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You're listening to the Loving BDSM podcast episode

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421.

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Kayla Lourdes here with the 1, the only

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you were a little grumpy earlier, but you

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seem fine now. Were you hangry, John Brownstone?

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Yeah. I was a little bit. It's because

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the muffin you had this morning

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didn't fill you up, did it? Well, it

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did.

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Briefly. The muffin and I made a,

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homemade protein orange Julius.

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True. So but all is good now. You

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were still hangry is all I'm saying. You

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were cranky. Anyway, this is what we're here

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to talk about.

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Although cranky doms is a thing that happens

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during the holidays, I just wanna point that

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out to you. I I am grumpy polar

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bear. I'm living up to my moniker. So

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You are. You are. Yeah. This week, we're

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gonna talk about navigating your power exchange during

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the

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holidays. Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If

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this is your first time listening, glad to

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have you. If you're back for another week,

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welcome back. Loving BDSM is produced every Monday

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Friday for your kinky pleasure and education, and

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show notes are found at lovingbdsm.net.

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Come back often and feel free to add

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the podcast to your favorite podcast app. You

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can also follow the show on Fetlife at

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loving BDSM

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PC

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on Instagram and technically threads at that handle

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I will forever fucking hate, loving d s

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and the number 1. So it's at loving

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d s one. And, yes, I will continue

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to be salty about it. Or on YouTube

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at youtube.com/loving

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BDSM, where you can watch us live from

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the podcast every Wednesday. All links are in

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the show notes. A big thanks as always

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to our patrons over on Patreon, including our

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newest peeps. We are able to keep being

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weirdos on the Internet, in large part because

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of our kinky patrons, and we are grateful

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for every fucking one of you. If you'd

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like to join our kinky community and get

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access to extra content and a discord server

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with a group of super chill kinksters, you

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can do that. Join us at patreon.com/kayla

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lords. That's patreon.com/kayla

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lords or use the link in the show

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notes. Okay.

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So

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before we get into

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our topic, I do have I thought I

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didn't have an announcement. Like, I'm I'm typing

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up the outline for today and I'm like,

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announcements.

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NA does not apply. And then I went,

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oh, yeah.

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So I've been influenced twice.

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1st by,

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Rah Rah of the Pink King podcast,

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who multiple times was like, hey. Do this

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thing. And I kept going, no. No. No.

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And then Hank Green, who can influence me

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to do almost anything. I almost bought some

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socks and some soap is

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And that is we're on Blue Sky. Mhmm.

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Both loving BDSM

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and the Kinkery on Blue Sky.

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If you're on Blue Sky and you just

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search us up like that, we'll come right

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up.

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JB made

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a Blue Sky account Yep. John Brownstone, which

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made me go, oh, fuck. Okay. I'll go

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get my name

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so that nobody else can get my name.

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And so also, Kayla Lords, I don't know

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what I don't have any plans to talk

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about anything at this point because

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I just don't even know how to do

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that anymore. But on loving BDSM and the

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kinkery,

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got, you know, gonna post stuff. Try to,

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anyway. So

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yeah.

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Yeah. Mhmm.

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And I just realized now I could have

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put the links in the places for podcast

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listeners by the time you hear this. I

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will have put the links in the places

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for YouTube folk. Just give me a minute.

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So, yeah, we're on Blue Sky. I haven't

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posted to Twitter

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for loving BDSM in

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probably a couple of years.

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And I was posting to Twitter

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no. I will never call it x. It's

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Twitter. Give me a break. I was posting

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to Twitter for the kinkery from the time

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we opened the kinkery, and for a while

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we were growing. Mhmm. And then when, like,

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Twitter started started being

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worse than it's ever been Stupid.

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I

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was consistently posting,

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but follower count was going down before. Not

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because we sucked. I mean, maybe somebody thinks

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we do, but not for that. But because

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people were leaving the platform. Mhmm. And I'm

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like, I literally cannot grow here, and I

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don't wanna pay

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for the possibility of being able to grow.

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Like, if I'm getting enough back from a

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platform, I don't mind paying for the services,

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but

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Twitter has never been that. So for me

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anyway. So I was like, I just so

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the kinkery is no longer posting to Twitter.

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It still exists. All of the accounts still

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exist because I'm gonna keep our names so

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nobody can just take our names and pretend

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to be us. Not that I think they

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would, but weird shit happens.

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But, yeah, Rob, I've said it multiple times

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in live streams. Hey. Sign up. Sign up.

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I was like,

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meh. And then Hank Green did, like, a

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deep dive on, like,

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stuff that's, like, content creator oriented, and I

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was like, okay.

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Hank Green, you influenced me yet again. So

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we're on blue sky. There we go. Okay.

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So, this week's topic,

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is one that I feel like should have

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been

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our pre Thanksgiving episode, but it did not

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occur to me. Pre Thanksgiving.

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Sorry.

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So if you're if you celebrate Thanksgiving and

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you have this, you know, next year you'll

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be celebrating Thanksgiving and hopefully in a power

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exchange relationship,

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let some of this stuff will apply too.

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But

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so

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we're gonna talk about

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dealing with the holidays while you're in a

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power exchange.

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And I think most of this is probably

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relatable

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regardless of the holiday you celebrate.

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If there's visiting family involved, changes to schedules,

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stress, and or gift giving involved, I

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regardless. So there's that.

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And we will not touch on every possible

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thing that you might have to deal with.

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We're we're we're going with 3 big topics.

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So, you know, if you think of other

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things, feel free to comment and talk to

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us in the places.

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But just know

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we we can't touch touch everything because we're

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not that good.

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So the 3 things we are gonna talk

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about, just to give you, like, a high

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level overview, gift giving. Yes. Your power exchange

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can impact gift giving.

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Spending time with family

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and friends, but the non kinky part of

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your life, and then just

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stress during the holidays, getting stuff done, decorating

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the house, having, like, holiday work parties, whatever.

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Like, the stuff that throws everything

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out of whack, that kind of stuff.

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So

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we'll start with first of all, let me

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stop because I've just blah blah blah blah

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like I do.

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Top high level before we get into the

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different ways of dealing with the holidays

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in a power exchange.

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Anything you would add high level,

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like holidays, power exchange.

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Not not on top of Okay.

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That's yeah. That's just Don't let anybody say

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I don't give him the opportunity to speak,

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y'all. I don't, but I do try to

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remember. Yep. Anyway, so let's start with gift

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giving. Mhmm.

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Now this is gonna hit every power exchange

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differently.

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The reason it comes to my mind is

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because the in my

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first and only

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power exchange prior to meeting John Brownstone,

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my dom in that relationship had very

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clear

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boundaries

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around gift giving. He was like and this

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wasn't just like, in our case, the Christmas.

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It was anything where a gift could have

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been given. It's like, I do not like

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surprises. I do not like to get something

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I did not personally pick out. Do not.

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I mean, I I think we had gotten

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into like a conversation or maybe I had

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asked or maybe he just said it. I

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don't know. And I was like, oh, oh,

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okay. Good to know.

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In my head I was like, I'm a

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broke single mom. You probably weren't getting nothing,

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but okay. At least we're clear. But it

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let me know when I met you to

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ask the question. So if you're a submissive

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and this is like y'all's first holiday together,

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first gift giving situation together, and you don't

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know,

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it's worth

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asking. I asked JB,

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literally years ago now, how are you about

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gifts? Can I surprise you with stuff? What

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what would you prefer?

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And I think that's a good conversation to

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have, you know, across the slash, either side

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of the slash. But as a submissive who

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wants to do what my dom wants me

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to do and be the best little, you

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know, sassy baby girl I know how to

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be, I wanna give him stuff the way

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he wants it. And if he was the

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type who's like, I got control issues. Do

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not surprise me.

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That's an important thing to know. Mhmm.

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And there have been times this is about

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surprises in general, I think. There have been

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not just gifts, where I've been like, I

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have this thing I would like to keep

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a surprise from you.

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Are you okay with me keeping a secret

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from you until I can surprise you with

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it? Or do you just wanna know? And

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here's what's funny.

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Daddy Dom JB is usually very laid back,

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and he's like, no. No. No. I can

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wait. This will be fun. I don't like

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to be surprised. It also gives him the

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opportunity to tease me until I finally tell

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him. But sometimes, and it's really rare, he

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goes, no. I I don't have the bandwidth.

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Just I don't wanna wait. Just tell me.

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And he does it in, like, his sort

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of dumb voice. I'm like, that was exciting.

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I don't get to surprise you, but this

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was a moment that we get to have.

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So that's that's why gift giving, like, comes

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to mind. What do you think about

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gift giving, holidays,

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power exchange?

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Wonderful.

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Stop. What about from your perspective, getting your

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your submissive gift, how do you think about

267
00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:26,054
that as power exchange? Not just like As

268
00:09:26,054 --> 00:09:27,894
power exchange? And not the man not just

269
00:09:27,894 --> 00:09:29,195
the man who loves me.

270
00:09:30,054 --> 00:09:31,834
Oh. Mhmm. Loaded.

271
00:09:32,134 --> 00:09:33,195
Yes. It is.

272
00:09:35,815 --> 00:09:37,414
I, you know, I don't know. I I

273
00:09:37,414 --> 00:09:39,419
don't see for for myself, I don't see

274
00:09:39,419 --> 00:09:40,799
a separation between,

275
00:09:41,740 --> 00:09:44,139
you know, like, the power change and and

276
00:09:44,139 --> 00:09:46,139
regular part of life because we're so enmeshed

277
00:09:46,139 --> 00:09:47,200
in our power exchange.

278
00:09:47,659 --> 00:09:48,799
It just is.

279
00:09:51,179 --> 00:09:51,975
True. True.

280
00:09:52,534 --> 00:09:54,694
So, you know, I I don't even really

281
00:09:54,694 --> 00:09:57,014
think of it in in, you know, terms

282
00:09:57,014 --> 00:09:59,574
of 1 or the other. Oh, okay. So

283
00:09:59,574 --> 00:10:02,554
just gift giving in power exchange. Mhmm.

284
00:10:02,934 --> 00:10:04,615
Where are you at? What what advice? What

285
00:10:04,615 --> 00:10:06,309
things have you learned? Are there things that

286
00:10:06,309 --> 00:10:09,529
you've learned over all these years of Absolutely.

287
00:10:09,990 --> 00:10:10,490
Okay.

288
00:10:11,269 --> 00:10:12,889
Would you please share that with

289
00:10:14,309 --> 00:10:17,589
you know, anybody who says your dom can't

290
00:10:17,589 --> 00:10:20,970
be bratty has never met a bratty dom.

291
00:10:21,965 --> 00:10:24,125
And they will try your damn patience, and

292
00:10:24,125 --> 00:10:25,504
I think that's called payback.

293
00:10:28,285 --> 00:10:29,585
Okay, bratty daddy.

294
00:10:31,404 --> 00:10:32,544
I've I've found

295
00:10:33,165 --> 00:10:34,544
with you the best way

296
00:10:35,679 --> 00:10:38,159
to, go about gift giving is I just

297
00:10:38,159 --> 00:10:39,299
watch you and listen.

298
00:10:40,080 --> 00:10:41,779
I love that. That that

299
00:10:42,080 --> 00:10:44,240
getting gifts because I've happened to have mentioned

300
00:10:44,240 --> 00:10:46,799
something, and my partner gives a fuck enough

301
00:10:46,799 --> 00:10:49,325
about me to pay attention and take notes,

302
00:10:49,325 --> 00:10:51,404
put reminders, like, whatever, like, tricks you have

303
00:10:51,404 --> 00:10:52,304
to use for your memory,

304
00:10:52,764 --> 00:10:54,684
that's my fucking love length. I I refuse

305
00:10:54,684 --> 00:10:55,585
to be a Clare.

306
00:10:55,965 --> 00:10:57,965
Oh, God. From Modern Family, if you don't

307
00:10:57,965 --> 00:10:58,865
get their reference.

308
00:10:59,725 --> 00:11:02,524
Clare was awful at giving gifts. I refuse

309
00:11:02,524 --> 00:11:04,460
to be Claire. But, yeah, that that's that's

310
00:11:04,460 --> 00:11:06,139
what I do. I I just, you know,

311
00:11:08,139 --> 00:11:09,919
I am I'm connected to your,

312
00:11:10,539 --> 00:11:13,100
wish list On Amazon. On Amazon. So I,

313
00:11:13,100 --> 00:11:14,379
you know, I can always have that to

314
00:11:14,379 --> 00:11:16,431
peruse. Yeah. You get a notification whenever I

315
00:11:16,431 --> 00:11:17,144
add something to it. Add something,

316
00:11:18,325 --> 00:11:18,735
I get a notification, like, oh. Well, here's

317
00:11:18,735 --> 00:11:19,503
what's funny. Last year, I realized we've oh,

318
00:11:19,503 --> 00:11:20,485
we were gonna exchange gifts. And then I

319
00:11:20,485 --> 00:11:22,245
went, he hasn't asked me, and I haven't

320
00:11:22,245 --> 00:11:24,245
thought about what I want. And then I

321
00:11:24,245 --> 00:11:26,085
went, wait. He pays attention to my Amazon

322
00:11:26,085 --> 00:11:27,465
wish list. And I went in

323
00:11:31,500 --> 00:11:33,259
and was like, boop boop boop. Here's the

324
00:11:33,259 --> 00:11:35,820
thing. And then lo and behold, I got

325
00:11:35,820 --> 00:11:36,960
what I asked for.

326
00:11:37,419 --> 00:11:38,480
It was very nice.

327
00:11:39,899 --> 00:11:41,919
You know, give out long term

328
00:11:42,379 --> 00:11:44,174
for us, and I this is not universal.

329
00:11:44,554 --> 00:11:46,634
So other people will have different experiences, of

330
00:11:46,634 --> 00:11:49,295
course. But we are at a point both

331
00:11:49,434 --> 00:11:52,235
stage in life and I think just stage

332
00:11:52,235 --> 00:11:53,134
of our relationship.

333
00:11:53,915 --> 00:11:55,054
We don't

334
00:11:55,434 --> 00:11:58,589
like, gift giving is nice. Mhmm. But we're,

335
00:11:58,589 --> 00:12:00,509
1, grown adults with our own money, and

336
00:12:00,509 --> 00:12:02,990
2, constantly communicating. So if one of us

337
00:12:02,990 --> 00:12:05,309
wants or needs something, if it's within our

338
00:12:05,309 --> 00:12:06,750
budget at any point in the year, we're

339
00:12:06,750 --> 00:12:08,450
just gonna get it. You know?

340
00:12:09,230 --> 00:12:10,990
Past few years have been more about needs

341
00:12:10,990 --> 00:12:12,129
than wants. Yeah.

342
00:12:12,545 --> 00:12:14,144
But the other thing is is, you know

343
00:12:14,305 --> 00:12:16,144
and I say this around Valentine's Day every

344
00:12:16,144 --> 00:12:16,805
year too.

345
00:12:17,184 --> 00:12:17,845
I don't

346
00:12:19,024 --> 00:12:19,524
see,

347
00:12:19,904 --> 00:12:21,985
for us, Christmas as a gift giving holiday

348
00:12:21,985 --> 00:12:23,745
is, like, the end all be all. Oh,

349
00:12:23,745 --> 00:12:26,144
no. If I don't get the perfect gift,

350
00:12:26,144 --> 00:12:28,829
a gift, whatever whatever, that says something about

351
00:12:28,829 --> 00:12:31,250
our the state of our relationship. Right? Because

352
00:12:32,269 --> 00:12:34,269
you are reminding me of how cared for

353
00:12:34,269 --> 00:12:35,950
I am, how cherished I am, how loved

354
00:12:35,950 --> 00:12:37,870
I am, and you're trying to get me

355
00:12:37,870 --> 00:12:39,789
or help me get or allow me to

356
00:12:39,789 --> 00:12:41,629
get the things I want and need throughout

357
00:12:41,629 --> 00:12:42,644
the year. So I don't

358
00:12:43,205 --> 00:12:45,445
doesn't all rest on this one day, this

359
00:12:45,445 --> 00:12:47,445
one True. That is very true. That is

360
00:12:47,445 --> 00:12:50,745
very true. Also, I am that annoying pragmatic

361
00:12:50,804 --> 00:12:53,285
person who's like, I would not be mad

362
00:12:53,285 --> 00:12:55,925
if my Christmas gift was a vacuum, if

363
00:12:55,925 --> 00:12:57,764
it was the vacuum I wanted and then

364
00:12:57,764 --> 00:12:58,139
said,

365
00:12:58,620 --> 00:13:00,620
hey. This is the one time we, like,

366
00:13:00,620 --> 00:13:02,860
let ourselves spend money. You can get me

367
00:13:02,860 --> 00:13:05,200
that thing for the house that I've wanted.

368
00:13:06,220 --> 00:13:09,100
But it's because I know that every other

369
00:13:09,100 --> 00:13:10,160
day of the year,

370
00:13:10,620 --> 00:13:11,759
you're gonna be

371
00:13:12,084 --> 00:13:14,404
taking care of me and trying to, like,

372
00:13:14,404 --> 00:13:15,764
make sure all my needs and wants are

373
00:13:15,764 --> 00:13:18,325
met within our power exchange and life. And,

374
00:13:18,325 --> 00:13:20,985
you know, so it doesn't all rest on

375
00:13:21,205 --> 00:13:24,184
this one day True. For this one gift.

376
00:13:24,485 --> 00:13:26,565
So I tend to be very blase about

377
00:13:26,565 --> 00:13:27,059
the gift

378
00:13:28,019 --> 00:13:30,679
giving. JB likes to be sneaky about it.

379
00:13:31,139 --> 00:13:32,519
And that, I think,

380
00:13:33,860 --> 00:13:36,440
again, not universal, but the inherent challenge

381
00:13:36,980 --> 00:13:39,059
in gift giving between a dom and a

382
00:13:39,059 --> 00:13:40,899
sub is that the dom has a lot

383
00:13:40,899 --> 00:13:42,978
of latitude and power to just kind of

384
00:13:42,978 --> 00:13:45,068
go do what they're gonna do within boundaries,

385
00:13:45,068 --> 00:13:47,157
of course, because they're in charge and they

386
00:13:47,157 --> 00:13:49,247
make these decisions. But if you are submissive

387
00:13:49,247 --> 00:13:51,336
in a power exchange where there's a lot

388
00:13:51,336 --> 00:13:53,426
of permission asking and getting the okay of

389
00:13:53,426 --> 00:13:55,970
and hey, don't surprise me or, you know,

390
00:13:55,970 --> 00:13:57,570
don't surprise me in an unwanted way or

391
00:13:57,570 --> 00:13:58,470
whatever whatever.

392
00:13:59,009 --> 00:14:00,769
It can be more like a, uh-oh, am

393
00:14:00,769 --> 00:14:03,809
I doing this right kind of thing. Now

394
00:14:03,809 --> 00:14:05,170
if you have if you're in a power

395
00:14:05,170 --> 00:14:06,850
exchange and that's never been your issue and

396
00:14:06,850 --> 00:14:09,444
that's never come across your mind or been

397
00:14:09,444 --> 00:14:11,845
a topic of conversation, that's great. I'm very

398
00:14:11,845 --> 00:14:13,845
happy for you. But some of us are

399
00:14:13,845 --> 00:14:16,245
like, oh, there as a submissive, there's in

400
00:14:16,245 --> 00:14:18,644
my mind a, quote, right way for our

401
00:14:18,644 --> 00:14:21,065
dynamic that I need to do this.

402
00:14:21,549 --> 00:14:23,870
We hammered it out real quick before our

403
00:14:23,870 --> 00:14:25,790
first ever gift giving anything because I was

404
00:14:25,790 --> 00:14:26,929
asking those questions.

405
00:14:27,309 --> 00:14:28,450
Because I had that

406
00:14:28,910 --> 00:14:30,610
experience prior to him.

407
00:14:31,070 --> 00:14:33,710
But yeah. There's it's hard to be, like,

408
00:14:33,710 --> 00:14:35,629
sneaky and to do you know, to surprise

409
00:14:35,629 --> 00:14:36,929
you because

410
00:14:38,004 --> 00:14:39,924
I one, I'm really bad at that. If

411
00:14:39,924 --> 00:14:41,524
I there's a thing I'm doing for you

412
00:14:41,524 --> 00:14:44,004
or have done for you and can't wait

413
00:14:44,004 --> 00:14:45,544
to, like, see your reaction,

414
00:14:46,245 --> 00:14:48,024
I am that person who's like,

415
00:14:48,325 --> 00:14:50,370
I got something for you, but I can't

416
00:14:50,529 --> 00:14:51,350
tell you.

417
00:14:51,889 --> 00:14:53,730
And and, you know, the funny the funny

418
00:14:53,730 --> 00:14:55,809
thing about it is if I really pushed

419
00:14:55,809 --> 00:14:56,309
it,

420
00:14:56,690 --> 00:14:58,289
I know I could break it. Break you.

421
00:14:58,289 --> 00:14:59,889
Yeah. Absolutely. I get it. Yeah. Well, in

422
00:14:59,889 --> 00:15:01,429
part for me, it's because

423
00:15:01,889 --> 00:15:03,570
at the core, I just wanna be a

424
00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:04,995
good girl. So if you were like, I

425
00:15:04,995 --> 00:15:06,674
know what you're trying to do, and I

426
00:15:06,674 --> 00:15:08,774
respect that you're trying to surprise me.

