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You're listening to the Loving BDSM podcast episode

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418.

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Kayla Lords here with the one, the only,

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the guy who had a coffee orgasm right

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before we started recording, John Brownstone. Yeah. And

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it was delightful.

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I mean, it's not y'all, it's not his

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first cup of coffee of the day. Okay?

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Yeah. It is I mean It just it

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just hit me the right way. Alright? You

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know? It it just

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Yeah. Yeah. It was it was an event

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to watch unfold as well.

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Anyway, that's not why we're here today. That

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is not why we're here today.

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But, technically,

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nobody would be surprised that we would be

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talking about assertive submissives

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today.

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I don't know. The topic just came to

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me. I can't imagine why. That's cool. I'll

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be on standby.

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Stop.

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Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this

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is your first time listening, glad to have

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you. If you're back for another week, welcome

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back. Loving BDSM is produced every Monday Friday

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for your kinky pleasure in education. And show

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notes are found at lovingbdsm.net.

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Come back off today and feel free to

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add the podcast to your favorite podcast app.

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You can also follow the show on Fetlife

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at loving BDSM

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PC

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on Instagram and technically threads at that handle

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I will forever fucking hate. Loving d s

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and the number one. So it's at loving

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d s one or on youtube@youtube.com/loving

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BDSM, where you can watch us live stream

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the podcast every Wednesday. All links are in

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the show notes. Big thanks as always to

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our kinky patrons over on Patreon, including our

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newest peeps. We are able to keep being

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weirdos on the Internet

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because of our kinky community.

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And we are grateful for every fucking one

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of you. If you'd like to join our

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kinky community and get access to extra content

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and the discord server with a group of

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super cool, super chill kinksters,

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you can do that. Just join us at

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patreon.com/kayla

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lords. That's patreon.com/kayla

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lords or use the link in the show

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notes. Before we get into the topic, let's

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do some announcements.

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One is very simple. We have a livestream

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Friday night, this Friday, November 15th

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starting at 9:30 PM EST. It's our monthly

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livestream.

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We,

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will be there. First 30 minutes is whatever

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chaos

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we start with. And then at 10 o'clock,

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the chaos continues, but we also answer kinky

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questions. It's a BDSM q and a for

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the rest of the night.

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So

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so,

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yeah, there's that. Then next announcement, why don't

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I just get my notes up so I'm

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not trying to do this by memory?

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Notes are good. We are sponsoring us because

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we like to pay the mortgage.

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So it's actually kind of a blanket statement.

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We have

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way too many Etsy shops for 1 couple

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because we have way too many interests.

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They are all having sales. From now through

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the end of the year,

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the loving BDSM Etsy shop, has our kinky

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workbooks, has kinky coloring books. I am hoping

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this week to get, a couple more out.

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They've been burning a hole in my brain.

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I wanna make them.

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We'll see. But we also have stickers, and

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we have shirts, and we have mugs, and

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blah blah blah blah. So

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that one.

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My Etsy shop, my bookish Etsy shop called

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Book Dreams, it's on sale. I got Christmas

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themed stuff and then I got non Christmas

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themed stuff. I'm trying to get some winter

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stuff that's not Christmas,

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but there that's all on on sale. Plus

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I have some clearance that I would really

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like to get rid of.

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I won't be remaking it. And so, yeah,

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some stuff is 50% off. And then JB's,

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shop where he makes things, out of wood

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that are not kinky, his vanilla

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wood

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shop,

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that is also on sale. And the sales

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will change Black Friday. Like, if you're like,

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okay. I I really I really need to

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save the most. I'll go ahead and tell

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you. We're gonna have a Black Friday sale.

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The difference, if you're thinking about stuff, on

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JB's shop, everything he makes is one of

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a kind.

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So if it gets sold

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before you get a chance to buy it

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and you want it,

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there's no guarantee

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it'll come back, and we don't really take

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custom orders

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once Black Friday hits. We don't have time.

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So just keep that in mind if you're

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looking for gifts and you see something on

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JB's site, but everything is on sale through

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the whole through

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till New Year's Eve, y'all. The whole rest

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of the fucking year, everything's on sale. Okay.

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Links are in the places for anybody who

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wants it.

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Feel free to shop around, favorite blah blah

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blah blah. Okay. Okay. Let's get into the

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topic. Okay. This one comes straight from me,

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and I went to JP, and I was

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like, can we talk about this? He's like,

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yeah. Sure. Because I don't think I've ever

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had a topic idea that you weren't like

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you know, maybe not now or maybe let

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you think about it, but you've always been

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like, yeah. Sure. We could talk about that.

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I think over the years, there's been 2

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topics

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I shot now. Yeah. And I can't I

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didn't come to you going, oh, this is

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what I really wanna talk about. It was

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more like a what do you think about

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this? Because even I had doubts. Yep. This

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was not one of them. So why are

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we talking about something that for

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anybody who knows and and enjoys an assertive

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submissive is not at all surprising or shocking?

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So I keep

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Instagramming too close to the sun. Okay?

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And some,

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that that handle I will forever fucking hate.

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Loving d s, the number 1, at loving

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d s one. I hate that handle on

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Instagram.

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I've started doing reels that are, like, memes

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and informational reels and just, just playing with

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stuff.

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And I did a little jokey joke one

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that made me smile

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and referred to assertive submissives

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with a praise kink. It was hilarious. It's

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it's fine if you don't think it's funny.

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I thought it was funny. I was delighted.

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And had at least 2 comments where somebody

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went, oh, you mean brats?

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And look,

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the great debate of whether I am a

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brat

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or not, it's not really a debate. I

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know how I identify, but I get where

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that comes from. The sass versus the brat.

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But something about

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brat being automatically associated with assertive, I I

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just I I did the jocklynch thing, and

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I was like, I'm annoyed.

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I I think And it's not because you

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can't if you're bratty, you're not assertive

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was

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just like, no. But it's not the same

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thing. Yeah. In in my mind, I think

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that the 2 are Brad is a little

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different than being assertive. Right. But then you

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can be an assertive brat.

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Of course. You're gonna be assertive as you

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can be

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an assertive anything. Right. I am an assertive

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service sub. I will get shit done, but

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I have questions, thoughts, and opinions

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that we have to cover before I can

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get shit done. All along the way.

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So

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that's why. Right? I I really think for

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anybody who is

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a fairly assertive person

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and submissive or

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partnered with somebody like that, you're like, oh,

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this is a is this a thing?

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Yeah. Kind of. Partly because there is the

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stereotype

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that submissives are supposed to be

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quiet. And you can be quiet and assertive,

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but, you know, like that meek The demure.

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Shower.

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And I, we've already established, I'm not demure.

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I'm a goblin.

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I made that real too.

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Used that sound. It was delightful.

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And it's fine

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for if people are that way and want

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to be that way and they feel fulfilled

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in their relationship and they're not necessarily

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assertive. But I also think that assertive gets

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a bad rap, especially

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if you are one of 2 things and

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definitely both. If you were submissive, for sure.

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If you are a woman, definitely. And God

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help you if you're both. Right? Like men

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get called assertive. Women get called bitches. You

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know what I mean? Like, you're a leader.

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I'm bossy. That kind of thing.

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So

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I feel like it's important to talk about.

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Mhmm. For the people who

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might not

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might worry that that somehow makes them

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incorrect or wrong. Is this miss if it

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doesn't? But we're gonna talk about it because

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also

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people get confused with assertive and other terms.

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And we'll talk about that.

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But

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first, let's talk about what it means. Okay.

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Thank you, Google. Because assertive is one of

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those words, I know what I mean when

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I say it. And most people would probably

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know my the vibe I was going for,

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but that's not actually educational or informational. I

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thought I'd try words Okay. Instead of vibes.

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So there's different ways,

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that this term gets,

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defined, but here are a few.

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Direct and honest communication without trying to hurt

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anyone's feelings. So it's not the direct and

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honest that takes no care for the listener,

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but it's the one where you're you're trying

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to do right by the person you're talking

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to, but you you've got something to say.

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Having or showing a confident and forceful personality.

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I think I think a spotlight turned on

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me when I got one.

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It's very strange.

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And then this one was,

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this one came from the dictionary. I can't

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remember which. Was it Webster Merriam or I

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can't Oxford? I don't remember. Bold or confident

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statements and behavior. Now some of those terms

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are subjective, bold,

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forceful,

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but I think we all kinda know what

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to do. Yeah. I mean, to me, one

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of the things I would say about someone

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who's assertive is that they're they're take they

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take initiative. That is also a thing. Yeah.

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Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

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Which,

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for anybody who's like, wait, Taking initiative and

267
00:09:25,665 --> 00:09:26,485
being specific,

268
00:09:27,024 --> 00:09:28,165
they're not complete

269
00:09:28,705 --> 00:09:31,445
opposites. You can do both. I take initiative

270
00:09:32,384 --> 00:09:35,184
with JB's blessing, with his permission, with his

271
00:09:35,184 --> 00:09:37,605
understanding of what I will take initiative on

272
00:09:37,825 --> 00:09:39,929
and what I that's that's not my role,

273
00:09:39,929 --> 00:09:41,529
and we will do something different in our

274
00:09:41,529 --> 00:09:42,350
power exchange.

275
00:09:43,769 --> 00:09:45,610
So, yeah, the when I was trying to

276
00:09:45,690 --> 00:09:46,570
before I googled

277
00:09:47,450 --> 00:09:50,090
let let Google give me better words. When

278
00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:51,309
I was thinking about

279
00:09:52,205 --> 00:09:54,365
being assertive, the the things that came to

280
00:09:54,365 --> 00:09:55,424
my mind were

281
00:09:55,804 --> 00:09:57,665
direct and clear communication.

282
00:09:58,044 --> 00:10:00,465
Because when I feel the most assertive,

283
00:10:01,485 --> 00:10:03,965
certainly within our power exchange, and I'm being

284
00:10:03,965 --> 00:10:05,105
assertive with JB,

285
00:10:06,550 --> 00:10:09,590
mostly, I'm just being direct. I'm saying what

286
00:10:09,590 --> 00:10:10,250
I think

287
00:10:10,710 --> 00:10:13,269
within the confines of our power exchange, which

288
00:10:13,269 --> 00:10:15,509
in our power exchange, the rule is I

289
00:10:15,509 --> 00:10:17,430
could say anything I need to say as

290
00:10:17,430 --> 00:10:18,649
long as I stay

291
00:10:18,985 --> 00:10:20,808
Correct. I I do not get to come

292
00:10:20,808 --> 00:10:21,384
in. No. You do not get to come

293
00:10:21,384 --> 00:10:22,904
in all guns blazing. Right. Filled with sarcasm.

294
00:10:22,904 --> 00:10:23,804
I'm good.

295
00:10:24,184 --> 00:10:25,404
The snark is sky high.

296
00:10:25,865 --> 00:10:27,544
Now, does the snark happen? Yes. But when

297
00:10:27,544 --> 00:10:28,524
I get snarky,

298
00:10:31,340 --> 00:10:33,899
I think I'm being funny. I'm not actually

299
00:10:33,899 --> 00:10:35,519
trying to be disrespectful.

300
00:10:37,419 --> 00:10:40,399
One person's sass is another person's disrespect.

301
00:10:40,940 --> 00:10:43,759
So to be assertive should not actually be

302
00:10:43,980 --> 00:10:46,240
a shocking thing in kink because

303
00:10:46,824 --> 00:10:48,524
one of the hallmarks of

304
00:10:48,904 --> 00:10:49,404
responsible,

305
00:10:49,784 --> 00:10:50,284
ethical,

306
00:10:50,904 --> 00:10:53,404
healthy kink is direct and clear communication.

307
00:10:54,824 --> 00:10:57,625
What that sounds like and looks like varies

308
00:10:57,625 --> 00:10:58,924
from person to person.

309
00:11:00,105 --> 00:11:02,809
For me, it started out where I was

310
00:11:02,809 --> 00:11:05,389
not assertive in my clear and direct communication

311
00:11:05,449 --> 00:11:06,110
at all.

312
00:11:06,889 --> 00:11:09,370
I was I was very, like, nervous and

313
00:11:09,370 --> 00:11:11,610
shy and insecure, and I wasn't sure what

314
00:11:11,610 --> 00:11:13,610
response I was gonna get. And I did

315
00:11:13,610 --> 00:11:15,529
better if I wrote it down and then

316
00:11:15,529 --> 00:11:17,230
didn't have to look at his face

317
00:11:17,745 --> 00:11:18,485
while he

318
00:11:18,785 --> 00:11:20,965
learned whatever I was saying in writing. Right?

319
00:11:21,345 --> 00:11:22,804
But over time,

320
00:11:23,424 --> 00:11:23,865
it's

321
00:11:24,304 --> 00:11:26,945
it's way easier to just say what I

322
00:11:26,945 --> 00:11:27,764
gotta say.

323
00:11:28,225 --> 00:11:29,205
There are times

324
00:11:29,940 --> 00:11:31,620
when it's not so much. I that's the

325
00:11:31,620 --> 00:11:33,639
thing. I think some people are assertive

326
00:11:34,259 --> 00:11:36,420
most of the time and some people are

327
00:11:36,420 --> 00:11:39,000
probably assertive just less. I am

328
00:11:39,300 --> 00:11:40,679
not assertive with everybody.

329
00:11:40,980 --> 00:11:42,705
I am not assertive in all situations.

330
00:11:44,465 --> 00:11:46,304
Sometimes I get into my little subby headspace,

331
00:11:46,304 --> 00:11:47,745
and I'm like, the last fucking thing I

332
00:11:47,745 --> 00:11:49,825
wanna be is assertive. I was assertive with

333
00:11:49,825 --> 00:11:51,264
you 10 minutes ago. I told you what

334
00:11:51,264 --> 00:11:53,585
I wanted. I'm done. I'm done. And then

335
00:11:53,585 --> 00:11:54,565
I can be

336
00:11:55,169 --> 00:11:55,669
the

337
00:11:56,129 --> 00:11:56,629
soft,

338
00:11:57,089 --> 00:12:00,309
meeker, milder, gentler version of myself. Goblin?

339
00:12:01,889 --> 00:12:03,029
Goblin comes out

340
00:12:04,129 --> 00:12:05,909
when I'm not naked.

341
00:12:06,529 --> 00:12:07,029
Like,

342
00:12:07,730 --> 00:12:10,754
once once, like, we've gotten our fuckery in

343
00:12:10,754 --> 00:12:11,735
place and, you

344
00:12:12,394 --> 00:12:12,894
know,

345
00:12:13,554 --> 00:12:15,955
and usually my softer side comes out. But

346
00:12:15,955 --> 00:12:18,115
I'm not assertive in all things at all

347
00:12:18,115 --> 00:12:20,514
times either. True. I am more assertive with

348
00:12:20,514 --> 00:12:21,794
you, and this is a thing that's kind

349
00:12:21,794 --> 00:12:22,914
of been in my mind as I've thought

350
00:12:22,914 --> 00:12:24,355
about this topic. It was supposed to be

351
00:12:24,355 --> 00:12:25,959
last week's topic, so for 2 weeks I've

352
00:12:25,959 --> 00:12:26,940
been thinking about this,

353
00:12:28,919 --> 00:12:31,399
is that I am safe to be assertive

354
00:12:31,399 --> 00:12:32,919
with you. That that's what I was gonna

355
00:12:32,919 --> 00:12:35,259
say. I I think after all this time,

356
00:12:35,480 --> 00:12:37,079
you know me well enough that you feel

357
00:12:37,079 --> 00:12:37,579
safe

358
00:12:38,065 --> 00:12:40,805
enough to, you know, allow that to show.

359
00:12:40,945 --> 00:12:43,185
I will forever be in awe of people

360
00:12:43,185 --> 00:12:45,745
who are assertive without needing to feel safe

361
00:12:45,745 --> 00:12:47,985
to do it. I'm like, wow. How do

362
00:12:47,985 --> 00:12:49,925
you do that? Is it in your DNA?

363
00:12:50,065 --> 00:12:51,925
Can you teach me your ways? Because

364
00:12:53,345 --> 00:12:54,470
I have to have a level

365
00:12:54,850 --> 00:12:56,709
of comfort and confidence

366
00:12:57,490 --> 00:12:59,029
in the situation

367
00:13:00,129 --> 00:13:02,289
or the person I'm with. Now sometimes I'm

368
00:13:02,289 --> 00:13:04,769
confident enough in myself in the situation. Like,

369
00:13:04,769 --> 00:13:07,074
if if somebody wants to come at me

370
00:13:07,375 --> 00:13:10,014
sideways and weird because of our power exchange,

371
00:13:10,014 --> 00:13:11,694
I can be assertive in that situation because

372
00:13:11,694 --> 00:13:13,534
I'm extremely comfortable with who I am as

373
00:13:13,534 --> 00:13:15,794
a submissive in our power exchange. It's easy.

374
00:13:16,254 --> 00:13:16,754
But,

375
00:13:17,214 --> 00:13:19,054
you know, don't look at me funny in

376
00:13:19,054 --> 00:13:20,975
the grocery store where there's way too many

377
00:13:20,975 --> 00:13:23,820
people and I'm it's already, like, too much

378
00:13:23,820 --> 00:13:25,740
sensory input, and I'm already, like, kinda freaked

379
00:13:25,740 --> 00:13:27,100
out because guess what? I am not. I

380
00:13:27,100 --> 00:13:29,039
am not assertive in that situation.

381
00:13:29,419 --> 00:13:30,879
No. At all. No.

382
00:13:31,740 --> 00:13:32,240
So

383
00:13:35,134 --> 00:13:37,774
how how would you talk about, think about,

384
00:13:38,254 --> 00:13:39,475
describe what

385
00:13:39,855 --> 00:13:41,075
me being assertive

386
00:13:41,455 --> 00:13:42,754
is like for you?

387
00:13:46,254 --> 00:13:48,335
I mean Oh, dear. I do keep it

388
00:13:48,335 --> 00:13:50,590
fun. Right? Like, you're on your toes. You

389
00:13:50,590 --> 00:13:52,210
know, that that's one thing

390
00:13:52,750 --> 00:13:54,509
yeah. It keeps me on my toes, keeps

391
00:13:54,509 --> 00:13:55,410
things interesting.

392
00:13:58,190 --> 00:13:59,889
You know, it's it's been

393
00:14:05,154 --> 00:14:06,615
quite a journey with you.

