You're listening to Loving BDSM podcast episode 4
24.
Kayla Lords here with the one, the only,
the guy who might originally be from New
York, but is no longer made for cold
weather. John Brownstone. Darn straight. Yeah. Even Florida
cold. Yeah. No. I it's it's, it's too
much. You know, I
Long time ago. You don't want me to
tell you how old I was in early
81? Yeah. No. No. No. No. Let's not
go there. No.
Age gaps are fun and awkward.
Even at our age. Right?
If you hear what sounds like a in
the background, that's because our Florida cold and
the arctic blast that hit us in Florida,
required our heater to be running,
in the office.
So that's the A little space heater Yeah.
Yeah. In addition. In addition to whatever else
we can get.
As you could tell, we're back from break
and still just as chaotic as ever. Mhmm.
Diminishing
the chaos has never been a resolution for
us. It's never a goal. Yeah.
We're gonna try maybe not to increase the
chaos. Just to maintain our level of chaos.
And and yet we're also we've got plans
for 2025, and that's what we're gonna talk
about this week.
We've we don't do resolutions, but we've got
plans and goals and intentions and even words,
multiple words of the year that we're trying
to, like, follow,
as it relates to our power exchange and
getting back or getting to a point where
we're like, yes. This is the power exchange
we want to have.
Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this
is your first time listening, glad to have
you. If you're back for another week, welcome
back. Loving BDSM is produced every Monday Friday
for your kinky pleasure and education. Show notes
are found at lovingbdsm.net.
Come back often and follow the show. Nope.
Come back often and feel free to add
the podcast to your favorite podcast app. How,
after 2 hun 424
episodes, am I still getting that wrong? You
know?
Are we gonna rerecord it? No. Because that
would be the 4th take of this intro.
You can also follow the show on fat
life at loving BDSM PC
at blue sky at it's at loving BDSM,
and then a whole bunch of other stuff.
Just search loving BDSM will pop up on
Instagram and technically threads at that handle I
will forever fucking hate. And I get annoyed
every time I have to think about it
because it makes me so mad.
That is loving d s and the number
one. So at loving d s one. Or
on YouTube at youtube.com/loving
BDSM, where you can watch us live stream
the podcast every Wednesday. All links are in
the show notes. Okay. So before we get
into,
today's topic,
announcements.
1, relatively short. 1,
relatively long. Brace yourselves.
Okay.
So the first one is just,
to point you
to a podcast episode slash video slash even
blog post that we were a part of
with Dom Sub Living. They asked us and
a few other,
king sters what is, like, the one thing
you wish you knew
when you got into kink, when you you
know, before you even got into kink. So
we shared our thoughts
along with other folks like Eevi and Sunny
Megatron and a couple other people whose right
now the names escaped me, but I recognized
them. I was like, oh, yeah.
But y'all know me and my memory.
So
if you would like to check out that
episode
video
situation,
the link is in the places.
Feel free.
Ta da. There you go.
That one was the quick one. Look at
it. Yay. It was a quick one.
Here's the long one.
We are
officially
in our 20
25 Patreon
membership drive. This is the part of the
year where we try to encourage as many
folks who as who can because you happen
to have the funds to join us on
Patreon.
1,
joining on Patreon is a way to support
the work we do and make it a
little easier for us
to do it and to not be working
on other things.
It helps sustain life, and so we can
sit here with you once a week and
be whatever this is.
And in exchange, we hope we give our
Patreon community
something in return to make it worth it.
So the membership drive is important for two
primary reasons. It runs through February
16th,
15th, 15th, 15th, 15th.
I think in the blog post, I said
16th. There's a blog post with all this
information I'm about to say. It's linked in
the places if you would prefer to read
it, or if you need a refresher. But
I'm just now realizing
I put an incorrect date. 15th.
Runs to 15th February.
The during the membership drive, what you get
that makes this special opposed to other times
is, 1, if you sign them as an
annual member, you get 2 months free. So
you pay for 10 months and you get
access for a year.
On a $10 a month membership, that's in
in US dollars, it's a $100.
Also during the membership drive, if you maintain
membership, hi.
Shout out to our current kinking community or
you've become a a member and are a
member until February 15th,
you then get a special goodie
based on your tier. So this year,
the we have 3 tiers in our Patreon.
The 2 and the $5
folks in those 2 tiers
will get and not even released yet and
not technically not even finished yet,
new
kinky workbook that we are making,
and it will focus on,
communication and power exchange, which I just still
don't know how we haven't made that workbook
yet.
So it's brand new. It won't be available
anywhere else when we send it out to
the folks who, become eligible for it. They'll
get it at no additional charge.
Eventually, it will make its way to Etsy,
where if you want it, you gotta pay
for it.
The
we're doing something
a little a little different this year. Also,
the
$10 tier, it's our highest official tier.
We'll also get that
BDSM workbook. It is digital. It's a PDF.
It's printable.
We do not have the the means, the
funds to do printed ones at this point.
Not in this way. Not for something like
a membership drive.
But the $10 tier gets that, but also
gets an exclusive, meaning you will not see
it on Etsy
later. Pin, enamel pin, p I n pin.
I don't know if y'all think I'm saying
it right, but I think I'm saying it
right.
That commemorates
the loving BDSM
10th podcast anniversary
because 2025
is when we hit our 10th podcast anniversary.
Wow. So we're it's gonna feature,
our logo. And then once I finish, like,
making it look away, it's gonna say, like,
10th anniversary and, like, 2015 to 25,
something like that. And it will only be
available,
to our Kinky community members. The first chance
to get it is to be in the
$10
tier,
during the membership drive.
We do ship internationally, so you can be
in the states. You can be in another
country. If you're in that tier, you will
get that pin.
After the membership drive, we will might do
give giveaways throughout the year. So, you know,
we can other people can have a chance
to get that pin, but
this is not one we are selling. This
is one that it will be exclusive
exclusive,
because quite frankly, we would not have made
it 10
years without our Patreon community. That's true.
Y'all got us through some, like, real lean
times. So,
yeah. This one is just for Patreon membership.
The
up through February 15th, you get 2 months
free for for an annual thing. If you
don't have that kind of cash, but you're
like, I would really like that pin.
If you do month to month, you can
cancel or change your tier at at any
time. It's as little as $2 a month
to join. But if you want that pin,
gotta be in the $10 tier during the
membership drive. So after the membership
drive, change your tier if you need to.
We don't want anybody going broke just to
come hang out with us. Now
if you join our Patreon at any point
this year,
especially the membership drive, here's what you get.
Everybody gets, certain things regardless of tier. Access
to our Discord server. It is the only
way to get access to our Discord server.
And,
oh my god. How have I forgotten what
we give away? Holy
crap.
We also do a monthly behind the scenes
podcast episode that used to focus more on
what we were doing professionally, and it still
will because our work life is part of
our life. But as you'll find out in
this week's episode about our plans
to, like, where we wanna go with our
power exchange life this year, we will be
talking about that a lot in the behind
the scenes in ways that we probably won't
do in episodes.
So you get a little insight there. Plus,
we will do alternating every other month, a
game night or movie night. Game night, we'll
play Cards Against Humanity every other month. In
the month we don't have a game night,
we're doing a movie night. We're gonna do
that in Discord. I'll probably just share my
screen. We intend to watch kinky movies together.
How long will they take? I guess it
depends on how often I have to hit
pause and go, what the ever loving fuck?
So
that's what everybody gets regardless
of, what tier you're at. If you join
at the $5 tier, you get access to
a brand new thing we've never done before,
but is highly requested.
JB is recording
himself reading
bedtime stories. And we're doing fairy tales for
this year. Grim's fairy tales. Grim's fairy tales.
So if you like the sound of this
man's voice and wish you could hear it
without me anywhere near it, this would be
your chance. The $5 tier minimum is what
you have to do to join that. If
you join the $10 tier, you get access
to every digital product we make that goes
on Etsy, all of our workbooks, all of
our planner sheets, the coloring books we make,
all of that at no additional charge. That's
what you get extra in the $10 tier,
plus access to the bedtime stories, plus everything
else. So,
I just said a lot and was chaotic.