427
00:15:09,154 --> 00:15:10,914
But I'm your daddy, Dom, and I'm telling

428
00:15:10,914 --> 00:15:12,834
you, I want to know. You're gonna know.

429
00:15:12,834 --> 00:15:14,754
I'm a tell you. Because I'll be like,

430
00:15:14,754 --> 00:15:15,254
okay.

431
00:15:16,355 --> 00:15:19,235
This isn't about, you know, loving partners, you

432
00:15:19,235 --> 00:15:21,850
know, making other partner happy. This is submissive

433
00:15:21,850 --> 00:15:24,350
doing what Dom just said to please do.

434
00:15:25,370 --> 00:15:27,450
I know that I could push back against

435
00:15:27,450 --> 00:15:28,570
that if I was like, no. It's really

436
00:15:28,570 --> 00:15:30,090
important to me to try to surprise you,

437
00:15:30,090 --> 00:15:32,264
or it's really important for me to, you

438
00:15:32,264 --> 00:15:33,565
know, for you to open this

439
00:15:33,865 --> 00:15:35,625
on a special occasion or whatever. And I

440
00:15:35,625 --> 00:15:37,485
think you would depending on your mood.

441
00:15:38,264 --> 00:15:40,904
If you were cranky and hangry and grumpy

442
00:15:40,904 --> 00:15:43,965
polar bear, maybe not. But under normal circumstances,

443
00:15:44,105 --> 00:15:46,569
I think you'd go, okay. That's fair. Just

444
00:15:46,649 --> 00:15:49,529
you know, it's it's about explaining my reasoning

445
00:15:49,529 --> 00:15:51,289
to you. It's about clear communication. Y'all

446
00:15:52,169 --> 00:15:52,669
Mhmm.

447
00:15:53,209 --> 00:15:55,549
Yeah. So the thing is is

448
00:15:56,649 --> 00:15:58,029
like everything else

449
00:15:59,105 --> 00:16:02,084
that we bring with us into power exchange,

450
00:16:02,625 --> 00:16:05,605
our poor communication skills, our past relationship

451
00:16:06,144 --> 00:16:06,644
struggles,

452
00:16:08,225 --> 00:16:11,850
how you feel about gift giving is coming

453
00:16:11,850 --> 00:16:13,149
along with you. Right?

454
00:16:14,250 --> 00:16:16,750
And so it's not necessarily

455
00:16:17,210 --> 00:16:19,210
that big of a deal, but I think

456
00:16:19,210 --> 00:16:20,589
it's worth a conversation.

457
00:16:20,889 --> 00:16:24,029
Because just like everything else in your relationship,

458
00:16:24,809 --> 00:16:26,985
you want it to go in a way

459
00:16:27,125 --> 00:16:29,684
ideally that you're both comfortable with. And if

460
00:16:29,684 --> 00:16:32,245
you've if one partner is and I'm speaking

461
00:16:32,245 --> 00:16:34,804
as a cynthia, so especially Adam who is

462
00:16:34,804 --> 00:16:37,205
the one leading and has this final say

463
00:16:37,205 --> 00:16:39,125
and, you know, is the decider and however

464
00:16:39,125 --> 00:16:40,825
y'all do that. That's how we do it.

465
00:16:41,580 --> 00:16:44,220
I don't wanna do anything unintentionally that goes

466
00:16:44,220 --> 00:16:46,000
against that power dynamic

467
00:16:46,540 --> 00:16:48,080
even if it is in

468
00:16:49,980 --> 00:16:52,379
the name of doing something nice for you

469
00:16:52,379 --> 00:16:53,740
or making you happy. You know what I

470
00:16:53,740 --> 00:16:54,164
mean?

471
00:16:55,044 --> 00:16:56,904
So I don't think it's something to, like,

472
00:16:57,044 --> 00:16:58,804
for people to, like, big big stress out

473
00:16:58,804 --> 00:17:00,164
over, but I do think it's worth a

474
00:17:00,164 --> 00:17:02,424
conversation. If you've never done a gift giving

475
00:17:02,725 --> 00:17:05,044
moment before and this is your first one,

476
00:17:05,044 --> 00:17:06,664
go ahead and talk about it. Or

477
00:17:07,410 --> 00:17:10,130
if it's your first gift giving time in

478
00:17:10,130 --> 00:17:11,029
power exchange

479
00:17:11,330 --> 00:17:14,130
worth a conversation, or if it never seems

480
00:17:14,130 --> 00:17:15,730
to go right when you do gift giving,

481
00:17:15,730 --> 00:17:18,210
it's it's past time for conversation. Because, like,

482
00:17:18,210 --> 00:17:20,549
this is supposed to be gift giving times

483
00:17:20,850 --> 00:17:23,115
are meant to be a happy time. If

484
00:17:23,115 --> 00:17:25,115
you are not happy receiving or giving a

485
00:17:25,115 --> 00:17:27,914
gift, that's that's say something. Right? If you're

486
00:17:27,914 --> 00:17:29,674
like, I don't I don't want gifts. That's

487
00:17:29,674 --> 00:17:31,115
okay. You get to say something. You get

488
00:17:31,115 --> 00:17:32,315
to like, that's a boundary you get to

489
00:17:32,315 --> 00:17:33,695
have. Please don't give me a gift.

490
00:17:34,075 --> 00:17:36,740
If you're unhappy with the way gifting is

491
00:17:36,740 --> 00:17:38,440
done in your power exchange,

492
00:17:39,059 --> 00:17:40,279
that's worth a conversation.

493
00:17:41,220 --> 00:17:43,539
So, yeah, it's not like this big deep

494
00:17:43,539 --> 00:17:45,320
thing, but it is something to think about.

495
00:17:45,940 --> 00:17:47,724
Here's the bigger deeper thing. Mhmm. And we

496
00:17:47,724 --> 00:17:49,565
have talked about this before, and I have

497
00:17:49,565 --> 00:17:51,825
linked in the places to the,

498
00:17:52,845 --> 00:17:54,284
I don't know. It was a I think

499
00:17:54,284 --> 00:17:56,605
it was a a mini podcast episode slash

500
00:17:56,605 --> 00:17:57,105
video,

501
00:17:57,565 --> 00:17:59,565
and that's spending time with family. So we

502
00:17:59,565 --> 00:18:01,644
did a thing on, like, tips for, like,

503
00:18:01,644 --> 00:18:02,144
surviving

504
00:18:03,139 --> 00:18:04,679
the holidays with your non

505
00:18:05,139 --> 00:18:08,339
kink, your vanilla family and friends. But spending

506
00:18:08,339 --> 00:18:10,500
time with with family while you're in a

507
00:18:10,500 --> 00:18:13,700
power exchange during the holidays, and you're kinky

508
00:18:13,700 --> 00:18:15,380
and they're not, and do they know and

509
00:18:15,380 --> 00:18:17,285
do you want them to know? Mhmm. These

510
00:18:17,285 --> 00:18:19,605
are things you have to think about. Right.

511
00:18:19,605 --> 00:18:20,265
You know,

512
00:18:22,164 --> 00:18:24,085
you know, first, I I just want to

513
00:18:24,085 --> 00:18:24,904
say, you know,

514
00:18:25,605 --> 00:18:27,924
coming out or not wanting to come out

515
00:18:27,924 --> 00:18:29,789
about your kink life is a very personal

516
00:18:29,789 --> 00:18:30,289
thing.

517
00:18:30,909 --> 00:18:32,049
Yes. Absolutely.

518
00:18:32,349 --> 00:18:32,849
And,

519
00:18:33,309 --> 00:18:36,130
you know, in in some families, it it

520
00:18:36,429 --> 00:18:37,250
doesn't matter.

521
00:18:39,069 --> 00:18:41,149
And in some families, you know, I've heard

522
00:18:41,149 --> 00:18:41,730
of people,

523
00:18:42,734 --> 00:18:45,055
whether, you know, their immediate family knows, but

524
00:18:45,055 --> 00:18:47,295
some people in the family are not very

525
00:18:47,295 --> 00:18:50,494
kind about it. Right. You know. So those

526
00:18:50,494 --> 00:18:52,015
are all kinds of things you have to

527
00:18:52,015 --> 00:18:52,755
think about

528
00:18:53,535 --> 00:18:56,339
in that aspect. And it it's kind of

529
00:18:56,900 --> 00:18:59,460
ramped up during the holidays. Oh, yeah. There's

530
00:18:59,460 --> 00:19:01,380
all this pressure and there's all this Mhmm.

531
00:19:01,460 --> 00:19:03,460
Stuff going on and, you know, depending on

532
00:19:03,460 --> 00:19:05,380
which holiday you're celebrating. It's the most magical

533
00:19:05,380 --> 00:19:07,539
time of year. Is it I'm tired is

534
00:19:07,539 --> 00:19:09,380
what I am. Tired of broke. That's what

535
00:19:09,380 --> 00:19:10,919
I am at this time of year.

536
00:19:11,934 --> 00:19:13,875
That doesn't feel very magical.

537
00:19:15,215 --> 00:19:15,715
No.

538
00:19:18,255 --> 00:19:20,195
Just needs more work, but, you know

539
00:19:20,735 --> 00:19:22,515
Which, you know, eventually,

540
00:19:23,215 --> 00:19:24,894
we won't be like you know, the kids

541
00:19:24,894 --> 00:19:26,309
will be grown up and we'll be doing

542
00:19:26,309 --> 00:19:28,789
it quite the same. And, you know, it's

543
00:19:28,789 --> 00:19:31,690
it's kind of an awkward thing too because,

544
00:19:31,909 --> 00:19:33,130
you know, if family

545
00:19:33,589 --> 00:19:34,730
doesn't know anything,

546
00:19:35,109 --> 00:19:37,130
you know, then you kinda gotta

547
00:19:37,934 --> 00:19:39,534
think about, you know, what you can and

548
00:19:39,534 --> 00:19:41,294
can't do in front of them, you know,

549
00:19:41,294 --> 00:19:43,214
because then comes kind of the whole consent

550
00:19:43,214 --> 00:19:44,514
thing. I mean, you know,

551
00:19:46,014 --> 00:19:46,514
like

552
00:19:47,615 --> 00:19:50,194
with Kayla's family, you know, they're they know,

553
00:19:50,494 --> 00:19:52,194
but they don't wanna know any details.

554
00:19:52,559 --> 00:19:54,559
No. My aunt would love to know details,

555
00:19:54,559 --> 00:19:56,639
but I just keep reminding her she can't

556
00:19:56,639 --> 00:19:58,799
unknow it Right. Once she knows and that

557
00:19:58,799 --> 00:20:01,299
gets her to calm down. You know. And

558
00:20:02,639 --> 00:20:04,880
so, you know, in in that case, you

559
00:20:04,880 --> 00:20:06,639
know, you need to kind of watch and,

560
00:20:06,639 --> 00:20:08,664
you know, because it, you know, it does

561
00:20:08,664 --> 00:20:10,825
come down to a consent thing being around

562
00:20:10,825 --> 00:20:13,545
family. Absolutely. There's also the you need to

563
00:20:13,545 --> 00:20:15,945
think very deeply and very carefully and very

564
00:20:15,945 --> 00:20:18,424
clearly about what kind of awkward questions you

565
00:20:18,424 --> 00:20:20,904
feel like answering. Mhmm. Like, you know, I

566
00:20:20,904 --> 00:20:22,684
have like I said, my aunt

567
00:20:23,140 --> 00:20:23,619
would

568
00:20:24,099 --> 00:20:25,859
really doesn't wanna know, but she thinks she

569
00:20:25,859 --> 00:20:27,059
does, so she would let me tell her

570
00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:29,299
anything. My mother knows more than she ever

571
00:20:29,299 --> 00:20:31,619
wanted to know, and that's a whole saga

572
00:20:31,619 --> 00:20:32,119
that's

573
00:20:32,819 --> 00:20:36,184
that episode is, like, 300 episodes ago. It's

574
00:20:36,644 --> 00:20:37,144
fine.

575
00:20:37,845 --> 00:20:38,904
That was a moment.

576
00:20:40,484 --> 00:20:40,984
But,

577
00:20:41,444 --> 00:20:42,024
you know,

578
00:20:42,484 --> 00:20:44,585
I also part of the reason I

579
00:20:45,125 --> 00:20:47,044
don't share, even though they kind of have

580
00:20:47,044 --> 00:20:47,544
a

581
00:20:48,659 --> 00:20:49,480
top level

582
00:20:49,859 --> 00:20:52,019
sort of pseudo understanding is Mhmm. I don't

583
00:20:52,019 --> 00:20:53,700
want them asking questions that I don't feel

584
00:20:53,700 --> 00:20:56,839
like answering. Right. You know? Not around the

585
00:20:57,139 --> 00:21:00,440
Christmas dinner table. Not while we're unwrapping presents.

586
00:21:00,579 --> 00:21:03,585
Not not anytime. That's please no. Don't

587
00:21:03,884 --> 00:21:05,964
don't don't ask me those questions. Even if

588
00:21:05,964 --> 00:21:08,444
it comes from a, hey. I'm kind of

589
00:21:08,444 --> 00:21:10,125
interested in this and I'd like to learn

590
00:21:10,125 --> 00:21:11,325
more. Like, I don't know if I could

591
00:21:11,325 --> 00:21:12,704
handle it if my mother,

592
00:21:13,484 --> 00:21:15,470
my 64 year old mother,

593
00:21:16,009 --> 00:21:18,809
and my 61 year old aunt were asking

594
00:21:18,809 --> 00:21:21,130
me for kink advice. I just I think

595
00:21:21,130 --> 00:21:22,190
my head would explode.

596
00:21:23,609 --> 00:21:24,109
But

597
00:21:24,490 --> 00:21:26,605
even if, oh, God, even if

598
00:21:26,904 --> 00:21:28,984
that were to happen, the place I don't

599
00:21:28,984 --> 00:21:31,005
want to be having these conversations

600
00:21:31,945 --> 00:21:34,765
is around these holiday family times when there's

601
00:21:34,825 --> 00:21:36,184
a lot going on and there's a lot

602
00:21:36,184 --> 00:21:37,785
of people around that maybe should not be

603
00:21:37,785 --> 00:21:39,420
part of the conversation or don't wanna be

604
00:21:39,420 --> 00:21:40,400
part of the conversation.

605
00:21:41,259 --> 00:21:42,080
So even

606
00:21:42,779 --> 00:21:44,400
then, I'm you know, I've

607
00:21:45,259 --> 00:21:47,519
long thought about, okay. How do we present

608
00:21:48,059 --> 00:21:50,559
in front of non kink family specifically?

609
00:21:52,534 --> 00:21:54,075
You know, once I

610
00:21:54,534 --> 00:21:55,914
once we moved in together,

611
00:21:56,774 --> 00:21:57,274
99.9%

612
00:21:57,974 --> 00:22:00,214
of my friends became kinky people because it

613
00:22:00,214 --> 00:22:01,654
was going to munches and we were doing

614
00:22:01,654 --> 00:22:02,954
community stuff. And so

615
00:22:03,335 --> 00:22:05,869
friends, not not that big a deal. The

616
00:22:06,410 --> 00:22:06,910
my

617
00:22:07,289 --> 00:22:08,029
my BFF,

618
00:22:09,130 --> 00:22:10,650
god. I met her when I was freaking

619
00:22:10,650 --> 00:22:11,150
19,

620
00:22:13,049 --> 00:22:15,630
over margaritas and queso. I can tell her

621
00:22:15,849 --> 00:22:16,349
anything

622
00:22:17,529 --> 00:22:19,470
and have and have recommended

623
00:22:20,674 --> 00:22:22,674
products to her over the years. So we

624
00:22:22,674 --> 00:22:24,515
have that kind of relationship, but I'm not

625
00:22:24,515 --> 00:22:27,154
gonna I'm probably not gonna call Jamie daddy

626
00:22:27,154 --> 00:22:28,134
in front of her.

627
00:22:28,914 --> 00:22:31,154
I'm I'm not gonna talk about my collar

628
00:22:31,154 --> 00:22:32,755
in front of her, not because I think

629
00:22:32,755 --> 00:22:34,355
she would be prudish, but it's like that's

630
00:22:34,355 --> 00:22:36,440
not that's that's not the nature of our

631
00:22:36,440 --> 00:22:38,359
relationship. So for me, it tends to be

632
00:22:38,359 --> 00:22:39,420
more about family.

633
00:22:39,720 --> 00:22:42,859
Now if you are raising children

634
00:22:43,400 --> 00:22:44,299
while being

635
00:22:44,680 --> 00:22:45,900
in a power exchange,

636
00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:48,600
you actually already have practice at this even

637
00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:50,855
if you don't think you do. Like, what

638
00:22:50,855 --> 00:22:53,095
do you not let your children see? Guess

639
00:22:53,095 --> 00:22:55,595
what? Don't let grandpa see it either. Okay?

640
00:22:56,295 --> 00:22:58,775
If you wanna keep that private and you

641
00:22:58,775 --> 00:23:01,434
don't wanna answer awkward questions,

642
00:23:02,535 --> 00:23:04,500
treat the rest of your family like you're

643
00:23:04,500 --> 00:23:06,019
being, you know, under the radar in front

644
00:23:06,019 --> 00:23:08,019
of your kids. Now if you're super out

645
00:23:08,019 --> 00:23:08,919
and and like

646
00:23:09,220 --> 00:23:10,980
with your kids, then that that's a different

647
00:23:10,980 --> 00:23:12,819
conversation. But that's how I look at it

648
00:23:12,819 --> 00:23:14,659
is that this is the time. The holidays

649
00:23:14,659 --> 00:23:16,994
are a time to figure out what subtle

650
00:23:17,134 --> 00:23:19,454
power exchange means for you. What what can

651
00:23:19,454 --> 00:23:20,115
you do

652
00:23:20,575 --> 00:23:23,714
publicly that has meaning for the for y'all

653
00:23:23,775 --> 00:23:26,035
that nobody else is gonna clock. Right?

654
00:23:26,494 --> 00:23:28,335
I've talked about this many times over the

655
00:23:28,335 --> 00:23:29,634
years. If we're at a family

656
00:23:30,590 --> 00:23:33,230
gathering and it's meal, I'm gonna serve JB

657
00:23:33,230 --> 00:23:35,869
his plate. Mhmm. You know? I look like

658
00:23:35,869 --> 00:23:37,869
a good southern woman because that's, you know,

659
00:23:37,869 --> 00:23:38,609
the expectation,

660
00:23:39,150 --> 00:23:39,650
but

661
00:23:40,830 --> 00:23:42,269
I know I'm doing it because this is

662
00:23:42,269 --> 00:23:43,875
a way I can do something for my

663
00:23:43,875 --> 00:23:46,115
daddy. Right? Like, I it means something to

664
00:23:46,115 --> 00:23:47,795
me. It's like when we're sitting in a

665
00:23:47,795 --> 00:23:49,734
restaurant, if he orders coffee, I'm gonna

666
00:23:50,115 --> 00:23:51,335
do his coffee up.

667
00:23:51,634 --> 00:23:54,434
That's a thing that people might go, why

668
00:23:54,434 --> 00:23:56,595
why is she doing that for him? But

669
00:23:56,595 --> 00:23:57,940
it, you know, it doesn't I don't care

670
00:23:57,940 --> 00:23:59,460
about that. It just has to have meaning

671
00:23:59,460 --> 00:24:00,119
for me.

672
00:24:01,619 --> 00:24:04,099
You know, if you normally wear a what

673
00:24:04,099 --> 00:24:06,419
feels to you a very obvious collar, and

674
00:24:06,419 --> 00:24:08,899
that's not a conversation you wanna have with

675
00:24:08,899 --> 00:24:09,639
your meemaw,

676
00:24:10,099 --> 00:24:12,339
then maybe for the visit, you go to

677
00:24:12,339 --> 00:24:13,724
what we would call like a day caller

678
00:24:13,724 --> 00:24:16,125
that does doesn't get clocked to something. Right?

679
00:24:16,125 --> 00:24:17,424
It's much more subtle.

680
00:24:18,684 --> 00:24:21,005
But that I think the the big thing

681
00:24:21,005 --> 00:24:23,744
to keep in mind is it's another conversation

682
00:24:23,964 --> 00:24:26,205
you need to have with your partner before

683
00:24:26,205 --> 00:24:28,384
you find yourself in this situation.

684
00:24:28,980 --> 00:24:32,759
Because I know me, if I haven't preplanned

685
00:24:33,140 --> 00:24:35,619
how things are gonna go and I get

686
00:24:35,619 --> 00:24:37,859
caught in the moment without that plan in

687
00:24:37,859 --> 00:24:38,599
my mind,

688
00:24:38,980 --> 00:24:41,460
I will default to however I normally do

689
00:24:41,460 --> 00:24:42,359
it. And

690
00:24:43,434 --> 00:24:45,755
that's not a thing I necessarily want to

691
00:24:45,755 --> 00:24:46,255
brand

692
00:24:46,555 --> 00:24:47,934
in front of my family.

693
00:24:48,555 --> 00:24:50,714
So, you know, it could be some people

694
00:24:50,714 --> 00:24:51,855
just don't do anything

695
00:24:52,234 --> 00:24:53,295
that even is

696
00:24:53,755 --> 00:24:55,899
near their power exchange when they're with family.

