You're listening to the loving BDSM podcast episode
419.
A confused Kayla Lords here with the one,
the only, the what the fuck was that
John Brownstone?
I'll explain later. Okay. Good. He he cued
me in to start speaking weirdly, and and
I nope. Nope. Didn't know about that.
Anyway,
that's what we're here for.
This week, we asked Instagram to ask us
anything, and now we're gonna answer some of
those questions.
Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this
is your first time listening, glad to have
you. You're back for another week, welcome back.
Loving BDSM is produced every Monday Friday for
your kinky pleasure in education, and show notes
are found at lovingbdsm.net.
Come back often and feel free to add
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I will forever fucking hate, loving d s
and the number 1. So that's at loving
d s one. Or on YouTube at youtube.com/loving
BDSM where you can watch us livestream the
podcast every Wednesday. All links are in the
show notes. A big thanks as always
to our kinky patrons over on Patreon, including
our newest peeps. We are able to keep
being weirdos on the Internet, in large part
to our kinky community
on Patreon.
We are grateful for every fuck I wanna
be. If you'd like to join our kinky
community and get access to extra content and
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cool, super nice, super chill kinksters, you can
do that. Join us at patreon.com/kaylallords.
That's patreon.com/kaylallords
or use the link in the show notes.
Okay. Before we get into the
questions, a very simple announcement. It's literally the
same as last week. All of our Etsy
shops are on sale. There's sales through the
end of the year.
If you want some kinky stuff, the like
workbooks and coloring books and stickers and whatever,
loving BDSM Etsy shop. If you are a
reader and love little bookish things,
from stickers to tote bag tote bags to
whatever,
my Etsy shop book dreams. If you are
looking for gifts and you like wood and
you like things that are handmade,
JB's,
Etsy shop, the Wood Dom. Every everything's
on sale. Yep.
So
and that'll that'll keep being true. Next week,
the livestream will be right before Thanksgiving. We
will talk about Black Friday
deals, not just ours, but, like, places that
we're like, no. No. No. Really go check
them out.
We'll we'll do a little bit of that.
But, yeah, just for right now, we're sponsoring
us because I like to pay the mortgage.
Yeah. And and, actually,
I just
received and am now in possession of
a candle wax melter
so that I can make more candles
faster for the kinkery, and I'm so
excited.
So excited.
I don't have to do a double boiler
with a little pour thingy or manage to
make, like, 10 at a time. I I
hope it works as well for you as
as it did in the reel that I
saw it in. And I did try to
do my research and check yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
I know. Anyway, anyway,
we're gonna answer questions.
So over on Instagram, I basically said ask
us anything,
and people did. Uh-oh.
Okay. So we did get a lot. We're
not gonna be able to answer them all.
So
not even gonna try, but let's see what
we can get through. And so these questions
tend to be about just about kink in
general, but some of them are specific to
us. So we'll just we'll just do the
thing.
What actually goes into planning a scene and
how do you do it?
Well,
you plan the scene. You think about what
you wanna do. You think about you have
to know what your options are though. True.
You gotta, like, do what you can do.
You you have to know the person that
you're you're impacting.
Yeah.
Yes. If if impact play is what you
wanna do. Right. Really does it also starts
with, well, what do you like to do?
What do you wanna try? What have you
done before?
What is interesting to you?
Then, yeah, what is your partner like? Right.
Or not like? What are y'all's mutual kinks?
Mhmm. Does it require
equipment?
Can you do it with stuff around your
house or your hand? Spanking scenes are kind
of the easiest, assuming you have a hand.
You're good. Mhmm.
But, yeah, the planning of it. Yeah. I
mean, the the planning I mean, you can
make a scene as as simple or as
elaborate Right. As you want.
Okay?
You know,
I
was at the woodshed
one night and there was an older couple
on one of the spanking benches, and he
was just
for about half hour, 45 minutes, just, like,
lightly flogging her. Mhmm. And and they were
having a blast. And I think that's where
people get themselves messed up. Scene implies, role
play implies, theatrics.
Yeah, you can. You can get real real,
like, intricate. You could have dialogue.
Not my jam, but go for it. But
really, it's the kink thing you're doing together.
Right. I mean, then then another time I
was there, there was a dom, he was
dressed up as a,
circus ringmaster.
And his
partner
was dressed as a unicorn.
Oh my God, that's so funny.
Kingsters are creative fuckers, is all I'm saying.
Yep. Very creative. Yep. And and, you know,
yeah, you you you need you need to
think about about the thing, and I I
I think one of the big things that's
overlooked a lot
in, plan planning, any scene are the expectations.
What are your expectations? What are your partner's
expectations? Trying to get out of it? Right.
Right. Yeah. What do you wanna experience?
Mhmm. And that go that's goes beyond the
logistics
of I want you to spank me with
your hand. I want you to use a
flogger. I want blah blah blah. It's I
want to feel this way. I want to
experience this sensation.
I'm looking for stress relief. I'm looking for
orgasms.
I'm looking for denial. I'm looking for pain.
Like, what are you looking for? I mean,
you know, there there were times, even with
you, you know, you wanted to be
spanked until you cried Yeah. Because you needed
that release. And other times, you just wanted
to be spanked just to kinda, you know,
let go and float. I want the deep
tissue massage kind of impact Yeah. So I
can just melt. That's what that's what I'm
craving right now. Mhmm. But it scene planning
starts
like,
it's the very first step is figuring out
what you're curious about or into. Lola
agrees. Agrees. Okay. Yeah.
But, yeah, I I do think people make
it more complicated than it is. Yeah. And
it can be complex, and there's nothing wrong
with that. Mhmm. But if you've never seen
before in your life, just pick a kink
activity that you either know you like or
you would like to try to see if
you like
that,
is compatible with a partner.
And then part of part of scene planning
is you gotta go learn how to do
kinks, though. Like, you gotta have been watching
videos, going to workshops, doing demos, reading books,
listening to podcasts, like, whatever. However you learn,
you have to go do that part first.
Some are easy. Spanking a person, hand, ass,
kinda done.
But flogging, that's there's some technique to that.
I'm thinking of Rah Rah here at needle
play. Please don't go try that till you've
learned from somebody who knows what they're doing.
Right? So
Yeah. True.
Okay. Next question. Okay.
What is our current coffee order
when we're ordering?
Like, when we're out in public and we're
getting coffee. I I've been
leaning towards,
cold brew.
Mhmm. We've been,
hitting Dunkin'
A lot. A lot, fairly regularly when we
when we do go out for coffee right
now. And,
I've kinda taken a liking with their with
their cold brew and, you know, a little
cream in there and
some mocha syrup. The yes. No. Not yesterday.
A few days ago, we we got Dunkin',
and you got the peppermint
mocha cold brew with sweet cold foam on
top. And that was very good. Mhmm. Yeah.
You were making noises as you were drinking
it when we were going down the road.
I I was having cough cough orgasm. I
mean, I'm not, you know yeah. I'm not
gonna I'm not gonna hide it.
You were having a moment. You were having
a moment.
My current coffee order so I prefer cold
brew as well,
but I'm a broke bitch, so it's usually
Dunkin' iced coffee.
And so then it's iced coffee with cream,
and right now, pumpkin
syrup or whatever swirl, whatever they call it.
