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You're listening to the loving BDSM podcast, episode

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420.

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420.

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Kayla Lortz here with the 1, the only,

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the, are you covered in sawdust or resin

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dust? John Brownstone. Little above. Figure. Yeah. Very

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dusty.

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John Brownstone today. Mhmm. I mean, I like

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it when you're a dusty John Brownstone, but

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I like clean John Brownstone too. Right. I

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do clean up well. So You do. You

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do.

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But that's not what we're talking about this

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week.

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This week, we're taking the easy way out,

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and we're responding to questions asked on the

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kinky side of Reddit. Welcome to the Loving

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BDSM podcast. If this is your first time

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listening, glad to have you. If you're back

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for another week, welcome back. Loving BDSM is

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produced every Monday Friday for your kinky pleasure

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and education. The show notes are found at

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lovingbdsm.net.

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Come back often and feel free to add

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the podcast to your favorite podcast app. You

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can also follow the show on fat life

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at loving BDSM PC

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on Instagram and technically threads at loving d

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s and the number one. That handle I

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fucking hate, I almost forgot to say that,

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It's loving d s one, and I hate

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it. More on YouTube at youtube.com/loving

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BDSM, where you can watch us live stream

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the podcast every Wednesday.

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All links are in the show notes.

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Okay. So it's not

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It comes under announcements, but it's really not.

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Before we get into the Reddit stuff, we're

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gonna do a small little section on Black

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Friday deals

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based on, yes, our shops, of course. But

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also

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shops and or products we like.

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This is kind of a throwback to when

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we used to do our favorite sex toys

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of the year. But that was when we

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were reviewing

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a dozen or more sex toys a year,

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and we don't. We haven't done that. Now

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that I accidentally Instagrammed too close to the

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sun, people are reaching out more.

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So in

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2025,

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maybe.

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I don't know. Yeah. So we're gonna do

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that so that if anybody is looking to,

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save on any kink or sex toy products,

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let's not pay full price if we don't

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have to. Right. Okay. So let me get

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my list up. It's a fairly short list.

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Mhmm. So we'll start off with our own.

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The Kinkery is having a Black Friday sale.

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It's actually the best discount we've ever given.

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And normally, the only folk who get this

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discount are are Proud Crickets on Patreon.

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25%

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off.

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We're recording on Wednesday, and I'm hoping

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by Wednesday night, the sale is live.

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That's what I'm working towards.

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If you're on our,

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Kinkery email list, you'll get an email about

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it. It'll be on social media the day

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after the email goes out. I'll put it

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in the

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loving BDSM newsletter this week. Like, we'll try

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and let you know. Mhmm. But, yeah, Kinkery.

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I expanded the candle

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wax play candle colors. We've now added green.

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It's not

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on the website as I'm

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speaking, but time travel, when the sale starts,

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it will be there. And it came out

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as a really pretty green. It's a dark

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green.

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And we'll have some other bits and things,

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and,

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we're doing holiday and winter themed diabolical 6.

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Yeah. It's it's exciting.

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Our Etsy shops are on sale because I

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should not be in charge of calendars.

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The loving BDSM

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Etsy shop and my book dreams Etsy shop

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book themed things.

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Day of recording Wednesday, 25 percent off. JB's

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Wood Handmade Wood Items Shop, the 25%

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starts on Thursday because I can't be trusted

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with calendars.

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Okay? Uh-oh.

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So

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that's us. Now let's get into

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the fun stuff.

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Thank you, Teshu, for letting me know in

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the chat. Elegantly owned on Etsy,

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25%

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off.

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If you're looking for a new collar, I

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am not wearing my collar today because y'all

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are lucky I'm wearing clothes at this point.

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Yeah. But if you've ever seen my collar

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or a picture of my collar and thought

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that's pretty, that's who it's from Elegantly Owned.

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He he does some beautiful work. In case

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you does amazing work. So while there's a

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sale, take advantage of it.

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I will be linking all of these things

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in the places

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so you don't have to go look for

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it. Of course, this is the moment I've

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realized I did not link to Elegantly Owned.

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There we go. Sorry. I'll get that link

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up. Okay.

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The first one on the list is a

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genuine favorite toy of yours for the year.

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Yeah. We just put out the video review

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that will be in the be loving BDSM

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newsletter on Friday.

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Fusey Fun

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Wave.

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Yep.

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And it's a surround sound

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prostate

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perineum

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penis toy. Like, all the bits?

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That's that's It covers all the bits. Covers

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all the bits. And then if you're having

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penetrative sex with a partner, they get some

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One one toy to rule them all. One

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toy to rule them all. Yeah. And the

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the sale is actually a pretty good deal.

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It's normally 70

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$5, and it's currently, like,

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$49. Wow. That's Yeah. Yep. So yeah. The

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if you're like this and this toy looks

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weird because it's one piece of silicone

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Mhmm. For,

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you know, back end to front end and

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just

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wraps around.

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Is it still in your top 3? Oh,

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yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

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Oh, yeah, he says. So if you're like,

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what is this modern marvel,

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link to the stuff, and and go check

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it out.

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The next one is my favorite toy of

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the year that got to try in 2024.

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The review is not up yet. It's also

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not recorded. I'm hoping to have that by

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the beginning of December.

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It's by WeVibe,

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and it's called the wand 2. It's essentially

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that big headed vibrator toy that I always

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like, the wand massager,

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in WeVibe with WeVibe technology. There you go.

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Technically, the app works with it. I don't

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I don't you I don't use the app.

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The I this is a toy that if

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you're using on yourself, you need a hand

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on it. So I don't know what I

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would be doing with my phone in order

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for I'll hook up on the app and

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add in there. You will. I'm sure you

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will.

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So Lovehoney

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sent me the We Vibe toys. So I

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linked to Lovehoney because they're having a huge

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Black Friday sale too. But We Vibe has,

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like, all of some of our favorite toys.

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The We Vibe Chorus,

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still one of our favorite toys. Your We

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Vibe that you like, the Bond? The Bond

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and the Vector. And the Bond is prostate,

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and the no.

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Bond is,

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ring? Cock ring, and Vector is prostate. Prostate.

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Yes.

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They have a panty one, the Melt, that's

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actually pretty good. I'm very

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about,

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panty vibrators. That one's a good one.

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So yeah. We'll also link to WeVibe. They

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are having sales as well. So far, none

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of these have been, affiliate links, but we

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do have a couple of affiliate links.

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I wanted to just because I follow them

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on Instagram and they keep putting out pretty

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things and we like the company. Mhmm. GoToMich

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out of the UK Yeah. Is actually having

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a sale all November long. They

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have still do the

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silicone dildos that they've done forever and the

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silicone,

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masturbators,

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which, you like. They're called the offbeat. Yep.

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They also now do a ton of stuff

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with grinding. Yes. Oh my god. They've got

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some handheld. They've got some strap on. They

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could put it on a thigh. Put Yep.

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They're gorgeous. Mhmm. I don't do much grinding,

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not because I don't like it, but because

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I'm I'm a a routine

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queen. And there's a way I do it,

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and I don't deviate often.

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That is an affiliate link.

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But, yeah, definitely go check them out in

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general.

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Mhmm. Especially if you want a beautiful,

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beautiful dildo. They do some Dildos are gorgeous.

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They they do some beautiful colors Mhmm. With

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their with their silicone. And I think they

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do some premade stuff now and still the

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the made to order where you pick your

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colors.

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But they're having a sale the entire month

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of November.

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So, yeah, if you're looking for a good

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silicone dildo.

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The stockroom

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might be having a Black Friday sale. I

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went looking, and I'm like Didn't see anything.

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Wow. Are y'all doing what we're doing in

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panic planning on Wednesday? I don't know.

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I will always like the stock room Yeah.

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Because

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their BDSM

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stuff in general comes from really good,

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brands. Mhmm. So

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if you've not checked them out before, feel

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free. They run sales

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all the time. All the time. If I

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promoted

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every sale they email me about, y'all would

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be so tired of me.

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But they haven't sent anything about their Black

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Friday sale.

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Podcast listeners, by the time you can even

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hear the sound of my voice, we're in

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Black Friday, so go click the link. That

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is an affiliate link too. Anybody who's confused

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affiliate links,

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you if you make a purchase using that

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link, we get a small commission. There we

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go.

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But I like to disclose them because some

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people have feelings about affiliate links. We are

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not paid to promote any of these. Not

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even the Fousey Fund or the WeVibe Wand.

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We did it in exchange.

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Because every time I've tried

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to charge for a review because it's more

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common, I feel like I can't say what

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I wanna say. So I just went, no.

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Fuck it. Just give me the product. Do

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not pay me.

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I can't do it. Right. Shevibe is another

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online store for sex toys that we like.

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00:10:02,084 --> 00:10:03,845
Their Black Friday sale is going on right

269
00:10:03,845 --> 00:10:04,345
now.

270
00:10:04,725 --> 00:10:06,725
They have they have all kinds of stuff.

271
00:10:06,725 --> 00:10:09,384
Their wand vibrator selection's really, really good.

272
00:10:09,845 --> 00:10:11,684
But on the front page of their site,

273
00:10:11,684 --> 00:10:14,404
they have some monster dildos. Like, dildos based

274
00:10:14,404 --> 00:10:14,904
on

275
00:10:15,605 --> 00:10:17,620
oh, and there were some pretty ones. There

276
00:10:17,620 --> 00:10:20,379
were some pretty ones. So I always love

277
00:10:20,379 --> 00:10:21,440
recommending Shevibe.

278
00:10:22,379 --> 00:10:22,879
Electrostim.

279
00:10:23,899 --> 00:10:25,040
I got an email

280
00:10:25,500 --> 00:10:28,139
that as an email subscriber, I have early

281
00:10:28,139 --> 00:10:29,420
access to, so I don't know when it

282
00:10:29,420 --> 00:10:30,879
officially starts. They're

283
00:10:32,774 --> 00:10:35,095
doing a sale Black Friday sale up to

284
00:10:35,095 --> 00:10:37,595
50% off, and so some stuff will be

285
00:10:37,735 --> 00:10:38,875
under that 50%.

286
00:10:39,735 --> 00:10:41,595
That is where we got

287
00:10:43,254 --> 00:10:43,995
the electrostim

288
00:10:44,375 --> 00:10:46,750
axis, which is basically a tens unit Mhmm.

289
00:10:46,830 --> 00:10:47,970
And our electro

290
00:10:48,509 --> 00:10:49,009
paddle.

291
00:10:49,710 --> 00:10:50,930
Fucking love that paddle.

292
00:10:51,710 --> 00:10:54,269
I don't like the side that doesn't give

293
00:10:54,269 --> 00:10:55,730
the electric buzz.

294
00:10:56,269 --> 00:10:58,625
That's really stingy and painful,

295
00:10:59,004 --> 00:11:01,404
but I love the side where you do

296
00:11:01,404 --> 00:11:04,204
get to feel the elect electric plate. Buzzy

297
00:11:04,204 --> 00:11:06,284
buzz. Because it's like a buzz. It's a

298
00:11:06,284 --> 00:11:06,784
delightful

299
00:11:07,164 --> 00:11:09,644
delightful. That is also an affiliate link. There

300
00:11:09,644 --> 00:11:11,819
is one for YouTube folks,

301
00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:15,799
that won't be good until Friday, but podcast

302
00:11:15,799 --> 00:11:17,339
listeners, the link will be in the places.

303
00:11:19,159 --> 00:11:21,259
Dom Sub Living, who we've partnered with

304
00:11:21,879 --> 00:11:24,745
several times over the past several years, They're

305
00:11:25,205 --> 00:11:29,125
discounting the replay of the Dom Sub Virtual

306
00:11:29,125 --> 00:11:31,044
Summit from earlier this year. So if you

307
00:11:31,044 --> 00:11:33,284
weren't able to get in on that and

308
00:11:33,284 --> 00:11:35,605
get access to all that content, we did

309
00:11:35,605 --> 00:11:37,769
a class on punishment and rewards.

310
00:11:39,509 --> 00:11:41,290
You can as of Friday,

311
00:11:41,670 --> 00:11:43,210
Black Friday, it'll be,

312
00:11:43,670 --> 00:11:45,050
half off. It'll be $49

313
00:11:45,910 --> 00:11:48,389
to get instant replay access to everything that

314
00:11:48,389 --> 00:11:50,490
was shared during the actual summit.

315
00:11:51,075 --> 00:11:53,175
So and that's an affiliate link.

316
00:11:54,115 --> 00:11:57,415
So, yeah, for general, I just wanna browse.

317
00:11:58,035 --> 00:11:58,535
Stockroom,

318
00:11:58,995 --> 00:12:00,375
She Vibe, LoveHoney.

319
00:12:01,315 --> 00:12:02,850
For specific stuff,

320
00:12:03,250 --> 00:12:04,629
silicone dildos, grinders,

321
00:12:05,490 --> 00:12:06,230
go to Mich,

322
00:12:06,769 --> 00:12:08,309
electroplay stuff, ElectroStim.

323
00:12:10,289 --> 00:12:12,389
Anything WeVibe with apps, the WeVibe,

324
00:12:13,329 --> 00:12:14,230
shop. FuzzyFun.

325
00:12:14,690 --> 00:12:16,795
I've I don't know if anybody else carries

326
00:12:16,795 --> 00:12:19,375
the Fuzzy fun wave, but the fuzzy fun

327
00:12:19,514 --> 00:12:21,134
dot com site does.

328
00:12:23,035 --> 00:12:24,095
And if if,

329
00:12:24,715 --> 00:12:27,375
if the idea of a surround sound

330
00:12:28,490 --> 00:12:28,990
toy

331
00:12:30,569 --> 00:12:32,269
for anybody who happens to have a penis,

332
00:12:32,730 --> 00:12:33,709
intrigues you,

333
00:12:34,649 --> 00:12:35,870
I'll link to the review.

334
00:12:36,250 --> 00:12:37,850
Like I said, one one toy to rule

335
00:12:37,850 --> 00:12:39,049
them all. One toy to rule them all.

336
00:12:39,049 --> 00:12:41,289
And if you're looking for a collar, elegantly

337
00:12:41,289 --> 00:12:42,269
owned on Etsy.

338
00:12:42,834 --> 00:12:44,375
And then, of course, there's the kinkery.

339
00:12:45,554 --> 00:12:48,595
I I really hope I'm not sliding into

340
00:12:48,595 --> 00:12:50,595
a Black Friday sale on midnight. I just

341
00:12:51,154 --> 00:12:52,514
if we could do it before dinner, I'd

342
00:12:52,514 --> 00:12:55,394
be happy. There you go. Okay. That was

343
00:12:55,394 --> 00:12:58,054
my as rapid paste caffeine high

344
00:12:58,909 --> 00:12:59,409
favorite

345
00:12:59,870 --> 00:13:03,470
products and shops for Black Friday. Don't pay

346
00:13:03,470 --> 00:13:05,709
full price if you don't have to. Keep

347
00:13:05,709 --> 00:13:06,209
going.

348
00:13:10,669 --> 00:13:11,169
So

349
00:13:13,664 --> 00:13:17,445
let's get into these. I basically picked stuff

350
00:13:17,985 --> 00:13:20,544
that I thought had a good chance of

351
00:13:20,544 --> 00:13:21,044
maybe

352
00:13:21,664 --> 00:13:23,044
getting me a little ranty.

353
00:13:25,345 --> 00:13:27,509
Which could be any of them. Right. So

354
00:13:27,669 --> 00:13:29,590
if I recall, I think all of these

355
00:13:29,590 --> 00:13:31,850
posts that I picked are a little maddening.

356
00:13:32,070 --> 00:13:34,549
You it's like some the either the person

357
00:13:34,549 --> 00:13:36,250
asking the question or the person

358
00:13:36,629 --> 00:13:39,029
involved with the person asking the question said

359
00:13:39,029 --> 00:13:40,470
or did something, or you're like, are you

360
00:13:40,470 --> 00:13:42,445
fucking kidding me? And that was that was

361
00:13:42,445 --> 00:13:45,024
the vibe I was going for for this

362
00:13:45,085 --> 00:13:45,585
month's

363
00:13:45,965 --> 00:13:46,465
Reddit

364
00:13:47,004 --> 00:13:47,504
response.

365
00:13:49,404 --> 00:13:50,784
Let's go to the first one.

366
00:13:52,684 --> 00:13:55,825
Turned off by my boyfriend's BDSM pictures.

367
00:13:56,860 --> 00:13:58,379
So I've been with my boyfriend in a

368
00:13:58,379 --> 00:14:01,019
long distance relationship for 4 months, and things

369
00:14:01,019 --> 00:14:02,720
are going perfect. Except

370
00:14:03,100 --> 00:14:05,279
we're both really kinky and submissive.

371
00:14:05,819 --> 00:14:07,899
In the beginning, we took the BDSM test,

372
00:14:07,899 --> 00:14:09,845
and he scored really high in being a

373
00:14:09,845 --> 00:14:11,924
rigor and a dom, but none of that

374
00:14:11,924 --> 00:14:13,605
turned out to be true once we met

375
00:14:13,605 --> 00:14:14,504
and had sex.

376
00:14:14,884 --> 00:14:17,044
Also, during our sex talks, I took the

377
00:14:17,044 --> 00:14:17,544
initiative

378
00:14:18,245 --> 00:14:19,376
once and now he's acting really submissive towards

379
00:14:19,376 --> 00:14:19,559
me. When we met, he never initiated and

380
00:14:19,559 --> 00:14:21,320
even seemed afraid of towards me.

381
00:14:21,620 --> 00:14:23,860
When we met, he never initiated and even

382
00:14:23,860 --> 00:14:25,860
seemed afraid to go full force. I had

383
00:14:25,860 --> 00:14:27,460
to take the lead, and I hate that.

384
00:14:27,460 --> 00:14:29,240
I'm a sub who wants to be dominated

385
00:14:29,300 --> 00:14:29,800
badly.

386
00:14:30,420 --> 00:14:32,200
We didn't have sex often.

387
00:14:33,485 --> 00:14:35,245
We haven't really had any dirty talk in

388
00:14:35,245 --> 00:14:37,165
over a month because of our schedules. And

389
00:14:37,165 --> 00:14:39,085
yesterday, I told him about how much I

390
00:14:39,085 --> 00:14:41,504
missed that and we should explore more together.

391
00:14:41,965 --> 00:14:43,965
Then he started to send me pictures and

392
00:14:43,965 --> 00:14:45,904
submissive poses and being gagged,

393
00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:48,580
and I was really turned off.

394
00:14:49,279 --> 00:14:51,759
I feel so fucking bad. He's perfect in

395
00:14:51,759 --> 00:14:53,299
every way, and being masochistic

396
00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:55,860
is really his thing, but also mine.

397
00:14:56,240 --> 00:14:58,399
I don't feel wound up seeing him tied

398
00:14:58,399 --> 00:15:00,404
up or begging for mercy. I don't think

399
00:15:00,404 --> 00:15:02,404
I can fulfill that dom role for him.

400
00:15:02,404 --> 00:15:04,664
He's perfect in every way except sexually.

401
00:15:05,044 --> 00:15:07,044
Turns out he's more submissive than me. At

402
00:15:07,044 --> 00:15:08,565
least it seems like it. I'm a sex

403
00:15:08,565 --> 00:15:09,065
maniac.

404
00:15:09,524 --> 00:15:11,684
Okay. And it's quite important to me. And

405
00:15:11,684 --> 00:15:13,284
honestly, I don't know how to move forward

406
00:15:13,284 --> 00:15:15,445
without hurting him badly. I wanna see what

407
00:15:15,445 --> 00:15:17,090
our sex will be like during our 2nd

408
00:15:17,090 --> 00:15:19,750
meetup. But if you're a dom, that's naturally

409
00:15:19,809 --> 00:15:21,970
already in you, and that was nowhere to

410
00:15:21,970 --> 00:15:24,529
be found within him. My feelings have changed

411
00:15:24,529 --> 00:15:26,289
a bit towards him because I suddenly realized

412
00:15:26,289 --> 00:15:28,370
we're not compatible at all. We both have

413
00:15:28,370 --> 00:15:30,470
the same fantasies, but 2 subs together.

414
00:15:31,004 --> 00:15:33,404
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I'm sorry.

415
00:15:33,404 --> 00:15:34,924
I think my attitude came out towards the

416
00:15:34,924 --> 00:15:35,745
end there. Sorry.

417
00:15:36,445 --> 00:15:38,764
Go ahead. What what what say you? They

418
00:15:38,764 --> 00:15:40,225
need a third to dom them.

419
00:15:40,845 --> 00:15:43,024
Somebody in the comments said the same.

420
00:15:44,669 --> 00:15:46,589
They can be together. Just need the need

421
00:15:46,589 --> 00:15:49,089
that 3rd person to, to dom them both.

422
00:15:49,549 --> 00:15:51,330
Assuming that they're open to it. Right.

423
00:15:53,389 --> 00:15:54,610
I had 2 things.

424
00:15:55,070 --> 00:15:56,909
1 and I get why people do it.