697
00:24:56,119 --> 00:24:58,779
Some people look for subtle things. Some people

698
00:24:58,919 --> 00:25:01,559
make sure that they have their own hotel

699
00:25:01,559 --> 00:25:03,799
room or they are leaving quickly. Like, they

700
00:25:03,799 --> 00:25:05,480
have a place to go to have their

701
00:25:05,480 --> 00:25:05,980
private

702
00:25:06,440 --> 00:25:08,679
space and time Right. To be as, you

703
00:25:08,679 --> 00:25:10,125
know, kinky as they can be.

704
00:25:10,684 --> 00:25:12,845
When we used to go visit my mom

705
00:25:12,845 --> 00:25:13,744
in South Mississippi,

706
00:25:14,125 --> 00:25:16,045
that would be a week too during that

707
00:25:16,045 --> 00:25:17,424
one storm where we evacuated,

708
00:25:17,805 --> 00:25:21,005
where nope. Nope. Nope. That was the kids

709
00:25:21,005 --> 00:25:22,545
were too close, and the

710
00:25:22,880 --> 00:25:24,480
the mom and evil stepdad were way too

711
00:25:24,480 --> 00:25:26,080
close. So we just Yes. Indeed. Put it

712
00:25:26,080 --> 00:25:26,900
on lockdown

713
00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:29,600
other than the subtle stuff. Yeah. And then

714
00:25:29,600 --> 00:25:32,240
the subtle stuff that that translates to when

715
00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:34,080
you're out in a restaurant, when you're at

716
00:25:34,080 --> 00:25:36,559
the movies, when you're, you know, at your

717
00:25:36,559 --> 00:25:39,664
company something something picnic parties, like, whatever.

718
00:25:40,125 --> 00:25:42,144
That those things come in handy.

719
00:25:43,244 --> 00:25:43,744
Anything

720
00:25:44,765 --> 00:25:46,464
oh, this is the other thing about

721
00:25:47,164 --> 00:25:50,125
spending time with family. Mhmm. This this came

722
00:25:50,125 --> 00:25:52,460
to me, 1, because we've been long distance

723
00:25:52,460 --> 00:25:53,840
before. And then also

724
00:25:55,259 --> 00:25:56,000
the folks

725
00:25:56,299 --> 00:25:56,799
who

726
00:25:57,180 --> 00:25:59,740
are and not necessarily because it's a a

727
00:25:59,740 --> 00:26:00,240
nonmonogamy

728
00:26:01,100 --> 00:26:04,244
open and proud situation, but the I'm married

729
00:26:04,244 --> 00:26:06,164
over here, but this person over here is

730
00:26:06,164 --> 00:26:08,164
my dom. And that person over there is

731
00:26:08,164 --> 00:26:09,845
married with their own family, and I'm their

732
00:26:09,845 --> 00:26:12,184
submissive. And now we're at the holidays.

733
00:26:12,964 --> 00:26:14,105
And it's it's

734
00:26:14,805 --> 00:26:15,990
you're are you gonna

735
00:26:17,990 --> 00:26:18,069
see one another? Is that even gonna be

736
00:26:18,069 --> 00:26:18,569
feasible?

737
00:26:19,109 --> 00:26:19,609
But

738
00:26:20,309 --> 00:26:21,910
so that's something to think about. But for

739
00:26:21,910 --> 00:26:24,470
long distance, that can get I remember for

740
00:26:24,470 --> 00:26:26,549
us until we started spending, like, when we

741
00:26:26,549 --> 00:26:28,490
could, a holiday day or 2 together,

742
00:26:28,894 --> 00:26:30,894
It was really tough because we were each

743
00:26:30,894 --> 00:26:32,274
pulled in different directions.

744
00:26:32,894 --> 00:26:34,174
And so we didn't have a lot of

745
00:26:34,174 --> 00:26:35,855
time to kinda come back to one another,

746
00:26:35,855 --> 00:26:37,774
and we couldn't keep up our new normal

747
00:26:37,774 --> 00:26:40,274
routines. We weren't communicating as much.

748
00:26:41,460 --> 00:26:43,140
You know, there I would still be working

749
00:26:43,140 --> 00:26:44,899
other than, like, Christmas Eve and Christmas day,

750
00:26:44,899 --> 00:26:47,059
and you'd have several days off, but you'd

751
00:26:47,059 --> 00:26:49,159
be at home and, like, with your regular

752
00:26:49,220 --> 00:26:51,079
life going on and it, you know,

753
00:26:51,460 --> 00:26:52,519
it was tough.

754
00:26:52,899 --> 00:26:55,955
The thing is is talk about it now.

755
00:26:55,955 --> 00:26:57,015
Make a plan

756
00:26:57,394 --> 00:26:57,894
now.

757
00:26:58,755 --> 00:27:00,595
The plan may not go to plan. You

758
00:27:00,595 --> 00:27:02,195
might yeah. It's one of those things where

759
00:27:02,195 --> 00:27:04,195
you you make the plan and then you

760
00:27:04,195 --> 00:27:06,275
have to throw out the plan because reality

761
00:27:06,275 --> 00:27:08,695
happened, but talk. No no no battle survives

762
00:27:08,839 --> 00:27:11,000
or no plan survives battle. Right.

763
00:27:11,320 --> 00:27:13,240
But it's worth the conversation. Like, when do

764
00:27:13,240 --> 00:27:14,599
we think we can talk? Will we be

765
00:27:14,599 --> 00:27:16,279
able to see one another? How do we

766
00:27:16,279 --> 00:27:18,460
feel about not seeing one another?

767
00:27:19,079 --> 00:27:20,775
What do we normally do on a routine,

768
00:27:20,775 --> 00:27:23,335
and how will this upcoming visit with family

769
00:27:23,335 --> 00:27:24,394
and whoever else

770
00:27:24,695 --> 00:27:25,515
affect that?

771
00:27:25,974 --> 00:27:26,714
You can't

772
00:27:28,055 --> 00:27:28,555
completely

773
00:27:29,015 --> 00:27:32,134
eliminate the possibility of feeling sad or feeling

774
00:27:32,134 --> 00:27:34,855
lonely or even hurt feelings over the way

775
00:27:34,855 --> 00:27:36,980
things are going, especially when you can't be

776
00:27:36,980 --> 00:27:37,480
together.

777
00:27:37,940 --> 00:27:39,480
But you can

778
00:27:40,259 --> 00:27:42,900
minimize them a bit just by being upfront

779
00:27:42,900 --> 00:27:45,000
and honest with each other. Like,

780
00:27:45,380 --> 00:27:47,835
you know, if you are especially long distance.

781
00:27:47,835 --> 00:27:49,115
Let's say, you know, one of you has

782
00:27:49,115 --> 00:27:51,515
kids and the holidays are a huge time

783
00:27:51,515 --> 00:27:53,355
for your children and for you as a

784
00:27:53,355 --> 00:27:55,994
parent. That means there are times when your

785
00:27:55,994 --> 00:27:57,934
priority is as a parent

786
00:27:58,315 --> 00:28:00,394
doing the holiday thing you do with your

787
00:28:00,394 --> 00:28:00,894
kids.

788
00:28:01,434 --> 00:28:03,134
If you can fit this

789
00:28:03,649 --> 00:28:05,970
partner into that in a way that works

790
00:28:05,970 --> 00:28:09,569
for everybody involved, great. But that might not

791
00:28:09,569 --> 00:28:10,390
be the case.

792
00:28:11,490 --> 00:28:14,369
I can respect and understand and feel for

793
00:28:14,369 --> 00:28:15,970
somebody who's like, I don't get to be

794
00:28:15,970 --> 00:28:17,569
a part of that because we're long distance,

795
00:28:17,569 --> 00:28:18,069
because

796
00:28:18,845 --> 00:28:20,605
this is a a thing that maybe not

797
00:28:20,605 --> 00:28:21,904
everybody knows about, whatever.

798
00:28:23,085 --> 00:28:24,684
And, yeah, it can suck to be like,

799
00:28:24,684 --> 00:28:26,365
man, I have to give up this time

800
00:28:26,365 --> 00:28:27,644
that I thought I would have with my

801
00:28:27,644 --> 00:28:29,664
partner or that we would normally get together.

802
00:28:31,180 --> 00:28:32,740
But, you know, that's a that might be

803
00:28:32,740 --> 00:28:34,140
a time when you realize, is this a

804
00:28:34,140 --> 00:28:36,380
relationship I wanna continue? Because it's like, in

805
00:28:36,380 --> 00:28:37,980
this case, I'm using the kids as an

806
00:28:37,980 --> 00:28:40,380
example because that can be a huge priority

807
00:28:40,380 --> 00:28:41,945
for people at the holidays especially. You know,

808
00:28:41,945 --> 00:28:42,065
these children are part of this person's life.

809
00:28:42,065 --> 00:28:42,890
And until y'all are more enmeshed to

810
00:28:46,644 --> 00:28:49,204
And until y'all are more enmeshed together and

811
00:28:49,204 --> 00:28:52,264
physically together, this will keep coming up. Right?

812
00:28:52,484 --> 00:28:54,804
So if you're if it hurts now and

813
00:28:54,804 --> 00:28:56,804
it feels like it sucks now and you

814
00:28:56,804 --> 00:28:58,105
hate this now,

815
00:28:58,970 --> 00:29:00,590
This doesn't stop. Like,

816
00:29:01,049 --> 00:29:03,789
the kids continue to exist. Right? Mhmm.

817
00:29:04,809 --> 00:29:07,470
But so you can't prepare for every eventuality,

818
00:29:07,609 --> 00:29:10,170
but you can talk about it. You can

819
00:29:10,170 --> 00:29:11,470
absolutely talk about it.

820
00:29:11,930 --> 00:29:13,549
I know for for us,

821
00:29:15,664 --> 00:29:17,345
before we got married I think before we

822
00:29:17,345 --> 00:29:18,724
moved in, you did a Christmas,

823
00:29:20,144 --> 00:29:23,184
with my family. Mhmm. Is and and I

824
00:29:25,184 --> 00:29:28,309
did he get taken out to the barn

825
00:29:28,369 --> 00:29:30,710
and have a real serious conversation

826
00:29:31,169 --> 00:29:33,970
Yeah. While the future evil stepdad was, what,

827
00:29:33,970 --> 00:29:36,369
cleaning a gun or something? Yeah. I was

828
00:29:36,369 --> 00:29:38,929
like Yeah. Dude, you're only, like, 8 or

829
00:29:38,929 --> 00:29:40,734
9 years older than this, man. What are

830
00:29:40,734 --> 00:29:41,394
you doing?

831
00:29:42,654 --> 00:29:44,035
Age gaps are weird.

832
00:29:46,095 --> 00:29:47,714
This is a time of life

833
00:29:48,174 --> 00:29:50,734
when age gaps are super weird. Anybody who's

834
00:29:50,734 --> 00:29:52,575
ever been like, oh my god. My partner

835
00:29:52,575 --> 00:29:54,434
is around the age of my parents.

836
00:29:54,890 --> 00:29:55,630
You know,

837
00:29:55,930 --> 00:29:57,789
it it gets weird because that normal,

838
00:29:58,090 --> 00:29:59,309
like, chauvinistic,

839
00:30:00,410 --> 00:30:00,910
misogynistic

840
00:30:01,210 --> 00:30:02,970
bullshit of, I've got to threaten you with

841
00:30:02,970 --> 00:30:04,190
a gun. I

842
00:30:04,570 --> 00:30:05,630
do not like it.

843
00:30:06,570 --> 00:30:09,049
It didn't hit the same when that person

844
00:30:09,049 --> 00:30:09,710
was probably

845
00:30:10,330 --> 00:30:11,605
in high school at the same time you

846
00:30:11,605 --> 00:30:13,045
were. You know what I mean? They're probably

847
00:30:13,045 --> 00:30:15,365
gonna retire when you retire. Like, that's just

848
00:30:15,845 --> 00:30:19,045
it's we're not intimidating like a, you know,

849
00:30:19,045 --> 00:30:20,345
18 year old here.

850
00:30:20,964 --> 00:30:23,444
So but yeah. So what what was your

851
00:30:23,444 --> 00:30:23,944
first

852
00:30:24,884 --> 00:30:27,200
well, what do you remember for our first

853
00:30:27,419 --> 00:30:29,359
first, it's Christmas. It's the holiday we celebrate.

854
00:30:29,579 --> 00:30:31,179
What what do you remember from our first

855
00:30:31,179 --> 00:30:32,079
Christmas together?

856
00:30:32,539 --> 00:30:33,279
Oh, gosh.

857
00:30:36,140 --> 00:30:37,359
Other than the being

858
00:30:37,740 --> 00:30:39,554
subtly threatened with a gun. That, you know,

859
00:30:39,554 --> 00:30:40,855
that that that was

860
00:30:41,315 --> 00:30:42,994
sadly, that's the thing that kind of stands

861
00:30:42,994 --> 00:30:45,075
out the most to me after all this

862
00:30:45,075 --> 00:30:45,575
time,

863
00:30:45,875 --> 00:30:46,534
you know.

864
00:30:46,914 --> 00:30:50,355
Yeah. Evil Evil Stepdad, because he Yeah. Even

865
00:30:50,355 --> 00:30:51,815
through dinner, he was throwing

866
00:30:52,275 --> 00:30:54,569
questions and shit at me, you know.

867
00:30:55,130 --> 00:30:58,349
Oh, yeah. Because evil stepdad, nosy as fuck.

868
00:30:58,970 --> 00:31:01,049
He always couched in, oh, I'm being protective.

869
00:31:01,049 --> 00:31:03,210
I'm like, protected from what? I've known you

870
00:31:03,210 --> 00:31:04,349
since I was 25.

871
00:31:04,730 --> 00:31:05,869
Yeah. Who are you?

872
00:31:10,144 --> 00:31:11,345
My mother could have done that and I

873
00:31:11,345 --> 00:31:12,704
would have respected it more because I'm like,

874
00:31:12,704 --> 00:31:14,804
oh, it's my mommy. Yeah. You know?

875
00:31:15,184 --> 00:31:17,505
Yeah. But, yeah, I I do remember there

876
00:31:17,505 --> 00:31:20,005
being a lot of trying to be intimidating.

877
00:31:20,144 --> 00:31:21,505
And I was just and you know what?

878
00:31:21,505 --> 00:31:23,525
Part of that was the the whole

879
00:31:24,039 --> 00:31:25,200
southern thing of

880
00:31:25,640 --> 00:31:28,119
but part of it, I I've long thought,

881
00:31:28,119 --> 00:31:29,880
especially after we got together and were together

882
00:31:29,880 --> 00:31:31,079
and you were there for all the family

883
00:31:31,079 --> 00:31:31,579
stuff,

884
00:31:32,119 --> 00:31:32,940
was that

885
00:31:33,640 --> 00:31:35,319
you were dealing with a thing that a

886
00:31:35,319 --> 00:31:37,024
lot of people do to you, and I

887
00:31:37,024 --> 00:31:40,304
just find laughable. You are quiet, and you

888
00:31:40,304 --> 00:31:41,984
don't need to be the center of attention,

889
00:31:41,984 --> 00:31:43,044
and you don't need

890
00:31:43,345 --> 00:31:45,424
to tell everybody who you are, what you

891
00:31:45,424 --> 00:31:45,924
are.

892
00:31:46,224 --> 00:31:48,085
You know? Your your

893
00:31:50,099 --> 00:31:52,420
confidence is quiet and does not have to

894
00:31:52,420 --> 00:31:52,920
be,

895
00:31:53,380 --> 00:31:55,380
like it's not blasted out. You know? For

896
00:31:55,380 --> 00:31:56,980
the for the most part, I'm comfortable in

897
00:31:56,980 --> 00:31:59,779
my skin. Right. And that's hard earned and

898
00:31:59,779 --> 00:32:02,234
hard won. And it's a thing that's always,

899
00:32:02,474 --> 00:32:04,234
like, been a draw to me. I just

900
00:32:04,234 --> 00:32:06,714
fucking love it. And some people can't handle

901
00:32:06,714 --> 00:32:08,634
it. And he was and I guess I

902
00:32:08,634 --> 00:32:10,815
really think that they saw you as quiet

903
00:32:11,355 --> 00:32:14,095
and assumed that and, oh god, this misogynistic

904
00:32:14,315 --> 00:32:16,797
bullshit, that I would run right all over

905
00:32:16,797 --> 00:32:19,669
you. Yeah. That I would push over. Yeah.

906
00:32:19,669 --> 00:32:22,540
And it was like, y'all have no fucking

907
00:32:22,540 --> 00:32:25,412
clue. Now early days when we we were

908
00:32:25,771 --> 00:32:28,642
before we got married and everything, before the

909
00:32:28,642 --> 00:32:31,154
whole evil stepdad thing reared its head,

910
00:32:32,035 --> 00:32:34,434
My mom and and stepdad on their property,

911
00:32:34,434 --> 00:32:36,595
they have this barn shop thing, and they

912
00:32:36,595 --> 00:32:38,674
had built an apartment on the back end

913
00:32:38,674 --> 00:32:39,875
of it that they had used while they

914
00:32:39,875 --> 00:32:41,955
were building their house. What it became for

915
00:32:41,955 --> 00:32:44,069
years, it was like our opportunity to have

916
00:32:44,309 --> 00:32:46,630
basically a week away. Yeah. The kids were

917
00:32:46,630 --> 00:32:48,069
there, but the kids are in the main

918
00:32:48,069 --> 00:32:50,789
house with grandma and papa. And we were

919
00:32:50,789 --> 00:32:53,029
in the apartment, and it was so and

920
00:32:53,029 --> 00:32:54,549
I think we had that the first time

921
00:32:54,789 --> 00:32:57,450
Yeah. As well. And so it was delightful

922
00:32:57,669 --> 00:32:59,755
because it meant that we could be in

923
00:32:59,755 --> 00:33:01,195
the house and doing the family stuff and

924
00:33:01,195 --> 00:33:02,494
all, but at night,

925
00:33:02,875 --> 00:33:05,115
you know, we Mhmm. Nobody can hear you

926
00:33:05,115 --> 00:33:07,275
scream out there. That's right. And so it

927
00:33:07,275 --> 00:33:08,894
was always such a

928
00:33:09,195 --> 00:33:12,269
mind fuck to know that JB was being

929
00:33:12,269 --> 00:33:14,750
treated a certain way on a perception of

930
00:33:14,750 --> 00:33:16,609
what it means to be a quietly

931
00:33:16,990 --> 00:33:18,210
confident man

932
00:33:18,990 --> 00:33:21,309
and treating you like you were probably gonna

933
00:33:21,309 --> 00:33:23,730
be a pushover because I am seen as

934
00:33:23,789 --> 00:33:24,849
bossy, loudmouth,

935
00:33:25,674 --> 00:33:26,494
pushy woman.

936
00:33:27,195 --> 00:33:27,934
Sure. Whatever.

937
00:33:28,315 --> 00:33:29,835
And it was always funny to me because

938
00:33:29,835 --> 00:33:31,994
it's like, yeah. You're being you're thinking that

939
00:33:31,994 --> 00:33:32,494
now.

940
00:33:33,115 --> 00:33:35,355
You do not know what happens behind those

941
00:33:35,355 --> 00:33:37,115
closed doors and what we how we are

942
00:33:37,115 --> 00:33:37,615
desecrating

943
00:33:37,980 --> 00:33:38,640
your apartment.

944
00:33:40,859 --> 00:33:44,140
Okay. The shit we did. And yeah. Yeah.

945
00:33:44,140 --> 00:33:46,299
Yeah. Yep. There was no because those walls

946
00:33:46,299 --> 00:33:48,220
could speak. There was no doubt about who

947
00:33:48,220 --> 00:33:50,480
was in charge of the situation.

948
00:33:52,445 --> 00:33:54,525
So if you're if if you happen to

949
00:33:54,525 --> 00:33:56,684
be facing that sort of the perception of

950
00:33:56,684 --> 00:33:58,285
who people think you are because they don't

951
00:33:58,285 --> 00:34:00,525
actually know this side of it, just remember

952
00:34:00,525 --> 00:34:02,205
just remember who you really are behind closed

953
00:34:02,205 --> 00:34:03,964
doors, and you ain't got nothing to fucking

954
00:34:03,964 --> 00:34:05,265
prove to any of them.

955
00:34:06,205 --> 00:34:08,099
So last one, and it's the one I

956
00:34:08,099 --> 00:34:10,019
think that came to mind first when I

957
00:34:10,019 --> 00:34:11,940
was like, this is a topic. This is

958
00:34:11,940 --> 00:34:13,159
an appropriate topic.

959
00:34:14,019 --> 00:34:15,880
Dealing with stress during the holidays.

960
00:34:16,500 --> 00:34:18,260
Now we deal with stress all the time.

961
00:34:18,260 --> 00:34:21,000
We have done episodes on stress and disagreements

962
00:34:21,139 --> 00:34:21,800
and arguments

963
00:34:22,655 --> 00:34:24,414
and anger. Did I remember to link to

964
00:34:24,414 --> 00:34:25,855
any of those? No? I'll try to remember

965
00:34:25,855 --> 00:34:26,514
that later.

