You're listening to the Loving BDSM podcast episode
421.
Kayla Lourdes here with the 1, the only
you were a little grumpy earlier, but you
seem fine now. Were you hangry, John Brownstone?
Yeah. I was a little bit. It's because
the muffin you had this morning
didn't fill you up, did it? Well, it
did.
Briefly. The muffin and I made a,
homemade protein orange Julius.
True. So but all is good now. You
were still hangry is all I'm saying. You
were cranky. Anyway, this is what we're here
to talk about.
Although cranky doms is a thing that happens
during the holidays, I just wanna point that
out to you. I I am grumpy polar
bear. I'm living up to my moniker. So
You are. You are. Yeah. This week, we're
gonna talk about navigating your power exchange during
the
holidays. Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If
this is your first time listening, glad to
have you. If you're back for another week,
welcome back. Loving BDSM is produced every Monday
Friday for your kinky pleasure and education, and
show notes are found at lovingbdsm.net.
Come back often and feel free to add
the podcast to your favorite podcast app. You
can also follow the show on Fetlife at
loving BDSM
PC
on Instagram and technically threads at that handle
I will forever fucking hate, loving d s
and the number 1. So it's at loving
d s one. And, yes, I will continue
to be salty about it. Or on YouTube
at youtube.com/loving
BDSM, where you can watch us live from
the podcast every Wednesday. All links are in
the show notes. A big thanks as always
to our patrons over on Patreon, including our
newest peeps. We are able to keep being
weirdos on the Internet, in large part because
of our kinky patrons, and we are grateful
for every fucking one of you. If you'd
like to join our kinky community and get
access to extra content and a discord server
with a group of super chill kinksters, you
can do that. Join us at patreon.com/kayla
lords. That's patreon.com/kayla
lords or use the link in the show
notes. Okay.
So
before we get into
our topic, I do have I thought I
didn't have an announcement. Like, I'm I'm typing
up the outline for today and I'm like,
announcements.
NA does not apply. And then I went,
oh, yeah.
So I've been influenced twice.
1st by,
Rah Rah of the Pink King podcast,
who multiple times was like, hey. Do this
thing. And I kept going, no. No. No.
And then Hank Green, who can influence me
to do almost anything. I almost bought some
socks and some soap is
And that is we're on Blue Sky. Mhmm.
Both loving BDSM
and the Kinkery on Blue Sky.
If you're on Blue Sky and you just
search us up like that, we'll come right
up.
JB made
a Blue Sky account Yep. John Brownstone, which
made me go, oh, fuck. Okay. I'll go
get my name
so that nobody else can get my name.
And so also, Kayla Lords, I don't know
what I don't have any plans to talk
about anything at this point because
I just don't even know how to do
that anymore. But on loving BDSM and the
kinkery,
got, you know, gonna post stuff. Try to,
anyway. So
yeah.
Yeah. Mhmm.
And I just realized now I could have
put the links in the places for podcast
listeners by the time you hear this. I
will have put the links in the places
for YouTube folk. Just give me a minute.
So, yeah, we're on Blue Sky. I haven't
posted to Twitter
for loving BDSM in
probably a couple of years.
And I was posting to Twitter
no. I will never call it x. It's
Twitter. Give me a break. I was posting
to Twitter for the kinkery from the time
we opened the kinkery, and for a while
we were growing. Mhmm. And then when, like,
Twitter started started being
worse than it's ever been Stupid.
I
was consistently posting,
but follower count was going down before. Not
because we sucked. I mean, maybe somebody thinks
we do, but not for that. But because
people were leaving the platform. Mhmm. And I'm
like, I literally cannot grow here, and I
don't wanna pay
for the possibility of being able to grow.
Like, if I'm getting enough back from a
platform, I don't mind paying for the services,
but
Twitter has never been that. So for me
anyway. So I was like, I just so
the kinkery is no longer posting to Twitter.
It still exists. All of the accounts still
exist because I'm gonna keep our names so
nobody can just take our names and pretend
to be us. Not that I think they
would, but weird shit happens.
But, yeah, Rob, I've said it multiple times
in live streams. Hey. Sign up. Sign up.
I was like,
meh. And then Hank Green did, like, a
deep dive on, like,
stuff that's, like, content creator oriented, and I
was like, okay.
Hank Green, you influenced me yet again. So
we're on blue sky. There we go. Okay.
So, this week's topic,
is one that I feel like should have
been
our pre Thanksgiving episode, but it did not
occur to me. Pre Thanksgiving.
Sorry.
So if you're if you celebrate Thanksgiving and
you have this, you know, next year you'll
be celebrating Thanksgiving and hopefully in a power
exchange relationship,
let some of this stuff will apply too.
But
so
we're gonna talk about
dealing with the holidays while you're in a
power exchange.
And I think most of this is probably
relatable
regardless of the holiday you celebrate.
If there's visiting family involved, changes to schedules,
stress, and or gift giving involved, I
regardless. So there's that.
And we will not touch on every possible
thing that you might have to deal with.
We're we're we're going with 3 big topics.
So, you know, if you think of other
things, feel free to comment and talk to
us in the places.
But just know
we we can't touch touch everything because we're
not that good.
So the 3 things we are gonna talk
about, just to give you, like, a high
level overview, gift giving. Yes. Your power exchange
can impact gift giving.
Spending time with family
and friends, but the non kinky part of
your life, and then just
stress during the holidays, getting stuff done, decorating
the house, having, like, holiday work parties, whatever.
Like, the stuff that throws everything
out of whack, that kind of stuff.
So
we'll start with first of all, let me
stop because I've just blah blah blah blah
like I do.
Top high level before we get into the
different ways of dealing with the holidays
in a power exchange.
Anything you would add high level,
like holidays, power exchange.
Not not on top of Okay.
That's yeah. That's just Don't let anybody say
I don't give him the opportunity to speak,
y'all. I don't, but I do try to
remember. Yep. Anyway, so let's start with gift
giving. Mhmm.
Now this is gonna hit every power exchange
differently.
The reason it comes to my mind is
because the in my
first and only
power exchange prior to meeting John Brownstone,
my dom in that relationship had very
clear
boundaries
around gift giving. He was like and this
wasn't just like, in our case, the Christmas.
It was anything where a gift could have
been given. It's like, I do not like
surprises. I do not like to get something
I did not personally pick out. Do not.
I mean, I I think we had gotten
into like a conversation or maybe I had
asked or maybe he just said it. I
don't know. And I was like, oh, oh,
okay. Good to know.
In my head I was like, I'm a
broke single mom. You probably weren't getting nothing,
but okay. At least we're clear. But it
let me know when I met you to
ask the question. So if you're a submissive
and this is like y'all's first holiday together,
first gift giving situation together, and you don't
know,
it's worth
asking. I asked JB,
literally years ago now, how are you about
gifts? Can I surprise you with stuff? What
what would you prefer?
And I think that's a good conversation to
have, you know, across the slash, either side
of the slash. But as a submissive who
wants to do what my dom wants me
to do and be the best little, you
know, sassy baby girl I know how to
be, I wanna give him stuff the way
he wants it. And if he was the
type who's like, I got control issues. Do
not surprise me.
That's an important thing to know. Mhmm.
And there have been times this is about
surprises in general, I think. There have been
not just gifts, where I've been like, I
have this thing I would like to keep
a surprise from you.
Are you okay with me keeping a secret
from you until I can surprise you with
it? Or do you just wanna know? And
here's what's funny.
Daddy Dom JB is usually very laid back,
and he's like, no. No. No. I can
wait. This will be fun. I don't like
to be surprised. It also gives him the
opportunity to tease me until I finally tell
him. But sometimes, and it's really rare, he
goes, no. I I don't have the bandwidth.
Just I don't wanna wait. Just tell me.
And he does it in, like, his sort
of dumb voice. I'm like, that was exciting.
I don't get to surprise you, but this
was a moment that we get to have.
So that's that's why gift giving, like, comes
to mind. What do you think about
gift giving, holidays,
power exchange?
Wonderful.
Stop. What about from your perspective, getting your
your submissive gift, how do you think about
that as power exchange? Not just like As
power exchange? And not the man not just
the man who loves me.
