You're listening to the Loving BDSM podcast episode
418.
Kayla Lords here with the one, the only,
the guy who had a coffee orgasm right
before we started recording, John Brownstone. Yeah. And
it was delightful.
I mean, it's not y'all, it's not his
first cup of coffee of the day. Okay?
Yeah. It is I mean It just it
just hit me the right way. Alright? You
know? It it just
Yeah. Yeah. It was it was an event
to watch unfold as well.
Anyway, that's not why we're here today. That
is not why we're here today.
But, technically,
nobody would be surprised that we would be
talking about assertive submissives
today.
I don't know. The topic just came to
me. I can't imagine why. That's cool. I'll
be on standby.
Stop.
Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this
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lords. That's patreon.com/kayla
lords or use the link in the show
notes. Before we get into the topic, let's
do some announcements.
One is very simple. We have a livestream
Friday night, this Friday, November 15th
starting at 9:30 PM EST. It's our monthly
livestream.
We,
will be there. First 30 minutes is whatever
chaos
we start with. And then at 10 o'clock,
the chaos continues, but we also answer kinky
questions. It's a BDSM q and a for
the rest of the night.
So
so,
yeah, there's that. Then next announcement, why don't
I just get my notes up so I'm
not trying to do this by memory?
Notes are good. We are sponsoring us because
we like to pay the mortgage.
So it's actually kind of a blanket statement.
We have
way too many Etsy shops for 1 couple
because we have way too many interests.
They are all having sales. From now through
the end of the year,
the loving BDSM Etsy shop, has our kinky
workbooks, has kinky coloring books. I am hoping
this week to get, a couple more out.
They've been burning a hole in my brain.
I wanna make them.
We'll see. But we also have stickers, and
we have shirts, and we have mugs, and
blah blah blah blah. So
that one.
My Etsy shop, my bookish Etsy shop called
Book Dreams, it's on sale. I got Christmas
themed stuff and then I got non Christmas
themed stuff. I'm trying to get some winter
stuff that's not Christmas,
but there that's all on on sale. Plus
I have some clearance that I would really
like to get rid of.
I won't be remaking it. And so, yeah,
some stuff is 50% off. And then JB's,
shop where he makes things, out of wood
that are not kinky, his vanilla
wood
shop,
that is also on sale. And the sales
will change Black Friday. Like, if you're like,
okay. I I really I really need to
save the most. I'll go ahead and tell
you. We're gonna have a Black Friday sale.
The difference, if you're thinking about stuff, on
JB's shop, everything he makes is one of
a kind.
So if it gets sold
before you get a chance to buy it
and you want it,
there's no guarantee
it'll come back, and we don't really take
custom orders
once Black Friday hits. We don't have time.
So just keep that in mind if you're
looking for gifts and you see something on
JB's site, but everything is on sale through
the whole through
till New Year's Eve, y'all. The whole rest
of the fucking year, everything's on sale. Okay.
Links are in the places for anybody who
wants it.
Feel free to shop around, favorite blah blah
blah blah. Okay. Okay. Let's get into the
topic. Okay. This one comes straight from me,
and I went to JP, and I was
like, can we talk about this? He's like,
yeah. Sure. Because I don't think I've ever
had a topic idea that you weren't like
you know, maybe not now or maybe let
you think about it, but you've always been
like, yeah. Sure. We could talk about that.
I think over the years, there's been 2
topics
I shot now. Yeah. And I can't I
didn't come to you going, oh, this is
what I really wanna talk about. It was
more like a what do you think about
this? Because even I had doubts. Yep. This
was not one of them. So why are
we talking about something that for
anybody who knows and and enjoys an assertive
submissive is not at all surprising or shocking?
So I keep
Instagramming too close to the sun. Okay?
And some,
that that handle I will forever fucking hate.
Loving d s, the number 1, at loving
d s one. I hate that handle on
Instagram.
I've started doing reels that are, like, memes
and informational reels and just, just playing with
stuff.
And I did a little jokey joke one
that made me smile
and referred to assertive submissives
with a praise kink. It was hilarious. It's
it's fine if you don't think it's funny.
I thought it was funny. I was delighted.
And had at least 2 comments where somebody
went, oh, you mean brats?
And look,
the great debate of whether I am a
brat
or not, it's not really a debate. I
know how I identify, but I get where
that comes from. The sass versus the brat.
But something about
brat being automatically associated with assertive, I I
just I I did the jocklynch thing, and
I was like, I'm annoyed.
I I think And it's not because you
can't if you're bratty, you're not assertive
was
just like, no. But it's not the same
thing. Yeah. In in my mind, I think
that the 2 are Brad is a little
different than being assertive. Right. But then you
can be an assertive brat.
Of course. You're gonna be assertive as you
can be
an assertive anything. Right. I am an assertive
service sub. I will get shit done, but
I have questions, thoughts, and opinions
that we have to cover before I can
get shit done. All along the way.
So
that's why. Right? I I really think for
anybody who is
a fairly assertive person
and submissive or
partnered with somebody like that, you're like, oh,
this is a is this a thing?
Yeah. Kind of. Partly because there is the
stereotype
that submissives are supposed to be
quiet. And you can be quiet and assertive,
but, you know, like that meek The demure.
Shower.
And I, we've already established, I'm not demure.
I'm a goblin.
I made that real too.
Used that sound. It was delightful.
And it's fine
for if people are that way and want
to be that way and they feel fulfilled
in their relationship and they're not necessarily
assertive. But I also think that assertive gets
a bad rap, especially
if you are one of 2 things and
definitely both. If you were submissive, for sure.
If you are a woman, definitely. And God
help you if you're both. Right? Like men
get called assertive. Women get called bitches. You
know what I mean? Like, you're a leader.
I'm bossy. That kind of thing.
So
I feel like it's important to talk about.
Mhmm. For the people who
might not
might worry that that somehow makes them
incorrect or wrong. Is this miss if it
doesn't? But we're gonna talk about it because
also
people get confused with assertive and other terms.
And we'll talk about that.
But
first, let's talk about what it means. Okay.
Thank you, Google. Because assertive is one of
those words, I know what I mean when
I say it. And most people would probably
know my the vibe I was going for,
but that's not actually educational or informational. I
thought I'd try words Okay. Instead of vibes.
So there's different ways,
that this term gets,
defined, but here are a few.
Direct and honest communication without trying to hurt
anyone's feelings. So it's not the direct and
honest that takes no care for the listener,
but it's the one where you're you're trying
to do right by the person you're talking
to, but you you've got something to say.
Having or showing a confident and forceful personality.
I think I think a spotlight turned on
me when I got one.
It's very strange.
And then this one was,
this one came from the dictionary. I can't
remember which. Was it Webster Merriam or I
can't Oxford? I don't remember. Bold or confident
statements and behavior. Now some of those terms
are subjective, bold,
forceful,
but I think we all kinda know what
to do. Yeah. I mean, to me, one
of the things I would say about someone
who's assertive is that they're they're take they
take initiative. That is also a thing. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Which,
for anybody who's like, wait, Taking initiative and
being specific,
they're not complete
opposites. You can do both. I take initiative
with JB's blessing, with his permission, with his
understanding of what I will take initiative on
and what I that's that's not my role,
and we will do something different in our
power exchange.
