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You're listening to the Loving BDSM podcast episode

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417.

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Lords here with the 1, the only, the

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you really know your way around a paddle.

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John Brown's done.

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Well, I'm glad you enjoyed your, birthday spanking

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this morning. That was a very self

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satisfied chuckle

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there. Mhmm.

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And what nobody can see but me is

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the smirk on your face. True. You are

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very proud of yourself.

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I am. I did good. At at least,

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I think I did. My ass you.

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Your ass is very welcome.

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Anyway, that's not what we're here to talk

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about. But yesterday, we're recording this episode on

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my birthday, so hence birthday spankings. Now, this

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week, we're talking about why dominance communication

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skills matter

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just as much as the submissives.

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Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this

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is your first time listening, glad to have

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you. If you're back for another week, welcome

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back. Loving BDSM is produced every Monday Friday

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for your kinky pleasure in education. Show notes

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are found at lovingbdsm.net.

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Come back often and feel free to add

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the podcast to your favorite podcast app. You

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could also follow the show on Fetlife at

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loving BDSMpc

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on Instagram and threads at that handle I

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will forever fucking hate. Hate, loving d s

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and the number one. So it's at loving

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d s one or on YouTube at youtube.com/loving

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BDSM, where you can watch us live stream

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the podcast every Wednesday. All links are in

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the show notes. A big thanks as always

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to our kinky patrons over on Patreon, including

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our newest peeps. We are able to keep

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being kinky weirdos on the Internet because of

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our kinky patrons.

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We are grateful for every fucking lot of

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you. If you'd like to join our kinky

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community and get access to extra content and

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a Discord server, well, they're gonna be super

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cool, super nice kingsters. You can do that.

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Join us at patreon.com/kayla

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lords. That's patreon.com/kayla

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lords, or use the link in the show

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notes.

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All of them.

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Them. Sorry podcast listeners. JB was threatening to

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hit my buttons and I was

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not gonna complain.

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So I did not put any announcements in

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this episode because when I tried to make

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the script and the outline for today, it

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was through a massive headache

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after I had realized I could not

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decipher numbers. I told everybody in Patreon that

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the q and a was at,

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3 when it's really at 2, and I

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was very

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it was a rough. So I went, you

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know what? We're just not announcing shit this

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week.

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The kinkery just finished a sale. I've barely

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looked at our Etsy shops in, like, a

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hot ass minute. Just whatever. Live your life.

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Okay? We're

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we're not selling shit this week.

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We're just gonna the one thing I will

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say, and that's a vague it's not an

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announcement, but it's a vague thing, is that

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our

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weekly livestream

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times will be

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changing as of next week,

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November Yeah. 6th. But as of the time

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of recording, we don't know

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When that will be. When that will be.

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So

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if you are a person who used to

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watch the stream

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and has not been able to because of

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the time, or you'd like to but the

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current time does not work for you, stay

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tuned. There will be a new time.

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So

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this one

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is I don't have a good outline for

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this topic

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because in a way, this topic can encompass

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everything and It might. Right? And that's too

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much. So I'll just warn you, we might

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be chaotic. I just know I want to

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talk about this.

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So I will give some, caveats, disclaimers, and

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maybe I can stop a keyboard warrior before

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they begin.

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In the things we're going to talk about

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today, whatever that ends up being, because it's

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not a a

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clear, clear outline.

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1, yes. It likely does apply to submissives

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too. You're right.

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2, yes. This is good information for non

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kinksters too. You're right.

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No. We are not mentioning

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a specific thing you thought of because we

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are not

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all knowing, all seeing. We we can we

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will only talk about some of the things,

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and we might miss a thing that's important

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to you, and and it's okay. That's what

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the comment section is for. Feel free to

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share your perspective.

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We like that.

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The other thing, the reason I I brought

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this to you and I was like, hey.

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What do you think? Mhmm. Is because

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I think that

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too often,

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we, and I mean kink educational

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informational spaces

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in general, do not focus on dominance an

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enough or as maybe as much as we

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should.

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And I know why we do it. It's

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because when a submissive does not know how

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to communicate, cannot,

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does not feel safe using a safe word,

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does not think they're supposed to have limits

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and boundaries. Their physical, mental, emotional well-being is

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at risk, and so we have to, like,

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build the confidence and the knowledge up for

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some of them so they can hopefully help

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protect themselves and, in the process, protect their

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dom. Because

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if if you are

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unintentionally the reason your dom does something

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destructive,

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a decent dom is fucked up as well.

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Like, it's not good for anybody.

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But I you know? So some of this

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is gonna be stuff we've talked about before,

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but I just wanna, like, say it's about

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the Dom's.

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So,

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the I have a question for you because

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you are our resident Dom. So I'm sorry.

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You have to speak on behalf of all

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of them.

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That's a scary thought.

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When you first

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figured out you were kinky, got into the

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lifestyle, started dabbling in power exchange,

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and that was well before me,

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What was your what if any communication challenges

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did you have in terms of

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Such as? Well, you know,

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I was not

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raised in a a place that,

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taught good

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communication skills. Sure.

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Therefore,

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early on a lot of my relationships were

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not

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ones where I practice good

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communication. Mhmm.

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Alright.

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So it was it was a challenge

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just in and of itself. Mhmm. Okay.

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You know,

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acknowledge my feelings,

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What the hell is that? And you still

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struggle with that. I I do, I I

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do. There there are times I still struggle

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with it. You know, it I I think

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the hardest part for me in all that

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was was realizing that I had a safe

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place

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to say

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what I wanted to. Mhmm. Okay?

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And I wasn't shamed for it, I wasn't,

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you know, put down for it or or

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judged for it or anything like that. Mhmm.

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You know, but that that was a hard

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thing

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Mhmm. To to to process

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and

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put into

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action.

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I think I know the answer, but I'm

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gonna ask it anyway. Uh-oh.

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As those skills improved for you Mhmm. Did

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your kink life and power exchange relationships also

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improve? Yes.

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Yes. I wanted it on the record.

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That, you know, it I think that's something

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that goes hand in hand. Mhmm. Okay? When

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you can better communicate your feelings, your needs,

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whether you're

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a big d or a little s Sure.

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You know, regardless, I I think that's going

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to make things better, because when you can

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clearly state,

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you know, what you want, what what your

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boundaries are, what, you know,

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different thing you know, whatever whatever it is

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that you have to say. When you can

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say it

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clearly,

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you know,

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hell of a difference. And be heard. And

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be heard. That that's true too. You know,

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you can talk all you want, but if

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you fall on deaf ears, it's not gonna

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Right. It doesn't really matter. Matter hill beans.

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So I'm curious because here's my belief and

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not universal.

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I would never think this applies to everybody.

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But from the outside looking in, watching many

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doms over the years, and also my own

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experience with you,

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would you say that you,

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can relate to what I'm about to say,

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which is the idea that once you're confident

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in yourself as a dominant so that's a

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big thing Mhmm. Regardless. And some of that

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is about communication and some of that is

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just about experience and figuring your own self

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out. But once you have that confidence as

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a dom,

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do you

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or have you found it easier

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to talk about wants, needs, boundaries? The

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the bits and pieces of the power exchange

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and the fuckery,

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than to communicate,

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like, feelings,

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emotions, vulnerabilities. Things that are not directly tied

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to the fuckery and the power exchange, but

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absolutely would affect that. Like, is it easier

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as the dom who's deciding what we're doing

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within my boundaries, of course, to talk about

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that than it is to talk about the

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other stuff?

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Speaking for myself,

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yeah. I know it's still the thing you

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struggle with all these years later. And and

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I do. I'm not I'm not gonna deny

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that. I I struggle with it,

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even though I

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when I look to look back Mhmm. You

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know, on

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on me years ago,

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I I have

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come leaps and bounds Oh, sure. Yeah. But

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I still got a fucking long way to

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go. So

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what,

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beyond the doing

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Mhmm. What, if anything, communication wise

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helped you gain confidence as a dominant? Like,

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I know the putting of things in practice

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and just the doing it is part of

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a huge part of of building confidence.

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To say, I I think what helped

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me more than anything,

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and and I know this is gonna sound

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like a silly stupid simple answer,

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but you.

275
00:10:17,384 --> 00:10:19,085
Okay? Because you

276
00:10:19,465 --> 00:10:20,285
gave me

277
00:10:20,745 --> 00:10:21,690
a safe place

278
00:10:22,250 --> 00:10:23,470
to be able to

279
00:10:24,409 --> 00:10:26,250
say the things, to be able to express

280
00:10:26,250 --> 00:10:26,909
the things.

281
00:10:27,289 --> 00:10:29,929
You know, and and that is something that

282
00:10:29,929 --> 00:10:30,429
is

283
00:10:34,404 --> 00:10:34,904
priceless.

284
00:10:35,445 --> 00:10:38,585
Mhmm. Mhmm. Okay? Because, you know,

285
00:10:39,684 --> 00:10:41,524
I I know, like I said, you know,

286
00:10:41,524 --> 00:10:42,024
I

287
00:10:43,284 --> 00:10:44,024
had to

288
00:10:45,524 --> 00:10:48,745
overcome my own misgivings as far as communication.

289
00:10:49,205 --> 00:10:49,705
Sure.

290
00:10:51,740 --> 00:10:54,379
But, you know, there were times when I

291
00:10:54,379 --> 00:10:56,559
did try to express and

292
00:10:57,659 --> 00:10:59,500
Others shut you down? Shut right down in

293
00:10:59,500 --> 00:11:01,500
a heartbeat, you know, and and you did

294
00:11:01,500 --> 00:11:04,000
not do that. You you gave me

295
00:11:04,860 --> 00:11:05,360
the

296
00:11:06,274 --> 00:11:08,855
ability to voice my thoughts,

297
00:11:09,954 --> 00:11:10,454
you

298
00:11:10,834 --> 00:11:12,214
never judged me

299
00:11:12,595 --> 00:11:15,414
for anything I have ever said to you

300
00:11:15,714 --> 00:11:18,194
in any way shape or form, and and

301
00:11:18,194 --> 00:11:19,495
you have always acknowledged

302
00:11:20,970 --> 00:11:24,329
whatever I have said. Mhmm. Okay? And and

303
00:11:24,329 --> 00:11:24,829
that

304
00:11:25,690 --> 00:11:26,669
has made it

305
00:11:28,009 --> 00:11:30,730
that much easier. Also, you allow me to

306
00:11:30,730 --> 00:11:32,649
pull it out of you kicking and screaming

307
00:11:32,649 --> 00:11:34,970
sometimes. No. That's true. There Tough clause gets

308
00:11:34,970 --> 00:11:35,264
activated.

309
00:11:37,184 --> 00:11:39,345
Because you know what's funny? In in and

310
00:11:39,345 --> 00:11:41,024
this is not something that we started this

311
00:11:41,024 --> 00:11:43,585
way. This was, we got to this place

312
00:11:43,585 --> 00:11:45,125
at some point over the years.

313
00:11:45,745 --> 00:11:48,085
You allow me the ability

314
00:11:48,465 --> 00:11:49,845
to call you on your bullshit.

315
00:11:50,519 --> 00:11:53,080
Yeah. Like, yeah. I I get it. He's

316
00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:55,240
in charge. He's the dumb. We're 247. He's

317
00:11:55,240 --> 00:11:57,800
he's always the dumb. Yes. He's also always

318
00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:00,279
human. And he I I am I'm gonna

319
00:12:00,279 --> 00:12:02,855
shy away from sometimes hard things. Sometimes I,

320
00:12:02,855 --> 00:12:03,434
you know,

321
00:12:03,815 --> 00:12:05,914
yeah, I'm, I'm, I'm gonna shy from things,

322
00:12:06,534 --> 00:12:08,634
you know, I have my own,

323
00:12:09,735 --> 00:12:12,634
hang ups. Sure. You know, from, from things,

324
00:12:12,934 --> 00:12:15,995
so, you know, yeah, there, there are times,

325
00:12:17,790 --> 00:12:20,029
I I think, in a way, I could

326
00:12:20,029 --> 00:12:23,170
probably say it comes back to bad tapes.

327
00:12:23,389 --> 00:12:25,389
Sure. Yeah. Real quick for anybody who doesn't

328
00:12:25,389 --> 00:12:26,590
know what a bad tape is. It's a

329
00:12:26,590 --> 00:12:28,190
little bit like a trigger, but less, like,

330
00:12:28,190 --> 00:12:28,690
psychologically

331
00:12:29,149 --> 00:12:29,649
applicable.

332
00:12:30,029 --> 00:12:30,311
Yeah. It's more of a a thing that

333
00:12:30,311 --> 00:12:30,374
happened in a previous relationship that is you

334
00:12:30,374 --> 00:12:30,429
think is happening to you right now, and

335
00:12:30,429 --> 00:12:30,929
you

336
00:12:31,389 --> 00:12:31,889
respond

337
00:12:32,855 --> 00:12:34,295
happening to you right now, and you respond

338
00:12:34,295 --> 00:12:35,851
as if that person Mhmm. Your current partner

339
00:12:35,851 --> 00:12:37,008
is the former partner, and so your response

340
00:12:37,008 --> 00:12:38,165
is out of proportion to what's actually happening.

341
00:12:38,165 --> 00:12:40,394
Yep. So, you know, I I think that

342
00:12:48,160 --> 00:12:50,399
contributes to some of it as well. Oh,

343
00:12:50,399 --> 00:12:52,000
yeah. I mean, I have at least learned

344
00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:54,399
over the years how to navigate some of

345
00:12:54,399 --> 00:12:56,879
your known, both bad tapes and triggers. Like,

346
00:12:56,879 --> 00:12:59,279
if I know something can trigger you, and

347
00:12:59,279 --> 00:13:00,800
I'm like, shit, we still have to have

348
00:13:00,800 --> 00:13:01,620
this conversation,

349
00:13:02,345 --> 00:13:04,985
I do a lot of caveating in the

350
00:13:04,985 --> 00:13:07,004
beginning of Mhmm. I know

351
00:13:07,545 --> 00:13:10,605
this might sound like that, or I know

352
00:13:10,665 --> 00:13:13,304
this is hard for you to think about.