Oh. Mhmm. Loaded.
Yes. It is.
I, you know, I don't know. I I
don't see for for myself, I don't see
a separation between,
you know, like, the power change and and
regular part of life because we're so enmeshed
in our power exchange.
It just is.
True. True.
So, you know, I I don't even really
think of it in in, you know, terms
of 1 or the other. Oh, okay. So
just gift giving in power exchange. Mhmm.
Where are you at? What what advice? What
things have you learned? Are there things that
you've learned over all these years of Absolutely.
Okay.
Would you please share that with
you know, anybody who says your dom can't
be bratty has never met a bratty dom.
And they will try your damn patience, and
I think that's called payback.
Okay, bratty daddy.
I've I've found
with you the best way
to, go about gift giving is I just
watch you and listen.
I love that. That that
getting gifts because I've happened to have mentioned
something, and my partner gives a fuck enough
about me to pay attention and take notes,
put reminders, like, whatever, like, tricks you have
to use for your memory,
that's my fucking love length. I I refuse
to be a Clare.
Oh, God. From Modern Family, if you don't
get their reference.
Clare was awful at giving gifts. I refuse
to be Claire. But, yeah, that that's that's
what I do. I I just, you know,
I am I'm connected to your,
wish list On Amazon. On Amazon. So I,
you know, I can always have that to
peruse. Yeah. You get a notification whenever I
add something to it. Add something,
I get a notification, like, oh. Well, here's
what's funny. Last year, I realized we've oh,
we were gonna exchange gifts. And then I
went, he hasn't asked me, and I haven't
thought about what I want. And then I
went, wait. He pays attention to my Amazon
wish list. And I went in
and was like, boop boop boop. Here's the
thing. And then lo and behold, I got
what I asked for.
It was very nice.
You know, give out long term
for us, and I this is not universal.
So other people will have different experiences, of
course. But we are at a point both
stage in life and I think just stage
of our relationship.
We don't
like, gift giving is nice. Mhmm. But we're,
1, grown adults with our own money, and
2, constantly communicating. So if one of us
wants or needs something, if it's within our
budget at any point in the year, we're
just gonna get it. You know?
Past few years have been more about needs
than wants. Yeah.
But the other thing is is, you know
and I say this around Valentine's Day every
year too.
I don't
see,
for us, Christmas as a gift giving holiday
is, like, the end all be all. Oh,
no. If I don't get the perfect gift,
a gift, whatever whatever, that says something about
our the state of our relationship. Right? Because
you are reminding me of how cared for
I am, how cherished I am, how loved
I am, and you're trying to get me
or help me get or allow me to
get the things I want and need throughout
the year. So I don't
doesn't all rest on this one day, this
one True. That is very true. That is
very true. Also, I am that annoying pragmatic
person who's like, I would not be mad
if my Christmas gift was a vacuum, if
it was the vacuum I wanted and then
said,
hey. This is the one time we, like,
let ourselves spend money. You can get me
that thing for the house that I've wanted.
But it's because I know that every other
day of the year,
you're gonna be
taking care of me and trying to, like,
make sure all my needs and wants are
met within our power exchange and life. And,
you know, so it doesn't all rest on
this one day True. For this one gift.
So I tend to be very blase about
the gift
giving. JB likes to be sneaky about it.
And that, I think,
again, not universal, but the inherent challenge
in gift giving between a dom and a
sub is that the dom has a lot
of latitude and power to just kind of
go do what they're gonna do within boundaries,
of course, because they're in charge and they
make these decisions. But if you are submissive
in a power exchange where there's a lot
of permission asking and getting the okay of
and hey, don't surprise me or, you know,
don't surprise me in an unwanted way or
whatever whatever.
It can be more like a, uh-oh, am
I doing this right kind of thing. Now
if you have if you're in a power
exchange and that's never been your issue and
that's never come across your mind or been
a topic of conversation, that's great. I'm very
happy for you. But some of us are
like, oh, there as a submissive, there's in
my mind a, quote, right way for our
dynamic that I need to do this.
We hammered it out real quick before our
first ever gift giving anything because I was
asking those questions.
Because I had that
experience prior to him.
But yeah. There's it's hard to be, like,
sneaky and to do you know, to surprise
you because
I one, I'm really bad at that. If
I there's a thing I'm doing for you
or have done for you and can't wait
to, like, see your reaction,
I am that person who's like,
I got something for you, but I can't
tell you.
And and, you know, the funny the funny
thing about it is if I really pushed
it,
I know I could break it. Break you.
Yeah. Absolutely. I get it. Yeah. Well, in
part for me, it's because
at the core, I just wanna be a
good girl. So if you were like, I
know what you're trying to do, and I
respect that you're trying to surprise me.
But I'm your daddy, Dom, and I'm telling
you, I want to know. You're gonna know.
I'm a tell you. Because I'll be like,
okay.
This isn't about, you know, loving partners, you
know, making other partner happy. This is submissive
doing what Dom just said to please do.
I know that I could push back against
that if I was like, no. It's really
important to me to try to surprise you,
or it's really important for me to, you
know, for you to open this
on a special occasion or whatever. And I
think you would depending on your mood.
If you were cranky and hangry and grumpy
polar bear, maybe not. But under normal circumstances,
I think you'd go, okay. That's fair. Just
you know, it's it's about explaining my reasoning
to you. It's about clear communication. Y'all
Mhmm.
Yeah. So the thing is is
like everything else
that we bring with us into power exchange,
our poor communication skills, our past relationship
struggles,
how you feel about gift giving is coming
along with you. Right?
And so it's not necessarily
that big of a deal, but I think
it's worth a conversation.
Because just like everything else in your relationship,
you want it to go in a way
ideally that you're both comfortable with. And if
you've if one partner is and I'm speaking
as a cynthia, so especially Adam who is
the one leading and has this final say
and, you know, is the decider and however
y'all do that. That's how we do it.
I don't wanna do anything unintentionally that goes
against that power dynamic
even if it is in
the name of doing something nice for you
or making you happy. You know what I
mean?
So I don't think it's something to, like,
for people to, like, big big stress out
over, but I do think it's worth a
conversation. If you've never done a gift giving
moment before and this is your first one,
go ahead and talk about it. Or
if it's your first gift giving time in
power exchange
worth a conversation, or if it never seems
to go right when you do gift giving,
it's it's past time for conversation. Because, like,
this is supposed to be gift giving times
are meant to be a happy time. If
you are not happy receiving or giving a
gift, that's that's say something. Right? If you're
like, I don't I don't want gifts. That's
okay. You get to say something. You get
to like, that's a boundary you get to
have. Please don't give me a gift.
If you're unhappy with the way gifting is
done in your power exchange,
that's worth a conversation.
So, yeah, it's not like this big deep
thing, but it is something to think about.
Here's the bigger deeper thing. Mhmm. And we
have talked about this before, and I have
linked in the places to the,
I don't know. It was a I think
it was a a mini podcast episode slash
video,
and that's spending time with family. So we
did a thing on, like, tips for, like,
surviving
the holidays with your non
kink, your vanilla family and friends. But spending
time with with family while you're in a
power exchange during the holidays, and you're kinky
and they're not, and do they know and
do you want them to know? Mhmm. These
are things you have to think about. Right.
You know,
you know, first, I I just want to
say, you know,
coming out or not wanting to come out
about your kink life is a very personal
thing.
Yes. Absolutely.
And,
you know, in in some families, it it
doesn't matter.
And in some families, you know, I've heard
of people,
whether, you know, their immediate family knows, but
some people in the family are not very
kind about it. Right. You know. So those
are all kinds of things you have to
think about
in that aspect. And it it's kind of
ramped up during the holidays. Oh, yeah. There's
all this pressure and there's all this Mhmm.
Stuff going on and, you know, depending on
which holiday you're celebrating. It's the most magical
time of year. Is it I'm tired is
what I am. Tired of broke. That's what
I am at this time of year.
That doesn't feel very magical.
No.
Just needs more work, but, you know
Which, you know, eventually,
we won't be like you know, the kids
will be grown up and we'll be doing
it quite the same. And, you know, it's
it's kind of an awkward thing too because,
you know, if family
doesn't know anything,
you know, then you kinda gotta
think about, you know, what you can and
can't do in front of them, you know,
because then comes kind of the whole consent
thing. I mean, you know,
like
with Kayla's family, you know, they're they know,
but they don't wanna know any details.