425
00:15:56,909 --> 00:15:58,684
They don't wanna sound like

426
00:15:59,065 --> 00:16:01,785
they're bad talking somebody or they say they

427
00:16:01,785 --> 00:16:03,304
feel like they have all these other good

428
00:16:03,304 --> 00:16:05,625
qualities. There's just a thing missing. Stop saying

429
00:16:05,625 --> 00:16:07,625
somebody's perfect and then listing all the things

430
00:16:07,625 --> 00:16:09,705
you don't like about them. Right. Yeah. Yeah.

431
00:16:09,705 --> 00:16:11,404
They are not perfect for you

432
00:16:11,865 --> 00:16:13,879
if that's like. If that's the case. Yeah.

433
00:16:13,920 --> 00:16:15,879
And I get why people say that. They're

434
00:16:15,879 --> 00:16:16,940
perfect, except

435
00:16:17,559 --> 00:16:18,620
then are they perfect?

436
00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:21,340
Now, one, perfection doesn't exist, but 2,

437
00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:24,279
he's amazing except here are these things I

438
00:16:24,279 --> 00:16:25,259
hate about him.

439
00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:27,660
Like, what?

440
00:16:28,504 --> 00:16:29,884
It's it's an incompatibility.

441
00:16:30,345 --> 00:16:31,705
Of course, it is. So then you just

442
00:16:31,705 --> 00:16:33,625
have to decide. Do you wanna invite a

443
00:16:33,625 --> 00:16:35,464
a Dom in? Who's like, sure. I'll take

444
00:16:35,464 --> 00:16:37,065
on both. Or do you wanna go your

445
00:16:37,065 --> 00:16:38,664
separate ways and and need to find your

446
00:16:38,664 --> 00:16:42,000
person? Right. Exactly. The the two things, though,

447
00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:43,220
that stood out to me,

448
00:16:43,839 --> 00:16:46,019
it starts at the top where,

449
00:16:46,720 --> 00:16:49,620
they say when they took the BDSM test

450
00:16:49,759 --> 00:16:51,199
in the beginning and his came out, he

451
00:16:51,199 --> 00:16:53,554
was a rigger and a dom. Mhmm. All

452
00:16:53,554 --> 00:16:55,235
I wondered, and we we are not hearing

453
00:16:55,235 --> 00:16:57,095
from the boyfriend, so can't ever know,

454
00:16:57,554 --> 00:17:00,615
is did did he answer the questions honestly,

455
00:17:01,075 --> 00:17:02,914
or did he answer them as he thought

456
00:17:02,914 --> 00:17:05,460
he thought he was expected to answer them?

457
00:17:06,259 --> 00:17:08,599
And then started exploring and went, oh, wait.

458
00:17:08,659 --> 00:17:09,159
Yeah.

459
00:17:09,619 --> 00:17:11,299
Yeah. No. No. No. No. No. I'm actually

460
00:17:11,299 --> 00:17:12,599
doing something else here.

461
00:17:13,140 --> 00:17:15,779
And the other part because the question itself,

462
00:17:15,779 --> 00:17:17,779
it's a simple thing. Yeah. Did you find

463
00:17:17,779 --> 00:17:18,585
a third or

464
00:17:19,144 --> 00:17:21,144
go your separate ways. The part that made

465
00:17:21,144 --> 00:17:21,964
me go, oh,

466
00:17:22,585 --> 00:17:24,505
it was, but if you're a dom, that's

467
00:17:24,505 --> 00:17:26,284
naturally already in you.

468
00:17:27,704 --> 00:17:29,625
It can be for many. For some, it

469
00:17:29,625 --> 00:17:31,224
can. Yeah. But it can also be a

470
00:17:31,224 --> 00:17:33,929
learned thing Yes. If you want to learn.

471
00:17:33,929 --> 00:17:35,609
The the thing about being a dom is

472
00:17:35,609 --> 00:17:36,970
not that it's naturally in you. It's that

473
00:17:36,970 --> 00:17:38,490
you have to some part of it has

474
00:17:38,490 --> 00:17:40,490
to intrigue you enough that you want to

475
00:17:40,490 --> 00:17:43,309
explore it. Oh, yeah. But yeah. The

476
00:17:43,690 --> 00:17:44,909
I was like, okay.

477
00:17:45,369 --> 00:17:47,769
Okay. Okay. I I feel for this person

478
00:17:47,769 --> 00:17:49,369
having this issue. You meet a person that

479
00:17:49,369 --> 00:17:51,585
you think think you're great with. You think

480
00:17:51,585 --> 00:17:53,765
you're compatible. You find out you're not.

481
00:17:54,144 --> 00:17:55,924
That's a basic one. But this whole

482
00:17:56,705 --> 00:17:58,465
you're just it's supposed to naturally be you.

483
00:17:58,465 --> 00:17:59,765
And if you're not it

484
00:18:00,705 --> 00:18:02,820
Yeah. I I just wanted go, no. That's

485
00:18:02,820 --> 00:18:03,640
not true.

486
00:18:05,299 --> 00:18:07,779
Yeah. That, you know, that that to me,

487
00:18:07,779 --> 00:18:08,759
sometimes when,

488
00:18:09,140 --> 00:18:10,819
you know, they say, oh, you know, you

489
00:18:10,819 --> 00:18:12,179
you have to be a natural at it.

490
00:18:12,179 --> 00:18:14,200
Otherwise, you're not, you know, real.

491
00:18:14,660 --> 00:18:16,339
You know, that's right up there with one

492
00:18:16,339 --> 00:18:17,240
way one

493
00:18:18,654 --> 00:18:19,475
true wayism.

494
00:18:20,095 --> 00:18:22,434
Yes. Absolutely. And, you know, I get

495
00:18:23,695 --> 00:18:26,994
I get where the thinking comes from because

496
00:18:27,455 --> 00:18:29,955
any little bit of media you're getting,

497
00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:33,539
about kink, whether it's books you read or

498
00:18:34,319 --> 00:18:36,799
porn or even the few movies that it

499
00:18:36,799 --> 00:18:39,380
kinda shows up in, you tend to see

500
00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:41,920
dom or sub as if they were kind

501
00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:44,894
of always this way, but something brought it

502
00:18:44,894 --> 00:18:47,375
out in them, whether it's their trauma or

503
00:18:47,375 --> 00:18:48,115
whether it's,

504
00:18:48,414 --> 00:18:50,255
you know, I I don't get to be

505
00:18:50,255 --> 00:18:51,615
the boss at work, so I wanna be

506
00:18:51,615 --> 00:18:52,974
the boss, you know, in the bedroom or

507
00:18:52,974 --> 00:18:54,950
whatever, like, whatever tropes they're using. But it

508
00:18:54,950 --> 00:18:57,269
is just a trope. It's not Yeah. You

509
00:18:57,269 --> 00:18:59,609
know, some people will fit that, but

510
00:18:59,910 --> 00:19:02,170
others won't. And I think the the

511
00:19:02,549 --> 00:19:04,809
concern I have is how invalidating

512
00:19:05,190 --> 00:19:07,285
it can be for people who are like,

513
00:19:07,285 --> 00:19:08,965
well, I don't feel this naturally, but I

514
00:19:08,965 --> 00:19:11,684
am curious and I am learning this that

515
00:19:11,684 --> 00:19:13,045
that I am capable of this and that

516
00:19:13,045 --> 00:19:15,605
I enjoy this Yeah. To then be told

517
00:19:15,605 --> 00:19:17,845
that maybe they're not really air quote that.

518
00:19:17,845 --> 00:19:18,984
I I mean, you know,

519
00:19:19,940 --> 00:19:21,859
don't get it wrong, there are people who

520
00:19:21,859 --> 00:19:24,179
are because I I I look at, you

521
00:19:24,179 --> 00:19:24,839
know, being

522
00:19:25,539 --> 00:19:28,200
being a big d, you're you're a leader.

523
00:19:28,740 --> 00:19:30,500
Okay? And, you know, there are people who,

524
00:19:30,500 --> 00:19:33,079
yes, are natural leaders. Absolutely. Okay?

525
00:19:33,380 --> 00:19:35,505
And and there are others who have that

526
00:19:36,704 --> 00:19:38,964
grain in them and, you know, they can

527
00:19:39,904 --> 00:19:43,204
they can learn. Mhmm. Mhmm. And some people

528
00:19:43,345 --> 00:19:44,325
don't realize,

529
00:19:45,265 --> 00:19:46,884
whether through life circumstances,

530
00:19:47,505 --> 00:19:50,809
gender roles, societal expectations based on wherever you

531
00:19:50,809 --> 00:19:52,490
grew up and however you grew up, whatever

532
00:19:52,490 --> 00:19:54,250
it is. Some people don't even realize that

533
00:19:54,250 --> 00:19:56,670
they have it within them to take control

534
00:19:57,210 --> 00:19:59,369
or to to have the power or to

535
00:19:59,369 --> 00:20:01,049
lead in the way that a dominant can

536
00:20:01,049 --> 00:20:01,549
lead

537
00:20:02,250 --> 00:20:03,549
until they finally

538
00:20:04,250 --> 00:20:06,965
have have the opportunity to go

539
00:20:07,424 --> 00:20:09,105
figure out if that's something that they enjoy.

540
00:20:09,105 --> 00:20:10,625
And I don't think any of those folk

541
00:20:10,625 --> 00:20:11,904
would or may

542
00:20:12,545 --> 00:20:14,545
some of those folk would not say that

543
00:20:14,545 --> 00:20:16,705
it came naturally to them because quite frankly,

544
00:20:16,705 --> 00:20:18,085
they had to set aside

545
00:20:18,625 --> 00:20:20,085
everything they'd been taught

546
00:20:21,019 --> 00:20:23,339
by the world True. To go, hey. I've

547
00:20:23,339 --> 00:20:25,519
got this within me. The other thing is

548
00:20:26,140 --> 00:20:27,119
natural leaders,

549
00:20:28,059 --> 00:20:30,140
we've talked about this. Submissives can be natural

550
00:20:30,140 --> 00:20:31,200
leaders. We just

551
00:20:31,500 --> 00:20:34,505
aren't always gonna be leading or our leadership

552
00:20:34,744 --> 00:20:36,664
Not always naturally gonna be the leaders. Yeah.

553
00:20:36,664 --> 00:20:37,724
Right. And our leadership

554
00:20:38,424 --> 00:20:41,384
tends to look like service in some form

555
00:20:41,384 --> 00:20:42,045
or fashion.

556
00:20:43,224 --> 00:20:44,285
So, yeah, I just

557
00:20:46,025 --> 00:20:48,569
the stereotypes and the tropes and the cliches.

558
00:20:48,869 --> 00:20:49,369
Damn.

559
00:20:50,470 --> 00:20:50,970
Right?

560
00:20:51,349 --> 00:20:53,750
Also, if I seem to be speaking fast,

561
00:20:53,750 --> 00:20:55,750
blame it on all the coffee. Right. Right.

562
00:20:55,750 --> 00:20:57,049
Right. Okay.

563
00:20:57,589 --> 00:20:59,750
This one is asked am I the asshole,

564
00:20:59,750 --> 00:21:01,269
but they did not put it in the

565
00:21:01,269 --> 00:21:01,769
BDSM

566
00:21:02,149 --> 00:21:04,365
am I the asshole, subreddit run by our

567
00:21:04,365 --> 00:21:06,285
friend, Rara, and I wish people would use

568
00:21:06,285 --> 00:21:08,065
that one because I go there first.

569
00:21:08,525 --> 00:21:10,365
And if there's not anything new or anything

570
00:21:10,365 --> 00:21:11,184
that looks interesting,

571
00:21:11,644 --> 00:21:12,465
I you know?

572
00:21:13,085 --> 00:21:15,745
Like so I found it here in BDSM

573
00:21:15,884 --> 00:21:17,039
advice, but here we go.

574
00:21:17,759 --> 00:21:18,900
Am I the asshole?

575
00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:22,320
Dom left to party during long distance denial

576
00:21:22,320 --> 00:21:24,820
play says I'm gaslighting him.

577
00:21:25,359 --> 00:21:27,200
Here's a too long didn't read. A new

578
00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:28,559
Dom told me to put a butt plug

579
00:21:28,559 --> 00:21:30,559
in for him long distance and then went

580
00:21:30,559 --> 00:21:32,434
out to party before wrapping up the scene

581
00:21:32,434 --> 00:21:33,734
or giving further instructions.

582
00:21:34,195 --> 00:21:36,674
I felt abandoned during play, which he says

583
00:21:36,674 --> 00:21:39,634
is gaslighting and gave him the ick. I

584
00:21:39,634 --> 00:21:41,555
already don't like this guy. But here we

585
00:21:41,555 --> 00:21:42,775
go. Let's get into it.

586
00:21:43,795 --> 00:21:46,700
I, 29 female, have been dating someone 38

587
00:21:46,700 --> 00:21:48,480
male for 3 weeks,

588
00:21:49,099 --> 00:21:51,420
and it was going extremely well. I have

589
00:21:51,420 --> 00:21:54,059
some sub kink experience mostly around impact, and

590
00:21:54,059 --> 00:21:56,380
he has been in formal DS relationships both

591
00:21:56,380 --> 00:21:57,519
sexual and lifestyle.

592
00:21:57,980 --> 00:22:00,220
So in addition to vanilla interests, we were

593
00:22:00,220 --> 00:22:02,634
also really aligned on him helping me grow

594
00:22:02,634 --> 00:22:05,454
and explore fuller submission in a safe way.

595
00:22:05,914 --> 00:22:07,994
After 3 weeks of dating, I left for

596
00:22:07,994 --> 00:22:09,375
a 2 week preplanned

597
00:22:09,674 --> 00:22:10,815
international vacation,

598
00:22:11,194 --> 00:22:13,355
which I'm at the end of now. He

599
00:22:13,355 --> 00:22:15,210
and I have texted every day. And just

600
00:22:15,210 --> 00:22:17,289
2 days ago, he told me he really

601
00:22:17,289 --> 00:22:19,369
sees me in his future, is so excited

602
00:22:19,369 --> 00:22:21,369
and happy that we're together, and would be

603
00:22:21,369 --> 00:22:23,390
ecstatic to see me when I got home.

604
00:22:23,609 --> 00:22:24,909
I completely reciprocated.

605
00:22:25,690 --> 00:22:27,769
The next day, I was souvenir shopping and

606
00:22:27,769 --> 00:22:28,755
popped into a sex

607
00:22:29,234 --> 00:22:30,755
shop. While there, he told me to purchase

608
00:22:30,755 --> 00:22:32,355
a butt plug and wear it for him

609
00:22:32,355 --> 00:22:34,194
on my way out, but that I was

610
00:22:34,194 --> 00:22:35,954
still not to come until I was with

611
00:22:35,954 --> 00:22:38,595
him. That was previously agreed upon. The butt

612
00:22:38,595 --> 00:22:41,109
plug suggestion really took me by surprise, but

613
00:22:41,109 --> 00:22:42,869
I went along with it. After putting it

614
00:22:42,869 --> 00:22:44,950
in, I got really turned on and started

615
00:22:44,950 --> 00:22:46,169
texting him increasingly,

616
00:22:47,109 --> 00:22:47,609
frantically

617
00:22:47,990 --> 00:22:50,009
as I dropped into the subby role.

618
00:22:50,549 --> 00:22:53,190
The texting started strong on both sides, but

619
00:22:53,190 --> 00:22:55,335
over the next 30 to 60 minutes, he

620
00:22:55,335 --> 00:22:57,894
started replying less and less frequently and with

621
00:22:57,894 --> 00:22:59,355
less engaged responses,

622
00:22:59,894 --> 00:23:02,234
for an example, like, with just an emoji.

623
00:23:02,694 --> 00:23:04,615
Eventually, I asked if he had gone out

624
00:23:04,615 --> 00:23:06,855
since it was Saturday night, and he seemed

625
00:23:06,855 --> 00:23:08,534
not to be paying attention to me. He

626
00:23:08,534 --> 00:23:10,809
said, indeed, I did. You can take the

627
00:23:10,809 --> 00:23:12,250
plug out when you get back to the

628
00:23:12,250 --> 00:23:12,750
hotel.

629
00:23:13,609 --> 00:23:14,669
I crashed immediately.

630
00:23:14,970 --> 00:23:16,809
All of the euphoria of playing with him

631
00:23:16,809 --> 00:23:18,809
went away when I realized he wasn't focused

632
00:23:18,809 --> 00:23:20,650
on the scene anymore and the wrap up

633
00:23:20,650 --> 00:23:21,390
felt dismissive.

634
00:23:22,089 --> 00:23:24,089
So I told him that I felt abandoned

635
00:23:24,089 --> 00:23:26,535
and foolish, which was also making me angry.

636
00:23:26,595 --> 00:23:27,335
He said,

637
00:23:27,715 --> 00:23:28,215
what?

638
00:23:28,755 --> 00:23:30,115
I said I wish we had set up

639
00:23:30,115 --> 00:23:32,275
better expectations since this play was new to

640
00:23:32,275 --> 00:23:35,255
me and had made me feel really vulnerable,

641
00:23:35,475 --> 00:23:38,035
especially realizing that he wasn't engaged the way

642
00:23:38,035 --> 00:23:38,695
I was.

643
00:23:39,250 --> 00:23:39,990
He disagreed.

644
00:23:40,450 --> 00:23:42,529
In short, he said I should feel joyful

645
00:23:42,529 --> 00:23:44,450
that he was choosing to play with me

646
00:23:44,450 --> 00:23:46,369
at all while he was out living his

647
00:23:46,369 --> 00:23:46,869
life.

648
00:23:47,409 --> 00:23:49,409
I tried to explain that the experience had

649
00:23:49,409 --> 00:23:51,809
been emotional and intense for me, and I'd

650
00:23:51,809 --> 00:23:53,409
wanted to share that with him, but he

651
00:23:53,409 --> 00:23:54,230
stopped replying.

652
00:23:54,784 --> 00:23:56,384
In the morning, he said I'd given him

653
00:23:56,384 --> 00:23:58,544
the ick. I was guilting and gaslighting him,

654
00:23:58,544 --> 00:24:00,065
and that he no longer wanted to see

655
00:24:00,065 --> 00:24:02,404
me when I get back, like, ever again.

656
00:24:03,345 --> 00:24:05,505
I'm just reeling. This was my first time

657
00:24:05,505 --> 00:24:07,825
trying long distance play or denial play to

658
00:24:07,825 --> 00:24:10,430
this level. It was an exciting, but also

659
00:24:10,430 --> 00:24:12,990
scary experience, and he's made me feel like

660
00:24:12,990 --> 00:24:15,150
I completely fucked it up by wanting more

661
00:24:15,150 --> 00:24:16,049
of his attention.

662
00:24:16,430 --> 00:24:18,350
Am I the asshole? No. You didn't fuck

663
00:24:18,350 --> 00:24:19,710
it up. What what you did was you

664
00:24:19,710 --> 00:24:21,585
brought it to light what he really is.

665
00:24:21,984 --> 00:24:24,865
Yes. And you should be happy that he

666
00:24:24,865 --> 00:24:26,865
doesn't want to see you Yes. When you

667
00:24:26,865 --> 00:24:29,284
get back. That's called dodging a bullet. Mhmm.

668
00:24:29,345 --> 00:24:29,845
Yeah.

669
00:24:30,224 --> 00:24:30,724
Yep.

670
00:24:31,105 --> 00:24:33,845
Yeah. So, yeah. Consider yourself lucky.

671
00:24:34,144 --> 00:24:36,464
Yeah. I mean, it the you're gonna feel

672
00:24:36,464 --> 00:24:38,640
like shit and that sucks, but yeah. But

673
00:24:38,759 --> 00:24:40,680
yeah. After 3 weeks, good to know. And,

674
00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:42,200
you know, it there it it may take

675
00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:43,559
some time, but there's gonna come a point

676
00:24:43,559 --> 00:24:45,100
that you're gonna look back and say,

677
00:24:45,559 --> 00:24:47,100
yeah. That was close. Yeah.

678
00:24:47,640 --> 00:24:48,680
Glad glad that one's

679
00:24:49,400 --> 00:24:50,779
yes. I mean,

680
00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:52,299
is it possible

681
00:24:53,174 --> 00:24:56,214
to do long distance play while 1 or

682
00:24:56,214 --> 00:24:58,714
both of you are out living your life

683
00:24:59,095 --> 00:25:01,654
and just and for responses to get a

684
00:25:01,654 --> 00:25:03,115
little intermittent? Yeah.

685
00:25:03,894 --> 00:25:05,595
I personally would not recommend

686
00:25:06,970 --> 00:25:08,990
playing like that No. Unless

687
00:25:09,529 --> 00:25:12,009
you both know. Like Right. If he had

688
00:25:12,009 --> 00:25:13,690
said, hey. We're gonna do this, but I'm

689
00:25:13,690 --> 00:25:14,669
gonna be out

690
00:25:14,970 --> 00:25:16,890
at a party for a few hours Yeah.

