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You're listening to the loving BDSM podcast episode

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425.

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Kayla Lurtz here with the one, the only

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guy who could put up with whatever I

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am, John Brownstone,

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and is clearly also kind of a masochist

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because he seems to enjoy it. That's all

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I'm saying.

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He hadn't been screaming into the night yet.

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So Not yet. No. After how many years?

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Right. Yeah. You've you've kinda done this to

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yourself.

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And And for the long haul now live

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with the consequences of your choices. Every day.

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Every day. I know.

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Look. Over my shoulders. Your life would be

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colorless,

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dull, and muted without me in it. And

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we both know this to be true. Be

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a be like a black and white photo

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from the dust bowl. Right. Exact exactly.

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Exactly.

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Exactly.

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Anyway, that's not what we're talking about today.

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Although

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my ability to tease like that,

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is part of the conversation

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because

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Yeah. It's a it's a thing that is,

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I feel like it's slowly warming back up

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and coming back online.

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This week we are,

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talking about the reemergence,

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the reconnection

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to our kinky selves, what it's felt like,

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what we've noticed,

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where we're each individually

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at,

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in that journey. So, yeah, that's what we're

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gonna talk about this week. Welcome to the

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Loving BDSM podcast. If this is your first

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time listening, glad to have you. If you're

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back for another week, welcome back. Loving BDSM

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is produced every Monday Friday for your kinky

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pleasure and education. Show notes are found at

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lovingbdsm.net.

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Go back often and feel free to add

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the podcast to your favorite podcast app. You

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could also follow the show on Fetlife at

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loving BDSM

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PC

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on Instagram and technically threads at that handle

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I will forever fucking hate.

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Loving d s and the number one. So

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it's at loving d s one. And if

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you think that's a

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weird, ugly handle, yeah, me too. That's why

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I hate it.

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On Blue Sky,

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it's at loving BDSM and then a whole

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bunch of stuff after it. So just, you

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know, search us as loving BDSM. We're there.

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Or on YouTube at youtube.com/loving

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BDSM, where you can watch us live stream

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the podcast every Wednesday. All links are in

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the show notes.

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Okay. So before we get into this week's

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episode, announcements.

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The first one is,

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apparently time is moving even faster than before.

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Wow. Because this Friday, January 17th yes. I

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looked at a calendar 5 times

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to know that I'm saying correctly. January 17th

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is our Friday night livestream virtual launch. Starts

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at 9:30 PM EST.

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We are making a change for 2025 because

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we are trying to get our lives back.

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We are ending at 11 PM EST. We

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used to go till midnight.

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We don't have that kind of stamina. Our

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our Saturdays cannot handle that. So we're gonna

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end at 11. That's part q and a,

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part just chatting and whatevering. Mhmm.

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So, yeah, that that will be,

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this Friday for podcast listeners. That's the day

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this episode comes out.

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It is the 3rd

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Friday of every month.

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That sometimes changes in December because holidays, but

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3rd Friday,

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ta da.

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Next announcement.

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I sucked up about 15 minutes of time

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last week talking about it, so I'll make

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it a little shorter this time. You know,

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14 minutes.

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We're in our annual

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Patreon membership drive. Look. You are welcome to,

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encouraged, and invited to join our Patreon at

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any point in the year, but there are

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some perks if you join during the membership

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drop. So first of all, you can join

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for as little as $2 a month. No

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matter what tier you select, you get, several

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of the same perks. Access to our Discord

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server. It is the only way to get

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access to that server.

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Behind the scenes,

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podcast episode where this year, we're gonna talk

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about what all of what's going on in

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our life, but we're also gonna focus on

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what what kind of progress we're making towards

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getting our DSLs

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back.

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And then we alternate

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months between a game night and a movie

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night. Game night is Cards Against Humanity, where

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we find out that we are all going

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to hell.

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And movie night Which will be in good

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company. Right. I know. And movie night is

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probably gonna focus on kink BDSM

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movies, but then there's holidays and we might

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watch something else. This that's new this year,

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so it will be a learning curve to

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do that. Mhmm.

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If you,

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join the $5 tier, you get access to

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something new that JB is doing, bedtime stories

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with JB,

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audio recordings of JB's voice. Mine will be

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nowhere near it. It's all him, if you

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like listening. And $10 tier, you get access

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to every digital product that's usually on our

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Etsy store, coloring books, workbooks, planner sheets. You

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get all that,

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at no additional cost. You can download anytime

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you need.

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If you join during the membership drive though,

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if you sign up as an annual member,

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you get 2 months free. You pay for

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10 months. You get access for a year.

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Regardless of how you join monthly or annual,

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everybody who joins during the membership drive through

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February 15,

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2025

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will get a goodie, an extra thing that

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you're not having to pay extra for. It's

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part of a membership.

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So everybody's gonna get a new

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BDSM workbook that I'm in the process of

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writing and is solely focused on communication.

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I started, like, brain dumping ideas today, and

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I can already visualize the structure. I hope

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it's good. Everybody gets that. If you are

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in the $10

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tier during our membership drive, you will get

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an exclusive

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10th anniversary

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loving BDSM,

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enamel pin. I still have to get the

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design finalized for that, but it'll be our

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logo. And then it'll say something like 10th

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anniversary, 2015 to 2025,

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because, yes,

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2025

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is our 10th podcast

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anniversary.

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So that is

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the Patreon. I tried to say it fast

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and not suck up too much time.

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The link is in the places. I also

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have a

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blog post,

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on the Loving BDSM website that outlines everything

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I just rushed through. So if you are

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a person who needs to go back and,

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like, read it for yourself, it's there.

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So yeah.

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We we would love to have any and

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all of you. For anybody who's like, I'd

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love to do that. I'd love to support

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you, but I am broke. Man, I feel

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you. Okay?

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I feel you. If you want to support

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the work we do,

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where it is safe for you to do

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in the online spaces that is safe for

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you to do this, feel free to share

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our website, our podcast, our YouTube channel

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a helpful episode, something that helped you personally.

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You know? Share it in the places where

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it makes sense to do.

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Spreading the word

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for more kinksters to find us

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goes a long way and definitely supports us,

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and we are grateful for that.

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Okay. I'm gonna stop the, sales pitch. Okay.

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Okay. We're gonna get into

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the episode.

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Cool. Cool.

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Okay. Let's see. So

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this episode

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originally started out when I was jotting notes

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down. I have so many notes y'all. I'm

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I'm not organized, but I am attempting.

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Because I was had been thinking

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before the end of 2024, I think we

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were still in, like, November time frame, maybe

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early December,

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about

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I could feel my baby girl side

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peeking her head like like a mere cat.

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Not quite sure.

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She she is up like a mere cat

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now and is fully visible

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to,

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JB's detriment.

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And, you know, I I've been thinking about

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that because I could see things,

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like, clearly happening, and I, you know, I

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like to analyze every freaking thing I do

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and say and think. Anyway,

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and I thought that was gonna be the

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topic

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originally. And then when JB said at the

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end of 2024 that he just doesn't even

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feel like his dominant self, and that's what

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he'd like to get back to, I was

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like, oh,

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that makes a better conversation if we talk

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about both sides of the slash.

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But we are at different points Mhmm. In

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that journey, in that experience.

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It is something I think that we are

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going through as individuals

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Yeah. That is

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currently impacting in a positive way our power

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exchange, but

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it's it's not at the same pace, and

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the impact is gonna shift and change over

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time. Something that we're each going through

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individually, but also together. Right. Right. Yeah. So

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we're gonna talk about our own individual perspectives

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and, you know, where we can see it

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impacting our power exchange.

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The thing for anybody watching, you do not

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have to relate to being a daddy dom.

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You do not have to relate to being

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a baby girl.

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Any part of your kinky self,

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if you've have had the experience or are

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going through the experience

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of kind of having to, like, push that

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down because the rest of life is lifing,

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I I I think that would be relatable.

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So the things I'm doing or that JB

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is doing will not be a one to

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1, hey. Do this, because it won't apply

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to everybody. But just the

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the act of thinking about it and focusing

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on it and

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maybe doing some obsessive

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anal analyzing like I do. You know? Whatever.

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Hopefully, can help anybody else out there maybe

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going through something similar.

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So

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when we when I we were talking about

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doing this topic this week, you weren't even

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sure how you wanted to contribute to the

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conversation because you weren't sure if you were

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ready to talk about it or what you

273
00:09:56,980 --> 00:09:59,059
had to say. Correct. But I suck up

274
00:09:59,059 --> 00:09:59,959
all the oxygen

275
00:10:00,419 --> 00:10:00,919
always.

276
00:10:01,299 --> 00:10:01,799
So

277
00:10:02,339 --> 00:10:04,500
I would like to hear your perspective as

278
00:10:04,500 --> 00:10:06,034
a dom, as a daddy, as well. I

279
00:10:06,034 --> 00:10:07,794
was prepared to just sit here and and

280
00:10:07,794 --> 00:10:09,714
look cute. You did that for the video

281
00:10:09,714 --> 00:10:11,254
we recorded earlier today.

282
00:10:12,995 --> 00:10:14,674
Anybody wants to time it? I think you

283
00:10:14,674 --> 00:10:15,414
spoke about

284
00:10:15,875 --> 00:10:18,659
3 minutes, over 15 minutes. Pretty much. But,

285
00:10:18,659 --> 00:10:21,299
you know, you I mean, I I set

286
00:10:21,299 --> 00:10:22,759
the tone and you

287
00:10:23,379 --> 00:10:25,860
That's true. And you kinda, like, sit back

288
00:10:25,860 --> 00:10:28,360
and let me go. Yeah. Right. So

289
00:10:30,019 --> 00:10:32,445
I would like to return the favor. Return

290
00:10:32,445 --> 00:10:33,825
the favor. Okay.

291
00:10:34,684 --> 00:10:37,565
So what what has this been like for

292
00:10:37,565 --> 00:10:39,565
you? How is it starting? What's it feeling

293
00:10:39,565 --> 00:10:42,284
like? It it feels good. I I think

294
00:10:42,284 --> 00:10:43,904
one of the one of the,

295
00:10:44,445 --> 00:10:45,904
big things that I I

296
00:10:47,230 --> 00:10:49,889
am kind of surprised at, but happy for.

297
00:10:50,029 --> 00:10:50,269
Mhmm.

298
00:10:50,909 --> 00:10:52,269
A lot of it is coming back as

299
00:10:52,269 --> 00:10:54,529
muscle memory. Mhmm. Mhmm.

300
00:10:54,990 --> 00:10:55,490
Alright.

301
00:10:56,350 --> 00:10:56,850
And

302
00:10:58,350 --> 00:11:00,429
which I'm grateful for because that had me

303
00:11:00,429 --> 00:11:01,089
a little

304
00:11:01,875 --> 00:11:03,794
nervous. Well, like, you forgot maybe you forgot

305
00:11:03,794 --> 00:11:05,075
how to do this. Well, you know, certain

306
00:11:05,075 --> 00:11:06,615
things, you know, they always say,

307
00:11:07,235 --> 00:11:08,754
you know, use it or lose it. Sure.

308
00:11:08,754 --> 00:11:11,075
Sure. Sure. Okay? Mhmm. And and, you know,

309
00:11:11,075 --> 00:11:12,915
I I know that just like I've been

310
00:11:12,915 --> 00:11:15,475
removed from IT for, you know, how many

311
00:11:15,475 --> 00:11:17,415
years now. Right. You know, I

312
00:11:18,950 --> 00:11:19,929
the the stuff today

313
00:11:20,309 --> 00:11:21,909
is not Not the same. Yeah. Not the

314
00:11:21,909 --> 00:11:24,470
same. So, you know, it's it it kinda

315
00:11:24,470 --> 00:11:27,110
goes with that. So I it so for

316
00:11:27,110 --> 00:11:29,690
that aspect, yes. I'm I'm I'm very grateful

317
00:11:30,075 --> 00:11:32,495
that, you know, that that is still there.

318
00:11:34,915 --> 00:11:36,254
I I think what I

319
00:11:37,035 --> 00:11:37,535
enjoy

320
00:11:39,915 --> 00:11:41,754
I I have been, you know, like I

321
00:11:41,754 --> 00:11:43,615
said earlier, my my word

322
00:11:44,090 --> 00:11:45,470
for the year is mindfulness.

323
00:11:46,250 --> 00:11:49,070
And and I find myself, you know, thinking

324
00:11:50,730 --> 00:11:51,550
about bedtime.

325
00:11:52,330 --> 00:11:54,490
Okay. Okay. And not just because you're ready

326
00:11:54,490 --> 00:11:55,450
to go to sleep. And not just because

327
00:11:55,450 --> 00:11:57,129
I'm ready to go to sleep. Yeah. No

328
00:11:57,129 --> 00:11:58,110
no no no no.

329
00:11:58,490 --> 00:11:58,990
Okay.

330
00:11:59,394 --> 00:12:01,495
No. I'm I'm I'm thinking about,

331
00:12:02,195 --> 00:12:03,735
what can I do this evening?

332
00:12:04,595 --> 00:12:05,095
Well

333
00:12:05,554 --> 00:12:08,115
How can I, you know yeah? So when

334
00:12:08,115 --> 00:12:10,195
you tease the shit out of me with,

335
00:12:10,195 --> 00:12:13,014
like, half a butt rub, that's, like, intentional?

336
00:12:16,649 --> 00:12:17,149
Great.

337
00:12:17,610 --> 00:12:20,670
Thank you, daddy. I appreciate you so much.

338
00:12:21,129 --> 00:12:22,670
You're welcome, baby girl.

339
00:12:27,769 --> 00:12:29,210
Okay. So what else other than torturing me

340
00:12:29,210 --> 00:12:29,504
at bedtime

341
00:12:38,384 --> 00:12:40,144
you know, right now, I I think that's

342
00:12:40,144 --> 00:12:43,159
the two main things that I've I've been

343
00:12:43,379 --> 00:12:44,759
seeing and kind of feeling.

344
00:12:45,299 --> 00:12:47,559
When can you pinpoint when

345
00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:48,839
that started

346
00:12:49,459 --> 00:12:51,220
popping up for you? Like, when you felt

347
00:12:51,220 --> 00:12:53,320
like you could do that or it started

348
00:12:53,379 --> 00:12:54,120
back up?

349
00:12:54,820 --> 00:12:57,000
I I think I I felt the

350
00:12:59,065 --> 00:12:59,884
first twinges

351
00:13:00,504 --> 00:13:01,004
probably

352
00:13:01,945 --> 00:13:03,164
early last week.

353
00:13:04,184 --> 00:13:06,664
Yeah. That feels about right. You know, I

354
00:13:06,664 --> 00:13:08,365
I I would have to say, I,

355
00:13:11,190 --> 00:13:12,169
you know, it kinda

356
00:13:12,470 --> 00:13:14,470
like with you peeking out, it it kinda

357
00:13:14,470 --> 00:13:16,309
peaked out for me over break when we

358
00:13:16,309 --> 00:13:18,409
took our our winter break. Yeah.

359
00:13:18,950 --> 00:13:19,269
And,

360
00:13:19,990 --> 00:13:21,289
it just kinda kept

361
00:13:23,110 --> 00:13:25,429
building momentum from there. Does it

362
00:13:25,990 --> 00:13:27,754
you know, it's muscle memory and now you're,

363
00:13:27,754 --> 00:13:29,934
like, anticipating bedtime and planning and

364
00:13:30,315 --> 00:13:32,954
is it a strange feeling? Is it an

365
00:13:32,954 --> 00:13:34,875
exciting feeling? Is it is it I mean,

366
00:13:34,875 --> 00:13:36,714
I'm assuming good or Yeah. We would not

367
00:13:36,714 --> 00:13:37,774
be here. But

368
00:13:38,235 --> 00:13:40,095
but, like, how is it making you feel?

369
00:13:42,089 --> 00:13:42,589
Good.

370
00:13:43,529 --> 00:13:44,429
Good. Okay.

371
00:13:48,570 --> 00:13:49,709
And and also,

372
00:13:50,329 --> 00:13:52,490
I I think the the word I would

373
00:13:52,490 --> 00:13:53,870
have to say is

374
00:13:54,254 --> 00:13:57,295
is trepiditious, maybe. Mhmm. Mhmm. A little nervous.

375
00:13:57,295 --> 00:13:59,615
Yeah. A little little nervous about it, you

376
00:13:59,615 --> 00:14:00,014
know,

377
00:14:00,575 --> 00:14:01,875
because it has, you

378
00:14:02,335 --> 00:14:04,195
know, been a bit. Mhmm.

379
00:14:05,455 --> 00:14:05,955
And,

380
00:14:06,579 --> 00:14:08,899
you know, yeah. It it's it's good, but

381
00:14:08,899 --> 00:14:10,360
there's still that little,

382
00:14:11,379 --> 00:14:12,039
you know,

383
00:14:14,820 --> 00:14:15,879
hinge there. Yeah.

384
00:14:16,419 --> 00:14:18,419
It's probably too soon for you since, like

385
00:14:18,419 --> 00:14:20,500
you said, for you, it's kinda started literally

386
00:14:20,500 --> 00:14:21,799
a week ago. Mhmm.

387
00:14:22,875 --> 00:14:23,774
Do you

388
00:14:24,554 --> 00:14:25,054
notice

389
00:14:25,675 --> 00:14:27,934
a difference yet between

390
00:14:29,835 --> 00:14:31,995
when you used to be able to just

391
00:14:31,995 --> 00:14:33,835
do this naturally and how it feels now,

392
00:14:33,835 --> 00:14:35,440
or is it just too was it too

393
00:14:35,440 --> 00:14:37,300
soon? You know what? I I am not

394
00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:41,040
I I thus far, I have done fairly

395
00:14:41,040 --> 00:14:41,540
well

396
00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:44,019
of not comparing the 2.

397
00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:47,440
Mhmm. And I'm trying not to. Yeah. I

398
00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:49,040
I don't want to do that if I

399
00:14:49,040 --> 00:14:51,254
can help it. Mhmm. If that makes any

400
00:14:51,735 --> 00:14:53,654
sense. No. That makes sense. I'm I'm the

401
00:14:53,735 --> 00:14:55,414
in the same boat. I'm not I would

402
00:14:55,414 --> 00:14:57,975
not purposely make a comparison. I think it's

403
00:14:57,975 --> 00:15:00,535
more of a, if it hit me that,

404
00:15:00,535 --> 00:15:03,815
oh, this is actively different in whatever way,

405
00:15:03,815 --> 00:15:05,495
then I might notice it. And so I

406
00:15:05,495 --> 00:15:07,070
just wondered if you noticed it.

407
00:15:09,769 --> 00:15:10,329
Yeah. That's

408
00:15:10,970 --> 00:15:12,970
Okay. And because we'll probably get to this

409
00:15:12,970 --> 00:15:15,370
as we go. But the little changes that

410
00:15:15,370 --> 00:15:16,190
you have felt

411
00:15:16,649 --> 00:15:19,230
with yourself and the the changes you're experiencing,

412
00:15:20,495 --> 00:15:21,315
do you see

413
00:15:21,695 --> 00:15:23,075
how it is impacting

414
00:15:23,695 --> 00:15:25,475
our relationship together?

415
00:15:26,414 --> 00:15:28,514
I I think I see how it's impacting

416
00:15:28,894 --> 00:15:29,394
everything

417
00:15:30,014 --> 00:15:32,115
with us together. Okay. Okay?

418
00:15:34,660 --> 00:15:35,480
There is

419
00:15:38,420 --> 00:15:39,080
a certain,

420
00:15:41,940 --> 00:15:44,120
I can't think of the word, feeling Mhmm.

421
00:15:45,379 --> 00:15:46,680
Difference in the way

422
00:15:47,605 --> 00:15:48,665
things have been?

423
00:15:49,125 --> 00:15:50,965
Like, do you mean in our interactions or

424
00:15:50,965 --> 00:15:52,904
just is it the is it the vibe

425
00:15:52,965 --> 00:15:54,665
that's feeling different? Or

426
00:15:55,205 --> 00:15:56,345
It it's the interaction.

427
00:16:02,190 --> 00:16:04,269
It it's the interaction, and I think it's

428
00:16:04,269 --> 00:16:05,730
just in all aspects

429
00:16:06,350 --> 00:16:08,669
of us, not just in our DS, but,

430
00:16:08,669 --> 00:16:10,830
you know, in our in our work, in

431
00:16:10,830 --> 00:16:11,649
our personal

432
00:16:12,429 --> 00:16:13,754
it it's it's like

433
00:16:14,315 --> 00:16:15,934
it it is a whole different feeling.

434
00:16:16,554 --> 00:16:18,075
At least to me, it is. Right. Right.