No. My aunt would love to know details,
but I just keep reminding her she can't
unknow it Right. Once she knows and that
gets her to calm down. You know. And
so, you know, in in that case, you
know, you need to kind of watch and,
you know, because it, you know, it does
come down to a consent thing being around
family. Absolutely. There's also the you need to
think very deeply and very carefully and very
clearly about what kind of awkward questions you
feel like answering. Mhmm. Like, you know, I
have like I said, my aunt
would
really doesn't wanna know, but she thinks she
does, so she would let me tell her
anything. My mother knows more than she ever
wanted to know, and that's a whole saga
that's
that episode is, like, 300 episodes ago. It's
fine.
That was a moment.
But,
you know,
I also part of the reason I
don't share, even though they kind of have
a
top level
sort of pseudo understanding is Mhmm. I don't
want them asking questions that I don't feel
like answering. Right. You know? Not around the
Christmas dinner table. Not while we're unwrapping presents.
Not not anytime. That's please no. Don't
don't don't ask me those questions. Even if
it comes from a, hey. I'm kind of
interested in this and I'd like to learn
more. Like, I don't know if I could
handle it if my mother,
my 64 year old mother,
and my 61 year old aunt were asking
me for kink advice. I just I think
my head would explode.
But
even if, oh, God, even if
that were to happen, the place I don't
want to be having these conversations
is around these holiday family times when there's
a lot going on and there's a lot
of people around that maybe should not be
part of the conversation or don't wanna be
part of the conversation.
So even
then, I'm you know, I've
long thought about, okay. How do we present
in front of non kink family specifically?
You know, once I
once we moved in together,
99.9%
of my friends became kinky people because it
was going to munches and we were doing
community stuff. And so
friends, not not that big a deal. The
my
my BFF,
god. I met her when I was freaking
19,
over margaritas and queso. I can tell her
anything
and have and have recommended
products to her over the years. So we
have that kind of relationship, but I'm not
gonna I'm probably not gonna call Jamie daddy
in front of her.
I'm I'm not gonna talk about my collar
in front of her, not because I think
she would be prudish, but it's like that's
not that's that's not the nature of our
relationship. So for me, it tends to be
more about family.
Now if you are raising children
while being
in a power exchange,
you actually already have practice at this even
if you don't think you do. Like, what
do you not let your children see? Guess
what? Don't let grandpa see it either. Okay?
If you wanna keep that private and you
don't wanna answer awkward questions,
treat the rest of your family like you're
being, you know, under the radar in front
of your kids. Now if you're super out
and and like
with your kids, then that that's a different
conversation. But that's how I look at it
is that this is the time. The holidays
are a time to figure out what subtle
power exchange means for you. What what can
you do
publicly that has meaning for the for y'all
that nobody else is gonna clock. Right?
I've talked about this many times over the
years. If we're at a family
gathering and it's meal, I'm gonna serve JB
his plate. Mhmm. You know? I look like
a good southern woman because that's, you know,
the expectation,
but
I know I'm doing it because this is
a way I can do something for my
daddy. Right? Like, I it means something to
me. It's like when we're sitting in a
restaurant, if he orders coffee, I'm gonna
do his coffee up.
That's a thing that people might go, why
why is she doing that for him? But
it, you know, it doesn't I don't care
about that. It just has to have meaning
for me.
You know, if you normally wear a what
feels to you a very obvious collar, and
that's not a conversation you wanna have with
your meemaw,
then maybe for the visit, you go to
what we would call like a day caller
that does doesn't get clocked to something. Right?
It's much more subtle.
But that I think the the big thing
to keep in mind is it's another conversation
you need to have with your partner before
you find yourself in this situation.
Because I know me, if I haven't preplanned
how things are gonna go and I get
caught in the moment without that plan in
my mind,
I will default to however I normally do
it. And
that's not a thing I necessarily want to
brand
in front of my family.
So, you know, it could be some people
just don't do anything
that even is
near their power exchange when they're with family.
Some people look for subtle things. Some people
make sure that they have their own hotel
room or they are leaving quickly. Like, they
have a place to go to have their
private
space and time Right. To be as, you
know, kinky as they can be.
When we used to go visit my mom
in South Mississippi,
that would be a week too during that
one storm where we evacuated,
where nope. Nope. Nope. That was the kids
were too close, and the
the mom and evil stepdad were way too
close. So we just Yes. Indeed. Put it
on lockdown
other than the subtle stuff. Yeah. And then
the subtle stuff that that translates to when
you're out in a restaurant, when you're at
the movies, when you're, you know, at your
company something something picnic parties, like, whatever.
That those things come in handy.
Anything
oh, this is the other thing about
spending time with family. Mhmm. This this came
to me, 1, because we've been long distance
before. And then also
the folks
who
are and not necessarily because it's a a
nonmonogamy
open and proud situation, but the I'm married
over here, but this person over here is
my dom. And that person over there is
married with their own family, and I'm their
submissive. And now we're at the holidays.
And it's it's
you're are you gonna
see one another? Is that even gonna be
feasible?
But
so that's something to think about. But for
long distance, that can get I remember for
us until we started spending, like, when we
could, a holiday day or 2 together,
It was really tough because we were each
pulled in different directions.
And so we didn't have a lot of
time to kinda come back to one another,
and we couldn't keep up our new normal
routines. We weren't communicating as much.
You know, there I would still be working
other than, like, Christmas Eve and Christmas day,
and you'd have several days off, but you'd
be at home and, like, with your regular
life going on and it, you know,
it was tough.
The thing is is talk about it now.
Make a plan
now.
The plan may not go to plan. You
might yeah. It's one of those things where
you you make the plan and then you
have to throw out the plan because reality
happened, but talk. No no no battle survives
or no plan survives battle. Right.
But it's worth the conversation. Like, when do
we think we can talk? Will we be
able to see one another? How do we
feel about not seeing one another?
What do we normally do on a routine,
and how will this upcoming visit with family
and whoever else
affect that?
You can't
completely
eliminate the possibility of feeling sad or feeling
lonely or even hurt feelings over the way
things are going, especially when you can't be
together.
But you can
minimize them a bit just by being upfront
and honest with each other. Like,
you know, if you are especially long distance.
Let's say, you know, one of you has
kids and the holidays are a huge time
for your children and for you as a
parent. That means there are times when your
priority is as a parent
doing the holiday thing you do with your
kids.
If you can fit this
partner into that in a way that works
for everybody involved, great. But that might not
be the case.
I can respect and understand and feel for
somebody who's like, I don't get to be
a part of that because we're long distance,
because
this is a a thing that maybe not
everybody knows about, whatever.
And, yeah, it can suck to be like,
man, I have to give up this time
that I thought I would have with my
partner or that we would normally get together.
But, you know, that's a that might be
a time when you realize, is this a
relationship I wanna continue? Because it's like, in
this case, I'm using the kids as an
example because that can be a huge priority
for people at the holidays especially. You know,
these children are part of this person's life.
And until y'all are more enmeshed to
And until y'all are more enmeshed together and
physically together, this will keep coming up. Right?
So if you're if it hurts now and
it feels like it sucks now and you
hate this now,
This doesn't stop. Like,
the kids continue to exist. Right? Mhmm.
But so you can't prepare for every eventuality,
but you can talk about it. You can
absolutely talk about it.
I know for for us,
before we got married I think before we
moved in, you did a Christmas,
with my family. Mhmm. Is and and I
did he get taken out to the barn
and have a real serious conversation
Yeah. While the future evil stepdad was, what,
cleaning a gun or something? Yeah. I was
like Yeah. Dude, you're only, like, 8 or
9 years older than this, man. What are
you doing?
Age gaps are weird.
This is a time of life
when age gaps are super weird. Anybody who's
ever been like, oh my god. My partner
is around the age of my parents.
You know,
it it gets weird because that normal,
like, chauvinistic,
misogynistic
bullshit of, I've got to threaten you with
a gun. I
do not like it.