966
00:34:27,215 --> 00:34:27,715
So

967
00:34:28,175 --> 00:34:31,715
this is not just a holiday specific thing,

968
00:34:32,175 --> 00:34:34,255
but it is a thing that I think

969
00:34:34,255 --> 00:34:35,309
throws some people

970
00:34:37,550 --> 00:34:39,469
off because either because that's how it has

971
00:34:39,469 --> 00:34:41,789
been in the past or because we are

972
00:34:41,789 --> 00:34:42,930
believing the hallmark,

973
00:34:43,309 --> 00:34:43,890
you know,

974
00:34:46,989 --> 00:34:48,910
message of this is supposed to be this

975
00:34:48,910 --> 00:34:50,769
happy, wonderful, joyous time.

976
00:34:51,114 --> 00:34:53,275
And anybody who has to do anything with

977
00:34:53,275 --> 00:34:55,355
planning around the holidays knows that the thing

978
00:34:55,355 --> 00:34:56,815
they're probably not feeling

979
00:34:57,434 --> 00:34:58,255
is joyous.

980
00:34:59,035 --> 00:35:01,035
You are running from store to store or

981
00:35:01,035 --> 00:35:02,954
or clicking from website to website. You are

982
00:35:02,954 --> 00:35:04,875
waiting for packages to arrive. You're trying to

983
00:35:04,875 --> 00:35:07,199
hide gifts from people. You're trying to deal

984
00:35:07,199 --> 00:35:08,500
with family and

985
00:35:09,280 --> 00:35:11,679
work is probably nuts. If you've got kids

986
00:35:11,679 --> 00:35:13,460
in school, they're doing 85,000,000

987
00:35:14,000 --> 00:35:16,159
thing. Like, it's a time like, it's a

988
00:35:16,159 --> 00:35:18,875
time that does not always feel joyous.

989
00:35:19,175 --> 00:35:21,894
And so Yeah. You know, I think many

990
00:35:21,894 --> 00:35:23,894
people will internalize that of, oh, I'm not

991
00:35:23,894 --> 00:35:25,914
real happy right now. I'm real stressed out.

992
00:35:26,054 --> 00:35:26,875
I'm doing,

993
00:35:27,414 --> 00:35:29,655
you know Mhmm. This holiday season wrong. No.

994
00:35:29,655 --> 00:35:31,409
You're not. This is life. To me, you

995
00:35:31,409 --> 00:35:33,190
know, yeah, life is stressful

996
00:35:34,449 --> 00:35:35,829
on a good day. Mhmm.

997
00:35:36,449 --> 00:35:36,849
But,

998
00:35:37,329 --> 00:35:39,409
you know, coming into the holidays, I think

999
00:35:39,409 --> 00:35:40,550
it it is magnified.

1000
00:35:40,929 --> 00:35:43,889
Absolutely. Especially with the high expectations. Mhmm. So

1001
00:35:43,889 --> 00:35:45,349
with respect specifically

1002
00:35:45,864 --> 00:35:47,085
to power exchange,

1003
00:35:48,664 --> 00:35:50,105
the first thing I always like to do

1004
00:35:50,105 --> 00:35:52,505
for folks is to normalize it. If y'all

1005
00:35:52,505 --> 00:35:54,525
disagree, if you if you,

1006
00:35:54,905 --> 00:35:55,885
perfect devoted,

1007
00:35:56,825 --> 00:35:57,885
loving, submissive,

1008
00:35:58,344 --> 00:36:00,730
are side eyeing your dom. Like, what the

1009
00:36:00,730 --> 00:36:02,730
fuck is wrong with them? You're not doing

1010
00:36:02,730 --> 00:36:03,869
submission wrong. Okay?

1011
00:36:04,250 --> 00:36:06,670
You're being a human at a stressful time.

1012
00:36:06,969 --> 00:36:08,429
The the thing that

1013
00:36:08,809 --> 00:36:09,949
will sometimes,

1014
00:36:10,409 --> 00:36:11,789
especially if it's been negotiated,

1015
00:36:12,170 --> 00:36:14,750
dictate how we respond to one another

1016
00:36:15,184 --> 00:36:17,664
in those moments is what you've negotiated in

1017
00:36:17,664 --> 00:36:20,704
your relationship. We've said this a 10,000,000 times

1018
00:36:20,704 --> 00:36:21,925
after all these years.

1019
00:36:22,385 --> 00:36:24,405
The rule I have is I can say

1020
00:36:24,545 --> 00:36:26,405
anything else I can need to to JB.

1021
00:36:26,625 --> 00:36:28,599
Even if it's tell him that he was

1022
00:36:28,599 --> 00:36:30,519
wrong and I'm mad at him, I just

1023
00:36:30,519 --> 00:36:32,119
have to do it with respect. That's what

1024
00:36:32,119 --> 00:36:34,119
we've negotiated, which gives me a lot of

1025
00:36:34,119 --> 00:36:34,619
latitude

1026
00:36:34,920 --> 00:36:36,920
to share my opinion. I think it's because

1027
00:36:36,920 --> 00:36:38,440
JB took one look at me and went,

1028
00:36:38,440 --> 00:36:39,734
this bitch is not gonna be able to

1029
00:36:39,734 --> 00:36:40,954
hold that curtain. It's

1030
00:36:42,295 --> 00:36:44,295
just not possible, so let's work with what

1031
00:36:44,295 --> 00:36:45,674
we have. Nope. Ain't gonna happen.

1032
00:36:46,134 --> 00:36:48,614
But, you know, if you've never had that

1033
00:36:48,614 --> 00:36:51,194
conversation, if you were so new into

1034
00:36:51,574 --> 00:36:53,494
power exchange, maybe not the relationship, but the

1035
00:36:53,494 --> 00:36:55,699
power exchange part, that you kind of can't

1036
00:36:55,699 --> 00:36:57,940
conceive that you'll get mad at one another.

1037
00:36:57,940 --> 00:36:59,940
Let me disabuse you of that idea until

1038
00:36:59,940 --> 00:37:01,079
you just start preparing

1039
00:37:01,539 --> 00:37:04,579
because something will happen. And how are you

1040
00:37:04,579 --> 00:37:06,280
going to handle the conflict?

1041
00:37:06,714 --> 00:37:08,394
We know people who put a time out

1042
00:37:08,394 --> 00:37:10,234
and go, we're not power exchange right now.

1043
00:37:10,234 --> 00:37:11,454
We are dealing with this

1044
00:37:12,074 --> 00:37:13,594
issue, and we will resolve it, and then

1045
00:37:13,594 --> 00:37:15,775
we'll go back into it. We, you know,

1046
00:37:15,835 --> 00:37:17,675
we have the say whatever you gotta fucking

1047
00:37:17,675 --> 00:37:18,175
say.

1048
00:37:18,635 --> 00:37:21,614
There are people who will schedule time,

1049
00:37:22,230 --> 00:37:24,550
specific layout time of this is the time

1050
00:37:24,550 --> 00:37:26,230
to go over grievances. That does not stop

1051
00:37:26,230 --> 00:37:28,309
you from being upset in the moment that

1052
00:37:28,309 --> 00:37:29,130
something happens.

1053
00:37:29,750 --> 00:37:32,230
But that can be helpful and useful for

1054
00:37:32,230 --> 00:37:34,389
knowing you're gonna have an opportunity to say

1055
00:37:34,389 --> 00:37:36,309
what you need to say. That is especially

1056
00:37:36,309 --> 00:37:39,344
important for submissives who, depending on your dynamic,

1057
00:37:39,644 --> 00:37:40,465
might not

1058
00:37:40,844 --> 00:37:42,925
have that kind of relationship where you just

1059
00:37:42,925 --> 00:37:44,364
say it in the moment. I have the

1060
00:37:44,364 --> 00:37:46,144
relationship where I say it in the moment.

1061
00:37:46,445 --> 00:37:48,525
Do I sometimes get told to hush my

1062
00:37:48,525 --> 00:37:50,144
mouth and we will talk about it later?

1063
00:37:50,280 --> 00:37:53,239
Yes. Yes. Indeed. Do I hate that? Yes.

1064
00:37:53,239 --> 00:37:54,380
Indeed. Yes. I do.

1065
00:37:56,280 --> 00:37:57,640
And then I have to hate it a

1066
00:37:57,640 --> 00:37:59,640
second time because he's right and we have

1067
00:37:59,640 --> 00:38:01,260
a more productive conversation

1068
00:38:02,280 --> 00:38:03,500
when we've calmed down.

1069
00:38:04,434 --> 00:38:05,494
I hate that.

1070
00:38:09,394 --> 00:38:11,654
So let's start there just just acknowledging.

1071
00:38:12,514 --> 00:38:14,194
There's gonna be stress. There's probably gonna be

1072
00:38:14,194 --> 00:38:14,775
a disagreement.

1073
00:38:15,234 --> 00:38:17,635
You know, you're gonna be short-tempered with one

1074
00:38:17,635 --> 00:38:18,960
another. I have

1075
00:38:19,500 --> 00:38:20,000
not,

1076
00:38:22,059 --> 00:38:23,900
not always as as in the way I

1077
00:38:23,900 --> 00:38:25,579
would like to, but I think I did

1078
00:38:25,579 --> 00:38:26,320
it just today.

1079
00:38:26,940 --> 00:38:28,559
I have found ways as a submissive

1080
00:38:29,420 --> 00:38:32,054
to be dealing with a cranky, grumpy polar

1081
00:38:32,054 --> 00:38:32,954
bear, John Brownstein,

1082
00:38:33,574 --> 00:38:34,474
and to say,

1083
00:38:34,855 --> 00:38:36,534
hopefully not in a condescendous anyway. I'm not

1084
00:38:36,534 --> 00:38:37,815
trying to be. I'm trying to be, like,

1085
00:38:37,815 --> 00:38:39,914
nice and sweet and go, I love you.

1086
00:38:40,454 --> 00:38:41,195
You are

1087
00:38:41,815 --> 00:38:43,815
my best friend. You're the best domino. I

1088
00:38:43,815 --> 00:38:45,494
love you. I'm glad we're married. This is

1089
00:38:45,494 --> 00:38:46,710
wonderful. However

1090
00:38:47,329 --> 00:38:47,570
But

1091
00:38:48,530 --> 00:38:51,010
you are speaking to me this way and

1092
00:38:51,010 --> 00:38:52,769
you're looking at me this way. And and

1093
00:38:52,769 --> 00:38:53,750
I said this today,

1094
00:38:54,050 --> 00:38:55,349
I am not the enemy.

1095
00:38:56,369 --> 00:38:58,849
I am here to make your life easier

1096
00:38:58,849 --> 00:39:00,449
and better. That's what I do because as

1097
00:39:00,449 --> 00:39:02,795
a service so that's what I do personally.

1098
00:39:03,974 --> 00:39:05,034
Help me help you.

1099
00:39:05,335 --> 00:39:07,655
Help me help you. Now if he starts

1100
00:39:07,655 --> 00:39:10,295
grinning when I start laying it on thick

1101
00:39:10,295 --> 00:39:12,795
like that and being all silly about it,

1102
00:39:13,094 --> 00:39:15,719
I know I can get sassier and sassier.

1103
00:39:16,039 --> 00:39:18,780
If he looks at me with dead eyes,

1104
00:39:19,880 --> 00:39:21,820
I have to tread very carefully,

1105
00:39:23,239 --> 00:39:24,539
and watch my tone.

1106
00:39:30,924 --> 00:39:32,605
The holidays are also a time if you

1107
00:39:32,605 --> 00:39:34,364
happen to be a service submissive who does

1108
00:39:34,364 --> 00:39:36,284
a lot of domestic stuff, a lot of

1109
00:39:36,284 --> 00:39:39,085
caregiving, like, to either older adults or to

1110
00:39:39,085 --> 00:39:40,144
children or to whatever.

1111
00:39:41,085 --> 00:39:42,844
This is a time you well know that

1112
00:39:42,844 --> 00:39:45,389
things get busier, And it's, to me, a

1113
00:39:45,389 --> 00:39:46,989
time you need to be talking to your

1114
00:39:46,989 --> 00:39:47,969
dom about

1115
00:39:48,429 --> 00:39:49,730
the division of labor

1116
00:39:50,269 --> 00:39:52,989
and things that you need help with. I'm

1117
00:39:52,989 --> 00:39:55,550
gonna be very skeptical of a dominant partner

1118
00:39:55,550 --> 00:39:57,684
who goes, that's not my job. Well, is

1119
00:39:57,684 --> 00:39:59,385
it your fucking household and family?

1120
00:39:59,844 --> 00:40:01,144
We all contribute here.

1121
00:40:02,085 --> 00:40:04,405
You know, JB knows that if you wait

1122
00:40:04,405 --> 00:40:05,065
for me

1123
00:40:05,364 --> 00:40:06,744
to put up Christmas decorations,

1124
00:40:08,085 --> 00:40:10,109
it'll be January before I go, oh, well,

1125
00:40:10,109 --> 00:40:10,769
that's right.

1126
00:40:11,309 --> 00:40:13,389
Christmas decorations. I've I've been the decorating elf

1127
00:40:13,389 --> 00:40:16,029
here. He has done it. He has poor

1128
00:40:16,029 --> 00:40:17,730
thing. He gave me one job

1129
00:40:18,190 --> 00:40:19,949
at Black Friday time. I don't know what

1130
00:40:19,949 --> 00:40:21,469
he was thinking, and I still haven't done

1131
00:40:21,469 --> 00:40:23,605
that one job. But he's, you know, he

1132
00:40:23,605 --> 00:40:25,285
knows there's no way I have time to

1133
00:40:25,285 --> 00:40:26,805
do the things I normally do as a

1134
00:40:26,805 --> 00:40:29,045
submissive, as a business partner, as a mom,

1135
00:40:29,045 --> 00:40:30,805
as a whatever Mhmm. And do some of

1136
00:40:30,805 --> 00:40:33,045
these other things. So he goes, I can

1137
00:40:33,045 --> 00:40:34,724
do these things. I have the time because

1138
00:40:34,724 --> 00:40:36,805
she's working on that stuff over there, and

1139
00:40:36,805 --> 00:40:39,239
he just does it. So it doesn't get

1140
00:40:39,239 --> 00:40:40,460
all laid on my shoulders.

1141
00:40:41,480 --> 00:40:43,180
In in a in a work

1142
00:40:43,800 --> 00:40:46,539
sense for us during the holidays,

1143
00:40:49,160 --> 00:40:50,460
you know, my work

1144
00:40:51,744 --> 00:40:53,204
is done during the day.

1145
00:40:54,224 --> 00:40:56,464
I I am cranking stuff out, you know,

1146
00:40:56,464 --> 00:40:58,704
making what what going on, you know, like

1147
00:40:58,704 --> 00:41:00,244
today. I'm I'm

1148
00:41:00,625 --> 00:41:03,284
I had several things. I was doing paddles.

1149
00:41:03,744 --> 00:41:05,605
I was working on some of the,

1150
00:41:06,389 --> 00:41:08,309
ornaments that we're gonna give as gifts to

1151
00:41:08,309 --> 00:41:10,730
family. I was working on a pen order,

1152
00:41:10,869 --> 00:41:12,789
you know, doing all all these kinds of

1153
00:41:12,789 --> 00:41:15,849
things, and and it's weird because at night,

1154
00:41:16,710 --> 00:41:17,289
you know,

1155
00:41:17,909 --> 00:41:18,650
I'm done.

1156
00:41:19,670 --> 00:41:21,289
I I I pack up the

1157
00:41:22,684 --> 00:41:24,684
the equipment and the wood, and I'm done

1158
00:41:24,684 --> 00:41:25,744
till the next morning.

1159
00:41:26,204 --> 00:41:28,444
You, on the other hand Are still going.

1160
00:41:28,605 --> 00:41:29,585
Still going strong.

1161
00:41:30,284 --> 00:41:33,164
And and, you know, it's it's it's funny

1162
00:41:33,164 --> 00:41:33,664
because

1163
00:41:35,244 --> 00:41:37,380
even though I'm her her big d, her

1164
00:41:37,380 --> 00:41:37,880
daddy,

1165
00:41:38,179 --> 00:41:39,380
there's still a part of me that feels

1166
00:41:39,380 --> 00:41:40,199
a little guilty.

1167
00:41:40,659 --> 00:41:42,179
You know, I'm always asking her, can I

1168
00:41:42,179 --> 00:41:43,880
help? Is there something I can do?

1169
00:41:44,579 --> 00:41:46,579
And guess what? I actually let him help

1170
00:41:46,579 --> 00:41:48,339
me the other day and I taught him

1171
00:41:48,339 --> 00:41:51,445
I'm wrapping paracord bundles. Paracord is important to

1172
00:41:51,445 --> 00:41:52,025
the kinkery.kinkery.com.

1173
00:41:53,525 --> 00:41:55,125
And I've been very delayed on this. I'm

1174
00:41:55,125 --> 00:41:56,885
wrapping up these paracord bundles. They have to

1175
00:41:56,885 --> 00:41:58,905
get done. It's not an option anymore.

1176
00:41:59,284 --> 00:42:01,625
But I had been jonesing for sweet tea.

1177
00:42:01,684 --> 00:42:03,609
Yeah. The youngest had been like, mom, when

1178
00:42:03,769 --> 00:42:05,690
because everybody knows mom makes the sweet tea.

1179
00:42:05,690 --> 00:42:07,530
Mhmm. Mom is the most southern of the

1180
00:42:07,530 --> 00:42:09,449
people living in this house. Mom makes sweet

1181
00:42:09,449 --> 00:42:11,289
tea. And I was like, yeah. Yeah, buddy.

1182
00:42:11,289 --> 00:42:12,969
I wanna I wanna make it. I I

1183
00:42:12,969 --> 00:42:14,409
plan on it. I plan it. It was

1184
00:42:14,409 --> 00:42:16,170
8:30 at night on a Sunday, and I'm

1185
00:42:16,170 --> 00:42:17,355
like, I still have not made this damn

1186
00:42:17,355 --> 00:42:17,855
routine.

1187
00:42:18,474 --> 00:42:18,974
So

1188
00:42:19,914 --> 00:42:22,155
I am really bad about asking for help.

1189
00:42:22,155 --> 00:42:24,074
If JB comes and offers help, if I

1190
00:42:24,074 --> 00:42:25,914
can think of something in that moment, I'll

1191
00:42:25,914 --> 00:42:27,355
I'll try to just go, yes. This would

1192
00:42:27,355 --> 00:42:28,635
be great if you can. And sometimes I

1193
00:42:28,635 --> 00:42:30,074
go, I cannot think of anything. I'm so

1194
00:42:30,074 --> 00:42:32,670
sorry. This was a moment where he was,

1195
00:42:32,670 --> 00:42:35,910
like, peaceful in his bathrobe just, like, chilling.

1196
00:42:35,910 --> 00:42:37,910
And I went, hey. You know how you

1197
00:42:37,910 --> 00:42:39,989
say you wanna help with things if you

1198
00:42:39,989 --> 00:42:41,750
can? And he goes and it was the

1199
00:42:41,750 --> 00:42:43,670
sweetest thing. He looked so excited. He was

1200
00:42:43,670 --> 00:42:45,905
like, yes. And he thought he was gonna

1201
00:42:45,905 --> 00:42:47,744
get to work on kinkery things. I was

1202
00:42:47,744 --> 00:42:48,945
like, no. That's not where I need help.

1203
00:42:48,945 --> 00:42:49,445
Nope.

1204
00:42:50,385 --> 00:42:51,905
Nope. She put me in a whole different

1205
00:42:51,905 --> 00:42:54,304
room. He's in the kitchen. Now podcast illustrators

1206
00:42:54,304 --> 00:42:56,144
cannot see this, but where we record, there

1207
00:42:56,144 --> 00:42:58,625
is a window. It's technically an exterior window

1208
00:42:58,625 --> 00:43:00,510
because our office used to be the outside

1209
00:43:00,510 --> 00:43:02,750
of the house. Mhmm. And that window goes

1210
00:43:02,750 --> 00:43:04,269
into the kitchen, and we usually have the

1211
00:43:04,269 --> 00:43:05,869
window up. We can talk through. We can

1212
00:43:05,869 --> 00:43:08,590
hear stuff, whatever. Mhmm. So I'm standing at

1213
00:43:08,590 --> 00:43:10,269
my shipping station, which is on the other

1214
00:43:10,269 --> 00:43:12,224
side of that window doing stuff with paracord,

1215
00:43:13,005 --> 00:43:15,244
and I'm walking him through step by step

1216
00:43:15,244 --> 00:43:17,565
through this window how to make my sweet

1217
00:43:17,565 --> 00:43:18,545
tea. Yeah.

1218
00:43:19,005 --> 00:43:19,505
Yep.

1219
00:43:20,284 --> 00:43:22,204
And he was I mean, it was it

1220
00:43:22,204 --> 00:43:25,085
feels weird to me from from the service

1221
00:43:25,085 --> 00:43:26,065
massive aspect

1222
00:43:26,364 --> 00:43:29,179
of guiding or walking through or telling my

1223
00:43:29,179 --> 00:43:31,199
daddy dom how to do anything

1224
00:43:31,980 --> 00:43:33,679
because of the way

1225
00:43:34,460 --> 00:43:36,219
I kind of see my role and how

1226
00:43:36,219 --> 00:43:38,300
I want to be talked to at different

1227
00:43:38,300 --> 00:43:40,380
times and and how we engage with one

1228
00:43:40,380 --> 00:43:40,880
another

1229
00:43:41,364 --> 00:43:43,045
in those roles. And this was outside of

1230
00:43:43,045 --> 00:43:44,805
our roles, but in a way, it wasn't.