When that goes away, I'll go back to
butter pecan. Like, the day Dunkin' added butter
pecan
as a sweet flavor to their, like, steady
menu,
I'm so happy. But, yeah, if there's extra
cash, then I'm gonna get cold brew. Or
if I've got points, I'll get a cold
brew. And no I there's only really one
place I like to get espresso drinks from,
and that's a really special treat. It's a
local place.
And if we go in, even when we
don't get the, like, the biggest size, it's
still a $15 order between the 2 of
us. Oh, yeah. So it's a very
infrequent treat. And it's the only place I
wanna get espresso drink from. But they the
the their coffee is Mhmm. Mhmm. Mhmm. Yep.
Wonderful. Yep. Mhmm. But, yeah, we're we're kinda
simple these days. Yeah.
And that's okay. We don't really get a
lot of coffee out right now. Not right.
We haven't for a while. I've,
I
I,
in mass quantities, make cold brew at home.
So much. Sometimes the fridge is just like
On top of the fridge. Yeah. I can
feel a sneeze coming on. I am so
sorry. That's gonna hit right when I least
expect it. That's not helpful. Okay.
What are both of our favorite adult toys
currently?
I would have to say,
for me,
probably the the WeVibe bond.
That's prostate massager. Right? No. No. Is it
cock ring? That's the that's the cock ring.
Okay.
The vector. Vector is the prostate. Is the
is the prostate. Yeah.
But the cock ring is your is it
a vibrating one? Yes. Are you able to
feel the vibrates? Oh, yeah. Okay.
I mean, I guess I shouldn't have had
to ask that because if I knew if
it was being used on me or with
me, I would have known that. So clearly,
he can feel whatever vibrations.
That that's it for you. I don't currently
have a favorite. I did just,
try 2
vibrators. 1 from WeVibe, 1 from Womanizer.
Different styles than they usually have, which is
very exciting.
I have things I like and dislike about
both, but I have not played with sex
toys prior to these 2
in
a very long time. Minute for you. Yeah.
In probably a year or more.
So I don't currently have a favorite. Now
if we're gonna talk about kink toys,
I don't
other than the kinkery, I don't have
a specific one specific toy, but I have
a specific type. Like, floggers that have, like,
the suede or the soft leather
strands,
are is my favorite. Yeah.
Yeah.
If you ever learned how to make a
flogger, I would be like, oh my god.
Oh my god.
Oh my god. I would not be able
to be contained.
Okay. And next question. Okay. I, switch male,
wanna wear a chastity cage. How do I
bring it up to my partner, switch female?
Both switches.
Talk to them?
You know, I think it depends on how
your dynamic is. You and I negotiate openly
all the time. If one of us has
a thought, we just say it. Yeah. Other
folks might have, like, something more structured. So
if you have that structured time, like, set
it up.
Right. You know, but, yeah, you you you're
gonna have to talk about it one way
or another. You you're gonna have to let
it be known, you know, that this is
what you want.
You know, and and, you know, don't go
in all hot, like, put the zombie, lock
me up. Right. Right. You know,
kind of ease into it, you know, maybe
like,
hey, have you ever heard about, male chastity
devices? Like, what do you think about chastity
cages? What do you think about being a
key holder? Yeah. Yeah. And that's the other
thing. Make sure you're clear on what you're
asking for
your partner to do and to participate.
Do you just want them to know that
you're doing it, and so,
you know,
your junk won't be as accessible? Do you
want them to literally be the key holder
and in charge of when this thing comes
off or gets put back on? Like, think
very clearly about what you're looking for, and
then the conversation
needs to be that negotiation between here's what
my ideal world looks like, and then your
partner gets the opportunity to go, okay. I
don't wanna do that, but I could do
this. We could try that. Blah blah blah.
And then if they're not interested in participating,
I know plenty
of,
people who will just wear a a cock
cage because they like wearing it. They like
the denial for themselves.
So that would always be an option if
your partner's not really down for, you know,
managing your penis for you. Okay?
I mean, if they are down for it,
cool. Have fun. But yeah.
Okay.
I'm not sure I understand exactly what they're
asking for here, so maybe you will and
maybe if I say it out loud, I'll
go, oh, I know what they mean now.
The question is, do you use alter egos?
I find them useful, but at the same
time, it gives me confusion
and even competition inside.
So, like Okay.
Yeah. I do. Okay.
Like, I I know this
mistress.
Okay?
She has
her mistress persona. Mhmm. But then,
she has an alter ego Mhmm. That is
a male persona. Oh, wow. Okay. Okay. So
I I I think that's kinda where they're
Okay. Where they're in the parking. In my
everyday life, I'm legal name. In my kink
life,
I'm,
you know, a little bit different than my
everyday life. Yeah. I mean that that's a
simplistic way of looking at it. You know,
yeah. We we have our vanilla lives and
our alter ego or or, you know, whichever
vice
versa. But, you know, yeah. I I think
I believe that's what they're
they're coming at.
We no. We've never really done any kind
of play like that. No. And I don't
I don't internalize it that way. The the
name Kayla Lords is a pseudonym, and it
has become my kink name, but it's just
another
it's the the kink side of myself, not
an alter ego that I internalize in any
sort of way. Mhmm. Where I don't
that it's not is not the same thing,
but that is too close to role play
for me because now I gotta be somebody.
And that's and that's the thing with you.
Yeah. That That's never gonna happen. For you,
the role play is just not ever gonna
happen. No. No. Oh my god. No. No.
Whatever the opposite of a kink or fetish
is, that. It's a that.
It's a that for me. That's a hard
limit for you. Oh, my god. It gives
me a feeling. I don't like it.
But, you know, the So you were never
a theater kid? Oh, god. No. Oh, god.
No.
No. No. No. No. No. No. I was
a band kid who happened to play an
instrument that put me 3 rows back.
And
marching band kid with a helmet hat thing
on where you could barely see my face.
Oh, no. Oh, no. No. Not a theater
kid. Anyway,
you know, I
if the idea of an alter ego is
no longer helpful to you,
is it something that you can put aside,
put down, give a rest for a while?
Because if if that alter ego
is creating something within you where you you
were literally, like,
your own internal world is, like,
I I feel competitive. I feel I don't
feel good about myself.
I I don't
is it helpful anymore to do? And I
I could never
answer that for anybody, but it does make
sense that you will have alter egos
because sometimes you have things you wanna do
that can seem so,
you know, far apart from one another. You
just create,
you know, a different persona for each one,
and I respect that. I just
definitely not my thing. I'm here.
We're gonna let
JB bring Lola back in.
She's been very vocal today. I don't
I didn't I won't have to edit out
as much in Monday's episode as I thought
I would, but you hear Lola in that
one too.
Okay.
What are some good first steps for someone
new to kink to explore if they're single?
There's as many first steps, potential
Yeah. Opportunities as there are, like,
things on planet Earth so that I I
for me, I would I think I would
have to say for someone who's single and
and fairly new to kink,
learn.
In whatever way you like to learn. Whatever
way you like to learn,
whatever you think you might be interested in,
even in some things you you may not
be interested in, you may just explore them
to find, you know, whether you like them
or or you don't. But learn learn everything
you can about what you can. Yep. I
mean, there's nothing wrong with by yourself, single
single kinkster,
taking the, doing a BDSM checklist by yourself.