353
00:13:13,304 --> 00:13:15,144
Yeah. I do spend a lot of time,

354
00:13:15,144 --> 00:13:17,304
and I I do think you need it

355
00:13:17,304 --> 00:13:19,899
because I'm pretty sure this is

356
00:13:20,440 --> 00:13:22,220
not something you heard a lot,

357
00:13:23,080 --> 00:13:25,320
before our relationship. I know I never heard

358
00:13:25,320 --> 00:13:26,759
anything like it, but I do spend a

359
00:13:26,759 --> 00:13:28,379
lot of time going, your

360
00:13:29,080 --> 00:13:32,285
insert emotion is valid. Mhmm. Like, I get

361
00:13:32,285 --> 00:13:34,384
that you're angry. I get that you're

362
00:13:34,845 --> 00:13:37,325
sad. I get that you're this. And and

363
00:13:37,325 --> 00:13:39,264
then I do a comma, like,

364
00:13:40,044 --> 00:13:40,524
however

365
00:13:40,845 --> 00:13:43,325
Yeah. Or but what are you thinking or

366
00:13:43,325 --> 00:13:47,019
whatever. Like, I I sort of try to

367
00:13:47,019 --> 00:13:47,519
acknowledge

368
00:13:48,539 --> 00:13:50,620
the stuff that I I just know from

369
00:13:50,620 --> 00:13:52,539
all the conversations we've had and the things

370
00:13:52,539 --> 00:13:55,179
I've witnessed in your life that you, you

371
00:13:55,179 --> 00:13:57,259
know, you've been told most of your life

372
00:13:57,259 --> 00:13:58,940
about how you're not supposed to feel a

373
00:13:58,940 --> 00:14:01,100
thing. And how much of this is, you

374
00:14:01,100 --> 00:14:01,634
know, about

375
00:14:02,595 --> 00:14:03,575
how Western society

376
00:14:04,355 --> 00:14:04,855
socializes,

377
00:14:05,315 --> 00:14:07,715
you know, boys and girls of how we're,

378
00:14:07,715 --> 00:14:10,035
oops, sorry, of how we're supposed to respond

379
00:14:10,035 --> 00:14:11,554
and how we're supposed to behave and how

380
00:14:11,554 --> 00:14:14,115
we're supposed to feel. Right? So there's been

381
00:14:14,115 --> 00:14:17,199
some undoing of that over the years. And

382
00:14:17,199 --> 00:14:19,519
I can't, I can't, I'm not magic. I

383
00:14:19,519 --> 00:14:21,360
can't undo what's gonna happen to you. But

384
00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:23,360
what I do is go, okay, yeah, I

385
00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:24,419
know you're primed

386
00:14:24,799 --> 00:14:26,639
to think that nobody cares about how you

387
00:14:26,639 --> 00:14:28,740
feel. I'm just gonna preemptively go,

388
00:14:29,279 --> 00:14:30,500
your feelings are valid.

389
00:14:30,845 --> 00:14:33,805
Yes. I absolutely can see why. And I'm

390
00:14:33,805 --> 00:14:36,125
reading your emotion, and you you've gotten really

391
00:14:36,125 --> 00:14:38,305
good, because you didn't use to do this,

392
00:14:38,445 --> 00:14:39,904
of if I read the emotion,

393
00:14:40,524 --> 00:14:43,100
not necessarily incorrectly, but, like, it's not the

394
00:14:43,100 --> 00:14:44,079
complete story,

395
00:14:44,699 --> 00:14:46,079
you've gotten better

396
00:14:46,379 --> 00:14:48,059
at going, actually, that's not what I'm feeling,

397
00:14:48,059 --> 00:14:49,919
or that's not all of what I'm feeling.

398
00:14:49,980 --> 00:14:52,220
And you've gotten better at naming your own

399
00:14:52,220 --> 00:14:53,519
emotions. Mhmm.

400
00:14:54,539 --> 00:14:55,039
Yeah.

401
00:14:56,059 --> 00:14:56,379
And,

402
00:14:58,754 --> 00:15:00,754
that's taken practice and a lot of work.

403
00:15:00,754 --> 00:15:02,595
And like I say, I still have I

404
00:15:02,595 --> 00:15:03,894
I know I still have

405
00:15:04,514 --> 00:15:05,715
a a bit of a journey on that

406
00:15:05,715 --> 00:15:07,554
one. Because we all do. Yeah. Not one

407
00:15:07,554 --> 00:15:08,995
of us came out of the womb going,

408
00:15:08,995 --> 00:15:10,674
I know how to communicate all of my

409
00:15:10,674 --> 00:15:12,990
thoughts and feelings to anybody I might come

410
00:15:13,470 --> 00:15:14,450
across. Like, I mean,

411
00:15:15,230 --> 00:15:17,629
technically as infants, we did. We just screamed

412
00:15:17,629 --> 00:15:19,789
our full head off until somebody fulfilled our

413
00:15:19,789 --> 00:15:20,610
needs. Right.

414
00:15:21,950 --> 00:15:22,450
Yeah.

415
00:15:23,149 --> 00:15:23,649
Yeah.

416
00:15:24,110 --> 00:15:24,610
So

417
00:15:27,695 --> 00:15:28,735
I don't know how to ask this question.

418
00:15:28,735 --> 00:15:30,014
I don't even know if it's a question

419
00:15:30,014 --> 00:15:31,154
because I've got observations.

420
00:15:31,615 --> 00:15:32,274
Oh, goodness.

421
00:15:33,774 --> 00:15:34,514
Oh, goodness.

422
00:15:38,415 --> 00:15:40,309
What is a thing other than your feelings,

423
00:15:40,309 --> 00:15:41,450
like, I think we've

424
00:15:41,990 --> 00:15:44,250
that's clear that you're still working on that.

425
00:15:44,709 --> 00:15:45,209
What,

426
00:15:45,750 --> 00:15:47,769
if anything, do you struggle

427
00:15:48,789 --> 00:15:51,269
with or have struggled with and overcome to

428
00:15:51,269 --> 00:15:53,909
communicate specific to being a dominant? Like

429
00:15:58,835 --> 00:16:00,274
interesting question. I haven't,

430
00:16:00,995 --> 00:16:02,915
really thought about that. Well, because here's some

431
00:16:02,915 --> 00:16:04,915
things I think about that we know are

432
00:16:04,915 --> 00:16:05,815
potential issues.

433
00:16:06,754 --> 00:16:09,174
You don't punish and or dole out consequences

434
00:16:09,320 --> 00:16:11,799
and anger. No. But, man, we can piss

435
00:16:11,799 --> 00:16:13,879
one another off real good. Oh, yeah. We

436
00:16:13,879 --> 00:16:14,620
can. Oh, yeah.

437
00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:19,959
You do deal with depression. Yes. And we've

438
00:16:19,959 --> 00:16:22,919
had very long in-depth conversations even recently about

439
00:16:22,919 --> 00:16:24,139
some of that. Yeah.

440
00:16:25,605 --> 00:16:26,105
And,

441
00:16:26,725 --> 00:16:27,945
you know, your ability

442
00:16:28,644 --> 00:16:29,625
you are always

443
00:16:30,004 --> 00:16:31,445
my daddy dom, and to me, you are

444
00:16:31,445 --> 00:16:32,664
always a dom.

445
00:16:33,044 --> 00:16:34,264
But when

446
00:16:35,284 --> 00:16:36,664
it's hard to

447
00:16:37,540 --> 00:16:39,779
communicate your thoughts, your feelings, what you want

448
00:16:39,860 --> 00:16:41,299
it's hard to even think about what you

449
00:16:41,299 --> 00:16:41,799
want.

450
00:16:42,340 --> 00:16:45,059
That that absolutely has to impact the power

451
00:16:45,059 --> 00:16:47,059
change. It does not impact our relationship in

452
00:16:47,059 --> 00:16:50,019
that somehow the relationship is falling apart, but

453
00:16:50,019 --> 00:16:51,160
it it does,

454
00:16:51,644 --> 00:16:53,805
you know Here here's what I what I

455
00:16:53,805 --> 00:16:55,585
will say with that,

456
00:16:57,644 --> 00:16:58,305
you know,

457
00:17:00,285 --> 00:17:01,425
yeah, my depression.

458
00:17:05,164 --> 00:17:06,065
Yeah, it's

459
00:17:07,799 --> 00:17:08,779
it's a bugger,

460
00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:10,700
and

461
00:17:12,599 --> 00:17:14,700
that is something that I am struggling

462
00:17:15,480 --> 00:17:16,619
with communicating,

463
00:17:16,920 --> 00:17:19,179
especially when it comes to our

464
00:17:19,484 --> 00:17:20,144
power exchange. Mhmm.

465
00:17:20,765 --> 00:17:21,424
You know,

466
00:17:21,805 --> 00:17:23,265
for for me to say,

467
00:17:25,325 --> 00:17:25,884
you know,

468
00:17:26,765 --> 00:17:28,625
yeah, things are hitting me a little bit

469
00:17:28,765 --> 00:17:30,684
today, and I'm I'm I'm not there. I

470
00:17:30,684 --> 00:17:31,424
don't know,

471
00:17:32,160 --> 00:17:33,539
you know, what I can

472
00:17:34,240 --> 00:17:35,700
what I can do. Mhmm.

473
00:17:36,559 --> 00:17:38,240
And and that is that is a tough

474
00:17:38,240 --> 00:17:39,380
thing for me to

475
00:17:41,759 --> 00:17:42,259
vocalize.

476
00:17:42,799 --> 00:17:45,045
Are there worries that you have around the

477
00:17:45,045 --> 00:17:46,965
idea of vocalizing it? Do you worry that

478
00:17:46,965 --> 00:17:48,484
I will have a reaction, or do you

479
00:17:48,484 --> 00:17:49,989
worry about what it says about you? Or

480
00:17:50,117 --> 00:17:50,725
It's mostly

481
00:17:51,285 --> 00:17:53,525
Well, usually is. It usually is. You know,

482
00:17:53,525 --> 00:17:54,424
thinking that,

483
00:17:55,525 --> 00:17:57,924
at that point when I when I have

484
00:17:57,924 --> 00:17:59,465
have hit one of those those

485
00:18:00,299 --> 00:18:00,799
valleys,

486
00:18:03,259 --> 00:18:05,339
I'm like, you know, I I I can't

487
00:18:05,339 --> 00:18:06,639
feel this way, I'm

488
00:18:07,339 --> 00:18:08,859
the big d, I'm the one in I'm

489
00:18:08,859 --> 00:18:11,019
the one in charge, I shouldn't be like

490
00:18:11,019 --> 00:18:13,019
this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know? And

491
00:18:13,019 --> 00:18:14,159
and that's where

492
00:18:15,065 --> 00:18:17,325
that's where that block comes from. Mhmm.

493
00:18:18,424 --> 00:18:20,825
Have you had the experience of, maybe not

494
00:18:20,825 --> 00:18:23,625
in those specific words, but talking about your

495
00:18:23,625 --> 00:18:24,845
feelings and then

496
00:18:25,224 --> 00:18:27,224
coming through the other side of that? Not

497
00:18:27,224 --> 00:18:29,805
the situation is any better Mhmm. But

498
00:18:30,119 --> 00:18:32,519
talking through it and then maybe seeing things

499
00:18:32,519 --> 00:18:33,019
differently

500
00:18:33,559 --> 00:18:34,859
or feeling differently?

501
00:18:39,640 --> 00:18:40,940
The funny thing is,

502
00:18:42,039 --> 00:18:43,900
the few times that we have,

503
00:18:44,994 --> 00:18:47,015
it has actually made me feel better

504
00:18:48,914 --> 00:18:50,434
to get it out. That's where I was

505
00:18:50,434 --> 00:18:51,494
going with it. Yes.

506
00:18:52,595 --> 00:18:53,095
And,

507
00:18:54,595 --> 00:18:56,755
even though most times it does not resolve

508
00:18:56,755 --> 00:18:59,015
anything Usually, it does, I know. You know,

509
00:18:59,234 --> 00:19:01,279
yes, just getting it out helps.

510
00:19:03,179 --> 00:19:04,000
And yet,

511
00:19:05,179 --> 00:19:06,720
there is still that disconnect

512
00:19:07,500 --> 00:19:09,519
that, no, I can't I can't do this.

513
00:19:10,059 --> 00:19:10,619
It's not

514
00:19:11,339 --> 00:19:12,319
my observation

515
00:19:12,619 --> 00:19:15,099
is, you don't learn from that each time.

516
00:19:15,099 --> 00:19:17,765
Like, in my case, as I was learning

517
00:19:17,765 --> 00:19:18,825
I could trust you

518
00:19:19,285 --> 00:19:22,105
as partners, as you're submissive, all that,

519
00:19:22,644 --> 00:19:24,964
it becomes easier over time. I might I

520
00:19:24,964 --> 00:19:26,835
might not be perfect or, you know, immediate

521
00:19:26,835 --> 00:19:27,075
with sharing something or expressing something, but each

522
00:19:27,075 --> 00:19:27,785
time I'm like, I know I'm safe because

523
00:19:28,005 --> 00:19:28,505
that's

524
00:19:28,980 --> 00:19:30,099
dynamic. You are we don't use these labels,

525
00:19:30,099 --> 00:19:32,115
but you are kind of a protector of

526
00:19:32,115 --> 00:19:33,329
me and the dynamic. And so, yeah,

527
00:19:43,335 --> 00:19:45,894
I can kinda lay down my burdens as

528
00:19:45,894 --> 00:19:47,174
long as I feel safe to do so.

529
00:19:47,174 --> 00:19:49,515
That's, you know, a necessary part for anybody.

530
00:19:50,294 --> 00:19:51,734
And so for me, it gets to be

531
00:19:51,734 --> 00:19:53,755
a little bit easier each time,

532
00:19:54,134 --> 00:19:56,315
whereas you always carry

533
00:19:57,730 --> 00:19:59,409
the and I don't say burden in, like,

534
00:19:59,409 --> 00:20:02,069
the super negative way, but let's just call

535
00:20:02,210 --> 00:20:03,349
a thing what it is.

536
00:20:03,809 --> 00:20:05,649
You you always carry the burden of the

537
00:20:05,649 --> 00:20:06,149
responsibility.

538
00:20:06,609 --> 00:20:08,769
To wait. Right. And so there's a pressure

539
00:20:08,769 --> 00:20:10,450
that comes with it. Even if I'm over

540
00:20:10,450 --> 00:20:12,414
here screaming, no. No. No. It's good. Let

541
00:20:12,414 --> 00:20:14,174
me serve by taking off some of the

542
00:20:14,174 --> 00:20:16,894
pressure. Yeah. You know? Just the nature of

543
00:20:16,894 --> 00:20:18,815
the role being what it is. It is.

544
00:20:18,815 --> 00:20:19,315
Right.

545
00:20:19,775 --> 00:20:21,394
Right. So each time,

546
00:20:21,775 --> 00:20:24,335
it's like pulling teeth to get him to

547
00:20:24,335 --> 00:20:26,849
just talk. And each time I'm trying to

548
00:20:26,849 --> 00:20:27,349
do,

549
00:20:27,730 --> 00:20:30,369
like, a Pavlov's dog thing here. Each time

550
00:20:30,369 --> 00:20:32,210
I'm like, and don't you feel a little

551
00:20:32,210 --> 00:20:34,769
bit better? We didn't solve anything, but don't

552
00:20:35,009 --> 00:20:37,269
doesn't it feel good to have shared this?

553
00:20:37,490 --> 00:20:39,250
And he goes, yes. It does. And then

554
00:20:39,250 --> 00:20:41,194
poof, out of his mind the next

555
00:20:42,294 --> 00:20:42,794
time.