394
00:14:07,315 --> 00:14:10,754
Okay. Okay? Because, you know, let's talk talking

395
00:14:10,754 --> 00:14:12,355
about you were talking about the whole safe

396
00:14:12,355 --> 00:14:13,335
thing. I remember

397
00:14:13,875 --> 00:14:16,034
early on in our relationship, even when we

398
00:14:16,034 --> 00:14:16,534
first

399
00:14:17,235 --> 00:14:18,214
moved in together,

400
00:14:19,714 --> 00:14:20,214
you

401
00:14:20,889 --> 00:14:21,629
at that

402
00:14:22,009 --> 00:14:23,309
time, were very quiet,

403
00:14:25,049 --> 00:14:27,370
and and you were very demure at that

404
00:14:27,370 --> 00:14:28,829
point in our relationship.

405
00:14:30,009 --> 00:14:31,709
And as you got to know me

406
00:14:33,665 --> 00:14:35,925
Yeah. And and and you got

407
00:14:36,384 --> 00:14:38,545
to realize how far you could get with

408
00:14:38,545 --> 00:14:39,345
poking the bear

409
00:14:40,705 --> 00:14:41,205
Yeah.

410
00:14:42,144 --> 00:14:44,225
And that I enjoyed poking the bear. Yes.

411
00:14:44,225 --> 00:14:46,079
That I've I've realized it was fun to

412
00:14:46,079 --> 00:14:48,159
poke the bear Right. Yeah. To a certain

413
00:14:48,159 --> 00:14:50,419
degree, to a certain limit. Yeah.

414
00:14:50,799 --> 00:14:52,799
So, yeah, you've made an art form, I

415
00:14:52,799 --> 00:14:54,259
think, out of poking the bear.

416
00:14:54,559 --> 00:14:56,259
You're the only one I wanna poke.

417
00:14:57,600 --> 00:14:59,220
You're the only one I metaphorically

418
00:14:59,595 --> 00:15:00,495
wanna know. Yeah.

419
00:15:00,875 --> 00:15:03,834
Physically, I'm I can be convinced. You know,

420
00:15:03,834 --> 00:15:05,454
and and I know

421
00:15:05,834 --> 00:15:07,694
it it's it's not for everybody,

422
00:15:08,554 --> 00:15:09,054
but

423
00:15:09,754 --> 00:15:10,975
I couldn't imagine

424
00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:15,600
us not being that way at this point.

425
00:15:15,600 --> 00:15:16,919
Yeah. I don't

426
00:15:17,360 --> 00:15:18,799
I can't imagine what we would be like

427
00:15:18,799 --> 00:15:20,580
if we were not this way. Yeah. Yeah.

428
00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:21,759
Yeah. So,

429
00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:24,480
you know, that's that's had it kept it

430
00:15:24,480 --> 00:15:24,980
interesting

431
00:15:26,399 --> 00:15:27,220
and fun.

432
00:15:27,815 --> 00:15:28,774
Well, yeah. Because

433
00:15:29,254 --> 00:15:31,115
so sometimes my assertiveness

434
00:15:31,654 --> 00:15:32,154
is,

435
00:15:33,815 --> 00:15:35,495
I have questions about this thing you want

436
00:15:35,495 --> 00:15:37,254
me to do. And I'm I sound concerned

437
00:15:37,254 --> 00:15:39,014
and I sound confused, but I'm quick to

438
00:15:39,014 --> 00:15:41,254
go, I need I need more than information

439
00:15:41,254 --> 00:15:43,740
than what you're giving me. Sometimes my assertiveness

440
00:15:43,799 --> 00:15:46,620
is is sassy and is joking, and I'm

441
00:15:46,919 --> 00:15:49,240
poke poking the bear. I'm trying to get

442
00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:51,179
a point across without being too serious,

443
00:15:52,679 --> 00:15:55,815
or the the sarcasm just gripped me by

444
00:15:55,815 --> 00:15:56,794
the throat and

445
00:15:57,254 --> 00:15:58,774
I would combust if I didn't let it

446
00:15:58,774 --> 00:15:59,754
out in some way.

447
00:16:00,615 --> 00:16:02,934
Yes. Yes, Anne. Like, all those things are

448
00:16:02,934 --> 00:16:05,334
true. And then, truly, there are times that

449
00:16:05,334 --> 00:16:06,934
I'm just not it's not that I'm not

450
00:16:06,934 --> 00:16:07,434
assertive.

451
00:16:07,820 --> 00:16:09,440
I think it's that I've been assertive

452
00:16:09,899 --> 00:16:11,600
enough in the past that

453
00:16:11,899 --> 00:16:13,899
I don't have to remind you of who

454
00:16:13,899 --> 00:16:15,600
I am or what I want. Oh, yeah.

455
00:16:15,659 --> 00:16:17,580
You, you know, there's no need. And that

456
00:16:17,580 --> 00:16:19,340
is a nice feeling because then I feel

457
00:16:19,340 --> 00:16:21,325
like I can soften a little bit. Well

458
00:16:21,404 --> 00:16:23,084
I can just, like, follow your lead and

459
00:16:23,084 --> 00:16:25,164
there's there's no need for conversation. I'm I'm

460
00:16:25,164 --> 00:16:26,845
I'm gonna point out a funny thing that

461
00:16:26,845 --> 00:16:28,144
happened just this morning.

462
00:16:28,524 --> 00:16:29,745
Mhmm. So,

463
00:16:31,565 --> 00:16:33,164
you know, I I got up this morning

464
00:16:33,164 --> 00:16:34,524
and I I had some things that I

465
00:16:34,524 --> 00:16:36,284
wanted to do this morning before we did

466
00:16:36,284 --> 00:16:38,940
all all this. You know, and I'm trying

467
00:16:38,940 --> 00:16:40,299
to map it all out in my head,

468
00:16:40,299 --> 00:16:41,899
how I wanna do all these things. Some

469
00:16:41,899 --> 00:16:43,820
of it was was for home, some of

470
00:16:43,820 --> 00:16:45,259
it was for work, some of it was

471
00:16:45,259 --> 00:16:47,259
personal. You know, it was a a whole

472
00:16:47,259 --> 00:16:48,879
mishmash of of things.

473
00:16:50,225 --> 00:16:52,325
And and I'm trying to to,

474
00:16:53,424 --> 00:16:55,504
you know, coordinate what I'm going to do

475
00:16:55,504 --> 00:16:57,184
this morning and and how much of it

476
00:16:57,184 --> 00:16:59,264
can I get done? And this one goes,

477
00:16:59,264 --> 00:17:00,644
what are your plans for tomorrow?

478
00:17:03,370 --> 00:17:04,990
What what what are you gonna do tomorrow?

479
00:17:08,329 --> 00:17:09,690
I have no clue yet. What do you

480
00:17:09,690 --> 00:17:10,890
mean you don't know yet? Well, I I

481
00:17:10,890 --> 00:17:12,329
I need to know these things. I I

482
00:17:12,329 --> 00:17:13,849
need to know. I I I gotta be

483
00:17:13,849 --> 00:17:15,615
able to plan my own life. Right. Right.

484
00:17:15,615 --> 00:17:17,375
And I'm like, as soon as I know

485
00:17:18,015 --> 00:17:19,454
Which here's I will tell you. Here's what

486
00:17:19,454 --> 00:17:21,795
he's gonna know. He's gonna know at 8:15

487
00:17:22,255 --> 00:17:25,134
tomorrow, and I will have already mentally mapped

488
00:17:25,134 --> 00:17:27,615
out my day. And then what he needs

489
00:17:27,615 --> 00:17:29,700
from me will throw off

490
00:17:30,179 --> 00:17:32,440
my planned schedule, and then

491
00:17:32,740 --> 00:17:33,639
I will be

492
00:17:34,099 --> 00:17:36,279
quietly in my head a total fucking bitch.

493
00:17:37,700 --> 00:17:40,419
It's what kinda happened the other day when

494
00:17:40,419 --> 00:17:42,034
I thought this is how my day was

495
00:17:42,034 --> 00:17:43,234
gonna go, and you came in and went,

496
00:17:43,234 --> 00:17:44,615
actually, what we're doing is

497
00:17:44,994 --> 00:17:46,835
not only was I assertive, but I would

498
00:17:46,835 --> 00:17:48,595
not have come across as submissive to any

499
00:17:48,595 --> 00:17:50,375
fucking body. Not even JB.

500
00:17:50,835 --> 00:17:51,335
Yeah.

501
00:17:55,315 --> 00:17:56,835
And and I you know, there there is

502
00:17:56,835 --> 00:17:57,575
a line

503
00:17:58,329 --> 00:18:01,609
to being assertive and and submissive at the

504
00:18:01,609 --> 00:18:03,849
same time where, you know, I'm going to

505
00:18:03,849 --> 00:18:05,450
let you know what I think. I'm going

506
00:18:05,450 --> 00:18:07,450
to ask my question. I'm going to tell

507
00:18:07,450 --> 00:18:08,509
you what I want,

508
00:18:09,129 --> 00:18:11,450
and then I'm going to step back and

509
00:18:11,450 --> 00:18:11,950
you

510
00:18:12,424 --> 00:18:12,924
decide.

511
00:18:13,304 --> 00:18:16,105
Now it helps in our power exchange that

512
00:18:16,105 --> 00:18:17,244
I always have

513
00:18:18,105 --> 00:18:20,025
space to let you know what I think,

514
00:18:20,025 --> 00:18:21,384
and we've talked about this in the past

515
00:18:21,384 --> 00:18:22,204
in other episodes.

516
00:18:22,904 --> 00:18:25,304
I can submit to JB because I know

517
00:18:25,304 --> 00:18:26,720
he will listen to me. I will get

518
00:18:26,720 --> 00:18:28,960
the opportunity to share my thoughts, share my

519
00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:30,579
experiences, share what I think,

520
00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:32,799
you know, give advice, say here's what I

521
00:18:32,799 --> 00:18:34,500
would do, whatever, whatever.

522
00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:37,615
And then he'll take that information in, in,

523
00:18:37,615 --> 00:18:39,855
and he may still make a completely different

524
00:18:39,855 --> 00:18:42,015
decision than the one I'm advocating for, but

525
00:18:42,015 --> 00:18:44,015
I know I was heard. Right? I know

526
00:18:44,015 --> 00:18:47,054
that he respected me enough and that he

527
00:18:47,054 --> 00:18:49,474
wanted to hear my opinion on something.

528
00:18:50,509 --> 00:18:52,269
As long as I have that with a

529
00:18:52,269 --> 00:18:54,990
person I trust, who our values align, the

530
00:18:54,990 --> 00:18:55,809
way we kind

531
00:18:56,110 --> 00:18:58,369
of look at life's aligns enough,

532
00:18:58,910 --> 00:19:01,230
then it's easy to to kinda sit back

533
00:19:01,230 --> 00:19:03,230
and go, okay. Now it's on you, and

534
00:19:03,230 --> 00:19:04,875
I will follow whatever you want.

535
00:19:05,434 --> 00:19:06,875
And I think that's where some people get

536
00:19:06,875 --> 00:19:10,234
very confused, you know, about us saying thinking

537
00:19:10,234 --> 00:19:12,315
or feeling that maybe a submissive should not

538
00:19:12,315 --> 00:19:13,994
be too assertive. It's like, no. No. No.

539
00:19:13,994 --> 00:19:15,775
No. No. I tell you what I think.

540
00:19:15,835 --> 00:19:17,130
I let you know what I want.

541
00:19:17,690 --> 00:19:19,950
And then And there's nothing wrong with that.

542
00:19:20,170 --> 00:19:22,250
Not at all. How do you even set

543
00:19:22,250 --> 00:19:24,410
limits and boundaries if you're not communicating what

544
00:19:24,410 --> 00:19:25,789
you think and what you want? Right.

545
00:19:26,490 --> 00:19:28,670
But the submission comes into,

546
00:19:29,049 --> 00:19:31,529
I've said my piece. You know where where

547
00:19:31,529 --> 00:19:33,804
I stand. I will follow what you decide.

548
00:19:33,804 --> 00:19:35,664
You decide and I'm there and I'm supportive.

549
00:19:36,365 --> 00:19:38,684
Sometimes I don't want to be assertive. Sometimes

550
00:19:38,684 --> 00:19:41,325
I'm tired y'all, and I just don't have

551
00:19:41,325 --> 00:19:43,964
it in me. And you'll ask a question

552
00:19:43,964 --> 00:19:44,464
expecting

553
00:19:45,139 --> 00:19:47,139
a direct answer. Here's what I think. And

554
00:19:47,139 --> 00:19:48,659
I'm like, nope. Don't have it in me.

555
00:19:48,659 --> 00:19:50,919
Whatever you wanna do, I'm down for.

556
00:19:51,380 --> 00:19:53,460
And I'm being assertive in the even in

557
00:19:53,460 --> 00:19:55,559
the don't ask me anything kind of thing.

558
00:19:55,619 --> 00:19:57,460
But then there are times, we've done this

559
00:19:57,460 --> 00:19:58,599
a couple times recently,

560
00:19:59,044 --> 00:20:00,585
And I it struck me

561
00:20:01,044 --> 00:20:03,204
because we don't get to I don't feel

562
00:20:03,204 --> 00:20:04,424
this way often enough.

563
00:20:05,125 --> 00:20:05,784
We were

564
00:20:06,644 --> 00:20:08,664
grocery shopping. We were at Sam's Club.

565
00:20:09,284 --> 00:20:11,464
Crazy busy parking lot. I am already

566
00:20:12,085 --> 00:20:13,924
overwhelmed that we haven't walked in the building

567
00:20:13,924 --> 00:20:14,424
yet.

568
00:20:14,779 --> 00:20:16,639
And we needed to get across, and JB's

569
00:20:16,779 --> 00:20:18,460
head on a swivel got the cart. I'm

570
00:20:18,460 --> 00:20:20,399
like, he's down. He's ready.

571
00:20:20,700 --> 00:20:22,539
And I and this little voice in my

572
00:20:22,539 --> 00:20:24,619
head went, you don't even have to look

573
00:20:24,619 --> 00:20:27,115
up. If you just stay in his shadow

574
00:20:27,115 --> 00:20:28,335
and follow him,

575
00:20:28,634 --> 00:20:30,394
he will get you where you need to

576
00:20:30,394 --> 00:20:32,714
be. And no thoughts, just vibes. Like, you

577
00:20:32,714 --> 00:20:34,394
just just don't even worry about and that's

578
00:20:34,394 --> 00:20:35,934
just kind of what I did

579
00:20:36,554 --> 00:20:38,634
until we were actually in the process of

580
00:20:38,634 --> 00:20:41,429
the boring grocery shopping and making decisions. But

581
00:20:41,429 --> 00:20:43,849
in that moment when I felt overwhelmed,

582
00:20:45,190 --> 00:20:47,849
I didn't feel the need to take control

583
00:20:47,909 --> 00:20:50,490
of the situation in order to make myself

584
00:20:50,549 --> 00:20:51,690
feel less overwhelmed.

585
00:20:52,069 --> 00:20:53,750
That was a time when I could give

586
00:20:53,750 --> 00:20:56,605
up all control literally of even cross, like,

587
00:20:56,605 --> 00:20:57,984
how I cross the street

588
00:20:58,765 --> 00:20:59,265
because

589
00:20:59,805 --> 00:21:01,565
I knew I could trust you. I knew

590
00:21:01,565 --> 00:21:03,164
I could follow you. I knew you would

591
00:21:03,164 --> 00:21:04,765
take care of me. And that's in a

592
00:21:04,765 --> 00:21:06,224
very small, like,

593
00:21:06,845 --> 00:21:09,869
everyday sort of way. And I don't kinda

594
00:21:09,869 --> 00:21:12,350
get to feel that way about things very

595
00:21:12,350 --> 00:21:13,410
often because

596
00:21:14,269 --> 00:21:16,670
a lot of the things in our personal

597
00:21:16,670 --> 00:21:18,130
life and our professional life

598
00:21:18,430 --> 00:21:20,269
that we are dealing with and have been

599
00:21:20,269 --> 00:21:20,954
dealing with

600
00:21:21,434 --> 00:21:23,934
requires input from both of us. Right?

601
00:21:24,315 --> 00:21:26,315
Requires both of us to show up and

602
00:21:26,315 --> 00:21:28,154
go, here's what the hell I think, and

603
00:21:28,154 --> 00:21:29,434
here's what I think we should do, and

604
00:21:29,434 --> 00:21:31,134
what do you wanna do and all that.

605
00:21:31,434 --> 00:21:32,815
And so I guess

606
00:21:33,130 --> 00:21:35,769
it's just more noticeable to me in the

607
00:21:35,769 --> 00:21:37,710
small moments when I'm just like,

608
00:21:38,169 --> 00:21:40,890
I'm just a little baby girl following her

609
00:21:40,890 --> 00:21:43,289
daddy doll. I don't have to think about

610
00:21:43,289 --> 00:21:43,789
nothing.

611
00:21:46,105 --> 00:21:48,105
And in that moment, it is fucking delightful,

612
00:21:48,105 --> 00:21:49,785
and I'm here for it. I'm here for

613
00:21:49,785 --> 00:21:50,285
it.

614
00:21:52,984 --> 00:21:53,884
But I

615
00:21:54,424 --> 00:21:56,505
the way I personally am wired, I could

616
00:21:56,505 --> 00:21:59,325
not spend all my time in that headspace,

617
00:21:59,419 --> 00:22:01,819
in that in that place. Because I I

618
00:22:01,819 --> 00:22:04,940
got thoughts and feelings about shit, and I

619
00:22:04,940 --> 00:22:07,039
want to be able to express them.

620
00:22:07,419 --> 00:22:09,339
And I want to be able to express

621
00:22:09,339 --> 00:22:11,119
them to the person who is my partner

622
00:22:11,179 --> 00:22:13,259
in all aspects of life. Right? Like, I

623
00:22:13,259 --> 00:22:15,005
don't wanna just fucking journal them. I don't

624
00:22:15,005 --> 00:22:16,924
wanna just fucking blog them. I wanna look

625
00:22:16,924 --> 00:22:19,005
the person I love the most in the

626
00:22:19,005 --> 00:22:21,644
eyeballs and go, let me tell you, I

627
00:22:21,644 --> 00:22:22,924
kinda thought you were a little bit of

628
00:22:22,924 --> 00:22:24,304
an asshole back there.

629
00:22:26,605 --> 00:22:27,904
She said respectfully.