They're geared often towards
But they don't like, you use them on
your own and then their conversation starts. So
go through a list and go Yep. I
don't even know what that is. So maybe
that means you're just not worried about learning
about it now.
Maybe you're like, oh, then I'm gonna add
that to my research list. Right? Like, do
that. Yep.
Yeah. If you're a video watcher,
YouTube is they're kinksters aren't there. If you're
a podcast listener, if you're a reader
Mhmm. Like, what whatever
If if if you're lucky enough, if you
live in an area where there are workshops
or or, you know, different things like that,
those are fantastic to attend.
A lot of times you can,
you know, actually do some hands on. Right.
Because the more you learn about what you're
into and how things can can be done,
then that gives you a direction for exploring
beyond the theoretical
and into the physical Mhmm. In whatever way
that might work for you. But, yeah, the
there's no bad time to learn about kink
if you're into it and interested.
But when you are single and you're not
actively looking for a partner, this is a
great time. Just just focus on you Yep.
And what you're into and how other people
are doing things and take in what resonates
and reject the stuff that doesn't. And,
you know, that means, ideally, by the time
you're either ready to meet somebody or you
just happen to meet somebody,
you are able to talk about your boundaries,
your wants, your needs, your things you're curious
about, and and you're
more
educated on it. And so it's
harder,
not impossible, but harder
for, you know, predatory bullshit
because you're aware. Mhmm.
I think this is a long distance question
because it says, as a Dom, that is
far I'm gonna go with away.
How do I help my sub with sub
drop?
That's that's kind of tough, especially
if you're in different time zones.
You plan for it though. But you but
you plan. Yeah. I mean, we were in
different time zones and and that's what we
did. We we planned for it And we
were lucky enough that we were able to
plan for it, and that we were able
to create a a pretty
set schedule that we could, you know, reach
out to one another.
You know, as far as helping them with
with, SubDrop,
you know,
be be open to text messaging or phone
calls.
Yep.
Or face to FaceTime or whatever your version
is. FaceTime or Zoom, any
You know, I've a lot of people want
to fix or prevent drop for dom or
sub completely. Mhmm. I've I've never heard of
a thing that sounds valid that could actually
prevent it. Yeah. All you can kind of
do is mitigate it. So part of that
is knowing that it's a possibility.
The very beginning, I was shocked the few
times I went through drop because I did
until I understood what was happening. I was
like, what is wrong with me? So you
have to have an understanding that it can
happen.
If you've already experienced it before, your partner
already experienced it before,
1, it can feel different each time. But
2, how like, is it an emotional thing
or is it a physical thing or is
it both? Because
what you prepare for
is determined by how you typically
experience
drop. I have gotten it all 3. It's
been an emotional drop. It's been a physical
drop. It's been a both. And I thought
I was losing my mind that time because
I was like, I am both sad and
I have the flu. What is happening? It's
kind if you don't know what it is,
it's Right. Kinda like what's going on. You
know, this is a little scary. We know
it just came on so quick. So then
you have to think about comfort items. What
comforts me when I'm sad? What what makes
me feel better when my body doesn't feel
good? And you you try you do your
best to plan so you have the things
you need that will help you feel good.
As a partner helping your partner through drop
from a distance, it's it's connection. It's talking
about it. It's
you and I did this many times and
it wasn't even through drop.
We would be on the phone or connected
in some way. We were just breathing to
one another. I wasn't even neither of us
was talking, but we were existing there at
the same time. And that can be comforting.
So,
you know, the ideally, you talk about it
out outside of it happening. Like, especially if
you know that a possibility
and you've gotten you know, you or your
partner have gone through it, you talk about
what did it feel like, what do you
think would be helpful, what can we plan
for,
and then all that is gonna do is
is
make it feel maybe a little less shitty
until it passes. Yeah.
But, yeah, that's kind of the sort of
the best I've ever heard or found that
you can do. Mhmm.
So
next question. These are kinda going quick, so
this is interesting.
I
I'm gonna read the question, but that's not
actually the question I wanna answer and wait
till you hear.
Where would you recommend that beginner subs,
newbie baby subs,
start finding a dom?
Where where should baby subs go to find
themselves a dom?
Can I be a bitch?
Baby subs? I'm so happy that you've figured
submissive. The first thing I want you to
do is not go find a dog. I
don't want that to be the thing you
do as a newbie baby sub.
It's not. I want you to go learn
something. I want you to do a BDSM
checklist.
I want you to figure your shit out.
Right. A little bit. Now, you don't have
to know everything, but a little bit. Enough
that you
will be safe on, you know Oh, my
god, please. Understand
some of the things that you like,
understand things you don't like, know what your
boundaries and hard limits are. Right. And then
the dissatisfying answer to the actual question being
asked, wherever people are, there are kinky people.
So are you do you wanna meet somebody
online? Do you wanna meet them in person?
In person,
find in person community. Go to a much.
You know? Get get involved with the local
community
if you feel comfortable doing that.
If that's not an option for you or
that's not what you wanna do, then you
go online
and you really can find kinksters everywhere. Mhmm.
They're harder to find on non kink spaces,
on in non kink spaces, but they're there.
You can go to FetLife, but that's another
reason I don't I don't want beginner baby
subs worried about finding a dom. Because you
go to FetLife and you don't know any
better, it is very easy for the predators
to be like, oh, look, fresh meat.
But, yeah, it
people want there to be this magic place
where, like, all the doms are housed waiting
to be found by single subs, or all
the subs live waiting to be found by,
you know, dom
no. Wherever people are, that's where kinky people
are. If you're gonna try and find a
part a kink partner in a non kink
space, you have to be very intentional
and you have to, you know, put out
the signals and signs
that, hey. I am kinky looking for a
kinky partner.
Or you go to kink spaces, and I
want you to be a little bit more
educated about how to navigate kink before you
worry about getting a partner, especially in those
spaces.
Yeah.
Lecture over.
Some of these questions kind of relate to
one another and had I been a better
planner, I could have put them all together.
So we've answered this before. We've answered many
of these before. That's okay. This one is
similar to our one of our top questions.
But how do you come up with ideas
for
scenes or new kinks or things you wanna
try?
It's kind of the same way as anything
else. What is interesting?
Right.
That's where
being in on, kink spaces, online or in
person, is so valuable because you will see
somebody
talking about something or doing something and you'll
go, oh,
I didn't even know that thing existed.
And if it resonates with you, you'll be
like, oh, maybe I should go learn more.
Maybe I need to do some googling. Maybe
I need to go to a workshop. And
then the the ideas can start to flow
because you're being inspired by
the very real experiences
around you.
But, yeah, it it's more of
a going to learn about the things that
kind of interest you and seeing
so
we could say spanking. We could say impact
play. We could say paddles. We're unpicking impact
play because that's our
fave. That that one word or that little
phrase impact play means about
50, 11000000 things. Right? Yeah. So
a thing that sounds interesting to you will
conjure up probably one image in your head
when you're new and and haven't, you know,
learned about something yet. And you'll go, oh,
yeah. Maybe I'm kind of into that, but
then you'll start learning.