691
00:25:16,970 --> 00:25:18,829
Just know that. Right? Or,

692
00:25:20,744 --> 00:25:21,484
you know,

693
00:25:22,105 --> 00:25:23,944
hey, if you're gonna be out while doing

694
00:25:23,944 --> 00:25:26,505
this shopping, like, you would give me long

695
00:25:26,505 --> 00:25:28,345
distance play things. I'd be wearing a butt

696
00:25:28,345 --> 00:25:30,585
plug while I was out grocery shopping. Like,

697
00:25:30,585 --> 00:25:32,345
it was part of the point was to

698
00:25:32,345 --> 00:25:34,585
get to play while doing real life stuff.

699
00:25:34,585 --> 00:25:36,529
Mhmm. But there was also a conversation and

700
00:25:36,529 --> 00:25:38,069
an understanding about

701
00:25:38,369 --> 00:25:40,529
it. But also and I hope this person

702
00:25:40,529 --> 00:25:41,509
walks away with

703
00:25:42,049 --> 00:25:43,910
the hard one knowledge that

704
00:25:44,609 --> 00:25:47,089
it can be exciting to be given a

705
00:25:47,089 --> 00:25:49,329
task, air quote, that however you'd like, or

706
00:25:49,329 --> 00:25:51,724
a new sexual experience off the cuff.

707
00:25:52,664 --> 00:25:54,825
But even if it sounds exciting in the

708
00:25:54,825 --> 00:25:57,545
moment, my recommendation would be until we can

709
00:25:57,545 --> 00:25:59,384
talk it out, I'm not buying I'll buy

710
00:25:59,384 --> 00:26:01,065
the butt plug, but I'm not putting it

711
00:26:01,065 --> 00:26:03,785
in me until we've talked about playing like

712
00:26:03,785 --> 00:26:06,500
this. What's expected? Yeah. Right. Because the having

713
00:26:06,500 --> 00:26:07,200
the the

714
00:26:07,580 --> 00:26:08,080
emotional

715
00:26:08,940 --> 00:26:12,779
and intense feelings and that that reaction, getting

716
00:26:12,779 --> 00:26:15,119
in that subby headspace that deeply,

717
00:26:15,580 --> 00:26:18,539
that's not that uncommon. Right. And, you know,

718
00:26:18,539 --> 00:26:20,140
when it's a new thing, especially

719
00:26:20,460 --> 00:26:22,005
Mhmm. You know, not

720
00:26:23,125 --> 00:26:23,625
having

721
00:26:23,924 --> 00:26:26,244
some sort of contact or access to your

722
00:26:26,244 --> 00:26:28,805
Dom that you are anticipating that you would

723
00:26:28,805 --> 00:26:31,365
normally have Yeah. Without being told ahead of

724
00:26:31,365 --> 00:26:33,204
time Mhmm. That can fuck a person up.

725
00:26:33,204 --> 00:26:35,480
Also, that guy doesn't know what gaslighting means.

726
00:26:35,480 --> 00:26:37,480
Right. You know, and and I have to

727
00:26:37,480 --> 00:26:39,500
say, you know, in in

728
00:26:40,519 --> 00:26:43,259
you listening to this, but I can't talk.

729
00:26:45,400 --> 00:26:46,140
You know,

730
00:26:47,335 --> 00:26:49,335
I think the one thing that she that

731
00:26:49,335 --> 00:26:51,355
this person may have been

732
00:26:51,735 --> 00:26:53,575
in air about, and then they admitted it

733
00:26:53,575 --> 00:26:55,414
in the in the in the thing, was,

734
00:26:55,414 --> 00:26:57,414
you know, not understanding it, not knowing the

735
00:26:57,414 --> 00:26:57,914
expectations.

736
00:26:58,215 --> 00:26:59,914
Right. You know, and,

737
00:27:00,730 --> 00:27:02,905
you know, give them a little bit of

738
00:27:02,905 --> 00:27:03,321
a

739
00:27:03,737 --> 00:27:05,849
Sure. You know, because they're they're kind of

740
00:27:05,849 --> 00:27:08,169
new, I think they said. Right. You know,

741
00:27:08,169 --> 00:27:08,669
so

742
00:27:09,289 --> 00:27:11,769
but the thing is, they learn something because

743
00:27:11,769 --> 00:27:12,884
they say, you know,

744
00:27:13,365 --> 00:27:14,724
should have been a little clear about this

745
00:27:14,724 --> 00:27:16,565
in the beginning. Right. If this guy was

746
00:27:16,565 --> 00:27:19,125
as experienced and as good and as this

747
00:27:19,125 --> 00:27:21,684
and whatever else was promised Yeah. You know,

748
00:27:21,684 --> 00:27:23,384
in the previous 3 weeks,

749
00:27:23,924 --> 00:27:24,424
that

750
00:27:25,069 --> 00:27:27,230
that would've there would've been maybe a deeper

751
00:27:27,230 --> 00:27:29,630
discussion. There would've been some expectation management. There

752
00:27:29,630 --> 00:27:31,569
would've been something. I,

753
00:27:32,109 --> 00:27:33,890
you know, I wanna I want

754
00:27:34,269 --> 00:27:37,069
new people, kinksters of any kind, of any

755
00:27:37,069 --> 00:27:39,309
side of the slash, to think about these

756
00:27:39,309 --> 00:27:41,075
things before they happen to them so that

757
00:27:41,075 --> 00:27:42,275
you can go, hey. Can we talk about

758
00:27:42,275 --> 00:27:44,195
this? But the fact of the matter is

759
00:27:44,195 --> 00:27:45,955
it's sometimes it's gonna come up and you're

760
00:27:45,955 --> 00:27:47,555
not gonna know and you're gonna it's gonna

761
00:27:47,555 --> 00:27:49,414
be a lesson you learn for the future.

762
00:27:49,555 --> 00:27:51,654
Yeah. And, you know, if

763
00:27:51,970 --> 00:27:53,809
this guy was supposed to be somebody who

764
00:27:53,809 --> 00:27:56,610
was teaching her how to be submissive in

765
00:27:56,610 --> 00:27:59,809
a safe way, well, he's already fucking Screwed

766
00:27:59,809 --> 00:28:01,650
that up. Yeah, up the test. Because he's

767
00:28:01,650 --> 00:28:03,650
like, oh, we haven't talked about this. I'm

768
00:28:03,650 --> 00:28:05,345
not here to help you. There certainly won't

769
00:28:05,345 --> 00:28:07,024
be any aftercare, but go do this thing

770
00:28:07,024 --> 00:28:08,944
for me. Right. I mean, you know, that

771
00:28:08,944 --> 00:28:09,845
to me that,

772
00:28:11,264 --> 00:28:13,284
you know, priorities, you know, finish

773
00:28:13,904 --> 00:28:15,764
what you started kinda thing. Exactly.

774
00:28:16,240 --> 00:28:18,079
Exactly. But I I agree with you. Dodged

775
00:28:18,079 --> 00:28:19,380
a bullet there. Mhmm.

776
00:28:19,919 --> 00:28:20,419
Okay.

777
00:28:22,640 --> 00:28:23,460
Next one.

778
00:28:24,559 --> 00:28:27,119
My sub is getting clingy, and I need

779
00:28:27,119 --> 00:28:27,619
advice.

780
00:28:28,400 --> 00:28:31,674
I've, 28 female, had the same submissive, 28

781
00:28:31,674 --> 00:28:33,434
male, for over a year with about a

782
00:28:33,434 --> 00:28:35,375
dozen sessions in that time frame.

783
00:28:35,674 --> 00:28:37,835
He's always been pretty behaved and knows my

784
00:28:37,835 --> 00:28:40,335
boundaries except over the weekend it changed.

785
00:28:40,795 --> 00:28:43,115
My rules are don't touch me unless I

786
00:28:43,115 --> 00:28:44,109
say it's okay.

787
00:28:44,410 --> 00:28:46,170
He kept brushing his hands on me and

788
00:28:46,170 --> 00:28:48,330
I eventually had it and used bondage but

789
00:28:48,330 --> 00:28:50,490
it still didn't stop him. Usually at the

790
00:28:50,490 --> 00:28:52,490
end I let him finish and recently he's

791
00:28:52,490 --> 00:28:54,890
been interested in prostate play so I'm training

792
00:28:54,890 --> 00:28:56,890
his body. I made him go into his

793
00:28:56,890 --> 00:28:59,390
usual position and because he can't touch me

794
00:28:59,524 --> 00:29:01,764
he starts leaning so I'm kind of forced

795
00:29:01,764 --> 00:29:02,664
to show affection.

796
00:29:03,284 --> 00:29:04,964
Sex is not on the table. I know

797
00:29:04,964 --> 00:29:07,524
the risks of introducing that. I'm not a

798
00:29:07,524 --> 00:29:09,284
mean dom. I'm trying to keep him from

799
00:29:09,284 --> 00:29:11,605
getting attached and any touch of affection gets

800
00:29:11,605 --> 00:29:12,744
him wired up.

801
00:29:13,130 --> 00:29:15,049
Anyway, he couldn't finish and kept begging that

802
00:29:15,049 --> 00:29:16,730
he wants to give me pleasure. I know

803
00:29:16,730 --> 00:29:18,890
exactly what that means and he wouldn't stop

804
00:29:18,890 --> 00:29:19,390
begging.

805
00:29:19,690 --> 00:29:21,610
None of this has showed up the entire

806
00:29:21,610 --> 00:29:24,090
time we started last year and I've only

807
00:29:24,090 --> 00:29:26,410
let him see my body once months ago

808
00:29:26,410 --> 00:29:28,570
to establish trust. I don't know what happened

809
00:29:28,570 --> 00:29:30,484
since our last session was in September.

810
00:29:30,785 --> 00:29:33,184
He refuses another dom, and when the idea

811
00:29:33,184 --> 00:29:35,984
of having another joined, he stonewalled me for

812
00:29:35,984 --> 00:29:38,065
a week. His career makes it hard to

813
00:29:38,065 --> 00:29:39,605
introduce him to the community.

814
00:29:40,065 --> 00:29:42,029
Is he attached? How do I fix

815
00:29:43,070 --> 00:29:44,210
this? Wow. Yeah.

816
00:29:44,670 --> 00:29:45,730
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

817
00:29:47,630 --> 00:29:50,450
I I honestly don't know what to violating

818
00:29:50,990 --> 00:29:53,470
boundaries. Right. Well, is he no. He is.

819
00:29:53,470 --> 00:29:54,910
Yeah. He is. Is he doing it because

820
00:29:54,910 --> 00:29:57,835
he's attached and clingy and and wants more

821
00:29:57,835 --> 00:29:59,835
from her than she's willing to give? Mhmm.

822
00:29:59,835 --> 00:30:01,274
Somebody in the comments said this is one

823
00:30:01,274 --> 00:30:02,515
of the reasons I chose this one because

824
00:30:02,515 --> 00:30:03,934
I was like, wow. I don't know.

825
00:30:04,634 --> 00:30:06,555
Is he bratting? Does he know the rules,

826
00:30:06,555 --> 00:30:08,714
and is he breaking the rules? And that's

827
00:30:08,714 --> 00:30:11,730
not good bratting. That's not, like, consensual bratting.

828
00:30:11,730 --> 00:30:14,390
Don't recommend. But Mhmm. Is he

829
00:30:15,169 --> 00:30:17,569
flouting the rules in order to get Get

830
00:30:17,569 --> 00:30:18,950
one. Something? Yeah. Yeah.

831
00:30:19,490 --> 00:30:22,049
Yeah. Yeah. And just because I mean, she's

832
00:30:22,049 --> 00:30:23,569
not gonna know unless he tells her, but

833
00:30:23,569 --> 00:30:25,565
the thing I'm curious about is what has

834
00:30:25,565 --> 00:30:26,065
changed

835
00:30:26,365 --> 00:30:28,125
from all these sessions they've done in all

836
00:30:28,125 --> 00:30:30,365
this time where he's followed the rules and

837
00:30:30,365 --> 00:30:33,164
everything's been okay Yeah. And now he's like,

838
00:30:33,164 --> 00:30:35,725
I'm just curious because what is going on?

839
00:30:35,725 --> 00:30:38,144
Right. What caused things to change? And

840
00:30:38,684 --> 00:30:39,424
the only

841
00:30:40,259 --> 00:30:42,420
one who knows Right. Is

842
00:30:43,059 --> 00:30:45,000
Yeah. I mean, the the question becomes,

843
00:30:45,299 --> 00:30:46,440
is it an is

844
00:30:47,539 --> 00:30:48,039
is

845
00:30:49,140 --> 00:30:52,180
the the relationship they've cultivated, is it worth

846
00:30:52,180 --> 00:30:54,285
it to her to go, I'm gonna talk

847
00:30:54,285 --> 00:30:55,744
about it. I'm gonna see what you

848
00:30:56,205 --> 00:30:56,865
you know,

849
00:30:57,244 --> 00:30:58,845
do I wanna keep this or attempt to

850
00:30:58,845 --> 00:31:00,924
keep this? And that's where conversation comes in.

851
00:31:00,924 --> 00:31:03,164
Yeah. I mean, they don't say, but the

852
00:31:03,164 --> 00:31:04,865
the feel I get from,

853
00:31:05,244 --> 00:31:07,325
you know, what, the way all this is

854
00:31:07,325 --> 00:31:07,984
is worded,

855
00:31:08,445 --> 00:31:10,909
it's almost like it's a a professional.

856
00:31:11,210 --> 00:31:12,730
I I got I've assumed it kind of

857
00:31:12,730 --> 00:31:15,210
was. It was a pro situation. Yeah. Something

858
00:31:15,210 --> 00:31:18,009
like that. Yeah. Definitely something more casual and

859
00:31:18,009 --> 00:31:19,929
not meant to be the long term Long

860
00:31:19,929 --> 00:31:21,470
term. Yeah. Kind of, you know,

861
00:31:22,009 --> 00:31:24,204
relationship that way. You know, I I think

862
00:31:24,204 --> 00:31:24,944
in a way,

863
00:31:25,724 --> 00:31:26,704
I can understand

864
00:31:28,605 --> 00:31:29,345
them getting,

865
00:31:30,525 --> 00:31:33,644
you know, even after over over time Absolutely.

866
00:31:33,644 --> 00:31:34,144
Yeah.

867
00:31:35,740 --> 00:31:38,000
Kind of getting that little bit that connection,

868
00:31:38,059 --> 00:31:40,779
that deeper Yes. Connection? That would not surprise

869
00:31:40,779 --> 00:31:42,539
me at all. Mhmm. But what causes them

870
00:31:42,539 --> 00:31:45,179
to do a 180 on respecting the boundaries

871
00:31:45,179 --> 00:31:47,099
and then not respecting them? Right. Right. Well,

872
00:31:47,099 --> 00:31:48,460
we don't get to know that part. That's

873
00:31:48,460 --> 00:31:50,299
not part of the question, but I'd love

874
00:31:50,299 --> 00:31:52,615
to know. Yeah. Yeah. I'd love to be

875
00:31:52,615 --> 00:31:54,234
a fly on the wall for that one.

876
00:31:54,615 --> 00:31:55,775
I mean, I think it comes down to

877
00:31:55,775 --> 00:31:58,714
a few things. Does she feel safe with

878
00:31:58,775 --> 00:32:00,555
him? Mhmm. If not,

879
00:32:01,015 --> 00:32:03,095
done. However that needs to end, that's, like,

880
00:32:03,095 --> 00:32:05,009
the appropriate way. Go for it. Mhmm. If

881
00:32:05,009 --> 00:32:07,970
it's if there's a curiosity to know what

882
00:32:07,970 --> 00:32:10,849
the hell happened here Mhmm. You know, and

883
00:32:10,849 --> 00:32:13,650
or to correct behavior to get back on

884
00:32:13,650 --> 00:32:15,589
track, then, yeah, absolutely have a conversation.

885
00:32:16,450 --> 00:32:19,904
But that, you know, depends on how much

886
00:32:19,904 --> 00:32:21,125
she wants to maintain.

887
00:32:22,065 --> 00:32:24,225
Right. I mean, what what there what there

888
00:32:24,225 --> 00:32:25,045
is. I mean,

889
00:32:26,065 --> 00:32:26,965
you know, yeah.

890
00:32:27,505 --> 00:32:29,505
You know, they they need to sit down

891
00:32:29,505 --> 00:32:30,005
and

892
00:32:30,305 --> 00:32:31,825
she needs to see, you know, what what's

893
00:32:31,825 --> 00:32:33,664
going on. Right. You know, and and need

894
00:32:33,664 --> 00:32:35,205
to have that talk. And,

895
00:32:35,619 --> 00:32:37,619
you know, then at that point, need to

896
00:32:37,619 --> 00:32:38,519
decide, well,

897
00:32:40,099 --> 00:32:41,480
you know, if you can

898
00:32:43,220 --> 00:32:45,740
respect these boundaries in terms of this Right.

899
00:32:45,859 --> 00:32:47,779
This this relationship, you know, we can move

900
00:32:47,779 --> 00:32:49,619
forward. If not, we have to, you know

901
00:32:50,179 --> 00:32:52,805
and I, you know Cut and run. Personally,

902
00:32:53,105 --> 00:32:54,785
I think it comes down to a vibe.

903
00:32:54,785 --> 00:32:58,224
If she's not feeling safe or she's there's

904
00:32:58,224 --> 00:33:00,545
something within her that goes, I don't even

905
00:33:00,545 --> 00:33:02,964
care and or I don't trust him to

906
00:33:03,265 --> 00:33:04,805
come back to maintaining boundaries,

907
00:33:05,130 --> 00:33:06,190
cut your losses, move on.

908
00:33:06,809 --> 00:33:07,710
Yeah. But,

909
00:33:08,250 --> 00:33:10,809
you know, it's that's for me is one

910
00:33:10,809 --> 00:33:14,029
of those times anytime safety is a concern.

911
00:33:14,410 --> 00:33:16,490
I think this, but, you know, it's one

912
00:33:16,490 --> 00:33:18,009
of those times where you don't have to

913
00:33:18,009 --> 00:33:19,914
have a long drawn out conversation. You can

914
00:33:19,914 --> 00:33:22,394
literally go, look, dude. I had, like, 2

915
00:33:22,394 --> 00:33:25,355
fucking roles. Yeah. Right. Not only did you

916
00:33:25,355 --> 00:33:26,975
not respect them, you repeatedly

917
00:33:28,235 --> 00:33:30,154
did it over a session. And, you know,

918
00:33:30,154 --> 00:33:31,755
somebody in the comments was like, maybe it's

919
00:33:31,755 --> 00:33:33,434
bratting, and I and I could see that,

920
00:33:33,434 --> 00:33:35,750
but that Mhmm. To brat,

921
00:33:36,049 --> 00:33:38,070
if that is what they were doing,

922
00:33:38,370 --> 00:33:41,330
without the benefit of a conversation to force

923
00:33:41,490 --> 00:33:43,490
I mean, even the dom to react? Even

924
00:33:43,490 --> 00:33:45,430
even that, you know, because,

925
00:33:45,890 --> 00:33:47,190
you know, bratting

926
00:33:48,414 --> 00:33:49,714
in of itself is

927
00:33:50,414 --> 00:33:51,535
should be a consensual

928
00:33:52,015 --> 00:33:54,095
Absolutely. Absolutely. Both sides need to know what

929
00:33:54,095 --> 00:33:56,015
the fuck's happening. Needs to know what's going

930
00:33:56,015 --> 00:33:59,154
on, and, you know, like anything else,

931
00:33:59,694 --> 00:34:01,375
you know, with bratting, you know, you you

932
00:34:01,375 --> 00:34:03,579
need to know what the limits are. Right.

933
00:34:03,579 --> 00:34:05,919
You know? And and and yada yada yada.

934
00:34:06,139 --> 00:34:06,639
And,

935
00:34:07,099 --> 00:34:08,859
you know, no. Even if that's the case,

936
00:34:08,859 --> 00:34:11,099
none of that was was established. The only

937
00:34:11,099 --> 00:34:12,800
thing I did not see in here

938
00:34:13,420 --> 00:34:15,420
and may I mean, my brain is fuzzy,

939
00:34:15,420 --> 00:34:17,264
so maybe it was in here, I somehow

940
00:34:17,264 --> 00:34:19,364
missed it. Was in the session,

941
00:34:20,065 --> 00:34:21,924
in my mind, she should have been like,

942
00:34:22,065 --> 00:34:23,824
instead of just using bondage to get his

943
00:34:23,824 --> 00:34:26,085
hands away, using position, it's just gone, no.

944
00:34:26,144 --> 00:34:28,545
Right. No. Right. We're not doing this. This

945
00:34:28,545 --> 00:34:30,385
is not okay. And that would be my

946
00:34:30,385 --> 00:34:31,800
question of why didn't

947
00:34:32,280 --> 00:34:33,719
not to, like, blame a victim. I don't

948
00:34:33,719 --> 00:34:35,239
want it to come across that way, but

949
00:34:35,239 --> 00:34:38,760
for future reference, why why? Like, what stopped

950
00:34:38,920 --> 00:34:41,179
what held her back from just saying no?