630
00:22:29,309 --> 00:22:31,630
See, I I do sometimes wonder if JB,

631
00:22:32,029 --> 00:22:34,269
questions his life choices, because he said you

632
00:22:34,269 --> 00:22:36,190
can say literally anything as long as you're

633
00:22:36,190 --> 00:22:38,349
respectful. I'm like, let me show you how

634
00:22:38,349 --> 00:22:39,809
to get cussed out respectfully.

635
00:22:44,294 --> 00:22:46,615
Very rarely. I'll very I actually

636
00:22:48,054 --> 00:22:50,234
the times I need to be assertive because

637
00:22:50,694 --> 00:22:51,515
JB has

638
00:22:51,894 --> 00:22:53,194
oopsied somewhere

639
00:22:53,575 --> 00:22:56,134
in our relationship, I'm near tears having to

640
00:22:56,134 --> 00:22:58,190
go tell him that I think, hey. Something

641
00:22:58,190 --> 00:23:00,049
went off the rails here because

642
00:23:00,910 --> 00:23:01,809
I I don't

643
00:23:04,269 --> 00:23:04,769
I

644
00:23:05,390 --> 00:23:07,070
know JB cannot be put up on a

645
00:23:07,070 --> 00:23:09,150
pedestal because the only way to go from

646
00:23:09,150 --> 00:23:10,715
there is down. And we've we had that

647
00:23:10,715 --> 00:23:12,955
experience early on living together. We had that

648
00:23:12,955 --> 00:23:14,634
experience. I know. And then and then it

649
00:23:14,634 --> 00:23:16,634
happened, and I was like, oh my god.

650
00:23:16,634 --> 00:23:17,035
Is

651
00:23:18,475 --> 00:23:20,555
like, the earth has tilted off its axis.

652
00:23:20,555 --> 00:23:22,555
What is happening? So I know better than

653
00:23:22,555 --> 00:23:24,095
to do that, but to

654
00:23:25,269 --> 00:23:26,329
feel it's important

655
00:23:26,630 --> 00:23:27,369
to me,

656
00:23:27,750 --> 00:23:28,569
to our relationship,

657
00:23:28,869 --> 00:23:32,089
to in a calm, quiet moment to go,

658
00:23:32,789 --> 00:23:34,950
I think you were wrong and it really

659
00:23:34,950 --> 00:23:36,549
pissed me off. I might not say pissed

660
00:23:36,549 --> 00:23:37,450
off. I might.

661
00:23:37,990 --> 00:23:40,115
It's all about the vibes, You know? And

662
00:23:40,115 --> 00:23:41,875
and I think you did this thing wrong.

663
00:23:41,875 --> 00:23:44,115
I don't wanna ever have to tell JB

664
00:23:44,115 --> 00:23:45,554
I think he's wrong or that I it's

665
00:23:45,554 --> 00:23:47,075
not even I think he's wrong. I know

666
00:23:47,075 --> 00:23:49,394
damn well he's fucking wrong, and we've gotta

667
00:23:49,394 --> 00:23:51,794
now deal with it. Like, here's where you

668
00:23:51,794 --> 00:23:53,575
fucked up, she said respectfully.

669
00:23:54,450 --> 00:23:55,890
Here's what I think about it. Here's how

670
00:23:55,890 --> 00:23:56,849
it made me feel. I don't

671
00:23:57,650 --> 00:23:58,630
I I

672
00:23:59,250 --> 00:23:59,909
I want

673
00:24:00,529 --> 00:24:03,089
my daddy dom to always be right in

674
00:24:03,089 --> 00:24:05,269
all things. That is what I want.

675
00:24:06,545 --> 00:24:08,865
That is not how life works. Right? You

676
00:24:08,865 --> 00:24:09,365
are

677
00:24:10,704 --> 00:24:12,625
being right or wrong can be subjective about

678
00:24:12,625 --> 00:24:15,025
certain things when there's no single right way

679
00:24:15,025 --> 00:24:16,804
to accomplish a task. Right?

680
00:24:17,345 --> 00:24:19,105
And so you get to be right most

681
00:24:19,105 --> 00:24:21,045
of the time because you make the decision,

682
00:24:21,420 --> 00:24:22,779
and then I follow your lead and we

683
00:24:22,779 --> 00:24:24,059
get to the outcome we were trying to.

684
00:24:24,059 --> 00:24:26,539
Or we go, oh, I couldn't expect this

685
00:24:26,539 --> 00:24:29,019
outcome, but none of our solutions would have

686
00:24:29,180 --> 00:24:32,700
you know, whatever. But sometimes you're just fucking

687
00:24:32,700 --> 00:24:34,994
wrong about something. And if if

688
00:24:35,534 --> 00:24:36,994
I can't tell him

689
00:24:37,694 --> 00:24:38,674
and have that

690
00:24:39,214 --> 00:24:39,714
dialogue

691
00:24:40,095 --> 00:24:41,534
and get that off my chest and have

692
00:24:41,534 --> 00:24:44,674
that and work through it Mhmm. Then

693
00:24:45,934 --> 00:24:47,774
I who the fuck can I talk to,

694
00:24:47,774 --> 00:24:50,309
1? And 2, that just turns to resentment.

695
00:24:51,170 --> 00:24:51,670
Yeah.

696
00:24:52,049 --> 00:24:53,589
It just turns to resentment.

697
00:24:54,369 --> 00:24:56,930
Or it turns in in my experience, it

698
00:24:56,930 --> 00:24:59,009
turns inward, and now I'm just questioning myself.

699
00:24:59,009 --> 00:25:00,769
I don't even trust myself because I had

700
00:25:00,769 --> 00:25:03,089
a thought. I had a feeling, and I

701
00:25:03,089 --> 00:25:04,769
didn't talk about it with JB. I didn't

702
00:25:04,769 --> 00:25:06,794
work through it. He did not apologize if

703
00:25:06,794 --> 00:25:08,154
that is what was necessary. He did not

704
00:25:08,154 --> 00:25:09,755
change your behavior if that was what was

705
00:25:09,755 --> 00:25:10,255
necessary.

706
00:25:10,794 --> 00:25:13,434
And and I have seen this happen to

707
00:25:13,434 --> 00:25:13,934
some

708
00:25:14,315 --> 00:25:16,575
people who are submissive in a power exchange

709
00:25:16,794 --> 00:25:18,335
where instead of going, hey.

710
00:25:19,039 --> 00:25:21,299
The dumb was kind of the asshole there.

711
00:25:21,679 --> 00:25:24,000
They turn inward. I've done this. Turn inward

712
00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:25,619
and go, what is wrong with me

713
00:25:26,079 --> 00:25:28,399
that I feel this way? And so it's

714
00:25:28,399 --> 00:25:30,640
not even resentment that sometimes builds up. It

715
00:25:30,640 --> 00:25:31,380
can be,

716
00:25:31,759 --> 00:25:33,759
you know, it can be a self esteem

717
00:25:33,759 --> 00:25:35,734
killer in a heartbeat. You question yourself. You

718
00:25:35,734 --> 00:25:36,634
don't trust yourself.

719
00:25:37,174 --> 00:25:39,414
Whereas if I can say what I need

720
00:25:39,414 --> 00:25:41,335
to say, if JB thinks I'm wrong and

721
00:25:41,335 --> 00:25:42,474
he can back up

722
00:25:42,775 --> 00:25:45,015
his claims that I'm wrong, and I'm willing

723
00:25:45,015 --> 00:25:46,615
to listen to him, I'm willing I don't

724
00:25:46,615 --> 00:25:48,054
wanna be told him wrong. I hate being

725
00:25:48,054 --> 00:25:50,069
told him wrong, but I trust him so

726
00:25:50,069 --> 00:25:52,069
he can tell me I'm wrong, and then

727
00:25:52,069 --> 00:25:53,049
I can rethink

728
00:25:53,349 --> 00:25:56,809
my view on something. But that only happens

729
00:25:57,109 --> 00:25:59,690
because there's clear and direct and very honest

730
00:26:00,230 --> 00:26:00,730
communication

731
00:26:01,269 --> 00:26:02,085
between both of

732
00:26:04,484 --> 00:26:06,164
us. Why am I sweating talking about this

733
00:26:06,164 --> 00:26:06,664
topic?

734
00:26:07,365 --> 00:26:09,464
It's a hot topic. It's a hot topic.

735
00:26:12,565 --> 00:26:15,125
Have there been times when you wished I

736
00:26:15,125 --> 00:26:17,065
was not as assertive as I am?

737
00:26:19,019 --> 00:26:20,160
On occasion, yes.

738
00:26:20,619 --> 00:26:22,859
What are those times like? Like, when what

739
00:26:22,859 --> 00:26:24,299
kind of situation are we talking about? How

740
00:26:24,299 --> 00:26:25,660
does it make you feel? All all the

741
00:26:25,660 --> 00:26:26,160
things.

742
00:26:30,075 --> 00:26:32,315
More than anything, I think when it happens,

743
00:26:32,315 --> 00:26:34,634
it it is a, for me, a matter

744
00:26:34,634 --> 00:26:36,654
of a feeling of frustration.

745
00:26:38,914 --> 00:26:39,414
Mhmm.

746
00:26:41,674 --> 00:26:42,894
Like, what kind of frustration?

747
00:26:43,900 --> 00:26:44,960
You know, for example,

748
00:26:47,180 --> 00:26:50,700
I love you. Okay? I unequivocally, I love

749
00:26:50,700 --> 00:26:51,200
you.

750
00:26:53,180 --> 00:26:55,259
But there there there are times I will

751
00:26:55,259 --> 00:26:56,779
come to you and I will ask you

752
00:26:56,779 --> 00:26:57,359
a question,

753
00:26:58,115 --> 00:26:59,795
and I'll be like, I just need a

754
00:26:59,795 --> 00:27:01,795
yes or no. I just need a quick

755
00:27:01,795 --> 00:27:03,474
yes or no. I I I just need

756
00:27:03,474 --> 00:27:06,035
a no. And and you nope. You've given

757
00:27:06,035 --> 00:27:07,174
me the whole story.

758
00:27:07,555 --> 00:27:08,295
The whole

759
00:27:08,595 --> 00:27:10,355
story. I'm sorry. My brain hurts. 2 hours

760
00:27:10,355 --> 00:27:11,795
later, I'm still there waiting for a yes

761
00:27:11,795 --> 00:27:13,095
or no. That's not

762
00:27:13,440 --> 00:27:13,940
true.

763
00:27:15,200 --> 00:27:16,259
Here's the thing.

764
00:27:17,200 --> 00:27:18,559
I think it sucks for you that you

765
00:27:18,559 --> 00:27:20,480
were the safest person I have to communicate

766
00:27:20,480 --> 00:27:22,240
with. I was thinking about this earlier today,

767
00:27:22,240 --> 00:27:23,919
and this is not about being assertive. This

768
00:27:23,919 --> 00:27:25,919
is just about my own sort of personal

769
00:27:25,919 --> 00:27:27,679
journey and figuring out who the hell am

770
00:27:27,679 --> 00:27:28,419
I actually.

771
00:27:29,765 --> 00:27:30,565
And in the

772
00:27:32,085 --> 00:27:34,085
I believe I'm neurospicy. I just don't know

773
00:27:34,085 --> 00:27:34,744
what flavor.

774
00:27:35,605 --> 00:27:37,765
And so masking in the way that is

775
00:27:37,765 --> 00:27:40,904
used typically for neurodivergent people, I I'm positive.

776
00:27:40,964 --> 00:27:42,484
I've been doing that my whole life. I

777
00:27:42,484 --> 00:27:44,109
just look back on my whole life and

778
00:27:44,109 --> 00:27:45,169
I go, oh, oh.

779
00:27:45,470 --> 00:27:46,990
What happened though was not only did I

780
00:27:46,990 --> 00:27:48,509
start working from home where I didn't need

781
00:27:48,509 --> 00:27:50,669
to mask, you are my safe person. Yeah.

782
00:27:50,669 --> 00:27:52,849
You're the last person I'm gonna mask around.

783
00:27:53,230 --> 00:27:55,994
So you remember me with the mask, and

784
00:27:55,994 --> 00:27:57,734
now you know me without the mask. Yeah.

785
00:27:58,194 --> 00:28:01,234
Me with the mask would tear myself internally

786
00:28:01,234 --> 00:28:03,075
into pieces to give you exactly what you

787
00:28:03,075 --> 00:28:04,434
asked for. You wanted a yes or no

788
00:28:04,434 --> 00:28:06,115
question. I don't know how to do it,

789
00:28:06,115 --> 00:28:07,714
and quite frankly, I think my head's gonna

790
00:28:07,714 --> 00:28:10,289
explode, but here, because I'm gonna make you

791
00:28:10,289 --> 00:28:11,430
happy. This is whatever.

792
00:28:12,289 --> 00:28:14,289
And that's outside of power change, make him

793
00:28:14,289 --> 00:28:16,690
happy. Like, that's just my interactions with people.

794
00:28:16,690 --> 00:28:18,630
Give people exactly what they want

795
00:28:19,090 --> 00:28:21,330
even if that's not good for me. Now

796
00:28:21,330 --> 00:28:21,830
I'm

797
00:28:22,289 --> 00:28:24,474
unmasked, I guess, is the right way to

798
00:28:24,474 --> 00:28:25,295
say it. And

799
00:28:26,875 --> 00:28:28,575
you sometimes ask for something

800
00:28:29,355 --> 00:28:31,755
that requires a level of self control that

801
00:28:31,755 --> 00:28:34,980
I don't always have. Sometimes I do, and

802
00:28:34,980 --> 00:28:36,179
sometimes I do not. Because typically when you

803
00:28:36,179 --> 00:28:36,679
want

804
00:28:36,980 --> 00:28:37,480
a

805
00:28:38,179 --> 00:28:39,059
yes or no answer Mhmm. It's on something

806
00:28:39,059 --> 00:28:40,679
that is, subjective. It is complex. There is

807
00:28:41,140 --> 00:28:41,640
nuance.

808
00:28:43,700 --> 00:28:44,450
There is

809
00:28:49,404 --> 00:28:50,625
no one for nuance.

810
00:28:50,924 --> 00:28:51,585
But sometimes

811
00:28:52,045 --> 00:28:54,285
But sometimes you want yes or no, and

812
00:28:54,285 --> 00:28:55,025
I'm actually

813
00:28:55,404 --> 00:28:57,805
I'm over here going, actually, there's a third

814
00:28:57,805 --> 00:29:00,065
option you haven't thought about called

815
00:29:00,605 --> 00:29:03,005
maybe. Right? Or you want a yes or

816
00:29:03,005 --> 00:29:03,484
no,

817
00:29:03,805 --> 00:29:06,339
answer on this question, but that's not actually

818
00:29:06,339 --> 00:29:08,099
the question you should be asking. And guess

819
00:29:08,099 --> 00:29:08,599
what?

820
00:29:08,900 --> 00:29:11,700
I will, like, word vomit all the fuck

821
00:29:11,700 --> 00:29:13,380
over you because you will listen to me.

822
00:29:13,380 --> 00:29:13,880
Mhmm.

823
00:29:14,660 --> 00:29:16,734
And so I know I can't. And I'm

824
00:29:16,734 --> 00:29:17,794
not saying that's

825
00:29:18,095 --> 00:29:19,454
a a a trait I should be proud

826
00:29:19,454 --> 00:29:21,694
of. You gotta have you gotta learn how

827
00:29:21,694 --> 00:29:24,015
to, you know, communicate the way people need

828
00:29:24,015 --> 00:29:24,835
you to communicate

829
00:29:25,294 --> 00:29:27,454
if they are worth taking the time and

830
00:29:27,454 --> 00:29:28,914
effort to do that.

831
00:29:30,200 --> 00:29:31,660
But, yes, I have seen the frustration.

832
00:29:34,200 --> 00:29:35,259
Now now see,

833
00:29:35,559 --> 00:29:38,759
here's something that I've been noodling Okay. Okay,

834
00:29:38,759 --> 00:29:39,500
on this

835
00:29:40,279 --> 00:29:41,339
particular topic.

836
00:29:42,944 --> 00:29:43,845
K? So

837
00:29:44,865 --> 00:29:46,005
if I come to you,

838
00:29:47,105 --> 00:29:48,244
and I have a question,

839
00:29:48,944 --> 00:29:50,704
and I tell you I want I I

840
00:29:50,704 --> 00:29:52,384
just need a yes or no. Mhmm. Just

841
00:29:52,384 --> 00:29:53,525
need a yes or no.

842
00:29:55,549 --> 00:29:57,630
By you giving me a yes or no

843
00:29:57,630 --> 00:29:58,849
without any other

844
00:30:00,670 --> 00:30:02,049
any any other filler,

845
00:30:02,750 --> 00:30:04,130
you're doing me an act of service.

846
00:30:04,990 --> 00:30:06,509
Okay. But I'm gonna need to know, in

847
00:30:06,509 --> 00:30:08,615
the negotiation of this act of service,

848
00:30:08,914 --> 00:30:10,515
when will I get to say all of

849
00:30:10,515 --> 00:30:12,115
the things I need to say about that

850
00:30:12,115 --> 00:30:12,615
topic?

851
00:30:13,315 --> 00:30:13,815
And

852
00:30:15,634 --> 00:30:17,075
when you come and ask me for a

853
00:30:17,075 --> 00:30:18,755
yes or no Mhmm. And you want a

854
00:30:18,755 --> 00:30:20,674
one word answer, am I allowed to say

855
00:30:21,900 --> 00:30:24,720
okay. It's 2 words. It depends. And then

856
00:30:25,740 --> 00:30:27,980
and then at some point in the near

857
00:30:27,980 --> 00:30:29,900
future, while I can still even remember the

858
00:30:29,900 --> 00:30:32,160
fucking topic and my own thoughts about it,

859
00:30:32,380 --> 00:30:33,660
can I then tell you all the things

860
00:30:33,660 --> 00:30:34,400
I was thinking?

861
00:30:36,035 --> 00:30:36,535
I

862
00:30:37,154 --> 00:30:37,654
I

863
00:30:38,035 --> 00:30:39,875
have my whole fucking life been a person

864
00:30:39,875 --> 00:30:41,154
who's like, if I don't say the thoughts

865
00:30:41,154 --> 00:30:42,515
I'm thinking right now, they're gone and I'll

866
00:30:42,515 --> 00:30:43,734
never get to say them again.

867
00:30:44,115 --> 00:30:45,815
That does not make me a good conversationalist,

868
00:30:46,515 --> 00:30:47,894
which is why in conversation,

869
00:30:48,269 --> 00:30:49,789
like, back and forth, like, in groups, I

870
00:30:49,789 --> 00:30:51,390
just don't say fucking anything because I know

871
00:30:51,390 --> 00:30:51,970
I suck.