So, yeah, the when I was trying to
before I googled
let let Google give me better words. When
I was thinking about
being assertive, the the things that came to
my mind were
direct and clear communication.
Because when I feel the most assertive,
certainly within our power exchange, and I'm being
assertive with JB,
mostly, I'm just being direct. I'm saying what
I think
within the confines of our power exchange, which
in our power exchange, the rule is I
could say anything I need to say as
long as I stay
Correct. I I do not get to come
in. No. You do not get to come
in all guns blazing. Right. Filled with sarcasm.
I'm good.
The snark is sky high.
Now, does the snark happen? Yes. But when
I get snarky,
I think I'm being funny. I'm not actually
trying to be disrespectful.
One person's sass is another person's disrespect.
So to be assertive should not actually be
a shocking thing in kink because
one of the hallmarks of
responsible,
ethical,
healthy kink is direct and clear communication.
What that sounds like and looks like varies
from person to person.
For me, it started out where I was
not assertive in my clear and direct communication
at all.
I was I was very, like, nervous and
shy and insecure, and I wasn't sure what
response I was gonna get. And I did
better if I wrote it down and then
didn't have to look at his face
while he
learned whatever I was saying in writing. Right?
But over time,
it's
it's way easier to just say what I
gotta say.
There are times
when it's not so much. I that's the
thing. I think some people are assertive
most of the time and some people are
probably assertive just less. I am
not assertive with everybody.
I am not assertive in all situations.
Sometimes I get into my little subby headspace,
and I'm like, the last fucking thing I
wanna be is assertive. I was assertive with
you 10 minutes ago. I told you what
I wanted. I'm done. I'm done. And then
I can be
the
soft,
meeker, milder, gentler version of myself. Goblin?
Goblin comes out
when I'm not naked.
Like,
once once, like, we've gotten our fuckery in
place and, you
know,
and usually my softer side comes out. But
I'm not assertive in all things at all
times either. True. I am more assertive with
you, and this is a thing that's kind
of been in my mind as I've thought
about this topic. It was supposed to be
last week's topic, so for 2 weeks I've
been thinking about this,
is that I am safe to be assertive
with you. That that's what I was gonna
say. I I think after all this time,
you know me well enough that you feel
safe
enough to, you know, allow that to show.
I will forever be in awe of people
who are assertive without needing to feel safe
to do it. I'm like, wow. How do
you do that? Is it in your DNA?
Can you teach me your ways? Because
I have to have a level
of comfort and confidence
in the situation
or the person I'm with. Now sometimes I'm
confident enough in myself in the situation. Like,
if if somebody wants to come at me
sideways and weird because of our power exchange,
I can be assertive in that situation because
I'm extremely comfortable with who I am as
a submissive in our power exchange. It's easy.
But,
you know, don't look at me funny in
the grocery store where there's way too many
people and I'm it's already, like, too much
sensory input, and I'm already, like, kinda freaked
out because guess what? I am not. I
am not assertive in that situation.
No. At all. No.
So
how how would you talk about, think about,
describe what
me being assertive
is like for you?
I mean Oh, dear. I do keep it
fun. Right? Like, you're on your toes. You
know, that that's one thing
yeah. It keeps me on my toes, keeps
things interesting.
You know, it's it's been
quite a journey with you.
Okay. Okay? Because, you know, let's talk talking
about you were talking about the whole safe
thing. I remember
early on in our relationship, even when we
first
moved in together,
you
at that
time, were very quiet,
and and you were very demure at that
point in our relationship.
And as you got to know me
Yeah. And and and you got
to realize how far you could get with
poking the bear
Yeah.
And that I enjoyed poking the bear. Yes.
That I've I've realized it was fun to
poke the bear Right. Yeah. To a certain
degree, to a certain limit. Yeah.
So, yeah, you've made an art form, I
think, out of poking the bear.
You're the only one I wanna poke.
You're the only one I metaphorically
wanna know. Yeah.
Physically, I'm I can be convinced. You know,
and and I know
it it's it's not for everybody,
but
I couldn't imagine
us not being that way at this point.
Yeah. I don't
I can't imagine what we would be like
if we were not this way. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. So,
you know, that's that's had it kept it
interesting
and fun.
Well, yeah. Because
so sometimes my assertiveness
is,
I have questions about this thing you want
me to do. And I'm I sound concerned
and I sound confused, but I'm quick to
go, I need I need more than information
than what you're giving me. Sometimes my assertiveness
is is sassy and is joking, and I'm
poke poking the bear. I'm trying to get
a point across without being too serious,
or the the sarcasm just gripped me by
the throat and
I would combust if I didn't let it
out in some way.
Yes. Yes, Anne. Like, all those things are
true. And then, truly, there are times that
I'm just not it's not that I'm not
assertive.
I think it's that I've been assertive
enough in the past that
I don't have to remind you of who
I am or what I want. Oh, yeah.
You, you know, there's no need. And that
is a nice feeling because then I feel
like I can soften a little bit. Well
I can just, like, follow your lead and
there's there's no need for conversation. I'm I'm
I'm gonna point out a funny thing that
happened just this morning.
Mhmm. So,
you know, I I got up this morning
and I I had some things that I
wanted to do this morning before we did
all all this. You know, and I'm trying
to map it all out in my head,
how I wanna do all these things. Some
of it was was for home, some of
it was for work, some of it was
personal. You know, it was a a whole
mishmash of of things.
And and I'm trying to to,
you know, coordinate what I'm going to do
this morning and and how much of it
can I get done? And this one goes,
what are your plans for tomorrow?
What what what are you gonna do tomorrow?
I have no clue yet. What do you
mean you don't know yet? Well, I I
I need to know these things. I I
need to know. I I I gotta be
able to plan my own life. Right. Right.
And I'm like, as soon as I know
Which here's I will tell you. Here's what
he's gonna know. He's gonna know at 8:15
tomorrow, and I will have already mentally mapped
out my day. And then what he needs
from me will throw off
my planned schedule, and then
I will be
quietly in my head a total fucking bitch.
It's what kinda happened the other day when
I thought this is how my day was
gonna go, and you came in and went,
actually, what we're doing is
not only was I assertive, but I would
not have come across as submissive to any
fucking body. Not even JB.
Yeah.
And and I you know, there there is
a line
to being assertive and and submissive at the
same time where, you know, I'm going to
let you know what I think. I'm going
to ask my question. I'm going to tell
you what I want,
and then I'm going to step back and
you
decide.
Now it helps in our power exchange that
I always have
space to let you know what I think,
and we've talked about this in the past
in other episodes.