Videos, podcasts,
works like, whatever, online education, like, however you're
gonna learn. And you'll go, oh, this topic
is clearly deeper
than I knew it was, and now
you have almost an infinite number of ways
to explore that thing you thought of in
one turn. So the more you go learn
and experience and witness and hear from and
talk to people about what they're doing, the
more you're inspired,
the more you go, oh, that's a thing
I never heard of. That kind of intrigues
me. Let me go learn. Let me go
try. And next thing you know, you've got
a a new king to try, a new
scene to try. Mhmm.
Mhmm. Mhmm.
It's the very,
boring but
Yeah. I I knew. Kind of like the
answer. You know? It's why, you know, man,
I I can feel the eye rolls from
some folks when we talk about
community and and why we think community is
so important. There's many reasons community in whatever
form you have it in is important, but
the seeing all the ways that things can
be done Mhmm. Is huge. Yeah.
Anything you would add? Nope.
Mm-mm.
Okay.
This will be the last one from this
collection, and this has gone so quick that
I think we'll be able to take some
from the live stream
Okay.
Audience. So that'll be fun. How do I
approach kink with a spouse that does not
understand it? Carefully? Yeah. Yeah. Carefully. You know,
unfortunately,
I mean, you can you can if if
it's a matter of not understanding,
you know, you you can give them
articles to read, blog, you know, blog posts,
books, anything like that,
you know, that you can,
that that you can do to help, you
know, gain some understanding.
Now if it's just a matter of the
fact that you're kinky,
and
they don't understand it and don't want it,
you know, then, unfortunately, there's nothing you can
do. You can't make your partner want to
be kinky for you or want to try
it. You can create an environment where
they
can decide for themselves that they maybe become
more comfortable with the idea
over time. Slowly, they're willing to maybe look
into it. Maybe they're willing to look into
it just enough to support your interest. It
does depend a lot on what kind of
relationship you have with your spouse. If it's
a contentious one where they don't usually like
the things you like or if it's something
they dislike or don't know about, it's like
they shut down and shut it off, and
they're just really not interested. If anything,
then that's gonna translate to kink if they're
not into it. Right. Now I I know
for me early on,
you know, obviously, coming into the the, lifestyle,
I there were a lot of things I
did not know,
a lot of things I didn't understand.
And what helped me was
attending a munch,
and meeting folks,
and and just talking to them. They them
telling me about their experiences, how
how
kink impacts them, what kink does for them.
And and that was a big help for
me, big thing that helped me, you know,
understand a lot of things that that I
did not
know anything about.
Yeah. I mean, but it that's from your
perspective as the one who was interested in
it and had to explore. Yeah. We you
and I have and I think you've even
said it on this,
podcast before.
Your previous spouse
had a very
distinct and unpleasant re reaction and response, and
so there was
no real room to navigate that. No. That
got shut down.
If you said it, I am so sorry
because
the the brain just fuzzed out for a
few minutes. There's, like, some light noise in
my head.
If you're gonna talk about it with your
partner and you don't know how they feel
about kink. Right? Like, you don't you know
that maybe they're not
into it in the sense of they did
not approach you with kink, but you don't
know their deep down opinion about it? Start
with hypotheticals.
Mhmm. Have you heard of? What do you
think about?
Have you know?
The it that gives you at least a
place to start with of Yes. What their
reaction might be.
But also think very honestly
about
your current relationship and how y'all communicate. Okay?
Because telling somebody
you're kinky and you wanna try x y
z
is a moment for vulnerability.
Okay? You are you're bearing a part of
your soul to your partner. And if they
are not the type,
if you're very honest with yourself and you
think back about all the other times you've
had to be vulnerable with one another, if
they are not
a safe place for you, if they are
not
typically open minded enough to at least listen,
even if they ultimately don't like it, if
they do not typically
support the things that you're into, even if
they themselves are not into it,
I'm just gonna say don't expect a different
reaction than that. Yeah. If they're mostly
open with you and, like, happy to support
you even if it's not their thing
or willing to listen to stuff that they
don't wanna do but you're curious about, that's
at least a starting point. That's that's a
basis for the conversations.
But I see too many people who are
like, I'm into this thing. I think it'll
make our relationship better. And then they just
decide their partners are completely different people than
they actually are.
And then they're shocked when it did not
go well. I think the other thing is
is you can't push.
You've gotta be open to the fact that
your partner may go, I am not into
that, or I'm not interested, or I don't
or I don't
have time for this, or this makes me
uncomfortable. You've gotta be okay with hearing that.
It doesn't mean it's gonna be easy to
hear. No. But you got you cannot push.
If you push too hard, come across too
forceful or aggressive, it is very easy to
push somebody
so far. They're like, I don't even let's
not even fucking talk about this anymore.
You know, you've gotta create the space for,
I've said the thing. I'm into it. I'm
gonna do my own research. I'm gonna go
learn. Maybe you go to a munch.
And they just know that you're not pushing
it, but but they know that if they
had a question, they could ask you. Mhmm.
And,
I mean, sometimes it's a little bit of
just being exposed to
it to see that, oh, wait. Now I'm
kinda curious or wait. I'm seeing you be
more confident, be happier. I wanna, you know,
I'm a supportive partner and I wanna be
a part of that. But that's a long
term thing, especially
if you don't know how they feel about
kink. Mhmm. Or if you know that they
don't want it for themselves, but you're fortunate
enough that they're supportive
of you wanting it. Yeah.
So
Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So those are the questions
that I was willing for us to answer
from Instagram. Some questions. Nope. Nope. Nope.
Nope.
So Wow. During the Nope. I'll show up
to you. Nope.
During the webinar in the live stream, podcast
listeners, you're time traveling.
If you would like to ask us anything,
you can do that in the live stream.
What I need you to do is to
please tag us. So as you ask your
question, do at loving BDSM. It lights up
for us. Do not spam
the the live chat. You will get put
in a time out. Mhmm. Also, if your
question is longer than the character limit
of a single message in live chat, it's
it's probably too much for this space. So
if anybody's got questions,
feel free.
Any thoughts, feelings about anything else we've talked
about in general?
Not really.
I,
not in this
forum venue, whatever, but in other spaces.
I could tell
both long term listeners,
watchers, like, subscribers, however you wanna,
put that, but also just people who've been
in kink for a while. Because
one of the more common
complaints is too strong, but,
you know, we'll go with complaints because I
can't think of a better word, is that
we, you and I, get asked the same
questions over and over again.
And so then it starts to feel,
repetitive.
And, you know, you're you're you're right. If
you were experienced or you've been around here,
like, the whole fucking time,
yes, we do get asked a lot of,
questions over and over again because
people are entering the kink world at their
own time and their own pace, and not
everybody will go listen to your back catalog
nor lord, we're on episode 419.
I would never expect a soul to do
that.
But, you know, a lot of the the
things people wanna know
are
fairly common. You know? How do I meet
somebody? How do I plan a scene? How
do I learn about something? God help us.
How do I talk to a partner I
don't know is kinky? Right? And so, yeah,
we're gonna answer those
over and over again. Question,
is there ever a way to ask your
daddy for a collar or to just say
how important it is for a submissive?
Yes. You ask.
Now the structure of that is gonna be
dependent upon how y'all communicate. Yeah.
If you have any previous
expectations, rules, whatever in place for how,
you know, you as a sub approach your
partner, how you ask for things. We are
very casual. If I did not have a
collar and I wanted one, I would find
an appropriate time. It wouldn't be while, you
know, we were cooking dinner. It would probably
be at a quiet time when he could
focus on me. But I would just say,
hey, daddy. I I really would love a
collar. Like, do you know anything about them?