872
00:30:54,750 --> 00:30:55,250
But

873
00:30:57,470 --> 00:30:59,009
I if I know

874
00:30:59,470 --> 00:31:01,730
the opportunity is there later

875
00:31:02,265 --> 00:31:04,525
after you get what you're asking for Mhmm.

876
00:31:04,664 --> 00:31:05,724
That is easier

877
00:31:06,025 --> 00:31:07,884
to give you what you're asking for.

878
00:31:09,065 --> 00:31:11,625
Does that make sense? Like, could you, in

879
00:31:11,625 --> 00:31:12,445
those moments

880
00:31:14,265 --> 00:31:16,639
we're just negotiating now. Here's what we're this

881
00:31:16,639 --> 00:31:18,240
active service. This is the negotiation. This is

882
00:31:18,240 --> 00:31:20,159
the thing I'm asking for. You come to

883
00:31:20,159 --> 00:31:21,519
me and say, I just need a yes

884
00:31:21,519 --> 00:31:22,899
or no answer. Right.

885
00:31:23,279 --> 00:31:25,200
What I am asking for are 2 things,

886
00:31:25,200 --> 00:31:26,799
for it to be okay for the answer

887
00:31:26,799 --> 00:31:29,139
to be it depends or maybe

888
00:31:29,444 --> 00:31:31,284
because it really is too complex for yes

889
00:31:31,284 --> 00:31:31,944
or no.

890
00:31:32,565 --> 00:31:33,065
And

891
00:31:34,085 --> 00:31:34,825
a time

892
00:31:36,005 --> 00:31:37,924
later, not too far later because the thoughts

893
00:31:37,924 --> 00:31:40,565
will just vanish. Mhmm. I can tell you

894
00:31:40,565 --> 00:31:41,730
all the things I was was thinking. Unless

895
00:31:41,730 --> 00:31:43,569
you ask right then, because then if you

896
00:31:43,569 --> 00:31:44,069
say,

897
00:31:44,450 --> 00:31:46,230
what do you mean it depends?

898
00:31:49,089 --> 00:31:50,450
I feel like you've done it to yourself

899
00:31:50,450 --> 00:31:52,769
at that point. But if if you're like,

900
00:31:52,769 --> 00:31:54,609
okay. That's information. I'll come back and we'll

901
00:31:54,609 --> 00:31:56,484
talk about it later. Can we do it

902
00:31:56,484 --> 00:31:57,144
that way?

903
00:32:00,164 --> 00:32:03,285
Yeah. I think so. Okay. I will do

904
00:32:03,285 --> 00:32:03,944
my best

905
00:32:04,884 --> 00:32:07,684
and because I will forget this conversation ever

906
00:32:07,684 --> 00:32:08,609
fucking took place.

907
00:32:09,569 --> 00:32:11,250
At least No. It's it's on right now.

908
00:32:11,250 --> 00:32:12,690
No. No. No. I'm not saying it's not.

909
00:32:12,690 --> 00:32:14,529
I'm gonna pretend it didn't take place. I

910
00:32:14,529 --> 00:32:15,029
mean,

911
00:32:15,410 --> 00:32:17,190
the memory of it will be gone.

912
00:32:17,490 --> 00:32:20,769
The, reminder is we negotiated this, and then

913
00:32:20,769 --> 00:32:22,450
it'll trigger the memory and I'll I'll have

914
00:32:22,450 --> 00:32:24,289
it. Okay. Look. I got filing cabinets in

915
00:32:24,289 --> 00:32:25,865
my brain, and some of them are crusty

916
00:32:25,865 --> 00:32:27,865
dusty. And if you don't say the right

917
00:32:27,865 --> 00:32:28,365
word,

918
00:32:28,984 --> 00:32:31,065
I can't open it. I can't find that

919
00:32:31,065 --> 00:32:33,144
memory. Mhmm. Mhmm. So, yeah, if you just

920
00:32:33,144 --> 00:32:35,384
remind me we negotiated this, then that'll be

921
00:32:35,384 --> 00:32:38,210
the memory trigger until I get used to

922
00:32:38,210 --> 00:32:40,690
it. Yeah. Because it's really very rare you

923
00:32:40,690 --> 00:32:42,390
come to me and tell me

924
00:32:42,769 --> 00:32:44,230
I just need a simple answer.

925
00:32:44,769 --> 00:32:46,049
Most of the time, if you're coming to

926
00:32:46,049 --> 00:32:47,490
me to ask me a question, you

927
00:32:48,210 --> 00:32:50,529
maybe you just mentally prepare yourself for it.

928
00:32:50,529 --> 00:32:52,875
You just know there's gonna be a conversation.

929
00:32:54,134 --> 00:32:55,755
To have a full cup of coffee?

930
00:32:57,174 --> 00:32:59,674
I do. You know, I'm not completely oblivious.

931
00:32:59,734 --> 00:33:01,674
I do try to

932
00:33:02,134 --> 00:33:04,294
pay attention to timing. I know. You know?

933
00:33:04,294 --> 00:33:06,855
I know. Well, I mean, for for several

934
00:33:06,855 --> 00:33:08,490
years, we had the signal. Signal. We stopped

935
00:33:08,490 --> 00:33:09,529
using it, and then I used it the

936
00:33:09,529 --> 00:33:10,490
other day and you picked it up like

937
00:33:10,490 --> 00:33:12,250
it was nothing. I would say, is your

938
00:33:12,250 --> 00:33:14,269
green light on? Which means he's

939
00:33:14,809 --> 00:33:16,970
focused enough on me. He can hear my

940
00:33:16,970 --> 00:33:18,430
voice and he's taking in the information.

941
00:33:20,474 --> 00:33:21,914
Quite frankly, the way you know the green

942
00:33:21,914 --> 00:33:23,035
light is not on is if you go,

943
00:33:23,035 --> 00:33:24,394
is your green light on and you get

944
00:33:24,394 --> 00:33:25,054
no answers?

945
00:33:25,674 --> 00:33:29,115
Nope. Green it's red. It's definitely not on.

946
00:33:29,115 --> 00:33:30,174
It's not on.

947
00:33:30,554 --> 00:33:31,994
He doesn't even know I'm in the room

948
00:33:31,994 --> 00:33:33,615
breathing with them at that point.

949
00:33:36,039 --> 00:33:38,279
So I separated these this out into 2

950
00:33:38,279 --> 00:33:39,559
separate things, but I think we can talk

951
00:33:39,559 --> 00:33:41,240
about it kind of together. And we kinda

952
00:33:41,240 --> 00:33:42,299
talked about 1 already.

953
00:33:43,240 --> 00:33:43,980
It's where

954
00:33:44,839 --> 00:33:46,380
the idea of being assertive

955
00:33:46,919 --> 00:33:47,835
gets a bad rap.

956
00:33:48,634 --> 00:33:50,234
One is the one that annoyed me, so

957
00:33:50,234 --> 00:33:51,355
I had to make we had to do

958
00:33:51,355 --> 00:33:52,095
this topic,

959
00:33:52,634 --> 00:33:54,255
that being assertive is not

960
00:33:54,714 --> 00:33:56,634
the same as being bratty. Those are 2

961
00:33:56,634 --> 00:33:59,034
separate things that, yes, somebody can be both.

962
00:33:59,034 --> 00:34:01,809
Mhmm. But the other one is that being

963
00:34:01,809 --> 00:34:02,309
assertive

964
00:34:02,690 --> 00:34:03,829
is not being

965
00:34:04,210 --> 00:34:06,929
demanding. Oh, that you don't. Demanding is a

966
00:34:06,929 --> 00:34:09,969
whole thing on itself. And it can sound

967
00:34:09,969 --> 00:34:12,230
and look a little bit like being assertive.

968
00:34:12,449 --> 00:34:13,989
Yeah. But I think

969
00:34:16,055 --> 00:34:18,775
I think I I think the difference between

970
00:34:18,775 --> 00:34:20,474
the 2 can be summed up in,

971
00:34:21,095 --> 00:34:23,195
you know, if you're demand if someone's demanding,

972
00:34:23,735 --> 00:34:26,055
they're like, I want this right now. Mhmm.

973
00:34:26,055 --> 00:34:27,994
I don't wanna wait. Get this to me.

974
00:34:28,614 --> 00:34:30,555
Right. And and assertive would be,

975
00:34:31,250 --> 00:34:33,429
okay, here's what we're looking at,

976
00:34:33,889 --> 00:34:36,369
and moving forward we need to take these

977
00:34:36,369 --> 00:34:38,150
steps to get this done. Right.

978
00:34:38,690 --> 00:34:40,369
You talk like a dom. It's I love

979
00:34:40,369 --> 00:34:41,809
it. I'm gonna do it from a submissive

980
00:34:41,809 --> 00:34:42,869
perspective. Okay.

981
00:34:43,329 --> 00:34:44,469
Assertive is,

982
00:34:45,364 --> 00:34:46,744
this is the thing I would like.

983
00:34:47,125 --> 00:34:48,405
This is the thing I feel like I

984
00:34:48,405 --> 00:34:48,905
need.

985
00:34:50,005 --> 00:34:51,764
And then asking the direct question, is this

986
00:34:51,764 --> 00:34:52,824
something you can provide?

987
00:34:53,284 --> 00:34:53,784
Demanding

988
00:34:54,324 --> 00:34:55,684
is what a lot of,

989
00:34:56,405 --> 00:34:59,420
air quotes, missives do typically in FetLife DMs.

990
00:34:59,800 --> 00:35:01,480
Here are the list of things that I

991
00:35:01,480 --> 00:35:03,559
will do and you can do to me

992
00:35:03,559 --> 00:35:05,579
and I want you to do to me.

993
00:35:06,039 --> 00:35:07,980
We I don't even know your name.

994
00:35:08,599 --> 00:35:09,980
We haven't had a conversation.

995
00:35:10,359 --> 00:35:12,744
And this isn't a question of would you

996
00:35:12,744 --> 00:35:13,405
be willing,

997
00:35:13,784 --> 00:35:15,565
can you, will you,

998
00:35:15,945 --> 00:35:18,505
do you fucking want to? Like, there is

999
00:35:18,505 --> 00:35:19,244
an assumption

1000
00:35:19,864 --> 00:35:22,125
that I will proclaim these things,

1001
00:35:22,664 --> 00:35:23,644
and then you,

1002
00:35:24,264 --> 00:35:25,324
oh kink dispenser,

1003
00:35:26,664 --> 00:35:27,840
will just provide.

1004
00:35:28,400 --> 00:35:28,900
That's

1005
00:35:29,440 --> 00:35:31,519
a form Put in your coin drop your

1006
00:35:31,519 --> 00:35:33,219
coins and pull the knob. Right.

1007
00:35:33,680 --> 00:35:36,400
That would be, for me, demanding. Mhmm. And,

1008
00:35:36,400 --> 00:35:36,900
again,

1009
00:35:37,440 --> 00:35:39,920
because let's let's be real. We're I'm using

1010
00:35:39,920 --> 00:35:41,840
brat because it gets such a fucking bad

1011
00:35:41,840 --> 00:35:42,340
rap.

1012
00:35:43,735 --> 00:35:45,355
You could be a demanding brat,

1013
00:35:46,295 --> 00:35:48,454
which I think is like bratty squared. Like,

1014
00:35:48,454 --> 00:35:50,155
it's just bratty times bratty.

1015
00:35:54,375 --> 00:35:56,795
And I I think quite frankly for

1016
00:35:57,130 --> 00:35:58,809
many brats, it would sort of take some

1017
00:35:58,809 --> 00:35:59,769
of the fun out of it. Like, if

1018
00:35:59,769 --> 00:36:00,269
I

1019
00:36:00,650 --> 00:36:02,570
I'm not a brat, but I man, I'll

1020
00:36:02,570 --> 00:36:04,409
play on that line. Like, I'll walk that

1021
00:36:04,409 --> 00:36:04,909
edge.

1022
00:36:05,530 --> 00:36:07,210
Mostly, I want to be the good girl

1023
00:36:07,210 --> 00:36:09,289
who does what she's told. I just I

1024
00:36:09,289 --> 00:36:10,429
just think I'm funny.

1025
00:36:12,364 --> 00:36:14,704
I could pretend to be demanding for

1026
00:36:15,005 --> 00:36:17,164
the reaction I'm gonna get if I think

1027
00:36:17,164 --> 00:36:17,905
the reaction

1028
00:36:18,764 --> 00:36:21,184
is gonna be the reaction I want.

1029
00:36:21,804 --> 00:36:23,585
But I have learned the lesson

1030
00:36:23,964 --> 00:36:26,045
that for all that JB is a daddy

1031
00:36:26,045 --> 00:36:28,369
dom, he's also a sadistic motherfucker,

1032
00:36:29,710 --> 00:36:30,210
literally.

1033
00:36:32,269 --> 00:36:32,769
And,

1034
00:36:34,670 --> 00:36:36,609
he he knows the greatest punishment

1035
00:36:37,150 --> 00:36:38,909
is to not at all give me what

1036
00:36:38,909 --> 00:36:41,295
I want and to give me fucking nothing

1037
00:36:41,454 --> 00:36:42,734
and to make sure I know why I'm

1038
00:36:42,734 --> 00:36:45,454
not getting anything. So guess what? Demanding gets

1039
00:36:45,454 --> 00:36:47,135
me no fucking wear. But that's what I

1040
00:36:47,135 --> 00:36:48,894
was talking about earlier. Like, for me to

1041
00:36:48,894 --> 00:36:50,655
be assertive, I'm gonna let you know what

1042
00:36:50,655 --> 00:36:52,255
I want or what I'd like or what

1043
00:36:52,255 --> 00:36:54,255
I wish for or what I need or

1044
00:36:54,255 --> 00:36:56,650
whatever whatever. Right. And then I'm gonna step

1045
00:36:56,650 --> 00:36:58,730
back and go, but it's your decision and

1046
00:36:58,730 --> 00:37:00,349
then whatever you decide,

1047
00:37:00,889 --> 00:37:03,050
I'm going to abide by it. Mhmm. Because

1048
00:37:03,050 --> 00:37:04,809
whatever he's gonna decide is gonna be within

1049
00:37:04,809 --> 00:37:06,349
my boundaries and limits, y'all.

1050
00:37:06,809 --> 00:37:08,969
The thing that makes that easier, and it's

1051
00:37:08,969 --> 00:37:11,015
a trust thing, and it took time to

1052
00:37:11,015 --> 00:37:12,934
get there, not that long, but it did

1053
00:37:12,934 --> 00:37:15,095
take time, is that I know, and I

1054
00:37:15,095 --> 00:37:16,954
have learned the hard way,

1055
00:37:17,575 --> 00:37:19,755
because I didn't say I wasn't pushy sometimes.

1056
00:37:21,815 --> 00:37:23,815
I think that's the the the

1057
00:37:25,920 --> 00:37:27,460
in the, oh god,

1058
00:37:27,920 --> 00:37:28,420
spectrum

1059
00:37:28,719 --> 00:37:31,519
from assertive to demanding. Pushy is in there

1060
00:37:31,519 --> 00:37:32,659
a little bit.

1061
00:37:32,960 --> 00:37:35,299
It's it's closer to demanding, but it's

1062
00:37:35,599 --> 00:37:38,079
anyway Not not all the way there. What

1063
00:37:38,079 --> 00:37:40,179
I know will happen from experience

1064
00:37:40,655 --> 00:37:42,335
is that I will not get the thing

1065
00:37:42,335 --> 00:37:44,335
I asked for exactly the way I asked

1066
00:37:44,335 --> 00:37:46,815
for it. I will not get it exactly

1067
00:37:46,815 --> 00:37:49,474
when I asked for it. It will be

1068
00:37:49,934 --> 00:37:52,275
JB's version of the thing I wanted.

1069
00:37:53,599 --> 00:37:56,019
And that for me is part of submission.

1070
00:37:56,079 --> 00:37:58,640
It's saying, I really want this thing, and

1071
00:37:58,640 --> 00:38:01,380
I know through our conversations and our negotiation

1072
00:38:01,440 --> 00:38:03,920
that you will provide this. Right? It's why

1073
00:38:03,920 --> 00:38:04,980
we work. Right?

1074
00:38:05,760 --> 00:38:08,375
But and it's both the fun thing and

1075
00:38:08,375 --> 00:38:09,755
kind of the scary thing.

1076
00:38:10,135 --> 00:38:11,194
You will do it

1077
00:38:11,494 --> 00:38:12,315
your way

1078
00:38:12,614 --> 00:38:13,594
on your time

1079
00:38:13,974 --> 00:38:14,474
Mhmm.

1080
00:38:14,775 --> 00:38:15,434
You know,

1081
00:38:15,734 --> 00:38:18,214
as the dom. I will not dictate any

1082
00:38:18,214 --> 00:38:20,219
of that. That's true. And so what that

1083
00:38:20,380 --> 00:38:20,880
means

1084
00:38:22,219 --> 00:38:24,219
is that I've learned years ago, learned the

1085
00:38:24,219 --> 00:38:26,300
lessons the hard way that what you then

1086
00:38:26,300 --> 00:38:28,539
don't do is go, but when? But when,

1087
00:38:28,539 --> 00:38:29,599
daddy? But when?

1088
00:38:29,900 --> 00:38:32,474
Because then the answer is for never. It's

1089
00:38:32,555 --> 00:38:35,035
fucking never now. I will make you wait

1090
00:38:35,035 --> 00:38:35,535
longer.

1091
00:38:37,275 --> 00:38:38,175
What I understand

1092
00:38:38,875 --> 00:38:40,735
I understood later about myself

1093
00:38:41,035 --> 00:38:42,315
that I didn't understand at the time. It

1094
00:38:42,315 --> 00:38:43,595
was a trust thing. I didn't know if

1095
00:38:43,595 --> 00:38:45,035
I would get it, so I worried I

1096
00:38:45,035 --> 00:38:46,015
would not get it.

1097
00:38:46,315 --> 00:38:46,815
And

1098
00:38:47,190 --> 00:38:49,109
when I finally, like, I don't know, light

1099
00:38:49,109 --> 00:38:50,570
bulb moment kinda thing,

1100
00:38:51,589 --> 00:38:53,670
and I realized, wait. If I just tell

1101
00:38:53,670 --> 00:38:55,449
him and then step back,

1102
00:38:56,630 --> 00:38:58,309
it's gonna be good. It's not gonna be

1103
00:38:58,309 --> 00:39:01,130
what I envisioned, but it's gonna be good.