951
00:34:41,640 --> 00:34:44,360
Was it a safety and fear situation? That

952
00:34:44,360 --> 00:34:47,094
tells me everything. Then this is done. If

953
00:34:47,094 --> 00:34:48,934
you didn't if you didn't even feel safe

954
00:34:49,014 --> 00:34:51,094
Yeah. If if someone doesn't feel safe, that

955
00:34:51,255 --> 00:34:53,275
definitely, that needs to But if it didn't

956
00:34:53,414 --> 00:34:53,914
come

957
00:34:54,375 --> 00:34:56,214
come to their mind that they could or

958
00:34:56,214 --> 00:34:58,295
should, then I'm like, okay. What happened there?

959
00:34:58,295 --> 00:34:59,690
What was going on in your head Yeah.

960
00:34:59,849 --> 00:35:02,730
About just not telling them stop that. Back

961
00:35:02,730 --> 00:35:05,289
off. Yeah. Do not touch. Whatever. Whatever. And

962
00:35:05,289 --> 00:35:05,950
and again,

963
00:35:06,329 --> 00:35:06,990
you know,

964
00:35:07,769 --> 00:35:09,530
don't know for sure if this is like

965
00:35:09,530 --> 00:35:11,930
a a pro dumb situation. It it sounds

966
00:35:11,930 --> 00:35:13,369
like it. Yeah. That's how I read it.

967
00:35:13,610 --> 00:35:14,670
You know, my

968
00:35:16,545 --> 00:35:18,965
understanding, and I I honestly don't know

969
00:35:19,664 --> 00:35:20,724
for a fact, but,

970
00:35:21,744 --> 00:35:22,244
from,

971
00:35:22,704 --> 00:35:25,204
you know, seeing things online different,

972
00:35:25,664 --> 00:35:26,644
most of these

973
00:35:28,065 --> 00:35:28,565
prods,

974
00:35:29,119 --> 00:35:31,519
they usually have or, you know, when they

975
00:35:31,519 --> 00:35:32,019
do

976
00:35:32,960 --> 00:35:33,780
with a client,

977
00:35:34,160 --> 00:35:36,320
they have other people around. Right. So that

978
00:35:36,320 --> 00:35:37,679
if there's a safety concern You know, so

979
00:35:37,679 --> 00:35:39,300
if there there's something that happens,

980
00:35:39,599 --> 00:35:41,380
you know, they're they're kind of covered,

981
00:35:42,425 --> 00:35:44,025
You know? And and again, we don't know

982
00:35:44,025 --> 00:35:45,704
if that's the case. It sounds like it

983
00:35:45,704 --> 00:35:47,945
to a certain extent, but, you know But

984
00:35:47,945 --> 00:35:49,864
even if it wasn't, the the thing I

985
00:35:49,864 --> 00:35:51,644
would tell her is, okay, in the future,

986
00:35:52,505 --> 00:35:53,804
no. Just say no.

987
00:35:54,585 --> 00:35:56,940
And quite frankly, the reaction to being told

988
00:35:56,940 --> 00:35:57,440
no

989
00:35:57,900 --> 00:35:59,340
will tell you a lot. That's all you

990
00:35:59,340 --> 00:36:00,960
need to know right there. Yeah. Yeah.

991
00:36:01,579 --> 00:36:02,719
So yeah. Okay.

992
00:36:03,260 --> 00:36:04,719
Next one. Mhmm.

993
00:36:06,059 --> 00:36:08,480
Oh, this one. This one.

994
00:36:09,184 --> 00:36:10,405
Oh, okay.

995
00:36:11,425 --> 00:36:13,985
Partner doesn't want to tell me what she

996
00:36:13,985 --> 00:36:16,565
likes. She wants me to figure it out.

997
00:36:17,184 --> 00:36:20,065
Few months ago, I, 35 male, started dating

998
00:36:20,065 --> 00:36:21,525
someone, 28 female,

999
00:36:21,985 --> 00:36:24,609
who has introduced me to BDSM sex for

1000
00:36:24,609 --> 00:36:26,449
the first time. I had no idea I

1001
00:36:26,449 --> 00:36:28,929
would enjoy BDSM elements until now. Now I

1002
00:36:28,929 --> 00:36:32,050
get it. She is also somewhat inexperienced as

1003
00:36:32,050 --> 00:36:33,889
she hasn't had a partner that would indulge

1004
00:36:33,889 --> 00:36:35,889
her in what she wants. From what little

1005
00:36:35,889 --> 00:36:37,730
I do know about BDSM, I know that

1006
00:36:37,730 --> 00:36:40,284
communication is extremely important for many reasons.

1007
00:36:40,744 --> 00:36:43,545
However, she is extremely resistant to talking about

1008
00:36:43,545 --> 00:36:44,764
it matter of factly.

1009
00:36:45,144 --> 00:36:47,545
She is always extremely vague to my questions

1010
00:36:47,545 --> 00:36:49,224
and tells me to just do what I

1011
00:36:49,224 --> 00:36:49,724
want.

1012
00:36:50,184 --> 00:36:52,184
However, I don't just want to do what

1013
00:36:52,184 --> 00:36:54,260
I want. I want to satisfy her as

1014
00:36:54,260 --> 00:36:56,340
well, and more importantly, I don't wanna do

1015
00:36:56,340 --> 00:36:58,119
something she doesn't actually want.

1016
00:36:58,500 --> 00:36:59,940
She told me there's nothing I could do

1017
00:36:59,940 --> 00:37:02,340
that's totally off limits, but also said she

1018
00:37:02,340 --> 00:37:03,880
would tell me if I did.

1019
00:37:04,340 --> 00:37:06,739
I also had to insist very persistently to

1020
00:37:06,739 --> 00:37:08,675
get her to choose a safe word, but

1021
00:37:08,675 --> 00:37:10,594
she always avoids talking about it and says

1022
00:37:10,594 --> 00:37:12,275
she just wants me to use her for

1023
00:37:12,275 --> 00:37:13,414
whatever I want.

1024
00:37:13,954 --> 00:37:15,474
All I can gather so far is that

1025
00:37:15,474 --> 00:37:16,434
she enjoys playing,

1026
00:37:16,835 --> 00:37:19,554
like sex toy servant, mild degradation, and is

1027
00:37:19,554 --> 00:37:20,534
quite the brat.

1028
00:37:20,914 --> 00:37:21,734
I'm extremely

1029
00:37:22,130 --> 00:37:24,210
confused because not only am I new, I

1030
00:37:24,210 --> 00:37:25,730
don't know if I'm supposed to be a

1031
00:37:25,730 --> 00:37:27,910
dom all the time or only in sessions,

1032
00:37:28,210 --> 00:37:29,730
and I don't know more than a couple

1033
00:37:29,730 --> 00:37:31,989
of specific things that really gets her off.

1034
00:37:32,210 --> 00:37:34,545
Seems like she's shy about talking about it

1035
00:37:34,545 --> 00:37:36,464
or really has a kink where she really

1036
00:37:36,464 --> 00:37:37,984
does just want me to have my way

1037
00:37:37,984 --> 00:37:39,824
with her and do what I want as

1038
00:37:39,824 --> 00:37:42,565
if giving me hints beforehand would ruin it.

1039
00:37:42,625 --> 00:37:44,065
I wonder if she thinks that I have

1040
00:37:44,065 --> 00:37:46,385
to ask or need guidance, then that if

1041
00:37:46,385 --> 00:37:47,820
I have to ask or need guidance, then

1042
00:37:47,820 --> 00:37:49,039
I'm not really dominating.

1043
00:37:49,500 --> 00:37:51,180
Should I refuse to keep playing until we

1044
00:37:51,180 --> 00:37:53,340
have a more in-depth discussion? How should I

1045
00:37:53,340 --> 00:37:54,239
handle this?

1046
00:37:54,539 --> 00:37:56,700
Yes. You should refuse to play it. Yep.

1047
00:37:56,700 --> 00:37:57,200
Yep.

1048
00:37:57,660 --> 00:37:58,380
Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep.

1049
00:37:59,420 --> 00:38:00,079
You know,

1050
00:38:00,744 --> 00:38:02,045
no. Oh my yum.

1051
00:38:02,824 --> 00:38:04,045
That sounds like somebody

1052
00:38:04,425 --> 00:38:07,324
who has only read, seen, heard fantasies

1053
00:38:07,625 --> 00:38:09,704
Yeah. And wants to indulge the fantasy, but

1054
00:38:09,704 --> 00:38:12,264
does not have an understanding of Right. All

1055
00:38:12,264 --> 00:38:14,789
the work that goes into actually trying to

1056
00:38:14,789 --> 00:38:17,050
have the fantasy. You know, there there unfortunately,

1057
00:38:17,190 --> 00:38:18,970
too, there there is a mindset,

1058
00:38:19,670 --> 00:38:21,510
you know, and and it doesn't matter if

1059
00:38:21,510 --> 00:38:23,670
it if it's in kink world or or

1060
00:38:23,670 --> 00:38:25,510
non kink world. But, you know, there there

1061
00:38:25,510 --> 00:38:26,570
are a lot of people

1062
00:38:26,869 --> 00:38:28,264
in that have mindset.

1063
00:38:28,964 --> 00:38:31,204
Well, they should know what I want. Oh,

1064
00:38:31,204 --> 00:38:33,444
I know. I see that. Yeah. I Instagrammed

1065
00:38:33,444 --> 00:38:34,724
too close to the sun, and one of

1066
00:38:34,724 --> 00:38:37,125
my reels popped off, and it's the you

1067
00:38:37,125 --> 00:38:38,184
know, about communication.

1068
00:38:38,484 --> 00:38:40,484
It's so many people are like, but I

1069
00:38:40,484 --> 00:38:42,269
don't wanna have to tell you. Yeah. Well,

1070
00:38:42,269 --> 00:38:44,110
bitch, how you're gonna get what you want?

1071
00:38:44,110 --> 00:38:44,610
Right.

1072
00:38:45,070 --> 00:38:46,690
You gotta say something. Mhmm.

1073
00:38:46,989 --> 00:38:48,989
You know, none of us I don't I

1074
00:38:48,989 --> 00:38:50,429
don't give a shit who you are. None

1075
00:38:50,429 --> 00:38:52,610
of us are psychic. No. Alright?

1076
00:38:53,070 --> 00:38:54,269
I'm not gonna know what the hell is

1077
00:38:54,269 --> 00:38:55,949
going on in your head unless I ask

1078
00:38:55,949 --> 00:38:58,655
you. Right. Okay? So, you know, yeah. The

1079
00:38:58,735 --> 00:39:01,074
he they definitely need to cut off play.

1080
00:39:01,454 --> 00:39:01,954
Absolutely.

1081
00:39:02,494 --> 00:39:04,735
And and, you know, the the whole figuring

1082
00:39:04,735 --> 00:39:07,934
shit out, no. No. That's a landmine for

1083
00:39:07,934 --> 00:39:10,500
both. Right. Because he could stumble into something

1084
00:39:10,500 --> 00:39:13,059
that is traumatizing or just causes a pain

1085
00:39:13,059 --> 00:39:14,440
she doesn't like or something.

1086
00:39:15,300 --> 00:39:17,460
Or he could stumble into his own shit

1087
00:39:17,460 --> 00:39:19,219
and be like, oh my god. This is

1088
00:39:19,219 --> 00:39:21,219
horrifying. Yeah. You know? I didn't mean to

1089
00:39:21,219 --> 00:39:23,164
do this to another human being. I mean,

1090
00:39:23,164 --> 00:39:24,545
they they need to sit

1091
00:39:24,844 --> 00:39:25,344
down,

1092
00:39:25,644 --> 00:39:27,405
have a talk, do a checklist at the

1093
00:39:27,405 --> 00:39:28,844
very least. And so you can make a

1094
00:39:28,844 --> 00:39:30,925
checklist sexy of her. Yeah. The thing is

1095
00:39:30,925 --> 00:39:32,525
it doesn't feel sexy, and I've heard that

1096
00:39:32,525 --> 00:39:34,684
before. It doesn't feel sexy. Or if I

1097
00:39:34,684 --> 00:39:36,059
have to, oh, god. If I have to

1098
00:39:36,059 --> 00:39:38,059
tell you what I want, then I'm only

1099
00:39:38,059 --> 00:39:39,820
getting it because I told you I want

1100
00:39:39,820 --> 00:39:42,140
it. Yes. That is how Yeah. Things work.

1101
00:39:42,140 --> 00:39:43,579
That's how things kinda work. That's how life

1102
00:39:43,579 --> 00:39:46,220
generally works. Yeah. But that whole idea, it's

1103
00:39:46,300 --> 00:39:48,220
you're not dominant if I have to tell

1104
00:39:48,220 --> 00:39:49,840
you, oh, god.

1105
00:39:50,300 --> 00:39:50,775
Oh, the

1106
00:39:51,335 --> 00:39:53,734
oh, the toxic thinking about how to not

1107
00:39:53,734 --> 00:39:55,734
communicate in relationships. And it is. That that

1108
00:39:55,734 --> 00:39:57,514
can be very toxic

1109
00:39:59,094 --> 00:40:01,574
thinking. You know, in in in any aspect

1110
00:40:01,574 --> 00:40:02,234
of life,

1111
00:40:02,694 --> 00:40:04,820
be, you you know, it it's it's not

1112
00:40:04,820 --> 00:40:05,320
good.

1113
00:40:06,099 --> 00:40:08,980
So it's not. So the whole I don't

1114
00:40:08,980 --> 00:40:10,420
wanna have to tell you, I just want

1115
00:40:10,420 --> 00:40:11,460
you to figure it out or I just

1116
00:40:11,460 --> 00:40:12,519
want you to know or

1117
00:40:12,900 --> 00:40:14,340
makes me think of that idea of if

1118
00:40:14,340 --> 00:40:15,539
I have to tell you and you do

1119
00:40:15,539 --> 00:40:17,219
it because I want it, then you didn't

1120
00:40:17,219 --> 00:40:19,364
do it because you wanted it. Yeah.

1121
00:40:19,664 --> 00:40:21,985
Makes me think of the side of the

1122
00:40:21,985 --> 00:40:24,385
the algorithm I tend to find myself on,

1123
00:40:24,385 --> 00:40:24,885
the

1124
00:40:25,344 --> 00:40:26,724
mental health therapy

1125
00:40:27,664 --> 00:40:28,164
algorithm

1126
00:40:28,945 --> 00:40:31,025
that will do the thing kind of have

1127
00:40:31,025 --> 00:40:33,179
those conversations about, well, I'd. If I have

1128
00:40:33,179 --> 00:40:34,559
to tell you I want

1129
00:40:35,339 --> 00:40:37,099
you to give me flowers and you give

1130
00:40:37,099 --> 00:40:39,119
me flowers, then it's not meaningful

1131
00:40:39,659 --> 00:40:42,219
because you only gave me flowers as the

1132
00:40:42,219 --> 00:40:43,739
example because I told you to. And the

1133
00:40:43,739 --> 00:40:45,579
other person goes, yeah, yeah. You told me

1134
00:40:45,579 --> 00:40:47,925
there's a thing you want and I care

1135
00:40:47,925 --> 00:40:50,485
about you so much that even though it's

1136
00:40:50,485 --> 00:40:52,324
not a thing I thought of myself, I

1137
00:40:52,324 --> 00:40:54,824
want to give you what you want because

1138
00:40:55,045 --> 00:40:57,465
you being happy makes me happy.

1139
00:40:58,085 --> 00:41:00,420
The same fucking principle applies.

1140
00:41:00,980 --> 00:41:01,480
Tell

1141
00:41:02,420 --> 00:41:04,900
BDSM has the added layers of, like, inherent

1142
00:41:04,900 --> 00:41:07,460
harm and risk and trauma, but it's like,

1143
00:41:07,460 --> 00:41:09,380
if you tell me what you want Yeah.

1144
00:41:09,539 --> 00:41:11,639
And I give you what you want,

1145
00:41:12,339 --> 00:41:14,579
I'm doing it because giving you what you

1146
00:41:14,579 --> 00:41:17,244
want makes me happy because you're happy and

1147
00:41:17,244 --> 00:41:18,684
so I'm happy. Now there's a lot of

1148
00:41:18,684 --> 00:41:20,925
other reasons. I mean, come on now. But

1149
00:41:20,925 --> 00:41:21,425
it's

1150
00:41:23,164 --> 00:41:25,405
and you know what? You know what? In

1151
00:41:25,405 --> 00:41:27,744
my vanilla marriage and all my vanilla relationships,

1152
00:41:28,079 --> 00:41:30,800
I absolutely had those kinds of thoughts. But

1153
00:41:30,800 --> 00:41:33,460
part of that, this is the toxic relationship

1154
00:41:33,599 --> 00:41:34,099
stuff,

1155
00:41:34,800 --> 00:41:37,619
wasn't because, you know, it it was because

1156
00:41:37,680 --> 00:41:40,640
in other ways I was not feeling seen,

1157
00:41:40,640 --> 00:41:43,555
heard, or cared for by that partner. Mhmm.

1158
00:41:43,695 --> 00:41:45,295
And so I thought if I had to

1159
00:41:45,295 --> 00:41:46,815
tell you what I wanted because he was

1160
00:41:46,815 --> 00:41:48,994
never paying enough fucking attention anyway,

1161
00:41:49,454 --> 00:41:52,095
then it had less meaning. I've now learned

1162
00:41:52,095 --> 00:41:53,635
when you're in a grown up

1163
00:41:53,934 --> 00:41:57,089
relationship, when everybody's acting like fucking adults and

1164
00:41:57,089 --> 00:41:58,230
using their words,

1165
00:41:58,929 --> 00:42:00,449
that feeling is not there at all. I

1166
00:42:00,449 --> 00:42:02,369
want to tell you because the the joy

1167
00:42:02,369 --> 00:42:04,289
is you were gonna give me what I

1168
00:42:04,289 --> 00:42:06,529
want. Yeah. It being kinky means you're gonna

1169
00:42:06,529 --> 00:42:07,889
give it to me the way you wanna

1170
00:42:07,889 --> 00:42:09,569
give it to me, but I'm still gonna

1171
00:42:09,569 --> 00:42:10,549
have a good time.

1172
00:42:12,264 --> 00:42:14,525
But also the other thing that this kind

1173
00:42:14,905 --> 00:42:16,585
of attitude of I want you just to

1174
00:42:16,585 --> 00:42:18,264
figure it out or there's nothing you could

1175
00:42:18,264 --> 00:42:20,344
do that would be you know, that tells

1176
00:42:20,344 --> 00:42:22,025
me you only know about, like, 4 or

1177
00:42:22,025 --> 00:42:24,125
5 moves. You can only conceive

1178
00:42:24,425 --> 00:42:26,344
of 3 or 4 things that can happen

1179
00:42:26,344 --> 00:42:27,650
in kink because

1180
00:42:28,030 --> 00:42:31,069
you don't know yet enough to know how

1181
00:42:31,069 --> 00:42:31,569
broad

1182
00:42:32,030 --> 00:42:34,989
the umbrella of kink really is. We've talked

1183
00:42:34,989 --> 00:42:36,670
about this before. I think it was on

1184
00:42:36,670 --> 00:42:38,589
the Friday night munch. It's like, yeah, it

1185
00:42:38,589 --> 00:42:40,545
can go from a light slap on the

1186
00:42:40,545 --> 00:42:41,045
ass

1187
00:42:41,344 --> 00:42:42,885
to needles, y'all.

1188
00:42:43,184 --> 00:42:43,684
So

1189
00:42:44,944 --> 00:42:45,684
and and

1190
00:42:46,304 --> 00:42:48,405
even those needles don't have to be extreme

1191
00:42:48,545 --> 00:42:50,224
in general, but some of us would consider

1192
00:42:50,224 --> 00:42:51,105
that extreme because

1193
00:42:51,664 --> 00:42:53,829
you see, it's a spectrum of shit that

1194
00:42:53,829 --> 00:42:56,070
can happen. And this person can only conceive

1195
00:42:56,070 --> 00:42:56,730
of whatever

1196
00:42:57,590 --> 00:42:59,530
has come up. You know, hold me down,

1197
00:42:59,590 --> 00:43:00,090
handcuffs,

1198
00:43:00,550 --> 00:43:02,309
spank my ass. And those things are fun

1199
00:43:02,309 --> 00:43:03,369
and great. Mhmm.

1200
00:43:03,670 --> 00:43:06,144
But there could be other things that he

1201
00:43:06,144 --> 00:43:08,065
can think of, because now he's learning about

1202
00:43:08,065 --> 00:43:09,585
BDSM. And he's like, well, I'm trying to

1203
00:43:09,585 --> 00:43:12,144
do my homework here. Mhmm. Hey. I could,

1204
00:43:12,144 --> 00:43:14,224
you know, make you choke on my cock

1205
00:43:14,224 --> 00:43:15,445
until you vomit.