I can submit to JB because I know
he will listen to me. I will get
the opportunity to share my thoughts, share my
experiences, share what I think,
you know, give advice, say here's what I
would do, whatever, whatever.
And then he'll take that information in, in,
and he may still make a completely different
decision than the one I'm advocating for, but
I know I was heard. Right? I know
that he respected me enough and that he
wanted to hear my opinion on something.
As long as I have that with a
person I trust, who our values align, the
way we kind
of look at life's aligns enough,
then it's easy to to kinda sit back
and go, okay. Now it's on you, and
I will follow whatever you want.
And I think that's where some people get
very confused, you know, about us saying thinking
or feeling that maybe a submissive should not
be too assertive. It's like, no. No. No.
No. No. I tell you what I think.
I let you know what I want.
And then And there's nothing wrong with that.
Not at all. How do you even set
limits and boundaries if you're not communicating what
you think and what you want? Right.
But the submission comes into,
I've said my piece. You know where where
I stand. I will follow what you decide.
You decide and I'm there and I'm supportive.
Sometimes I don't want to be assertive. Sometimes
I'm tired y'all, and I just don't have
it in me. And you'll ask a question
expecting
a direct answer. Here's what I think. And
I'm like, nope. Don't have it in me.
Whatever you wanna do, I'm down for.
And I'm being assertive in the even in
the don't ask me anything kind of thing.
But then there are times, we've done this
a couple times recently,
And I it struck me
because we don't get to I don't feel
this way often enough.
We were
grocery shopping. We were at Sam's Club.
Crazy busy parking lot. I am already
overwhelmed that we haven't walked in the building
yet.
And we needed to get across, and JB's
head on a swivel got the cart. I'm
like, he's down. He's ready.
And I and this little voice in my
head went, you don't even have to look
up. If you just stay in his shadow
and follow him,
he will get you where you need to
be. And no thoughts, just vibes. Like, you
just just don't even worry about and that's
just kind of what I did
until we were actually in the process of
the boring grocery shopping and making decisions. But
in that moment when I felt overwhelmed,
I didn't feel the need to take control
of the situation in order to make myself
feel less overwhelmed.
That was a time when I could give
up all control literally of even cross, like,
how I cross the street
because
I knew I could trust you. I knew
I could follow you. I knew you would
take care of me. And that's in a
very small, like,
everyday sort of way. And I don't kinda
get to feel that way about things very
often because
a lot of the things in our personal
life and our professional life
that we are dealing with and have been
dealing with
requires input from both of us. Right?
Requires both of us to show up and
go, here's what the hell I think, and
here's what I think we should do, and
what do you wanna do and all that.
And so I guess
it's just more noticeable to me in the
small moments when I'm just like,
I'm just a little baby girl following her
daddy doll. I don't have to think about
nothing.
And in that moment, it is fucking delightful,
and I'm here for it. I'm here for
it.
But I
the way I personally am wired, I could
not spend all my time in that headspace,
in that in that place. Because I I
got thoughts and feelings about shit, and I
want to be able to express them.
And I want to be able to express
them to the person who is my partner
in all aspects of life. Right? Like, I
don't wanna just fucking journal them. I don't
wanna just fucking blog them. I wanna look
the person I love the most in the
eyeballs and go, let me tell you, I
kinda thought you were a little bit of
an asshole back there.
She said respectfully.
See, I I do sometimes wonder if JB,
questions his life choices, because he said you
can say literally anything as long as you're
respectful. I'm like, let me show you how
to get cussed out respectfully.
Very rarely. I'll very I actually
the times I need to be assertive because
JB has
oopsied somewhere
in our relationship, I'm near tears having to
go tell him that I think, hey. Something
went off the rails here because
I I don't
I
know JB cannot be put up on a
pedestal because the only way to go from
there is down. And we've we had that
experience early on living together. We had that
experience. I know. And then and then it
happened, and I was like, oh my god.
Is
like, the earth has tilted off its axis.
What is happening? So I know better than
to do that, but to
feel it's important
to me,
to our relationship,
to in a calm, quiet moment to go,
I think you were wrong and it really
pissed me off. I might not say pissed
off. I might.
It's all about the vibes, You know? And
and I think you did this thing wrong.
I don't wanna ever have to tell JB
I think he's wrong or that I it's
not even I think he's wrong. I know
damn well he's fucking wrong, and we've gotta
now deal with it. Like, here's where you
fucked up, she said respectfully.
Here's what I think about it. Here's how
it made me feel. I don't
I I
I want
my daddy dom to always be right in
all things. That is what I want.
That is not how life works. Right? You
are
being right or wrong can be subjective about
certain things when there's no single right way
to accomplish a task. Right?
And so you get to be right most
of the time because you make the decision,
and then I follow your lead and we
get to the outcome we were trying to.
Or we go, oh, I couldn't expect this
outcome, but none of our solutions would have
you know, whatever. But sometimes you're just fucking
wrong about something. And if if
I can't tell him
and have that
dialogue
and get that off my chest and have
that and work through it Mhmm. Then
I who the fuck can I talk to,
1? And 2, that just turns to resentment.
Yeah.
It just turns to resentment.
Or it turns in in my experience, it
turns inward, and now I'm just questioning myself.
I don't even trust myself because I had
a thought. I had a feeling, and I
didn't talk about it with JB. I didn't
work through it. He did not apologize if
that is what was necessary. He did not
change your behavior if that was what was
necessary.
And and I have seen this happen to
some
people who are submissive in a power exchange
where instead of going, hey.
The dumb was kind of the asshole there.
They turn inward. I've done this. Turn inward
and go, what is wrong with me
that I feel this way? And so it's
not even resentment that sometimes builds up. It
can be,
you know, it can be a self esteem
killer in a heartbeat. You question yourself. You
don't trust yourself.
Whereas if I can say what I need
to say, if JB thinks I'm wrong and
he can back up
his claims that I'm wrong, and I'm willing
to listen to him, I'm willing I don't
wanna be told him wrong. I hate being
told him wrong, but I trust him so
he can tell me I'm wrong, and then
I can rethink
my view on something. But that only happens
because there's clear and direct and very honest
communication
between both of
us. Why am I sweating talking about this
topic?
It's a hot topic. It's a hot topic.
Have there been times when you wished I
was not as assertive as I am?
On occasion, yes.
What are those times like? Like, when what
kind of situation are we talking about? How
does it make you feel? All all the
things.
More than anything, I think when it happens,
it it is a, for me, a matter
of a feeling of frustration.
Mhmm.
Like, what kind of frustration?
You know, for example,
I love you. Okay? I unequivocally, I love
you.
But there there there are times I will
come to you and I will ask you
a question,
and I'll be like, I just need a
yes or no. I just need a quick
yes or no. I I I just need
a no. And and you nope. You've given
me the whole story.
The whole
story. I'm sorry. My brain hurts. 2 hours
later, I'm still there waiting for a yes
or no. That's not
true.
Here's the thing.