556
00:20:43,414 --> 00:20:45,335
So In one ear out the other, so

557
00:20:45,335 --> 00:20:47,755
to speak. Yeah. I'm curious because

558
00:20:48,214 --> 00:20:48,714
my

559
00:20:49,734 --> 00:20:50,234
knowledge

560
00:20:50,694 --> 00:20:52,615
from things you've told me tells me this

561
00:20:52,615 --> 00:20:53,974
might not be true, but I don't know

562
00:20:53,974 --> 00:20:56,029
everything because you haven't told me everything. We

563
00:20:56,029 --> 00:20:58,269
got another good 30 years ahead of us

564
00:20:58,269 --> 00:21:00,029
for you to tell me everything. Okay. Oh,

565
00:21:00,029 --> 00:21:01,789
we're propping you up by the jukebox. We've

566
00:21:01,789 --> 00:21:03,970
already decided this. Remember? Anyway,

567
00:21:05,470 --> 00:21:07,490
have there been times where

568
00:21:08,044 --> 00:21:10,444
as a dominant in kink right? Like, we're

569
00:21:10,444 --> 00:21:11,964
not talking about vanilla shit where, oh, we

570
00:21:11,964 --> 00:21:14,044
all have to recover from that. Yeah. As

571
00:21:14,044 --> 00:21:16,224
a dominant in kink, have you

572
00:21:16,845 --> 00:21:18,384
had times where

573
00:21:19,005 --> 00:21:21,484
you tried to communicate, and for all kinds

574
00:21:21,484 --> 00:21:22,464
of different reasons,

575
00:21:22,765 --> 00:21:24,899
the partner you were trying to communicate with,

576
00:21:24,899 --> 00:21:27,079
like, there was a a failure of understanding,

577
00:21:27,299 --> 00:21:29,299
or they didn't accept your communication, or it

578
00:21:29,299 --> 00:21:30,279
was a struggle,

579
00:21:31,299 --> 00:21:33,319
or they were maybe not

580
00:21:33,619 --> 00:21:35,000
the best person to

581
00:21:35,554 --> 00:21:37,234
be vulnerable with. I would I would have

582
00:21:37,234 --> 00:21:39,554
to say that happened more so in any

583
00:21:39,554 --> 00:21:41,174
vanilla relationship. Mhmm.

584
00:21:41,634 --> 00:21:42,674
Mhmm. In any

585
00:21:43,714 --> 00:21:46,355
Do you think because there's a twofold here.

586
00:21:46,355 --> 00:21:47,654
You're you are both

587
00:21:48,595 --> 00:21:50,590
a a man, right,

588
00:21:50,970 --> 00:21:53,450
and also a dominant. Do you ever get

589
00:21:53,450 --> 00:21:54,350
the feeling

590
00:21:54,809 --> 00:21:57,769
that from the from the submissives you encounter,

591
00:21:57,769 --> 00:21:59,150
and everybody is different,

592
00:22:00,650 --> 00:22:01,390
that maybe

593
00:22:01,690 --> 00:22:03,930
your words are given more weight and you're

594
00:22:03,930 --> 00:22:05,825
given the things you're trying to communicate are

595
00:22:05,825 --> 00:22:07,445
given a little bit more respect

596
00:22:07,825 --> 00:22:09,445
just for that? Just for that?

597
00:22:12,945 --> 00:22:15,505
To a certain extent, yes. I I think

598
00:22:15,505 --> 00:22:16,884
that that does

599
00:22:17,265 --> 00:22:18,484
occur. Mhmm.

600
00:22:20,519 --> 00:22:22,759
I don't necessarily like it. Right, right, right.

601
00:22:22,759 --> 00:22:24,279
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you're not a shitty

602
00:22:24,279 --> 00:22:25,019
human being.

603
00:22:28,920 --> 00:22:31,080
But, well, I I mean, to to a

604
00:22:31,080 --> 00:22:33,275
certain degree, I I look at it, you

605
00:22:33,275 --> 00:22:34,954
know, I I don't like it because I

606
00:22:34,954 --> 00:22:37,355
feel like I I in many times, I

607
00:22:37,355 --> 00:22:38,174
haven't done

608
00:22:38,954 --> 00:22:41,515
anything to earn it or deserve it. Right.

609
00:22:41,515 --> 00:22:43,134
Because you're not a shitty human being.

610
00:22:45,079 --> 00:22:47,640
You're not perfect, but you're not shitty. No.

611
00:22:47,640 --> 00:22:49,559
I'm I I am I am far from

612
00:22:49,559 --> 00:22:51,500
perfect because, you know, I I

613
00:22:52,119 --> 00:22:55,160
talking about the, you know, makes me think

614
00:22:55,160 --> 00:22:55,660
back.

615
00:22:57,240 --> 00:22:58,539
And and I I

616
00:22:59,000 --> 00:23:00,140
came across something

617
00:23:00,625 --> 00:23:03,664
several weeks ago from many, many, many years

618
00:23:03,664 --> 00:23:04,164
ago

619
00:23:05,184 --> 00:23:05,684
online.

620
00:23:06,065 --> 00:23:07,984
I was shocked to even see that site

621
00:23:07,984 --> 00:23:08,964
was still in existence.

622
00:23:09,984 --> 00:23:10,224
But,

623
00:23:14,329 --> 00:23:15,750
you know, early

624
00:23:16,490 --> 00:23:17,630
very early on

625
00:23:18,410 --> 00:23:18,910
in,

626
00:23:19,769 --> 00:23:21,630
some of my DS relationships,

627
00:23:25,369 --> 00:23:27,345
I was the one that that fucked up

628
00:23:27,345 --> 00:23:29,045
because I wasn't communicating.

629
00:23:29,424 --> 00:23:30,484
Right. You know?

630
00:23:32,464 --> 00:23:32,964
And

631
00:23:33,984 --> 00:23:36,224
Was it a they if you think back,

632
00:23:36,224 --> 00:23:38,085
because you might not have even thought it

633
00:23:38,224 --> 00:23:39,744
clearly at the time, but when you think

634
00:23:39,825 --> 00:23:42,230
look back, was it a somebody should just

635
00:23:42,230 --> 00:23:44,950
know, or you believed you were being clear

636
00:23:44,950 --> 00:23:47,029
and you weren't, or it was stuff you

637
00:23:47,029 --> 00:23:48,730
didn't think you had to say,

638
00:23:49,109 --> 00:23:50,309
or what do you think was? It was

639
00:23:50,309 --> 00:23:52,629
a combination of of stuff that I didn't

640
00:23:52,629 --> 00:23:53,849
think I had to say.

641
00:23:54,414 --> 00:23:56,335
And at the time, I thought I was

642
00:23:56,335 --> 00:23:57,394
being clear, but

643
00:23:57,695 --> 00:23:59,055
now that I look back on it, I

644
00:23:59,055 --> 00:24:01,454
was like, oh, that was very muddy. Yeah.

645
00:24:01,454 --> 00:24:03,134
That was some muddy shit. And was the

646
00:24:03,134 --> 00:24:04,974
person you were interacting with not the type

647
00:24:04,974 --> 00:24:06,674
to go, hey. Hey. Hey. I need clarification?

648
00:24:09,319 --> 00:24:09,819
No.

649
00:24:10,359 --> 00:24:13,640
You know, so yeah. Especially early on, it

650
00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:15,179
it yeah. I know.

651
00:24:15,640 --> 00:24:17,720
What kind of issues did it did it

652
00:24:17,720 --> 00:24:20,299
cause to that lack of communication cause?

653
00:24:22,039 --> 00:24:22,539
Arguments

654
00:24:24,005 --> 00:24:26,164
need not being met on either side. And

655
00:24:26,164 --> 00:24:28,325
so then being disappointed in each other Right.

656
00:24:28,404 --> 00:24:30,445
And the feelings that come along with Exactly.

657
00:24:30,644 --> 00:24:32,005
When you're like, but I thought I told

658
00:24:32,005 --> 00:24:33,644
you and you're not doing the thing and

659
00:24:33,765 --> 00:24:35,384
yeah. And yeah. No. And,

660
00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:38,160
you know, yeah. It it was a lot

661
00:24:38,160 --> 00:24:38,900
of it was,

662
00:24:40,320 --> 00:24:42,500
was on me because I was not communicating

663
00:24:42,640 --> 00:24:44,240
clearly. Mhmm. You know?

664
00:24:44,880 --> 00:24:46,740
I wasn't communicating my expectations

665
00:24:47,039 --> 00:24:49,035
clearly. I wasn't communicating my

666
00:24:49,515 --> 00:24:52,315
my wants, needs Mhmm. You know, and feelings

667
00:24:52,315 --> 00:24:53,115
clearly. And

668
00:24:53,835 --> 00:24:54,875
And, you know, and I think that's a

669
00:24:54,875 --> 00:24:57,355
trap that some dominance fall into, and I

670
00:24:57,355 --> 00:24:58,494
get why it happens

671
00:24:58,795 --> 00:24:59,375
if it

672
00:24:59,674 --> 00:25:02,394
relates to anybody. Mhmm. To not need to

673
00:25:02,394 --> 00:25:04,589
communicate your own wants and needs that clearly

674
00:25:04,589 --> 00:25:05,809
is because you're deciding

675
00:25:06,349 --> 00:25:08,609
within boundaries, within limits. But,

676
00:25:09,230 --> 00:25:10,750
and I don't agree with this, but I

677
00:25:10,750 --> 00:25:11,789
can see how it'd be like, well, I

678
00:25:11,789 --> 00:25:13,309
don't have to tell you what I want.

679
00:25:13,309 --> 00:25:14,750
I just have to take what you want

680
00:25:14,750 --> 00:25:16,429
and make it work with what I already

681
00:25:16,429 --> 00:25:18,109
want as Dom. I'm speaking as a Dom

682
00:25:18,109 --> 00:25:19,904
here. Mhmm. And just do the thing, which

683
00:25:20,705 --> 00:25:21,365
I mean,

684
00:25:22,065 --> 00:25:23,765
I guess you could do that

685
00:25:24,785 --> 00:25:26,625
or you could do things better. I mean

686
00:25:27,265 --> 00:25:28,164
Yeah. Yeah.

687
00:25:29,664 --> 00:25:31,984
Because, you know, I I I try to

688
00:25:31,984 --> 00:25:34,289
think back to the early parts of our

689
00:25:34,289 --> 00:25:36,869
power exchange, both long distance and in person.

690
00:25:38,210 --> 00:25:38,710
And

691
00:25:39,250 --> 00:25:41,009
this my memory is fuzzy because I have

692
00:25:41,009 --> 00:25:41,829
a shit memory.

693
00:25:42,210 --> 00:25:44,230
But what I remember more

694
00:25:45,009 --> 00:25:47,009
in those early days of our long distance

695
00:25:47,009 --> 00:25:49,204
relationship is more of the focus being

696
00:25:49,984 --> 00:25:52,304
on what I wanted, what I needed, what

697
00:25:52,304 --> 00:25:53,904
I was into as you were trying to

698
00:25:53,904 --> 00:25:54,724
figure it out.

699
00:25:55,345 --> 00:25:57,525
But I don't remember a lot of in-depth

700
00:25:57,664 --> 00:25:59,751
conversations about what you wanted, what you need,

701
00:25:59,751 --> 00:25:59,818
what you expected Mhmm. What kind of dominant

702
00:25:59,818 --> 00:26:00,724
you were. Yes.

703
00:26:02,170 --> 00:26:04,430
What kind of dominant you were.

704
00:26:04,890 --> 00:26:06,730
Yes. You made that very clear that was

705
00:26:06,730 --> 00:26:07,130
never

706
00:26:08,009 --> 00:26:09,309
but, you know,

707
00:26:10,090 --> 00:26:12,110
I don't and I don't know that conversations

708
00:26:12,570 --> 00:26:14,244
had to go this way, but I don't

709
00:26:14,244 --> 00:26:14,744
remember

710
00:26:15,125 --> 00:26:17,525
sitting down and you going, okay, I like

711
00:26:17,525 --> 00:26:20,085
spanking, and I like impact, and this is

712
00:26:20,085 --> 00:26:22,724
what I like. And I Part of it,

713
00:26:22,724 --> 00:26:23,384
I think,

714
00:26:24,164 --> 00:26:26,744
and this is I'm looking back now, so

715
00:26:27,539 --> 00:26:29,619
rose colored glasses and all. I think part

716
00:26:29,619 --> 00:26:30,360
of it was

717
00:26:31,059 --> 00:26:34,019
you were experienced and I was inexperienced and

718
00:26:34,019 --> 00:26:34,259
your

719
00:26:34,980 --> 00:26:37,539
excuse me. Oh my gosh. Your focus is

720
00:26:37,539 --> 00:26:39,320
on making sure that I understood

721
00:26:40,340 --> 00:26:43,294
what I was even agreeing to. Right. And

722
00:26:43,515 --> 00:26:45,694
over time, I mean, what you're into

723
00:26:46,315 --> 00:26:48,954
became very clear, and where we we mesh

724
00:26:48,954 --> 00:26:50,414
and match up really well is

725
00:26:50,714 --> 00:26:52,474
easy to deal with. But even now, every

726
00:26:52,474 --> 00:26:54,474
once in a while, you will express an

727
00:26:54,474 --> 00:26:56,039
interest, and I'm like, oh,

728
00:26:57,000 --> 00:26:58,059
you like that?

729
00:27:00,119 --> 00:27:00,619
Surprised.

730
00:27:02,519 --> 00:27:03,420
And I,

731
00:27:04,119 --> 00:27:05,100
you know, every

732
00:27:06,119 --> 00:27:08,680
potential dynamic has to navigate this in their

733
00:27:08,680 --> 00:27:10,539
own way, but I do wonder

734
00:27:11,345 --> 00:27:13,125
if I would have benefited

735
00:27:13,424 --> 00:27:13,924
from

736
00:27:14,545 --> 00:27:15,525
direct conversations

737
00:27:16,065 --> 00:27:17,684
about what you wanted.

738
00:27:18,144 --> 00:27:19,505
And, you know, I think you were I

739
00:27:19,505 --> 00:27:20,865
think you were going about it in a

740
00:27:20,865 --> 00:27:22,144
a good way because what you were trying

741
00:27:22,144 --> 00:27:23,424
to do was not pressure me. You were

742
00:27:23,424 --> 00:27:25,980
not trying you were purposely trying to have

743
00:27:25,980 --> 00:27:27,599
conversations where I didn't feel pressured

744
00:27:27,980 --> 00:27:29,740
to give into what you like or to

745
00:27:29,740 --> 00:27:31,579
agree with you because you were the dom.

746
00:27:31,579 --> 00:27:32,799
And I think that's a,

747
00:27:33,420 --> 00:27:33,920
responsible

748
00:27:34,299 --> 00:27:36,720
way to do that. Yeah. But

749
00:27:37,179 --> 00:27:38,960
I genuinely cannot

750
00:27:39,654 --> 00:27:41,654
think of a time when you just were

751
00:27:41,654 --> 00:27:43,815
like, these are the things I like to

752
00:27:43,815 --> 00:27:44,315
do.