1206
00:43:15,825 --> 00:43:17,265
Like, I wanna choke on a cock. I

1207
00:43:17,265 --> 00:43:19,920
don't wanna vomit. My my limit is I'm

1208
00:43:19,920 --> 00:43:21,539
stopping right before I vomit.

1209
00:43:21,920 --> 00:43:24,719
Yeah. If he just figures it out, she's

1210
00:43:24,719 --> 00:43:26,960
gonna be vomiting on his cock and then

1211
00:43:26,960 --> 00:43:29,039
going, okay. Not only am I traumatized, I

1212
00:43:29,039 --> 00:43:30,880
don't wanna do that shit ever again. Like,

1213
00:43:30,880 --> 00:43:33,199
what? What? What? I know. I know. I

1214
00:43:33,199 --> 00:43:34,019
know. What?

1215
00:43:34,425 --> 00:43:36,445
I know. And the thing is is if

1216
00:43:36,985 --> 00:43:39,385
I sympathize with people who find it difficult

1217
00:43:39,385 --> 00:43:41,144
to say the words because when we talk

1218
00:43:41,144 --> 00:43:42,765
about communication, we talk about

1219
00:43:43,385 --> 00:43:43,885
verbalizing,

1220
00:43:44,425 --> 00:43:46,744
looking your partner dead in the face and

1221
00:43:46,744 --> 00:43:48,844
telling them the thing. That is not

1222
00:43:49,465 --> 00:43:50,010
is not

1223
00:43:50,809 --> 00:43:53,130
the only way to communicate what you what

1224
00:43:53,130 --> 00:43:55,130
you want or don't want. No. Write it

1225
00:43:55,130 --> 00:43:56,590
down. Voice or message

1226
00:43:57,690 --> 00:44:01,050
something. Email, like, something. Now, I I will

1227
00:44:01,050 --> 00:44:03,210
say Got myself hot. Sorry. There there there

1228
00:44:03,210 --> 00:44:04,570
is a bit of a red flag in

1229
00:44:04,570 --> 00:44:06,855
all this. Okay. Because he had to drag

1230
00:44:06,855 --> 00:44:08,535
a a safe word. Yeah. That's a little

1231
00:44:08,535 --> 00:44:10,614
scary. You know, that that's scary when when

1232
00:44:10,614 --> 00:44:12,474
someone just can't, you know, give you

1233
00:44:12,775 --> 00:44:13,675
a safe word.

1234
00:44:14,375 --> 00:44:16,295
Alright? Or doesn't want to. Like, he really

1235
00:44:16,295 --> 00:44:17,574
doesn't want to. You know, I mean, that

1236
00:44:17,574 --> 00:44:20,074
that's right up there with, you know, well,

1237
00:44:20,650 --> 00:44:22,650
I don't play with a safe word. Fuck.

1238
00:44:22,650 --> 00:44:24,510
You know? Yeah. So

1239
00:44:24,809 --> 00:44:26,989
I it it's the same thing, but in

1240
00:44:27,130 --> 00:44:29,449
reverse, so to speak. Yeah. Because But yeah.

1241
00:44:29,449 --> 00:44:30,510
You know, to me

1242
00:44:30,809 --> 00:44:32,894
that that is a red flag right there.

1243
00:44:32,974 --> 00:44:34,335
Well, and it's because it's one of those

1244
00:44:34,335 --> 00:44:35,074
things again,

1245
00:44:35,614 --> 00:44:38,094
you can't that person cannot conceive of how

1246
00:44:38,094 --> 00:44:41,295
wrong it could go and also is doesn't

1247
00:44:41,295 --> 00:44:42,835
know enough yet to know

1248
00:44:43,295 --> 00:44:44,914
that their inability

1249
00:44:45,454 --> 00:44:48,610
to tell their dom or top that it's

1250
00:44:48,610 --> 00:44:49,510
gone too far

1251
00:44:50,050 --> 00:44:52,289
can fuck with their dom or top and

1252
00:44:52,289 --> 00:44:54,369
make that person never wanna fucking do that

1253
00:44:54,369 --> 00:44:57,190
again either. Like, trauma can go both ways.

1254
00:44:57,329 --> 00:44:57,829
Mhmm.

1255
00:44:58,210 --> 00:45:00,364
I've gotten myself all hot and bothered. Yeah.

1256
00:45:02,425 --> 00:45:04,985
The other thing for anybody who would relate

1257
00:45:04,985 --> 00:45:07,704
to to the girlfriend going, I don't wanna

1258
00:45:07,704 --> 00:45:08,605
have to say it.

1259
00:45:09,144 --> 00:45:10,585
I think part of it is the not

1260
00:45:10,585 --> 00:45:12,184
knowing what you want, and that makes me

1261
00:45:12,184 --> 00:45:15,030
think of our number one book recommendation of

1262
00:45:15,030 --> 00:45:16,090
all fucking time,

1263
00:45:16,470 --> 00:45:19,030
Tongue Tied by Stella Harris. Because there's an

1264
00:45:19,030 --> 00:45:21,110
entire I think it's one, maybe more than

1265
00:45:21,110 --> 00:45:22,250
one chapter on

1266
00:45:22,869 --> 00:45:25,125
the idea of before you can communicate what

1267
00:45:25,125 --> 00:45:27,045
you want with your partner, you gotta fucking

1268
00:45:27,045 --> 00:45:28,425
figure out what you want.

1269
00:45:28,965 --> 00:45:32,005
And the author goes through different ways to

1270
00:45:32,005 --> 00:45:35,284
do that. Mhmm. But that's also work and

1271
00:45:35,284 --> 00:45:36,105
effort. And

1272
00:45:36,724 --> 00:45:38,485
I'm not I'm not gonna shit on somebody

1273
00:45:38,485 --> 00:45:39,764
who's like, I really don't wanna put the

1274
00:45:39,764 --> 00:45:42,619
effort in because, look, plenty of points in

1275
00:45:42,619 --> 00:45:43,820
my life where I'm like, I just don't

1276
00:45:43,820 --> 00:45:45,119
wanna put the effort in.

1277
00:45:46,780 --> 00:45:49,039
I like I I get that, but you

1278
00:45:49,420 --> 00:45:51,260
I love that this person is like, I'm

1279
00:45:51,260 --> 00:45:52,880
not doing this without

1280
00:45:53,180 --> 00:45:55,099
knowing what the limits are and the boundaries

1281
00:45:55,099 --> 00:45:55,784
are. That's

1282
00:45:56,264 --> 00:45:58,764
chef's kiss. Love it. The other thing is,

1283
00:45:59,784 --> 00:46:02,505
it sounds like maybe, and I I kinda

1284
00:46:02,585 --> 00:46:04,905
I hesitate to even say it because does

1285
00:46:04,905 --> 00:46:06,924
this person even know what this is?

1286
00:46:07,304 --> 00:46:09,929
They might want free use, but they have

1287
00:46:09,929 --> 00:46:11,530
the fantasy in their head that they just

1288
00:46:11,530 --> 00:46:14,090
go, do what you want. And that's the

1289
00:46:14,090 --> 00:46:16,170
end of it. You can do free use.

1290
00:46:16,170 --> 00:46:17,869
You can do consensual non consent.

1291
00:46:18,489 --> 00:46:19,789
All of those things

1292
00:46:20,969 --> 00:46:21,469
happen

1293
00:46:22,090 --> 00:46:22,590
after

1294
00:46:23,210 --> 00:46:25,424
you learn each other, you trust, you communicate.

1295
00:46:26,364 --> 00:46:28,144
A whole lot. A whole lot of negotiation.

1296
00:46:28,444 --> 00:46:30,065
Much communication and negotiation.

1297
00:46:30,525 --> 00:46:32,605
And that, again, that goes back to people

1298
00:46:32,605 --> 00:46:33,984
are thinking of the fantasy,

1299
00:46:34,525 --> 00:46:37,085
and they have no idea about all the

1300
00:46:37,085 --> 00:46:39,239
work that goes in into it. To get

1301
00:46:39,239 --> 00:46:40,139
to that fantasy.

1302
00:46:40,440 --> 00:46:42,440
And how good it can be doing small

1303
00:46:42,440 --> 00:46:44,760
little things that you actively have said, yes,

1304
00:46:44,760 --> 00:46:46,199
I would like to do that. Yeah. Yes.

1305
00:46:46,199 --> 00:46:47,980
That excites me and intrigues me. Me?

1306
00:46:50,679 --> 00:46:52,840
Yeah. I made myself hot and sweaty on

1307
00:46:52,840 --> 00:46:55,045
this one. You did. You did. That got

1308
00:46:55,045 --> 00:46:56,885
that got the blood pressure up a little

1309
00:46:56,885 --> 00:46:58,184
bit, I think, on you.

1310
00:47:00,885 --> 00:47:01,385
Okay.

1311
00:47:02,644 --> 00:47:03,704
Okay. Last

1312
00:47:04,005 --> 00:47:05,065
one. Okay.

1313
00:47:06,359 --> 00:47:07,260
Does BDSM

1314
00:47:07,639 --> 00:47:08,699
provide structure?

1315
00:47:09,559 --> 00:47:10,440
Title is,

1316
00:47:11,239 --> 00:47:13,339
innocent sounding. Let's get into this though.

1317
00:47:13,719 --> 00:47:16,139
As the title suggests, does getting into BDSM

1318
00:47:16,199 --> 00:47:19,114
provide structure to one's life? Reason behind this

1319
00:47:19,114 --> 00:47:20,795
is due to a worry of mine, but

1320
00:47:20,795 --> 00:47:22,815
I'm trying to be supportive of my partner's

1321
00:47:22,875 --> 00:47:23,375
choice.

1322
00:47:23,914 --> 00:47:25,675
The worry is that they wanna get into

1323
00:47:25,675 --> 00:47:27,855
BDSM to provide structure in their life,

1324
00:47:28,315 --> 00:47:31,034
specifically kinks that involve impact that will break

1325
00:47:31,034 --> 00:47:32,335
you down on a mental

1326
00:47:32,714 --> 00:47:33,214
level.

1327
00:47:33,599 --> 00:47:35,599
They want Adam to just break them and

1328
00:47:35,599 --> 00:47:37,200
put them back together as a way to

1329
00:47:37,200 --> 00:47:39,460
overcome personal issues in their life.

1330
00:47:40,239 --> 00:47:41,119
I won't go

1331
00:47:41,680 --> 00:47:42,500
oh, hold on.

1332
00:47:43,039 --> 00:47:44,400
The there was a typo, and now I'm

1333
00:47:44,400 --> 00:47:45,860
trying to decipher what they said.

1334
00:47:48,215 --> 00:47:49,414
I don't know what they're trying to say,

1335
00:47:49,414 --> 00:47:51,655
but the question is, is this really a

1336
00:47:51,655 --> 00:47:53,974
healthy way or better yet a good reason

1337
00:47:53,974 --> 00:47:55,035
to get into BDSM?

1338
00:47:55,414 --> 00:47:57,335
I want to be supportive in this endeavor,

1339
00:47:57,335 --> 00:47:59,175
but I just have my doubts if this

1340
00:47:59,175 --> 00:48:00,860
is right or not. So I'm asking from

1341
00:48:00,860 --> 00:48:02,699
those who are more knowledgeable to give me

1342
00:48:02,699 --> 00:48:05,840
their thoughts on the matter. So I want

1343
00:48:06,219 --> 00:48:07,820
the fantasy because you don't know what it

1344
00:48:07,820 --> 00:48:10,380
actually entails. Yeah. The b the dom to

1345
00:48:10,380 --> 00:48:13,025
break me down, break me, however you wanna

1346
00:48:13,025 --> 00:48:15,364
say it, to then build me back up

1347
00:48:15,664 --> 00:48:18,224
to manage the stuff that I'm going through.

1348
00:48:18,224 --> 00:48:20,625
And and that and that that's scary. You

1349
00:48:20,625 --> 00:48:21,684
know? I I

1350
00:48:21,985 --> 00:48:24,965
I Kink is therapeutic. It is not therapy.

1351
00:48:25,344 --> 00:48:26,309
Yes. Thank you.

1352
00:48:26,869 --> 00:48:30,070
Exactly. And and it sounds that, like, what

1353
00:48:30,070 --> 00:48:33,269
this person may need Right. Is is some

1354
00:48:33,269 --> 00:48:33,769
therapy,

1355
00:48:35,190 --> 00:48:36,789
you know, and not to do it through

1356
00:48:36,789 --> 00:48:37,289
BDSM.

1357
00:48:37,750 --> 00:48:39,190
No. Like, to be

1358
00:48:39,989 --> 00:48:40,969
and this means

1359
00:48:41,269 --> 00:48:41,769
something

1360
00:48:42,444 --> 00:48:45,085
individual to anybody who could conceive it. Mhmm.

1361
00:48:45,085 --> 00:48:47,324
To be broken down or broken by your

1362
00:48:47,324 --> 00:48:47,824
dom

1363
00:48:48,125 --> 00:48:51,324
can can be cathartic in ways. Mhmm. Not

1364
00:48:51,324 --> 00:48:53,964
necessarily. There's no universal experience people have by

1365
00:48:53,964 --> 00:48:54,464
that.

1366
00:48:55,804 --> 00:48:57,079
That catharsis

1367
00:48:57,619 --> 00:48:58,920
can help you

1368
00:48:59,220 --> 00:49:00,820
get some emotion out that you were dealing

1369
00:49:00,820 --> 00:49:03,380
with, can help clear your mind, can leave

1370
00:49:03,380 --> 00:49:06,180
you so exhausted and boneless you don't can't

1371
00:49:06,180 --> 00:49:08,180
think of the things going on. Yes. Yes.

1372
00:49:08,180 --> 00:49:09,559
Yes to all of that,

1373
00:49:10,135 --> 00:49:12,315
But that is no replacement for,

1374
00:49:13,175 --> 00:49:15,994
in the whatever ways are accessible to you,

1375
00:49:16,055 --> 00:49:17,894
dealing with the things that are making you

1376
00:49:17,894 --> 00:49:20,775
feel that way in the first place. I

1377
00:49:20,775 --> 00:49:21,835
I mean, you know,

1378
00:49:22,215 --> 00:49:23,355
the the whole thing,

1379
00:49:23,655 --> 00:49:24,155
does

1380
00:49:24,750 --> 00:49:25,969
BDSM provide

1381
00:49:26,269 --> 00:49:26,769
structure?

1382
00:49:27,869 --> 00:49:29,789
To a certain extent, yes, it does. Right.

1383
00:49:29,789 --> 00:49:31,309
When I saw the question, I was like,

1384
00:49:31,309 --> 00:49:32,750
well, yes. And I thought we were gonna

1385
00:49:32,750 --> 00:49:33,644
talk about power exchange and the structure of

1386
00:49:33,648 --> 00:49:33,677
Right. Exactly. That's that's not where we went.

1387
00:49:33,677 --> 00:49:33,706
It it it does. It it absolutely does,

1388
00:49:33,706 --> 00:49:34,289
you know, in

1389
00:49:39,905 --> 00:49:41,025
in a power in a power exchange sense,

1390
00:49:41,025 --> 00:49:42,298
absolutely. You know, but what what they're talking

1391
00:49:42,298 --> 00:49:43,184
about, I, you know, in a in a

1392
00:49:43,184 --> 00:49:43,684
sense,

1393
00:49:44,144 --> 00:49:44,724
there was

1394
00:49:47,025 --> 00:49:47,844
a time

1395
00:49:55,309 --> 00:49:57,949
could almost say that, you know, there were

1396
00:49:57,949 --> 00:50:00,590
times when I broke you. Sure. You know,

1397
00:50:00,590 --> 00:50:02,109
because you you you would come to me

1398
00:50:02,109 --> 00:50:03,710
and, you know, I I I need to

1399
00:50:03,710 --> 00:50:04,989
I need to cry. I need to let

1400
00:50:04,989 --> 00:50:07,070
it out. My skin feels itchy. Yeah. My

1401
00:50:07,070 --> 00:50:08,224
skin feels skin feels too

1402
00:50:08,525 --> 00:50:11,164
tight. And and and spank you, you know,

1403
00:50:11,164 --> 00:50:13,644
till you cry. Mhmm. You know? And I

1404
00:50:13,644 --> 00:50:15,485
don't know. Once you hit that point, then

1405
00:50:15,485 --> 00:50:17,005
it stops and, you know, time to bring

1406
00:50:17,005 --> 00:50:18,684
you back. But that was also a,

1407
00:50:19,244 --> 00:50:20,385
a planned situation.

1408
00:50:21,059 --> 00:50:22,739
It was and it was not the only

1409
00:50:22,739 --> 00:50:25,059
way we interacted with Impact and kink. That

1410
00:50:25,059 --> 00:50:27,140
was like, we had the fun stuff. We

1411
00:50:27,140 --> 00:50:29,300
had the sexy stuff. We had the whatever

1412
00:50:29,300 --> 00:50:31,860
stuff. And then Yeah. This was, like, slotted

1413
00:50:31,860 --> 00:50:34,099
in of, I know that this will give

1414
00:50:34,099 --> 00:50:36,515
me a catharsis, and that's what I'm seeking,

1415
00:50:36,515 --> 00:50:38,275
not that it will fix my life. Right.

1416
00:50:38,275 --> 00:50:39,474
And and I was and I was just

1417
00:50:39,474 --> 00:50:41,414
gonna caveat that with saying, you know,

1418
00:50:42,515 --> 00:50:44,454
but we both know that

1419
00:50:45,075 --> 00:50:48,329
is not going to fix anything. Right. Okay?

1420
00:50:48,410 --> 00:50:50,190
You know, you still

1421
00:50:51,210 --> 00:50:53,050
were talking to somebody Right. At the time,

1422
00:50:53,050 --> 00:50:55,769
you know. So yeah. No. And, you know,

1423
00:50:55,769 --> 00:50:57,230
the the question brings up,

1424
00:50:57,530 --> 00:51:00,349
you know, can you set up a situation

1425
00:51:00,489 --> 00:51:01,309
in a relationship,

1426
00:51:01,849 --> 00:51:04,594
negotiated, communicated, blah blah blah, blah,

1427
00:51:04,894 --> 00:51:06,114
where there is a certain

1428
00:51:07,135 --> 00:51:09,954
form of seining or contact with one another

1429
00:51:10,094 --> 00:51:12,175
where the and it it can even be

1430
00:51:12,175 --> 00:51:13,855
on a routine or a schedule or a,

1431
00:51:13,855 --> 00:51:14,835
you know, whatever

1432
00:51:15,295 --> 00:51:15,534
where

1433
00:51:16,280 --> 00:51:18,839
because maintenance spankings are a thing. Right? You

1434
00:51:18,839 --> 00:51:20,859
know you're gonna get this kind of

1435
00:51:21,239 --> 00:51:23,900
whatever they mean by being broken down. Right?

1436
00:51:24,199 --> 00:51:26,519
You're gonna get this kind of interaction and

1437
00:51:26,519 --> 00:51:28,920
in hopes that you get the catharsis or

1438
00:51:28,920 --> 00:51:31,005
the whatever that you're you're seeking.

1439
00:51:31,304 --> 00:51:34,525
Can people negotiate that and create that structure

1440
00:51:34,664 --> 00:51:37,945
into their physical interactions with other? Abso fucking

1441
00:51:37,945 --> 00:51:38,445
lutely.

1442
00:51:38,824 --> 00:51:39,324
But

1443
00:51:41,304 --> 00:51:41,804
personally,

1444
00:51:43,409 --> 00:51:46,389
I would not recommend a person who's not

1445
00:51:46,530 --> 00:51:47,429
into BDSM,

1446
00:51:47,889 --> 00:51:49,510
knows nothing about BDSM,

1447
00:51:50,130 --> 00:51:50,869
to be

1448
00:51:51,569 --> 00:51:54,449
asked to to be asked to do that.

1449
00:51:54,449 --> 00:51:56,049
Like, could you just hit me until I

1450
00:51:56,049 --> 00:51:59,545
cry? Don't worry about learn about BDSM. I'm

1451
00:51:59,545 --> 00:52:00,985
just asking you to do this thing for

1452
00:52:00,985 --> 00:52:01,804
me. Right? Or

1453
00:52:02,265 --> 00:52:05,065
being asked to go become a dom, learn

1454
00:52:05,065 --> 00:52:07,864
about being a dom specifically for this kind

1455
00:52:07,864 --> 00:52:08,364
of

1456
00:52:09,784 --> 00:52:12,184
play physical interaction. How I don't even wanna

1457
00:52:12,184 --> 00:52:13,885
call it play when it's like that because

1458
00:52:13,945 --> 00:52:15,940
that that's not playful and fun. That's like

1459
00:52:16,099 --> 00:52:17,400
that's work. Right? Mhmm.

1460
00:52:18,099 --> 00:52:19,160
1, it negates

1461
00:52:19,700 --> 00:52:21,700
everything that your partner who you're asking to

1462
00:52:21,700 --> 00:52:23,780
be your dom who they are, what they

1463
00:52:23,780 --> 00:52:26,200
might want, what they're gonna learn about BDSM

1464
00:52:26,340 --> 00:52:29,514
and themselves on this path. And it's setting

1465
00:52:29,514 --> 00:52:31,855
up that partner to literally be a kink

1466
00:52:31,914 --> 00:52:32,414
dispenser.