I think it sucks for you that you
were the safest person I have to communicate
with. I was thinking about this earlier today,
and this is not about being assertive. This
is just about my own sort of personal
journey and figuring out who the hell am
I actually.
And in the
I believe I'm neurospicy. I just don't know
what flavor.
And so masking in the way that is
used typically for neurodivergent people, I I'm positive.
I've been doing that my whole life. I
just look back on my whole life and
I go, oh, oh.
What happened though was not only did I
start working from home where I didn't need
to mask, you are my safe person. Yeah.
You're the last person I'm gonna mask around.
So you remember me with the mask, and
now you know me without the mask. Yeah.
Me with the mask would tear myself internally
into pieces to give you exactly what you
asked for. You wanted a yes or no
question. I don't know how to do it,
and quite frankly, I think my head's gonna
explode, but here, because I'm gonna make you
happy. This is whatever.
And that's outside of power change, make him
happy. Like, that's just my interactions with people.
Give people exactly what they want
even if that's not good for me. Now
I'm
unmasked, I guess, is the right way to
say it. And
you sometimes ask for something
that requires a level of self control that
I don't always have. Sometimes I do, and
sometimes I do not. Because typically when you
want
a
yes or no answer Mhmm. It's on something
that is, subjective. It is complex. There is
nuance.
There is
no one for nuance.
But sometimes
But sometimes you want yes or no, and
I'm actually
I'm over here going, actually, there's a third
option you haven't thought about called
maybe. Right? Or you want a yes or
no,
answer on this question, but that's not actually
the question you should be asking. And guess
what?
I will, like, word vomit all the fuck
over you because you will listen to me.
Mhmm.
And so I know I can't. And I'm
not saying that's
a a a trait I should be proud
of. You gotta have you gotta learn how
to, you know, communicate the way people need
you to communicate
if they are worth taking the time and
effort to do that.
But, yes, I have seen the frustration.
Now now see,
here's something that I've been noodling Okay. Okay,
on this
particular topic.
K? So
if I come to you,
and I have a question,
and I tell you I want I I
just need a yes or no. Mhmm. Just
need a yes or no.
By you giving me a yes or no
without any other
any any other filler,
you're doing me an act of service.
Okay. But I'm gonna need to know, in
the negotiation of this act of service,
when will I get to say all of
the things I need to say about that
topic?
And
when you come and ask me for a
yes or no Mhmm. And you want a
one word answer, am I allowed to say
okay. It's 2 words. It depends. And then
and then at some point in the near
future, while I can still even remember the
fucking topic and my own thoughts about it,
can I then tell you all the things
I was thinking?
I
have my whole fucking life been a person
who's like, if I don't say the thoughts
I'm thinking right now, they're gone and I'll
never get to say them again.
That does not make me a good conversationalist,
which is why in conversation,
like, back and forth, like, in groups, I
just don't say fucking anything because I know
I suck.
But
I if I know
the opportunity is there later
after you get what you're asking for Mhmm.
That is easier
to give you what you're asking for.
Does that make sense? Like, could you, in
those moments
we're just negotiating now. Here's what we're this
active service. This is the negotiation. This is
the thing I'm asking for. You come to
me and say, I just need a yes
or no answer. Right.
What I am asking for are 2 things,
for it to be okay for the answer
to be it depends or maybe
because it really is too complex for yes
or no.
And
a time
later, not too far later because the thoughts
will just vanish. Mhmm. I can tell you
all the things I was was thinking. Unless
you ask right then, because then if you
say,
what do you mean it depends?
I feel like you've done it to yourself
at that point. But if if you're like,
okay. That's information. I'll come back and we'll
talk about it later. Can we do it
that way?
Yeah. I think so. Okay. I will do
my best
and because I will forget this conversation ever
fucking took place.
At least No. It's it's on right now.
No. No. No. I'm not saying it's not.
I'm gonna pretend it didn't take place. I
mean,
the memory of it will be gone.
The, reminder is we negotiated this, and then
it'll trigger the memory and I'll I'll have
it. Okay. Look. I got filing cabinets in
my brain, and some of them are crusty
dusty. And if you don't say the right
word,
I can't open it. I can't find that
memory. Mhmm. Mhmm. So, yeah, if you just
remind me we negotiated this, then that'll be
the memory trigger until I get used to
it. Yeah. Because it's really very rare you
come to me and tell me
I just need a simple answer.
Most of the time, if you're coming to
me to ask me a question, you
maybe you just mentally prepare yourself for it.
You just know there's gonna be a conversation.
To have a full cup of coffee?
I do. You know, I'm not completely oblivious.
I do try to
pay attention to timing. I know. You know?
I know. Well, I mean, for for several
years, we had the signal. Signal. We stopped
using it, and then I used it the
other day and you picked it up like
it was nothing. I would say, is your
green light on? Which means he's
focused enough on me. He can hear my
voice and he's taking in the information.
Quite frankly, the way you know the green
light is not on is if you go,
is your green light on and you get
no answers?
Nope. Green it's red. It's definitely not on.
It's not on.
He doesn't even know I'm in the room
breathing with them at that point.
So I separated these this out into 2
separate things, but I think we can talk
about it kind of together. And we kinda
talked about 1 already.
It's where
the idea of being assertive
gets a bad rap.
One is the one that annoyed me, so
I had to make we had to do
this topic,
that being assertive is not
the same as being bratty. Those are 2
separate things that, yes, somebody can be both.
Mhmm. But the other one is that being
assertive
is not being
demanding. Oh, that you don't. Demanding is a
whole thing on itself. And it can sound
and look a little bit like being assertive.
Yeah. But I think
I think I I think the difference between
the 2 can be summed up in,
you know, if you're demand if someone's demanding,
they're like, I want this right now. Mhmm.
I don't wanna wait. Get this to me.
Right. And and assertive would be,
okay, here's what we're looking at,
and moving forward we need to take these
steps to get this done. Right.
You talk like a dom. It's I love
it. I'm gonna do it from a submissive
perspective. Okay.
Assertive is,
this is the thing I would like.
This is the thing I feel like I
need.
And then asking the direct question, is this
something you can provide?
Demanding
is what a lot of,
air quotes, missives do typically in FetLife DMs.
Here are the list of things that I
will do and you can do to me
and I want you to do to me.
We I don't even know your name.
We haven't had a conversation.
And this isn't a question of would you
be willing,
can you, will you,
do you fucking want to? Like, there is
an assumption
that I will proclaim these things,
and then you,
oh kink dispenser,
will just provide.
That's
a form Put in your coin drop your
coins and pull the knob. Right.
That would be, for me, demanding. Mhmm. And,
again,
because let's let's be real. We're I'm using
brat because it gets such a fucking bad
rap.
You could be a demanding brat,
which I think is like bratty squared. Like,
it's just bratty times bratty.
And I I think quite frankly for
many brats, it would sort of take some
of the fun out of it. Like, if
I
I'm not a brat, but I man, I'll
play on that line. Like, I'll walk that
edge.
Mostly, I want to be the good girl
who does what she's told. I just I
just think I'm funny.