753
00:27:47,255 --> 00:27:50,134
And, you know, that that might that might

754
00:27:50,134 --> 00:27:52,555
have been an interesting conversation. And it might

755
00:27:52,855 --> 00:27:53,970
be something that is

756
00:27:54,529 --> 00:27:57,329
more beneficial when you've got maybe 2 experienced

757
00:27:57,329 --> 00:27:59,829
kinksters or a really experienced submissive

758
00:28:00,289 --> 00:28:03,009
and a less experienced dominant because that experience

759
00:28:03,009 --> 00:28:05,329
submissive hopefully is like, okay. I'm good with

760
00:28:05,329 --> 00:28:07,569
my boundaries. I'm I'm not gonna be smoking

761
00:28:07,569 --> 00:28:09,505
to ping the mic. I'm not gonna be

762
00:28:09,505 --> 00:28:11,807
swayed by what a dom wants because I'm

763
00:28:12,095 --> 00:28:14,684
I I've got the experience to know myself

764
00:28:14,684 --> 00:28:17,274
well enough. And maybe it is you it's

765
00:28:17,274 --> 00:28:19,576
different when it's a very inexperienced submissive and

766
00:28:19,576 --> 00:28:21,878
the dominant partner is trying to be responsible.

767
00:28:21,878 --> 00:28:24,420
I well, you know, in in the in

768
00:28:24,420 --> 00:28:24,920
in

769
00:28:25,220 --> 00:28:27,000
in the beginning with you and I,

770
00:28:27,299 --> 00:28:30,360
you know, wasn't even really looking at

771
00:28:31,380 --> 00:28:33,539
you and I as in a relationship. Very

772
00:28:33,539 --> 00:28:36,420
important. That and I. You know? And and

773
00:28:36,420 --> 00:28:37,160
I was

774
00:28:37,619 --> 00:28:38,119
more

775
00:28:39,585 --> 00:28:42,804
in the mode of, yeah, educating you. Mhmm.

776
00:28:42,865 --> 00:28:43,365
Mhmm.

777
00:28:44,065 --> 00:28:45,825
Yeah. And trying to mentally prepare me for

778
00:28:45,825 --> 00:28:47,505
a day when I would have another dom

779
00:28:47,505 --> 00:28:49,125
who wouldn't let you be my friend.

780
00:28:51,990 --> 00:28:53,450
Yeah. I rejected that bullshit.

781
00:28:55,109 --> 00:28:55,609
Yeah.

782
00:28:56,069 --> 00:28:57,829
I was mad at a dom I didn't

783
00:28:57,829 --> 00:29:00,089
have, hadn't met, and probably didn't even exist.

784
00:29:02,549 --> 00:29:04,230
And yet I was still going, I don't

785
00:29:04,230 --> 00:29:07,065
I don't know if there's anything here. It's

786
00:29:07,325 --> 00:29:08,944
I'm not ready for a relationship.

787
00:29:09,244 --> 00:29:11,404
Wait. Does that mean should I let myself

788
00:29:11,404 --> 00:29:12,224
talk to you?

789
00:29:15,244 --> 00:29:15,744
So,

790
00:29:16,845 --> 00:29:17,664
what are

791
00:29:18,680 --> 00:29:19,180
some

792
00:29:20,039 --> 00:29:20,940
best practices,

793
00:29:21,240 --> 00:29:24,220
tips, advice you would give a dominant who

794
00:29:24,680 --> 00:29:26,839
to think about specific to communicating? Some things

795
00:29:26,839 --> 00:29:28,519
that maybe have helped you or you've learned

796
00:29:28,519 --> 00:29:29,720
the hard way? Or

797
00:29:32,855 --> 00:29:34,634
you know, even even with me,

798
00:29:35,575 --> 00:29:36,394
there are

799
00:29:37,174 --> 00:29:38,234
times when

800
00:29:40,535 --> 00:29:41,674
writing an email

801
00:29:42,134 --> 00:29:43,275
is the best practice.

802
00:29:43,734 --> 00:29:44,715
Yep. Okay.

803
00:29:45,019 --> 00:29:46,779
I I'm I'm not gonna say writing a

804
00:29:46,779 --> 00:29:49,179
handwritten letter. Nobody wants to try and read

805
00:29:49,179 --> 00:29:51,099
my handwriting. It's fine. I can read it

806
00:29:51,099 --> 00:29:52,700
just fine, man. Yeah. You've been around long

807
00:29:52,700 --> 00:29:53,839
enough. That's all.

808
00:29:56,460 --> 00:29:56,960
But,

809
00:29:58,255 --> 00:29:58,835
you know,

810
00:29:59,934 --> 00:30:01,555
if if you if you want

811
00:30:02,494 --> 00:30:04,755
a a good, solid, stable,

812
00:30:05,934 --> 00:30:07,714
d s relation or any relationship,

813
00:30:08,255 --> 00:30:10,494
you know, it it's hard to open up,

814
00:30:10,494 --> 00:30:13,599
it's hard to be vulnerable, but you kinda

815
00:30:13,599 --> 00:30:15,299
need to dip your toes in that water.

816
00:30:15,359 --> 00:30:15,859
Right.

817
00:30:16,720 --> 00:30:17,700
You know, and

818
00:30:19,359 --> 00:30:20,960
I I think it's one of those things

819
00:30:20,960 --> 00:30:23,299
that, you know, we said this before, communicating

820
00:30:23,359 --> 00:30:26,000
is like exercising a muscle. The the more

821
00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:28,740
you use it, the easier it becomes. Mhmm.

822
00:30:29,054 --> 00:30:29,554
Mhmm.

823
00:30:29,855 --> 00:30:32,254
And it is hard if both partners in

824
00:30:32,254 --> 00:30:35,394
a dynamic are struggle with it Mhmm. Or

825
00:30:35,774 --> 00:30:37,214
not even just struggle with it. If there's

826
00:30:37,214 --> 00:30:39,294
just skills you each are lacking, and, man,

827
00:30:39,294 --> 00:30:41,579
if they're not complimentary skills, this is really,

828
00:30:41,579 --> 00:30:43,679
really tough. Like Yeah.

829
00:30:44,220 --> 00:30:45,819
It can be really rough if one of

830
00:30:45,819 --> 00:30:48,220
you is like, I will tell you everything

831
00:30:48,220 --> 00:30:50,380
I'm feeling, but I'm not a good listener.

832
00:30:50,380 --> 00:30:51,980
Right? And the other one's like, I can't

833
00:30:51,980 --> 00:30:52,640
tell you

834
00:30:53,179 --> 00:30:53,894
anything I'm

835
00:30:54,934 --> 00:30:57,755
feeling. Or I for doms especially

836
00:30:58,855 --> 00:31:00,875
and we did the whole episode on vulnerability.

837
00:31:01,654 --> 00:31:03,515
Everybody has their issues with vulnerability,

838
00:31:04,775 --> 00:31:07,195
in all different manner, in all different directions.

839
00:31:07,335 --> 00:31:10,160
But doms are uniquely in a position

840
00:31:10,619 --> 00:31:13,900
where too many people buy into the I

841
00:31:13,900 --> 00:31:15,820
can't be vulnerable because then I cannot be

842
00:31:15,820 --> 00:31:18,460
perceived as strong. And I I look like

843
00:31:18,460 --> 00:31:20,202
I am weak if I am vulnerable. And

844
00:31:20,202 --> 00:31:20,451
the biggest strength is vulnerability. The hardest part

845
00:31:20,451 --> 00:31:20,700
is being vulnerable with the right person. Correct.

846
00:31:20,700 --> 00:31:21,440
And that's

847
00:31:22,234 --> 00:31:22,894
part is

848
00:31:23,275 --> 00:31:23,709
being vulnerable with the right person. Correct. And

849
00:31:23,709 --> 00:31:25,149
that's where we get fucked up. Because, you

850
00:31:25,149 --> 00:31:27,515
know yeah. See, there there's a big miss

851
00:31:27,595 --> 00:31:28,974
misconception, you know, saying that being

852
00:31:29,275 --> 00:31:30,575
vulnerable isn't isn't a strength.

853
00:31:37,710 --> 00:31:38,990
It takes a hell of a lot of

854
00:31:38,990 --> 00:31:39,490
strength,

855
00:31:40,109 --> 00:31:42,049
no matter regardless of who you are,

856
00:31:42,350 --> 00:31:45,250
to allow yourself to be vulnerable. Right. Absolutely.

857
00:31:46,350 --> 00:31:48,509
Absolutely. And and vulnerability looks like a lot

858
00:31:48,509 --> 00:31:51,545
of different things. For for JB, vulnerability

859
00:31:52,005 --> 00:31:54,644
in in at certain times has been letting

860
00:31:54,644 --> 00:31:57,684
me see him be angry about his past,

861
00:31:57,684 --> 00:31:59,525
letting me see him be sad about his

862
00:31:59,765 --> 00:32:00,265
Mhmm.

863
00:32:00,644 --> 00:32:02,990
Some shit that's gone down. You're like, you

864
00:32:02,990 --> 00:32:04,750
know, and now but now we're at a

865
00:32:04,750 --> 00:32:07,150
point where I can You you walk in

866
00:32:07,150 --> 00:32:09,390
on me before found me crying and just

867
00:32:09,390 --> 00:32:11,230
let me And I just hug you because

868
00:32:11,230 --> 00:32:12,750
that's all I can do. The thing what

869
00:32:12,750 --> 00:32:14,029
I've had to learn, and this is not

870
00:32:14,029 --> 00:32:15,789
a submissive thing, this is a person thing,

871
00:32:15,789 --> 00:32:17,230
I have to just let him feel his

872
00:32:17,230 --> 00:32:19,515
emotions. I cannot swoop in and fix it.

873
00:32:19,515 --> 00:32:21,674
Whether as a service submissive or just the

874
00:32:21,674 --> 00:32:23,275
type of person who likes to fix problems.

875
00:32:23,275 --> 00:32:25,755
Like, uh-uh. That's that's not only not my

876
00:32:25,755 --> 00:32:26,894
job. That's impossible.

877
00:32:27,914 --> 00:32:29,534
And I don't wanna ever

878
00:32:30,315 --> 00:32:30,815
unintentionally

879
00:32:31,275 --> 00:32:31,934
do something

880
00:32:32,234 --> 00:32:34,549
that you read as, oh, I shouldn't be

881
00:32:34,549 --> 00:32:36,070
crying. She's gonna do anything she can to

882
00:32:36,070 --> 00:32:37,750
get me to stop her. I shouldn't be

883
00:32:37,750 --> 00:32:40,150
expressing this emotion. She'll do anything to stop

884
00:32:40,150 --> 00:32:41,590
it. So maybe that means I'm not supposed

885
00:32:41,590 --> 00:32:43,830
to express that emotion. I've had to learn

886
00:32:43,830 --> 00:32:46,825
to just let you express it. Mhmm. Let

887
00:32:46,825 --> 00:32:48,524
you get to a point where you

888
00:32:48,904 --> 00:32:50,664
are have kinda come back to yourself. And

889
00:32:50,664 --> 00:32:52,585
then if you wanna talk about it, we

890
00:32:52,585 --> 00:32:54,125
talk about it. That is another

891
00:32:55,544 --> 00:32:57,784
potential thing that dominance, I think, need to

892
00:32:57,784 --> 00:32:59,325
be very careful about with communication.

893
00:32:59,830 --> 00:33:01,690
As the one in charge of your dynamic,

894
00:33:02,150 --> 00:33:03,750
your submissive can come to you and be

895
00:33:03,750 --> 00:33:05,590
like, do you wanna talk about this? Can

896
00:33:05,590 --> 00:33:07,190
we talk about this? I'm here for you

897
00:33:07,190 --> 00:33:08,490
if you need. And

898
00:33:09,590 --> 00:33:12,605
a dominant who thinks that strength comes from

899
00:33:12,605 --> 00:33:15,505
being stoic and not sharing and not admitting,

900
00:33:15,965 --> 00:33:16,625
you know,

901
00:33:17,325 --> 00:33:19,904
vulnerable feelings and and and all of that,

902
00:33:20,684 --> 00:33:22,845
you have the power to to shut down

903
00:33:22,845 --> 00:33:25,099
that ability to have that conversation. And look,

904
00:33:25,099 --> 00:33:27,659
if you do not trust your partner enough

905
00:33:27,659 --> 00:33:29,179
for that, that's one thing. But also, I

906
00:33:29,179 --> 00:33:30,559
would like you to do some internal,

907
00:33:32,299 --> 00:33:33,359
whatever introspections.

908
00:33:33,980 --> 00:33:36,159
Because why why can you

909
00:33:36,835 --> 00:33:38,755
beat their ass, but you don't trust them

910
00:33:38,755 --> 00:33:40,955
enough to, like Yeah. And you're in this

911
00:33:41,075 --> 00:33:42,275
hopefully, you know, you're trying to have a

912
00:33:42,275 --> 00:33:43,875
long term dynamic. Like, just just do a

913
00:33:43,875 --> 00:33:45,634
little self check there. But, like, you get

914
00:33:45,634 --> 00:33:47,315
to go, this is this is the person

915
00:33:47,315 --> 00:33:48,515
I'm playing with. This is not a person

916
00:33:48,515 --> 00:33:50,674
I'm vulnerable with in this way. That's fine.

917
00:33:50,674 --> 00:33:52,349
But you have negotiated a power

918
00:33:53,230 --> 00:33:54,990
exchange. It's you're trying to make it long

919
00:33:54,990 --> 00:33:56,509
term. You're trying to make it, like, deep

920
00:33:56,509 --> 00:33:57,089
and meaningful,

921
00:33:57,950 --> 00:33:59,630
but you as the dom as a self

922
00:33:59,630 --> 00:34:01,869
protective measure get to go, I don't wanna

923
00:34:01,869 --> 00:34:04,910
talk about this. Even though repressing shit doesn't

924
00:34:04,910 --> 00:34:06,429
make it go away, you've just pushed it

925
00:34:06,429 --> 00:34:08,085
down for it to pop out somewhere else.

926
00:34:08,164 --> 00:34:10,005
Else. Yep. And that somewhere else could fuck

927
00:34:10,005 --> 00:34:11,704
up your relationship because

928
00:34:12,164 --> 00:34:14,405
you don't nothing gets pushed down. It just

929
00:34:14,405 --> 00:34:15,605
gets pushed out. Right.

930
00:34:16,405 --> 00:34:17,605
And I think that's a trap that some

931
00:34:17,605 --> 00:34:19,445
doms will fall into. We're not gonna talk

932
00:34:19,445 --> 00:34:21,224
about this. I don't wanna talk about this.

933
00:34:21,440 --> 00:34:24,079
And you get the final say Mhmm. Because

934
00:34:24,079 --> 00:34:24,900
of the dynamic.

935
00:34:25,680 --> 00:34:27,840
Mhmm. You've done that a couple times. I

936
00:34:27,840 --> 00:34:29,119
am. And what I've learned to do is

937
00:34:29,119 --> 00:34:30,820
wait for you to calm down. Mhmm.

938
00:34:31,200 --> 00:34:32,400
Do something to see if I can get

939
00:34:32,400 --> 00:34:34,340
you to, like, laugh or smile,

940
00:34:34,715 --> 00:34:36,635
even if it's that dark, like, you're making

941
00:34:36,635 --> 00:34:38,735
me laugh against my will kind of thing.

942
00:34:38,954 --> 00:34:41,514
And then I slip in and I'm like,

943
00:34:41,514 --> 00:34:42,815
so that thing,

944
00:34:43,755 --> 00:34:45,994
that happened. Do you wanna talk about it?