1231
00:43:44,805 --> 00:43:46,585
He is a daddy dom. He's a nurturing,

1232
00:43:47,125 --> 00:43:47,625
caregiving

1233
00:43:48,164 --> 00:43:49,844
kind of dom. He wants to take care

1234
00:43:49,844 --> 00:43:51,925
of me. He really would like me to

1235
00:43:51,925 --> 00:43:53,550
let him take care of me. You

1236
00:43:55,070 --> 00:43:57,710
know? And so it's not and that's the

1237
00:43:57,710 --> 00:43:58,989
thing I would tell submissives. If you have

1238
00:43:58,989 --> 00:44:00,750
a dominant partner who wants to be fucking

1239
00:44:00,750 --> 00:44:01,570
helping you,

1240
00:44:01,869 --> 00:44:03,710
let them help you. They are no less

1241
00:44:03,710 --> 00:44:06,030
dumb. You are no less submissive. You're actually

1242
00:44:06,030 --> 00:44:08,130
just being a team and trying to get

1243
00:44:08,190 --> 00:44:10,164
through shit. Right. Because, you know yeah. It's

1244
00:44:10,164 --> 00:44:11,444
the other the other thing, you know. She

1245
00:44:11,444 --> 00:44:13,444
talks about how she does for me, but

1246
00:44:13,444 --> 00:44:15,364
in those moments when she's busy like that

1247
00:44:15,364 --> 00:44:17,605
and she's working late, I do whatever I

1248
00:44:17,605 --> 00:44:18,105
can

1249
00:44:18,724 --> 00:44:21,300
to, you know, to help her and in

1250
00:44:21,300 --> 00:44:22,760
make it as easy as possible.

1251
00:44:23,219 --> 00:44:25,059
You know, I'm checking, do you need anything

1252
00:44:25,059 --> 00:44:26,260
to drink? Can I get you a drink?

1253
00:44:26,260 --> 00:44:27,860
Do you want a nibble? Do you know,

1254
00:44:27,860 --> 00:44:29,699
you want a snack while you're working back

1255
00:44:29,699 --> 00:44:31,559
here? And that, you know, for

1256
00:44:32,660 --> 00:44:34,180
for the the folks who would be like,

1257
00:44:34,180 --> 00:44:35,940
oh, that doesn't sound very dominant. Well, I'm

1258
00:44:35,940 --> 00:44:38,575
guessing you haven't met very many caregiving doms.

1259
00:44:38,575 --> 00:44:40,494
That is extremely dominant because what he's gonna

1260
00:44:40,494 --> 00:44:41,855
do is he's gonna ask me for things

1261
00:44:41,855 --> 00:44:44,175
I want and or, back in the day

1262
00:44:44,175 --> 00:44:45,295
when we left the house more often, he

1263
00:44:45,295 --> 00:44:46,494
would just sometimes come back with, like, a

1264
00:44:46,494 --> 00:44:48,335
diet Coke because he knew it would be

1265
00:44:48,335 --> 00:44:49,454
a little thing for me and I'd be

1266
00:44:49,454 --> 00:44:50,599
happy. But

1267
00:44:51,140 --> 00:44:51,640
him

1268
00:44:52,980 --> 00:44:55,300
asking, what can I do for you? Is

1269
00:44:55,300 --> 00:44:56,599
not a subservience,

1270
00:44:56,980 --> 00:44:57,480
submissive

1271
00:44:57,940 --> 00:45:00,340
position to be in. It's a, I am

1272
00:45:00,340 --> 00:45:02,500
clearly communicating with you that I'm here for

1273
00:45:02,500 --> 00:45:04,304
you, but I don't wanna do shit that

1274
00:45:04,304 --> 00:45:05,764
does not help you, that does not

1275
00:45:06,144 --> 00:45:08,545
alleviate your stress, that does not actually do

1276
00:45:08,545 --> 00:45:10,944
anything for you. Right. That that's not contributing

1277
00:45:10,944 --> 00:45:12,944
to to moving forward with whatever whatever's going

1278
00:45:12,944 --> 00:45:15,444
on. This is right up there with communicating

1279
00:45:15,585 --> 00:45:18,349
your kinks. Right? It's like, you gotta be

1280
00:45:18,349 --> 00:45:19,489
able to say

1281
00:45:20,110 --> 00:45:22,450
the words to get the thing you want.

1282
00:45:23,230 --> 00:45:25,489
It's a little bit more fun and

1283
00:45:25,789 --> 00:45:28,110
not always easier, but it's kind of easier

1284
00:45:28,110 --> 00:45:30,050
when you're doing it under the the,

1285
00:45:30,430 --> 00:45:31,894
you know, umbrella of we're talking about our

1286
00:45:31,894 --> 00:45:33,574
kinks and I'm gonna get, you know, there's

1287
00:45:33,574 --> 00:45:35,414
gonna be fuckery in the future because of

1288
00:45:35,414 --> 00:45:35,914
this.

1289
00:45:36,614 --> 00:45:37,114
So

1290
00:45:37,414 --> 00:45:39,114
I don't think we think about it translating

1291
00:45:39,815 --> 00:45:41,494
to the one to one translation to another

1292
00:45:41,494 --> 00:45:43,414
situation, but it is no different. Those same

1293
00:45:43,414 --> 00:45:46,130
skills that hopefully you're, like, getting good at

1294
00:45:46,130 --> 00:45:46,789
and perfecting

1295
00:45:47,090 --> 00:45:49,010
over here are being used here. He is

1296
00:45:49,010 --> 00:45:49,510
just

1297
00:45:49,809 --> 00:45:53,010
he's he's It's it's just an extension of,

1298
00:45:53,010 --> 00:45:54,849
you know, talked about it for years. You

1299
00:45:54,849 --> 00:45:56,070
take care of your toys.

1300
00:45:57,410 --> 00:45:59,329
You take care of your toys. You know,

1301
00:45:59,329 --> 00:46:00,550
that's you have to.

1302
00:46:01,074 --> 00:46:03,074
And and also I I would like there

1303
00:46:03,074 --> 00:46:05,474
to be a parenthetical that's, unspoken, but I

1304
00:46:05,474 --> 00:46:07,235
have to say things out loud and your

1305
00:46:07,235 --> 00:46:08,454
wife. Yeah.

1306
00:46:09,074 --> 00:46:10,215
The person you love

1307
00:46:12,195 --> 00:46:13,414
and your life partner.

1308
00:46:15,474 --> 00:46:16,590
But, yes, also your toys.

1309
00:46:18,510 --> 00:46:20,210
It's a I think it's a thing that

1310
00:46:20,269 --> 00:46:23,070
you don't bring ego into it. There's no

1311
00:46:23,070 --> 00:46:25,230
point where you're like, I'm such a domly

1312
00:46:25,230 --> 00:46:27,070
dom. I have to be so much in

1313
00:46:27,070 --> 00:46:28,769
charge that I can never

1314
00:46:29,230 --> 00:46:29,890
be seen

1315
00:46:30,510 --> 00:46:31,010
asking

1316
00:46:31,664 --> 00:46:32,804
how to help. Right?

1317
00:46:33,184 --> 00:46:33,684
I'm

1318
00:46:34,144 --> 00:46:35,905
never gonna be impressed with the kind of

1319
00:46:35,905 --> 00:46:38,144
dom who just thinks they are just supposed

1320
00:46:38,144 --> 00:46:39,045
to know stuff

1321
00:46:39,344 --> 00:46:42,405
or treats their partner like their partner's input

1322
00:46:42,465 --> 00:46:44,864
is not important and not necessary, and that's

1323
00:46:44,864 --> 00:46:47,049
not just to kinks. We're talking about power

1324
00:46:47,049 --> 00:46:49,289
exchange, especially if you're long term, you're living

1325
00:46:49,289 --> 00:46:51,309
together, you're trying to build a life together.

1326
00:46:51,690 --> 00:46:53,069
You know, there's

1327
00:46:53,369 --> 00:46:55,449
so much more that goes into what it

1328
00:46:55,449 --> 00:46:57,449
means to be a domino sub in in

1329
00:46:57,449 --> 00:46:59,530
that relationship that has nothing to fucking do

1330
00:46:59,530 --> 00:47:02,054
with kinks. It's how you're navigating the whole

1331
00:47:02,054 --> 00:47:02,554
relationship.

1332
00:47:02,934 --> 00:47:05,255
But if a dom has this view or,

1333
00:47:05,255 --> 00:47:06,934
god, help us if the submissive has a

1334
00:47:06,934 --> 00:47:09,014
view of the dom of when you ask

1335
00:47:09,014 --> 00:47:11,414
for things that you're somehow no longer in

1336
00:47:11,414 --> 00:47:14,315
control or in charge. I've even seen

1337
00:47:14,855 --> 00:47:16,340
it's been a while, but, oh god, it

1338
00:47:16,340 --> 00:47:18,760
stuck with me. Seen as being weak,

1339
00:47:19,219 --> 00:47:21,719
weak to ask a question of your submissive.

1340
00:47:21,780 --> 00:47:24,180
No. We're we care about consent around here.

1341
00:47:24,180 --> 00:47:26,280
We care about actually doing stuff that's meaningful.

1342
00:47:26,500 --> 00:47:28,340
It's not meaningful to me if he comes

1343
00:47:28,340 --> 00:47:29,539
in and says, oh, I know I know

1344
00:47:29,539 --> 00:47:31,034
you need help. Here's what I'm gonna do.

1345
00:47:31,275 --> 00:47:33,295
And he's organizing paper clips

1346
00:47:33,594 --> 00:47:36,414
while, you know, I'm over here drowning in,

1347
00:47:36,795 --> 00:47:38,734
you know, paddles or something. Like,

1348
00:47:39,355 --> 00:47:40,335
you it's a

1349
00:47:41,594 --> 00:47:43,434
the best the best doms and subs, but

1350
00:47:43,434 --> 00:47:45,594
from a speaking as a as a the

1351
00:47:45,594 --> 00:47:47,010
best doms can

1352
00:47:47,570 --> 00:47:49,489
their ego is in the background. Like, yeah,

1353
00:47:49,489 --> 00:47:51,409
everybody's got some kind of ego. We have

1354
00:47:51,409 --> 00:47:54,050
these things we feel and, you know, try

1355
00:47:54,050 --> 00:47:56,150
to see ourselves out and try to be.

1356
00:47:56,610 --> 00:47:58,369
But it goes back to that quiet confidence

1357
00:47:58,369 --> 00:48:01,224
thing. He didn't Jimmy doesn't have to project

1358
00:48:01,224 --> 00:48:03,144
an image of what he thinks being a

1359
00:48:03,144 --> 00:48:05,244
dom means. He just has to be himself

1360
00:48:05,625 --> 00:48:07,864
and genuinely care about me as a human

1361
00:48:07,864 --> 00:48:10,025
being. And he's not always gonna get it

1362
00:48:10,025 --> 00:48:11,625
right. I'm not always gonna ask for help

1363
00:48:11,625 --> 00:48:12,445
when I should.

1364
00:48:13,144 --> 00:48:13,644
But

1365
00:48:14,025 --> 00:48:14,764
the whole,

1366
00:48:15,140 --> 00:48:17,300
hey. I'm here to be a partner with

1367
00:48:17,300 --> 00:48:19,000
you, and we're on the same team.

1368
00:48:19,619 --> 00:48:21,380
For us, as you know, in our relationship,

1369
00:48:21,380 --> 00:48:24,579
it extends way past the fuckery, way past

1370
00:48:24,579 --> 00:48:26,340
the what are we doing to be kinky,

1371
00:48:26,340 --> 00:48:28,579
and it's how we're living our life. That's

1372
00:48:28,579 --> 00:48:30,340
just there's a layer on top of that,

1373
00:48:30,340 --> 00:48:32,394
and really it's kind of interwoven of the

1374
00:48:32,394 --> 00:48:34,234
power exchange because the way we live our

1375
00:48:34,234 --> 00:48:36,554
power exchange is he is always the decider.

1376
00:48:36,554 --> 00:48:38,894
He is always daddy. We've said this before.

1377
00:48:39,275 --> 00:48:40,554
I'll say it again even though it makes

1378
00:48:40,554 --> 00:48:42,474
me, like, I have a feeling deep in

1379
00:48:42,474 --> 00:48:44,394
the pit of my stomach. He could say

1380
00:48:44,394 --> 00:48:44,894
tomorrow,

1381
00:48:46,139 --> 00:48:47,599
we don't do d s anymore.

1382
00:48:47,900 --> 00:48:49,980
I'm not your daddy dom. And whether he

1383
00:48:49,980 --> 00:48:51,900
likes it or not, he cannot control my

1384
00:48:51,900 --> 00:48:52,960
internal world.

1385
00:48:53,500 --> 00:48:55,659
I would still, to some extent, treat him

1386
00:48:55,659 --> 00:48:56,559
that way because

1387
00:48:57,019 --> 00:48:58,940
that's who we are together. I would not

1388
00:48:58,940 --> 00:49:00,494
use terms he did not want.

1389
00:49:00,974 --> 00:49:03,155
I would not I would stop doing activities.

1390
00:49:03,375 --> 00:49:05,295
But in my mind, he's he's always gonna

1391
00:49:05,295 --> 00:49:07,135
be my daddy. He's that's that's who the

1392
00:49:07,135 --> 00:49:08,775
fuck he is. He's not getting away with

1393
00:49:08,894 --> 00:49:09,635
from it

1394
00:49:09,934 --> 00:49:11,855
no matter what he does, no matter how

1395
00:49:11,855 --> 00:49:12,675
hard he tries.

1396
00:49:14,095 --> 00:49:16,949
But being the one in charge does not

1397
00:49:16,949 --> 00:49:19,750
just mean being the one to spout commands

1398
00:49:19,750 --> 00:49:21,989
and sit back like the grand poo ba,

1399
00:49:21,989 --> 00:49:24,230
and everybody's doing shit for you. It's getting

1400
00:49:24,230 --> 00:49:26,550
in there and getting your hands dirty and

1401
00:49:26,550 --> 00:49:27,690
getting shit done

1402
00:49:27,989 --> 00:49:29,609
in service of the relationship

1403
00:49:30,309 --> 00:49:32,684
and the well-being of your partner. That's true.

1404
00:49:32,844 --> 00:49:34,945
Either side of the slash, but, you know,

1405
00:49:35,885 --> 00:49:38,704
for these kinds of power exchange relationships, that's

1406
00:49:39,485 --> 00:49:41,164
what it takes and what it looks like.

1407
00:49:41,164 --> 00:49:44,065
Now what the it physically looks like

1408
00:49:44,765 --> 00:49:47,724
vastly different from from relationship to relationship. You

1409
00:49:47,724 --> 00:49:49,639
know? Some people are not gonna

1410
00:49:50,179 --> 00:49:51,880
stand there and let their

1411
00:49:52,260 --> 00:49:55,219
service witness walk them through making southern sweet

1412
00:49:55,219 --> 00:49:57,380
tea in the kitchen, but they might do

1413
00:49:57,380 --> 00:50:00,099
something else. They might offer something else. They

1414
00:50:00,099 --> 00:50:00,599
might,

1415
00:50:01,780 --> 00:50:03,880
show up in some way to help alleviate

1416
00:50:03,940 --> 00:50:04,735
the stress

1417
00:50:05,275 --> 00:50:07,434
in differently. But the point is is it's

1418
00:50:07,434 --> 00:50:09,034
gonna be stressful. These holidays is gonna be

1419
00:50:09,034 --> 00:50:11,614
stressful in life. And are you working together?

1420
00:50:12,394 --> 00:50:12,894
Or

1421
00:50:13,434 --> 00:50:15,355
is the submissive being thrown out there on

1422
00:50:15,355 --> 00:50:17,295
their own? And Dom's just like,

1423
00:50:17,755 --> 00:50:18,735
I'm just here

1424
00:50:19,195 --> 00:50:20,840
to get, you know, to get what I

1425
00:50:20,840 --> 00:50:22,199
want and for it to be about me,

1426
00:50:22,199 --> 00:50:23,719
and I hope you do good over there

1427
00:50:23,719 --> 00:50:25,260
or whatever. Like,

1428
00:50:26,039 --> 00:50:27,640
if you're ever like, am I in the

1429
00:50:27,640 --> 00:50:28,380
right relationship?

1430
00:50:28,920 --> 00:50:31,179
That's that's a potential test.

1431
00:50:31,640 --> 00:50:32,219
You know?

1432
00:50:32,920 --> 00:50:34,539
Are you a teen, or

1433
00:50:35,864 --> 00:50:37,784
is one of you doing making a lot

1434
00:50:37,784 --> 00:50:39,244
of effort and the other one

1435
00:50:39,864 --> 00:50:41,885
not so much? You know? Yeah.

1436
00:50:42,264 --> 00:50:44,264
So, yeah, the stress is gonna happen. It's

1437
00:50:44,264 --> 00:50:46,585
already happening. We're recording this in December. So

1438
00:50:46,585 --> 00:50:48,184
everybody's kind of probably in the thick of

1439
00:50:48,184 --> 00:50:49,945
it right now. If you have not had

1440
00:50:49,945 --> 00:50:51,405
the conversation with your partner

1441
00:50:51,840 --> 00:50:52,340
about

1442
00:50:52,720 --> 00:50:54,320
how you feel about the stress, what it's

1443
00:50:54,559 --> 00:50:57,140
how it's impacting your power exchange, we do

1444
00:50:57,519 --> 00:51:00,800
even less of our more outward physical power

1445
00:51:00,800 --> 00:51:01,780
exchange y stuff

1446
00:51:02,079 --> 00:51:04,000
at these this time of the year. It's

1447
00:51:04,000 --> 00:51:06,155
too busy for us. Too stressful. Right.

1448
00:51:06,614 --> 00:51:08,635
What it means though is 2 things. 1,

1449
00:51:09,094 --> 00:51:11,175
the little bit we can do, much more

1450
00:51:11,175 --> 00:51:13,515
meaningful because we know that it's like us

1451
00:51:13,894 --> 00:51:16,715
snatching away an opportunity. Count. Yeah. Right.

1452
00:51:17,030 --> 00:51:19,589
2, the moment things feel like they're slowing

1453
00:51:19,589 --> 00:51:21,109
down a little bit, and over the years,

1454
00:51:21,109 --> 00:51:22,469
we know kind of when that time frame

1455
00:51:22,469 --> 00:51:22,969
is,

1456
00:51:23,269 --> 00:51:25,510
we're gonna look for opportunities. We're gonna, like,

1457
00:51:25,510 --> 00:51:28,170
let's reconnect. Let's have a moment. Let's just

1458
00:51:29,030 --> 00:51:29,769
you know?

1459
00:51:30,744 --> 00:51:32,425
But I think it just makes it harder

1460
00:51:32,425 --> 00:51:34,585
if you aren't having the conversation about it.

1461
00:51:34,585 --> 00:51:36,184
If you're not laying it out there, like,

1462
00:51:36,184 --> 00:51:39,385
look, as you're submissive, I'm I I already

1463
00:51:39,385 --> 00:51:40,824
do these things, but now I've got these

1464
00:51:40,824 --> 00:51:43,065
things on top of it. Dom's, y'all do

1465
00:51:43,065 --> 00:51:46,470
shit ideally as the dom. And also as

1466
00:51:46,470 --> 00:51:47,050
a productive,

1467
00:51:47,590 --> 00:51:49,269
you know, human in the world, you've got

1468
00:51:49,269 --> 00:51:51,530
your things that you have to deal with.

1469
00:51:51,590 --> 00:51:53,349
And then you have the added stuff of

1470
00:51:53,349 --> 00:51:55,210
whatever the holidays brings to you. Right?

1471
00:51:56,204 --> 00:51:57,505
Neither of you are failing

1472
00:51:58,045 --> 00:52:00,285
if that other stuff is getting in the

1473
00:52:00,285 --> 00:52:03,164
way, but I think you're doing yourself as

1474
00:52:03,164 --> 00:52:05,985
an individual and the power exchange a disservice

1475
00:52:06,125 --> 00:52:07,724
if you don't just sit down and go,

1476
00:52:07,724 --> 00:52:09,099
look. This sucks right now, and how are

1477
00:52:09,099 --> 00:52:10,539
we gonna get through it? And what do

1478
00:52:10,539 --> 00:52:12,380
we need to calm down on? And what

1479
00:52:12,380 --> 00:52:13,659
can we where can we pick up the

1480
00:52:13,659 --> 00:52:16,139
slack for each other? And also, let's remember

1481
00:52:16,139 --> 00:52:17,359
we like one another.

1482
00:52:17,659 --> 00:52:19,500
And after these holidays are over, we'd like

1483
00:52:19,500 --> 00:52:20,559
to still be together.

1484
00:52:21,900 --> 00:52:24,065
Yeah. That's a thing I say to JB

1485
00:52:24,125 --> 00:52:25,425
a lot. Like, woah. Woah.