You know, can I tell you what I've
learned?
You know, whatever. If you are more structured,
then you're gonna have to work within the
structure that you have. But there should be
nothing wrong with going,
I've learned about collars, and I think they're
great. And can I share with you? And
I would really like one, and then go
from there. And and, again, the the whole
thing, the coloring can be as simple or
as elaborate.
Mhmm.
I actually don't even wear my collar all
the time. I mean, it was never all
the time. My current iteration of my collar
I've had for several years now from elegantly
owned, our friend Taye Shoe, Etsy, elegantly owned,
beautiful collars.
I never could wear it at night because
I have a
anxiety, claustrophobia,
sensory thing that if something is touching my
neck, I cannot sleep. I feel like I'm
choking even if I'm not.
But I don't we got out of the
habit,
which is something for us to talk about
in the between us and the future, of
me actually putting it on every day. It
doesn't make me wanna call her any less
important to me. It's just not
we don't currently have the ritual in place
to put it on every day.
Would I be okay if we sat down
together and went, hey. Can we get back
that if I was thinking like, I'm thinking
about it now because you asked about callers.
If I was thinking about it, I could
go to him and go, hey. We don't
do this anymore. What and I I don't
demand, even though I might be I clearly
know what I want.
I'm I'm the type of will be sassy
about it. I will be direct. I will
be assertive as we discussed last week.
But I tend to ask questions. What do
you think about? You know? I was thinking
about this. What do you think? That's how
I approach because I know I can, and
he's receptive to that. But, yeah, part of,
part of that is what is your communication
style? You know? If y'all have never set
up anything specific about how y'all communicate, then
to me, until you do, communication is wide
open. When is the
a good time? Like, there's also the,
method of, hey. I would like to talk
to you about something. When will be a
good time to have your
attention and your time and attention? Right? Because
when it's serious stuff or stuff that's meaningful
to you, you it's not always great to,
like, slip it in between the,
you know,
my boss is a jerk and traffic sucked.
Right? You know, that
but, yeah, there's nothing wrong with asking.
Nothing at all.
Let's see.
How would you recommend starting a kinky community
in a place that doesn't seem to have
1?
From the ground up. It's not
helpful. It's not helpful.
I I think in
in starting
a community,
one of the first things you need to
do is to have a place to hold
the venue. And a place to tell people
about it? Yeah. Yep.
You know,
Yeah. Find finding a venue, you know, in
some areas, it's it's easy. Mhmm. You know?
Other areas,
not so much. Depends.
You know?
Now there was the the one month used
to attend years ago, West Pasco,
the place it was held at, they knew
what we were there for and what we
were doing. They Yeah. Yeah. They
no qualms about it. And but but they
then also understood the importance of giving us
a space that was private or semi private.
We had a private space in the back
anyway. Yes. Mhmm.
So, you know, that that's that's important too.
You know, is it some place where you
where it can be semi private or or
private?
Because, you know,
you you don't want to,
you know
if if if you're in a munch and
you're you're talking about kink, you know, you
don't want
other people.
Right. Munches can be held anywhere Right. In
any space that allows for public gathering, but
common spaces can be restaurants
Yeah. Bars. Because that's not my personal favorite,
but but Coffee shops. Coffee shops,
cafes.
Mhmm. Typically,
stereotypically, I should say, they're held in places
where people can eat and or drink. Yeah.
The reason I get cringey about bars is
because you don't know who can hold their
alcohol and you don't know what they might
be screaming in the middle of a bar
that you didn't necessarily want the attention on
you or your group. That's that's my personal
with bars, but they can be held there.
People do hold them there. Sometimes you get,
like, less weird looks from a space like
a bar.
When you're first starting out, unless you already
know you have, like, 10 people in your
life who are like, please, let's get together.
You don't
have
to be in a private space.
I knew much that got started after we
moved here,
started out with 2 tables pushed together in
a restaurant. We the time was set for
when that restaurant was less busy. K?
And then everybody understood we were literally sitting
in the middle of a restaurant, but the
rules kind of on the munch were like,
hey. We're at a restaurant. It's not a
private space. Act accordingly. This is vanilla friendly
location. Mhmm.
Once you establish a group or you outgrow
that space,
then it's time to start looking for places
where you have private or semi private space.
Some
whether you tell them you're kinky or not
depends on you, your community,
how well you know you know, if you
know the people you're talking to, whatever.
But venues
love to know
that they can expect once a month, once
a week, once or whatever,
a group of 20, 30, 40, 50 people
Mhmm. Many of whom will probably buy something.
Right?
That can be the sell once it gets
a little bit bigger if you're gonna be
in, like, a restaurant or a cafe or
whatever.
Now
picking your place is, like, half of it.
You gotta tell people that you gotta munch.
Mhmm.
The easiest
and
I don't know. Is it the best? Maybe.
The easiest is fat life. Yeah. Because you
can create an event. You can create a
community. You can
kinda tag the geographic
location
so people who were searching for events in
that area can hopefully find it.
But you gotta let people know that there's
a munch. Right?
But then you also have to expect that
unless you already have a bunch of people
who've been talking to you about this and
are like, yeah. We're down for it.
Your first several months, you might have 1
or 2 people that show up. You know?
It can take a while in some places
to grow that.
We had a recent q and a from
somebody who was like, I have been working
on this for months and I get, you
know, maybe one person comes.
And that's kind of the nature of it
as well.
So
anything else you would add to that?
Okay.
I see our name. Let me know.
Let's see.
Newbie question. How do I behave myself
if I run into an ex at a
munch?
I'm not I'm not that's not
It depends
Mhmm. On how
they became your ex. Yeah. If it was
contentious,
if it was traumatic for anybody, if it
was
anything less than amicable
and,
mature,
you have to decide if you feel comfortable
staying in that space or if you
I hate this because it is usually the
mature human being who knows how to act
in public, who has to be the one
to decide,
maybe I should remove myself
because this isn't gonna this is not gonna
end well. Right? But also, if you don't
feel safe, you may need to remove yourself.
If we're talking about it's just gonna be
awkward,
everybody handles it differently. But this question is
sometimes asked of what if I see my
coworker?
Some people prefer to pretend they
don't know you, didn't see you stay on
opposite sides of the room,
and there's nothing wrong with that.
Some
are willing to go, hey,
haven't seen you in a while. How are
you? And see what happens.
But I think it does come down to
the nature of how how did that how
did they become your ex. Right?
If it's if it was calm, cool, collected,
maybe, you know, hurt feelings, of course,
then I don't think you have to do
anything No. Really. But if it was contentious,
if there's still some, like, really negative
feelings or reactions to one another,
you know,
it it depends. It really does.
But if your safety is ever a question,
your comfort,
I I hate that this is true, but
you may need to be the one to
remove yourself because you can't make them do
shit. You know?
But
True. True.
Mhmm. Yep. Yep. You don't have to claim
your ex. You know, you don't have to
if you see somebody you know in any
munch, if you see somebody you know and
you did not know they were kinky and
they did not know you were kinky,
you can absolutely act like you didn't see
them. Right?
But and you don't have to tell anybody
you you dated them, fucked them, whatever them,
if you don't want to. But how are
they going to behave is really
the question.