435
00:16:18,075 --> 00:16:20,154
And I I'm how am I trying to

436
00:16:20,554 --> 00:16:22,475
so new for you because it's just now

437
00:16:22,475 --> 00:16:24,014
starting for you. I don't know

438
00:16:24,394 --> 00:16:25,514
how to I don't even know what I'm

439
00:16:25,514 --> 00:16:26,875
trying to ask, but I do know what

440
00:16:26,875 --> 00:16:27,929
I'm trying to ask.

441
00:16:28,490 --> 00:16:30,509
I'm so great at this podcasting thing.

442
00:16:33,610 --> 00:16:35,789
It's I think it's more of a

443
00:16:36,250 --> 00:16:38,889
how since you have said you you feel

444
00:16:38,889 --> 00:16:40,350
it in all parts of our lives,

445
00:16:40,695 --> 00:16:43,174
how does that seem to be manifesting for

446
00:16:43,174 --> 00:16:45,514
you? Like, what are you seeing or feeling?

447
00:16:47,014 --> 00:16:48,154
Are there any specifics?

448
00:16:49,335 --> 00:16:52,054
I I can't really pinpoint any specifics right

449
00:16:52,054 --> 00:16:54,259
now. It's it's just a feeling. It's It's

450
00:16:54,259 --> 00:16:56,179
a vibe. It it's a vibe. The vibe.

451
00:16:56,179 --> 00:16:57,399
Yeah. It's the way,

452
00:16:58,500 --> 00:17:01,559
things are flowing between us. Mhmm. Okay.

453
00:17:01,940 --> 00:17:04,200
You know, that's that's kind of what meh.

454
00:17:04,339 --> 00:17:06,259
I will say you got you got a

455
00:17:06,259 --> 00:17:08,035
little testy we got a little testy with

456
00:17:08,035 --> 00:17:09,154
one another, but you got a little testy

457
00:17:09,154 --> 00:17:09,894
with me,

458
00:17:10,595 --> 00:17:12,515
sometime in the past week. And it Yeah.

459
00:17:12,515 --> 00:17:14,615
A couple days ago. Yeah. It was easier

460
00:17:14,674 --> 00:17:15,335
to, like,

461
00:17:16,195 --> 00:17:18,035
get to that point of turning that off.

462
00:17:18,035 --> 00:17:20,195
Not turning off how we feel, but, like,

463
00:17:20,195 --> 00:17:22,849
coming back to center, which is Mhmm. It

464
00:17:22,849 --> 00:17:25,190
is us against the against the problem. Like,

465
00:17:25,329 --> 00:17:27,890
neither of us was saying anything contrary to

466
00:17:27,890 --> 00:17:29,329
what the other was saying. We were literally

467
00:17:29,329 --> 00:17:31,429
on the same page. We just used different

468
00:17:31,490 --> 00:17:32,630
words. Mhmm.

469
00:17:34,289 --> 00:17:36,674
And me going, hey. Hey. Hey. I agree

470
00:17:36,674 --> 00:17:38,674
with you. I'm saying it differently, but I

471
00:17:38,674 --> 00:17:40,674
completely agree with you. We're on the same

472
00:17:40,674 --> 00:17:41,174
team.

473
00:17:41,634 --> 00:17:44,034
You heard that better than who you have

474
00:17:44,034 --> 00:17:45,974
in a long, long time.

475
00:17:47,234 --> 00:17:49,414
Long time, y'all. Yep.

476
00:17:50,274 --> 00:17:52,139
Once once you said that, yeah, I am

477
00:17:52,220 --> 00:17:53,440
I yeah. Mhmm.

478
00:17:54,619 --> 00:17:56,859
Yeah. Yep. And which was kind of a

479
00:17:56,859 --> 00:17:59,980
relief because right now, knock on some kind

480
00:17:59,980 --> 00:18:00,720
of wood,

481
00:18:01,099 --> 00:18:04,000
you know. Yeah. Here. It's not it's

482
00:18:04,460 --> 00:18:05,025
not nothing

483
00:18:06,224 --> 00:18:08,724
is bad. Anything that's not great is manageable.

484
00:18:09,105 --> 00:18:09,765
Nothing like there's

485
00:18:10,305 --> 00:18:12,065
like, there should be no reason for us

486
00:18:12,065 --> 00:18:14,005
to be at each other's throat. And

487
00:18:14,625 --> 00:18:16,464
especially not when we're trying to say the

488
00:18:16,464 --> 00:18:18,545
same thing, but literally just using different words.

489
00:18:18,545 --> 00:18:21,009
Different words. Yep. Yep. I don't know how

490
00:18:21,009 --> 00:18:22,609
we do that. I don't know how we

491
00:18:22,609 --> 00:18:24,070
could be in complete disagreement

492
00:18:25,009 --> 00:18:27,650
and yet be on opposite ends of the

493
00:18:27,650 --> 00:18:28,150
conversation.

494
00:18:30,529 --> 00:18:31,509
But it's so wild.

495
00:18:33,025 --> 00:18:35,904
So from your perspective and and finding your

496
00:18:35,984 --> 00:18:37,744
now here's the other thing I would ask

497
00:18:37,744 --> 00:18:38,325
real quick.

498
00:18:40,225 --> 00:18:41,825
It's so new. Maybe you haven't had a

499
00:18:41,825 --> 00:18:43,105
chance to, like, parse it out in your

500
00:18:43,105 --> 00:18:45,585
mind. Mhmm. What's coming back to you? Is

501
00:18:45,585 --> 00:18:47,930
it general dominance? Is it daddy

502
00:18:48,470 --> 00:18:51,029
dominance? What what are you feeling? All of

503
00:18:51,029 --> 00:18:52,730
the above. Gotcha. All of the above.

504
00:18:53,269 --> 00:18:56,069
Yeah. Okay. Mhmm. We will have to check-in

505
00:18:56,069 --> 00:18:58,694
again several months when both of us had

506
00:18:58,694 --> 00:19:00,534
have had time, but JB's had, like, more

507
00:19:00,534 --> 00:19:02,774
time to really process what he's feeling. Because

508
00:19:02,774 --> 00:19:03,755
I have at least,

509
00:19:04,134 --> 00:19:05,115
on some levels,

510
00:19:05,575 --> 00:19:07,274
been noticing this for myself,

511
00:19:07,575 --> 00:19:10,315
like I said, since November, December time.

512
00:19:11,089 --> 00:19:12,529
So is there anything else you would like

513
00:19:12,529 --> 00:19:13,430
to add about

514
00:19:15,009 --> 00:19:16,789
your perspective as a dominant?

515
00:19:18,210 --> 00:19:19,269
Okay. So

516
00:19:19,970 --> 00:19:21,190
Spotlight on you.

517
00:19:23,890 --> 00:19:25,750
So I'll say this. For me,

518
00:19:26,284 --> 00:19:28,044
the thing that came back first that I

519
00:19:28,044 --> 00:19:28,544
noticed

520
00:19:29,005 --> 00:19:30,924
was my baby girl side. Now for anybody

521
00:19:30,924 --> 00:19:32,605
who happens to be new here and and

522
00:19:32,605 --> 00:19:34,865
I haven't said it in a long time,

523
00:19:35,404 --> 00:19:37,884
the way I define my baby girl side,

524
00:19:37,884 --> 00:19:40,065
it is sort of on the little spectrum,

525
00:19:40,204 --> 00:19:41,085
but it is not

526
00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:43,920
like, I put it on the my baby

527
00:19:43,920 --> 00:19:46,420
girl ness on the little spectrum because

528
00:19:46,880 --> 00:19:48,660
I like things that would not be considered

529
00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:51,359
adult or age appropriate. I can behave in

530
00:19:51,359 --> 00:19:54,194
ways that would not look like, you know,

531
00:19:54,355 --> 00:19:56,835
a functioning adult should probably behave. I will

532
00:19:56,835 --> 00:19:58,134
whine. I will pout.

533
00:19:58,434 --> 00:20:00,054
You know? I will jump up and down

534
00:20:00,194 --> 00:20:03,634
and, you know, like most mature adults don't.

535
00:20:03,634 --> 00:20:05,634
Right? Like, I'll I'll have those reactions that

536
00:20:05,634 --> 00:20:06,774
are kind of childlike,

537
00:20:07,650 --> 00:20:09,410
but I do not have an age. I

538
00:20:09,410 --> 00:20:12,369
do not have specific childlike activities. There are

539
00:20:12,369 --> 00:20:13,809
things I like to do, but I don't

540
00:20:13,809 --> 00:20:15,509
have any that I gravitate towards.

541
00:20:15,809 --> 00:20:17,670
And, you know, we don't spend

542
00:20:18,130 --> 00:20:18,630
specific

543
00:20:18,930 --> 00:20:19,430
time

544
00:20:19,890 --> 00:20:20,549
in that

545
00:20:21,215 --> 00:20:23,855
daddy little space with one another. The baby

546
00:20:23,855 --> 00:20:25,775
girl part of me, it just is part

547
00:20:25,775 --> 00:20:27,055
of everything I do.

548
00:20:29,855 --> 00:20:32,335
In general, it's a vibe more than anything

549
00:20:32,335 --> 00:20:33,789
else. So that's how I define it. You

550
00:20:33,789 --> 00:20:35,869
can define it differently for yourself. I don't

551
00:20:35,869 --> 00:20:37,630
care. None of my business. That's how I

552
00:20:37,630 --> 00:20:39,470
define it. So I feel like I'm in

553
00:20:39,470 --> 00:20:41,869
the little world, but I would not, you

554
00:20:41,869 --> 00:20:44,670
know, classify myself as a little like others

555
00:20:44,670 --> 00:20:45,170
might.

556
00:20:45,549 --> 00:20:47,630
Anyway, so here's how I noticed it coming

557
00:20:47,630 --> 00:20:49,434
back first, and I think you noticed it.

558
00:20:49,434 --> 00:20:51,134
When I say it, you're gonna remember.

559
00:20:52,234 --> 00:20:54,095
I got very comfortable with whining

560
00:20:55,515 --> 00:20:56,335
very quickly.

561
00:20:57,275 --> 00:20:59,515
Like, out of nowhere. Like, one day, I

562
00:20:59,515 --> 00:21:01,055
was, like, this tense,

563
00:21:02,149 --> 00:21:05,589
like, stressed out, like, mom person who was

564
00:21:05,589 --> 00:21:07,909
just, like, real short and sharp and just

565
00:21:07,909 --> 00:21:09,509
let's get shit done, and I don't have

566
00:21:09,509 --> 00:21:11,589
time and patience. And then another moment, I

567
00:21:11,589 --> 00:21:13,849
was, but I don't wanna do that.

568
00:21:15,115 --> 00:21:17,194
What happened? The whining is strong with this

569
00:21:17,194 --> 00:21:18,335
one. It is. Oh my god.

570
00:21:18,634 --> 00:21:20,554
The when I like, I don't know if

571
00:21:20,554 --> 00:21:22,234
it was as the words are coming out

572
00:21:22,234 --> 00:21:23,595
of my mouth or if it was in

573
00:21:23,595 --> 00:21:25,934
the millisecond after, but I went,

574
00:21:26,554 --> 00:21:30,140
holy shit. Like, all internally. Like, what?

575
00:21:30,519 --> 00:21:31,420
Who? Where?

576
00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:33,640
And then, of course, anybody who knows me

577
00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:35,400
or has been here long enough knows I

578
00:21:35,400 --> 00:21:37,799
have to analyze that shit. Why did that

579
00:21:37,799 --> 00:21:38,299
happen?

580
00:21:38,920 --> 00:21:40,359
It took me a while because I think

581
00:21:40,359 --> 00:21:42,605
I whined, like, once, and then you gave

582
00:21:42,605 --> 00:21:43,845
me a weird look because it had been

583
00:21:43,845 --> 00:21:46,045
a while. Mhmm. And then we went about

584
00:21:46,045 --> 00:21:48,945
our, like, life. And then, you know, within

585
00:21:49,325 --> 00:21:49,825
days,

586
00:21:50,205 --> 00:21:52,525
it when I was upset about something, it

587
00:21:52,525 --> 00:21:52,765
was

588
00:21:54,125 --> 00:21:54,263
I don't there was nothing mature. I was

589
00:21:54,263 --> 00:21:55,670
very pouty whiny. I don't nothing mature.

590
00:21:56,049 --> 00:21:57,750
I was very pouty whiny.

591
00:21:58,369 --> 00:22:00,130
I don't wanna. Why do I have to

592
00:22:00,130 --> 00:22:01,830
do this? And what I realized

593
00:22:03,330 --> 00:22:05,170
is that for me to even have ever

594
00:22:05,170 --> 00:22:06,930
shown my baby girl side in the first

595
00:22:06,930 --> 00:22:07,430
place,

596
00:22:07,730 --> 00:22:09,170
I had to have a sense of safety.

597
00:22:09,170 --> 00:22:11,164
I had to feel like Right. You know,

598
00:22:11,164 --> 00:22:12,924
it was okay for me to do this.

599
00:22:12,924 --> 00:22:14,765
Now, hold tight, Bill, with JB, it's always

600
00:22:14,765 --> 00:22:16,205
been okay for me to do this, but

601
00:22:16,205 --> 00:22:18,525
I think the the sense of safety had

602
00:22:18,525 --> 00:22:19,105
to be

603
00:22:19,484 --> 00:22:21,839
within myself as well. And, you know,

604
00:22:23,039 --> 00:22:24,480
for my whole life, but, like, for the

605
00:22:24,480 --> 00:22:26,819
past several years, I've had to stay in

606
00:22:27,279 --> 00:22:28,740
a certain controlled

607
00:22:29,119 --> 00:22:31,599
mode of, at any point, shit will hit

608
00:22:31,599 --> 00:22:33,519
the fan and I better be prepared for

609
00:22:33,519 --> 00:22:35,204
it, which does not always leave a lot

610
00:22:35,204 --> 00:22:38,005
of time to just relax into a more

611
00:22:38,005 --> 00:22:38,505
childlike

612
00:22:39,444 --> 00:22:42,505
style. Right? A a less mature style,

613
00:22:43,365 --> 00:22:45,144
of being. And so

614
00:22:45,765 --> 00:22:48,299
I was like, oh, I'm I'm complaining.

615
00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:49,500
But,

616
00:22:50,039 --> 00:22:52,059
clearly, I'm feeling something

617
00:22:52,519 --> 00:22:54,059
that is allowing me

618
00:22:54,839 --> 00:22:57,240
to to start here. And I think maybe

619
00:22:57,240 --> 00:22:58,759
the first couple times I did it was

620
00:22:58,759 --> 00:23:01,160
sort of like like raising a flag to

621
00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:02,220
see how you would

622
00:23:02,585 --> 00:23:05,144
react. Like, again, a testing order is, is

623
00:23:05,144 --> 00:23:08,105
it safe to soften? Is it safe to

624
00:23:08,105 --> 00:23:08,605
just

625
00:23:09,065 --> 00:23:09,805
let go

626
00:23:10,184 --> 00:23:13,724
of the being a completely responsible adult 247?

627
00:23:14,585 --> 00:23:16,349
It's awful. Do not recommend.

628
00:23:17,690 --> 00:23:19,609
So that's I don't know how long that

629
00:23:19,609 --> 00:23:21,609
lasted where it was just it was not

630
00:23:21,609 --> 00:23:23,529
constant whining. No. No. No. I got shit

631
00:23:23,529 --> 00:23:25,049
to do, and I'm a grown ass adult.

632
00:23:25,049 --> 00:23:26,809
But if I was unhappy and it was

633
00:23:26,809 --> 00:23:28,889
small stuff. It was it was when I

634
00:23:28,889 --> 00:23:29,629
was unhappy

635
00:23:30,089 --> 00:23:30,589
about

636
00:23:32,144 --> 00:23:34,785
thing choices my my daddy dom was making.

637
00:23:34,785 --> 00:23:36,785
Like, was it time to go to bed?

638
00:23:36,785 --> 00:23:38,484
I wasn't ready to go to sleep.

639
00:23:39,664 --> 00:23:41,904
Was it time to turn out the turn

640
00:23:41,904 --> 00:23:44,244
off the bedroom lamp, which is the signal

641
00:23:44,545 --> 00:23:46,490
of put your phone slash book down.

642
00:23:46,869 --> 00:23:48,549
Like, it's time to actually attempt to go

643
00:23:48,549 --> 00:23:50,570
to sleep. I was not ready.

644
00:23:51,109 --> 00:23:53,830
Was my butt rubbed long enough? Never. The

645
00:23:53,830 --> 00:23:55,690
limit does not exist. Okay?

646
00:23:56,230 --> 00:23:57,924
And it was stuff like that. I think

647
00:23:57,924 --> 00:23:59,144
that's a given between,

648
00:23:59,525 --> 00:24:01,125
you know, you with the butt rubs, Lola

649
00:24:01,125 --> 00:24:03,525
with belly rubs, you know, never there there

650
00:24:03,525 --> 00:24:05,365
is no such thing. I can never rub

651
00:24:05,365 --> 00:24:07,945
enough for either of you. Just saying.

652
00:24:08,565 --> 00:24:09,065
So,

653
00:24:10,960 --> 00:24:12,880
you know, it was in those moments. It

654
00:24:12,880 --> 00:24:13,940
was in our very

655
00:24:14,799 --> 00:24:16,720
DSC kind of moments. I think I might

656
00:24:16,720 --> 00:24:18,559
have even whined over a task that I

657
00:24:18,559 --> 00:24:20,180
have done every day for

658
00:24:21,120 --> 00:24:23,224
clear literally over 10 years now, cause we

659
00:24:23,224 --> 00:24:24,445
moved in together in 2014.

660
00:24:24,825 --> 00:24:25,325
Like,

661
00:24:26,025 --> 00:24:27,805
and it was a way to

662
00:24:28,744 --> 00:24:29,244
safely,

663
00:24:31,065 --> 00:24:31,965
share my

664
00:24:33,625 --> 00:24:34,125
unhappiness,

665
00:24:34,505 --> 00:24:36,445
but in a way that I that

666
00:24:36,940 --> 00:24:38,720
we used to do that you recognize

667
00:24:39,180 --> 00:24:41,180
is not me coming at you as an

668
00:24:41,180 --> 00:24:41,680
equal

669
00:24:42,140 --> 00:24:44,140
in the this is a problem in our

670
00:24:44,140 --> 00:24:45,660
life and we need to fix. It's a

671
00:24:45,980 --> 00:24:46,480
Right.

672
00:24:46,859 --> 00:24:48,059
I know I have to do these things,

673
00:24:48,059 --> 00:24:49,340
but I don't wanna do them. And I'm

674
00:24:49,340 --> 00:24:51,019
letting you make me do them because that's

675
00:24:51,019 --> 00:24:53,595
how this works, but, it kinda sucks. And

676
00:24:53,595 --> 00:24:55,755
then some point after I think it was

677
00:24:55,755 --> 00:24:57,275
maybe a week or so. Might have been

678
00:24:57,275 --> 00:24:58,335
less, might have been more.

679
00:24:59,195 --> 00:25:01,035
The positive side started to come out. I

680
00:25:01,035 --> 00:25:01,934
started to

681
00:25:02,555 --> 00:25:05,674
y'all, I literally was giggling. Not always, not

682
00:25:05,674 --> 00:25:06,335
at everything.

683
00:25:06,875 --> 00:25:07,375
But

684
00:25:07,690 --> 00:25:09,450
JB would say something in his daddy dom

685
00:25:09,450 --> 00:25:11,289
voice, and I would just, like, tit her

686
00:25:11,289 --> 00:25:12,509
as though like, it was

687
00:25:13,289 --> 00:25:14,430
that's so weird.

688
00:25:15,930 --> 00:25:17,690
That's so weird. I was like, what is

689
00:25:17,690 --> 00:25:18,190
happening?

690
00:25:19,609 --> 00:25:21,210
He would you know, we would have good

691
00:25:21,210 --> 00:25:22,595
news or we'd have a moment that was,

692
00:25:22,595 --> 00:25:24,355
like, really positive. And I'd be like, yay.

693
00:25:24,355 --> 00:25:26,055
And jumping up at, like, just

694
00:25:27,234 --> 00:25:28,134
not the

695
00:25:28,674 --> 00:25:30,434
the part of me that I had been

696
00:25:30,434 --> 00:25:32,595
allowed to inhabit or felt like I could

697
00:25:32,595 --> 00:25:33,095
inhabit

698
00:25:33,715 --> 00:25:34,215
consistently

699
00:25:35,394 --> 00:25:37,559
for a while. Like, there was because the

700
00:25:37,559 --> 00:25:39,799
baby girl side of me is is part

701
00:25:39,799 --> 00:25:40,859
of who I am,

702
00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:43,659
yet absolutely peaked out, you know,

703
00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:45,419
for the past several years

704
00:25:45,720 --> 00:25:47,740
as, you know, new life life.