If you're like, what the hell was that?
There are links in the places where you
can go look at the information
for yourself
and not depend
on my chaotic ass. I think I need
to go read the information.
So do I.
And I have written it multiple times in
multiple places now.
I just now realized I got a date
wrong because, of course, I did. And somebody,
master Frostbite, in the chat asked, stickers?
We're not doing stickers this year.
Part of that was because trying to afford
to mail out stickers,
in 2024
nearly broke us.
And the best way to make the enameled
pin at the $10 level truly exclusive,
that has to be the only thing I'm
spending
postage
and dollars to create on. Now we do
have
a a tentative plan to do something special
at the end of the year for December
for, like, a special temporary tier folks can
join.
And that will likely involve stickers,
but that's not a fully fleshed out plan.
So, no, this year, $2
$5 folks get our brand new BDSM communication
workbook, and then $10 folks get that and
the
special 10th anniversary
enamel pin, p I n pin.
So,
yeah, that's that's what
that's what's going on. I hate that I
did not have my shit together
well enough to explain that. But I knew
I wouldn't. I put it in writing.
If you happen to be a current Patreon
member or you join, like,
in the next whatever, we also did a
video on it that you would have access
to. We also recorded an audio podcast. Like,
we just that's all that was for,
Patreon folks. But it is in writing if
you're like, I have no fucking clue what
she just said. I don't know what she's
talking about.
There are links.
So
that is that.
I am gonna take a sip of my
diet Coke and show off to the camera
my,
new Starbucks cup I got for Christmas.
That is beautiful. Okay.
So into the actual topic.
Okay.
And
he walked away.
Oh, okay. I was gonna say, just a
reminder for anybody who maybe didn't catch it
at the very, very beginning of this episode,
there was a in the background for JB's
space heater.
I just turned it off. I know. And
I'm Yeah.
So So now if you're like, wow. I
can hear them better. It's because that's Spacey.
Time. Yep. Did you, get hot? Warm
comfortable enough. Wow. I'm not gonna say I'm
warm. No. You would never admit that during
this arctic blast that Florida is experiencing.
She, she teased me on mercy
mercilessly last night because I, wrapped myself up
in a microfiber blanket. Oh, he I mean,
he wrapped himself up like he was, you
know, escaping war, y'all. Like, it was the
way I mean, he was
y'all, he looked pitiful. I the fur the
first view I got of it, I didn't
get my my phone up fast enough to
get the picture because that one was the
funniest view. And then I finally convinced him
to do a a recreation and I posted
that in Discord. I was like, somebody is
cold and somebody else is laughing at them.
Snap up.
Because y'all, he was in his flannel pj
pants,
his shirt,
his did you have your robe on? Yeah.
Your slippers Mhmm. The blanket
with the dog. Was the dog next to
you at the time with her body heat?
Yep. And the space heater
3 feet away from him. And the cat
in my lap.
Anyway, that's
me,
what's the right one?
Giving you shit. It's not really the point
of this episode. No.
It's a feature, not a bug of our
relationship, though.
So,
I think we both realized we were on
the same page about
this week's
topic,
when we were having our conversation in the
last episode of 2024.
Mhmm. Because, you know, you said it. You're
like, I I miss us. I wanna get
back to us. Right? Mhmm. And then we
did a thing I don't think we've done
in literal years. We actually took time off
during our break Yes. Which did a lot
of wonderful good things, but also I think
gave us time to just
sit and breathe and Mhmm. Think and not
just think about the things that
stress us out or worry us, but think
about the things we actually want. Yeah. And
and, you know, for me, that was
kind of unusual because I don't normally do
that, you know. In in the past,
during our winter break, I would go out,
you know, I'd I'd
I'd deep clean the shop, so to speak.
You know, I'd
I'd
I'd maintenance tools. I'd make things that I
don't have a chance to make
during the busy of the season, and I
did not do that this year. No. You
actually rested
Yeah. As as you should. Mhmm. I mean,
I believe I was lecturing you in previous
years for now. Yeah.
But the good thing about that is, you
know, we got to just relax and just
do some stuff we wanted to do. Mhmm.
We got we got a lot more sleep,
all that. Yeah. But also,
we,
we had a couple of pleasant surprises. So
let me start by saying the
the,
caveat that the reminder,
the whatever,
kink and sex do not are not required
to go hand in hand. You can do
kink without sex. It's like you can do
sex without kink. Mhmm. However, if we're fucking,
it's kinky.
That's just how we are with 1 of
those. Aspect to that in there. Yeah. Right.
It's it's there's something about it that's definitely
under the BDSM umbrella
every time.
A couple things happened
in a very short amount of time. 1,
we were
relaxed enough and rested enough Mhmm. That we
wanted to have sex,
and
we were in a head space where we
were actually actively talking about
not just our kink life, not just our
power change, but actually our sex life,
which is not something we've done in a
long time. The last conversation,
I think,
I remember having, it was me doing the,
I am so sorry that I don't seem
to want that right now and, you know.
And and, you know, I I think that
was my
state of mind for for a time there.
You know?
Yeah. She's going through, you know, perimenopause
and has no interest
in in segs and Yeah. You know, and
and I just okay. That's the way it
is. Well, I mean, that was the way
it was to me for me too. And,
you know, we've talked
in previous episodes about how the way we
handle,
you know, our individual sex lives and our
sex life as a couple,
doesn't cause
guilt. Like, I don't I don't like it.
I want to be sexually close to you,
but if if the mind and body just
can't,
I don't walk around feeling bad about it
either. We talk it out. He's got what
he has to do, what he wants to
do.
I'm not necessarily required for that. And then,
you know,
I could just be miserable and sexless,
in peace.
But
part of it is, you know, on the
on the sex side. Right?
We had
I have been on this sort of journey
to get my hormones,
like,
regulated.
Mhmm.
And
I think we finally mostly gotten to the
right dosage level and the
the desire for sex has come back is
coming back. Now the other thing that was
happening at about the same time as, you
know, the holidays,
at the end of last year, was some
life stressors were starting to calm the fuck
down. Yeah. And
regardless of what's going on with your physical
body, stress will can kill the desire for
sex. A good libido. Yes. You can. For
many people, not all people, but enough of
us.
And so that was helping as well. But
the thing I noticed more than anything
was
the willingness to talk about it. And I
don't mean from you. You're always the one
to talk about it if I wanna talk
about it.
I don't talk about sex with you very
often. No.
And then we had a couple of, like,
crazy mornings. We are now morning sex people
for the most part.
And you were doing some things I liked.
You were doing some things that I was
like, oh, I can feel myself responding to
this. Mhmm. And for once,
I just, like, I just told you. I
went, hey. If you do this thing first,
you're gonna get a better
response than if you do that thing.
And
that,
one, it worked. We've had a couple of
follow-up conversations because we are creatures of habit,
and so JV has been getting me primed
for a good digging
for many years now. And so he has
his go to's. And so I've had to
come back and go Yeah. I know what
you're doing here, but remember remember what we
talked about? Yeah. I had some I I
still need that little Yeah. Because it's not
habit yet. Right.
But it was more profound to me that
not only could I just speak up and
go, hey. Mhmm. Look. If you want to
get
me locked and fucking loaded,
pull my fucking hair. Actually, what I said
was dominate me. Have power. Have control. Yeah.
Back in the day when everything was loosey
goosey and juicy, you just had to look
at my clit sideways, and I was ready
to go.
These days, I need
I need more than physical. I need an
emotional mental thing Yeah. Before
the like, the the head's gotta be into
it before the body's gonna follow. So
in talking about that, in talking about,
hey. I need more
physical control from you
as part of our sex life. It is
even just the foreplay part of our sex
life, the Yeah. Getting getting us ready for
the sex part.