It didn't hit the same when that person
was probably
in high school at the same time you
were. You know what I mean? They're probably
gonna retire when you retire. Like, that's just
it's we're not intimidating like a, you know,
18 year old here.
So but yeah. So what what was your
first
well, what do you remember for our first
first, it's Christmas. It's the holiday we celebrate.
What what do you remember from our first
Christmas together?
Oh, gosh.
Other than the being
subtly threatened with a gun. That, you know,
that that that was
sadly, that's the thing that kind of stands
out the most to me after all this
time,
you know.
Yeah. Evil Evil Stepdad, because he Yeah. Even
through dinner, he was throwing
questions and shit at me, you know.
Oh, yeah. Because evil stepdad, nosy as fuck.
He always couched in, oh, I'm being protective.
I'm like, protected from what? I've known you
since I was 25.
Yeah. Who are you?
My mother could have done that and I
would have respected it more because I'm like,
oh, it's my mommy. Yeah. You know?
Yeah. But, yeah, I I do remember there
being a lot of trying to be intimidating.
And I was just and you know what?
Part of that was the the whole
southern thing of
but part of it, I I've long thought,
especially after we got together and were together
and you were there for all the family
stuff,
was that
you were dealing with a thing that a
lot of people do to you, and I
just find laughable. You are quiet, and you
don't need to be the center of attention,
and you don't need
to tell everybody who you are, what you
are.
You know? Your your
confidence is quiet and does not have to
be,
like it's not blasted out. You know? For
the for the most part, I'm comfortable in
my skin. Right. And that's hard earned and
hard won. And it's a thing that's always,
like, been a draw to me. I just
fucking love it. And some people can't handle
it. And he was and I guess I
really think that they saw you as quiet
and assumed that and, oh god, this misogynistic
bullshit, that I would run right all over
you. Yeah. That I would push over. Yeah.
And it was like, y'all have no fucking
clue. Now early days when we we were
before we got married and everything, before the
whole evil stepdad thing reared its head,
My mom and and stepdad on their property,
they have this barn shop thing, and they
had built an apartment on the back end
of it that they had used while they
were building their house. What it became for
years, it was like our opportunity to have
basically a week away. Yeah. The kids were
there, but the kids are in the main
house with grandma and papa. And we were
in the apartment, and it was so and
I think we had that the first time
Yeah. As well. And so it was delightful
because it meant that we could be in
the house and doing the family stuff and
all, but at night,
you know, we Mhmm. Nobody can hear you
scream out there. That's right. And so it
was always such a
mind fuck to know that JB was being
treated a certain way on a perception of
what it means to be a quietly
confident man
and treating you like you were probably gonna
be a pushover because I am seen as
bossy, loudmouth,
pushy woman.
Sure. Whatever.
And it was always funny to me because
it's like, yeah. You're being you're thinking that
now.
You do not know what happens behind those
closed doors and what we how we are
desecrating
your apartment.
Okay. The shit we did. And yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yep. There was no because those walls
could speak. There was no doubt about who
was in charge of the situation.
So if you're if if you happen to
be facing that sort of the perception of
who people think you are because they don't
actually know this side of it, just remember
just remember who you really are behind closed
doors, and you ain't got nothing to fucking
prove to any of them.
So last one, and it's the one I
think that came to mind first when I
was like, this is a topic. This is
an appropriate topic.
Dealing with stress during the holidays.
Now we deal with stress all the time.
We have done episodes on stress and disagreements
and arguments
and anger. Did I remember to link to
any of those? No? I'll try to remember
that later.
So
this is not just a holiday specific thing,
but it is a thing that I think
throws some people
off because either because that's how it has
been in the past or because we are
believing the hallmark,
you know,
message of this is supposed to be this
happy, wonderful, joyous time.
And anybody who has to do anything with
planning around the holidays knows that the thing
they're probably not feeling
is joyous.
You are running from store to store or
or clicking from website to website. You are
waiting for packages to arrive. You're trying to
hide gifts from people. You're trying to deal
with family and
work is probably nuts. If you've got kids
in school, they're doing 85,000,000
thing. Like, it's a time like, it's a
time that does not always feel joyous.
And so Yeah. You know, I think many
people will internalize that of, oh, I'm not
real happy right now. I'm real stressed out.
I'm doing,
you know Mhmm. This holiday season wrong. No.
You're not. This is life. To me, you
know, yeah, life is stressful
on a good day. Mhmm.
But,
you know, coming into the holidays, I think
it it is magnified.
Absolutely. Especially with the high expectations. Mhmm. So
with respect specifically
to power exchange,
the first thing I always like to do
for folks is to normalize it. If y'all
disagree, if you if you,
perfect devoted,
loving, submissive,
are side eyeing your dom. Like, what the
fuck is wrong with them? You're not doing
submission wrong. Okay?
You're being a human at a stressful time.
The the thing that
will sometimes,
especially if it's been negotiated,
dictate how we respond to one another
in those moments is what you've negotiated in
your relationship. We've said this a 10,000,000 times
after all these years.
The rule I have is I can say
anything else I can need to to JB.
Even if it's tell him that he was
wrong and I'm mad at him, I just
have to do it with respect. That's what
we've negotiated, which gives me a lot of
latitude
to share my opinion. I think it's because
JB took one look at me and went,
this bitch is not gonna be able to
hold that curtain. It's
just not possible, so let's work with what
we have. Nope. Ain't gonna happen.
But, you know, if you've never had that
conversation, if you were so new into
power exchange, maybe not the relationship, but the
power exchange part, that you kind of can't
conceive that you'll get mad at one another.
Let me disabuse you of that idea until
you just start preparing
because something will happen. And how are you
going to handle the conflict?
We know people who put a time out
and go, we're not power exchange right now.
We are dealing with this
issue, and we will resolve it, and then
we'll go back into it. We, you know,
we have the say whatever you gotta fucking
say.
There are people who will schedule time,
specific layout time of this is the time
to go over grievances. That does not stop
you from being upset in the moment that
something happens.
But that can be helpful and useful for
knowing you're gonna have an opportunity to say
what you need to say. That is especially
important for submissives who, depending on your dynamic,
might not
have that kind of relationship where you just
say it in the moment. I have the
relationship where I say it in the moment.
Do I sometimes get told to hush my
mouth and we will talk about it later?
Yes. Yes. Indeed. Do I hate that? Yes.
Indeed. Yes. I do.
And then I have to hate it a
second time because he's right and we have
a more productive conversation
when we've calmed down.
I hate that.
So let's start there just just acknowledging.
There's gonna be stress. There's probably gonna be
a disagreement.
You know, you're gonna be short-tempered with one
another. I have
not,
not always as as in the way I
would like to, but I think I did
it just today.
I have found ways as a submissive
to be dealing with a cranky, grumpy polar
bear, John Brownstein,
and to say,
hopefully not in a condescendous anyway. I'm not
trying to be. I'm trying to be, like,
nice and sweet and go, I love you.
You are
my best friend. You're the best domino. I
love you. I'm glad we're married. This is
wonderful. However
But
you are speaking to me this way and
you're looking at me this way. And and
I said this today,
I am not the enemy.
I am here to make your life easier
and better. That's what I do because as
a service so that's what I do personally.
Help me help you.
Help me help you. Now if he starts
grinning when I start laying it on thick
like that and being all silly about it,
I know I can get sassier and sassier.
If he looks at me with dead eyes,
I have to tread very carefully,
and watch my tone.
The holidays are also a time if you
happen to be a service submissive who does
a lot of domestic stuff, a lot of
caregiving, like, to either older adults or to
children or to whatever.
This is a time you well know that
things get busier, And it's, to me, a
time you need to be talking to your
dom about
the division of labor
and things that you need help with. I'm
gonna be very skeptical of a dominant partner
who goes, that's not my job. Well, is
it your fucking household and family?
We all contribute here.
You know, JB knows that if you wait
for me
to put up Christmas decorations,
it'll be January before I go, oh, well,
that's right.
Christmas decorations. I've I've been the decorating elf
here. He has done it. He has poor
thing. He gave me one job
at Black Friday time. I don't know what
he was thinking, and I still haven't done
that one job. But he's, you know, he
knows there's no way I have time to
do the things I normally do as a
submissive, as a business partner, as a mom,
as a whatever Mhmm. And do some of
these other things. So he goes, I can
do these things. I have the time because
she's working on that stuff over there, and
he just does it. So it doesn't get
all laid on my shoulders.
