looks at Florida.
Oh,
so
wow. The whole US the whole US is
like Florida? To to other to some people
in some other countries. Yes. Man, that's scary.
I know it's terrifying. I'm so sorry.
Also,
I mean, sometimes it's sometimes it's terrifying. More
often than not, it's terrifying.
But sometimes it's hilarious because Florida man and
Florida woman and Florida cat and Florida dog
and Florida alligator.
Those headlines are real. Those are real things
that have started a headline.
Some weird chat about them. I I I
wonder if it's the same way. I know
for me, at least, you know, I I
view Australia.
Oh, I'm terrified of Australia, but I saw
a reel that was probably a TikTok. Oh,
that's a whole thing I'm not getting into.
Thank I'm just
that's a whole thing.
I'm not qualified to talk on TikTok, but
I am watching and my eyes are wide.
But there was somebody from Australia, I guess,
who said,
let me explain Australia to those who have
not been there and to Americans, I think.
And so they went kind of through the
geography and they're like, this part right here,
I don't remember names, that's like the New
York City. And over here, that's like the
California.
And then there was some spot. I couldn't
tell how big or small it was. They're
like, that's like Florida. There's crocodiles. There's snakes.
There's crazy people. I was like, okay. And
they just kinda went around, like, the the
geography of Australia Mhmm. And related it to,
like, US states and and areas. And I
was like, oh, okay. I understand.
They're like I I think their premise was
you're looking at Australia Australia like it's all,
like,
bugs and reptiles that wanna eat you, and
actually, it's a little more diverse than Yeah.
No.
Let's see what else. Lola has an appointment
with
the,
ophthalmologist. Ophthalmologist.
That's a fun word to say. Yeah. It's
right up there with the aesthetic for me.
Mhmm. Ophthalmologist. Well, the,
the, medication has helped her eye, but is
not
still is not, a 100%.
So we're gonna get her in and see
what they have to say. Mhmm.
We got the car running like it's not
a 13 year old vehicle anymore. Yeah. We
did that. Yeah. Had just had to crawl
in, had a bunch of work done on
that.
Yeah. So, I also learned that,
a decade or more of,
accidentally hopping curbs
when I'm driving is not actually good for
your car.
No. No. No. A wheel something something had
to be repaired before it fell off my
car. A a, lug nut was
loose. Yep.
Had zenclosed.
Yeah.
Mhmm. Yeah. I was like, oh, so I
shouldn't be so nonchalant when I I don't
try to hop curbs. Y'all, I'm trying to
make a turn, but sometimes I misjudge because
my depth perception is not good. Yeah. I'm
depth perception
is not good. Yeah.
Yeah. So, I mean, that that's kind of
I've been
I have not been working very much in
the shop,
actually,
with this cold weather.
And I know they won't it's not that
cold in Florida compared to other places, but
to to us, to me,
with my thin Florida skin,
it is cold.
And,
you know, being being out in the shop
and and being that cold
and,
you know, plus it makes me makes the
bones ache a little bit now.
Yeah. Yeah. No. I mean,
neither one of us has tried to go
outside too much, and yet we have our
across the street neighbors in what for us
is extremely cold weather.
They were out there cleaning gutters Yeah. And
had hoses going. It's like nothing was gonna
freeze or out of that temperature right now.
Yeah. But it was like,
okay. Take advantage of your day off, I
guess. Right.
Could not be me. We had to I
I had to get a prescription called in
kind of late yesterday Yeah. Which made me
a little nervous because, you know, if
I wanted it, I needed I needed to
feel better.
I was like, there's a good possibility the
pharmacy will not have this ready before they
close.
And I was like, but it's supposed to
snow tomorrow, so I kinda need them to
try. They did. They did. I had we
were able to get there, like, right before
they closed. We're like, we don't have to
get out of the car. We've Mhmm. But
I had to drive because Jimmy was like,
I just need you to drive, and it's
the Corolla, so I should drive it. It's
and I was like, yeah. But I don't
drive well in the dark. So I'm like
a little old
lady. People are zooming past, and I'm like,
I kinda see where I'm going.
It's not bright enough out here.
But yeah. He was like, do you want
me to drive home from the pharmacy? I'm
like, I got it.
I
got
it.
So Andre asks, have we found the current
exchange rates have been hurting our sales? We
do not get an overwhelming amount
of international sales. So I'm sure it has
affected the few people who might have purchased
Right. If the exchange rates are not great,
but we are primarily
American customers.
And sales have been have been slow this
month, not like we're used to, but,
you know, there's a there's a lot going
on in the world. And I I know
even for kinksters, sometimes a new toy is
not your priority.
And and we've we've had a lot going
on too. So, you know, we we haven't
we we haven't been,
balancing
some stuff along with work. So, you know
Yeah. But, I can't tell when we're a
low on stock because we're still doing restocks.
It's hard to know, would we have more
sales if we had product and that's sold
out? We don't. You can't know. Mhmm. So
Yeah. We'll just we're being kind of
I wouldn't call anything about me relaxed, but
we are not, in panic mode about anything.
No. It's just we're aware of the state
of the world too. So And and, you
know, so a lot of what we're alluding
to, we'll be talking
a little bit more in-depth when we do
our,
Patreon
podcast. Yeah. We do a a behind the
scenes Mhmm.
Podcast episode every month
for for patrons through our Patreon. Membership drive
going on right now. Patreon.com/kayla
lords.
But, yeah, there's there's
stuff. There was something else I was thinking
about, and now I don't remember what it
was.
Could not have been that important. See, you
know, I used to say that, and I
used to say it proudly. Oh, because my
dad said it during my formative years. And
so now it's just the voice in my
head of, oh, you can't remember what you
were saying or thinking or doing. It must
not have been that important. But now I'm
a person who cannot hold a thought in
her head for more than half a second.
And I'm like, no. No. No. I forget
the important shit too.
My mind used to be like a steel
trap. It's now like a sieve.
That must not have been that important statement.
It's bullshit.
Oh my god. There's so many things. I'm
not gonna 1, I can't remember them all
that mind like a sieve thing. And 2,
this is not I'm not getting into it
all here, but there are a lot of,
like, sayings or aphorisms or just things that
like,
bullshit things that people say because saying these
things makes you sound certain, makes you sound
like you know,
instills, like, a false sense of confidence that
you understand the world. There are so many
of those fucking things from my childhood into
my my twenties and early thirties that, man,
I believed whole cloth, and I'm like, that's
all bullshit.
What the fuck, man?
Goddamn personal growth.
Having to rethink everything I fucking know.
So
Alright. So yeah.
I guess that's it for us, Yep. We
still got stuff to do our day, man.
Our day's not done, but Yeah. This part
of our day is done. Yeah. Okay. We're
gonna go.
Thanks for being here. Absolutely. To the bitter
end, especially.
Mhmm. Okay. Yeah. Bye. Bye.