945
00:34:45,994 --> 00:34:48,335
Yeah. But these days, we have developed

946
00:34:49,900 --> 00:34:51,820
an intimate enough relationship. We've been together long

947
00:34:51,820 --> 00:34:53,500
enough. We've seen each other at our best

948
00:34:53,500 --> 00:34:54,159
and our worst.

949
00:34:54,460 --> 00:34:56,619
You do kind of, you know, allow me,

950
00:34:56,619 --> 00:34:57,900
like I said at the top, I get

951
00:34:57,900 --> 00:34:59,099
to call you on your bullshit. I get

952
00:34:59,099 --> 00:35:00,380
to be like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No. No.

953
00:35:00,380 --> 00:35:02,300
No. I know you're telling me everything's fine,

954
00:35:02,300 --> 00:35:04,494
but I have eyes, and I can see

955
00:35:04,494 --> 00:35:05,795
you right now.

956
00:35:06,175 --> 00:35:09,534
And that's some bullshit. So It's fine. Let's

957
00:35:09,534 --> 00:35:10,675
try this again.

958
00:35:13,054 --> 00:35:13,875
She said

959
00:35:14,175 --> 00:35:14,675
respectfully.

960
00:35:22,289 --> 00:35:23,909
Yeah. I guess, you know,

961
00:35:24,289 --> 00:35:25,349
the same skills

962
00:35:25,730 --> 00:35:27,409
a submissive needs or any kinks tree needs,

963
00:35:27,409 --> 00:35:30,130
a dominant needs. I think a dominant just

964
00:35:30,130 --> 00:35:32,885
needs to be careful that they you don't

965
00:35:33,025 --> 00:35:35,045
hide behind your authority

966
00:35:35,825 --> 00:35:37,664
to and use that as a means to

967
00:35:37,664 --> 00:35:38,164
not

968
00:35:38,785 --> 00:35:41,344
effectively communicate when things are tough. It's real

969
00:35:41,344 --> 00:35:43,265
easy to talk when we're planning a scene

970
00:35:43,265 --> 00:35:44,969
when it's about to get kinky in here.

971
00:35:44,969 --> 00:35:46,889
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's that's easy and great

972
00:35:46,889 --> 00:35:47,389
sometimes.

973
00:35:47,769 --> 00:35:49,769
But it gets harder when it's like, oh,

974
00:35:49,769 --> 00:35:51,530
shit. This brought up some feelings for me.

975
00:35:51,530 --> 00:35:54,010
Or, oh, I'm not feeling confident in myself

976
00:35:54,010 --> 00:35:55,690
as a dom or, oh, my mental health

977
00:35:55,690 --> 00:35:57,449
has taken a fucking dive, and I can't

978
00:35:57,449 --> 00:36:00,315
be the dom that I think that you

979
00:36:00,315 --> 00:36:02,875
think I'm supposed to be. And that's another

980
00:36:02,875 --> 00:36:04,554
trap because we all get into it. It's

981
00:36:04,554 --> 00:36:06,655
a people thing. Yeah. You have

982
00:36:07,275 --> 00:36:09,594
a belief in your head of what my

983
00:36:09,594 --> 00:36:11,215
expectation is of you.

984
00:36:11,719 --> 00:36:14,279
Right? And vice versa. I'm sure. And vice

985
00:36:14,279 --> 00:36:14,779
versa.

986
00:36:15,480 --> 00:36:16,299
And so

987
00:36:16,760 --> 00:36:19,559
when some some dumb out there doesn't wanna

988
00:36:19,559 --> 00:36:21,260
have to talk or admit something,

989
00:36:21,639 --> 00:36:24,219
what you are thinking of is letting down

990
00:36:24,279 --> 00:36:25,819
a version of me

991
00:36:26,585 --> 00:36:29,144
that sees a version of you, and neither

992
00:36:29,144 --> 00:36:30,204
of those exist.

993
00:36:32,184 --> 00:36:35,244
In our relationship, because every relationship is different,

994
00:36:35,864 --> 00:36:37,944
in our relationship, I want you to be

995
00:36:37,944 --> 00:36:39,464
the best you you can be, and what

996
00:36:39,464 --> 00:36:42,349
I want is a fully engaged and connected

997
00:36:42,409 --> 00:36:44,969
JP. I kinda don't care what flavor I'm

998
00:36:44,969 --> 00:36:46,190
getting at any point.

999
00:36:46,569 --> 00:36:47,869
I want you to be

1000
00:36:48,329 --> 00:36:49,230
as healthy

1001
00:36:49,849 --> 00:36:51,789
and as happy as circumstances

1002
00:36:52,329 --> 00:36:52,844
will allow.

1003
00:36:54,204 --> 00:36:56,844
I'm not talking false positivity and bullshit stuff,

1004
00:36:56,844 --> 00:36:58,605
but just like I want you to I

1005
00:36:58,605 --> 00:37:00,364
wanna be in the thick of it with

1006
00:37:00,364 --> 00:37:02,304
you. So if you're going through it,

1007
00:37:02,684 --> 00:37:04,364
I want you to talk to me about

1008
00:37:04,364 --> 00:37:05,965
it. I can't fix it, but I

1009
00:37:06,860 --> 00:37:09,019
it's a trust thing. It's a vulnerability thing.

1010
00:37:09,019 --> 00:37:10,480
It's a connection thing,

1011
00:37:10,860 --> 00:37:13,579
and it's a oh oh, he's got that

1012
00:37:13,579 --> 00:37:16,140
tone. Oh, he heard that thing, and now

1013
00:37:16,140 --> 00:37:18,059
he's got this facial expression. And I know

1014
00:37:18,059 --> 00:37:19,755
what the fuck is going on because here's

1015
00:37:19,755 --> 00:37:21,614
what happens because it happens to everybody.

1016
00:37:22,315 --> 00:37:23,914
You don't tell me what's on your mind,

1017
00:37:23,914 --> 00:37:26,394
and I come tiptoeing through the tulips into

1018
00:37:26,394 --> 00:37:27,454
your land mines.

1019
00:37:27,835 --> 00:37:29,454
And now we're arguing,

1020
00:37:29,835 --> 00:37:32,094
and I'm like, what is happening

1021
00:37:33,920 --> 00:37:36,239
here? And that can we are long past

1022
00:37:36,239 --> 00:37:38,420
the point of those kinds of things damaging

1023
00:37:38,559 --> 00:37:39,219
a relationship.

1024
00:37:39,679 --> 00:37:42,079
Early days, it can. Yes. And from a

1025
00:37:42,079 --> 00:37:44,960
submissive perspective, if I'm trying to be my

1026
00:37:44,960 --> 00:37:47,235
best submissive self to my dom

1027
00:37:48,035 --> 00:37:48,855
and I'm

1028
00:37:49,315 --> 00:37:50,675
doing the things I agreed to do that

1029
00:37:50,675 --> 00:37:51,414
we negotiated,

1030
00:37:51,954 --> 00:37:54,434
and I'm trying to be a person that

1031
00:37:54,434 --> 00:37:56,695
my dom can be vulnerable and open with,

1032
00:37:57,155 --> 00:37:59,894
and my dom is shutting things down within

1033
00:38:00,114 --> 00:38:01,954
themself and will not talk about stuff. And

1034
00:38:01,954 --> 00:38:03,630
I just come do to do to do.

1035
00:38:03,630 --> 00:38:05,730
I'd like to like, what about this, daddy?

1036
00:38:05,789 --> 00:38:06,530
And that

1037
00:38:06,909 --> 00:38:08,829
hits you just wrong because of a thing

1038
00:38:08,829 --> 00:38:11,089
you're going through that I don't know about.

1039
00:38:11,869 --> 00:38:13,869
Now I'm left and you have the blow

1040
00:38:13,869 --> 00:38:16,835
up. Right? You react and it feels

1041
00:38:17,855 --> 00:38:20,094
out of character. It feels like it's too

1042
00:38:20,094 --> 00:38:21,695
big, too much. What the fuck's going on

1043
00:38:21,695 --> 00:38:23,235
here? Right? Like, because I don't understand.

1044
00:38:23,855 --> 00:38:26,255
Now I'm walking away going, what? Did am

1045
00:38:26,255 --> 00:38:28,059
I did I fuck up? Is something wrong

1046
00:38:28,059 --> 00:38:29,839
with me? Is something wrong with us?

1047
00:38:30,699 --> 00:38:32,299
Lack of communication all the way around on

1048
00:38:32,299 --> 00:38:34,799
both sides of the slash can just it

1049
00:38:34,940 --> 00:38:37,500
it just fucks shit up. It does. But

1050
00:38:37,500 --> 00:38:40,559
doms are just uniquely positioned that it is

1051
00:38:40,619 --> 00:38:42,695
easier for you to shut down communication

1052
00:38:43,075 --> 00:38:44,994
when you don't wanna talk about that thing

1053
00:38:44,994 --> 00:38:48,215
you're going through. Yep. Mhmm.

1054
00:38:48,914 --> 00:38:49,414
Mhmm.

1055
00:38:50,434 --> 00:38:50,934
Okay.

1056
00:38:51,315 --> 00:38:52,375
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

1057
00:38:54,035 --> 00:38:55,894
So any other thoughts that you have about

1058
00:38:57,599 --> 00:38:58,819
communication as a dominant?

1059
00:39:00,960 --> 00:39:02,819
I I would have to say, I think,

1060
00:39:02,880 --> 00:39:03,519
you know,

1061
00:39:04,079 --> 00:39:06,500
it it is it is difficult.

1062
00:39:07,359 --> 00:39:09,619
It is not as easy as it sounds

1063
00:39:10,000 --> 00:39:11,775
to say, you know, well, you know, just

1064
00:39:11,775 --> 00:39:13,375
just say what's on your mind, say what

1065
00:39:13,375 --> 00:39:15,135
you're thinking, say what you feel. Yeah.

1066
00:39:16,255 --> 00:39:18,815
Not always all that easy. Mhmm. Well, just

1067
00:39:18,815 --> 00:39:20,414
like I say about you, you know, the

1068
00:39:20,414 --> 00:39:22,414
reason I can say the shit is because

1069
00:39:22,414 --> 00:39:24,590
you have you are a safe person for

1070
00:39:24,590 --> 00:39:27,390
me to be that way with. Yeah. Dominance

1071
00:39:27,550 --> 00:39:28,989
you need that you need me to be

1072
00:39:28,989 --> 00:39:30,989
a safe person for you to be able

1073
00:39:30,989 --> 00:39:32,769
to do that. And and if

1074
00:39:33,469 --> 00:39:35,150
a dominant has a has a partner that

1075
00:39:35,150 --> 00:39:37,625
is not safe for them to be fully

1076
00:39:37,684 --> 00:39:38,184
themselves,

1077
00:39:40,244 --> 00:39:42,025
that that's a time for a check-in.

1078
00:39:42,485 --> 00:39:44,664
Mhmm. What is happening here? Right?

1079
00:39:45,844 --> 00:39:46,344
And

1080
00:39:47,445 --> 00:39:49,125
I'm gonna say something that is true of

1081
00:39:49,125 --> 00:39:52,280
all people, but because we've seen some put

1082
00:39:52,280 --> 00:39:53,980
air quotes around these doms,

1083
00:39:55,079 --> 00:39:55,579
sometimes

1084
00:39:56,199 --> 00:39:58,519
you're not finding somebody who's safe to be

1085
00:39:58,519 --> 00:40:01,239
yourself with because yourself is shitty. And and

1086
00:40:01,239 --> 00:40:02,855
the people are going, no. That's you're a

1087
00:40:02,855 --> 00:40:05,494
shitty human being. No. Don't don't tell me

1088
00:40:05,494 --> 00:40:07,674
that awful thing. What the hell?

1089
00:40:08,054 --> 00:40:10,714
So, I mean, there does for all people

1090
00:40:11,094 --> 00:40:12,474
of all roles

1091
00:40:12,855 --> 00:40:15,255
in all all walks of life, there should

1092
00:40:15,255 --> 00:40:17,414
be some introspection of, wait. But but am

1093
00:40:17,414 --> 00:40:19,909
I actually an okay human being?

1094
00:40:23,250 --> 00:40:25,570
Yeah. I think that's always that's always worth,

1095
00:40:25,570 --> 00:40:28,309
you know, exploring a little bit. Yeah.

1096
00:40:28,769 --> 00:40:31,349
Yeah. But, you know, to to think of,

1097
00:40:32,525 --> 00:40:33,965
you know, the fact that in in a

1098
00:40:33,965 --> 00:40:36,125
DS relationship, you'd say, well, you know, it

1099
00:40:36,125 --> 00:40:38,224
it's on the submissive to

1100
00:40:38,684 --> 00:40:39,184
communicate,

1101
00:40:40,125 --> 00:40:41,265
and and, you know,

1102
00:40:41,644 --> 00:40:42,625
no, it's not.

1103
00:40:43,724 --> 00:40:45,644
It it gonna have it going both ways.

1104
00:40:45,644 --> 00:40:46,144
Mhmm.

1105
00:40:46,860 --> 00:40:48,700
I agree. And, you know, both both sides

1106
00:40:48,700 --> 00:40:50,239
need to be able to communicate.

1107
00:40:50,619 --> 00:40:52,079
I I agree. And I think,

1108
00:40:52,539 --> 00:40:54,460
rightly, wrongly, maybe it's neutral. I don't know.

1109
00:40:54,460 --> 00:40:55,739
I think we put a lot of pressure

1110
00:40:55,739 --> 00:40:57,180
on doms to be the ones to pull

1111
00:40:57,180 --> 00:40:58,160
that out of submissives.

1112
00:40:59,260 --> 00:41:01,099
And in some cases, that that can be

1113
00:41:01,260 --> 00:41:03,454
that's how that's gonna happen because maybe that's

1114
00:41:03,695 --> 00:41:06,835
that dominant has more confidence, has more experience,

1115
00:41:08,175 --> 00:41:09,315
has just had

1116
00:41:10,574 --> 00:41:13,375
maybe not better relationship experiences, but different ones.

1117
00:41:13,375 --> 00:41:15,369
So the things that the dominant might deal

1118
00:41:15,369 --> 00:41:16,269
with as insecurities

1119
00:41:16,969 --> 00:41:18,349
are not reflected in

1120
00:41:18,809 --> 00:41:20,510
in negotiating the dynamic.

1121
00:41:21,610 --> 00:41:23,690
But I think it's important for submissives to

1122
00:41:23,690 --> 00:41:25,550
remember that that potential dom

1123
00:41:26,329 --> 00:41:27,789
has their own shit.

1124
00:41:28,875 --> 00:41:31,355
And you'll have your own insecurities. You'll have

1125
00:41:31,355 --> 00:41:32,875
your own struggles. There will be things that

1126
00:41:32,875 --> 00:41:34,175
will be hard for you

1127
00:41:34,554 --> 00:41:35,934
to say. Mhmm.

1128
00:41:36,315 --> 00:41:38,315
You know? And they're you're not solving that

1129
00:41:38,315 --> 00:41:40,655
in month 1, year 1,

1130
00:41:41,195 --> 00:41:43,914
decade 1. Okay? This is No. No. No.

1131
00:41:43,994 --> 00:41:46,050
A very, like, step by step, inch by

1132
00:41:46,050 --> 00:41:47,750
inch, long term project.