1467
00:52:33,594 --> 00:52:36,255
And that's like the that's the most literal

1468
00:52:38,155 --> 00:52:40,394
explanation of kink dispensing I've seen in a

1469
00:52:40,394 --> 00:52:41,215
long time.

1470
00:52:43,010 --> 00:52:46,710
So there's that. There's also assuming that doing

1471
00:52:46,929 --> 00:52:49,089
this activity or one of a handful of

1472
00:52:49,089 --> 00:52:51,969
activities that classifies as breaking you or breaking

1473
00:52:51,969 --> 00:52:52,630
you down

1474
00:52:53,089 --> 00:52:54,869
will work every time

1475
00:52:55,775 --> 00:52:58,015
because there were a few times where I

1476
00:52:58,015 --> 00:52:59,695
was like, yeah. I'd like to cry. I

1477
00:52:59,695 --> 00:53:02,494
need this catharsis. I need this this therapy

1478
00:53:02,494 --> 00:53:04,114
space. I need to stop feeling anxious.

1479
00:53:04,414 --> 00:53:06,255
And you coulda wailed on me for a

1480
00:53:06,255 --> 00:53:08,355
few hours. My I was not

1481
00:53:09,239 --> 00:53:11,559
having the response I was hoping I would

1482
00:53:11,559 --> 00:53:13,320
get from that because I can't you can't

1483
00:53:13,320 --> 00:53:15,480
control that. Control that. It's just like saying,

1484
00:53:15,480 --> 00:53:17,079
well, you know, I wanna go into subspace

1485
00:53:17,079 --> 00:53:18,920
every time. Yeah. You know, it it's not

1486
00:53:18,920 --> 00:53:20,864
gonna happen every time. And you can't force

1487
00:53:20,864 --> 00:53:24,085
it. No. No. So not only is

1488
00:53:25,264 --> 00:53:28,005
it not a an ethical or

1489
00:53:28,385 --> 00:53:31,585
risk aware way to practice kink in general

1490
00:53:31,585 --> 00:53:33,900
by just going break me every fucking time,

1491
00:53:34,059 --> 00:53:35,420
and that's the only reason you should be

1492
00:53:35,420 --> 00:53:38,480
doing kink. It's it's not gonna fix anything.

1493
00:53:38,699 --> 00:53:39,500
It's not gonna

1494
00:53:40,059 --> 00:53:41,519
can people use

1495
00:53:42,619 --> 00:53:43,679
kink or

1496
00:53:44,059 --> 00:53:46,239
dive into kink or explore kink

1497
00:53:46,815 --> 00:53:49,714
based on shit they've gone through as

1498
00:53:50,175 --> 00:53:52,494
as big and important as trauma to less

1499
00:53:52,494 --> 00:53:54,275
of that. And and there have been

1500
00:53:54,734 --> 00:53:57,534
some people who have. Absolutely. There's it's not

1501
00:53:58,175 --> 00:54:00,579
that's not what's, air quote, wrong.

1502
00:54:00,880 --> 00:54:04,480
It's the setting this whole scenario up to,

1503
00:54:04,480 --> 00:54:05,940
quote, fix somebody

1504
00:54:07,920 --> 00:54:10,160
and asking their partner to just be a

1505
00:54:10,160 --> 00:54:11,655
kink dispenser for them

1506
00:54:12,054 --> 00:54:14,074
and only using it for that one thing

1507
00:54:14,215 --> 00:54:14,715
without

1508
00:54:15,255 --> 00:54:17,414
going to do the actual work. Like, there's

1509
00:54:17,494 --> 00:54:17,994
it's

1510
00:54:18,375 --> 00:54:20,394
I I think Could you imagine

1511
00:54:21,974 --> 00:54:24,375
I'm I'm, you know, thinking about this and

1512
00:54:24,375 --> 00:54:24,875
listening.

1513
00:54:25,829 --> 00:54:27,690
I I could not even imagine

1514
00:54:29,349 --> 00:54:29,849
being

1515
00:54:31,590 --> 00:54:34,090
the the dom or the top for somebody

1516
00:54:34,150 --> 00:54:34,809
like that,

1517
00:54:35,829 --> 00:54:36,329
and

1518
00:54:37,349 --> 00:54:39,030
you know, I I I I don't say

1519
00:54:39,030 --> 00:54:40,969
this lightly at this point, you know, but

1520
00:54:41,484 --> 00:54:42,224
God forbid

1521
00:54:43,405 --> 00:54:44,385
something happens

1522
00:54:44,684 --> 00:54:45,585
to that person.

1523
00:54:46,045 --> 00:54:48,605
Regardless if it's a direct thing of something

1524
00:54:48,605 --> 00:54:50,525
that you are doing at the moment or

1525
00:54:50,525 --> 00:54:51,664
just, you know,

1526
00:54:53,324 --> 00:54:54,545
think of how that, you know,

1527
00:54:55,164 --> 00:54:57,849
because BDSM is not gonna fix anything. It's

1528
00:54:57,849 --> 00:55:00,590
not gonna make anything different or better. Mhmm.

1529
00:55:00,650 --> 00:55:02,090
Okay. Not on its own. Not on its

1530
00:55:02,090 --> 00:55:04,409
own. Not definitely not on its own. So,

1531
00:55:04,409 --> 00:55:05,070
you know,

1532
00:55:05,369 --> 00:55:07,929
God forbid something happens to that person. Imagine

1533
00:55:07,929 --> 00:55:09,885
how that top would feel, that Dom would

1534
00:55:09,885 --> 00:55:12,244
feel. Absolutely. There's a huge responsibility and weight

1535
00:55:12,244 --> 00:55:14,164
you're asking this person to bear. I'm gonna

1536
00:55:14,164 --> 00:55:15,445
need you to do this kinky shit to

1537
00:55:15,445 --> 00:55:17,525
me to to fix me. I'm gonna need

1538
00:55:17,525 --> 00:55:18,885
you to do those work. Break me down

1539
00:55:18,885 --> 00:55:20,984
and build me back up. Mhmm. I

1540
00:55:22,630 --> 00:55:24,230
I I don't know if it's because I'm

1541
00:55:24,230 --> 00:55:25,289
definitely submissive

1542
00:55:25,590 --> 00:55:27,130
or if it's because I'm

1543
00:55:28,789 --> 00:55:30,869
too literal of a thinker. I don't know.

1544
00:55:30,869 --> 00:55:32,170
I have always struggled

1545
00:55:32,469 --> 00:55:34,974
with I cannot conceive the picture my mind

1546
00:55:34,974 --> 00:55:37,775
of breaking down to build up. Mhmm. I

1547
00:55:37,775 --> 00:55:39,214
know people use it. I know people who

1548
00:55:39,214 --> 00:55:40,574
experience it. There have been a lot of

1549
00:55:40,574 --> 00:55:41,855
people that use it. I don't see it

1550
00:55:41,855 --> 00:55:43,934
as much anymore. Years ago, I used to

1551
00:55:43,934 --> 00:55:45,135
see it as a lot. Mean the just

1552
00:55:45,135 --> 00:55:47,214
the terminology. I mean, there are people who

1553
00:55:48,170 --> 00:55:50,809
they would describe what they went through as

1554
00:55:50,809 --> 00:55:53,550
being broken down and then built back up,

1555
00:55:53,610 --> 00:55:56,090
right, by their dom, by their top. I

1556
00:55:56,090 --> 00:55:58,510
know people have that experience. My brain

1557
00:55:59,690 --> 00:56:00,190
cannot

1558
00:56:00,744 --> 00:56:03,324
put a picture to what those words mean.

1559
00:56:03,464 --> 00:56:05,864
Like, I'm like, what does breaking mean? Does

1560
00:56:05,864 --> 00:56:08,184
breaking mean crying? Does breaking mean taking you

1561
00:56:08,184 --> 00:56:09,545
to the edge of your limit? And maybe

1562
00:56:09,545 --> 00:56:11,545
it means all of that, and that's hard

1563
00:56:11,545 --> 00:56:13,224
for me to conceive to. You know? What

1564
00:56:13,224 --> 00:56:14,824
does it mean? And then how do they

1565
00:56:14,824 --> 00:56:16,679
build you back up? Like, that's isn't that

1566
00:56:16,679 --> 00:56:17,339
a skill?

1567
00:56:17,639 --> 00:56:19,320
Are you built back up by their love

1568
00:56:19,320 --> 00:56:21,400
and support, if that's the kind of relationship

1569
00:56:21,400 --> 00:56:23,079
you have? Are you built back up because

1570
00:56:23,079 --> 00:56:25,480
they put in the hard work of helping

1571
00:56:25,480 --> 00:56:25,980
you

1572
00:56:26,359 --> 00:56:29,320
see yourself in a new light? That's a

1573
00:56:29,320 --> 00:56:31,559
lot to fucking ask of somebody who isn't

1574
00:56:31,559 --> 00:56:34,015
already your kink partner and you haven't already

1575
00:56:34,015 --> 00:56:34,515
established

1576
00:56:34,894 --> 00:56:37,614
this rapport and this relationship and whatever y'all

1577
00:56:37,614 --> 00:56:40,255
are to one another in kink. Like, first

1578
00:56:40,255 --> 00:56:41,954
of all, yeah, I'm I

1579
00:56:43,054 --> 00:56:45,000
I my brain is what it is and

1580
00:56:45,000 --> 00:56:46,840
I literally am like, what does that mean,

1581
00:56:46,840 --> 00:56:47,340
though?

1582
00:56:47,719 --> 00:56:49,239
Like, what does that look like? I need

1583
00:56:49,239 --> 00:56:49,980
an example.

1584
00:56:51,159 --> 00:56:53,400
But also if it is how I just

1585
00:56:53,400 --> 00:56:55,159
described it by finally thinking about it out

1586
00:56:55,159 --> 00:56:55,659
loud,

1587
00:56:57,000 --> 00:56:58,964
that's a lot to ask for somebody.

1588
00:56:59,425 --> 00:57:00,644
Yeah. And it's it's

1589
00:57:01,505 --> 00:57:04,464
can it be done ethically? Absolutely. Mhmm. This

1590
00:57:04,464 --> 00:57:07,025
is an unethical request. I I mean, I,

1591
00:57:07,025 --> 00:57:09,184
you know, I'm I have read things in

1592
00:57:09,184 --> 00:57:11,204
in in the media, mainstream media,

1593
00:57:11,664 --> 00:57:13,525
where, you know, they are

1594
00:57:14,030 --> 00:57:15,250
looking at things that

1595
00:57:16,510 --> 00:57:18,289
in some cases some cases

1596
00:57:19,789 --> 00:57:21,809
BDSM in conjunction with

1597
00:57:22,349 --> 00:57:25,150
therapy Mhmm. Has helped some people Absolutely. With

1598
00:57:25,150 --> 00:57:25,889
with PTSD.

1599
00:57:26,269 --> 00:57:28,449
Yes. I've seen that report too.

1600
00:57:28,944 --> 00:57:31,204
In conjunction with therapy. Right.

1601
00:57:31,505 --> 00:57:32,385
K. Not

1602
00:57:32,784 --> 00:57:35,744
And and that's more about your personal experience

1603
00:57:35,744 --> 00:57:38,625
with BDSM. Mhmm. As dom or sub, with

1604
00:57:38,625 --> 00:57:41,204
top or bottom, however you interact with it,

1605
00:57:41,344 --> 00:57:41,844
not

1606
00:57:42,280 --> 00:57:44,200
looking at your partner and going, I need

1607
00:57:44,200 --> 00:57:46,860
you to be the one to fix me.

1608
00:57:47,000 --> 00:57:49,099
Go learn all this. Bring it back

1609
00:57:49,640 --> 00:57:51,960
and do this abstract thing of breaking me

1610
00:57:51,960 --> 00:57:53,559
down and building me back up because the

1611
00:57:53,559 --> 00:57:55,320
conversation would have to be, what the fuck

1612
00:57:55,320 --> 00:57:56,360
do you mean? How do you want me

1613
00:57:56,360 --> 00:57:57,800
to break it? What does breaking mean to

1614
00:57:57,800 --> 00:57:59,525
you? And what does building up look like

1615
00:57:59,525 --> 00:58:00,824
or feel like? Okay. Right.

1616
00:58:01,444 --> 00:58:01,944
Yep.

1617
00:58:02,644 --> 00:58:05,464
Yeah. And it it kills me. Does BDSM

1618
00:58:05,605 --> 00:58:06,424
provide structure?

1619
00:58:06,724 --> 00:58:09,384
I don't I would not say the entire

1620
00:58:09,444 --> 00:58:12,469
umbrella of it Mhmm. Necessarily. But if the

1621
00:58:12,469 --> 00:58:13,449
question had been

1622
00:58:13,829 --> 00:58:15,349
about power exchange, I've been like, oh my

1623
00:58:15,349 --> 00:58:17,429
god. So much structure. In in in a

1624
00:58:17,429 --> 00:58:20,150
power exchange, it absolutely can. Right. The whole

1625
00:58:20,150 --> 00:58:21,989
thing can be structured. Built the right. You

1626
00:58:21,989 --> 00:58:23,190
know, if it's built that way, that you

1627
00:58:23,349 --> 00:58:24,630
that's how you want it. But yes, it's

1628
00:58:24,630 --> 00:58:26,364
a good idea. Saw that title, I thought

1629
00:58:26,364 --> 00:58:28,605
that's where we were going. Going. And it

1630
00:58:28,605 --> 00:58:29,905
it was it was going

1631
00:58:30,525 --> 00:58:33,085
We total 1.80. We took a left somewhere.

1632
00:58:33,085 --> 00:58:34,305
I I don't know what happened.

1633
00:58:34,925 --> 00:58:36,305
You as I point right.

1634
00:58:36,684 --> 00:58:37,184
Gosh.

1635
00:58:37,485 --> 00:58:39,184
Don't ask me to follow a map.

1636
00:58:39,485 --> 00:58:40,144
Mhmm. Okay.

1637
00:58:40,880 --> 00:58:43,440
So that was the last one. I told

1638
00:58:43,440 --> 00:58:45,440
you every one of them had some elements

1639
00:58:45,440 --> 00:58:47,039
in it that make you go, what the

1640
00:58:47,039 --> 00:58:47,860
fuck? Yeah.

1641
00:58:49,039 --> 00:58:51,059
This was our what the fuck BDSM.

1642
00:58:52,079 --> 00:58:55,219
Excuse me. Reddit Sorry, folks. Response slash reaction.

1643
00:58:56,945 --> 00:58:58,565
But that was the last one. Okay.

1644
00:59:00,704 --> 00:59:01,204
Wow.

1645
00:59:01,985 --> 00:59:02,885
Wow. Wow. Wow.

1646
00:59:04,864 --> 00:59:07,344
Yeah. Somebody somebody just said in in chat,

1647
00:59:07,344 --> 00:59:09,505
Kenny said, a relationship killer. You're in charge

1648
00:59:09,505 --> 00:59:12,280
of how I feel. Oh, god. Oh, yeah.

1649
00:59:12,280 --> 00:59:13,339
That's so problematic.

1650
00:59:13,799 --> 00:59:14,780
That's so problematic.

1651
00:59:16,920 --> 00:59:17,420
Like,

1652
00:59:18,199 --> 00:59:19,579
short term, negotiated,

1653
00:59:20,359 --> 00:59:21,179
in scene?

1654
00:59:22,839 --> 00:59:25,559
Maybe. But even then, it's it's like subspace,

1655
00:59:25,559 --> 00:59:27,644
and it's like drop. And it's like anything

1656
00:59:27,944 --> 00:59:30,344
that is happening within our brain that we

1657
00:59:30,344 --> 00:59:31,885
don't actually control.

1658
00:59:32,344 --> 00:59:34,844
We can't control any of that. Yeah.

1659
00:59:36,824 --> 00:59:37,964
So, yeah, that was

1660
00:59:39,545 --> 00:59:42,239
that was our pre Thanksgiving slash Black Friday,

1661
00:59:42,239 --> 00:59:44,179
depending on when you're listening to this.

1662
00:59:45,679 --> 00:59:46,179
Episode.

1663
00:59:46,639 --> 00:59:48,480
Before we go on the bonus section, just

1664
00:59:48,480 --> 00:59:51,039
a reminder, all the sales, all the sales

1665
00:59:51,039 --> 00:59:53,380
companies we like, toys we like,

1666
00:59:53,920 --> 00:59:54,735
our own shit.

1667
00:59:55,454 --> 00:59:56,914
Links are in the places.

1668
00:59:57,295 --> 00:59:59,215
Don't pay full price if you ain't gotta.

1669
00:59:59,215 --> 01:00:00,035
There you go.

1670
01:00:04,894 --> 01:00:05,394
Yeah.

1671
01:00:05,855 --> 01:00:07,859
My heart rate's up. I know. Oh, that

1672
01:00:07,859 --> 01:00:09,460
one. Is hot. That one kinda got me

1673
01:00:09,460 --> 01:00:11,380
going a little bit new. Sucked down all

1674
01:00:11,380 --> 01:00:12,679
my coffee, and I

1675
01:00:12,980 --> 01:00:15,219
am probably speaking even faster than I was

1676
01:00:15,219 --> 01:00:15,960
at the top.

1677
01:00:16,420 --> 01:00:17,559
Mhmm. So,

1678
01:00:22,739 --> 01:00:25,184
About the life we chose. Are we good?

1679
01:00:25,324 --> 01:00:27,885
I don't know. I don't know. Not for

1680
01:00:27,885 --> 01:00:28,704
me to say.

1681
01:00:29,964 --> 01:00:31,804
Keep it kinky, y'all. And we'll see you

1682
01:00:31,804 --> 01:00:32,545
next week.

1683
01:00:41,719 --> 01:00:42,219
Toddy.

1684
01:00:43,640 --> 01:00:45,320
Yes, baby girl. Can we talk to the

1685
01:00:45,320 --> 01:00:45,820
Crickets?

1686
01:00:46,920 --> 01:00:47,960
Yeah. Okay.

1687
01:00:48,280 --> 01:00:51,159
That was the umpteenth time today where we

1688
01:00:51,159 --> 01:00:53,085
said a thing we have said now for

1689
01:00:53,085 --> 01:00:53,585
420

1690
01:00:54,364 --> 01:00:56,525
fucking episodes. And in the middle of it,

1691
01:00:56,525 --> 01:00:57,965
my brain went, wait. Are we saying this

1692
01:00:57,965 --> 01:00:59,885
right? Wait. Was that or is that the

1693
01:00:59,885 --> 01:01:01,264
right word? In midstream,

1694
01:01:01,724 --> 01:01:04,800
that is very frustrating because my my instinct

1695
01:01:04,800 --> 01:01:06,500
is to stop and correct,

1696
01:01:06,880 --> 01:01:08,559
but we're in it and there's a part

1697
01:01:08,559 --> 01:01:10,559
of my brain going, no, no, no, you

1698
01:01:10,559 --> 01:01:12,099
got it right. Keep going.

1699
01:01:13,920 --> 01:01:15,059
I think my

1700
01:01:15,440 --> 01:01:17,680
my little emotions sitting at the desk of

1701
01:01:17,680 --> 01:01:19,085
my inside out brain,

1702
01:01:20,425 --> 01:01:22,284
like, 4 of them are named panic.

1703
01:01:24,264 --> 01:01:26,585
And one of them can't tell time, read

1704
01:01:26,585 --> 01:01:28,105
a calendar, or know their left from their

1705
01:01:28,105 --> 01:01:29,784
right. Speaking of inside out, you know that

1706
01:01:29,784 --> 01:01:31,784
they're making that into a a series. You

1707
01:01:31,784 --> 01:01:33,304
know that's the 3rd time we've talked about

1708
01:01:33,304 --> 01:01:34,559
this. No.

1709
01:01:35,019 --> 01:01:36,159
Are you kidding me?

1710
01:01:36,699 --> 01:01:39,119
Are you kidding me for real? For real.

1711
01:01:39,739 --> 01:01:41,359
I sent him a reel,

1712
01:01:41,819 --> 01:01:42,960
Instagram reel,

1713
01:01:43,500 --> 01:01:45,980
with a little preview doololly trailer like thing

1714
01:01:45,980 --> 01:01:47,519
of the Inside Out

1715
01:01:48,155 --> 01:01:50,414
show series. That's where I saw it.

1716
01:01:51,275 --> 01:01:53,835
2 days after I sent that, he says

1717
01:01:53,835 --> 01:01:56,234
to me what you just heard. Did you

1718
01:01:56,234 --> 01:01:56,734
know?

1719
01:01:57,594 --> 01:01:58,494
They're making

1720
01:01:58,875 --> 01:02:02,710
an Inside Out series show, whatever, whatever. And

1721
01:02:03,089 --> 01:02:04,069
now, again,

1722
01:02:08,529 --> 01:02:10,929
who is manning the control board in your

1723
01:02:10,929 --> 01:02:11,429
brain?