1486
00:52:26,525 --> 00:52:29,105
Woah. Yeah. This this moment sucks, but

1487
00:52:29,724 --> 00:52:31,724
we're still gonna like, we need to be

1488
00:52:31,724 --> 00:52:33,565
nice to one another now because we still

1489
00:52:33,565 --> 00:52:35,344
wanna be together then. So

1490
00:52:36,449 --> 00:52:38,670
remember we're on the same team? Mhmm. Mhmm.

1491
00:52:38,690 --> 00:52:39,510
And some of that's

1492
00:52:39,889 --> 00:52:42,369
old habits from before you got kinky and

1493
00:52:42,369 --> 00:52:43,730
before power change was a thing. You just

1494
00:52:43,730 --> 00:52:45,329
bring that stuff over because you went through

1495
00:52:45,329 --> 00:52:47,570
shit or you had partners who, you know,

1496
00:52:47,570 --> 00:52:49,409
did not pay attention to you or, you

1497
00:52:49,409 --> 00:52:52,724
know, you you handled things in ways that,

1498
00:52:53,105 --> 00:52:55,364
you know, might have been about gender expectations

1499
00:52:55,425 --> 00:52:58,244
and societal norms, but don't fit power exchange.

1500
00:52:59,585 --> 00:53:00,724
And most people

1501
00:53:01,824 --> 00:53:04,065
are if they're thinking about the communication they

1502
00:53:04,065 --> 00:53:06,590
need, they're thinking about what's what am I

1503
00:53:06,590 --> 00:53:07,710
doing as a dom? What am I doing

1504
00:53:07,710 --> 00:53:09,469
as a sub? What kinks are we doing?

1505
00:53:09,469 --> 00:53:11,070
What kind of scenes are we doing? And

1506
00:53:11,070 --> 00:53:13,190
and too many people forget, oh, yeah. We

1507
00:53:13,309 --> 00:53:16,269
we've gotta survive this family meal together. You

1508
00:53:16,269 --> 00:53:19,710
know? What that most people aren't negotiating that

1509
00:53:19,710 --> 00:53:21,309
until they're in the thick of it or

1510
00:53:21,309 --> 00:53:24,125
it's the aftermath and it didn't go well.

1511
00:53:24,425 --> 00:53:26,925
And you're like, what just happened to us?

1512
00:53:27,305 --> 00:53:29,465
Where did our power exchange go? And so

1513
00:53:29,465 --> 00:53:31,644
you're dealing with it in the aftermath. So,

1514
00:53:32,025 --> 00:53:34,105
you know, if you've got time, talk about

1515
00:53:34,105 --> 00:53:34,739
it now

1516
00:53:35,219 --> 00:53:37,880
is, is my whole is my whole point.

1517
00:53:38,179 --> 00:53:39,159
That's all I'm saying.

1518
00:53:40,739 --> 00:53:42,659
What wisdom would you add since I

1519
00:53:44,980 --> 00:53:46,659
you know, I I think I'd just say,

1520
00:53:46,659 --> 00:53:48,260
this at this time of the year, you

1521
00:53:48,260 --> 00:53:50,199
need to be kind to yourself. Mhmm.

1522
00:53:51,394 --> 00:53:54,275
And and remember that your partner needs a

1523
00:53:54,275 --> 00:53:56,835
little extra kindness too. They're probably not doing

1524
00:53:56,835 --> 00:53:58,855
this whatever they're doing to piss you off.

1525
00:53:59,074 --> 00:54:00,454
Probably going through it themselves.

1526
00:54:00,835 --> 00:54:02,934
So yeah. You know.

1527
00:54:03,579 --> 00:54:04,079
But,

1528
00:54:04,699 --> 00:54:06,300
I know I'm looking forward to rocking up

1529
00:54:06,300 --> 00:54:09,359
to the Christmas dinner and full leather gear

1530
00:54:09,819 --> 00:54:12,859
and paddles and vloggers hanging off utility belt,

1531
00:54:12,859 --> 00:54:15,440
you know. And see who's intimidating

1532
00:54:15,900 --> 00:54:16,400
then.

1533
00:54:27,175 --> 00:54:29,494
There's I imagine there's gonna come a point

1534
00:54:29,494 --> 00:54:31,440
in our life because, you know, I'm

1535
00:54:33,340 --> 00:54:34,559
if the boys,

1536
00:54:35,500 --> 00:54:36,160
you know,

1537
00:54:36,619 --> 00:54:37,920
get married in

1538
00:54:38,380 --> 00:54:39,039
a hetero

1539
00:54:39,340 --> 00:54:39,840
appearing

1540
00:54:40,300 --> 00:54:40,800
relationship,

1541
00:54:41,420 --> 00:54:44,699
there's that sort of jokey meme trope thing

1542
00:54:44,699 --> 00:54:47,554
of, oh my god. I'm I'm, you know,

1543
00:54:47,554 --> 00:54:48,934
dad's mom. Right?

1544
00:54:50,275 --> 00:54:52,114
And and dad's side of the family is

1545
00:54:52,114 --> 00:54:54,375
usually like, does anybody even know they exist?

1546
00:54:55,154 --> 00:54:56,994
And I get it because I'm very was

1547
00:54:56,994 --> 00:54:58,674
always very tight and have been very tight

1548
00:54:58,674 --> 00:54:59,954
with my mom and my mom's side of

1549
00:54:59,954 --> 00:55:00,534
the family.

1550
00:55:01,739 --> 00:55:03,500
So that makes me think that there will

1551
00:55:03,500 --> 00:55:05,659
probably be times in the future where our

1552
00:55:05,659 --> 00:55:07,579
holidays will literally be just the 2 of

1553
00:55:07,579 --> 00:55:09,440
us. Mhmm. And you know what?

1554
00:55:10,139 --> 00:55:11,659
I think I could see us having a

1555
00:55:11,659 --> 00:55:14,375
very kinky Christmas. Yep. It's just to do

1556
00:55:14,375 --> 00:55:16,855
it. Mhmm. Those boys better call before they

1557
00:55:16,855 --> 00:55:17,594
come over.

1558
00:55:21,734 --> 00:55:23,175
And they'll get an eye full of something

1559
00:55:23,175 --> 00:55:24,074
they can't unsee.

1560
00:55:24,614 --> 00:55:26,909
That's and, you know, I use that. I

1561
00:55:26,909 --> 00:55:28,750
use that with my my, like, my aunt,

1562
00:55:28,750 --> 00:55:29,550
and I don't have to use it with

1563
00:55:29,550 --> 00:55:30,989
my mom. She's already, like, I don't wanna

1564
00:55:30,989 --> 00:55:31,489
know.

1565
00:55:32,109 --> 00:55:33,869
But I use it with the kids too.

1566
00:55:33,869 --> 00:55:35,469
They're they'll get a little curious. You know,

1567
00:55:35,469 --> 00:55:37,869
the oldest is legal adult age. He asked

1568
00:55:37,869 --> 00:55:40,429
something. I'm much more prone to answer it

1569
00:55:40,429 --> 00:55:42,224
because I'm like, yeah. You

1570
00:55:42,785 --> 00:55:45,045
you're an adult, technically, on paper.

1571
00:55:45,905 --> 00:55:48,224
But that's my go to. You can't unknow

1572
00:55:48,224 --> 00:55:51,445
this. So Right. Choose wisely. Choose wisely.

1573
00:55:53,345 --> 00:55:56,449
So yeah. But now speaking of family and

1574
00:55:56,449 --> 00:55:58,369
kinky stuff, I was very proud of my

1575
00:55:58,369 --> 00:56:00,230
mother the last time she was in town.

1576
00:56:01,250 --> 00:56:04,130
She not only walked into this space that

1577
00:56:04,130 --> 00:56:05,889
we're recording in, which is our office and

1578
00:56:05,889 --> 00:56:08,295
inventory, blah blah blah. She, like, sat down

1579
00:56:08,295 --> 00:56:09,655
and talked for a while while I was

1580
00:56:09,655 --> 00:56:11,494
working at the computer. And there's I mean,

1581
00:56:11,494 --> 00:56:13,574
we have paddles stacked everywhere. We have all

1582
00:56:13,574 --> 00:56:14,714
kinds of shit everywhere.

1583
00:56:15,255 --> 00:56:16,074
Our boards,

1584
00:56:16,375 --> 00:56:18,234
podcast listeners, you can't see them.

1585
00:56:18,694 --> 00:56:20,694
For the video, we have background, and we

1586
00:56:20,694 --> 00:56:21,914
have a, like, a kinky

1587
00:56:22,369 --> 00:56:22,869
sex

1588
00:56:23,170 --> 00:56:25,190
sticker board in the background.

1589
00:56:25,809 --> 00:56:27,730
Mhmm. She sat where JB sits, which is

1590
00:56:27,730 --> 00:56:29,570
directly in front of that sticker board, and

1591
00:56:29,570 --> 00:56:31,890
never batted an eyelash. She was I was

1592
00:56:31,890 --> 00:56:33,030
like, look at you.

1593
00:56:33,570 --> 00:56:35,684
Look at you being around it without having

1594
00:56:35,684 --> 00:56:37,844
to, like, know too many details. And I

1595
00:56:37,844 --> 00:56:40,164
think I was wrapping handles for You absolutely

1596
00:56:40,164 --> 00:56:42,285
were. You know? Yeah. You absolutely were. So

1597
00:56:42,405 --> 00:56:42,905
yeah.

1598
00:56:45,445 --> 00:56:47,285
There's no one way to do any of

1599
00:56:47,285 --> 00:56:49,210
this. It's gonna be unique unique to your

1600
00:56:49,210 --> 00:56:51,289
situation, your Right. You know, your family, your

1601
00:56:51,289 --> 00:56:52,190
partner, your who you are as a person.

1602
00:56:52,289 --> 00:56:52,489
I just

1603
00:56:53,210 --> 00:56:55,869
like everything, I think it's the thing

1604
00:56:56,410 --> 00:56:58,650
we have to be reminded of is it's

1605
00:56:58,650 --> 00:57:00,650
worth a conversation before you find yourself in

1606
00:57:00,650 --> 00:57:00,697
the thick of it. Yeah. You know? Yeah.

1607
00:57:00,697 --> 00:57:01,215
You know? Yeah. You know?

1608
00:57:01,855 --> 00:57:03,855
It's worth a conversation before you find yourself

1609
00:57:03,855 --> 00:57:05,235
in the thick of it. You know?

1610
00:57:06,094 --> 00:57:06,594
And

1611
00:57:06,974 --> 00:57:09,295
your power exchange can be good for a

1612
00:57:09,295 --> 00:57:11,614
lot of things. It can provide structure maybe

1613
00:57:11,614 --> 00:57:12,974
that you want, and it can provide guidance

1614
00:57:12,974 --> 00:57:14,400
for how you wanna live your life.

1615
00:57:14,960 --> 00:57:17,779
There will always be outside factors extenuating

1616
00:57:18,079 --> 00:57:20,799
circumstances that are there to potentially blow it

1617
00:57:20,799 --> 00:57:21,619
all to hell.

1618
00:57:23,679 --> 00:57:24,179
And,

1619
00:57:24,480 --> 00:57:26,239
you know, being aware of that is part

1620
00:57:26,239 --> 00:57:27,059
of it and

1621
00:57:27,735 --> 00:57:29,414
kind of flowing with it until you can

1622
00:57:29,414 --> 00:57:31,655
get back to whatever air quote normal looks

1623
00:57:31,655 --> 00:57:33,835
like for you. It's another part. So

1624
00:57:35,255 --> 00:57:35,755
yeah.

1625
00:57:38,855 --> 00:57:39,355
Yeah.

1626
00:57:40,940 --> 00:57:42,960
So that's that on that, I think.

1627
00:57:43,579 --> 00:57:44,139
Are we,

1628
00:57:45,099 --> 00:57:46,960
Yeah. We'll go into a bonus section.

1629
00:57:47,339 --> 00:57:49,440
Reminder, if you're on Blue Sky,

1630
00:57:49,739 --> 00:57:52,059
so are we. Literally just in the search,

1631
00:57:52,059 --> 00:57:54,139
type our names, we'll come up.

1632
00:57:54,605 --> 00:57:56,204
We're still little baby accounts, so you can

1633
00:57:56,204 --> 00:57:58,125
easily like, if you find me, Kayla Lords,

1634
00:57:58,125 --> 00:58:00,764
you'll find every everything else, right, in in

1635
00:58:00,764 --> 00:58:02,844
who I'm following. Yep. So yeah. So there's

1636
00:58:02,844 --> 00:58:03,664
that. Mhmm.

1637
00:58:04,045 --> 00:58:06,525
So are we good? I don't know. It's

1638
00:58:06,525 --> 00:58:07,664
not for me to say.

1639
00:58:08,630 --> 00:58:10,650
Keep it kinky, y'all. And we'll see

1640
00:58:12,630 --> 00:58:13,130
you

1641
00:58:15,110 --> 00:58:15,610
next

1642
00:58:17,590 --> 00:58:18,090
week.

1643
00:58:20,070 --> 00:58:21,130
Yes, baby girl.

1644
00:58:21,750 --> 00:58:23,474
Can we talk to the crickets?

1645
00:58:23,775 --> 00:58:26,275
You can. We can. Thank you.

1646
00:58:27,214 --> 00:58:29,855
We are you. Who's talking to the crickets?

1647
00:58:29,855 --> 00:58:30,755
What have you got?

1648
00:58:31,295 --> 00:58:32,275
Bonus section.

1649
00:58:32,574 --> 00:58:32,894
We,

1650
00:58:34,175 --> 00:58:35,795
we went to see the oldest perform

1651
00:58:36,179 --> 00:58:38,980
last night. Yes. Brass band. Brass band. It's

1652
00:58:39,059 --> 00:58:40,500
he just joined this,

1653
00:58:40,900 --> 00:58:41,639
school year.

1654
00:58:41,940 --> 00:58:43,539
We missed the first concert of the year

1655
00:58:43,539 --> 00:58:45,219
because he decided to tell us about it

1656
00:58:45,219 --> 00:58:47,619
the day before. Yeah. In the same week,

1657
00:58:47,619 --> 00:58:49,215
he had another concert that we had already

1658
00:58:49,215 --> 00:58:50,494
planned on going to. I was like, we

1659
00:58:50,494 --> 00:58:51,855
cannot do all of these things in one

1660
00:58:51,855 --> 00:58:52,355
week.

1661
00:58:53,695 --> 00:58:55,055
So we got to go. You know? It

1662
00:58:55,055 --> 00:58:57,454
was Christmas themed. Mhmm. And it was really

1663
00:58:57,454 --> 00:58:59,614
good. Mhmm. It was really good. That was

1664
00:58:59,614 --> 00:59:02,094
really pleasant to to watch. And he did

1665
00:59:02,094 --> 00:59:02,755
a trio,

1666
00:59:03,880 --> 00:59:04,380
for,

1667
00:59:05,079 --> 00:59:06,679
a song. I can't remember the name of

1668
00:59:06,679 --> 00:59:09,000
it now. And he texted me before, and

1669
00:59:09,000 --> 00:59:10,039
I knew he was in it. And I

1670
00:59:10,039 --> 00:59:11,159
saw his name on the program. I was

1671
00:59:11,159 --> 00:59:13,079
like, oh. And he goes, you're gonna record

1672
00:59:13,079 --> 00:59:14,780
that. Right? I'm like, I'm gonna try.

1673
00:59:15,159 --> 00:59:16,775
So I recorded it for him. I sent

1674
00:59:16,775 --> 00:59:18,055
it to him. He's like, oh, I sounded

1675
00:59:18,055 --> 00:59:19,175
good. I was like, good. I didn't know

1676
00:59:19,175 --> 00:59:20,235
what I was hearing.

1677
00:59:20,535 --> 00:59:22,135
So I just was like, that's my baby.

1678
00:59:22,135 --> 00:59:23,355
And Mhmm. You know?

1679
00:59:23,894 --> 00:59:24,394
But,

1680
00:59:25,015 --> 00:59:27,575
you know, that was good. It was. And

1681
00:59:27,575 --> 00:59:29,094
he has gotten to a point, you know,

1682
00:59:29,094 --> 00:59:31,349
freshman year especially, he was like, okay. You've

1683
00:59:31,349 --> 00:59:32,710
you've come in with me. Let's go get

1684
00:59:32,710 --> 00:59:34,569
food. And now he's like, I am tired.

1685
00:59:34,869 --> 00:59:37,190
Mhmm. Y'all have a good safe trip home.

1686
00:59:37,190 --> 00:59:39,429
I'm going to bed. I'm going to sleep.

1687
00:59:39,429 --> 00:59:41,609
I'm too tired for this. I'm like, I

1688
00:59:41,750 --> 00:59:43,605
love this because I spend a lot less

1689
00:59:43,605 --> 00:59:46,425
money now on these trips. Yeah. Yep.

1690
00:59:48,085 --> 00:59:49,224
So yeah.

1691
00:59:51,605 --> 00:59:52,965
You can't see it. It's off camera. In

1692
00:59:52,965 --> 00:59:54,565
podcast listeners, you can't see it at all.

1693
00:59:54,565 --> 00:59:57,090
We do have our office Christmas tree.

1694
00:59:57,489 --> 00:59:59,489
I have found 2 of the ornaments for

1695
00:59:59,489 --> 00:59:59,989
it.

1696
01:00:00,610 --> 01:00:02,869
We don't have kinky ornaments. God, we should.

1697
01:00:03,410 --> 01:00:05,570
But we do have coffee themed ornaments. Mhmm.

1698
01:00:05,570 --> 01:00:09,030
So, hopefully, we've got 2 episodes left before

1699
01:00:09,410 --> 01:00:10,610
we go on our break,

1700
01:00:10,930 --> 01:00:12,614
for the end of the year. So, hopefully,

1701
01:00:12,614 --> 01:00:15,014
we will get our tree up. But as

1702
01:00:15,014 --> 01:00:17,255
somebody who was told 5 days ago that

1703
01:00:17,255 --> 01:00:19,434
she needed to fluff our tree

1704
01:00:20,135 --> 01:00:21,195
in the living room,

1705
01:00:21,655 --> 01:00:23,494
I hope nobody is counting on me to

1706
01:00:23,494 --> 01:00:24,869
get the tree out.

1707
01:00:25,570 --> 01:00:27,989
I I made her the designated fluffer.

1708
01:00:28,369 --> 01:00:30,369
I I it is it is a part

1709
01:00:30,369 --> 01:00:32,710
of dealing with a Christmas tree that I

1710
01:00:32,929 --> 01:00:35,809
am okay with. I it's kinda satisfying and

1711
01:00:35,809 --> 01:00:36,929
soothing to me as long as I don't

1712
01:00:36,929 --> 01:00:38,835
get bored. If get bored, oh my god.

1713
01:00:38,835 --> 01:00:40,275
I just wanna wander away. But if I

1714
01:00:40,275 --> 01:00:42,114
can get into the zone of it, I

1715
01:00:42,114 --> 01:00:43,795
love it because then I've got this nice

1716
01:00:43,795 --> 01:00:46,454
fat, floofy artificial tree when we're done.

1717
01:00:46,835 --> 01:00:47,735
But I have

1718
01:00:48,594 --> 01:00:48,835
we

1719
01:00:50,434 --> 01:00:52,434
our Black Friday did not go the way

1720
01:00:52,434 --> 01:00:54,119
we thought it would for the kinkery.

1721
01:00:55,539 --> 01:00:57,940
And our our Black Friday, like, oh, biggest

1722
01:00:57,940 --> 01:01:00,179
sales year. Everybody's shopping. For us, that was

1723
01:01:00,179 --> 01:01:02,199
this weekend instead of, like, the Friday

1724
01:01:03,059 --> 01:01:05,780
is delightful. I'm not complaining. But it's meant

1725
01:01:05,780 --> 01:01:07,614
that I've spent it's Wednesday now as we're

1726
01:01:07,614 --> 01:01:09,394
recording. I've spent the past 3 days

1727
01:01:10,255 --> 01:01:12,255
dealing with just the stuff that came up

1728
01:01:12,255 --> 01:01:14,014
from that. And I was like like, 12

1729
01:01:14,014 --> 01:01:16,174
hour days. And then the yesterday, we're stopping

1730
01:01:16,174 --> 01:01:18,194
everything so we can go to our performance.

1731
01:01:18,255 --> 01:01:19,714
We've got this and that. I'm like,

1732
01:01:20,094 --> 01:01:22,130
I I would love to floof the tree.

1733
01:01:22,349 --> 01:01:24,449
I'm not sure when I'm I can.

1734
01:01:25,630 --> 01:01:27,549
I mean, good lord, Sunday night. I was

1735
01:01:27,549 --> 01:01:30,049
like, Jimmy, here's how you make sweet tea.

1736
01:01:30,589 --> 01:01:32,349
Yeah. And actually, it was like, here's how

1737
01:01:32,349 --> 01:01:33,650
I make sweet tea.

1738
01:01:34,190 --> 01:01:34,690
Yeah.

1739
01:01:36,515 --> 01:01:38,355
But no. I'm also the one I think

1740
01:01:38,355 --> 01:01:40,675
I said this last time. I don't I'm

1741
01:01:40,675 --> 01:01:42,515
fine if there's no decorations on our tree.

1742
01:01:42,515 --> 01:01:44,295
It's really pretty just the lights.