1133
00:41:49,010 --> 00:41:49,910
Yeah. I mean,

1134
00:41:50,610 --> 00:41:52,369
you know, even after all these years that

1135
00:41:52,369 --> 00:41:53,970
we've been, you know, the time we've been

1136
00:41:53,970 --> 00:41:54,470
together,

1137
00:41:55,170 --> 00:41:57,315
we're still both working on it. Mhmm.

1138
00:41:58,094 --> 00:41:58,594
Mhmm.

1139
00:41:59,295 --> 00:42:01,474
You know, the the sucky part though,

1140
00:42:02,414 --> 00:42:04,094
and this gets into all kinds of things

1141
00:42:04,094 --> 00:42:06,175
that are outside of the scope of this

1142
00:42:06,175 --> 00:42:08,494
topic on communication, but I think it all

1143
00:42:08,494 --> 00:42:10,470
kind of plays a role,

1144
00:42:11,489 --> 00:42:13,349
is that some of the expectations

1145
00:42:13,650 --> 00:42:16,769
that a dom has for themself or that

1146
00:42:16,769 --> 00:42:18,390
others place upon them

1147
00:42:19,890 --> 00:42:20,390
is

1148
00:42:21,934 --> 00:42:23,695
will fuck everything up. And what I mean

1149
00:42:23,695 --> 00:42:25,474
by that is you might have a like,

1150
00:42:25,614 --> 00:42:27,695
I'm not. I'm not. But if I, as

1151
00:42:27,695 --> 00:42:29,394
the submissive I am today,

1152
00:42:29,934 --> 00:42:30,994
went out there

1153
00:42:31,534 --> 00:42:33,235
into the world to negotiate

1154
00:42:34,094 --> 00:42:36,974
another dynamic with a dom. Mhmm. I can't

1155
00:42:36,974 --> 00:42:38,839
even fucking imagine right now, but whatever.

1156
00:42:40,179 --> 00:42:40,920
I know

1157
00:42:41,619 --> 00:42:43,139
and I it's okay. I'm not mad about

1158
00:42:43,139 --> 00:42:44,500
this, but I know I would be a

1159
00:42:44,500 --> 00:42:47,460
turn off to certain doms, not we're talking

1160
00:42:47,460 --> 00:42:49,219
outside of the physical whatever, outside of the

1161
00:42:49,219 --> 00:42:51,619
dynamic. Because I'll be that assertive submissive who's

1162
00:42:51,619 --> 00:42:54,235
like, okay. Here's how I I roll. Does

1163
00:42:54,235 --> 00:42:55,594
this work for you? And I'm a be

1164
00:42:55,594 --> 00:42:57,195
like, but also I expect you to talk

1165
00:42:57,195 --> 00:42:58,974
to me. Why aren't you talking to me?

1166
00:42:59,114 --> 00:43:00,414
And there are dominants

1167
00:43:00,715 --> 00:43:02,335
for all kinds of reasons

1168
00:43:03,114 --> 00:43:03,614
who

1169
00:43:04,679 --> 00:43:06,519
look at that as a challenge and as

1170
00:43:06,519 --> 00:43:07,019
disrespect

1171
00:43:08,039 --> 00:43:11,319
instead of it being a, hey. I'm your

1172
00:43:11,319 --> 00:43:14,440
equal here. Right. Once we negotiate this, honey,

1173
00:43:14,440 --> 00:43:16,119
I'll call you anything but a child of

1174
00:43:16,119 --> 00:43:18,119
god. What are you into? Let's do this

1175
00:43:18,119 --> 00:43:18,465
thing.

1176
00:43:19,025 --> 00:43:20,325
But until then,

1177
00:43:21,184 --> 00:43:22,945
we will speak like equals, and I have

1178
00:43:22,945 --> 00:43:25,825
thoughts and I have questions. Right. And there's

1179
00:43:25,825 --> 00:43:26,805
such a

1180
00:43:27,505 --> 00:43:29,184
yes. There are doms who would who would

1181
00:43:29,184 --> 00:43:30,224
take that in a heartbeat and be like,

1182
00:43:30,224 --> 00:43:31,765
hell, yeah. Let's do this. Mhmm.

1183
00:43:32,280 --> 00:43:34,679
I think you are not the rule, though.

1184
00:43:34,679 --> 00:43:36,780
I think it takes a lot of confidence

1185
00:43:37,719 --> 00:43:39,420
to feel like you are being

1186
00:43:40,840 --> 00:43:43,099
approached in a certain way because there are

1187
00:43:43,719 --> 00:43:45,905
stereotypes that we all carry stereotypes in our

1188
00:43:45,905 --> 00:43:47,425
head. We if you wanna fight against them,

1189
00:43:47,425 --> 00:43:49,184
it is something you have to work on.

1190
00:43:49,184 --> 00:43:51,505
Mhmm. And so there are doms out there

1191
00:43:51,505 --> 00:43:52,005
who

1192
00:43:52,545 --> 00:43:54,784
will actually, I think, because I've seen it

1193
00:43:54,784 --> 00:43:55,284
happen,

1194
00:43:55,585 --> 00:43:57,925
will pull back from a submissive who communicates

1195
00:43:58,065 --> 00:44:00,510
too much, who is too direct, who has

1196
00:44:00,510 --> 00:44:03,250
too many questions, who has a high expectation

1197
00:44:04,190 --> 00:44:06,030
that they will get information they are seeking.

1198
00:44:06,030 --> 00:44:07,090
And I don't mean

1199
00:44:07,469 --> 00:44:10,429
from the the fake poser doms who who

1200
00:44:10,429 --> 00:44:12,289
don't wanna actually do the work,

1201
00:44:12,590 --> 00:44:14,530
but from a dom who,

1202
00:44:15,534 --> 00:44:17,454
you know, has this expectation of what that

1203
00:44:17,454 --> 00:44:18,755
means to be a dom,

1204
00:44:19,295 --> 00:44:19,795
and

1205
00:44:21,534 --> 00:44:22,835
us assertive types

1206
00:44:23,454 --> 00:44:26,414
don't fit that. And I'm not saying, like,

1207
00:44:26,414 --> 00:44:28,660
assertive types have to be accepted by all

1208
00:44:28,660 --> 00:44:30,739
doms. I just think that if you were

1209
00:44:30,739 --> 00:44:32,980
a dom who is immediately put off by

1210
00:44:32,980 --> 00:44:34,599
a submissive who will be like,

1211
00:44:34,900 --> 00:44:37,619
hey. I have expectations of you too. Let's

1212
00:44:37,619 --> 00:44:39,554
talk. I just want you to do I

1213
00:44:39,554 --> 00:44:42,338
just want you to look within about why

1214
00:44:42,338 --> 00:44:45,121
that might be. That's all I'm saying. But

1215
00:44:45,121 --> 00:44:47,905
that's not really about communication. That's about stereotypes

1216
00:44:47,905 --> 00:44:51,036
of and cliches and and things that people

1217
00:44:51,036 --> 00:44:52,880
sometimes believe about what it means to be

1218
00:44:52,880 --> 00:44:54,000
a dom and what it means to be

1219
00:44:54,000 --> 00:44:56,719
a submissive. Mhmm. And I am happy to

1220
00:44:56,719 --> 00:44:58,960
smash down some of those beliefs like the

1221
00:44:58,960 --> 00:44:59,940
kool aid, ma'am.

1222
00:45:00,719 --> 00:45:01,539
Oh, yeah.

1223
00:45:02,480 --> 00:45:05,505
Because I I have 0 fucks to give

1224
00:45:05,505 --> 00:45:07,344
when it comes to that. Yeah. Part of

1225
00:45:07,344 --> 00:45:09,664
that is because I am fully accepted by

1226
00:45:09,664 --> 00:45:11,424
you. You know who I am as your

1227
00:45:11,424 --> 00:45:13,025
submissive. You know who I am as a

1228
00:45:13,025 --> 00:45:16,144
human being. Yep. And you're like, yep. I

1229
00:45:16,144 --> 00:45:17,605
I did sign up for this.

1230
00:45:20,859 --> 00:45:23,709
I I I Chipped and all. Like What

1231
00:45:23,709 --> 00:45:25,440
have I done? I'm in.

1232
00:45:25,900 --> 00:45:26,400
So

1233
00:45:27,420 --> 00:45:27,920
yeah.

1234
00:45:28,940 --> 00:45:30,639
Yeah. Anything else you'd

1235
00:45:31,260 --> 00:45:33,659
you wanna add? I don't think so. I

1236
00:45:33,659 --> 00:45:35,704
don't have anything. Could could I? Sure. Sure.

1237
00:45:35,704 --> 00:45:37,385
Sure. I always can. I don't have anything

1238
00:45:37,385 --> 00:45:38,985
else. I really wanted to hear what you

1239
00:45:38,985 --> 00:45:40,505
had to think more than anything. I know.

1240
00:45:40,505 --> 00:45:42,025
I only had three thoughts in my head

1241
00:45:42,025 --> 00:45:43,945
for this topic. So I was like, if

1242
00:45:43,945 --> 00:45:45,565
I can get those out, we're good.

1243
00:45:46,184 --> 00:45:48,869
It's also hot as shit today. And and

1244
00:45:48,869 --> 00:45:50,469
I I know. You bought the air. You

1245
00:45:50,469 --> 00:45:51,670
did all the things. I did all the

1246
00:45:51,670 --> 00:45:53,269
things to make it as comfortable as I

1247
00:45:53,269 --> 00:45:55,829
could. Yeah. So we will do a bonus

1248
00:45:55,829 --> 00:45:57,130
section, but we will

1249
00:45:57,589 --> 00:46:00,069
we will wrap this up. K. So,

1250
00:46:01,269 --> 00:46:02,809
are we good? I don't know.

1251
00:46:04,684 --> 00:46:07,244
Keep it kinky, y'all. We'll see you next

1252
00:46:07,244 --> 00:46:07,744
week.

1253
00:46:17,519 --> 00:46:18,019
Dottie.

1254
00:46:18,559 --> 00:46:20,559
Yes, baby girl. What the fuck is happening

1255
00:46:20,559 --> 00:46:21,140
to us?

1256
00:46:24,640 --> 00:46:26,019
I don't know what you mean.

1257
00:46:26,480 --> 00:46:27,619
We are struggling.

1258
00:46:28,320 --> 00:46:28,815
Yeah.

1259
00:46:29,694 --> 00:46:31,795
Can we talk to the crickets though?

1260
00:46:32,414 --> 00:46:34,734
Talk to the crickets. Okay. I'm sweaty right

1261
00:46:34,734 --> 00:46:35,474
now, y'all.

1262
00:46:35,775 --> 00:46:38,275
I I also okay. So I

1263
00:46:38,815 --> 00:46:40,034
I got I don't

1264
00:46:40,574 --> 00:46:42,335
I don't get bored with the podcast. That

1265
00:46:42,335 --> 00:46:43,934
has never happened, not once in all these

1266
00:46:43,934 --> 00:46:45,910
fucking years. But I got bored with our

1267
00:46:45,910 --> 00:46:47,530
7 PM livestream

1268
00:46:49,269 --> 00:46:52,090
time fairly quickly. But I also knew, practically

1269
00:46:52,150 --> 00:46:54,070
speaking, why we were not streaming at noon

1270
00:46:54,070 --> 00:46:55,829
because it was summertime in this room and

1271
00:46:55,829 --> 00:46:57,670
it was hot as shit. So it's been

1272
00:46:57,670 --> 00:47:00,045
kind of exciting to stream podcast listeners. This

1273
00:47:00,045 --> 00:47:01,565
doesn't affect you. The podcast still comes out

1274
00:47:01,565 --> 00:47:03,585
when the podcast comes out. But

1275
00:47:04,045 --> 00:47:06,764
it was kind of exciting today to stream

1276
00:47:06,764 --> 00:47:08,684
earlier because we're gonna go be good parents

1277
00:47:08,684 --> 00:47:10,385
tonight and watch a kid perform.

1278
00:47:11,164 --> 00:47:13,005
And it's like a studio recital. So it's,

1279
00:47:13,005 --> 00:47:15,389
like, small and intimate and, like, I'll actually

1280
00:47:15,389 --> 00:47:17,630
see this child and hear his instrument. It's

1281
00:47:17,630 --> 00:47:18,369
very exciting.

1282
00:47:19,710 --> 00:47:21,150
So it was kind of exciting to change

1283
00:47:21,150 --> 00:47:22,829
the time, but it has also stressed me

1284
00:47:22,829 --> 00:47:24,989
the fuck out. I have no sense of

1285
00:47:24,989 --> 00:47:27,389
time. I don't everything I thought I had

1286
00:47:27,389 --> 00:47:29,065
more time this morning. I went get my

1287
00:47:29,065 --> 00:47:29,565
birthday

1288
00:47:30,105 --> 00:47:30,605
drink

1289
00:47:30,985 --> 00:47:32,824
from Starbucks, and then I was like, oh,

1290
00:47:32,824 --> 00:47:34,744
I'll help my daddy out, and I'll go

1291
00:47:34,744 --> 00:47:36,905
get gas because I had 12¢ off at

1292
00:47:36,905 --> 00:47:37,405
7:11.

1293
00:47:38,105 --> 00:47:39,864
And then I'm coming home and I'm like,

1294
00:47:39,864 --> 00:47:43,829
oh, shit. We stream in just over an

1295
00:47:44,090 --> 00:47:46,730
hour. I was all sorts of time. Mhmm.

1296
00:47:46,730 --> 00:47:48,650
And you were like you had I'd text

1297
00:47:48,650 --> 00:47:49,849
you to say I was leaving, and you

1298
00:47:49,849 --> 00:47:51,550
went you text me back. I'm like, okay.

1299
00:47:51,930 --> 00:47:53,610
When you get home Mhmm. Meet me out

1300
00:47:53,610 --> 00:47:55,369
in the little shop. Yep. And for a

1301
00:47:55,369 --> 00:47:55,869
second,

1302
00:47:56,375 --> 00:47:57,894
I went, what does he need me out

1303
00:47:57,894 --> 00:47:59,414
there for? And then the other second was,

1304
00:47:59,414 --> 00:48:00,775
oh, I know what I was supposed to

1305
00:48:00,775 --> 00:48:01,675
be out there for.

1306
00:48:02,614 --> 00:48:04,614
But then I was on my quest to

1307
00:48:04,614 --> 00:48:07,335
get an overpriced coffee and some gas, and

1308
00:48:07,335 --> 00:48:08,820
so forgot about it.

1309
00:48:09,300 --> 00:48:11,619
And this is how antsy this man was.

1310
00:48:11,619 --> 00:48:13,380
I pull up. I sit in the car

1311
00:48:13,380 --> 00:48:16,340
because I was finishing posting a story to

1312
00:48:16,340 --> 00:48:17,640
the Kinkery's Instagram

1313
00:48:18,099 --> 00:48:18,599
story.

1314
00:48:18,980 --> 00:48:20,039
Oh my god. Yeah.