I could pretend to be demanding for
the reaction I'm gonna get if I think
the reaction
is gonna be the reaction I want.
But I have learned the lesson
that for all that JB is a daddy
dom, he's also a sadistic motherfucker,
literally.
And,
he he knows the greatest punishment
is to not at all give me what
I want and to give me fucking nothing
and to make sure I know why I'm
not getting anything. So guess what? Demanding gets
me no fucking wear. But that's what I
was talking about earlier. Like, for me to
be assertive, I'm gonna let you know what
I want or what I'd like or what
I wish for or what I need or
whatever whatever. Right. And then I'm gonna step
back and go, but it's your decision and
then whatever you decide,
I'm going to abide by it. Mhmm. Because
whatever he's gonna decide is gonna be within
my boundaries and limits, y'all.
The thing that makes that easier, and it's
a trust thing, and it took time to
get there, not that long, but it did
take time, is that I know, and I
have learned the hard way,
because I didn't say I wasn't pushy sometimes.
I think that's the the the
in the, oh god,
spectrum
from assertive to demanding. Pushy is in there
a little bit.
It's it's closer to demanding, but it's
anyway Not not all the way there. What
I know will happen from experience
is that I will not get the thing
I asked for exactly the way I asked
for it. I will not get it exactly
when I asked for it. It will be
JB's version of the thing I wanted.
And that for me is part of submission.
It's saying, I really want this thing, and
I know through our conversations and our negotiation
that you will provide this. Right? It's why
we work. Right?
But and it's both the fun thing and
kind of the scary thing.
You will do it
your way
on your time
Mhmm.
You know,
as the dom. I will not dictate any
of that. That's true. And so what that
means
is that I've learned years ago, learned the
lessons the hard way that what you then
don't do is go, but when? But when,
daddy? But when?
Because then the answer is for never. It's
fucking never now. I will make you wait
longer.
What I understand
I understood later about myself
that I didn't understand at the time. It
was a trust thing. I didn't know if
I would get it, so I worried I
would not get it.
And
when I finally, like, I don't know, light
bulb moment kinda thing,
and I realized, wait. If I just tell
him and then step back,
it's gonna be good. It's not gonna be
what I envisioned, but it's gonna be good.
And then that's when I developed the dreaded
p word, patience,
but I
I developed patience through fuckery
because you forced
me to. Because you forced me to. Pretty
much, yeah. I did.
Mhmm. But you agreed to it. Yeah. Because
you you didn't
say no. Right. You know, this is so
yeah.
Yeah. I mean, but part of it's because
it's
for us, in in the way we kind
of navigate our different roles and head spaces
and the things we like,
the submissive in me
wants to be taken care of
and follow the lead of my dom. Right?
So whatever he's decided within the scope of
what I'm okay with, I just wanna do
it. Baby girl in me
has some shit to say, and I think
I'm hilarious.
And I wanna laugh, and I wanna be
goofy and silly. Right?
The masochist is like, okay. I'm gonna need
you to make me suffer for this.
And, you know,
I talk about those things like they're 3
distinct
parts of who I am, but they there's
all this overlap.
Some days, I'm more of a baby girl
Some days I'm more of a masochistic baby
girl. Like,
some You spin the wheel and take the
camps. Right.
May the odds be ever in your favor
of who I am on any given day.
But what that ends up meaning is that
by asserting what I I need and want
and then stepping back and just letting it
happen when it happens,
if he's feeling his sadistic self, he's gonna
make me wait a long time or he's
going to
interpret my words the way it's like the
genie when you're asking the question
and they find the loophole.
If I say,
daddy, I really need a spanking. Like, I
I just I really needed this. It's been
a hot minute. But I don't then say
I needed to feel like a deep tissue
massage. Oh, I'll get the spanking. She will.
I absolutely will. Might not be that dead,
but I will get it. But if I
do not specify and try to close all
the loopholes I can think of, it will
be
with the stingiest
fucking toy that he knows that I don't
love.
And when I'm like, daddy, no. Why? This
hurts. He's like, you asked for it. I'm
just providing what you asked for. I'm providing
my service.
But but when I'm in my masochistic
feels, I'm complaining, but I'm fucking loving it.
Right?
And so
yeah. I mean,
thankfully,
we're compatible clearly,
but we are not identical. Right? Like Right.
So I might be in a masochist baby
girl headspace, and you might be in the,
I'm kind of the serious, stern dom right
now, and I don't really, like, have patience
for the baby girl stuff.
What I have found
most of the time
is that
we can shift for each other.
Mhmm. Like, if you see me being playful
but basically egging you on to make it
hurt more, and you know even if you
didn't walk in in that mindset, if you're
down for it, if you're if you're into
it Mhmm. You'll shift a little bit. Yeah.
There there there are times it can definitely
shift the mindset, and then there are times
I just Just can't. No matter what. And
then my job is either to shift or
we have to go, okay. Maybe this is
the habit of play today.
Not the time for this. And, you know,
I don't know what that has to do
with being assertive, but we I got well,
I think I got off on a little
tangent there. Whatever. It was fun.
Okay. Other than the not being able to
just give you a clear answer when you
ask for a yes or no, is there
anything about me being assertive
that
surprises you that you had to adjust to?
After all, after the time we've we've been
together, there's nothing about it that surprises me
anymore. Oh, good. Good. I don't think I
have any more tricks at my sleeve. I
I hope not. I hope not too. Not
sure I can handle any new tricks right
now. No.
But,
you know, yeah, you I and, you know,
the funny thing is
is that now, at this point,
I I couldn't see you any other way.
Mhmm.
Thank god because I don't think I could
be any other way. If I so like
I said before, I am not assertive in
all things all the time everywhere. Like, that's
not that's not.
But I am assertive more often than I
am not.
And so
if I stopped being assertive, you would you
would take note.
I think here's my belief. I think for
about 5 minutes, he'd go, oh, this is
nice, and he
he would enjoy it. And then there would
come a point where he's like, no. Fuck.
I was expecting her to speak up here.
Something's not right. Then you'd come What what
is this trembling in the force? Right. What
is happening here?
Thankfully,
I feel safe enough, and I and our
trust levels are good, and our communication is
good, and I am assertive enough to actually
be able to say,
I I can't I can't do this. I
don't have it in me, whatever it might
be. Right? Like, you wanna talk about something,
you need my opinion. We wanna renegotiate something.
We want something where under different circumstances, I
would be very assertive.
Robert pointed out in the live chat something
we said at the kind of alluded to
at the very top.
And the it's
why assertive
can be by some people
deemed a problem for submissives. What you typically
hear is you're not a real submissive.
That's the thing. It's very rare that,
I I have it directed at me, but
it happens often enough that
I
I I know
I I hear it. It's I read the
comment. Whatever, whatever. Not all the time, not
by everybody, but enough.
Where
I have
strong opinions.
I am confident in my ability to speak
here.