1724
01:02:11,730 --> 01:02:12,949
It's short circuit.

1725
01:02:13,409 --> 01:02:16,289
Okay. Somebody poured, spilled their coffee on it,

1726
01:02:16,289 --> 01:02:17,054
didn't they? Yeah.

1727
01:02:18,094 --> 01:02:18,594
Yeah.

1728
01:02:19,135 --> 01:02:19,635
Yeah.

1729
01:02:20,655 --> 01:02:22,974
Well, you know, we we will talk a

1730
01:02:22,974 --> 01:02:24,994
little bit about that after this

1731
01:02:25,454 --> 01:02:26,835
because I I

1732
01:02:27,775 --> 01:02:29,614
think I'm getting a handle on what is

1733
01:02:29,614 --> 01:02:31,315
going on with all that with me.

1734
01:02:31,640 --> 01:02:32,140
Is

1735
01:02:32,680 --> 01:02:34,140
it the same reason,

1736
01:02:34,599 --> 01:02:36,519
and you don't have to say anything, that

1737
01:02:36,519 --> 01:02:37,019
you're

1738
01:02:37,640 --> 01:02:40,360
you're juggling right now? No. Oh, okay. No.

1739
01:02:40,360 --> 01:02:42,519
Nope. Whole different thing. A whole different thing.

1740
01:02:42,519 --> 01:02:45,500
Okay. Okay. Okay. Alright. So, yeah.

1741
01:02:47,244 --> 01:02:49,585
Podcast folks You have to. Can't see it.

1742
01:02:50,125 --> 01:02:51,184
I've I've been

1743
01:02:54,844 --> 01:02:56,385
It's a little stress stress

1744
01:02:57,005 --> 01:03:00,204
ball. Squeezy ball. Yeah. Because his, fidget spinner,

1745
01:03:00,204 --> 01:03:03,110
we learned in a concert, is loud. Loud.

1746
01:03:03,110 --> 01:03:03,610
Yep.

1747
01:03:03,989 --> 01:03:06,070
Yeah. I I also have a fidget spinner

1748
01:03:06,070 --> 01:03:07,130
that I play with.

1749
01:03:07,829 --> 01:03:10,070
Why would I have either one of these?

1750
01:03:10,070 --> 01:03:10,469
Mhmm.

1751
01:03:11,190 --> 01:03:12,630
1 week and 2 days ago

1752
01:03:13,510 --> 01:03:14,974
Not that not that he's counting.

1753
01:03:16,715 --> 01:03:17,775
1 week and

1754
01:03:18,075 --> 01:03:19,215
and and 2 days ago

1755
01:03:19,755 --> 01:03:20,575
9 days.

1756
01:03:21,115 --> 01:03:23,295
I I put down set down my

1757
01:03:23,835 --> 01:03:24,494
e cig.

1758
01:03:24,954 --> 01:03:26,795
We call it his whoopie. My whoopie. Yeah.

1759
01:03:26,795 --> 01:03:28,579
You would have to know a mister Mom

1760
01:03:28,579 --> 01:03:31,500
eighties movie reference to know what that is.

1761
01:03:31,500 --> 01:03:34,360
But if you do, you're our people. Right.

1762
01:03:34,659 --> 01:03:35,159
So,

1763
01:03:36,500 --> 01:03:38,900
you know, I I started vaping years ago

1764
01:03:38,900 --> 01:03:40,840
when I gave up my cigarette habit.

1765
01:03:43,325 --> 01:03:45,805
And and I've vaped for many years now

1766
01:03:45,805 --> 01:03:46,945
at this point. Mhmm.

1767
01:03:47,325 --> 01:03:49,405
It was probably, what, about a year and

1768
01:03:49,405 --> 01:03:50,224
a half ago,

1769
01:03:50,765 --> 01:03:52,765
cut out the nicotine? And I didn't know.

1770
01:03:52,765 --> 01:03:54,525
Y'all, I've been walking around here just not

1771
01:03:54,525 --> 01:03:56,605
knowing he wasn't on nicotine. It was a

1772
01:03:56,605 --> 01:03:57,105
flawless

1773
01:03:57,480 --> 01:04:00,219
transition. She never knew. He never noticed.

1774
01:04:00,599 --> 01:04:02,679
It was a flawless Never noticed. It was

1775
01:04:02,679 --> 01:04:03,900
a flawless transition.

1776
01:04:06,519 --> 01:04:09,000
So, you know, and and I kept vaping

1777
01:04:09,000 --> 01:04:10,380
even though it was,

1778
01:04:10,985 --> 01:04:12,125
you know no nicotine,

1779
01:04:12,664 --> 01:04:14,684
because I kind of I've always enjoyed

1780
01:04:15,144 --> 01:04:16,505
even though my doctor always told me, you

1781
01:04:16,505 --> 01:04:18,844
know, you need to quit smoking, stop smoking,

1782
01:04:19,704 --> 01:04:21,485
but I've always enjoyed it.

1783
01:04:22,344 --> 01:04:25,339
So I I came to a a point

1784
01:04:25,799 --> 01:04:27,960
recently. It was, like, I I need to

1785
01:04:27,960 --> 01:04:28,699
stop this.

1786
01:04:29,400 --> 01:04:30,699
It it needs to stop.

1787
01:04:31,079 --> 01:04:31,480
And,

1788
01:04:31,960 --> 01:04:33,019
I set it down,

1789
01:04:34,440 --> 01:04:35,739
and here I am.

1790
01:04:36,519 --> 01:04:37,019
Now,

1791
01:04:37,799 --> 01:04:38,299
what?

1792
01:04:39,144 --> 01:04:42,825
We've also discovered so I I I from

1793
01:04:42,825 --> 01:04:43,325
a

1794
01:04:43,864 --> 01:04:45,785
I am no expert. I am no professional.

1795
01:04:45,785 --> 01:04:47,545
But from, like, the psychology side of things,

1796
01:04:47,545 --> 01:04:49,805
because that's what fascinates me the most. Yeah.

1797
01:04:50,105 --> 01:04:52,590
Everything I've seen makes total sense. He's had

1798
01:04:52,829 --> 01:04:53,570
the physical

1799
01:04:54,110 --> 01:04:56,750
experience of first smoking cigarettes then using his

1800
01:04:56,750 --> 01:04:59,309
vape Mhmm. For literal decades. When did you

1801
01:04:59,309 --> 01:05:01,390
actually smoke your first cigarette? How old were

1802
01:05:01,390 --> 01:05:01,890
you?

1803
01:05:02,750 --> 01:05:04,289
I was 11. Right.

1804
01:05:04,910 --> 01:05:05,890
He's 60

1805
01:05:06,764 --> 01:05:07,264
3.

1806
01:05:07,644 --> 01:05:10,125
It's Yeah. Literal decades. Right? So the habit

1807
01:05:10,125 --> 01:05:10,864
is ingrained.

1808
01:05:11,324 --> 01:05:12,924
So it all makes sense that he needs

1809
01:05:12,924 --> 01:05:14,844
to keep his hands busy. I'm more surprised

1810
01:05:14,844 --> 01:05:16,764
he's not sucking on Tic Tacs, but it

1811
01:05:16,924 --> 01:05:18,304
you know, it's fine.

1812
01:05:18,844 --> 01:05:19,664
But here's

1813
01:05:20,210 --> 01:05:23,010
what we've both learned is just how often

1814
01:05:23,010 --> 01:05:24,849
he would because he would like it is

1815
01:05:24,849 --> 01:05:26,929
his whoobie. He would comfort hold that damn

1816
01:05:26,929 --> 01:05:28,289
bitch. I would just hold it in my

1817
01:05:28,289 --> 01:05:29,889
hand. Just walk he will fall asleep with

1818
01:05:29,889 --> 01:05:31,809
it in his hand, y'all. So he's used

1819
01:05:31,809 --> 01:05:33,409
to having something in his hands, so he

1820
01:05:33,409 --> 01:05:35,585
needs to keep his hands busy anytime his

1821
01:05:35,585 --> 01:05:37,125
brain can get quiet.

1822
01:05:37,664 --> 01:05:39,525
That includes when driving.

1823
01:05:39,824 --> 01:05:42,625
Now I'm grateful he's not doing the fidget

1824
01:05:42,625 --> 01:05:43,125
spinner

1825
01:05:43,425 --> 01:05:44,244
while driving.

1826
01:05:44,625 --> 01:05:47,280
No. But he does the squeezy ball. But

1827
01:05:47,599 --> 01:05:49,199
I I don't know if it's bumps in

1828
01:05:49,199 --> 01:05:50,900
the road. I don't know if it's

1829
01:05:51,599 --> 01:05:53,539
traffic. I don't know if it's just

1830
01:05:54,159 --> 01:05:55,539
whoever's running the

1831
01:05:56,320 --> 01:05:58,559
the switchboard in his brain, but he would

1832
01:05:58,559 --> 01:06:01,840
almost drop his squeezy ball while driving. Because

1833
01:06:01,840 --> 01:06:03,494
there are times when I have it in

1834
01:06:03,494 --> 01:06:05,894
my hand, I'm not just squeezing it, I

1835
01:06:05,894 --> 01:06:08,694
am flipping it, and I'm flipping it. And

1836
01:06:08,694 --> 01:06:09,194
so

1837
01:06:09,574 --> 01:06:11,835
when it nearly falls out of his hand

1838
01:06:11,974 --> 01:06:12,474
while

1839
01:06:12,855 --> 01:06:13,355
driving,

1840
01:06:13,815 --> 01:06:15,275
he has the very natural

1841
01:06:15,574 --> 01:06:17,519
reflex to wanna go look for it and

1842
01:06:17,599 --> 01:06:18,880
catch it and pick it up. And I'm

1843
01:06:18,880 --> 01:06:21,199
like, could you just let it drop and

1844
01:06:21,199 --> 01:06:22,659
I'll get it for you?

1845
01:06:22,960 --> 01:06:25,059
I'd like to make it to our destination

1846
01:06:26,079 --> 01:06:26,579
alive.

1847
01:06:26,880 --> 01:06:28,640
Yeah. But we did also learn that the

1848
01:06:28,640 --> 01:06:30,485
fidget spinner that he thought was quiet,

1849
01:06:30,785 --> 01:06:32,305
the man who is hard of hearing and

1850
01:06:32,305 --> 01:06:34,704
uses hearing aids, was telling us the volume

1851
01:06:34,704 --> 01:06:35,285
of something.

1852
01:06:36,144 --> 01:06:37,765
He's we're sitting in

1853
01:06:38,224 --> 01:06:40,405
the kit, the oldest concert. The oldest concert.

1854
01:06:40,545 --> 01:06:41,925
And it was in between

1855
01:06:42,579 --> 01:06:45,159
songs or movements, but it got real quiet.

1856
01:06:46,579 --> 01:06:47,079
Yeah.

1857
01:06:49,859 --> 01:06:52,099
And I stopped that shit dead. At the

1858
01:06:52,099 --> 01:06:53,780
same time, my head got on top of

1859
01:06:53,780 --> 01:06:56,019
her head. We're like, so glad this room

1860
01:06:56,019 --> 01:06:58,144
is dark right now. Yeah.

1861
01:06:58,765 --> 01:07:01,405
Yeah. Yeah. So squeezy ball it is. Squeezy

1862
01:07:01,405 --> 01:07:02,925
ball it is. Yeah. And certain certain you

1863
01:07:02,925 --> 01:07:04,445
know, while while I do like the the

1864
01:07:04,445 --> 01:07:05,344
fidget spinner,

1865
01:07:05,805 --> 01:07:06,704
yeah. And certain

1866
01:07:07,565 --> 01:07:09,805
the, the squeezy ball is is gonna be

1867
01:07:09,805 --> 01:07:11,960
it. It's the quietest. Yeah. But it's clearly

1868
01:07:11,960 --> 01:07:14,199
not the safest while he's driving down the

1869
01:07:14,199 --> 01:07:14,699
road.

1870
01:07:16,440 --> 01:07:17,339
Oh my gosh.

1871
01:07:17,719 --> 01:07:20,139
But he did the putting down his vape

1872
01:07:20,279 --> 01:07:22,839
the way he did quitting nicotine, which is

1873
01:07:22,839 --> 01:07:24,279
he just did it and he didn't say

1874
01:07:24,279 --> 01:07:25,420
anything to me.

1875
01:07:25,719 --> 01:07:26,460
But he

1876
01:07:27,695 --> 01:07:29,295
he started running around the house going to

1877
01:07:29,295 --> 01:07:30,574
the youngest going, do you still have your

1878
01:07:30,574 --> 01:07:32,894
old fidget spinner? John doesn't have a lot

1879
01:07:32,894 --> 01:07:33,855
in his room, but basically, he tore up

1880
01:07:33,855 --> 01:07:35,635
his room, couldn't find the old fidget spinner.

1881
01:07:35,695 --> 01:07:38,335
I'm pretty sure I remember which box it

1882
01:07:38,335 --> 01:07:39,474
went in for donations

1883
01:07:39,934 --> 01:07:41,489
a year or so ago. He comes to

1884
01:07:41,489 --> 01:07:42,769
me and goes, where are our squeezy balls?

1885
01:07:42,769 --> 01:07:44,449
We have our squeezy balls. Where are they?

1886
01:07:44,449 --> 01:07:46,610
And I'm like, oh. And then, like, 2

1887
01:07:46,610 --> 01:07:48,449
days this, and he goes, oh, Amazon order.

1888
01:07:48,449 --> 01:07:49,890
Can we get Fidget Spinners? I'm like, send

1889
01:07:49,890 --> 01:07:51,170
me the link of the one you want.

1890
01:07:51,170 --> 01:07:52,724
Okay. And all of this, all of this.

1891
01:07:52,805 --> 01:07:54,485
And he's like frantic running around. And I'm

1892
01:07:54,485 --> 01:07:56,405
like, I should ask, but he'll tell me,

1893
01:07:56,405 --> 01:07:58,505
I guess. But what? But also my brain,

1894
01:07:58,644 --> 01:08:01,045
I'd floated off like 30 seconds later. Anyway,

1895
01:08:01,045 --> 01:08:02,425
I forgot we'd had the conversation.

1896
01:08:02,724 --> 01:08:04,244
And finally, he comes up to me and

1897
01:08:04,244 --> 01:08:05,940
goes, you're probably wondering why I'm asking about

1898
01:08:06,099 --> 01:08:06,920
probably wondering

1899
01:08:08,339 --> 01:08:11,219
why I'm asking about fidget spinners and squeezy

1900
01:08:11,219 --> 01:08:13,219
balls. And first, I had the moment of,

1901
01:08:13,219 --> 01:08:15,139
wait. What? Oh, yeah. That's right. And then

1902
01:08:15,139 --> 01:08:15,719
I went,

1903
01:08:16,020 --> 01:08:16,920
oh, yeah.

1904
01:08:17,300 --> 01:08:19,300
And that's when he told me. But that

1905
01:08:19,300 --> 01:08:21,345
was quicker than me finding out he had

1906
01:08:21,345 --> 01:08:21,845
quit

1907
01:08:26,625 --> 01:08:27,125
nicotine.

1908
01:08:28,864 --> 01:08:31,025
I'm I'm very happy for you. I'm proud

1909
01:08:31,025 --> 01:08:33,185
of you. I'm gonna support you in whatever

1910
01:08:33,185 --> 01:08:34,470
way we can. Just please do not get

1911
01:08:34,470 --> 01:08:36,070
us killed on the road because you dropped

1912
01:08:36,070 --> 01:08:37,130
your squeezy ball.

1913
01:08:37,590 --> 01:08:38,869
I will I will pick it up for

1914
01:08:38,869 --> 01:08:41,210
you. Well It'll be a surface. I I

1915
01:08:41,430 --> 01:08:43,210
I will say this. Alright?

1916
01:08:43,829 --> 01:08:46,230
You know, yeah, I kind of but you

1917
01:08:46,230 --> 01:08:48,070
know what I did not do? Both both

1918
01:08:48,070 --> 01:08:50,454
times when that happened, my eyes never left

1919
01:08:50,454 --> 01:08:52,055
that road. I don't care. I'm too anxious

1920
01:08:52,055 --> 01:08:52,635
for that.

1921
01:08:53,095 --> 01:08:55,175
One of your hands, like, was no longer

1922
01:08:55,255 --> 01:08:57,095
and you moved and it and then the

1923
01:08:57,095 --> 01:08:59,414
act of moving, the steering wheel shifted just

1924
01:08:59,414 --> 01:09:01,195
slightly, and that would that, like,

1925
01:09:01,939 --> 01:09:04,020
half a degree of movement was too much

1926
01:09:04,020 --> 01:09:04,520
for

1927
01:09:06,179 --> 01:09:08,679
me. But I am also the person. Okay.

1928
01:09:09,939 --> 01:09:13,079
So we were a very good niece and

1929
01:09:13,139 --> 01:09:15,960
nephew in law. That makes me laugh. JB

1930
01:09:16,260 --> 01:09:18,305
is the nephew in law to my aunt

1931
01:09:18,305 --> 01:09:19,824
and uncle, and he is 2 to 3

1932
01:09:19,824 --> 01:09:20,965
years older than them.

1933
01:09:21,345 --> 01:09:22,645
Sure. He's their nephew.

1934
01:09:23,024 --> 01:09:23,425
I I

1935
01:09:24,145 --> 01:09:26,465
sure. We none of us mentioned that. Like,

1936
01:09:26,465 --> 01:09:28,145
my mother does not refer to him as

1937
01:09:28,145 --> 01:09:30,885
her son-in-law unless it's to make everybody uncomfortable

1938
01:09:31,710 --> 01:09:32,989
because they're the same age.

1939
01:09:33,789 --> 01:09:35,810
Age gap relationships are fascinating

1940
01:09:36,590 --> 01:09:37,329
and uncomfortable.

1941
01:09:39,470 --> 01:09:39,970
So

1942
01:09:41,229 --> 01:09:43,409
my aunt and uncle needed help

1943
01:09:43,869 --> 01:09:44,369
today

1944
01:09:45,345 --> 01:09:47,425
to get their vehicle that needed to go

1945
01:09:47,425 --> 01:09:49,125
into the body shop there

1946
01:09:49,664 --> 01:09:50,565
and to pick

1947
01:09:50,945 --> 01:09:52,965
up their rental car. Mhmm.

1948
01:09:53,345 --> 01:09:55,744
And my uncle, for reasons, is not driving

1949
01:09:55,744 --> 01:09:58,145
right now, and my aunt does not usually

1950
01:09:58,145 --> 01:09:59,985
drive. But she has been driving while my

1951
01:09:59,985 --> 01:10:00,869
uncle is unable

1952
01:10:01,590 --> 01:10:04,390
to drive. But my aunt has vision issues.

1953
01:10:04,390 --> 01:10:07,189
Now they are better after multiple surgeries, but

1954
01:10:07,189 --> 01:10:09,369
she has no peripheral vision.

1955
01:10:09,829 --> 01:10:11,430
Like, it's a tunnel. I say I have

1956
01:10:11,430 --> 01:10:13,750
no peripheral vision, but mostly because I'm really

1957
01:10:13,750 --> 01:10:14,649
not paying attention.

1958
01:10:14,949 --> 01:10:17,534
She is, like, shuttered. Like, she only can

1959
01:10:17,534 --> 01:10:19,795
see straight. But she drives.

1960
01:10:20,255 --> 01:10:22,255
They're adults. We've offered. They're gonna do what

1961
01:10:22,255 --> 01:10:23,534
they wanna do. I can't make them do

1962
01:10:23,534 --> 01:10:24,034
shit.

1963
01:10:25,055 --> 01:10:25,555
So

1964
01:10:26,095 --> 01:10:28,095
because it was a 2 vehicle situation, she

1965
01:10:28,095 --> 01:10:28,835
needed help.

1966
01:10:29,375 --> 01:10:30,275
She thought

1967
01:10:30,735 --> 01:10:33,119
that what would happen is my uncle would

1968
01:10:33,119 --> 01:10:34,340
ride with John.

1969
01:10:34,640 --> 01:10:35,140
John,

1970
01:10:35,520 --> 01:10:37,279
I had to call you that earlier, and

1971
01:10:37,279 --> 01:10:39,219
it slipped out. I would ride with JB

1972
01:10:40,319 --> 01:10:42,079
in the vehicle to go to the place,

1973
01:10:42,079 --> 01:10:43,920
and I would ride with my aunt. And

1974
01:10:43,920 --> 01:10:46,500
I I'm not an assertive person

1975
01:10:47,465 --> 01:10:48,444
in many situations

1976
01:10:48,904 --> 01:10:50,904
with many people. I'm too much of a

1977
01:10:50,904 --> 01:10:51,644
people pleaser.