That led into
conversations about our power exchange Yes. That were
needed. Mhmm.
What we've we
we have had over the past few years.
We've had conversations here and there about our
power exchange. Correct.
But never really with the intention
of doing anything, just sort of the acknowledgment
of,
yeah, this this part of life is kind
of sucking right now. And we would love
to have something different, but, you know, we
would mutually kind of say in our own
way and
that we just didn't have the energy or
the time or the will. We would just
keep things going on
the routine that we have. Right.
Because when
when everything else goes to shit, sometimes it's
those,
you know, in the background routines that'll That
hold you together. Right. Mhmm.
So,
that's where this all stems from.
The first part I wanted to because it
was a conversation we had over the past
couple weeks Yeah.
Was about,
the concept of were a word for the
year or words
of for the year. I never can just
have one word of a year. That's that's
not enough. No one single word encompasses all
my thoughts. So we sat down and talked
about this in
relation to our power exchange. Right. What
are your what is your word are your
words?
A word. Okay.
My word
is mindfulness.
Mhmm.
Okay?
For too long now, I've been in a
reactive
mode,
and I need to
get out of that. Mhmm.
Now what how
what do you mean by that? Reactive
as it pertains to our power exchange. Mhmm.
Reactive in what way and what does it
mean to get out of that for you?
Well, not so much that it
and
let me clarify here. What I'm talking about
is not directly
related to our power exchange,
but it is
how these outside things affected
Mhmm. Our power exchange.
So, you know, when
when I I say mindfulness and and the
fact that, you know, I felt feel like
I have been on unreactive,
mode. It's just because of everything that has
been happening
Right. You have in in our lives. Mhmm.
And,
you know, between that, between the finances, between
a number of other things that we were
going through,
it it just seemed like constantly
running to put out fires. Right. There was
no time to just sit and think, to
plan. Right. You tried to plan. That was
Yeah. You you stomp out one fire and
Right. You know, another one's going over there,
and you go to that, and then the
other one started backed up in addition to
another one. Right. So, you know, round and
round we go.
You know, I I will be
I'm not honest with you, with all of
y'all,
2024
sucked for me.
Mhmm. And yet, in a way, it was
the best thing that happened because I needed
it.
I
I feel like last year I hit bottom.
Mhmm.
I
tanked my
mental health, my ability to
keep on
shouldering things and yeah. It it all just,
came to an
end
in not a good way.
Knowing what you and I know, that's for
our personal stuff. Do you
feel like you're pulling yourself out of that
now or that you woke up one day
and you just are on a higher step
of the ladder? Like, is it a physical,
like, I'm I'm actively pulling myself out of
this now? Does feel that way. Gotcha.
It it's like a physical thing step by
step. Mhmm. Mhmm.
But
yeah. In in, you know, in in some
ways,
I'm kinda glad
it happened because now there's only one way
to go,
so to speak. You know? Yeah. This is
the first time in
4 years that I would agree with that
without putting the caveat of, well,
you never know. This yeah. This is the
first time I'm like, yes. I I feel
like
where we were.
So even in the 1st 8 days of
the year, yes. Yeah. It's a
it'll be,
a squiggly loopy loop line, but it's a
the progression
is momentum is upward. Right. Mhmm.
You know, so, you know, for me yeah.
I I wanna practice more
more mindfulness.
Be
more aware of things. Mhmm.
Okay.
And specific to power exchange, what are you
what are you thinking?
In addition to
the power exchange, I would say for me
right now just to be more
be more there.
That's what I mean. It as it pertains
to our power exchange, what does that look
like? What does that look like?
Well, you know,
like, you know, I started making sure you
get your
collar on every day. Yeah. We y'all, we
it had gotten so bad. There were Wednesdays.
We were on camera, and I wasn't wearing
a collar, and both of us were like,
whew, whatever. Yeah.
You know. No. We didn't like that. You
know, so I I've been making
more of
a, you know, been doing that more regularly
now. Mhmm. And that's a feedback loop because
once you started, I went, oh, this is
we never had a conversation about it. Yep.
I went, oh, this is important to him.
So then if you forgot, I reminded but
here's what I'll tell you from a submissive,
from my own personal submissive perspective.
I like it when you remember it and
you bring it to me and you're like,
I am putting this on you. Right.
Okay.
Yep. I I I can tell. There's I
I
we don't really use terms like ownership in
our power exchange, but there is this
feeling of, like, I am his and he
is putting on the thing
that,
shows that to the whole world.
Podcast listeners, you cannot see this, but JB
just had to run off camera out the
back door because Lola
was crying like she thought she'd been abandoned,
on the other side of the house, she
wasn't at the door trying to come in.
No.
So yeah. The
hi, Lola.
The focusing on my collar again,
that was that was immediately noticeable. And I
yeah. I am I am happy too if
if you're like, hey. I'm telling you as
your big d. Make sure you've got your
collar on because that's how it used to
be for us.
And I will if that's what you want.
But I do like the fact that you
are thinking about it, and you are remembering,
you're looking at me going, she's not wearing
my fucking collar. That's not okay. Like, I
I like that. Mhmm.
Alright.
And and I'm sorry for you saw that
look. That was because Lola was winding in
between the legs of the tripod.
Yeah.
She hadn't changed a bit y'all.
Gotta love her. We got a little update
in the bonus section though. Yeah. Okay. So
okay. So
intention,
click my collar. Okay. So what else does
that look like?
The other thing that,
I I I like,
is
our nighttime ritual
Okay. Which has gotten
You you are more involved in it. That's
for sure. Yes. Here's the low was if
I was lucky, I got about 30 seconds
of a blow rub. You know, I'm a
creature of habit and routine. So having the
routine of here are the things I'm supposed
to do for creature
of habit and routine. So having the routine
of here are the things I'm supposed to
do for our nighttime routine until he unless
he had said stop doing
that, I wouldn't have liked it. But if
and as long as he allowed me to
do it, I was still doing it. But
his part
required less,
in terms of make sure you've done this,
make sure you've done that. Like, I did
all that. And then he was, like, the
final
decider of, okay, now get into bed, go
to sleep. And at your lowest point, if
I got, like, half a butt rub
Mhmm. You know, and and I never took
it. Sometimes it was like just a tap
tap, you know? Oh, yeah. And I never
took it personally. I knew it wasn't about
me. Mhmm. But, yeah,
it's not not the best feeling in the
world. And, yes, I have been able to
tell the difference there. And and, you know,
yeah, even even for me, I I did
not really care for it. Mhmm. Because, you
know, I I knew, you know, this this
is not how it's Right. You knew what
we used to be like Right. And how
it used to be. Yes. Mhmm.
So, you know, there was that. But, yeah,
that that has definitely
changed. Mhmm. And
a few nights now you've gone to bed
with your ass warmed. I know. My bathroom
is cold. My butt is hot
as it should be. There you go. Okay.
There you go. Yeah. You've,
your your
sadistic side has
been more
it's been closer to the surface. Mhmm.
And I both love that and hate that
at the same time. Yeah. You can't imagine
why. Right. Right.
Right.
I've also noticed
and so we're talking about what's going on
now at the very beginning of 2025
with the hopes that one, if we pay
attention to it and acknowledge it Mhmm. And
nurture it, it will continue on Right. In
the future.
I have
noticed,
that you are quicker
to at least threaten
some level of, I would call it, funishment
more than anything,
when,
my mouth gets carried away with me.
Yes. Yes. And again, I both like that
and I'm scared of it.
So I kinda gotten used to if he
thought I was being funny, he'd laugh with
me.
But any sort of air quote threat, you
know, a consensual threat,
didn't pack a lot of heat.
The other day, I do not remember
what I said or what we were talking
about, but you did your classic from
many years ago, it feels like. There's a
way you say, oh?
Are you sure that's what you wanna say?
You wanna rethink that?
You will rethink all of your life choices
when he says it in
that the tone he uses for that. I
can't do it. I'm not built that way.