In in a in a work
sense for us during the holidays,
you know, my work
is done during the day.
I I am cranking stuff out, you know,
making what what going on, you know, like
today. I'm I'm
I had several things. I was doing paddles.
I was working on some of the,
ornaments that we're gonna give as gifts to
family. I was working on a pen order,
you know, doing all all these kinds of
things, and and it's weird because at night,
you know,
I'm done.
I I I pack up the
the equipment and the wood, and I'm done
till the next morning.
You, on the other hand Are still going.
Still going strong.
And and, you know, it's it's it's funny
because
even though I'm her her big d, her
daddy,
there's still a part of me that feels
a little guilty.
You know, I'm always asking her, can I
help? Is there something I can do?
And guess what? I actually let him help
me the other day and I taught him
I'm wrapping paracord bundles. Paracord is important to
the kinkery.kinkery.com.
And I've been very delayed on this. I'm
wrapping up these paracord bundles. They have to
get done. It's not an option anymore.
But I had been jonesing for sweet tea.
Yeah. The youngest had been like, mom, when
because everybody knows mom makes the sweet tea.
Mhmm. Mom is the most southern of the
people living in this house. Mom makes sweet
tea. And I was like, yeah. Yeah, buddy.
I wanna I wanna make it. I I
plan on it. I plan it. It was
8:30 at night on a Sunday, and I'm
like, I still have not made this damn
routine.
So
I am really bad about asking for help.
If JB comes and offers help, if I
can think of something in that moment, I'll
I'll try to just go, yes. This would
be great if you can. And sometimes I
go, I cannot think of anything. I'm so
sorry. This was a moment where he was,
like, peaceful in his bathrobe just, like, chilling.
And I went, hey. You know how you
say you wanna help with things if you
can? And he goes and it was the
sweetest thing. He looked so excited. He was
like, yes. And he thought he was gonna
get to work on kinkery things. I was
like, no. That's not where I need help.
Nope.
Nope. She put me in a whole different
room. He's in the kitchen. Now podcast illustrators
cannot see this, but where we record, there
is a window. It's technically an exterior window
because our office used to be the outside
of the house. Mhmm. And that window goes
into the kitchen, and we usually have the
window up. We can talk through. We can
hear stuff, whatever. Mhmm. So I'm standing at
my shipping station, which is on the other
side of that window doing stuff with paracord,
and I'm walking him through step by step
through this window how to make my sweet
tea. Yeah.
Yep.
And he was I mean, it was it
feels weird to me from from the service
massive aspect
of guiding or walking through or telling my
daddy dom how to do anything
because of the way
I kind of see my role and how
I want to be talked to at different
times and and how we engage with one
another
in those roles. And this was outside of
our roles, but in a way, it wasn't.
He is a daddy dom. He's a nurturing,
caregiving
kind of dom. He wants to take care
of me. He really would like me to
let him take care of me. You
know? And so it's not and that's the
thing I would tell submissives. If you have
a dominant partner who wants to be fucking
helping you,
let them help you. They are no less
dumb. You are no less submissive. You're actually
just being a team and trying to get
through shit. Right. Because, you know yeah. It's
the other the other thing, you know. She
talks about how she does for me, but
in those moments when she's busy like that
and she's working late, I do whatever I
can
to, you know, to help her and in
make it as easy as possible.
You know, I'm checking, do you need anything
to drink? Can I get you a drink?
Do you want a nibble? Do you know,
you want a snack while you're working back
here? And that, you know, for
for the the folks who would be like,
oh, that doesn't sound very dominant. Well, I'm
guessing you haven't met very many caregiving doms.
That is extremely dominant because what he's gonna
do is he's gonna ask me for things
I want and or, back in the day
when we left the house more often, he
would just sometimes come back with, like, a
diet Coke because he knew it would be
a little thing for me and I'd be
happy. But
him
asking, what can I do for you? Is
not a subservience,
submissive
position to be in. It's a, I am
clearly communicating with you that I'm here for
you, but I don't wanna do shit that
does not help you, that does not
alleviate your stress, that does not actually do
anything for you. Right. That that's not contributing
to to moving forward with whatever whatever's going
on. This is right up there with communicating
your kinks. Right? It's like, you gotta be
able to say
the words to get the thing you want.
It's a little bit more fun and
not always easier, but it's kind of easier
when you're doing it under the the,
you know, umbrella of we're talking about our
kinks and I'm gonna get, you know, there's
gonna be fuckery in the future because of
this.
So
I don't think we think about it translating
to the one to one translation to another
situation, but it is no different. Those same
skills that hopefully you're, like, getting good at
and perfecting
over here are being used here. He is
just
he's he's It's it's just an extension of,
you know, talked about it for years. You
take care of your toys.
You take care of your toys. You know,
that's you have to.
And and also I I would like there
to be a parenthetical that's, unspoken, but I
have to say things out loud and your
wife. Yeah.
The person you love
and your life partner.
But, yes, also your toys.
It's a I think it's a thing that
you don't bring ego into it. There's no
point where you're like, I'm such a domly
dom. I have to be so much in
charge that I can never
be seen
asking
how to help. Right?
I'm
never gonna be impressed with the kind of
dom who just thinks they are just supposed
to know stuff
or treats their partner like their partner's input
is not important and not necessary, and that's
not just to kinks. We're talking about power
exchange, especially if you're long term, you're living
together, you're trying to build a life together.
You know, there's
so much more that goes into what it
means to be a domino sub in in
that relationship that has nothing to fucking do
with kinks. It's how you're navigating the whole
relationship.
But if a dom has this view or,
god, help us if the submissive has a
view of the dom of when you ask
for things that you're somehow no longer in
control or in charge. I've even seen
it's been a while, but, oh god, it
stuck with me. Seen as being weak,
weak to ask a question of your submissive.
No. We're we care about consent around here.
We care about actually doing stuff that's meaningful.
It's not meaningful to me if he comes
in and says, oh, I know I know
you need help. Here's what I'm gonna do.
And he's organizing paper clips
while, you know, I'm over here drowning in,
you know, paddles or something. Like,
you it's a
the best the best doms and subs, but
from a speaking as a as a the
best doms can
their ego is in the background. Like, yeah,
everybody's got some kind of ego. We have
these things we feel and, you know, try
to see ourselves out and try to be.
But it goes back to that quiet confidence
thing. He didn't Jimmy doesn't have to project
an image of what he thinks being a
dom means. He just has to be himself
and genuinely care about me as a human
being. And he's not always gonna get it
right. I'm not always gonna ask for help
when I should.
But
the whole,
hey. I'm here to be a partner with
you, and we're on the same team.
For us, as you know, in our relationship,
it extends way past the fuckery, way past
the what are we doing to be kinky,
and it's how we're living our life. That's
just there's a layer on top of that,
and really it's kind of interwoven of the
power exchange because the way we live our
power exchange is he is always the decider.
He is always daddy. We've said this before.
I'll say it again even though it makes
me, like, I have a feeling deep in
the pit of my stomach. He could say
tomorrow,
we don't do d s anymore.
I'm not your daddy dom. And whether he
likes it or not, he cannot control my
internal world.
I would still, to some extent, treat him
that way because
that's who we are together. I would not
use terms he did not want.
I would not I would stop doing activities.
But in my mind, he's he's always gonna
be my daddy. He's that's that's who the
fuck he is. He's not getting away with
from it
no matter what he does, no matter how
hard he tries.
But being the one in charge does not
just mean being the one to spout commands
and sit back like the grand poo ba,
and everybody's doing shit for you. It's getting
in there and getting your hands dirty and
getting shit done
in service of the relationship
and the well-being of your partner. That's true.
Either side of the slash, but, you know,
for these kinds of power exchange relationships, that's
what it takes and what it looks like.
Now what the it physically looks like
vastly different from from relationship to relationship. You
know? Some people are not gonna
stand there and let their
service witness walk them through making southern sweet
tea in the kitchen, but they might do
something else. They might offer something else. They
might,
show up in some way to help alleviate
the stress
in differently. But the point is is it's
gonna be stressful. These holidays is gonna be
stressful in life. And are you working together?