705
00:25:48,519 --> 00:25:49,819
But to have a consistent

706
00:25:50,794 --> 00:25:53,035
experience with it, that was unheard of anymore.

707
00:25:53,035 --> 00:25:54,015
And it was just

708
00:25:54,714 --> 00:25:56,234
it was just sort of coming out of

709
00:25:56,234 --> 00:25:58,234
me, and I was realizing, okay, if I

710
00:25:58,234 --> 00:25:59,214
felt and this was

711
00:25:59,515 --> 00:26:01,194
my the part of my brain that does

712
00:26:01,194 --> 00:26:02,474
all the analysis. I was like, if I

713
00:26:02,474 --> 00:26:03,775
was safe enough to

714
00:26:04,154 --> 00:26:04,654
to

715
00:26:06,029 --> 00:26:08,110
show negative emotion and to say I don't

716
00:26:08,110 --> 00:26:10,029
like this, I don't want this in a

717
00:26:10,029 --> 00:26:12,049
cutesy safe way, then clearly

718
00:26:12,430 --> 00:26:15,710
I am safe enough to relax completely into

719
00:26:15,710 --> 00:26:16,210
that

720
00:26:16,990 --> 00:26:19,634
no thoughts, just vibes. I'll giggle my way

721
00:26:19,714 --> 00:26:21,315
through this good thing, whatever this good thing

722
00:26:21,315 --> 00:26:21,974
might be.

723
00:26:22,434 --> 00:26:25,234
Like, JB bringing me a treat or him

724
00:26:25,234 --> 00:26:27,075
stopping so we could get a diet coke

725
00:26:27,075 --> 00:26:30,035
without me asking. O m g. Look. The

726
00:26:30,035 --> 00:26:31,974
weight of my heart is little

727
00:26:32,670 --> 00:26:35,549
treats. Snacky snacks and drinky drinks while we're

728
00:26:35,549 --> 00:26:36,049
out.

729
00:26:36,509 --> 00:26:37,730
Get me every time.

730
00:26:38,110 --> 00:26:40,350
Bring me one home when I wasn't expecting

731
00:26:40,350 --> 00:26:42,430
it. You'll get a blow job within, like,

732
00:26:42,430 --> 00:26:43,809
5 seconds. I'm just saying.

733
00:26:45,630 --> 00:26:46,369
Just saying.

734
00:26:46,830 --> 00:26:48,894
JB's like, wait. I need to rethink this.

735
00:26:50,154 --> 00:26:51,755
Which I find ironic. You can have one

736
00:26:51,755 --> 00:26:53,514
whenever the fuck you want. That's how we

737
00:26:53,514 --> 00:26:54,414
roll. Right.

738
00:26:55,755 --> 00:26:58,075
Now here's the other thing that started happening,

739
00:26:58,075 --> 00:27:01,034
and this was more towards towards our break

740
00:27:01,034 --> 00:27:03,039
time. When we finally could relax, we did

741
00:27:03,039 --> 00:27:04,400
the thing we have not done in years

742
00:27:04,400 --> 00:27:06,480
and took an actual break. Yep. I mean,

743
00:27:06,480 --> 00:27:08,559
I still had some work, but it was

744
00:27:08,559 --> 00:27:09,299
so minimal.

745
00:27:09,759 --> 00:27:11,200
And there were several days we didn't do

746
00:27:11,200 --> 00:27:11,700
anything.

747
00:27:12,080 --> 00:27:13,519
And I think I talked about this last

748
00:27:13,519 --> 00:27:16,180
week, is where our sex life came back.

749
00:27:17,164 --> 00:27:19,484
And it and so and I think part

750
00:27:19,484 --> 00:27:21,244
of this is because my baby girl side,

751
00:27:21,244 --> 00:27:22,464
my submissive side,

752
00:27:22,765 --> 00:27:23,825
they're all interconnected.

753
00:27:24,444 --> 00:27:27,085
Just because one facet of my personality peaks

754
00:27:27,085 --> 00:27:29,164
up doesn't mean the the rest is not

755
00:27:29,164 --> 00:27:29,664
there.

756
00:27:30,044 --> 00:27:32,369
So to be relaxed and safe enough

757
00:27:32,930 --> 00:27:34,230
to baby girl it up

758
00:27:34,609 --> 00:27:35,430
led to,

759
00:27:36,210 --> 00:27:38,390
you know, plus I'm on the right combination

760
00:27:38,450 --> 00:27:40,769
of medication right now, led to an increase

761
00:27:40,769 --> 00:27:43,430
in libido and, like, a desire for sex.

762
00:27:43,730 --> 00:27:45,569
And then we did the thing that I

763
00:27:45,569 --> 00:27:48,424
still, after all these years in a relationship

764
00:27:48,424 --> 00:27:50,984
with you, 13. We've known each other 13

765
00:27:50,984 --> 00:27:51,484
years.

766
00:27:52,265 --> 00:27:54,744
I actually finally just said, let's talk about

767
00:27:54,744 --> 00:27:56,204
how I like to have sex,

768
00:27:56,664 --> 00:27:59,464
Jamie. Now did I start the meeting that

769
00:27:59,464 --> 00:28:00,204
way? No.

770
00:28:02,345 --> 00:28:03,404
It was an organic

771
00:28:04,409 --> 00:28:06,889
conversation because, see, free use never went away

772
00:28:06,889 --> 00:28:09,049
in our relationship. We've modified it over the

773
00:28:09,049 --> 00:28:11,769
years to, you know, based on my health

774
00:28:11,769 --> 00:28:14,009
and my libido and and JB's health and

775
00:28:14,009 --> 00:28:15,849
mental health and all of that. But we

776
00:28:15,849 --> 00:28:17,434
hadn't had a real conversation about it in

777
00:28:17,434 --> 00:28:19,775
a very long time. And so

778
00:28:20,394 --> 00:28:22,474
JB, you know, did what we all do

779
00:28:22,474 --> 00:28:24,794
as humans. He had this, like, routine he

780
00:28:24,794 --> 00:28:26,954
would follow of, I woke up. I'm ready

781
00:28:26,954 --> 00:28:29,694
to fuck. Let me hit the right

782
00:28:30,210 --> 00:28:30,710
order

783
00:28:31,009 --> 00:28:33,990
of magic buttons Ding ding ding. On Kayla

784
00:28:35,009 --> 00:28:37,109
to to kinda prime the well.

785
00:28:38,529 --> 00:28:40,369
Let me squeeze out a whole tube of

786
00:28:40,369 --> 00:28:40,869
loo,

787
00:28:41,650 --> 00:28:43,250
and then we have sex. And I was

788
00:28:43,250 --> 00:28:44,695
fine with it because I just wanted him

789
00:28:44,695 --> 00:28:45,894
to get the fuck if he wanted to

790
00:28:45,894 --> 00:28:47,494
fuck. If I had an orgasm, I don't

791
00:28:47,494 --> 00:28:48,555
care. Like,

792
00:28:48,934 --> 00:28:49,914
it it was fine.

793
00:28:50,375 --> 00:28:52,215
But it, like, it wasn't a thing, I

794
00:28:52,215 --> 00:28:53,734
think, either of us were like, oh, I

795
00:28:53,734 --> 00:28:55,815
wonder if this will happen. Because we are

796
00:28:55,815 --> 00:28:57,880
absolutely at a point in our life, We

797
00:28:57,880 --> 00:29:00,039
can't say, oh, tomorrow morning, we're definitely gonna

798
00:29:00,039 --> 00:29:01,480
have sex. We have to wake up and

799
00:29:01,480 --> 00:29:01,980
go,

800
00:29:02,359 --> 00:29:04,919
did the stars align? Will my body let

801
00:29:04,919 --> 00:29:06,619
me move that way? Right? I'm like,

802
00:29:07,079 --> 00:29:09,319
is my body functioning the way it's supposed

803
00:29:09,319 --> 00:29:10,380
to? Can I do this?

804
00:29:11,400 --> 00:29:12,539
So, you know,

805
00:29:13,204 --> 00:29:14,805
he start this is why I was kinda

806
00:29:14,805 --> 00:29:16,724
surprised when you said for you, you've only

807
00:29:16,724 --> 00:29:18,644
felt it in the past little bit. Mhmm.

808
00:29:18,644 --> 00:29:19,144
Because

809
00:29:19,605 --> 00:29:21,285
it felt like kind of out of nowhere.

810
00:29:21,285 --> 00:29:22,565
I think it's because I said something. I

811
00:29:22,565 --> 00:29:23,684
was like, man, if you pull my hair,

812
00:29:23,684 --> 00:29:25,605
you can get anything you want. That's true.

813
00:29:25,605 --> 00:29:27,809
And it's so funny. You forget what you

814
00:29:27,809 --> 00:29:29,890
have to remind a partner of. I thought

815
00:29:29,890 --> 00:29:32,690
that was understood by every fucking body who

816
00:29:32,690 --> 00:29:35,009
knows us in a kinks since I, like,

817
00:29:35,009 --> 00:29:36,950
want I want my hair pulled consensually,

818
00:29:37,250 --> 00:29:37,750
please.

819
00:29:38,210 --> 00:29:39,794
But, you know, we've been stuck in our

820
00:29:39,794 --> 00:29:41,954
heads for so long, and we were out

821
00:29:41,954 --> 00:29:43,154
of practice for a minute. I think it

822
00:29:43,154 --> 00:29:44,515
was when I finally said, oh god. I

823
00:29:44,515 --> 00:29:46,275
love it when you pull my hair. But

824
00:29:46,275 --> 00:29:48,115
he started pulling my hair more. Well, guess

825
00:29:48,115 --> 00:29:48,615
what?

826
00:29:48,994 --> 00:29:50,214
I'm turned on more.

827
00:29:50,755 --> 00:29:51,255
It's

828
00:29:52,059 --> 00:29:54,779
one of the magic buttons that works every

829
00:29:54,779 --> 00:29:55,279
time.

830
00:29:56,859 --> 00:29:59,580
And, well, with you doing that more consistently

831
00:29:59,660 --> 00:30:01,259
and when I said consistently, not in a

832
00:30:01,259 --> 00:30:02,859
pattern. I don't know when I'm gonna get

833
00:30:02,859 --> 00:30:04,240
yanked back by my hair.

834
00:30:05,980 --> 00:30:08,944
Your timing is almost always great, though. It's

835
00:30:08,944 --> 00:30:09,184
great.

836
00:30:10,544 --> 00:30:12,325
Sorry. I'm reliving some moments.

837
00:30:13,024 --> 00:30:13,764
Pardon me.

838
00:30:16,704 --> 00:30:17,204
So

839
00:30:17,664 --> 00:30:18,484
in that,

840
00:30:19,024 --> 00:30:20,484
you were pulling my hair.

841
00:30:21,240 --> 00:30:23,880
We have a when we're both really into

842
00:30:23,880 --> 00:30:25,339
the fucking that is happening,

843
00:30:25,799 --> 00:30:28,359
there are certain things that JB does because

844
00:30:28,359 --> 00:30:31,179
my body reacts in certain ways. Face tapping.

845
00:30:31,319 --> 00:30:32,059
Oh, yeah.

846
00:30:33,079 --> 00:30:34,299
Hard ass smack

847
00:30:34,839 --> 00:30:37,454
on my ass. Like, all kinds of stuff.

848
00:30:37,454 --> 00:30:39,555
And your girl is crying for you.

849
00:30:39,934 --> 00:30:41,775
Lola's in the other room. She thinks she's

850
00:30:41,775 --> 00:30:42,434
been abandoned.

851
00:30:43,615 --> 00:30:44,115
So,

852
00:30:44,494 --> 00:30:46,674
you know, our sex got better.

853
00:30:47,775 --> 00:30:48,434
And then

854
00:30:49,099 --> 00:30:50,400
I finally just

855
00:30:50,779 --> 00:30:52,539
told him some stuff that I should have

856
00:30:52,539 --> 00:30:53,039
said

857
00:30:53,820 --> 00:30:55,759
forever ago, but I didn't

858
00:30:56,140 --> 00:30:58,000
I didn't care about sex

859
00:30:58,700 --> 00:31:00,700
in the way that I would like to

860
00:31:00,700 --> 00:31:02,160
care about sex with my partner.

861
00:31:02,944 --> 00:31:04,785
But, like, I just it didn't matter. It

862
00:31:04,785 --> 00:31:07,265
was like, whatever whatever JB wants, I'll go

863
00:31:07,265 --> 00:31:09,424
with it. And it started to matter again.

864
00:31:09,424 --> 00:31:10,865
It started to be like, yeah. Yeah. I'm

865
00:31:10,865 --> 00:31:12,384
happy to give him whatever he wants the

866
00:31:12,384 --> 00:31:13,204
way he wants,

867
00:31:13,585 --> 00:31:15,839
but actually, here are some things that I

868
00:31:15,839 --> 00:31:18,660
would really enjoy, and I finally just fucking

869
00:31:18,799 --> 00:31:19,460
said them.

870
00:31:19,920 --> 00:31:21,539
I know we preach, like,

871
00:31:21,920 --> 00:31:23,940
you know, clear communication,

872
00:31:24,880 --> 00:31:25,380
transparency,

873
00:31:26,000 --> 00:31:27,299
say the hard thing,

874
00:31:27,679 --> 00:31:29,715
but it's so easy in a long term

875
00:31:29,715 --> 00:31:31,715
relationship to just kinda get into your patterns

876
00:31:31,715 --> 00:31:33,154
and go, well, they know that. I don't

877
00:31:33,154 --> 00:31:34,134
have to say it.

878
00:31:34,835 --> 00:31:36,835
But no. You sometimes still need to say

879
00:31:36,835 --> 00:31:38,595
it. If nothing else, to just give the

880
00:31:38,595 --> 00:31:40,355
little nudge that yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This is

881
00:31:40,355 --> 00:31:41,575
the thing I still want.

882
00:31:42,470 --> 00:31:44,150
So we did. We sat down, middle of

883
00:31:44,150 --> 00:31:45,990
our break here in the office away from,

884
00:31:45,990 --> 00:31:47,529
like, you know, teenage years.

885
00:31:48,150 --> 00:31:49,910
And I was like, hey. I need to

886
00:31:49,910 --> 00:31:50,730
tell you,

887
00:31:52,070 --> 00:31:53,750
what is working for me. And so we

888
00:31:53,750 --> 00:31:55,529
have that conversation. Well, then

889
00:31:56,375 --> 00:31:58,855
once the sex got kinkier and I felt

890
00:31:58,855 --> 00:32:00,315
submissive in that space,

891
00:32:01,095 --> 00:32:02,394
it was easier

892
00:32:03,174 --> 00:32:04,634
to feel submissive

893
00:32:05,014 --> 00:32:06,154
out of that space.

894
00:32:06,855 --> 00:32:09,414
So we've talked about this many times over

895
00:32:09,414 --> 00:32:12,160
the years. My submission is fairly autonomous.

896
00:32:12,619 --> 00:32:14,380
He gives me the tasks. I just go

897
00:32:14,380 --> 00:32:16,140
fucking do them. So he doesn't have to

898
00:32:16,140 --> 00:32:17,579
do a whole bunch of oversight that can

899
00:32:17,579 --> 00:32:20,539
be overwhelming for him. Well, when you put

900
00:32:20,539 --> 00:32:23,144
your power exchange on autopilot like we had

901
00:32:23,144 --> 00:32:24,285
for the past few years,

902
00:32:24,825 --> 00:32:27,805
that means that when you're doing things autonomously

903
00:32:28,025 --> 00:32:28,765
on autopilot,

904
00:32:29,144 --> 00:32:32,184
there's no oversight ever. So there was almost

905
00:32:32,184 --> 00:32:33,964
no real interaction consistently

906
00:32:34,664 --> 00:32:37,384
that made me feel submissive. I had to

907
00:32:37,384 --> 00:32:39,779
kinda get myself into that headspace going, I'm

908
00:32:39,779 --> 00:32:41,859
making his coffee because I am submissive. I

909
00:32:41,859 --> 00:32:43,859
am bit like, my my one time a

910
00:32:43,859 --> 00:32:44,919
day where it's guaranteed

911
00:32:45,460 --> 00:32:46,980
was bent over the bed ready to go

912
00:32:46,980 --> 00:32:48,500
to sleep. How what is he gonna do

913
00:32:48,500 --> 00:32:51,055
to my butt next? Right? Like but that

914
00:32:51,055 --> 00:32:52,515
wasn't enough. Right?

915
00:32:53,375 --> 00:32:55,295
It was enough to get us through. It

916
00:32:55,295 --> 00:32:56,595
was not enough for

917
00:32:57,775 --> 00:32:59,775
where we're kind of at now, where we're

918
00:32:59,775 --> 00:33:01,394
getting to. Like your food.

919
00:33:02,174 --> 00:33:03,075
Hi, love, love.

920
00:33:04,679 --> 00:33:07,159
So having that conversation, and I think we

921
00:33:07,159 --> 00:33:07,659
even

922
00:33:08,440 --> 00:33:10,519
talked about this last week. You know? He

923
00:33:10,519 --> 00:33:13,000
started making changes to our to how we

924
00:33:13,000 --> 00:33:14,359
were having sex. He had I had to

925
00:33:14,359 --> 00:33:16,519
nudge him when he forgot because old habits,

926
00:33:16,519 --> 00:33:17,500
all that good stuff.

927
00:33:18,755 --> 00:33:21,815
But feeling submissive in the bedroom, which because

928
00:33:22,674 --> 00:33:23,654
sex and kink

929
00:33:23,955 --> 00:33:25,955
sometimes often go together for us. We can

930
00:33:25,955 --> 00:33:27,795
do kink without sex. We cannot do sex

931
00:33:27,795 --> 00:33:28,535
without kink.

932
00:33:31,075 --> 00:33:33,720
What I noticed how that transferred and it

933
00:33:33,799 --> 00:33:35,480
I think it started maybe a little bit

934
00:33:35,480 --> 00:33:37,640
before the sex life got better. Maybe it

935
00:33:37,640 --> 00:33:38,779
was at the same time.

936
00:33:39,319 --> 00:33:42,299
I have a bad memory for time things.

937
00:33:45,240 --> 00:33:47,275
That's when I noticed I started doing that

938
00:33:47,275 --> 00:33:48,734
thing that we talked about where

939
00:33:49,115 --> 00:33:50,714
we're out in public, and I'll just follow

940
00:33:50,714 --> 00:33:52,315
you like a duckling. I don't. I can

941
00:33:52,315 --> 00:33:53,994
just turn my brain on. And I was

942
00:33:54,234 --> 00:33:55,994
the thing was I could always have done

943
00:33:55,994 --> 00:33:58,075
that, but I had forgotten. My brain had

944
00:33:58,075 --> 00:33:59,750
to be on all the time to deal

945
00:33:59,750 --> 00:34:02,309
with whatever was gonna happen next, to worry

946
00:34:02,309 --> 00:34:03,750
about the next thing that needed to be

947
00:34:03,750 --> 00:34:05,429
worried about. There was no shutting off the

948
00:34:05,429 --> 00:34:06,809
brain. Who had that luxury?

949
00:34:07,109 --> 00:34:08,389
Couldn't even shut it off when I was

950
00:34:08,389 --> 00:34:10,869
sleeping. The amount of stress dreams that I

951
00:34:10,869 --> 00:34:11,369
had

952
00:34:11,829 --> 00:34:13,449
for a while. Oh my god.

953
00:34:14,230 --> 00:34:16,844
So realizing that I could just turn my

954
00:34:16,844 --> 00:34:18,204
brain off and let you, like, do your

955
00:34:18,204 --> 00:34:20,684
thing. That's a hard habit for me. That's

956
00:34:20,684 --> 00:34:22,684
hard for me. I have thoughts. I have

957
00:34:22,684 --> 00:34:24,305
opinions, and I have questions.

958
00:34:25,085 --> 00:34:26,684
But doing it felt so good that I

959
00:34:26,684 --> 00:34:27,965
was like, oh, I wanna I wanna do

960
00:34:27,965 --> 00:34:30,079
this more often. Right? Now

961
00:34:31,019 --> 00:34:32,940
let's be clear. I was doing that under

962
00:34:32,940 --> 00:34:35,099
my own power, my own control. JB probably

963
00:34:35,099 --> 00:34:36,780
wasn't even clocking it at first. I think

964
00:34:36,780 --> 00:34:38,460
you might notice it now because we've talked

965
00:34:38,460 --> 00:34:39,900
about it. You didn't know what the hell

966
00:34:39,900 --> 00:34:40,559
was happening.

967
00:34:41,019 --> 00:34:43,260
So was it really submission? Something. I just

968
00:34:43,260 --> 00:34:45,434
wasn't sure what. So was it submission?

969
00:34:46,214 --> 00:34:47,914
Maybe not. But I was,

970
00:34:48,614 --> 00:34:50,714
you know, maybe not in the technical definition.