1743
01:01:45,715 --> 01:01:47,555
But I do see that the decorations are

1744
01:01:47,555 --> 01:01:49,394
sitting out. Are they sitting out waiting for

1745
01:01:49,394 --> 01:01:50,519
me to floof the tree?

1746
01:01:51,719 --> 01:01:53,800
Do I have to put decorations on the

1747
01:01:53,800 --> 01:01:55,340
tree? No. Oh, yay.

1748
01:01:55,640 --> 01:01:57,260
Okay. I feel like I have incentive.

1749
01:01:57,880 --> 01:01:59,320
All I asked is for you to fluff

1750
01:01:59,320 --> 01:02:01,900
the tree. I know. You asked, like, literally.

1751
01:02:02,885 --> 01:02:04,324
God, did you put the trip day of

1752
01:02:04,324 --> 01:02:07,045
Thanksgiving or day couple days after? Day after.

1753
01:02:07,045 --> 01:02:07,704
Day after.

1754
01:02:10,964 --> 01:02:14,244
Yeah. I I feel awful, but but I

1755
01:02:14,244 --> 01:02:16,559
think in my defense, I have not been

1756
01:02:16,559 --> 01:02:18,400
sitting down to just be done until, like,

1757
01:02:18,400 --> 01:02:20,239
10 o'clock at night every day. See, I

1758
01:02:20,239 --> 01:02:21,840
I did not make it a task for

1759
01:02:21,840 --> 01:02:23,680
her either. No. Oh, god. The pressure. It

1760
01:02:23,680 --> 01:02:25,699
would have been done with the pressure. Yeah.

1761
01:02:26,640 --> 01:02:27,699
So The pressure.

1762
01:02:28,079 --> 01:02:29,940
But, you know, last year,

1763
01:02:30,824 --> 01:02:32,684
the way things played out for Christmas,

1764
01:02:33,144 --> 01:02:34,905
we were lucky to even get our tree

1765
01:02:34,905 --> 01:02:36,984
up. That's true. That's true. You were doing

1766
01:02:36,984 --> 01:02:39,724
better this year. And and and no decorations

1767
01:02:39,945 --> 01:02:40,684
on it.

1768
01:02:41,065 --> 01:02:42,925
And this year, I wanted to

1769
01:02:43,304 --> 01:02:46,000
make sure some stuff got put out. Yeah.

1770
01:02:46,000 --> 01:02:47,300
You know, I wanted the tree,

1771
01:02:47,840 --> 01:02:48,400
got the,

1772
01:02:49,519 --> 01:02:50,019
stockings

1773
01:02:50,320 --> 01:02:51,599
all hung on the the the bottom. You

1774
01:02:51,599 --> 01:02:53,460
do stockings every year. Yeah.

1775
01:02:53,920 --> 01:02:54,239
And,

1776
01:02:56,160 --> 01:02:58,324
did some of the stuff outdoors outside. I've

1777
01:02:58,324 --> 01:02:59,844
got a couple more things to put up

1778
01:02:59,844 --> 01:03:01,065
outside. Mhmm.

1779
01:03:02,085 --> 01:03:03,924
But the thing I wanted to make sure

1780
01:03:03,924 --> 01:03:04,424
too,

1781
01:03:06,085 --> 01:03:06,904
my mom

1782
01:03:08,005 --> 01:03:08,824
did a,

1783
01:03:09,284 --> 01:03:11,224
she was into ceramics for a while,

1784
01:03:12,039 --> 01:03:14,059
and she, she did some ceramics

1785
01:03:14,759 --> 01:03:16,380
and she has a

1786
01:03:17,960 --> 01:03:20,059
ceramic Christmas village. Mhmm.

1787
01:03:20,920 --> 01:03:22,299
And also ceramic

1788
01:03:23,079 --> 01:03:23,579
tree

1789
01:03:24,785 --> 01:03:27,265
And I wanted to, put that stuff out

1790
01:03:27,265 --> 01:03:28,785
this year. We still need to get go

1791
01:03:28,785 --> 01:03:30,724
get light bulbs that fit it. Yeah.

1792
01:03:31,425 --> 01:03:33,025
Yep. Mhmm. So,

1793
01:03:33,505 --> 01:03:35,425
yeah. That was kinda neat. But, you know,

1794
01:03:35,425 --> 01:03:36,965
yeah. And and put the,

1795
01:03:37,380 --> 01:03:38,980
got the nutcrackers. I put them all up

1796
01:03:38,980 --> 01:03:41,059
on, you know, up on top. This high

1797
01:03:41,059 --> 01:03:43,299
spot in our living room, dining room area

1798
01:03:43,299 --> 01:03:43,799
that

1799
01:03:44,099 --> 01:03:46,179
I mean, I Onyx likes to jump up

1800
01:03:46,179 --> 01:03:47,779
there. It's way up high. Like Yeah. You

1801
01:03:47,779 --> 01:03:49,139
have to get out the big ladder to

1802
01:03:49,139 --> 01:03:51,219
get up there. Mhmm. Yeah. I came in

1803
01:03:51,219 --> 01:03:52,119
through the

1804
01:03:53,434 --> 01:03:55,594
front door from something I probably run-in an

1805
01:03:55,594 --> 01:03:57,034
errand. I had to I had to go

1806
01:03:57,034 --> 01:03:58,554
get some stuff done. And,

1807
01:03:59,114 --> 01:04:00,875
I walk in and I just I'm like,

1808
01:04:00,875 --> 01:04:02,554
I just don't normally walk through the front

1809
01:04:02,554 --> 01:04:04,155
door and look up. Mhmm. I looked at

1810
01:04:04,155 --> 01:04:05,695
everyone, oh, all the nutcrackers.

1811
01:04:07,440 --> 01:04:09,519
So there's a nutcracker. I don't know if

1812
01:04:09,519 --> 01:04:10,880
it's an ornament or if it's just a

1813
01:04:10,880 --> 01:04:12,980
little tchotchke thing where

1814
01:04:14,320 --> 01:04:15,599
when it opens I don't know if you've

1815
01:04:15,599 --> 01:04:17,059
seen this online. When it opens,

1816
01:04:17,440 --> 01:04:19,925
it's not his mouth opening to correct it's

1817
01:04:20,164 --> 01:04:22,164
I yeah. I saw that. Yeah. It's a

1818
01:04:22,164 --> 01:04:24,405
dick popping out, and I'm like, I want

1819
01:04:24,405 --> 01:04:26,344
that. Yep. Not bad enough to go

1820
01:04:26,644 --> 01:04:28,485
seek it out, but I was, okay. I'll

1821
01:04:28,485 --> 01:04:29,864
take that take that to heartbeat.

1822
01:04:30,164 --> 01:04:30,664
Yeah.

1823
01:04:30,965 --> 01:04:31,445
Bad,

1824
01:04:32,164 --> 01:04:32,905
bad design.

1825
01:04:33,860 --> 01:04:35,460
I think that was a purposeful design, but

1826
01:04:35,460 --> 01:04:37,699
maybe bad design. I I I think it

1827
01:04:37,699 --> 01:04:39,559
was, I saw that

1828
01:04:39,860 --> 01:04:41,079
on, Refashioned.

1829
01:04:42,019 --> 01:04:42,519
Hippie.

1830
01:04:42,820 --> 01:04:43,320
Mhmm.

1831
01:04:43,699 --> 01:04:44,199
Yeah.

1832
01:04:44,579 --> 01:04:46,364
You follow her on Instagram? Yeah. I just

1833
01:04:46,364 --> 01:04:46,463
discovered she's got a YouTube channel. YouTube channel.

1834
01:04:46,463 --> 01:04:46,905
Yeah. Mhmm. I love her.

1835
01:04:47,784 --> 01:04:48,284
Discovered

1836
01:04:48,824 --> 01:04:49,885
she's got a YouTube channel. Channel. Yeah. Mhmm.

1837
01:04:49,885 --> 01:04:50,065
I love her. Her her humor is We

1838
01:04:50,065 --> 01:04:51,625
are very we are very curious about we

1839
01:04:51,625 --> 01:04:53,565
would never ask we'd never

1840
01:04:54,344 --> 01:04:55,324
come and ask,

1841
01:04:56,344 --> 01:04:57,164
is she kinky?

1842
01:05:00,609 --> 01:05:01,889
Mhmm. There have been a couple times I've

1843
01:05:01,889 --> 01:05:03,190
seen things that look like collars,

1844
01:05:03,889 --> 01:05:05,809
but I I often forget that that's a

1845
01:05:05,809 --> 01:05:07,349
fashion statement to some people.

1846
01:05:07,650 --> 01:05:09,489
So I'm like Well, she's she she has

1847
01:05:09,489 --> 01:05:11,570
made some comments in some of her her

1848
01:05:11,570 --> 01:05:14,449
reels that kinda had me. Yeah. And she

1849
01:05:14,449 --> 01:05:17,264
seems if nothing else, she seems like like

1850
01:05:17,264 --> 01:05:18,625
kind of she even did a real where

1851
01:05:18,625 --> 01:05:20,144
she goes, we do not kink shame here,

1852
01:05:20,144 --> 01:05:21,364
but we do kink

1853
01:05:21,664 --> 01:05:23,684
question why this exists. Yeah.

1854
01:05:24,304 --> 01:05:24,804
Yeah.

1855
01:05:25,264 --> 01:05:28,304
So yeah. Mhmm. Refashion Hippie on Instagram and

1856
01:05:28,304 --> 01:05:30,005
apparently on YouTube. Yeah.

1857
01:05:33,650 --> 01:05:35,750
No. What else? Ouch. Lola,

1858
01:05:36,449 --> 01:05:36,949
Aminis.

1859
01:05:37,250 --> 01:05:38,929
Mhmm. She I think we said this last

1860
01:05:38,929 --> 01:05:41,010
week. This weather that we've had, she freaking

1861
01:05:41,010 --> 01:05:42,289
loves it. She's in and out, in and

1862
01:05:42,289 --> 01:05:43,824
out, in and out. I just you let

1863
01:05:43,824 --> 01:05:45,105
her out a few minutes ago, and I

1864
01:05:45,105 --> 01:05:46,785
heard this thump on the side of the

1865
01:05:46,785 --> 01:05:48,465
house, and I realized that's her just, like,

1866
01:05:48,465 --> 01:05:50,385
plopping down in the warm rocks in the

1867
01:05:50,385 --> 01:05:50,885
sun.

1868
01:05:51,664 --> 01:05:53,765
She is baking like a potato out there.

1869
01:05:54,545 --> 01:05:56,885
I almost was tempted to join her yesterday.

1870
01:05:57,505 --> 01:05:59,719
You You have just walked around perpetually frozen.

1871
01:05:59,719 --> 01:06:01,239
Yeah. I'm over here going, this is the

1872
01:06:01,239 --> 01:06:03,719
best. I love this temperature. And he's like,

1873
01:06:03,719 --> 01:06:05,340
I'm a little icicle.

1874
01:06:07,320 --> 01:06:09,079
I feel bad for you, but also I'm

1875
01:06:09,079 --> 01:06:11,525
so excited to just not be so stinking

1876
01:06:11,525 --> 01:06:13,605
hot. I know. I know. You know? And

1877
01:06:13,605 --> 01:06:15,204
I'm I am I'm I am happy for

1878
01:06:15,204 --> 01:06:15,704
you.

1879
01:06:16,164 --> 01:06:16,904
I am.

1880
01:06:17,444 --> 01:06:19,464
I'm happy for you that you, you know,

1881
01:06:21,364 --> 01:06:22,984
have have managed to reach

1882
01:06:23,349 --> 01:06:25,510
some kind of tempered agreement there, you know.

1883
01:06:25,510 --> 01:06:26,010
I

1884
01:06:26,869 --> 01:06:27,690
part of it is

1885
01:06:28,710 --> 01:06:30,010
absolutely this weather,

1886
01:06:30,550 --> 01:06:32,869
and we you know, it's nice enough that

1887
01:06:32,869 --> 01:06:35,030
we don't we we don't run the heat.

1888
01:06:35,030 --> 01:06:36,710
We'll open the windows. If if it gets

1889
01:06:36,710 --> 01:06:37,989
a little bit more moderate, we'll have the

1890
01:06:37,989 --> 01:06:39,255
windows open. It's a little too cold even

1891
01:06:39,255 --> 01:06:40,394
for us to open the windows.

1892
01:06:41,574 --> 01:06:43,034
I think also my HRT

1893
01:06:43,494 --> 01:06:46,234
has started kinda kicking in Mhmm. Better.

1894
01:06:46,534 --> 01:06:49,434
So I'm feeling feeling the benefits of that.

1895
01:06:50,750 --> 01:06:51,569
So yeah.

1896
01:06:54,349 --> 01:06:56,670
But, yeah, that's us. Me, you know, I'm

1897
01:06:56,670 --> 01:06:59,089
just I'm I'm doing my shop thing.

1898
01:07:00,109 --> 01:07:02,849
Mhmm. I've it's early December,

1899
01:07:03,630 --> 01:07:05,789
and that's still technically enough time, but I

1900
01:07:05,789 --> 01:07:08,804
just pulled up, like, search tab things of

1901
01:07:08,804 --> 01:07:10,985
what to get our children for Christmas.

1902
01:07:11,445 --> 01:07:13,465
Oh, yeah. Extended family? Oh, yeah.

1903
01:07:14,085 --> 01:07:16,485
Extended family's getting homemade shit. They don't mind.

1904
01:07:16,485 --> 01:07:18,565
Every like, my mom loves that stuff. My

1905
01:07:18,565 --> 01:07:19,789
aunt is just as broke as we are.

1906
01:07:19,789 --> 01:07:21,230
She was like, I might not get you

1907
01:07:21,230 --> 01:07:22,829
anything. I was like, please don't. You cannot

1908
01:07:22,909 --> 01:07:24,110
I know what's going on in your life.

1909
01:07:24,110 --> 01:07:25,710
You cannot afford it. Do not worry. Yeah.

1910
01:07:25,710 --> 01:07:27,710
I know. So everybody's focusing on the kids

1911
01:07:27,710 --> 01:07:29,250
this year, which is fine.

1912
01:07:30,750 --> 01:07:31,889
But, yeah, I was like,

1913
01:07:32,304 --> 01:07:34,545
oh, yeah. They actually asked for stuff this

1914
01:07:34,545 --> 01:07:35,045
year.

1915
01:07:35,744 --> 01:07:38,144
We should probably actually get it for them

1916
01:07:38,144 --> 01:07:39,905
because they it's like one of the first

1917
01:07:39,905 --> 01:07:42,465
years in forever they didn't just go, just

1918
01:07:42,465 --> 01:07:44,625
give me money. Just give me money. Mhmm.

1919
01:07:44,625 --> 01:07:46,144
They're like, no. I want this thing and

1920
01:07:46,144 --> 01:07:47,699
that thing. I'm like, Yep.

1921
01:07:51,199 --> 01:07:51,940
So yeah.

1922
01:07:52,960 --> 01:07:53,460
That's

1923
01:07:54,320 --> 01:07:55,860
that's us. Mhmm.

1924
01:07:56,719 --> 01:07:57,219
I,

1925
01:07:57,920 --> 01:07:59,534
maybe it was getting a good night's sleep

1926
01:07:59,534 --> 01:08:00,034
and

1927
01:08:00,335 --> 01:08:00,835
not

1928
01:08:01,135 --> 01:08:02,734
overheating in the middle of the night. I

1929
01:08:02,734 --> 01:08:03,795
actually woke up

1930
01:08:04,335 --> 01:08:05,714
with a couple of

1931
01:08:06,094 --> 01:08:06,594
in-depth

1932
01:08:07,614 --> 01:08:08,114
topics

1933
01:08:08,574 --> 01:08:11,054
for the podcast. The holidays when, like, we're

1934
01:08:11,054 --> 01:08:12,655
half brain dead anyways, not the time for

1935
01:08:12,655 --> 01:08:14,835
it. 1, I actually wanna do more research

1936
01:08:16,159 --> 01:08:18,239
on. Very impressed with myself. And I wrote

1937
01:08:18,239 --> 01:08:19,520
them down so I would not forget them.

1938
01:08:19,520 --> 01:08:21,520
Well, that that's a good thing. That's always

1939
01:08:21,520 --> 01:08:22,659
a good thing. Yeah.

1940
01:08:24,079 --> 01:08:24,739
Yeah. We're

1941
01:08:25,119 --> 01:08:27,119
we're doing like the old days and actually

1942
01:08:27,119 --> 01:08:28,399
trying to plan for the year ahead. I'm

1943
01:08:28,399 --> 01:08:29,460
very proud of us.

1944
01:08:31,574 --> 01:08:32,715
I don't have anything

1945
01:08:33,414 --> 01:08:35,734
else. No. Because I don't think anybody wants

1946
01:08:35,734 --> 01:08:37,274
to hear me bitch about a

1947
01:08:37,574 --> 01:08:38,795
a profession I chose

1948
01:08:39,175 --> 01:08:41,515
and the work I I asked to do.

1949
01:08:41,574 --> 01:08:43,515
I wanna hear it. Hey.

1950
01:08:43,949 --> 01:08:45,229
Actually, this is the first day I think

1951
01:08:45,229 --> 01:08:46,590
I will be able to floof the tree

1952
01:08:46,909 --> 01:08:48,510
Okay. Because I think we'll be able to,

1953
01:08:48,510 --> 01:08:50,590
like I can slow down today. Yeah. It's

1954
01:08:50,590 --> 01:08:53,390
very nice. I was, you know, the I

1955
01:08:53,390 --> 01:08:54,770
I have wanted to

1956
01:08:55,149 --> 01:08:55,649
say,

1957
01:08:56,305 --> 01:08:57,984
you know, I know we have the, Q

1958
01:08:57,984 --> 01:08:58,484
and

1959
01:08:58,784 --> 01:09:01,444
A coming up. For Patreon. Yep. Saturday. Saturday.

1960
01:09:01,505 --> 01:09:02,944
December 7th. And,

1961
01:09:03,824 --> 01:09:05,984
you know, we talked several weeks ago about

1962
01:09:05,984 --> 01:09:06,385
going,

1963
01:09:07,024 --> 01:09:07,524
thrifting.

1964
01:09:07,904 --> 01:09:09,024
I know we haven't done that. And we

1965
01:09:09,024 --> 01:09:10,770
haven't done that. So maybe Thrift on a

1966
01:09:10,930 --> 01:09:12,550
Sunday? It doesn't have to be a Saturday.

1967
01:09:13,010 --> 01:09:13,750
I know.

1968
01:09:14,930 --> 01:09:17,090
We've had we've had stuff going on every

1969
01:09:17,090 --> 01:09:18,850
weekend for the last couple weeks. And we

1970
01:09:18,850 --> 01:09:21,430
also had a serious conversation about

1971
01:09:22,289 --> 01:09:23,670
semi serious, Thanksgiving

1972
01:09:23,970 --> 01:09:26,054
with the oldest, the 19 year old, about,

1973
01:09:26,194 --> 01:09:28,274
you know, why he would just prefer to

1974
01:09:28,274 --> 01:09:29,715
be in his apartment. And it's all valid

1975
01:09:29,715 --> 01:09:31,554
stuff that had I had an apartment at

1976
01:09:31,554 --> 01:09:32,994
his age, that's what I would have done

1977
01:09:32,994 --> 01:09:34,594
too. Yeah. Because he's like, I like my

1978
01:09:34,594 --> 01:09:35,395
bed better. I've

1979
01:09:36,114 --> 01:09:38,934
everything's my stuff is there, whatever. So

1980
01:09:39,520 --> 01:09:41,359
you mentioned it to him, and I heard,

1981
01:09:41,359 --> 01:09:42,719
and so it's been stuck in my head.

1982
01:09:42,719 --> 01:09:44,880
He's like, oh, so maybe we it's time

1983
01:09:44,880 --> 01:09:45,619
to actually

1984
01:09:46,239 --> 01:09:47,840
keep the bed as a, you know, guest

1985
01:09:47,840 --> 01:09:49,060
room or whatever, but

1986
01:09:50,239 --> 01:09:52,340
use the space, the spare bedroom,

1987
01:09:53,404 --> 01:09:55,824
for us and our plans. And so

1988
01:09:56,444 --> 01:09:57,885
I walked in today, and I started looking.

1989
01:09:57,885 --> 01:09:58,925
I was like, you know, if we move

1990
01:09:58,925 --> 01:10:00,524
that and we put, like, a big table

1991
01:10:00,524 --> 01:10:02,444
there, I that could be for me, and

1992
01:10:02,444 --> 01:10:03,885
you could have this and where and I

1993
01:10:03,885 --> 01:10:06,204
was because I I wanna utilize part of

1994
01:10:06,204 --> 01:10:08,630
it to make a little gaming spot. Get

1995
01:10:08,630 --> 01:10:10,550
a find a TV at a thrift store

1996
01:10:10,550 --> 01:10:13,289
and, you know, hook up the gaming consoles.

1997
01:10:13,430 --> 01:10:15,189
My concern, this is not a large room

1998
01:10:15,430 --> 01:10:18,090
I know. At all. Mhmm. He chose

1999
01:10:18,550 --> 01:10:20,390
that room when we moved in, but it

2000
01:10:20,390 --> 01:10:22,229
ended up being the smaller of the 2

2001
01:10:22,229 --> 01:10:22,729
bedrooms,

2002
01:10:23,795 --> 01:10:25,335
is that we have big dreams

2003
01:10:25,715 --> 01:10:26,454
and not

2004
01:10:26,835 --> 01:10:28,854
not enough space for it. Yeah.