Or
is the submissive being thrown out there on
their own? And Dom's just like,
I'm just here
to get, you know, to get what I
want and for it to be about me,
and I hope you do good over there
or whatever. Like,
if you're ever like, am I in the
right relationship?
That's that's a potential test.
You know?
Are you a teen, or
is one of you doing making a lot
of effort and the other one
not so much? You know? Yeah.
So, yeah, the stress is gonna happen. It's
already happening. We're recording this in December. So
everybody's kind of probably in the thick of
it right now. If you have not had
the conversation with your partner
about
how you feel about the stress, what it's
how it's impacting your power exchange, we do
even less of our more outward physical power
exchange y stuff
at these this time of the year. It's
too busy for us. Too stressful. Right.
What it means though is 2 things. 1,
the little bit we can do, much more
meaningful because we know that it's like us
snatching away an opportunity. Count. Yeah. Right.
2, the moment things feel like they're slowing
down a little bit, and over the years,
we know kind of when that time frame
is,
we're gonna look for opportunities. We're gonna, like,
let's reconnect. Let's have a moment. Let's just
you know?
But I think it just makes it harder
if you aren't having the conversation about it.
If you're not laying it out there, like,
look, as you're submissive, I'm I I already
do these things, but now I've got these
things on top of it. Dom's, y'all do
shit ideally as the dom. And also as
a productive,
you know, human in the world, you've got
your things that you have to deal with.
And then you have the added stuff of
whatever the holidays brings to you. Right?
Neither of you are failing
if that other stuff is getting in the
way, but I think you're doing yourself as
an individual and the power exchange a disservice
if you don't just sit down and go,
look. This sucks right now, and how are
we gonna get through it? And what do
we need to calm down on? And what
can we where can we pick up the
slack for each other? And also, let's remember
we like one another.
And after these holidays are over, we'd like
to still be together.
Yeah. That's a thing I say to JB
a lot. Like, woah. Woah.
Woah. Yeah. This this moment sucks, but
we're still gonna like, we need to be
nice to one another now because we still
wanna be together then. So
remember we're on the same team? Mhmm. Mhmm.
And some of that's
old habits from before you got kinky and
before power change was a thing. You just
bring that stuff over because you went through
shit or you had partners who, you know,
did not pay attention to you or, you
know, you you handled things in ways that,
you know, might have been about gender expectations
and societal norms, but don't fit power exchange.
And most people
are if they're thinking about the communication they
need, they're thinking about what's what am I
doing as a dom? What am I doing
as a sub? What kinks are we doing?
What kind of scenes are we doing? And
and too many people forget, oh, yeah. We
we've gotta survive this family meal together. You
know? What that most people aren't negotiating that
until they're in the thick of it or
it's the aftermath and it didn't go well.
And you're like, what just happened to us?
Where did our power exchange go? And so
you're dealing with it in the aftermath. So,
you know, if you've got time, talk about
it now
is, is my whole is my whole point.
That's all I'm saying.
What wisdom would you add since I
you know, I I think I'd just say,
this at this time of the year, you
need to be kind to yourself. Mhmm.
And and remember that your partner needs a
little extra kindness too. They're probably not doing
this whatever they're doing to piss you off.
Probably going through it themselves.
So yeah. You know.
But,
I know I'm looking forward to rocking up
to the Christmas dinner and full leather gear
and paddles and vloggers hanging off utility belt,
you know. And see who's intimidating
then.
There's I imagine there's gonna come a point
in our life because, you know, I'm
if the boys,
you know,
get married in
a hetero
appearing
relationship,
there's that sort of jokey meme trope thing
of, oh my god. I'm I'm, you know,
dad's mom. Right?
And and dad's side of the family is
usually like, does anybody even know they exist?
And I get it because I'm very was
always very tight and have been very tight
with my mom and my mom's side of
the family.
So that makes me think that there will
probably be times in the future where our
holidays will literally be just the 2 of
us. Mhmm. And you know what?
I think I could see us having a
very kinky Christmas. Yep. It's just to do
it. Mhmm. Those boys better call before they
come over.
And they'll get an eye full of something
they can't unsee.
That's and, you know, I use that. I
use that with my my, like, my aunt,
and I don't have to use it with
my mom. She's already, like, I don't wanna
know.
But I use it with the kids too.
They're they'll get a little curious. You know,
the oldest is legal adult age. He asked
something. I'm much more prone to answer it
because I'm like, yeah. You
you're an adult, technically, on paper.
But that's my go to. You can't unknow
this. So Right. Choose wisely. Choose wisely.
So yeah. But now speaking of family and
kinky stuff, I was very proud of my
mother the last time she was in town.
She not only walked into this space that
we're recording in, which is our office and
inventory, blah blah blah. She, like, sat down
and talked for a while while I was
working at the computer. And there's I mean,
we have paddles stacked everywhere. We have all
kinds of shit everywhere.
Our boards,
podcast listeners, you can't see them.
For the video, we have background, and we
have a, like, a kinky
sex
sticker board in the background.
Mhmm. She sat where JB sits, which is
directly in front of that sticker board, and
never batted an eyelash. She was I was
like, look at you.
Look at you being around it without having
to, like, know too many details. And I
think I was wrapping handles for You absolutely
were. You know? Yeah. You absolutely were. So
yeah.
There's no one way to do any of
this. It's gonna be unique unique to your
situation, your Right. You know, your family, your
partner, your who you are as a person.
I just
like everything, I think it's the thing
we have to be reminded of is it's
worth a conversation before you find yourself in
the thick of it. Yeah. You know? Yeah.
You know? Yeah. You know?
It's worth a conversation before you find yourself
in the thick of it. You know?
And
your power exchange can be good for a
lot of things. It can provide structure maybe
that you want, and it can provide guidance
for how you wanna live your life.
There will always be outside factors extenuating
circumstances that are there to potentially blow it
all to hell.
And,
you know, being aware of that is part
of it and
kind of flowing with it until you can
get back to whatever air quote normal looks
like for you. It's another part. So
yeah.
Yeah.
So that's that on that, I think.
Are we,
Yeah. We'll go into a bonus section.
Reminder, if you're on Blue Sky,
so are we. Literally just in the search,
type our names, we'll come up.
We're still little baby accounts, so you can
easily like, if you find me, Kayla Lords,
you'll find every everything else, right, in in
who I'm following. Yep. So yeah. So there's
that. Mhmm.
So are we good? I don't know. It's
not for me to say.
Keep it kinky, y'all. And we'll see
you
next
week.
Yes, baby girl.
Can we talk to the crickets?
You can. We can. Thank you.
We are you. Who's talking to the crickets?
What have you got?
Bonus section.
We,
we went to see the oldest perform
last night. Yes. Brass band. Brass band. It's
he just joined this,
school year.
We missed the first concert of the year
because he decided to tell us about it
the day before. Yeah. In the same week,
he had another concert that we had already
planned on going to. I was like, we
cannot do all of these things in one
week.
So we got to go. You know? It
was Christmas themed. Mhmm. And it was really
good. Mhmm. It was really good. That was
really pleasant to to watch. And he did
a trio,
for,
a song. I can't remember the name of
it now. And he texted me before, and
I knew he was in it. And I
saw his name on the program. I was
like, oh. And he goes, you're gonna record
that. Right? I'm like, I'm gonna try.
So I recorded it for him. I sent
it to him. He's like, oh, I sounded
good. I was like, good. I didn't know
what I was hearing.
So I just was like, that's my baby.
And Mhmm. You know?
But,
you know, that was good. It was. And
he has gotten to a point, you know,
freshman year especially, he was like, okay. You've
you've come in with me. Let's go get
food. And now he's like, I am tired.
Mhmm. Y'all have a good safe trip home.
I'm going to bed. I'm going to sleep.
I'm too tired for this. I'm like, I
love this because I spend a lot less
money now on these trips. Yeah. Yep.
So yeah.
You can't see it. It's off camera. In
podcast listeners, you can't see it at all.
We do have our office Christmas tree.