971
00:34:50,934 --> 00:34:52,534
He was not controlling any of it. I

972
00:34:52,534 --> 00:34:53,815
was doing it, but I was doing it

973
00:34:53,815 --> 00:34:56,375
based on what I knew us to be

974
00:34:56,375 --> 00:34:59,034
and how things had been and who I

975
00:34:59,550 --> 00:35:01,789
wanted to be. Right? So I could kind

976
00:35:01,789 --> 00:35:04,030
of it's a little bit like experimenting with

977
00:35:04,030 --> 00:35:06,269
my own headspace before bringing him into the

978
00:35:06,269 --> 00:35:06,769
conversation

979
00:35:07,150 --> 00:35:08,769
because here is the thing.

980
00:35:09,390 --> 00:35:11,630
If that was a short lived thing or

981
00:35:11,630 --> 00:35:13,394
if that was a thing that no longer

982
00:35:13,554 --> 00:35:15,235
felt right, first of all, that'd be a

983
00:35:15,235 --> 00:35:16,215
different conversation.

984
00:35:16,675 --> 00:35:18,755
But if I came to you prior and

985
00:35:18,755 --> 00:35:20,114
went, hey, this is what I think I

986
00:35:20,114 --> 00:35:22,195
want and then I was wrong, well, that's

987
00:35:22,195 --> 00:35:24,034
a disappointment. And, like, I needed to, like,

988
00:35:24,034 --> 00:35:24,283
test the waters for myself. It's a little

989
00:35:24,283 --> 00:35:24,384
bit like I started whining as a baby

990
00:35:24,384 --> 00:35:24,934
girl to test those waters.

991
00:35:25,235 --> 00:35:25,735
Because

992
00:35:30,699 --> 00:35:33,420
because here's the thing, you can take the

993
00:35:33,420 --> 00:35:35,019
girl out of the trust issues, but you

994
00:35:35,019 --> 00:35:36,699
cannot take the trust issues out of the

995
00:35:36,699 --> 00:35:38,239
girl. Okay? So

996
00:35:39,434 --> 00:35:41,515
I, you know, I had to I had

997
00:35:41,515 --> 00:35:42,735
to see for myself.

998
00:35:43,035 --> 00:35:44,795
Well, once I realized, no. This still feels

999
00:35:44,795 --> 00:35:47,375
really good, and I really enjoy this. And

1000
00:35:47,434 --> 00:35:48,795
I could tell you were open to the

1001
00:35:48,795 --> 00:35:51,195
conversation Yes. Because that's important too. If his

1002
00:35:51,195 --> 00:35:54,110
headspace was nowhere near, you know, domly dom

1003
00:35:54,110 --> 00:35:56,989
stuff, then this would've nothing would've come of

1004
00:35:56,989 --> 00:35:57,489
it.

1005
00:35:57,950 --> 00:36:00,610
We still haven't had a fuller conversation

1006
00:36:01,070 --> 00:36:01,570
about

1007
00:36:02,510 --> 00:36:04,510
if we want to change anything we're doing

1008
00:36:04,510 --> 00:36:06,050
in our when we're out in public.

1009
00:36:06,349 --> 00:36:07,489
But what I noticed

1010
00:36:08,065 --> 00:36:10,465
just recently was it last weekend when we

1011
00:36:10,465 --> 00:36:11,985
went out or is the weekend before? I

1012
00:36:11,985 --> 00:36:12,804
don't remember.

1013
00:36:13,344 --> 00:36:14,945
You started doing a thing of, oh my

1014
00:36:14,945 --> 00:36:17,025
god. I fucking love you'd be walking ahead

1015
00:36:17,025 --> 00:36:18,784
of me because I'm your duckling who is

1016
00:36:18,784 --> 00:36:21,985
following you. No thoughts, just vibes. And you

1017
00:36:21,985 --> 00:36:23,880
put your hand back with the expectation that

1018
00:36:23,880 --> 00:36:25,320
I'm gonna hold your hand. I was like,

1019
00:36:25,320 --> 00:36:27,420
oh, I love it. I love it.

1020
00:36:27,960 --> 00:36:30,440
I love it. I feel safe. He is

1021
00:36:30,440 --> 00:36:30,940
physically

1022
00:36:31,239 --> 00:36:32,619
guiding and leading,

1023
00:36:33,079 --> 00:36:34,059
and I can just

1024
00:36:34,454 --> 00:36:35,355
I can just exist.

1025
00:36:36,055 --> 00:36:37,035
I could just exist.

1026
00:36:37,655 --> 00:36:39,974
I could just exist. And it it's such

1027
00:36:39,974 --> 00:36:41,655
a good feeling. It's one of those things

1028
00:36:41,655 --> 00:36:42,155
where

1029
00:36:42,775 --> 00:36:44,695
it feels good, so you wanna keep doing

1030
00:36:44,695 --> 00:36:46,535
it. And as long as it continues to

1031
00:36:46,535 --> 00:36:47,434
feel good,

1032
00:36:48,210 --> 00:36:49,730
you know, it becomes this feedback loop of

1033
00:36:49,730 --> 00:36:51,010
I'm a keep doing it because it keeps

1034
00:36:51,010 --> 00:36:52,449
feeling good. It keeps feeling good, so I'm

1035
00:36:52,449 --> 00:36:54,710
a keep doing it. Right? And I think

1036
00:36:54,849 --> 00:36:55,989
if we had hit

1037
00:36:56,690 --> 00:36:59,170
a, like, a barrier or a a moment

1038
00:36:59,170 --> 00:36:59,829
of tension,

1039
00:37:00,210 --> 00:37:02,494
it would have fizzled, or it would have

1040
00:37:02,494 --> 00:37:04,114
been harder to get back in.

1041
00:37:04,575 --> 00:37:06,575
But I'm getting to kind of ride the

1042
00:37:06,575 --> 00:37:09,075
high of all everything feeling good.

1043
00:37:10,015 --> 00:37:12,494
Mhmm. And so then I wanna keep doing

1044
00:37:12,494 --> 00:37:13,875
it, and I wanna

1045
00:37:14,239 --> 00:37:16,559
take it to another level. And our levels

1046
00:37:16,559 --> 00:37:18,880
are, like, baby step levels right now. We're

1047
00:37:18,880 --> 00:37:20,739
not we're not going from,

1048
00:37:21,280 --> 00:37:23,039
oh my god. Who the hell are we

1049
00:37:23,039 --> 00:37:25,199
in this power exchange to, oh, this kinda

1050
00:37:25,199 --> 00:37:28,555
feels good to, like, some crazy high protocol,

1051
00:37:28,695 --> 00:37:30,954
really strict, all the obedience, like,

1052
00:37:31,335 --> 00:37:33,515
you know, hot and heavy scene. Like, it's

1053
00:37:33,575 --> 00:37:36,695
it's these little steps forward. And I think

1054
00:37:36,695 --> 00:37:38,375
we're both testing the waters when we do

1055
00:37:38,375 --> 00:37:40,394
that. I I I think we're we're both

1056
00:37:40,535 --> 00:37:41,914
kind of still in that

1057
00:37:42,260 --> 00:37:44,500
that place where we're we're dipping our toes

1058
00:37:44,500 --> 00:37:45,000
in.

1059
00:37:45,699 --> 00:37:46,839
It it's still

1060
00:37:48,579 --> 00:37:49,079
newish

1061
00:37:49,380 --> 00:37:51,059
to us. Me, a little bit more than

1062
00:37:51,059 --> 00:37:51,559
you.

1063
00:37:53,219 --> 00:37:55,139
You know, so yeah. We're I think we're

1064
00:37:56,765 --> 00:37:59,005
even though we know who we are Mhmm.

1065
00:37:59,085 --> 00:38:01,344
I I think there's, you know,

1066
00:38:01,805 --> 00:38:03,025
a little bit of trepidation

1067
00:38:03,405 --> 00:38:04,945
Mhmm. Going into it,

1068
00:38:06,204 --> 00:38:07,825
but, you know, I I

1069
00:38:08,684 --> 00:38:09,664
it it's not

1070
00:38:10,045 --> 00:38:10,945
stopped anything.

1071
00:38:11,405 --> 00:38:13,909
No. I I I it's because we're a

1072
00:38:13,909 --> 00:38:14,809
little uncertain,

1073
00:38:15,269 --> 00:38:17,989
not because we don't trust ourselves, but because

1074
00:38:17,989 --> 00:38:19,909
we don't trust good fortune. Well

1075
00:38:21,269 --> 00:38:21,769
yes.

1076
00:38:22,309 --> 00:38:22,809
Yes.

1077
00:38:25,994 --> 00:38:27,755
When it feels like every time you're like,

1078
00:38:27,755 --> 00:38:29,034
oh, this is the moment, it gets a

1079
00:38:29,034 --> 00:38:31,114
little bit better and you get smacked in

1080
00:38:31,114 --> 00:38:32,894
the face by stepping on the rake again,

1081
00:38:33,194 --> 00:38:35,674
you don't trust it anymore. Right? You get

1082
00:38:35,674 --> 00:38:37,914
whacked upside the head enough times. It's, you

1083
00:38:37,914 --> 00:38:40,380
know, yeah, kind of a deterrent. And right.

1084
00:38:40,380 --> 00:38:42,219
And you know, here's the other thing though.

1085
00:38:42,219 --> 00:38:44,319
We've had enough of a break from,

1086
00:38:44,699 --> 00:38:48,159
like, stressful like bad stress chaos Yeah. That

1087
00:38:49,099 --> 00:38:50,319
I feel like

1088
00:38:50,940 --> 00:38:52,005
we have the

1089
00:38:52,484 --> 00:38:54,324
many things we learned over the past few

1090
00:38:54,324 --> 00:38:54,824
years

1091
00:38:55,204 --> 00:38:57,625
from the situations we found ourselves in. But

1092
00:38:58,085 --> 00:38:59,944
one of those things is to be cautiously

1093
00:39:00,324 --> 00:39:02,884
optimistic. Yes. We are not blindly optimistic. We're

1094
00:39:02,884 --> 00:39:05,464
running in with no thought and no whatever,

1095
00:39:06,349 --> 00:39:08,829
but we're not pessimists anymore. That was our

1096
00:39:08,829 --> 00:39:10,910
lowest point. Your lowest point was when you

1097
00:39:10,910 --> 00:39:12,269
were a pessimist, and I was like I

1098
00:39:12,269 --> 00:39:14,369
was I was cool on your Right.

1099
00:39:14,989 --> 00:39:16,289
Yes. Yes. He was.

1100
00:39:18,190 --> 00:39:19,364
And so we've kind of

1101
00:39:19,844 --> 00:39:21,284
come out of another side of it. Now

1102
00:39:21,284 --> 00:39:23,045
the the thing I said this last week,

1103
00:39:23,045 --> 00:39:25,684
there's no straight line up, down, whatever. It's

1104
00:39:25,684 --> 00:39:27,605
a squiggly line all the way through. So

1105
00:39:27,605 --> 00:39:29,304
we're gonna have stuff that,

1106
00:39:29,764 --> 00:39:31,844
you know, we're not elated about. We're not

1107
00:39:31,844 --> 00:39:33,844
excited about. We're not like, yes, let's go

1108
00:39:33,844 --> 00:39:36,119
jump back in again. That's stuff's gonna come

1109
00:39:36,119 --> 00:39:38,839
up. We've just been very fortunate Yeah. That

1110
00:39:38,839 --> 00:39:39,980
as we're kind of

1111
00:39:40,440 --> 00:39:40,940
feeling

1112
00:39:41,719 --> 00:39:42,940
out what

1113
00:39:43,400 --> 00:39:45,500
we can do, wanna do,

1114
00:39:45,880 --> 00:39:48,224
you know, how does it does old stuff

1115
00:39:48,224 --> 00:39:50,244
still feel as good as it used to?

1116
00:39:50,864 --> 00:39:52,244
You know? It's all been

1117
00:39:52,625 --> 00:39:53,125
okay.

1118
00:39:53,984 --> 00:39:55,664
Now something you said earlier when you were,

1119
00:39:55,664 --> 00:39:57,904
like, you're not even doing a comparison from

1120
00:39:58,144 --> 00:40:00,809
Mhmm. Then to now, I'm not doing a

1121
00:40:00,809 --> 00:40:03,230
comparison. I don't I don't wanna compare either.

1122
00:40:03,450 --> 00:40:04,430
But there is

1123
00:40:05,610 --> 00:40:06,110
before,

1124
00:40:06,490 --> 00:40:08,250
you know, before a thing happens, there is

1125
00:40:08,250 --> 00:40:09,789
that little niggling, like,

1126
00:40:10,250 --> 00:40:13,150
not fear, but close enough of

1127
00:40:13,755 --> 00:40:15,454
will it be as good as I remember?

1128
00:40:15,914 --> 00:40:17,835
Right? Not will it be the same. I

1129
00:40:17,914 --> 00:40:19,914
Yeah. I don't I don't I'm not worried

1130
00:40:19,914 --> 00:40:21,194
about it being the same. Will it still

1131
00:40:21,194 --> 00:40:23,434
be as good? Good. Here's what I'm noticing

1132
00:40:23,434 --> 00:40:25,194
from my point in this. I mean, I

1133
00:40:25,355 --> 00:40:27,114
Okay. You're a week and a half out.

1134
00:40:27,114 --> 00:40:28,900
I am only about 2 months out, y'all.

1135
00:40:29,280 --> 00:40:30,180
Mhmm. It's

1136
00:40:30,960 --> 00:40:33,539
better because of the shit we went through.

1137
00:40:33,680 --> 00:40:36,480
It's better because I know how bad it

1138
00:40:36,480 --> 00:40:39,940
was. Mhmm. It's better because I fucking appreciate

1139
00:40:40,079 --> 00:40:42,500
it more. Because I now have the experience

1140
00:40:42,719 --> 00:40:43,460
of just,

1141
00:40:43,795 --> 00:40:46,755
you know, white knuckling it through life, put

1142
00:40:46,755 --> 00:40:49,074
everything on autopilot, and just hope that you

1143
00:40:49,074 --> 00:40:50,675
get to the other end and still like

1144
00:40:50,675 --> 00:40:53,235
each other. You know? Right? Yeah. Like Yeah.

1145
00:40:53,235 --> 00:40:55,175
It it Yeah. I'm probably

1146
00:40:57,929 --> 00:41:00,650
I it could almost it's not sub frenzy.

1147
00:41:00,650 --> 00:41:02,190
Sub frenzy is a a thing.

1148
00:41:02,650 --> 00:41:05,369
Dom frenzy is an equivalent Mhmm. Is a

1149
00:41:05,369 --> 00:41:07,789
thing. It's not that, but there is this

1150
00:41:09,035 --> 00:41:11,515
extra layer of, oh my god. This is

1151
00:41:11,515 --> 00:41:12,015
amazing.

1152
00:41:14,394 --> 00:41:16,255
That is probably not

1153
00:41:16,715 --> 00:41:19,515
fully settled in reality. It is the high

1154
00:41:19,515 --> 00:41:21,855
of the good feelings and

1155
00:41:22,235 --> 00:41:24,075
the, you know, kinda having that moment of,

1156
00:41:24,075 --> 00:41:25,628
oh my god. I think we might be

1157
00:41:25,628 --> 00:41:27,739
back. You know? That that kind of Yeah.

1158
00:41:27,973 --> 00:41:29,850
That kind of vibe. And that just adds,

1159
00:41:29,850 --> 00:41:32,195
like, a a an a layer to it

1160
00:41:32,195 --> 00:41:34,307
that is I mean, I can almost get

1161
00:41:34,307 --> 00:41:36,183
drunk on that feeling. Just talking about it,

1162
00:41:36,183 --> 00:41:38,060
I'm like, oh my god. I am so

1163
00:41:38,060 --> 00:41:40,855
happy. Not because life is, like, fixed and

1164
00:41:40,855 --> 00:41:42,775
we don't have any problems. Like, no. No.

1165
00:41:42,775 --> 00:41:43,355
No. No.

1166
00:41:43,655 --> 00:41:45,335
But I think it's because I am feeling

1167
00:41:45,335 --> 00:41:48,474
that connection to you in ways we just

1168
00:41:49,014 --> 00:41:51,989
couldn't do for so long. Right. You know?

1169
00:41:51,989 --> 00:41:52,969
And it it's

1170
00:41:53,750 --> 00:41:55,610
it's wonderful. Highly recommend.

1171
00:41:57,030 --> 00:41:57,929
Highly recommend.

1172
00:41:59,429 --> 00:41:59,929
So,

1173
00:42:00,630 --> 00:42:02,230
a question that came up. I was thinking

1174
00:42:02,230 --> 00:42:02,730
about

1175
00:42:03,030 --> 00:42:05,264
whichever weekend it was, It was before you

1176
00:42:05,264 --> 00:42:07,045
kind of started having your own realizations

1177
00:42:07,344 --> 00:42:08,944
when you started sticking your hand out with

1178
00:42:08,944 --> 00:42:09,605
the expectation

1179
00:42:09,905 --> 00:42:11,204
that I would hold on.

1180
00:42:11,505 --> 00:42:13,425
What goes through your mind in moments like

1181
00:42:13,425 --> 00:42:15,105
that? What are you are you is it

1182
00:42:15,105 --> 00:42:17,125
a vibe? Are you thinking something specific?

1183
00:42:17,984 --> 00:42:19,125
Is it just a

1184
00:42:24,170 --> 00:42:25,530
I don't know. It's,

1185
00:42:28,730 --> 00:42:30,909
I I think it's more of a a

1186
00:42:31,289 --> 00:42:32,429
possessive thing.

1187
00:42:33,375 --> 00:42:36,094
Okay. Okay? You're feeling possessive? Yeah. I fucking

1188
00:42:36,094 --> 00:42:36,835
love that.

1189
00:42:38,335 --> 00:42:40,015
I wouldn't want that from no damn body

1190
00:42:40,015 --> 00:42:40,835
else, but

1191
00:42:41,614 --> 00:42:43,934
I like being yours in whatever way we're

1192
00:42:43,934 --> 00:42:45,775
defining. Like, I Right. I know. Part of

1193
00:42:45,775 --> 00:42:47,630
it because I like that feeling,

1194
00:42:48,250 --> 00:42:49,849
and there's a a dominance and a power

1195
00:42:49,849 --> 00:42:51,869
to it. But also there's a for me,

1196
00:42:52,010 --> 00:42:54,650
there's a feeling of being protected in a

1197
00:42:54,650 --> 00:42:56,730
way. Like, not from, like, the bad guy

1198
00:42:56,730 --> 00:42:58,809
or the monster, but just like like, you're

1199
00:42:58,809 --> 00:43:00,434
holding me close. You're gonna keep me safe.

1200
00:43:00,914 --> 00:43:02,914
From what? We don't know. We don't know.

1201
00:43:03,155 --> 00:43:04,055
It doesn't matter.

1202
00:43:05,235 --> 00:43:07,715
And I think here's my question to you

1203
00:43:07,715 --> 00:43:08,535
then. Okay.

1204
00:43:08,994 --> 00:43:09,494
As

1205
00:43:10,114 --> 00:43:12,934
everything went to shit and your

1206
00:43:13,875 --> 00:43:16,639
connection to your dominance diminished more and more.

1207
00:43:18,460 --> 00:43:18,960
That

1208
00:43:19,739 --> 00:43:22,559
that possessive feeling, that protective feeling. Mhmm.

1209
00:43:23,179 --> 00:43:24,799
Was it even there for you?

1210
00:43:25,579 --> 00:43:27,679
No. Mhmm. No. Mhmm.

1211
00:43:29,114 --> 00:43:30,815
And what's so funny is

1212
00:43:31,275 --> 00:43:33,114
I didn't notice it was gone. I didn't

1213
00:43:33,114 --> 00:43:35,034
I didn't clock it at all. But had

1214
00:43:35,034 --> 00:43:37,034
it appeared at any point in the past

1215
00:43:37,034 --> 00:43:38,815
years, I would have just

1216
00:43:39,515 --> 00:43:41,230
drunk it up like,

1217
00:43:42,250 --> 00:43:43,929
you know, puddle of water in the desert.

1218
00:43:43,929 --> 00:43:45,369
Like, I just Like somebody out there gonna

1219
00:43:45,369 --> 00:43:47,530
say somebody being in the desert. Mhmm. Yeah.

1220
00:43:47,530 --> 00:43:49,849
Mhmm. Yeah. And it's so funny. The things

1221
00:43:49,849 --> 00:43:50,510
you don't

1222
00:43:51,609 --> 00:43:52,109
notice

1223
00:43:52,809 --> 00:43:53,309
were

1224
00:43:53,684 --> 00:43:56,085
missing or were different until you get to

1225
00:43:56,085 --> 00:43:58,585
have the perspective of looking back and feeling

1226
00:43:58,805 --> 00:44:01,465
how it, air quote, is supposed to feel.