JB leads
nearly all of our life, but
this podcast,
I lead it. Mhmm.
That that's her. Right. And it that really
throws people off when they don't when they
don't know.
And part of it's because I'm submissive. And
like I said before, part of it's because
I'm a woman. And this idea that a
woman can be assertive, it really fucks with
people. Some people just can't fucking handle it.
That really I think that really sucks for
you that you can't handle it.
I don't don't have any statements to make
about that part. For submissives though,
I wanna I set it at the top,
and I'm gonna say it again because I
do mean it even if I cannot fathom
it for myself.
If you
do not want to be assertive in your
submission,
it's not your vibe, it's not your personality
type. The way that you have structured your
power exchange
as
answering if asked, but not necessarily offering opinions
or,
you know,
finding
less
loud ways to be assertive than I am.
I am I'm very, very loud and proud
of my assertiveness.
That is fine because it's none of my
fucking business what you do in your relationship.
My whole thing for anybody is, are you
happy? Are you content? Are your needs getting
fulfilled?
Does this feel good for you? Is this
where you wanna be? Right?
But and so if that's what you want,
plea please do that. But I
worry for and I think about the submissives
who are being told that they're wrong or
think that they're wrong.
Because how dare a submissive have an opinion?
Here's the thing. If you are
let's put air quotes around it, air quote,
Dom,
who
is threatened by,
dislikes,
turned off by, or tries to shut down
the assertiveness
of a submissive,
my question is, what are you insecure about?
You can, within the confines of a power
exchange that the partner agrees to, you can
dictate how that looks, what that sounds like.
JB, it wouldn't work because I am who
I am, but JB could go, look, look,
look. Say what you need to say, but
this tone bothers me. This doesn't work for
me this way. Let's do it at this
time. Like,
with my you know, if I was willing
and that worked, we could negotiate
how that stuff. Right?
You that's power exchange. But that it is
done?
No.
No. Especially if your response to a submissive
of any gender
who is assertive is to tell them that
they're wrong,
you have just said a whole lot about
yourself,
and nothing about that is submissive. Now I
also think that language is important. Do you
think that they're assertive, or do you think
they're demanding? Because demanding,
I mean, it's weird. It's a personal thing.
If you yourself are like, I am a
demanding person. Okay. Well, you're gonna have to
find somebody who accepts
the demanding style. Right?
And I I think that's gonna be few
and far
between. And that's any side of the slash,
any flavor of relationship.
Most people don't want to have demands made
upon them. They want
collaboration. They want agreement. They want negotiation. They
want to feel heard. They want right? In
kink, nobody wants to be a kink dispenser
unless you have negotiated that scene and have
a good time. But in general,
over the course of a relationship, nobody wants
to be a kink dispenser. It doesn't feel
good after a while.
So yeah. Think about and then and then
god
damn it. Stop thinking that assertive and bratty
hand in hand. Assertive brats? Yes. Mhmm. But
I have come across some some subtle demure
brats who get get the bratting done, but
they have their their way that they do
it. In a subtle way. Yeah. I couldn't
be me. Okay?
Could not fucking be me.
Not at all.
Not at all. Yeah.
And the other thing is I would tell
doms especially,
you want an assertive sub to a to
a degree. Right? You want somebody who can
be clear and direct with you in their
communication
that
can be confident with you.
If a person
is confident away from you, but when they
get with you, they don't they're not
be portraying any confidence, that's to me, that's
a problem.
You can be confident and you can be
let's use the word demure. Like, I think
in the way it's actually intended and not
the way the Internet used it. You can
be that softer,
less assertive,
quieter,
part of yourself, and you can do that
with full confidence.
But if
what bothers the person is that you're confident
or they're not doing anything to build confidence
in their submissive,
that's the problem. Like, that's like, not everybody's
bold. I'm not bold most of the time.
I'm bold here because this is my fucking
space, and it's probably where I'm the most
comfortable,
other than when it's just me and JB.
Then I'm so comfortable, he wishes
I would get a little tense, quite frankly.
He wishes I would be less comfortable. But,
you know,
it's specific again to trust and safety. Right?
Where can I be
my freest self? And in
it doesn't have to be romantic or sexual,
but in a long term power exchange,
if that's not a space where either side
of the slash can be their most fucking
comfortable,
what are we doing here? Mhmm.
What is going on? Where is the depth
of trust being built between both of you?
Right? So that you can kind of go,
hey. This is maybe a side of me
that nobody would really get to see. And
I don't just mean the dom and the
sub part. Like, not even just the play,
just the, here, I'm gonna tell you what
I want. I'm gonna tell you what I
need. I'm probably gonna tell you shit I've
never fucking told anybody. I wouldn't even put
it down in a journal just in case
in 500 years somebody found it. Right? Like,
that's
that's where confidence can grow. And it could
be that it's just in those moments of
let's negotiate this thing, let's work out the
scene we're gonna do, let's talk about our
relationship, that that's when a submissive is assertive.
And then once they have asserted themselves,
that part quiets down a little bit.
But they could that's they're still assertive.
Did they make their needs and wants known
clearly and directly?
Could they be were they confident enough to
fully be themselves with you?
I mean, if we're going by the Internet's
definition of assertive,
I I think there's something there. And that's
not about how much you talk, how loud
you are, how crazy you are, like Kayla
Lords happens to be sometimes when she's really,
like, in it.
You know?
There's all these versions of what that means.
True. But True. True. True.
I made myself hot and sweaty.
You you were on a roll there. Yeah.
Do you have any
you're like, no. No. Good.
I'm
good. So, yes, how whatever assertive looks like
for you,
if you're being clear and direct,
you're confident in who you are,
you know, you have you feel safe enough.
You have the trust of maybe a partner
or a space where you could Mhmm. It
there's nothing wrong with being assertive. And quite
frankly, to some degree, at least in the
negotiation stage of stuff, in power exchange, citizens
need to be assertive.
You
you don't get what you want if you
can't say what you want. And, man, how
many times have we talked about that since
literally 2015?
Okay.
And asserting what you want is not the
same as making demands of or telling your
dom what they are supposed to do to
you in the way that they are supposed
to do. It's it's whim it's not it's
not that. It's not that.
That's a whole other thing.
So if you happen to be a person
who's like, ugh, assertive subs, I'm a need
you to do some introspection. That's that's you.
That's that's not us.
And if you've ever
thought or been told that you were somehow
wrong as a because you have strong opinions,
fuck that person. Okay?
You're not. You're not. You're not.
And, also, if you're not an assertive person,
but you
are happy with where you're at, you trust
the person you're with, it's a fulfilling relationship,
that's that is o that is okay too.
There is I say this about all kinds
of things all the time. There are as
many ways to submit and be submissive
as there are submissives in the world.
The thing you gotta figure out is what
makes you feel good,
what builds your confidence, what makes you feel
fulfilled and content.
Yep.
That's the thing. Mhmm.
Yeah. So now that I am sweaty,
I'm sure my face is redder than usual.
That's all I got to say for now.