I have found 2 of the ornaments for
it.
We don't have kinky ornaments. God, we should.
But we do have coffee themed ornaments. Mhmm.
So, hopefully, we've got 2 episodes left before
we go on our break,
for the end of the year. So, hopefully,
we will get our tree up. But as
somebody who was told 5 days ago that
she needed to fluff our tree
in the living room,
I hope nobody is counting on me to
get the tree out.
I I made her the designated fluffer.
I I it is it is a part
of dealing with a Christmas tree that I
am okay with. I it's kinda satisfying and
soothing to me as long as I don't
get bored. If get bored, oh my god.
I just wanna wander away. But if I
can get into the zone of it, I
love it because then I've got this nice
fat, floofy artificial tree when we're done.
But I have
we
our Black Friday did not go the way
we thought it would for the kinkery.
And our our Black Friday, like, oh, biggest
sales year. Everybody's shopping. For us, that was
this weekend instead of, like, the Friday
is delightful. I'm not complaining. But it's meant
that I've spent it's Wednesday now as we're
recording. I've spent the past 3 days
dealing with just the stuff that came up
from that. And I was like like, 12
hour days. And then the yesterday, we're stopping
everything so we can go to our performance.
We've got this and that. I'm like,
I I would love to floof the tree.
I'm not sure when I'm I can.
I mean, good lord, Sunday night. I was
like, Jimmy, here's how you make sweet tea.
Yeah. And actually, it was like, here's how
I make sweet tea.
Yeah.
But no. I'm also the one I think
I said this last time. I don't I'm
fine if there's no decorations on our tree.
It's really pretty just the lights.
But I do see that the decorations are
sitting out. Are they sitting out waiting for
me to floof the tree?
Do I have to put decorations on the
tree? No. Oh, yay.
Okay. I feel like I have incentive.
All I asked is for you to fluff
the tree. I know. You asked, like, literally.
God, did you put the trip day of
Thanksgiving or day couple days after? Day after.
Day after.
Yeah. I I feel awful, but but I
think in my defense, I have not been
sitting down to just be done until, like,
10 o'clock at night every day. See, I
I did not make it a task for
her either. No. Oh, god. The pressure. It
would have been done with the pressure. Yeah.
So The pressure.
But, you know, last year,
the way things played out for Christmas,
we were lucky to even get our tree
up. That's true. That's true. You were doing
better this year. And and and no decorations
on it.
And this year, I wanted to
make sure some stuff got put out. Yeah.
You know, I wanted the tree,
got the,
stockings
all hung on the the the bottom. You
do stockings every year. Yeah.
And,
did some of the stuff outdoors outside. I've
got a couple more things to put up
outside. Mhmm.
But the thing I wanted to make sure
too,
my mom
did a,
she was into ceramics for a while,
and she, she did some ceramics
and she has a
ceramic Christmas village. Mhmm.
And also ceramic
tree
And I wanted to, put that stuff out
this year. We still need to get go
get light bulbs that fit it. Yeah.
Yep. Mhmm. So,
yeah. That was kinda neat. But, you know,
yeah. And and put the,
got the nutcrackers. I put them all up
on, you know, up on top. This high
spot in our living room, dining room area
that
I mean, I Onyx likes to jump up
there. It's way up high. Like Yeah. You
have to get out the big ladder to
get up there. Mhmm. Yeah. I came in
through the
front door from something I probably run-in an
errand. I had to I had to go
get some stuff done. And,
I walk in and I just I'm like,
I just don't normally walk through the front
door and look up. Mhmm. I looked at
everyone, oh, all the nutcrackers.
So there's a nutcracker. I don't know if
it's an ornament or if it's just a
little tchotchke thing where
when it opens I don't know if you've
seen this online. When it opens,
it's not his mouth opening to correct it's
I yeah. I saw that. Yeah. It's a
dick popping out, and I'm like, I want
that. Yep. Not bad enough to go
seek it out, but I was, okay. I'll
take that take that to heartbeat.
Yeah.
Bad,
bad design.
I think that was a purposeful design, but
maybe bad design. I I I think it
was, I saw that
on, Refashioned.
Hippie.
Mhmm.
Yeah.
You follow her on Instagram? Yeah. I just
discovered she's got a YouTube channel. YouTube channel.
Yeah. Mhmm. I love her.
Discovered
she's got a YouTube channel. Channel. Yeah. Mhmm.
I love her. Her her humor is We
are very we are very curious about we
would never ask we'd never
come and ask,
is she kinky?
Mhmm. There have been a couple times I've
seen things that look like collars,
but I I often forget that that's a
fashion statement to some people.
So I'm like Well, she's she she has
made some comments in some of her her
reels that kinda had me. Yeah. And she
seems if nothing else, she seems like like
kind of she even did a real where
she goes, we do not kink shame here,
but we do kink
question why this exists. Yeah.
Yeah.
So yeah. Mhmm. Refashion Hippie on Instagram and
apparently on YouTube. Yeah.
No. What else? Ouch. Lola,
Aminis.
Mhmm. She I think we said this last
week. This weather that we've had, she freaking
loves it. She's in and out, in and
out, in and out. I just you let
her out a few minutes ago, and I
heard this thump on the side of the
house, and I realized that's her just, like,
plopping down in the warm rocks in the
sun.
She is baking like a potato out there.
I almost was tempted to join her yesterday.
You You have just walked around perpetually frozen.
Yeah. I'm over here going, this is the
best. I love this temperature. And he's like,
I'm a little icicle.
I feel bad for you, but also I'm
so excited to just not be so stinking
hot. I know. I know. You know? And
I'm I am I'm I am happy for
you.
I am.
I'm happy for you that you, you know,
have have managed to reach
some kind of tempered agreement there, you know.
I
part of it is
absolutely this weather,
and we you know, it's nice enough that
we don't we we don't run the heat.
We'll open the windows. If if it gets
a little bit more moderate, we'll have the
windows open. It's a little too cold even
for us to open the windows.
I think also my HRT
has started kinda kicking in Mhmm. Better.
So I'm feeling feeling the benefits of that.
So yeah.
But, yeah, that's us. Me, you know, I'm
just I'm I'm doing my shop thing.
Mhmm. I've it's early December,
and that's still technically enough time, but I
just pulled up, like, search tab things of
what to get our children for Christmas.
Oh, yeah. Extended family? Oh, yeah.
Extended family's getting homemade shit. They don't mind.
Every like, my mom loves that stuff. My
aunt is just as broke as we are.
She was like, I might not get you
anything. I was like, please don't. You cannot
I know what's going on in your life.
You cannot afford it. Do not worry. Yeah.
I know. So everybody's focusing on the kids
this year, which is fine.
But, yeah, I was like,
oh, yeah. They actually asked for stuff this
year.
We should probably actually get it for them
because they it's like one of the first
years in forever they didn't just go, just
give me money. Just give me money. Mhmm.
They're like, no. I want this thing and
that thing. I'm like, Yep.
So yeah.
That's
that's us. Mhmm.
I,
maybe it was getting a good night's sleep
and
not
overheating in the middle of the night. I
actually woke up
with a couple of
in-depth
topics
for the podcast. The holidays when, like, we're
half brain dead anyways, not the time for
it. 1, I actually wanna do more research
on. Very impressed with myself. And I wrote
them down so I would not forget them.
Well, that that's a good thing. That's always
a good thing. Yeah.
Yeah. We're
we're doing like the old days and actually
trying to plan for the year ahead. I'm
very proud of us.
I don't have anything
else. No. Because I don't think anybody wants
to hear me bitch about a
a profession I chose
and the work I I asked to do.
I wanna hear it. Hey.
Actually, this is the first day I think
I will be able to floof the tree
Okay. Because I think we'll be able to,
like I can slow down today. Yeah. It's
very nice. I was, you know, the I
I have wanted to
say,
you know, I know we have the, Q
and
A coming up. For Patreon. Yep. Saturday. Saturday.
December 7th. And,
you know, we talked several weeks ago about
going,
thrifting.
I know we haven't done that. And we
haven't done that. So maybe Thrift on a
Sunday? It doesn't have to be a Saturday.
I know.