1227
00:44:02,085 --> 00:44:03,844
Because now I'm like, yeah, you were not

1228
00:44:04,005 --> 00:44:05,125
you would hold my hand. If I wanted

1229
00:44:05,125 --> 00:44:06,244
to hold your hand, you'd hold my hand.

1230
00:44:06,244 --> 00:44:08,369
Yeah. We love one another. Right. It was

1231
00:44:08,849 --> 00:44:10,450
never a matter of not wanting to be

1232
00:44:10,450 --> 00:44:11,809
together and not wanting to be in the

1233
00:44:11,809 --> 00:44:13,970
power exchange. But, man, it was so hard

1234
00:44:13,970 --> 00:44:17,010
to express it in these small, small ways

1235
00:44:17,010 --> 00:44:20,390
that right now feel big. They're so noticeable

1236
00:44:20,930 --> 00:44:22,630
because they weren't there.

1237
00:44:23,255 --> 00:44:25,574
Right? And then it feels amazing because it's

1238
00:44:25,574 --> 00:44:28,055
like, oh, I now I can now compare

1239
00:44:28,055 --> 00:44:28,795
this moment

1240
00:44:29,494 --> 00:44:29,994
to

1241
00:44:30,375 --> 00:44:33,275
3 or 4 months ago. Truly. Truly. Truly.

1242
00:44:33,735 --> 00:44:34,295
And it

1243
00:44:35,550 --> 00:44:36,989
I don't know. It's like it's like a

1244
00:44:36,989 --> 00:44:38,989
high. Like, I've I've like, I'm I'm riding

1245
00:44:38,989 --> 00:44:40,210
a fucking high right now.

1246
00:44:40,550 --> 00:44:42,930
Mhmm. Yeah. I think we both are.

1247
00:44:43,789 --> 00:44:45,869
So we can't I don't not a fan

1248
00:44:45,869 --> 00:44:47,250
of predictions because

1249
00:44:47,630 --> 00:44:49,644
I had 4 years of my predictions being

1250
00:44:49,644 --> 00:44:50,704
really fucking wrong

1251
00:44:51,324 --> 00:44:52,224
to our detriment.

1252
00:44:52,525 --> 00:44:53,905
Not a fan of predictions,

1253
00:44:54,284 --> 00:44:54,784
but

1254
00:44:56,284 --> 00:44:58,764
do you have any thoughts or hopes or

1255
00:44:58,764 --> 00:44:59,264
whatever

1256
00:44:59,565 --> 00:44:59,724
of

1257
00:45:00,750 --> 00:45:02,610
for you personally, for us together,

1258
00:45:03,309 --> 00:45:04,369
what kind of

1259
00:45:05,309 --> 00:45:07,230
what you hope to experience next, what you

1260
00:45:07,230 --> 00:45:09,150
hope is on the horizon, even small, like,

1261
00:45:09,150 --> 00:45:11,150
granular things? I don't know, like, this stuff.

1262
00:45:11,150 --> 00:45:12,530
I'm looking at anything

1263
00:45:14,525 --> 00:45:15,025
particular.

1264
00:45:18,684 --> 00:45:21,164
Okay. Right now, I'm I'm looking at it

1265
00:45:21,164 --> 00:45:21,965
as more of a,

1266
00:45:22,844 --> 00:45:23,425
a generalization.

1267
00:45:24,204 --> 00:45:25,105
Does that make sense?

1268
00:45:26,285 --> 00:45:28,385
And and I I just want

1269
00:45:28,889 --> 00:45:30,029
what has started

1270
00:45:30,969 --> 00:45:32,909
to build and continue. Mhmm.

1271
00:45:33,369 --> 00:45:35,690
Do you have any sense of where you

1272
00:45:35,690 --> 00:45:37,210
would like it to build to? Like, is

1273
00:45:37,210 --> 00:45:39,609
there and I again, not a prediction, not

1274
00:45:39,609 --> 00:45:41,449
a this is what, you know, we're trying

1275
00:45:41,449 --> 00:45:43,414
to accomplish, nothing like that. But do you

1276
00:45:43,414 --> 00:45:44,934
have, like, in your mind's eye sort of

1277
00:45:44,934 --> 00:45:45,434
this

1278
00:45:46,215 --> 00:45:48,715
the this thing you missed, this thing that,

1279
00:45:49,014 --> 00:45:51,014
you know, if we get to that point,

1280
00:45:51,014 --> 00:45:53,734
you would enjoy that? Like, anything like that?

1281
00:45:53,734 --> 00:45:55,335
I I think as far as anything I

1282
00:45:55,335 --> 00:45:57,255
missed that that I definitely wanna get back

1283
00:45:57,255 --> 00:45:59,119
to, obviously, is is, you know,

1284
00:46:00,779 --> 00:46:02,079
turning your cheeks red.

1285
00:46:02,699 --> 00:46:04,139
And not just the ones on my face

1286
00:46:04,139 --> 00:46:05,679
that are perpetually wrong.

1287
00:46:06,299 --> 00:46:09,039
Thank you, suspected rosacea and sun damage.

1288
00:46:10,219 --> 00:46:12,139
That's what happens when you don't start wearing

1289
00:46:12,139 --> 00:46:13,724
sunscreen until you're like 40.

1290
00:46:15,325 --> 00:46:16,224
Okay? Anyway

1291
00:46:16,765 --> 00:46:19,805
So Mhmm. You know, and and and as

1292
00:46:19,805 --> 00:46:20,704
for the other,

1293
00:46:22,204 --> 00:46:24,144
you know, I'm I I don't really

1294
00:46:25,805 --> 00:46:27,105
have any expectations

1295
00:46:27,644 --> 00:46:28,545
as of yet,

1296
00:46:30,239 --> 00:46:31,860
because, 1, I know

1297
00:46:32,800 --> 00:46:33,300
it's

1298
00:46:33,760 --> 00:46:35,460
not gonna be what it was,

1299
00:46:35,840 --> 00:46:36,340
obviously.

1300
00:46:36,960 --> 00:46:38,019
Nothing ever is.

1301
00:46:39,039 --> 00:46:39,539
But,

1302
00:46:45,284 --> 00:46:47,204
No. I don't have a plan where I

1303
00:46:47,204 --> 00:46:48,485
want it to go, but I want to

1304
00:46:48,485 --> 00:46:49,945
see where this goes organically.

1305
00:46:50,405 --> 00:46:52,164
Yes. I agree with that. I agree with

1306
00:46:52,164 --> 00:46:54,164
that. And I I definitely agree that it's

1307
00:46:54,164 --> 00:46:55,764
not gonna be what it was. I do

1308
00:46:55,764 --> 00:46:57,684
have the hope and I have the belief

1309
00:46:57,684 --> 00:46:58,650
I have the belief

1310
00:46:59,210 --> 00:47:01,549
that it's whatever it is, whatever

1311
00:47:02,170 --> 00:47:04,109
we look like together in our interactions

1312
00:47:04,730 --> 00:47:07,529
will be better. Not because we're doing kink

1313
00:47:07,529 --> 00:47:09,630
better. Not because we are somehow better

1314
00:47:10,089 --> 00:47:11,069
dom or sub,

1315
00:47:11,684 --> 00:47:14,885
but because we walked through fire to fucking

1316
00:47:14,885 --> 00:47:15,704
get here.

1317
00:47:16,324 --> 00:47:18,565
Like, that's why, you know, saying at the

1318
00:47:18,565 --> 00:47:20,005
top of the thing I say this a

1319
00:47:20,005 --> 00:47:22,025
lot when people are talking about conflict.

1320
00:47:22,485 --> 00:47:24,644
Unless the issue really is you against them

1321
00:47:24,644 --> 00:47:26,585
because of some interpersonal thing.

1322
00:47:27,210 --> 00:47:29,210
In in our situation, it has been us

1323
00:47:29,210 --> 00:47:29,710
against

1324
00:47:30,570 --> 00:47:32,109
the world, like, whatever

1325
00:47:32,409 --> 00:47:35,309
the universe decided to hand us. Mhmm. And,

1326
00:47:36,010 --> 00:47:38,250
you know, there are were many, many, many,

1327
00:47:38,250 --> 00:47:39,949
many, many, many, many times

1328
00:47:40,394 --> 00:47:42,394
where we had to remind ourselves of that.

1329
00:47:42,394 --> 00:47:45,215
Right? It's so easy in stressful times

1330
00:47:45,914 --> 00:47:48,655
to turn that stress and anger and fear

1331
00:47:49,434 --> 00:47:50,875
against one another. And then you're in a

1332
00:47:50,875 --> 00:47:52,474
dumbass fight, and you're like, I love this

1333
00:47:52,474 --> 00:47:54,450
mother fucker. Why are we fighting?

1334
00:47:56,590 --> 00:47:59,150
Alternately, you're like, oh my god. My feelings

1335
00:47:59,150 --> 00:48:01,809
are so hurt because he was so mean.

1336
00:48:02,030 --> 00:48:03,630
I love him, but does he still love

1337
00:48:03,630 --> 00:48:05,890
me? Because I still have some issues. Okay.

1338
00:48:09,054 --> 00:48:11,135
So, you know, we couldn't have seen it

1339
00:48:11,135 --> 00:48:13,454
then. I cannot god knows. I can't predict

1340
00:48:13,454 --> 00:48:15,155
the fucking future. Not gonna try.

1341
00:48:16,574 --> 00:48:18,655
But it's, you know, it's kind of the

1342
00:48:18,655 --> 00:48:20,015
thing I say to you a lot. You

1343
00:48:20,015 --> 00:48:22,255
have survived everything that has happened to you

1344
00:48:22,255 --> 00:48:25,059
thus far. Mhmm. So this time, it was

1345
00:48:25,059 --> 00:48:27,139
a thing we've we are making it through.

1346
00:48:27,139 --> 00:48:28,739
We're not through it. We're just at a

1347
00:48:28,739 --> 00:48:31,139
point where it doesn't suck every moment of

1348
00:48:31,139 --> 00:48:32,039
every day.

1349
00:48:33,780 --> 00:48:36,099
We've gotten to see some mild improvements that

1350
00:48:36,099 --> 00:48:37,804
are huge, that are life changing,

1351
00:48:38,264 --> 00:48:40,905
but, like, there's still some shit. Oh, god.

1352
00:48:40,905 --> 00:48:42,925
The bonus section is like,

1353
00:48:45,545 --> 00:48:47,144
oh my god. I can't No, dear. I

1354
00:48:47,144 --> 00:48:48,204
kinda can't wait.

1355
00:48:50,280 --> 00:48:52,519
But, yeah, there's that feeling of we made

1356
00:48:52,519 --> 00:48:54,199
it through that shit. We are making it

1357
00:48:54,199 --> 00:48:56,840
through that shit. We whatever comes at us,

1358
00:48:56,840 --> 00:48:59,640
like Mhmm. And not in a, oh, it'll

1359
00:48:59,640 --> 00:49:02,039
be so easy. Oh, no. I'm actually terrified

1360
00:49:02,039 --> 00:49:03,640
of whatever the universe is gonna throw at

1361
00:49:03,640 --> 00:49:05,079
us next because I know for a fact

1362
00:49:05,079 --> 00:49:06,255
it's not gonna be easy.

1363
00:49:06,734 --> 00:49:07,234
But

1364
00:49:07,855 --> 00:49:10,414
which also makes me enjoy this moment right

1365
00:49:10,414 --> 00:49:11,714
now where things are

1366
00:49:12,174 --> 00:49:13,074
both calmer,

1367
00:49:13,614 --> 00:49:15,775
weights of bone section, and in some ways

1368
00:49:15,775 --> 00:49:16,275
improving

1369
00:49:16,574 --> 00:49:17,074
enough

1370
00:49:17,855 --> 00:49:20,469
to just notice these small things, to enjoy

1371
00:49:20,469 --> 00:49:22,389
these small things. Yes. Yes. And I'm glad

1372
00:49:22,389 --> 00:49:24,569
you said that because that that is exactly

1373
00:49:25,190 --> 00:49:26,650
something because after

1374
00:49:27,909 --> 00:49:28,409
everything

1375
00:49:31,109 --> 00:49:33,190
that has gone on over the past few

1376
00:49:33,190 --> 00:49:33,690
years,

1377
00:49:34,125 --> 00:49:37,105
it has made given me a much deeper

1378
00:49:37,405 --> 00:49:37,905
appreciation

1379
00:49:40,045 --> 00:49:41,505
of what we

1380
00:49:42,364 --> 00:49:43,105
are doing.

1381
00:49:43,405 --> 00:49:43,905
Mhmm.

1382
00:49:44,364 --> 00:49:45,344
What we're doing

1383
00:49:45,885 --> 00:49:47,585
in our relationship, in life?

1384
00:49:48,469 --> 00:49:50,710
In in our DS. Okay. Okay. Okay. I

1385
00:49:50,710 --> 00:49:52,409
was like, well, make sure I'm with you.

1386
00:49:52,630 --> 00:49:53,289
Yeah. Yeah.

1387
00:49:53,909 --> 00:49:54,630
Yeah. I just

1388
00:49:55,829 --> 00:49:57,449
it has been so nice

1389
00:49:57,829 --> 00:49:58,329
feeling

1390
00:49:58,789 --> 00:50:00,089
my baby girl side.

1391
00:50:00,630 --> 00:50:02,949
I'm sure you like it more when it's

1392
00:50:02,949 --> 00:50:04,565
the happy, cheerful baby girl,

1393
00:50:04,864 --> 00:50:07,525
instead of the the whining, baby girl.

1394
00:50:08,065 --> 00:50:09,984
I'm in pain. I can't. I'm a diet

1395
00:50:09,984 --> 00:50:12,964
coke. I don't wanna do that, Dottie. Okay.

1396
00:50:13,025 --> 00:50:15,344
And my voice really it changes. Yes. It

1397
00:50:15,344 --> 00:50:16,085
does. It does.

1398
00:50:16,464 --> 00:50:17,125
I actually

1399
00:50:17,425 --> 00:50:18,644
still have, like,

1400
00:50:19,659 --> 00:50:21,440
weird feelings about letting

1401
00:50:21,980 --> 00:50:23,280
the outside world

1402
00:50:23,820 --> 00:50:25,579
see that. Like, sometimes it comes out and

1403
00:50:25,579 --> 00:50:27,420
I can't stop it and yeah. Sure. And

1404
00:50:27,420 --> 00:50:29,179
the happy go lucky side of it. Yeah.

1405
00:50:29,179 --> 00:50:31,179
That's easy. But man, that part of me

1406
00:50:31,179 --> 00:50:32,239
that is just,

1407
00:50:32,655 --> 00:50:34,815
daddy, no. Like, I I'm in cringing trying

1408
00:50:34,815 --> 00:50:35,474
to even

1409
00:50:35,775 --> 00:50:36,215
Mhmm.

1410
00:50:36,894 --> 00:50:39,454
Mimic myself right now. Now here's what I'm

1411
00:50:39,454 --> 00:50:40,355
curious about

1412
00:50:40,894 --> 00:50:43,295
because I started coming back to myself before

1413
00:50:43,295 --> 00:50:45,635
you did. Mhmm. I started with whining.

1414
00:50:48,530 --> 00:50:49,570
You're so lucky.

1415
00:50:51,170 --> 00:50:53,170
How did that feel? Did you even clock

1416
00:50:53,170 --> 00:50:55,409
that at first? Like, what did that make

1417
00:50:55,409 --> 00:50:57,329
you feel like as both just my partner,

1418
00:50:57,329 --> 00:50:59,730
but also my daddy dog? I I did

1419
00:50:59,730 --> 00:51:01,489
not clock it at first. Mhmm. I I

1420
00:51:01,489 --> 00:51:03,074
did not. Really? Because you were giving me

1421
00:51:03,315 --> 00:51:05,734
serious side eye. Like, what the hell?

1422
00:51:06,594 --> 00:51:08,775
You know, I I think that was autopilot

1423
00:51:09,074 --> 00:51:09,734
at that time.

1424
00:51:10,514 --> 00:51:11,014
Autopilot

1425
00:51:11,474 --> 00:51:13,255
side eye. Oh my god.

1426
00:51:13,954 --> 00:51:15,574
It was very much a,

1427
00:51:16,170 --> 00:51:17,150
are you okay?

1428
00:51:17,530 --> 00:51:19,630
No. I don't wanna go to sleep.

1429
00:51:22,489 --> 00:51:24,190
Here's when I think I realized

1430
00:51:24,730 --> 00:51:27,389
on some level that you were remembering

1431
00:51:28,250 --> 00:51:29,869
and it was familiar again

1432
00:51:32,065 --> 00:51:34,144
when you started laughing. Yeah. Because look, if

1433
00:51:34,144 --> 00:51:36,065
I'm whining, it is not life threatening. It

1434
00:51:36,065 --> 00:51:37,985
is not serious. It is a small thing

1435
00:51:37,985 --> 00:51:40,724
that I just want the freedom to express.

1436
00:51:41,265 --> 00:51:43,025
I will do it because you tell me

1437
00:51:43,025 --> 00:51:44,465
I have to because that's how we roll,

1438
00:51:44,465 --> 00:51:46,085
but I don't wanna do it.

1439
00:51:49,099 --> 00:51:51,180
And I don't whine over the serious shit,

1440
00:51:51,180 --> 00:51:51,680
y'all.

1441
00:51:52,539 --> 00:51:54,059
Maybe I do a little bit, but, like,

1442
00:51:54,059 --> 00:51:55,579
I put my big girl panties on and

1443
00:51:55,579 --> 00:51:56,400
we move on.

1444
00:51:57,019 --> 00:51:57,519
But

1445
00:51:58,940 --> 00:52:00,239
you started laughing.

1446
00:52:00,539 --> 00:52:03,684
Mhmm. And first of all, as the woman

1447
00:52:03,684 --> 00:52:05,525
who loves you, as the submissive who wanna

1448
00:52:05,525 --> 00:52:07,605
makes you happy, my heart swells like the

1449
00:52:07,605 --> 00:52:08,425
fucking Grinch.

1450
00:52:09,204 --> 00:52:11,065
As a whiny baby girl

1451
00:52:12,244 --> 00:52:14,565
who has never dealt well with teasing, I'm

1452
00:52:14,565 --> 00:52:15,929
an only child. I don't know about that

1453
00:52:15,929 --> 00:52:15,969
life. It is so frustrating and maddening. And

1454
00:52:15,969 --> 00:52:16,255
so then I get frustrated in, like, a

1455
00:52:16,255 --> 00:52:16,755
light,

1456
00:52:18,380 --> 00:52:20,300
frustrating and maddening. And so then I get

1457
00:52:20,300 --> 00:52:22,559
frustrated in, like, a light nonserious

1458
00:52:22,860 --> 00:52:25,660
way. And so then he laughs harder, and

1459
00:52:25,660 --> 00:52:28,320
eventually, it's like his dom brain catches up.

1460
00:52:28,460 --> 00:52:31,519
And then it's like that darker, like, chuckle

1461
00:52:31,579 --> 00:52:33,260
thing that any if you've been around here

1462
00:52:33,260 --> 00:52:34,434
a minute, you know what he sounds like

1463
00:52:34,434 --> 00:52:36,594
when he does it. That. That. And I'm

1464
00:52:36,594 --> 00:52:38,514
like, oh, okay. The the Dom is coming

1465
00:52:38,514 --> 00:52:40,295
online now. Okay. Okay.

1466
00:52:42,114 --> 00:52:43,734
We have a full system reboot.

1467
00:52:46,275 --> 00:52:47,255
Yeah. Yeah.

1468
00:52:48,275 --> 00:52:49,315
Yeah. Yeah. That's

1469
00:52:49,849 --> 00:52:51,469
that seems about right. Yeah.

1470
00:52:53,449 --> 00:52:55,769
I do think I don't again, I'm not

1471
00:52:55,769 --> 00:52:58,969
making concrete plans for shit. I don't trust

1472
00:52:58,969 --> 00:53:01,929
concrete plans on anything anymore. No. But I

1473
00:53:01,929 --> 00:53:04,590
do have sort of the intention that

1474
00:53:06,494 --> 00:53:09,454
over the course of the year, like, 6

1475
00:53:09,454 --> 00:53:11,295
months, 9 months, the end of this year,

1476
00:53:11,295 --> 00:53:13,295
I don't fucking know. We will talk about

1477
00:53:13,295 --> 00:53:14,894
this again because right now, it's just the

1478
00:53:14,894 --> 00:53:16,034
beginning. It's that

1479
00:53:16,335 --> 00:53:19,074
exciting, everything feels good beginning.

1480
00:53:19,855 --> 00:53:20,355
And

1481
00:53:21,410 --> 00:53:23,010
rubber hadn't met the road yet. You know?