Podcast listeners, the hand went on my hip.
I don't know. I don't know. I I
guess I'm feeling myself better.
Very assertive mannerism there.
You know?
I'm glad
we did not turn.
Every time I say assertive, take a take
a shot because we would all have alcohol
poisoning.
But,
yeah, talking about it, thinking about it makes
me feel it more. Mhmm. But, you know,
it also
I get to sort of cherish
more and be more aware of the moments
when I I don't feel the need to
be that way. Mhmm. When there's nothing for
me to say or I can tell you
something, but I could tell you later. And
I just
I want to to be following you like
a little duckling, and
that makes me happy.
Well, okay.
So so that that's all. That's all? For
now. Okay. Till next time. Right. Mhmm.
So,
are we good?
Yes.
Hold on. 1, we'll go into a bonus
section. 2, don't forget all of our Etsy
shops because we have more interest than we
have time. They're all on sale. Go forth,
link in places. Okay. Yes. Now I'm ready.
K. You ready? Sure. Okay.
Keep it kinky y'all, and we'll see you
next week.
Daddy.
Yes, baby girl. Can we talk to the
crickets?
No. You've been doing a lot of talking.
I know. I'd like you to do some
talking, but I still,
am required. Okay. Then I guess it's okay.
Okay. Good.
I do want to point out to you.
Mhmm.
It's now, I think, gonna be an Easter
egg in the lore of our podcast.
I think it's the last podcast we did
on dominance and communication. Mhmm.
And maybe the one before that?
It's one of those 2.
I did not ask for permission.
You did not catch it.
We just started fucking talking. Yeah. Yeah.
So there's an Easter egg for anybody.
Mhmm.
Oh my god.
No.
So bonus section. Bonus. Yes. You talk about
you because Yeah. You went through it last
week. Mhmm.
Yeah. Last week was not,
not fun for me.
You know, talked about my my
wonderful back
before
and,
now it seems
the little twist has been thrown in there.
In addition to the,
bad discs that I have,
now doctor tells me I have
arthritis
Yeah. Up my spine
and
totally different pain from the pain of the,
discs. Yeah. I think you were feeling the
kind of pain I feel in my neck
when then I have to go to the
doctor and be like Yeah. Please let me
have the steroid pack. Yep.
So,
yeah. That's, what they did. Steroid pack and
it brought the inflammation down and
I'm, functioning
again, but
this isn't
going to be the last time. Probably not.
No. I mean, just from my personal
experience,
no. Once once the neck starts doing whatever
that is, it just what my favorite part
in all of this, and you kind of
said it when you were describing what it
felt like, and then the doctor who is
not our normal doctor, but who we could
get in with the fastest Yeah.
Was like, oh, yes. Very tense. And I
just looked at JB and went, gee. I
can't imagine what in your life you have
to be tense about. Right. Yeah. And and
she did suggest, you know, you might wanna
look into getting a massage
And it may help a little bit. And
it probably would. And Yeah. I I have
thoughts about that where you can Yeah. Oh,
yeah. I mean, that my doctor, the last
time I went, it's been several months ago
when I got real bad, that was the
thing she said. She was like, you she
was like, not not those, like, fancy dancy
you need, like, the the massage that hurts.
I was like, yeah. I probably do. Yeah.
But, so, yeah, that's, that's kinda what, where
where I'm at.
And, you know, it's like, yay.
New level unlocked.
You know? What I've noticed in the past
few years is
the the your back and the pain is
like a little bit of an elevator. We
started at the lower back. Mhmm. We went
to the middle of your back. Now we're
already up to your your your neck. Yeah.
Yeah. Fun times. And doctor did tell me,
he said,
you know, once you start having problems, it
kinda with the back, it just kinda
cascades.
Yep.
So yep.
There I am.
And I'm glad you're feeling better. You know?
Yeah. I'm I am too. It was, not
not a a a fun herding.
The thing I I
was very impressed with you that you did
this because when you get let your when
you get stressed about what you need to
be doing, you you push too hard. Mhmm.
So it got so bad, you couldn't function.
So he Right. He sat still
long enough for us to get to the
doctor, get the steroids, blah blah blah. And
then in, like,
48 hours after starting to take the medication,
he started to feel better.
And normally,
JB would be tempted
to just go get some shit done. And
he looked at me and went, I think
I'm just gonna sit down this weekend. And
I went, I think that's a good idea.
Rest up completely. Yeah.
So that that's what we that's what we
did.
Lola
is,
good. Mhmm.
She is snoring on her cot right now.
She has a mystery limp
that comes and goes. Yeah.
And I
I don't want to hope I say this
word right. Anthropomorphize
our dog. I don't even know if that's
quite the right there's a word where you
you give people
I mean, you give animals, like, human characteristics.
But I did have the thought of,
is this a sympathy thing?
And I I kinda wondered that too a
little bit. Because you we could touch all
around it. We could move it. She was
not, like, flinching or anything. Mm-mm.
She was getting active zoomies and just tearing
around. Oh, yeah. If you have never seen
a pity,
get zoomies.
It's a sight to behold. It's a next
level experience. Like, I've seen all kinds of
dogs getting zoomies, but there's this oh, and
because I think it's because they're they're just
so fucking big and compact.
Think of,
think of, like, a, a charging rhino.
Yeah.
But we saw you got her to chase
you around the house. Like, there's all these
times, and there was nothing. But I noticed
it primarily when it was about food.
Feeding time, she thought she heard a bag,
thought that was her treat bag, whatever.
Then
there'd be this little this little hop skip
limp.
Yeah. It's like, are you
are you trying to get sympathy?
Mhmm. So that we'll give you more food?
Like, what is Right. Here. Well, you know,
and and it's funny you say that because
there, you know, there was a lot of
in early on with her,
when it was dinner
time, you know, she would sit. Right? She
would sit, you know,
and
because of her one leg that was shot,
it's shorter than the other. Now, normally, when
she sits, she's got both front paws on
on the on the ground. But when it's
dinner time
The one paw. That little she's got and
that little paw comes up. She can't she
can't bear to hold it down anymore.
It's like, Lisa,
might I have some more? Like,
okay. We're in a Dickens nominally. Okay.
So,
you know yeah. And,
you know, it it's it's funny because
I I noticed that
the limp
comes on sometimes in the evening. Mhmm.
And once I give her her bedtime biscuit
She's She's good. She's fine.
She's fine. She jumps on the couch in
one leap. She, you know And that's the
thing. She'll go from limp that back leg
is limping a little bit to full on
jumping on the couch. So we're we're watching
it if, you know, if it looks to
become consistent or if
reacts when we touch that leg or whatever
whatever, we will get her to the vet.
That's Yeah. You know, we'll just do it.
But Right. It it was weird because so
Lola
and JB are soulmates. Okay?
He loves me, but he loves Lola. So
JB goes through this thing that I see
a lot on the Internet people talking about
where he starts contemplating a future where
the worst has happened to Lola and will
get himself really upset.