We've had we've had stuff going on every
weekend for the last couple weeks. And we
also had a serious conversation about
semi serious, Thanksgiving
with the oldest, the 19 year old, about,
you know, why he would just prefer to
be in his apartment. And it's all valid
stuff that had I had an apartment at
his age, that's what I would have done
too. Yeah. Because he's like, I like my
bed better. I've
everything's my stuff is there, whatever. So
you mentioned it to him, and I heard,
and so it's been stuck in my head.
He's like, oh, so maybe we it's time
to actually
keep the bed as a, you know, guest
room or whatever, but
use the space, the spare bedroom,
for us and our plans. And so
I walked in today, and I started looking.
I was like, you know, if we move
that and we put, like, a big table
there, I that could be for me, and
you could have this and where and I
was because I I wanna utilize part of
it to make a little gaming spot. Get
a find a TV at a thrift store
and, you know, hook up the gaming consoles.
My concern, this is not a large room
I know. At all. Mhmm. He chose
that room when we moved in, but it
ended up being the smaller of the 2
bedrooms,
is that we have big dreams
and not
not enough space for it. Yeah.
So for me, I just want, like, a
corner,
of area where I can actually set up
my sewing machine
and, have a space to
not have to take it down and put
it away and every time it just lives
there
and,
maybe even a little little flat space for
easy cutting of fabric. I may, end up
rolling that that thing into the into the
bedroom anyway just to
Well, I don't know. You have to have
a conversation with Onyx. She uses the second
shelf I know she does. For looking out
the window. I know she does.
I we got to a point I have
this,
3 tiered rolly cart where I keep all
my sewing stuff Mhmm.
That is now covered in cat hair. Okay.
Because the the second shelf, there was an
open space that I didn't fill with anything.
And so,
Onyx started sitting there because it was perfect
to look out the window where next to
where it was. And when I my very
first ever, like, little quilts that are poorly
made were made for the the girls,
2 cat little quilts and one for Lola.
Yeah. And so
we folded up one of the cat quilt
things and put it on that shelf, and
that's that's their seat. Yep. I know. That's
their suit. You have to you have to
talk to your girl. I know exactly what
I'm gonna do.
You are in that frame of mind of,
like, you're moving and changing and doing and
planning, and you're like, I got stuff to
do. Like, it's a
it's not
I think it's a creative thing. It's a
renewal thing. It's a I wanna make changes
thing, like small changes, like, not, like, run
away from home and, you know, get a
Corvette or something.
Hey. I don't know. You know, that new
Corvette sounds pretty pretty,
wild. A 100 1,064
horsepower,
top speed at 312 miles an hour. I
feel like this is where I make a
disparaging remark about compensation, but whatever.
Overcompensating.
Anyway,
like, I it feels like a renewal energy
from you. Yeah. Like, you're just, I don't
know. You know, there I I have
been, and I started it. It's been a
slow
little process.
I despise
clutter. I really do dislike clutter,
and and
it's it's as much as my fault, as
anyone's, what has happened around here.
There's just clutter everywhere.
And and little by little,
I have started chipping away at it. Mhmm.
Because I'm I'm just tired of all this
I know. Stuff and and I have noticed
that as I have been clearing some of
this stuff out, it's also clearing
out stuff up here in my head. Yep.
Yeah. The my mom got me into this
habit years ago, and I stopped doing it,
oh,
after we moved into this house, quite frankly.
Mhmm. And she calls it she calls it
her purge every year. Yeah. She goes through
closets.
And if
she
didn't need it through the year, it's it's
used to be if I didn't think about
it, I didn't remember I had it. Mhmm.
I toss it. She I think she is
more aware of, how brains can work, and
it's more like
if I didn't need it, even if I
forgot this existed,
and what and you maybe had to buy
another one or whatever.
If it was never necessary within the past
365
days, then she gets rid of it. And
I used to do something like that Mhmm.
Myself, and I haven't for years. You
know, fun funny story on that note. When
we moved into the house here, there was
the ugliest chandelier in the dining area. Oh,
God.
It was so ugly. We
got rid of that thing quick.
Mhmm.
Yeah. That that didn't last long, but what
I did do
was I saved all the bulbs out of
there, because they were little,
LED candelabra
bowls.
Excuse
me.
And I put them in a box, and
and put them in the hall closet, and
that's where they sat. That has been dubbed
the tech closet now. Yeah.
And those bulbs
have sat in that closet up until 3
months ago.
And I was like, we are not gonna
use these things for anything. They don't fit
any lights we have.
Gonna get rid of them,
and I did.
In setting up my mom's
Christmas village,
did I find out that,
those bulbs would have fit perfectly
in that? Yeah. I did. I did. I
yeah. They would have. And see that's the
trap of falling into I have to keep
it because what if I need it. Right?
I and I get it. I get it.
I get it. Mhmm. Mhmm.
So but, you know, I I I think
there's even a term
for I think it's
a feng shui.
Ah, that's me. That's me. You know? I
know that's about how things are laid out
in a room, feng shui, but that's all
I know. And yeah.
And so, you know, it's,
yeah. It it's something I've been doing, and
I've been slowly
my gosh.
Just what I cleaned out of the closet.
We've And the closet still has a long
way to go. Our bedroom closet has been
a disaster for a while, but Yeah. Over
a few years where we did this crazy
marathon of freelance
sex toy reviews. God. I do not recommend.
No.
We had built up
stuff
that
had to be dealt with,
and some stuff just couldn't be cleaned. If
I never see a fleshlight for the rest
of my life, I'll be happy.
Yeah. You
your cup runneth over. Yeah. So did your
fleshlight. Mhmm.
So
Mhmm. Yeah. We've but we to my chagrin,
we still even have a couple of boxes
boxes
that have moved twice now that just got
stuck in the closet. Yeah. A lot of
stuff you brought home, from your mom's house
when we were cleaning that out
Right.
Never did put it anywhere.
No. I would kill for our closet to
be organized. Yes. Same. Now am I making
the time to go do that? Mhmm. No.
To be organized. Yes. Same. Now, am I
making the time to go do that? Mhmm.
No. I'm not.
Well, you know, part part of the thing
is with our closet,
and,
there's toys
hanging everywhere.
We need a better organizational system. We need
a bigger toys. Yeah. Need and I and
I and I'm noodling something that You're the
maker. You'll make something. It'll be perfect. Yep.
I'm I'm I'm noodling something,
And, yeah. I think we're we're
gonna do something in that soon because
it'd be nice to have that all that
a little bit more organized.
Oh. I could see it being a video
idea if we get it organized. Be like,
this is how we organized. I blah blah
blah. So before so just putting it on
record here. Before we make any changes, we
gotta get footage,
b roll footage of what it looks like
before. Because, whoo, it's not something we're proud
of. No.
No.
No. No. No. It's And and and you
know, the thing is too, it
because of the way stuff is
kind of haphazardly
in the closet, it's always a chore to
find what you wanna I know, and then
so you don't pull it out, because then
you got to put it back and Right.
So, you know, it'd be nice to have
all that stuff organized to,
excuse me,
to,
you know, have it better organized to just
be able to get to it when you
want it. Mhmm. Mhmm.
Yeah. I mean, we do we have
do we have a stockade
in the corner of our closet?
And I've even been thinking about a way
that I could make a base for that
to
Oh, my. Okay.
I do love your new,
renewed
creative,
era you're currently in. I
don't know if my ass can handle it,
but it'll be fine. It'll be fine.
So
yeah. Yeah.
I think you're I I feel like you've
had some,
in other ways, some weights lifted off of
you. I have. There's yeah. There's there's been
a couple things that are are are
yeah. Mhmm. Yeah. Mhmm. And I I love
singing it. Mhmm. I do.
Yeah. But
we should probably go now. Yeah.
We did that thing that a lot of
people do, where we said, well, we need
to go, and then we kept talking. I've
been doing that my whole damn life.
But for real, we we will, we need
to go.
We've got some other stuff to record. Yep.
And then we gotta do some other stuff,
and then there's stuff and
then more stuff. Always stuff. There's always stuff.
It's that time of the year. Yeah. Stuff
for everybody.
Mhmm. Thanks for being here, especially to the
bitter end.
We will see y'all next week. Okay. Bye.
Bye.