1978
01:10:53,545 --> 01:10:56,024
But my anxiety will sometimes take over and

1979
01:10:56,024 --> 01:10:58,024
speak for me. And I said, oh, I'm

1980
01:10:58,024 --> 01:11:00,104
not riding in the car if you're driving,

1981
01:11:00,104 --> 01:11:01,704
and it's just the 2 of us. I

1982
01:11:01,704 --> 01:11:04,170
I will ride with you driving if I

1983
01:11:04,170 --> 01:11:05,850
can sit in the back seat and not

1984
01:11:05,850 --> 01:11:07,630
look at the road. But if you need

1985
01:11:07,689 --> 01:11:08,189
navigation,

1986
01:11:09,609 --> 01:11:12,569
I'm I'm not riding with you. Yeah. And

1987
01:11:12,569 --> 01:11:13,930
I felt bad because I think I kinda

1988
01:11:13,930 --> 01:11:15,225
hurt her feelings, but I was like,

1989
01:11:15,704 --> 01:11:18,024
I am too anxious. I am already a

1990
01:11:18,024 --> 01:11:19,244
really bad passenger.

1991
01:11:19,945 --> 01:11:21,864
You don't want me to be anxious. And

1992
01:11:21,864 --> 01:11:23,305
I and didn't say this to her. I

1993
01:11:23,305 --> 01:11:24,984
remember how you drove when you did have

1994
01:11:24,984 --> 01:11:25,885
your full sight.

1995
01:11:26,984 --> 01:11:28,984
It was terrifying. It was great to 8

1996
01:11:28,984 --> 01:11:30,369
year old me who thought it was really

1997
01:11:30,369 --> 01:11:32,289
cool that we were racing the old people

1998
01:11:32,289 --> 01:11:33,189
down the highway.

1999
01:11:34,369 --> 01:11:36,529
Adult me is well aware of how bad

2000
01:11:36,529 --> 01:11:38,609
that could go not doing it. I'm gonna

2001
01:11:38,609 --> 01:11:40,609
stay with my comfort person. His name is

2002
01:11:40,609 --> 01:11:41,109
JB.

2003
01:11:41,729 --> 01:11:44,050
He can drive me anywhere. I just drive

2004
01:11:44,050 --> 01:11:44,869
him crazy.

2005
01:11:45,994 --> 01:11:47,835
And until he drops his squeezy ball, it

2006
01:11:47,835 --> 01:11:49,135
scares the shit out of me.

2007
01:11:49,435 --> 01:11:51,354
Well, you know, the thing I found funny

2008
01:11:51,354 --> 01:11:53,034
about all this, you know, I've had no

2009
01:11:53,034 --> 01:11:56,154
problem helping helping them. No. No. I'm happy

2010
01:11:56,154 --> 01:11:57,630
to wish we they would let us help

2011
01:11:57,630 --> 01:11:58,909
them more. More. You know? Yeah. So that

2012
01:11:58,909 --> 01:12:00,510
she was not driving around because there there

2013
01:12:00,590 --> 01:12:02,029
there's some things that have been going on.

2014
01:12:02,029 --> 01:12:03,630
I've been scratching my head, and, like, why

2015
01:12:03,630 --> 01:12:04,609
are they doing that?

2016
01:12:05,789 --> 01:12:07,889
But, anyway, you know, their their,

2017
01:12:09,389 --> 01:12:10,369
at least, her

2018
01:12:12,505 --> 01:12:13,564
plan for

2019
01:12:14,664 --> 01:12:15,545
the morning was,

2020
01:12:16,024 --> 01:12:16,845
very convoluted.

2021
01:12:17,305 --> 01:12:19,324
Oh, it involved 3 vehicles.

2022
01:12:19,704 --> 01:12:20,204
Yeah.

2023
01:12:20,664 --> 01:12:21,404
And and

2024
01:12:21,784 --> 01:12:23,885
going back to their house twice, I think.

2025
01:12:24,024 --> 01:12:26,185
That was my I added that convolution. She

2026
01:12:26,185 --> 01:12:29,350
thought we were gonna take 3 vehicles to

2027
01:12:29,350 --> 01:12:31,909
go well, 2 vehicles to go pick up

2028
01:12:31,909 --> 01:12:34,069
1, then it would be 3 vehicles to

2029
01:12:34,069 --> 01:12:35,989
go drop off the 1. We were like,

2030
01:12:35,989 --> 01:12:37,590
no. We don't Like, no. We're not gonna

2031
01:12:37,590 --> 01:12:39,670
do that. No. No. But I think I

2032
01:12:39,670 --> 01:12:41,350
did hurt her feelings because I was like,

2033
01:12:41,350 --> 01:12:42,814
I I love you so much. If you're

2034
01:12:42,814 --> 01:12:45,055
driving, I'm not riding. Not front seat, not

2035
01:12:45,055 --> 01:12:47,614
navigator. Because she would not have known how

2036
01:12:47,614 --> 01:12:49,695
to get from where they picked up the

2037
01:12:49,695 --> 01:12:50,195
rental

2038
01:12:50,975 --> 01:12:53,935
to the body shop place without either following

2039
01:12:53,935 --> 01:12:56,489
JB, which is what they did, or having

2040
01:12:56,489 --> 01:12:58,569
somebody to navigate for her. And I was

2041
01:12:58,569 --> 01:13:00,489
like, I can't I can't be forced to

2042
01:13:00,489 --> 01:13:02,670
pay attention to the road while you're driving.

2043
01:13:03,530 --> 01:13:05,289
If I can't sit in the back seat

2044
01:13:05,289 --> 01:13:07,689
with my face in my phone, I can't

2045
01:13:07,689 --> 01:13:08,430
do it.

2046
01:13:09,050 --> 01:13:10,489
I'll let her in. So

2047
01:13:12,064 --> 01:13:13,585
yeah. It meant for it made for a

2048
01:13:13,585 --> 01:13:14,645
very early morning.

2049
01:13:15,345 --> 01:13:17,824
And I they they asked last week because

2050
01:13:17,824 --> 01:13:20,005
it was an appointment thing with their insurance,

2051
01:13:20,545 --> 01:13:22,385
and I was fascinated by that because I

2052
01:13:22,385 --> 01:13:24,305
have the same insurance they have. And when

2053
01:13:24,305 --> 01:13:27,060
we had an accident and needed, like, body

2054
01:13:27,060 --> 01:13:28,899
work done or whatever, it was not an

2055
01:13:28,899 --> 01:13:31,139
appointment thing. They were, like, wild west out

2056
01:13:31,139 --> 01:13:33,079
there. Go find you a body shop. Yeah.

2057
01:13:33,139 --> 01:13:33,639
But,

2058
01:13:34,659 --> 01:13:36,579
they asked last week, but they said, oh,

2059
01:13:36,579 --> 01:13:38,500
we might not need your help, but we'll

2060
01:13:38,500 --> 01:13:39,905
let you know. And when we didn't hear

2061
01:13:39,905 --> 01:13:41,824
anything by, like, midday Tuesday, we were both

2062
01:13:41,824 --> 01:13:43,605
like, oh, maybe they don't need our help.

2063
01:13:43,824 --> 01:13:46,225
Because as I complained about in the butt

2064
01:13:46,225 --> 01:13:47,925
rub section to the livestream,

2065
01:13:48,465 --> 01:13:49,364
we are in

2066
01:13:49,905 --> 01:13:50,965
Black Friday

2067
01:13:51,505 --> 01:13:53,125
panic mode right now.

2068
01:13:54,149 --> 01:13:55,829
And so we're like, okay. Maybe they won't

2069
01:13:55,829 --> 01:13:57,750
need us Wednesday morning. They needed us Wednesday

2070
01:13:57,750 --> 01:14:01,350
morning. So Tuesday evening, my aunt passed out

2071
01:14:01,350 --> 01:14:03,909
after dinner last night. Right. Right. And we

2072
01:14:03,909 --> 01:14:05,989
are planners at this house, so that was

2073
01:14:06,149 --> 01:14:08,274
that felt like cutting it close to us.

2074
01:14:08,494 --> 01:14:10,814
So my my aunt's telling me what they

2075
01:14:10,814 --> 01:14:12,354
need in the times, and I said

2076
01:14:12,975 --> 01:14:14,895
I'm like, okay. Well, we're here to help

2077
01:14:14,895 --> 01:14:16,255
and we can help. I was like, but

2078
01:14:16,574 --> 01:14:19,055
and normally, when we all get together, it's

2079
01:14:19,055 --> 01:14:21,135
like a 2 or 3 hour on top

2080
01:14:21,135 --> 01:14:23,149
of whatever the time. I said, we will

2081
01:14:23,149 --> 01:14:26,429
be moving with purpose on Wednesday because we

2082
01:14:26,429 --> 01:14:27,889
have to get back home

2083
01:14:28,270 --> 01:14:30,189
to get stuff ready. And the nice thing

2084
01:14:30,189 --> 01:14:30,689
is

2085
01:14:31,149 --> 01:14:34,270
they know we work in, air quote, adult

2086
01:14:34,270 --> 01:14:34,770
stuff.

2087
01:14:35,310 --> 01:14:36,975
But as I explained to my aunt, do

2088
01:14:36,975 --> 01:14:38,255
not ask what you do not want to

2089
01:14:38,255 --> 01:14:40,255
know because you can't unknow if I tell

2090
01:14:40,255 --> 01:14:40,755
you.

2091
01:14:41,935 --> 01:14:43,534
So all I have to do is say

2092
01:14:43,534 --> 01:14:45,614
Black Friday and everybody in the family gets

2093
01:14:45,614 --> 01:14:47,635
it because everybody's worked retail at some point.

2094
01:14:47,695 --> 01:14:49,960
So that they respected it. But they I

2095
01:14:49,960 --> 01:14:51,739
think they thought we were joking

2096
01:14:52,439 --> 01:14:52,939
because

2097
01:14:53,399 --> 01:14:55,079
we did the drive through to get coffee.

2098
01:14:55,079 --> 01:14:56,920
We get back to their house. We never

2099
01:14:56,920 --> 01:14:59,239
even we walked out of the garage to

2100
01:14:59,239 --> 01:15:01,399
our car as they're trying to walk in.

2101
01:15:01,399 --> 01:15:02,784
And they're like, oh, you don't wanna come

2102
01:15:02,784 --> 01:15:04,385
in? We're like, nope. Yeah. Nope. We don't

2103
01:15:04,385 --> 01:15:06,224
have time. We love you so much. We

2104
01:15:06,224 --> 01:15:07,505
were glad to be able to help. But

2105
01:15:07,505 --> 01:15:08,704
we got so much work to do. We

2106
01:15:08,704 --> 01:15:09,444
gotta go.

2107
01:15:09,904 --> 01:15:13,125
We gotta go. Yeah. So yeah.

2108
01:15:13,824 --> 01:15:15,984
But, yeah, that was The last 2 nights,

2109
01:15:15,984 --> 01:15:17,524
you you've been working

2110
01:15:18,619 --> 01:15:20,399
late. I've been doing a candle

2111
01:15:20,779 --> 01:15:23,899
restock for Black Friday. Yep. Yep. Yep. And

2112
01:15:23,899 --> 01:15:25,579
I don't I think I only said it

2113
01:15:25,579 --> 01:15:27,260
in the butt rub for the the live

2114
01:15:27,260 --> 01:15:29,340
stream, so podcast listeners, I'm adding a new

2115
01:15:29,340 --> 01:15:29,840
color.

2116
01:15:30,539 --> 01:15:33,555
Green wax play candles. Yeah. It's a pretty

2117
01:15:33,555 --> 01:15:34,295
green too. Mhmm. Mhmm.

2118
01:15:35,234 --> 01:15:37,975
Mhmm. But, yeah, last night, I made 60

2119
01:15:38,034 --> 01:15:38,534
candles.

2120
01:15:38,994 --> 01:15:39,494
Mhmm.

2121
01:15:40,994 --> 01:15:43,555
JB sent me a reel, which led to

2122
01:15:43,555 --> 01:15:45,960
a purchase of my very first ever wax

2123
01:15:45,960 --> 01:15:48,439
melter. And, see, serious candle makers would know

2124
01:15:48,439 --> 01:15:50,520
about wax melters. I kind of knew about

2125
01:15:50,520 --> 01:15:51,800
them, but I didn't know you could get

2126
01:15:51,800 --> 01:15:52,699
them in, like,

2127
01:15:53,079 --> 01:15:54,439
small size. I thought you could only do,

2128
01:15:54,439 --> 01:15:55,800
like, industrial. And I was like, I don't

2129
01:15:55,800 --> 01:15:57,494
have room for industrial nor money.

2130
01:15:58,454 --> 01:16:00,635
So I've got my very first wax melter,

2131
01:16:01,574 --> 01:16:03,255
and I'm in love with it, but I

2132
01:16:03,255 --> 01:16:07,095
keep also calling it it's wax melter. I

2133
01:16:07,095 --> 01:16:07,835
keep saying

2134
01:16:08,215 --> 01:16:09,195
Max Welter.

2135
01:16:11,439 --> 01:16:13,760
I don't know how many times I've said

2136
01:16:13,760 --> 01:16:14,659
Max Welter.

2137
01:16:15,520 --> 01:16:17,840
I did think today that's a great name

2138
01:16:17,840 --> 01:16:18,659
for a character.

2139
01:16:19,199 --> 01:16:21,059
TV show, book, whatever whatever.

2140
01:16:21,599 --> 01:16:23,599
If you're looking for the name for a

2141
01:16:23,599 --> 01:16:24,819
character you're writing,

2142
01:16:25,625 --> 01:16:27,145
go for it. Max Welter, I give it

2143
01:16:27,145 --> 01:16:28,904
to you for free. That, would be,

2144
01:16:30,425 --> 01:16:32,125
what, Max Headroom's relative?

2145
01:16:35,864 --> 01:16:36,364
Anyway,

2146
01:16:39,630 --> 01:16:41,550
yeah. Yeah. So I think I I hurt

2147
01:16:41,550 --> 01:16:43,090
I think I hurt my aunt's feelings.

2148
01:16:44,029 --> 01:16:46,750
But, look, we arrived live to all the

2149
01:16:46,750 --> 01:16:47,409
the destinations.

2150
01:16:47,710 --> 01:16:49,170
It was great. It was great.

2151
01:16:50,270 --> 01:16:51,890
I also learned that

2152
01:16:52,695 --> 01:16:55,255
JB had not known of a shortcut to

2153
01:16:55,255 --> 01:16:57,015
get from a certain point on the road

2154
01:16:57,015 --> 01:16:59,255
to where the Starbucks is. I thought he

2155
01:16:59,255 --> 01:17:00,854
had to take this long windy way. And

2156
01:17:00,854 --> 01:17:02,695
he goes, I just learned about no. He

2157
01:17:02,695 --> 01:17:04,215
said, we just learned about it the other

2158
01:17:04,215 --> 01:17:06,020
day. I went, there's no we here.

2159
01:17:06,399 --> 01:17:08,180
I've known for literal years. Right?

2160
01:17:09,280 --> 01:17:11,840
And I'm sitting there with all of, like,

2161
01:17:11,840 --> 01:17:13,840
my what the fuck kind of energy this

2162
01:17:13,840 --> 01:17:16,399
morning going, who am I? What is wrong

2163
01:17:16,399 --> 01:17:18,494
with me? And I don't know if it

2164
01:17:18,494 --> 01:17:20,914
was lack of sleep or if the hanger

2165
01:17:21,295 --> 01:17:23,055
was creeping in. We did not eat breakfast

2166
01:17:23,055 --> 01:17:25,135
till almost 10 o'clock. Yeah. If the hanger

2167
01:17:25,135 --> 01:17:26,814
was starting to creep in, and I just

2168
01:17:26,814 --> 01:17:30,274
didn't realize it. Because I was telling everybody

2169
01:17:30,655 --> 01:17:31,635
what I thought.

2170
01:17:32,015 --> 01:17:33,155
And that's Yeah.

2171
01:17:33,760 --> 01:17:36,500
I I usually reserve that energy for y'all.

2172
01:17:37,520 --> 01:17:40,000
I don't usually do that to my family.

2173
01:17:40,000 --> 01:17:42,639
It was bubbling over this morning. It was

2174
01:17:42,639 --> 01:17:44,659
bubbling over. Yep. No. Yep.

2175
01:17:46,444 --> 01:17:48,064
So anyway Mhmm.

2176
01:17:50,524 --> 01:17:53,244
We're good. We're crazed. It it's the good

2177
01:17:53,244 --> 01:17:54,064
kinda crazy.

2178
01:17:54,444 --> 01:17:56,844
It's the kinda crazy we tell ourselves every

2179
01:17:56,844 --> 01:17:59,484
year. We will be better prepared for this

2180
01:17:59,484 --> 01:18:01,449
next year. We are never, in fact, better

2181
01:18:01,449 --> 01:18:03,710
prepared for it. Never are. We never are.

2182
01:18:05,449 --> 01:18:07,770
The plan, the goal is to not have

2183
01:18:07,770 --> 01:18:10,429
to do work on Thursday for Thanksgiving. Yeah.

2184
01:18:10,889 --> 01:18:13,550
Happy Thanksgiving to those who celebrate. Mhmm.

2185
01:18:14,810 --> 01:18:15,310
But

2186
01:18:16,305 --> 01:18:17,984
at this point, I don't know. It might

2187
01:18:17,984 --> 01:18:19,904
still be midnight, and I'll be like, I

2188
01:18:19,904 --> 01:18:21,364
need to take another picture.

2189
01:18:21,824 --> 01:18:23,444
I gotta edit another picture.

2190
01:18:23,904 --> 01:18:25,444
I gotta post another thing.

2191
01:18:27,505 --> 01:18:28,064
Mhmm. So

2192
01:18:30,909 --> 01:18:33,069
And I have just been making, making, making.

2193
01:18:33,069 --> 01:18:35,229
I know. I know. And hopefully, people like

2194
01:18:35,229 --> 01:18:37,390
what we make. Yep. That's the the ultimate,

2195
01:18:37,390 --> 01:18:38,289
like, if you're

2196
01:18:38,670 --> 01:18:40,510
a person who's makes a thing and sells

2197
01:18:40,510 --> 01:18:41,170
it, that's

2198
01:18:42,965 --> 01:18:44,645
like, oh my god. I've I've we've spent

2199
01:18:44,645 --> 01:18:46,484
time and money on this. Will anybody like

2200
01:18:46,484 --> 01:18:46,984
this?

2201
01:18:47,284 --> 01:18:47,784
Mhmm.

2202
01:18:48,645 --> 01:18:50,404
And they can't all be winners y'all, and

2203
01:18:50,404 --> 01:18:52,984
we've had some duds. Yep. So

2204
01:18:53,364 --> 01:18:55,225
yeah. Mhmm. But

2205
01:18:56,484 --> 01:18:59,289
we're gonna stop doing this now. Yeah.

2206
01:18:59,750 --> 01:19:00,869
So we can go do that. We could

2207
01:19:00,949 --> 01:19:02,250
we gotta go back to work.

2208
01:19:02,710 --> 01:19:04,389
I'm also hot, so I need to get

2209
01:19:04,389 --> 01:19:06,309
out of the warm clothes I put on

2210
01:19:06,309 --> 01:19:07,770
because it was cold this morning.

2211
01:19:08,469 --> 01:19:11,349
Florida cold, y'all. Florida cold. Not actual cold.

2212
01:19:11,349 --> 01:19:11,849
Mhmm.

2213
01:19:12,725 --> 01:19:15,204
The dog is good. She's been a menace

2214
01:19:15,204 --> 01:19:17,524
today. This weather that we've had where it's

2215
01:19:17,524 --> 01:19:20,164
been actually chilly and very pleasant and even,

2216
01:19:20,164 --> 01:19:21,704
dare I say, cold for Florida,

2217
01:19:22,085 --> 01:19:24,425
she does not know how to act. No.

2218
01:19:24,564 --> 01:19:27,270
She goes in and out more often. If

2219
01:19:27,270 --> 01:19:29,430
I if she would use a doggy door,

2220
01:19:29,430 --> 01:19:30,949
we'd open the dog, and she's not gonna

2221
01:19:30,949 --> 01:19:32,250
use a doggy door. We've tried.

2222
01:19:32,630 --> 01:19:35,210
In and out, in and out all damn

2223
01:19:35,510 --> 01:19:38,149
day. Yeah. I'm like, girl, I just wanna

2224
01:19:38,149 --> 01:19:40,890
sit for a minute. Mhmm. Cats are menaces

2225
01:19:41,750 --> 01:19:43,944
as usual. Yep. So,

2226
01:19:44,324 --> 01:19:46,505
yeah. Same same but a different guy. Yep.

2227
01:19:47,444 --> 01:19:48,265
All is good.

2228
01:19:48,645 --> 01:19:51,685
So on that note, we're gonna Mhmm. We're

2229
01:19:51,685 --> 01:19:54,005
gonna go. So thanks for being here with

2230
01:19:54,005 --> 01:19:56,265
us. Yeah. Especially to the bitter end. Okay.

2231
01:19:58,039 --> 01:20:01,180
That's all we got. Mhmm. Okay. Okay. Bye.

2232
01:20:01,399 --> 01:20:01,899
Bye.