1315
00:48:20,500 --> 00:48:22,019
And I'm like, okay. I need to go

1316
00:48:22,019 --> 00:48:23,059
get in. And I'm looking at the tongue

1317
00:48:23,059 --> 00:48:24,180
going, oh, shit. I really need to get

1318
00:48:24,180 --> 00:48:27,445
in. And JB is at the door going,

1319
00:48:27,664 --> 00:48:29,105
we don't have a lot of time, but

1320
00:48:29,105 --> 00:48:30,625
I've got a plan. And he's not saying

1321
00:48:30,625 --> 00:48:31,125
anything.

1322
00:48:31,744 --> 00:48:32,644
And I'm like,

1323
00:48:33,184 --> 00:48:35,184
is this what I think it is? No.

1324
00:48:35,184 --> 00:48:36,244
Yeah? No.

1325
00:48:37,905 --> 00:48:40,085
I'm so weird. Next thing I know,

1326
00:48:40,739 --> 00:48:43,219
I'm bent over in the little shop having

1327
00:48:43,219 --> 00:48:45,239
my ass beat. It was to life.

1328
00:48:46,019 --> 00:48:48,179
It was one of the fastest birthday spin

1329
00:48:48,179 --> 00:48:49,079
I ever had.

1330
00:48:49,699 --> 00:48:51,780
That that was a quick one. That was

1331
00:48:51,780 --> 00:48:53,565
a quick one. We we we were very

1332
00:48:53,565 --> 00:48:55,164
fast. We were running out of time because

1333
00:48:55,164 --> 00:48:56,764
I still needed to shower. I needed to

1334
00:48:56,764 --> 00:48:59,005
eat and yep. It was a quick it

1335
00:48:59,005 --> 00:49:00,764
was a quick one, but an effective one.

1336
00:49:00,764 --> 00:49:02,144
It was. It was. And

1337
00:49:02,925 --> 00:49:04,364
I was able to stay on task after

1338
00:49:04,364 --> 00:49:05,264
that, quite frankly.

1339
00:49:05,724 --> 00:49:07,460
Yep. Yep. Yep. So, yeah, it's kind of

1340
00:49:07,460 --> 00:49:08,980
a low key birthday, and I'm I'm fine

1341
00:49:08,980 --> 00:49:11,219
with that. Yeah. It's I know. My mid

1342
00:49:11,219 --> 00:49:13,400
forties. It's not like it's a Yeah.

1343
00:49:13,699 --> 00:49:15,380
You know? And it it it's been a

1344
00:49:15,380 --> 00:49:15,880
busy

1345
00:49:16,579 --> 00:49:17,079
week.

1346
00:49:17,780 --> 00:49:18,739
It's only Wednesday.

1347
00:49:19,219 --> 00:49:21,139
Wednesday. Oh my god. Well and that's we've

1348
00:49:21,139 --> 00:49:23,385
had all kinds of stuff. So Yeah. I

1349
00:49:23,385 --> 00:49:26,585
mean, we celebrated our wedding anniversary on Monday.

1350
00:49:26,585 --> 00:49:28,445
We had a date night. It was delightful.

1351
00:49:28,505 --> 00:49:30,425
Very low key, but it was very nice.

1352
00:49:30,425 --> 00:49:32,105
It was wonderful. It was such a nice

1353
00:49:32,105 --> 00:49:33,164
evening. It was.

1354
00:49:33,625 --> 00:49:35,305
We actually did a good job of, like,

1355
00:49:35,305 --> 00:49:37,644
just putting our fucking phones down. Yep.

1356
00:49:38,159 --> 00:49:39,139
And then Tuesday,

1357
00:49:39,839 --> 00:49:42,480
was interrupted because we had our Doctors. Our

1358
00:49:42,480 --> 00:49:44,880
doctor's appointment. See, we're now of an age

1359
00:49:44,880 --> 00:49:47,039
and with enough medications, we don't just go

1360
00:49:47,039 --> 00:49:49,039
once a year. We have to go twice

1361
00:49:49,039 --> 00:49:51,119
a year. No. I'm just saying gotta check

1362
00:49:51,119 --> 00:49:53,494
everything because Yep. I'm now taking, like, a

1363
00:49:53,494 --> 00:49:55,114
small handful of medications.

1364
00:49:55,414 --> 00:49:57,015
So they're like, let's check your blood. And

1365
00:49:57,015 --> 00:49:57,755
I'm I'm

1366
00:49:58,454 --> 00:50:00,934
starting to look down that scope. Right. You

1367
00:50:00,934 --> 00:50:03,494
are doing fairly well though. You you are

1368
00:50:03,494 --> 00:50:05,094
you are less than I am, and you

1369
00:50:05,094 --> 00:50:05,914
are much older.

1370
00:50:07,099 --> 00:50:08,219
But it was like we both had to

1371
00:50:08,219 --> 00:50:10,619
talk about dose increases and changes and what's

1372
00:50:10,619 --> 00:50:12,780
not we love our doctor. She's amazing. She's

1373
00:50:12,780 --> 00:50:15,179
a person who actually listens. Yes. Does not

1374
00:50:15,179 --> 00:50:17,659
discount anything we say. She just, like, either

1375
00:50:17,659 --> 00:50:20,140
gently correct or will actually validate and go,

1376
00:50:20,140 --> 00:50:21,744
actually, yes, and blah blah blah. Here's what

1377
00:50:21,744 --> 00:50:24,144
you need now. So but that took, like,

1378
00:50:24,144 --> 00:50:26,085
part of our day in the middle.

1379
00:50:27,664 --> 00:50:29,025
And now today is, like

1380
00:50:29,824 --> 00:50:31,264
and JB had even said, I think for

1381
00:50:31,264 --> 00:50:33,199
your birthday, don't do too much. And I

1382
00:50:33,199 --> 00:50:33,699
went,

1383
00:50:34,079 --> 00:50:36,739
okay. Okay. That's fine. And I agreed.

1384
00:50:37,199 --> 00:50:38,579
And then I looked at the calendar.

1385
00:50:39,279 --> 00:50:41,119
I was like, okay. I'll process orders first

1386
00:50:41,119 --> 00:50:43,119
thing in the morning. My favorite literally y'all,

1387
00:50:43,119 --> 00:50:44,559
business wise, this is one of my favorite

1388
00:50:44,559 --> 00:50:46,319
things to do. Let me let me box

1389
00:50:46,319 --> 00:50:47,025
some orders, please.

1390
00:50:48,065 --> 00:50:49,664
And then I was like, okay. We've got

1391
00:50:49,664 --> 00:50:52,144
the stream. That's fine. And then at some

1392
00:50:52,144 --> 00:50:54,144
point between Monday and today, I was like,

1393
00:50:54,144 --> 00:50:56,304
and also I have about 3 videos we

1394
00:50:56,304 --> 00:50:58,784
need to record. So so glad we're taking

1395
00:50:58,784 --> 00:50:59,039
it

1396
00:51:00,160 --> 00:51:03,360
easy. Yeah. Yeah. Because we forget how time

1397
00:51:03,360 --> 00:51:03,860
works.

1398
00:51:04,559 --> 00:51:06,980
We could've we could've made at least

1399
00:51:07,440 --> 00:51:10,320
2 of these videos at any point previous

1400
00:51:10,320 --> 00:51:12,074
to today. True. True. We did

1401
00:51:12,954 --> 00:51:15,594
not. And Lola agrees. Right. She says we

1402
00:51:15,594 --> 00:51:18,074
should actually look at a calendar more often.

1403
00:51:18,074 --> 00:51:19,355
Let me see if she wants to go

1404
00:51:19,355 --> 00:51:21,054
out. But yeah. So tonight,

1405
00:51:21,835 --> 00:51:23,275
the 19 year old has, like I said,

1406
00:51:23,275 --> 00:51:23,855
a performance,

1407
00:51:24,280 --> 00:51:25,800
and it's much earlier. It's not like a

1408
00:51:25,800 --> 00:51:27,880
full blown concert, and those are usually 7

1409
00:51:27,880 --> 00:51:30,039
something at night. This is, like, 5 o'clock

1410
00:51:30,039 --> 00:51:30,780
in the afternoon.

1411
00:51:32,039 --> 00:51:34,200
Time. So I was like, okay. So I

1412
00:51:34,200 --> 00:51:36,860
guess we're having my birthday dinner in Gainesville

1413
00:51:37,394 --> 00:51:38,855
because we'll already be there.

1414
00:51:39,795 --> 00:51:41,394
So the 19 year old, I had said,

1415
00:51:41,394 --> 00:51:42,375
hey. Are you gonna,

1416
00:51:42,755 --> 00:51:44,195
you know, have dinner with us? I don't

1417
00:51:44,195 --> 00:51:45,715
know where we're gonna go, but, you know,

1418
00:51:45,715 --> 00:51:47,175
we're gonna we'll do that.

1419
00:51:47,474 --> 00:51:49,635
He goes, oh, no. They're having a potluck

1420
00:51:49,635 --> 00:51:51,074
reception thing, and I wanna go hang out

1421
00:51:51,074 --> 00:51:52,515
with the homies. And I was like, okay.

1422
00:51:52,515 --> 00:51:55,130
Like, I, like, it's fine. I'd if he

1423
00:51:55,130 --> 00:51:56,969
didn't have a performance, he wouldn't have been

1424
00:51:56,969 --> 00:51:58,809
here on my birthday anyway, so it's no

1425
00:51:58,809 --> 00:51:59,469
big deal.

1426
00:51:59,849 --> 00:52:01,690
Then he sends me a text. Not a

1427
00:52:01,690 --> 00:52:02,829
happy birthday text.

1428
00:52:03,369 --> 00:52:03,529
A

1429
00:52:04,329 --> 00:52:07,230
this is word for word. Dinner tonight, queen?

1430
00:52:08,234 --> 00:52:08,875
I was like,

1431
00:52:10,234 --> 00:52:11,674
I was like, I thought you had a

1432
00:52:11,674 --> 00:52:13,194
thing. I was like, but, of course, if

1433
00:52:13,194 --> 00:52:14,714
you wanna come to dinner with us, you're

1434
00:52:14,714 --> 00:52:16,875
more than welcome to. And he goes, oh,

1435
00:52:16,875 --> 00:52:18,234
I need to go check on that thing,

1436
00:52:18,234 --> 00:52:20,250
don't I? I was like, I don't know.

1437
00:52:20,250 --> 00:52:21,230
I don't know.

1438
00:52:21,610 --> 00:52:23,530
Even I've got the social life. I'm just

1439
00:52:23,530 --> 00:52:24,510
trying to get, like,

1440
00:52:24,809 --> 00:52:27,170
college town Mexican food or something. I don't

1441
00:52:27,170 --> 00:52:28,429
know what we're having, but

1442
00:52:29,050 --> 00:52:30,590
I don't know. It is wild.

1443
00:52:32,075 --> 00:52:33,675
And yet it already feels like Friday to

1444
00:52:33,675 --> 00:52:36,235
me. Mhmm. It does. Podcast listeners, it's hilarious

1445
00:52:36,235 --> 00:52:37,855
that you're like, but it is Friday.

1446
00:52:38,474 --> 00:52:40,095
Not to me. Not right now.

1447
00:52:40,715 --> 00:52:41,775
No. No.

1448
00:52:42,235 --> 00:52:44,315
Yeah. And and Monday, we had a really

1449
00:52:44,315 --> 00:52:46,875
nice time. We did. We, went out for

1450
00:52:46,875 --> 00:52:48,030
dinner. Mhmm.

1451
00:52:48,570 --> 00:52:51,470
Had had a nice dinner at, Italian restaurant.

1452
00:52:52,010 --> 00:52:52,510
Mhmm.

1453
00:52:53,450 --> 00:52:56,190
And We each dressed cute. We did.

1454
00:52:57,450 --> 00:52:58,110
We did.

1455
00:52:58,890 --> 00:52:59,289
And,

1456
00:53:00,170 --> 00:53:01,869
then we went to Barnes and Noble's

1457
00:53:02,410 --> 00:53:02,910
Mhmm.

1458
00:53:03,335 --> 00:53:05,414
And hung out looking at books. Just walked

1459
00:53:05,494 --> 00:53:07,275
I walked every book table.

1460
00:53:07,815 --> 00:53:09,654
Mhmm. And some actually sounded good, and I

1461
00:53:09,654 --> 00:53:10,934
was like, let me see if it's on

1462
00:53:10,934 --> 00:53:12,934
on Kindle Unlimited, or if I can get

1463
00:53:12,934 --> 00:53:14,795
it for, like, can I read it on

1464
00:53:15,094 --> 00:53:15,835
my phone?

1465
00:53:18,940 --> 00:53:20,460
Yeah. And I I ducked in the back

1466
00:53:20,460 --> 00:53:21,760
for a while to look at the,

1467
00:53:22,219 --> 00:53:23,920
vinyl albums and Mhmm.

1468
00:53:24,660 --> 00:53:25,160
Mhmm.

1469
00:53:25,900 --> 00:53:26,400
Yep.

1470
00:53:27,180 --> 00:53:29,579
Don't do that. And then we went for

1471
00:53:29,579 --> 00:53:30,800
dessert. Mhmm.

1472
00:53:31,414 --> 00:53:34,454
And I I I did my research before

1473
00:53:34,454 --> 00:53:35,114
our anniversary.

1474
00:53:35,734 --> 00:53:37,514
This is our 7th wedding anniversary.

1475
00:53:37,974 --> 00:53:38,474
Right.

1476
00:53:38,775 --> 00:53:40,214
Will I remember that next year is our

1477
00:53:40,214 --> 00:53:42,214
8th? Probably not. Probably not. Probably not. I'll

1478
00:53:42,214 --> 00:53:43,510
have to go look it up again. Not

1479
00:53:43,510 --> 00:53:45,450
unless we put it in the calendar now.

1480
00:53:46,470 --> 00:53:49,369
Why would we do something like that? Crazy

1481
00:53:49,430 --> 00:53:51,050
crazy taught. Crazy taught.

1482
00:53:51,590 --> 00:53:52,090
So

1483
00:53:52,630 --> 00:53:53,130
yeah.

1484
00:53:53,590 --> 00:53:54,570
Yeah. Mhmm.

1485
00:53:55,910 --> 00:53:56,150
So

1486
00:53:56,869 --> 00:53:58,784
but yeah. It was a good time. Mhmm.

1487
00:53:58,784 --> 00:54:00,005
It was a very good time.

1488
00:54:00,784 --> 00:54:02,944
Yep. But other than that, just same old,

1489
00:54:02,944 --> 00:54:04,085
same old. Mhmm.

1490
00:54:04,625 --> 00:54:07,184
And tonight I'll be driving. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

1491
00:54:07,184 --> 00:54:09,505
You will. Yeah. Well, because on the way

1492
00:54:09,505 --> 00:54:11,744
there, there'll be so much traffic that I'll

1493
00:54:11,744 --> 00:54:14,239
get nobody wants me driving when I'm anxious

1494
00:54:14,239 --> 00:54:15,679
and there's traffic. And then on the way

1495
00:54:15,679 --> 00:54:17,699
back, the sun will have gone down.

1496
00:54:18,079 --> 00:54:19,940
And I don't know if it's my prescription.

1497
00:54:20,320 --> 00:54:22,239
I don't know if it's age. I don't

1498
00:54:22,239 --> 00:54:24,000
I don't know. But driving at night has

1499
00:54:24,000 --> 00:54:24,500
become

1500
00:54:24,880 --> 00:54:25,460
a nightmare.