I'm not I'm not a big d. And
I'm I'm not even gonna try to recreate
it because it's one of those things that
In the moment. Yeah. It it works in
the moment.
And so far,
that has been
the best part of this Mhmm. Is that
it's felt org I mean, yes. You're being
mindful and you're you're thinking about it and
that makes a big difference, but it has
also felt organic. We've just kind of been
in a moment
and,
you know, I even at all my worst
days, I'm still a sassy fucking bitch. Okay?
So I never stop being sassy,
but I,
the way I respond to him is based
on how he responds to me. And previously,
you know, maybe a chuckle, maybe a this.
Every once in a while, like, you know,
the old JB, like, peek his head through.
But
even since
right at the end of 2024, 4, it's
been
a response
and an,
that I recognize. And so then my response
to you
changes and shifts, and now there's
I mean, I I think I think, you've
just done it to yourself if you say
that I'm sassier than ever. I I think
we know whose fault that is, and it's
not mine.
Because now I'm responding to the
putting out there, which has been
a lot of fun as well. And the
thing I've noticed, and I think this comes
into play with mindfulness,
in the fun moments, it's easy to to
respond to his dominant energy and his daddy
energy and his sadist energy. But But that
actually has translated over into the quieter moments.
I have gotten
so one of the things we do that's
sort of a subtle power exchange thing that
can happen anywhere. So when we get in
the car, my job is to ask, does
he want a sunglasses? Not in the middle
of the night. I use my fucking brain.
Is is the big ball of fire in
the sky?
My job is to ask him, does he
want his sunglasses? And if he does, I
get them out for him. Right?
And
that was a thing that was happening
chaotically and haphazardly
at best.
But just
having these other moments of our power exchange
kinda come back into play. Mhmm. I'm a
little bit, like, locked into that mindset. So
we get in the car and I'm like,
hey,
ball of fire in sky. Sunglasses,
maybe? You know, it's actually happening without me
doing a lot of, oh, fuck. I'm sorry.
I forgot again.
And I like I like that.
I like that.
Yep.
So
So mindfulness is your word? Yes.
I have multiple words. So
what else would you like to say about
mindfulness? That's,
that's good for me for the moment. Okay.
So What's yours?
The one that I'm definitely sticking with
goes hand in hand. You said mindfulness and
my brain went intentional.
Because
for the past several years,
our power exchange has just been on autoplay.
Right. It's just the stuff that we turned
into habits and routines
that we just always do as part of
our day to day interactions.
And that, to me, is a good thing
to have for those times of life where
you don't have energy or time or whatever
for anything else.
It is what allowed me to feel like
you're submissive all this time through some of
the worship we've been through.
That being said, just because it allowed that
sense of power exchange and that sort of
recognition of, yeah. Yeah. We're we're it's still
a dynamic, and and we still think of
our life this way and our relationship this
way, does not mean we were functioning at,
like, peak
power exchange. Like, it wasn't like, that wasn't
how I wanted to live forever.
It was just I understood
this is what would work for now.
So now
you're being mindful, and I'm over here being
intentional, because now I'm intent I'm I'm thinking
about
beyond just
the the habits, beyond just the stuff you
do by rote that you are are not
even consciously thinking about. And
so I'm
very aware if my collar is on or
not. Just in the past few days, it
has not taken a long time. The part
of it, I think, is because these are
not new habits to get into. These are
things we were doing, and they fell off,
and now we're getting back into them.
Bedtime routine.
Mhmm.
I'll probably never be
fully intentional with some of my tone because,
man, if I think I might be funny,
I'll just let it rip.
But I am,
once again, becoming more aware
that, oh, what I say might have consequences.
And why might have consequences.
I'm not
mad about that.
Nervous? Yes. Mad? No.
So, yeah, one of one of my words
for the year is intentional and how that
relates to plans and goals for this year
will come up again when we get to
that part.
And then the other one, I could never
settle on which one. Here are the multiple
words, and I just need one that encompasses
them all. Okay.
Renew,
rejuvenate,
refresh
Revitalize. Revitalize.
Whatever word it is I'm looking for that
I cannot think of right
now or ever. I've not thought of it
in a few weeks. It is that word
for our relationship.
I
recognize that whatever we get to and whatever
that next
part of love level is or next part
of the journey is or whatever, pick a
metaphor, any metaphor,
it probably will not look like it did
pre dumpster fire years.
Mm-mm. It's gonna look different because life is
strange for us. We're different. Stuff is stuff
is going on. Coming out the other side,
we're different. That too. Yeah.
But the feeling
is what I want.
Renewed, refreshed, revitalized,
revisited. Like, that's that's what
and that's the connection that we had that
was not 247,
365
where we the only
thing we ever thought about was each other
and our dynamic. Like, that's not real life.
But the you know, in any given moment,
any given day, I could pinpoint all these
places where, oh, yeah. That that was me
being very submissive. Oh, yeah. That was his
sadistic daddy. Oh, yeah. Here's where we came
together. I just hit myself in the face.
Here's where we came together,
and it was very, you know,
us as dom sub. Right?
That
whatever that's gonna look like
2025
and forward,
I I don't quite know what that's gonna
look like. We're gonna be who we are.
We're gonna vibe the way we've been vibing.
Yep. But the actual activities, may wildly
activities, may
wildly differ. I don't know.
That then I go back to intentional of
how much do we of it is that
something we want to intentionally
change. Those are not necessarily conversations we've had
yet. Right. And how much of it is
we just we we wanna get the feeling
back and then let things happen Organically. Right.
Yeah. Mhmm. So, yeah, those are Okay. Those
are my words. Okay. Okay.
So
Mhmm. I can talk about one
plan ish
with
the goal of
getting us
revitalized.
See, I don't know what the word is.
Mhmm.
The the the vibe of that word.
It's something that we're gonna do,
that we've already talked about. We don't have
a like, we don't have it scheduled, like,
on this week, we're gonna do this and
this Mhmm. No. But we have a few
ideas written out. We've we'll brainstorm as we
go on. We are going to do
little power exchange
moments that are kind of like experiments, kinda
like, let's just test this out and see
how we feel.
And some of those, they're gonna be topics
for upcoming episodes.
One that that I've I floated
in a nervous voice was
so I know nobody is shocked to know
that at any moment in time, unless I'm
specifically told to be quiet,
you know, he uses the d voice and
I'm be quiet and I'm quiet. I got
a lot to say.
I got a lot of questions.
I got a lot of thoughts.
It is very rare,
or has been anyway, for
me to be told to do something and
to just do it. There's there's
But but and What about are you sure?
Yeah. And why? And yeah. So one of
the ones we talked about and we if
it if we if it works, we might
do it multiple times. But one of the
things we talked about was having
a day, a weekend, a time frame
where we have things to do. It's not
just our normal routine at home where, you
know, but, like, we're out in public. We're
doing something different, whatever. And my job is
to fucking follow.
Unless what he's asking
is a hard limit, which oh, god. You
haven't asked for something that's a hard limit
in a literal decade. Yeah. Or
I genuinely do not understand what's being asked
of me.
Mhmm. We're gonna have
some amount of time where he tells me
to do a thing. I just do a
thing. I I part of this came from
the conversation we had that I have really
enjoyed
having these moments. We're in a busy
yeah. We're going to Sam's Club. We're in
a busy parking lot. And he's walking ahead
of me, and I realized I don't have
to be worried about traffic. I don't have
I don't have to look both ways. I
just have to follow my daddy because he's
not gonna let his ass get hit. So
guess what? He's not gonna let my ass
get hit. And the few times I've just
sort of played with that, he doesn't even
know it's fucking happening. I'm walking behind him.
I'm in my own little head. It's I
really liked it. But I'm like, okay. I'm
choosing to do this and I'm making it
happen without anybody controlling it. Of course, I
like it. What happens?
Like, can Kayla just shut the fuck up
and do what she's told? We don't know.