1104
00:39:02,085 --> 00:39:04,505
And then that's when I developed the dreaded

1105
00:39:04,644 --> 00:39:05,784
p word, patience,

1106
00:39:06,405 --> 00:39:06,984
but I

1107
00:39:08,405 --> 00:39:10,505
I developed patience through fuckery

1108
00:39:12,005 --> 00:39:12,984
because you forced

1109
00:39:14,324 --> 00:39:15,871
me to. Because you forced me to. Pretty

1110
00:39:15,871 --> 00:39:16,905
much, yeah. I did.

1111
00:39:18,719 --> 00:39:21,360
Mhmm. But you agreed to it. Yeah. Because

1112
00:39:21,360 --> 00:39:22,820
you you didn't

1113
00:39:23,280 --> 00:39:26,079
say no. Right. You know, this is so

1114
00:39:26,160 --> 00:39:26,660
yeah.

1115
00:39:27,199 --> 00:39:29,380
Yeah. I mean, but part of it's because

1116
00:39:29,679 --> 00:39:30,179
it's

1117
00:39:30,880 --> 00:39:33,125
for us, in in the way we kind

1118
00:39:33,125 --> 00:39:36,005
of navigate our different roles and head spaces

1119
00:39:36,005 --> 00:39:37,144
and the things we like,

1120
00:39:37,844 --> 00:39:39,304
the submissive in me

1121
00:39:39,684 --> 00:39:42,025
wants to be taken care of

1122
00:39:42,405 --> 00:39:45,269
and follow the lead of my dom. Right?

1123
00:39:45,429 --> 00:39:47,909
So whatever he's decided within the scope of

1124
00:39:47,909 --> 00:39:49,510
what I'm okay with, I just wanna do

1125
00:39:49,510 --> 00:39:51,449
it. Baby girl in me

1126
00:39:51,989 --> 00:39:54,150
has some shit to say, and I think

1127
00:39:54,150 --> 00:39:54,890
I'm hilarious.

1128
00:39:55,510 --> 00:39:56,949
And I wanna laugh, and I wanna be

1129
00:39:56,949 --> 00:39:58,250
goofy and silly. Right?

1130
00:39:58,784 --> 00:40:00,545
The masochist is like, okay. I'm gonna need

1131
00:40:00,545 --> 00:40:02,005
you to make me suffer for this.

1132
00:40:04,385 --> 00:40:05,444
And, you know,

1133
00:40:06,224 --> 00:40:08,304
I talk about those things like they're 3

1134
00:40:08,304 --> 00:40:08,804
distinct

1135
00:40:09,105 --> 00:40:10,864
parts of who I am, but they there's

1136
00:40:10,864 --> 00:40:11,844
all this overlap.

1137
00:40:12,144 --> 00:40:13,920
Some days, I'm more of a baby girl

1138
00:40:14,239 --> 00:40:16,480
Some days I'm more of a masochistic baby

1139
00:40:16,480 --> 00:40:17,219
girl. Like,

1140
00:40:17,920 --> 00:40:19,280
some You spin the wheel and take the

1141
00:40:19,280 --> 00:40:20,339
camps. Right.

1142
00:40:21,119 --> 00:40:23,280
May the odds be ever in your favor

1143
00:40:23,280 --> 00:40:25,219
of who I am on any given day.

1144
00:40:25,280 --> 00:40:28,179
But what that ends up meaning is that

1145
00:40:28,894 --> 00:40:31,554
by asserting what I I need and want

1146
00:40:31,695 --> 00:40:33,695
and then stepping back and just letting it

1147
00:40:33,695 --> 00:40:34,835
happen when it happens,

1148
00:40:35,934 --> 00:40:38,734
if he's feeling his sadistic self, he's gonna

1149
00:40:38,734 --> 00:40:41,054
make me wait a long time or he's

1150
00:40:41,054 --> 00:40:41,875
going to

1151
00:40:42,480 --> 00:40:44,880
interpret my words the way it's like the

1152
00:40:44,880 --> 00:40:46,659
genie when you're asking the question

1153
00:40:46,960 --> 00:40:48,260
and they find the loophole.

1154
00:40:49,039 --> 00:40:50,019
If I say,

1155
00:40:50,719 --> 00:40:52,559
daddy, I really need a spanking. Like, I

1156
00:40:52,559 --> 00:40:54,320
I just I really needed this. It's been

1157
00:40:54,320 --> 00:40:57,425
a hot minute. But I don't then say

1158
00:40:57,724 --> 00:40:59,565
I needed to feel like a deep tissue

1159
00:40:59,565 --> 00:41:02,224
massage. Oh, I'll get the spanking. She will.

1160
00:41:02,445 --> 00:41:04,285
I absolutely will. Might not be that dead,

1161
00:41:04,285 --> 00:41:05,805
but I will get it. But if I

1162
00:41:05,805 --> 00:41:07,965
do not specify and try to close all

1163
00:41:07,965 --> 00:41:10,320
the loopholes I can think of, it will

1164
00:41:10,320 --> 00:41:10,820
be

1165
00:41:11,119 --> 00:41:12,260
with the stingiest

1166
00:41:12,559 --> 00:41:15,200
fucking toy that he knows that I don't

1167
00:41:15,200 --> 00:41:15,700
love.

1168
00:41:16,400 --> 00:41:18,400
And when I'm like, daddy, no. Why? This

1169
00:41:18,400 --> 00:41:20,800
hurts. He's like, you asked for it. I'm

1170
00:41:20,800 --> 00:41:23,280
just providing what you asked for. I'm providing

1171
00:41:23,280 --> 00:41:23,940
my service.

1172
00:41:27,635 --> 00:41:29,175
But but when I'm in my masochistic

1173
00:41:29,474 --> 00:41:32,434
feels, I'm complaining, but I'm fucking loving it.

1174
00:41:32,434 --> 00:41:32,934
Right?

1175
00:41:35,635 --> 00:41:36,454
And so

1176
00:41:37,155 --> 00:41:38,295
yeah. I mean,

1177
00:41:39,635 --> 00:41:40,135
thankfully,

1178
00:41:41,650 --> 00:41:43,030
we're compatible clearly,

1179
00:41:43,409 --> 00:41:45,989
but we are not identical. Right? Like Right.

1180
00:41:46,289 --> 00:41:49,250
So I might be in a masochist baby

1181
00:41:49,250 --> 00:41:51,170
girl headspace, and you might be in the,

1182
00:41:51,170 --> 00:41:53,329
I'm kind of the serious, stern dom right

1183
00:41:53,329 --> 00:41:55,250
now, and I don't really, like, have patience

1184
00:41:55,250 --> 00:41:56,550
for the baby girl stuff.

1185
00:41:57,305 --> 00:41:58,684
What I have found

1186
00:41:59,144 --> 00:42:00,605
most of the time

1187
00:42:01,785 --> 00:42:02,684
is that

1188
00:42:03,545 --> 00:42:05,244
we can shift for each other.

1189
00:42:05,785 --> 00:42:08,605
Mhmm. Like, if you see me being playful

1190
00:42:08,905 --> 00:42:11,144
but basically egging you on to make it

1191
00:42:11,144 --> 00:42:13,282
hurt more, and you know even if you

1192
00:42:13,282 --> 00:42:15,182
didn't walk in in that mindset, if you're

1193
00:42:15,182 --> 00:42:17,082
down for it, if you're if you're into

1194
00:42:17,082 --> 00:42:19,457
it Mhmm. You'll shift a little bit. Yeah.

1195
00:42:19,457 --> 00:42:21,357
There there there are times it can definitely

1196
00:42:21,357 --> 00:42:23,257
shift the mindset, and then there are times

1197
00:42:23,257 --> 00:42:25,715
I just Just can't. No matter what. And

1198
00:42:25,715 --> 00:42:27,715
then my job is either to shift or

1199
00:42:27,715 --> 00:42:28,994
we have to go, okay. Maybe this is

1200
00:42:28,994 --> 00:42:30,375
the habit of play today.

1201
00:42:30,755 --> 00:42:33,094
Not the time for this. And, you know,

1202
00:42:34,675 --> 00:42:35,635
I don't know what that has to do

1203
00:42:35,635 --> 00:42:37,474
with being assertive, but we I got well,

1204
00:42:37,474 --> 00:42:38,594
I think I got off on a little

1205
00:42:38,594 --> 00:42:40,289
tangent there. Whatever. It was fun.

1206
00:42:43,730 --> 00:42:45,730
Okay. Other than the not being able to

1207
00:42:45,730 --> 00:42:47,170
just give you a clear answer when you

1208
00:42:47,170 --> 00:42:49,170
ask for a yes or no, is there

1209
00:42:49,170 --> 00:42:51,190
anything about me being assertive

1210
00:42:52,050 --> 00:42:52,550
that

1211
00:42:53,410 --> 00:42:56,824
surprises you that you had to adjust to?

1212
00:42:57,224 --> 00:42:59,304
After all, after the time we've we've been

1213
00:42:59,304 --> 00:43:01,545
together, there's nothing about it that surprises me

1214
00:43:01,545 --> 00:43:03,545
anymore. Oh, good. Good. I don't think I

1215
00:43:03,545 --> 00:43:05,144
have any more tricks at my sleeve. I

1216
00:43:05,144 --> 00:43:07,224
I hope not. I hope not too. Not

1217
00:43:07,224 --> 00:43:08,969
sure I can handle any new tricks right

1218
00:43:10,409 --> 00:43:11,230
now. No.

1219
00:43:11,609 --> 00:43:12,109
But,

1220
00:43:12,889 --> 00:43:15,050
you know, yeah, you I and, you know,

1221
00:43:15,050 --> 00:43:16,190
the funny thing is

1222
00:43:16,489 --> 00:43:18,429
is that now, at this point,

1223
00:43:20,170 --> 00:43:22,250
I I couldn't see you any other way.

1224
00:43:22,250 --> 00:43:22,750
Mhmm.

1225
00:43:24,965 --> 00:43:26,244
Thank god because I don't think I could

1226
00:43:26,244 --> 00:43:28,565
be any other way. If I so like

1227
00:43:28,565 --> 00:43:30,244
I said before, I am not assertive in

1228
00:43:30,244 --> 00:43:32,644
all things all the time everywhere. Like, that's

1229
00:43:32,644 --> 00:43:33,704
not that's not.

1230
00:43:34,005 --> 00:43:36,244
But I am assertive more often than I

1231
00:43:36,244 --> 00:43:36,985
am not.

1232
00:43:37,844 --> 00:43:38,664
And so

1233
00:43:39,510 --> 00:43:42,070
if I stopped being assertive, you would you

1234
00:43:42,070 --> 00:43:42,969
would take note.

1235
00:43:43,349 --> 00:43:45,909
I think here's my belief. I think for

1236
00:43:45,909 --> 00:43:47,510
about 5 minutes, he'd go, oh, this is

1237
00:43:47,510 --> 00:43:48,570
nice, and he

1238
00:43:48,869 --> 00:43:50,390
he would enjoy it. And then there would

1239
00:43:50,390 --> 00:43:52,164
come a point where he's like, no. Fuck.

1240
00:43:52,164 --> 00:43:53,844
I was expecting her to speak up here.

1241
00:43:53,844 --> 00:43:56,405
Something's not right. Then you'd come What what

1242
00:43:56,405 --> 00:43:58,085
is this trembling in the force? Right. What

1243
00:43:58,085 --> 00:43:59,144
is happening here?

1244
00:44:00,164 --> 00:44:00,664
Thankfully,

1245
00:44:01,284 --> 00:44:03,364
I feel safe enough, and I and our

1246
00:44:03,364 --> 00:44:05,125
trust levels are good, and our communication is

1247
00:44:05,125 --> 00:44:07,489
good, and I am assertive enough to actually

1248
00:44:07,489 --> 00:44:08,550
be able to say,

1249
00:44:09,010 --> 00:44:10,769
I I can't I can't do this. I

1250
00:44:10,769 --> 00:44:12,609
don't have it in me, whatever it might

1251
00:44:12,609 --> 00:44:14,530
be. Right? Like, you wanna talk about something,

1252
00:44:14,530 --> 00:44:16,690
you need my opinion. We wanna renegotiate something.

1253
00:44:16,690 --> 00:44:19,905
We want something where under different circumstances, I

1254
00:44:19,905 --> 00:44:21,125
would be very assertive.

1255
00:44:24,545 --> 00:44:26,065
Robert pointed out in the live chat something

1256
00:44:26,065 --> 00:44:28,224
we said at the kind of alluded to

1257
00:44:28,224 --> 00:44:29,204
at the very top.

1258
00:44:29,585 --> 00:44:31,285
And the it's

1259
00:44:31,664 --> 00:44:32,565
why assertive

1260
00:44:33,480 --> 00:44:35,019
can be by some people

1261
00:44:35,719 --> 00:44:38,440
deemed a problem for submissives. What you typically

1262
00:44:38,440 --> 00:44:40,059
hear is you're not a real submissive.

1263
00:44:40,440 --> 00:44:43,019
That's the thing. It's very rare that,

1264
00:44:44,119 --> 00:44:46,484
I I have it directed at me, but

1265
00:44:46,484 --> 00:44:47,944
it happens often enough that

1266
00:44:48,405 --> 00:44:48,905
I

1267
00:44:49,364 --> 00:44:50,405
I I know

1268
00:44:51,125 --> 00:44:52,565
I I hear it. It's I read the

1269
00:44:52,565 --> 00:44:54,724
comment. Whatever, whatever. Not all the time, not

1270
00:44:54,724 --> 00:44:55,944
by everybody, but enough.

1271
00:44:56,885 --> 00:44:57,385
Where

1272
00:44:57,869 --> 00:44:58,609
I have

1273
00:44:59,630 --> 00:45:00,849
strong opinions.

1274
00:45:01,150 --> 00:45:03,949
I am confident in my ability to speak

1275
00:45:03,949 --> 00:45:04,449
here.

1276
00:45:05,789 --> 00:45:06,769
JB leads

1277
00:45:07,069 --> 00:45:09,009
nearly all of our life, but

1278
00:45:09,549 --> 00:45:10,369
this podcast,

1279
00:45:10,829 --> 00:45:11,885
I lead it. Mhmm.

1280
00:45:13,144 --> 00:45:15,945
That that's her. Right. And it that really

1281
00:45:15,945 --> 00:45:18,585
throws people off when they don't when they

1282
00:45:18,585 --> 00:45:19,324
don't know.

1283
00:45:20,184 --> 00:45:21,945
And part of it's because I'm submissive. And

1284
00:45:21,945 --> 00:45:23,385
like I said before, part of it's because

1285
00:45:23,385 --> 00:45:25,224
I'm a woman. And this idea that a

1286
00:45:25,224 --> 00:45:27,144
woman can be assertive, it really fucks with

1287
00:45:27,144 --> 00:45:29,590
people. Some people just can't fucking handle it.

1288
00:45:31,170 --> 00:45:33,010
That really I think that really sucks for

1289
00:45:33,010 --> 00:45:34,710
you that you can't handle it.

1290
00:45:35,410 --> 00:45:37,890
I don't don't have any statements to make

1291
00:45:37,890 --> 00:45:40,950
about that part. For submissives though,

1292
00:45:42,954 --> 00:45:44,795
I wanna I set it at the top,

1293
00:45:44,795 --> 00:45:46,394
and I'm gonna say it again because I

1294
00:45:46,394 --> 00:45:48,635
do mean it even if I cannot fathom

1295
00:45:48,635 --> 00:45:49,534
it for myself.

1296
00:45:50,394 --> 00:45:51,214
If you

1297
00:45:51,994 --> 00:45:54,315
do not want to be assertive in your

1298
00:45:54,315 --> 00:45:54,815
submission,

1299
00:45:55,114 --> 00:45:57,559
it's not your vibe, it's not your personality

1300
00:45:57,619 --> 00:45:59,059
type. The way that you have structured your

1301
00:45:59,059 --> 00:45:59,800
power exchange

1302
00:46:00,260 --> 00:46:00,760
as

1303
00:46:02,980 --> 00:46:06,119
answering if asked, but not necessarily offering opinions

1304
00:46:06,260 --> 00:46:06,760
or,

1305
00:46:07,219 --> 00:46:07,880
you know,

1306
00:46:08,835 --> 00:46:09,335
finding

1307
00:46:10,994 --> 00:46:11,494
less

1308
00:46:13,795 --> 00:46:15,715
loud ways to be assertive than I am.

1309
00:46:15,715 --> 00:46:17,875
I am I'm very, very loud and proud

1310
00:46:17,875 --> 00:46:18,614
of my assertiveness.

1311
00:46:20,514 --> 00:46:22,659
That is fine because it's none of my

1312
00:46:22,659 --> 00:46:24,599
fucking business what you do in your relationship.

1313
00:46:25,460 --> 00:46:28,340
My whole thing for anybody is, are you

1314
00:46:28,340 --> 00:46:30,099
happy? Are you content? Are your needs getting

1315
00:46:30,099 --> 00:46:30,599
fulfilled?

1316
00:46:30,980 --> 00:46:33,059
Does this feel good for you? Is this

1317
00:46:33,059 --> 00:46:34,360
where you wanna be? Right?

1318
00:46:34,980 --> 00:46:36,785
But and so if that's what you want,

1319
00:46:36,785 --> 00:46:38,965
plea please do that. But I

1320
00:46:39,744 --> 00:46:42,805
worry for and I think about the submissives

1321
00:46:43,184 --> 00:46:45,505
who are being told that they're wrong or

1322
00:46:45,505 --> 00:46:46,805
think that they're wrong.

1323
00:46:47,184 --> 00:46:49,949
Because how dare a submissive have an opinion?

1324
00:46:49,949 --> 00:46:51,650
Here's the thing. If you are

1325
00:46:51,949 --> 00:46:54,190
let's put air quotes around it, air quote,

1326
00:46:54,190 --> 00:46:54,690
Dom,

1327
00:46:54,989 --> 00:46:55,489
who

1328
00:46:56,030 --> 00:46:57,489
is threatened by,

1329
00:46:57,869 --> 00:46:58,369
dislikes,

1330
00:46:58,750 --> 00:47:01,230
turned off by, or tries to shut down

1331
00:47:01,230 --> 00:47:01,969
the assertiveness

1332
00:47:02,829 --> 00:47:03,650
of a submissive,

1333
00:47:04,844 --> 00:47:06,784
my question is, what are you insecure about?