1482
00:53:23,010 --> 00:53:25,250
Something hadn't gone off the rails that we're

1483
00:53:25,250 --> 00:53:25,989
not expecting.

1484
00:53:26,450 --> 00:53:28,210
I mean god. Wait till you hit the

1485
00:53:28,210 --> 00:53:29,030
bonus section.

1486
00:53:29,329 --> 00:53:30,690
I might be building that up too much.

1487
00:53:30,690 --> 00:53:31,190
But

1488
00:53:31,809 --> 00:53:32,309
anyway.

1489
00:53:33,809 --> 00:53:35,914
And so we haven't had to navigate

1490
00:53:36,295 --> 00:53:37,515
a new stressor

1491
00:53:38,055 --> 00:53:38,555
with

1492
00:53:38,934 --> 00:53:41,255
finding ourselves again. And so I don't I

1493
00:53:41,255 --> 00:53:43,094
don't know what what will come of that.

1494
00:53:43,094 --> 00:53:43,994
I don't know

1495
00:53:44,295 --> 00:53:44,795
if

1496
00:53:46,855 --> 00:53:47,494
when we

1497
00:53:48,215 --> 00:53:49,710
this is all a journey. There's no, like,

1498
00:53:49,710 --> 00:53:52,269
destination. But I do think there is sort

1499
00:53:52,269 --> 00:53:55,070
of a feeling like you're your full self

1500
00:53:55,070 --> 00:53:57,949
again. Mhmm. Whatever that becomes, whatever that looks

1501
00:53:57,949 --> 00:54:00,269
like. Yeah. And however long it takes us

1502
00:54:00,269 --> 00:54:02,210
to kinda have that kind of feeling,

1503
00:54:02,909 --> 00:54:03,344
I

1504
00:54:03,905 --> 00:54:06,565
do think that if we are fully within

1505
00:54:07,344 --> 00:54:09,505
our kink selves and it's all meshed together

1506
00:54:09,505 --> 00:54:11,824
with with everything and that part is stronger,

1507
00:54:11,824 --> 00:54:14,224
whatever the stressor is, I will be curious

1508
00:54:14,224 --> 00:54:16,085
to see, but I hope that

1509
00:54:16,704 --> 00:54:18,945
we actually handle it better. Yeah. Because our

1510
00:54:18,945 --> 00:54:21,599
power exchange is functioning at a higher level,

1511
00:54:21,820 --> 00:54:22,960
and we are

1512
00:54:24,059 --> 00:54:24,559
comfortable

1513
00:54:24,940 --> 00:54:27,900
with who we are as individuals. And sometimes

1514
00:54:27,900 --> 00:54:29,340
that kind of acts as a little bit

1515
00:54:29,340 --> 00:54:31,179
of a shield at, like, the random shit

1516
00:54:31,179 --> 00:54:31,755
that happens.

1517
00:54:32,234 --> 00:54:34,074
Not the getting hit by a literal car,

1518
00:54:34,074 --> 00:54:35,934
child getting into a car accident,

1519
00:54:36,315 --> 00:54:39,034
parent passing away. Like, not that. Not that.

1520
00:54:39,034 --> 00:54:42,174
Okay? Not that. But, like, the small things.

1521
00:54:43,594 --> 00:54:45,880
Like, we're now a one car family. That's

1522
00:54:45,880 --> 00:54:47,260
the whole thing. So,

1523
00:54:48,119 --> 00:54:50,699
so yeah. Like, I think I feel like

1524
00:54:51,239 --> 00:54:53,900
as as this continues, assuming it will,

1525
00:54:54,360 --> 00:54:56,440
we'll actually handle parts of life a little

1526
00:54:56,440 --> 00:54:57,179
bit better.

1527
00:54:58,164 --> 00:54:59,224
Hopefully. Yep.

1528
00:54:59,844 --> 00:55:00,344
So

1529
00:55:02,164 --> 00:55:03,944
yeah. Yeah. I don't

1530
00:55:04,324 --> 00:55:05,944
I right. I for once,

1531
00:55:06,484 --> 00:55:08,324
I feel like I'm empty of all thoughts,

1532
00:55:08,324 --> 00:55:09,920
the things I might have wanted to say

1533
00:55:09,920 --> 00:55:12,320
about this. Wow. I know. Wow.

1534
00:55:12,640 --> 00:55:14,320
That does not mean that the moment we

1535
00:55:14,320 --> 00:55:16,400
turn off the camera and the mic, someone

1536
00:55:16,400 --> 00:55:18,400
go, fuck. I meant to say that. It

1537
00:55:18,400 --> 00:55:19,460
happens every time.

1538
00:55:20,239 --> 00:55:22,239
Any more thoughts from you? Anything that's come

1539
00:55:22,239 --> 00:55:23,700
up for you? Anything?

1540
00:55:25,755 --> 00:55:26,255
Okay.

1541
00:55:26,554 --> 00:55:27,054
K.

1542
00:55:27,355 --> 00:55:27,855
Okay.

1543
00:55:28,954 --> 00:55:30,795
I guess I could do a bonus section.

1544
00:55:30,795 --> 00:55:32,875
Are we good? I don't know. I don't

1545
00:55:32,875 --> 00:55:33,375
know.

1546
00:55:34,315 --> 00:55:35,994
Keep it kinky y'all. And we'll see you

1547
00:55:35,994 --> 00:55:36,815
next week.

1548
00:55:48,480 --> 00:55:49,699
Yes, baby girl.

1549
00:55:50,275 --> 00:55:52,755
Can we inundate our crickets with all some

1550
00:55:52,755 --> 00:55:54,994
of the weirdness that's happened in the past

1551
00:55:54,994 --> 00:55:55,494
week?

1552
00:55:56,195 --> 00:55:56,775
I wouldn't

1553
00:55:57,715 --> 00:56:00,114
overwhelm them with shit. But, you know You

1554
00:56:00,114 --> 00:56:01,394
know what? It's we have such a good

1555
00:56:01,394 --> 00:56:03,219
sense of humor. It feels like a lot.

1556
00:56:03,219 --> 00:56:05,775
It feels chaotic. Let's just put it that

1557
00:56:05,775 --> 00:56:08,969
way. It it's all we're fine. So let's

1558
00:56:08,969 --> 00:56:11,525
start with the top one. We should be

1559
00:56:11,525 --> 00:56:14,081
giving you a Loa update on her eye

1560
00:56:14,081 --> 00:56:16,637
surgery. Less than an hour after we finished

1561
00:56:16,637 --> 00:56:19,114
all of this last week, the the vet

1562
00:56:19,114 --> 00:56:20,094
called and went,

1563
00:56:21,034 --> 00:56:22,554
I know you're scheduled to bring Lola in

1564
00:56:22,554 --> 00:56:24,714
for surgery tomorrow, but and then it got

1565
00:56:24,714 --> 00:56:26,394
confusing. So what they told me on the

1566
00:56:26,394 --> 00:56:26,894
phone

1567
00:56:27,594 --> 00:56:30,394
was that the surgeon who was scheduled to

1568
00:56:30,394 --> 00:56:32,155
do it was not gonna be able to

1569
00:56:32,155 --> 00:56:33,295
do any surgeries

1570
00:56:33,755 --> 00:56:34,255
for

1571
00:56:34,650 --> 00:56:36,349
an unknown amount of time.

1572
00:56:36,650 --> 00:56:38,109
But the newest vet

1573
00:56:38,409 --> 00:56:38,909
at

1574
00:56:39,289 --> 00:56:40,750
the the vet's office

1575
00:56:41,210 --> 00:56:43,289
could do the surgery, but he wanted to

1576
00:56:43,289 --> 00:56:46,750
see Lola first. Mhmm. He wanted to assess

1577
00:56:47,335 --> 00:56:49,515
her eyes for himself first.

1578
00:56:49,974 --> 00:56:50,954
I respect that.

1579
00:56:51,494 --> 00:56:53,414
Yeah. And they also said that if we

1580
00:56:53,414 --> 00:56:55,175
wanted to get the surgery done quicker, we

1581
00:56:55,175 --> 00:56:56,954
needed to go with this doctor

1582
00:56:57,414 --> 00:56:59,434
because he would have openings before

1583
00:56:59,769 --> 00:57:01,690
the mystery other surgeon. I don't even know

1584
00:57:01,690 --> 00:57:02,430
who it was.

1585
00:57:02,730 --> 00:57:04,750
The mystery traveling surgeon. Yeah.

1586
00:57:05,450 --> 00:57:08,809
So we had stuff going on that day

1587
00:57:08,809 --> 00:57:10,970
that we the the next day, Thursday, they're

1588
00:57:10,970 --> 00:57:13,070
like, can we get you in tomorrow, Thursday,

1589
00:57:14,474 --> 00:57:16,155
to have her checked out? And I was

1590
00:57:16,155 --> 00:57:17,135
like, yeah. Sure.

1591
00:57:17,515 --> 00:57:18,015
But

1592
00:57:18,954 --> 00:57:20,315
we knew we had stuff that we had

1593
00:57:20,315 --> 00:57:21,835
to do, but we hadn't written it down,

1594
00:57:21,835 --> 00:57:23,195
and we didn't know what the stuff was,

1595
00:57:23,195 --> 00:57:24,394
just the time. I was like, oh, we're

1596
00:57:24,394 --> 00:57:26,555
gonna need a late afternoon appointment because we

1597
00:57:26,555 --> 00:57:28,555
have an afternoon thing. But I don't know

1598
00:57:28,555 --> 00:57:29,609
what it is, but I'm

1599
00:57:30,730 --> 00:57:32,889
Yeah. Okay. Okay. It was it was a

1600
00:57:32,889 --> 00:57:34,730
drop the car off thing. We could have

1601
00:57:34,730 --> 00:57:36,170
been at the vet at 2:30, but we

1602
00:57:36,170 --> 00:57:38,009
made the appointment for 4:30, which meant we

1603
00:57:38,009 --> 00:57:39,690
were not out of the vet's office until

1604
00:57:39,690 --> 00:57:40,190
6:15.

1605
00:57:41,449 --> 00:57:44,164
Mhmm. The vet took her through the staining

1606
00:57:44,164 --> 00:57:46,644
of her eyes again to check for ulcers

1607
00:57:46,644 --> 00:57:48,724
in the eyeball. We went through the yeah.

1608
00:57:48,724 --> 00:57:50,164
Her eye turned the wrong way at one

1609
00:57:50,164 --> 00:57:50,664
point.

1610
00:57:51,605 --> 00:57:53,045
And he's looking at her eyes, and he

1611
00:57:53,045 --> 00:57:55,599
goes, oh, yeah. She has in or whatever

1612
00:57:55,599 --> 00:57:57,280
it's called, but it's not that bad. It's

1613
00:57:57,280 --> 00:57:58,880
like it does not rise to the level

1614
00:57:58,880 --> 00:58:00,719
of must have surgery now. And I was

1615
00:58:00,719 --> 00:58:02,559
like, oh. He was like, let me check

1616
00:58:02,559 --> 00:58:04,000
her eyes. And he was like, oh, this

1617
00:58:04,000 --> 00:58:05,679
is kind of a mystery though of what's

1618
00:58:05,679 --> 00:58:08,775
aggravating this eye. And he's explaining what he

1619
00:58:08,775 --> 00:58:11,655
would think would be surgery worthy for that

1620
00:58:11,655 --> 00:58:12,394
eye condition,

1621
00:58:12,775 --> 00:58:14,775
what the previous vet had said she needed

1622
00:58:14,775 --> 00:58:16,614
surgery for. And he was like, if you

1623
00:58:16,614 --> 00:58:19,194
want the surgery, I'll do it. But I'm

1624
00:58:19,414 --> 00:58:21,335
not recommending it as a thing that has

1625
00:58:21,335 --> 00:58:22,074
to be done.

1626
00:58:23,809 --> 00:58:26,929
So, very scared Lola Lainner. They literally put

1627
00:58:26,929 --> 00:58:28,289
us in an extra room that they don't

1628
00:58:28,289 --> 00:58:30,369
usually use for exam rooms because they were

1629
00:58:30,369 --> 00:58:32,530
so backed up. Apparently, the vet had a

1630
00:58:32,530 --> 00:58:34,769
pet emergency, and they they had to help

1631
00:58:34,769 --> 00:58:36,785
that animal. And we were like, it's fine.

1632
00:58:36,785 --> 00:58:37,925
Please help the animal.

1633
00:58:38,385 --> 00:58:40,704
But this way, exam room had a couch

1634
00:58:40,704 --> 00:58:42,945
in it. So Lola was kind of in

1635
00:58:42,945 --> 00:58:45,664
heaven Mhmm. Except she literally had to be

1636
00:58:45,664 --> 00:58:46,965
dragged down the hallway.

1637
00:58:47,505 --> 00:58:49,650
She hunched down on all 4.

1638
00:58:50,289 --> 00:58:52,449
It was I looked at the other people

1639
00:58:52,449 --> 00:58:54,210
in the waiting room as we were dragging

1640
00:58:54,210 --> 00:58:55,409
her down the hallway. I'm like, no. No.

1641
00:58:55,409 --> 00:58:56,789
She's loved. I promise.

1642
00:58:57,730 --> 00:58:59,670
We're not trying to be mean to her.

1643
00:59:00,769 --> 00:59:03,605
She actually spent the whole appointment hiding

1644
00:59:04,065 --> 00:59:05,605
behind me with me

1645
00:59:06,144 --> 00:59:08,144
giving JB side eye. I think she blames

1646
00:59:08,144 --> 00:59:10,485
him for all any and all vet stuff.

1647
00:59:10,545 --> 00:59:11,985
Mhmm. Because I took her to the car.

1648
00:59:11,985 --> 00:59:13,105
I took her out of the car. I

1649
00:59:13,105 --> 00:59:14,224
brought her in to the car. Had to

1650
00:59:14,224 --> 00:59:15,824
drag her down the hallway. I yeah. I'm

1651
00:59:15,824 --> 00:59:17,184
I'm the one that did all the mean

1652
00:59:17,184 --> 00:59:19,559
things. Oh my Oh my god. So we

1653
00:59:19,559 --> 00:59:22,359
left that appointment with a, here's a new

1654
00:59:22,359 --> 00:59:24,119
eye drop you've never used on your dog

1655
00:59:24,119 --> 00:59:26,380
before. Yeah. Use it for a week.

1656
00:59:26,839 --> 00:59:27,819
See if it actually

1657
00:59:28,359 --> 00:59:30,440
clears up the hazing in her eye that

1658
00:59:30,440 --> 00:59:31,880
we have been told would be there forever.

1659
00:59:31,880 --> 00:59:33,480
They're like, no. Maybe not. And I'm like,

1660
00:59:33,480 --> 00:59:36,464
oh, oh, okay. And the number of a

1661
00:59:36,464 --> 00:59:36,964
veterinary

1662
00:59:37,505 --> 00:59:38,005
ophthalmologist.

1663
00:59:39,425 --> 00:59:40,704
I have no idea. Who would have thought?

1664
00:59:40,704 --> 00:59:42,304
And they are in town. Like, we're not

1665
00:59:42,304 --> 00:59:44,304
traveling. Yeah. We could just make the appointment.

1666
00:59:44,304 --> 00:59:45,824
So we're waiting to see what happens with

1667
00:59:45,824 --> 00:59:46,380
her eye.

1668
00:59:47,099 --> 00:59:48,940
And whether if it especially if it doesn't

1669
00:59:48,940 --> 00:59:50,699
improve at all, because it's a mystery. What

1670
00:59:50,699 --> 00:59:52,460
is happening to her eye Right. If it's

1671
00:59:52,460 --> 00:59:55,179
not the eyelash thing that the Mhmm. First

1672
00:59:55,179 --> 00:59:56,319
vet told us about?

1673
00:59:56,699 --> 00:59:59,739
So we're in a holding pattern. Mhmm. Yep.

1674
00:59:59,739 --> 01:00:01,005
Okay. So that's one thing.

1675
01:00:04,525 --> 01:00:05,964
The other bigger thing, there's been a lot

1676
01:00:05,964 --> 01:00:08,204
of, like, small chaotic things. Like, I have

1677
01:00:08,204 --> 01:00:09,884
had to make way too many phone calls

1678
01:00:09,884 --> 01:00:11,664
in the past, like, 3 or 4 days

1679
01:00:11,884 --> 01:00:13,984
and set way too many appointments

1680
01:00:14,449 --> 01:00:16,769
that I well, her unplanned, and I'm having

1681
01:00:16,769 --> 01:00:17,989
to, like

1682
01:00:18,369 --> 01:00:20,069
like, configure them into our life.

1683
01:00:21,329 --> 01:00:23,730
The big one. So that afternoon appointment that

1684
01:00:23,730 --> 01:00:25,829
we could not remember on that Thursday

1685
01:00:26,529 --> 01:00:27,429
was to drop

1686
01:00:29,715 --> 01:00:32,375
JB's vehicle, our Toyota RAV 2009,

1687
01:00:33,235 --> 01:00:34,375
off at the,

1688
01:00:34,914 --> 01:00:37,315
repair shop that we trust because it's been

1689
01:00:37,315 --> 01:00:39,635
making a funky noise and it wasn't shifting

1690
01:00:39,635 --> 01:00:41,815
properly. And we're like, uh-oh, transmission problem.

1691
01:00:42,329 --> 01:00:43,769
Do you wanna do you wanna tell them

1692
01:00:43,769 --> 01:00:46,190
how that ended up? Yeah. Oh, god.

1693
01:00:46,570 --> 01:00:49,130
So, yeah, dropped the car off and, you

1694
01:00:49,130 --> 01:00:50,670
know, let them do their thing.

1695
01:00:52,410 --> 01:00:54,090
And, they did not get to it that

1696
01:00:54,090 --> 01:00:55,710
day we dropped it off. Right.

1697
01:00:57,215 --> 01:00:58,914
It wasn't until the next day.

1698
01:01:06,414 --> 01:01:08,735
And we're out working in the garage, Templin

1699
01:01:08,735 --> 01:01:11,054
and Wood, and and my phone starts going

1700
01:01:11,054 --> 01:01:11,554
off.

1701
01:01:12,335 --> 01:01:12,494
And,

1702
01:01:13,349 --> 01:01:15,210
they had sent me a text message.

1703
01:01:16,150 --> 01:01:18,070
Check your email. No. Or here's a link.

1704
01:01:18,070 --> 01:01:19,670
Here here's a link. Here's a link. Yeah.

1705
01:01:19,670 --> 01:01:21,269
Yeah. And and, you know, it'll show you

1706
01:01:21,269 --> 01:01:23,829
what what what's what. The estimates for what

1707
01:01:23,829 --> 01:01:25,989
they think you should be there. For what's

1708
01:01:25,989 --> 01:01:27,930
going on with the car, what they found.

1709
01:01:29,214 --> 01:01:31,795
So I clicked the link and I looked,

1710
01:01:31,855 --> 01:01:33,315
the first one is like,

1711
01:01:34,014 --> 01:01:35,654
oh my gosh. It was like $1100

1712
01:01:36,094 --> 01:01:36,755
Yeah. Fair.

1713
01:01:37,054 --> 01:01:39,635
Salt estimates. Right? Yeah. And I was like,

1714
01:01:39,775 --> 01:01:40,514
well, okay.

1715
01:01:41,214 --> 01:01:42,275
But then I realized.

1716
01:01:42,949 --> 01:01:44,329
Keep scrolling. Keep scrolling

1717
01:01:44,789 --> 01:01:45,769
and keep scrolling

1718
01:01:46,789 --> 01:01:48,329
and scrolling a little more.

1719
01:01:48,630 --> 01:01:50,549
And none of what they were showing us

1720
01:01:50,549 --> 01:01:53,109
as here's estimates for what needs to probably

1721
01:01:53,109 --> 01:01:54,869
be done had anything to do with our

1722
01:01:54,869 --> 01:01:56,789
transmission. They actually said, you'll probably need to

1723
01:01:56,789 --> 01:01:58,815
go to a transmission place and have them

1724
01:01:58,815 --> 01:02:00,355
look at that. We don't do transmissions

1725
01:02:01,135 --> 01:02:03,795
here. Yeah. Not with what we needed, potentially.

1726
01:02:04,014 --> 01:02:05,695
So what it came what it ended up

1727
01:02:05,695 --> 01:02:07,454
coming down to, and and I knew this

1728
01:02:07,454 --> 01:02:08,434
day was coming.