Well, you know, just just for a quick
example how it goes sometimes.
I do not like to drive the same
route over and over again. And I only
wonder I I I like I like to
change it up. Go different routes. I don't
know how your brain works. I just don't
get it.
And when Kayla is with me and I
go
a different way,
what are you doing? Why are we going
to is something wrong? What's going on? That
might be whatever flavor of neurospicy
I am. I'm just saying.
But the idea of being intentional and mindful,
to use your word, of going, okay. I
don't need to ask this question.
He's a grown ass man who survived the
world
for 50 years before he met me. He's
got this.
I do a lot lately, especially with all
of this in mind.
I do a lot of self like, in
my head, you're you're driving and I'm like
Mhmm. Does he drive as carefully as he
wants to when he rode a motorcycle every
single day? No. No. He does not. No.
Okay. Also, have I become more anxious as
time has gone on? Yes. Yeah. But
also,
he's not a reckless driver.
He knows what the hell he's doing. He's
been driving longer than I've been alive.
So
that's me making age gaps weird.
Mhmm.
So, like, what the fuck am I worried
about? I know what I'm worried about. I
know how I kinda know how my brain
works, but
part of the for me, part of
the the beauty of submission is letting some
of that fucking go and trusting the person
that you've put in charge. Right? Yeah. And
I've
it might not seem it to you because
you you hear every
oh. And what see the Fred Flintstone break
thing happened to me
all the time. But
I would like it on record that at
least over the past few days, I have
made a concerted effort
to calm the fuck down. You have. I've
noticed that you you you're not,
you know, jumping in every time. Mhmm. You
know,
couple times, you know, you get Sure. Look.
If I if it looks egregious, and I'm
like, I don't think you know what's coming.
Right. Yeah. Yeah. You're all over it. But
you you have been doing better, and I'm
grateful for that.
Yeah. We're not it was not fun to
ride in a car with one another.
Because a few things, either if I was
trying to pay attention to the road, I
was on high alert and just, like, sweating.
I was so anxious and he was
aggravated.
Or I had my nose stuck in my
phone to avoid that, but then we weren't
talking and we weren't interacting and, you know,
I was getting annoyed when he interrupted me
reading you. Like, that that's fine every once
in a while, but we had gotten to
a point where that was our relationship if
we were out together.
I was glued to my phone.
He was
I don't know what you were doing. I
wasn't paying attention because I was reading my
book on my phone. Driving my car alone.
I don't know. I don't know about
that.
So
so,
you know,
of course,
in an ideal world, one partner would not
annoy the shit out of the other about
their driving. Like, yeah. But I like like,
I find it easier to do hard things,
sometimes through with the help of and through
the lens of power exchange.
I can do a whole hell of a
lot more
that I find uncomfortable
when I'm thinking about how I don't have
to be in control
than when I'm worried I do need to
be in control. You know what I mean?
Or I do need to be aware or
and let's be let's be frank here.
Over the past few years, as your mental
health tanked, as your
as you hit your your bottom, right,
I had to take charge of more stuff.
You did. Now I was doing it through
this idea of being of service
both to you and to our wife,
but
I've had my fingers on a lot of
damn pots You did. That for a few
years you did not have. Like, early in
our us moving in together, you did not.
And
I know
that that means going forward,
it'll probably be difficult at times to
let go of that control. Control away from
you. We did the episode on control issues.
I got them. Yep. But on some levels,
I'm like, dang it here. Have it back.
I don't want it anymore. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
So Yeah.
You know, I so those kinds of things,
intentional,
mindful,
moving forward. Purposeful. Purposeful.
There you know, what are ways that we
can reconnect in our power exchange and do
it sometimes, like,
genuinely, intentionally, like, we plan a thing, like,
the the thing I was talking about.
We have we've been asked for years to
try a few kink apps, not the dating
ones, but, like, obedience and stuff like that.
Mhmm. What we actually have a list now.
There's, like, 3 Yeah. That we know of
that are specific, supposedly specific to kinky relationships.
Well, we're gonna spend some time testing those
out, and so we can come back and
talk to y'all about what we think about
these apps. But, also, how does it allow
us to reconnect in our power exchange? What
does it do for our power exchange?
I believe at some point on the list
of ideas is to
rehash what we want our power exchange to
look like. Right. You know, the things that
I've been doing since 2014,
do I am I Should I still be
doing them? Right? The things you do have
control of, is that what you still are
there things you would prefer to have control
over that you don't like, stuff like that.
Yeah.
So
that is, you know, our
thinking right now
on how we will
handle our power exchange and hopefully get it
to
whatever it's gonna be that we think is
better than it is now. Right? We're better
than it has been. Because right now, it's
feeling pretty fucking good.
I've been
to the extent that I am capable of,
I've been fairly relaxed,
you know,
in in some things over the past few
weeks as we've just
taken some time to just breathe and to
just be. I and I think that that
was that has been a big thing for
us because we,
you know, yeah, we we took some time
to breathe.
We
touched some grass.
Yeah. That
really helped y'all. That really did help.
You know, we we we did things
unrelated to home
and work. Mhmm.
K?
We've discovered we both enjoy
thrifting.
Yeah. I still kind of have to have
a goal in mind. Purpose. Yeah. Yeah. There
I'm but I need to be looking for
something. Mhmm. But,
yeah, I'm still not sure how I feel
about antiquing though, which it's just Yeah.
But I did though. Yeah.
I I liked it too. And I did
find something. So See for me, I I
like the the surprise finds.
No.
I'm
the best time I had at thrifting, I
went in with a goal. I wanted a
certain size,
mason jar. Mason jar? Mason jar. Right? Bell
jar. Yeah. Not the little, not the giant,
like that middle size. Right?
And I I knew from experience, I knew
from things people have said, those those sizes
are hard to find. They get snatched up
really quickly. One day of thrifting, I found
5 at 3 different places.
Bought every fucking fucking
one
I found. That's why you can never find
them when you'll go thrifting, because people like
me come in, we buy them all. Yeah.
And that was fun. I was like, oh,
there's the dopamine hit. We can do this
work. Right.
Of
course, then I had, we had a thrifting
experience where
everybody
had blinders on, and so they forgot that
people exist beyond their personal space and were
just awful. And I was like, somebody get
me out of here. Can I be on
a deserted island by myself right now?
But yeah. I mean,
exploring
new ish things. Oh, this has nothing to
do with what we were just talking about,
but I I felt the back of my
neck.
My brain jumped to that was a dominant
thing he did.
Okay. Podcast listeners, you cannot see this, My
hair is slowly, slowly, slowly
being long enough I can pull it back
in a ponytail.
I'm in that very awkward phase of growing
up my hair. Also, I have not been
willing or been able to spend money on
haircut. Like, I'm just whatever. Right?
But now I'm able to pull it back
in a ponytail. And if you're a person
who's ever gone from short to longer hair,
you know, the growing part is awkward, especially
like back of your neck, maybe something that
used to be like shaved down a little
bit.
Pull my hair up. I didn't even realize
it. The other day, I pull it back
and back of my neck must have looked
rough.
Because JB, knowing what he is allowed to
do with me and to me, said
told me today,
when we were we had to go run
errands this morning. He goes, when we get
home,
meet me in the garage.
I'll I'm bringing my clippers. And I went,
what the fuck? What?
He had decided.
Whatever crazy
outgrowth is happening on the back of my
neck, that shit had to go. He told
me he said, I could not let you
go out looking crazy again. I we had
to fix it. And I'm over here going,
that is the sweetest but kind of meanest
thing I've heard. And you
sweetest but kind of meanest thing I've heard?
And you just took charge and made it
happen. Oh, my gosh. I love this.
JV of 6 months ago
would have said might have said something.
But then would have would have said remind
me. Maybe I'll do that if you tell
me.
JB at 2025
went, we're fixing that shit today. You look
you look crazy. I can't let I can't
let you go out like that. I I
looked at it as,
you know, the same way that hopefully
you wouldn't let me Right. Go out if
I had, like, toilet paper hanging off my
you know, somewhere or, you know,
something.