1334
00:47:07,804 --> 00:47:09,965
You can, within the confines of a power

1335
00:47:09,965 --> 00:47:12,525
exchange that the partner agrees to, you can

1336
00:47:12,525 --> 00:47:14,945
dictate how that looks, what that sounds like.

1337
00:47:15,085 --> 00:47:17,005
JB, it wouldn't work because I am who

1338
00:47:17,005 --> 00:47:18,445
I am, but JB could go, look, look,

1339
00:47:18,445 --> 00:47:21,030
look. Say what you need to say, but

1340
00:47:21,030 --> 00:47:23,269
this tone bothers me. This doesn't work for

1341
00:47:23,269 --> 00:47:25,349
me this way. Let's do it at this

1342
00:47:25,349 --> 00:47:26,170
time. Like,

1343
00:47:26,550 --> 00:47:28,550
with my you know, if I was willing

1344
00:47:28,550 --> 00:47:30,329
and that worked, we could negotiate

1345
00:47:31,190 --> 00:47:32,970
how that stuff. Right?

1346
00:47:33,414 --> 00:47:36,295
You that's power exchange. But that it is

1347
00:47:36,295 --> 00:47:36,795
done?

1348
00:47:37,974 --> 00:47:38,474
No.

1349
00:47:39,255 --> 00:47:39,755
No.

1350
00:47:40,214 --> 00:47:43,275
No. Especially if your response to a submissive

1351
00:47:43,494 --> 00:47:44,554
of any gender

1352
00:47:44,855 --> 00:47:46,710
who is assertive is to tell them that

1353
00:47:46,710 --> 00:47:47,369
they're wrong,

1354
00:47:49,030 --> 00:47:50,869
you have just said a whole lot about

1355
00:47:50,869 --> 00:47:51,369
yourself,

1356
00:47:52,230 --> 00:47:54,869
and nothing about that is submissive. Now I

1357
00:47:54,869 --> 00:47:57,590
also think that language is important. Do you

1358
00:47:57,590 --> 00:47:59,349
think that they're assertive, or do you think

1359
00:47:59,349 --> 00:48:01,210
they're demanding? Because demanding,

1360
00:48:03,135 --> 00:48:05,055
I mean, it's weird. It's a personal thing.

1361
00:48:05,055 --> 00:48:06,815
If you yourself are like, I am a

1362
00:48:06,815 --> 00:48:08,735
demanding person. Okay. Well, you're gonna have to

1363
00:48:08,735 --> 00:48:10,035
find somebody who accepts

1364
00:48:10,735 --> 00:48:12,675
the demanding style. Right?

1365
00:48:13,215 --> 00:48:15,215
And I I think that's gonna be few

1366
00:48:15,215 --> 00:48:15,659
and far

1367
00:48:16,219 --> 00:48:17,900
between. And that's any side of the slash,

1368
00:48:17,900 --> 00:48:19,039
any flavor of relationship.

1369
00:48:19,420 --> 00:48:22,139
Most people don't want to have demands made

1370
00:48:22,139 --> 00:48:23,440
upon them. They want

1371
00:48:23,739 --> 00:48:26,299
collaboration. They want agreement. They want negotiation. They

1372
00:48:26,299 --> 00:48:28,684
want to feel heard. They want right? In

1373
00:48:28,684 --> 00:48:30,545
kink, nobody wants to be a kink dispenser

1374
00:48:30,684 --> 00:48:32,684
unless you have negotiated that scene and have

1375
00:48:32,684 --> 00:48:34,625
a good time. But in general,

1376
00:48:34,925 --> 00:48:36,684
over the course of a relationship, nobody wants

1377
00:48:36,684 --> 00:48:38,364
to be a kink dispenser. It doesn't feel

1378
00:48:38,364 --> 00:48:39,664
good after a while.

1379
00:48:41,599 --> 00:48:43,760
So yeah. Think about and then and then

1380
00:48:43,760 --> 00:48:44,260
god

1381
00:48:44,640 --> 00:48:46,980
damn it. Stop thinking that assertive and bratty

1382
00:48:47,360 --> 00:48:50,320
hand in hand. Assertive brats? Yes. Mhmm. But

1383
00:48:50,320 --> 00:48:53,140
I have come across some some subtle demure

1384
00:48:53,199 --> 00:48:55,804
brats who get get the bratting done, but

1385
00:48:56,984 --> 00:48:59,065
they have their their way that they do

1386
00:48:59,065 --> 00:49:01,565
it. In a subtle way. Yeah. I couldn't

1387
00:49:01,864 --> 00:49:03,085
be me. Okay?

1388
00:49:03,704 --> 00:49:05,405
Could not fucking be me.

1389
00:49:06,344 --> 00:49:07,244
Not at all.

1390
00:49:08,344 --> 00:49:09,565
Not at all. Yeah.

1391
00:49:10,160 --> 00:49:11,780
And the other thing is I would tell

1392
00:49:12,160 --> 00:49:12,980
doms especially,

1393
00:49:13,280 --> 00:49:15,200
you want an assertive sub to a to

1394
00:49:15,200 --> 00:49:17,440
a degree. Right? You want somebody who can

1395
00:49:17,440 --> 00:49:18,960
be clear and direct with you in their

1396
00:49:18,960 --> 00:49:19,460
communication

1397
00:49:19,920 --> 00:49:20,420
that

1398
00:49:21,760 --> 00:49:23,235
can be confident with you.

1399
00:49:24,195 --> 00:49:25,095
If a person

1400
00:49:25,795 --> 00:49:28,275
is confident away from you, but when they

1401
00:49:28,275 --> 00:49:30,055
get with you, they don't they're not

1402
00:49:31,075 --> 00:49:33,954
be portraying any confidence, that's to me, that's

1403
00:49:33,954 --> 00:49:34,535
a problem.

1404
00:49:35,555 --> 00:49:37,075
You can be confident and you can be

1405
00:49:37,155 --> 00:49:38,639
let's use the word demure. Like, I think

1406
00:49:38,639 --> 00:49:40,239
in the way it's actually intended and not

1407
00:49:40,239 --> 00:49:42,480
the way the Internet used it. You can

1408
00:49:42,480 --> 00:49:43,699
be that softer,

1409
00:49:44,319 --> 00:49:45,139
less assertive,

1410
00:49:45,599 --> 00:49:46,099
quieter,

1411
00:49:47,440 --> 00:49:49,199
part of yourself, and you can do that

1412
00:49:49,199 --> 00:49:50,260
with full confidence.

1413
00:49:52,675 --> 00:49:53,414
But if

1414
00:49:53,875 --> 00:49:56,434
what bothers the person is that you're confident

1415
00:49:56,434 --> 00:49:59,074
or they're not doing anything to build confidence

1416
00:49:59,074 --> 00:50:00,054
in their submissive,

1417
00:50:01,074 --> 00:50:03,714
that's the problem. Like, that's like, not everybody's

1418
00:50:03,714 --> 00:50:05,635
bold. I'm not bold most of the time.

1419
00:50:05,635 --> 00:50:07,789
I'm bold here because this is my fucking

1420
00:50:07,789 --> 00:50:09,309
space, and it's probably where I'm the most

1421
00:50:09,309 --> 00:50:09,809
comfortable,

1422
00:50:10,110 --> 00:50:11,710
other than when it's just me and JB.

1423
00:50:11,710 --> 00:50:13,969
Then I'm so comfortable, he wishes

1424
00:50:14,269 --> 00:50:16,369
I would get a little tense, quite frankly.

1425
00:50:19,230 --> 00:50:21,409
He wishes I would be less comfortable. But,

1426
00:50:21,789 --> 00:50:22,449
you know,

1427
00:50:22,805 --> 00:50:26,025
it's specific again to trust and safety. Right?

1428
00:50:26,085 --> 00:50:27,144
Where can I be

1429
00:50:28,164 --> 00:50:30,724
my freest self? And in

1430
00:50:31,445 --> 00:50:33,445
it doesn't have to be romantic or sexual,

1431
00:50:33,445 --> 00:50:35,704
but in a long term power exchange,

1432
00:50:36,769 --> 00:50:39,089
if that's not a space where either side

1433
00:50:39,089 --> 00:50:41,489
of the slash can be their most fucking

1434
00:50:41,489 --> 00:50:41,989
comfortable,

1435
00:50:42,449 --> 00:50:44,469
what are we doing here? Mhmm.

1436
00:50:45,170 --> 00:50:47,489
What is going on? Where is the depth

1437
00:50:47,489 --> 00:50:49,545
of trust being built between both of you?

1438
00:50:49,784 --> 00:50:51,464
Right? So that you can kind of go,

1439
00:50:51,464 --> 00:50:52,984
hey. This is maybe a side of me

1440
00:50:52,984 --> 00:50:55,065
that nobody would really get to see. And

1441
00:50:55,065 --> 00:50:56,264
I don't just mean the dom and the

1442
00:50:56,264 --> 00:50:58,025
sub part. Like, not even just the play,

1443
00:50:58,025 --> 00:51:00,264
just the, here, I'm gonna tell you what

1444
00:51:00,264 --> 00:51:01,545
I want. I'm gonna tell you what I

1445
00:51:01,545 --> 00:51:03,369
need. I'm probably gonna tell you shit I've

1446
00:51:03,369 --> 00:51:05,530
never fucking told anybody. I wouldn't even put

1447
00:51:05,530 --> 00:51:07,630
it down in a journal just in case

1448
00:51:07,769 --> 00:51:09,869
in 500 years somebody found it. Right? Like,

1449
00:51:10,010 --> 00:51:10,510
that's

1450
00:51:10,969 --> 00:51:13,929
that's where confidence can grow. And it could

1451
00:51:13,929 --> 00:51:16,170
be that it's just in those moments of

1452
00:51:16,170 --> 00:51:18,434
let's negotiate this thing, let's work out the

1453
00:51:18,434 --> 00:51:19,954
scene we're gonna do, let's talk about our

1454
00:51:19,954 --> 00:51:22,535
relationship, that that's when a submissive is assertive.

1455
00:51:22,835 --> 00:51:25,015
And then once they have asserted themselves,

1456
00:51:25,875 --> 00:51:28,055
that part quiets down a little bit.

1457
00:51:28,755 --> 00:51:30,934
But they could that's they're still assertive.

1458
00:51:31,349 --> 00:51:34,250
Did they make their needs and wants known

1459
00:51:34,309 --> 00:51:35,610
clearly and directly?

1460
00:51:37,190 --> 00:51:39,430
Could they be were they confident enough to

1461
00:51:39,430 --> 00:51:40,970
fully be themselves with you?

1462
00:51:42,630 --> 00:51:44,534
I mean, if we're going by the Internet's

1463
00:51:44,755 --> 00:51:46,534
definition of assertive,

1464
00:51:46,914 --> 00:51:48,514
I I think there's something there. And that's

1465
00:51:48,514 --> 00:51:50,275
not about how much you talk, how loud

1466
00:51:50,275 --> 00:51:52,675
you are, how crazy you are, like Kayla

1467
00:51:52,675 --> 00:51:55,335
Lords happens to be sometimes when she's really,

1468
00:51:55,394 --> 00:51:56,375
like, in it.

1469
00:51:56,675 --> 00:51:57,255
You know?

1470
00:51:57,789 --> 00:52:00,289
There's all these versions of what that means.

1471
00:52:00,349 --> 00:52:02,849
True. But True. True. True.

1472
00:52:03,469 --> 00:52:05,009
I made myself hot and sweaty.

1473
00:52:05,869 --> 00:52:08,289
You you were on a roll there. Yeah.

1474
00:52:08,509 --> 00:52:09,569
Do you have any

1475
00:52:10,349 --> 00:52:12,369
you're like, no. No. Good.

1476
00:52:13,055 --> 00:52:13,555
I'm

1477
00:52:15,215 --> 00:52:18,575
good. So, yes, how whatever assertive looks like

1478
00:52:18,575 --> 00:52:19,155
for you,

1479
00:52:19,855 --> 00:52:21,394
if you're being clear and direct,

1480
00:52:21,695 --> 00:52:23,474
you're confident in who you are,

1481
00:52:24,175 --> 00:52:26,349
you know, you have you feel safe enough.

1482
00:52:26,349 --> 00:52:27,869
You have the trust of maybe a partner

1483
00:52:27,869 --> 00:52:29,949
or a space where you could Mhmm. It

1484
00:52:31,070 --> 00:52:32,989
there's nothing wrong with being assertive. And quite

1485
00:52:32,989 --> 00:52:35,230
frankly, to some degree, at least in the

1486
00:52:35,230 --> 00:52:38,125
negotiation stage of stuff, in power exchange, citizens

1487
00:52:38,125 --> 00:52:39,025
need to be assertive.

1488
00:52:39,724 --> 00:52:40,224
You

1489
00:52:40,605 --> 00:52:42,844
you don't get what you want if you

1490
00:52:42,844 --> 00:52:44,844
can't say what you want. And, man, how

1491
00:52:44,844 --> 00:52:46,605
many times have we talked about that since

1492
00:52:46,605 --> 00:52:47,744
literally 2015?

1493
00:52:48,364 --> 00:52:48,864
Okay.

1494
00:52:52,059 --> 00:52:54,699
And asserting what you want is not the

1495
00:52:54,699 --> 00:52:57,420
same as making demands of or telling your

1496
00:52:57,420 --> 00:52:58,780
dom what they are supposed to do to

1497
00:52:58,780 --> 00:53:00,059
you in the way that they are supposed

1498
00:53:00,059 --> 00:53:02,539
to do. It's it's whim it's not it's

1499
00:53:02,539 --> 00:53:03,920
not that. It's not that.

1500
00:53:04,554 --> 00:53:06,015
That's a whole other thing.

1501
00:53:06,954 --> 00:53:08,474
So if you happen to be a person

1502
00:53:08,474 --> 00:53:10,795
who's like, ugh, assertive subs, I'm a need

1503
00:53:10,795 --> 00:53:13,114
you to do some introspection. That's that's you.

1504
00:53:13,114 --> 00:53:14,414
That's that's not us.

1505
00:53:15,994 --> 00:53:17,215
And if you've ever

1506
00:53:17,594 --> 00:53:19,275
thought or been told that you were somehow

1507
00:53:19,275 --> 00:53:21,710
wrong as a because you have strong opinions,

1508
00:53:22,489 --> 00:53:24,030
fuck that person. Okay?

1509
00:53:24,650 --> 00:53:26,829
You're not. You're not. You're not.

1510
00:53:27,849 --> 00:53:30,170
And, also, if you're not an assertive person,

1511
00:53:30,170 --> 00:53:30,909
but you

1512
00:53:31,929 --> 00:53:33,525
are happy with where you're at, you trust

1513
00:53:33,525 --> 00:53:35,605
the person you're with, it's a fulfilling relationship,

1514
00:53:35,605 --> 00:53:38,264
that's that is o that is okay too.

1515
00:53:38,885 --> 00:53:40,644
There is I say this about all kinds

1516
00:53:40,644 --> 00:53:42,724
of things all the time. There are as

1517
00:53:42,724 --> 00:53:45,464
many ways to submit and be submissive

1518
00:53:45,869 --> 00:53:48,049
as there are submissives in the world.

1519
00:53:49,230 --> 00:53:51,489
The thing you gotta figure out is what

1520
00:53:51,549 --> 00:53:53,170
makes you feel good,

1521
00:53:53,469 --> 00:53:56,029
what builds your confidence, what makes you feel

1522
00:53:56,029 --> 00:53:57,250
fulfilled and content.

1523
00:53:57,869 --> 00:53:58,275
Yep.

1524
00:53:59,875 --> 00:54:01,094
That's the thing. Mhmm.

1525
00:54:01,394 --> 00:54:03,494
Yeah. So now that I am sweaty,

1526
00:54:03,875 --> 00:54:05,894
I'm sure my face is redder than usual.

1527
00:54:06,674 --> 00:54:08,454
That's all I got to say for now.

1528
00:54:12,839 --> 00:54:14,679
Podcast listeners, the hand went on my hip.

1529
00:54:14,679 --> 00:54:16,359
I don't know. I don't know. I I

1530
00:54:16,359 --> 00:54:17,739
guess I'm feeling myself better.

1531
00:54:18,280 --> 00:54:20,059
Very assertive mannerism there.

1532
00:54:21,079 --> 00:54:21,739
You know?

1533
00:54:22,359 --> 00:54:23,179
I'm glad

1534
00:54:24,280 --> 00:54:25,579
we did not turn.

1535
00:54:26,244 --> 00:54:28,324
Every time I say assertive, take a take

1536
00:54:28,324 --> 00:54:30,244
a shot because we would all have alcohol

1537
00:54:30,244 --> 00:54:30,744
poisoning.

1538
00:54:32,244 --> 00:54:32,744
But,

1539
00:54:33,045 --> 00:54:35,045
yeah, talking about it, thinking about it makes

1540
00:54:35,045 --> 00:54:38,405
me feel it more. Mhmm. But, you know,

1541
00:54:38,405 --> 00:54:38,885
it also

1542
00:54:40,440 --> 00:54:41,900
I get to sort of cherish

1543
00:54:42,199 --> 00:54:43,719
more and be more aware of the moments

1544
00:54:43,719 --> 00:54:45,480
when I I don't feel the need to

1545
00:54:45,480 --> 00:54:48,119
be that way. Mhmm. When there's nothing for

1546
00:54:48,119 --> 00:54:49,719
me to say or I can tell you

1547
00:54:49,719 --> 00:54:51,239
something, but I could tell you later. And

1548
00:54:51,239 --> 00:54:51,900
I just

1549
00:54:52,359 --> 00:54:53,875
I want to to be following you like

1550
00:54:53,875 --> 00:54:55,095
a little duckling, and

1551
00:54:55,555 --> 00:54:56,695
that makes me happy.

1552
00:54:58,595 --> 00:54:59,655
Well, okay.

1553
00:55:02,195 --> 00:55:04,515
So so that that's all. That's all? For

1554
00:55:04,515 --> 00:55:07,735
now. Okay. Till next time. Right. Mhmm.

1555
00:55:08,280 --> 00:55:08,780
So,

1556
00:55:09,239 --> 00:55:10,219
are we good?

1557
00:55:12,280 --> 00:55:12,780
Yes.