1501
00:54:25,985 --> 00:54:27,265
Like, I'm just I'm just not doing it

1502
00:54:27,265 --> 00:54:28,324
if I don't have to.

1503
00:54:30,625 --> 00:54:32,784
Even when it's a just an empty road,

1504
00:54:32,784 --> 00:54:33,925
I'm like, yeah. But

1505
00:54:34,864 --> 00:54:36,545
which way are we going, and what I

1506
00:54:36,704 --> 00:54:38,005
what is the road doing?

1507
00:54:39,570 --> 00:54:41,829
No, dude. I don't know. I don't know.

1508
00:54:42,849 --> 00:54:45,650
I'm sure I would benefit from pharmaceuticals of

1509
00:54:45,650 --> 00:54:46,469
some kind.

1510
00:54:48,849 --> 00:54:50,309
Just not fair right now.

1511
00:54:51,410 --> 00:54:52,400
So yeah.

1512
00:54:52,974 --> 00:54:53,635
So, yeah.

1513
00:54:54,414 --> 00:54:56,514
This is 45, if you wondered.

1514
00:55:00,335 --> 00:55:00,835
I

1515
00:55:02,094 --> 00:55:04,175
I won't say, like, my forties have sucked.

1516
00:55:04,175 --> 00:55:06,574
Man, there's been some suckage in life. And

1517
00:55:06,574 --> 00:55:09,039
has it been in the first half of

1518
00:55:09,039 --> 00:55:11,519
my forties? Yes. So I am hopeful that

1519
00:55:11,519 --> 00:55:13,280
the second half of my forties, it's just

1520
00:55:13,280 --> 00:55:14,800
up from here is is what I'm hopeful

1521
00:55:14,800 --> 00:55:15,300
for.

1522
00:55:18,949 --> 00:55:20,019
But yeah.

1523
00:55:24,195 --> 00:55:26,434
Yeah. I got nothing. I'm I'm sweaty right

1524
00:55:26,434 --> 00:55:28,755
now. It is. It it's it's very warm

1525
00:55:28,755 --> 00:55:30,914
in here. I'm being reminded why we changed

1526
00:55:30,914 --> 00:55:33,494
our schedule in the first place. Right. See.

1527
00:55:34,195 --> 00:55:34,695
See.

1528
00:55:35,635 --> 00:55:36,809
No. I know. It's yeah.

1529
00:55:38,650 --> 00:55:39,050
We're,

1530
00:55:39,849 --> 00:55:41,309
we we had 2 days

1531
00:55:42,250 --> 00:55:43,789
of absolutely beautiful

1532
00:55:44,090 --> 00:55:45,710
weather. Glorious weather.

1533
00:55:46,010 --> 00:55:48,590
We turned the AC off, opened the windows,

1534
00:55:49,474 --> 00:55:51,155
and oh my god, it was it was

1535
00:55:51,155 --> 00:55:51,655
beautiful.

1536
00:55:52,755 --> 00:55:54,695
And and then summer came back.

1537
00:55:55,155 --> 00:55:57,074
Less of a vengeance. Less of with less

1538
00:55:57,074 --> 00:55:59,155
of a vengeance, but it's still Yeah. But

1539
00:55:59,155 --> 00:56:00,515
still Even this morning, we went for our

1540
00:56:00,515 --> 00:56:03,015
stupid walk for our stupid mental health, and

1541
00:56:03,140 --> 00:56:05,300
I don't I was not cool, like, chilly,

1542
00:56:05,300 --> 00:56:07,059
like, you know, somebody give me a long

1543
00:56:07,059 --> 00:56:09,219
sleeve shirt, but it was so pleasant. I

1544
00:56:09,219 --> 00:56:11,219
was like, I I could be out here

1545
00:56:11,219 --> 00:56:13,460
this all day. That was 7 o'clock this

1546
00:56:13,460 --> 00:56:15,559
morning. 10 o'clock this morning,

1547
00:56:15,905 --> 00:56:17,984
I left to go run my errands, and

1548
00:56:17,984 --> 00:56:20,304
I walked out the front door, and I

1549
00:56:20,304 --> 00:56:23,025
was like, I am immediately sticky and hot.

1550
00:56:23,025 --> 00:56:24,324
What is happening here?

1551
00:56:24,784 --> 00:56:25,284
Yeah.

1552
00:56:26,144 --> 00:56:27,984
Oh. We got faux fall for 2 whole

1553
00:56:27,984 --> 00:56:28,484
days.

1554
00:56:29,429 --> 00:56:31,670
Oh, and we we had a a a

1555
00:56:31,670 --> 00:56:32,170
very,

1556
00:56:33,829 --> 00:56:35,690
interesting thing happen with Onyx.

1557
00:56:36,309 --> 00:56:39,030
Oh my god. We well, we learned that

1558
00:56:39,030 --> 00:56:41,349
she likes the indoor cat life. Thank god.

1559
00:56:41,349 --> 00:56:42,650
She she likes the indoor

1560
00:56:43,215 --> 00:56:44,175
cat life, and,

1561
00:56:44,655 --> 00:56:45,155
she,

1562
00:56:47,055 --> 00:56:49,555
apparently, she wants to be with us. Yeah.

1563
00:56:50,255 --> 00:56:51,635
We are the best alternative

1564
00:56:52,095 --> 00:56:52,755
for her.

1565
00:56:53,135 --> 00:56:53,635
So,

1566
00:56:55,539 --> 00:56:57,319
yesterday, I went out and checked the mail,

1567
00:56:57,859 --> 00:56:59,699
came back in, and apparently, I did not

1568
00:56:59,699 --> 00:57:02,099
close the garage or the front door as

1569
00:57:02,099 --> 00:57:04,339
well as I thought I did. Mhmm. And,

1570
00:57:05,139 --> 00:57:06,679
I plopped down on the couch,

1571
00:57:07,380 --> 00:57:08,920
joined Lola for a nap,

1572
00:57:09,539 --> 00:57:10,039
and

1573
00:57:13,125 --> 00:57:15,385
in in between it, you were like

1574
00:57:17,204 --> 00:57:19,765
That's a kid in the kitchen. Sorry. And,

1575
00:57:21,844 --> 00:57:23,525
you know, you're like, I hear this noise.

1576
00:57:23,525 --> 00:57:24,880
I hear a noise. It's by the front

1577
00:57:24,880 --> 00:57:27,741
door and it Yeah. It's like a sound.

1578
00:57:27,741 --> 00:57:30,719
And I'm like, what is happening? Yeah. And

1579
00:57:30,719 --> 00:57:32,079
finally, you get up and go look. I

1580
00:57:32,079 --> 00:57:33,440
get up and go look and I see

1581
00:57:33,440 --> 00:57:35,059
that the front door is cracked.

1582
00:57:35,519 --> 00:57:36,019
Mhmm.

1583
00:57:36,960 --> 00:57:39,195
And and I go to the door, and

1584
00:57:39,195 --> 00:57:40,974
I look out the little side window,

1585
00:57:41,275 --> 00:57:42,494
and I see onyx.

1586
00:57:42,795 --> 00:57:44,715
No. No. No. You've got the steps wrong.

1587
00:57:44,715 --> 00:57:46,474
First, you saw that the door was open,

1588
00:57:46,474 --> 00:57:48,875
and you closed it. And you went, oh,

1589
00:57:48,875 --> 00:57:50,474
shit. I can't believe I left the door

1590
00:57:50,474 --> 00:57:52,555
open. That's that's right. Come back to the

1591
00:57:52,555 --> 00:57:55,269
couch, and I'm I hear the scrabbling noise.

1592
00:57:55,269 --> 00:57:57,130
Yes. And I'm like, we don't have any

1593
00:57:57,349 --> 00:57:59,369
toys or scratchy things Mm-mm.

1594
00:57:59,670 --> 00:58:01,190
In the foyer. Why am I so I

1595
00:58:01,190 --> 00:58:03,109
I get up, and I don't see anybody

1596
00:58:03,109 --> 00:58:05,369
in the area. I'm definitely hearing a scrabbling

1597
00:58:05,429 --> 00:58:07,045
noise. Yeah. And so we hear it a

1598
00:58:07,045 --> 00:58:08,885
second time, and that's when we gotta That's

1599
00:58:08,885 --> 00:58:10,324
when I got to go look. To go

1600
00:58:10,324 --> 00:58:12,965
look, and and I saw Onyx down at

1601
00:58:12,965 --> 00:58:14,425
the end of the the walkway.

1602
00:58:16,324 --> 00:58:17,784
I opened up the door.

1603
00:58:18,164 --> 00:58:19,605
I didn't know what she was gonna do.

1604
00:58:19,605 --> 00:58:21,750
She was gonna run. I I, you know,

1605
00:58:21,750 --> 00:58:23,910
turned the knob and opened the door. She

1606
00:58:23,910 --> 00:58:25,130
saw that door open.

1607
00:58:25,750 --> 00:58:26,570
She bolted

1608
00:58:27,590 --> 00:58:29,130
in the house. She bolted.

1609
00:58:29,510 --> 00:58:31,269
I mean, she came in so fast and

1610
00:58:31,269 --> 00:58:33,190
headed right for our bedroom and into her

1611
00:58:33,190 --> 00:58:34,925
closet. Mhmm. Mhmm.

1612
00:58:35,224 --> 00:58:37,305
Her tail was all puffed up. She was

1613
00:58:37,545 --> 00:58:40,445
it was a traumatic experience for her. Yes.

1614
00:58:40,664 --> 00:58:40,985
So

1615
00:58:41,465 --> 00:58:42,344
Yep. So

1616
00:58:42,985 --> 00:58:44,285
but, yeah, it was

1617
00:58:46,105 --> 00:58:48,605
interesting to say the least. And, yeah, apparently,

1618
00:58:48,664 --> 00:58:51,070
she she she chose us. She came right

1619
00:58:51,070 --> 00:58:53,070
back in. Didn't want nothing to do with

1620
00:58:53,070 --> 00:58:54,849
that big big wide outside.

1621
00:58:55,309 --> 00:58:57,230
Well, I'm pretty sure if we had not

1622
00:58:57,230 --> 00:58:59,070
figured it out soon enough, she'd have been

1623
00:58:59,070 --> 00:59:01,170
like, I guess I'll take my chances.

1624
00:59:03,525 --> 00:59:05,844
She's chipped. Thank God. The problem is I

1625
00:59:05,844 --> 00:59:07,445
don't know if anybody could catch her because

1626
00:59:07,445 --> 00:59:09,625
she's so damn skittish.

1627
00:59:10,085 --> 00:59:12,565
Yeah. But, yeah, she was like, no. No.

1628
00:59:12,565 --> 00:59:14,324
I'm home. Let me in, please. And see,

1629
00:59:14,324 --> 00:59:15,900
that was the scrabbling. It was her going,

1630
00:59:15,980 --> 00:59:17,039
hello? Hello?

1631
00:59:17,420 --> 00:59:20,159
Can I come back inside now? Yeah.

1632
00:59:20,619 --> 00:59:23,119
Whoops. We're sorry. Apparently, Ella

1633
00:59:24,219 --> 00:59:27,440
is here last. She Look. Ella knows where

1634
00:59:27,739 --> 00:59:30,239
her 2 squares on a car. She is

1635
00:59:30,699 --> 00:59:31,199
not

1636
00:59:31,764 --> 00:59:33,385
going no damn way.

1637
00:59:34,565 --> 00:59:37,704
She is not. And even even Lola, apparently,

1638
00:59:37,764 --> 00:59:39,364
she, you know, she was content to be

1639
00:59:39,364 --> 00:59:40,885
up on the sofa with me. She didn't

1640
00:59:40,885 --> 00:59:42,985
wanna go anywhere. Mm-mm. Mm-mm.

1641
00:59:43,364 --> 00:59:45,179
No. But onyx is our,

1642
00:59:47,260 --> 00:59:48,400
our loyal adventurer.

1643
00:59:49,659 --> 00:59:51,340
You know, there there was a time I

1644
00:59:51,340 --> 00:59:52,800
left the garage door open.

1645
00:59:53,260 --> 00:59:55,179
The door from the laundry room to the

1646
00:59:55,179 --> 00:59:57,260
garage. The main garage door was down. Yeah.

1647
00:59:57,260 --> 00:59:59,025
The the main big door was down. But,

1648
00:59:59,105 --> 01:00:01,424
yeah, the the door from the laundry room

1649
01:00:01,424 --> 01:00:02,324
into the garage,

1650
01:00:02,704 --> 01:00:03,105
and,

1651
01:00:03,585 --> 01:00:05,505
she found her way out there. She sure

1652
01:00:05,664 --> 01:00:07,824
and then wanted to get back went got

1653
01:00:07,824 --> 01:00:09,744
her back in and closed the door. And

1654
01:00:09,744 --> 01:00:11,744
and it was funny because when when she

1655
01:00:11,744 --> 01:00:13,525
came in from the garage,

1656
01:00:14,400 --> 01:00:17,440
her ears and her whiskers, cobwebs and She

1657
01:00:17,440 --> 01:00:19,839
got into every crevice. She must have been

1658
01:00:19,839 --> 01:00:20,579
in every

1659
01:00:21,679 --> 01:00:23,780
crack and crevice she could fit in. Yep.

1660
01:00:24,159 --> 01:00:26,000
And then she is the reason that we

1661
01:00:26,000 --> 01:00:28,159
don't have good weather stripping around that door

1662
01:00:28,159 --> 01:00:30,375
anymore because she wanted to go back into

1663
01:00:30,375 --> 01:00:31,034
the garage

1664
01:00:31,494 --> 01:00:32,315
and clawed

1665
01:00:33,015 --> 01:00:34,855
at the door, and there was weather stripping

1666
01:00:34,855 --> 01:00:35,675
there that's

1667
01:00:35,974 --> 01:00:38,394
now not there. Yep. Thanks, Onyx.

1668
01:00:38,775 --> 01:00:39,755
I love you too.

1669
01:00:40,614 --> 01:00:43,909
Mhmm. That No. Yeah. That was our Onyx

1670
01:00:43,909 --> 01:00:44,409
adventure.

1671
01:00:44,789 --> 01:00:45,849
Mhmm. Mhmm.

1672
01:00:47,829 --> 01:00:49,529
So Oh, anyway. Yep.

1673
01:00:49,909 --> 01:00:51,289
That's us. Mhmm.

1674
01:00:53,750 --> 01:00:56,949
Yeah. That's it. Yeah. Thanks for being here.

1675
01:00:56,949 --> 01:00:59,490
Uh-huh. Especially to to the better end. Yeah.

1676
01:00:59,812 --> 01:01:02,381
We'll be back next week for livestream. It'll

1677
01:01:02,381 --> 01:01:04,951
be at a time. I just don't know

1678
01:01:04,951 --> 01:01:07,842
what time. Yeah. Me neither. We gotta figure

1679
01:01:07,842 --> 01:01:10,733
that out. And, yeah. We'll talk to y'all

1680
01:01:10,733 --> 01:01:12,338
soon. Mhmm. Okay. Bye. Bye.