So Yeah. No. And and I wouldn't. And
I wouldn't. I think for me, it's refreshing
because
you
saw it. Did something like, it was it
was dom energy, but it wasn't strict stern
dom energy. It was, like, it was
nurturing caregiver dom energy.
And I cannot tell you the last time
I felt that directed at me with high
beams on. Like, you directed it at me,
but not
Yeah. Not with an intensity,
you know. Yeah.
So Well, you know, that that's all part
of,
you know,
wanting to be more mindful of the things
that I'm doing Mhmm. In regards to our
power exchange. Yeah. Everything really, but power exchange.
Right. As it relates to conversations like this,
power exchange. And just our relationship in general.
Mhmm. Because our relationship
could we can we be together without the
power exchange? Yes. Mhmm. But who we are
as we understand ourselves today,
the power exchange
is, like, a necessary layer. Mhmm. It is
the peanut butter in the peanut butter and
jelly sandwich. Okay? You can't have
it, us, this, without that. Yeah.
If we had to undo life to not
have the power exchange, well, now it's gonna
probably be a turkey sandwich on rye. It's
a whole completely different thing.
All new ingredients.
I am killing it at a figurative language
today, I'm sure.
So
I actually don't think I do. So but
I'll ask you. Do you have
any goals, things that you want to
accomplish,
whether it's in 2025 or just future with
regards to our power exchange?
I would like to see us
maybe
kind of break some boundaries
or
or not break boundaries in in in a
bad way.
Mhmm.
You know, but Stretch boundaries? Stretch them. Tries
try different things. Maybe soft limits can go
to Yeah.
On the table Right. No limits kind of
thing? Yeah.
Okay.
Look. The most submissive thing I know how
to do is to go,
okay.
Minimal effort. Maximal anxiety, but minimal effort. Yeah.
Now I I'm I'm saying this because I
believe it kinda goes hand in hand a
little bit,
but after
our our break where,
you know, we actually took time to be
with each other and and and, you know,
go out and do some things.
Have sex, lots of sex, all my kinky.
That too.
But no. I I realized that
neither one of us I mean, even even
when I was going to munches, though, I
mean, yeah, I was getting out of the
house,
but
you and I were not doing
things
outside of this. Right. Not together. Yeah. Yeah.
Mhmm. And, you know,
I I think that
all goes hand in hand
with the relationship, with the power change, with
which every everything that we are.
And I think we need to have a
little bit more of that time Yes. I
think away. And and that is something that
I definitely want to
I think that we are now finally back
at a point where we might have the
luxury to do that. True. True. Because for
a while, it was a
luxury to do that. True. True. Because for
a while, it was it was not an
option to try to do that. And then
slowly, we've gotten creative. We found new ways
of doing things, but we we and that
is becoming more of an option. Correct.
I this was true before dumpster
it continues to be true. It's probably just
even more solidified
into into my DNA.
I do better
doing things
when I'm with you.
You are my emotional support human Yep. And
my emotional support daddy. So,
I'm still not great with big crowds. I'm
still not good with social stuff, but
to get out of the house, like, they're
for a while, we had a time where
I didn't even hardly felt like I could
leave. There was just some shit going on.
And now we're not that's,
that's old
stuff now. Yeah. Right. Now it's things have
changed and things are better. Mhmm. I still
don't wanna go too damn many places. But
if I'm going anywhere, I'm only going with
you. You know? Pretty much. Yeah. Pretty much.
Beyond the, like, being a mom and taking
your kid to an appointment, like, not that
kind of shit. But, like, you wanna go
to a store? You wanna go
to
this or that?
I need my emotional support, daddy dom. I'm
sorry.
And, yeah, I I feel like we're at
a point, not just that we can do
those things, but that we want to. Because
I'm fairly certain there were points over the
past few years we could have. Mhmm. We
just did not have the energy to even
think about what we could go do, what
we might wanna do, how we wanna get
it done. Now with some of the pressure
and stress, it hasn't gone away completely, but
it's lifted. Lessened. Right. Yes. Like, that's just
cleared up space in my brain to actually
think thoughts again and think creatively
again. To think, oh, here's a way we
could do this that we don't normally do
it. Whereas before, I felt so weighed down.
I mean, I was just like, I could
barely see,
you know, a few inches in front of
my face to just do what I'd been
doing.
And that makes a big difference. You know?
For anybody else who who might be,
you know,
who might
be sort of resonating with the dumpster fire
life for a few years thing,
you know,
You're not doing power exchange wrong or kink
wrong if you can't,
you know, think of
amazing new things you wanna do with a
partner or change your entire power exchange.
We
2021 through
2024
were some rough fucking years. Okay? And I'm
not saying they won't be rough in the
future. We're currently
in this space
where it is way less rough. Yeah. And
we have hope again. Mhmm. And so now
we can do things we just did not
have the energy for before. We were just
surviving
Yeah. Before.
And
the
the thing that helped our power exchange survive
it was the fact that we had put
routines in place
that could go on autopilot, that did not
require a lot of
Effort or Right. Or, you know, deep thoughts.
Exactly. It did mean that our power exchange
stagnated. Like, it just stayed in place like
a bug in amber. Yeah. Yes. It was
just Yeah. It was just stuck there. It
couldn't get better. It couldn't didn't get worse.
Thank god. And now,
heavens have opened. Angel choir is singing. I
don't even know. Whatever. But you know what
I mean? Like, it's
it's a brand new day, and there's hope
again. There's optimism again.
My thing to anybody else who might be
going through something that feels similar
is that it won't always be this way.
It'll when it gets, air quote, better, it'll
probably be a new and different life that
you won't even recognize anymore because that can
happen too. But whatever
shit and awful hard thing you're going through
now,
the feeling you have and the hard thing,
they don't last forever. They can last a
long fucking time.
They can last a long time. I got
all of it my feelings when I came
across somebody
online who, like, does a lot of stuff
online. Like, I think she's a comedian too,
but she shares her life through her videos
or whatever. And she was like, yeah. We've
been in a decade long
everything sucks period. And I was like, it
can last a decade.
Oh. It can last a decade. It can
last longer, but it never lasts forever. Yeah.
And so I will gift you some of
my eternal optimism
if you don't have any for yourself.
But yeah. Let if your power exchange needs
to go on autopilot for a while, that's
okay. That's okay. You're not failing at Power
Exchange.
But once you start seeing,
signs of hope again,
this kind of conversation and the conversations we
have privately, that's the thing I would recommend
for anybody is let let's get intentional about
shit. Let's talk about how you've been feeling.
6 months ago, I could not have probably
told JB,
hey. If you wanna turn me on, pull
my fucking hair, man.
Okay? I didn't say it like that the
first time, but he he knew the energy
I was bringing to that. I could've maybe
told him, but he'd have gone,
okay.
Right? Like that. And then ultimately, what that
would have done is probably made me feel
awful, because I'd have been like, well, I
told him. I did the the hard thing
we we tell everybody you gotta do. But
he wouldn't have been he wasn't in a
place to for that to mean as much
as it did
later Mhmm. When we started
at the same time in our own ways
Right.
Focusing on our power exchange again because we
could. Because it's
sometimes it's a fucking luxury to be able
to do stuff like that. Sometimes you're in
survival mode. Sometimes you're just in every other
part of life is on fire right now,
and I have to focus on that.
And then
sometimes you
you get to take the time to focus
on your fucking self and in the relationship
that you want and make the changes that
you need to make.
The reason we could do this now though
is we've never
not been open and honest with each other
about where we were
mentally, you know, emotionally.
And we've had all the opportunities over all
these years to talk about what we wish
we had, what what we recognize about our
own power exchange, and how we don't love
that. We want it to be better.