1558
00:55:13,160 --> 00:55:15,480
Hold on. 1, we'll go into a bonus

1559
00:55:15,480 --> 00:55:18,280
section. 2, don't forget all of our Etsy

1560
00:55:18,280 --> 00:55:20,199
shops because we have more interest than we

1561
00:55:20,199 --> 00:55:22,545
have time. They're all on sale. Go forth,

1562
00:55:22,545 --> 00:55:24,625
link in places. Okay. Yes. Now I'm ready.

1563
00:55:24,625 --> 00:55:26,485
K. You ready? Sure. Okay.

1564
00:55:26,864 --> 00:55:28,625
Keep it kinky y'all, and we'll see you

1565
00:55:28,625 --> 00:55:29,364
next week.

1566
00:55:38,009 --> 00:55:38,509
Daddy.

1567
00:55:39,130 --> 00:55:40,650
Yes, baby girl. Can we talk to the

1568
00:55:40,650 --> 00:55:41,150
crickets?

1569
00:55:43,130 --> 00:55:45,289
No. You've been doing a lot of talking.

1570
00:55:45,289 --> 00:55:46,489
I know. I'd like you to do some

1571
00:55:46,489 --> 00:55:47,789
talking, but I still,

1572
00:55:49,130 --> 00:55:51,655
am required. Okay. Then I guess it's okay.

1573
00:55:51,655 --> 00:55:52,375
Okay. Good.

1574
00:55:52,695 --> 00:55:54,375
I do want to point out to you.

1575
00:55:54,375 --> 00:55:54,875
Mhmm.

1576
00:55:55,255 --> 00:55:56,855
It's now, I think, gonna be an Easter

1577
00:55:56,855 --> 00:55:59,594
egg in the lore of our podcast.

1578
00:56:00,454 --> 00:56:02,295
I think it's the last podcast we did

1579
00:56:02,295 --> 00:56:04,315
on dominance and communication. Mhmm.

1580
00:56:04,619 --> 00:56:06,400
And maybe the one before that?

1581
00:56:07,819 --> 00:56:09,039
It's one of those 2.

1582
00:56:09,900 --> 00:56:11,599
I did not ask for permission.

1583
00:56:12,380 --> 00:56:13,839
You did not catch it.

1584
00:56:14,380 --> 00:56:16,994
We just started fucking talking. Yeah. Yeah.

1585
00:56:17,875 --> 00:56:19,655
So there's an Easter egg for anybody.

1586
00:56:20,035 --> 00:56:20,535
Mhmm.

1587
00:56:21,635 --> 00:56:22,615
Oh my god.

1588
00:56:25,315 --> 00:56:25,815
No.

1589
00:56:26,994 --> 00:56:29,699
So bonus section. Bonus. Yes. You talk about

1590
00:56:29,699 --> 00:56:31,699
you because Yeah. You went through it last

1591
00:56:31,699 --> 00:56:32,760
week. Mhmm.

1592
00:56:33,380 --> 00:56:34,659
Yeah. Last week was not,

1593
00:56:35,460 --> 00:56:36,679
not fun for me.

1594
00:56:39,539 --> 00:56:41,960
You know, talked about my my

1595
00:56:42,339 --> 00:56:43,480
wonderful back

1596
00:56:43,965 --> 00:56:44,465
before

1597
00:56:45,485 --> 00:56:45,985
and,

1598
00:56:48,684 --> 00:56:49,585
now it seems

1599
00:56:49,965 --> 00:56:52,545
the little twist has been thrown in there.

1600
00:56:53,244 --> 00:56:54,625
In addition to the,

1601
00:56:55,085 --> 00:56:56,760
bad discs that I have,

1602
00:56:57,960 --> 00:56:59,900
now doctor tells me I have

1603
00:57:01,000 --> 00:57:01,500
arthritis

1604
00:57:02,440 --> 00:57:03,739
Yeah. Up my spine

1605
00:57:05,000 --> 00:57:05,500
and

1606
00:57:09,335 --> 00:57:11,335
totally different pain from the pain of the,

1607
00:57:11,654 --> 00:57:13,255
discs. Yeah. I think you were feeling the

1608
00:57:13,255 --> 00:57:14,954
kind of pain I feel in my neck

1609
00:57:15,174 --> 00:57:16,614
when then I have to go to the

1610
00:57:16,614 --> 00:57:18,534
doctor and be like Yeah. Please let me

1611
00:57:18,534 --> 00:57:20,315
have the steroid pack. Yep.

1612
00:57:21,094 --> 00:57:21,594
So,

1613
00:57:22,309 --> 00:57:25,190
yeah. That's, what they did. Steroid pack and

1614
00:57:25,190 --> 00:57:27,210
it brought the inflammation down and

1615
00:57:27,670 --> 00:57:28,650
I'm, functioning

1616
00:57:29,750 --> 00:57:30,730
again, but

1617
00:57:31,269 --> 00:57:32,010
this isn't

1618
00:57:32,309 --> 00:57:34,309
going to be the last time. Probably not.

1619
00:57:34,309 --> 00:57:36,730
No. I mean, just from my personal

1620
00:57:38,545 --> 00:57:39,045
experience,

1621
00:57:39,744 --> 00:57:42,065
no. Once once the neck starts doing whatever

1622
00:57:42,065 --> 00:57:44,625
that is, it just what my favorite part

1623
00:57:44,625 --> 00:57:46,385
in all of this, and you kind of

1624
00:57:46,385 --> 00:57:48,065
said it when you were describing what it

1625
00:57:48,065 --> 00:57:49,505
felt like, and then the doctor who is

1626
00:57:49,505 --> 00:57:50,864
not our normal doctor, but who we could

1627
00:57:50,864 --> 00:57:52,565
get in with the fastest Yeah.

1628
00:57:52,889 --> 00:57:55,449
Was like, oh, yes. Very tense. And I

1629
00:57:55,449 --> 00:57:57,130
just looked at JB and went, gee. I

1630
00:57:57,130 --> 00:57:58,809
can't imagine what in your life you have

1631
00:57:58,809 --> 00:58:01,609
to be tense about. Right. Yeah. And and

1632
00:58:01,609 --> 00:58:03,369
she did suggest, you know, you might wanna

1633
00:58:03,369 --> 00:58:04,589
look into getting a massage

1634
00:58:05,144 --> 00:58:07,144
And it may help a little bit. And

1635
00:58:07,144 --> 00:58:09,465
it probably would. And Yeah. I I have

1636
00:58:09,465 --> 00:58:11,704
thoughts about that where you can Yeah. Oh,

1637
00:58:11,704 --> 00:58:13,385
yeah. I mean, that my doctor, the last

1638
00:58:13,385 --> 00:58:14,905
time I went, it's been several months ago

1639
00:58:14,905 --> 00:58:16,505
when I got real bad, that was the

1640
00:58:16,505 --> 00:58:18,559
thing she said. She was like, you she

1641
00:58:18,559 --> 00:58:21,199
was like, not not those, like, fancy dancy

1642
00:58:21,440 --> 00:58:23,760
you need, like, the the massage that hurts.

1643
00:58:23,760 --> 00:58:25,780
I was like, yeah. I probably do. Yeah.

1644
00:58:26,000 --> 00:58:29,280
But, so, yeah, that's, that's kinda what, where

1645
00:58:29,280 --> 00:58:30,074
where I'm at.

1646
00:58:32,074 --> 00:58:34,094
And, you know, it's like, yay.

1647
00:58:34,474 --> 00:58:35,534
New level unlocked.

1648
00:58:36,474 --> 00:58:38,234
You know? What I've noticed in the past

1649
00:58:38,234 --> 00:58:39,454
few years is

1650
00:58:39,755 --> 00:58:41,434
the the your back and the pain is

1651
00:58:41,434 --> 00:58:42,795
like a little bit of an elevator. We

1652
00:58:42,795 --> 00:58:44,849
started at the lower back. Mhmm. We went

1653
00:58:44,849 --> 00:58:46,449
to the middle of your back. Now we're

1654
00:58:46,449 --> 00:58:48,609
already up to your your your neck. Yeah.

1655
00:58:48,609 --> 00:58:50,690
Yeah. Fun times. And doctor did tell me,

1656
00:58:50,690 --> 00:58:51,250
he said,

1657
00:58:52,449 --> 00:58:54,529
you know, once you start having problems, it

1658
00:58:54,529 --> 00:58:56,309
kinda with the back, it just kinda

1659
00:58:56,769 --> 00:58:57,269
cascades.

1660
00:58:57,605 --> 00:58:58,105
Yep.

1661
00:58:58,484 --> 00:58:59,464
So yep.

1662
00:58:59,924 --> 00:59:00,824
There I am.

1663
00:59:02,885 --> 00:59:04,804
And I'm glad you're feeling better. You know?

1664
00:59:04,804 --> 00:59:07,784
Yeah. I'm I am too. It was, not

1665
00:59:07,844 --> 00:59:09,944
not a a a fun herding.

1666
00:59:11,444 --> 00:59:12,900
The thing I I

1667
00:59:13,460 --> 00:59:15,460
was very impressed with you that you did

1668
00:59:15,460 --> 00:59:17,299
this because when you get let your when

1669
00:59:17,299 --> 00:59:19,139
you get stressed about what you need to

1670
00:59:19,139 --> 00:59:21,079
be doing, you you push too hard. Mhmm.

1671
00:59:21,219 --> 00:59:23,139
So it got so bad, you couldn't function.

1672
00:59:23,139 --> 00:59:24,839
So he Right. He sat still

1673
00:59:26,885 --> 00:59:27,925
long enough for us to get to the

1674
00:59:27,925 --> 00:59:29,525
doctor, get the steroids, blah blah blah. And

1675
00:59:29,525 --> 00:59:30,344
then in, like,

1676
00:59:30,644 --> 00:59:33,045
48 hours after starting to take the medication,

1677
00:59:33,045 --> 00:59:34,264
he started to feel better.

1678
00:59:34,885 --> 00:59:35,704
And normally,

1679
00:59:36,164 --> 00:59:37,304
JB would be tempted

1680
00:59:37,764 --> 00:59:40,050
to just go get some shit done. And

1681
00:59:40,130 --> 00:59:41,250
he looked at me and went, I think

1682
00:59:41,250 --> 00:59:42,929
I'm just gonna sit down this weekend. And

1683
00:59:42,929 --> 00:59:44,630
I went, I think that's a good idea.

1684
00:59:45,650 --> 00:59:47,429
Rest up completely. Yeah.

1685
00:59:48,050 --> 00:59:50,130
So that that's what we that's what we

1686
00:59:50,130 --> 00:59:50,630
did.

1687
00:59:52,914 --> 00:59:53,414
Lola

1688
00:59:53,795 --> 00:59:53,954
is,

1689
00:59:55,394 --> 00:59:56,454
good. Mhmm.

1690
00:59:57,315 --> 00:59:59,574
She is snoring on her cot right now.

1691
01:00:00,994 --> 01:00:02,775
She has a mystery limp

1692
01:00:03,234 --> 01:00:05,174
that comes and goes. Yeah.

1693
01:00:05,799 --> 01:00:06,539
And I

1694
01:00:07,319 --> 01:00:09,719
I don't want to hope I say this

1695
01:00:09,719 --> 01:00:10,779
word right. Anthropomorphize

1696
01:00:12,039 --> 01:00:13,480
our dog. I don't even know if that's

1697
01:00:13,480 --> 01:00:15,339
quite the right there's a word where you

1698
01:00:15,559 --> 01:00:16,460
you give people

1699
01:00:17,480 --> 01:00:19,739
I mean, you give animals, like, human characteristics.

1700
01:00:20,505 --> 01:00:23,005
But I did have the thought of,

1701
01:00:23,385 --> 01:00:25,244
is this a sympathy thing?

1702
01:00:25,625 --> 01:00:27,385
And I I kinda wondered that too a

1703
01:00:27,385 --> 01:00:29,464
little bit. Because you we could touch all

1704
01:00:29,464 --> 01:00:30,904
around it. We could move it. She was

1705
01:00:30,904 --> 01:00:33,005
not, like, flinching or anything. Mm-mm.

1706
01:00:33,304 --> 01:00:36,980
She was getting active zoomies and just tearing

1707
01:00:37,280 --> 01:00:39,679
around. Oh, yeah. If you have never seen

1708
01:00:39,679 --> 01:00:40,340
a pity,

1709
01:00:40,880 --> 01:00:41,780
get zoomies.

1710
01:00:42,320 --> 01:00:44,159
It's a sight to behold. It's a next

1711
01:00:44,159 --> 01:00:45,920
level experience. Like, I've seen all kinds of

1712
01:00:45,920 --> 01:00:48,079
dogs getting zoomies, but there's this oh, and

1713
01:00:48,239 --> 01:00:49,760
because I think it's because they're they're just

1714
01:00:49,760 --> 01:00:51,425
so fucking big and compact.

1715
01:00:51,805 --> 01:00:52,625
Think of,

1716
01:00:54,045 --> 01:00:56,545
think of, like, a, a charging rhino.

1717
01:00:57,005 --> 01:00:57,505
Yeah.

1718
01:00:59,644 --> 01:01:01,644
But we saw you got her to chase

1719
01:01:01,644 --> 01:01:03,159
you around the house. Like, there's all these

1720
01:01:03,159 --> 01:01:05,820
times, and there was nothing. But I noticed

1721
01:01:05,880 --> 01:01:08,140
it primarily when it was about food.

1722
01:01:08,599 --> 01:01:11,159
Feeding time, she thought she heard a bag,

1723
01:01:11,159 --> 01:01:13,739
thought that was her treat bag, whatever.

1724
01:01:14,519 --> 01:01:15,019
Then

1725
01:01:15,335 --> 01:01:17,574
there'd be this little this little hop skip

1726
01:01:17,574 --> 01:01:18,074
limp.

1727
01:01:18,614 --> 01:01:19,994
Yeah. It's like, are you

1728
01:01:20,295 --> 01:01:22,074
are you trying to get sympathy?

1729
01:01:22,454 --> 01:01:24,614
Mhmm. So that we'll give you more food?

1730
01:01:24,614 --> 01:01:26,934
Like, what is Right. Here. Well, you know,

1731
01:01:26,934 --> 01:01:28,775
and and it's funny you say that because

1732
01:01:28,775 --> 01:01:30,614
there, you know, there was a lot of

1733
01:01:30,614 --> 01:01:32,239
in early on with her,

1734
01:01:34,460 --> 01:01:35,440
when it was dinner

1735
01:01:35,739 --> 01:01:37,659
time, you know, she would sit. Right? She

1736
01:01:37,659 --> 01:01:38,719
would sit, you know,

1737
01:01:39,019 --> 01:01:39,519
and

1738
01:01:41,019 --> 01:01:43,920
because of her one leg that was shot,

1739
01:01:44,555 --> 01:01:47,035
it's shorter than the other. Now, normally, when

1740
01:01:47,035 --> 01:01:49,115
she sits, she's got both front paws on

1741
01:01:49,115 --> 01:01:51,515
on the on the ground. But when it's

1742
01:01:51,515 --> 01:01:52,335
dinner time

1743
01:01:53,434 --> 01:01:56,474
The one paw. That little she's got and

1744
01:01:56,474 --> 01:01:58,394
that little paw comes up. She can't she

1745
01:01:58,394 --> 01:02:00,739
can't bear to hold it down anymore.

1746
01:02:01,599 --> 01:02:02,820
It's like, Lisa,

1747
01:02:03,360 --> 01:02:04,900
might I have some more? Like,

1748
01:02:06,159 --> 01:02:08,739
okay. We're in a Dickens nominally. Okay.

1749
01:02:09,519 --> 01:02:10,019
So,

1750
01:02:10,400 --> 01:02:11,599
you know yeah. And,

1751
01:02:12,864 --> 01:02:15,204
you know, it it's it's funny because

1752
01:02:15,664 --> 01:02:17,204
I I noticed that

1753
01:02:17,505 --> 01:02:18,244
the limp

1754
01:02:19,825 --> 01:02:22,644
comes on sometimes in the evening. Mhmm.

1755
01:02:23,664 --> 01:02:25,585
And once I give her her bedtime biscuit

1756
01:02:27,664 --> 01:02:29,349
She's She's good. She's fine.

1757
01:02:29,650 --> 01:02:31,890
She's fine. She jumps on the couch in

1758
01:02:31,890 --> 01:02:33,410
one leap. She, you know And that's the

1759
01:02:33,410 --> 01:02:35,329
thing. She'll go from limp that back leg

1760
01:02:35,329 --> 01:02:37,489
is limping a little bit to full on

1761
01:02:37,489 --> 01:02:39,969
jumping on the couch. So we're we're watching

1762
01:02:39,969 --> 01:02:41,570
it if, you know, if it looks to

1763
01:02:41,570 --> 01:02:42,315
become consistent or if

1764
01:02:43,034 --> 01:02:44,795
reacts when we touch that leg or whatever

1765
01:02:44,795 --> 01:02:46,155
whatever, we will get her to the vet.

1766
01:02:46,155 --> 01:02:47,675
That's Yeah. You know, we'll just do it.

1767
01:02:47,675 --> 01:02:50,175
But Right. It it was weird because so

1768
01:02:51,034 --> 01:02:51,534
Lola

1769
01:02:52,394 --> 01:02:54,255
and JB are soulmates. Okay?

1770
01:02:55,940 --> 01:02:59,619
He loves me, but he loves Lola. So

1771
01:02:59,619 --> 01:03:01,059
JB goes through this thing that I see

1772
01:03:01,059 --> 01:03:02,579
a lot on the Internet people talking about

1773
01:03:02,579 --> 01:03:05,400
where he starts contemplating a future where

1774
01:03:05,859 --> 01:03:07,619
the worst has happened to Lola and will

1775
01:03:07,619 --> 01:03:08,804
get himself really upset.

1776
01:03:09,605 --> 01:03:11,925
Lola has like an eye twitch. He's like,

1777
01:03:11,925 --> 01:03:12,905
is she okay?

1778
01:03:13,684 --> 01:03:16,184
The amount of times he's, I mean, yelled,

1779
01:03:16,324 --> 01:03:18,804
called me to come running into another room.

1780
01:03:18,804 --> 01:03:20,964
Me, who already has a lot of anxiety

1781
01:03:20,964 --> 01:03:22,469
and it it does not take a lot

1782
01:03:22,469 --> 01:03:25,210
to send me into flight or freeze mode.

1783
01:03:25,909 --> 01:03:27,269
And he'll be like, look at her eye.