1729
01:02:10,815 --> 01:02:13,289
The repairs for the rev are way more

1730
01:02:13,289 --> 01:02:16,329
than it is worth. Right. I mean, even

1731
01:02:16,329 --> 01:02:18,430
if we put that money in,

1732
01:02:18,809 --> 01:02:19,550
we would

1733
01:02:19,849 --> 01:02:22,329
maybe be able to sell it for that

1734
01:02:22,329 --> 01:02:23,550
much, like, on the private,

1735
01:02:23,930 --> 01:02:26,510
like, market or whatever. And we were like,

1736
01:02:26,534 --> 01:02:28,694
I don't I don't wanna put that much

1737
01:02:28,694 --> 01:02:29,755
money in. No.

1738
01:02:30,534 --> 01:02:31,034
No.

1739
01:02:32,454 --> 01:02:35,255
Rather put that money somewhere else. Right. Which,

1740
01:02:35,574 --> 01:02:37,094
looks like we need to because Yeah. We

1741
01:02:37,094 --> 01:02:38,635
have another car saga. So

1742
01:02:39,255 --> 01:02:42,539
currently, the RAV is a giant paperweight in

1743
01:02:42,539 --> 01:02:44,460
our driveway. It's we could turn it on

1744
01:02:44,460 --> 01:02:45,819
and drive it if we had to in

1745
01:02:45,819 --> 01:02:46,400
an apocalyptic,

1746
01:02:46,699 --> 01:02:47,359
you know,

1747
01:02:47,739 --> 01:02:48,239
emergency,

1748
01:02:48,619 --> 01:02:49,119
but

1749
01:02:49,500 --> 01:02:51,980
nobody's go putting that on the highway. No.

1750
01:02:51,980 --> 01:02:53,900
Not with what now not with all that

1751
01:02:53,900 --> 01:02:56,095
we know that's wrong with it, not including

1752
01:02:56,095 --> 01:02:58,335
the transmission. Right. So, like, how did the

1753
01:02:58,335 --> 01:02:59,875
wheels not just fall off

1754
01:03:00,815 --> 01:03:02,914
when we were doing 70 down the highway?

1755
01:03:02,974 --> 01:03:06,275
Yeah. So glad it didn't. Mhmm. So, weirdly,

1756
01:03:06,575 --> 01:03:08,940
this is how I know, like, something something

1757
01:03:08,940 --> 01:03:10,940
is different in our life and in our

1758
01:03:10,940 --> 01:03:13,980
relationship and in our vibe because we got

1759
01:03:13,980 --> 01:03:15,519
that. And I've got my

1760
01:03:15,900 --> 01:03:17,900
phone calculator up. I'm like, throw the numbers

1761
01:03:17,900 --> 01:03:19,359
at me. Let me do the math. Right?

1762
01:03:20,059 --> 01:03:22,300
And we just look at one another and

1763
01:03:22,300 --> 01:03:22,514
went,

1764
01:03:23,394 --> 01:03:25,714
well, I guess that vehicle's done. How how

1765
01:03:25,714 --> 01:03:27,154
do we wanna get rid of it? Scrap

1766
01:03:27,154 --> 01:03:28,994
yard? But, like, I don't wanna sell it

1767
01:03:28,994 --> 01:03:30,755
privately because I we would be honest to

1768
01:03:30,755 --> 01:03:31,875
go, you need to get a lot of

1769
01:03:31,875 --> 01:03:33,014
work done on this.

1770
01:03:33,474 --> 01:03:35,154
But I wouldn't sell it any other way

1771
01:03:35,154 --> 01:03:37,074
if I did. Right. Right. I couldn't. You

1772
01:03:37,074 --> 01:03:38,054
know, in your conscience.

1773
01:03:38,889 --> 01:03:40,250
But so now we haven't figured out what

1774
01:03:40,250 --> 01:03:42,010
we're doing about that. But we just we

1775
01:03:42,010 --> 01:03:44,010
just rolled with it. Yeah. We did. That

1776
01:03:44,010 --> 01:03:46,409
was the strangest part quite frankly. Nobody freaked

1777
01:03:46,409 --> 01:03:48,170
out. Nobody paid checks. And and we we

1778
01:03:48,170 --> 01:03:49,789
came up with several options.

1779
01:03:50,090 --> 01:03:50,590
Mhmm.

1780
01:03:51,449 --> 01:03:51,949
And

1781
01:03:53,045 --> 01:03:54,965
we have to hold on those options for

1782
01:03:54,965 --> 01:03:56,644
the moment because we have had to request

1783
01:03:56,644 --> 01:03:58,184
some paperwork from the state.

1784
01:03:58,485 --> 01:04:01,364
Yeah. Your his title's electronic, and we just

1785
01:04:01,364 --> 01:04:03,045
paid 4 and a half dollars to Florida

1786
01:04:03,045 --> 01:04:05,285
to get the paper. Yeah. Gotta love it.

1787
01:04:05,285 --> 01:04:09,119
Convenience fees. Mhmm. Mhmm. So that's on hold.

1788
01:04:09,119 --> 01:04:11,280
It's giant paperweight. Yeah. So we're like, okay.

1789
01:04:11,280 --> 01:04:14,000
My Corolla 2012. Y'all, our cars are fucking

1790
01:04:14,000 --> 01:04:15,440
paid for, and we're gonna go as long

1791
01:04:15,440 --> 01:04:16,900
as we can without a car note.

1792
01:04:17,280 --> 01:04:19,059
So we have old cars. So

1793
01:04:19,844 --> 01:04:22,565
I got a 2012 Corolla brand new the

1794
01:04:22,565 --> 01:04:25,125
last year that the, like, touchscreen, blah de

1795
01:04:25,125 --> 01:04:26,585
blah stuff was not

1796
01:04:27,284 --> 01:04:29,764
automatically standard. Standard option. Yeah. So I got

1797
01:04:29,764 --> 01:04:31,844
the bare metal one. Look. I got power

1798
01:04:31,844 --> 01:04:33,284
windows and locks. I don't have to do

1799
01:04:33,284 --> 01:04:35,559
the roll thing. So Yeah.

1800
01:04:35,860 --> 01:04:38,340
Anyway, so I'm like, okay. The Corolla has

1801
01:04:38,340 --> 01:04:39,480
been in better shape.

1802
01:04:39,860 --> 01:04:41,860
It's not our ideal vehicle. It's gonna be

1803
01:04:41,860 --> 01:04:44,440
real hard to haul wood from the sawmill

1804
01:04:44,739 --> 01:04:45,960
in the Corolla.

1805
01:04:46,420 --> 01:04:47,714
If you don't know what a Corolla looks

1806
01:04:47,714 --> 01:04:49,654
like, Google it. It's a little car.

1807
01:04:50,034 --> 01:04:51,795
We now have small car privilege at the

1808
01:04:51,795 --> 01:04:53,635
parking lot, and we're zippy. I can get

1809
01:04:53,635 --> 01:04:55,074
in and out of traffic. We're not all

1810
01:04:55,074 --> 01:04:56,534
gonna wait. We're driving around.

1811
01:04:57,154 --> 01:05:00,375
However, not great for hauling wood. 8

1812
01:05:00,840 --> 01:05:03,239
foot planks of wood. 10 foot planks of

1813
01:05:03,239 --> 01:05:05,420
wood. Anyway, we'll figure it out.

1814
01:05:06,039 --> 01:05:07,260
So I'm like, okay.

1815
01:05:07,720 --> 01:05:09,320
We really need to get my car in

1816
01:05:09,320 --> 01:05:10,680
to see what's going on with it because

1817
01:05:10,680 --> 01:05:13,014
if this is our main car Yeah. Because

1818
01:05:13,014 --> 01:05:14,534
one of them has to get fixed because

1819
01:05:14,534 --> 01:05:15,894
this is now the car we have to

1820
01:05:15,894 --> 01:05:18,394
use for everything until we do something fabulous.

1821
01:05:19,414 --> 01:05:21,114
So I get my car in,

1822
01:05:22,534 --> 01:05:24,054
and it's nowhere near as bad as the

1823
01:05:24,054 --> 01:05:25,815
RAV. It does need work. Some of it

1824
01:05:25,815 --> 01:05:28,130
is more do it now before it gets

1825
01:05:28,130 --> 01:05:29,730
back. It becomes a bigger problem now. Is

1826
01:05:29,730 --> 01:05:31,110
more expensive. Yep.

1827
01:05:32,289 --> 01:05:33,030
That is

1828
01:05:33,570 --> 01:05:34,869
a much more manageable

1829
01:05:35,170 --> 01:05:36,230
dollar amount.

1830
01:05:36,930 --> 01:05:39,329
And had the RAF needed that kind of

1831
01:05:39,329 --> 01:05:40,663
work, it It would it would have been

1832
01:05:40,769 --> 01:05:42,224
it'd be in shop now. It would be

1833
01:05:42,224 --> 01:05:43,824
done. It would it would be done back

1834
01:05:43,824 --> 01:05:44,324
home.

1835
01:05:44,944 --> 01:05:47,664
Yeah. But yeah. You know? So it you

1836
01:05:47,664 --> 01:05:49,444
know, we're we're yeah. We're

1837
01:05:50,224 --> 01:05:52,385
we're just doing it. Yep. And,

1838
01:05:53,025 --> 01:05:54,724
you know? Yeah. We're just

1839
01:05:57,440 --> 01:06:00,019
So, yeah, that's the car saga. Yeah.

1840
01:06:00,800 --> 01:06:02,159
And then, again, like I said, it's been

1841
01:06:02,159 --> 01:06:04,900
small things that just make things feel chaotic.

1842
01:06:05,039 --> 01:06:06,019
Like, we had,

1843
01:06:07,119 --> 01:06:10,179
the appliance repair company out today

1844
01:06:10,639 --> 01:06:11,885
to look at our stovetop.

1845
01:06:13,465 --> 01:06:15,304
Way too long ago, at a time we

1846
01:06:15,304 --> 01:06:17,005
could not have afforded to call anybody,

1847
01:06:17,465 --> 01:06:20,585
the front burner of our electric stove stopped

1848
01:06:20,585 --> 01:06:21,085
working.

1849
01:06:21,385 --> 01:06:23,385
One of the big burners. Like your like,

1850
01:06:23,385 --> 01:06:25,760
one of like my personal favorite fucking burner.

1851
01:06:25,760 --> 01:06:27,699
This is the burner I liked to use,

1852
01:06:27,840 --> 01:06:30,320
and I've had to adjust and adapt how

1853
01:06:30,320 --> 01:06:31,539
I cook on the stovetop.

1854
01:06:31,840 --> 01:06:32,340
Also,

1855
01:06:32,880 --> 01:06:33,860
you don't think

1856
01:06:34,559 --> 01:06:37,199
that you really need 4 burners until you

1857
01:06:37,199 --> 01:06:38,625
got a lot of pots on the fucking

1858
01:06:38,704 --> 01:06:41,125
stove. We now cook things in stages

1859
01:06:41,664 --> 01:06:42,804
to, like Yeah.

1860
01:06:43,184 --> 01:06:44,965
Because the way our stove is up. Anyway,

1861
01:06:45,025 --> 01:06:46,224
so we knew it was gonna be a

1862
01:06:46,224 --> 01:06:47,985
few $100. We we were prepared for that.

1863
01:06:47,985 --> 01:06:50,565
So we called them in this time, and

1864
01:06:50,930 --> 01:06:54,150
he's like, oh, yeah. It's the quote is

1865
01:06:54,450 --> 01:06:56,450
3.99. He was like, but if you wanted

1866
01:06:56,450 --> 01:06:57,970
to buy a new stove, it's like 6

1867
01:06:57,970 --> 01:06:59,809
or $700. I'm like, yeah. Yeah. We're gonna

1868
01:06:59,809 --> 01:07:01,190
pay to fucking fix it.

1869
01:07:01,650 --> 01:07:02,309
That's cheaper.

1870
01:07:02,690 --> 01:07:04,950
That's cheaper. Please just fix my stove.

1871
01:07:06,585 --> 01:07:07,945
But I was like, there's a stranger in

1872
01:07:07,945 --> 01:07:09,784
my house at 9 o'clock in the morning.

1873
01:07:09,784 --> 01:07:11,465
I don't think I can handle this. My

1874
01:07:11,465 --> 01:07:13,545
whole day has been upended. This is not

1875
01:07:13,545 --> 01:07:15,704
the routine. I was I'm the one that

1876
01:07:15,704 --> 01:07:17,465
made the fucking appointment. You wanna know why

1877
01:07:17,465 --> 01:07:19,144
we use this company? 1, they fixed our

1878
01:07:19,144 --> 01:07:19,940
dish washer,

1879
01:07:20,239 --> 01:07:22,099
and they did a good job. And 2,

1880
01:07:22,480 --> 01:07:24,480
they do part of the process of scheduling

1881
01:07:24,480 --> 01:07:27,119
you by text. Like, I fucking love you

1882
01:07:27,119 --> 01:07:27,619
people.

1883
01:07:28,960 --> 01:07:31,280
And now we're, like, a customer in their

1884
01:07:31,280 --> 01:07:33,599
system, so our card's on file. They're they

1885
01:07:33,599 --> 01:07:35,954
just call to confirm shit now. They're like,

1886
01:07:35,954 --> 01:07:37,154
oh, can we use the card on file?

1887
01:07:37,154 --> 01:07:39,315
Oh, we'll email it to the the email

1888
01:07:39,554 --> 01:07:41,315
yes. To all of that. Don't even talk

1889
01:07:41,315 --> 01:07:42,775
to me. Just do the thing

1890
01:07:43,234 --> 01:07:43,974
all electronically.

1891
01:07:44,434 --> 01:07:46,054
We're good. We're good.

1892
01:07:46,514 --> 01:07:48,755
Oh, no. The new chaotic thing is we're

1893
01:07:48,755 --> 01:07:51,679
finally dealing with the well, we're going to

1894
01:07:51,679 --> 01:07:52,819
be dealing with the floors,

1895
01:07:53,119 --> 01:07:54,880
and we think we have it figured out

1896
01:07:54,880 --> 01:07:57,519
from our mortgage company who oh, after I

1897
01:07:57,519 --> 01:07:59,039
was bitching about that last week because it

1898
01:07:59,039 --> 01:07:59,859
was all complicated,

1899
01:08:00,480 --> 01:08:01,299
plot twist.

1900
01:08:02,175 --> 01:08:04,335
They called or yeah. They called you, didn't

1901
01:08:04,335 --> 01:08:05,695
they? Or did you call you called them?

1902
01:08:05,695 --> 01:08:07,535
I don't know. Somebody called. Yeah. He was

1903
01:08:07,535 --> 01:08:10,114
on the phone. It wasn't me. Thank God.

1904
01:08:10,894 --> 01:08:13,454
But they're like, oh, no. We have been

1905
01:08:13,454 --> 01:08:15,989
talking to the insurance company in between us.

1906
01:08:16,470 --> 01:08:18,390
They sent this and we saw that and

1907
01:08:18,390 --> 01:08:20,010
here's what you do now.

1908
01:08:20,470 --> 01:08:23,750
Yeah. So this afternoon, after we finish the

1909
01:08:23,750 --> 01:08:25,590
stream, we have an appointment at the bank

1910
01:08:25,590 --> 01:08:27,930
to get this important form notarized.

1911
01:08:28,625 --> 01:08:29,925
We then have to also

1912
01:08:30,385 --> 01:08:32,225
send that with the the one step from

1913
01:08:32,225 --> 01:08:34,305
last week, mail the check. The physical check.

1914
01:08:34,305 --> 01:08:35,505
Yeah. We have to do that. But I

1915
01:08:35,505 --> 01:08:37,045
was like, we're sending that priority,

1916
01:08:37,425 --> 01:08:39,104
because I need a tracking number on this

1917
01:08:39,104 --> 01:08:42,145
fucker, because that's a big ass check. Like,

1918
01:08:42,145 --> 01:08:44,809
it's more money than I usually have. Have.

1919
01:08:44,809 --> 01:08:45,309
So

1920
01:08:46,329 --> 01:08:47,069
it looks

1921
01:08:47,929 --> 01:08:50,729
like the bank is going to endorse the

1922
01:08:50,889 --> 01:08:52,649
not the bank. Morris County is gonna endorse

1923
01:08:52,649 --> 01:08:53,309
the check

1924
01:08:53,769 --> 01:08:55,210
on their part, and then they're just gonna

1925
01:08:55,210 --> 01:08:56,489
send us the money back. None of this

1926
01:08:56,489 --> 01:08:59,175
20 5% and that, and inspector in the

1927
01:08:59,175 --> 01:09:00,935
middle of the job. They just we have

1928
01:09:00,935 --> 01:09:02,854
to agree to let somebody come inspect the

1929
01:09:02,854 --> 01:09:04,154
work after

1930
01:09:04,694 --> 01:09:06,454
Yeah. It's done. I don't give a fuck.

1931
01:09:06,454 --> 01:09:08,135
Give me the cash. Let me get a

1932
01:09:08,135 --> 01:09:09,274
floor that is not

1933
01:09:09,789 --> 01:09:11,810
rotting away Yeah. Under our feet.

1934
01:09:12,270 --> 01:09:14,430
So now the next thing will be in

1935
01:09:14,430 --> 01:09:15,729
the next couple of weeks.

1936
01:09:16,510 --> 01:09:18,270
Sometime this will be JB. I did the

1937
01:09:18,270 --> 01:09:20,750
research part, and I sent him the info.

1938
01:09:20,750 --> 01:09:22,030
And I saw I haven't even looked at

1939
01:09:22,030 --> 01:09:24,494
the email yet. It's fine. Is, oh, let's

1940
01:09:24,494 --> 01:09:27,215
start getting estimates on the floors in the

1941
01:09:27,215 --> 01:09:27,715
kitchen.

1942
01:09:28,414 --> 01:09:29,074
Yeah. Yeah.

1943
01:09:30,255 --> 01:09:31,774
So So there's just a lot of noise.

1944
01:09:31,774 --> 01:09:34,255
That's that's coming up. That that's moving forward.

1945
01:09:34,255 --> 01:09:37,300
Yeah. That's moving forward. Just, you know, all

1946
01:09:37,300 --> 01:09:39,460
the usual fun. But it's it's all good.

1947
01:09:39,460 --> 01:09:40,420
We're we're we're

1948
01:09:41,460 --> 01:09:43,859
Yeah. That's, that has been the thing that

1949
01:09:43,859 --> 01:09:44,600
has been

1950
01:09:45,779 --> 01:09:48,520
so nice, but so weird to me. Mhmm.

1951
01:09:48,979 --> 01:09:49,479
We're

1952
01:09:50,095 --> 01:09:52,135
just taking it in stride. Like, we're not

1953
01:09:52,135 --> 01:09:53,295
at the end of the day going, what

1954
01:09:53,295 --> 01:09:55,295
the fuck is we're just like, okay. Yeah.

1955
01:09:55,295 --> 01:09:56,494
Okay. What do we need to do next?

1956
01:09:56,494 --> 01:09:57,935
Let me make a note of that. We

1957
01:09:57,935 --> 01:09:59,875
put it on the calendar. Mhmm.

1958
01:10:01,135 --> 01:10:02,814
I mean, we were at the bank yesterday

1959
01:10:02,814 --> 01:10:04,800
and I took the lead on that. Poor

1960
01:10:04,800 --> 01:10:06,479
JB was like, I know how this normally

1961
01:10:06,479 --> 01:10:07,760
works, but I don't see the person. I'm

1962
01:10:07,760 --> 01:10:09,039
like, you come back here. You stand with

1963
01:10:09,039 --> 01:10:10,880
me. We wait in line. We get up

1964
01:10:10,880 --> 01:10:12,800
to the counter. I recognize the check. So

1965
01:10:12,800 --> 01:10:13,920
I was like, oh, I can talk to

1966
01:10:13,920 --> 01:10:15,140
you. You're not a stranger.

1967
01:10:15,680 --> 01:10:16,960
And I'm like, here's what we need, and

1968
01:10:16,960 --> 01:10:17,939
here's what we got.

1969
01:10:20,234 --> 01:10:21,914
I don't know. I don't know. It feels

1970
01:10:21,994 --> 01:10:24,494
if it I don't want the chaos. I'm

1971
01:10:24,715 --> 01:10:26,554
ready for it to just be fucking calm

1972
01:10:26,554 --> 01:10:27,935
around here. But

1973
01:10:29,914 --> 01:10:31,755
it's like we got those 2 weeks off,

1974
01:10:31,755 --> 01:10:32,489
and it was restful

1975
01:10:33,369 --> 01:10:35,869
Yeah. And it was preparing us for January

1976
01:10:35,930 --> 01:10:36,430
apparently.

1977
01:10:38,090 --> 01:10:39,770
But it's yeah. It's just all kind of

1978
01:10:39,770 --> 01:10:40,270
rolling

1979
01:10:40,810 --> 01:10:42,730
off our back. Truly, the one that shocked

1980
01:10:42,730 --> 01:10:44,730
me was the Rav going, okay. Rav is

1981
01:10:44,730 --> 01:10:46,170
dead now. What do you mean it's not

1982
01:10:46,170 --> 01:10:47,789
the end of the year? It's still January?