Acknowledging that
truth to me
makes a big difference because then nobody is
having to, like, climb through layers of, like,
shame or guilt about what you haven't said
over the past few years. We never pretended
that this was was the exact power exchange
we wanted. We knew things were lacking. We
knew what we had had before. Mhmm. But
we never, like, tried to just internalize that
feeling alone and
act like everything was fine to the other.
We were like, no. No. Let's talk about
about it. This sucks right now. Doesn't it?
Yes. It does suck right now. And so
we done. We could stay connected through the
socket, which made it way easier Yeah. To
connect when things started
to get a little easier. Right.
So
yeah.
So
is that, I feel like that's
I asked you about goals. I don't really
have goals. I just wanna, like, do shit
and see what happens. Mhmm. I wanna I
would like to get to the end of
the year and look back at what we
did this year and go, okay. What's different?
Right. What is something that's been rejuvenated? That
was another word of my word of the
year.
What is what is fundamentally different than what
we used to do? And and then assess
assessing go, okay. What worked? What didn't? What
do we wanna do in 2026?
Mhmm. But I don't have any, like, concrete
goals. Yeah. No. Plans. Plans and intentions. Yes.
Yes.
Yes. So
so so are we good on that aspect?
I guess so. Okay.
Just one thing I wanna talk about
real quick. Okay. And it's not a bonus
section thing? No. Okay. Okay.
It's a community thing.
I I saw some people bringing it up
in the
chat. YouTube
live chat. Yeah.
I'm not going to mention any names,
but,
there
has been a dungeon
in the Orlando area. I mean, I think
we could I think pretty much know. Well,
would yeah. The shed. The woodshed. And,
there had been
some problems that
Ongoing for years,
apparently. For years, apparently. And,
it it finally came to a head
recently.
There have been
over
about
a decade, from what I understand,
there have been,
accusations of consent
Violations.
And and, yes, at this at this point,
it it has finally come to a head.
Management
was involved.
And, unfortunately, when it it it's
in the upper level like that, it also
trickled down
to
dungeon monitors.
Yeah. People that you should be fucking safe
with when you go to the dungeon. Goddamn.
That that was my understanding of it.
You know,
over a decade, that's a long That's a
long time and time. A lot of people.
So, you know, the the Orlando community
is is
reeling
right now.
You know, Rara mentioned it about,
you know, this this stuff going on in
PhET, and we've we've been keeping up with
it. Yeah.
We we
have finally kind of gotten some information. What
we were seeing was like a bit here,
a bit there, and we're like, okay. Something's
going down. It sounds like what happened a
couple years ago, but where's main information? And
then Rah Rah in in the loving BDSM
Discord shared a link of here. Here's where
somebody's compiling all of the stuff. Right. And
it it's a it's a lot. I haven't
even gone through all of it yet. Mhmm.
But,
yeah. So
You know, and, there's there's even
a number of,
apparently, a number of, past
dungeon monitors that have come forward,
that over the years they have left.
Yes. Some people, we were like, oh, I
thought you'd be here forever. You were like
Right. We we were in the community. We
were we were very close with them. They
they were very, you know, enmeshed in the
community there. They were educators themselves. Mhmm. You
know? And,
yeah, they, they, they left just, you know,
they, they were done. They, they could not
continue, you know, with the things that were
going on.
So,
yes. Every everything has come to a head,
and for now, yes, the the shed is
closed. Mhmm. My understanding is it's supposed to
be getting new new ownership? I I had
read something that,
there's already
new owners. Okay.
That it will be opening,
but I I think my understanding that is
right now at this point in time, that
is not the focus. The focus is
on helping
people who are victims of these consent violations
and and the community healing. Yeah.
You know, that and and that's something that's
not gonna happen overnight. Mm-mm.
You know,
I'm I'm very happy to see the Orlando
Munch
has has stepped up, and and they have
put out resources for people. Okay.
You know, so
it it's it's sad. Mhmm. It it's it's
very, very sad. You know?
I I had actually heard some rumblings
years ago, and I I just kinda, like,
you know
no. That can't be that that
doesn't that doesn't sound right from from what
I've seen, but, apparently,
yes. It it had been going on for
a while. Yeah. But
the I had I've always been in the
dark about stuff like that because I'm not
usually paying attention. But what was that? A
couple years ago, things blew up, and there
were promises to do better,
And clearly, that did not happen, and now
and I'm sure there's been many things in
between just because
I saw one thing one time. And that's,
I think, why this is finally just
come to a head and, like, things just
cannot continue as they have been. Right. Right.
No idea what that's gonna look like in
the future. Mhmm.
We are not heavily involved with that community,
but, you know, our we are thinking about
the folks who
have been harmed and Right. Had a community
they felt they could trust and don't right
now. Yeah.
So Mhmm. Yeah. But for anybody who's like,
you're in Florida. Don't you know? We are
aware. We are so far on the outskirts.
This is not our story. We are just
able to kinda look in and go, oh,
that was all fucking awful. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.
So Yeah. And and on a little bit
of a lighter note,
another club that I've talked about a lot
in the past that we've attended This is
the very first dungeon I ever got to
go. The the Phoenix Club. Mhmm. They are
under new ownership,
my understanding of what I've seen. What's your
name?
Deviant.
Okay. Yeah. Or Deviant or Deviants.
Okay.
Can't but yeah. They they've got a whole
new name and,
yeah. Maybe one day we'll get to go
back there and see see what it's like.
Yeah. I mean, since we since I have
even been aware of the Phoenix Club and
had gone to it, they had changed ownership
a couple of times
because unless it's your career running a dungeon,
especially a successful one, can I mean, that's
a lot of late nights on your weekends?
Yeah. That's a lot of night work. Yeah.
And we had known people who,
for the phoenix who had
owned it, and then they went, we just
can't do this anymore, and then sold it
to them. But, yeah, this is Yeah. To
since I've been aware that the Phoenix Club
existed, this is the first name change that
I'm First name since they opened, they have
been They've always been the Phoenix. Always been
the Phoenix.
So, yeah, the the name change now, that
that's very different.
Since I've known the club, they've gone through
a lot of Yeah.
Changes
Yeah. And that's owners. And that and, you
know, you're right.
You know, one
I I was fairly good friends with owners
years ago. I used to
and,
yeah. You you pretty much give up your
life,
you know, because every weekend,
you know, a lot of times during
the weeks they would host
lunch Mhmm. At times.
You know, and they they'd have other functions.
So, you know, it it just goes on
and it it, you know
Yeah. And then you've got to deal with
the bureaucracy of wherever the hell you live
and potential liability.
Like,
we, I think, for 5 seconds, flirted with
maybe one day having a dungeon and
just a tiny bit, we looked into it
and went, yeah. No. Yeah. No. Yeah. We
are not built for that.
Mhmm. Mhmm. No. But yeah. So So yeah.
There there's a there there's a lot of,
changes in the in the community here in
Florida. Some good, some not so good.
Clearly, some needed. Yeah. Some.
Mhmm. Yield something better going forward. Right.
So yeah. Anyway, I just wanted to,
talk about that a little bit. Yeah.
So,
On that note. Are we good?
We are sorry to bring the room down
with Yeah. That reality. But, yeah, I guess
we're we're good and can talk about our
snoring dog Yeah. Who sounds like she just
worked a double. Or she did. Mhmm. Mhmm.
K. Alright.
Keith, Keith, y'all. And we'll see you next
week.
Dottie.
Yes. Can we talk to the crackheads?
Yes.
And then I'm gonna hold you back. Oh,
oh, the the only thing I could think
about is the Lola update because it happened
fast fast fast.
She's going for eye surgery on Thursday. For
livestream folks, that's day after. For podcast folks,
it's day before. Day before. Yeah. But, yeah,
she we talked about it several weeks ago
about her eyelashes curl in, and that's what
causes problems with her eyes, blah blah blah.
And so we started we were we realized
Monday? Is it just been Monday? Mhmm.
No. Or it was Tuesday. It was yesterday.