1784
01:03:27,269 --> 01:03:29,269
Does her eye and sometimes it's a legit

1785
01:03:29,269 --> 01:03:32,469
thing. And sometimes I'm like, no. That's just

1786
01:03:32,469 --> 01:03:34,545
what that part of her looks like. Hey.

1787
01:03:34,844 --> 01:03:36,625
It's adorable. It is adorable.

1788
01:03:37,724 --> 01:03:38,945
Lola cannot speak.

1789
01:03:39,565 --> 01:03:41,405
I am her advocate. You are her advocate.

1790
01:03:41,405 --> 01:03:44,045
Okay. I advocate for her. You are obsessed

1791
01:03:44,045 --> 01:03:44,938
with your dog, and I think that's delightful.

1792
01:03:44,938 --> 01:03:44,973
Okay? You don't obsess over your dog to

1793
01:03:44,973 --> 01:03:45,505
the detriment of all else, but it does

1794
01:03:45,885 --> 01:03:46,385
mean,

1795
01:03:48,960 --> 01:03:50,036
obsess over your dog to the detriment of

1796
01:03:50,036 --> 01:03:50,579
all else,

1797
01:03:51,119 --> 01:03:51,936
but it does mean you are both on

1798
01:03:51,936 --> 01:03:52,500
high alert for legit things,

1799
01:03:53,280 --> 01:03:54,099
and let's

1800
01:03:54,719 --> 01:03:55,940
go to the vet,

1801
01:03:56,400 --> 01:03:58,000
and let's deal with stuff. But also, especially

1802
01:03:58,000 --> 01:03:59,940
when you, I think, when you

1803
01:04:01,454 --> 01:04:04,015
start thinking of her age Yeah. You start

1804
01:04:04,015 --> 01:04:05,635
seeing stuff and I'm like,

1805
01:04:06,094 --> 01:04:07,775
I and and so the Well I'm in

1806
01:04:07,775 --> 01:04:10,015
this weird position of I do not want

1807
01:04:10,015 --> 01:04:10,515
to,

1808
01:04:11,375 --> 01:04:13,315
disregard your feelings or your concerns,

1809
01:04:13,855 --> 01:04:14,675
but also

1810
01:04:15,039 --> 01:04:17,839
I in my head where I control everything

1811
01:04:17,839 --> 01:04:19,759
up there well, no. Where I think I

1812
01:04:19,759 --> 01:04:20,739
have control there.

1813
01:04:21,440 --> 01:04:22,259
I'm like,

1814
01:04:22,759 --> 01:04:23,259
am

1815
01:04:23,759 --> 01:04:26,799
I crazy? Is is the injury in the

1816
01:04:26,799 --> 01:04:28,574
room with us? Like, I just

1817
01:04:30,414 --> 01:04:31,855
said. And I would never tell you to

1818
01:04:31,855 --> 01:04:34,014
stop because it is how we find issues

1819
01:04:34,014 --> 01:04:36,494
early. But I do think you you stress

1820
01:04:36,494 --> 01:04:37,474
yourself out

1821
01:04:38,335 --> 01:04:40,514
by it. I probably do a little bit.

1822
01:04:40,974 --> 01:04:41,340
So,

1823
01:04:42,539 --> 01:04:44,619
yeah. Oh, she she heard us talking about

1824
01:04:44,619 --> 01:04:45,119
her.

1825
01:04:45,980 --> 01:04:48,300
She's lumbering over or she's lumbering to the

1826
01:04:48,300 --> 01:04:48,800
door.

1827
01:04:49,340 --> 01:04:51,340
Okay. I'll let her. I'll let her. Okay.

1828
01:04:51,340 --> 01:04:53,420
I'll let her. Okay. You got it. Around.

1829
01:04:53,420 --> 01:04:53,920
So

1830
01:04:54,300 --> 01:04:56,460
but, you know, yeah. She's she's doing good.

1831
01:04:56,460 --> 01:04:59,175
And, you know, her age yeah. You know,

1832
01:05:00,194 --> 01:05:01,795
the other day did notice that,

1833
01:05:02,755 --> 01:05:04,835
the tip of her muzzle's starting to show

1834
01:05:04,835 --> 01:05:06,214
that little bit of white.

1835
01:05:06,514 --> 01:05:08,135
Yeah. It's creeping in.

1836
01:05:08,835 --> 01:05:10,755
And then again, my muzzle's got some white

1837
01:05:10,755 --> 01:05:12,534
too. So I mean, same.

1838
01:05:13,050 --> 01:05:14,829
I mean, I pluck mine, but

1839
01:05:15,610 --> 01:05:17,309
they're not all dark anymore.

1840
01:05:20,170 --> 01:05:21,869
Well, well, not been doing good.

1841
01:05:24,730 --> 01:05:25,125
There's

1842
01:05:25,684 --> 01:05:27,364
been stuff happening, but some of it I'm

1843
01:05:27,364 --> 01:05:30,105
gonna say for, Friday night. Okay. Okay.

1844
01:05:30,485 --> 01:05:31,224
So there.

1845
01:05:32,005 --> 01:05:33,605
So there. I'm gonna tease you like a

1846
01:05:33,605 --> 01:05:34,664
sadist I am.

1847
01:05:35,684 --> 01:05:37,764
Some of us like to be teased. That's

1848
01:05:37,764 --> 01:05:39,659
that's why we're that's why we

1849
01:05:40,460 --> 01:05:41,900
are in the roles that we're in. Just

1850
01:05:41,900 --> 01:05:42,400
saying.

1851
01:05:45,579 --> 01:05:46,079
Onyx,

1852
01:05:46,539 --> 01:05:47,280
and Ella

1853
01:05:47,819 --> 01:05:48,319
are

1854
01:05:49,099 --> 01:05:50,319
Onyx and Ella.

1855
01:05:51,019 --> 01:05:53,980
I believe I firmly believe that at night

1856
01:05:53,980 --> 01:05:56,375
when all the humans are put away,

1857
01:05:56,994 --> 01:05:59,494
these 2 probably cuddle and snuggle.

1858
01:05:59,875 --> 01:06:02,534
And I think it throws Ella off

1859
01:06:02,914 --> 01:06:04,855
during the day when the people are out

1860
01:06:04,994 --> 01:06:07,474
because she has several times now gone up

1861
01:06:07,474 --> 01:06:09,869
to try to, like, nuzzle and snuggle with

1862
01:06:09,869 --> 01:06:12,609
Onyx, and Onyx is not fucking having it

1863
01:06:13,630 --> 01:06:14,369
at all.

1864
01:06:15,549 --> 01:06:16,529
And I'm just like,

1865
01:06:17,389 --> 01:06:18,750
what do you 2 get up to at

1866
01:06:18,750 --> 01:06:21,089
night? And why, Onyx, are you rejecting

1867
01:06:21,630 --> 01:06:23,789
Ella, who just wants to be loved? Like,

1868
01:06:23,789 --> 01:06:25,824
is it is she a little

1869
01:06:26,364 --> 01:06:27,424
clingy? Yes.

1870
01:06:28,284 --> 01:06:29,905
Is Ella a little whiny?

1871
01:06:30,525 --> 01:06:31,025
Uh-huh.

1872
01:06:31,405 --> 01:06:33,505
Is Ella operating on half a brain cell?

1873
01:06:33,724 --> 01:06:35,484
Yeah. If there is a brain cell that

1874
01:06:35,484 --> 01:06:37,324
the cats share, Onyx does not give up

1875
01:06:37,324 --> 01:06:39,750
the fucking brain cell. No. Ella is, you

1876
01:06:39,750 --> 01:06:40,250
know,

1877
01:06:40,710 --> 01:06:42,469
no thoughts, just vibes. Yeah.

1878
01:06:42,950 --> 01:06:45,750
But she so desperately wants to cuddle with

1879
01:06:45,750 --> 01:06:47,930
anybody who will cuddle with her

1880
01:06:48,309 --> 01:06:49,210
that I'm like,

1881
01:06:51,755 --> 01:06:54,655
Onyx, just own it. But I am constantly,

1882
01:06:55,675 --> 01:06:57,675
telling Onyx that if she would allow me

1883
01:06:57,675 --> 01:06:59,195
to pick her up and hold her or

1884
01:06:59,195 --> 01:07:00,635
just put both my hands on her at

1885
01:07:00,635 --> 01:07:02,795
once, if she fucking love it. Life changing

1886
01:07:02,795 --> 01:07:05,295
for her in in such a good way.

1887
01:07:05,519 --> 01:07:07,760
Yeah. No. Yeah. That's a girl who needs

1888
01:07:07,760 --> 01:07:09,940
a cat therapist. She her her anxiety

1889
01:07:10,239 --> 01:07:12,239
through the roof. Oh, yeah. Through the roof.

1890
01:07:12,239 --> 01:07:14,480
Oh, yeah. Trust issues. We've now had her

1891
01:07:14,480 --> 01:07:16,719
for 4 years. October For 4 years? We

1892
01:07:16,719 --> 01:07:18,019
got her in October 2020.

1893
01:07:19,280 --> 01:07:21,140
She's calmed down Mhmm.

1894
01:07:21,554 --> 01:07:22,054
Slightly.

1895
01:07:22,914 --> 01:07:25,234
She is demanding for pets, but not not

1896
01:07:25,234 --> 01:07:26,755
with 2 hands. You do not put 2

1897
01:07:26,755 --> 01:07:28,594
hands on her. She's done. Now because that

1898
01:07:28,594 --> 01:07:29,635
means you might pick her up and take

1899
01:07:29,635 --> 01:07:31,414
her to a family. In in that time,

1900
01:07:31,474 --> 01:07:33,635
she will come and sit on my lap

1901
01:07:34,034 --> 01:07:34,394
Yours.

1902
01:07:35,074 --> 01:07:36,375
Mine only. Mhmm.

1903
01:07:37,699 --> 01:07:39,880
And it is totally on her terms.

1904
01:07:40,179 --> 01:07:40,920
Oh, yeah.

1905
01:07:42,019 --> 01:07:43,619
Oh, yeah. Ella will let you pick her

1906
01:07:43,619 --> 01:07:45,159
up. She Yeah. She

1907
01:07:45,539 --> 01:07:46,920
will tolerate it

1908
01:07:47,699 --> 01:07:49,780
for only a little while unless you're one

1909
01:07:49,780 --> 01:07:51,724
of the boys, and then she I mean,

1910
01:07:52,025 --> 01:07:54,025
she'll let them hold her upside down if

1911
01:07:54,025 --> 01:07:55,465
they wanted to. If they don't, they're very

1912
01:07:55,465 --> 01:07:56,285
good with her.

1913
01:07:56,664 --> 01:07:59,385
But she she wants to be cradled like

1914
01:07:59,385 --> 01:08:00,925
a baby with her boys.

1915
01:08:02,345 --> 01:08:03,909
But with us, it's, like, yeah. She'll let

1916
01:08:03,909 --> 01:08:05,590
us hold her and then and then she's

1917
01:08:05,590 --> 01:08:07,289
done until you let her go and whatever.

1918
01:08:07,590 --> 01:08:08,409
But Onyx

1919
01:08:11,590 --> 01:08:13,429
so I just walk around going, I I

1920
01:08:13,429 --> 01:08:15,510
need Onyx to never ever ever ever ever

1921
01:08:15,510 --> 01:08:16,710
get sick because how the hell am I

1922
01:08:16,710 --> 01:08:18,225
supposed to get her to the vet? Mhmm.

1923
01:08:18,225 --> 01:08:19,524
I don't actually know.

1924
01:08:19,824 --> 01:08:20,305
Yep.

1925
01:08:20,945 --> 01:08:23,185
And, But yeah. You know? Yeah. We're we're

1926
01:08:23,185 --> 01:08:25,024
kinda keeping a a little bit of an

1927
01:08:25,024 --> 01:08:26,885
eye on what's going on down the Caribbean,

1928
01:08:26,945 --> 01:08:29,425
but not really because they're so, like, iffy

1929
01:08:29,425 --> 01:08:30,805
on what it's gonna do.

1930
01:08:32,170 --> 01:08:33,869
Yeah. I saw a little update

1931
01:08:34,809 --> 01:08:36,909
from yesterday, I think, and I went

1932
01:08:37,529 --> 01:08:39,130
Yeah. And I told JB this. I was

1933
01:08:39,130 --> 01:08:41,689
like, call me when there's a name and

1934
01:08:41,689 --> 01:08:43,369
a cone. Right. And then I will pay

1935
01:08:43,369 --> 01:08:44,909
attention to whatever is happening

1936
01:08:45,405 --> 01:08:47,164
in the Gulf or in the Caribbean or

1937
01:08:47,164 --> 01:08:49,744
wherever. But I will say this is probably

1938
01:08:49,805 --> 01:08:50,465
the warmest

1939
01:08:50,765 --> 01:08:52,685
November Yes. I can remember in a while

1940
01:08:52,685 --> 01:08:55,564
because it's like the temperature being warm in

1941
01:08:55,564 --> 01:08:58,770
Florida in November, not uncommon. No. There being

1942
01:08:58,770 --> 01:09:00,149
this much fucking humidity?

1943
01:09:00,449 --> 01:09:03,409
That's uncommon. I mean, we walk outside and

1944
01:09:03,409 --> 01:09:05,890
we're we're sweat we're is it as bad

1945
01:09:05,890 --> 01:09:07,489
as August? No. No. But that's like being

1946
01:09:07,489 --> 01:09:08,310
on the sun.

1947
01:09:09,890 --> 01:09:12,715
It's like May when you're thinking, shouldn't I

1948
01:09:12,715 --> 01:09:15,274
have gotten a little cool breeze still in

1949
01:09:15,274 --> 01:09:15,774
May?

1950
01:09:17,194 --> 01:09:18,875
The humidity is kinda low. It's not as

1951
01:09:18,875 --> 01:09:21,194
high as it will be. Mhmm. November's not

1952
01:09:21,274 --> 01:09:23,295
it's not supposed to be this way.

1953
01:09:24,119 --> 01:09:26,239
It's not I'm not supposed to sweat

1954
01:09:26,680 --> 01:09:28,939
Mm-mm. At every crack and crevice,

1955
01:09:30,119 --> 01:09:32,300
every fold of skin, just

1956
01:09:32,680 --> 01:09:33,180
hairline.

1957
01:09:33,880 --> 01:09:35,720
Why why wash your hair? You're gonna get

1958
01:09:35,720 --> 01:09:37,960
out of the shower, go outside, and sweat

1959
01:09:37,960 --> 01:09:39,340
again. That is where we're at.

1960
01:09:43,614 --> 01:09:45,795
So Yeah. No. It it it has been

1961
01:09:46,015 --> 01:09:47,475
norm normally, by

1962
01:09:48,335 --> 01:09:49,635
this time of the year,

1963
01:09:50,975 --> 01:09:52,435
I don't need my fan

1964
01:09:52,810 --> 01:09:54,810
in the shop. Yeah. I still need that

1965
01:09:54,810 --> 01:09:56,969
fan going. Boy, it gets it gets warm

1966
01:09:56,969 --> 01:09:58,890
in there. Mhmm. It gets warm in there.

1967
01:09:58,890 --> 01:10:02,189
We were pouring resin, you and I, yesterday.

1968
01:10:02,409 --> 01:10:04,569
Yeah. Lord, all the days run together. And

1969
01:10:04,569 --> 01:10:06,765
it was just like clothing was just it

1970
01:10:06,765 --> 01:10:08,625
was like it was like summer. Yeah.

1971
01:10:08,925 --> 01:10:11,485
You know, slightly lower temperature, but Mhmm. Way

1972
01:10:11,485 --> 01:10:13,345
more humidity than I'm used to for November.

1973
01:10:13,405 --> 01:10:17,244
Yeah. Yep. So So yeah. Now supposedly, we

1974
01:10:17,244 --> 01:10:19,005
have a cold front heading our way. I

1975
01:10:19,005 --> 01:10:20,525
believe it when I feel it. I know.

1976
01:10:20,525 --> 01:10:22,439
I know. I hear you. Mhmm.

1977
01:10:24,020 --> 01:10:24,520
So

1978
01:10:25,539 --> 01:10:26,039
Dang.

1979
01:10:26,579 --> 01:10:27,639
Yeah. Tornado.

1980
01:10:28,020 --> 01:10:28,520
Yeah.

1981
01:10:29,779 --> 01:10:32,359
No. Thank you. No. Thank you.

1982
01:10:32,899 --> 01:10:35,559
But yeah. You know, when we're just doing

1983
01:10:36,354 --> 01:10:38,614
our stuff. We're just doing our stuff. Mhmm.

1984
01:10:39,554 --> 01:10:41,715
We're gonna keep doing our stuff. Yeah. Because

1985
01:10:41,715 --> 01:10:43,175
that's that's what we do.

1986
01:10:43,954 --> 01:10:45,875
That's all that we do. Yeah. Because our

1987
01:10:45,875 --> 01:10:46,375
stuff.

1988
01:10:47,154 --> 01:10:48,914
And on that note, we should probably go

1989
01:10:48,914 --> 01:10:50,594
do stuff. Yeah. And we got more stuff

1990
01:10:50,594 --> 01:10:52,329
to do after this stuff. More stuff. And

1991
01:10:52,329 --> 01:10:54,170
then there's stuff after that. Oh, and then

1992
01:10:54,170 --> 01:10:54,670
my

1993
01:10:55,289 --> 01:10:57,070
my to do list filled with stuff.

1994
01:10:58,170 --> 01:11:00,670
Stuff after stuff after stuff. Yeah. Yeah.

1995
01:11:01,210 --> 01:11:02,489
And you need a place to put all

1996
01:11:02,489 --> 01:11:03,610
that stuff. What do you do with all

1997
01:11:03,610 --> 01:11:06,110
that stuff? I'm looking at my shipping station

1998
01:11:07,414 --> 01:11:10,255
that has become a placeholder for stuff Yeah.

1999
01:11:10,454 --> 01:11:11,755
I'm not happy about.

2000
01:11:13,654 --> 01:11:15,274
Anyway, this is what we thought.

2001
01:11:15,654 --> 01:11:17,895
And, hopefully, if anybody who can join on

2002
01:11:17,895 --> 01:11:20,454
the Friday night live, November 15th, 9:30 PM

2003
01:11:20,454 --> 01:11:21,479
EST. Mhmm.

2004
01:11:21,880 --> 01:11:24,199
Hopefully, we'll air quotes see you there. Yeah.

2005
01:11:24,199 --> 01:11:26,220
Okay. Alright. Bye. Bye.