And that will determine everything else that comes
after, I guess. Mhmm. Mhmm.
Okay.
So
that's all the questions we've had so far.
We have a few more minutes. If anybody
wants to,
in the livestream, wants to, ask a question,
please tag us. Please tag us. It does
light up, and we
really do see it. Yep.
Yeah. I I think in some ways, in
some circumstances,
we as kingsters
overcomplicate
some situations. We think that they are inherently
more
complex because it's kink, and a lot of
times it's just a human thing. Rara was
talking about with the munch. Well, if you
plan a munch and you host a munch,
your work has only begun because at the
munch, now you gotta work. Right? You gotta
talk to people, and you gotta be helpful
and social. However, if you know that's not
your skill, can you partner up with somebody?
Right. I was gonna say, I I know
the 1 munch here, there are a couple
people. The one person does all the admin,
you know, the posting and and, you know,
time and setting up the the location and
someone else who is a
sexual butterfly social butterflies.
Oh, yeah.
They they are in charge of, you know,
greeting people and, you know, making new people
feel welcome. They're the one person welcoming committee.
Yeah. They they clock a new person really
quickly Mhmm. And then talk to them and
get to know them and help them feel
welcome. And then if they
kinda figure out a little bit of their
interest or kinda what they're into, if if
that's a conversation that occurs, that person is
really good. I could never do this. They're
so good at this. They know enough people.
They're like, oh,
I want you to meet so and so,
and then they make the introductions between new
person and established people Yep. And get them
to talk to one another. Now
they
understand who they're talking to,
so they or about, so they will sometimes
know that that person's not open to that,
or they'll know, let me go check and
ask, but they do the work of partnering
and pairing people up so the new person
tends to have somebody to talk to beyond
just our our social butterfly. Mhmm. I I
love watching it. It's like it's amazing to
watch. You couldn't pay me enough to do
it. The thing the thing But it's fun
to watch. The thing that amazes me
with her is
there can be 30, 40 people there,
and she will know everybody's name. She's so
good.
Look. You don't have to be that way,
and you don't have to know somebody who's
that way. But because especially if it's new,
you've never done this before. You're gonna learn
as go. But that's the kind of thing
you need to be working towards and looking
for and who can help you with that
and who's willing to help you with that
if that's not you. Like, if we ever
did something like that, I'm gonna plan it.
It's gonna I'm I'm gonna coordinate.
And then I'm gonna be like, hey, JB.
You go have fun. I'm a sit over
here at the corner. Bring anybody who needs
to talk to me. Toomey,
go be our social guy.
That's Yep. That's how we're structured. Okay.
Next question.
What are our favorite episodes of the the
podcast that we've done?
I can hardly remember all the topics. I
know. I know. You know, it was 400
and some
plus all the other many
stuff we've done on the side. It it's
hard to say. I I don't really know.
I I can't think of specific
back up. I can't think of all the
times this has occurred. It's top of mind
because it occurred last week.
I like talking about, from, in my case,
submission
in ways that
are beyond the here's what a sub is.
Talking about assertive submissives. Talking about,
god. We did another thing on on submission.
And I was like, this
is this is a a direction of the
conversation that does not you know, anything that
breaks down a stereotype of what it means
to be a submissive, I fucking love talking
about that because
there's always at least one person who was
shocked by the revelation. Either that it's okay
that they are like that
or that there are submissives out there they
might come across who are like that. Like,
I fucking love that.
The other favorite episodes of mine are
is I do not ever plan to go
on a rant.
I do not ever
assume that I will rant.
But,
man,
a good
rant, that's just that's just cleansing. Like, that's
I work through some stuff when I go
home. Yeah. Right? Yep.
Yep.
Anything we've talked about where somebody goes, oh
my god. I thought I was the only
one. And they realize they're not the only
one. I I I think to me,
I I was thinking, you know, while you
were talking, I was thinking about it. I
I think for me,
a a favorite episode is when somebody reaches
out and says, you know, what you talked
about, what you were saying, it helped.
Yes. Oh, my god. I mean, that that
that's a wonderful thing. And, you know, to
to say have any one specific
episode, no, I really don't. But, you know,
when when people reach out about an episode
and it it helped them, it spoke to
them in some way, you know, that's
Yeah. It's,
419
episodes,
all the minis.
Mhmm.
And then anything we just did a video
about that we didn't do a podcast about,
it
it comes into your brain. You give it
the focus and concentration you can while you're
talking about it, and then you have to
let it go because I don't have enough
filing cabinets in my brain to hold that.
But what that means is I'll think I
have come up with an excellent idea. How
can we not talk about it? And then
I'll go to the archives. I'm like, oh,
we we have already talked about this
3 times.
Here's all the instances.
There's a downside to that.
JB, do you have any methods for resetting
yourself after being overwhelmed
from making all the choices in your dynamic?
No.
Wouldn't it be helpful if you did?
Well, you know, it it's it's funny you
you bring question
like that up.
I I have been
in in a in a space,
lately, probably about the last month,
easily,
where I realized
something about myself. And and, oddly enough, it
was from watching Fear the Walking Dead. Oh,
gee.
Inspiration can strike anywhere. Right.
I'm stuck.
Mhmm.
Mhmm. I'm I'm I'm I am stuck. With
with everything that has happened over the last
few years and and all the stress, I
am in a position I am stuck. And
in all honesty, I don't know how to
get the hell out of it.
So that is,
a goal coming up for me to work
through that.
You saying goal
makes me want to say, oh, by the
way,
I think one of our final episodes of
2024, we'll talk about our goals for 2025.
Yeah.
Yeah. I
I would agree with your assessment based on
what I have seen Mhmm. And experienced.
I don't
know if I would use that word about
myself,
but I think I'm in the same vibe.
I'm more
in a rut
because I have things to do. Like, if
they're set and established, I just do them.
You have to be the one,
like,
at the drop kind of the drop of
a hat to decide a thing, to come
up with a thing, to
whatever.
So, yeah,
maybe that will be a future topic. Mhmm.
Not anytime soon. He's gotta work through this.
Right.
Let me get to the other side first.
Yeah. So there there it is. Unfortunately, no.
I don't have an answer
for you on that.
It it's it's something I need to work
through myself.
I think the question is certainly worth
anybody who finds themselves in a dominant role,
whether you're a switch or Mhmm. You're a
dom, of asking yourself, do you have that?
Do you can you imagine how you would
do that?
Yeah. I keep
personally and this is just in life and
as a submissive, and it is different from
being a dominant. I keep telling myself the
lie.
When things calm down, I can focus on
that, and
it never comes. Happens, does it? It's life.
It's life. Right. It
if it calms down, I don't even trust
if it calms down. Yeah. That's too calm.
Right? I'll make up something
to happen to make it crazy again. Mhmm.
And I think that's that's the thing that
I know
it it does it to me. I think
it does it to you, and I'm sure
this is fairly common where we go, oh,
I can't
there's no time for that right now,
and there's never
time. Like, you
I know for me,
my brain lies to me and goes, you
know, if you cannot devote
8 solid hours to this,
what are you even doing?
Instead of the truth, which is even if
I can only give something 5 minutes a
day,
that's progress.
That's time spent. And that 5 minutes can
maybe grow to 10, can grow to an
hour, could you know what I mean? Mhmm.