We realized, oh, we can schedule her surgery
now. Right. So we call the vet and
we're thinking, oh, it's a couple weeks out.
I'll be putting her on the books for
February.
No. They're like, we can get her in
on Thursday's schedule. And I was like,
doesn't she have to do pre op stuff?
They're like, oh, yeah. You can come in
today and do that. It's
happening
very fast,
which is fine, which is fine. The sooner
we can get her the surgery, the sooner
her eyes hopefully won't bother her. Yeah. But
it is gonna be 2 weeks of a
cone. 2 weeks of the cone for her
and and she has to wear it until
apparently, they're not using
dissolving stitches. Oh, okay. They're using kind of
they they will have to be we have
to bring her in to have them taken
out.
Yeah. So but, yeah. We're getting that scheduled.
This all started in July with her. Yeah.
I mean, it's been a lifelong thing for
her. Yeah. But it The effects were starting
to show up. The effects were starting to
get more severe, and
the medication
that I've been using, it helps, but it
does it's not gonna Right. You know, make
it totally go away. As soon as I
stop giving her the medication, it it flares
back up again. So,
yeah, this this is gonna be it's
I don't know if she's still gonna love
us after this. She is gonna be so
mad. She don't like going to the vet
anyway. No. Okay? No.
The her blood work was a 10 minute
max appointment
on Tuesday.
Yeah. She
was very annoyed with us. Mhmm. Well, we
tried to get her in, tried to get
her on the scale, tried to get her
in the room. Ironically, when it was time
to leave, then she didn't wanna leave, and
she wanted to go explore
every room in the building. Right. I was
like, what is happening here? But see, normally
nor and I've I've
am I anthropomorphizing?
Of course. But my sneaking suspicion is she
thought that was gonna be a bad one,
and it wasn't a bad one, and she
was fine.
Thursday, we drop her off at 8 AM,
and they're like, yeah. It'll probably be after
3 before you can pick her up.
So we just are taking her to the
bad place
for the whole day. Yep. I mean, I'm
hoping that she's, like, real drugged up
from the anesthesia and the pain meds, and
so she does not give a fuck. Yeah.
I do wonder, are we gonna need to
bring the wagon? Because Right. She does not
feel like walking.
We are not gonna be able to carry
her. No.
No.
But, yeah, she does not know what's coming.
Nope. She is She doesn't have a clue.
So mad at us.
Yeah. Yeah. So
just real quick, bad cat asked where the,
where the Phoenix Club is. That's in Largo
in Pinellas County on the West Coast, just,
Tampa Bay area. Tampa Bay area. Yeah.
Yeah. Excuse me. So yeah. She's she's got
that coming. That that it threw us off
of how fast it was. It was like
that that was super fast. Okay. Yeah.
She's, she's she's very funny.
She over time, she has learned,
what the eye drop bottle is. Uh-huh.
Few times now, she's seen me pick it
up,
and what she will do, she sees me
pick it up. She runs for her crate,
and she goes into the very far back
corner and buries her head. Oh my gosh.
Yeah. Oh my gosh. So, I have to
be slick about
getting the bottle, not let her see me
pick it up. Yeah.
But right now, she doesn't have a care
in the world as scoring, like, only,
a dog her size and a pity can
do. Right. I mean, truly, like, we have
worked her hard Yeah.
With no breaks.
Yeah. She's out like a damn light. Yes.
She is.
So
But,
yeah. Other than that, you know, she's she's
doing good. Mhmm. Mhmm. Onyx and Ella. Onyx
and Ella are Onyx and Ella. Yeah. But
they are slowly,
so slowly,
inch by inch,
moving closer to sitting next to one another
on our bed. So Yeah. The way it
typically works is
2 pillows on the bed. Mhmm. One cat
is on 1, one cat is on the
other. It used to be Onyx on JB's
pillow, Ella on mine. And then one day,
Ella went fuck that shit. And they flipped.
And Onyx, I guess, decided not to fight
her on it. Onyx will fight Ella. And
when I say fight, I don't mean, like,
the scary cat fights where, like, oh, shit.
We we need to, like, take somebody to
the vet now. But, like, she'll bat at
her. Like, bitch, get out of my spot.
No. Mhmm. Ella said I wanna be here,
and Onyx went, fuck it. Okay.
So for a couple weeks, it's it's swapped.
Right? Onyx was on my pillow. Ella was
on JB's pillow. And then what was it?
Today?
Mhmm. So they've been slowly
gravitating closer to one another, inching towards the
middle of those pillows. Yeah. Until today,
they were on the same pillow together. There
was still a few inches of space, though.
I'm expecting fucking cuddling with the elf. Okay?
But they were in the same vicinity. Yep.
It's happening. I has it taken us 4
years to get here? 5 years to get
here? 4 years? But see Whatever. Mhmm. You
know, you you talk about how how Onyx
conceded the pillow. Mhmm.
The one thing that she will still will
not after all this time,
and I don't think that will ever change,
she will not let
Ella in the closet. Oh, that is her
yeah. That's her sacred safe space. That is
where she goes when she is terrified. That
that's her fortress of solitude. Yep. Yep. Nobody's
allowed. She didn't really like us being in
there. No.
Nope. Mm-mm. So yeah. I
don't think that will ever change Oh my
gosh. Her with that closet, but
Oh, we can report a semi update on
the flooded kitchen that we had several weeks
ago. Our insurance company did say, yes. That's
a covered claim.
And then we learn neither of us has
ever filed a home insurance plan before. We
are learning all of this as we go,
and I've had to Google shit. Well, here's
what here's what. If you don't know, I'll
I'll help you know because I didn't know.
They don't and I knew they wouldn't just
send us the money because then you could
spend it on whatever the fuck you wanted,
and they don't want you to do that
either.
So they send you a check with homeowners
names on it, that's both of us, and
your mortgage company on it. Yeah. And so
everybody has to endorse it, and then the
mortgage company gets to decide how the money
is dispersed. And
ours, I don't know if ours is making
it complicated or if this is what others
do, but it's gonna be a long process
now. It's not just a, hey, hire a
contractor,
you know, get a quote, have them start
working.
Personally, I would just prefer if we hired
them
and everybody agreed to them, and then the
fucking insurance company just fucking paid them. To
me, that'd be the simplest thing. I know.
That is not what is happening. Nope. I'm
still not a 100% sure what is happening.
But Insane.
Well, I guess we'll find out. Eventually, we'll
have a new kitchen floor, though. Yeah.
So there's that. That and I do not
know what that is gonna do to recording
shit. I have no fucking clue. Yeah. But
our next now now that we're past the
holidays, the next project is to start getting
quotes so we can figure out
who
we, wanna work with Mhmm. That will accept
that this is a home insurance thing and
it's going to be jacked up and slow.
Right. Can you be patient with
it? Mhmm.
So yeah. So that'll be happening. Mhmm.
Is there any other home stuff going on?
I I kept thinking there was something that
was gonna happen that was probably gonna affect
recording, and maybe I'm just thinking of the
floors.
Maybe that's all that
I'm joining. I didn't think of really happening.
Yeah.
So yeah.
Those are there's some life updates. The kids
are good. Mhmm.
The youngest is doing just fine. The oldest
is,
he took some a few months off from
working to get through, fall semester.
He's going back to work because his spring
semester is a little lighter.
It looks like and I hate to say
this. I am a proud band mom. I
will go to all the concerts, but there
is a possibility
we will have
fewer concerts to go to in spring semester.
And it will, the concerts we do go
to will be the
the ensembles that we really like to listen
to.
And I I feel bad about being excited
about.
But
so yeah.
So yeah. That's that's us. Mhmm. And we're
back. Yeah. Here we are. Here we are.
In our chairs. Yep. Doing our thing. Doing
our thing. Did it only take us 85
tries to get the mics fully functioning? Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. But it's fine. It's fine. It's
fine. We got here Yeah. Eventually.
So now I guess we're gonna go. Yep.
Okay. Okay.
Bye. Bye.