2005
01:10:29,635 --> 01:10:31,475
So for me, I just want, like, a

2006
01:10:31,475 --> 01:10:31,975
corner,

2007
01:10:34,034 --> 01:10:35,739
of area where I can actually set up

2008
01:10:35,739 --> 01:10:37,119
my sewing machine

2009
01:10:38,380 --> 01:10:40,000
and, have a space to

2010
01:10:40,460 --> 01:10:42,380
not have to take it down and put

2011
01:10:42,380 --> 01:10:44,219
it away and every time it just lives

2012
01:10:44,219 --> 01:10:44,719
there

2013
01:10:45,179 --> 01:10:45,579
and,

2014
01:10:45,979 --> 01:10:48,300
maybe even a little little flat space for

2015
01:10:48,300 --> 01:10:50,925
easy cutting of fabric. I may, end up

2016
01:10:50,925 --> 01:10:53,164
rolling that that thing into the into the

2017
01:10:53,164 --> 01:10:54,625
bedroom anyway just to

2018
01:10:55,005 --> 01:10:56,045
Well, I don't know. You have to have

2019
01:10:56,045 --> 01:10:58,125
a conversation with Onyx. She uses the second

2020
01:10:58,125 --> 01:10:59,645
shelf I know she does. For looking out

2021
01:10:59,645 --> 01:11:01,104
the window. I know she does.

2022
01:11:01,405 --> 01:11:03,005
I we got to a point I have

2023
01:11:03,005 --> 01:11:03,359
this,

2024
01:11:04,079 --> 01:11:05,760
3 tiered rolly cart where I keep all

2025
01:11:05,760 --> 01:11:06,979
my sewing stuff Mhmm.

2026
01:11:07,439 --> 01:11:09,760
That is now covered in cat hair. Okay.

2027
01:11:09,760 --> 01:11:12,000
Because the the second shelf, there was an

2028
01:11:12,000 --> 01:11:13,779
open space that I didn't fill with anything.

2029
01:11:14,079 --> 01:11:14,819
And so,

2030
01:11:15,359 --> 01:11:17,765
Onyx started sitting there because it was perfect

2031
01:11:17,765 --> 01:11:19,925
to look out the window where next to

2032
01:11:19,925 --> 01:11:21,765
where it was. And when I my very

2033
01:11:21,765 --> 01:11:23,765
first ever, like, little quilts that are poorly

2034
01:11:23,765 --> 01:11:26,345
made were made for the the girls,

2035
01:11:26,885 --> 01:11:29,945
2 cat little quilts and one for Lola.

2036
01:11:30,005 --> 01:11:31,520
Yeah. And so

2037
01:11:31,979 --> 01:11:34,300
we folded up one of the cat quilt

2038
01:11:34,300 --> 01:11:36,460
things and put it on that shelf, and

2039
01:11:36,460 --> 01:11:39,260
that's that's their seat. Yep. I know. That's

2040
01:11:39,260 --> 01:11:40,619
their suit. You have to you have to

2041
01:11:40,619 --> 01:11:42,779
talk to your girl. I know exactly what

2042
01:11:42,779 --> 01:11:43,840
I'm gonna do.

2043
01:11:44,755 --> 01:11:46,435
You are in that frame of mind of,

2044
01:11:46,435 --> 01:11:48,835
like, you're moving and changing and doing and

2045
01:11:48,835 --> 01:11:50,435
planning, and you're like, I got stuff to

2046
01:11:50,435 --> 01:11:51,574
do. Like, it's a

2047
01:11:51,954 --> 01:11:52,774
it's not

2048
01:11:53,875 --> 01:11:55,875
I think it's a creative thing. It's a

2049
01:11:55,875 --> 01:11:58,639
renewal thing. It's a I wanna make changes

2050
01:11:58,639 --> 01:12:00,560
thing, like small changes, like, not, like, run

2051
01:12:00,560 --> 01:12:02,000
away from home and, you know, get a

2052
01:12:02,000 --> 01:12:03,060
Corvette or something.

2053
01:12:04,399 --> 01:12:05,679
Hey. I don't know. You know, that new

2054
01:12:05,679 --> 01:12:07,300
Corvette sounds pretty pretty,

2055
01:12:07,600 --> 01:12:09,300
wild. A 100 1,064

2056
01:12:10,560 --> 01:12:11,060
horsepower,

2057
01:12:11,614 --> 01:12:13,614
top speed at 312 miles an hour. I

2058
01:12:13,614 --> 01:12:14,814
feel like this is where I make a

2059
01:12:14,814 --> 01:12:18,195
disparaging remark about compensation, but whatever.

2060
01:12:19,534 --> 01:12:20,034
Overcompensating.

2061
01:12:20,735 --> 01:12:21,235
Anyway,

2062
01:12:22,095 --> 01:12:24,015
like, I it feels like a renewal energy

2063
01:12:24,015 --> 01:12:25,340
from you. Yeah. Like, you're just, I don't

2064
01:12:25,340 --> 01:12:27,599
know. You know, there I I have

2065
01:12:29,420 --> 01:12:31,420
been, and I started it. It's been a

2066
01:12:31,420 --> 01:12:31,920
slow

2067
01:12:32,539 --> 01:12:33,279
little process.

2068
01:12:35,979 --> 01:12:36,719
I despise

2069
01:12:37,515 --> 01:12:39,854
clutter. I really do dislike clutter,

2070
01:12:40,795 --> 01:12:41,774
and and

2071
01:12:43,194 --> 01:12:45,515
it's it's as much as my fault, as

2072
01:12:45,515 --> 01:12:47,935
anyone's, what has happened around here.

2073
01:12:48,795 --> 01:12:50,574
There's just clutter everywhere.

2074
01:12:51,960 --> 01:12:53,500
And and little by little,

2075
01:12:54,840 --> 01:12:56,760
I have started chipping away at it. Mhmm.

2076
01:12:56,760 --> 01:12:58,680
Because I'm I'm just tired of all this

2077
01:12:58,920 --> 01:13:01,400
I know. Stuff and and I have noticed

2078
01:13:01,400 --> 01:13:04,039
that as I have been clearing some of

2079
01:13:04,039 --> 01:13:06,060
this stuff out, it's also clearing

2080
01:13:06,514 --> 01:13:09,074
out stuff up here in my head. Yep.

2081
01:13:09,074 --> 01:13:11,074
Yeah. The my mom got me into this

2082
01:13:11,074 --> 01:13:13,014
habit years ago, and I stopped doing it,

2083
01:13:13,074 --> 01:13:13,574
oh,

2084
01:13:14,194 --> 01:13:16,215
after we moved into this house, quite frankly.

2085
01:13:16,274 --> 01:13:18,594
Mhmm. And she calls it she calls it

2086
01:13:18,594 --> 01:13:20,994
her purge every year. Yeah. She goes through

2087
01:13:20,994 --> 01:13:21,494
closets.

2088
01:13:22,289 --> 01:13:23,510
And if

2089
01:13:23,889 --> 01:13:24,389
she

2090
01:13:24,849 --> 01:13:27,029
didn't need it through the year, it's it's

2091
01:13:27,090 --> 01:13:28,689
used to be if I didn't think about

2092
01:13:28,689 --> 01:13:30,529
it, I didn't remember I had it. Mhmm.

2093
01:13:30,529 --> 01:13:32,529
I toss it. She I think she is

2094
01:13:32,529 --> 01:13:35,090
more aware of, how brains can work, and

2095
01:13:35,090 --> 01:13:35,989
it's more like

2096
01:13:36,289 --> 01:13:38,685
if I didn't need it, even if I

2097
01:13:38,685 --> 01:13:39,744
forgot this existed,

2098
01:13:40,604 --> 01:13:42,204
and what and you maybe had to buy

2099
01:13:42,204 --> 01:13:43,265
another one or whatever.

2100
01:13:43,804 --> 01:13:45,804
If it was never necessary within the past

2101
01:13:45,804 --> 01:13:46,304
365

2102
01:13:46,604 --> 01:13:49,005
days, then she gets rid of it. And

2103
01:13:49,005 --> 01:13:50,844
I used to do something like that Mhmm.

2104
01:13:51,087 --> 01:13:52,630
Myself, and I haven't for years. You

2105
01:13:53,010 --> 01:13:54,123
know, fun funny story on that note. When

2106
01:13:54,123 --> 01:13:55,059
we moved into the house here, there was

2107
01:13:55,059 --> 01:13:56,530
the ugliest chandelier in the dining area. Oh,

2108
01:13:56,530 --> 01:13:57,030
God.

2109
01:13:57,409 --> 01:13:59,030
It was so ugly. We

2110
01:13:59,409 --> 01:14:01,030
got rid of that thing quick.

2111
01:14:01,570 --> 01:14:02,070
Mhmm.

2112
01:14:06,704 --> 01:14:08,864
Yeah. That that didn't last long, but what

2113
01:14:08,864 --> 01:14:09,685
I did do

2114
01:14:10,305 --> 01:14:11,984
was I saved all the bulbs out of

2115
01:14:11,984 --> 01:14:14,064
there, because they were little,

2116
01:14:14,385 --> 01:14:15,445
LED candelabra

2117
01:14:15,905 --> 01:14:16,405
bowls.

2118
01:14:19,099 --> 01:14:19,599
Excuse

2119
01:14:20,059 --> 01:14:20,559
me.

2120
01:14:21,739 --> 01:14:23,260
And I put them in a box, and

2121
01:14:23,260 --> 01:14:25,260
and put them in the hall closet, and

2122
01:14:25,260 --> 01:14:26,859
that's where they sat. That has been dubbed

2123
01:14:26,859 --> 01:14:28,639
the tech closet now. Yeah.

2124
01:14:29,819 --> 01:14:30,880
And those bulbs

2125
01:14:31,425 --> 01:14:33,265
have sat in that closet up until 3

2126
01:14:33,265 --> 01:14:34,005
months ago.

2127
01:14:35,345 --> 01:14:36,784
And I was like, we are not gonna

2128
01:14:36,784 --> 01:14:38,704
use these things for anything. They don't fit

2129
01:14:38,704 --> 01:14:40,005
any lights we have.

2130
01:14:40,385 --> 01:14:41,604
Gonna get rid of them,

2131
01:14:41,905 --> 01:14:42,805
and I did.

2132
01:14:45,869 --> 01:14:47,329
In setting up my mom's

2133
01:14:48,909 --> 01:14:49,890
Christmas village,

2134
01:14:51,869 --> 01:14:53,149
did I find out that,

2135
01:14:53,949 --> 01:14:55,569
those bulbs would have fit perfectly

2136
01:14:55,984 --> 01:14:58,305
in that? Yeah. I did. I did. I

2137
01:14:58,385 --> 01:15:00,064
yeah. They would have. And see that's the

2138
01:15:00,064 --> 01:15:01,744
trap of falling into I have to keep

2139
01:15:01,744 --> 01:15:03,604
it because what if I need it. Right?

2140
01:15:03,824 --> 01:15:05,845
I and I get it. I get it.

2141
01:15:06,704 --> 01:15:08,805
I get it. Mhmm. Mhmm.

2142
01:15:10,829 --> 01:15:12,350
So but, you know, I I I think

2143
01:15:12,350 --> 01:15:13,489
there's even a term

2144
01:15:13,789 --> 01:15:15,010
for I think it's

2145
01:15:15,390 --> 01:15:16,289
a feng shui.

2146
01:15:16,909 --> 01:15:18,750
Ah, that's me. That's me. You know? I

2147
01:15:18,750 --> 01:15:20,350
know that's about how things are laid out

2148
01:15:20,350 --> 01:15:22,429
in a room, feng shui, but that's all

2149
01:15:22,429 --> 01:15:23,984
I know. And yeah.

2150
01:15:24,385 --> 01:15:25,764
And so, you know, it's,

2151
01:15:26,385 --> 01:15:28,145
yeah. It it's something I've been doing, and

2152
01:15:28,145 --> 01:15:28,965
I've been slowly

2153
01:15:30,064 --> 01:15:30,804
my gosh.

2154
01:15:31,505 --> 01:15:33,364
Just what I cleaned out of the closet.

2155
01:15:33,904 --> 01:15:35,824
We've And the closet still has a long

2156
01:15:35,824 --> 01:15:38,000
way to go. Our bedroom closet has been

2157
01:15:38,000 --> 01:15:39,920
a disaster for a while, but Yeah. Over

2158
01:15:39,920 --> 01:15:41,939
a few years where we did this crazy

2159
01:15:42,079 --> 01:15:43,460
marathon of freelance

2160
01:15:43,840 --> 01:15:46,899
sex toy reviews. God. I do not recommend.

2161
01:15:47,199 --> 01:15:47,699
No.

2162
01:15:48,880 --> 01:15:50,180
We had built up

2163
01:15:50,560 --> 01:15:51,060
stuff

2164
01:15:52,225 --> 01:15:52,725
that

2165
01:15:53,744 --> 01:15:55,045
had to be dealt with,

2166
01:15:55,505 --> 01:15:57,904
and some stuff just couldn't be cleaned. If

2167
01:15:57,904 --> 01:15:59,744
I never see a fleshlight for the rest

2168
01:15:59,744 --> 01:16:01,204
of my life, I'll be happy.

2169
01:16:04,064 --> 01:16:04,805
Yeah. You

2170
01:16:06,880 --> 01:16:09,600
your cup runneth over. Yeah. So did your

2171
01:16:09,600 --> 01:16:10,819
fleshlight. Mhmm.

2172
01:16:11,639 --> 01:16:12,139
So

2173
01:16:13,279 --> 01:16:15,840
Mhmm. Yeah. We've but we to my chagrin,

2174
01:16:15,840 --> 01:16:17,744
we still even have a couple of boxes

2175
01:16:17,744 --> 01:16:18,244
boxes

2176
01:16:19,024 --> 01:16:19,836
that have moved twice now that just got

2177
01:16:19,836 --> 01:16:20,584
stuck in the closet. Yeah. A lot of

2178
01:16:20,584 --> 01:16:21,594
stuff you brought home, from your mom's house

2179
01:16:21,594 --> 01:16:22,405
when we were cleaning that out

2180
01:16:22,784 --> 01:16:23,265
Right.

2181
01:16:23,744 --> 01:16:24,805
Never did put it anywhere.

2182
01:16:25,265 --> 01:16:27,425
No. I would kill for our closet to

2183
01:16:27,425 --> 01:16:29,664
be organized. Yes. Same. Now am I making

2184
01:16:29,664 --> 01:16:31,949
the time to go do that? Mhmm. No.

2185
01:16:31,949 --> 01:16:33,869
To be organized. Yes. Same. Now, am I

2186
01:16:33,869 --> 01:16:35,650
making the time to go do that? Mhmm.

2187
01:16:35,710 --> 01:16:36,610
No. I'm not.

2188
01:16:36,989 --> 01:16:38,510
Well, you know, part part of the thing

2189
01:16:38,510 --> 01:16:39,570
is with our closet,

2190
01:16:39,949 --> 01:16:40,270
and,

2191
01:16:43,550 --> 01:16:44,449
there's toys

2192
01:16:45,255 --> 01:16:46,234
hanging everywhere.

2193
01:16:46,694 --> 01:16:48,494
We need a better organizational system. We need

2194
01:16:48,494 --> 01:16:50,454
a bigger toys. Yeah. Need and I and

2195
01:16:50,454 --> 01:16:52,614
I and I'm noodling something that You're the

2196
01:16:52,614 --> 01:16:55,114
maker. You'll make something. It'll be perfect. Yep.

2197
01:16:55,255 --> 01:16:57,034
I'm I'm I'm noodling something,

2198
01:16:57,449 --> 01:16:59,550
And, yeah. I think we're we're

2199
01:17:00,250 --> 01:17:02,750
gonna do something in that soon because

2200
01:17:03,770 --> 01:17:05,210
it'd be nice to have that all that

2201
01:17:05,210 --> 01:17:06,590
a little bit more organized.

2202
01:17:07,369 --> 01:17:09,130
Oh. I could see it being a video

2203
01:17:09,130 --> 01:17:11,265
idea if we get it organized. Be like,

2204
01:17:11,265 --> 01:17:13,265
this is how we organized. I blah blah

2205
01:17:13,265 --> 01:17:15,824
blah. So before so just putting it on

2206
01:17:15,824 --> 01:17:17,984
record here. Before we make any changes, we

2207
01:17:17,984 --> 01:17:19,125
gotta get footage,

2208
01:17:19,664 --> 01:17:21,600
b roll footage of what it looks like

2209
01:17:21,760 --> 01:17:24,399
before. Because, whoo, it's not something we're proud

2210
01:17:24,399 --> 01:17:25,220
of. No.

2211
01:17:25,840 --> 01:17:26,340
No.

2212
01:17:26,880 --> 01:17:29,199
No. No. No. It's And and and you

2213
01:17:29,199 --> 01:17:30,979
know, the thing is too, it

2214
01:17:31,359 --> 01:17:33,539
because of the way stuff is

2215
01:17:34,164 --> 01:17:34,984
kind of haphazardly

2216
01:17:36,324 --> 01:17:38,324
in the closet, it's always a chore to

2217
01:17:38,324 --> 01:17:40,164
find what you wanna I know, and then

2218
01:17:40,164 --> 01:17:41,364
so you don't pull it out, because then

2219
01:17:41,364 --> 01:17:42,744
you got to put it back and Right.

2220
01:17:43,444 --> 01:17:44,965
So, you know, it'd be nice to have

2221
01:17:44,965 --> 01:17:46,664
all that stuff organized to,

2222
01:17:47,760 --> 01:17:48,579
excuse me,

2223
01:17:49,119 --> 01:17:49,619
to,

2224
01:17:50,479 --> 01:17:52,319
you know, have it better organized to just

2225
01:17:52,319 --> 01:17:53,599
be able to get to it when you

2226
01:17:53,599 --> 01:17:55,219
want it. Mhmm. Mhmm.

2227
01:17:55,599 --> 01:17:57,539
Yeah. I mean, we do we have

2228
01:17:58,479 --> 01:17:59,619
do we have a stockade

2229
01:18:00,239 --> 01:18:01,425
in the corner of our closet?

2230
01:18:04,704 --> 01:18:06,304
And I've even been thinking about a way

2231
01:18:06,304 --> 01:18:08,324
that I could make a base for that

2232
01:18:08,704 --> 01:18:09,204
to

2233
01:18:11,184 --> 01:18:12,324
Oh, my. Okay.

2234
01:18:13,520 --> 01:18:15,199
I do love your new,

2235
01:18:16,079 --> 01:18:16,579
renewed

2236
01:18:17,039 --> 01:18:17,539
creative,

2237
01:18:18,000 --> 01:18:20,020
era you're currently in. I

2238
01:18:21,680 --> 01:18:23,199
don't know if my ass can handle it,

2239
01:18:23,199 --> 01:18:24,819
but it'll be fine. It'll be fine.

2240
01:18:25,394 --> 01:18:25,894
So

2241
01:18:26,719 --> 01:18:27,779
yeah. Yeah.

2242
01:18:28,484 --> 01:18:30,645
I think you're I I feel like you've

2243
01:18:30,645 --> 01:18:31,304
had some,

2244
01:18:31,764 --> 01:18:33,364
in other ways, some weights lifted off of

2245
01:18:33,364 --> 01:18:35,444
you. I have. There's yeah. There's there's been

2246
01:18:35,444 --> 01:18:37,465
a couple things that are are are

2247
01:18:38,085 --> 01:18:40,564
yeah. Mhmm. Yeah. Mhmm. And I I love

2248
01:18:40,564 --> 01:18:42,185
singing it. Mhmm. I do.

2249
01:18:43,364 --> 01:18:44,409
Yeah. But

2250
01:18:45,670 --> 01:18:47,369
we should probably go now. Yeah.

2251
01:18:47,829 --> 01:18:49,189
We did that thing that a lot of

2252
01:18:49,189 --> 01:18:51,350
people do, where we said, well, we need

2253
01:18:51,350 --> 01:18:52,630
to go, and then we kept talking. I've

2254
01:18:52,630 --> 01:18:54,250
been doing that my whole damn life.

2255
01:18:55,430 --> 01:18:57,564
But for real, we we will, we need

2256
01:18:57,564 --> 01:18:58,224
to go.

2257
01:18:58,524 --> 01:19:00,704
We've got some other stuff to record. Yep.

2258
01:19:01,804 --> 01:19:03,324
And then we gotta do some other stuff,

2259
01:19:03,324 --> 01:19:04,784
and then there's stuff and

2260
01:19:05,085 --> 01:19:07,324
then more stuff. Always stuff. There's always stuff.

2261
01:19:07,324 --> 01:19:09,404
It's that time of the year. Yeah. Stuff

2262
01:19:09,404 --> 01:19:10,064
for everybody.

2263
01:19:10,604 --> 01:19:12,684
Mhmm. Thanks for being here, especially to the

2264
01:19:12,684 --> 01:19:13,345
bitter end.

2265
01:19:15,185 --> 01:19:18,405
We will see y'all next week. Okay. Bye.

2266
01:19:18,465 --> 01:19:18,965
Bye.