But yeah. Yep. Mhmm. Mhmm.
I think
that, I think, will wrap up with
the those will be our last questions. Mhmm.
Because it's like a few minutes until the
end of the hour, and bonus sections Yeah.
Are a thing. Is a thing. So thank
y'all, whether on Instagram or here on YouTube
for the live chat. Thank you for your
questions.
We do if you were like, I had
a question and you did not answer it,
or I have a really complex question,
please use our contact link on our website.
I think for
I know for, podcast folks, it's in the
show notes. I think for YouTube folks, it's
down in the description box.
You can, like, type out the whole damn
story.
Send us the question. We do q and
a episodes every Monday, nearly every Monday, I
should say. Mhmm. Where we just take one
question and give it as much time as
it needs.
So,
that is always available.
Baby got a bubble? Yeah.
Man.
So
k. Yeah. So, yeah, I guess we're going
to the bonus section now. So are we
good? I don't know.
Keep it kinky, y'all. And we'll see you
next week.
Dottie.
Yes, baby girl. 1, why can't I remember
how to say the things I've been saying
since 2015?
2,
can we talk to the crickets? Yes. We
can. Okay. Thank you.
Okay. Thank
you. Yeah. DS Bunny and I I think
a couple other people, but I saw DS
Bunny do it in live chat. It was
like, oh, this top remember this topic you
did? That might be great for this question.
I
need I I I need that.
I need somebody
who could be like, this thing you're you've
already talked about it. I remember the episode.
You don't have to remember the name the
number. If you just remember the topic, it
could remind me that that topic exists. Decision
fatigue. If we didn't have that episode, I'd
be like, oh my god. We need that
episode. I do remember doing decision fatigue. That
makes me feel better. Yeah.
I can usually remember the topics we've done
within, like, the past year. I won't remember
which ones they were, but I can kinda
go, yeah. I think we talked about that.
I think we talked about that. Mhmm.
Once we get past the, like, the year
mark,
nope. Nope. Don't don't remember anymore. Nope.
So yeah. And I have 2 places I
look,
our archives. I have in Google Drive. I
have all the places where I've done I
call them scripts. They're not scripts. They're outlines,
y'all.
They're barely that. Yeah. So I have those.
And then, of course, in,
our website, in the dashboard part where I
do stuff, where I post the show notes,
I check there.
But what I've learned is sometimes
the word I'm using for a term today
is not the word I used 5 years
ago.
That's fun.
So
Lola's snoring now. Yep. She went out twice
while we've been just sitting down in front
of a camera and microphones
and wore herself out apparently. And and she
was
barking at the dog next door, and then
she was barking at the folks On the
other side. On the other side next door
Mhmm. Who were working in the backyard.
Mhmm. Mhmm.
Yep. So, you know, she she went out
there, she let everybody know who's
Yep. Yep. She was like, hi. I'm here.
I'm watching all of you. Mhmm. So
but
yeah.
We have a very,
I don't know. It feels crazy to me
because I would prefer to just be in
my soft close sitting on my couch every
night of the week, every day
of a week, every week of a year.
And that's not gonna be tonight. No. We
will finish up recording.
We get a little bit of time,
based on what time it is now. It's
2 PM our time. Around, what, 3:30
our time? Maybe a little bit earlier? A
little We have to be in the car.
Mhmm. We're all going. Yep.
The youngest has his social work thing,
and then we have to get dinner. Mhmm.
And then the oldest, thankfully in the same
city, has a concert tonight.
The only, like,
woo, yay, maybe,
is the oldest told me when we saw
him over the weekend, he was like, I
might not wanna go out after my concert.
I might wanna hang out with and he
was so apologetic.
I was like, dude, that's okay.
Do you know how much money you save
me when you don't wanna go get food
after a concert?
Yeah. And he's you know, they have Thanksgiving
break next week. He's only coming home for
the day next week, but that's fine.
But,
yeah. So we're
we're
gonna be out and about, and I'm not,
the type of person who likes to be
out or about.
Not not in real pants.
Not in a bra.
But yeah.
And before we,
in between stuff today, so you like, we're
working this morning. I was doing some stuff
this morning, and we had a a moment
of calm before we got ready for the
podcast and recording stuff.
And we had to map out the next
5 days
because for us,
we'll be lucky if we take Thanksgiving
Day off, which is next Thursday for anybody
who's not American and doesn't celebrate
Thursday, the I think that's 28th, whatever the
number that is.
Because we're getting ready for Black Friday. Yeah.
And normally, it's always kind of a cluster.
I bet if I went and listened to
us complain about it every year since they've
had the kinkery, we, you know, we are
always feeling overwhelmed.
But
this year is the 1st year we
are only or not only don't feel stocked
up enough.
So not stocked up enough, we didn't go
to Orlando to the woodshed this year because
there was no way we could stock for
both. We just didn't. It was not an
option.
Nope. And so we've had to map out
how we're going to get I think by
the time we're done, you will have, in
space of, like, 3 days made, like, 50
or 60 paddles
Mhmm. On top of other things. Like, I
I got a candle wax melter so I
can make more candles. I'm so excited.
Yep. And if it works like we want
it to, we will buy a second one.
I'm so excited.
Yeah. I've been been doing all that in
between. Been making,
families getting homemade Christmas Everybody's getting homemade this
year. Yep.
So I've been been working on those.
Gifts that everybody's getting in between when I
can. I sit and I've been watching Fear
the Walking Dead.
Mhmm. Mhmm. Been liking that. And,
what else been doing?
I have,
purposely pulled myself back on social media a
lot. Just deleted Twitter off my phone. Why
I still had it again, I don't know.
I've not been on in Instagram as much
other than to, like,
monitor the craziness on the Kinkering and Loving
BDSM.
So what that has meant is do you
know if you are not doom scrolling on
social media,
you have a lot of time for other
things. And my other thing has been reading,
like Yeah. A
a grotesque amount. I was feeling bad. I
was like, how am I reading so much?
And then I justified it by, well,
you would normally have scrolled this many hours.
Yeah.
Social media.
I mean, I I I I have done
the same thing. I've I've removed
a lot
of the social media
off of my phone. Most,
just left a couple, like I say, for
the for the businesses, for the,
the concrete and the wood dom. Mhmm.
And and I do not look at my
phone as much. No. And and I don't,
you know, intend to.
Yeah. So,
you know, I've been doing I've been doing
other things. I've I've got a 1,000 piece
puzzle
that I've been working on. Mhmm.
You know, I'll I'll take that in,
you know, take that out some nights and
work on it. Some nights I'll watch Fear
the Walking Dead. Some nights we'll watch
Outlander together. Mhmm. Mhmm.
What I have found, and I hate it
because I really enjoy,
Outlander,
but something about drama
shows of any sort, I have to be
in a very specific
frame of mind to watch it. Like, I
have to like,
the other night, you know, Jimmy's like, I
wanna watch TV. And I'm like, I would
love to sit and watch, but I don't
want anything serious and I don't want anything
I have to follow a plot to. Like,
I don't have that in me right now.
So we watched comedy specials on Netflix, which
was delightful.
Mhmm. JB, I think, discovered that he loves
Tom Papa, who is very funny. I think
it's because we're all, like, between
him at his age, you and I are
on each side of his age, and it's
very relatable to us. Yes.