Lola has like an eye twitch. He's like,
is she okay?
The amount of times he's, I mean, yelled,
called me to come running into another room.
Me, who already has a lot of anxiety
and it it does not take a lot
to send me into flight or freeze mode.
And he'll be like, look at her eye.
Does her eye and sometimes it's a legit
thing. And sometimes I'm like, no. That's just
what that part of her looks like. Hey.
It's adorable. It is adorable.
Lola cannot speak.
I am her advocate. You are her advocate.
Okay. I advocate for her. You are obsessed
with your dog, and I think that's delightful.
Okay? You don't obsess over your dog to
the detriment of all else, but it does
mean,
obsess over your dog to the detriment of
all else,
but it does mean you are both on
high alert for legit things,
and let's
go to the vet,
and let's deal with stuff. But also, especially
when you, I think, when you
start thinking of her age Yeah. You start
seeing stuff and I'm like,
I and and so the Well I'm in
this weird position of I do not want
to,
disregard your feelings or your concerns,
but also
I in my head where I control everything
up there well, no. Where I think I
have control there.
I'm like,
am
I crazy? Is is the injury in the
room with us? Like, I just
said. And I would never tell you to
stop because it is how we find issues
early. But I do think you you stress
yourself out
by it. I probably do a little bit.
So,
yeah. Oh, she she heard us talking about
her.
She's lumbering over or she's lumbering to the
door.
Okay. I'll let her. I'll let her. Okay.
I'll let her. Okay. You got it. Around.
So
but, you know, yeah. She's she's doing good.
And, you know, her age yeah. You know,
the other day did notice that,
the tip of her muzzle's starting to show
that little bit of white.
Yeah. It's creeping in.
And then again, my muzzle's got some white
too. So I mean, same.
I mean, I pluck mine, but
they're not all dark anymore.
Well, well, not been doing good.
There's
been stuff happening, but some of it I'm
gonna say for, Friday night. Okay. Okay.
So there.
So there. I'm gonna tease you like a
sadist I am.
Some of us like to be teased. That's
that's why we're that's why we
are in the roles that we're in. Just
saying.
Onyx,
and Ella
are
Onyx and Ella.
I believe I firmly believe that at night
when all the humans are put away,
these 2 probably cuddle and snuggle.
And I think it throws Ella off
during the day when the people are out
because she has several times now gone up
to try to, like, nuzzle and snuggle with
Onyx, and Onyx is not fucking having it
at all.
And I'm just like,
what do you 2 get up to at
night? And why, Onyx, are you rejecting
Ella, who just wants to be loved? Like,
is it is she a little
clingy? Yes.
Is Ella a little whiny?
Uh-huh.
Is Ella operating on half a brain cell?
Yeah. If there is a brain cell that
the cats share, Onyx does not give up
the fucking brain cell. No. Ella is, you
know,
no thoughts, just vibes. Yeah.
But she so desperately wants to cuddle with
anybody who will cuddle with her
that I'm like,
Onyx, just own it. But I am constantly,
telling Onyx that if she would allow me
to pick her up and hold her or
just put both my hands on her at
once, if she fucking love it. Life changing
for her in in such a good way.
Yeah. No. Yeah. That's a girl who needs
a cat therapist. She her her anxiety
through the roof. Oh, yeah. Through the roof.
Oh, yeah. Trust issues. We've now had her
for 4 years. October For 4 years? We
got her in October 2020.
She's calmed down Mhmm.
Slightly.
She is demanding for pets, but not not
with 2 hands. You do not put 2
hands on her. She's done. Now because that
means you might pick her up and take
her to a family. In in that time,
she will come and sit on my lap
Yours.
Mine only. Mhmm.
And it is totally on her terms.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah. Ella will let you pick her
up. She Yeah. She
will tolerate it
for only a little while unless you're one
of the boys, and then she I mean,
she'll let them hold her upside down if
they wanted to. If they don't, they're very
good with her.
But she she wants to be cradled like
a baby with her boys.
But with us, it's, like, yeah. She'll let
us hold her and then and then she's
done until you let her go and whatever.
But Onyx
so I just walk around going, I I
need Onyx to never ever ever ever ever
get sick because how the hell am I
supposed to get her to the vet? Mhmm.
I don't actually know.
Yep.
And, But yeah. You know? Yeah. We're we're
kinda keeping a a little bit of an
eye on what's going on down the Caribbean,
but not really because they're so, like, iffy
on what it's gonna do.
Yeah. I saw a little update
from yesterday, I think, and I went
Yeah. And I told JB this. I was
like, call me when there's a name and
a cone. Right. And then I will pay
attention to whatever is happening
in the Gulf or in the Caribbean or
wherever. But I will say this is probably
the warmest
November Yes. I can remember in a while
because it's like the temperature being warm in
Florida in November, not uncommon. No. There being
this much fucking humidity?
That's uncommon. I mean, we walk outside and
we're we're sweat we're is it as bad
as August? No. No. But that's like being
on the sun.
It's like May when you're thinking, shouldn't I
have gotten a little cool breeze still in
May?
The humidity is kinda low. It's not as
high as it will be. Mhmm. November's not
it's not supposed to be this way.
It's not I'm not supposed to sweat
Mm-mm. At every crack and crevice,
every fold of skin, just
hairline.
Why why wash your hair? You're gonna get
out of the shower, go outside, and sweat
again. That is where we're at.
So Yeah. No. It it it has been
norm normally, by
this time of the year,
I don't need my fan
in the shop. Yeah. I still need that
fan going. Boy, it gets it gets warm
in there. Mhmm. It gets warm in there.
We were pouring resin, you and I, yesterday.
Yeah. Lord, all the days run together. And
it was just like clothing was just it
was like it was like summer. Yeah.
You know, slightly lower temperature, but Mhmm. Way
more humidity than I'm used to for November.
Yeah. Yep. So So yeah. Now supposedly, we
have a cold front heading our way. I
believe it when I feel it. I know.
I know. I hear you. Mhmm.
So
Dang.
Yeah. Tornado.
Yeah.
No. Thank you. No. Thank you.
But yeah. You know, when we're just doing
our stuff. We're just doing our stuff. Mhmm.
We're gonna keep doing our stuff. Yeah. Because
that's that's what we do.
That's all that we do. Yeah. Because our
stuff.
And on that note, we should probably go
do stuff. Yeah. And we got more stuff
to do after this stuff. More stuff. And
then there's stuff after that. Oh, and then
my
my to do list filled with stuff.
Stuff after stuff after stuff. Yeah. Yeah.
And you need a place to put all
that stuff. What do you do with all
that stuff? I'm looking at my shipping station
that has become a placeholder for stuff Yeah.
I'm not happy about.
Anyway, this is what we thought.
And, hopefully, if anybody who can join on
the Friday night live, November 15th, 9:30 PM
EST. Mhmm.
Hopefully, we'll air quotes see you there. Yeah.
Okay. Alright. Bye. Bye.