1983
01:10:47,930 --> 01:10:49,414
What? I know.

1984
01:10:49,875 --> 01:10:51,795
I know. Yeah. The past 2 weeks have

1985
01:10:51,795 --> 01:10:53,255
been the longest year ever.

1986
01:10:54,515 --> 01:10:57,395
And look, I say all that without even

1987
01:10:57,395 --> 01:10:59,975
having looked at the news properly. Yeah.

1988
01:11:00,755 --> 01:11:02,994
Well, you know, it's funny when, you know,

1989
01:11:02,994 --> 01:11:04,260
talking about the Rav,

1990
01:11:04,659 --> 01:11:06,599
the, at at the end of the day

1991
01:11:07,300 --> 01:11:08,039
that day,

1992
01:11:08,500 --> 01:11:10,760
she Kayla looked at me and she's like,

1993
01:11:10,819 --> 01:11:13,719
you didn't lose your shit. I'm so impressed.

1994
01:11:14,579 --> 01:11:17,460
Because, look, he he tolerates the Corolla, but

1995
01:11:17,460 --> 01:11:19,364
he don't like the Corolla. Y'all, it's real

1996
01:11:19,364 --> 01:11:21,465
close to the ground. He's got back problems.

1997
01:11:22,244 --> 01:11:23,944
He actually lets me drive

1998
01:11:24,405 --> 01:11:27,045
the Corolla more than anything because it's so

1999
01:11:27,045 --> 01:11:29,284
uncomfortable for him to have to get in.

2000
01:11:29,284 --> 01:11:30,564
I'm like, I just don't know how long

2001
01:11:30,564 --> 01:11:32,637
this is gonna last. We're gonna have to

2002
01:11:32,637 --> 01:11:35,205
figure out a solution. But yeah. Then texting

2003
01:11:35,205 --> 01:11:37,260
the 19 year old to go, hey. Yeah.

2004
01:11:37,260 --> 01:11:39,314
You know how you've been begging for the

2005
01:11:39,314 --> 01:11:41,368
Corolla? And we have said, if we could

2006
01:11:41,368 --> 01:11:43,936
ever figure it out, we would Mhmm. Put

2007
01:11:43,936 --> 01:11:46,054
him on the title for the Corolla. That

2008
01:11:46,135 --> 01:11:48,935
I said, that's not happening. I said and

2009
01:11:48,935 --> 01:11:50,614
I don't call him JB to the boys.

2010
01:11:50,614 --> 01:11:53,175
But, basically, I was like, JB said, we're

2011
01:11:53,175 --> 01:11:54,854
not driving on the highway in the Kroll

2012
01:11:54,854 --> 01:11:56,454
until we get the stuff fixed. And there's

2013
01:11:56,454 --> 01:11:57,814
some stuff we gotta get fixed. We know

2014
01:11:57,814 --> 01:11:59,734
we do. And that's and that's fine. I'm

2015
01:11:59,734 --> 01:12:01,310
happy to get it fixed. I want I

2016
01:12:01,310 --> 01:12:02,609
want us to maintain a

2017
01:12:03,149 --> 01:12:04,529
car and, you know, whatever.

2018
01:12:05,470 --> 01:12:08,210
But, yeah, it was just it's just

2019
01:12:09,470 --> 01:12:11,710
is Lola getting eye surgery? We don't know.

2020
01:12:11,710 --> 01:12:12,930
Mhmm. No. We don't.

2021
01:12:13,789 --> 01:12:15,704
Will we get anything of value

2022
01:12:16,244 --> 01:12:18,244
monetarily out of the RAF? We don't know.

2023
01:12:18,244 --> 01:12:20,564
Yeah. I mean, as far as Lola goes,

2024
01:12:20,805 --> 01:12:22,805
been you've been doing the drops twice a

2025
01:12:22,805 --> 01:12:23,305
day.

2026
01:12:23,844 --> 01:12:25,765
She she has gotten to the point she

2027
01:12:25,765 --> 01:12:27,779
has had eye drops now so much she

2028
01:12:27,939 --> 01:12:30,340
tolerates it. She still don't like it. She

2029
01:12:30,340 --> 01:12:32,260
doesn't like it, but she tolerates it at

2030
01:12:32,260 --> 01:12:34,260
this point. Still don't like it. Yeah. To

2031
01:12:34,260 --> 01:12:36,279
me, it does not look like the hazing

2032
01:12:36,979 --> 01:12:39,539
is is It cleared up just this teensy

2033
01:12:39,539 --> 01:12:41,444
tinesy and that's been And that and that's

2034
01:12:41,444 --> 01:12:43,304
been it and and it stopped clearing.

2035
01:12:43,925 --> 01:12:46,645
But what I have noticed, for a while

2036
01:12:46,645 --> 01:12:48,824
there, she was consistently, like, rubbing

2037
01:12:49,364 --> 01:12:51,385
her eye, and she's not been doing that

2038
01:12:51,524 --> 01:12:54,180
anymore. Hopefully, it's more comfortable than it was.

2039
01:12:54,260 --> 01:12:56,340
Yeah. But, you know yeah. We're we're gonna

2040
01:12:56,340 --> 01:12:58,520
have to see about the ophthalmologist,

2041
01:12:58,820 --> 01:13:00,579
I think, for her to see what's going

2042
01:13:00,579 --> 01:13:02,739
on. Yeah. But you did find something that

2043
01:13:02,739 --> 01:13:03,060
that,

2044
01:13:03,699 --> 01:13:04,920
pity breeds are

2045
01:13:06,445 --> 01:13:09,005
They're more susceptible to ulcers and a core

2046
01:13:09,244 --> 01:13:12,045
corneal something something, and it's ulcers that get

2047
01:13:12,045 --> 01:13:14,284
in there. Yeah. They're kind of unexpected found

2048
01:13:14,284 --> 01:13:16,125
it on the I went to the found

2049
01:13:16,125 --> 01:13:17,345
the website for this,

2050
01:13:17,965 --> 01:13:18,465
ophthalmologist,

2051
01:13:19,570 --> 01:13:20,930
that we'll probably be taking her to, and

2052
01:13:20,930 --> 01:13:22,449
they had a whole section on their site

2053
01:13:22,449 --> 01:13:24,689
about, you know, common eye problems like 4

2054
01:13:24,689 --> 01:13:26,530
dogs. And Mhmm. I went down to the

2055
01:13:26,530 --> 01:13:28,449
one that sounded the most like what she's

2056
01:13:28,449 --> 01:13:30,130
going through, and then there it says, very

2057
01:13:30,130 --> 01:13:31,970
common among pit bull types. I'm like, oh,

2058
01:13:31,970 --> 01:13:34,289
okay. Yeah. Okay. She's normal then. It's fine.

2059
01:13:34,289 --> 01:13:35,645
Oh, fine. It's right up there with her

2060
01:13:35,645 --> 01:13:38,525
allergies. But, you know, and, you know, let

2061
01:13:38,604 --> 01:13:41,025
let's let's get beyond all this fun news.

2062
01:13:42,604 --> 01:13:44,204
You know, on the other side of things,

2063
01:13:44,204 --> 01:13:45,485
you know, one of one of the things

2064
01:13:45,485 --> 01:13:47,485
that we we are doing and and it's

2065
01:13:47,485 --> 01:13:50,180
been, you know, kinda like, you know, talked

2066
01:13:50,180 --> 01:13:52,680
about that we we cut back an hour,

2067
01:13:52,979 --> 01:13:54,680
you know, on the on the hangout.

2068
01:13:55,380 --> 01:13:55,619
But,

2069
01:13:59,779 --> 01:14:01,960
we have been going out. You know, we've

2070
01:14:02,235 --> 01:14:05,534
started we've we've been thrifting. Mhmm. You know,

2071
01:14:06,074 --> 01:14:08,235
antiquing, going to some, you know, thrift stores

2072
01:14:08,235 --> 01:14:09,375
and antique shops

2073
01:14:09,755 --> 01:14:10,574
around here.

2074
01:14:11,435 --> 01:14:12,255
Last weekend,

2075
01:14:13,034 --> 01:14:13,755
we went

2076
01:14:15,020 --> 01:14:17,059
they have a a monthly market or weekly

2077
01:14:17,260 --> 01:14:19,739
Weekly market. And it's grown since we've moved

2078
01:14:19,739 --> 01:14:21,920
to town through the past weekend. Considerably.

2079
01:14:22,859 --> 01:14:24,939
Yeah. They have a a weekly market. We

2080
01:14:24,939 --> 01:14:27,340
we went to the market. Mhmm. I only

2081
01:14:27,340 --> 01:14:29,100
kind of panicked in the spot where the

2082
01:14:29,100 --> 01:14:31,734
most people congregate. And, basically, JB took my

2083
01:14:31,734 --> 01:14:33,655
hand, tucked it into his arm, pulled me

2084
01:14:33,655 --> 01:14:34,774
close. I'm like, come on. And I was

2085
01:14:34,774 --> 01:14:35,515
like, okay.

2086
01:14:36,135 --> 01:14:37,835
I can shut my brain on.

2087
01:14:38,694 --> 01:14:40,614
He won't make me talk to anybody. And

2088
01:14:40,614 --> 01:14:41,975
then you know what happened when he got

2089
01:14:41,975 --> 01:14:44,729
me out to the side where it's that's

2090
01:14:44,729 --> 01:14:46,569
the expansion of this market and there's fewer

2091
01:14:46,569 --> 01:14:49,210
people out there, I held conversations with strangers

2092
01:14:49,210 --> 01:14:50,409
and gave them my money. So

2093
01:14:51,770 --> 01:14:53,069
That's fine.

2094
01:14:53,689 --> 01:14:55,789
And, there was there was one

2095
01:14:57,744 --> 01:14:59,585
place there. They had, like, 2 they had

2096
01:14:59,585 --> 01:15:01,185
2 spots, and they had all kinds of

2097
01:15:01,185 --> 01:15:03,265
wood stuff in there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

2098
01:15:03,265 --> 01:15:05,604
Yeah. And, And you made a friend. Mhmm.

2099
01:15:06,065 --> 01:15:07,985
And, I I poked my head in there

2100
01:15:07,985 --> 01:15:09,045
and started talking.

2101
01:15:09,899 --> 01:15:12,539
And, last night, I end found out that

2102
01:15:12,539 --> 01:15:14,640
there is a, woodworking club

2103
01:15:15,819 --> 01:15:16,640
here in town

2104
01:15:17,020 --> 01:15:19,179
and, attended a meeting last night. And I'll

2105
01:15:19,179 --> 01:15:22,444
probably become a member. Yeah. So, yay. Mhmm.

2106
01:15:22,505 --> 01:15:24,824
Mhmm. And here was the cool thing because

2107
01:15:24,824 --> 01:15:27,465
both on the the munch side, we've you've

2108
01:15:27,465 --> 01:15:29,304
experienced this. We've experienced it. And then I

2109
01:15:29,304 --> 01:15:31,324
think even on your woodworking side,

2110
01:15:32,024 --> 01:15:33,625
there you know, sometimes you'll go into a

2111
01:15:33,625 --> 01:15:35,625
group and it's like nobody cares that you're

2112
01:15:35,625 --> 01:15:36,824
brand new and they just kinda look at

2113
01:15:36,824 --> 01:15:38,479
you like, who are you? He comes home

2114
01:15:38,479 --> 01:15:39,600
and he tells me. He's like, yeah. I

2115
01:15:39,600 --> 01:15:41,439
walk in. It's a very small crowd. Well,

2116
01:15:41,439 --> 01:15:43,039
he goes, remember the dude we saw at

2117
01:15:43,039 --> 01:15:44,560
the market? I'm like, yeah. Frank, I think,

2118
01:15:44,560 --> 01:15:45,760
is famous. He's like, he came up and

2119
01:15:45,760 --> 01:15:47,520
talked to me immediately. Saw me walk in.

2120
01:15:47,520 --> 01:15:48,880
Come straight over to me. And I'm like,

2121
01:15:48,880 --> 01:15:50,739
that's how it's supposed to fucking be.

2122
01:15:51,039 --> 01:15:52,719
I actually was feeling bad because we go

2123
01:15:52,719 --> 01:15:54,344
up to his JB is like, before we

2124
01:15:54,344 --> 01:15:56,585
go, I wanna at the market. I wanna

2125
01:15:56,585 --> 01:15:58,024
go look at the stall. That's all this

2126
01:15:58,024 --> 01:15:59,625
wood stuff. And I'm like, okay. Cool. And

2127
01:15:59,625 --> 01:16:01,385
he's looking. He's keeping it close to the

2128
01:16:01,385 --> 01:16:02,744
vest of what he first of all, we

2129
01:16:02,744 --> 01:16:04,125
don't tell him kink shit. Okay?

2130
01:16:04,585 --> 01:16:07,309
He makes pins, and somehow we have this

2131
01:16:07,309 --> 01:16:08,289
house. Okay.

2132
01:16:08,829 --> 01:16:10,829
The neighbors have got to wonder what kind

2133
01:16:10,829 --> 01:16:12,929
of fucking pins you make. Right? Anyway

2134
01:16:13,469 --> 01:16:13,969
anyway

2135
01:16:17,149 --> 01:16:17,809
so so

2136
01:16:18,590 --> 01:16:21,069
he goes in quietly, like, under the radar,

2137
01:16:21,069 --> 01:16:22,485
just wants to look. I'm on the outside.

2138
01:16:22,485 --> 01:16:23,604
I don't wanna be here. There's too many

2139
01:16:23,604 --> 01:16:26,345
people. Yep. So he's walking around looking and

2140
01:16:26,405 --> 01:16:28,265
gets into a conversation, and then

2141
01:16:29,204 --> 01:16:30,485
you were ready for the dude to be

2142
01:16:30,485 --> 01:16:32,104
like, I'm not telling you trade secrets.

2143
01:16:32,405 --> 01:16:34,405
You asked a question about supplier or whatever.

2144
01:16:34,405 --> 01:16:36,130
And I expected the guy to be kind

2145
01:16:36,130 --> 01:16:38,609
of offended because, yeah, we were, like, staking

2146
01:16:38,609 --> 01:16:40,609
out his stuff. You know? Mhmm. It was

2147
01:16:40,609 --> 01:16:43,029
beautiful. I mean, it was good amazing work.

2148
01:16:44,210 --> 01:16:46,369
Offered the information freely and invited him to

2149
01:16:46,369 --> 01:16:48,175
the damn meeting. Yep. I was like, that

2150
01:16:48,295 --> 01:16:51,255
that's how community should be, man. That's like

2151
01:16:51,414 --> 01:16:52,234
that's it.

2152
01:16:52,534 --> 01:16:55,194
Yeah. And I and he had these beautiful

2153
01:16:55,335 --> 01:16:57,194
glass blown pin stands.

2154
01:16:57,494 --> 01:16:59,515
He buys them from a maker out of

2155
01:16:59,734 --> 01:17:01,949
some mother state, not Florida. Mhmm. And the

2156
01:17:01,949 --> 01:17:03,630
ones that were on, they're beautiful, but I'm

2157
01:17:03,630 --> 01:17:05,069
like, none of these are purple. So I'm

2158
01:17:05,069 --> 01:17:07,310
like, do you have purple? What? Because it

2159
01:17:07,310 --> 01:17:08,909
was $20. I'd have bought it right then.

2160
01:17:08,909 --> 01:17:10,750
Like, do I need a pen stand? No.

2161
01:17:10,750 --> 01:17:12,430
But it was fucking gorgeous. I don't like

2162
01:17:12,510 --> 01:17:14,430
It was it was beautiful. We put my,

2163
01:17:14,430 --> 01:17:17,204
like, g 2 pile in it.

2164
01:17:18,465 --> 01:17:19,985
Hey, now. Come on. I do have a

2165
01:17:19,985 --> 01:17:22,065
beautiful pen. I have made you several pens

2166
01:17:22,225 --> 01:17:23,445
Yeah. And pencils.

2167
01:17:23,824 --> 01:17:26,565
Yeah. And I appreciate it. I appreciate it.

2168
01:17:26,945 --> 01:17:27,445
So

2169
01:17:28,065 --> 01:17:29,640
I was like, I'm willing to spend money

2170
01:17:29,640 --> 01:17:31,159
with you and not just because you were

2171
01:17:31,159 --> 01:17:32,300
nice to my

2172
01:17:33,000 --> 01:17:36,060
makes air quote makes pens and bowls husband.

2173
01:17:36,279 --> 01:17:38,279
He does. He does. I do. But that

2174
01:17:38,279 --> 01:17:39,340
don't pay the mortgage.

2175
01:17:42,039 --> 01:17:43,260
I don't pay the mortgage.

2176
01:17:45,204 --> 01:17:46,005
Well, so

2177
01:17:47,284 --> 01:17:48,344
Yeah. We've been

2178
01:17:48,885 --> 01:17:49,385
adventuring.

2179
01:17:49,844 --> 01:17:52,164
Mhmm. Yeah. It's been kinda cool. It's been

2180
01:17:52,164 --> 01:17:54,725
fun. Mhmm. It's been fun. I think we've

2181
01:17:54,725 --> 01:17:56,805
needed that. We made some changes to our

2182
01:17:56,805 --> 01:17:58,409
Patreon. To go back to the commercial from

2183
01:17:58,409 --> 01:18:00,679
the beginning. We made some changes to our

2184
01:18:00,679 --> 01:18:02,696
Patreon this year that had me feeling, like,

2185
01:18:02,696 --> 01:18:04,713
kinda guilty because I was like, we we

2186
01:18:04,713 --> 01:18:06,730
were doing stuff on, like, all these weekends.

2187
01:18:06,730 --> 01:18:08,747
And JB's like, we have got to have

2188
01:18:08,747 --> 01:18:10,765
time for ourselves. How can we do that?

2189
01:18:10,765 --> 01:18:12,782
I'm like, here's how we can do that.

2190
01:18:12,782 --> 01:18:15,335
Now look, I did use data from survey

2191
01:18:15,335 --> 01:18:17,435
and just my own eyeballs on analytics

2192
01:18:18,054 --> 01:18:20,614
of what not to do in Patreon anymore

2193
01:18:20,614 --> 01:18:23,414
because what nobody fucking watching anyway or listening

2194
01:18:23,414 --> 01:18:24,475
or doing or whatever.

2195
01:18:24,935 --> 01:18:26,614
So, I mean, it wasn't just but I

2196
01:18:26,614 --> 01:18:27,819
did. I was like, but we used to

2197
01:18:27,819 --> 01:18:29,179
do so much more. And now we've got

2198
01:18:29,179 --> 01:18:31,340
weekends to ourselves. I'm like, oh, this is

2199
01:18:31,340 --> 01:18:32,960
probably what we should have been doing.

2200
01:18:33,340 --> 01:18:35,500
We might have been more relaxed and more

2201
01:18:35,500 --> 01:18:36,000
present

2202
01:18:36,619 --> 01:18:38,719
if we had taken more time for ourselves.

2203
01:18:39,260 --> 01:18:41,179
Funny how that works. It is funny how

2204
01:18:41,179 --> 01:18:43,284
that works. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

2205
01:18:45,425 --> 01:18:47,045
Yeah. But anywho Anyway.

2206
01:18:48,145 --> 01:18:48,945
I think it's,

2207
01:18:49,505 --> 01:18:52,064
Past time. Yeah. Yum time. Yep. Let these

2208
01:18:52,064 --> 01:18:54,145
good folks go. We have things to yeah.

2209
01:18:54,145 --> 01:18:56,005
We're just gonna A little over an hour.

2210
01:18:56,359 --> 01:18:57,960
Getting close to our appointment that we have

2211
01:18:57,960 --> 01:18:58,780
to go to.

2212
01:18:59,159 --> 01:18:59,479
So,

2213
01:19:00,039 --> 01:19:01,640
yeah, I think we're we're good, and we'll

2214
01:19:01,640 --> 01:19:04,140
be back Friday night. That's true. This Friday,

2215
01:19:04,199 --> 01:19:07,640
9:30 PM EST. Yep. Yep. Yep. We will.

2216
01:19:07,640 --> 01:19:08,140
And,

2217
01:19:08,600 --> 01:19:10,625
hopefully, we have some updates on our chaos.

2218
01:19:10,684 --> 01:19:12,764
You never know. Hopefully, we just don't have

2219
01:19:12,764 --> 01:19:15,404
new chaos because I just I am still

2220
01:19:15,404 --> 01:19:16,604
that person who would like sure to calm

2221
01:19:16,604 --> 01:19:18,764
down. That's what I'm saying. Right? Right. There

2222
01:19:18,764 --> 01:19:19,965
you go. So I guess we need to

2223
01:19:19,965 --> 01:19:22,784
go. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Bye. Bye, everybody.