Yes. Yes. Yes.
But yeah.
Yep.
So Rara invite invited you to, join Blue
Sky. I know. So here's my thing. I
if I were going to start another one,
it would probably be Blue Sky because I
tried Mastodon and that just wasn't my vibe.
Mhmm. I
am so out of practice on and no
longer know
how or what to ever post on a
text based social media. Pictures, I got. I
can Yeah. You know, video, I mean, it's
kind of a pain in the ass, but
I have figured myself out.
But just, like, my random
thoughts, I don't
know. I don't know. Yeah. So yeah. If
I, you know, I
I have not posted on Twitter
for loving BDS Summer, my personal Twitter in
a couple of years minimum. Yeah.
We still
post for the Kinkry to Twitter
because we do get a little bit of
traffic for it, but I've kind of gone,
I I don't I don't want to be
here anymore.
So maybe I'll move the Kinkery over to
Bluestock. I don't know. I don't know. I
know I've I've you know, with
Twitter, I
I removed, you know, my personal account. I
removed
the, Wood Dom
account, and those were the only two accounts
that I, you know Yeah. Curated and and
and I tell you what, when I
deleted the profiles and took the app off
of the phone and and my
iPad, I it was like a sigh of
relief.
Yeah. I
did I always forget until
I get to a point where I'm like,
what am I even doing? I always forget
how stressed out
being on Twitter makes me feel.
Like, it's I it's just become stressful. And
I'm like, why am I doing this to
myself? Yep.
So yeah.
But
Yep. Yep.
Anyhow.
Yeah. Right now, we're
working towards
Black Friday Mhmm. Because that's a very important
Yep. Time and anybody who sells things
kind of calendar. But we're also
I'm very proud of us because the past
couple years, this has been a struggle. I've
not been on top of it like I
used to be. We're actually
in 2024
looking
towards planning for
2025.
Yeah. Not everything. Like, there used to be
a time we would have multiple coffee dates
and I would plan out,
topics.
I would plan out this. I would plan
out that. No. No. No. No. No. No.
I am less intense about that. But we
are, yeah, we are actually, like, thinking
about the future and remembering that that it
will be a new year
sooner than we imagined. I'm very proud of
us. Yeah. That feels like it feels like
a turning point. Because for a couple of
years,
we did not get to plan anything. We
had to react to everything. Right. And I
would just literally forget time exists. And so
I was like, oh, yeah. It's like
3 days into January. Aren't we supposed to
do things? The first day, no. Yeah. I'm
being a little bit more on top of
it. Yeah. It's kinda nice. Bad cat asked,
do we have a which vending event coming
up? No. We do not.
We have done that event in the past.
This year, we we did not. We did
not have the,
bandwidth and inventory to do a do the
live,
event. We could not we could not make
enough stuff for for both. It was never
gonna happen. And, as for what I'm making
for family and friends, I'll give you a
quick peek of a couple things. Sure. And
for podcast listeners, we will try to verbally
describe it for you since you cannot see
that.
Yeah.
We have a very small family, so we
don't have we're not
we're not given a, like, a bunch of
guests having to you know, JB is not
making a lot a lot of things.
So and we have thankfully, our family members
are very
appreciative
of, you know, what
JB
can do.
And they've also learned that there are guinea
pigs. Yeah. Yeah. He'll go, I wanna try
making this. And then it's a it's a
Christmas present, and then he decides, do I
wanna make this all the time? So okay.
What you got? So,
you know, the the family members, they all
love
Christmas ornaments. Oh my gosh. Yes.
So, you know, in between everything, I've been
sitting at the,
scroll saw
and and have been making
Christmas ornaments. Yep. You've got an angel. Angel.
And, for podcast listeners, it's not like just
the outline. He's got these intricate cuts, like,
into the angel wings and down the angel,
like, robe thing and whatever. This this still
has the template
on it. These they're they are far from
done. Yeah. Because you've done done the cut.
Right. You'll have to do what? The sanding?
I have to I have to do some
sanding on them now. And then there's the
finishing. Then an ornament in the shape of
an ornament. I I love it when we
get meta. That's fine. But this and the
thing is, what makes these special and unique
is, again, it's not just that he cut
out the outline. There's designs cut out into
the center. Is that is that another ornament
in the shape of an ornament? Yeah. Okay.
That's a round one. Was is that a
Christmas tree cut out of the center? Yeah.
Okay.
You didn't have to do the booty guru
Oh, well, I know you have thing to
me.
Mhmm. Well but, yeah, these these are the
these are what some of the things I've
been working on. Mhmm.
And, I don't have do I have them?
Oh, yeah. The butter board. Butter boards. I
am still I think they're beautiful, but I'm
still confused about when a butter board is
used
or how.
Family dinner? So you're having a big meal,
and butter is gonna be served, like, for
bread or for whatever you might put. And
you would just put your butter on this
board. You put your stick of butter. Okay.
And then it then it has a,
a a butter knife. And you pull that
out, and it's right. The butter knife butter
when the butter knife's made, it sits. There's
a slot underneath the butter board. Right. And
so it it's all one it all looks
like one thing. So then after the meal
and you put your unused butter back wherever
you put it, fridge or whatever, how would
you clean that off?
Soap
same way you do the cutting boards. Okay.
Same same thing.
Just
water. Mhmm. If you really need to clean
it good,
salt Okay. And a lemon. Okay. Okay. And
then you just
And then you can always re wood butter
it. And then you re re re wax
Yep. Mhmm. Mhmm. Yep. Yep. Yep. So yeah.
I still I still have to make the
matter of fact, I just glued up the
the pieces for the to make the knives
To go with the to go with these.
Yeah.
Yep. Yep. So that's that's what I've been
playing with. Mhmm. In between everything else. Mhmm.
Yeah. And
think like I said, thankfully, our family is
very,
appreciative, and they they get that this was
skill and time and Mhmm. So they don't,
you know
plus they just think that whatever JB makes
is, like, the best thing they've ever seen
in their fucking life, which is helpful, which
is helpful.
So yeah.
But
I'll come. Okay. Anything else?
That's about it for me. Yeah. Me too.
There will be more next week because next
week,
will will we even still have hair left
or will we have pulled it out by
the time we do the Wednesday livestream
knowing that we're prepping for Black Friday? I
I intend I intend to buzz mine off
in the next couple days. That way, I
can't pull it out. There you go. Yeah.
We might we might just collapse
into our chairs for the livestream
and recording and just, like, look like zombies.
I don't know. Like, when we were talking
about it, I was like, okay. So over
the next 4 days, I'm gonna help you
make all these paddles. And then the 3
or 4 days after that, I'm gonna do
all these things. And in between, I'm gonna
make candles. And he was like, yep. That
sounds like you're saying you're gonna try to
do that. Mhmm.
Mhmm. So it's exciting. I I I love
it. I just
I'm now at an age where I just
know how tired we'll be. Yeah. So you
just Yep. You just know.
Anyway,
we're gonna go. Yeah. We'll see y'all next
week.
Thanks for being here. Thanks for sticking to
the bitter end. Always glad to have you
hang out with us. Yeah.
Oh, and spoiler, we're gonna do a Reddit
response episode next week, so maybe I'll rant,
and we'll all have a good time. Woo
hoo. We'll find out.
Okay.
Bye. Bye.